#if they just had a message they would write a book yknow???

[francesderwent]

anybody who’s trying to make a career out of spreading the Gospel without the prolonged, committed, relationship-building aspect that you’d have as a teacher or a pastor…I’m biting you

[burst-of-iridescent]

You literally called aang an incel and constantly mock him, how do you not hate him.

well yknow if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck... you are actually allowed to call it a duck.

aang kisses katara without asking for consent. aang nods when katara is called "the avatar's girl" in the ember island play, even though at this point they are not in an established romantic relationship. aang gets so angry at a satirized version of katara showing romantic interest in someone else that he outright says he would've gone into the avatar state if not for his blocked chakras. aang demands to know why katara won't enter a relationship with him. aang kisses katara without her consent, again, even though she has just explicitly said that she's confused. aang never apologizes for any of this.

that is exactly the sort of toxic, possessive, and entitled behaviour that characterizes an incel.

and that infuriates me, because book 1 and 2 aang - whose crush on katara was shy and harmless, who wore flower crowns and made necklaces and never once cared about gender roles - would never have acted this way. it's the writers who turned him into an incel and never had him learn and do better, and it is that very writing i am criticizing when i criticize aang. i truly don't know how much clearer i can make this.

loving a character doesn't mean that you never acknowledge their flaws, or missteps in how they were written. i love azula, zuko and katara, but i have discussed all of their flaws on this blog at one point or another. that's just what it means to engage critically with the media you consume. and sure, i criticize aang the most, but that's because out of everyone in atla, he got done the dirtiest when it came to his character arc.

ultimately, it doesn't matter what i say about aang, because it's never going to hurt him. he isn't real. but the messages about appropriate behaviour in romantic relationships that are being imparted through his character (in the latter half of book 3 particularly) to impressionable young children? those very much are.

and they need to be better.

[miumura]

MY PENPAL — WAIT WHAT?!

39 - lets date? (written)

WC : 1.3K+ ; NOT PROOFREAD!!

warnings : kissing (more like a peck), sunghoon and yn being lovey dovey 🤷‍♀️

since hari left, you and sunghoon have become closer. you didn’t know why you were so distant from him before—maybe you were just afraid of hari ruining something again. now with her out of the way, everything went back to normal. you guys were still competitive with each other but this time you were “friends”.

i guess you can say you guys are in the “talking stage”. whenever he sees you, he always compliments you and gives you paper hearts with little messages in them.

“me + u = love”

in the heart, there’s picture of two stick figures holding hands

“this could be us”

“you’re the only one i need”

pretty romantic, yet cheesy. but hey, who wouldn’t get so giddy over notes such as this? you’ve collected over 50 of those notes by now. that’s what crushes do to you.

you weren’t gonna lie—you waited for sunghoon to confess. it’s been a while, all these notes weren’t going to be enough. you wanted to be in a relationship despite your ups and downs with him. but you totally understand if he would want to take it slow, after hari entering your lives out of nowhere.

you didn’t mind waiting for him.

as usual, sunghoon meets you in front of your locker. he’s been sticking around with you lately, it makes your other friends scowl at him sometimes.

not to mention, your friends and his friends are pretty much sick of you guys already. it’s like you’re basically doing a couple things but you aren’t even dating yet.

but that didn’t matter. as long as they were supportive, that was more than enough. it just means that they approve so you wouldn’t pay that much mind to their comments.

“morning yn” sunghoons voice made you smile.

“morning hoon”

he watched you put books into your bag. it was kind of heavy—sunghoon noticed it as well.

“i can carry your bag for you” sunghoon reaches out to get your bag. now your stomach flipped upside down. him? willing to carry your bag? just for you? unbelievable.

its all because of these small actions that make you fall for him even more.

“oh um yeah sure go ahead” you awkwardly said. you swore you mentally slapped yourself in the face for being so nervous like that.

“let’s go to class then?”

“alright! but also geez what books are you carrying everyday to make this bag so heavy?”

it was the end of the day—the bell rang. you planned on walking home with sunghoon but unfortunately you had a club meeting today.

you tapped sunghoons shoulder, “i can’t walk with you today. yknow, club meeting. sorry!” you wore an apologetic expression.

he pats your head, “it’s fine no worries. have fun in that club meeting, yeah?”

he waves goodbye to you as he grabs his bag to leave. he seemed like he was in a rush but you let him be.

as you were bored out of your mind during your club meeting, you suddenly remembered about your penpal, sunghoon.

you wondered if he knew. he hasn’t told you anything about his penpal, which was understandable. you thought of ways of possibly trying to tell him. maybe you’ll write him a letter and say you’re his penpal? or you’ll send that love playlist again?

you continued to think until a voice brought you back from your thoughts.

“and that concludes our meeting! you may leave now, have a great day!”

you rushed out to check your mailbox. he still wrote you letters everyday, which makes you kind of blush a bit. a matter fact, you almost blush at everything he does. it’s a problem, you knew that.

as usual, you saw the blue envelope. you smiled to yourself, putting it into your bag. you planned on reading it once you got home. you immediately rushed back to your house.

wasting no time, you quickly got out of your school clothes into your pajamas. you opened the envelope carefully—you didn’t rip the heart sticker.

as you saw the letter, your eyes widened.

“to luvvie. . or should i say yn?

you must be surprised, i know. how did i find out? well, i found out a while ago. i remember seeing you with a blue envelope in your hand while you went to your locker to read it. you had such a huge smile when you read it—it made feel happy too. i think that was the first time i realized i liked you.

i know we both like each other but we are too scared to take the first step. so, i’ve decided to do so! if you still want to take it slow, i understand :)

here are some reasons of why/how i fell for you <3

1. your smile

- whenever you laugh at my silly jokes or anything really, i start getting butterflies. i would do anything to see you smile like that.

2. our arcade “date”

- i remember how i got you so many plushies there. you laughed and smiled so much, i was really proud of myself. i would definitely clear out the whole arcade if it means i get to see that beautiful smile again <3

3. random pics you would send

- you would send me sm pics, whether it be your ootd, where you’re at, or just selfies at a funny angle. those always bring my mood up so continue what you’re doing <3 ps: i save every single selfie you send, i even have an album ^^

4. our bond

- despite us hating each others guts in the past (or did we?), we got along with each other really well. we had the same interests and you were just an easy person to talk to. i just feel very comfortable around you !

i can go on and on but the letter would eventually get too long </3

if you’re reading this, you’ve reached very far! now that you’re here…

lets date?”

lets say, you were shocked. i mean, you were waiting for this for a while yet you still can’t believe it. he knew all along, no wonder why he didn’t bring it up.

you smiled. you automatically went to get some letter paper and wrote something back.

“to: SH..or sunghoon <3

your letter made me smile very much—i think thats a crime! you didn’t even have to include the reasons of why you fell for me—i would have been okay with the “lets date” part only ^^

since you’ve included 4 reasons, i should do the same!

what made me fall for you <3

1. your presence

- theres something about it. its very comforting, you make me feel like im at home. i can’t believe we argued so much last year. but, i guess that rivalry helped us become even more closer!

2. you at our arcade date

- i still have all the plushies you got me from that day. i did get butterflies when you said you would clear the whole claw machines for me. i’ll be looking forward to that day again, yeah?

3. your gifts

- to get me on your “good” side again (ps: i forgave you already), you kept getting me gifts. sometimes they were not much, but i still appreciated them. the paper hearts, i still have them! they are kept in this small box of mines. i hope you don’t stop giving me those <3

4. how caring you are

- you always looked out for me. when i got sick, needed notes, forgot my lunch, etc, you always got my back. i loved that <3

just like you; i can go on and on. but that would make my letter too long, right?

anyways ^^

of course, let’s date :)”

you finished up your letter and this time, you included the playlist you were supposed to give him.

you gave him this letter in person, and let me tell you, he smiled so hard.

he gave you a big hug and even a peck on your forehead. in return, you gave him a peck on his cheek. maybe it was a little too fast—but hey, you guys took too long to get together.

“took us long enough” you giggled at him.

“it took way too long. let’s go on our first date, shall we?”

“i’d love that.”

besides the obstacles that came along both of your ways, he was finally yours, you were finally his.

previous | next | masterlist

A/N : why am i so lonely

ENHA PERM TAGLIST OPENED !

@son4taa @luvhooniez @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @luveuly @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie

PERM TAGLIST . .

@ahnneyong @hanienie

TAGLIST [OPENED]

- ask / dm to be tagged in my penpal — wait what?!

bolded = can’t tag </3

@/son4taa, @lilactangerine , @/hanienie, @/yenqa , @cloudcutter , @4soobinonly , @/luvhooniez, @wonioml , @adajoemaya , @vampsvngie , @wanna-live-yn-life , @sukunasrealgf , @/ilovewonyo, @invusblog , @/ahnneyong, @viagumi , @/dimplewonie , @nobodyshallenter, @luvvtxinityy , @captivq , @jeongintwt , @mutlishipperfangirl , @/shinsou-rii, @sd211 , @ineedaherosavemeenow , @oyihcc, @hell1cy , @iloveoceaneyesss , @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs , @sansluvr , @s0ye0nswife , @jiawji , @xiaoderrrr , @dxlicateee , @zomyy, @drema-little-dreamof-me, @harmxlovee, @jaeh-yun , @luvdokja , @smg-valeria , @chaewon-slays , @yjjungwon , @kyrkitten

[koshirulynn]

-Use me to get over him-

High school AU-Mysta Rias x reader-pt2 of 'As you wish'

In which your friendship between you and your classmate gets confusing. With your crush showing mixed signs and your classmate makes his move.

(Please do not take this seriously. This is for fun and fun only. If any streamer comes across this I apologize! Anyways please enjoy!!"

--Recap--

"I see I see, did you get their number?Hehe"

"Shit,I didn't"

"Ah it should be fine, you could always get it tomorrow yknow"

"Yknow what, I actually will"

-The next day-

Munching on your favorite meal for breakfast is the best thing that has happened to you all this week. Other than the news of what your crush had brought upon you, you still couldn't help but still like him. Human emotions were something confusing to everyone, you knew that you would find yourself eventually.

With your headphones on the table and your textbook at the side, you decided to take a small break from reading the book and look on social media. Ignoring the irrelevant people like your annoying cousins you realize that you have like 7 messages from the same person. Your science lab partner, Shu Yamino.

--

Shu.YaMinion69: Mysta has something to ask you later

Shu.YaMinion69:*insert meme*

Shu.YaMinion69:Also I need help with the science homework-

Shu.YaMinion69:BTW C/n texted me to tell you that he will meet you in the 'place where he pulled you last time'

Shu.YaMinion69:I think he is a weirdo but like he could have texted you instead of me

Shu.YaMinion69:You need to tell me about whatever he meant, we have science tomorrow so yes

Shu.YaMinion69:Look at this

Shu.YaMinion69:*insert reel*

--

Reading the texts, you found it also odd that C/n texted Shu instead of you. You follow him on nearly every social platform there is and you guys also did text before because of projects and homework. It was truly weird to you but in reality, this guy was only using you to get closer to R/n. He just didn't want to be in your dm's because he knew that R/n was the jealous type. She would accuse him of cheating even if the texts shared between the two parties were from just two weeks before they started dating. She was that delusional.

Noticing the time, you replied to Shu quickly and shoved your books in your bag. Plugging your headphones in and slid on your shoes. You began your cold morning to school. 'how enjoyable.'

--

The day was going far too normal for your liking well that was until you were pulled into the janitor's closet. 'this is definitely C/n's doings' You thought to yourself but only to be proven wrong when you heard the unique voice of Mysta Rias himself.

"Heyy um Hi Y/n" The grip on your wrist was bearable but still it was tight. You gave him a confused look before opening your mouth.

"Mysta? Why did you pull me in here-hehe I thought that you were c/n"You chuckled to yourself at the thought of your crush but remembered again about what he told you the day before.

"Well, that's kinda the- actually no. I wanted to ask you for your number" His tone set you off, he looked a bit frantic but what he was asking you was something much different. You saw a pen in the pocket of his buttoned shirt so you took it. Next thing Mysta knew, you were scribbling the digits of your number on the back of his hand.

The fox-like boy kept looking at the door but the grip on your wrist had loosened a bit."Why are you so scared?"You questioned Mysta while you finished writing the last three numbers.

"There is something I wanted to ask of you and I did?"He scratched the back of his head with his other hand. Seemingly that he was still nervous around you, you let go of his hand.

"Why so unsure? anyways I want to eat my fo-"

"WAIT! Uh I mean I saw two students making out in the classroom beside and I just don't want you to see that cause they were getting into it. All SLOPPY yeah- and it just was a stomach-churning scene hehe" It was like Mysta was lying between his teeth cause he latched onto your wrist once more.

"We've both seen Shoto and Vox get all sloppy at that one party before, I think I can take thi-" He squeezed your wrist tighter.

"Trust me, it is bad, let's just wait another 5 minutes please.."He was really begging you to not go even though he got your number. Sighing in defeat, you just gave in to him.

"Okay Mysta, you win" you smiled at him and the male student in front of you returned the favor, letting go of you once again.

There were still 15 minutes of lunch left so both you and Mysta decided that the coast was clear now. Mysta even double-checked by looking both left and right as he poked his head out of the janitor's closet.

--

As you parted ways, Mysta whipped out his phone and Dm'ed Shu.

MystariasRias: I found C/n and R/n making out in the spare, empty classroom beside the janitor's closet and Y/n was gonna walk by.

Seen

--

There were many incidents where Mysta had to pull you aside to prevent you from seeing R/n and C/n kissing, hugging, and doing couple things in the open. This was happening for the rest of the week and you questioned it after the second time Mysta did it.

You were going to the canteen/cafeteria but then you were stopped once you saw Mysta across the hall. This just made you turn to face the other side and walk the longer route.

He was speed-walking to you but you honestly didn't want to be pulled aside once more. 'Not this again' You internally groaned to yourself because you knew that you would end up being in a secluded area with Mysta and miss out on half of your lunch again.

"Y/n wait!-" you were tugged into the embrace of the fox-like boy but your eyes met with familiar ones. It was C/n but looking down, you saw R/n holding his hand, fingers interlocked.

"Oh Hi Y/n, uh we have to get going, goodbye" You were devastated, you found your own rival with your crush. Well, now ex-crush. She always takes whoever you liked in the end. 'How tiring' They were heading in the direction you came from, looking at the as they passed by. R/n looked back and waved while smiling at you then she continued to follow C/n.

Pulling into a hug, Mysta stroked your hair while you just stay there in shock. You were still processing what just had happened. Thinking that all those times, Mysta was protecting you from seeing your own crush with your rival. The person who betrayed you.

Once the information processed in, you began to tear up and cry. Your arms tightened around him, pulling you in by the waist as you let all your emotions erupt. It was comforting as it lasted, you wanted to stay in his warm embrace but he pulled you into the classroom where C/n and R/n had come from. It was where your next class was.

"Use me to get over him"

Mysta,who was hugging you. It was all friendly as you let go of all your frustrations. His hands were wrapped around you like he was protective of you. Then and there,you realised that Mysta was the one who like you for you.

In a whispered tone, the fox like male hushed you with his welcoming voice.

"as you wish"

In all honesty, this was really short and not really well made because I have been sick for the past 2 weeks . I hope you guys enjoyed it regardless <3

--Use me to get over him-pt2 done--

taglist: @yukkitosposts , @gh0stwrl , @hisanory2702

[aemehhh]

Heya! I don’t usually wrote requests so sorry if I come off as awkward😅 I was wondering if you could write a small thing about gorino being with someone who’s insecure about their height

I’m 5’10 and sometimes I just feel down about it Yknow? I don’t feel desirable because guys prefer short girls or whatever, if this is to much you can completely ignore this. I do really enjoy your work btw<33

YAY!! I got my first ever request!!! :D

It's definitely not too much to ask, I think this is an amazing request! I had to ask some of my tall girlie friends about their experiences, because I am on the opposite end of the height-spectrum 💀 This is also a little rushed, so I'm sorry if it doesn't meet your expectations!

Also, I am so sorry I took so long to write the request! I hope you had a wonderful start to the new year!

Little message to the Readers in general; I just want everybody to know, you're absolutely gorgeous, no matter your height!!!

Giorno is ~20 and Reader and him are engaged, so it's an established relationship :3

Giorno with a tall! fem! Reader

Wc: 905, a short lil thing!

———————————————————————

This day was genuine ass. You went shopping with you friend and genuinely couldn't find a single piece of clothing that looked good or that fit right. Jeans that looked perfect on your shorter friend were way above your ankle on yourself and the long-sleeved shirts you tried, since winter is approaching, just looked so weird on you. You didn't even attempt to look for shoes, instead you told your friend you were going home because of an "emergency".

And there you were, sitting on your bed, cuddled up in a blanket and reading a book in order to distract you from the loud voice of insecurity that rang in the back of your head. Turns out the book wasn't helping, though.

It was a regular romance book, sappy as shit and a slow-burn. Usually you ate these up like crazy, but the main character was described as a short, beautiful woman. There it was again; having to lean up on your tip-toes to kiss your partner, your partner looking down at you, all those things that were considered super cutesy and desirable. You weren't that. You threw the book on the bedside table with a mad huff, throwing your blanket over your head.

Fuck, no, you're literally taller than your beautiful, angel of a fiancé. You lean down slightly when you kiss him, and you don't have to stand on your tip-toes in order to hug him. You just knew the nonnas on the streets send judging looks your way when they see you two holding hands.

Speaking of your fiancé, he entered your shared bedroom, seemingly home from whatever job he had today. You were aware Giorno most-likely already knew you didn't buy anything today; you've seen his subordinate follow you around the whole time. To be frank, you kinda signed up for constant supervision when you started dating the Don of Passione.

"Cara mia, are you alright?" Giorno spoke softly, he always does so with you. His voice held the upmost adoration for you; a tone nobody got to hear, but you. He knelt down on the floor by your bedside and lifted your blanket slightly to look at you. His beautiful, bright eyes met yours as he took your hand into his.

"Just a bad day, don't mind me, my love." You spoke and sat up. You felt Giorno's hand grasp yours just a tad tighter.

"I do mind, though. Something is bothering you, I can see that clear as day. Alessandro told me you didn't get yourself anything today either. What's the matter, amore? Please let me know so I can take some of the burden off of your heart." Giorno reached up and put his hand on your cheek oh-so gently. His touch was full of love, as usual.

You averted your gaze to your sheets. You felt stupid for thinking the way you do. You know all too well that Giorno loves you more than anything in this world, but you don't feel as desirable as other women. They would look so much better by his side, so why did he choose you?

You were silent for a little while, but then you started to feel guilty. Not telling him would make him feel as though you didn't trust him, which you did. So, you took a deep breath and told him everything. You spoke about your shopping trip; how it made you insecure about your height again and then about how your book made it worse. All in all, your head really wasn't up in the clouds and by the end, you almost had tears pricking in the corner of your eyes, which you tried masking by blinking a lot and looking at the ceiling.

Giorno noticed, of course. He stroked your cheek gently and pressed a kiss to the back of your hand before he spoke again.

"Amore, you're the most beautiful woman that has walked this earth. I do not care about your height in the slightest. I love you more than I have ever loved anything ever before. If these measly, cheap stores do not carry clothes appropriate for you, I will hire the designers personally to tailor the perfect clothing for you. If someone looks at you the wrong way, consider them dead tomorrow. There is nothing that would stop me from making sure you're comfortable and happy. You're the light of my life, the ray of sunshine in the early mornings of a beautiful summer day and I wish, I so wish you would see yourself in the way that I see you. You're perfect to me in every way, my love. Just seeing you smile makes my heart fill with so much joy, I wish to scream it out to the whole world. Sono pazzo di te, tesoro." Giorno's voice was filled with sincerity as he put a hand to your chin, gently tilting your head to face his eyes again. He then smiled and gave you a gentle peck on the lips before getting on the bed on top of you to hug you tightly.

Giorno's words made you smile as you returned his embrace, croaking out a quiet "I love you" before burying your head in the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

In a world that doesn't see your worth, Giorno worships the very ground you walk on. He vows to do so until the day he dies.

[lactoesfreee]

not to defend Harlow, but his verse does not strike me as misogynistic AT ALL.

the line people refer to when they say that he is misogynistic says:

I had one girl (One girl), too boring Two girls (Two girls), that was cool for me Three girls, damn, dude's horny Four girls, okay, now you whorin'

People don’t seem to get that he’s calling HIMSELF a whore. He’s calling HIMSELF horny. Not the girls.

When I seen that body, you would think it was a dead body. The way I told my boys, come look

This lyric could definitely be said in a different way, but basics what he means is that the girl is so gorgeous it shocked him, like how how a dead body would shock a person. Like you’d think he’s looking at a dead body when you see the expression on his face when he sees her. It’s also a Boyz 2 men reference. Anyways, He’s so shocked at her beauty, that he tells his friends to come look and see for themselves.

Please don’t take this message badly, I didn’t mean to send this with the intention of offending you or anything, I’m just seeing so many people misunderstanding the lyrics it’s almost funny to me. Also, as someone who listens to a lot of hip hop, don’t ever take Jack Harlow seriously. He’s the most unserious rapper out there right now, so when I heard he was on the track, I already knew this song was gonna be campy.

Sorry for writing a whole book in your asks!

Ah, i figured theyd be talking about that line about being a whore hahah. for me, i knew he was referring to himself as a whore, but it grosses me out because he's collecting women like dolls because having just 1 is boring to him. and in the music video, theyre all wearing the same exact thing and following him around which feels like he doesn't care that theyre individuals, he just sees hot women to fuck yknow? thats my personal take tho, i assume its standard Jack Harlow stuff and he's not the only one that does it of course lol.

the dead body one surprises me, it doesnt feel misogynistic just a bad line skjdfsdf like i interpreted it as a play on 'drop dead gorgeous' but said really corny hahah.

i dont take it badly! i like having these conversations, and since i deleted twitter yesterday ive been dyin to know what people think of it so i've been seeking out opinions! im not someone that enjoys overtly sexual songs myself usually, so im kinda picky with the songs i listen to since it seems like so much mainstream music is sexual. but i respect people who make sexual music and listen to it! i think that theres better ways to go about it than how jack did, but i suppose it coulda been worse pff

[trashlie]

For the ILY pod have y’all thought of making bite size tiktoks or shorts for those who can’t really listen to two and four hour eps? Lots of ND listeners who can’t sit still for that long :(

Elle has been working on taking parts of our pod to shorten specifically for tiktok and shorts! But unfortunately we are... yknow... very verbose people who talk at length and sometimes it's hard to chop things down /o\ It turns out that youtube shorts have a very hard limit of one minute that tiktok does not (I didn't know this, I don't use tiktok myself!) so Elle has had to manipulate the audio a little to make it work for the shorts. As a fellow ND who cannot sit and listen to things (rip to audio books they just aren't for me) I get it! ;~; the pod isn't scripted, so we could try to explore how we might rehash some dialog? I know Elle tries to make more bitesize portions of our pod but with both of us working full time jobs it gets hard to dedicate a lot of time to doing a lot of splicing and dicing editing that I really wish we could do because I truly get it! (I'm constantly surprised that people actually listen to 2-3 hour episodes lmao although I tend to assume a lot of people don't do it in one sitting. I would actually be curious how people take those episodes in!)

But I'll pass this message along to Elle and we can try to get more edited bitesize clips for you guys! I promise it's not that we don't want to or anything; we're just very tired people who ended up doing a very low-rent podcast because it was, frankly, the least time-consuming way to blab about ILY lmaooooooooo compared to, yknow, writing essays back and forth but I totally get what it's like to be on the receiving end as someone who CANNOT focus on audio esp for extended periods of time!

This should be our tiktok account! (Please let me know if I linked wrong lmao like I said, I don't have an account and tiktok limits what you can do without one lol) I hope that helps a little in the mean time! <3

[fitfdeluxe]

my essays today were OH MY GOD got to school got the exam it was all set up i open it up. the topic is assigned from the government of alberta and no one is allowed to know what it is until we open the book at 9 am when the exam starts. and i’m thinking oh it can’t be THAT bad yknow they release a few past topics that i’ve seen and they usually follow the same formula yknow something about perseverance the effect other people have the effect loneliness has something along those lines. can connect it to human connection wham bam thank you ma’am. NOT THIS TIME!!! THIS topic was SO DUMB it was like. discuss the ideas in you selected text about the effect generosity has on an individual’s process of recovery. like WHATTTT does that even MEAN. literally when we opened our books you could sense when everyone finished reading the topic bc the air literally shifted and you could see people start to panic. like. we had to write something about something we covered in english so like a selection of short stories, 1984, or tim burtons big fish and NONE OF THEMMMM NONE have ANYTHINGGG to do with the topic literally in any way. one of the short stories we read KIND OF applied to the topic but we read it wayyy back in november literally like november 15 we read it so i don’t remember ANYTHKNG from it. so i ended up writing on 1984 bc it’s the one i know best and i wrote like. ohhh ingsoc in 1984 twists language and the definition of generosity to fit their own narrative and tortures people to ‘recover’ them from the wrong side and bring them into the warm embrace of big brother and it’s all very generous. basically writing from the perspective of the party bc WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO i literally sat there for 40 minutes staring at the topic trying to think of what to write and that’s the best i could come up with. i’m really pushing my luck turning that heap of GARBAGE into the government i just hope my use of big words and ability to reword the same sentence 400 times in a row carries me to a big fat w

ok HELLO this was a journey . omg this is interesting though i’m not familiar with these kind of tests I WOULD LITERWLLY DIEEEEEEEEEEE like right there. this message made me realize how easy i have it

[twisted-tales-told]

5, 24, and 29 please <33

This ask game

5. My latest text message from someone is from Mot and it says: “if this ignites any sort of hockey interest I’m blaming Arik” which fair! I have in fact joined sophs Hockey goals of just spreading hockey love through artistic spaces!

24: do I have a collection of anything:

Well, I collect a lot of things. It’s kinda my pride and joy. I don’t want minimalism, and I see collecting things as a very beautiful self love thing of surrounding yourself in art and beauty for no purpose other than I deserve to live a beautiful life. My main things are, Books, Crystals, Prints, and scent-y things (oils, creams, perfumes, hair products) I am very fortunate that I have a little gift for finding good deals on things sometimes!

29. My biggest what it is, what if I’d decided to do my undergrad in Halifax at the university of Dalhousie. Id gotten into both their creative writing program and History program.

In the end it was a very good decision not to go, in my second year of uni my mother was diagnosed with both kidney disease and breast cancer, and I had to drop out of the program I chose to go with.

Now I’m back at Uni and I am in a great situation both academically and housing wise, but sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like yknow?

[hyenadon]

im just gonna type this post out bc no one will see it (dante and olivia might) but I just need these thoughts to be expressed. online. into the screaming void of the internet which is of course not a screaming void but whatever whatever

sometimes I feel so like. unbalanced in love. Like. its interesting and also maybe terrible? Its like I get love in giant hits but never consistently. And its all different types of love too and never at the same time, so it never like. it never really feels like i'm FULL on love. Like theres that one piece of writing from a cql fanfic, fuck, wait, let me find it

"Wei Ying has always had a heart that could swallow the universe whole, that would teeter over the precipice dividing love and war and leap blindly. He had resigned himself to the likelihood that no one would ever quite feel for him as he felt for them." I think thats by afterwords by silkwings but im pretty sure they deleted their fic

I just feel greedy for it sometimes, I feel starving for love, I feel like scrabbling at scraps for love. And sometimes (not all the time, sometimes) I feel like "no one would ever feel for [me] as [i] feel for them"

at the same time though i'm NOT scrabbling at scraps of love, i'm NOT.

I'm given love pretty consistently. When olivia and I have our silly little talks about dr who or er or temeraire thats just. well thats just olivia and I. thats the love we have. we talk and I love it and we can talk about the stupidest things but its just. its just a chance to hear each others voice and to say "hey I love you. talk to me about something that matters to you and I will listen."

and the same goes for dante but I feel like I am not sharing an interest with him and i'm seriously considering getting into lego boats or something just so we can share that. not out of guilt or anything like obligation. i just love talking to dante. I love sharing interests with him. I love when he talks abt the things he likes. and dante always responds to me with so much empathy and understanding. Whenever I have a bad time dante is like yeah bud I get you. I honestly feel like a tiny bit bad that i'm not into boats bc I can just see how much joy that brings dante and like...I wanna get in on that.

And like. again I am given love. Best example is mumma messaging me recently and just basically saying "oh, yeah, my first book is dedicated to you. You didn't know that? of course it was."

but in a way, way nicer phrasing, and in little shared pieces of jargon just between us. I cried on the train home yesterday.

I'm so rich in love from these people.

and sometimes my coworker lena, who cracks my back and hums "damn that sucks" when I complain about my rotten family. Shes brilliant she really gives as much as she can to love me its just.

But who else do I have? yknow? I know there are orher people who love me but who do I TRUST to love me? Who can I even LET love me? Certainly not my biofam. They don't even know me. It's never enough it will never be enough.

As much as my Mumma will love every poem and every story ive ever written, and how she will shower me with praise, and be proud of me just for getting out of bed and staying alive, I want Sheila Monahan to apologize, fuck, I want her to BEG for my forgiveness for how she treated me.

just like in general:

(apologize for hitting me. Apologize for smacking a vaccuum cord around my knees when I was like. 10, idk. apologize for constantly calling me a bitch or a cunt when I was in high school. I deserve so, SO many apologies from her. apologize for the time you saw me do poetry in front of 4k people and asked "when can i leave?")

AND HEY, SHEILA, APOLOGIZE FOR HITTING AND CALLING ME A MEAN BITCH ON MY FIRST SLEIGH BELLS CONCERT. I've never been to a bells concert since them and my only memory of them is tainted by you calling me a cunt. Sheila. you suck.

but the apology I want the most is just. Sorry I never listened to your writing. I just want my biomom to tell me my writing is lovely. Bc its the thing im good at, i'm ALWAYS good at writing. And when I did yearbook she never even read it.

At least my dad read it. I still don't trust that man, I think he's a coward for allowing my mother to be terrible to me, but he read my words, and liked them.

yearbook was beautiful. yearbook was a work of art I will never replicate.

And the people that matter love it. Olivia and dante have seen it and read it and love it.

My biological father actually loves it very much. He says it's rockstar material. He was gonna show it to his coworkers.

But Sheila didnt even read it. She didnt even read the parts where i tried to commit suicie multiple times. bc if she did she might have cornered me.

But god. I just think.

what a horrible family I have that my father will allow my mother to ignore my attempts.

What awful people.

what deeply awful humans.

[cosmicanamnesis]

OOhhh I would love to hear about your hate for the Scarlet Letter!! I read Wide Sargasso Sea from the list in the post and it was okay. Written like a classic so not always the easiest to understand. And I had to read it for a class, which usually make me dislike the books more. Crazy as I am getting a degree in English and literature classes are my favorite.

see that was the only one on the list i'd never actually heard of so i might have to look into it. but yeah i was in the "I'm Here For English/Art/Choir And Nothing Else" camp in school. most of the classics we had to read i either threw my whole ass into (see: The Grapes of Wrath) or i'd give it a couple chapters and then sparknotes it from there (sorry Great Gatsby. baz luhrmann made a very entertaining movie out of u tho)

anyway this song is called I Will Raise Nathaniel Hawthorne From The Grave Just To Kill Him Again (under a read more bc this literally does not matter nd if u liked The Scarlet Letter u can just scroll right on by)

fair warning: this is not a scholarly essay, this is a shitty opinion piece that i'm writing while drinking cheap shit that might maybe qualify as whiskey. that's what you're getting here.

anyway.

my beef with TSL has... frankly very little to do with the actual content of the story, other than the story is just dead fucking boring.

puritans as a subject are boring, esp if you grew up as a person being persecuted by The Church(tm) in modern america (i say, making my first unfounded broad sweeping generalization of the night). like, yeah, No Shit they were religious extremists, have you seen the legacy they left? in that way i can understand how the contemporary or modern reader is supposed to feel sympathetic towards hester. the story is presented like "look at these crazies, look how they treat their women and their community," as if we're not doing the same shit in a different font to this day. pick a point in american history, you'll find hester and pearl there because as a society by and large we have barely progressed.

not to mention the focus of the story is on hester's relationships with dimmesdale and chillingworth more than, yknow, her own development as a fully realized person (rather than a representaion of Theoretical Complexity; a person can be both Sinful and Virtuous). because she isn't one. neither is pearl. pearl, willful and impish, is the personification of hester's sin. pearl is a prop.

does that all make the story timeless? yes, in the worst possible way.

hawthorne explores what it means to be ostracized in the most, like, affluent white boy way. like a frat bro doing shrooms and discovering empathy, hawthorne wrote the scarlet letter to show the concept of Sin And Consequences in a way that other affluent white guys might actually pick up on and say hey yeah that is a little fucked and make them realize other people are, in fact, people. if you are not in that specific demographic (which i can only hope was a purposeful target audience to teach them that message and not hawthorne himself realizing this for the first time) the philosophy is pretty fuckin weak. or. not so much Weak as it is Shallow, but ultimately it's both.

all to say, i was pretty clearly not the target audience here, and i think i have a pretty valid reason to not give a fuck abt TSL. that is not the reason why i so passionately hate this book.

the town i'm from has a pretty significant mormon population. i don't know if you know anything about mormons, but basically, LDS tradition has rules clearly outlining under what circumstances a person is meant to be shunned by the church. one of those conditions is apostasy, when a member officially leaves or is forcibly removed from the church and is declared an apostate by the temple. why do i know this? my best friend for a long time went through this process when they were 16 and living with me because their family kicked them out for being queer. not too long after this, TSL was assigned reading, and the class i was in was like 80% Assorted Christian denominations, the major one being... ding ding ding the fucking mormons.

so. put yourself in my spot. you are having Teacher-Lead Discussions about the topics and morals in TSL and on one side you have queer kids, atheists, Intelligent Troublemakers, etc, and on the other side you have a Protestant Army led by a Mormon Vanguard. nothing will make you hate a book like a dozen kids with absolutely no self awareness.

that segment pretty much boiled down to

"wow can you believe how CrAzY the Church(tm) used to be? :P"

"uh... yeah... you haven't changed."

"WHAT? pshhh OUR denomination is Nothing like /that/, women can wear pants outside of church activities now!"

"ok how do you feel about adultery when one's husband is presumed dead?"

"well. uh."

so to conclude: the Scarlet Letter is a very shallow criticism of early american puritan doctrine and the way that it's treated as a deeply profound classic is more of a reflection on the modern White Patriarchy than it is on the Puritans. and dont get me wrong, i think it's a pretty good subject for a high school lit class, if for no other reason than it teaches kids to recognize how morals and ideals are passed down even over hundreds of years. its a perfect example of that.

book fuckin sucks tho

[lemondropletters]

@nobody33333333 oh gosh i- T-T that was so awesome!! bro the reynie angst was just what I needed 😭 you have filled a part of the hole in my heart ajdhab I absolutely loved how you described what reynie was thinking in that scene (and curtains reaction to it).

first off I loved how you explained the whisperer and how it needed a emotional connection point so that the messengers can trust the machine and in turn be under curtains control,,,I’m not sure if I somehow completely missed that in the show but either way reading your explanation finally made it click in my brain it was just really well done!

“And it felt very good to say it. Bleak House had been a delightful book, and there was something about the way the Whisperer asked Reynie the question that made him feel appreciated and validated, though he couldn’t really explain why.”

crying he is so precious 😭

curtain every time he hears something slightly similar to his brother reminds me of that one meme like, “my brother used to call me that.” “that’s because it’s yoUR NAME??” (I know in this case reynie is really similar to Benedict so it makes sense why curtain would think that way but It’s still funny to me lol)

“The comfort of finally knowing he wasn’t alone was wonderful. Reynie wanted it, more than anything…if he needed to remain in Dr. Curtain’s inner circle, then, he should give in a little, right? Just enough to prove his loyalty. It would be good thing… right?”

reynie beloved ToT that whole section was angst but this part sucker punched me in the gut…me just being like “yes reynie it would be a good thing be happy you deserve it” ignoring that curtain is still trying to take control over the world ajdhshd (I am slowly realizing I would not survive in the whisperer 💀)

10/10 reynie angst would read again. I’m gonna say this is my favorite chapter and it can’t get better then this…but also I have been saying that for every single chapter so…yknow 🧍‍♂️

some extra parts that were my favorite (besides the whole thing)

Madge POV was something I really didn’t realize I wanted lol also number two kidnapping them from the zoo is very in character

I know this was in the show but it gets me every time when Milligan is just “everyone has the power to change” and Nicholas is just ‘yes great point absolutely right Milligan. one problem though. killer bird.’

the sticky and reynie/curtain and nicholas parallels 😭

curtain needs therapy x11 🫥

“Curtain and Sticky leaned as hard as they could into the Whisperer’s message. And it felt wonderful. To be wanted. And not just wanted, but home. Where they were valued. Where they belonged.”

also sticky. give him therapy too. (and reynie. actually everyone needs therapy what am I saying. )

garrison and curtain scene vs my anxiety 💀 not joking if you were to play this scene rn I would get really sick to my stomach. it’s always a good reminder for me that yeah curtain isn’t really a good person </3 I wasn’t sure if it was gonna effect me the same in writing but!! It did 😃 you did a great job at keeping the intensity of the scene while still adding some new thoughts.

(also I’m glad you added that garrison did in fact see the button. I was wondering how could they not notice Kate rolling over in the background or at the very least see the button so that was nice)

“She left to attend to her patient but made sure to leave her office door unlocked, just in case there was someone there who needed to make an exit. Garrison had brain swept enough people for one day.”

garrison 🙏

take a shot every time Benedict is anxious or is having a meltdown. he needs help 💀💕

“sometimes, it takes an outsider to let you see yourself.”

also another favorite line from the show 👌🏼

“With a little bit of judgment attached, don’t you think?” Curtain asked

man you can’t ask curtain nothing. he is so annoying 🥰

*slams fist* SQ wanting to go to art school 😭💕💕💕 bro just mail the letters don’t even ask

alrighht that’s almost everything…sorry I talked way to much 💀 I hope you didn’t mind. ^^ Wonderful chapter as always! and thank you again for the reynie angst you are the best 🙏😭 💕

Update: As promised, I have completed another S.O.S. chapter this week!

Click Here to Read the Chapter

Chapter 11 Summary: Curtain evaluates the potential of his new messengers while Milligan and his friends encounter a new visitor at their campsite. Meanwhile, Garrison finds a concerning abnormality in their data, and SQ thinks about his future.

Side Note: Yes, I have included the remaining quote from my WIP game! And I was able to get this out so fast because I already had most of it ready to go, might be a while before the next one (but I'm crazy inconsistent, so who knows). But in the meantime, I look forward to hearing your speculations on my Miss. Perumal and Dr. Garrison backstories.

Once again tagging everyone who originally expressed interest in the fic: @oflightningandstars @myfairkatiecat @mvshortcut @kneeslapworthy @serial-serializednovelreader @sophieswundergarten @itsgoghtime (as always: please let me know if this is annoying, because I know that while the tumblr-only people find it helpful, some people might not like or need the notification, especially when they have an AO3. And let me know if you aren't tagged, but want to be!).

Also @lemondropletters, you requested a Reynie angst fic. This chapter isn't entirely about Reynie, but I am especially excited to publish it, because there is a section of Reynie angst, which I hope you enjoy!

[transphilza]

i logged onto hypixel for the first time today :)

i’m more of a singleplayer sort of person, lol. but i knew if i didn’t put something in the book of condolences i’d regret it so i went on and saw the memorial

sharing some images mostly for myself so i can keep them. it was a really cute area they did a lovely job! such a lovely job in fact that i immediately started bawling my eyes out the moment i spawned in and saw it

i wandered around the lobby for awhile trying to think of what to write and when i did i put my technoplush on my lap and cried silently for a solid fifteen minutes, yknow, as you do. i waited for one song to play and then sat and listened to the piggies oink for a little bit and that was all

it doesn’t feel like it’s been a month, feels closer to just a few weeks, maybe. sometimes it feels closer to just a few days, and it’s gotten easier but hasn’t gotten easy, i don’t think grief ever does. i really really hope his family and friends are doing alright — i doubt his family will ever be able to get around to reading the entirety of the massive amount of messages they’ve been left but i hope they can rest easier knowing so many people are carrying on his memory in their hearts. i know it helps me

life is not fair sometimes and i wish of all people it didn’t have to be him who faced that so harshly, but in the short time he had he did so many wonderful things to change the world for the better and i’m grateful. i’m grateful he had the time he had and i’m grateful i was around and in this community to adore some of it while he was still alive

i need to stop typing now because i’m ruining my shirt with tears and he would tease me and everyone else for being so sentimental anyway. i miss you loads pig boy but don’t you worry cause i’m giving you just as much ad revenue since you’ve been gone as i did when you were still around. thank you for everything ❤️

[i-luv-sweets]

|Use Less Gun| yandere Engineer x reader  Part 3

Tia led you through her large house. Well the house belonged to her father but she lived with him on weekdays so it’s her house as well. “Aren’t you excited Y/N? This will be the best birthday party i’ll host!” Tia cheered spinning around and falling on a couch.  Giggling at your friend’s action you helped her stand up. “What are you going to dress as?” You asked her. It was a costume party that Tia wanted. It was her birthday so you didn’t judge. “I’m gonna be Harley quinn, she’s smart like me!” The brown haired girl spoke with a grin. “Not smart enough to leave an abusive man?” You asked with a smirk. Tia gently smacked you shoulder. “Yeah, but that’s besides the point.” She responded making you giggle. Tia looked around the living room for a moment before talking again. “What are you going to be dressed as?” She asked you. Smirking at her question she immediately had a frown. “Y/N, don’t you dare.” You smiled at her and brushed back your hair. “I’ll wear a suit and have a sign that says ‘sorry’ so I can be a-” Tia stopped you with her hand. “No! Don’t finish it.”  “A formal apology.” Tia groaned at the joke while you laughed at her. Tia packed her stuff and you helped her. She was just staying over for the weekends. As you both entered your apartment she put her bags in her room. “Yknow Y/N, I can help you buy a better apartment.” You shrugged in response. “You’re already letting me stay here, i’ll be fine.” Tia nodded in understanding before hearing a noise from your phone. ping! ping!                

Taking a look at your phone you notice the texts were from Dell. ‘I’ll pick you up at 6 if that’s fine with you.’ ‘It should be enough time to drive to the place I wanna take you as well.’  You smiled at his texts reminding yourself of the fun time you had last night. Tis looked over your shoulder and gasped loudly into your ear. “You’re going on a date!” She yelled with a smile. You shook your hands at Tia. “No,no,no, it’s just a friend hang out. He wanted to pay me back for paying for dinner last night.” The female tilted her head at you. “He stayed over yesterday?” You nodded at her and put a hand to her moth to stop her from gasping. “I tried cooking for him but it didn’t do well. So we ordered pizza.” Tia grabbed you and started shaking you.  “He’s trying to take you on a date!” You pushed her off you gently. “No he’s not.” Your friend raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms at you. Leaning against the wall she sighed. “Ok not a date, but if it was what would you do?” The brown haired girl jokingly asked with a smile. You shook your head and smiled back at her before taking your phone out. ‘Yeah i’ll get ready then.’ Sending the text you closed the message app. “I gotta get ready, want me to buy anything on my way out?” You asked Tia. Your friend thought for a moment thinking of anything she needed. “Nope, I think i’m pretty good actually.” She said heading to the couch to watch TV. With her answer out of the way you went to your room to change. Looking into your closet you picked out a few clothes thinking which ones would be best. Shouldn’t be fancy, just casual wear so no dress. You just shrugged at your clothes and put on a long sleeved shirt with a leather jacket and light brown pants. Looked casual enough right? This is what casual people wear right? Will Dell think it’s not messy? “Oh God I do overthink and try to please people too much.” You whispered to yourself.

You walked out into the living room and sat down next to Tia who was watching a K Drama. You never really got the plot of her K Dramas but if she enjoyed it then it should be fairly entertaining. Tia turned to you and grabbed a brush. “At least brush your hair for your non date.” She said turning you around and gently brushing your hair. “Thanks Tia, what would I do without you.” You joked to her. She rolled her eyes at you and started braiding your hair. “Yknow, you look way better if you brushed your hair more often and not lay in bed writing your books.” She said smiling and finishing braiding your hair. You sat up as you heard a knock at the door. Tia nudged your side and wiggled her eyebrows. You groaned gently pushing her face away and heading for the door. “Heya Dell, how are you?” You asked him with a smile to which he mirrored you. “Well ah’ve been pretty good. Work’s been easy on me.” He responded with you closing the door behind you and leaving your apartment. “You look very nice by the way.” He commented with a smile. “You too cowboy.” You joked with him paying attention to his attire. It was a dark red turtleneck and black pants that he wore. “BRING HER BACK BY 8!” You heard a muffled voice yell from the other side of the door. You groaned in annoyance turning red a bit. Dell heard your friend’s voice and laughed. “Alrighty then.” He spoke through the door before leading you out of the building. “Sorry about her, she’s just a jokester.” You said playing with your braided hair. Dell unlocked his car and you entered the passenger seat while he entered the driver’s seat. “She ain’t not that bad, she’s pretty funny.” Engie spoke chuckling a bit in his sentence.  While he drove out on the road you looked around the car a bit. There was still no branding of the type of car it was. “Say Dell, not to be rude but what brand of car is this?” You asked looking at him. He gave a grin while turning on the turn signal. “Ah made this fine piece of work ‘ere. Ain’t she a fine one?” He asked patting the steering wheel. “That’s mighty impressive Dell, I thought it was Toyota or somethin.” You told him with a smile and looking at the leather seats. “Naw, ah made ‘er with scrap metal.” He said stopping at a red light giving him time to look at you with his grin still on his face. “Well aren’t you just a handy guy.” You said tapping your foot trying to think of a conversation to say to him. You didn’t want to make silence between the two of you. You both talked for a good 30 minutes before showing at your destination. “Ah got ta be if ah’m an engineer.” He chuckled turning to a small diner. “Looking at the place, you make me feel guilty that you’re paying.” You said unbuckling your seatbelt. “Well Ah said ah was paying you back. Might as well take ya to a fairly good place.” He spoke exiting his car and locking the door. Entering the small Diner you two sat at a booth and waited for a menu. Dell looked at you more carefully while you settled into the booth. You had slightly dark bags underneath your eyes. Were you staying up to study? “Have you been here before Dell?” the texan man got knocked out of his thoughts and met your eyes. “Yeah, Ah hang here often after a hard day’s work. They good beer here.” He spoke and rested his arms on the table. Soon the waiter came up to the two of you and handed you two your menus. Both of you ordered your food and proceeded to talk more. The small talk was very enjoyable before Dell notice your face drop. “Fuck, shit, why now?” You whispered taking the menu in front of you and hiding your face. Dell turned around and saw a middle aged woman in her 30′s or 40′s. She had short blond hair, heavy makeup, and hoop earrings. “Ya ok Y/N?” Engie asked gently lowering your menu as the waiter returned with two bottles of beer. You smiled at the waiter and thanked them before shrugging at Dell unsure. “Y/N L/N! is that you?” The woman yelled out. You flinched and nodded. “Hello Ms.Can.” You said giving her a shy smile as she walked up to you and Dell. “This must be why you are failing math. Messing around with men? Drinking? Don’t be such a failure to your parents. You said you wanted them proud.” Your teacher boomed her voice at you as you swallowed your spit. Dell never got into anyone’s business but he now understood why you had such a hard time. She really was like you described yesterday. The southern man felt a heat in his chest. It was bubbling up in him and he was going to burst with every word he hear the woman say to you. Clearing his throat the woman payed attention to him. “Ah’m sorry ma’am, but this ‘er is mah tutee. Ah offered to get ta know ‘er better to be friends.” He explained calmly doing his best to not yell. He had to at least reason with her. Maybe she’d back off if she understood the situation. The woman scoffed and rolled her eyes standing straight. “Taking a girl for a drink of alcohol? A tutor spending time with their tutee? How unprofessional. You’re a southerner anyway, I bet you didn’t have a lick of education in that place.” Now that hit Dell straight in the face. The young man who has full 8 PhD’s being called uneducated? “Excuse me ma’am but ah have 8 PhD’s! Way more than you would’ve accomplished!” Both you and your teacher gasped in surprise at what Dell had said. You had never seen him angry before. Then again, you never got to know him until now. “Why you filthy trucker!” A waiter went up to the lady and asked her to leave nicely. “Why don’t ya listen to tha kind worker’s ‘ere Corncakes.” Engie said with a smirk. Ms.Can glared at him and then  you before turning heel to leave. You breathed out a sigh as you watched her leave. Dell looked at you and softened his look. “Are ya ok darlin?” He asked placing his hand on top of yours. You tapped your foot and nodded your head. You looked up at him and gave him a weary smile. “Shouldn’t I ask you that? She insulted you.” You said as Dell chuckled. “Ah’ve dealt with scarier in all honesty. Ah’ll be ok.” He said as you hummed and returned your hand to your side. Some part of Dell didn’t want you to move your hand.

Taking your bottle of beer in your hand you took a sip of it. "You want to drink more after dinner?" You asked to make the tension go away a bit. Engie caught on to what you were trying to do and nodded with a grin. You were so nice, always trying to make things happier. Your food came not too long after and you both started eating. "Wow, that's a good burger." You said taking another bite. Dell hummed and took a sip of his beer. "They have such good things to eat. Ah lahike their milkshakes in mah opinion." He said after you took another bite. Swallowing your food you tilted your head to him. "There's milkshakes? I didn't see that on the menu." You spoke confused. He nodded and rested his arms on the table and scooting a bit closer. "Mhm, they don't use those powders that others use. They use real ice cream." He said with a smile. Finishing your burger you wiped your hands on a small tissue. "I should come visit here more often then." You said finishing up. Dell chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Yea, tha food isn't poisoned as well." He jested reminding you about your cooking last night. You turned bright red at the memory and covered your face with both hands. "I tried ok?" You said lowering your hands and showing your smiling pink face. The texan laughed at your expression. "No worries Dell's 'ere ta teach ya how ta cook edible food." He said making you laugh again. "Just pay so we can make fun of each other in the car." You said lowering your laughter to small giggles.

Engineer chuckled and started standing up. "Ok, ok, ah'm going." He said walking to the cashire with you following after him. As he paid the bill he had a mischievous look and leaned into the counter towards the cashire. "Ey, you know this girl 'ere can't-" You smacked his shoulder stopping him mid sentence. "Dell no please!" You whined making him have another laughing fit. He got his change and the two of you turned around. "What? Ah was just bout ta say tha truth." He teased leaning down to you as you walked out. You both got in the car and buckled up ready to drive back. "Back to what ya said 'bout drinking. Mind drinkin at mah place? Ah got too much beer thanks to an accidental ad." he asked driving out of the parking lot. You weren't one for going to another person's house until you knew them better but you trusted Dell. For some reason he didn't make you feel threatened. "Sure thing, but an accidental ad?" You asked him with a confused look. "Ah clicked an ad to try and order beer online. But Ah thought tha pay didn't go through so I clicked multiple times." Once he explained you started giggling. "Don't laugh, mah wallet's cryin now." He joked with a smile and gently nudging your side. "You're making it cry more by inviting me to dinner." You said the two of you sharing laughter. "Ok fair enough." He said pulling up into a normal sized house. You unbuckled your seatbelts and stepped outside. "You have a nice place." You said following him up to the front door. "Thank ya darlin." He said getting his keys out and unlocking the door. Upon entering the house you noticed the very cozy look it had. Once you entered the house you saw stairs leading up to the second floor. But entering the living room straight ahead there was a fluffy mat on the floor with a couch and TV. "You make yerself comfortable, ah'll get the beer." Dell said disappearing into the kitchen as you sat down on the couch.

You looked around and noticed some photos hanging on the walls. They were pictures of a younger Dell with, his mom, and dad, supposedly. Dell was holding a PhD in his hands.  “Dear lord he wasn’t joking.” You muttered now looking at the photo more. “Ah told you, ya didn’t believe me.” He chuckled handing you a beer and holding a box of alcohol. “I did sort of believe you when you yelled at my teacher.” You said taking a swing of the cold beverage.

Dell hummed and sat next to you turning on the TV to pick a random movie. After picking the movie he sighed. “Ah’m sorry for yellin at yer teacher. But they just didn’t seem raight.” He said leaning into the couch. You shrugged watching Dell chug his drink. “It’s fine, I don’t have the guts to speak back anyways.” You sighed staring at the screen. Engie finished his drink and opened another looking at you. “Ah noticed a bit. why don’t ya speak back?” He asked anticipating an answer. He really did expect you to defend yourself back there. But all you did was try to reason. “I tend to be a people pleaser. Been trying to shake it off though.” You spoke finishing your beer and reaching for another. Dell opened another bottle for you and handed it with a soft smile. “Ah’m sure you’ll shake it off after awhile.” He said giving you a comforting look. You smiled back at him and leaned back into the couch more relaxed. The two of you drank while watching TV and soon checking the clock it was around 9 already.  “Damn it got late pretty quick.” You said disappointed that the night had to end once again. Dell hummed equally disappointed but perked up after a thought. “Well both of us kinda drank too much raight? Do ya maind stayin tha night?” He asked looking at you in hopes. In all honesty you would take any excuse to not go back home right now. You had such a good time with Dell, it would be nice to stay a little bit longer. “I don’t mind. I doubt you can drive after drinking anyways.” You commented making Dell chuckle. “Yeah, well ah’ll get tha guest bedroom ready.” He said leading you upstairs. the upstairs area wasn’t too big. It just held 3 rooms, a guest bedroom, Dell’s bedroom, and what you were assuming was storage. Dell opened the guest bedroom and turned on the lights. He grabbed some blankets and you helped him set the bedroom up. It was the least you could do since he was helping you stay over. Once the bedroom was ready Dell started walking out. “Ah hope ya have a good naight’s sleep sugarcube.” He said with a smile. It wasn’t bad that he called you a new nickname right? Dell always gave his friends nicknames. It was probably the alcohol talking. Dell thought in his mind as he saw you smile back. “You too Dell. Goodnight.” You said closing the door to sleep. The texan walked over to his bedroom and sighed. “Night.” he muttered under his breath.

[enderwalking]

TERMINAL ENDERSMILE BRAINROT WOOO \o/ also yeah i totally agree that a reveal at the finale wouldn't make sense w how they work, but i'm torn on whether or not enderboo sees it that way. bc overall, i see the staredown the same as you! "its part of the plan, it'll be fine, no worries, we're still on track" bc seeing your buddy get yeeted twice unarmored is. awful. but enderboo's notes(do not read 2, pg 16-17 on wiki) he seems shocked by dream lying(understandable, dream doesn't often lie) he writes "may have" but we know he Did do the community house, tho we also know his memory is wonky when stressed. regardless he almost sounds like he Expected dream to out him for some reason, and maybe that Was part of the plan in his mind before dream decided to protect him. ranboo/enderboo is known for catastrophizing, dream is known for sudden emotion-driven choices, enderboo could've expected the worse bc of that but was proven wrong the notes were also For ranboo to see, so he could've wrote in a way that kept things basic and confusing, just like the voice(and his book response later on. and all the cryptic messages. enderboo is a cryptid bastard /pos), make ranboo call into question Why dream wouldn't just reveal him, why dream of all people would Lie for Him bc if dream hadn't lied for him, then he'd be in just as much trouble, both of them bad guys worthy of prison(which he agonizes and swears to Hide in his follow up stream). this was the second time someone else took the full blame for something he took part in(first being tommy in exile trial, narrative parallels my beloved), and this time its by the most hated, evil man on the server, which should raise some big questions for him. sadly our boy ranboo is just as much about de'nial river as he is lethe, so he tries to avoid thinking on the signals being thrown at him by his own mind as much as possible, if he ignores hard enough surely it'll go away(it didn't go away, it got so much worse bc he's stubborn through and through, mind/voice and enderboo included, both taunting him over his attempts to avoid the truth ala Why Are You Running? lmao)

i get you i GET YOU i think my main point of contention overall is obvs we know "enderboo" is just ranboo with all his memories etc, but even with that caveat that they are ultimately the same person, i think it's also important to realize that it's not just a binary switch, yknow? it's not like there are just two states that flip between each other, it's not quite as easy as being like, oh ranboo forgot about this event which means that he was enderwalking during it. there's some kind of spectrum between the states, there are times he's more aware than others but also still not Fully aware, and all in all it's just very difficult to distinguish i think? so i can't say with confidence that ranboo writing things during events he forgot about is always actually the enderwalk trying to leave messages for his less-aware self, though obviously we know he does do that sometimes? idk idk. it is a VERY cool read though and is not one i had considered in the past!

i do think that something notable in all this is that ranboo--all parts of ranboo--do not want to fear/dislike the other parts, like. it is about the need to reconcile all these different parts that seem incompatible but actually are all necessary to form a cohesive whole! while ranboo has been terrified of the enderwalk at times, and while the enderwalk has seemed to mock him at points, the one most direct instance of communication between the two states is written with such care, and in a way where ranboo seems notably reassured! and it's shown again in the way ghostboo initially derides his living self, but then realizes better, and ultimately is doing all he can to protect his soul! all parts of ranboo are better off when they come together and love the other parts RANBOO IS ABOUT SELF-CARE AND I LOVE HIM

also MY GOD, DREAM'S LIL QUIRKS W INFO REGARDING RANBOO. this man is a disaster of slip ups w that to the point its a miracle he hasn't been called out on it, from him choosing to send the message to ranboo to his and techno's stand-off of "i refuse to reveal i care for/know ranboo, but what about You???" in the cell where dream had to backtrack and lie so hard. like "yeah he visited the most. no i don't know him that well tho nope" ??? gg king, ur lucky it was techno he's very good at keeping the secret despite those slip ups, and his talk w sam..... ohhhh that's a mental landmine for me /pos. bc when making sam go through the list of things people hate him for, when he talks about ranboo dream's tone changes to a bit more aggressive, his words more biting, and when it becomes clear sam only killed ranboo for Ego(imo, based off his words) dream pulls out his axe subtly after only holding steak(WHEN I TELL U I LOST MY MIND...) and then dream doubles down on poking to see if sam Knows about them, and when he realizes sam has no clue he then Taunts him over it by revealing the tnt thing but refusing to put 2+2 together for him, bc honestly out of ANYONE on the server, sam should be the one who'd make that connection the easiest And Yet He Doesn't and its hilarious. all the visits and altered waivers and ranboo's panic, and yet sam Does Not See It lmaooo its a taunting reveal, w two layers, 1 is "ur a dumbass for not realizing w/o me basically spelling it out" and 2 is "ur a dumbass for falling for it this whole time + btw ranboo's life is worthy of more than ur stupid ego + there was totally actual reason to arrest him ur just stupid + cringe fail warden + L + ratio". its just enough info to fuck w sam's head, which is exactly what dream wants

YES EXACTLY oh my god i didn't notice the thing about him pulling out his axe JESUSSSSS OK OK OK COOL!!! but YEAH this this exactly all this

ALSO i'm under the belief/hc that dream has No Clue that ranboo is actually like. Dead dead. bc w the ho16 death, ranboo was down one more life than dream is aware of, so it'd make sense if dream assumed ranboo was still alive somewhere and just hasn't contacted him(he still wasn't told Why the visits stopped after all, and a lot happened so he could be assuming enderboo is hiding or avoiding) which is why boo has been left waiting for a "He" to revive him as he fades more and more (wondering if He is even trying), chased by sam, unable to be in contact w many people or else it gets worse as he'll feel more. bc i doubt that dream would just leave his ally for dead when he has the full power to Fix It, especially considering how he reacted to sam about the murder. boo is trusting dream to revive him, but much like w how he feels about the rest of the server, he's likely starting to fear he's been abandoned by him too -Soul

this definitely makes a lot of sense! i think a factor that i've personally put a lot of weight into is, again, the fact that dream Will Not publicly reveal his alliance with ranboo, and so if he just revives the guy out of nowhere then that would automatically send out red flags to literally everyone who is even a little bit aware of anything. so i think he fully intends to revive ranboo and has intended to do so for a while, but he can't do it unprompted, yknow? otherwise it would be extremely sus to say the least lol. so basically he's just gotta play a waiting game to see if anyone approaches him first to give him a justification, yknow?

[thatsmistertoyou]

yknow I was thinking about it just a few weeks ago and I thought hey maybe Dan has moved on from being Online™️, at least for the foreseeable future. I thought well, I hope he’s good and satisfied with that and knows that there’s still an audience that respects and supports him if and when he chooses to come back, even if we’re all old af now. I really wouldn’t have ever guessed at the Big Reason lmao the AUDACITY of yt!!

(I’m kinda curious to see if yt responds to this in some way. Probably not but watching them get dragged to filth WAS fun ngl)

Anyway. More personal rambles under the cut

I really appreciated his comments about parasocial relationships. We really can’t help it in this day and age - public figures affect us, even if they are ‘public’ in the broadest sense of the word. It is not lost on me that most if not all of you that are still here are reading this bc you read my fic about this real closeted man and his secret lover lmao. If I never had to see any more commentary on rpf it’d be too damn soon. It’s all been said I think we’ve had enough. You’re not going to virtue signal people out of it my guys this is the internet I really don’t know what to tell you

But anyway. I tried to be as respectful as possible about it. I never claimed it was speculative. After a while I stopped doing that on here altogether. They just genuinely inspired me. What can I say. I found their dynamic and story compelling. What if I told it in my own way, what if I put this spin on it, what if I could make something fun and sweet that other people would enjoy, what if I made something dramatic and heartbreaking. They helped me discover something I had only dabbled in, an intense passion for the craft of writing that I have only recently picked back up bc I found new muses. (If you like Breath of the Wild, hmu lol)

This community was my lifeline in a very hard time in my life. It helped me make a lot of the friends I have today, some of the closest friends I’ve ever had. It demonstrably changed my life. I didn’t ask for it, but I needed it.

And so I really related to what Dan said about yt. The conflict of wondering if it is a net good when it put people in uncomfortable positions sometimes. Obviously it’s not a direct parallel, I’m not comparing like, petty fandom drama to the trauma of people analyzing your every move while you’re closeted and afraid. I’m glad Dan has been able to come to terms with it, at least a little lol. I think we’d all like to think we had no part in it - I never sent Dan an ask on his margarita blog asking if he was gay or dm’ed him my fic on twitter or submitted drawings of him and his bff fucking when he asked for art. But where’s the line? When does it stop being fun and harmless?

I appreciated his comments about that as well. I myself have loved to cite the fact that Dan really did say ‘knock yourselves out’ when it comes to fan works, asked for submissions of them at several points, and straight up wrote his own and put it in a nyt bestselling book that would forever immortalize him. And also performed it on stage, if in a cheeky and self-aware way. (Yes Phil did most of these things too, but we’re talking about the other one rn. And tbh, Dan always seemed like the one to seek permission from, right? Idk how to explain it but I feel like y’all know what I mean when I say that.)

I recently had my first ever impulse to get rid of my fics - not delete them, but maybe orphan them on ao3 so they wouldn’t be 100% tied to me. Or maybe take them down but keep an archive of pdfs linked here or something - something that would at least partially distance me from The Evils Of RPF. Lbr, I worked too damn hard to destroy my legacy completely. I’ve gotten so many wonderful messages over the years saying that my stories have had real impacts on real people. I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen.

But Dan and Phil are real people too! Dan has talked about how traumatizing it was to have people clock him as gay before he was ready! It’s invasive! It’s weird! It ruined one direction! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Can y’all tell the posts I’m talking about. Have you seen them too.

The one really caught my attention - something like ‘amazing how all those 13 year olds knew Dan and Phil were gay like immediately, they tried to deny it and it didn’t work’. Shit like that puts me on the defensive like immediately, but, admittedly, it was funny. I was like. First of all I was 18 the first time I even saw one of their videos, get your facts straight, not all of us were that young. And second, I was immediately like Self Recognition Through The Other.

Yes it was also maybe invasive curiosity and speculation, maybe attraction to them, maybe genuine enjoyment of their content, maybe the digital landscape at the time in which watching real people do real shit was novel and no one knew the implications until it all started to blow up, etc etc. but like. I didn’t know I was queer at ALL at the time. And a few years in the community later I had more friends than I’d ever had, thriving hobbies, and am now openly bisexual. I can’t say any of that would have happened without this super weird and scary thing.

So, all of that to say, I understand at least some of what Dan was talking about.

Also I’m not deleting my fics, dw. If my boss finds them that’s her fault.

(Not saying I would have absolutely shit myself if Dan had, in fact, launched a project about an alternate unhappy version of his life on his 30th birthday, but it’s a strong possibility.)