#if i knew him irl id ask him to tell me stories all the time

[judectrl]

he's so adorable when he's telling a story

[sugudoe]

Hello!! I hope you're doing well and hope you continue to do as well. I have recently stumbled across your account and I was wondering if I could get a JJK man match up (ITS HONESTLY SO EXCITING TO READ AND YOU DO IT SO WELL ❤️ 🥹)

So well about me:

- Considering my ethnicity, I can be considered pretty average tbh maybe 167 cm and a bit chubby but nothing on the extreme.

- For my personality, I can be considered the quite kid like not the mysterious one just someone who likes to keep to herself and just keep up a good appearance in front of professors/teachers. I can be very closed off like you can spit poison down my ears and I will not give you any reaction if I deem you to be unlikable. This often comes off as rude and at times I struggle to talk to others as well due to my high social anxiety (yes, I overthink A LOT). I fo not have that much friends either and it's a struggle when I have to talk to new people but I am pretty adaptable so if I am in a new place, I will just adjust to my surroundings without making any fuss. I hate when people order me to do something or just deem me unworthy due to their attempt at generalization. Besides that I am polite and will speak to you a lot if you're my friend and let you in about my life.

-For my likes and dislikes and interests. I am a writer here on tumblr as well as in ao3 and I like to do traditional art. In my heart, I am very girly like I love to dress up, I like make up, Taylor Swift, I love wearing heels and I do LOVE pink. In entertainment media, I watch and consume everything as long as it's entertaining let it be books, manhwa, Manga, anime, movies as long as the stories appeal me, I will watch/read it.

-As for irl i am omw to pursue my dream as a medical student and hope to be a doctor someday.

Well so... that's it for me. I hope you look into this. Thank you <3

a/n: hii, thank you!! hope you like this, and hope you become an amazing doctor someday 🤍 also, i haven’t decided the layout of the matches, so it’s all a mess, sowy!

⁀➷ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. . . ﹫ 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘰 ៹ ༉‧₊📬

You were extraordinary to the Jujutsu world, had just graduated high school, carrying your id of special grade sorcerer, many tried to get in your good grace, only to be met with a wall, be a blank face or your cursed technique ── the ability to change your surroundings, creating an illusion for the receiver. You would take their distraction as a lead to sneak away.

Choso, newest member of the good guys club, found your abilities impressive. Still he, much quieter than you could ever be, ignored you. Not in a rude way, more in an understandable manner. He saw how others would try to run you down, how the high ups had futile attempts of commanding you, and many tried to use you. He thought, in his innocent mind, that you wanted peace, so he let you be.

Soon, that picked your interest.

Like an apprehensive cat, you approached him slowly. And like a comprehensible human, he found adorable how your presence had become constant. Always in the background, shifting your attention anywhere until it landed on him. He would smile politely, but would never approach. You did, and thank God you did.

You didn’t speak much, just telling him of a mission you both were assigned, before leaving the room right away. If it wasn’t for your constant search for him, Choso would think that you, like many others, saw him as his past ── evil, a villain. Somehow, he knew deep down you didn’t. That was enough for him to always smile at you.

Your mission was easy, he mostly talked with curiosity in his voice, asking about anything, and you politely answered. Until, you became more and more… normal. Even craving his questions.

Choso and you were in a park, walking along a river, when he said he had never seen a giraffe, he knew how tall they were, and their colors, but couldn’t picture it. For the first time, you used your technique on him, and also for the first time, you used it for good on someone.

Then, he asked to see butterflies, a garden of magnolias, and lastly, a dinosaur.

For the last, though, you decided to take him on a museum when you both returned home. A museum turned into a stargazing picnic, to a beach sunrise date, to a stabilized relationship.

Choso curiosity wont ever go away, that’s something you learn after showing him everything and experimenting most of it. This wonder, though, has shifted mostly to you. He finds you the most fascinating thing the world could ever had created, and it’s far from being only because of your powers. For him, they are just dust compared to your whole self.

So, with a shy expression, you show him your writing, your arts, your clothes and favorite songs, how tall you can get with your heels and how much you love pink ── to your astonishment, the boy that always dress in black, has taken a liking to it as well. Obviously, he likes because you do, but you will find some decorations with pink in his house and smooch his flushed cheeks right away.

─┈ ⭑ ° ⋆ FUN FACTS 𓂃ᰔ

📥 ┊ you tell him of your plan to leave the jujutsu world and become a doctor, he believes you can, and he hopes to become a photographer, so he can picture everything he finds fascinating, mostly you.

📥 ┊ he soon learns to grow his own taste in media consumption, food and places. still, he loves yours as well, so it’s a common sight to have him by your side, sharing an earphone, reading the same books and mangas, or watching tv shows.

📥 ┊ he will throw a fit if you watch or read a chapter before him.

📥 ┊ best boyfriend ever.

[butchciri]

(saw ur tags on the transwidow ask post, i'm the ask op) i was a libfem tra until my partner came out actually, it's what peaked me. always had trans friends growing up (ftms though) stringently believed trans women's identities had nothing to do with fetishes etc... yea. i'm 21 and bisexual so i think i fit into the younger, groomed into believing the ideology bill! unfortunately my experiences still mirror those of older women, tbh i think the only way it's slightly different is not having any other perspective i guess? as soon as i knew what 'trans' was, the ideology was already being fed to me, so i'd never had another view other than 'this should be celebrated!' i also have only ever been able to speak honestly about my experiences with people aged 35-70, which is quite alienating since my peers are all tra if not trans, which may be different for older women. i think that's what reinforces the peaking, whether women are my age or 30 or 50 or 70, our femalexmtf relationships and feelings all seem to mirror the same path. it's eery. there is literally a formula.

oh i’m soooo glad you came into my asks, i have been wondering for a long time what the femalexmtf relationship looks like for my demographic. i know you said in your ask that the experiences you outlined are all universal, i just couldn’t help but wonder what isnt. im sure there are nuances we cant see cause the younger women are just so scared to talk. theres one straight girl i know who just broke up with her trans id boyfriend and i can tell she’s terrified to speak honestly on her experience.

but isnt it crazy how being close to these people and observing their behavior is what peaks us? part of what peaked me was my tim roommate and noticing how much they downplay the fetish and objectification of women in general. i had never interacted with one irl before, just tifs irl. being familiar with tims through the positive social media portrayal sets you up to be blindsided by the porn addiction, misogyny, and complete ineptitude/refusal to do housework. older het women who aren’t already groomed will have an outsiders perspective like you said, and tims seem to have more cut out for them when it comes to selling the tra ideology (manipulation.)

it seems like if you already have the same belief system, it opens him up for some more insidious/sneaky forms of manipulation. i dont have any good examples of that its just a hunch. i feel like the trans doctrine gives them so much power through language to obfuscate the truth, which is what abusers do to keep you on the back foot. it gives them grounds to accuse you of transphobia, which might land harder for a younger groomed woman with only tra friends compared to an older non-indoctrinated woman. so i wonder if all the common female x mtf experiences you outlined in your original ask are more easily rationalized/normalized in the ideologically captured minds of women who are reaaaaallly severely manipulated by these men, causing them to stay silent longer.

i also know of a couple women who started dating a tim with knowledge upfront that he’s transitioning, but never interacted with tims outside of social media before that. i wonder if they would also count as trans widows after getting fed up with the disgusting behavior and eventually peaking? i know technically they dont fit the definition, but its still a similar experience. because the grooming starts so young, there are likely thousands of invisible young women with stories the trans movement doesn’t want to hear. thats why beyond the looking glass is such an important piece of media for the solidarity and class consciousness it generates for a group that’s so viciously silenced. and like you said the experiences are so formulaic and similar across cultures and demographics that its like a lightbulb moment to realize you’re not alone, its not just him, its this ideology.

[xenia-cenia]

hiiii 💕 may i request domestic hcs with chuuya and dazai with a clingy s/o? thank you 💞💞💞

A/N-i like doing these theyre cute :)

sorry for taking forever! some irl things came up

-writing for chuuya is hard bc all the gifs of him are so cool

-so im using dog chuuya for this one

-moving on

-chuuya does not put any thought before asking you to move in with him

-you mentioned it once in passing and he responded with 'yeah, why the hell not?'

-as stated before his house is filled with dog pictures

-he LOVES cooking

-do not get in his way while he cooks

-itll just be a mess for everyone involved

-if you want a cutesy-fun couple activity hes much more fond of walks in the park

-in fact he likes to go on at least one long walk every week

-and hes always delighted when you tag along

-if you get tired and cant finish the walk dont worry he'll just use his ability and carry you back home

-also enjoys going shopping with you

-he knows the ins and outs of every current fashion trend and will happily help you pick clothes out

-be warned though he likes to only buy the most expensive stuff

-he personally has no plans to get married

-deep inside the fear that hes not 'human' enough lingers

-however if one day years into your relationship you were on a night walk and turned to look at him

-the wind softly rustling your clothes and the streetlamps reflecting in your eyes

-(oh your eyes. he always feels painfully human when he looks into those eyes of yours)

-he'll take a deep breath

-and give into his impulses once again

-"lets get married."

-he says it so casually you barely notice

-but when he says it again it sticks in your head

-you laughed

-(why was his heart beating so fast? did your laugh always do this to him?)

-and kissed his cheek

-"id love to, chuuya."

-his knees shook as you spoke those words

-he smiled and didnt notice his ability start until the two of you were above the trees and you gripped onto his shirt

-"chuu!" you had exclaimed

-but nothing was phazing him

-it was the happiest he had ever been in his life

-well

-the second happiest

-as your hands folded into his

-and the expensive suit he was wearing felt 1 million degrees

-he was shaking

-had he ever shaken this hard before?

-and you noticed his fear

-(you always could read him better than he could read himself)

-and all at once the world melted away

-there was only pure bliss

-"to the person who makes me feel truly human" he had added to his vows "i promise to protect you for the rest of our lives"

-"to the person who hangs dog pictures on our ceiling," (he had laughed nervously. he didnt know you saw those) "i promise to protect and care for you the rest of our lives"

-thats when chuuya cried

-he kissed you as hard as he could

-tears burning his eyes as he pulled away for air

-"i love you." chuuya whispered and he knew that this

-this would be the happiest moment of his life

-he LOVES clingy people

-once you move in with him (or him with you. He doesn’t mind either way) he finds himself falling much further in love then he thought possible

-want cuddles?

-god yes

-reading together with his head on your lap?

-please play with his hair

-he’s also a terrible cook

-terrible awful cook

-if you enjoy cooking you’ll need to forcibly keep him out of the kitchen to stop him from ruining your meal

-if you just want to have fun and make a mess?

-he’s your guy

-“belladonna! Look! The eggs stick to the ceiling!”

“Osamu no”

-like Chuuya he enjoys talking walks

-his walks are  much less peaceful however

-he likes to talk about whatever’s on his mind as he walks

-though frankly he enjoys listening to you blabber much more

-insists on movie date nights

-he picks the movie one week and you pick the movie the next week and so on and so forth

-his movies are typically tragic love stories

-you asked him why one day and all he did was smile and shake his head

-“there are some secrets I’d rather keep, Belladonna.”

-eventually you wrote it off as another mystery about Dazai Osamu

-it takes a long time before he lets you change his bandages

-the entire time hes smiling sadly and refusing to make eye contact

-(your fingers are so smooth compared to his. he’ll never forget the feeling of your fingers tracing the new bandages, making sure they fit right)

-now unlike Chuuya he has put a lot of thought into marriage

-he’s fantasized about it for years but always wrote it off as a pipe dream

-though his dream marriage isn’t really anything official

-he thinks ‘love’ is something that you can’t put on display or into a certificate

-when the two of you get serious he’s very clear about this dream of his

-to his surpise (and joy!) you smiled and kissed his cheek telling him you’re okay with that

-if you want a big wedding dazai will compromise for two weddings

-one thats incredibly low effort, just the two of you drinking wine and getting lost

-and the other thats everything youve ever dreamed of

-in fact during his vows for the ‘second’ wedding he’ll grab your hands and look out towards the audience

-”they told me if you love them so much, i should just marry them. so i did! twice.”

-about half a year after the wedding the two of you were lying in bed

-you were half-asleep and dazai smiled softly

-”belladonna, did i ever answer your question?”

-”wha?”

-”i watched them so often because i wanted to remind myself that we’d have a happy ending.”

-you looked at him through sleepy eyes, confusion lacing your expression as he kissed your forehead

-”osamu...”

-”sleep, belladonna. i’ll remind you in the morning.”

-and as you quickly drifted off to sleep he finally felt the stress in his shoulders dissolve

-”a happy ending...” he muttered to himself

-(though, he feels any ending that includes you loving him was the happiest ending he could get)

-he went further into the sheets and let his eyes close

-maybe... maybe he’ll get the story he never thought he deserved

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Saving Grace - Part 16

A/N- FINALLY an update!! 🙈

Please like/share/comment etc 💕

I was woken up the next morning with Bucky kisses! The best way to wake up!

"Doll" i heard him mumble before pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder, then i felt him kissing my neck.

"Mmmm Buck...."

"Wake up pretty girl...."

"Nooooo" i moaned but started to giggle when his hands started tickling my sides  "thats cheating..... stop!"

"Are you awake?" He laughed.

"Not by choice but yes, im awake"

"Im sorry but its important"

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothings wrong but i think i found us the perfect house! I called to ask about a viewing and they said its a popular lot and its gonna be snapped up quick..... butttt i managed to get us in to see it.... well Pepper pulled some strings....."

"What? Slow down Buck...." i chuckled trying to take it all in.

"Sorry I'm just so excited for you to see it! its perfect for us and the kids...."

"Okay baby, what time do we have to be there?" I smiled, i loved seeing how happy and excited he looked and id do anything and everything in my power to keep that look on his face.

"We have an hour"

"Okay I'm up" i nodded as i got up from the bed, Bucky grabbed me for a kiss before i could go far.

"I really think you're gonna love this place!"

The house Bucky took me to looked huge as we drove up to it, a solitary, two story house with a wrap around porch surrounded by woodland. I smiled instantly, it was exactly what we had been looking for.

After walking around the property with Bucky i found myself looking out of the huge floor to ceiling windows at the back end of the house that over looked the prettiest meadow.... this place really was perfect.

"What do you think?" Bucky asked wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"I love it Buck" i smiled up at him "i can see us living here"

"Me too, I'm so glad you like it.... I've kinda fallen in love with the place"

"We can't afford this though....." i said sadly.

"Yes we can, all you have to do is say yes and its ours"

"Are you being serious right now??" I turned in his arms to face him, my eyes wide.... he had to be joking!

"Deadly. We'd have to sign for it now to secure it though. So are you 100% sure that this is the house for us?"

I nodded quickly with a huge smile "100%! But how? Buck this place...."

"Is ours. I knew it from the second i saw it. I have money and Pepper put in a good word for us....welcome home" he beamed before pressing a kiss to my lips.

When we got back to the tower i sat down with Wanda gushing about how beautiful the new house was. Telling her about the meadows and woodland that surrounded the property.

"I mean its like something out of a movie! Its perfect.... its like my dream home"

"Oh my.... Y/N this place is stunning.... can i move in with you?" Wanda laughed.

"You're more than welcome to come stay whenever you want theres plenty of room"

"I'll be sad to see you guys leave again but I'm so happy for you and Bucky. This is a big step for you guys"

"We'll still stop by all the time it'll be like we never left"

"You better!"

"Of course we will. I still can't believe we have a house! I was not expecting this when i woke up this morning. I didn't even know Bucky was house hunting in his own time, we always done that together"

"Im not surprised, Barnes is sneaky!" Wanda laughed.

"It was so lovely seeing how happy he looked while we were at the house Wand's. Gotta say i was not expecting to wake up and go buy a house this morning! I actually thought Bucky was a little mad at me...."

"Why would he be mad at you?"

"because he found me training with Steve yesterday" i shrugged "he's worried he's gonna loose me and the kids"

"Well thats just crazy.... you'd never leave him"

"I know that but its obviously a problem with Bucky. He feels threatened because of the kids...."

"I get where he's coming from i guess"

"I do too but he's wrong. Id never go back to Steve, for so many reasons but i have to have some kind of civil relationship with him, he's the father of my kids at the end of the day and he's gonna be in our life" i shrugged "I don't wanna spend the rest of my life fighting with Steve".

"Do you think.... never mind" Wanda shook her head deciding against saying whatever she was going to say.

"What was you gonna say Wands?"

"Its just, do you think Bucky found that house as quick as he did to get you away from Steve? maybe he feels threatened having you under the same roof...."

"No.... we were already looking"

Was Wanda right?? Did he find the house so suddenly because he felt threatened... jealous even?

I spent the rest of the day constantly thinking about what Wanda had said and it was driving me mad!

Once the kids were down for the night Bucky and i decided to watch a movie before bed. It was about halfway through when I finally had to ask Bucky about the house.

"Hey Buck?" I looked up at him, my head was currently in his lap as his fingers ran through my hair.

"Yeah doll?"

"I need to ask you something....."

"Sure, what is it?"

"its just Wanda said something earlier and now thats all i can think about......"

"What did she say?"

"She just asked if us finding a house so quickly was because maybe you wanted me away from Steve?"

"No....of course not. I'll admit i was a little pissed after seeing the two of you yesterday in the gym.... i couldn't sleep, so i sat up looking at houses" he said looking unsure if he should be admitting how much he it got to him yesterday.

"I'm not gonna lie and say im not glad we'll be away from him though" he smiled "he's getting too comfortable around you and i dont like it".

"Bucky Barnes are you jealous??"

"No......" he blushed

"You have nothing to be jealous of babe i promise. You're the only man for me"

"What if im not enough....." he asked sadly avoiding eye contact. I sat up suddenly taking his face in my hands to make him look at me.

"You are more than enough and i love you so much".

"I love you more"

"Thats an argument you'll never win" i shrugged giving him a smile before leaning in to kiss him "how about you take me to bed Barnes and i'll prove it".

"I can never say no to you doll" he grinned before literally tossing me over his shoulder and running towards the bedroom.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields @turtoix @dottirose

Saving grace tags @jennmurawski13 @kenzieam

@captainchrisstan @ms-betsy-fangirl

@damnaged-princess @farfromtommy @lbuck121 @billweasleey @heathens-takeitsl0w

@lacontroller1991 @supervengerslock

@mariswritingforfun @thummbelina @broco8 @ineffableg-irl @writeroutoftime @ek823 @cap-just-said-language @xxloki81xx @death-unbecomes-you @bellemile @buckyandsebastian @afuckingshituniverse @i-ran-out-of-fanfics

[coindraws]

When I initially followed you, I identified as ace. Now, more demisexual? But I don't like, actively ID as that if that makes sense. I tell people I'm bi/queer.

My partner, who for a long time just IDed as straight, actually started questioning his own sexuality, and recently came to the conclusion that's he's aroflex. It hasn't really changed anything between us, I still love him and he still assures me that he loves me lol

It's nice to see other people (or, well, characters in this case I guess lol) who are aro/ace spec but in relationships because a lot of people think that zero attraction = zero interest (although in the case of my relationship, it's not zero attraction) when that's just not true.

I'm not too big on cake, I'm generally a picky eater, but I'll still eat it. Sometimes I may actually find myself in the mood for it. The way I experience sexual attraction is very similar, and the way my s/o experiences romantic attraction is also very similar to it.

Anyway hey you're cool and I love seeing your art lol

Thank you for the long message, I love hearing about people's different experiences when it comes to being on the ace spectrum 😊 There are so many stories out there and it's really fascinating to hear them.

I'm gonna hog this ask now and talk a bit about myself because I feel like it, lol. Maybe it's interesting, too? Who knows.

I've only recently started using the ace label to describe myself (sometime in 2019) but I knew that a sexuality "asexual" existed since I was 14/15. Met some friends online who used it and that's how I was first introduced to that term. Did some research later down the line and thought that this label actually fit me quite well, but I never used it because I was still in the phase of thinking "I'm just a late bloomer" etc.

Fast forward a few years, I finally accepted that I wasn't slower than everybody else, but that the moment of me experiencing something all of my friends already had probably wasn't going to happen for me anytime soon. For years I used the word straight for myself but I knew that this wasn't 100% what I was and yet I also didn't want to use the word asexual. I sometimes made jokes about being ace to a few people but apart from that I didn't use it at all. I guess I was still insecure of "officially" using that label because who knows, maybe I'd have the same feelings everybody else did in a few months?

A few months after I turned 20 however, I finally decided to just use ace to describe me. I'm not out to a lot of people I know irl, only a handful of close friends, so I almost exclusively use it online. Mostly because a lot of people irl don't know what asexuality means and I don't want to explain it to them or get told things like "You haven't found the right one yet" or whatever.

I saw a post yesterday talking about how most ace content you find is usually about explaining terminology and is more on the scientific side of things, but that there isn't a lot that shows what it's like to be ace and I gotta say I agree. There's not a lot of ace rep out there to begin with and more often than not, you have to actively search for it, it's hard to stumble upon it, or at least I didn't randomly encountered it a lot.

That's why I sometimes create ace content because it's what I want to see and what I miss when it comes to the portrayal of asexuality. I know the explanations, I know the terms but there's more to it that doesn't get covered a lot, so why not do it myself 🤷

[honexjams]

just was watching an ftm tiktok compilation that featured kalvin garrah and it got me heated, i have a LOT to say about him and his influence but i will condense it to this:

all trans people have an era of discovery and experimentation, for some that includes experimenting with pronouns online to see what theyre comfortable with. the rise in people IDing with they/them or they/she or they/he is infinitely more to do with more trans kids feeling comfortable to experiment than it is with unconcerned cis people wanting clout. (i know some cis people do ID as lgbt for attention, i grew up in a very depressed/depressing and drug-laden small town where its not unheard of for people, especially young people, to go to strange lengths for relief, comfort, and entertainment. this small amount does not tend to go through the worst of the treatment i had as a young, binary trans person in this parish, which alone will garuntee those folks didnt ID this way 'for funzies' very long)

writing off all of these young people as simply wanting attention is harmful to both nonbinary people directly and binary trans people who are young and trying to figure out what theyre comfortable with.

i can say for myself personally, that i am very sensitive so if the trans online sphere was as critical in 2012 as it is today, it probably wouldve thrown a wrench in my personal process of understanding my feelings and realizing the transphobic responses i got from coming out were just that and not the absolute truth. which wouldve in turn left me IDing as non-binary or nothing at all online for a longer time because i wouldve been more concerned with my fear of seeming like i wanted attention online than actually trying to nut up and come out at school or do anything i needed to do irl for my comfort.

i first listed my pronouns on a writing site thats mostly barren last i checked, and what i put was "he/him/they/them" because i was at a place where i was caught between what i felt was true about myself, and having just come out to my mother as an 11-year-old and her not believing me.

demonizing non binary pronouns and identities will 100% effect this generation of trans kids because for those with no support, they will turn to the internet. when both their real life and the online spaces they go to are highly critical and unaccepting of nonbinary identities, any kid less than 100% sure theyre a binary trans person will suffer at the very least an extended period of confusion and denial, and at worst never fully come to grips with who they are.

ive always felt really strongly about this but i feel as i hit the 10 year mark of knowing i was trans (and still being pretty young at 20yo) its a good time to express these feelings a little more formally than i tend to. especially because i fit into the like, Ideal Trans Experience of knowing i was a boy at a young age (i mentioned finding trans people at 11 but i have Very early memories of telling other kids on the playground that 'i was born a boy who looked like a girl so my parents raised me as a girl' which is dummy accurate to a trans experience often shown in media yk).

(this next paragraph is all personal anecdotes which are important to my point but if you dont care feel free to skip over it)

I do very much believe and accept nonbinary people as truth because i can understand how someone can feel like something that isnt understandable to the society they grew up in because that was my experience as an lgbt person in the deep south. I remember hearing my mom at a local parade (a Very Community-Focused thing where i grew up), see two teen girls holding hands walking down the street and saying "theyre a little young for that, huh?" to a friend, I remember asking her what 'gay' meant as a kid bc ofc i heard it at school and just wanted padding for if i ever said it out loud because as i knew it, wasnt a curse word but it was Bad Word (bc i knew from hearing it around school that it was a Bad Word)i wanted to know what it meant, she said "some boys date boys, its not really a Good lifestyle, but sometimes they do it". Ive heard many transmedicalists say 'how can you have dysphoria for nothing?' as in how can someone be agender. I am a binary trans man in a committed relationship with another man and I am frankly bewildered as to how a binary trans person can believe such a thing as 'the only genders that exist are ones i know about, even after discovering my own queerness' because I can perfectly understand the correlation between binary and nonbinary trans people. For me, growing up as a teenager in the south in the 2010s, gays were vaguely accepted but still ostrisized, and in school i had a classmate who i knew is a binary trans man because i still know him now, and I, my insecure, weak, self concious self emailed my teachers about my pronouns and name while he was still being called his birthname in class and my cousin, who sat in front of me next to him (thats how small a fown this is) was the only person who called him his chosen name, which was how i figured he was like me.

I personally dont want bottom surgery even tho i Fully identify as a binary male, I simply came to the understanding that a 'cis penis' is not something I will ever have so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ may aswell get used to the things i can tolerate, unlike my chest and 'feminine' features that T has changed.

Long story short if You are a binary trans person who doesn't get what the whole nonbinary thing is all about, simply try describing your own trans experience as if you were really not a boy or girl. As if you really, through your deepest soul-searching, came up with the fact that you simply dont identify with neither male nor female.

Back to the original point of binary trans people in a self descovery phase, if You are a binary trans person? try to remember the first time you felt really invalidated in a way that truly struck you as like, a direct attack on how you feel (like how those depressing 'relatable posts' do), did you ever feel like if that was something you experienced in a crucial part of your discovery period that it wouldve hurt a lot? maybe even to the point where it surpressed how you felt about yourself? All i want from the trans community is to not let anyone else feel that way. I truly do fear for young trans people and how this exclusive environment stunts them.

[morganisboringg]

Omegle friendship story ;-;

Stranger: m

You: hiya

You: f

Stranger: bonjour

You: hola

Stranger: im 18 bitchh

You: im 14 hoeee

Stranger: shidddd

Stranger: 😂😂

You: yeah im a childdd

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: but im not a creepy guy so ur good 👌🏼

Stranger: hahaha

You: yeah ie had a 20 year old try to keep talking with me

You: and a 17 yr old ask if i have a nice ass XD ive delt with creepy guys XD

Stranger: hahaha dudes are horny

Stranger: used to be like that too but i realized its wrong

Stranger: so yeah just vibing rn

Stranger: 😤😤😤

You: yeah they are, i be vibin too im watching sky high B)

Stranger: lol

Stranger: im watching rick&morty

Stranger: im the ultimate virgin

You: lmaoooooo , i mean u have to also like game theory and film theory for that but ur close XD

Stranger: never heard of that

Stranger: 😂

You: theyre nerdy yt channels, they make theorys on games and films and shows and stuff

You: they have a bunch on rick and morty

Stranger: oh

Stranger: i watch some of those

Stranger: 😤😂

Stranger: im an ‘adult’ child

You: yeah i do too, i literally have their merch

Stranger: hahahaha

You: oh i hope to be an adult child bc gRosS adults

Stranger: yeah i dont wanna be an adult

You: me either, adults get stares when they only dress in hot topic clothes why would i want that

Stranger: hahahah yeah

Stranger: thats the reason i dont have a gf

Stranger: bc im too childish

You: well then u just havent found the right childish girl

Stranger: that is a fact

You: might i reccomend the single rider lines at like amusement parks XD

Stranger: hahaha why

You: ive seen plenty of dudes shoot there shot there bc the girls are by themselves then they get to ride a rollercoaster together

Stranger: hahah yeah thats fun

Stranger: maybe i wikk

Stranger: :)

You: yeah XD then if it works out a cute date at an amusement park!

Stranger: hahah yeah

Stranger: do u have a amusement park obsession

Stranger: lmaoo

You: uh- thats uniMPORTANTTT

Stranger: hahahhah

You: theres food and adreniline whats not to love!

Stranger: i love them too

Stranger: i once forced my cousin to ride the same coaster 12 times in a row

You: ive ridden king da ka the tallest rollercoaster in the world XD

Stranger: he puked after

You: lmaoooo sounds like smth id do

Stranger: hahaha

You: but then id just say again and go again XD

Stranger: hahahah same

Stranger: adter he threw up i went alone

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: dude i need some advice

You: sure

Stranger: my friends sister (shes 15) has a crush on me

Stranger: what do i do

You: oh shit uh- tell her shes too young

You: or like take her on a cute date but say its a friends date

You: thats a nice way to friend zone sm1

Stranger: yeah true

Stranger: its kinda weird

Stranger: my friend says he doesnt mind

Stranger: 😂

Stranger: but still wekrd

Stranger: weird

You: well thats uh getting to chris hansen levels so gotta shoot her down lmao

Stranger: yeah hahaha

You: but like yk when like a little sisters older siblings s/o would take them on a "date" to show them how to be treated u could do that- idk

Stranger: yeah idkk

Stranger: we shall see

You: we shall broski, just uh dont do anything that chris hansen would ask u to sit down with him over XD

Stranger: hahahah

Stranger: i have no idea who that is

Stranger: oh i looked it up

You: yeah XD

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: yeah like it is weird but not the age difference

Stranger: 3 years is not a lot

You: oh abt the friends sibling thing? XD

Stranger: ya

You: ik 3 years isnt alot in like the grand scheme of stuff but NOW 3 years is the difference between 6th graders and freshman and thats really weird

Stranger: yeah true true

You: and abt them being a friends sibling, um dont pull a kissing booth and be all dating behind everyones back- that movie was weird in general smh

Stranger: hahah

Stranger: yeah i wont

Stranger: his mom told me i would be a good son in law

You: LMAO too soon??

Stranger: 😂

Stranger: yeah right ilnow

You: 1) u arent even dating and 2) u think its weird

You: that would creep me tf out

Stranger: yeah but i dont really care

Stranger: i take it as a compliment

Stranger: it means im nice

You: yeah, im just a generally akward perso so XD

Stranger: hahahaha

You: but like uh if u dont wanna date a friends sibling dont, in most movies thats like number one best friend code no dating sibkings

Stranger: yeah i dont really care if my friend doesnt mins

Stranger: but i dont like her

Stranger: i like someone else

Stranger: and she doesnt like me back

Stranger: 🙃🙂

You: oh cool, aw that suckss u seem really chill and have a good personality so idk whats not to like thats prob my pansexual talking tho XD

Stranger: hahha

Stranger: ur attracted to pans?

Stranger: thanks lmao yeah idk

You: no i came out of the pantry smh

Stranger: 🤯🤯🤯🤯

You: common misconseption XD

Stranger: yeah shes my girl best friend

Stranger: so thats why she doesnt like me

Stranger: but maybe some daaaaaayv

You: oooo thats a hard place to get out of the f r i e n d z o n e

Stranger: ivee been tryyiiiiiiiing

Stranger: to make u love meeee

Stranger: but everything i try

You: *blasts u belong with me by taylor swift on a boombox* now go stand outside her window

Stranger: just takes you further from me

You: XD

Stranger: ghost town by kanye west is such a good song

You: oh i dont think ive listened to it lmao too much emo music and musicals

Stranger: you like kid cudi

You: who..? ugh i feel stupid not knowing stuff

Stranger: ur too young

Stranger: hes a legend

Stranger: makes good music u should listen to him

Stranger: kind of drug/depresion related

You: oh okay, that sounds like smth id listen too XD

Stranger: listen to love. by him on youtube or soundcloud

Stranger: it isnt on spotify

You: oh okay, i use amazon music like a loser XD

Stranger: oh

Stranger: yeah its only on yt or soundcloud lmao

Stranger: hahah doesnt matter right

You: yeah lmao

You: u wanna be friends? its ok to say no cause im 14 XD

You: im morgan btw whats ur name?

Stranger: hahaha aw thats a nice thing to ask

Stranger: but i just came on here to twlk to random people :( sorry

You: im not good at the whole "making friends" thing so idk what to do but ask lmao

Stranger: my name is julian

You: oh okay

Stranger: im sure u will make friends some day

You: OMG ofc its julian- i meet guys with m names or julius/julians never anything else

Stranger: hahaha what do y mean

You: i mean in the past week ive met a mike, mikey, and a mick then ive met like 4 julius' and 2 julians

Stranger: ahhaha wow

Stranger: thats funny

You: i swear idk what is up but smth is

You: my fbi agent is on smth ig

Stranger: hahahhahaha

Stranger: tryna set u up

You: yeah they want either an m&m or m j XD just m&ms or michael jackson IDFK XD

Stranger: haahahah

Stranger: so when did u find out u were pan sexual

You: uh when i was 11 i thinkk

Stranger: wow

Stranger: when i was 11 i was eating boogers out of my nose

You: yeah i knew i wasnt straight since like pre school girls are just too cute lmao

You: lmao thanks for sharing

Stranger: that is a facr

Stranger: women are cute

You: yeah they are XD

Stranger: hahaha

You: ummm idk what to talk abt now lol

Stranger: yeah me too lol

You: uh do u like heathers? like the movie or the musical

Stranger: never heard of it

You: REALLY??

You: my friends saying to skip u smh but i wouldnt dare

Stranger: what do u mean hahah

You: heathers is like a cult classic 80s movie like breakfast club or 16 candles or the outsiders

Stranger: ohh ok hahah

Stranger: i dont watch a lit of old movies

You: u know what those are right? especially the outsiders?

Stranger: only fiction

Stranger: never heard of them

You: U HAVENT???

You: OMG I SWEARR IF I KNEW U IRL ID LIKE FORCE U TO WATCH IT ITS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD MMMMMMm

Stranger: whats sliced bread

Stranger: 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: i swear i dont watch movies

You: like a loaf of bread XD its an expression

Stranger: oh lolllll

You: but like look up dallas winston MMMMM I LOVE THAT MAN

Stranger: hahah ok

Stranger: this was a fun talk dude hahah

Stranger: i ahve to go eat rn

You: okay byee nice talk too bad we cant be friends i wish u luck <3

Stranger: were kind of stranger friends

Stranger: so count me as a friend

Stranger: :S

You: okay too bad after this we'll never talk again

You: S?

Stranger: idk lmao

Stranger: yeah but thats life

Stranger: byeee 😘

You: yeah it is byeeee

Stranger has disconnected.

[avengerofyourheart]

NYE Retro Bash with Chris Evans

YOU GUYYYSSSSS. 

I still feel like last night was just a dream but then I see all the amazing videos I took and it all comes back. This is without a doubt the most memorable New Year’s Eve of my life and I’ll look back on it for years to come. 

SO. Here’s how it all happened. I saw a post on tumblr about this New Year’s Bash and GASP. It was taking place only 40 minutes from me! Double checked the tweet Chris had retweet and....ITS REALLY HAPPENING WHAT. Texted a friend to see if she wanted to come, she doubted the reality of it because HOW, WHY, WHAT. But yes. It was happening. We had to go. So I bought 2 tickets. 

Apparently, other people had trouble buying tickets but I guess I was super lucky. I heard that tickets were limited but I didn't realize HOW limited until I checked the venue and saw that the capacity was only 125 people. AHH. IT’S GONNA BE SMALL AND INTIMATE AND I’M NERVOUS AND EXCITED I CAN’T WAIT. That was my thought process. 

There was some drama regarding transportation and the friend I was going with I hadn’t actually met IRL yet (not from tumblr, more like snapchat and Instagram. It’s an interesting way to meet people.) But in the end I drove 45 minutes south to meet her and then we headed up the canyon in her friends car to Park City! :D 

For those who have never been, Park City is a small-ish skiing town in the mountains were Sundance Film Festival also happens every year. (Which was founded by Robert Redford, who played Alexander Pierce in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, in case you weren't aware.) Anyway, we park in a parking garage and walk through the lobby of a hotel and once we reach the street, the venue is RIGHT THERE. AHH. There was a bit of a line and it was SOOOO COLD.  Like, single digits. Fahrenheit. We only had to wait about 10 minutes before they started checking ID’s and letting people in.

High West Distillery is basically a ski-in/ski-out bar. It was even smaller than I envisioned so people got cozy really quickly and there was a velvet rope sectioning off part of the dance floor with some stools and couches there. The second friend, Natalie, went in search of the bathroom so it was just Vanessa the Instagram Friend and I. 

She leaned toward me. “Read my eyes.” Um...what? It took me wayyyyyy too long to figure out that she was hinting that Chris was standing RIGHT OVER THERE BEHIND THE ROPE 15 FEET FROM ME. WHAT. I spotted his friend first, the one who posted the photo on the plane. Adam LaVorgna, another actor who I recognized from the Jonathan Taylor Thomas movie “Home for Christmas” haha! But then I saw who he was standing next to and...I whipped my head back around toward Vanessa, eyes wide. 

“See?? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” she yelled over the music. 

Holy. Crap. I tried to get another covert sneak peek but it was almost like looking directly at the sun, I had to avert my gaze. Wow. I just saw Chris Evans with my very own eyes. Dressed in a pair of jeans, dark blue sweater, bit of scruff on the chin, and a blue Boston Red Sox baseball hat, he looked gooooood. *swoon* 

We still had no idea what the “plan” was for the night, since he was supposedly the host, but we mostly just danced to the music, chatted with friends and tried not to panic at his close proximity. The room continued to fill and some people were let past the velvet rope and he greeted them. Such a sweetheart. I know they were calling it a “Retro Bash” but I guess I didn’t realize it was so literal??? People were arriving in full-on 80s regalia and a few guys wore mullet wigs and sunglasses (one of which turned out to be Miles Teller, but I didn’t find out til later. oops.) 

Anyway, a DJ played for the first hour or so until The Midnight came on stage. I knew some of their music before finding out about this, but the past few days I put their albums on shuffle to familiarize myself. They’re more techno than I’m used to but I really liked it and in the party scene, their vibe was perfect! Chris got so excited and sang along, dancing or air drumming to the beat. ha! So cute. He kept saying “This is my favorite song” but he said that about 4 songs. :D Bless him. 

There was a guy in the VIP section who looked familiar and I finally figured it out. He’s also a friend of Sebastian’s, Charles Chu (Choodius_maximus on instagram) he was wearing a huuuuuge black afro wig. We bumped elbows a few times while dancing so that was cool. One degree from Sebastian Stan!! I’m getting there! ha! :D 

Ironically, The Midnight did NOT play until midnight. Their set ended around 11:15pm so the DJ returned and he was great. Interesting song transitions and a good variety, too. Dancing continued and I got a few more videos of Chris, covertly. I didn’t want to seem creepy so I kinda panned the camera around and caught him a few times. Seeing Chris Evans dance and sing to “Living on a Prayer” is official a highlight in my life. I have evidence of it, too. :D He seemed to be living his best life, having a few drinks and dancing with friends. I loved seeing him this way, personally, rather than situations that might make him anxious or uncomfortable. He is a gem and we don’t deserve him. 

Midnight crept closer and the DJ started the countdown. Happy New Year!!! I caught the moment on video and finally showed my face. :) I was there, too!! Couples kissed and hugs were shared. From what we could tell, no smooches for Mr. Evans but plenty of hugs. I don’t like to speculate about his personal life, I just want him to be happy. :) 

I really wasn’t sure what to expect initially and I did wonder if he might interact or step up to the mic at some point as the “host” but as a whole, I had an amazing time! People asked if I met him, talked to him, got a pic with him. No, I didn’t, but that’s perfectly okay with me. Proximity while in his element is good enough for me. Maybe I’ll meet him at a con some day and mention last night. Maybe. As for now, I have photos and videos and memories that will last a lifetime. 

Thank you all for following my Instagram story. It’s now in my highlights there on my page and I will continue to share videos here. I’m infinitely glad that I jumped at the chance of seeing him and it was more than worth the money, 3 hours of driving, lost sleep, temporary hearing loss, and sore legs from dancing. :) 

Happy New Year to you all!! 

[somnilogical]

i am prepared to face god this instant

in the case of the native americans, in a counterfactual world where every native human could would do with their muscles what they would yell at a book character in their situation to do with their mouth. where people could would make choices from a third person point of view and then carry out the choices. where when asked by an interrogator for the names of your rebel companions, you say you will know them when they come to avenge me.

<<On 8 Feb 1943, the Nazis hung 17-year-old Yugoslav partisan Lepa Radić. When asked the names of her companions, she replied: “You will know them when they come to avenge me”.>>

--

<<N. Stolyarova recalls an old woman who was her neighbor on the Butyrki bunks in 1937. They kept on interrogating her every night. Two years earlier, a former Metropolitan of the Orthodox Church, who had escaped from exile, had spent a night at her home on his way through Moscow. “But he wasn’t the former Metropolitan, he was the Metropolitan! Truly, I was worthy of receiving him.” “All right then. To whom did he go when he left Moscow?” “I know, but I won’t tell you!” (The Metropolitan had escaped to Finland via an underground railroad of believers.) At first the interrogators took turns, and then they went after her in groups. They shook their fists in the little old woman’s face, and she replied: “There is nothing you can do with me even if you cut me into pieces. After all, you are afraid of your bosses, and you are afraid of each other, and you are even afraid of killing me.” (They would lose contact with the underground railroad.) “But I am not afraid of anything. I would be glad to be judged by God right this minute.”

There were such people in 1937 too, people who did not return to their cell for their bundles of belongings, who chose death, who signed nothing denouncing anyone.>>

<<One can’t say that the history of the Russian revolutionaries has given us any better examples of steadfastness. But there is no comparison anyway, because none of our revolutionaries ever knew what a really good interrogation could be, with fifty-two different methods to choose from. Just as oxcart drivers of Gogol’s time could not have imagined the speed of a jet plane, those who have never gone through the receiving-line meat grinder of Gulag cannot grasp the true possibilities of interrogation.

We read in Izvestiya for May 24, 1959, that Yuliya Rumyantseva was confined in the internal prison of a Nazi camp while they tried to find out from her the whereabouts of her husband, who had escaped from that same camp. She knew, but she refused to tell! For a reader who is not in the know this is a model of heroism. For a reader with a bitter Gulag past it’s a model of inefficient interrogation: Yuliya did not die under torture, and she was not driven insane. A month later she was simply released—still very much alive and kicking.>>

-alexander solzhenitsyn, the gulag archipelago

if all or even a majority of native americans near the missions had this neurotype, then what id suggest would be for everyone to move away from the missions and if captured refuse to work to the point of death. the missions need slave labour in order to exist and without people to feed on and with long supply lines, they would be undone and people would be free from the largest human-unfriendly institution of the era.

and the outcome would be better than ~60 years of slavery. this is choosing between timelines

somni why do you care about freedom? freedom is like ability-to-live. if people were like "well who cares about the global slavery-and-submission-and-stasis cult" until catholicism actually took over the world, the world would be much worse and we would never get to the stars.

you could say "whats the point, everyone gets assimilated to whatever the social order is now which is driving us all to doom" but like if you are in 1800s america after you keep the world ending for a set of tribes, you work on societal tech to keep it from ending in other ways and landing in this patch of equilibrium-space in the first place.

its like the difference between choosing between timelines and wondering if perhaps the money could be better spent sustaining the lives of those who could be locally saved. there are other organizing principles for moral reasoning besides these, and more than i have thought of so far. i suspect locating new ones is a spatially-loaded skill.

ben hoffman was using the choosing between consistent timelines kind of thinking when he quoted deuteronomy 30:19 in his post about REACH

http://benjaminrosshoffman.com/humans-need-places/

<<I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.>>

https://www.sefaria.org/Deuteronomy.30.19?lang=bi&aliyot=0

which in context of the passage is exactly the same cognition that would benefit the natives to resist the world's largest human-unfriendly subjugation org and live to iteratively squirm out of these sorts of tangles in the future.

<<See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adversity.

For I command you this day, to love the LORD your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments, His laws, and His rules, that you may thrive and increase, and that the LORD your God may bless you in the land that you are about to enter and possess.

But if your heart turns away and you give no heed, and are lured into the worship and service of other gods,

I declare to you this day that you shall certainly perish; you shall not long endure on the soil that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life—if you and your offspring would live—

by loving the LORD your God, heeding His commands, and holding fast to Him. For thereby you shall have life and shall long endure upon the soil that the LORD swore to your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give to them.>>

if native americans had social tech which could better survive slavery and forced relocation, maybe things would be different today.

which, this can be cast in a zero-sum frame of having your group survive versus everyone elses which runs against antinationalist heuristics.

but if you are planning to manufacture a pattern which revolutionizes the world, for the good of all life, it is instrumentally useful to avoid assimilation and submission destroying this work.

this applies to multi-generational projects as well as within-a-lifetime choices. if you choose to submit and assimilate and erase all work and structure you have built, each time someone wants to feed on you, then you i (0.7) dont think can really sustain your work.

--

i wonder if with this worlds distribution of neurotypes, such that maybe most humans cant run consequentialism through a rawlsian veil where they forget which human inherits the label "me" on their muscles. im somewhat optimistic that even those who cant wont make their muscles move according to this, can locate the correct answer.

though there is i think a habit among people whose neurotypes have issues to retroactively rationalize (FAKE REASONING, STORIES) that because you are unable to make your body wont choose your death over the death of three of your friends, equally or more useful to the flourishing of all life, it doesnt make sense to choose your death over theirs.

--

linta mentioned that they couldnt imagine knowing the right thing to do and then not doing it. that they dont have a gap between these things save for akrasia, i think it is because the gap is filled with fractally expanding justifications of the form "but you cant really expect a human being to give up their life for the sake of their companions, you need to be reasonable and work with humans who exist".

human neurodiversity exists, as a matter of historical fact not all humans have the same weaknesses. in hpmor!metaphor, some people are hermione granger and wont zap people in the milgram compliance test.

and building plans predicated on people who need to divert resources to local stuff because of their neurotype, will replace "if this were a story what plans would i yell at my character do?" with "what would someone who cant run consequentialism through a rawlsian veil, see in 3rd person and then act in harmony with this do?" "someone who needs to divert resources to babies and not personally dying, do?" "what if everyone were like this?"

labeling the latter as "what will happen if everyone is running consequentialism, playing as if from 3rd person and wants humanity to win?" is a distortion of what is going on and compounds as institutions are built on it and the boundaries of what good could be done are strictly smaller than the reach of what good could be done irl.

by the way, the milgram experiment replicated in 2015 poland. gotta check with the replication crisis.

https://qz.com/932110/researchers-have-replicated-a-notorious-social-experiment-that-claimed-to-explain-the-rise-of-fascism/

<<It is exceptionally interesting that in spite of the many years which have passed since the original Milgram experiments, the proportion of people submitting themselves to the authority of the experimenter remains very high. The result of 90% obedience which we have achieved, 95% CI [83.43%, 96.57%], is very close to the number of people pressing the 10th button in the original Milgram studies. For example, in Milgram’s (1974) Experiment No. 2, replicated in our study, 34 of 40 people pressed Button No. 10 (85% of participants, the 95% CI extends from 70.54% to 93.32%).>>

one of my moms who studies fascism once told me she thinks 40-60% of people have as their ideology that they will imitate those in power, and will go along with Power in times of an authoritarian takeover. they believe that they will eat rather than be eaten. given my experience and things like the milgram test, i think its closer to 90-95%.

--

reading grognor's memorial page it looked like he was very fucked up by the fact that he could do a rawlsian veil consequentialism thought experiment, where he saw himself in third person or forgot which agent was "him" and "his family" and then notice that his muscles werent moving in harmony with the logic of the results.

<<are you doing the best thing you could possibly be doing? why not?

become good

SPEAK TRULY, EVEN IF YOUR VOICE TREMBLES

you continue to underestimate the harm you have done and are doing

are you doing the best thing you could possibly be doing? why not?

The tools you have available are cognitive actions and motor actions. Use them to immanentize the eschaton. You have one life

if you were an alien suddenly transposed into your current body, what would you do now?

Pretend with every thought and action to be a much better person. Reach heaven through fraud.>>

https://grognor.github.io/archives.html

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Suspiria remake review from a shitty movie-goer

(this review is posted too late so excuse me for some timing inaccuracies I couldn’t be arsed to edit)

(IF YOU HATE TL;DRS JUST SKIP AHEAD TO THE “THE REVIEW” PART. YOU’RE WELCOME)

I actually hate to admit why was I interested to watch this movie in the end, but for once SOMETHING motivated me to go to a movie after countless tries from my family to get me to watch something in theatres at a “reasonable time” (daytime is what they mean, this movie was at 8pm our time, and this is when the cross-city bus transport (it goes from one big city to another) stops doing their service lmao).

I myself have a lowkey interest in moviemaking (I’m already getting there by editing my phone-recorded videos because whatever). I come up with my concepts in my head and I am mostly willing to put them down somewhere in my computer so I don’t forget it years later if I want to make that concept a thing in the end (because none of my concepts are finalized... well except for one short horror-ish story I posted on DeviantArt (see mom, I do like some horror stuff!). Reddit as of lately inspired me to edit some of my movie’s plot-lines based on irl events (not related with anything too SJW), and I’m not sure how an usual movie-goer would see this concept but I am going to try to execute it... whenever I have enough equipment to shoot my own little films or skits or whatever.

What’s that? There are people who scrolled past this and already yell at me that “YOU ONLY WENT TO SEE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE OF THE MAN WHO COMPOSED THE SOUNDTRACK~~~”? Ugh yes you exposed me, tea all over. I even had “Street Spirit (Fade Out)” on a bit of a repeat as of lately (how fucking come I wasn’t too couragerous to listen to this song before?? And “Pyramid Song”??? Man am I discovering their pearl(ie)s(*) too late). And I’m occasionally on the band’s subreddit as well. And the man himself is touring ‘round the USA, signing material of fans and have genuinely warm chats with them. Admireable.

But that’s only half truth.

I never thought I’d see Suspiria on cinema theatres in here. Until one time when I saw an ad on a completely random Lithuanian website that said this movie is coming to our theatres 14 December... I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I made my goal to see Suspiria since then. I even dared to ask a couple of my new college ‘friends’ to see it with me, but one of them fell off the deal when I revealed that I’ll be going to see it on Saturday, and on the weekends he’s usually at home, far away from the city the college is in (he lives in college dormitory on mostly the work-weekdays). So my only movie companion ended up to be this 28-year-old coursemate (actually we both study different things but sometimes we attend some of the same lectures) who was intrigued by the Suspiria trailer herself so at least I’m gonna have her by my side of the movie, so I thought. Sweet.

I already envisioned seeing this in a mall cinema theatre but my companion offered me a cheaper alternative - her suggested cinema theatre was actually in renovation so the business is temporarily happening inside an actual drama theatre’s long theatre hall. I had to wait long until the ticket box opened and because of that I was lowkey frustrated as I finished my English test writing a little earlier, so I spent my time walking around the city until the time came and I wandered off to the old building of the cinema so then I remembered it was moved and I found the moved place. Yeah I bought the tickets before my companion could but I’ll skip ahead to the time that I almost lost the tickets because they were put down on a windowsill outside some children activity centre (Suspiria and children?? lol). I came back home late at night and was ready for the movie to happen the next day. Oh and before buying the tickets I coincidentally saw dance classes going on nearby that building... weird, as Suspiria has dance elements in there

The day came (December 15) and my family went together with me because they saw this as an opportunity to see the Christmas tree of our city (but not the movie). Needless to say, they were still visibly pissed at me orchestrating this idea, as I planned everything BUT the transport to go by. Well at least my mom and my sis. Dad was cool with it as he returned home to watch Home Alone. Aside all that, the cinema hall was cozy, Christmassy, not too small, there were a few trailers before the movie, no snack-seller places (as this is not a mall lol) - my companion was glad she wasn't at the mall as she found this place where we were at way lovelier.

Now with all that unnecessary long intro off my chest, let’s begin:

THE REVIEW

(definitely not spoiler-free, if you are sensitive to spoilers please watch the movie for yourselves before reading my review. But if you like being spoiled, I’m your friend then I guess lmao)

The intro to the movie felt like I ended up booking a wrong movie - I didn't expect that to be set somewhere in Germany, especially an American/Italian-shot one. Was that a thing in the original Suspiria? I don't know... (apparently it is, but the cities are different, never the country though)

Patricia (I didn’t know it was Chloë Grace’s role until reading the Wiki) looked like to be a really big deal here, with the dance pupils discussing her disappearance the other day and Susie overheard them, then Sara mentioned the Patricia thing to Susie after Susie revealed she was kind of chosen as the lead dancer for the Volk play... is it because Patricia was THE saviour that unfortunately knew a little too much?? Idk, it’s perhaps the reason we get to see the Klemperer guy subplot happen (I didn’t know it was Tilda Swinton behind him all the time either, must be because the way the male German accent was put on her lol). Turned out she was captured and kept under some dungeon where Sara had gone later in the movie, but looking like an almost melted and grotesquely old human being (or if Mary’s mother from “Chocolate with Nuts” was a person). Speaking of which, there is one more later in the movie, but I won’t tell just yet - we will need to get into such scenes discussion first.

Interesting deaths here, despite of them being grotesque and horrifically detailed. It almost felt like Susie, whilst doing her first dance as the probable lead dancer, temporarily turned into Olga’s voodoo doll or a violent bloodbender (that old lady from Avatar that could bloodbend was incredibly uncanny, damn) and left Olga completely fucked up, and the foam mouth later on... is this the effect myxomatosis has on a human being if it was ever humanly? She was twitching and salivating afterall. :P But no, she’s not dead until she gets to plead her death later in the movie! :O Several others occur throughout, but none is more prominent than this key scene I described, well at least according to TV Tropes.

The search for the evil person in this movie without Wiki helping me much was definitely a nice game for me to play. I kept thinking that Blanc might be that one, then I thought she’s not the one until she looked at Carolina (I think that was the tall tomboy’s name??) suspiciously and then she later passed out on the floor violently, with rabies foam and everything.

Anyway, don’t tell me Tilda Swinton wouldn’t make out a pretty good Thom Yorke post-Pablo Honey. She’s 8 years older than him, ffs! Also played a man before (e.g.: this movie I’m talking about) so the make up won’t be an unjumpable-over hurdle.

The sighs were for sure unsettling, especially because they oddly sounded like orgasm here and there. IDK why. I know fucking is referenced twice in this movie (well only fucking once and sex another time). Speaking of random things, the nightmare shots were completely random themselves, following up with some imagery we never see in the movie again, and some of that we see only a little (like the worms and bloody organs).

3 long scenes that were note-worthy for me. One is the Olga mutilation/Susie's first dancing scene that I already noted, and it was driven by music (the others will be too. Soundtrack of this movie still rules). Then there's the Volk play itself - girls go from one place to another, take poses of each other, dance individually, let their minimalistic red rope dresses flick in the air, interspersed with Sara in the underneath area and her broken leg (so broken, the bone went out of her skin!), and then the matriarchy getting her back on stage, but healing her leg with her witch powers before that. I haven't really listened to the rest of the soundtrack but I gotta check the song out so that I won't end up labeling it as a Kid A reject. No but seriously - intense dancing needed some intense drumming and painful instrument sounds just to project out the massiveness of the whole play.

Then I keep remembering the scene where Madame Blanc commands Susie to jump higher and higher in the mirror hall, up until she jumps as highest as possible. Also my companion’s favourite scene was the stare exchange between these two ladies during the part where people were singing some drinking song in a bar to celebrate ‘Volk’’s success - you hear them singing and then some chilling background noise slowly mixing and creeping its way into the atmosphere, then I think it leads into a scene where some sparkling aura entity wakes Susie up (and she’s nude) in the middle of the night and gets her to go down to this... dungeon orgy full of random stuff going on, complete with an Asian man doing something beyond explanation (I could say lewd but not quite), even more strange ritual dancing and the very much frightening Madame Helga... who looked like Jabba the Hutt for some reason. And then of course everyone slitting, slashing and twisting each other, and by the end Susie throwing us all a plot twist which makes her THE evil one who can finally let her ‘friends’ go of all that suffering they have been through thanks to the damn witches (and yeah apparently her dance friends haven’t completely died? THAT’S how they do - they tell Susie to end their suffering and she does). Also she cracks her chest open to reveal a... very graphic part of a female body that will by no doubt get this whole text review reported without consent so I refrain from any illustrations. Oh and this scene mostly has the possibly favourite this movie’s soundtrack song of mine, if not one of them, play - titled Unmade. It was a mind-boggling decision to do so but the movie editors do them I suppose, but still. I felt sad for the song having to be the background of such absurd but fair enough events? (Oh and I didn’t mention that everyone who voted for the other woman than Madame Blanc to be the leader of the witches (iirc) were rid of in this movie. Damn.)

Oh and the ending is rather an interesting detail, not talking about post-credits because as always I have to be this one movie goer who wants to do it but can’t because they’re urged to go back out of the movie theater. We turn into modern day Germany with a love heart carved on a brick wall with the letters A and L (perhaps?? at the time of finishing this review my memory towards it kind of erased some parts of the movie for me), a nice little remembrance of Lutz’s (the old man’s) love for his dear Anke, with which they have reunited during the movie, but Lutz was dragged out by some people related to the dance academy for probably wandering elsewhere than needed and somehow Lutz ended up as one of the sex dungeon victims, stripped of clothing and lying down quite powerless. That and before the modern day shot we are subjected with Lutz in hospital with Susie coming to visit, they discuss something related to the plot, Susie touches the guy speaks some more, leaves and according to the Wiki, Lutz “suffers from a violent seizure” that was nothing more than just a hard seizure. And it even erases his memories!

Anyway, as a whole, I felt more underwhelmed of this movie’s experience despite really wanting to see it. Like, “uhm yeah gore blood people getting slashed everyone’s a witch and everyone’s watched over by the witch and if you expose the witches you die” kind of underwhelmed. I didn’t want this movie to blatantly go through my head, but it did, that’s why I wanted to make notes everytime something notable happens. There was one startling moment, and it just was an innocent scene transition. And something within Olga’s mutilation scene made me chuckle (and made some other people leave the cinema hall ASAP). It’s more of a disgusting watch than scary. Also feels too dragged out in parts.

I’d only recommend it if you are gore-tolerant (there are people that can’t stand looking at blood so this might as well not be for you, especially if you’re younger than 16), like intense choreos that can impact other people literally, and... the soundtrack. Yes of course. If you dare to get through the movie with feeling its soundtrack, sometimes you might as well feel it right, but some of the soundtrack song usages might as well make you go “hmm” as much as me.

I'll remind myself to never watch a movie in theaters for soundtrack again (unless they're not THAT late). And the other 'trilogy of the three witches' movie remakes, especially if they come out at the time I haven't moved houses by now, because for sure as hell will my parents not like me going to cinema late once more. The movie is lowkey 7 out of 10 for me, can sometimes it's on the verge of falling down to 6 becaude of no completely proper comprehension of some directing choices... so 6.7/10 is good - as it still has 6 in it, but totally leans on to the 7.

Will probably watch it again. I need to remember some more of this movie sometime later. And looking for online uploads of this movie is unrecommendable - I'll wait until Lionsgate distributes it to America for wider audiences so that anything could surface 2 months (or even a few days) later from now. Though if I didn't need all that, I'd definitely not watch it again for a long time... unfortunately I want to.

Post movie feelings: my companion liked the movie, initially said to never watch it again but now wants to watch it again because it was so "wtf" she felt like re-experiencing it at some point. She liked the music (another bonus point for Yorke). She wished she could film the reactions of other people who watched this, as they mostly were confused, all being like "wtf did I just watch???". I'm already feeling bad for the 3rd companion who didn't join us but would also like to watch this - he’ll likely be one of those confused movie-goers.

[a-nonbinary-mess]

I want you to do all the botanical asks because im a plant gay and i love you and i love plants

im crying op please tell me who you are please i love you too idk who you are but im love u too (also this is 31 questions anon omggg)

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

1. art (anything aesthetically pleasing)

2. food–mainly desserts

3. stress (that i put on myself)

4. lavender bc i really love lavenders

5. uhh dogs? i really love dogs

bleeding heart: what makes your heart go mushy?

-thoughts of how much I adore my friends tbh

-any cliche romcom trope in a fanfic or seeing ppl suddenly realize how much they love another person, whether platonically or romantically

-seeing kind people in the world and amazing animals, mainly dogs and cats

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

-uhh idk i like disney channel original songs a lot tho and ive been listening to a lot of potential song by aly and aj lol

-love on the brain by rihanna, uhh anything that sounds cheesy and cute and romantic like la vie en rose by edith piaf (the cover by laura and anton is super good)

evening primrose: what is your sleeping playlist (five songs): 

-anything by lofi hip hop beats w/ anime girls studying hard

-any studio ghibli song tbh

-any classical music song idk i dont listen to a lot of music before i sleep

-tango music ??? 

-a whole musical (hamilton, chicago, etc)

-songs that dont require me to sing bc i will sing to legit any song at 3 am instead of sleeping

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog that’s not following you? 

-hmm idk? i mainly follow a lot of art blogs, so i would say any of them? maybe hinamie? or insomniac-arrest is a super cool person, thatsthat24 bc thomas sanders is an amazing human being and i would love to be friends with him

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

-lavenders or sunflowers? where i live is kind of really difficult to plant anything tbh (unpredictable weather, things die in the winter, etc) and also idk how to take care of plants r i p 

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

-rainy evening for sure. i love to leave the window opening, listen to soothing music, drink tea surrounded by candles, and read something ive been putting off while my dog is curled up next to me

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

-i like the whole rainbow of colors but i prefer the darkest black and darker red for clothing and a light purple in general

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

-happiness. jk but i really do wish that i wasn’t mentally ill though :// also a cat. bc im allergic : (

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

-idk i dont sleep well or deep enough anymore to even dream but i remember having a dream 2 years ago that i was dating oikawa from haikyuu and he was so disconcerting in my dream that i remember it to this day bc essentially he wasnt a real person like i could recognize him bc he was a damn hologram like miku and we had sex the end it was wild

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

-favorite cotton candy flavor (???): there are multiple flavors???? i just like the original pink i guess idk anything about cotton candy 

-ice cream: cookies n cream, cookie dough, vanilla, mint depending on where im getting it, and strawberry : )

-juice: does fruit punch count 

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

-i love singing and i can legit never stop

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

-i love love love red eyeshadow. the brighter the red, the better. i also love red eyeliner and just anything red in general, but i usually mainly use red eyeshadow bc i love the look; anything red = good

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

-i love bees !!! butterflies are cool too but bees are cute fluffy babies that essentially control whether we live or die

-uhh probably dog person but only bc i have one :0 i love cats too but im less sneezy and generally stressed when im with dogs lol

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

-i really do like sweets but i used to eat so much as a kid that im kind of sick of them now but i still like to eat the occasional cookie or cake or something

-i really like donuts !!! also any asian dessert (eastern, southern, western, EVERYWHERE) is amazing to me and i love eating them

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

-merperson !!! i love the ocean and maybe we can finally figure out whats at the bottom of it ; ) sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

-babe mainly, hon

-hey, you fucker

-u dumb egg

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

-i can barely swim now uggghhh but i swam for five years and i knew all the strokes and was super good at freestyle (haru who) !! now i can barely do the freestyle and that’s it lolwindflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them

-thebootydiaries: she’s funny !! anyone who i find funny i automatically like

-thatsthat24: thomas sanders is amazing. i love him and his friends so much and i think about being his friend a lot to the point where ill have dreams about suddenly being good friends with his whole posse aldjfal;fjl

-tatir0ckz: we used to talk a lot like back when we were both into hetalia but we never talk anymore ? which is fine ! but i remember a lot of our old convos and we skyped like once and idk 2012 was a simpler time

-adorable-as-fuck: i know her irl !! we went to the arcade like once and it was a ton of fun so we exchanged tumblrs and thats it and on the rare occasion that we’re both free, we might go to the arcade again !! idk its cool she’s super cool

-mhaikkun: her art style is so good and she doesnt upload as much on tumblr anymore but shes so cute and her clothing style and aesthetics is sooo good !! she’s a p cool person and her stories on twitter are always super wholesome aah

-this is more than five but ngl aphtextsfromnordics, incorrectknb and any other incorrect quotes blogs or text message blogs changed me as a person aldfj

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

-baker for sure ! baking just calms me down i think

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

-if i do have children, i want to tell them that i will never judge them for who they want to be. i hope they will be as open as possible and that i would never want to make them uncomfortable. i would encourage talking about problems and just communicating needs in general. idk, basically everything my biological parents didnt do

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

-tbh my parents are awful, awful parents (and one of them is just a purely disgustingly, horrid person) and i would never wish for them to tell me anything bc on the off chance that they did try to parent, it was to tell me how much of a burden i was, or something racist/homophobic, etc. 

-if they were better people, i wish they would have told me it was okay to be struggling and its okay to be lost rn. i wish they would have encouraged open communication and kindness but well, i learned that all myself : )

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

-nope! i sometimes really wish i did, but relationships honestly stress me out and idk how to talk to irl people : ( i love platonic relationships a little more honestly, makes me feel more comfortable

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

-sunset for sure lol i think sunsets are so pretty bc of all the colors that are involved and during that time period is when im doing something i like and im typically at home : ))

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

-i wake up early now bc of school but i usually sleep late and wake up late haha

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

-roasted green tea and lavender! anything flowery is nice too : )

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

-i only have one dog (a pomeranian) and her name is marzia! which is short for marzipan bc my dad didnt want to remember such a long name lol

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

-ye! most of the time theyre just silly names like spiky (for when we had a cactus a long time ago) or red/pink (the colors of the roses), etc. idk about now bc i dont have any plants currently

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

-hmm depends on the friend tbh

-but most of the time id rather sleep and be cozy !!!

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

-dipping !! i like ketchup or ketchup and mayo !! cheese fries are sooo good too

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

-i can bullshit a writing piece really bad and still get a good grade on it (seeing as most of the time i procrastinate until the night before and write the whole damn thing)

thanks for all of these questions anon !! if u can and ur comfortable, pls get off of anon sometime so we can talk !! im on tumblr a lot more now bc im procrastinating lol (and if my responses are late its bc im on mobile with no notifs on lol)

[milo-gin]

soft bias tag

tagged by @sugas-kookies thanks (imissyou)

❦ Who is your bias?

The man in my profile photo and his many sides and endeavours. Min Yoongi/Suga/PD/AGUST D

❦ What made you notice them?

Well, since I like talking I’ll write the entire story. One day (this is a pun and you’ll see why) I was watching art videos and ran into this amazing fanart of a guy with white hair and it said “AGUST D SPEEDPAINT” since I had a thing for white haired characters I gave it a go, without knowing it was KPOP related because as no one knows I despised kpop and their fandoms A LOT, moving on though, I went along and watched the entire thing and I after watching @auriee video more than 10 times I started to accept the fact that I REALLY LIKE THAT SONG AND I HAD TO KNOW THE MAN BEHIND IT. When I saw him maaaaan I fell, and as plus I was trying to get into rap a little more because I was in need of new music so this one fit the glove perfectly, then I procedeed to slowly tap the waters and listened to his other MV, after that I started reading the comments to see where could I download that mixtape, and found it on twitter...This wasnt enough though so I was like I need m o r e  music from him, and later on found out he was in a KPOP band and was like....NOPE...But slowly my curiousity and love for his outstanding talent go the better of me... So I explored this so called “BTS” and tried many songs didnt like any of them they were too hyped to get into them as a first, but then I found love of my life ONE DAY lol As a funny side note I later on discovered that it was almost meant to be I had both photos of him and Taehyung as hot guys I wanted to draw, the selca I’d saved was the following

So yeah....that’s my story LOL ❦ What’s your favorite thing about them?

I love that he speaks his mind, maybe because that’s a quality I lack also I love that he’s shy and aloof. That’s always been kind of the guys that I like physically they always have this coldness to them, but in reality they’re always the kindest people, and this is without a doubt the case with him too. He’s just such a nice and talented human. I admire him a lot, he’s such an inspirational soul.

❦ Who would initiate skinship more?

I think me if the scenario was perfect then we’d probably known each other for quite some time so i think I would be the one to make things happen since Im more of an acting kind than talking irl

❦ Who would hog blankets more?

i feel like because of the way I am I’d let him hog the blanket haha and get another one for myself so that he feels comfortable

❦ Who would be more clingy?

neither? I’m not clingy and yoongi doesn’t seem like he’s too clingy either

❦ Who would say ‘l love you’ first?

Damn...maybe me cuz I get attached super fast, and I am in a sort of “no ragrets” run so if I like, love, feel anything for someone I tell them. I now speak my mind more so than I ever did before cuz I learned the hard way that sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission as we say in spanish

❦ Who would be more easily flustered?

I think he’d pretend not to get flustered lol but he’d definitely get more flustered...depending on the situation also cuz I am very aloof about many things mostly when it comes to detaching myself from others 

❦ What cuddling position would you two have?

Not to be that person, but I’m a scorpio venus and moon...so maybe id be big spoon because i love babying the shit out of people, and I recently found out I love being big spoon, adding up Im a cancer mars so yeah there you go that’s why I like giving more than receiving

❦ Which colours remind you of them and why?

I think of blue idk why but that’s the color I associate with him, teals, and cold colors maybe the shade pigment too...basically dark and cold spectrum colors

❦ Which season would you like to spend with them?

I have no idea, but I think he doesnt function well in warm weather so summer is out of the table lol cuz he kinda doesnt like it. So maybe Winter or something that’s very chill not too cold or hot...balanced weather I guess that would be Spring

❦ Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

I dont bake lol so he’ll do it. I’ll be stealing

❦ Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

i’m a libra, end of the story. We make a lot of puns, i like puns if you dont like them we cant be friends

❦ Who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

Hmm seeing how he loves Holly i’ll convince him somehow and we’ll end up doing it haha

❦ Which one of you would nearly burn the down the kitchen to try to microwave a pop tart and who would come to rescue?

me...I always burn stuff while cooking. Im sorry, im a poor excuse of a woman

❦ Who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back?

I fear heights so...maybe none of us. I dont know him lol so I wouldnt know how he’d act on this one

❦ What would watching a horror film with them be like?

I dont think he’d watch a scary film, he’s said he doesnt like them so he avoids them and he seems like the stubborn type when it comes to things he likes to do which is why he always says that he wants to be with someone that is very similar to himself. So i cant imagine it sorry. I just dont think it could work

❦ Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

I think he’d be the cheesy flirt hahahhaa he’s a softie and he’s sometimes very impulsive from what i’ve picked up so he’d do it and regret it immediately. I know that I am very smooth as a flirter cuz I just ignore people i like o _ o ) but jokes aside in a comfortable situation I am very smooth

❦ Who is more competitive?

hmmm i think none of us haha i dont think things are worth fighting about when they’re not serious like games, sports, all those things I take them as entertainment and I want to take out stress. If I take it seriously and compete ill stress out which is missing the point of the whole thing.  Given the way he’s with music I think he’d end up competing and ill be like “meh” ahaha but on the inside id be like “i dont wanna play anymore cuz i keep losing” 

❦ Who would have to be given constant reminders (remember to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc.)

MEEEE lol I hate that shit. It’s my “pet peeve” it gets under my skin, I hate being told what to do when I know I have to do it.

❦ Who sends memes and who sees cute ‘I miss you’ texts at 3am?

I get cheesy at 3 am and im usually awake very late so I’d send the “I miss you” text and he’d respond with a meme of his face like

I think he’d do that cuz he likes acting all cool and stuff, but inside he’d be dying when told someone missed him (maybe like ive said I wish i knew him but I can only speculate from what I’ve picked up on his lives and stuff they’ve done for us to be a little more “public”) I’ll tag: @jin-sin @billiethebean @chiminichichi @lukello (idk if youll do this cuz i know how you see your boo) @hobislobster @gaypopped @daegutown @its-suga-sweet @jungkookiimonster @sugaa @anaevilbanana

[insaneasylumready]

This....

Okay, so... I just watched something, very very moving. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhEATqXnXCI) and... No im not anorexic but I feel like I need to spread how this made me feel because Jaiden put into words the same things I felt for a long long time now. 

To use Jaiden’s analogy, Mental illness of any kind is just like waves crashing over you when you try to come back up for air. Its suffocating and devastating. Like Jaiden, I go out of my way to make sure people are okay, and I don't care anymore if im okay or not as long as I can make people feel better if I can save them from the demons in their mind while my own play their fucking games with me. 

To put into perspective, since some of you (im pretty sure only 7 people follow me.... I think 3 know me irl? idrk but that's beside the point.) don't know jack about my mental state. I struggle with self-harm.... mostly cutting, but other less severe forms as well. Every.Single.Time that I feel like I am getting better I fall more than before. And I hate myself for it. Even recently I went to a Psychiatrist and for the time being, I was fine, so I told him such... But, If I go back now? Id probably have to change my story a bit. Anyway, I hate myself to no ends, I wish I looked different, I wish I never knew what it felt like to corrupt my own skin. But I do. And that alone is eating me alive. 

...Sometimes I call for help, and when I do no one struggles to help me, to pull me out of it... But even I can tell it's getting less and less effective. I don't want to lose myself. I don't, and maybe this itself is a call for help in a sense? Idk, as im writing this im intending it as more of a PSA, It is supposed to be an explanation that maybe someone else can use to explain their head fog?

It doesn't matter what mental illness you have, or disorder, etc. even the mildest cases probably feel the same way. Even if it is reduced. The thing about that is, if you let it consume you, you may never escape... So, and this advice goes to myself as well, In case I forget like I do sometimes. Know you're not bothering anyone by reaching out, they will worry and they will wonder what to do. But all you need to do sometimes is reach out to someone who can help you. 

Truthfully, I am here for anyone, idgaf what your suffering from... Ill do my best to help you. Just don't be surprised if I need help sometimes too. Sometimes I forget who I am, what I can do. etc. etc. Sometimes I really do forget that every life is worth it, including myself. Because everyone's story has a significance to something... 

It's scary sometimes too when you want to die people will often ask “why” or “who did this?” but there really isn't an answer... Even when im in a truly loving relationship that I want to be in and I want to experience for ages to come, I still have the gnawing thought that I should just die..... Even if I love them, including more than S/O, but friends, and friend like family. etc.... As much as I want to keep my life for them, it's agonizing at the same time to keep it for me. 

I want to get better, I want to stop mauling my skin like some rabid animal, I want to stop hiding my cut scars, I want to stop the headaches that show up when I sleep too much or too little, I want to stop belittling myself, I want to stop feeling like I am some fucking horrible person because of who I am....I want to stop wanting to die. I want to live and be happy.

I just don't know how to... 

But, Im working on it... and like I said before, I'll be here for anyone, always. Don't succumb to the demons. I know they are loud, and I know they are painful. But, Please... If you don't feed it what it wants, then eventually the monster will die. If I don't cut myself, then one day the demon won't tell me to anymore, because the demon will have died. Kill your demons, don't give them what they want. 

Im here for you, Whoever you guys may be.

- InsaneAsylumReady

Thank you @jaiden-animations for your video...  Truly, it moved me to tears (and this message) and trust me when I say you are so so strong and that you are absolutely beautiful. Thank you for being so amazing, You truly are. 

[canonicallyanxious]

this is soo selfish of me to ask but can I please ask what your thoughts are to how simon and bram find each other in the 'we fell like rain' au?? Like do you think it'd happen the same, because I guess they cant give away all that much away about one another without the other one guessing, bc they know a lot more about each other, being best friends? Like Simon could mention one thing about an oreo and I can imagine bram guessing it, haha. But Id really love to hear your thoughts on this! (1/2)

(2/2) bc that fic you wrote is sooo beautiful, I'm so curious as to how everything would play out in that world. I wonder if Simon might have been able to guess it in this verse?? Ahh, so many questions haha sorry! Love your writing

Hi friend! first of all thank you so much for your kind words and for thinking about we fell like rain!! It honestly means the world to me that you would want to know more about this verse like idk it’s just beyond amazing to me that anyone would want to?? second before i proceed i just wanted to say i believe very firmly in death to the author so if you have your own hcs and ideas about what happens next you are 1000000% free to have them and they are totally, completely valid - as I most likely won’t be continuing this verse, your guess is honestly as good as mine! having said that, here are some of the thoughts i have [with a cut bc yikes this got long]:

so first of all i think it’s worth mentioning that unlike Bram, i don’t think Simon would be quite as aware of his feelings for Bram; in simon vs, he’s very adamant about having a “policy of not falling for straight guys” in relation to Nick and so i feel like that would kind of carry over to Bram too if they happened to be close friends, especially considering Simon is much more oblivious and less self aware than Bram is; the feelings might be there, but would he recognize them as such? that’s harder to determine. i feel like he’s the kind of person who’d take his thoughts of how attractive Bram is and be like “but obviously everyone thinks that of him” kind of similarly to how Bram was with Simon in the fic lol

i can see it going a lot of ways, of course, but in my head the trajectory of the plot at least is pretty similar [at least in terms of their relationship developing through email, the blackmail plot, Simon being outed, etc.; one would have to imagine in addition to this their irl friendship would be developing, too - think of the pining!]. i’m not sure that i think Bram would figure out who Jacques was sooner than he did in canon [although you could maybe make the argument that he might have figured it out pretty soon in canon], mostly because he would probably try not to get his hopes up even more fiercely than in simon vs. i feel like his self-preservation instincts are pretty strong, so he’d be trying to protect himself from himself if that makes sense? in that sense, i feel like for him there would be an added dimension of, like, first of all trying really hard to get over irl simon [and maybe not being able to] and seeing similarities between jacques and irl simon as himself projecting his feelings onto jacques, subsequently resulting in lots of guilt and stuff. which could potentially cloud his perception a lot! but after a while i feel like even Bram wouldn’t be able to ignore it.

On Simon’s end, i’m not sure he’d be able to guess it either. It’s conceivable that he would! in my head though the fact that Bram actually mentioned the person he has feelings for in his original post would probably cause him to be even more careful about the information he divulges; it’s a big school but i’m sure Bram is well aware of the fact that most people would know who his “group” is. also there’s all the aforementioned not really in touch with his feelings and probably would make a conscious effort not to assume it was anyone he actually knew stuff

with all that in mind, in canon the emails were very much the one place these boys could be really open about themselves and talk about being gay, and that would still be a big thing in this verse, but i find the idea that the emails are the one place they can be open about being gay but not really much else about themselves to be compelling when juxtaposed with how Simon and Bram share lots of themselves with each other but they feel like they can’t be open about this one big thing. it would certainly be interesting to explore the feelings of that! 

and then you have to wonder how Bram would react to Simon being outed. if he hadn’t figured it out already he would DEFINITELY know then, but i don’t think he’d be ready to tell Simon that he’s Blue. there would probably be a lot of guilt there that he knows all this stuff about Simon that he feels like he shouldn’t know, because would Simon have told him if he’d known it was Bram [i mean, debatable that this doubt of Bram’s is all that founded, but you have to imagine the tumultuous heightened emotions of this situation]?? so maybe that would fracture their irl friendship too a little, if Bram was too overwhelmed with, like, the guilt of knowing all this stuff, plus the guilt of not being able to be there for Simon in the way he really wants to be [i.e - not posing as a straight ally], plus confusion over Simon potentially being into Cal. Blue pulling away in the emails - would Bram pull away in real life too? Hm. Maybe.

anyway, obviously i never got around to figuring out a proper outline so i really don’t know what else i would have changed if i had decided to continue with this verse [and honestly the fact that i figured the endgame at least would be the same made it easy to make the decision not to; i can’t write canon better than becky can!] but i like to think of the weight “it’s you” would have in this verse. like, maybe it wouldn’t have occurred to Simon before that very moment, at least not on a conscious level, but at the same time it wouldn’t surprise him at all. it would just make sense, on a level he wouldn’t even be able to articulate. and the relief that both of them would probably feel that they can finally be completely, 100% honest with each other? Fucking unreal, I would imagine.

in light of all that, i don’t think much would have to be changed from canon to make an interesting story. The interesting part [to me] would be how just this one change in the story could affect the complexity of their feelings. Same story, more or less, but a host of different emotions driving it!

Anyway. that’s pretty much all i’ve got on this subject. i hope this satisfies you, anon, though if you want to keep discussing this i’m honestly more than game. thank you so much for this opportunity to talk about this verse