#if this is triggering for some people i won't be offended if you don't read

[olderthannetfic]

Okay, I need advice: I'm in a very tiny fandom (like less than two dozen active people and everyone knows each other) and one of the women in it is kind of freaking me out.

We became mutuals because we had some good discussions on some of the characters we liked, but I soon became sort of uncomfortable with a lot of her online behavior whereas simultaneously she's DM-ing me more and more.

She's one of those people who's a hardliner on the issues she cares about (mostly feminism- and SA-related) while talking over people when it comes to issues she doesn't care about (mostly racism and related things). And I see a lot of her trying to intrusively police how other people talk/act, derailing people's posts, arguing with people online over the most stupid shit (where not even her own opinions come off as overly coherent - this week she'll argue something along the lines of "men are evil" and the next she'll argue that people are "demonizing masculinity" - I'll add for clarification that she's not a TERF and supports trans rights but boy... Does she sound like one sometimes) and then digging through people's profiles to find and publicize minor transgressions and bad takes, passive-aggressive vagueposting, and going into mental breakdowns over the most innocuous of online interactions.

TBH she scares me. As someone who suffered through toxic people getting overly attached to me, I genuinely sometimes get a physical reaction when I see her lashing out on the dash.

And she keeps initiating conversations! And sometimes I don't reply or bring the conversation to a natural closure and she keeps at it, or sends me random fics of hers to read that I don't have the heart to tell her don't interest me or whatever. And recently when she disagrees with something I reblogged she direct messages me to rant about it - with a lot of sort of indirect language because she doesn't want to offend me but I can see the intent. The last couple of times I replied politely because I cared about clearing misunderstandings on the topic but next time I'm just gonna tell her I dislike it when she does that.

I really want this person to stop interacting with me, to be honest, and all my polite hints to the effect go unnoticed. But the fandom is so small I feel awkward and uncomfortable about unfollowing or blocking her. I don't think she's too bad of a person, she just comes off as very... Mentally ill, I guess? And since I've tried to be polite so far I feel like it might come out of left field for her?

TBH I feel like something about her behavior also triggers some kind of freeze/fawn reaction inside of me that I don't often get and consequently don't know how to deal with.

So I need impartial advice because I don't see the situation clearly myself

--

To summarize, a person who is a walking red flag wants to be friends, and you can't easily ghost her because the fandom is small.

I think you have to accept that there is no low-conflict way out of this.

That's what's holding you back, right? You don't want more drama and you know it's coming. I think you already know in your heart of hearts that you need to get away from her even if it's a pain in the ass.

Step one is to stop responding to her DMs. That will probably make her reach out more, but you should keep not responding. If she escalates and attacks you over it, block her.

The more you offer reasons or try to gently hint, the more that will encourage her. I don't think that's true of everyone, but I do think it's the case here. This is both because it doesn't sound like she's good at perceiving or respecting boundaries and because she inspires a bad lack of ability to assert boundaries in you.

I agree that it's unfortunate that you can't stand up for yourself or tell her plainly when she's out of line, but since you can't and that probably won't change any time soon, you'll need to protect yourself a different way. Sometimes, we just have to avoid people who are bad for us even when it's an us problem. (And here, whoaaaa red flags, so I don't think it's just a you problem anyway.)

There are many sad, lonely, needy people in the world. Some of them are officially mentally ill in some way with a diagnosis. Some just need things they aren't currently getting. That sucks...

But it's also not your job to fix.

[cupidspup]

CG!Ticci-Toby x Little!Reader

All art credit above goes to the original artist!!

A/N (PLEASE READ!):

OKAY SO-- It's been a long while since I've done a fic (especially an agere one) SO PLEASE BE NICE (╥ᆺ╥；) I love writing but it takes a lot of courage and energy and when it comes to agere fics it's especially for littles who feel lonely and take comfort in reading a fic! I want my fics to be something that allows littles like me (who have a softer heart and need extra lovins) feel better and more little!! And I've decided to start writing again by being indulgent in what I write! Today's prompt is based off of what I remember from creepypasta when I was young and I'm not very well versed in any of their lore as much as I used to be skdksks if that's not your thing that's okay! I just hope you enjoy my writing! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ anywho! Back to the post!! Below are some trigger warnings if needed :3 I won't be including anything too graphic or anything but there *MAY* be a curse word or two or just more adult things since they're serial killers x) (I'm writing this all before I'm writing it lol)

- ꒰ა♡ Kewpie ♡໒꒱

Trigger Warnings:⤵

Strong language, mentions of blood (past tense/present), implications of death/murder via the presence of blood (past tense and very minimal), mentions of weapons, masc caregiver nicknames (daddy, dada, baba, papa, ect), feminine and gender neutral nicknames (princess, kid/kiddo, tiny)

Summary

Toby comes back to Slendermansion after a long day on the job only to find you asleep in bed! Oh no that won't do! He wants to see his baby!

Not a trigger warning but more so something to keep in mind: I know Toby is/was known for a stutter because of his tics BUT I will NOT write the way he speaks like people used to. I don't have Tourrettes myself but I also know that stuttering doesn't always happen when you have it. I also did do research on him a little and found that his tics are more physical rather than verbal! I would like to avoid doing it until im more knowledgeable about it just so i dont offend anyone on accident ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა If any of you guys feel that I need to change anything or would like to educate me please do in the comments or in private in a polite manner! ^^

It's dark out and you're already snuggled into your bed. Going to sleep alone isn't very uncommon and you've gotten used to it. You and your daddy have put together quite the bedtime routine to make up for your lack of tucking ins! As you're cuddled nice and warm into bed, there's a slight creak in the door.

Not enough to wake you up, it's slow and quiet. You hear footsteps make their way throughout the room, closer to your bed. This is what makes you stir and start to wake up.

The footsteps stop. They know you're awake now.

You groan as you sit up, squinting and looking into the darkness. "Dada?" You wait for an answer. The footsteps resume this time faster.

Finally, the mystery person comes out from the shadows. The gentle light from your nightlight shining on them and it's your one and only caregiver, Toby!

He excitedly makes his way back to your side of your bed, sitting right by you. Before he does anything else he makes sure to put his (now clean) hatchets away before hugging you close. Toby always gives the best hugs, even though his tics are unpredictable it doesn't mean the firm yet gentle squeeze isn't nice to sink into.

"Yes, princess? Did I.. did I wake you? I'm sorry if I did. I was trying to be quiet, but I was just, just so excited to see you! You, you're just so cute when you're snoozin away like that!"

His mind goes a thousand miles a minute, and his mouth can't catch up, especially with his tics. So there's a stutter here and there. Not that it's a very big issue. It's just how your daddy talks! And you love it when he talks.♡

You yawn and lean into him, your eyes closed as you try to wake yourself up more. It's very late, if you were big enough to read the clock you'd probably know but now? Clocks are for big kids and you? You're very small, so the moon shining light through the window is enough for now.

"C'mon, cutie I know you can hug, hug me better than that! You missed your dada, didn't you?" He says in a playful tone, squishing you slightly in his arms. You reach your hands up to him and give him your best sleepy hug. To which he holds you even longer, resting his cheek on the top of your head. When he does you feel this weird wet substance and it makes you fuss a little.

"Mmmm babaaaaa m no like itttt" you whine at him.

He releases you from his hug and takes his goggles off, looking at you confused. "What do you mean, baby? What's going on?" When you look him in the eye you see it, he's got a small cut on his cheek and it's leaking blood. He probably doesn't feel it due to his disorder that prevents him from feeling pain in the first place. You yawn and point sleepily at his cheek. "You gots messy on you face, dada"

He feels around his face before touching his cheek right above his muzzle before looking at his gloved hands. Sure enough there's a spot of blood on the fabric where he touched.

"Oh no that's no good, thank, thank you for telling me kiddo! Daddy wouldn't have known if it wasn't for you! Wanna make it all better and put some...some cute bandaids on it?" He says to you with a smile, cleaning the blood off of his gloves for the most part. You nod with a smile and start doing grabby hands at him, the lack of cuddling and holding already making you feel lonely.

He smiles at you wider than he already is and ruffles your hair a little before going off to the bedside drawer. He always has bandaids handy for you. You two are the perfect pair! A clumsy little with an even clumsier caregiver! What a match!

He carefully opens the box, taking out a few bandaids for you to choose from. Of course these are patterned all cute with your favorite characters on them! You smile at the selection and before Toby can tell you to choose one, you're already opening the packages to each of them.

"Sure we can put all of them on my ouchies! Be super super careful though, sweetheart. I don't want any of your cute pj's getting messy because of me alright?" He says with a cautious but still laid back and nice tone. You nod happily in response before sticking on all of the bandaids. Two actually did the job for what he had, but you also know Toby is never gonna say no to you when you put them all over him. By the end of it, Toby has some on his muzzle, his nose, forehead, even some on his fingers! Everywhere that your daddy has owies on or you know he might have some in the future. Extra love for him can never hurt!

He takes out his phone and looks at himself in the screen. Most people can't tell but because you're not most people you can see the little squint and grin across his face. He seems really happy with your bandaid makeover! He looks over his fingers fondly, chuckling at you trying to think ahead for him.

"How lucky am I to have such a..such a thoughtful lil one?" He says happily before sitting closer to you, his phone still unlocked in his hand. "I wanna remember this moment so how, how about we take a selfie together, cutie? I want to have something to see for when I miss you and you're not with me!" You smile and nod your head quickly at the idea, coming closer to him and cuddling up to his arm, nuzzling your nose into his neck and cheek.

"C'mon tiny, say 'Cheese!'"

"Cheeeee!!"

It takes a few tries to get a photo that isnt blurry from his tics but finally he takes the photo and looks it over. You look it over, too and you feel the swarm of butterflies flutter in your tummy. Being with your daddy always makes you so, so happy. Especially when he's so soft and sweet like this!

"Hey baby I found some, some filters! Let's take a few more!"

Once again you're snuggled up to your silly caregiver, posing for photos with him while he puts bunny ear filters and funny face filters. He saves each and every one and you can't help that fuzzy lil tingle in your chest when you see his gallery is basically only filled with you two. You smile and give him a lil peck on the side of his muzzle. To that he smiles from under it and puts his hand softly over the spot.

"Awe that was real sweet of you kid, what, what was that for?" He says with a happy tone.

Your face flushes a little as you twiddle your fingers, mumbling softly. Something about cute and loving your baba. He chuckles and pulls his goggles off, now seeing you much easier in the dim lit room.

Toby pulls his muzzle down just enough to lean in for a quick peck. He kisses your forehead softly and smiles at you before putting it back into place. ♡ His kisses always feel extra special when he does that. Toby doesn't like people seeing him without his muzzle, especially because of the gash on the side of his cheek. But with you, he knows that extra but of vulnerability goes a long way. You're his baby after all, if you trust him so much he should trust you just the same.

Once his muzzle is back on your stomach let's out a low growl. At first you're a little embarrassed but Toby isn't phased at all. As a matter of fact, Toby wastes no time picking you up and hoisting you to his hip. He rests you onto the side and carries you with one arm (because he's your daddy, of course he can carry his little one no problem!).

Carrying you is never an issue for Toby. It can only be a little difficult when he's has his tics or they come more than just once. But it never stops him! He just makes sure to hold onto you a little bit tighter and tries to move his head away when he does.

It's hard to predict when his tics will come but even when you're small you're understanding and patient. He's doing his best just like you are.

"Let's go get some midnight snacks for that lil tummy of yours huh? A midnight...midnight snack with my princess sounds delicious." He says as he tickles your tummy a little. He was about to start walking to the door before you started to fuss in his arms, squirming as you continue to whine.

"What is it baby what's wrong? Did Dada do something to make you upset? Are, are you sleepy? Hungry? Sad?" He questions as he bounces you gently. His questions come left and right as he continues trying to find the answer. You fussily point to your forgotten stuffie on the bed and turn back to whine at him. With that he finally gets the hint.

"Ooooh you, you just wanted your plushie! You silly billy you've gotta use your big kid words for stuff, stuff like that okay?" He goes back and retrieves your stuffie, snuggling it right into your arms before heading out the door.

This, of course, sends you even deeper into your little space. Even though he tells you to use big kid words, something about him babying you and talking to you that way just makes you melt. And he's fully aware of that too.

Finally, you're both out of the room and headed down the halls of the mansion to the kitchen. All the residents of Slendermansion are very aware of you and Toby and the different aspects of your guys' dynamics. They don't really care what you both do as long as you aren't making other uncomfortable and being civil they're all pretty on board! That or stick to themselves for the most part.

Once you and Toby are in the kitchen he finds a place to set you down by the counter. Before starting his snack preparations he turns to you. "Can you be a good baby for Daddy and sit, sit here for me? Be reaaally careful so you don't fall okay? I need both of my hands for this so that I can make you...make you the bestest snack ever!" You give him an affirmative nod and snuggle your plushie closer for comfort. You see his eyes squint as he smiles, he pets your hair gently before ruffling it.

"That's a good baby, so we'll behaved" He says affectionately, "I'll be...I'll be done in just a minute okay, tiny?" You nod affirmatively again and flush slightly at his praise and gentle touch.

Toby rummaged through the cabinet, taking out a cute bowl fit for a small child. With some more rummaging he finds some baby puffs along with an adult sized baby bottle. Of course, this one is decorated and themed to your liking. He fills the bowl with the puffs to an amount you both can share. He knows you enjoy sharing your snacks with him and honestly, baby puffs "smack" (according to him) and he'd eat them with you any day.

Once the bowl is filled he heats some milk with honey in the microwave (Toby isn't allowed to use the stove unless there's another person with him - regressed babies do not count). While the milk heats up he brings the bowl to you and offers a puff up to your mouth.

"Here sweetheart, say 'ahh' for me." He says happily.

You do as told and he pops in a puff. You chew on that and offer him one, to thar he quickly pulls down his muzzle and lets you feed him a few at a time. Not too many at once due to his gash. After a few more moments of you feeding each other, Ben walks into the room. He comes in without looking up, busy playing with his games on his phone.

" 'Sup." He says as he makes his way to the fridge.

"Hey dude, whatcha up to? Is, Is it snack time for you too? Whatcha gonna do after that?" Toby starts to bombard him with questions, always one to not only strike up conversation but carry that conversation too.

"Jesus Toby one at a time I can barely answer the first God damn question-" Ben says at first before looking at you. He stops in the middle of his sentence before lowering his voice.

"Didn't notice you had the baby with you." He takes a random snack from the fridge and closes it, leaning against the counter close to you while he eats it. Toby feeds you some more puffs, keeping you occupied as you wave at him politely.

Ben has seen you this way before so you don't mind being little with him that much. He's even babysat you before a couple of times, though most of those times were spent playing games (that he would let you win sometimes). Ben definitely acts like the big brother when he's around you. And because he's like your big brother he waves but sticks his tongue out at you right after. You stick your tongue out back at him before giggling a little.

"Hey you two be nice to each other," Toby says, piping up slightly, "I've still got to put them back to sleep Ben, don't rile them up too much either." Ben waves Toby off and rolls his red pupils.

"Yeah, yeah I know it's fine. We're just messing around." Ben responds, perfectly dismissing Toby's protective nature around you. Just when Toby is about to respond the microwave beeps, signaling that your bottle is ready! "Actually, I need a favor from you." Toby says as he takes it out, handing the bottle like it's nothing at all.

Ben looks at Toby with a curious look, waiting to hear what the favor is. Toby hands him the bottle. "Test that on your arm, I need to know if it's warm but not too hot for the baby."

(Of course Toby and Ben's repeated use of "the baby" makes you feel even more babyish and has you regressing even further. Big kid vocabulary is out the window and it's semi-nonverbal time for you.)

"What?? Why?? I don't wanna do that do it yourself." Ben protests quickly, going back to his phone.

"Dude I can't, I feel numb all of the time how, how would I even know?" Toby rebuttals to Ben just as quick.

Ben huffs and takes the bottle in his hand, turning it over his wrist and letting it drip onto him. "Ugh fine gimme that." He waits a second for it to process and see if it's hot or not. Luckily the bottle was just right so he hands it right back to Toby, licking the milk off of his wrist. "Its fine you can give it to the kid now."

Toby takes it with a smile and batting his eyelashes at Ben while he puts the bottle in his large pockets. "Thank you Bennie~" he says with a sickenly, sweet voice. Ben, of course, rolls his eyes at this and keeps at his game.

"C'mon cutie it's time to put you to sleep. Say 'bye-bye' to big brother Bennie!" He says as he hoists you back onto his hip, walking away. You smile and wave at Ben, "Bai Bai Bennie!!" You say happily to him. He looks up and waves back a little at you, a little smile across his face. "Bye gremlin, sleep well."

Toby makes his way back to the room and sits on your guys' bed. He lets out a long sigh as he sits, now situating you onto his lap as he gets ready to feed you. With you rested into his arms and the bottle at the ready, you both were absolutely ready for bedtime. He takes his muzzle off and smiles, kissing your forehead. "Drink up tiny, it's time that... that daddy puts you sleep! I'll head to bed once you're snoozin away don't worry kiddo."

He brings the bottle up to your lips and before he can even tell you to open wide you already do so, guzzling down the sweet drink he made you. Toby absolutely melts at how cute you are, squishing you a little closer just to relish in you. And of course, you cuddle into him just as much.

He always does such a good job at taking care of you and doing all the little things. Even though his tics can get in the way or startle you awake again, you never get angry with him or fuss. Maybe it was new to navigate at first but you know that it was out of his control and he always does his best to keep them under control when it's necessary.

Finally, you finish your bottle and bury your face into his chest. Curling up and fully starting to fall asleep again. Toby puts your finished bottle on the nightstand and rests his cheek on top of your head for a few seconds. Just to savor this moment. He loves these moments so much. He softly rocks you as you drift to sleep, rubbing your back gently as he does.

"I love you baby. I'll head to bed too." He says before laying down fully with you in his arms as he pulls the covers over you both. With a quick kiss on your cheek the night is once again peaceful and you're together again.

♡

A/N: Waaah! It's finally finished!! It took me so, so long to do everything but its finished and I'm so proud of myself for sticking it out QwQ I really hope you guys liked this story, it's truly just so nostalgic to me and honestly has such a nice place in my heart 🩷 This is my first agere fic with a character and I hope I did well!! I was so anxious about this but I think I did well with balancing everything out hehe ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა I'm going to head back to sleep now but I'll have another fic up soon! ૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა if you have any requests or suggestions please comment or submit them to my account I love it when people do those! :3 (also maybe a sorta part 2 with Big brother Ben drowned? ८,,◐⩊◐,,ა ) hehehe okay bye for realsies now, stay safe everyone!૮ ᴖﻌᴖა🩷

[bellatrixnightshade]

RAFAL in Relation to Other People

Warning: I won't be woobifying Rafal here or really putting him as a victim, so this may offend or bother people who stan him and forgive all his faults. Additionally, this has some toxic stuff here so if that is a trigger then I recommend not going through with it. And if you will go as far as to AGREE with it just because "my blorbo could have possibly said it", then I'm afraid you are missing my point and would rather have you click off.

So we already know how Rafal is as a brother, but how could he act in different familial relationships, like being a lover/spouse or a father?

As a lover/spouse: I'm sorry, but whether Rafal means to or not, he would easily be that toxic person in your life. He always is right (and you are wrong), and he appears to be the type to disregard one's feelings. If he hurts someone, he hardly ever apologizes, but you have to apologize to him. The closest he'll come to is a bullshit excuse. ("It wasn't my intention.") He makes you question yourself and the validity of your opinions, because, again, he is right. You can never get through to him or call him out, because at the end of the day, you are the problem, you are inferior, you have a childish mind, you are too sensitive. He slowly picks away at your self esteem, which was already low when you met him in the first place. (People drawn to him tend to have confidence issues??)

You don't leave him maybe because he doesn't have bad intentions, because he instilled in you codependence and now you don't know what to do without him, or maybe Rafal somewhat regretted hurting you, so you accept that. And ultimately, you trusted him, you believed in him, so, stupid you has to face the consequences. Everything that happened is your fault because you should have seen Rafal wasn't a good person!

Rafal just seems wayy too sheltering and overprotective and he'd take away his lover's ability to make most of their own choices or have their own lives-- slowly but surely, and perhaps, unintentionally.

Not to mention, he is possessive af! Red flag right there.

I hope that any lover of Rafal leaves him and they see their own worth, instead of running back to him. Because to be honest, he seems like a hypocritical, arrogant, and insufferable jerk. (most of the time) Either that or Rafal gets his act together and has some self reflection. He isn't a vampire for crying out loud!

As a father: oh. The father who is very, very, VERY overprotective and sheltering. A helicopter parent, even. He makes you think sometimes, "why do I have this curse of a father??" and sometimes you wish something could happen like a virus doing its job and you are "free." (Please don't actually wish this on your difficult parents unless they are really shitty!) Rafal embarasses his kids but being rather ultrastrict and old-fashioned and they probably don't know much of the world because of him. Everything has to be "educational" (which isn't a bad thing in itself but for the love of whatever please don't overdo it and make it corny) so no video games, etc. Also if Rafal reads an article with research on how veggies can give cancer, your salads will be taken away!

Rafal will also go like, "I'm your only friend. You don't need friends because you have me," and he may break up some friendships you have. Oh also: no boys.

I feel like Rafal fits dad energy more, though even there he would be WAY too much. (Go away Rafal! Go adopt orphans and make their lives miserable instead of bothering other people.) But who knows? Maybe as the years go on he would cool down, or back off when they become adults. Unless they form a codependent relationship with him and he has to be the center of their lives, which is very possible. Let's watch Rafal slowly destroy a home because he's in the way! And of course, instead of giving his children's household space, he defends himself and puts himself in the right. His kids may call Rafal every day in a modern context and totally neglect their family. Or the family is going out? Rafal has to be there too, and his kid says nothing.

If Rafal comes home from work in a bad mood, I'm sure his kids try to run off because if they don't he will find something to criticize and they will get hour long lectures. I also feel like he'd lecture on other occasions and then get mad when his family doesn't care and they want to get back to what THEY have to do??

[kirikorik]

- And yet you left me. - And yet I left you. You'll never forget…

Joost Klein × fem!reader.

Summary: You loved each other when you were teenagers, then he ran away, and now he's back again, and no matter how much you try to avoid him, you won't succeed... After many years, you receive an invitation to a party in honor of Joost's loss at Eurovision.

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 16+! Triggers! Violence! Sexualization! Sexy theme! Not canon! The story is not reality and everything except the known facts is my fantasy!

I don't know English. Maybe there are a lot of mistakes. ♡♡♡

The party is in full swing. The sounds of electronic music are hitting your ears, but you are laughing happily, feeling the vibration in your chest. You are a little drunk, you want to relax a little after work, so you replace your drink with a new one and go further to the dance floor to forget yourself this evening. This party was a celebration of losing.

Just a few days ago, Eurovision ended, Switzerland won with some damn singer. You had nothing against the performer from this country, but you were still bitter and offended for what you did to the «main star» of this party. Joost Klein was expelled. He could have easily won, the vote ratings in his honor were skyrocketing. People liked his songs, his style, people liked him as a person. But the truth is that people couldn't help but like Joost. He was something of a cherished dream. Unattainable and too mundane. The guys wanted to be friends with him, the girls just wanted him. And yet he was excluded from Eurovision, and now Joost was celebrating his loss, his lost dream…

You raise your hands, the flashing lights in front of your eyes spin, sweat rolls down your forehead. The room is hot and stuffy, but you don't care. You don't care. Your only dream is that this evening will never end and that you will never see Joost again. But he's like a ghost, a silhouette shining in the golden light. Joost is irresistible from the tips of his snow-white hair to his bottomless blue eyes.

The crowd is moving, changing, and no matter how much you blink, you still see only him in front of you. He has white paint on his face, black circles around his eyes, he's wearing his favorite makeup, which makes your legs give way. He looks so fake… Joost is unpredictable. Joost is crazy. Joost… You're fucking in love with him.

Someone steps on your foot, but you don't care. You close your eyes painfully and swear to yourself that you won't open them until dawn today. So as not to see his silhouette, so as not to hear his voice in the songs tickling your ears, so as not to feel his hot palms on your ribs, so as not to cry from how hard his nails dig into your skin. He's standing behind you, snuggling up to you, dancing to your rhythm. He is tall, even very tall, so casually he puts his chin on top of your head and slows down to the beat of his music, as if you are dancing not to loud, rhythmic hip-hop, but to the melody accompanying your unforgettable waltz. People are drunk and don't notice you. You don't want to think about whether it's a dream, whether you feel his touch. You take a deep breath…

You and Joost weren't friends, but you were definitely more than just acquaintances. You've known him for most of your life, ever since you went to school, when you lived next door to him. Joost Klein is a naughty, arrogant wretch. — that's what your parents used to say. Joost Klein was a couple of years older than you, and you were forbidden to communicate with him, but, to tell the truth, you didn't even know him. You often watched from the window of the children's bedroom as he played ball with his father and older brother, but you were always afraid to approach them. Your parents never paid enough attention to you.

Once in childhood, your mother ordered you to put on black clothes. But you didn't listen and chose a white shirt with red hearts. Of course, no one told you that it was very important, your parents ignored you. Standing at the funeral of Joost's father, who died of cancer, you realized what a mistake you had made. Joost looked into your eyes without blinking, as if he had known you for a long time. He probably hated the scarlet hearts on your shirt. You tightened your grip on your mother's hand and lowered your tear-stained gaze to the ground.

He was thirteen, and you were a couple of years younger and didn't understand much when an ambulance arrived at your neighbor's house a year later. You didn't understand much when a body covered with a black cloth was carried out of the house on a stretcher. You didn't understand much when the white-haired boy jumped out after the doctors, screaming loudly and heartbreakingly. You didn't understand much when Joost's older brother held him in his arms, comforting him. You didn't understand a lot, but bitter tears were rolling down your cheeks. You never saw Miss Klein again.

You're afraid, but you still lean back against Joost's wide, sweat-soaked chest, cling to him as if for the last breath of air, but you don't open your eyes even when his right palm begins to slide over your cheek. He knows that you won't dare to look at him, and yet he's watching your face intently in the hope of seeing at least something.…

When Joost returned to school a few months later, he was smiling as if nothing had happened. As if his heart didn't hurt unbearably much. Then, looking at him from around the corner, you promised to share his pain with him. Being the only viewer of his YouTube channel, you, as the most devoted fan, listened attentively to all his speeches. You left likes on his videos, wrote comments, it seemed like you knew everything about him. You weren't sure if Joost at least remember your name.…

When you turned 15, you often watched at night as Joost ran away from home, as each time he was picked up by the same dark blue car with his friends. You dreamed of going to the same place where Joost went one day. He always returned just before dawn, always with a drunken sincere smile on his lips, always happy. Was he happy? Even a fool would have realized that it wasn't.

Your hips move in a slow rhythm to the right and left, Joost pressing his pelvis against you follows your every movement, exhaling hotly into the back of your head, making you tremble and tremble…

You remember the horror reflected on your face when you looked into someone else's blue eyes. So similar to Joost's eyes… A brunette twice your size was pinning you to the wall with his body… It's the first time you've run away from home after your adult friends. The guy standing in front of you was Joost's classmate, one of his best friends. But, nevertheless, it was he who persistently groped you, drunkenly muttering something and ignoring your tears, running his hands under your short skirt. The room is dark, music is blaring outside the door, no one will hear you.…

A calloused palm squeezes your thin neck, interrupting you breathing for a few moments, and then sliding back to your cheekbone. Your ears are blocked, you can't hear the music and Joost's ragged breathing over your temple. He doesn't say a word, but you understand everything and therefore drink the remaining alcohol in the glass at a time. There's no way you're going to listen to him. Do you want to forget about the existence of Joost Klein… And yet you're at his party. And yet you responded to his invitation, but not to the bell.…

You swallow back tears, mumble something about your parents, about your mother, beg him to stop and not touch you. But other men's hands are not listening to you, lifting up your short top. Other people's lips wetly kiss your neck, nibble your shoulders. You try to push Joost's friend away, but you can't do anything, he's older and twice your size, stronger…

You dig your nails into Joost's forearm, trying to stop him and forbid him to stop. You pray that he doesn't stop, and you hope that you're dreaming all this.

The flash is followed by a loud bang and swearing. Dirty alien hands are letting you go. You shiver and cling to the wall, staring wide-eyed at the floor. Your fingers lower the edge of your skirt, wanting to cover your body as much as possible. You're almost hysterical, and when someone else's hands fall on your shaking shoulders again, you shudder violently, raising your head sharply. Joost is standing in front of you. Pale. He seems very scared. There are drops of blood on his cheekbone, the knuckles of his right hand are broken, and his best friend is lying unconscious on the icy floor next to you. But he hugs you with trembling hands and prays that you will be all right. His sweet lonely neighbor, who seems to know everything about him and at the same time nothing at all. Joost was not a fighter, he was not an athlete, and although in junior high he often fought with other children, as he got older, he completely forgot about it. And yet, when he saw you in tears, his fists automatically clenched. He was only thinking about how to protect you. — It's time for us to go home. He says softly, before borrowing an old navy blue car from a friend and taking you away.…

You hate him. You hate it as much as you hate yourself. But for Joost, you are the most valuable, the closest. You're what he always wants, but his hands only touch you when he's drunk. His lips don't know the taste of your lips. His eyes have never seen your naked body. Although he would be willing to give a lot if you told him at least once — yes. You loved him. He knew it, but it was all terribly ridiculous, almost disgustingly funny.

It's cold in the car, it smells like weed and alcohol. Joost doesn't seem to have a driver's license. But you don't even think about it, clinging to the car window and shivering in the front seat. Joost's doesn't look at you, but he's gripping the steering wheel tightly. An oppressive silence fills the interior of the car, and only occasionally your short sobs scare the two of you.

— Bastard… — you whisper softly, bringing your hands back and painfully digging your nails into Joost's scalpel, tangling your hands in his snow—white hair. You think he doesn't hear your words, but Just just chuckles softly and snuggles closer to you.

You don't say a word to each other when your parents meet you at the door of the house more angry than scared, you want to hate Joost for telling your parents everything. But it seems that the contempt in the eyes of your mother and father in Joost's direction is enough for you two.

— Y/n… — he drunkenly mutters your name…

You're under house arrest, and all you have is a view of his house from the window. You cry, remembering everything that happened, and you can't contain your anger when you see Joost climbing out of his room window again late at night. But the car in the yard is already a different color: scarlet, expensive and shiny, and a tall brunette is driving… There is disappointment in your heart, pain in your soul…

His hands tickle your ribs, stroke your waist, pity your body. Joost is unpredictable, like the first snow in October or the last in May. He comes unexpectedly, bursts into your life without any warning, as if you've been waiting for him for a long time. Have you been waiting for him? In response, you are silent, but your trembling hands stroke his cheekbones, slide along his neck while you press your back against his chest. You arch in the small of your back and hear your bones crunch, but it doesn't hurt you, just a little bit.

He smiles, it seems to sparkle and happily at his new girlfriend, a fateful brunette his high school classmate. She is one of the most beautiful girls in school: rich parents, good reputation, excellent grades. Joost is her opposite, but opposites eventually attract, don't they? You bite the inside of your cheek, talking to your friends, but your eyes are glued to the newly minted couple cooing at the entrance to the chemistry room…

— Why again? — you mumble, knowing the answer perfectly well…

When you see them naked in Joost's bedroom through the window of your house, something inside dies. You cry loudly, wipe your tears into your pillow, swallow your sobs and hope that everything will end soon.…

— I promised you, — Joost replies with an ironic laugh, whispering in your ear. Your skin is covered with goosebumps, and tears come to your eyes again.

You're drunk again, you ran away from home again, but now you have a reason for it — non-reciprocal love. There is a fog in my head, a picture floats before my eyes, how you joyfully rush into the arms of some unknown guy. Now you're 16, now you can. Someone's lips are sliding down your neck, somewhere in your head your mind is screaming at you to run, whispering that you don't want this. Your heart squeezes painfully in my chest, and your watery eyes are filled with memories of that damn night when Joost's ex-best friend tried to force you… You feel sick, sick and…

— Do you remember the night I promised I'd never leave you? — that damn grin that suits Joost so well doesn't leave his lips while he leaves a trail of kisses on your neck. Maybe you'll finally come to terms, maybe you'll finally give a damn and just say — yes?

Your head is spinning, and your legs don't hold you at all when long-familiar male hands, covered with ridiculous tattoos, pull you out of someone else's arms. You want to scream, but you just melt under the influence of a few bottles of alcohol and obediently follow Joost through the crowd. Somewhere behind you, you hear a woman screaming. The scream of that brunette bitch, that's what you called her.

— You were very drunk, crying and begging me not to leave you, remember? — Joost is circling you in his arms, hoarsely and insistently, without stopping whispering…

You're screaming. Loudly, tearing his throat out as the car leaves the city. Joost doesn't say a word, he's mad as hell, and except for the look in his eyes — «I told you never to go to high school parties again.» — You can't see anything anymore.

— I'd like to forget… — you see bright lights through your closed eyelids.…

It's night outside, the sky is overcast, and you can't see the moon or the stars, only the headlights of a damn car you know illuminate the road. Joost is looking at you, right into your eyes. His face is young without wrinkles and although his life has been hard, he still has naivety in his soft features. His white fluffy hair, always sticking out in different directions is wet. His white T-shirt is stuck to his chest, he breathes loudly, pulls his light eyebrows together and shushes through his teeth… In all the years that you've known each other, you've never had a normal conversation. But it doesn't seem to be necessary for any of you when you impulsively approach him and find his lips at random. You're fucking drunk giving Joost your first kiss. Joost doesn't push you away, and you beg him never to leave you again, he swears he won't leave you.…

— You'll never forget… — the blond man laughs slyly, resting his chin on your shoulder, you can feel his heart beating in his chest with your shoulder blades, and you want to tear out your own.…

A ringing slap in the face tears the air with a pop. The fatal couple, consisting of an failed singer, a party lover and the obedient daughter of rich parents, breaks up right in the hallway of the school. Now Joost's ex-girlfriend slaps him in the face. It's painful. But instead of at least saying something to her, Joost looks sideways with his icy blue eyes at you…

— Never… — you stutter, and tears come to your eyes… It's not even fair…

You have never said words of love to each other, never swore eternal feelings and promised nothing. You did not meet, did not touch each other, only with glances, only in whispers, only with short poems and songs.

— Never… — he whispers in response to your words, but the music interrupts him.…

And after that, Joost drops out of school, just leaves without even finishing his studies, he doesn't tell you a damn thing, just disappears after your long nights on the hood of his battered car, when you watched the stars with such love, each other…

You beg him to tell you why when he's packing his bags. You ask him to explain to you why when he buys train tickets. You whisper, «What about me?» When he just sighs softly and obediently turns away and goes deep into his house. You do not dare to follow him.

— And yet you left me… — you say, laughing softly, with irony, as lonely tears roll down your cheeks.

A few hours before his flight, you call him on the phone, ignoring the screaming music behind you, the laughter of people and… Joost knows perfectly well where you are, but only listens silently to your drunken pleas to come back, pick you up from this damn party, as he always did. Take you home and take care of you. Joost hangs up, you try again, you text him with loud sobs: — «Damn bastard, I love you!» — But it never reaches him, and a notification is displayed on your phone screen: «The contact blocked you.»

— And yet I left you. — Joost confirms your words. There's no need to lie, you both know everything.

The house opposite is now empty, you will no longer find any of the members of the little Klein family. And neither his friends nor classmates know where he is. After six months, you give up and stop looking for him…

— I was looking for you. — you're not lying, and, to tell the truth, all those five years that you were so far from each other, you kept looking for him. You kept looking until one day you came across a song with a familiar voice on the radio. You were ready to die to those damn lines: «Hearts on her shirt, kisses on her cheeks. Tears, behind which the eyes are not visible, she screamed after: You swore! And I blocked her contact with a bitter smile on my lips.»

— I'm sorry. — the only thing he says, and you don't know if he's really sorry, but you just nod. Tears are already streaming down your cheeks…

— I hate you. — your hands drop, and you finally open your eyes, which are glistening with tears, but still don't turn around.

— It's not true! — Joost exclaims almost resentfully in your ear and jerks you sharply.

In the five years that he was gone, you tried to live without him. You graduated from high school with honors and entered a prestigious university. You forbade yourself to listen to songs and all the art, it reminded you of only one person you've known for a long time.

Your tear-stained eyes express neither hatred nor contempt, only deep resentment when you meet the gaze of clear blue irises. Joost is still the same, although he is five years older. He's 26 now, and your age difference doesn't seem that surprising. Blond tousled hair, the same as before but shorter. Bright eyebrows, the same as eyelashes. He has grown a short beard and a small mustache above his plump lips, but it suits him. He smiles and… It's still the same smile. A smile you haven't seen in so long. And the smile you've been in love with for so long.

Joost suffered and tortured himself all these five years, but he knew that it was necessary, he knew that otherwise his dreams would not come true. Sacrifices were required, and unfortunately, on the way to his success, the first and biggest obstacle was you, and he decided that before it was too late, before things went too far, he needed to leave. But he loved you, loved you all these years, and you can't count the countless drafts and tracks that he wrote for you, but without releasing them in the hope that one day, when he returns, you will forgive him and listen to all these hundreds of tracks dedicated only to you with him. He had a lot of albums with your name on them.

— I don't want to see you anymore… — you mumble, your gaze slides down. You don't want to see his painted face anymore, he always hid behind the mask of his openness. But you knew how his heart could ache, how his hands could tremble, what his needy hugs could be. He needed you as much as you needed him, and yet…

Joost's eyes narrow, he shakes his head with a slight understanding smile on his lips, and then bends lower knowing that you will not pull away and whispers monotonously and hoarsely:

— Liar. — Joost concludes the verdict, crawling with his fingertips under your short top, wanting to feel you closer, wanting you…

— Which one of us is a liar here? — you laugh ironically and put your hand behind his head, tangling your fingers in his blond hair, they feel as soft as before and if you close your eyes you can probably believe that five years is not so much.

— Forgive me, honing(Honey)… — he does not dare to look into your eyes, even though you are looking for his gaze.

The crowd around you is pushing, jumping and shouting something loudly, the bright flashes of the spotlights hurt your eyes, make them water. You feel dizzy, your chest hurts, your legs can't hold you, and if it weren't for Joost's firm grip on your waist, you would have fallen. You wouldn't mind being trampled by a crowd. You wouldn't mind not seeing his face anymore, not feeling the air saturated with his scent…

And yet you can't take your eyes off his makeup, from his plump lips mutilated by a bitter smile. Even if he was regretting it wasn't that he left and left you. But he was definitely regretting for you.

— You know what, I won't forgive you, — you snort, biting your lip. Regret has long settled in your heart, and now, except for tears and aching pain, you can't seem to feel anything else.

— I know you hate me, — Joost freezes in front of your face, looks straight into your eyes, exhales hotly on your cracked, bleeding lips. — I know you love me. — he has an apologetic smile on his lips, but he doesn't regret anything when he touches your lips with a sweet kiss soaked in poison. You don't regret anything, biting his lips in return. The kiss is sour from the taste of blood, salty from the bitter tears rolling down your cheeks, and yet it's the only thing you want from each other.…

The sound of music is deafening, but your heart is beating much louder and your chest is constricted much more than from the touch of his lips. Joost pulls you to him, hugs you tightly, circles you, takes you out of the room. You know that tomorrow won't come. Joost's eyes are clear, clear, blue, almost transparent, so similar to the cloudless sky you looked at as a child. Behind the veil of tears, your eyes look like the cloudy sky that Joost looked at, holding back tears, at his father's funeral. And yet you whisper love to each other, and yet you beg not to leave.…

The loud, ear-piercing ringing of the alarm clock makes your heart skip a beat. You jump up clutching your aching head. The alcohol you drank yesterday makes itself felt and you slide back onto the soft pillow, smearing your bedroom with a blurry look. Fortunately, at least you are at home. A tired sigh leaves your lips and you jerk your head, a damn dream, a damn ghost with the face of your first love — Joost Klein. You roll over on your side and a single tear rolls down your cheek before you turn on your phone, open social media and notice hundreds of notifications. You're confused, your eyebrows furrow and you click on one of the links, looking closely at the photo with the caption: «Childhood friend of Joost Klein…»

In the photo, your eyes are glistening with alcohol, and your pupils are large and dark, your head is tilted back, a half-smile plays on your lips, and you look at the man in front of you in love, but his face is in shadow and you can hardly see anything. You feel awkward, even scared, confused. You straighten up, sit on the bed and zoom in on the image, noticing with a surprised «oh» traces of white paint on your face…

— Good morning, liefste(love). — a familiar hoarse, almost purring purring voice takes care of your ears, you freeze with your eyes wide open and turn to the door. There he stood at the threshold. Almost completely naked, with a rustic food tray in his hands and traces of remaining white makeup on his face. Joost Klein.

Your first and only love. Your first and last addiction. Your first and greatest pain.

— I brought us breakfast! — he laughs and talks as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't disappeared for five whole years and then returned without warning. You frown, the heart in your chest once again makes itself felt, but you shrug off the pain when you notice traces of pinkish kisses on Joost's face, neck, chest and arms. White paint and red lipstick mixed together. Joost grins, and you realize with surprise, but without any regrets, that the heart and the first kiss are now not the only thing that you gave him…

Don't post this anywhere without my permission!

I'm waiting for requests if there are any?

[aerkame]

I will no longer write for other AUs for Welcome Home (please read in full)

TW: Mentions of NSFW/pedos

I know some people only followed me because of a fic or two I might have started writing on for another Welcome Home AU, but recently I have started to notice the increasing toxicity of the fandom overall. Yeah, I've been other fandoms I know there is toxicity and I know there's a lot of nice people in this fandom, but I have NEVER seen it this bad. Out of all the fandoms/fanbases that I have been in, I have never seen such a huge problem regarding pedos, NSFW art/writing being shared and looked at by minors despite the creator's wishes, general toxic behavior, and a large amount of mentally unwell people working their way into groups of children or safe spaces. I ended up having to delete quite a few NSFW art pieces on twitter because I found minors had seen it and some guy decided to make a comment on my OC Lilith that I was not comfortable with.

I also do not feel alright having to restrict myself on what I write or draw because a single person might be "triggered" or "offended" by it. I know I put warnings when they are needed, I should not have to feel like I'm walking on eggshells in this fandom. I do not need anonymous asks telling me how I should and shouldn't write or what I can and can't say.

Because of how bad it's been and seeing more and more creators leave the fandom, I have decided to no longer engage in other AUs or creators unless it's from a follower (I know you guys are fine), friend, or person I know I've talked with before, OR if it's Clown himself. A lot of people forget that Welcome Home isn't what people keep writing it as. Welcome Home isn't even close to being done, we're just riding off the AUs right now. It really rubs me the wrong way that all I ever see on AO3 now with fanfictions are smut fics mainly and some pretty disturbing stuff.

There is so much, too much, s3xualization in this fandom and the romanticizing of serious and dangerous themes/topics. A lot of times believe or not, when I draw buff characters with no shirts, it really is just anatomy practice. I do not understand some of the comments I get sometimes in my inbox. Yes it's fine to tease a bit, but my goodness some of the comments I have seen before are concerning. I never intend on s3xualizing the characters and yet I always get anon asks going a bit out there with s3xualized comments. It's why I haven't really drawn that stuff in a while. I can't tell if people really do s3xualize that stuff or if they're seeing it as anatomy practice with a bit of tease like I do.

I have been bottling A LOT of things up recently and it's hindered my ability to really write or draw how I want. I'm always scrapping ideas and giving up halfway through.

It's always "Is this something that people are going to s3xualize?" "Is this something that might offend someone in x category?' "Will people like this new character?" "Am I good enough for this topic?". It's not healthy and I know that it affects my creativity and mentality, I won't be restricting myself anymore though. I will write/draw what I want, just please heed my warnings when I put them there and don't ignore my boundaries or the boundaries of others.

Now, regarding my own two AUs (I dropped the Dream one because I have something special planned for TFP), The Finfolk AU and Alive AU. I WILL continue writing/drawing for them. They are my own AUs with my own characters added in them. A lot of people that interact with me are followers and I know you guys would never disrespect my OCs or invade boundaries and I love you so much for that. Of course my rule on requests remain the same. NO NSFW for the normal Welcome Home, but NSFW is allowed for Finfolk AU requests.

Unfortunately, all of this does mean I will not continue the fic I was writing for @clownsuu Mob AU. I'm sorry, I just really do not feel like writing for an AU outside of what I know in terms of the person who makes it. I am not sure how to explain it other than I don't feel alright with it unless it's like an AU from someone I know or at least talked to before? Just at least a person I know on some personal level. I don't want to explore the fandom right now, it is a mess with the people in it...do not take this the wrong way, I DO NOT hate anyone outside of the people I know, I just don't feel comfortable in the fandom at the moment and I will not leave you guys behind either. So in short, I plan to just stay in my own lane so to speak and do what I can for the ones who follow me for what I do.

I will however finish the Villain fanfiction as it's not exactly anyone's AU? Not sure how to explain that, it was a series of asks for it. And obviously I will make a full long fanfictions for the Alive and Finfolk AU.

I know I said I don't want to vent on here, but it's getting hard for me to ignore. Everytime I type or pick up a pencil to make something on here it doesn't feel right.

[sparkiekong]

Ugh!! Elita back on the smokes again!! Major yuck!! Major turn off. Somebody needs to tell her that. Also she needs to try harder to stop. Chosen one myass!! I bet Lyra and Cat are to blame somehow!

Hi there nonny. Sorry this is gonna be long winded...again.

TLDR: Yeah, it seems she's slipped off the wagon. Addiction is not an easy wagon ride! I'm afraid for some people it's much harder than others. The gang will have relapses and struggles just like anyone else who has addictive tendances. It's not going to stop entirely anytime soon, I'm afraid.

We depict a lot of these types things. Much of mine and @helenofsimblr's writing is taken from real world examples. history, mythology and we do copious amounts of research and add about 300% creativity. Smoking (even the underage smoking) is probably the LEAST worrisome topic in this story and much worse is to come. I hope you're ready nonny... the roller coaster has just started and it's not a smooth ride... It's also completely ok to unfollow for that reason alone if smoking is your line. I promise you that we are definitely going to go beyond that, so stay safe friend! It's quite ok to stop reading. I promise we won't be offended. This story is not everyone's cup of tea and that's ok.

If you're still interested in reading and it's just that I missed adding a trigger or you'd like an additional trigger, please let me know and I will add it. Especially if it's one that you like to use... At the end of the day we're all responsible for our own mental safety on the internet... I can only provide the trigger words to block. You have to do your part. Thanks for the ask friend. I hope you have a lovely and wonderful day.

Rest is under cut with a bit more examples of differences of KSU and IRL world and informational links on medical information on addiction:

There is a key thing to remember about this story and that is that the universe (lovingly called the KSU) is a kind of alternate universe to our own, some scientific developments happened at very different times to our own and smoking science has not yet caught up to ours. In some ways, it's got sort of a sixties feel and in others, it seems like future-vision. It can be a bit confusing, so I'll provide some examples!

A big example is that the KSU recently just discovered ultrasound tech that can be used to check on fetus health and that smoking is generally bad for one's health, but the KSU has been in space for quite a long time, is well established in space and have computers and cell phones... While the real world (the one you and I live in), ultrasound has been around for a long time and is quite advanced, the anti-smoking campaign has been going on for many years with decent success. However, we in IRL we have not until recently (maybe the last 10-15 years) been able to reliably get into space and back safely in various different countries. Admittingly, I don't track all space travel, just the ones that hit the trending list of my news app.

The rest of this is for people who are struggling to understand addiction and/or are suffering or watching someone suffer with it and are looking for understanding. Please! Talk with your family doctors or google your country of origin + addiction help and you can find the help that you or a friend or family member may need.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here are a few links that explain a bit about addiction and why it's not always just as easy as "just don't do that" or "Stop".

[ren-rambles-often]

I couldn't help myself and send the person who harrassed you the following, lol

The ironic thing is that successful creatives being "freaks and weirdos" means they are normal people, and reserve their "freak" tendencies for fiction, like healthy humans do. Whereas those who cry and throw tantrums over "weird" fiction don't know how to be normal in real life.

AND THIS IS GENUINELY SO TRUE TOO!!!

A bit off tangent but also related, I'm gonna be a bookworm for a bit. So last night I finished reading Moriarty by Anthony Harowitz, I love most of his books, I'm almost done with the power of five and Alex Rider series, and in a lot of his stories even for the younger audiences there's still a good mount of death. "Moriarty" had a lot of death and gruesome scenes, and Moriarty as a character was genuinely a psycho who didn't have a problem with using and killing even those that helped him. It was genuinely so fun to read and even in the end notes it's told that the writer has written so many books and committed so many fictional murders in their time of writing.

Shit like this can be said for Stephen King and so many others, their works and raw and whether people like it or not, it's fun to read and enjoy so many taboo themes in fiction that we cringe and detest in real life.

Because in real life people get hurt and it doesn’t end when we close the tab or turn the page, real people continue to hurt and feel. In real life things like empathy, consent and boundaries exist and normal people respect those and the obvious fact that real human life and emotions aren't to be toyed with.

Going around calling real people pedos, fetishiziers, murders and all sorts of names just bc of how they engage with fantasy and fiction ignores these boundaries and lowers the value of human life equating it to simple ink on paper or pixels on a screen.

If a taboo topic offends you or triggers some terrible emotional scar, I sympathize but just like you there are boundaries or themes even I wouldn't touch. But I don't shame the enjoyers, I block and move on. Your triggers in fiction are yours and yours alone, close the page, block and move on with your life. Name calling won't save future victims, educating and stressing the differences between irl and fiction will.

Ugh I already told myself I wouldn't use this account for discourse but the last few hours have been so laughable to me. Accusations don't faze me but I'm very argumentative which I'm trying to curb. I want to spend more time on things that make me happy and excited to know more, not fight 18 yr olds and minors struggling for financial dependence and relevance. Y'all do you 😘

Thanks to anon coming to my aid I appreciate it and I hope they don't start bothering you too. It's best to ignore these people.

Which is why I turned off reblogs, if you wanna rant abt me, take screenshots I won't know abt or scream in my replies so I can block you. Peace and love ✌

[gwenzone]

any explanations for the interaction with that minor and their audio smut?

Haven't heard it. But here's my advice.... If you are offended by, or don't like something, scroll by it or block the tag or person. I constantly get spam bots and adult rated blogs popping up all over my view of Tumblr and I'm not into seeing all that but I either scroll by it or I block it. Because some people don't mind seeing it and it's not gonna go away or help to complain about it.

If someone is posting about actual real life underage/adult ships, then I could see that as more of an issue. If it's between characters, I don't see that as being as bad. Especially if the actors playing those characters are actually older than the characters themselves.

I mean, you can argue how messed up it is to write fanfic about Lucifer. If it were the real life Lucifer, I'd be bothered. A character doesn't bother me since they're portrayed by someone many people adore and it's more about them than Lucifer anyway.

There is a TON of stuff online we each don't like in some way or another. You can't avoid it. I'd choose my battles differently and go after legit underage stuff and try and stop that. People write all sorts of stories and as long as they're just stories, you can't do much about it. You'll have that in even the most famous writing and it's not going anywhere. Same with stories with violence, forced sex fantasies, murder, torture, etc. I myself won't read stories with animal abuse or hunting, etc. Luckily, most people put trigger warnings so you can avoid it.

[actuallysaiyan]

Welcome to the official announcement for kinktober 2023!! I'm glad to be here once again, third year in a row, to be participating in kinktober! Here are a few rules/guidelines and the list of kinks along with their characters!

Rules/Guidelines

I've taken some of people's requests/suggestions for this year's list, but if I didn't take yours, please don't be offended. There were only so many kinks/days for this year. So yours could end up on next year's list!

There will be no part 2 of any kind for these. They can be short and sweet and others may be longer. Please don't ask for part 2 as it probably won't happen.

If you like any of the submissions, I encourage you to reblog! Especially if you are on the taglist, but no pressure.

There will be warnings posted on every single post, please do well to read them carefully as it could be triggering to some. I don't kink shame and I certainly always put the appropriate tags and warnings.

THE LIST

Karl Heisenberg(Resident Evil)- Werewolves

Kyojuro Rengoku(Demon Slayer)- Hair pulling

Hidan and Kakuzu(Naruto)- Double penetration

AgedUp!Denji(Chainsaw Man)- Mirror Kink

Orochimaru and Jiraiya(Naruto)- Threesomes

Sidon(Legend of Zelda)- Monster fucking

Ryomen Sukuna(Jujutsu Kaisen)- Face fucking

Sebastian and Sam(Stardew Valley)- Lingerie

Legendary Dark Knight Sparda(Devil May Cry)- Somnophilia

Gyutaro Shabana(Demon Slayer)- Overstimulation

Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto(Jujutsu Kaisen)- Sex Slave

Kakashi Hatake(Naruto)- Bondage

Alucard Tepes(Castlevania)- Blindfolds

Aki Hayakawa(Chainsaw Man)- Body mods

Alex(Stardew Valley)- Striptease

Naruto Uzumaki(Naruto)- Creampies

Jason Todd(Batman) - Spanking/Bonus Dick Grayson(Batman)- Exhibition

Reno Sinclair(Final Fantasy 7)- Role play

Son Gohan(Dragon Ball)- Cockwarming

Zack Fair(Final Fantasy 7)- Corruption

Shikamaru Nara(Naruto)- Squirting

Dante(Devil May Cry)- Intoxication

Tengen Uzui(Demon Slayer)- Uniforms

Link and Ganondorf(Legend of Zelda)- Dub-con

Toji Fushiguro(Jujutsu Kaisen)- Vibrators

Tatewaki Kuno(Ranma ½)- Aphrodisiac

Ranma Saotome(Ranma ½)- Orgasm denial

V(Devil May Cry)- Dirty talk

Kento Nanami(Jujutsu Kaisen)- Breeding and Daddy

Son Goku(Dragon Ball)- Praise

Vegeta(Dragon Ball)- Face sitting

[olderthannetfic]

I've had one person get mad at me for tagging something because it's "condescending" to them to do so and another thank me for it because it's how their brother died and they're used to it not being tagged and stumbling onto it. They can read it, they just need a heads-up so it doesn't smack them in the face out of the blue.

I know it'll anger a lot of people who follow your blog but honestly I'm more happy that I didn't randomly trigger memories of someone's brother's death than I am sorry I annoyed the first person by "condescending" to them. If 'accidental death via ___' in the tags offends someone to read then I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude here, but I find that way more sensitive than the person who's actually traumatized. That person actually went through shit. You (the complainer, not you specifically) read one tag. There's twelve tags total. Most of them are pairings + specifying what ending of the game the fic is set after. I do my best not to overtag but if a description of content angers someone that's just beyond my ability to warn for. What, should I put "TW: this author uses TWs for specific and graphically depicted causes of death" at the very start of the tags so people don't get offended?

I'm sure someone is going to cry, "you should just tick the box for character death, not tag a specific cause of death!" but I would like to invoke an old fandom stand-by line in response, "Don't like, don't read." If my using a tag offends someone, they should just block me and move on. Why am I in the wrong for tagging a method of death being caused?

I really think if someone finds something that small and easy to skip offended, they have a victim mentality. Even though they're on the opposite side of the spectrum of antis in terms of preferred reading material, they have the same "you have hurt me and I intend to make it your problem" mentality, and it's just embarrassing because... they're adults. Old enough to know better. This is the internet. Not everyone is going to cater their content to you, including their tagging practices, and people aren't obligated to change their tags so that your delicate feelings aren't hurt. The world is not about you.

It wouldn't annoy me so much if this person hadn't then tracked down my tumblr - which took some doing, as I don't have that info on my AO3 profile and the names are different - to whine about it.

Bro. Bruh. Sometimes scrolling past is the mentally healthier option. Not being an anti doesn't mean you're behaving in a healthy, rational manner.

--

The appropriate response to most "overtagging" is to roll one's eyes and move on, yes.

I'm certainly happy if an actual person who's talking to me was helped by a tag. What I won't do is tag things I don't care about tagging "just in case" some hypothetical person could avoid being triggered.

[prettymvgic]

my rules ; again, temporary until i figure out how to make them mobile friendly !

first of all, hi, i'm cici and thanks for taking the time to read these and wanting to write with me ! that means a lot to me. first things first, i do not tolerate any hate whatsoever. take your homophobia, your transphobia, your racist, your sexist ass off my blog. there's no room for you here !

now that we've taken care off that problem ...

i. i want to start out first with activity on both sides. i am the most RELAXED, most patient person - i do not care how quick or how slow you respond. i understand that as adults we are busy, we have real lives. i also understand that the muse isn't always there. so please never feel rushed and i hope you can treat with that same leniency.

ii.dropping threads is completely fine ! i don't mind it at all. if you just wanna message me and start something new, great ! if you don't feel like we are compatible enough to be writing partners - that's okay too. you are not pressured to write with me and please don't feel bad about it either. things happen, muse changes, and sometimes things just don't work out ; that is okay !

iii.i personally don't have any triggers ; when it comes to writing i stay pretty opened minded. with this being said, i do write some darker themes that others might not approve of, or might trigger others. i will tag everything properly when those types of writing arises. however, please do not shame me for what i write ; that will be an immediate block. i do not write smut, nothing against those who do, i personally just SUCK at it, i am god awful with detail and better with dialogue so smutting is not for me, i will be fading to black.

iv. banned fcs ; the only persons i don't have anyone that i won't write against ( except predators obviously ) but there are a few that i might be selective about : taylor swift, madelyn cline, olivia rodrigo, & cillian murphy. i may add to this list, but i hope not. i don't really try to ban any fcs because i feel like i'm here for the story not the faceclaim you're using.

v. sorry plotters ! i am more of a wing it type. send me whatever you're in the mood for and i'll reply. i feel like plotting really bores me. some pieces of the story, sure, but to plot the whole thing?? it just makes me feel like i'm writing it twice and i get bored very quickly so send me something random ! vi. i am a white female who does use faces of people of color. i educate myself every day to make sure that i don't write anything offensive or stereotypical. if something in my writing offends you, please, please come to me and let me fix it. the last thing i want to do is offend or hurt anyone !

that's pretty much it for me. i don't really have anything else but i'll add to these if i need to, please don't make me.

[audioroleplayconfessions]

Do people really not read the tags and warnings when it comes to more serious themes? Legitimately.

Dark and morbid fiction has and always has existed, some people quite frankly enjoy it and it won't just magically vanish out of thin air.

I have no qualms with triggering works as long as it's warned and tagged properly and the creator doesn't condone or glorify it or if nobody was seriously harmed in the making of it.

If violent, serious and vile incidents that happen in real life, show up in media and have your feathers all ruffled up then as someone who has read and listened to a good handful of triggering fictional works, I suggest that if you see the warnings and don't like any of it, heed the tags, avoid it and move on. As simple as that.

I have a very loosely set bottom line when it comes to questionable fiction. I know it's fictional. I do not condone what I consume. Nonetheless I still enjoy it because it's fascinating in a morbidly curious way.

I'm not saying that the feelings caused by it are invalid, on the contrary, the feelings caused by fiction aren't controllable and I can understand that.

However, if you've read the warnings and proceeded, then that is of your own dereliction.

Otherwise, if the creator is the one that didn't give any tags or warnings then the fault lies with them.

Forgive me if this offends anyone but this is just my personal opinion and it is subject to change if ever I or someone decides they want to educate me a little bit if my views are biased/uninformed. You're welcome and entitled to share your own opinions.

I think the audio roleplay community is extra finicky about any violent/uncomfortable/frightening content. Maybe it's because comfort/boyfriend roleplay is the dominant genre, to the point that some people can't fathom that other genres of audio roleplay exist outside of comfort. They act as if they've been betrayed is something is scary or uncomfortable.

A lot of people will outright ignore warnings, tags, or just signs in the narrative itself, but even barring that, people need to learn that a work of fiction can not harm you. You can dislike it, it might even make you feel uncomfortable, but it can't harm you. Learning that fact is part of growing up. It's disturbing to see young people push for media censorship when historically it was always older/more conservative people pushing for that.

[imhereforscm]

Have you read any books by J. R. R. TOLKIEN? If you have, can you please recommend something for a beginner? I want to read high fantasy novels which are hopeful ( meaning you feel peaceful and hopeful while reading them ). I am not very fond of G. R. R MARTIN's novels, they make me feel sad, everybody around me including my friends mock me because i don't like reading his novels. 😔 So i am truly lost and i don't know where to start. Please recommend some of you favorite books and authors as well. Thank you, i hope i didn't waste too much of your time and if you are Martin 's fan, i hope i didn't offend you by writing this.

Hello hello!🤗👋

Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with these authors, so I can't recommend you anything from them. I'm sorry!💖

But in general, I'd love to recommend books I enjoy!😊❤️❤️

Classic literature:

• Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë (it contains religious themes and God plays an important role in certain part of the plot. I think it's portrayed in a positive way in that case though. But of course, I won't tell you what to like! Also, it's quite fast paced, but still dives deep into emotions and chemistry. I think it can be labeled as a type of gothic.)

• Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (if you like regency and enemies to lovers, you'll find this book pretty nice. This one has a much slower pace than Jane Eyre. "Romantic academia" aesthetic.)

• The Picture Of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde (gothic, portrays heavy themes, such as su! c! de and graphic mu rd e®, so beware if you're triggered by those things. It's basically a moral trip through the mindset of evil and insane, of course nothing to follow into your life as a positive role model. Philosophical.)

A book I think is great for healing and is my comfort book:

• The Midnight Library - Matt Haig (Deals with the theme of su! c! de, but I think it does it well and the lesson/meaning it passes through its pages is a every emotional and beautiful one. This book is great comfort for me actually and has helped me before, where life was less than kind. It talks about the weight of our existence and how it impacts everything and everyone, even if we don't realize it right now.)

Murder mysteries:

• Anything by Agatha Christie!! I seriously adore her and Poirot is so intriguing. What stands out me about her books compared to other murder mysteries I've read, is that it investigates the case by a psychological level. It doesn't just look at footprints, fingerprints and DNA. It unravels all the skein of human nature, its emotions and mental states.

High fantasy:

• Girl, Serpent, Thorn - Melissa Bashardoust (I've read high fantasy a couple of times before, but this one was the one I actually loved. It doesn't normalize death and murder, like a lot of high fantasy books I've come across and the characters are actually meaningful, having their own personalities, beliefs, fears and goals. Also, the protagonist is a bisexual icon and the book actually portrays healthy romance✨ Now, it has a gripping plot throughout the book and a lot of adrenaline, so idk if you're going to like it, since you told me you wanted something more calm and soothing.😅 But the internal development of the protagonist is so inspiring. How she learns to love herself and embrace who she is, whilst finding ways to use her abilities to their fullest potential.)

Also, liking something different from someone else is completely okay!! No one should ever make fun of you for your taste in things. You are a being as much entitled to their opinion as anyone else and you shouldn't suffocate your voice. You have every right to love the things you want to love and dislike the things you want to dislike (as long as you don't shame people who do like those things—I'm not saying you shame them, I'm talking in general to anyone reading this!💖).

And you didn't waste my time, sweetie! I enjoyed sharing my book recs with you.💖💖

[love-d-villains]

Hi, not the same anon. I actually am not following you, but have seen your content through the tags and occasionally gets recommended to me. I think you should tag r@pe given some people might just not want to see that without warning, especially since some people are r@pe survivors and it might be triggering. This is why, for example, fanfiction that involves r@pe fantasies is tagged accordingly. Your content is not seen just by those who follow you, the scope is bigger than that. Sincerely, you getting cocky about it is quite inconsiderate. I don't mean to attack you nor judge your fantasies or dreams you might have, I just ask that you think a bit about the impact this might have on people, followers or not followers. All it takes is to tag "tw r@pe". You can also add a cut to your posts ("read more"). It's not hard, keeps people safer, causes you no harm. 🤷

I'm sorry, I didn't know tumblr would recommend content without tags, which is very different from other apps I use. Thank you for telling me. I'm not an arrogant person, but the former one is quite rude. If they explain why they can see my untagged content like you, I won't be offended🥀

[quaddmgd]

Yesterday, I finally deleted my Twitter account after yet another data leak. Boss Baby's decisions after acquiring this platform made me create this blog and try to move here in the first place, so leaks were only a cherry on top.

My girlfriend helped me with moving to tumblr and the way she talked about it made me think about my social media presence in general. Of course, most users here don't need an explanation as to why tumblr is better and all that, but its merits are what exactly made think about myself.

I realized that I always posted for myself first and foremost. I had a blogspot about handheld consoles, I wrote non-profit reviews for my relative's gaming website, I even started posting screenshots on Steam with some creative descriptions and all that.

Had a short relationship with instagram, but people using it, even my close family, quickly made me hate it for how artificial the world there seems to be. If I didn't spend enough time personalizing my experience, it probably takes too long for my liking.

I got a little bit older, 18 to be exact, when I started to look through twitter. Following my favorite indie game developers and gimmick accounts - had a good time with it. The problem started when I started posting stuff.

Twitter's algorithm is aggressive, to put it lightly. Every time you post something and mention a thing, that thing will flood your feed almost instantly. That's why I would never say anything about, say, a spider I saw. While further personalization improves the experience, you won't ever get rid of things you simply don't want to hear about. On top of that you'll sure get the most liked, commented, quote-tweeted stuff imaginable - it helps with reading news, but it brings a lot of bad takes that sometimes are on the verge of malicious. That way you will never fully control what you see on your feed. Sometimes even filtering keywords doesn't help, mostly with traumas, as there are multiple ways to censor trigger words and twitter users will sure use them all.

A trivial example, but it shows just how annoying your Twitter experience can be. I bought myself a new Xbox console and posted about what I like and don't like about it. While those posts were very occasional, console war zealots from both sides started to appear in my feed on a regular basis - posts that take out all the joy I get from gaming. While I mostly posted about video games without including platforms I played on, I never got rid of console wars.

Even if you never talked about, say, us politics, you'll surely get them on your feed, you'll get notified about voting, you'll get unhinged posts from people who are famous simply for being rich; and you'll see many dramas over stuff that shouldn't matter. That last thing makes you really think about what you post. Even if you won't offend anyone, someone can always shame you for your tastes or you gushing over stuff "too much". Once I even got shamed by a self-proclaimed ✨ Rockstar Games Community member ✨ for playing Red Dead Online, accusing me of "playing it for the sake of keeping it alive".

Back to first paragraphs of this post - a rectification! I didn't start thinking about my social media presence after creating tumblr, but it made me summarize all the little thoughts and irritations that appeared in my head throughout my entire "career". After my gf introduced me to tumblr, it confirmed my belief that I used social media correctly, but, for reasons beyond the subject of this post, most social media websites have irredeemable flaws.

But I post for myself and I will gush over my V from CBP77, my RDO character, Lady from DMC all I want and I'll continue to ramble about stuff no-one will ever take an interest in. It helps me clear my head, it makes me feel fulfilled and I love reading my old posts - it's like a time capsule and, as long as I have the strength for that, I'll continue to fill it with stuff that is important to me!

P.S. As for Twitter's few benefits: I'm using nitter to follow gaming news and game developers without having an account or interacting with toxic people if I'll ever see them. No algorithm there, you have to search for people you already know - no random posts and malicious javascript stuff.

[rpcburnbook]

Genuine question (though i don't expect anyone here not to take it in bad faith) what do you do with content you don't like when you find it out in the real world? Do you believe in book-banning? Or do you believe that there is a separation between published authors and RPers? Is it purely a skill difference that makes it ok for an author to publish darker content but not an RPer? I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd love to see an actual conversation about why the RPC feels certain ways about some content. I think if people could have a calm rational conversation instead of the accusatory screaming matches, that they'd either be able to find a middle ground or they'd in the very least be able to present guidelines so the rest of the community knows what content is a cancelable offense. // I simply dnf a book or stop watching. I don't believe in book bans, and I think censorship is bad once people are adults. I don't want 'A Little Life' in the hands of 10 year olds, for instance, and do not care if an 18 year old reads it. Unless art crosses into life, I don't care about or judge the creator or ascribe bad intent to them based on the content of their art. I feel the same way about fanfic, where there often is a marked skill issue with handling certain topics. The reason various things squick me so hard in rpc is that the vast majority of people I know experience some degree of crossover with their characters, identifying with them and their perspective. That's not true for everyone, so I usually ignore stuff I don't like. Where I get irate is when people start talking about their taboo writing topic of the month on main, or feel that others are obligated to put up with discussion, plots, and content surrounding that theme in a community based hobby. It's very hard for someone to dnf/stop reading the plotting channel on a site that has an interconnected plot. So, when the question rises of preference towards fielding distasteful content, or letting people be in community without that content, I will always prefer the latter and I suspect many admins share that outlook. I think that most who don't make that pretty clear. I have written my own dark content and been asked to tone it down- and for me, the true separation lies between those who are willing to take that feedback and people who specifically enjoy pushing other people's boundaries. I think a lot of people who enjoy writing taboo topics in rpc enjoy it *because* it's taboo, and because it triggers, offends, and inflames people. And that's fine when people can opt in and out without losing anything- an author and I lose nothing if I choose not to read their latest novel. But in rp, people lose their hobby and narratives and sometimes social connections if people press on with this stuff despite community preferences. I think dark topics can be handled well- but it requires a lot more from writers and admins than saying 'don't like don't read', or being too passive to moderate BEFORE you start getting droves of complaints, and I very rarely see either group rise to that requirement. I don't care about cancelling tbh, but I certainly have my own thresholds of when I start disliking people and another when I start talking in the groupchat with my rp friends about it. TLDR: The rpc identifies or fantasizes about life through their character's perspective far too prevalently for me to believe in the widespread separation of art and artist in this hobby. Also, a lot of people who write dark shit do it specifically to upset or goad people irl even when they know specific boundaries exist. Even when not the intent, most writers are not considerate enough, and most admins won't moderate enough to make a public community comfortable around gross content. Ergo, I'd simply rather not bother in this hobby.

~