#if i was the red bull admin or on their pr team i would have a field day

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Imagine having the fastest car on the grid, but Max Verstappen lives so rent free in your head that you try to copy him instead of doing literally anything original... Mclaren, you'll never be him, no matter how many times you claim the orange army as your own!

[leclerc-s]

track 002. la del insta

─── ❝ todo comienza y se termina ❞ ───

masterlist // previous // next

NOVEMBER 2022

liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, isabellaperez and others

redbullracing i have been told that my previous caption was not appropriate, so here's a boring pr one scripted by salty spice himself, daniel ricciardo returns to red bull as our reserve driver. it's wonderful to have you back daniel.

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📍isabellaperez alternate caption was the honey badger is back mother fuckers!! read it and weep!!

user43 i love red bull's admin and their chaos. wonder where christian horner found them.

↳ redbullracing he found me on the streets of monaco and picked me up by the scruff of my neck and told me he had a job for me. who was i to deny salty spice?

↳ danielricciardo you would love her less if you had to see her everday.

↳ maxverstappen1 at least you got a break for a while, i've been suffering for four years

↳ estebanocon you two have it easy, i've been suffering since 2016.

↳ schecoperez i've been told to say that i've been suffering for 19 years.

↳ isabellaperez fuck you guys (except tio checo. i love you)

↳ alexalbon don't worry isa, you're my favorite red bull admin

↳ isabellaperez thank you lily's boyfriend! you're my favorite williams driver!

user07 red bull admin is checo's niece?? plot twist. honestly though, i love her.

christianhorner this is not the caption we talked about isabella.

↳ redbullracing i would say sorry but we both know it's going to happen again. it's been happening for over 4 years.

user92 she's been apart of the team longer than checo? it's kind of iconic. but why red bull and not aston martin when checo was racing with them at the time?

↳ isabellaperez aston martin didn't have a position open and red bull did. it also allowed me to travel with my uncle which i've been doing since 2011, i was only going to stop because the fia demanded it due to covid.

user59 so do you live in monaco or mexico with checo?

↳ isabellaperez used to live in LA but the influencer life was not for me (check out my youtube channel) then i was convinced by my sister and arthur to move to monaco. i travel to mexico all the time, i have to see my mami of course!

BAHRAIN 2023

the youngest mclaren driver stood off to the side, nervous for his first ever formula one grand prix. his teammate seemed less nervous, but still nervous to a certain degree. oscar truly didn't want to fuck this up, not after everything that happened in the last 6 months for him. he noticed a brunette girl staring at him from across the pitlane, she gave him a small wave before turning to go back inside the redbull garage.

the younger brunette turned to look at the slightly older one, "who was that?"

the older one turned to look at him, “you don’t stand a chance. she's checo's niece, very overprotective that man is. not excluding you know, max and daniel. take it from me, i've tried.” 

“i asked who she was not if you tried to get her number.” 

“oh, i have her number, but i have a girlfriend, you pastry. matter of fact," lando said, "you have her number too."

“it’s piastri! you know this!” oscar shouted as lando skipped, literally skipped, away from him. oscar rolled his eyes at the older drivers actions before turning to go back inside the mclaren garage.

the brunette girl stood outside the redbull garage again, with daniel ricciardo at her side. she turned to look at the empty spot oscar had once been in, then back at daniel, “can't believe i still think he's cute. he's the enemy.” 

daniel laughed, "he's not the enemy isa. you're allowed to have a crush on someone." 

isabella rolled her eyes, running a hand through her hair, “i hope him the best at shit-claren.” 

“isa!” 

the girl laughed, “it’s true!” 

redbullracing posted a new story

alexa, play the boys are back from hsm2!!! welcome home honey badger!! we've missed you!! (salty spice told me no more cursing on official red bull posts)

liked by austinriley, maejones, redbullracing and others

isabellaperez we're back people!! bahrain 2023, praying for a better result than last year. please f1 gods, don’t give us a double dnf. (but at least ferrari had a 1-2!)

tagged: redbullracing

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danieljricciardo i know you aren’t liking your posts from the official redbull racing account

↳ isabellaperez what good is it running the red bull account if i can’t like my own posts?

user82 paddock princess is back people!!

↳ isabellaperez am i royalty like charles? people’s prince and poddack princess?

↳ charles_leclerc you wish you were as cool as me

↳ isabellaperez at least i don’t wear questionable pants.

↳ georgerussell63 she got you there buddy

user75 isabella running the red bull racing account but still being a tifosi will always be hilarious to me

↳ isabellaperez corporate espionage at it's finest (i'm kidding christian, please don't fire me)

logansargeant is it considered treason if i follow you?

↳ isabellaperez idk let’s ask alex_albon, is it treason?

↳ alex_albon he’s in the groupchat? how is this treason?

↳ logansargeant good to know

logansargeant and oscarpiastri started following you

redbullracing posted a new story!

1-2 in bahrain! what a way to begin the season! congrats maxverstappen1 and schecoperez (i’ve been told by helmut that i need to be more ‘professional’ whatever that means)

duckling to get over my crush on oscar i’ve decided to ask arthur for ollie’s number.

super max oh for fucks sake, don’t do that

duckling maybe i should text austin then.

honey badger DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!

honey badger i will fucking confiscate your phone isabella estrella perez

duckling i don’t have a middle name. my sister does, it’s maria. honey badger i could not give less of a fuck. don’t you dare do such a thing.

super max I WILL CALL SEBASTIAN ISABELLA PEREZ!!

duckling don't threaten me with sebastian, max! that will do nothing!

super max added one person

honey badger had changed the group name to 'redbull's four musketeers'

paddock dad do i want to know?

super max ISABELLA WANTS TO TALK TO AUSTIN! TELL HER IT'S A BAD IDEA! duckling fuck you, you stupid maxi-pad

paddock dad isa, why would you do that?

honey badger SHE HAS A CRUSH ON OSCAR AND IS AFRAID OF LOVE! duckling i am not afraid of love. i’m afraid of falling in love, two very different things daniel super max yet another thing austin ruined for you. love along with getting a pet. paddock dad how the hell did he ruin getting a pet for her? honey badger honestly don’t remember but i think it was something along the lines of how his cousin had one and it got killed by a car. duckling i still want a dog he didn’t completely ruin that. paddock dad never let a man ruin anything for you or so my wife says

super max you might want to mute this chat seb, it was created to help isabella over any and all problems, small or big.

duckling okay fuck you verstappen

super max no thanks. i have a girlfriend. honey badger we're aware. we've heard nonsense super max do you really want to go there ricciardo? your wife wrote a song about only buying a dress so you could take it off honey badger DO YOU LIKE MAKING HER EYES ROLL VERSTAPPEN? DO YOU?

isabella had been so focused on her phone and texting back the others that she didn’t notice the person coming at her. she crashed into the person and her phone fell to the floor, landing with a loud crack. at least the crack sounded loud to her, but not louder than the ‘mierda’ she let out. she bent down to pick up her phone and so did the person she had bumped into, both reached for her phone, bumping heads.

“fuck,” isabella softly whispered, “you have a hard head,” she told the other person as she rubbed her head.

the person laughed, “guess that’s a good thing for an f1 driver.”

isabella’s eyes slightly widened when she realized who she had bumped into. she would recognize an australian accent anywhere, she had grown up near daniel ricciardo. oscar piastri was too busy inspecting her phone for any cracks to notice the expression she had made. he handed her the phone as both stood to their full heights, he was noticeably taller than her.

"no cracks," oscar told her as he handed back her phone. she smiled politely at him, "thanks."

"and your friends are blowing up your phone. i think you had like 10 messages come in while i was checking to see if it had any cracks. not that i read them-"

isabella waved him off, "it's just max and danny, they were arguing about who had the horniest songs written about them."

oscar laughed, "i'm oscar piastri."

"i know, i'm isabella perez" she replied, "i saw your alpine tweet, plus arthur talks about you a lot."

"i know," oscar replied, "arthur leclerc? you two know each other?" he questioned as they began walking together. isabella didn't know where he had originally been heading but now the two were walking back to their hotels.

"he's dating my sister, dulce? you might know her."

"oh, you're isa. i always wondered why they called you isa and not bella."

"because i will stab anyone who calls me bella," isabella emptily threatened. too enthralled on her phone she failed to notice the small smile on oscar's face.

"okay, bella."

isabella quickly looked up, glaring at him, "i'm glad you dnf'd."

"ouch," oscar dramatically muttered, "you wound me bella."

the two were interrupted by a voice shouting for oscar. they turned around and were met with the sight of alex albon and logan sargeant, both williams drivers also walking back to their hotel.

"alabono!" isabella shouted, rushing to hug the bleached-blonde. the taller driver opened his arms and accepted the hug, "hi, isa. did you have a good day?"

"no, charles dnf'd, so the ferrari in me is crying. however, the redbull in me is screaming for joy."

before alex could reply a ding interrupted him and caused isabella to look down at her phone. her eyes widened, and she handed her phone over to alex, "can you give this to max or danny later? i'm catching a flight on air-max later tomorrow."

alex nodded, "see you in glendale. or sooner."

"bye alex, bye logan, bye piastri!" isabella shouted as she ran off. logan looked confused between isabella's phone and alex, "why'd she give you her phone?"

the phone dinged again and alex sighed as he switched the phone to silent, "it's quite the story, one that either isa or dulce should tell you, not me."

"okay," logan said, he turned to oscar, "why'd she call you piastri?"

"oh, i called her bella," oscar replied, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. alex's eyes widned and logan knew their was a story there but he didn't pry. he wasn't close to any of the other drivers besides oscar, so he wasn't going to ask. he could be nosy sometimes but even he knew his limits. alex didn't want to talk about isabella's phone so maybe the phone had something to do with calling her bella.

"surprised you're still standing," alex said, "last time someone called her bella she kicked him in the nuts, and they had just met. he stopped calling her bella after that."

the two rookies exchanged looks as alex pocketed isabella's phone and pulled out his own phone and began to type furiously on it. logan's phone dinged moment's later but he ignored it, not wanting to make oscar suspicious. however, when his phone kept dinging oscar turned to him curiously and logan waved him off, silencing his phone.

"just friends from home, they were planing a party," logan quickly lied. oscar shrugged him off and logan was quick to divert the conversation to a random topic.

alex albon OSCAR CALLED HER BELLA AND HE'S STILL STANDING. NO BALLS WERE KICKED!!!!

dulce perez HE WHAT? BUT SHE HASN'T LET ANYONE CALL HER THAT FOR YEARS! EVEN AUSTIN WASN'T ALLOWED TO CALL HER BELLA

daniel riccardo THIS IS BIG NEWS PEOPLE!

lewis hamilton will you people shut up? some of us have an early flight to catch tomorrow.

fernando alonso mute them, i usually do that until the next morning. lewis hamilton i should start doing that

daniel ricciardo CARLOS DROP EVERYTHING NOW!!!

bailey winters MEET ME IN THE POURING RAIN! daniel ricciardo NOT THE TIME BAILEY! bailey winters IT IS ALWAYS THE TIME FOR DAPHNE JONES SONGS!

carlos sainz what happened? what did i miss?

arthur leclerc that's not fair, i've known her for years and i still get punched on the arm when i call her bella

dulce perez that’s because it’s usually “this is the skin of a killer bella” lando norris to be fair it’s a great line, and robert pattinson is great. team edward all the way daphne jones for legal reasons, team jacob natalia ruiz shall i tell suki lando’s in love with her boyfriend? lando norris CAN I MEET HIM? TELL ME I CAN!!

carlos sainz QUE ESTÁ PASANDO?! SOMEONE EXPLAIN!!

logan sargeant what’s the big deal with him calling her bella? it’s her name, no?

carlos sainz QUE? HE CALLED HER WHAT? dulce perez the only people allowed to call her bella was our dad, tio checo too, but ever since dad passed she hasn’t let anyone call her that. she says it was his name and only his. arthur leclerc her ex tried calling her bella and she kicked him in the nuts when they first met. he still did it every time he was angry at her. charles leclerc which was everyday and she always cried because only her dad was allowed to call her that. logan sargeant so the ex was an asshole? max verstappen biggest understatement of the year.

logan sargeant and that’s why she gave her phone to alex earlier.

mick schumacher HE TEXTED? AGAIN? I WOULD STRANGLE HIM IF I WOULDN'T LAND IN JAIL

daniel ricciardo i’m going to punch that guy. take a hint dude.

logan sargeant why don’t you guys just block him?

dulce perez oh why didn’t we try that? WE DID THAT YOU AMERICAN!

natalia ruiz seb said we needed to teach her to not reach out to him on her own. we're starting with confiscating her phone anytime he texts her and we give it to her the next day. it was hard to get where we are now, trust me. she used to fight us on it but now she just hands her phone over.

mae jones we're not quite sure what the next step is but we're making progress. maybe we can get her to block him on her own.

george russell so what exactly is the next step in operation osbella? obella? iscar? what's the official name?

fernando alonso how about 'all of you need to stop being invested in isabella's love life and go the hell to sleep?"

lando norris yes papa nando. fernando alonso that's going to stick isn't it? max verstappen absolutely lando norris 100 percent daniel ricciardo already making t-shirts lance stroll papa nando, papa seb, and uncle lewis mae jones good luck explaining that one to isa and oscar in the other groupchat.

¡leclerc-s speaks! it's austin gp weekend! (i live in california) anyways hope you enjoyed this one before quali today or after. expect more posts this weeked, maybe? i'm not sure yet.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[formulahs]

tjlc anon: yes, exactly re. that the similarity is that it's not abt them being a closeted couple a la larry stylinson, but rbr+lestappen orchestrating a move away from ferrari, which involves external actors and a planned outcome that is supposed to happen...when? and you see the backtracking and post-dating of it as well, like the apple yard-secret-last-episode wank, when there was a lot of talk abt charles having already signed his extension. there's also a sort of grandiosity in the lestappen gate essays which is more tjlc than larry imo, which is a bit hard to explain.

as an aside, and not to gatekeep - bc new fans are good and there isn't any one way to enjoy f1 - i also just find it a bit funny that a lot of the "interpretations" from lestappen gate-ers will talk like they have been in f1 for ages and talk abt grand narratives re. teams and how they image construct, but i know for a fact that a fair few of them literally just got into f1 the past 2 years. i do think that the recency also plays into how catastrophizing they are abt ferrari's suckiness. like, these people have not been through the illegal engine and ensuing penalty years lol.

one day, i will also get into the weird taylor swift projecting onto charles' socmed persona of it all, but it's bedtime now

i havent read that many lestappengate like full on essays because if im gonna read made up stuff id rather it be porn, but the ones i read did give off grandiosity hallucinations like every other conspiracy, i mean sure these extremely obvious and basic pr moves lead to a sharl pre-contract with rbr. sure thing its that grand. and like since we’re on social media talk do tell me your perceptions on the swiftfication of charles’ media persona (your vision. i love u anon) bc people are milking the shit out of his new american pr deal and the “change” in his online presence like GIRL people are just doing their jobs thats NOT an easter egg. the us market works in its own way and it already has its claws around f1 surprise surprise even ferrari isn’t immune to that.

also if we just stop and think the whole charles to rbr or to like any other team doesn’t even make sense? no amount of rbr admins lestappen posting or any social media presence change will compensate for the fact that we’re looking at a major reg change in 2026. it would be the dumbest thing ever to 1. go to a team that you’ll only have the ‘guarantee’ of a championship winning car til 2025 and 2. that will not treat you as a first driver bc it’s literally max verstappens team if they’re sweeping the championship or not. nobody knows who will take better advantage of the new regs WHY would charles or lando or oscar or whoever go to rbr knowing they WILL NOT be prioritized with no clear future ahead? be so serious rn red bull came into 2014 with 4 championships in a row yet the reg change still kicked them in the ass.

anyway. lestappengaters are modern day tjlcers, dont trust usamericanized social media and know your f1 herstory!

[fcb-mv33]

daniel stans: max B-A-D! needs daniel to repair his PR image and make him likable.

daniel stans: lando B-A-D! -insert conspiracy theory of your choice about how he's talentless and only outperformed daniel due to favoritism-

daniel stans: oscar B-A-D! hope he flops for sealing my amazing, talented baby waby's seat!

then there's me, hoping he just decides to retire and get into commentating or something because he can't even go to a team as a 3rd driver without his stans spreading toxicity everywhere he goes.

and frankly, I'm just going to say it: i know other max fans get frustrated at the way checo fans talk about max. trust me, i don't like it either. but as someone who supports both red bull and mclaren, trust me when i say daniel's fans would be much worse.

lots of dts converts who legitimately believe daniel was better than max and had to leave red bull because they were needlessly favoring max (basically the same shit you hear about lando and mclaren), lots of people who genuinely believe every other driver is evil and needs goofy daniel to teach them how to be good/fun people, lots of people who were literally willing to put their entire fucking moral code aside and harass the social media admin of a mental health charity because "oh my god, you allow mclaren to promote your charity when they just fired my fav multimillionaire driver? you're absolutely useless!!!" also like, checo fans will make shit conspiracy theories about max needing favoritism to win or beat his teammate or whatever, but Dan stans take conspiracy theories to a whole new level. most of the shit you've seen about how lando got into f1? completely inaccurate, started by a salty dan stan who couldn't accept him being outperformed.

like I do think, especially if the frontrunners are closer and checo doesn't improve his performance, red bull should look into replacing him, but trust me - replacing him with daniel would do NOTHING for the toxic teammate (remember, he left because he couldn't accept being 2nd driver to begin with) or the toxic fan dynamic the team is already dealing with.

You really just dropped the best anon I’ve gotten and dipped oh my god😭😭

But I agree with all of this. The amount of people who are saying how Daniel being back is going help Max for his image and show him how to be fun again is literally a joke. If people watched red bull content over Sky Sports they would see that Max is literally so fun, so nice and so chill when he’s around people he is comfortable with. The Lando and Oscar thing I agree with too, neither have done anything wrong at all. Oscar got a seat he deserved and Lando was racing which is what he is there to do yes McLaren fucked up calls for Daniel but that isn’t Lando’s fault and the amount of people wishing Oscar the worst season ever are just fucking annoying and constantly commenting under his posts are fucking weird.

I don’t mind Dan being here for PR honestly I don’t overly car but I wouldn’t want him in the car cause of his fans who have in all honestly turned me off him. They shit on Max, Christian and red bull so much, saying how now they have to support them, I’ve seen some people saying how they want Max or Checo to get sick but Dan left he did that. Like look I’m glad he’s happy and he’s content with his decision but he isn’t the driver, he is there to drag in the views but I’ve already seen people commenting under Max posts “give us Daniel” and all that shit and honestly the thought of just reading all of it is annoying. There was an article about how Max wants to do his own sim time and people were jumping to abuse him cause they interpreted it as him not wanting Daniel to do it…like tf.

The thing with DTS did really annoy me cause Daniel must have known that Max was being unfairly treated but he was getting the best coverage cause he was portrayed as the fun, happy driver and anyone who upset him deserved to be abused. At least Max stands up for the others who got fucked over as well, he doesn’t ignore it. Like he is a grown ass man who has not preformed and as you said the social media admin got abused for literally nothing and it will always be funny for me to see them and other talking about mental health when they abuse Lando and Oscar and every turn.

I think he should have never left Renault and he fucked up and now he’s back because he didn’t want the Haas seat cause he doesn’t want to be at the back but he also doesn’t want to be second to Max??? Like right now he isn’t a first driver personally I think for a top team. If Checo got dumped then I’d prefer to see an actual red bull youngest take it tbh. Daniel coming back into this team is for PR and that’s all I can see it being, I can’t see him being a number 1 in a top team and I can’t see him being number 2 with Max unless he drops the ego

[mickstart]

36, 49, 65, 77 :)

ahhh hi Mari thank you!!! Sorry for ramblinggggg.

36. What were some of your favourite races?

God this is such a hard one tbh uhh just from races I actually watched live and can remember: Canada 2011 and Brazil 2012 OBVIOUSLY I know everyone’s going to say that but they really were That Bitch. Turkey this year was an Instant Classic. I have a love hate relationship with Brazil 2008 also because “is that glock” is iconic but it’s also my “cishet dad crying as he tells his grandkids about the time he saw his football team knocked out of the world cup by one point” moment. MONACO 2009 just for Jenson parking his car in the wrong place and running to the podium bc he’d never been on the podium at Monaco before and nobody sdjdsghds told him. Japan 2012 also bc! Kamui!! Madness caused by penalties! A twist in the championship!

49. What would be your ideal F1 team? Who would drive for it, who would be the team principle and so on?

Oh my god another hard one. Ok. One absolutely batshit wish fulfillment impossible one involving heavy time travel first: Mika and Michael teammates bc we were robbed, Toto for team principal bc he knows what he’s doing and also if he fucks up Susie can fix it, we clone Rob Smedley and have two Robs on the pit wall and put Andrea Stella in charge of the engineers as a whole and Ross Brawn in charge of the car and if the FIA ask us what he’s done to the car we pretend we don’t even have a car, our pit crew is exclusively made-up of the red bull crew. Merc twitter admin but McLaren’s PR.

More reasonable one with less time travel: Mick and Callum driving, Seb as team principal or Lewis. Rocky and Bono for race engineers and still Andrea as like a development head or something, we still steal Red Bull’s pit crew and I pay Sabine absolute billions, more than the drivers, to do our PR.

65. Do you have a favourite underrated ship?

Everybody praises Sewis without talking about the fact they’re baby Mika and Michael. I am starved :(. Also.... mayhaps I’m extremely in love with the concept of Jenson and Nico and I stare up at the ceiling and think about them but you didn’t hear that from me.

These aren’t underrated just forgotten bc the drivers are retired now but I still wanna talk about them: Rolipe is an elder god and you ignore them at your peril. Rob calling Felipe baby is the origin of driver radios as a source of entertainment I CAN cite my sources. Also saw someone saying Fernando was watching the Seb, Jenson, and Mark antics uncomfortably bc he’s Too Straight For This the other day. You look at any photo of 2009-2016 Fernando looking at Mark or Andrea or Jenson and try to say that to my face. Fernando used to google “do I have a crush on him or is he just tall” in his hotel room.

Also these are like. Not underrated, just ancient: Cevert and Stewart? That Was Quite Homoerotic. Also Gerhard and Ayrton’s ridiculously soft dynamic is understandably overshadowed by The Looming Figure Of Alain but I can’t ever get over them.

77. Would you still become fan with the knowledge you have today?

Huh. I... don’t know? I think if I could stop myself becoming a fan of a corrupt sport suffocating itself with its own greed then yes but it being my special interest and a part of my life growing up it’s like... I don’t know i can’t imagine having a choice if that makes sense.