#if not 🤷🏻‍♀️ guess I’ll die

[brekwrites]

Listen I know we’re not very far on A Chance for Redemption currently and also it’s going to focus on Eclipse’s thoughts and feelings as he learns and grows but do not underestimate the power of my background New Moon/Solar plot. I’ve just been thinking so hard on it today and y’all aren’t even ready you’re not READY.

I am going to beat NM with the angst hammer and smile while I do it. And like it would be so lame and spoilery if I yapped about anything specific but oh my god oh MY GOD I can’t wait. I am pointing aggressively at him and shooting him with the beam of suffering and going COPE!!!

Idk I could probably be persuaded to yap a bit more but also I want to hoard all my secrets close to my chest yknow? Anyway. I’m not even working on C4R I’m doing the next chapter of Unconditional rn lmfao.

[hagravenholm]

Shopping for health insurance … what an awful phrase

[artromantic]

my head, knowing I have to see my neurologist today: I will start hurting immediately, surely that’s helpful

me: yeah thanks that’s perfect 🙄

[eunhos]

.

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Instagram AU

A/N : A little late but something is better than nothing lol enjoy 👻

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, yourusername, ezharlow,cassiewyatt, and 7,567,355 others

alizemiaharlow What up bullet?!

View all 1,300 comments

cassiewyatt YES YES YES 🔥 hot mama

ezharlow 🤦🏻 had to ruin her for me 💔

alizemiaharlow Not like you had a chance with her anyway.

yourusername 😍😍😍

yourusername side note, I love me some Paul Walker 💙

jackharlow Yeah we know but there wasn’t anything Paul Walker related here so idk why say that.

ezharlow Ohhhh look at Mr “I don’t get jealous.”

jackharlow Shut up.

yourusername 💀😭😭😭

•

Liked by cassiewyatt, cozane, meganfox, selenosunni, jackharlow, yourusername, and 6,876,345 others

alizemiaharlow “No, I’m eating boys. Boys are just placeholders, they come and go.” 🩸 🩸

View all 1,200 comments

meganfox 🔥 yesssssss you killed it

alizemiaharlow OMGG AHHH I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW.

user Queen of Halloween 🎃

urbanwyatt Hey, that throne belongs to my wife.

ezharlow WHY DO YOU KEEP RUINING IT FOR ME!!!!!!!

cassiewyatt Control your little boy hormones.

jackharlow I agree with you son

yourusername lmaoooooooo I hate you.

alizemiaharlow These boys are annoying mom!

yourusername Story of my life baby, just have to roll with the punches.

•

Liked by alizemiaharlow, yourusername, selenosunni, druski, claybornharlow, and 7,567,345 others

ezharlow I think I got a little too cocky this time.

View all 1,200 comments

alizemiaharlow WHO’S RUINING THINGS NOWWW????

alizemiaharlow LIKE WHYYYY RUIN HIM FOR ME 😭

druski How can you love a anime guy? It’s not possible

yourusername IT IS POSSIBLE AND EZEQUIEL YOU REALLY DID RUIN IT FOR USSS 😩

ezharlow 💀

ezharlow If you think I ruined him for you, just watch my next one 😈

alizemiaharlow Oh god nooooo.

yourusername IT BETTER NOT BE WHO IM THINKING BECAUSE I WILL DISOWN YOU.

jackharlow Who’s being dramatic now 😗

yourusername QUIET JACKMAN.

•

Liked by yourusername, ezharlow, urbanwyatt, cassiewyatt, alizemiaharlow, and 2,449,455 others

jackharlow Sebastian really taking the role of Spider-Man seriously. 📸 @ urbanwyatt

View all 1,200 comments

yourusername 🕷️ 🕸️ ❤️

urbanwyatt ✨ He really is a natural, easiest client ever.

jackharlow I take offense to that.

cassiewyatt So do I

alizemiaharlow X’3 🤨

urbanwyatt Let me just *runs and hides*

user I thought his name was Ace???

jackharlowsource It is. Sebastian is his middle name, they always use their middle names 🤷🏻‍♀️

claybornharlow my friendly neighborhood Spider-Man 😍

ezharlow Can we talk about the fact he saw a old picture of me dressed as Spider-Man and he said he wanted to be like me 🫡🫢

yourusername That tugged at my heartstrings when he said that 🥺 my baby boys ❤️

•

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, ezharlow, alizemiaharlow, and 7,866,345 others

yourusername While everyone is getting ready for our annual Halloween party, there’s Lizeth, who hates dressing up 😩

View all 2,200 comments

jackharlow It’s her world, we just live in it ✨

alizemiaharlow Wow, I remember you used to tell ME that.

yourusername 😅

jackharlow Let me rephrase that- It’s my girls world, we just live in it.

alizemiaharlow I guess I’ll take it.

yourbestiename She really does hate dressing up, who is sheeeee????

urbanwyatt She got that from @ cassiewyatt

cassiewyatt Wait a minute, I like dressing up, just not all month. I’m not like mom, tia and Mia.

•

Liked by yourusername, selenosunni, alizemiaharlow, ezharlow, and 6,876,345 others

jackharlow HARLOWEEN ❤️

View all 1,200 comments

yourusername My man 😍

jackharlow For life 🤞🏼

alizemiaharlow My parents really did that 🔥

ezharlow Not dad being in character all night 😭

cassiewyatt ❤️

alizemiaharlow Cass, when are you posting your Halloween pictures? 👀

cassiewyatt Eh should I???

alizemiaharlow Duhhhhh

mamamaggie You two 😍❤️

•

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[kirakirabluemoon]

Happy New Year and I hope everyone has a better year ahead! 🙆🏻‍♀️💖💖💖🌻🌻🌻🍀🍀🍀

I know this Author’s notes looks long, but please don’t panic. It’s just an update, I’m still working on Belladonna. 😊👍🏻💖🙆🏻‍♀️

This is an update to let y’all know how things been going with Belladonna’s Chapter 31. It is still unfortunately incomplete, but I promise I’m trying! 🌚🙏🏻 Still ironing out some details and Chinese New Year is coming, so spring cleaning and stuff is in order. So update is probably after February. 🌚🙏🏻 I’m very sorry. 🙃😔😭🙏🏻

These three paragraphs only regards my health in slightly more detail than the previous post, (why I haven’t been able to update) so you can just skip it if you’d like. 🙆🏻‍♀️💖 As I mentioned previously, my health has been fluctuating since June 2023, I haven’t been feeling very well so my writing took a hit (on top of writer’s block). 😩🫠 The symptoms thankfully wasn’t too serious, all things considered.🤞🏻My fatigue however was the most obvious, there was also low moods, insomnia (caused by heart palpitations) and etc. However, I’ve gotten my blood tested around November and I finally know what’s going on. So at least I now know how to reduce and regulate the symptoms, I’ve seen improvements and hopefully I’ll make a full recovery soon. 🙆🏻‍♀️💖🙏🏻

But then at the end of December, I was tested positive with covid. 🌚🌚🌚🫠🫠🫠 So my fatigue worsened. At this point it’s like a triple layered stack. First from my nightly dreams, second from the issue that started in June, then now from the covid. 🫠 I have tested negative after 6 days, but my doctor did warn me that some symptoms and inflammation will probably persist for about a month after turning negative and to not do strenuous exercises, (even something simple like brisk walk). I found out sometimes just eating a meal brings me shortness of breath and my heart rate would reach 106 or so and then I gotta lie down. Feels like my heart was copying that one meme on Facebook and saying, “If you don’t stop, I will.” 😮‍💨🌚🤣 The same goes for house chores, like changing the bedsheets. So yeah. But I’m still kicking—albeit weakly—AND my low moods had thank god not plagued me lately. 💖😮‍💨🙏🏻 Bless.

I’ll be trying to get a swing back into things while minding my energy, so my health doesn’t decide to give me a sucker punch to the gut. Or a left hook, I don’t know, it’s been years and it still likes to catch me by surprise. 🌚🤷🏻‍♀️🤞🏻 Despite the annoyances, I’m still very thankful it’s nothing too serious. At this point, I’ll just let it throw a fit wherever it wants, and then let it die down whenever, while trying to get on with my life and maintaining inner peace. 🙄😑🤦🏻‍♀️🤌🏻 I’m done trying to control it to go the way I want it to, cuz it backfired, badly. 🌚

Anyways, thank you all so much and I really really appreciate the immense patience, love and support my dear readers has shown for my stories. 💖🙆🏻‍♀️🍀 I know I haven’t been updating as much as I would have liked, nor anticipated, after I graduated from school five-years-turning-six-years ago, in fact I thought I’d be able to churn out more chapters, guess I sorely underestimated the full extent of the symptoms my health could throw at me. 🙃😔

I wish everyone good health—seriously please take good care of yourself, and may all the lovely and nice things in life, be it big or small, be enjoyed, celebrated, and appear whenever you need it. 🥰🙆🏻‍♀️🌈💖🌻🍀

The very best of luck for 2024 and the upcoming Year of the Dragon! God bless everyone! Cheers! 🎆🎇🎉🎊🐉🎊🎉🎆🎇

Until next time! 😘

Ps: My inbox told me I have a new message/submission but when I click on it, there’s nothing there. 🌚🌚🌚 If someone sent me an ask, I’m sorry but Tumblr won’t let me see it. 😭🙏🏻

[kaijuno]

Having weird chest pains but they took away my Medicaid again so I guess I’ll just die 🤷🏻‍♀️

[angelnumber27]

It’s so funny always having something terribly wrong with you but not being able to afford hospital stays. Guess I’ll die 🤷🏻‍♀️

[colorisbyshe]

get home after two hour drive, door closed but unlocked, no one else home, “guess i’ll die 🤷🏻‍♀️,” take shower like the first-one-dead-in-a-slasher girlie that i am

[anotherrunawaytrain]

Meanwhile, I can’t even get one day to rest. Guess I’ll just die 🤷🏻‍♀️

[zolusbian]

fibro ankle pain has me thinking about using a wheelchair (its both ankles and i dont struggle w balance. i also have both side wrist pain.) but like i barely leave the house anyway and it would be more useful for extended periods of walking but the city i live in is not accessible and if im going to an event they generally have wheelchairs available for renting anyway so. guess i’ll die 🤷🏻‍♀️

[txxalien93]

Yall wanna know something wild?

so when the dude that broke my heart left well guess what?! HE CAME BACK!!! But what I mean but that is he added me on Snapchat and Facebook and he apologized for him being stupid and stuff and whatever I wished he could have actually came back so I could see him in person again but it’s too late for that shit now because I have a boyfriend now… yes a boyfriend it was unexpected for sure because I totally didn’t even think he was hot or anything at all I just wanted juul pods and coffee I was a broke bitch and THEN I got drunk with him and got horny somehow and then I wanted to fuck lol! But OMG THAT D WAS FIRRREEEE!!!! 😂😂😂 no it literally was though so I was like “fine then” and now we’ve been together for like 9 months or something I don’t know 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️ also he’s pretty chill except when he gets insecurely jealous I hate that SOOO MUCHHH!!!! The dick is too good to be hooking up with anyone else ok bitch? Like shut up also you’re hot when I dress you up too so like why not? And also you treat me so good too so SHUUUT UUUPPPP!!!! If I wanted other people I would go be with them ���😒😒 so yeah that’s what’s going on lately but it still doesn’t change the fact that I wanna

✨die✨ but I’ll just take my time doing it 💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️

[runnning-outof-time]

I’m wayyy too late to reading this and I know that you’re deep in the Luca/Adrien world currently, but my goodness this was good, Claire!!!!

The animosity between them was beautifully written!! You did an amazing job at setting the scene and showing clearly why they’re in this position and how everyone feels about it.

Which, speaking of the why they’re in this position…CLAIRE. I LOVED THE SITUATION YOU CREATED HERE. I was wondering how you were going to rework things with John in regards to the Changrettas because well….we know what happens with John and let me just say that HAVING ESME BE IN FRONT OF THE BULLET MEANT FOR JOHN BROKE MY HEART!! 😩😩😩

I couldn’t help but feel bad for John if I’m being honest … he’s now had 2 wives die on him…and he’s been set up blindly in the name of peace twice — honestly screw Tommy for doing that to him, twice. I guess he’s just the best candidate for it 🤷🏻‍♀️

And Arthur dying as well??? Added trauma that I didn’t know was going to be thrown at me!! 😩😭 but is it bad that this version of the events is sooo much more interesting than the canon version 👀

But anyways I’m living for the angst that you’ve created here — they downright hate each other (and ritefully so) but its apparent that they find each other attractive, so I’m curious to see how its all gonna flip!!

Also it was interesting to see Luca of all people approach John — his words were wise….I wonder if John will follow through with them?? And this line:“Oh, and John? She’s got a thing for hurling plates. Learn to duck.” made me giggle!! She most certainly has a thing for throwing those plates (and objects in general) since it was mentioned throughout the chapter……it makes me wonder if there’ll be any projectiles in John’s near future….👀👀

Goodness I’ve just rambled on … if you couldn’t tell, I’m already invested in this story and I’ll be reading the next part as soon as I can! — and I know you’re on the Brody train, but I hope you’ll continue this also!!

Thanks for sharing this, Claire!! I’m always in awe of what your beautiful brain creates!! 🧡

La Dolce Vita - John Shelby/Cosima Changretta (OFC).

So, I decided to begin this new little series of mine, besties. It shan't be delivered in regular chapter form, but a series of one-shot parts that will tell the story of John and Cosima's marriage, beginning from their wedding day. I hope you enjoy it :)

Words - 3,682

Warnings - Each part will be adult only content, from swearing to eventual smut and violence. Minors DNI.

Part I - Inferno

The blood of a thousand men could stain a thousand streets, cold, hard warfare spinning out of control in a haze of spatter and gunpowder, yet sometimes all it took was the presence of a woman to end it all. 

And it had.  

It didn’t mean the woman in question had to like it, though. 

“No.” The word fell from his lips with mild irritation as he took in the sight before him. “You will not wear black.” 

Cosima didn’t even attempt to hide her distain. “Why not? This is a death, after all.” 

Luca couldn’t help but feel entertained by her words, even though she was rapidly whittling him down to his very last nerve. “You are so dramatic, la mia sorellina.” She always had been. “It’s about time you were somebody’s wife, and you will make a good wife, too. Every man betrothed to an Italian woman should recognise how damned lucky he is.”  

“And me?” Her cadence rose sharply, her voice bordering on shrill. “What about me, Luca?” 

9:23am and already, he wished he’d had the sense to bring some aspirin with him. “You will do as you are told, Sima. And wear white while you do it.”  

The silky drawl of her brother never rose beyond the smooth hush he spoke with, but his words packed the same punch as they would have had he yelled them. He was also the only person alive who she allowed to shorten her name. People had called her Cos in school, swiftly ending up with a slapped face for it. Her Italian fire had been lit pretty much since the day she’d been born. “I wish I’d brought mama with me now.” 

His lip curled, a soft rumble of a laugh echoing his throat, sucking on the matchstick he pulled from between his lips as he pointed it at her. “We both know why you didn’t.” 

“Yes,” she chirped, admiring her reflection in the mirror, “you’re paying.”  

Again, she prompted his smile. Few did, really, save Anna Maria, his wife, as well as his sons, Joey and Guiseppe. “I am, cara mia. Listen, if you want the black dress, I’ll buy it for you. You won’t be married in it, though. Imagine if mama was here, eh? She’d be, ah, much more vocal than I about it.” 

This was true. Audrey would have taken over rather than sitting quietly like Luca. “I’m beginning to think she’d fuss much less than you.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Try on the next dress, for the love of god.”  

Huffing and cussing in their native tongue, Cosima flounced back behind the privacy screen, getting herself out of the dress, the nearby assistant helping her into the white lace gown. Her face was a picture of utter contempt upon emerging, raising her middle finger when Luca quietly applauded her appearance. 

“Perfect.” 

“I fucking hate it,” she sneered, the assistant’s eyes bulging a little at her coarse language. 

“Cosima, you would hate even the most exquisite of gowns, crafted by the finest of designers,” he pointed out, standing and walking to her slowly. He reached beneath her chin, raising it up, placing a little kiss upon her forehead. “You look beautiful. La belladonna. It is done.”  

His word was final, and she knew this well. It did not mean she had to be quiet or graceful in her compliance, though. Being wed to a Shelby, after all they had done, the war that had seen the deaths of both her treasured brother and beloved papa, was not a fate she relished in.  

Negotiations in order to cease the bloodshed and forge ahead in a new bond, running Shelby gin into New York with the assistance of her family and their connections had been sealed by a proposed joining of their families through marriage. Her marriage, to John Shelby.  

How she had screamed and complained when Luca had informed her of this truce sealing union. Glasses and ornaments had been smashed in tempestuous fury, Cosima’s ire reaching the kind of decibels that had taken Luca and Audrey much effort and nips of gin to quieten, the youngest of the Changretta clan storming from her mother’s home, walking the streets, chain smoking in blind fury.  

The only silver lining? At least Luca had not decreed that she marry the man who had killed her father, not that she actually could. For his sins, Arthur Shelby breathed no longer. Neither did Grace Shelby, nor Esme Shelby, the late wife of the man soon to be her husband, the gypsy beauty getting in the way of a hit meant for John on Christmas Day and lamentably not surviving it.  

And Cosima thought her hand dealt was bad. For John, it was decidedly bleaker by far.  

His brother was gone, his wife was gone, his sister-in-law was gone, and his fate was now bound to a person belonging to a family whom he couldn’t stand with any ounce of tolerance. Tolerance was what he had to show, though, in order to keep relations smoothed over, before anybody else ended up dead.  

“It’s a fresh start for us all, John boy,” Tommy began, standing in front of his brother, straightening his tie. “I don’t expect you to be happy about it, but...” 

“Good, ‘cos I ain’t,” he cut in with, his jaw tightening, refusing to meet his brother’s eye. “Esme is barely fucking cold, and you’ve got me marrying some wop bitch. Trust me, Tom. I ain’t fucking happy in the slightest.”   

The elder Shelby truly had no comeback for that. He knew his actions were a slap in the face to John, to Arthur, to Esme and to the love of his life, but there was no other way around it. He didn’t plan on losing anybody else to a war that could be negotiated through. It had been tough to bargain, but peace had been restored finally, Tommy reasoning that scores had been settled upon both sides of the divide.  

They were more than even. In fact, they truly weren’t, two lives on the Changretta side, three on the Shelby, two innocent women coming into the crossfire and dying because of it. He was not prepared to lose more. If he could also turn a very tidy profit while not losing more, then so be it.  

Finally, he managed to catch the icy stare of his brother, Tommy squeezing his shoulders. “Give it time. At least you’re getting wed to an attractive woman. Could have matched you to a right scrag, but I didn’t.” 

She could have been the queen of fucking Sheba for all John cared. Her beauty or lack thereof was neither here nor there. She wasn’t Esme, and that was all there was to it. “Gotta habit of this, you have, marrying me off to some bird I ain’t ever clapped eyes on until I get to the altar, all for the sake of keeping the peace.”  

There hadn’t been an actual altar at his wedding to Esme, but this time there was no room for negotiation. The priest local to the district Cosima Changretta lived in had been given a hefty bung to marry them, regardless of the fact that John was a non-practising Catholic. Usually, Father David would have required he at least attend weekly mass for a few months prior to the wedding, but this wasn’t possible when the union had been set up to take place within the space of a week from its original incarnation. 

Through his disesteem, John wasn’t blind to see the benefits of joining the families in order to broker peace, though. He just wished there was some other way, one that didn’t involve him forsaking his late wife’s memory, or literally getting into bed with a member of the very family who had taken three members of his. 

With a red rose buttonhole pinned to his charcoal suit – those specific flowers at Cosima’s request – they headed out to the waiting car, ready to be ferried across Birmingham to the district of Bournville, to St Francis of Assisi. 

“Holy shit, the waft of that bloody chocolate," Polly spoke from the back of the car, the famous Cadbury factory emitting the heady scent of it’s delicious confectionary. “Making my mouth water, it is.” 

“Well, as long as the air smells like Dairy fucking Milk, all’s right as rain, ain’t it, Pol?” John muttered, watching the little black and white houses dotted along the main road pass them by. It was such a different landscape than the one he was used to, the village of Bournville so very picturesque and quaint.  

Polly tutted. “Oi, less of your fucking lip, our John. Don’t make today any harder than it has to be by being a surly shit about it.”  

“Yeah, but...”  

She cut his protests dead with her usual blunt retort. “We know, for the love of god! You’ve vented your spleen so hard at this, I’m surprised you have one left! This isn’t ideal, but it’ll bring us peace and let me rest my fucking head easy at night, not worrying when the next of my fucking nephew’s is going to end up riddled with bullet holes. Now, put your fucking face straight. We’re nearly there.”  

He could have begun his protests once more, vented at how it wasn’t right that he was being thrown into wedlock again just four months after his second wife had died, how at thirty years old, he shouldn’t have already had to attend the funerals of two Mrs. Shelby’s, but he knew it would serve him little good.  

Arriving at the church, they made their way inside, John surprised to be greeted kindly by Audrey Changretta, who was standing talking to the verger.  

“A lot of water has gone under the bridge, John. All I want going forward is for you to be a good man to my Cosima. Can you do that for me, love?” 

His heartstrings were yanked upon hard, knowing how much his actions had devastated her. She looked weary from it all, the sparkle in her eyes non-existent. He’d never wanted her to be hurt in all of this, the teacher he held so many fond memories of, the woman he had steadfastly refused to murder in cold blood. “I can. I promise I will.”  

She patted his cheek, smiling thinly. That smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and for that he couldn’t blame her. “Thank you.” She exchanged nods with Polly and Tommy, the Shelby’s moving into the church, smiling to their family and friends as they passed the pews, the Changretta presence outnumbering them by about two to one.  

He and Tommy stood to the side of the altar, Polly taking a seat at the first pew between Finn and Ada, the latter giving the groom-to-be a bolstering smile. It had little of its desired effect, John feeling a cold swirl of discomfort growing chillier by the moment. “Forgive me, Esme. I fucking wish this weren’t happening just as much as I wish you were still here, love.”  

His deeply lamenting thoughts were banished by the sound of the organ keys pressed upon, the church filling with music as the congregation stood, Father David quickly shaking both his and Tommy’s hands before his focus shifted towards the doors, beaming as he watched Cosima escorted in by her brother. The bride looked exquisite in her white lace gown, her cascading veil shrouding her face, the dress very quintessentially Italian in fashion. 

John didn’t dare turn around and watch her walk to him, only aware of her arrival at his side from the strong plume of Chanel perfume entering his nose, finally turning to see Luca gently lift her veil, kissing her cheek and whispering a few words in Italian to her. He then moved to John, surprising him by offering his hand.  

“To famiglia, eh?” 

“Yeah,” he coughed, shaking it. The Italian’s grip was like Iron, his face unflinching. There was no true warmth there. “To family.”  

Luca moved to sit at his mother’s side, John finally letting his eyes fall to his left, taking her in for the first time. His throat tightened in an instant. He’d thought Esme to be the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, the guilt of the fact that Cosima Changretta was the biggest knockout he’d ever witnessed hitting him hard.  

As for his soon to be wife, when her piercing blue eyes found his, the sensation of her heart skipping on three consecutive beats made her feel a little nauseous for a moment.  

He was gorgeous.  

Why did he have to be gorgeous? It would have made hating him so much easier if he’d been ugly.  

“At least I will have something nice to look at, while I’m throwing plates at his head.” She thought, turning to the priest and smiling as best she could, given the circumstances.  

The ceremony was a long, tedious affair, the bride wishing for a traditional mass that bored the balls off John. He did well to hide it, though. What he failed miserably at was looking in any way, shape or form happy when they were pronounced man and wife, offering her a chaste kiss to the cheek, a speedy peck of non-affection. Cosima was relieved he hadn’t leaned to her mouth. She wasn’t ready for that yet.  

Taking his arm, she walked back down the aisle as the newest member of the Shelby family, her eyes sad as she looked at her mother and brother. They smiled at her with loving pride, Cosima dropping her chin, lest they see the tears in her eyes as she walked alongside her new husband, a man she couldn’t stand. True, she knew nothing of John Shelby, other than what he’d had a hand in taking from her.  

With every step, she had to physically prevent herself from gathering the bridal lace swathing her slender curves and running, back to Acacia Road, back to the family home. This was where she desired to be, out in the flower filled back garden tending to her roses, taking cuttings of herbs ready to be brought into the kitchen and tutored by her darling mother in everything from Carbonara to baked Ziti. 

She longed for the scents of her mother’s pasta, to hear her father’s key in the door, his whistled tunes filling the homestead as she’d wipe her hands upon her apron and run to greet him. Her papa, the man she loved and respected the very most. Gone.  

“You erm, you look beautiful, Cosima.”  

His face did not match his compliment, Cosima looking up at her new husband, her face stony. “I know. Shame my dream wedding didn’t come with the dream groom, though.”  

John sniffed, his eyebrow tilting a fraction. “Ahh, you might still get it yet. We can get divorced and give it another go with other people. Who knows? I could nail it lucky the fourth time around.” 

Her eyes widened. “You’ve been married twice before?”  

“Ar.” 

“And what the blinking hell happened to them?” she demanded, wondering just what her brother had gotten her into, marrying her off to a man who was on his third wife. 

“They died, if you must know,” he frowned, reaching the end of the aisle, the door opening, a cascade of confetti hurled at them from the throng of guests exiting behind them. 

“Lucky them.” Her mutter was drowned out by the sound of happy cheers, or at least she thought it had been. Her new husband had heard it, though, wanting nothing more than to slap her in her rude mouth for her coldly delivered statement. 

“Great, got myself hitched to a stunner and she’s a right nasty little mare.” he spoke, certainly loud enough for her to hear, releasing the hold upon her arm and moving to receive congratulations from his family. Cosima narrowed her eyes at him in his wake, turning to smile brightly at her friends, her hands taken in theirs, cheeks kissed, her heart thrumming with waves of sadness. A right nasty little mare. That’s what he thought of her, Cosima’s indignance burning brightly for a while, not able to reflect upon the fact that what she’d said had indeed been very spiteful.  

At twenty-three, she truly should have known better. With two dead wives behind him and a bitterness that still lingered beneath the surface between the two families, she guessed he was likely as thrilled to be married to her as she was to him. An apology perhaps wouldn’t go amiss.  

Once they’d posed for a few photographs, the bride and groom were shown to the waiting Rolls Royce Silver Cloud, John holding the door open for her, following her in and staring stonily out of the window as they pulled away from the church.  

She felt awkward and ashamed of her words, moving her thumb back and forth over one of the large thorns the florist had neglected to remove from the bouquet of red roses. “John, I apologise for what I said, about your late wives being lucky. I only meant that... I don’t know what I meant, actually.” 

She was met by a cold, two worded statement. “Fuck off.”  

Deserved, to be fair. Predictably, Cosima let it spark at her kindling rather than rushing for water, though. “That’s impossible, now I’m your wife. Don’t bloody pout at me. I said something regrettable, but because of your family I don’t have Angel or my father any longer. You yourself are directly responsible for the former. If you hadn’t beaten him within an inch of his life, he wouldn’t have lay vulnerable in hospital, ripe for the plucking. And let’s not forget that scumbag of a brother of yours, who killed my papa.” 

He tutted, chewing his toothpick with hostility. “Don’t act like you’re the only one who lost somebody you loved. Fucking gone right over your head, ain’t it? Because of your family, I lost me wife, brother and sister-in-law. We’re in the same boat, Cosima.” 

“You started all of this. You could have just let Lizzie be happy with Angel, but no! You had to burn his restaurant to the fucking ground. What is it you dumb Shelby fucks say, hmm? By order of the Peaky Blinders, that’s it! Your way or the highway!” 

Bile began licking at his insides. “Your brother weren’t good enough for Lizzie. She’s a good woman, and he was a fucking duplicitous shit. Didn’t even have the balls to use his real name for half his dealings. At least we stand by who we fucking are.” 

Her rage escalated by the second, staring at him incredulously. “My brother had the sense to be clandestine, and you will not speak of him like you knew him! So, he partnered with your enemies, so fucking what? The way you Shelby’s conduct yourself, you make enemies left and fucking right! You took my family away from me for nothing. Nothing!” 

John eyed her viciously, his eyes losing any trace of warmth. “They fucking deserved it, and you, you spoiled little wop bitch? You deserve nothing less than every fucking ounce of my contempt. We’re married in name only, believe me. Ain’t no way I’m gonna be a good husband to you, no matter what I promised your mom.” 

“Fine by me!”  

The air virtually crackled with their mutual distain, Cosima shuffling as far as she could get away from him, muttering cusses in Italian. 

“I know what testa di cazzo means,” he spat. 

“Good!” she fumed, “I want you to know I think you’re a dickhead!” 

The reception was being held at a small hotel local to the church, Cosima storming out of the car and not looking back, fixing a huge, fake smile to her face as she was welcomed by the staff. Immediately, her eyes locked onto a waiter carrying a tray of champagne filled flutes, taking one and knocking it back. A second was reached for, John arriving at her side.  

“Whiskey please, mate. Fucking large one.” 

The waiter nodded. “At once, sir.”  

They stood together to welcome their guests, both repelled by one another’s presence, going through the motions of everything. Cake cutting, first dance, spending as much time as they could away from one another. It was while John was seeking the solace of quiet and fresh night air much later that evening, standing on the rear patio of the hotel smoking a cigar, that he found himself joined by the last person he expected. 

“Can I give you some advice, John?” 

Turning to Luca, he raised an eyebrow, the tall Italian continuing. “If you want a quiet life with my sister, you need to keep her in the lifestyle she’s become accustomed to. I love that girl to her bones, but she’s a fucking spoiled princess.” 

His eyes widened. “You can say that again.” 

Luca’s mouth twitched, removing the toothpick he’d been idly chewing on. “My father bent to her every whim, being his only daughter. She was daddy’s little girl. Roses, diamonds, furs, French perfume, she loves all of that. You treat her good and she’ll be sweet with you. And make sure she has a garden. That kid lives for horticulture.” 

Luckily, he was wealthy enough to provide such luxuries for his new bride, not that he wanted to. Not that she deserved even one of them. “Noted.”  

He nodded, turning to leave his new brother-in-law to it, pausing suddenly as he pointed the toothpick in his grasp at him. “Oh, and John? She’s got a thing for hurling plates. Learn to duck.” Laughing to himself, he carried on back into the hotel, while John felt a prickle of annoyance at his statement, or rather how much pleasure he’d derived from delivering the news that Cosima was nothing short of a bad-tempered handful.  

Standing out there alone, he did hope that one day he might see her as something different. Whether that day would come swiftly or not was anybody’s guess, though. 

[gamerwoo]

I said this in the snaps but I forgot to look for plot holes I was just like "yay story time" and then remembered at the end when you mentioned it fjjfjdjdjd

honestly i don’t mind. i feel like not many people will even point out the little plot points i’ll probably forget to explain bc i’m just way more critical of my work lmao

but i think what i have planned works??? and if it doesn’t theeeeeen guess i’ll die 🤷🏻‍♀️

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

31 December 2022 Saturday 12:35 am pdt

why’s it blurry again? Chipped away at left hip bone again 😭😖😫😤🥵😡🤬😤 also why are there weird creatures like half horse 🐴 half human in mythology? We’re (2:12 am pdt don’t remember putting that ‘ apostrophe: were) they real like a liger? Tiger 🐯 🐅 + 🦁 lion ? @_@ how would that happen??? Are men ... gross 🤢???? I cannot imagine woman 👩🏻 Surviving pregnancy 🤰 and labor to a half horse 🐎 creature. Men ... are there any good men???? 1:33 am pdt also Adam Noah Levine had no problems going to Vegas after cheating stuff comes out. Why??? I found something randomly only ONCE that the reason why they say whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, was it prostitution??? I have to look 👀 around again to double check. I hope he’s not raping his sister. 🤬🥵😖😤😫😭 1:37 am pdt

1:46 am pdt. I forgot what I was going to write ✍️ type. Only 1 follower now. Grossy portraits?? Am I being gas ⛽️ 🔥 lit ??? 33 total on/off. When he typed fuckkkkkkk... I’m not counting how many k’s. I think 💭 of keys 🔑, too. Keys 🔐 are a little phalic but also not associated with pleasure. There might be a song 🎵 with lyrics I heard 👂 someone bring up 🆙 in high school 🏫 maybe like a 🪚 saw between the thighs???? I have to see if it exists. You have to imagine the situation that he would say it. Maybe 🤔 it sounds silly 😝 to those who are not experienced, but if you are experienced you will know what I’m talking about. Him expressing himself that way is because he got his hand 🤚 on his 🍆, & his imagination in the gutter. 🎳🥣⚠️🚧🛑⛔️🚳🅿️🤺🏌️‍♂️🪝⚓️🎠🔪⚰️🪦 1:58 am pdt harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ lyrics trying to recall: [...]unnecessarily critical [...] I have the tendency of getting physical if I do you will need a miracle not fit to tread the ground I am walking 🚶‍♂️ on you know very well I want you gone writhing in a naked sweat hoping someone will do you like I did...????? 2:03 am pdt hey 👋 incubus if you want me to remember you making love 💕 to me then don’t mess with my memories to make me not remember you! Ass. Donkey. No donkey emoji 2:06 am pdt don quixote (spelling? 🔑 key hoe tay... e=a=eh! Español -> ta ta 4 now! Tigger 🐯 tiger 🐅 by his stripes we are healed??? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️) 2:10 am pdt

2:27 am pdt 🇺🇸 USA stripes, bloody 🩸 a meri ca/ka ? Ne ne, neigh 🐴 look 👀 at Lucia’s eyes 👀 taken out. Opposite meanings (sounds like eyes 👀) ayes vs ... ney? Nays?? Win vs lose/lost. Misleading. Win like wind 🌬 window 🪟 ventana winter ❄️... sumickey ?? Saw a video with snow ❄️ white translations guessing what means snow ❄️ kinda hot 🥵 don’t feel like looking up 🆙 stuff. Nieve? 2:36 am pdt once in 2017? I walked from morning until after dark all day trying to get to a freeway 🛣 ramp near 🍎 🐝 thinking if this is real maybe 🤔 he will meet me there. But he was on the voice at the time so it was stupid of me to try the day I did. I walked MANY miles to see him. Whatever. If incubus doesn’t appreciate me, I DON’T WANT HIM! 2:40 am pdt if I could fall into the sky 🌌 do you think time would pass me by? ... you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could see you 🎶🎼🎵 falling angels 2:42 am pdt I walked all the way to Santana Row from home 🏠. 2:44 am pdt 2:46 am pdt neve Campbell? Party of 5? I did not watch the show yet I saw 👀 commercials for it. Pain! Hot 🥵 bone 🦴 btwn breasts. Tearing up 🆙 my heart ♥️ when I’m with you. When we are apart I feel it, too. No matter what I do I feel the pain with or without you 🎼🎶🎵 2:50 am pdt 3:01 am pdt he hurt my heart ♥️ again 😖😫😩😤😭🥵😤😵 I was going to type something but I 4got. Ava ill able, ill I’ll I will ability. I formerly? Did 2+ mile events during track meets and cross country meets. For practice I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how much I ran; coach once said we did 5 or 10 miles in one day. 3:06 am pdt dieing 🥵😤😭🔥🔥🔥🔥feels like he roasted my right lung 🫁 3:08 duck tionaries dick dicks use whatever words they want with con fidence. Even when they are unethical donkeys. 3:11 am pdt they drag it out so they can edit to their convenience. DONT trust anyone who uses desolation tactics. 3:12 am pdt

3:15 am pdt there are times I think I would prefer someone who does not have Adam Noah Levine’s genes 🧬. He looks as though he has a demonic personality , too. 3:17 am pdt

3:46 am pdt I remembered earlier this year I stumbled upon “ala” means rib in Aramaic and Hebrew? Allah (alilah?) means “ the god”. “My god” look 👀 @ first picture. 3:49 am pdt. Centripetal force. Tripping trippy. 3:50 am pdt 3:51 am pdt if a married man is talking to someone who is showing everything online, obviously 🙄 they aren’t looking for only friends. They’re looking for easy s*x. 3:53 am pdt you almost fooled me! 3:53 am pdt incubus =rapist, womanizer, slimeball, cheater, murderer, I forgot one ... what was it 3:54 am pdt.

3:56 am pdt sloppy seconds x100000000000000000000000000, liar 🤥, any woman 👩🏻 who is starting 2 realize PAIN = death ☠️, and MAN 👨 = PAIN will run 🏃🏻‍♀️! 3:57 am pdt

4:07 am pdt it was so hot 🥵 I’m starting to wonder 💭 if he already completely burned up my right lung 🫁 4:08 am pdt nauseous 🤢 4:09 am pdt I should be very much anxious but I’ve been in pain and torn/tortured for so long that I’m tired . I wish I could die in my sleep 🛌. 4:13 am pdt

tumblr is being strange when I hit return 8:03 pm pdt

I f we all come from animals, inter species ? Breeding... then I guess I am being unnecessarily critical? Horses 🐎 are big though, so I think 🤔 that at the beginning it could survive only one way: make (8:12 pm pdt male) humans to female horse 🐎. Is that why they didn’t find a woman 👩🏻 for the other son in the Noah’s ark movie 🎥???? Bcz I thought there are people who say all the other humans didn’t survive the flood??? What’s true??? Other humans survive maybe in mountains 🏔 ???? What’s made up 🆙? What’s real???? In biology class textbooks 📚? Do they show the fetus starts out looking the same for many species???? @_@ 8:10 pm pdt

8:16 pm pdt today felt like a big claw stabbed and pushed in deep into right shoulder blade for a long time maybe a minute. If we really had interspecies breeding, god isn’t afraid to show how cruel he can be. 😞🥵😤😖😫😭 he shortened every part of me including my spine. And I think he might have switched out all my measuring instruments. The inch I feel like it got shorter. I measured myself this week and I think I lost 2.5 inches but bcz the measuring tape inches are smaller looking than I remember I probably lost a lot more than that. 😞😖😫😩😭🥵😤 8:24 pm pdt

Friendster

I was on this a long time ago. If you know about it, you don’t have to say anything. It was like any other social media websites like MySpace and Facebook. When I was on it I don’t remember it having any games , but it liked to show to how many degrees apart you are from someone you know or don’t know through other people. The guy I talked to online on aol (America online... you’ve got mail! Also a movie 🎥 based on good old summer time? Meet me in ol’ Saint Louis Louis meet me at the fair) PAIN left shoulder sharp hot 🥵 tired eyes 👀 closing. Meg Ryan. Tom hanks??? Amnesia. 8:33 pm pdt I found him. The Long Island 🏝 (long =dragon Chinese? Drag on. ) New York. 516 area code. He told me he worked somewhere back in (heart pain and hot 🥵) (8:49 pm pdt 2001) but I think 🤔 I should hold off on saying it here. Or maybe I should say it? It’s been a long time anyways. He changed a lot of stuff. I suspect the business name and owners changed. The owners supposedly called ☎️ us, my mom received a voicemail around Valentine’s Day. Bcz he used a cell phone 📱 to talk to me that they paid for, strange but that’s what seemed happened. They said he used it to call many girls. Why they would pay 💰 for his cell phone 📱 service? Maybe he had the gift of gab/a silver tongue 👅 and was good at making a sale? Guessing. I’ve always lived in California. My sister moved there in 2006 after visiting art schools not long before that with her now ex-boyfriend who was trying to make it there as an artist 👩🏽‍🎨 and he was highly paid (8:50 pm pdt guessing Bcz he lived in San Francisco) by Cisco. I think they met when she turned 18. (Pain ! Right heel weird sensations and pain. Left shoulder again. I formerly had broader shoulders. He’s cut it down a lot.) I’ve noticed some old men don’t get shorter but a wife got small and chubby even though her husband remained tall. Sexism??? 8:47 pm pdt. (8:51 pm pdt left under thigh hip bone 🦴 pain felt like he’s breaking the bones 🦴) wentworth gallery. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I was gas ⛽️ lit 🔥- if any weird reason he hired someone to call ☎️ us and say those things I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ 8:53 pm pdt. Trying to get answers but some people don’t answer me for some reason- desolation???? 😞😖😫🥵😤 I also lost my phone book I wrote the cell number in when I ran away. All I can remember is 516. Maybe there were 8s in it???? 8:56 pm pdt

for how long did you want to be a doctor? Did you say things they don’t want other people to know and guilted you about it?? Why would they call you a yenta??? And then have to apologize for it? 8:58 pm pdt you don’t have to say anything. 8:59 pm pdt

12:32 am pdt 1 Jan u ary 2023 Sunday 🌞

was it embryos? Not fetuses ? Pain left side ribs 😖😫😤🥵😤😭 don’t feel like looking it up. I’m not accostumed ?? To thinking about this stuff. Shocking. Bizarre to me. 6th and 7th grade years I didn’t apply much deep thought about it I guess. And the norm is to see marriage between humans. 12:36 am pdt

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Them: You should just ask, the worse they can say is “no”!

Me w/ RSD: