#if this post fails i’m throwing in the towel

[cabbagegunk]

did a haunted portrait of my dog as her eyes hold the soul of a tragically deceased lighthouse keeper

[madwomansapologist]

──────〃✰ KINKTOBER DAY 5: 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐓

title: a small favor synopsis: a movie night turned into you being a good girl for your older sister. if only she had warned you of what it truly meant. [1.1K] cw: t!karlach, plus size!reader, incest, lil sis/big sis, dub con, gaslighting, obssessive behavior, apologetic, spit, dry humping, pussyjob, premature ejaculation.

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Your smile oscillated at the lack of Karlach’s laughter. Lifting your torso from the couch, weight supported by your elbows, you searched for her burning eyes. “Are you being serious?”

Sitting at the end of the couch with your feet resting on her lap, Karlach continued to simply face the television. It’s been a while since you stopped paying attention to it, boredom lulling you into a fragile slumber. Maybe you misheard her, maybe you were half-dreaming and just imagined it all.

“It would help”, Karlach said, showing how wrong you were. “More than anything else.”

Dropping your head behind, your nape burned. Blurred shapes appeared on your vision as the lamp burned your eyes. “I… but won’t it be weird?”

Her tail wrapped around your ankle. A soft caress that never failed to bring you comfort. “C’mon, gorgeous”, Karlach smiled. The hold on your ankle became tighter. “It’s you and me. You don’t need to worry your pretty head when I’m around.”

“I know,” you murmured. Sitting, you felt as the strap of your nightgown slid down your shoulder. “I just never heard of something like that before.”

Karlach held the strap with her index finger, placing it back into the right place. Her claw stroked lightly the skin of your shoulder. So cold. “I’ll do everything”, she whispered. “All you need is to turn around and wait.”

You sighed. Karlach has never been anything but amazing to you. And when the girl you love the most in the entire world tells you she’s in pain and there’s something you can do to help, of course you agree. It can be weird and it makes you worry because she told you it needs to be a secret, but you agree either way.

Kneeling on the couch, feet hanging from the cushioned seat, you placed your head over the pillow back. Raising your hips, you tried to face Karlach. “Like that?”

Karlach got up from the couch, thanking entire pantheons of gods for her legs to still work. Behind you, her fingers played with the hew of your nightgown. She lifted the fabric, your legs closing as you got exposed.

At the moment, Karlach could combust in shame and lust.

Being a sinner is easier when you’re unaware of god’s rules. After you discover the rotten nature of your actions, nothing can make you forget that lesson. It takes innate talent to be such a good liar you manage to fool yourself.

A lifetime ago, Karlach didn’t knew what shame felt like. Back then, she didn’t collect hidden diaries and secret desires. Talking in her sleep wasn’t something to fear. Her conscience wasn’t consistently telling her just behave.

Holding your hand when crossing the street. Cleaning the warm traces of tears with her thumbs. Her tail, constantly wrapped around your legs. Sleeping next to you. Putting bandages over every scratch. Getting your towel when you forget to do so.

She resents the moment she was taught civility. Everything was normal before, she was normal before, but they had to force her eyes wide open. Without any other choice, Karlach understood. Being herself, wholeheartedly herself, was wrong.

The things Karlach did could be normal, but not the things she felt.

People will call her broken, depraved, filthy. Karlach will accept every curse throw at her. She deserves them. Others will make excuses for her behavior, lying to themselves to not admit how they failed to see her true nature. She’ll accept them too. As long as they don’t say she wasn’t aware of the seriousness of her action and desires.

This is wrong. This is so wrong. And Karlach knows. Still, she can’t stop herself from sinning. No. Another lie. Karlach can stop, she just won’t. Like a predator lurking over a trembling prey, smelling fear and still drooling over their soft fur.

The shame is there, but so is the never-ending hunger.

“Stay just like that”, Karlach purred, unbuttoning her pants. “You’re the best, sis.”

If only you weren’t so soft. That’s something she never was. Wide smiles, eyes so bright Karlach swears your soul is leaking through them. No sharp edges or second intentions. Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. No one can compare to you.

Being around you is enough to make Karlach forget about decency. To watch you being yourself is enough to burn away the shame. And she is always watching. As you bend to clean the bathroom, or when you wash dishes with that old almost see-through t-shirt. But this nightgown…

Karlach could go berserk because of it. Her blood was boiling beneath her skin. Such a tiny thing. This satin fabric showing all your curves and lines, so tight it left little to imagination. Have you noticed? How it barely covers your thighs, holds your breasts inside it?

Her hands involved your ass. Is there anything not soft about you? Anything not worth touching? Karlach’s fingertips stroked the skin around your blue panties, her claws sinking into it. She stopped herself from asking you to take them off.

You tried to move away, knees almost slipping away from the couch. Karlach held your waist before you could fell. “Don’t worry”, Karlach held you in place. “It’s just you and me.”

When you nodded, Karlach took a last deep breath.

Slowly, she pumped her cock. It was already leaking. Pressing her thumb against her maroon head, Karlach guided her length towards your core. Such a soft tissue. So thin she could feel your lips moving inside it.

Drooling, Karlach knew she had to be quick. If not, she wouldn’t be able to stop there. She spat on her hand, spreading the drool all over her cock. She grabbed your hips, this time more firmly as Karlach placed her foot on the seat.

“Close your legs”, she demanded. “Tightly.”

You obeyed, squeezing her cock with your thighs. You relaxed when Karlach moaned, babbling something you couldn’t really understand. Good. This is really helping her.

“I’m sorry”, Karlach cried out loud. And she really was. Fucking your thighs, Karlach trembled. You were so warm. So perfect. “I… uhm. Fuh-fuck, oh shit. Hells. It’ll be over soon. I will-”

Resting her head on the curve of your neck, Karlach mounted you. You felt cold tears falling on your skin. Her jaw dropped, eyes rolling back. Her orgasm washed over her, her thick load staining the insides of your thighs white.

“Thank you”, Karlach babbled. “Thank you so much.”

With your head pressed against the pillow, trying to ignore a weird feeling at your core, you nodded. “You’re welcome.”

This is so wrong. Karlach knows that. It just feels so right.

taglist: @ffinosie @lovelyy-moonlight @alzaira @s2-angells @eyes-ofhell @inlovewithmariah @chiiyohiimee @shaquilles-0atmeal @bloodyziggy @salemey @kcch-ns @notanalienindisguiseblink @py-schi

© all rights reserved to MADWOMANSAPOLOGIST

[mugiwara-lucy]

So if you all are unaware, yesterday it was revealed that Georgia apparently wants to not only hand count their ballots but MAGA is trying to make Nebraska do a “winner take all” process.

My thoughts on this? I say let them. Let’s not forget they tried this same nonsense back in 2020 when Trump was in power but now he’s just a candidate. And if anyone is feeling discouraged I HIGHLY recommend THIS:

They tried this fuckery four years and failed and will fail again.

Even though I’m VERY angry at how the “party of values, law and order 🙄 “ are partaking in tactics they’re supposedly against, I’m relieved to see people are angry and not throwing in the towel.

Why? Because let’s channel that frustration into ENERGY and use it to vote out these jokers and FINALLY be done with the nine year nightmare known as Donald Trump!! Did we let this stop us four years ago? No! So let’s get even more energized and fight back!!

And I’ve seen lots of early voting posts which makes me even more confident!

Remember, we’re close to the finish line now let’s ride it out ‘til the end!!

[stuiie]

Chapter 1 - A Dangerous Game

So, after multiple failed attempts at writing a one-shot (seriously, it was a disaster each time, I just had to throw in the towel), I decided to start small and give a short story a shot instead. And guess what? I actually did it! cue the victory dance I finished a 7-chapter story today!

Since I clearly can’t hang with those one-shot wizards (how do they do it?!), I’ll be posting my chapters throughout October. Baby steps, right? But hey, I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for pulling this one off!

First chapter here -> A Dangerous Game 

Finding out you were the secret daughter of one of America’s richest men was like winning the lottery—if the jackpot came with a catch: everyone who knew absolutely hated you for it. Tony Stark, in all his billionaire, genius, playboy glory, decided to take you under his wing the only way he knew how—Stark-style. Cue the sarcastic quips, awkward side-hugs, and job "opportunities" that always came with a few strings attached. Working as his receptionist? Pfft, sounded like a breeze, right? Wrong.

Nothing could’ve prepared you for the chaos that came with the title. Or, more specifically, for who came with it—Wanda Maximoff. A total powerhouse with a face that could stop traffic, and someone who, for some reason, had it out for Tony... and possibly you too. And now, you might just find yourself caught in the middle of whatever explosive game they’re playing.

[saltpepperbeard]

Are you still feeling hopeful? I’m trying really hard not to feel demoralized these last few days…

Hi, darling anon! I totally understand where you’re coming from. We’ve been at it for weeks (almost THREE) and things have seemingly slowed down, there’s drama both in-fandom and out, and there’s just sort of an ever-creeping feeling of disheartenment. And on top of everything, it’s JANUARY (DEROGATORY).

But you know what? Despite all of that, despite it all, I am still clinging onto hope. Call me stubborn or whatever else lol, but yes, I’m still hopeful. I think I will be until I see Djenks wave some sort of white flag, or until a lot of time passes with no forward momentum. And even with the latter, I’ll probably still have the stubborn wish to get something like a movie or whatever else in the future.

Now, I’m clinging onto hope for a few reasons. One, and this is the most important one, we really don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes right now. I think that mentality can also swing into negative territory, but I’m using it to propel me into hopeful territory. We don’t know what all is being discussed, we don’t know if anyone’s interested, and we don’t know who all is fighting and how hard.

Again, could be twisted into a “nothing is happening” type view, but when I look at David? At Taika? And how much the show means to them? How passionately they’ve spoken out about it? And how gracious David and the rest of the cast/crew has been? Idk about you, but I’d like to think they’re trying to push for a continuation as hard as they can. *Stede voice* I don’t think…any of us have let go, actually.

Not to mention that the cast and crew have not stopped posting/interacting with renewal campaign efforts. David hasn’t told us anything that would allude to failed deals, and Ruibo still posts #SaveOFMD type things. It just feels like they’re still riding alongside of us.

Secondly, and sort of along those lines, I’m holding on to the knowledge that every renewal is different. There have been some giant campaigns with zero results, but there have also been smaller campaigns with success. There have been campaigns that have only landed a few more episodes, whereas there have been others that landed more seasons, a movie, etc etc.

Each case is unique, and really has to do with what’s going on behind the scenes. Why the show was cancelled in the first place, if the platform is willing to shop it out, if other platforms find it desirable/profitable, etc etc.

And I think along those lines also, there comes a mentality that makes people even more disheartened and sad. I think there’s this thought that if we’ve slowed down, if we’re not pushing enough, we won’t get renewed. And I don’t really think that’s the case; I don’t think renewal rests squarely on our shoulders like that. Because, again, I think a lot of it really has to do with money, and with negotiations between studios. I think we’re very good for visibility and noise, and subsequently, I think any sort of effort is great effort! I think any work that has been conducted is good work.

It’s also important to think about how we’re sort of in a transition stage of the campaign right now, too. Things are significantly different than they were just a week ago. There are campaign leadership changes going on, the focus is different, and new plans of attack are being ironed out.

So, we all just need to give ourselves some grace. We’ve done so much, and things have moved so fast, and the cast and crew have felt so loved. We’ve made it into publications, made it onto physical ads, and gotten the attention of outside entities (shoutout to Astroglide WJDJW). We’ve also all come together, which is VERY wonderful considering how divided things felt towards the end of October. We’re doing wonderful all things considered, and so for that reason among a few others, I’m still hopeful.

Also, there’s this post by @pehmokoira that goes into even MORE detail of why we shouldn’t throw in the towel/lose hope.

SO. TLDR, there is a lot weighing down on “the atmosphere of this ship,” but I still encourage you to keep those fingers crossed. Help maintain the momentum however works best for you. Take a break, take a step back, and take care. But keep that stubborn little fire burning if you can 💜🏴‍☠️

[velvetstreets]

Can you do one where jacks BEREAL goes off during sex and reader has hickies all over her and their friends react and she’s tied to the bed?

Realer than Real

Jack had been teasing you for 20 minutes, and you were reveling in his attention. You were completely naked, with the exception of your thong, and tied to the posts of his bed.

He had wanted to take his time with you this evening, so you let him take the reigns. He started off with soft sweet kisses, to your lips, all around your face, leading down to your neck - to which they became aggressively needier.

“Jack..” you moaned out, feeling him suck a little harder into the skin of your neck, knowing he was starting to mark you up.

“Hm..?” He feigned innocence, not stopping his delicious assault across your neck.

“N-no, no hickies-“ you told him, but there wasn’t an ounce of sternness in your voice.

“Yes, hickies-“ he countered, sucking and lapping at your skin, proud with the darker marks starting to show.

“But, people will see..” you groaned as he made his way down to the swell of your breasts, giving them a soft nuzzle as he hummed against you.

“Don’t care, hope they do, you’re mine aren’t you?” He asked, teeth nipping just above your nipple, making you gasp.

“Yes, I’m yours, only yours baby.” You confirmed, his touch sending straight fire to your core. Your body ached for him, literally and figuratively as the ropes gave a sickeningly sweet burn against your skin as you whined and wriggled.

You were too in your own world to hear the buzzes that both your phones made on the side table. But Jack was more attentive, and peeked at his screen before smirking.

“ As a matter of fact, let’s let them know what’s up.” He said as he picked up his phone and the weight of his body left yours momentarily.

You whined at the loss of warmth and contact before opening your eyes to see Jack sitting up, hovering over you with his phone.

“Cover your tits, baby.” He chuckled, trying to get a good angle.

“Jack!” You squealed at him. “Oh my god-“ you laughed at him before covering your breasts with your hands, the rope tugging at your wrists.

“Say, Jack’s about to destroy my pussy!” He laughed before taking the picture, and then angling the front camera his way for the selfie.

“You’re such an idiot.” You giggle, attempting to pout, but failing as you see his dimples cave into his smiling bright face.

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot.” He grins at you.

“My idiot.” You repeat, grinning back at him.

“And this idiot, is gonna take care of his two favorite girls.” He said kissing you a few times before sliding down to the end of the bed where your legs were spread.

“So fuckin’ pretty..” he adored your figure one last time, littered in dark purple bruises. You blushed as he chuckled, placing kisses along your inner thighs.

“I’ll never get enough of you.” He muttered before diving into his second favorite girl.

-

You stepped out of the shower with Jack, and he wrapped you in a towel before doing the same to himself. He snapped a quick picture of the two of you in the mirror; fresh faced, wet hair, and all smiles.

“I like that one. Think it’s my new favorite.” You told him, kissing his cheeks.

“Me too. S’a good one.” He kissed your forehead, before scrolling on his phone as you did your skin routine.

“Urban said to tell you ‘nice tits’” Jack laughed.

“Huh?” You turned to him.

“Though he wonders if your alive or if I’ve eaten you alive, with all the bites I left.”

“Oh god.” You muttered, shaking your head at the two juvenile boys.

“S’all good, told him I devoured you perfectly.”

“Jack!” You laughed, jaw agape at his comment.

“What! I’m an honest man, cross my heart.” He said putting his palm over his heart.

“Jesus Christ-“ you said rolling your eyes and throwing your wet towel at him.

“Oooh, round 3 already baby?” He asked before quickly scooping you up and running towards the bedroom; both of your giggles loudly filling the apartment.

————————————

Tag list: @hoodharlow @moody4world @watercolorskyy @lcandothisallday @harlowthot @triplexdoublex @thinkingaboutjharlow @bbyharlow @jackharlows-world @primadxna-girl @curlyhairclub @dessmxsworld @inluvwithladybug @babyharleezy @thysagclub @harlowcomehome @rebelxsun @jackharloww @harlowsbby

[molarbeardoc]

Hey!

I started writing this like back when I first posted the MR Morse code video! Hope you enjoy

I present to you:

A WRITTEN Infection Regretevator au

Erm yeah big reveal idk where I’m going with this enjoy :3

"DAMN IT!"

It hissed, glaring at the beakers that sat before it.

It had been struggling to perfect the perfect poison for decades since that stupid cat was arrested. Yet each time it thought it had something, anything, it blew up in its face.

Sometimes literally…

"What am I doing wrong?! Why must this happen to me?! That flea-bag spent years and prison and come out shooting lasers from her eyes! Yet I can’t perfect basic science! I was head of my league! I controlled everything that happened within my time. I brought life to things who floated in jars! Even if they did turn their backs on me in the end…"

"WHY MUST I FAIL TIME AND TIME AGAIN?!"

It bellowed, its voice awakening its unwilling partner in crime and bringing attention to it from the yellow fool. God did it hate his overly pitched hysterical and nasally voice.

"Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Give up maybe? But then again, you’re about as stubborn as mule, hehehe."

"Silence freak."

"Well he’s got a point MR…"

The shackled being sat up, yawning as he butted in with his own opinion.

"You’ve been workin’ on this project for years. Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel.."

"I fail to see why your thoughts matter?"

"Command heard and followed…"

Despite it not being much of an instruction, MRManeuver knew that the rock downplaying his voice meant to shut up. He learned that the painful way and preferred to not be melted down into a mush like before hand…

"How typical of you! Silencing your lackey when he’s correct. Oh how you never change!"

"Didn’t I tell you to shut up?"

"Hey, my shop my rules. You agreed to follow my terms as long as I allowed you to reside here without fear of Ms. Retro, Jermbo, or Mach attacking you… Again…"

"I don’t fear them."

"It says, its hands trembling as it holds the beaker in its claws."

Enphoso chuckled at the joke, though the rock found it less than amusing, snapping its fingers and watching malicious as the man convulsed and held his throat.

"You test my patience every second you open your mouth. You work for me, understand..?"

It listened for a response from him as his mouth foamed before he choked out a silent ‘yes sir’. With the mover being reminded of his place, it returned the air to his lungs, ignoring his heaving gasps and coughs.

"And I thought I was cruel…"

The yellow grinning face adjusted his clothing, shooting a sympathetic glare towards Maneuver.

"You don’t compare to a God…"

"A fallen God you mean!"

MR let out an infuriated growl, but Enphoso knew he was correct.

Falling from the heavens weakened him significantly. Whatever he did, he could return with equal power.

"You and I both know I’m right…"

"My hatred for you grows daily."

"You hear that? It loves me."

"Shut up."

"Nuh uh…"

"You’re worse than that gradient."

"Okay wow… That’s an insult if I’ve heard one…"

"You’re right, that was too harsh, sorry…"

"It’s okay sweetheart."

MRManeuver listened to them, growing uncomfortable…

"MR?"

"Yes Enphoso?"

"I don't know if I can regret in this elevator alone."

"Me neither."

"It's just so scary without you…"

"I don't wanna lose you…"

"I have to tell you something-"

"Ever since the day I saw you-"

"You were special I can't lose you."

"I'll be so sad-"

"You’ll be so mad-"

"I won't be glad-"

"Here without you-"

"I'll be so sad if you walk away"

"This elevator just won't be the same"

"I'm the only person left to blame-"

"This digital circus just won't be the same"

"Ever since the day I saw you-"

"You were special I can't lose you."

"I'll be so sad-"

"You’ll be so mad-"

"I won't be glad-"

"Here without you-"

"I'll be so sad if you walk away"

"This elevator just won't be the same"

"I'm the only person left to blame-"

"This elevator just won't be the same"

MRManeuver could only watch in horror as they made out. Jaw dropped as confused terror filled his eyes.

"What the fu-"

Lmao

Happy April Fools day

Keep fooling around my silly little critters!

And if you’re upset about it not being serious

Don’t worry

Some of this is taken from the actual fic wink wink nudge nudge

[punk-octo]

Hi I had a flieder dream post in my rp and wanted to share here :>

Copy and pasted from discord so forgive any format weirdness

As Flieder rests, her train of thought drifts in and out of consciousness. The sound of her violin echoing in her mind trudges up a memory she attempted to bury on her trip to the mining facility, one of her life before.

S2356’s hooves hitting the pristine tile echoes down the estate hall, bouncing off tall walls and curving with the coved ceilings. She looks down at her watch as it clicks, the rhythmic sound of the gears turning inside brings S2356’s focus to it. ‘21:45, right on time.’ she thinks as she stops at the bedroom door at the end of the hall. She puts on a warm smile before knocking three times and then entering the room.

She opens the door to the young madam’s room, immediately noticing that she’s laid her toys out on the floor to play with them again. While this did ruin S2356’s organization, she couldn’t be mad at the child for being happy. The bedroom walls were covered in rudimentary drawings of the household gestalt family and some of the replika workers. Her favorite, though, was the one of the young gestalt girl holding hands with a green-eyed Eule, it made her smile even widen when she saw it.

The young gestalt girl was sitting on her bed in the back center of the room, her nightwear already on. Her face was scrunched in frustration as she held an instrument in her hands, one far too large for her little fingers as she attempted to slide the bow across the strings in vain. Her eyes lit up as the Eule entered her room. Her face was blurry in the memory, Flieder tried to focus on it but her mind failed her, all she could recall were the bright brown eyes of the girl and the slightly crooked, toothy smile.

*“Flieder!” the young girl exclaimed, S2356 was shocked for a moment, she was surprised the new nickname had reached the ears of the gestalts. Nevertheless, she smiled back. “Hello, █████, it’s time for bed.” She responded as she walked over and sat on the foot of the bed.

"But I’m not tired!” the girl pouted as Flieder began to pull the covers up and arrange the pillows.

Flieder chuckled a bit as she finished, “You say that every night but then fall asleep as soon as I leave, dear.” She reached to gently grab the instrument away from her, “I see you’ve been practicing the violin.”

The girl lays down under the covers and crosses her arms in frustration, “It’s too hard! I can’t press the strings. It’s stupid.”

" Oh come on, practice makes perfect █████, I’m sure your father wouldn’t appreciate you throwing in the towel so early.” Flieder looks down at the violin in her hands, she doesn’t play it herself so it’s a bit hypocritical to scold the child for it.

█████ thinks for a moment before her face brightens with an idea, “Can you learn it? Then you can teach me!”

Flieder’s eyes widen with surprise, not expecting the request, “Me? I don’t think I’d be a very good player…”

The young gestalt sits up slightly with renewed energy, “You will be! You taught me other stuff so this should be easy! Then I won’t have to practice so much on my own.”

Flieder sighed, if it was a request, she couldn’t exactly refuse. She thinks for a moment then gives in “Alright fine, I will try. But that doesn’t mean you can skip out on practice, ok? We’ll have to learn it together.” She pulls the covers up over the girl as she falls back on the feather pillows, “And you can’t make fun of me when I’m bad at it.”

The girl laughed a bit as she sank into the mattress, getting tired just on time. “Ok, I won’t I promise.” Her eyes began to shut as Flieder went to turn off the bedside lamp. “I love you Flieder…” she whispered.

Flieder tensed for a moment, she knew she wasn’t supposed to show the child too much affection but her heart ached if she didn’t. “...I love you too, █████. Goodnight.”

The child muttered back as Flieder got up to exit the room, violin in hand. As she closed the door she looked down at it. She would learn how to play it, just for her.

----

Flieder woke from the dream memory with a start, coolant drops forming on her brow. After a moment, she sighed and put her head in her hand, moving her bangs out of the way. The cold suffocating metal of the room only reinforced the difference between what she once had and what she is stuck with now.

She looks over to see the violin next to her on the bed, she must have forgetting to put it away last night. The sight of it makes a pit of sadness in her chest, her throat bobbing as old memories still play in her mind. Not being able to bear it, she gets up and slides the instrument under her bed where it belongs. She gets up and moves towards the mirror. The night left her looking messy, no where near her own standards. As she goes to adjust her hair, she sees her left eye twitch, creating an ugly asymmetry on her face. She looks up and barely touches the lower lid as it spazzes and lets out another sigh.

"Work. Work will take it off of my mind." After attempting to fix her appearance a bit more, Flieder moves past her bed once again, the thought of the violin still burning like a flare under her bunk. She moves into the hallway and begins her day.

[aeori-o]

I think everyone has basically accepted that Vere and Kuras don’t have red choice options in the Touchstarved Demo and despite the fact that I am haunted by the promise of a hidden/secret ending on some of their social media posts and in the tutorial I am throwing in the towel on this.

I don’t know if they’re counting the red option for Ais and Leander as “secret endings” or if maybe they’re counting the death with Vere as a “secret ending” (even though that is in no way secret) but the game is just buggy enough that I’m not sure if I’m going to miss something from the game just not displaying it. I feel too disheartened by the thought of wasting a bunch of time when a weird bug might make something not display correctly. (The Ais and Leander options don’t seem susceptible to bugging out but Mhin’s red option will always appear if you play on an ‘Alchemist’ save and then switch to/load an ‘Unnamed’ or ‘Hound’ save but will disappear again if you start a new game under ‘Unnamed’ or ‘Hound’ and the same is true of the opposite: if you don’t start a new game under ‘Alchemist’ when you were previously playing a different background it won’t appear.) (Edit: My wording was unclear here I meant if you started a new game under ‘Hound’/’Unnamed’ and then switch to/load an ‘Alchemist’ save it still won’t display.)

But just in case anyone has more patience than me to crunch through this I’ll go over what I know and have done below.

Okay first thing’s first. Everyone seems to be able to get Ais and Leander easily enough but there are only two options that actually matter for getting each of their red options. It does not matter what background you pick. It does not matter what else you click anywhere else you will always get the option if you click these two (or the game is bugging out).

Leander:

You’ve gotta take those flowers.

Regardless of how you come to be touching him you have to keep doing it.

It does not matter if you choose to drink the same thing as him, it doesn’t matter if you dunk on all of his friends in the ending segment after choosing him, it doesn’t matter if you hold back from touching him in the first place. All that matters is taking those flowers and giving into your fascination with how his skin feels so you can later give into the impulse to feel up his face.

Ais:

You’ve gotta tell him to fuck off.

You’ve gotta pat the Soulless (Princess).

Again it doesn’t matter what else you do. Doesn’t matter if you call Princess cute later or say you didn’t trust it not to kill you, doesn’t matter if you ask for help or demand to know what he wants. You can choose anything and as long as you picked those two you can have a little nibble as a treat.

Mhin:

As mentioned above their red option sometimes bugs out. The way to get it is to start a new game with the Alchemist background, it should show up during your first interaction with them after the three option dialogue choice and before the options “You know what? Fine.” and “I just need help finding my lodgings.” No special choices are needed, just the background.

I will note that I also had it fail to show up when using he/him pronouns once, but then trying another new game with he/him pronouns it did show up with all the same choices. It has to be a new game, if you load from a previously made Alchemist save it’ll fail to show for some reason. If you play through as a new Alchemist and then get it, then load a Hound or Unnamed save it’ll still show up despite the ‘wrong’ background now being chosen.

Everything Else I Know From Playing A Stupid Amount Of Times:

Since Leander and Ais have two options that supersede all the others in terms of mattering it stands to reason Vere and Kuras might be the same. Vere is easier to test on since you get a total of three one-on-one dialogue choices with him before the ending segment where you choose someone to follow (and for Ais and Leander none of the options in that section matter for the outcome).

Unless the game was bugging out I could not trigger any red option with Vere with any Background and any combination of responses to him before choosing to follow him. I would probably move onto trying different combinations of the ending conversation next but I am tired and did not try that.

For Vere I also tried being as rude as possible to everyone (triggering the red option with Ais since Vere likes Ais and making sure to not trigger it with Leander). That didn’t work. So then I tried making sure I was as rude as possible to everyone and also not interesting to Ais. Also didn’t work.

Kuras you have five options with before also running into him with Mhin which is more than anyone else has so I definitely have not been able to run through all combinations for Kuras interactions. I also tried getting along with him, Mhin, and Leander and avoided triggering the red option with Ais and shut down Vere to see if that would trigger anything with Kuras. It didn’t.

Also worth noting for anyone else grinding away at this: - The enter key is not your friend, it will select the first option before you see it every time. Spent a big chunk of my first play through wondering when I’d get to choose anything before I realized I needed to mouse-click instead of hitting enter.  - Using ‘skip’ will always stop at choices or new dialogue. Different pronouns than what you’ve used in previous saves counts to the game as new dialogue. - This might be exclusive to my computer but the game somehow messes up my headphone audio, it makes everything extremely quiet even with the audio turned up to 100. Restarting fixes it, but it’s really weird. Edit: This was a weird result of my motherboard and CPU having beef and had nothing to do with the game, I’ve updated chipsets, UEFI/BIOS, and my OS and it no longer does this.

I guess my expectation for ‘secret’/’hidden’ endings with visual novels is for it to be Very Obvious that’s what it is. I’ve been assuming that you need all five red options to get it. But I also have to consider this is just a demo and referred to as the first chapter by the devs so maybe they really do just mean the death ending, or the two ending red options that are available.

I don’t know! But I have too many things to do to keep bashing my head against this as much as I want to. So if anyone else does discover anything further and you’ve read this far please let me know. I’m at a loss.

Edit: The Devs made a post saying not all characters have red dialogue prompts in the demo (but every character has bonus rewards/scenes and I am reasonably certain I’ve found all of those) so at this point (I have put over 7 hours into this demo) I’m pretty sure there isn’t a secret/hidden ending in the way I was expecting (being a clear, alternate end that differs noticeably from the ways the demo ends just running through it) but all of the alternate scenes with characters are great and I would really recommend running through until you’ve seen everything you can!

Edit 2: Someone reblogged this with some very sweet tags which spurred me into re-reading this where I noticed typos and some unclear phrasing so I fixed those. Also struck out my weird volume issue, that turned out to be related to some major computer issues I was having at the time and was actually unrelated to the demo.

[giggly-squiggily]

Forget Me Not (Black Clover)

Happy Valentine's Day! I wasn't planning on posting anything, but in a sudden boom of motivation, I've decided I'm posting a fic! Yunleo makes me soft, and I haven't yelled about them in a minute, so here we are! :D I hope you like it!

Cloud 9 (Taglist Peeps):

@duckymcdoorknob @rachi-roo

Summary: It's the day before Valentine's and Leopold completely forgot. He scrambles to put together the perfect gift for his boyfriend.

Leopold was in quite the predicament.

You see, it all started a mere few hours ago…

~~~

“Perfect-oh, wait- no. It spread.” Mimosa sighed, brows furrowing as she looked at her tray of misshapen heart cookies. “They look like potatoes!”

“Yum!” Leopold grinned as he snagged one, frantically shoving it in his mouth before he could burn his fingerprints off. “They taste good! Nothing like a potato.”

“Why did you..nevermind.” His cousin shook her head with a small laugh as she put the tray down, grabbing her cookie cutter in hopes of reshaping them before they cooled. “At least they taste good. I suppose that’s the important part.”

Leopold hummed, mouth too full to speak. He watched her curiously, tilting his head as she reshaped her handiwork. “What’s the occasion? Are you guys having a celebration or something?”

“You could say that- it’s for Valentine’s Day. I’m gonna frost these and give them to-” She looked back at him, blinking when he went pale. “Leo?”

Oh.

Oh no.

No, no, no, no, NO!

How did he forget???

~~~

“What about… that’s not gonna work. Oh, now…no, that’s dumb!”

Leopold was pacing around his room, hands in his hair as he struggled to think of something. It felt like the hours of his day were flying by with each failed attempt at securing a date. Most if not all the local restaurants were full with reservations for the big day, and shopping proved fruitless.

Then there was the question of what Yuno even wanted for Valentine's day. Past experience proved asking was pointless; his boyfriend always said the same thing when asked what he wanted: “You.” It was cute and never failed to make Leopold blush as dark as his hair; but it didn’t make surprises like now easier.

That left only one thing remaining; a handmade gift.

And Leopold…wasn’t exactly a craft man.

“Why is making paper flowers so difficult!?” He cried in frustration after the seventh failed attempt, tossing yet another crumpled mess into the pile growing on his bed. Mimosa was kind enough to show him how to make them on such short notice, but it didn’t mean much in the end. Littered on the floor were various paper hearts he tried to cut out like a heart- but even those were lopsided and ugly. Little scraps of paper and a dash of glitter coated his room like a thin film with the redhead sitting in the middle of it all, fighting the urge not to cry.

“Come on, don’t give up! You’re a Vermillion! We don’t throw in the towel!” He grunted through a lump in his throat, closing his eyes as he willed himself to take deep breaths.

Paper hearts and flowers were out. He couldn’t cook to save his life, so forget that. Yuno was one of those weird people who didn’t like chocolate, so that wasn’t an option- what was left? What could he..

Opening his eyes, he peeked at the remaining paper and pens before him; survivors of his crafting storm.

And just like that- he had a plan.

~~~

February 14th. It was officially the big day.

Oh great Wizard King save him.

Throughout the day, Leopold was a mess of anxiety and excitement; alternating between joy of sharing his gift with Yuno and dread that he’d hate it. They weren’t meeting up until the evening; both of them had a day full of team tasks to do before then- giving the fiery mage even more time to panic.

What if Yuno saw right through him? His gift was certainly last minute; nothing flashy or intricate- Leopold feared it would come off as disappointing; leaving his boyfriend to question if Leopold truly did love him.

Oh god- what if Yuno hates it so much they break up? The idea made his legs feel heavy, dragging his feet up towards their usual spot as he went to face destiny. His heart raced a mile a minute, threatening to bust out of his chest.

I want to run.

I want to run away.

I can’t face you; I’ll only disappoint you.

He started to turn-

“Leo?” That voice- soft and low- called out to him. Leopold felt himself freeze, everything in him coming to a complete standstill. He had been caught. “Hey.”

“Y-Yuno! Fancy meeting you out here! Hehe, hi!” Leopold twisted to face him, smiling big in hopes it’d hide his fear. “W-What a night to meet! Hehe, so what’s u-up?”

“You invited me out?” Yuno raised a brow, concern in those golden eyes as he watched him sweat. “Are you okay? You seem a bit-”

“Happy Valentine's Day!” Leopold practically shouted, making them both flinch. There, he said it! Yuno blinked at him, eyes wide.

“Oh…Oh! Right- Happy Valentine's Day, Leo.” He smiled gently, relaxing as everything came together. “Is that why you invited me out here?”

“Huh? What- I-” Breathe! He took a shaky breath, willing himself to calm. “Yes- that’s exactly why! I have a-”

He’ll hate it.

Three little words was all it took. Leopold felt his voice fade out as he froze once more, paling beneath the stars. He..he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take that risk.

Yuno raised a brow, giving him a small encouraging smile. Leopold took it to his heart as he let out a shaky breath.

“Yuno…I have a present for you.” Leopold reached into his pocket, hands shaking as he went to grab said gift. He couldn’t even get his hand in his pocket. “But…I’m scared to give it to you.” At his boyfriend’s raised brows, he hurried on. “I’m just- I just really nervous all of a sudden cause it’s kinda last minute and I usually put more thought into things like this and I don’t want you to hate me-the gift and-EH!”

Fingers pressed into his sides out of nowhere, making him jump up with a squeak. He hadn’t realized Yuno got so close. “So you're saying…you’ve lost your nerve?” Yuno asked, something teasing in his tone as he pressed in more, making Leopold giggle and squirm. “In that case, I’ll help you find it.”

“Y-Yuhuhuhuno! Ahehahahaa- wahahahit!” This was certainly not how he planned tonight to go. Dancing in his boyfriend’s arms as Yuno gently tickled his ribs, his face pressed into his chest as he lightly batted at his chest. “Hahhahahang ohoohohn, I gohohohotta fihihiihnd it ohohoohohn my ohohohohohown!”

“Sorry, no can do. We’ll be here all night.” Yuno grinned as he pulled the redhead into his chest, wiggling his fingers against his belly and making him squeal. “Not that I mind that, really.”

“YUHUHUHNO!” Leopold thrashed in his arms, kicking dirt and stardust around them as he laughed like a goon. Out here in their usual spot, not a soul could hear them. It felt both freeing and devastating at the same time. “YUHUUHUHNO PLEAHHAHAHSE!”

“Please what?”

“DOHOOHOHN’T DHOOHOOHOHO THAHHAT!”

“Do what? You gotta be more clear, Leo~”

“TIHIHIHICKLE MEHHEHEHE- NHOOOHOHO WAHHAHAHIT!” Leopold all but shrieked when Yuno bit his shoulder, blowing a raspberry against the clothed fabric. Low and behold- he found yet another spot on him that was ticklish! “YUHUHUHUNO!”

“What? I’m just doing what you asked me to do!” Yuno grinned, moving his fingers back to his sides as Leopold calmed. “Do you feel better now? Ready to share with the group?”

“Ahehaha! Fihihihine, fhihiihhine! Ihiiihhih’m reahhhhahahdy!” Leopold gasped out, falling back against the other with a soft sigh as Yuno supported him. “Yoohohu’re teehehrrible!”

“Hm.” The wind mage smiled as he pressed a kiss against Leopold’s cheek. “You love me.”

“I do.” He replied automatically, his voice hushed with sincerity. He felt Yuno jolt in surprise; not quite used to hearing it. It gave Leopold the push he needed. “Hey, can you let me go for a sec? It’s important.”

Yuno did so, watching him as the redhead took a few steps away. Turning back to his boyfriend, Leopold reached into his pocket, pulling out the folded paper. “I wrote this and…well, I know it’s not much, but if you’ll have me, I’d like to read it to you.”

“Poetry, Leo? Who would have known.” Yuno teased good naturedly, leaning back on his heels as he waited. 

“I’m not much of a poet- but I tried.” After another breathe, Leopold began to read.

“First of all; Happy Valentine’s Day. It’s our first, and I wanted to do something special for it. However- this is where I must confess. I kinda…forgot.” Leopold winched. Yuno gasped, clutching his pearls.

Then he chuckled, easing away Leopold’s worries.

“Sorry about that. I’ll remember going forward. But this letter isn’t about my forgetfulness; it’s about something much more important…it’s about you.

“When we first met; it was during my sister’s bootcamp. I remember when I first really looked at you- I thought to myself: ‘This guy’s really cool. And he looks strong. I have to defeat him!’ I declared you my rival and set my goal to surpassing this really cool guy with fluffy black hair and eyes like sunlight by any means necessary. I challenged you to many duels, and not once did you turn me down.

“I think that’s when I started to fall for you. I can’t pinpoint an exact moment; maybe it was the way you carried yourself- or how you always talked about your siblings with such love. Maybe it was during a battle- or how you declare your ambitions like obtainable goals rather than distant dreams. I thought my admiration for you was simply that; a feeling of mutual respect for my fellow mage.

“But then you looked at me and I realized it was more than that. It was love. A love that burned within me like a burning candle wick- new and different than anything I’ve felt before. It grew and grew until there were times I simply couldn’t be around you cause all I wanted was to tell you how I felt. I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same, so I kept that burning wick to myself for months.

“And then…you returned my feelings. You said you liked me back! I couldn’t believe it! Sure- things were a bit rocky at the start, and there was a moment I was scared my wick would blow out, leaving me cold within, but you kept it burning and you still do.

“Did that sound good? I’m not exactly good at this poetry stuff. The point is- I love you, Yuno. I love your ambitions and your dreams, I love your faith in me when I don’t have any left. I love when you smile at me, when you take my hand in yours and never let go. I love how you look at me when you talk- like I’m the only one here. I love how passionate you are about what you want to do with your life. I love your bravery, your kindness, your competitive spirit and how you always make me feel loved and treasured. Your love comes as easy as breathing, and I want to keep breathing it in, letting it do whatever air does to our bodies- something about blood cells and whatnot.

“I probably killed the vibe with that last part; the point is- I love you, and for as long as I live- I’ll always love you. Even in death I’ll love you. My heart is yours for all eternity. Happy Valentine's Day, Yuno. Let’s have many more.”

Finishing the letter, he stared at the page, suddenly too shy to look up. What would he see when he did? Would Yuno fight off laughs? Would he be bored? Disgusted? Disappointed? He was scared.

Be brave.

He looked up- and stared. Yuno was crying.

“Babe..” He whispered, but that’s all Leopold got out before he was engulfed by arms, a cloud of pine and forest invading his nose as Yuno clung to him. “Yuno?”

“Not much of a poet my ass.” He choked out, a wet laugh coming though his voice. “Leopold…That was so…I love you so much.”

Those words were like coming up for air after nearly drowning. More than that- it felt like he was ascending. His body felt light with relief, almost numb as he brought them around his boyfriend- grounding him and filling him with warmth. “I was worried you’d hate it.”

“Never. I loved every word.” Yuno pulled back, eyes shiny with tears. Leopold reached up, brushing them away with his thumb. “I hate that I don’t have the words to describe how I feel right now…”

“More than words?” Leopold asked, earning another wet laugh. He closed his eyes as Yuno leaned in, capturing his lips with ease. Where words failed him, Yuno’s kiss told him everything he so desperately wanted to hear. His hands ran through black tufts of hair as Yuno grasped his hips, pulling him against him until only the pounding of their hearts were between them.

~~~

“I feel kinda bad now. I didn’t get you anything for Valentine’s Day.” Yuno confessed after some time. They were lying beneath the stars, his head on Leopold’s chest as the redhead played with his hair. “I kinda forgot too.”

“What?” Now it was his turn to clutch pearls. “Yuno!”

They looked at eachother. Then they were laughing.

“We’re a match made to be!” Leopold wheezed, shaking beneath Yuno as he giggled himself silly. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Yuno smiled, scooting up so they were nose to nose. “I still want to give you something. Is there anything you want?”

“You.” Leopold grinned, watching Yuno flush pink, starting to laugh once more as he lightly slapped his chest.

“Jerk- that’s my line.” He laughed again, the sound muffled by Leopold’s lips on his. He was melting against him in minutes. “I still want to get you back.”

“You already did. Your love for me is the greatest gift I’ve ever received.” Leopold smiled, pressing his forehead against Yunos. “What more do I need when I have you?”

Instead of words, Yuno kissed him again and again.

Even if they both forgot the rest of them; Leopold would always remember this Valentine’s Day.

Thanks for reading!

[cornfields-td-nonsense]

are there any other songs u relate with specific TDN cast members

Boy howdy hey ARE THERE

Oh No by MARINA is possibly the most Lloyd song I have ever heard in my life. Branching from that, Allies Or Enemies by the Crane Wives is him and Rod post-betrayal

Speaking of TCW, Take Me To War is Ming's song through and through. And I can imagine an animatic of Ming and Alisha singing Busted from Phineas and Ferb, about Lloyd and Esther, respectively.

And I could be inclined to cite Top Of My School as an Alisha song. No further comment.

Paper Towels by Jack Stauber is Lara's song. Learning to accept the inherent chaos and messiness of life and whatnot. And circling back to MARINA, Hermit the Frog is her talking about Art.

I feel like Isla would love the song Sunflower from ITSV. It really fits his vibe and I reckon it's the kind of music she'd listen to.

God I Hate Shakespeare from Something Rotten feels so Charlie @ William to me. Please let it be known that I have never seen Something Rotten and do not know any of the context behind the song or who is singing it.

My cocreator tells me that Internet Yamero and Failed Normie are Matt songs. I haven’t listened to them yet but he is the one who made Matt so I’m going to take his word for it.

And I’ve mentioned this before but Art Is Dead, Kiss Me Son Of God, and The Main Character are all Art songs. And… yeah maybe throw White Guy 1985 onto the pile too.

[lady-stormbraver]

I posted 2,012 times in 2022

That's 1,044 more posts than 2021!

53 posts created (3%)

1,959 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kyber-hearts

@brown-little-robin

@lovesodeepandwideandwell

@starcrier

@swinging-stars-from-satellites

I tagged 1,364 of my posts in 2022

Only 32% of my posts had no tags

#in a galaxy far far away - 88 posts

#looking for lovely - 73 posts

#batfam - 60 posts

#kenobi spoilers - 52 posts

#snadger.gif - 42 posts

#jason todd - 41 posts

#encanto - 35 posts

#oc: violetta - 34 posts

#humans - 27 posts

#kenobi - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#deeply kind characters are compelling to me and i think it's because it's so hard and so antethical to what much of the world calls strength

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

okay mutuals, y’all have convinced me: I’m watching Free Guy. will update!

21 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

#4

nobody asked for this, but y’all should know that Sleeping At Last - Instrumentals is an absolutely lovely study vibes Spotify playlist. it’s gotten me through many a coffee shop homework and midnight study session over the years.

plus— the quietly hopeful and ethereal vibes of all sleeping at last songs. so calming and peaceful. 10/10 would recommend for all your light, dark, or light-in-the-dark academia needs.

68 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#3

May I,,, offer you another chapter in these trying times?

A rough summary:

Bruno: Hola Casita :)

Casita: *smacks him upside the head with a tile*

72 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

#2

if you are in education, therapeutic services, or any form of childcare...

please,

please,

please

don’t give up on a child just because their challenging behaviors are scary and draining.

don’t give up on a child just because it seems like they’re not communicating with you.

don’t give up on a child just because they have greater (or different) needs than the other kids.

don’t give up on a child just because the work is hard.

and for the love of all that is good, don’t give up on the child on their FIRST DAY in a brand new environment with communication barriers.

no child is unreachable! no child is incapable!

but you have to give them TIME to become accustomed to New Things and New People, and you have to give them TIME to learn and grow in the areas you see needs-- especially if they don’t understand how to communicate with you yet, oh my gosh.

look, i get it. i really do. i know it’s hard. i know it’s exhausting. i know you’re crawling towards the weekend and feeling defeated.

but if this child was your child, wouldn’t you want someone to be in their corner?

wouldn’t you want someone to, at the very least, give them a fighting chance?

if you care about children, and i believe you do, then you have to be willing to do the hard work. you have to be willing to try all the resources you’ve got before throwing in the towel. you just HAVE to.

yes, the work is hard. yes, the days are long. but it is worth it.

your words and choices now will impact so much of how they see themselves in the future.

please, please be careful with these precious souls.

107 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hey!!

i don’t know who needs to hear this, but being gentle with yourself is not admitting defeat!!

choosing to:

1.) take a step back from doing all the things while running yourself ragged and

2.) focus instead on doing fewer things in a healthier manner

…is actually really rad and wise of you!!!

it is perfectly okay to take your time!!

you haven’t failed. and you don’t have to be perfect. nobody is holding you to this standard but you, dear one.

you are free to just breathe, and be, and grow at your own pace.

and we’ll make it. i promise. 🤍

136 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[midwestmade29]

Sweet Girl 🤍

Well, @coleskingdom's efforts to turn me into a Jay White lover haven't completely failed because here I am posting a smutty fic about him! Thanks for opening my eyes to this handsome man with the most delicious accent 🫠 This story is for you girl 🖤 Word count: 1.2k Divider by: @saradika-graphics GIF is not mine • Disclaimers: Cursing, oral sex, unprotected sex. Read at your own discretion.

After changing the plans he had with you, Jay finds a way to make up for it...

Life had been pretty busy lately for you and Jay. The original plan for your evening was for the two of you to spend some much-needed time together, but that got thrown out the window when Austin and Colten called. They asked if Jay would join them at the gym, catching him hook, line, and sinker when they mentioned they wanted to discuss their next course of action against their own father and his scissoring counter parts.

You knew something was up when Jay kept looking in your direction during the phone call all while responding to questions with a simple “Mhmm” or “Yeah.” When he finally hung up, he gave you a sympathetic grin as he walked over to you, his gray eyes silently pleading with you to not be mad at him for what he was about to say.

You held up your hands to stop whatever was about to come out of his mouth, saying your own thoughts instead, “Let me guess, there’s been a change of plans?” His silence was all the answer you needed. You crossed your arms and scoffed, turning your head to the side to break eye contact with Jay. He walked up to you and rubbed your arms with his hands while keeping his voice low and sweet.

“I know tonight was supposed to be our night sweet girl, but the children need me,” he joked, leaving you less than amused.

“Seriously, you’re breaking our plans for Austin and Colten? They’re practically glued to your hip, Jay! I think they’ll be just fine without you for one damn night,” you hissed.

“I promise, I won’t be gone long. When I get back, I’m all yours! I’ll find a way to make it up to you, sweet girl,” Before you could protest, Jay kissed your forehead and nearly darted for the door.

An hour went by, and your anger finally dissipated. Instead of sitting around and stewing, you decided to pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy a hot bubble bath. When you walked to the kitchen to place your empty glass in the sink, you nearly jumped out of your skin- and your towel when Jay snuck up behind you!

He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close and nuzzling his face into your neck.

“Miss me?” he asked arrogantly.

You shimmied free of his embrace, turning around so you could see him.

“Actually, I didn’t think about you once,” you quipped. You tried to stand firm, but your body was already giving you away. 

The truth is, he’s all you thought about during your bath. Your thoughts had nothing to do with him ditching you, instead, they were focused on how good his hands felt on your body whenever he touched you. They were focused on how soft his lips are and how much you wanted to kiss them. Your thoughts were focused on the way his muscles were taut and predominant after a good workout.

Jay already knew you were bullshitting him, so he called you on your bluff.

“You sure about that, Y/N? The flush of your cheeks says otherwise,”

You didn’t dare stroke his ego, so you rolled your eyes and continued to deny everything, “That could just be from the wine you know,” 

Your determination to throw him off your scent made Jay let out a soft chuckle. He took a few steps forward and pinned your body up against the kitchen counter with his own.

“No, no. I don’t think that’s it. But there’s no sense in arguing when I have yet to show you how I plan on making tonight up to you,” he said with a smirk. “Care to know what I had in mind?”

With Jay’s lips being mere inches away from your own, and the feeling of his body pressed against yours, you knew you were already done for. You swallowed hard and nodded your head “yes,” giving Jay the green light to continue. Within seconds, he removed your towel and lifted you up before placing you down on the countertop! He admired the view that was now before him before pulling your lower half closer to the edge and spreading your legs with his hands.

“I’d hold onto something if I were you, sweet girl. I don’t plan on stopping until you’re a quivering mess,”

Jay expertly maneuvered his tongue around your most sensitive parts, drawing moan after moan from you. His tongue flicked and swirled against your clit while his fingers worked their magic inside of you. He could tell you were on the brink of orgasming when your fingers weaved themselves in his hair and pulled, a string of unintelligible words and curses fell from your lips.

He made sure his word was good when he made you cum so hard that it made your entire body shake against his mouth!

“Mmm, I could listen to you make those noises all night,” he murmured against your thigh. He planted a soft kiss there before standing up, “In fact, I think I will. Come on sweet girl, I’m not done with you just yet,”

With your weakened legs wrapped around his waist, Jay carried you to the bedroom and placed you on the bed. You watched intently as he removed his clothes and tossed them aside before positioning himself between your legs. The tip of his hard length brushed up against your core, causing both of you to groan at the sensation!

“So, so wet for me! I know you’ll feel just as good as you tasted,” Jay purred against your neck.

His facial hair brushed up against your delicate skin there, causing goosebumps to cover your entire body and you to melt underneath him even more. He positioned himself at your entrance and rested his body weight on his forearms before inching himself inside of you painstakingly slow. His length stretched and filled you, your walls tugging and pulling him with each drawn out push of his hips.

“Please, Jay! I need more,” you cried out. “F-fuck me, I want you to fuck me!” He heard and understood your plea when he began moving in and out of you faster and much deeper than before. He was hitting all the right spots inside of you, each time his cock brushed up against them you felt yourself getting closer and closer to toppling over the edge.

“You’re so beautiful like this, Y/N. All tousled and consumed by bliss! I was a fool to leave you earlier.” Jay said breathlessly.

His movements became sloppy and erratic the closer he got to his release, but he wanted to make you unravel first.

“Come on, Y/N! Let yourself go for me a second time. Give me one more, sweet girl,”

Jay captured your lips with his as you came for the second time that night. Your body trembled while he continued thrusting his hips as he chased his own release. You felt his length twitch inside of you as ropes of his cum filled you to the brim. Jay’s breathing was ragged as he savored every last second of pleasure coursing through him, all the while he planted kisses around your face.

“My sweet girl, you did so beautifully for me,” he whispered. “It would seem that you did miss me while I was gone after all…”

[studyblrbymaya]

so, i’m back. it’s been a couple of months, we’re moving into my least favourite two seasons where i’m going to experience severe mental illness, far worse than my usual, i’m going into my country’s hardest year of education, we’ve had a pathetic summer (if you can even call it that), and guess what? none of my studying has paid off. al of the hours of studying that i’ve put in throughout my life? pointless. in that 2 hour exam, i destroyed my future.

i spent this whole summer working my socks off for this exam that determines my future, and i failed. i had my heart set on 4 universities, and i am now unable to apply to any of them. any of the tiny hints of certainty that there once were have completely disappeared: all of my hard work, and it went nowhere. a whole summer in my study, for absolutely nothing. i’ve lost faith, cried, had really, seriously nasty thoughts, and a week later, i’m shocked that i’m still here. i wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy: it is hell. absolute hell.

i’m having to alter my original plan for where to apply: i feel like an utter failure. i’m embarrassed, i’m lost, and i have absolutely no clue what my life is going to look like. absolutely no clue whatsoever.

the possibility of anything good happening for me now is all gone: i feel so stupid for hoping for my dreams to come true, so stupid for having fun now because i feel like the stereotypical stupid person who deserves nothing good, and so stupid for wasting a summer working. every single minute of all of my education feels useless and it feels like there’s no point continuing with it. i feel like i’ve let myself and my family down and i really don’t see anything improving. honestly, i’m so lost.

unlike most of my other posts, this one genuinely doesn’t have a meaning. there’s nothing behind it. no special message about how ‘you should never give up, even when it’s hard!!!’ because for me, there is no point. no message about what i’ve learnt from this (apart from that i’m a serious failure), literally nothing. im meant to be preparing my application for sendoff in 2 weeks, and none of it is ready. i’m throwing in the towel right now. i am tired, sick of being hopeful only for nothing good to come of anything. i’m absolutely exhausted, inadequate, reeling, a let-down. all of that wasted money, effort, and time. a whole summer and hundreds of pounds wasted on my failure. it honestly feels like i’ve been being hit by a brick for the past 6 weeks. i’m back to square one with self care, i’ve forgotten what i enjoy, i just can’t. im not okay right now and just feel so embarrassed. i’ve no clue how im going to face school or studying again. everything is so, so unbelievably dark right now.

no tags. i just need to get this off of my chest.

[twig-in-a-wizard-hat]

ya know what making my first post post cuz sick of my phone crashing :C , it killed my tags, it did. funny commentary gone, it is. also worried there is a char limit for tags overall and maybe that killed them :c , I’ll have to look that up later I want my old thoughts to exist into the world (hello void/world, and probably OP who is reading this)

cannot totally recreate vibe, so just shooting them out there, sorry for any whiplash or spelling errors

can’t remember most of what I said about Lilly (rip), but although her death would be totally deserved, my love for her definitely absolves her of all of her crimes against humanity.

also very exited to see oliver shared between Lex and Fitz :DDD , he does not stand a chance between themmm. He will prob turn to puddyyyyy, and I would like to watchhhh. Also, wonder what Roger is like when enthralled by the two. Mainly cuz he gives off very diff vibes from oliver. Roger gives off tired old man (prob from his full time “job” of taking care of Fitz, dudes prob aged a few years from that, and see some things). Oliver on the other hand gives off kitten x sacrificial lamb. but I could be projecting.

Also, not killing Edith!!! DDDD: the thralls would dieeeeeeee. Like I do not trust Jessica one second to provide healthcare to her thralls. I feel she would cringfail on a minor cold. She gives off immediately calls for a doctor (cuz ew she doesn’t wanna deal with that, fix it) vibes or waits till their practically on death’s door (cuz she had more important things to do, like looking pretty, or throwing parties). Also Idk how in Character it is, but I think it’d be funny if she might attempt some basic care, like wet towel on their head, but forget even more basic stuff like giving the poor thing water, and then get upset when that didn’t improve the thrall’s condition or make it worse, then throws a small tantrum and then leaves them. She does not have the attention span or empathy to figure out proper human care.

can’t remember if there was anything else…. Did add to it tho (like Jessica attempting below bare minimum to take care aid a thrall and giving up after a whole five sec of that now working)

(Welp, goodbye, idk how to end posts, would I just have ended it there? Idk. Thanks for reading :D

goodbye again)

Sike the post is not over I was re-reading in editing (coming after u spelling errors, except puddy idk how that’s spelt and I’m too scared to find out) and realized bit about wanting Vivian to save killing vamps like Lex and Fitz to later (much later) cuz perhaps if she kills enough of the vamps that treat their thralls poorly she can change the culture of the vamps in the area :D , so even if she fails (at killing all of them) at least quality of thrall life could go up, and that’s at least a little win for humanity. (Also now thinking it’d be really funny for Lex to lord over Jamison how he could be the next target cuz he treats his thralls so bad lol.)

wonder how long till vamp society starts sweating over Vivian’s kill count. I doubt Edgar’s absence would be totally missed (although some *cough Lex and Fitz cough* might be a little happy at the news, till it sinks in a powerful vamp like him was slain)

ok now I think that’s it fr. Goodbye Fr.

The Rare Bookseller Part 62: Vivian's Blood

Previous > Masterlist

tw: conditioning, mind control, mention of hand whump, mention of blood related ritual

October 1925

As Jenny slowly awoke, there was a strange warmth on her face, and something unusually soft underneath her. She luxuriated in it for a moment, comfortable and sleepy, before bolting upright as though she'd been pulled by a string.

Her master! What time was it? She was awake, and she couldn't remember what tasks she was meant to be performing, and she'd probably overslept. She could practically feel the sting of her master's crop.

It took a few moments for her to return to her senses and realize that she was not in her master's manor. She was in a small room, sparsely furnished, and the warmth on her face was the sun streaming in. It had been so long since she'd seen the sun that she couldn't help pressing herself against the window. The view wasn't much, just a dingy alley and a brick building next door, but the small glimpse of blue sky was enough for her.

She was out. She was free. Her master was dead.

Exhilaration churned with dread in her stomach. She'd spent so long under his spell, conditioned to obey and serve, that she couldn't help but feel empty without his presence. As much as she'd longed for her freedom, now that she had it, she couldn't help the smallest twinge of regret. The manor had been a prison, but she'd always been told exactly what to do and what to think, and there was a kind of comfort in that. There was comfort in having a purpose, even if that purpose was serving a vampire.

What would she do now? What did she even want to do? She'd long since smothered any dream more ambitious than seeing the sun again. Worry and doubt filled her mind, and she wished she could just go back to sleep… sleep… and obey… sleep… and obey…

She was woken again by a knock on the door. "Good evening, Jenny. May I come in?"

Jenny was on the floor, kneeling for an imaginary master who would never return, and judging by how sore her knees were, she'd been there for a while. The light through the window was now the long-forgotten orange of a sunset. Embarrassed, Jenny scrambled back up to sit on the bed. She was still wearing her clothes from yesterday, but that would have to do. "You can come in!"

Vivian entered. "How are you doing?"

"I'm well," she said, not wanting to cause any trouble for her savior.

"It's all right if it's hard on you. It's hard on most thralls, to bring their minds back from years of enthrallment." She sat on a wooden chair next to the window. "I thought you might like some breakfast, if you want to come to the kitchen. I'll show you the bathroom and give you a clean set of clothes, too."

"That's very kind of you, miss," said Jenny, only growing more uneasy. Kindness always came with a price, but she didn't have a choice but to rely on the vampire hunter's charity for now. She meekly followed Vivian to the kitchen, where a large pot of porridge was steaming on the stove. Her mouth watered.

"I hope porridge and milk is okay. It will be easy on your stomach," said Vivian. "I woke you in the afternoon so you can start adjusting to a daytime schedule again."

Jenny stared down at the food. In the rare moments when she got to imagine being free, she always pictured it as somehow triumphant -- running through a sunny field, carefree. But it wasn't like that at all. Everything felt wrong, wrong, wrong, her conditioning still clawing her mind back to the place she had escaped from. It felt wrong to eat fresh food at the table, wrong to not have anyone to serve, wrong even to be awake for so long.

"You don't have to serve me," said Vivian, gently. "It's all right."

Jenny blinked, and realized that she was kneeling at Vivian's feet, somehow. A hazy memory bubbled up in her mind of when she had first been conditioned to serve her master, how she would be aware one moment and groveling at his feet the next, his glinting pocketwatch heavy in her mind. A memory tinged with her shame and despair at her inability to resist his hypnosis.

Another blink, and she was sitting at the table again, spoon in her hand and the porridge half gone. She must have eaten her breakfast while entranced.

"Feeling better?" asked Vivian.

Jenny's face burned. Being asleep and entranced would almost be preferable to the humiliation of fading in and out. "I'm sorry," she said, choking back tears. "It's my master's spell. He enthralled me to remain asleep… well, not asleep exactly, although that's what he called it. I'd be under his spell and have to do the… do the chores… while my mind…" Her vision was blurring, her thoughts evaporating, even as she tried to explain.

"Hey, stay with me." Vivian snapped in front of her face, startling Jenny back into wakefulness. "That sort of trance is common for thralls."

"Common for thralls…" Jenny repeated numbly. It was one thing when she'd been trapped in her master's manor for years, surrounded only by other thralls. There was no point to having shame in her condition, because there was no one else to see it. Now, returning to the world of humans, that shame burned inside her, mixing with her worries.

"I need to ask…" Jenny wrung her hands in her skirt. "What is going to happen to me now? I… I don't have anywhere to go home to… I used to work in a lace factory, but I can't work there any more if I'm… like this…" She could just picture the scolding she would get if she dared to nod off at work, not to mention the danger of slipping into a trance when she was operating one of the huge machines. She'd seen a girl get her fingers ripped off, a sight that not even a vampire's thrall could ever erase from her memory.

"It's all going to be okay!" said Vivian in a tone that made Jenny doubt she really grasped the gravity of the situation. "You can stay here while you're recovering. The enthrallment will fade in time, and I have a way to help you with it."

"But I can't pay you back for your hospitality --"

"Don't even worry about it. Do you remember those trinkets I liberated from your master's bedroom? I sell the treasures I take from vampires to support thralls who need it. Don't you think you deserve to use his money to support yourself?"

The conditioned part of her wanted to protest that her master had given her food and shelter and purpose, and that was enough. The rest of her, though, was nodding along with Vivian's reasoning. After all, she'd worked hard for Lord Edgar for years without getting paid a wage, and her living conditions had been meager. She did deserve some of his money.

"The hunters' guild visited your old manor today to collect the remaining thralls and start sorting things out."

"The remaining thralls? Are they all okay?"

"They were fine, from what I've heard, and I'm sure they'll be taken care of. What's more, the guild is going to start liquidating the vampire's possessions. The money will be split between me, guild upkeep, and the thralls. You should expect a decent windfall - at least a few thousand dollars."

"A few thousand?" said Jenny, astonished. That was far more money than she'd ever had in her life, more than she'd ever dreamed of. That was enough money to go to school and get an education for a better job. That was enough that she wouldn't need to share a room with three other women, one that was always frigidly cold in winter and filled with insects in summer. That was enough for a new coat and shoes, good ones that didn't require constant mending.

"I thought that would cheer you up," said Vivian.

"That's… that's wonderful. I can't even imagine what I'll do with all of that money, besides go back to school," said Jenny. Of course, her mental condition would be a problem at school, too. Even now, she could hear the whisper in her mind telling her that thralls didn't need to think, just obey --

"Jenny." Vivian was shaking her by the shoulder. "Jenny, wake up."

"I'm so sorry!" she said, coming to.

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

She simply couldn't keep blanking out like this, couldn't keep falling back into a pointless need to serve a master who was now dead. "You said you might be able to help with the enthrallment?"

Vivian nodded. "There's something I can do for you, but the technique absolutely must remain secret, and it's a bit -- Tell you what, I'll show you after I take Bobby his breakfast. You can come with me and meet Bobby if you'd like. He's another former thrall, but one less fortunate than you."

As much as she was interested in meeting another former thrall, one who might understand her troubles, Jenny couldn't help but be nervous about what would count as less fortunate than her. "Sure, I'd like to meet Bobby."

Vivian scooped a bowl of porridge from the pot on the stove and swept down the same hallway where Jenny's room was, this time entering a door on the left. The room was small and furnished only with a bed and chest of drawers, but it was neatly kept. On the bed, there was a sleeping man mostly covered in a thick blanket. Vivian shook him gently. "It's time to eat, Bobby."

Bobby sat up with an unnaturally stiff motion. His vacant eyes didn't seem to react to Vivian or Jenny, instead fixed on a spot on the blank wall. Vivian held the bowl of porridge in front of him with one hand and a spoon with her other hand, and Jenny was surprised when he took them both and began to eat. He ate quickly and rhythmically, looking as though he didn't taste or even know what he was eating.

"Bobby, this is Jenny," said Vivian, motioning towards an uneasy Jenny. "She used to be a thrall, just like you. Do you want to say hello?"

He looked up at her -- or really, through her. "Hello, Jenny," he said in a dull voice.

"Hello, Bobby. It's nice to meet you."

So this was what Vivian had meant by less fortunate. He didn't even seem to know what was happening around him. Could this have been her fate, if she had been purchased by a different vampire? Was Lord Edgar somehow a mercy?

Bobby finished his porridge and cleared his throat. "What are my tasks today, sir?" he said to Vivian, handing the bowl back.

"You can sweep the floors and clean the kitchen if you please, but you're not required to do any tasks at all, remember?"

"Yes, sir." He swung his legs over the bed and walked out of the room with that strange, stiff gait.

"You must think it's awful that I'm making Bobby do chores," said Vivian, once he'd left the room. "Because of the way he was conditioned, he gets dreadfully upset if he doesn't have any tasks for the day. It's been the only way to keep him calm."

"I can understand." Jenny also felt an aching void, a lack of purpose, one that used to be filled with the chores Lord Edgar always had her do. Even knowing her master was dead, even seeing his now-lifeless corpse disintegrating on the floor, she was still so nervous that she wasn't serving a vampire. A superior being… one of her betters…

She managed to shake off the daze before it took her again. "If it isn't rude to ask… what happened to Bobby?"

"He was erased," said Vivian. "It's a process the vampires use to remove a human's free will, memories, personality… everything they are. It turns them into a shell of their former self. It's almost impossible to fully recover from, even with my techniques, and even if he did, he'd never be the same."

"That's horrible…"

"It's done at auction houses. Did you come from an auction house?"

Foggy memories of prison cells surfaced in her mind. "Yes." She hoped Vivian wouldn't ask her how she'd ended up there. How she'd practically volunteered herself like a damned fool, believing a vampire's lies about a better life. She'd already paid the price for her foolishness many times over.

"Do you remember anything about how you were enthralled there?"

"I'm not sure…" Many of her memories of her time in vampires' captivity were vague and muddled, since she'd spent so much of it in a deep hypnotic trance. "I remember a big chair. I was trying to fight it, I think, but the vampires were so much stronger than I was. They strapped me in, and one of the vampires started to hypnotize me. She did something that made me so sleepy that I just couldn't stay awake… and after that, I had to obey anything they told me."

"That sounds like a typical experience. Do you know who it was who enthralled you?"

Jenny could just picture the blurry outline of that vampire, the way she'd looked through unfocused, half-closed eyes. Her memory was mostly of that beautiful voice, how lovely she'd felt, better than she ever had before or since. "She was small, I think. Smaller even than me. She really didn't look like a vampire at all -- or at least how I would have imagined a vampire to look."

"That would be Lily."

"Miss Lily! Yes, that's who it was. You know her?"

"Oh, she's a notorious vampire. She seems to be in charge of hypnotizing humans at the local auction house. So many of the thralls remember her that we know quite a bit about her, including where she probably lives -- but every hunter who has gone to try and kill her has ended up a thrall. Now none of them will go near her."

Miss Lily had looked like any ordinary woman you might pass on the street. It was terrifying to think of vampires like that walking among ordinary people at night, stealing them away and erasing their minds. "Are there many powerful vampires like her?"

"Unfortunately, yes. This city is overrun with vampires who seem to think they're untouchable, like Lily and your former master. I'm always searching for new leads on the most troublesome bloodsuckers. Maybe you've heard of some of them… have you heard of a Lady Martha? A Lord Jonathan, perhaps? Lady Jessica? Mistress Lotus?"

She shook her head. The names she'd heard and the vampires she'd met were all swirled together in Jenny's mind. Lord Edgar had taken her to a number of social events, but she'd spent them all in a daze, dressed in a ballgown worth more than her and kneeling at Lord Edgar's feet while he chatted and laughed.

"Dr. Edith?"

"Dr. Edith! I do remember her!" Jenny felt triumphant at having remembered at least one bit of knowledge. "Once, I had a terrible case of flu. I was so ill that I fully expected I'd die right there, in a bed in my master's manor. He called for Dr. Edith to help me," she explained. "She brought me medicine and soup to drink, and cool cloths to soothe my fever. She was very nice, not at all like some of the other vampires."

"Edith is an old vampire, a doctor they bring in to help keep their thralls alive. A lot of thralls have stories like yours."

Jenny realized what her knowledge was going to be used for. "You're not going to kill her, are you?"

"She's a vampire."

"But she helped me…"

"She also keeps at least one human enslaved for her blood, probably more," said Vivian. "I don't doubt that some vampires are kinder or more reasonable than others. I've seen myself the differences in the ways they treat thralls. But all of them, even the most kind and reasonable vampires, capture humans to feed on their blood. They all need to die."

"I guess you're right…" Jenny swallowed the lump in her throat. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the thought of Vivian slaughtering that kind old woman who'd brought her soup when she was so desperately ill. "Are there a lot of hunters?" she said, hoping to change the subject.

"No, there aren't. That's one of the reasons why the city is so overrun," she said. "Twenty years ago, everyone in the hunters' guild was killed by a legendary vampire in a failed raid of his manor. Since then, the guild's had barely a handful of qualified hunters, and the bloodsuckers practically have free reign of the city."

"That's dreadful… The vampire who killed all of those hunters, is he still…?"

"He's certainly still out there. No hunter has attempted to kill him since, for obvious reasons. We don't even know where his manor is, since all hunters with that knowledge died, and none of the thralls we've rescued know more than a scrap of information about him." Vivian restlessly balanced her chair on two legs. "You haven't happened to have heard of the Maestro, have you?"

"No, I haven't."

"It's not surprising. We only just recently got a lead on him, the first in years. A famous ballerina was kidnapped, and one of the perpetrators matches his description. It fits what we believe to be his motives, too. But actually tracking down a vampire like that? No one's done it."

"Are you going to try and kill him yourself?" said Jenny anxiously.

"If I can find him."

"You aren't scared?"

"I'd be an idiot if I wasn't scared. But with my magic, I can defy his powers, and I might be able to succeed where the other hunters failed." She looked so determined that Jenny couldn't doubt her. "A vampire like that can't just be left to roam free and kidnap whoever he wants forever and ever. Someone has to kill him. But I don't have enough information, so I'm hunting down other vampires for now."

"…I see," said Jenny. "What about Miss Lily, then? You said you know where she lives, right?"

Vivian's bravado noticeably faded. "I suppose I should go after Lily. But I'd really prefer not to."

"I can understand that… but she does seem a lot less frightening than that other vampire would be. Don't you think so?"

The only sound in the room was the squeak of chair legs as Vivian fidgeted. "…The Maestro killed all of the hunters, that's true," she said, finally. "But Lily has turned at least a dozen hunters into helpless, mindless thralls. I'd much rather die than be a thrall."

"Oh…" So that was how she must look to Vivian, someone who suffered a fate so shameful that Vivian would rather die.

It wasn't as though she didn't understand. There were times in Lord Edgar's service when she'd woken up enough to understand that years of her life were slipping away, and sometimes she thought that she'd rather be dead.

But she hadn't really meant it. After all, she'd thought she'd never again see sunshine, and yet today she'd woken up to blue skies out of her window.

Even with everything that had happened, she was still glad to be alive.

"I have another reason, as well," Vivian said, breaking into Jenny's thoughts. "My mother was a vampire hunter, and a damn good one. And that night, the night of the failed raid, she never came home." Vivian's hands clenched at her pants. "I have to kill the Maestro, no matter what. If I don't do it, I don't think anyone else will."

"I'm sorry about your mother," said Jenny, uncertain what to say.

"It was a long time ago," said Vivian, although there were tears in her eyes. "I've spent all this time learning to be a great vampire hunter, to resist their tricks and their enthrallment… which reminds me. I was going to help you clear the enthrallment from your mind."

"Oh, yes, please."

"Follow me upstairs."

Jenny followed Vivian up a rickety and dark spiral staircase, where every step was a different height and the boards creaked. They reached a cramped space, dimly lit with the last of the day's sunlight, with thick cobwebs in the ceiling and dust on the floor. There were books and candles and other strange objects strewn about, and in the center of the floor, a large white symbol was painted. It was a circular kind of seal with words written in a language Jenny had never seen, and it was splattered in many places with what looked like dried blood.

"It's a ritual circle," Vivian explained. "It's a way to remove a vampire's influence from a thrall. I'm still refining it, so it isn't perfect, but I think it will help you."

Jenny's mouth was dry, making it hard to get the words out. "Is that… is that blood on the floor?"

"Oh! That. No need to worry, it's only my own blood."

Previous > Masterlist

It's good to have lofty goals.

Next week, Oliver is shared by his masters.

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[kodzumaru]

caught in the middle

major trigger warning: graphic descriptions of self harm, suicide attempt

dazai osamu x gender neutral reader: comforting him after a suicide attempt

a/n: this was inspired by the song caught in the middle by paramore. please beware of the trigger warning. if you’re still reading, please, PLEASE know that you matter and you are loved. if you feel like you have no one on your side and you think you’re in danger, please reach out for help. i promise things will get better, it’s just a matter of time and patience. i am so grateful you exist, don’t forget how important you are. i love you, we can be friends and have a chat if you feel like it! ♡

this is the first time i post something i wrote all by myself (during a not-so-positive time), please be kind as english is not my first language and i know i have a lot of room for improvement! i hope you enjoy ♡

“osamu!” you exclaimed before you could attempt to restrain yourself. your lover was sitting on the cold bathroom floor, where shiny red pooled dripping from dazai’s bandaged wrists. a thin razor blade was firmly held between his shaking fingers, and fell from his hands as he was caught like a deer in highlights, right in the middle of the act. you quickly realized he was so lost in his violent doings that he hadn’t even heard the door opening.

his eyes widened and he bit his lower lip, while you slammed the cabinet door open and gasped once your suspicions were proved correct. you grabbed his pile of bandages and then tried to calm your behavior as you faced your boyfriend again. “baby i’m gonna make you throw up right now, okay? it’ll feel uncomfortable, but i need to make sure that everything you’ve swallowed comes back up.” you spoke as softly as you could, struggling to move his limp body close to the toilet before kneeling down, pressing a quick kiss to his head and then holding his face between your hands. you cupped his cheek and stuck two fingers past his lips and down his throat, stimulating his gag reflex. “i promise you’ll feel better after this,” you whispered as he started throwing up and a couple stray tears escaped from his eyes. “you’re doing a great job, osamu.”

your boyfriend remained silent, not uttering a single word in shame. shame for his thousandth failed attempt, shame for hurting your feelings, and shame for being caught in the middle.

once you figured he’d expelled most of what he had taken, you flushed the toilet and moved dazai into a more comfortable position, with his back against the bathtub. you wiped his remaining tears away with your thumbs and pecked the tip of his nose, careful not to accidentally bump into his wrists in the process. “now i’ll be taking your bandages off,” you told him, before meticulously unwrapping the soft fabric drenched in blood. he didn’t protest, and you took it as a good sign.

“i’m going to leave your side for a second, is that okay? i need to clean your wounds, so let me grab a warm cloth for you.” he nodded his head and mouthed an ‘okay’, his voice not coming out. you smiled at him signaling that you got the message, and moved to the sink, deciding that a towel damp with warm water will do for the moment. you also fill a cup with tap water for him to drink, figuring he’d have a sore throat from his throwing up from earlier. you soon kneeled down by him again, took care of his cuts and thoroughly covered them in new, clean bandages.

you then shifted to get between his legs and pulled his aching head to your chest, softly ruffling his hair and leaving kisses all over it. one hand lowered over his back to rub comforting circles, while the other cradled his head and kept it in place. dazai melted into your embrace, silently finding relief in your presence. you figured it would take him some time to speak up and talk to you again, so you reassured him, whispering how his silence was completely valid and respected.

“i’m so glad you are still here.”