#if someone chooses the last option please explain why

[harunayuuka2060]

Crowley: It's a relief that you recovered quickly. Now, can you explain how you ended up in that condition? This is the first time something like this has happened.

MC: Yes.

MC: ...

MC: I was with my friends. They invited me to a party. They told me we were just there to have fun.

MC: Then they asked if we could play a game. They promised it would be fun, like hide-and-seek. *smiles* I had no idea it was a game meant to hurt me.

Crowley: ...

Crowley: We should call the authorities. What are their names and addresses?

MC: Please don't bother.

Crowley: But this is serious!

MC: Even if I tell you, you won't be able to do anything.

Crowley: Why not? We have evidence to use-

MC: Sir, I am not from this world.

Crowley: ...What?

Professor Crewel: They’re clever. They quickly noticed that something was off about their surroundings.

Professor Trein: Poor kid, having to endure such violence.

Crowley: ...

Crowley: We can't accept a non-magic user in this school.

Professor Crewel: Do you have a way to send them back?

Crowley: ...

Professor Trein: And I’m opposed to it. No child would want to return after going through a traumatic experience.

Crowley: But what are they going to do here?

Professor Crewel: They've been chosen by the Dark Mirror, so technically, they're a student of Night Raven College.

Crowley: But they don't belong to any dorm! And it's not like anyone would be willing to take them in!

Professor Trein: Headmage.

Crowley: ...

Crowley: Alright. I will call all the dorm leaders to discuss it.

Professor Crewel: *brought MC to the Mirror Chamber*

MC: What am I-

Professor Crewel: I can’t see why the Dark Mirror would choose to bring you here without a reason. I believe there must be something special about you.

MC: *sad smile* I would like to consider it as a coincidence.

Professor Crewel: No. Look in the mirror.

MC: ...

The Dark Mirror: ...

Professor Crewel: ...

Professor Crewel: I see. The headmage is right-

The Dark Mirror: No. You were always a part of this world.

MC: Huh?

Professor Crewel: What does that mean?

The Dark Mirror: You were, and always have been, a part of this world.

Lilia: Malleus? There's something I would like to ask you.

Malleus: What is it, Lilia?

Lilia: Will you permit another student to be part of Diasomnia?

Malleus: If the Dark Mirror has placed them here, then I have no option but to comply.

Lilia: No, that's not the case.

Lilia: The Dark Mirror did not assign them a dorm. And all the others have refused to take them in.

Lilia: We are the last option.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: The decision is yours, Lilia.

Lilia: *smiles* Then, they’ll officially join Diasomnia starting tomorrow!

Crowley: Congratulations. A dorm has accepted you as a member. You’ll need to be there first thing tomorrow.

MC: ...

Crowley: Are you feeling alright?

MC: Yes. I'm just feeling a bit anxious.

Crowley: ...

Crowley: *pats them on the shoulder; gives them a reassuring smile*

Crowley: You’re a capable individual. I’m confident you’ll adapt quickly.

MC: ...

MC: *smiles* Thank you.

Crowley: ...

Crowley: For some reason, your smile reminds me of someone. Hmm...

MC: ?

Crowley: *decides to brush it off* Must be my imagination.

[katnissmellarkkk]

so re: @rosegardeninwinter’s ask about how burdock is related to the covey, i’m gonna tell you my interpretation. i don’t necessarily consider this a headcanon, though i probably should, but i feel so strongly this is the way we were meant to take burdock’s connection to the covey. so sorry to anyone who disagrees but ya know. if you reblog please be nice. we don’t need people getting all rude and snippy up in here. i know a lot of people dislike katniss being covey so keep going with your headcanons but this is how i interpreted the text.

and yeah, y’all, this is me with my tinfoil hat trying to make this all work together to make sense :

-

okay so, let me break this down from small to large.

the covey consisted originally of six members.

we had barb azure, lucy gray and maude ivory, blood cousins, all with the last name baird.

clerk carmine and billy taupe who are blood brothers with the last name clade.

then we have tam amber. no blood relations or last name in sight.

so there’s no reason to believe that any others are related to the covey unless it’s through these six. the whole idea i��ve seen thrown around on tiktok and twitter that maybe more people could be related to the covey is anti-canon. these six members were stated to be each other’s only living family in tbosas. there’s no other way into the covey than through one of these six.

-

so anyways, from there we can move onto the deaths in and after ballad.

we know billy taupe left/got kicked out of the covey when he started cheating on lucy gray with mayfair. and we know he and mayfair both died. so that takes him completely out of the conversation here. if suzanne ever decides burdock is his relation into the covey, it’ll be a weird, left field decision. so until then, i’m gonna count billy taupe out. although there is a sweet irony if billy taupe was burdock’s grandfather, considering that would mean katniss is the descendant of lucy gray’s ex and that would make it so much more infuriating for old coryo.

after that, lucy gray either was murdered by snow or disappeared. we’ll never know which. she had a gravestone in the covey graveyard but it’s most likely they did that when she ran away with coryo and never returned. the possibility of her return and later death creates a whole series of hoops to now jump through to make it work and with suzanne, often the simplest and most obvious answer is the correct one.

then we know maude ivory died somewhere between ballad and the ending of sunrise because she has a gravestone too in the covey graveyard. we’re not given any more info on this so this is where the real interpreting must begin to take place.

-

now we move onto lenore dove. here’s all we know about my girl here. her mother died in childbirth with her. she’s being raised by her uncles, clerk carmine and tam amber who are not biologically related to her, and her last name is also baird. no one knows who her father is. so to me, all signs point to her mother being maude ivory. she’s dead in the graveyard and her namesake poem is about a woman being scorned by her lover when he chooses to marry someone else (which fits well with lenore dove’s father never claiming her/maybe not even knowing she exists or is his).

-

so now that we’ve explained how everyone else is related in the covey, we need to cover our final two bases here :

barb azure is not mentioned in sunrise on the reaping once. she’s the only member of the covey, aside from billy taupe who kicked the bucket, who isn’t mentioned in the book.

burdock everdeen is related “distantly” to lenore dove, but haymitch says she’s not one of his everdeen cousins and that she has to be related through burdock’s mother. now why would suzanne specify this, unless she’s strongly hinting to us about the connection?

-

the only available avenue for burdock to be related to the covey would be through barb azure. as i stated before, there’s no canonical other option for someone to be related to the covey outside the six members mentioned in ballad. three of those members are dead by sunrise. that leaves three possible ones left and we know neither clerk carmine or tam amber are burdock’s father, because neither had kids and it’s through burdie’s ma that he’s covey anyways. that only leaves barb azure.

the relation would be considered distant as well, because lenore dove and him would be the children of two cousins. meaning their common ancestors would be their great-grandparents. that more than qualifies as a distant relation lololol.

another thing that links burdock to the covey biologically is his voice. singing voices are inherited, genetic traits (it’s not guaranteed you can sing if your parent can but i think y’all get what i mean). no male in the covey was said to be a talented singer but all three baird girls were. burdock has a remarkable singing voice according to katniss, peeta, otho and less so, haymitch. as does burdie’s little girl, katniss. this seems to also point to him being biologically related to the covey, which again, can only be through barb azure.

-

now i’m moving onto a few counter arguments i’ve seen against barb azure being burdock’s mother and why they don’t dissuade me from this interpretation at all :

“she’s gay” being the number one reason. because she was seeing a girl in ballad. i don’t know why this is such a strong argument against her being burdie’s mama. first off, barb azure likely could have been bi! or she could be in a lavender marriage in sunrise with burdock’s everdeen pa. i mean suzanne did take the time to sit down and tell us about there being an anti-gay sentiment in panem so maybe it was meant to be a double implication. maybe snow made this a thing when he came to power specifically to target the cousin(s) of lucy gray. who knows. but one line in ballad isn’t anywhere close to enough to discredit barb azure being burdock’s mama. and personally i prefer the she’s bi, because it’s much happier, for both her and burdie.

“she’s old” being the other reason. some think she’s too old and must be burdock’s grandma, and to that i still say, no <3. because it feels too complicated. and like i said above, with suzanne the most obvious is usually the correct assumption. also we don’t know how old barb azure is, just that she’s a little older than lucy gray. however we never ever hear of there being birth control in panem and especially not in the districts. so even if she’s in her forties, it’s not that hard to believe she is burdock’s mama. especially because we don’t even know how old burdock is technically. just that he’s younger than haymitch, who’s sixteen. but not by much since he’s standing with him at the reaping in sunrise.

the one thing i’ll also throw out there is, barb azure does not have a gravestone at the covey cemetery. meaning she’s not dead yet. i understand she could be burdock’s grandma and still be alive, of course lololol. but her being his mother and being on the older side would actually track much better with katniss never mentioning having a grandma/knowing her grandma at all. like haymitch knew his mamaw and talked about her/had fond memories of her. but katniss didn’t. she never even mentions meeting her grandparents. and from haymitch’s account, burdock’s ma sounded like a sweet lady, letting the kids play and waste the family resources for fun. like katniss would have loved her if she’d ever known the woman, so it tracks katniss didn’t know her or else she’d have mentioned it to us (or if suzanne had this more fleshed out back in 2008). which also fits well with barb azure being an older mother, meaning she probably died before katniss was even born since people don’t live typically to be that old in the seam.

-

now onto the other possibilities for burdock’s distant relation to the covey :

i already covered that i don’t buy that there’s a way to be even distantly related through any way other than the six members introduced in ballad.

barb azure and her lady friend from that one line in ballad adopted burdock. i don’t mind this one as a fanfic idea or if it makes people happy if they hate the katniss is covey theory because it takes away the biological connection to the family but i don’t see any reason for it to be taken too seriously. its once again too complicated and probably more hoops than suzanne intended for us to jump through.

maude ivory is burdock’s mom and lucy gray is lenore dove’s. I don’t dislike this idea at all. in fact, i really like it. i always wanted maude ivory to be burdock’s mom. and considering lenore dove is wearing remnants of lucy gray’s rainbow dress and she sings her songs (not that she knew her either way but still, the similarities) and the fact that a dove is half gray, i think it’s a really cool theory. but it also ruins the mystery of lucy gray and further complicates the story and i don’t buy into it unfortunately. but another reasoning i’ve seen for this idea is burdock knew where the graves were, indicating maybe maude ivory is his mother, as she had definitively already passed by the end of the sunrise and barb azure hadn’t. to which i just say, yeahhhh. but it’s their family graveyard. i don’t see why someone has to die for burdock to know where it is.

also just to throw in here one last detail : barb azure is named after the ballad of barbara allen, which based on my google search is a poem ultimately about a woman who rejects the love of a dying man only to die of grief herself after his passing… i don’t know, it’s not a perfect fit but why does that almost sound loosely like burdock and asterid, with him dying in the mines and her seemingly never recovering from her grief? why does it almost feel reminiscent of katniss and peeta in mockingjay? i don’t know, maybe it’s nothing, but i felt it was worth mentioning.

and now i hope that explains my interpretation well enough, because i’m so tired i can’t think of anything else to add. hopefully that all made sense but just to wrap it up here, once and for all :

maude ivory —> lenore dove (potential daughter) or burdock everdeen (potential son)

tam amber —> no biological kids

clerk carmine —> no biological kids.

billy taupe —> no biological kids.

lucy gray —> no biological kids/maybe lenore dove’s mother.

barb azure —> maybe burdock’s ma.

[auraisereigh]

"Assembeling an Assembly"

Chapter 5

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: Now that Star doesn't want to see Brennan, she has to find another way to occupy her time. Making an Assembly. wc: 4.5k ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Not much else. Typical Star humour. Flashback. Let me know if i missed something. Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names. Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader

Star's masterlist main masterlist

"get out of my house." My voice is quiet but sharp as I look at Brennan. His face falls immediately. "Let me explain-" he tries but I cut him off. "Out. Now." I bite out and this time I don't wait for his response, I get up from the table, take the scroll and walk out the mess hall.

It hurts. I got along with Brennan, found comfort in him. But he's her son. She killed my family. She burnt my home.

"Please, wait." Brennan begs as he stops in front of me. Damn his longer legs. "She's your mother." I say, my voice holding a hint of hurt this time.

"Yes, she's my mother." His voice holds a hint of, wait is that.... Disgust? "She lied to me, let me live a lie, fight for a lie." He's quiet for a while, most likely gathering his thoughts. "I refuse to live the lie." His voice holds a hint of anger, something I haven't heard from him, not even during the two weeks we spend in a cave hiding from everyone.

"You lied." I try to make my voice sound harsh but the hurt in it is undeniable. How could Naolin save someone like him? Someone who will become just like his mother? Ruthless and merciless. So at odds from what I've seen from him. The caring gentle soul... That just tore out the last remaining piece of my heart.

"You would look different at me." He says softly. He holds a point there but if he would have just told me it wouldn't have hurt as much. "Don't even try to deny it, you would and that's okay. It's understandable. She did horrible things, I could never blame you." Why does he need to be so caring. Why does he look at me like he cares so much about me.

"Get out." My voice sounds defeated now. I don't want him to leave but I can't even look at him anymore.

He places his hands on my shoulder as he inches closer. I keep my eyes on the ground, I can't look at him. Then I'd let the tears fall that are building up. "Please, I have nowhere to go... You're all I have." He pleads. My heart cracks even more than it has in the last few weeks. When I don't respond he comes even closer. I can feel his auburn curls softly on my forehead that's how close he's come. "Please." He pleads again, I can hear his voice crack.

"Stay out of my sight." I respond after a while. I get myself out of his grip and walk to my room. He doesn't protest or plead further. Something in my heart starts stitching up that I haven't fully lost him. But the trust we build up is gone and rebuilding that seems impossible.

The moment I'm in my room i let the tears fall, not as bad as when I found out my family had been executed or all the times after that I cried in Brennan's arms...

I take some tape and stick the roll on the wall next to my door.

☆

The next day I sit in my dad's office. This was the best way of getting Brennan out of my head for now. The Assembly idea is slowly coming together. Felix suggested that seven to eight people, including me would be a good number. So far I have:

1. Myself

Of course.

2. Felix

Because he gives good advice. It would be foolish not to include him.

3. Ulices.

He comes from Navarre, he's a rider and knows a lot about battles. He could help lead with what is left of the Infantry.

4. Trissa.

She's nice, I like her.

5. And Xaden.

When he comes back. It's only fair.

So two or three more people. There are some good options, Felix has been helpful with choosing and guiding me. It helps when your mind is a complete mess and thinking straight isn't my strong suit now.

The door opens and Felix walks through. Two mugs in his hand. Talk abou the devil.

"Good morning." He says as a greeting. I give him a soft glare. I don't hate him by any means, but I do hate mornings. "Morning."

He sets one of the mugs down in front of me. Coffee. "You know I don't drink coffee, right?" I ask him with a raised brow.

"You sure look like you could use it." He says back fast, almost like he already knew I was going to ask that. "What do you have for me?" He asks much softer. I give him the list of names, he'd seen it last night when I started but I threw some people out of the options and kicked one from the list of 'people I chose already'. He looks it over, he doesn't even look like he's judging, just interested.

He puts the paper down and scratches his beard. "Have you thought about Suri?" That's not what I was expecting. I thought he'd judge my choices, like my dad always taught how people would respond if I were to become Duchess. "She's a rider, knows a lot about battles and leading armies as she was in higher ranks at Basgiath. She'd have a good position in the assembly." He reasons. He holds valuable points. I snatch the paper back.

6. Suri.

Felix lets out an amused chuckle and slides me a small piece of paper with a few other names on. "Go through those too. They might surprise you." He says as he takes his mug and leaves again.

My eyes go down the list, some names I recognize some I don't. It's the name at the bottom that draws my attention.

Brennan Sorrengail, he's a skilled strategist and a phenomenal rider.

I take my pen and scratch through the name. Again and again untill you can't make out what was written to begin with.

☆

Hours later I might have a full Assembly. All eight people. Felix, Ulices, Kylynn, Trissa, Aethan, Suri, Xaden and me.

The list has been made and approved of by Felix, though I did notice the frown when he saw Brennan's scribbled name. I haven't seen him all day. I know I told him to stay away but I didn't think he'd actually do it. According to Felix he's been questioned and confined in his room since the news spread about his actual identity.

Maybe it's better that way. Maybe he is like his mother, if he is... lord knows what he came to do here. But he probably didn't plan to die either....

Letters has been sent out for the first meeting tomorrow, even if we do all live in the same house, still we sent letters with all the information needed.

By night time I make my way to the family quarters, right next to my dad's office. It still looks untouched, over the week I've been back I've either been in my dad's office or my own room.

There are still small things left from my family, books from my aunt, old papers from my dad, his favorite pillow still in place from the last night we spent together.

☆

I'm curled up against dad, his arm over my shoulder as Sylas, Garrick's father fills another glass with scotch. Auntie is on the other side of the couch, going through her books.

"any updates for Xaden and Catriona?" Sylas asks as he sips his drink. "I think it would do Xaden some good to visit Cordyn again. Just to take some of the stress off his shoulders." My dad responds.

I look at the cover of the book my aunt is reading, it's an old love story, I've read it once.

"I don't like her." I mutter under my breath. I'd never liked her, she was arrogant, all she wanted was a throne, she didn't care for my brother.

Dad lightly slaps my shoulder. "You don't have to like her. Just don't try to stab her again and all will be fine." His tone is lighthearted and I can't help but let out a soft chuckle at the memory.

After a while I yawn and decide to go to bed, after all it's been stressful and busy lately with the Rebellion. Dad thinks we're close to winning, but I can't but doubt that, though I will never show him that. "I'm gonna go to bed, it's late. I'll see you all tomorrow morning." I announce.

"Goodnight sweetheart." My dad says back, just like Sylas and auntie say their good nights.

I sit on my bed once I make it to my room. I haven't cleaned it up in a while, I barely have the time lately. I change into something comfortable and lay in bed, the soft sheets are a nice presence. A strak contrast with the harshness we live in currently.

I look over to my bedside table, filled with all kinds of things, some things shouldn't even be on a nightstand.

My eyes fall to the sleep potion my dad bought for me when sleeping became increasingly difficult.

☆

I look at the same bedside table, still messy and the potion still in the same place.

Dad always made things simple when It came to potions or medicine. A few small droplets in some water should be enough to let me sleep throughout the night. Dad would always prepare it for me from beforehand.

I stare at it, more memories pouring into my mind as I fall asleep to a deep, dreamless sleep.

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd @randomperson1234sblog

[windvexer]

O ye wise Chicken

I call to thee

For advice on a matter

Harken to me!

So anyways, I have always had incredible luck, my partner on the other hand… let’s say that it’s not the worst in the universe. If you were trying to turn someone’s luck around, who was almost radioactively unlucky, how would you go about it? Thank you for your time and for answering all of our questions, oh wise Chicken! 🙌🏻

Good evening.

For any magical operation where some concept is out-of-order (luck, prosperity, relationships, etc) it's not always helpful to just add in more of the concept (conjure luck, conjure relationships, and so on).

Absence-of-concept is only ever one reason for things to be out of order, and it may be a symptom rather than a cause itself. There are many reasons why any particular concept could be malfunctioning.

Therefore, you've got two options: figure out what is causing the malfunction and then address it, or go in blind with a broad spectrum plan of action.

Divination, probably especially energy reading, can pinpoint why luck is out-of-order. However this may be a tricky read to tackle, and also requires the skill to make a custom plan of action. Also, exploring and thinking is tiring, and it can be easier to just take action.

Any time something is out-of-order - luck, job, relationships, timing, what have you - try a plan of action similar to this one, and see if it helps. You should take careful notes of all the actions you take, because if it doesn't help, you will need those notes to help troubleshoot.

First, an offering to the spirit world. The function is to please helpful spirits and stir them to action; but also to appease unhelpful spirits who may be causing trouble. This offering may be done once, but the ritual should be undertaken seriously, with as pleasing of gifts as can be reasonably offered. Jason Miller has a nice general offering in his book Protection and Reversal Magick, which is a good format to follow.

No matter what ritual you follow, it is vital to include a portion that explains this offering is being done out of respect to the spirit world, to soothe any tensions, and to supplicate aid from any helpful parties.

Second, a personal cleansing and hex-breaking. A person does not need to have actually been hexed or cursed to benefit from hex-breaking. Find or develop a spell which breaks up, destroys, banishes, or evacuates jealous and deleterious energies from around the unlucky person. In fact, any spell to break the evil eye will likely serve. Perform a personal cleansing before or after (or both) to wash off any last trace of jealousy cast on by another.

Third, a personal amulet generally designed to protect against the evil eye (for some reason I suppose I think this is an evil eye situation), but also against bad luck in general: have it rebuff or turn away these things, sort of like a bumper that will bounce your unlucky person off of misfortune and steer them in a new direction.

(For those not dealing with luck, protect against whatever it is you want to stop - protect against loneliness, for example. Envision that you do not have absence of friendship energy but rather intrusion of aloneness energy. This is not necessarily literal, but it is a thought exercise to help develop strategic plans of action and deploy magic in a greater variety of ways)

Fourth, any spell to conjure what is desired. So for your unlucky partner, any spell to conjure or manifest luck. This can be done either as a one-off spell, or something continuous; if you want to do more magic, then do both. A one-shot spell to get things started and a continuous spell to carry the torch. Explore Allspice for luck spells, as well as any cultural luck charms.

Fifth, engage in cultural rituals to bring about what you desire. For luck, a lucky rabbit's foot, found dimes, numerical clovers, or hung horseshoes are all cultural symbols in these parts; choose one, and invest in it. This is a different kind of magic - folk magic, if you like - that's more about linking and aligning to the whole.

Someone radioactively unlucky is, perhaps, unplugged from the whole. The natural exchange passes around them without touching them. A cultural ritual is an action of reconnection, to indicate they are stepping back into the game. At least, this is what I think.

Anyway if this is all too much, I highly recommend that you, Anon, do not skip #2. Throw in a protection amulet and I expect things might level out.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Max 🥊 please

Sounds good! Not quite 1k for 🥊because I don't have a ton left and still one more bigger ask:

---

“A mirror?” Chris asks.

“I would’ve done the exact same thing,” Dad explains. 

Chris blinks. Is that what Grandma meant? When she said they were exactly alike?

“At my age?” Chris asks.

“Sure, but even more recently than that, too,” he says.

“What?” Chris asks, incredulous. 

Dad sighs. “A few months after your mom died, I got into an argument in a parking lot with this guy pretending to be disabled. And he said some really rude things, so I snapped and punched him in the face.”

Christopher’s jaw drops. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Dad admits. He doesn’t sound proud. “Spent a couple of hours behind bars for it, too.”

“What?” Chris demands. “Dad!”

“It was stupid of me. I could have gotten in a lot of trouble,” Dad says. “I was very lucky. And so are you.”

“Yeah, Abuelo told me all about how much worse trouble I could be in,” Chris sighs. 

“I know it’s annoying to ever admit either of them was right,” Dad says. “But this one time, he was right.”

“I know,” Chris whispers.

“But I’m not mad, Chris. And you’re not in trouble with me. Because… Because I know that you’re doing it because things suck. Things suck and you’re in pain. And that one moment of relief where you finally get to let someone else feel it? Someone who deserves to feel it? It’s intoxicating. And I know it’s my fault you’re in that much pain to begin with.”

 Chris can’t help it. He tears up. Because, yeah. Exactly. To all of that. That’s all exactly right, and… And why is it fair that the person who understands is the person who put him in this position to begin with?  

“How did things get so bad?” Chris finally bursts. “I didn’t want to feel like this! I wanted to feel better!”

Dad gets up, rounds the table, and hugs him. This time, Chris lets him.

“I know,” he says gently. “I’m so sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have left,” Chris cries into Dad’s shirt. “I know it was stupid. But I didn’t know what else to do! Why did you make me do that?”

 “I’m so sorry,” he says again. “I’ve never regretted anything more than hurting you. I never meant to hurt you. I meant to end it… She wasn’t supposed to be there. I… I can explain what happened.”

“I know why it happened!” Chris snaps. “Obviously, I know. She looked just like Mom. I wanted to talk to her, too, but…”

“But what, Chris?” Dad asks.

“But you got, and I didn’t, and… And all I got was the hurt,” Chris says.

“Oh, Christopher,” Dad says, squeezing him. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You got to know her for so long!” Christopher says. It’s like an accusation. Like Dad did something wrong to have known her longer. When, of course, that’s just life. And life isn’t fair. 

“I know,” he replies softly. “And every single day it feels like I didn’t know her long enough. So I can't imagine how much worse that feels for you.”

“I can’t remember anything,” Chris sobs. “Not really. I wish I could but I don’t.”

“It’s so unfair,” Dad tells him. “It’s so, so unfair.”

“I don’t know how to feel better,” Chris tells him. “I’m just… I’m always mad or sad or something. I don’t… I can’t…”

“We’re going to get through it,” Dad promises, kissing the top of his head. “It’s always going to hurt. But we’re going to work through it, okay?”

“I don’t want to be mad anymore,” Chris cries.

“All I’ve wanted was for you to be happy,” Dad says. “That’s all I want. Maybe we can both be happier. I think we can do that, don’t you?”

Chris sniffs. “I want to be happy.”

“Let’s do that then, okay? Can you try, with me? To work through this?”

And, just like Buck said last night, Chris realizes he has an option. He can choose to continue feeling miserable all the time. Or he can at least try. He can forgive his dad, and he can try to move forward.

“Yeah,” Chris says. “I want to try.”

He feels the sigh of relief his dad lets out.

“I love you so much,” Dad says. “No matter what. I love you so much, Christopher.”

And Christopher knows that if he’s going to try, he needs to tell the truth. He needs to stop trying to be hurtful.

“I love you, too, Dad. And I really missed you.”

iv.

They end up going to the beach.

A few days before Chris is set to return to school in L.A., and Eddie is set to return to work. They go to the beach. 

It’s Christopher’s request. Not one Eddie expects. He wants to go to the beach where they spent time with Shannon before she died. It’s not the last place Christopher saw her, but it’s the last place he says he remembers seeing her.

[alianoralacanta]

This may be too forward, and I don't tend to use anon option, but that was the deal. So my assumption is that you were quite misunderstood as a child and perhaps felt out of place/excluded by your peers. Despite that, you didn't turn out bitter, instead you kept your integrity and treat the world around you with patience and kindness (not sure if this last part can be confirmed by you, people on the receiving end should probably weigh in : D).

I don't know a lot about you/your profile, but whenever I see your posts, they come across as someone who can't be baited into negativity, even when addressed with such, and who always tries to respond calmly and respectfully. You also don't seem to utilise sarcasm much and are never rude or mock any questions. The responses can also reach an impressive level of detail, which is probably to meet your own standards, not the expectations of those who asked. Hence my assumption about potential issues with finding common ground with other children in early life.

This is obviously a crazy assumption to make from very little info. Please don't take it too seriously, it's just for fun.

Warning! Long entry alert!

This has taken a while because my first three attempts, for various reasons, didn't quite answer the question that appears to be asked.

Part 1: Childhood and why "Warning! Long entry alert! sometimes gets used on my blog

Some of what you see can probably be attributed to things like this, other parts are more setting-specific. Also: I'm not the youngest or newest person on Tumblr. Demonstrating kindness and patience is easier for people who have had more opportunities to practise, including specifically in the Tumblr setting.

I was diagnosed autistic before starting school, at a time when written information about autism was limited (and often assumed a special-school-to-institution pathway, which my diagnostician said would be a terrible idea in my case). Thus, for most of my childhood, I was in a situation where nobody fully understood me, including myself. A lot of time got spent explaining things I regarded as obvious to well-meaning but misunderstanding people.

(It still happens today. Part of that is because of my job; an IT phone technician who doesn't get a customer who doesn't understand what they're saying at least once per day probably isn't taking enough calls. Also, I'm partway through degree #2 and if pushing the boundaries of understanding enough, controlled mutual misunderstanding becomes part of the learning process. Also, being autistic in a neurotypical world lends opportunities for everyone to misunderstand each other). I think everyone starts life meaning to be, then progresses to meaning to be kind. However, one has to learn how to be kind in a way that other people can appreciate, otherwise the best one can hope for is to come across as random and strange (because they are being, but don't know how to express the being they actually are in a form they can understand). My primary school was good at teaching how to be kind in a structured way, which meant most of my class ended up generally choosing a mutually understood form of kindness by the time we were 11. The one person who didn't learn that set off a fire alarm (when there was no fire) at age 10 and got expelled.

It's hard to hold people not knowing stuff against them if it is established early on that nobody could have taught them otherwise.

Also, it became apparent early on that if I wanted to have grace extended to me for not knowing that (for example) one is meant to check before giving a full answer to "How are you?", it paid to extend the same grace to people who don't understand that an unseen and unwarned pat on the back is painful for me. (People don't do that as much on Twitter, which more than once reminded me of secondary school and the deliberate misunderstanding bullies did there).

The way I got into F1 social media is also a factor in my personality and how it is conveyed on Tumblr.

It was 2003, I started on a forum, and the one I started on (Home of F1) had a particularly argumentative (and blunt) forum member who would argue about anything. If that forum member was writing here, I think half of F1blr would have blocked them. However, I quickly discovered that if one knew one's position well and could provide evidence for that position (something I'd learned to do in ethics class), that forum member would be impressed instead of argumentative.

The result was that I got a reputation for writing essays. (The "Warning! Long entry alert!" comes from there. I was once informed by a forum member that although they appreciated reading my essays, they also sometimes had only 20 minutes to read the forums, in which case reading one of my long essays risked using all of that time on one post!

[loflr]

Training a Husband

Hello again, Brian here.

Important Note ...

I had posted this before Diane had looked at it and I wanted to get her opinion. Broadly, she agrees with what I've said, but mentioned two things that she thinks I should have emphasised before delving into the nitty-gritty of training. I will explain this in more detail in my next post, but firstly, she would have liked me to have explained at the start why training is necessary in a loving relationship, in order to put the discipline into context. If she needs to punish me it is not just for the hell of it, but because she is trying to adjust my behaviour towards something that we have both agreed that we want to work towards. In other words, it's not just about obeying rules for their own sake, but is done with loving intent.

Her second point was that this is only something which is relevant early in a relationship, and should not be necessary after the man has been trained. Rather nicely, she thinks that I am almost trained already and she doesn't envisage punishment being necessary for me. Let's hope that turns out to be true!

...

Learning obedience is not hard, just ask anyone who has served in the forces, but training a man to instinctively behave in a certain way is no easy task. I say this from the perspective of someone who is currently being trained; no matter how hard I try I keep making stupid mistakes and letting Diane and myself down. I believe that the woman’s role in the relationship is actually more difficult than the man’s, especially if she is not used to showing her assertive side. One of the nice side-effects of my training is watching how she is growing into the role and getting better and better.

Once the man has agreed to the rules, he must be instructed as to what the woman expects of him. This is likely to be an ongoing, continuous process, as she is unlikely to have a definitive list of what she wants right at the outset, and her expectations will almost certainly change as the FLR progresses. At the start, she might think that all she can expect of her man is to do some specific household chores, but over time, as she becomes more assertive, she might want to expand this so that he performs all domestic tasks and actually dedicates himself entirely to serving her. She will probably develop her own particular style of leadership, and whether she chooses to ask politely or instruct curtly is entirely her choice.

A few ground rules need to be established before training starts:

Obey all commands without question and without hesitation;

A request is the same as a command, just because she says, "Please", doesn't make it optional;

Obey all commands to the absolute best of your ability;

Do not be insolent, do not argue or talk back to the lady. This includes non-verbal signals, such as huffing, tutting, sighing, eye-rolling etc.;

Remain silent when she is talking and give her your full attention. Do not watch TV or use phones or any other device while she is talking to you;

Common sense is its own rule.

The last of these is perhaps worth explaining. Should you need to be told that if the waste bin is full then it should be emptied? If there are cups in the sink, should you need to be told to wash them up? If there is some rubbish on the floor, should you need to be told to pick it up? Of course, it is her decision, not yours, as to what she thinks that you should do without being told.

What follows is a description of an approach to training which I have tried to base on our own, but remember that we have only been doing this for eight weeks and are still in the "honeymoon phase" of our new dynamic. You would not expect disobedience on a grand scale from a husband two months into a marriage. Although we have talked a lot about training and discipline, the question of disobedience has not really arisen. So, at the moment, these notes reflect my opinions, and once Diane has read this I will be able to update it with her ideas. After all, she is actually the teacher/trainer.

Your own approach may be completely different, and we would be interested to hear about other things that you may have tried.

We can't talk about training without using emotive words. The terms discipline, disobedience, correction, scolding and punishment can be confusing, especially when used within personal relationships, and although they all actually mean something different, the words are often used as synonyms. On-line at least, they seem to have been taken over by the kink community, and Internet searches for them will often return BDSM websites, which are not particularly relevant to the kind of training that we are attempting. Despite what many people think, discipline actually refers to teaching; the literal meaning of the word “disciple” is “a follower of a teacher or leader”. Unfortunately, outside of the religious context, the word has come to be synonymous with punishment, which has in turn become associated with BDSM. There is, however, far more to teaching than the simple application of punishment.

The first step in the training process is for the woman to tell her man what she expects of him, in teaching terms, this is the "lesson". You might as well think of "lesson" and "command" as being one and the same thing, because they boil down to the same thing; she is telling you what she wants you to do. I will assume that you have decided between you on a scope for your FLR, but the example scenarios that I use in this post relate to domestic chores. Let's have a look at a sample lesson/command. Remember back in school you had different teachers each with different approaches; your lady might also adopt a variety of styles.

The lesson below is instructing you that from now, she is expecting you to prepare the evening meal every day. The style which she chooses is entirely up to her.

“It would be really nice if dinner was ready by the time I get home in the evenings”

“From today, dinner is to be ready by eight o’clock every evening”

Whether her style is "nasty" or "nice" really depends on how she wishes to drive the dynamic. I am finding that two months ago she started my training with the first approach, and every week since then she has been getting closer and closer to the second. I think that this is fantastic and it shows that she is really taking my training seriously and that our new dynamic is not just changing me, but it's having an effect on her as well.

Now, in a perfect world, from this point onwards the lady will be presented with a delicious meal every evening at the appropriate time. But it's not a perfect world, is it? When I was young we never played indoors, but roamed around outdoors joining in football and cricket games, chasing robbers or shooting cowboys. Was I always home in time for tea? Sometimes I was, but sometimes I forgot or lost track of time. Sometimes, if I was having a great game of football, I would stay out even if I knew that I would be late for tea; I would either have forgotten what happened last time I was late, or I decided to take the risk anyway. You never know, I had a large family and sometimes tea was late and mum didn't notice one more child creeping sheepishly into the kitchen. Well, I don't play football, cricket, or cops and robbers any more, but nothing much else has changed. One day, dinner might be late, or even absent, for a broadly similar range of reasons.

So, one day, the clock chimes eight and dinner is noticeable by its absence - there has been a gap between the expectations of the lady of house and her husband’s performance. I prefer to use the word “disobedience” to describe this lapse. Discipline is the process of correcting his behaviour so that the gap is closed, and remains closed. The correction process may or may not involve punishment.

The first step on the woman’s part should be to point out the disobedience and demand an explanation. This should not be an invitation for the husband to parade a list of excuses; there can actually be very few legitimate reasons why a meal might not have been prepared by a certain time. Offering an excuse, rather than immediately apologising, is actually a further act of disobedience.

The act of pointing out disobedience can also be part of the correction process. Scolding is an old-fashioned word, but it nicely describes "pointing out disobedience" in a semi-formal way. Its whole tone will let him know that this is a serious matter; it's not just dinner being late, it's disobedience and he has deliberately disobeyed your commands. This is disrespectful to you and to the dynamic.

Try to make a scolding as formal as possible. Make him stand up straight and face you, tell him to take his hands out of his pockets if necessary. Hold his chin between your thumb and forefinger, which will focus his attention and put him into a submissive state; he will most likely be very nervous as he will have no idea what is happening, and what will happen next. Tell him that he has been disobedient and disrespectful, and that he has let you down. Mention the offence once, but from then on use the word "disobedience". For example, "you know that I expect dinner by eight o'clock every evening. I will tolerate this disobedience". He should be made aware that you have better things to do with your time than having to correct his bad behaviour - FLR is supposed to be making your life easier, and making you happier.

Once she has made him aware of his disobedience, the lady should then take some action to correct the bad behaviour. How might she proceed? I don't want this blog to turn into a list of suggested punishments for a variety of offences, but why not make him set an alarm on his phone to warn him at seven o'clock to start preparing the meal. So, she has a plan, and that can be incorporated into the scolding. Along with the plan should be an indication of what will happen if the disobedience happens again. For example:

"I want you to immediately set a daily alarm on your phone for seven o'clock in the evening. When you have done that, bring me your phone so that I can check. While I am checking your phone I want you to stand up straight and look down at the floor. When I have finished I want you to get out of my sight for at least 5 minutes. This must not happen again, and if it does, you will be punished. You definitely do not want that to happen, it will be unpleasant and it will be memorable".

This is probably sufficient for a first offence. I know that I would not want to be on the receiving end of a scolding like that. I can only imagine that I would be shaking half way through.

How can more serious disobedience be corrected? All wives will have different ideas about different levels of disobedience. For example, Diane gets very annoyed by finding empty packaging in the fridge. I found this out because one day I had the last apple from a pack and left the empty packet in the fridge. She told me that she did not want it to happen again. Fair enough. She didn't scold me, I suppose because she had never mentioned it before (although she could have been harsher and said that this was a commonsense rule). Was this serious disobedience? I don't think so, and thankfully, neither did Diane. But what if I deliberately disobeyed one of her commands, suppose she tells me to mow the lawn but I go to the pub instead. Does continual disobedience make an offence more serious? How many times can she tell me to throw away empty packaging before something really needs to be done?

This is where punishment must start to feature in the correction process. Although the scolding I described above is starting to creep into punishment territory, my next post will go into this in a lot more detail.

Don't Digress

If you are scolding your man for a particular act of disobedience, like dinner not being ready, then stay laser-focused on that and resist the temptation to tack on any other niggles that you might have. If he left his socks on the bathroom floor, or hasn't washed the dishes, this is not the time to bring this up. If the scope of a scolding grows, then this might start to be perceived by the man as nagging. If he signed up for FLR because he thought that it might mean an end to nagging, then this will not help your dynamic.

Also, if the lady is holding up her end of the FLR bargain, then he should have already been disciplined about socks, dishes etc. anyway (remember Rule 3 - immediate action will be taken by the woman in response to any unsatisfactory behaviour by the man).

Nagging

Scolding is not nagging (i.e. constantly harassing someone to do something). There should never be any need to scold a man about the same thing twice.

Weaponised Incompetence

Ah, the default position of teenagers and men! If you do a job badly enough, then you will never be asked to do it again. What if he cooks a meal which is deliberately so bad that she will never ask him to cook again? This is something that the lady should have absolutely zero tolerance for.

I think that it is reasonable for the lady, in this situation, to proceed immediately to punishment. There is no need to identify a gap in his performance and to come up with a plan to close it; he has deliberately put the gap there. I would say that the punishment should be immediate and severe (i.e. the upper limit of your agreed boundaries). This is a deeper problem than the presentation of an unappetising meal. Weaponised incompetence is a direct disrespect of the dynamic. The husband is, in effect, trying to find ways to wheedle his way out of the obligations that he has agreed to. I believe that in this situation, his punishment should be as severe as your boundaries allow.

If this happens, it might be worthwhile having a discussion as to whether or not he is actually fully committed to the FLR. This is not an irredeemable situation, he may have been just taking a chance - he is only a man after all. It could be that immediate severe punishment is enough to resolve the problem and put the dynamic back on track.

How does She Feel about This?

It is no small thing for a woman to discipline her man. If you look back at my earlier example of a scolding, that would take an extremely assertive lady to deliver. It would be even harder for her to do this in such a tone as to leave him shaking and promising eternal obedience. This is as unnatural for her as it would be for him if the boot were on the other foot.

Not every woman is necessarily suited to this style of discipline, and you or your wife make take a completely different approach to training. Who knows, you might be lucky enough to not need training. However, if this a route that she chooses, then I would expect that things will evolve over time, and get better with practice. This is why I said, way back in the first paragraph, that the woman's role in the training process is harder than the man's - all I have to do is learn to do what I'm told!

Please remember that this is just my interpretation of the training process. Diane will be reading this and she will doubtless have her own opinions on the matter. With any luck this will provoke a discussion that might result in me changing this particular post. I will keep you all posted.

When talking about discipline it is also important to avoid "topping from the bottom". The purpose of FLR is not for your wife to spend her time punishing you. Presumably, if you need continual punishment, then you are not working diligently to keep her happy. It's supposed to be about her, not you. Yes, you will certainly need to be trained, but one day you are supposed to graduate!

My next post will be on the emotive subject of punishment within a FLR. Just so you know, I will only be looking at non-physical punishments.

Brian

[bookscandlesnbts]

It's confirmed Jisoo and her actor bf broke up after 3 months of dating because of busy schedule. Just 3 months. This is the reality of kpop relationships especially if they both are celebs. Mostly it's hookups but if they somehow get past that stage it usually lasts from 2 months - 1 - 2 years. There there's shippers believing Jimin and JK are in a relationship for past 5-6 years ? Even if shippers are dumb and ignorant of reality, I don't think JK and JM are. When they can literally have anyone they want they are NOT chosing to stay with a single person for their whole life. Please let's be real.

Now I'm wondering whether the woman with JK in apt was indeed his gf but ex. It happened in Feb- March period. It was leaked after 5 months. Probably he broke up before that so he didn't lied when he said he doesn't have a gf and just wanna focus on work now. Remember he wasn't doing any work then. Whether it was ex or not, this is the reality of kpop relationships now you decide whether you wanna believe these two young men, who are busy af and have ton of other options, is choosing to stay with each other.

Oh anon y’all gotta stop being so corny 🤣 why would someone stay in a relationship for 5-6 years? Why? Idk anon maybe they are in love and have a special bond with one person. Love exists. Happy monogamous relationships of all sexual orientations exist. I might not be in one and maybe never will but I’m not cynical like you. Damn. Maybe that person makes them happy. Not everyone is promiscuous and wanting one night stands and causal hook ups. Y’all need to stop watching dramas or thinking through a western lens or thinking that you “know” the kpop industry or whatever y’all are doing because it’s really silly.

I don’t follow the BlackPink members. I don’t care who they date or what they do. Tbh, I don’t follow most celebs. The only celebs I’ve really cared about are BTS.

There is nothing to wonder. JK debunked it. The footage was grainy. The apartment wasn’t the same. The man was unidentifiable wearing a mask, and the woman was clearly pregnant. But sure, she was JK’s ex so that means he has a whole ass kid now 🤣 the side eye I’m giving you is so real. 🙄

Being busy doesn’t mean that you can’t be in a stable relationship. And since you are so skeptical anon, maybe their “busy schedules” wasn’t the reason Jisoo and that guy broke up. Maybe she ended up not liking him and that’s the most amicable way to explain a break up. There are so many explanations.

You aren’t a jikooker. That much is clear. You are the type wanting to believe that Jungkook is straight so you are latching onto whatever fantasy puts him in the vicinity of dating a woman. This is a Jikook blog for those that believe that they are in a happy, loving long term relationship. I probably should have blocked you, but this was too goofy to not give a response. I’m not the one ignorant of reality. I saw Jimin’s live yesterday where Jungkook made an appearance. More information could be gathered about the nature of Jikook’s bond from that two minute interaction than your whole narrative based on a broken up heterosexual relationship. I watched Jimin’s doc and paid attention to the lyrics and the significance of Jungkook being on Letter, a hidden track on an album very personal to Jimin’s life story. I watched them flirting on live throughout this year, Jimin saying that he can handle Jungkook laying in bed half naked. I watched Jungkook gush over Jimin for 90 minutes straight with hearts in his eyes. Anon, did you? If you haven’t, maybe you should and stop coming up with nonsense based theories. Jungkook isn’t the manwhore of the kpop industry that you want him to be. He’s a queer man in love with his bandmate until proven otherwise. And by proof, I mean actual proof not a grainy video that he himself debunked. Give it up already.

[tenebrius-excellium]

I'm a bystander in all this, but I do wonder why you have such trouble believing that hiccups isn't some naive pacifist when in the very first film he chooses to kill the red death instead of trying to tame it? Or at least try and understand it? Like for the pacifist you think he is, that would be the very, very last option even when his loved ones are in danger, for any pacifist that would be the last step the one he didn't want to do (which he obviously did as every show/film after that shows hiccup feeling no remorse or disgust over it). And for hiccup letting his enemies walk all over him, that's most likely a self-preservation thing? For all the years of abuse and neglect he's been through, just because he's letting that happen doesn't mean he's not still thinking of ways to destroy them It's just to keep himself safe? This isn't hate or anything towards you, I like your blog, but I just think it's really part of the phenomenon that's so prevalent in fandom spaces nowadays that fanon/someone's hcs get so big they often get mistaken for canon and not a lot of people are engaging with the actual story in any way after a while, or they skim it so they don't get the depth of what's actually the truth. Again no hate obviously but I guess It's difficult for people like me to see takes like 'Hiccup is a pacifist' when everything else tells us otherwise or tells us he won't feel bad using violence and death to get what he wants or to get results when we know a real pacifist is usually a centrist and hiccup is very much not that

Heya! Hoo boy there are some misunderstandings making the rounds now oops.

My original take on this was: Og Hiccup, which means Httyd1 Hiccup, and Httyd1 Hiccup ONLY, is NOT a pacifist. Og Hiccup knows exactly what's at stake and acts accordingly. Og Hiccup is careful to extend his trust, as are the dragons he comes into contact with. And og Hiccup gives his love fully and lavishly when his trust is rewarded while simultaneously not hesitating to take out the Red Death because that dragon is clearly the source of all the pain that Berk and the other dragons have been through.

To me, every other Hiccup, especially RttE and Httyd2 Hiccup, is a pacifist. @/howtodrawyourdragon correctly opened my eyes to the fact that Rob/Dob Hiccup might not have been a pacifist after all, because that's when Berk was still characterized as tough and violent and everyone was still cooling off from the whole 'killing dragons' mindset. Enemies were also not 'misunderstood friends' yet. Like. The first enemies young Hiccup encountered were literal Outcasts. I don't remember if it was ever actually explained if the Outcasts are merely a tribe like the Berserkers, but the term Outcasts alone gave me a kind of impression that made the Berkians correct in treading with caution around them. Like. Outcasts are typically people who have failed to be integrated into society, so they have been banned to Outcast Island, no? Idk, anyway, it was full of evil-meaning thugs. There may have been a reason for Hiccup to stay vigilant.

What surprises me, through and through, to this day, is that Httyd2 Hiccup was written to be such a well-meaning pacifist. Like. Httyd1 Hiccup wasn't like that, why suddenly go there? It's like the director fumbled an arc out of his sleeve that Hiccup had to "go through" for growth, only... to me, Hiccup never needed that particular lesson. "A Chief protects his own", please, what else was the fight against the Red Death? The fights against Alvin? Hiccup had been doing that already. It was a fictional lesson to create plot for Httyd2.

Hiccup went soft in Httyd2. Artificially soft. Pacifist soft.

THAT is what I was aiming to analyze. I should have specified more.

RttE Hiccup fluctuates, but I don't want to open that can anymore.

I do not think og Hiccup is a pacifist. I think Httyd2 Hiccup was unnecessarily written as one. THAT is what surprised me. To write Hiccup as a peace-loving animal activist with a flower crown who can't understand, even after repeated warnings, how Drago might not share his starry-eyed opinion. When he had been fighting his own father on his stubbornness for at least a whole summer back in the first movie. Hiccup is not that blind, or dumb. Especially at age 20.

So I agree that the fandom milked Hiccup a bit too much for his supposed pacifism, but it's clearly a canon post-Httyd2 issue as well. Since RttE came out AFTER the second movie, the RttE writers had to somehow match Hiccup's character with what would lead up to his decisions in the second movie. That, to me, is why RttE is a bit sketchy in this regard.

It's all in good faith here, thank you for taking the time to send such a lengthy ask. You made very good points, especially considering the fact that Hiccup was an underdog who had to learn how to stand up for himself first (the 'keep head down out of self-preservation' thing). This is very true and might have made a better arc for Httyd2 imo. Telling Hiccup "babe, wake up, you're not being bullied anymore, you have actual influence now and people want you as Chief. You just gotta find the confidence to believe in yourself." Yeah.

Does that clarify things a little bit?

Cheers

Reddie

[ask-postcrash-curly]

Lobcorp voice coming at you live from the game that makes me want to put a gun in my mouth. I do send other questions I just dont introduce myself as Lobcorp guy in them.

I have three identical boxes for you to choose: each one contains an abomination itching to kill and eat you or do some repugnant things to your body in general. They all differ in every way, but you can only tell their boxes apart by a singular tag line. If you want, I can tell you about them, but I wanna see which boxes you’d be most partial to just on one-liners alone and why.

0-06-20: “And the many shells cried out one word; “Manager”.”

0-04-08: “The girl begged in tears. “Mister, please cut off my feet…”

T-01-54: “”What’s really pitiful is people like you dying to the likes of me.””

Im gonna assume youre gonna pick one that sounds the least dangerous to deal with and if I’m wrong explain and if you are, also explain your choice.

Uh. I’m a little lost here, but I’ll give it a shot. Let me see.

I have no idea what the shells one is supposed to mean. Seems like they’re calling out for their boss…? Which I guess would be me. So there’s an option.

“Mister, please cut off my feet…” Well, I’ve already lost those! So maybe that one wouldn’t be so bad, yeah? Hm.

“People like you dying to the likes of me.” God, that sounds just like something Jim would quote. Though…

Hold on, I need to think. All three of these end in me being killed and tormented, yeah? I have no idea what to expect from the shells. And feet or no feet, I have a feeling the little girl one’s going to be… intense. But the last one’s fairly upfront. I appreciate that. It tells you it’s going to kill you, and the thing that makes it worse is that your killer is someone who wants to seem lowly, I think. And why should I care who kills me? I’m dead either way. Don’t know what’s so pitiful about it.

Box number 3. Hopefully I won’t regret this.

[pomrania]

For June 2023, I’m planning to do an art event where I’ll be drawing people’s queer D&D (or other gaming system) characters. That means I’ll need people with queer characters who want me to draw those characters. It’s the same thing as I did the last two years; but if you weren’t here for that, I’ll explain it now.

The TLDR is that if you have a queer D&D character (Pathfinder character, GURPS, Monster of the Week, any other gaming system), leave a comment here or send me a message, so I can work out a list of people who might be interested. If you’re not sure if something counts, ask me.

So, the non-TLDR version. There’s an event AdorkaStock has run called “Draw Everything June”, where new poses are put out for each weekday in June. (That worthy is being less active on dA, and currently has plans to host the event on their own site; if it doesn’t work out, then I’d use a different way to get their poses.) The pose is released the night before; I make a post about it, asking who’s interested; the next morning I check the replies, get into contact with someone who was interested in it, and I use that pose to draw their character.

You might notice that this requires me to know what their character looks like. If somebody already has good visual reference for their character, that’s great. If they don’t have reference for their character, then I can work with that; more specifically, work with THEM, to make a reference sheet I can use. And if they don’t really know what their character looks like, I can ALSO work with that, and help them figure out what their character might look like.

I can do all that stuff while working on a picture, but I’d really rather do it ahead of time. (Plus that’ll give me something to do that isn’t my Mermay piece, which is always good.) Thus, why I’m making this post now.

A few things I need to address:

“I don’t want to impose --” This isn’t imposing. This is literally me asking for people to let me draw their characters. Can I make it any more explicit?

“I’m sure you have lots of other characters to draw instead of mine --” Sometimes that happens, but in the past, what’s more often is that I don’t have ANY characters for a pose, and I have to hunt around for anyone who might be able to help, and/or beg.

“You’ve already drawn stuff for me --” And I’m perfectly capable of choosing someone else to draw stuff for, if I decide to, and all else being equal, I’ll generally pick a person who hasn’t gotten art from me before. BUT that’s “all else being equal”; and I’d really much rather have a lot of options to choose from.

“You literally drew my character last year.” Which means that your character will have lower priority (but maybe there’s a pose they’d be perfect for). I’d still like you to leave a note here, because I have a terrible memory for people; I’m not joking when I say that I can’t remember who it was, even if I chatted with you a lot about it. (I have literally forgotten that it was my MOTHER who did certain things; if HER identity can slip my mind, please believe me when I say it’s nothing personal.)

“I have multiple characters.” Awesome; some poses have two or three figures in them, and it’s easier when I just have one person to talk to about it, instead of two different people for two different characters.

“Why don’t you draw your own characters?” Because of how my brain works. Seriously.

“Here’s my character, you can just use them for whatever pose you choose.” That doesn’t work for me.

“I probably won’t be available while you’d be working on a drawing.” Then we’ll just have to work out as much as possible ahead of time; and while I prefer having regular feedback from the person whose character I’m drawing, so long as I know ahead of time that you won’t be around (and thus I won’t worry that you’re ignoring me), I can manage without it.

“But what about --” If you’ve any further questions, just ask them; not only am I not a mind reader, I’m also somewhat tired at the moment, so I prolly forgot to include a bunch of stuff.

[thelittlestoflives]

Maybe a part 1? Maybe a big load of nothing? All I know is I have JJK brainrot and I love these guys.

This is just a little drabble I did about the last interaction with Suguru.

Def not proofread, just vibes only!!!!!

_____________

“Hey, you.” Came a familiar voice. Suguru stood behind you, leaning against a wall with his arms folded. You stared at him like he was a ghost. 

“Yep, it’s me, the criminal.” He smirked.

“Suguru, what have you done?” You hiss, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the crowd of people near you both. “Please, Sugu…”

He smiled sadly. “Something that should’ve been done a long time ago. You’re not going to try to convince me to stay, are you?”

“You’re not going to convince me to try and join you, are you?” You fired right back venomously. 

He chuckled. 

“As if anyone could convince you to do anything.” He looked at you fondly.

“Don’t do that.” You mutter, looking down. 

“Don’t do what?”

“Act like everything is fine. Like we’re friends.”

“Aren’t we?”

“Sugu… Your parents.”

“A necessary evil.”

“Evil, yeah. Necessary? Never.”

‘You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me.” You snapped, throwing your hands in the air with exasperation. “Seriously. Explain it to me! I beg you. I beg you. I need to know why one of my best friends did this. How someone so kind, someone I love so much could do this.”

He looked at you, a sad smile plastered on his face. Somehow, his eyes looked brighter than they had in months.

You grab his hands, a look of surprise flashing across his features. You held them within your own, a lump in your throat.

“Please. Please. It isn’t too late. You can still come back. You can be with me and Satoru and Shoko. We once said we’d follow each other anywhere. I can’t if you choose this. Please don’t go somewhere we- I can’t follow.” The dam broke, and tears streamed down your cheeks. 

His face was hard and unreadable. 

“Y/N…”

“Please.” You choke out, desperation clawing up your throat. 

He sighed.

“Look, I know my decision must seem unthinkable to you. But this is something that needs to be done. Aren’t you tired of this? Being a cog in the machine, being used to get rid of something that humans create? Forced to clean up the problems of others? We can stop this. We can end it.”

“You’re playing god. It isn’t right.”

“Isn’t it?” He snapped. “You of all people should know how shit my technique is. How much I suffer every time. And you think that’s right?”

“That’s not what I said I-”

“It doesn’t matter,” he hissed.

“No! That’s not what I was going-”

“It’s easy for you and Satoru. You have no idea what it’s like.”

You felt like he slapped you.

“Excuse me? I have ‘no idea’?” You laugh bitterly. “Give me a fucking break. Do you think I would’ve chosen this life? Do you think that I enjoy the fact our peers die around us all the time? That most of us won’t make it to 40? That I have to deal with the most horrific cases, the most evil cursed spirits? That I have to leave everyone in the non-sorcerer world behind? You’re joking.”

He sighed again and rubbed his temples.

“If you truly understood, then you’d come with me.”

You scoffed. “Wonderful. So my two options are either to stay a sorcerer and watch everyone I love die around me or commit mass genocide? That’s just great. Just great.” You felt almost hysterical with emotion. You wanted so badly to turn the clock, to pinpoint the moment everything fell apart. To prevent this. But was there any way to prevent this? 

“Y/N…” Suguru said. “I’m sorry, this is the only way.”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t think it is. But I think you’ve made your mind up, haven’t you?”

He simply looked at you with unreadable eyes.

“Will I… Will I ever see you again?” You whisper, hating how timid and meek you sound.

“Maybe one day.” He said wistfully, watching the crowds of people walk past you both.

A sob wracked out of your chest. 

“Can I hug you? One last time?” You choke, barely giving him time to answer before stepping forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. 

“You’re my best friend. I’m glad… I’m glad that we found each other, even though it was brief.” You murmur into his chest. You feel him stiffen but hug you back regardless. 

“Goodbye, Y/N,” he whispers.

“You bastard!” Satoru’s voice called down the street. “And you, Y/N? You’re going with him?”

You step back, sniffing slightly, shaking your head. You glance at Suguru, before walking over to Satoru. He was enraged. You’d never seen him like that. He trembled as he scanned your tear-stained face while you approached him.

“Did he hurt you?” He whispered hoarsely. 

“Not physically anyway.” You stood beside him, arms almost touching as you stared at the boy who had betrayed you both. 

Satoru yelled. He yelled and yelled at Suguru, who simply watched him with a sort of amusement. 

Suguru walked away, and Satoru held up his hands to curse him, then dropped them. He stared after the spot Suguru had been standing. You cried silently beside him.

“Let’s go, Y/N,” he said softly.

[leportraitducadavre]

I wasn’t sure about posting this, as it’s an explanation I don’t think is required or mandatory of me to make but I feel like giving, this wasn’t prompted by any recent exchange nor ask, so please don’t think I’m speaking about someone specifically, as I’ve had this post in the drafts for a while; I just think it’s time to post it here to have a precedent in case a similar situation should occur.

[Warning: I’m using the singular person "you" to explain actions taken by people over the course of my time on Tumblr. It is not aimed at any specific person or the reader in particular.]

As you might know, I’m a human being -and as such, I make mistakes or have opinions that some people might disagree on. I think I’m mature enough to own up to them or even challenge my views. I know that my personality isn’t for everyone -I do think I’m mostly approachable, but I understand those that choose not to interact with me under those premises.

In that sense, if you only care about my “analyzer persona” (for lack of a better word) which is a totally valid take, then feel free to ignore this post as I’m now allowing myself to speak about my personal boundaries and my zone of comfort.

I have no problem with people disagreeing with me or commenting on my posts. I’ve posted them on a site where discussions and debates are the usual norm and I accepted the rules of the game, I know what I’m getting into when clicking on the “post” button. That being said, I can’t and won’t condone unpoliteness. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt as you see, people’s speeches can come off with a harsher tone than was intended when in writing; but if you have specifically reproduced more than once such conduct or mannerisms when trying to interact with me, then I’m blocking you.

You can’t reply to a post of mine to argue with it and, once I reply, simply cut the conversation short; you’re the one who initiated the debate in the first place, why are you shutting down the door you opened simply because my response didn’t validate your point of view? If you want to have the last word, then maybe express it in a space that allows you to take control of the narrative (as, your own blog).

Demanding me to give you (and the narrative in itself) a plausible solution for a character’s conundrum is never the point of my posts nor my job as a reader/analyzer; I have to perform twice the job because you either deny there’s a problem in the first place or can’t concoct a better political system. You can’t justify a character’s actions by asking the critics to “give me a solution then!”, because that’s not how story-framing works, as I was analyzing what actually happened in the story. Demanding such a thing is either justifying the narrative because “I would’ve reacted the same way!” (which is nothing but self-projection) or denying it of any value because “I wouldn’t have reacted that way!” (which is, again, self-projection). A character took a decision and I analyzed its reasoning; it’s not my job to search for a solution (and likely fail to give a plausible and/or bulleproof solution, as that was actually what many of you are actually looking for to undermine my analysis) in order to make a character look “less” evil because they had no other choice. The options were doing it or not doing it -each of them has different implications and consequences. We only saw and have canon evidence of what happened when they took one of the two; I make posts about that specific situation.

In addition, I consider extremely distasteful those who send you to Google the concepts that they consider relevant for their point of view, if they believe them to be that detrimental to their theory, then they should make sure everyone participating has the same notion they're handling. Otherwise, it's like they want to dismiss your case because you're "making no effort" to understand them because, you see, it’s my job to build their own arguments.

Finally, I don’t like to indulge in headcanons and “what if” scenarios, I have no problem with them but I don’t see the point in exploring them as much as some people ask me to. For instance, since I’m a Sasuke-centered blog mostly, if what you want is to take away Sasuke from the overall structure to give him a "good story", then you’re destroying him whole. Sasuke works as well as he does because he’s the complete opposite of the setting he's thrown inside of. Take away Sasuke and the plot doesn't work. Take away the shinobi system and Sasuke ceases to exist. Sasuke exists as an opposition, if he suddenly has nothing to oppose, then he’s done. Is the ending shit? Yes. Is the ending realistic? Also yes, heartbreaking, but realistic, as winning against the oppressive system is close to impossible. Naruto’s ending wants to give a very idealistic conclusion to a story that will never end in such a way, revolutions and structural changes don’t happen by talking, and Boruto came in to actually prove this when it showed us how Naruto fixed nothing.

[nursingwriter]

BIOSTATISTICS 2 NOTES ABOUT DATA: 2019 BRFSS SPSS Data File.sav These data are from the Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS). The BRFSS collects state data about U.S. residents regarding their health-related risk behaviors, chronic health conditions, and use of preventive services. Be sure to read the Background section of the 2019 BRFSS Overview for more details so you get a little better idea of the BRFSS and how the data are used. Investigators all over the country use these data to conduct research about many different characteristics and how they affect health outcomes. The data file for this project is not the complete data set. There are over 250 variables in the complete data set. I narrowed it down to the few variables I want you to use for this project and simplified coding for the sake of your sanity and to best demonstrate your learning of concepts. INSTRUCTIONS: (Please read each question thoroughly) You are a statistician who is tasked with helping a researcher who is interested in determining what characteristics influence a person to report poor health. Using the BRFSS, the researcher find that there are a few variables that can help her answer that question. She first asks if you can conduct some analyses to determine what characteristics predict someone reporting that they had at least one day in the last day where they reported poor physical health (PHYSHLTH_YES_NO) in the last 30 days. In addition, for those who reported at least one day of poor physical health, she is also interested in determining what influences the reported number of days of poor physical health (PHYSHLTH_DAYS). Among other characteristics, the investigator is primarily interested in determining whether veteran status (variable name: VETERAN), and adverse childhood experiences (ACES) (variable name: ACES_Score) influence these two dependent variables. Because there are a range of confounding variables to consider, the researcher also collected data about sex, health insurance, marital status, education, home ownership, income, age, smoking, alcohol use, and exercise, among others. Your job is to help the researcher answer her research questions. 1. Using the graphing options in SPSS, choose two appropriate graphical display options to describe PHYSHLTH_DAYS. You should be able to describe whether this variable is normally distributed, and whether there are outliers in the data using the two display options you choose. Copy and paste your graphs/charts below and for each, provide an interpretation of the graph, and explain why you chose that option. The selected graphical options are the histogram with normality curve and dot plot. The Histogram with Normality Curve Figure 1.1 above shows a histogram with a normal distribution curve. The histogram was selected because it provides a view of the central tendency, spread, and shape of the data set, including the presence of outliers. By showing the shape of the dataset, the histogram will provide an at-a-glance view of whether or not the dataset presents a normal distribution. The dataset presents a normal distribution as evidenced by the single-peaked bell-shaped normality curve, with observations spread out symmetrically around the mean. No outliers are evident from the distribution. Figure 1.1 The Dot Plot Figure 2.1 above presents a dot plot. The dot plot, like the histogram, presents a view of the frequency distributions of the different data points in the dataset. However, the dot plot provides information on the frequency of individual values, and not a range of values like the histogram. The dots appear as complete bars due to the large number of values attached to each data point. Longer bars represent higher frequencies. Thus, since it focuses on individual data points, the dot plot provides a more effective way of assessing whether outliers exist in the data set than the histogram. Outliers are data points that can be termed either extremely high or extremely low as compared to the rest of the data point or the nearest data point. The dot plot shows that there are no outliers in the data set. Figure 2.1 2. The variable PHYSHLTH_YES_NO is a categorical, binary, nominal variable (Either people report poor physical health (Yes=1), or they do not (No=0)). Based on this categorical variable, use the appropriate statistical test to determine if there is a difference in ACES_Score, and ALCOHOL between the groups who report poor physical health. You will be doing two hypothesis testsone for ACES_Score, and one for ALCOHOL. For each test, conduct a formal hypothesis test to answer this question (choose the appropriate statistical test, explain why you chose it, write out your null and alternative hypotheses, run the test, and interpret the results). Include appropriate output from SPSS to show what you did. To test whether there is a difference in ACES score between the two groups: YES and NO, the independent samples t-test will be used. The independent samples t-test will answer this question by comparing the means of the two independent groups in regard to the ACES score to determine whether the ACES mean score for the group that reports YES (poor physical health) differs significantly from that which reports NO (good physical health). The independent samples t-test is appropriate because the data meets the following requirements: i) The dependent variable ACES score is a continuous ratio variable, ii) the independent variable PHYSHLTH_YES_NO is a categorical variable with only two categories (Yes and No), and iii) the groups or categories are independent and hence, a participant cannot be in both groups. The null and alternative hypotheses for the independent samples t-test are: H0: ACES SCOREYES ACES SCORENO = 0 (the difference of the means is equal to 0) H1: ACES SCOREYES ACES SCORENO ? 0 (the difference of the means is not equal to 0) Before running the t-test it is advisable to run a comparison box plot to obtain an idea of what to expect in the test. The box plot is as presented below. If the means/variances of the two groups or categories in regard to ACES score were equal, the box plots would have equal lengths. Figure 2.1 From the box plots in figure 2.1, it is evident that the variances for the two categories are quite different as the spread of observations for the YES category is greater than that of the NO category. This suggests that the two groups or categories differ by ACES score. The next step is to run the independent samples t-test to check whether the difference between the groups is significant. Results of the t-test are presented in tables 2.1 and 2.2 below: Table 2.1 Group Statistics Did you have any days in the last month when your physical health was not good? N Mean Std. Deviation Std. Error Mean Total Adverse Childhood Experiences Score (ACES) No 58968 1.4565 1.96211 .00808 Yes 37273 2.1046 2.40083 .01244 Table 2.2 Independent Samples Test Levene's Test for Equality of Variances t-test for Equality of Means F Sig. t df Sig. (2-tailed) Mean Difference Std. Error Difference 95% Confidence Interval of the Difference Lower Upper Total Adverse Childhood Experiences Score (ACES) Equal variances assumed 1954.881 .000 -45.707 96239 .000 -.64807 .01418 -.67586 -.62028 Equal variances not assumed -43.700 67753.523 .000 -.64807 .01483 -.67714 -.61900 From the group statistics table 2.1, 58,968 participants reported good health, while 37,273 reported poor physical health. The mean ACES score for the YES (poor physical health) group is 2.10, while that of the NO group is 1.46. Table 2.2 presents the results of the t-test. The Levenes test for equality of variances yields a significant p value of p < 0.01. Hence, we reject the null of the Levenes test and conclude that the variance in ACES score for the group that reports poor physical health (YES) is significantly different from that which reports good physical health. This implies that we need to consider the Equal Variances Not Assumed row in interpreting the t-test results. The negative t-value of 43.7 indicates that the mean ACES score for the first group (NO good physical health) is lower than that of the second group (YES- poor physical health). The associated p-value (p Read the full article

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Finally we’ve got the eddie-is-married stories! Two pretty different marriages in pretty different places but both are delightful to read!

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ (omg are they gonna switch to adoption! Or stay with surrogacy? OR BOTH?!? They said only one more kid but you never know… no matter what they do i as always am loving this story and their lives and the beautiful world that you’ve created for them! It makes me so happy!)

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (shannon being present for the lawsuit era is such a fun concept! I love the stories where you pull all sorts of fun new layers out of canon by making such interesting tweaks!)

Have fun writing! And know that every time you post I get so excited you can just imagine me busting out the pom-poms and the jazz hands :p

- PCA <3

YEAH MARRIED EDDIE!

96 for ⚡️ (Def not 2 kids! A lot of people commented that and I was like AHAHAHA my worst nightmare is multiple infants at a time, SORRY TWINS. But I suppose they COULD space it out. I just wanted to write a chapter about Buck and choice, seeing as Eddie already sort of had his choosing to be a parent again chapter):

---

“But you do have, like, an opinion? Right?” Buck asks. 

Bobby smiles. “Yes, I do.”

“Hit me with it,” Buck begs. “You have a stake in this too, now, remember. So I have to get it right.”

Bobby chuckles. “Well, I don’t think you can get it wrong, Buck. Either way you have a baby. And I think you’re right that if you don’t adopt this child, someone else will.”

Buck sighs, relieved. “Okay, so I’m not like… A bad person, no matter what we choose?”

“No,” Bobby answers. “You’re not.”

It should feel like permission to just go ahead and make the choice Buck is pretty sure he wants to make. He’s not a bad person if he chooses surrogacy. So he can choose it. In the gospel of Bobby Nash, whose ethics he trusts, Buck is in the clear. But Buck still hesitates. He’s still not sure what to do. 

“Do you want to know why I think you’re struggling with this?” Bobby asks him. 

“Yes,” Buck nods. Yes, please. Fucking tell him. Because he doesn’t know why it kept him up for several hours last night, just laying in bed with an uneasy stomach. 

“I think it’s a conflict of…” Bobby thinks for a moment. “Two strong but, in this case, conflicting parts of you.”

“O-okay,” Buck replies. He’s not sure he’s following.

“I think,” Bobby continues. “That one of the core parts of who you are, one of the best parts of who you are, is that you’re very motivated to help anyone in need, simply because you can.”

Buck looks at the ground. He feels another wave of guilt. Because now he’s saying he’d prefer not to help where he can. Right? That’s what Bobby is going to say. 

“You are also someone who has had to fight very hard for a family,” Bobby says. 

Buck looks back up at him.

“The security a lot of people have in that family structure, you didn’t always have that,” Bobby explains.

“I guess that’s true,” Buck says. 

“It is true,” Bobby nods. “And that has an impact on a person. Which is okay.”

Does Buck need to go to therapy about this? Is that what he’s saying?

“The way I see it,” Bobby adds. “The surrogacy option with Adriana’s eggs is a really comfortable option. It’s easy. It’s secure. Your connection to the child is obvious. It’s not something that can be taken away, like a potential birth mother changing her mind. There aren’t a lot of risks, outside the normal risks of having a child.”

Buck’s shoulders drop. “You think I’m scared?”

“I think an open adoption is scary,” Bobby says. “Not bad. Just… Scarier than the alternative you’ve already got in your pocket.”

“Right,” Buck exhales. “Yeah, okay… I can see that.”

“I think I’d feel the same, in your position. If that’s any consolation.”

“It is, actually,” Buck says. “Uh, so what do you think I should do?”

“There’s no right answer,” Bobby says. “Especially if Eddie is happy with either outcome. But my advice? Look at those two parts of yourself that are informing this decision and… I guess, figure out which is more important to you.”

☆☆☆

They meet Lourdes at Pepa’s house. 

Eddie is nervous. It’s an uncomfortable sort of meeting. He feels like Buck has expectations, Pepa has expectations, he’s not sure what expectations Lourdes has… All Eddie really wanted is a baby, so his expectations aren’t so defined. But he’s not sure how it’s going to go. 

He knows Buck and Bobby had a long talk about it. One Buck hasn’t divulged the outcome of. Just said he needed to think it through. Which, fine. That’s fine. Not like Eddie needs any sort of decision before today, anyway. Hell, he hasn’t made a decision. They need to have this meeting first, right? 

Pepa introduces Eddie and Buck to not only Lourdes, but her friend, Maria. Lourdes’ grandmother. Another person with potential expectations to account for. So that’s fun. 

“Thank you both so much for coming,” Maria says. “We are truly grateful.”

Eddie and Buck exchange a look before Buck answers her.

“Hey, of course,” he says. “We’re happy to meet you both.”

---

36 for 🔼 (Thank you! VERY fun stuff planned coming up):

---

 Actually, really nervously. Because what if Eddie says it was a mistake?

But Eddie doesn’t say that. Instead, he offers a little, almost coy smile. 

“Yeah?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Buck nods. “I didn’t, uh… I didn’t know it was an option.”

“It’s complicated,” Eddie admits. 

Buck can imagine. Actually, if he starts thinking about how complicated this all is right now, he might start to freak out. But he doesn’t want to freak out yet. He still feels pleasantly high. 

“I’ll bet,” Buck murmurs. 

“Maybe…” Eddie starts. “Uh, maybe you can come with me?”

Buck’s eyes widen. 

“To talk about it,” Eddie says. “I can put a movie on for Chris or something… And we can talk.”

“Okay,” Buck nods. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

Eddie smiles. “Okay.”

“But…” Buck says. “But I… I should be honest.”

Eddie looks worried. 

“Oh?”

“I just… I haven’t done anything with another dude before,” Buck admits. 

Buck knows he’s talked a big game about his sexual history, but if Eddie is expecting anything here, he might be disappointed. 

“Oh,” Eddie exhales. “Yeah, me neither.”

Whoa. 

[dolllikelove]

I have anxiety and body image issues. How can I stop being so frightened of sex?

In sexual situations, I freeze and panic, when all I want is to enjoy stress-free physical and romantic relationships I’m a 26-year-old gay man who is desperately afraid of sex. I haven’t had much sex in the past year, and when I do I tend to freeze and panic, which means that I struggle with erection and orgasm even when I’m with someone I genuinely like. The last time this happened, I felt so sick during foreplay that I wanted to cry and leave. I have major anxiety and body image issues. I also identify as both “a side” (which means I’m not interested in anal sex), and demisexual (on the asexuality spectrum), so I feel as if I’m in this triple minority of being gay, not into anal sex and slow to get comfortable with someone intimately. While I have enjoyed sex in the past, I prefer non-sexual intimacy, such as cuddling. Still, I would like to not be so scared of sex, to be able to relax and engage in romantic and physical relationships stress-free. Thinking of yourself as being in a “triple minority” is not helpful. Why categorise yourself? You deserve a far better self-view, and not only in terms of body image. Try to ignore the peer pressure. The three aspects of your sexuality you consider to be negative ones need to be reframed as the positive attributes they actually are. For example, allowing yourself adequate time to become comfortable with intimacy is a smart, self-protective way to approach a relationship, and is likely to improve the quality of your sexual connection. If you are not feeling very interested in sex generally, stop forcing yourself to try to do what you think will be approved of by others – although you should also recognise that you could have increased interest in the future if you learn to manage your anxiety, and if you meet someone with whom you feel perfectly safe. Essentially, you are who you are and you do not need to explain, label or excuse yourself. You may meet the arbitrary criteria for “a side” now – a perfectly valid preference, and a style that you’ve found genuinely gives you more options for pleasure – but any of this might change in the future. What matters is that you gather your confidence and always refuse to be anything other than your true, authentic self. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Continue reading... http://dlvr.it/T9yPZ0