#if there’s mistakes it’s cause im at work
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Can I get more Ponyboy and Darry getting along hc’s
no actually u cant, i killed pony off screen and darrys never seeing him again
•darry doesnt smoke, but sometimes he just has it in his mouth and accidentally chews on it jusssttttt a tad bit. bc he didnt smoke it he gives it to pony and ponys staring at the teethmarks, will he drop it???? NO hes a smoke addict he smokes it like a MAN
•darry once took pony w him on one of his water skiing trips, let me tell u first AND LAST times pony went, pony didnt wanna ski but darry was telling him its alright, 10 minutes late pony face palmed into the water and his wholleeeee front part of the body was red he hit that water HARD. didnt help darry and his friends were laughing a lil
•adult pony toootttalllyyy has a pic of darry in his wallet, its the other half to the pic darry has of pony in his wallet!!! soda thinks its so cute and loves stealing their wallets to connect them, but darry and pony r embarrassed
•bc darry spent most of his adult hood acting like a parent more than anything, when ponys FINALLY an adult thatssss when darry rlly starts acting like a brother, hes basically catching up on all the stupid things siblings r “supposed to do when theyre younger” aka telling ponys hes adopted
•and yknow what??? ponys gotta appreciate the time darrys wait to do that stupid prank, he even used the ”i didnt wanna tell u that when u were youger after all u went through so im telling u this now��� line
•yknow darrys not that bad of an artist, hes not picasso now, aint gettin no awards any time soon, but ponys seen his work and likes it, so to darry, thats enough for him. thank god pony hasnt seen the drawings hes done of him though, landscapes r darrys thing, faces???? notttt so much
•darry still has his football uniform and he hasnt washed the short bit in theeee longest time bc he let pony write on it w sharpie and he doesnt want that washed out, everyone has written in that jersey but he always pays attention to what pony wrote cause thats one of the last times darrys rlly talked to pony as a brother and not a parent
•same thing w pony and his track uniform, what darry wrote is faded bc pony has a habit if just pouring water on himself after his meets/competitions and its hard to read bc of the color of it, but pony knows its there and that motivated him
•i have such a specific memory of being hit DIRECTLY in the ear w a football and im giving that memory to pony, it was a DIRECT hit too, literal bullseye. darry hot pony on accident and while he was taking care of pony, they were both thinking “my god what a good arm”
•the gang learning gymnastics was a mistake, like a genuine mistake, it started off as darry wanting to teach pony how to do a simple handstand but soda and steve walked in, and demanded to learn too, then it snowballed. earlier though pony busted his lip trying out the handstand and he will foreverrrrr blame darry, darry said he was holding his feet only for him to let go and ponys arm placement to not b so good
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FAR FROM A CREATURE WITHOUT THE WARMTH OF LOVE, YET SHE WAS BORN WITH LONELINESS CARVED INTO HER CHEST. an ache that calls from within; homesick for a place, a person, a wholeness to call her own. all to imagine it as some empty space, a hollow for another to burrow within. made as just a sliver of moon or missing the glow like an unfinished star. ❛ yes, though it feels wrong for me to say. ❜ guilt did not change the slow agony crept about by way of hovering shadows. ordinary child of legendary parentage had learned to make peace with that she could not attain. in the din of all that gold, she was fixed to crowded rooms and empty meaning. hallowed charm wasted upon faces of political intrigue or those that could not see beyond her lineage. ❛ just an ache that sits atop my heart like an open wound that won’t sew itself shut. is that how it�� feels for you ? ❜ wistful husk through parted lips.
until it is, celebrían turns under the veil of night sky and canopy of golden leaves beneath a favoured lindon tree. SHE TRADES ONE ACHE FOR ANOTHER. longing held within, filled to levels that might devour the soul of any mortal fëa. yet, under his light every notion of loneliness begins to cower. to one as beautiful as he who has lost so much and still remained so kind. how she wishes to gently pull the tendrils of grief from his heart and carry it for him.
❛ elrond? ❜ she holds his name in bashful query under her tongue, uttered as though it were the only word to ever matter in any language. then comes the slip of a trembling hand, fray of nerves overrun by her need to feel him. she tangles her fingers with his, squeezing ever so softly — smile lifted this way only when he was near. a staggered little breath catches in her throat, gilded gaze finds his. a look of reverence both in tenderness and torment, one that could be sung as ballad. ❛ i never feel that way when i’m with you. ❜ the pause extends for hardly a second but eternity runs dry in her throat. ❛ i feel whole. ❜
❛ do you ever feel like there's something missing ... like a piece of your heart is somewhere else? ❜ @elr0nds
#IV. ☽。⋆. the song of the star enchants my heart 「 ɪɴʙᴏx 」#ASK ME IF IM FINE#IM NOT#if there’s mistakes it’s cause im at work#don’t look at me
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Found a forgotten drawing of my masc!Sae, but then i thought the outfit would look cool on our Sae 🖤
#persona 5#persona 5 royal#sae niijima#ca3 art#niijima sae#im bisexual af rn#also hiii ive forgotten to post art on tumblr for a bit sorry!!#been having a ton of computer issues and doing comm work that ive been mentally distracted#updated versions cause i realized theres some tiny mistakes on the Twitter version fml#genderbend#<---- for those who want to potentially blacklist#i dont usually call these genderbends tbh#yeehaw btw 🤠
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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against all odds (to wait for you is all i can do) – part two
alexia putellas x photojournalist!reader
warnings: implied sexual content
(a/n in the tags) [parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve]
word count: 2.5k
You weren’t sure what woke you at first but when you opened your eyes, you found the brilliant, early morning light that streamed through a crack in the curtains. Groaning, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, not missing the unmistakable rustling of clothes somewhere at the foot of the bed.
Peeking over the sheets to the source of the sound, you found Ale working to put her pants back on, her bare back to you. You propped yourself against the headboard as you watched on, biting your lip at how Ale’s tattoos deliciously shifted over her rippling muscles. She picked something up from the floor before she turned towards the bed and you caught sight of the darkening marks on her neck and chest. When she saw you looking at her, she smiled, a little bashful, which you returned in kind.
“What time is it?” You cringed at how you croaked out the words.
“Early. You should go back to sleep.” Ale said, putting her bra on as she kept your gaze.
You hummed. “I could say the same for you.”
Ignoring what she said you sat up on the bed, allowing the sheets to slide down and settle by your waist as you stretched. Ale’s eyes wandered to your chest which, you supposed, bore the same marks you could see on hers, and you relished the attention. Once she found your eyes again, you sent her a knowing smirk before you left the bed, headed to the closet where you grabbed the nearest fresh shirt you had, and tossed it to Ale.
Without even looking at the shirt, she caught it with ease. You raised your brow, both in question and in wonder. In response, Ale just smiled innocently at you. Ale pulled the shirt over her head, hiding the marks from view, then she moved towards you, her eyes dark and shining with intent.
Your body remembered last night’s endeavours before you did: every nerve in your skin lit up in anticipation for Ale’s touch, a fuse waiting for a spark. She laced an arm around your waist and pulled you flush to her front with a strength that left you breathless, her clothed body firm against your bare flesh. Without your heels she almost towered over you that you had to stand on your toes to wrap your arms around her neck. You closed your eyes when you felt the words she spoke against your temple.
“As much as I’d love to stay, I have to go.”
You sighed, unable to hide your disappointment. But what did you expect? You knew what you were getting into last night–you knew this was meant to only be a one-time thing. Besides, you were never one for relationships anyway; all your dalliances were brief and fleeting, ending before they ever got serious. Still, something about Ale pulled you to her, a force that compelled a desire to get to know her. The logical part of you already accepted the fact that you’d probably never see her again after this, but a small part of you wanted to rebel and resist that fate.
Unsurprisingly, logic won out.
“I shouldn’t keep you, then,” you whispered against her collarbone. Ale shivered and that made you smile: it’s good to know you weren’t the only one still feeling the effects from the previous night.
“You’re not making this easy,” she whined and you laughed.
“Alright, alright. I guess it’s time for me to let you go.”
There was a moment of silence but not an uncomfortable one. You looked at her, soaked in how her features caught the morning light, how her fair hazel eyes almost appeared like twin golden suns. You were tempted to kiss her lips then but you settled for a chaste one on her cheek instead. “Keep the shirt, to remember me by and… a thank you for last night. It was wonderful.”
“I had a good time, too,” she hummed, a small smile on her lips.
You returned her smile, and then you gently pushed her away as you took a step back. “Go, Ale.”
Ale stood there for a moment more, took one last look at you, gave you one last smile and she was out of the bedroom. When you heard the front door shut, you sighed again as something akin to regret settled in your bones. Maybe you should’ve at least asked for her number…
“So… did you have fun?” A deep voice filtered through the speaker before you saw the familiar mop of blonde hair and blue eyes on your screen. You rolled your eyes at his dry tone but you smiled nonetheless.
“Oh hi, Derek, I’m doing fine! Thank you for asking!”
Derek gave you an unimpressed look. “Come on. I need details cause that club was exclusive for a reason. So, did you hook up with someone?”
“Dude, stop! That’s so–” you shook your head, a palm over your face. You swore if he wasn’t family you would’ve… you breathed through your nose. “Thank you for the pass and everything but I’m not obligated to tell you shit.”
“Fine, I see how it is. Just ‘cause I’m not there you’re keeping secrets from me now, huh?” He raised an exaggerated eyebrow.
“Then maybe you should’ve come here with me,” you retorted with faux annoyance. “What’s the point of you owning a house in Barcelona if you’re not going to use it? It’s literally rotting here! The fact that you haven’t even put any personal things in here is criminal!”
“And let this agency burn down to the ground while both of us are away? Pfft, yeah, right!” Derek scoffed. “You know it’s either you or me who can keep watch around here. Besides, the house can wait and you’re using it now, right? So, a win-win in my book.”
He was right but you weren’t about to tell him that so you opted to change the topic. “How are things on your end anyway?”
“Chaotic, as usual. And it doesn’t help we’re now down two–actually, three including you–of our best in the Spot News department.”
At that, you sat up from the couch, alarm and dread filled your body and you brought the phone closer to you. “Oh my god, did something happen?”
Derek sighed heavily, his demeanour clouded over as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “It was Jones and Gilda–they’re stable, don’t worry!–they got caught in a flash flood on the way to the base at their area. Sick with some minor injuries, Jones more so than Gilda, but thankfully they’re both okay.”
At that, you breathed out in relief. You were well acquainted with the dangers that came with your job but you could never get used to how quickly a situation could get from bad to worse. The mere thought was enough to turn your hands cold.
“When did this happen?”
“Early morning today in our timezone.”
“Oh, fuck. Derek, why didn’t you call me?!”
“Dude, you’re on leave. And it’s not that I didn’t want to let you know, I just wasn’t about to wake you up in the middle of the night to give you this headache. I’m just about done with the paperworks anyway.” A moment silence, then Derek sighed. “You really chose the worst time to go on leave. You know, I had to send Jersey to start covering Spot.”
“Not my fault you authorised it. I was happy to wait another month, remember? Wait, so if Jersey is doing Spot, who’s doing Sports?”
“I know, I know, don’t remind me ‘cause I’m already regretting it. And no one’s doing it. Spot coverage is more important but–”
“–we get a decent sum from Sports, too,” you finished for him. You did some quick estimation in your head: a month or two without Sports could prove costly, too great of a sum to let go. You hummed, rubbing your chin, but it didn’t take you long to realise that you could help out, your mind immediately fleeted to your conversation with Ale and her suggestion.
“I’ll cover it, Derek.”
“No. You’re supposed to be enjoying your leave–”
“Derek.” You fixed a stern gaze at him, the one you knew that he knew meant your mind was made up. Then you proceeded to reassure him that it was fine, and then you told him about your plan. “Alright, then, I’ll leave the press passes to you.”
“I’ll e-mail them to you once I get ‘em, most likely by tonight your time. I–”
“Derek, you got to see–” Another voice filtered through the speaker while you watched as Derek turned his head to the side and held his hand up to whoever it was before returning his focus back to you.
“Okay, as much as I’d love to keep talking to you, Robert just brought me a huge stack of paper so I’m going to bail.”
“Alright. Have fun, you. Talk to you later.”
“Ha ha, very funny. But seriously, thank you.”
“No worries. Kiss Mom for me when you see her.”
“I will. Love you, sis.”
“I love you, too.”
After calling Jones and Gilda to ask about their condition and to send them your well wishes, you decided to spend the rest of your day at the nearby square and the beach. A day as good as this wasn’t meant to be wasted by staying inside so you grabbed several rolls of film and your beloved Leica camera before heading out.
It was already late afternoon when you found yourself trudging along the shoreline of one of Barcelona’s beaches, appreciating the orange-tinged skies and how the gulls called from above. When you looked to the horizon, you found a mother and her little daughter paddle-boarding just a hundred meters from the shore. You could see almost no details in the shadows of their silhouette but the large setting sun framed them in such a way that you felt to take a shot of the moment. So you adjusted your aperture accordingly, pressed the viewfinder against your brow, lined up your shot, and pressed the shutter.
“I thought you looked familiar… And I was right.”
Your thumb froze over the advance lever when you heard someone speak from somewhere behind you. That voice… could it be?
You whipped your head over your shoulder and found none other than Ale standing there. She was wearing a pair of jean shorts, a white opened blouse that put her toned abs and Nike sports bra on display, loose hair slightly damp, with a leash in one hand that lead to a small, fluffy dog. She also had on a pair of black wraparound sunglasses that she moved to the top of her head, revealing her hazel eyes that captivated your gaze immediately.
You could hardly believe your eyes and your luck; you already accepted her fleeting presence in your life but to meet her again in a city as big as Barcelona without any means of contact… that surely was nothing short of a miracle.
“Ale, hi! I–I never thought I’d see you again,” you said after you finally found your voice but as soon as the words left your mouth, your cheeks warmed. What were you supposed to say to a one night stand in this situation, especially when you clearly wanted it to happen again?
“Me neither. I should thank Nala for dragging me out here.” Ale grinned as she glanced down at her dog by her feet. You crooned as you bent down, then you offered your hand first and only after Nala licked your knuckles did you proceed to pet her.
“Thank you, Nala, for taking your owner for a walk.” At that, a hearty laugh came from Ale which caused Nala, who seemed to be overjoyed by the sound of her owner’s delight, to yip and wag her tail. And just as quickly as she had, she seemed to get bored and began to bound forward, urging Ale to move as well so you stood up, brushed the sand from your palms, and fell in step with her.
For a moment, the space between you was filled by the sound of the waves, the sound of the shifting sand beneath your feet, and the ever-bustling noise from the city. Then you recalled your conversation with Derek this morning.
“I thought about what you said, about covering women’s football. I’m going to be given a press pass for a match, not sure which one they’ll give me, though. But do you know of any big matches coming up?”
“Really? That’s great! Do you have any particular team in mind or…?”
“Research is still on my to-do list so no, not really. I’m all ears for suggestions, though.”
“I see. Well, there is this match coming up: Real Madrid and Barcelona. Since you don’t know, there’s rivalry between the two teams so any match between them tends to get crowded. You should come watch.”
“That sounds like a good one. I hope that’s what they’ll get me into. Will you be there?”
“I hope so, too. And yes, I’ll be there.” As she said this, her eyes shone with a glint not dissimilar to what you saw in them the night you met. Her lips tilted to the side, closed but quirked at the corners like she was holding in a laugh. If it weren’t already clear that night, it was now–you were definitely missing something here.
“What?” You asked, confused. What was she not telling you? But at the question, Ale only let out a small giggle, grinning as she did so.
“Nothing, nothing,” she said, shaking her head. You didn’t believe her but you let it slide one more time and the fact that she looked so distracting didn’t help either.
She had her head turned to you, her loose hair framed her face and strands fluttered in the cool, ocean breeze. You had to tilt your head up slightly to meet her eyes and, without any bidding, memories from that night and the morning after filtered through your mind: the way she held you against her, the way you wanted her to stay… maybe you should ask her if she was free tonight.
“–what do you have in mind?”
You blinked. “What?”
Ale threw her head back, letting out another hearty laugh before she looked at you and you saw amusement swimming in her eyes. Then, she continued with a smirk, “you asked if I was free tonight. I said yes. Or… was I not meant to hear that?”
Your ears and cheeks burnt while you internally cursed your slippery tongue. That was smooth. Real smooth. “Ummm…”
You woke the next morning with a delicious soreness between your thighs, a pleasant reminder of the way Ale ravished you last night. Similar to the first morning after, you heard the rustling of clothes being put on. But before you could fully open your eyes, warmth from Ale’s lips branded the skin on your shoulder.
“I have to go. See you next time?” Ale murmured softly. You shifted slightly to the side and you saw how the sunlight behind her gilded her hair with an amber halo and made her eyes appear like molten gold.
Brushing a loose strand behind her ear, you hummed in confirmation and pressed your forehead sleepily against the sharp line of her jaw, closing your eyes as you did so and you whispered, “you know where to find me.”
#ap11#not proofread#mine#my writing#a/n: introduced some fictional characters here for plot purposes and there'll be more later on (i hope that wont put off some people)#i tried not to info-dump but not really sure if i succeeded lol#also i find it difficult to write smut and its even harder without talking about feelings so nothing yet folks im so sorry#and idk when the next part will come out cause its one of the parts that arent fleshed out but ill try to finish it by next week#just a reminder: im tweaking minor details as i go so the most accurate copy of all the parts will be on my ao3 (@thesunisatangerine)#apologies for any grammar and spelling mistakes ill work on em later#woso x reader#alexia putellas x reader
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I'm sincerely very happy for anyone who is enjoying the show but every time I see takes that the show has improved the book characterizations or that the book characters are underdeveloped in comparison to the show...
#our experiences are very different lmao#pjo show crit#sure the show isn't completely out yet#but id argue that the characters (namely the trio) seem way more developed and well-rounded in the book by this point in time (episode 4)#and look im not saying every change the show has made is bad#but by and far there has yet to be a change to characterization that feels like an IMPROVEMENT from the source material lmao#the closest contender I'd say is show Percy does seem a tad angrier than book Percy#but again I wouldn't call that an improvement... its just different and I think that /change/ works because it feels like the same essence#but even that has had some issues because I feel like the show has inadvertently cut down some of Percy's canon book empathy here and there#I think the show has nailed Annabeth's pride and intelligence and her warped worship of her mother#... but they've also made her hyper competent to the point that she's not making half of the mistakes she did in the book#which ISNT good because book annabeth is smart but she isn't infallible#its a big point that she has the theoretical intelligence but none of the real world experience/application#she gets tricked by medusa and goes to visit the Arch just cause she loves architecture and that's okay!! she's twelve and a nerd!#I also dont like that they've cut/toned down her little crush on Luke#actually they've not even showcased the familial bond between annabeth and Luke either in the show so like lmao#and then grover#by now grover's fear of failure and repeating this past mistakes and wanting a license has already been acknowledged in the books at least#in the show?? not so much#and his canon book suspicions and wariness of medusa... were given to annabeth#like medusa in the book was Grover's moment to shine cause his instincts were right!#and in the book fight he even very intentionally attacked medusa#but his highlights there were cut completely in the show#and finally sally#...idk who that is in the show but that's NOT my sally jackson#percy jackson#mine
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5/24.
inspired by vintage chinese pin up style posters.
watercolor flower set x
#posting again cause ifucked something up jsjs#i checked and triple checked that the chinese was correct and i think it is but im sooo scared of making a mistake lmao#like those people that get the dumbest words tattooed bc of a mistranslation#anyway this was tough#wanted to do smth with zhou but it didnt work out :''''''(#all the ideas i had were above my skill level#f1edit#my edits#f1#chinese gp 2024#f1 posters 2024#own post#f1blr#formula 1#china gp#chinese gp#formula one#chinese grand prix 2024#dailyf1#lewis hamilton#shanghai gp#shanghai 2024#fernando alonso#nico rosberg#daniel ricciardo#michael schumacher#sebastian vettel#jenson button#kimi raikkonen#rubens barichello
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What a worthless animal
#oc: siggy#first image is babies attempting to figure out their ideal limb count#anyway having a bit of a 'never trust how you feel about your life at 3am' moment but i think the artfight brain plague is beginning to hit#dont worry about me im fine#just feeling a lil bad about maybe not being able to clean up the revenges i would like too and theres sooo many i didnt even get to sketch#and am only at like 50% of how much i 'scored' last year so it makes me feel a lil eh like im not doing as much#but ultimately i did way way more revenges even if it mightve been a mistake LMAO so at least thats something#although i feel bad cause i didnt even revenge some of the coolest ones i got!!! augh!!!!!!!!!!#ah well beetles dont have to deal with these problems we should be more like them#if you read my tag rants sorry about the lore on how my brain works you should check out the wooly chafer beetle
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im actually so fucking mad i get why no one else in my family went to uni this shit is so unfair
#i feel like such an outsider cause idk how any of this works and no one will explain it im tired of feeling stupid#like i really do feel like a fraud i shouldn’t be here i feel like they made a mistake with my transcript#everyone here feels like they should be here but i already feel behind in my classes i feel like im missing a lot#no one explains anything like they keep saying these are intro courses then carter to the people who know what to do already#I wanna fly and i want a degree and i want to study science but i don’t want to like this
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i love bringing anti-establishment vibes into the establishment
#im radicalizing my coworkers#but also im like why are yall not as antiestablishment for me when the corporation we work for is obviously horrible#the pharmacist literally got yelled at (not even hyperbolic) for taking off around christmas#luckily the store was closed on christmas day itself#but like bruh#then we literally have severe understaffing making unsafe working conditions for the patients#and we are all running around like a chicken w our heads cut off all shift#im like guys we are all slaves to the corporation#and theyre all making even less money than i am and i dont even make that much#except the pharmacist of course#idk how everyone doesnt have my very anti-establishment mindset#but anyway#i hope my pharmacist didnt take what i said as an insult#i just said that the corporation is forcing one pharmacist to check 8 million prescriptions in 5 seconds#and when you work faster than you should it causes more mistakes#but that was after my one coworker said but (pharmacist name#) does it#so i hope she didnt take that as a dig at her#bc shes writing my recommendations LMAO#and also just bc i like her#bc shes just doing the best in a system that has set her up to fail#its not her fault#she's a good pharmacist#but in this environment safety or patient care is not the priority profit is#and they literally just cut the store hours again#so theyre just making it even worse
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#art summary#i have to clear out my phone. im hoping that if i remove all the nier rein screenshots ill have space#im almost certain its all the rein screenshots cause. they’re bigger than most pics and i had a lot#otherwise im not cooked but god i hope its that easy#i dont make resolutions but i hope i draw more next year#the problem with art summaries is youll have months where you draw a lot#months where yiu draw 10 good things and then every other month is empty#but you drew. so you cant look at art summaries with emoty months and get sad#but like i didn’t draw as much this year lmao too much going on in my head#i was gonna say i rarely drew but i draw so much more than the average person#what i really mean is i didn’t finish anything#i was in my dA gallery the other day and I really used to draw a fully colored piece everyday on high school#absolutely mad. and we (me and my friends) all used to do it#i just had a thought: a majority of my friends draw <- thoughts for later#i had to answer the door so I forgot what i was talking about#i think that. what i was getting at was that behavior really screws up what’s a healthy relationship with art?#like when you’re a kid you have time and when you’re inexperienced and don’t know you’re more forgiving on your mistakes#whereas now if i draw one thing a week thats a job well done to me. im so busy i can’t take it out on myself and i dont#and of course the sms algorithm but I don’t play with the algorithm#but yeah everyone i grew up drawing with friends or ppl i follow stopped drawing or just posting a lot and I’ve been thinking about it a lot#an artist i really like used to post a whole bunch of art dumps everyday. just doodles on different series and i loved seeing them#but they stopoed posting. working on being that kind of artist for me. we got xx art at home situation#if any of that makes sense
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yknow with tthe whole cc!kab rping an actual character rather than just being herself with extra steps thing i should prbs talk about her character in a different way compared to other lsers cause it feels wrong to talk about her in the same way that i do for the others when she plays in such a significantly different way
#mine.txt#ik its for practical purposes aka cc!kab not wanting to mistake ppl talking about her character to be talking about her#but man doing this whole cc! and c! thing is really just reminding me of the dsmp days lmao#i mean i never did that shit cause like i didnt really see the point cause like. theyre doing improv what difference would it make#cause like the character and the actor still share the same name online#how much can you really talk about someone doing improv in that kinda way until it doesnt work anymore#but theres a point to it this time#im not doing this for clarification purposes cause yall already know im not talking about irl kab#but cc!kab repeatedly breaks the forurth wall and not in an ''im a streamer so i gotta talk to chat'' way#but in a ''none of this is real guys were actually friends irl#and i make sure to do aftercare during heavy streams btw im trained in acting since i was a kid'' way#which means at least in my minds eye its heavily impractical to talk about kab the way i usually do for other streamers#see the way i talk about the other streamers theres an implicit acknowledgement of the blurred line between cc and c#but for kab while its all improv ofc theres a very defined line between cc and c#its a lil smudged sure but its still quite defined#so that implicit acknowledgement just kinda... gets lost. yanno? which im not a big fan of#so yeah i feel the need to talk about her differently cause of this entirely different framework to work off of#im not really sure how to do that besides adding cc! and ls! before her name#since usually in smps and mcyt in general theres a pretty similar meta rp style from all the members of a server#so i never really felt the need to talk about ome of the characters differently#but ofc ls had to be different it just had to lmao#but whatever ill figure it out#dont expect me to keep up with this when im triggered tho lmao cause thats just not happening
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empty nest
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#'snap arent you supposed to be asleep' YEAH SUPPOSED TO#UUUUUGGGGGHVLKJLKJLKJC WEITS DONE ITS FINALLY DONE I HATE EVERYTHING BUT NOT ACTUALLY#I SHOULDVE WENT TO BED SIX HOURS AGO BUT I DONT CAAAAARRRE ITS DONE IM FREEEEEEE I STAYED UP TO FINISH IT#free to do commission work and have a crisis this week Thats Fun (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)#ugh do i have anything left to say other than The Usual.#enjoy. please. im begging you. please enjoy.#im forcing myself to ignore small mistakes and things that generally bother me cause i can NOT work on this anymore#if i do im gonna sell my soul#OK BYE IM LATE FOR MY MORNING ROUTINE#IF THERES ANY GLARING ISSUES IDC DEAL WITH IT#IM LITERALLY GOING TO HANG MYSELF I ONLY NOW NOTICED I DID THE YEAR WRONG ON THE TWIT VERSION#I CANT EDIT TWIT POSTS NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I REMEMBERED TO FIX THE MONTH THERE BUTLKAEJLKAJ#WHATEVER IM LEAVING FORREAL NOW BYE BYE BYE DONT TALK TO ME BYE#I DONT HAVE THE ENERGY TO TELL MY JOKES AND DO MY COMENTARY IDC BYE BYE BYE#NEVER COLORING A LONG COMIC LIKE THIS AGAIN I PROMIIIIIISSSSEE
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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sharing my wangxian phlebotomist!wwx/blood donor!lwj au from twitter here (a summary here if you wanna see)
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The hardest part of the adoption process was supposed to be endless paperwork and screenings and the anxiety of not being good enough to meet high standards of the court.
It wasn't supposed to be A-Yuan's first doctors appointment.
His pitiful screams fill the small doctor's office. He's clinging to Lan Wangji's shoulders like there a lifeline, hiding and all LWJ wants to do is bundle up his son and carry him back to safety.
But these are mandatory vaccines he needs in order to attend pre-k. So he cant.
Nurse: Shots are never fun at this age, huh He would beg to differ; they're never fun at any age But see lwj isnt afraid of the shots themselves. Hes terrified of the sight of blood. His BFF loves horror movies & he watches them with her bravely by staring at the corner of the tv
When lwj gets his blood drawn, he looks closes his eyes and imagines being in a cold pond somewhere. But he's never been afraid of just the shot before.
He's helpless in the face of his son's distress. The nurse sighs, saying theyll have to try again another day.
A-Yuan sniffles into his baba's shirt, exhausted from the crying fit. His eyes are still watery and he looks around the room with such fear in his eyes, before withdrawing back into the safety of his baba's chest.
Lan Wangji has no idea what to do, only cradles him closer
Thankfully, LWJ has someone who can help. His best friend, Jiang Yanli is a child therapist and has been helping him prepare his home for A-Yuan.
If anyone knows what to do, it's Yanli-jie
JYL: Zhanzhan, have you tried showing him its not scary?
LWJ has not, bc he's terrified
JYL is the only one allowed to call him Zhanzhan. In Uni she was the one who mentored him his first week of school. Someone slipped him alcohol and he got deliriously drunk.
Yanli-jie was the one who found him and took him home. This is what they told the cohort but actually…
JYL: seeing his Baba get a shot and be okay might motivate him to be more brave
LWJ certainly doesn't feel brave. He's thinking of the blood flowing from his veins and then LEAVING them to go who knows where. It sounds barbaric
He has the distinct memory of learning what a period is in middle school and promptly passing out
He is not a fan of anything related to blood
But LWJ has learned that Yanli-jie knows what she's doing, so, despite the way he can swear he feels his blood pumping with fear, he agrees...but there's a problem.
LWJ: I am up to date on all my shots. How can I show him it is safe?
JYL: Hmm....I have an idea. My brother is a phlebotomist! He can help.
LWJ is confused. Last he heard, the younger Jiang is a prosecutor who makes a living viciously yelling in a courtroom.
JYL: Not him, Zhanzhan. My adoptive brother, A-Xian. I bet he would be happy to help you. He works at the blood bank at Yiling Clinic! The perfect exposure!
For who?, LWJ wonders. A blood bank sounds like a house of horrors to him. And a person who chooses to stick a needle in people and remove the very force that gives them life? He cannot imagine getting along with this person at all.
--
Yiling Clinic is a community clinic in a part of town Lan Wangji has never been to, especially since the Gusu Group has their own private hospital.
But this is where Yanli-jie's phlebotomist little brother works.
A-Yuan clings to the back of his legs as they approach the receptionist, a young man with amazing cat eye makeup named Mo Xuanyu
These two definitely do not fit the bill for their usual patients, with their designer clothing, so he asks with some skepticism: Um, can I help you?
LWJ has spent the last two hours siking himself up for the blood part, he isn't prepared at all for social interactions. He flounders like a fish.
LWJ: …I am…We are here for…
A shout comes from behind them: Ah! A-Yu, is that A-jie's friend? Zhanzhan?
LWJ flinches until he sees a man sprinting towards them. The 1st thing he notices is this man is wearing lilac scrubs with little white rabbits on them.
The 2nd thing he notices is this man has the most enchanting smile he's ever seen. Already, LWJ feels more relaxed.
The man winks at him: You like the scrubs? A-jie said A-Yuan liked bunnies, I figured this would help keep him calm.
LWJ does not blurt I like bunnies too. But only just.
Beside the man is a pediatric nurse named Wen Ning, no relation, who says he's here to help with A-Yuan
Yanli-jie's little brother, the phlebotomist, introduces himself: Ah! Sorry, Lan Zhan. Jiejie always calls you that so it just stuck. I'm Wei Wuxian. You can call me Wei Ying if you wanna make it even.
Strangely, LWJ feels no need to correct him: Lan Zhan is fine, Wei Ying.
WWX smiles so brightly, LWJ feels dizzy with it.
WWX: Now where's the little bunny himself?
A-Yuan has been clinging behind LWJ's pant leg, tilting around just enough to peek with one eye at this strange gege.
WWX: Maybe not a rabbit then, a radish who likes to hide away!
A-Yuan becomes offended: I don't like radishes!
WWX laughs: Me neither! But Qing-jie says they help us grow big and strong, so they can't be all that bad huh?
WWX is crouched in front of A-Yuan, draping both arms across his knees and resting his chin in one hand. He waits.
LWJ admires his patience. The longer WWX waits, crouched and rocking back and forth in front of A-Yuan, smile gently and welcoming, the more A-Yuan's natural curiosity gets the better of him.
Eventually, his son comes out from behind his leg to touch a black bunny on his sleeve
A-Yuan: I like this one. We only have a white bunny at home.
WWX: I like the black bunny too! What's your bunny's name?
A-Yuan: Banana, bc she tries to eat Baba's banana every morning, and you are what you eat.
He recites this with all the solemnity a 4 yo could possess
WWX's laughter echoes through the lobby: Well! You're very right, A-Yuan. Maybe you aren't a radish after all then. Tell me, what do little boys eat?
A-Yuan: I'm not little! I'm 4 and a half!
WWX: Right, right, I sincerely apologize for my mistake. What do big boys eat then?
A-Yuan purses his lips and taps his chin, pondering his question carefully: Hmm… jelly beans?
WWX looks like he wants to laugh more, but instead says: I see, I see. Thank you for your wisdom A-Yuan.
He looks up at LWJ, dark eyes dancing. LWJ's heart rabbits against his chest
WWX: If your baba is ready, we can head down to my cave if you'd like. I have a lot of cool machines I'd love to show you.
A-Yuan's eyes widen into saucers as he gasps: A cave? Wowww
They grin conspiratorially at each other, before turning bright eyes up at LWJ
LWJ feels warm and much more relaxed inside, so he nods: Mn. We may go.
A-Yuan cheers and holds WWX's hand as the head downstairs.
LWJ trails behind making small talk with WN, watching WWX and A-Yuan swing their hands and skip ahead, feeling something warm blossom in his chest.
The hallway to Wei Wuxian's lab isn't anything like Lan Wangji expects.
The rooms at Gusu are all perfectly pristine and sterile, painted white to promote serenity, rest, and healing.
For one thing, he'd raided a Halloween store at some point and hung up all sorts of decorations, mostly vampire themed. There's one that's says "I vant to suck your blood!" except suck is crossed out and replaced with "donate". Wwx and A-yuan giggle together at wwx's fake accent
It's definitely not up to Gusu General's strict standards. For one thing, there're beanbag chairs in the hall outside. Wwx says it's to feel more comfy while others wait, as he's the only phlebotomist on staff and it can take a while. A-Yuan personally tests each one.
His lab is…adequate if far too small. There's a desk that's overrun with stacks of papers and textbooks and a shelf that's filled with even more. The actual space where blood is drawn is, thankfully, sterile and clean. Though he's decorated with demons demanding blood for food
There's a temp controlled room where the blood is stored, with a red door and the words "Blood Pool" written in menacing barely legible font
Despite the…interesting decor, the room is homely and, surprisingly, welcoming. A-Yuan at least is having a very fun time getting a tour
Wwx patiently answers all of A-Yuan’s questions, even the endless why's, with utmost sincerity, even when his answers are purely nonsense.
Lwj can't stop the fond smile from lifting the corner of his lips. A-Yuan had never warmed up to a medical professional so fast.
He's pulled from his musings when A-Yuan grabs his sleeve: Baba! Blood-gege says this machine makes blood spin around!
Wwx burst out laughing: Blood-gege? I love it!
Lwj is enchanted, head repeating those last 3 words again and again as wwx fondly ruffles A-Yuan's fluffy hair
Wwx: alright, now that you're familiar with my beauty Chenqing (referring to his bloody spinny machine lwj does not want to think about), shall we get down to business?
He says this with his bright dark eyes glittering at LWJ. Right. The blood donating part.
Lwj gulps, nodding. A prisoner walking up to the gallows.
TBC
(If you're interested, I'm probably going to continue at least up to the end of the first part before i just make it into one long fic! You can follow it on my twitter!)
#i tried the threadfic thing on twitter and im finding it hard to get any engagement there and i think this au is cute okay#and i cant write it until a couple weeks from now so im just gonna share it here#call me wwx the way im shameless with my self promotion#hehe#bushy writing#mdzs#wangxian#mdzs fanfiction#mo dao zu shi#if the formatting looks dumb its cause im copying and pasting from shitter djfksh i dont actually write like this i just wanna share this o#anyways someone tell me how twitter fandoms work why are they so hardddd#from what i've seen the writing mdzs fandom is most active on there but i cannot understand how to get recognition there#to be fair i've always been a tumblr girlie and never posted much on my twitter besides retweeting art anyways#but i want validation for my writing T___T#also threadfics are a challenge of themselves and i admire writers who have the patience to deal with them because i am very much losing#mine like what do you do about all the typos and the mistakes and just ahhhhhhhhh#also i think its because im joining in the middle of twitter's mass exodus but idk where else to go#anyways
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I hate living in this world.
#misc#negativity tw#first off i had an argument with a colleague at work#we had to move places for the millionth time in this stupid open space#which already annoyed me#but this guy came at bargained like he always do while i said nothing because it's not like we chooae#and he always does that for actual work because and idk at first i made a snarky comment about now that he got what he wanted he better be#ready to work instead of hiding when somebody ask him to do his job#and he told me he didn't understand the remark#and my hot temper that makes me snap every five years took over#i bet he has by now complaining aboutme like he does about everything#anyway i take hours to calm down (not calm after 4 hours)#I'm also pissed at me cause i can't get emotional without shaking stupidly which makes me look like an hysterical person (i mean sadly i am)#also if there has to have an explanation once my anger is gone tomorrow i will be back on social anxiety mode which is gonna make it worse#all of this reminded me that i need to find a new job for ten thousand reasons#but unfortunately all employers are shit and actually i don't even know what i want to do#and as usual i have no energy for anything because i am still a major piece of shit#then i wanted to relax#made the mistake to open Instagram because I'm also stupid#and i know i don't often talk about politics and stuff#but it's really draining me#i barely or read news just enough to be aware#and honestly its exhausting but I dont want to complain cause Im in a privileged position where i have the chance to be able to 'shut off'#and yes my country and especially this government is sickening me#and like its people too#and also insta is full of pride posts#and i am stupid to read the homophobic and transphobic comments#and genuinely these people alongside racist and islamophobic people really scare the hell out of me#hopefully i don't engage but i shouldn't read anything at all tbh#speaking of pride im spiralling because even tho i kinda identify as aro i feel like a freak and i have nobody to tell me im not
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