#if those three had access to modern tech no one would stand a chance

[yaminerua]

clamp school detectives taking place in the 90s is hilarious because reading the manga or watching the anime and watching these kids do all the stuff that they do with the technology available to them makes you just wonder how goddamn powerful they’d be now with all the modern things they’d have at their disposal lmfao

[natromanxoff]

How prog were Queen?

By Dave Everley

On 9 January, 1971, Kevin Ayers and Genesis played a show together at the Ewell Technical College near Epsom in Surrey. Ayers was 18 months out of Soft Machine, and making a name for himself as a psychedelically-inclined art-folk rake. Genesis had released their second album, Trespass, a few months earlier, and were carving out a place in the vanguard of the burgeoning progressive rock movement.

There was a third band propping up the bill that night, a bunch of transplanted Londoners calling themselves Queen. In contrast to the wilfully artful approach of the headliners, their music was more straightforward: a heavy, if ornate blend of Led Zeppelin’s earthiness and the flights of fancy of Yes.

Not everyone in the small crowd watching them was impressed, but they caught the attention of one person. After the show, Genesis frontman Peter Gabriel pulled Queen’s blond-bombshell drummer Roger Taylor to one side. Gabriel’s band were about to dismiss their own drummer, John Mayhew, and were looking for a replacement. Was Taylor interested in joining Genesis? The reply was instant: thanks but no thanks. Taylor was utterly dedicated to Queen – there were gigs to play, places to go, and many musical adventures to embark on.

Had Taylor accepted the offer, the course of music – and specifically prog – would have been very different. Genesis would have flourished with Gabriel upfront, though whether they would have survived and prospered as they did without a Phil Collins to step into the breach after their talismanic singer’s departure was another matter.

The knock-on effect on Queen would have been greater. Taylor was an essential part of their carefully balanced four-way chemistry; a chemistry that would go on to throw up some of the most ambitious and game-changing music ever recorded. While Queen weren’t a capital ‘P’ prog band, they were infused with the spirit of the movement, combining its forward-looking values with its absolute disregard for the existing rules. Taking their cues from the likes of Yes, Genesis, Van der Graaf Generator and even Pink Floyd, their flamboyantly cavalier approach would go on to inspire such modern masters as Dream Theater, Queensrÿche and Muse. And, in Bohemian Rhapsody, they ensured that one of the biggest-selling singles in history was, at heart, a prog song. Forget the luxuriant moustaches and sawn-off mike-stands that would come to define them: if the prog ethos meant avoiding the expected, then Queen were definitely a prog band.

“Diversity was probably their greatest asset,” says former Dream Theater drummer and confirmed Queen devotee Mike Portnoy. “From song to song, they could be so different. You could have something that was folk followed by something that was rockabilly followed by something that was metal. And that’s one of the biggest things about prog, having that open-mindedness.”

Queen’s schooling in prog came early on. Brian May’s very first band, 1984, played a 4am slot supporting Pink Floyd at the Christmas On Earth Continued all-nighter in 1967. A year later, his next outfit, Smile – also featuring Roger Taylor – played with Floyd again, this time at London’s Imperial College. By the time of their gig opening for Kevin Ayers, Smile had changed their name to Queen and recruited Freddie Mercury. Collectively, they admired Yes, Van der Graaf Generator and especially Genesis. “Foxtrot is a prog rock classic,” Roger Taylor later wrote in the sleevenotes to Genesis box set 1970-1975. “Arrangements were highly complex in these early days, setting a benchmark for the style of the times.”

When it came to finding someone to produce their debut album, Queen’s first choice was John Anthony, who had worked with both Genesis and Van der Graaf. With Anthony and co-producer Roy Thomas Baker behind the desk, the eponymous album trod heavily in Led Zeppelin’s footsteps. But there was another, altogether more visionary band straining to spread their wings: My Fairy King was a filigreed slice of flamboyant rock’n’roll, while Liar metamorphosised through several different time changes and timings.

Those wings were fully unfurled on the follow-up, 1974’s Queen II. The title was the most prosaic thing about the record: the music inside was as fevered and baroque as rock gets, informed equally by Zeppelin, Yes and crazed Victorian artist Richard Dadd, whose 1864 painting The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke inspired one of the album’s most prog-leaning tracks. It may have been rooted in the heavy rock of the times, but its cavalier approach and sheer sense of scale pegged Queen as a defiantly progressive proposition.

“Queen weren’t like Yes, who had a dualistic role of guitar and keyboards, where both shared the terrain,” says Yes guitarist Steve Howe, supported by Queen at Kingston Poly in early 1971. “Brian had the terrain to himself. The remarkable thing was that he was the front and the back man. It required him to come up with more than guitar solos… He had to come up with a semi-thematic approach to play the guitar. And what he did was keep colouring.”

Queen’s prog inclinations would be deeply woven into the fabric of their early albums, from the audacious multi-part theatrics of Queen II’s March Of The Black Queen to the schizophrenic attack of the two-part Lap Of The Gods from 1974’s Sheer Heart Attack. Even in their more commercial moments, they marched to the beat of their own drum. What other band would have dared serve up something so unusual as Killer Queen?

“It was their diversity,” says Mike Portnoy, who first heard Queen as an eight-year-old in the mid-70s and covered many Queen songs while in Dream Theater. “Their albums took the prototype that The Beatles laid down with the White Album, where you had four different artists bringing in very different styles. Every song was so diverse. You get to A Night At The Opera, and you had this giant multi-layered epic like Bohemian Rhapsody next to something like Seaside Rendezvous or Love Of My Life.”

A Night At The Opera was Queen’s grand artistic statement and their most unashamedly prog album. Pitched around the epic twin tentpoles of The Prophet’s Song and Bohemian Rhapsody, it married their far-reaching vision to a distinctly British barminess. Taken on its own, the eight-minute The Prophets Song, with its incredible ornate a cappella middle section, would be enough to grant Queen access to the Prog Hall Of Fame. But even that sits in the inescapable shadow of Bohemian Rhapsody. Time and success might have lessened its impact, but that song remains the most dazzlingly unique piece of music ever to sell five million copies.

“There are epic things that come along every so often,” says Steve Howe. “There’s Sgt Pepper, there’s Bridge Over Troubled Water. And there’s Bohemian Rhapsody. I don’t know when I first heard it, but once it was there, it was such a formidable thing. You’re thinking: ‘How many tracks did they need to do those vocals? How did they write it? Who invented it? It really was astounding.”

Bohemian Rhapsody encapsulated one of the key things that gave Queen such a distinct identity. Like The Beatles and Beach Boys before them, they used the studio as an instrument – not least when it came to their vocals. And Bohemian Rhapsody raised the bar about as high as it could go.

“They sang each of those parts and triple-stacked them,” says Mike Portnoy. “You heard all three of their voices singing in all three vocal ranges. That’s what made the depth of their music so complex. It wasn’t the instrumentation, it was the vocals. That’s unusual for prog music. When I think of my favourite prog music, it’s always the musicianship that draws me. But with Queen, it was the vocals. It was so deep.”

For all its success, A Night At The Opera would be Queen’s grand kiss-off to their prog roots. Later albums streamlined their sound into a more conventional format. Much like Genesis, the 80s found them swapping experimentalism for chart rock.

It wasn’t until the end of their career as an active band that Queen would again sound so adventurous. During 1989 and 1990, the band began work on their penultimate album, Innuendo, in London and Montreux. In the summer of 1990, Yes guitarist Steve Howe paid a flying visit to the Swiss city, where a chance encounter with a former guitar tech found him being invited to Queen’s studio to hear the album as a work-in-progress.

“Inside, there’s Freddie, Brian and Roger all sitting together. They go: ‘Let’s play you the album,’” says Howe. “Of course, I’m hearing it for the first time: I Can’t Live Without You, I’m Going Slightly Mad. And they saved Innuendo itself until last. They played it and I was fucking blown away.”

If that was surprising, then what happened next was utterly out-of-the-blue. The members of Queen asked if Howe wanted to play on the title track. The Yes man politely suggested they’d lost their minds. It took the combined weight of Mercury, May and Taylor to persuade him.

“They all chimed in: ‘We want some crazy Spanish guitar flying around over the top. Improvise!’” recalls Howe. “I started noodling around on the guitar, and it was pretty tough. After a couple of hours, I thought: ‘I’ve bitten off more than I can chew here.’ I had to learn a bit of the structure, work out the chordal roots were, where you had to fall if you did a mad run in the distance; you have to know where you’re going. But it got towards evening, and we’d doodled and I’d noodled, and it turned out to be really good fun. We have this beautiful dinner, we go back to the studio and have a listen. And they go: ‘That’s great. That’s what we wanted.”

Released as a single in January 1991, Innuendo gave Queen their third Number One single. Like Bohemian Rhapsody 25 years before it, it was as unlikely as hit singles get: a six-and-a-half minute musical jigsaw, complete with flamenco runs, classically-inclined orchestral overloads and maverick 5/4 timing. Queensrÿche covered the song on 2007’s Take Cover album, while you can hear its echo in Radiohead’s Paranoid Android and Muse’s more elaborate sci-fi epics.

“In the world of rock, Queen stands out as a good example of the clash between guitar and piano in songwriting,” Muse’s Matt Bellamy has said. “I think that’s where you stumble across those more unusual arrangements and chord structures.”

Today, Queen have left a bi-polar legacy. They’re arguably best known for their pop hits – Radio Gaga, I Want To Break Free and of course, Bohemian Rhapsody, that ultimate prog Trojan Horse. But their spirit of adventure remains unmatched by all but the boldest of their peers.

“There was no rulebook for Queen,” says Mike Portnoy. “They broke most of the rules that existed, and then they wrote a new set.”

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Eleven: Adventure ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Virtual Vitality ] [ AO3 Link ]

Well...he can think of worse ways to go out.

Cliche as it is, the end of the world has been nigh for...quite some time. And while the rich bigwigs shuttle off for space and the poor are left to their devices, those somewhere in the middle have another option: a virtual reality for the digital records of their brains to live on for...well, there wasn’t a specific end date given. The servers are robust, robotic caretakers and spare parts galore left for maintenance in its secure, secret location, and the rest left to fate as the world breathes its last few breaths.

The queue for digitalization has been rampant for weeks. Every country has seen massive crowds gathering for a chance to achieve digital immortality. And Sasuke’s family were among them.

They managed to be among the earliest, finding a neurological scan facility within their city. It took several days of camping out along the sidewalk, slowly moving up as others dredged alongside them. But then came their turn.

To say it was chaotic would be an understatement. But so too was it obvious the staff was doing all it could to accommodate them all. Not only had they been doing it for weeks by that point, but surely they’d been trained beforehand to handle it, the numbers to be expected.

“Uchiha?”

“Yes,” Fugaku had rumbled in reply.

“Six in your party?”

“That’s right.”

Father, mother, brother...aunt, cousin, and himself, Sasuke mentally counted. The closest of their immediate family. The rest either lived far, or were simply never heard from.

“All right then...please, follow me.” A doctor with a clipboard escorted them to a room off a hallway that branched from the main lobby. Even there it felt crowded, and the tension in the air made Sasuke borderline anxious. Within the chamber were several chairs, a myriad of tech, and a head-level device attached to the ceiling, like one of those portable x-ray machines at a dentist’s office.

“All right...everyone please take a seat, and then we’ll get started as soon as I log your profiles.” The doctor turned to the computer, fingers flying over the keys as the Uchiha all settled nervously in their chairs...save for Itachi, who was put into place in his wheelchair.

“Eager to walk again?” Shisui asked quietly.

“I’m not sure ‘eager’ is the proper term given the overarching circumstances, but...relatively speaking? Yes,” was Itachi’s ever-dry answer.

“Well gee, thanks for making me feel like an asshole…”

“Sorry...I’m just...tense.”

“Yeah...I get that.”

“We will begin alphabetically, please. Fugaku, if you would?”

Giving his family a glance, Fugaku did as asked, standing and following the doc’s orders to stand perfectly still. Adjusting the scanner, they then stood back, plugging in something through the keyboard before the procedure began.

As if with a mind of its own, the machine began to move. Slowly turning about Fugaku’s head, it almost looked like some kind of wild animal cautiously circling. Doing his best to hold still, the patriarch’s eyes nonetheless swiveled in their sockets in an attempt to watch.

“And...that’s done! Itachi is next.”

Visibly relieved, Fugaku then positioned his son, the machine lowered to account for his seated posture.

And so it went, over and over until it was finally Sasuke’s turn. Standing in the proper place, he eyed the machine warily as it was set in place.

“Do your best to keep still, and we’ll wrap up with your cousin.”

“...right.”

“Now, things will go dark for the copy, and then it will wake in the server. For you, however, things will continue as normal.”

Heaving a steadying breath, Sasuke couldn’t help but flinch as it started to move. Around it went, slowly, the hum of its mechanisms sounding in his ears.

As soon as the machine stopped...everything went black.

...and then a moment later, he opens his eyes.

He’s...in some sort of...lobby…? It looks like a hotel or something, but...no one else is around. Where’s his family?

“Hey, finally! A familiar face!”

Turning, Sasuke’s brows lift. “Shisui?”

“Yeah! Apparently the data loads in small batches, so the others should be around soon...we’re advised to wait until then so no one gets separated.”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Some kind of npc lady. She’s been wandering around, clearly on a script.”

“What, like...a game?”

“Sorta. Also...you might want to change your clothes. You’re still in the default.”

“Default? What -?” Jostling as his cousin turns him toward a mirror, Sasuke blanches. He’s in a plain white t-shirt, pants, and shoes. Like some kind of mannequin or something. “...how...do I…?”

“Bring up your dominant hand, palm up.”

“...uh -?” Doing as asked, Sasuke glances to his left. Then, much like a game, some kind of...menu springs up, making him holler and stumble backward.

“Yeah, it...takes some getting used to. Anyway, see that, uh...chest of drawers looking icon? That’s the wardrobe. Pick whatever you want! You can even change the colors.”

“...huh.” Still a bit leery, Sasuke presses the ‘button’, watching as an inventory does indeed bloom. He’s...really not sure what to wear, and he doesn’t feel like taking all that long to look...so he settles on a dark top, a sweatshirt, and some jeans.

“There, that’s more like the Sasuke I know! Guess now we’ll just...sit and wait for - whoa!”

Glancing to Shisui, Sasuke has to do a double take. Itachi’s data has loaded...and…

“Dude...you’ve got legs!”

Looking a bit disoriented for a moment, Itachi then looks to his cousin...and then down. “...I’ve always had legs,” he eventually retorts. “These just...function.”

“You know what I mean,” Shisui replies, waving a hand. “Come on, let’s pick you some clothes, dude! You look like that one chick from that insurance commercial…”

Brow furrowing, Itachi lets himself be guided through the motions as Mikoto, her sister, and her husband then appear.

“Looks like we all made it,” Sasuke offers, moving to help walk them through what he himself has learned so far.

And then others start to load, typically by themselves or in pairs. Knowledge passes, and soon enough fifty or so people (individually dressed) mill about in the lobby.

“If I may have your attention, please!”

Everyone turns at the voice, finding a woman standing at the head of the room: likely the one Shisui mentioned.

“Greetings, and welcome to the post-Earth survival servers. Your data has been successfully loaded! I will now give you your introductory guide to the servers.

“Servers are all interconnected through various lobbies, like this one. To travel between servers, you need only return to the proper lobby, where you can load any of the available servers! The default exit point for this lobby is the ‘fantasy RPG’ server.”

“Wait, seriously?” Shisui whispers. “I wasn’t serious when I compared this to a game…!”

“A variety of people means a variety of experiences! A full list of lobbies and their contents are available for perusal in your menu. Simply lift your dominant hand, palm up, to access your personal menu. Data collected while in a server will be stored within each: so if you leave a server and come back, your previous data will be reloaded, and you can continue your experience where you left off! You can also restart at any time, should you wish to explore the world from the beginning again!

“This lobby will be closed for one hour while this batch of data are allowed time to pick their first server. If you haven’t made a choice, you will be moved to the default server to free up the lobby to load more data! And as mentioned, you can change servers at any time.

“Specific data can also be searched and found on the server maps through your menus, so you can always locate another data should you become separated!

“If you require any further explanations, there are guides and tutorials for hundreds of subject matter in your menu’s encyclopedia! Organize them by subject, or search for a specific aspect. Your hour begins now - please, enjoy your post-Earth experience!”

After an awkward pause, everyone starts talking amongst their groups, menus opening and plans being made.

“...well, that’s...not what I was expecting,” Itachi admits as the Uchiha all gather.

“Y’know...I might actually stick with this server to start,” Shisui muses, a hand at his chin. “I’ve always loved RPGs!”

The adults, however, express a desire to find something more...normal, perhaps modern.

“We can always meet up again later,” Sasuke offers with a shrug. “I mean, the map seems pretty easy to use. Cuz honestly...I might stick with Shisui. This sounds like fun.”

“Then I shall as well,” Itachi agrees, while the trio of elders offer to establish a kind of ‘home base’ in a modern server to regroup to.

“So...guess we just...head out, then?” Sasuke asks.

“Seems that way. But I have to wonder, if this really is an RPG server...where’s all the roleplaying options? Y’know, classes and all that?”

“Perhaps we will find out when we load into the server itself,” Itachi muses.

“Um...excuse me…?”

Finding themselves interrupted, the trio turn to find a young woman standing nearby. “Can we help you?” Itachi asks, ever polite.

“I, um...I couldn’t help but overhear that you...that you plan to stay in this server?”

“Yeah, we thought we’d give it a try,” Shisui confirms.

“Could...c-could I join you? At least to start, so I’m not b-by myself? The rest of my family, um...isn’t interested.”

The three exchange glances. “...I don’t see why not,” Sasuke replies. “You got a name?”

“Oh! Yes! It’s Hinata - Hinata Hyūga.”

“Well I’m Shisui - and these are my cousins, Itachi and Sasuke,” the eldest explains with the proper gestures.

“It’s nice to meet you!”

“Well, what do you say, guys? Should we go start ourselves a little adventure?” Shisui’s eyebrows wiggle, making Hinata giggle and the other two roll their eyes.

“This is going to be a long one,” Itachi sighs.

“We’ll just feed him to the first troll we find,” Sasuke suggests with a smirk.

“Oi!”

“That’s not very nice,” Hinata replies.

“Trust me...you’ll see what I mean soon enough.”

                                                              .oOo. 

     I am SUPER tired so I'll try to be brief.      My own little take on "living in an RPG", based a little bit on that game SOMA by Frictional Games, aka the brain scan part lol - I've never actually read / watched a story of "living in an RPG" so...this is me winging it xD      I'd like to do more, if the cut-off point doesn't make that obvious. It was getting a LITTLE long, and...it's very late and I'm exhausted OTL Been ill the last two days so my brain is just blegh, lol      Aaanyway, it's sleep time for me! Thanks for reading~

[japanstopbrawler1992]

I've already said Masaru's the muse that is least like me (and Bleach's Ichigo is so much like me, in my project I may end up just giving him my career)

But I do get enough to want to play him.

Of course, uh, well, anyone who knows me can tell you all about my difficulty with modern technology. Although I'm really handy with analogue tech, to the point I still mostly use it and can do basic repair on most of it (though, like me, it's all ageing and showing problems it didn't used to, at which point, I seem to become Tim Taylor...)

One of the things I do get is the basic feeling of anger. Mine is related to racism and queerphobia to the point of being an abuse survivor because of it. This is why my triggers are rage triggers, and they're things like "dressing up my human default English in exotic Japanese" and other "racism against certain groups is empowering uwu" kinda stuff.

Masaru's is maybe not as easy to point out, although his seems to be directed towards things that either endanger loved ones (Masaru v. Piyomon), hurt feelings into anger (Masaru v. Touma the second time, after he gave Touma his trust) or things that just violate his ethics code/are cruel (Kurata)

Also, feeling looked down on (Touma at first, ostensibly the motivation for the people he regularly fights with, who mostly look older than him), but I think that's probably most people.

And of course, violence is the first resort and something he regards as a moral imperative rather than something he does only if he must (conversely, Ichigo seems to fight regretfully when feeling forced into it, and Ken, well, the moment he realised he was being violent to living beings, that was horrifying enough to break him of control, and probably scar him for life. Will be upset if he's totally well-adjusted in Kizuna)

But I still get the anger, even if mine's through 23 years of acquiring CPTSD (and my understanding of trauma is why I said the last thing in brackets) and his is more just kinda how he's wired.

Will it ever calm down? I kinda picture there having to be an event to really bring home that he's gotta stop defaulting to violence. The anger, you know, that might even end up getting worse.

I used to solve the problems I could with fighting because I just didn't see another way. In high school, once the Japanese side of my family was all deceased, and it was the racist side and a bunch of racist Southerners, I quickly realised I had no school staff or any authority figures on my side, and all I was left with was my fists.

But when I turned legal age, I didn't wanna end up in prison, and I already knew the law only accepts self-defence if you're white. And you have to be monoracial white to be white. Those both being obvious, I became afraid to fight for myself.

I have even in recent years, rushed headlong into fights to protect others, but I'm trying to get the victim to safety, not take on the attacker. Honestly, joint degradation at this point means the latter wouldn't work, anyway.

One thing I can so easily see Masaru sharing with me is, even after all these years, I never figured out how to protect myself without violence.

I recently got pepper spray. Literally three days ago. I'll see what happens. The problem is I've been taught so hard to fear consequences of protecting myself.

But Masaru would still have two things I do, even if for different reasons.

1. He would not know how to effectively stand up for himself or his loved ones in the absence of violence being a viable route. Being ineffective would further fuel anger.

2. I think he'd be prone to worse buildup of anger once he can't let any of it out in violence. As he ages, things like insomnia, stress-related vomiting, and high blood pressure might be very real problems for him.

When you use your fists to solve problems, but you aren't an abusive person, you eventually submit to that not being a reasonable answer, and you end up with a "what now?"

And even a couple of decades after losing the option of violence, I still don't have an answer. People say "don't let it get to you" or "let it roll of your back," and that doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not that type of person. I'm not capable of that. And I don't think Masaru is, either.

Breathing excersises, walking meditation (you focus on chanting, not emptying your mind), knowing the one kind of person who actually is beneath me (I see all people as just that, people) is a bully, I dunno. I just think it's very hard for someone who once relied on violence to find something else that works. Bottling it all up keeps you from dealing with cops, which dealing with cops is never a good idea in America, but actually getting rid of the anger, if I haven't found that by 2020, someone so much younger than me is unlikely to have.

Sure, he has living family and people that are good fighters themselves, and let's be real, Touma deals with bigoted family hating his guts. He also duelled Masaru early on. He gets the satisfaction of violence.

So he has more possibility to be taught various ways to maybe somewhat mitigate the stress at one point, but his gut reaction will probably always be rage, and frankly, probably Touma is the only one who has a chance of knowing a way to help diffuse the rage after it's there.

That being said, Touma has other failsafes. He does look down on other people. He's got access to an ivory tower of loftiness, if you will. He's the one most likely to understand how Masaru feels, but he has his own background and viewpoint that Masaru doesn't have an equivalent. And let's be honest, Sayuri, and what we know of him, Suguru, don't really have that anger.

A lot of people I work with don't have that anger, either. They can let people calling them monkeys or "joking" about the Holocaust or calling ICE on them roll of their back. And they tell me to, and I just can't. So I don't feel like Sayuri or Suguru have the rage necessary to help Masaru cope once violence is no longer a viable route. I've come to realise that feeling rage is a fundamental type of person, just as Sayuri's apparent lack of an anger drive.

I think Touma comes closest to it. But I think he'd have to have a better answer than "know you're better than them." Masaru doesn't have that kind of high horse. In fact, he seems to at first, readily agree with and be angered by Touma being of upper class and accomplishment as well as his arrogance.

But as much as there's just got to be a solution to deal with the rage, which Masaru has in spades, I am currently unable to even concieve it myself. So as Masaru gets older, yeah, I think he'd have not-insignificant health problems related to just all that anger sitting in him.

[phroyd]

Yesterday, the European Parliament approved amendments to the controversial Copyright Directive, a piece of legislation intended to update copyright for the internet age. Few pieces of legislation have polarized Europe this much in recent years. Critics said the vote heralded the death of the internet, while supporters congratulated themselves for saving the livelihoods of starving artists and giving US tech giants a poke in the eye.

But the proposed change hasn’t finished happening yet, and it’s still too early to say exactly what it will mean. The text will be tweaked in upcoming negotiations, and the directive has a slim chance of being rejected altogether at another vote from the whole European Parliament 2019. Whatever legislation is passed will then have to be implemented by individual nations, all while facing likely legal challenges.

In other words, things are going to get more confusing before they get any clearer. But before that happens, let’s work out where we stand for now.

WHAT IS THE DIRECTIVE TRYING TO ACHIEVE?

Much of the outrage has been over two parts of the directive: Articles 11 and 13. But their intent, when described by supporters anyway, is pretty benign. Article 11 simply gives publishers the right to ask for paid licenses when their news stories are shared by online platforms, while Article 13 says that online platforms are liable for content uploaded by users that infringes copyright.

Both measures attempt to redress an imbalance at the core of the contemporary web: big platforms like Facebook and Google make huge amounts of money providing access to material made by other people, while those making the content (like music, movies, books, journalism, and more) get an ever-shrinking slice of the pie.

Not everyone involved in the creative industry is complaining about this, obviously. It’s benefited a lot of people, and a lot of internet users. But it’s obvious that the modern, ad-supported web has left companies in Silicon Valley extremely rich while torpedoing revenue in other industries. The Copyright Directive is supposed to level the playing field.

ARTICLE 11, THE LINK TAX

Article 11 is the so-called “link tax,” which gives publishers a right to ask for paid licenses when online platforms share their stories. The obvious target is aggregators like Google News, but opponents worry the law could have broader applications.

Some extreme interpretations have suggested that this might even stop ordinary web users sharing new stories, but the text of Article 11 does exempt individuals. It says that the new rights given to publishers “shall not prevent legitimate private and non-commercial use of press publications by individual users.” (You can read the amended version of Article 11 in this document on page 54.)

However, it’s not clear what counts as a commercial platform. What about blogs or RSS feeds that aggregate headlines in much the same way Google News does? What about a Facebook page operated by an individual who also has a huge audience?

There’s also the question of what counts as sharing a story. An amendment added to the directive in yesterday’s vote says that mere hyperlinks can’t be taxed, nor can “individual words.” But how many words is that? When do enough individual words become a snippet?

As is common with the Copyright Directive, it’s difficult to know what is even being asked. Julia Reda, MEP for the Pirate Party and one of the directive’s leading critics, says it’s just not clear enough. “This hyperlinking exception would not work online because no one clicks on a URL that doesn’t include a brief description of what it’s linking to,” Reda tellsThe Verge.

Critics also note that national versions of this law don’t tend to work. In Spain, for example, in 2014, a law was passed that forced publishers to charge news aggregators for sharing snippets. Google reacted by shutting down Google News; local aggregators couldn’t afford the fees and collapsed; and overall traffic to sites fell by as much as 15 percent. A similar opt-in law was passed in Germany in 2013. Google reacted by dropping sites who wouldn’t let their content be shared for free and again, traffic fell and publishers bent the knee.

ARTICLE 13, THE UPLOAD FILTER

The far bigger headache is Article 13, dubbed the “upload filter” by critics. It says that platforms “storing and giving access to large amounts of works and other subject-matter uploaded by their users” are liable for copyright infringement committed by users. (Meaning they can be sued by rights holders.) So, platforms and copyright holders must “cooperate in good faith” to stop this infringement from happening in the first place.

The difficulty, again, is working out what this provision actually means and how it might be enforced. (You can read the amended version of Article 13 in this document on page 56.)

Critics are clear: it means upload filters, forcing sites like YouTube and Facebook to scan every piece of content users share, and checking it against a database of copyrighted material. Such a mechanism would be ripe for abuse by copyright trolls and would make millions of mistakes. The technology simply doesn’t exist to scan the internet’s content in this way.

This specter of an upload filter has been framed by critics as the EU trying to “kill your memes.” Proponents of the bill say this isn’t the case, and that previous laws make parodies and memes exempt from copyright claims. Reda claims this doesn’t help.

“There are two problems with this,” Reda tells The Verge. “The first is that exceptions or limitations to copyright on a European level different from country to country, and a lot of countries do not have exceptions for memes, for example. The second problem is that even where memes are legal, upload filters would not be capable of distinguishing between them and infringing material.”

Reda gives the example of someone making a reaction GIF from a popular movie. How would an algorithm judge the context that GIF was being used in? It would just spot the infringing content and take it down.

However, some people disagree with this interpretation, and say the text of the Copyright Directive doesn’t actually necessitate upload filters. Instead, it would be something more like YouTube’s Content ID, which scans content after the fact for copyrighted material.

“I’m not sure it does amount to an upload filter,” Mark Owen, an IP specialist at UK law firm Taylor Wessing tells The Verge. Owen says the version of the directive before this week’s vote “was more like that,” but was tweaked as a compromise to ���enable parliament to vote for this version.”

The older version of the directive talks about “the use of effective content recognition technologies” to identify infringing material, a phrase that’s now been removed from the text. Exemptions were also added specifically for sites like Wikipedia and GitHub, which both share a lot of user-generated content.

If Article 13 does lead to super-powered Content ID, that’s not going to be a good thing. Content ID is known to make mistakes, like taking down a video for the “copyright infringement” of having birds chirping in the background. These sorts of mistakes would only multiply if Content ID had to cover a wider range of material, and getting mistaken takedowns reversed would become a more lengthy process than it is now.

“These laws are written to a large extent by politicians who don’t use the internet very actively,” says Reda. “If you think the internet is made up of just YouTube and Facebook, you will come up with this sort of sweeping legislation.”

ANY OTHER BAD NEWS?

Yes! While Articles 11 and 13 have gotten the most attention so far, the new directive does also tighten up copyright in lots of smaller ways. There are concerns over how the directive treats text and data mining programs (or TDM), for example, potentially exposing automated scanners to copyright claims. And one clause, only added recently, might give sports leagues exclusive rights over any images or video of a game, a significant escalation in the ongoing fight over sports GIFs that might extend to fan-taken photos of a stadium before the game.

SO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

This version of the Copyright Directive now goes into trilogues — a type of three-way dialogue (hence the name) between select members of Parliament, the European Commission, and representatives of member states. This process generally happens behind closed doors, meaning there’ll be little public oversight or news coming out of the process. It’s possible that some of the more troubling parts of the directive will be removed, which is what Axel Voss, the MEP who’s been leading the charge on the legislation, has promised. But it’s also possible the directive will stay much the same.

After trilogues, the directive will face a final vote from the European Parliament some time in spring 2019. That could be as early as January, or as late as March.

This vote will be the last chance to reject the directive entirely. It’s worth noting that although the entire legislation passed with a decent majority (438 in favor versus 226 opposed), the vote on specific amendments was closer (393 versus 279 for Article 11, and 366 versus 297 for Article 13). This shows there was sizable opposition to these worrying parts. The vote will also be taking place close to EU elections in May, giving vocal citizens good leverage if they want to persuade their representatives to take up a specific stance.

But having got this far, it’s unlikely the directive will fail to pass altogether. Most experts The Verge spoke to say that’s just not how the EU tends to work. “The European Parliament is a body of compromise. If the agreement in the trilogues goes a certain direction, it’s super hard for the plenary to overturn that,” Gus Rossi, global policy director of US nonprofit Public Knowledge, told The Verge earlier this week.

IP lawyer Owen agreed, saying the groups backing this legislation have been after it for too long to turn back now. “This is the first major change to online copyright since 2001,” says Owen. “It’s taken a long time to get to this point, and you’ve got to wonder whether Parliament will just say ‘Well, we did that, and we’re not going to have another go in three years’ time.’”

If the final vote goes through, member states should have two years to implement the directive into their own legislation (the usual time period for this sort of law). What happens then is anyone’s guess. Reda suggests that if large platforms do have to introduce filters, it could lead to services stopping in Europe altogether — as we saw after GDPR.

“They might decide to just geoblock Europe, and just make their services not available to people accessing the internet from Europe,” says Reda. “They won’t have a lot of good options.” This would accelerate the balkanization of the web, as the regulatory landscapes of different geographic regions drift away from one another.

But that’s yet to come. The bad news is that the fight over Europe’s internet is far from over. That’s the good news, too.

Phroyd

[robronsecretsanta]

Fanfic: the past is the past and it’s here to stay

(canon compliant until present, and then it’s all my doing. 10k. tw: discussions of memory loss.)

In which the year 2020 rolls around, and new technology allows Robert to enter his own memories and see his mum again.

Or- the one where Aaron has to save Robert from his dumbass ending up in a Black Mirror episode.

Written for @robronsecretsanta 2017, to the wonderful @iwillsendapostcard who makes this fandom a better place every day, and someone I’m so lucky to call a friend. I hope you have a wonderful day lovely xxxxxxx

It all started in the most inappropriate place. Something that ends up changing your life shouldn’t have started in a stuffy portacabin, with someone like Jimmy bringing it into existence.

“What do you fancy for tea, then?” Aaron said, sitting himself down on Robert’s desk and putting his hand on Robert’s thigh to alert him. “Could make one of them M&S Christmas thingys Liv picked up.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, smiling easily, the way that he always did these days, nearly three years of marriage making them good with each other, good for each other. “We could- oi, Jimmy, could you turn that down maybe? Not everyone’s as deaf as ya.” Jimmy’s recent foray into the world of video news on his iPhone had been personally occurring just to fuck over Robert’s life, he imagined. Especially since Jimmy apparently hadn’t heard of the existence of headphones.

“Oi,” Gerry opened the door to the portacabin, sticking his head in, cheeks red from the cold, pointing in the direction of Aaron. “Get back out here will ya? As big as me muscles are I don’t reckon I can lift this car all on me lonesome.” Aaron rolled his eyes and gave robert a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. Robert felt warmth spread to his chest, the way he couldn’t ever stop it from doing these days, every time he saw how easily Aaron would show him affection even front of idiots like Jimmy King.

“Look at this though, seriously,” Jimmy bounded over to him, shoving his phone in his face. “Mind- oh hang on, gotta go back to the beginning-“

“Get that out of my face, Jimmy,” Robert said rolling his eyes, but before he could properly shove Jimmy off the video began, and Robert was staring at a well-dressed newswoman on the BBC, holding a microphone and standing in front of an incredibly and strikingly white building.

“The so-called MemoryTech has already been implemented in police stations in the capital, and is soon to be rolled out throughout the country. However it’s here, in Leeds, where the first private use is taking on experimental trials for private use. Dr Emily Park, a psychiatrist, had this to say.” The camera cut to a well-dressed woman, standing in front of a large, corporate-looking building.

“The way we saw it was that there was an easy and clear parallel to accessing memories for the purposes of eyewitness statements to helping our patients with grief. In a controlled environment, we have been able to allow adults who lost their parents while they were very young to access memories of them, to young widows and mothers- it isn’t a solution, but it has been shown to have very beneficial effects for allowing the patients to move on in a constructive way. Think about the ability to say the thing you never got to. This is that chance.”

“Of course, it’s worth noting the high price tag- nearly 30 thousand pounds for a 30 minute session- although of course the time manipulations could make it seem as if months are passing-“

“2020, year of the future, eh?” Jimmy grabbed the phone from where it had been in front of Robert’s face. “Not for me, getting involved with that tech stuff.”

“Well, of course, probably nothing you’d want to relive anyway, eh Jimmy?” Robert said, flicking through some papers.

“Some nights with Nicola,” Jimmy said, ambling back to his desk. “I wouldn’t mind havin a’ peek at those an all. Probably the same for you and your Aaron,”

Robert was preparing a witty response in his head, trying to decide which best avenue would be the most suited for reminding Jimmy that there was nothing he wanted less to hear about than Jimmy and Nicola’s disgusting and prolific sex life- when he was stopped by an incoming text message from Victoria.

‘Thinking of mum today- Diane found this photo of you and her. xxxx’

Attached was a photo of Robert from when he had probably been about 4. They were standing in front of an ice rink, Sarah holding him up with a huge smile on her face. A big red scarf wrapped around her neck that 4 year old Robert was grabbing with one of his hands. Robert felt the usual rush of warmth he did whenever he saw a photo of her, as he desperately tried to recall any memory of that day.

There wasn’t any.

He excused himself, typed in some search terms into his phone’s browser, before clicking the number and calling the company in Leeds.

—-

“I just don’t-“ Aaron rubbed his hands over his eyes, later that day. Robert had burst in, talking to him quickly as he threw his stuff together, about Sarah, and an institute, and a quick last minute cancellation appointment. “It’s a bit weird, y’know? I mean, how do they access the memories?”

“It’s just a small procedure, it’s like- a smart phone, but a small one, like a chip, right?” Robert said, taking his phone back from Aaron. “or smart technology, and then they surgically implant it and it’s able to travel to your head, and then it’s able to access the memories from there, and-“

“They can just fuck with your head, yeah,” Aaron said, folding his arms. Years of marriage had made them both realise when something was going to be A Fight, their stupid dedication to open and honest communication making their big fights much less frequent but still easy to demarcate. “Which you decided to tell me about an hour before you’re heading off to Leeds for it? And 30 grand for 30 minutes?”

“It’s not like we can’t afford it,” Robert got up and continued his haphazard search for his scarf, “Look, I- I would’ve told you earlier, okay, but I only found out about it this morning- well, you heard Jimmy same time I did- and I didn’t think they could fit me in for months because of the waiting times but there was a cancellation and-“

“On the kitchen table with your keys.”

“Cheers,” Robert moved over and picked it up and started shoving on his coat. Aaron felt himself get lost in it, the way he still did after all this time- the long black winter Burberry coat suiting him so well that it made Aaron’s heart ache to think that he was leaving, even for a few hours. The way he always did, these days. “I have to go to the bank first, I need to leave here soon if I’m gonna make it to Leeds with enough time, especially if there’s traffic-“

“Rob I just- hang on a minute,” and with one move Aaron’s hands were on Rob’s shoulders, stopping him from moving back towards the sitting room. “Can we just talk about this a little more, I mean, we don’t know anything about this stuff, really-“

“I know it’s a chance to see my mum again, Aaron,” Robert said, fixing his eyes on him. “Don’t you get that? If I don’t go today, it could be years. The waiting list is that long. Wouldn’t ya pay anything to see Jackson again-“

“Don’t mention him like that,” Aaron said, hurt coming to his face, and there it was- an absolute fight. “And, y’know what? No, I wouldn’t. Because some things are better left in the past, they aren’t worth-“

“If it’s the money, I can pull out from one of my old investments-“

“You know it’s not the money, I don’t care bout the money, I care about you and I’m worried about ya, we should talk about this-“

“It’s my mum,” Robert finally said raising his voice, something he hated doing. “Do you get that, Aaron? I don’t remember something that happened when we were young and soon I won’t remember anything- she’ll keep- she’ll keep fading, the one person who loved me unconditionally until you, the one person-“

“Robert, please can we just-“

“I have to go,” Robert threw his bag over his shoulder and walked towards the door of the Mill. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

—

“Mr Sugden?” Robert looked up to see a well-dressed woman in a cream coloured suit smiling at him and quickly stood up, putting his phone in his pocket. “My name is Dr Morgan Rodgers- call me Morgan- I’ll be taking you through the procedure.”

“Hiya,” he responded, shaking her hand.

“If you just follow me, please,” she motioned towards him to follow her through a long white, long corridor. After about a minute, he watched her enter in a key code and open two large doors bearing the warning DO NOT ENTER UNLESS ACCESS IS GRANTED.

“This is where you’ll be set up,” she said, and Robert took a moment to be truly and utterly shocked at what he was seeing- a spacious room with a gorgeous view of the countryside, a leather reclinable-looking practically identical to the one in Robert and Aaron’s own living room. The only thing abnormal was the presence of two, well-dressed men wearing suits, standing conspicuously over a third man, much younger and dressed casually. He was sitting in a chair surrounded by three large, sleek computer desktops and what appeared to be a heart rate monitor.

“You can have a seat over here,” Morgan pointed towards the leather chair. Robert obliged, eyeing the- tech guy? In front of him pointedly. “Oh, right. This is- Dr Murphy. He runs through the technology at first, to make sure it’s all sound.” She looked at all of them pointedly. “I think that’s enough, thanks,” she motioned until all three were filing out of the room. “Shall we begin?” She sat Robert down.

“We can just, do it here?”

“Modern medicine, eh?” She said with a smile. “No operating table. Try to lean back, be as relaxed as you can. This will only take a minute.” She unrolled his sleeve and pushed it up, beginning the process of hooking him up to an IV. Robert closed his eyes.

He awoke to a room that was completely empty. Calling it a ‘room’ seemed incorrect as well- vast, empty space, no walls, just a monitor in the centre. Robert was entirely himself- nothing hooked up to him- and was still wearing the blue patterned shirt and jacket that he had been wearing when he had been sedated. He fiddled with his wedding ring, feeling it ground him as a wave of anxiety threatened to pull him under.

“And we are… all set up,” Morgan said. “You have paid for one memory, which you can choose here-“ she pressed a few buttons and suddenly there were memories filling the void, silent videos running side by side. He saw flashes of his mum, Jack, Andy, Victoria- and then more recent ones. He felt himself focus in on one of Aaron smiling, smiling into a kiss with him on their wedding. “If you like more, you can always press this button,” she gestured to a bright yellow pound sign at the corner of the screen, “and top up. Just a signature, same rates of payment.”

“Do you- lead me through it?” Robert asked. Coming closer to stare more properly at the memories.

“No, we don’t feel that’s appropriate for privacy reasons,” Morgan said. “These are your memories. Now,” she smiled at him warmly. “Where would you like to begin?”

��

Robert’s phone went straight to voicemail.

It had been two hours, and Aaron had cooled off. He had timed how long it would take Robert to get to Leeds, be there for an hour and get home, and then factored in time for him to go have a drink and be upset, before starting to worry.

Robert didn’t switch off his phone.

—

He’d picked the ice skating, of course. Morgan had disappeared as soon as he had selected it, so it was just him- the whiteness of the void instantly changing to his childhood kitchen. He saw himself- 4 years old- sitting at the breakfast table with Sarah. He was talking to her about something, babbling in the way that little kids do, but in a way that Robert had never remembered doing.

And it was her, her alive, no sign of Jack, probably out early, and she was alive, and okay, and Robert felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Mum?” he said tepidly, looking for a reaction. “Mum?” He went closer to the table and began to get louder. “Mum, it’s Robert, look at me-” (’non-interference,’ he remembered the administrative assistant saying on the phone. ‘No way of talking to them. Just watching. Think of it as a baby monitor.”)

“No,” he said. “No, no no, I don’t want to do this, I can’t talk to her, I need to talk to her, please get me out, please-“

“Robert?” And a voice was suddenly behind him. Her voice.

The Sarah and Robert of the past still playing in front of him, her lifting Robert into her lap to read him a story. Who was behind him was her. Sarah.

“Mum,” and he ran and hugged her with everything he had.

“It’s okay,” she said, soothing him with a rub to his back. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

—

He managed to calm down after an hour, Sarah explaining to him that she was real, but she wasn’t- she was memories forming an image of her, talking like her without being back from the dead. A gift from Morgan, someone to help him through it. Robert had struggled at first, wanting to know everything about her life, being met with a gentle reminder that the MemoryTech was for him, not for her.

She’d managed to finally ply him, though, when the memory shifted to the rink and they had been able to watch the skating.  

Are you feeling alright, Robert?” Sarah asked, year old self be dragged around by a laughing Sarah.

“Just thinking, I suppose,” he was holding a hot chocolate, and could smell the hint of salted caramel that the barista from the local coffee shop had added into it- a fancy one, built for beleaguered parents aiming to take a break from their kids. “Thinkin’ that the rink will be closing soon. But- it’s my mind, right? I could have it where it doesn’t close, where mum and me get to skate all day again?”

“The rink closes because it’s a memory,” Sarah said gently. “And look-“ she pointed towards Robert and her counterpart, busily zipping up his coat. “It’s time for you to go home to supper.”

“Home to shouting and crying, more like,” he threw his empty cup in the nearby bin. “I’d rather just spend time with you, even though you’re- not you.” He’d not been able to stomach asking how it was true, how she could be there when she was also in memory, how this Sarah looked and sounded and acted like his mum but couldn’t be her, really- just recycled memories forming her exact persona. Robert hated that it still felt like more than he’d had in ages, that he strangely didn’t have a feeling it wasn’t enough.

“There are many more memories we can go to,” Sarah said, again kind, painfully kind. “But I’m afraid that’s time.” She waved a hand and soon it was just her and him back in a completely empty, white room next to what appeared to be a large desk- filled with touch screen buttons. “What’s lucky is that was only 30 minutes, outside,” she went over to the desk and began fiddling with it. “You can get home for supper. Unless, of course, you wanted to top up your time, and show me some more?”

“Aaron will be worried,” Robert said, looking at the flashing pound sign on the board.

“You’ve still not told me much about him,” Sarah said, walking away from the monitor. “I’m sorry I could never meet my son-in-law. I would give anything to see him now, to see how happy he makes you.” She began fiddling with the controls, until Robert was met with large visions the way he had earlier- but instead of him and Sarah, and Victoria, and Andy, they were all of him and Aaron. Their first wedding, their second wedding. Proposing to him by his bedside. Hugging him in the pub so many years ago. Slow dancing at Sam and Lydia’s wedding.

“Do you want to show me any of these?” Sarah said, pulling up the auto-topup options with its distinct cash register sound. Before he could really think Robert was pressing the button, signing, and then diving as fast as he could into the memory of proposing to Aaron by his bedside.

—

It was when he got the text that Aaron began to really worry. He went and saw Victoria and Diane.

“So you’ve not seen him either?” Aaron tried to quell the panic in his voice as he began twisting the sleeve of his jumper. All the way there he had clung on to the hope that Robert had contacted them, hoping that he had gone to stay with one of them, needing some space but being alright, being alive.

“Well, right, hang on, how long are you sayin’ he’s been missing for?” Victoria began to look alarmed, putting her basket of shopping down near the tills. “Have you had a fight or summat?”

“No, well- yeah, but that’s not the point, look, he went to do this weird memory thing, which he said was in Leeds, and then I got some texts from him, and- look,” he handed the phone to Victoria.

“I can’t make you understand this. I need some time to myself,” Victoria read out. “Second message- ‘you’d do anything to see your Jackson again.’”

“What’s he talkin’ about?” Diane asked, and Aaron hated it, hated the rising panic in her voice, hated that Robert had put it there, just like he’d done to him.

“Okay, so you’re saying- Robert’s gone to do some memory- thing- that allows him to see mum,” Victoria said slowly. “And he’s not come back, but he’s been textin’ you? So he’s okay. Look, you know how he gets.”

“He’s always been impulsive,” Diane added, adopting a defiantly measured tone. “And he loved her so much, pet. It’s probably just a lot to take in, he’s probably holed up in a hotel room somewhere, brooding.”

“It’s not him,” Aaron said. “I can tell. Someone’s got his phone.”  

“Aaron,” Victoria said meeting him with one of her warning tones of voice that Aaron had come accustomed to from his sister-in-law. “Look. I know you’re worried, and you’d rather him be home with you than out in some lab in Leeds, but he’s safe, right? He says so here. And I just saw him today! He’s only been gone what, a few hours?”

“It’s not him,” Aaron started again. “I know it isn’t, Vic.”

“Aaron, how would they know about this? You think he’s been, what, kidnapped?”

“I know you’re worried, Aaron love, and I don’t know anything about this but I know Robert, and Robert never got over Sarah, it’s understandable he needs some time,” Diane jumped in, placing a reassuring hand on Aaron’s arm.

“He’s impulsive, Aaron, It’s what he’s like,” Victoria said, handing him back his phone.

“Used to be what he’s like,” Aaron said after a pause. “Maybe you don’t see that- yeah, okay, he ran away, and he used to run at the first sign of danger, but he’d never do this, he wouldn’t just leave and send me somethin’ like this, he wouldn’t leave me like this,” and Aaron felt tears come in that he was unable to stop, fuck it- “I know him, and he wouldn’t. And the way he talks? The way he’s talked here? That’s not Robert. It’s tryin to be him, yeah, and it might be doin’ an alright job, but it’s not him. So someone’s bein’ him, and fine, it’s been a few hours, but it’s him.” He ran an exasperated hand through his hair. “And I dunno where the fuck in Leeds he is, but I’m not spendin’ anymore time without him, so- whatever, you can come, you can’t come, but I’m bringin’ him home, so.” He turned and walked out but then felt two hands on each of his shoulders pulling him back.

“You’re not goin’ on a rescue mission without us,” Diane said with a small smile. “Even if Robert is just sittin’ and moping in a hotel room.”

“We take my van,” Victoria added. “Leave in an hour.”

“Why an hour?”

“Because if you’re gonna be breakin’ into a multimillion pound tech company, Aaron, we’re gonna need to get some of yer family with us, won’t we?”

—

“My son, married to a Dingle,” Sarah said, smiling at the memory- Aaron and Robert in the garage, exchanging vows. “I never thought that would happen.”

“He changed everything,” Robert said. “Aaron did. It was- complicated. I don’t want you to see the person I was,” he added. “During a lot of it. But we got there.”

“He seems wonderful,” Sarah said, looking towards Aaron, who was in the middle of saying his vows. “Kind.”

“He is,” Robert said. “He changed everything for me. Made-“ Robert shrugged. “I dunno, I guess- for awhile it didn’t seem like I couldn’t ever be happy, and then I was with him, and it made me feel like everythin’ made sense- I mean, you’ll see next-“ but before he could say it, they were back, in the white void, the void he had gotten too familiar with.”I really thought the wedding would be included in this one,” he said looking desperately towards the video clip of Aaron and him slow dancing at their wedding.

“I’d like to see more,” Sarah said. “Can you show me more?”

—

Cain, Moira and Belle in the end were the ones who joined, along with Vic and Diane.

He had to talk Cain out of bringing a variety of offensive and menacing weapons and limited him have a gun and a baseball bat only.

It was nice, in a way, to see his uncle willing to inflict grievous bodily harm for Robert.

(His wife willing to as well.)

They got to the warehouse, broke in easily, and saw a woman wandering around, monitoring what were hundreds of people in reclinable chairs, hooked up to IVs and computers.

“What the-“ the woman said, as they advanced upon her. Aaron broke into a run when it became clear who she was next to, who’s IV she was monitoring.

Robert’s.

She reached for her phone quickly, pressing an alarm button.

Cain and Moira reacted first, grabbing the woman and restraining her to the chair, Moira crushing the phone with her foot. Aaron ran to Robert.

“You, explain, now,” Moira glared menacingly down at the woman- Morgan- as she struggled under her restraints.

“You- you have this all wrong, y’know,” she said grappling. “I can’t control this.”

“You’re gonna get him out of that thing right now or I swear to god,” Victoria came over, and was inexplicably holding a stapler. “I swear to god, you’re going to bring my brother back, you absolute psycho-“

“He will come back, they always come back,” Morgan said, breathing quickly, fear coming over her at the sight of the gun trained on her. “I swear.”

“Oh yeah, all this lot here, back and happy with their families, huh, are they?” Cain pointed at the hundreds of men and women lying in their reclinable chairs around them.

“A couple hundred,” Morgan breathed tensely, “Out of hundreds of thousands that we have in this trial, all over the country, are still here. Most see their loved ones, remember something forgotten, and then decide to leave. And we let them go! What’s the point you’re trying to prove? And they will come back. But we can’t make them come back.”

“Right, you lot just gave them a way that they would never want to leave, is that right?” Diane jumped in, staring with utter menace in her eyes.

“And that’s not wrong, is it? For people to get stuck in their memories, paying thousands of pounds to stay here while you profit?” Belle jumped in. “I read about that.”

“If an old millionaire wants to stay stuck in the past before he ruined his life, we give them that opportunity,” Morgan said.

“Oh, don’t pretend you’re a hero of the people lady,” Belle said. “Look at them. Your rich investors are the ones profiting and that woman, do ya seriously think she’s got a load of cash?” She gestured towards a woman nearby. “How could she even pay?”

“Or what is it you’re doin’ to make it worth your while,” Cain said, approaching Morgan with the air of a newly released tiger. “I think that’s the question I want to know the answer to.”

“Cain,” Moira said warningly, from where she standing near Aaron, who was still looking at Robert’s face with an air of complete brokenness.

“He’s not waking up,” Aaron said, running his thumb in circles over Robert’s hand. “He’s- Robert’s not waking up.”

“So you’re gonna figure out a way to make him wake up,” Cain said menacingly.

“If you’d all stop threatening me and listen for a second, you’d understand that I can’t,” she said, glaring up at Cain. “Don’t you get it? It’s autonomous. I enter in the information, I set it up, I talk them through it, but then the cookie that’s in there is a simulation of me who runs everything. I’ve got nothing to do with it.”

“A simulation-“Aaron got up and walked towards her finally. “What’d ya mean by that?”

“It’s a chip out of my brain containing my consciousness,” Morgan said with a tone of annoyance that Aaron felt was frankly entitled. “A piece of it. And it runs all of them. Not just his, all of them. It’s so I don’t have to be in all the simulations at once, or spend what feels like years running some sad sack through his daughter’s wedding again and again-“

“Oh, it’s a bit rough for you is it?” Aaron’s voice got louder. “Well that’s great, cause you had no problem trapping my husband in there with you, gettin’ him to spend however much money, what, what do you just build a friendship, yeah? Make him feel all good and like he can trust you?”

A flicker of a micro expression hit Morgan’s face, as she attempted to cover it up. “No-“

“What is it you’re not telling me?” Aaron said. “I won’t ask you again,” he said looking over at Cain.

“It wouldn’t work if it was just me,” she finally said. “We can- change what we look like, in the memory space. He thinks-“ she sighed and then regarded him warily. “He thinks he’s with his mother.”

All hell broke loose.

Aaron heard shouting. It was all he could hear as he felt himself sink back. Moira, by far the calmest so far, had come over and slapped her across the face.The sounds of Diane and Victoria shouting drowned out the defences that he could hear Morgan trying to proclaim. He felt himself stumble back and his body moved, without thinking, to where Robert was. The need to be near him, the need to hold him tight and make it all feel better seemed primal in how quick and all-encompassing it was. He felt himself move Robert slightly to his right, muscle memory from nights of Robert star-fishing across their bed, and curled up next to him.

“Hey,” he said quietly, having no sense of self-consciousness despite how many people were in the room, even if they were currently too distracted to notice. “Rob, hey, it’s me.” He looked over his face, completely still. Aaron hated it. He spoke the final word like a prayer, as he figured out what he needed to do.

“I’m gonna get you out, okay?”

—

Sarah leaned back on the bar, where the remnants of the second wedding still remained- petals thrown over Robert and Aaron that had landed there, spilled champagne. “I can’t believe you fulfilled the Dingle welly tradition, twice,” she said with a laugh. And then, more sincerely- “Thank you for showing me that.”

Robert was also leaned on the bar, staring at the people milling about and heading home. He hoped Sarah wouldn’t ask where he and Aaron had gone off, or worse ask to see- he remembered the desperate kissing on their bed in the hotel, both of them taking off each other’s suits and discarding them and the feel of Aaron beneath him until they were both too tired to even think about going back to their own wedding. They’d only managed after napping, showing up in disheveled suits that left nothing to the imagination in terms of what they had been doing.

“I wish you’d been there,”

“Can I see this one?” Sarah asked, looking at him and fiddling with the buttons as the familiar white room began appearing behind them, the auto-top up screen appearing behind them. The memories appeared up and he saw what was nearly ready to autoplay, him and Aaron in the pub, saying goodbye. The day after their first wedding.”When was this?”

“It’s- painful,” he said finally. “I can- I can show you another,” he said, remembering the trip to Wales with Liv and Aaron, their first proper trip as a family. “I can show you something better.”

He pressed the button.

—

“You can’t go in there, Aaron,” Cain said staring at him with menace. “Don’t even think about it.”

“You can do it, can’t ya,” Aaron turned to Morgan with madness in his eyes. “You can use your- whatever technology, and put me in there.”

“Aaron,” Cain said warningly.

“We don’t-“ Morgan looked from Aaron to the others, seemingly choosing her words carefully. “I have no idea where they are. I told you. I don’t control this. The version of me that’s in there accesses the memories. When the patient wants to leave- which most of them do after a bit, the cookie version of me shuts down the programme and brings them back. And we-“ She looked towards the floor and then back to Aaron, “we move them here, we only move them here when they’ve been gone longer than a few hours. When it’s been a few months in the simulation.”

“This just gets better and better,” Aaron said closing his eyes.

“I could put you in there, but there’s no way to guarantee you’d find him,” Morgan said harshly. “You’d get stuck there yourself. These aren’t your memories. The system isn’t built for this. We’ve never done it before.”

“That sounds like a few good reasons to sit back and think about this, Aaron,” Moira said, coming over to him.

“He will come back,” Victoria added, placing a hand on Aaron’s arm. “I know he will. He wouldn’t leave ya, Aaron. He couldn’t.”

“They’re-“ and tears were in his eyes, because fuck it, “They put him in with your mum, Vic, but it’s not your mum,” Aaron used one of his sleeves to wipe his eyes. “It’s not your mum, and he’s alone, and I promised him I’d never let him be alone again.” Aaron didn’t care about how it sounded, the rising panic he felt in every part of his body outweighing any sense of self-consciousness over it, over bearing this much of himself and his relationship to half of their families. He took a deep breath, and then moving quickly so no one could react, crouched down beside Morgan and began untying her hands. “So you’re gonna- you’re gonna hook me up, or whatever, and put me in there and I’m bringin’ him home.”

Morgan began to stand up once her hands were untied which prompted Cain to hold the gun up. “Don’t you move a step,” he said, and looked at Aaron. “Mate, I can’t go back without ya. I’m not doin that to my sister.”

“Then don’t,” Aaron said by way of reply, and moved with Morgan towards the computer. “Look- keep the gun on her. Make sure she doesn’t do anythin’ weird. And make her fix it. Make her get us out.” He grabbed one of the empty lounge chairs nearby and pulled it so that it was next to Robert’s. “You all should know by now anyway I’m not takin’ no.”

Cain nodded swiftly. “Well, what’re you doin, then? Get over.”

“I would like to just once more say how idiotic this plan is,” Morgan said. “Just for the record.”

“Yeah, and I think you’ve probably lost all rights to tell us how to do anything, though,” Aaron said, meeting her with a hardened gaze. “Just do your fuckin’ job.”

Morgan looked at him for a minute, and then to the gun trained on her, and began to type into her computer.

“I’m dismantling the firewalls on the control panel in the MemorySpace,” Morgan said. “And the… payment options.” She added quickly, looking furtively at her screen. “I could take you through it myself-“

“And let ya figure out some sort of escape route while in there, I imagine?” Moira walked over and stood next to Cain. “We’re doin’ this for Aaron and then you’re gonna figure out a way to get every single person in this room out of it.”

“Well, that’s impossible,” Morgan said. “But okay.” Cain reacted quickly to hold back Moira, who looked ready to jump on her. “I need one of you to help,” Morgan continued. “I’ll do the IV, but it needs to be synchronised.”

“Whatever you need,” Victoria volunteered, walking over, giving Aaron a small smile before taking Morgan’s place at the computer. Morgan went over to Aaron, reaching in the small wooden cupboard that was sat beside Robert’s lifeless frame, pulling out separate syringe. He watched her sterilise it rudimentarily before she was running an antibacterial wipe over his right forearm, injecting him with something, and explaining something to Victoria. The last thing he noticed was the IV fluids connecting him to Robert.

—

Aaron woke up in a void.

He walked over to what appeared to be a desk with a control panel. He touched his hand to the screen and watched it brightly come to life, the words “Robert Sugden- A1948EG” in a bright white typeface at the bottom of the screen. Aaron saw flashes of memories to choose from, and couldn’t help himself from smiling fondly to see himself present so vividly- both of their weddings, their first kiss, robert sliding the ring on his finger in a hospital bed. Then Sarah- her holding him up in the air. Sarah holding all three kids in her lap. Sarah making tea and biscuits.

“Where are ya,” Aaron felt overwhelmed and then picked the one Robert had mentioned, Sarah and Robert ice skating, from the look of it, and saw the room quickly change into a festive winter scene, an ice rink in walking distance away. He began to call Robert’s name.

—

It all started to go wrong like this.

Robert was picking a new memory, Sarah smiling fondly next to him as he debated between an old Christmas with all the Sugdens and a newer Christmas with Aaron when, before he could decide, the screen disappeared and all Robert saw was greenery.

“What-“ Robert began to walk, Sarah closely behind him, to try to find out where they were. “I didn’t pick this one,” he said frowning, “Does that happen?”

“It’s probably just a glitch, love,” and Robert noticed the way the word didn’t seem to fit when said by her. Glitch. A universe where his mum grew old, lived long enough for words like that to become part of her vocabulary. “Shall we go and find out what this is?”

“I didn’t pay this much money for a memory I don’t know about,” Robert said, a flash of irritation present in his voice. Then, off Sarah’s slightly hurt expression, “I mean- I’m sorry, mum, I didn’t-“

Sarah smiled back at him. “Always quick to get upset, you. Should we just have a look? I can figure out a way to get us back afterwards and reset the system so you aren’t charged.”

“Right, okay,” Robert said, and began to walk. After about five minutes, they reached the undeniable sight of Robert’s car, the lodge, and-

“Oh, no,” Robert said, realisation dawning on him. “No, I know what this is, I don’t-“

“That’s murder.”

“Don’t call it that.”

“Are you feeling stressed out, Robert?” Sarah said, fixing him with a look of concern. “We have to go inside, you know how this works.”

“This isn’t what I want to see,” Robert felt panic rise up in his voice. “Mum, you have to-“

“I’m not going to be able to get us out until it resets after the memory is over, Robert, you know that,” she said again, gently, far too gently. “And we have to go inside.”

Robert numbly felt himself walk into the front door, into the room. He gripped Sarah’s hand.

A glass shattered, and Robert saw himself unravel two bathrobes and use the ties to tie Aaron’s legs and hands, a gag around his mouth.

“Robert,” Sarah whispered in shock, as they continued to watch it unfold.

“It wasn’t-“ and then he stopped, wanting it to end, knowing he was powerless against it. “I’m so sorry, mum, I never wanted you to have to see-” Him driving away. Him coming back. Pointing a gun. “I meant it, I love you.” Paddy shot. Aaron’s face. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron-

The white room came back, and Robert got up from where he had been crouched down, hands over his eyes, knees attempting to block out his ears.

“I need to go home,” he said, standing up. “I need Aaron. I need to see Aaron. I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared and I need to see Aaron-“

“One second,” Sarah was fiddling with the control panel. “There seems to be some sort of issue, love, just one second-“

“Issue,” he repeated, “what sort of issue,”

“It’s not letting me choose the memories, anymore,” she said, reluctantly turning towards him. “It’s shuffled them.”

“Well, I don’t- I don’t care about that, I just want to leave, who cares if they’re shuffled,” he said.

“It’s not letting us exit out,” Sarah said. “I don’t know- love, I’m so sorry, I think it’s timelocked, too many others are in the queue, we can’t get everyone offline at once because there needs to be someone on the outside to turn off the programme-“

“Right, but-“ he looked at her desperately. “Mum, you’ve gotta fix this,”

“It’s autoplaying,” she said with horror. “I’m sorry-“

His father. A farmhand, a desperate kiss. Violence.

Katie. Through the floorboards.

Aaron. Lying in a hospital bed with wounds in his arm. The nurse saying septicaemia.

Aaron drowning.

Kissing Rebecca.

Six weeks in Mauritius, guilt consuming his every being.

Aaron smashing the photo.

—

Aaron felt himself slide down sitting on the floor into the void near the control panel. He fought the urge to cry. He hadn’t spoken to another human being in what had felt like a week. He knew what solitary confinement looked like, knew it was always the easiest way to break someone down. Deprive someone of human contact long enough they’ll agree to anything, say anything to make it stop. But the raw all encompassing grief that fulfilled every millimetre of his body, the gnawing sensation that this was all wrong, the feeling of illness that was spreading through him- Aaron could identify that as nothing other than the complete and utter separation from his husband.

He’d tried everything, feeling horrific guilt at seeing something so personal of his husband’s, something not purposefully shared with him because of trust or desire but because of necessity, because of dark things like ‘kidnapping’ and ‘trauma.’

He’d tried everything, every positive memory he could see featuring Sarah. Ice skating, a day at the park, a trip to Leeds to see a film. Then a few of him and Liv- both of their weddings, both proposals.

“Robert,” he finally said, not knowing what he was saying or why he was. “I love ya. Please- please don’t leave me alone.” He twisted his wedding ring and tears came to his eyes, not sure of how he was going to take another week, month, year of memories to try to find Robert, but knowing that he would still do it, that he had nothing left, nothing without Robert, and then-

He got an idea.

—

“I thought it was only girls that cut themselves-“ “Mum,” Robert looked desperately towards Sarah, “Mum you- you don’t need to see this.” They were standing in the scrapyard, staring at Robert’s younger self spew hatred towards the love of his life.

How it was worse than Katie dying, how it felt worse, Robert wasn’t sure.

“I’m not here to judge you,” Sarah said, face placid. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Maybe the next one will be better.” Robert fiddled with his wedding ring. “I hurt him.” “I know.” “I try not to think about things like that.” “You can’t control that here, love.” “I need to see him,” Robert said. “I need to-“ “You can’t interfere with the memory, Robert,” Sarah said for what must have been the thousandth time during the past few days, hitting a fever pitch when Robert had to watch Aaron taking off his ring and handing it to him, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. “I don’t care, I don’t care, I can’t-“ and he was going over to them now, the versions of himself and Aaron, Aaron pushing him up against a car, telling him that he would never speak to him like that again. “Aaron,” Robert said, his dream counterpart leaving him alone in tears. “Aaron, please, I love you, I’m so sorry, I love you, please,” but Aaron moved, the Aaron of his memory, a broken man who was strong enough to still not have Robert’s words break him- “It’s going to cut off, you can’t see this, you don’t remember this, this isn’t your memory-“ Robert ignored Sarah’s words and threw his arms around the Aaron of his memory, triggering nothing but static-y shock and then Aaron was gone, and Robert was in his bedroom, but- “Robert,” a voice behind him. Aaron’s voice. His Aaron. “Aaron?” He said tentatively, staring at the man who had appeared aside from Sarah. “You can-“ he noticed the wedding ring, the clothes, the shirt that Aaron had been wearing that day, when they’d had a fight. Then before he could observe anything else Aaron’s entire body was on his, hugging the life out of him. “I’m so sorry,” Robert said, all of his words plying on a loop in his head from the fight, their fight, and then the ones from the scrapyard, still echoing from a few moments before. “I’m so sorry.” He clung onto the back of Aaron’s hoodie then, hooking his fingers underneath the hem to ground himself.

“Hey,” Aaron said, soft as ever. “Hey, you don’t have anythin’ to be sorry for. That’s why I’m here. But Rob, we-“ he reluctantly unhooked himself from the hug and kept holding onto the sides of Robert’s face, hoping that somehow it would anchor him, that they wouldn’t be stripped apart if he just held on- “I need to tell you something,” he looked to Sarah then, who had been standing with a look of growing horror on her face. “About her.”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” she said, crossing to him quickly. “How are you here?”

“Oh, see, ya messed that up, if ya want to play the role of the doting mother ya might want to actually, yknow, seem happy to meet your son-in-law,” Aaron said with venom in his voice.

“Aaron, love, this is dangerous,” Sarah said, taking a step. “I’m sorry. I’ve seen so much of you today it’s hard to remember I don’t actually know you. See, there’s been a problem, with a glitch in the system, and now that you’re here, I’m worried that’s evidence of another glitch-“

“She’s not your mum, Rob,” he said. “She’s Morgan. Doctor Morgan Rodgers. She’s the woman who put you under, but like- a cookie version, or whatever, that she has take you through all these memories, it’s her- it’s her consciousness, right, and she can look like your mum but she’s not your mum-“

“No,” Robert said, moving back so Aaron’s hands fell from his face. “No, Aaron, you don’t-“ he took a breath. “I know what you’re thinking, okay, and I know it isn’t her. It’s my memories of her, of the last time I saw her, and made through the computer programme to simulate how she would act and talk around me.  And the- they told me that the emotions she had for me, the things she felt, would show up, so it was like it was her, the closest it could get, it’s not actually her, no, but it has all of her memories, and it’s-“

“How could they do that?” Aaron walked back closer to him, trying to not be wounded as Robert seemed to look wary about being touched by him. “Rob, think about it, just for a second, yeah? How could they only show you memories in the past but alter this one thing, this only person? Why not your dad? Or Katie? Or-“

“Aaron,” Sarah said sternly. “You can see you’re upsetting him, and this isn’t the time. We’re both frightened by what’s happened, the best way for us to move forward is to keep trying-“

“She’s a bot, Rob, her entire purpose is to keep ya here, forever if she can, because people like you and hundreds of others they’ve done this to fund this entire goddamn thing, they get access to everything, they distract ya, you willingly hand it over and if ya don’t you’re just-“ he met Robert with a pained expression. “That’s all she is. She’s programmed. The real her gave her one purpose and that’s all she is, and she’s stuck here forever if she doesn’t fulfil it.”

“No,” Robert said. “Aaron, no, you don’t understand, it’s been months, I would’ve realised-“

“No ya wouldn’t have, not after what they’ve done!” He felt tears come into his eyes and he made a desperate grab for the lapels of Robert’s shirt. “Robert please-“

“Keep your hands off him,” Sarah said in a warning tone, advancing on them.

“I swore on my life that I would protect you,” Aaron said, moving his hands down to cup Robert’s. “I swore I wouldn’t leave ya. I swore I would never lie to ya. And I am telling you that this is the truth.”

Robert felt it before he could react. Firstly, within himself, the other shoe, looking in Aaron’s eyes and understanding. And then, back towards Sarah, a coldness overtaking the calm and pleasant demeanour that had always emanated from her.

“Love,” she said softly.

“Don’t-“ he moved back a pace. “Don’t come near me.” She continued advancing upon him. “Did they programme you for human decency?”

“I’m a real person,” Morgan said hotly, because suddenly she was back to being Morgan, the doctor from before. “I’m not a programme.”

“I spent months with you,” Robert said, and Aaron gripped his hand tightly. “I spent months feeling like I had my mum back, like I could say everything like I could show you Aaron, I shared Aaron with you, I shared everything!”

“This is very touching,” Morgan said. “Congratulations are in order, I suppose, for being the first to break in here, I’m sure you both will enjoy being stuck for eternity. Who knows when the programme will be switched off.”

“What do you mean by that?” Aaron asked, trying to calm Robert through rubbing circles on his hand with his thumb.

“I mean, I don’t know,” Morgan said. “Despite what you may think, I didn’t relish taking you through your worst memories. There’s something wrong, I can’t get us out. Someone out there will have to turn it off.”

“Well- Aaron looked to Robert, who met his eyes with a look of crushing defeat. “Well that-that’s fine, because they’re working on it, they’ve got to be close now, when I came in here they’d gotten you- I mean, you know, the real you- to try to- rewire the whole thing, and get him back, so-“

“And how long have you been here? Like, seriously Aaron, how long has it felt like? A day? A week?”

“A week, I- I guess, and I know they messed with the time- ways- so it’s less time out there-“

“You’ve been in here for maybe three minutes,” Morgan said. “He’s only been in here for a few hours.” She looked at Robert. “I don’t know why you’re looking surprised, you knew this. And you didn’t choose to leave when you could have left.”

“You think that’s his fault?” Aaron took a step towards her. “You pretended to be his mum! You used everythin’ you could to keep him here!”

“That’s what they told me to do, that’s all I can do, don’t you get it?” Morgan said, tears springing to her eyes, shocking Aaron and Robert. “I have all my thoughts and memories, but I’m a chip. My job is to take you through. I don’t get anything apart from this. I had my own life and now I have to do this and I’ve had to be alive for thousands of years doing this. I fought them, at first,” she said. Taking a deep breath. “Said I wouldn’t do it. Said I didn’t want to trap people. They left me in this room,” she finally waved her hand to allow them to stand in the white void again- “and let me experience a year’s worth of nothing. I’d have agreed to anything. I’m sorry,” she turned towards Robert. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

“So what-“ and Robert finally spoke. “What do we do now?”

“Wait for them to switch it off,” Morgan said. “It’s all we can do.”

“Can you control the memories?” Robert said.

Morgan nodded. “Once I realised that the option to go back had disappeared I thought- I don’t know, trying to bring you to traumatic memories would jolt something in you- real you’s body, to wake you up. It just didn’t work.”

Robert looked at Aaron, giving him a small shake of the head. It was one of those things that they had built up over years of being together, the ability to read each other. Robert could tell Aaron’s anger was building like a tidal wave, an urge to protect him.

“Can you-“ Robert sighed, trying to think. “Can you send us somewhere nice? Alone? While we wait?”

As a surprise to both of them, there was no argument. No reasons why no technological malfunction explained, nothing to say. “Where to?”

—

They sat side by side on the boardwalk in Brighton, a tacky souvenir stand to their left and a man announcing a prize game on their right. They’d been there an hour, as their counterparts stood at the edge, Robert’s arm slung over Aaron’s shoulder haphazardly. It was only from six months earlier- a mate of Aaron’s getting married so othey’d taken the weekend and rented a house on a street filled with pastel-coloured houses- 3 stories, 4 bedrooms with a pride flag hanging in the back garden to greet them. Aaron remembered them dropping off their suits and bags at the house, preparing for an afternoon of sex before realising that the owners weren’t planning on leaving until the early afternoon. So they’d gone to the boardwalk, Robert only making a few comments about it being touristy before letting himself get fully immersed in the experience. They still had the photo booth photos on the mirror in their bathroom from it, them making stupid faces and Robert kissing Aaron’s cheek.

“We should go back here,” Robert said, staring over at the waves below him. “When we’re out again. I’d like to go back here.”

“Robert I’m so sorry,” Aaron said. “Look at me.” And Robert did, because they did this now, they had the difficult conversations that required eye contact and Feelings. “I should never have said that about your mum or let you come do this on your own.”

“Hey,” Robert said, in his softest voice. He leaned forward and kissed Aaron lightly. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I wish I hadn’t seen so many of your memories,” Aaron added, saying the thing that he had been dying to say since he’d first seen Robert again. “That’s not- that’s not fair on ya.”

“Aaron,” Robert started, trying to choose his words carefully. “I don’t care about that. There’s nothing I want to keep from ya.”

“You shouldn’t have had to- keep all that buried,” Aaron finally said quietly, staring at his feet. “Ya must’ve been lonely. All this time.”

“It wasn’t all bad. I got to see her again. Got to remember some nice things. You and me.” Robert laughed. “It’s funny, I paid thousands of pounds to see our wedding- to show her our wedding- because I wanted to see ya. I could’ve just left and seen ya. Might’ve been able to breathe if I’d done that.”

“Robert, you didn’t know,” Aaron said gently. “She lied to ya.”

“I should’ve been able to tell,” Robert said, voice getting choked up in the way that Aaron hated, that made him want to burn and destroy things until whatever was hurting his husband went away. “I should have seen it- and if I’m-“ he took a breath. “If I’m not able to see what’s her and what isn’t, I’m gonna forget her,” Robert finished.

Aaron leaned over and framed Robert’s face. “Hey, that’s not- that’s not what that means, Rob. You’re not ever gonna forget her. You got to- you got to see her again, here. You got to see her hold your hand and take ya to- to ice skate and see her birthday again,” he let his hands drop. “If anythin’ good came out of this, this bullshit she put ya through- you got to remember more than you ever would have. And hey, I’m with ya now. You’re not alone with these memories anymore. You’re not alone.”

“Even if we’re stuck here for a thousand years?” Robert said. “Still worth it?”

“A thousand years with you, I think that’d be alright,” Aaron said with a small smile. “C’mon, the wedding’s gonna start soon,” he added, gesturing towards their counterparts, who were heading home to change- only having sex once, in a mark of true restraint.

—

“I remember this song,” Robert said, gesturing to the DJ. A few hours had gone by, and Robert and Aaron- the ones from the memory, were slow dancing- drunk off champagne and each other, laughing and swaying from side-to-side. “Wanna dance?”

Aaron smiled and stood up. “Not as fancy as we were then,” he said, gesturing to his grey Henley. He looked serious for a moment. “Always.”

‘And nothing matters when we’re dancing..’

Aaron clutched at the back of Robert’s shoulders and felt Robert’s hands descend to his waist.

‘In tat or tatters you’re entrancing..’

Robert buried his head in Aaron’s neck, taking him in.

‘Be we in Paris or in Lansing-‘

Robert started to feel a jolt and felt himself fall backwards. An earthquake. Something wrong. Something very wrong.

Nothing matters when we’re-‘

The music went away. For a minute, pure white. And then before they could think of anything else they were hit with nothing but the sensation of being awake and alive and fell into each other’s arms.

—

(It was Victoria, in the end who had cracked. Apparently only after 2 minutes. A baseball bat to every single monitor. Completely calling Morgan’s bluff that this would strand Robert and Aaron for eternity.)

“I couldn’t just watch ya go under to save him and not do anything,” she had said to Aaron, while he fielded questions from the police, over Rob’s shoulder as she’d refused to stop hugging him for even a minute. “Particularly when she told us more about how it all worked. I had to save my brother. And knowing you two you’d just stay there forever staring into each other’s eyes or summat.”)

(It was Belle who fought at the inquiry, who spoke passionately about things that the rest of them were, as Cain said, ‘too stupid or old’ to understand. It was Belle who highlighted the other victims and called into question privatisation of Memory-based Technology.)

(It was Cain and Moira who hired the lawyers, prepared statements, dealt with the police and fed the entire family of misfits situated at Mill Cottage for weeks after.)

(It was Aaron who took care of Robert.)

(It was Robert who took care of Aaron.)

—

Robert woke up to turning 34 with a smile on his face.

It wasn’t just the sex, though that played a part. It wasn’t the breakfast in bed that Aaron served him after, or the walk they went on by the bridge. It wasn’t even the hours they spent just talking, truly talking, about how they were feeling, the way they had to check in these days.

It was the fact that when Robert said “I want to see her,” Aaron immediately grabbed his keys.

It was walking by her gravestone and laying a rose, hand held tightly in his husband’s hand.

It was lying in bed hours after, staring into Aaron’s eyes and watching shitty Netflix until the clock marked his birthday officially over.

“You know, you saved me,” Robert said. They hadn’t talked about it in ages, not feeling like they could- any reflection on the months spent under seemed too unreal, too disjointed and was typically a good way to ensure one of them spent hours sobbing. Usually Robert, Aaron stroking his back as he convulsed over their toilet.

“Hey,” Aaron replied, tightening himself closer around Robert, knowing that that was the way he liked to be spooned, really- the way that he felt like he could nearly crawl into Aarno’s skin. “We’ve talked about this. You saved ya. I had nothin’ to do with it.”

“You walked through memories for me,” Robert said, feeling overwhelmed. “Sometimes you just- ya love me so much, and I don’t understand how. But then I think about what I feel for ya, and I sort of get it.”

Aaron smiled at him warmly. “I guess it’s just- how it is, for us.”

“Weird,” Robert countered.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “But I’d crawl through a thousand memories to drag you back to where you could be in my arms, so.”

Robert felt something draw over him, something that felt like it could slot into place the way it hadn’t ever before. “A thousand lifetimes,” he said.

They both ignored the enormity of it, feeling comfortable in everything that had been said, and drifted off.

[stopthrowingthingsatmysoul]

How Could You Name Her Sarah?

Since my last post, I have become an aunt! In fact a year from my last update to the day, I was with my mother at my sister’s house, sitting with the baby in the middle of the night while his parents went to the Emergency Room for a bad cold my sister had. He’ll be a year old in January, and he is the apple of all of our eyes. When he comes to visit more than once I have come downstairs to see my nephew and discovered that my father has absconded with him to another room so he can have the baby all to himself to cuddle.

He’s the first child born in our family since I myself was born, and the first boy since my cousin on my father’s side was born in 1969. My sister is not a traditionalist, but she respected that the practice of naming children after their deceased loved ones is next to sacred among Jews, and the baby has been duly named in honor of our father’s late mother. I’ve seen grandparents broken-hearted when their children refuse to pass on names; they treat it as losing their dead a second time. My sister has done duty by our grandmother, and now one of us is honor-bound to name a son Solomon (or a feminine version of it), since we promised our still-living grandmother to pass on her father’s name. It’s a good thing she told us well before either of us decided to have children, because it took a bit to get used to that name in modern America. Then we started fighting over who got to use it. Funnily enough, if I had been born a boy I would have been called Mark Solomon after my mother’s grandfathers (Mark being in honor of Mottel, my mother’s father’s father.) That there is one of the many reasons I’m glad to have been born a girl, because I can’t imagine a life where I would enjoy being called Mark. (I wonder if I’d be going by my middle name now?)

There’s a Jewish tradition of allowing the father to name the first child, and so Papa named my sister after his own late father. I was born three years later, and since my grandmother’s mother had passed away between the two births, I was named after her.

When thinking over names for this blog, one of my favorite options was “How Could You Name Her Sarah?” for the curious scandal that my name caused among the American-Russian community back in 1988. 

My great-grandmother was born Sarah Leah in 1901 in Byelorussia. At some point, most likely after the Revolution, she began to instead go by the name “Sofya” in her legal documents and “Sofa” (SOH-fah) in regular life. After World War II, "Sarah”, as a name, not only fell out of vogue but into ignominy. In Russia, if you wanted to make an anti-Semitic joke, it was about a man named Abraham and/or a woman named Sarah. (Someone must have been skimming the Old Testament when they decided who was going to stand for The Hated Jew). Now no one would think of bestowing either of those names on a helpless child, especially not on the official record.

When Mama realized she was pregnant with me, and after overhearing an ultrasound tech say to her OBGYN that they were seeing “an x” (as in the chromosome) on her scans, Mama relished the fact that she had a chance to whip out that name for her second-born. (Papa was just relieved I wasn’t twins and then also somewhat pleased that he wouldn’t have to buy new boy clothes since I could wear hand-me-downs.) I was “Sarah Leah” long before I made my appearance in the world in late November of ‘88. I was addressed as such by my mother and grandmother when they were getting exasperated by my being so late past my due date (13 days late, born on the day they were planning to induce. Mama always says this was the start of my life-long procrastination problems. I contend that I do things at the last minute, but I do them well.) “Nu, Sarah Leah, when are we going to see you?”

(I was well in my twenties when I found out that in America "Leah” is pronounced “Lee-Uh” and not “Lay-Uh”, which is the Hebrew pronunciation. And yes, since Sarah means “Princess”, my name is literally “Princess Leia”. No, my parents had no clue about Star Wars. It wouldn’t have stopped them naming me that, but it is a hilarious coincidence.)

The announcement of my birth name was like a bomb thrown in the middle of the Russian Park. It was bad enough that Mama was out of the hospital and in the park on a Monday with the baby after having given birth on Saturday. (Back in Russia she would have spent at least a week in the hospital, complications or not.) But that name! To name me such a name was unthinkable. They may as well have called me Kykie and gotten it over with. Many people actually said, “what kind of a name for a child is Sarah?!!!” (To be fair to them they did not have access to the Torah growing up and did not know the name’s origin. That I was named the same as two of the Four Mothers went over a lot of heads.) It was not a name for decent people. It had in fact fallen so far into disfavor that a friend asked my mother what my Hebrew name was before pausing and saying, “Oh.” My great aunt refused to call me Sarah and instead attempted to call me “Leahotchka” for some time before giving up. Her own mother had been named Sarah.

If she has ever tried to fight it, Mama has lost the battle to keep a spark of fiendish glee out of her eyes when talking about the scandal of my name. She had been part of the Jewish Underground back in the Soviet Union, and this was one of her most definitive moments as a Fighting Jew. She had named her child after her grandmother, as she had every right to, as she was expected to, and she liked that name. She also liked that it was flipping a bird at the Soviet Union. It was a good Jewish name, and everyone else would have to learn to deal with it. And eventually they did! 20 years after my birth, I would hear the same grandmothers who had despaired at my name now say, “Oh look, it’s Sarotchka!” as if it was the most natural thing in the world. 

The only thing even close to regret that  my mother ever had over naming me Sarah was finding out that in 1988, “Sarah” was the fourth most popular name for girls in the United States. It wasn’t very unique. But in our little part of the world, it was a revolution.

[jaigames]

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain Review

(Submitted 17th October 2017)

Metal Gear Solid V, Hideo Kojima’s final game for the long time crashing video game company Konami. What could have been the greatest Metal Gear Solid game ever made, a shining finale to one of the longest running video game series starting in 1987 with Metal Gear. Unfortunately, what would have been a masterpiece was let down by poor management, greedy CEOs and a desperate attempt to make sequels.

Metal Gear Solid V is a third person stealth game where you play as the legendary mercenary, Big Boss (also known as Venom Snake). The game begins with him waking up in a Cypriot hospital nine years after the destruction of his mother base, he is told that there are many people out to kill him so they must give him plastic surgery to hide his identity. Before that however the hospital is attacked by armed soldiers, having escaped he is greeted by Revolver Ocelot who informs Big Boss of who he is and what happened nine years ago. From here the game consists of rebuilding his base, tracking down those who betrayed him and putting a stop to their world domination.

Like other Metal Gear games, the story delves into the subject of private forces and their impact upon larger political powers using experimental weaponry or unorthodox tactics, one of which is as always, a staple of the Metal Gear franchise being a Metal Gear (a bipedal armoured vehicle). The story uses the implications of touchy subjects being torture, arms race, nuclear arms race, arms intimidation, bio warfare and child soldiers and wraps them into one coherent storyline. These subjects serve as the middle man in the timeline fixing the two stories of MGS3 and MGS1 together, or at least it would have had the game been finished.

Main Gameplay

The main objective of the game, like most other Metal Gear Solid games, is to sneak through levels and complete specific objectives.

There are two kinds of missions to do in three different areas, those being the main story missions and the side missions. The three areas are Afghanistan, Africa and Mother Base, all of which are large open world areas, Afghanistan and Africa having multiple large points of interest which the main story will take you to. Side missions are much smaller missions consisting of one objective being eliminate a threat, capture a target or steal resources.

With each time Big Boss is deployed in the world the player is given a loadout menu to choose what items and companions they wish to take with them. The edition of this is great because it allows the player options to complete the missions in whatever style they would most enjoy. This is what I think the game excels at, given the large open spaces around the mission areas the player can observe their path before taking it. This along with the large number of weapons and items that can be unlocked, there are plenty of options to take.

In most other stealth games, getting spotted by an enemy is the end of your stealth approach meaning it would be time to load a previous save if you want that perfect stealth achievement when you finish the game. For Metal Gear Solid V there is no achievement, plus upon being seen of course the iconic alert sound will play, but it will trigger a bullet time giving the player time to react by tranquilising or killing the enemy.

A mechanic unique to this Metal Gear Solid game that compliments the quirky nature of the series is the fulton recovery system, by interacting with either soldiers, wild animals, vehicles, containers or mounted weapons the player can extract items from the ground to build up their base or to be deployed on missions later. This adds an extra element to consider when planning assault on strongholds, scanning soldiers and judging their stats to determine whether they are wanted for mother base.

Due to Big Boss being a living legend amongst mercenaries, soldiers from other private forces will jump at the chance to join his ranks. No mini game required, just extract a soldier from the battlefield using the fulton and the soldier is automatically added to the list of soldiers at mother base. These soldier’s combined level in different fields have the effect of making their respective team level raise giving perks to the player. The biggest being the research and development team allowing the player to purchase new weapons and items to use on the battlefield. At times collecting the best soldiers does get tedious, but not enough that it completely disrupts the flow of the game.

Cutscenes

The Metal Gear series is known for having very long and cinematic cutscenes that set them apart from other games. Although in Metal Gear Solid 5 the cutscenes in no way reach the length of previous games in the series, but they are nothing less than stunning every time. Every shot is framed well and every character moves fluently. With each introduction of a piece of high tech gear, the game will give a dynamic view of the focus point along with a digital glint on screen giving the viewer a moment to take in the details and marvel at the design.

The cutscenes were far less interactive in this game too, previously you’d be able to interact with the surroundings while the extended cutscenes played out. While it does seem like a piece of the Metal Gear heritage was taken out, it did encourage to pay attention to the subject at hand which of course was more than enough to keep me interested. Instead of the long drawn out explanations in cutscenes, they are instead moved to the cassette tapes that came be listened to in game. Personally, I much preferred this much more as the time it took to drive between side missions was easily filled in listening to story that Big Boss wasn’t present to hearing.

Issues

Being a recent Konami game, the game has plenty of issues, some of these points are quite minor while others have had serious repercussions with the game.

Of course, the recent plague with AAA games has been the introduction of microtransactions into full price releases and Metal Gear Solid V is no exception to this. The base building mechanic has an online feature to attack and be attacked from other private forces, those being other players. In theory, this seems like it would be a great idea as a side mini game, but building up your base takes time and resources. Resources you can send out your soldiers on missions to collect, but these missions can take up to two real time weeks, but microtransactions are there to finish the missions instantly. These arbitrary wait times serve no other purpose than to encourage the player to give out more money. By participating in this mode, you are consenting to take part in the online base defence feature, where the player can attack other player’s bases and while simultaneously protecting their own. Unless the player’s base has maxed out statistics, they won’t stand a chance online. This is where base insurance comes in, players can purchase it with real money to insure they keep their resources after being attacked.

This online feature has little to no effect on the main game, the resources gained are tiny in comparison to the resources gained by playing the main game. Building up the base to the maximum size can raise the level of the teams of soldiers, but these can still all be done simply in the main game. All that this feature really amounts to is climbing up a leaderboard that unless those payments are made, there is no hope of ever reaching the top, it is just a leaderboard of who spent the most money. Another issue with this online feature is that the servers are very slow, this is obvious when trying to navigate the menus in game, especially for the research and development menu. When navigating the menus time does not stop and the player cannot exit while a menu is loading, this can take anywhere between 5 to 60 seconds. Personally, this has caused me to die multiple times when trying to request a supply drop in the heat of battle. This has been made worst by the PC port of the game not allowing the player to interact with the menu via mouse and instead must use the keyboard, while this isn’t too significant, it is worth mentioning that it does take some getting used to.

One of the more daunting issues have been the limitations placed on the game due to Konami pushing for console accessibility. While in theory this sounds good that the game could be played on the PS3 and Xbox 360, this also meant that the game was heavily dumbed down. This meant that significantly less polygons could be rendered on screen at any given time meaning a lot of these big open areas became empty and baron except for a couple patrol vehicles and enemy checkpoints dotted around. This was most apparent in missions that took you to vast important enemy strongholds such as military storages, airports or prisons; these places could only render up to 10 soldiers on screen at once. They lacked the feeling of being these grand high security landmarks that would only be looked at and avoided on the map for fear of alerting huge armies of soldiers that didn’t exist.

The largest flaw of Metal Gear Solid V anyone can tell you is the ending, or lack thereof one. Instead of this game being the final chapter of a legendary game series, one that has evolved alongside modern gaming, it was poorly let down by Konami. After completely two thirds of the game and beating the only thing that really qualified as a boss fight, it felt as though the game was ready to start tying up all the side plots and the main storyline. However, this for me is where the game started to stagnate, a lot of the main missions began to become filler in the form of challenge modes of previous missions with the occasional new piece of story thrown in. The ending of the game is completely missing, what could have been a grand finale that would pit the army that the player had built against Big Boss’s final enemy. All of this was cut from the game by Konami to make another sequel from what would of be a great ending. Fortunately, there are videos online of the unfinished cutscenes and storyboards, that were taken from the ending. These can give a somewhat satisfying conclusion to the series, but it remains a let-down of what could have been.

Conclusion

In conclusion Metal Gear Solid V is in no way the worst of the series, but it is a shame that it had the potential to have been the best. From what it lacked in holding the heritage of the game, it made up for with improvements. It, started to feel like it was its own game separating itself far from the usual Metal Gear Solid formula for keeping the main core focus of the gameplay and story purpose. My advice for anyone looking to play Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain would be, enjoy the game from the first two thirds, but prepared to be let down by the last third. I could rate this game a solid 10/10 were it finished, but due to its many flaws I rate it 7/10.

[quotespicture]

https://quoteswithpicture.com/find-your-calling-5-steps-to-discover-the-real-you/

Find Your Calling: 5 Steps To Discover The Real You

Find your calling, discover your life’s purpose; this idea of a “true calling” and the desire to find it seems like it’s becoming more and more prevalent.

As personal development becomes more popular, the idea of maintaining the status quo continues to lose support. This coincides with the growing number of people who are burnt out and in want of a life that feels better, inspires growth, and has a positive impact on the world.

To help you create a meaningful life, below you’ll find some simple ideas on how to find your calling.

Steps to Find Your Calling

Many of us get caught in believing that our true calling is going to lead to widespread recognition and a sizeable fortune. Although this may be true for a few of us it certainly isn’t guaranteed or required.

Some may be called to be the best sous chef in their town, others may find that organic gardening or working with kids is where they belong. All of these are equally as legitimate and valuable to the communities they serve – arguably even more so – than the work of a movie star or pop singer.

Keep this in mind as to not fool yourself into thinking that recognition and fame are needed for you to have found your calling. If those things show up as a side benefit then great, enjoy them and use them to the best of your ability to keep moving forward and increasing your impact. Just don’t mistake the outward image of success for having successfully found your calling.

The Japanese have a term for finding your true calling called Ikigai and derive it from the intersection of that which you love, that which you are good at, that which the world needs, and that which you can be paid for.

Finding this Ikigai is of great benefit to both the individual and the world at large. Just imagine what the world would look like if the majority of us were living at this intersection of passion, profession, vocation, and mission.

What would we value? How would we spend our time and energy? How would we deal with issues of poverty and pollution? I believe we would find creative, collaborative solutions because that is what the world needs, and it is what we’d want to contribute.

As intelligent and complex beings we have many needs and desires that drive our behavior. One of the strongest of these that often gets ignored is the desire for deep fulfillment. To know that what we’re doing matters and has a positive impact.

The experiences that can arise after determining what it is you were born to do can bring intense clarity, peace and a calm excitement that propels you forward.

The challenge today is that most of us haven’t had the chance to truly hear, let alone listen and respond to our true calling because our lives often don’t provide the context for that to happen. Our education systems largely exist to develop a workforce who will produce, sell and consume goods in order to fuel economic growth and expansion.

We are often fed uninteresting facts and expected to learn and behave in a standardized fashion – sit, read, be quiet, pay attention etc. – this can lead to us becoming stifled, overly self-conscious, and disconnected from our hearts’ desires. We focus on what we should do, rather than on discovering what we were born to do.

Fortunately, there are steps that anyone can take to help them find their true calling, here are a 5 that have worked for me.

Here are the 5 steps that can help you find your calling:

1.) Look Within

Start taking the time to look within yourself. Many of us are deathly afraid of spending time alone and without distraction. I believe this is because we often have an underlying feeling of fear that lingers beneath the surface of everyday life.

Deep down we know that if we shut out the world and look within we are bound to face our demons and confront the issues, traumas, and emotions we’ve kept locked up inside.

We lock away this pain as a means of survival when we lack proper tools and support, it’s adaptive and nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. However, there comes a time when one must journey within.

We then begin to wade through the mess of our internal world and hopefully, with enough time, perseverance, and self-love, emerge a stronger and more empowered version of ourselves.

A helpful attitude to cultivate when journeying inwards is that of playfulness. Be sure not to take this process too seriously, we’re only human, pain and ugliness are bound to come up and when we accept them –without judgement and self-loathing- we’re better able to learn from and take power over whatever it is that emerges.

There are many ways to do this inward discovery, I encourage you to play with the two below as a starting point.

2.) Start a Journal

An easy way to get started is to begin keeping a journal. Simply by placing thoughts to paper, we allow ourselves to process what has been backlogged, empty our minds, and bring clarity to how we’re experiencing life.

Don’t be worried about what you’re writing, simply write and let the words flow. If you get stuck, start to think about things that make you angry, or sad, or whatever emotion or experience is present in that moment.

You can try journaling when you wake up, before you go to bed, or whenever it makes sense and can be fit into your daily routines.

As you journal take the time to go back and read old entries, often times they can be very insightful for understanding our current circumstances and seeing how far we’ve come along our journey.

3.) Become the Observer

Another great way to look within is through the practice of mindfulness, meditation, and time spent alone in nature. In our modern, hyper-stimulated, non-stop world, quiet time and solitude are rare experiences that many of us are deficient in.

Making this kind of time a priority allows us to tune out the external distractions, cultivate awareness and witness how we’re feeling and thinking. It allows us to examine the choices we’re making each day. This awareness of choice is a seed that when nurtured and protected will help us in allowing our Ikigai to blossom.

When you begin to realize that you can shift your focus, you reclaim your power, you are free to imagine how things could be different. With this power, you are better equipped to find harmony within yourself and all of your relationships, both personal and professional.

Please note that I use “begin” when referring to realization because this is rarely a one-time event. True realization and the integration that follows can be a lengthy process.

The transitory nature of experience and our tendency to forget things, even things that at the time are so clear and paradigm shifting, sets us up to re-discover and re-learn the same lesson many times.

One way to help with remembering is to quickly write about or capture on audio or video the realization in the moment and then to read, watch or listen to it on a regular basis.

4.) Expand Your Knowledge Base

Read new books that you wouldn’t typically read. I’m assuming that if you’re reading this then you’re the type of person who still makes the times to read books, and for that, I salute you. Books give you a window into the world of someone else and are full of knowledge, wisdom and valuable insights.

If you’re more of an auditory learner, or constantly on the go, try listening to podcasts and audios from subjects that you’re curious to know more about.

Long form podcasts that allow for a wide range of topics to be discussed are my favorite. The Tim Ferriss Podcast, the Joe Rogan Experience and Tangentially Speaking are three worthwhile examples.

Podcasts have had an appreciable impact on the way I think about and live my life. These varied conversations have introduced me to concepts and possibilities that I never knew existed.

The power of Podcasting is that it allows you to spend time with people you would otherwise never be able to. The traditional alternative would be to read their books and blogs which although valuable are not as accessible to most of us as downloading an MP3 and listening as you go about your day.

To simply be present to the thoughts, stories, and insights of people who are more experienced in life is a true gift.

One other area worth looking at are the types of careers that other people have chosen and created for themselves to see what resonates with you. Try not to idealize those that stand out -to believe that life will be perfect if you could just be like that person- rather, accept that anything worth doing requires hard work and sacrifice. Your mission is to become the best version of yourself, not to try to be exactly like someone else.

5.) Don’t Rush

To Find your calling isn’t always straightforward, in fact, I would argue that for most of us it comes about through a seemingly “random” set of circumstances or challenges.

Many of us have come to know these “random” alignments of people, places, and events as synchronicities; and we believe that the more we live into our true calling, the more synchronistic life tends to be.

Some of us are lucky enough to have life-changing experiences that help reveal our true calling. Such was the case when my appendix ruptured at the age of 18, over the course of the following year of recovery it became crystal clear that I was no longer interested in Automotive Engineering Tech. – I had completed the first two years of the 4-year program with Honors – instead, it was holistic wellness and natural healing that I felt called to pursue.

I now have a large scar on my stomach that I carry with pride knowing that I faced my mortality and surrendered my will to something greater than myself. This is what has allowed me to become the person I am today and it’s a trend I see in many of us who appear to have found their true calling as evidenced by the kind of work they do and things they care about.

It has been both my toughest challenge and greatest blessing; could I have ever planned it that way? Not a chance.

Just remember to take your time, learn to discern what feels right in your heart, and don’t torture yourself when you feel like you’re failing…It is part of the process.

How will you find your calling?

In summary, I believe that we all have a purpose to discover, a calling to answer, an Ikigai to embrace, and it is the mysterious nature of how you find your calling that helps make life such a beautiful adventure.

Know that any journey worth taking is bound to have its fair share of peaks and valleys, the key is to keep moving forward, to trust that with perseverance, honesty, and contemplation you will end up walking the path that is yours and yours alone.

What steps have you taken to find your calling?  Do you have any other ideas on identifying your purpose? Feel free to share with us in the comment section below.

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/sports/when-rugby-goes-crowd-surfing/

When rugby goes crowd surfing

“What a virgin experience it’s been!” says the former Springboks hero.

Habana has spent his final day here racing kids, getting tackled and throwing a ball around as part of sevens series sponsor HSBC’s Try Rugby initiative.

Alongside the Hong Kong Rugby Union, the scheme is designed to get the game on more school curriculums here and encourage more children to play the game.

Over the last few years, Try Rugby has introduced some 20- to 30,000 kids to the sport, according to Habana.

READ: From Fiji to fancy dress, how rugby fell in love with the Hong Kong Sevens

READ: Lion bite rugby player pays tribute to surgeon who saved his hand

However, it is the ex-wing who has felt like a wide-eyed child for most of the weekend.

He goes on: “Coming into the city on Wednesday night there’s an immediate energy you feel, driving in from the airport.

“You watch this tournament on TV, growing up, and you saw the greats — the Jonah Lomus, the Christian Cullens, the Eric Rushes and Waisale Serevis — who became icons of this tournament.

“Hong Kong is the home of (modern) sevens rugby and to see the sport grow since the tournament has been on the go, to experience the atmosphere, that South Stand madness, has been special.

“To be with HSBC and guys like George Gregan and Brian O’Driscoll, who are legends in their own right, they also have some interesting stories to tell about Hong Kong!

“I haven’t quite surpassed Brian’s crowd surfing on his first tour here, but it’s been epic. The vibe, the energy and the passion of the crowd is something remarkable.”

The Bok great has been impressed by the athletes involved in the sporting spectacle — and it is an historic leg of the Sevens World Series, with Fiji men winning here for the fifth year in a row and Brazil women displaying true legacy by winning their qualifier event to be on the full-time circuit next season, almost four years after hosting the Olympic Games in Rio.

Ireland men also win their qualifier, an emotional moment for a national side that spent years in the sevens wilderness.

The action is often jaw-slackeningly frenetic. Habana never had the chance to play here, but there is a hint of jealousy.

Yet as the South African mentions the South Stand there, you may get a flash of recognition — isn’t that the crazy, packed-out stand, with everyone in costume? Is it noisy?

You don’t know the half of it.

‘Bucket list’

As he is asked whether he’s seen anything like this before, a smile darts across athletics icon Michael Johnson’s face.

“I follow the sevens and I’ve been to Dubai before, but no, this is my first time at the Hong Kong Sevens.”

The four-time Olympic gold medalist is in Hong Kong to work with the event’s official charity partner, Laureus, to help with their Sport for Good programs.

READ: Fiji beats France to win record fifth straight Hong Kong title

READ: From tattoos to hi-tech loos, your travel guide to the Rugby World Cup in Japan

But the charity’s box shares a corner with the South Stand. What Johnson does not mention is that just seconds before, there was pandemonium in there.

Set to the soundtrack of Bohemian Rhapsody, cup after cup of (presumably) beer is sent into the skies — voices rise even higher. “Nothing really matters” seems like an all-too-fitting lyric for the carefree crowd.

Every year the South Stands draws fans like a magnet. When Habana says visiting Hong Kong “has been pretty high on the bucket list for some time” he mentions the South Stand in the same breath (him, O’Driscoll and Gregan all downed pints on front of that raucous crowd, naturally).

By 9.30am on the Saturday of the sevens, the South Stand is full. No more room. But the queue to get in — should anyone wish to opt out of the party in there — has already formed.

At 10am, we talk with ‘Brad’, who won’t reveal his real name, but is identifiable by the Where’s Wally costume he has on. There are a few other Wallys peppered through the line.

It’s Brad’s first time. He is prepared to be at the back, just to say he’s been in there. He is optimistic the wait won’t be long. But some of his mates were preparing for this South Stand visit at 6.30am.

For the teams that get knocked out of the tournament, in either the main event or the qualifiers, the initial instinct for many is to head towards that stand. When Ireland win their qualifier, many zero in on the section as quickly as possible.

Second division?

The Little Magician, Serevi, is here, trying to coach the Russian men’s team back into the Sevens World Series. Arguably the greatest sevens player of all time, Serevi knows a thing or two about the game.

“I just want to thank Hong Kong rugby, because without the Hong Kong Sevens I believe Sevens couldn’t be in this place,” he tells the South China Morning Post.

“They are the ones that have driven it up from being the Hong Kong Sevens, then the Series, then we went to the IOC to bid for rugby, because it’s so interesting, and then now it is in the Olympics.”

He is right; Hong Kong often feels like the engine for sevens. Yet, if you are hunting a place at the top of the sport for a full season, as Serevi’s Russia hope to be, there is only one option.

Hong Kong hosts the only stand-alone qualifying event. You can plan a whole season around one event that decides your fate for the next term. Many want a second division of the Sevens World Series. Including World Rugby vice-chairman and chairman of sevens, Gus Pichot.

“The biggest objective for the next cycle is to have a second competition, and we are working very hard for that,” says Pichot on the second day of competition.

“Where it is going to be held is still under discussion and it is part of a broader discussion but we decided in the Executive Committee (ExCo) strategic plan that part of the resources, money, is there to cover the expansion of the circuit for a second tier.

“I don’t like to call it a second tier but it would be a different tournament that will provide access to other countries that don’t play regularly and they have a sevens program.”

As World Rugby prepare for key strategic meetings in Dublin, many hope that the lesser visited sevens nations get their shot as host.

Going green

In the Laureus box, Johnson smiles again when he says that clearly he would like the USA men to win this event.

After all, the Eagles have shaken up the established order this season, leading the table in a season where the top four automatically qualify for the 2020 Olympic Games in Tokyo.

As you can tell from the accounts of those above, new experiences have become a bit of a theme.

Fitting, then, that at this event we see innovative light-up rugby posts that turn green when a conversion, penalty kick or even drop-goal is successful.

The Hong Kong union want to go greener still, with revelers encouraged to purchase reusable pint mugs, rather than collecting and then chucking away plastic tumblers. They want to significantly reduce waste.

And yet, some things here never change. Newbies and first-time fans may not know exactly how it will feel, but they know they are in for a good time. And everyone knows that Fiji come to play.

In the final there are offloads over the head, yellow cards dished out and mighty runs from players like Aminiasi Tuimaba.

After their 21-7 over France, Fiji coach Gareth Baber dedicates the victory to the victims of the atrocities in New Zealand in March, in which 50 people perished and 50 more were injured. During the game the Flying Fijians are just as classy.

They are just seven points behind USA in the standings and with three legs left to play, the rest of the season should be just as energetic as a sing along to Queen.

[marcusssanderson]

Find Your Calling: 5 Steps To Discover The Real You

Find your calling, discover your life’s purpose; this idea of a “true calling” and the desire to find it seems like it’s becoming more and more prevalent.

  As personal development becomes more popular, the idea of maintaining the status quo continues to lose support. This coincides with the growing number of people who are burnt out and in want of a life that feels better, inspires growth, and has a positive impact on the world.

5 Steps to Find Your Calling

Many of us get caught in believing that our true calling is going to lead to widespread recognition and a sizeable fortune. Although this may be true for a few of us it certainly isn’t guaranteed or required.

  Some may be called to be the best sous chef in their town, others may find that organic gardening or working with kids is where they belong. All of these are equally as legitimate and valuable to the communities they serve – arguably even more so – than the work of a movie star or pop singer.

  Keep this in mind as to not fool yourself into thinking that recognition and fame are needed for you to have found your calling. If those things show up as a side benefit then great, enjoy them and use them to the best of your ability to keep moving forward and increasing your impact. Just don’t mistake the outward image of success for having successfully found your calling.

The Japanese have a term for finding your true calling called Ikigai and derive it from the intersection of that which you love, that which you are good at, that which the world needs, and that which you can be paid for.

  Finding this Ikigai is of great benefit to both the individual and the world at large. Just imagine what the world would look like if the majority of us were living at this intersection of passion, profession, vocation, and mission.

  What would we value? How would we spend our time and energy? How would we deal with issues of poverty and pollution? I believe we would find creative, collaborative solutions because that is what the world needs, and it is what we’d want to contribute.

As intelligent and complex beings we have many needs and desires that drive our behavior. One of the strongest of these that often gets ignored is the desire for deep fulfillment. To know that what we’re doing matters and has a positive impact.

  The experiences that can arise after determining what it is you were born to do can bring intense clarity, peace and a calm excitement that propels you forward.

  The challenge today is that most of us haven’t had the chance to truly hear, let alone listen and respond to our true calling because our lives often don’t provide the context for that to happen. Our education systems largely exist to develop a workforce who will produce, sell and consume goods in order to fuel economic growth and expansion.

  We are often fed uninteresting facts and expected to learn and behave in a standardized fashion – sit, read, be quiet, pay attention etc. – this can lead to us becoming stifled, overly self-conscious, and disconnected from our hearts’ desires. We focus on what we should do, rather than on discovering what we were born to do.

  Fortunately, there are steps that anyone can take to help them find their true calling, here are a 5 that have worked for me.

  5 Steps That Can Help You Find Your True Calling:

1.) Look Within

Start taking the time to look within yourself. Many of us are deathly afraid of spending time alone and without distraction. I believe this is because we often have an underlying feeling of fear that lingers beneath the surface of everyday life. Deep down we know that if we shut out the world and look within we are bound to face our demons and confront the issues, traumas, and emotions we’ve kept locked up inside.

  We lock away this pain as a means of survival when we lack proper tools and support, it’s adaptive and nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. However, there comes a time when one must journey within. We then begin to wade through the mess of our internal world and hopefully, with enough time, perseverance, and self-love, emerge a stronger and more empowered version of ourselves.

  A helpful attitude to cultivate when journeying inwards is that of playfulness. Be sure not to take this process too seriously, we’re only human, pain and ugliness are bound to come up and when we accept them –without judgement and self-loathing- we’re better able to learn from and take power over whatever it is that emerges.

  There are many ways to do this inward discovery, I encourage you to play with the two below as a starting point.

  2.) Start a Journal

An easy way to get started is to begin keeping a journal. Simply by placing thoughts to paper, we allow ourselves to process what has been backlogged, empty our minds, and bring clarity to how we’re experiencing life.

  Don’t be worried about what you’re writing, simply write and let the words flow. If you get stuck, start to think about things that make you angry, or sad, or whatever emotion or experience is present in that moment.

  You can try journaling when you wake up, before you go to bed, or whenever it makes sense and can be fit into your daily routines.

  As you journal take the time to go back and read old entries, often times they can be very insightful for understanding our current circumstances and seeing how far we’ve come along our journey.

  3.) Become the Observer

Another great way to look within is through the practice of mindfulness, meditation, and time spent alone in nature. In our modern, hyper-stimulated, non-stop world, quiet time and solitude are rare experiences that many of us are deficient in.

  Making this kind of time a priority allows us to tune out the external distractions, cultivate awareness and witness how we’re feeling and thinking. It allows us to examine the choices we’re making each day. This awareness of choice is a seed that when nurtured and protected will help us in allowing our Ikigai to blossom.

  When you begin to realize that you can shift your focus, you reclaim your power, you are free to imagine how things could be different. With this power, you are better equipped to find harmony within yourself and all of your relationships, both personal and professional.

  Please note that I use “begin” when referring to realization because this is rarely a one-time event. True realization and the integration that follows can be a lengthy process. The transitory nature of experience and our tendency to forget things, even things that at the time are so clear and paradigm shifting, sets us up to re-discover and re-learn the same lesson many times.

  One way to help with remembering is to quickly write about or capture on audio or video the realization in the moment and then to read, watch or listen to it on a regular basis.

  4.) Expand Your Knowledge Base

Read new books that you wouldn’t typically read. I’m assuming that if you’re reading this then you’re the type of person who still makes the times to read books, and for that, I salute you. Books give you a window into the world of someone else and are full of knowledge, wisdom and valuable insights.

  If you’re more of an auditory learner, or constantly on the go, try listening to podcasts and audios from subjects that you’re curious to know more about. Long form podcasts that allow for a wide range of topics to be discussed are my favorite. The Tim Ferriss Podcast, the Joe Rogan Experience and Tangentially Speaking are three worthwhile examples.

  Podcasts have had an appreciable impact on the way I think about and live my life. These varied conversations have introduced me to concepts and possibilities that I never knew existed.

  The power of Podcasting is that it allows you to spend time with people you would otherwise never be able to. The traditional alternative would be to read their books and blogs which although valuable are not as accessible to most of us as downloading an MP3 and listening as you go about your day.

  To simply be present to the thoughts, stories, and insights of people who are more experienced in life is a true gift.

  One other area worth looking at are the types of careers that other people have chosen and created for themselves to see what resonates with you. Try not to idealize those that stand out -to believe that life will be perfect if you could just be like that person- rather, accept that anything worth doing requires hard work and sacrifice. Your mission is to become the best version of yourself, not to try to be exactly like someone else.

  5.) Don’t Rush

Finding your true calling isn’t always straightforward, in fact, I would argue that for most of us it comes about through a seemingly “random” set of circumstances or challenges. Many of us have come to know these “random” alignments of people, places, and events as synchronicities; and we believe that the more we live into our true calling, the more synchronistic life tends to be.

  Some of us are lucky enough to have life-changing experiences that help reveal our true calling. Such was the case when my appendix ruptured at the age of 18, over the course of the following year of recovery it became crystal clear that I was no longer interested in Automotive Engineering Tech. – I had completed the first two years of the 4-year program with Honors – instead, it was holistic wellness and natural healing that I felt called to pursue.

  I now have a large scar on my stomach that I carry with pride knowing that I faced my mortality and surrendered my will to something greater than myself. This is what has allowed me to become the person I am today and it’s a trend I see in many of us who appear to have found their true calling as evidenced by the kind of work they do and things they care about.

  It has been both my toughest challenge and greatest blessing; could I have ever planned it that way? Not a chance.

  Just remember to take your time, learn to discern what feels right in your heart, and don’t torture yourself when you feel like you’re failing…It is part of the process.

  In summary, I believe that we all have a purpose to discover, a calling to answer, an Ikigai to embrace, and it is the mysterious nature of how you find your calling that helps make life such a beautiful adventure.

  Know that any journey worth taking is bound to have its fair share of peaks and valleys, the key is to keep moving forward, to trust that with perseverance, honesty, and contemplation you will end up walking the path that is yours and yours alone.

The post Find Your Calling: 5 Steps To Discover The Real You appeared first on Everyday Power Blog.

[demikbrayus]

Best Online Personal Loans for 2017

This article first appeared on aaacreditguide.com at AAACreditGuide.

24 million Americans will take out an unsecured personal loan this year, and that number is expected to rise in the years to come. So what exactly can you do with a personal loan? Debt consolidation is one of the most popular uses because many consumers with credit card debt can find a better interest rate with a personal loan.

Instead of making monthly payments to multiple credit card companies, each with a different due date and interest rate, you might be able to beat that expensive APR with a loan. You can then pay off all of your credit cards (or other debts with high interest levels).

You simply make one fixed payment for a predetermined period of time. With more than $729 billion of credit card debt in America, it’s no surprise why using a personal loan for debt consolidation is a common choice.

Many people use personal loans for other expenses as well. They’re usually reserved for expensive items that are difficult, if not impossible, to pay for all at once even if you have a beefed-up savings account.

For example, you might need a new roof or want to update your kitchen before you sell your house. Or perhaps your wedding plans cost more than your current cash flow or you need money to help pay for an adoption.

Personal loans make it easy to finance big-ticket items without draining your savings all at once. And while banks and credit unions have historically been the place to go for personal loans, online lenders now offer easy access to financing, often with lower interest rates.

How We Found the Best Online Personal Loans

We reviewed countless lenders to come up with our five best places to get a personal loan online.

To make it to our list, each lender had to meet the following five criteria:

Diversity in options

Wide borrower approval rate

Dependability (or strong reputation and reviews from borrowers)

Competitive rates — because regardless of what you’re using your loan funds for, you want it to cost as little as possible

Special features, since many online lenders provide convenient perks and services for borrowers.

Note: Geographic availability was also an important factor we considered.

Because each state has different regulations, many online lenders only focus on a few select locations when they first open. Then as they gain traction, they move into more and more states. We know our readers live all over the country, so we focused on lenders with a large geographic footprint.

Without further adieu, we present the eight best online personal loans. Because we included lenders focusing on different types of borrowers, we encourage you to read through the list to find the best fit for you.

Upstart

Upstart offers personal loans particularly for younger individuals who may not have an extensive credit history. Most borrowers are actually in their early 20s to mid-30s, and many of whom have recently graduated from college.

Rather than focusing solely on credit score, Upstart considers other factors as well when considering each loan application.

For instance, the lender also looks at your education and work history. If you’re just out of college, they may look at things like SAT score and GPA. If you’re older, they’ll look more extensively at your work history.

Upstart’s interest rates start at 6.4% and go up to 29.99% — quite a competitive range. You can borrow anywhere between $1,000 and $50,000 for up to five years, but you’ll need a credit score of at least 620 (with the average coming in at 692). If you hit financial troubles, Upstart also offers flexible repayment terms.

Another neat feature is that you can get a loan for a partnering coding bootcamp, even if you don’t have a job or a college degree. This helps you invest in yourself by getting experience in a high demand industry. It’s no surprise Upstart places a high value on tech skills since it was founded by three former Google staff members.

If you have a solid work or education history that shows you’re a reliable person, you could find the online personal loan you need with Upstart. Each underwriting process is tailored specifically to the individual giving you the best chance for success.

Visit Upstart

Read our full review of Upstart

Payoff

Payoff allows you to do just that: pay off your credit card debt, and instead manage a single installment loan with what could very well be a lower interest rate.

Many Payoff borrowers also experience an increase in their credit score, averaging at least 40 points when paying off $5,000 or more in credit card debt.

Loans start off at $5,000 and go up to $35,000 depending on your needs. APRs range from 8% to 25%, which includes an origination fee of 2% to 5%. Loan terms are also flexible, lasting between two and five years.

Loans from Payoff are unsecured, so don’t worry about putting up any collateral just to get approved. In order to qualify, however, you’ll need to meet a few minimum requirements. First, your credit score must be 660 or higher. Your debt-to-income ratio must be 50% or less and you should also have at least three years of good credit.

Expect to need at least two open and satisfactory trade lines on your credit report, with only one being an installment loan in the last 12 months. Finally, you can’t have any current delinquencies and any from the last 12 months should be for 90 days or less. If you meet these requirements, a Payoff loan may be a good fit for you.

What else makes a Payoff loan stand out? Once you take out a loan, you’re entitled to some nice “member benefits.” Most notable is the free FICO score you receive each and every month. This helps you track your progress in improving your credit score as you pay down your debt.

You get job loss support in case you lose your job, and check-in calls throughout the year with the member experience team. Also interesting is Payoff’s dedication to “empowerment science,” giving you access to personality, stress, and cash flow assessments.

Visit Payoff

Read our full review of Payoff

Best Egg

For borrowers with good credit seeking competitive interest rates, Best Egg is a strong option to consider. Having funded more than $2 billion since its opening in 2014, Best Egg has assisted 200,000 clients.

For those with the strongest credit scores and an annual income of at least $100,000, APRs are as low as 5.99%. Otherwise, they range up to 29.99%.

Loan amounts are as low as $2,000 and as high as $50,000 if you meet special qualifications. Origination fees range between 0.99% and 5.99% and are taken out of your funds.

Once you’ve had a loan for at least six months with Best Egg, you can actually apply for a second loan if necessary. Your combined balances can’t exceed $50,000 but it gives you more flexibility in your financing where many lenders prohibit more than one outstanding loan.

Most Best Egg borrowers use their funds to consolidate debt, but you can use the money for just about anything. Whether it’s for medical expenses, a new kitchen, or your upcoming wedding, Best Egg allows for a large variety of loan purposes.

If you have strong credit and are in a relatively high-income bracket, you can take advantage of some pretty competitive loan terms with Best Egg. It’s quick and easy to get an offer and won’t hurt your credit score. In fact, you won’t have any hard pull at all until you’re ready to sign your loan agreement.

Visit Best Egg

Read our full review of Best Egg

Avant

Avant has served close to half a million borrowers since opening its doors online in 2012. It’s a great middle-of-the-road option because most Avant borrowers have either average or above average credit. The average score range is actually between 600 and 700.

If you have strong credit, you can get an APR as low as 9.95%. Loan sizes range anywhere from $1,000 to $35,000; with such a low minimum, you can get a low-rate loan for a short-term need, whereas many other lenders require a minimum of $5,000.

Many Avant borrowers use their loan for debt consolidation and the lender states that six months into the loan, those borrowers see an average 12 point increase in their credit scores. You actually get to track your VantageScore for free each month as an Avant borrower. And as an added bonus for borrowers in debt consolidation, you get access to ReadyforZero, a free online debt management tool.

Another unique feature offered by Avant is the late fee forgiveness program. If you’re late making your payment, you’ll be charged a late fee. If, however, you pay your next three consecutive bills on time, your fee will be refunded in full.

Avant also holds true to the idea of a high-tech online lender. You can access your loan dashboard either online or through a smartphone app, making this online lender user-friendly and competitive.

Visit Avant

Read our full review of Avant

LightStream

LightStream has the interface of a modern online lender with the institutional backing of a major bank. That’s because it’s actually a division of SunTrust Bank, but don’t worry, you don’t have to be a member in order to qualify for a personal loan.

You do need good to excellent credit to qualify for a LightStream loan, but credit alone doesn’t affect your APR. The lender also uses extremely specific loan categories that also contribute to your loan offer because LightStream believes that some personal loans are riskier than others.

Debt consolidation, for example, would be viewed less favorably in the application process compared to something like your child’s private school tuition (please note: LightStream loans may not be used for college education).

If you have the credit to qualify, you can access some great rates through LightStream. Depending on your application and your loan term, APRs start as low as 1.99% and go up to 13.09%, assuming you sign up for the lender’s autopay program; otherwise, you’ll have to tack on an extra 0.5% to your interest rate.

One thing to be aware of with a LightStream loan is the loan amount range. The minimum loan is $5,000, so this isn’t a good option if you’re looking for a relatively small amount of funds; however, the maximum is $100,000, so it is a good option if you need a higher amount than most other lenders offer.

Visit LightStream

Read our full review of LightStream

OneMain

Having bad credit doesn’t mean you can’t work with an established lender like OneMain. APRs are above average, ranging from 25.10% to 36% but the minimum credit score is only 550.

While most OneMain loans are secured with collateral such as a vehicle, you might qualify for an unsecured loan if you pay a higher APR. You can potentially borrow as little as $1,500 or as much as $25,000 depending on what you qualify for during the application process.

OneMain certainly has a strong track record, serving over 10 million customers total. With over 1,700 physical branches across the country, it’s easy to get in-person support whenever you need it.

You can apply online, but if there’s a OneMain branch nearby, you’ll need to go in for a meeting to verify information before finalizing your loan agreement. This final step can be performed over the phone if you don’t live near a physical location.

Once you’ve received a personal loan from OneMain, you get to choose from several flexible payment options. You can pay online or through the lender’s smartphone app.

There are also traditional payment options, such as at a OneMain branch or through the mail. Finally, you can even stop at a Walmart to pay there. It’s an extremely easy and transparent process, particularly if you need access to bad credit financing.

Visit OneMain

Read our full review of OneMain

Discover

Discover doesn’t just offer credit cards, it’s also a lender with a strong presence in the online loan market. One of the standout features of a Discover loan is that the repayment term lengths are extremely flexible.

While most lenders only offer loan terms up to three or maybe five years, your loan can be spread out as much as seven years with Discover.

Their rates are also competitive, ranging between 6.99% and 24.99% APR. You can qualify for a loan amount ranging anywhere from $2,500 to $35,000.

Discover could be a good fit for you if you need to make a large purchase and want to spread out your payments to minimize your monthly bill. You’ll need an average credit to qualify for a Discover personal loan— the minimum requirement is 660, but the average borrower’s score is 750.

Another interesting feature of a Discover loan is that you can change your mind even after funds are disbursed. If you decide the loan isn’t right for you, you can return the loan funds within 30 days without having to pay any interest.

We also like Discover because unlike many other online lenders, it’s available in all 50 states. If you live in a state that tends to have tough regulations against online lenders, Discover is a safe bet.

Visit Discover

Read our full review of Discover

Citizens Bank

Rounding out our favorite online personal loans is Citizens Bank, which has been in business since 1828.

It’s a long standing institution that is committed to creating a strong online lending presence. So what does that mean for you as a borrower?

First, there’s no set minimum credit score, except that it should be “reasonably strong.” The minimum income level is set at $24,000 but there aren’t a ton of set guidelines beyond that.

A nice perk about Citizens Bank is that you can apply jointly with a co-applicant. That could help strengthen your application if you need help or want to get the loan with a spouse or partner. Typical APRs start off around 5.99% and can go up to 16.24% or more.

You can borrow anywhere between $5,000 and $50,000. With a reputation spanning centuries and flexible qualification standards, Citizens Bank leaves options for many different types of borrowers.

Visit Citizens Bank

Read our full review of Citizens Bank

Why Online Lenders?

Online lenders are a fast-growing segment in the personal loan space. In fact, in 2015 they closed between $20 and $40 billion in loans.

By 2020, that number is expected to grow to $90 billion. It’s still a drop in the bucket compared to the $3.5 trillion consumer lending market, but it goes to show just how much room for growth there actually is.

So why choose an online lender instead of a national bank or local credit union? Compared to many traditional financial institutions, online lenders typically help people from all types of backgrounds, even underserved markets of individuals with bad credit or no credit history at all. But online loans can be beneficial to those with good and excellent credit as well.

Rates are often more competitive than banks because online lenders don’t have to worry about paying for brick and mortar branches and the staff members they would hold. With much lower overhead costs, many online lenders pass those savings onto borrowers.

When looking for the best online personal loan, it’s important to understand how the lenders are different. There are three basic types: a direct lender, a loan marketplace, and a peer to peer (P2P) lender.

A direct lender actually finances and services the loan you take out, while a loan marketplace, on the other hand, allows you to fill out one application and receive multiple offers from different lenders. A P2P lender services your loan but actually finances it through one or more investors.

What’s the Application Process Like?

Most online lenders provide a quick and easy application process that — you guessed it — you can complete online. Many offer a pre-approval process where you can enter in your basic information and get a loan offer. That way you can check your rates before having a hard check on your credit report.

Then, you verify all of your personal and financial information by completing the full application. You’ll answer more questions and upload supporting documents (i.e. copies of your driver’s license or passport, pay stubs/ bank statements, etc.).

Don’t be disheartened! The whole process is extremely fast. Whereas a traditional lender might take a couple of weeks to qualify you for a loan and get back to you, with an online lender you can complete the whole process and get your money within days.

from Credit And Credit Repair https://aaacreditguide.com/best-online-personal-loans-2/

[hellyes-tommccamus]

Mutant X [TV] (2001-2004)

S01E16 “Interface”

[spoilers]

Sci-fi/action

Tom McCamus plays a main role in season 1

The episode opens with Emma fighting GS Agents in a shopping mall. Shalimar drops in to help and the two of them kick ass without losing any of their shopping. I initially thought this scene was filmed at The Eaton Centre but it is actually the Cineplex on the other side of Yonge Street.

The establishing shots for the safe house look like they were done at a TTC station. Brennan and Jesse are investigating after the GSA broke in and took some of the New Mutants who were staying there. They wonder why suddenly they are getting better at breaking into their safe houses.

Mason reprimands Mr Delay (Chris Owens), naturally his newest second in command, for the shopping centre debacle. He begins to congratulate him on the successful raids on safehouses, but Michelle Bigelow (Danielle Hampton) walks in and rightfully claims the credit for herself. Mason asks her what her career goals are, and she answers as any interview candidate wishes they could, that she wants his job. If we didn’t already expect guest stars to not last the episode, we would straight away know that she has no chance.

Emma checks the CCTV footage from the safehouse and sees that her old school friend Michelle is working for the GSA. Adam discusses Emma’s friend with Jesse. He says she is a psionic telecyber, who can interface directly with computers. Adam says he was involved in some experiments splicing DNA with computer chips. And we thought Adam claimed to have not been aware of being involved in anything dodgy at Genomex? Or has he given up being in denial by this point?

Emma goes looking on the internet for info on her old friend. Thankfully her school was super high tech for the time. I’m guessing Emma is supposed to be in her early twenties so would have graduated a couple of years ago. So her school had a website in 1999? I guess with the other technology we see in the show maybe it’s supposed to be set in the near future. Emma finds an old photo of her and Michelle and decides to go and meet her.

Michelle’s boss comes and tells her off for making his look stupid in front of his boss. Just when I was complaining during the last episode that there is no visible chain of command at Genomex! I guess nobody is surprised that they are slave drivers when Michelle mentions that she is working the evening. She demonstrates her power by diving into the computer. It’s definitely an interesting power. As technology evolves we are becoming closer to machines, and perhaps soon we will all have the power to directly control computers, either transferring our consciousness into them or allowing them into our minds.

Michelle is interrupted by an instant message from Emma. I must say I don’t recall using instant messaging when the show aired. It’s commonplace now, but back then it was all chatrooms and message boards and emails. Instant messaging apparently existed for a long time before this, and with both Mutant X and Genomex being far ahead of the curve, of course they would have it.

Emma is at an internet cafe, remember those? I always thought they were uber cool and modern, but never actually used one as I was lucky enough to have home access to the internet earlier than most people. Michelle seems happy to hear from Emma and invites her to webcam chat. And I have to mention that these were the days when webcams were poor quality, bulky cameras that we had to perch precariously on top of our old CRT monitors. Flat screens weren’t commonplace then.

Brennan laughs at the thought of connecting to a computer mentally, but Jesse likes the idea. But their conversation goes no further a GSA agent (Bradley James Allan) infiltrates the safehouse again. The martial artists/stunt people playing nameless GS Agents really deserve some kudos. The simulation dissolves and we find ourselves back in Sanctuary.

Emma is harassed by a complete stranger and tells him she isn’t alone but waiting for someone. She’s just about to leave when Michelle shows up onscreen. Michelle isn’t keen, but Emma convinces her to come and meet her.

Jesse complains to Adam about the simulations not preparing them for real life fights. Adam reveals something worrying: he has programmed the simulations with free will. Which is kinda neat, but is it morally right or safe? Adam guesses rather smugly that Jesse had trouble playing video games as a kid. Which is kinda surprising, I guess you expect computer whizzes to also be master gamers.

The shocks keep coming. Our good girl Emma is actually a thieving manipulator. She meets with Michelle and they talk about how Emma used to use her powers to steal people’s coffee then Michelle would turn off the lights so they could escape. Apparently they did this all the time and didn’t get caught. And they do it when they meet up this time. It’s not particularly surprising that a couple of New Mutant teens would mess with people like that, but seeing her do it in the present is a bit out of character. Sure, Mutant X are far from being whiter than white, but petty theft seems just unnecessary. Then she has the nerve to look down on her friend for joining “the dark side”.

Brennan and Shalimar have a conversation about simulations. Brennan is reading a GSA training file on a device that looks like a modern cell phone in a flip case. It’s odd how with time science fiction technology moves into being part of normal life.

Michelle and Emma have an interesting conversation about the morality of Mutant X and the GSA. But then some more GS Agents show up and take Emma away.

Jesse and Adam talk about studying and tests. Adam reveals he went to college at 12. The fact that he was a child genius probably comes as a surprise to no-one, and with the ages of some of his test subjects, he would have had to start working at a Genomex at a very young age. Perhaps even before he graduated. I don’t believe he’s ever actually called doctor at any point, but I think we can assume he has at least one doctorate.

Shalimar and Brennan set off to rescue Emma. Adam makes a good point in telling them to find out where she is being held before they go in. Genomex is a large place, and too often we see them run in there and conveniently end up where they need to be. There is far less wandering down random corridors than there would be in reality. Meanwhile Adam is looking at Michelle’s DNA somehow. When exactly was he supposed to have taken a sample? And he says it is going through a shift - an emotional one. Sorry Adam, DNA doesn’t actually contain emotions. Those are definitely stored in the structure of the brain.

Michelle marches Emma through the corridors of Genomex while Emma tries to change her friend’s mind about working there. She suggests Michelle has a look at what is in the computers. As if she wouldn’t have already looked. If she’s quite happy to use her powers to steal, why would she not? I think they forgot to book extras for this shoot because the place is absolutely empty.

For some reason they have to actually sneak into Mason’s office for Michelle to get into the computer system. Couldn’t she do it remotely? Michelle mentions that Emma broke into the dean’s office and stole his furniture. So her past was as a kleptomaniac with no reason? For some reason Michelle has to unlock the door. It’s usually open. In a place you’d expect to have high security, it actually varies between none and some that is easily broken into. Mason’s touchscreen iMac was pure science fiction in those days, but again, would be considered ordinary now. I recall seeing being amazed at seeing demonstrations of touchscreens for the first time around the time this series first aired. Michelle sees something shocking on the computer, we don’t get to find out what.

The girls are spotted by a lab technician. Usually the corridors are full of them (for no good reason other than to make the place look extra sciencey, like the test tubes full of coloured liquids). Emma thinks they’re in trouble. Probably they would be fine. In a large company, most staff do not know or particularly care who is supposed to be where. Michelle deactivates Emma’s sub dermal governor, which is always accompanied by some sparks, and she makes the solitary lab tech think he has seen nothing. Which is more like casting an illusion than messing with emotions, but I think we’ve already been there.

Emma calls Adam. And as we’re on the topic of science fiction tech becoming ordinary, the commlink rings work in a similar manner to Bluetooth headsets or the Apple Watch. Surprise surprise, Mason appears as they try to leave. Actually accompanied by three security guards this time. They let themselves be taken away. Where to, we don’t know. There is so much seemingly pointless walking in Mutant X. Is it supposed to give the impression that the story is moving quickly? There’s seriously few scenes where people have a conversation while standing still. They use the same trick as in the coffee shop and disappear. The dialogue is quite embarrassingly bad in these scenes. It sounds like a first draft that they never rewrote to sound less like a bad comic book.

In the next scene we see Jesse and Adam having coffee. And the cups are obviously empty from the way they hold them. I find that quite funny as I now know from experience how easy it is to forget how to convincingly use everyday objects while on camera. Michelle arrives at Sanctuary. Adam is concerned that they may have been “tinkering with her DNA” at Genomex, despite the fact that that is what he did and continues to do. He makes a terrible social blunder in suggesting she may have emotional problems. I think that is about the worst, most insulting thing you can say to someone’s face. But she says that she has no emotions and is turning into a computer. Then she uses a new power we’ve never seen before to knock Adam off his feet. So many New Mutants seem to have whatever power plus extra bonus telekinesis!

Then in what is most definitely the worst example of CG in the show so far, she transforms into a computer woman. Emma fights her by mentally forcing emotions on her. They could have actually made this into a touching scene if they had Emma mentally remind Michelle of their friendship. But never mind. Somehow she loses her clothes in her transformation.

Mr Delay (whose first name we never learn) disturbs Mason who is having a nap at his desk. Well, who is going to tell him not to? He reports that they have lost contact with Michelle. Mason tells him he can keep his job for a little while longer. Wouldn’t that be his cue to run, now? Surely he must have heard that nobody is merely fired from the GSA?

Adam has done some nonspecific permanent fix to Michelle’s DNA and all is fine now. Emma makes up with the team and they all have sushi. I would have liked to see more of Michelle’s power. It seemed a bit of a waste to only see her using it to turn out lights and hack into computers.

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Facts about Real Estate Business

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Facts about Real Estate Business

Even as participants of the Gen Z network may be too younger to do not forget the severity of the Terrific Recession and Housing Crisis of 2008, most remember that genuine estate is not an easy industry and is distinctly susceptible to marketplace cycles and out of doors factors. Because of this volatility, only the best of the best rise to the top. I sat down with Nancy Almodovar of Nan and Business Enterprise Properties/Christie’s Global real estate, who’s the founding father of one of the pinnacle real property firms in Houston, Texas. Nan and Enterprise Residences/Christie’s International real estate has garnered numerous accolades consisting of Certified Ladies’ Enterprise Corporation, Pinnacle 25 Brokers’ list primarily based on income volume, and #1 Luxury real estate Dealer. Further, Christie’s Worldwide property recently announced Nan and Corporation Residences would be their Houston affiliate.

Real estate business

Almodovar has hooked up an “era-driven” firm and aims to be a role-model for different lady founders. After our communicate, I asked her what the pleasant approaches for people to get commenced in real estate and what were her triumphing hints on the way to stand proud of the rest are. The following have been the three training she discovered early on in her career and said will be “make or ruin for aspiring real estate entrepreneurs.” 1. Get Mentors If you need to get worried with the actual property, your first query is probably, “Wherein do you get started out?” Do you discover the houses first? Do you find the money? Companions? And the way do you discover any of these? These are legitimate questions. Getting started out in an investment industry with purchase-in of over $a hundred,000 may be daunting. For that reason, Almodovar says the high-quality first step is to locate a few mentors. As she positioned it, “There may be no way I might be Where I’m at these days if I did now not have mentors and fundamental human beings in my Commercial enterprise and personal existence that gave me the expertise and the right advice on the right time.” After hearing this, your next question is probably, “How do I discover mentors and do they even want to speak to me?” With a booming “Sure,” Almodovar instructed me: “A hit humans like to share their accomplishments with others I was just fortunate to get the threat to concentrate and take motion.” In case you want to get into real estate, you only want to get accessible, listen to the individuals who recognize how to do it first-rate, and take action. No one is final houses for you. However, each person is stealing the great investments While you take a seat now not making a movement. “anyone has had a mentor, and so everyone wants to be a mentor finally,” says Almodovar. 2. Use generation As a tech-pushed firm, Almodovar’s most critical price proposition has been making use of the traits in real property and continually integrating new methods for technology to not most useful make her activity easier but additionally help differentiate her from the rest of the enterprise. Economic markets have always been the slowest movers concerning generation and innovation adoption. It best takes a study the MLS (listing platform for homes) to peer that the real property marketplace as a whole is lagging behind tech-sensible. Almodovar saw this and recognized an opportunity for drastic success. To get an idea of the styles of era she makes use of, she informed me, “we focus on analytics, market evaluation, social media, videography, trends, digital ads, digital campaigns, re-focused on, statistics capture, CMR, the listing, in reality, is going on and on, and that is certainly just the floor.”

Real estate

“Keeping heads of the departments that specialize on These sides of the Enterprise may be very essential because that is day after day work that constantly has to be analyzed, studied and remodeled.” Almodovar cited how managing investments and finances had been made easier thank you to modern tech, and businesses of today need to be extra prudent approximately their belongings. Expertise your available assets, even supposing the overall market does now not use them, is like choosing up loose money off the floor. Older, maximum mounted businesses are gradual to catch up on Those trends. That is one of the essential reasons Nan and Employer Houses turned into selected to be Houston’s particular Christie’s Global real estate associate, above other agencies within the metropolis which have existed for decades. three. Spend money on Your Clients Real property is, in the end, an funding enterprise. Customers will study all possible funding routes and decide based totally on chance and go back spreads which plan and participant to invest with. This means, of all of the real estate players, you want to convince the “money-human beings” now not best is your model the most secure however that it’s also the maximum worthwhile. After each interplay, your Customers will either suppose you’re well worth making an investment with again or no longer and will in all likelihood inform their buddies. In Almodovar’s phrases, “Never fail your Clients. By no means provide them cause to now not want to recommend you to their friends.” Thru Almodovar’s strict customer-first policy she has evolved a robust brand based totally on effects and enjoyability of the revel in. However, There may be manifestly still chance in this enterprise. So what occurs when a deal is going south? Almodovar told me, “Let your awful situations be rare and small, but they will happen. I have coverage that I By no means paintings with every person who finds the clean way out of those poor conditions and my Clients recognize that.” despite the fact that it manner is taking a short-time period loss in my view, making an investment in reducing your Clients’ losses while the going gets tough will make you greater proper due to the fact you’re now both a greater critical and more secure option than your opposition. Import-export Business, tourism, real estate Enterprise and nearby activity-generation are going to be the direct beneficiaries of the Jewar airport. Enterprise, original estate builders, and marketplace researchers see the opportunity of an economic boom sport, but simplest while the venture goes to the floor. Apart from Business, the real property region could advantage to a First-rate extent and speculations concerning future price escalations are already being made. “We’re expecting a Splendid push for the common stock in addition to for upcoming projects in the region. Additionally, we do foresee a push of real property improvement deeper into the districts, towards the airport. A price escalation of Houses inside the area is likewise speculated once the mission takes to the air. It’s miles Great information for the real estate Business inside the vicinity,” Manoj Gaur, president, Credai, NCR said.

Real estate

A high-quality effect is also anticipated at the export-import based groups of Noida, Greater Noida entirely. “Numerous International site visitors have been keeping off Noida and Extra Noida as they fall off-direction. Gurgaon has usually had the brink due to its proximity to the airport and has been helping brisk Enterprise. Now with an Global airport inside the region, Noida and Extra Noida’s existing export-import businesses might get the first push. It would additionally make sense to set up such groups closer to the airport,” Vipin Malhan, president, Noida Marketers Association (NEA), said. The airport can also push of urbanization inside the deeper folds of the districts surrounding the approaching airport is foreseen. A spike in real property absorption and charge escalation is likewise predicted as soon as the task is going to ground. However, real estate pundits are expecting an growth most active as soon as work commences on the undertaking. “The Jewar airport statement has been around for years. Noida and More Noida and the Throughway vicinity already has A variety of stock to soak up. The prices are already top of the line. There will be an escalation once the undertaking is going to the ground and investors and home shoppers see the project taking shape,” Surabhi Arora, Accomplice Director, Studies, Colliers Global, defined. “The airport is going to fill a first-rate infrastructure hole inside the area. Apart from the enterprise, It’d additionally deliver a main push to the tourism within the area because it may be closer to Agra than the Indira Gandhi Worldwide Airport. This can provide Agra and Taj Mahal closer to the arena, giving a boom to the tourism zone,” Rajeev Bansal, president Indian Industries Association (IIA), Noida said. Commenting on its effect on the local economic system, Thakur Dhirender Singh, MLA from Jewar stated, “With the airport, we expect some multinational groups putting in the base in and around Dewar. Uttar Pradesh currently has the mandate of making 70 lakh jobs. The organizations and the ancillary industries which develop around it’ll cause the process era. It’ll also shift the agrarian financial system of rural Up to an ability-based one. In fact, the airport will carry UP’s economic system as a whole, as well as that of the whole north.” “We count on a massive impact of the airport not simply at the economy of the entire airport, but also on the aviation area as it could raise Quite a few pressure off the Indira Gandhi Worldwide airport. Tourism and Commercial enterprise and the economic system at significant will see a large impact,” Mahesh Sharma, Tourism Minister and Gautam Budh Nagar, MP told TOI. Sharma has recently met the Leader Minister of UP, Yogi Adityanath who proposed that the lengthy pending Jewar airport concept needs to be now authorized.