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suhnandmoon · 8 months ago

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soul eater

weapon!park jisung x meister!reader

genre: soul eater au, best friends to lovers, angst w/ happy ending, fantasy, college-ish au (kinda. read info)

wc: 8.5k

info to know: heavily inspired by the anime soul eater. you don’t need to have watched soul eater to get the concept because i try to explain what i can. something i don’t explain but should be known is that weapons will grow stronger when they consume the souls of a kishin egg (a soul that has become corrupt). to soul eater fans: the werewolf in this fic is a kishin egg but for the sake of minimizing confusion with the term ‘egg’ being mistaken as a literal egg, ill often call it just a kishin. last thing! you can read this as a college or highschool au. honestly i wrote this as a combination of them both as in they start the academy when they’re 16 and graduate four years later. it doesn’t matter how you see it.

additional author’s notes: hii guys i’m back with this for you guys. take it as my apology for leaving you guys hanging with my minecraft boyfriend. this is my first full length fic so please be kind T_T there may be issues with grammar because i’m posting this before i chicken out of never sharing this to the world

when you start at death meister academy, it's a rare occurrence for a student to find their pair immediately. weapons and meisters alike often spend the first month looking for the most compatible partner.

compatibility heavily relies on the wavelengths of both individuals. if your souls are able to harmonize on the same frequency, that’s a sign you are suited to pair up. should a meister have a higher wavelength frequency than their weapon, either party could get greatly injured and vice versa.

to make things easier, many students opt to take a compatibility test issued by the school to be automatically paired up with the best fit for them.

you personally deemed this as the only way fit to receive your weapon. if you were going to graduate as an elite ranked scythe-meister after your four years at the academy, you needed the best possible weapon for you; as determined by the statistics of the test. all meisters are categorized by rank: it scales from one to three stars from with select meisters promoting to elite if they prove themselves fit. all first years start at one star. typically it’s most common to see meisters graduating at a two or three star rank, but it’s not impossible to reach elite by the end of their time at the academy. and that's exactly what you’re going to do.

so imagine your initial shock when you were paired up with poor little park jisung.

upon receiving the results, everyone grouped off with their partners. your eyes scanned the room for someone wearing the name tag ‘park jisung’

no one approached you for a few minutes as you searched so you decided to let the room clear out and see who was left.

with his shoulders hunched, eyes shifting across the room, and the overall appearance of a sopping wet cat, the last person left was indeed your partner- though you had double checked his name tag a few times, hoping this was a joke. you had to prod the timid little demon weapon into introducing himself, earning only a shy mumble in response. it was hard to believe he was the weapon you were paired up with. the only indication of his status as a scythe would probably be his height- which let him tower above the rest of the class even with his slumped posture.

you debated on the spot if you should just find a different weapon, not sure if this pairing was entirely the best for your four-year plan. yet, you at least had an ounce of guilt for leaving him behind and faith in the wavelength statistics for this to work out.

after your introductions, you laid out your intentions and planned path for your time at the death meister academy: collect 99 souls and one soul of a witch to successfully ascend your weapon into ‘death weapon status’, reach the elite-meister status for yourself, and finally, graduate top of the class. simple really.

it must be something about the way you said it so confidently that had jisung looking at you with a mixture of admiration and fear, but you received a gulp in response.

you were about to tell him flat out that, if it didn’t seem plausible for him, he’d have to find another meister when he beat you by saying a quiet, “i’ll do it.”

and in a rare moment, a peer of yours didn’t outright laugh in your face for expressing your goals.

you struck out your hand, signaling him to shake yours, beaming at the boy. he softly takes your offer and grasps your hand.

“well then, nice to meet you, partner!”

the next few years went exactly as you hoped they would

well, nearly exactly. it did take jisung a good three months to work up the courage to eat his first soul. which in turn, brought three months of stress to you. but he got over that quickly.

your initial first impression of jisung was proven wrong after some time, seeing as how the two of you were almost always able to synchronize your wavelengths in battle.

you both take pride in being the first in your class to perform soul resonance, a fundamental skill for a weapon and a meister to achieve with their partner. many first years struggle with the concept of matching your frequency to someone else so accurately that it resonates. it takes most students the entire unit to perform one successful hit, some even take years. you two nailed it the second it was taught.

after three years at the academy, you and jisung have gotten to know each other better than you know yourselves. its typical for a weapon and meister to share some sort of deep connection, but you’ve always felt like you two exceed that standard in some way.

and here you both are, strewn across your shared couch with your legs across his lap as he sits on the other end, watching whatever's on the channel. you’re sprawled across the couch, revising your notes for the last time before you call it a night and watch with jisung.

“peach ring?” jisung asks as you absentmindedly reach in the bag to hand him one, eyes not once lifting off the pages of handwritten notes for your soul studies class. he takes it from your grasp and tosses it in his mouth, a hum of gratitude following the action.

jisung, over the years, has come out of his shell significantly from that first day you met him. you aren’t aware of it, but he owes a lot of it to you- from your contagious drive for success to your ability to believe in him wholeheartedly. he’s honestly still grateful you hadn’t dropped him the day you met. he still shudders at the memory of the day he ate his first soul, you comforting his hunched over form on the ground as he cried for an hour or two. that’s something that you both are taking to the grave with you.

he looks over to you, your brows furrowed as you mouth the words on your page in an effort to memorize the material, he finds your concentration to be quite cute.

“you almost done? its getting late. plus- its just soul studies,” jisung shrugs with a lazy smile, “last time i checked, we still have the highest resonance success rate. i think we know souls pretty well.”

you scoff at his answer, finally tearing your eyes away from the stack of papers and onto him- which was really his goal from the beginning.

“you and i know damn well that soul studies isn’t reliant on who can match their partner’s frequencies the best. its about the essence of souls.” you lecture lightheartedly and he takes the opportunity to reach over and pull the notes out of your grasp.

“well if you know so much about it, it wouldn't kill you to take a break,” he places your notes on the coffee table as you weigh the pros and cons. its getting late, so you know if you take a break, you wouldn’t return to your studying but you also didn’t have the energy to argue with jisung either. taking the selfish route, you give in and reposition yourself so you’re sitting side by side with him.

an hour passes and the both of you knock out on the couch. you’re the first to drift off and jisung just doesn’t have the heart to wake you up by moving you off his shoulder so he decides he can just close his eyes for a few minutes…

well!

it wasn’t a few minutes

more like a few minutes over the time you were both supposed to leave the house for class the next morning.

an unfamiliar feeling wakes you up that morning, half of your body on top of jisung and his arm lazily wrapped around your waist. before you can even process the position, you’re already jumping off the couch and frantically getting ready. you were supposed to leave the dorm five minutes ago

“-jisung! we’re so late! god. oh my god!” your fading voice as you run to the bathroom is the first thing your roommate hears when he wakes up. he groggily rises, rubbing at his eyes as he watches you run around your shared living space yelling in a frenzy. he would never tell you but he finds the ordeal to be endearing. he allows himself watch you for just half a second before he gets up to brush his teeth to avoid being on the receiving end of your curses.

you get ready in record time, cutting down your usual thirty minutes to a whole 4:37; albeit several steps were skipped in the process. as you frantically tie your shoelaces, jisung strolls next to you with two granola bars in hand. his morning routine is always less involved than yours so its no surprised he took like two seconds to get ready.

he can’t even hand the bar to you as you’re already dragging him out by his wrist.

by some miracle, you manage to make it to your soul studies class one minute before it began. you rush to your seat in the lecture hall and jisung follows behind, clearly not as worried about missing the test as you are.

you miss the raised eyebrow and shit eating grin that chenle sends jisung, causing the tips of his ears to turn pink.

both of you walking in together late, jisung’s hair sticking up from sleeping on the couch weird, and the lack of sleep evident on your faces may not mean anything separately, but jisung was well aware of the implication chenle’s thinking of. he’s sure as hell lucky that you’re too focused on the exam to notice.

the next thirty minutes breeze by. you finish up your test half an hour in so, technically, you’re free to turn it in and leave for your next class but you always wait for jisung so you can exit together. it takes another ten minutes of doodling on your exam and picking at your eraser for him to wrap it up.

the two of you walk to the front of the lecture hall, dropping the tests off at your professor’s desk and walking out the door. zhong chenle is quick to follow you both out. you assume he was also waiting for jisung to finish his test, presumably to walk out with you both as well.

“hey you two~ had fun last night?” he teases you abruptly as he jogs to catch up to your pace. the three of you walk down the corridor as his voice echos down the halls.

“fun? studying for that test? certainly not-” you respond with your brows furrowed, not catching chenle’s implication as the classroom disappears in the distance.

zhong chenle, as much as he is a little shit, is jisung’s best friend and gun-meister to his own weapon. he also happens to be he son of lord death, the reaper who founded the school and the one in charge of all of meister/weapon affairs. he acts as a headmaster of sorts. you interact with him frequently, as you and jisung are always getting assigned missions issued by the reaper himself.

jisung sputters a cough in an awkward attempt to seem nonchalant about this situation, “don’t be an idiot, chenle. we were studying for the test last night and fell asleep on the couch.” he slaps the back of his friend’s head and you finally catch on.

you suddenly remember waking up in jisung’s arms and how it felt so… right. is it really so natural of a conclusion to think you two are sleeping together? that was seriously chenle’s first assumption? the very thought plagues your mind

you need to purge it immediately, fearing the imbalance of your emotions for jisung will fluctuate your wavelength levels.

you brush off chenle’s allegation and he scurries away to his next class. you wrap your arms around yourself subconsciously as you both continue to your next class, purposely ignoring the previous conversation floating in your minds.

it’s around the evening when you and jisung get called in to ‘the death room’. really, its just lord death’s domain where he observes the outside world from his mirrors.

you approach the man, who’s appearance as the ‘grim reaper’ takes much more of a whimsical approach rather than intimidating. he’s larger than life in both size and personality and his mask toes the line of a cartoonish feel. his appearance contrasts the vast liminal space he resides in. it's an expansive graveyard with a circular platform in the center where his full body mirrors reside. this is how you all exit in and out of the space. though the space itself is unsettling, you always find interacting with him to be fairly easy. maybe your friendship with his son benefits that but you also like to believe your own skill is a testament of how you earned his respect.

“yn and jisung! perfect timing. i have a bit of difficult mission for you two~”

lord death’s sing-songy voice is the first thing you hear as you step through the mirror and into his domain. your hand rests on jisungs arm to stabilize yourself before you both bow to the reaper.

“stress levels have gone up around the south outskirts of the city. we aren’t sure of the threat level- an estimate would be rank three kishin egg but don’t get too comfortable,” lord death explains the mission and you’re concealing the grin that threatens to spill from your mouth, “this should be the perfect assignment for the two of you. yn, i trust you know your promotion to elite is being considered. don’t disappoint me.”

you return his sentiment with a firm nod and pat to jisung’s back. he subconsciously straightens his posture when you reply, “no need to worry, lord death. we’ll get this done in no time!”

“thank you both, see you back soon!”

and with that, the reaper gestures towards the large mirror you entered from. this time, it reflects your next destination. you can see civilians running away from the scene, personal belongings strewn across the ground, and what looks like to be a werewolf kishin. its long legs reach the floor on all fours and its about double the size of the houses around it. you watch as its hollow, white eyes survey the upcoming area for its next victim with a notable hunch in its back.

so this is your target, you observe. looks easy enough

jisung’s hand on your shoulder stops you from charging in without him. you pause for a moment to make sure he’s as ready as you are and once you get that confirmation, you’re hopping through the mirror without hesitation.

the growl of the beast before you is terrifying enough to send chills through anyone’s spine. except the fast heartbeat in your chest isn’t derived from anxiety, rather excitement instead. you know lord death is observing your every move in this mission specifically so this is your chance to put on a show; to prove that you’re able to handle elite ranked missions.

before the kishin notices you, jisung snakes an arm around your waist, getting ready to transform..

suddenly, you get the worst timed flashback of your life. visions of this morning flash across in your brain and then to chenle’s accusation. you grip the transformed scythe of a partner in your hands tightly to push the unwelcome intrusions out of your mind.

goddammit. you couldn’t be losing focus now.

“everything alright?” you hear jisung’s voice echo out of the scythe as well as a roar in the distance. you know he can feel your grip on the weapon’s handle but you’ve already been noticed by the kishin to respond.

you swing your scythe away from your body, so the blade scrapes the dirt underneath you. you run toward the angry beast, not even bothering to reply to jisung. the only thing you should be thinking about is reaching the beast.

you take your first swing at the kishin, which it narrowly avoids. you only manage to shave off the ends of its dark fur. immediately after, its paw swipes at your midsection. you manage to jump up and use the arm under you as a platform to take another leap onto its back. you’re almost moving on autopilot, you’ve battled creatures like this countless times already- yet the thought plaguing your entire being creeps in the back of your mind. it bothers you but there’s nothing you can do about it at this moment. you curse yourself for being so immature for thinking about a stupid crush in the middle of a fight.

you position yourself so that you’re straddling the werewolf while it thrashes around in an attempt to throw you off its back.

“jisung!” you call out to your partner, scythe in the air and ready to plunge into the neck of the monster, “soul resonance!”

your blade cuts deeply into the side of the kishin’s neck, but nothing happens. no blinding light, no dissipation of the beast below you, and certainly no soul resonance performed.

the shock of you not being able to complete this move for the first time in your career as a duo allows the werewolf to send you flying off its back. you’re thrown off into the dirt, jisung having transformed mid-throw to soften the fall. he has you in an embrace to minimize your impact since you can’t even react

you can only sit there, shell shocked.

there has never been a time where the two of you have failed to perform soul resonance. and now, when you need it the most- when lord death is watching your every move closely for your promotion, you stupidly fail the easiest skill you could’ve showcased.

it takes one excruciatingly long minute to realize jisung has been shaking your shoulders yelling for you to snap out of it.

“yn!! yn!! are you okay??” the pure amount of concern in his eyes is enough to get you to push yourself off your feet. you ignore the searing pain in your right arm and grab jisung with your left, wordlessly. he gets the memo and gets back into form. you’re gonna have to do this the hard way.

it takes longer than you would’ve liked, but you eventually manage to find an opening to the kishin’s heart and strike it down, revealing its glowing red soul as the body dissipates. jisung shifts back to his normal form so he can grab the egg-shaped soul and swallow it down.

he’s fast with his actions so he can run back to you to check on you. you start walking the opposite direction, not being able to stomach your terrible performance. you can’t even look at him.

“yn! are you okay? please say something.” he pleads, grabbing your forearms so you’re forced to face him. you wince and retract your right arm but you don’t make an effort to turn away again. you fight the tears forming in your eyes and avoid his prying gaze, knowing that any attempt you would make to speak would croak out pathetically.

“i- i’m sorry. i’m so sorry” those are the only words you can say before jisung is pulling you into an embrace.

“you didn’t do anything wrong,” he hushes your sobs, stroking the back of your head. there's a strange nostalgia about this scene. it's fairly reminiscent of the year you and jisung first met, except your positions have swapped. last time it was you comforting a crying jisung for being too ashamed over his fear of soul consumption.

you hate how small you feel in this moment, but there's one last sliver of selfishness in you that lets you enjoy the feeling of his arms around you.

“this wasn’t your fault. don’t blame yourself,” he reminds you, though you don’t believe his words. at the end of the day, you couldn’t perform soul resonance because your wavelengths didn’t align. you had been distracted during that fight. your feelings for jisung are throwing off your wavelength levels.

“thank you, jisung”

he hears your tone and knows you well enough to know you don’t believe him. he doesn’t comment on it but it makes him sad to hear you like this. he doesn’t voice his thoughts.

“are you ready to go back to lord death?” he asks tentatively and the thought makes you completely nauseous. you’re sure you absolutely ruined your reputation in front of him but you also remind yourself that he’s probably watching you wallow in your own pity right now through his ornate mirrors.

you suck it up and give your partner the okay to keep going. he walks toward a large storefront window in the damaged city, cups his hands over the glass while letting out an exhale to fog up the surface, and writes down the numerical code engrained in all of your minds: 42-42-564. if you ever wanted to knock on death’s door. the quickest way to contact lord death himself.

the glass window soon turns into the scene of lord death’s space. you see him waiting on the other side and your stomach twists in anxiety. the both of you step through the storefront display and end up back in the graveyard.

you’re about to bow your head and profusely apologize but the reaper speaks up first, breaking the silence.

“yn,” his tone is sincere, yet you can’t quite place how he truly feels, “don’t apologize to me. i don’t want to hear it.”

you thought your heart was already at your feet, but it somehow plummeted six feet under. jisung wants to stand by your side but ultimately takes a few steps back to give this conversation some space

“is there something going on in your personal life that i should consider?”

your mouth goes dry and you attempt to respond but you can only muster up the strength to shake your head. lord death strides up to you and in that moment you think everything you ever worked for is going to crumble in front of you.

“hey, i’m not about to punish you. you’re one of the academy’s most dedicated meisters, i obviously know that whatever happened with your soul resonance was the first time that happened in all your years here, which is impressive in itself. and aside from that, you wrapped up the fight without resonating very professionally. don’t beat yourself up about this battle.”

this is too much. you’re starting to feel a little lightheaded at the rollercoaster of emotions you’re feeling. one moment you are terrified out of your mind that you let lord death down.. the next, he’s.. praising you?

“but- the promotion!” you sputter out.

“you’re exceptionally hard on yourself, yn. and i think it benefits your work ethic greatly at times, but it also pulls you down. you need to take care of yourself. i’ll look the other way when it comes to this assignment if you take a week break. a good meister knows how to balance every aspect of their lives. figure out what is causing both of your wavelengths to not resonate, i’ll work things out with your professors.”

your eyes widen at the compromise and you thank lord death for his empathy.

“thank you, lord death. i promise i won’t let you down.”

the walk back to your shared dorm is mostly quiet. you had just wrapped up your conversation with lord death and stopped at the infirmary for your arm. it had dislocated during the battle but luckily the healing process was supernaturally sped up thanks to the nurses working at the academy.

there's an unspoken tension between you and jisung with both of you knowing you weren’t on the same page in terms of wavelength. this is something that has never been an issue for the two of you. you wouldn't blame him if he felt like he was walking next to an unfamiliar person.

jisung, on the other hand, is stuck wondering what happened. there was something so clearly bothering you, so why couldn’t you tell him? his mind is desperately grasping for solutions to help pull you out of this but he’s not even sure if you’ll allow him.

if anyone could see the both of you walking together, you’re sure they’d be looking two large, grey clouds above your heads, both equipped with a torrent of pouring rain.

the jingle of your keys breaks the silence between you as you unlock the front door. in the midst of kicking off your shoes, jisung urges you to stay put. you watch him shuffle off into the kitchen before returning with a tub of ice cream and two spoons. there's a shy smile on his face, hoping that this will at least improve your mood ever so slightly. theres a twist in your heart to see him looking out for you like this but you also feel a sense of guilt for letting your feelings get in the way of his own accomplishments as a weapon.

“thank you jisung” you take the carton from him with a small smile and move over to the couch. he sits opposite of your injured arm, though its pretty much healed up at this point. he’s still mindful. the regeneration magic used on it cut down your recovery time greatly. it only really feels sore now but jisung doesn’t take any chances.

you let yourself cozy up into his side as he scrolls for something to watch. the scene is similar from the night before. you weren’t exactly sure when you started blurring the lines beyond what would be considered normal for a ‘friendship’ but none of you have ever bothered to correct this behavior.

when he finally finds something to watch, jisung leans back and starts taking spoonfuls out of the tub of ice cream situated on your lap. you look up at the television lights illuminating his features, taking a mental image of the scene so you don’t get caught staring. its a scene you’ve probably seen thousands of times, yet the more you see him like this, the more flustered it makes you.

god. you’re fucking up your wavelength by the minute, you’re absolutely sure of it.

you’ve never liked the sight of the training grounds. it reminds you of the excruciating hours you’ve spent over the past few years practicing and training to get to the point where lord death deemed you strong enough to take on assignments. you typically opt for taking on lower ranked missions if you and jisung ever need to get some practice in. at least there, the targets actually fight back.

patience was never a virtue for you- clearly.

“we were asked to spend everyday together to work out our connection” jisung recites the instructions given to you guys by lord death after he granted you a week long break.

“oh, what a difficult task..” you retort sarcastically. you don’t think there's been a day where you haven’t spent a single moment without him, “hey, do you think if we can fix our connection this weekend, we can go back to class this week?”

jisung deadpans, “lord death gave us a ‘get out of jail free card’ with a whole week off of class and you want to throw that away?”

“come onn, we’re missing so much! when we get back, we’re not gonna know anything thats going on in any of our classes!”

“i already don’t know whats going on and you’ve probably studied up until the next month’s worth of academic content. we’ll be fine,” he states factually. he honestly can’t be surprised that you’re already itching to get back to work, “plus, this break is for you to get a better grasp of work-life balance. you need this week off.” he pleads with you to concede. most of his intent is for you to take it easy on yourself, but the week off from class definitely was a perk.

you kick the dirt of the training grounds and mutter an, “i guess, i guess”

jisung grabs your waist and the transformation happens as always. you stand there holding your scythe perpendicular to your body behind you with the blade’s tip facing the ground. your left arm is extended out to the side as it holds the base while your right rests on your hip.

you toss him up into the air, the weapon twirling in circles before you grab him and hit the wooden training dummy. you give him a few experimental swings before you close your eyes and focus on what you two are really here for.

you got this.

“soul resonance!” you say, voice lacking your usual confidence. and as expected, nothing happens. you squeeze the handle in frustration as if swinging harder would magically fix your problems.

“don’t think about it too much. relax. its just me and you” you hear his voice call out.

its just me and you. your heart patters with anxiety. that’s probably the one thing you didn’t need to hear. me and you

how are you failing miserably at this when its always been you two?

you try again. and again. you’re making repeated attempts, only getting close to resonating once. that one managed to make a larger dent in the training dummy, but it was absolutely nothing you were used to.

you lost count at the embarrassing amount of failed attempts you’ve gone through. around an hour and a half passes.

most of your hits end up just being hacks into the dummy to release your frustration. you almost go in for another hit when jisung transforms back. he’s sweating and he grabs for your wrist to keep you from going further.”

“that’s enough. let’s take a break for now.”

and in your frustration, you scoff to yourself. a break, huh? that’s what you’re on right now. moved to a hiatus until you can get your shit together. you don’t voice your annoyance when you glance over at your worn out partner. he wipes the back of his hand against his forehead, displacing the sweat sticking to his bangs. guilt creeps up on you for pushing him through this with you and you imagine you probably look in worse shape than he does.

“alright.. lunch?” you breath out and he gives you a lopsided smile.

“sounds perfect” he tosses your water bottle to you as you make your way off the field. your feet don’t feel as heavy anymore as you two walk away.

“there’s no way he actually did that!” you cover your mouth to stifle your laughter.

the two of you are seated inside a nearby cafe across campus. the sun shines through the window you’re seated by but the a/c is doing wonders after your miserable training session. you take slow sips at your iced latte as jisung tells his story.

“no- because i heard it was so bad. the whole class went silent after,” jisung recounts what chenle shared to him about your friend mark. apparently, the alumni was invited back to help first years with their soul resonance unit and ended up embarrassing himself with some speech he wrote the night before. safe to say, he probably isn’t going to show his face ever again after his weapon had to drag him out of the classroom out of pure humiliation.

you continue laughing, missing the way jisung relishes in your joy. he tries to cover his smile by taking a bite of the pastry he bought while averting his eyes but jisung has never been known to be discreet.

“our training today might’ve been rough, but at least we aren’t first years running off of mark’s advice” your giggle even though referencing the prior event provides a momentary reality check.

jisung notices the shift and dares to ask about it. afterall, you haven’t directly discussed what's causing this disruption.

he’s been avoiding it, patiently waiting for you to confide in him. but as hours go on, he’s unsure it will ever be brought up.

“do you.. want to talk about it?” hesitance is laced in his tone. you keep the smile on your face when you reply.

“i- well,” you don’t feel ready to confront him with what’s been haunting you. you could never outright say ‘hey! i think our wavelengths don’t match because i’m stuck with this deep, festering crush on you and you don’t at all!’

so you lie

“i really don’t know whats going on.. maybe its just extra stress? before we went into that fight i was distracted over the fact lord death was watching..”

you curse your weak attempt at an excuse the second it comes out of your mouth, praying that jisung doesn’t point out that you were jumping into the fight headfirst out of excitement. and if he notices, he doesn’t say anything. he only nods sympathetically and doesn’t prod further.

“if you think its stress related.. how about we step off the battlefield for the week. even being on the training ground for a few hours was too much for us,” he references your disdain for the location, “lets take this break to focus on, well.. you know, each other. and return by the end of the week to see if anything worked.”

as he says that outloud, he’s painfully aware of how bad it sounds. he makes eye contact with an older woman who shoots him a look of pity. yeah, it really did look like you two were airing out your relationship issues to the whole cafe. his ears turn pink.

you, however, only nod thoughtfully, too caught up in your thoughts to catch the expressions of any eavesdroppers. you want to agree with jisung’s proposition but you’re backed up into a corner. if anything, spending more time with jisung would only do you worse.

all you want to do is camp out in your room for the next week and do your best to forget that your dumb crush is ruining your career. yet on the other hand, if you told jisung all of this, that would definitely make things a lot worse.

is it too late to start searching for a new partner? one that doesn’t through off the entire balance of your soul just from one waist grab.

no. you could never do that. you need to make sure that your souls can resonate by the end of the week, starting with his suggestion.

“alright, lets try it.” your usual self-assured tone makes an appearance with that statement and it soothes jisung to hear.

the week passes rather quickly. the two of you followed out with jisung’s proposal, spending every day together doing various things, desperately trying to get yourself back on the same page: picnics, more cafe visits, a trip out of the city, you name it. yet each planned event seems to feel more and more like dates. sure, you two already have spent everyday together for the past few years, but the intentionality of picking places to spend time with one another had your heart thinking for itself.

you really tried to ignore what it looked like, but on friday night when the two of you decided to try a new spot and eat dinner at chenle’s favorite restaurant, you really couldn’t take it anymore.

dressed in nicer attire, you stole glances at jisung while he busied himself with browsing the menu. your heart beats faster when he tugs at the collar of his white dress shirt subconsciously.

well.. maybe you’re gonna need an indefinite hiatus if he keeps this up.

you instinctively reach for your glass of water and drink a little too much to push down those thoughts.

“you alright?” he voices his concerns, hoping that since you’re nearing the end of the week, you would be open for a real conversation.

“yeah! yeah- don’t worry about me.” you try to say as naturally as possible. he nods just like how he has been doing for the entire week. there's a dull ache in his chest knowing that you still don’t feel comfortable enough to open up to him.

its odd, he thinks. he’s so used to being the anxious thinker always relying on your drive and spirit to encourage himself. it upsets him to see you so thrown off. he’ll admit, he’s not doing much better. it keeps him up at night worrying whats got you so worked up and why you don’t trust him to completely share your burdens.

jisung has the remaining energy to muster up the self control to stop thinking about this. he has to be the strong one for you, just like how you’ve been for him in the years that you’ve known him. seeing you stuck like this hasn’t happened before. he chooses his actions thoughtfully.

“jaemin was telling me how chenle finally got busted for showing up late to his literacy arts class.” he tries to take your mind off of the current situation by thinking of the first thing he could think of.

“the one he always shows up half an hour late to? its about time,” you snort. chenle, due to the identity of his father, has the habit of running on his own schedule. he’s been lucky so far that every professor he’s had has been too scared to report him to his own father, but its about time someone said something about his habit.

“seriously! we’re already halfway through the semester, it took long enough.” he sighs, thinking about his friend’s reckless behavior. the story takes your mind off of things which jisung is just grateful to see a smiling expression on you.

the two of you chat for the rest of the dinner and you start to feel a little more at ease.

its the next morning when the both of you are back on the empty training grounds. its officially been one week since you were last here. you feel the pit of anxiety in your stomach but you try to drown it out with affirmations of confidence. you’re hoping the act at least convinces yourself that you can do this.

you notice the faint dark circles underneath jisung’s eyes but he tries to tell you its just because you had to wake up early for this.

“i’m ready. i trust you, yn. lets do this.” jisung tells you sincerely and you think that might’ve been the first time you felt hope about actually succeeding this week.

you take both of his hands in his and give them a squeeze, “we got this.”

you continue repeating that phrase under your breath as he shifts into the familiar weapon. the hands you were once holding are now a cold bar of metal, signaling you to begin.

you twirl your scythe around your body, trying to mimic the motions you know so well, the ones you’ve gone through a hundred times. you can do it again.

as you approach the wooden dummy, you actually feel the hope building up. as you swing the scythe in a circular motion, you feel the essence of jisung’s soul nearby. you close your eyes and approach the target.

“soul resonance!” you strike.

a light emits from the training dummy, its fainter than what its supposed to look like and you didn’t land a clean blow.

and even though it was a partial success, you can’t help but feel that rush of disappointment return.

jisung is quick to return back to form and you turn your back to face away from him and the in-tact training dummy serving as a reminder for your failure.

you’re so frustrated. though you’ve made slight progress, it really does feel like your back at square one.

you start walking away. you don’t even know where you’re going but you feel everything in your body driving you off this stupid field.

“yn.” jisung’s voice calls out to you, presumably to get you to try again. you couldn’t even get yourself to want to go through another attempt. its only going to make you more upset when it doesn’t work out.

“what is it?” you snap back, sounding more sharp than you intended. the second you say it you immediately regret it. jisung doesn’t deserve to face the brunt of your frustrations.

“..do you not trust me?” his voice comes out weaker this time, self-doubt clear in his words. he looks exhausted. you turn around to face your partner. it feels as if an eternity passes as you two stare into each other’s eyes, trying to figure out what the other is thinking.

“in what world would i ever not trust you?” you ask, pained and baffled as to why he even has that thought in his mind.

“then tell me whats wrong,” he pleads, “you don’t think i notice? this whole week you’ve been dancing around telling me the actual issue. i know somethings bothering you, yn. i know you. i only wish you would share it with me. we’re supposed to be.. equals.” the last word he spoke faltered. he said it as if he didn’t quite believe it

“jisung-” your eyes widen at his confession. there was never a day where you would consider yourself anything other than his equal, his partner. guilt weighs in your heart that you hadn’t noticed his desire to hear what’s been causing your turmoil, “its nothing like that, trust me.” you try to defend yourself, desperately trying to grasp at a viable explanation.

“then tell me, yn. tell me what it is.” he takes a few steps closer to you and you feel your hands go numb.

“i like you.” you blurt out. you see his frustrated expression morph into one of surprise. his eyes flicker between yours for further explanation. he stays silent while you continue, “i’m sorry. i tried to ignore it, i really did. our wavelength imbalance- i know its my fault. the whole thing is so dumb but i like you so much that its throwing off our entire balance.”

jisung hesitantly reaches out to you to say something but you beat him to it and dart off the field. you run, just like you’ve been running away from the issue this entire week.

you’re aware you don’t have anywhere to go. you live with him after all, but it doesn’t stop the overwhelming desire to lock yourself up for an indefinite amount of time. you’ve never felt this pathetic before.

you sit in your room with the door locked and lights off. after this exhausting week, you just need to think. with no point of reference of what time it currently is, your solitude feels like an eternity.

you recall hearing the front door open and close a while ago. you even heard jisung’s light footsteps in front of your own door and delicate knock, “i’m home.. by the way.” his voice is muffled. you can’t seem to place how he’s feeling through his words. you remain dead silent in response, trying to pass it off as being asleep. he lingers at the door a few seconds longer before retreating back to his room.

it was slightly after that instance when you actually fell asleep, deciding that you could probably use the extra rest after what had just occurred.

one hour turns into four when you wake up around noon, not expecting to have crashed out for that long. catching up on the much needed sleep, you don’t feel as convoluted as before. you still weren’t ready to step outside the haven that your room provided, still feeling sick over the reality of having to stand face to face with jisung. you’ll never be able to perform soul resonance with him because, fundamentally, your entire relationship is ruined. where are you going to find another weapon? let alone one that worked so perfectly with you. god. it was perfect. you grip your pillow in frustration and flip it, covering your head. you almost want to scream into it, but you're hyper aware of jisung’s presence in this dorm.

you can even hear him shuffle around in the kitchen, telling you that it is indeed lunch time. the thought of running into jisung to grab something in the pantry kills your appetite a little. flopping over, you stare at the ceiling and recount all the memories that led up to this point.

the amount of time passed is unknown to you. if you were to guess, you would say it's already dinner time but maybe that’s the hunger talking from your missed lunch.

you’ve rotted the whole day away in your bed and you’re ready to spend the next year there if you have to.

those thoughts of recluse are interrupted by what you assume to be jisung coming home again. you thought you heard him leave a bit ago, but you were set on distracting yourself from analyzing his every footstep around the house. however, your stomach growls and an instance of regret kicks in when you realize you should’ve snuck out to the kitchen when he wasn’t occupying the same living space as you. you groan at the missed opportunity.

a few raps at your door echo into the room. you curse yourself for making any noise because there’s no way you could play asleep again. you’re about to open your mouth to ask him to go away but jisung is faster in speaking up.

“i’m not leaving this time. i’m coming in.” he warns you somewhat sternly before opening up the door separating him and your personal refuge. the crinkle of plastic bags follows him in the room. he's carrying take out. once the scent of fast food hits the air, your stomach betrays you and the initial growl from a few minutes grows louder. he deposits the bags at your desk before moving closer to where you’re seated at the edge of your bed. he kneels on the floor and places a hand on your knee.

“we need to talk. i wanted you to be ready on your own time but, i’m sorry, i have to speed up this process.” he chuckles at that last part. you both know you were stubborn enough to avoid him for the rest of your lives if you had to. he rises from his position on the floor to sit on the edge of your bed.

his hand moves from your leg to your hand and he pulls it toward him. his eyes urge you to remain in contact with him.

“how have you not noticed this whole time?” he asks you softly, glancing at your interlocked hands. your heart beats out of your chest when he continues, “the day that test paired us up, i saw it in your eyes that you wanted a different partner,” he fondly laughs at the memory and squeezes your hand, “but when you laid out your dreams to me, something told me that i needed to make myself capable of helping you achieve your every wish.”

he moves your hand to his chest, placing it atop his heart. “i am the weapon i am today only because of you. because i’ve always admired your drive and dedication to do what you love. you’ve pushed me to be the best version of myself and grow more comfortable in my identity as a scythe. i’ve always loved that about you,” his grip on your hand loosens and you take the liberty to trace it upward to his cheek, resting it there as you stare into his eyes, “i’ve always loved you.”

and though you’ve managed to get through the majority of the day without shedding any tears, you feel your cheeks getting wet before you even realize. jisung is quick to delicately wipe them away, his large hands softly rubbing your face. you melt into his touch and he leaves his hands cupping your cheeks. you don’t know how long you two spend in that position before your faces eventually end up inches away from each other.

“can i?” he looks at you with shining eyes that cause your heart to soften the second he asks.

“of course” you breathe out, eyes fluttering closed. he waits a second after receiving confirmation before dipping in to kiss you. his hold on you is gentle, every touch channels the greatest amount of care. you lean closer to him, resting your hand against his thigh as you continue the kiss further. as you two share this moment, you feel as if your soul is fusing with his.

jisung moves one of his hands to your waist as you briefly break apart to catch your breath.

“i’m sorry about this. i really hope you know why i wasn’t telling you the truth this whole week-” you feel the need to apologize but he cuts you off with a kiss.

“i know, i trust you” he embraces you, smiling in your neck.

“and i’ll always trust you,” you both lean back into the bed and lay there for who knows how long. the takeout on your desk sits forgotten, but neither of you care about that at all- not when your souls are unified, having found their home in each other.

“soul resonance!” you slash into the training dummy. you returned to the field the next day with jisung, never having felt more confident. within your first attempt of the day, you are knocked back by a blinding white light- one brighter than ever before. it takes ten seconds for the light to fade and you and jisung are met with the sight of your demolished training victim as well as a massive gash in the field behind it.

“holy shit.” jisung morphs back, staring in awe at the damage you caused to the training grounds. he looks at the huge dirt cavern you sliced out of the grass and back to you, “holy shit!”

you turn to him excitedly and jump into his arms, spinning around as you two celebrate the long week of trying to repairing your broken connection. he finally sets you down, still keeping you in his embrace. his head lifts up to look at you.

“do you think we’re gonna get in trouble for,, this?” he references the mess and you step back to further examine just what you caused.

“who cares. we’ll never be back here.”

bonus scene:

“today we have an alumni here to speak to the class about advanced soul resonance. mr. mark lee, please give these students a word of advice.” the professor steps down and a young man walks to the front of the lecture hall.

“alright guys, uh, listen up,” the fairly awkward boy clears his throat in front of all the students, “no matter what they say, no matter what they do. we gon’ resonate. resonate!”

the class goes silent.

#park jisung x reader #park jisung imagines #park jisung imagine #park jisung scenarios #park jisung fluff #jisung x reader #jisung imagine #jisung imagines #jisung scenarios #nct fic #nct imagine #nct scenarios #nct scenario #nct dream x reader #nct x reader #nct dream fluff #nct dream imagines #nct dream au

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iateyourfav · 10 months ago

Text

Faster (Reprise)

Watching Tech win that race made you feel some type of way, so you show him your appreciation.

Inspired by this post by @bsxcrxts

Based on Season 2 Ep 4!

! 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !

Tech x Reader

Tags: nsfw, afab reader, no pronouns/gender neutral reader, aftercare

CW: face fucking, rough blowjobs, afab masturbation, handjobs (both receiving), hair pulling, slight praise kink, dom/sub dynamics, switching, orgasm control, shameless smut, bickering, Tech is LOUD

Words: 3.659

I was literally on aphrodisiacs while I wrote most of this I'm sorry

Masterlist

Read on ao3

You were quiet on the flight back to Ord Mantell. While Wrecker and Omega were sleeping in the back of the ship, tired from everything that happened on Safa Toma, you were sitting in the co-pilot seat next to Tech. You were deep in thought, trying to figure out why exactly you were feeling the way you did right now.

Something about watching Tech win that race made you feel giddy inside. It wasn’t just the concept of him winning the race itself. Everything flowed together so perfectly. The way he casually multi-tasked to study the schematics of that tunnel while engaging in a sport he literally learned about hours ago. The way he tricked those other two racers into crashing into each other. The way that it was clear that losing this race was not even an option he considered. That was probably the most attractive thing about the whole thing. The confidence in his own piloting skills.

You looked over at Tech, who was currently getting the ship ready to land. You were so deeply engaged in your own thoughts you didn’t even hear him when he announced you were almost at your destination. You felt the aftereffects of your revision of the previous events as well. Your face and ears were all hot and even goosebumps were making themselves apparent on your arms and legs. You couldn’t just move on from what you had witnessed on Safa Toma, you wanted to revel in the memory just a little bit longer. You wanted to show Tech just how much you enjoyed watching him race.

You stayed in your seat when Omega and Wrecker left the ship, basically sprinting on their way to get some Mantell Mix. This presented you with the opportunity to stay on the ship with Tech, alone. So when you noticed him get up, intending to leave the ship as well and go after his siblings, you stopped him in his tracks by calling out his name.

“What is it?” he asked, though you noticed most of this attention was focused on the datapad he was holding in his hands.

“Could you maybe explain to me how exactly you won that race one more time? In detail?" this caught his full intention “Why do you require an explanation? You were there to see it.” He sat back down, indicating that he was expecting this conversation to last longer. Your mind was racing, trying to decide if you wanted to be straightforward about how horny seeing him casually win that race made you or if you wanted to play innocent. You decided on the latter, for now. “I just think it would be beneficial to understand your thought process behind the whole thing.” You shrugged, trying to appear as casual as possible. He raised an eyebrow, though he didn’t question you any further.

“At first I stayed further back, seeing as I was rather unfamiliar with the route..” You leaned forward in your chair, eyes sparkling while a smile crept up on your face. You liked when he explained things to you. You could listen to him for hours, trying not to miss a single detail. So, as if the chair moved on its own, you inched closer to Tech. He noticed, though he didn’t acknowledge your action with more than a quick look at your chair as it moved closer to him. Initially, you didn’t think much about his reaction. But when you moved closer again, wanting to make sure you couldn’t possibly miss a word he was saying, he looked over again, but this time he stuttered as well, barely noticeable, but with the amount of attention you paid to him right now, you couldn’t miss it.

You managed to distract him, even unintentionally.

This revelation changed your approach to this situation. You were eager to keep listening to him explain his strategy, but at the same time you wanted to find out just how much you could distract him from his task at hand. So you moved even closer. This time his gaze lingered on the foot of the co-pilot seat for a bit before traveling up your legs, then quickly looking the other way. All while still explaining, of course.

You decided to throw caution into the wind and just keep diving head first into the situation presented before yourself, shoving thoughts of possible embarrassment, if this situation were to go wrong, to the side. You extended your right leg, slowly shuffling it towards his left. When the toes of your shoes touched, he paused his rambling about how he studied the schematics of that restricted tunnel mid-race. “What are you doing?”

You tried to keep calm, trying to appear confident in your actions instead of as nervous as you actually felt. You could not think of a single excuse for trying to get this close to him. It seemed you had no other choice than to confess. “I just… Something about the way you won that race was captivating to me. I wanted you to explain how you went about doing that because it made me feel.. giddy inside.” The apparent blush on your face and you obviously staring at the floor to avoid eye contact destroyed any type of confidence or seduction you were trying to display. You swallowed hard before stating the next sentence. “I actually wanted to show you how much I enjoyed watching you during that race.” You dared a look at his face. Tech's eyes were locked on yours as soon as you looked back up at him, his mouth slightly agape. This was very clearly not what he expected you to say. There was an uncomfortable silence as he was thinking of a response. You don’t think you ever witnessed him having to think about something for so long. Then he put his data pad to the side, giving you his full attention.

“Do as you wish.” This was not an answer you were expecting. Your expression matched the one he had on his face earlier, eyes focused on his and lips slightly apart, dumbfounded. Tech, on the other hand, was now back to explaining those tunnel schematics as if nothing at all had happened. You took his statement as an invite to continue your advances. Though you required further communication to be able to proceed with your actions. So, not wanting to interrupt him, you raised your hand as if you were a student having questions about the ongoing lecture. He noticed this. “Yes?” he asked, eyebrows raised, not only interested in how you decided to get his attention, but also what it was you had to say. You asked your question while sinking onto your knees in front of his chair “Tell me to stop as soon as you want me to.” You looked up at him with a serious look on your face, wanting to make sure this was communicated as well as possible. The last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable.

Tech replied instantaneously. “Thank you for your concern, though I do not intend to stop you from anything you may have planned.” A shiver ran down your spine. He was eager for this as well. If it was not clear from this statement, it was from the way his legs shifted apart slightly, making room for you. And then he just kept on rambling, which you were glad to listen to.

Your right hand started at his calf, traveling up to his knee while your left hand landed just above his other knee simultaneously. You could feel him tense up. You were still listening to everything he said while your hands slowly made their way up his thighs. Your gaze was studying him from the top down. You broke eye contact to look at him top to bottom. Your eyes first found leverage on his chest, stomach, then his crotch. You could swear you heard a particularly loud gulp when your gaze landed where it did last. Your hands made their way towards his toolbelt, having to loosen it, at least the main buckle, to reach where you wanted to end up. You unbuckled the belt quickly before removing his codpiece. He did not once stop laying out his strategy to you, though his voice sounded coarser now.

You shuffled further between Tech's legs, your elbows resting on his knees as you undid his trousers. Then you paused. He had stopped his speech as soon as your hand reached his zipper. You looked up at him, eyes huge due to the low angle at which you were positioned. You wouldn't have noticed how much your actions were affecting him from just his voice, as it was barely disturbed before you tried to get into his pants, though a single look in his face revealed how hard he was blushing at your actions. You gave him a small smile before stating: “Keep talking.” It seemed you had now regained the upper hand in this situation. You enjoyed seeing how he reacted to you, the effect you had on him, especially considering how much it usually takes to distract him from his ramblings.

He picked his sentence back up where he paused it earlier. „I decided weapons were slowing me down too much, so I left them behind.“ You could tell he tried to talk as casually as possible, but with the way he gripped at his chair and his eyes intensely focused on your hands, it was easy to tell just how eager he was. Not to mention how noticeably hard he was by now. Your hand brushed over his crotch, making him shiver, before reaching into his pants to pull his dick out.

He groaned at this action. He was louder than you expected, and you hadn‘t even properly started yet. Even though this sound he emitted sent a shock straight to your core, you didn‘t like how it disturbed his rambling.

“I didn‘t say you could stop explaining.“ Another groan. You knew how much he enjoyed babbling about whatever was on his mind, so it shouldn‘t have surprised you that it turned him on when someone actually wanted to hear what he had to say.

When he started talking again you began ghosting your hand over his now fully hard cock. He shivered once more but he just kept on rambling. When you looked up at him again you noticed his eyes were now shut, most likely to help him concentrate on laying out his strategy further. A small smile formed on your face, pleased with the power you had over him right now. You started pumping him, almost as a reward, because he did so good relaying the race to you.

A whimper escaped his throat. You noticed his voice had become breathier and quieter. His eyes were still closed and his head pressed against the headrest of the pilot‘s chair, trying his hardest to keep his composure - and failing miserably. Some encouragement might help, you thought. You paused the up and down motion of your hand on his dick to speak.

“Look at me.“ His glassy eyes met yours. Your hand twisted slightly, earning you another whimper from Tech. „ You‘re doing so well explaining, and as soon as you‘re finished telling me all about that race, I‘ll reward you properly.“ He bucked his hips into your hand, accompanied by a low moan. He swallowed hard before snapping back at you. „I do not require your praise. I am fully in control of myself.“ You snorted, disregarding his statement. „With the way your body is reacting to me, I beg to differ.“

This time, instead of talking back to you, he continued his explanation. You noticed he was talking notably faster now, but you let him get away with it and started pumping and twisting your hand again.

„I-I took the l-left t-tunnel, seeing as I w-was now a-able to go f-fast enough to be a-able to make it a-across the m-missing part of the t-track.“ It took everything in Tech to form a coherent sentence in this state. „Keep going.“ you spurred him on further, studying the way his face contorted in pleasure and concentration.

You shuffled closer, leaning towards his cock. Wanting to challenge his focus even more, you puckered your lips, blowing some air on the tip. A shiver ran down his entire body and his breathing hitched. Again, he paused his debriefing. „I thought you would only intend to let me into your mouth after I finish the revision of the race.“ He was next to breathless. „Don’t be so hasty. This is only a preview to keep you motivated.“ You licked a small circle around the head of his dick to emphasize your statement. A deep, uncensored, guttural moan left his mouth. „Don‘t cum too soon, or I‘ll leave you here with nothing.“, you whispered up at him. „We will see about that.“, he responded, more bratty than did him good right now. You retracted your head, sitting straight on your heels now again, and squeezed him a little; a kind of warning to keep him in line.

You could not deny that his small attempt at gaining back dominance heated up your entire body. So, while Tech tried his hardest to finish the last portion of his explanation, you shifted your hips to rub your thighs together, hoping your attempt at trying to get some friction would go unnoticed. Your hands were still busy, with your right back to pumping him with increasing speed and your left digging into his still clothed thigh.

“…I-I fell back, l-letting the r-racers that b-boxed me in c-crash into e-eachother, allowing m-me to a-accelerate p-past them and w-win the race.“ You could feel his muscles relax after finishing his last sentence. He opened his eyes to look down at you again. He looked desperate, almost teary-eyed.

„You explained so well, and now I wanna reward you for it.“, you purred up at him. You lifted your hips, resting your weight on your knees. Your arms found their way to the back of your head to gather your hair so it wouldn‘t get in your way. You would have to hold it back with one hand, seeing as you were not in possession of a hair tie at the moment.

You were about to lean forward to take him into your mouth when something stopped you. Tech's much bigger hand landed on top of yours at the back of your head where you held your ponytail in place. You glanced up at him, slightly dumbfounded. „Let go. I will hold it back for you.“, he elaborated. Your attempt at nodding as a way to show acknowledgement of what he said resulted in him pulling at your hair on accident. You twitched. Tech's eyes widened, displaying concern. „I apologize. It will not happen again.“ You kind of enjoyed the sensation, though. „No. Keep doing that. Feels good.“ You removed your hand that was still in your hair from underneath his.

Both of your elbows found leverage on his thighs once again. Your right hand gripped the base of his cock while your lips lowered onto him to kiss his tip. This triggered another whimper on his part. You felt his grip on your hair become tighter. Your eyes locked with his. He was searching for affirmation in your gaze. You smiled up at him, biting your lip as a nonverbal sign of your enjoyment. You lowered your mouth back onto him, now taking him until he hit the back of your throat. He gave you a long, deep moan this time. He pushed you down even further onto him, making you gag. Tech moaned again, seemingly enjoying the sight and feeling of you almost choking on him. He bucked his hips into your mouth once before asking: „May I take the lead now?“ You nodded as eagerly as possible with a dick this deep down your throat, giving up the last bit of control you had over him.

His grip on your hair tightened the slightest bit more before he took full control, shoving your head up and down on his dick, his hips bucking up every time his tip met the back of your throat. You gripped his upper thighs, holding on for dear life. Your core ached at the way he used you to his advantage, while he kept on groaning and moaning with every movement, you looked up at him. While all you saw on his face was passion and pleasure, he looked down at you, tears streaming down your face as a response to how he used your mouth like this was the only thing it was intended for.

You stuck your tongue out, which reached his balls every time he pushed your face towards his pelvis. His head fell back, overwhelmed with pleasure. You could barely handle the sight of him.

Your arousal had built up steadily since this whole situation started, and now you had reached the point where you couldn‘t go untouched any longer. Not wanting to interrupt Techs enjoyment with your own greedy need for bodily pleasure you slowly removed one of your hands from Techs thigh. It slowly traveled down your body until you reached your cloth-covered clit. You tried rubbing yourself through the fabric of your underwear. Thankfully, you chose to wear a skirt that day, so you at least had only one barrier between your fingers and your swollen clit tormenting you.

You groaned in a mix of pleasure and frustration, sending vibrations down the dick still steadily ramming down your throat. This sent Tech over the edge. He gripped your hair tighter, holding your head in place as he came down your throat. You helped him through his orgasm by bobbing your head up and down ever so slightly. He pulled you off him by your hair. He looked out of breath, and when you stuck out your tongue at him, showing him you swallowed everything he had given to you, he groaned one last time before leaning down and kissing your forehead, hands still tangled in your hair.

That‘s when he saw where your second hand had gone. You had completely forgotten about your own pleasure when Tech came, the hand pressed to your core just a remnant of what you had attempted without him noticing. Now he saw exactly what you needed, though.

“I would gladly provide assistance, if you let me.“ except for heavy breathing on his side, there was no indication this man had just fucked your throat until both of you were seeing stars. You looked up at him, lips agape. You didn‘t even attempt to talk, already aware your throat was sufficiently sore at the moment, so you just eagerly nodded your head.

He offered you a hand, as if he hadn‘t just used your throat as a sex toy, and pulled you up into his lap, your back facing his chest. His hands gripped your ankles and pulled them in towards your ass and spread your thighs by parting your knees. Your hands gripped onto his forearms for balance and security. He put his chin on your shoulder, your temple touching his goggles. He wanted to see exactly what he was working with.

He brushed his hand over the wet spot on your underwear, exactly as you did with him earlier. He didn‘t even bother to take them off, just pushing them to the side, leaving your core flush, swollen and exposed. You shivered at the cold air of the ship hitting you at your most sensitive area. He brushed his hand over your now naked folds. „I did not expect that using you in the way I did would make you this wet.“

You moaned at his words, feeling slightly embarrassed at his wording.

Tech's fingers found your clit and began slowly tracing circles around it. This time you bucked your hips, needing more. „Don‘t be so hasty.“, he mocked your statement from earlier. His teasing didn‘t last long though, as he soon added a second finger to enhance the feeling. It didn‘t take long for you to feel your orgasm build up. You turned your face towards him, your nose pressing against his cheek as his head was still resting on your shoulder. Your lips parted slightly, whispering small, breathy moans directly into his ear. You could hear him swear before he quickened his movements, pressing down harder. Your moans increased in frequency and volume with every circle he traced until you reached your high. Back arching, thighs trembling, groaning, ignoring the ache in your throat. Your head fell back onto his shoulder. He pressed his palm flat against your clit, his hand quivering slightly, providing gentle stimulation while he helped you ride out your orgasm as his head turned to yours kissing your cheek.

You stayed like this for several minutes before you caught your breath again. He moved your underwear back into place. When he could tell you recovered from your orgasm enough to not pass out and fall over as soon as he let you go, Tech lifted you off his lap, setting you back onto the floor. You looked up at him, cheeks still stained with tears, still breathing heavily.

„You did well, and it is obvious you enjoyed this as much as I did, but I can tell your throat is sore, which needs to be taken care off quickly before it gets any worse. I will make you some tea.“ He tucked himself back into his pants and fastened his toolbelt again before getting up, walking towards a storage cabinet to get some teabags. You looked after him, still sitting on the floor next to the codpiece he had left behind, wondering how this was the same man who used your mouth as a fleshlight moments ago.

#the bad batch #tbb #tbb tech #the bad batch fanfiction #tbb smut #smut #tech x reader #star wars the bad batch

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thatfeelinwhenyou · 4 days ago

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hey girlie! just wanted to come on and let you know that there's an author on here that's plagiarising your work. well, she claims she's never heard of safe & sound before that's why she didn't give you any credits. but before that she said she knows about it but never read it, and only know the synopsis. which i find kinda weird? she also mentioned your fic in her authors note but never actually tagged you or anything.

she says that she was inspired by a story she read on wattpad? but some of the scenes are literally identical, and almost word for word.

her disclaimers and warnings are almost same as yours too... thought that you should know about this!

i'll link the fic in another ask because i'm not sure if you'd want to post it out there or not!!

hi anon! first of all, thank you so much for alerting me about this matter. and also to the many other anons who sent in an ask telling me about this 🥹🫶

i'm only replying to this specific ask because it's the only one that didn't explicitly state the blog of the writer. rest assured i saw all your asks, and i really really appreciate it!

i will just say my two cents here. i'm not even going to engage with the author of that particular fic because there's no age indication on their blog, and god forbid i'm beefing with a kid 😂

i went to check out the fic and thought to myself it can't be THAT simila—i am dumbfounded!

fic in qns s&s

it's not word for word but personally, i think the idea is there.

next, to address the point where they claimed they never even knew my fic existed until someone commented to let them know (this conversation with the user that brought it up took place on 13 Feb). i took the liberty to scroll through my notifs and found their username liking part 4 & the masterlist of s&s on 11 Feb...

it's definitely understandable that ideas overlap or are inspired—after all safe & sound was also inspired by The Walking Dead and The Hunger Games. and personally, i think it's okay to express the same ideas in one's own flair. but i find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that they found it necessary to claim that they didn't know that s&s existed.

they did end up mentioning safe & sound in the author's note. but only to reiterate that they weren't inspired by it, but by a story they'd read on wattpad. and because s&s and said wattpad story are "exactly the same" they gave credits to me (no tags or anything of sorts). which i find it so weird because shouldn't you give the credit to the writer of that specific story you were inspired by and not... me?

the user that was engaging with them also requested for the wattpad story link but they "deleted the app" 😅

my intention is not to be petty or put myself on a pedestal, but with the indications right in my face i think i have the right to be concerned. i also want to clear up the confusion among my readers that's taken the effort to alert me about the issue!

if you have coincidentally come across this fic, and have read it. could you let me know if you think it's similar? who knows maybe i'm just insecure or smt 🤡

however, this is not in anyway insinuating anyone to go onto their blog and spread negativity. please do not engage! i'm only here for opinions and to prevent anyone else from engaging.

lastly, if you're the author of this particular fic and you think you've been wronged and that i've misunderstood, please do not hesitate to reach out to me!

thank you.

-nat

#tfwy safe&sound

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utilitycaster · 11 months ago

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Hi there, I saw in one of your tags recently that "if you think the raven queen was being unfair, I'm not really interested in your opinions." I was wondering if you could talk a little more about that because I'll be honest, Vax isn't my favorite character but I've seen all of C1 and I really don't get why some people HATE the RQ, call her unfair, manipulative and pretty plainly say this moon conflict is mostly her fault because she took Vax and through a Domino effect Ludinus is releasing Predathos. Also, I enjoy your theories and analysis for CR so much you got me listening to Midst, so thank you.

Hi anon,

Great question! This is going to be a very long post, with a relatively short initial answer, because there is both the literal misinterpretation that indicates this is not someone with strong analytical skills nor knowledge of canon, and a number of potential mindsets that lead to this manner of thinking in the first place, none of which I respect. You happen to have sort of hit upon the foundational elements of my whole deal re: CR meta, so, buckle in.

The first part is simple: Vex died because Percy triggered a trap before she'd been healed up. We've seen this sort of trap elsewhere in non-divine contexts (Folding Halls of Halas); it's just a form of trap. A particularly nasty one, but this is for a very powerful relic she doesn't want falling into the wrong hands, and, moreover, the party could have likely disabled it either through rogue skills or magic had Percy waited. Vax, then, as the third part of the resurrection ritual, told the Raven Queen to take him instead of Vex. The Raven Queen did precisely as he asked. He did not need to offer this (Scanlan was going to make an offering, the other parts of the ritual had gone well, it was Vex's first death so the DC was low, and Vax could have made any number of other, less dramatic offers), and he did so with the understanding that he would die in lieu of Vex, right then and there. He did not. I think that's the only case, actually, where the Raven Queen was not 100% upfront with her intentions before Vax accepted something; but he offered it voluntarily. Vax was a person who formed extremely intense connections, to the point where it was perhaps unhealthy, and did not believe life without his sister was worth living, and was willing to sacrifice himself to a god.

Everything after that was extremely straightforward. Vax communed with the Raven Queen, who spoke very directly with him in his vision in the Raven's Crest. She was extremely clear when she met with him following his disintegration: he was given the option to refuse her offer, and he took it instead. It is not manipulative to give someone a difficult decision, and if a character you like makes a choice you don't like, it is not automatically the result of manipulation.

As for the moon conflict being her fault…that is, to put it bluntly, unhinged, and what's more, ironic given that that's the manipulative argument. Ludinus tried to commune with Ruidus using a random crystalline artifact beneath Molaesmyr, centuries before Vax was born. He was going to do this regardless. If he couldn't get Vax, he'd get some other sliver of divinity, and what's more, it's been all but stated that Vax is not actually supposed to be leaving the Shadowfell to protect Keyleth, and is disobeying the Raven Queen directly (and it's been stated that this isn't necessarily helpful for Keyleth, who is trying to grieve and move on). So: Vax made his choices with the knowledge of what they entailed, is trying to bend if not break the conditions to which he agreed with full knowledge in a way that probably isn't healthy for him or Keyleth, and it's bananas to be like "wow look at how the Raven Queen made Ludinus try to free Predathos." Like. Even if she had tricked Vax, which she didn't, Ludinus literally could have just kept on his racist imperialistic longevitymaxxing beat indefinitely and left the moon well enough alone. The domino meme is a meme. I mean, while we're at it, couldn't we trace it back to Vecna instead, for killing Vax with Disintegrate in the first place, since had he not done so, Vax would have either survived that fight or would have been resurrected normally? Or perhaps it's Percy for triggering that trap. Or the Chroma Conclave for being the reason why Vox Machina was seeking the Deathwalker's Ward in the first place…but that only happened because Allura and Kima didn't kill Thordak but rather sealed him, and because a priestess of Melora cursed Raishan so that she had reason to ally with Thordak. We can go on indefinitely; the point is, to assign blame specifically to the Raven Queen when Ludinus literally did not have to do a goddamn thing with the moon is a fucking stupid take.

Below the cut, I talk root causes behind why people might decide the Raven Queen was unfair and come up with the above nonsensical argument to support that, since I don't think people say stupid things just to be stupid.

I think one root cause for this mentality of this is that the person in question wishes Vax hadn't died and is looking for someone to blame because they don't want to blame Matt Mercer and Liam O'Brien, even though yeah, that's who to blame. The thing is, as we learned in Campaign 2, character death is quite literally on the table. Had Vax not made his bargain, either in episode 1x103 or his original one during Vex's resurrection? He might have simply remained dead. Had he not given his life for Vex's, he was pursuing paladin anyway with the Everlight, and we don't know what she'd have required of him. But more importantly, for all people like to bring up a PC-centric perspective (which, in Actual Play, is inevitable) Vox Machina's frequent use of resurrection spells was in fact a massive privilege most people in Exandria do not have. And, unsurprisingly for a table whose DM made up rules specifically to make resurrection more difficult, the Critical Role cast is open to a story where death exists. I do not think it's an accident that resurrection has been made even harder in the subsequent campaigns. I also happen to think that Campaign 1 is a far richer and better story with Vax's death, given the other events that occurred. Had Vax not been the sort of person who would offer his life for a god to take in exchange for his sister? Sure, he'd possibly have lived to the end. But he was, and that's the character those people who wish he were still alive loved. If he wasn't that person, they wouldn't have liked him in the same way.

D&D is fundamentally about exceptional characters becoming more powerful, and will be focused on those characters. I do not think D&D supports a story about characters who reject all power. They can give up political power (the Mighty Nein, for the most part, do this - certainly more so than Vox Machina, and Bells Hells is yet to be seen) but they will progress in levels, which is power. Even if unwanted, it is power, because most people in the world are commoners with 5 HP and 10 in all their stats. With that said, a lot of people desperately want a subversion of this power narrative. Vax is, I think, the closest we get. In D&D you are not going to get a player character who finishes a campaign and remains Just Some Guy. But you can have someone like Vax, who doesn't have any interest in power (compare to Vex, who very much is about power and who gets a much happier ending) who nonetheless ends up on the Tal'Dorei Council and the favored of a god…and yet, in the end, his equally powerful friends still can do nothing to save him. I think a Power Bad story is overly simplistic, but "there are limits to power, and ultimately none of us have complete control" is not. I think Vax's death gives the story of Vox Machina a finality and heft that it would lack otherwise.

A second possible cause is the "What if the gods are BAD" argument. I'm going to be totally honest: I did not see this in the fandom until Campaign 3, and honestly, not until EXU Calamity in any widespread sense, which does lead me to believe that most people did not come up with it as a reasonable idea on their own until characters started saying it, because it is so plainly in conflict with the themes of Campaigns 1 and 2 that to make this argument would be obvious projection. Do I think a nuanced view of the gods as flawed beings, rather than perfection, is warranted? Absolutely. Mortals, too, are flawed, and we don't kill them all for it. I think Vax's story makes them uncomfortable because it makes it clear divine favor is not, as Ludinus Da'leth tries to argue, the gods just bestowing and withholding their gifts arbitrarily, but rather that divine favor comes with a divine responsibility as well. Clerics and paladins do not study the way wizards do; but they must live lives in service, whereas a wizard can shut the book at the end of the day and do whatever. Clerics and paladins have powers that can be taken away; a wizard does not. That's the fundamental concept behind the Age of Arcanum - wizards trying to get around the fundamental rules of this world! Vax's paladin powers came at a price. His options are guided, but also limited, by the oath he took. He is far more fettered than a wizard, in the end, and I think that fucks with the narrative of the gods cruelly withholding their gifts from all but a select few, so they instead make their gifts into manipulative punishments…while still, contradictorily, arguing that characters such as Laudna or Ashton or Imogen were denied the mercy of the gods. Now, setting aside the obvious, that these characters have their backstories because Marisha and Taliesin and Laura decided they would because this is a story, and one in which someone had a perfect life would be boring and so the gods didn't intervene with Laudna because Marisha Ray wanted to play a Sun Tree corpse (see next section), it really is fascinating to see how people who hate the Raven Queen so neatly align with Ludinus. It's fine for sorcerers to have inborn powers, apparently, and Ludinus actually has himself tried to ape druidic magic; it's not about power, it's just about that power source. Honestly, they're not even above the gods as a power source - Ludinus used the crystal beneath Molaesmyr seemingly unaware if it were of the Archheart, and he's demonstrably using Vax, and everyone loves a resurrection from the gods, but heaven forbid you pay someone for the work you feel yourself entitled to. (Entitlement: this will also be a theme throughout the rant portion of this post.)

As a brief subsection to this: the idea that bad things happen to good people because the other side of that coin is free will is an ancient theological and philosophical discussion, and one we are obviously not going to solve here, though it is a little depressing I have had multiple rewarding conversations on this topic, thanks to an academically rigorous religious education, starting from the tender age of 9, and a lot of adults on Tumblr seemingly can't engage on the level of my third-grade classmates. I think, however, it tells a truth that fits in well with the wizard (and entitled fan) desire to control everything. People are terrified of random forces. Cancer, for example, is a matter of probability. There are things that can increase your chances of developing cancer, to be sure, but the simile I used when I was taught about radiation-induced cancers was that of lottery tickets: if you buy more, you have a better chance; but sometimes someone who bought a single ticket "wins" and someone who bought a ticket weekly never does. By believing the gods of Exandria are on trial for not intervening with every little hardship or for not taking Vax precisely as he intended, they reveal a profound terror of random chance and of the free will of people who are not them. Which is very funny when you consider we're watching Actual Play, where random chance is a deliberately induced element. I think the takeaway of all of this is "I think some of you guys are really mad this is a D&D game." But let's continue.

The third, and honestly most likely cause, is honestly sort of a continuation of the first but not centered around Vax so much as just a general, in my opinion deeply childish discomfort of any sort of tragedy or unhappiness in fiction. I've noticed this a lot lately, and I am not a cultural critic and don't have a high enough level view to pretend to be one, but as others have noted a lot of people seem affronted when whatever show they are currently watching does not meet their specific standards of "comfort media" or "hopepunk." It's a self-infantilization I don't care for, and it's certainly not limited to the CR fandom (see: any grown-ass adult passionately defending a choice to only watch children's cartoons and only read YA) or even fandom at all (see: the baffling popularity of the Mr. Rogers "look for the helpers" line which was intended for anxious young children, not for adults who can and should be the helpers). It really came into focus for me with CR when people referred to both EXU Calamity and to Candela Obscura's Circle of Needle and Thread as specifically "hopeless." They are, to me, deeply hopeful series. They are sad, and tragic, and many characters do not get a happy ending, but they are ultimately about how some people will endure, and will live on and find meaning after great loss. Calamity explicitly states that because of the actions of the heroes, while devastation will occur, total annihilation is mitigated. It's like the adage of how courage only means something in the face of fear; hope only means something in the face of darkness. Happy and fluffy tales are not hopeful; they are merely not things that require you to have hope. The root word of catharsis is that of cleansing and purgation and it originally related to physical excretion - cathartic stories are about getting those complicated and ugly emotions and fears out and feeling better for it by briefly feeling, perhaps, worse! Now, again, this has worsened with Vax's story with time. Shortly after Campaign 1, it was very common to see stories where Vex or Keyleth were utterly distraught, indefinitely, but those at least were engaging with grief, even if in a very shallow and unproductive way. But this has morphed into this idea that the fact that a work of fiction might make you even feel sadness makes it bad, and wrong, and hopeless, and the machinations of a cruel and heartless god. Which brings me back to the entitlement narrative: it's really as simple as "the story didn't give me what I wanted (whether that was a happy ending for Vax, or for Keyleth, or just a lack of sadness generally, or a narrative about the gods that validates my personal beliefs, or a way to justify Ludinus's actions), so it is bad." Which again is about being in control of the narrative, which again, in D&D, is simply not something anyone can claim. Why are these people here watching a D&D game? I don't know.

So that's really it: on a basic level, if you think the Raven Queen is unfair, you are profoundly ignorant of canon, so I'm already going to have to fact check anything you cite (if you cite at all), but there's a much deeper refusal to meet stories where they are and expand one's own comfort zone at play, and that means any analysis will never consider the possibility that your pre-existing beliefs were wrong (absolutely crucial in meta). You will always play it too safe and be uninspired and reactionary because the alternative is uncertainty and fear. I think a refusal to embrace tragedy in fiction is itself a profound tragedy; that is someone who is terrified to believe that life goes on.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #long post #candela tag #ngl i'm torn about not maintagging this; kind of want to but it does go somewhat far from the original topic

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fleshengine · 7 months ago

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unironically, dealing with like... casual transmisogyny is the most exhausting thing. I see a post on instagram, the first slide says "trans erotica" and I think "awesome, I wonder what's in it?" As I go through the slides I notice... huh these first couple are all transmasc erotica, well maybe the last few will be transfem. So I keep scrolling, and while it doesn't specify if the books have transmasc or transfem characters, there are tags for the relationships and they're all fucking Ms. "MM relationship" "MMM polycule" and I get to the end and there's not a single one that has a transfem character. I go to leave a comment like "hey please put 'transmasc' instead of 'trans' so people know what you're talking about. But I check the description first because that's polite. They've already added a section in the description (at the very bottom) saying next time they'll be clearer. "Title slide should definitely say transMASC erotica! I will makes this more clear in future versions, as trans women and femmes are too often neglected in discussions of trans literature [double heart emoji] (added 7/8/2024)"

Remake the post? I'm not kidding. If other transfems see this post, get excited and then scroll through the whole thing and then go to the comments, enough that the poster was made aware of the mix up, then it's going to push this post in the algorithm. This person is benefitting from misleading people, and they are aware of it. But fixing it is just too much work. And like... okay fine I get that it's a little exhausting to re-edit the image and then takedown and reupload the post. But when I went to their account to take a poke around I saw they made a part II to their trans erotica post.

I thought "oh cool they didn't change the first image, maybe they've included transfem erotica now!" Second sentence of the first paragraph of description: "Offering up transmasc erotica collection PART TWO bc I've been staying fed recently [trans flag][black heart][bow][smiling devil face]" Which at least personally I found really frustrating to read. They used the exact same graphic for the first slide as they used in part I, again implying that there would be trans people in general. I went through the books, there's two amab enbies, both of which are side characters it seems one of which is the devil So yeah, horray, you included tranfems. But the focus is still clearly on transmasc characters. But to be fair, it was posted before the edit to part I's description was added. But also even though part II was posted before that edit, it doesn't have an edit of it's own. Probably because there's plausible deniability in the form of the amab enby characters, so they can claim that all trans people are included. Despite it being two characters in ten books, neither of which are a trans woman. It's the sort of fake, tokenizing inclusion that really starts to get under my skin and pour sand in my joints.

I went through all the posts they've made since part II, I'd go through all the ones since part I but I don't have that kind of time and frankly this is fucking exhausting. Every book they talk about, sans the two featuring amab enbies mentioned earlier, is about transmasc characters. In both erotica and other genres, that's all this person offers. It's also really telling when they make a post about "trans enby & gender queer book accounts of follow", where I would assume that they might shout out a transfem account that focuses on that side of erotica, and from what I can tell every single account of the nine they shout out is transmasc.

People in real life: "hey dude what's up?"

Yeah yeah reality check whatever. Okay so is this account in and of itself a problem? No, a 800 follower instagram account that talks about books does not a cause for alarm make. Is this indicative of a wider spread issue in the queer community? Yeah actually, the exclusion (intentional or not) of transfem stories and creators from the community starts with what individual people are engaging with. If all you read is transmasc books, and all you talk to are transmasc people then you're going to have issues when trans people aren't that. I'm not trying to attack this account, I didn't include their username very intentionally. I'm just using them as an instance of a specific brand of transmisogyny that I see a lot and find fucking exhausting, that being extremely trans positive accounts that only ever talk about transmascs. I don't know where I'm going with this. I didn't really have a plan.

There's an aversion to trans women. For a variety of reasons society hates us. People who have an easier time integrating with society at large tend to overlook that, and instead often adopt some of those aversions subconsciously. They're not going to mistreat you in public, or do anything obvious, they've got manners, but they're not gonna read books about you, or shout you out. It sucks because I feel like a crazy person pointing it out. I didn't talk about it for years because I thought people would think I'm weird, but discussions of transmisogyny on tumblr have opened my eyes to the fact that I'm not alone, that other people also see this, and that it's an actual problem.

Thanks sisters. It sucks on this boat, but at least it's crewed.

#transmisogyny #transmisogyny tw #transmisogyny discourse #I was scrolling instagram which watching Hbomberguy's plagiarism video and then saw something to complain about #then I did that Hbomberguy thing where I go waaaayyy too far in and get distracted and then try to wrap it up with something philosophical #I'm method acting hbomberguy help #revving the engine #also wow complaining about something and then having an epiphany about an aspect of racism that I couldn't wrap my head around #is really interesting and also makes me feel like a piece of shit. anyway I'm gonna talk about that later once I've digested my thoughts #harry dubois style. idk I haven't played disco elysium #wow that's a lot of tags on this post oh well I'm talkative today

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monstermoviedean · 5 months ago

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Omg ur so real for the whole “should jimmy novak be cas’ biggest/greatest regret”. i have a whole laundry list of things he could insert instead but if ur willing id love to know what you think should be up there as things he regrets most lmfao. (totally feel free 2 ignore this no matter what!!! obviously free country free website etc etc but also i promise im not trynna stir the pot im genuinely just curious as well as… drunk And therefore possibly entirely tone deaf... 2 b honest)

4 me it would be the whole purgatory thing and the leviathans getting loose as a result (as well as cas and dean getting stuck in purgatory) like. Lowkey. i don’t blame cas for Bobby dying i truly don’t hold that resentment in my heart but it’s an unavoidable fact that leviathan dick roman would never have killed Bobby if cas didn’t do what he did despite warnings from not just dean sam and bobby but also from Balthazar and the Fate girlie (i forget her specific name lol something with an A) and tbh there may be more characters who warned/cautioned/told him not do it (there also may not be other characters but yk gotta cover my bases)

also cas breaking the wall in Sam’s mind was because of the whole busting open purgatory situation so that’s a 3rd consequence of that decision. andddd also cas’ whole staunch refusal to deal with the consequences of HIS actions (episodes Reading Is Fundamental - where he wakes up in the hospital - until essentially halfway through the finale) by saying he doesn’t fight anymore etc etc just avoiding everything Negative even though all the Negative things he’s avoiding are literally his responsibility (and Crowley’s , to be fair, but Crowley is also the literally king of hell we expect this behavior and disregard for humanity from him so I don’t rlly think it can be held against him. It’s essential to his characterization).

Anyways like I said feel free to ignore this I just saw ur post/tags and it made LOL

oh my gosh THANK YOU! no i'm so happy to talk about this and so happy you sent this.

you hit some big ones for me! and i want to be clear that i don't want to assign feelings to cas. i am not saying "cas should feel bad" or "cas not feeling 'bad enough' indicates he himself is bad." i am saying, if i were cas, there are things i would regret as much or more than the novaks. and while i think some of these are things cas regrets in canon, others are not. i am also totally okay with the "bad writing" excuse to explain why the novaks are stated to be a bigger regret than any of these things, given it's somewhat of a throwaway line in a buckleming episode.

anyway, in no particular order:

breaking sam's wall. 100%. here is an excellent recent post from @scoobydoodean regarding how that decision was cruel, and intentionally so. you could say that cas "redeemed himself" by taking on sam's hell trauma, but 1) that's not the same as regret and 2) that doesn't undo the suffering sam (and dean and bobby to a lesser extent) endured as a result of cas' decision.

the leviathans getting out. that's a lot of carnage and i don't think it's unfair to say this is cas' fault. unintended, for sure, but a consequence of his actions. (i don't blame cas for bobby's death either but i get what you're saying)

everything you said about refusing to deal with the consequences of his actions. YES. i don't have additional examples atm but i think there are others.

the fact that by season 13 there are only a dozen or so angels left. that's not 100% on cas. heaven lost angels in seasons 4 and 5, and angels fought for and against cas in the war against raphael in season 6. but he also killed angels for not bending the knee to him. he killed angels like balthazar for questioning him. angels were lost rescuing him from purgatory. angels were lost in the fall, which was sealed with his grace (though not his intent). and more angels fought for him in season 9. he does have some angel blood on his hands (though certainly not all of it!).

i'm still mad about him torturing aaron birch.

also maybe not something he should regret, but i think it would be nice if he apologized to dean for abandoning and running from him in purgatory. i'm also iffy on whether to include lucifer - cas does bear a lot of responsibility for everything that happens with lucifer after cas says yes to him, but i also know that cas suffers greatly because of that decision. i am not suggesting cas needs to "do penance" but i think cas thinks he does, and being possessed by lucifer would feel like penance enough for letting him out.

#thanks for this anon this was fun :) take good care! (/genuine)#spn #spn rewatch

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teruthecreator · 2 years ago

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(tw for racism, pedophilia, transphobia, child impregnation mention)

yeah idk why y'all read this

i was originally going to just post this and have some tags with my reasonings, but i realized that opens me up to too much bullshit from people who may think i'm being unnecessarily mean or whatever. so i'm going to explain exactly why the screenshots above are something i hold issue with.

firstly, and i just want to get this out of the way, this post is not intended to be a hit piece against the creator. i've seen how she reacts to any mild-mannered or slightly joking criticism, so i know this post is probably going to not land well. but it isn't my intention to make her mad or anything--she's writing a piece of content for the internet, which means she is just as open to criticism as any other poster. and what i intend to go into in this post is criticism. i'm allowed to do this, as that is the nature of the internet. people are allowed to critique whatever they please, and if you don't want critique then you shouldn't post. simple as!

i am also making no attempts to posit myself as better than the creator. i'm not doing this for clout or moral superiority or any of that dumb shit. i simply want to discuss something that's been bothering me for a bit, while simultaneously warning people who haven't read this yet (who may be sensitive to the issues above) to steer clear. if things like casual racism or transphobia aren't properly tagged, then readers who are affected by such things run a risk reading this! same goes with people who are triggered by lewd content involving minors. i wanna make sure people are getting a more critical scope of this work than what has been hoisted up by others.

okay, now that i've gotten that out of the way, i'm going to get into my points.

firstly, the subtle and not-so-subtle racism throughout this fic, especially in relation to serizawa. i'm white, so there is only so much i can speak on without trampling over the words of other fans of color, but some of this feels so blatant it's odd it hasn't been noted earlier. it's important to note before i go into it that serizawa is specifically written as half-black half-japanese for this fic, in case the screenshots don't make it abundantly clear. but there are just too many moments of casual racism in this fic. i'm not talking about the plot point of serizawa being bullied as a kid for being mixed; i'm not mixed, so i can't speak on the accuracy there but it is well-known that black people face a lot of racism in japan. i'm talking about how it seems everyone else has these racist moments that aren't acknowledged by serizawa or the narration as being bad.

reigen hypothesizing over serizawa's exact ethnic background is just strange. yes he's a fairly observant guy (he has to be, with his job), but there is no canonical evidence to suggest he would immediately jump to theorizing whether serizawa is american or not. and the way it's posed in that first quote--"he has darker skin and the kind of hair texture that would likely indicate African ancestry"--is not great. that's an extremely inappropriate way to bring up someone's race. i don't think most people would stare at someone and be like "hmmm well your nose shape and hair texture would suggest you're of this race". it's racial essentialization that is only slightly covered up by the excuse of "oh he tweets in english". there are some other smaller moments of questionable wording, like calling serizawa's afro "sloppy" when it isnt (which btw there's another issue with the creator only referring to an afro as a "fro". it's a hairstyle; you're allowed to use the actual name of it). even if reigen cuts his hair in canon, he never states it's because serizawa's afro looks sloppy. (also there's something to be said about the casual racism baked into making your employee cut his natural hairstyle for a job, as that is a very real issue many black people face when wearing their natural hair or even protective styles in the workplace.)

i'm especially bothered by toichiro's very casual racist remarks. toichiro in this fic is a general bother of mine (most of which can be boiled down to "he would not fucking say that"), but the way she chooses to characterize him in relation to serizawa feels gross. calling a black man a slave should be a very obvious red flag, but also saying serizawa (again, as a black man) has a "brutal masculine appeal" is also extremely stereotypical and racist. and really there is just no need for it; toichiro's actions in canon prove how shitty of a guy he is without the need for him to be racist (along with other things i'll get to in a bit). as my girlfriend put it: he doesn't need to be a member of the fucking kkk to show he's a bad guy.

there's also, again, the very casual racist remark of calling serizawa a "dog". i don't care if that isn't the intent; when you are writing a character of color you need to be aware of your wording, even in insults (unless she intended to make tsuchiya racist, which i don't think she did).

secondly, the eugenics/child pregnancy bit. it is surreal to even have to write this, but i seriously do not understand the purpose of either of these bits in the story. they are so minor yet so jarring you can't help but wonder why they're there. once again, i do not think you need to have toichiro doing esper eugenics just to prove he is an evil guy. he has nuance, and by making him casually reference child pregnancy (like that isn't an INSANE thing to say) reduces that nuance to nothing. that's the only reason i could see why that bit was included: to make toichiro look worse. but, even still, the author is running the risk of potentially triggering victims of csa or people who don't want to see that by not properly tagging the mention of it (or, at the very least, warning readers in the intro notes). the only other explanation for it would maybe be shock factor??? but that's a pretty shitty thing to use for shock factor, if i'm honest. also the fact that the esper eugenics was referenced again in a more recent chapter just has me very disturbed and confused. there isn't a canonical explanation for why we see less espers who are women than espers who are men, but that doesn't mean we need to jump to fucking Eugenics. it's weird!

thirdly (and this is probably one of my biggest problems and the main reason i wanted to make this post), the weirdly lewd/sexual language shou uses constantly, along with referring to reigen as a pedo or a creep at several points. frankly, i think it's pretty fucking gross for someone in their near-40's to be writing a 12-year-old talking so casually about sex like that's normal. which, i'm sorry, but it's not. yes, teens know about sex and like to joke about lewd shit. but a 12-year-old is not about to make references to a grown man's virginity. 12-year-olds draw dicks on their desk bc they think it's funny. 12-year-olds say the word "buttfuck" because it has the words "butt" and "fuck" in it, and those are the two funniest words on earth to a kid that age. i literally do not understand the purpose of having shou be so lewd all the time. for one, it doesn't make sense for his character. shou is shown time and time again to be extremely mature for his age, but that maturity extends to shit like assembling a counter-terrorism unit and extending a hand to his father to allow him to try again. and even then he's still just as naive as any other kid his age! the omake where he's telling his guys to go to the "far right corner" based on ritsu’s advice proves that he still has plenty of blindspots that are indicative of his age. leaning into this raunchy, lewd version of shou is just weird. and, again, i think it is made a bit weirder given the author's age!!! not ageshaming or whatever--i'm 23 and i write fanfic, clearly i cannot judge there--but it is just extremely inappropriate in my opinion. also having shou be more versed in sextalk than serizawa is odd too and speaks to a larger issue of serizawa's infantilzation throughout this fic, but that's something i can get into in another post if people want an explanation.

also, the way she constantly calls reigen a creep and even has him being accused of being a pedophile during the twitter cancellation is extremely inappropriate when, again, there is NO CANONICAL BASIS FOR THIS! everyone just calls him a fraud and a scammer during separation arc; there is never a reference to reigen being seen as a pedophile in that arc. and, yes, while there are versions of mob psycho where reigen is very clearly written as a creep (looking very specifically at the netflix adaptation), that doesn't mean it's good. honestly, the creep mentions all just feel like really poor jokes that do not land in the slightest.

finally, the transphobia (aka WHY IS SHIMAZAKI A CHASER). i literally do not know what else to say other than: why? why is this a thing? why is he a chaser? what is the purpose of this? is it a joke? i feel like it's supposed to be, but seeing as the author is cis i don't think that's a joke she should really be making. it not only comes out of left field, but it's just kind of a weird thing to ascribe to a character for no reason. not to mention, it's uncomfortable! trans women deal with enough creepy antics from cis men in real life--why must they be accosted by this guy too? it's just weird and uncomfortable.

i wanna round out this post by saying, once again, that i'm not trying to attack anyone with this post. but i do hope people come away from this with a new perspective on this work, and maybe think twice before recommending it uncritically to someone. to the author specifically, i hope you can read my post without rage or indignance blinding you. i might be a little blunt or rude in parts, but it's only because i'm passionate and i don't mince my words when it comes to things i'm passionate about. to the readers, understand i am not judging you for reading this fic without noticing these things. your own life experiences will give you certain blindspots and there's nothing wrong with that. i have plenty of blindspots of my own! it's what makes us human.

there is more i could say, but this post is long enough. i ask that if you come to me in my inbox or in dms about this that you treat me with respect, as i will do that for you. writing something like this took a lot out of me, as i'm usually not so open about my opinion on shit like this.

have a good day :-)

#mp100 #side quest #yeah this is all from <- that fic btw #ive been sitting on this for about a week or so bc ive been nervous abt posting something like this #i dont want people to think im making a callout post just to call shit out #im doing this bc i dont want people to get triggered by this content and because i want fans to be more critical of the content they consum #media literacy is something A LOT of fandoms struggle with and it leads to things being praised uncritically #i simply want people to have perspective when going into a thing #anyways uh. goodbye <3 #edit: took the tw tags off bc tumblr was suppressing the post bc of it #so PLEASE heed the warning at the top if u have specific triggers and things

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eowynstwin · 1 year ago

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More explicitly—what simonrileyss or whatever her name was (I cannot bring myself to care) did to Bo was not in any way helpful, nor was it likely intended to be.

It would be one thing if she made that callout post untagged to let her circle know the deal—to indicate to people she knows that Bo’s work might have disturbed them—but she didn’t. As I understand it, she tagged it (and following posts about the situation) with popular fandom tags for maximum visibility. That wasn’t spreading awareness to people at risk, that was a hit piece.

Let me be clear on this: do not stir up controversy with intent to separate someone from their community. No matter what further claims that girl makes about her intent, making those accusations public very well have put Bo—and her friends—at VERY REAL risk, of harassment and doxxing just to name two real and already threatened consequences off the top of my head.

If someone makes you uncomfortable, but you cannot prove that they’ve done anything beyond that, block, blacklist, indicate to your social circle that you’d rather not see mention of that person, and move on. Do not make your personal discomfort someone else’s cross to bear.

#and that’s the last thing I have to say about that PROMISE #I’m not involved in any of this but since idk what genres of people follow me I thought it might be good to make my stance VERY clear

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aroacesafeplaceforall · 10 months ago

Note

I’m sorry to see that you took my earlier ask the wrong way! I didn’t quote you in that, but I’ll quote you now so we can both be on the same page as to what I was responding to.

You said “the term actually asexual started as an aphobic or ace spec exclusionary tag/label.” Then you went on to explain the gatekeeping sub-community that used the term a couple years ago.

I’m not disputing that that happened, I am saying that that is not where the term “started”. It started in 2012, inspired by the actuallyautistic tag, as a method to avoid spam in the main tag. At that point it had no exclusionary connotation. Using actually- tags was a trend on tumblr in the early-mid 2010s so that members of marginalized communities could make sure their voices were heard. This use went out of fashion after that era of spam dried up, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know about it, and that you would overestimate your knowledge of history and make such a confident but incorrect statement as you did about the term’s true origin.

I know that emotionally it can be really difficult to deal with a message online correcting a statement you’ve made. It can feel like I’m telling you you’re wrong and you should feel bad for it, so I want to make it clear that this is not anon hate, just somebody who cares about aspec community memory. Nobody is right all the time! I’ve been confidently incorrect plenty of times in my life so I understand how the embarrassment can feel like a slap in the face. That’s ok, and those feelings aren’t always an indication that you’re being put down or judged. It’s necessary that we as people can hold discussions where we’re trying to figure out what’s correct collaboratively and not argumentatively, and that means recognizing when the people you’re speaking with are well-intentioned and responding in kind.

Anyway, yeah, I remember being younger and I remember how mortified I would have felt to read the message I sent, so no judgement at all. The good thing is that as life goes on you get more experience, more desensitization to those extreme feelings, more contextual knowledge to recognize that it’s ok, etc etc.

I’m not asking you to respond to this ask in any way, I just want to make it clear that I wasn’t trying to put you down at all. Have a good night!

lmao bestie, reading this was a wild ride and I wish i kept your past post as you back tracked twice.

Yeah i think this was mostly a misunderstanding on both sides and we were both wrong, however I will say in your OG ask you stated the tag started in 2022. But the reason you gave was the same.

I don't know how active you were on the "actually asexual" tag back in the day, but people were still not being the greatest over the split attraction model. It wasn't suddenly a safe haven for all asexuals (just like the current ace tags).

"Using actually- tags was a trend on tumblr in the early-mid 2010s so that members of marginalized communities could make sure their voices were heard. This use went out of fashion after that era of spam dried up, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know about it, and that you would overestimate your knowledge of history and make such a confident but incorrect statement as you did about the term’s true origin."

Yeah I know actually. I've been here since around 2016/17 and I do deep dives into tumblr and older posts a lot in my free time. I'm not new here actually and to give a rough est. of my age, I was never under the age of 13 on the site. "actually-" tags are still quite popular, actually asexual being the most known in my circle for obvious reasons. "I know that emotionally it can be really difficult to deal with a message online correcting a statement you’ve made. It can feel like I’m telling you you’re wrong and you should feel bad for it, so I want to make it clear that this is not anon hate, just somebody who cares about aspec community memory. Nobody is right all the time!"

You are right here, and I agree. But the way you originally phrased your "correction" was not only incorrect, but spiteful and hateful. It might not of read so to you but saying shit like "clearly you don't care about" and "you're to young to understand" isn't constructive criticism, its in-fact quite annoying and patronising. Statements like that are meant to enrage people, which is why I did not respond to you OG asks as I don't want to spiral a small matter. I would also like to say you final statements, while correct, are also quite sarcastically sweet to almost (very) patronising. Please do not talk to me like you would a small child.

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socialjust-ish · 6 months ago

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I reblogged this post, and @butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway responded. I think it's an interesting topic worth discussing, but butts has asked that we not fill up the OP's notes with giant discourse posts. I agree.

Here is a link to butt's response. Below the "read more" is my reply, because it is long and I am not going to ruin your dashboards.

Under what other fundraising circumstances have you asked people to perform their vetting in public for your approval (as opposed to the more traditionally accepted practice in community organizing of providing outlines that describe some but not all of your vetting procedures outside of the context of any specific call for funds)?

I generally work off the assumption that a fundraising post on Tumblr is a scam. Tumblr's search feature is not the best and I am even worse at tagging posts, so I don't have an easy way to search my blog.

But, on July 9th, I reblogged this post, about someone asking for help with a gofundme. I was, full dislcosure, in a sentimental mood and real sad. And the story got to me. So I reblogged it uncritically.

But here are the tags I made:

Maybe not the clearest indicator of "buyer beware" but the intent was for me to say "I believe these people, but you should do your own homework and be warned my belief is because I'm a sucker for a mom post."

Even with that context though, and with fully believing the post, I thought the responsible thing to do was warn anyone who saw the post that my reblog was unverified.

Because what you’re describing as “vetting” is, in fact, what I learned in my organizing work as “modeling vetting procedure for educational reasons” and includes getting the explicit consent of all involved to perform (in part due to the violative and invasive nature of most vetting techniques and approaches) the process in full via case study. This, notably, is not something that can ethically be done for anonymized public consumption, because literally no one would consent to their entire case study being made publicly available forever on the internet, and therefore cannot be ethically performed. Which is WHY the other, traditionally accepted, practice exists. To offer broad spectrum reassurances to an anonymized audience about the fact that vetting of fund calls is being performed, without unethically dumping a person’s entire life online during one of the most traumatic moments of their life.

So, first off, my wording may have been a bit poor, here.

I wrote that vetting is:

"Vetting is reviewing their information and disclosing what was reviewed and how it was validated."

What I should have said, for precision, was

"Vetting is when someone reviews the post's information. That person then discloses what type of material was reviewed (e.g., they spoke to them in person, they met over video chat, they have only spoken by text) but not necessarily the specific details of said material, and how it was validated (e.g., I met in person, I demonstrated it was a live feed, they had one witness with them, the photo includes a newspaper of today's date)."

So that's totally my bad. I shouldn't post on my phone.

My example of vetting was just that, an example. I wasn't suggesting that needed to be done for every case. I also probably shouldn't have added the last line about "here is the video for you to see."

But it's important to remember the context of these fundraisers: These people are already sharing their names, family members health conditions, and photographs of themselves online. It is not any more onerous or invasive for them to post a ~5 second video saying "Hey, it's me." These are non anonymized sources.

They're also, again, asking for five-figure sums of money. Some level of skepticism should be allowed and encouraged.

So I will ask again, being extremely clear about what I am asking and why.

First off, this is a snakry comment on my part, but this is not a clear question. It is 173 words long (113 if you end it at the first question mark), contains a few parenthetical tangents, and so many double negatives that I genuinely got a little bit lost. So, I'm going to break it down and answer as much of it as I can, but if you think me breaking it up loses context, feel free to advise.

In what other circumstances have you demanded the unethical revelation of private (and in mamy cases protected) information in order for you to personally verify the vetting process done by the person performing it,

Couple of points here.

As set out above, I believe my clarified definition of what "vetting" constitutes does not require the revelation of private information. It requires an authority figure stating "I have vetted this post, here's how."

If someone is posting a Gofundme online, and it is being "vetted" by a random blogger, the academic standards of ethics and protected information don't apply. You don't get to play the game of "This example of 'vetting' only works in an academic setting as an example" and simultaneously expect regulations and ethical standards used in the context of academia to apply. There is no "protected information" in the context of these fundraisers. These are anonymous people publicly asking for money from strangers. People considering providing funds can ask whatever questions they want to satisfy their respective level of skepticism.

I haven't ever demanded this information - even in my post above (because I gave an example of one method that vetting could include that disclosure =/= that's the only way to vet something) - because I don't typically donate to gofundme pages. But generally speaking, I demand this information for anything I do donate to. I once got scolded by a fundraising person on the street because I asked what portion of my donation would go directly to the charity, and what portion was a commission their contracting company received.

vs accepting their public conversations about tactic and technique (whatever else may be debateable about 90-ghost, it is NOT debateable that he has openly and publicly discussed his vetting process, even if he declines to publicize specific case studies, per ethical aid guidelines) as confirmation of process that you are within your rights to trust or not trust, but NOT within your rights to claim aren’t actually being done just because they are not being done for public consumption?

I did start my post by writing:

The entirety of the rest of them are just reblogs from 90-ghost. Of those reblogs, I think only two have 90-ghost saying anything, and all they say is "this is legit".

I'm not suggesting 90-ghost needs to publicly disclose the information of each family they supposedly vet. I was suggesting they need to do something other than tacitly reblog it.

I don't know who 90-ghost is. If you go to their page, their pinned post is a request for help for their personal fundraiser.

Their sidebar has two links, one to their twitter, one to their instagram. His Instagram post has two photos on it, one from 11 weeks ago, and one from 2014. His twitter appears to be more personal - sharing and reposting news about the war. A lot of it is not in English, and I'm a loser monoglot, so I don't know what is or isn't being said there.

But to the point: You cannot figure out how 90-ghost vets their posts easily. Despite your claim that it's "not debatable he has openly and publicly discussed his vetting process." It's actually pretty difficult to find. In fact, I can't actually find any posts of his explaining it. It might be easy if you follow him or are actively engaged with this community, but I'm not commenting on this because I follow him, or even OP. I'm commenting because I saw it on my dash.

Here's what I was trying to suggest was needed instead of these blank reblogs.

"Hi, I am 90-ghost. I have vetted this fundraiser. To learn what my vetting process constitutes, see this post [link to a post.]"

The silent reblog and the assumption it's vetted is what I take issue with, here.

If thus is NOT an ask you have made in other circumstances, can you explain to me what *specifically* about this set of circumstances means that the traditionally accepted public-facing vetting procedure discussion is inadequate,

Because charity scams, specifically charity scams related to Gaza, have exploded since October 7th. This is true of every natural disaster, according to Forbes.

and how this has NOT been present in other times when you have interacted with or spoken on the process and procedure of redistributing funds?

Two points here.

I don't typically interact or speak with the process of redistributing funds. I interact with what comes up on my blog. And so I click a link, and see that it's suspicious, and then look into it.

It wasn't until I started seeing posts about the Gaza fundraisers that I became aware of this issue with scam fundraisers. Don't worry, next time a hurricane hits, I'll be just as skeptical about those posts.

Additionally, and this is anecdotal, but you're asking what's different here, so this is the answer.

I reblogged this post on August 2nd. Within one hour of posting it, I had four asks in my inbox from "gazan Gofundmes". Prior to that ask, I had received a grand total of 0 gofundme posts in my inbox. That means one of two things:

Multiple people are watching every single reblog of their posts like a hawk, and critical or not, if a reblog was made, they then go and manually send an ask.

It's a bot network sending asks based on reblogs, like every other bot network on this site.

I deletedthose asks and so they're gone from my inbox, and I can't compare them to the verified list, but I reblogged one post and got four asks for others almost instantly. I assume it's pretty similar for everyone else who reblogs these fundraisers.

Even if they were legitimate, using a botnet to garner attention is... scam-like behaviour, if nothing else.

You have given zero evidence that any of these fundraisers are raising flags of illigitmacy, and are so far merely offering the possibility of illegitimacy and the protection of recipient private info fully in keeping with standard aid procedure ethical guidelines as enough to assume fraudulance.

Again, I'm criticizing the "vetting" done here, and people's apparent willingness to just trust a reblog as an endorsement of vetting. It is exceptionally easy to make hyperlinks on Tumblr. It is easy for 90-ghost or the spreadsheet to simply add a hyperlink saying "Vetting process is here."

The spreadsheet just says "this was researched by us."

What does that mean?

I understand that in the world of mutual-aid communities, you might have shorthand. But you need to understand that if you are trying to send a message to people who don't live in that world (like me) you need to provide some basic definitions and explanations of process.

All I've said (or at least, all I meant to say) in my post is "these "vetting posts" do not clearly explain how the post was vetted. That needs to be done, and people should think critically about why it isn't being done."

If you can, with a straight face, say "hey, silently reblogging a post and having to dig through that person's blog for pages and pages to find the post discussing how they vet things is a good system" then you and I live in different worlds.

That is….a wild speculation on your part that, by your demands, you are ill-equipped to actually validate or support on your own, which tells me you have (heaven forbid) decided to TRUST people in your sphere who tell you that you have cause to doubt these fundraisers,

I clicked a post uncritically reblogging a fundraiser, and went "Oh, these are vetted." I then followed the link to the supposed vetting, that they include, to find that it is a silent reblog from one person.

This was me, following the links on the post, to see how they vetted the post. And I was lead to that every time.

The post said "vetted here." The link it takes me to is not a vetting. It's a silent reblog. Even if we accept your standards for vetting (which I don't think are actually that far off what I consider vetting, I just worded it poorly) these posts don't do that. As I said in my first reblog - literally only two say ANYTHING, and it just says "this is legit."

That's barely any information at all. These people are asking for upwards of $50,000. If 90-ghost is trying to advocate for them, the least he can do is put in the 30 seconds of work to make the posts not look like scams. It's bad advocacy, if nothing else.

even though you yourself visibly lack the understanding of how that doubt should or even WOULD in aid work be put to rest.

Just to be clear, I fully accept the premise that if someone trusts 90-ghost, and 90 ghost says "I have vetted this post." then that's enough to justify donating.

What I'm saying is that a wordless reblog or "it's legit" is not proof of any of that happening. And if people from inside the community think that's convincing to the outside community, they are either naive, intentionally hoping people don't click the links to check, or some third reason.

If 90 ghost had a link at the top of the blog saying "Hey! Here is how I vet a post. If I reblog a post, it is a direct endorsement of this vetting procedure." I would be satisfied.

It's that they're operating on, apparently, an unorganized chain of faith that makes the "vetted HERE" links completely misleading. To figure out how 90-ghost vets posts, you have to dig through hundreds of their posts. To consider a quick hyperlink to a wordless reblog a valid source of vetting is unreasonable, in my view.

So my follow up question, once you’ve answered the earlier ones, is how are the conspiratorial accusations you are leveling here any different from the blind trust you are accusing others of having in things they don’t understand enough themselves?

I'm not entirely sure what the "conspiratorial accusations" here are, but I'm assuming it's my two bullet points re: What 90-ghost could be doing - this part:

There's no reason to trust 90-ghost just because they reblogged the post. How do you know 90-ghost isn't

A) In on the scam;

B) So (rightly) upset that this is happening that they don't care if some of these are scams on the off chance that even 1 is legit, and so are using their goodwill to "vet" posts.

If 90-ghost is doing a thorough vetting, that should be shared

If this is wrong and you're referring to something else, let me know

Again, this may come to me being imprecise in my language, so I apologize.

How I perhaps should have phrased this, is:

"A reblog alone is not enough to confirm a post is vetted. How do I know, from a silent reblog alone, that this post was vetted? If 90-ghost is vetting the posts, he should be sharing that by stating he has done so, and providing information on how he vets posts (again, not the specifics of the vetting for each individual, just a "here are the steps I take" post that is immediately visible and linked in any post he claims to have "vetted").

I don't think that's conspiratorial or unreasonable. I do think that, without that, it is reasonable to make those two assumptions. I don't know 90-ghost, because I don't follow this world closely. These posts are meant to be a "signal boost", so they're meant to go outside the usual circle of followers, right? So you have to assume those people won't know who 90-ghost or anyone else is. So if you want them to trust the process, that process should be explained clearly, consistently, and on each post or fundraiser. An empty reblog does not do this. And the fact that an empty reblog is used as the "vetting" post for every single post except two shows a pattern which is unusual and justifies skepticism.

How is your decision to trust the people undermining the credibility of online fundraisers without understanding enough about EITHER side’s points to convey them yourself with any actual evidentiary support (have you perhaps never actually SEEN the evidentiary support your trusted people claim is responsible for their perspective?) in any way different from the choice of people (knowing the risks) to donate to fundraisers that are being circulated by the Palestinian community and their allies?

Again, you are jumping to assumptions about what made me reblog this, or who I'm trusting. I saw the post, from someone I follow and respect, and saw that it had a bunch of links saying "vetted here." I followed the links, and there was no vetting, and no confirmation of vetting. That frustrated me, because when I read "vetted here" and "please give me money" I expect to be able to... verify the vetting before I consider giving money.

Perhaps they have reasons you have not seen (looked for?) to trust and make their own judgements.

Sure, but words have meaning. And a link that says "vetted here" implies that if you follow that link, you will be given information confirming a post is vetted. To come to the conclusion that "90-ghost reblogging a post = vetted" requires significant time and investment into the mutual aid community that is absolutely not apparent from the link. And so when all you link to are wordless reblogs that, justifiably, raises questions about how skeptical people should or shouldn't be.

Perhaps your condescension goes beyond questioning the capability of Palestinians to know how to organize aid calls and ensure effective distribution, and even extends into believing your fellow non-Palestinians are just too easily duped? Would be just as skeptical of you if they realized how much trust they were putting in another person?

Again, you are making a lot of assumptions from what I think is a pretty simple ask: Provide a clear and easily accessible link to how the vetting process occurs, and specific confirmation that a post was, in fact vetted. A silent reblog does neither of these.

Weird how YOU haven’t seemed to question your trust in the people who started this uptick in shaming of donation posts even though you clearly reference seeing posts that call that trust’s validity into question.

I saw one post, it's been linked above.

I don't actually think I reference any posts that call that trust's validity into question, here. The only thing I do reference is people "blindly" reblogging."

But that was based on the personal observation of someone I follow blindly reblogging the post.

Maybe the problem isn’t that people don’t know they’re choosing to trust someone, but that they have intentionally chosen to trust someone that you have chosen not to, and you cannot tolerate that someone might do that while thinking it was the right choice, because what does that say about YOUR choice if they think that?

Nope! Trust is fine and good.

I take issue with the misrepresentation that the links that say "vetted here" do not, in fact, vet the post.

That's my issue.

I understand donating to any individual fundraiser requires a network of trust, and don't particularly care what degree of trust anyone chooses to use or not use.

But uncritically reblogging a post with a dozen "vetted here" links, of which none actually provide any information on the vetting, is bad and silly.

I suppose saying it's suspicious is probably unfair. I try to follow the "never assume malice when stupidity would suffice" rule. But like... it's either malicious or stupid to think that's an adequate "vetting" - ESPECIALLY when trying to convince outsiders to the community to donate.

Again, imagine you are me: Someone not involved in this community. You have sympathy for Palestinians wanting to flee the country. A post comes across your dash which says "these fundraisers have been verified." You click the "vetted here" button. You are taken to a silent reblog of a post. You go, "okay, maybe this 90-ghost person is some sort of authority." You click to get to their home page. It has no links discussing how, why, or what criteria they use to vet posts. It also doesn't make it clear if a reblog is a "vetting" or just an endorsement. There are two posts in the list where 90-ghost says "this is legit." Why didn't he say that on the other ones? Are the other ones not legit? Has he only vetted the ones he explicitly says "These are legit"? If so, why do only two of these meet the criteria? What does 90-ghost do to vet these posts?

Do you see why that's an issue?

Or maybe you really do just think your fellow non-palestinians are too stupid to know that vetting processes are literally always about deciding who it is worth it to you to trust and making the most of a situation that can literally never be made asshole-proof?

Again, I understand this about vetting processes. My gripe is that a wordless reblog provides ZERO information to suggest anything has been done.

Feel free to just say that next time. It’ll be faster, and you’ll irritate fewer people in the process.

I think I've said it a few times, but just for total clarity:

If someone says they are vetting a fundraiser, they should set out:

Their methodology for doing so (again, not revealing the actual information they received, just what type of information they do receive);

A quick statement that confirms that specific post has been vetted so you can tell which posts are vetted, and which are sympathetic; and

Make access to the vetting process easily discoverable (e.g., a pinned post, a link in the reblog, etc.)

Failure to do these warrants skepticism, especially when the call for aid is meant to be broadcast outside of the community that already knows this information.

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