#if i try now then it just makes me sad
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canāt wait to get on testosterone so i can finally serve so much cunt
#if i try now then it just makes me sad#it doesnāt work#but when my body looks how i want you will never catch me in a full length top#gonna be constantly SERVING#ugh i canāt wait#transgender#trans man#trans male#trans ftm#trans#ftm#trans guy#lgbt#lgbtq+#gay#testosterone#t but not the british kind#t
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Taking pride in One's own appearance.
#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at#also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat.#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#doodlebyte#'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance...#you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral#anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn#sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town#i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming#id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country#plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure#all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities#and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this#which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match.#and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc.#just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it
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chair + helmet for funsies
#xmen#xmen comics#xmen tas#xmen 92#krakoa#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#need to practice drawing this helmets 3/4ths angle hi#gotta make this post quick cause i told my bro we'd carve pumpkins before i left for the week#BUUUUTTTT ANYWAY yeah while i was browsing my comic shop the first time i ran across this story and thought it was cute#it was the tas/92 adaption of krakoa but i only skimmed it#i thought of picking it up at some point but as for now it lives as a memory in my brain. i do wanna look at it closer tho#tbh at some point i think i wanna try to do a design for charles that features his actual krakoa design but with a chair/hover chair#i think itd be fun cause ngl i always like drawing his chair and not getting to with krakoa stuff makes me sad#if i get to that i dont think it'll be like. a staple with my krakoa art but just somethin to do for fun#ok i think thats all for now. i think im gonna do a movie charles doodle page later cause I Am Once Again Working Out His Face#so fingers crossed ith that plan !!!! for now its pumpkin time BYE
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the song of humanity will continue to be sung
#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun stampede#he means so much to me he means sooooo much i love him so much asfuahghdsgnkdsgk#VASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i posted it on twit but i was REALLY dreading ep 11 bc i figured that vash might cry#but instead he screamt into agony in which i cant even rewatch the episode#bc the va did such a good fucking job in conveying that terror and grief and guilt and it fucks me up so bad#vash makes me sad in EVERY adaption but stampede is like#we've only seen him be kind. he's just nice. he's serious and he's nice and he's kind. he treats everyone with so much delicateness and care#and the only time he raises his voice is for the protection of others and warning them#and now he's rung the wranger and i now have a hammer to knives' side#not even trying to be dramatic its just been awhile since a character has mattered to me in this kind of way#ruporas art
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man, you know, nobody asked me, but I have such conflicting opinions on some of the fat falin art, where on one hand: it's always nice to see A Fat Body in fanart anywhere + it's being done in positive ways, for funsies and on the other hand, there is something so familiar about how you are automatically The Fat One if you are a woman simply standing next to a more petite woman, bc I've had a 0% hitrate in seeing people change Marcille's body type and keep Falin's, or change both of them. it's just Falin
#it gives me a negative feeling that I seldom/never get from seeing fat art which is rare#like she's not fat out of thin air For Fun And No Other Reason and she's not fat bc of context#(out of thin air being like just picking a character you like and changing their design just cuz. Kabru maybe.)#(and Because Of Context being the way ppl draw fat Usagi from sailor moon. which i have been meaning to do btw)#but rather she's fat just bc to be Not the thinnest woman in the room is to be fat. like it happens specifically by scale#because marcille is so much physically smaller and petite and falin is bigger in the ways that a Human Woman is bigger#than an elf woman#and it's funny bc it's something i see all the time already#people also really don't seem to have an interest in making marcille butch in fanart in a way#that is sort of sad for me bc it's like ah well she's the thin small one so of course she gets to be feminine#if you're physically bigger then of course you get to be masc of course of course of course...#i also love good butch art esp fat butch stuff but this is about the phenomenon where if you're with#a thinner shorter woman then that means you're the butch now which is a place I have been to#and I did not like it there#I think part of why That sticks it to me is bc marcille has such a Butch Girlfriend personality and falin acts so demure LMAO#but she's slightly bigger so the writing is on the wall#sergle.txt#Godspeed to you if you choose to read these thoughts in bad faith bc I can't give you more clarifying statements if I try#like I said. conflicting feelings#i don't know if anyone else has similar thoughts it May Just Be Me#I don't think ppl think about this stuff when they make their fan redesigns but it gives me a certain feeling
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broken dopamine receptor
#disco elysium#de skills#disco elysium skills#electrochemistry#de electrochemistry#does anyone else get so sad about him. ''oh haha funny image i'll draw it as an echem shitpost'' ''...oh no. why's it sad now.''#''its so hard to keep living and here's things that make it easier!! that make you better!! give me something to work with here!!''#''I JUST WANT HIM TO LIVE! HOW CAN WE CALL THIS LIVING?? I CARE FOR HIM JUST AS MUCH AS THE REST OF YOU!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??!''#[angry and desperate] ''MY INTENTIONS ARE GOOD!! I'M *TRYING*!!!!!!'' [softer. more broken] ''i... i'm *trying*...''#<- SAD ABOUT HIM!! anyway enjoy :]#voliart
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no oneās surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#letās talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#sheās selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think itās rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around ājusticeā#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesnāt deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being āi was so stupidā which trumps her previous statement of āthereās no way iād regret thisā#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ā¹ļø#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayakaās wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of ājusticeā or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain theyāre in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that theyāre both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#iām gonna shut up now but theyāre soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh š
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haunting the narrative -> haunted by the narrative -> haunting the narrative -> haunted by
#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#fan art#fanart#art#digital art#my art#just a lil something something i did for fun#adventure time has always been the show that makes me want to draw (i have SO many AT drawings from 2015 it's ridiculous)#but now I'm coming back to that ye olde passion with new digital art skills and many more evil tragic thoughts (thank you fionna and cakeš)#i couldn't get the thought about them haunting and be haunted by the narrative out of my head so I had to make some art for it#the caption for this was almost: so who wears the haunted by the narrative in the relationship?#they take turns of course because damn these guys really do be having that tragic romance huh. hot potato cursed existence#never quite on the same wavelength. always out of reach. their love the very thing that dooms them to be apart. a love defined by absences#like two ships in the night passing each other by. except they keep trying to seek the other out. and so end up going in circles#the tragic dance of madness and sadness. lead on and i shall follow. ....so anyway...these two amiright?#/might/ have to write something at some point...maybe...#because like... ghosts are my thing. and these two...well. even when they aren't haunting the narrative they are still ghosts#never let themselves live in the present and okay I'm going to stop now. enjoy the art byeeeee#...AND they'll never be at peace because they'll always be reaching for a version of each other that no longer exists andā#(i am dragged kicking and screaming from the room before i can devolve into a full blown meta)
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y
hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]
#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#fake peppino#gustavo and brick#arting#pizzaposting#so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that#and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it#not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow.#he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT!#since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine#he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)'#so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you'#and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to#who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower#making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to....#it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative.#thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino#i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now#nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact#he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that#and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine#is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf#gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man.#anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo#pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here#''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy.#gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything.#if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''
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al-haithamās the kind of guy who tilts his head slightly for a kiss before you even lean in to give him one. he just knows itās coming. expects it. trusts itāll happen.
heās yawning when he sits at the table for breakfast, hair slightly disheveled from sleep. he sits down and when you place the mug of coffee in front of him, his head angles a little for that kiss you place on his cheek.
heās drowned in endless paperwork at the akademiya when you stop by to visit, chuckling when he gives you that look of despair at the all the work he has to do. you donāt even manage to walk up to him fully before heās leaning in and waiting for the kiss to the top of his head.
heās shirtless in the bathroom, brushing his teeth at night when you walk in to brush yours too, bumping hips with his as you giggle. you donāt even have to turn before heās tilting his head so heās exposed and ready for that gentle peck you leave at his jaw.
āhave you ever noticed how demanding you are for these,ā you chuckle one day, pressing a kiss to his cheek to prove your point.
he grunts, leaning in and burying his head into your neck as you greet him at the door after a long day. ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½what makes you say that,ā he mumbles.
āyouāre ready for one before iāve even come close,ā you grin, āwhat if one day i donāt kiss you?ā
āyouād stop kissing me?ā he asks, squeezing your hips as he nuzzles into your neck. something tells you he already knows your answer.
and heās warm. heās close. heās here and heās everything all at once. heās all you need and everything youāve ever wanted. heās the messy hair of your mornings and the pouty lips of your afternoons and that shirtless back of every night. he meets you halfwayāmaybe even takes the first step so you donāt have to.
he leans in for that kiss before you do. because he needs you, wants you, loves youāand he never lets you forget it. so you turn your head, press your lips against the side of his head and run your fingers through his hair as he sighs in content.
āno,ā you hum, falling in love all over again, āno iād never stop kissing you.ā
#ā° ā al haitham.#hi guys iām#rly sad#bc idk iām trying to pick up writing my haitham fic again#but iām struggling on cnn arcaterization and#just writing in general#i think iām hitting a block again#and i was 6k words into the fic#i rly wanted to post it before this vacation#so iām trying to write little blurbs of#how i think heās like to love#to maybe#idk spark inspiration and get a better grasp of him#iām just#bummed :( this fic was my most fav idea ever i#rly love it and him and it was making me happy to write and now i feel like itās not what k expected so iām sad#:(#anyway hereās needy haitham to cleanse the dash and cheer up moods#bc i needed a mood loft#lift **
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Moreover, Caesar was not satisfied to be overĀlooked at first by Sulla, who was busy with a multitude of proscriptions, but he came before the people as candidate for the priesthood, although he was not yet much more than a stripling.Ā To this candidacy Sulla secretly opposed himself, and took measures to make Caesar fail in it, and when he was deliberating about putting him to death and some said there was no reason for killing a mere boy like him
Plutarch, Caesar
sulla's fight with caesar is extremely funny, but also very Something considering how much of sulla you see reflected in caesar's later actions. breaking news: grown man picks fight with teenager, more at 11.
bskyĀ āĀ pixivĀ āĀ pillowfortĀ āĀ cohost
#roman republic tag#drawing tag#komiks tag#ehgugh. okay.#hello late republic it has been. like. a week since you've appeared on my blog.#i had to dig through my other WIP folder which is just goofy comics i draw to amuse myself. which is what this is#the third guy is lucullus bc im still testing out designs. someday i will land on one i like.#my main WIP folder was just making me sad so we'll put that to the side for now and focus on making. coffee#i need to be awake before i attempt to try and read this one book and man i do not feel awake in the slightest#lucius cornelius sulla felix#lucius licinius lucullus#gnaeus pompeius magnus#marcus licinius crassus
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i keep trying to think of funny/poetic ways to talk about all the things i'm feeling right now but i honestly can't so. i'm really sad about what happened with my partner. i know he was an inconsiderate prick about it and that i didn't do anything wrong and i couldn't have prevented it but i'm just really fucking sad.
#ramble#i think knowing that he was awful and that it wasn't my fault should make all the sad go away actually#i'm in such a weird fragile state right now that last night i looked at my flip flops that are still covered in mud#and i just started crying bc last weekend he carried me over the mud so they wouldn't get ruined. KNOWING he was going to do this to me#sorry i try really hard not to overshare but i don't want to keep bothering anyone in my actual life about this and idk what to do#when it happened it didn't hurt this badly and i just assumed i would be fine#idk i think it's just sunk in how much of my future i don't have anymore and that's like#a bit scary#because i was Just calming down and thinking maybe i would be ok in the long term and now it's all gone#i'm in that weird place between desperately wanting him back and plotting where to bury the body parts#i'm also mad bc i wish he'd left me before the festival. there were SO many gorgeous metalhead trans girls that i could've kissed
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šš„ŗš please donāt forget me when i disappear repeatedly and donāt get back to your messages for weeks
#me because Iām sad but trying to make light of my ridiculous needs not matching my ridiculous social energy levels lmao#also legitimately though please donāt forget me I do try my hardest Iāll always reply eventually#Iāll always tag you in things or send you asks when you reblog ask memes#Iāll be good I swear!!#SHE WAS ONLINE TOO LONG AND NOW TINY THINGS ARE UPSETTING HER#LIKE HOW EVERYONE ELSE GETS ALONG BUT SHE DOESNT FIT IN#I actually think I just socialised a little bit too close to the sun today oops#finnie shouts into the void
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time iām just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know itās hard on my friends to see me like this since iāve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#itās been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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SKULLY HAS RAIDED MERA'S BLOG!!!???
Skully over shining Zuzu?
UNFORTUNATELY...... yes,,, (ĖĢ£Ģ£Ģ„įÆ
ĖĢ£Ģ£Ģ„) WAAAA I AM SO SORRY, ZUZU!!!! My heart is just too big and I fell for the dead guy with his Victorian rizz and kiss addiction. I couldn't help it...... he charmed me. This obsession is terrible, dear Izuna!!!! OTL he's completely taken over my brain,,, a parasite that I can't shake!! >:(
He's so precious,,, my beloved King of Halloween, oh how I adore you most ardently. <3 I wish him nothing but peace and happiness forever hehe.
#twisted chit chat#video-game-luvr#AND THEN THEY KILLED HIM#THEY KILLED HIM AND NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW HAPPINESS ļ½”Ā°(Ā°.āįÆ
āĀ°)Ā°ļ½”#i need to write so much angst and fluff with him to cope with this sadness in my heart...#how is twst going to let me have a meaningful bond with skully and then RIP HIM FROM OUT OF MY ARMS?!?!?!?!#the amnesia is bad enough now they have to make him dead too T_T#when i catch you twst... when i catch you!!!!!!!#i need to write him in the plot of 'saishuu senkoku' where he's a lousy grim reaper trying to get you to commit suicide and reap your soul#but because he's so bad at his job it only makes you want to live even more just to spite him#something something skully inadvertently helping you find the will and meaning to live#something something the final declaration of 'i want to live' rather than 'i want to die'#skully with that song is so *chef's kiss* to me#my favorite mafu song... everything about it is just so good#AAAA I RAMBLED A LOT ;;;;
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