#if they treat you like shit for it. in even more subtle ways like emotional manipulation or hell even just homophobic assumptions like

[bucephaly]

I keep seeing posts of people saying that a term transphobes stole and are using incorrectly to be transphobes is a Horrible Transphobic Term and Anyone who uses it is transphobic and it's Not Real and Entirely Not True when it's literally an actual anthropological term that has studies about it and is actually very useful for Everyone to think about, cis and trans, and be critical of. I hate seeing people respond to dumb hate by entirely writing off everything even remotely connected to the twisted shit bigots use when the shit the bigots are stealing and twisting is still like... a thing?

[datastate]

more younger lgbtq people need to get comfortable with straight up lying to people’s faces until you’re at a stable place. it obviously feels gross echoing transphobia n homophobia, but if it’s for your own safety you need to at least learn how to nod along. it doesn’t make you “weak-willed” or a “coward” - it’s to keep you alive.

[hannieehaee]

what they'd be like if they had a crush on you

wc: 1075

a/n: no one requested thishsjss but i thought it was a cute concept so T-T

masterlist

seungcheol -

he'd constantly try to impress you by acting manly and dependable around you. he'd wanna show you what you were getting if you ever looked his way. if you ever needed anything he'd drop whatever he was doing to help you. he'd also be super possessive over you, fighting any of the guys if they ever tried to get closer to you than him. would want your attention on him at all times, not realizing he was making his intentions very obvious.

jeonghan -

he'd be confident about it. he'd probably treat you like any other friend but with a hint of something more. he'd always give you extra attention and make sure you were at least somewhat aware of his intentions. eventually he'd be more direct about it, maybe even teasing you about his own crush on you. would not actually confess to you but make it super clear he liked you, inciting you to do something about it.

joshua -

i think he'd literally just tell you. he's a confident guy, so he'd be able to measure as to whether or not you like him after a few times hanging out. he'd be flirty with you but remain a true gentleman at all times. he'd open doors for you, maybe give you little gifts every so often, get you food, etc. he'd do tiny little things to show how much he liked and thought about you, probably easily getting you to fall for him.

jun -

cutie would get so bashful around you. he'd giggle at anything you said, always avoiding your eyes as he did it. he'd try to impress you whenever you were around, but he'd be really subtle about it. he'd also try to stick close to you during group hangouts so that he could get some one-on-one time with you. would probably do his best to get close to you before very shyly telling you about his feelings.

soonyoung -

he'd think he was being subtle but he'd be so fucking obvious about it. whenever you were around, he'd do things to try and impress you like carry something heavy to show off his muscles or show off his dancing skills or some shit like that. he'd also literally just follow you around. he'd wanna be in your presence as much as possible so he could finally win you over.

wonwoo -

he'd be the sweetest guy to ever have a crush on you. he'd communicate his crush through his actions. would seek you out so you could hang out one-on-one very often. would listen to your problems and always be in the know about anything going on in your life. you'd probably end up developing a super strong emotional attachment to each other before he even confessed. would probably have you in the limbo between friends for lovers for a while (give him to me pls).

jihoon -

he'd be so shy about it lmao. he'd be so reserved and overly polite around you, avoiding eye contact and even avoiding you in general. you'd probably think he disliked you from how little he'd interact with you. 100% the type to somehow make you feel rejected by him and have to go apologize to you over the misunderstanding. also 100% the type to accidentally confess his crush while apologizing.

seokmin -

he'd be his super friendly self with you and even seek you out as much as he could. he'd be obvious about it but without actually being direct. he'd basically treat you like his s/o already without even confessing lmao. he'd give you his jacket when it was cold, buy you a warm drink every morning, walk you home, hold your hand, etc. he'd do all this without ever even confessing his crush, thinking he's treating you like any other friend. you'd have to snap him out of it and ask him to make things official yourself.

mingyu -

he'd either just straight up flirt with you or be a shy blushing mess around you. it'd depend on the nature of your relationship. for the most part, i think he'd be rlly bashful around you at first, until he realized maybeee the feelings might be mutual. in that case he'd be such a little shit and do stuff like flex around you or show off his height or literally just say suggestive shit to your face in order to get you to react.

minghao -

would probably try and court you. he seems like a traditional person when it comes to relationships, so he would probably make his intentions clear right off the bat, but not actually ask you out until you grew closer. another member who would have you in the limbo between friends and lovers until formally asking you to be his. would never feel nervous or anxious about his crush on you. he'd relish on it, actually.

seungkwan -

despite being super outgoing and making it seem like embarrassment is scared of him, he'd be a bit shy and bashful about his crush. he'd probably become your bestie in the process of trying to get closer to you. he'd accidentally put himself in the friendzone because of f how friendly he is. lucky for him he's cute and the odds that you liked him back were very high. would have to be talked by jeonghan or vernon into confessing.

vernon -

he seems like he'd be chill about it on the outside but a mess on the inside. no one would even know he liked you unless he straight up told them. he'd be that subtle. but any time you two interacted or you dared make some type of physical contact with him his heartbeat would go crazy. he'd have to give himself pep talks every night to learn to control his breathing when he was around you.

chan -

everyone would know and everyone would make fun of him because of it. he'd probably make the mistake of telling one member about it and the next day they'd all know. even you'd know. but not because of him being obvious but more like because the members would tease him while you were around. he'd just give it up and play into it at that point. i mean, you already knew so he might as well just be direct about it at this point, right? he'd try to get to you with his humor (and im ngl it'd work) and maybe even flirt with you too.

[dykedvonte]

I saw your earlier post and you mentioned how people say things like "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" and you're so right cuz it drives me insane the way people want to hate Curly as much as Jimmy so they start saying really concerning stuff. Like is that not just victim blaming? Is saying "Curly is a grown ass man" not just rephrasing "why didn't she fight back?" It feels like the fandom think they can just say vile shit because his abuse wasn't physical (at first, and don't even get me started on anyone saying he deserved to be abused as if any kind of abuse can be justified) and he's a guy. Makes me wonder if people would bother seeing Curly as another victim if he was a woman or if discussion would be equally as insufferable because he's still not the "perfect victim" compared to Anya

It's crazy the way people say "I would've fixed everything unlike Curly" and then continue brushing off a victim and saying they deserved it. Even Curly acknowledged Anya's suffering even if he failed to help her in the end, and yet the fandom acts like this without any self-awareness (sorry for ranting like this but I'm just very tired of the fandom recently)

What worse about those comments and the sentiments is it’s often used when people are discussing him as a victim. Like acknowledging the abuse he also faced with Jimmy and that it shouldn’t matter or have an effect because he needed to “man up” and deal with it due to his position.

He needed to deal with it more effectively yes, but it is really victim blamey in the sense he should’ve just been able to. I talked about if Curly was a girl people would probably still judge her on the basis of being more experienced and accomplished and also needing to know better. The problem is that every is trying to treat what Anya and Curly went through on a comparative level. The game does not try to do that but instead tries to have their abuse parallel each other and be metaphorical, along with show the subtle and explicit ways abusers treat their victims.

People see how Jimmy and Curly parallel each other and create the idea “they deserved each other” in some weird ironic penance stance on both their parts. It’s just so odd because the game clearly shows that not a single person was deserving of their situation and especially the treatment under Jimmy at any point for any reason. The game centers around everyone paying for callous actions he commits and refuses to take responsibility for and yet the conversation center around one of his most tormented victims being questioned on how deserving he was of it/how it shouldn’t have effected him that badly.

I know you can be mad at Curly but making it out that if he was a real good man than he just would’ve had the balls to stand up to what was likely years of emotional and mental degradation still perpetuates the idea if a victim really didn’t like the treatment they would’ve just fought back harder or not put themselves into that position in the first place.

It goes back to the idea that there’s always a way to stop it and it’s on you if it happens. It’s again taking focus off the perpetrator and putting it on other aspects than the ever present source. Idk man but it’s like people are trying to make so many slightly different think pieces on MW that some just loop back to harmful rhetoric we were just moving away from.

[hey-august]

Buggy thinking reader insert likes Shanks more is for ever and always gonna be one of my favorite things because the angst potential, the comfort potential… delicious.

But also like… ultimate comedy because depending on the dynamic you see him and Shanks having it can also be like: Shanks. Obnoxious wingman.

Buggy fretting over you being in love with Shanks, while not only you aren’t, but also Shanks doing his best combination of „I know all of this guys dumbest moments because we grew up together“ and „WHOOOO!!! BUGGY!!“

He wouldn’t even need to sell you on Buggy but he’s constantly just hyping him up to you anyways, Buggy is so funny. Buggy can juggle with daggers! Shanks is a hot mess in the fashion department, yes, hahah, yeah he knows, if you want to talk to someone who can tell colors apart you should go to BUGGY, now BUGGY is a stylish guy, you need to know your shit to make clown fashion look good.

…. Also speaking of clowns, one time when they were eleven Buggy got stung by a bee on his nose and it took away like fifty percent of his vision because it swelled so- „CAN IT, YOU BASTARD!“

Buggy not only being so blind he mistakes your advances as being intended for Shanks, but also not even realizing Shanks is just constantly trying to get you two closer as well.

aaaAAAHHH Anon, I love the idea of Shanks trying to be Buggy's hype man, and doing that plus more. C'mon, they're not embarrassing stories, they're funny! Endearing! Here, have a 550 word stream of consciousness about this trio's dynamic:

Both men can easily be the center of attention. But maybe Buggy's circle is intimidating. Maybe not. Maybe you're nervous about approaching him just yet.

Grab a drink, chat it up with the easy to talk to guy at the bar, get invested in some childhood story he's telling a crowd, a story full of adventure and danger. Plus some goofy antics that only two best friends could get into.

And when Shanks calls out to the so-called friend for confirmation about a particular detail (what happened first - the swarm of bees that blocked out the sun or falling into that pulsating mud pit ), it's the guy you've had your eye on all night.

And Shanks - the schmoozer, the sweet talker - is too quick to pick up on that subtle shift in your expression. Wide eyed not because of the fantastic story he's telling, but for a different reason. So you two keep chatting, and the circle of conversation shrinks until it's you two and stories about Buggy.

Finally, eventually, why did it take so long, Buggy makes his way over and Shanks introduces you two. Aaaand nothing. Buggy looks you over and scoffs. Shanks can go hook up with whoever and do whatever the fuck he wants - Buggy doesn't need a consolation prize.

That was...rude. It would have been absolutely crushing if it wasn't for Shanks clapping a hand on Buggy's shoulder and shaking sense into him. Chiding him for being so blind - how did Buggy not notice that you have been undressing him all night from across the bar? Or how you'd whip your head around and pretend to be looking anywhere but at the clown when his attention drifted anywhere near you.

It's obvious Buggy isn't going to believe any of that, so you decide to jump in. And, you know, word vomit every thought in your head.

"He's right, I think you're cute and I want to buy you a drink and he said you like hot dogs so we can go get a bite to eat, my treat, if you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, we've been talking about you because I wanted to get to you more because I...think you're cute." You might have blacked out while talking because you hardly remembered what came out of your mouth. It wasn't until the end that you realized both men were silent and staring at you.

Shanks laughed first. Of course he did. Buggy didn't. He turned red. Redder than the nose on his face. You thought it was the nicest shade of vermillion, but wow could it get brighter when this guy had emotions.

You two were talking about him? What did Shanks say?!

Only good things, really! That he's talented with knives. That he's clever with chemicals and science. Oh and one time he accidentally blew off his eyebrows. And that Buggy has the best jokes. In fact, there's one particular joke about a mermaid, a pirate, and a sandwich that no one can tell like Buggy.

And there's the light. The sparkle. The opportunity. All the pieces have been played.

Shanks drowns the rest of his drink while Buggy leans in to tell you the joke. That joke. What you didn't know is it's rather raunchy. Downright filthy. And exactly what you and Buggy needed to start a fun night getting to know each other.

[gatorbites-imagines]

hi !! could i maybe get some rex splode x gnc trans male reader stuff, if you’re cool with that !! maybe smth abt the reader getting misgendered for wearing clothes they feel more comfortable with and rex stepping in to defend them :o thank you sm !!

Rex Sloan/Rex splode x ftm reader

Headcanons

Rex wasn’t the best guy up until getting shot in the second season, but that wouldn’t matter if you guys were dating, except for the fact that he would apologize to you and try his hardest to be a better boyfriend.

He might have misgendered you on accident the very first time you guys met, but when you corrected him that didn’t happen again. He might have been a dick sometimes, but he isn’t a bigot.

I like to think Rex is secretly into fashion at a low level, since he’s into stuff like decorating. So, he would be excited to help you plan your outfits.

Since he is a government experiment, he wouldn’t have that deeply ingrained image of gender either, so he wouldn’t care too much about you, your gender, or your way of expressing yourself.

In the beginning he wouldn’t be into wearing anything feminine himself though, since he’s quite insecure and unsure about himself and the image he puts off. But that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t support you.

His insecurity would have crossed over to how people treat you though. Since disrespecting you is also disrespecting him, but also because he loves you and doesn’t want you getting mistreated.

This leads to him getting into fights, both verbal and physical, since how dare they treat you like that? Who the fuck do they think they are? They can taste his damn explosions if they’re gonna keep that shit up.

In the beginning his acts of defending you can be quite a lot, since he takes peoples comments more personal that you do. To the point where he might even get snippy with people who do it on accident even if they correct themselves immediately after being informed.

But after getting shot in the head and rethinking a lot about himself, Rex would become better at dealing with himself, his emotions and his reactions.

This not only leads to him being a better boyfriend in general, but also not reacting so quick to violence and anger if somebody says the wrong thing or looks at you wrong. He still keeps a sharp eye on people though, especially when you are dressing the ways you prefer.

Where in the past Rex would make a loud scene, after the bullet he would be more lowkey. And by that, I mean, pull the person to the side or just quietly tell them that if they don’t stop nobody would be able to find the pieces of their body after he blew them up.

Of course he doesn’t always end up using threats of death, but that’s mainly because he knows you wouldn’t like it. to Rex, being transphobic on purpose deserves it, but since it wouldn’t be what you and others wanted, he would keep it as a last defense. Or at least wait for no one else to be around.

He makes sure to check up on you afterwards too. Rex would try to be subtle, but he isn’t really the most subtle guy. So, when he’s trying to see if your okay and affirm your gender, he says something like “you know you’re the most handsome guy I know, right?”

After understanding himself better, he might even get the interest in trying to wear different things. At this point I can’t imagine him wearing it in public, but when he’s alone or together with you, he might put on a few different things to see how he feels.

Rex always gets embarrassed about it though, especially if you comment about it, even if it’s telling him it looks good. So your best bet is to not mention it until he brings it up himself.

[wraithdance]

Pet Me, Please [2/?]

Cw: Toxic!Kate Laswell x reader, mean lesbians, mentions of readers clit and vagina, established Kate x wife, Poly/open relationship, not very nice treatment of a sex partner lol, putting a dubcon warning just to be safe!! This will be a continued drabble series because we need more wlw shit. A silly lil treat for @fairyboygenius I hope you feel better!

Things after the time you spent at Kate and her wife’s home were.. odd?

You’d been sucked into a cocoon of sweet words, soft skin and entangled legs for the entire weekend. Always with coffee and breakfast brought to you as you gasped from the after shocks of being awoken by an orgasm.

On the following Sunday Kate had gently made it clear that play time was over and sent you home with a chaste kiss. Her wife had all but shoved her tongue down your throat, sliding her fingers into the waistband of your leggings.

Kate had cleared her throat right before seeking fingers found the slick pooling from your core. Kate’s wife had pouted and retreated to Kate’s side before giving you a cheeky smile and a wink as Kate closed the door.

You were startled at the wide, unfocused eyes and swollen lips you see in the bathroom mirror in your home. At work your neck burns hot whenever Kate comes in for her daily cup of coffee. She smiles and still asks you about your drink opinions but there’s clearly a wall between you now.

After two weeks of the unspoken waltz you were both doing about that night, you follow after her outside. You call out a ‘watch the counter for me’ to your coworker and scramble to meet Kate’s confident strides. She raises a thin, perfectly maintained eyebrow when you reach for her sleeve.

“Hey,” you hesitate, you’re afraid to meet her eyes and what might be in them. You settle for staring at the subtle layer of gloss on her lips. This one a taupe color that makes your wonder about the flavor that would fill your sense if you kiss her.

“Are we going to talk about it? About that night?” You ask finally in the silence.

Kate makes a subtle glance around, it reminds you that you were both standing in the middle of the busy sidewalk, you with your stained barista uniform and Kate with her smart slacks and button up.

You tell her to follow you around the corner of the coffee shop. You don’t allow yourself to look back to make sure she follows. You wouldn’t like the devastation if you realize she hadn’t come. She does though, steps lithe but cautious.

When you face her you’re pushed back against the cobbled wall so suddenly you nearly lose your balance. Kate steadies you with a grip on your upper arm and crowds you, her chest to yours.

She watches you, taking in your sudden shallow breaths and you wonder if she can feel your heart beat out of your chest.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

You blink in confusion. It takes you too long to process words much less her meaning. When you do your heart sinks to your stomach. Kate watches you for understanding, running her hand up your limbs like it’s supposed to cure your breaking heart.

“I don’t understand I thought- why would you bring me home?” Your words are warmly from the tears you hold back. Your eyes search her face for any sign of emotion or even a crack in her perfectly crafted facade.

“My wife and I like to… explore every once and awhile.” Kate sees your blanched expression and smiles in a way you think might be contrite. “I assumed you understood that was only a one time thing, it wasn’t my intention-”

“What? Of course I didn’t think that, you didn’t tell me! Why would you lead me on I thought you liked me too, that’s such a bitchy thing to-”

Kate’s blue eyes had narrowed into slits at your tone but by the time the word bitchy came out of your mouth she’d had enough. Her hand lashed out to hold your chin in her grasp. The hold is light but it’s clear you were not to move an inch.

“Do not speak to me that way and do not ever use that word around me again. Do you understand? Nod your head yes, now.”

You smack her hand away and it surprises you both. A chill goes down your spine when she looks from her hand to you, but you soldier on despite the anxiety.

“Fuck you! It was bitchy! You led me on and honestly you’re being a bit-”

She doesn’t let you finish the sentence when she reaches around your neck to pull you into a firm grasp and kiss you. Her lips are harsh against yours and demanding, she wants you to know it’s not meant with you in mind but a correction.

Your lashes flutter at the taste of mint and the cream from the coffee you’d made her. The gasp you make when her free hand moves under your apron and tweaks your nipple, is swallowed up. You hiss out in pleasure-pain when she pinches the hardened nub meanly. You think she might be the devil when she soothes the hurt with a rub of her thumb.

She slides her hand down your body, past your slacks and the barrier of your boy-short panties. Her fingers glide through the folds of your cunt, ignoring your clit and trailing wetness behind with assured strokes. You’re jerking from her mouth and crying out when she spears you with two digits.

“Shh pet, you can take it right? That’s what you were saying just now, hm? Big words from a brave, sweet thing.”

She gives you only a moment to adjust to the foreign intrusion before pistoning her digits in and out of your fluttering entrance. She’s watching you like a hawk while you writhe against the wall and grind your clit on the heel of her hand. You bite your lips hard enough to hurt to withhold the keening moans slipping past your teeth. She nips you when you attempt to grasp her wrist when the walls of your cunt flutter in the tell-tale sign of your orgasm.

“I shouldn’t let you cum to be honest. You’ve been rude and nasty, but look at you, you’re so cute when you’re pent up, how can I not forgive you.”

Your only answer is tears streaming down your face at the disgusting lilt of her tone. She knows you’re on the cusp but purposefully strums the nerves inside your cunt and ruins the build up by switching motions when you’re close. She knows that you know she’s torturing you. You can see it in the humored look in her eyes and the imperceptible smile on her face.

It hurts your pride more than anything knowing how well shes playing you. Your legs are shaking and you you’re creaming on her fingers greedily despite your humiliation. You meet her gaze and glare.

“Fuck you.” You say through gritted teeth. Kate sighs. She pulls her hands out of your pants right as your hearing went out from the anticipation of the impending orgasm rocking through you, this one closer than the others. She places the hand soaked in your cum on your cheek and pats you, forcing your dazed mind back into your body.

When she believe you cognizant enough she smiles.

“Naughty pets don’t get to cum.” She whispers. You’re stuck trying to choose between begging and screaming at her when she makes the choice for you by tapping her wet fingers on your lips.

“Suck them.”

You do.

She leaves you in the alley with tears in your eyes. She doesn’t look back or come back to the coffee shop again.

Previous | Next

[goldfades]

angsty blurb w/Trevor🤭

you asked and you shall receive…

─ warnings | angsty asf, don’t say i didn’t warn ya! cheating, trevor is a fraternity ASSHOLE, just mean ass shit

you’d heard the stories about trevor but you’d chose to ignore them — and now, tears streaming down your eyes you really wish you hadn’t. giving him the benefit of the doubt multiple times after he’d shown you exactly who he really was, trying to ignore the warning signs.

as you sat there on his couch, tears cascading down my cheeks, you replayed every moment, every warning sign you had chosen to ignore. it started with little things, subtle remarks that cut deeper than they should have. each time, you brushed them off, convinced that beneath his rough exterior lay a heart of gold. the lies, oh the lies! they wove a web so intricate, so deceptive, that you found yourself trapped before you had even realized. he promised change, redemption, but now you realized it was all just another layer of deceit.

"her, trevor?" your voice came out quiet but fuming. "her?"

she was the complete opposite of you — looks, personality and everything else. and yet, despite the glaring differences between you, trevor had chose her. the realization cut like a knife through your already wounded heart. how could he betray you with someone so unlike you in every aspect?

her presence haunted you, her image etched into your mind like a scar you couldn't erase. you couldn't help but compare yourself to her, picking apart every flaw that made you feel inferior in trevor's eyes.

"i-i didn't mean for it to happen," he pleaded, his voice tinged with desperation. "it was a mistake, i swear. you know you're the one i love."

"you don't fuck other people when you're in love, trevor!" you shouted, your voice coming out shaky as you watched his expression change from emotional to slightly agitated, as if you were the one who was inconveniencing him.

"come on, don't be so dramatic," he scoffed, his voice laced with contempt. "it was just a mistake. you're blowing this way out of proportion."

his words hit you like a slap in the face, his lack of remorse fueling the fire of your anger but also deepening the wound. how dare he dismiss your pain so callously, as if his infidelity was something trivial?

"you did it more than once, trevor. you're a fucking traitor," your voice broke as you spoke, feeling all the emotions from the last 8 months come down on you. how did something so perfect, become something so terrible?

eight months of love, laughter, and shared dreams now felt like a cruel joke. the memories of happiness now tainted by the bitter taste of betrayal.

his expression remained indifferent, as if your pain meant nothing to him. it was a cruel realization that he was never the person you thought he was. the man you loved had been nothing but a facade, a mask hiding the true nature of his deceitful character.

with a deep breath, you squared your shoulders, meeting his gaze with determination. "i'm done, trevor," you declared, each word dripping with finality.

"oh trust me, you'll be back. like you always do," trevor's voice came out so bitter, you almost didn't recognize him. is that all you were to him? a mug, a girl who always came back? who was always there?

for a moment, doubt threatened to creep in, whispering its insidious lies in the nooks of your mind. had you really been so blind, so naive to believe in his empty promises over and over again?

but then, something inside you shifted. anger surged forth, fueling the flames. you refused to be reduced to a mere afterthought, a pawn in his selfish games.

"no, i won't," you countered, your voice firm. "i won't be, i deserve more than being treated like an option, like a backup plan for when it's convenient for you."

with that, you turned away, leaving trevor standing there, his words hanging in the air like a bitter echo.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[vitaminseetarot]

Last Quarter Moon PAC: What Are You Harvesting? 🌗🍓🍹

Welcome, one and all, to my last chapter of the four-part moon series! In the beginning, all we had was the seed of potential. We then added some tender love and compost, tending to its stretching stems and budding leaves. We then sat back and witnessed the colorful flower blooming forth, reflecting our work well done.

Now it's finally time to take a look at what will be harvested from this growth. How will it sweeten your life? How will it ensure that more growth can continue to the next month? What blessings will at last be bestowed that will, with careful preservation, last through the winter and beyond?

Take a peek at the three packages of fruit you see down below. These are of the frozen kind so they will last for many smoothies and muffins to come. (Brand names are blotted out for your convenience.)

Pile 1 - Chilly Blueberries Pile 2 - Snowy Strawberries Pile 3 - Frosty Plums

Pile 1

Cards: Four of Swords, Three of Cups, Nine of Cups; Dandelion Wish, Avocado - Prosperity, Scorpio Moon - Camouflage, 6 - Freedom

I guess it works that I called this the Chilly Blueberry pile cause it seems like you're just looking to chill. You've been through the long haul this last month, and for you the growth hasn't come easily. Now you're being greatly encouraged to kick back and relax for the last few days of the season remaining.

You've been spending a great amount of time working on your internal issues. This pile has done some immense shadow work, and perhaps you sense that you're still in the thick of it, laying low and addressing some old fears. These fears may have to do with something you've been wishing and longing for. There's almost a feeling of treating shadow work as a full time job, wanting to purge and clear as much as possible to make room for desires. Which isn't a bad thing! It can be the recommended thing for many people (like one of the other piles, per example wink), but there's also such a thing as overdoing it. Sometimes you get to a place where you've squeezed out every tear cried out and felt the rock bottom of rock bottom, where you're hitting impenetrable bedrock. Pile 1, this is your reminder that you've been doing GREAT work improving yourself, but now it's time to breathe.

You're going to be harvesting peace, relaxation, a chance to decompress and distract yourself with good times. Your friends could be trying to pull you out of the house or into a discord chat -- join them! Don't let yourself get distracted by the heavy emotions at this time. Not all shadow work is productive, like with anything it can be habitual and keep you ruminating in a little loop. You are protected as far as social relations are concerned. You're being given the space to relate your deep inner work with the work others have been doing. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to be in the thick of some deep karmic issues, only to find out a close friend or even acquaintance has been going through a similar ordeal.

Right now, even with all the freaky planet shit happening out there, don't think that the next few months will be like your last few. You're gonna undergo a subtle transformation on your own naturally after this harvest. You'll be moving into a place of wish making and abundance. This may even boost your sense of financial freedom. It could be that some of your shadow work involved money, but I'm really getting abundance in general with this pile. You don't have to overwork yourself to get to that place, pile 1, you're already approaching it. There's no need to get a 100% completion rating on your spiritual practice. You're not being rewarded for hard work, you're being rewarded because you're in the right place and time to be receiving the abundance coming for you. The shadow work is to help you get in a better mindset and receive without letting old baggage get in the way. It's not a forever thing.

Pile 2

Cards: Five of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, Page of Cups; Turtle Creek, Strawberry - Affection, Leo Rising - Shine, 5 - Heart Healing

How awesome is it that you got the strawberry card for your strawberry reading?! Maybe you just really like eating them; the card does talk about affection after all! With Leo Rising, I'm feeling that this pile has been really affected by the Leo Venus retrograde. Lucky for you, the planet will station direct in a few days, gradually bringing back in a feeling of overall sweetness to your life like a tide coming in.

It could have been that your self-worth took a small hit in some way. Some things may have happened that tested you just a little too much. You wanted more out of your circumstances, but when you ask and ask your spirit guides and higher self and nothing seems to happen on the surface at the end of the day, that can really wreck confidence over time. You'd hear things like "maybe it's just not meant for you," to which you'd respond, "then what is?" You're about to gain a lot more clarity as to what is for you, and that no matter what your doubts say, pile 2, you deserve this!

That belief is very important--it keeps you from creating blind spots where opportunities lie. I felt relief pulling the King of Pentacles in the middle. The King does not think at all about what he deserves, he simply has it. He listened to that one random shampoo commercial's message "because you're worth it, baby" and stuck to that philosophy for the rest of his life. He needed this confidence because with Pentacles (and as hinted by your Turtle Creek card), success doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if something is going to work out in the long run. We often have to wave our hair around like supermodels and strut our stuff as though we know it will anyway. (I just got "Good As Hell" by Lizzo in my head. You might benefit from pampering yourself a little to remind yourself of your worthiness.)

There's going to be a moment of inspiration that comes to you this harvest, like an artistic idea or emotional epiphany that will flood through your slow moving creek. Page of Cups doesn't see you as really stuck, but will help push you along either way. Your lack mentality is being restored to a fullness mentality, and with this comes a strong wave of emotional resolution. Letting yourself feel the hurt of lack for just a moment in time can help you clear it out of your system to make room for healthier and better feelings that actually stick. You're allowed to set down your doubts for now and be more vulnerable and open to giving and receiving. It may not seem so, but vulnerability is important to creating flow, and flow is when we sense that we are moving with life and not against it, so that naturally things will work out for us. When you're ready to open your doors to life with softness and tender affection, so will the doors to what you've been dreaming of.

Pile 3

Cards: VII Chariot, Queen of Swords, Ten of Cups; Cottage Hill, Watermelon - Fun, Sagittarius Rising - Adventure, 9 - Self Acceptance

Before I flipped over your cards, I looked at the Cottage Hill card and imagined how cozy you've been for the last while, maybe a season or two where you stayed home and felt comfortable. I even channeled a feeling of enjoying old familiar songs and games. Then I turned the cards around and got the exact opposite message!

Your cards are nudging towards pushing yourself out there and taking in the goodness of life without getting muddled in the details. You've been in a state of analysis (paralysis?) for some time, and the only thing you're harvesting, whether you like it or not, is the chance to go out and enjoy yourself. It doesn't have to involve others, it can be just you looking to try something new (maybe rock climbing isn't in your taste, but there are many other things to explore). Forgive me for saying this, but we all know what dried plums are: prunes. And what do prunes help with? Of course, getting things going! The Chariot isn't always a card of traveling, but you are specifically having your travel experiences sweetened this time around. A dash of spontaneity and whimsy has been added to your harvest. There is stuff out there waiting for you to see it and experience it for yourself.

Please don't think that this time to run around and enjoy yourself is a waste of time, pile 3. Do you know how hard it is to want to move ahead when you have 6-8 planets in retrograde? Cut yourself a bit of slack. Being a successful human being doesn't mean never allowing yourself to feel content with the present, especially since for many people being successful means exactly that. You also never know what these greater experiences could bring you in the long run. A good time spent away can be like a shower that prepares you for the next big thing to tackle. It could be hiding blessings in between, waiting for you to seize them.

The Queen is Swords approaches everything with discernment, so you can work with her energy by finding out what sort of thing you would like to do or see next. It doesn't mean planning every single thing out. The best itineraries keep you from getting lost from point A to point B, while also leaving room for exploration. Maybe you'd be interested in joining a computer programming class, for example. It doesn't mean you have to sign up for the full major. Taking things a step at a time can really help you determine what's better for you further down the road. Self-Acceptance card talks about how to deal with our tendency to self-contradict. There's a part of you what wants to move ahead, and part of you that wants to stay put in the comfort zone. Plan out your "itinerary" so you're not caught in black-and-white thinking. If you're feeling the resistance to move, just try it a little at a time. You'll have a lot more fun this way.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[blacklegsanjiii]

Do I love Reiju a whole lot? Yes. Do I also love to gave Sanji even more trauma? YES!

So here am I, with a new universe: Evil!Reiju au!

Reiju is still born with emotions, but there two things: 1) she has so little emotions that they're almost nonexistent 2) the little feelings and personality she has are from Judge.

So yeah, instaed of a caring and kind old sister Reiju who feels so much, we have a Reiju who is cruel and manipulative and pretends to care about Sanji. She treats Sanji like he is nothing more than a toy who she can simply play with it's feelings, and not like it's her damn little brother.

But she puts on an act. Reiju uses (fake) sweet words and (fake) gentle touches to make the blonde trust her. Subtly hurting him when she's bored.

Then the dunsheon, where her mask finally falls. Of course, completely breaking what was left of Sanji's heart. During the next two years, even if she doesn't beat him, her cruel words hurt just as much.

After Sanji runs away, he doesn't trust no one. It's just on the rock, 2 years after, that he starts to trust this man who was unrealistic kind. They're rescued from the rock and Zeff starts to treat him like an actual father would treat a son. This always makes Sanji's heart warm and give him the need to cry a little because for the first time since his mother died someone truly loves him.

Sanji is still gentle with women, but not much like canon. He would fight one if needed and, actually, he's kinda afraid of them deep down and a little uncomfortable, too. Zeff don't know the whole thing but he knows his eggplant have been through a traumatic thing and he can't and wouldn't never blame him, he would be a shame of a father and an idiot if he did.

Then Sanji joins the StrawHats because, curiously, something inside his stitched heart tells him he should. And Sanji follows his heart.

Things go pretty much like canon. With some differences, like: East Blue Polycule happens, Sanji is always suspicious of everyone (all the crew notices this, so at least one of them always is with him when the ship stops at some island and less gentle over women.

Then the TimeSkip, where WCI happens. Reiju still puts the fake cuffs but this time with the intentions of messing with her brother's mind. She makes little threats about exploding his hands and/or poisoning, and it's until they're almost leaving Whole Cake and she tells the cuffs are fake.

Also I need 0 & 3ji to have a argument who is like "You're too emotional, Sanji" "Maybe I am, but you never about me at all, Reiju" "Why would I care about a worthless failure?" "... I thought you cared about me, you always acted like you did before the thing" at the end of the arc. With the Sanji rescue team watching and looking at Reiju with anger.

They go at Wano and everything happens. Then after the fight Luffy, Brook, Chopper and Nami ask about the argument and Sanji tells to the whole crew, because the other also want to know. He tells them about his childhood, how Reiju pretended to care for him. The dunsheon and how cruel she actually was.

All the StrawHats think that Reiju is nothing more than a cruel people.

Okay, I love this, but I think it would forever fuck with Sanji and women moreso than you think? And like his whole relationship with Nami is probably so fucking skewed? Jesus. She's needlessly cruel and just manipulates the shit out of Sanji constantly. He would be bending over backwards to get any smidge of affection from her until his escape but is so terrified of just disappointing her that it is just negatively impacts his expression towards women so much that Sanji inevitably just is so scared of them and so his immediate reaction is to fawn.

Reiju notices it's more fun to her to toy with Sanji like a doll when she's young and Judge encourages it since it's just to the failure. It's not like anything wrong will happen. She's subtle about the way she hurts, sharp words and back handed compliments to that ache and sting the blond's heart when he's just a child, turning to outright malicious intent when she finds Sanji in the dungeon because he's supposed to be dead and the words. Sanji tries to be good so she can get him out but she just tells him this is where failures belong if not in the ground. She doesn't understand how their mother loved such a failure because it's impossible. Still, when she visits, he tries. He tries until he manages to escape and run away, helmet weighing heavily on him. But he's freed from Germa and the helmet and he starts working and keeps to himself. He doesn't trust anyone and doesn't believe himself worthy of Zeff's sacrifice. He doesn't understand why someone would sacrifice so much for a failure like him.

When it comes to fighting women Sanji would really prefer not to. They talk sweet and it sends him spiraling more of than not. Zeff is actually concerned about how Sanji's reaction to women slapping him. Sanji will fight back after a few hits but his preference for not fighting women is huge and he's more trying to calm them down and please them than argue or fight back. He looks afraid more often than not and when women do compliment him he doesn't believe them, not that he believes a lot of people at first but with the men he believes eventually, but he never believes the women who compliment his food. It's like he's afraid of women. He fawns for over them but flinches away from them, no matter what the crew does to make him more confident with women there's just something lying underneath the surface and they don't know what.

When Sanji joins the Strawhat crew and after Arlong Park, Nami notices he's wary around her and starts taking it personally until she notices it's just every woman he's like that with. Vivi, the vendors, every woman. Her and the other boys are already dating at this point and they're debating on the best way to approach the subject. Sanji doesn't seem like he'll be that receptive to a conversation about it, he noticeably tenses when Vivi calls out to them before relaxing and then flinches when Robin makes her presence known. But she acts differently towards Sanji, she offers small smiles and plain words, not praise though nor does she demand anything from him. Robin eases Sanji's tension with women, it looks so easy for them to be around each other but she moves slow and announces her presence in a quiet tone. When they ask Robin about it she only smiles in answer and walks away. Sanji starts dating the rest of the East Blue crew after Ennies Lobby, he's calmer and the crew protective, at least one person is always with him it seems. He tries not to flinch when Nami moves to fast towards him and apologizes when he does. But he does that for everyone, but his partners especially. There's just something they can't quite place what happened.

Until after the timeskip and WCI happens. When the rescue team meets Reiju and Yonji they wish them luck in saving the failure, Reiju has a sickly sweet smile that's all saccharine and she and Yonji laugh about how it's unlikely Sanji will be alive as they leave and the crew is confused and scared. Like it's some sort of joke, Sanji's life is a joke. Of course Reiju is also watching her brothers beat the failure up and not helping, she jokes about poisoning him and threatens to take him away so the cuffs will explode his hands, says she'll say she found him running. Sanji can just feel everything like he's a child all over again, the pain, the words, the hurt of his family not loving him over and over again almost as bad as it was. Then he hears Pudding and Reiju talk about killing him and they're laughing at him and Sanji gives up, goes to find his captain who he beat the shit out of and is just....crying and sobbing. Nami and Luffy are concerned about what's going on but they'll deal with everything after they save Sanji, when they reunite with the other two. Sanji still insists on saving them and Luffy and Nami don't like it but do as he wishes. During the escape Sanji is worried about his hands when Reiju points out he was a fun toy but the cuffs are fake, they won't take his hands. It was just more fun to make him think they would.

"Maybe if you weren't so emotional it wouldn't be so fun." Reiju smiles at him.

"So what if I am? You all never cared about me at all!" Sanji yells back with a broken voice.

"I don't know why anyone would, you're just a failure. Loving you seems exceptionally difficult, but what would I know?" Reiju laughs.

"You did when we were kids. Until-"

"No, I didn't." Reiju cuts him off. "You're a toy, Sanji. Nothing more, but all the less." Reiju waves off as she leaves and everyone is appalled at what was said. Nami and Luffy are holding Sanji is trying to be brave for them. When they make it to Wano Luffy runs and finds their partners and starts telling them about Reiju and Judge and how awful they were to Sanji and Usopp points out that it explains a lot about Sanji. Zoro is seething and says he should have been there, because he and Usopp are hearing only what Luffy and Nami heard not anything from Sanji. Sanji seems to be trying to avoid the topic of conversation for the most part and they can't exactly stick together in Wano so that makes it ten times worse for Zoro who can't exactly get information from the cook until after he wakes up from the raid. The cook is buried in a cuddle puddle and Usopp is telling his wild stories to try to ease the tension as he combs through Sanji's hair and Zoro is growling about going to kill his birth family.

[theemporium]

ok I don’t understand how much college maxiel and charlos mean to me

like you and Daniel get together first and you’re just fuck buddies at first but then you realize you have Feelings and he’s actually so Sweet and you’re so used to guys treating you like shit that you run

You run because you’re scared that he’s break your already fragile heart but he’s not one to back down. He ropes his frat brothers into taking care of you in small, subtle ways until you end up storming over to his desk in the library and demanding to know what his problem is, tears in your eyes, and his heart drops. Did he get the wrong signals? He tries to explain and you grab his face and kiss him.

It takes you a bit to actually say the words “I love you” but my god, he beams when he hears it. He loves knowing that he’s one of the few people that resides in your heart.

And then you two meet Max.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!😭😭😭😭😭

nah because the reader not being used to someone caring for her so much until daniel. being so overwhelmed by how genuine and sincere he is and it scares her so damn much

and him getting the boys to look after her? and it confuses her because she’s essentially ghosted him and he’s still being so nice?

and then even when she confronts him, she doesn’t know why she’s crying but she is and he’s still so concerned and comforting? IT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL😭😭😭

and then almost having a repeat with max? teaching him that he deserves to be loved? that it’s okay to love more than one person as well? to know what it’s like to get past the shit his father taught him and what he really deserves?😭

I AM IN MY FEELS NOW

[fandomwe1rd0]

Allow me to analyze the toxic, codependent mess that is Rick and Morty's relationship.

Starting off with the abuser, Rick Sanchez!

As much as I love this traumatized, lonely, toxic, abusive old man, he is a horrible person. While he certainly does care about Morty more than anything, the way he treats Morty is anything but healthy, he'll constantly hurl insults at the poor kid, calls the kid replaceable, and makes the kid feel worthless. He acts like a child when it comes to Morty, since he is shown to be extremely jealous, controlling, and possessive of Morty. One of the best examples of this is in "Vindicators 3: Return of Worldender" where Rick straight up put the Vindicators (Aka Morty's heros) into a saw-like death game just out of drunken jealously. While the Vindicators were pieces of shit, this was the most immature, childish way he could've proved it. He also had Morty give up on his dreams when he was afraid of Morty leaving him in "One Crew Coocoo over Morty", he has also stopped Morty's attempts to make new friends his age, this is more subtle, but it's scattered around multiple episodes, the Pilot and Rest and Ricklaxation, where Morty has attempted to talk to Jessica, but Rick interrupts it and pulls Morty away, which Morty having his only friend be his 70 year old grandpa definitely isn't helping things for the already traumatized kid. Rick wants to be Morty's hero, he wants to be Morty's best friend, but he treats Morty so horribly that Morty can't tell. Morty should be aloud to have one friend his age. It's even been confirmed in "The Jerrick Trap" that most of his contact are crime lords, which again can't be healthy! But moving back onto Rick, the reason why I personally believe he is so horrible to Morty is due to his trauma, his wife and child died in front of him, and he blames himself for their deaths, thinking it's his fault, so he's definitely scared to care about others again. And while I certainly feel sympathy for him, that's no excuse to treat your grandson like crap. I do think he, on some level needs Morty, which is where the codependency comes in, as we can see in "Rest and Ricklaxation" Rick turned into a wreck when Morty wasn't around for three weeks. According to Jessica, he's been drunk dialing her and crying about Morty being gone, which, while sweet, shows that he's unable to function without Morty around, showing my argument that Morty is the only stabilizing thing in Rick's life, which is certainly unhealthy, Morty is his 14-year-old grandson, not a therapist. He seems to completely rely on Morty for most things, he relies on Morty to get him food (Rickfending your Mort), he relies on Morty for validation and emotional support (Mutiple episodes, an example is Vat of Acid, where he got so upset that Morty didn't validate his ego that he traumatized the kid). He's definitely changing as we can see in season 6 and 7, but the damage he's done to Morty's psyche has already been done, and the only person who can forgive him for that is Morty, speaking of which...

Let's switch gears to our favorite traumatized child, Morty!

Now I absolutely love Morty, he's my son, and poor traumatized child who deserves all the love in the world, and a good grandpa. Now Morty started the series off pretty naive, as we can see in "Pilot" where he was against shooting people, and when he did, was shown to be shocked and horrified by what he's done, meanwhile in "Mort: Raganrick" he guns down multiple people, and kills a guy with a candlestick with no reaction. And Morty, on a level, needs Rick as well, which is where the codependency kicks in for Morty, when you think about it, Rick is really the only friend Morty has, a toxic friend, but the only one he has, due to Rick's adventures, Morty is unable to make any other friends his age, which can't be helping things, while he relies on Rick less, he was shown to be heartbroken when he left (The two crows episode, I forgot the name), and attempted to get him back twice, even aging himself up to attempt to emotionally blackmail Rick into coming back "Rickmurai Jack" he even has been shown in "Fear No Mort" that he believes that Rick doesn't care about him at all, which makes sense considering how horrible Rick treats Morty on a daily basis.

Whew! That was a long post! I hope you enjoyed reading it and have a lovely rest of your day/night

[faksyan]

12/16/19 :3

ooohh boyy that got really long. lots of mgs rambles under the cut. thanks for the ask!!! very slight nsfw mention in the second one, nothing major.

12) the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I'll be honest I'm actually still familiar with some of the games only on surface-level (fake fan I know), and I don't think I have anyone like that from those I know well.

Well, Paz, but I talked about her a bit in the last ask already. She is full of rage and loneliness and gets just a glimpse of real affection and friendship and I find a lot of these themes very compelling. And I guess all the women in general, because fandom spaces usually gravitate towards men, and with mgs it's even less surprising. I really, really like Eva in Snake Eater, but that's mostly due to my own interpretation rather than the writing. I feel like her understanding of love must be really interesting as someone who was taught to pretend/actually feel on some level love on command, and I also think it's interesting that she was the one The Boss opened to. I really wish so many mgs women's traits weren't so tightly linked with romance, man. Quiet is also so cool, but she too suffers from being reduced to just that.

I really like The Boss, she's such a interesting contradiction - cold and strict, but also full of love for the while world and ready to give everything she has to make it just that much better. I would love to see in more detail things about her and Sorrow, an actual game with her as a protagonist would be awesome. Strangelove's tapes in pw are absolutely fascinating as well, the one where she's talking to Joy's ai almost made me cry, and she generally has some pretty interesting take on some things. I really liked the part where she talks about how ai would be an amalgamation of people's consciousness rather than of individual's in the future, because that put into words part of why I hate ai-generated images and text that people call art.

16) you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Well, I can get people liking anything on account of different tastes, so this is more about popular takes I don't really get because of how different my reading of canon is, I guess? Like the idea of bbkaz being abusive to a point where Kaz was having a horrible terrible time every day at every corner. I've seen it in some fics, and kind of get where people go with it, but I think Kaz "almost blew himself up with a grenade so he wouldn't be taken prisoner" Miller would rather die than be treated like shit. He would blow up their shared tent if it ever came to it ya feel me. He is too proud and too impulsive and too much of everything. They respected and listened to each other and I'd say a lot of their issues were kind of more subtle? in a way. What they had definitely wasn't healthy in many aspects, but it was in ways where they both could ignore/didn't feel it was that bad at the moment, that type of thing.

I read through almost the entirety of ocelhira tag on ao3, and i could write a whole list of stuff about them that I personally see differently as that part of the fandom. I'm very picky when it comes to them, in no way those are bad, and I've /seen/ them being executed in a way I enjoyed, I just don't really get them. The main things I don't really see are, as follows:

That they hate each other (next to zero basis of that before the ending of v, and even this can be argued about.)

They would punch each other on the first meeting or shortly after (never seen either of them as people who would resort to violence in a more business-like setting. because that's how I see them approach what they have. Ocelot mainly uses violence in specific scenarios like interrogations and is good at controlling his emotions. Kaz is impulsive but he is a businessman to the bone. Maybe he'd punch Ocelot at some point but definitely not early on. I feel like the main instigator of random CQC is Snake after all, and without him they would figure things out differently.)

They would fuck on the first meeting or shortly after (Ocelot is weird about intimacy and doesn't trust anyone and is a spy who's probably never had friends or lovers, in any meaningful sence of the words. Also he's on aroace spectrum to me. I don't think Kaz would have sex with a person he genuinely despises even if he found them appealing, out of sheer stubbornness. If he hates a person he hates them, same reason why I don't think bbkaz would work in any way past v. Even if Kaz tried to hook up with Ocelot in the beginning, he would probably kill him for a mere insinuation. Give me the intricate details of getting to know a person and figuring shit out, they had nine whole years.)

There's probably more, but this is getting like. super long sorry my bad. And sorry so much of it is about ships, the platonic tags are barren as a desert I gotta write and draw some myself✌️

19) you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Vocelot a bit maybe (not necessarily romantic or sexual) because the whole concept of them having a close relationship could go a very fucked-up route (like a bit more than the average mgs level). Not really ashamed, that's why I like it, it has a sort of a Hannigram feel to it. Even in case where they genuinely care about each other, there are still some weird power dynamics and mind games and codependency. I just generally find ideas of brainwashing really unsettling.

Also I really like Huey as a character. am I allowed to say that. am I getting fed to the bears. I can and will elaborate at some point, I just really like characters who are unredeemable impossible hypocrites (hey, that's part of why I'm a Kaz Miller fan) and Huey is just. vastly misunderstood when it comes to what caused him to spiral, none of which helps his case but it's INTERESTING. Instead he's just being reduced to a punching bag without taking a look at what exactly led up to it all. Grantedly, I don't think Kojima thought about it that deeply at all, but it came out as a vivid critique of how society and especially military treats men who are disabled/not "masculine" enough/can't stand up for themselves. to me. and I like that.

[silent-sanctum]

Hey so uhhh I was wondering if you can make a lil small itty witty fic about jotaro's pov on the reader, like how he sees them how he feels about them and what not, kinda just random thought yk bit i feel like itd be cute🤭🤭 i hope you understand what i mean by this, anywhom I hope you have a wonderful day 🫶🫶

hiya! sorry this took so long to fulfill TT. But eventually I got this out for everyone to see~~ Hope I gave your request some justice and hope everyone enjoys it ^^ also i recommend playing this for some additional feels~

word count: 959

Love.

Such a strange, contradicting feeling that is. It’s subtle yet it’s obvious. It creeps up to you the way a vine does on a decrepit wall, yet it hits you straight out of nowhere like a punch you didn’t expect coming. It’s selfless and selfish at the same time. Bits of every emotion ever felt laced with this one feeling.

Others found it stemmed from a sense of destiny, a fate interwoven in the universe. Others figured it was simply a feature built into human beings due to our species being the social type who craved connections with fellow humans.

For me, I have always been the one to side with reason and logic, often siding with the scientific explanations and dismissing the crap that was merely wishful thinking, but when it comes to this… I’m not sure I completely side with either.

Honestly, I don’t even know if love is something I’m able to express properly the way others express it. And the reason? It’s complicated.

My mother was the hopeless romantic, so full of love and care tending to my wellbeing, compensating for the lack my father couldn’t give me due to his work. Outside of family, I never knew how to show love to others, more so when they treat me and my mom like outsiders.

And so I thought, “Since I’m not sure how this works, why should I love someone else when all it does is make me tired in the long run, exhausted from spreading it to assholes who’d taunt and abuse you in return?”

I was sure of my decision. Just as I always was with anything else.

But then you came.

You were everything new and unfamiliar. Someone who I couldn’t understand at first because you were so different from me- passionate, outspoken, lively, and brimmed with so much love. But, just like love itself, you were a walking contradiction.

You had all these positive traits that blended you neatly with the rest, but you were also sassy, sarcastic, passive-aggressive, and assertive which admittedly caught me off guard. One that wasn’t afraid to bite to protect or wouldn't back down without putting up a fight no matter how friendly you were.

If anything, you made me intrigued. Your foreign charm made me want to know you more the way the other students failed to do.

And so, I did what I wanted to do. I allowed you to venture more into my life- being a part of my break times and hours of dismissal, knowing about my Stand, learning about my family’s generational problem with an old enemy, and joining me in the quest to solve it.

Throughout it all, when all I wanted was to know you better, I grew to learn the one thing I thought I couldn’t do… I grew to love you.

I couldn’t accept it at first because it startled me when all of a sudden, I became aware of how my heart raced and my stomach fluttered every time you cast a beaming smile in my direction or whenever you showed me genuine kindness time and time again. Or even when you sass me whenever I tried to throw you off with my usual rudeness.

Your laughter moved me to smile and do the most stupid shit to make you that happy again. Your tears urged me to help you through your pains, to move past my cold reserved shell and engulf you with warmth.

And your confession encouraged me to reciprocate- to acknowledge and let you know how I truly felt about you.

Suddenly, after the bullshit all of us had to go through, all the times we spent with our friends… you became someone more than just a close friend.

Unexpectedly, you became my lover.

And I didn’t know why. I was everything messed up when you met me the first time and time we saw each other again years after our journey. With the first, I was a rude delinquent unable to fit in with the crowd. The second an insomniac college student who was too much of a coward to fight his own trauma.

Yet despite all my flaws, all my constant attempts to flee from my deeply-seated insecurities and fears, you were so stubborn and undyingly loyal that you never gave up on me. You stood by my side, held me when I was at my weakest, and professed that no matter the situation-

You’d stay with me until the end.

Because you loved me just as much as I have loved you for all these years.

And look where we are right now- happily married for 7 years in a cozy villa by the sea, raising our beautiful daughter unconditionally.

In the end, love is unexpected. It isn’t linear nor is it too chaotic. It’s a pinch of fate and a handful of the need to seek intimacy. It comes in many shapes and forms, including one in the shape of my dear spouse.   

I don’t know how to end this rather long journal entry but I guess I can end it with a note to you, in case you’re reading.

For all the bullshit you had to put up with, the amount of patience you had staying with me, the times when you had to power through all these supernatural obstacles… Thank you.

Thank you for seeing me through thick and thin. Thank you for loving me the way I am. Thank you for helping me throughout our time together.

I wish for nothing more than to continue our life as it is right now.

I love you and always will.

[thelampisaflashlight]

Catharsis

[I'm back once again with some original writing instead of a ficlet. This one is about imagined revenge, you know, the kind where you get back at the bully, you say the thing you thought about after a fight, that kind of thing. Mentions of unspecified mental health struggles, emotional abuse, and some physical violence towards the end (main focus hits the person). With this in mind, please proceed with caution.]

[Additional Note: This is not relating to anyone specific, though it is based around the general experience of having dealt with similar.]

In the dream...

I stare them down, the anxious twitch brought on by too much coffee and not enough food ceasing in an instant when I feel the rage take over.

I wish I could say my anger was a cool one, laid down carefully and with a sophisticated degree of execution.

But it has never been and likely never will be anything but explosive.

Despite a more recent air of calm, I have always, at my core, been filled with an anger I cannot wholly contain, and it comes out as angry tears and inarticulate, high pitched shouting.

This time though, somehow, I manage to breathe first.

They look at me in a way I have come to know far too well; Though they're red in the face and panicked, there's a certain... excitement they're eliciting from all of this.

From knowing they might get yelled at.

That they may have finally gotten what they've feared and hoped to avoid, but perhaps secretly wanted to happen all along.

And that gives me pause.

That makes me pull back.

To walk away now would prove them right, but to stay would mean subjecting myself to more of their spiraling doubts and misplaced blame.

I get that familiar, pocket of air in my chest, and my heart seems to slow in its rapid beating, until my limbs feel cool, but not entirely numb.

It's the realization of a hard truth, a shock, a strange sense of clarity in a moment of nervous mental chatter.

"I'm tired." I say, inhaling deeply, "...I'm tired of this."

"I knew you'd say that," they start, "No one can handle my-"

I sniff sharply and shift as if to leave, but I don't.

Instead, I look them in the eyes.

"You know what bothers me most about you? It's that you think you're so perfectly broken that no one can help you, that you're so uniquely damaged that nothing anyone could ever do could make you feel even remotely better." I say, "You don't want people to leave you, but you never let anyone get close, even after so many years, I barely know anything about you, but you know me so well you can hurt me in such specific fucking ways..."

"I-"

"...You lash out in fear and anger, and use your mental health as an excuse to avoid giving a genuine apology, but you still want to be forgiven... or maybe you want exactly what you claim you're afraid of; For people to get fed up and tired and decide you're not worth it, to make them question if they're the one in the wrong for not trying harder...."

Their mouth wags and tries to form words, but I cut them short, again.

"I'm allowed to be done." I stand up straighter, rolling my shoulders as I trying to force more air into my lungs, hiding the shudder of my breath, "...How you've been treating me, fuck, and I've been talking you down from the ledge this whole time..."

"Do you want-"

My fist strikes their stomach first.

I don't have have the reach to hit their face.

"Don't even fucking start on the 'do you want me to die' shit right now! This ain't about you! For fucking once learn to apologize instead of trying to take the easy out and guilt trip me into submission you bitch!"

The slap I send across their face has the subtle hesitation of not wanting to hurt a friend, but the full send and desperation of a creature backed into a corner.

"Hit me." they hiss and cough, "Hit me again, see what happens-"

My jaw clenches.

"Oh, buddy, I know what's going to happen."

I grab the side of their head by the hair.

"Because I've been thinking about doing this for so long."

[just-some-guy-joust]

this is the amedeo post

shoving this under the cut so people who could not give a fuck about my silly lil ocs do not have to deal with the hell i am about to unleash. this is going to be long. you've been warned. if you actually read all this i'm kissing you on the lips. This is 24 paragraphs long

(TW for: Emotional abuse/manipulation, murder <3, demons/monsters, and general just fucked up shit his story is not a pleasant one)

(all art is by me unless stated otherwise. all links on character names lead to their Toyhou.se profiles)

THIS IS AMEDEO KENZIE AND HE'S THE WORLDS SADDEST MOST PATHETIC MAN. ABSOLUTE WET MOP. Basic info. Age: 27-30. Pronouns: He/it (gender? don't worry about it. Calls itself a man and uses masc terms but the gender is a mystery). Occupation: Twitch streamer?? College student. Whatever it's not important. Height: 6'1

Amedeo is a member of his college's Gamer Club, run by his now-roommate Kazooie. Amedeo loves this club SOOOO much it's the best place in the world to be and all of his friends are in it <3 But none of them really like him :( He's kind of an annoying lil bastard and he does not realize this and he doesn't understand why nobody wants to hang out with him. He doesn't realize violating their boundaries and making them feel guilty when they're not nice to him and insisting that if he's nice to them they have to be nice to him and never letting them speak, none of this is how friendship works, he doesn't know nobody ever told him! So his biggest goal is to figure out how to be the best friend in the world, without knowing how friendship is even supposed to work. He just loves love so much.

The plot of the story it's in starts when Viorel, a demon prince from the monster world, is found very lost and confused with no memories by Aiden, another member of the club. Viorel's very curious about the club so Aiden invites him and Amedeo's sooo happy cause that's a new friend! Unfortunately for everyone involved, Viorel's appearance in the human world was not an isolated event. For weeks Viorel deals with them contacting him when he doesn't know who they even are and frankly it's quite frustrating. They seem to want him dead. He doesn't know why. He doesn't really care, he has robotics homework to do.

Amedeo is unaware that Viorel has enemies.

When Vivian takes Amedeo aside and so sweetly offers him the secret to being the best friend possible and maybe some kisses in exchange for information on Viorel... how could he refuse? All she wanted was for him to tell her so many personal details about Viorel, all of which Amedeo obviously knew already, friends don't hide secrets :) So he knows everything about Viorel, whether or not they're aware he knows! He'd happily stalk Viorel learn more about Viorel for her if she asked! She's so beautiful and she can help Amedeo with his friendship problems, of course of course of course. So she hands him a funny orange drink in a bottle and tells him it'll magically make him a better friend, and sends him on his way. He drinks it all. A week passes and he goes back to visit her every day.

Aiden gets kidnapped. It was ok in the end. Viorel saved them. They're fine. They ended up fine. It wasn't Amedeo's fault. It couldn't have been Amedeo's fault. Vivian didn't tell it that's why she wanted Aiden in that specific location at that specific time that WASN'T its fault, it led them there knowing she would be there too but it WASN'T ITS FAULT. Does she want to hurt its friends? No she wouldn't, she's trying to HELP. Right? Of course she is. The "friendship potions" as Amedeo's been calling them, they've HELPED. Everyone treats him differently now :) It's subtle but that must still mean it's doing something. Nobody knows Amedeo helped with Aiden's kidnapping so why should it stop? Vivian wants more from it and it. It loves her and what she's doing for it. She asks for more. She always asks for more.

Those funny lil potions are definitely having an affect and everyone can tell now. Everyone knows. His eyes are shaped like hearts, fangs start to grow in, little bug wings pop out of his back, his fingers are becoming claws. Everyone knows. Something is wrong and everyone knows. They avoid him even more now. When he enters the room everyone gets quieter and looks away. He doesn't understand.

It's not working! As he gets worse and worse everyone hates him more than they already did. His mood swings are getting more violent and he can see it happening but he can't make it stop. Why the fuck would he want it to stop? This is what he wanted it's not HIM it's THEM. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THEM. WHY WON'T THEY UNDERSTAND HE'S DOING ALL OF THIS FOR THEM WHY WON'T THEY LOOK AT HIM ANYMORE??? IT'S THEIR FUCKING FAULT HE'S LIKE THIS!!! HE NEVER WANTED TO HURT THEM THEY MADE HIM DO IT WHEN THEY WOULDN'T LOOK AT HIM WHEN THEY REFUSED TO EVEN SAY HELLO IT'S THEIR FAULT THAt Eden ends up in the hospital because she tried to ask him if he was ok and he attacked her.

It's taken to a vote and it is officially kicked out of the club. So it leaves. It doesn't know where to go, so it goes the only place it can think of. Right back to Vivian.

He explains thinking maybe she'd understand or help or just tell him what went wrong. But she's... different now. Instead of doting on him and telling him how wonderful she thinks he is, she seems bored. Unimpressed. Annoyed. Finally she cuts him off, asking him if he's really so useless now. Before he can even respond, she shoves one more potion down his throat, finishing the transformation he's been going through over all these weeks. She hadn't been helping him with his friendship problems at all. The potions had slowly been turning him into a demon, a mindless creature, a monster that's so much easier to control.

(art/design by @hershelchocolateart)

She almost kills him afterwards too, she doesn't have much need for a demon she already has hoards of them, but her partner, Engel, decides he's much more fun this way and keeps him around as a pet <3 Their giant 6'3 demonic cat <3 They think he's so sweet and lovable like this <3 How ironic that the first time anyone ever thinks he's fun to be around is when he's not even himself anymore.

For a while that's all that really happens. Engel keeps it around cause it's so fluffy soft and cute and sometimes they let it go wander and it brings back corpses like a cat leaving a dead lizard as a gift for their owner except worse because those are human people. They think it's awesome of it <3

Vivian HATES not having a use for him tho she still thinks he's annoying as fuck so Engel agrees to let her try to "make him useful". She does what she does best: Sends him to go kill Viorel. But he's not even good at that. He gets into the manor where they're staying with Aiden and waits until they're all asleep and goes to kill them. But Amedeo is just a silly little creature now. He doesn't have a thought behind those heart shaped eyes. He hears a noise, and goes to follow it. It's Aiden, going to their room for the night.

Viorel wakes up to Aiden's screams, and gets to them too late. Amedeo is already tearing them apart.

Viorel, as a demon prince, has the interesting ability to force a demon to switch forms, and what better revenge for finding a demon killing your partner than to switch him back and force him to look at what he's done. And he's just killed one of his friends! Amedeo panics, saying he can fix this, please god just let him try to fix it, and pulls out one of Vivian's potions. Between Viorel being incredibly violent with him and his shaky hands, he can't even get the potion to Aiden before dropping it, shattering the glass and splashing it all over their corpse and their computer which had fallen next to them during the struggle. What a waste.

(Little does Amedeo know, he did save them, in some kind of way. It was enough. Aiden may not be alive but they're still living in their computer now thanks to this. But that's a different rant entirely)

Amedeo barely gets away from Viorel alive, but it's just out of the frying pan into the fire for him. Vivian finds him again, puts him back into demon form, and brings him back home <3 He'd had only a short amount of time to be a person again and he'd spent all of that time having a panic attack. 👍

Ok. Cool. So I've just explained Amedeo's main plot over 15 paragraphs. Do you understand how insane about him I am yet? There's more I'm not even done but I'm not gonna drag this out dramatically like I did for all that LAISDHASDLIU

Basically, Amedeo is eventually saved from Vivian and Engel by Vidette, Viorel's sister who can also force demons to switch forms, but she's not as good at it. Amedeo ends up in a state sort of in between human and demon.

^ I might change some things about it, this is older art, but like. Like This

His legs fucked, his hand's weird, one of his eyes is shaped and the other isn't, he has so many problems now congratulations to this guy for becoming disabled. I'll give him a crutch to help with that leg at Some Point prommy <3

Vidette drops Amedeo off back at Aiden's manor (awkward as fuck) because she knows Viorel is there and thinks she can help him. She is so unaware of the horrors. Amedeo kind of just stays in the backyard unsure what to do for several days before Eden (who also lives there) finds him and invites him inside to actually eat food and take a nap. At this point Amedeo is so convinced he's unlovable, Vidette and Eden being nice to him kind of breaks his mind. In a good way. In a "ohhhh THIS is how friendship was supposed to work this entire god damn time" kind of way. He understands now. Eden lets him stay (much to Viorel and Aiden's disgust but whatever they can tolerate him) so he has a mostly safe place to work through his issues and figure out how the fuck to be a good person. Good for him good for him!

He gets a very funny arc where Viorel, Aiden, and Eden have to leave the manor so Amedeo has to stay and babysit the other demon and the 7 year old living in the house and it's just. Amedeo's no good awful terrible horrible no good very bad day. He is not a responsible adult. The 7 year old loves to bite and maim. And other demon in the house eats the drywall constantly. It's a disaster but the manor doesn't collapse so I'd call that a success.

Eventually Amedeo moves back in with Kazooie, who is the only person who has ever genuinely loved to be around him and has missed him So So Much, and they get to be besties again <3

Vivian shows up again after her millionth plan to kill Viorel doesn't work and she decides to just do it herself, but Amedeo kills her instead. We love it when a gayboy gets to kill its abuser. Get fucked idiot.

That's pretty much it Amedeo gets to spend the rest of the story just chilling and people actually like hanging out with it now because it's learned how to not be annoying and mean and I love it so fucking much and I'm so proud of it. The end

If you have gotten this far somehow and you have questions about Amedeo and the story, please god do not send them to this blog this is supposed to be a lovecore competition blog please send them to my OC blog @oc-cinematic-universe IALSUDHASUILDh but don't feel obligated to ask at all, I'm adding this just in case. I'm trying so hard to keep this blog clean and organized I swear-