#if she knows about it: thats pretty fucking bad!
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man AD really does do the worst war crime in the base game huh. casually genociding a whole generation of argonians.
#says some not great things about ayrenn#if she knows about it: thats pretty fucking bad!#if she doesnt: thats also not great that you dont know your lieutenants are out doing a genocide#DC takes second place in the war crimes contest btw#almost entirely due to the ayleid necromancy orb on betnikh#they do other crimes that are not War Crimes i suppose: namely Exploding Prisoners Island#all of the alliances attack civilians which is a war crime#so none are FREE of war crimes
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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no fucking wayyy dude
#so you kick us out of a sever for saying people shouldnt joke about child rape/assault#and say u have evidence me n a friend were talking behind ur back#so you unfriend us n kick us out of yhe group#instead of oh idk talking about it with us like a mature person#you constantlyyyyy say ur trying sooo hard to get better at communicating but thats suchh bullshit u js want people to feel bad for you#oh sorry i think joking about raping a child is disturbing and gross#sorry me n my friend were talking about that together#not spreading “rumors” or even talking to other ppl about it#js airing problems out to eachother#literally go fuck urself youre such an entitled asshole#you use your mental illnesses to make people feel bad for you and get mad when they dont#sorry im not pitying a cis white girl who lives pretty comfortably financially in a safer part of town.#i cant even tell if she realizes how attention seeking she really is#the excuse of saying we were talking shit in a channel or whatever is literally suck bullshit#if i said something about the child rape jokes in a channel and you know its about you Obviously you should take a fucking look at yourself#Also not to mention when we got in a fight you said shit to my Face in “your channel” that made me go into one of the most dissociative#paranoid episodes in my life Ever. making me question my fucking morals and shit#how fucking up your own ass are you#whatever talk to me like a fucking grown up if you think youre so mature asshole#<- sorry this isnt about anyone here but im so fucking mad its like#genuinely disgusting#venting
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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its a bit weird that i know both of my boyfriend's exes personally and even weirder that we all look like each other because he really has a type and there's the fact that his first ex shows up all the time on my instagram and his second ex is weirdly obsessed with trying to keep contact with him even though she was the one who left him for someone else (on december 23rd !!) and she stalked me on ig and she's friends with my roommate and like. this is my first time not being my partner's first gf so it's my first time dealing with ex gfs and it's all just super weird to me
#idk how to explain there's a bit of jealousy yes but mostly its just a weird feeling that i cant really explain#why are they both so close to me this is so unnecessary kfndkf#i think its a big green flag that they're both pretty and both very interesting people#and i cant say if them looking a lot like me makes me feel more or less insecure#bc yeah i sure am his type but am i enough like am i more or less than them (type of shit i think when im feeling insecure)#but in the end they both broke his heart and left him for someone else#i think what makes me mad is that they really did break him and i found him in pieces and watched as he picked himself up little by little#as we started dating and falling in love with each other but i know and he acknowledges that there are parts of him that broke forever#and the fact that they had these parts that i will never have because of them is what fucks me up sometimes#but at the same time he's grown and changed a lot and there are new parts of him now that they never saw and never will...#its not a competition i know but its really hard not to compare myself sometimes specially when theyre already so similar to me like#the comparison is already there its automatic kfndkdn u cant look at the three of us and not realize that we look like each other a lot#anyway#i think its more about my desire or my fantasy of having him all for myself#or of wanting to feel like im special and unique and not just another one??#its so dumb because its obvious that i am and he makes it very clear to me all the time#but thats it. i'm dumbbbb#im not even feeling bad rn i just saw his first ex again (she goes to the same hairdresser as me lol) and these thoughts came back again#so i wanted to vent#i think i deal with all of this pretty well but knowing how to deal with these feelings and thoughs doesnt mean they dont occur at all#ok im doneeee
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eughhh i feel dumb
#one of my best friends is coming over and ive been ghosting them (like pretty much everyone) for a couple months#and i think im reading into it too much but it seems like shes upset with me? idkk but i don't wanna ask bc if she IS mad at me that means#we have to talk about it and im Not in the right state for that atm#she has every right to be upset just like everyone else but i really dont want her to be#both bc i love her and them and i don't want to hurt them and bc i honestly don't wanna have to answer for it#'yeah every time smth even remotely resembling obligation comes up my skin feels like it's gonna peel away from its body and scuttle away'#like. i should not be terrified of it but it's like my tendons are splitting and i can't close my fist around anything#it all just slips through my fingers. but i still feel like it's my fault#selfishly i just wish they wouldn't ever bring it up. me taking forever to respond and stuff#i don't really like being teased about it but i can't just hurt them and then ask them not to bring it up yk#even if i don't super feel in control of the whole responding and socializing and functioning thing#i am. really really burnt out i think#but i don't wanna make my friends feel guilty for wanting to be around me bc 1) thats normal 2) thats an honor 3) theyre not doing anything#wrong by like. texting me. it's not their fault it feels so bad#especially since im not telling them bc that is itself an obligation#every reminder of something i have to do has felt physically painful more and more#everything from doing dishes to answering texts to cleaning my room to reading a book my dad likes#every day there's a dozen reminders of how im letting the people i love down and it looks to them like i just don't care enough#and in reality my friends are and have always been understanding. i know that. im just getting really in my head about it rn#it's been building a lot this past year. i thought i was getting better but im just.. really stuck rn#ughh i wish i could cancel. and i hate that bc i miss her and i know she's gotta miss me too but we have to talk about the foster turtle#so i cant back out now. aughhhh it's so dumb i feel so helpless and useless every time i think about anything but what's right in front of#me. ive been running from everything much more consciously lately and it's fucking embarrassing and stupid and basically im just feeling.#really really lame. shitty ass body and shitty ass brain and i don't think anyone really believes me when i blame them and not me#i just have to trust in the goodness of my friends more than the badness of myself for hurting them. two titans clashing#ughh anyway. whatever#i wanna talk to one person in particular bc they don't really make me feel that obligation as much but then im like if i respond to them i#have to respond to everyone else. it's dumb. ugh if you read this acm im thinking of you sorry my brain is being difficult <3
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everyone is sooo in love with vakori on account of le is so cool and smart and deeply pragmatic and is also completely batshit insane
#oc#monochrome#sketch#velan#vakori#rocaim#rocaim and vakori are rex and taz and adder and silas's parents#adder and silas get their looks from vakori; rex and taz to a slightly lesser degree get it from rocaim#rex specifically is like a sharper clone of him. fucks velan up all the time because their personalities are completely totally different#rocaim was very like. gentle and understanding. good with kids and well-liked by basically everyone. a very effective mediator#rex is obviously none of those things lmao. every time he says something particularly insensitive it surprises her for like six years runni#anyway rocaim is in love wtih vakori. velan is in love with vakori. vakori is aro as they come but insanely pragmatic#like. ok le's based loosely off my ex. like. so le's SCARY pragmatic. so fucking cool about it everyone with a brain is specifically like#'woag oh my god le's so pragmatic im in love with her'. anyway eventually le's like 'hi rocaim. here are the objective reasons that i think#that if we got married it would mean i had better standing and more power in the organization we're both committed to. would you be#opposed to possibly getting married with me on the grounds that it would get me respect and power' and rocaim. who is already head over#heels for ler specifically because le makes these kinds of decisions and sees with this kind of logic is like. Absolutely. 100%#then for the next four years of their formal engagement people keep taking rocaim aside and being like hey... i have bad news...#...that leya you're engaged to... le's not romantically interested in you the same way you're romantically interested in ler... le only#wants you because you're an Ath and le wants a voice in the interclan meetsings... and then when Rocaim is like yeah i know#thats why i want to marry ler isnt that like the sexiest fucking reasoning you've EVER heard. no one gets it but velan#who is also in love with ler for the same reasons but has no such claims to power#and who also is not equipped for a polycule nor willing to try to go behind rocaim's back because unfortunately for her. she is also in lov#with rocaim. me when im in love with my friend and my friend's wife and also i'm pretty sure they both reciprocate but they're both#married and i dont really know what to do about it and also all three of us are very Traditional and that is not the Tradition:#and then they both die and she never quite deals with that.#but she DOES get to raise their (surviving) kids :) most of whom are fucking nightmares#life is so difficult for velan. like actually#closerverse#cv
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Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.
#I've been barely eating for over a week now and don't feel it#all the money i have is going towards her. i have enough body fat to survive without eating properly for a while.#but I'm just not hungry because nothing feels real right now#she's been breathing with more difficulty the past couple days too so i know the tumor on her tongue is getting larger#she's been whining so much too. like way more than she ever has.#and the prednisone has increased her appetite by so much that she's eating almost double what she normally would#she's skipped eating in the morning almost her whole life. don't know why. she's just a picky bitch like that.#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night#i was worried her food would go to waste after she died but goddamn#it definitely will be eaten plus some at this rate#she seems so normal. but i know she's getting worse every day and probably just doesn't want to bother me.#that's the worst thing about dogs. they don't want to bother you.#she's so opinionated when it comes to things she wants to eat or play with. but she's never let me know when she was in pain.#the only times she has are emergency vet visit times#like when my ex broke her tail and she kept putting her butt in my face to tell me shit was fucked up#or another time when her gut bacteria somehow got out of whack and she shat bright red blood all over my house#or when she broke a claw so bad it damaged the bone underneath#anything minor and i have to find it on my own#she's extra spoiled right now#i never tell her to stop unless she's doing something potentially dangerous#like yeah. let's sniff that same spot on the same bush you smell 8x a day for ten minutes girl.#you look hungry. have some peanuts or freetos or cotton candy.#you want snacks even though you just had snacks? bitch. have some more.#you want to sleep in my spot on the bed? thats ok. I'll go to the othef sidd where i don't have my cpap. get comfy.#i feel bad denying her anything when i know she only has a set amount of experiences left#there's a finite amount of sniffs she can snorf or food to be fed and i know it's pretty limited.#and then i get days like today where i don't even really start working until the time I'd normally be getting home#and that enrages me like little else can do because it's taking away from time with the only living thing that's real to me#except the longer i have knowing she's dying the less 'here' i feel. which makes her seem less real.#and i hate it. but i deny myself pain by pretending shit isn't real until it isn't. and then there's no more pain.
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raises my hand i actually like the concept of a shitty parent getting better i just hate when its used to be like "im good now so you should forgive me."
people grow and change and hurt people!!! and those hurt people deserve to move on without having to forgive their abuser!!!
#this is why i get defensive when ppl make all sorts of reasons why rhinedottir did what she did#if she killed dorian for being imperfect then whatever!! i hate her for that but you dont have to#not only does it go with her little mental break that she 100% had lets be honest#it also fits the “Perfectionist” thing that the sinners were trying so hard to achieve#it MAKES SENSE#even if its nuanced that doesnt make it ok!!! but at the same time i dont think shes 100% stuck to being a terrible person nor do i think++#shes always been a bad mother#i think she was a great mother before everything went downhill and honestly if she gained a sense of apathy towards her kids itd MAKE SENSE#ofc im not saying this is true. im just saying its possible and it doesnt take away from her as a character#elynas is just as reliable a source as albedo dare i say!!! he was not in a strange mindset bc he wasnt corrupt like durin#the way he described her was valid. so was albedos when he said she threatened to leave him.#if the trauma from the cataclysm is what caused everything#that makes sense#but its not an excuse and it doenst mean she had some extra hidden reason for what she did. sometimes people are bad people!!! clearly she+#did SOMETHING right with albedo because he has a sense of morality. but even so you can TELL shes not a good mom EVEN TO HIM#i dont know where im going with this im getting turned around UHM#TLDR; shes a terrible mother. and a pretty bad person. but that doesnt mean im saying shes evil without nuance#it just means what it sounds like#plenty of parents fucking SUCK without meaning to. whether she cared or not she was still a pretty bad mother. thats all im saying#im willing ot talk about her but im NOT willing to have people argue that any of her children deserved what they got.#not albedo and NOT dorian.#elynas to dorian to albedo is a great pipeline for her as a character. which is why i like to believe elynas came first;#alfisol and dorian came close to last#and then albedo came last long after the others#every character has nuance however i am allowed to dislike them despite that#tzu rambles#that said i understand how it comes off as biased when i only talk about her children but unfortunately her children are the only reason i+#know about her at all. thye are my favorites and my content centers around them </3
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Constantly torn between writing a character to be just a nice guy and writing that character to be the most fucked up creature in existence
#the klock keeps ticking#like theres a line at some point where you cant make this all one guy but you just. really want to#like yeah lets say we got some fucked up guy who tries really hard to be nice and sweet despite the horrors#but you know what if i want him to get kinda bitchy too cuz how can i expect him not to be? hes been through some shit and hes only human#but how bitchy can i make him before he just kinda becomes an asshole#i guess though people are pretty complicated so sometimes its just kinda like that#i must once again hail rebecca gales as the character ever like girl shes sooooo#shes so genuinely sweet and caring and attentive and shes so bitter selfish and jealous#shes gotta make like the biggest effort to be nice and simultaneously the biggest effort to be mean#its just so refreshing to see idk someone who is generally a good person but shes really fucked up about it#like this doesnt come easy to her! everything in her wants to act like a petty child!#and she does! shes really fucking immature and she thinks shes above it all when shes the worst out of everyone!#and thats just such a nice thing to see just a very human character#and shes just like me for real aaaaaa god like guys this freaking character has helped me cope so bad#like shes not a monster shes just. a person having a bad day and not coping very good#yeah this post wasnt even about her but I made it about her now ive just been thinking about rebecca a lot lately OKAY#we cant all be perfect sometimes we just gotta be rebecca at least im brave enough to admit it#anyways i have pretty similar tangents about ryuki shin marianne shinjiro and junpei
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made an eeny bit of progress in pq today... im like maybe 80% through the 3rd floor of you in wonderland and currently level 11...!
#pq#lizz.jpg#lizz.txt#i love how i say 'eeny' as if i did not play for like four hours. LOL.. i think i wanna play in smaller chunks next time#yall... i have so much fear of those gosh darn card soldiers... i dont want to know what my life is going to be like if they give f.o.e.s-#more gimmicks... THEY ARENT BAD I JUST. I REALLY DONT LIKE THE F.O.E. STARING AT ME#my (ougouoguough) of the f.o.e.s is so real that if i have energy i would totally make a doodle about it#dont really have much interesting things 2 report... i think next play session ill probably end up finishing the labryinth#it seems pretty close to done tbh esp since i stopped b4 the room with the three fucking f.o.e.s and im like#'i do not have the mental energy to figure out how to do this' (they say and proceed to write a text wall)#and im guessing we'll get to see the investigation team after finishing the labryinth?#the games being like REALLY silly right now but im like. squinting so hard at zen and rei you have NO idea how sus these guys are to me#not to go against my 'im not intelligent on this blog' policy but theres something about a thing that elizabeth said early on thats like#alerting the lizz sus radars. she said something like you wouldnt find living humans here and that they might theoretically be an entity-#that merged w/personas and shadows AND TO ME THIS IS A HGUE RED FLAG???#LIKE.... me just looking at how RYOJI fucking mochizuki is a thing and im like “ah i see now why they set it before ryoji” BECAUSE !!! AAA#because at this point sees wouldn't have met an entity like ryoji who is fucking shadow that is humanized by minato so uh like#if they met ryoji and were past dec 2 AND THEN PQ'D IT UP then they'd look at zen and rei in addition to what elizabeth said#then IDK WHAT IM SAYING BUT LIKE ZEN AND REI HAVE TO BE SOME KINDA ENTITY AND I DONT KNOW WHAT#for shits and giggles ill say death bc i like death as a thematic thing LMAOOO im a really delulu little guy rn dont talk to me#um. im being really normal right now yeah uh this should've gone under a read more oops ill do that next time#for my own sanity i will NOT go into what thoughts are brewing in my head (hypothezing what time the p4 cast was pulled from-#BUT ALSO THE WAY TEDDIE ALSO falls into elizabeth's description UGH screams into. a bucket.)#anyway for. something. thats not me spitballing i hope that i can see yosuke soon.. i want him in my party!!!!#i rlly like the game mechanics and while zen and rei have been great 2 start with they cant equip subpersonas... ough#ok thats. thats all. i did not expect to text ramble but (THIS IS ME WE ARE TALKING ABOUT i cannot shut up)#im having fun though!!!! its been nice to play smthn else for once LMAO i wonder how much ill get through b4 the month ends
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GRR a lot of my paranoia about my heart health has been coming back lately
#it used to be pretty bad a few years ago and im starting to get there again#its hard for me not to pay attention to my pulse to check that its still working fine because i honestly have a pretty big fear of dying#from a heart attack stroke etc#i can literally remember the day that it became a phobia of mine because in bio class we were reading an exerpt about a womans symptoms#as she was experiencing a stroke and like. i literally freaked myself out about it AS i was reading it i starting panicking#specifically the mention of your left art losing sensation sticks in my mind#a few days ago i read a few comments on a post about people who knew someone who died at their job#and a lot of them were about people who literally just. up and died for no reason. sitting at their desk. THAT freaked me out#cause that seems like a way id die is just out of fucking nowhere thats my luck#anyways im writing this because ive had like 2 borderline panic attacks about it today and i could feel myself freaking out a third time#a minute ago so i startd writing. thumbs up#i know im thinking irrationally but no one who dies of a heart attack expects to die. right. im probably not going to expect#it its going to Happen To me#ive read too many stories about people who either had one themself and survived or talking about someone they knew#where they say they could feel the doom and that something was wrong and etc. so when i start getting nervous it keeps snowballing#immediately into FUCK ITS THE DOOM THIS IS THE BIG ONE#when its literally not
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The way I was such an aggressive sonic kid and yet possessed absolutely NONE of the proto-furry interests in it at all still confuses me. Like I can't even figure out what it is I DID like so much about it. The ensemble cast of personalities??
#its SPECIFIC to sonic adventure and the ova too#i consumed basically everything I or my parents could get their hands on but that is the only part of it thats stuck#i know i still really enjoy the chao gardens and the hub worlds in adv 1#adv 1 and 2 are an absolute mess but the backbones of the stories I still really enjoy#the ova is easy its the interpersonal existential drama#of something and looks and thinks exactly like you but only exists to hate you and the world#i think adv 2 was how dark it is without really dwelling too long on it to wallow in it and keeping the tone focused on dumb cool kid stuff#adv 1 is at least partly the “tsunami” disaster caused by perfect chaos#i LOVED natural disaster sequences as a kid and still do#maybe also the general doomed cassandra vibe of tikal trying to save her tribe from her father's warmongering#and the twist that she's been there the whole time as a game mechanic#i definitely liked that the ova wasn't afraid to fuck sonic up pretty bad#like he was put through quite a few situations#even as a kid i was definitely a “i want to see my blorbo suffer” person#the tone of adv 2 is so interesting because I was absolutely drawn to darker stories in general but i absolutely could not take the#melodramatic attempts at stories in the sonic ip at all seriously#like high very serious stakes yes absolutely#put those lil guys through some harrowing situations#its when the on the ground tone about it gets too broody that I'm like alright guys..did no one remember this is a sonic game#there's a very small sweet spot in between serious and not that it has to hit for me#anyway it definitely was never about the whole anthropomorphic animal thing#most of them are barely recognizable as animals anyway#so sonic is absolutely not an inherent gateway to the furry phenomenon you guys were just like that from the start
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can't believe i started to have a psychotic episode at work today wtf !!!!
#my shift was ending and. i explained to my coworker whos pretty kind and understanding about it#but the amount of stress i'm under right now is a LOT!!#i'm pretty sure i have very bad endometriosis so i am calling the fucking doctor tomorrow!!!!!!! ive put off this appointment for ~1 year#which is weird to think about that doesn't sound right.....#WAIT ITS NOT ITS ~2 YEARS#dude. i honestly dont remember january-april of last year. i was like actually hibernating.#except for like my birthday and my brothers birthday.#i know i watched all of adventure time and bojack horseman for the first time and played stardew valley but thats literally it#LOL still having the episode btw i'm like fully aware and will ask for help when needed but i'm good rn 👍#i hope i dont feel like this tomorrow since i have work and i would like the money since idk how much my rent is about to go up#the landlord didnt even show up today like she said she would. our leade is thru february at least so theres time still#lease*#but hey if i can't make it to work tomorrow i can at least pick up my new glasses (which is another appointment i put off for 2 years LOLOL#im not a fan of getting up before 11am but being awake AND off work during doctors office hours is lovely for making an appointment yippie!#btw still gonna post this bc i love sharing my thoughts on my tumblr like its a diary. and none of u will even be able to feed my delusions#so its safe to do so at least <3
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For the dojin(?) I just pretend that she actually lived and got better after having her daughter. If it's not cannon I mean (idk if that is the cannon ending or if she straight up died)
Also can we talked about how fucked up it is that she was the one who got kicked out and not the dad...?
Especially since (I think it's been god knows how long since I've read it. I don't have the stomach to even skim through it a 2nd time) the dad was the one who forced himself on her the 1st time?
Ik he probably lied to the mom and all but like????
Also shouldn't the mom be more disgusted at the dad since the MC was in HS (I'm guessing 15-17) and he was well into his 40's-50's?
Like bro he wasn't just attracted to your daughter he was also attracted to high school students if their fucked up affair showed anything.
I mean ik it's fiction but for whatever reason, specifically for this story, the parents piss me off. Idk why when I'm usually unbothered? Maybe because it was one of my first fucked up hentai I read.
YESSS theres actually a jjba parody of the ending where they basically refresh her and fixes her and she lives happily ever after with her daughter!! so yes that is the True Canon in my mind too hehe
also yeah 10000% the entire story was everyone around her being horrible people, neglecting her, distrusting her, with not one person standing by her to help her or dissuade her from bad decisions and it was so frustrating to see. she was essentially all alone and no one helped her which ultimately lead to her devolution!
the situation with the parents was insane because even if she was the one who came onto her dad (which she wasnt), under no circumstance should he accept it????? like the mother choosing to kick her out rather than putting an ounce of blame on the dad is pure illogical insanity and i was by literally AGHAST LIKE WHAT DO U MEAAAAN
#urusai! baka#spoilers#im not sure if i should mark this as mature for spoilers???#can i even like mark this for spoilers???#eee ill just tag a heneral spoilers tag HAHA#anyways more under here#nonny im 100000% with u that the parents frustrated me the most#because even i feel like the other chars who ducked her over technically dont owe her any decency#and they were all circumstantial bad behaviour n selfish decisions#but the parents imo had the responsibility TO look after her#at the beginning her mum was so keen on her caring about her appearance and even complimented how pretty she looked w her haircut#to 180 that and kick ur own teen daughter (whos clearly gotten caught up in a bad crowd)#out of the house#bcos u caught her with ur HUSBAND. NOT BLQMING THE HUSBAND.#A GROWN MAN. THE FATHER OF SAID CHILD.#like yes i know its for plot and its fiction but#it still makes me fume HAHA it makes me violently angry#bcos i wlso know real mothers who sees their daughters as competition exist irl#but anyqays yea this is all fiction i just think i rly like it (if u can call it that haha) bcos theres a lot of relatble elements in it#u said its ur firat fuckedup hentaidoes that mean youve read others after and if so#have u read any thats fucked uu p more than 177013? or less hahahaha#honestly i said i read it for the first time when i was 16-17 and tjen revisited it again during lockdown when i was on tumblr here#and tbh it wasnt easier than the first reading#even tho i knew what to expect i think i saw more aspects i could relate to when i reflected back haya#like my firzt reading was like a shock disturbance#and then the second reread triggered some selfreflection HAHHHA#AND IT WAS LIKE#OOF#SO YEA NONNY I DONT BLAME U NOT BEING ABLE TO DTOMACH IT AGAIN#IDK WHY U WOULD CHOOSE TO DO IT VOLUNTARILY HAHAHAYA
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also sometimes i think "maybe i have ocd" and then i get really mad at myself bc of course that cant be true im just autistic and have anxiety and making up reasons to get upset. and then i tell my mom "i think i might have ocd" and shes like yeah
#my mom has pretty bad anxiety too but sometimes ill try and describe my anxious thought patterns to her#and shes like i dont know..... thats scary ...... why are you thinking about it that much#like i tried to explain the thing about how i feel like im always being watched and theres some things i can only do on my phone#or i start freaking out like someone can See me and shes like yeah huh. ive never had that experience thats fucked up.#i dont think i can get therapy or meds either. guys is it over for me. am i screwed. be honest#bectxt#op#txt
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