#if i pretend theyre all happy it will be true

[very-small-giant]

i think they should all kiss each other and be happy

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

[theealbatross]

kiss me (s.s.)

Plot | You fought, kissed, and made up. But it could never be that easy.

or, Sebastian took two steps forward and three steps back.

Tags | insecurities, social pressures, obsessive tendencies, slytherin!reader, dark!seb and reader if you squint, but not really, underage drinking (theyre all 16-18 in this), they're just crazy about each other and can't tell anyone, kissing (duh) nothing too PG, happy ending?, read 4k words and figure it out, if the end made you scream say 'aye'

[ 6th Year ]

“Spin that fucking bottle!”

If you had known what absolute monstrosity you would create when you introduced muggle sleepover games to your housemates you would’ve gone to bed early.

But now, you were surrounded by drunk, nosy, Slytherins that were dead-set on exposing each other’s most embarrassing secrets. No one was safe.

“Imelda!” Everyone cheered, Grace quickly hooked her arms around the other girl’s neck when she tried to escape.

The party had long since been over, most of the students from other houses had already retired to their own rooms but those who had friends in Slytherin (like Poppy and Natty) or were too drunk to journey back to the spiraling staircases of their houses safely (like Everett and Samantha) decided to sober up for a while in the Quidditch Grand Champion’s common room.

“Are you actually as mean as you pretend to be or do you just not know how to make friends,” Natty slurred, pointing and wagging a finger at her.

If she was in a better constitution, she would’ve been able to brush off that accusation easily and with confidence but a dozen of improved (thanks Garreth) Firewhiskey shots later and the ever-guarded Imelda flushed in embarrassment to the surprise of everyone. The small circle burst out laughing, Imelda pushed Grace away in annoyance.

“It’s okay, ‘melda. We love you as you are!” Poppy was definitely still hammered.

“Next, next, next!”

The bottle spun and spun but your eyes were at the boy who had just returned from tucking Ominis in their shared dorm. You smiled up at him as he sat in the reserved space available just for him right beside you. “Omi?” you mouthed.

He squeezed your hands, silently letting you know your lightweight friend was now safely tucked in his own bed and ready to welcome the worst hangover he had ever known tomorrow.

“Well, well, well! Our brilliant, beloved, beater!”

It was when you turned your eyes back down on the ground that you saw that the mouth of the bottle was now undoubtedly pointed at Sebastian.

“Mate, I just got here!”

The crowd booed, Sebastian receiving light punches and playful jeers. “It’s the rules, Sallow!”

Everyone looked at you expectantly, the false inventor of such guidelines. You smirked, shrugging, “Rules are rules.”

Sebastian gaped at the betrayal. He gave you a look that lets you know he’ll get you back for this, even secretly poking your waist sharply. You didn’t like the way your housemate’s eyes glinted at the small interaction. Oh no.

“Alright, Alright,” Garreth shushed the crowd with two outstretched hands. “I have the million galleon question! I’m sure everyone will praise my genius for it!”

“Get on with it already!”

The Gryffindor threw a drunken glare at the voice from the back of the common room. “Now, I’m sure our dear Sebastian, despite receiving many letters of admiration and flutters of pretty lashes –”

“Gross,” Imelda grumbled.

“—has yet to officially court someone!” Garreth announced, arms stretched wide like he was a ringmaster about to start his greatest show. Everyone oo-ed and ahh-ed and cheered.

You didn’t like where this was going.

Sebastian, for all the eyes that were on him, managed to maintain the small smile on his cocky face.

It was true. You were not blind to the … physical developments he had undergone the last two years nor to the attention it had garnered him. The boy you had sneaked around Hogwarts with in your fifth year had disappeared and was replaced by a man. An unfairly tall, tanned, attractive man. You damn near walked past him again if he had not pulled you to his side on your first day during your 6th year.

You weren’t ignorant of it, nor were you dumb enough to deny your attraction to your friend.

But you are a lady. And his friend.

His most trusted, beloved friend (his words not yours).

You’d rather not risk your lifelong connection if he won’t. You know how to read between the lines as blurry as it had become. He’s lost too much and you refuse to become another scar in his soul. The both of you have had enough of that to last you till the next lifetime.

“So, my question is,” your eyes widened when you felt two hands on each of your shoulders, in your deep reverie you have failed to notice Garreth sneaking behind your back or that all conniving eyes and raised eyebrows were now on you.

Sebastian smiled.

“Kiss, Marry, Kill.”

[ 7th Year ]

It was by incredible luck that your 7th year of Hogwarts called for the Triwizard tournaments to be held in Hogwarts.

You were prepared to enjoy the event in relative peace. Happy that for once you would be the spectator of all the action instead of being the one in the middle of it.

Life just can’t make it that easy for you.

You did not even realize that Sebastian of all people had thrown his name in as consideration until he had been called and your dreams of a quiet last year in Hogwarts were shot to the depths of hell. It was the first time in a while that you felt true fear, the type that froze all your blood solid.

The fight that followed in the Undercroft was explosive.

“How could you be so reckless, Sebastian?! People die in these games! Why would you do this?!”

Just the thought of it makes your stomach sink. Sebastian will be front and center of this bloody battle of pride that is broadcasted to the entire wizarding world. It was different when it was the two of you jumping through all types of danger – this time you won’t be able to help him. He will be alone.

Yet, when you had expected a valid explanation and a plan out of all this madness he instead looked at you with such anger and vitriol that you physically flinched.

“Because I am sick of being just your friend!” Even Ominis pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning on. Foreseeing a tragedy about to uncontrollably unroll. “I’m constantly surrounded by you two! Ominis Gaunt, the scion of the purest bloodline in the wizarding world, the Heir of Slytherin who could do no wrong! How brilliant!”

He cackled a laugh, he looked like a man at the brink of insanity. How long had he been holding on to these thoughts?

“And you!”

“Sebastian enough –” Ominis tried to cut through his mania but he wasn’t having any of it. Once the words were out, there was no taking them back in. He was cursed – he will have to see it through.

“Famed Hero of Hogwarts,” each word was dripped in poison, the insecurities bubbling inside him caused him to lash out at anyone and everyone who dared question his decision. How could they understand? How would they understand a nobody? “Do you know how tired I am of being in your shadow?”

He felt the sting before he heard it, the slap drowned the Undercroft in silence. Then, the weight of his grave words sunk in. The green haze in his head cleared just to see the boiling tears falling down your distraught face.

What has he –

“Then let me free you of such shadow, Sebastian,” your face crumpled, physically pained by such cruelty from your dearest companion. “You’re on your own this time.”

That had been months ago, aside from the few classes you had together he had not even seen you anywhere else. Not even in the first game when he had sent you an owl begging you for a chance to apologize and dedicating his win to you. The victory over the other contestants tasted bitter when he couldn’t find your face in the celebrating crowd.

And the pit in his chest turned into a black hole when he caught Ominis at the edge of the celebration shaking his head. She didn’t come. He’s lost her.

Ominis refused to help him – not that he deserved any. In retrospect, it was ... silly – the insecurities he had been shamefully hiding. He knew his friends had never seen him short of an equal but it’s difficult to see the good when the entire world is looking down at you with cruel, disapproving eyes when your back is turned. Cruel whispers they made sure only he could hear.

“I thought he’d live somewhere more posh.” “Sallow? Dating her? That’s preposterous he’s an orphan with barely a galleon to his name.” “Why do you think they keep him around?”

It was stupid and irrational and he handled it in the worst possible way. Lashed out at the one person who least deserved it, who went through hell to drag him back out, then benevolently tended to all the wounds and scars in his humanity till he was himself again.

“Let me free you of such shadow, Sebastian.”

He slammed his head on the wall he was leaning on, the heartbreaking image of her distressed face was a nightmare that had chased him awake or asleep.  Sebastian may deserve this but you most definitely didn’t. He never deserved you.

Yet, here he was, sitting on the floor of the Ravenclaw Tower with a wilted bouquet of wildflowers he had picked before breakfast, hoping he could catch her somehow. He ignored the giggles, snickers, and confused questions thrown his way no matter how embarrassed he felt. He wasn’t moving from this spot until he can apologize – the silent treatment was torture worse than Crucio. And he had been hit with one.

At the first sound of the walls transforming, he was already up on his feet, his hands instinctively brushing his hair as if looking presentable would even out his chances of repairing his most treasured friendship.

The door opened and finally, your eyes met his. The tension was something that would choke even the greediest puffskein. Your eyes were wide, unblinking and your lips were pursed in a fine line that communicated how much you loathed being in his presence. He hopes you know that you could never hate him as much as he hated himself at this very moment.

“For you!” It was only when it was being offered to you did he realize how abysmal the dying bouquet he had been carrying in his hands since this morning looked. But it was too late now, she was already here, looking at the flower then back to him and all the lines he had practiced flew out of his head.

Instead, he just fell to his knees, prostrating, tears already threatening to fall down his face. He had never been an honorable man. “Sebastian! Get up!”

“I will do anything you ask me to,” The feel of her touch made his skin tingle. After months of not even catching your eyes or hearing your voice and it was more than worth it to suffer through all this humiliation just for this moment. Even if you may never forgive him at least he could apologize. He’ll have a better last moment with you than your fight. “I’ll win the games. I’ll quit. I’ll drop out of Hogwarts if that’s what you want just, please … forgive me.”

He felt your arms wrap around him but he was too distraught, barely comprehending that you had somehow pulled him back into the room until the two of you fell on the ground and the door of the room slammed shut. Still, he continued sobbing in your arms, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he drenched your neck with his anguished tears. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Sebastian wasn’t playing fair but your forgiveness was a prize he was willing to cheat to earn. There would be no point of honor if he lost you – anyone else but you.

“It wasn’t anything you did. It was me,” he sobbed. “I just – you and Ominis became such incredible people that I realized it was me who had not become anyone. I am a nobody!”

“Sebastian that is just not true –”

“It’s moronic I know! But I just thought … if I could win these games … if I could stop being just myself and be a champion then I can finally earn the spot beside you.”

It was embarrassing to admit all that, the deep insecurities that had festered inside of him the moment he was finally faced with the reality of the world. That he was surround by great people who has and will achieve great things and he was … him. A failure, a murderer, a burden.

“Don’t make me slap you again,” your cold voice woke him up from his self-lashings.

He sniffed, nodding, finally finding the strength and shame to sit up on his knees in front of you. “I … I really am so sorry.”

He pinched his eyes shut, preparing himself for the worst. His nails digging in his palm in an effort to stop it from shaking. However, it took one touch of your palms to break through all his pretenses. “I forgive you.”

He crumbled in relief, jumping into your open arms in a mess of tears, snot, and even more apologies.

“I know, I know,” you shushed him, hands tight even as he soaked your shirt through. “Ominis talked to me and … Sebastian you really are so silly. What do you mean you're a nobody? You're the top student in our year! So much so that all those Ravenclaws have declared you their enemy. You're the greatest beater in our generation that even I have been receiving owls begging me to somehow convince you to play for their team when you graduate! I can't even imagine how many times I would have gotten in trouble or straight-up died if it wasn't for you! I swear you're so fucking daft sometimes!”

He nodded eagerly, taking any jabs you may have if it meant you were talking to him. Even if it was still difficult for him to accept that any of those achievements you dictated could ever surmount to what you had achieved he knew it wasn't smart to try and correct it now when you had just forgiven his transgressions. “Stupid, stupid, boy.”

It was there in that room that your fractured friendship was mended with a bunch of dead flowers and Sebastian’s tears.

To celebrate, you had produced a couple of leftover Hogshead Brew for the two of you to enjoy till you were tipsy enough to forget the past horrible months without each other and were now giggling to each other’s face as if to make up for all the laughs you were owed in the months of silence.

“Lay back down, your eyes are going to be swollen shut.”

He’s been crying so hard for so long that he was too tired to do anything but follow your words, laying at the center of the bed you’ve conjured and sighing at the warm cloth you pressed on his eyes that miraculously stopped the world from spinning.

If he thinks too hard about the shameful faces he had shown you, he fears he’s going to combust, instead he focused on the rake of your nails on his hair, the familiar scent of your perfume he had given to you as a gift for your birthday last year, and the weight of your head as you laid on his stomach while the alcohol coursed through his body.

“You shouldn’t quit.”

He folded the cloth in one eye to take a peek at you. You giggled sweetly, clearly taking the drink harder than him, and gods above did he miss it. His happiness was cut short however when you crawled over the length of his body and instead plopped next to him, your head resting on his outstretched arm.

Physical affection wasn’t new to the two of you – after what you had been through hugs and holding hands were something the two of you found comfort in, a reminder that despite everything, the two of you made it out together – but after a few months without it he was faced with the realization of how unconventionally intimate your friendship truly was.

“Like I said, Ominis explained to me how you’ve been feeling – only another man would ever understand a bruised man’s ego. And if this is what’s going to make you feel better then I will support you till the end.” He turned his head so he can look at your eyes. When you cupped his face he felt his gut curl on itself from adoration. “But make no mistake Sebastian, the two of us have always been equals. We’re kindred spirits, remember?”

Kindred spirits, he thought. He remembers the first time he called the two of you that -- something a little cheeky for the first witch who didn't sneer in disgust at the prospects of his less than favorable past time. The curiosity in your eyes then was one he had seen in his own, even then he had this funny feeling that you were going to get along very well.

If he only knew how right he was, he would've thought he was a prodigy in divination.

A tear once again pebbled at the memory but just as he closed his eyes ready to wipe it away you were already sitting up, throwing the wet cloth and pressing a kiss on the edge of it. Sebastian sucked in a breath, blinking to see you hovering over him now. He’s never seen you this zealous. The passion in your eyes is almost mirroring his own.

It would seem whatever was in that brew had smashed through your inhibitions and his pride as he let you continue peppering kisses all over his face.

“You are very precious to me,” she whispered fondly, her gaze soft, drunk and adoring then it turned dark, an emotion crossed your face that he’d only seen when you had been fighting the meanest of foes. “I’d blow this entire school up before I let any of them think they could take your place in my life.”

Sebastian shuddered, his entire body burning under your gaze.

Leaning over again, you pressed another kiss on his other eyelid. “I won’t allow anyone to take you away from me.”

On his forehead. “And you are not allowed to leave me. I forbid it, Sebastian.”

As pathetic as it was, the words were everything he needed to hear. The possession healing over all his insecurities like a balm.

He has always been a selfish lad. His parents and everything he had ever known were ripped away from him at too early of an age that it made him realize that he needed to protect Anne because she was all he had but even that exploded spectacularly into a tragedy.

And then he met you and finally, finally, he met his person. Someone who was seemingly made just for him. Someone who understood him for all his secrets and flaws and still called him a friend.

However, it would seem that he was cursed of a cruel fate. Because the one person who was supposed to be just his turned out to be the most sought-after witch of their generation with the type of magic that had not been seen in centuries. At first, it didn’t matter, he was confident of his place in your life. But as the two of you grew up, the reality that your position in society were skies apart was when his insecurities began to painfully blossom.

But this … it was nice to be claimed like this. To be able to hear and see the crazed obsession he had only seen in his own reflection be mirrored by the one person he needed it from the most. The whole world can laugh behind his back, it didn’t matter anymore. The most brilliant witch in history is in this bed with him, kissing all his insecurities away and branding him as hers.

He chuckled but was cut short when you pressed a softer kiss just by the edge of his smile. His heart threatened to pound out of his chest, his ears failing to hear anything else but the next words out of your mouth. “Do you understand me, Sebastian?”

It has never been clearer: she is his.

“You are mine.”

With her final words, Sebastian’s brain seems to finally function again. A surge of alcohol and courage caused him to raise his limbs to cup your face, pulling you closer and closer so he could finally do what he had been dreaming about since your first duel.

A kiss. A promise. The final bind that would lock your souls together forevermore.

You gasped, smiling through the kiss before you plopped your entire body on top of his, your body finally getting overwhelmed by the alcohol and all that has happened in the past hours – knocking you straight into a dreamless sleep.

For the first time in a long, long while, he was at peace.

The two of you may never remember this moment but he’ll know it in his soul. In this dim room, surrounded by her scent, and her skin, and her kisses – he has finally found where he belongs and who belonged to him.

He pulled you into him – tighter, closer. It didn’t matter, you were his.

Only his.

“Guess we made up?”

When you woke up Sebastian was already lounging in the ottoman by the end of the bed, casually reading a book while you were crawling towards him with your blanket over your head and suffering through a hangover.

If not for the redness in his eyes you would’ve thought you hallucinated his teary apologies.

He was quick to open up his form, grabbing a decorative pillow for you as you laid down on his lap dramatically. You don’t remember much but you knew enough that the big fight was forgotten and forgiven.

“Guess so, darling,” he chuckled nonchalantly, back to his cool, charming self as if he hadn’t been a crybaby in your arms just yesterday.

‘Darling’? That’s new.

You grinned, letting him pet you. You weren’t complaining, not being friends with Sebastian felt wrong and it was a miracle you stood your ground as hard as you did.

“Aren’t I so gracious, dear?” you teased, poking his stomach to make him flinch. The two of you laughed. “What happened after I popped out that blasted poison from Hogshead?”

When you try to comb through your memories your headache fights back with a vengeance so you had hoped he would supply the blank pages in your mind.

He stared at you for a beat before sighing, looking truly as miffed as you. “I wish I remembered, I’m in the dark as much as you.”

And as much as he knows it was wrong to not try to remember, he also knew he wouldn’t be able to live through the embarrassment of what he might’ve been telling you while he was drunk and emotional again. It was a mistake but he was more than happy to let those blank memories remain blank. What’s important is that you are friends again.

“Let’s focus on the future now, hm? No sense digging through what would definitely be an embarrassing moment for me,” he groaned, pinching your cheeks when you gave him a teasing smile.

You hesitated, biting your lip but then nodded. “If you say so.” It was in the past after all.

Sebastian was glad you let it go. (He will regret this in years to come.)

“Speaking of futures, I had wanted to ask you,” he played with the short strands of your hair, heart full of adoration as he looked down at your face. “Go to the Yule Ball with me? Gotta have a pretty date for this year.”

You dramatically gasped, “The Future Triwizard Champion asking little old me? Also, I was your date last year, scoundrel!”

He burst out laughing, you jumped into his arms, pressing a kiss on his cheeks.

His lips tingled, his head ached as it begged him to remember. But then you flashed him that bright smile and nothing else mattered.

“I would love to.”

The two of you were back to what you had once been. It would just be greedy to ask for more.

Right?

[o-sunny-day]

THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS EPISODE 4 DISCUSSION NOTES!!!!

TALK TO ME ABOUT THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS!!! IM BEGGING YOU!!!!

Spoilers ahead :D so many spoilers :D

IVE GOT THOUGHTS!!! That can most conveniently be organized in sections of character analysis… Some Jax and Ragatha are in there too but these are the MAIN ones I have the most thoughts on/thoughts that revolve around them but still include other characters. LETS GO!!!

CAINE!

Allow me to indulge in my PERSONAL favorite thing first before being more general- im getting these out of the way first cause theyre less THIS EPISODE and more how this episode adds to the rest of his character and omg i love him sm….

I loved when Zooble and Jax talked about Caine. I love when Caine specifically is talked about. Cause like- people's opinions of him. I care about a lot. itll ALWAYS be interesting, cause hes THE GUY. THE MAN. THE DUDE THAT PUTS THEM THROUGH ALL THE SHIT THEY HATE AND MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE “REAL” FEELINGS. He’s a really unsuspecting goofy character at a glance who (telling from ep 3) like actually KINDA cares?? Cant tell if it’s for more selfish reasons or what, but he’s clearly PROGRAMMED to care about his guests, so he does.

And some people (zooble) are kinda SCARED OF HIM and FOR GOOD REASON???? Like yeah no shit, Jax. Caine has the power to do ANYTHING including killing you…torturing you for all eternity. fun stuff like that!

But he won't! cause hes not programmed for that. So he wont.

Also side note: Caine said in the last episode “Zooble! look at this cool bee I drew!” and on his desk he just has a shitton doodles of bees. This is all he does in his free time.

Second more important side note: Caine glitching out at the end feels important, but also feels like just a comedic moment. and idk what to make of that. LOCKING IT IN MY HEAD EITHER WAY CAUSE IT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD ON THE FIRST VIEWING SO MUCH 😭

LAST THOUGHT: I would LOVE for him to gain sentience cause I have a sneaking suspicion he doesn’t right now telling from how he’s literally PART of the circus they’re in… HM… Cause telling from Gummigoo it IS POSSIBLE for AI to gain sentience…. Foreshadowing perchance… OH YEAH, GUMMIGOO!!!

GUMMIGOO!

HE TOTALLY RECOGNIZED POMNI AROUND THE END OF THEIR INTERACTION. his face changed when she said that none of this is real in front of him, HE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS. but they also understand Caine wont let him stay. Kinda like a Sans (kill me) moment of “ik none of this matters, but since it wont last, I’ll at least be happy doing it!”

Something I love about the writing also…This being a very rushed adventure that Caine didn't get to spend a lot of time on explains WHYYYYY GUMMIGOO IS IN THIS. LIKE THIS WASN’T JUST FOR THE PLOT IT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE???? all of the NPCs in it are unfinished or redos. He didn't have time to make new ones. ***I JUST LOVE THAT THAT'S SO SMART***

GANGLE.

i'm obsessed

Her taking off that smile mask and actually smiling with her real face KILLED ME. shes learning to be her authentic self and I love it

Jax constantly breaking her happy mask, making her reveal her true sad face feels like the equivalent of bullying the quiet kid like- she's always just pretending to be happy/okay, but then him harassing her makes her “break character “ (EH??? EH??? BREAK??????? CHARACTER????????? MASK?????????WHAT??????)

But Gangle going crazy I think is a sortaaaa “metaphor” (there's a better word but I cant think of it) for how pretending to be someone your not can make you the person you hate. Like she was kinda abusive in this episode… People who are awful people were all victims once, technically- not ALL ofc cause nothing is black and white n all that, but you get me-

IN GENERAL…

i think the motif of this episode was pretending to be someone you're not, for whatever reason you have. Not just for Gangle! For Jax, its to entertain himself, keep em sane. And for Gangle, its for everyone else. But for RAGATHA…I feel its both. She wants to feel useful/helpful for herself for selfish reasons BUT she also just wants to be useful/helpful for everyone else for kind, caring reasons. I already got that vibe before this episode, but Gangle talking about how she cant tell when Ragatha is being genuine or not makes me very confident this is the case

I thought Gangle was gonna abstract in that last bit of the episode, and im like 99% sure that was intentional. I love that a lot… I love how this show is written, abstracting was introduced right away, so now its a looming threat across all these characters youve grown to love, appreciate, and relate too

Idk what Gangle getting hit by the truck was a reference to, but part of my brain rot theorizing in me wants to say this digital world is basically Hell and thats how she “died” before getting here. Doesnt make any godamn sense and the truck thing totally has other explainations I JUST CANT THINK OF ANY!!! PUTTEM IN THE COMMENTS BELOW AND DONT FORGET TO HIT THAT BEL- *gets shot*

[linkito]

scarian 34 maybe.. but theyre in love..

#34 …to pretend.

Scar’s honestly not sure what Scott is on about with his whole Relationship Ranch thing. He’s not as obtuse as Grian is about it, pretending like their relationship isn’t mangled and strained, like the idea of couple’s therapy is entirely unfounded for the two of them, but— the goats? Really? Even at their worst, he and Grian aren’t stupid enough to get hit by a goat.

Even at their worst, they’re still a team. None of these trust-building activities are of any use to them.

The only reason Scar is going along with it at all is because of Scott. Scott who might know the most about the ins and outs of his and Grian’s complex relationship throughout these life games. But he’s beginning to have his doubts. Scott seems distracted.

Grian seems to have the same idea, because this time he calls Scott out when he pulls out his communicator for about the dozenth time. “Who do you keep talking to?”

Scar instantly dogpiles onto the accusations. “Are we not important enough for your undivided attention, doc?”

“No, you’re very important!” Scott protests, stuffing his communicator away. Scar narrows his eyes in tandem with Grian.

“Maybe he realizes we don't need this after all, G,” Scar says with a shake of his head, eyes flicking upward to watch for Scott’s reaction. As expected, Scott twitches nervously and immediately begins to wave his hands in placating disagreement.

But Grian speaks before Scott can. “Yeah, we’ve passed all your little tests, so what are you on about anyway?” With a disgruntled huff, Grian slots in beside Scar and crosses his arms, looking Scott up and down with the same level of scrutiny. “Scar and I are fine.”

It almost feels true when Grian is leaning into Scar’s space like this, taking his side like they have a common enemy, playing up the charade as much as Scar is to push at someone else’s buttons. On that rare occasion they’re on the same page, things do actually seem fine.

That’s possibly the worst part of it all— the almost fine.

Scott takes a moment to compose himself, now on the defensive as he speaks slowly and calmly. Unfortunately for him, however, he chooses the wrong words:

“But back in the desert—“

Both of their faces sour instantly, for different reasons perhaps, but they can both agree on one thing: that those words do not belong on Scott’s tongue.

Grian is partway through muttering a bitter “that’s none of your business,” when Scar chimes in with a theatrical twirl of his hands and solemn shake of his head, stepping forward so Grian is behind him and doesn’t have to address the unfinished accusation.

“Oh, Scott, come on now,” Scar says with a twinkle in his eye, slipping on the mask of a man not-scorned in order to pry himself from this situation. “That was then and this is now! People change! Relationships change! That isn’t always a bad thing, is it?”

Scott blinks, trying to keep up with Scar’s rapid-fire string of almost nonsense. “Uh.”

“Exactly!” Scar says, as if it were an agreement. He turns to face Grian, but keeps his feet pointed toward Scott, ever the actor, never fully turning his back to his audience. “But we’re perfectly happy, aren’t we now, Grian?”

Scar loops an arm around Grian’s back, tugging him closer and lowering his face so it’s level with his soulmate’s, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

His words pose a challenge, one Grian is intimately familiar. Scar rests his hand just beneath the base of Grian’s wings, where he used to hold onto when they embraced, when he would scoop Grian up into his arms and kiss him senseless while the scorching sun beat down on their necks. There’s that same level of firmness Grian had grown accustomed to paired with the gentle graze of fingers over his cheek from Scar’s other hand— that strong sense of security combined with unparalleled tenderness.

Grian doesn’t even realize he’s parted his lips, leaning forward in dizzying anticipation, acting on instinct alone, leaving all his senseless doubts behind as Scar slowly leans in closer, lips only a breath apart.

Scar’s hand trails over Grian’s cheek, ghosting over his jaw, then settling perfectly in place to hide both their lips from Scott’s prying eyes.

And then Scar smiles, and something about it is askew, something Grian can’t quite place— it’s too crooked, almost self-satisfied, almost—

And just like that, Scar pulls away.

“See?” Scar says, eyes flicking over to Scott, who, according to Grian’s short-circuiting brain, no longer existed at all. “Perfectly happy.”

It takes Grian far too long to realize those words were directed at someone else, or that there was not, in fact, sand at his feet and hot air brushing through his feathers. Scar is still speaking, and none of it is directed at him, because they aren’t alone atop a mountain of sand, in their own private corner of the world. They’re in a new game entirely, one where things are far too similar, yet not the same at all.

One where he definitely didn’t expect Scar to kiss him for real.

One where he definitely wouldn’t have let him.

“Grian,” Scar calls, snapping him out of his dazed state, and Grian hopes to god he doesn’t look too desperate when he glances up at him. “I’m pretty sure the rest of the server is tearing up our base looking for sugar cane.”

“They’re what??”

[gabessquishytum]

Hob is a former escort, now a permanent ornament to some rich guy (you know what, let’s say burgess). Orphaned at an early age, hob has never known another way of life, other than scraping by using what he can. And often that’s been his body.

At least with burgess he knows where his meals are coming from and he knows what to expect and how to please him. he knows burgess isn’t going to share him around or hurt him. But he’s very jaded about love.

Enter poet dream. Dream is an aspiring writer who grew up pretty sheltered. This is a dream who’s never been heart broken, or lost a son, who believes in true love and the moment he sees hob, he feels it.

Maybe burgess is trying to court Dream’s sister, death. Death isn’t into it but it does get them invited to a party at burgess’ estate. and that’s where Dream first meets hob.

Hob is getting towed around by burgess, wearing clothes picked for him, laughing at all the right times, while being very clearly bored. Enamored with his beautiful brown eyes, Dream follows him around the party, heart pounding in his ears. And when burgess is distracted, Dream takes his chance. He introduces himself to hob and in the same breath tells him that he’s never seen anyone look so lovely or so lonely.

Hob just laughs, charmed despite himself. But they talk, secluded on a balcony all night. Hob finds himself opening up about his life, about how he is tired of being used by the highest bidder, about how he always wanted more for himself but has stopped believing it’s possible. And dream recites his poems for him and tells hob about how he’s always dreamed of meeting someone he could talk to, just like this. They both marvel at how different their lives have been, despite being about the same age. Finally, they kiss under the moonlight. Dream begs hob to leave burgess and run away with him. But hob hesitates. Dream is a penniless artist. And burgess might be old but he’s a dangerous man. Hob knows he wouldn’t just let hob go without consequences.

But does he dare? For the first time in a long time, hob is starting to hope again.

Escort Hob and soft poet Dream... oh they're a match made in heaven. I love them.

Hob wants to believe that he can have more than this life. He's tired physically, and tired of being disrespected too. It's all very well knowing that he's got food and a roof over his head, but he really doesn't feel safe. Maybe starving in a shitty flat with Dream would be the better alternative, as at least he'd feel loved. Dream keeps sending him letters with these amazing poems in them and every time, Hob feels a bit of his broken heart coming back together.

He asks politely for Burgess to accept his "resignation", but that goes about as well as you might expect. Burgess isn't prepared to let an asset like Hob get away.

The thing is, Hob grew up on the streets. He's dangerous too, even if he pretends not to be. And an old man is still an old man. Sock him in the jaw once and he'll keel right over. Hob empties the safe in the office and gets the hell out of there.

He shows up at Dream’s flat with bruised knuckles, a bag of cash, and a willingness to make it work. They really don't have time, since Hob is pretty sure he's not going to just get away with stealing from Burgess. But Dream pins Hob to the door with soft, adoring hands and kisses him until theyre both lightheaded. That night, Dream just holds him. Doesn't ask for anything more. He seems entirely happy just to have Hob in his arms.

And really Hob is still far from being safe. His future is totally uncertain. But there's Dream, and poetry, and a bag of Burgess's dirty cash. Its a start towards a better life. That's for sure.

[roseworth]

You are both an Arrowfamily and Jason Todd fan account so I thought you would be the best person to ask this but: What do you think the Arrowfamily members opinion on Jason are?

ooooh i love this question.. i think a lot of people jump straight to "they would hate him" because of his fight with mia but!!! i don't think thats entirely true!!!!! some of them would hate him but not all of them </3 i feel like the people that claim they would all hate him have a fundamental misunderstanding of the arrows and what they stand for, not to mention deliberately misconstruing what the the jason & mia fight actually was and pretending it was a lot worse than what actually happened. but thats just my opinion

ollie absolutely would hate him though lmao. he would never get over the fact that jason kidnapped, fought, & tried to blow up his daughter. no forgiveness ever. if jason HADNT fought mia though i think ollie would like him or at the very least tolerate him. ollie very clearly has no issue with murdering bad guys (as seen in ga88) and would be completely on board with anyone who goes out of his way to fuck with batman constantly <3 also in my humble opinion ollie shouldve been a cosmic mistake in countdown due to him coming back to life because parallax put him back together, which would have been hilarious and would absolutely have ended in them getting along (until jason goes through like his fifth breakdown in that book, because he would absolutely lash out at ollie after watching that one version of bruce die. but thats a whole separate tangent)

dinah also would hate him for trying to kill mia, but probably not as intensely as ollie. but even without that issue i dont think dinah would like him, mostly because hes the worst and i dont think dinah would have the patience to put up with him. she wouldnt have a huge problem with the killing (she wouldnt NOT have a problem with it but i really dont think it would be an unforgivable issue for her), but she would just think hes kind of an asshole about it and she wouldnt like him at all. i also think theres a panel somewhere where jason says that dinah told him she hates him personally?? idk ive only seen screenshots of it but i think its funny so im incorporating it into my belief system

with roy... i feel like there are so many people that see rhato and swing to the opposite side of the pendulum and say that roy would hate jason but i dont think thats true at all. im a rhato hater because that is Not Roy so we're disregarding that, but i still think they would get along tbh! given that roy is deeply in love with a serial killer i think that the people who say he would hate jason are misunderstanding who roy is. i think when theyre both in character they actually have personalities that would mesh well together and they COULD get along really well. i dont see roy having a Big Problem with jason killing people (he would try to stop him from doing it but murder wouldnt be a dealbreaker for roy) so i think its fair to say they would actually get along!!! but i bitch and complain every time they show up in the same panel because now the damage has been done from rhato so i dont want them to interact in canon. only in the secret world in my head. in regards to jason fighting mia, i dont know how to say it but,,, i dont think roy would have a huge issue with it. he certainly wouldnt be happy about it but also he wasnt there so i feel like all he would know about it was that jason kidnapped mia one time but mia was fine. honestly i think that he would be more interested in brothers in blood bc dick would def mention that jason murdered people in a nightwing costume then turned into a tentacle monster and tried to eat someone but dick forgave him anyway. and once he hears that suddenly the mia thing seems inconsequential in comparison

with connor... i cant lie im a little biased because connor is a member of my dream outlaws team but i really think they would at least kind of get along! connor is not the type of person to hold a grudge at all so once mia forgives him (which ill get into in a sec) connor wouldnt have a problem with him. he WOULD have a problem with jason killing people but he's close with eddie so clearly he doesnt have that much of an issue with working with people who have killed before as long as they dont kill in front of him. and i think that jason has a healthy respect for anyone who can beat him in a fight and because of that he would not kill anyone when hes around connor. i also think that connor and jason would never fight because connor would never throw the first punch and jason would never start a fight that he knows he cant win (but thats once again a whole separate tangent). basically i dont think they'd be besties or anything, i dont think theres a world where they'd ever even consider themselves friends. but i do think they'd get along well enough to not hate each other

okay now finally mia. kind of a controversial take but i really think she'd forgive him for kidnapping her! she absolutely would not forgive him IMMEDIATELY because it fucked her up so she would be pissed about it for a while, but also? i think she completely understood what he was trying to do. he wasnt really hurting her specifically (like yeah he hurt her but he made it a fair fight and he wasnt beating down on her or anything. she also hit him so it evens out) and he was actually trying to talk TO her and relate to her. and it was working!!! he didnt force her to do anything except fight (in a fight where he untied her and gave her her weapons), so once she got some distance from the event i think she'd forgive him. it would take a while for her to actually forgive him enough for them to actually get along, but i genuinely think they would. theyre extremely similar people and i think they would really be good friends if given the chance, but it would take a looooong time for mia to be comfortable enough to be around him enough to consider him a friend since the fight definitely fucked her up. but it is possible for them to eventually be close, and i think they could be really good friends

honorable mentions: - i dont know emiko well enough to know for sure (i havent read new52 or rebirth green arrow so i havent read much with her </3) but from what i know i think they would get along - lian would have no opinion of him whatsoever. at most she sees him as her uncle's brother. i truly dont think she'd care enough about him to form a positive or negative opinion about him - i dont like sienna so i dont want to acknowledge her but for the sake of the post. she doesnt like jason because dinah doesnt like jason and she says "i hate everyone that black canary hates <3" - cissie is not a member of the arrowfamily but she wouldnt like him because she absolutely would have an issue with any murderous vigilante given that she almost killed someone one time and had a huge breakdown, so anyone that kills people for the Greater Good and continues to do so would not sit right with her - i have absolutely no basis for this but shado would hate him for no reason. no specific beef with him about his morals or his actions, she just wouldnt like his vibes. sorry to talk about rose (no im not) but she would see rose hanging out with jason and go "im so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend im serious" - eddie and jason would get along like a housefire. there is not a doubt in my mind that they would bond instantly (ok not instantly because they both hate everyone and would probably start with trying fight each other. THEN they would bond) and it would be catastrophic for everyone involved 🫶

ok i think thats everyone. or at least everyone that matters. never forget that all my opinions are 100% correct at all times

[so-bitya]

BRO HEAR ME AOUT

After taking a short nap of almost 15 hours, I came up with an idea that is material for a fanfic scenario.

🥀Cielizzy hanahaki scenary 🥀

Lizzy who, faced with Ciel's rejections and indifference, begins to feel hurt and confused, beginning to question if she is more of a nuisance to Ciel than his beloved fiancée. And taking into account the revelation of her discovering the truth of Ciel who blatantly lied to her all this time. She realizes that Ciel does not love her and was nothing more than a fool in his eyes. (whether supernatural Magic or whatever) develops hanahaki disease, slowly getting sick, extinguishing Lizzy's happiness and sweetness

Ciel who always knew that Lizzy loves her brother and not him, Ciel who thinks that by revealing the truth Elizabeth will hate him. Ciel who, seeing that his lie was discovered, was heartbroken to see that his fear came true. Elizabeth chose to be with her brother and not HIM. Ciel who now knows that Lizzy is on her brother's side as she always should have been.

Ciel who somehow also develops hanahaki disease, Ciel who, although he was stubborn and a little stoic, still had that happy and loving side for his loved ones (thanks to Liz) Now with the illness he became more bitter and cynical, rarely showing himself to smile or be happy. Ciel who has already lost the small trace of light and happiness in his wounded heart

In this scenario, the disease does not kill them, it is just a painful ailment that always hurts the heart of the other. Both who always cough up small flowers of Myosotis when longing for each other's presence.

Both now think it was never meant to be💔🥀

(If no Cielizzy fan makes a fanfic about this then I will feel the need to try it because this idea is too good

oooh~✨ the hanahaki disease, i always liked that trope. and the forget-me-nots! is it because they don't want to forget their feelings for each other, or is it because they always want to be remembered by that person? I also like the idea of clovers since it's so symbolic of their childhood.

ohmygosh yeah, i always seen ciel and lizzy's feelings as always mutually unrequited, platonic or not. they care so much about each other, but never on the same wavelength. their self image is dependent on impressing each other, yet the two are so avoidant in confronting their feelings. theyre so pensive, so insecure whether their feelings are unrequited, that they end up believing it anyway.

and i like how you captured how they feel currently in the manga! ignoring their feelings as it chokes them, pretending they dont miss each other terribly. the story repeats over again that a narrative of love wont be fulfilled, but there's always this persisting, bittersweet connection between ciel and lizzy that they can't forget.

I don't know much about fan fiction, since im not really into it, but this was nice to read! You should definitely write it yourself! it's always fun creating for your interests, and if you think its a great idea, then go for it! and im sure any fans who see it will be excited for a new fanfic to read (*^ ^*)

[autisticdiluc]

yandere simulator ramble (mostly ab ayano)

see my thing is with yandere sim obviously there are a bunch of problems from alex himself being the developer, the panty shots in the game (because even tho it's used as blackmail with info-chan and sold to those who want it or wtv there could be a way easier way to blackmail the girls for points), the depiction that the bullies are gyaru giving the impression most gyaru's are mean/bullies, the fact that oh everyone is 18 even though they clearly arent?? amongst other things

yet even then there's something still addicting about the game especially with ayano being a yandere, or to consider: someone with obsessive love disorder (the highest 'level' or intensity of this). even then, although obviously everyone in the aishi family just has to be a yandere, it was gonna be obvious that ayano was gonna be one too right?

First Part: Emotions

ryoba fed into the mindset that ayano needed that special someone to be complete so she could finally feel something and she's 'reassuring' ayano that she, ryoba, was the same way when she was younger as well until she found jokichi. ayano, as a child, knew something was wrong with her. there is no doubt that something continues to be wrong with her especially after her own mother teaches her to get rid of blood to use it later to "get rid of future obstacles." Obstacles which refer to the rivals; rivals who are just girls that have a crush on taro (minus muja kina and mida rana because theyre just creeps i fear). even so ryoba's words lingered in ayano's mind. that was ayano's reason to live - something to look for. which btw is kinda fucked up cause she's a child thinking this but also fair anyway,,

Jokichi has attempted to make ayano's life better. he has tried to be a good father; he has tried to be the best that he can be in order to make his daughter feel normal. but with how ayano is - how she is broken from the start - it was impossible. it didn't help that ryoba encouraged the behaviour almost, saying she was exactly the same as ayano AND how she wasn't worried at all. jokichi didn't like that but ayano is nothing but an empty girl. however, what i find interesting is that she felt pity for her father. despite everything she felt pity, and that!! is an emotion!! why i find this interesting is how she can feel something for someone else but not for herself. as a result of her pity, she began to act like other children pretending to be normal and happy for jokichi, despite how she knew that he didnt really believe her happiness himself.

and then!! ayano began to pretend all the time. to stop the bullying, to fit in with everyone because it was simply more convenient even if ayano didn't really care if it happened or not. she had friends (though she didnt care about them) and she had a routine established by pretending all the time. she grew resentful of being 'broken'. as funny as that is because she was supposed to broken, yet, she felt emotions to a mild degree. resentment (some might also say bitterness) is like more complex emotion rather than your typical joy sadness etc but it's still an emotion. and ayano WANTS to feel and have emotions anyway. she craves it, ayano longs to feel, its almost painful itself because she can't experience it to a high degree. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!! as small as it is she's felt emotion: she's felt pity and bitterness and she wants and wants and thats so interesting. what's even more interesting is her length to have emotions. in her lore video, she is seen killing a cat to see if she felt something like guilty or remorse but nothing happened. this is where it (chronologcally) is seen that ayano is willing to do extreme things to see if she could feel something, so it's not a surprise when she's willing to kill her 'rivals' to keep taro.

now ayano is described as someone who has no personality, no hobbies, no true friends, nothing, just an empty husk of a person. however, when she meets taro that changes drastically. she has clearer and obvious emotions; she finally has the feelings she always wanted. although, i believe that she wouldn't react to having feelings the best especially after finding osana talking to taro etc etc. if you lived your entire life having no emotions (not any major or obvious ones anyway) until you find your someone (someone who you've been dreaming of, waiting for, needing) and all the emotions finally comes crashing down all at once,, don't you think you'd be more than a bit overwhelmed? she's been missing out on all the sensations people had since birth. she's always felt incomplete and then all of a sudden she meets taro and it fits like a missing puzzle piece finally being placed down. it was clear that taro made her feel happy, wanting love and all positive emotions. although, now that she has emotions: she's going to have to experience the 'bad' ones too. she'll experience anger, annoyance, fear, anxiety, jealousy, desperation, envy, hatred etc etc.

as soon as she sees osana talk to taro yeah you can tell she feels all the negative emotions all at once. she finally has emotions, she finally can experience what everyone else takes for granted, but osana comes in and threatens her. osana talks to taro, has a crush on him, and that sends a spike of fear and anger through ayano because ayano should not be stripped away of her newly found emotions. she needs the emotions. and as a result she needs taro because he is the one allowing her to feel this way. she's in love with the emotions. it's not love that she has for taro, not really, but she is obsessed. she has the overwhelming obsessive desire to protect and possess taro (which is literally the description of obsessive love disorder). she needs taro like how she needs air now that she's met him.

as i said like 3 paragraphs above she's going to be overwhelmed, like it or not, and whenever people are overwhelmed they tend to take an unnecessarily drastic and extreme path because when you're overwhelmed you aren't in the best mindset. ayano is still a human even if she was "broken" before. she makes mistakes and she's going to be overwhelmed by her emotions for a while especially because she feels like she's is almost dead when she's not near taro. taro is a trigger for her essentially. when he's near, the overwhelming feelings all come back. she felt dead before, now she doesn't and these feelings repeat over and over every time she's away from taro and when she goes near him again.

on another note, although ayano "has" taro currently, (in the sense she knows where he is, he's just in her reach and he's so close to being hers; the only thing stopping that is that he doesn't know completely acknowledges her, AND there are her 'rivals') she still feels broken and incomplete when not near him as mentioned. yet, this incomplete feeling hurts MORE because she knows who her someone is. im going to bring up the fact that ryoba and jokichi went to the states for a 'vacation' (to kill the journalist) without warning. i find it interesting because ayano is most likely to experience negative emotions more intensely than before. taro has brought the emotions to light so i believe she still feels them when she's not near him but it's so mild that it's barely there. despite that, there is no doubt that negative emotions are easier to feel. ayano was shown to be angry that osana has a crush on taro (and she wasn't near taro at the time) after finding out from info chan in the opening cutscene,, in fact she was at home meaning she was not close to taro at all. as i mentioned before though taro is almost like a trigger so its most likely just that. but even then the intensity of negative emotions she could feel may be easier to give into. so.... going with an idea that they are easier to give into, it's easier to feel even when not around taro. i believe the feeling of loneliness is something that is practically overtaking ayano's very mind.

ayano has always been lonely, before she met taro and after. she's been lonely in the sense that she never had been able to connect with her peers on a genuine note. lonely in the sense that jokichi only worried about her wanting her to be normal and ryoba was the opposite, not worrying at all. lonely in the sense she always felt incomplete, lonely cause she knew she wasnt normal, lonely because she needed to be fixed, lonely because nobody other than her mother and all those who suffered from the "aishi conditon" would understand her. and even though those with the "aishi condition" would understand, most have already found their someone (or killed themselves, some have been hypothesized to live even without their special someone, yet, theres no canon proof of that i think) so they werent "broken" anymore. and speaking of the those finding their someone it is highly likely that ryoba devoted more of her time to jokichi than she did to ayano. the reason i believe this is because although ryoba has jokichi, she needs him to love her as well. gonna leave it there because i can make a whole different ramble on that alone but!!! ryoba and jokichi are away in the states currently. so if ayano did feel lonely before, she's going to feel lonely in that empty house. a house too big with your own thoughts, own freedom and doing whatever the hell you want. ryoba actively encouraged ayano to do whatever she needed to do to get rid of the 'obstacles' in her life if she found her special someone. its no surprise with the eliminations you can do one of them is torturing your rivals (or even just mind breaking a random student). (On a side note Japanese houses don't typically have built in basements so ryoba had to literally custom add that)

anyway I bring forth another thing: neglect. however I'm going to go into detail with this with the second part: OLD

Second Part: Obsessive Love Disorder

Obsessive Love Disorder is something that Ayano has. Obsessive Love Disorder as said earlier is a disorder where a person feels obsessive over another person and feels the need to protect them. this isn't really looked at as an 'actual' disorder to psychologist but i couldn't give two bare fucks about that. let's break it down with SOME of the symptoms of OLD:

overwhelming attention to someone

obsessive thoughts

feeling the need to protect the person you're in love with

possessive thoughts and actions

extreme jealousy over interpersonal relationships

low self-esteem

may not take rejection lightly/easily

ignoring personal boundaries

overly controlling

being overwhelmed with emotions about a person that is disrupts your daily function

threatening the other if they leave

monitoring the others actions

blurring or crossing boundaries

anxiety

inability to tolerate time away

most if not all of these things can be easily associated to ayano's behavior. ayano stalks taro, occasionally fantasizes that he kidnaps her, dislikes all the girls who try and talk to taro, wants him all to herself, feels dead when he's not near, follows him home so she can spend more time 'protecting' him, cannot see a life without him (evidenced by 'snap' ending as when she kills him, she kills herself not long after), her first interaction with him shows her finally feeling emotions and as i said she's going to feel overwhelmed with them, anger and anxiety that a 'rival' may be able to take taro away from her, based on ryoba where she tortured jokichi i doubt that ayano would take lightly is taro tried to leave her, finally rejection results in quite literally being heartbroken AND snap so it's obviously not taken easily nor lightly etc etc

anyway!! those are some examples that relate to the symptoms now here are two of the many causes.

some of y'all (if anyone reads this actually but the group council in my head will suffice) may not like this one but number 1 is neglect.

neglect is one of those things that can be in several forms. the more common forms would be emotional neglect (AND!! physical neglect), e.g. not telling your child you're leaving to go away to take care of some 'business' until you're already gone. (even worse when the business is to kill a man but yk). with this neglect you're emotionally unavailable (and in this case also physically). to understand better emotional neglect it is when a child does not receive the stimulation and nurturing they need. ayano has not received stimulation or the necessary nurturing from ryoba because ryoba fully heartedly believes that all ayano needs is that special someone. in a sense, she is right but she was actively neglecting ayano by not helping her instead just repeating that someone will come to complete and fix her. (it must be remembered that not all neglect is intentional, but it happens anyway) as said in the example it can also be physical neglect as ryoba left a teen all by herself in a house whilst indirectly promoting the use of the basement through vague post cards and childhood lessons.

(And yes! Encouraging negative behavior is neglect because you do not care what happens to those around you!)

another form of neglect that ayano experienced was medical neglect. this form of neglect isn't as obvious but can be picked up in ayano's lore video. at the very beginning, it is stated that her first memories are that of hospitals, doctors and everything medical wise. this was most definitely jokichi's work as the best ryoba has stated on the matter was how they were similar and how ayano will find her someone to complete her. now later (but before ayano pretends) the hospital etc weren't mentioned again. it can be thought and implied that ryoba decided it was a waste to focus medically on ayano because she'll simply find her someone to cure her later. this can be thought out to be medical neglect because there could've been a small chance if ayano kept doing, if she visited more happy places there's a possibility something could've changed. even then this neglect isn't so obvious so it's easy to ignore. to add on though teaching your child how to clean up blood for not so good reasons is encouraging negative behavior and could be a contribution to her messed up mindset.

another reason would be delusional jealousy. this is inhibited by an instance or things that are false. this delusional jealousy can also make one believe someone is in love with them even if there are obvious signs that is not the case.

okay for this reason I believe the delusion itself is fostered by the fact that ayano needs taro so she believes he must need her. it's a common mindset even without OLD that if someone needs something, others must need it too making possessiveness and jealousy to form. because the game isn't complete and is likely not going to be complete in the next decade, it's hard to tell if taro would actually like ayano as a genuine person. (and I would say that it's kind of obvious that he doesn't but in game taro is a pussy? if you even stand near him for more than 5 seconds he's like "oh she's strange" "stay back get away from me!!" even when ayano isn't doing anything?? like in game I wouldn't be close enough where the pink love thing pops up and taro would still be like "get away from me!!!") but if ayano hypothetically talked to him like all of her rivals, then taro would maybe like her.

once again these two are not the only ones that can be associated with ayano but these are the only ones I wanted to discuss.

anyway ending this section to go to the next important one!! drumroll... Pacifist vs Murderer

Third Part: The Endings

this is the third part of my rant that consists of pacifist ayano vs murderer ayano which could be "Good Ending" Ayano and "Bad Ending" Ayano.

starting off with something a good bunch of yan sim fans don't actually agree on is that pacifist ayano is a completely different person than murderer ayano.

and you might be thinking "wrap it up luca,, pacifist is different than a murderer no shit"

but really it's more than that. pacifist ayano is different because she actually truly expresses her emotions when she's a pacifist. even if you gossip about the rivals or expell them where they don't show up to school anymore, ayano can be seen as a person who expresses her emotions because she's so much more than a murderer. this is even more vividly seen if you befriend the rivals. once again this is based off the two rivals that are out, osana and amai. if you decide to befriend osana and she comes to your house in the morning, there is the infamous talk where osana talks about her stalker and how she can't believe that someone could fall in love without knowing them. this, to ayano and the player itself, can be associated with ayano herself especially considering how she 'loves' taro without knowing him and has stalked him. now when ayano decides not to betray osana, giving her normal tea, it can be seen how desperate ayano is to keep taro without actually harming osana. osana may like taro, but ayano needs him. the desperation expressed through the befriend route shows the most human ayano ever. this desperation and longing for taro is carried through the same befriending route with amai (although her conversation involves jabs at having a "rival" and "eliminating" them).

the most human and realest part of ayano is when she befriends the rivals and begs them not to confess to taro. (if it isn't obvious I love the pacifist ending because I like the raw desperation and human form of ayano compared to the murderer route)

in contrast to pacifist ayano, when ayano murders the rivals, her sanity obviously decreases. unlike in game where you can giggle or go near taro to increase your sanity, it's not that easy irl.

keep in mind if ayano doesn't increase her sanity and it goes below 20% then ayano starts hallucinating and murdering those around her. even if ayano could realistically easily increase her sanity after killing a rival that is to show that ayano will only be a murderer (something the headmaster and megami saikou thinks her to be). if ayano were kill and regain her sanity quickly she is as broken as people think her to be. she is truly nothing but an empty husk who follows her mother. she may have emotions but she isn't someone you can love. she isn't someone who can be seen as a human. like ryoba, ayano would most likely follow the path that ryoba led where ayano simply kidnaps taro at the end torturing him and making him her husband. as said earlier, negative emotions are easier to form so it would be easy to give in to the pestering intrusive thoughts to kill her rivals. it's the quickest way out and it's the true emotionless thing most want her to be. being violent seems to be the easiest way out and most often people take that route, however, in the very end ayano simply follows her mother's path of decay and destruction. murderer ayano is easier to conform, though, is that the real ayano? is she someone who can't be proven not to be broken? another thing is that if ayano does go this route and she doesn't get caught, all she ends up doing is create a cycle. she continues down the path that ryoba had laid out for her since the beginning. (which honestly is the lousiest route and ending to take because people just loveee the trope of repeating the cycle)

personally I don't care much for the murderer ending but I will admit it is interesting to see how ayano spirals and ultimately decides to kill off every single one of her rivals.

the next two endings are going to be briefly the genocide ending and "snap" ending.

genocide ending is simply the ending where ayano is a murderer but instead of just applying that to just her rivals she does it to the entire school minus taro. it's the 'darkest' ending depending on how you look at it because it proves that ayano couldn't stand anyone else coming between her and taro. she needed taro all to herself and she did just that by killing every single person in the school all in the first day of the week (minus the headmaster, taro, infochan and the guidance counsellor). in this ending you can tell that ayano's sanity is completely gone by the way she says "so..i killed them all" in the cutscene that plays. ayano says it in such a manic and inhuman way its obvious that she doesn't regret it now that she can have taro all for herself. at the very end of the cutscene it pans to taro being in the basement tied up. this is where its clear that ayano follows ryoba completely (if not surpassing her in terms of violent nature and sense due to how she killed every one instead of just her rivals) to keep taro as her senpai.

and finally, snap ending. Snap ending is by far the most interesting one in terms of endings. Before ayano kills taro with the knife, when she walks to every student she kills them with her bare hands. in this ending I believe that she's more "broken" than her other endings. she's given up on this world and she's willing to take out others who get in her way (literally). the others are so terrified to the point where they can't even move, they just watch until it's their turn. ayano feels nothing but heartbreak and there's no other option but to kill taro then herself. even before she kills herself with the same knife she used to stab him, the insistence of voices saying "do it" continue to loop giving her no other option but to join taro. this ending is so interesting because it shows how ayano physically cannot live without taro and how she's willing to make sure that nobody else has him. another thing interesting about it is the trope of "if you die, I die". this trope is placed into things like Romeo and Juliet where Juliet pretends to die and Romeo kills himself to "join" her. when Juliet wakes up and finds Romeo dead she soon follows killing herself actually to join him.

anyway I think I'll stop for now cause I've been at this for hours LOL

The End (for now..)

idk I like yan sim a lot and I love ayano's character (I doubt yandere dev was smart enough to do it on purpose but whatever.) Ayano is literally my girl and I love her so much ❤️❤️ ayano is just a girl she can do many wrongs and ill support her anyway

[dustorange]

the very idea of a person self-identifying as a “commentary” content creator is sort of lame and impotent and repulsive in that theyre already like very presumptively assuming a place of discernment and intelligence and a sense of rising above the fray and above the alleged stupid dumb rote memetic imitative trend brainlessness of upper middle class like tiktok Influencer or Normie people but even in their analyses—which are often mostly or at least directionally correct—THEY ARE GUILTY OF EXACTLY THE SAME KIND OF GROUPTHINK and TRENDS, just using stretched-out academized language, e.g., every point they make criticizing “overconsumption” is the exact same, albeit vaguely correct, as every fellow like vaguely left person and it’s the exact same as every textual social media’s current majority wave of opinion. And so they’re like dialectically framing themselves in this narrative as a very thin brave cutting-edge new criticism layer OVER the like dumb sheeple overconsumers who just latch onto trends and don’t think for themselves—but that stimulus is so small and the response (criticism of the stimulus and either explicitly or implicitly That Type Of Person, usually “”normies”””) is not new at all and they’re only repeating mindlessly the tropes that have already been laundered through X The Everything App or The Atlantic consensus but it’s framed as suchhhh smart important sociological analysis and the other problem with it is that implicit in this “commentary” or in this criticism is this sense of gleefulness that they get to be on this side of the tide of criticism, such that even though they ARE right, and their explicitly stated reasons are indeed like correct and follow through, you know that these reasons really just a mask for something else, a deeper personal social resentment/jealousy, and criticism in this way, a leveling of the playing field with the acting-wrongly-by-overconsuming socialmediabrainedNormie who is perceived somehow to be higher either by virtue of wealth or because of social status/popularity or (and i think this is a very big one) because they are Happy. The act of criticism confers intellectual status; it promises status to these people who, deep down, know they shouldn’t have it. Because they’re rotten and dumb and groupthinky too, and they have the added bonus of being moralising and bandwagony after pretending to be above that! Because they don’t have the horsepower to actually organically react and form thoughts on these cultural trends—they HAVE to wait for the vocabulary to trickle down (the term overconsumption) and for the “go ahead” to be given . Which is why all of the criticism is exactly the same!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ITS ALSO TRUE THAT THE TREE SUGAR SCRUB OVERCONSUMPTION SHEIN THING IS CRAZY. But the criticism of it by certain people just rings so subtly jealous and sour and smirky and like it’s driven by lowheat simmering anger and its just like ugh i dislike you even more than the shein $300 haul people because you have a resentful vindictive wrongness of spirit that you’re trying to launder as thoughtful anticapitalist cultural analysis

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 11

welcome the the eleventh fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.  

1. Video Chats by @tomminowrites

Not long after leaving to join the Blades, Keith stops by the castleship to catch up with Voltron.

The visit was going normally, until the Red paladin lets slip that he's been video calling one of the paladins fairly regularly - unknown to rest of the team.

i LOVE this fic it makes me giggle like no other. i have this in my other collection, which is fics where lance gets teased mercilessly by the team for being a gay loser. this fic makes me laugh literally every time. fics where keith is doing his blade thing but comes back regularly to visit and theyre a family who loves each other my beloved

2.  Thinkin’ Bout You by @bleusarcelle & queerklancing

‘That was not my thought,’ Keith thinks, panic and confusion filling his chest, ‘That was not my thought, what the fu –‘

‘Dude,’ the unfamiliar voice cuts him off sharply, but Keith can hear the edge of fear lingering on its tone, ‘Dude, what the fuck –Get out!’

‘It’s my head, you get out! ’

‘No, it’s mine!’

Keith purses his lips and pokes his temple and then his cheek.

‘No, pretty sure it’s my body, my mind, and you’re a weird thing invading it.’

[Or that time Keith had a voice in his head singing and found out he had a quite unique soulmate link.]

early voltron fics my love. remembering fondly the days bleusarcelle and queerklancing dominated the klance tag lmfao. this one is sweet, fun, and it has the trope of all time in it: the phone call where someone sighs wistfully and says ‘i miss you’ and then the other person smiles and goes ‘look behind you, sweetheart’ and theyre THERE. gets me every time fr

3. so tell me darling do you wish we fall in love? by crystalklances/orphan_account

Keith is chosen to represent the Paladins for a diplomatic dinner gala. There's just one problem—he has to bring a spouse. Lucky for him, Lance is ready to play his fake fiancé.

i’ll tell you i was CRUSHED when crystalklances orphaned his account. dude i miss u every day. but thank god all his fics are still available! this one is one of my faves he ever wrote bc it has fake/pretend relationship with good communication somehow. truly art.

4. Like A Prayer by @lancesexual /orphan_account [EXLPLICIT]

"God, I'm so happy with you," Lance whispered.

Something dangerous and soft erupted in Keith's chest, threatening to consume him.

2016 FIC ELITENESS. fuck man. im so serious when i say 2016 immediately means the fic has twenty bonus points. love love love. this is soft and sweet and floundering. i love it when both of them arent sure about anything but each other

5. True Love or Something by @deerstalkerdeathfrisbee

“So that was…” “If you say painless I’m shoving you into another snowdrift.” “Okay, that’s fair. But you got a lollipop!” “That you stole from pediatrics.” “I’m a very good date.”

Lance accidentally crashes into his new neighbor in front of their mailboxes and somehow ends the night with a very attractive (and slightly concussed) date.

ive saved the best for last! i started reading this when i was a young teen (more 2016 love) and it updated steadily for years. this series redefined what love means to me. i will always have the characters in the back of my head, i will always love everything about this series and story and will hold every part of it so dear to my heart. if you have to read one series in the fandom, this one should be a top contender!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[ddarker-dreams]

chapter had me on the edge of my seat, frightened, and crying. i am tearing down my walls with the conflict of loving your writing but also wanting to bash my head in. i swearrrr i have so much to say but the ending lines made me collapse all over again.

"Pretending the red shade’s a brilliant blue instead comes easier. "

STOP STOP ITTT OH MY GOD THEYRE SO NOVEL WORTHY LOVE STORT PLEASE !!!!! YOU'VE GIVEN ME A GREAT PICTURE OF LEAR AND READER AS LOVERS AND SUCCESSFULLY GIVEN BLADE THE ROLE OF A TRUE VILLAIN!!!

i am so endeared with the relationship you've woven with reader and Lear because otherwise, the heartbreak wouldn't have impacted me so much. I've never wanted a self-insert to run away from the intended yan love interest the way I am wanting now. ITS ALL SO TRAGIC THANK YOU FOR WRITING NEXUS 😭😭 i wasn't going to read it initially bc my number is jing yuan BUT AS ALWAYS I SHOULDN'T HAVE DOUBTED YOUR WRITING. 💘💘

EEE i was happy with how that line turned out, even though it hurt to type it. n darling's lucky that blade isn't capable of reading minds because man............. if he heard that..................... 😦

originally, when i thought this would be a one-shot (rip), the ending had potential but i thought it could smack harder. if the reader doesn't care about eris or its inhabitants, they'd likely think "oh that sucks," but not much else. n darling's connection with lear felt important to inflicting maximum psychic damage. especially since it's hinted at that n darling loves lear, but has just been dancing around the fact, only to realize the truth too late. so i'm glad to know you feel the same way about their relationship's significance.

thank you so much for giving the story a chance and sharing your thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺💖

[lesbianralzarek]

//fandom wank, me being a bitch

its entirely possible that the fallout show will throw out vaultk//night to make room for vaultgh//oul, but im just gonna say preemptively that they have in no way established that as being "the true endgame as intended all along". if they make vaultgh**l canon, itll be because they pulled a reylo and slapped together something to make the fans of the most popular ship happy at the expense of everyone else who wanted character dynamics that make sense. i remember this shit with star wars too well to pretend theres no chance lucy ends up with cooper, but i also remember it too well to pretend that that would retroactively change what the clear trajectory theyve already established looks like. its 3am here, so i may be unclear in wording. what i mean is, if next season theyre calling each other cutesy pet names, its not gonna make s1 less canon

[karaoso]

was making myself sad with fic plot ideas that will never come out as a proper fic, so here, have a chunk of text of what could have been a fic

osomatsu and osoko are great drinking buddies, and they fool around often, but they both know that nothing will come out of it, because he’s not responsible at all and thats not what she wants.

oso n kara hang out one day and she bumps into them by chance. and osoko is immediately enamored by karamatsu. (in which osomatsu is bewildered because she calls him handsome and oso is like “um???? we have the same face????”) and kara is loving the attention and they flirt and oso is like, wtf ur both crazy im out

so karamatsu and osoko actually hit it off and they end up dating. and nobody really cares because “haha she must be nuts if shes going out with kara and likes it” and oso is feeling this nagging in the back of his chest and he doesn’t understand why because he didn’t feel that kind of jealousy when jushi was going out with that cute girl.

karamatsu and osoko are super cute together and even the brothers hate to admit that they dont mind seeing karamatsu happy. osoko is pretty neat, not super flashy and she cna hold her own against them.

so one day while oso is brooding on the roof, kara brings osoko back, thinking that no one is around, they decide to have sex. and osomatsu is like super pissed off because hey, wtf, i sit on that couch. he can see them from the patio window if he looks over, and he cant help but watch them, because, hey, live porn. and if he listens closely he can hear them, and his mind starts thinking that karamatsu is calling out his name and woops, kara makes eye contact with him at that moment. embarrassed that he got caught, osomatsu crawls out of sight and jacks off on the roof. (*insert infamous ""im so fucked up" shinji ikari quote here*)

after that, karamatsu hasnt really been able to look at osomatsu straight in the eyes. not that osomatsu knows why because /he/ was the one that jerked off to the sound of his brother, not that other way around.

kara's been spending less and less time at home, since he's been staying over at osoko's place. osomatsu brings up his irritation with the couple to his brothers and they're all "eh, well, what can we do about it." and to which ichi laughs and says "what, do you have feelings for kusomatsu or something" and oso is all "Wtf im not a homo, get out of here", to which ichi is like "im joking" and they all resume whatever the hell they're doing while oso kinda pretends what ichi said didnt bother him as much as it actually did.

osoko calls him out to have a drink with her one night. he meets with her, and she tells him that kara's been kinda down in the dumps lately, and she wanted to ask if he knew anyhting about it. and osomatsu gets kinda angry, like, hey, hes been over at your place lately, maybe he doesn't want to be around you and thats why he's like that. and osoko gets offended but osomatsu apologizes because he knows that's definitely not true. and she hints that maybe kara misses his older brother and osomatsu kinda snorts but his heart did something weird, might need to go to the doctors soon. so they talk about random stuff, and she kinda hints that maybe she would invite him to bed, like, with karamatsu, and like, osomatsu had never been invited to a threesome, heck yeah, lets do it.

the next time oso sees kara, theyre naked and the only thing in between them is an equally naked osoko. and you would think that since its been a while since he'd had sex (obvs he only ever did it with osoko, and never when she was with karamatsu. oso's not that big of a dickhead.) that osomatsu would actually focus on the boobies in front of him but for some reason he cant stop staring at the way karamatsus lips skim across osokos skin. and when karamatsu looks over its like hes looking straight at him, like he wants something. they never end up touching at all, despite the not so large bed and the medium sized osoko.

[colonoscopys]

if you think about it eddie is just using therapy skills by grabbing bucks boobs bc stress balls or something!! now i’m imagining bobby sitting on the counter waiting for buck to remove whatever bug is on the kitchen floor at the station nodding while buck just gives fun facts <3 but he would be so real for his fear of dolphins they are terrifying

YES I ADORE CHENFORD i am in fact using your fics to pretend theyre happy and together! but current chenford songs heartbreak anniversary (giveon) the archer (t swift) and astronaut (griff) bc all i feel is Pain

new question! what punctuation mark would everyone at the 118 be :0

bucks boobs as eddie's therapy stress balls so true!!!!!!!!!!!! if you discover other chenford fics PLEASE share. i miss them so much and listening to heartbreak anniversary the past few weeks haven't helped (AMAZING song choice there). have you listened to vertigo by griff? not necessarily chenford but i've just been listening to it on repeat lol

here are my punctation mark headcanons. no expanation needed

bobby: & (not a punctation mark i KNOW. but it fits)

eddie: ;

buck: @

hen: *

chimney: ()

[gadunkie]

american politics is incredibly easy actually.

america has worked with misinformation for years upon years, feeding their children with propaganda and only properly educating them into work drones.

america has kept all of its true malicious rot hidden from the majority of the population, and have had others tell this population that the foreign are to blame for misfortune and ugliness.

the arguments and lies are very easy to see through, the fearmongering is some ridiculous bullshit that anyone empathetic enough is able to see through even without any education.

unfortunately, not everyone cares to listen or cares to look inside themselves to see why theyre so angry.

even more unfortunate is that those who are smart enough to see through the lies instead use that ability to conjure followings online for affirmation instead of rallying against the rot.

living means to suffer for the majority of those who were born here, living means to struggle for the majority of those wishing to live here.

we have a government that quietly enacts its destruction while an uninformed populus puts its trust into its leaders, a smaller populus of people who pretend that things arent terrible, and we have so few individuals who wish to actually stop the rot.

things are terrible.

thats all it is, terrible.

things arent meant to get better naturally its the course of those who struggle and strive for peace, sacrificing it all, that bring good into this world.

the reason why we are able to see any positive outcome at all is because there are good people out there willing to change the world for the better.

but its such a small population.

how could I ask us, the ones who suffer to do the same? all we want is peace and happiness, how could I expect someone else to fix my suffering?

in order to bring good into this world you have to be willing to sacrifice everything, and not everyone can do that, we all wash ourselves in heroic fantasy escapism, watching the good fight for us, and yet what we want most isnt able to be conjured by us.

the worst thing of all is that Im typing all this to a social media platform that thrives in exactly what Im complaining about.

just to spark hope in someone else, making me a hypocrite who wishes that someone else would fix things for me.