#if she hasn’t come out and said that she’s in any way queer

[theamazingannie]

Gaylors really gonna come out in full force over Taylor having a song in a Heartstopper scene when not so long ago we had to deal with people forcefully outing Kit like can we fucking LEARN????

[kiapet2]

Alright, it’s less than a week since the Owl House finale aired and as expected I’ve already seen two direct comparisons to Steven Universe’s ending and several more vague-blogs, because one of this site’s hobbies is using other queer shows to put down Steven Universe. So let’s do this, then. Let’s compare the endings of Owl House and Steven Universe, and what each is ultimately trying to say.

Steven Universe and the Owl House are both shows that deal heavily with the clash of individualism and self-expression vs. socially-mandated conformity, and both shows’ final villains ultimately embody this conflict. One major difference, however, is that Owl House approaches this from the perspective of legal/societal structures, while Steven Universe approaches it from the perspective of family structures.

Steven Universe has always been about family--and particularly the ways traumas and biases are passed down through a family--and it has always heavily used the language of metaphor to discuss these topics. The Diamonds are the ultimate extension of this theme, something a lot of bad-faith (or just bad) takes on the ending miss; they interpret the diamonds in their literal capacity as dictators, rather than the way Steven Universe always portrays them, which is as matriarchs, i.e. the heads of a family who dictate and control all the family’s other members. This metaphor becomes more and more blatant until it outright becomes text, with the Diamonds turning out to be Steven’s literal family members, with whom his part of the family is estranged because of their previous controlling behavior.

In accordance with this theme, we ultimately find out that the Diamonds’ toxic ideology, with its rigid standards of perfection, are not only something they enforce on the gems below them, but also on themselves. They are suffering from the system in their own ways, unable to live up to the standards they themselves created. And who among us hasn’t known someone like that? A parent or grandparent who grew up under a cruel, oppressive worldview, and instead of rebelling against it internalized it--who turned around and said “I dealt with this, and so can you”? And so the ending of Steven Universe is the Diamonds realizing exactly how toxic the rigid ideology they’ve spent their lives perpetuating really is, and confronting the fact that their adherence to this ideology is what destroyed their relationship with Pink, and that the only way they’re going to have a relationship with Steven is if they’re willing to commit to changing both themselves, and the family structure they’ve enforced for so long.

Emperor Belos, in contrast, is not suffering from the structures he created, because his rules were never meant to apply to him. He sees the witches (and demons, and so-on) as lesser beings, evil beings, who exist to be controlled, and ultimately, exterminated. And every element of the society he built--the schools, the government, the police force, the religion--he intentionally constructed to keep these lesser beings under his control. The real-world allegory isn’t hard to see, here. And because what Belos represents in the story is, in fact, a fascist leader, the story shows that he can’t be reasoned with in any way that matters, and instead he is ultimately ground into paste beneath the boots of the people he sought to destroy. Different themes, different endings.

Now the usual argument that comes up here is as follows: but the Steven Universe ending isn’t as realistic! Not everyone is going to change, not everyone is going to be able to be reasoned with. Not every older, conservative family member is eventually going to accept you for who you are. And while that is true, ultimately SU isn’t meant to be realistic; it’s meant to be a power fantasy. Rebecca Sugar has come out and said before that they wrote a world in which there was good in everyone, because that’s the way she wishes the world could be. That’s the world they want to be able to believe in. And I am never going to begrudge a person, much less a queer person, for finding healing in writing that kind of world.

But you know what else is unrealistic? What else is ultimately just a fantasy? Grinding your government’s fascist leader into paste under your boot, then taking over and remaking society into something that accepts everyone. Sadly, Trump is not likely to get his ass beat any time soon. And more generally, punching fascists, while ideologically sound, is something most people are not going to get to do, due to real-world consequences such as “getting beat up by the fascist’s angry friends” and “being arrested for assault”. And even if you did depose one leader, our very society is set up in a way that perpetuates all manner of injustices, and systemic change is a complex and lengthy process that almost certainly won’t be completed in our lifetimes. But it’s fun to imagine we could, isn’t it?

Both endings are power fantasies. Both show the way they want the world to be, rather than the way it is. They are very different power fantasies, which fill very different--and at times conflicting--needs. And in situations like that, internet culture really likes to pick one to be the right fantasy, the right way to look at the world. 

But the truth is, both fantasies are needed! Some people need stories about your queerphobic relatives finally realizing the error of their ways and taking the necessary steps to accept and reconcile with you. And some people need stories where you get to grind fascist bastards beneath the heel of your boot. It’s okay if you prefer one type of fantasy over the other! But in the end, both are valuable, and both are important. 

And isn’t it wonderful, for us to have such a diversity of great queer stories? That we can explore both of these deep, conflicting needs? Let’s appreciate each of these fantastic works for what it was meant to be, rather than trying to pit them against each other or make them conform to a single, “best” way to tell a story.

[lacy-oh-lacy]

Coming out to Marvel Characters

A/N: Happy Pride! Reader's orientation/identity is ambiguous, as is your relationship with the characters :) Masterlist

Steve: Telling him is a little intimidating considering the time he’s from, but truthfully you could of told him back in the 30s and even then he would of accepted you -albeit with more anxiety over your safety. He’s open minded for his time, and he has in spades the kind of compassion you need after bearing your heart and soul like that. 

Tony: He’s a dickhead more often than not, but he gets that this is a rare time not to be. He’s quiet for a moment, processing, and then he’s nonchalant. He acknowledges what you said as sensitively as he can but he also doesn’t linger on it. He accepts who you are, but to him it’s not a moment to get sappy over, it’s as casual as he thinks lending someone basic human decency should be.

Thor: He forgets for a minute that this can be a big deal to earthlings, queerness as you call it is a lot more normalised on Asguard.Then he remembers, and trying to be supportive -albeit a little clumsily- he pats your back and commends the courage it must of taken to tell him, assuring you you have his wholehearted acceptance.

Natasha: Look, as perceptive as she is, there’s no way she hasn’t already known for months. She’s just been too respectful to say anything. When you do finally tell her she feigns just a bit of surprise for your benefit, then she’s very casual about the whole thing. She’s accepting but in a quiet way, she’s one to show her support subtly as it naturally comes up.

Wanda: She doesn’t have the most in depth lgbtqia+ education or anything but she wholeheartedly supports the community. So, between that and her being the compassionate person she is, she’s very easy to tell. She’s so understanding and sensitive to your feelings, and honestly she’s just really touched that you trusted her enough to tell her.

Peter P: It really does come as a surprise, just because he’s usually so preoccupied with his own secret that he doesn’t often think about what other people might be hiding. He adjusts right away though, he’s always considerate to your comfort and now is no exception. He’s so sweet, he’s just happy you told him and asking the most thoughtful questions.

Carol: Though she’s also from a more close-minded time, she’s a little less intimidating to tell. For one thing, she’s spent her life since then around a diverse range of space cultures, and for another, she kind of has her own… vibe. And yeah, you were right not to worry, she doesn’t exactly overreact but she’s very obvious in her support.

Bucky: He is surprised, but also curious. When you spend most your life in the 30s and the rest in captivity you don’t learn how to respond to someone coming out to you (at least not in a way he ever would) but he doesn’t do too bad, he clearly isn’t bothered. Actually you coming out sparks his interest in the matter and inspires him to educate himself on queerness in the 21st century.

Yelena: As another queer person, she thinks it’s great, her eyes actually light up as you tell her. Honestly, she’s kind of hoping that you have more experience with things like pride and community than she does because she could really use some guidance, but even if not it’s still nice just to know she has someone who’s like her in her life and hopes that you feel the same way.

Loki: He couldn’t be less fazed if you told him your star sign, frankly. He is quick though, he can see this is important to you. So, wanting you to feel validated he asks some polite follow up questions, he’s happy to let you vent if you want, he’ll even offer some insight as someone a lot more at home in his queer identity if you need it. Plus, the best thing about telling him is that he’s definitely down to …handle�� any bigots you’re dealing with.

Valkyrie: She’ll drink to that. Really, she thinks it’s nice, she’s supportive without making a big deal out of it. Though she’s queer herself, she wouldn’t think to offer any advice on the matter because well… she’s kind of a mess, but if you need someone to talk to she’s not a bad listener.

Kate: Despite what an adorably awkward motormouth she can be at times, she’s actually pretty chill about this. She does rush to reassure you that she’s fine with it, especially if you seem nervous, but she’s otherwise relaxed and lets you do most of the talking. It’s not that big of a shock to her really, it’s not like she’s never met other queer people before.

Peter Q: To be for real, most of what her knows about queer people comes from outdated stereotypes, relics from his childhood, and there was probably a time when coming out to him really would of sucked because of that, but he’s matured a lot since then so he takes this in with an open mind and responds with surprising sensitivity and kindness, at least by his standards.

Gamora: She’s been through planets more or less accepting of queerness so she gets the gist, but with how shut-off she’s been you’re still the first (out) queer person she’s known well. You wouldn’t know that though, because she responds very calmly to you coming out and she’s very easy to talk to about it.

Drax: He does not get the big deal. He doesn’t even get what homophobia / transphobia is really, and yet he still manages to say something totally offensive (albeit completely unintentionally) when you come out to him -which he later apologises for. Of course he accepts you, it’s not even a question, and after that first slip up he does make it a point to try and be more respectful …to mixed results.

Groot: He is Groot.

Rocket: He’s not respectful per se, because he never is, but he takes it fine. With all the crazy stuff he’s seen, you’re really not making headlines. He doesn’t know how to communicate it, but he’s sympathetic to the more alienating parts of your experience, especially to bigotry you faced, and he’s the quickest to defend you if ever needed.

[hippolotamus]

Who would I be if I didn't come barreling in with queer feelings??? Inspired by this post from my wife @bidisasterevankinard, this morning's therapy session and a few too many listens to Cleopatra by The Lumineers 😘

late for this, late for that | 7x06 coda | 757 words | G

“Not late. Right on time,” Evan sighs, content and sated, turning in his arms so they’re back-to-chest. It allows him to settle into his newly discovered love of being the little spoon. And Tommy’s new found love of indulging Evan.

“Good to know.” He presses a kiss into Evan’s mussed, disheveled curls, chuckling at the light snores his – boyfriend? Date? Guy he’s seeing? – is already making. 

If he’s being honest, ‘right on time’ is the furthest thing from what he feels. Evan hasn’t said as much, but Tommy suspects he’s started to question things about himself. About his life in general, past interactions, romances, friendships, crushes. Eventually he’ll likely face one of the biggest, if not the biggest, questions. How could I not know? 

As someone who went on a similar journey, he’ll do his best to guide Evan through. He wants to wave the proverbial magic wand to produce easy, matter-of-fact answers and soothe any wounds, but Evan will have to do that part on his own. Eventually it becomes a rewarding experience, making those discoveries, but he knows as well as anyone that it can be a bitch of a road to travel. An often dark pathway loaded with unexpected landmines. Full of monsters that go ‘boo’ at the very worst times, usually just when the dust of the last jumpscare has settled. 

Not for the first time – and likely not for the last – the notion makes Tommy wish they could have met earlier. That he could somehow turn back the clock to meet himself earlier so he could be there for Evan. He’s already put himself through the wringer, in therapy and in his own mental torture chamber, about why he lied for so long about who he is. But, as his therapist reminds him over and over again, these things are never truly done. There are often new layers unveiled, triggered by different circumstances. Sometimes big and loud, sometimes ordinary and everyday. Tommy thinks Evan might be a bit of both. 

Either way, here he is, wondering how his own life might have been different if he hadn’t denied himself for so long. If he could have been brave like Hen and said ‘this is who I am’. Because it’s not as if he didn’t know. Tommy knew exactly who he was, who he is. He’s known since the first time he kissed CJ, his high school football team’s defensive tackle, behind the bleachers after practice one late summer night. God knows he had been questioning for a hell of a lot longer. 

However, he can’t time travel and change things. He can’t give past versions of himself options that didn’t exist. Well, technically they did, but it meant blowing up his entire life and being ostracized. While Hen didn’t have anything to lose, because she was already being isolated by that era of the 118, Tommy did. 

He had what he thought were friends, though, really, most of them were alliances. People he accepted as friends for the high cost of burying his identity. Paid for with girlfriends and the occasional male sex worker when he really needed to let go. With living an empty, lonely, fraudulent existence, constantly saying no to the things and experiences he craved. Because saying yes - to ‘just one’ gay club, one pride event, one secret boyfriend willing to be called girlfriend for appearances - meant risking being found out. Meant taking a wrecking ball to the carefully curated macho persona he’d built for protection. Meant having all of his ‘meaningful’ supports and relationships ripped away. It was bad enough that his own parents couldn’t be there for him. He didn’t need the camaraderie of firefighting taken away, too. 

Evan snorts and snuffles, pulling Tommy back to the present. He turns in his sleep, somehow burrowing closer as he throws an arm across Tommy’s waist. His mouth is slack and parted, breathing calm and even. 

A wave of fondness washes over Tommy as he watches his… Evan sleep, blissfully unaware of all the things tumbling around in his brain. It’s an emotion he hasn’t felt in a while, not like this, but he’s grateful for how naturally it seems to want to return. 

Maybe they couldn’t meet earlier or change their histories, save themselves or each other from pain. But they’re here now with their combined battle scars, ready for something, whatever that looks like. And isn’t that better than never? So, perhaps what Evan said was true. Maybe he’s not too late and they’re right on time. 

part 2 (Eddie's POV) here

[guided-by-stars]

I have so many thoughts about the depiction of queer characters in Stars and Time and I fear I will never be able to express all of them…let alone coherently. One of the things I think about the most is the variety in aroaspec experiences represented. As someone who is aroaspec myself, it means so very much to me.

Mirabelle is very clearly romance and sex repulsed! She says explicitly that “doing things” with others is something she would never ever be able to bring herself to do, and that the idea of it is gross, and being in a romantic relationship would make her uncomfortable and is not something she would want to do at all. That she hates thinking about the idea of it for herself. She doesn’t merely not desire/care for it, she’s repulsed by the very idea of doing any of it. With that being said, she loves to read about romance! She finds it fun! Thinking about people in her life being together is cute to her.

On the other end of the “idgaf about romance” side of the party, Odile says that she hasn’t felt romantic love in many years. That she doesn’t care to. It’s not a priority for her. In a world where romance is seen as the end goal, something to strive for, she just…couldn’t care less. At the same time, the romantic desires she has felt in the past are also non-normative! She didn’t merely crush on a rival, or whatever most “enemies to lovers” media depicts, but she desired someone she hated!

Siffrin, the other ace of the party, differentiates themselves from Mira every time the concept of sex or romance comes up. In the writing room, they initially see the "people doing fun stuff" drawings and looks at them with curiosity. In later acts, his curiosity turns into a sick feeling, and another important factor to point out is that Siffrin has always seen his desires as “gross” and “shameful”, and the longer he stays in the loops, the more disgusted he is with himself. When talking to Mira about the topic, he thinks to himself about how sometimes he wishes he didn’t feel romantic love. When relating to Mira’s lack of sexual desire, he expresses that he finds sex “weird”, which contrasts against Mirabelle’s much more harsh statement of sex being gross and awful. Clearly he’s not repulsed, at the least, but shares Mira’s lack of inherent attraction to others in that way. Still, there’s a curiosity there. It seems that he wonders what makes it something that others like so much.

[ramiethewizard]

I have many critiques on Keeper of the Lost Cities. Don’t get me wrong, I love it as a series. But like any series, there are both obvious and unobvious flaws. Since I finally have a place online to talk about them I thought I’d share my thoughts! (Disclaimer: this is not bashing on Shannon Messenger or the series in any way!)

1. Too many protagonists

The series was fairly okay with the original gang in the earlier books. That group being Sophie, Keefe, Fitz, Biana, and Dex. There was a chance to connect with all of the characters and grow on each of them. I know I know, characters like Biana and Dex were still pushed aside a bit but they had a better chance at being involved again. But then only more and more protagonists joined. Adding Tam and Linh was iffy, but fine. Then you add Marella, Maruca, Wylie, Stina, all those people. We don’t have a chance to connect with the characters.

2. Obvious favoritism

A few people have pointed this out already, and I thought I’d do the same. Shannon has very clear favorites of the series - which is fine, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes it’s used a little too much. Keefe is a very obvious favorite. We constantly focus on him and his story. At this point, Sophie AND Keefe are the protagonists. I love Keefe, but I want to learn about the injustices and discrimination of Bad Matches from Dex. I want to learn about the expectations of being a Vacker from Fitz and Biana. See what I’m saying?

3. Little plots abandoned

I feel like there have been so many times where Shannon starts this little idea and then throws it away. If you reread the books, you seem to find so many instances where there’s something, and then it’s just abandoned. For example, Magnate Leto (Forkle) says in I think Exile how he doesn’t have a wife and he seems quite sad about it. Or the time in…Flashback I believe where we meet Tinker. Tinker is such an interesting character. She freaks out when Forkle talks about explosives and he said that he wouldn’t make her build them - ‘not again’. HUH? And we’ve gotten no more out of it.

4. Overly focused on romance

Probably my biggest pet peeve with the series is that it is so so focused on romance. Having romance in the series is fine but there’s so much. I feel like Sophie barely even has any character left. You can tell that Shannon was just really excited to write the romantic relationships because even in the first book (WHEN SHES TWELVE) there are already intense moments. And the biggest thing is that characters like Keefe and Fitz (the love interests) are so much more important than characters like Biana and Dex (the friends). It’s a weird thing because Sophie should be apart of both groups but there’s just a weird focus on the guys that she’s into.

5. Lack of diversity

This is something that I think should just be improved in general. Most of the protagonists are very stereotypical and don’t have any diversity. Most of the main characters are white - which is fine but when it gets to be that ALL of the protagonists are, it just gets a little…you know? I mean, Tam, Linh, and Wylie are not white but they’re also not focused on at all in the series. It’s one of the reasons why people headcanon the Vackers to be POC so much. There’s also no LGBTQ+ characters - which again, fine for the most part but also…people of the queer community are incredibly common and the KOTLC characters seem so…not straight. So the fact that it’s been like ten books and there hasn’t been anything is just a little eh. Same with mental health, or physical abilities. Just a lack of diversity.

I love this series a lot, but like anything, it can always improve. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[supercalime]

I know Buck wasn’t originally written as bisexual but looking back to season 2, you actually can interpret buck being attracted to eddie. He may even had a little crush on him. But Eddie being canonically straight didn’t show any romantic or sexual interest towards buck. I think if he was canonically gay and interested in buck and made any moves towards it, he could have had his bi awakening or realization back then and could have caught serious romantic feelings for Eddie. You can’t deny some parallels between his first meeting with eddie and with tommy. The unknown jealousy and the ranting about them. But because eddie is straight and never showed any sign of beeing into buck, his (maybe) feelings for eddie turned into an incredibly great friendship. That’s why I think his feelings for Tommy are very real and don’t have anything to do with Eddie. Tommy is canonically gay and reciprocated the feelings and attraction to buck. He was the one who made the first move and kissed buck. Buck was clearly interested in him and tried to get his attention. I do think that if tommy wasn’t interested in him and didn’t kiss him, buck still wouldn’t have figured out that he’s bisexual and his feelings towards him probably would’ve eventually turned into friendly feelings. I personally tend to hope for bucktommy rather than buddie but I wouldn’t be mad if buddie became canon. But I think the only way would be to make eddie demisexual, because there were really no signs that he likes men in any way other than his strong connection and chemistry with buck. Different from buck where you can retrospectively see many unintentional signs.

Oh yeah! I want to make it abundantly clear that I’m all in the bucktommy train 100%

I fell in love with them and I’m more in favor of them than the ship that shall not be named. I can’t stress it enough, I want bucktommy to be endgame. I’m a bucktommy slut.

I do believe you can look back and see clues that maybe buck was into eddie, whether that was intentional or not. I believe the writers accidentally queer coded him and when they noticed they decided to run with it when they got the green light from the network.

But as you said, he could have had an initial crush on a friend and that changed with time. And that is completely fine! It doesn’t mean he had been in love with him the whole time and repressing it. Of course there is the possibility that buck and eddie can be an item, if the writers decide to go that route.

That being said, as of now, there are no concrete evidence on screen that buck and eddie were/are going in that direction. Like you said, eddie hasn’t shown he’s into men/buck and if buck was into eddie since the beginning and vice versa, i believe the writers would have pushed that queer coding to the max she-ra style to force the network to get them together. There had been opportunities for the writers to not be that ambiguous.

And yes! The canon bi buck storyline is not about Eddie and it shouldn’t be even if buck and eddie are supposed to be endgame. All the signs since 07x03 (when Buck touched Tommy’s shoulder and we all got a little bit of the gay vibe) have pointed that Buck had been into tommy and mistook who he was placing the jealousy on during 07x04. It’s a classic trope and I hate that b*ddie stans conveniently forgot how misdirection works to feed into what they want (not only that, but also stating as fact). When 07x05 rolled around and we got the coming out scene, it’s clear to me that there was no intention to place bucks attraction to men on eddie or eddie also realizing he’s queer. It would have been the perfect opportunity to sprinkle in some queer eddie but there was not even a subtle hint of that in that entire scene and I honestly hope their friendship stays that way.

Not to be a bitch but, why can’t they “just” be friends? It’s so rare to have these archetypes of characters be as vulnerable and devoted to each other, without an ounce of toxic masculinity, being true friends and nothing else. I whole heartedly believe what buck and eddie have is even bigger than family or romance, they are each others rocks and defining them as brothers or “husbands” does a disservice to their relationship. I think of them more as platonic soulmates. They are others ride or die, which reminds me a lot of Marjan and Paul from lone star (they have a very similar dynamic and despite theoretically having the possibility of being a couple - as a straight woman and straight man - I don’t see them going that way ever because that’s not what their relationship is. They love each other, would literally die for each other but are not and will never see each other as potential romantic partners).

On a waaaaaaaaay lighter note: I’m excited for next episode. We are surely getting more bucktommy and I simply can’t wait to see what the writers have cooking up for this lovely ship!

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Maddie’s word choice when Buck told her about his date with Tommy in 705 was so gentle and supportive, as we’ve all discussed. But her words were also SO SLICK!!!

She was treading lightly because she of course knew that this was a sensitive time for Buck AND she also did some math in her head over the course of the conversation and realized that there’s a piece of the equation that Buck is missing. She couldn’t just give Buck the answer though. Some puzzles he’s gotta work out on his own.

So. Looking more closely at the actual dialogue…

Buck gives Maddie the rundown of the evening’s happenings. Maddie notices the date’s pronoun. Then:

Buck: Yeah, okay, I was on a date with a guy. Again, not-not really the point.

Maddie: Mmm, it could very much be the point.

Remember, Buck is upset with himself for lying to Eddie *and doesn’t understand why he did that* He thinks it’s about dating a man in general. I think Maddie suspects it’s actually about Buck’s unrealized/unexpressed feelings for Eddie. The lie Buck is reeling over probably isn’t about dating a man, but about dating the wrong man.

Back to the conversation. Buck explains his allyship, then:

Maddie: So-so now you’re more than an ally?

Buck: It was my first time, it was dinner and a movie, and I - I didn’t even make it to the movie.

Maddie is following Buck’s reasoning in the ally part of the conversation, but clearly not quite vibing with parts of it. She’s in support mode, basically honoring Buck’s process and his journey. But still trying to navigate her own in the moment reactions without freaking Buck out. Treading lightly.

After Buck’s last remark above, cue Maddie’s haunted facial expression in which she clearly reviews countless past events and conversations with Buck in light of his new discovery about himself:

Maddie: Wow.

Buck: What, ‘wow’?

Maddie: No, not ‘wow’. Like, ‘Wow. I didn’t think that’s where your interests would lie.”

From my perspective she clearly and firmly rejected the ‘wow, you’re queer, what the hell. Way to be a massive enigma little brother’ interpretation…because obviously she would reject that. But that second clarification ‘wow’ doesn’t mean what Buck thought it meant. I honestly do NOT think she was saying ‘I didn’t think/know that you might be into guys too’.

Maddie is basically Buck mom for all intents and purposes, and she knows him well. To be fair, most people close to Buck know him better than he knows himself in key ways so with Maddie’s canon comments about Buck’s sexuality over the years, there’s no way she didn’t have her hunches. Period. What I think Maddie actually meant was that she didn’t think Buck had eyes for any guy but Eddie at this point. After doing the new math in her head real quick, of course.

I think that tracks with what she said a little later and how she said it:

Maddie: Okay, I don’t think you’re a fraud, I just think that maybe you’re not sure of your own feelings yet. And if there’s something that you need to tell Eddie, you will. Just, in your own time.

Between that line and her facial expressions, Maddie was on a damn journey! Imho it took everything in her to not just say ‘Wait what?! Eddie is your person my guy let’s be so for real right now’. She was a mix of confused and exasperated in the home stretch of that conversation lol. Still she showed up, met Buck where he was at, and supported him.

Then to top off that whole ‘coming out’ and ‘feeling like a fraud’ scene, Maddie says to Buck “so tell me about the hot pilot” and the scene immediately transitions to Eddie in bed with Marisol. Yeah, Eddie is the hot pilot in question. Buck just hasn’t figured it out yet, and Maddie realizes **all of that** now!

[pynkhues]

You write such great Louis meta that I was curious about your opinion on something. I’m not sure if you’ve written something about this before or not so if you have please disregard!

The show is very clear with us since the first episode that Louis is capable of violence against those he loves most obviously including Paul and Lestat. But I also see a connecting thread with Louis conflating/connecting sex and violence as well. The scene at Antoinette’s is the most obvious but when I started thinking about it, it seems like this is a common thing for him. The murders in the park in Paris, where he’s seeing dreamstat. The 128 boys in SF. Maybe his relationship with Armand, even. Maybe with Jonah, where he was biting his own arm to keep from killing him (probably also because of hunger so I’m less sure about that one, or maybe that’s part of it too).

I started thinking about this reading analyses of the long face lyrics and people’s confusion about Lestat calling himself piano and Louis forte. And on the one hand I’m like *shrug* maybe it’s not that deep or it’s meant to irritate Louis- and on the other I’m like welllll Louis does kind of come at him aggressively sometimes, so maybe this is Lestat’s actual pov.

Thank you for your kind words, anon! And yeah, I definitely see what you mean and agree. I’m not sure if it’s necessarily the conflation of violence and sex themselves, but I do think an enormous part of Louis’ character is about the repression of self until that self explodes violently out of him. To me, it’s ultimately that that feeds into Louis’ complex relationship with power and control which is often reflected in exertions of physical autonomy, both over his own body and the bodies of other people (and not even just sexually – a huge part of his relationship with Claudia is in his platonic dominion over her body, from having Lestat make her for him in the first place, to trying to control what she eats, what she wears and, most significantly, her role within the family unit [her transition to sister is, after all, just a placation. Dreamstat proves that, just as the coven calling her a feminine denouement of his name ‘Baby Lulu’ is. She is always her father’s daughter]).

Louis’ repression vs Louis’ oppression

One of the most interesting changes that the show has made is in changing Louis’ race, and while there has plenty said about that, the shift from the book as a purely repressed character, to one who’s repression is fueled by racial and societal oppression has elevated not just the character, but the show. Louis’ limitations aren’t just the ones he internalizes anymore, they’re externalized – when we meet him, he hasn’t picked a role as he has in the book, it’s been a role forced upon him by the era, the city and the systemic structures in place around him. He has to play the tough pimp down in the Black brothels he himself runs to cement his social power there, but he also has to play subservient, placating, and second-class to white society to gain any social power there.

The result is Louis represses different parts of himself as a result of oppression twice over – he’s repressing the softer, loving parts of himself working the part of Storyville he has power in, while repressing the harder, more ruthless parts of himself working the part of Storyville he doesn’t, to say nothing of having to repress his queerness in a religious household and a homophobic society. I think this makes him a melting pot in more ways than one, because it makes his authentic self hard even for him to identify within himself. He spends so much of his time code switching and repressing different parts of himself, yes, to survive, but also to advance which I think is a less talked about part of his character.

Like, Louis’ not just a survivor of his situation, he’s an ambitious man who seeks to elevate his social position and gain social power. I do think that’s partially borne out of the implied fall from grace his father had, and being pushed into the role of family patriarch at a pretty young age, and his singular rage at being locked out of NOLA’s upper echelons in the 1910s through 40s, but I also think it’s just a vital part of his character. Louis’ a social climber first, and a capitalist second! It’s one of the things that I find most interesting about him, and I love that the show leant into it with Louis actually gaining social power through his relationship with Lestat, even if it doesn’t always look like it (i.e. him having to play Black employee to his white husband at the opera).

Louis leverages that social power (and Lestat’s whiteness) to allow first professional advancement through the acquisition of The Fair Play Saloon – both his biggest competitor and a symbol of the white society he was locked out of, and turning it into The Azaelia, but also I’d argue the perception of personal advancement through having Lestat make him a child, something he also believed that he was locked out of as a gay man. Claudia's not just self-affirmant to Louis, but a symbol of achievement over society in the same way The Azaelia was, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that she was born out of the death of it.

Okay, but what’s that got to do with body autonomy, sex and violence?

Yes! Right! Get back on track, Sophie, haha. Look, both Louis’ survival and advancement are really determined by his ability to control himself and choose what to be and when. Like I said above, he has to repress different parts of himself to be able to work different parts of society, and I do think there’s a resentment of the fact that he has to do that at all. He can’t float through life authentically because he’s not granted the same privilege of straight, white men, and even when he has someone who passes for that on his arm, he’s still limited in how he’s able to wield Lestat’s social power out of the house in that particular era.

That – understandably! – stokes an enormous amount of feeling. Yes, rage is a big one, but I also think grief and hurt and sheer weight, and Louis as a character tends to repress all of that too. He struggles to self-manage his emotions because he’s never been allowed the space to, and even when Lestat tries to give him that space, Lestat has exactly 0% capacity to understand him. Louis and Lestat are very, very different characters from very, very different eras and countries, and I think fundamentally don’t understand each other, despite loving each other deeply, and in a lot of ways, that’s probably part of the appeal for them.

Louis though I think does view managing his emotions as intrinsically linked to controlling himself / his body, which comes to this point that Louis presents himself as a very cerebral character, but he’s not really. He might talk a lot, read a lot, enjoy art a lot, but Louis’ always been both practical and physical. How he handles himself, how he processes trauma, how he hides from himself and others, hell, how he enjoys himself isn’t necessarily something he thinks about, it’s something he does, and usually does with his or somebody else’s body.

He hides his sexuality using Miss Lily's body, he represses his vampirism with an animal diet, he combats feelings of powerlessness, boredom, malaise with exertions of power, pleasure, comfort over and with other people’s bodies, whether that’s making Lestat turn Claudia (an exertion of power not just over Claudia, but Lestat too), the scene at Antoinette’s (significantly being after an enormous loss of power with Lestat’s act of abuse), murdering Lestat at the Mardi Gras Ball (and saving him / grabbing Claudia too), depending on Claudia for his own happiness in Europe, grabbing Santiago’s tongue at the restaurant, his D/s relationship with Armand and using Armand’s body to perform power over the Coven, the murder of the coven and Alderman Fenwick to process trauma and oppression, the 128 boys in San Francisco with Armand waiting at home, the rocks in his ankles, the comfort of the embrace in the reunion with Lestat. Hell, even the interview becomes a physical act given the way he flies Daniel out and then weaponises his Parkinson's against him.

We spend so much time with Louis playing passive as he narrates the events of his life in Dubai that I think it can be easy to overlook how physical he actually is as a character, and the importance bodily autonomy plays in his connection to himself and his connection to others. The fact that that can and does manifest aggressively / violently sometimes (particularly after periods of feeling powerless, traumatised or overwhelmed) is absolutely a part of that, but even beyond that, I think he does have a real physical vocabulary that he often tries to depict as more cerebral because I think it makes him feel more in control of himself.  

So yeah, I think you're right in that Lestat thinking Louis' forte probably is pretty accurate to how Lestat sees him.

[slliest-clownmari]

overwatch gender + sexuality headcanons, as a treat

all opinions etc etc feel free to share your own thoughts :]]

Ana: Straight and an ally, mostly in a “I can’t believe anyone would get so pressed about a non-issue with when the world has so many actual pressing issues,” kind of way. 

Ashe: Lesbian but mad comphet for Cass. She’s since figured it out but like that was so embarrassing. And They really did have SOMETHING going on. Secret third thing.

Baptiste: Bisexual with a slight preference for men.

Bastion: Bastion.

Brigitte: Fully thought she was a straight woman until she realized sapphic women really like how strong she is and she kind of liked how much they like that? Ermm that’s something to address later. 

Cass: Bisexual with a preference for women. Will try most things at least once — that’s how he found out he was bisexual.

D.Va: Straight trans woman. Thought she was bisexual for a while but not really, it was more of a gender envy kind of thing.

Doomfist: Gay. 

Echo: Hasn’t decided yet.

Genji: Bisexual. Got into a lot of messy queer flings when he was younger, but currently mostly abstains. 

Hanzo: Gay but tries really hard not to think about it. Touch starved beyond belief and would not know how to process the emotions that come with being held.

Illari: Hasn’t gotten it figured out yet but she knows she likes girls. Since the incident she feels so unworthy of love that she doesn’t entertain the thought of a relationship. It is not a fantasy she’s allowed to have. Her life is not to be given to another, but to be given to her people as penance for the lives she took that day. 

Junker Queen: Bisexual but with no real concept of sexuality. She likes, she pursues. She would laugh in the face of labels; sexuality just is to her. 

Junkrat: Functionally AroAce? but much more sinister. Not ace as in no sexual desire but no sexual desire for people. Just gets off on blowing shit up, mostly. Is irradiated a queer identity?

Juno: AroAce but has literally no idea. Like she knows what sex is but thinks it’s a purely mechanical, purpose driven activity. The idea that people have sex for fun is beyond her and nobody is willing to fall on the sword and explain it. Genuinely really thought that romance was made up for TV. 

Kiriko: Straight but kinda bicurious? All her friends are queer, though. 

Lifeweaver: Trans and pansexual. He did not pay for top surgery using his parents money not to show off the scars, baby! He has a real love for the art of wooing, if only there was any time for it. 

Lúcio: Pansexual with a preference for the feminine. 

Mauga: Flaming bisexual but so hung up on Baptiste it hardly matters. Possessive to the extreme. 

Mei: Straight but has totally said, “I wish I liked girls!” to Tracer. 

Mercy: Like 90% straight but Moira has the hatefuck overwrite. 

Moira: Lesbian with an aromantic edge to her. Non-binary but mostly in a gender ambivalent way. She got top surgery at some point and has thought about playing around with T, but ultimately that’s not her priority. 

Orisa: Not currently interested. 

Pharah: Lesbian. 

Ramattra: He’s never even considered a romantic or sexual relationship before. There has always been something bigger. He writes it off as a human proclivity, but ultimately I think he’d be pansexual. He has no real strong feelings about gender, but seeing as masculinity is the default for strength, he leans masculine. 

Reaper: Bisexual but mostly busy angsting.

Reinhardt: Straight and he LOVES going to pride. He’s kissed men before he just wasn’t into it. 

Roadhog: Gay but not very interested in a relationship of any kind. 

Sigma: Straight but he’s always had a hard time identifying and acting upon his feelings. This is not to say he is entirely inexperienced, only that nothing ever managed to last very long. His first love was always his work, and anything else — anyone else — was doomed to come second. 

Sojourn: Straight but she’s a real ally about it. Apologizes regularly to the poor hopeful sapphics that try to shoot their shot. 

Soldier: 76: Gay but mostly busy angsting. 

Sombra: She is soo bisexual. A bit of an aromantic edge to her too, probably demi? She’s conditioned herself to not get invested, not to expect the luxury of close connections with other people. It is helpful that it’s hard for her to want to date anyone, anyway. 

Symmetra: Lesbian who had a kind of comphet for Lifeweaver. It was definitely a situation where she sat down, evaluated her options, and decided he suited her well enough. Y’know, the normal way you decide on a crush. Lifeweaver saw right through her which she did not appreciate. Thought her appreciation for women was purely aesthetic. Like, the kind of person who talks a lot about how women are “just the idealized human form.” 

Torbjörn: Straight. 

Tracer: Lesbian who likes to get a little funky with gender sometimes, as a treat. Home base is always woman, but she’ll play outside that. 

Venture: Nonbinary lesbian. 

Widowmaker: She used to be straight, but she finds it hard to want anything anymore. 

Winston: Monkey

Wrecking Ball: He’s a hater. Little genuine bigotry in his little heart but so much love for discovering new uncouth words he can call people. 

Zarya: Straight military woman :(

Zenyatta: Has a really loose view of queer identity and doesn’t use labels of any kind. He’s a man in so far as he is perceived as one, but he has no particular attachment to that. Nor is he very pressed about sexuality, either. We’re all one within the iris and all that. 

[pluttskutt]

Okay, so, here’s the thing. Eddie knows trans people. Wait, that sounds bigoted. He has friends who are trans. Queer. Not queer because they are trans but because they identify as trans and queer. Off-topic, doesn’t matter, okay. The point is that Eddie is rollin’ with the LGBT. Not just rollin’ but identifies as gay. A homosexual. Throughout his life he’s had many identifiers—some granted to him by others such as freak—and he’s proud to be who is, which also happens to be gay so he’s proud and out. Always has been. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s always successful in his pursuits of finding true love or whatever the kids are calling it but he’s out there and he’s doing it.

Except for those rare times he falls so hard for someone it makes him a blabbering idiot and he loses every ounce of self-respect in futile attempts at making them see him because honestly, he’s pretty invisible to the guys he falls for. It sucks, but he can’t change his type and during those times he’s not doing much of anything except pining like a lovestruck puppy.

So, Eddie knows guys. The T and the B and the P and the Q and even the A. You’d think he’s golden then, right? He’s been with guys and others so he knows his way around the letter mafia. Maybe he would be golden if it just wasn’t for that pesky little detail of acting like a fool at any given moment. Like being caught staring at Steve’s chest when he’s wearing a hoodie because he’s not binding and Eddie can’t decide if it’s curiosity or horniness that makes him stare.

(This is a lie. He knows he wants to grab Steve by the counter and do things friends shouldn’t be thinking about doing to each other. Or have Steve do it to him. He’s flexible.)

Robin elbows him in the side whenever he stares, sending him a stare so cold it sends chills down his spine. “Stop being so weird around him or I’m banning you from our game nights. Man, seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

A lot, he wants to reply, but also nothing. So he stays silent, and he thanks Steve for his hospitality and food, and he wrecks them both in Mario Kart because they suck, which is astonishing because they’ve been having game nights since before he got invited.

It’s over too quickly. The match, snacks, the drinks, the night, and he has to leave with Robin because she can’t drive and they won’t let her walk home alone when it’s dark out. He helps clean up while she vanishes into the bathroom and hopes that maybe this is the night he has the guts to ask Steve if they can meet just the two of them and hang out (go on a date) but it never is and he beats himself up over it and tells himself that next time, for sure, but he doesn’t ask and doubts he ever will.

What Eddie knows, he knows well.

But Eddie hasn’t ever asked out an autistic guy before and he’s honestly afraid to do so. Sensory issues are a big part of what’s difficult for autistic people, he knows that much, and he also knows he’s a lot. He’s been told as much by guys he’s dated in the past and most of the time, his a lot is what made them end it. Talking, drama, clinginess, just too much.

“Thanks for the help,” Steve says, not looking at him but at the dishes he’s washing in the sink.

He’s so quiet it’s driving Eddie insane, which is why he can’t ask him out because he’d talk his ear off and cause him to have a meltdown because of sensory overload. Yes, Eddie read up about those. “I heard Robin won’t be here next weekend,” he says, a futile attempt at conversing. As soon as the game vanishes so does their topic of conversation.

“Mmh,” Steve grunts.

Eddie wants to scream. He’s begging the hamster doing all the legwork in his brain on that spinning wheel to think of anything to talk about but he comes up empty.

“She’s visiting her parents and I think she said she’ll be gone a week,” Steve says, just as the silence had taken over the room. He wipes his hand on the kitchen towel, lips narrowed and a scowl on his face like he’s thinking about something bothersome.

“Mhm.” Eddie pushes his hair away from his face and sticks it behind an ear, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks at Steve, watching him as he puts away the garbage from their night. “I’ll take-“

“Do you want-“

They both stop talking, watching the other. Steve smiles and brushes a hand through his hair, which he really shouldn’t have since he just tied a knot on the garbage bag. “You go first,” he says when it’s obvious neither of them dares to go first in case they cut the other off again.

Eddie takes a step closer and grabs the bag. “I’ll take that.” He walks over to the front door because the water is running in the bathroom and Robin’s one second away from joining them and wanting to leave before she falls asleep on the sofa. It’s happened once or twice. He’s pretty sure game nights turned into sleepovers regularly before he joined them.

He looks at Steve and catches his eyes before he averts them. They’re pretty to look at, but Eddie doesn’t get the chance to look into them a lot. Eye contact is difficult for Steve and he doesn’t want to push it. “You up for grabbing lunch then? I know it’s not game night but it can still be fun.”

“Yes,” Steve answers, voice certain and tone steady. He’s nodding with a smile, and Eddie wants to believe he wanted him to ask.

[jennyboom21]

The New York Times is facing backlash following an opinion piece about Taylor Swift and queer sexuality that some have deemed invasive, and with everyone chiming in, things are getting messy, fast. So what’s really going on?

Last Thursday, an op-ed penned by writer Anna Marks was published in The New York Times. Although it centered around Taylor Swift, and the longstanding speculation by fans surrounding queer-flagging in her music, her relationships with women thought to be more than just friends, and the rumor that she had intended to come out during the Lover era, the heart of the piece was about how modern society seems determined to prove we still aren’t ready to embrace LGBTQ+ celebrities in the same way as (perceived) straight celebrities.

She pointed to the obsession both the media and fans have with picking apart Swift’s love life—real, perceived, or completely fabricated—and how that’s okay, so long as it remains viewed through a heteronormative lens. She discussed the difference between celebrities coming out and average people coming out, the risks that are faced, the expectations of what “coming out” looks like, and how culture has historically and repeatedly forced Sapphic readings of art to be “ignored, censored, or lost to time.”

But all some people saw was speculation—hardly new—that Taylor Swift might not be straight. And that was a problem.

CNN Business(?) gets involved.

Two days later, CNN Business put forth the claim that “Taylor Swift’s associates” were upset about the op-ed.

“Because of her massive success, in this moment there is a Taylor-shaped hole in people’s ethics,” the anonymous source said. “This article wouldn’t have been allowed to be written about Shawn Mendes or any male artist whose sexuality has been questioned by fans.

They added: “There seems to be no boundary some journalists won’t cross when writing about Taylor, regardless of how invasive, untrue, and inappropriate it is - all under the protective veil of an ‘opinion piece,’” while the article’s writer, Oliver Darcy, claimed Swift herself has refuted being part of the LGBTQ+ community. (In actuality, she once made a remark about realizing she could “advocate for a community [she’s] not a part of,” which is hardly the firm denial some want to think it is. Particularly so soon after Billie Eilish came out after explicitly saying she was straight several years earlier.)

This soon blew up, drawing more ire towards the original piece, despite several questionable aspects of the CNN article.

For one, although it’s common for sources close to a celebrity to speak to a publication about something, CNN Business is an unusual choice—which suggests an unusual source.

There was also notable pushback against the idea that nobody would speculate about a male celebrity’s sexuality, particularly when Marks herself previously wrote a similar piece about Harry Styles.

Chely Wright chimes in.

Marks’ op-ed opened by discussing the struggles country music star Chely Wright had coming out as gay back in 2010.

Despite Wright’s wife, Lauren Blitzer, initially reposting the NYT op-ed, saying, “I’ll just leave this right here,” after the backlash began, Wright herself called the piece “triggering,” “not because the writer mentioned my nearly ending my life—but seeing a public person’s sexuality being discussed is upsetting.”

Having such exquisite firsthand experience with society’s unwillingness to move away from heteronormative expectations for public figures, Wright’s opinion is both valid and understandable.

What Taylor Swift herself has said.

Swift hasn’t responded to the controversy, which is to be expected, as she rarely comments on these matters directly.

Her publicist, Tree Paine, also has not appeared to comment, whether publicly or through the trades as an anonymous source—despite taking to Twitter to directly shut down “fabricated lies” about Swift from gossip account deuxmoi less than two months ago.

Where this leaves things.

Regardless of where Swift falls on the sexuality spectrum, two things are true.

First, the big uproar about Marks’ op-ed ultimately just proves her point. The fact that so many people have repeatedly felt the need to “defend” Swift against “allegations” of possibly being queer highlights what we all know—that coming out as LGBTQ+ is still seen as a strike against someone, something that can cause damage to their career.

This is something Marks’ piece hammered home again and again, while speculating both that it would take a massive celebrity like Swift coming out to move the needle in this way of thinking and that we keep proving she would not be embraced if she did.

“For [the majority of fans], acknowledging even the possibility that Ms. Swift could be queer would irrevocably alter the way they connect with her celebrity, the true product they’re consuming,” she wrote.

Secondly, it has repeatedly been people insisting that queer celebrities who have not explicitly come out of the closet publicly are straight, rather than those speculating they might be queer, that have forced them to come out. We’ve seen this with Kit Connor, Dove Cameron, and Rita Ora in the not-so-distant past, to name a few.

So is the NYT piece causing harm? Or is it CNN Business, Taylor’s “associates,” and everyone “defending” her—when she and her team have never appeared to feel queer rumors are something she needs defending against—who are causing a bigger problem?

Marks did not call for Swift to come out—nor do most of the fans who think she may be a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Instead, they simply reaffirm the idea that nobody has to come out with a big, explicit announcement the way straight people generally expect coming out to look like, and that both queer readings of art and queer-flagging have long been a part of queer culture. They are valid, and immeasurably important in a society that still is not as accepting as it could be. Demanding “straight until proven otherwise” is an attempt to diminish that and force people out before they are ready—and that is one of the points that is being completely lost on the people who are failing to look at the bigger picture laid out so thoughtfully right in front of them.

“The stories that dominate our collective imagination shape what our culture permits artists and their audiences to say and be,” Marks wrote. “Every time an artist signals queerness and that transmission falls on deaf ears, that signal dies. Recognizing the possibility of queerness — while being conscious of the difference between possibility and certainty — keeps that signal alive.”

[urantisocialgay]

oh i defo did not mean that ask as a ”she needs to come out and owes it to people” lol

i was just wondering if people had any ideas since so many other players are queer and out, just find it interesting. i thought she’s likely not saying anything to protect her current relationship from the public. because with coming out would come relationship questions etc.

oh I definitely didn’t mean it in that way!!

that’s just my actual opinion on why she may have not said anything on her sexuality.

Honestly, I don’t think she’s hiding it, she just hasn’t announced it. Which she doesn’t have to.

[mariejordans]

Have you considered being a nicer person? I just happen to be friends with the person you slagged off on your blog and you clearly didn't expect your post to get back to her, but it did, as a few people alerted her to your post. FYI, that wasn't her post, the thing you were attacking her over about Sam and Cate, that was submitted to her blog from somebody else from Reddit. Second, she's not a Stan, she has development disabilities and Sam is her special interest/emotional focus. He makes her happy, so of course she's only going to focus on him. Calling her a 'Mega Stan' is rather ableist on your part. She's also not a Cate stan. Why would you even think that? Cate hurt Sam. So maybe next time you want to attack disabled people on your blog, take two seconds to cool down, consider how your words may hurt people and just don't do it. Mkay? This fandom is small and it got back to her eventually, so just think about your actions next time please. You are very lucky she isnt the call out type, because she will never say anything on her blog about this, but at least some of us know your true colours. Consider your actions and check to see if your posts are hurtful.

first of all, as someone who is also neurodivergent, i apologize for my comments hurting your friend. it hasn’t and never will be my intention to attack disabled people on this blog, so i’m genuinely very sorry for that. to be honest, i did not know that your friend had developmental disabilities, so again, i apologize.

that being said, i believe you’re talking about this post i made almost a month ago? it was in response to this post just to be clear, because a few of your comments have me a bit confused. i’m not sure what you mean by “that wasn’t her post, that was submitted to her blog from somebody else from Reddit” when everything i was responding to in my original post were based on things that she did say in this post (which she published so it is her post) not the person who sent the ask or the redditor (who i actually agree with.)

secondly, i don’t have any issue or problem with sam being her special interest. it doesn’t bother me that most of what she posts is about sam. most of what i post is about marie or jordan, so i get it. there’s nothing wrong with sam being her sole focus.

what i DID have an issue with was the way that she constantly undermined marie in her post. marie moreau IS the main character of gen v. that’s not an opinion, it’s literally a fact. every single point that the person made in the reddit post is correct and your friend wrote an entire post trying to come up with excuses for that not to be true. it just comes across very odd to me that they wrote an entire post trying to undermine marie and her importance to the show.

and honestly, why does it bother her so much that marie is the main character or that other people think of her like that anyway? her being the main character doesn’t diminish or take away anything from the show or sam, so i genuinely don’t see the need to make a long post about how marie actually isn’t the main character.

you can like any character you want. you can dislike any character you want (although if you dislike marie, i do give you serious side-eye) but undermining one character’s importance for the sake of another, ESPECIALLY when said character happens to be a queer black woman that you discredit in favor of two cis white characters, that’s where i have a problem.

[my-castles-crumbling]

i’m not straight. 

This has been a month of revelations Cas. A bit before you begun naming your anons (which is smart btw) I sent you an ask. I read it like the day after you answered it and it got me thinking. And now i’ve done a month of thinking and experimenting and I thought I ought to come back and thank you. 

I found the old ask I made, it’s here,

https://www.tumblr.com/my-castles-crumbling/745963519826165760/hi-im-sort-of-new-to-tumblr-i-got-into?source=share

So you might see I wrote in that i’m straight. I have found that… not to be entirely true. 

It’s been a LONG month. Well, month and a half or something idk. 

So, you’ll see you gave me five possible options. For my… feelings. 

The first one was that I wasn’t used to being around queer people, which is fair, since my town doesn’t really have many queer people, however I would say that many of some of them are my friends. So I sort of am used to being around queer people. So that was a no.

The second one was about how I felt watching them. Which very quickly came down to, like I want to throw up all over her girlfriend. Whenever they’re together. Not much beyond that tbh.

The third one was I don’t like the girlfriend as a person. Which would’ve been the perfect excuse had she not been both lovely… and a sort of friend before they started dating, a happy acquaintance to have, you could say (and then she became a less happy acquaintance to have). 

Fourth was, I miss doing platonic buddy things with her. Which I very much did miss. But with the benefit of miraculous hindsight, I know see all the platonic buddy things we did maybe weren’t so platonic buddy like. 

And five was an incredible gentle and sweet way to whack me over the head. You said it was “something to think about”. I’ll be honest, I hadn’t even considered it an option. It’s very easy to go down the path of “well, I could date girls. But i’m not gay. Cause I like men. And I would date a girl. But I can’t. Cause i’m straight. But I would, but i’m not”. Kind of endlessly. 

Anyway, long story short… i’m not straight. I eliminated literally ALL other options, before I let myself think it, but i’ve now reached the conclusion that yes, I may have been slightly jealous of my best friend and her girlfriend, and oddly enough it’s NOT exactly common to be excited and feel warm at the prospect of your friend having a crush on you (like she told me she did before all this- that I said at the start of my other ask) 

So yeah. Long month Cas. This took some thinking. And then some angered thinking. Because it’s thrown a wrench into some of my plans. 

That said however, I may… have told my friend. That figured out, that i’m not straight. I told her a few days ago, and just ended up blabbering everything to her and I told her not to feel pressured and that i’m sure not ready for anything and that I wasn’t coming on to her, I just thought she deserved to know why I was being weird and how I felt. 

She told me she hasn’t really stopped having a crush on me, but she agrees that I need time to figure myself out. 

BUT THEN… then the next day, I kid you not, she broke up with the girlfriend. 

I told her that I hoped she didn’t do that for me cause I wanted her to be happy, even if it was with her girlfriend, and it wasn’t fair for me to ask her to break up with her since i’m not ready for anything. 

And she said she felt like it was lying to her girlfriend because she still felt how she felt about me, but that I shouldn’t feel any pressure cause we can just go back to how we were and play it by ear (she said she missed how we used to be as well). 

And if we don’t work out, so is life sometimes. 

So that’s your update. I guess we’ll see what happens. But I think a weight I didn’t realise was there has been lifted of my shoulders a little now. At least now I know what’s been missing. 

And I don’t know what i’ll do from here, probably nothing drastic until Uni next year (MOVING OUT of this shit town) but either way, I have another step I guess- what level of Not Straight am I? I told my best friend (the one I do not have a crush on and who is also queer so I was cool coming out to her) that I assumed I was bisexual. 

She asked if I felt like I was bisexual. 

To be honest, i’m not sure a label will fit me for a while, so for now bisexual seems to get the message across. For the like three people I got the guts to tell cause I thought they’d be helpful.

There’s not much queer people can do in this town anyway, i’ve known that a while. Tread lightly and go to music festivals- that way if your parents ask, they’ll never know the artist you went to see was the queer one, that’s the bet advice i’ve gotten so far.

Oh also- as I scrolled to find my old ask, I did read some of the others asks you’ve answered. Forgive me if i’m wrong but this Purple Anon, did she tell her friend about your blog- and then her friend ALSO wrote you a separate anon ask 😭 Omg did you get the gossip? You’ve totally adopted all the marauders fans now. 

And is the Purple Anon girl dating her flower girl yet? Cause she clearly should be. Honestly, her parents sound so much like mine. I don’t really like mine though. 

But i’ve gotten sidetracked. My point was, thank you ❤️ I’d have gotten there eventually, but that’s a pretty long eventually to be honest. You were so nice answering me and it really helped me figure stuff out and get this far. 

You are now forever a part of my coming out story- and while typing that now still feels weird, i hope one day it will be a funny story that makes me smile, and it’ll feel normal, and right. 

Hi!!! <3

Wow, that HAS been a long month! Thats a huge thing you figured out, and I'm so proud of you for being brave enough to like...admit that to yourself.

Your friends (both the one you like and the other) sound amazing, and I'm glad you have a bit of a support system to help you figure this all out. I hope things work out with the friend you like! I sending positive vibes!

As for purple anon, as of last I knew, she and daisy went on a "not-date." and yes, I did get a LOT of information from her friend, A, who also wants daisy and purple to end up together. But we'll see! No updates in the last few days!

Keep me updated on your life too! Remember, it's okay to take time to figure out yourself!

I'm naming you realization anon :P

[specialinterestshows]

Lots of feelings in this latest section of my Rhea Ripley x lady!reader fic!

Warnings for this section: Jealousy, possessive/protective behavior

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Absolute Smokeshow (Part 19 of ?): Feeling Of (Be)longing

“Here we are!” you announce, parking in the small lot behind the resource center. The single-story building was by no means new, but the colorful mural on the side facing the lot was vibrant. The flag pole on the roof had the rainbow and trans pride flags flying, you note, smiling up at them as the two of you get out of the car. Rhea takes in the sight of the building, then looks over at you, holding out her hand. You take it happily and the both of you walk around to go in through the front door.

“Welcome!” a cheery voice called out a second after the opening door made a bell ring. The two of you walk in and the first thing you see is a tall woman with a crown of tight curls behind a desk. Aside from the computer at which she sat, the desktop was covered in flyers, pamphlets, and containers filled with free condoms and packets of lube.

“Have the two of you been here before?” she asked, smiling at you and Rhea.

“I have,” you explain, “but she hasn’t.”

“Gotcha,” the woman nods, “My name is Lucy. Would you like the tour?”

You turn to look at Rhea, waiting for her to respond.

“That would be great,” she said.

Lucy led the two of you down a hall, pointing to a few doors as you passed them and telling you what each room was for.

“This is our universal restroom, stocked with menstrual products, so no one has to ask for any! And over here is the room where we do the needle exchange; it’s stocked with sharps containers, new needles, and harm reduction kits. Let me know if you want a card for the exchange and I can print one out for you!”

The last door - wedged open at the end of the hall - led into the largest room. It was a sort of living room area; two couches and some stray chairs sat facing a bulky television, currently being used by two teens to play a video game as a couple others watched and chatted.

“And this is our hang-out space,” Lucy said, “We have a library of queer literature you can read while you’re here” - she pointed to the full shelves against one wall - “And we do LGBT+ movie screenings every week. We actually have quite a few regular events, as you can see” - she gestured to the large whiteboard calendar on one wall - “Support groups, game nights, potlucks - we stay busy!”

After taking in the details of the room while listening to Lucy, you turn to look at Rhea. She seems a bit awestruck.

“So, do you folks have any questions?” Lucy asked.

“Not at the moment,” Rhea answered.

“No worries!” Lucy replied, “Feel free to hang out for as long as we’re open, and let me know if you need anything.”

She walked back to the front desk as Rhea looked at the events listed on the calendar for this month.

“What do you think, Rhe?” you ask, studying her face. You couldn’t quite tell what she was feeling - or trying not to - as she takes a deep breath.

“There’s- I mean, it’s-” you’d never seen her at a loss for words like this before, “… all the people who come here, all the people who wrote those books… there are so many.” You were surprised to see her eyes starting to tear up a bit.

“And that woman, Lucy, talked to me like I was part of all this,” she continued, looking away, determined not to let any tears fall, “I’ve just never felt so…”

“Seen?” you offer after a moment. Rhea nods, inhaling sharply and clearing her throat before putting on her nonchalant demeanor again, almost seamlessly.

“Thanks taking me here, love,” she says, looking over at the array of people sitting around the TV, an amused and somewhat complex expression making its way into her face after a moment. Rhea shifts to the side slightly.

“Really?” she mutters under her breath, suddenly picking you up in a bridal carry before walking toward the hall, saying “let’s get out of here, gorgeous” in a far more audible voice before tossing a look over her shoulder.

“So, not that I don’t enjoy being in your arms,” you say to Rhea as she sets you down and the two of you exit the front door, your hand in hers, “but what was that?”

She looks angry, but you couldn’t figure out why.

“… Someone back there was checking you out,” she said, walking with you to the car.

Letting out a short, amused laugh, you squeeze her hand before letting go to open the doors, “Oh please, you were right next to me. They were probably checking you out.”

Slamming the car door shut with a bit too much force, Rhea sat and huffed.

“I moved and their eyes didn’t,” she insisted, “they were looking at you.”

Seeing Rhea so protective did something to you; making you feel wanted in a way you weren’t used to. Gently resting your hand on hers, you lock eyes when she looks up.

“I don’t care what anyone else is looking at,” you assure her, “because I only want to look at you.”

Expression softening, Rhea leans in, holding your face up to hers with one hand. This kiss somehow seemed different than the others you’d shared, as if there was an extra spark. You tried not to think about it too hard; it felt a lot like getting your hopes up.

[end part nineteen of ?]

Part 20: https://www.tumblr.com/specialinterestshows/725124145271209984/absolute-smokeshow-part-20-of-get-your-motor

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Tag List (thank you!)

@cherryberryshine , @littlemiss-fanficlover , @elisewithak