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kristofffaust · 3 years ago

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The Growth of Nihilism in the Contemporary United States: a brief essay on a somewhat optimistic take on nihilist ideology.

Pictured: Existentialist anarchist Jean-Paul Sartre and his longtime domestic partner, existentialist feminist Simone de Beauvoir.

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“Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.” — Jean-Paul Sartre

“All oppression creates a state of war.” — Simone de Beauvoir

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Foreward: This is meant to be a polemic against commonly accepted post-modern takes on nihilism. I find the postmodern take on nihilism a somewhat cyclical and tedious affair, and, quite frankly, their professed monopoly on existentialism is nauseating. Question everything, even if it agrees with your accepted worldview, especially if it agrees with your accepted worldview.

This is an observation on why nihilism has seen such a rapid resurgence in the modern and what it could mean if used differently than the historical stereotypes beholden to it. Indeed, if nihilism is a form of reclaimed agency, then blindly following the pre-existing dogma that nihilism is inherently destructive is, in effect, surrendering your agency to an external ideal and, quite frankly, the most anti-existentialist thing one could do.

Conversely, this is not a profession that nihilism is an entirely benign and benevolent philosophy, but that viewing it as strictly one or the other is narrow-minded and lazy. I acknowledge, with tongue-in-cheek humor, that the average nihilist would deny the existence of either category.

I guess one could say this is an attempt to profess that absurdism and nihilism are two sides of the same coin and as reliant as they are antagonistic towards each other.

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Nihilism is a subcategory of existentialism and sister ideology to absurdism. Existentialism believes if nothing in life holds any intrinsic value, nothing in this reality matters outside of our subjective experience. As a result, our agency is our responsibility and nobody else’s. Pure nihilism, also known as cosmic nihilism, professes if nothing matters, any action we take in this life doesn’t matter in turn, so why bother. Absurdism, often attributed with existential nihilism, affirms that since nothing matters, nothing is telling us that we can’t enjoy life. This article will focus on cosmic nihilism as it stands with existential nihilism and how our current global and political climate has served as the perfect incubator for a resurgence of both. I argue that nihilism isn’t an inherent negative despite the reputation it carries. Unfortunately, I have to start with the negative as it is generally the negative which births nihilism in the first place.

Nihilism is a recurring and pervasive theme in the millennial generation. When the layers peel back, it’s easy to see how this happened. We were born on the mountain of Apocrypha with nowhere to turn. We manifested in the period between Boomer idealism and the total implosion of ‘traditional’ Amerikan ideology. Our elders taught us that the only thing we should want out of life is to get married, have children, go to college, and get a desk job. Life conditioned us to believe that our worth is directly tied to our income. We grew up thinking that we could do and achieve anything as long as we realized a dystopian dream of the perfect little citizen.

Fast forward now that we’re all in our 30’s. Only a handful of us is successful with families. Most of us divorced from our spouses at least once, if we make it to marriage at all. Most of us, who didn’t sell our souls to Uncle Sam, who had gotten college degrees are now up to our necks in debt which we will never be able to repay. Those who pursued labor jobs struggle to make ends meet because the average salary of the most commonplace millennial jobs is insufficient to live comfortably. Most of us realized we inherited the trauma of our parents and their parents and, as a result, are terrified of having children who will inherit our trauma in turn. Mental health is a privilege, even though those in the direst need of mental health come from underprivileged backgrounds. The list goes on. Indeed, there are positives of the millennial generation, but those exposed to the negative see little else. David Bowie and Jimi Hendrix give way to Cannibal Corpse, SlipKnoT, Dying Fetus, and a multitude of other extreme genres which were unheard of before the millennial generation.

Now, we can turn our analysis towards the ironic positives of nihilism. Nihilism serves as a powerful panacea to the torment of daily existence. When an individual recognizes that nothing in the universe matters and holds zero intrinsic value, suddenly, the suffering ceases to be consequential. The pain doesn’t matter. What are emotions but a complex chemical reaction engineered to elicit a specific response from our fleshy meat suits? Our mistakes don’t matter. In the infinite expanse of time, any mistakes we make in this life eventually disperse like so much dust in the wind. The only thing that truly matters is the cognizance of our current existence and the experience we glean from it at the moment. For instance, why do I write these essays which nobody bothers reading anyway? Well, why not. Whether I write them or don’t write them, in the end, holds no intrinsic value. Consequently, to write the essay is equally valid as abstaining from writing.

To be extant is the only accurate declaration we can make. Thus every stimulus we feel, every sight we take in, every smell we experience, if it’s all equally worthless, then by extension, it all holds equal value. Feel nothing if you so choose. That nothing still requires a something to stand in negation to it. Thus your exalted nothing in effect becomes something and back to nothing again [for a more exhaustive explanation of this principle, I recommend Hegel’s admittedly dense read ‘Science of Logic’].

Nihilism does not have to be destructive. I argue that reckless destruction underutilizes the power of nihilism. If we are all imprisoned in this unforgiving reality, why not make the experience less painful for each other. To induce pain upon others means that the individual has placed value in control and, by extension, ceases to be a nihilist. To completely erase the pain from existence is infinitely more nihilist in the act of devaluing something considered critical to life. Of course, the pain never ceases, but this shouldn’t bother the true nihilist. If the nihilist doesn’t matter, then why not devote your life towards devaluing that which attempts to rob agency from others? It can be a lonely and thankless road, which makes it just as good as any road. Nihilism is an expression of existentialism which is the exaltation that the only objective truth that manifests is your subjective reality. If we should destroy, we should destroy the authoritarian act of robbing another of their agency.

Or maybe it doesn’t matter in the end, and the nihilist can exist in their bubble and waste away. Such is your choice in the end.

“Will you perish like a dog, or will you fight?”

Ave Satanas

#absurdism #existentialism #nihilism #satanism #existential thoughts #anarchism #anarchy #jean paul sartre #simone de beauvoir

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daily-zuko · 5 years ago

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Hi,I heard there are some Avatar The Last Airbender fans bashed Katara for being hostile towards Zuko when she has a valid reason to do so given what he did in Crossroads of destiny,do you validate Katara’s grudge and animosity towards Zuko?

Hello, Daily-Zuko here!

Though I’m not sure what answer you’re looking for, I suppose I’ll do my best to respond in a nonjudgmental manner. You’ll have to forgive me – as a Zuko blog, my focus in this breakdown skews towards him, though I have tried to give sufficient attention to Katara as well. As this turned rather lengthy, the majority of the content lies under the cut. Thank you for the question.

I think my favorite part about Avatar: The Last Airbender is its nuance in exploring complicated character dynamics. There is no black & white morality; each character’s feelings are treated with as much delicacy and respect as they deserve. Every individual’s story is weaved together seamlessly to create a greater whole, and Katara and Zuko are no exception. Their character arcs run parallel in many ways during the show, finally colliding in the Season 2 finale. They have both struggled with grudges, rage, and resentment holding them back throughout the course of the series, and this culminates in the climactic turning point in The Crossroads of Destiny.

Katara, after carrying the pain of losing her mother for so long, seemingly finds a kindred spirit in Zuko, and let’s go of her anger to extend a hand in trust. This is her attempting to move beyond her childhood trauma to start healing. Zuko’s rejection of her is a rejection of his own inner turmoil, but it unfortunately cements Katara’s toxic mindset of revenge. Regrettably, Zuko is not ready to accept a change of heart; this occurs just as he’s evaluating his own moral stance. This finale subjects both of them to their lowest point moving forward.

To answer your question, I believe that the actions they both take in The Crossroads of Destiny – and beyond – are valid.

At the point in the narrative where Zuko attempts to join Team Avatar, Katara’s potential growth has been stunted from their previously aborted connection. Zuko’s mental scars from his mother were not a central theme to his character development, unlike Katara, so he was able to complete his metamorphosis and advance. Though to all appearances they share the same childhood experiences, in terms of character, they do not share the same Ghost.

In the book Creating Character Arcs, by K.M. Weiland, the author outlines four distinct things to establish in order to successfully create a Positive Change Arc: a character’s Want, Need, Lie, and Ghost. Zuko’s want versus his need is rather obvious. The lie he believes is that his worth is tied to his father and his title. By capturing the Avatar, he will return home and become intrinsically complete. The ghost, in this instance, does not refer to any literal ghost; rather, the ghost is the incidental wound within a character’s past that causes the character to believe in the lie in the first place; in other words, the Agni Kai.

In contrast, Katara’s ghost is literal – the death of her mother. It haunts her and prevents her from understanding her truth: that continuing the cycle of war will not remedy her grief. This creates an opposing force for their conflict in The Crossroads of Destiny, as while Katara has yet to confront her own lie, she is presenting Zuko with his truth, and rushing him into the next phase of his archetypal growth.

Zuko’s choice in this scene is necessary. His reaction to Katara’s unexpected offer of reconciliation is instinctive – primal. Though he has come to the point where he can question his way in life, he is not yet ready to have this outlook thrust upon him in this split second decision. He cannot confront his lie. Therefore, he rejects the truth, relapsing based on what all previous experiences tell him is correct. Only once he fulfills his want in succeeding does he realize that it is not what he wanted in the first place.

Additionally, Katara is somewhat of an unfortunate bystander in Zuko’s next step on “The Hero’s Journey.” The Positive Change Arc quite commonly coincides with the much earlier interpretation of character development defined by Joseph Campbell in The Hero With a Thousand Faces. Though this path is generally a commentary on the main character’s quest, this is only because other characters are not usually as fleshed out. Zuko, as the deuteragonist, is an exception. In this stage, referred to as “Challenges and Temptations”, “Road of Trials”, “The Descent to the Abyss,” etc, Zuko needs to fall to the absolute bottom in order to die and be born anew, and he drags Katara with him.

In this vein, Katara’s obsession with rage and revenge simmers within her, and is not addressed in detail until The Southern Raiders. It is something that was magnified by the perceived betrayal of someone she had faith in, but it was an underlying issue that colored several actions she took. This was, of course, exacerbated by the duplicity demonstrated by others throughout the series.

During their stay at the Western Air Temple, Zuko doing all he can to show Katara his changed self even though she continually rebukes him is his only meaningful way to absolve and prove himself to her in spite of his previous violation of her trust. His acceptance into the party does not erase his past mistakes. Katara needed to shun him just as Zuko needed to show her, with his actions, that she is allowed to forgive and finally complete her own journey. It is a fragile balancing act the writers have coined in order to give these two the catharsis they deserve, and it is executed flawlessly.

tl;dr: Yes, Katara is valid, so is Zuko, this show is more complicated than that and implying that one character (on either side) is in the wrong somehow for their feelings does a disservice to the show’s excellent writing.

Additional youtube content from people who articulate much better than I do:

The Importance of Mistakes, by Make Stuff

A four-part show analysis, from The Weight of Cinema

The Cycle of War, by Hello Future Me

And finally, thank you to my lovely beta @tmariea for constantly helping me put my thoughts in order.

#asks #daily-zuko #not art #meta #atla #fantasticanimefan

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thecrenellations · 6 years ago

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I read Thick as Thieves for the first time two years ago, primed by years of rereads and fandom to cheer with my whole heart whenever a character said “So, so, so,” so I was a little overwhelmed when the phrase turned up again and again in Costis and Kamet’s conversations. I thought it would be fun to take a look at every example of “So, so, so” in the series — who says it, to whom, and whether there are any conclusions we can draw from the data.

I hope you enjoy the graphs above, and my descriptions and analysis below. Please add on if you have any feedback or thoughts about this iconic phrase!

Examples of “So, so, so” (S^3)

The Thief (TT): 1. “So, so, so. Do I get my lunch back?” - Eugenides to the magus. Sophos is present, on a nearby horse.

The Queen of Attolia (QoA): N/A :0

The King of Attolia (KoA): 2. “So, so, so, at least my honor will be intact.” - Aristogiton to Costis, with Eugenides eavesdropping, about to join conversation 3. “So, so, so. Get the physician. Have him meet me in my rooms.” - Eugenides to Aristogiton and Costis 4. “So, so, so. I had hoped that your very obvious outrage at being dropped like a used glove would have protected you, but obviously it hasn’t.” - Eugenides to Costis

A Conspiracy of Kings (ACoK): 5. “So, so, so. We know who the power behind the throne is.” - Sophos to the magus, about chicken

Thick as Thieves (TaT): 6. “So, so, so. We’ll hope they’ll never see this at all.” - Costis to Kamet, leaving lion cave 7. “So, so, so.” - Kamet to Costis. Kamet refers to S^3 as “Attolian slang” 8. “So, so, so. Who would be so foolish?” - Kamet to Costis, about Ennikar being “in trouble with a maid” 9. “So, so, so.” - Costis to Kamet, answering Kamet’s question: “You can do this, tin a baking pan?” 10. “So, so, so.” - Costis to Kamet, acknowledging he gave Godekker all their money

Figure Descriptions

a) S^3 by Book: Out of 10 total examples, 50% are from TaT, 30% are from KoA, 10% are from ACoK, and 10% are from TT.

b) and c) Five characters say S^3 over the course of the series. Eugenides and Costis are tied as the characters who say it the most times, with 3 examples/30%, with Kamet coming in second place with 2 examples/20%, and Sophos and Aristogiton each saying it once/10% of the time.

d) Eugenides is the only one of these five who is in every book, so I divided each character’s total by how many books they appear in to find their average S^3 per book.

Costis: 3 S^3, 2 books - 1.5 Kamet: 2 S^3, 2 books - 1 Eugenides: 3 S^3, 5 books - 0.6 Sophos: 1 S^3, 2 books - 0.5 Aristogiton: 1 S^3, 2 books - 0.5 (Aris only appears for a moment in ACoK, but he does have a speaking role, so I’m counting it at a time he didn’t say “So, so, so,” but could have.)

e) S^3 is consistently a response to previous dialogue, so the other side of the interactions is the characters to whom the So-ers say it. Costis is most often the audience, with 5 examples (one of which is shared with Aris), Kamet is next with 3 the magus hears it twice, and Aristogiton hears it once (in example 3, shared with Costis). While Eugenides is present for example 2 and subsequently joins the conversation, he is not the intended audience.

f) Who is present for the most examples of S^3? This includes characters who said it and heard it, including both the specific audience of each S^3 and relevant characters who were present but not the direct audience, such as Eugenides in example 2 and Sophos in example 3. While Pol and Ambiades were also there for example 2, I thought it was relevant to include Sophos, as he says it later in ACoK.

Costis: 8 S^3, 80% Kamet: 5 S^3, 50% Eugenides: 4 S^3, 40% Aristogiton, the magus, Sophos: 2 S^3 and 20% each

g) If a character is in an interaction where someone is saying “So, so, so,” how likely are they the one to be saying it? Here, I divided their personal S^3 total ( c ), by the S^3 Interactions they were part of. My inclusion of Eugenides and Sophos is different than in (f); I count Eugenides as part of example 2 because he joins the conversation immediately after but do not count Sophos as part of example 1 because he is more of a passive observer who isn’t likely to interrupt the dynamic between Gen and the magus.

h) This chart shows a possible spread of the phrase across the population of characters included in this study, taking into account time, presence during S^3 examples, and character relationships. Dotted arrows are less certain than solid ones. More analysis in conclusion section.

i) This shows S^3 examples per book. A basic trend line projects that we can look forward to 5 in Return of the Thief!

Conclusions - In which I speculate about the in-text use and origin of S^3.

(Real linguists, please chime in!? Also, please chime in if you are familiar with this phrase outside of the series, either in other media or just in spoken English. I think of it as specific to these books and am treating it that way here, but I realized while writing these conclusions that it may not be like that!)

S^3 is an informal affirmative phrase, said in agreement, concession, or grudging acceptance of one’s circumstances. Eugenides, Aristogiton, and Costis seem to use it to position themselves or their next move in a range of stressful situations, and the self-deprecating Sophos jokingly does the same when he concedes how much he likes chicken.

Informality and intimacy: most S^3s signal a close relationship that is either established (Aristogiton and Costis, Sophos and the magus) or forming (Costis and Eugenides after the assassination attempt, Costis and Kamet after the Namreen attack/lion time). While the magus and Eugenides are not on each other’s good sides during example 1 in TT, Eugenides, who has almost perfect control of everything he says, is always finding ways to be informal, annoying, and what he and the magus consider uncultured. No one says it in a formal setting.

What would Eugenides do? Eugenides is the first to say it on the page, and, except Aristogiton, everyone else says it after they have become close to Gen. Sophos and Costis have both blatantly imitated him, so I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to assume that they picked it up from him, at least partially.

Coin(ing) Friendship: While Kamet did make friends with Eugenides before his S^3s in TaT, his and Costis’ growing comfort with each other seems to be what influences his examples of the phrase. It’s like an inside joke between them; after Kamet says it for the first time, Costis “[smiles] at the Attolian slang.”

We should probably read Kamet’s classification of S^3 as Attolian slang with the knowledge that he’s an unreliable narrator with a formerly-imperialist outsider’s view of Attolia, but Aristogiton’s (unGenfluenced) use of the phrase suggests that Kamet might be right. It might be in similar use in Sounis, as Gen says it while pretending to be Sounisian (Sounisian with Eddisian relatives), but he also spent significant time in Attolia even before TT, so he could have picked it up then. No one says it in QoA, a book split mostly between Eddis and the Attolian court (nobody comes to the Attolia court to make friends!), and we know that all three countries have distinct accents, so it could honestly be Attolian slang.

Besides giving us HALF of the series’ examples of S^3, Kamet and Costis also often say “so” by itself, in a way that could be replaced by “yes” or “indeed.” For example, their last scene:

It’s woven into their relationship in a way that we don’t see elsewhere in the series! When Kamet, who’s so attached to status and decorum, adopts this informal Attolian phrase as he and Costis connect over their stories, does it lead to Costis changing and increasing how much he says “so” and “so, so, so”? Does he say it to connect to home, and/or to his king? Either way, they have this subtle inside joke snowballing around a phrase that is (in some ways) intrinsic to the series, a phrase that accompanies Eugenides as he moves between countries and into new roles.

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Thank you for reading! I look forward to hearing any and all thoughts and critiques about whatever this has been, and I look forward to updating my graphs when Return of the Thief comes out next year.

- thecrenellations, 2019, with thanks to the Royal Library of Eddis, the University of Ferria, and Google Sheets

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Ok, one last thing? Knife dance! Attolia. “So, so.” Druic to the palace official. Supports use of “so” as “yes.” The MOST shocking twist of “Knife Dance.” ;)

#HERE IT IS #queen's thief #megan whalen turner #eugenides #so so so #it's still technically the day i meant to post this!#:)#mwt #something i #long post #oh NO the read more disappeared but it is now back!#see #I started this and quickly realized that if I was gonna do it I was GONNA DO IT #and I knew it would take awhile so I just didn’t for a year #and I realize that it’s kind of ridiculous so I at least hope it’s readable #looking forward to the 2-5 times somebody says it in rott!!!

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moonlitgleek · 6 years ago

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One of the metas I’ve always wanted to write but for a bad case of scattered thoughts is a further examination of what The North Remembers means and the possibility of it having a magical origin. I guess I’m doing it now.

I’ve touched upon the political meaning on The North Remembers before and how it’s connected to the legacy of the Starks in the North but I’ve become to wonder about the genesis of that statement, who coined it and how it became to be used so wide across the North that it became the only nationalist statement from an entire kingdom we hear in the books. We’ve heard declarations from separate Houses but this is the only one that encompasses an entire region, that belongs to an entire region rather than just one House. The North Remembers is a huge part of the collective conscience of the North that is so deep-rooted and revered that even Barbrey Dustin can not help but fling it at the Freys who are supposedly her allies. She might be working with them for now but she does not forget that they are Southron and not of hers. Alys Karstark uses it as an oath of friendship and good faith when she promises Jon Snow that “Karhold remembers” and promises aid to the Watch against the Others. The power within The North Remembers is absolute no matter how it’s being used. Whether a warning or a pledge, it does not get used lightly for it carries the power of thousands of years of history behind it.

But Northern history is so intrinsically tied to the Starks that you can’t separate the two. Northern history is Stark history, and Stark history is part and parcel of the fight against the Others that it’s not a reach to link The North Remembers to both the Starks and the Long Night. Indeed, several hereditaments amongst the Starks seem to be directly linked to the Long Night and the construction of the Wall, even if they were later appropriated by the political side of the narrative and used almost exclusively in a political frame. Winterfell has a distinct structure that was a curiosity because castles aren’t usually built like that but Winterfell was actually built as the second line of defense against the Others after the Wall and with a structure that makes it prime to defend against the Others while keeping the people inside alive and protecting them against the true enemy, the cold. The Stark words “Winter Is Coming” carries a double meaning - it’s a warning of the Northerners who’d come raiding south in the winter when things grew hard in the North, and it’s a warning of the return of the Others, of winter. “There must always be a Stark in Winterfell” - why? The current Starks don’t know. It’s just a deep-rooted conviction they were taught to honor that almost certainly would be traced back to the first war against the Others, but that has also inspired a conviction across the North that order, safety and justice in the North is tied to the presence of a Stark in Winterfell. The Starks are the Kings of Winter. Ultimately, it all stems from the magical side of the narrative.

And so, using the magical war as a frame - if Winterfell is a defense structure meant to fight the Others, Winter Is Coming is the warning, the Stark in Winterfell is the rallying point, that would make The North Remembers the oath, a vow to preserve the knowledge of the war and to show up for the fight. A vow to unite against the true enemy, and perhaps to a lesser extent to remember the position of the Stark of Winterfell as the spearhead. That works within our knowledge of the place the Starks hold in the North and the personal responsibility Winterfell took to protect and provide (”the wolves took us in and nourished us”). It goes back to Bran the Builder who built the Wall to protect, and Winterfell to both protect and provide. The Stark’s legacy in the North is tied to their people’s very survival and it has been the same ever since with generations of Stark learning that it’s an obligation to do so.

Now, it might sound incredibly ironic to some people to say that The North Remembers is a vow to preserve knowledge of the Others since the main problem in the series is that Westeros forgot about them so if the North did indeed pledge to retain the memory, then they’ve failed. Except that the North did comparatively retain much of what the other kingdoms forgot, even if it wasn’t complete and if they ultimately did forget that the Others did exist. But the memory never really faded. It remained as a residual ancestral memory of the true purpose of the Wall and why the Night’s Watch is important. That’s why it’s mainly the Northmen (plus some First Men families like the Royces whose house words also seem to carry the same pledge) that maintain that service in the Night’s Watch is an honorable and worthy purpose and who see the Wall as an intrinsic part of Northern identity. It’s the Northmen that still send provisions to the Wall as an ingrained commitment that is being passed down to every new generation. They respect the Night’s Watch - where the other kingdoms have come to see it as merely a penal colony to send the criminals, the unwanted and the disfranchised, the North has members of its own ruling house joining the order. The Starks have steadfastly held to Winterfell’s obligation to provide and protect. Northern children learn of the Others - in the form of legends and fanciful stories it may be but still, Northern children are told these stories about the Others and the Last Hero and the War for the Dawn which does preserve knowledge of the true enemy. It’s imperfect to say the least but it’s there, preserved in the collective consciousness of the North.

It’s really not for nothing that Alys Karstark specifically says “Karhold remembers” when promising aid to the Watch. It’s a vow that reflects thousands of years of the North carrying a similar vow.

#asoiaf #asoiaf meta #the north remembers #house stark #the elusive history of house stark #asoiaf speculation #asoiaf theories #this is why I steadfastly oppose the idea that anyone but a Stark will hold Winterfell during the War For the Dawn #the very history of the region is against it #sorry Stannis but it HAS to be a Stark

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ofaphrvdite · 5 years ago

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silence ! raise the royal standard, for the prince of russia and king consort of england, MAKSIM ROMANOV, has arrived. being 27 years old, he is out of line to the throne. many around the court call him the mutineer, by virtue of him being dexterous and maverick, while also being recalcitrant and brazen. — played by brenton thwaites.

- THE BASICS.

full name: maksim alexei romanov name meaning: maksim ‘the greatest’, alexei ‘defender’ known in history as: king in the shadows, the white wolf date of birth: june 21st, 1639/1992 age: twenty six star sign: cancer profession: freelance photographer (modern verse) / prince of russia, king consort of england (royal verse) loyalty: russia, house romanov, england and house windsor, the entente alignment: chaotic good mbti: estp spoken languages: russian, english, advanced french, intermediate german (royal verse) / english, russian, basic spanish (modern verse) mother’s name: tsarina tatyana romanovna father’s name: tsar ivan romanov siblings, if any: anastasia romanovna-du bourbon, dmitri romanov, vasiliy romanov, karina romanovna height: 6’0” hair colour: brown eye colour: dark brown

- BACKSTORY / MODERN VERSE.

it was an odd thing being born as one half of a whole. coming into the world knowing you would always have another at your side through every new experience. maksim and dmitri romanov were two sides of the same coin from the day they first wailed their first cry. growing up, maksim was determined to stick by his brother’s side for everything. for a time it had only been the three of them. just anastasia, dmitri and him. they had forged a bond early in those days, sharing absolutely everything with eachother that would translate into their adulthood. maksim was patient with his siblings, understanding and above all else, never judged them.

growing up under the roof of the infamous media moguls, tatyana and ivan romanov, meant that maksim came with a brand that would follow him everywhere. one that only grew when the family began starring on their own reality tv show. everything he knew about himself, he discovered on the cameras. his whole personality shaped around the person he was expected to be for a show. he was less keen of the cameras than his siblings, but his appearances often provided the comic relief with his brother and he became a hit with the younger audience. the first time he’d seen something he’d said on a t-shirt had still been pretty wild though.

because of the huge spotlight on the family, the twins were sent off to boarding school for their education where there would hopefully be less scrutiny. most of the kids there had parents far too rich to bother about another one joining their rankings, afterall. and it proved to be one of the most helpful periods of his life. boarding school offered him the chance to decide who he wanted to be because trying to work out who you were with a camera shoved in your face was near impossible. though he never consciously made the decision, he had constructed a character in his years on the show, one that would meet the expectations of viewers watching. if anastasia was going to play the part of overbearing older sister, then he would play the lovable but dimwitted jock brother. and for years that’s who he styled himself as.

in truth, maksim was all that and more. yes he liked rebelling and making trouble, but he was happiest at home with a good book or at the local art gallery. whilst he loved any and all sports, his shelves were filled with comic books and limited edition collectibles. it was away from the rest of his family that he could finally grow into himself. realise the things he truly enjoyed to do, the things that he was good at that he didn’t have to share with his other four siblings.

boarding school proved to be destiny in more ways than one. as maksim was finding himself, it led him straight to the love of his life. victoria was at the local girls boarding school, and it took just one school dance for him to fall utterly head over heels for her. they dated all throughout school, never once tiring of the other. she was a grounding force for him, encouraging him to focus on what he wanted and go for it. and in turn he brought thrill to her life that she lacked with such rigid family expectations. they were a perfect match all things considered, and so it was to no ones surprise ( and karina’s absolute horror ) that maks proposed. the couple are now planning for their wedding, which promises to be a grand summer spectacle to all those lucky enough to earn an invite.

whilst he had everything he wanted in victoria, his future still remained a murky mess. every year, maks would go to his careers interview with his school adviser. and every year, he would shrug his shoulders when asked what it was he wanted to do with his life. he knew that his mother was desperate for him to go off to university as anastasia had, and that all hopes were on him because there was no way they’d be able to wrestle dmitri into another classroom once he was off scot-free. and so, despite the fact that he had exactly zero interest in it, when the time rolled around maksim applied to study history. at least it would get the careers adviser off his back, and college might be fun - right?

wrong. maksim managed to make it through a month of studying before he went home to go to a concert he’d planned with dima months ago. and then never went back. literally never. sayonara to all those shiny pots and pans his parents had gifted him, and the macbook that had one half finished assignment on it and not much else. and so he was back to square one.

rather than sit around at home moping for the camera, maksim took off for a year and went travelling. sure the family had been on some pretty decent holidays over the years, but he wanted to see more. he sent various postcards home from his time in thailand, indonesia and brazil. with everywhere in between. eventually he settled in australia for six months, taking up odd jobs where he could and collecting a group of like-minded friends. all people running away from adult responsibilities for that little bit longer. so while his girlfriend was earning herself a useful degree, maksim was surfing and bungee jumping his way through his inheritance.

it was during his time in australia that he discovered his love for photography. he’d always loved art, and shown bounds of creativity growing up. whenever he grew too anxious or was failing to concentrate, it was drawing that often centered him. just doodles at first, then panels of his favourite characters from comics. but it was travelling where he really began to utilise the natural eye he had. what began as photographs to share on his instagram, turned into scrapbooks that he would send to victoria to keep her as involved as possible in his life. it was a happy accident that people began to take notice really. the odd person began asking him to take photos of this and that, offering to pay for a headshot here and a small wedding there. nothing major, but enough that maks began to consider it as a real career option. with ana’s persistent encouragement and help, he set up his first photography instagram and took the first step into adulthood.

upon his return to the states, maksim got serious ( as serious as he was capable ) about his career as a freelance photographer. he set up his own website and bookings flooded in. most were either mocking him for his family’s name, or fans, but enough that he could really begin to make a living out of it. with most of his inheritance depleted, it made the whole going out on his own thing all that more tangible and exciting. plus, the freelancing gave him the opportunity to keep up with everything else he wanted to do in life. never making him feel too tied down with responsibility. he could work his jobs around whatever holiday or event he had planned. he didn’t need to hang up his thrill-seeking for good in exchange for the not-so-promised land of being a grown up.

maks is still a photographer, and in the midst of wedding planning. he still makes frequent appearances on the romanov reality show with his other siblings, all of whom he keeps in very close contact with. he splits his time between his parents house and the home he shares with victoria and his pet, danya. finally, he has found his place in life and it’s one that is always changing. and thank god for that, maksim couldn’t bear the thought of an average life.

- BACKSTORY / ROYAL VERSE.

no romanov was born lonely. this could be said twice true of maksim, who came into this world minutes after his twin and thus claiming his destiny as the spare heir between two tiny red fists. one so intrinsically linked to a life of forgotten mediocrity the child would likely never escape. and yet he never felt that left out growing up. yes it was odd that he didn’t have the famed bright romanov eyes of frozen blue and green ( his did not shine, just two hazel pools ) but he had his father’s look about him. that unkempt charm that had warmed the russian people to him in the first place. still, the children at court teased him when the tsarina was not around, jesting that he was no true born romanov like his siblings, but tatyana set them straight with an icy glare. assuring her son that it was not a look he need possess; he was a romanov because of the blood in his veins, the love his family bore him and the loyalty they gave him.

still. the dreaded sword of the middle child hung over him the elder he grew. all around him, his siblings seemed destined for greatness. dmitri, the future tsar of russia, who would remain at home in russia as they all craved. anastasia, who would one day be queen consort to one of the greatest nations and alliances their mother could possibly bring about. vasiliy, a third son, was near ten times smarter than he would ever be and would prove an asset to any crown he advised, he was sure of it. and karina, the baby of the family and yet already so sure of her own mind, and so doted on as the youngest. maksim adored each and every one of them, and was proud to be brother to their eminence. he was a good man at heart, and cared for his family deeply as was the romanov way, taking up the mediator hand in hand with vasiliy to quell the chaos of their family. for though he was gifted with a boisterous disposition, he was far more level-headed than the elder two and often brought logic to otherwise ridiculous fights. but he lacked a purpose of his own. though he was quite the charmer, always flirting with ladies at court and wreaking innocent havoc with his elder siblings, there was no talent of his own to focus on. maksim was intelligent in his quiet way, a strategic mind just waiting to be sharpened if only someone offered him the chance. if someone would just look to him, just once.

the tsarina and tsar grew anxious for their lost boy. their other children all seemed so certain of their path, of their skills and talents, and maksim stood in the middle of it all with nothing of his own to claim. it was his mother ( she had always lavished affection on her third, never wanting him to feel lesser with two elder siblings already lining up for a crown ) that had guided him to a purpose. urging ivan romanov to encourage battle strategy and warfare in maksim, to forge him into a warrior and hero. at fourteen, his lessons began and maksim took to them like a duck to water. wielding sword and shield as if he had been born for knighthood, not life as a prince. though he still has moments of doubt about how useful he is to his family, at least now he had a skill to prove himself.

and he needn’t have waited long for a chance. war had raged throughout europe for long enough, and he had remained unaffected for far too long. when armies were called, both he and dmitri at just eighteen were sent with the imperial army into war as generals. and maksim would be given his first taste of war and combat outside of a tournament or training. and it was glorious. until it wasn’t.

the rush of the fight didn’t linger long, and months away from home soon sapped all that naive boyhood from his features. the brothers saw eachother through their first kill, steadying their twin soul until they could stand again at their side. maksim proved able of compartmentalising the worst of it all to deal with at a time where the horrors could rip him apart in the safety of his own home. for so long he had lived without responsibility, always the spare and never the heir, and yet it was war that forced him to step up. to care for his brother in the way he had always looked after him. years of loyalty, repaid at the worst time. still, the brothers managed to find glimpses of light, including rescuing two stray puppies that they hoped might keep the darkness at bay at night. they named the terriers danya and nadya, and vowed to keep them safe until they could return home.

the terrors of war left scars unseen on the young prince, despite returning home relatively unscathed. it was the brutal separation from his twin brother that had left the greatest trauma behind. they had been together all their lives, and together when they’d been parted - both with the matching scars as painful reminder. maksim had been knocked unconscious and awoke to the sharp realisation that his brother had been taken. when he eventually found his way back to camp, all the men turned to stare as if they’d seen a ghost, not a bloodied prince returning from battle. the romanov twins had been missing and presumed dead for days, and yet it had been the most useless one that straggled back. it didn’t take long for the tsarina to call maksim home, grieving the loss of her eldest and too fearful to lose another. maks returned to the winter palace with the two bundles of danya and nadya, the sole link he had to dima, and a promise to keep them safe in his absence. he was hailed a hero upon his homecoming for the strength he had shown in war, the sacrifices he’d made. but the medal pinned to his jacket had brought more nausea than it did pride. what good was dressed up metal when his brother hadn’t returned with him?

the months following passed in a blur. dealing with stately visits as the new elder in the family, with anastasia long since whisked away to france, in between the moments of solitude he sought where he would paint to ease the terrible things he’d seen or play with karina who so often clung to him in those first few days. even sneaking into vasiliy’s imposed quarantine when he could to keep his brother’s spirits high proved a much welcome distraction. it was only as the war came to a head, and foreign rulers from all over began to take note of the damage they had sustained, that things began to change.

a summit had been called at bern, and all foreign rulers were invited to attend in the name of peace. not only was this an opportunity for the tsarina to aid in ending the war and to reunite the family with their long lost russian princess, but to further her already fruitful alliances. karina was still unwed, as was vasiliy, and so both came with maksim to the summit in hopes of securing other strongholds in europe. maks, of course had long since been taken. from a young age, a betrothal with the princess of england, victoria, had been arranged for the young prince. they had met once upon a time as children, but had not taken to eachother as their parents had hoped. but the young couple were reunited at bern, their countries now on opposing sides of a war that their marriage could be useful in ending. maksim had been determined to dislike her, and so of course he had fallen for the fair victoria the moment he had laid his eyes on her.

it didn’t take long for love to grow between the two royals. maksim especially grew taken with her strong will, sharp mind and seemingly unreachable beauty. it was shaping up to be quite the fairytale, until the succession of england’s throne had been thrown into chaos with the queen’s deepest secret now uncovered. the future king charles, was of no royal blood at all, but a bastard born from an affair of the queen’s who swiftly lost her head for it. it was victoria who was now the heir, and that left maksim once again out of use, left out in the cold. england sought a better alliance now that victoria was now crown princess. though eventually things were settled, maksim proving he could be a worthy consort, this period of time left him feeling more insecure than ever of his true worth.

with the matters of succession sorted, maksim grew unsure about his future responsibilities. he had never really wanted a crown, only dreaming of the russian throne if it meant he could remain with his family forever. he doesn’t believe himself worthy of it in any way, certainly not good enough to stand at victoria’s side as her consort. he was a warrior at his core, an honourable one, but that made it no less true that his mind was not made for negotiating at high tables. maks doesn’t want to be any kind of king, but he wants to be with victoria. it is that undying need to make her happy and keep her safe, to do anything she asks of him, that has kept him by her side. even if it means making himself a reluctant ruler. this was only solidified by the attempt on her life during the pirates invasion of bern, an assassination attempt on the newly named heir to the throne. almost losing her was all the confirmation he needed that he would never leave her side. and a good thing too, for the time between their marriage and coronation was shorter than they could ever have prepared for. during the final days of the summit, the now infamous explosions struck bern, leaving multiple casualties in its wake. one of which had been the king of england, making victoria the overnight queen.

life was turned upside down once again with his arrival to versailles as the newly crowned consort of england. dmitri had resurfaced after years of them living with the belief that he was long dead. the romanov’s had come to terms with their loss, just barely piecing back together a heart that would always be missing a jagged piece. now maksim must struggle with the old and new parts of himself to reconcile with a man who wears his dima’s face but is not the brother he once knew. all whilst struggling with responsibilities he never asked for, and a wife who has lost more than she could ever deserve.

#! * INTRODUCTIONS.#! * INTRODUCTION / maksim.#is this your brother????#ALSO if anything is too god-moddy yell at me and i'll change it duh #but there was so many other characters to mention in this that i probably fucked something up #like there's a 50% chance i did #maybe 70%

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snowstories · 6 years ago

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don’t reblog this maybe but this intracommunity aro/aspec discourse has really highlighted how my experiences with being aroace differ from the majority of the aroace community and it makes me. uncomfy.

(I was gonna do the following section in the tags but it got too long so. enjoy the rambly post I guess.)

It’s so weird too??? In almost all ways, I’m the most stereotypical aroace to have ever aroaced; I’m sex- and romance repulsed, I do not want either sexual or romantic relationships, I want a qpr (I realize that wanting a qpr is not the norm outside of aro communities, but this assumption does kind of tend to exist within aro communities, although from what I’ve seen that has certainly died down), I found out I was ace in my late teens and figured out I was aro a year or two after that, I do not nor have I ever experienced any type of romantic or sexual attraction (aka I’m not gray-ace or gray-aro), I’m not an oriented aroace, etc.

Unlike with my trans/nb identity I tend to actually relate to the wider aroace community; it’s by far the easiest queer identity I have because I generally fall within the parameters of what’s ‘expected’ of an aroace 99% of the time. There’s really only two major exceptions:

I do not find it difficult to distinguish between my aromanticism and my asexuality. They are not the same for me. I see my asexuality and aromanticism as two separate identities that just so happen to coincide.

I consider my aromanticism to be a LOT more important than my asexuality. Really I’m more aro(ace) than aroace if you get what I mean.

And BOY are those differences highlighted by the recent discourse.

Like, I know that to aroaces who already feel alienated by the aroace community this must seem eye-roll-worthy, and I acknowledge how lucky I am that I (mostly) managed to feel safe and comfortable in the aroace community (albeit it more on the aro side of things than on the ace side), but like??? I’m really unused to feeling so alienated from the aroace community and it’s uhhhh unfun.

But honestly in this discourse? I just cannot at all relate to or get behind the aroace community’s approach to it. I don’t feel threatened by the idea that we might have a complete separation from the ace community. As a matter of fact, that’s what I want. If it were up to me and I didn’t have to take the feelings of anyone else into account, I’d want a complete separation between the ace and aro communities. I’d want to maintain strong ties between the communities, obviously, but I’m so fucking tired of being grouped together with the ace community. I want the aro community to be able to stand on its own as the ace community’s equal, not their younger sibling who still needs guidance. I want us to be our own thing without relying on the ace community at all. I want a complete separation of asexuality and aromanticism.

I acknowledge, however, that this is likely not practical. There are too many aroaces tying us together, and we share too much history. It would be unfair to aroaces who cannot separate their aromanticism and asexuality and/or just don’t want to choose like that to just implement a complete schism without regard for consequences. I acknowledge that. I still want it.

It’s not that I hate the ace community. I really don’t. I honestly don’t feel as bitter towards it as a lot of the aro community seems to. I really think that the ace community is one of the most welcoming communities I’ve ever been in; they helped me understand my asexuality in a way that lifted me up and made me secure in it, and I’m really thankful to them for helping me through that vulnerable time. I think that it’s amazing what the ace community has managed to achieve in such little time; barely a decade ago, we were nothing, and now, we are steadily on our way to becoming a widely recognized sexuality, with well-organized groups and clear objectives. It’s seriously impressive.

At the same time, however, they royally screwed up my aro education, to the point where even though I was very, VERY clearly aromantic I was extremely hesitant to adopt the label, and it wasn’t until I actually managed to get involved in the aro community via a mutual that I actually started embracing it; in fact, before I talked to that mutual, I was really only peripherally aware of the existence of an aro community. I did not understand what a qpr was. I did not understand how the aromanticism was a spectrum, or know any aro identities outside of aro, gray-aro, and demiro (it was thanks to another mutual that I got off my initial high horse about greyro identities and actually started researching them with an open mind, by the way. I’m still definitely not perfect and consider them to be my largest blind spot in the aro community, but at least I’m trying to learn). I was not aware of any aspects of aro culture, or at least they didn’t register (white ring, arrows, etc. etc). And those were really just minor things.

The big kicker for me is that, honestly, my experience with the way the ace community treated aromanticism was. kinda different from what most aros seem to have experienced. Maybe it’s the people I interacted with, the blogs I followed, idk, but whatever it is, I got the impression that my aromantic traits were part of my asexuality. I never really felt like the ace community was pushing the ‘aces can love!’ message too hard; instead, I got the opposite. I got posts joking about how aces don’t get crushes. About how aces are annoyed with romantic subplots. I got essays written where the author stated that they don’t feel romantic attraction because they are asexual. I got posts about how characters who said “I don’t understand/want romance” are ace. I got ace activists who talked about being aroace without ever mentioning the ‘aro’ part, or who mentioned it in passing at best, and who often still positioned themselves as authorities on aromanticism despite that. All the time that I’ve spent in the ace community, and I consistently saw asexuality conflated with aromanticism. I still see it every time I go into the ace community. It’s why I’m not active in it anymore.

As a result, I did not understand the impact that my aromanticism had my life, or even that I was aromantic at all; I got the impression that all my aro traits could be ascribed to my asexuality. As a result, I spent a long time identifying as a non-SAM-using ace, then as an aroace who strongly favored their asexuality, and then an aroace who didn’t think their aromanticism could be separated from their asexuality. But, as I have stated earlier in this essay, I can separate them. Very easily, even. I just didn’t have the proper tools yet to identify my aromanticism. This was also the reason why I thought my asexuality was more important; I didn’t have the proper tools to recognize my aromanticism, and with that, the effect it had on my daily life.

(Disclaimer: I’m obviously not saying that all aroaces who consider their aromanticism to be part of their asexuality, or who can’t distinguish between them, or who favor their asexuality are going to have the same experience that I did. Plenty of aroaces won’t. I’m just talking about a personal experience.)

The ace community screwed up my aro education by failing to recognize that aromanticism is not a facet of asexuality. While the ace community loves to remind everyone that aces can still feel romantic attraction, they are blindsided to the fact that aros can still feel sexual attraction. That aromanticism is not inherently tied to asexuality, and that the experiences of aroaces who cannot seperate their aromanticism and their asexuality aren’t universal in the aro community by any means.

I can forgive the ace community for not educating me on things coined by or primarily used by aros, such as qpr’s, aro culture elements, and greyro identities. They are not required to keep up with every step that our community takes. I cannot forgive them for failing to provide me with basic information on aromanticism other than the acknowledgement that it existed, for consistently conflating aromanticism and asexuality, for failing to give me the proper resources to figure out my aro identity, when we are supposed to be ‘connected’ communities.

TL;DR: my aro education got severely fucked up by the assumption that all aros are asexual, and if it hadn’t been for a complete fluke of striking up a conversation with someone who happened to be involved in the aro community, I might have never been able to properly appreciate or recognize my aromanticism.

You can see how these experiences kind of overlap with those of allo aros. Obviously, they’re not the same, like at all, but the fact of the matter is that I can relate to the bitterness that allo aros feel towards the ace community. Often a lot more than I can relate to aroaces’ feelings towards the ace community, be they negative or positive.

And because of those experiences, you can see why I’m distrustful of letting the ace community stay intrinsically connected to the aro community. They are larger, and therefore have a louder voice and more reach; if we, as aros, don’t grow on our own, outside of the ace community’s shadow, I’m genuinely unsure of whether we’ll ever be able to reach our full potential. Because as it stands, the majority of aros will need to go through the ace community first, and I think they’ve sufficiently proven to be wholly inadequate in providing aros resources to figure out their aromanticism. And frankly? I don’t want the ace community to be the primary educators on aromanticism. That’s a recipe for disaster no matter what. I want the aro community to be the go-to place for information on aromanticism, and that can only happen if we are as loud, as big as the ace community.

I don’t relate to a lot of aroaces’ torn feelings between the ace community and the aro community, because in my case, that choice was made a long time ago: it’s the aro community. It will always be the aro community. While I’m thankful towards the ace community for sheltering me when I was vulnerable, and while I will always stand with them if they need to fight against assholes or need to spread awareness, and while I’ll probably never really drop the ace label and will occasionally participate in ace-centric discussions, they are not my priority, because I was never theirs. There is no love lost between me and the ace community. My aromanticism is the part of me that is most prominent in day-to-day life, and it’s what I consider to be the most important because of that; the aro community is tiny still, struggling to gain recognition and find a direction, and it needs my support more than the ace community ever did.

Furthermore, in this discussion, I strongly believe that the aro community needs to prioritize the feelings of allo aros, and other non-asexual aros and aros who do not feel comfortable in the ace community for other reasons. While we aroaces are definitely important and should obviously have a say in the way the community is heading (I mean. Duh. We’re aro), I’m uncomfortable with aroaces taking charge of community conversations because I feel like that’s just a repeat of what’s been happening in the wider aspec community for a long, long time: ace people taking charge, leaving less-recognized aros in the dust. Obviously, a large part of that is due to my own personal experiences with aces talking over aros for the majority of my aro education, and I’m (perhaps irrationally) scared that the same thing is going to happen here. But a large part of it is also due to the fact that, as is, aroaces are the largest voice in the aro community; this is an undeniable fact. It would be easy, way too easy, for us to unknowingly drown out the voices of allo aros, when we should be amplifying them and giving them a place of honor. The ace community’s problems with aromanticism affect non-asexual aros the most and in unique ways, and I feel like they should be leading the discussion surrounding it no matter what, really.

But I feel kind of like a traitor to aroace people because of this. My needs for the aro community obviously don’t align with that of other aroaces; I’d be willing to let relationships with the ace community burn entirely if it meant securing a spot for the aro community, which would obviously fuck over aroaces who DO need the ace community and want to participate in it, and aroaces who just simply aren’t capable of separating their aromanticism from their asexuality. I just fundamentally cannot relate to those needs and the feelings that come along with it. I just can’t.

As a result, aside from reblogging some posts, I’ve been mostly quiet about my personal opinions on the topic. I do not feel like I’m the right person to be involved in this discourse; as an aroace, I have too much emotional baggage surrounding the ace community to advocate for their needs and I have been absent from the ace community for too long to have a good grasp on it anyway; and as an aromantic plain and simple, I do not feel like I should be leading this charge anyway because of my asexuality. While I find it bad to split the aro community in terms like that (I don’t believe that this discourse is a simple matter of aroaces vs. allo aros; it’s much more complicated than that, and I’ve seen aroaces and allo aros supporting each other, and of course there’s also non-SAM-aros and greyros/grayaces to consider in this discourse, which I haven’t really seen come up yet aside from a handful of posts), it really does often feel like this is the split around which the discourse is centered. And it sucks to not easily be able to identify with either ‘side’, and to lose the security I thought I had in the (aro-leaning side of the) aroace community.

This is probably the last I’m going to say on this intracommunity issue on my own; I’ll be reblogging posts and watching it go down, but I don’t feel like I’m in any way equipped to really have meaningful say in this discourse. I might change my mind later on, but as of now, this is where I stand: confused, mainly.

#my posts #personal #aro stuff #ace stuff

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the-nysh · 7 years ago

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Whats your opinon of kiri//baku and todo//deku?

!!!!! 👀 Oooh, *takes deep breath* so I’ve finally been askedthe big question. (Thank you for courteously using the /s to block the ship names out of the tags) Because I DO have opinionsabout them. I’ve mostly kept them to myself, but since I’ve been prompted, Iwill try to be as honest and thorough as I can. :’)

Disclaimer: If you high-key shipeither of the two, please proceed with caution!

To preface:

If it wasn’t already obvious from the content I reblog (and rave about in thetags), my decisive fav character of the series is Kacchan, and similarly, my otp of the series is with him and Deku(as bakudeku, aka bkdk for short – which is how it’scommonly called on twitter). So going in, that’s my given stance already.

But it wasn’t always this way! :O When I first started theseries I went in pretty cautious, wary, and undecided; I actually never plannedto fall so hard for either the character or the ship (and I rarely ship things tobegin with). That is, until Hori repeatedly bludgeoned me in the face and heartwith all the reoccurring and carefully consistent character development, to thepoint ch120 became the final, decisive nail in the coffin - the point of noreturn for me. :’3 So now, I’m fully invested in seeing how their story pulls through to the end, nomatter what it might become (it doesn’t even need to be shippy). With them thematically established as two sidesof the same coin – on opposite ends of the same spectrum of heroism – the twohalves of All Might who both win and rescue:I want to see how they push each other towards greatness and mature into a pairof the best heroes. It’s a long-term investment of hope and a case of slowburn positive development, in direct (and on purpose!) contrast to its rockyand strained foundations (they ARE immature and emotionally constipated teensafter all), but it’s all been carefully laid out through a steady path ofnarrative foreshadowing. Where the prospects at the end of that path – of mutualsupport, understanding, reconciliation, cooperation, teamwork, trust – arebeautiful and rewarding things that make their ongoing journey of growth worthit. So…for Hori to smash any original expectations I might have had, and makeme fall hard for something I never intended to happen, are examples of whatI consider GOOD writing.

After I realized this, I went and did my research. Which inmy case, is reading up on countless character/relationship meta and fanfics togauge how the fandom sees their potential too. So I am very aware of the multiple sides of existing arguments and the dramathat’s already happened in the fandom (from across both tumblr and twitter). Iknow the western fandom considerably favors kr/bk and td/dk (at least for now), BUT in the eastern fandom,it’s actually bkdk that’s more popular. Hmm, curious why that is?

One of the reasons is partly thanks to the widespread availabilityof fan mistranslations (FA group) that have greatly exaggerated certain characterizations(ie Kacchan), leading to fandom fearmongering and the perpetuation of stigmasagainst the canon development of certain relationships (ie bkdk), which in theoriginal text, were never nearly thatflanderized or as offensive in context to begin with. Include also, adifference in cultural expectations/values, and we get a prickly concoction ofmisunderstandings ready to brew. It’s a poor and unfortunate case of important subtleties/complexitiesgetting lost in translation, while the bad things are blown way out ofproportion, to the point the story’s original intent is sidelined, or worse, canonis deliberately obstructed by translators who already dislike seeing suchcontent (because it’s ‘not their ship’) – so they prevent and hurt othersfrom fully enjoying the progression of the series as the author intended. Peoplecan like what they like (that’s perfectly fine), but in all of my lurking, Ihave SEEN examples of these things (andworse) actively happen, and quite frankly, the spread of this blatant toxicityand compulsive collective ignorance sickens me. So, I choose not to getinvolved with it, and instead focus on the positive.

Because of my preference for meta and faithfulinterpretations of the text (making sure available translations are reliablefor analyzing, for instance), I’ve gathered enough information (andacknowledged enough counterarguments) to make an educated decision for myself onwhat I value most and want to see from the series. Unless Hori veers offotherwise, I’ll stick by that conclusion and enjoy following the series throughto fruition (regardless of what the rest of the opposing fandom might say).

For example, one of the first dedicated and respectful metawriters – back when only the FA scans were available, but who ALSO providedcorrections from the Japanese text where necessary, came to this conclusionabout Deku and Kacchan’s characterizations:

From ryokure:

“Deku is such a super special case that if a fanfichas him and Kacchan in it - no matter the parings - and they don’t have somecase of mutual obsession, I actually consider that OOC.”

Which, after everything I’ve seen of the characters, I can fully concur withthat statement.

MEANING, if the fandom portrays them off alone, together, or involvedin relationships with other characters and they lack this intrinsic magnetism that binds them together (for betteror worse) – if they can somehowfunction completely normal without being influenced by the presence of anotherand magically not even care about each other anymore, then my suspension of disbeliefbreaks. They’re too OOC. (Unless it’s a fic au where they never met or grew uptogether.) These two are TOO canonically wrapped up in their mutual complexesto simply cut ties, wrap up all their unresolved issues with a band-aid,and essentially ignore a core issue of the series for the sake of ‘shipconvenience’ with others. Their canon relationship is too complex to make such simplifiedportrayals of them believable, or even such flimsy ‘solutions’ for their issuesfeasible. Thankfully, we have Hori actively doing all the hard work for us sowe don’t have to worry about such transgressions like that happening in canon. (InHori’s consistent characterizations we trust!)

Now then, with all of THISestablished, I can finally answer your main question: my opinion on kiri/bakuand todo/deku.

Let’s start with todo/deku:

Because believe it or not, when I was still new to the fandom and in my earlyresearch stages, I actually lowkey shipped them and read plenty of fics aboutthem too! I was open to them as a pair, but still undecided and wary because I didn’t know who to ship withDeku: either Todoroki or Bakugou. I saw all the widespread (western) fandomcontent for td/dk, with the apparent foundations for the ship based on eventsfrom the Sports Festival, where Deku ‘saves’ Todoroki and acts as the catalystto allow him to defrost his issues with his father and realize his true power.I thought, ‘ooh there’s something interesting in there worth looking forwardto; I’ll keep an eye on how canon develops their relationship from here.’

Unfortunately…canon didn’t give me anything else substantial to build on. Andin my case, those are foundations I NEED to be fully on board and convinced fora ship. It was the equivalent of fandom hyping me up for something to lookforward to, with me sitting there with a huge smile and my arms raised inanticipation…only for the rest of the manga to leave me dry. It was a hugedisappointment. Because except for a few scattered incidents, like from theStain arc and maybe the recent ‘it’s ok for heroes to cry sometimes too’moment, canon progress for their relationship has been severely underwhelmingand virtually nonexistent. Todoroki has chilled into becoming a supportive (yetstill socially awkward) friend for Deku yes, but even Iida has had more canon incidents of concern for Deku’s wellbeing,and challenges Deku into becoming a better person/hero with their interactions.(And yet, fandom support for Deku and Iida is virtually nonexistent incomparison, because their friendship resembles the camaraderie between bros, Iguess??)

So then I was like, ‘wait, am I missing something here? WHY does the fandomlove td/dk so much, when their canon interactions are so limited, and the onlybig thing that’s happened between them was all the way back in the SportsFestival??’ So, I went and investigated the potential of their relationshipfurther in fanfics (which are quite numerous and popular on a03 I might add).

After taking a look, I began to see trends. Most td/dk fics are heavily skewed in Todoroki’s favor, tothe point of being practically one-sided in character development. The mainconflict in almost all their ficnarratives revolves around solving Todoroki’s issues with his father and comingto terms with HIS powers, leaving Deku as a passive, supporting participant inhelping Todoroki out with his problems. Which, while the two of them could bondtogether over their missing/difficult father issues, after a while this same familyconflict gets old and stale. What else is there? What about Deku’s problems for equality’s sake?He’s the main protagonist! How abouthis difficulties in learning how to make One for All his own too? Ah nope, hecan’t canonically confide in Todorokiabout the secrets of his quirk, now can he. ;) Oh wait. What about his problems with Bakugou? Is the biggest elephant in the room going to be ignored for the sakeof typical couple melodrama, or is my fav character going to be demonized so that Todoroki, the ‘prince’on a white horse, can ‘save’ Deku, the ‘damsel’ in distress, from him?! No way. And THAT is another hugeproblem I have with the ship.

Because in all the fics I’ve read of them, I never once was convinced ofDeku’s feelings for Todoroki. I can understand Todoroki gaining a passing crushon Deku thanks to their fight in the Sports Festival. But Deku? How does heeven fall for him? Just becauseTodoroki is nice and considerate and listens to him? Like a friend? (Deku has Uraraka and Iida forthat too, what makes Todoroki any more special than them in Deku’s life?) Thisties in to my previously mentioned suspension of disbelief and ooc territorynow. Because Deku is not some haplessdamsel in distress ready to be swept off his feet and easily charmed by somepotential suitor; he’s a BAMF with a heroic spirt that’s even feared byBakugou. And these traits are so rarely utilized to their full potential intd/dk fics - Todoroki’s influence rarely even challenges or inspires Deku toBECOME the best he can be to draw out his latent potential. (Iida’s canonicallydone more in that regard thanTodoroki’s ever done.) Again, it feels too one-sided in Todoroki’s favor toimprove as a better person/hero.

Oh yeah, and since Deku became one of Todoroki’s first ‘true friends,’ forTodoroki to fall for him feels like putting too many eggs in one basket,without giving Todoroki the chance tobranch out and make normal/healthy relationships with OTHERS first beforesettling down. He’s a socially awkward kid emotionally repressed by domesticabuse; for him to latch onto Deku, the ‘first’ person he’s finally (andliterally) warmed up to, feels like the budding symptoms of unhealthy copingmechanisms and compensating for Todoroki’s deeper emotional issues. Where it thenbecomes Deku’s ‘responsibility’ to care for the turnout of his wellbeing, whenNO - Deku’s got plenty of his OWN issues to become burdened with someone else’s on top of those. Plus in canon,Todoroki’s doing just fine and is perfectly capable of handling his personal problems onhis own without having to depend on Deku.

Again, it’s all touchy territory that feels like it sidelines the mainintent of the series itself – by branching off into the deep end of Todoroki’sangst at the expense of Deku’s, or worse: simply wrapping everything up with afluffy bow called ‘the power of love.’ Nuh-uh, not only is that immenselyidealistic and unrealistic, but it’s totally not the kind of content I signedup for when I started the series. I’m frankly not interested in delving into thoseoff-tangent topics in opposition to canon, where Deku’s problems are oftensidelined, his characterization compromised, and my fav character (Kacchan) eitherbecomes an exaggerated, antagonizing impediment to their ship or is simplytreated like he doesn’t even exist. (My patience and willing suspension of disbeliefonly go so far.)

In the end, Todoroki’s a supportingcharacter. In a tertiary tier after the protagonist (Deku) and the deuteragonist(Bakugou). Yet in td/dk fics he’s almost always turned into a main protagonistsomehow. I can understand his appeal and why he’s so popular in the fandom, yes(and I like him too!), but there’s a point where this exposure becomes TOO much,the limit to his available canon issues becomes saturated and repetitive, and itultimately becomes so tiring to keepcoming back and addressing the same topics in fanon when canon has alreadymarched on to focus on more pressing issues. I’m more interested in exploring those other things.

So nowadays, whenever I see td/dk content, I go ‘ayy that’s nice (or cute),’and keep on scrolling. It doesn’t bother me, but it doesn’t interest meanymore either. I probably won’t touch anymore fics of them together either;I’ve seen and had enough. I’m actually more receptive to seeing Todorokiinteract and develop friendships with other characters, like Inasa (the wind guy from the rival school)or even Momo for instance. Either of those ships I see around, I’m cool withtoo.

The final line: I don’t ship them (anymore), because canon swayed me over with the more pressing and compelling developments of bkdk.

NOW, it’s time to talk about kiri/baku:

To start, I actually LOVE Kirishima as a character. And I’ve alreadyestablished upfront that my fav character in the series is Kacchan. So whatgives? It turns out their ship has neverbeen on my radar.

Kirishima is a great character, but I’ve only ever seen him as a supportive bro. To EVERYONE in their class. Whichis precisely how Hori designed him: to be a compassionate/empathetic nice guywho bridges the gaps between the class with his vigorous enthusiasm and support(same role that Denki shares, by the way). And he fulfils this role splendidly.But he ALSO has his own insecurities and developing friendships with manyothers in the class – Denki, Mina, and Deku included. All of those people areimportant to him (and I’m cool with all their ships with him too). Kirishimadoes not solely revolve aroundBakugou.

It’s true that near the beginning of the series, Bakugou was an angry loner,Kirishima trailed after him on his own accord, and after seeing his version of‘manliness’, decided to stick by him and support him, because Kiri saw thepositives of his character that ‘no one’ else bothered to see. (NOT true; Dekuhas always seen and admired Kacchan’spositive traits since they were children.)And so what’s canonically established is a budding friendship where Kirishimafulfils his given role to bridge gaps (whenever Bakugou strays away from theclass), essentially working as a rubber band plot device, and as a secondperspective – aka a fresh lens, for the audience to view Bakugou’s positivequalities.

All of this I’m cool with. I actually enjoyseeing their canon interactions and the kind of fun, slapstick way they bounceoff each other. (I even like the concept of Dragon!Kiri too!) BUT, it’s whenfanon starts twisting their canon relationship into shippy territory, that’swhere things start getting…ugly, at least for me.

Remember, I’ve always only seen Kirishima as a supportive bro, and I MEAN that. They have the samered eyes. The same style of spikey hair. The same pumped up mannerisms whenthey get going. Too many similarities that rub me the wrong way when put in aromantic context. (The only difference is that one of them is the soft-hearted ‘niceguy,’ and the other is the outwardly prickly ‘asshole.’) To me, to ship them feels like the equivalentof taking the parallel ends of two polarized magnets: you can manually forcethem close together, but in the end, they cannot touch because the same ends ofmagnets naturally repel. Now, flip one of those magnets around (aka turn it intoDeku), and boom, the opposite ends attract with explosive force. And THAT ishow bkdk feels to me in comparison.

However, the kr/bk fandom doesn’t stop there. I know there exists plenty of fics about them, but I’ve never read any, and frankly, I never will, not even for curiosity’ssake. Because from the overabundance of otherfandom content, I already know what their ship dynamic is about. And it doesnot appeal to me at all.

Remember how I said Kacchan is my favorite. I do not appreciate when thefandom warps him into either a demonized or castrated caricature of himself –aka when they turn him into someone he most definitely is NOT, all for the sakeof a ship. Or worse: when they use Kiri’s relationship as a means of changingBakugou into a character they findmore appealing. NO. Even more worse: when they treat Kiri’s whole character as awalking plot device for ALL of Bakugou’s positive character development. Fuckno! Kirishima doesn’t deserve this dehumanizing treatment by the fans, andneither does my fav, getting subjected to this…betrayal to his whole character.

What am I talking about? When fans insist that Kiri is the ONLY personBakugou can be ‘nice’ to, outright forsaking or ignoring the canon developmentseither of them have with other characters – what about Denki, the rest of the‘Bakusquad’? Or Deku? Remember my dislike for ignoring the elephant in the room back in my spiel about td/dk?Well here, it’s infinitely times worse.

Because Kiri does not become aconvenient narrative replacement to ‘solve’ all of Bakugou’s problems or themeans to correct his bad behavior. It’s not even Kiri’s business orresponsibility to do so! (Same deal if Uraraka is shipped in Kiri’s place.) Hispresence doesn’t challenge Bakugou’s current conduct or world views to improvehimself as a better person, OR actively affect his drive to become the best hero.At most, Kiri endures the brunt of Bakugou’s outbursts when they happen(because he can harden with his quirk, he can ‘take’ it, and their banterbecomes ‘humorous’ and ‘harmless’…no, it absolutely does not) and amicably slides off any further implications with a ‘heyman, that’s not cool’, or excuses/accepts it with a ‘it’s fine because he’s justbeing himself.’ Now we have a situation where Kiri becomes a passive ‘butt-monkey’to Bakugou’s whims and actually enableshis unacceptable behavior to persist. And Bakugou somehow becomes fully invested in a single confidant who babies andpicks up after him (how the heck? no way would he allow himself to get ropedinto a relationship like that, if any at all. He’s strong and independent enoughto handle himself fine.). Even when it’s portrayed where Kiri is the ‘only’ oneBakugou’s nice to, they’d exist in a vacuum tunnel, sealed off from the influenceof others, and become a spiraling fester-hole of static development. None ofthese prospects are the ‘healthy’ long-term results that fandom seems to claimthey are. Tell me, if Bakugou was reallyan abusive character, would his behavior magically ‘fix’ itself simply thanksto Kiri’s passive influence or ‘the power of his understanding kindness and love’?The answer is a resounding and definite NO. The only person who can canonically stand up to Bakugou’s behavior (andnot brush it off), fundamentally challengehis world views and complexes, match him in equal and opposite intensity with themutual drive to be the best, and receivethe full extent of his turbulent feelings, is Deku.

This is what I’m referring to when I say fandom often ‘ignores the elephantin the room,’ because THIS (Deku and Kacchan’s relationship) is an established,ongoing and important core issue of the series itself, that many shippers wouldrather sideline for the priority, current gratification, and fluffy convenienceof an opposing ship. Aka, simply slap them together with the first nice friend theymeet (in both Todo and Baku’s cases, it’s the ‘too many eggs in one basket’problem again…), who will solve all their problems and work to ‘change’ theminto better people…somehow? No, that’s the case of unrealistic, wishful thinking bad writing andtaking the easy way out when something -the elephant in the room- is too challengingand complex to tackle head on. Thankfully, Hori IS tackling their story head onas purposely intended, so I don’t have to worry about canon jumping the sharkon the progress of their relationship.

So, instead of Kiri being shipped with Bakugou, I much prefer him as a supportingcharacter (a supportive bro!!) who helps ease Bakugou into social/emotionalsituations that he’d normally avoid (which is how Hori originally designedhim??? to bridge those gaps -aka Bakugou’s loner distance - in the class) I’veread plenty of bkdk fics where Kiri becomes the mvp BECAUSE of his natural abilityto do this! With him as a much-needed wingman, voice of empathetic reason, and trustedsecond opinion who Bakugou can confide in to help confront his chronicemotional constipation over Deku. Shipperscan claim that Kiri helps Baku come to terms and become receptive to ‘softer,’ affectionatefeelings when they’re together, when it’s actually the opposite: Kiri becomes astepping stone for Bakugou to learn how to ‘make friends’ with other people whenthey’re apart. ‘Other people’ meaning: Denki, the ‘squad’, Todoroki, the restof the class…and most importantly, Deku.Let my son -Kacchan- learn how to form healthy, genuine relationships withpeople again, so he can gain the necessary experience and maturity to reproach hislifelong treatment of Deku and decide to patch up their relationship on his own terms. This, I feel, is a much more satisfyingoutcome and effective use of Kiri’s character, both in his involvement withBakugou and for the long-run benefit of the series itself.

But instead of seeing it this way, much of the (western) fandom overexaggerates the importance of Kiri and Baku’s relationship, to the point it notonly overshadows the content of other ships, but obfuscates the actual translated GEN contentof canon itself. (WHY!?!) I’m not even going to touch the propensity, hypocrisy, and irony of their shippers to harassand bully others for their opposing shipping preferences (that’s a whole other can of worms). Overall,it’s gotten so bad and obnoxiously rampant that I’ve been forced to block the ship tag for my own sanity and enjoyment of theseries. The ONLY time it’s ever beenrequired for me to use the blacklist function here, and that’s saying something.

Therefore: I support their friendship as supportive bros, but kr/bk as a ship was never on myradar. I’ve never shipped it, and I will notbecome interested in their potential as a pair. I used to be ok with seeing fan content of them around…until thefandom essentially and unfortunately soured it into a notp for me. Welp!

And there we have it, my full opinion on both ships. I hope that satiatesanyone’s curiosity on the matter, as so far I’ve had plenty of personal reasonsto stay in my own lane and only show my avid support for bkdk. This I’ve confidently decided and I will continue todo so, for as long as I’m invested in the series.

For some further reading and similar informed opinions:

http://explodo-smash.tumblr.com/post/165154054112/not-to-pit-ships-against-one-another-but-i

http://explodo-smash.tumblr.com/post/163895267877/why-do-you-ship-bakugou-and-deku-if-its-abusive

http://tinyshinysylveon.tumblr.com/post/168731953134

https://punkbakugo.tumblr.com/post/170514358890/do-you-think-that-the-fandom-over-exaggerates

Also related: my opinions about Kac/chako. And Izu/Ocha.

Edit: now cross-posted on a03

#Anonymous #replies #bnha #bkdk #meta #shipping #rom it’s time to bring out our salt shakers because it’s PARTY TIME 8D #(whoever makes it thru the nearly 4000 words gets a cookie :'D)#honestly i never expected to get an ask about this but time makes it inevitable i suppose :')#therefore i put in both the time and honesty to speak for myself and other bkdk supporters #my opm followers are welcome to check this monster out too #just to see how much salt i’m packing and normally hold back #(this will not become a regular occurrence - unless i'm explicitly asked for more of my opinions on the matter)#anyway for those with similar solidarity: enjoy! :)

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gracevilliers · 7 years ago

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Blood of my blood, Part 2 || Grace & Yamina

Yamina woke up first, if only because she was attuned to this. As a human she always woke up when dawn broke; as a vampire she habitually woke at dusk. She opened her eyes to find the Huntress - the Huntress no more still cradled against her chest. The blonde creature looked pale, paler than usual when she'd been mortal. A pang of sorrow and grief shot through Yamina's tired frame as she stroked her fledgling. All the pain and grief she'd felt losing her other children now poured directly into this one. Her new child. And Yamina realized then as she touched the golden hair that Grace Villiers was not just her only child now, but she would be her last. No more progeny after this one. Yamina would dedicate the rest of her immortal life doting on Grace and Grace alone.

Yamina In one way it was still partly revenge. To give this ex-Hunter everything a vampire had to offer as her Sire. To treat her with the utmost attention and groom her to become a perfect specimen of vampirism. To make her Hunter family and everyone who knew Grace for her vampire-slaughtering skills and tracking abilities, feel grief and mourning. Because in their human eyes, Grace Villiers the proud Hunter, was now an abomination. A beast who needed to be put down. Nothing more than the monsters she took pride in killing. Now she was the one they had to kill. Yamina hoped it would shatter their miserable, wretched beating hearts.

There was a knock on the bedroom door and a skinny old man entered, pausing in shock at the damage in the bedroom, at Yamina out of her coffin and holding an Englishwoman. "Mistress, is everything alright?" the thrall asked, bowing and servile in his concern. Yamina nodded. "Yes boy," she replied, although the man was almost 65. "Did you bring food?" The old man nodded and dry-washed his hands, scampering back out and returning with three different people, all tied and blindfolded and scared. One was a young woman from the Far East; the other a teenaged boy; the third was a burly pale red-headed man. Yamina looked at them and the pointed one finger towards the adult man. "Him. Is he from one of the prison ships?" The thrall nodded proudly, knowing he'd chosen well when Yamina smiled. "Leave him and return the others. My child will be waking up soon."

It felt like awakening from a dream. Slow and groggy, the world coming into view around Grace with a dim greyness. Her body ached, though in her barely conscious state, she couldn't consciously understand the reasons for it just yet. Half from the battle, and half from her transition. She was heavy-eyed and heavy-souled, as if her body carried the weight of what had been done to her before her mind could piece it together. Grace awoke, limbs languid and stiff, but immediately taut and tense when she realized someone was holding her. How ironic that such gentle and loving hands should have done such violence to her. She struggled, pulling away and scrambling to her feet. The room stank, she realized, her enhanced, starving senses picking him out. Like human. "What the bloody hell did you do to me?" Grace spat, knowing the answer before the words had even left her lips.

Yamina rose gracefully and seemingly with a lack of effort (although it did take some effort). "I think you know, Grace," Yamina replied. She straightened her gown and went to pick up her coat, pulling it on as if to shield herself from the mortal environment around her. "You're weak, my dear, but I admire your strength nonetheless. Are you hungry?" Yamina was sure Grace was starving. As a fledgling, hunger was a sensation that usually overtook everything else, consumed a vampire until they learned to control those baser instincts. With a good Sire of course, someone who could teach them to temper those uncontrollable impulses. "Do you smell him? Not the stink of his skin, but the blood underneath. Can you hear his heart?" She motioned languidly to the burly man, who was trying to break out of his bonds. "Wot's that then? Just a couple of whores trying to scare me then? I'll give ye something to be scared of, girls," the man growled, neck flexing.

Grace had never felt so many sensations before. The very air around her seemed to be a living thing. She could hear every movement, every rustling piece of fabric on the wind outside, every voice from surrounding patrons of the nearby marketplace, the rustling of coin in someone's pocket, and yes, the heartbeat, so loud that it overtook almost everything else. Where were her weapons? She glanced around for them, but the vampire must have disposed of them before Grace had collapsed. "I... I'm going to be sick," she answered, her physical hunger, her desperation, her need for blood, all at war with everything she had ever been taught, with her own disgust. "I'll kill you for this."

"You may," Yamina replied with a sad smile as she watched Grace with calm for careful eyes. She couldn't help the smile turning a little piqued at Grace completely ignoring the human. No concern for the man just yet, not while she was fully consumed in her own throes of agony and dilemma. "Or you may learn to accept it. Only the weak-willed cannot handle this gift. Only the weak-willed throw this gift away, like an unthinking fool. I do not think you are foolish, my child." The blindfolded man was clearly agitated by being completely ignored despite his leers and threats and he managed to shift his blindfold up past one eye, to see the two women. "Ey girlie," he tried to cajole Grace. "Why don't you get of yer lil negress servant here and let's you and me have some real fun, ey?"

Grace was even more annoyed by the vampire's calm and careful tone, the way she addressed Grace so simply and plainly, not even rising to agitation. She could at least have fought with her, argued with her, instead of simply reasoning with her like a sensible human. For a sensible human she was not. "Shut up, shut up," she hissed, repeating the words, trying to ignore her pounding senses, the sickening desire in her to feed. "I'm neither weak nor a fool, but I won't be a monster, either!" The ugly man was addressing her with ugly words. Grace scoffed. The more he spoke, the harder it was for her to ignore the pounding of his heart, the warm red liquid that flowed through his body. Did he really think she was in the mood to be flirted with? "Shut. Up." She repeated, snarling almost in spite of herself, grabbing him by the throat and squeezing.

"No, you are not a monster. You are so much more than that," Yamina said, all low and honeyed words. She was hungry herself, but like all good mothers she wanted her child to eat first before she'd take a single sip. "I understand what it must be like, to be trained as a Hunter. Born into it, told over and over that your cause was right, and your enemy was wrong. No questions meant no faltering. You were righteous; after all, your elders taught you this. Why should you ever wonder if your actions were wrong?" Yamina crossed to the other side of the room, giving Grace a wide berth to explore her own overload of senses and emotions freely. "That is not true strength, my dear. That is zealotry hiding behind violence." Yamina raised her chin, eyes flaring in some contained excitement as Grace turned on the man finally and acknowledged his presence with a threat of her own. The man looked confused and surprised. "A criminal, scum no doubt." Yamina came closer, turned the man's head to look at her. The vampire's eyes turned golden, mesmerizing. "Tell me boy - what was your crime?" Compelled to answer, the man replied, "I - I killed me wife. And me little girl. The screamin'...the screamin'...I liked it." Yamina stared coldly at him and then at Grace. "And this is what you used to protect? From me?"

Grace squeezed her eyes closed. She knew it was dark, and yet it didn't feel dark to her, an enhanced nocturnal vision disorientating her. She felt like she could no longer tell night from day. She shook her head. The words falling from her sire's lips were the words of the devil, she told herself. "Liar," she hissed. "You feed and you kill and you want me to do the same." But she wanted it too. The warmth of his skin was too much for her to handle. Grace wet her lips with her tongue. Her fingertips buried in his skin made her all the more conscious of his flesh, his blood. "You're disgusting," she said, unsure whether she was talking to him, the vampire, or herself. Perhaps it was all three. He was a killer. So why shouldn't she just sink her teeth into him? The very thought itself was the only encouragement she needed, and she slammed him against one of the very walls she had been thrown against just hours before, sinking her teeth into him and devouring him.

Yamina had nothing to say as Grace refuted her, tried desperately to hold on to that morality of the Hunters. Their code and their scripture and their belief, it was strong. It was admirable, really, if Yamina hadn't just had her children slaughtered by them like cattle. The man's way to handle this would be to break Grace down and build her back up, but Yamina Moire had rejected man's methods a long time ago. It was what made her so strong in the Vampire Councils across the continent - yet at the same time, it had made her vulnerable to the other vampire's fears and jealousy. Like scrabbling rats, just as Hunters described them. Just because she believed in the old ways did not mean she would adhere to the methodologies of men. Grace was her baby - and compassion for her children was always Yamina's way. Even if she'd hated Grace as a human, she felt that intrinsic Progeny-Sire bond forming between them now. Now, as Grace slammed the human filth against the wall and sank her teeth into his neck. "One bite now," Yamina coaxed her. "Try to get one good bite, and the blood will flow." As Grace drank though, Yamina picked up the man's wrist and bit into it as well. For as much as she loved her newborn daughter, the elder vampire knew she couldn't stay weak while Grace grew strong. To make that mistake would spell her doom. She fully believed Grace would attack her next.

Grace felt a wave of relief wash over her new body as the blood flowed into her. Her brain was less foggy, her muscles less achy, her skin clearer. The smell was intoxicating. She drank and drank and drank, listening to the soothing sounds of her sire's encouragement and for a moment, not even able to be angry about it or disgusted by it. She simply drank until the blood flowed no more and the man fell dead to the ground, like the wife and daughter he had put there. Yamina had been drinking too. She looked almost proud. Something in Grace was happy about that, their instinsic fond forming in spite of Grace's prior feelings. The contradictions melded together. "....What do you do with the body?" Grace wondered out loud.

Yamina gave a languid flick of her hand. "I have thralls to take care of that, they're very useful. Humans who want to be in the presence of vampires, entranced by is, by our beauty...." She came closer, motioned to a standing mirror so Grace could see herself. She was always stately and beautiful but now as a vampire and just fed, she was practically glowing, a preturnatural beauty. "It's a low-level compelling that keeps them loyal, all of it agreed upon. Some people are made to serve. Others, to enjoy the fruits of their labour." It was a very old-fashioned concept, that only recently in history was being questioned in the name of civility. But Yamina was old-fashioned in her ways. "My dear I must say, you aren't just my progeny, but you're also a prodigy. I've never had a child so controlled, so self-disciplined." Yamina supposed it was all that Hunter training.

Grace furrowed her brow. Thralls. The thought left distaste in her mouth. Too bad that distaste was overpowered by blood. She'd never drank something so delicious in all her life. And she hated herself for it. She'd just killed someone. She'd killed a killer. Why was it so different now? She told herself she killed murderers every time she went hunting. "You call this control?" She scoffed, regarding the body on the floor and gesturing to it. "He's dead. If that's what passes for discipline to you, I'd hate to see chaos."

"You would hate to see the chaos. Don't be a prude, child. Somehow I don't buy it. You've seen far too much to pretend you don't understand chaos, haven't stared it down and refused to accept it. I see it now, in the way you feed." Because Yamina had seen worse, far worse. Fledglings that were little more than rabid animals, tearing into flesh and soaking themselves in blood. Yamina loved all her children yes of course; but the animalistic ones always disappointed her a little. Not Grace though. "Come out into the night with me, see what new joy this world has to offer you in the moonlight. Unless you're still intent on murdering me?"

"Don't call me 'child'," Grace hissed through gritted teeth still coated in the man's blood. The fangs felt as if they took up too much room in her mouth. She had to focus to retract them. "I've seen chaos. When your kind drink the streets dry and leave bodies ripped open in the gutter. I kill your kind to stop that from happening, not be part of it." And yet, as angry as she had been when she had first awoken, she couldn't claim to want to kill the other woman. Sire bond, or something else, Grace wasn't sure, but it was infuriating. "I want to go home." She had only just asked to not be called child, only to sound like one. "But that will never happen, thanks to you. If you think we're going to be friends..."

"Did you kill his kind too?" Yamina asked, motioning to the dead criminal. "Why stop with vampires? If you believe so strongly that you have justice and righteousness on your side, why not kill anyone who disturbs your idea of 'peace'? You have the ability. Pray tell my dear - what do you do with vampires bodies, once you've destroyed their immortal life? Don't be so sanctimonious," she spat, unable to stop herself from getting a little worked up about it. "Humans are just as terrible if not worse. Oh, you have your laws and courts - but who do those rules truly benefit? His wife and child? He was still alive, he still got to sruvive. Until you made use of him. And such a good use too, because you deserve to be fed by his blood. Because you'll survive, even if you murder me. I don't believe you will never kill yourself, even now. Stick to your morals if you prefer. Kill only those who you deem to be killed, in all your worthiness. But make no mistake, my child - you have always been a killer. A killer of both innocents and murderers alike. That has not changed."

"Because vampires aren't human. There's a difference. Humans get hanged. They don't hang vampires at the Old Bailey because they don't know they exist. That only leaves us." She still spoke about them like they were separate, as if she wasn't one of them now, as if she was still a hunter. Grace stared at her sire through eyes damp with a mix of anger, hurt and frustration. She should have killed her. She should have been better. But she had failed. This was the price she would pay. Whether she would have the courage to kill herself in the sunlight, Grace wasn't sure, but she knew she couldn't stay here. "I will never be your child," she said, pushing open the doors to the balcony and dropping from the first storey with newfound strength and agility, heading out into the night.

#chatzy #paras #with: yamina

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capblacksails · 7 years ago

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From the embers of the shadows in our pasts (a phoenix will rise)

Post-Canon. Silver-centered. John Silver is a lost man after having lost Madi. He goes to the only person he knows who understands his loss. And (un)surprisingly, here starts a journey full of love… (Includes also THE two scenes we’ve been robbed of in 4x10: James/John and Madi/John) (James/Thomas, James/John, John/Madi (past), Thomas&John)

V. (continued)

About a week later, James knocks on John's door. John calls out "A minute", and when he opens the door James realizes he was busy attending his leg (his trousers obviously just put on hastily; a towel, a mirror and a bucket by the bed).

"I'll come back later."

"No need; I was done anyway."

John turns and walks back towards the bed, clearly expecting James to follow in.

So James enters; and sits on the floor against the wall, facing John's bed. (The bucket is on the chair, close to the bed, and James doesn't mind.)

"Everything all right?"

John was about to put the bucket on the ground, realises it's not necessary anymore and sits back on his bed, his eyes back on James.

"I've had worse - it's nothing. What brings you here?"

James seems to hesitate.

"There's something I'd like to discuss."

John nods.

"Sure."

Again, there's a pause, and John waits.

"I thought about the cache."

John nods again.

Another pause, and James finally lets it out.

"That hut you found... Would it have been high enough for Billy?"

John is confused.

"Billy? I thought he was dead? You told-"

James sighs.

"Well, technically, he fell from the top of the mast. It's a hell of a fall. I presumed. But you know the sea didn't take him once before. He might have survived yet again."

John searches through his memories.

"Well, Rackham could easily stand. So yeah, maybe. I guess indeed it wouldn't have been necessary for a shorter man to build that high. A tall man. Probable. English soldier or Billy. Who knows?"

"Most chances either way are the cache is in England then. Billy wouldn't have stayed close to Nassau, in case he'd run into someone. And an English soldier would have probably wanted to go home."

John is now looking at him with intent: "Are you hinting at what I think you're hinting at?"

James's voice turns somewhat desperate.

"I realize it's not much. But it's something. I'm sure you could make it enough to Oglethorpe."

John needs a moment. He actually closes his eyes and takes a breath. When he opens them back, James somehow wishes he hadn't: John looks locked-down, sealed shut; his face a hardened mask James recognizes all too well.

"You want me to go chase a ghost. Fine. I'll give it my best shot."

Become Long John again; move heaven and earth until he'd find a way to get them too out of here - or die trying, because, right now, John honestly does not feel strong enough yet. And if he fails? James loses too. That's a responsability John doesn't want to shoulder; but a responsability he will have to - because James asks him to; and a responsability he will most probably find unknown strengths to fight from; so maybe there is a chance, after all. And he owes James, and Thomas, to take it.

John then turns his attention to the items on his bed, and James can't help but feel that it's like he's already preparing to leave, and James doesn't know if he should shout or cry. It's unnerving how, for all the times they do understand each other without even a word, there are still so many times when they completely misread the other...

James slides once forward on the floor, until he's literally at John's foot. He feels like making physical contact, but as every time when it is not absolutely necessary, he refrains. No matter how close they've become, James can still count on his fingers the numbers of times he has actually touched John. It is peculiar, because John is often tactile. But not with him. James is unsure whether it comes from something he himself radiates, or from something inside John that is still somehow prudent around him, or both - but it just is; and James respects the limit, no matter what. He hasn't even crossed that line when he had been granted John out of the dead...

So James has to plead with his voice: "Look at me?" - and wait until John's eyes cross his again.

"I - we - don't expect anything from you. I just want you to know that you have a way out of here, whenever, if ever, you might be willing to take it. But what you do with that knowledge is entirely up to you."

James feels like he is incapable of breathing until knowing that John believes that there is nothing but sincerity in his eyes.

"I would, you know. If you'd ask me to."

It's but a whisper, but John's face is open again - and it only tears at James's heart too. His voice sounds broken to his own hears as he answers.

"I know."

And that's why James knows he won't ever ask.

Silence falls. They do not notice it, lost as they are in each others souls for a while. Maybe that's when they communicate the best anyway - wordlessly.

There is an ache in James's heart with John's name on it.

James is the land to Thomas's sun. It needs it to be alive - without it, it's empty, infertile, dead. Thomas completes him. He is the brightness to his darkness, the faith to his doubts, the certainty to his fears. But they are no contraries. They are complementory: Thomas is his other part. A key and its lock. A puzzle made of two pieces. That chinese symbol James saw once in one of Thomas's books, back in London. The two halves of one heart; of one soul. United, they are a whole; and apart, after having found each other - they just feel lacking. Together, they are a world in balance. Peace. Light.

But James is the sea to John's moon. It doesn't need it to be alive - the winds and currents make it dance to. But whenever the moon pulls? The sea complies. John is part of him. They connect, instinctively - no matter their differences and their misunderstandings. The two sides of a coin. Never to watch in the same direction, never to see each other, even, maybe. But they cannot get lose of the other, since they oddly but definitely became one, intrinsically tied to each other. So where one goes, the other follows - there is never balance. Clash of storms and yanking tides. Darkness.

And James knows the darkness. So he had been ashamed, when he had realised how much he had been tempted though, at some point in his own blackest hours, as he had finally started seeing John besides Silver, to keep John in the shadows with him - John couldn't miss a light he didn't know; and at least, they both wouldn't be alone. But right then? John had met Madi; and afterwards? James would never have wished to take him away from her light. Losing it was a feeling he had hoped John would never have to learn. And when they both had thought her lost - those few days? James had had proof that he had been right about what Madi was to him. And it had gutted him to his core to have to witness his loss.

James knows Madi was John's sun. His everything. His Thomas. That's why he had written that letter to Madi - John was giving him Thomas back; so James owed John a chance at having Madi back too. And knowing he has indeed repaid that debt, James feels redeemed, somehow. He has done right. But James still owes John - he will ALWAYS owe John now. Because John has saved his life; over and over, numerous times (that it had been for his own interest in the beginning doesn't change that fact). Because John gave him Thomas back, no matter the cost. And because Thomas is still alive and well and here with him; while Madi is gone - so soon; too soon - and John is back in the dark, alone; this time for good, and knowing what he misses. And James knows that feeling too.

Also: Thomas is James's standfast; he lifts him up, supports him. Thomas is a rock. Solid. Strong. Ever present. And Thomas survives, no matter what, barely altered. He has been mistreated, he has been brought down, again and again - but he is still bright, good, and strong. James had been awed, when he had realized how himself Thomas still was, no matter how much he had been wronged. James is sure though Miranda wouldn't have been. She knew him longer; she knew him better. Thomas was her sun too; and her faith in him was astounding. Maybe that's what had given her the strength to do as he had asked - protect him. But James knows now too. Thomas doesn't need him. Yet he has chosen to need him, and to keep needing him - and honestly the wonder in this feels like a gift from above James never felt worthy of, but is nothing but grateful for anyway.

But John? John endures. He's always been but a patched-up gaping wound, still bleeding under the bandage. Madi had been the one holding the bandage tight enough, day by day, for the wound to start to heal shut. But now that she's gone - and has actually taken the whole bandage away with her? John just bleeds out. So: John needs him.

And James obliges. James wants to help. Because he had had help; and no matter how much he had resented it - how much he had resented her - at the time, James knows he would have been utterly lost without it - and would have never lived long enough to get his second chance either... And so, he'll be John's missing leg. He'll be John's Miranda. He'll be whatever John needs him to be...

They do not mention it ever again.

But the next chance at a private conversation with Thomas he has, John makes Thomas promise what he couldn't ask James to promise - because he felt James would have found a way not to promise him anything. But Thomas is to ask him; if the moment ever comes this place grows unbearable to any of them. And Thomas promises.

Backstory:

James's moon tattoo is prior he met the Hamiltons. His mother (long dead) used to tell him his freckles were like stars; and when he went Navy and learned to navigate with the night sky he felt his 'nocturnal sky' skin missed a moon so he added one. It's related to his love for his mother and his love for navigation, so it's forever VALID.

Anyway, that's why in London, James used to see himself as the moon - because his skin was nocturnal (stars freckles and moon tattoo) and because it was the missing poetic spot in their triangle, so it made sense somehow even if it wasn't 100% accurate (because you bet his moon and thomas sun shone together and not apart) - because Thomas was the sun and Miranda was both the earth that grounded them and the sky that held them up.

(Feel free now to join the club 'Forever crying over Miranda'…)

And on the 'practical' side, I think it's due time I share my 'view' of The Shame Farm - just so you can imagine how they live, in this fic.

I won't say it's right - do not get me wrong. But I just don't believe it is the worst of evils.

Because I expected the reunion to happen in a tiny dark room; and it was out on the open - and they kissed, in 1700's, under the bright sunlight; and no one cared - not only about the kissing, but also about the stopping working.

Because there is a limit to how much one can lie to oneself; and that Oglethorpe is just too believing that he is better than most to actually be in fact just the same or even worse.

Because at this time, most nobles would always prefer death to slavery. Both for themselves and their relatives. So if they found this solution to be better than death, then it might be something else.

Because it is A COLLECTION. Maybe not one Oglethorpe can actually boost about, indeed; but one he relishes on in private, I'm sure. And what do you do with your collections? You take care of them. You keep them safe from harm. Because that's the only way to enjoy them for a long time.

Because if you're paid to keep someone, it's your job to KEEP. Some people may send emissaries from time to time to check how their relatives fare.

Because none of their clothes are rags, and none of them have marks from fresh physical abuse.

Because that text on the door can be interpreted in many ways, and that those can be contradictory.

Because with what Oglethorpe wins by selling his sugar/whatever grown by people he doesn't pay more than by feeding/clothing/etc them a minimum decently, and by taking a fee for 'interning', he is still easily richer than necessary, with the added luxury of a (from the time) quite clean conscience.

So, here is my vision of their daily life (overthinking?me?):

- there are separate spaces:

* the ones 'bought instead of being hanged', who are the most common and the most hard-working, probably (but not actually treated badly either). But knowing they escaped death, I figure it would mean something to them.

* the pregnant unmarried girls, who gets to stay at the house until the time comes and then are send back to their families - and the babies are entrusted to someone outside the farm, and are followed until they reach adulthood at least - to be able to give news, if ever ask

* the ones who are sold in - because their families are afraid or ashamed of them, aka the mentally crazy ones or the physically misformed, who needs intensive care and/or high security

* the ones who are sold in - mostly for being different; politic free-thinkers, against the king, against the rules, or gays, or atheists, or all of those at once, aka "the collection". The lords, captains and kings. They work too, because we're humans, and we need validation, we need to feel useful, so they have to have something to DO. But they have a softer treatment than the ex-convicts.

- there are guards, and they are armed. both for show (potential clients expecting to put someone here to stay expects armed guards) and for security (in case one of the 'crazy' goes on an accidental killing spree, to put it simply)

- they eat in common. and there are common spaces to wash.

- but they have private cells, like in a monastery. a bed, a chair, a table... simple, but private (maybe not all of them, the convicts have maybe dormitories. but 'the collection' does have private quarters.) (James and John were offered by inmates adjacent spaces, and they blocked a door and holed the separating wall (let's say it's mostly wood, so...) to make a common space. John has a cell for himself. And it always stays that way.)

- most are christian religious - occidental 1700's, right. so. they all have sunday off the fields. not that they don't have to work at all (they clean up, repair, whatever) but it's 'off'. there's also a church building, sort of. i'm not sure a true priest gets there every sunday (Oglethorpe might simply read from the bible too), but maybe once a month? once every 2 months? but they do get communion, if they want. and they get last sacraments; if they want, and if there is time for it.

So yep, that's out. It's a jail, no doubt. It's wrong, it's unfair - because most of the people here probably haven't in fact done anything truly wrong (Oglethorpe is not crazy, he's not gonna buy the early equivalent of Jack The Ripper, so I bet the convicts are mostly thieves who tried to steal from nobles in order to survive to start with), no doubt. But it's not THE WORST. And of course I would prefer to have them all out. Keeping them here HURTS me. But there are 20 f$#%#$g YEARS, and James DIED AT SAVANNAH "of old rhum" (= if he had escaped he wouldn't have stayed in the neighboorhood to start with, and the 'rhum' thing is because that's what people thought - because they knew he was captive), and I just can't throw it all out of the window, no matter how much I would want it, purely for commodity... So I just had to find a way to live with it - and THIS is it. I don't expect anyone to agree. But I just had to find a way to BEAR it a minimum, so please just don't burst my bubble?

#black sails #silverflint #long john silver #james flint #john silver #captain flint #from the embers of the shadows in our pasts a phoenix will rise #my two pieces of eight #silvermadi #flinthamilton #madi #thomas hamilton #text

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