#if i look at myself i do see someone adult
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More "Bumblebee and Optimus meeting as ✨Adults✨ but still being Father and Son" stuff I came up with, plus extra because I can't get these chuckle-fucks out of my head.
Link to my prev. post for context. incase yall missed it bc I'm not explaining myself, we're just diving right into the deep end
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Bee knows Optimus isn't one for physical affection, and he fully understands and accepts that. He doesn't want to make Optimus uncomfortable by disrespecting one of his boundaries, that's just a shit thing to do. And Bumblebee is not a shit person. But... he's also desperate. Look, being deprived of physical parental affection your whole life fucks you up something good, let Bumblebee tell you, it makes you do some odd shit just to get a taste of what you've been missing out on. And! And most of the stuff Bumblebee has done are perfectly normal things to do! Plenty of casual stuff, leaning against his chair to look at what Optimus is working on, high fives and fist bumps (Optimus rarely, if ever, does these but for Bee he'll do anything just to make him smile, see Optimus acting totally normal about his feelings what are you talking about), leaning against him for a second when he's tired, totally normal! There are, less normal things, like when one of Bee's legs nearly got torn off on a mission and Optimus had to carry him back to base and Bee curled up close in Optimus's arms the whole time- because of the pain, totally 100% definitely only the pain that was Not mostly taken care of by some field anesthetics. It felt nice to be carried like a kid, sue him.
Getting injured is a special case with giving and taking affection. For example, when Bumblebee had to drag Optimus to a med bay after he passed out from a mission. They were walking into the common room together; Optimus was telling Bee he was fine when he CLEARLY wasn't because he didn't want to wake the medics for something as Trivial as THEIR LEADER and FREIND'S HEALTH (Bee is this close to strangling him) when Optimus just pitched over onto the floor.
Optimus, clearly tried and hurt: I will be fine, there is no need to wake the medics, I just need some energ... *faceplants*
Bumblebee: What did I say? What did fragging I say?! *Hefts Optimus's limp body onto his shoulders* fragging, stupid, slagging, moron, 'I don't need a medic, I'll be fine' he says, if I had been the one doing this, you would have torn the base apart getting the medics up, fragging idiot. *drags Optimus's body out of the room*
Optimus: *Mumbles something about not wanting to bother anyone*
Bumblebee: Too fragging bad, big man, you are going to take care of yourself and you're going to like it!
So now Bee has to drag a bot much bigger than him back down the hall and into the Medbay, just because Optimus was being fucking stupid. Yes it looks as funny as you're thinking. Optimus is semi-conscious but delirious as they make their way down the halls of the base and says "I don't want to take anything that would be better served helping any of you, I care about all of you so much I don't want to see you hurt. I love you." and Bumblebee's like Optimus, I feel so loved and so angry right now, but fuck what you want you're getting taken care of. No, you did not just make my fucking day, I lOve yoU tOo dAd-. He gets Optimus into the medbay on a berth then goes to forcibly wake the medics up to calm himself down because he is seconds from crying.
Optimus eventually gets better with affection, and now Bee gets a hug whenever he asks. He has yet to come down from this high.
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Bumblebee calls Megatron his "Shit Ex-Stepfather". The entirety of team prime thinks this is hilarious. Even Optimus can't help but smile, though he tries to hide it. Someone, probably Jazz, changed Megatron's file name to "Worlds Worst Stepfather". After the war, if Megatron is still alive, he will mysteriously acquire some kind of award saying "Cybertron's #1 Worst Stepfather". He is very confused.
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If you could get Optimus drunk, he would become such a sap. Like, insufferably soft and emotional. And he would be talking about Bee damn near the whole time. He would be so annoying.
Optimus: *Drunk* Did I ever tell you about Bumbl-bee? He's, he's my boy, my bumble boy, my gold'n boy, my buzzy boy, my sweet cheese. An, he's really yellow, you'll know it's him, he looks like- he's really yellow, it's hard not to see him, but he's really really good at sneaking. Even though he's so yellow. He can sneak around so good, no one sees him. I can see him, 'cause he's my boy. He can sneak around and nooo one finds him, 'cept me, 'cause he's my boy. He can hide so good, he hid under sshockwave's chest once. Riiiight under his eye, his big purple eye. Bee's so funny, he tells such funny stories. He tells his stories better then me, they're a lot funnier. I'm not good at funny stories. He's really good at it. He's really good at lots of things. Bee's so cool. I'm so happy he's here, he's so cool and funny and nice and cool. And he fights real good too, he's so cool. he once- Bee once punched my ex once, right in the face. Riiight in the kisser, just, boosh. My ex sucks, Bee's so cool. I like him, he's my boy. An-and he taught himself how to do aaaaall the cool things he does. He didn't have anyone to teach him, he did it all by himself. All alone... I wish I met him sooner, when he was small. He says he was really cute when he was small and I want to see him small. I like him big though, he's really fun when he's big. He's- *Sobs* He's my booooy, and I love him so muuuuch.
This continues for hours. Luckily he never drinks so no has to suffer through this.
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If you thought Optimus was the Serial Adopter, you'd be wrong. It's Bumblebee. No bot is safe from his clutches. He scoops up family members like a pelican scoops fish. Optimus is barely aware of how many family members he technically has, he stopped keeping track a long time ago.
Bumblebee: *Bursting into the room dragging some bot he was on an extended mission with* OPTIMUS, I GOT ATTACHED AGAIN YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBER
Optimus: *Not looking up from his data pad* That's great, son, go put it with the rest.
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Optimus would be such a good grandparent. In the future, after the war ends, Bumblebee comes into possession of a kid; whether he finds someone and takes them under his wing or he just fucking makes one, I don't know nor care, but he gets a kid. And when he introduces them to Optimus, Optimus just fucking melts. He was already a huge softie before but he's so much worse now. He goes full grandma mode. He has snacks in his pockets (or whatever bots have) that he sneaks to the kid every time he sees them. He gives them money at random. You best believe he would destroy anything that even looked at his grandbaby wrong (Bee: Optimus, stop attacking the door. Optimus, the door just bumped them, they're fine. Dad stop, omp(rimus))
The "Bee finds a kid and both of them get attached and now are a family" is the funnier option. Because the kid knows who these guys are, they saved Cybertron. The kid's still getting used to having Bee as their guardian, so when they meet the 13th Prime: Holder of the Matrix of Leadership, Savior of Cybertron, they don't expect Dotting Grandparent Extraordinaire.
Bumblebee: and this is Optimus Prime. He's your Grandpa.
The kid : *nervous* He's my what?
Optimus: *on the verge of tears* mY grAnDbABy-
The "Bee made a kid" version is still pretty funny.
Bumblebee: *Exasperated* Optimus, give me my child back.
Optimus: *violently crying* nO, It'S mY bAbY nOW.
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Imagine, if you will, Optimus and Bumblebee sitting on a roof together, not talking, not touching, just watching the sun set. Just enjoying the silence together, maybe with some energon to go with it. Because they get it, oh they get it. Sometimes you just need to be alone with someone. That good mutual respect and love from a found family that understands you. this is why I need bee to be an adult, I need both of them to be hurting and find some comfort in each other, to find solace in each other, to be a family and to be equals, is that too much to ask?
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A list of things Bumblebee is allowed to get away with:
Interrupting Meetings to Tell Optimus Something, important or not (hi dad)
Casually touching the Usually Touch Adverse Optimus (Physical affection ftw)
Calling Optimus out on his self-sacrificial bullshit (you're going to see the medics and you're going to like it, old man)
Using the three points above to drag Optimus into the Medbay by force (Ratchet is so smug about this)
Getting Optimus to do something fun and relaxing (father son bonding time, as Bee says.)
Swearing aggressively (for everyone else it's unprofessional, for Bee its therapeutic. He stretches this excuse as far as it goes)
Making Insulting comments about others to their face (look they deserve it if the Perpetually Friendly Bumblebee is saying it)
Talking about Megatron (Usually team prime avoids talking about Megsy outside of war related convos out of respect for Optimus's history with him. Bumblebee does not give a shit, Megatron is a bitch and he's going to make his opinions known (Everyone thinks it's funny dw))
Illegal activities (this fucker street races in every universe, you think he isn't doing shit like this on the daily?)
Murder
Stealing/Sneaking snacks (he shares with Optimus)
Making jokes about Optimus being his dad (he thinks it's funny bc they're not related and they met like 6 years ago. Optimus explodes with emotion every time bc you consider me good enough to be your dad?)
Bee is a fucking menace, Optimus loves him so much.
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Misc. funny word vomit I came up with that have no context, reason, or sense
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Optimus is working at a desk focusing on some data pads. A tiny energon cube flies into frame, bouncing off Optimus's forehead and landing on the desk. Optimus grabs the cube and eats it without looking up from the datapad. A few minutes pass, another energon cube flies and bounces off Optimus's head. He eats it without looking. Bumblebee is sitting off to the side in the room with Optimus with a bag of energon snacks, periodically throwing one at the distracted Prime. This is Bee's and Ratchet's newest scheme to get Optimus to actually eat, and it's working splendidly. (Actually, Bumblebee originally was throwing the energon onto the desk, but over time he got bored and started just throwing the cubes directly at Optimus. He hasn't noticed any of the cubes hitting him at all, so Bee's started trying to do trick shots.)
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Bumblebee?"
"Absolutely, now throw me."
"Alright... Three, two, one- Ngha!"
*distant loud metal slam*
"..."
*distantly* "I'm good! We're in business!"
*quietly* "oh thank primus..."
*distantly* "Okay, I'm done. I'm coming back down."
"Wait-"
*distantly* "Hup!"
*loud crashing metal noises*
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's early morning, everyone got back to base late the night before. Everyone is tired. Optimus is sitting at the table in the common room, slowly drinking a cube of energon. His eyes are half open and bleary. Bumblebee is beside him, head in his hand, dozing. Bee's head falls from his hand and slams onto the table. Optimus doesn't even blink at the noise, just takes a sip of energon.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Bumblebee takes a lot of pictures. Mostly of his team. He's pretty sneaky about it too, usually just taking a capture from his visual feed and saving it to his personal datapad. And at a glance none of the pictures are all that special, captures of a group of bots hanging out between missions, selfies of Bee and company on missions, drunken mishaps, quiet moments, he's got this really funny one of Cliffjumper stuck in a storage closet, but Bee keeps all these photos out of sight. The others are aware of his habit but they never see most of the photos, they never ask. Bee only opens his photos folder when ever he has a quiet moment alone and just scrolls through, reminiscing. His favorites are the ones where he caught someone's genuine smile. Sometimes they're in the background of a larger group shot, or it's just them smiling at Bee in conversation. He's got a lot of Optimus's smile. Optimus doesn't smile a lot, but he always seems to smile when Bee's around. Bee's proud that he can do that for him.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
this could literally be anyone on team prime: *teasing* You playing favorites, Prime? Giving Bumblebee all this special treatment is making the rest of us feeling left out.
Optimus: You all treat him the exact same way I do.
again, literally anyone on team prime: ... Touché, Boss bot, touché...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
After spending an extended period of time in close proximity to Megatron (for what ever reason), Bumblebee and Optimus talk.
Bee: You had terrible taste in partners.
Optimus: *sighs*
Bee: Physically, I can see the appeal, but everything else is a wild thing to say yes to.
Optimus: ...
Bee: His personality, his interests- just why none of that clocked you onto how fragged up he would be is beyond me.
Optimus: ........
Bee: You're not stupid, I hope that your next partner will be leagues better than him. Ratchet maybe, oh or Elita, they would make great partners (and even better step-parents), or maybe-
Optimus: CanwePleasestoptalkingaboutmylovelife??
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Bumblebee: If you get back together with Megatron I'm disowning you.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
BB: This is... so dumb.
OP: The higher I am the better I can see.
BB: You can- You can fly.
OP: Hush now Bumblebee! I am searching...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk man, brain rot hits something different when I think about it for long periods of time
#i really hope these read well and yall can make sense of them#these were very stream of consciousness#I'm still re-learning how to draw so someone who already knows please draw Bumblebee carrying a limp Optimus#please it would be so funny#I'll take any universe please my life will be yours#Optimus is Misery. Bumblebee is CPR#can anyone tell i've lost my mind yet?#personal stuff#transformers#bumblebee#optimus prime#tf bumblebee#tf optimus prime#optimus#macadam#macaddam#maccadam
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Hi! I LOOOVE ALL YOUR STORIES!!! And I wanna ask for something I just thought: virgin Severus (not student, already being a professor but you know he would not even dare to sleep with someone after Lily's death, full celibate against his own will lol) so virgin adult Snape in a new relationship with another f!professor but she's so careful with him seeing how scared he is for all this new sexual experiences, from being shy to being scared of hurting (idk why I imagine that and think it's cute af ON HIM) also being tender, asking him what he's feeling and taking their time to process the whole act until he gets the hang of it of course ❤️❤️❤️
Title: The Love Potion
Summary: Severus reveals a truth he’s long kept hidden, allowing you to lead him through a world of intimacy. Through careful guidance, you both experience a connection that is as magical as it is transformative.
Pairing: Severus Snape × Fem! Reader
Warnings: Smut
Author's Notes: Thank you very much for your order!
Also read on Ao3
The flickering candlelight cast long shadows across Snape’s chambers, highlighting the intensity in his dark, piercing eyes as he looked at you, as if searching for any hint of ridicule. When he admitted, almost in a whisper, that he was still a virgin, your surprise must have shown. His gaze flickered away, his mask slipping into a familiar cold indifference, as though he was expecting you to mock him, dismiss him, or even turn away.
"Forget it," he muttered, his voice suddenly low and guarded, hiding behind that armor of indifference. "I’m sure you think I’m a fool now."
You quickly reached out, your hand gently covering his, the warmth of your touch pulling his attention back to you. "Severus," you whispered, your voice soft and reassuring. "There’s nothing shameful about it… I’m just surprised, that’s all." Your fingers traced soothing circles over his knuckles. "Someone as brilliant—and as handsome—as you… I just thought…"
He tensed at the compliment, his cheeks tinged with a faint flush that you’d never seen before. It softened him, made him almost vulnerable. Seeing him like this, a side of Severus Snape that no one else would believe existed, sent a thrill through you. Carefully, you lifted his hand, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles.
His breath caught as he watched you, his gaze searching, hesitant. "I never… after Lily, I never thought about… anyone else," he admitted, his voice barely a murmur. "And with you… it’s different. I find myself thinking… things I haven’t dared to in years."
A rush of warmth spread through you at his confession. You leaned forward, bringing your face close to his. "Severus," you murmured, your fingers reaching up to brush a stray lock of his dark hair back from his face. "If… if you’re ready, if you want this, I’ll be here with you. We can go as slow as you like."
He swallowed, visibly nervous, but a flicker of desire lit his gaze as he nodded. "I… want to," he whispered, his voice thick and uncertain. "But… you’ll have to… guide me. I—I've never…"
You silenced him with a soft kiss, feeling his initial tension melt away as he began to respond, hesitant at first, but growing bolder. His hands settled on your waist, his fingers trembling slightly as they rested there. You pulled him closer, letting him feel your warmth, your heartbeat.
You took his hand and guided it over your shoulder, letting him feel the bare skin beneath his fingers. He shivered, his breaths coming faster as he touched you, as if in awe of each sensation. “You’re doing perfectly, Severus,” you murmured against his lips, feeling his heartbeat quicken under your touch. "Just relax… let me show you.”
He nodded, his usual sharpness replaced by a quiet vulnerability that tugged at your heart. “Tell me what to do,” he whispered, his voice laced with both apprehension and desire, his eyes locked on yours, seeking your guidance, your assurance.
You brought his hand to the clasp of your robes, guiding his fingers over it. “Unfasten it,” you whispered, watching as he swallowed nervously, his fingers fumbling slightly before he managed to undo it. His eyes widened as the fabric slipped from your shoulders, his breath catching as he took in the sight of you, his gaze intense and hungry.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice a rough whisper as his hand slid over your skin, hesitant yet yearning. His fingers brushed lightly along your collarbone, down your arm, as though memorizing every inch.
“Yes, Severus,” you replied, guiding his hand lower, letting him feel the way your body responded to his touch. “Just keep going… just like that.”
His gaze darkened with desire, though he still held a hint of nervousness as his fingers traced over your skin, exploring tentatively. “You’re so… beautiful,” he murmured, almost as if he were speaking to himself, his voice filled with awe. His lips followed his hand, trailing soft kisses along your neck, down your shoulder, each one sending a thrill through you.
You could feel his hesitation as he watched you, still caught between the layers of insecurity and wonder. You smiled, letting your fingers trail down the dark, heavy fabric of his robes, resting on the clasp. “Let me help you with this, Severus,” you whispered, your voice gentle, reassuring.
With a flick of your wand, his robes loosened, slipping from his shoulders. He tensed at first, but the sight of your calm, steady gaze softened his resolve. As the fabric pooled around his feet, revealing his long, lean frame, you saw a faint blush color his pale cheeks. He looked away, as if unaccustomed to such vulnerability, such intimacy.
You reached out, tilting his chin gently back toward you, your eyes meeting his. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw. His dark eyes locked onto yours, searching for reassurance.
Your hands moved to the hem of his shirt, lifting it slowly, savoring the way his chest was exposed to you inch by inch. Beneath the austere fabric, his body was lean and surprisingly defined, a testament to years of discipline and restraint. He shivered as your fingers traced down his chest, his breaths coming faster, uneven.
“Have you… ever experienced a blowjob?” you asked softly, your voice carrying a hint of playful mischief.
Severus swallowed hard, his eyes wide as he shook his head. “No… is that… is that bad?”
You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his collarbone. “Oh, no,” you murmured, voice filled with reassurance, “that just means I’m going to be the first… the only one to give you that experience.” Your fingers trailed down his torso, resting just above the waistband of his trousers. “And I get the privilege of this view… of seeing you, Severus, like no one else ever has.”
He let out a shaky breath, his fingers gripping your shoulders tightly as you knelt before him. His eyes were locked on you, a mix of fear and anticipation swirling within them. “Are you… are you certain?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, tinged with vulnerability. “I’ve never… I don’t know what to do.”
You looked up at him, offering a reassuring smile. “Just relax, Severus,” you murmured, your voice filled with warmth. “Let me take care of you.”
He nodded, his hands trembling as he watched you, utterly captivated by every movement. You gently tugged his trousers down, your fingers grazing his skin, feeling his muscles tense and then relax under your touch. His reaction—so genuine, so raw—sent a thrill through you as you pressed a gentle kiss to his hip, hearing the sharp intake of his breath.
As you took him into your mouth, you felt him shudder, his hands tangling in your hair. He gasped, his voice rough and breathless. “Merlin… I never thought…” His words trailed off, replaced by a low groan as he closed his eyes, letting the sensation overwhelm him. He tried to keep quiet, but soft, ragged sounds escaped him, each one filled with wonder.
You moved slowly, savoring the way he responded to each touch, each flick of your tongue, guiding him through the pleasure. “Is… is it supposed to feel this…” His words were cut off by another shuddering breath, his hand tightening in your hair as he struggled to stay grounded.
You paused, looking up at him, your lips curling into a gentle smile. “Yes, Severus,” you whispered, “this is exactly how it’s meant to feel.”
As you continued, Severus seemed almost overwhelmed, his usual stoic demeanor melting away with each flick of your tongue, each gentle, attentive movement. His breath came in shuddering gasps, his hands clumsy and unsure as they found your shoulder, then tangled in your hair, gripping tighter as if he feared he might drift away in this unfamiliar sea of sensation. The normally composed Potions Master was unraveling under your touch, his fingers flexing, trembling, his control slipping with each passing second.
Soft curses slipped from his lips, unfiltered and raw, breaking through his usual restraint. “Bloody… Merlin, what…,” he mumbled, his deep voice ragged, tinged with disbelief and awe. Every now and then, he’d catch himself, his mouth snapping shut as if he couldn’t believe what he was saying. But as your lips slid down his length, taking him deeper, his restraint shattered. His voice, usually so composed and cold, was now thick and desperate. “Gods… yes… just like that.”
You tasted the saltiness of his pre-cum, his body betraying just how close he was to losing all control. It spurred you on, urging you to take him deeper, savoring the way he responded to every flick of your tongue, every gentle suck. He groaned, his grip tightening, his other hand reaching to steady himself on your shoulder, his fingers digging into you as he struggled to remain grounded.
“You—” He tried to form a sentence, but his words were lost in a throaty growl, his voice filled with helpless wonder. “You’re… remarkable… utterly… sinful,” he murmured, his tone rough, almost reverent. You glanced up at him, meeting his gaze, and the sight of his dark, half-lidded eyes watching you sent a thrill down your spine.
The intensity of his gaze grew as you continued, his breaths coming faster, each one a raw, guttural sound that made your heart pound. His fingers tangled tighter in your hair as he leaned his head back, surrendering to the pleasure. The sight of Severus Snape, usually so composed and guarded, completely undone before you was a sight you would never forget.
His hips jerked involuntarily as he neared his climax, and you felt his entire body tense, his hand clutching you tightly as he came, his release spilling into your mouth. You took him in fully, feeling the warmth and the weight of his climax as he shuddered, his breath catching in his throat.
Throwing your head back in ecstasy, you swallowed, savoring every taste of him, feeling a sense of satisfaction unlike anything you’d experienced before. When you looked up, he was still catching his breath, his chest heaving, his dark eyes fixed on you with a mixture of amazement and disbelief.
“Merlin… you…” he whispered, his voice barely a breath, his gaze softening as he looked down at you. The vulnerability in his eyes was something rare, something precious, and you felt your heart swell at the sight of him like this, unguarded and exposed.
You rose slowly, moving to stand beside him as he regained his composure, his gaze never leaving yours. He reached out, his hand brushing over your cheek with surprising tenderness, his fingers still trembling slightly. “I’ve… never…” He struggled to find the words, his usual eloquence lost in the aftermath of such intense intimacy. “I never imagined it could feel like that.”
You smiled, reaching up to brush a strand of hair from his face, your own heart pounding as you met his gaze. “You deserved this, Severus,” you murmured, your voice soft, reassuring. “To feel wanted… cherished… you deserve all of it.”
He looked away, his cheeks tinged with a faint blush, but his hand remained on your face, his touch gentle, lingering. “I… thank you,” he whispered, his voice filled with quiet gratitude, a vulnerability he rarely showed.
You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, feeling him relax beneath your touch, his usual sharpness softened in this rare, unguarded moment. And as you held him, you knew that this night was something that neither of you would ever forget—a night where the enigmatic, guarded Severus Snape allowed himself, for once, to be truly seen.
With a gentle smile, you took Severus’s hand and guided him to the bed, watching as he settled himself beside you, still tentative, his gaze flickering from your face to the bed as if uncertain of what lay ahead. You placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, leaning in to meet his dark, intense eyes.
“We can stop here, if you want,” you murmured, your voice soft and inviting, allowing him the choice. “There’s no rush, Severus.”
But he shook his head, a determined look settling over his features. “No,” he replied, his voice low and sure, his dark eyes meeting yours. “I want to… I want to please you, to make you feel what I just felt—if you’ll… teach me, that is.” A faint blush crept up his cheeks, and his gaze softened, a vulnerable earnestness showing through his usual guarded demeanor.
You couldn’t help but smile, warmth flooding through you at his words. “Oh, so I’m to teach the great Potions Master something new?” you teased, a playful glint in your eyes.
He grumbled under his breath, a hint of that familiar, dry wit shining through. “Must you joke about this?” he murmured, his gaze shifting away for a moment before returning to you, filled with determination.
With a reassuring smile, you rose, slipping your bra off and letting it drop to the floor, followed by your panties, allowing yourself to stand before him completely bare. His gaze lingered, captivated, his dark eyes widening, lips parting slightly as he took in the sight of you. The faint flush returned to his cheeks, and you noticed the way his body responded, his cock beginning to stir once more, reacting to the vision before him.
Slowly, you straddled his thighs, letting him feel the warmth of your body against his. His breath caught, and his hands rested hesitantly at your waist, trembling slightly. You leaned closer, guiding one of his hands to rest between your thighs, over the softness of your skin. “Follow my lead,” you murmured, your voice soothing, reassuring as you held his gaze.
With your guidance, his fingers began to explore, tentative at first. You gently led his hand, letting his fingers slide over your most sensitive spots, rubbing slow circles over your clit. His hand was large, calloused yet gentle, and under your guidance, he began to gain confidence, his movements growing steadier, more assured.
“That’s perfect, Severus,” you whispered, letting out a soft moan as his fingers pressed just right. “Just like that…”
He swallowed, his eyes never leaving yours, dark with desire and wonder. His fingers moved, tentative but increasingly skilled, following every soft instruction you gave him. As he rubbed your clit, you let out a breathy gasp, and his eyes flickered with satisfaction, a hint of pride flashing across his face.
Then, you gently guided one of his fingers inside you, showing him how to curl it just so, the way that made you shiver with pleasure. “Feel that?” you murmured, guiding his hand as he explored you, his touch growing more confident with each movement.
“It’s… incredible,” he breathed, his voice barely a whisper, filled with awe. His dark eyes were intent, focused entirely on you, as though he was determined to memorize every reaction, every shiver, every soft sound that escaped your lips.
With each movement, he grew bolder, curling his fingers inside you, pressing against that sensitive spot that made you gasp, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your body responded to his touch. He watched your reaction, his eyes darkening with desire, his lips parting as he took in the sight of you, writhing beneath his skilled fingers.
“You’re… remarkable,” he whispered, his voice a low, reverent murmur as his fingers continued to move within you, bringing you closer and closer to the edge. “So responsive… so beautiful…”
A shudder ran through you as he leaned in, pressing his lips to your neck, his hand still working you with a practiced precision that sent waves of pleasure through your body. You clung to him, feeling yourself unravel beneath his touch, your breath coming in soft, ragged gasps as he brought you closer to your climax.
“Severus… oh, Merlin…” you gasped, your fingers gripping his shoulders as his hand continued its steady, skillful movements, each stroke and curl sending you spiraling further. The way he learned, the way he responded to your every reaction, was a testament to his brilliance, his meticulous attention to detail.
As your breathing settled, you whispered, "Severus, stop." He froze immediately, his expression shifting from one of raw desire to immediate concern. His fingers withdrew, his gaze searching your face with worry. "Did I… did I hurt you?" he murmured, his voice soft and apprehensive, as if bracing himself for a truth he feared.
You shook your head quickly, reaching up to caress his cheek with a reassuring smile. "No, Severus," you breathed, feeling the weight of your own arousal pulsing through you. "I just… I want to feel you inside me. I want to cum on your cock." The words hung between you, and his face softened with understanding, a hint of vulnerability mingling with his desire. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he absorbed the intensity of your request.
You brushed a soft kiss to his cheek, letting your lips linger as you asked gently, "Would you like to be on top?" He nodded, his gaze darkening with both eagerness and a slight apprehension. The two of you shifted, moving slowly together until he hovered over you, his tall, lean figure casting a shadow over you in the dim candlelight, his piercing eyes filled with a mix of uncertainty and determination.
You watched him, feeling your own anticipation mounting as he took himself in his hand, positioning himself as you spread your legs wider for him, inviting him closer. He paused, meeting your gaze with an unspoken question. “Do you… know what to do?” you asked, your voice a quiet murmur, filled with warmth and understanding.
He nodded, glancing away briefly, a faint flush creeping up his pale cheeks. “Yes… I’ve read about it,” he admitted, his voice almost hesitant. “There were… books… illustrations, even. I know that… when two wizards connect like this, sometimes… the magic between them manifests in strange ways. Unstable at times, powerful.” His gaze flickered back to you, his dark eyes searching. “It’s… intense.”
You nodded, pulling him closer, feeling his heat against you as you whispered, “Yes, exactly. It’s a bond—an exchange of magic as well as bodies. Sometimes, it can even… explode.” His breath hitched as he pressed himself against your entrance, feeling the heat of you drawing him in. You reached up, brushing a stray lock of hair from his face as he hesitated, his voice a whisper.
“Will it… hurt?” he asked, his gaze vulnerable, revealing a hint of that nervousness beneath his composed exterior. You stroked his cheek softly, meeting his eyes with a reassuring smile.
“No, Sev,” you murmured. “For me, maybe… but for you, it won’t hurt. Just… let yourself feel it.” You pulled him closer, wrapping your legs around his waist as you encouraged him to press forward.
His gaze never left yours as he slowly began to slide inside you, his fingers tightening against your waist as he let out a shuddering breath. “Merlin… you’re… so warm,” he murmured, his voice rough with wonder and desire, as he sank deeper, inch by inch, his control unraveling with each passing second. The sensation sent a shiver through both of you, a hum of magic sparking and swirling around you, brushing against your skin like a living thing.
As he moved, finding a rhythm, you could feel his hesitation begin to melt, replaced by something raw and powerful, a hunger he had never allowed himself to feel before. His movements grew bolder, each thrust driving him deeper, filling you completely, his breath heavy as he let himself fall into the rhythm, his dark eyes intent on yours, the vulnerability fading, replaced by unrestrained desire.
"Gods… you feel… incredible,” he whispered, his voice thick, a mixture of awe and disbelief as he pressed deeper, his fingers tracing down your sides. The magic between you seemed to respond to his every movement, pulses of energy surging with each thrust, filling the room with a faint hum, crackling with intensity.
You arched against him, matching his rhythm, savoring the way he filled you, the way his body pressed so perfectly against yours, fitting together as if made to be one. His hand gripped your thigh, pulling you closer as he moved, a soft groan escaping him as he began to lose himself, his control slipping further with each passing moment.
“Severus… you’re perfect,” you whispered, gasping as you felt his thrusts grow harder, more desperate, his breaths coming faster as he buried himself deeper, the magic swirling around you, igniting with each thrust. His gaze locked onto yours, filled with a primal intensity, a fierce possessiveness that sent a thrill through you.
With each thrust, you could feel the magic building, crackling and surging, an overwhelming wave of energy rising between you both. His pace quickened, each movement more intense, more powerful, his voice a low growl as he whispered, “You’re… mine… only mine.”
“Yes, Severus,” you gasped, your fingers clutching his shoulders as you felt yourself nearing the edge, the magic between you sparking wildly, filling the room with a radiant, pulsing glow. His hands tightened on your hips as he drove into you with a desperate, hungry fervor, his face flushed, his breathing ragged.
And then, as you both reached that peak, the magic exploded, a blinding surge of energy flooding the room. Glass shattered, every fragile object in his chambers breaking as the wave of power swept through, leaving nothing untouched. You cried out, clinging to him as the energy surged through both of you, binding you together in an unbreakable, consuming bond.
When the intensity faded, you found yourself lying together, both of you breathless, bodies entwined, your skin still tingling from the lingering effects of the magic. Severus looked down at you, his expression softened, a mixture of wonder and disbelief in his gaze.
“Did… did we just…?” he whispered, his voice filled with awe, as if unable to believe the depth of what you had shared.
You smiled, reaching up to brush a hand along his cheek. “Yes, Sev,” you murmured, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingers. “That… was us.”
Severus glanced around the dimly lit bedroom, his dark eyes sweeping over the shattered remnants of glass scattered across the floor. The faint glow from the still-flickering candlelight reflected off broken pieces—a mead bottle lay in shards by the nightstand, a few cracked potion vials scattered near the bed, and fragments of other glass objects glistened in the shadows.
His lips curved into a wry smirk, and he let out a quiet, exasperated sigh. "Well," he said, his voice a low, rich murmur, "it appears I’ll have to use the Reparo spell quite liberally this evening. I do hope you’re pleased with yourself."
You couldn’t help but laugh softly, snuggling closer into his embrace, feeling the warmth of his lean, solid frame against yours. His sarcasm only endeared him to you further, especially in this vulnerable, unguarded moment. “Oh, I am,” you replied, your voice filled with teasing satisfaction as you looked up at him. “And I think you are too, even if you’re too stubborn to admit it.”
A faint blush crept up his pale cheeks, barely visible in the candlelight, and he quickly looked away, as if the sight of you, so close and so content, was too much to take in. “That’s… hardly the point,” he muttered, trying to keep his usual cold indifference, though it softened with every second he spent with you.
You traced a gentle finger along his jawline, feeling the slight stubble beneath your touch, savoring the rare, unguarded look in his eyes as he met your gaze. “Severus, I think it’s exactly the point,” you murmured, brushing a soft kiss against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin. “I’ve never seen you so… carefree.”
He scoffed, though his tone held none of its usual harshness. “Carefree is hardly a word one would use to describe me,” he replied dryly, though the faint hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “But perhaps, just this once, I can allow it.”
You smiled, pressing yourself closer to him, letting your head rest against his chest as his arm wrapped around you, holding you gently. “I think I quite like this version of you, Severus. The one who lets himself relax… who lets himself be cared for.”
His fingers traced absent patterns along your shoulder, his other hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as he looked down at you, his piercing dark eyes softening, filled with a warmth he so rarely showed. “Only for you,” he murmured, his deep voice quiet and steady, a confession wrapped in simplicity. “You’re the only one who’s ever seen me like this… the only one who’s ever truly cared to.”
You reached up, cupping his face, your thumb grazing over his sharp cheekbone as you took in the rare vulnerability in his expression. “I’ll always care, Severus,” you whispered, meeting his gaze with all the sincerity you felt. “And I think, perhaps, you’re worth more than even you realize.”
A faint smile touched his lips, and for a moment, he allowed himself to bask in the comfort of your touch, the warmth of your words. “Perhaps,” he murmured, his voice filled with a quiet wonder as he looked down at you, almost as if he couldn’t quite believe this moment was real. “Perhaps I am.”
The chalk squeaked under your hand as you wrote on the board, the words of today’s History of Magic lesson taking shape in neat, tidy letters. You’d always preferred doing things by hand rather than relying on magic for every little task, a habit most of your students found a bit old-fashioned but charming. As you worked, the low murmur of conversation floated around the classroom, a hum you usually silenced with a single glance. However, today, you found yourself allowing the chatter to continue, as it seemed to be centered around a rather intriguing subject.
“Did you hear about Snape today?” a Gryffindor whispered to his friend, a mixture of disbelief and excitement in his tone. “He didn’t take a single point from Martin after he melted his cauldron in Potions! Just told him to be more careful next time.”
“What?” another Hufflepuff gasped, turning wide-eyed to her neighbor. “Snape didn’t yell at him? Are you sure we’re talking about the same Snape?”
“Positive,” the Gryffindor replied, nodding eagerly. “He just seemed… relaxed, almost like he didn’t care. The whole class was holding their breath, waiting for him to start docking points, but he didn’t.”
The gossip spread quickly, whispers of Snape’s newfound calm weaving through the classroom like a spell. You felt a smirk tugging at the corners of your lips as you continued writing on the board, your face carefully turned away from the students to hide your amusement. So, all it took to soften Severus’s edges was a little bit of intimacy, was it?
“Well, maybe he’s in a good mood for once,” one of the Hufflepuffs muttered. “But still… this is Snape we’re talking about. Something must have happened to make him this way.”
“Think he’s sick?” a Gryffindor asked, her voice laced with genuine concern, as though the idea of a kinder Snape had unsettled her deeply.
Biting your lip to keep from laughing, you continued to jot down the day’s topic, hiding your amusement behind a pretense of focus. If only they knew the truth. You had spent the night unraveling those tense lines of Severus’s, peeling back layer after layer of the man he kept hidden from the world. Beneath his cool exterior, you’d found passion, vulnerability, and an intense desire to be seen for who he truly was. And now, it seemed, a few traces of that newfound peace had followed him into the daylight.
Another Gryffindor chimed in, her tone hushed but filled with amazement. “Do you think it could be… love?” she whispered, her eyes wide, as if such a notion were almost too fantastical to believe.
“Love? For Snape?” her friend snickered, rolling his eyes. “Please. Snape doesn’t have time for things like love.”
You turned back to the class, raising a brow as you caught their startled expressions. “If you’re quite done discussing Professor Snape’s private life, we do have a lesson to cover,” you said, your tone light but pointed. The students quickly quieted, a few exchanging sheepish glances, though one or two looked as if they still weren’t quite over the shock of Snape’s unusual behavior.
As you resumed the lesson, your thoughts drifted, replaying fragments of last night: Severus’s tentative touch, his whispered confessions, the way he’d looked at you with such awe and vulnerability. It was hard to reconcile that tender, exposed version of him with the intimidating Potions Master your students were so accustomed to.
In your mind, you could almost hear Severus’s low, velvety voice, laced with that familiar sarcasm. “I suppose this new softness is all thanks to you, then?” he might have murmured, his eyes narrowing as he gave you one of his dry, unimpressed looks. The thought made you smile, knowing that you held a secret version of Severus that no one else would ever see, a version hidden behind his usual cold mask.
You moved to the side of the classroom, letting the students dive into their assigned readings. As you glanced out the window, your mind wandered back to Severus’s chambers, to the way his guard had melted away in the dim candlelight. You wondered if he realized just how much he’d allowed himself to let go, even if just for a night.
Well, Severus Snape, you thought with a quiet chuckle, it seems you’ll just have to get used to the idea that you, too, are deserving of softness.
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I'd like to imagine that my f/os find my voice cracks cute <33
#☆ bon bon talks#I'm 20+ y/o and i still have??? so many voice cracks????#sounds like I'm going trough puberty lmao#WAIT IS THIS ANOTHER REASON PEOPLE MISTAKE ME AS A TEENAGER#I'm still so confused at how though 🫠#if i look at myself i do see someone adult#might be bias ig?
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"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die
#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf#because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game...#to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series#anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know.#well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years#fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself#but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary#and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS#so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it!#anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post#MY POINT HERE. my point here#IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY#its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again#and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w#she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all#and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations)#so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭#my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only#anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level#and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game.#this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change#anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat!#imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level#I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post#anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today#scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died#muffin mumbles
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(Remaking this post cause I realized I didn't want to reblog from these kinds of people even when I'm reacting to them but I think some context is necessary).
It's always dispiriting to see things like this. And to see, imo, obvious nonsense get so much attention, more attention than fanartists that are not only talented but genuinely kind.
And I know I could ignore this and that I'm giving it more attention. But for my own peace of mind I wanted to add some important amendments :
Be as weird as you want about Skully. Yana Toboso and the TWST developers want you to (so you'll spend money but still...)
If you're a weirdo the game was made for you. Enjoy it however you want.
The game and developers are weird about their own characters (they knew what they were doing especially with the Union Birthday card groovies).
He's a bunch of pixels programmed to be set at an semi-arbitrary number that was chosen cause it made sense for the story, not because he's supposed to represent a person. It's like sleeping with an inflatable doll that was only made a year ago. It's a doll, how long it's been in existence doesn't matter. A very obvious not real character is not comparable to or representative of a person.
Again, he's not real, his "age" doesn't matter because he's an object, and fiction is not a 1:1 reflection of reality. If someone likes him it doesn't mean they'll prey on an actual teen. The chances of there being a correlation are really small. People who assume it does and try to stop people from liking a character; that says more about you than what liking Skully says about the person who likes him. It's like someone finding a chip that looks like a person and then someone else eats it. You're not going to call that person a cannibal and assume they want to eat people, this is the same thing. It's not comparable to a sexual predator. Seriously, why are y'all obsessed with predators, why is it always on your mind? Y'all keep bringing them up in situations that had nothing to do with them, making things about them and seeing them everywhere, and assuming everyone you meet that isn't a clone of you is one. Why is this always the first place your mind goes to? If y'all saw someone reacting the same way about murderers you'd realize they need some help so why are y'all so lacking in self-awareness?
The fact that people were simping for him before his "age reveal" and after it should have driven home the fact that it's simply that people like how this object looks and is programmed to behave, not how long it's been manufactured. Also his voice actor is an adult, so it's more like an adult acting like a younger person, i.e. this is more like a form of age play between consenting adults than a sign that people want to prey on teens (of course if antis looked at things that way then they'd have to face the realization that they are not the valiant heroes they think they are so they won't).
This attitude is what kills fandoms and makes creators not want their stuff to leave their country. It wouldn't surprise me if TWST one day shuts down because of all these antis.
And considering every anti I've come across liked something that does the very same things they claim to hate, are made by people who support the fiction they claim to hate, or like the very things that they claim to hate, I just can't make myself believe they really care about morals or being good people. At this point I genuinely believe antis are either just looking for attention or need professional help but are unwilling to admit it. Or they want to hurt people. But really, why this unhealthy obsession with sexual predators and finding them?? Especially when the people and organizations whose job it is to find actual predators have asked them to stop reporting this stuff because it doesn't count. The line should be drawn when real giving beings are getting hurt. No one is getting hurt by this no matter how much antis like to roleplay victims. Let people have their harmless innocent fun.
#vent post#long vent#proshipper#proshipper safe#proshippers are welcome#proshipping#proship#short vent#antis why do y'all like things made by Yana Toboso?#if she was involved in this stuff she would very obviously call herself a proshipper#her works always include the stuff you are supposedly against#she's the person your supposedly standing up against#it's also disheartening to see people agree with this despite liking things that others often try to censor#not surprised that most of the people agreeing with this are teens though the younger generation is not as okay as they should be imo#i wonder where they're forcefully being taught this rhetoric though#i hope they grow out of it before they harm themselves more because this behavior isn't healthy#though i did sadly see some adults agree with this#i've never been an anti cause i luckily had no one around to teach me to be one#but i used to be very negative#looking down on others so i would feel better about myself while also worrying about how they saw me and wanting to look so cool to them#always angry at the smallest things assuming the worst about people and situations#trying to fit this image of adulthood that didn't align with my interests#it damaged me and i'm still trying to pick up the pieces#still struggling sometimes to not be that person anymore#also i saw someone reblog op multiple times in a small timeframe#i hope that was a glitch that they didn't see or forgot about#cause if it wasn't that means that these people are ignoring an obvious cry for help#shoutout to the one oasis of reason in that desert devoid of common sense and sane people
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I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
#yes yes i know adult life leaves little room for spending time with people who you care about & even if we have time we're burnt out#but my whole adult life has been white-knuckled clinging to relationships or people that barely if ever send that energy back#as soon as theyre onto the next person that will entertain them. as soon as theyve found something to fill the time that i usually take up#as soon as theyve gotten all they wanted from me emotionally. as soon as its inconvient to see me. almost as soon as theyre bored#then suddenly its me waiting for a text. waiting for a day to hang out. hearing over and over again that yet another thing is more importan#than me. and i get it. life happens. schools important. work is important. rest is important. but at the point im at in my life#im looking for people who actually make an effort not just give months and months of excuses as to why they suddenly cant hang out#im a pushover. im easy-going. im a very understanding person. i get it bc theres also very few days per week that im free to socialize#but i cant keep letting myself act subservient to everyone else in my life. i always put my friends & potential friends so high on pedestal#i treat them & their time as precious. now i refuse to let someone do anything but the same for me. my time/energy/love is just as precious#i dont deserve only a text when you need something from me or just to act as a treat to tide me over until the next transgression#and i certainly am NOT going to be the person that you can stand-up and then expect to still answer your text. not anymore.#in prioritizing my mental health lately ive realized that this pattern HAS TO STOP. i cant allow myself to continue the same harmful cycles#i deserve better. i need better. i WANT BETTER#emma vents#vent tag#healing tag
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.
#a little bit of a happy rant... (can rants be happy? if not i don't know the word then lol)#a while ago when i was deep diving into autism research because i'm 98% sure i'm autistic#i told my mom this and i also told her i wanted to go see a psychiatrist to get diagnosed#bad idea cause my mom is the type of person who thinks ''everyone is a little autistic'' which is stupid but anyways she didn't believe me#she thinks putting labels on things is bad and we shouldn't do it#but this is not a fun label... this is an actual diagnosis!!#i digress. the point is that i stoped talking about it because i don't have the energy or desire to try to convince my mother#that i know what goes on inside my brain.#but my brother! My brother is a sweetheart#he seems like he doesn't give a shit about anything but every now and then he will drop the cutest most affirming comments#(he did that when i came out as trans too)#i'm sure my brother has adhd if not autism or possibly both so maybe he has looked it up before or at least understands it better#but like for christmas he wanted to get me a weighted blanket because i'm always talking about how i need preassure and weight on me#and also that i like rocking myself to sleep (i need one of those automatic rocking chairs for babies but like adult size)#anyways he aknowledges (let's pretend i can spell that word) what i said and my suspicions of autism#today the noise of a tiny bit of air escaping from a badly close bottle lid was annoying me#i wasn't in the room i may add#when i complained my mom was like ''damn! that hearing!'' or somthing like that#and my brother. very casually said ''it's the autism'' which made me so fucking happy that is the first time someone fucking believes me!#but then my mom went ''naaah there's no autism here'' (or somthing amongst those lines) which took my excitement aways#but anyways i love my brother and his casual support <3#angel talks#personal
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I will never have friends like the friends I had in secondary school ever again. And in some ways this is a good thing
#i had quite a lot of friends back then actually. see what happened was; i wasn’t popular at all#i was a colossal loser. people used to straight up ignore me and laugh at me and push me around#BUT i rounded up all the other losers and made a big loser group#it was me; freakishly tall and lanky and ambiguously queer and neurodivergent; All The Other Closeted Queer Kids; a lot of neurodivergents#sad boys and weird girls and the horse girl and a girl who smelled bad all the time for no reason; and the goth kids#and the troubled teens who smoked and swore at teachers and skipped pe#i had my own relatively close group of 6 or 7 people who i would eat lunch with but there’d always be random extra people joining#i was lucky if i could sit at my own lunch table sometimes. i was like. not to toot my own horn or anything; but if i hadn’t found three#quarters of this contingent crying on random benches none of you would even know each other. let me sit down#i really did create a crying club and i’m not ashamed about it. i’d do it again#anyway i lost touch with the vast majority of them the second i left school and in some ways i think it’s for the best#looking at how people are now.. i mean….. they’ve become disney adults for god’s sake#there was constant drama; people were manipulative; someone joined an mlm……..#i do kind of miss having a group that big though. i literally have 2.5 friends now lol#it was kind of nice being able to plop myself down at a table of troubled losers and air my problems and get 8 equally insane opinions#but it’s like.. if i try to rekindle this; who am i contacting? the hp adult? the disney adult? the scentsy rep? the person who#singlehandedly started a civil war at a gsa? a man who i’m pretty sure is a serial killer in the making????#there are some very good reasons those friendships fell apart and most of them are we were not good to or FOR each other#partly because our frontal lobes had not yet formed and partly because we didn’t actually have anything in common#besides all being dysfunctional in various ways#and also having to spend 7 hours a day 5 days a week at the same place#good god it was fun sometimes though.#anyway if anyone wants to start a crying club with me hmu lol#personal
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giving myself a break from writing tonight and by that i mean latching onto a completely different thing for my sleep-deprivation and potential anemia to get a little silly over in a rip-apart-with-my-teeth kind of way
#i am. fine.#anyway. i watched a few recap videos in case my little cousins wanted to see the f.naf movie and needed an adult#literally all i cared about prior was the gator so i had essentially no knowledge outside of this southern mini golf mascot existing#honestly. i still only care about the gator.#which is why i'm letting myself go full conspiracy board trying to sort out a timeline of events for the thing he may or may not have done#frankly. i think the obvious answer is boring.#and i watched someone play security br.each once and just. did not assume it was meant to be that easy.#i automatically assumed the timeline was not that straightforward. which i guess is not what we were supposed to do.#i can't look at another reddit post or watch another youtube video. i'm doing it myself. this is for my own peace of mind.
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I looked at how much according to experts I can spend on housing a month and omg I can afford nothing with my current job. 😂 Like I knew I couldn’t, but just how little I can actually afford at this job is pathetic.
#mumblings about work#mumblings#I've known that getting a job that is full time and pays well is highly important#but damn the actual peanuts I'm paid is pretty bad once you chop out rent#my aunt and uncle are going to charge me less than the expert amount but it's still more than I expected#and since my health insurance i foot the bill for myself is so expensive#that's essentially half my pay check just for rent to my aunt and uncle and my health insurance this year#which really that shouldn't be right...I mean it's a little less than half but by like a razors edge that#I'm just looking at my dream of moving downtown with a little sad face and looking at jobs with a someone please pay me a lot more money#I mean my salary is essentially unlivable which I knew but also like well damn#I could ask for a raise but that feels dangerous atm because we literally just laid off like 13% of the company#and I don't want to have no job and then now suddenly I'm eating into my saved downpayment#adulting sucks y'all I just want roots#I also planned next month to go downtown and explore#and then a friend I haven't seen in like 5 years (omg) was like hey road trip?#so now she's coming to visit later in the month and we're going to stay downtown so I can explore neighborhoods again#and I'm like well huh what do I want to do for my birthday then?#because the idea of paying for places downtown twice in one month does not sound like fun#Still want to go downtown and see people#but I've got to think about it a little more#My aunt asked me what I wanted to do and I'm like uhhhhh#because she asked if I wanted to go to the place I was supposed to go with dad and I'm like#well first off they're closed till spring and second off how expensive is this going to be?#Like I don't think she realizes that I was starting to feel a little stable and then throwing rent at me (which is a fair thing to do)#is just like whelp now I've got to decide what's worth doing financially and what's not#and I'm going to lean towards doing nothing to save money#which is my go to#I had planned to go visit friends this year but since I want to move out asap it's kind of let's find a new job and save up so I can move#which means not going to hawaii or seattle or new york#and frowning at the idea of going downtown even
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okay. i am going to continue being stupid. and lowkey embarrassing. and a big stupid fucking idiot. i don’t know what’s wrong w me just ignore me forever okay? okay <3
#why why why why why why why why#i don’t even know what to say anymore my brain is going one thousand miles per hour and it’s all STUPID !!!!#why am i lowkey 24 years old a grown ass adult with literally the stupidest circumstantial crush rn#i don’t even wanna admit that’s what it is cause like. girl. why am i the worlds biggest idiot#i want to bash my head into a wall i don’t even know his name! i never spoke to the man! i know nothing! about him!!#im usually rlly good about not letting myself get all worked up over ppl i find attractive#but for some reason this feels out of my control. i’m trying to just like. get over it. but my brain just won’t stop being so FUCKING#stupid and it’s SO embarrassing!!#what i’m about to say is especially embarrassing to admit but like. idk what to do idk why this happening#i keep catching myself like. daydreaming abt what it would be like 2 hold his hand or give him a hug#i just wanna wrap my arms around his neck and feel his hands on my waist and i dont!! know where this is coming from!!!!!!!!#i wish i could spray my brain with a water bottle every time this happens because frankly this is just getting ridiculous#we are not gonna marry the man! we never spoke to him! we’re never going to see him again for the rest of our lives okay!!#get it together dumbass. so we saw a beautiful boy at a wedding reception and became enamored with his mannerisms so what who cares#it doesn’t matter u know! so what if it was attractive how he sat with his leg propped up while he looked at his camera#or how u caught him buttoning and unbuttoning his little jacket over and over. or the way he leaned against the wall to watch the crowd#or his stupid dumb cute lil smile or how the few times you accidentally made eye contact w him ur heart went all pap pap and shit#it was just a fleeting moment! who gives a shit!! get over it!!#god. it’s especially embarrassing cause i’m here obsessed w the man still desperately wishing i could talk to him and idk learn everything#about him. and i know damn well to him i was just some creepy girl who wouldn’t stop staring at him. he probably thinks im like. plotting#his death or something. i’m not. but i should probably plot my own if i don’t get over this soon#idk idk idk i literally don’t know why this is happening!#we’ve seen hot ppl before why is this different! god!!!!!!!#i haven’t felt this way abt someone in such a long time#and it’s just frustrating knowing just how stupid i am sitting here like this#cause i know he doesn’t care. he doesn’t know me. and that’s fine! idk why my brain is doing this!#whats wrong w me genuinely. i can’t control what’s happening is so fucking weird#i truly feel like im going insane i can’t make sense of why this is happening to me#stupid stupid stupid stupid SO embarrassing idk idk#snow.txt
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i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
#funny stories#dating#dating fiascos#minions#the minion incident#anecdotes#fuck shrek#and fuck shrek 2#like its the best in the shrek series but that movie is basically my trigger now
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So in recent personal developments I've realized that I have like clinical levels of anxiety lmao
#gjsjdjs i was texting my bestie who happens to be in the mental health field abt it#and they were like ''buddy i couldve told you that like back in 2018 lol'' sskfkfk ok yes in hindsight i see it but im not very self aware#i wasnt raised to pay attention to mental health and ive spent the last 20 years of my life squashing my emotions#was reflecting on that & looking back through personal posts on my other blog it goes back year of me talking about being anxious#so ive realized its to the point where the last couple of months im just constantly anxious#anxious when i wake up anxious when i go to sleep anxious when im with friends anxious when im at work#after reading two years worth of anxiety posts this morning i was like. ah. thats what that is#my coworker asked me like a month ago if i feel like im an anxious person & i was like 'no i wouldnt say i am. sometimes but not often'#like bitch you are a liarrrrrr lmao i should genuinely be medicated for it in hindsight#thats probably why im constantly anxious especially with this whole dating thing. its 20+ years of repressed stress & anxiety boiling over#how fun. welp. thats another thing to add to my adult things to-do list. time to find someone to diagnose me & get me on anti-anxiety meds#yayyyyyy i hate having to constantly fix stuff about myself. im tired of realizing things lol#anywho. that explains a lot over the last several months lol#my thoughts
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A quick, sloppy little comic about Magritte
[OC's]
(image description under the cut)
[Image Description: It's a vertical comic strip of 14 panels arranged one under the other. The style is realistic, done with sketchy lines in a dark burgundy. It is not colored or shaded and there is no background. The comic features the interactions of a couple, Magritte (also called Margie) and Rafael (also called Raf). Magritte is a young woman, she is wearing a baggy armhole tank top with a tight fitting black top underneath, shorts and boots. She has a messy bun and a small messenger bag slung over her left shoulder. Rafael is her partner, wearing baggy pants, sneakers, fingerless gloves, V-neck t-shirt and an open button-up jacket with a hoodie and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair has short side with long top bangs and a short goatee.
(First panel): There's only Magritte visible from the waist up. Off screen, Raf says to someone else: “Magritte has our tickets.” Magritte is excited, looking straight forward. Her left hand in on her bag's strap, her right hand rummaging inside her bag. Magritte says: "Yeah! Even made sure to put them in my wallet so that I wouldn't- uh..."
(Second panel): She is beginning to look concerned, now with her face turned to her back, both left hand holding the lip to open the bag wider and her right hand still rummaging inside. Magritte says: "wouldn't forget.... Hang on, it's not on it's usual pocket. Haha." The last is a nervous laughter.
(Third panel): Magritte is kneeling on the ground. Rafael is standing to the side and behind her, only his feet visible. Magritte looks frantic, searching inside her bag. Her right arm is forearm deep digging in her bag. Magritte says: "It's definitely here-! It's the one thing I never forget 'cus I never take it out of my bag!" Rafael says, firmly: "Margie, when you took it out to put the tickets in, did you put the wallet back in the bag?" The letters are bolded, with the word "back" underlined for emphasis. Magritte says: "Give me some credit, there's no way I'm that stupid." The last three words are underlined for emphasis.
(Fourth panel): The scene has changed and now Magritte and Rafael are in a car. We see them from the passenger's side. Rafael is driving, looking straight ahead at the road. Magritte is hunched forward, hugging herself with the left hand. Her right hand is holding her head. She is looking out the passenger window, avoiding Raf.
(Fifth panel): Rafael turns slightly to look at Magritte.
(Sixth panel): The point of view is now a side profile view from the drivers side. Rafael has his left arm leaning on the open window, his right hand on the wheel. Magritte is hunched over facing the passenger window. Rafael says: "I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're worried about." Magritte says: "I can literally feel your disappointment."
(Seventh panel): Back to the passengers side, Rafael is looking at the road. Magritte is frustrated, no longer leaning her head against her right hand and instead her hand is palm upwards. Rafael says: "Well, yes. It is a disappointing situation, but-" Magritte interrupts: "You'd think I'd be able to do the one thing I was asked to do-! That I'd at least learn from the last billion times I forgot shit. Rafael says, quieter: “that's not where I was going with this...”
(Eighth panel): Magritte has her right hand holding her face with the palm on her cheek, left hand placing the tips of her fingers on her left temple and eye brows. She is frustrated and angry. Magritte says: "It's not like I've got anything more important rattling around in my brain. But, for some reason, if it's not my music, or like.... food or something, then it's just not a priority. I can't make myself care enough to make it a priority!"
(Ninth panel): She now has both hands in front of her, elbows bent, finger extended in a vague hand gesture as if there was something in front of her. Magritte says: "I'm an adult in my 20s and I still manage my responsibilities like a child. I'd be more dependable if I could just stop and think for a second, but I'd probably forget to even breathe if it weren't for the..."
(Tenth panel): Her frustrated expression turned to confusion. Her hands are still in the air in the same position as before. Magritte says:"... why are we parked?" Her noticing this stopped her rant.
(Eleventh panel): Magritte straightens up and faces the window entirely, left hand crossed over her body to lean on the car door. Rafael, off screen: "Margie." Magritte says: "Oh." Magritte's inner thoughts are written around her. "He stopped the car to scold me. No, not ‘scold’. Don't be a child about this. He's disappointed and just needs to make sure you understand so you can do better next ti-"
(Twelfth panel): Magritte is still looking out the window, but now with a shocked expression. Rafael reached with his right hand, and its now resting gently on her upper back. Rafael interrupts her inner monologue with "I need you to stop repeating the shit your parents and teachers and such yelled at you growing up. They were wrong, and nothing you just said makes sense."
(Thirteenth panel): The perspective switches back to the driver's side profile. Rafael says: "A poor memory isn't synonymous with poor priorities. Nor does it speak to a lack of maturity. The priority was there, we just have to build a better habit of checking things before we leave the apartment. Both of us. It's gonna take time. You afford everyone else a ton of patience, all the time. Can you please afford some for yourself? The situation sucks, we were both looking forward to this. But it's not the end of the world. We didn't forget things on purpose. So let's take it easy and try to end the day on a good note. Alright?" Magritte says: "Okay... c-can we um...."
(Fourteenth panel): Magritte has turned to face Rafael and her eyes are filled with tears and they're running down her cheeks. Rafael looks startled, lifting his arm off Magritte's back. Magritte says: "Can we get some ice cream on the way back?" Rafael says: "O-of course!" End of description.]
This description was written and provided by Hiwi.
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i thought reddit were more down to earth, no!, this is not being down to earth, they are just rude...just rude!/jerks!, it-was-only-supposed-to-be a text saying that the pak mei form should have on Nintendo switch.........i have a fucking fuss/fighting magnet for some fuckin reason on this shit💢🔥 anything I say on this shit site appears a bunch of motherfuckers to disagree or complain about something, trying to be the known at alls, don't mess with me, that i don't mess with you, if you gonna bite/come to me with bad heart shitty comments, i will bite you too(and i will bite HARD), don't try me, i not in my best state of spirit🔥💢, you so coward and dumbass that you need a bunch dumbass homies like you to defend your shitty behaviour/comments so you feel right/in power, whata hell, i just do/write things on my own little way if don't like/don't have patient to read it, FUCK YOU!, so you not the person to read this, it makes me feel sad how such a cool game like sifu attract such motherfuckers(come on ana i already know/notice that since the moment that the game released (february 2022), don't get so surprised, gamers/fight game community is shitty), stop, stop, stop with this, i used to thought the same thing with lis2 on 2020/weird diazcest and extremist anti phase, i shouldn't take this things from heart, shitty people will always exist on things that you like(it's not the things fault, don't blame them, Ana)
#reflection#reddit#Bunch motherfuckers that play the victim/act to be better than others#*it's so immature to not do forgiveness* it's not me the one that it was trying too hard to impose a belief on...#Someone that just simply don't believe It/won't change their mind i respectfully disagreeing and you still trying who is the true immature?#Talk about forgiveness/forgive in the game is easy(s1fu is just a fuckin game) i want to see do it on real life🔥#Bunch of 20s years old motherfuckers dudes who think are better than others just because they are adults playing videogames#God forbid if those motherfuckers know that i'm a woman the misogyn skin would release(i think they think i'm a dude cuz of the way i talk)#God that person was the ONLY person that it was nice to me/say something cool/that added something(I was kinda Lucky)...#And i not even know if i can rely much on that too but they were nice#I don't wanna use/look at this shit ever again even the nice post i don't to see it anymore💧(but was still cool/Nice)#What happened on reddit stays/dies on reddit!#Reddit people are shitty and annoying and judge you for anything and when you defend yourself they play the victim and dislikes your post#A BIG FUCK YOU RIGHT IN YOUR ASS🖕🖕🔥💢#Fuck you too project of wannabe the mature person#People literally come to MINE! post being some bitchy-ass motherfuckers and i'm the disrespectful one *FUCK-YOU i'm done*(like ep 4 sean)#Only marina to save me open up to her changes everything(she makes me better)#(sigh)i'm okay i just venting I Will get over all of it i'm fine 😓💨 i just expressing this to be a reminder to myself and...#Maybe other people can relate too#Never will touch this hellish thing again#Fuck pak mei form or others people interaction#At least on my place/blog i can ramble/write my big texts in peace without no motherfucker complaining about it in my fuckin face...#and tries to make this mine problem(*bro* is your own problem if you can't handle my Crazy style of writing not mine)#I still want/wanted the pak mei form💧
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my therapist agrees with me that i need more than 1 hr of therapy a week :\
#also realized that im doing worse than i was when i saw her last in december#she asked me about self-harm and i was able to honestly say that it's been about a month so i guess that's improvement#she thinks i need to go back up to at least iop#idk what to do though because i was discharged from iop on dec 29 and they thought i was ready even though i didn't feel ready#but i think a large part of that being my discharge date is because i left for a trip on jan 2#i liked the program i was in and i liked my doctor (who i am now seeing outpatient once a month) but i was in that program for a long time#so maybe i need to be looking into other programs. that one was close to home and a young adult program which i liked#it feels kinda shitty to have to go back up to a higher level of care yet again#but at least i dont need inpatient and tbh if i dont get the help i need now then probably will end up needing inpatient again#i have work tonight and i dont feel like i can do it. i dont feel like i can hold myself together for that long let alone also do my job#and like be the adult#but i teach/tutor students and they might not be able to find someone to sub my classes this last minute#and today is the first day of this semester (other then the classes i subbed on monday) so im worried if i dont do them today#theyll give my classes to someone else#i should never have told my bosses that i am home from school because of mental health ugh
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