#if this was a song somebody else made i’d probably be listening to it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

suckitsurveys · 2 months ago

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Is your closet disorganized? Not super disorganized, no.

Have you ever been to Times Square? I have.

What TV shows do you watch on a regular basis? Right now SNL.

Have you ever accidentally left something valuable at a shop before? Yes.

What makes your life remarkable? Hah.

Are you putting off doing anything that you really need to get done? Uh huh.

What is the last thing you scribbled down on a Post-It note? Just work notes.

What are you currently listening to? Nothing.

How would you react in discovering your best friend was seriously obsessed with you? Uhhhhh I think I’d notice that by now.

Do you care if your produce is organic or not? No.

Do you have any children? If so, how old were you when you had them? If not, do you think you ever will? Nope and nope.

Do you eat meat? Yes.

Do you get enough calcium? Probably not.

Do you think before you act or speak? Yes, almost to a fault. As in, I almost never speak up for myself because I overthink how people will react.

Do you have a SwagBucks account? I have no idea what that is.

Are you nosy? I can be.

Do you always try on clothes before purchasing them? Not always

Is there anything in your closet with the tags still on? Nope. There was until somewhat recently.

Are you happy with the size of your bedroom? It’s fine.

Do you add people you don’t actually know on Facebook? No. Everyone on FB I know to one extent or another.

What’s your favorite condiment? Depends on the food.

Would you even want to know how much of your life has been spent online? Good god.

Do you shop at American Eagle? No.

List 5 things you’re afraid of: No.

Have you forgotten anything important recently? Blah.

Would you say you’re an honest person? Yeah.

The last Facebook message you received from the opposite sex, what did it say? It was from Mark. He was telling me he was going to start preparing the homemade french fried onions for our homemade green bean casserole for tomorrow.

What does the nicest message in your Facebook inbox say? I'm sure it’s from Mark; he’s the only person I talk to on there.

Is your best friend single? Two are.

What color was the ink of the last pen you wrote with? Black.

What does your pencil-case look like? I don’t have one.

Where was the last place you went that was totally new to you, as in, it was the first time you’d been there? The most recent places I can recall is a cafe and a couple of stores in Salt Lake City when I visited Ellen earlier this month. Also, it was my first time seeing her new condo!

When was the last time you used someone else’s computer? It’s been a while.

Who do you dislike the most? Explain what you dislike about that person. My sister’s husband because he’s a fucking piece of fucking shit and the worst father I’ve ever seen and pretends to be all high and mighty and above everyone else and I just fucking hate him.

What’s the longest you’ve liked someone without doing anything about it? I don’t know.

Do you use straightening irons on your hair? What brand? No.

What’s the relationship status of the last person you talked to? He’s married to meeeeee.

Is there anything you would like to complain about? A lot of stuff.

What’s the first line of the last song you listened to? “She would never say where she came from.”

Think of the person from your past that hurt you the most. Is there anything you would like to say to that person? No.

Does your mom like the last person you kissed? She did when she was alive.

Now your cell phone, what color is it? It’s silver.

What was so special about today? Eh.

If somebody tried to steal your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend, what would you do? I don’t know, I’m not in high school.

What was the last thing you said to your mother? That was over 11 years ago at this point.

When was the last time you cried? Yesterday.

Has anyone made you upset lately? Yes.

What are you looking forward to? The two weeks I have off for Christmas/New Years.

Does anyone completely understand you? Sure.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone? Yeah.

Do you miss your past? Some aspects of it.

Do you have a reason to smile right now? I do.

Are you a forgiving person? Eh.

Do you say sorry first? Yes, if I have to.

Do you like cats? I LOVE cats.

Has someone promised you something and broke it? Yeah.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Yes to both.

Does your phone ring in the middle of the night? Not usually.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? Eh.

Have you ever lost someone you wish you didn’t? Yeah.

Are you anything like you were a year ago? Sure.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Sure.

Would you rather spend a day outside with friends or inside alone? Depends entirely on my mood.

Think back to this time last year, were you happy? Blah.

Has anyone upset you in the last week? Yes.

What should you be doing? I am doing this at work but I am also doing training videos so I’m not completely ignoring my job lol.

Describe how you feel right now in one word. Tired.

What would you do if you found out one of your friends was going for the person you liked? I'm married, they wouldn’t.

Do you prefer drinking water from a bottle or a sink? A bottle or at least filtered. I’m not above drinking it from a sink but if the options are available I’ll take it filtered.

Will you ever run away and get married in Las Vegas with no notifications to either of your families? Already married.

Have you ever thrown your iPod in anger? Oh yes.

Who did you last have a heart-to-heart conversation with? Mark.

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? Eh.

Has anything happened to you within the past month that has made you mad? Yes.

Would you ever get a tattoo? I have several already.

#surveys

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autisticempathydaemon · 2 years ago

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For the redacted match ups!! Thank you ily no rush!! <333

The song I’m fixated on right now is probably Saturn by Sleeping At Last! “With shortness of breath / You explained the infinite / And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist / I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again / I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen / I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time / That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes”

I’m an enneagram 5w4! I can never decide my mbti, something along the lines of istp or intp or entp but not estp ??? This plagues me

I love love love big youtube video essays, I’m not sure if i can pick a specific favorite!! They’re pretty much all I watch if that helps, and I have a lean toward informational ones— like, about real world events and history rather than about media— although certain media ones are really good too.

My imaginary friend’s name was Nobody. Like.. genuinely thats what i called him. I knew he wasn’t real but i felt left out ‘cause everyone else had one so when people were around I would pretend i had an imaginary friend. An imaginary imaginary friend named Nobody. He had a family too; his siblings were named Somebody and Everybody. Hell yeah

My go to way to fall asleep is in a sea of pillows (they keep my bones in place), big puffy comforter thats too big for my bed, window open, listening to podcasts til like 3am (or whenever sleep happens)

I have changed my name, and I picked it because it shares a nickname with my birth name and has the same initial— an easier transition for everyone else, they could just say my nickname if they didn’t want to say my new one. It even sounds similar. I do like the name, but it beat the other options because of that.

The first one that comes to mind as my favorite is the video where Sam heals Darlin (Vampire Tends To Your Injuries)— it was the first one I listened to and easily the one I’ve listened to the most. I’m a whore for hurt/comfort and that specific energy was too good, the mutual care and growing trust without strings attached, waaaah. I’m also really fond of the one where Avior helps Starlight sleep (Comforted By Your Demon) and the imperium one Specifically when Milo is talking to Asher about David (the beginning of Cataclysm: Last Wish) and the pain in the acting its SO GOOD. Probably my favorite bit of acting specifically from the channel, and the only scene thats made me cry. I just love when characters let down their walls and are vulnerable with each other its real good

The redacted boy who holds no appeal to me… im so sorry its caelum im so sorry it gets worse its not just caelum its huxley too i dont think i have a good reason theyre too nice and as for caelum i have a small brother i cant take any more

“Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.” Don’t say that you dont know what youre getting into. Its the entire warrior cats franchise and im ending the conversation here before i start (more socially acceptable answer: The Song of Achilles)

Hmmm I’d love to be best friends with James!!

When im tired i will usually go off about whatever random problem im concerned about that day, my most common recently is my rage about leopard print vs cheetah print WHY IS THE CHEETAH GIRLS LOGOS AND STUFF LEOPARD PRINT. THE CHEETAH. GIRLS. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK LEOPARD PRINT IS CHEETAH??? THEY LOOK DIFFERENT??? WHATS GOING ON???

Gas station snack and drink combo is usually green tea, I dont often get snacks there so im like trying so hard to figure out what id get or whats there… oo pretzels maybe

I cant tell you about my favorite playlist because i have one (1) playlist ive had since i was 14 and its just everything ive ever listened to ever, if im in a specific mood ill usually just look up the artist, recently its been a lot of Sleeping at Last and Novo Amor

I have no guilty pleasures im unapologetically me babey (its webkinz) (not the site Just the plushies) (best plushies and im very right about this)

Im sleepy and i love my cat and i would very much like to just cuddle that dang thing all day but alas, society calls. Despite this im a workaholic and not being on my feet at all times getting stuff done stresses me out in a major way— cant be stressed if im asleep, though!:D Also i eat raw potatoes on the regular (easy 2 prepare just take it out the cupboard pop it in ur mouth bb) and recently have started putting peas in my water boba style (or perhaps like a duck?) because i dont like water but i do like frozen peas and in this situation like 1 in 10 sips Theres A Dang Pea In There! This method has gotten me to drink more water than i have in probably years

You know who would know what they’re getting into and would love it? Ollie, who was definitely a Warrior Cats kid.

You say that you’re a workaholic, and Type Fives are characterized by their capability and competency… and yet, I get really fun, goofball vibes from you that I think Ollie would really love and get along with.

You’re both hard workers, curious, and diligent, but at home, you could be chill and just be with each other, be yourselves with each other. You with your Webkinz and your Warrior Cats and him with his Star Trek- it’s a lovely, comfortable home you have that’s utterly unique to the both of you.

Coming home everyday would be a delight, a reward after a long day of work. Ollie’d grab takeout on the way, orange chicken for him and whatever’s your favorite, and he’d settle in for the night, chopsticks in hand, saying “tell me about the difference between leopard and cheetah print, Babe.”

Song:

They say in Heaven, love comes first/ We'll make Heaven a place on Earth/ Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth

Ollie strikes me as the kind of dude who loves cheesy, 80’s pop; like, I can see him busting through the door with the aforementioned takeout and just bopping. It’s also just a really cute song about the person you love and the space you make together being Heaven, and I love that for y’all.

Runner-Ups:

I like Avior for you on an Enneagram basis; along with the competency and capability, there’s a dogged curiosity there that, I think, Avior would admire and would keep him on his toes. Regulus is purely because of the imaginary friend tidbit; there’d be something poetic about him taking place of your Nobody and making himself your real imaginary friend. I could totally do something with that.

Note: thank for you the Sleeping At Last song rec~ I love his whole Enneagram album, so I’ve been meaning to get into more of his discography 🧡

Want a match-up of your own? Read this post, and tell me about yourself! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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hilarychuff · 2 years ago

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get to know me tag meme

got tagged by @staceymcgillicuddy and am doing this one only THREE weeks later as opposed to even more weeks like last time

rules: tag (8-10) people who you want to get to know better.

relationship status: single but sometimes i invent a little romance for myself in my head which is fun until i have to confront the fact that it’s made up!!! that part is less fun

favorite color: ummm my ~power color~ is red but i also like pink and yellow

three favorite foods: a very fancy bagel (lox or salmon roe or whitefish salad), my poké bowl (including pickled mango), aaaaaaand pasta

top 3 tv shows: considering how much tv i watch this is a surprisingly hard question to answer!!! i guess i’m not much of a rewatcher unless i’m showing something to somebody. but sweet/vicious for sure is one of my fave shows that ended too early that i always try and make people watch. i don’t think it is like a “””good””” “””show”””” per se but i’m always excited for an episode of 911 or 911 lonestar lol. aaaaaaaand let’s go with a league of their own bc it made me weep several times. honorary shout out to yellowjackets. will bump it up if they commit to shauna/jackie’s gay feelings for each other being canon.

top 3 characters: ooo well my current blorbos include sansa stark and chrissy cunningham and i’ll always have love for lily evans. just bc i only have two other blorbos i’ll also give shout outs to beth greene and jemma simmons

what i’m currently reading: not in the middle of anything rn. just finished seven percent of ro devereux by ellen o’clover and thinking of either starting out of character by jenna miller or honey and spice by bolu babalola

song stuck in my head: ok i actually don’t have one today but for several recent days in a row it was take on me by a-ha

last movie watched: the menu halfway!! i’d already seen it but was skimming for reasons. but before that it was m3gan lol because i had to show it to people!!! and last weekend i watched a whole bunch of other spooky movies with my friends.

last thing i googled: technically it was “how to see google search history” but before that and anything else related to this game it was “young angie will trent” lol

last song i listened to was: hmmm i’m not sure exactly. something from the annie dirusso mix playlist on spotify. let’s say it was “my kink is karma” by chappell roan but i think that was actually the one before whatever i listened to last

dream trip: idk!!!!! i am not really a trip planner unless it is a trip to see people. maybe a road trip all over the us to see all kinds of different places and people. that probably would be the dream actually.

time: 6:15 p.m. rn

anything i really want right now: FOR MY FAVORITE OVERALLS TO BE FIXED. FOR A NEW PAIR OF MY FAVORITE OVERALLS. THEY RIPPED IN THE THIGHS BC I AM TOO SEXY JUICY AND I GOT THEM PATCHED AND THEY RIPPED ALONG THE PATCH AND NOW I’M LIKE!!!!!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO. DO I GET THEM PATCHED AGAIN. HOW LONG CAN THIS CYCLE LAST. WHY CAN’T AMERICAN EAGLE OUTFITTERS SELL THESE OVERALLS AGAIN. I WILL BUY 47 PAIRS SO I CAN HAVE THEM UNTIL THE END OF MY DAYS IF ONLY THEY WOULD LET ME.

tagging: ummm let’s go with @beholdthemem, @chdarling, @cellsshapedlikestars, @julvett, @mistysharks, @gorgeousgreymatter-x, @loulanorth, @enoughtotemptme

#tag meme

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thirteens-earring · 2 months ago

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[ It’s difficult not to read the Pearl Poet’s Sir Gawain and the Green Knight without envisioning a sort of Benny Hill–style montage of hot-potato sexual tension: Lady Bertilak chasing Sir Gawain around the castle trying to stuff girdles and rings in his pocket; Sir Gawain running full-tilt away from her with his fingers stuffed in his ears, listing women he’s disliked; Lord Bertilak throwing open a series of doors with a hopeful expression and making out with whoever’s behind them. The account the Green Knight gives of kissing, of giving kisses, of asking to be kissed, seemed as sound an account as any to me, who found the concept fascinating but the practice baffling and impenetrable. The best and strongest men in the world are all assembled together; who that loved men would not ride into that hall and beg one of them to cut off your head? And who has ever been injured by men and not been disappointed at the insufficiency of the wound afterward? Come over, but don’t stay over; look at me, but not like that; here, trade kisses with someone else who will act as my emissary—now what on earth did you go and kiss her for?—the game of bodies and beheading made very little sense as a trans person who had no language for the way I experienced my body or the bodies of others, no way to explain that I could imagine myself as a girl and I could imagine myself being kissed if I worked hard enough at it, but never both at the same time. Welcome to my house, now you have to kiss both of us made as much sense as any other set of rules about kissing I’d ever been offered.

The closest I could ever come to imagining a romantic interaction that would need to acknowledge the body was this: I would imagine myself at the local dairy where some of my friends had part-time jobs. A stranger would rush in and shoot me, wounding me mortally but not immediately killing me, then just as immediately depart. My friends would gather round in horror and pity, all wishing they had loved me better and admiring the beautiful, gallant way in which I prepared to meet death. I would say bravely that my final wish was not to die unkissed, and one of my friend’s boyfriends would solemnly and respectfully oblige; then I would die and the fantasy would restart, possibly with a new outfit. This had the benefit of infusing every hypothetical kiss with the urgency of the grave, while simultaneously freeing me from having to imagine what on earth might be expected of me after kissing, or worse, what asking to be kissed without the threat of death might look like. Had I had access to a phrase like “transmasculine resonance” at a younger age I might have found a certain transmasculine resonance in Sir Gawain trapped in somebody else’s house trying to avoid kisses from both men and women while worrying about unavoidable physical challenges and the threat of blood; as it was I instead developed a habit of leaving parties abruptly, usually after saying, “I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a minute.”

When I was just teetering on the verge of puberty, between sixth and seventh grade (I say teetering but this was the midnineties and everyone was still drinking that bad milk with all the hormones in it instead of the healthful modern raw milk that sometimes kills you, so I probably had a solid two or three years of menstruation under my belt at that point) I spent a lot of time on the bus ride home from school listening to the classic-rock station. This was for two reasons; the first was that none of my friends were on my bus line until eighth grade, and the second was that I didn’t own a Walkman until high school. There were a couple of songs popular on the suburban Chicago classic-rock station that seemed designed to introduce a white eleven-year-old to the idea of the blues as gradually as possible: Melissa Etheridge’s “I’m the Only One,” Marc Cohn’s “Walking in Memphis,” and a smattering of Bonnie Raitt, all of which played on absolutely constant rotation. I was very preoccupied with the idea that I was never going to go on a date or be kissed, an idea I found both desolating and incredibly romantic, and they served as the ideal accompanying soundtrack for planning a sexy, sexless future. They turned out to be, in fact, relatively formative when it came to my idea of what sexy women sounded like and thought about. The best possible future I could envision for myself (while remaining realistic—it was one thing to imagine myself dying heroically at Oberweis Dairy while my friend Katie’s boyfriend honorably kissed me into the grave, but quite another to imagine myself trapped with a boyfriend of my own) looked a lot like soft-rock-infused yearning solitude. I could imagine myself as a grown woman only in total isolation from the rest of humanity, and believed the absolute sexiest thing a grown woman could be was “incredibly sad about Elvis,” just like Alannah Myles in “Black Velvet.”

Perhaps it would have been better for me if I could have seen the movie Velvet Goldmine or heard of the Smiths at that age instead, and transitioned at fourteen. I might have called myself Trenton and had a cis boyfriend at fifteen; I might even today be five foot ten instead of five foot seven and a half inches tall. But I did not have access to Velvet Goldmine or the Smiths; I had access to Alannah Myles and Sir Gawain and church and was going to have to make do with what I had. By the time I did encounter Velvet Goldmine and the Smiths I had already developed various strategies of self-protection, and was mostly safe from becoming unbearable about them. I wanted male romantic attention very badly, and couldn’t stand it at the same time; I briefly had a boyfriend in college and spent almost every night of the week going over to his house, flirting outrageously with him, then sneaking out the window to avoid spending the night, feeling as I drove home every time that I had just pulled off the most marvelous escape, while simultaneously missing him already.

The Green Knight on the ground now gets himself ready,

leaning a little with the head he lays bare the flesh,

and his locks long and lovely he lifts over his crown,

letting the naked neck as was needed appear.

His left foot on the floor before him placing,

Gawain gripped on his ax, gathered and raised it,

from aloft let it swiftly land where ’twas naked,

so that the sharp of his blade shivered the bones,

and sank clean through the clear fat and clove it asunder,

and the blade of the bright steel then bit into the ground.

The fair head to the floor fell from the shoulders,

and folk fended it with their feet as forth it went rolling;

the blood burst from the body, bright on the greenness,

and yet neither faltered nor fell the fierce man at all,

but stoutly he strode forth, still strong on his shanks,

and roughly he reached out among the rows that stood there,

caught up his comely head and quickly upraised it,

and then hastened to his horse, laid hold of the bridle,

stepped into stirrup-iron, and strode up aloft,

his head by the hair in his hand holding;

and he settled himself then in the saddle as firmly

as if unharmed by mishap, though in the hall he might wear

no head.

His trunk he twisted round,

that gruesome body that bled,

and many fear then found,

as soon as his speech was sped.

To force a roomful of men to admire your ability to withstand physical pain and visibly bleeding ax wound—it may be that there is such a thing as too much transmasculine resonance, and better for me that I would not come to know of it for years and years. If you’re bewildered by that, boys, you should come visit my castle and meet my wife sometime!

I don’t think it’s quite correct to say that I didn’t feel like transition was possible at all, much less for me, until I came to know trans men. It’s still less correct to say that I transitioned for trans men, not just because of them, and yet something about that statement seems true however much I might want to resist it. I don’t quite know how to acknowledge that truth without creating a separate, wholly sovereign category for trans men that can serve as lazy shorthand for “men, but good” or “men, but not really—well, yes of course, trans men are men! but not like that,” or, worst of all, “men, but safe, due to perceived dicklessness.” Anything that frames trans men as a sort of Skipper to cis men’s Barbie seems rooted more in wishful or even delusional thinking than in reality, and elfland never tolerates wishful thinking. But the point remains that my whole young life I carried around a great and a secret love for men I did not feel safe expressing to men, because they could not be trusted with the love I—foolishly, impulsively, unwillingly—had for them; when I began to know trans men later in my life, regardless of whether I found them variously attractive, boring, self-centered, passive-aggressive, badly dressed, charming, clingy, or rude, I was at last ready to set my love down and offer it, to name it with full confidence in the middle of a great hall. I’d been so in love with boys and never told any of them, and I was so ready to say so out loud, and so ashamed, I could burst.

But not knowing my other options, Alannah Myles was the best kind of woman I could imagine myself becoming—too in love with a single dead boy to go out with any of the alive boys who might be interested in her, which seemed like a pretty reasonable position for a grown woman to take, I thought as an eleven-year-old with two solid years of menstruation under his belt. I needed boys to leave me alone so that I could be properly alone with boys. Sexy women stood on porches wailing about Elvis and wearing full chaps over their jeans, and the most billowing white shirts imaginable; maybe someday I could be so sexy that men would pay attention to me but never get close enough to remind me that I had a body.

It’s a genuinely great and, I think, truly funny song; the moment the music stops to reflect on just how sad it was that Elvis died—“In a flash he was gone—it happened so soon,” Myles sings, shaking her head mournfully and lapsing into a respectful silence. Elvis is DEAD and that’s why I can’t go out with you tonight. Of course, any eleven-year-old’s idea of what adult sexiness looks like is bound to be ridiculous. And there was something funny too, in being thirty years old and throwing a tantrum in my therapist’s office about how I didn’t want to want to be a boy because boys weren’t going to be nice to me. The rules of elfland are always bewildering, but that’s never stopped anyone from wandering in before. ]

Daniel M. Lavery, “Sir Gawain Just Wants to Leave Castle Make-Out,” from Something That May Shock and Discredit You (2020)

#daniel lavery #something that may shock and discredit you

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motownfiction · 5 months ago

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hot dog

There’s a hot dog stand right outside Sam’s store.

It parks out there on Tuesdays over the summer. A Dearborn hot dog, Better Made chips, and a can of Coke for $2.32. Not a bad way to go, so Sam usually goes it. Brings one back for Nashwa, too, if she’s in the middle of something at the store. Assistant managers usually are. The owner gets to do things like throw records on, make recommendations, and grab hot dogs.

A girl works at the hot dog stand. It’s always the same girl. Short. Dark blonde hair. Soft brown eyes and a sweet smile. Probably about Nashwa’s age. Maybe they know each other. Either way, there’s something about her that makes Sam sure she needs a song. Maybe more than one.

He’s gone to this hot dog stand four times since the summer began in earnest, but he’s never said more than hello, his order, and thank you. But when the girl smiles at him, she looks sweet enough to be part of his own family. He knows he has to say something else.

“You like this job?” Sam asks.

The girl gives him a funny look.

“I do,” she says. “I get to be in the sun, meet new people, way better than Little Caesars.”

“Not one for Crazy Bread?”

“At a party, sure. On the job, I think I’d rather die.”

Sam laughs.

“I own the record store across the parking lot,” he says.

“I know,” the girl says. “Scrambled Eggs. I didn’t know what it meant, but Nashwa explained it to me.”

“So you do know Nashwa.”

“We go to Michigan together. Took the same psych class. She’s into The Beatles. I don’t know if I am.”

“How do you not know if you’re into The Beatles?”

“Because I don’t know if I like ‘Here Comes the Sun,’ or if I’ve just heard it a hundred times in a hundred places.”

Sam laughs. He looks over his shoulder. No line behind him. Good.

“What’s your name?” he asks.

“Monica,” she says. “Unfortunately. The last year of my life has been a living hell. I had to stop wearing blue.”

Sam laughs again.

“OK, Monica,” he says. “What do you listen to on the radio right now? Like … new stuff. What do you leave on when you’re flipping stations?”

“I like that ‘Truly Madly Deeply’ song,” she says. “I don’t care if it’s cheesy. Sometimes, that’s what you want.”

“No shame here. I like Patrick Swayze singing ‘She’s Like the Wind,’ and there is not one drop of irony in that statement. But hey, if you like standing with somebody on a mountain, come into the store and check out Revolver. ‘Here, There, and Everywhere’ might have a little something for you.”

Monica nods, a knowing smile in the corner of her mouth.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asks.

Sam shrugs.

“I have a long history of recommending music to the people who get my food for me,” he says. “If you’re ever at The Salad Bar, go in and ask for Arwa. She bought Insight Out by The Association from me, and she couldn’t get enough.”

Monica smiles, a bit more honest this time.

“OK,” she says. “Before I pack up and go, I’ll stop in. I should say hi to Nashwa, anyway. Been too long.”

“She’ll be there.”

Sam takes his lunch and walks back toward the store. For a second, he thinks about calling over his shoulder and telling Monica the real reason he wanted to talk to her today, the real reason why he wanted to give her new music.

You look like my sister, and I wouldn’t want my sister to be out in the hot sun, alone.

But he doesn’t.

Doesn’t want to go too far.

#drabble #writeblr #food #ch: sam doyle #year: 1990

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harrison-abbott · 6 months ago

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I played the drums when I was a kid. Keith Moon and John Bonham were my heroes, and I practised playing along to the mighty repertoire of The Who and Led Zeppelin when I was an adolescent.

Drumming was a fantastic way to deal with all of that teenage angst.

One summer, there came an opportunity to head up to this musical group – a collection of musicians whereby they would give us the chance to make bands in small groups, with the end result being a gig.

It was a nice idea, of the Midlothian council who organised it.

Midlothian is quite a bizarre, ugly place, filled with satellite towns dotted around on the hills the south rear of Edinburgh. I went to high school there, and despised it, and was familiar with many of these putrid little towns that I now never wish to go back to. And the music event was located on the last of all of the towns, the last stop on the bus ride: so I had these weird journeys in the morning heading up into the hills and going through the countryside and then these squalid settlements.

So I met up with these people and there maybe 50 kids and a gabble of adults. Not one of the kids was a girl: they were all boys. And all of us had that naïve wonder for rock and roll. Naïve, in the sense that we were all young and glazed with the iconography of musicians that we loved.

The few adults who were here [who were presumably only doing this ‘teaching’ work as a summer job] put us kids into little pockets of bands. I was assigned in a band with these two lads who were big heavy metal fans. This pair of boys. They both knew each other: were friends.

I don’t remember either of their names. Probably because they never made any effort to speak to me in any proper sense. I don’t think they ever asked me anything conversational – not one question. All they did was play riffs on their electric guitars. And they were terrific guitarists. They were ace instrumentalists, no doubt.

Despite being into heavy metal, neither of them were Led Zeppelin fans. But, because the adults/teachers had to find a song that we would play at the end-of-term gig, they had to settle on a Led Zeppelin song that we all knew, so we could practise it. Which was fine for me. And the lads picked up the riffs quickly and then we were practising and playing the music. And they knew other stuff as well, so we did Lynyrd Skynryd tracks, and so on. We got an okay vibe going on in the rehearsal room. And I would keep trying to speak to them but they just never spoke back, about anything. They just spoke amongst themselves and there was nothing else.

We didn’t have a singer. Ha. So they had to ‘hire’ somebody else from another of the bands, who could sing out the Robert Plant lyrics. And the hired boy also didn’t know Led Zeppelin that well. He hadn’t listened to the tracks so he wasn’t aware of the melody, how to sing it.

And then the three weeks were up and we were set to play this ‘gig’ which was held in this empty high school on the last provincial town outside of Edinburgh.

The song was ‘Communication Breakdown’ by Led Zeppelin. I think there was another one but I don’t remember what song it was.

There were maybe 32 people in the room and most of them were Mums and Dads that had come to the event to watch their kids play. And so we performed the tracks and I drummed okay and the boys played the guitar okay and the singer didn’t sing the right melodies for the numbers. When we finished, there was the smallest trickle of applause that I’d ever heard, up to that point in my life.

The other tiniest trickle of applause came from when I went to a Hibs game a long while back. Hibs were playing some team in the League Cup and it was in the summer and Edinburgh was still half-warm; and we were outside the flanks of the stadium: and this little brass band was performing. Trumpets and drums, etc; they were doing it for a local Leith charity. So they’d been invited by the club to come and play so they could raise money for a local charitable thing.

And they belted out their first number, in an awkward mass-moving place, amidst thousands of people. They ended their piece. And, I was the only person that started clapping. Honestly: I started clapping, thinking that the claps would prompt the other folks to join in with me. But they never did.

You could see in the faces of the musicians that they were upset that they had blasted out that opening piece of music, and there was only one 17 year old boy who applauded them. And yet they simply switched pages on their sheet music and they re-helmed their instruments and started the next piece.

Back in that high school situation, with the end-of-term gig, I remember the pre-text before the performance was set to begin:

The two boys who I was about to start playing with. There was a moment when they randomly got up from me where we were sitting in the auditorium, and just walked away from me without a word, because they wanted to go and speak to some boys who they knew from their school. And, even though there were twenty minutes before we were supposed to go up and perform, they left me on my own.

I saw one of those boys, a long time later, in one of those provincial towns. In a Tesco’s, outside of Loanhead. Late at night I was there for some reason and I saw the boy. And he recognised me. And this spasm of dread and awkwardness fled through his face when he noticed me. I didn’t see much point in saying hello.

But, yeah. That’s what music is often like. Or with ceremonies, on a public scale. Lots of us grow up watching videos of Keith Moon and John Bonham in stadiums filled with thousands of people. And this simply isn’t what it’s like when you’re fifteen years old playing in a high school in a grotty nowhere town outside of Edinburgh.

Such experiences can be valuable, though.

I still listen to The Who, and dig them. Although these days I explore Beethoven’s vast opus. I don’t really engage with music as intensely as I used to. But I always find something different and engaging with Ludwig’s wide array of material.

#writeblr #creative writing #writers on tumblr #real life stories #spilled ink

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coffeebanana · 2 years ago

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from silverrae (ao3)

i was also listening to some sad/soft songs as i read that lyrically made me like omg this is perfect for this fic and i thought i’d share in a separate post in case you don’t feel like publishing it! ok here.

oblivion - bastille

i cant breathe - bea miller

i found (acoustic) - amber run

crosses - josé gonzález

you’re somebody else - flora cash

6/10 - dodie

jesus christ - brand new

glitter in the air - p!nk

you - keaton henson

the scientist - coldplay

listen before i go - billie eilish

[re: say something] omg thank you this is so cool!! love the idea of someone associating my writing with other art forms aaaah

i'm definitely familiar with at least half these songs, and i'm excited to listen to the rest!

"i can't breathe" in particular works SO WELL i can't believe i didn't think of that before and akjsdkjfsb i LOVE "i found". like. the line that goes "if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind" MESSES ME UP IN THE BEST WAY and that works so well for adrien in say something. that idea that you CANNOT logic your way out of some things no matter how hard you try and sometimes going over it too much actually just makes you go a little crazy and aksjfksjb it's gold. (my INTP brain that likes to overanalyze things but cannot ever make a decision vibes so hard with the concept).

gonna be going through this list to add more things to my say something playlist for sure! (it's actually one of only two fics i even HAVE a playlist for--the other being an unpublished wip actually--because normally i get too distracted if i try to pick songs for a fic playlist. like, i overanalyze if the song REALLY encapsulates the fic to a degree where it distracts me from actually writing 😂. so i can really only do it for longer fics that i spend a LOT of time churning around in my head. i'll probably share it when the fic is complete, but i might be able to be bribed to share it sooner if anyone asks ahaha)

thanks so much for this ask!! 💜

#ask response #silverrae #say something #actually might reblog this later with a longer analysis of how 'i found' works so well for this fic because i CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT #like you've done what my english teachers NEVER COULD and made me actually WANT to compare and contrast 2 pieces of writing 😂#(but i need to leave the house rn so akdjfbskj maybe later)

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madame-bavarian-cream · 2 years ago

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AOT characters and music they’d listen to:

feat. Levi, Mikasa, Eren, Jean, Erwin, Hange, Armin, Sasha, Connie

But it’s really specific and not at all based off of people i know 😀 (i never ever do this but it was a thought that wouldnt leave me alone).

Eren:

i’m sorry am I supposed to believe this dumb mf doesn’t listen to only tiktok songs w/o any awareness of him doing it???? He’ll be like “hey have you heard this new song?” 😄😄and its just an edited version of a song made by the neighbourhood years ago 😕 PLSSS sir diversify your tastes!!! he obsessively listened to that “my money don’t jiggle jiggle” song unironically. Before tiktok, he would only listen to music on that Top50 spotify playlists and the only playlists he had saved outside of it was one mikasa made for him. 😐😐 Also he hasn’t listened to the sza album and thinks the big boys song is on it (keep up 😤😤😤)

Levi:

i was so close to just saying he doesn’t listen to anything “why do u need music when you can just appreciate the silence??” BECAUSE SIR music sounds GOOD!!! 🤨🤨this is why i’d think he’d listen to shit like Kaleo?!?!?! 😭😭😭 idek just something that litterally does not evoke a single emotion . its just like . there . He probably might listen to the lumineers on occasion (ik theyre really good don’t come at me🫣🫣) poor bb would probably like heavy metal if somebody ELSE played it for him (he would never admit to it tho) bc its something Kenny used to play when he was younger but never asked him what kind of music it was to search it up himself. 🥺🥺

Mikasa:

my sweet girl. :( she is a fiend!! she is a pinchrest, lana del rey, mitski, rina, bjork, tv girl, marina girly thru and thru🤩🤩(im not pulling this from my spotify i sweAR) shes so deadfaced about it. she shits on all those weird coquette girlies tho!! (as she should queen!!!) Never will admit to listening to it tho, and not because she’s embarrassed but because she doesn’t want anyone thinking she relates to the themes/subject matter (bbg why are you lying🥲🥲) But that’s okay because we can consume art critically! 😁😁😀

Jean:

oh dear god. save this white man pls. 😢😢ok okok he actually has pretty good taste in music. hes the type that argues “i love all kinds of music just not country” (but ya know hes singing along to 9 to 5 everytime it plays on shuffle🤭🤭) he’s also very idgaf with the type of music he listens to and for that reason he’ll put you onto amazing artists!!! I feel like he listens to a lot of Omar Apollo, Sega Bodega, Dominic Fike, idkkk. He also listens to A LOT of Brent Faiyaz, the weeknd, and Gunna.😍😍BUTT I also will die on this hill that he used to love Eminem and would memorize all the lyrics (jeanboy is the real slim shady)😙 i luv him, he burns cds for all his friends (yes eren too) but will hand them off so nonchalantly and will be so careful in making the order of the tracks (yes eren too) and everyone will mock him for being so loving (yes eren too). Anyways I headcanon that jean is very very open with giving out all his love to his friends, always hosting everyone (yes eren too), wears his heart on his sleeves, tells his mom every little detail about them, and has the entire checklist for being a good friend down. anyways this isn’t unfortunately a jean post :( i luv him so much actually. also a big radiohead fan for some reason !😝😝

Hange:

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE!!!!!! hange has the best music taste and nobody expects it . (except me duh because i luv hange so so so so much 🤨) hange listens to what spotify categorizes as escape room music on their spotify wrapped. They listen to Eartheater, arca, bjork, coucou chloe, kilo kish, dorian electra, UGH I JUST CANT NOT ARGUE THIS ENOUGH!!! 👹👹hange’s dragging erwin and levi to the concerts and erwin’s grandpa ass is so enthusiastic for no reason (go white man go 🤠🤠) but like thats not all?? they also listen to artists like sevdaliza, florence, caroline polachek!!! HANGE LOVES WOMEN!!!! 😤FKA TWIGS, iamamiwhoami, kelela, kelsey lu :)))))) i feel like hange just loves :( it started out with trying to annoy levi with the weirdest sounding music ever but it turned out,,,,they really liked this kinda music (thx levi) Now he’s stuck with all their car rides consisting of hange whispering eartheater songs in his ear from the passengers seat right next to his ear. (also obsessed with any song they can gather people to dance along with #justdanceking) 🤞🤞

Erwin:

erwin’s weird. he’s a weirdo. in case ya haven’t noticed. 😭😭 idk why his is so hard to think of??? He’s an unironic Rosalía stan and claims he luvs latina singers!! 😡😡i hate him so much. ok ok ok he’s a mariah carey, whitney houston, beyoncé, fan. He also loves like 2010s girl group music like fifth harmony, little mix, etcetera. 😫He cries to aretha franklin and nina simone. but he also knows the verses to Nicki’s songs :) i love him so much. ❤️

Sasha + Connie:

they listen to the same music idc idc! Bad bunny, playboi carti, the weeknd. Connie went thru a bart simpson vapor wave/juice wrld phase. 😐😐😐He wouldve still been posting about XXXtentacion if Sasha didn’t smack some sense into him 😠😠(everyone say thank you sasha) Sasha also listens to lots of Britney i havta say! also loved the neighbourhood, arctic monkeys, etc growing up. I luv her so much 🤭🤭

Armin:

my sweet darling boy grew up listening to emo rock and goth rock growing up. he hid it from everyone tho! instead he listened it to full blast on his headphones for hours at night and thats why today he says “huh.” 😕after every sentence someone says :/ hes grown out of it now but he still can belt out the lyrics to black parade anyday! went crazy over King for a Day bc Kellin Quinn AND Pierce the Veil?!?!?!😳😳 Now he loves screaming along in eren’s ear! 🤪🤪

#aot #aot headcanons #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyoujin #hcs #eren #levi #mikasa #erwin #sasha aot #connie springer #armin attack on titan #eren jeager headcanons #mikasa ackerman #levi ackerman #sasha braus #attack on titan headcanons

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twinge-of-cosmicangst · 3 years ago

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The Roy Family but as songs by The Smiths

Morrissey would hate this. All the more reason to do it.

Connor- How soon is now? from hatful of hollow

Bit angsty for Connor but it’s the Smiths so? At first this was a pick for Kendall, then when I found a better one for Kendall I listened again to see if it would fit for Shiv, but when listening to it I thought nah, it’s Connor.

I am the son and heir of nothing in particular. I AM THE THE ELDEST SON! lol, this line works for him because he is the eldest son of a very powerful man but it literally doesn’t matter he is still deemed irrelevant by his whole family.

I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does. A very relevant line for Connor, out of all his family he is the one who shows the most affection but rarely ever receives any in return.

Kendall- Still Ill from The Smiths

Yeah this one is pretty depressing, obviously. That joke isn’t funny anymore and I started something I couldn’t finish also work for him. Kendall is extremely Smiths coded.

Roman- Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me from Strangeways, here we come

Sorry.

Cheeky bonus for Roman: The boy with the thorn in his side

Shiv- I know it’s over from The Queen is dead

Ugh Shiv I love you but you are not Smiths coded, that or I just don’t understand Shiv enough brb bout to rewatch Succ for the third time. This song is what I got the most Shiv vibes from after skimming through their entire discography.

I know it’s over, refers to the end of a relationship, I think?? Can you ever be sure with the Smiths? it could be about the death of Morrissey’s pet parrot or something. But for Shiv I’m interpreting that it’s her career at Waystar as well as her parents approval that’s over, I know it’s over, and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real “Is this for real?” When Logan told her he wanted her to be his successor.

But of course, it can, as well, relate to her relationship with Tom, Sad veiled bride, please be happy

Tom- What difference does it make? from The Smiths

My basic ass was actually going to pick, There is light that never goes out, for this bitch, which could of been interpreted with either Tomgreg or Tomshiv whichever tickles your pickle, cause Tommy gives major I would die for you but it’ll be better to die with you vibes, with both of them. Although it works slightly better with Tomgreg because, Oh please don’t drop me home, because its not my home, it’s their home and I’m welcome no more, could reference how he, like Greg, has never truly been a Roy, and how Tom certainly isn’t welcome among the siblings anymore after what he did in 3x9.

Enough about the song I didn’t choose for him and on to the one I did, for while I was searching for a song for Shiv I stumbled across What difference does it make? Which fits Tom so well. Again it can be related to Tom in regards to both Tomshiv and Tomgreg, the song could be interpreted for him in that he would do an awful lot and sacrifice an awful lot for both of them, even though they probably wouldn’t do the same for him, which makes him bitter and unpleasant towards them, yet he still loves them.

Heavy words are so lightly thrown “Because you love me, even though I don’t love you” But still I’d leap in front of a flying bullet for you. This song was made for Tom’s over dramatic ass.

Oh the devil will find work for idle hands to do “Do you want to make a deal with the devil?”

Greg- Half a person from Louder than bombs

This song is apparently a bit of an obscure one, which I wasn’t aware of because I am far from a die hard fan but I’ve known this particular song for quite a while, whereas there are others on this list that I’d never heard of or listened to before. Anyway Half a person is extremely Greg coded but it’s rather hard to explain why, you just have to listen to it, you should anyway as it’s a great song and apparently relatively unknown.

Logan- Barbarianism begins at home from Meat is murder

This song relates to Logan because of the abuse his uncle inflicted on him a Ewan and the abuse he then inflicted on his own children in turn.

A bonus: Unhappy Birthday. This is not really a song for Logan but more of a song to Logan from his kids, but especially from Kendall “Pass me the fucking shotgun” Roy.

#succession #tomshiv #tomgreg #romangerri #the smiths #Connor roy #Kendall Roy #Roman roy #shiv roy #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch #cousin greg #Logan Roy

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igarbagecannoteven · 2 years ago

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okay i’ve listened to 5sos5 a handful of times now so i think i have a general vibe check in my head so! i thought i’d do a track-by-track bc that’s what the Cool Kids™ are doing and i am but another lemming rushing towards the cliff that is the trends of the 5sos side of tumblr. also this got so fucking long so if you read the whole thing you get as many gold stars as you want lol

Easy For You To Say: this is the song that stayed stuck in my head after I listened to the whole album. It’s incredibly catchy and has heaps of good lyrics! Admittedly I don’t really follow the entire narrative but I think that’s more of a me thing than a reflection of the lyrical content. (and i do get most of it! there’s just a few threads i have yet to tie together.) i love the play on words that is “a piece of peace of mind”. sonically it has me bopping my head to the beat basically the whole way through! I think it’s in a good location in terms of the album as a whole

COMPLETE MESS: definitely a single for a reason! it’s one you can shout-sing along to which is always a plus i like the rushing sound leading into the chorus/other different moments, and lyrics-wise i love that it can be read as platonic or romantic love :)) that’s how you know they’re catering to me. also! michael’s part! the way it changes the tonality/meaning and the way you can hear him smiling as he’s singing!! and of course the fact that all of them sing on it!!! we love to see it! my main con is that it’s pretty repetitive lyrically but still i won’t hold it against them. this song makes me want to write a fic that would fit the title “you make me (a) complete (mess)” so badly but alas i have yet to come up with a plot to match its energy

Bad Omens: i LOVE the way this song plays with leaving the “else” off the phrase “you love somebody else” it’s soooo narratively interesting and i would love to see an angsty unhappy ending songfic that utilizes this concept (if anyone wants to write it *eyes emoji*) i like the way it loops very nicely (it fades in and out in the same way which is satisfying) (and possibly a metaphor for the futility of the relationship? but maybe i’m reading into things too much lol) the line “I should have known right there and then you were a runaway” feels like a very 80s lyric (and not just bc it reminds me of runaway by bon jovi lol) i will say i am not as in love with it as everyone else seems to be (idk why it’s the big hit out of the non-singles?) but it’s not bc it’s bad, it’s just probably not going to have me obsess over it

Take My Hand (Joshua Tree Version): if any song deserves to be called vibey it’s this one. i think the musicality and the lyrics really work well together in this song, especially for the verses. there’s an almost melancholy feeling to it and now that i’ve listened to it several times it’s started to resonate with me more and more. like a lot of the songs on the album i’m not sure how often i’ll go out of my way to listen to it, but that’s more bc this album isn’t necessarily in my go-to genre than a measure of the song's individual worth. i feel conflicted about the extension to the song, bc on the one hand behind the scenes-type stuff! the voice note vibes make me soft! But idk if it actually adds anything to the song on its own,, like if i didn’t love the band i don’t think it’d really do too much for me. also what is he saying the background! it doesn’t sound like all the same lyrics! let me hear it!!! omg i forgot to mention the “few more souls on the bus now” line it’s just *chef’s kiss* no notes nearly made me cry when i heard that bit live ngl

Me Myself & I: another banger of a single (that is a bit too repetitive for its own good) it’s catchy it’s fun to sing along to and i honestly don’t have much else to say about it lol

CAROUSEL: the first time i listened to this all I could hear for the first,, minute? at least? was a taylor swift 1989 lost track and i have yet to totally shake that off lol. (see what i did there?) driving metaphors!!!! there is a tiny part of me that’s reminded of u2’s city of blinding lights during the chorus (which is a compliment btw) but that’s just bc i’ve listened to that song way to many times lol. it’s a good song, but i honestly have very few opinions about it other than why is it capitalized?? is it tied to the other capitalized songs somehow??? 5sos tell me what your thought process is!!!

Older: skip! sorry y’all it’s just not my vibe i rarely like piano ballads as it is and i just think that it has several places where they *could* have done something cool and then didn’t. i will say seeing the performance of it in the tofu live show did melt my frosty heart but not enough for me to add this one to my liked songs.

HAZE: idk why it’s titled what it is but it’s a bop! I love the way the vocals swap off; it’s done quite cleverly imo and i think it shows the different strengths of each of their lyrical styles well (if i’m right that the vocals match some of the writing credits) it’s vibey it makes me want to stick my arms and pretend i’m cruising :)) also thematically it’s a little like a dog waiting impatiently by the door bc their person is out and about which i love

You Don’t Go To Parties: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the cashton vocals!!!! the bass!!!! the car metaphor!!!! also the repetition of the number five anyone?? clearly they’re 555sos fans /j also they’re totally referencing the maine in the second verse right guys? guys? but in all seriousness i love how visual the storytelling is! the lyric “racehorse trippin' on the dirt that you got on me” is very !!! especially bc the beat for the verses almost “trips” over itself (although maybe that’s just me reading into things lol) also i am very happy that my opposite vibe-check wish/comment that i made way back when they first dropped the titled kinda came true bc it’s def more of a banger than people were predicting :)) we love to see it. i am ignoring the fact that the title is capitalized incorrectly but telepathically i’m telling them to put their song titles through that capitalization checker next album

BLENDER: !!!!!!!! banger of my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is def my favorite of the singles it’s just *such* a bop i will never listen to this song without remembering bouncing around in the very tiny cabin i was quarantined in at the time this song dropped and honestly i don’t hate it! this song makes me smile every time i hear it i love the line “ricocheting off the bed” even though i’m honestly not sure i’m interpreting it right i love the bassline i love how danceable it is!! i don’t have anything coherent to say lol it’s a bop idk what more you could ask for

Caramel: i don’t have the vocabulary to talk about the instrumentals in this song but it’s a vibe! it’s a song that demands you move your shoulders and i’m lowkey here for it. the harmonies are tasty the chorus is catchy the bridge is mmmmmmmmmmmmmm i’m fascinated by the choices made in the outro but in a positive way? altho i could take or leave the acoustic bit tbh. in a less positive note, we all agree that the only reason it’s named caramel is bc there aren’t a lot of songs named that and they wanted a certain number of one word titles, right? bc unless there’s some deep meaning i’m missing there’s no reason for that to be the title (that being said i’d love to for there to be a secret meaning please tell me 5sos i want the secret caramel knowledge) the other negative of this song is that it’s inevitably going to start a debate over the right way to say caramel (which isn’t the way they say it in the song fyi)

Best Friends: when i first started listening to the album i took a moment to accept the fact that this song could be a love song and that i’d be okay with it and then it was a friendship song and i got to breath a sigh of relief lol. the chorus is wonderful to shout with your bff (this has been tested 😊) it captures this younger feeling compared to the other songs on the album and i vibe with it! the line “life is like a poem written on a bathroom wall” is *such* a good lyric and conjures up such specific images! it’s a banger it’s a song to bounce along to i could see it in a jukebox musical as like the happy triumphant near-the-end song

Bleach: talk about a mood shift! (i think this is the song that reminded me of maisie peters? i’m pretty sure) i love the swapping of the vocals, it does something different in this song than in the previous songs which is fascinating to me! i love the line “everything i was spinning down the drain” it’s just. yeah. it’s a good quiet song for the album; it fits in well and is a good breath in if that makes sense

Red Line: a train song!!! i can’t wait to listen to this on my next train ride y’all don’t even know. it’s got vibes and a cool concept. that being said it’s not a huge standout song on the album, but not through any particular fault of its own; i don’t think it’s going to be one i listen to a ton (other than on public transport lol) i do like how the standard version closes out with the train door sound, it’s fun!

Moodswings: i love how the song makes me sway in play (you could say that i’m almost swinging) (get it? it’s a play on-[gunshot]) i would love to see an apocalyptic take on this song tbh (“through bloodshot eyes the sky is fallin’” anyone?) i think it’d make a deliciously angsty songfic! also love the self-destructive and codependent nature of the lyrics i just think that they portray it well!

Flatline: a bop! it’s a great “first love” love song it’s catchy it’s got some slightly strange lyrical undertones in the pre-chorus that i would love for someone smarter than me to analyze bc otherwise i’m going to coming up with a truly unhinged explanation (and that is a threat) i can def see why it’s a bonus song but still good!

Emotions: i want a proper rock cover of this song so fucking bad please i would pay real people money for it i think i deserve it!! michael’s voice is, of course, *chef’s kiss* i do wish the lyrics weren’t so,, broad? if that makes sense? i think the bridge threw me off lyrically the first time i listened to it bc i was like ‘yeah i get this feeling’ and then the bridge was just. not relatable lol but that’s a me thing (and now part of me’s like ‘are there some sarcastic undertones?’ bc i’m here for it if they are) but yeah i don’t really know how i feel about this song yet i think if i get my hard rock cover then it could be my next favorite song but until then it’s just a sort of vibe ig

Bloodhound: swapping vocals to change the narrative!!!! we love to see it!!!! very tasty bassline the beginning of the chorus makes me giggle a little it’s a funky beat i’d love for it to get a cheesy halloween themed music video the bridge makes me wish i could step dance (is that the right phrasing?) everyone who’s said michael singing “he took an L” is perfect is so correct i am mind melding with you

TEARS!: this songggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you may call me predictable for saying this is one of my favorites but come on. how i could not love this song??? once again the cashton vocals coming in clutch i mean this really is a song for the rhythm section in all the ways! the line “i’ll feel better if i let myself sink deeper” is really going straight for my jugular and i am 100% here for it. it’s such a good exploration of these kinds of depressive states and i just!! hrghhhhhhh also their voices on the last “alive” in each chorus????? SO fuckin tasty i want to eat that one note. the bridge reminds me strongly of something but i can’t think of what it is :(( also ashton’s voice on “fifty rounds of uppercuts i’m bleeding”???? i am going to throw myself into a pit. i understand why they made it a bonus song from a stylistic standpoint but also why. it deserves to be on the main tracklist. it’s got a great mixture of the style of superbloom but make it 5sos and i love that for it! my only complaint is the title like. wtf guys. like yes that is what it sounds like when it’s said in the song but that doesn’t make it title material! but that’s okay i forgive them since it’s such a banger <3

#i wish i'm joking when i say this is longer than the majority of my fics on ao3 lol #sheesh i really to ramble lol #5sos5 #track by track #the trash talks #this might be incomprehensible who knows

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genshin-impact-writings · 4 years ago

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May I request a songfic for Wicked Game for Childe x reader? Like, he's in love with the reader but he keeps pushing them away because he feels like it makes him weak etc. Can have a sad or happy ending, whichever you prefer! ❤️

I'm so, so sorry for the long wait, dear! But I couldn't decide where I wanted to go with this, so I kept working on other requests but it's finally done. I really hope you're still interested in this and like what I came up with. I decided to write a more happy ending because I wasn't in the mood for making it angsty, hope you don't mind that. Anyway, have fun reading and take care! <3

Btw, I listened to this version of the song while I was working on this.

Wicked Game – Tartaglia/Childe x gn!reader

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

The day he had met you was one he would never forget. With nothing more than a single glance and a soft smile you somehow had flipped his whole world upside down, a world he had carefully constructed around himself when he became the Eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers. It was almost funny, really. No one had ever managed to throw him for a loop, not even the strongest enemies he had to face on the battlefield – until he had stumbled upon you on that fateful day in Liyue Harbor. Suddenly, nothing he knew before seemed to make sense anymore. And after a few seconds of staring at you, he realized that he was irretrievably lost.

Lost in the way you smiled at him and the other customers that came to the small tea shop you worked at. Lost in the way your pretty eyes gleamed in the pale light of the moon when he saw you after dark. Lost in the warmth and comfort he always felt when you were around.

And as the time progressed and weeks and months went by, Tartaglia understood that it was more than just a crush. He was so in love with you that it almost hurt him physically.

And yet, he knew that he couldn’t allow himself to feel like that. For someone like him, it was dangerous to care about someone, not only because his enemies would never miss an opportunity to hurt him by hurting the ones he loved but also because feelings like these were nothing more than a distraction, a hindrance that kept him from completely focusing on his missions. Tartaglia couldn’t afford messing up, not when he didn’t want to disappoint the Tsaritsa. After all, he had sworn an oath, an oath to always put her and her interests first, and he couldn’t do that when someone – when you were all he could think of. You were the first person who crossed his mind as soon as he woke up and the last one he saw before drifting off to sleep in the evening. It was wonderful and terrible at the same time, and yet, there was nothing he could do to stop himself from falling deeper in love with you.

It would be smart to avoid you, hoping that these feelings would disappear someday but still, he found himself visiting the little tea shop you worked at every day. It was embarrassing, really, given the fact that he knew absolutely nothing about tea but instead of listening to you as you explained the tea varieties and different ways of preparation, he kept staring at you, taking in your beauty and indulging in the warm, fuzzy feeling that always welled up inside him when the two of you crossed paths.

And the fact that you seemed to like him too didn’t make things easier. It was so hard to pretend that he didn’t care for you, to push you away over and over again, but for the sake of your safety – and to protect his stupid, foolish heart from shattering into a million pieces – he needed to keep you at distance. He needed to be strong, not only for his homeland but also for you – he needed to protect you from himself and from the things he did in the past and would do in the future.

Even if it meant that he would end up alone again.

Even if it meant that he had to break your heart.

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you With you

Tartaglia had started avoiding you one and a half weeks ago, not visiting the tea shop once and heading into the opposite direction as soon as he saw you on the streets, and still his heart started to beat faster when he thought about you or heard someone mention your name. He hated to act like this; he hated to hurt your feelings but what else could he do? You’d be better off without him, as well as he’d be better off without these distracting feelings.

At least, that was what he tried to tell himself.

And it worked surprisingly well – until he bumped into you on your way to work that morning. He hadn’t noticed you at first, or else he would’ve chosen another way to get to Northland Bank, but now it was too late to turn around and leave.

“I’m sorry,” he said, carefully avoiding your gaze as he helped you picking up your belongings that you had dropped. “I didn’t see you.”

Your lips curled into a soft smile. “It’s no big deal,” you replied. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you at the shop for a while.”

“Oh, about that…” He didn’t finish his sentence. It had been foolish to believe that you wouldn’t notice it. One time, you had even called out his name when you saw him near the shop, only to see him fobbing you off with a brief wave of his hand before turning around and leaving without giving you another glance. “Well…”

“You’re probably bored by my rambling about tea, huh?” you guessed, still smiling at him like you were really glad to see him again. “Don’t worry, I’m not offended if you are.”

“No, that’s not – that’s not the case.”

Your eyes were twinkling in amusement, and before he could look away again, he suddenly found himself staring into your eyes, his stupid heart skipping a beat as your smile grew wider. “That’s good to know,” you said softly. “But I was thinking… maybe we could meet up later, I mean, when – when the shop’s closed. You know, like-“

“Like a date,” he finished your sentence, his mouth suddenly so dry that he barely managed to get the words out. No, no, no, this couldn’t be true. How was he supposed to reject you when you asked him for a date, looking at him with his hopeful expression in your eyes? Just how?

“If you don’t want to that’s fine, too,” you mumbled, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

Tartaglia chuckled. “If I don’t want to?” he repeated and shook his head in disbelief. “Oh, (Y/N), I’d love to go out with you.” The words were out before he could stop himself. He knew that it wasn’t right, that he should take it back right now but as soon as he saw the genuine happiness in your eyes, he knew that there was no way back. And, if he was completely honest for a second, he didn’t want that anyways.

“I’ll pick you up at your house at – um, let’s say, tomorrow at 8?”

“Perfect.”

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

He didn’t show up.

Once again, you darted a nervous glance at the clock above the table, probably for the millionth time today. It was already half past 9 and Tartaglia was nowhere to be seen. An hour ago, you had tried to calm yourself down by telling yourself that he would be here any second now, that he was held up by someone or something but now, it was hard to think positive.

With a quiet sigh, you plunked yourself down on the couch. Tartaglia had stood you up, and it was stupid to deceive yourself by trying to tell you otherwise. He obviously had no interest in going out with you, it was easy as that. Perhaps he had only agreed in the first place because he didn’t know how to tell you No, or maybe he had fun going around and making others feel absolutely miserable.

You didn’t know, and you didn’t care.

No, that was actually a lie. You cared. You wanted to know what was wrong, why he wasn’t here with you right now and why he had started to act like you weren’t even friends anymore about two weeks ago. Overnight, he had changed his behavior completely, starting with not visiting the tea shop anymore through to blatantly ignoring you whenever your paths crossed. But no matter how hard you tried to make sense of it, you simply didn’t understand it.

And the fact that he invited you on a date, only to stand you up, confused you even more. His behavior made no sense at all, whichever way you looked at it.

You sighed again. In the beginning, your relationship had been so easy. You never had any trouble understanding him and you had always assumed that he liked to spend time with you. Heck, for a while you had even thought that he returned the feelings you had for him.

But apparently, he didn’t.

You buried your face in your hands, trying to fight back the tears that were welling up in your eyes. What kind of game was he playing? Did he even realize how much his behavior hurt you?

And I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you

“You! Stop right there!”

Tartaglia froze as he heard your angry voice. For a brief moment, he considered acting like he hadn’t heard you and just walk on by but deep down, he knew that he owed you an apology and an explanation why he hadn’t shown up to your date almost one week ago. The truth was that he really had wanted to go out with you – but at the same time, he had seen the opportunity to make you hate him by standing you up which would hopefully help him to get over you.

So much for that, he thought to himself as he slowly turned around to you. You were staring at him, your eyes filled with pent-up anger. “I was convinced you’d ignore me again,” you said, arms akimbo. “But it seems you’ve finally gathered the courage to talk to me after you skipped out on me last week.”

“Yeah, about that-“

“Stop,” you interrupted him. “I don’t want to hear your half-assed apologies. I just want you to listen to what I have to say.”

He pressed his lips together and nodded. In all this time he had never seen you so angry and it was obvious that you were about to release a tirade but he knew very well that he deserved it. He deserved that you didn’t even give him the change to explain himself.

You huffed at the contrite expression on his face. “I’m not going to fall for that,” you warned him. “So don’t even try.”

Tartaglia nodded again, still not saying anything, just as you had told him.

“Great. Listen, I really don’t want to steal your precious time,” you replied in an undertone of utter sarcasm, “I just want to understand what’s going on. We’re friends, aren’t we? Damn, my silly self even thought that we could be more than that for a second but that’s not – that’s not the point now. I only want to know why you treat me like I am not in the least important to you all of a sudden.”

When he didn’t reply anything, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Hello? Haven’t you got a tongue in your head?”

“I don’t know what you want to hear, (Y/N).”

“The truth, Tartaglia,” you stated simply. “I don’t need any apologies or justifications. Just the truth.”

Tartaglia shook his head. There was no way he could tell you the truth because then, he’d have to explain why he was so afraid of falling love, why he was so afraid of being weak. This was none of your business; it was his burden, not yours. You shouldn’t even worry about things like that; you should be in your shop, happily smiling at customers instead of wasting your time with someone like him.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you said when the silence between the two of you became unbearable, your voice shaking ever so slightly. “If you don’t want to be with me, just tell me. I can take it. But stop acting like you care, only to ignore me the day after! Stop pushing me around like that.”

Tartaglia was painfully aware of the fact that you were on the verge of tears. Everything about your posture told him that you were about to lose your composure, and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say something. He knew that he had treated you like garbage, that he had hurt your feelings over and over again but what was he supposed to do now? There was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to turn back time and wipe the slate clean.

“I’m sorry,” he finally whispered, completely helpless, while you stood there with hanging shoulders as tears started to stream down your beautiful face. “I’m so sorry.”

“I should’ve known better,” you sobbed. “I should’ve known better than to fall in love with someone like you!”

In that moment, he felt his protective instinct kick in. It didn’t matter that he had promised himself to stay away from you or that he was the reason for your tears. All he wanted now was to comfort you, to reassure you that everything would be fine again.

In an instant, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his body, his hands gently caressing your back as you buried your face in his chest. “Don’t cry,” he mumbled, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “Please, darling, don’t cry.”

He held you close, uttering apology after apology and patiently waiting for you to calm down. When you finally pulled away, your eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. Your lower lip was trembling, almost as if you were trying to fight back even more tears. “I hate you.”

“I know,” Tartaglia replied softly and reached out to brush a strand of hair from your forehead. “I deserve that.”

“I don’t really hate you,” you whispered.

“I know,” he repeated and cupped your face with both hands, gently wiping away the tears on your cheeks before he leaned in and brushed his lips against yours in a soft, almost chaste kiss. It didn’t last long, and yet it was enough to make him realize that being in love with you didn’t make him weak. It made him strong.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.

#tartaglia x reader #childe x reader #genshin x reader #childe genshin x reader #tartaglia genshin imagine #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #gn!reader #gender neutral reader #tartaglia x gn!reader #childe x gn!reader #reader insert #songfic

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tyongvc · 4 years ago

Text

– enough for you ; l.jn ; 0.8k

[!] insecure reader, toxic relationship, language? (one time), focus is more on the (unnamed) ex

listen to enough for you by olivia rodrigo here (spotify) or here (youtube) !

and i knew how you took your coffee and your favorite songs by heart

“here’s your coffee”, you smiled at your boyfriend. he eyed you – was it doubt in his eyes? – and finally took the cup out of your hand. he slowly took a sip from the hot drink, his eyebrows raising when he was satisfied with the taste.

“it’s perfect. thanks”, he thanked you before focusing on his screen once again – he was probably just studying for some of his finals, you thought.

“sure”, you replied with a light smile before you made yourself comfortable next to him on his bed. “are you studying?” his reply was just a simple hum; he didn’t even bother replying properly.

“alright, i should leave you alone then.”

his forced smile when you placed a light kiss on his lips went unnoticed to your innocent and blind self.

when you finally met him again the next day, you were listening to his playlist. he forced up a smile when he saw you listen to his current favorite song – once again, the way he was forcing himself to be there with you, went unnoticed.

tried so hard to be everything you liked just for you to say you’re not the compliment type.

i knew from the start this is exactly how you’d leave you found someone more exciting, the next second, you were gone and you left me there cryin’, wonderin’ what i did wrong and you always say i’m never satisfied, but i don’t think that’s true.

almost a whole month.

that much time had passed since you last had seen your boyfriend. and when day twenty-nine came; when you were sitting at coffeebay, drinking your favorite drink there, you received a text.

“i’m breaking up. i found someone else.”

you couldn’t believe what you were reading there – he really just broke up with you over text? he didn’t even do it personally? had he been cheating on you all this time?

a small part of you already had been fearing something like this. you just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

there were so many questions in your head that you started to feel dizzy and you didn’t even notice the tears rolling down your cheeks on your shirt.

“hey, are you alright? i… i’m sorry for bothering, i just saw you crying here and wanted to ask”, a young male had approached you. you quickly wiped your tears away and looked up with a forced smile.

“uh, not really, if i’m honest”, you replied, sipping from your drink quickly. “my boyfriend just broke up with me over text.”

you could have slapped yourself for that. why would you say that a complete stranger? you didn’t even know the boy’s name – neither did he know yours. “i’m sorry to hear that”, the male replied. “mind if i sit?”

i’d say you broke my heart, but you broke much more than that now i don’t want your sympathy, i just want myself back

that was how you met jeno. quickly becoming close friends with the male, you told him about your previous relationship.

“you are aware that he was absolutely toxic?”

these words made you think. had he been so toxic and you just never noticed it? had you been that blind to notice how poorly he had treated you?

that was the moment you understood that you had been trying to be someone you weren’t. you tried to be someone who he would definitely like, however, that was not you.

it was the moment you decided to become your old self again. to work on your insecurities and try to better yourself. with jeno helping you, it was very quick for you to feel a lot more comfortable and confident in yourself.

jeno was around you often. he would take you out, make you laugh and smile during all the time you spent together. you were finally yourself again – truly happy.

but don’t tell me you’re sorry, boy, feel sorry for yourself ‘cause someday i’ll be everything to somebody else and they’ll think that i am so exciting, and you’ll be the one crying

“hey, uhm, sorry. i just… wanted to apologize for the way i have treated you. i miss you a lot. can we, uh… try again?”

you chuckled when you listened to the voicemail – quite surprised to see that he had called you. you didn’t reply.

that happened a few times during the next few weeks. he would call you; you would ignore his calls and listen to his voicemail messages later.

one day, jeno asked you, if you wanted to be his girlfriend. you had to admit, you were absolutely happy that he asked you out, however, there were some doubts that it would just end up like before – jeno would find someone better and leave you all alone. the male did manage to make you feel loved, more than you ever had felt before.

finally, you took out your phone and wrote one single message.

all i wanted was to be enough for you. fuck u :)

you smiled at jeno, your boyfriend, when you finally sent the one message you had been waiting ages to send.

i’d love to see some feedback on this as it has been a while since i really wrote something longer than just a small blurb! thanks!

#nct #nct fanfiction #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst #lee jeno #jeno fluff #jeno smut #jeno angst #jeno fanfiction #nct imagines #nct scenarios #— writings !!

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d-criss-news · 3 years ago

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The Glee star and Emmy winner for The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, Darren Criss, 34, will be releasing his first album of Christmas songs, titled A Very Darren Crissmas (October 8). It includes duets with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and an original song, “Drunk on Christmas,” featuring Lainey Wilson.

What was your goal with this Christmas album?

To reintroduce familiar songs in a new way. But I also wanted to take lesser-known songs and make those feel more familiar. And, most importantly, I wanted to take songs that people don’t associate with Christmas but I do—like Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”—and try to make them feel like Christmas songs.

What inspired you to write “Drunk on Christmas”?

It’s about the end of Christmas when everything’s been done. There’s wrapping on the floor, you’ve cleaned things, the in-laws have left and there’s nothing else to do. It’s two people having a sit-on-the couch moment, sipping a glass of cocoa with some SoCo [Southern Comfort] in it.

What is it about Christmas music? Why did you want to do the Christmas album?

Christmas or the holiday season is something that, whether we like it or not, we experience every year, and that comes with a litany of wonderful songs and music that again, whether you have been proactive about listening to it or not, it’s pretty hard to avoid. It’s permeated our cultural consciousness for our entire lives. So if you happen to be someone like me who consumes music at a hyperactive level, I’ve always adored Christmas music.

People say this because of the way that it makes them feel and the things that it reminds them of. There are so many layers to why people enjoy Christmas music. It’s nostalgic, it is very romantic, at least in the true dictionary meaning of the word romantic. And to me, I’ve always loved it for a much more anthropological reason, which is for one month or several weeks out of the year we suddenly subscribe to a certain sentiment that the other 11 we don’t really dial into. We want it all, then we want it to just go away.

What makes Christmas songs different?

As a musician I’ve always loved that Christmas music can employ certain musical elements that otherwise aren’t very popular. To me, it’s incredible that without a doubt the estates of many artists are guaranteed placement on the radio even though many of them have been deceased for many years. The pop charts are dominated by whatever contemporary, awesome artists there are nowadays, but in December you can guarantee that Burl Ives and Dean Martin will be on the radio with the best of them. I find that so charming. It’s because people really, really love this music.

And those songs don’t sound like the sounds that we’re hearing on the radio, sonically, harmonically, rhythmically. They employ a lot of “classic” sounds that evoke the feeling of Christmas. I’m a self-proclaimed genrephile—this is a term I use for myself throughout all the stuff that I do. I can’t help but be so enchanted by this idea that artists have license, and by license I mean an excuse to do things that you ordinarily wouldn’t be encouraged to do, or that audiences wouldn’t necessarily be as quick to absorb.

So, when you’re talking about classic Christmas writing, for lack of a better word, you use clichéd Christmas terminology, you use certain chords, and harmonies, and instrumentations that you just wouldn’t do throughout the year. It leans on the slightly more sophisticated, slightly more musical, and that is really exciting for someone like me.

How much does the fact that your last name is Criss play into this?

If you play music and your last name is Criss, every year someone says, “You know what you should do?” as if they’re the first person who’s ever thought of this idea. So I’ve always wanted to do this; it was just a matter of time. And I also didn’t want it to be phoned in, I didn’t want it to seem like, “Oh, here’s some songs that you know already.”

I wrote this in my liner notes that my favorite thing to do with art, but particularly music, is curate, interpolate, create and personalize. That’s my main thing. I’m an OK singer, I’m an OK musician, but what I really think I have a yen for is trying to interpolate something new that people didn’t know before.

If you think about a song like “Jingle Bells,” it was not written for Christmas. It was a song from 200-something years ago that bears no mention of Christmas whatsoever, but we associate it so heavily with Christmas. Lately I hear Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” come up on Christmas playlists. I think it must have something to do with the Christian angle of the song and the reverence of the word “hallelujah,” but there’s no mention of Christmas.

So there’s a lot of different things that can make people feel like Christmas if you arrange it a certain way, and that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted this cocktail of songs that people didn’t know and I might be able to introduce to them in a really new, interesting way.

You duet with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and Lainey Wilson. These people couldn’t be more different. How did you select your song partners for this?

Honestly, people are busy, so I leaned on friends of mine. The album is called A Very Darren Crissmas, and I wanted to make it just that. Songs that are very, very me, doing things that are very me, and using the talents of people who are legitimately in my life. Adam has been a pal for a long time. We’ve known each other from just adventures in Hollywood, but he, of course, was on Glee with me. Evan Rachel is a dear pal of mine; we’ve done some things together. She’s played my festival, and I’ve done comedy sketches with her and stuff. These are all extraordinarily talented singers. As I told them when I asked them to be a part of it, “I’d be very lucky to have you on this record.”

I had not met Lainey Wilson before I started this. But when you’re in Nashville, you are in the Olympic tent of USDA certified prime country singers. And that’s a bit of a blind spot for me as far as who’s on the up and up, who’s somebody that can really give a level of authenticity, legitimacy to a more classic ’50s Nashville sound, which is the song that I wrote called “Drunk on Christmas.” My producer Ron Fair, who has been living in Nashville for a while, suggested Lainey and we got on like a house on fire. She’s an extraordinary talent and I was happy to have her. These were all people that were part of this grassroots friend to friend thing. That’s how I got them and I’m very lucky that they’re on the record.

There are hundreds of Christmas songs. How did you choose what to include?

Choosing was extremely hard. I had a list of about 100 songs. I’m not done; this record is only phase one in my mind. There are so many songs that it will make your head spin. If you go, “Did you think about this song?” The answer is yes, and I absolutely had to deliberate which ones I had to triage out of the sequence.

I even said no to “The Christmas Song,” which is on the album. I didn’t want to do it because I was like, “Everybody knows it; it’s perfect by Nat King Cole,” and Mel Tormé [who wrote it] is one of my favorite artists of all time, much less songwriters and musicians. So I was like, “I don’t want to have to do that.” And on the day when we were there, we just had a guitar and said, “Let’s just do it for fun,” because I love singing that song. But I was like, “It’s been done perfectly too many times, I really don’t want to have to put myself up against that.” But we had a nice take, it’s live in the room. And hey, come on, it’s Christmas. So I left it on there.

If we were to come to your house during the holidays, what would you be listening to?

I’d probably sit you down and play you my favorite songs that you’ve never heard that I think are great Christmas songs. But what’s nice is I’ve now put those songs on this album, hopefully, in a perhaps delusional effort to standardize these songs in the Christmas pantheon. There has to be an air of delusion to being an artist in the first place. If one of these songs that no one’s ever heard before catches on with a family or a person and becomes part of their Christmas playlist every year, then I will have succeeded in my efforts.

What did the Emmy you won for The Assassination of Gianni Versace do for your career?

Although the Emmy has just my name on it, the number one thing that I’m most proud of is it’s more symbolic and representative of the work of the whole team. It is a validation and celebration of the really hard work of people that I spent a lot of time and energy with creating this role.

You have a couple voice roles coming up—in Trese and Yasuke—but what are we going to see you in next, not just hear you?

I don’t know. Let me know if there’s any opportunities. A huge reason for why this album was made was because I had the time. Making records takes a lot of time, and I’m envious of people who are just singers. I don’t know how people do that, that’s just not who I am. I’m a producer, I’m a writer, I’m a musician. It takes so much out of me to make a body of music because someone doesn’t say, “OK, here are the songs, show up on a Tuesday, you sing it and then you leave.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some of my favorite artists can do that and are blessed enough to be able to just do that. I can’t.

It takes so much time for me to really get in the weeds, arrange, edit vocals, edit instrumentation, mix tracks, really getting in the jungle of music production. I can’t function any other way and that takes an extraordinary amount of time. Even when there was a global pandemic, I still had deadlines that we could barely make to finish this album because that’s just how my brain works.

So I haven’t been able to act. I haven’t had an acting job in almost two years. That’s not entirely true. I’ve had little bit things during the pandemic, but no big series or films or anything like that. It’s just been mostly working from home and being as proactive as I can be. I started a weekly podcast with a friend of mine, I put out an EP. I’ve been extremely busy with high output and low visibility. I’m waiting for the next thing, but I’m not one to sit still. If you give me time, I’m going to fill all the spaces out. So I did that with music this past two years.

Are you going to go back to Broadway now that it’s opening again?

I don’t want to say anything that is not perhaps confirmed 100 percent, but I will say with full confidence that I have always had the intention of going back exactly where we started. I’ll let them announce what’s happening because every show is in its own unique holding pattern. But, yes, right before the shutdown I was doing American Buffalo in New York, and talk about the actor’s dream, that is right up there. Doing a great American play that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve had a long history with that show, and I finally get to do it for real with two of my favorite actors—Sam Rockwell and Laurence Fishburne. They are two acting heroes of mine.

So I was in rehearsals for that. We were about to go into tech, and things got shut down. But we’re in a very fortunate position where you’ve got two huge movie stars, you have a very well-known play and you have a fixed set and just three guys. There are musicals that have orchestras, big choruses and huge set pieces, and the overhead and upkeep of these productions is quite complicated. And a lot of them, for that reason, fell by the wayside during the pandemic, and it’s an awful tragedy. But our set and our billboard and our posters are exactly where we left them. It’s kind of a trip. If you go to Circle in the Square, I keep telling people it’s the longest I’ve ever been on Broadway because it’s just sitting there dormant, waiting to be resurrected.

I think all of us are planning on going back. I think the show is scheduled to reopen almost to the day that it was supposed to open in 2020. We’ll see how the schedule ends up, but you have three guys whose heart and soul is the theater. I don’t want to speak for the other two guys, but I’m almost positive that all three of us would rather be doing that play on Broadway than anything else. So when I say I haven’t had an acting gig in two years, it’s been a comfort to know that that was waiting for me on the other end. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to do it. We’ll have to make sure that everything is hunky-dory with theater audiences, et cetera, et cetera, but that’s the idea.

How did Ryan Murphy casting you in Glee change your life?

I said during my Emmy speech that actors are only as good as the moments they get. I used to say actors are only as good as the parts they get. Take that with a huge grain of salt, obviously, it’s not entirely true. But in context of that moment, certainly you can understand what I meant. Acting is a proactive craft, but in many respects it’s a passive career, where you have to hope and wait for a benefactor, a patron, a supporter to say, “OK, all right, kid, you’re up. I think you can do it.”

I think any artist’s life is a constant compromise between knowing what you can do and what you want to do, and having other people, audiences and creative authorities alike, have an idea of what you can do. You have to have that balance of somewhere in the middle, where hopefully you can rise to an occasion that you know you can do, that somebody’s going to give you the opportunity to do. But you’re not in control of that relationship, and so you have to sit and hope and pray that someone is going to give you that moment and that opportunity. That was something that I’m fully indebted to with Ryan.

Because he did say, “All right, kid, you’re up,” and gave me that shot. We talked about the The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story series for years before we did it. I didn’t think he was ever going to do it. By the time we started shooting, he probably mentioned it to me three or four years prior. And I kept asking about it like, “Hey, you still want to do this thing?” I think he was just always obsessed with the fact that I was half Filipino and that I bore a certain resemblance to the guy. Age and everything, it seems pretty spot-on. But he was a man of his word, and he really did end up making it. So I’m incredibly indebted to him and I’ve always been very effusive about that.

Now that you have this modicum of fame, what would you like to use it to accomplish?

For me, there are so many things that I love in this world that I don’t think other people are familiar with. One of the things about having a modicum of a platform is hopefully embracing that to use it as a gateway drug for stuff that people might not be familiar with. I don’t know if they’re going to like it as much as I do, but I’m looking at this track list and there are songs that I guarantee that you don’t know.

These are all things where I go, “OK, I have this moment of people’s attention, hopefully, this is a fun way to have them have eyes on something that I think is deserving of eyes, and not because of me, but because of other people who have made something amazing.” And, hopefully, they have the same proactive curiosity that I had growing up where I look at the liner notes and see who wrote the songs and where they came from. But we’ll see. We’ll see if people have that reaction.

You’ve accomplished so much. What’s the dream going forward?

The dream is to keep doing me, really. I think all you can do is be as true to yourself and try and do as accessible and as valuable work as you can. And, hopefully, in so doing, represent people, giving them visibility and encouragement towards their own place in the cultural conversation.

#darren criss #parade magazine #a very darren crissmas #press #oct 2021

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so-writing · 4 years ago

Text

Sugar, Honey, Ice and Tea - Matthew Tkachuk (5)

all parts in the master list

Note: ‘Someday We’ll Know’ by New Radicals is the song for this part so I recommend listening it while you read, and also regularly because it is a beautiful song - also editing is trash once again because I just write and post like a maniac would

The pounding headache you’d woken up with hours ago had now reduced itself to a dull ache behind your eyebrows. It was enough to distract you from the arm wrapped around your waist but not enough to ignore the hard member pressed against the small of your back.

You knew who was laying behind you and while you knew it was a perfectly natural thing, you felt shock due to the fact the Matthew Tkachuk was sporting wood while cuddled up with your body.

His breathing was irregular and his heart was beating fast. You could tell because his face was crushed into your neck and his chest was pressed against your back.

He was awake.

You had to unwrap yourself from his body without giving him any indication that you knew about his ‘situation.’

“Fuck, I really need to pee!”

She hurried out of the bed and booked it to the bathroom at such a breakneck speed that Matthew was sure he’d gotten away with it.

He rolled onto his stomach and willed his boner away. This was not the time or place for anything sexual.

Matthew heard the sound of the shower turn on, sighing in relief that she was beginning her day and was probably completely unaware of what had just taken place.

He sighed heavily and, remembering that there was no game and an evening practice, went back to sleep.

“Nope,” you muttered to yourself as the hot water ran down your chest, “this is not a thing I should be feeling. Absolutely fucking not.”

You couldn’t get the feeling of Matthew’s body pressed against yours out of your head and it was annoying because you knew better.

The civility between the two of you was just blossoming and the last thing you needed was to think about his naked body while the two of you tiptoed around each other masquerading as friends for everyone else’s sake.

No, it wasn’t a thing. You wouldn’t let it be. You weren’t attracted to him, there was no way you could be. Up until a day or two ago, he wasn’t even nice to you. You weren’t into assholes, and there was no doubt in your mind that Matthew was an asshole.

While you were on it, what the fuck was with the shit he’d said last night? He wanted to cuddle with you, when twenty-four hours prior he had you sleeping alone on the floor?

Sure, he’d been drunk but still, it didn’t make any fucking sense. As far as you knew, you were not Matthew’s type and didn’t think even drunk him would have any interest in touching you.

You chalked it up to just another reason you could say he was an asshole decided to read anything into it.

The once hot water was now barely room temperature by the time you’d worked through your thoughts and you almost finished your shower until another thing, not from the night before, came to mind.

‘You ought to get dressed though, you’ve got goosebumps like all over your body.’

‘All over your body.’

Why was he looking so closely in the first place?

Matthew knocked on the bathroom door to make sure he was completely alone, though hours had gone by and there was no way she was still in the shower.

The lack of response from the other side of the door made had him smiling as he entered to brush his teeth and take his own shower.

He noted the few products that weren’t his sitting on the shower shelf. Picking up one of the bottles and rolling it in his hand he wondered out loud, “Lord of Misrule? What the fuck is Lush?”

Matthew was a 3-in-1 type of guy. Fancy bath products didn’t do it for him, what was the point? That didn’t stop him from using it anyway.

Thinking about the previous night, the earliest thing he could clearly recall was taking his first round of shots. Everything else was a mess of fragmented memories but he knew that he wouldn’t have initiated such closeness between the two of them. He barely liked her, hell, he barely even knew her (not like that had stopped him before) but he wouldn’t mess around with somebody on staff, even he had his limits.

He didn’t think she liked him either but he knew he didn’t pull her into him, so that meant she was the one that started it.

“Maybe she’s been cold to me because she’s into me and she can’t do anything about it,” he mused and squirted more shower gel into his hand, “that’s got to be it.”

You went about your day as normally as you could, opting not to watch practice because you weren’t ready to see Matthew after this morning’s debacle.

It wasn’t until about 10 in the evening that you decided it was time to leave the arena and head back to the hotel. You’d been working slow, forcing the time to pass but you were tired and knew you’d have to face him eventually.

Only tonight and tomorrow were left until the Flames would be heading back home and you could resume sleeping alone in the comfort of your own home.

You hoped Matthew would be sleeping when you got back, but much to your disappointment, he was sitting up in bed with his face in his phone and AirPods in his ears.

“Where have you been? It’s really late.”

“Had work to do,” you mumbled as you grabbed your pajamas and headed into the bathroom to change.

You changed, brushed your teeth and washed your face at a glacial pace. Twenty-five minutes had to have passed when you exited the bathroom and sat down on your side of the bed.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about and I think it might be a kind of touchy subject, but we should address it.”

Oh god, what was he talking about?

“Uh, ok, what’s up?”

“Look, I know it’s probably hard for you to be around me, feeling the way you do and all, but it doesn’t have to be weird.”

Feeling the way you feel? What the fuck did that mean?

“What are you talking about?”

“I figured out why last night happened and why you’ve been so cold to me all this time. You like me.”

The fuck?!

The little smirk resting on his lips was begging to be slapped off. You had never given him any indication that you were interested in him at all. Until this morning, you thought nothing positive about Matthew Tkachuk and those few positive thoughts were strictly physical. Yeah, he was definitely an asshole.

“I, the opposite of like you, Matthew. When have I ever given you the green light that I might be interested? We don’t even fucking look at each other most of the time. This roadie is the most we’ve ever even talked to each other. What makes you think I would want someone like you?”

“You clearly cuddled with me all night, that’s what makes me think you would ‘want someone like me!’ I would never be the one to pull the trigger when it came to getting close to someone like you.”

“You don’t remember last night, do you?”

“Most of it is a blur, yes, but that-“

“You came in hammered drunk and told me you wanted to hold me and then we went to sleep,” you cut him off. “Don’t think I didn’t feel your fucking dick shoved into my back this morning. You started this, Matthew. I don’t feel any ounce of attraction, physically or emotionally, to you at all.”

It wasn’t entirely the truth but you were pissed. How fucking arrogant was he that he thought you had feelings for him when he was the one making the first move by coming back for a drunk cuddle?

His face was beat red, “that can’t be true, I wouldn’t do that.”

“Well, you did and I stupidly let you for whatever fucking reason. I should’ve forced you to go to sleep and spent another night on the floor.”

He didn’t respond, instead focusing all his attention on the corner of the blanket he was kneading between his fingers.

“This is hopeless, Matthew. You and I are just two people who will never get along. Our personalities don’t mesh at all and that’s fine. We need to go to sleep though, two games two days in a row is going to be a bitch.”

Flicking off the light, neither of you bothered to say goodnight as you both stayed on your respective edges of the bed, putting as much space between you as possible.

---

Your respective alarms went off within fifteen minutes of each other, and like robots, you both got prepared for the day ahead without a word to one another. You both left for team breakfast at the same time, you heading in the direction of the staff and Matthew going off to join the players.

“So how’s it going with Tkachuk?”

“I mean, it could obviously be better. He’s making it pretty fucking hard for me to continue liking this job.”

“I have tea,” one of the newer assistants spoke up, “if you’re interested.”

“About me?”

“Yep, about you and concerning Tkachuk. Only if you’re interested though,” I smile played at her lips and you could tell she was dying to spill whatever secrets she was keeping.

“Hit me with it.”

“I was asked to go out with the group of guys the other night to make sure no one got in too much trouble, so I was there for everything that happened and while I know that he was very drunk when he shouted it across the bar,” she leaned in and the rest of you mimicked her action, “he doesn’t hate you at all. He’s actually pretty fucking interested in getting to know you in a much more intimate setting.”

“Bullshit.”

“He said it, I swear!”

“I believe he said it, but he was drunk and when he came back to the hotel room and insisted on cuddling until we fell asleep, he was drunk then too.”

“Wait, what?!”

Several people started talking at once, asking you questions and making assumptions.

“Nothing happened,” you raised your voice a little to silence them, “honestly. I’d never, especially not with him. I had also been drinking wine too so my guard was down but it was stupid and he acted even more idiotic about it the next morning.”

You recounted what you could remember of the other night and yesterday morning when he claimed you were the one to make the first move because you ‘liked’ him. It was probably something that should’ve stayed private, but if Matthew was going to say what he did at the bar, drunk or not, and blame everything on you, you figured you’d share your side of the story.

“One more night with your best friend and then you’re home free, Chuky.”

“I absolutely cannot wait, and the next time there’s an issue with the rooms and she ends up as my bedmate, one of you will be fucking trading with me.”

“I don’t know, man,” Gio clapped him on the shoulder, “I love a good, slow burning love story and this one has been incredibly entertaining.”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re kind of into her, I can tell.”

“I am not into her. Not even a tiny fucking bit, man. Don’t spread that shit around.”

“Why? You don’t want her to find out?”

“There’s nothing to find out. I’m not into her.”

“Ok, man, don’t get so defensive. You’re not into her.”

“Yeah, you definitely can’t stand her,” Noah Hanifin piped up, “that’s why you told the whole bar you’d fuck her into the shitty hotel mattress if she’d give you the chance!”

“Don’t fucking lie man, I didn’t say that.”

“You did, but I’ll let you pretend like it was a drunken moment and not repressed pining.”

“Shut up, all of you, if you want me to get my shit together on the ice, you should stop bringing her up.”

It was petty and every one of them knew it but they didn’t want to frazzle Matt even more than he already was, so the subject was quickly dropped.

The Flames won in a 4-0 shutout.

Game Two was a complete success and instead of the players going out on their own, a bar was rented out and everyone was in attendance.

Ignoring Matthew was pretty easy at first. He scored one of the goals so plenty of the other guys were on him but as the night went on and the booze continued to flow, he found you.

“Hey,” he slurred slightly, “sorry about this morning and last night. I was wrong to assume, you know what they say when you assume.”

You were pleasantly tipsy and not entirely bothered by his presence at the current moment, so you humored him.

“No, what do they say?”

“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.”

“You mean when you assume, because I made no assumptions but you certainly did.”

“Yeah, I did. I’m sorry.”

There was something about the way he was looking at you at that moment, coupled with the song playing over the speakers at the bar that had you feeling some sort of way.

‘Someday we’ll know if love can move mountain.

Someday we’ll know why the sky is blue.

Someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you.’

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t do this tomorrow,” you placed your hands on his shoulders and leaned up on your toes to press your lips against his.

#Matthew Tkachuk #Matthew Tkachuk imagine #nhl imagine

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