#if this is all over the place I am sorry
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What Could Have Been
Chapter 2 of 2: A Minor Betrayal
Pairing: Eris/Elain | Chapter Rating: E | Word Count: 3052
Previous Chapter Here | Read on AO3 Here | Eris Week Master Post
Warnings: Smut. Internal Conflict. Feelings of betrayal.
Summary: Eris and Elain are in route to save Lucien. The night before, Elain asks Eris for something so simple but would probably be the biggest betrayal to his youngest brother yet.
A/N: This isn’t proof read. No actual betrayal occurs in this. Just Eris blaming himself as always.
For @erisweekofficial day 3 Betrayal
Tagging: @mybestfriendmademe @rcarbo1 @hieragalbatorixdottir and shout out to @secret-third-thing for planting the Eris Elain idea.
Divider by @tsunami-of-tears
“You need to eat.” Eris gave a pointed glare at Elain.
Traversing across the continent for three days was not for the faint of heart. The herbs had worked. With Beron weakened, Eris took him down and became High Lord. His victory was short-lived. Without Beron as an ally, Koschei took Vassa and Lucien. Eris had felt the burning tug of the bargain in the middle of the night and winnowed straight to the woods. He found Elain pacing frantically under the moonlight, tears streaming down her face.
In a moment of pure vulnerability, he pulled her close and let her cry for a moment. The reality that his brother’s life was on the line hit him harder than he anticipated. And the lingering anxiety of facing Koschei again churned his stomach. Now they were resting in a cave, secluded and warded from the evening rain, trespassers, and wild animals that may go by. A river to the north provided dinner for the night so they wouldn’t have to waste their rations. If only he could get Elain to eat.
“You’ll need your strength,” he continued. “Or do you detest fish so much you’d rather go hungry.”
Elain shook her head, legs pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped around them. She looked so much smaller in trousers and a loose blouse, especially with how she shrunk in on herself against the wall.
Eris exhaled loudly through his nose. Over the months of their correspondence he’d grown to like her. She was not the quiet, timid female he expected her to be. She was a storm rumbling in the distance. A simmering pot on the cusp of a boil. And by the mother, did he want to light her aflame if only to see her at her full potential.
She finally uncurled herself and rubbed the spot between her breasts. “He’s always so sad. I can feel it constantly. And now he’s hopeless.”
Eris winced. “Did they not teach you how to block the bond?”
“Doesn’t always work.” She sighed. “I made a potion to dull it for a long time. But now- I need to know where he is when we find him.”
“Smart little witch,” Eris replied. “Eat something before I command you.”
To that she rolled her eyes but got to her feet to take some food. They ate in relative silence unlike the previous days. They were closer to the lake now, the reality of what was to come weighed heavy in the air. He followed Elain’s lead, trusting her insistence they not winnow directly to the lake. They waited until today to send a letter to Rhysand about their plan. Nesta was looped in when they left. Albeit hesitant, she trusted her sister more than Eris. He couldn’t blame her there.
When they were done, he burned the bones and napkins they used close to the entrance. Smoke dissipated quickly with the rain. When he returned he found her lying out both their mats, that solumn air still about her. He walked over to his mat and sat down.
“Come sit with me,” he gestured her over.
He’d realize in hindsight what a dangerous thing that was to do.
She eyed him for a moment, and with a sign resigned herself to walking over. He expected her to sit beside him. Instead she sat on his lap. He held back his surprise and wrapped his arms around her. They sat like that for a few minutes, him gently stroking his thumb on her shoulder. All while ignoring her sweet scent filling his nose and the softness of her body pressed against him.
“Eris?” He hummed in acknowledgment. “Will you distract me?”
She turned her head to face him. She was so close, seemingly innocent brown eyes peering up at him and that pouty mouth. If he was a good male, he would move her. If he was a better male, he would have told her it would be alright and sent her to bed.
He never claimed to be a better male.
“Distract you?”
“I don’t want to think.” She reached up and her fingers grazed his lips. “I don’t want to feel like this. I want to feel… something better.”
He stared down at her for a moment, not pushing her out of his space. He knew what she wanted by the way her scent changed. Sweetened jasmine and honey filling his nostrils.
“You are my brother’s mate.” And the most beautiful fae I’d ever seen.
“I’m not with him.” She countered, pushing to sit up and face him fully. “I don’t even know him.”
“And yet you’re here with me in a cave, on a journey to save him.”
“Both can be true. He doesn’t have to know.”
But he will. Not that it helped his resolve.
“Why are you so adamant that I betray my brother's trust?”
“I glimpsed many lives when I came out of the cauldron, but none of them were with you.” She said it so matter of fact. She pressed her hand against his chest and he covered it with her own. “I’ve only been with one man. I just want to taste what I’m missing before it’s too late.”
She moved to straddle his thighs, giving him a coy smile and biting her lower lip. Eris exhaled a laugh. Gods if that didn’t do it for him. He was already tittering the edge- now he was just hard in his pants with no blood left in his mind to think. His own scent was thick in the small space.
“You do know how to push my buttons, Elain.”
“I always do.”
He told himself this was just another notch in the long line of offenses he’s accrued over the centuries. It didn’t have to mean anything. His own hands wandered up to her waist, thumbing at the loose tunic she wore.
“I have rules,” he said. She watched him intensely, her doe eyes blown black. “Our lips do not touch and I will not spill my seed inside you. Do you understand?”
She bit at her bottom lip and nodded. He grabbed her hips and pulled her forward. She jolted with a gasp. One hand brushed back her hair and the other held her close to him.
“Do you have rules, little fawn?” He leaned in and kissed her neck.
She let out a sigh. “Do not be gentle with me.”
His teeth nipped at her skin. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
It was easier than it should have been to push down the guilt and not think about how the female he was laying down on his mat belonged to someone else important to him. They were stressed; this was just a means to an end. He wasn’t gentle, ripping the buttons off the top she wore to expose her breasts. He would not take her with his mouth as much as he wanted to taste her.
Her soft cries echoed in the cave as he kissed down her chest, his mouth finding her breast while his hand shoved under her trousers and between her thighs. Her legs fell open and she arched against him as he slipped his fingers into her. Her hand went into his hair and tugged when he moved to her other breast and curled his fingers just right.
“Look at me,” he pulled back.
His voice was laced with a command. She stared up at him, mouth agape with little gasps coming from her.
He smirked, “Come for me.”
He truthfully didn’t know if it would work, using his High Lord powers like that. But Elain’s beautiful eyes fluttered. She cried out, squeezing her thighs around his hand while she fluttered around his fingers. He waited until it stopped, with just the light rain from outside and her panting filling the silence. He sat up and removed his hand, brushing it off on his trousers while he sat back against the cave wall. She sat up on her elbows and frowned at him.
“If you want to come on my cock, you’ll have to come and take that for yourself.”
His gaze darkened and he grinned watching her stand. He watched her with amusement while she shoved off the trousers.
“Do I have to take it out too?” She glanced at the bulge in his own trousers.
He stared up at her and undid his laces. Her eyes widened slightly when he pulled out his cock and stroked it.
“You’ve been bedded before, don’t look shocked.”
“Human males aren’t that big,” she whispered. Her gaze did not move as she kneeled and straddled his legs. She stopped him from shoving his pants down all the way. “I like how the fabric feels.”
He furrowed his brow at the pinkness in her cheeks but didn’t question it.
“We don’t have all night Elain.” She didn’t move, glancing up at him almost nervously. “You said you’ve lived many lives. Do you not know what to do?”
“I’ve glimpsed them,” she glared at him. “And I know what to do.”
He smirked while she moved closer, knowing teasing would motivate her as it had in the past few months. His stomach jolted when her bare skin brushed against his cock. He grabbed at her hips and she slapped his hand.
“Do not rush me.” She said pointedly.
He bit back a retort and let her take her time. He watched her sit up on her knees and grab his cock. He was silent while he watched her guide him to her entrance. He even held back a groan, inhaling deeply through his nose when she sank down slowly. He held himself back because if he didn’t, he’d flip her onto the mat and fuck her until the cave echoed with her cries and she was full of his seed.
This beautiful female that didn’t belong to him rocked her hips, testing how it felt. She shifted her knees further to take all of him. He leaned his head against the wall and looked up at the top of the cave praying to the mother silently for strength. Though, he didn’t think she would listen to a traitor like himself.
“Eris.”
Elain whispered his name like the forbidden angel she was. She braced herself with her hands on his shoulders and rolled her hips. He came back to himself, his hands going to her waist to help steady her. He could see her relax and get lost in herself.
“Good girl,” he purred. She bit her lip and whined. “Doesn’t that feel good?”
“Yes.”
He tried to focus on anything but that tight, warm cunt that was starting to lift and sink down on him.
“Lean forward, it’ll feel better.”
She did, pressing her breasts against his chest. He wished he’d removed his shirt if only to feel all of her. She moaned and buried her face against his neck. Her movements quicked and he prayed she was close.
“Do you want me to touch you?”
“Please.”
He slipped a hand from her waist to between them. His eyes flashed, feeling where they connected but he pushed it away. His thumb found her clit and started rubbing.
“Eris, I’m going to- oh fuck.”
Her whole body tense against him and she came throbbing on his cock. He bit his tongue until it bled to keep from going over the edge with her. She collapsed against him and he lifted her off his cock but kept her in his lap while she caught her breath. That should have been the end of it. But of course his stupid body could not relax with a naked female in his lap. When she finally sat up, she looked down between them and back to him.
“Let me.” She whispered, her lips so close to his.
Then she shimmed downward. He didn’t stop her. He didn’t want to. With no other warning, she took him in her mouth.
“By the gods,” he sighed a deep moan.
He couldn’t remember the last time he let anyone close enough like this. Feeling her warm mouth take his cock was almost better than fucking her. He watched her stroke with her hand what she couldn’t swallow down. It was cruel, how good she looked under the fae light. Even crueler that he couldn’t keep her. It did not take long before he felt his pleasure building again.
“Elain,” his voice was a raspy growl. “Not in your mouth.”
She hummed around him, pulling back with a loud pop. She stroked him instead with her hand and stared at him with those big doe eyes of hers. He let out a growl, thrusting up to come on her hand, barely missing marking her face. He waved his hand, cleaning away the mess. He quickly tucked himself back into his trousers.
“We should sleep,” he said, shoving down any feelings he had.
“We should,” she replied.
They didn’t talk further while she changed and got on her mat across from him. He retracted the fae light. He laid down and listened to the rain and her breathing. It evened out long before he shut his eyes and found restless sleep. He woke at dawn, regret sitting in his stomach like a stone. The rain had stopped and the clouds gone. He went to the river and bathed, trying to wash the sins away from last night. When he came back to the cave Elain was up, still in her sleep clothes.
”Eris-“
”Elain-“
They both spoke at the same time and both shut their mouths promptly. It was Eris who decided to speak first.
“I was reckless. I don’t regret it, but I also know it wasn’t right. Lucien is a good male, so much better than most.” Better than me, Eris wanted to add. He glanced down and saw the sunlight peaking into the cave- a sign they needed to head out. “Promise me you’ll give him a chance.”
He looked up to see Elain staring at him intensely, in that knowing way that set him on edge.
“A bargain?” She whispered.
The corner of his mouth twitched. “No, just a promise.”
“I want a bargain,” she said slightly louder. He frowned. She continued, “I will try if you kiss me.”
“Elain,” he started but she cut him off.
“Please, Eris.”
He was a fool to give into her. He said what happened wasn’t right. But her stubborn gaze told him she would not relent. And what was one more offense to the list he committed last night. He thought for a moment, carefully wording the bargain in his mind.
“I will kiss you once and only once.” He stepped once and she stepped back, bumping gently against the wall of the cave. “In exchange, if we get Lucien out alive and he is willing, you will take the time to get to know him.”
Without hesitation she said, “I agree.”
Magic washed over him but he didn’t fill the sting of a bargain tattoo. He went to ask her about why the Night Court tradition didn’t happen but she grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and pulled him forward. In that moment, he was lost. Forgetting himself, he pressed her into the cave wall so he could push his body against her own. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he groaned as his tongue slipped into her mouth. She tasted like she smelled, almost too sweet.
He let himself have that moment before remembering where he was and who he was with. She seemed to do the same, pulling back slightly but keeping her face close to his. When he fully pulled back, he opened his eyes to see her staring back up at him. When he stepped back, she laughed. Her voice rang out like bells in a temple, startling him.
“What is so funny?” He frowned.
“Just how insufferable we’d be together.” She giggled. “Your mother would have resented me. Which is such a strange thing to see.”
He blinked and she went past him as if nothing happened.
“You sneaky little witch.” There was no malice in tone, just slight astonishment. “You kissed me to see a future that won’t happen.”
“I did.” She gave him a soft smile. “So thank you, Eris, for letting me know what could have been.”
“I can see why we would be insufferable.”
She hummed. “Maybe in another life we would work. You’re a good male Eris. I need you to remember that when you find your mate.”
He scoffed, turning to start packing their things away. “Not everyone has a mate, Elain.”
“Not with that attitude,” she retorted, rolling up the mat. “I’ll need to bathe in the river. I smell like you.”
“And who’s fault is that?” He turned back with an arched brow. She gave him a withered look and it was his turn to laugh. “Go. We have a very important male to save today.”
“That we do,” she whispered.
While she was gone, he cleared the cave. He sent their things to a pocket realm and cleared it of any remains that could point to them being there. He finally went down the slope to the river and found Elain on the rocky river bank, braiding the last bit of her hair. She’d donned fighting leathers, which made him crinkle his nose.
“Those look hideous.”
“Says the male who wore armor and a cape to the Hybern battle.” She looked him over. “No suit for this one?”
“I’m High Lord now,” he flexed his hand and let the flames engulf it. “And this outfit is suited for battle. It’s just fashionable.”
That made her smile. Nervous banter before what was to come.
“Rhys said he’s waiting for us. We should go,” she stood and dusted off her pants. “Maybe I’ll ask Lucien for his input on my next pair of fighting clothes.”
He secretly hoped so. Maybe, if he’d ever forgive Eris, he’d come to Autumn and get her something like the ones they wore when they were younger and training in the courtyard. But they had to get him out first. Eris focused on that gods forsaken lake and took her hand. Together they winnowed away.
Second A/N: Eris and Elain become besties and Lucien never knows. Or does he?
#eris vanserra#acotar#erisweek2024#day 3 betrayal#there is smut#elain archeron#eris/elain#erlian?#Elris?#elris#if this is all over the place I am sorry#I did it.
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smell you later
#its ok guys theres no post credit scene and theyre all going bowling together after they win or whatever#i had more ideas wit this bit but this is all i could pull off so so sorry you can throw rocks at me#if i didnt draw trueform midna at least once in my life i wouldve explorded all over the place but its ok now i am content#awesome jewelry zelda but im not drawing all that#i think i made up half of her design#art tag#loz#tloz#tp#twilight princess#midna#zelda#tp zelda#link#tp link
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vultur volans | paradisaea
#description in alt text#the tangents and lines are all over the place in kaveh's illustration. i know. i see it. i am very tired and his outfit is very bad#sorry for my lack of integrity :(#hopefully his lovely face makes up for things#genshin impact#alhaitham#kaveh#haikaveh#fanart#people!#gallery
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#art#fat positivity#body positivity#positivity#birblr#canary#doodle#Sorry I'm a bit all over the place at the moment guys#Had to spend time with my partner's fatphobic family#And I know I'm a thin guy so I am not like directly hurt by the things they believe#But it still was just an awful experience and I'm still kinda feeling that#And it infuriates me that me standing up for what's right is always framed as me being a delicate sensitive anorexic#You should treat fat people nice because they are people and deserve basic decency#I am not being overly sensitive by not wanting to hear your fatphobic crap#You're just not nice people#/rant over#Sorry for my little outburst guys! I am usually an easy going guy#I just get really riled up about this stuff#Fat people are wonderful and it is such a blessing to live in a world with such a huge range of different bodies!
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To be clear, I goddamn hated the finale on first watch. I was withering in my seat. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had no fucking idea what I was watching in that final scene lmao
and then Adrien said "when Ladybug gave me the rings—" and I was like— wait. LADYBUG? LADYBUG STILL EXISTS?
I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIMELINE HAD BEEN REWRITTEN 😭😭😭😭 I THOUGHT LADYBUG AND CHATN OIR DIDNT UFCKING EXIST uNTIL ADRIEN SAID THAT I WAS SO SO SO SCARED
and then I realized, oh wait. This isn't a complete utopian timeline rewrite. This is just a timeskip of a few months and Mme Bustier is just a kickass mayor. In fact, she's only mayor BECAUSE it's still the same timeline. And then I realized, hey, wait, if they didn't rewrite the timeline, then how tf is Emilie casually there with no questions?
And then I realized she was wearing black. And Félix was there. And I remembered Amelie exists.
Basically, I went into the finale chanting to myself "it's okay, it's okay... they probably wont bring Emilie back... they probably won't rewrite the entire timeline permanently.... right? please....", even though I didn't actually expect it to happen, but just because I was terrified that it could. And apparently that fear actually got to me so much that I misinterpreted the episode as being everything I didn't want it to be... when... it actually wasn't that at all
anyway, all of this is to say, everything in the episode happens so fast that it confused and terrified me at first. And when I realized what had happened, my opinion went from "my year is ruined" to "oh. well. okay. kind of disappointing, I guess". And then I kept thinking about it, and the ending, and all that is set up and rewatching the scenes and all the loose ends still in place and.... i realized I loved it?
like, every time I think about this finale, I love it more. every time i rewatch a scene, I get a little obsessed. this episode went from my nightmare to actually really really cool to me, and I'm still kind of reeling from it
Basically, this is why I've been kind of passionately defending the finale— not because I think people who don't like it are """dumb""" or anything, I don't blame people at all for that, and I totally get the confusion. I was confused too. And I know I'm not the only one who went in preparing themselves for the worst, or went in with very specific expectation on what will happen, because this finale has been long awaited for so long. I think everyone was shocked with how it ended. I think most people probably startled at Amelie's face (it's so easy to forget she exists....)
Anyways, I started this post basically as an apology for if I seem too aggressive or defensive about the finale. Because I get it! I get hating it! I get being disappointed or frustrated or confused! Part of why I'm so defensive is because I have all the arguments so ready on the tip of my tongue because I had the very same argument with myself already 😭 So I'm sorry if any of my posts came off as too aggressive and in advance for any future posts that might. I promise promise promise I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for having bad opinions on the finale! I just think this episode is really cool and the fact I related to a lot of the nay-sayers makes it easy to feel so impassioned about it.
But this post is getting off the rails and I'm just gonna let it, because some of my regrets w my participation in fandom is that I find myself chickening out of actually talking about my thoughts on episodes a lot. I get kind of overwhelmed and overthink everything after I've posted it and I'm a shy person. But my inbox is closed and this is the season 5 finale and I want to ramble and ramble so I will allow myself this
Basically, I went in with some very specific expectations for this episode. We all know about the Hawkmoth defeat story. Many of us have read it in fics over and over again, it was teased in Chat Blanc, we all know what we expect, we all know our favorite beats from it.
And what actually happened....... met virtually none of those beats. (For me, at least).
Like, Adrien wasn't there for the final episode. At all. He was completely absent from the confrontation. He never found out his father was Hawkmoth. He got his rings, but he never found out he was a sentimonster. He is living in the dark.
Ladybug confronted Monarch... alone. Which is sad, when so much of the series is dedicated to the partnership of her and Chat Noir. Them against the world....... and Monarch was "defeated" with nary a Chat Noir in sight.
The whole entire "Gabriel is known as a hero" thing. I don't think anybody was expecting that. Absolutely shocking.
The fact Marinette would lie to Adrien like that. The fact she's keeping so much from him. The fact everyone is. SO MANY people in Adrien's life (Marinette, Plagg, Nathalie, Felix, Amelie, Kagami, probably Alya, maybe more I'm not thinking of....) are just... lying to him, now. He is so in the dark. He knows nothing.
But.........
I kind of like that I didn't predict nearly any of this. I like that it caught me off guard. I love how this show just completely baffles me at every turn, how it will present concepts and ideas to me that I've never read a fic about.
In retrospect, Chat Noir being absent from the final battle... makes sense. It actually makes a lot of sense, if I think about it, because... there is only one possible way that could've gone, right? Chat Noir would not be allowed to have the emotional implosion that he would have to have. This is devastating. This is SO devastating. This is the entire shattering of Adrien's entire world we're talking about, and Chat Blanc is the only real way for that to end. Adrien has an emotional implosion in front of Monarch, he gets akumatized, it turns into an emotion explosion, extinction event. The end. We've already seen it.
And........ even if it didn't end that way, even if he managed to avoid akumatization...... how could the finale satisfyingly end on that note? How could it end in any semblance of a "wrapped up" way, at the very start of Adrien's emotional breakdown? It couldn't. I wouldn't WANT it to. In retrospect, Adrien finding out his dad is Monarch and then.... what? The season ends on a close-up of him crying? The season ends with a time-skip to the new school year where they skipped his entire grieving period!? I would HATE that, actually. I would hate that. I thought I wanted it, but I would hate it. I would hate it so so so much.
What's kind of amazing is that the finale ended with Monarch being defeated.... but Adrien still has those realizations to make. He still has those betrayals to come to terms with. There is time for him to make these realizations, for him to come to these conclusions, perhaps one at a time, perhaps in a more controlled environment.... and that gets me far, far more excited for the seasons to come than an episode that tried to wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.
Also, the reason Adrien didn't go to the final battle was because he feared becoming Chat Blanc. He didn't know the truth to it, didn't understand that literally, yes, that's what would have happened if he was there, even if he hadn't been under a nightmare curse. But he still knew. He still expected it. He willingly chose to sit it out, no matter how much he hated it, because he knew. And there's something kind of powerful to that, I think, of Adrien making a choice that is so unequivocally the Correct choice, even more than he realized. And the strength it took for him to make that decision...... damn.
As for the lies and the Gabriel statue? I... it's upsetting, but it's supposed to be. And I believe it. I absolutely believe it. I 10000% believe Marinette would keep the secret of Monarch's identity to herself to try to save Adrien the pain. I 10000% believe that the population could easily be led to believe a famous billionaire is a hero. I 10000% believe that Adrien would WANT to believe it. I 10000% believe Tomoe would take advantage of it.
And I can't wait to see that illusion crumble.
Also.... this is the beginning of The Lila arc.
And the Lila arc begins on........ Marinette telling the biggest, boldest face lie she ever told. The Lila arc begins on the most extreme city-wide illusion we've ever seen. It begins on such a huge fabrication and....
..... it's Marinette's lie.
............ and Lila knows that it's a lie.
I'm
!!?!?!?!
This is so fucking cool???? The irony here??? the deceit???? All these loose ends, all the possible confrontations, all the ways this could GO. I don't know where the show is taking this, obviously, because nobody ever can predict where this show is going apparently (and I love it for that), but oh my god. I'm imagining all the fics I could read about this. all the fics I could write. all the thoughts and scenarios that this finale has provided me with to daydream about as I go to sleep.
Adrien, going through the motions of life. Looking up to his father as a hero, despite the fact the last time he saw him, Adrien was sobbing, in tears, and cursing his name. Adrien, after all the abuse he was subject to, having to look up at a statue of his father and...... be forced to think that maybe he was wrong about his father. But he's not wrong. He WASN'T wrong. He just THINKS that he is. His father is going to continue to loom over his life in ways I never expected post-hawkmoth. Adrien's relationship with Gabriel has not ended, a new and terrifying and horrible new chapter of it has simply begun, and Adrien is still as manipulated by his father's ghost as he was by his father himself.
THAT'S. WILD!!!
also, Adrien now believes that MONARCH MURDERED HIS FATHER. Chat Noir now believes that his greatest nemesis KILLED HIS FATHER. CHAT NOIR, resident self-sacrificer, believes that HIS FATHER was a HERO who DIED FIGHTING MONARCH. Adrien thinks that maybe he should be more like his father— more like his father who died in battle. This is. Not Good. For Adrien.
And it's Marinette that started this. Well intentioned Marinette, who doesn't really understand the extent of the horrors. Marinette, Adrien's girlfriend, the person he trusts most. She did this.
And, I mean.... god. I totally get how this sucks for a lot of people, because it's objectively upsetting.... but I LOVE lovesquare tension. Season 4 is probably my favorite season for that reason alone (still mulling over if season 5 beat it for me). I love the relationship drama, I love that it's in character drama, I love how it fits everything we know about them sososo well, I love that it's horrible and it's terrible and it's awful and it's all because Marinette loved Adrien too much to want to hurt him.
I was worried no reveal would mean that season 6 would just be... what? adrienette fluff? not that I don't love that, but where's the drama? well. there it is. that's the drama.
I need to stop typing this. I know this is abysmally long and ranty and if you read all of this then I'm sorry. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out.
But basically, I was expecting a lot of things for the finale.
In my best case scenario, it would somehow, miraculously tie up and address all the loose ends with Adrien's angst and character arc in two episodes.... and then end with me totally satisfied, ready to only half-heartedly watch season 6 like it was just a small dessert after the main course.
And I already described my worst case scenario (my first impression of the episode lmao)
But it wasn't that. I was expecting a series finale, but I got a season finale. And I love season finales. I love how they keep me wanting more. I love how excited I am for season 6, because in both my best and worst case scenarios, I honestly didn't expect to be. I love all the new ideas and thoughts and scenarios swirling around in my brain. And even if season 6 doesn't address some of the things I want addressed, I'm so excited to see the creative content in this fandom that DOES
#ml spoilers#ml s5 spoilers#ml s5 finale spoilers#ml re-creation#ml recreation#recreation spoilers#re-creation spoilers#I am SO SO SO SORRY that htis rant went OFF and I just rambled and rambled and I'm sure nobody will read this. however#sometimes I want to be silly. and my silly moment is rambling about my favorite show into the void on my tumblr#im not proof reading this so im so sorry if it's. um. all over the place and riddled w typos 😭 im vibing im vibing
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GORGEOUS art from @harbingersecho for my new fic for @zukkabigbang2024!
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[Image ID: A close-up painting of Sokka and Zuko sitting on a bench in a park at night. Sokka is holding a smoking cigarette and Zuko is holding a beer. They're looking at each other and smiling. /. End ID]
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how it feels to have a heartbeat
He lit a cigarette with his fingertip and took a drag, leaning hard against the pillar behind him, sliding down into a squat, glad the sidewalk was mostly empty. He sat like that for a while, lost in thought, just appreciating the silence, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He twisted around and looked up at the man standing there. “Sorry to bother you. You wouldn’t have a lighter by any chance, would you?” the man said. Zuko stood up, turning to face the man fully. He felt suddenly lightheaded from standing too abruptly and reached out to steady himself against the concrete beside him, managing to reach out a flame-tipped finger with his other hand. “Thanks,” the man said, leaning in slightly to light the tip of his cigarette, eyes locked with Zuko’s the whole time. Zuko stared dumbly. He’d never seen anyone before who looked quite like this guy. He wouldn’t have taken him as a local, yet his accent told Zuko that he likely was. He had the clearest blue eyes Zuko had ever seen. He could hardly look away. “I, uh…”
Modern meets meet cute meets magical realism in a love letter to Taipei told by Zukka.
#i am SO happy its here this has been my baby!!!!!#LOOK AT THIS GORGEOUS ART I AM BEYOND HAPPY!!!!#zukka big bang 2024#zukka#fanfic#hifthah#im super excited to hear feedback and work on the final two chapters#mine#fanart#which is not mine lol#atla#these tags are all over the place im sorry its been a terrible fibro day#greatest hits#100
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rewatching one piece episode 1119 has me thinking a lot about sabo + his emotions
like. you can see in the episode that what happened to king cobra genuinely affected him. he wanted to save king cobra, and he was obviously upset at his inability to save king cobra. and we know from the manga that when he is a stowaway on the ship back to lulusia, he thinks back to king cobra's dying words and has a pained expression.
yet... to dragon and ivankov, he tells them he is okay with what happened if it fuels the flames of the revolution. he keeps a straight face, despite shaking a bit, and does his best to seem unaffected by what happened.
and then i think back to dressrosa, when koala called sabo after he reunited with luffy, and how sabo didn't cry when he saw luffy, but cried after when talking to koala.
and then i remember how young he was when he was named chief of staff. what a heavy burden that is on the shoulders of someone so young. how he has probably forced himself to be strong, to show no weakness or vulnerability because weakness and vulnerability can be used against him and he is responsible for the lives of hundreds if not thousands of people. how he has probably tried to model himself off of dragon, who is stoic and doesn't easily show his emotions. or kuma, who after suffering a massive loss threw himself harder into his work, pushed himself further to achieve their goals.
and it makes me wonder... if we'll ever get to a breaking point with sabo. if something will happen that will just make him snap and lose that mask, that strength he hides his vulnerabilities behind. and i wonder what that would look like.
#this is incoherent and all over the place and i am so sorry i am just fascinated by sabo esp after the reverie flashbacks#he uses strength as a wall and a mask with which he can hide his weaknesses and vulnerabilities behind but i kinda wanna see what happens#when that wall breaks down#one piece#sabo#revolutionary sabo#egghead spoilers
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Happy birthday to an icon!!!! Dr. Roxana Prism you'll always be famous
#i expect you to die#ieytd#i expect you to die 3#roxana prism#ieytd 3#gene art#tbh i am a day late but i know it's still the 4th somewhere#also sorry for the inactivity my attention is just all over da place#but ieytd still lives rent free in my mind
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part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 (these make one big story, you won't understand this part without the others)
day 07: free space a happy ending
Wakefulness embraces him so slowly and gently that Steve’s not entirely sure he isn’t dreaming when he sees Eddie lying next to him, watching him with an easy smile as his fingers tap out a slow beat on his pillow. Steve looks at him, blinking away the remnants of sleep, not quite daring to do anything more than that for fear of it being a dream after all, scared that Eddie would disappear if Steve reached out to touch.
But then Eddie’s smile widens. “Good morning, sunshine.”
Steve gasps a little and moves his hand to Eddie’s cheek, tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear, his breath hitching when Eddie leans into the touch.
“You’re here,” he whispers, his gaze wandering over Eddie’s features, taking it all in and looking for any indication that this is a dream.
Eddie hums. “And you’re pretty.”
It hits him out of nowhere, the open sincerity in Eddie’s voice, the fondness in his eyes, the honesty in everything about him. The love, open and free now — or getting there, at least. It’s still so raw, though, so new, that Steve doesn’t know how to handle it yet.
“Shut up,” he huffs once he’s caught his breath, rolling over to hide his face and the way his cheeks are heating up. He rolls right into Eddie's chest, though, and he's so warm, so close, smells so good that Steve wants nothing more than to bury his face in his neck and stay there for the rest of the morning. Or maybe the rest of his life.
The reflex to pull away is there. The urge to run and hide, to laugh it off, to freeze up and find something else to do, something to occupy his hands and stop them from reaching for Eddie. Years and years of muscle memory telling Steve to leave.
But Eddie's arms come around him, holding him close and pulling him even closer. And Steve breathes him in, remembering that it can be okay. Remembering that they get a chance now.
Remembering the words.
What are you doing?
Changing the world.
So he tries that, too. Changing the world. He tries by winding his arms around Eddie, too, and breathing in again and again, learning that Eddie won't disappear if he does.
Slowly, he dares to move his arms, stroking along Eddie's back in slow, gentle patterns, lulling himself into a safety he hasn't felt in a while. Maybe ever. At some point Eddie begins to hum, and Steve thinks that it's just another one of his audible smiles, inviting Steve and the rest of the world to join in if they're so inclined. But then he detects a familiar melody in the vibrations of Eddie's neck against his skin, and he holds his breath to find out what it is.
His heart jumps when he recognises the song as one he used to listen to on repeat like a lovesick fool around the time his feelings for Eddie turned into something more, something better, something infinitely worse.
It skips and he forgets how to breathe as he lets his hands travel over Eddie's back, slowly and tentatively daring to slip underneath his shirt and touch his skin.
Eddie begins to sing, then, and Steve wonders if he's even been in love with him before, because nothing of what he's ever felt compares to Eddie's gentle, hoarse, sleep-rough voice as he sings Somebody to Steve, to their little bubble, or to the world outside.
"I want somebody to share, share the rest of my lifeShare my innermost thoughts, know my intimate details."
He closes his eyes as he listens, focusing on the vibrations, on the warmth, on the closeness, on how this moment is everything he's never even dared to want. Everything so perfect that he couldn't even dream it up.
Everything. You're everything.
He needs to be closer still, so be buries his nose in Eddie's neck and breathes him in, tangling their legs, filled with a breathless kind of joyful bliss when Eddie's breath hitches, too, and he stumbles over the words of the second verse as Steve tries to climb into his skin.
"I want somebody who cares for me passionatelyWith every thought and with every breath."
You have me, Steve thinks, pressing his lips to Eddie's pulse point. It's not a kiss, not quite. It's something deeper. It's a promise.
Eddie's hands come up to hold him there even as his voice carries through the drumbeat of Steve's heart in his throat, running fingers through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp, making him purr along to the melody.
"But when I'm asleep I want somebodyWho will put their arms around me and kiss me tenderlyThough things like this make me sickIn a case like this, I'll get away with it."
When the song ends, Eddie's words faded out, replaced once again by the gentlest silence, Steve feels raw. Vulnerable. Open and exposed. But he also feels safe, and loved, buried in Eddie's skin and held there, as though Eddie is just as scared of fading away as Steve is.
He lifts his head just slightly, enough to meet Eddie's eyes – only to find that they're closed, an expression so serene like Steve has never seen before. Mesmerised and overflowing with affection, he reaches out to trace the line of his brows, down to his cheeks and all the way to his lips, where his eyes are glued for a second.
The thought of kissing Eddie is right there. The opportunity is, too. But he doesn't. He barely dares to move as it is. But he does roll them over the rest of the way until he lies comfortably on top of Eddie, and tucks his head underneath his chin, finding one of his hands and lacing their fingers.
"You've got him," he breathes eventually. "That somebody. If you—“
"Yes," Eddie says, his other hand finding its way to the nape of Steve's neck to play with his hair again. "I want."
"Good." It's lame; far from what he wants to say. From what he has already said last night. It feels like they're doing this backwards, starting with the I love you and catching up with the slow build-up afterwards. "Good. Me, too."
"Good," Eddie hums, and there's that smile again that Steve can't help but mirror.
They fall asleep again like that even though it’s already late in the morning; cuddling and holding and cradling each other, still trembling slightly. Maybe that's what changing the world will do to you. Maybe that's the bravery more than the love.
Or maybe it's just Steve and Eddie. Steve and Eddie. SteveandEddie.
I love you.
~*~
It takes a bit for Steve to relearn loving Eddie. To not associate it with tragedy and sadness and a bone-deep loneliness that'll leave him breathless even on the best of days.
It takes a while for Steve to learn a whole new kind of breathlessness, a whole new kind of aching when it comes to Eddie.
And Eddie's not much better than Steve, pulling away when Steve wants him closer, swallowing his words and needing a second, third, fourth try until he learns that he gets to love Steve now.
Years of unrequited love, or feelings unreturned, of words put out into the universe with no one to receive them, are not easily or quickly unwritten. But every time Steve's breath gets lodged in his throat and he wants to run away, Eddie is right there to remind him of what they can have now. Every time Steve tries to be a little less of who he really is, Eddie is right there to coax him out of his head with gentle touch and a lot of hugs.
Every time Eddie starts to doubt himself and all the ways he makes Steve the happiest person on the planet, Steve is right there with the words he only has for Eddie. Words that don't get stuck anymore. Words that finally get a recipient.
~*~
Their first kiss, the first real kiss, doesn't happen that first morning. They spend the first week only holding each other, barely wanting to let go, hiding their vulnerabilities within each other.
Steve is worried about it at first, seeing Eddie so quiet, so reverent, lacking his usual cheer, his energy and snarky comments. He asks about it one night, ready to prove right that he isn't and can never be enough for him, that all he will do is steal the things that make him Eddie.
Eddie stops then, lifting Steve's chin with a finger when he's too scared, too ashamed, too vulnerable to meet his eyes on his own accord.
"Stevie," Eddie says, his voice so gentle that Steve immediately feels stupid for doubting. "I have loved you for ten years. I've had you for three days. Let me bask in it. Let me be unable to be myself with how absolutely and utterly overcome I am with the knowledge that I have you now. That I get to hold you. That I get to kiss you and keep you and... God. I'm not unhappy. I'm so much the opposite of that that I'm not sure there's a word for it. Other than devoted. Smitten. Bewitched, body and soul."
Steve wants to kiss him then. Almost does, with the way they're just staring at each other, breathing the same air —air that smells like Eddie now. In the end, Eddie just holds him, brushing a kiss to his cheek, his forehead, his temple, and whispers, "Let me bask in it."
And so they do.
Wayne called Eddie not long after with the words, "Chrissy just told me the wedding's off. Please tell me that means what I think it means."
Eddie just blushed, reaching for Steve, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "Yeah, I, uh. I finally talked to Steve."
There was a very loud cheer on the other end that made Steve laugh, falling into Eddie's side, holding him tight, a weight falling off his shoulders knowing that Wayne was okay with them.
You know, I always figured it would be you.
No matter what happens, you'll always be a son to me.
It made his eyes sting again, but he basked in the moment and in the knowledge that Wayne was on their side. Always has been, always will be.
"You better come here on Sunday, and bring Robin and Chrissy, too."
"Robs and Chrissy?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, you're in for a treat. I'll see your asses on Sunday, boys."
And with that, he hung up. Steve immediately went to call Robin, hopeful and giddy with Wayne's implication, knowing that Chrissy was Robin's person just like Eddie was his.
"She loves me," Robin said, on the verge of tears, and Steve joined here right then and there. "She's– Steve. She's so– She... God!"
"Yeah," Steve laughed at the ceiling above his bed, grinning because Robin sounded so happy, not even caring that she didn't have the right words for it, because he could hear Chrissy laughing in the background, too. Laughing and saying hi to him and interrupting Robin's ramblings and groans and giggles with kisses that always left her dumbstruck for a good two seconds each time.
When the call ended, he went right back to the living room, where he and Eddie started watching Pride and Prejudice before, and fell right on top of him with a happy, happy smile.
~*~
It happens at Wayne's, exactly one week after Eddie showed up at Steve's in the middle of the night. One week after the phone call. One week after I love you.
It happens in the soft glow of the fairy lights Steve and Eddie helped him put up years ago. I happens after Wayne hugged him tight once more, after he pulled Chrissy to the side and promised her that she's still his kid, that he still loves her, and that he's happy to see her smile like that. After he promised the same to Robin.
It happens when Wayne's inside to refill their drinks and Chrissy and Robin are caught up in each other that they're blind and deaf to the rest of the world. When Steve turns to find Eddie looking at him with the softest, gentlest expression.
"Eddie," he whispers, leaning in to rest their heads together, lacing their fingers and stroking his thumb along Eddie's palm.
"Yeah, baby?"
Baby. It fills him with butterflies, with the urge to scream, to shout from all the rooftops that he loves Eddie, and more importantly, that Eddie loves him back! Baby. Baby.
"I love you."
"Hmm. I love you more."
No, you don't. Just longer. "Can I kiss you?"
He can feel Eddie's little gasp before he leans in even closer, rubbing their noses together, cradling Steve's face with his free hand. "Please," he whispers.
And Steve does. He captures Eddie's lips, pouring into it everything he feels and more. Sealing the promises he's made and all the ones he's yet to make. The promises to love and cherish Eddie. To be brave. To be there. To stay and keep and bask.
It's nothing like their first kiss all those years ago. There is no question behind it this time. Only declarations, only promises, only the beginning of a shared future.
And there are many, many more after this one.
🌷🤍🌷 THE END 🌷🤍🌷
tagging: @sexymothmanincarnate @mcneen @livsters @eddiemunchondeeznuts @abstractnaturaldisaster @steddie-as-they-go @hyperfixationgoddess @goodolefashionedloverboi @stxrcrossed186 @eddiemunsonswife @bidisastersworld @ghost-ly-s @romanticdestruction @walkingaftermidnight07 @anaibis @rainydays35 @mightbeasleep @sunfloweringstories @korixae @tuesdaycats @totoroinatardis @ilovebookshowboutyou @musical-theatre-gay @theluckyalien @copingmechanizm @srra @changelingbaby @sassygoop @obsessivelyme @r0binscript @hardboiledleggs @estrellami-1 @bisexualdisastersworld @space-invading-pigeon @swimmingbirdrunningrock @y0urnewstepp4r3nt @oxidantdreamboat @spilled-jar @phirex22 @littlemsterious @captaingigglyguinea @animecookie95 @sharingisntkaren @haluton @littlemsterious @animecookie95 @suddenlyinlove @bisexual-bilingual-biped @jinx-nanami @makewavesandwar @scheodingers-muppet @morcantinon @hexdbog @homosexualhomocide13
god i can't believe it's over. i thank you, every one of you, who cheered for me, cried with me, screamed and yelled at me, and stayed with me throughout this past week. i have no words right now other than thank you 🤍🌷 and i hope this is okay
#steddie#steddie fic#steddieweek2023#steddie week fic#i feel like this one's a bit disjointed but i kinda like that about it?? little snippets that make a happy ending you know??#idk i hope you like it too (i always get anxious about endings tbh catch me vibrating out of my skin)#dio words#i cannot believe it is done. i cannot believe what a ride it's been. i'll find the words for it later i think. first we read. and we bask 🤍#morcantinon i am ENDLESSLY sorry i forgot to tag you even after you sent that wonderful ask please forgive me 😭🤍#i also forget a bunch of people who asked in the reblogs but dear god i hope you find this anyway i am all over the place#i will edit this and work in more chrissy/robin when i post it to ao3. but this is steddie week. and these are 15k words of an au#that happened spontaneously and within 2h each night of me flying by the seat of my pants. xD
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somebody hold me tight my gempearl people we are in the trenches i dont know what's worse the fact that pearl thought that gem and her stil had an unspoken alliance for wild life because they did it for secret life and that’s their thing (they trust each other until the end) but they DON’T or the fact that sl!gem genuinely loved pearl so much that what happened in the finale was a big betrayal for her and it hurt her so much that she feels like she can’t trust pearl now in wild life (and also how she is so bent on making friends and being on the good side of most because, well, she's been betrayed before right?)
gem is already on edge and will lash out at anyone that even tries to take, approach weirdly or do anything to her or joel but pearl doesn’t understand the importance of what they had in secret life held for gem. for gem the bridge of what they had was burnt alongside the sunflower field and it was burnt by pearl. for pearl the bridge was never burnt, it only carries the ashes of the field.
it’s the fact that despite all the bitterness and rage and anger brewing inside her, gem can't help but show a bit of concern when pearl tells her that she's had a rough day.
the layers of miscommunication between them are so many i need them to TALK and FIX this before something else happens.
does NOT help that Pearl’s minor slip up at the end of the cobblestone wall interaction indirectly fuelled more of Gem’s paranoia/scepticism for Impulse + Pearl, because her “well now I don’t know who to try this on, everyone else are allies” meant that she ONLY viewed Gem and Joel as enemies. which. isn’t the case. she just meant people who are neutral to her. because Pearl where did you get allies from you’ve been dying down in the mines and eating your own sword (/lh). but OF COURSE Gem would view that as them being enemies now. hey. you know what this miscommunication reminds me of. this lil minecraft series on youtube called Double-
narratively this is so. this is awesome man. i want to see how this resolves so bad.
#my mind is all over the place rn i have so many thoughts. and not enough words#the parallels between Gem and Scott’s relationship to Pearl are so cool dude. ok. they both actually care at the end of the day.#anon its ok. if they dont get through the divorce then at least it’ll be funny when they play it takes two together/j#and trust me i am hanging on by a thread from Gem’s lil ‘I’m sorry’ after Pearl tells her about her day#they care. but that doesn’t make Pearl’s choice from SL nothing. it still hurts and thats ok#anyway. chat how about some nosy neighbours to alienkeep (Pearl + impulse) parallels- [gets shot]#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#wild life smp#gempearl#mcyt#asks
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thinking about the Charlie's birthday stream. not the ending, no, we think about that too much. no I think about everything else:
the happiness, the joy, the warmth of it all for nearly two full hours
the lack of mob spawns that night because it’s Charlie's birthday and he has eggs with him. how intentional it is. how funny it is and how sad it makes me because its so considerate
thinking about Tallulah by Charlie's side the whole time, diligently leading him from item to item as his little "guardian angel". Charlie trying to be a good tio and falling a little short sometimes, accidentally leaving Tallulah behind when she crashes but still trying cause that’s his sobrina. how she has to actually hit him to get his attention and how bad she must feel but it's so fucking funny each time
(how can anyone blame him when he never gets to hang out with the eggs enough to know he should wait for her? Charlie had Juanaflippa for what- 10 days? and was practically shunned by several others and himself from interacting with other eggs after his action, which is understandable, but only for so long. can they not see how he plays with the eggs? hear how soft his voice gets around them? don't the other islanders understand?)
this is maybe the longest he's gotten to hang out with tallulah since he got his backpack. Wilbur is his best friend and this was the egg he left behind. He's still learning and Tallulah still loves him despite it. Two people missing someone dearly, yet they have each other even if it's hard to realize
thinking about "Maybe Tallulah, you were the gift. I think you're the gift, Tallulah."
thinking about Richas, his nephew because Charlie has Mike, an actual brother that is equally excited to see him time and time again. A nephew coming around with the slime head and slime balls, like a mini Charlie, who is decked out in a full ghillie suit. Charlie who plays with the egg, pretending to be a spooky monster and richas playing along and getting scared
thinking about Charlie not knowing how to use the ghillie suit properly so he's still clearly visible to the eggs, yet they act like he isn't for his sake. shepherding him around from place to place because charlie is a little clueless yeah (he's in exile, go easy on him), but they are patient and happy to "tag along" and let him lead
thinking about them all taking a picture with him in the school, charlie wanting one with both of them, something to remember the day by.
thinking about how charlie is clearly loved by the eggs, his huevos, and how he clearly loves them back and is trying to be better for them even if he struggles so much
thinking about Charlie Slimecicle on his birthday, for once happy after everything he's been through, Tallulah and Richarlyson by his side
just him, his sobrina, and his nephew on a little scavenger hunt under the stars while the rest of the server remains quiet and calm. asleep while they remain lively
just them
happy
#slimecicle#qsmp#qsmp tallulah#qsmp richarlyson#qsmp slimecicle#i am soooooooooooo normal about charlie and the eggs#let him be HAPPY PLEASE#it kills me time and time again how#the eggs clearly love him#but charlie doesn't love himself#i'm chewing on drywall over this#why did it have to end like it did#we were so close to having all the focus on Charlie and tallulah and richas for a couple of days#of charlie beginning to HEAL#even if just a little#all of his time with lullah and richas gets overshadowed by codeflippa and i hate it truly im sorry but i do#sorry this just bugs me to no end and it's why i started writing again in the first place#mad ramblings#ALSO THINKING ABOUT BAD LETTING HIM 'BABYSIT' WHILE HE STEPPED AWAY#GOD I MISS HIM INTERACTING WITH THE EGGS#LET HIM HAVE A FUN NO STAKES LITTLE MISSION WITH ALL OF THEM PLEASE NO ANGST#TALLULAH#THE ONLY PERSON TO GO OUT OF HER WAY TO GIVE CHARLIE A BIRTHDAY GIFT OF HER OWN VOLITION#THAT MAY HAVE DISAPPEARED WHEN THEY REMODELED HIS HOME FOR CHARLIES REAL 'GIFT' I HATE YOUUUUUUUU
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sike sorry im not done priestposting actually. here's also today's doodles from the note app from when i was waiting for my soup to cook.
#woe enki be upon ye#enki ankarian#enki#funger#fear and hunger#tw eyestrain#maybe?#ok i am done now tho#sorry that im all over the place on this blog but thats what you signed up for#but yea favourite crusty old man who is actually only 29 year old lmao
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first batch
#clemart#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#Elvis Purrsley#<- vinny is there too#tourist tumbles#tumbles ttcc#doe vinci#bro vinci#resistance ranger rain#rain ttcc#sorry the elvis was technically my first one so hes a little more all-over the place bc he counted as my warmup#i should also note i asked my priv twt for suggestions too for fun#this is like 4/18 toons. i wasnt expecting so many but needless to say i am not disappointed. i hope these slop sketches satisfy#im trying to keep away from just doing headshots. or limiting it as much as i can
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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[047] Applied my version of Doom's partial invisibility fuzz effect and an accidental offshoot I created in the process, heehee :-)
#047#xisuma#xisumavoid#daily xisuma#hermitcraft#flashing#pretty sure...better safe than sorry#hey I have so many words about this actually!!!#if you wanna learn what the doom fuzz effect is/how it works I recommend decino's video on partial invisibility. somewhere past the halfway#mark he explains it!#it's basically like...for each pixel you either take the pixel on top of it darken it and use it; or you take the pixel below darken it and#use it. and the way you determine whether you do top or bottom is through a list of “top bottom bottom top bottom” that never changes and#you cycle through. so it's a sort of repeating pattern that you make look random by starting at different places in the list#second gif is created when you apply the effect over an image that has already had the effect applied to it. I coded it on accident and#scared myself HAHAHA#really neat though! first time I actually did image processing because I am a little silly but it went quite well once I figured out#how the frick bufferedimages work#I wanna make this work for non pixel art now mmm. will have to do some un-doomy modifications for that unfortunately. oh well? mmm.#already it's not perfectly in the spirit of doom because I math.random() my problems away when choosing the fuzz table start index for each#new image. if I cared enough I'd carry over the index that I ended on but alas. I do NOT care that much! (shockingly)#all it really changes is that every time you generate the fuzz it's different versus in doom spirit it would always be the same
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I Guess You Just Don’t Love Me Anymore
GIF from @glowing-starlight on Tumblr
I was so taken by @ash-arts-but-sinful's post which mentions P being jealous of the cat and @oldworldghost’s post which contains the idea of him becoming more mischievous and sassy as he becomes human that I just had to write a little something, I hope it’s alright that I drew on your thoughts for some inspiration!
As a disclaimer, I haven’t finished my first play-through yet so this is more of a character study based off of what I’ve experienced in-game and what I’ve been seeing on Tumblr instead of delving heavily into the world-building and established story that exists within the game. So hopefully no spoilers and it’s very likely that this won’t at all line up with the in-game timeline.
Big thanks to @cupidsredcollar beloved for proofreading <3
For as long you had known Pinocchio you had never known him to be a jealous individual, in fact, when you’d first met that bleak, overcast morning in Hotel Krat you had been almost unsettled by his uncanny nature.
His features were perfectly human, aside from the metal prosthetic he’d been fitted with. He had freckles and soft hair, a face that looked fashioned from a real person instead of the smiling caricatures Krat’s puppets were usually fitted with.
But despite his boyish features, his face barely moved, he nodded along to Sophia as she gave him the task of locating his father, Mr. Geppetto, and tilted his head in question as Lady Antonia explained the concept of lying but his brows didn’t so much as pinch, his lips didn’t quirk and his eyes looked straight through you as you had wished him safety on his travels.
So watching in real time as he came into his own was something you cherished greatly, you continued to watch him grow and change, become something new. Pinocchio chose to spend a lot of his down time with you, he said he found you interesting, that you had a way of explaining humanity that made sense to him and over the last couple of weeks something had started to shift in him.
No, Pinocchio had never been a jealous individual, for as long as you’d known him.
Until today.
Your morning had started normally, woken up by the cool feeling of P’s lips against your forehead, human hand smoothing back your hair. He mumbled something about needing to go out, you tried to convince him to come back to bed, he tried to convince you to get up (he always wins).
P drags you down to the kitchen, you eat and he watches, something that was initially a little awkward but you’ve come to really look forward to, then you farewell each other at the rear entrance of the hotel.
He holds you close to his chest, resting his lips to your hairline and making you promise to look after yourself and your companions while he’s away, you make him promise to be careful though you know he’s not always able to, often catching glimpses of Sophia muttering blessings and incantations under her breath in the foyer.
“It’s just Ergo hunting today, I’ll be more than careful.” He whispers, human arm winding around your shoulder. You breathe him in, hands to his chest feeling the odd sensation of his heart, not quite a tick but not quite a beat.
You lean up to kiss against the slant of his jaw, his mechanical pulse jumping in response. He looks down at you, you catch the fondness in his blue eyes without mistake, he captures your lips in his, holding on for a second longer than he knows is necessary (it’s not like you mind though).
Lounging against the doorway, watching him walk towards the entrance of Elysion Boulevard, he turns and gives a last longing look over his shoulder before stepping through the wrought iron gates and disappearing from view.
You sigh, making your way back inside to start on your usual round of chores, helping where you could to take the load off of Polendina who needed more time to focus on Lady Antonia and her illness. You had just returned to the puppet butler for more tasks when you noticed movement on the top of the shelf behind the front desk.
Sitting tall and proud was Hotel Krat’s resident sweetheart, Spring, tail swishing steadily as she kept watch of the foyer from her perch. The white and orange cat jumped down to the desk as she noticed you, laying down across the dark wood and turning over in gesture for belly rubs; which you gave happily.
“She’s been very noisy today,” Polendina explained, stroking the cat, “I wonder what she’s trying to tell us?”
“Probably trying to manipulate us into giving her more treats, isn’t that right?” You accused lightly, you were sure that if he could, Polendina would be smiling.
“There is another load of laundry that needs folding, could I have a hand?” He asked politely.
“Of course Polendina.”
And it seemed you had found yourself a shadow, Spring making an unreasonable amount of noise as she followed you and Polendina around the hotel. She wound between your legs, chirruped in response to your voices and bumped her head against whatever part of your bodies were within her reach.
It was no surprise that Spring was loved by the inhabitants of the hotel, and it was very apparent that she loved them back, well everyone except for P. Not for lack of trying of course, he followed your advice of trying to build trust between him and the animal but she wouldn’t so much as let P touch her, hissing her disapproval for all to hear.
You’d often watch as P would recoil from Spring, the feline swiping and spitting at the puppet. You couldn’t tell from his expressions if the cat’s dislike for him bummed him out but sometimes as he lay next to you in bed he would lament quietly that Spring hated him, which would award him a sound of humoured pity and a kiss for the cheek.
It wasn’t clear what it was about P that set Spring off so aggressively. In all the time you had spent at Hotel Krat she’d never behaved in such an unfriendly way, even complete strangers who would seek refuge for short periods of time were welcome to interact with Spring freely.
She would bask in the attention. You hoped that she would eventually come around to the puppet, given it looked like he would be around for the long haul and you just knew the two would be the best of friends if she would stop being so nasty.
But P was patient, far more patient than you were and it showed as you folded and unfolded the same piece of linen for the third time without realising, Polendina placed a gloved hand over your own, silently relieving you of duty.
“Apologies, my mind seems to be elsewhere Polendina.”
“You worry for the boy, it’s only natural that your mind wanders.” You sometimes forget how long Polendina has been around, having been a close companion of Lady Antonia’s for decades. You had a feeling he knew more about human emotions than he let on, somehow he always knew what to say when it came to your thoughts surrounding Geppetto’s Puppet.
“I just can’t help it, and with him figuring out who he is, I fear he’ll get himself hurt by being too kind.” You wring your hands in your lap, focusing hard on the lines in your skin as you try to keep yourself from thinking of anything too awful.
“He has met humans who have given him trouble before and he has a good head on his shoulders. I would wager that you have nothing to worry about, but I understand that may not put your mind at ease.”
“It doesn’t but thank you.” Your hand went to Polendina’s shoulder with a smile. “I think I’m going to find something else to do, try and get my mind off of things.”
Polendina nodded once, going back to folding the linens, “I’ll send the boy your way when he returns.”
You smiled in earnest, appreciative of Polendina’s knowing kindness.
Spring, who had been lounging between you and Polendina, got up, stretching herself out and scampering over to your side. She meowed frantically to grasp your attention.
Her interruptions continued as you made your way around the kitchen. It wasn’t particularly dirty given how little it was being used now, however, the repetitive action of wiping down the countertops and sweeping the floor were just the distraction you were looking for.
Your ears perked up at the heavy steps of boots on marble floors, the jingle of P’s belt was something you could identify in your sleep. He stood tall in the doorway, all sweet smiles and fidgeting hands. Happy to see you, always happy to see you.
He was shockingly clean as he approached, resting his forehead to yours as his hands found their place on your waist, all the scolding about tracking oil and muck through the hotel was finally paying off.
You ran your hands over the intricate designs embossed onto the lapel of his coat, smoothing the fabric down before hooking your hands behind his neck.
“Welcome home, pretty boy.” You cooed, brushing your nose against his.
He liked the small intimacies you shared, bunny kisses you’d come to find were a favourite of his.
“You can go and relax if you want, I’m just cleaning.” You offered, but he shook his head.
Spring had also gotten bored of waiting on you, brushing up against your legs. So there you stood, sandwiched between your two favourite beings.
And two shadows wouldn’t be so bad if they would stop getting under foot, you laughed as Spring and P fought for your attention while you made your way around the kitchen.
P hovered close, slinging his arm around your waist as you tried to pass him. You stopped short as he pressed his face into your neck, leaning back against his chest and resting your hands over his wrist. You could feel him smile against your skin, a careful, small smile that only he could manage.
At that moment Spring took it upon herself to jump up onto the counter in front of you, hissing and swiping at P, he scowled and pulled you closer.
“Beast,” he scowled, you gaped at P, smacking the back of your hand at his chest.
“Don’t be horrible, she’s just protecting her territory,” you chided,
“I haven’t done anything to her, yet she spits at me.” He complained, you thought your ears might be playing tricks on you at the distinct sound of a whine in his tone.
“You love her.” You reminded smugly, a truth he was unable to escape.
“Yeah, unfortunately,” he mumbled, you pushed against his hold, trying to signal your want to move and he hesitantly loosened his grip. Hand ghosting over your waist as he watched you go, you threw a smile over your shoulder which he returned in kind.
You gave Spring a kiss on the head, letting her nuzzle her face against yours before scooping her up and putting her down on the floor where she went back to curling around your legs.
“Ah, so the cat gets a kiss but I don’t?” P asked. You snorted, flinging the rag you’d been using to polish the countertops over your shoulder.
You lent your hip against the counter and crossed your arms over your chest, “you never asked for a kiss, how was I supposed to know that’s what you wanted?”
“I feel like it was obvious.” He placed both of his hands on the counter, stretching his arms out straight as he pushed against the granite.
You rolled your eyes in jest, unable to keep the fond smile from creeping onto your face, playfully exasperated you closed the short distance between the two of you. Lifting up on your tip-toes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, he was quick to move his head once you’d pulled back. Hands to your waist and pulling you against him, sealing his lips to yours so quickly it pulled a sound of shock from your throat.
“What’s up with you today, you’ve been awfully touchy.” You teased, twisting the ends of his hair between your fingers. “Not that I’m complaining of course.”
“Missed you,” he murmured, pressing his lips to your forehead tenderly.
“I missed you too, always miss you when you’re gone.” You placed a hand on his cheek, thumb rubbing gently under his eye.
He pulled the rag from your shoulder and threw it behind you unceremoniously, taking your hand from his cheek to drag you out of the kitchen, a laugh bubbled out of your throat that P was happy to mischievously return.
He led you to the library, seating you at the piano and turning away to rifle through the sheet music stacked in a crate on the floor. He’d been getting better day by day.
His body wasn’t exactly built to do delicate actions but that never seemed to stop him, in fact, he was inexplicably drawn to all the soft parts of being human even if initially he was afraid to get it wrong. The last thing he’d ever want to do is hurt anyone close to him and for that reason he was acutely aware of the raw strength he possessed.
Though his conscious effort to be gentle made all the difference.
Spring decided she’d had enough of being ignored, jumping up onto the piano bench and brushing up against you, pressing close and then curling down next to you. P turned around, the particular book of sheet music he was searching for held up in his hand, his expression dropped almost comically as he noticed Spring’s position next to you, taking up what was going to be his spot.
“Move her,” he says simply, you throw your head back with a hearty laugh but P’s serious expression doesn’t change.
“No,” you start with a laugh, “Spring got here first, you’ll have to pull up a chair.”
P continued to stand his ground, you wondered if he hoped his very presence would annoy Spring enough that she’d disappear of her own accord, but the cat only opened one eye. She regarded P from her curled up position before nestling her chin back down into her tail.
It was like Spring knew she was in his spot and was smugly showing off to him, purring loudly.
“P, I’m not moving the cat. Just come and sit on the other side of me.” You insisted, watching as his unappreciated love for the animal won out and he stalked off to get a chair. You chuckled under your breath and passed your fingers through Spring’s soft fur.
“You are so mean to him, you know? He’s quite fond of you and I think you two would be very good friends if you gave him the chance.” You whispered to the cat who ignored you, continuing to purr unabashedly.
Unbeknownst to you, P watched your interaction with the feline from the doorway, his chest feeling warm in a way he wasn’t quite used to yet. Touched by your words that you thought were falling on deaf ears.
He gave in to your fondness for the cat, pulling his chair up next to you, fingers gently flitting across the keys as you hummed softly, head resting comfortably on his shoulder. He decided he didn’t mind this so much.
Late in the evening, however, he decided he did mind.
You were curled up in your bed a book in hand and Spring dozing lazily in your lap, he entered the room and his shoulders physically dropped.
“What’s the matter?” You asked, thumb placed between the pages of your book as a makeshift bookmark.
“Nothing,” he mumbled, sitting down unceremoniously on the edge of your bed to take off his shoes.
You placed the now forgotten book on your bedside cabinet, the act of sitting up a little difficult with the cat in your lap. You reached for his shoulder but he shrugged off your hand, trying to hide the action by stripping off his coat.
He stood and draped the coat over the back of your desk chair and moved to unbutton his waistcoat, all while staring down Spring with a scowl.
It clicked.
“Are you jealous of the cat?” You wanted deeply to believe that your Pinocchio was not jealous of a cat, but you couldn’t come up with a more sound explanation.
“I don’t know what that word means.” He lied, avoiding your gaze entirely, unbuckling his belt and dumping it on the desk, Gemini didn’t say anything so you assumed he mustn’t be awake.
“Yes you do,” you rolled your eyes, “I remember very clearly the conversation we had about it.”
He didn’t respond, turning his back to you and focusing his attention on rifling through the dresser drawer full of his clothes. The sleep clothes he was looking for were folded at the end of the bed.
“It’s okay that you’re jealous of-”
“I am not jealous.” Quick, concise and with no room for argument, he spun back on you. His snapping didn’t phase you.
“Uh huh,” you teased with a smirk, turning all your attention back to Spring who’d been ignoring your exchange.
Perhaps what you were doing was a little mean, given that before you hadn’t been ignoring him on purpose, but it was too fun an opportunity to pass up. P let out a disgruntled huff, shuffling around in your peripheral.
“I guess you just don’t love me anymore.” He offered with his arms crossed over his chest, your jaw dropped and a shocked laugh fell out of your open mouth.
“You take that back, immediately!” You snapped playfully, sitting up fully and annoying the cat enough for her to get up and move.
“Make me.” The challenge he’d levied would mean conceding to his childish behaviour but after all he’d been through, you thought it only fair.
You pulled the sheets back and stood from the bed, crossing the room to him. He tried to act as though he was uninterested, tried to pretend that your hands on his chest didn’t affect him, tried to ignore the speed of his heart as it hammered under your palm.
Your hands travelled the beaten path they always did, from his chest to his collarbone, then hooking behind his neck. Trying to pull him down was useless, like trying to topple a brick wall with bare hands, but you caught him staring out of the corner of his eye.
“Look at me.” Your whisper was a command, and he had always been faithful to a fault. “I love you.”
He tried to hide the oncoming smile, dropping his chin to his chest, but you were quick to guide his gaze back to yours. There was no way you’d be missing that careful grin. His eyes were soft and gentle when they met your own, there was hesitance in them that you didn’t want to see, so you kissed him.
He melted against you, arms winding around your back and pulling you against his chest, you hummed and he couldn’t stop the full blown grin from forming on his lips; breaking away to look at you like a giddy school boy.
“Are you going to take it back?” You asked, brushing your nose against his in a bunny kiss.
“Will I still get to kiss you if I do?” He joked, you rolled your eyes albeit in good nature, hands cradling his cheeks as he continued to smile.
“I think that can be arranged,” you mused, leaning in to kiss him again, the two of you falling into familiar rhythm with one another.
Spring slinked out of the partially open door, tail held high, she had seen more than enough.
#I started writing this in October when I had barely scratched the surface of the game#Still have not finished it though lmao#Also sorry for all the @’s I just wanted everyone to be properly credited and what not if that’s annoying lemme know and I’ll make sure it’#Do I know anything about anything? No#Also P talks a lot in this one#Controversial I know :o#I’m kidding#I realised after writing all of this out that the game takes place over like 3 days#So just suspend reality for me if you would#I am no stranger to lengthening the timeline to fit my selfish needs I will do it again in fact#And you will not complain because I wrote the puppet boy kissing YOU 🫵🏻#pushing my bunny kisses agenda once again#Lies of P x Reader#Pinocchio x Reader#Lies of P#Don’t ask me where the puppet is on the humanity scale because I do not know#jan 2024#Pretty Boy series#🦋 let your conscience be your guide
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