#ALSO JUST REALISED THAT ON MY PREVIEW THE DATE IS OFF BY ONE DAY LMAO
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Not sure if I should keep posting these Wandee Goodday notes, but I guess we're in the home stretch now, so I may as well...
- So glad they showed us what happened with Taem and Ohm!!!
- "Is it that obvious?" Mate, you can see it from outer space lmaoooo
- Awww, Taem! She's a good egg. She really seems happy for Yak. Not sure if her saying 'don't be the person who realises their feelings too late' relates to her or not? I still find it super hard to read her lol
- Okay, look, I get that Yak was worried about Taem but if he read Dee's texts why didn't he reply??? He just wanted to make that dramatic entrance haa
- Another lovely dance metaphor that I'm too tired to transcribe!
- They won the dancing!
- Omg the cuff on Yokee's/Dr Aphichat's shirt!!!! I NEED TO SEE THE WHOLE THING!
- Boooo! Rewardus interruptus!
- Oh, fuck OFF Ter! Bloody hell, he's like a bad penny
- Another punch! Could've done with a satisfying sound effect but still
- Dr Dee. Is. My. Boyfriend <3333
- Ooh, I love the way Dee's fingers catch on Yak's as he reluctantly lets go, vs how he yanks his hand away from Ter! Love little details like that
- That whole speech from Yak is a major, or whatever, green flag for me was just... It was everything!!! And thanking Yak for coming into his life???? Fuuuuuuuck. So good!
- Like, to find someone who you don't feel lesser than around, to find someone who is your peace of mind, who you love who you are with them... That's the goal right there
- And I am so glad Dee said all of that to Ter with Yak there beside him because they both need to hear it and Dee needed to say it and I love Dee so much
- Did you hurt your hand punching him? :3333
- LMAO at Yak inspecting Dee's face to make sure Ter didn't kiss him š¤£
- OMFG THEY ACTUALLY PUT A TIMER UP FOR THEIR KISS I'M DYINGGGGGG
- And we got another kiss!! YAY!
- ...what... why... Why is Kao shirtless with tape over his nipples?! What is happening? Lmao
- Noooooooo! Not more technical issues! WHY, GOD, WHYYYYY?
- Okay, we're good!
- THEY DIDN'T WEAR THE MERMEN TAILS????? Arghhhhhhh >:(
- "Don't skip steps" awww, Dee! I mean, I do think Yak has been pretty flirty this whole time, but sometimes someone wants a formal flirting stage, I guess. And Dee is a romantic. And a big tease ;D
- I love that wooing Dee and not having sex until they're proper boyfriends was all Yak's idea. He has no one but himself to blame haha
- Dee's pastel striped shirt is cute!
- More domesticity! Yay!
- I love when they clink their cutlery before eating :3
- Okay, Dee is SO teasing Yak with the flower every day and so on thing. He has his teasing voice on lol I love him
- BIKE RIDE!
- wow that was a quick montage! I was kind of hoping to see more of their little trip, but I think it works not dragging this out, even if I wanted to see them camping...
- Oh, it was SO obvious Dee saying 'enough' in the preview was going to be linked to the 'if I love you it's for you' and so on. I enjoy being right :)
- Also, it's interesting that Yak still felt like he needed to be like Ter to win Dee over after everything Dee said after the ball
- "I just want to do things that are me now" YEAH!
- "This is the Yoryak that I like..." Ahhh, Dee, you have issues with having feelings and I love you <333
- This date is SO much cuter! Yak is just at ease and Dee is so fond <333
- Tut tut, Dr Dee, trying to get Dr Kao to break patient confidentiality!
- Omg, I LOVE whiny and pleading Yak so much!!!! He's sooooo cute! I have no idea how Dee ever holds his ground for one second lmao
- Wow, okay, was that a really abrupt cut from Yak pouting to Yei getting beaten up or just me??
- Yei just putting his head in Cher's lap and holding his hand though... Ahhhhhh
- I do like watching Yak train š
- oh, what does the swiping your thumb across your nose gesture mean?? I've seen it a few times in Thai BLs/movies?? I think I get it from context but not enough to really put into words lol
- Daddy's home! I am finding the differences in Yak and Yei's reactions intriguing! I was NOT expecting Yak to be pleased to see his dad, so this is an interesting development
- Oh!!! Yellow is their mum's birthday colour! Ah, my heart!!!
- Sidenote, I looked up my birthday colour and it's green and that bloody colour haunts me (it's the colour of my birthstone too)
- Dee holding Yak during the nightmare... Omg, so much is happening in this ep!!!
- That pool scene is so cute! I love Dee being all cute and silly with Yak :D
- "When I've found what I like, why bother looking for something else?" Oooh, you smooth talker, you
- (Also that's me visiting any restaurant for a second time and getting the same dish lol)
- LMAO the dick plushie is in bed with them!!!
- And lol @ Yak asking for sex when it was his rule!! He played himself there!
- "You're my peace of mind" their relationship is so lovely! They're so compatible!!
- boxing blah blah whatever
- WHO IS THE NAZGĆL DUDE???
- I wonder if it's going to like... Be Yak himself under there?
- Awww, Dee broke through <333
- Yak and Dee smiling at each other after Yak won is just... I don't know if I have words left for how much I love them
- I love that Zazaki wanted to join their gym because they're like a family! He's adorable! And a little OTT
- OMG the whole end scene is just EVERYTHING!!! Yak's terrible flirting!! Carrying Dee to the couch! The whole couch scene that parallels their first night together! MORE KISSING!!!! And sexy times because ofc Dee can't keep his hands off Yak despite the rule!! AHHHHH! It just broke me and I love it!!!
Phew, okay, SO much happened in this ep, right?? Like that's not just me???
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Shall we Date? Wizardess Heart Part 15 - Mel Glover Route
How rude of Mel to just steal her apple and eat it!! Iād be so angry! Well, what a great first day for the heroine; she gets lost in the forest because she heard the voice of the tree, meets Mel, gets scolded by Leslie and then Sigurd comes to pick her up with Smokey, his flying magical beast! Now she doesnāt even need to walk back lmao.
Wow, what an honour for the heroine to be his buddy. Mel is so amazing to author textbooks, travel the world and be so knowledgeable about magical trees and plants etc. Lmao at their awkward interactions. Kate looks cool! Legit canāt believe the heroine is older than Mel, he looks so much older lmao. Loll at Melās eyes sparkling when he started thinking that the reason they lit up as buddies was to balance her childishness with his maturity haha and other theories. Awww his first impression of her was cute and interesting! Iām so surprised hahaha. Omg, it was so unexpected when Mel actually reacted with emotion and kindness when she said that he should sleep better otherwise his body will always be tired, and that she cares about him because theyāre buddies, then he thanked her saying it was nice that someone was looking out for him! Thatās actually really cute! I guess heās always used to being alone so this made him realise that the feeling of someone caring about you is pretty nice.
Omg, honestly didnāt expect him to kiss her already lol. And to be when they were hiding under the podium too lol, so random. Not sure whether to feel happy or insulted that he kissed her because he felt that her heart beating really fast had influenced his heart to be the same, and that made him feel like kissing her lol. Thatās wonderful, Mel𤨠Itās kinda funny how mature Mel can be but also how childish he can be at other times. It was nice of Mel to personally craft a new wand for the heroine since her one broke. Iām surprised the heroine so willingly gave the wand back to the magical tree and restore it when the wand was given to her by her parents. Guess itās better to thank the wand and let it be useful to the tree than to keep it as just a memento.
Not sure why Mel doesnāt want to be her buddy anymore but he made her cry! Thatās no good, Mel! Amelia is like the best friend ever btw. She lets the heroine cry her heart out, take her around the city to cheer her up, give advice and tell her that giving up so fast on Mel isnāt something sheād do and during all this, she somehow found the address of Melās master so the heroine could go visit and see whatās going on!? Dude, where can you get a great friend like this? Sheās logical and understanding, I love her. I was just about to call Mel childish for running away after seeing the heroine, and then I remembered that heās younger than her lol. But yeah, it was really cool and funny when she used the magic that he taught her to restrict his movements for a moment so she could catch up to him, sheās smart and capable haha! Only when sheās chasing boyfriends hahaha.
I always find it so adorable when a guy holds the girlās hand and puts it in his pocket to keep their hands warm. Like, Iām not sure how big those pockets they have are since my clothes barely have any pockets, nevertheless, itās so sweet and cute. Melās words can be blunt and hurt the heroineās feelings but I think his self awareness towards this and apologising for it is very considerate. Iām glad he finally realised that the feelings he has towards the heroine is love. Took him a while but it was cute how their relationship progressed so Iām happy. Itās so cute how Mel says heās a kid only when itās convenient to him hahaha. I always forget that heās younger though considering how mature he is most of the time. It was so adorable when they both didnāt want to leave each other, omggg. So corny but cute lmao.
For this season/arc, itās a hard choice but I think Iāll have to choose Sigurd for the best route this time. Mel is a really close second though! And Leslie is a far off third lmao. Honestly, I think in terms of the story and progression, Sigurdās route wins hands down, but in terms of romance, Melās was much cuter, sweeter and it progressed at a good pace. As for Leslieās route, it just lacked in both areas and I donāt like Chica hahaha. Melās right though, theyāve kissed already and theyāll eventually be doing things that are even more embarrassing than him piggy backing her, so really she should just let him carry her since her ankle is like that loll. Heās so honest with his feelings and thoughts after he confessed lolll, the heroine is going to die from embarrassmentš¤£
Iām not sure why Mel is hiding things but I really wonder whether shooting an arrow with the Bow will really cure the magical tree thatās wilting? Kate seems kindaaa suspicious. And she is! Sheās a bit frightening tbh⦠Was she jealous of Mel all this time? The preview for the next chapter was kinda sad though, Randy said Kate seemed like an evil person whereas Azusa said that from his perspective, she just seemed like someone overwhelmed with sadness, it made me think of Azusa himself and I guess he can really relate to that. I guess Mel wanted to protect Kate and bring her back to their side but it didnāt work.. I wonder why Kate is doing all this since she has the power to go through parallel worlds transcending time? You can see why she doesnāt like the heroine since sheās been thwarting her plans as the Sol Maiden in the different worlds aside from this one. So, the heroine getting together with Mel brings the world to an end? (Since Kate is successful this time around, hahaha)
I find it saddening that Kate is really doing all this because she feels so inferior to Mel since he can do anything, is super happy and has everything in life, whereas ever since she was abandoned as a child, she never had anything that was truly hers until she found out she had the power to transcend time, so now she wants to destroy the world and make herself the only living person so she can finally be special. Itās a terrible way to think about things especially if she succeeds, sheāll realise sheās not special at all because people are only special when they can be compared with someone normal. If sheās the only one alive, no one will recognise that sheās special anyway, so whatās the point?
I like that the summon was successful and that thereās more trouble to come but I honestly find Kate a weak villain especially since she was convinced so easily when she was so intent on destroying the world⦠It was cool to see the heroineās clothes transform LOL, Sailor Moon moments hahaha, well gotta look pretty when you save the world from darkness I guess? Omggg when the heroine saved the world and all her friends and their familiars were thanking her, Taffy was sooo cuteeee when he jumped at her and clung to her saying he loves her omgg, I want Taffyyy! It was nice to see the heroine get to enjoy the festival this time around with Luca and everyone, sounds like fun~ She also delivered her part as the Sol Maiden well without any mistakes! The only sad thing was that Mel wasnāt there to share all this with her :( Personally, like the headmaster, considering the situation, there should be no reason for his licence as a magical tree doctor to be revoked since he did it to save the world, I donāt think anyone has the right to judge him for that!
Glad everything turned out well with Mel just being reprimanded and Kate being taken by the ministry, but with their master there to watch over her, so I guess now she can reflect but also get what she wanted most, which was the care of the master. Lmao when the heroine asked what Mel would do if she failed the academy judgment exam and he said heād laugh hahahaah. Heās right though, regardless of whether she passes or not, that doesnāt change the fact that he loves her. I always forget that the story spans across only 13 days, so really, they met, fell in love, confessed, saved the world and then Mel proposed to her?! A lot of things really happened.. You could give me 13 years and I still wouldnāt be able to do those lmao.
I never considered the heroine becoming a magical tree doctor tbh since just because she can talk to them and cast the protection spell doesnāt mean she can become one too lol, but I guess considering how clingy both Mel and the heroine are with each other in this route, working in the same profession, travelling together and being together all the time would suit them. I love the engagement ring Mel made, itās made with wood from the magical tree and it has a snow apple on it lmao. Iāll forever remember Mel eating her apple𤣠I felt it ended so nicely with Mel being able to fulfill his dream of attending school and itās alongside the heroine~ Sweet!
Overall, I quite enjoyed Melās route, I guess it really helps to pick up on all the romance that Sigurdās route lacked, but it was kinda to the point that the whole story was basically romance with a bit of plot hahaha. Well, it was good to finally see Melās perspective and how this event was related to Mel, but I think it was rather undermining and Kate was a meh kinda villain since her reasons and determination was rather flimsy. Anyway, if you want some more cute romance, then this is the one XD Overall though, I liked Sigurdās route the most because I felt the heroine grew the most in that route and really became a strong independent woman that Sigurd couldnāt help but fall for eventually haha. Then Iād pick Mel since heās sweet and I felt that he and the heroine grew together nicely in this route, where they learnt to rely and believe in each other and not just love each other I guess haha. Last is Leslie is because his route was really bland, I personally do like Leslie but his route just felt like nothing happened haha.
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Shattered (Chapter 4)
Smutty Ayahina College AU
Summary: Hinami tries to deal with her sorrows through seeking Ayato out. Ayato can never turn away the girl he loves far more than he should. Two people with unrequited feelings, dealing with them in very different ways. Human AU. (7.6k words)
Warning: This fic contains unhealthy copic mechanisms, heavy sexual content, and plenty of problematic/ dubious things which I absolutely do not condone at all. This is a work of fiction that takes on a more mature, physical take on Ayahinaās relationship as opposed to the typical conventional one. Please feel free not to read this fic if itās not your cup of tea!Ā In addition, this chapter contains a character (baby) death so, trigger warning for stillbirth.Ā
A/N: Thereās no smut this chapter so Iām sorry for that! Thereās also no Ayato in it lmao. But itās a pretty heavy Touken chapter! Thereās also a slight time skip between the Ken and Hinami bit in this chapter. About a couple of weeks, enough to at least let Touka recover from giving birth.
Iām really insecure about this fic right now. I lowkey had a breakdown before I posted this. I kept re-reading it over and over again but I still have so many worries about this... Iāve honestly never felt this way about a fic before. Iām sorry this took so long and even then I donāt know if itās as good as it can be. I did try my best though, so I hope you guys continue to read and support this!Ā Please do reblog this and feel free to leave some comments!Ā
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 3.5 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 4.5 | Chapter 5
Preview:Ā
Touka and Kaneki come out of the kitchen with a couple of plates. They place them on the table and Kaneki takes a seat, while Touka walks away to the corridor. Hinami panics for a moment, wondering if Touka might have gotten annoyed, but she calms down the moment she notices an extra plate, a kiddish and smaller one.
āIs she going to get your daughter?ā Hinami asks.
āYeah. Ichika gets too distracted when sheās playing. She forgets sheās hungry and her stomach starts acting up,ā Kaneki explains with a slight chuckle. āI hope you like omurice. Touka forced me to cook it today. Itās her fatherās own recipe.ā
āI donāt mind it,ā she replies. Kaneki cooked. Sheās going to eat Kanekiās cooking. Her heart races at this thought. Sheās watched dramas where girls ate the food guys they liked specially cooked for them. In the end, no matter how bad the food is, they always taste good because of love, right? She wants to squeal-- to think she gets to live through such a corny experience. Ayato will never cook for her. That guy would probably burn the apartment down in the process. But Kaneki can cook and he did. Really, heās the perfect guy.
A silent voice in her head coughs at her. Sheās supposed to be getting over Kaneki. Heās married. He didnāt cook this because he loves her; he cooked this because the woman he loves asked him to. But even as logic is being flung at her, Hinami turns away. She fixes her eyes on the plate of omurice. It looks like a normal plate but even then, sheās never been this excited to dig in.
āTouka thought Ayato might suddenly show up as well so she insisted on this,ā Kaneki continues. āApparently, itās his favorite back when he was a kid. Their father always cooked it for him whenever he was down⦠We made some extra for him as well.ā
āFor Ayato? But he isnāt hereā¦ā
āTouka insisted that we packed it and get you to deliver it to him if you happen to be dropping by his place or something.ā
āI could do that.ā If she has some time to kill, sheād probably go back to her dorm to study a little more, but dropping by Ayatoās place isnāt a detour. Itās still on the way to school.
āIām not too fond of it thoughā¦ā Kaneki admits with a sigh.
āItās really no problem, Big Brother! His apartment is on the way to school. Besides, I think itāll be better if he has some proper lunch⦠Otherwise heād just eat convenience store food again. I donāt have time to go over and cook some lunch for him.ā
Kaneki remains silent for a while, before he glances at where Touka had disappeared to. He inches closer to Hinami and lowers his voice. āItās not that Hinami⦠Personally, Iām just not a big fan of you hanging out too much with Ayato.ā
Heās jealous⦠Hinami slams the thought down the moment it surfaces in her mind. God, it sounded so stupid.
āAyato is a good friend,ā she says. āHeās always there for me.ā
āAre you sure heās just a friend? It didnāt seem that way to me that day,ā Kaneki grumbles.
āWeāre not together.ā
āTouka was very confident about Ayatoās feelings towards you,ā Kaneki says. āAnd even I⦠I saw the way you were looking at him when you waited for him.ā
Kaneki thinks sheās in love with Ayato. Hinami feels her throat go dry.
āEven if⦠thatās the case, Big Brother⦠why does this bother you?ā she murmurs. He shouldnāt care, right? Heās in love with Touka. Itās not like Kaneki has feelings for her. He shouldnāt care about who sheās dating or seeing.
āHinamiā¦ā Kaneki sighs. āLook⦠I care about you and I love you--ā
Ken finds himself pacing to and fro. He wishes he can calm down and relax, but he knows he canāt. Itās not happening-- it canāt be-- especially not when his wife went into labour a whole month before the expected due date. He already knows that this isnāt going to be the easiest pregnancy for Touka. On the contrary, the doctors had warned them to prepare themselves for the worst. They had gone to multiple clinics for different opinions and every one of them had said the same thing. Thereās too many complications. The baby might not survive. The had predicted that the motherās life would be in danger as well and they had recommended an abortion. But Touka had been adamant to see the pregnancy to its end. Even if itās hard, she wants to try her best to bring their child into the world, even if she had to risk her own life. Ken had wanted to argue, but he simply couldnāt when she was looking at him with that determined expression-- the very expression he fell in love with. At least, heās glad she saved him the dilemma of having to choose between his unborn child and his wife. He wonders some time whoād heād choose. Touka, perhaps⦠They could always try again, right?
Right?
Sometimes, itās easier thinking about things like that. Heās sure he wouldnāt have been able to choose if he had been in that position. In times like this, heās glad he has Touka by his side.
Ken continues to pace until he hears a throat being cleared. He looks at the other man whoās standing by along with him. Yomo is leaning against a wall, his expression as solemn as ever, while he holds Ichikaās hand. The small girlās head continues to nod as she yawns and rub her eyes with her other hand. She looks at Ken, sulking visibly.
Sometimes, when Ichika looks at him like this, Ken recalls Toukaās brother-- the asshole who isnāt answering or even bothering about his calls and messages despite the fact that his sister is in labour right now.
āPapaā¦ā Ichika whines. āI wanna go home.ā
Yomo picks the child up and carries her in his arm, fixing Ken with a hard glare. Calm down, it seems to say and Ken nods. Yomo cradles Ichika, rocking her lightly as the kid nestles her head into his granduncleās neck. He walks a distance away from Ken, probably to keep Ichika from whining even more in the middle of a hospital. Kenās glad that Yomoās around. Heās probably just as worried about Touka. Sheās his niece and heād been by her side and watched her for so much longer than Ken had. But Yomoās staying strong and Ken knows he has to as well.
If the worst happens, he has to be there for her as well. She might be as strong as-- or even stronger than-- him. But he wasnāt the one who carried the child in his womb for eight months. He wasnāt the one who had to struggle with all the challenges of pregnancy just to bring a child into the world. No matter how strong his wife is, no matter how much she tries to prepare herself, if things donāt go well, he will have to be there for her.
It feels like an eternity before the light goes off, indicating that things within the room had ended. By then, Ken already knows what awaits him.
There wasnāt a cry after allā¦
Heās only allowed to see her much later, despite his chagrined protests, but that also gave him some time to get ahold of himself. A look of complete despair had passed through Yomoās eyes as the doctor relayed the news to the both of them. He didnāt comment on the situation at all. All he said was that he was going home to tuck Ichika into bed. Maybe he wanted some time alone, or maybe he wanted to give Ken some time alone. Either way, Ken realises he feels relieved.
He takes some time to walk around the hospital, mind completely blank, heart completely empty. He doesnāt know what to feel about the whole situation. They had asked him if he wanted to see the kid. He had said no, because he canāt bring himself to see her, especially not without Touka by his side.
They already knew that it isnāt going to work out. They were already told that this is what awaited them. Even then, why does he feel so empty?
He wants to get a drink, but he decides not to. His stomach canāt hold anything in right now. If he eats or drinks, he might just throw up. Instead, he finds a spot with a vacant seat and sits down. People walk past him, but everythingās a flash and a blur. The only thing that really stood out was a little boy, running past him screaming and giggling. He held the hand of a little girl-- probably his younger sister-- pulling her along excitedly.
Ichika will never get to pull her younger sister along. She probably wonāt even know about her until much later, and by then, itāll be too distant a memory for her to really feel anything about it. Ken wonder what heāll give up to be able to see both his children happy and together. Siblings are a precious kind of relationship-- the best in its own way. Ken himself doesnāt know what it feels like to have a sister or a brother. Perhaps the closest he has to a sister is the little orphan girl heād bonded with a long time ago, right after her parents had died in a brutal car crash. But she grew older and theyāve gotten distant. He still can contact her if he wants to, but he doesnāt really keep in touch. He saw her some time back and it feels like she had grown and changed a lot as well. Yet there had been warmth that filled him when he laid his eyes on her back then, a certain indescribably pride at seeing how far sheās come. Maybe he should put more effort into trying to keep in contact with her. He did feel a little guilty about keeping his marriage from her.
Itās Touka who told him the joys of being a sister. It was her who said that she wanted a second child so Ichika wonāt be lonely, just like how she believes she would have been lonelier if she hadnāt had her brother around. Ken wonders how she can continue feeling this way, especially since it had been ages since she had last talked to her brother.
He checks his phone again. Heād texted Ayato and called him a couple of times, but heād gotten nothing from him. Ken had thought that Ayato would at least answer one of his calls. The other time he did, he had sounded apologetic and regretful. Ken had thought that itāll have changed things within him, but he hadnāt visited even though he promised to so Ken really shouldnāt be too surprised about his absence now.
It would be nice if he did show up though, especially after all that happened. Perhaps Ken might have gotten a better outcome if he had mentioned the whole complication with the baby. He was in the midst of doing so, but he ended up deleting the text. He probably should leave it to Touka to decide if she wanted her brother to know.
Personally, Ken is still not too fond of that guy. If anything, he questions every single thing Ayato has done. Heās sure he hasnāt been given the full story yet. Touka doesnāt really like to talk about her brother, unless sheās talking about happier times when her entire family was still around. Thereās nothing that Ayato had done subsequently that gets him on Kenās good side at all. All heās ever done is hurt Touka more and more. Perhaps, if they hadnāt already known about the problems with the baby, Ken might end up blaming the whole thing on Ayato. He did push his pregnant sister after all and heād never bothered to check up on her. It was Ken who called to inform him, that too after Touka had mentioned how he probably was upset.
That jerk doesnāt deserve a sister like her, honestly.
His phone vibrates in his pocket and he sees that he has a call from the reception desk of the hospital. He knows what that means-- he can go and see Touka now. He doesnāt feel like talking to anyone, but he knows that he has to take this. The conversation is quick and he doesnāt talk much, just thanking the receptionist after she gives him Toukaās room number. Heās up on his feet seconds after the call, heading towards her in long strides.
It seemed like some time had passed since he sat down. Apparently wallowing in his hatred for his brother-in-law had distracted him a little and helped to kill time. Perhaps Ayato isnāt as useless as he used to think he is after all.
Toukaās a shell of her former self. Maybe that expression might be a little bit of an exaggeration. She doesnāt look that lost. She looked much more lost when they first met all those years ago, crumbling under the weight of their familyās financial burdens and her father and brotherās never-ending arguments. But sheās surely not herself right now either. Just twenty four hours ago, she was smiling at him with the usual twinkle in her eyes as she pulled out a new watch she had bought for him. It had caught her eye randomly and she had gotten it for him as an early anniversary gift. He had left it at home in the rush to get Touka into the hospital when she went into labor, but now he wishes he has something to hold onto to keep himself together.
When he enters the room, she doesnāt respond. She continues to stare out of the window, eyes clouded and downcast.
āTouka.ā
She jolts a little at the sound of her name and she turns to look at him, offering him a wide, but weak, smile. āKenā¦ā
āYou did well.ā He crosses over to her and sits at the edge of her bed. Touka bites her lip and she shakes her head.
āI couldnāt⦠I didnāt manage toā¦ā She chokes, stopping herself with a deep breath. He sees the water in her eyes and he sees her trying to hold them back. Thereās absolutely no reason for her to hold back her tears, not now, not then, but she continues to do so as she has always done. Ken reaches for her hand, taking one in both of his, clasping it tightly.
āYou did your best. Iām sure she knows and Iām sure she appreciates whatever youāve done. In another life, Iām sure sheāll want you to be her mother as well.ā
That isnāt lip service. Theyāre not empty words. Heās sure of it. Touka is a great mother to Ichika and heās sure sheād have been one to their daughter as well-- their little girl who left them even before she could come to them. He wishes they at least named her, but they hadnāt chosen a name yet. They were supposed to have another month.
āIām sure sheāll want you to be her father as well,ā Touka says. Her voice is weak, but he sees in her eyes her belief in him, clearly mirroring his in her. āWhereās Ichika?ā
āSheās at home. Yomo took her back so she could sleep. I think Yomo wants to give us space as well,ā Ken admits. He rubs the back of Toukaās hand and Touka responds by tightly lacing her fingers with his, locking their hands into a secured grip.
āDid you⦠say anything to Ayato?ā
āNo⦠He didnāt answer my calls and messages.ā
Her eyes widen at his words and he senses panic in them, though Ken doesnāt seem to understand why. āSo you tried to contact him! What did you say?ā
āYou went into labourā¦ā
āThatās all?ā
āThatās all.ā
The panic vanishes and she sighs a little. Sheās smiling now, but again, itās weak and melancholic. āThatās good⦠I donāt want him to know about what happened.ā
āWhy not?ā
āHeāll blame himselfā¦ā
That really shouldnāt be Toukaās concern right now. Ken really doesnāt want her bothering about Ayato at a time like this. But itās always been in Toukaās nature to worry about others before herself.
āTouka, your brother--ā
āItās not his fault,ā she cuts in. āHe did something wrong⦠I know that but⦠this has nothing to do with thatā¦ā
āTouka--ā
āI want to see him⦠Ken, please, I really want to see himā¦ā
āTouka, come on, you know thatās not going to happen,ā Ken sighs. āHe didnāt care one bit when he hurt you. He doesnāt care now that you gave birth as well.ā
āNo, he cares. I know he doesā¦ā
āSo why isnāt he here?ā Ken challenges. His bitterness goes unnoticed by Touka, who clamps up as his words, shivering lightly. Ken wonders if heās too harsh. Maybe now isnāt the best time to be honest with her about that asshole. He reaches over for Touka and takes her by her shoulders, pulling her against him, arms wrapped tightly around her.
āLook, Iāll see what I can do, okay? If Ayato doesnāt respond, Iāll call Hinami instead. Will that be okay?ā he asks.
āHinamiā¦?ā
āYou know, the girl who was with your brother the other day?ā
Touka relaxes in his arms and he looks down to see a small smile spreading on her face. āAhh⦠That strange girl who somehow saw something in my useless brother to fall for?ā The cheeky, joking tone in Toukaās voice is enough to make Ken relax a little.
Despite his complete aversion to Hinami being in a relationship with Ayato, heās glad it at least brings some joy to Touka with her now being able to rest easy that her brother isnāt alone like she feared. Though Ken still believes heās better off talking to Hinami about and giving her a warning here and there. Itās not like Hinami has anyone else to do that for her as well. It must be why she managed to get along with Ayato in the first place-- theyāre both alone, after all. Just like Touka was at one point in time. Ken wonders how that feels like. Heās been lonely before but heās never been alone. Heās had Hide with him since he was young.
āIāll call Hinami and see what we can work out, okay? Maybe she can convince your brother about coming along,ā Ken says. He really doesnāt want to, but he guess he��ll have to give in if it makes Touka feel better. From the expression she makes, he knows she feels better.
āItāll be nice⦠If we called them over for a celebration insteadā¦ā Touka murmurs absentmindedly. She looks at Ken, forcing her smile to remain on her face. But sheās a terrible liar, especially to him, who knows her so well. Her watery eyes are telling him that sheās anything but smiling on the inside. Sheās weeping and falling apart and that all thatās holding her together right now is the slight hope that she might be able to see her remaining family as a whole again-- that same hope, wish and desire that she has always clung onto in the darkest moments.
Her child is gone, just like her mother and just like her father. She doesnāt want anyone else to go. And like it or not, Ken wants to make her wish come true for her. Even if her brother is the most detestable person on earth, even if heās the person whoās made her silently cry to herself countless times over and over again, he wants to bring him back for her.
Hinami thinks her heart is going to leap out of her chest. It might be an exaggeration, but sheās quite certain itās not an impossibility. Her heart is beating so hard. Her ribs might not be able to stand it. She wonders how much it would hurt if her ribs do snap. Ayato had mentioned breaking a couple of bones before and he had said it had hurt like a bitch, to quote his words that is. Well, Ayato being Ayato would have broken a whole bunch of bones at one go. Hinamiās always wondered what he did to even have that happen. He hadnāt said anything much about that incident, except scowl whenever he talks about it and admit that it had hurt far too much and that it wasnāt him, but someone else who broke his bones. Hinami had wondered who even would break Ayatoās bones, but considering his high school escapades, sheās not too surprised someone would.
But back to the point. It had hurt for Ayato. A broken rib would make her break down and cry.
She ignores the heart and her ridiculous thoughts and presses the doorbell. Sheās staring at a normal door of a normal house, but sheās immediately taken in by what she sees. This is where he stays. This is the place he lives, where he eats his dinner, where he relaxes, where he sleeps, where he bathes, where he reads his books and where he can be himself. This is the place she has long to step into for years. She gets to see how she lives; she gets to know him even better, to see things no other person would.
Hinami hears footsteps from the other side of the door and she stiffens, hands running through her hair before smoothening out her dress as she takes one look at her outfit. Sheās wearing a simple light green dress with a black cardigan-- nothing too fancy, but itās still a cute outfit. She had asked Ayato for his opinion when she bought it, but she learnt from the experience how bad of an advisor he is when it comes to these kinds of things.
āThatās nice. It looks easy to take off,ā he had said with the usual smirk on his face. Of course, that earned him an elbow to the rib. She does, also, vaguely remember him grumbling about how she looked good in anything so she didnāt really need a second opinion on it, but her mother used to say that about her as well.
The door opens and Hinami puts on the biggest smile she can manage. She doesnāt have to force it out. It comes naturally the moment she sees the face of the person who answered the door. Kaneki Ken looks as gorgeous as always, his charming smile and gentle eyes welcoming her and making her feel at home almost instantly. Heās beautiful, she thinks the moment he says her name in greeting and steps aside to let her in. She doesnāt need him to say anything else before sheās practically running into the house.
So this is where he stays.
āThank you for coming, Hinami! I hope youāre not too busy today,ā he says.
āNo, todayās a good day.ā She only has classes in the evening and itās still just morning. She has all the time in the world before she has to leave.
The call from Kaneki had been sudden and out of the blue yesterday, inviting her over for lunch. Kaneki had asked her to bring Ayato along but Hinami knew that there was no chance he would accept coming over with her. She had been honest with Kaneki about that and hadnāt bothered to ask Ayato at all. Kaneki sounded conflicted by her words over the phone; on one hand he sounded a little upset, but on another, he accepted it a little too easily that Hinami felt he didnāt really want Ayato around as well.
āTouka is getting ready so give her some time,ā Kaneki says.
āIs she with the baby now?ā Hinami asks. Some time back, Ayato had told her that the baby was born already. She hadnāt asked for much details but she had doubted he knew anything much either.
āYeah⦠about thatā¦ā Kaneki grimaces as he speaks, glancing deeper into the house before he takes Hinamiās arm and pulls her closer to him. Hinami stiffens. She didnāt think her heart can race even more than it had been doing so, but she was instantly proven wrong. Sheās close to him-- so so close. Just a little more and sheād be pressed against his chest, maybe with his strong arms around her. That very thought itself is enough to make Hinami tremble.
āThe baby⦠isnāt here,ā Kaneki says, his voice dropping quite a bit.
āOh-oh?ā she gasps out, trying to focus on anything else but their proximity, even when her voice sounds faked and uncaring. āWhere is it?ā
āHinamiā¦ā Kaneki sighs. His hand releases her arm before it moves to the back of his neck, rubbing lightly. āThe baby⦠didnāt make it.ā
Sheās silent as the words sink in. Kaneki gives her the time to as well, eyes fixed completely on her. Normally, sheād probably be happy; heās staring at her and only her right now. But right now, Kaneki is the last thing on her mind. The baby is gone. The baby died. But how? She wants to ask him, yet she holds back. An image flashes through her mind. Kanekiās wife, on the floor, eyes wide in horror as her brother watches her a small distance in front of her. Touka had fallen when she was pregnant and thatās dangerous, right?
In that case, was the babyās death all Ayatoās fault?
āI-Iām so sorry!ā she cries out immediately. She feels obligated to apologize, even though she isnāt the one who had pushed Touka down. Maybe if she hadnāt stood out there that day, maybe if she had gone in the store with Ayato and waited with him, she wouldnāt have met Kaneki and Touka-- Ayato wouldnāt have met Kaneki and Touka. The baby could still have lived. Maybe if she had cut the conversation shorter. Maybe if she had taken his hand and run off with him before Touka could talk to him. Maybe. Maybe.
āItās nothing to be sorry about, Hinami⦠We were already prepared for this,ā Kaneki laughs flatly. He had laughed, but his sorrow poured out of his eyes. Hinami feels herself choking. Something feels like itās rising in her throat. She hadnāt eaten anything but it feels like sheās going to throw up.
He was prepared, he said. The knew about it apparently⦠So was that phone call a lie? He had told Ayato that the baby was fine the other day, hadnāt he? Had he lied back then? Maybe he did it to calm Ayato down and to stop him from worrying. That would be a total Kaneki-like thing, lying and putting people before him so that others didnāt get hurt.
āI⦠I really am sorry, Big Brother! Iām sorry, this is all Ayatoās fault and--ā
āItās not,ā he cuts in and Hinami looks up at him blankly. Itās⦠not? A lie. That had to be a lie. Kaneki is lying again to help with the guilt and not to worry them too much. Of course heād be like this. Itās in his character. Kaneki is nice and kind.
āBig Brother, please. I know this is because he pushed her the other day so⦠Please let me apologize properly⦠to you and your wifeā¦ā She chokes as she speaks and as she blinks her eyes, she feels tears falling out. Hinami immediately wipes them away. She doesnāt want him to see her cry, especially not when itās over his own kidās death. Kaneki isnāt crying. Even if he looks like heās about to cry, she doesnāt want to cry in front of him when heās trying his best not to.
Kaneki takes a deep breath and sighs. He places his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him completely. āListen. Iām not going to pretend Ayato is the best person out there. He brought Touka a lot of stress and that could have let to some problems⦠but Toukaās pregnancy was problematic from the very beginning. We both knew this was going to happen. Ayato might have hurt Touka⦠but he didnāt kill our child.ā
āThatās a lieā¦ā
āItās not a lie, Hinami⦠Why would I lie about this?ā Kaneki sighs. āThe baby was unlikely to survive in the first place⦠But Touka still wanted to pull through with the pregnancy for that slim possibility. It didnāt work out. The baby died. We were both pretty much prepared for it, though Iād appreciate if you donāt bring this topic up when Toukaās around later.ā
She considers the words and nods with a sigh. āSo⦠Ayato⦠He really didnāt do anything wrong?ā
Kanekiās eye twitches at her words and he forces out a smile, which honestly looked more like a grimace to Hinami. āWell⦠I wouldnāt say that⦠but⦠donāt worry. Your boyfriend didnāt kill his niece.ā
Kaneki must really hate Ayato. Hinami had noticed that it usually was easy for Kaneki to pretend around people. Sheād seen him interact with people she knew he disliked. He generally was nice to them and could easily hold a calm, composed face. One wouldnāt have been able to tell Kaneki hated them from merely looking at his conversation with them. On the other hand, Kanekiās distaste for Ayato was practically scrawled all over his face. She wonders what must have happened between the two of them. Ayato hates Kaneki a lot as well. Sheād all along assumed it was because of her feelings for Kaneki--
Wait.
āB-Boy...friend?ā
Kaneki nods. āYeah, Ayato. Your boyfriend.ā
āHeās⦠not my boyfriendā¦ā
āOh? Heās not? Is he more? A fiancĆ©? A husband?ā
āB-Big Brother! Itās not⦠Weāre not--ā
āDonāt tell me⦠Heās the father of your future kidā¦ā
Hinami chokes and she swears her cheeks must be red right now. Thereās no way she wants Kaneki to know that sheās sleeping with Ayato. Definitely no way. Kaneki doesnāt have to know that sheās sleeping with anyone in the first place-- he shouldnāt. Itās hard to tell if Kaneki is joking sometimes and this is one of those times. His face shows clear interest and he seems genuinely curious about the situation. But for Hinami, this is terrible. Kaneki is getting the wrong idea. Kaneki, out of all people, is getting the wrong idea. He thinks sheās in a relationship with Ayato. Well, she is in some kind of a weird arrangement with him which she supposes can be called a relationship, but itās definitely not what Kaneki has in mind.
āI-I! I donāt like Ayato at all!ā she cries out. āWeāre nothing. Thereās nothing. Big Brother, the only one for me is--ā
āOh, thatās sadā¦ā A voice cuts into Hinamiās words and it hits her how she was so close to admitting the truth to Kaneki. Hinami clamps up immediately, putting some distance between her and Kaneki before she turns to the source of the voice. Kaneki retracts his hands and even though sheās thankful for it, she can still feel his hands on her shoulders.
āI think Ayato will be pretty sad to hear that.ā The words accompany the emerging figure of Kanekiās wife. She runs her hand through her hair, before she smiles at Hinami, walking up to her slowly. āI think my brother seemed really taken by youā¦ā
āMs⦠Kirishimaā¦ā Hinami murmurs. Wait, is that right? Hinami wonders if she should have called Touka something else instead. Mrs Kaneki? Ms Touka?
Touka smiles and wraps her arms around Hinami, holding her tightly for a moment before pulling away. āJust Touka is fine. Are you here alone?ā
āYeah.ā
āAyatoās not with you?ā
āHe wouldnāt come even if I asked him to⦠Iām sorry,ā Hinami admits. Toukaās face falls at these words and Hinami honestly feels bad for her. She doesnāt know what happened between the two of them, but she finds herself a little annoyed that Ayato would even think of making his own sister upset. Heās honestly lucky. Even if his parents are dead, he has a sister. Unlike him, Hinami has no one.
āItās not your fault⦠Heās always been like that,ā Touka sighs. āHeās a good person at heart, but he can be a little difficult at times.ā
āDonāt you think youāre a little too optimistic about your brother, Touka?ā Kaneki sighs. A look of slight annoyance crosses Toukaās face, but she says nothing except to turn around and walk towards the table a slight distance off.
āDonāt just stand there, Hinami. Come and have a seat. We have lunch prepared for you. I hope itās not too early.ā The sudden change in topic takes Hinami by surprise, but from Kanekiās expression, it felt like itās something theyāve talked about too many times before. He seems annoyed, but more so exhausted. Hinami wonders what really happened with between Ayato and these two, especially with how Touka and Kaneki seem to think very differently of Ayato.
Hinami takes a seat as Kaneki and Touka enter the kitchen. Thereās a slightly awkward atmosphere around them right now and even though she canāt hear the exact words, she hears a soft discussion happening between the two of them in the kitchen. Hinamiās confused. They seemed to have a good relationship when she saw them previously. Kaneki looked so happy and proud to introduce her to Hinami. She also remembered how protective he was over her when she fell and how he had spammed Ayato with calls to try and get him to visit Touka as well. Kaneki and Touka had looked like they were so in love.
She wants to know whatās going on and the temptation to sneak over and eavesdrop was too much to resist. She quietly gets up and tiptoes over to the kitchen, pressing her body against the wall as she tries to listen. She doesnāt have to try too hard; sheās always had sharp ears.
āThis is getting ridiculous, Touka,ā Kaneki grumbles. āYou need to stop.ā
āYou need to stop pretending that everything is Ayatoās fault and that weāre not responsible at all,ā Touka grumbles back. Thereās the clacking of what Hinami assumes are plates. They probably are preparing some food for her.
āHeās hurt you so much. Why arenāt you seeing that? He left you alone, Touka.ā Kaneki sounds exasperated and Hinami grimaces. Why is Touka having a hard time accepting this? Ayato did leave her after all. Heās ignored her all these time and even when they finally met, he went back to pushing her away. Hinami knows that if she is to be in Toukaās shoes, sheād have given up by now.
āAnd whose fault was it he decided to leave, huh?ā Touka challenges. āKaneki, I know you didnāt mean to and I know itās not your fault entirely⦠but you hurt him too, you know!ā
Thatās ridiculous, right? Someone like Kaneki hurting someone like Ayato? It doesnāt make sense to Hinami at all. Kaneki is kind and gentle. She doesnāt think heās capable of hurting anyone at all. Ayato would never hurt her, but she knows thatās not the case for everyone. Heās always hurting Touka and Hinami knows about his old notorious reputation from back when they were in high school. Heād picked fights and broken hearts. To think that heād get hurt by someone like Kaneki-- itās absurd to the point she almost laughs.
But as she listens in to the conversation, she realises something once again. Sheās nothing to these people. She knows nothing about them; she knows nothing about Kaneki. It feels like itās always the case, with everyone. Everyone knows about her problems, but she knows no oneās. She doesnāt know what happened between Ayato and his family. Heās never told her, even though he sits by her side and listens to her every time she cries about her own. She doesnāt know about Kaneki as well, not even back when she was younger. She knew he was an orphan like her. She knew he was lonely like she was. But she doesnāt know what happened to his family, even as he always consoled her over the accident that stole her parents from her.
Itās been ten years, or perhaps even more. But even after all this time has passed, things hadn't changed after all. Sheās still the same clueless little victim that no one will ever confide it. She wants to tell them that sheās not weak. But will they even listen? Sheād spent so much time with Ayato, but he still doesnāt feel comfortable enough to open up to her.
This isnāt fairā¦
She returns back to her seat feeling more miserable than ever. She hasnāt found out what happened between them, but she doesnāt feel like finding out right now. Maybe ignorance was better. Itās certainly better than knowing all those things happened to people she thought are close and dear to her, yet being kept in the dark about it.
Touka said that Kaneki had hurt Ayato. Yet he kept silent about it even when Hinami spoke about how great of a person Kaneki is. Did that hurt him? Did she hurt him? She wouldnāt have done that if she knew what happened.
Touka and Kaneki come out of the kitchen with a couple of plates. They place them on the table and Kaneki takes a seat, while Touka walks away to the corridor. Hinami panics for a moment, wondering if Touka might have gotten annoyed, but she calms down the moment she notices an extra plate, a kiddish and smaller one.
āIs she going to get your daughter?ā Hinami asks.
āYeah. Ichika gets too distracted when sheās playing. She forgets sheās hungry and her stomach starts acting up,ā Kaneki explains with a slight chuckle. āI hope you like omurice. Touka forced me to cook it today. Itās her fatherās own recipe.ā
āI donāt mind it,ā she replies. Kaneki cooked. Sheās going to eat Kanekiās cooking. Her heart races at this thought. Sheās watched dramas where girls ate the food guys they liked specially cooked for them. In the end, no matter how bad the food is, they always taste good because of love, right? She wants to squeal-- to think she gets to live through such a corny experience. Ayato will never cook for her. That guy would probably burn the apartment down in the process. But Kaneki can cook and he did. Really, heās the perfect guy.
A silent voice in her head coughs at her. Sheās supposed to be getting over Kaneki. Heās married. He didnāt cook this because he loves her; he cooked this because the woman he loves asked him to. But even as logic is being flung at her, Hinami turns away. She fixes her eyes on the plate of omurice. It looks like a normal plate but even then, sheās never been this excited to dig in.
āTouka thought Ayato might suddenly show up as well so she insisted on this,ā Kaneki continues. āApparently, itās his favorite back when he was a kid. Their father always cooked it for him whenever he was down⦠We made some extra for him as well.ā
āFor Ayato? But he isnāt hereā¦ā
āTouka insisted that we packed it and get you to deliver it to him if you happen to be dropping by his place or something.ā
āI could do that.ā If she has some time to kill, sheād probably go back to her dorm to study a little more, but dropping by Ayatoās place isnāt a detour. Itās still on the way to school.
āIām not too fond of it thoughā¦ā Kaneki admits with a sigh.
āItās really no problem, Big Brother! His apartment is on the way to school. Besides, I think itāll be better if he has some proper lunch⦠Otherwise heād just eat convenience store food again. I donāt have time to go over and cook some lunch for him.ā
Kaneki remains silent for a while, before he glances at where Touka had disappeared to. He inches closer to Hinami and lowers his voice. āItās not that Hinami⦠Personally, Iām just not a big fan of you hanging out too much with Ayato.ā
Heās jealous⦠Hinami slams the thought down the moment it surfaces in her mind. God, it sounded so stupid.
āAyato is a good friend,ā she says. āHeās always there for me.ā
āAre you sure heās just a friend? It didnāt seem that way to me that day,ā Kaneki grumbles.
āWeāre not together.ā
āTouka was very confident about Ayatoās feelings towards you,ā Kaneki says. āAnd even I⦠I saw the way you were looking at him when you waited for him.ā
Kaneki thinks sheās in love with Ayato. Hinami feels her throat go dry.
āEven if⦠thatās the case, Big Brother⦠why does this bother you?ā she murmurs. He shouldnāt care, right? Heās in love with Touka. Itās not like Kaneki has feelings for her. He shouldnāt care about who sheās dating or seeing.
āHinamiā¦ā Kaneki sighs. āLook⦠I care about you and I love you--ā
Her eyes go wide and it feels like her body freezes, as does the time around her. He said it. He said he loves her. This feels too surreal. Kaneki loves her? But why? Why would he love her? Whatās so special about her? Sheās not nearly as pretty as Kanekiās wife. She doesnāt know a thing about that woman, but even then she already knows sheās amazing. She has to be a strong person after all sheās been through. Hinami isnāt a strong person. Sheās weak. Sheās a crybaby. Thereās no reason he should love her; thereās no reason anyone should love her when there are others around.
Now that sheās thinking about it, sheās never asked Ayato why he was so in love with her as well? She had hurt him a lot but heās still by her side. Sheās never thought anything about her was attractive and lovable in the first place.
Big Brother⦠I⦠She doesnāt know what to say. Should she accept it? Should she turn him down? She and Ayato are not officially dating, even if they hang out too much for normal friends. But Kaneki isnāt just together with another woman; heās married and he has a family. She doesnāt want to ruin that.
ā--Youāre like a little sister to me,ā Kaneki continues and Hinami feels like sheās on a roller coaster. Never once had her hopes risen so high up only to come crashing down in the matter of seconds. Of course, thatās what he means. She feels so dumb for taking it another wayā so dumb that she feels like crying right there and then. But Kaneki continues to talk and sheās thankful that sheās able to look down at her food and not keep eye contact with him. He seems oblivious to her emotions, or even if he did notice, he must have taken it as her response to what heās saying. Whatās he saying, again? She realizes she hadnāt been paying attention. Ā
āI donāt get it,ā she grumbles instead.
āGod, are you listening to me?ā he sighs. āIām telling you that the only thing Ayatoās good at is hurting the people who loves and cares about him. I donāt want you to get hurt, Hinami. Youāre the closest I have to a family outside of my wife and kid.ā
āI donāt know what youāre talking about.ā Sheās annoyed. Sheās so so annoyed. She canāt believe the situation. Ā She wants to slam her head against a wall and black out permanently. The embarrassment is killing her.
āFine then. Iām telling you straight right now. End things with Ayato and stay away from him.ā
That snaps her out of her thoughts and she looks at Kaneki, eyes wide in disbelief. āWhat? But why?ā
āHow many times are you going to make me repeat myself?ā Kaneki groans. āHe will hurt you, Hinami. You might think the both of you are in love now but it wonāt stop him from hurting you. He hurt his own sister, for godās sake.ā
āHe wonāt hurt meā¦ā Hinami murmurs.
āIām telling you, he will. You think youāre in love butāā
āIām not in love with him, Big Brother,ā she cuts in. āYou got it all wrong. Itās Ayato who loves me.ā
Kanekiās brows furrow at her words, but he stays silent as Touka shows up, carrying a sulking little boy in her arms. āIām sorry for the delay. Ichika wouldnāt stop her game,ā she laughs. She takes her seat in front of Hinami and places Ichika on the seat beside her.
āItās fine,ā Kaneki says, eyeing his daughter. āYou have to listen to Mama more or Iām going to take all your games from you.ā
Arata looks horrified by this statement, but Touka only sighs and pats her daughterās head. āDonāt listen to Papa. Donāt worry, he wonāt do that,ā she says. Hinami watches as Touka takes a spoon and scoops up some food for Ichika before holding it out to her. The girl takes the spoon and slowly puts it into her mouth before she starts chewing on in. Touka smiles, ruffling her hair. āThatās my girl.ā
āThey grow up so fast,ā Kaneki sighs. āLook at my girl, Hinami. Sheās feeding herself now.ā
Hinami chuckles. Watching Kaneki and Touka with Ichika makes her feel really warm and soft. This must be what itās like to be a part of a family, she supposes. Itās been far too long since she had one. She doesnāt really remember what it felt like to be doted on and loved. Touka and Kaneki must be extra protective of Ichika right now, especially since they had lost their other child. She can see it in both their eyes; theyāre looking at her with a different look than they did the other day she saw them.
Everyone is going through their own things. And again, she feels like an outsider. She doesnāt know how things are going for them now and even if she asks, they will probably tell her not to worry and that everything is fine.
āAre you thinking about your parents?ā Hinamiās head snaps up at Toukaās voice and she looks up at her in surprise. The older womanās eyes soften and she reaches out to Hinami, placing her hand over Hinamiās. āYou had a distant, nostalgic look in your eyes when youāre looking at us with Ichika. Kaneki told me you lost them some time back and youāve been alone since then.ā
āNo⦠I⦠I just realise⦠itās been so long. I forgot what itās like⦠to be a part of a family.ā Itās hard to speak about it. Sheās choking as she does. But she forces herself to keep in her tears. She doesnāt want to cry now. She shouldn't. Itās not her who should be sad. She lost her parents years ago. Touka and Kaneki are the ones who are grieving now.
āKaneki says youāre like a sister to him. I hope you can see me like that as well. Youāre welcomed to be a part of this family, Hina, you really are,ā Touka continues. She called her āHinaā. No oneās ever called her that aside from her parents and Ayato.
āYou saved me once from the loneliness I felt when my own parents died. I know weāre not as close now, but I hope you realise youāre not alone in this world,ā Kaneki murmurs.
āNobody ever is alone, Hinami. Even if you canāt come to us, Iām sure you can rely on Ayato at least,ā Touka continues. She pulls her hands away and picks up her spoon. āNow, eat. The foodās going to get cold.ā
She doesnāt think she can eat. Her stomach is churning and the lump in her throat hasnāt faded. She wants to cry, but itās not because sheās sad. She feels something else right now. She wants to say something but she doesnāt know what. Instead, she picks up her spoon begins eating as well. The food is delicious. Sheās not too surprised it is, considering Kaneki cooked it. Sheās never eaten Kanekiās cooking before but itās rare that Kaneki is ever bad in something. But she wishes she can enjoy it as much as she wants to, but her mind is reeling from everything.
A family sounds nice. Itās something she has along dreamed of-- herself, back with her mother and father. Theyāve always been there for her back then and it felt empty when they were gone. She knew she only managed to pull through and survive because Kaneki was there by her side. They drifted the moment Hinami was old enough to stand on her own two feet. She hadnāt forgotten him back then. Her longing for him only grew. Perhaps it was the security that Kaneki gave her that made her fall for him and to continue longing for him to be by her side again.
I love you. Youāre like a little sister to me.
She still feels really sick. Maybe dropping by Ayatoās place after this will be a good idea after all.
A/N: I really wanted to proofread, but I feel like if I do, I might stop myself from posting. I was supposed to post this last night but I fell asleep while typing lol. I hope you guys like this fic. I also knew I promised the sub Ayato smut scene in Chapter 4 and itās still happening soon, but the word count got too long so it got pushed into Chapter 5. :ā) I hope everyone looks forward to that because it really was fun writing it!
Also, word of advice, I wonāt trust Kanekiās narrations about Ayato if I were you. Theyāre about as biased as Hinamiās narrations about Kaneki. In this story, Iād say the Kirishimas are probably the most reliable of narrators. :DĀ
Once again, please please do reblog if you like this! Itāll really help me out. Feel free to leave comments in the tags/ reblogs/ replies or through asks!
#tg#tokyo ghoul#ayahina#touken#fueguchi hinami#kirishima ayato#kirishima touka#kaneki ken#far writes stuff#my fic: shattered
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WIP Tag
i was tagged by @floofyeol!Ā idk if this is a blessing or a curse letās find out.
some of these fics have been in drafts for ages? so tbh i donāt even know if i will post them but hey weāll see. (so assume for now that noneĀ of these will be postedāexcept when stated otherwise with an *)
the first couple will be ships. the later ones areĀ reader-inserts. all are stillĀ protected by the Creative Commons license.
slide it up in here: chapter 10* pairing(s): jikook, namjin, yoonseok genre: humour, crack, drama, angst tags/warnings: texting, college au, slightly filthy, innuendoes, Awkward Jeon Jungkookā¢, slowburn, self-esteem issues, self-hatred, implied/referenced homophobia, everyone is a messā¢
SUMMARY
gguki: [image attached] gguki: what should i do with it chimothy: um chimothy: dude idk if iām entitled to give you suggestions but chimothy: i mean you could always just stick it in the ass???????
or jungkook accidentally sends a stranger a picture of his roommateās brand new dildo
PREVIEW
the (9)7 wonders of the world
tol: ok hereās the plan dabs 24/7: yugyeom no offence but your plans kinda suck muscle pig: ^^ what bambam said muscle pig: i donāt trust you anymore tol: wow that hurt tol: but i promise you this one will be better dabs 24/7: donāt do it kook tol: it wonāt backfire in any way
untilted vhope pairing(s): vhope, namjin genre: humour, fluff tags/warnings: college au, skype dates, profanity, neurobiology/pyschologyĀ major!namjoon, ra!jin, music major!yoongiĀ (i think), some major!hoseok, and high schooler!tae, tbh idrk bc i havenāt finished writing it lmao
SUMMARY
When Jung Hoseok signed up for college, he didnāt think heād end up on academic probation so soon. Hell, heād never guessĀ heād have friends who would use him asĀ a fucking lab rat for theirĀ atrocious experiments. He definitely did not expect to fall in love with his resident advisorās little brotherāand then proceed to sneak into said resident advisorās room and hack his computer just to have one more Skype date with the little brother. Without getting caught by said resident advisor. Yeahāheās a little stressed, to say the least.
ā a continuation of Itās Burning Up in Here.
PREVIEW
He didnāt sign up for this. He thought college would be a great ideaāwho would pass up the opportunity for ultimate freedom and youthful stupidity? No, he was ecstatic for collegeābut he definitely hadnāt signed up to be the fucking victim for his resident advisorās boyfriendās experiments.
āHoseok-ssi, please stay still or otherwise this will hurt. A lot,ā Namjoon begged as his friend Yoongi tried to hold him down on the fragile coffee table.
āThatās not what your needleās saying! You said it was a harmless experiment! You said Iād be fine!ā
āYou will be! I just need practice drawing blood onceāā
āYouāve never even done this before?ā Hoseok shrieked, writhing some more. Yoongi growled in frustration and flung his entire weight onto Hoseokās bodyāand thus effectively snapping the legs of the coffee table and sending them down towards the floor.
His advisor ran into the room then, eyes wide in alarm while holding a skillet filled with half-cooked meat, his creased white apron reading Worldās Best Dad! in pretty cursive pink. āWhat the hell is going on here?ā
untitled taekook* pairing(s): taekook, yoonjin genre: fluff, angst, humour, crack tags/warnings:Ā restaurant au, running away, mentions of nudity, exhibitionism, does getting caught dancing naked in your room count as exhibitionism idek, mention of mpreg, but thereās no actual mpreg, i mean itās the sims itās not real, many many references to the male organ, but sorry folks no smut (A/N: this is literally what i have in my docs wow iām such a nerd for preparing ao3 tags LMAO)
SUMMARY
The last thing Jungkook expected after running away to Seoul is to score a private live viewing of Naked_Neighbour_Dancing_In_His_Bedroom.movāand then proceed to bump into him when heās not-so-naked. And then also manage to greet him with a slap. It also probably doesnāt help that Nude Neighbour is his new boss. All in all, Jungkook just maybe kinda wants to die. (But of course Seokjin isnāt gonna allow him, so heās just going to sufferāfor now.)
PREVIEW
He sighs, turning his head to gaze out of the window, only to freeze when he realises his view isnāt exactly the most⦠decent.
Because across from his small studio apartment window is a perfect view of a larger apartment in the building across, and currently, the tenant (he hopes the boyās the tenant) is enthusiastically dancing through his room completely naked, dinglehopper fully on display. Heās mouthing the words to some song, throwing a finger up in the air as he shuts his eyes and nods his head as though the music (Jungkook thinks thereās music) blasting in his room is speaking to him on a spiritual level.
Jungkookās face is bright red when he finally breaks out of his trance, and he wishes he wasnāt so bad at reacting appropriately to inappropriate situations so he could at least have saved himself from adding a thirty-second clip of Nude Neighbour to his collection of non-digital memories. He rushes to the window and pulls the curtains close, fingers stiff as he tries to rid his brain of such scandalous images.
At least he was hot.
His face is redder nowāif thatās even possible. āFuck me,ā he whispers, and then flushes even more. āWait, no. Donāt fuck me. Thatās not whatāwhy am I even talking to myself. Agh.ā
take these words out of my lungs (and set them free) pairing(s): vmin genre: angst, fluff tags/warnings: major character death, suicide attempt, depression, body image issues, depressed!jimin, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, ambiguous original character that appears for like five seconds, high school au
SUMMARY/PREVIEW
three pounds. thatās how much heās gained since he last stepped on the scale, the dictator that rules over his life. he stares at the numbers again, frowning at the digits glaring up at him. perhaps there was a mistake; maybe the scale is rigged or jammed or simply broken. he couldnāt have possibly gained three pounds in a span of two days. hasnāt he been walking around his neighbourhood enough?
he sighs, stepping off the scale and turning around to flush the toilet before washing his hands. even the cold water burns his skin, and he wishes he could melt through the cracks on the floor. would he slim down then? would he finally be skinny enough?
ājimin!ā he hears his mother call, and he forces his way from the sink, sneaking out his parentās bathroom and into the living room outside. their apartment is small but cozy. jimin hates it.
untitled kim seokjin* pairing(s): platonic OT7 genre: fluff, angst tags/warnings: anxiety, depression, eating disorder, negative body image perception, lapslock (lower case)
SUMMARY
honestly, he canāt remember what itās like to live anymore.
PREVIEW
breathe in. breathe out.
three lucky charms. four cereal pieces. seven bits down the drain.
he smiles, staring at the milk-stained sink as the spoon clatters against metal, bowl turned upside down. itās uglyāwhite ink staining burnt grey like liquid cobwebs feeding on rust. it looks exactly as how he feels: dirty, wasted, trash. one-seventy-nine centimetres down the drain.
untitled kim taehyung pairing(s): Kim Taehyung/Reader genre: fluff, humour, probably angst bc knowing me tags/warnings: (sor far) nudity, profanity
SUMMARY/PREVIEW
Kim Taehyung has no regrets. Sure, he probably shouldāve thought twice before he spent all of his money on BIGBANG merch just to show Jungkook that yes, heās the bigger fanboy, and sure, he definitely shouldāve listened to Jimin when he warned Taehyung that no, he shouldnāt eat three whole pizza pies by himself, but that doesnāt mean he regrets any of his decisions. Even though blowing all his earnings on people heāll never meet did cause him to starve for a good or so month.
(Thank god for ramyeon.)
So, no, Jimin, he doesnāt regret running out of the shower butt naked when he heard her singing on her way to the second floor of their co-ed dorm, doesnāt regret shouting, āI love your voice!ā before she screamed, āOh my god, youāre naked!ā And he definitely doesnāt regret yelling, āOh, shit!ā into Oblivion before sprinting back into the bathroom to resume the hot shower he abandoned.
āFor fuckās sake, Taehyung,ā Jimin says to him once Taehyungās finished recounting the story, the two of them lying side by side on Jiminās bed. āYouāre going to get us kicked out.ā
āI should probably say hi,ā Taehyung muses, blinking at the ceiling. āDo you think she remembers me?ā
Jimin glances down, and snickers. āWith how small your dick is, she probably does.ā
untitled park jimin pairing(s): Park Jimin/Reader genre: fluff tags/warnings: (so far) blind!reader
SUMMARY
He is an angel; and she doesnāt need to see to believe. She fathoms his widespread wings as he gently picks her up, worriedly and urgently asking for her health, voice so soft it touches her skin like silk on smooth glass. His eyes must be crinkled in the corners, a smile stuttering through apologies, heart too warm for the human hand to touch. She imagines what he looks like, faintly deciding through his rapid Korean that he must be chesnut if not vanilla, not in skin but in connotation because he sounds and smells and feels like home.
Her pause is a millennia long, and she hears him repeat himself again, the sound of melting marshmallow oozing out of beautiful lips: āAre you alright?ā
She produces a smile, feathery and light, eyes glassy and the world continues to remain black. āIām fine,ā she replies, and her voice is cracked from its lack of use; she hasnāt met anyone worth talking to in what feels like a century. Another smile reappears, much strained than what sheās used to, and she picks herself up from where the concrete lay, the dust falling from her voile skirt. āNo damage done.ā
untitled kim taehyungĀ #2* pairing(s): Kim Taehyung/Reader, platonic OT7 genre: fluff, angst tags/warnings: i think itās schizophrenia?, mental illnesses, depression
SUMMARY/PREVIEW
There is a moment when time stands still. Itās fleeting, escaping the moment your fingers curl around it and pull. But it is during this moment happiness enraptures you with its warm hug as your heart thunders against your chestāthe steady thump, thump, thump of a snare drum awakening. It is during this moment pain ceases to exist.
But after, everything will come rushing back.
i have more but these are the ones that are decent, at the very least.
to pass the torch on, iāll tag @minmelly @kinky-koreans @pasteljeonggukk @haneulismykoreannameĀ @rnjmnster and anyone else who wants to do it! (if you donāt, no pressure. good luck to you and your writing!)
#tags#i actually have like 10 more wips#i didn't know i had this many#will i actually write any of these#hopefully at some point
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