#if the side stories actually address them i will issue a sincere apology to the author but unfortunately i have many doubts | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

drxwsyni · 4 years ago

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doubts and desires︱albedo x f!reader

summary: letting go of the past is hard, but losing what you have now would be harder. leaving albedo is neither something you can do, or something you really want, it’s simply taken you a while to understand that. word count: 2k warnings: implied dubcon, stockholm syndrome, past kidnapping

Even with how Albedo had bundled you up in a hat, scarf, gloves, and coat―it still failed to ward off the chill that seemingly sucked the warmth right from your body. Yet you said nothing about it, the unwanted attention it would draw from him inevitable if you made your discomfort known. And, you were almost certain he would drag you back to the cabin if he knew how the cold was treating you.

You didn’t enjoy the biting temperatures, but you didn’t want leave. Not when it’s been so long since you descended the mountain, that you barely even remember the feeling of snowfall against your skin.

The whole situation he’s placed you in is really quite foreign―confusing.

In how he’s letting you accompany him in his research, not far from his―your home. A safe distance, so to speak. Or that’s what he said, at least.

You realized that the way he spoke of this outing, how it’d just be the two of you, and that you wouldn’t venture very far; they were words of comfort. Not said to reassure himself that things would go smoothly, but to calm the look of trepidation in your eyes from the mere suggestion of going outside.

Now, seeing Albedo’s nonchalant demeanour while he studies the petrification of a fallen tree, it puts your mind at ease. Sure, if you look closely you’ll be able to see the way his eyes flicker to your form every few seconds or so, making sure you were right where he left you, but generally the alchemist is calm.

It makes you calm, for a moment it feels like you’re able to settle down and appreciate the intricate beauty of the snow swept mountain you stand upon. Best to do so now, knowing it wouldn’t be long until he would lead you home, sheltered safely away from the danger of the mountain’s climate.

“Oh―I didn’t know you were to be researching today, Albedo sir.”

With your back turned to the newly appeared stranger behind you, the cold that had seeped into your bones no longer posed as the only thing holding you in place―it was also now an icy fear.

You watched unmoving from your spot as Albedo gave pause, a hint of contemplation flashing across his face before standing.

“Timaeus. I thought you were studying back in the city.”

The man, who you had yet to properly address, responded with a somewhat nervous laugh.

“Yes, well I was, but it led me to do my own research out in the field…”

Always in a strangely graceful manner, Albedo dusted off his pants and straightened his jacket. A look of unashamed disinterest painted his expression as Timaeus rambled on about his findings.

Truly, you don’t recall Albedo ever showing such emotions with you―a detail not necessarily heartwarming, but still reassuring in an indescribable way.

Perhaps it was due to you being so sure that he’d rid himself of you when you no longer proved useful. Which made the swirling of affection and enamour in his eyes when he gazed upon you settle your nerves, even in just the slightest.

“...which I unfortunately have yet to procure. But―ah, I’ve gotten ahead of myself again. My apologies, how is your research coming along. And...who might you be?”

If Albedo recognized the look of severe anxiety flashing across your face, he paid no mind. Instead giving you a small, somewhat warm smile. As if to say, “Go ahead.”

The few seconds that passed were done in silence, you desperately trying to read Albedo’s face for ulterior motives, and the man behind you shuffling awkwardly in place while he waited for a response.

By some miracle, your body moved on autopilot, turning around to finally acknowledge the cause of your newfound distress. Only, you couldn’t even look him in the face.

Your mouth was dry, mind foggy and unable to think of a response that was anywhere near being coherent.

“...I―uh…”

“This is my new assistant. Please do forgive her, she’s quite shy.”

A shaky breath escaped your rigid body at the sound of Albedo’s voice, and the feeling of his hand resting gently upon the small of your back.

The blatant lie that only you and him recognized echoed inside your head.

Timaeus had no clue who you were, or what you meant to Albedo. But if he did know, you wondered what he would do.

“...Ah, it’s strange we’ve never met before.”

You could tell without looking that Timaeus was studying your form. With the way his tone shifted to something a little more unsettled, a pit grew in your stomach knowing how he had picked up on your questionable nervousness.

The hand resting on your back felt a little more heavy.

Albedo showed no signs of botherment, “That’s likely because she’s not from here.”

For some ungodly reason, the less experienced alchemist took this as an opportunity. “Oh, if that’s the case then we should show her around. Sucrose could use someone like herself to―”

“Actually, we were just leaving. I’m afraid I’ve kept her out in the cold too long, and descending the mountain any further is quite a reckless task in this weather―” His head turned to look at you, no longer addressing his student, “―right?”

If Timaeus was told of what his teacher had done to you, would he help? Even if he looks up to Albedo, even if everyone does, surely they would step in.

Only, the issue remained that first you’d have to prove to them you were in danger.

...And really, you weren’t. Not anymore.

The tender bruises around your wrists and ankles had healed long ago. Your health was in near perfect condition, what with how Albedo saw to it that you never did anything to put it at risk. A single and quick glance would show that you were so pristinely taken care of, complexion shining now that you no longer spent nights sleepless from fear.

What were you to even say?

Moreso, it remained true that you didn’t quite want to say anything.

Timaeus wouldn’t believe your truth, and Albedo would likely spin the scenario so that your words weren’t reliable anyways.

It dawned on you that Albedo knew this fact well, why else would he bring you with him if he wouldn’t still be entirely in control of the situation?

A simple movement, his hand drifted to your hip and gripped it firmly, urging.

Your voice, barely a whisper met his ears.

“...Of course…”

That was all he needed, sending an impatient, yet still neutral glance towards Timaeus, the smallest hint of self-satisfaction lingering in it.

His student took the hint.

_____

“I have to say, bringing you with me was quite...productive.”

After dinner, Albedo has you keep him company in his study. You, occupied with a book in a chair across from his desk, while he goes over his findings from the day’s outing.

“Research wise, I was able to study you in a foreign situation.” He continued, conversation one-sided, “The results were to my liking…”

Although construed in his ever sophisticated manner, his words told you that you did something right. He was proud, and that notion made the swell of a strange warmth in your heart grow.

The alchemist’s gaze remained downcasted at the papers strewn about in front of him while he spoke. “...I suppose you should be rewarded for such good behaviour.”

Your eyes flitted up, the story on your lap abandoned completely.

Albedo has never spoken of such a thing, not once entertaining the idea of rewards when he saw no reason to ever extend such gratitude. Even after all this time.

He must be especially pleased, you thought.

Perhaps, enough to grant you back even a small semblance of independence...that would most certainly be your wish.

You’d long grown used to his suffocating personality, the intense interest he paid you often resulting in little to no alone time. Albedo made sure you stayed in eyeshot, and in those inevitable times he needed to leave, he made them quick, and you were to be safely tucked away in the bedroom, door locked from the outside. There wasn’t a single detail he missed, no stone left unturned when trying to improve your security.

Unfortunately for you, it left little autonomy.

Just the smallest taste of self-reliance would be fine. You’d love to cook a nice meal, like the ones you used to make. Or perhaps to pick your own outfit one morning, something more your style than the things he put together for you. Any break from his constant guidance, no matter what shape or form, you’d gladly take―

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up then, I’ll meet you upstairs soon.”

Albedo neglected to look up as he spoke, and so he missed how the glimmer of anticipation in your eyes faded away. The way your shoulders dropped slightly, the look of disappointment flashing across your features in understanding of his words.

What he had planned, it was a reward...of sorts.

An excuse, as far as you saw it.

Albedo was known for testing the limits of living beings after all, and in certain ways, such studies extended to how he treats you. It’s a win win for him―he thinks it’s a reward, since he knows he can make you feel good, and doing so just shows him all those little things he can’t learn through idle observation. What makes you squirm or shy away with innocent embarrassment―information just as important as everything else he knows about you.

It doesn’t dissuade Albedo when he finally glances up to see what his offer has done, though the sight does make him feel as though he’s deceived you.

Still, he remains unapologetic. “While you gave me some good insight on how far you’ve...adjusted, I still can’t completely trust you. This merely turned out to be a good opportunity for satisfying your other needs―nothing more.”

Flipping open a nearby textbook, Albedo conveys wordlessly, a difficult habit of his, that the conversation has ended.

You, however, have yet to heed his words. Still seated, the once flickering of hope subsiding with each passing second. Call it grief, but you were sincerely expecting a different outcome. Though, knowing Albedo, and his constant need to grow more knowledgeable, you should’ve seen this coming.

“...I’d rather not have to force your compliance tonight. So, please―” He gestured towards the door with a wave of his hand, focus trained and brows barely knitted while he skims over his readings on the desk.

Honestly speaking, you once thought Albedo was a deeply confusing man. So too was the life he’d meticulously prepared, and swiftly forced you into. Yet, looking back, things may have been more simple than you once perceived.

Your only real job is to exist and comply. And you both know you’re not going anywhere, not going to say no. Especially now, given how effortless it feels to fall into routine, going through the motions of his request and carrying yourself upstairs.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you realize it’s too late for you, what feels like an eternity spent at Albedo’s side having just about rendered your fighting spirit useless. It’s been long since replaced with what you’re coming to know as a certain fondness. You want to see the compassion in his eyes that’s sparked by your willing compliance.

It was a single, tangible goal. Not complex and unobtainable like those tasks of your past life. Attempts at obtaining those desires are futile, when today's events proved you genuinely no longer want them anymore.

It’s much easier to make Albedo proud. You don’t realize that you do it everyday, and that he’s just poor at conveying his own emotions...

Drawing yourself a bath, you wash away past doubts, settling with what your life has turned into.

Distantly, you hear Albedo make his way up the stairs and towards your bedroom. You like knowing what’s to come, which is always something you’ll have with him. You can’t say the same if you leave, and so you finally resolve that you never will.

#yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #yandere albedo #yandere albedo x reader #genshin impact x reader #yandere x you #albedo x you #tw dubcon

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meimi-haneoka · 4 years ago

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Akiho Shinomoto - a manifesto of love

Despite becoming one of my favorite characters in the whole Cardcaptor Sakura franchise (and I would’ve never expected to love a new character this much), I realized I’ve never spent a long post for her, like the ones I did for SyaoSaku or for Tomoyo and Syaoran long time ago.

And there’s a lot to say, because Akiho Shinomoto is actually the first character who has introduced the concepts of evil and child abuse in Cardcaptor Sakura.

Something that wasn’t even remotely conceivable until (almost) 5 years ago.

Often considered boring and weak from the CCS fandom, Akiho actually harbors an immense strength inside of her, which goes mostly unnoticed to everyone, in-story friends included. Let’s see why.

Sentenced to death, for lack of magical powers

Once upon a time, a baby girl was born in a clan of powerful magicians, the most ancient of Europe. Clan members seemed happy and curious about the new entry to the family. They had great expectations about what magic she would develop, as everyone else in that family. At the ripe old age of 1 year and a half / 2 years, the baby girl was expected to show some signs of magic, but she had none. But hey, maybe she would become powerful later, let's pat her head and wait patiently. At that time, the Clan still showed some kind of "attention" for her.

But by the time the girl was around 6/7 years old, no fragment of magic appeared in her. Unacceptable. She's the daughter of two top rank magicians, in a clan of magic prodigies. Yet, she showed none of those gifts. They kept comparing her with some boy, living in a far away country, part of another famous magical clan. The girl suddenly held no more interest for her Clan. They actually started seeing her as a stain on their Clan's pride. Suddenly, the focus was all on how they could surpass the other rival clan. The girl was left all alone. A magicless member of the family is a member who doesn't even deserve being talked to. An interrogatory, at most. Who cares if the little girl wants to socialize, if she wants to play, if she's the only young person in that Clan, already without her parents who died so early on? The only thing this girl was good at was reading books, so all that's she's allowed to do. Not even playing with stuffed animals. For some reason, she's allowed to keep only ONE plushie, which is basically everything to her. But books and dolls can't fill that sinkhole she's already feeling at such young age.

Obsessed with this "anomaly", when she was about 2 years old, the Clan had the baby girl examined by a member of a Magic Association in England, known to be the den of shady magicians. A 8/9 year old bored magic genius, named “Yuna D.”, was her examiner. The boy said "She's like a blank book". The girl grew up, and the situation was still the same. The disapproving stares of her relatives cut the little girl’s heart like a sharp knife. They called her “worthless”, “useless”. They even doubted she could really be the daughter of her powerful parents. So what should they have done? Let the little girl live her life like any other regular human being, or taking literally the words of a BORED, EMOTIONALLY UNDEVELOPED CHILD who literally spat out the first thing that came to his mind?

Although the choice should’ve come easily for any normal human being with a functioning brain, they actually went in the other direction, greedy for power. And so, they decided to treat the girl like a tool, using her to store all kinds of magic for them to use. If she couldn’t be of any help to her clan with her capabilities, they would give her a purpose.

On some kind of altar, halfway between a lab rat and the sacrificing ritual of a sect, the most ancient Magicians of Europe together with the Magic Association performed a dangerous magic on her, which afterwards would take its toll even on the casters: they turned her into a magical artifact, capable of engraving in herself all the magical books she would encounter, transforming her de facto into a book herself. As if this wasn’t horrifying enough, this spell will progressively try to crush her soul and conscience, until it gets destroyed completely. So when the artifact will reach its limit, it will be the death of her, as a human being. Only a shell of her will remain. And judging by what was said later on in the story, they actually hope for her to lose her consciousness completely, so they can make use of her more easily.

Afterwards, they burned the book they took the ritual from, so the procedure would remain in their knowledge only. Greedy till the very last drop.

Once their perfect magical tool was achieved, turning a little girl into some sort of artifact, both the Clan and their accomplices couldn't stop bragging about it. The only positive words Akiho has ever received in her life by her people were after she was turned into a tool.

With a newly found purpose for that stain on their clan’s pride, they sent her away into the world to collect all the magic books she could find and write their powers into her, even though she was still just a child. For reasons still unknown, Yuna D., the boy who involuntarily caused this horrible ritual to happen and basically condemned her to death, offers himself to accompany her. The very first decision he took in his own life. That decision will change forever the course of their life, for both of them.

Rising from the ashes, towards a future of hope

Rehashing Akiho’s past is important to understand her personality and behavior fully. CLAMP, in the Clear Card manga, have portrayed the story of her past in a very peculiar way: it starts as any other fairytale, with light tones and cute designs. But as the story progresses, and the horror ensues, the tone of the tale changes, and so the drawing style too. It becomes serious, and “realistic” (ad opposed to the initial cutesy style). What started as a possible generic fairytale, turned into a real nightmare.

On top of being deprived of the love of her parents ever since she was born, because apparently they died right after, Akiho spent her early childhood in complete solitude. Those magicians who were supposed to be her remaining family were too absorbed into their own greed for power, to consider the needs of a baby girl. Not to mention that they had some kind of disgust for her, for being magicless. She was denied attention, cuddles, conversations, play activities, toys. She was denied love and care. All basic things that contribute to shape the personality and psychology of a person. Akiho grew up with the conviction that she wasn’t worth any of that, because no one gave it to her. One of the complaints I have seen the most about her in the fandom, is how she’s always so apologetic, to the point of becoming obnoxious. If you think about it, one of the most prominent characteristics of her personality is how she continuously apologizes to people, thanks them for any smallest thing, and is always, constantly seeking validation.

But if you stop for a second to think about her past, you’ll realize with dismay that those are none other than symptoms of the abuse she suffered in the past. She was called “good for nothing” and “useless” by her clan and the Magic Association, and those words carved themselves into her heart, forever scarring it. Akiho grew up believing that she was really worthless and good for nothing just because she couldn’t meet the expectations of her clan, and it’s apparent when we see her considering herself “extremely clumsy”, even though we have afterwards seen that she’s perfectly capable of cooking, sewing, even playing sports. She only needs the dedication of someone who would teach her that.

With a disastrous psychological situation like this, one would naturally wonder how this girl didn’t commit anything extreme yet. Completely alone in the world, deemed useless. Unloved.

Books, books were her first lifeline. The fictional, magical, wonderful worlds depicted in those stories saved her sanity, making her dream about a better life, about friendship, about love. They taught her everything. They gave her the hope that those things existed out there, and maybe one day she would be blessed with them too. The fantastical characters kept her company when no one was there for her (yet). And she loves them viscerally for that, to the point of seeing herself mending damaged books in the future, as a possible occupation. Just like they mended her lacerated heart.

The second lifeline was her meeting with Kaito. Uncharacteristically to him, Kaito showed immediately a kind and interested behavior towards her. This was so shocking, so incredible that Akiho’s first reaction to his introduction was to run away. No one ever addressed her with the intention of having a conversation. No one was ever interested in what she was reading. Even just by this you can get a glimpse of how miserable her life had been till then. Full of psychological issues himself, thanks to the human connection Kaito gradually turned his attentions towards Akiho from contrieved mannerism, to genuine and sincere gestures. Akiho can feel that affection, even if her self-criticism always pushes her to believe that she’s nothing more than “job” to him. It’s something small, but what she’s experiencing with Kaito is her everything, and more than she’s ever had.

The third lifeline is Momo: Akiho doesn’t know, nor remotely imagines she’s actually a living magical creature. But she has been her constant presence ever since she was born. Her connection to her is special, and you can see it in their daily (one-sided, for now) interactions. Akiho talks to Momo, she greets her when she comes back home, she constantly carries her around, she thinks about giving her a little dress as a present. Momo is Akiho’s strength. The love this girl pours into what she believes is just a stuffed animal is incredible. It goes to show Akiho’s immense capacity to love something/someone without expecting anything in return, but actually just enjoying the simple presence and courage they give to her. If you think about it, it’s the very opposite of what she experienced with the only human interactions she’s ever had before Kaito came into the picture. Her aptitude to selfless love is also remarked between the lines in chapter 49, when Akiho is telling Sakura about her relationship with Kaito. Despite all the ugliness she went through, she’s still able to find in herself the strength to overcome all of it, and change her life for the better.

This certainly hasn’t been an easy or quick process, because in the flashbacks of her journey with Kaito we always see her with a pensive/serious look. It must have been extremely hard to start trusting others, when she had no one she could count on in her own home.

Akiho’s capacity to love and rise from the ashes of her terrible past has been so contagious, that it has started to affect Kaito too. As Momo said in chapter 51, once you’re given the reason to change, no person can ever stay the same. This must have been true for Kaito, but certainly for Akiho too.

I’m absolutely positive that Akiho (and possibly, Kaito too) will be the symbol for one of the most important, beautiful messages in the whole Clear Card Arc: even if your life isn’t perfect, even if your past scarred you in multiple ways, there’s always hope. Hope to turn over a new leaf and change yourself for the better too, in the process. Overcome everything that had you stuck in pain and grief. Achieve what you always wished for.

#Card Captor Sakura #cardcaptor sakura #clamp #ccsakura #akiho shinomoto #sakura cardcaptor #ccs #clear card arc #clear card

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leviiattacks · 4 years ago

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Two Faced | Chapter Six

↳ levi ackerman, the very person who was about to kindly behead you by a surprising turn of events manages to become your loving husband? you would be elated if this was true love, but it's all thanks to a mysterious magic spell that your life is spared. for now at least.

pairing :: duke!levi x duchess!reader genre :: royal au, angst, fluff, slice of life etc word count :: 2.4k author note :: i have not yet proof read any of this or chapter five like i said i would, so i apologize for any mistakes. sigh im sorry for the angst in this chapter ??? T__T i suppose my own mood tends to be reflected in my writing. anyway, i’m working on requests too so if you have any feel free to send them in :D → next part is here!!

Everyone within the estate notices the way your schedule suddenly changes, half of them have no clue what you're doing seeing as it would be unfavorable for them to be aware of it in the first place.

However, after the bitter events of your first ODM-gear session you find it necessary to tell Sasha and Mikasa the truth. It's embarrassing really, and your mind disintegrates trying to find an appropriate way to tell to them about it. Sasha especially considering you've hid so much more from her.

The thought of letting them in on your lie has crossed your mind a number of times, but the image of Levi throwing you to the floor as he shakes in simmering outrage makes itself present. He will have objections against this and if he finds out you may end up in the same vulnerable position as before.

But, you don't care. If he wants to end your life for providing your confidants with honesty, so be it. It's not as if you have much of a choice.

Mikasa is sat in front of you bubbling with rage, she's disinfecting the gash at the top of your head - it has inconveniently tainted the surface of your skin after the second time you accidentally flipped in your gear.

Her breathing is heavy, evidently leaden with acidity it's become background noise to you. You're now increasingly mindful of how she's trying her best to keep calm for you. The realization that you're a liability and a hindrance to those around you makes you wince in shame.

You may as well be considered a synonym for humiliation at this point. That's how badly you're handling everything that comes your way.

Sasha doesn't say a word as she's brushing the knots out of your hair. There's nothing more you want to do than snatch the wooden paddle brush away from her, tell her she doesn't have to do this for you or commit herself to someone as unworthy as yourself. It's shameful that you let her continue - your only reason is that making her feel uncomfortable by the action is a possibility and that is the last thing you wish for.

The corners of your lips twitch upwards but you fight the desire to laugh at your pathetic circumstances.

"We aren't really in love." You finally say it. "He's never loved me." Your voice is ragged, voice trembling, breath laboured.

"You don't need to explain." Mikasa is calm in the way she approaches it all. "All we need to know is that the Duke is a pig."

Sasha has now stopped brushing out your hair now playing with the ends of your strands between her fingers.

"We expect no explanation from you it's been a long day." She gently whispers.

"Everyone deserves to rest. That includes you." Sasha's soft voice provides a kind of comfort that consoles you the way stars provide solace to the night. Your eyes fill to the brim with tears, you've desperately wished for years that someone would tell you that and mean it and here it is. She's smiling down at you, not even an ounce of irritation present in the way she addresses the situation.

Mikasa is silently caressing the top of your hand with her thumb. They aren't outraged or resentful. Even though they should be they aren't.

Heart twisting due to the prickles of relief they've given you your shoulders slump and you give in choking down a sob.

Sasha circles her arms around your quivering form and she strokes your hair. "It was hard, right?"

Attempting to blink your tears away you feebly nod. The weight of it all being kept to yourself has been unbearable. Tolerating this unwelcoming and cynical actuality on your own has been one of the hardest obstacles to come your way. To be swept off your feet and loved with such sincerity only to then be thrown away by that man like a rag-doll. Only to be coerced into doing what he wants or to face the music and face an early death. It's truly had a deeply somber affect on you.

You take one profound breath and you begin to tell them your story.

There are moments at which Mikasa's grip on your hand strengthens in a mix of frustration and protectiveness.

Eventually, at some point Sasha tries to secretively wipe a tear away when you recount Levi's blackened, subdued gaze the day he reverted back to his old self and announced you would never be a wife of his.

It's all too overwhelming for you when you tell them you're only alive sitting in this bed because you've bartered your freedom for a chance at existence. It's always been that way, you had to give, in order to receive, but this is one of the rare occasions you don't feel that way. The beating of your heart steadies, you're thankful for the way they listen and ask for nothing in return.

You stare at them once you're finished worried that you've overloaded them with too much information, you didn't even think to believe how they'd feel associating with a speculated "witch".

"You believe me right?" Your hoarse voice is thickened with worry.

You feel Sasha nod above your head.

"We believe you."

Staring at her glossy eyes you turn to look at Mikasa, she holds your arm in place and squeezes your hand reassuringly, it's enough to convey that she too has faith in you.

The days since have been passing excruciatingly slow. The day after the ordeal with Levi you can sense the way the other cadets look at you. It's a combination of distaste and pity. They stay far away from you, don't want to pair up with you during group exercises or activities - you aren't annoyed at all. In fact it's in their best interest they stay far away from your uncoordinated stiffness.

Oluo seems to feel horrible for challenging you to use ODM-gear when your core strength was not to the best of your abilities, he mumbles an apology for contributing to the gash on your forehead but you tell him it's quite alright and you assure him it isn't his fault that you thought you would be able to master the mechanism of the gear so early on.

On one of your more empty days you finally find the time to make your pit-stop at Hange's office, knocking on their door a breezy "Come on in!" is the response you're given.

To your surprise Levi is sitting there with a map and pen in his hand. Unmoving, his attention is solely on the plans in front of him. Ignoring him you inquire what it is Hange wanted to so desperately discuss with you but they wave it off saying the issue they had has now been solved.

Turning to walk away you don't divert your stare to Levi, simply knowing he's in one piece is good enough for you.

Other than that the repetitive pattern has stayed the same. It's a cycle of waking up, skipping breakfast, training for hours on end, returning completely exhausted, bathing and ultimately passing out in bed almost as soon as you've made contact with the mattress.

Levi and you awkwardly have to share the same bedroom at the estate to avoid any rumours of a broken marriage spreading. You don't understand why it matters, the "rumours" would be factual and true.

At first he sleeps in his office using the excuse of paperwork and planning attack formations but he knows that excuse will soon run dry. Later he utilities one of the armchairs in your room and sleeps in it for an hour or two, it concerns you how he's barely sleeping now, but you aren't vocal about your worry. Last but not least today is what you call a hollow night, the other half of your King sized bed is vacant, you haven't caught a single glimpse of Levi all day despite foolishly being on the look out for him. These nights are the worst.

Silence comes hand in hand with the peace and tranquility of the dark but that isn't what you feel, nevertheless you make the effort to sleep knowing your body will thank you for it when you train tomorrow.

Just as you're at the brink of drifting softly to sleep you feel the weight on the other side of your bed shift, you nearly jolt but your body's survival instincts halt the action. Suddenly, you are eerily alert of your surroundings. This isn't Levi, he'd never dare to come anywhere near you in general, but then shock renders you in place, he's fatigued by your presence perhaps it is him and this is finally your time.

That doesn't sound right to you. Levi is a man of his word if he wanted to go through with it he would have long ago.

A warm palm embraces your cheek and you second guess your previous line of thought. Instead of Levi Is this Lev?

This confirms your suspicions. The magic has yet to fully dwindle away. It's faltering.

Eyes fluttering open with caution you want to tell him how you've missed his presence greatly for this will be short lived. Lev will come and go. Even if you know it'll only obstruct your progress you wish to tell him you're grateful for the affection he gave you when he was around, but as you open your eyes half lidded he presses you into his chest.

The pace of your heart erratically springs, his breath is tickling the back of your neck. You can hear the blood drumming in your ears.

It pains you but you have to push him away.

But when you begin to emphasize the distance between the two of you he doesn't give you the opportunity to speak again, he flares up in want and presses his lips against yours, kisses you hard. You automatically reciprocate and your nerves cause your teeth to accidentally clatter against his.

His fingers run through your hair, frantically, desperately.

You'll be scolded for this later but it's not like you care and it's not like you can talk Levi out of it now. Not when he's like this.

An uncontrolled breathe leaves you and he lightly cups your jaw slipping his tongue inside. It tastes of whisky, you immediately recoil.

He's intoxicated.

"I'm sorry. Go to bed Lev." Your plain response is enough to worry him.

He holds onto your wrists and tugs at you. "My love?" His adoring stare is enough to make you crumble.

This isn't playing out how you want, you can't do this, not right now. You refuse to make this harder on yourself. Turning around you face away from him.

"I'm tired."

But Levi refuses to make it any easier on you.

He pulls you in by the torso again, handling you like a delicate flower.

He asks again.

"Whatever is wrong? I'll handle it for you."

It's abnormal hearing him talk to you with positive regard or even offer to help you. Repeatedly you warn yourself don't give in. The pace your head throbs at is in time with your heart, you're finding hope in the hopeless if you tell him your feelings.

"My Lord. Please leave me alone. Please. When the Sun rises you will regret this, as will I." You're unrestrained in your pleading now, your wailing fills the chambers you and Levi occupy.

"Please." Your voice is straining and urgent.

Thankfully, the maid's quarters are far, they won't hear the way you cry out for him to put an end to this torturous mind game.

Face slippery with hushed tears the tearing of your heart can not be heard. Bloodshot eyes blur your vision, you can't see. You don't think you want to, not when he firmly grips onto you like his life depends on it.

Then. The air changes, he's still holding onto you but his arms stiffen. He feels the way your back shivers against his chest. How your choked, cracked gasps for breath are an indication of how he's destroyed any chances you've had of sleeping.

Wordlessly, he lets go of you. Not a single word is uttered. The only sound amongst the alienating silence is his footsteps.

You hate this.

He closes the door behind him as he departs.

No, you hate him.

An unusual amount of sunlight compared to usual floods into your room and you have to practically block it out with one of your arms. Stirring awake your eyes burn, the whites must still be raw and inflamed.

This is usually the amount of sunlight you'd expect to see midday. Stifling a yawn you look around you. Then it hits you. It's not morning.

It's midday.

Your hands fly to your mouth trying to swallow your gasp down your throat, you're in hot water. It's not permitted for anyone to miss training unless they're excused by one of the higher ups. It's not as if you've missed a hour of training either, you've missed four.

There's no way to explain this, no way at all.

After everything he put you through last night the least Levi could have done was wake you up or at least order one of the maids to do so. It's his fault you slept at that ungodly hour.

An incessant knocking begins and you're almost certain it's Levi who's come to scold you for missing training. For some reason you can't make yourself care about his possible annoyance just yet.

"I'm coming in!"

You let out a short sigh. Thank Heavens it's only Sasha.

The door flings open and she pulls you out of bed not giving you the chance to greet her good morning.

"What have you gone and done???"

Awkwardly you chuckle. "I slept in and forgot training." Her face contorts and twists not knowing what expression is appropriate to express her bewilderment.

"No, no. WHY DID THE DUKE LET YOU OFF TRAINING TODAY?? IT'S OUT OF CHARACTER."

At a complete loss for words, open mouthed all you can manage to do is clear your throat trying to keep your jaw from dropping. "He what?"

#levi ackerman #levi #aot #snk #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan levi #aot fanfiction #aot headcanons #duke levi #levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi angst #levi fluff #levi smut #levi fanfiction #leviiattacks

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wanderinginksplot · 4 years ago

Text

Nobody Listens to Kix

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Case 00627: Scorch

Kix glanced up at the familiar sound of the medbay doors opening, frowning as he saw two commando troopers walking in. Their distinctively styled helmets gave an air of uniformity, but the designs painted on them spoke of very different personalities.

The commando wearing the helmet marked with red, jagged lines - almost suggesting a handprint - was half-supporting, half-dragging another commando with a simple, gray-green helmet painted with white and yellow details. Kix studied both new arrivals, but couldn't find any visible injuries on either.

"What happened here?" Kix asked, already starting toward the men.

"Scorch here blew himself up," the red-painted commando answered, with a motion of his helmet that clearly said he was rolling his eyes. "Di'kut."

"I did not!" the injured Scorch said defensively, turning to address Kix. "I had a minor disagreement with a wall."

"Yeah?" the red-painted commando asked, "What were the arguments?"

"Whether or not the blast from a thermal detonator plus my own fabulous aim would make the wall go 'boom'," Scorch replied, clearly grinning under his helmet.

"Congratulations on winning your argument, sir," Kix said dryly, already promising himself to blow up the Resolute and everyone inside before he would let Scorch and Hardcase meet. "Let's shed the armor and see how much damage that wall's rebuttal caused."

The two commandos completed their half-walk, half-drag journey to the first bunk in the medbay and Scorch leaned up against the mattress, stifling a pained groan. The red-painted one, obviously fed up with his brother's antics, unceremoniously lifted and deposited Scorch on the bed.

"Come on, Sev!" the commando complained loudly. "You know I'm injured and delicate."

"It doesn't count as an injury if you've always been stupid," Sev told him. "I'm going to report back to Boss."

"You're going to leave me here, alone and hurt?" Scorch asked dramatically. His only reply was the medbay door closing behind Sev. He shook his head and told the door, "Well, that was rude."

The door seemed unsympathetic.

Kix cleared his throat, wondering if he should crank the scanner high enough to scan for brain injuries, when Scorch turned back to him. He pulled off his gray and white commando helmet, grinned, and stuck out a hand. "Scorch."

"I gathered," Kix replied. "I'm Kix."

"Good, I'm in the right place," Scorch said, heaving an exaggerated sigh of relief as he began stripping off the rest of his armor. "But what is the best medic in the GAR doing attached to the 501st?"

"The best medic," Kix repeated skeptically, scanning the now de-armored commando.

"Oh, yeah. I've heard the stories," Scorch told him, eyes wide and sincere, though they sparkled with an edge of barely there mischief. "Granted, mostly from the pilot on the way here, but still."

"Troopers like to talk. And as for why the 501st…" Kix let some of his constant fond exasperation come through, "no one gets in more trouble or hurts themselves in stranger ways than them."

"And you like to treat them," Scorch summed up, the look on his face more intense than the situation called for. Kix was on-edge before the commando spoke again. "Makes you feel powerful, doesn't it? Makes you feel like you're better than them, more than just a regular trooper."

"Makes me feel like I've got one more living brother," Kix corrected sharply.

Scorch raised his hands in a gesture speaking of an innocence that his sparkling eyes belied. "Hey, I had to make sure you weren't one of those power-trip troopers."

Kix shook his head and silently went to gather the supplies he would need to treat his patient, unwilling to continue an insulting conversation. However, since the commando had started it… He turned to meet Scorch's eyes. "If we're asking uncomfortable questions, let me ask one."

Scorch made a beckoning gesture with his less-injured hand, as if he were inviting Kix to continue.

"Why do you sound different from every other trooper, but look exactly like the rest of us?" It was something he had been wondering since Scorch took off his helmet, but he had been too polite to ask. At least, until the commando had accused him of treating men for the ego boost. As if it did wonders for his ego to be vomited on, covered in blood, to need to help his brothers to the 'fresher, to hold their hands as they took their last breath-

"I'm an excellent mimic," Scorch answered, using Kix's own inflection. Kix stared at him steadily until he continued in his normal offbeat voice. "Sometimes, a situation calls for a voice to be different so we don't sound like normal clone troopers, no matter how much we look like them. Delta Squad is full of differences. Boss has a thicker accent than most native Mandalorians, Fixer has worked to speak the most pure Basic, and Sev's vocal cords are damaged. Me, I just talk this way because I want to."

"Yeah, you can never meet Hardcase," Kix muttered to himself, fighting a shudder at the ridiculous accent the 501st trooper would be sure to put on as a result.

"What was that?" Scorch asked.

"I said, oh excellent mimic, that you've bruised your ribs, pulled a hamstring, and most of the left side of your body will be covered in bruises for the next few weeks, maybe less if you can take a couple of days to rest up." Kix frowned down at the datapad showing the scanner's results. "You managed not to break anything, which is - frankly - a miracle."

"Commando armor," Scorch told him with a sharp rap on his chestplate, wincing as the movement strained his injuries.

"Bruised. Ribs." Kix repeated, biting the end off each word so that the commando would be sure to understand him. "I'll issue you some pain meds, but the most you can do to improve your recovery time is to sleep as much as possible and stay hydrated. Most importantly-"

Kix cut himself short as the medbay door opened and Scorch instinctively turned to see the new arrivals, hissing in pain at the twisting motion. "-don't twist or move your body in unusual ways," Kix finished, giving a perfunctory salute to the commando sergeant who stepped up to the bed.

"How is the patient?" the sergeant asked. Despite Scorch's overly casual manner, Kix had to admit that the commando had given an accurate description of his squadmates and their voices. This one with the thick Mando'a accent must be Boss.

With a shrug to answer the sergeant's question, Kix told him, "Not much I can do, actually."

"Told you those thermal dets would kill you some day," the rough-voiced Sev said to Scorch with no small amount of satisfaction.

"What? No," Kix told him, nettled by the idea that a patient of his could die from such minor injuries. "Scorch is covered in bruises and he pulled a few muscles. Nothing life-threatening, but they aren't injuries I can do much for. I'm issuing pain meds, but he could stand a few days of bed rest, sir."

Boss nodded while Scorch looked horrified. "I can't stay on bed rest!"

The last commando, the non-accented Fixer, sounded irritated by his squadmate. "Six-Two, you can't just choose which orders to follow. If Three-Eight says you're on bed rest, that's where you'll be unless you want a court-martial."

Scorch looked pleadingly at Kix. "I could die from my injuries, right, Kix? Even Fixer wouldn't try to boss around a dying brother."

"Er... " Kix trailed off, glancing around at the group of commandos. "Bruises have a notoriously low fatality rate, Scorch."

"I think his vocal cords may have been damaged," Sev observed. "Could you order a total lack of speaking for the foreseeable future? For medical reasons?"

"We'd make it worth your while," Fixer wheedled.

"Is it too late to say I don't want any visitors?" Scorch asked, though even that sounded like a joke.

"We probably should leave," Boss agreed, cutting through Sev and Fixer's gloating with a simple reminder of, "Lots of reports to write."

"Ugh. Really, sir? For a self-inflicted injury?"

"I was having a good day, Boss."

Before he left, Boss patted Scorch gently on the shoulder. "I'm glad you're okay, Scorch. Rest up or we'll leave you behind on our next mission."

"Kix?" Kix glanced over at the commando sergeant, one brow lifting in silent question. "Make sure he rests. Sedate him or strap him down if you need to."

With one last threatening look in Scorch's direction, Boss left the medbay. Kix silently held out the pain meds for Scorch, passing him a cup of water at the proper time.

"You're good to sleep now," Kix told the commando. "If the pain gets bad again, let me know and I'll increase your dosage."

Scorch nodded and had just settled back against the pillow when the medbay door opened and Kix's heart nearly stopped. He walked briskly to the front of the medbay, making small pushing motions at the new arrival. "Hardcase, get out of here. You're fine."

"You don't even know what's wrong yet," Hardcase pouted.

"Hardcase?" Scorch asked, sitting up with a manic interest gleaming in his eyes.

"Yeah?" Hardcase asked, leaning to peer around Kix's shoulder. "Whoa, a commando! I heard you guys get to deal with more explosives than anyone!"

"You ever juggled thermal detonators?" Scorch asked, giving Kix an innocent shrug when the medic glared.

"No!" Hardcase said, pushing past Kix to perch by Scorch's bedside, wearing a look of utter fascination.

In only moments, the two were swapping stories, each trying to outdo the other while both seemed impressed by the other's exploits. Kix groaned. Force willing, he wouldn't have much to do with Scorch after this, but he already expected a wild number of injuries in Hardcase's near future.

---

A/N - First off, I want to apologize to... well, just everyone. For those who are not familiar with Republic Commando, you're probably a bit confused about who these guys are and why they're here. I read a fic featuring the characters in a minor role and proceeded to inhale everything I could find with them in it. For those who are familiar with Republic Commando, I would like to apologize for any errors in characterization, background, etc. Sidebar: if you know of a good fic featuring Delta Squad, please share the name of it with me!

Please reblog this work! It helps me grow my readership!

#Nobody Listens to Kix #star wars the clone wars #star wars #republic commando #clone trooper kix #republic commando scorch #republic commando sev #republic commando fixer #republic commando boss #sergeant boss #clone trooper hardcase #clone troopers deserve better #one-shot #but part of a series #more to come #please reblog

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sleepless-in-starbucks · 4 years ago

Note

Hi could you talk more about why youd recommend not watching ww84?

Sure!

warnings for under the cut: spoilers for WW84 and a bit of the first wonder woman; i only saw WW84 once a few days ago + it’s been a hot sec since i saw the original so if i get a few details wrong i apologize

tl;dr with no spoilers: WW84 is a poorly executed movie that insults its viewer with its messy and self-proud plot, bad character/relationship portrayals, and offers a personal slap in the face to a majority of its audience in their various discriminations, generalizations, and plot points.

the first point is the racism, made well by the post i reblogged here, (edit: found a second post that goes more in depth here) so i’d just suggest looking at that for that matter

next is just How they portray wonder woman in this one

i really appreciated the way the first movie portrayed diana because they did very well in keeping true to her Amazonian raising and life while still clearly showing she was a woman

when i say this i mean that a lot of media has a tendency to either make women who are very fem and keep to traditional gender roles or women who more or less shun femininity and attempt to largely fulfill only male gender roles

diana in the original is a warrior, strong and fierce, but still a woman, not trying to shun that or anything. she wears styles that suit her while still being woman’s styles (she doesn’t force her way into a suit), she talks of and addresses her womanhood proudly and without issue, etc

i want to note here i have no issue with female characters who act extremely masc and reject femininity- i love them tbh- but it’s important to remember that it’s not inherently against womanhood or anything to be a strong fighter who doesn’t stick to every stereotypical social gender norm

and the first wonder woman movie shows this very well

WW84... oh boy

first of all, wonder woman’s changing outfits every other scene. even between scenes where it makes no sense! i’m not saying she can only wear one set of clothes but Geez this was too much

not to mention an entire scene dedicated to her helping steve pick a fashion look? i understand this was to highlight the ‘80-ness of the movie, and it would’ve been fine if it seemed diana was helping him pick a period appropriate look, but it was clear she was trying to help him pick a ‘fashionable’ look which. wonder woman? from the island without a sense of popular outfits or fashion? what?

and the amount of focus on her wearing high heels.... ugh

i’m not saying you can’t have a badass woman who also likes social gender norm fem things but it felt clear that wasn’t what they were going for

wonder woman in the first movie liked practical fashion and not only were many of her outfits not that, her high heels? one hundred percent not practical

it didn’t fit her character and felt horribly out of place, clearly just the producers / directors / whoever going ‘oh, wonder woman is a woman how can we show this? fashion! high heels!’ and i hated it

(warning: imma be jumping from thought to thought as they bump into each so uh... enjoy the train-of-thought style of flaw informing)

and starting at the beginning like.... wow that scene had no purpose

wonder woman cheats in a competition and is punished for this by losing it in the end. except. this is stupid for two reasons

as the audience is shown she didn’t cheat on purpose. she made a mistake, lost her horse, and made a strategy to get back into the race despite this. honestly? i thought the story was going to be a lesson in ingenuity in the worst looking situations. but it wasn’t, which is bad storytelling, because the lesson is then based on a point that isn’t even that true

it is literally Never important again later. unless you count what was going on with the wishstone as ‘cheating to victory’ which i dont. that’s not even what the villain did. he wanted to take over the world. there’s no victory there you get without cheating. wtf. why did that message even happen

going into the actual story we meet the cheetah pretty quick, when she’s still whatever-her-civilian-name-is

and the cheetah... she’s such a bad villain

she doesn’t have the same backstory as she does in the comics

in this one, she uses the wishstone- which is a whole ‘nother thing in and of itself- to wish to be like diana, because ig being smart as hell but social awkward as hell too is so bad you need to desperately wish to be someone else? i hate that trope, but onwards-

she gets that, but in exchange for not only diana’s likable personality she also gets her wonder woman powers (and she loses her glasses, because pretty and cool means no glasses, right? /s), she loses her kindness bc of the rules of the wishstone- in exchange for your wish, it takes smth u care about a lot from you; for her, it was her kindness

this makes her villain! just because she lost her kindness. yep. honestly not a good look regarding all those people out there who are low/no empathy and can still be wonderful nice people but i digress

at one point she complains about why she needs to keep her power rather than go back to being just Her and i fucking wanted to scream

she has like. half a dozen degrees, clearly a couple of friends even if she’s awkward, and she’s got a life that was perfectly okay before she made the wish. as someone who is also socially awkward as hell, it infuriated me to here her acting like it was the fucking end of the world she couldn’t be more extroverted or whatever. there are ways to work on that!!! the movie trying to convince the audience she had a legit reason to not un-wish her wish (for the good of the entire world) was stupid and insulting

also her transformation between ‘looks human, wearing cheetah-pattern clothing‘ to ‘humanoid with cheetah fur/skin/appearance’ literally just. happened. for no reason. that was stupid

y’know what else is stupid? the wishstone. it was clearly just a plot device, and a poorly executed one at that. it isn’t even consistent in how it works

and they did a whole side thing with like. how it had the language of the gods written on part of it and it appeared in random locations across history around the time of great tragedies and,,, that was it???

they never explored the divine connection??? who planted it or why??? how it location traveled or anything????

like i said. poor plot device

i move on now to steve

oh boy steve

he’s brought back to life by diana’s wish on the wishstone, but... it causes him to come back in someone else’s body, quantum leap style. this is. weird. and is never ever addressed by him or wonder woman except once in a throw away comment. like. diana and steve kiss and are implied to have sex while steve is in someone else’s body and neither of them seem to care. this is not good!!

and then his relationship with diana? HORRIBLE

in the first movie they were barely starting to fall in love, only barely a couple even if that. more importantly they were friends, and that night he died diana didn’t lose a potential lover so much as she lost her first non-Amazonian friend

but WW84 portrays their relationship as if they were not only already a couple, but one close enough that even after forty years since steve’s death diana is still completely and hopelessly in love with him to the point that she’s literally hanging off his arm as soon as he’s back and making love that very night

it plays again once more into the misrepresentation of wonder woman’s character (how stereotypically hollywood female to fall over herself at the sight of her love interest) and it wrecks their relationship, which had been a lovely friends-who-could-be-more

what they should’ve done was focus on that friendship, build it back up after the long gap for wonder woman, and then started to rebuild that possible romance (and tear it down at the perfect moment... right when steve had to go again... ah that would’ve been lovely)

but they wanted to go in full-haul on the romance and it just felt. wrong and weak to me. diana’s refusal to consider giving up her wish (to get her powers back and save the world) is bc she doesn’t want to let steve go again, which makes more sense in the context of a first and true friend rather than a hastily slapped together love interest

steve’s character was generally good tbh but the way he played into the story? bad

moving on... the main villain of the movie? sucks. he’s just. fucking awful

despite a motivation being given that he wants to have money, he launches into wanting to take over the world for no real reason. he takes advantage of people for this and almost destroys the world he wants to rule for it. the main reason he stops this is for his son, who up until now he largely ignored and didn’t seem to care that much for outside of basic obligations. and the movie dares try to make him sympathetic by throwing in the fact he grew up poor and was bullied and not liked which i HATE

lots of people are/have been poor. lots of people are/have been bullied (myself included). that does NOT justify them DESTROYING THE WORLD TRYING TO TAKE IT OVER. can it be used to show the audience why he does what he does? yes. but to use it and clearly try to make it a reason to hand-wave-away what he did? NO. FUCK NO

also fucking. y’know how wonder woman took down this villain? she talked to him and the world. she gave a stirring speech while she laid slumped against a wall, not injured, just too weak to beat a bit of wind. she talked and she looped her lasso around his leg so she could talk to the world to to convince them to give up their wishes

once again... the mischaracterization

in the first movie, wonder woman gives a stirring speech while fighting Areas. it’s done in her battle, beating the god of war up while reminding him of what she stood for, who she was, why she would keep fighting for a broken world

it was BEAUTIFUL. it was MEANINGFUL. it was BADASS but SINCERE

this was weak. and it clearly wanted to be more than it was

the whole movie wants to be more than it is- it wants to have an important meaningful message like the first movie, about wishes for the self and war and the world and whatever. and it wants it so badly it does it horribly

the message is ham-handed yet messy and unclear and not right. it doesn’t make sense, and it feels poorly plotted. the movie thinks it’s more than it is and that makes it very hard to watch

and to finish my rant off... WW84 lied to its audience

did you see any ads for WW84? i did. they were bright, vibrant, funky music, stunning moments, action and intrigue. i was thrilled for a movie like it

the actual movie isn’t that

it’s not nearly as action filled, it’s not as ‘80s-focused as it leads you to believe, some of the most prominently featured moments barely matter

the lightning swing? pointless, as at that point in the movie wonder woman’s learned how to fly and does it for no reason but the trailers

and that cool suit? introduced in a random myth for no reason halfway through the movie, brought in at random with no explanation, only there for show and the trailers

WW84 is not the movie is lead people to believe it was, and the movie it is is poorly executed and insulting to a variety of peopler/minorities

if you’re gonna watch it, pirate it. i can give you a link. just don’t give dc your money or your legit views for it

#that got long #but what can i say? im passionate about my bad movies #and ww84?#that was a bad movie #if anyone wants clarification on smth let me know #wonder woman 1984 #ww84 #ww84 spoilers #the cryptid speaks #lost in the fray

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monsterywriting · 4 years ago

Text

Maledos - pt 1

masterlist

This is a rewrite. Read the original parts here, here and here

word count: 7,381 (!!!)

AN: i have really wanted to finish this story, but the original wasn’t really well planned out (and reading my old writing was :/) SO i decided to make one GIANT rewrite of the originals and continue from there. i mostly added on to what was already there with some minor changes so the story would make more sense and just add some extra bits :) the originals will be taken off the master list but will still be linked here.

Everything burned as you raced through the streets of your neighborhood, frantically searching for your dog. Your legs and lungs were screaming from the workout you’d only just finished and your eyes stung with the threat of tears from your panic.

Of course Pumpkin would take off after the two of you had just come back from running on the park trails, only seconds away from entering the safety of your apartment building when a car backfired nearby and scared her.

You called her name out in desperation, though you knew she was probably long gone from the area. You had only just moved into the city recently and neither her or you were familiar enough with the area to not get lost.

You bit your thumbnail anxiously. Pumpkin wouldn’t last a minute out on the streets by herself, exposed to the elements. She was sensitive, scared of her own shadow when it was cast on a wall. Not to mention, the weather forecast for the night called for thunderstorms, dark clouds already gathering overhead to block the afternoon sun.

“Hey, kid, need some help?”

You almost don’t realize the stranger is talking to you, too preoccupied in your own worry to pay much attention to your surroundings. Once you do, however, you’re too relieved at the display of kindness to correct the tiefling that you were actually an adult.

Your potential savior towered over you, well over 6’ even without including his horns that curled back over his head, average for a tiefling but giant in comparison to your short figure. His skin was a fiery red and he was dressed in all black - a nice dress shirt tucked into slim-fitting trousers that accentuated his buff figure nicely. The most striking part of his outfit, however, was the leather biker jacket with an unfamiliar emblem of a stag surrounded by brambles. Had you been in your right mind, you may have also taken in his short-cropped black hair, bright yellow eyes, strong nose and jawline, nice full lips - in short, handsome, model-like, statuesque, hot, all terms you may have used to describe him if you weren’t preoccupied with finding your dog.

He also looked fairly annoyed with you, though you decided to attribute it as his resting face since he had obviously taken the time to come out of his way to stop and help you.

“Uhm- yes, my dog, Pumpkin,” you explained breathlessly, hardly able to focus as you continued to look around for a familiar flash of fur, “she took off while I was unlocking my apartment building’s door! We just got back from the park!”

Maledos appraised the tiny human with an eyebrow raised. He was still debating whether to actually go out of his way for you, his question more rhetorical than anything else, expecting the person to wave away a stranger rather than roping them into their problem.

Based on the owner, however, he figured ‘Pumpkin’ was a chihuahua. Or a Pomeranian; something small and fluffy that surely couldn’t have gotten far. It wouldn’t take long to find the little rascal, so he didn’t mind potentially being a few minutes late to work.

“I’ll walk with you and help you look,” he offered. You certainly didn’t look like you were a resident of the neighborhood, and at the grateful look you gave him as you eagerly accepted, you had probably been worried about wandering around the predominantly orcish neighborhood alone.

Maledos came to regret not minding his own business, however, as those few minuets stretched into an hour of searching every single alleyway, dumpster and parked car they came across and he had long since missed the window to get out of this mess. Valbaugh was definitely going to kill him once he finally showed up.

You, on the other hand, were laser-focused on finding your dog, nervously looking up at the darkening sky every so often and hoping that she was hunkered down somewhere and not running in the busy intersections.

After entering yet another alley while you checked under parked cars, Maledos squatted down to look under a store’s dumpster, careful not to get his shoes or pants in any of the unidentifiable dumpster juice leaking from a crack in the metal but eventually forced to place his hands on the pavement to peer underneath the gap, internally cursing at the definite crease in his leather shoes. He stood up, glancing down the mostly empty alley and catching a glimpse of brown fur disappearing behind some smaller trashcans.

Praying its your dog and not a stray so he can leave, Maledos approaches, intent on grabbing the dog and swiftly returning it to you. Moving the trashcan and expecting to see a tiny fluff ball, his gaze was instead met with that of a giant pitfall, its expression decidedly murderous. Its muscles flexed impressively underneath its reddish-brown pelt and its studded pink leather harness only added to the fearsome image before him. He scrambled out of the way, about to yell at you to run when you suddenly let out a screech and called out Pumpkin’s name again, this time in joy, crouching down and holding your arms open.

The pit ran past him and barreled into you, nearly knocking you over with the force of the collision. Standing up, you lifted Pumpkin with barely a grunt - an impressive feat in and of itself - and peppered her face with kisses as Maledos stood awkwardly out of the way of the touching reunion.

Finally setting the dog down, you grabbed the leash that had been trailing behind her and began thanking Maledos profusely as the two of you walked down the street and back to your starting point.

“Thank you again,” you repeated as you walked your now definite savior, sincere in your gratitude even if he’d been a grouch the entire time, “I only moved here a month ago and I was so worried I’d get lost!”

You gestured to the specific building down the road, evidently having no issue with telling him your address. In fact, the entire time Maledos had been with you alone in isolated parts of the neighborhood, you didn’t seem the least bit bothered by the fact that he, a complete stranger, may well have been a serial killer.

But more pressingly, Maledos realized the apartment building you pointed to was his own. Another surprise - you were apparently his neighbor.

As Maledos tuned out your rambling, he took the time to fully examine you. You obviously weren’t a little kid as Maledos had originally thought, but were incredibly short - you couldn’t be more than 5’. You were dressed in workout clothes, which was to be expected if you had just left the park as you told him. You spoke animatedly, your eyes and facial expression giving away every fluctuation in emotion while your hands waved about, even as he didn’t pay attention, he could guess you were recounting the moments leading up to you losing your dog - who was walking calmly in between you and him with her tongue lolling out the side of her mouth, seemingly the exact opposite of her spaz of an owner.

“I just don’t know how to repay you,” you finished as you finally reached the front of the apartment building, gulping down a deep breath before looking expectantly at Maledos.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said gruffly, continuing down the street in the direction he’d originally been going before the over hour-long deviation from his routine. Glancing at the time, he realized just how much time had elapsed and cursed under his breath, Valbaugh no doubt fuming at the bar.

“Well, I hope to see you around!” You called after him, certain he didn’t catch your name even as you shouted it as loudly as you dared in a residential neighborhood.

Maledos doesn’t turn around, not bothering to acknowledge your friendliness, knowing you wouldn’t last long in the neighborhood - no matter how tough your dog looked.

You, meanwhile, turn to look down at Pumpkin, the dog whining as she pulled on her leash to go inside. You quickly acquiesce, rushing to unlock the door just as the first raindrops began to fall on the sidewalk where you’d just been standing.

It wasn’t until after you reached your apartment and threw yourself on your bed in exhaustion that the gravity of the entire situation hit you. You could have lost Pumpkin for far longer than the time it took to find her had that tiefling not found her. And only now did you realize you never caught his name, though as you hugged Pumpkin close in your bed with emotional tears streaming down your face, you felt incredibly indebted to him, whoever he was.

You don’t remember falling asleep like that, though you must have as you’re forcibly shaken awake by your roommate facedown on your bed with your shoes still on your feet hanging off the edge and Pumpkin stretched out along your side. In your surprise, you suddenly shot up, effectively scaring the daylights out of Kharza, which in turn scared Pumpkin passed out next to you.

Checking your phone, you were shocked to find it was already 4 o’clock in the afternoon and outside your window the storm was in full force, the occasional rumble of thunder in the distance as giant raindrops sounding like hail pelted the windows.

Kharza flicked your forehead and pouted as her other hand reached over to scratch Pumpkin’s ear to soothe her, “Don’t scare me like that! What the hell happened to you? I’ve been calling you all afternoon.”

“Pumpkin got spooked by some car backfiring today and took off,” you explained, apologizing before getting into the whole spiel of what had transpired, wondering just how much to reveal to Kharza of the grumpy tiefling who came to your aid in case it made for an awkward interaction later, “Somebody did stop and help me, though. I don’t know if he lives nearby but if it wasn’t for him I probably wouldn’t have found Pumpkin.”

Kharza’s expression had grown increasingly grim as she absorbed the story, concerned about what could have happened to either one of you while running around the city’s busy streets alone. Rather than lecture you for not being more careful when you were so clearly shaken up about what had happened still, Kharza instead turned to Pumpkin and mock-scolded her in a baby voice, making you laugh at Pumpkin getting excited by Kharza’s tone alone.

You’ve known the half-orc since you were both in diapers, growing up in the same small town together - and keeping in touch even after she went to college in the much larger city - meant that she knew how important Pumpkin was to you and exactly what you needed to relieve the tension you felt.

“I’m glad you found her quickly,” Kharza said as she got up and walked to your bedroom door, “but hurry up and jump in the shower. We’re going out for drinks tonight.”

“What about the rain?” You asked, looking out the window at the seemingly endless torrent. You couldn’t even see the street below through the thick sheet of rain.

“I already checked the weather. It should be done by 7 so we can head out at 10,” Kharza insisted confidently, “I need a drink after being called in on a Saturday and you need to get out of your little new resident bubble. Bring out the party animal you from our high school days, huh?”

You chuckled along at the memory, somewhat embarrassed but acquiescing with her invitation out, knowing that despite coming out as a demand, she would have no problem if you declined. You supposed Kharza was right in that you had been in something of a slump since moving to the city and away from home - not going anywhere besides your job, the park with Pumpkin and the apartment. You didn’t know anyone here, and hadn’t really made the effort to get to know them.

You thought once you started your job you could get to know your co-workers, but the office you worked at was much larger than you thought and the cubicles kept everyone fairly separate, making it hard for you to really get friendly with anyone. Tonight would be the perfect opportunity for you to meet Kharza’s other friends and perhaps make some of your own.

Still, you were apprehensive standing in front of your closet wrapped only in your towels just hours later. It had taken you hours to convince yourself that Pumpkin would be okay alone, the thunderstorm long past and snoring loudly on your bed after going out to use the bathroom, and now you couldn’t help but agonize over what to wear. On one hand, it was your first time going out with Kharza in a long while and you wanted to go all out. On the other, you didn’t want to be stuck wearing uncomfortable clothes all night long.

Finally, you decided to go halfway, picking out a nice top but comfortable jeans, nice shoes but slipping an extra pair of sneakers into your bag just in case. Once you’re satisfied with your pick in clothes, you decided to leave your hair as it was out the shower, only blowdrying it briefly without brushing it out.

With your outfit complete, you grabbed your bag and keys and went out into the living room where Kharza was waiting to head out, though not before you both hyped the other’s outfit. She thankfully also went with a more casual outfit, wearing a pink crop top with a short jean skirt and black heeled boots. Her long, dark hair flowed down her back in loose waves, untamed but not entirely wild, which it usually was when she took it out her work braid. Kharza had been in the process of putting on her jean jacket to complete her look when you exited your room, and as soon as she was ready, you both left.

“What’s the name of the place again?” You asked as you both walked down the empty sidewalk looking for what Kharza claimed was ‘the best bar in town’ and ‘just down the street.’

“The sign doesn’t really match the name, but it’s named after the owner,” Kharza explained, directing you to cross the street at an intersection, “Mal’s.”

You heard the place before you saw it, the patio completely full even after the sudden rain left everything drenched. Though what made your drop was when you approached and recognized the sign, the familiar crest with the stag surrounded by brambles.

You kept your mouth shut, however, as Kharza led you inside through the crowd to a large corner filled with people of all kinds - a couple of orcs and elves, a satyr and a dryad who jumped up smiling and immediately enveloped you in a hug as Kharza introduced you to everyone else.

After brief introductions, you and Kharza head to the bar and you somehow managed to order your favorite beer from the absolutely colossal orc bartender despite the place being completely hammered.

Once you both return to the booth cradling your drinks, you get settled at the edge across from Kharza, you quickly get comfortable, engaging in the conversation with ease, the coincidence of the sign slipping from your mind as you laughed along with everyone.

Kharza always said you had a knack for making friends ever since you insisted on being her friend even when everyone else in kindergarten was wary of her as a half-orc and even went so far as to convince everyone else in your class that she was quote - the coolest and prettiest friend ever. However, tonight you had to attribute your easy assimilation with Kharza’s city friends to her having apparently talked their ears off about you, her best friend back home - including the story of how you became friends. A nice circle, you thought.

Less than an hour later, a familiar face appeared from the midst of the crowd, making you freeze in the middle of listening to the dryad, Nitidea, talk at length about their day. The newcomer squeezed in next to you, making you freeze where you were. Everyone in the group shouted over the crowd to greet the person next to you, all of them referring to him as Mal.

You don’t look up, caught by surprise and stunned into silence at the sudden appearance of the tiefling you met only a couple hours earlier with the most sour expression you’d ever seen on anyone now smiling so widely you were nearly blinded by his sharp, pearly whites. You do note that the smile does falter once his eyes finally met yours as ‘Mal’ realized not only was he sitting right next to you, but the arm he’d so carelessly draped around the person next to him was also you.

“So you were the new roommate Kharza’s been talking about,” Maledos said quietly, recovering from his initial shock with record speed once the rest of the table’s conversation shifted back to what it had been before he arrived, carefully taking his arm off you and pretending to reach for his drink while flashing a quick smile to everyone else, “I wasn’t expecting you to be…”

“Human?” You chuckle as you took a small sip of your own beer, not wanting to get buzzed too quickly, “and I wasn’t expecting the person who went out of their way to help a stranger look for their lost dog to be named Mal.”

“Maledos,” he clarified just a little too quickly, thanking the gods above that he was too red to noticeably blush as you laughed, though he wasn’t sure why he was so damn nervous in his own bar, though he suspected it may have something to do with the intensity of the stare Kharza was giving him from the other side of the table.

“Thanks again for today, I really do appreciate it,” you turn serious for a brief moment, noticing Maledos’ discomfort, which you presumed to be from how standoffish he’d been when you first met, deciding to try and ease the tension now that you apparently had mutual friends.

Giving Maledos one last nod of appreciation, you turned to rejoin the booth’s conversation, the tiefling soon loosening up as well as you pointedly didn’t make a big deal out of his entirely different demeanor.

Most of the group had never lived outside of the city and urged you to tell them more about living in “the country” since Kharza only ever went on about how boring it was - downplaying just how wild it could be growing up in a small, half-suburb-half-farmland town could be when kids were left to make their own fun.

As you were in the middle of telling your highly engaged audience about the specifics of the after-prom house party at one of the football players’ houses your senior year, the bartender appeared and quietly extracted Maledos from the group. You glanced up as he left, conscious of the sudden loss of the body next to you but continuing the story with Kharza inputting her own memories of the event.

Some indiscernible amount of time later, you found yourself struggling to get through the crowd and to the bar to order another beer for yourself. Once you finally are able to get the bartender’s - Valbaugh, you overhear a nearby patron call him - attention and get your order in, you noticed Maledos a few feet away talking with another group of people, once again amazed by how different he could be, though you supposed since he was at work he couldn’t exactly be Mr. Resting Bitch Face, an assessment you were now comfortable with making now that you knew that wasn’t how he normally looked.

Just as you paid for your drink and were about to turn away with it, Maledos glanced up and you both made eye contact. You smiled and gave a small wave with your free hand, but instead of returning the gesture, Maledos said something to the people he was talking to and began walking over to you. Neither one of you spoke as Maledos ordered a whiskey and when he gave no indication that he was going to speak while you both drank, you finally decided to break the silence yourself.

“You need that stiff a drink to talk to me?” You quipped, already kicking yourself mentally as it seemed to have the opposite effect than you intended, Maledos attempting to explain himself rather than lightening the mood, “I was kidding, Mal. This isn’t a interrogation.”

“Right,” Maledos cleared his throat, downing the rest of his drink, “Sorry, I’m not usually- I just really didn’t expect to see you again, much less with my friends. No offense.”

“None taken. I get it,” you smile, truly not offended as you figured that was just Maledos’ personality with with people he wasn’t close to, deciding to extend the olive branch of friendship first, “So… Kharza tells me you’re the mysterious neighbor I’ve never seen around the apartment before.”

“Yeah, I’m usually here all night and just knock out once I get home,” Maledos finally relaxed, falling into easy conversation with you once he imagined he was speaking to a potential regular customer, “I come and go at odd hours, so most people with normal work schedules wouldn’t exactly run into me.”

“I’m not envious of the all nighters but it sounds nice to have days for yourself,” you marveled, “so how’d you decide you wanted to own a bar?”

“I inherited it from my mom, actually. It’s named after her, too,” Maledos explained, handing his empty glass to Valbaugh and holding up two fingers, “When she opened it, the city was still pretty segregated between the different races. She wanted to have a space that was a neutral zone.”

“Well, it definitely fits the vision she had,” you smile, turning in your chair to take a full look at the diverse crowd in a new light.

“Well, what about you?” Maledos inquired.

“What about me?”

“Why the sudden switch to big city living?” He pressed, “I mean, I get Kharza’s old roommate sucked but that’s hardly a reason to move halfway across the country.”

“You’re right,” you snort, “I was already offered a job here when Kharza told me she needed a new roommate. The pay’s good and the rent was in my budget, so I decided to just bite the bullet and come out here—”

“With Pumpkin,” Maledos finished, chuckling as you beamed at him and nodded enthusiastically in agreement. You had a nice smile, he thought offhandedly, “I’m not gonna lie - seeing that giant dog when I was expecting a chihuahua almost gave me a heart attack.”

“A chihuahua?!” You feigned indignation, the corners of your lips threatening to turn up into a smile, “I’ll have you know a lady of my stature needs a dog to match.”

At that, Maledos burst out into laughter as he commented you probably had to scale the bar stool you were sitting on when you sat down, which finally broke your own serious expression and you both were laughing uncontrollably. The rest of the night passes in a blur, you and Maledos talking at length about anything and everything with only occasional interruptions as other patrons of the bar came to say goodbye to Maledos before leaving.

“I was totally surprised to find out you were so talkative… and smile-y,” you admitted, only a little tipsy after cutting yourself off on your third beer since sitting down, “I mean, you hardly said two words to me all afternoon.”

“Yeah, I’m kind of an asshole before people get to know me, or so I’m told,” Maledos admitted, slightly embarrassed that after making so many assumptions about you, he was now actually enjoying an entire conversation with you.

At some point, Kharza comes looking for you, everyone else heading out. The orc was giving you a familiar look, one you pretend not to recognize or notice. You were shocked you’d spent so long talking to Maledos after telling everyone you were just going to buy a single beer. Maledos glanced down at his watch, looking just as dumbfounded as you.

“Shit, it’s already closing,” Maledos frowned, “Valbaugh, why didn’t you announce last call?”

“I did,” the bartender replied, rolling his eyes, though the grin on his face indicated he wasn’t truly annoyed as he added teasingly, “I guess you were too preoccupied to notice.”

You and Kharza burst out laughing as Maledos’ tail, which had up until then been lazily swishing behind him, stood straight up as he began sputtering indignantly.

“Well, we’re going to head out,” Kharza said, dropping her hands on your shoulder and about to lead you away from the bar when something finally dawns on you.

“Oh, since we’re neighbors we should exchange numbers!” You said quickly, rummaging around in your bag for your phone and completely missing the looks Valbaugh and Kharza shot Maledos.

“Don’t feel too special,” Kharza warned sarcastically, “she also got Ms. Lalshur’s and Mrs. Umekrana’s numbers the first week she moved in.”

Valbaugh snorted, but Maledos’ pointed ears perked up at the second name, “I understand Ms. Lalshur, she talks to everyone… but I’ve lived there for almost five years and Mrs. Umekrana hasn’t said more than ten words to me. And they were ‘quit making all that fucking racket on the stairs every night’.”

You bite back a smile at the jab at your cranky neighbor, handing Maledos your phone so he could add his number to your contacts and taking his offered phone in return, “she’s nice once you get to know her. But it didn’t hurt that I was able to fix her sewing machine for her the day I met her…”

After saying your final goodbyes to both Maledos and Valbaugh, you and Kharza walked back to your apartment, Kharza wasting no time interrogating you about your apparently two hour long conversation with the tiefling as soon as you exited the bar. What did you two talk about? Did he pay for your drinks? Was he flirting with you? And, most importantly, do you like him?

You barely manage to keep up with the barrage of questions, and the last question nearly makes you choke on your own spit at its abruptness. As far as Kharza knows, you’ve only just met Maledos tonight at the bar, and while it is too soon to discern any deeper feelings, you can’t deny that you had fun spending time with him, or that he was incredibly attractive. However, you reason, it wasn’t ideal to date within a friend group, especially when you had no one else you knew - if things even got that far. Frankly, you would probably just embarrass yourself developing a crush on Maledos.

In any case, it would be more trouble than what it’s worth for everyone involved and you immediately decided it would be best to avoid that road altogether, firmly denying any feelings when Kharza asked.

…

A month passed quickly since your first night at the bar. It was the go-to hangout spot for Kharza and her friends, so it was a given once you became a part of the group that you would hang out there often as well, which meant even more interactions with Maledos - the only time you’d see him despite living across the hall from each other. And whenever you went to the bar, the two of you would inevitably take up each other’s time and attention, a fact Kharza loves to claim as proof of something deeper going on between you, entirely convinced that the two of you were sneaking behind everyone’s backs no matter how often you point out that your very average conversations were nowhere near the proclamations of undying love she imagined.

Rather than convince Kharza that nothing was happening - which it wasn’t - it always managed to set her off in a long speech about how dense you were and how you wouldn’t recognize Maledos’ feelings for you if he got down on one knee before you in front of everyone, to paraphrase.

While you couldn’t deny that Maledos was attractive to your best friend, who would easily see through such blatant lies knowing full well your ‘type’ had remained largely unchanged since you were teenagers, you still stood by your decision not to complicate the dynamics of the group with undoubtedly unrequited feelings. It was just downright unlikely that a hot, successful business owner who met hundreds of people every week through his job would find you of all people particularly interesting. Especially considering the fact that Maledos hadn’t given you any sort of indication that he wanted to be anything more than friends, no matter what Kharza said about the ‘subtleties of love.’

Despite your conviction whenever you told Kharza she was reading too much into things, but that didn’t stop the part of your pride that reared its head whenever she inadvertently stroked your ego with claims that some small action showed Maledos secretly was crushing on you. Despite it feeling so very high school, it was still an addicting rush to think so and didn’t help your burgeoning feelings for the tiefling every time you saw him.

After a particularly long day at work - a visit by an important client for the company you worked for requiring all hands on deck as your boss had everyone bending over backwards for them - you fell asleep almost immediately after getting home, only taking Pumpkin out to use the bathroom by your apartment building before passing out and even bailing on Friday night drinks with everyone. So when at almost 6 in the morning Pumpkin’s whining at your bedroom door to be taken out woke you up, you rushed to get changed and take her for a much needed walk, feeling terrible for depriving her of her evening walk.

You went to the park a couple blocks away, sitting on a bench in the small dog park while you watched Pumpkin excitedly sniff around. Despite sleeping well over eight hours, you still somehow nod off, not even realizing you do until you felt someone tapping on your shoulder, eliciting a shrill scream from you.

“Gods above that was loud. And here I was trying to save you from falling off a bench,” you recognized Maledos’ teasing voice right away, twisting around in your seat to look at him leaning over the fence as Pumpkin jumped onto the bench next to you for ear scratches.

“Are you barely coming back from the bar?” You stifle a yawn behind your hand, grinning as you watched Maledos easily scale the fence to sit next to you, still apparently full of energy even after pulling an all-nighter at the bar. He was wearing the leather jacket with the bar’s logo on it - the one article of clothing you had yet to see him without in all the time you’d known him - but now he wore a plain black shirt, jeans and white sneakers as opposed to the dressier clothes he’d been wearing when you met.

“Yeah, Fridays are always our busiest nights so I usually have to stay until the next morning,” Maledos sighed, draping himself over you melodramatically with one arm thrown over his face in mock despair, “I was bored all night without you there. Why did you leave me all alone?”

“Oh, I’m sure you were absolutely lonely in the bar surrounded by 800 of your closest friends,” you snarked, nudging Maledos in his side to get him off. You stifle down your soaring emotions at his remarks, knowing that Maledos’ words were far from flirtatious.

You had long since realized that the tiefling was very much like a cat in that respect - an aloof brick wall to those he didn’t know but incredibly needy with those he was close to - though you couldn't help the swell of pride that came with thought that he preferred having you around over anyone else. It certainly didn’t help dampen your growing crush on the man.

“And what are you doing sitting around in a dimly lit park this early?” Maledos asked, finally sitting up but still draping his arms around the back of the bench.

“I fell asleep early and didn’t get a chance to walk her,” you replied, placing both palms on either side of Pumpkin’s face and squishing the excess skin, making the dog grow so excited her whip-like tail began swinging right dangerously close to Maledos’ arm, “but when else would I be able to run into my night owl of a neighbor?”

Maledos snorted, the two of you beginning to joke around with each other while you sat, mostly about a certain couple on the first floor who was seemingly constantly arguing. You thought it was just in the middle of the night, but Maledos assured you they also kept him up during the day when all he wanted to do was sleep.

As the sky rapidly lightened overhead, Pumpkin started tugging on her leash in your hand, a sign that she was ready to go. Maledos walked with you through the park and back towards the apartment building in a comfortable silence, Pumpkin sticking close to Maledos’ side since he pet her while you walked.

“Oh yeah, Ms. Lalshur tells me you baked her the best cookies she’s ever tasted when you first moved in,” Maledos mentioned as he held the building door open for you, “gotta admit I feel a little left out.”

“I gave some to everyone on our floor, but somebody never answered their door when I knocked,” you said as you started up the stairs with Pumpkin.

“Y’know, I think I remember looking through my peephole and seeing a girl scout once…” Maledos tapped his finger on his cheek while feigning a contemplative look, though he was soon doubling over in laughter as you shoved him for the jab, though he doesn’t even budge.

“Well you can forget tasting any of my baking skills, mister,” you scoffed, turning as though you were going to stomp to your apartment door.

“Hold on, I’m sorry, please give me—shit!” Maledos tried to follow behind you, but neither of you noticed Pumpkin standing between you, the large tiefling falling forward as he tried to avoid hurting her and stumbling over his own feet.

Maledos fortunately caught himself on the wall, effectively caging you between his muscular arms as he hunched over you, your faces mere centimeters apart just short of a collision that would have surely left you both concussed - you worse if his horns had knocked into you.

You let out a chuckle to try and ease the tension, but it comes out too airy, made worse as you tried to joke, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you tripped on purpose, Mal.”

Maledos’ expression softened at the nickname you so rarely used for him in favor of his full name despite how universal it was for everyone else. He broke into a small grin, beginning to say something when the door across the hall slammed open and Mrs. Umekrana walked out into the hall with her trash in one hand and a cigarette in another, interrupting.

“You can’t keep it in your fucking pants until you get into your apartment, Maledos?” She muttered, continuing towards the stairs and taking a long drag that somehow doesn’t set off any of the smoke detectors.

The two of you watched the willowy-looking drow disappear down the stairwell like deer in headlights, the moment quickly hurtling towards uncomfortable.

“I didn’t know Mrs. Umekrana even knew my name,” Maledos said weakly, the first to break the silence as he quickly stepped away from you and loudly cleared his throat.

You were still struggling to catch your breath, not wanting to sound too flustered when you finally responded, though you were fortunately spared from the awkward situation as Pumpkin began whining to go inside beside you.

“It was good seeing you, Maledos,” you said with an only slightly strained smile, unlocking your apartment door and waving one last time before finally shutting the door and able to let out a deep breath you weren’t aware you were holding.

Your mind and heart were racing as you took off Pumpkin’s harness, relieved Kharza was such a heavy sleeper. Obviously unable to sleep after that, you tossed and turned in your bed as you wondered what would have happened - if anything at all - had Mrs. Umekrana hadn’t decided to take out her trash at that very moment.

Finally giving up on sleep, you got up and ventured into the kitchen, Pumpkin not moving from her spot on the bed. It was already 9 o’clock, which meant if your started baking now you could be done in an hour.

You quickly set to work, gathering all the necessary ingredients from the pantry and refrigerator while the oven preheated. Rather than make cookies, you decide to go with brownies since they were much easier to prepare.

Kharza wandered into the kitchen after you’ve already set the pan of mix in the oven, futilely pushing back her bedhead as she watched you pretend to scroll through your phone and look at anywhere but her while you sat at the dining table.

“Brownies? Who’re you bringing out the big guns for?” Kharza yawned as she leaned on the island counter with her chin resting on her palm.

“I’m not bringing out anything,” you replied, pressing the oven light to watch the brownies’ progress despite only just putting it in, keeping your voice even as you nonchalantly add “I’m just making Maledos some brownies.”

“Oh, Maledos, I should have known.” You don’t even need to look up to know Kharza was wiggling her eyebrows with a knowing smirk, her tone saying it all.

You don’t bother to make a reply, any defense of your actions only feeding into her conviction. You definitely could not tell Kharza about what had transpired hours earlier - no matter how badly you needed her advice on the matter. It would only make her more convinced that you and Maledos were an item and Kharza would no doubt tease Maledos with the information, which would make it obvious you were overthinking things with him when nothing actually happened and you couldn’t risk Maledos finding out your feelings like that.

By the time Kharza left on her morning jog with Pumpkin, you had already taken the brownies out the oven and placed the pan in the fridge to cool before cutting them into squares. After stacking two thirds of them onto a plate and sending a quick text to Maledos about coming over, you leave your apartment to go down the hall.

It took you a minute of pacing back and forth in front of his door to gather up the courage to knock, praying that Maledos was even awake. However, before your lifted hand can even make contact with the door, it was swinging open, Maledos standing before you before you can even jump from the sudden movement, your mouth slack in surprise.

“I- uh- got your text,” Maledos explained, standing aside to let you inside. He had changed into a plain white t-shirt and sweats, his hair still dripping obviously fresh from a shower.

As you walked into the apartment, you were struck by how different it appeared from your and Kharza’s, even with the exact same layout and fixtures. The interior definitely suited Maledos - a lot of steel grays with black splashed here and there, all very modern. The entire apartment was impeccable, ripped straight from a catalogue, a show apartment for tours rather than a home and definitely not one lived in for the last five years. However, it made sense considering Maledos spent most of his free time in the apartment sleeping, the rest in the bar, so it was a given the apartment wouldn’t be messy.

You set the plate down on the kitchen counter, nearly running face to chest into Maledos when you turned around just as he was reaching around you for a piece.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, ducking around him and not looking at Maledos as you felt your cheeks burning. In turn, you missed how Maledos turned to watch you make your way to his bookshelf, reading the spines but not daring to move your hands from your sides lest you mess up the order of everything.

Unbeknownst to you, Maledos had also been unable to sleep after the almost-something in the hallway. He had laid in his bed, wide awake and texting his older sister, who had been less than pleased to be woken up so early on a Saturday but easily placated with the news that Maledos of all people was having girl troubles.

He had been surprised as well. For years running the bar had been his life, everything else put on the back burner to that goal. He was good at that. Successful, even. But in romance, short flings and one night stands were his forte, not pining over his neighbor or a friend’s best friend - in your case, both. You were growing increasingly important to him and he knew for a fact you didn’t deserve having to deal with his ineptitude in longterm relationships. You were someone who baked cookies for your neighbors in your free time and helped old ladies fix their ancient singer sewing machines. You just came over with a plate full of brownies just because he mentioned he wanted to try your baking that morning.

Not to mention he would be risking your friendship if you didn’t even feel the same way. There was simply too much at stake for him, preferring to keep his feelings closely guarded and never acted on.

But all that care and caution was all thrown out the moment he would see you - just as he had this morning while walking back home from the bar. He had needed to rest, wake up before noon and go back to do the expenses. Instead, he found himself already walking over to you and tapping your shoulder, reveling in how all drowsiness dissipated from your expression upon seeing him and the way the corners of your eyes crinkled as you flashed him the widest grin - unconscientious, unabashed in wearing your heart on your sleeve.

“Maledos?” You asked again, jumping up to wave your hand in front of his eyes and drawing him back to reality, “You were spacing out pretty hard. Are you okay?”

“Of course!” It came out too forced, you certainly looked unconvinced. He laughed sheepishly, “Sorry, the all nighters are starting to get to me. What happened?”

“I said Kharza and I were going to go for drinks tonight since we didn’t get a chance to go out last night,” you reiterated, curious of what he had been thinking but respecting his decision not to share, “Maybe you could go with us? I think you could definitely use a night off. You seem tired. Get away from the bar for a night, scope out the competition. I’m sure Valbaugh and the others can hold down the fort.”

The concern you showed for him made a surge of emotion rise up in Maledos, bringing forth a wide smile before he could stop himself, agreeing to go with you. And Kharza.

“Great,” you clapped your hands together in excitement, heading towards the door with a wave, “See you tonight, then. I’ll text you.”

“See you tonight,” Maledos repeated back, returning you wave and standing in the middle of his foyer for a good five minutes after you’d closed the door behind you.

His phone alarm finally sounded, rousing him from his stupor rather than a nap and telling him it was time to go back to the bar. Dismissing it, Maledos opened up his recent calls and dialed Valbaugh to let him know he would be taking the night off.

#exophilia #tiefling #monster boyfriend #reader insert

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databoyreekoo · 4 years ago

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thoughts on khmom

this thread contains spoilers for khmom, you have been warned

long story short; i loved it

i’ve always been indifferent about kairi. i don’t like her, but i don’t hate her either. honestly, it’s hard to have any sort of opinion on her when her presence in the story is severely lacking...especially compared to other female characters like aqua, xion and namine, who are all developed and well-rounded. but that’s the thing...it’s just kairi. fans like to jump to “nomura doesn’t know how to write female characters and will never give his female characters anything” when in reality, kairi is just poorly written. (i’d like to add that i’m not saying there aren’t any flaws in the way nomura writes his female characters, but this issue is exclusive to kairi as far as kh is concerned). i mean...even larxene and ava have more depth than kairi, and they haven’t even been featured in as many games as her. this is frustrating for those who already like her, and for those who want to like her. yet...it’s been kinda obvious that nomura a) didn’t really know what to do with her post kh1, and/or b) doesn’t particularly enjoy writing for her.

between kh1, kh2 and ddd, kairi showed only a smidgeon of her desire to fight for and help her friends. however, these moments were immediately countered by her waiting on the islands for sora and riku to return, her getting kidnapped, her getting manipulated by xehanort (and other orgxiii members)...or her getting killed. in kh3, her training was left in the hands of a wizard...not a keyblade master. and yes, even though time doesn’t exist in the secret forest, there’s only so much knowledge axel can pass onto kairi...and without a variety of enemies to fight, there’s only so much experience kairi can gain. she still had a lot to learn but was thrown into a war and expected to hold her own (she did good for what little time she had to prepare, though).

then..remind happened. apart from the lore bits that were added and the plot holes that were addressed, the rest of it felt like fanservice, to be quite honest. it gave the fans everything they had been screaming about since kh3′s initial release, including “kairi development/spotlight.” i’m using quotations because kairi was very inconsistent in remind. one moment she’s blocking xion’s attack and protecting axel (repaying him for protecting her earlier in the KG, regardless if she remembers it or not AND for plot reasons; getting to see xion’s face, all in all this feels good, this feels like natural progression for kairi, love that for her), then...she’s suddenly overpowering XEMNAS of all people after he literally slapped sora, roxas AND xion away like a couple of mosquitos...(thematically, it would’ve made more sense for it to have been xion or roxas getting the upper hand, and it would’ve been in character too since they’re both powerhouses...it just feels like this was compensation or an apology for kairi not doing anything in the base game when xemnas kidnapped her...WHICH STILL HAPPENS BTW making this interaction between xemnas and kairi feel insincere and unrewarding...i want natural progression for kairi, i don’t want her to come off like a mary sue), then later once sora and the guardians bring kairi back, she’s totally clueless as to what sora means by “kairi, are you ready for this?” when she can obviously see darkness swirling above their heads...yet, earlier, she immediately gave axel affirmation when he asks “you with me?” just as they’re about to fight saix and xion...her fight against xehanort was wonderful though, her gameplay suited her very well. i just want consistency and natural progression like the rest of the main cast experienced.

i feel like remind was kinda misleading when it comes to kairi...and a lot of fans just rolled with the hype straight into khmom, believing it to be this huge turning point for kairi...only to be let down by the ending.

however, khmom is a turning point for kairi...but it feels sincere, it feels deserved. it feels natural. she got to address her repressed childhood memories and confront an illusion of xehanort, the embodiment of her suffering. she acknowledged her weakness (in jp, sena translated it different) and how it put sora and everyone else in danger. she showed frustration and anger with the way xehanort used her and altered her fate. she charged in to fight and stand up for herself without a second thought. she’s more assertive and involved now than she ever has been, and her personality is finally showing through and she’s bursting with life. even when she tells riku she wants to go, and he denies her in order to keep her safe (i swear to god, if i see one more person call riku a misogynist for gently putting kairi down because she isn’t experienced enough and doesn’t have the power of waking needed to journey to a dangerous, unknown world i’m gonna lose my mind, sora was literally denied access to the realm of darkness all throughout kh3 because it was too dangerous and he hadn’t regained the power of waking and nobody said a damn thing about that), she acknowledges her lack of experience and tells riku with confidence that she’s going to train hard and get stronger so she can fight alongside sora AND riku...not just sora this time. this is the first time in a long time we’ve seen kairi so vocal and adamant about her training so she can grow stronger and not put herself or anyone else in harms way anymore...instead of her writing it down in an unsent letter or having the game telling us but hardly show it. she even tells yen sid she wants to train under aqua WHICH IS HUGE because not only is it a decision she makes herself (and actually voices this time instead of remaining passive), but she also utilizes magic and speed in combat...training under aqua will help her develop SO MUCH, in both character and skill. this also opens potential friendships between kairi and terra, as well as kairi and ventus.

kairi is finally...FINALLY starting her own journey, and even though her path is different from sora and riku’s right now (which, honestly, will be more beneficial for her in the long run), i have more faith now than ever that kairi’s path will cross with sora and riku’s again and she’ll have the strength she wants in order to stand by their side and support them.

#khmom #khmomspoilers #kh mom spoilers #khmom spoilers

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babbushka · 4 years ago

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Please read the whole thing ❤️

Hey everyone, Zannah here.

I’ve taken some time and stepped away from this platform after all the drama that happened a month or so ago, and in that time I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thank you all so much, for your kindness and support in allowing me to unplug for a little while, I really needed that break just for my own sanity. I hope that in this time, you all have been doing as well as you can in this very stressful year. I’d like to take this brief moment and thank my most dear friends who have been my rock. This experience has shown me that good friends, truthful friends, are hard to come by. If you have them, please make sure they know how much you love them.

You know, I’ve been on this platform for just about ten years. For a few of those years, I’ve been here in the AD community, and I can honestly say I’ve never had a more negative experience in my life, from the actions that I’ve witnessed and experienced. I stayed away from people I didn’t like, I didn’t read fic I didn’t like, I avoided content and artwork that upset me, because I’m an adult. And foolishly I was expecting others to do the same, because as I always say, your internet experience is up to you to cultivate. You are responsible for no one else’s actions other than your own.

I’ve dealt with people coming into my inbox condemning me for the way I interpret fictional characters from day one. I’ve dealt with people calling me slurs and names, telling me to kill myself, telling me they were going to kill me themselves, that I deserve awful unspeakable things, for not agreeing with the way that they interpret a fictional character. Those were all easy to ignore, because they were always, always either about my Jewishness, or about the Jewishness of my characters, and I have no time for bigots, I just don’t.

People got angry with me for having boundaries in not wanting to write certain things, or for not wanting to write them in the specific way that they wanted me to. People got angry with me for being frustrated, that time and time again I was being treating as some writing machine and not a person, by them not giving me the basic respect of checking the small list of tropes and themes I’m uncomfortable writing which I’ve made so accessible every time. Time and time again I became frustrated, being asked questions that I’ve made clear on so many occasions, that I was uncomfortable answering, or held negative opinions of.

And that was frustrating, because it was a level of entitlement I’d never seen before – people wanted my writing, but only if it satisfied their needs with little regard to my own feelings, and called me a bully when I didn’t comply. Still, it was just about the writing, and I could ignore that.

But then, strangers started getting angry with me because I had blocked them for whatever reason from seeing my content. Strangers got angry with me for standing up for myself when people tried to pull stunts in the inbox. When people asked me for advice or my opinion on a whole assortment of topics, they said I was being a bully because they didn’t like what I had to say. A difference of opinion is not a personal attack, but it seems as though many people haven’t grasped that concept. People said I was betraying others’ trust by answering anonymous asks on the internet, something that has exactly 0 risk or stakes in sending. People said I was a bitch when I tried to offer genuinely constructive and critical responses. People got angry that I blocked their IP address for sending me unwanted, anonymous, negative hot takes that I didn’t ask for, nor that I cared about. People said I never took accountability for anything, when in reality they just wanted me to change my mind about certain topics, and got angry when I held true to my convictions.

I hope you can all imagine why I didn’t respond pleasantly. Like every content creator on this website and on any website, we don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone writing, I don’t owe anyone answers, I don’t owe anyone attention or time. And something that I’ve learned most of all, is that I don’t owe people the pleasure of indulging in flame wars that get brought to my feet. I am not interested in wasting my time trying to defend myself and my good name, against people who have already made up their mind about me from a few misunderstandings, a single interaction, or a one-sided and angry perspective. I’m not interested in wasting my time over things that I know in my heart, aren’t true.

One thing people sometimes tell me, is that I was “rude to a perfectly genuine anon.” I would like to say this; there is absolutely no way for me to know the intention of any anon, other than the way the message comes across. And I’ll be the first to admit, often intention is misinterpreted! When that happens and the person reaches out, I always, every time, have apologized. And just as easy as it is for me to misinterpret someone’s genuine ask as rude or offensive, it is easy for my genuine responses to be interpreted as rude or clipped. Tone is difficult over the internet -- tone is difficult in text where these people are anonymous strangers and I have no idea who they are or with which intentions they’re coming from.

That being said, people can still say hurtful things without the intention of doing so. People have said unintentionally hurtful things to me, and I now realize that I have said things which have been hurtful to others. Good intentions mean nothing, when real hurt and pain is caused. To those people, I would like to give a genuine and sincere apology. I hope, as all I can ever do is hope, that folks here know I never come from a place of malice. Moving forward, I will do my best to respond in ways that I hope will come across as respectful as possible, even when disagreeing. I believe the only legitimate form of apology is changed behavior, and I intend to make that change so that this space can be more inclusive and welcoming, as I have only ever wished it to be.

Because, well, I like to think that we have made a welcoming and inclusive space, a space where we are able to respect one another’s boundaries. I am just one person, just a girl with a blog on the internet who has tried to forge a community of peers and friends. I am not a politician with a PR team approving my every post, there are no mods here to help me interact with you guys. I’m just a girl who writes fanfic and posts it on the internet. I write fanfic that makes me happy, that I’m proud of, for me, and I am happy to share it with you. Especially because through that fanfic, I’ve met incredible wonderful people, and I’m thankful for all of you.

Through having this blog, I’ve met people that I consider to be lifelong friends -- people that I plan on building a future with, and for that I’m forever grateful. I’ve met people who have become inspired to write their own fanfic or start their own blogs, and even when it’s a subject matter that’s not something I’m interested in or one that I personally don’t like, I have always, always been encouraging. Because this is a hobby, this is something people should be doing for fun, because they want to, and no other reason. So when I see claims that “I’ve forced people to quit writing” or someone saying “I quit the fandom because of you”, I know that that’s simply not true. The only way you quit writing is by not writing anymore. It may feel better to blame someone for the reasons why, but no one can make you do anything except yourself.

Similarly, I’ve seen people saying that I’ve “ruined their favorite character” and to that all I have to say is what I’ve always been saying; if you don’t like my writing, you don’t have to read it. If you don’t like my interpretation of characters, you don’t have to consume the content I put out. If you don’t like my opinions, you don’t have to follow me. People don’t “ruin characters” for anyone else, when you simply avoid the content you don’t like, and focus on (or make) the content you do like.

Have I been confused when someone shares my story with a tag that didn’t make sense and so I reached out to them privately to address the issue? Yes.

Have I expressed my negative feelings about fics and the trends of fandom in the comfort and boundaries of my own blog, in posts that I remove when I felt that they no longer were worth keeping up? Yes.

Have I expressed my concerns regarding certain tropes, themes and kinks, opinions formed by my own firsthand experience with them, coupled with the potential damaging effects they may have on a young and impressionable audience like some of those in this fandom? Yes.

I don’t deny any of these things, because I am not ashamed of any of these things. You don’t have to like it, but that does not make me a monster, nor does it make me a tormenter of this fandom as I have been called.

Tormenting people in fandom is making long scathing posts publicly blasting someone because you’re angry that they blocked you. Or making long public callout posts to warn others in the fandom of my many crimes – crimes which actually aren’t crimes at all – and whipping up a frenzy of frothing at the mouth hate. Or reblogging a post and hijacking it with long commentary about something that has nothing to do with you in an attempt to shame the original poster. Or getting screenshots of private conversations where someone is joking with a person who they once thought was a friend, that are taken out of context and framing them to fit a narrative you’re spinning against them. That’s torment.

This fandom has the most vicious and warped mob mentality that I have ever seen. I’ve seen it in the treatment of Adam and Joanne, I’ve seen it in the treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran. I’ve seen it in the treatment of other bloggers, and well, I can say I’ve seen it and experienced it myself. I worry for the future of the fandom, when this sort of behavior is rewarded and celebrated, because people are so quick to simply agree with someone’s impassioned anger instead of thinking critically for themselves.

However (and this is the ‘but’ of the whole post), I cannot make this post and make all these statements without saying that this community has also been a place of kindness and support and acceptance, and I’m genuinely touched by everyone who has ever gone out of their way to talk to me. I thought long and hard about deleting this blog. I thought about just packing up and leaving our corner of the web, or moving to other platforms. I even put out a little announcement on my ao3 that I was done, I was out of here. But it didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t feel right to abandon all the incredibly beautiful, talented, welcoming, supportive and kind people that had found some peace in this corner of the web. I was absolutely blown away by the sweet messages that were sent to my inbox, and my DMs, the posts that were circulated written by friends and strangers alike literally brought me to tears.

I know that many people here do not like me, and want nothing to do with me, and that’s okay. I know that my content is not for everyone, my opinions are not going to be lined up with everyone else’s, that’s okay too. People have not liked me from the beginning lol, that’s nothing new to me. I have always said, that I would continue to write even if no one read my stuff, and that’s still true. You are in charge of your internet experience, follow the people and consume the content that makes you happy, and block out the things that don’t.

If you are reading this and you are one of the kind people, one of the supportive and understanding people who are on my side, I cannot say thank you enough. The time I took away made me realize that there are much larger problems in the world than strangers on the internet having negative opinions about me, and that kindness will always be more powerful than hate. The community we have built together means more to me than the bullshit other people try and start.

So, all of this is to say, that I’m back.

Some things are going to be a little different around here; I’m very very sorry I know I said I would never do this but I’ve turned the anonymous function off for the time being just for the sake of my sanity, and I’ve updated my FAQ. Writing will no longer be posted directly to tumblr, but rather a redirect link from AO3 will be posted making all tag-list requests null and void.

But other things will remain the same. We’re still going to have sleepovers, I’m still going to accept prompts (but please give me some time before we get back to sinday, as I’m still in a little bit of unease about all of this). I’m still going to be talking about my personal AU, and I’m still going to be uploading fanart and gifs and memes and shitposts and answering your questions and giving you the love you all have shown to me over the years.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for giving me the time to say my peace. I know it’s a long post, but I’ve been sitting on these thoughts for quite some time, and I’m relieved to finally express them. Please know that my posting this isn’t intended to stir up anything, or cause any drama, or relive any pain.

I just missed you all very dearly. I hope that we can move onward and upward together, a babbushka 2.0 of sorts. It’s an exciting time to be in this fandom, and I am looking forward to experiencing everything together.

I’m sending you all of my love.

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overthinkingkdrama · 5 years ago

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Exit Review: My Country

Synopsis

This drama is set in the transition between the Goryeo and Joseon dynasties, and follows turbulent friendship turned fraught rivalry between Seo Hwi and Nam Seon Ho. Seo Hwi’s late father was the greatest swordsman of Goryeo, but after being framed for embezzling military supplies he was executed as a traitor, a stain which hangs over Hwi and his sister’s lives. Seon Ho is the illegitimate son of a powerful state official, but due to his mixed parentage he can never fully belong to his father’s world and has an insatiable ambition and bitter resentment toward his father which drives him.

Hwi and Seon Ho have been close since childhood, but when they end up going head to head in the state military exam a tragedy follows that will drive a terrible wedge between them. Eventually circumstances will force them to pick sides between General Yi Seong Gye (the first King of Joseon) an his ruthless son, Yi Bang Won, in the fight which will give shape and purpose to a newborn country.

Review

Story: My Country is a difficult drama for me to review objectively, in part because I loved it so much. Watching this drama was a truly absorbing and gripping experience for me, and it plays to so many of my story preferences. I was unequivocally obsessed with this drama from the premier to the finale, but during the weeks between airings I couldn’t help but feel like I was arm wrestling with the script.

It was characterization more than anything that gave me fits. I wouldn’t go so far as to accuse the show of giving us thin or two dimensional characters. To the contrary, each of these characters has a fully realized matrix of conflicting desires, loyalties and ambitions that inform their choices and alignments. However, it is often difficult to sift through those murky motivations and draw a clear line between a character’s internal desires and their external actions.

This drama starts out with an incredible cold open that raises all sort so questions about who these characters are and immediately invests you in finding out how they ended up in this situation. It’s truly masterfully done, and I probably rewatched it upwards of 10 times through the run. It kept me asking those questions all the way until the pay off. But because the writers were so invested in keeping their cards close to the chest, clear characterization was sometimes lost in the shuffle.

That said, this drama really is one beautiful, tragic escalation after another. Just taking the first two episodes in isolation is quite a ride. I really thought after the first few weeks, or hell, the first half, that the drama would get bogged down in plotting and politics or have nowhere left to go, but to my great joy it really doesn’t let up a single moment until the finale.

Acting: Where to even begin with the acting in this drama? All three of the main male leads: Yang Se Jong, Woo Do Hwan and the inimitable Jang Hyuk are perfectly cast and give inspired performances. Everything from posture to voice to subtle microexpressions is so stunningly on point.

I came into the drama already a big fan of both Woo Do Hwan and Jang Hyuk as actors, having followed them through other projects, so it wasn’t surprising to me that I liked them both here as well. However, what did surprise me was the extent to which they were able to show off their range and talent. As a long time Jang Hyuk fangirl, I would confidently argue that this particular rendition of the Yi Bang Won character is him at his absolute best. I also went into My Country relatively indifferent to Yang Se Jong, or at least not overly familiar with or impressed by his previous work. I’m happy to announce that that is no longer the case, as his performance of Hwi is one of the most memorable of the year for me, and his sheer level of commitment to the role is awe inspiring. There’s a video of him talking behind the scenes about a moment early on where he actually yelled himself hoarse embodying a moment of panic and grief, which made me appreciate the level thought and effort he put into playing this character.

I don’t want to limit my praise to just that trio of actors either, because the entire cast is incredible. I didn’t know much about Seolhyun before this role, but I thought she was really strong as well, though her character doesn’t feature as heavily as one might like or expect from the promotional material around this drama. The villains too are captivating, especially the detestable Nam Jeon played by veteran actor Ahn Nae Sang. Wow, you are really going to love to despise this guy. I just cannot say enough about the performances from top to bottom, because we would be here all day. The acting is really what makes the drama, especially the stunning chemistry between the characters, and more specifically the chemistry Yang Se Jong has with all the other leads.

Production: There is some movie quality cinematography throughout this drama. It just looks very, very good both in the way it is shot and the attention to detail, the props, the costumes the sets. There is a beautiful long tracking shot following Hwi through a battle field in episode 3 or 4 that was just jaw dropping. It really felt like they were flexing, honestly, and it’s refreshing to see this kind of cable quality coming out of South Korea and ending up on American Netflix for people to watch and appreciate.

I love the music in this drama. Some of it can come across a bit camp, like the electric guitar and strings heavy instrumental “My Country” that accompanies many of the sword fight scenes, but I loved Bang Won’s wailing violin theme music every time it showed up, and the OST definitely sets a mood.

One of the more distracting choices the drama made was to allude to certain historical characters like Poeun, Sambong and Choi Young but never have them actually appear as characters, in the present or in flashbacks, opting to address certain important events and philosophies through fictional expys such as Nam Jeon and Seo Geon instead. They even resort to filming certain scenes in strange oblique ways so that we understand Sambong is in the room but we don’t see his face.

The only thing I can figure is the writers wanted to use the audience’s familiarity with these historical figures without chaining the story too closely to the actual flow of historical events. Or perhaps they decided to exclude these characters in order to avoid too much direct comparison to the critically well-received and highly rated drama, Six Flying Dragons, which covers much of the same time period.

Feels: For me My Country watches like a bitter-sweet tragi-romantic melodrama centering on a toxic love triangle with a historical backdrop. And when I say “love triangle”, I am 100% referring to the interplay between Seon Ho, Hwi and Bang Won (my sincere apologies to poor Hui Jae) because that’s how the entire drama is structured. My Country is one of the most purely homoerotic things I’ve ever watched. If it weren’t for a few limp attempts to imply Seon Ho’s romantic interest was in Hui Jae and not his former friend, I would say “unapologetically homoerotic” but alas, South Korea isn’t quite there yet.

The romance between Hui Jae and Hwi never quite caught fire for me, though lord knows they were trying. It always felt like a side dish to the main course that the drama really wanted to serve: namely the star-crossed relationship of Hwi and Seon Ho. (And this is not meant as a dig toward those who liked the Hui Jae/Hwi romance. This section of the review is just about my subjective experience.)

There were moments where I worried, or couldn’t quite tell where the drama was taking us with regard to Seon Ho and Hwi, or where I feared everything was going to end in senseless destruction and they couldn’t successfully bring the plot to closure in just 16 episodes. But for the handful of issues I had with the writing of the drama, its final resolution was poetically, heart-wrenchingly, perfect.

My Country just pushes so many of my narrative and aesthetic buttons and plays heavily to my id. This is a drama that I’m going to be thinking about for a long, long time. I will definitely be watching it again and I will try to get as many other people to watch it as possible. I liked it that much.

Would I recommend My Country: The New Age? Yes, oh god yes. Please watch it. Watch it and then come talk to me about it. Definitely one of the best of the year.

9/10

#my country #my country: the new age #woo do hwan #yang se jong #jang hyuk #kim seolhyun #kdrama reviews #exit review

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the-black-birb · 5 years ago

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Love in Time Analysis

I wrote this instead of writing an English essay. Enjoy!

Tsukishima and the Reader Character are Foils for One Another – and how that affects their love life

In writing, a foil refers to when one-character shows contrasting qualities of another in order to highlight said qualities. Most often this is between a major and minor character or a protagonist and antagonist, but in this case, we see it between the two major characters.

Love in Time revolves around the contrast between Tsukishima and the Reader’s character traits. In the beginning it is fairly straightforward: the Reader stands up for their friends while Tsukishima constantly puts them down. This is further exemplified in their first meeting: the Reader is helping out Yachi because she is Kenma’s friend and Tsukishima dreads even being with her. This begins the first conflict between the Reader and Tsukishima, in which their differences clash with one another. However, it also highlights a surprising similarity. Both of them appear unafraid of confrontation. This is seen repetitively with Tsukishima’s character: he makes snide remarks on his friend’s posts and is not afraid to tell them what he thinks. But the first time we see this with the Reader is when they first meet Tsukishima in person at their apartment and she calls him out for being generally rude to her friends. In this way, both Tsukishima and the Reader are different from their friends. While they’ve created a whole chat dedicated to keeping an eye on Tsukishima, none of his friends have approached him about his destructive behavior. Similarly, Kenma and Kuroo despite knowing there are problems with Y/N’s situation, never ask them about it. In this, we see Tsukishima and the Reader are set apart from the people around them.

The ‘meet cute’ with the Reader and Tsukishima at his apartment is what truly sets the story in motion. One could argue ‘wasn’t it the first meeting in the art class?’ because that’s when their interactions first began. However, it’s the Reader’s actions at this point that cause Tsukishima to change. Before that, their interactions were coincidences of little consequence, but it is this moment that Tsukishima finally gets his head out of his ass. But why is that?

It’s later established that Tsukishima struggles deeply with insecurities about his college major and path in life, and because of that he shut his friends out. But this wasn’t a decision he made consciously. As he was eaten up by insecurities, he thought that surely everyone around him must be happier than him and chose to put them down. His issues don’t excuse his actions, and the Reader is the one who makes him aware of this in pointing it out to him. The Reader was simply the first person who had the guts to say something to him about it, because all of his friends before that were too consumed with worry that mentioning it might set him off. Because the Reader had only known him since he’d started college, they were able to see him from a broader perspective. And from that perspective, he was a dick.

This obviously causes a greater conflict and disparity between Tsukishima and the Reader with no end in sight and that is where the Ginger incident solves things. In a moment of vulnerability, the Reader relies on Tsukishima for reasons out of their control. Although neither of them wanted to be with each other, they were forced to nonetheless. By being with one another in this moment of vulnerability, it is once again a catalyst for change. Unlike beforehand, where the Reader’s comments caused Tsukki to reflect on his own actions different, now they view each other in a different light. It doesn’t excuse their earlier conflicts, as we see they still don’t get along with each other entirely, but it is a pathway for greater change. That is why when Tsukishima tries to ‘apologize’ for his first comments to the Reader, the Reader believes his apology is sincere even if he doesn’t really say “sorry.”

From here on out, the initial conflict between Tsukishima and the Reader is solved. They don’t really have issues with one another, but they’re still unfamiliar and that makes them awkward. They gain a semblance of friendship; Tsukishima goes with the other guys to visit the Reader while they’re in the art studio and it’s hinted that they have other conversations we aren’t privy to. However, it’s at this point that Tsukishima’s inner conflict with himself comes to light and the use of these two characters, the Reader and Tsukishima, as a foil for one another really begins to make sense.

At the root of Tsukishima’s problems is his fear of having a career that makes him miserable. To Tsukishima, this means he wants to play it safe and take a job where he knows he will make money. He’s always been condescending and of high intellect so he expects it of himself to be better than those around him. However, when he hit college that was proven wrong. Many of his friends are more successful than him, not only in terms of their career but in other ambitions as well. Tadashi and Yachi live together, and no one has any doubt that they will get married. His best friend has managed to find a partner for life and it’s mentioned that he also has a new job. Akaashi is incredibly successful as a writer and his articles are shown to go viral. Finally, Hinata (who Tsukishima always made fun of and looked down on for his ambitions) is living his dream as a professional volleyball player. Compared to them, Tsukishima feels that he has accounted to nothing. Even if he may have a high-paying job in the future, none of that amounts to success.

Enter the Reader. Aside from the conflict with Tsukishima, the Reader hasn’t been shown to have too many personal problems. They go to college and live with friends and generally have a happy-go-lucky attitude. However, the same night that Tsukishima leaves in a fit of anger, it’s revealed that the Reader has been lying about their situation. In truth, they do not have a place to stay or the same success that their friends have been granted. Many of the Reader’s quirks, taking on weird jobs like nude modeling and being overly happy for free food, are explained in a different light.

The Reader’s conflict is different from Tsukishima’s. Almost the exactly opposite, actually, and that is what makes them a successful foil. It’s addressed that the Reader has a fear similar to Tsukishima’s; they don’t want to take on a career that makes them miserable either. However, the way they handle this fear characterizes them much differently from Tsukishima.

The Reader, despite their mother’s wishes, chooses a career path that has very little money to its name. They take a risk, knowing they may become a starving artist, because to them success does not mean the career that is the most stable, but rather the career that makes you happiest. Tsukishima and the Reader’s conflicts are similar because they are both struggling to stay afloat while the people around them are comfortable. This makes it difficult for them to confide in their friends about their issues, and instead they find comfort in one another. This foundation of trust based in mutual struggle is also what makes their relationship successful. Although they are different, they trust one another to understand what they are going through.

Through their differences, the two of them inspire one another to change for the better. When the Reader sees Tsukishima, who has been mothered by his friends since he entered college, they learn to ask others for help willingly. This allows them to go to their mother and speak truthfully so they can achieve a mutual understanding and their mother can help support them. In Tsukishima’s case, seeing the Reader take on a major that doesn’t guarantee a stable income encourages him to pursue a career in something he enjoys, even if he won’t get the big bucks a lawyer does. Their differences inspire change in one another.

While the two work to improve their lives and be honest with themselves and their friends about their conflicts, they stay at one another’s side. Tsukishima is the Reader’s column; he is where they go for stability. Similarly, the Reader is the first person Tsukishima trusts himself to confide in. This allows their romance to be successful because they trust one another. However, this could bring up issues of dependence on one another. That is why the Reader’s apprenticeship is so incredibly important to the story.

The time that the Reader and Tsukishima spend away from each other is after they have worked through numerous conflicts together. This time apart proves that they are independent people who can be successful in their own right without someone constantly at their side. When the Reader left, neither of them were fully ready to be in a relationship because they were still trying to work on themselves. They weren’t ready yet to be fully in love and still trust themselves enough to allow a relationship to foster healthily. But when the Reader returns, the two of them have fought through conflicts both together and alone and are finally ready to be in one another’s company. They don’t need each other, because they are fully realized characters and people in their own right. But they are ready to want each other and be together. That is why it is only at the very end of the story, when they have learned from one another and gotten to a point where they are happy with their own selves, that they are finally ready to be in love.

#love in time

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canonicallysoulmates · 5 years ago

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I have some things to say about D’s comment on Clif’s insta post and the supposed stalker, now I say supposed because as far as I am aware there is no confirmation of there being a stalker and D does not directly say that there is one in her comment...

But before I say what I have say, same disclaimer as the one from my other post addressing this situation applies, I speak only for myself, I am not a representative of my fellow j2 fans, of the fandom, or of my fellow j2 tinhats.

I will try to keep this brief, and coherent but I might be a little over the place, I apologize for that in advance. Also, fair warning there might be some unpopular/controversial opinions in this post.

And for those of you confused as to what the hell I mean by Clif’s insta post you can refer to -> here, to give you an idea what it is I am talking about.

Now, back on track: D commented on the post Clif made about j2 and their families, and in her comment she implies that there has been a security breach, that somebody has threatened the safety of her and her family. I do not know where the stalker part came from because D does not at any point in her comment mention a stalker, and a security breach could mean anything from a stalker to somebody showing up at the house to threatening mail, I am unaware if perhaps she replied to somebody who replied to her comment and that’s where she mentioned a stalker, I do know that apparently the house address was doxxed by some extreme anti Daneel blogs which is disgusting.

Let me make some things extremely clear before I continue and please pay very very close attention:

Regardless to what you think about j2, regardless of what you think about the D and G doxxing someone is horrible, and it is a crime. I do not support, endorse, agree with, sponsor, or encourage that horrible behavior.

I do not support, endorse, agree with, sponsor, or encourage stalking and/or threatening the boys, D and G, and their poor innocent children.

I do not support, endorse, agree with, sponsor, or encourage putting the boys, D and G, and their children in danger.

That behavior is appalling, it is wrong, it is disgusting, it is a crime.

Nobody should feel unsafe and uncomfortable in their home.

If there was a security breach this was not the way to handle it, they shouldn’t have brought this into SM especially the way that they did, they should have gone directly to the authorities and let them handle it and if they were going to bring this to SM they should have done so directly, it shouldn’t have been “brought up” by Clif in a post where he talks about everything except the security breach, it should have been either addressed as a joint statement from their pr or addressed directly on one of their accounts whether as a post, a live, a story or even a youtube video.

If there is a security breach and they honest to God believe that the things brought up in Clif’s post are the reason behind it why in the hell would you shine a light on those things? why shine a light on the things that you believe is an “incentive” for some people to hurt you and your family? That is idiotic and irresponsible. Again, they should have just gone to the authorities and let them handle it.

Daneel called those people threatening her bullies those are not bullies those are criminals, if there was a security breach and that’s what this whole mess is about then this is not bullying this is a crime- both Jared and Jensen have in the past received death threats and threats to their properties and to their kids online, those threats should have been addressed when they happened but no attention was paid to them not even by Clif I hope that’s not the case here, I hope that if there was a security breach that Jensen and D are just using the word bullies incorrectly and not that they’re not taking the issue seriously.

I don’t understand and I find it weird that by D’s comment it sounds like the house didn’t use to have a security system before this, that to me makes no sense they are public figures, they have little kids, there have been threats made online in the past why in the hell did they not have a security system installed? Even if they felt safe and like they didn’t need it, it’s just a smart thing to have if you can afford it which they can, to be honest this is a case where I side eye the fuck out of Clif and his claims of caring about the boys like family cause he’s supposed to provide them with security yet he let Jensen live in a house with their kids that from the sounds of it had no security system installed.

It annoys me that if there was a security breach that protecting the happy family image took priority over everyone’s actual safety, because it was brought unto SM and instead of being addressed directly and properly the focus was on the things that question the stability of j2′s marriages.

As soon as they realized their address got doxxed they should have fucking reported it and dealt with it quickly instead of making a weird and seemingly random post on instagram. And they shouldn’t have dragged the fans into this mess, they shouldn’t have grouped all of us in the same bunch because this is not tinhats fault the people who doxxed them are extreme anti blogs that aren’t tinhats, and it’s not the fault of every fan that speculates and theorizes either yet we’re the ones who are going to be paying the price all because they didn’t handle this like responsible adults and painted all fans with the same brush.

I’m going to get controversial/unpopular right now, I don’t doubt that there was a security breach because the house address was doxxed and there are some messed up people in the world but I do take it being put as the reason behind Clif’s post with a good helping of salt.

There are some things that for me just don’t add up in that narrative, starting with Clif’s post itself, why was he the one to address this instead of it being addressed by one of the 4 or the boys pr, why were the only ones who replied Jensen (or “Jensen”) and Daneel, why if this is what made him go on that rant is the only mention of a security breach at the very end of the post buried after a bunch of fandom info in the form of mentioning sending hate mail, the stuff brought up on his post were things apparently being talked about by the extreme antis that doxxed the house address but I’ll be sincere I’ve seen some of those blogs and they say way worse shit about those marriages than talking about missing wedding bands like the ones that say Jensen is a serial cheater if addressing the things those blogs were discussing why not address the way worse things instead.

Something as serious as the safety of your family, of your children why are Jensen and D calling those threatening the safety of the kids bullies instead of what they are criminals, why did only D comment on the safety breach but Jensen said nothing, why haven’t either of them or Jared or G said anything on their own pages especially D who in her comment said that what Clif posted needed to be said why not repost it to her page (i’m not saying doing so would be a smart idea btw but if this is all due to a security breach and she wants to ensure that those putting her family at risk know they’re not anon and all that jazz why not repost and add her comment), if something threatened the safety of the kids why post them because today she posted a pic of the kids like if the safety of my kids had been threatened i wouldn’t be posting them on SM for at least a week minimum, there are things that just don’t add up for me.

Again, I don’t doubt there being a security breach what I doubt is it being the reason for Clif’s post, or at least it being the sole reason for his post. A part of me thinks that breach happened a while back but D brought it up now because they realized they fucked up and had stirred up a hornet’s nest and not the way they wanted to; this whole thing just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, either there was a security breach which is awful - and I am honestly concerned they’re not taking it seriously - and they handled it in a weird horrible way, or Clif’s post had nothing to do with the security breach but the breach was brought up so fans would concentrate less on the content of Clif’s post.

This whole thing is such a mess and when one of them opens their mouth it gets messier, they should just delete the fucking post it’s not doing them any favors. And if there is a stalker, or someone is showing up to the house, or they’re receiving threatening mail they need to report it to the police along with reporting the doxxing of their private information, those things are crimes and can escalate and get really ugly.

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patricia-von-arundel · 5 years ago

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If anyone wants it, AO3 link for the story I put up last night. I’ve also gone through and edited out (I hope) all of those blasted typos. I shouldn’t type up stories in the middle of the night.

But okay! I promised to do better about responding to comments. So let’s go:

snoffles

said: Oh man, yes! Good stuff. I think the style works very well - really keeps it brisk and engrossing. I tore through this thing. I’m on the fence about the age issue - at first, I was thinking I’d prefer if you kept it set when they’re younger so it matches up with when Edelgard was experimented on. Then that final scene happened and…yeah. Whatever you decide, I’m good with it. I just want more! Thanks for this and all your other beautiful writing. :)

Thank you! I’m still debating on the age thing, too. I realized I needed to avoid the influence of those back in Enbarr/TWSITD after the experimentation, but wasn’t sure what to do with her. What I think I’ll do for now is leave it as-is, and potentially, as the plot develops, see if I can go back and rework the beginning... somehow. I do need her and Byleth to get their butts to Garreg Mach. I’m really glad the final scene worked, because I was super excited to write it! Thank you for reading!

insectoid5 reblogged this from patricia-von-arundel and added:

This is excellent, Em!! I think you managed to write Edelgard in this way quite well. 😁Oh, El, you and your aim...

I will get snark in about El’s aim however I can. Every time.

ishtar0110 said: Holy moly!!! YESSS!!!!! 💜🧡💖💞💓🧡💜

I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thank you! :D

lysissisyl said: So, I think Edelgard is perfectly recognizable here. It’s just not the exact same Edelgard we all know, because she can’t be. She shouldn’t be, because her life wasn’t the same. The Edelgard at the end of CF and the Edelgard at the end of SS are very different people for very obvious reasons. Here it’s the same and I’m an even more critical moment of her life. This Edelgard got a chance to heal when her wounds were still fresh. That really reminds me of Marvel’s “what ifs”!!! As for Edelgard’s darkness surfacing at times, I think it is perfectly understandable here, even for someone who doesn’t know her well. She has been saved, she has known love, but sometimes the horror just comes back and she can’t help it. It’s a possible way to handle trauma while still healing, and not an uncommon one. I’m still a bit shaken, so I hope my words make sense somehow. I think this already tells you you made a very good job. 😅 Still, you asked for some feedback, so here it is. I tried to keep it brief, but I miserably failed. My sincere apologies.

lysissisyl said: And she still has a hard time dealing with her own feelings. She can’t name what she’s starting to feel for Byleth and she calls it envy, probably because it’s less scary. All this just to answer to your doubts and say that she IS recognizable and she IS in character. I’m not even starting on anything else XD Sorry again This Edelgard is still able to hope, she hopes for her father to saver her, even just for a moment. She sees someone who is not an Agarthan and can still trust them. This is something the Edelgard we know has lost. At the same time, she doesn’t want Byleth to hold her down, she can stay still despite the pain when Jeralt cleans her wounds. She doesn’t scream. This is so Edelgard.

Good! Excellent! Thank you! That’s exactly what I was most worried about - missing the mark on El’s characterization. She’s so internally focused... and so reluctant to speak up about her own goals/struggles. Going forward, I’m hoping that problem will solve itself, but I’m glad she wasn’t completely OOC here. Balancing trauma with living daily life in a believable way is tough at the best of times. Especially with a character like El who is never going to lash out or allow herself to express her own pain and fear and anger. She isn’t going to be like Dimitri, who through his behavior can be read quite readily. El is a mask, Flame Emperor or not.

The part where her wounds were cleaned - yeah. That one I hoped would give that impression. This is Edelgard. She will not scream. She’s so dang-blasted stubborn she will not scream. There’s a piece of the same Edelgard we see at the start of the game.

This is wonderful feedback, and I appreciate it very much! Long responses are the very best, I promise. (And I hope I got your responses in the correct order. Tumblr is Tumblr.)

kalinary said: Woot, didn’t have time to read this last night when I was half dead but was definetly looking forward to reading it today which I did :). Hmmmm so now feedback and constructive feedback. The kind I’m worst at :P. All in all I think the story was great, excited to read more of it. See where the story ends up going and the characters growth and changes. I wonder who the third house leader is. Could be Hubert would think he would also recognize El. Hubert raises an interesting question though. How does he change without El returning and how does he react to her miraculous return. Then you have the other characters reactions as well. Does El keep her identity a secret? With her changed hair and depending on timing would there be many who would recognize her? Does she accept her identity at garreg Mach at the start? Or do the others end up oblivious and she gets to approach and get to know them simply as El and not the emperor for once. Many questions and I very much look forward to hearing the answers but I think I’ll end my mini rant here for now

I’m terrible at constructive feedback, too. It’s hard. I envy those who can do it well.

As for the third house leader... bad news. I said next chapter? It’s, uh... actually going to be the one after. You’re getting more mysteries in the next chapter. We’ll definitely be seeing Hubert, though, in some capacity. Could be a house leader. Could be in another role. We shall see, we shall see... but he’ll definitely show up.

As for El’s identity, I guess that’s not a huge spoiler to say that yes, she will be keeping her identity a secret (at least at the start). But of course, secrets like that are never kept for long, especially in a school. Where is there more gossip than in a school? And, of course, Rhea’s around, and Rhea isn’t fond of those who keep secrets from her... and Edelgard isn’t too fond of Rhea. (There’s some stuff with those two I cannot wait to write. Things go very differently than in 3H, though. Very, very differently.)

Let’s put it this way: including Byleth and Jeralt, there will be five people initially who know El’s identity. And they’re probably pretty easy to guess.

Appreciate the feedback!

Did I get everyone? If I didn’t, poke me, and my apologies. I know I missed some tag responses - if any of them need to be addressed, again, gimme a poke.

Oh, and the story has a title now! A World on Its Side, derived from the song “Ring Them Bells” (Bob Dylan). Full lyrics beneath the cut:

Ring them bells, ye heathen From the city that dreams Ring them bells from the sanctuaries ’Cross the valleys and streams For they’re deep and they’re wide And the world’s on its side And time is running backwards And so is the bride Ring them bells St. Peter Where the four winds blow Ring them bells with an iron hand So the people will know Oh it’s rush hour now On the wheel and the plow And the sun is going down Upon the sacred cow Ring them bells Sweet Martha For the poor man’s son Ring them bells so the world will know That God is one Oh the shepherd is asleep Where the willows weep And the mountains are filled With lost sheep Ring them bells for the blind and the deaf Ring them bells for all of us who are left Ring them bells for the chosen few Who will judge the many when the game is through Ring them bells, for the time that flies For the child that cries When innocence dies Ring them bells St. Catherine From the top of the room Ring them from the fortress For the lilies that bloom Oh the lines are long And the fighting is strong And they’re breaking down the distance Between right and wrong

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stylesgalaxy · 5 years ago

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mastermind; chapter 15

Sometime I wonder... what if it was you? Sometimes I wish it was you... not her...

Those words haunt me, and will haunt me forever.

It wasn't worth it. Not when Shelley is going to rat me out to Julia any day now.

Harry's party was on Saturday. It's been four days since I last saw him and spoke to him. This time, however, that was my doing. I didn't respond to any texts and I didn't initiate any. He hadn't come around once since the party and I told Julia it was probably because she got him socks for his birthday.

I'm not going to lie, I'm scared shitless. I almost kissed Harry. Holy fuck, I almost kissed Harry. His lips were millimeters away from mine.

I am equally thankful it didn't happen as I am sad. I wish nothing more than to feel his lips on mine so I can show him how much I love him, without words. I want to see how he feels about me. For the first time ever, there's a spark of hope inside me that maybe something can advance between us, if he likes me too.

Does he really like me too? The thought sends butterflies in my stomach and a small smile grows on my face. Just imagine someone as perfect as Harry liking me back! Small bursts of joy explode inside of me.

As nervous as I am for my art history class, I can't wait to see Harry so we can get this whole thing cleared. There's a huge chance he'll want to just stay friends with me, nothing else. I can't blame him if he does. But I have to be brave and apologize for ignoring him. So I think I'll just make up a lie about being extremely overwhelmed.

But then there's also the issue of finding a way to shut Shelley up. I don't know what I can possibly offer her to not ruin my friendship with Julia, because I have nothing. I'm honestly really surprised she hasn't said anything yet, because I would have expected her snitch me on the second she ran away. I have a horrible feeling she just wants to lord this over me. I'll tell Harry about it and maybe he can figure something out. She might listen to him.

I walk inside the lecture room, there's some traffic with everyone trying to go up the stairs at once. I follow behind so I can get to my usual seat. Glancing up from my phone, I'm met with Harry.

"Hey," I say a little startled. Fuck, I wasn't ready!

"Hey," he rasps back. His eyes look tired, maybe he had a lot of work to do?

"Um..." I say, unsure of how to start. We slowly walk up the steps together. "I-I haven't spoken to you since..." I trail off awkwardly.

"I know, since my party," he says casually. "To be honest, I haven't really spoken to anyone. I've just been swamped with homework."

I watch him in confusion. His entire stance is too normal. Like we don't share a scandalous secret. Like he didn't almost kiss me, his girlfriend of two years’ best friend.

"Um, great party, by the way," I say, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Thanks, I hardly remember any of it, though," he grins. My heart drops. "I got pretty smashed near the end and I keep hearing stories from people about what I did."

I push back tears and my hurt, giving him a small smile. The second best thing that's ever happened to me, and he doesn't remember again. Before last night, before he was the boy I was so hopelessly in love with, I kissed him at the orientation party. That used to be the best night of my life, but he didn't remember me. And now when I have a new memory to top it, he doesn't remember again.

I mean it's not his fault, I guess? He can't control it.

But then he shouldn't have said those things, and almost kissed me!

Frustration takes over me, and I have to remind myself that this is all in my head. Everything. The whole entire is just in my head. It's not in Harry's which is why he isn't being haunted by the secret of what could have happened how horribly we almost betrayed Julia.

Once again, I'm left to take the burden. Not to mention, now I'm alone in dealing with Shelley.

Fuck.

"I didn't say or do anything weird, did I?" Harry stops me after seeing my face.

"What? N-no, of course not," I say quickly.

"Olay, good. Because I'm trying to remember but I just had too much to drink."

I assure him nothing happened as we reach our row. Harry slips in between the seats and just as I move to go in after him, a body pushes itself between us.

"Hey, guys!" Zayn greets us. Harry's head snaps back to look at him in confusion. "You don't mind if I sit with you, right? Thanks!"

Confused, Harry moves down another seat so Zayn can sit next to him and I sit on Zayn's other side. We both look at Zayn between us in confusion, who simply smiles and pulls his notebook and a pen out.

"Um, you're in this class, too?" Harry asks.

"Yeah, mate," Zayn chuckles. "It's mandatory for art majors."

Oh, shit. How could I forget?! I knew this class was mandatory for us, and yet I didn't even realize Zayn would be in it. Why had I never seen him before?

"Why have I not seen you in here before?" I ask a little harshly. Zayn turns towards me and the look he gives me sends shiver through my spine. It's a very subtle mixture of disappointment and anger.

"Oh, no reason... I just like to sit in the front, where I can't see anything except the screen," he says monotonously, looking dead in my eyes. "But I saw you two today, so I thought I'd sit here," he gives me a tight smile.

I nod at him uncomfortably. There's something extremely off about Zayn.

"How's Julia?" he asks Harry. Her name sounds like a punch to my gut.

"Oh, uh, fine..." Harry mutters.

"Hmm," Zayn nods, then turns to me. "So what mischief have you been up to lately?" he whispers lowly, with a small smile. I know the smile is only there to not scare me, but I'm really concerned about how he's acting and what he's saying. I look at his eyes and see him challenging me.

"What do you mean?" I roll my eyes. When am I ever causing mischief?

"Any crimes you want to confess to?" he smirks, leaning in closer. To anyone else it looks like he's being flirty. Not even Harry would question it, considering my history with Zayn. But to me, it's anything but flirty. I saw the disappointment in his eyes, I see the way he's challenging me, I just don't know what—

Oh my God. He knows.

Feeling like an ice bucket dropped over me, I gulp and look at Zayn with wide eyes. He presses his lip together and raises his eyebrows. Shit, he totally knows.

The lecture begins and I quickly pull my notebook so I can write, Nothing happened. I swear it.

I write it small and nudge Zayn to read it. I don't want Harry to notice anything off about us, because I can't deal with that too right now.

Zayn reads it and pins me with a wary gaze. I look at him and show as much honesty and sincerity I can.

I swear, I write again and underline it boldly.

He gives me a slight nod but settles back in his seat comfortably, like he has no intentions of leaving Harry and I alone.

I fall back into my own seat, not paying attention to the lecture at all.

How did Zayn know? I could have sworn it was Shelley because of her perfume!

Her perfume—she kept spraying a lot on, and Zayn was with her the whole night. I wouldn't be surprised if some of it rubbed off on him.

I let out a breath of relief. I wish no one knew, but it being Zayn is so much better than it being Shelley.

The class dragged on forever. It was unbelievably awkward and when it finally came to an end I wasn't even sure if Harry and I should go to lunch together. Zayn clearly didn't trust us to behave around each other and if he found out we were going to lunch as well, he'd be too suspicious. Besides, I don't think I could handle hanging out with Harry right now.

As we packed up, Harry's usual "Lunch?" wasn't asked. He kept glancing at Zayn and I could tell it was probably because he didn't want him to join us.

"Harry?" I say to him, getting his attention. "I think I'm gonna pass on lunch today." His face falls. "It's just that I have a lot of work to catch up on and I know you do, too, so it's best I don't get distracted..."

"Oh, o-okay," Harry nods. Zayn looks between us in confusion but I ignore him until we all leave the lecture room and then make an excuse about needing to talk to Zayn about some assignment we have, before dragging him away.

"You guys go for lunch together?" Zayn inquires, raising his eyebrow.

"Yeah," I roll my eyes. "We go get lunch together. We need to feed ourselves every once in a while, it's not illegal."

"No, but it's suspicious when it's known you have deep feelings for him."

"First of all, you're the only one who knows that, second it's really nothing to be suspicious about! Harry and I are just friends there's nothing going on behind closed doors," I argue.

"No, it's only between semi-open doors," he smirks then chuckles at his own joke. I pin him with a glare and his laugh fades. "Look, I don't want to seem like I'm forcing you to do anything, Aria. I know how you feel for him and clearly he feels something for you, too. I just don't want you to do something you regret."

Clearly he feels something for you, too.

I drop my face in my hands and shake my head.

"I know... thank you," I say quietly. "Zayn, if I didn't see you, I don't think we would have pulled away," I stress to him, anxiety pouring out of me.

"It's okay, Aria. What's done is done. I think it's time you address it now..." he says softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. A thought occurs to me.

"Why did I never see you in this class before? I completely forgot you'd be in it too."

"I saw you two on the first day of this lecture. But I knew how you felt for him, so I decided to leave you be. I thought it'd be nice to give you two your space maybe you can work out how you feel and it would be easier to decide what to do about them."

"Thank you," I say sincerely. "That's actually very mature of you." He grins.

"Consider what I said, Aria. Soon this is gonna get too much for you and it's best to do something about it before it's too late."

I frown as I consider this. Zayn says goodbye and leaves me, alone with my thoughts for the next three hours.

---

The next few days are some of the hardest of my life. I have this cloud of guilt looming over me. I know the kiss never happened between Harry and I but it almost did and the fact that neither of us had any intention to pull away until I saw someone, is what's causing me guilt.

I need to bring it up to Harry first. If I do go and tell Julia, I can't do it without warning him. Especially since he doesn't remember.

But Harry is always preoccupied these days. He's putting in a lot of effort into all his classes, and I think it's because now that his relationship with his father is fixing, he wants to make him prouder. I want to tell him how happy and proud I am of him, but I never get the chance. The only time I see Harry is when he comes over to our place and that's usually to whisk Julia away.

Like a slap in the face for what I'll never have, he's being the perfect boyfriend to her. It's like he's having a competition with himself to see how great of a person he can be. He's been bringing her nice gifts and watching all her boring TV shows and doing his homework with her, taking her out for dinner. He literally goes out of his way to do things for her: asking her if she needs water and if she shrugs and says okay, he'll hurry and get it for her.

It's literally depressing me how amazing he is and how if I ever do find a boyfriend, he won't be as wonderful as Harry.

The only good thing about this is that unless they're watching TV, he takes her out. To a restaurant, to the library, to the mall, etc. So lucky for me, I don't have to witness much of their love. There was a time I could, but I'm past that now that I've fallen for Harry so much deeper.

Until the next Wednesday when I skip going to class. I haven't been feeling well, the guilt and the sadness really getting to me. I cried myself to sleep last night and when I woke up, my eyes were all puffy and red. Feeling too depressed to go to class with Harry, I just lay in bed and watch the minutes tick by. Getting closer and closer to when I'm meant to leave and then closer to when the class is supposed to start.

Half an hour into the class, Harry texts me asking where I am.

I'll be honest, I was surprised he even remembered me after how little we've spoken since last week.

not feeling too well, think im gonna stay in today. I respond.

Okay, well I hope you feel better soon. Remember to drink and eat enough and don't overstress yourself with midterms x

Oh yeah. I forgot midterms were upon us.

My eyes tear up as I read Harry's message again and again, so I just lock my phone and throw it aside. Turning over in my bed to wallow in self pity.

Around ten thirty, I finally drag myself out of bed to shower and eat cereal. Julia isn't home and I honestly can't be bothered to remember if she has class or what. She didn't tell me she was going anywhere, not that I care that much. She's an adult, she can do what she wants.

I set up my laptop and books on the coffee table and sit on my chair in the living room. I have a research assignment I need to do for one of my midterms, so I'd rather hurry and get that out of the way so I can focus on my art projects.

I go over the notes and essay outline I forced myself to complete yesterday. A few hours later when it's well into the afternoon, the door opens just as I get hungry.

"Oh good, you're back," I say to Julia. "I'm hungry, wanna order Chinese?" I glance and I'm shocked to see it's Harry standing there. He gazes at me, also surprised to see me (I don't know why, this is where I live?). "Oh, sorry. Thought you were Julia."

I turn back to my work and pretend to read over my essay.

"Oh, no sorry. Um, is Julia home?" he asks politely and I hate it. He hasn't talked to me kindly like I might explode at him since my bitch phase.

"She's not," I reply. This confuses him.

"She's not? But she was supposed to be..."

"Sorry, I don't know where she is. Have you texted her?"

"Yeah. We're supposed to cook together. Beef barley soup and brownies. Thought it would be a fun thing to do for a date..."

I freeze. Oh shit.

"Well, I'm sure she'll be home soon," I tell him, packing my things up to go back to my room.

Harry makes himself comfortable at the small table in the kitchen. He watches me as I return in a new set of clothes and gather my things in a tote bag. I hate this awkward silence we're in especially since I don't know where it came from if he doesn't even remember the kiss. Maybe he feels bad that Julia was upset we were hanging out together so much.

Suddenly the door opens again and Julia walks in with many shopping bags in her hand. Just like Harry, her initially reaction is shock.

"Hey, I thought you had class," she says to me. Its past three, so technically I should be in class right now.

"Oh, um, I decided not to go. Too much to do today," I say. I don't know how to warn her that Harry is here to cook with her without saying anything.

But then I realize, it's really not my problem. Julia is an adult and I told her that Harry's going to find out eventually. It seems like that day has come early, and I'm really not trying to throw Julia under the bus but she did accuse me of trying to steal her boyfriend and I told her I wouldn't be there to help her anymore.

I'm tired of lying and scheming and bending myself backwards for her, only for it to be me who gets screwed over.

"Harry, you're here, too," she laughs nervously. He smiles and gets up.

"Yeah, told you I'd be coming over, remember? I've been thinking of nothing but your beef barley soup for days now, so we have to make it," he grins, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yeah, um, about that, can't we just order pizza?"

Harry frowns. "But I came over for the soup," he pouts.

"Yeah, but I'm so tired, look at all this shopping!" she points to her bags.

"Well, why didn't you tell me you wanted to go shopping? We could have made a whole day out of it, I would have taken you."

"Oh that's okay. Liam wasn't busy so he took me downtown. And I know you have class and schoolwork to do."

"I would have made time," he says sadly.

"It's fine, Harry, it really doesn't matter that much. It's just shopping."

"It matters to me, you love shopping," he mutters, looking down.

"Well you're here now!" Julia says brighter. "So what say we order pizza, kick back and watch TV?"

"Or, we make that soup," Harry suggests. "Look, I even bought the things we need: celery, carrots, beef, obviously."

"O-oh... okay," Julia gulps.

"And I bought things we need to make brownies! That should be quicker, right? I made them with Aria once and it took like ten minutes before they were in the oven."

"Oh, yeah. And Aria can help us, too!" Julia says excitedly, grinning at me. Just as I open my mouth, Harry speaks up.

"Well... I mean, I kinda hoped it would be just us two... you know like a date..." Harry says awkwardly. "Not that I don't want you around, Aria," he says quickly to assure me.

"No!" Julia dismisses him. "It'll be fun with all three of us! The more the merrier, right Aria?"

"Actually, I have a lot of work to do, so count me out," I say. Julia gapes at me as I gather all my things and go back to my room. I shut the door softly.

I can hear them talking and Julia complaining about not wanting to cook. Harry gets frustrating and pulls the "I did all this for you, can't you just do one thing that I ask?" and then Julia gets upset even more.

Deciding to intervene with the least involvement possible so they don't split up right now in our kitchen, I walk back into the living room to sit on my chair again. Both of them stare at me.

"What?" I shrug. "I submitted it, I'm free now."

"Harry, let's just watch TV, please. We'll cook some other day," Julia coaxes. Not wanting to argue more in front of me, Harry sighs and agrees. I inwardly groan that now I'm forced to hang out with them. Flicking the TV on, just as they sit, I see it's a showing of Avenger's Infinity War part one.

I change the channel quickly, but Harry shouts, "Wait no! That's a good movie! Put it back."

Reluctantly, I go back to the Avengers movie, and then sit back in my chair stiffly. This is not a good day for Julia.

"Wait—" Julia says as she realizes what we're watching. "But I don't like this superhero nonsense!"

Harry freezes then looks back and blinks at her in confusion. "What?"

"Harry, you know I don't understand this stuff! You have to watch all the movies and I haven't done that."

"But you said... Age of Ultron..." he stammers. Julia frowns at him in confusion. "B-but the hammer part! You said Steve—"

"Is that the Captain America guy?"

Harry gapes at her shock. Then he shakes his head in confusion before getting up.

"Look, I don't know what's wrong Julia, but you're not making any sense. If you don't want to spend time with me, then just fucking say it, okay?! No need to act like this!"

Harry grabs his jacket and storms out. Julia and I stare after him shock, having never seen him lash out like that. Harry's usually a calm, cool and collected guy.

"What the hell was that all about?!" Julia shouts at me, getting up.

"Wait—you're mad at me?!" I exclaim.

"Yes you! You know I don't know how to fucking cook and bake that shit! Why couldn't you help me? And then when I finally got him to sit and watch a movie you put on fucking Avengers, knowing he loves that shit and I don't know anything about it!"

"First of all, I didn't choose the movie! I just turned the TV on and as soon as I saw it, I changed the channel! And second, don't you dare accuse me when I told you to tell him the truth!"

"Urgh!" Julia screams. "I just hate this!"

"What?!"

"You! You acting like you're so much better than me!"

"That's not how I act and that is not what I think!" I tell her firmly.

"You don't think I deserve him," she states plainly.

"No," I say quieter. Julia's eyes widen. "No. You definitely don't deserve him."

"How can you say that?!" Julia start crying. My stomach drops, I didn't want her to cry! But I need to be honest with her, and if this is how it's happening then so be it.

"It's the truth Julia!" I respond, rising from my chair. "You pawn him off to me when you don't want to deal with him. You lie about giving him things because you don't want to put in the effort. He does so much for you, he does things he doesn't like just to please you! When are you going to realize you're not pulling your weight in this relationship?"

Maybe I was too harsh, but Julia starts looking like she's getting angrier and angrier. She's looks ready to pounce and murder me.

"And what? You deserve him?! What makes you better than me?"

I let out a loud mock laugh. "Are you joking right now? Apart from the fact that I did all the meaningful work in your relationship for you? I know things about him that you don't, and you would have if you bothered to pay him any attention. Do you have any idea how much of an amazing man you have? He has the kindest and sweet soul, and you don't even realize!"

"Where is all this coming from?" Julia inquires, tears pouring down her face. "If you felt like this, why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because—!" I shout then stop myself. My own tears start building up as I face the fact that this is when my biggest secret comes to light. My stomach coils, anxiety washing over me. My mouth tastes like lead as I grit out, "Because I love him."

Pin drop silence.

It's so deafening I can hear it ringing in my ears.

I risk a glance up at Julia's face and my tears pour out. She looks at me in utter betrayal.

"You... what?"

"I-I love him?" I crying softly before it turns to sobs.

"You love him," she deadpans. "You love Harry—my boyfriend, Harry?"

I cup a hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs before nodding.

"What the fuck were you thinking falling in love with my boyfriend?" she fumes, her hands curling in her hair in confusion. "Is—is this why you always hung out with him? You—"

"No!" I interrupt. She pauses and waits for me to explain, breathing heavily. "I-I... I saw him first..." I mutter, and it sounds just as pathetic as I feel. "I saw him at the orientation party in first year, that's w-why I set you up with Zayn. So you don't see him... I thought m-maybe I could gather up the courage and talk to him. We kissed."

Her eyes widen even more and her face turns to an ugly snarl.

"He didn't know it was me," I whisper. Her face smoothens out slightly. "He was blind-folded. I left as he opened it because I chickened out. But he t-took my hair scrunchie out... the Beatles one, the one you thought I lost. And I don't know I guess he still had it when you saw it and the universe decided to fuck me over by handing the guy I wanted to my best friend."

Her lip shakes and we both cry at the same time. Julia doesn't say anything, just patiently waits for me to continue.

"I never wanted to steal him from you, Jules, I could never do that to you," I whimper, choking on my sobs. "I tried to keep us apart... I tried to be a bitch to him so he would stay away and I tried to be weird but none of it worked, remember? He was still so kind and sweet... I just wanted him to be happy. I never thought he would like me, with you around," Julia shakes her head to negate, but I continue. "I thought you two were meant to be and I just wanted him to be happy and I wanted to be a good friend to you, that's why I did everything I did to make your relationship last."

"Does he love you?" her calmness takes me aback.

"I-I—"

And suddenly the door swings open again, and Harry looks up at us.

***

Dun dun dunnnnnn. Okay cat's out of the bag, at least partially! Harry still has to find out. Sorry for the late update I'm trying to stick to my Saturday schedule.

1. What do you guys think about Harry forgetting the kiss? Some of you didn't want it to happen, some predicted it.

2. Did anyone wonder why Zayn wasn't in the art history class before? I was hoping to catch y'all off guard but I wonder if anyone realized that I never put him in before and secretly wondered. Poor guy just trying to help them.

Please vote and comment what you thought and what you want to happen next! Thanks for reading :)

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#mastermind

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