#if there's other questions lmk i love talking about my babies hehe

[jaymber]

I’m new here and have many questions..

Vaea- 5,15,25,41

Silver- 4,14,33

Linda-2,19,27,34

Flavio-17,26,49

Amy- 16,21,28,36

Gabby- 18,22,44,55,63

Sorry if this is too many I love your characters so much and must know more <3

No prob, anon. Sorry this took some time to answer! I'll put it all under a "read more" not to make this post too long :D

Vaea

5. are they religious or spiritual in any way?

Vaea used to believe in God, but not anymore. He lost his faith after dying and coming back to life about a dozen times when he had the Relic stuck in his head. He’s still superstitious, though. He wouldn’t walk under ladders and the number 13 makes him feel uneasy.

15. what is their preferred vehicle or transportation of choice?

Vaea bought a Herrera Outlaw from Dino, his dream car for years. A shiny sportcar with purple leather and enough room for three people!

25. which radio station(s) is their favorite?

If Vaea’s driving, you’ll listen to 106.9 30 Principales, baby!  He really likes reggaeton, and sometimes even play some at the Atlantis when Kerry and Johnny aren’t there to stop him. Fun fact, his favorite track in 2077 was Serpant.

41. do they believe in soulmates?

Vaea always believed in platonic soulmates, those people you met and immediately bound with. Romantic soulmates? That’s another story. He didn’t believe he could even fall in love until his early 30’s, when he met Johnny, then Kerry. At first, he figured he liked Johnny cause, with the Relic, he was Johnny, and Johnny liked himself so much it affected him. Kerry? Well, those were Johnny’s repressed feelings, right? It took him some time to accept that maybe, maybe, they were meant to be…

Silver

4. what tarot card from the major arcana would you associate with them?

Silver, with the rogue AI living within them, is the Lovers card. A reversed one. They and Ghede (the AI) live an unbalanced life, always trying to overpower the other and take over their shared body. Before that encounter, Silver worked for Netwatch as a hunter. They made some pretty bad choices, and never felt remorse over those. Plus, they do love themself quite a lot!

14. what is their weapon of choice?

Silver only uses their cyberdeck and lethal hacks. But if it’s a personal thing, they can get up close and physical. They won’t take the risk of getting hurt, no. They cripple the target’s movements, and flatline them with a knife to the throat.

33. what is/was their relationship like with their parents?

Silver was raised in a recluse netrunner community. It wasn’t their parents’ job to raise them, but the elders’. The ones that couldn’t netrun anymore. Since their parents were almost always deep into the Net, Silver’s relationship with them was rather distant. They barely ever talked, and they weren’t the ones that taught Silver to netrun since they were too busy to do it. They died when Silver was 13. A malware fried the community’s servers, and everyone connected to them. They were sad, sure, but their deaths were just as painful as the other members of the community.

Linda

2. how old are they? how long have they been living on their own?

Linda was born in 2050. Most pics of her are taken in 2079/2080, when she’s about 29-30 yo. She was raised by her grandma, and left her house at age 22. She lived on other people’s couches, most of them girls she slept with. Her situation becomes more stable when she gets hired as a bartender for the Atlantis, in 2078. She gets her own apartmenet in Japantown.

19. is your character from night city? if no, where were they born? what brought them to night city? if yes, what area of the city did they grow up?

Linda was born in Santo Domingo. She actually never left NC, not even for a trip to the Badlands. She really likes the chaos reigning in the city, and wouldn’t leave it for anything in the world.

27. have they ever had run ins with the badges?

Linda was the kind of restless teen that always got in trouble as a teen. She’s get bored and a trash can would catch on fire. She was also a victim of bullying in her preteen years, and became a bully herself as she got older, sometimes taking it too far.

As an adult, she got arrested a few times for theft and resisting arrest. Also selling glitter, and counterfeiting Health Boosters (and taking part in a pyramid scheme to sell those). And her mobile subscription might be under 8ug’s name when she """borrowed""" her ID that one time.

34. do they have siblings?

Linda got an older brother, Flavio. They don’t really get along, though. Flavio enlisted when he was 17 and her 11, and she took it as Flavio abandoning her. He’s tried to reconnect with her countless times, but Linda doesn’t wanna hear anything.

Flavio

17. are they a early riser or a night owl?

After years working for the NUSA army, Flavio still has the habit to wake up early… and I mean early, like 5 am most days. He does indulge in “dad naps” though and “rests his eyes” the second he’s sat down on a couch!

26. if they do merc work, do they have one dedicated fixer? if so, who?

Since he’s out of the military, Flavio works in construction (and the occasional street fights when he desperately needs money). He doesn’t really turn to fixers, but he’s already worked for 6th Street before. Nothing too serious, a little spying around Heywood there. A little threatening in Arroyo there. The pay is much better, since there’s no middle man.

49. name three of your characters biggest turn ons.

Here’s three things that make Flavio horny grip:

nipples poking through a shirt

nails running against his skin

fake bickering and witty replies

Amy

16. how would you describe their style?

I’m still working on it, but I wana give Amy a skatergirl/grunge aesthetic. Checkered pants, ripped jeans, crop tops, …

21. do they have any favorite spots around NC?

Amy walks around NC with sparkles in her eyes. She loves every part of it, but especially the Watson area. The bright neon lights or the more industrial part of the district. With time, she starts hanging more and more at the Totentanz. As a former cyberpsycho, she feels like she fits in there.

28. are they quick to help a stranger in need or do they prefer to stay out of other peoples business?

Amy loves to help, even though she can be more as smothering than nurturing at times. She still struggles controlling her impulses. She’ll run to help out first, and won’t take the time to wonder how/if she can help.

36. who is their biggest enemy?

In 2080, Amy doesn’t really have enemies, no physical ones that is. She struggles with herself, with her impulses she can’t control, with her remorses over what she’s done when she lost her mind. She hates her status as a former cyberpsycho. She can’t show negative emotions, because it scares people. She feels like a guinea pig sometimes, an experiment people talk about without seeing she’s a person first and foremost. She doesn’t have enemies, but she still struggles.

Gabby

18. share three songs you associate with them.

Already done, but here’s three more:

Do U Like Me Now? - Dana Dentata

I stick needles in my mouth! Do you like me, now?

Gabby plays in XBDs. There’s little he won’t do for the attention.

X - Poppy

Get me, get me bloody, please get me bloody You can get down on your knees if you're naughty

Yet another “Gabby likes to be worshipped” song :’)

All I'll Ever Known - OWEL

How long it will be before I'm asking for the sea 'Til at last the ocean is gone?

One of Gabby’s major issues is that he doesn’t take “no” for an answer. He’s used to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, no matter the consequences.

22. do they like to cook for themselves, or eat out? do they prefer restaurants or street food? and how do they feel about vending machine food?

Gabby had cooks growing up, and never learnt to do anything in a kitchen. He’s used to ganic food and luxury cuisine. He’s the type of people to get a reservation in the fanciest restaurants in NC very quickly thanks to his money and his family name (he’s the great-grandchild of the founder of Militech). He’s tried street food and even, uh, vending machine food, but that’s not really his style.

44. would your character ever get married?

Gabby can’t get married. His family won’t allow it. As a Luccessi, he can’t share his name with just anyone. That’s fine by him, though. He sees marriage as nothing but a social ritual for economical advantages. He doesn’t see the need to get married, since he wouldn’t need his spouse’s money or rights to get by in life.

55. do they have a preference for ‘ganic bodies or do they like modifications?

Gabby has a preference for modified bodies. He likes the shine, the texture under his fingertips. Sure skin is fine, but he finds metal much more appealing. (and yeah, I do hc that Royce hides a lot of cyberware under those clothes of his hehe)

63. do they like to sext or play over the holo?

Gabby loves it, but he’d rather use the holo than text. He knows how to use his voice just the right way to get things all hot and steamy.

[writingstoraes]

podcast confessions 🎙

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: instagram imagine/social media au

notes: not proofread, pls expect errors! hope ure all having a good day so far <33 lmk what u guys think! heavier on the twitter part hehe

about: you and charles share stories on a much awaited podcast episode!

divestudios

liked by sainzfilms, 16ferrari, girliepop, and 542,234 others

divestudios Aaaand you guessed it right, motorsport enthusiasts! This week on Dive Studios, Ferrari driver Charles Leclerc and girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N will be seated as our first guests for our segment "Destined" ❤️

Destined will be a regular segment in our podcast show where we invite couples to talk about all things love and relationship! We are excited to be in the studio with Y/N and Charles – who are apparently ranked by fans as the best couple on the Formula 1 grid!

Tag us on twitter divestudios for the questions you want to ask them!

tagged: charles_leclerc and yourusername

leclericciardo OH MY IM SO EXCITED

sainzhero my favorite couple 🫶

hamilt0n EXACTLY best couple on the grid so yeah we will be tuning in!

landonorris Someone ask them who the little spoon is cause Charles keep lying and I know its him

mercfan WHAT R U DOING HERE LANDO 😭

yourusername

liked by isahernaez, lilymhe, pierregasly, and 340,458 others

yourusername just found out my boyfriend almost said the l word the same day i did, cant believe i beat him to it 🤣 je taimé, baby! words are never enough to express how much i love you 🤍

ps. thanks everyone for loving our destined episode that aired today! we were honestly reallyyy nervous but seeing all the love really put a smile on our faces xx

charles_leclerc My person ❤️ I love you please wait for me before you eat dinner

sainzzzzlove u guys r so casual here now i love it so much

lilymhe LOOOVED THE PODCAST SO MUCH!!!

carlossainz55 Lol I remember the day he told me he loved you, really was smiling ear to ear

charles_leclerc Woah what's with the expose, mate?

pascale_leclerc The sweetest 🥰 I miss you both!

landonorris Get the podcast away from me I am being attacked by ants

yourusername you literally sent a question

---------

tagging: @slytherheign mwag

notes: this seemed like a cute idea sighs a love like this please 😴 lmk what u guys think!

[yongislong]

intimate moments + 127

wc/genre: 2,010k... fluff, domestic, angsty?? suggestive? mayhaphs. established relationships with nonidol!127. not proofread oof

cw/note: no cws i dont think but lmk! ty for requesting anon! requests are always open btw hehe! but YUUPP yknow what time it is my first 127 headcannons muahaha so here we go :> mark and haechan are in the dreamies post. i used and and like a lot im SORRY LMFAO but tysm for the support :") i was surprised people liked my other stuff sm! im quite insecure about the way i wrote bc.. i write how i talk haha, its kind of a mess. i wish i could make my posts a lot cuter and stuff but school is tiring, i appreciate all of your love lately though, this was all for myself and first bc i was going through it but im glad people enjoy it! sorry this is so long i just wanted to let yall know a bit more abt me! :D

taeil… cooking: GOD im having taeil brainrot bc he was on that baby show, and him ripping that crab with his bare hands.... sickening. bc UGH he is such husband material. imagining you both in the kitchen cooking and he's genuinely such a menace and you cant hear the music you suggested to play, anymore bc his smooching noises are so LOUD and suddenly the homemade pho you were both attempting to make while wearing matching aprons is on the verge of being forgotten lol. you finally give in after much name calling from him and let him press your cheeks together to give you a wet, loud smooch on your forehead. theres something about cooking to taeil thats so personal and adult-y to him. like oh my god here you both are, sitting in your VERY cute shared apartment, sharing a very nice bowl of noodles as the roses he planted now lay in a small mint green vase on your tiny dining room table. its something about the domesticity of working on something together, enjoying yourselves while doing it AND getting to eat the end product of said hard work, that he finds incredibly fullfilling. sitting across the love of his life. another thing he likes to do is prop his feet next to your right thigh on your chair and you do the same. you guys have your legs resting on each others chairs under the table. sometimes he pulls on the skin of your calf and when you complain you haven't shaven he rolls his eyes and seems to swat your words out of the air in front of him. long story short he just watches you ramble on about your day at work, until he stares for too long and hasn't realized you're practically shaking the life out of him because he never answered your questions about whether or not he gave brina and brita their fish food

johnny... sharing a book: johnny pegs me as someone who's super patient! maybe he's not bc... parasocial relationships LOL but in his interactions with everyone else, like that one jcc where mark doesn't want frozen yogurt and he was so nice abt it! but similarly to renjun, its nice to share something in bed but also both be consuming the same content yknow? he also seems to me like the type of guy who, likes to finish something before moving on to the next big thing WHICH means.... you spending about 5 months going through the entire percy jackson series PFTT. but its SOO GOOD and you both get so into it and after you finish the first two books you immediately both skip lectures or work the next day just to watch the movies and you both lose your minds at how bad they are TT. but yes its such a nice time to unwind! he loves having you lay between his legs, head on his collarbone as his arms circle around your torso to lay the book on your hipbone. he always waits for you to finish before he turns the page ofc! he also bought a little reading light that can be clipped on the the binding of the outside of the book and illuminate the pages in case reading went on a lot longer than expected. the bookmark that holds your place in the story was a polaroid picture of you sleeping HOWEVER it got replaced to a picture of you looking thru a glass of wine and it makes your face look all warped and funny lol. johnny always smiles when he sees it so its a good way to begin reading time hehe. kinda obvious but his body heat + his room + the smell of his lingering cologne on his sheets is chefs kiss, extra points if the apartment still smells like coffee from this morning OR the bottle of red wine he opened that sits on the nightstand </3

taeyong... customizing clothes together: GODDDD ya'll would be the most well dressed couple ever dude. yong is so creative, and i sense that he would want his partner to share his same taste at least when it comes to clothes and art! this isn't something you both do often bc... life lol but it started when you were cleaning out your shared closet. both sprawled on the floor, as you begin complaining about how you've both found pieces of clothing that you felt guilty about throwing away. then! yong suggests going to the craft/vintage store to see if theres any way to up-cycle what you've found. so thats how you spend the summer weekend. sat on the plush fuchsia rug in your living room, surrounded by denim, fabric squares, 80s brooches, lace, ribbon, etc etc as you spend the humid and sticky afternoon binging nana while you both sit in creative/comfortable silence, gluing and pining and sewing things to various articles of clothing. its SO cozy, funk music plays from the mini speaker you guys co-own and at the end of the task, you give each other a private fashion show styling your new clothes! he adores watching you pretend to model and eggs you on sm "y/n you need to consider doing this for real, everything looks good on you its not fair," this day is something that you both remember for a while. there were shared childhood stories, insecurities, dreams and you both were so much more vulnerable because there was something to distract yourselves with. the night ends in an absolute destruction of your living room floor, but accompanied with a cuddle session in his bed, the sounds from the ceiling fan and his heart beat almost make you sleepy, almost missing his whispered compliments and soft neck kisses.

yuta... hair: ok i know this is super vague but as a fellow scorpio who loves doing things to their hair, theres nothing more i want in life than someone to be able to do those things with! like ugh late night hair salon time with yuta, yup. this goes along so well with trust as well. i mean he's letting you cut, dye and style his hair and vice versa. i feel like he'd be with someone who's more edgy and this would be such a raw moment for you as a couple LIKE you're changing each other's appearances and its a time of patience. listening is extremely important as well and whenever you go through a new hair phase, sitting down at the sink and soaking up what the other has to say and practically baring their souls out while the bleach is very much stinging the top of his scalp is really fascinating LMAO, needless to say you guys aren't the typical couple, but it works. the amount of understanding and empathy you've both adopted for one another is lovely! and not to mention is super cute when yuta crinkles his nose, his teeth peeking out just a bit from the opening of his lips, because he absolutely needed a blonde wolf cut and hair is very much getting all over his face. in moments like this he doesn't think he would trade your adorable and super hot according to him concentration face. ALSOOO angsy, hot, jrock inspired couple photos are a must and yes, everyone on campus is jealous.

doyoung... driving: CORNYY BOOO yes ik, but guys? him driving, in that domestic ass button up and black thick rimmed glasses. he needs to be in jail bc he absolutely would be that bf to throw rocks at your window even though, yes you live together and yes its an apartment complex but, he wants you to feel that super giddy like, puppy bunny love again and he almost brought a boombox to play to play head over heels by tears for fears but... too much according to jaehyun lol. so anyways he loves late night drives with you. or any drives really! his favorites are a combination of picking you up late night from work and getting to hear all the drama whilst you guys eay in-n-out in the parking lot. and listen, im not trying to push the doyoung medical student agenda but... i 100% am and his reasoning for these late nights is because he's soooo busy! he feels guilty he doesn't take you out to nicer places and you always have to reassure him that anywhere he goes with you, is automatically a win in your books. its moments like these where he really grasps how lucky he is. oh wow.... you really do love him and it FREAKS him out in the best way. every night always ends sappy bc he's so GROSS geez. he's such a romantic in a way you would never expect. he's not cheesy or arrogant about loving you, and he never considers it something he has to do either. he just fully, truly and honestly wants to worship the ground you walk on. DON'T even get me started on drive-in movies omg. basically his cherry red car is your safe space lol </3

jaehyun... record swapping: tha music man muahaha. my heart tells me you both met in a vintage record store AHH, he saw you and his heart physically ached like when you see a pretty person in public, yeah but x 100 like he got the wind knocked out of him and he fucking drops, the stack of chet baker records he had on hand and his ears look like red bell peppers and he wants to crawl away until you rush over not like run but brisk walking? lol as you help him pick up all the vinyls he dropped.you noticed in between the pile of 50s music he had a limited edition vinyl of on of your favorite bands and that had you whipping your head up and noticing how soft he looked all flushed and dimples peaking out from the thin line on his lips. definition of he fell first but you fell harder ESPECIALLY on ya'll's second/third date. he invited you over to his house and requested you to bring your best albums. AND GODDDD the date was... truly when you fell harder for him. you spent the night swapping albums aka baring your souls and sitting on his kitchen counter as he paces back and forth in front of you as he goes on a tangent about his favorite artist. its like the world slows down and you both leave that date with a new record from the other and a notion that you were definitely falling in love with each other

jungwoo... bubble baths: GAAHHH TT. tell me, that jungwoo wouldn't adore relaxing with a full on bubble bath with you. and i'm talking like bubblegum flavored soap, bath bombs, dried flowers, candles, mood lighting???? its too good. after the first couple of times you've done it, he learns your habits and favorite smells as well as the right way to position you in the tub bc he takes up sm of it LOL. and if you're both tall... you make it work! hehe. but DUDE once he learns how to juggle this intimate activity LMFAO he buys stuff specifically for your sunday reset bubble baths OMG, like that board that stands across the tub just so he can set his laptop on it. yes its just bc he wants to watch disney movies and real house wives while unwinding haha. he's so sweet though, being all pretty with his skin a little glowy because of the steam coming from the water, his eyebrows brush up from when he swiped water on his eyes and his eyes twinkling once he stacks a bunch of bubbles on your head in a makeshift crown. he likes to give u bubbly shoulder kisses BOOOOOOO yes im jealous bc he's perfect and OFC he picks out the perfect pjs and warms them up in the dryer and sits you on the bathroom counter just so he can do your skincare for you </3

[spencersawkward]

*concussions and confessions//spencer reid*

summary: a near-death experience encourages Spencer to admit his feelings for his best friend, even at the risk of ruining their relationship.

pairing: Fem!Reader/Spencer

content warnings: oh boy there’s a lot. i’ll start with the nonsexual ones-- choking (again, not sexual), blunt force, violence, some angst. ok time for the fun ones-- unprotected penetrative sex, masturbation, sex dream, oral (male receiving), slight dirty talk, creampie. lmk if there are more that i missed! 

word count: 5.4k

A/N: hi omg so i actually combined two requests for this bc i loved the concepts and i didn't wanna do one and not the other. i hope i do both of these justice hehe thanks for sending them! also sorry if the unsub scene sucks-- i don’t usually write that way, so i tried my best. 

request(s): omg if you need ideas for baby spence can you do a one shot where he's the girls best friend (she's not in the bau) and they are in love but neither of them admit it and he is really hurt in a case or almost dies or something traumatic and only when he gets back they confess their love... and then have sex 😏 ive been thinking about this concept alot 😌

can’t stop thinking about baby spencer (like s2-s4) & his girl best friend losing their virginity to each other... can you write a one shot on this please?

masterlist

"when are you coming back?" you ask over the line. you're lying on your bed, legs in the air while you talk to your best friend. it's been a long day for you, but a longer day for him. it's always a longer day for him. 

"you know that I don't know the answer to that question." Spencer's voice is soft as he attempts to keep quiet. he's two hours ahead and, despite the fact that you're both night owls, the person he's rooming with tonight isn't. 

"I know, but there's this Korean film festival that starts tomorrow and I was hoping you would be here to translate for me." you examine your nails while you talk. Spencer lets out a disappointed sigh. 

it's only been a few days since he left, but it's been a week since you last saw him and it feels like a long time. whenever he's not at work, you two are joined at the hip. ever since you first met a few years back at a poetry convention in DC, it feels like he's the only person who understands you. which is weird, because you couldn't be more different as individuals. 

"you should bring one of your other friends." 

"bold of you to assume I have other friends." you joke. Spencer chuckles to himself and your heart flutters. you love his laugh more than anything in the world. 

"I thought that was just me." he says. 

"oh, it is just you," you reply flatly. "I was trying to make you feel better."

you can practically feel Spencer smiling through the phone. although you tease him pretty frequently, he's sometimes able to get in his own shots. it's what makes your friendship interesting.

"hey," you add before he can say anything more. "how's the case going?" 

Spence starts to detail the whole thing, and you listen intently, the timbre and smoothness of his voice comforting you as you slip beneath the covers of your bed. you like the way he enunciates his words, his strange manner of speaking, because it lulls you to sleep. 

you know he's talking about horrible things, but something about the sound comforts you deeply. when he's not around, you're wishing you had it bottled up. 

he lays out their profile as it stands, and you fall silent. it's getting pretty late and you have to be up early for work tomorrow, so it would be a good idea to get some real rest. plus, Spencer needs to sleep, too-- even though he probably won't. 

you remember times when he'd call you at three in the morning, his mind whirring as he played chess against himself and asked if you wanted to hang out so he could teach you how. you hate chess, but of course you said yes; you'd been head over heels with him since your first conversation.

eventually, you feel yourself start to drift off. you don't even really know what he's saying; all of it blends together until you're laying there, one cheek pressed to the pillow and the receiver against the other. 

"Y/N?" he says your name abruptly and your eyes, which have been slowly drawing shut this whole time, fly open. 

"yeah?" 

"go to bed."

"what? no, I'll wait until you're done." you shift. 

"I could hear your breathing change." 

"then why didn't you just hang up?" you giggle. he goes silent for a moment and you wonder if he cut out, but then he responds. 

"I wanted to say goodnight." 

it's like a cage of butterflies is unleashed in your stomach. you wrinkle your nose as you get nervous. god, you miss him. things would be so much better if he was back. not like he'd be in your bed even if he was, though.  

"then say goodnight." you prod. he lets out an awkward little sound. 

"now I can't because you made it weird." 

"how did I make it weird?" 

"I don't know, you just did." he's so clumsy, your face heats up. you want to keep talking like this until morning.

"goodnight, Spence," the words sound reluctant, but you try to cover it up by teasing him further. "see, was that so bad?" 

"oh my god, Y/N--" he tries to sound exasperated. 

"no goodnight back?" you raise an eyebrow even though he can't see you right now.  

a lengthy silence again. "goodnight."

"that's what I thought." before he can protest, you end the call, settle into the covers. moonlight beams on the walls of your apartment, and you start to think about your best friend. about all the nights spent curled up on his couch with two bowls of popcorn, his ramblings about how much he loves his job and him asking about yours. 

he's a great listener. every time you talk, he nods along like he's hanging off every word. it's nice to feel heard that way, to have someone care. and he's fun to hang out with, too. you've met his team before and they all talk about how hard it is to get him to go out, but they don't see the same side of him that you do. 

Spencer is nerdy and cute and kind and sensitive. he makes you feel special. he's everything that you've ever wanted in a person. but it's not like it would matter, anyway. he hasn't really shown interest in any girls-- much less you. even if he did, you're scared of ruining the friendship. 

the fallout of not having him around at all... it would destroy you. and something, even if it's torturous, is better than nothing. 

which is why, as you sit there and remember being around him, your fingertips creep below the comforter. a familiar routine, they move over your stomach, until they reach the waistband of your panties. for a moment, you hesitate. it's wrong. he's your best friend. but he doesn't need to know that this is how you handle the ache he puts between your legs. 

as your index finger slides down your slit, you feel the wetness already forming. Spencer's hands, his mouth. the thought of his lips pressed to yours while he fucks you, holding your body like it's delicate. 

you don't know exactly how it would feel because you've never had sex, but you want to find out with him. he's never done it, either. you don't care; all you need is to have him inside of you, to see how he looks when he's on the edge. 

your mind wanders to the image of him parting your legs and rolling his eyes into the back of his head. the sensation of him filling you up. falling apart. 

you slide a finger inside, gasping at the way your walls tighten and your imagination runs wild. that tongue, lapping and making you squirm, your fingers twisted in his soft hair. he's so sweet; his attentiveness would make your legs shake. you want to look into his eyes while he does it. 

you add a second finger, curl them and brush over the most sensitive part. the pressure of his hips grinding into yours. your body curves up at the way you start to finger yourself, the other hand stimulating your clit. it's almost overwhelming, the way his name tumbles from your lips over and over. 

you've never wanted someone so badly in your life; he belongs in your bloodstream. the sounds he would make in your ear before finally cumming and collapsing on top of you, spent. you want to tire him out and then do it all over again. 

you're greedy on the edge, indulging in every single image of him you can conjure up, every dirty thing you'd say. finally, you feel yourself fall, the orgasm intense as you bite back groans of pleasure and work through the high. it's amazing. 

you sit there, panting, feeling your heart beat in your chest. some things can't leave your head, they're so sinful. and the worst part is that you don't regret it in the slightest. 

...

Spencer can feel his pulse practically leaping against his throat as he makes his way through the empty warehouse. he should have waited for backup; he knows he should have, but it's too late now to go back and change things. 

he clutches his gun, pointing it in front of him while his eyes flicker wildly across the space. he's moving between enormous aisles stuffed with crates, not knowing who else is around. they said the unsub brought his newest victim here-- Spencer came first because was closest to the site-- but he hears nothing aside from the uneven rhythm of his own breath. 

every step is careful. he's thinking about how close the rest of the team must be. based on their distance from the station, they should arrive within six minutes-- but that doesn't account for the time it takes to put on their bulletproof vests, to get to their cars. 

truthfully, he doesn't know if he's going to have to do this on his own. and that scares him the most. 

there's no point in worrying. he swallows the lump in his throat and presses his back to one of the crates. there's a scraping noise a ways off that causes him to freeze. because of the echoes of the warehouse, the origin is indiscernible. he doesn't breathe, eyes darting between each of the openings into the aisle. 

after a minute of pure silence, he peels himself away and turns to head back out. 

and that's when the sound of wood cracking against bone startles him; he hears it before he feels it, but it's obvious when he crumples to the floor. like knife points pressing into his brain at all angles, the shooting agony in his skull. 

he starts to clutch at his head, only to be yanked off the ground by a meaty hand and thrown against the side of a crate. 

"fucking feds." the guy is enormous. gargantuan. he keeps his arm across Reid's throat, pressing down enough to restrict his airway. but Spencer can't even concentrate on the guy's face further than its rough outlines. his vision is going in and out, fuzzy at the edges from the blow to his head. 

he definitely has a concussion. 

"I..." he trails off. the huge FBI logo on his vest is a dead giveaway. 

"all alone?" the unsub has breath like rotten fish, spits each word into his face. "I won't even need my gun." 

Spencer's head lolls to the side and he catches sight of his own weapon lying helplessly a few feet away. there's no way he could get to it in time, even if he got out of this guy's chokehold. 

he tries to think of a way to talk himself out of this; after all, their profile said he'd be more susceptible to negotiation, but that's kind of hard to do with someone's forearm slammed against your trachea. he presses harder and Spencer sees stars. his glasses hang almost off the bridge of his nose, centimeters from falling to the floor. 

he starts to realize that he's going to die, defenseless and alone, in a warehouse. at the hands of a man who kills women because his Viagra doesn't work. but this doesn't incite the kind of panic Spencer always predicted he'd feel. the lack of oxygen in his brain causes him to go delirious. 

he misses home. his mom and his old house, even though things were hard. he misses Y/N, his team members. he wishes his team was here; he should have waited for them. he should have told Y/N how he feels. now she's never going to know. 

Reid is so out of it, he doesn't even notice the pressure being relieved from his throat until he collapses on the ground. the unsub falls, too, his cheek smashed by the force of the abandoned wooden plank. 

it's hard to tell what's happening until Reid lifts his head to see Morgan standing above him, preparing to handcuff the criminal.

"kid," Spencer never thought he'd be so glad to hear his voice. "what happened?"

...

you practically crash into Spencer's apartment the next evening, flinging your body through the front door with your spare key. 

"Spence?" you call out from the entryway. everything still looks the same, but when his colleague, Penelope, called you today to tell you that Reid had gotten a concussion after a run-in with an unsub, you rushed here as soon as you could. 

"in here." he calls from his bedroom. you don't hesitate, your feet carrying you there. you've been anxious all day; he didn't call last night or even text like usual. you were on the verge of panicking when Penelope called. 

of course, you knew that was the risk with Spencer. he knew the risk, too. his life would always be in the balance when it came to the cases, but he'd gone through so many at this point, you weren't thinking about it. if you did, you wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. 

when you walk in, the first thing you see is Spencer laying in bed in his silk pjs. there's a stack of unread books on his bedside table. his glasses sit on top. he's just laying there with his eyes closed. 

"oh my god." you mutter, dropping your bag on the floor and walking over. he opens his eyes with a slight smile. there's a purple bruise forming across his throat, light but definitely there.  

"hi." 

"what the fuck happened?" you ask the question you've been wondering the whole way here. 

"he hit me with a plank." Spencer explains, the phrase coming out like he's still confused about it. "I'm fine, just a mild concussion and a bruise because he choked me." 

you take a second to assess if he actually means that he's okay, or if he's trying not to worry you. he stares at your expression for a second. 

"Y/N, I'm really fine." 

"you don't look fine." you gesture to the fact that he's laying in bed. 

"my body is sore, but nothing's wrong with me. I just can't look at screens or read." this last part makes him much more melancholy, it seems. you reach down and ruffle his hair playfully. 

"sounds like a nightmare." 

"it is." he cracks up. 

"I'm glad you're okay." you sigh. your heart rate has slowed to a reasonable pace now that you know he's fine. Spencer gives a ghost of a smile, and when he pats the empty spot on the bed beside him, you kick off your shoes and climb over his body to sit down. "so... did you guys get him?" 

"the unsub?" he turns his head to look at you. something is in his eyes that you can't read. "yeah, he's in custody. we saved the girl he abducted, too." 

"well, aren't you a hero?" you grin, pinching his arm. 

"ow!" he flinches. "don't hurt the patient."

"oh, so now you're injured?" you giggle softly. his smile fades a bit, gaze trailing from your face to your legs. it isn't lustful or anything, more like he's taking in your existence. it still makes your heart flutter. 

"I wasn't really a hero, anyway," he sighs. "I got knocked down before I even found her." 

"oof." you wince. 

"yeah, it's sort of embarrassing. I went in by myself and--"

"you went by yourself?" you clarify, turning to face him. of course he did. 

"yeah." he avoids your gaze. 

"Spencer, I work in a stationery shop and I know you're supposed to wait for backup." you deadpan. he snorts, staring straight ahead at the wall. his hair is flat in the back from where he's been resting it against the headboard. 

"he would have hurt her if I had waited." he explains. your heart softens a bit at this. you know Spencer has a problem with saving people; sometimes he doesn't think things through. but you know that it's only because he cares. 

you smile gently, appreciating what a beautiful person he is. you don't understand how other people don't see him how you do. your hand reaches for his suddenly, and you find yourself snuggling into his shoulder. 

Spencer doesn't usually like touch, but he welcomes this, dropping his own head to rest on top of yours while you both stare at the wall. his silence feels heavy, more than it usually does, and you wonder what he's thinking. 

"I'm really glad you're okay, Spencer." your tone is low, like it's a secret. 

"you already said that." 

"shut up." 

"you care about me." he sing-songs with a smile, and you know he means it in a friendly way, but you don't care. it brings warmth to your cheeks. 

"whatever. you care about me, too." 

he lets out a slight chuckle. "when I started to black out, I thought of you." 

your heart leaps, even though the reason is pretty dark. "oh, yeah?"

"mhmm." he hums. 

"nobody's ever told me that they thought of me in their last moments of life before." you tease. there are so many things you'd like to say, but know you can't. he smells like himself and coffee beans, his skin warm beneath the silk of his pajamas. 

"I'd hope not."

"anything in particular?" you wonder aloud. 

"what?" you feel him tense beneath you, and that's how you know there's something he's not telling you. 

"were you thinking about anything in particular?" 

"someone's full of themselves." he jokes. you smack his arm.  

"humor me." more than anything, you want to hear his thoughts. you know you're reaching, but you don't care. 

"just..." he pauses, the next words coming out almost too quietly to hear. "things I never got to say to you." 

"like?" now you're intrigued. 

"no way." he laughs and you groan, turning and realizing that you've both sunk deeper onto the bed and are now practically lying down. 

"c'mon," you prod. you've flipped onto your side while you watch him, his eyes directed at the ceiling. "what if you'd actually died?" 

Spencer gives you a look, and you wish you could snap a picture of his face. the gentle features, the warmth in his eyes. he stares at you differently than before, and it makes your stomach flip again. "I, um." 

you start to trace your index absently down his forearm, where his sleeve has incidentally gotten rolled up. his skin is soft. you know that this isn't a friendly thing to do, but something inside you craves his touch right now. you almost lost him; you can't imagine how horrible that would be. 

"I wanted to say that I--" he gulps, muscles in his shoulder tight beneath your cheek. "well, I care about you, and I... I really love you." 

it's not the first time he's said it, obviously in a platonic sense. what affects you is that he's acting like it's a big deal. 

"I love you too, Spence." you smile softly. his chest rises and falls faster, his face tensed. 

"no, I mean--" he turns onto his side, using the action to distract from his own nervousness. he holds your gaze and you forget how to breathe as he speaks. every syllable is serious, but you note his fingers fidgeting at his side. "I'm in love with you." 

it's like all the air in the room has been sucked out. you swallow, unsure of how to react at first. you don't believe what you're hearing, simply because it doesn't make sense. you've been friends for a while, now, but Spencer has never made a move to ask you out or acted like he wanted anything more. 

your heart swells. 

"you're in love with me?" the words even feel surreal on your tongue. he takes it as rejection.

"I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry." Spencer rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, his expression turning to a cringe. he's about to sit up to hide the red in his cheeks, but you pull him back down by the shoulder. 

"not so fast, crazy boy." the corners of your mouth are turning up into a grin. you can't help it; every nerve in your body is alive. Spencer loves you. he feels the same way. 

when he sinks back down onto the mattress and sighs, preparing to say something that rescinds the statement to erase any awkwardness, you grab his face and turn it to yours. you don't kiss him, only force him to look. 

"I'm in love with you, too." 

his eyebrows fly up in surprise. "r-really?"

"yes." you nod. 

he takes a second to process this. you see about five different expressions pass over his face, each one reminding you of how earnest he is. and it's absolutely adorable. 

"well, that's good, isn't it?" he clarifies. you pretend to think on it. 

"I'd say so, yeah." 

he smiles. a genuine, rare one that makes your veins feel as if they're full of glitter. you're on Cloud 9. 

"can I kiss you?" you ask him quietly. he seems surprised at this, too, like he never thought you'd want that, but then nods eagerly. 

you close the gap between you on the bed, holding his jaw in one hand while the other rests on his forearm. your lips meet softly at first. he's cautious, scared of pushing you away. he hasn't kissed many people before. but he's good at it, letting you take the lead. 

there's no way to adequately describe kissing Spencer. every bone in your body turns to mush, immediately craving more contact. you slide your tongue across his full bottom lip, and he lets you in. his affection is the most loved you've ever felt. because sure, you haven't had sex, but you've kissed people before. 

never like this. 

one of his hands goes up to wrap around your forearm tenderly before he shifts to lie on his side. you wrap around each other, turning the kiss into a full-body embrace as you breathe in. you want more. your leg swings over his torso so you can pull yourself closer, and he groans into your mouth when your pelvis presses against his. 

the kiss gets more heated, his hands carefully but hungrily traveling down the curve of your waist. you flip so that you're straddling him without breaking any contact. 

you don't really think about the way your hips begin to rock against his, your pussy involuntarily working for friction. there are so many happy chemicals in your brain right now, you giggle against his mouth when his body bucks up into yours. he groans. 

"Y/N..." he breathes softly. his hands move from your waist to your thighs, afraid to dig his fingertips in. 

"what?" you sigh, licking over his bottom lip again. he moans at the way you keep grinding on his erection. 

"I wanna--" his eyelashes flutter when he gasps. "I wanna touch you." 

"do it." your palm is resting tenderly against his cheek. he responds by finally holding you down, sliding his body up a bit to grind against your center. you whine. "touch whatever you want, Spencer." 

his cock twitches in his pants and you push the hem of his shirt up while he uses one hand to massage your tits. the voracious, curious nature of his attention makes you sigh, touching his stomach. he feels perfect beneath you. 

soon you're grabbing at each other without any regard for grace. he's so horny, he's pawing at whatever he can while you do the same to him. the kissing gives way to straight panting while you look at each other. 

"can I suck your dick?" you whisper. Spencer's eyes widen. you've never seen him nod so fast. 

you press your mouth to his one more time before inching down his body, sucking on his clavicle, then his stomach. careful to avoid the purple marks on his neck. he watches you intently, memorizing the details of this moment for later. when you reach the waistband of his pants, you peek up. he strains against the material. 

your mouth drops open and you draw your tongue over the clothed bulge, maintaining eye contact. Spencer throws his head back. his voice is high. "oh my god, oh my god." 

you smirk, licking it again. he clenches his jaw. "I'm gonna c-cum if you don't--" he tries for words, but he's mewling and moving against your mouth. you pull at his pants, hooking your fingers in his boxers and bringing them down, too. 

Spencer bucks into the air when his cock hits his stomach. it's big, precum leaking helplessly out of the tip while he whines. you want him now. 

"wow." you smile. he stares at you, tensing his stomach as you wrap your hand around his length. he's trying to keep quiet, but as soon as you spit on it and start to pump him, his head falls back into the pillow. 

you draw your tongue up the underside, paying special attention to the veins, reveling in his reactions. he looks like he's ascending to heaven when you start to suck on the first couple inches.  

"o-oh, fuck..." he keeps moving his hips off the bed for more, so you sink down further onto him, hollowing your cheeks and moaning. "Y/N..." 

you groan in response, feeling yourself get wetter with every sound he makes. you can't believe this is happening, the way he threads his fingers loosely through your hair in an attempt to touch more of you.

he tries to keep his eyes open while you suck, but they squint with pleasure. he's a mess for you, shuddering gently when you take nearly all of him into your mouth. 

before he can cum, you pull your mouth off of him with a satisfying pop. Spencer moans. 

"was that okay?" you ask carefully. this is the extent of your sexual experience, and you want to do more with him, but you aren't sure how he feels. your best friend stares back at you like you've turned his world upside down. 

"y-yeah," he replies. his face is flushed. "definitely okay."

he's throbbing, occasionally twitching against his stomach as he waits for more stimulation. you eye him carefully. 

"what do you feel comfortable doing?" your voice is smooth. "we can stop now, if you'd like." 

"I--" he chokes on the word. "I don't wanna stop." 

"do you want to have sex?" you ask. Spencer bites his lip, whines. 

"mhmm." 

"I wanna do that, too," you breathe out, straightening up and pulling your shirt over your head, unclasping your bra, before getting to work on your shorts. you know you're practically dripping. he's been more vocal, but you feel like you're going to implode from the desire. "but I need to tell you something." 

"what?" he tugs your arm, coaxing you back to him and touching you greedily. you giggle as you kick your shorts and panties off somewhere in the room. both of you move like awkward teenagers. 

"I'm a virgin." you say. 

Spencer frowns. "really?" 

"yeah," you lick your lips. "so you need to be careful." 

"o-of course." he blushes, getting nervous again. "you know I'm a virgin too, right?"

"I know." you smile. he returns it sweetly, and the commotion of your bodies slows for a moment. you're so happy, you could cry. 

"what?" he breaks the comfortable silence. 

"I'm excited," you shrug. he's got his hands on your waist, rubbing his fingertips over your skin. then you remember something. "wait, are you allowed to have sex with your... injury?" 

"it's fine." he reaches up and kisses your throat with an urgency. 

"did the doctor say that?" your eyes roll while he sucks on your neck. he groans and pulls down on your waist so that your stomach presses against his cock. he ruts. 

"second opinion from me." he pants. you tap his cheek playfully, move up his body until your core brushes him. he whimpers when you reach between your bodies and grip his length in your hands. 

"you ready?" your voice is low. Spencer squeezes your thighs, eyes moving between your tits and your face. 

"yes." he sighs. you position it, slicking him in your pussy while he wraps an arm around your waist and moans for more. your chests are pressed together, looking into each other's eyes while you slide him into you. 

you have to go slow, the intrusion causing your jaw to drop. you don't breathe. he's got his eyes rolled into the back of his head.  

"Spencer." you whimper, dropping your head onto his chest when he's fully inside of you. his fingers rub patiently over your back. 

"are you okay?" his voice is laced with a moan, trying to resist thrusting. 

"yeah, just a second." you wiggle a little bit to test the boundaries. it hurts, but it also feels good. your clit is begging for more pressure, so you start to roll your hips. Reid moans loudly. 

"Y/N..." he whimpers. "don't stop." 

"you want more?" the need in his voice makes you hornier, and you increase the pace, despite the slight pain. you're so wet, he slides in and out without much effort. 

"so-- much more." he's gasping, hands on your thighs as he watches your naked body writhe on top of him. he's never been more aroused in his life, spurred on by your scent and form and the tightness that keeps clenching around his cock.

he understands why people love sex so much, now. he wants it every day, wants to fuck you in every position and pleasure you. the sounds you release in his ear, whines and praises, he would do anything for more. walk to the ends of the earth to feel you cum on his cock. 

his hand finds your ass, squeezes it. 

"this feel good, Spence? fucking your best friend?" you talk dirty and he twitches. you're always so sweet, the words coming out of your mouth for him are going to send the genius into a tailspin. 

"mhmm," he holds you down so that he can thrust up. speaking at all is a struggle with the way he's feeling. "perfect." 

you start to say something else, but he hits a certain angle and you let out a quiet yelp, hips jumping at the pleasure. "I'm gonna cum." 

Spencer gets a rush of relief because it's taking everything in him right now not to absolutely lose it inside your pussy. he's hanging on by a thread. "me, too." 

you use your position on top to stimulate yourself. both of you chase your orgasms roughly, the rhythm you created degenerating into clawing excitement. 

"cum inside me, Spencer." you beg him. it sounds like you would do anything to feel it, that sensation that you've never experience but have always imagined. and Spencer, his own head foggy with ecstasy, nods and opens his mouth to let out a loud groan. 

"Y/N, fuck fuck fuck-- I'm--" he shoots his load inside of you, rutting wildly and letting his head drop onto the pillow while he pants. you can feel it. strange, lovely jolts of his seed spreading. your hands, which have been resting on his shoulders, tighten and you reach your climax. you flutter around him, both of you still moving to ease the intensity of the high. 

it's remarkable. you're crying out, having the most mind-blowing orgasm of your life. you never thought your first time would be like this. but you're glad it is, muscles tightening and releasing with the mixture of emotions. 

you collapse fully, him still inside. 

neither of you speaks. his heartbeat thuds against your ear, and you hold onto him like letting go would be the end of the world. you can't believe you could have lost him. you don't want to think about it. 

"sorry I came so fast." Spencer apologizes breathlessly. you can feel his cum dripping down your entrance when he slides out. 

"I don't care." you mumble. both of you stay there for a while, his heartbeat changing to a pace that reminds you of genuine excitement. like a hummingbird. 

"we can try again, sometime." he offers. you lift your head to rest your chin on his chest. his skin is flushed, pupils dilated, hair messy. such a pretty boy. 

"we should try multiple times." 

he gives you a cheerful smile, and everything starts to fall into place. you took each other's virginity. "Y/N?" 

he likes to say your name, and you love to hear it. "yes?" 

"are we dating?" the bluntness of the question makes you giggle. you don't hesitate. 

"yeah." 

“good.”

taglist (lmk if you wanna be added/removed!): @reidsconverse @voidsfilm @xoxomgg​ 

[jikseud]

[17:26]

pairings: felix x gender neutral reader

wc: 2147

genre: fluff with a bit of angst if u squint hard.

warnings: mentions of cheating (?), y/n being an ass idk what else, pls lmk if there are things to include hehe

a/n: I don’t really write that often soooo...

“I don't get why characters in horror movies are this dumb,” I whispered to Felix as we were watching this horror movie that we randomly found on Netflix. I heard him chuckle softly at my statement.

“That just adds to the thrill and interest, I guess,” he replied. He kissed my temple before pulling me closer to him.

My phone suddenly rang on the first half of the movie. I quickly went to see who it was and my heartbeat immediately picked up its pace after seeing the caller ID being “My love💖”.

Okay, now we're starting...

I am turning into a such a nervous wreck right now. My hands are starting to shake and my heart is starting to beat so loud that I could basically hear it in my ears. I stood up, looking at Felix silently excusing myself. I walked a little towards our room's window -which is not too far from where he is- before picking up the call.

"Hello? Sorry, I'm with him right now. I'll call you later," I ‘said’ quietly to the 'person on the other line' before ‘hanging up’. I looked up at Felix to see his reaction and saw that he's looking at me so seriously I felt my knees buckle. I tried to smile at him but failed nonetheless.

“Who was that?” he asked. I opened my mouth to answer him but nothing came out as my throat went dry. He raised his eyebrows at me. I lowered my head.

Okay, here we go.

"I-," I tried to speak but I just couldn't find the words. I sighed before looking back up at him. "It's no one," I told him, still trying to calm myself. He then rolled his eyes at me.

“If you're going to fucking fool me like this, then do better. I'm not stupid, Y/N. I clearly saw the caller ID,” he replied harshly. “And "I'm with him"? Really Y/n? If you're going to do this to me, give a little respect at least.” he added and my legs shook at his tone.

“Then why'd you still ask if you knew already?” I talked back quietly, too weakly for my own liking. He snickered.

“Because I wanted you to explain yourself at least,” he said and I swallowed hard.

“What's there to explain, though. You've already seen it, it's all that there is,” I told him and he scoffed.

“You could've at least told me where I went wrong... where everything went wrong? Y/n, you can't do this and expect me to not ask you for any explanation, I'm not as stupid as you think I am," he paused a little before continuing, "On what aspect of this fucking relationship was I lacking, huh? Are you getting too bored with me that's why you did this? Am I not enough for you anymore that's why you decided to find another one? Am I not loving you enough for you do this to me huh, Y/n? I thought we were having something special? I thought you said I was and will always be the one for you? What happened, baby? When did everything change? When did things go wrong between us? What did they do to get you sway that easily?” he questioned, his voice shaking from hurt. I sighed, every word was like a stab in my chest. He looked at me, his eyes searching mine for some explanation… any reaction. When they didn't give him anything, he spoke once again.

“When did this start?” he asked. My breath hitched. 

Well now, it’s working. 

It took me a while to answer but I did when I saw that he was getting impatient. “Just today,” I answered, stifling my laugh. He looked at me confusedly and I looked back at him trying to hide my smile.

“What do you mean ‘just today’?” he asked again.

I can't take this anymore...

“It's a prank, you dumbo!” I told him as he sat there, his confusion clouding him even more. I sat back down beside him as I tried to hug him but I was shocked when he moved away from me. “Why?” I asked. He stared at me with such hatred now and I couldn't help but feel nervous once again with the look he's giving me.

“What do you mean ‘Why?’ Y/n?” he asked. “You talk as if I didn't just caught you cheating on me,” he said. I gasped.

“Baby, I told you, it was a prank,” I replied with hurt in my voice. He looked at me, still not trusting my words. “I'm serious, Lix. It's just a prank. Do you not trust me enough? Go on and check if you want. I could never do something like that to you, you know that,” I told him with shaking eyes as I handed him my phone. He gave me daggers while he took my phone in his hand. When he finally held my phone, I felt my hand start to shake a little harder as I retreat it back and I think he noticed it with the way he glared at me.

“If you're being honest then what are you so nervous for?” he asked me skeptically. My eyes shot up at him, looking at him with wide eyes.

“H-huh, who said something about being nervous, h-hah-ah. Pffft I'm not nervous, shut up,” I told him. He glared at me once again before going back to checking my phone. I saw him swipe from left to right, probably looking for something that would prove my innocence.

It took him a few minutes -because he practically opened every single app in it just to be sure- before finally getting to the last page where he saw the widget labeled "To the man I love the most.💖" that I had prepared for him. I looked at his face just to check his reaction and then I saw him looking at it confusedly. He stared at it for a solid five seconds while his thumb was hovering over it.

The widget looked like it was excitedly shaking from my point of view, just waiting to be finally pressed and when the thumb above finally clicked on it, that's when all hell broke loose.

My mind had gone crazy by the time he started reading it. Tons of thoughts clouding my head and spilling continuously out of it like a water inside a broken dam, just like how every feeling I had has been spilling on Felix at the moment...

The widget leads to my notes app wherein a letter is written in a pink background. A color I know he really loves.

“To my baby,

Hello, my love! It's weird talking to you like this because I wasn't really fond of letters and all these sweet things but for you, I'm alright being cheesy and all that. First of all, I'm so sorry if I ever hurt you in the process of this thing... whatever this is... whatever it is that I did before you finally get to read this poorly written letter of mine which contains everything that I wanted to say to you but couldn't because I'm too shy hngg *insert cute face right here*. Anyways, I hope that you finally believe me that what happened before this was all a prank (the proof is literally beside this widget which is the Fake Call app, so don't fuck with me). Felix Lee, aka my sunshine, my happiness, my everything... I wanted to thank you for being the best man ever for me. Thank you for making me happy everyday, for taking care of me and or loving me every single moment that you have. You are seriously the best guy I have ever met (next to Harry Styles, of course... kidding) and I love you for that. I am so thankful that the Gods have given you to me (yes, bitch I own you... lol kidding again... but I'm not sure if this'll still be a joke after this though) and I am so thankful that you decided to stay with me even though I'm just... me. Felix, I don't know what else to say but just know that I love you and every single thing about you. I love how you scrunch your nose up whenever I make an awful joke but still try to laugh just to satisfy me (you're evil btw). I love how you cook for me when I don't wanna just because I'm too lazy (yes chef, go off!!!). I love how your eyes lights up when you're talking about something you love and something that you reaaally love doing (a.k.a ME). I love how your hair looks in the morning and even when you always say that you hate it, you still look so beautiful nonetheless. I love your freckles as well because it feels like I am looking at a sky full of stars and you're the sun wtf does that makes sense though? There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how so... Anyways, what I'm trying to say here is that, you are so amazing that I don't know how to put your amazingness into words and that I appreciate everything that you are. I love you, Felix and thank you for making me the happiest person in the world. But do you mind making me happier by marrying me?”

By the time he was finished reading my shitass letter, he was shedding tears with a smile on his face. Weird combination, I know. But it is so unfairly unfair how he still looks beautiful looking like this.

He stared up at me with tears still flowing out of his eyes as I slowly took the ring off from my own finger.

“I don't know what else to say to you, to be honest. I am so bad with words and you know that. I love you, though. I could go on telling you this everyday just to show you how much but I'm afraid I'd have to go on forever so will you finally answer my question and marry me? I promise I'd try and learn how to cook so you won't have to anymore… oh and I will try not to complain as much when you leave too much mess in the house,” I tried to joke just to lighten up the mood but I was confused when he started bawling out. I felt my eyes burn from tears as well and I let a few escape from them. "Why are you crying, stupid?" I asked wiping his tears off. He glared at me before pulling me into a hug and crying loudly on my shoulders. “Baby, stop crying, please. I don't know what's happening but I'm going to bawl out as well if you continue,” I told him. He sniffled before pulling away slightly.

"You... you bitch, I hate you so much for doing this to me," he said in between hiccups. "I hate you so much," he told me before bawling and hugging me again. I laugh at his cuteness even though I felt my hands shake once again. His possible answer finally clouding my mind.

I rubbed his back before kissing his neck lightly. "So are you gonna answer my question or what?" I asked him, getting a little impatient now because of nervousness. He pulled away from me.

"I hate you so much. I was supposed to be the one doing this and not you. I hate you," he said despite his eyes showing the exact opposite and still crying them out. "But just because we're here already, I have no choice but to say yes, I guess? Because I'd probably feel so bad if I rejected your goodass offer," He joked. I glared at him. "Kidding. I'd say yes anytime, you know that. I'd say yes a billion... trillion times," he told me and I smiled before putting the ring on his finger. He smiled so wide seeing the piece of jewelry on his finger before taking my face on his hand and kissing me hard.

"I love you so much, y/n," he told me after pulling away. I closed my eyes, feeling the moment. I leaned my face more to his touch.

"I love you more, baby. More than you could even imagine," I replied.

"Your prank is shit by the way," he stated after a while in silence as I hit him on the chest.

“Shut up, I still got you with my acting skills and you don't know how nervous I am while doing that thing when I didn’t have a solid plan,” I told him and he scoffed.

"Sucks for you then," he replied.

"Yeah? Well, sucks for you I'm not sucking you."

[nctsiren]

HYEYOUNG x JOHNNY

hyonny best couple i don’t make the rules i just enforce them

(yes i know this is a shit edit but this was requested and im excited so THIS IS FOR YOU ANON ILY)

PLEASE lmk what you think!! if u ever have any questions about them (or any of the ocs or reqs) i encourage you to send me asks! thank u loves, enjoy!!❣️

TAGLIST (hmu to join! applies to all of my ocs): @moonbeamsung @aqueenieme @atinygracie @jinsoulorbitzen12 @btshook​ 

THE BEGINNING:

hyeyoung met johnny in 2017, a bit after he debuted in 127

he came around the training center, since he had trained for so long and had friends there

he also liked to meet new trainees! he’s a super kind guy, he wants to try to be support for them, since he trained for So Long

when he first saw her he thought she was gorgeous

and vice versa, yknow. she was shy because he was a Debuted Idol AND a Handsome Man

yeah they both found each other attractive and that was. about it yknow? for a while

THEN in 2019, rumor was that hyeyoung would join an nct female unit

she was already friends with mila and lily, having trained with mila, and lily was friendly with trainees

but she started talking to the guys more, meeting them properly and getting used to them

and johnny was so .. you know how he is

she fell really quick tbh

lily noticed this QUICKLY and did what she could to make them interact and she THOUGHT she is what got them together

but johnny was texting her on the low .. he loved her the minute he had his first conversation (in person) with her

THE ~TALKING~ STAGE:

johnny is a Romantic™️ and we all know it

so this man COURTED her like a damn maiden

hyeyoung, evie, and gem: *arrive at the siren dorms and open the door*

hyeyoung, evie, and gem: ...

evie: hyeyoung who sent you twenty vases of roses

no that IS NOT A JOKE

literally an old movie romance, complete with the yearning and such

he always texted her good morning and good night

sent her coffee or tea on the low while she was training

“hello beautiful”

hyeyoung was lovestruck. she felt able to actually talk to him after a bit, and it was so easy for her to trust and feel close to him

she got shy when he did big gestures or sweet things- but it was making her fall HARD

and johnny? well he wasn’t MUCH better just more composed outwardly

our smooth, flirty bastard john ..

would absolutely GUSH about her to the members. smiling like an IDIOT at his phone

once lily said she couldn’t hang out because hye wasn’t feeling good and johnny’s heart DROPPED he didn’t know what to do

come to think of it he hasn’t gotten a text from her in a while :((

didnt she say she hadn’t had pizza lately?

and that’s how johnny ended up at the trainee girls’ dorm at 11pm with a pizza. and the dark chocolate she liked.

he watched a movie in hyeyoung’s room with her ALONE and she leaned into his side so

tbh it wasn’t a bad night

HOW HYONNY BECAME OFFICIAL:

hyeyoung was fr wondering if this would be anything

she was thinking about her career, yeah, but her heart YEARNED for him. she was falling in love with everything about him

she didn’t need the grand gestures, she just needed him

and, it probably goes without saying, but so did johnny

he stopped by her practice room with evie and gem one day

he had just finished his own practice and called hye closer to the door of the practice room she was in with the girls

cue lily practically shaking with excitement

“i don’t think this will seem out of the blue... do you wanna get dinner, sometime? as an actual date this time”

the smile she gave him nearly made poor john’s heart stop

“i thought you’d never ask” she responded, stepping on her tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek

CHEESY SMILE until jaehyun pulls him away

“howd it go, romeo?”

then they heard the girls squealing audibly and talking at the speed of light

“oh no big deal. just the most beautiful amazing woman on the planet likes me back”

NOW KITH:

the first date was literally later that night, in hyeyoung’s room, with takeout and the nicest red wine johnny could find

tbh he couldn’t wait and she was free that night

“keep the door unlocked!” - evie

the two just talked and laughed and the movie on the background was ignored

hyeyoung was used to feeling shy with people, but she was so comfortable early on. it felt right

and yeah the night DID end with them making out

with the door locked, screw you evie (johnny’s words, not hyeyoung’s)

they fell into being a couple very easily

they told the company a few months in to make life easier and surprisingly .. they were pretty okay with it, though they obviously had guidelines

they couldn’t be seen alone in public (sometimes they break that rule with masks and hats and disguises since the managers will let them sometimes)

a lot of their dates are in the siren dorms because it’s quieter and all of the girls have their own rooms

she comes around to the 127 dorms a lot

they couldn’t interact more than she would interact with the others, and absolutely no pda

((tbh with mila and lily, it’s more acceptable, since they grew up with their members, but the other three have stricter rules .. evie almost breaks them sometimes tho. and sometimes the guys will give casual, familial hugs to them))

they said they loved each other a few months in

johnny said it first, and hyeyoung said it back immediately

it was natural. they fully and truly love each other

they will 1000% percent get married, and they will do so whenever they can in the future

they want to keep their relationship quiet just because hyeyoung’s career has JUST started

but johnny wants to reveal it as soon as the company lets them because he wants the world to know he loves her with all of his heart

johnny’s parents have only met her over facetime, and they already love her. she talks to johnny’s mom a lot too

he has met her parents and siblings, and obviously they love him 

her dad is protective though since she’s his youngest daughter and his baby

johnny is still big on keeping the romance alive and planning things for her, always telling her how much he loves her, and showing physical affection

hyeyoung is a softer type of girlfriend, and she is big on quality time and expressing to him how much she loves him. 

they will never, ever doubt how much they love each other. forever type shit

HYONNYCORE

johnny and hyeyoung ARE mom and dad

especially to hyuck. hyeyoung LOVES him and thinks he can literally do no harm, similar to how she is with lily

mark used to have a crush on hyeyoung hehe but i think we ALL know he’s interested in someone else now ..

taeyong, yuta, lily, hyuck, jaemin, evie, ten, jungwoo, taeil, chenle, hendery, and yangyang are their biggest shippers. they believe in hyonny supremacy

jaehyun is OBVIOUSLY happy for his bro but he’s a chill, cool dude y’know ..

he’s johnny’s go-to though and he and hyeyoung have a very sweet friendship, jaehyun always looks out for her and makes sure she’s okay

johnny will be chill about the eventual rumors about hyeyoung and jaehyun tho because he knows there’s nothing there, and as far as he is concerned, that means that their relationship is safer without any lights on them

they aren’t jealous people (AHEM take note lily AHEM)

the two of them will still flirt with fans, and they rate each other’s flirty comments to fans

“nah, baby, that’s basic. be smoother”

“john, they literally just asked me to tell them i love them”

yeah they’re teased tho and you KNOW they are

ten is CRAZY dude he was already big on the innuendos but now .. goodness

he doesn’t step out of line tho and he’s more subtle and would never do anything to harass them (well mainly not hyeyoung because flashbacks to “i wanna have xxxx with you fatass! love you forever darling” johnten always wilding)

y’know that clip from stranger thing when that dude asks jonathan how the pull out was... “the couch”. yeah. stuff like that from ten

hyuck doesn’t tease them much surprisingly! because again. mom and dad

i can sum up mark in a single sentence:

“you guys are, like, perfect for each other, y’know? i’m happy for you guys, seriously.”

yuta teases sometimes, but chenji is RUTHLESS

if hyonny even looks at each other they’re like OOOOO HEHE GET A ROOM

most of wayv is .. well .. we know how wayv is

taeyong is so warm to them about it all and it’s super sweet. taeil loves them together and is unintentionally funny saying things about young people and love

the girls are PROTECTIVE of hyeyoung even tho they know johnny is perfect for her

lily is in a permanent state of trying to square up with johnny and hyeyoung thinks it’s funny

they have great reception overall, everyone loves them

sm family loves them TOO and heechul is the REAL captain of their fan club and red velvet as a whole loves them together 

do you know how many times they hear “awwwh cute!” 

spoiler: it’s a lot

GOD the two try to help lily with her love life and she hates it

they’ll end up trying to help everyone but lily is their focus

they have lots of couple-isms

“baby” “love” “honey” stuff like that

they have inside jokes

SO MANY PICTURES OF EACH OTHER

fashionable ass couple

he watches old films with her 

they’re the type of couple to slow dance in the middle of the kitchen

they both know like. they know what the other would order from where, what to do for them after a long/hard day

she knows how to make his coffee perfectly

johnny knows what temperature she likes her baths/showers and what wine she’ll enjoy most

hyeyoung knows where johnny’s back is most tense and his slight change in posture when he needs a massage

they know each other’s style, and they surprise each other with little gifts

they basically know each other like the back of their hand. two halves of the same whole

[withcolebrock]

Night Changes- Baby Brothers Part 1

Summary: Y/N goes into labor when something goes wrong.

Night Changes Masterlist

Warnings: descriptions of labor/pain, swearing, angsty stuff, lmk if I need to add more

Word Count: 3,956

Author’s Note: Sooooo HIIIII this is been a long while in the making, I spent two weeks writing this and I honestly low-key hate it  but this little two parter is needed to help complete the rest of the series so ahhhh yeaaaa. This also took sooo long bc I was contemplating killing Y/N, anywayyyy I hope you guys enjoy this angsty piece hehe. This is my Gif!!

For the last two months Y/N had been on bed rest due to her pregnancy becoming dangerous for herself and the babies. Throughout the start of the pregnancy her blood pressure was getting too high for her doctors’ liking. Even at the start of her pregnancy, her body always felt different. She was sick all the time, no matter the time of day. Her body was always in pain. Her experience was a complete one-eighty from her pregnancy with Serenity.

Colby had spent most of the past nine months doing everything he could to make sure Y/N didn’t even lift a finger. He drove Serenity to school, soccer practice, helped her with her homework, set up the nursery, and filmed for his channel and his channel with Sam. He was tired and stressed out all of the time, but all he cared about was how Y/N was doing. Of course she hated watching him do that to himself, but he promised he was doing alright.

Today was the day they were finally going to meet their little boys. Her doctor’s had decided to induce labor on her due date instead of waiting for a natural birth.

“Ren, Remember Uncle Sam is picking you up from school today,” Colby explained while he held shifty eye contact with his five year old girl sitting in the backseat. Her eyes were as bright as his and her hair had a slight curl to it.

“Why?” she asked quietly as she kicked her legs dramatically back and forth against her carseat. Colby shook his head lightly as he shifted his gaze back to the road.

“Because Mommy is having the babies today, remember?” Colby explained, his eyes shifted to the rearview mirror briefly looking towards Serenity. She gasped dramatically as her mouth fell wide open. Colby smiles widely as he lets out a soft chuckle.

“Really?!” The mispronounced word leaves her little lips as another loud gasp falls from her lips. Colby nodded dramatically, pulling into the pre-school parking lot. “No way!” she continues as she jumps excitedly in her car seat.

“Yes way!” he gasped as he slowly pulled into a parking spot. He took off his seatbelt while turning his body to face the backseat.

“Can I come with you?” she asked innocently while crossing her arms over her chest. Colby tilted his head slightly letting a pout fall to his lips.

“Renni, you’ll have more fun with Uncle Sam and Aunt Kat, I promise.” he smiled sweetly pretending not to see the dramatic frown to her lips, “Now unbuckle,” he spoke as he pulled the car door open. He slammed it shut and turned to open the backseat door. He leaned his head inside of the car, looking down to his curly haired daughter.

“I can’t, Daddy, Daddy help,” she groaned while pushing against the buckles several times. Colby pursed his lips forwards as he brought his hands to the buckles, unbuckling her with ease. She swings the belts over her shoulders as she hops out of the seat quickly. She jumps down from the car while reaching for Colby’s hand. Colby took a hold of her Barbie backpack and handed it towards her. She pulled the bag over her small body and continued walking with Colby.

~~~

He pushed open the door to his house while scrolling through his Instagram feed. He shut the door behind him as he continued walking through the house. He shoved his phone into his pocket as he pulled open his bedroom door. Colby lifted his eyes from the floor, glancing towards the bed. “Hey Love, how are you feeling?” he asked as he walked over to the bed slowly. He rested his hand onto the headboard while leaning down closer to her.

“I’m mad at you,” she commented while furrowing her eyebrows. Colby pursed his lips forward shaking his head slowly while his gaze shifted over her features. She frowned up at him while brushing a few pieces of her hair away from her face. “You didn’t let me say goodbye to my daughter,” she sassed, Colby half smiled while his eyes looked her features up and down.

“You needed to sleep, Babe,” he said while lifting her chin up lightly. She furrowed her eyebrows as she scowled towards him. “We can FaceTime her later, my love,” he explained watching her features soften. His lips curled upwards as he admired his wife, “How are you feeling?” he asked again sitting beside her on the bed.

“Like I’m carrying two watermelons in my stomach,” she sighed, Colby stifled a laugh as he glanced down to the big belly. He reached over and rested his hand over her baby bump. “I’m tired, Bub,” Colby titled his head, his eyes softening as he nodded lightly.

“I know,” he leaned over and pressed his lips against hers briefly, “Almost there, Love, then we will have three babies,” he raised his eyebrows and smiled widely.

“Don’t remind me,” she joked while leaning her head against the pillow. She placed her hands on top of Colby’s, Silence fell between them as they were both feeling the little movements from her babies.

“Speaking of babies,” he spoke suddenly as he pulled his hand away from her stomach. He looked down at his wrist and sighed, “It’s about time for us to leave,” he stood up from the bed and held out his hands for her to grab.

“You don’t even have a watch on, Colby,” she let out while taking a hold of Colby’s hands while swinging her legs slowly off of the bed. He shushed her playfully as he held her hands tightly helping her from the bed. “The bags are in the nursery, I’ll meet you in the car,” she said, walking towards the door as cautiously as she could. Colby stood still while watching her waddle away from him. He stifled a laugh as he exited their room. He began walking towards the nursery only two doors down from their room.

He pushed open the door to reveal the baby blue nursery. Each crib reads the names of the babies above them. It was mainly to help them remember who is who during the first few months of their lives since they are identical twins. The two seperate hospital bags were lying beside each other labeled with the babies' names on them. He quickly grabbed the bags and headed out of the room.

He headed towards the garage double checking everything in the house, making sure they had absolutely everything they needed. He placed both of the bags into the trunk before he headed to the driver seat. He started the car while looking towards Y/N. “Are you ready, Love?” his tone was low as he adjusted the music playing from the radio. She nodded her head as she clenched her jaw. Nerves began to take over her body as she took in a long slow breath.

Colby began pulling out of the garage and started heading towards the hospital. Y/N eyes widened as she asked, “Did you tell Serenity that Sam is picking her up?” Colby nodded his head, “What about that she may spend the night there?” he nodded his head again. “She’s going to think we are forgetting her,” Y/N said softly while she rested both of her hands onto her stomach.

“Y/N, Love, she's not going to think that,” Colby held shifty eye contact with her while he continued to drive. “You should’ve heard how excited she was for the babies. Apparently she’s been talking about it for months to her teacher and the class,” Colby tried his best to calm her nerves.

It was something the doctors were worried about already. Her blood pressure was constantly higher than what they would have liked. Now with the stress on the body and the anxiety the doctors are worried that Y/N could fall into distress and so could the babies.

“But Colby, we will have to spend more time with the twins and she’ll be sad that we aren’t paying attention to her. I just don’t want our little girl to be sad,” she rested her head against the headrest, shutting her eyes briefly.

“Baby, we’ll figure it out as time goes on, okay?” he spoke softly as he reached for her hand, squeezing it lightly. “We are just going to take it day by day,” He slowly began running his fingers along the top of her hand.

The drive to the hospital was quick and easy, they found a parking spot close enough to the front entrance of the hospital. Colby immediately jumped out of the car heading straight to the trunk. Y/N pushed her door open and began climbing out of the car slowly. Colby slammed the trunk while walking towards Y/N, she shut the door behind her and leaned her body against it. “Ready?” he questioned while raising his eyebrows, throwing the bags over his shoulders. She took in a long breath before nodding.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered as he leaned forward pressing his lips to the top of her head. She started walking towards the front entrance of the hospital, Colby walked slightly behind her watching her every movement.

~~~

The checking in process was a lot less longer than they thought it was going to be. As soon as they walked up to the nurses station in the labor and delivery unit they were placed in a room. While she was changing into a hospital gown, Colby was laying down on one of the sofas FaceTiming his mom.

“How is she doing?” she asked over the phone. Colby ran his fingers over his lips as he glanced towards the bathroom door.

“She’s really nervous for this one,” he started, “I don’t know if it's because it's twins, or that she’s worried for Renni. I mean it’s probably both but, Mom, I don’t know what to say to make her feel better,” his mom was quiet on her end for only a few seconds as she stared towards her son on the phone.

“Well, she’s been on bed rest for months and now she’s finally going into labor, that’s scary. And she has a daughter who’s a ball of energy, that’s going to be hard to bring in two small babies into the mix. But, just make her feel comfortable, baby, that’s all you can do.”

Colby sighed as he glanced towards the bathroom door, “Yeah, I’ll try, but I gotta go Mom. I’ll keep you updated,” he said while he smiled towards the phone, “I love you,” he said before he ended the call. Shortly after Y/N walked out of the bathroom, holding her clothes she changed out of. He stood up and walked towards her reaching for her clothes. She gladly handed them towards him, as she continued walking towards the bed.

“Alrighty guys, I’m Nia, I’ll be your main nurse for today,” Nia said while she walked into the room dragging a tray table full of different needles and a few other things to help monitor the labor. Y/N slowly sat down onto the bed while smiling politely towards her. Colby gave her a small wave as he walked towards the side of the bed. “I’m just going to need to get a few testing before we start the induction process,”

She began taking a hold of a few different monitors and began placing them around Y/N chest to monitor her heart rate. Nia continued putting on all of the monitoring devices onto Y/N while asking questions about the babies and their family life. “So do you guys have any other kids or are these guys your first?” she asked as she began drawing Y/N’s blood.

“We have a daughter,” Colby answered while glancing towards the clock on the wall. Serenity wouldn’t be leaving school for another four hours. She asked a few more questions about Serenity, complimenting them about her name.

“Okay,” she smiled widely as she pulled her gloves off of her hands, “It’ll be a couple of minutes before we can start the induction process, we have to wait for the blood work to process and yada yada. But you guys just relax for a while, if you guys need me just hit that little red button,” she took the tray and left the room quickly.

Colby pulled a chair closer to the bed, sitting down beside her. “She’s peppy,” he whispered while widening his eyes briefly. She stifled a laugh as she arched her back lightly. She hissed in pain as she slowly adjusted her body on the bed. Colby's smile faded lightly as he watched her. “What’s wrong?” he asked innocently as he looked her body up and down. She placed her hand behind her back while she tilted her head towards him.

“I’m okay,” she whispered as she gazed into his eyes. He leaned his body forward while he rested his elbows on the mattress.

“Are you sure?” he breathed while his lips fell into a pout. She nodded while the corners of her lips curled up slightly. He leaned forward slowly, as his gaze flickered down to her lips. A grin forms to his lips as he rests a hand onto her check, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. “Let’s have some babies, yeah?” he whispered against her lips. A small chuckle falls from her lips as she leans her head against the pillow.

~~~

It had been six hours since the induction process and the labor process was slowly becoming worse than the process was with Serenity. She squinted her eyes shut as she tightened her jaw. She quickly began squeezing Colby’s hand as another contraction started. “Another one?” Colby asked as he straightened his body, she nodded softly as her other hand wrapped around the railing on the bed. “You’re doing so good,” he whispered while he pretended not to feel anything from her hands.

Suddenly, Colby’s phone began ringing. He pulled it from his pocket seeing Sam’s name written over the screen. “It’s Sam,” he commented as he slid his finger across the screen, “Hey,” Colby whispered as Sam’s face came onto the screen.

“How’s it going?” Sam asked. Serenity’s voice was loud in the background alongside Kat’s.

“It’s been rough, but she’s pushing through, How’s Ren?” Colby smiled towards Y/N while glancing back towards his phone. Y/N slowly released her hand from Colby’s as the contraction slowly began to ease.

Sam laughed lightly at the question, “She’s Renni, that’s for sure,” he commented. Colby and Y/N chuckled as the words left Sam’s lips. “She’s about to eat some Mac and Cheese with dino nuggets. Which Kat and I are gladly going to eat as well,” Sam showed the boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese alongside a bag of dino nuggets into the frame. “Here, you guys can talk to her,” Sam commented as he shuffled across the room handing his phone to the little girl.

“Mommy! Daddy!” she yelled through the phone. Colby handed the phone over to her. Y/N beamed as she stared at the phone screen. “Did you have babies?” she asked.

“Not yet, Renni, but soon. How are you doing?” the conversation lasted only for about five minutes before yet another contraction had started. Y/N did not want Serenity to see her mom hurting, so she quickly handed the phone over to Colby.

“Alright, Baby Girl, we have to go,” Serenity started whining on her end of the phone, “Ren, please be good for Uncle Sam and Aunt Kat, we love you,” Colby said while smiling softly.

“Okay,” she huffed while frowning, “Love you,” she replied while Colby had ended the call. Colby sighed as he shoved his phone into his pocket. A few seconds later, a few nurses, alongside Nia, and the midwife had entered the room.

“Alright, Momma, let’s have a look,” the midwife, Chloe, had said while putting on gloves. She sat down into the stool while helping Y/N place her legs up. Y/N kept her gaze towards Colby, she found comfort just looking into his eyes for only a second.

“So good, Love,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair. She rolled her eyes playfully as she smirked. Chloe smiled as she stood up from the stool removing her gloves. She motioned one of the nurses to get a pair of new gloves. Colby and Y/N stare at her expectantly.

“It looks like you are fully dilated, Y/N,” she smiled towards the two of them. A nurse walks towards her holding out the gloves, waiting for Chloe to put them on. “We are going to get started right away, are you okay with that?” she smiled widely as she began walking towards the stool. Y/N’s face paled as she turned her full attention towards Colby. Her eyes scanned his features as he smiled widely with his cheeks flushed red.

Colby nodded reassuringly as he shifted his gaze towards Chloe. “The next contraction, you are going to start pushing,” she rested her hands on top of her knees as she waited for the contractions to start.

~~~

“I can’t-I can’t do this anymore,” her head fell against the pillow as she took in a rushed breath. Her lips trembled as her eyes teared up more.

“You got this, Love,” Colby whispered in her ear as he pressed his lips against her cheek briefly. She shook her head as a sob left her lips.

“No I can’t, it hurts-I have to stop, please I can’t,” she cried out, each breath leaving her lips shorter than the last. Colby didn’t know what to say as he ran his hand along her back soothingly. His gaze shifts towards Chloe sitting at the edge of the bed, his eyes furrowed together angrily.

“Yes you can, Y/N. You’re almost there, one more push,” Chloe smiled reassuringly as she rested her hands on top of Y/N’s knees. “One more,”

“You said that last time!” Y/N cried out as she continued shaking her head.

“I know, I know, but I promise you this next one, will do the trick,” Chloe spoke as the next contraction started, Y/N took in a long shaky breath. She began pushing, as she cried out again in pain. “Almost there, look at that!” she cheered as the little boy was finally born. Loud cries left his mouth, “Okay, okay, you have a baby boy!” After cutting the umbilical cord she walks away from the bed carrying the little boy towards one of the tables.

Colby smiled widely towards Y/N, “We have a baby boy,” he raised his eyebrows as he ran his fingers through her hair. Y/N breathing started to quicken as she gasped for air. Reaching for his hand, she squeezes it a few times. Colby’s eyebrows furrowed together as he shifted his gaze down to their hands. Nia walked over to the bed, glancing towards the monitor and towards Y/N several times.

“Something’s wrong, Co-Colby something’s-,” she gasped as she tilted her head back against the pillow. Colby’s face lost its color as he stared towards Y/N. A few nurses took over Chloe’s spot of taking care of the new baby boy, while Chloe moved towards Y/N.

“Put oxygen on her,” she pointed towards the mask behind the bed while glancing towards the monitor, she brought out her stethoscope and began listening to her heart. A nurse placed the mask delicately on her and then backed away. She nodded a few times before wrapping it around her neck. “Start her on an IV drip,”

“Doctor,” Nia had said softly while holding a phone against her chest. Nia was already a few steps ahead on what Chloe was planning on doing. Chloe looked back towards her and nodded.

“Tell them it needs to be ready when I get there,” she commented as she stepped away from the bed, “Prep her for the c-section,” Several nurses started working together to prepare her. “Colby you need to step back,” she commented as she started walking to where he was sitting. Colby shook his head several times as he kept his gaze towards Y/N.

“No, no what’s going on?” he asked angrily as a few nurses rested her hands onto him and lightly pushed him away from the bed. “No, stop-”

“Colby, your wife is in distress,” Chloe rested her hand onto his arm trying to calm him down. “Her heart is overworking and she isn’t getting enough oxygen,”

“What does that mean?” his voice cracked as he fought off his tears. Within seconds Y/N was starting to be wheeled out of the room, “Where are you taking her?” he stumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“We have to do a c-section to get the baby out because he isn’t getting enough oxygen,” she explained, “We have to get him out soon or we can lose them both,” Colby’s eyes widened as he rubbed his eyes several times.

“What the hell are you still standing here then?!” he yelled, throwing his hands in the air. She smiled weakly as she started heading out of the room heading to the OR. He stood still for a while as he stared towards the spot on the floor where the bed was once at. He quickly wiped his eyes avoiding the tears that were about to fall down onto his cheek.

“Mr. Brock,” Nia walked into the hospital room while taking slow steps towards him. Colby blinked several times as he shifted his gaze over to her, “Would you like us to call someone to sit with you,” Colby shook his head while he pursed his lips.

“Uh, no, I’m good,” he forced a smile.

“Come with me, I’ll show you where you can wait,” she motioned towards herself as she continued walking towards him. Colby nodded as he followed her out of the room.

His phone started to ring in his pocket as he sat down on one of the waiting room chairs. Pulling it out, he noticed his Mom’s name written on the screen. He sighed as he answered the phone. “Hey! How are you guys doing? Any babies yet?” she chripped. Colby took in a shaky breath as he stared at his hand.

“Uh-um, yeah but uh-” he stuttered as he wiped his hands across his lips.

“What’s going on, Love?” her voice became tremolous as she listened to her son.

“She’s not okay, Mom, she’s-I don’t know, Mom what do I do?” he cried into the phone.

“Okay, okay, calm down, tell me what’s going on,” she asked calmly. Colby tried his best to explain the situation but he was at a loss for words.

“I could lose her, Mom,” His body began to run cold as he whispered the words. His mom stayed silent for only a few seconds as she thought about what to say next.

“My love, you will not lose her, she is going to be fine,” she tried to reassure him. Colby sighed while he stood up from the chair, “Colby,” she said softly. He hummed in response while began pacing. “Have you held your son yet?” Colby stopped dead in his tracks as his lips quivered.

“N-no, so much had happened, I uh-”

“Colby, please go hold your son,” she paused, “Babies have all the answers,” Colby nodded his head but didn’t respond right away. He pulled his phone away from his ear as he walked towards the nurses station.

[yelenasdog]

bonnie and clyde (billy/4 x fem reader)

genre: angst

summary: there were five people at the funeral of billy jones. why did two, more specifically one, of them leave?

words: 1.3k

warnings: just vv sad my guy. literally no fluff i hate it here </3 mentions of death, billy’s funeral, and crying.

a/n: yo so idk if billy’s last name is jones but i saw someone on here refer to him as billy jones and i think it’s just bc of ben’s last name but anyway LMFAO. i for some reason couldn’t stop thinking abt this and so i wrote it (as one does fkefnkerjn). also y/n was not used so if u wanted to read this as an x another character or x an oc it would work as well. enjoy :)

🌃🌃🌃

There were five people at the funeral of Billy Jones.

This was common knowledge who would listen long enough to hear the vigilante talk about the experience he had only seen from afar, his own heart growing tender during, or at any mention of, the moment.

But Billy always failed to explain the situation with a full grip, to its entire truth. As to why, most anyone could figure out.

He was afraid.

Afraid of getting her hurt, afraid of thinking of her for just a moment too long, afraid of his impulse driving him to get his ass right back up and go say he still loved her.

Four was afraid of a plethora of horrible scenarios that could occur if he let the truth about his funeral slide to anyone except One (which was bad enough that he had to know by default as it was).

And the irony of it all, was how miniscule and ineffective something like who had left his funeral early and as to why, would be to anyone else on the team.

Sure they all had their secrets that would seep into the pool that was their little family, Three’s mother, One’s lover, Two and Three’s infatuation with each other (though, that one wasn’t really a secret).

Not to mention, Four despised painting her in a bad light, allowing others to think for a fraction of a second that she didn’t leave because her already frail heart couldn’t handle to see her beloved’s name etched onto a gray stone in a patchy field of a horrible green, couldn’t handle the idea that their Bonnie and Clyde reminiscent days (minus the killing of 13 people, that is) had come to an end.

There were two people at the funeral of Billy Jones who left early.

The first? An old friend from his hometown.

He was a wealthy businessman now, having abandoned the life of pretty crime and rush of his youth. He showed up to Four’s not-so-celebration of life in an ashen tux with an obsidian tie and shiny oxfords, and barely a minute into the service he had begun checking his shiny Rolex, probably counting down the seconds until he would be considered late to some important meeting for whatever corporate hoax he was a part of to be able to stay afloat. How ironic.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

The sound was like nails on a chalkboard to her, while the action itself felt like somewhat of a betrayal, even though Billy and the businessman hadn’t talked in years. It was a kind enough gesture that he had even come to begin with.

But she didn’t care.

Because before the service had even started, salty droplets were rolling down her reddened cheeks, dampening her hoodie, his hoodie, that she had coiled so tightly around herself and her limbs, almost like a corset.

So when the businessman turned to go after what could maybe have been a measly few minutes, she could barely control her anger.

But she did, for Billy. She sucked it up and stayed put, keeping her eyes trained to his mother who was now speaking, her striking emerald eyes also obviously wet. But in reality, Billy had wanted his former lover to turn around and smack that prick square in the face.

But then 4 took some time and realized that if it were the other way around and she had been dead, he could conjure in his mind how distressed he would be to where he would prefer to focus on wallowing in his sadness for her and her only, not be consumed by anger for some random fellow.

Billy truly wanted to leave One where he stood, wanted to run to where her shaking was escalating from ever so slightly to violently as could be, wrapping her in his strong arms she already missed. The strong arms that she believed should have kept him safe when he was dangling from that damned building with that damned necklace in his mouth.

The image could have been some renaissance painting with how beautiful he looked, even then, on the brink of what the world would know as the death of Billy Jones.

In fact, most of Billy’s and the girl’s adventures could be different renaissance paintings. Alive and free, bursting with vibrant colors and emotions that weren’t able to be captured with words, so rather, they were thrown on a canvas in what was somehow a meticulously put together flurry.

On that rainy day, the weather so fitting to what she had been feeling, she wished for nothing more than to somehow place herself back into those non-existent paintings, to even for a fraction of a second bask in his never ending love like some sort of oasis.

She wanted to run her fingers through his golden curls one last time, kiss his forehead goodnight one last time, to tell him she loved him more than anything in this universe, one last time.

But she didn’t, and she wouldn’t ever get to.

And her one final chance to say what she wanted him to hear, she had missed out on, as that’s when she had left.

It was long after the uptight man in the fitted suit, long after his crying mother had gone from where she was speaking up front, back to the shadows of her baby’s grim event that she should never have had been alive to see.

She had managed to drag herself halfway up to where his casket was sitting just above the ground, trying to not look at the box a second too long.

Rather, she pretended there was a pair of rose colored glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose, helping her pretend that this was all some big misunderstanding, that Billy was just pulling one of his infamous pranks.

He would pop out from behind the tent covering the few who stood with their feet shifting on the damp soil, or perhaps from the headstone of his very own grave. She would gasp or shriek and then smack his arm, lecturing him as he grabbed his chest, doubling over in laughter, the sound like music to her ears.

God, what she would do to hear that sound one more time.

Nevertheless, in the end he would stand up, and wipe her tears from her sweet face, pressing gentle kisses on either of her cheeks to rid her of that pout he hated to admit he loved. She would crack a small smile and he would punch a celebratory fist in the air at the gesture, leaving her to only shake her head at his antics. He would sling an arm around her shoulders, nustling close to her as they would exit the graveyard, never coming back until the inevitable day they both had lived their happiest and fullest lives together.

He would say “You know you love me.” And without a doubt, every time, she would say “Yeah, I do.”

But not this time.

This time, she would let her eyes wander to a tall tree just over the hill, slimming her puffy eyes. She rubbed them and did a double take, and swore that for a moment she had seen what looked like his figure next to one of someone she had never seen before.

And that’s when she left.

She let out an ugly sob, running as fast as her feet could take her to wherever that wasn’t there, the sound of her shoes against the cold ground muted, but the sound of her uneven breathing was anything but.

As for all she knew, it was her mind playing a cruel, cruel, trick on her. Or even her mind trying to give her some sort of closure to move on.

Whatever it was, though, was simply too much for her to process, too much to handle. So she had left, given up on what she didn’t know was her only chance to give a proper goodbye.

“You think she saw you?”

“I hope so.”

🌃🌃🌃

we vibing w this?? i hope so hehe. WAIT PUN NOT INTENDED LMFAO I DID THAT PERIODT! anyway, have a wonderful day/night, and go drink water and eat protein, it’s all abt intention!! i love u! also if u have any questions abt this fic pls do lmk bc ik some of it was kinda weird! 

p.s., pls pls pls reblog this! this is my first ben related fic and ik when it’s ur first fic for a fandom they can flop so it would be very cool if y’all could help me out a lil bit :) either way ily, thank u! kk bye

xx hj

[princessofqueensandkings]

“make the time”: Tetsuro Kuroo Toru Oikawa and Wakatoshi Ushijima headcanon

Summary: Volleyball has been taking up a lot of their time and their s/o is supportive but also feels neglected because they do not spend any time together.

WARNING: NONE, JUST FLUFF (gender neutral reader)

Kuroo

• Always wants to make time for you but volleyball is his first love and sometimes he has a hard time balancing you and volleyball • You are understanding and you love him dearly but when’s the last time you guys even hung out? Did he not like you anymore? Should you tell him? You do not want to be clingy, but you miss him a lot. • You decide to start distancing yourself from him because you are afraid of him not understanding • He immediately notices your absence; you stop showing up to his practices, and avoid him in the halls • Even Kenma asks where you were (you were the only s/o that he liked lol) • This goes on for about a week until he can’t stand it up more • He waits for you after the last class to confront you about your absence • “Hey babe, did I do something wrong?” His usual confident demeanor is gone, he just wants to know what he did wrong so he can make it right. • “Huh? What do you mean?” You’re confused, you thought he needed some space to focus on volleyball. You know how important volleyball is to him, you know all his hopes and future goals and it would kill you to get in the way of that. You missed him dearly, you wanted to do nothing more than to hold him and spend time with him. • “I haven’t seen you at all this week. I missed you. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me, you don’t even come to my practices anymore. I always walk you home afterwards but last week I couldn’t find you at all.” • You finally understand that this separation wasn’t good for both of you. You explain to him that his passion for volleyball has made you back away from him in fear that you would get in the way. • He’s surprised to say the least, he loved you so much. How could you ever get in the way? “Kitten, nothing you can do can ever get in the way. I love volleyball but you come before anything. My soulmate, my other half, the one who can call at 2 in the morning to tell cheesy chemistry jokes to.” He chuckled “ I’m sorry you felt that way baby, I don’t want you to feel second place to anything.” • You smile, you knew Kuroo had a way with words but your heart never stops racing when he professes his love for you. “You’re right Kuroo, I should of told you how I felt instead of holding it in.” • “Don’t apologize Kitten, I should have been paying more attention. Come on let’s go to the ramen shop you like.” • “Umm but don’t you have practice babe?” • “Kitten, this day is about me and you. When’s the last time we hung out?” • You laugh “Okay lets go.”

Oikawa

• You start distancing yourself because of all the focus he puts on volleyball. Volleyball is his one number focus and then you. So, it definitely comes as a surprise when you hear a knock on your door and see him standing there with flowers. • “Toru? What you are doing here?” You asked • “Y/NNNNNN” he whines “Are you breaking up with me?” He asks • You’re shocked, what is he talking about? You loved him more than anything. • “What are you talking about?” You ask • He starts to list everything that you did that day,” First you didn’t give me a good morning text, then when I saw you at school I didn’t get a good morning kiss, and THEN you went to eat lunch at the cafeteria even though it’s a sunny day. You know on sunny days we always eat outside together. And FINALLY when my practice was over I spent 20 minutes waiting to walking home with you, only to look at my phone and see you texted me that you went home already” he whines again “You’ve don’t love me anymore, that’s why you been avoiding me” He frowns and pushes the flowers in your hands “Please don’t leave me baby.” Then he gives you the puppy face to end all puppy faces. (aww why did you do that to him, meany hehe) • You’re stunned, you knew Toru payed attention more than he let on, but you had no idea he was this focused on you. • “Toru, the only reason, I’ve been giving you space because I know the volleyball tournament is coming up and you need the least amount of distractions possible.” • “Aww y/n!!!! I love you even more” He brings you in for a hug, he used to people telling him he focuses too much on volleyball and how he should take breaks. Even his group of fangirls get mad when he can’t talk to them because he wants to focus on his serves for the next game. But you always understood him, you always make him feel like he has nothing to hide for you. “Y/N, I appreciate the thought you put into your actions but just know that you don’t ever have to feel like you need to distance yourself away from me to make me better, I’m better when I’m with you, not away from you. If you ever feel like you need to talk to me, don’t hold back. Okay?” He exclaims • You smile “okay, I won’t do that again” • “Promise?” He asks as he walks into your house and sits on the couch • “Promise.” You say as you walk up behind him to give him a kiss. “Okay I’ll get the popcorn.” Already seeing that he has the remote to turn on Netflix. • “Movie night!” he yells “And hurry up you have to repay me in cuddles for ignoring me all day.” He pouts. • The rest of the night you two spend in each other arms watching movies • The next morning Iwaizumi comes up to you “Please don’t ignore Shittykawa anymore he was annoying more than usual yesterday.” He rolls his eyes as you laugh “Sorry Iwaizumi!”

Ushijima

• OHLORD this poor baby • Tbh he won’t really notice that you start to distance yourself. • You and Toshi have been dating for a while and he loves that you aren’t clingy and you able to do your own thing. • But really you are distancing yourself because he isn’t really giving you attention because of volleyball. • This poor boy eats and sleeps volleyball so when you came into his life, he knew that he had to make changes, but he just didn’t know how. • It wasn’t until Tendou notice your absence and asked Toshi about it. That when he really started to miss your presence. • Practices were usually a place where he could completely free his mind, yet he couldn’t stop thinking about you. He couldn’t even focus on what mattered in practice. • Eventually he lied to his coaches and asked to go home early because he wasn’t feeling well. He went to your class hoping that you might still be there. • He found you studying in your classroom because you had a test tomorrow and wanted to get as much information as possible. You were so focused in your studies that you didn’t hear him enter. • “Y/N?” He walked in and sit next to you. • “Toshi?” you said, “What are you doing here, what about practice?” • “I was talking to Tendou and he said he hasn’t seen you lately. He thinks you might be mad at me, are you?” He asks • You couldn’t help to notice the hint of worry in his voice. You knew that he loved volleyball for a long time so it made sense that he didn’t notice you gone without Tendou’s help but it still hurt to know that it toke his best friend to notice your absence. • “Well,” you started “I know that volleyball is everything to you and I’m starting to feel like I’m getting in the way of your future.” You looked at him and his expression didn’t change so you continued, “I mean you’re Wakatoshi Ushijima, the great ace, what am I? Nothing.” You get up to leave. Saying everything you thought didn’t make it hurt any less. You just need to get out of here but Toshi grab your hand. • “Nothing?” he questions “You think that you’re nothing? Y/N, you’re everything to me. To everyone else I’m, Wakatoshi Ushijima, the great ace, but to you I can just be Toshi. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice your abscess at first, I thought that you wanted to your space and I wanted to give you that but now I know that you think so little of yourself and that isn’t true. I love you. Please know that.” • Your eyes start to water, Toshi never been one for words, his actions spoke for him but hearing him acknowledging him love made you heart soar. “I love you too, Toshi” you explain “I was so worried that I wouldn’t live up to the expectations of being your s/o but I’m starting to understand that as long as we’re both happy that’s all that matter.” You lean up into your tippy toes to give him a kiss, he happily leans downs and returns it. • “Can I walk you home?” he asks • You giggled and give him another kiss, “Of course, Toshi.”

`````````

Okay hope you guys enjoyed this!!! I got this idea from talking with @aoi-turtle so please check them out!! lmk what else you guys want, my inbox is open!! love yall :) (OPEN TO ANY FEEDBACK) 

[shuatoyou]

yayay okok hear me out: LEE JIHOON. hes back from work. a bit stressed, but ok overall. ms y/n comes over and tries to calm him down. he gets worked up. a lil fight, ending up in y/n leaving the apt/dorm for the night. u carry on the story however u want!!! if ur not comfy writing angst please lmk so i can apologize and send a different ask! thank u and im good as well hee hee :)) ily SO MUCH u are my baby :')

u r too good for this world pls. thank u for the request i hope u like this one <3 ily bunches

don’t hesitate to send reqs whenever i love receiving them from u btw

jihoon x reader ft some jun & soonyoung hehe

the faint slamming of the door could be heard from your spot in the lounge signalling jihoon was finally home. the said boy walked into the room completely disregarding your presence leaving you slightly confused as you followed him into your shared bedroom.

“is everything okay babe?” you ask lifting a hand up onto jihoons shoulder but you receive no answer and your hand shook off, so you proceed to ask again much to your boyfriends dismay as he unpacked his work bag.

“do i look like i’m dancing on clouds right now y/n?” jihoon responds this time only to stun you with the harsh tone of his voice.

you stand there in awe at the way he spoke to you watching him throw his mic he takes around onto the desk, you flinch a bit at the sudden impact of the mic hitting the table.

“did something happen at work? we can talk about it over some hot dr-”

“y/n why do you have to be so persistent can you just leave me alone?” jihoon turns around harshly only to be met with your shocked and unpleased face.

“woah there. i don’t understand why you’re taking your anger out on me when i’m trying to be nice and be there for you considering you’re my boyfriend.” you tried to speak with reason but you felt yourself getting angrier and more upset at each word.

“i’ve already expressed i’m not in the mood you could just give me space” jihoon speaks out louder this time

you shake your head in disbelief at the fact he was acting this way.

“fine i’ll give you space in fact you can have the whole house maybe you should yell a bit more at the furnitures while im gone.” you resort to yelling along with him now; something you despise so much.

at this point both of you were angry and frustrated at eachother but you knew wasn’t worth going back and forth, so you grab your hoodie and walk out the bedroom and eventually the house, mimicking jihoons door slam from when he had first entered.

you knew junhui and soonyoung lived down the road not too far so you decided to make the 2 minute trip walking over to theirs with no other options once you had made the rash decision to walk out of your warm apartment on a cold day. many regretful decisions there.

“y/n?” junhui was shocked to see you at their door at 11pm to say the least.

“is everything okay why are you here so late? wheres jihoon?” he begins asking spitting each word out quite quickly.

“can i come in is that okay?” you smile weakly at the taller boy.

he nods moving to the side and shutting the door behind you directing you to their lounge.

“oh hi y/n wheres jihoon” soonyoung repeats his roommates previous question with his signature smile pulling through.

“he’s at home” you respond standing a bit awkwardly, you weren’t used to being in other members companies without jihoon.

jun pats the seat near him.

“do you want anything?” 

“water is okay” you let soonyoung know and he skips off into the kitchen causing you to let out a small unnoticed laugh.

“so whats up?” jun questioned again wrapping his blanket tighter around him. he was clearly cold.

“jihoon. he came home really mad and we had a little argument” you sigh before continuing “he told me to give him space so here i am” 

“you and jihoon argued? what the hell” soonyoung walks in right as you said that handing you your glass of water.

you nod take a sip of the hydrating liquid.

“i dont understand why he was so angry when he got home” you scoff “especially when i was trying to be nice.”

“he got really frustrated today during practice and producing for the comeback, but we didnt think it was bad enough for him to be that way at home too.” soonyoung admitted following with an apology

“its not your fault dont apologise i wish he would talk to me rather than take it out on me you know. maybe its my fault for pushing”

jun and soonyoung sighed one after the other.

“does he know you’re here?” jun spoke up this time.

“no i didnt really say where i was going when i left.” you mutter playing with the hem of your sleeves

right on point your phone buzzed multiple times notifying you of a message causing you to perk up and take your beloved mobile out the pocket of the hoodie you were in.

you let go of the breath you wasnt even aware you were holding anymore.

“was that jihoon?” soonyoung asks now.

“yeah, he’s coming to pick me up so we can talk..”

“its up to you if you’re ready y/n” jun reassures you with soonyoung giving you an agreeing nod to his roommates words.

“it’ll be fine, im sorry for barging in so late you guys must be tired” you apologise feeling bad.

“dont worry about it, we’re glad you felt like you could confide in us, right jun?” 

“yes of course.”

you give them a weak smile waiting for jihoon to turn up which wasnt long until a knock on the door could be heard. you followed soonyoung to the door watching him greet his friend before moving as if he was presenting you to a crowd.

jihoon gives you a soft pleading smile and you turn to the two boys now stood behind you. “thank you” you whisper gratefully. before leaving to hopefully sort out a few issues with your boyfriend.

[incorrectnewsies]

Ben Fankhauser’s Insta Live story highlights (4/5) aka Ben’s Broadway Bistro 

So there’s a lot to unpack here. It’s an hour of footage. I only did the first half but this is still long af

You have 24 hours to rewatch it on his instagram story (plznfanku) but there were also some lovely people who recorded it and have posted it either on here or on youtube (I don’t have any links so feel free to reblog/comment with them)

- his little wave when he’s playing piano (and he’s so good wtf) 

- I love how happy and joyful he looks while performing, even to a simple camera and Kyle 

- if you don’t know who Kyle is, he’s his roommate and bestie and let me tell you, Kyle was amazing

- when the song he’s singing (idk what it was sorry) changes tempo and becomes all upbeat he just radiates sunshine I love him!!!!

- glad to say he still owns the title of “riff daddy”

- admitting he’s terrible at Instagram HA 

- his little spin and snap 

- ”we’re making breakfast” 

- 2 seconds later, someone commenting: “what are we making?”

- Ben Fank: “we’re making breakfast”

- YES BEN BABY BUT WHAT BREAKFAST FOOD ARE WE MAKING

- “that’s how I’m getting through this corona virus. Coffee, I guess.” 

- “let me tell you about oven bacon. merp merp merp merp muow” yes tell me about oven bacon

- “set your oven to 380 degrees. Why 380 degress? Cause I’m a random motherfu err” he says when he said shit a minute earlier

- “*quoting a comment* an erster. Mkay, okay I see you.”

- he asks for tips from chefs like three times 

- shows off his 3D Illuminati pepper 

- intermission: show some love for Kyle!!!! 

- has great cutting technique (you curl your fingertips in slightly on top of what you’re cutting to keep your fingertips from being under the knife)

- precision + Ben Fank = a match made in heaven 

- Kyle flipping the camera on himself by accident 

- favorite song from Newsies: Carrying the Banner + clapping and a salsa dance 

- sort of sad because Ben doesn’t sing in that song :( 

- he talks with his hands and with his facial expressions so much wow I love

- little wink wink ;)

- everyone asking him to sing Poor Guys Head is Spinning (abbreviated PGHIS) with Alex Wong encouraging everyone

- he acknowledges them and then goes on to ignore them LMFAO

- Ben (sort of, not really) wanting to be Evan Hansen shakes me to MY CORE the power that could cause...

- okay... like... this man I mean I know he is literally Davey Jacobs BUT HE IS LITERALLY DAVEY JACOBS

- “tall ass potato”

- he stops everything to make sure it is shown how he cuts his potatoes

- intermission: gratitude towards first responders  ❤️

- the way he looks up while talking about burritos is really cute but also lmao 

- when he’s asked his favorite dog breed: “oooooOHHHHHHHH”

- “Y’all are literally watching me cut potatoes” YES AND WE DON’T REGRET A THING

- “wITH preCISION” 

- doesn’t know what kind of potato he’s working with (gold potatoes, Ben. Gold potatoes) 

- “y’all didn’t think you’d get this closeup to my *haaaaands*

- “can y’all appreciate the precision? Cause I can.”

- Intermission: I am once again asking for your cooking tips

- Kyle: “Someone wants to know what’s your favorite thing about Kyle?” Ben: *high pitched* Is that for real?”

- he goes on to talk about how Kyle is tech savy and rigged up their apartment instead of talking about his personality or qualities lmao

- his little sneeze and spin, also people telling him to wash his hands afterwards

- calls himself a grandpa 

- his mom sent him to theatre camp when he was a LAD

- “this is getting pretty hot” he says with a head bob

- also gets excited that we got a look at Kyle when he accidently switches the camera onto him

- everyone commenting about the bacon because he hasn’t checked on it since the start of the video

- doesn’t know how much olive oil he put in his pan but it must cover the bottom

- “hot grEEse”

- *vegetables sizzle when he puts them in oiled pan* “that’s the sound when you make a really good zinger at a friend and you walk away it’s like zzzz” *snaps*

- I want to know when he went to Bryant Park Christmas market because I was there this year and if he was there when I was there and didn’t know I would scream

- “this water is a beralin” 

- you can see how proud he is of his potatoes when he puts them into the water

- calls the boiling water water, then grEEse, then water again

- intermission: condolences to people who have had their plays and musicals canceled because of Corona virus 

- his profile is so nice w o w

- uses the same spoon to stir the vegetables to stir the potatoes because he’s a “dirty birdie” 

- demands for the PGHIS in the comment section (led by Alex Wong again)

- his favorite yiddish slang word is slamazel (might have spelt that wrong)

- intermission: love for the Flamingo Kid 

- checks on the bacon finally

- *talking about bacon* “you like it crisp or what? If you don’t like it crisp begone.” (favorite quote of the video)

- him and his grubby lil fingers

- *talking about Ozark* “wuufh wuufh! it’s great”

- gets sort of bashful about talking about him playing poker hehe

- the way he “walks down the street”

- *Ben goes offscreen* question: what’s you go to hand washing song?” Ben *slides back onscreen with a smile on his face* I’m going to play it for you

- couldn’t think to describe his potatoes as hard

- *bacon pops* “Did you hear that? This bacon is trying to sass me! Did you hear that?”

- messes up the abbreviation for PGHIS a couple of times

- his little “poor” when he’s trying to figure out what he wants to do 🥺!!!!!! 

- I’m sure you heard his performance already. Amazing.

Okay that was the halfway point of the video so if you want me to do the other part lmk haha

[tarotnoob]

Hi! First of all I wanna say that the first time I got in your blog I read one of your readings by coincidence and ended up crying like a baby, I don't know why. So, if it's ok, may I ask you for a reading? Nowadays I feel really lost, I feel unmotivated and empty😔 I would appreciate if there is any message for me or I can hear some advice, if I'm doing something wrong or what I have to do in order to be able to progress I don't know if I'm in the correct path because I feel like me and my efforts are being taken for granted that's why I feel so f unmotivated. Thank you so much for your time and effort, we appreciate you so much hehe!! I hope you feel loved, have a nice day and take care!💚😊 m(scorpio asc/mars, aries sun/jupiter, cancer moon, taurus venus/saturn)

you wanted messages so i think i used all of my oracles. i kinda relate a lot to what you’re saying and lately i’ve noticed how influential people’s moons are. yours is in cancer. mine is in the house ruled by cancer - so we both should feel especially sensitive to other people’s emotions. like, can easily take offense or feel taken for granted because we feel we give a lot to someone or some thing and then we don’t feel like we get the same energy back and eventually it feels like... why bother. or you start to get kind of bitter or angry.

[future me - also thank you for what you said about the pick a cards. just to let you know i did go long on yours since it was a very big and honest question. i hope this helps, lmk if it does or if you want to converse more about anything]

i’ll try to keep each oracle meaning quite short since i pulled a lot

regenerate - whilst i dream i clear my mind of all negativity and my spirit is refreshed north node - step out of your comfort zone new moon in scorpio (heh) - step out of your comfort zone new moon in libra (a new romantic cycle begins (full disclosure - the tarot were chariot and when i drew more a bunch fell out but i put them back because is aw the justice card which i refuse to take anymore bc it always comes out and it gave me the six of pentacles back anyway... and it did have some cups cards within but we’ll talk about it)

vegetarian - hey this deck throws out random stuff but every message is important. a new way of eating gives you more energy, greater health, clarity and stronger manifestation abilities. this could, in general, urge you to pay more attention to your health whether it’s eating, exercise or maybe even any type of beauty regime or self care, etc... just to up your mood

black flower fragrance - this is a dark card haha but essentially to paraphrase it is about accepting and embracing flaws but it’s quite an angry card. the sentence that describes the card is “If we want to go dark, go black. Don’t stop to the evening, but embrace the night.” And also “the world is unfair. fuck off dear world. fuck you.” and more of it says things like “even if you’re not perfect you have the right to be respected. even if you’re rich you have the right to feel sad. even if you cannot shine b/c ur beautiful, shine bc ur ugly.”

but what i think this card is talking about is releasing that negativity, that anger, that feeling of unfairness... which matches the regenerate card already. i think this is like the basic principle of shadow work and i just posted tips on shadow work that could help. tbh i need to do this as well but it’s very uncomfortable. the picture on the card shows these black crystals coming out of her and it looks painful but i imagine getting it out will make you feel better. it could also be a sign that if you are an empath that you also absorb other’s negativity on top of your own.

truth be told has a similar image as well, this opening of the heart area and letting (love?) out... and we don’t need to look too deeply into the meaning here... live your truth, be honest with yourself and others about how you feel.

cosmic connection - so right off this card is about new people coming into your life that will fit your vibes, particularly the higher the vibes you are the more high vibe people you’ll attract. it’s also about how challenges in life are there to help you grow (spiritually). 

so already the messages are coming out pretty similar... and it’s all kind of working on your vibrations. doing shadow work to sort through your own feelings... not focus on what others do to you as we can’t control that and... i totally get the unfairness and anger but that just... gets in the way so if you focus more on you and if you’re like - well that’s hard. here’s the truth. you have to cut out a lot of people. like. no mercy. if someone isn’t adding to your vibes - get rid of them. maybe it’ll get lonely but this is how it has to work and once you do, you will absolutely find that people will trickle in to match your vibe. i got rid of about 90% of the people i associated with for YEARS and one day i just thought... i can’t count on any of these people or all they do is talk about how negative everything is or they’re into shallow shit idc about... and i was reluctant at first because i was weak and vulnerable and i didn’t want to be alone bc it was a scary time for me. and at times, i only had one friend. and when that person seemed to vibe low, a new person would come in... and then our vibes changed again and then a new person came in... and i still only have a couple of really spiritually solid folks and then i still have old friends who i talk to rarely but they did nothing to deserve being cut off, so... and family is another story as they’re hard to cut out. and i’ve quit jobs for this reason too. if i felt disrespected or treated unfairly - bye.

the sacred lotus and sunset - sacred lotus makes me think of any type of beauty that grows from darkness and for me this is a bit like regenerate and cosmic connection.... and sunset is a bit like a 10 of swords where some cycle of negativity ends. it says  “time here turns to release and unfurl. old cords of pain fade as the sun’s light burns.” so again this holding onto negativity, pain, bitterness - isn’t getting you anywhere and needs to change/shift.

the fear oracle i will match up with work through your fears card... so maybe we should get into that and all the moonology cards...

i know you have some serious scorpio in your chart with that as ascendant and mars...  so transformation (of yourself) and change are always going to be part of your life. so two of my fav peeps on the planet have mars in scorpio. and as i have observed - they tend to get really frustrated if they can’t focus that energy into an activity. they start to get really depressed and down. so new moon in scorpio card is letting go of jealousy and grudges, possible upcoming sexy times, stop being obsessive, paranoia issues, and making investments. this matches with the dark fragrance oracle because this is also embracing the... darkness that is all around the sign of scorpio... whether it’s the unknown or occult or just the uglier emotions we have...  and how every time you change it’ll be deep and uncomfortable and rocky but it leads to... growth. death card is the scorpio card in tarot and it’s absolutely my fav card because it’s impact is so beautiful and huge in terms of spirituality.

new moon in libra - advice around this could be being more willing to compromise, love relations or legal issues coming in... feel more think less, paying attention to appearance

north node - so north node is what we’re supposed to work toward and south node is that comfort zone we were used to in a past life. it definitely does seem to be you’re getting messages about embracing the ugly side or the dark side of spiritual transformation... not fearing how much discomfort that change and awakenings bring....  there are a few cards pointing to romance or a relationship of some kind but we’re not going to get into that. i think overall these cards are about embracing and working through fears, getting out of comfort zone... but also finding some balance within yourself and relationships... like... i’m not saying be a doormat but... being willing to meet people half way... and within yourself, kind of accepting the light and the dark. you don’t have to go full dark mode but... just accept it so it doesn’t upset you as much. and then also don’t let those darker feelings take over and distract you - paranoia, jealousy, bitterness, etc... because look at how those feelings are making you feel now. they’re valid feelings but they aren’t getting you anywhere positive so the message here is to find a better balance and also to embrace them as part of you and work through them even if it’s really uncomfortable. and also if there are things you need to learn regarding your life purpose that feel.... uncomfortable, that’s why they’re lessons. 

beauty way - i think you should probably read this: https://www.colettebaronreid.com/oracle/beauty-way/

we’ve had a few “beauty” references and i think it doesn’t have to be literal. finding beauty in yourself and others, not fixing broken relationships, when things get ugly bring in light/integrity... etc...

coyote: this one’s good too https://www.colettebaronreid.com/oracle/the-coyote/

as that one mentions some cosmic connection stuff about how challenges are sent as tests, etc...

i also randomly pulled procession and i was a different person then, which for me are two cards about growth and moving forward

i also have a wisdom oracle and this and i was a different person are people looking at the moon so there’s kind of a high priestess vibe... about emotions and intuition... so again i think your moon probably has a lot of influence on what you’re feeling... that you have a very strong intuition and are very empathetic and this is very cool but this can also be a bit of a detriment because you absorb stuff and you’re also very sensitive to how people react or what they say or what they don’t do.

finally, the tarot.

so chariot and wheel of fortune fell out pretty quickly and then magician, hanged man, six of pentacles.

these are pretty strong cards

in terms of lessons and stuff i see... having a rather significant destiny that may be about divine timing. part of it may just be finding your direction, taking control of those intense infeelings inside of you and finding that balance like we talked about. i say that because, well, chariot is about control, direction, ambition. this would be someone who’s goal oriented and capable of achieving what they want almost to a militaristic fashion. but it also represents finding balance to opposites. like a yin and yang... and wheel of fortune is destiny, good luck, change. magician is someone who has all the skills and abilities to manifest what they want - very similar to chariot except for me chariot is about movement and magician is... the power to create. hanged man also very spiritual... so this is... going with the flow. not resisting when the universe throws you challenges, it’s also about seeing from a different perspective. i guess how i’d describe this card is... say you thought life was one way... or even something you thought about yourself or a belief... something happens and you find that you were wrong...  and then you grow from that. and that’s why he’s hanging upside down and his head is all glow-y. and then... yes i threw away justice... it seems the universe is really wanting EVERYONE to find balance or embrace karma...  so rather than say this six of p is here about sharing - although i do feel part of your message is... dealing with relationships in your life and wanting equal ones but also... not everyone thinks like us so giving some leeway for them instead of silently holding a grudge. also this is a card about giving or receiving help, being genrous, sharing what we have to offer...

in terms of numbers which i often associate with lessons or stuff going on in our lives - many 2s which is... relationships, balance... i’d look at what you have in... i think it’s the seventh house as this house has to do with all sorts of relationships... i guess if you have scorpio asc...  ... maybe it’s taurus is your 7th or... pisces or gemini. depends on the zie of the houses... i won’t try to read into that as i’m not sure where yours lies...

several 4′s - organization/home/family/foundations, 7s, 3s..1s - self.

7 is about secrets and being kind of critical, life lessons; 3 is usually social or teamwork or creativity; 1 is the self; 2 is relationships; 4 is a firm foundation

so stuff like that tells me there’s work to be done on the self and interpersonal relationships around the theme of... balance and firm foundations as well as a sense of things that are hidden as well as maybe criticism (of self or others).

and so achieving a balance among yourself and your relationships... not being too critical...  working with the dark stuff that’s inside...  and the end goal would be you do all that so you feel more solid... spiritually. 

let me clarify too specifically what the tarot want you to work on. i do have 8 of swords at the back rn so there’s some mental mindtrap stuff going on. overthinking. an issue of stability or stuff surrounding money/career, a feeling of being burdened, nurturing, some... serious conflict with others, maybe friends or people in your circle at least... but i do see something new coming in and it could be about a relationship or it could just be something happens that makes you feel more comfortable and at ease. 

ok interesting. um so chariot is clarified by six of wands. both cards are about success, particularly in the public sphere. recognition... so there is potential for great career success. wheel of fortune is 9 of cups and king of s reversed...  to me this could be overthinking about your destiny/purpose or wondering when your luck will change... i guess it could also be not really being logical about such a goal...  it could also indicate someone who wants to do something related to...  swords - which is communication, writing, science, medicine... but on another level this makes me think about emotions vs thinking and maybe being more emotionally driven about a goal as opposed to thinking logically (and without emotion) as to how you can achieve that (career success/recognition).

add on magician which is clarified by 2 of wands reversed. 2 of w reversed is like... not making a choice. also bc 2 of wands is sort of the planning stages of the future it’s again not putting in the logical thinking/planning for how to achieve this future goal/end game...  the cards in terms of the major arcana (for me) i read as potential. so yes i get you’re thinking about recognition and success, particularly (it seems) related to careers and such...  but i’m not seeing the planning going into it. or being too emotion-driven... like worrying too much about how it’s going to happen and not... the logistics.

hanged man clarified by six of swords would be learning this lesson of moving forward to something better and dealing with and accepting any negative stuff that happened on the way. it’s almost giving me judgment vibes bc that cards a lot like a spiritual awakening after fully dealing with all the crap shit in the past.

six of p is interesting bc even tho i did put cups away when so many fell out - the clarifiers are two of cups, ace of cups and hermit... and you did have that new moon in libra and other instances of love coming. but it can also be a message about balance in relationships... because hermit is obviously isolation and being alone... ace of cups is... kinda like regeneration... this might be a message about your venus and even saturn since this is love plus some libra vibes... 

this might be why the fours... as saturn in taurus and venus and taurus both grave stability and security.... you might have really high expectations of your relationships and this is why hermit is popping up bc it’s like you’d rather be alone than in a relationship that doesn’t feel... balanced.  unless you’re like, romantically interested in a virgo rn. not a love reading so i’m not really doing that just saying that... relationships are part of your purpose and that will only resolve itself when you resolve a similar balance within itself. and not just love, all relationships...  wtf is in your seventh houuuuuuuuse is it your saturn and venus???? anyway. and also aces are 1s, two of cups is a 2... 9 (the hermit card) is about spirituality which makes me think purpose...  so balance within self and relationships again...  and also a lot of typical scorpio themes of regeneration, growth, hidden-darker stuff... 

annoyingly, back of deck for clarifying deck is justice. then magician, queen of swords, high priestess 10 of swords moon and five of swords...

balance, using your own power, communication/logic, spirituality/intuition... repeating cycles... and uncertainty/conflict

so it’s probably as someone with strong scorpio... this will be a pattern you’ll always notice in your life... why? i don’t know enough about charts to guess but someone did just tell me scorpio ascendants tend to have more karma to work through than others...  it’s almost like the fast track sign for spiritual growth. some people have one or two of these cycles but scorpio placements tend to have about one million. or people who have x in the 8th house. like my venus is there so i grow through relationships, particularly really shitty ones.

so... you’ll achieve growth where your scorpio is and then whatever is in your 8th house...  and apparently your 7th house seems to be active and interesting. i’m just guessing as 7th house is the house that comes to mind for relationships. but other houses deal with relationships too...

if you’re stuck on careers and have zero ideas i have been looking up jobs by their moon sign... 

Cancer Moons thrive on self-employment, all facets of food management and preparation (baking, catering, dairy farm-ing, restaurant management), developing recipes with an eye on nutrition, analyzing and writing about relationships (personal and business), and the independence involved with real estate careers.

it’s funny recipes with an eye on nutrition is there heh... 

um what else can i say there’s a lot of purple, which is crown chakra...  so spirituality is important to you... this chakra may be kinda blocked tho since ur not feeling too in touch with your purpose/path rn. a fair amount of yellow (third, solar plexus chakra) and... red - root chakra...   when you feel uncertain it tends to point to underactive, closed root chakra... 

solar plexus is that will power, which is magician and chariot and stuff.

i feel like it’s pretty obvious by now ... and i honestly think this is a normal struggle of just finding inner balance among a lot of emotions especially during/after a spiritual awakening of some kind... which for me... that’s all the questioning you’re doing about your feelings and other’s and purpose...  that’s a pretty normal part. tbh i’m still in that stage too but a little past the part of cutting people off and at least being aware of the dark parts of myself i still need to face and also accepting that magician mentality. in my head i know i have the skills for success but there’s also a bit of fear...  of just putting myself out there. so i feel like you’re in the same boat... and it’s hard to paraphrase that part or even give advice as i’m...  it’s a struggle lol. the hardest part of this stage is... going for it... even if you know you could or you want it... it’s like u need someone to push you out the airplane to skydive... 

but like i said, i’ve mentioned the things the cards seem to say need to be worked on at present to achieve that balance. first and foremost. also... more logical thought into actual plans of how to get what you want... that being too emotional or letting emotions control you also seems to be something to work on...  and also finding a middle ground in relationships.

but i really think it works like once u fix that in yourself, you’ll attract the right people. you don’t need to go CHASING people. if you have to chase anyone - not you’re people. you do the self work and they come. it sounds weird, but so far i’ve seen it. however i will say that those people’s vibes... either don’t keep up with you or maybe they go higher faster than you but they will come and go and match your vibes. so if your vibes are pretty low - though you seem very sweet - you’ll attract people on a lower level... 

and i guess i could look at the signs associated with the major cards. 

cancer - this is also about home and nurturing... wheel is the sag card so... look at your jupiter placement... this is also travel, luck... sag is about philosophy and leaerning... magicians are like teachers... this is mercury ruled so virgo/gemini...  hanged man is pisces... six of p i forget but i’m sure it’s some earth plus libra. maybe i should look it up bc it might be taurus-libra or virgo libra. oh well whatevs. so emotions, communication, home, dreamy-imagination-occult stuff.

so maybe better communication with others too on like your emotions... telling people ur mad instead of wanting them to read ur mind or just blowing up on them. ur king of swords reversed so that may be a thing...  and two cards surrounding the magician (communication ruled card) are about change and also change in perception so... 

there are a lot of tiny messages. i’m sure some have dinged and this got really long but for really important questions i don’t want to miss even the tiniest messages...  and i do think it’ll take time to feel as confident as the magician... since the wheel is here...  because... it’s like... having the will is important but so is luck and the right timing... and then having the confidence and resources to create your own dreams... and it’s also going to require some faith in the universe and maybe changing how you look at how it’s going to come to you or your own beliefs...  and part of the path is a give/take relationship with others, as well...   having more confidence and having... a more positive outlook. and working on communicating it. maybe magician sits in the middle bc i’m supposed to tell you words really do have power... what you say to people, yourself and also there’s tons of tiny “spells” you can do for manifesting.... saying I AM. or listening to sleep meditations that.... have positive affirmations... if ur thinking pretty negative, you’re going to attract that stuff.... so rethink that stuff and i think that’ll help. ciao.

[shytiff]

Small Dec Wins

i cant believe its December already tf?!?!?!

1 - poli KIA today. saw a mother who cant feel the movement of their baby. the senior midwife tried to find the baby’s heart beat but not finding it. she said she hopes she were wrong. fell asleep at 3pm-ish, woke up super hungry. ate. i swear i feel like my weight when i measured it this morning was ~52, but after eating its close to 54 lol. eating banana and chocolate nextar is yummm. dalbang today is hella funny as always and suuper endearing. fell asleep after dalbang, didnt study hufttt

2 - today im at igd but joined azkia at vk for a bit to see partus. its not that im scared (maybe not consciously) but when the mom was being stitched i felt lightheaded, nausea, cold extremities, and i even had to squat multiple times because i couldnt stand. But i felt better after the partus so maybe seeing it was the cause. I did not feel scared at all honestly ._. and i’ve seen multiple partus before. i dont know why. i can literally feel my symphatetic tone giving out lmaoo. tried matcha latte with Cy matcha powder. it tasted more milky and grassy. mom thought it tasted like nori. i prever cocodeli alll the way (although Cy is cheaper). i think it also has a bit of caffeine that made me feel awake like a normal person should be. 

3 - today is vk but there’s no patient so thank god i saw sumn yesterday. did some cicil ukmppd in the morning accompanied by matcha latte. tried to order dufan tickets and i couldnt find my damn ktp...... fell asleep after worrying about said ktp

4 - matcha latte in the car, swab at lmk, went to dufan by tj with willy, had quite some funn with atikah nila willy amel pupuy. first time trying kereta misteri, quite fun. it rained after ashar so we didnt ride anything after that. turns out my ktp was at barel’s fotocopy lmaoo thankyou ara for picking it. went to solaria ancol afterwards, picked up by mom. i didnt tell her in the morning that i was going to dufan lmao. plenary @ zoom 19 pm. rapat nemo. fell asleep.

5 - went to lmk by tj to surprise clara. went back home and fell asleep. didnt rly do anything afterwards because this ragged body gets tired easily and i dont eat much recently. i can feel the difference before and after eating and there’s actual energy after eating. its not that im hungry though, but i feel less energized. felt annoyed terrible and just wanna lay in bed (this is unrelated with the less food in my system). even though i met up with friends

6 - after LOTS of sleeping i feel somehow better but not to a ‘normal’ amount. watched kimbab family videos. did power vinyasa by doogether with fianti. took a shower and ate indomie and i felt quite normal, except i slept again wtf. i thought i would have the second half of the day but nah. did self tryouts with fianti, 150 FDI questions. I got 96/150 right. huft. such a great reality check

7 - poli lansia with dokter isip, matcha latte in the afternoon rly helps me not sleeping the day away, packed up for depok

8 - poli umum with dr gita (helped doing phys exam), packed the rest of my stuff, ate some risol and matcha lattteee in the car, took swab results, picked up hazmats etc, zoom discussion with FT PKM Kalideres (dr gita) on the way, and i finally arrived at tamel. dinner is granola with vsoy. Taste like a slightly wet granola bar, nutty fiber-y vibe

9 - walked in ui with ara, managed to jog from the trees near st ui until kuburan bikun wow. i reached that point where my leg and heart were going in a steady unburdened pace and my willpower to keep going on was tested. tried the signature steak in Double U Steak by Chef Widi, while ara tried ribeye. the ribeye was more tender than the signature. but the seasoning in the signature is quite delish, salty and oily without being too much (like futago ya). read poppyland fast pass from ara’s phone omg season 1 is finally complete! went to coftof (omgggg i miss this place), it looks different now. ordered matcha latte and it tasted weirdly like a soy milk although ara doesnt feel that way. the matcha tasted weird. wont repurchase. read chainsaw man, its so entertaining, funny and deep at the same time. denji mess around and be too naive sometimes but hes lowkey hot lmaooo. aki is lovvvvve.

10 - first day at rsud budhi asih. had moesli combined with granola + vsoy for brekkie. went back to tamel at 3 pm. it rained when i got back. bought warteg lugina worth 32k. walked to sbux for tumbler day its been a while since i had their matcha latte. it tasted quite good, but not as good as i remembered (?) maybe bcs i asked for non fat milk. sbux closes at 8 pm for now hikss

11 - left tamel at about 7:10 and arrived on budhi asih at 08:54 yalll the traffic. Icu. Bought eatlah double and ate the salted egg part. Nap. ICU discussion with dr Dedi @8pm. I presented from my phone to save data hehe,,

12 - woke up at 8, eatlah brown butter for brekkie, symcard, saladstop's caesar salad for lunch (quite 'eneg' because i didnt eat the cheese evenly so the chicken and cheese were eaten last after the vegs are out. The vegetable's not that variative, and the non vegs make the salad taste delicious (albeit maybe not THAT healthy). Evening jog @UI and i realized i can get wifi sitting near the lake n library. Stared at the night sky from my room, i swear the sky seems super clear. Saw tiny fireworks in the distance

13 - ate muesli and saladstop’s banana walnut cake, symcard, bought moon chicken and saladpoint. lunch was egg salad and the wings. the original tasted so good like??? maybe i havent had msg for a while. also tried big bang, not too spicy which is nice. cicil ukmppd. put my laundry at buih barel lmaoo. try out with fianti. got 70/100

14 - breakfast was salad and leftover chicken. today was bangsal with angga armand. the geriatric patient has a loud murmur yall (and scoliosis, so much that the heart looks distorted). went to margo city to see sales, but when i think about it id rather just thrift stuff lmao. bought lugina. slept through kuliah guru besar. writing this in yellow truck coffee, that had 2 customers on the 1st floor including me. tried banana milk. yall after trying to drink less sugar the beverage tasted super sweet. my headache just goes away. sugar is magic but unhealthy whyyyyy.

15 - igd siang with indah. This body sure is frail. Did cbd with dr afifah AND rescheduled pleno. Rip mobile data i have to use for hotspot.

16 - ok today. Inserted goedel and did bagging. I bagged the patient the wrong way at first (too much). Thankfully the nurses were kind and taught us a lot :) watched some bts content. I feel like after reading househusband my tiktok page is now immensely funnier. Dalbang is also hilarious as always. Put on ginseng sheet mask (smells quite strong)

17 - bangsal. snacked on fried chicken. matcha latte starbucks (turns out its quite full here) and liqo about keeping our tongues in check

18 - arrived at icu. And then opened line. Turns out hadin's swab is positive, so agung kak iman and me have to isolate and swab. So i went back. Ordered kanayam chicken and fish and tempe. Nasi liwet tasted goood damn. Sleptt in the afternoon. Pleno at 4 pm (entered the room 4:30). Had no motivation to do anything. Azkia is getting married! Spent 20 mins formulating words to congratulate her lmaoo

19 - osce simulation, kak nanu was so kind and encouraging. Did try out solid. Lunch is fish bite pasta with melted cheese (cause i had to reach the minimum amount for promo). It got cold so its not that good (pairing it with self made mentai sauce, mixing the mayo and chili, is way much better). Jogged in ui (and searched for wifi). Approached by someone selling haraus coffee (25k), saying that some earnings will be for charity. Its basically sweet. Can barely taste the coffee.

20 - had kanayam for lunch (brekkie is almost always muesli lately). The nasi liwet tasted much better the first time. Walked to yellow truck coffee in the pouring rain. Got banana milk. Saw webinar ksk (electrolyte correction and dr nadhira talkshow). What i got from it is that, dr nadhira is a different person from the first place. Shes visionary, knows what she want and not afraid to reach it. The mindset is different. Even if i try as hard as her, her propensity to growth is different. Cicil ukmppd. Try out with fianti (got 72/100). Talked for an hour about love and marriage and engagements (there are so much of it lately)

21 - leftover kanayam for brekkie, also ate roti salman in cikini st. swab today (met kris, nessa and others). muesli for lunch. i thought my body felt a bit warm, so i decided to find sumn to eat. tried kedai abu bakar’s spaghetti brulee. its okay. maybe because its not too cheesy or meaty, mainly bechamel sauce. the one pupuy made is much tastier. finished the whole 10x20 portion in 2 eating sesh. cicil ukmppd @ bed in the evening (somehow felt refreshed enough to be able to concentrate in bed)

22 - went early to icu to put dops form. lugina for early lunch. i feel like my metabolism is faster? or my body is not so much in calorie deficit mode anymore and it got greedier lmao i used to just ignore hunger but not now, for health. starbiiies tumbler day. ordered black tea latte with non fat milk and vanilla syrup (because raspberry syrup is no more). did cbd geri ppt. 

23 - finally knew the swab result bcs kak iman asked kak farras. thankfully negative. igd with jordi. quite a few chances to do iv line, but i failed 2 times. managed to do iv injection to insert 2 drugs. saw the worst cpr ive ever seen in my life. its too slow, with maximal interruption. fish bite for lunch. wasted the rest of my day

24 - originally intended to run but i cant bring myself out of bed. packed up my stuff. picked up by mom. got the paper result of swab, got ksk from kelvyn @ capitol. can finally drink self-made matcha latte again, but it tasted horrible. i know cy matcha doesnt have that much going on, but even this is low even for them. previously i was starting to get used to the grassy smell.

25 - my lil bro remarked “maybe shes depressed because she doesnt have her chair”. fuck yall. this “depression” that im in is caused by this very place and the people. and im supposed to still muster the strength to study for ukmppd AND get my face together for solid book photoshoot. that shit is too much. this is why the money that goes to cafe, and the bike ride there is worth it for my sanity. after showering, things felt a bit better. had absolutely no will to study today. ate muesli with a bit of matcha latte.

26 - muesli for breakfast. matcha latte is lyfff ive probably said this before but it ~somehow~ makes me feel normal and not in a slump. like im a regular person. with normal moods. and not wanting to sleep all the time. i try to do ukmppd exercises but the pace is so fucking slow, bcs im distracted by get rich haha,,,. the latest potn update (64) is omgggg the mixed feelings? love? hate? anger? everything and nothing? the ~tension and passion~? im obsessed. watched a ton of bts content today and yesterday lmao.

27 - nasi kebuli for brekkie. went to flavola, im the first customer lmao. tried kopi susu coklat, tasted quite close enough to janjiw’s kopi soklat. had the same ~improved mood and concentration~ effect. tried to read ksk. bought milky banana 1L from puyo to give dajen (its his bday yesterday) (i feel prompted (?) to gift people when theyve given a present to me) (because my love lang is not gift giving at all so i barely think abt gifts lmao). talked with sum 33 ipa guys @ dajens house. yay appropriate amount of social battery charging. tryout with fianti, padi this time. got 67/100. 

28 - ate muesli with matcha latte after breakfast. cicil ukmppd. Listened to yoongi's vlive until i fell asleep lol. 2 burger and salad for dinner. omggg hansol revealed his gf. 

29 - spent half of my day tidying up the mess that is my room. figured out what to wear for solid book photoshoot with fianti, ara. matcha latte terosss. phd for dinner. 

30 - breakfast is muesli with cimory choco hazelnut. mom made matcha chocolate brownies. tryna study. slow pace terosss. read some padi materials. dalbang.

31 - bought vsoy low sugar and multigrain. moved my body a bit to youtube videos. showered. felt better. it also rained (which i love). the pleasant mood only lasted til the evening. did nothing from 7pm even though im not sleepy. cant tell when did i start to sleep

and just like that, 2020 kkeut. its sad to say i dont rly remember much remarkable things this year. other than the trip and memories with minor rotation friends. i just remember wasting my life away in my house. i guess that’s the danger of living a monotone life. sometimes you gotta invest some time to have fun, to have motivation to live on and do things. not doing this makes it difficult to live day by day. and friends. meeting friends, seeing new stuff. that helps me live.