#if i ever consider getting it again - and there isn't a major sale on it

[ricoka]

I almost bought the sketchbook with the insane price but then I thought about just how much money that is for 64 pages (128 to work on I guess??) FOR A SKETCHBOOK

I think it would be a waste of money because I'd be too scared to draw in it. There'd be too much pressure to make everything good and that's not what a sketchbook is for to me

[skzhua]

Caroling to my Heart

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Lee Minho x Female!Reader

Genre: Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Christmas love story, angst, fluff.

Word Count: 14,653

Warnings: Swearing, talks of regrets, mentions of alcohol, heartbreaks.

Summary: Christmas is meant to be spent with your loved ones. Minho stopped loving a long time ago.

A/N: Credits to my boyfriend for the general idea of the plot (story is all me, though)

November nearing its end, Chrismas was approaching quickly. Children playing in the snow, shops filled with decorations to sell for the holidays, sales everywhere for presents shopping, music playing everywhere you go; truly the most wonderful time of the year.

At least, that's what most people think.

Chan has always loved Christmas. He always took it as an opportunity to gather up with his college friends with whom life was always enjoyable. Jeongin had recently gotten a promotion at work which he took very seriously, Hyunjin finally opened his dog rescue center a few years back, Felix was happily getting married in the following spring, Seungmin had finally started to get recognition for his stand up comedy shows, Changbin had entered a production company with Chan, and Jisung was finally seeing someone after not daring to date for years.

And then, there is Minho.

Him and Chan used to be the closest friends ever, and Minho was always the life of the party. He messed around in college, got good grades, made his way up to become a successful lawyer. Overall, things had turned out pretty well for him.

What Minho considered as his biggest accomplishment was his lover. The apple of his eyes, the prettiest woman he had ever laid eyes upon, the sunshine of his life. Y/N was in the same major as him, one of the top students. It started out as a very typical college love story. He was annoying her, she found him funny, they were paired for a project, they got closer, and they got together in a matter of weeks. From that point, life was perfect. They moved out together after college, adopted a ton of cats, went on so many trips outside of the country... they even got engaged.

That was until Minho messed it all up, losing everything he loved the most in one go.

Ding dong.

Jumping at the sound, Minho takes a second to recover and puts the movie he was watching on pause. He checks the clock; it is 7 o'clock in the evening. He wasn't expecting anybody to visit him. Nonetheless, he goes over his front door and looks into the peephole. He isn't surprised to see Chan waiting patiently with a plastic bag in hands. He rolls his eyes in annoyance before letting his friend in, greeting him boringly.

"Hey, Chan," he says before yawning loudly.

The older man looks him up and down, analyzing every bit of his friend's appearance. "Wow, you look like shit."

Minho doesn't answer, giving Chan the death stare instead. "What do you want?"

"Well," he starts while allowing himself to get comfortable on the couch. "Jisung is presenting his new girlfriend to us and because you didn't answer in the group chat, I thought I would check on you."

"Tonight? No, I have to get up early tomorrow."

Chan's shoulders drop as Minho, once again, declines an invitation. "You haven't come to see us in months."

Minho shrugs, visibly not seeing a problem. "I'm just very busy. I have cases coming in all the time and I can't trust my associate to work on them."

"You're overworking yourself, a break would do you some good. Besides, we miss you."

It's not that he doesn't want to see his friends, of course he does. He just knows very well he'll only end up ruining the night by not being the funny guy he used to be.

"I don't know."

Chan takes a nicely ironed shirt out of his plastic bag and puts it on the coffee table in front of him, and stands up to walk to the door. "You're welcomed to drop by if you change your mind. It's at the restaurant we used to go in college."

"Why the shirt?" Minho's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Consider it as an early Christmas gift from me."

After throwing a small smile his way, Chan opens the door and leaves. Minho finds himself alone again, perplexed. He approaches the shirt and scrutinizes it. It's a designer piece which does not surprise him, Chan has always been the kind to go an extra mile for his loved ones. Looking at the clock again, it indicates 7:20 P.M. Does he still have time to go? It would mean he has to shower, get dressed, drive all the way to the restaurant... Right, that specific restaurant.

He will visit his friends, just not tonight.

2 years ago.

Christmas was the most important holiday to Y/N. It brought so much nostalgia to her and she absolutely adored every aspect of it. Baking cookies and go ice skating were part of the many activities she loved doing in December.

This was also the first year she had to spend it away from her family. She didn't regret choosing to study so far away from home but it hurt nonetheless. It would be difficult and Minho knew that.

Y/N had to work an extra shift that night if she wanted the day of Christmas Eve off. It was ridiculous, she thought. As if the restaurant really needed her to stay so late. Coming home, Y/N was so glad to finally be able to relax as she climbed up the stairs.

Meanwhile, Minho was waiting excitedly at the front door of their shared apartment. He made sure the gingerbread cookies were all ready to be assembled to construct a house, checked if the Christmas lights were working fine, and put a playlist of Y/N's favourite holiday songs on his speaker.

"Soonie!" he yelled frantically at his cat as he saw him get on the counter. "You don't want to ruin your mama's night, do you?"

He picked him up and brought it close to his body, petting his head lovingly. Needless to say, this couldn't be a cuter sight to have when Y/N walked in.

"Hey, my two favourite boys," she chuckled at them before taking in how well-decorated the home was. "Min, did you set up all this?"

Her boyfriend put his pet down before bringing her into his arms. "I did. You've been feeling off recently, I thought it'd be a good idea to cheer you up. And since Christmas is next week, why not decorate cookies for the occasion?"

"You made gingerbread cookies?!"

Y/N's eyes lit up from seeing the baked goods and she rushed to go sit at the counter. Minho smiled at himself, proud he had managed to lit up her inner light just a little.

"Thank Felix for these."

"Well, thank you Felix."

Present.

Minho remembers every night she came home from that workplace. He always tried to make her feel better each time, Y/N despised working so late but she somehow always stayed positive.

How much he misses her.

Minho gasps for air, sweat all over his body. He had another nightmare, nothing unusual. What is odd is the phone ringing nonstop at this hour of the day; 4 o'clock. Who in their right mind would call someone so early?

"What?"

The person on the other side of line doesn't respond, Minho can only hear them breathe unsteadily.

"Hello?"

"Minho," Jisung finally speaks. "Sorry to bother you this early."

"It's 4:00 A.M."

"I know, I know. Just, I'm getting worried about you and I can't call you tomorrow –well, today–  or you'll say you're busy with work as always. You're not okay and I think you could use a friend."

Although not wrong, his statement fueled Minho with annoyance and frustration. He doesn't need help, or anyone for that matter.

"Minho?" Jisung speaks up again as he doesn't get a response.

"Good night, Jisung," he simply says with the intention of hanging up.

"Wait!" he hurries to stop him. "If you don't want to talk for your own sake, at least do it for mine. Not just mine, the other guys' too."

Sure, Minho hates talking about his feelings. Still, he's not a monster and cares a lot about his friends nonetheless. Feeling a bit obligated, he agrees.

"So, uhm, who's your new girlfriend?" he asks, getting uncomfortable already.

"She's a friend of Jeongin. Remember that girl he worked with in college? Well, that's her. She's so nice, I wonder why Jeongin hadn't introduced me to her sooner. She kind of reminds me of..." he trails off but stops himself before stepping out of line.

"I'm happy for you two. I'm sorry I couldn't come."

Jisung lets out a huff. "Thank you but I know you could have, you just didn't want to."

"That's not-"

"Don't lie, Minho," he cuts him off. "You didn't come because of her, am I right? Because of Y/N again?"

Minho can feel his heart tighten while his friends keeps going at it, insisting on speaking about her. He doesn't want to, is it so hard to understand?

"Let's not talk about her."

"That's the problem, Minho. You never want to open up about it."

"She left. What is there more to say?"

"How you're coping with all, how we can help-"

"The only thing you can do to help is leave me alone. I'm doing just fine. Talking was a bad idea, I should go back to bed."

"Min..." Jisung says in a desperate voice.

"Good night."

As he hangs up, he can sense it might have gone too far. Regardless, he discards his phone on his nightstand and buries his body in his bedsheets. He hears meowing coming from the entrance of his room. A second later, his cat Dori jumps on the mattress to come and lay next to him. Minho reluctantly cuddles the cat back, his last one he got with Y/N. Dori is technically her baby but she left so suddenly that Minho had no other choice but to keep him.

"Where are your brothers?" he whispers affectionately to the ball of fur who replies with some more purring. "Are Soonie and Doongie sleeping too?"

Chan is probably the only one able to get Minho out of his house, especially during Christmas time. Maybe it is guilt or shame that he feels, but Minho hasn't been so great ever since he had his early chitchat with Jisung. Shopping for presents wasn't what he had in mind when he thought of making up for it but Chan insisted it would be a good idea.

"Look," he says while pointing at the pig plush on the top of the pile. "It looks like Changbin."

Minho shrugs. "I guess it does."

"What about this?"

He looks boringly at the shirt Chan is showing. Yeah, maybe he should have done something else to make the most of his day off. A good meal at home seems so much more appealing to him.

"Come on," Chan encourages him. "Enjoy a bit."

"I am enjoying, look," Minho tries to convince him with a forced smile.

"Hmm, maybe it's time to go to the food court and take a break."

Dragging his friend behind, Chan moves from restaurant to restaurant in search of a meal for his lunch. After a while of debating internally, he settles for a hamburger. As for Minho, rice with pork seems to be tasty enough. They sit at a table and start to eat in silence. Minho looks around the place, watching people chat and laugh. He sees one couple in particular and they remind him too much of Y/N. Adverting his gaze from this spot, he focuses back on his food before speaking.

"I was thinking of buying a new hoodie for Jisung."

Chan is surprised his friend is even conversing with him but smiles. "A hoodie? Doesn't he have plenty of them already?"

"He does but he sent me a picture of one specifically the other day."

"Then you should buy it for him. Have you heard from him, by the way?"

Minho gulps. "No."

Although suspicious, Chan doesn't push it. They quickly finish their lunch and decide to head towards a clothing store to find Jisung's present. At a certain point, they unconsciously part ways as they look at different pieces of clothing. Minho would look for Chan but he has the hoodie to find. Chan is fine on his own anyway, he tells himself. He goes to the right section and begins to browse through each item. He frowns as he inspects them, not convinced these would be appropriate for his friend.

"Minho?"

He freezes in place. Has he gone crazy or has he just heard Y/N's voice?

"Minho," she says again.

Finally turning around, he is somewhat relieved that it isn't his former girlfriend, but her sister. "Deena," he greets her politely.

"It's been a while, wow. How have you been?" she asks cheerfully, too much in his opinion.

"Nothing much."

She seems taken aback by the short length of his answer. Minho used to be the nicest man she knows. Of course, she doesn't know the full story about what happened. Nonetheless, she still considers Minho as family. So seeing him so lifeless in front of her is quite a shocker.

"I'm in a bit of a rush but we should go grab coffee soon and catch up," she suggests but from the look on Minho's face, she knows she shouldn't have.

"I'm pretty busy."

"Alright," she answers, uneasy. "I'll see you around then."

"Yeah."

Without adding anything, he resumes to looking through the hoodies. Deena eventually leaves and Minho feels like he can breathe again.

He has nothing against his former "sister-in-law" but seeing her so unexpectedly is not something he has prepared himself for. He will go grab a coffee with her when he feels ready to.

Chan comes back a few minutes after with a couple of black shirts and an oversized pair of jeans he picked for Jeongin. As they wait to pay for their things, Minho can feel that Chan has something to say. It wasn't an abnormal occurrence but this time feels like it's eating him inside.

"What is it?"

Chan hesitates for a second. "It was Deena, right?"

He hums. "Yes."

"I'm running out of ways to tell you appropriately but you need to get your shit together. The girl did nothing to you and she seemed to be on the verge of crying when she left the store."

Minho rolls his eyes, like always. "What do you want me to do? Run after her and apologize? I didn't do anything."

"Exactly. Dude, everyone around you is getting sick of your way of dealing with what happened. Sure, your feelings are valid. This doesn't mean you have to inflict your pain onto us. We only want to help," Chan responds, not realizing his tone is increasing more and more.

"Always wanting to play the good savior, uh?" Minho scoffs. "In front of strangers too? Look, I don't need you to tell me how to be. You're not my dad or anything."

"I took you under my wing in college, of course I'm still looking out for you."

"That was back then. I don't need your pity anymore."

Chan's jaw clenches as the two men stare right into the eye. The cashier awkwardly calls for them to proceed to payment which breaks their staring contest. They hurry to pay before storming out of the mall, both of them fuming with anger. The moment they get into Chan's car, the latter explodes.

"This has lasted long enough. How long has it been now? A year?"

"Eleven months," Minho corrects.

"Whatever, same difference. My point is that it might be time for you to move on or at least stop being such a pain in the ass."

Minho's eyebrows raise as he lets out a chuckle. "I didn't know such strong words could come out of your mouth."

"Minho," Chan says in a warning tone.

"So what if I'm not as easygoing as before? You don't understand how it feels anyway."

"Help me understand, then!"

"You just wouldn't!"

He surprised himself by yelling so harshly. The hint of regret creeps up but he tries to hide it by looking away. They both know this is the end of this conversation, neither want to continue anyway. Chan starts the car and the ride home can't be any worse. The tension is so heavy, he swears he feels his body crushing.

Still in silence, he drops Minho off in front of his apartment complex and drives away. Face blank, Minho goes in his building and lazily enters the elevator. It's like he's in a daze, not fully aware of himself. Before he knows it, he's back home sitting at his counter with three cats waiting patiently in front of him as they expect him to fill their bowls with food. But he remains still and stares at nothing in particular. Has he gone too far this time?

In all of the people he knows, Chan is the last one he would have thought to snap at him so harshly. Most importantly, he never thought he'd yell at him for no reason. For the first time in a while, Minho allows one single tear drop from his eye.

Christmas has come. Well, almost. Work has been the same and no contact have been made with anyone for the last week or so. The lack of human interaction felt both good and bad, but mostly aching.

Every day is the same, Minho realizes. Waking up, eating a very mediocre peanut butter toast with coffee, scrolling through his feed on social medias, getting dressed, going to work, bossing his ass off in return of a less than decent pay, coming back home, eating, washing up, going to bed, sleeping, only to do the same all over again the next day.

In a way, he loves not having to think about planning things out. On the other hand, his life is becoming more and more dull with less of a purpose. Why is he alive for if it's only to do the same task over and over again?

For a change, Minho decides to start a Christmas film instead of rotating watches of the same five movies. A mistake he does is not reading the synopsis before pushing play on the remote. He settles comfortably on his couch while Soonie and Doongie cuddle next to him. Dori is somewhere nearby, playing with a piece of paper Minho had dropped on the floor earlier that week.

At first, the show is boring he thinks. The more the story develops, however, the more he sees the resemblance between himself and the protagonist. The movie is A Christmas Carol, one Y/N once had begged him to watch with her. Scrooge is very unlikable, there is no denying in that. But Minho tries to ignore the similarities he shares with him and keeps on watching the screen in silence. At some point, it simply became impossible to ignore the tightness in his chest. In an abrupt move, he turns the TV off, picks up his two cats, and heads to bed.

Christmas is so near, he thinks as he is watching his alarm clock getting closer to midnight. He really does his best to not make a big deal out of it but his mind can't stop having these images of Y/N, his friends, Christmas... everything. He can't escape pain, no matter what.

Thankfully, Dori comes in his room to join the other felines which distracts him for a second, just long enough so he can finally fall asleep.

The clock indicates 11:55 P.M. when Minho is in a deep sleep and the only sounds that can be heard throughout the whole flat are the appliances running and the cats snoring. Maybe some snores are coming from the man himself but they are faint. Slowly, Doongie wakes up. He wiggles around to find a new comfortable position but fails and falls off the bed. Luckily, cats always land on their feet. He was going to hop back on the bed but a weird sound catches his attention. It sounds like a bell. Curious, he comes out of the room in attempt to find where it comes from. But nothing. Or maybe there is something.

A faint light can be perceived from the bottom of the front door. The cat carefully gets closer, lowering his body. In a single snap, something flies right from under the door and moving straight into Minho's room which scares Doongie well enough to go hide in his cat tree and let out a cry.

This immediately wakes Minho up as his instinctive cat dad senses take over but it is soon replaced with an unsettling feeling as he sees the bright light in front of him. He squints as it almost blinds him but he wants to know what it is. He can feel his heartbeat increase by the second as the source of light gets closer and closer. Holding his breath, he shut his eyes closed and moves his head away from whatever that is. Until he hears a sigh too familiar to his liking.

He dares to open his eyes and his shoulders drop at the sight. "Chan?"

It's not exactly Chan, it is more of a ghost-like version of him. He wears a very formal suit with his hair styled with gel and his body is translucent, making Minho very skeptical. This is a dream, he thinks. Chan is very much alive and very much not in his apartment. Certainly not after the events of the other day.

"I see you didn't even reach out to me."

Minho frowns and looks around the room as if to make sure he really is speaking to him. "What do you mean?"

Chan chuckles, his voice sounding more like an echo. "After our fight, dumbass! Come on, you weren't going to leave things as it is until Christmas."

He checks his alarm clock quickly. "Well, it is Christmas."

"In five minutes," Chan smirks at him. "I know the past few months have been hard on you."

"Great, even my subconscious is trying to fix me," he whispers to himself, loud enough that the ghost-like figure hears it.

"As in a dream?" Minho nods to the question only for Chan to laugh some more. "You're funny. Anyway, I'm not here for fun. I'm here to help you."

"You tried that already," Minho grumbles in an annoyed voice but receives a shook of the head as an answer.

"My human self tried, I haven't tried yet. You see, I only appear if I'm really needed and your case is a pretty severe one."

Minho tries to protest but is quickly shushed.

"Look, this is a night shift on Christmas Eve, I don't want this any more than you do so let's do it quickly. I'll send you three spirits tonight before it hits midnight. They'll guide you through your entire life and help you make the right choice. Got it?"

"Midnight is in five minutes."

"I know."

"But-"

"You'll understand," Chan cuts him off. "As for now, bon voyage."

Not even conscious that he had been awake —or dreaming— Minho hears a snap of fingers before opening his eyes widely and gasping for air as he wakes up. He is still somewhat confused, but rather glad this was simply a dream. He can feel that the sweat has gone through his pyjamas and makes a face out of disgust.

Quickly, he eats breakfast and freshens up before leaving for work. Yes, he is working on Christmas day. This might be the only way he can get distracted from everything going wrong in his life.

As he approches his work building, he notices a young man. He looks awfully similar to Jeongin but not quite. Curiosity gets the best of him, however, and Minho instinctively walks up to the man. He takes a moment to scan his appearance: he's shorter than Jeongin, has light golden hair and wears loose white streetwear clothing. He also takes notes on the grey of his eyes.

"Lee Minho!" he says cheerfully before Minho could let out a single word.

The man jumps in surprise. "Jeongin?"

He shakes his head as a no and smiles brightly. "No, my name is P."

"P..." Minho repeats slowly, slightly confused.

"Shall we go in?"

He doesn't wait for an answer as he begins to walk and Minho automatically follows him into his building, assuming this boy might be a new worker in his firm. They hop onto the elevator together and P pushes the button to level 7. As Minho is about to look for his own floor, he notices something odd. The building has 26 levels. So why the hell are the numbers going up to 30? He slowly turns to come face to face with the younger man who keeps a wide smile on his face, fear creeping in.

"Who are you?" he dares to ask.

"I told you, I'm P!" the boy repeats with an even bigger grin, almost creepy. "Short for Past."

Oh. Oh no. It all suddenly clicks in Minho's head. Either this is a dream occuring because of the movie he had watched before going to bed or this is his own story of A Christmas Carol. He pinches the side of his arm, hoping he would be back in his room but it only results to him hissing in pain.

"Do you remember your Christmas when you were seven years old?" Minho can only glare at him but P doesn't seem to care. "This might refresh your memories."

The doors of the elevator open right after and not only are they not in his workplace anymore but the setting is exactly as he remembers it from his childhood. They are right on the street of his parents' home. The street is empty, understandably so because of the light snow falling down and the cold weather. It is early in the morning and his childhood home looks much smaller than he remembers, and in a much poorer state.

P walks out first before turning around, encouraging Minho to follow. "Can they see me?"

"No."

The answer satifies Minho and he finally steps out of the elevator, letting himself get led by this Jeongin look-alike. He wonders why this specific time was chosen in all of his years of life. He ponders the idea of asking P but it soon vanishes when he spots his younger self coming out of the house with his parents observing him in a loving way. A knot forms in his belly. He hasn't talked to his parents since Y/N left. Are they doing okay? Maybe he should have called a few times at least.

"Can we bring one home?" younger Minho asks his mom, eyes full of hope.

"Do you want a kitten as your Christmas gift?" his mother asks and the child happily nods. "We'll go see the cats and I'll think about it, okay?"

Satisfied enough, he skips down the street while humming a Christmas song. Oddly enough, it is Y/N's favourite: Winter Wonderland.

Minho watches his former self with nostalgia. He remembers the moment perfectly. This was the first time he ever owned a cat after begging his mother to get one years after years. He had named her Nala, which he thought was very clever at the time.

"Can we follow them?"

P takes his hand, much to Minho's surprise, and they begin to float just slightly above ground and fly right to where his past self is. He doesn't question the spirit about how this works and resumes to watching himself coo at the cats. For a brief moment, his eyes advert from the scene and land on his parents. But there is something catching his attention. He sees his father emptying his wallet as well as his mom before they give it to the worker. His breath gets heavier as he looks back and forth from them to himself.

"Is this why my mother stopped going out for tea with her friends? And why my father couldn't take my mother out for dates? They used to argue so much about it..." Minho almost whispers.

"Parents make great sacrifices for their children," P says longingly.

"Why didn't they tell me?"

P shrugs. "Probably because you were a literal child but also because they didn't want you to feel bad."

"My grandmother would have helped us in an instant if she knew."

P shrugs again. "They didn't want help."

He easily catches on why the ghost brought him at this exact moment. Just in time, Minho gets a hold of himself and says in incoherent words that he won't fall for P's tricks. The latter isn't nearly fazed by this statement and he takes the man's hand to bring him back to the elevator in a quick flying trip.

After the door closes, Minho is relieved that he can finally go back home. That is until P pushes the button for level 18 which earns a frown from Minho.

"Aren't we done?"

"No, you have other things left to see before I send you back. Well, a few more years to see."

"And me at 18 years old was an important year?"

P sends him a knowing look but he acts clueless, as if he doesn't know what happened back then although it's painfully obvious he does. Denial is the best way to cope, isn't it?

The doors open to the hallway of his college dorm he used to share with Chan. He can instantly recognize the said-man and Changbin joking around before they walk in his dorm. Without waiting for P, Minho follows and freezes when he stumbles upon Y/N. This moment was merely over two months into their relationship but he could tell he already knew she was his everything at that time.

Y/N greets the two boys and encourages them to put their wrapped presents under the mini Christmas tree she had insisted on making to display in his small living room. Meanwhile, a nearly adult Minho is unwrapping takeout as he watches the scene with a huge smile.

"What took you two so long?" he asks, walking towards the group with the food in hands.

"Chan's fault," Changbin immediately accuses, earning a stare from the older man.

"Not true."

"I'm not the one who lost Hyunjin's present."

Hyunjin's eyes lit up. "You got me a present?"

A small smirk appears on Chan's face. "I got all of you a present."

"Even me?"

Minho's heart tightens. He still struggles to listen to your voice and because you were there physically in front of him, it pains him so much more.

"Even you."

"Can we open them?" Felix asks, eyes lighting up.

"After eating," younger Minho says in a stern voice. "Otherwise, you'll get your dirty ass hands on the gifts, or on anything for that matter."

Y/N glances at Jisung with a knowing smirk that his friend returns, something he hadn't caught onto back then. She still hastens to give Minho a hand with all of the food dishes, not forgetting to give a napkin to each person. He knows he can be a bit peculiar with keeping his place tidy and he never wanted Y/N to feel pressured with that. Still, it visibly seemed to have been a common issue she and Jisung had with him.

"Y/N, I thought you were supposed to go back home for the holidays," Seungmin tells with food already being chewed in his mouth.

"I was," she confirms. "Minho and I determined we wanted to spend our first Christmas together and, sorry, but I rather be here than with my aunts. They were going to be all over me about not knowing what I want to do with life, I can spare myself from it."

The whole group lets out a laugh as they go on with their feast before discussing all sorts of things. Hyunjin and Chan are in the corner laughing their asses off, much to Minho's dismay who is keeping a close look at his white carpet. Hyunjin has always been clumsy and this wouldn't be the first time he spills something.

Present Minho watches it all, fully aware of what is about to happen. He never regretted getting mad at his friend for a small spoil but this kind of behaviour is one of the many that contributed to his separation. He sees what P is trying to do by showing him this.

"I get the point, can we go?"

P chuckles. "After you know what."

In shame, he observes from the corner of the eye himself exploding at Hyunjin for staining the carpet, Chan nagging at him for doing so, the boys uncomfortably watching the scene as they back away from him... and he catches a glimpse of Y/N getting the necessities to get rid of the sauce stain, not even complaining.

"I think we're good here," he tries again to convince P.

He receives a playful smirk from the spirit. "Are you sure?"

Minho groans but, nonetheless, nods. "Please."

P is quick to grab his hand and fly right back into the elevator, doors shutting behind them. He does give Minho a minute or two to recuperate from the sight before pushing the button 24. Minho's eyes are stuck on the lit up number and gulps, feeling suddenly hotter. That was last year.

"Don't you have another Christmas to show me before..." he trails off.

He is met with no answer and has to settle for the tranquility of the metal box going up. Anxiety keeps letting itself known through his body the more the number rises. Finally, after what felt like eternity to him, the ding sound signals that they have reached the level.

"You might want to prepare yourself for this one."

Minho huffs and glares at the ghost as to tell him "no shit". The doors slide open and they are already in his apartment. At least, P was kind enough to spare him from reliving what triggered the actual argument.

His cats are all doing their thing as normally. All seems out of the ordinary until he feels footsteps through the ground. He takes a deep breath in and watches Y/N barge into the place, hair messy and tears streaming down her face. The guilt pit down in his stomach when he sees himself step inside after you, throwing his scarf carelessly on a chair.

"Are you going to talk at least?" he asks, looking down at Y/N who scoffs at her boyfriend's question.

How dare he is the one demanding explanations from her?

"Are you going to talk about it?" she questions back, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Oh, come on, I didn't do anything."

"Telling everyone you want to call off the engagement is something."

P hisses in a disapproving way. "Man, you outdid yourself with this one."

"Shut up."

Y/N still waits for Minho to speak up but nothing comes out of his mouth other than his unsteady breathing. In a swift manner, she walks behind the counter and fills their cats' bowls in the meantime of waiting still for her lover to say something. But the man stays where he is, observing his surroundings in awkwardness.

"Minho," she finally calls out.

"I didn't call off the engagement."

"Really? Saying getting married is bullshit isn't telling everyone you don't want to marry me?"

"It's not like that. I meant it's not a necessity for us to know we love each other."

"You don't get that marriages can mean something other than that, it's so much more."

"It's an excuse to spend thousands of dollars on things that will last a day or two at most."

Y/N buried her face in her hands as she let out a groan. "You've always been like this."

"Realistic?"

"No, a grumpy old man. You can't see the beauty in anything."

Minho smirks for a second. "I see beauty in you."

"Don't try with your sweet words, Lee Minho," she says, raising a finger up at him. "You know exactly what I mean. I can give you so many examples. Firstly, you never buy me anything on Valentine's day because it's a marketing holiday. Then, you want every single aspect to be perfect and at their exact place although life isn't like this. And finally, you just see the negative everywhere, always pointing out what is wrong. What happened to my sweet Minho who would smile at the slightest thing?"

He remains quiet as he sits on one of the dining table's chairs. Not knowing what to do next, Y/N copies his actions and gets seated in front of him. They don't dare to look at each other just yet but Minho most definitely wants to. His ego too big, he doesn't budge.

"Minho, please," she begged.

"Alright, it's enough."

P lets out a huff. "The action barely started."

Clenching his jaw, he doesn't insist more and settles on looking at the ground while the scene he had been trying to forget about for almost a year was happening right in front of him. Minho hates it, his heart is bleeding in pain.

"I've grown, maybe that's something you should consider doing as well," he hears himself say.

Curiosity gets the best of him and he can't contain himself from looking at her, he never knew how she had reacted to his words. The view he has in front of his eyes makes his heart shatter in an instant. He swears he can see her soul leave her body just now. Had he really done this to her?

"What- Min, I-" she tries to speak, but struggles.

"Y/N, we want different things now."

She chokes out on her tears, the ones that she finally lets stream down her face since she had been containing them. She hated crying, especially with Minho.

"No, we want the same things," she affirms, her voice breaking. "You've just become too obnoxious and focused on your career that you don't see it anymore."

"You think I'm the obnoxious one? Y/N, have you seen yourself?" Minho asks in a loud voice as he gets up from his chair. "You're so full of bullshit with your positivity and ignorance towards actual problems, it makes me sick. Take the cat, for example. We don't have space for a third one but yet, here is Dori who can't even behave properly. And your Christmas decoration is taking too much space too."

"This is about space now?"

"Yes, I need space! And I'm sorry I cancelled our last date but I just can't deal with you right now. You're in the way and I can't work and- Fuck, I don't know how to tell you but we can't keep on going like this."

Her breathing is becoming more unsteady while the tears are still flooding out of her eyes. Present Minho approches her and tries to put a hand on her shoulder, but it goes through. Right, he forgot. He is not really there.

"I didn't want to call off our engagement. But maybe I do now."

Slowly, she gets up and walks towards their shared bedroom which leaves a perplexed and helpless Minho standing alone in the middle of his dining room. He hears unknown noises and hesitates on whether he should go to you or wait. But again, his ego takes over and he stays right where he is.

Soon later, only a couple of minutes, he sees Y/N walk out of the bedroom with one bag and two suitcases full of her belongings. His face dropped immediately.

"You're leaving?" he asks, desperate. No answer. "For how long?" Still silent. "Y/N, please, I know we can figure it out."

Her lower lip quivers as she sobs some more, trying her best to ignore the man in front of her. She dares to walk towards their front door, not acknowledging her lover for one second.

"My love, please," Minho tries once more.

And just like that, she walks out, door shutting quietly behind her.

"We've seen enough."

P is about to say no when he catches Minho's watery eyes. He taps himself on the back mentally, he didn't think he would break down so fast. Taking him by the forearm, he leads him towards the elevator. The doors slide shut rather fast, which Minho is thankful for. In a careful move, P presses the ground floor button and the elevator goes down.

Once arrived, the doors reveal Minho's bedroom. It looks the same as it did the night before. Minho takes notes on that, it means his night is far from being over.

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep."

"You will," P reassures. "I'll leave you alone, now. It was my pleasure being your guide for tonight."

As the two men exchange a small smile, more as a form of respect, P begins to glow, brighter and brighter. So much that Minho can't even look at him anymore and is blinded. He tried to look away but even then with his eyes closed, the light goes through.

Suddenly, there's nothing.

The morning is brighter than he thought it would be. He swears he saw on the news the day prior that Christmas day was going to be gloomy. The blue sky with the sun shining is definitely a pleasant surprise.

Enough with admiring the weather, Minho finishes rapidly his coffee, grabs his briefcase, and heads out to work. As he walks towards his building, he can't help but think of his dream from last night. He did expect dreaming of Y/N but not having to relive the day she left so vividly.

As he is about to cross the road, he feels his body collide with someone which is soon followed with the feeling of burnt. He curses out loud and is considering telling the other person off. Only, it is someone he hasn't seen in a while and who has a face he definitely recognizes.

"Hyunjin?"

The man cocks his head to the side and frowns. "Are you Mr. Lee?"

Minho, as equally confused, nods. "You don't recognize me?"

The Hyunjin look-alike seems to take notice of his whereabouts and clears his throat. "I apologize, sir. This is my first year working as a guiding spirit. Shall we start over? Hi, my name is P."

Suddenly, Minho has flashbacks of his encounter with the boy of the same name. Was he still in the dream? Or was the Chan spirit saying the truth? He feels a lump growing inside of his throat as the P man in question goes on about himself.

"I'm sincerely sorry about the coffee I spilled, let me fix this," he says before splashing Minho's figure with gold dust. The stain instantly disappears. "Now, where was I..? Oh, right! I'm P, short for Present. I was assigned to you to review your Christmas of this year."

At this point, Minho doesn't have it in him to protest. Without saying a word, he walks in the building as P follows him behind. This one spirit is much giddier than the previous one. The moment he steps in the elevator, he does nothing but look around nervously. It is with a heavy sigh that Minho empresses himself to push the button next to 25.

"I thought I forgot something, thanks," P laughs nervously, receiving a glare in return.

The ride up is quiet and awkward but when the doors open, they both step out in sync and walk along the trail of snow. The Christmas market is an event that the real Hyunjin takes part in each year. He always contributed with an animal rescue center to help them give puppies up for adoption.

This year is especially important to him, it is the first time he does it with his own dog rescue shelter. For the occasion, a few of the boys promised him they would come by to encourage him. Including Minho.

Far from the distance, Minho sees Felix and Seungmin arguing about whatever while Chan greets warmly their friend who has just finished setting his booth up.

"Guys, come look at the doggies," he calls the younger men who rush to pet the furry creatures.

"I'd call this one Seungmin," Felix jokes as he picks up a baby labrador.

Hyunjin laughs at the comment. "Her name is Daisy."

"Not very original," Felix allows himself to point out to which Hyunjin chuckles again.

His laughs trails off while he looks around, brows furrowed. "Didn't Minho say he'd come too?"

Chan sighs heavily, giving one of the poodles some scratches. "I called him but he didn't answer. Plus, we had an argument last time I saw him so I don't think he'll come."

"About Y/N again?" Seungmin asks and Chan nods. "The number of times I told her to talk it out with him, she really should call him. The guy is getting on my nerves."

Minho's heart stops for a moment. Not only because he finally knows what his friend thinks of him but also because he apparently has been in contact with Y/N, without his knowledge. He thought all of his friends haven't heard from you since.

"I told her too but what can I say? They're both stubborn," Felix shrugs. "I thought of stopping by her place today to see how she's doing but Minho would kill me if he discovers."

"Oh, please. He'd kill you if you even mention her name."

The four men share a sad laugh before changing topics. Hyunjin is careful with each dog as he introduces them one by one. All of it becomes a blur for Minho, he doesn't know if he wants to leave now or listen more to it. As much as it hurts him, he can't help but be curious.

"Did you know this?" he finally says, turning his body towards P.

"I did read it on the report paper before meeting you but, hey, I don't know you all," he responds with his hands up in defense. "We can go see her if you want."

Minho ponders for a moment. Was he ready to face her once again?

"No. Not yet."

"As you wish. Your friends are having a party tonight if you didn't know. We have to see that."

"I know, yeah."

P takes his hand as they float away all the way to Changbin's house. Before setting foot on the ground, he can already see all of his friends with Felix's fiancé, Chan's wife and Jisung's new girlfriend. Everyone is there. Except him.

He carefully approaches the group inside the living room where the girls are busy putting the presents under the Christmas tree. What takes him aback the most is seeing a tall and beautiful woman coming down the stairs before placing a kiss on Changbin's cheek. Since when is he seeing someone? It takes everyone a few minutes to settle down and serve themselves drinks. Once everyone is sat, they hold their glasses up for a toast.

"Who wants to do the honours?" Jeongin asks and Jisung immediately gets up.

"Merry Christmas, guys! Thank you for this year and thank you to Changbin for hosting the dinner tonight," he says, bopping his head towards him. "And let's have a moment for our Minho. He might not be here but he's in our heart. Let's hope he can get back on the right track next year."

There is a pause in the room, everybody suddenly feeling a wave of guilt and sadness. They know they've done everything for their friend, but they still feel like they should have tried harder.

Minho, this time, doesn't try to contain his cries. He walks up Jisung and smiles, just a little.

"Thanks, Hannie," he whispers.

"To Minho," he cheers, holding his drink higher.

"To Minho."

P lets out a cough, grabbing Minho's attention. "Not to be a mood breaker but I think you should see Y/N."

"What do you mean?"

"See what she is doing at this exact moment."

He surprisingly agrees with no hesitation and they both float away to another neighbourhood of the city. One Minho isn't too familiar with. This must be why she chose to move there, somewhere she knew she wouldn't encounter Minho. They float down at the apartment's balcony and Minho can see her right away through the window.

"You can go through walls," P informs and he does as told.

He's surprised to see her alone with her sister. She used to be a social butterfly, he wonders what happened. Deena sets the table while humming to Christmas music and Y/N finishes up with cutting the ham. It's not as Christmas-y as it should be, it's rather sad. The atmosphere is sad.

"Need help with that?" Deena offers.

"I'm good, thanks," Y/N answers as she brings the dishes on the table.

She looks paler than he remembers, maybe because of the lighting. Her hair is longer and she seems to have dyed it brown. She's also much skinnier.

"Thank you for cooking," Deena smiles warmly at her.

"It's nothing," she smiled back and begins to serve herself a plate. "I would have definitely given a piece of ham to the cats if they were here."

Deena shakes her head. "How many times did I tell you that I can go get them back?"

Y/N shakes her head too and sighs. "He loves them as much as I do, maybe even more. Who knows how he would survive without them."

"He's not really surviving, if you want my opinion. You should have seen him at the mall the other day."

Y/N shrugs while playing with her potatoes. "He's coping in his own way."

Her sister lets out a groan, desperate. "Jeez, you two are so sad to see, it's depressing."

Well, if Minho wanted to be sure Y/N is still struggling with getting over their separation, he has his answer right there.

"I'll be fine and so will he. Besides, it's not like we lost everything. I still have you and he has the boys."

Deena deadpans at her and then points at her ring finger. Minho looks at it more attentively and allows himself to gasp quietly. Y/N still has the ring, the one he proposed to her with. After what he said to her, she still wears it?

She is quick to pull her hand off the table and cover it with her sleeve. "It's a pretty ring."

"It means more to you than that and you know it."

"He didn't want to get married and it's alright. We grew apart and it is what it is. Can we talk about something else now?" she says in annoyance.

"Y/N, Felix, when he called-"

"Stop," she cuts her off. "Felix doesn't know what happened. He doesn't understand."

"Okay, I'll stop. But just so you know, this is doing no good to anybody, especially the two of you."

Minho can't hear any more of it. In a second, he turns around and goes back to the balcony which indicates to P that the visit is over. The ghost throws some of his golden dust in the air and the elevator magically appears next to them. They step inside and press the button to the ground floor.

As it goes down, Minho is looking away from the spirit, he has a certain pride to maintain. P hesitates but decides to put his hand on the man's shoulder.

"Can I just say? In my whole year of working, this might be the only case where I really empathized with my client."

Minho moves his hand away from him and grumbles something under his breath. P doesn't hear it properly but it goes along the lines of "I don't need empathy, don't act like you care".

When they get to his room, the spirit is quick to take a leave, leaving Minho alone in his cold room. At least he has his cats. He has them because of Y/N's kind heart knew he needs them.

At least, maybe she still cares a little.

The formula is the same this morning. So much that Minho knows he isn't going to work and is still trapped in this weird loop of exploring his life. He doesn't bother dressing properly nor bringing what he needs for his job. He doesn't even change his cats' water.

The moment he walks in his workplace, it doesn't even take him a second to spot the ghost of his future. It's Jisung this time. Well, not him exactly.

"Hello, my name is-"

"F, I suppose? For future?"

The spirit, stunned, slowly nods. "Usually, people are happy to see me."

"I had a long night, buddy. Just show me what you have to show me and I can move on with my life."

F doesn't argue with him and he leads him to the elevator when he presses the button 30 right away. "We'll do the quick version since you're in such a rush. I would have gone through 26 beforehand but-"

"What happens next year?" Minho interrupts him.

"No, you want this to be quick. I respect that. It's Christmas anyway, I can make an exception."

"What happens next year?" he repeats.

F smiles knowingly before glancing at the button 26. Minho, hesitantly, goes ahead to press it himself to which the ghost responds with a satisfied smirk. Before he knows it, they already reached the level.

As the doors open, Minho soon recognizes Jeongin's penthouse. Looks like that year's Christmas is settled to be at his place. Jeongin is alone with Changbin as they seem to be preparing food and drinks for the guests they are expecting. It is soon confirmed when Jisung walks in without knocking, alongside with his girlfriend. In the following minutes, each of his friends, sometimes with a significant lover, come inside and the party gets louder and merrier. However, after Hyunjin arrived, it dawns on him that his future version himself won't take part on that year's dinner.

Just like the previous year.

After chatting some more about what they are up to in their lives (nothing much other than Felix getting married but everyone knows as they attended the ceremony), Changbin calls everyone for dinner and they sit around Jeongin's dinner table.

"Can I make the toast this year?" Jisung asks, earning looks from his friends.

"You did last year, I say our host of the night does it," Seungmin suggests and they all seem to agree.

So, a bit uncomfortable still, Jeongin gets up with his glass of wine in hands. "Thank you for another year of our usual Christmas party. I'm really glad all of you were able to come. Of course, we still have a thought for our Minho who won't be joining us, yet again, tonight." The guests exchange glances in agreement and let the youngest continue. "Merry Christmas and let's enjoy our meal!"

They cling their glasses together, wishing a merry Christmas to one another, and don't lose another second to attack their plates. Although it pains him to not see himself enjoy the feast with them, Minho is somewhat happy. At least, they still have each other.

"Why couldn't he make it, anyway?" Chan asks around the table, looking at anybody who might have the answer.

The only person to answer is, unsurprisingly, Jisung. "The last time I saw him was in September and he said he had some issues with the cats. I don't know if he was making up excuses but he seemed to be alright."

"It was a miracle he even showed up for my wedding," Felix scoffs, making Minho huff. "An even bigger miracle was that he didn't make a scene when he saw Y/N there."

"They left together, no?"

What Seungmin just said gives him some kind of hope. Wanting to be sure he would hear every detail, he gets closer to his friend who continues to speak on the matter.

"I know they drank a lot but has someone seen what they were doing?"

"He was cuddly," Jisung answers. "No, clingy as hell. Poor Y/N who had to drive him home."

"They could have made up then?" Chan questions and Jisung nods.

"But we all know him, he missed his chance to fix things again."

"I really thought inviting both of them would have put an end to their mishaps," Felix sighs, discouraged. "I'll send Minho a message later."

"We could call him all together?" Chan suggests but by the reactions of everybody, this is not an option.

Just like that, they change subject and continue to discuss cheerfully about everything and anything. F gives a sad smile to the man, who watches the scene feeling beaten. There must have something really wrong with him that his closest friends wouldn't even wish him a merry Christmas.

"Where am I while all of this is happening?" he asks the ghost.

Carefully, he is transported away from the penthouse and directly to his apartment. The moment he takes in the sight of his place, he sees how nothing much changed in a year. Everything is still where it was during the present year.

His hair is longer, he notices. Not only that but he grew a bit of a beard, a choice he questions a little. His cats are still doing their thing, none of them appear to be sick. What particularly catches his attention is the glass filled with a bright yellow liquor that is set next to him as he scrolls down through his feed on his tablet.

Is he drinking? He does have a few occasions where he'll consume alcohol but a glass full of whiskey is new.

Soonie jumps on the counter and, unlike what Minho would automatically do as of right now, his future self pushes the cat off. He gasps in horror and runs to catch his pet. Only, he did forget he isn't actually there and that things pass through his body. Fortunately, Soonie is fine.

"I should text her, at least," he hears himself say.

The man he sees is far from being remotely close to what he is. Hair messy, tie loosened and a beer belly growing; he wonders what caused him to let himself reach this point.

Future Minho opens his e-mail app and clicks on New Message. He is quick to find Y/N's e-mail address, which real Minho takes as a sign he must have done the same more than once in the last year. He tries to read what he is typing but the amount of typos is quite overwhelming. Despite that, he manages to make out a somewhat coherent note.

___

Hey,

I know I should probably not be writing this but it is Christmas today so, merry Christmas. Remember how we used to go out with the others and play stupid games until late? Then, we'd come home and I'd make you a hot chocolate before going to be? You remember all of that, don't you?

I miss it, and I miss you. I know I said I'll stop writing but you broke my heart, Y/N. How can I forget and ignore what happened? You left so suddenly for no reason. I should be furious, maybe I am. No, I know I am. I still can't help myself but longing for you.

Have a jolly holiday, even if it's without me,

Min xox

___

"Wow, that's pathetic," Minho breathes out after reading. He turns to face F and frowns. "That's a year from now?"

"Precisely."

"No, it can't be. I'm alright, I moved on."

F visibly tries to contain himself from speaking on that, but he can't. "You're one oblivious man."

"I am okay!"

F scoffs. "Sure. Now, shall we visit you at 30 years old? It's Christmas and I have others plans after this."

Minho keeps finding it ridiculous how these ghosts continue to act as if they are actual people. He's still dreaming, why would he bother imagining spirits with personalities?

He is soon led to the actual elevator of his apartment building where F presses the button quickly. Once the level reached, the doors open to a beautiful wedding reception, leaving Minho confused. He does not know anybody other than Felix, who is supposedly already married by then, who is engaged.

The two men walk around the room, recognizing a few faces, and Minho finally spots himself sitting with his friends. At least he isn't alone, he tells himself. He goes straight ahead to observe the scene where he is obviously bored and sick of being there. He does notice how his appearance seem much better than before with gel in his hair and a tuxedo well ironed on.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Chan asks him in a concerned voice.

"Stop with that, I'd leave if I wasn't fine," Minho rolls his eyes.

"You haven't spoken to her, though."

"You really are good at observing, Chan," Minho responds in a mocking way and the older man simply sighs.

Suddenly, the entirety of the room begins to cheer loudly and clap. Minho tries to follow their gaze to find out who they were waiting for. After moving around to see through the dozens of head, he finally spots her. And him.

Y/N. It's her wedding. And she invited him of all people?

His brain short-circuits and he feels his heart pounding faster and faster. He can't think properly anymore, the only thing he can vividly see is her. How she smiles at every single person who congratulates her. How she clings onto this man as if her life depended on it. But most importantly, he sees how her smile just gets sadder when her eyes stop on him.

He knows time stops for the two of them before they walk towards each other. He knows so many things are still left unsaid. Gaining back his consciousness, he follows himself to watch what is about to happen.

She hugs him, a bit awkwardly. "I didn't think you'd come. Thank you."

"Congratulations," Minho says, retracting from the hug as fast as he can. "You two make a fine couple."

"Thanks," she chuckles. "Look, Min-" she starts but Minho shakes his head.

"Don't, it's okay. Enjoy your day."

Grateful, she sends him one last smile and moves to thank other guests. Chan, at this point, can do nothing else but pat his friend's shoulder. Surprisingly, Minho doesn't budge. He does, however, let one single drop fall from his eye.

"That's it?" he exclaims, now looking at F. "I'm not even trying? I just gave up? What even happened between then and that moment?"

"I've shown you plenty, you can figure it out by yourself," F says calmly and then begins to walk back to the metal box.

Minho, refusing this as an answer, runs to join him hastily. "Who's this guy, anyway?"

"Does it really matter? You two are not together anymore."

"Yes, if it can help me to prevent this."

"So you don't want her to be happy?" F perks an eyebrow making Minho groan in frustration.

"I'm asking you what I need to do to change this. It can't be like this. I'm the one who's supposed to marry her."

F smirks as they walk in the elevator, presses the button to the ground floor and finally looks at the man. "You know what has to be done, you're just afraid."

"Of what?"

"Oh, please. Stop with the act. How has the last year really been like for you?"

Minho gulps, already feeling himself choke up. "I-" he starts. "It's been hell."

F nods. "What else?"

"Y/N was right, as she always is... I'm the one who lost myself with time. I did want to marry her and I did not think she was obnoxious. Certainly not..."

He starts to cry, heavily this time. There is no more hiding or denying, he just said it all out loud. Regrets and pain, that's what's been eating him. He sobs as everything finally hits him so brutally. He lost Y/N for good. Or he will lose her for good if he keeps acting the way he does.

And his friends, the only people who stick with him through everything. The ones he keeps pushing away in fear of himself.

"You're home," the spirit says, interrupting the moment.

Minho doesn't hesitate to crash into his bed and sob some more. Even if F wanted to leave so badly, he doesn't think he should just yet. Cursing at himself, he comes to sit on the bed and pats the back of the broken man.

"It's alright, let it all out. You've had a rough night."

Minho hiccups and sniffles before glaring at the ghost. "No shit."

"You know, I think you can fix this."

Minho shrugs. "I've been horrible to everyone."

"You acknowledge it, that's a start. From there, only you can decide how things will be." F looks at his watch for a second and gasps. "I'm late for my next human! Good luck with everything."

Minho doesn't watch him leave. He is still crying but he has no more energy. He desperately wants to wake up, but mostly, he wants to see Y/N.

Minho doesn't wake up until the later morning. With the dream he just had, the sleep deprived guy seriously needed more than eight hours of resting. He does miss out work but, honestly, is not bothered the slightest. In fact, he is grateful he won't be working today.

After feeding Soonie, Doongie and Dori, he determines he should catch up on the gifts he planned on offering to his friends. Walking to his home office, he pulls out the wrapping paper he hadn't touched in a while and begins to wrap each and every single one of the presents he bought. He is definitely happy to have made some purchases the day he went shopping with Chan.

The task does grow tiring and boring after a while. To keep himself motivated, he plugs in his speaker to play some music and hums alongside the lyrics. He hasn't done that for a long time. As he is about to skip the current song playing on his playlist, his solo karaoke session is interrupted by a call coming in.

Not bothering to look at the contact, he answers happily. "Merry Christmas, you joined Lee Minho. How can I help you?"

The other side of the line is silent but he can hear that there is someone. Frowning, he repeats himself to encourage the person to talk.

"Minho, it's Changbin."

"Oh, hey! How are you doing? I was about to call you to ask what you wanted me to bring for tonight."

He senses that his friend is quite taken aback and he smiles proudly to himself.

"You're coming?"

"Unless I wasn't invited-"

"No, no," Changbin cuts him. "You're always welcomed, you know that. I'd just expected you to say you have work or something."

"I was supposed to clock in but I didn't feel like going to the office. Oh, by the way, can I ask a favor from you?"

"Uh, yeah, go ahead..." Changbin replies, skeptical.

"I know you're still in contact with Y/N."

Changbin, on his side, freezes. "How did you- Min, I swear we all wanted to tell you-"

"I'm not mad. I just wanted to know if you could possibly invite her and Deena for dinner, please? Don't tell them I'll be there, though."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes, I want it to be a surprise."

He doesn't say anything for a minute, processing what is happening. "Then, I'll invite them and say you aren't coming."

"Good! See you tonight! And tell your girlfriend I'm excited to meet her!"

He doesn't let Changbin question him on how he learned about his girlfriend and hangs up. Resuming to his activity, he stops when he sees Soonie playing with wrapping paper. Filming him, he coos at him before giving him loving scratches.

"I won't ever hurt you, I promise," he tell his cat, recalling what happened in his dream.

When he has finished with wrapping his gifts, he goes to his closet to find an appropriate attire for the night. For the last year, he hadn't wore anything other than work clothes and sweats. The nice shirt Y/N once bought him catches his attention. The dark green buttoned blouse seem to be a perfect match for his black clean pants. He changes fast and does not forget to add a few pieces of jewelry to finish his look.

He is all set to go. But one look at himself in the mirror at his entrance stops him for a moment. It suddenly clicks that he is a couple hours away from seeing Y/N again, for real this time. Although terrified, he has found some peace with it from the events of the previous night. He wants to make things right.

And one thing he can do just now is call his parents, the ones he has been ignoring for a year. He did expect his mother to cry but certainly not his father. Both incite him to come to his hometown in the following days and he can't refuse the invite. Not when they are begging with their puppy eyes.

"I'll come for New Year's, does it sounds okay?"

His mother nods vigorously through the screen of his phone. "Will Y/N be coming with you?"

He might have left out that he isn't with her anymore. Seeing the look on his parents' faces, he does not have the heart to tell them yet. Instead, he goes with a safe answer.

"I'll see with her if she can clear her schedule, but no promise."

"Tell her she's always welcomed here whenever. Merry Christmas, son!" his father wishes him adoringly.

He smiles, feeling suddenly nostalgic. "Merry Christmas to you two!"

And he hangs up.

Before going to Changbin's place, he doesn't forget to stop at the Christmas market to pay his friend, Hyunjin, a visit. Mentally preparing himself to face a pissed off Chan, he strolls between the booths and stops at a few of them. Some are selling soaps, a lot of them in fact. Others sell clothes they crocheted themselves and a few offer samples of their baked goods.

A few minutes later, Hyunjin's golden locks are easily found from afar. Minho also spots Chan, Seungmin and Felix. He has a heavy case of déjà-vu when he sees the four of them discuss with frowns on their faces.

Discreetly, he walks towards his friends who don't take knowledge of his presence yet. That is until he arrives right behind Felix.

"-stopping by her place today to see how she's doing but Minho would kill me if he discovers," the man is telling the others, oblivious that Minho is hearing everything.

Seungmin gulps and nods his head towards him but Felix cluelessly frowns. Hyunjin does the same which finally makes him turn around and come face to face with Minho. His eyes grow twice their sizes and his mouth opens slightly in shock.

"Hi, Yongbok," Minho says, unbothered. "Cute puppies you got, Hwang."

Hyunjin smiles, thankful. "Do you want to pet one? I've got this chihuahua that looks like Kkami."

He doesn't have the time to answer when a small dog is suddenly placed in his arms. With no complaint, he pets the puppy affectionately. The four men look at him, rather confused, and say nothing. They simply have no idea on how to react to this.

"Minho, what I said about Y/N- She- Uh... We-" Felix stammers out his words but Minho interrupts him.

"I know and it's all good. She is your friend too, I can't be mad at her for wanting to keep you all around."

"I see you've made some thinking," Chan finally speaks up, eyes stern.

"You can say that... I'm sorry about the other day, you were right. I shouldn't have shut you out of my life," he admits, much to his own surprise.

"Apology accepted," Chan grins. "A little birdie told me you asked Changbin to invite Y/N and Deena for dinner."

Seungmin's eyes lit up. "So you changed your mind? You'll come?"

Minho huffs. "I never said I wouldn't come."

Hyunjin sneers. "I know someone who'll be ecstatic about that."

The girl paces the floor nervously, biting her nails as she waits for her sister to arrive. Even if Changbin assured to her that her ex-fiancé wouldn't be attending the party, she can't help but feel like he will find out. She already feels guilty for keeping contact with his friends, who knows how he would react if he learns she went to celebrate Christmas with them.

As Deena finally walks in the apartment, she lets out a heavy sigh of relief. "Finally!"

Her sister rolls her eyes. "It took me barely five minutes to get here."

"Still," she chuckles sheepishly. "Thank you for coming with me."

"What would you do without me?" she exclaims dramatically. "For real, it's very nice for them to invite you. Especially after last year. Plus, it's better than our sappy sister date night."

Y/N lets out a small laugh but resumes automatically to biting down her lower lip in nervousness. Deena notices it but doesn't comment on it. Instead, she rushes her to leave, saying they will be late otherwise.

In the car, Y/N can't wait any longer. She has worries and needs to let them out or she'll go mad.

"What if Minho ends up showing up?"

Deena gives her a look but answers nonetheless. "He won't. And if he does, he'll have to suck it up and be an adult about you being there."

"Do you think he'll get mad when he discoverd that I still talked with the guys?"

"Y/N, for fuck's sake, it's not your problem to deal with! He's the one being a little bitch. Besides, you're not with him anymore."

"It doesn't mean I want to hurt him... and..."

She doesn't complete her sentence since she knows Deena must have understood right away. Y/N is still hopelessly in love with Minho. As much as she believes that leaving was the right thing to do, there were so many instances where she tried to convince herself that he'd change if she goes back to him.

She knows, deep down, she might be right on that.

"I can't believe you're actually here with actual presents!" Jisung almost yells as he brings his friend into a warm hug.

Hyunjin scoffs. "Let the man breathe! See, Min? I told you."

Minho taps Jisung's back a few times as to tell him to let go but he refuses, tightening the embrace. Jeongin is the one to break them apart to be the next in line to hug Minho. Everyone is baffled by his change of heart but they look past it and are simply grateful to have gotten their friend back.

"So? Is she coming?" Minho asks Changbin once he greeted everybody one by one.

"She confirmed she is."

Chan frowns and takes him by the shoulders. "Are you sure you want to talk to her?"

"Things were left unsaid, I need to clear this out once and for all."

Ding dong.

Oh. Now things are getting a bit too real, and panic begins to settle throughout his entire body. With once glance exchanged with Chan, it somehow reassures him. Still with his heart beating fast, he retreats himself behind the group as Changbin goes ahead to open the door.

She looks just like he remembers, stunning. There is, however, a hint of something he can't quite understand. She is paler and shyer. Past that, she is the same. While hugging everyone with her bright smile on her face, she shines. Minho is not too sure if he wants to ruin her brightness by letting his presence known. Looking around nervously, we wonders if this was a bad idea after all.

Before he can escape, he hears his name being called from afar; Jisung. Cursing at him mentally, Minho steps aside from behind Hyunjin and waves, embarrassed.

To no one's surprise, there is a moment of awkwardness settled in the room. While Minho is too ashamed to look back at her, Y/N can't rip her gaze away from him. She can't believe he is actually there. She has to make a mental note for later to smack Changbin for lying to her.

The moment is interrupted by Deena, thankfully. "Hey, Minho! I didn't think you'd be here."

"Hi Deena," he replies in a small voice.

This seems to be enough for the others to resume to their thing: Changbin taking his guests' coats to the other room while his girlfriend offers drinks, Deena putting the presents under the Christmas tree, Chan's wife and Felix's girlfriend sitting in a corner to discuss... Y/N, however, does not budge. Not until everyone leaves the entrance, revealing Minho standing in front of her.

"You dyed your hair?" he finally says, more or less to break the weird tension between the two.

She chuckles and runs her fingers through her longs brown locks. "I did, I thought a change might be good."

He nods as he puts his hands in his pockets, rocking his body back and forth. Now what? He knows he wants to talk about the obvious, but how?

"You're wearing that shirt," she points out with a smile. "It fits you well."

"Thank you. Your dress is cute."

"Thanks. I haven't wore this in a while."

"In a dress or not, you're cute either way."

She blushes. It's not as bad as she thought, they can at least do small talk. Still, this is far from being what she was used to with him. It suddenly snaps in her mind how much she missed him.

"I'll go get a drink, you're welcomed to come along," she offers which makes Minho smile.

Changbin's girlfriend makes no complaint when Minho asks her to make a specific drink, one Y/N would always get when they were together. It does not get unnoticed by the latter and she is amazed he remembers such details even after not speaking to each other for a whole entire year.

"You seem to be doing good," he comments once they get a hold of their alcoholic drinks.

"I'm not too bad. I joined a new law firm and, hopefully, they'll let me work on a case on my own."

It pains him to know she is still struggling with work, this was never an issue for him. "One day, someone will recognize your competence."

"Easy for you to say. I've heard you climbed status and have your own office?"

"Which one of the boys told you that?"

By the look on her face, he has managed to surprise her. "So you know."

He takes a sip of his glass and shrugs. "It did hurt a little that nobody told me but it's alright. You needed them as much as I did."

Her eyes soften. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm the jerk here. I pushed you away to the point you left and after you did, I was so close to losing all of my friends. You did nothing wrong."

She moves her head to the side, unsure on how to react. "We both made mistakes."

He scoffs. "Maybe, but you have to admit I did things way worse than you."

"It's alright, we're okay now. It wasn't meant to be."

His heart tightens and he scoffs once more. "What if it was?"

"Minho-"

"No, Y/N, listen to me for this one. Please." The gleam in his eyes convinces her and she nods for him to continue. "I don't know exactly what happened, it might be work, but I lost myself at some point. I never thought weddings were bullshit, not once in my life. My dream the moment I met you was to put a ring on your finger."

Minho stops himself and gives a scan around to make sure nobody is watching. He is thankful when he realizes his friends are busy with watching a funny video on Felix's phone. With no hesitation, he takes Y/N's hand and moves her sleeve up to reveal her engagement ring, still beautifully worn on her finger. Embarrassed, she is quick to retract her hand back in hiding. How did he know if she has been hiding it as soon as she saw him?

"And I think you might still want that."

Her eyes get watery when she forces herself to stare back at him. "This year has been... a lot. I was not ready to remove it just yet and, I guess I just got used to wearing it."

Although tempted to correct her as he know the truth, Minho does not insist any more. Instead, he sends her a look that says he understands. Almost as if it was planned, Chan calls everyone in the living room to open the presents and to, as they do every year, make a toast.

It takes a few minutes until everyone is sat and silent but once they seem good to go, Chan nods his head at Minho. "Why don't you do the honours this year, Min?"

"Oh, um..."

"I think it won't be appropriate if it is anybody else other than you," Seungmin adds to which the others seem to agree on.

Reluctantly, he gets up from his seat and clears his throat. "First of all, I'd like to apologize for the way I've been acting. I was going through a lot and I shouldn't have imposed it on you, I'm sorry. Second of all, thank you all for sticking by my side although I was a total asshole."

"Heck yeah, you are," he hears Changbin jokingly respond.

"Something else I want to mention," he continues, ignoring his friend, "is how much regret I've felt this year. Y/N?"

All eyes move to her figure by the mention of her name. She looks at Minho, feeling a bit intimidated, but smiles to let him know she wants him to go on.

"I've never loved anyone else more than I have with you. I am aware things were not ideal but you brought the best out of me. I'm sorry I had to be the one ruining this for us. I love you still and I can only wish you the best from now on." He gives the others a last glance before raising his glass. "Thank you Changbin for hosting this year's party, and merry Christmas!"

Even though the entire room cheers and applauds in response to Minho's sweet speech, Y/N is not mentally there anymore. Her mind going wild, she can't think straight other than what Minho has said. She undeniably still loves him, more than she'd like to admit. But is she ready to let him in again?

"Hey," Deena calls her out, shaking her away from her thoughts. "You might want to figure some things out with lover boy."

Her face grows red. "You think so?"

"He just left outside to go for a walk but I'm sure he isn't too far yet. Go join him."

"I don't know..."

"Y/N, stop being in denial. You still love him, he still loves you, he obviously wants you back... Just go get him already."

Slightly intimidated by her sister, she doesn't need to be told twice to go grab her coat and boots, and walk out the door. She expected for him to be at least further away on the street but it is definitely a surprise to see him sitting down on the porch. His back facing her, she quietly approaches him and sits beside him.

There is a moment of quietness before he finally looks at her. "It's snowing."

She chuckles. "Thank you for the info, Mr. Obvious."

They share a laugh and both go back to watching the snowflakes fall. It's calm and peaceful, Minho loves it. It painfully reminds him of many occurrences where they'd watch outside the window for no reason on snow days.

"That was a good speech you just made."

He smirks. "I know."

His playful demeanor is something she doesn't remember seeing in the last moments of their relationship. It feels nice to see him back, as himself.

"What you said earlier, did you mean it?"

He frowns. "The part about regrets? Yeah, I mean, I was an ass and it didn't help me getting better so... I just know I want to fix it."

She shakes her head. "Not just that. The part about still loving me."

He moves his eyes from the snow to her own and she looks at him expectedly. She is so pure, he hates himself from even thinking he had hurt her. Carefully, he takes her hands in his and sets himself just a bit closer to her while still giving her space. He feels the sweat on his forehead, waiting for either getting rejected or getting the love of his life back. Either way, he has to say it. He's been putting it off for too long.

"I meant every word I said, I still and will always love you. How can I not? You're sensitive, smart, beautiful, and so caring. You always put me before yourself. So far, you were ready to give up your cats so I could have them because you knew I needed them."

"Minho-"

"No, you don't get to interrupt me until I'm finally done saying what I have to say. Y/N, never once did I think you were obnoxious. You see beauty in everything, something I'm incapable of doing and that's what bugged me. It bothered me how you are so perfect while I am not even close to be as loving as you are."

She scoffs with a knowing smile pending on her lips. "Now, I'll have to cut you here. You don't see yourself how I see you, Minho. Why do you think I fell in love with you in the first place? You have your own little ways of showing affection, each cuter than the other. I don't mind the rest because I know you do love me."

"I hurt you," he argues sadly.

"And I forgive you, just as long as you don't do it again," she grins, tightening her grasp on his hands.

Minho raises an eyebrow in confusion. "You forgive me... As in-"

"Don't make me say it, I have my own pride too."

Minho wipes away his tears he hadn't realized were starting to fall on his face and doesn't lose another second to bring her close to him and crash his lips onto hers. They're just like he remembered and maybe better, sweet and soft. At that point, both of them are crying. Only this time, it's not because they are hurting. So many feelings are said through the kiss and not a single one is coming from pain. It's sereine and warm, Minho can feel his whole body get lighter.

"Fuck, I missed you so much," he says when they break away, holding her close to his chest. "I'm never letting you go again."

"You better," she chuckles through a sniff.

The door behind them opens wide with more than seven pairs of eyes on them. Minho blushes while Y/N hides herself in the crook of his neck.

"So we good? Everything is sorted out? Please, the food is ready and I'm starving," Jisung complains, receiving a smack from Changbin.

"You're not starving and let them have their moment!"

Jeongin sighs. "I think the moment was already ruined.

The couple, who are still sitting, explode in laughter before getting up and joining their friends in the warmth of their home where Changbin's girlfriend has selected a nice Christmas playlist to complete the ambiance. Music Minho recognizes to be Y/N's favourites. A coincidence? Probably but he likes to believe it isn't.

While the boys congratulate him for being back together with his love, Minho looks outside through the window one last time. He isn't too sure if what he sees is right but four figures seem to look at him proudly.

While nobody is watching, he mouthes a "thank you" before the silhouettes fade away in the wind.

Minho still doesn't know to this day if what happened that night was real or not. One thing for sure is he can't be any more thankful for these spirits. Most importantly, he is finally in a happy place.

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Copyright © 2023 skzhua. All rights reserved.

[tangibletechnomancy]

Neural Nets, Walled Gardens, and Positive Vibes Only

the crystal spire at the center of the techno-utopian walled garden

Anyone who knows or even just follows me knows that as much as I love neural nets, I'm far from being a fan of AI as a corporate fad. Despite this, I am willing to use big-name fad-chasing tools...sometimes, particularly on a free basis. My reasons for this are twofold:

Many people don't realize this, but these tools are more expensive for the companies to operate than they earn from increased interest in the technology. Using many of these free tools can, in fact, be the opposite of "support" at this time. Corporate AI is dying, use it to kill it faster!

You can't give a full, educated critique of something's flaws and failings without engaging with it yourself, and I fully intend to rip Dall-E 3, or more accurately the companies behind it, a whole new asshole - so I want it to be a fair, nuanced, and most importantly personally informed new asshole.

Now, much has already been said about the biases inherent to current AI models. This isn't a problem exclusive to closed-source corporate models; any model is only as good as its dataset, and it turns out that people across the whole wide internet are...pretty biased. Most major models right now, trained primarily on the English-language internet, present a very western point of view - treating young conventionally attractive white people as a default at best, and presenting blatantly misinformative stereotypes at worst. While awareness of the issue can turn it into a valuable tool to study those biases and how they intertwine, the marketing and hype around AI combined with the popular idea that computers can't possibly be biased tends to make it so they're likely to perpetuate them instead.

This problem only gets magnified when introduced to my mortal enemy-

If I never see this FUCKING dog again it will be too soon-

Content filters.

Theoretically, content filters exist to prevent some of the worst-faith uses of AI - deepfakes, true plagiarism and forgery, sexual exploitation, and more. In practice, many of them block anything that can be remotely construed as potentially sexual, violent, or even negative in any way. Frequently banned subjects include artistic nudity or even partial nudity, fight scenes, anything even remotely adjacent to horror, and still more.

The problems with this expand fractally.

While the belief that AI is capable of supplanting all other art forms, let alone should do so, is...far less widespread among its users than the more reactionary subset of its critics seem to believe (and in fact arguably less common among AI users than non-users in the first place; see again: you cannot give a full, educated critique of something's failings without engaging with it yourself), it's not nonexistent - and the business majors who have rarely if ever engaged with other forms of art, who make up a good percentage of the executives of these companies, often do fall on that side, or at least claim to in order to make more sales (but let's keep the lid on that can of worms for now).

When this ties to existing online censorship issues, such as a billionaire manchild taking over Twitter to "help humanity" (read: boost US far-right voices and promote and/or redefine hate speech), or arcane algorithms on TikTok determining what to boost and deboost leading to proliferation of neologisms to soften and obfuscate "sensitive" subjects (of which "unalive" is frequently considered emblematic), including such horrible, traumatizing things as...the existence of fat people, disabled people, and queer people (where the censorship is claimed to be for their benefit, no less!), the potential impact is apparent: while the end goal is impossible, in part because AI is not, in fact, capable of supplanting all other forms of art, what we're seeing is yet another part of a continuing, ever more aggressive push for sanitizing what kinds of ideas people can express at all, with the law looking to only make it worse rather than better through bills such as KOSA (which you can sign a petition against here).

And just like the other forms of censorship before and alongside it, AI content filtering targets the most vulnerable in society far more readily than it targets those looking to harm them. The filters have no idea what makes something an expression of a marginalized identity vs. what makes it a derogatory statement against that group, or an attempt at creating superficially safe-for-work fetish art - so, they frequently err on the side of removing anything uncertain. Boys in skirts and dresses are frequently blocked, presumably because they're taken for fetish art. Results of prompts about sadness or loneliness are frequently blocked, presumably because they may promote self harm, somehow. In my (admittedly limited) experiment, attempts at generating dark-skinned characters were blocked more frequently than attempts at generating light-skinned ones, presumably because the filter decided that it was racist to [checks notes] ...acknowledge that a character has a different skin tone than the default white characters it wanted to give me. Facial and limb differences are often either erased from results, or blocked presumably on suspicion of "violent content".

But note that I say "presumably" - the error message doesn't say on what grounds the detected images are "unsafe". Users are left only to speculate on what grounds we're being warned.

But what makes censorship of AI generated work even more alarming, in the context of the executive belief that it can render all other art forms obsolete, is that other forms of censorship only target where a person can say such earth-shaking, controversial things as "I am disabled and I like existing" or "I am happy being queer" or "mental health is important" or "I survived a violent crime" - you can be prevented from posting it on TikTok, but not from saying it to a friend next to you, let alone your therapist. AI content filtering, on the other hand, aims to prevent you from expressing it at all.

This becomes particularly alarming when you recall one of the most valuable use cases for AI generation: enabling disabled people to express themselves more clearly, or in new forms. Most people can find other workarounds in the form of more conventional, manual modes of expression, sure, but no amount of desperation can reverse hand paralysis that prevents a person from holding a pen, nor a traumatic brain injury or mental disability that blocks them from speaking or writing in a way that's easy to understand. And who is one of the most frequently censored groups? Disabled people.

So, my question to Bing and OpenAI is this: in what FUCKING universe is banning me from expressing my very existence "protecting" me?

Bad dog! Stop breaking my shit and get the FUCK out of my way!

Generated as a gift for a friend who was even more frustrated with that FUCKING dog than I was

All images - except the FUCKING dog - generated with Dall-E 3 via Bing Image Creator, under the Code of Ethics of Are We Art Yet?

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 22

Alright, now onto the episode where we are supposed to sympathize with Andre! Emphasis on "supposed to."

There are several things I could focus on with this episode. I could call attention to the show arbitrarily trying to have Caline attempt to reach out to Chloe only to get her gesture slapped away, despite the prior episode having her "realize there isn't any good in her" at the end. We could focus on how Gabe is once more being painted as sympathetic, alongside Nathalie, because of videos from Emilie, despite the fact that they've known about those videos all this time and knowingly chose to go against her wishes anyway, even though they had known for YEARS that she was going to die. There is a lot I could focus on.

But no, what I'm going to focus on is the episode trying to depict Andre as sympathetic and honestly failing. This episode tries to double-down on the idea that Andre secretly isn't a bad guy... but that's wrong. No matter how pushy or bratty his daughter and wife might be, Andre is a grown man, one that has basically been mayor longer then the majority of the cast has been alive, with his wife spending ninety percent of her time overseas, long enough that she had a kid with someone else (not that the series ever acknowledges this!!).

This episode tries to frame Andre as having no choice but to obey Chloe's whims... and anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, who has kids should know that that is a load of horse shit. Andre goes out of his way in this episode to downplay or ignore his actions, and treats his running away from the consequences of his own actions as some noble deed, rather then cowardice. His claims that "City Hall is no longer for sale" is a farce; by abandoning his position, he is, if anything, making it MORE vulnerable because there is no guarantee that whoever replaces him won't be able to be manipulated, and he's leaving all the damage he inflicted on the city over the course of his tenure in place. The man is a coward, and a social parasite of the highest order.

Beyond that, I think it's time to get onto the review. There is too much to go over and too little that I can use to accurately express my frustration. I hope you aren't disappointed, but please mind the profanity.

Episode 22: Collusion

Alright, we open with Gabe monologuing to his wife, once again ignoring how he's going against her wishes for his own selfish inability to let go and move the fuck on with his life, WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS SHIT!?!? Also, he mentions something about a cycle. Now, if this were a better written story, this might hint towards there being some kind of time loop going on, or what have you... but it's not, and I've got no fucking clue what this asshole means.

Considering we literally had it revealed this Season that Emilie explicitly DID NOT WANT HIM to pursue the Miraculouses in her name, him saying he swore in her name that he would reunite them feels disgusting on multiple levels. He is explicitly using her as justification for his own obsession, with no regard for the harm he's caused his son in the process. Get bent, asshole.

And now we get Nathalie watching the videos from Emilie who is trying to justify Gabe's actions by how he just gets too focused on his goals and that he's doing it all to make his wife happy, all while ignoring how this season has literally shown Gabe ignoring his son's happiness on every level and trying to dictate his life. You can't try and paint a man as being haunted by his actions and driven beyond belief in the sake of those he cares about while ALSO having him act as a direct and deliberate obstacle towards the happiness of his only child!! Also, Nathalie is far too late to start giving a shit about Gabe's actions, especially as she's refusing to bite the bullet and just TELL THE POLICE WHAT HE'S BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME. Seriously, STOP TRYING TO FUCKING PORTRAY NATHALIE AS SOME KIND OF MOTHER FIGURE FOR ADRIEN!! SHE HAS STOOD BY AND ENABLED ALL OF GABE'S BULLSHIT ALL THIS TIME!! THEY HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THESE VIDEOS ALL THIS TIME SO ALL HER WATCHING THEM IS DOING IS HER THROWING A FUCKING PITY PARTY FOR HERSELF!!! GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!

Now we get a montage of Adrien and Marinette spending their morning together through a video call. If it's meant to be sweet or cute, it's kinda undermined by the fact that being that fixated on your phone, up to the point of dragging it with you while you are brushing your teeth, is NOT healthy. Oh, and then we get Adrien walking into his kitchen where Gabe asks him if he's told Marinette about him moving to London... and for all that's good and decent in this world, I cannot fucking get WHY THE IDEA OF A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T OCCUR TO THEM. Seriously, they are literally showing off one of the premiere methods of making a long-distance relationship work, VIDEO CALLS!!! It would honestly be more impactful to focus on how him moving to London would impact his abilities to be a superhero, or how it means he won't be able to hang out with his friends like Nino and the rest anymore, not just fixating on why it's all about him and Marinette!!

"I'm doing this for your happiness," he says as if he hasn't literally threatened his son's girlfriend into breaking things off with him and dictates who his son can and can't hang out with. Nathalie offers a token effort of sticking up for Adrien, which I'm ignoring because again TOO FUCKING LATE BITCH. And STOP WITH THE FUCKING PANCAKE METAPHOR!!! IT DIDN'T WORK TO START WITH AND IT JUST SOUNDS STUPID!!!

One thing that kind of baffles me is why Adrien or Plagg think Adrien going to London is something he can refuse. Abusive asshole or not, Gabe is his guardian; if he decides to move Adrien to London, there's nothing he can do to prevent it short of running away. Aaannnddd we get a sappy comment about how him and Marinette will last forever, no matter what. HA!! HAHAH!!! No. Not even gonna pretend to take that seriously, it's too dumb. Also, really dumb thing; Adrien was STILL ON HIS VIDEO CALL when he walked into breakfast, and I didn't see him turn it off before Gabe dropped his bomb, so that should've honestly revealed at least SOMETHING of what is going on to Marinette, yet she doesn't seem to know. Let's see if that changes. And multiple failed attempts at a kiss in a row and I'm gagging; this is dumb. This isn't cute. This is just obnoxious.

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEIR CLASSMATES STILL FIXATED ON THIS!? THEY ARE TOGETHER, MISSION SOLVED, GET OVER IT AND GET TO CLASS!!! THEY AREN'T A LIVING SOAP OPERA FOR YOU TO GAWK AT!!! Rose... sweet, innocent Rose... FUCK OFF. Do NOT DEMAND SOMEONE KISS IN FRONT OF YOU!! THERE IS SO MUCH FUCKING WRONG WITH THAT I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO GET INTO WHY THAT IS WRONG!!! GET A THERAPIST GIRL!!! Also, shut up about the "will seal the eternal love" BS; that isn't how love works, that is not how ANY healthy and lasting relationship works, and you are fucking old enough to know this by now, who the fuck am I kidding, this is the girl who honestly wanted to be a hairstylist for mythological animals!!! I'm honestly half-expecting the reason for this scene is meant to be one of Astruc's terrible attempts to be "in on the joke" by "signaling" to viewers that he fully gets how annoying dragging out the kiss is, but trying to reassure them it's for a good cause. Too bad it's condescending as hell!!

Yeah, the way that Rose is talking really feels like this is badly done meta-commentary, given her gushing about Adrien and Marinette being the "Cutest sweethearts ever" that they've been "waiting forever for." It just plain DOES NOT WORK, because an actual group of people openly and deliberately shipping two people they actually know like that is uncomfortable as hell, and it's the kind of thing that kills a ship for me (there's a reason I don't like Molly x Ollie for TGAMM).

"We're just waiting for the right time!" No, you really aren't seeing as how the two of you literally both tried to kiss each other twice already only to stop when you saw the other person was trying to initiate it. That isn't "waiting for the right time" that's "pussyfooting around something you are well past the point of being able to just fucking DO by now!!"

Now they are doing the stereotypical "no you are" thing. Not cute, that's annoying as fuck. Also, them openly calling each other perfect is disgusting to me, considering how much this series itself has emphasized the toxicity of "perfect" as a concept. Them acting like lovestruck idiots gushing about how "perfect" the other is comes off as a red flag to me, not something sweet and/or entertaining. Even their classmates are fucking sick of it. Once again the show proves it can't do self-awareness to save its life.

Now we are in the classroom and Sabrina is apparently officially "good now," since she chooses to sit next to Nathaniel instead of Chloe. I'm honestly surprised Chloe didn't try and yell at her or anything and just sighed in exasperation. How long before this show makes things worse? And we get the grade-school insults upon seeing Adrien and Marinette, only this time she's focusing on Adrien. They really are committed to having her burn down every possible bridge they can.

Also, the way they are having Marinette confront Chloe by talking about how she was able to get rid of Lila, how she had to leave because of all her lies, while gripping Chloe's desk and looming over her... just the positioning and the way she's talking makes HER come across as the bully. Seriously, there is NO WAY TO MAKE HAVING YOUR PROTAGONIST THREATEN TO DO ALL SHE CAN TO GET SOMEONE KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL LOOK GOOD!!!

Now we get a look at Lila's lair, base, whatever this weird room with a map of Paris and a web of photos connected by strings is supposed to be. It's really disturbing to take in just how much of her life she's apparently willing to waste for... we haven't even been given a MOTIVE FOR HER YET. This isn't just pathetic, this is unhealthy. And we get a scene of Chloe choosing to play music and make a spectacle of herself. She isn't a threat. This, this petulant CHILD is not a threat. WHY IS THIS SHOW SO OBSESSED WITH MAKING HER LOOK LIKE SHE'S A THREAT!? THERE IS NO WAY TO TAKE HER SERIOUSLY AS ONE, SHE IS JUST ANNOYING!!!

Also, as an aside, as someone who has gone to school, any students unironically saying they care about the lesson is sus. On the other hand, them wanting her to quit being distracting is totally in-character; having someone be a jerk and loud is ANNOYING no matter where or when it happens. Also, oddly enough, while she took the wrong thing away from the lesson, she apparently WAS paying attention to it enough to correctly name and describe the subjects of it. It makes it a bit odd why Thomas insists she's dumb; lazy and unmotivated, maybe, but this scene makes it feel like the issue is that she thinks she doesn't need to apply herself. Then again, she's apparently ignorant of the fact that spending money makes it go away, and she can't expect to coast by on her family's collective wealth; as fucking awful as both of her parents are, they at least actually WORK and made their money.

Yup, Ms. Mendeleiev immediately proves to be just as, if not MORE spineless than Damocles. Marinette decides to scold Chloe over causing their pregnant teacher stress (despite her not seeming stressed out in the slightest), instead of Chloe once again abusing her father's authority to bully someone into doing what she wants. Alright, that's a choice I guess. And as meanly as she phrased it, Chloe's right; none of the class can STOP Chloe from abusing her dad's power and authority, only HE CAN.

What makes this stupider is that if Chloe was able to bully her dad into doing shit like this, WHY HASN'T SHE DONE IT BEFORE!?! For fuck's sake, this season has bent over backwards to make it clear that Chloe doesn't give a shit about protecting her reputation or being anything less then a complete and utter fucking pain in the ass, so why the fuck has it taken THIS FUCKING LONG for Caline to "realize" that Chloe is a cheater and a pain in the ass. If she was able to make her dad allow her to get away with playing music in class, WHY HASN'T SHE DONE IT BEFORE NOW!? The big fucking problem with all this is that if Chloe was ALWAYS supposed to be this bad, why hasn't she tried shit like this before?! WHY!?

Oh, and Andre isn't even pretending to give Chloe's whims legitimacy and just tells the school to let her do whatever she wants, and Ms. Mendeleiev keeps proving she's useless. "He's my superior." NO HE FUCKING ISN'T!! THE MAYOR OF PARIS HAS NO AUTHORITY LIKE THIS OVER THE SCHOOLS OF PARIS!! IT WAS LITERALLY A PLOT POINT IN SEASON 2 THAT HE HAS LIMITED ACTUAL AUTHORITY OVER THE SCHOOLS!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!!

And now Lila has Chloe faking Marinette hurt her... I can see where this is going. And wow, Chloe seriously forgot that she's already been ratted out as a liar to Miss B, this is fucking stupid. And yup, immediately throwing her weight around. And now they are gonna shoot Chloe's one act of genuine kindness towards Miss B in the foot, just like they did everything else. Honestly, them having her try and reach out to Chloe NOW of all times doesn't work, considering that last episode involved her "realizing that Chloe has no goodness in her." FUCK THIS NOISE.

"We all tried to help you." THE FUCK YOU DID!!! YOU HAVE DONE JACK SHIT TO HELP HER!! WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HER MOTHER VERBALLY ABUSED HER ON LIVE TV!? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN CHLOE WAS CHEATING!? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN CHLOE HAS BEEN ABUSING HER DAD'S AUTHORITY FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG!? YOU HAVE NEVER DONE SHIT TO HELP HER, YOU ARE JUST GASLIGHTING HER!! If she wasn't meant to be the bad guy, this would be more disgusting then it already is.

Yada yada, Chloe being awful, Mendeleiev being a spineless worm, Hawkmoth tries an Akumatization, Caline calms herself down. This would be more effective if it weren't for the fact that he successfully Akumatized her LAST TIME despite her not even being the actual fucking target; them introducing the possibility of an Akumatization being rejected was awesome at first, but now it just feels pathetic. Also, them making it look like Bustier's gonna cry doesn't work when her tone of voice NEVER FUCKING CHANGES.

I'm just... I'm literally fast-fowarding so much of this since it's nothing but contrivance. This is bullshit. This is SHIT. I'm just waiting for it to get to the scene where Gabe meets with the Mayor, because so far this is just engineered idiocy, minute after minute of Chloe being a braindead, upper-class twit stereotype who makes me want to punch a wall. There isn't anything emotionally impactful about this, it's just INFURIATING.

Okay, that didn't take too long, and we get the Security Robots. Honestly? For starters, ignoring the fact that Andre does not have the authority to affect Paris' police force in the slightest, getting rid of these things DOES NOT EQUATE TO GETTING RID OF THE POLICE. You CAN have both, and if anything having them work in coordination would be the optimal choice in terms of ensuring that they are following their duties properly.

"It seems like Ladybug and Chat Noir are the ones enforcing the law in Paris." ...What is that even supposed to MEAN!? Outside of blatantly WEIRD stuff like that thing with the flying clone dinos and their patrols, they only deal with supervillain stuff. HOW does dealing with the one thing that NO police force, robotic or otherwise, could handle equate to them "being the ones enforcing the law in Paris." And Hawkmoth HAS MADE TECH CONTROLLING VILLAINS BEFORE IN THE FORM OF ROBUSTUS!!! I'm aware that it's Gabe and Tomoe pushing this, but Andre should KNOW about Robustus, meaning he should have a ready made reason to NOT ACCEPT THEM that doesn't involve badly executed arguments!!!

Seriously, this episode's entire root conflict basically relies on Andre somehow not remembering Robustus. Oh, and now Lila's infiltrating the hotel, which makes no sense as I'm pretty sure that the workers would be able to tell she's not one of them. Blah blah blah, pretentious rich girl sounds from Chloe... Lila using her video camera to spy on them...

Also, how the hell does Andre not realize that letting his daughter talk to him like she's his boss makes him look like a complete and utter loser in front of Tomoe and Gabe?

Lila is literally having Chloe say things she knows will make Gabe want to Akumatize her, clearly these two are criminal masterminds. /s

Wow, Gabe describes Chloe acting like a pretentious little brat as "not being cowardly." Even ignoring how he's clearly only doing this for Akuma reasons, this is fucking stupid.

Andre earns one point for pointing out that trying to ban superheroes is dumb as people love Ladybug and Chat Noir (not even mentioning the impossibility of actually ENFORCING such a ban)... and immediately loses it for not realizing that he has allowed Chloe to get away with PLENTY unreasonable bullshit, so him standing up on not BANNING HER ENTIRE CLASS FROM EVER GOING TO ANY HIGH SCHOOL is utterly toothless. Heck, he's not even standing up to her, as he's literally just standing up to her in the most superficial and tepid way imaginable.

Weird, when Gabe revealed he's taking Adrien out of Paris, even if she almost used her new grade school insult for him, Chloe almost sounded WORRIED about him not being around. I have zero doubts in my mind that if the show bothered to acknowledge this, it'd be because she's "upset at losing a new target to make suffer" or some pretentious shit like that. I feel like I'm using pretentious a lot.

And Andre once again proves to be a completely spineless JOKE when he "promises to do whatever Chloe wants" so she'll stop pestering him. My guy, it is so far past any point where you could salvage your image, you should've shut her down and had the staff take her to her room THE SECOND SHE CAME IN YELLING AT YOU WHILE YOU WERE IN A FUCKING MEETING!!! All admitting you are bowing to her whims does is make you look like a spineless jackass.

Oh, and Lila feeding Chloe's ego by saying that Chloe's engineered temper tantrum was a "real display of power." Yeah, how in the WORLD could Chloe have turned out so awful. /s

We are back to the class, all of them deciding to spend their afternoon at Juleka's place, ROSE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE GODDAMN KISSES!!! Stop "awwwing" over them!! THEY ARE NOT THAT CUTE AS A COUPLE!!!!

And we're back to Gabe and Andre, Gabe's about to confront Andre, what was the fucking point with the scene at the boat?? They start off talking very familiar with each other, implying that they have history beyond both being Rich People In Paris, with Gabe basically pulling a "just trust me bro" to Andre's request for an explanation behind the robots. I'd honestly like one as well; what is even the fucking point of those stupid things?

"Remember when we were young and penniless?" No. NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU DO NOT GET TO DO THAT!! YOU DO NOT GET TO STOP AND REMINISCE ABOUT BEING POOR, NOT WHEN YOUR FUCKING NAME IS LITERALLY A TERM FOR BEING BORN INTO FUCKING WEALTH AND PRIVILEGE YOU CORRUPT PIECE OF SHIT!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO START TALKING ABOUT "THE GOOD OLD DAYS" AFTER ALL THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT, NOT WHEN YOU AND GABE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PORTRAYED AS BEING RICH AS FUCK, EMILIE LITERALLY HAVING BEEN DESCRIBED AS FUCKING OLD MONEY!!! IF YOU WERE EVER FUCKING POOR FOR REAL I WOULD EAT MY LEFT FOOT!!!

"Don't you think we were much happier back then?" NO!! SHUT UP!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO GO "WOE IS ME" ABOUT BEING FUCKING RICH RIGHT NOW!! IT IS NOT A MATTER OF WHAT YOU HAVE NOW OR WHAT YOU HAD BACK THEN, ALL YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS ARE ENTIRELY BECAUSE YOU ARE A CORRUPT, SPINELESS PIECE OF HUMAN FILTH!!!! YOU MADE YOUR CHOICES!!!! YOU CHOSE TO BE A FUCKING MONSTER!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO BLAME BEING WEALTHY!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO DO THAT!!!!

"A woman who barely respects me, a selfish heartless daughter, and a city hall that I never wanted!" SHUT UP!! SHUT! THE FUCK!! UP!! STOP WHINING ABOUT HOW AWFUL YOUR LIFE IS!! YOUR WIFE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU BECAUSE SHE'S A BITCH AND BECAUSE YOU ARE A SPINELESS WORM WHO DESERVES NO RESPECT!!! CHLOE IS ONLY SELFISH BECAUSE YOU HAVE SPENT YEAR AFTER FUCKING YEAR SPOILING AND NEGLECTING HER!! YOU MADE THIS FUCKING BED AND YOU CAN GODDAMN LIE IN IT LIKE THE FLEA BITTEN DOG THAT YOU ARE!!! AND YOU NEVER WANTED CITY HALL, YOU COULD FUCKING QUIT AT ANY TIME!! NO ONE IS FORCING YOU INTO THIS LIFE!! NO ONE IS MAKING YOU DO ANY OF THIS SHIT!!! YOUR MISTAKES ARE YOUR OWN, OWN UP TO THEM FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A LIFE YOU LIVING SHITSTAIN!!!

"All my life I've lied, cheated, and abused my power." NO ONE FORCED YOU TO!! YOU DON'T GET TO BELLYACHE ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES WHEN YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO CORRECT THEM YOU DEGENERATE SACK OF WASTE!!!

"I've become a tyrant in service to my family and their friends," STOP FUCKING BLAMING YOUR OWN CHOICES ON YOUR FAMILY!! THEY HAVE NO POWER TO FORCE YOU TO ABUSE YOUR POWER, YOU CHOSE TO DO SO!!! CHLOE BEING A BRAT IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! AUDREY DISRESPECTING YOU IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! YOUR LIFE IS NOBODY'S FAULT EXCEPT YOUR OWN!!!!

God fucking dammit, that isn't out of my system, but if I keep pausing for every little thing that upsets me, I'm gonna have an aneurysm. Yadda yadda, long-winded lecture about Andre abusing his power in stupid ways that he has no power to actually enforce, we get the "reveal" that Gabe used to be better, once again without any evidence when all the evidence regarding his treatment of Adrien instead points to him having always been a self-absorbed, self-righteous control freak, and FUCK does this bullshit piss me off. There is NOTHING I loathe more than slimeballs like Andre, who whine and cry about how unfair life is when everything being shit is entirely a product of their own actions, grow the fuck up and start doing something productive with your life. You've got the office, stop bending over backwards like a coward and just DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.

"Maybe there's still hope, maybe we can still change." I do not trust you to "change" in any meaningful way that doesn't involve running away from your mistakes and leaving someone else to clean up the mess. "Give up our privileges, go back to the way it was," yup, immediately proven right. His idea of "changing" is "plug his head in the sand, ignore reality, and act as if all the damage he's caused is no longer his problem." THIS is the man they want us to sympathize with? Yeah, fuck that.

Also, the way they used "privileges" reminds me of Astruc's bullshit about Chloe not redeeming or changing as a person. WHAT fucking privileges?? His status as the Mayor? All he has to do is stop running each election. Give up his money?? He's already rich because of his fucking hotel, that's not happening, and it means he'll still have a massive status to rely on. WHAT fucking privileges could he even give up!?

"City hall is no longer for sale." What, have you been making illicit deals like this with Tomoe before now? If it's ever been "for sale" you've got no one but yourself to blame. And Gabe had been recording the entire thing, and Andre's monologue just so happened to include a sarcastic list of awful abuses of power, conveniently all in a row, that Gabe can neatly and easily edit down into a "confession" he can use to induce an Akumatization, because apparently he can't just force the process despite having shown that yes, he can do exactly that during Zombizou. Also, weird thing with the edited video, it somehow changed the pitch and tone without any efforts to actually DO that, he just shuffled stuff around.

Caline's Akuma form is stupid looking on so many levels, and why would she even NEED the Pig Miraculous power?? Hawkmoth has made forced recruitment powers LOADS OF TIMES!! Heck, this time is even weaker then normal since her recruits are FUCKING BALLOONS!!!

Gabe and Tomoe plot to make Chloe look like a savior, I wonder how in the world they'll do that. /s

And now Caline's Akuma is on live TV, announcing her intentions. I can't even take her words seriously because of how stupid she looks.

Back to Adrien and Marinette, and right when it looks like Adrien's gonna share the bad news, word about Caline getting Akumatized arrived. They aren't even trying not to drag this out anymore.

Adrien, it's NEVER going to be the right time. It's the kind of thing you just have to get over with. Ideally, you do it in a situation where the other person is comfortable. But there's never gonna be a "right time for it."

Zoe takes off running after seeing the doctored video, and we get a scene with Chloe, who shows... well, annoyance at Andre's words. Either because she's dumb enough to think that this is a genuine and knowing confession, or because she has enough moral standards to know that what he's suggesting is idiotic... who am I kidding, of course it's because they think she's stupid.

Yeah, she's just stupid. She literally had to have Lila spell out the problem with assuming she'll still have any kind of power or protection from her actions after this engineered confession.

Caline confronts the cops, and after slashing through a bunch of them... all except the two that are LITERALLY right next to her landing spot are just standing in place, not doing anything, despite holding weapons. They, they aren't even RUNNING AWAY FROM THE SUPERVILLAIN IN THEIR MIDST. Also, this scene honestly makes Tomoe and Gabe's creation of a robotic police force look JUSTIFIED just due to how utterly incompetent the cops come off here.

"I think it's strange that Monarch would support a revolutionary." Ladybug, he literally already did this with Darkblade. He might've been more about personally seizing power, but it is literally the exact same fucking principle. He doesn't "support" anyone, he uses people's personal crusades as a bludgeon to get his way, nothing more and nothing less.

"A revolution when everyone is corrupt," you literally heard a single clip regarding a single politician. If that's proof that everyone's corrupt, that points more to you having been one bad day from going on a rampage to start with.

Also, just noticed, her "army" is even weaker than minion-maker Akumas normally are; they literally can't do anything but FLOAT THERE.

"It's not up to us to decide who should or shouldn't be a mayor, we just need to deakumatize the villain." ...NO FUCKING DUH!? FOR FUCK'S SAKE, THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT YOU WERE ALREADY DOING!! ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY YOU WEREN'T TAKING HER SERIOUSLY TO START WITH!? IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE IT, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW, I'M NOT THE CREATOR WHO DECIDES EVERYTHING IN-UNIVERSE!!!

Oh hey, the Balloons finally do something, I wonder how hard it'll be to make literal balls of air go away... Oh, they are actually struggling. That's honestly sad.

"Deep down, he's not a bad mayor!" Zoe's on the scene for some reason, and trying to talk down an Akuma, clearly that'll do something. /s

Also, no Zoe, your step-dad is a TERRIBLE mayor. He's done nothing but use and abuse his powers for YEARS, and no matter what he says to the contrary, it's entirely his own fault, and he is literally planning on abandoning his position, doing nothing to actually correct his mistakes, to live out his hobby.

"I thought we were friends, Gabriel, but it seems that is no longer the case!" Andre, buddy, for him being your "friend," the two of you never hang out or communicate in any way. Heck, why would you think he's your friend when he literally made a high-end "get along shirt" to mock your dysfunctional marriage?

"Then again, what you did was finally the push I needed to make the right decision." I suspect you don't mean "own up to my mistakes and do all in my vast power as both the Mayor and a wealthy hotel owner to correct them and keep them from coming back again."

Seriously, why the hell aren't Ladybug and Chat just taking her out from behind. SHE IS DISTRACTED!! YOU LITERALLY SAID YOURSELF THAT IT IS NOT UP TO YOU TO DECIDE WHO GETS TO BE MAYOR OR NOT, YOUR ENTIRE POINT IS TO DEFEAT AKUMAS AND SHE IS NOT SO INTIMIDATING THAT YOU NEED TO ENABLE SOMEONE WHO IS CLEARLY NOT IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MIND!!!

Yup, just got confirmed that he's going to weasel his way out of his responsibilities and the consequences of his actions. Corruption carries steeper penalties then just losing the job, there's jail time and steep fines involved.

"The Lucky Charm was warning me about her!" ...How? How in the WORLD could it be warning you about the powerless BRAT before you? I just... I cannot deal with this shit. This is just stupid.

Also, this scene kinda shoots the "her spotty vision is all in her head" idea in the foot given that it only went off after Chloe entered the room. If it's meant to be a representation of Marinette being creative, it fails massively when it's clearly reacting exclusively to her biases right now.

"A crown for the queen of brats" OH GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF YOU LEATHER CAT-SUIT WEARING SIMP!!!

And here comes the scene of Chloe illegally taking power that she doesn't actually have, and trying to pin the blame on Ladybug and Chat Noir. How pathetic. And everyone watching the news as Chloe appoints herself mayor... I'm pretty sure the VICE MAYOR is the person who gets the position if anyone wants it. Also, if Andre DID resign under duress, he's technically still in office and can just COME BACK.

Also, if anyone believes that CHLOE of all people, especially when she's actively in the middle of illegally seizing power, would unironically say "power must return to the people," they are an idiot.

WOW, she just declared the known terrorist an outlaw, THAT will actually mean something and have a tangible effect on what happens going forward! /s

Not even gonna touch her "outlawing" Ladybug and Chat Noir, since that's stupid to start with.

[randomclam24]

Replaying N64 titles with LQ2XS filter + per-pixel lighting

I was trying for something that would take the lobby from Mario 64 and make the walls and ceiling especially resemble a sky, like the original, and not just surfaces. I think it took this combination to pull that off with upscaling. LQ2XS makes bizarre visual artifacts, but it seems to be the best overall Was using Smooth filtering 2, but Smooth filtering 4 might work the best Smooth filtering 2 worked best with LQ2X

7/18 It was my uncle Butch, my mom's brother who never succeeded in life and lived with my grandparents, who told me the variation of the nursery rhyme with hand figures, "here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door and CRUSH ALL THE PEOPLE!" Then when he was the one who took a bat to someone after grandma and grandpa moved out to the old people's home, leaving him alone there with no real means, that was absolutely during the time when my gangstalking ramped up to 250, out of 10. It proves that he was capable of being *manipulated* into doing it.

Update I think "inspiration" as the very concept is overblown in our society because even with that, I'm still incredibly lazy.

Wait. About a third of men have dropped out of society by now, according to recent news. Are you saying it's not just us?

Update I was thinking by now what I really need is an external hard drive to store all the games, so it's not just download-one-at-a-time.

Update later Now, having an up-to-date-enough laptop at my disposal doesn't seem nearly as much a valuable commodity. It really should, because there's technically nothing a phone can do that this can't, not that I would want to try it. I have never had a phone other than hand-me-downs which are flip phones.

Update The Steam sale I was trying to go for before that I had to go to the bank over again because it ended was Saya no Uta. And the restoration patch had to be bought outside the site itself because of Steam's policies. Fuck censorship ever There were options to blur/dim "grotesque" backgrounds. No, none of that. Unironically have alcohol on the side to numb myself for it

Update So, guys, when are we going to talk about the glaring problem of the censorship in the EU? People need to be able to talk about how the Holocaust didn't happen, as it was *obviously* a hoax

Come on people, it's 2023

Update So people can already make the connection that liberals consider something to be right or true in the fact that it can be made to seem right or true to a majority of people. Why doesn't anyone put the 2 + 2 together to understand that this is related to what the jews call pilpul? They *know* they're disingenuous.

Update Thinking back to that one time drunkenness ever actually took a hold on me while drinking with my cousin at night - what we ended up doing, as I've said before, is share a single jacket in the early winter or something, applying friction for heat when it's off, and that was to go to Taco Bell and back, even if only to find out it's not one of those that are open all night - isn't what I get drunk from time to time, hoping to recreate that kind of experience ideally, just trying to make up for the reality that I can't go outside without crippling anxiety? And given what I've talked about, that's probably not what they call anxiety. That's probably trauma.

Update It's like the way I envision people just inherently looking at me is so negativistic

That one time when in Mechanical Drawing class, in downtime when people had all their assignments before the next deadline done and got to play Halo online in a local server, which is a miracle in itself in a way, I semi-consistently sniped down guys in Banshees with a shotgun - one guy said across the room or something, if that were real life, you wouldn't be able to do that with a shotgun (now that I think of it, despite it being short-range in classification in videogames, they're used for disk shooting at ranges, and you wouldn't have overshields, combined with the fact that Banshees absolutely have this gaping open back section exposing the pilot)

Update There was one point in trying Quake III Arena well after its heyday I figured the people there were going to be more experienced than me no matter what, so in a narrow situation of 1v1'ing one other person who happened to be the current winner of the match by a longshot, I went into overdrive mode and won. One time. And then that got people spectating monitoring me until they eventually just concluded, "he's useless".

Online multiplayer modes killed my ego

Update Good not to be isolated to people whose investment in these things in the first place is casual, otherwise I would still be left with the impression from "You're a wizard Harry"

Update Having a Gameboy Advance rendition of the school's sport Quidditch basically made it glaringly more obvious that the role of the Snitch makes practically the entirety of the rest of the game surrounding it defunct. It was always designed to produce those scenes, where the sense of empowerment with the protagonist was had.

Update What did I end up liking as a "main" instead of that later on in childhood? A Series of Unfortunate Events, the novel series. And even then my actual readership was kind of skimpy, but I did stick with the final releases. I found out *much* later, in high school, that the same author went on to make some novels with a romantic bent, but i never went into that.

I don't think it's far-fetched to think the concept of "VFD" as an acronym for a secret society gave me ideas. Either way my ideas are not great

Update I try to dismiss something like the Stanley Parable retroactively - big booming noise in the distance like a thunderstorm just arrived. But there was always the fact going in that I had that kind of ideation taken from that series.

Update That psyop that gets regurgitated every now and then that the founding fathers were Masons by nature of modern freemasonry, and so they're discredited as patriots, and I hate that because it's not hard to recognize these things as actual societies that existed in the past before being taken over from within in whatever capacity that they were to be as they are, today.

7/19 night Given that a cartoon rendition of something is what is shown to kids, I'm surprised from my own experimentation that the cartoony representation of bubbles appearing around someone would take such a massive amount, whereas most people just drink a casual amount. But that trope might have come around back in the early days of cartoons like Popeye the Sailorman.

Update I wonder if there's a "zen state" you have to master in videogames to play Cuphead and Mugman, because I can't beat World 2

Update What was I even thinking, taking the time out to make a comprehensive map, hand-drawn, of Link's Awakening as a kid, and then thinking about advancing the details further later on? There's no "true level" on which to advance, yet that's how I was feeling.

Update In high school, I landed a preliminary task for contributing to a major wad with a zombie invasion, and the idea was to make a zombie mall. Not only had I not played the actual games already made with that concept, I don't think non-abstractly enough to come up with what the mall stores are going to be just from scratch as an organic addition to a game. Sure, you could just copy-paste actual stores and just edit them slightly, but that wouldn't be any fun.

There was a sentiment going around over the factoid or observation that the worst kinds of people tend to outlive a catastrophe. Really, that's the way I feel this whole job market deal comes out to. Those are my feelings.

Update It's like, what am I getting up for? (So we don't kick your ass?) That's what I already do, and I take naps.

Update The best wives only come as 2D images. Wtf is this bro

1/4 of gay men have a body count of over 1000. Compare that to most women

Update I honestly had in mind with the Common Filth upload "Esoteric Cannibalism of the Old World Order" the kinds of things that used to scar me, like MLP Snes, or more specifically the screaming face wall texture from the original Doom, which in its first appearance really has that kind of effect, unless you're just phasing it out or, I don't know. Also, a comparison of MLP Snes to the spirit of corporate greed I think is just a plain dumb ass take. Those were things like, if you don't not want to look at it for very long in the first place, you're doing it wrong.

7/19 It's not that I don't like work per se. It's more that I'm legitimately scared of it being sprung on me as something that I have to do indefinitely, because I've heard about crunch time hours. Also, if there isn't a way to learn computer programming such that having a higher IQ actually counts for something, since it *is* all about memorization for its own sake, I'll be spinning my tires in the mud just to keep the same pace with everyone else, and that will be the case indefinitely.

It's scary, and the only way to avoid that fear is to keep putting it off.

There's no doubt my mom thinks I'm not *doing* anything, because whenever she catches me sleeping during the day, something that my own dad has suggested for things like after mowing the lawn on a weekday, she says she's just going to have to send me off again because she's about to give up. That doesn't match anything that's being said about my actual workmanship. If they thought that, they would be screaming at me constantly. This economy has gotten by in its greatest years doing on average fifteen minutes of actual work every day. That's an exaggeration, but still. They've actually accepted when I've taken naps during the day, but if it's in the morning just after I get up, then it's different.

There's a sentencing that comes implicit with this kind of perception of someone. If I just work *now*, I'll be *accepting* that all of this has been put in place - this is a problem because there is falsehood preceding anything that I can actually do that puts me in a bind conjecturally. They were thinking it was just because of the conjectures, but that's specifically why i said there's a falsehood preceding anything that I can actually do: the conjectures are wrong!

Is it strategically sound in representation of others to just say I don't care about embarassment, because other people might be stuck in the conjectures on my account with their bosses because they saw

Literally education only ever worked despite the modern world when it was elementary in nature. That way, they couldn't say it was over my head in ignorance because it was so obvious. *Now* it comes with a *complex*.

There's too much crap. To begin with, I want to start in the direction of something that isn't completely coated and buried in faeces. Well I don't have anything other than computer science. That's where I compulsively get *up* and don't fuck with the thought.

Update Alright, let's sit down and write what it is, and hope this doesn't get the account taken down, although that *is* the principle on which accounts are taken down across the Internet. This is deliberate disobedience.

Look. This is a narrative about the employer and their story about how employees don't want to *work* (by this point the voice carrying that narrative has taken off onto their level of speaking and will *not* let -)

"In this narrative, I don't exist" doesn't even register

One thing I've heard within my online campaign is that the origins of language and commerce are so simple, it doesn't even warrant the kind of worrying we're doing at this point, or at least that's how I'm feeling right now.

Staying right for the employer precedes essence to such a degree, the rest might as well be reduced to smearing shit on the walls, because that people do less than fifteen minutes a day of actual work is fine has no bearing on the fact that you have to appease in the moment. And literally *none* of that adds up to mathematics. I actually feel like even difficult topics for other people are simple and so a breath of fresh air relative to the bane that is appeasement.

Update after dinner I think the thing is, no one honestly does "work" - when you're doing that, the joke's on you.

Update I mean, I would just continue typing out the online course as I have been up to this point, but it's at the point in involvement now, it's just so that going any further would be what everyone else in this game would already be considering trying too hard or extra.

Update All that the best of us say is "It's just that I'm not doing it is all, hahaha", and that's the product end-result of caring the most about their country which is now nonexistent. No one's work ethic I think actually goes beyond that in all seriousness. I think that's an illusion.

Update I guess it's time for white people to just face mass starvation and death. There's no such thing as productivity anymore. We just sit here and shitpost.

That positive net worth in statistics showing whether people gave back or took away from the overall value of the country based on race - I think that's what the hood was referring to when they said "extra"

They had actual snow crab legs in bags in a refridgerator at the local foods stand, and I pointed out that the price per pound was like ten dollars, which is much less than Red Lobster, and she said that's by pound - you would probably have to buy the whole bag. Now when I remember it I can't stop thinking about it, because I've actually been to Red Lobster and gotten that recently, and it wasn't snow crab, but the new kind they had on the menu which allegedly everyone who tries it says tasted better.

Peanuts straight out of the shells are probably the strongest taste I've got to drown out the aftertaste of alcohol, and it kind of has that same kind of saltiness, and the fact that you're breaking it out of shells.

I'll take my mom kicking me in the pants to do something productive over that schtick of, I'm going to just go all the way giving *up* on you It's not that hard. They *could do* that They act like I've usurped all authority over them or something to that effect so that they can't just prod me to do something, and I don't remember that ever happening

They act like they're broken as parental authorities on account of their image of me that they lived through vicariously. It's not natural. I think it's the gangstalking bugging.

Have someone actually kick me in the pants to do something. What does that mean? What will that mean? Setting an alarm for every morning regardless of how late I stayed up? Opening the blinds in my room?

I'm not setting a good example, but to begin with, neither was anyone else - I know that's not an excuse

Update It's almost like I *want* a circumstance where I have no choice practically but to do something productive so that I can be productive without doing this thing where I internally rationalize the act of being productive against my will for no reason at all and thereby normalizing it. I want a circumstance where I'm just doing things because getting ahead would be practically desirable. Right here, it seems like the white men dropping out of society are the ones in the lead socially, despite what everyone else might be saying. Right now, competition doesn't seem relevant.

And of course there's something funny about the fact that liberalism has been criticized for requiring people to live in such a way that is mere existence, while white men dropping out of society are more literally doing just that.

Update I don't know why I identified with MLG montage parodies to the extent that when someone came out and made a personal video calling them out for being the only ones still making those kinds of videos in the first place, I got it but still found that unrelatable

Best argument you can make - and that raises further questions: MLG montage is a representation of a lifestyle, such that even apparently making parodies of the thing itself is still considered valid as a continuation of that lifestyle, after the fact of the original cause dying out because of loss of interest

Some people made mods for GZDoom to the extent that you can have more or less all of the standard film effects from 7th-gen gaming in the original classic Doom. I don't see why that wouldn't be welcome with Mario 64 - I think in its current form, no matter how you slice it, there's a certain limit to its immersion

There might be an opportunity down the line for some mass redpilling regardless of this perception of mine that the heyday for this has passed and you can all go home now if you want - maybe I don't want to ramble *too* much

For some reason, in my dreams, stores typically have at least a couple of things that I really like that stand out to me, like videogames that are less common, or tasty treats that seem overly fancy for the location

There used to be this mentality with me like there's always going to be something to do that can be done in a more narrow amount of time than what typical work or homework expects of you, so get this all in now while you still can. Now - where is that supply of things to do?

Surreal take: yes People act like the age of marriage from ancient times is something disgusting, when the body count of women leaves hardly any virgins out of high school

And I've heard about Common Filth's take on the subject matter: the people in Europe pushing the envelope on that, they're not even doing that, but homosex - it's between a severe age difference, so it's called "man-boy love"

Update There are some truths that are inconvenient in society which have to be said. I don't know if that's ego, that I want to be the guy to be held to the heat of it. So inasmuch as that's the point, it's more like "Christ is not a respecter of persons" - how much could the Christendom of the first centuries change about the modern era, that being your orientation where productivity only in the system's terms would have taken precedence otherwise?

I'm sorry for acting crazy good Lord But it *was* being honest

No I'm not going to smear shit on the stalls - that's a meme

Very, very, very, very, very seriously - it's not pronounced culturally *that* much, but K. Lamar's "you don't gotta try so hard", in the song where he calls out people trying to impress each other like the feds

Acting like you have to own up to the kind of pressuring that modern society puts to people - is that necessary

But I had a mentality like the message from Pokemon, "There's a time and place for everything" - so then where does the pressure that society gives us even come from?

If transgender activism was removed wholesale from schools and so on such that it would no longer be the main rite of passage to just homeschool your kids, maybe I would have some faith in this country

It's kind of true that I haven't heard anybody recommend a song album on account of it being a kind of spiritual experience, despite what people say about things like LSD opening your mind to the possibility that everything is a lie - and that was what was relevant throughout the 60's, at the time of the major bands like the Beatles

Update I called out, the point at which Metaverse instantiated itself as a thing, I had just been thinking along those lines of virtual reality with the wad Phocas Island 2. That may just well be the comfiest thing I've played.

Update SOAD - I think the only common factor in their lyrics was that it has some roots in what American culture actually portrays, so it's a question sometimes whether they're dramatizing it or just parodying it

I know it's probably not the most stable thing to put all your eggs in the basket with, but now that the general idea of what I felt the need to do the "mission" for has passed, more or less - but there's no real cutoff point, though - maybe the next thing I would do is try to fortify my own more fundamentalist version of Christendom and challenge the current "orthodoxy" of the casual church with it, in such a way that they really feel compelled to address it as opposed to staying at ease

I don't know exactly. Just basic things like "turn the other cheek" are construed from being a smart tactic to being the moral focus.

I don't have a full image of what the United States actually has going on, especially throughout. If that last thing alone is already too hard to teach to the modern churches, then maybe we do deserve to collapse and just be let alone during the process.

Honestly, one thing that inevitably pops up is the Christian doctrine, abstain from all appearance of evil, which is a personal conundrum. Though I think that's more to do with how other people will see what I'm saying. This is where all the purists have their basis.

One night, my mom decided to take my blood pressure, when no one thought I had alcohol at home, and she was shocked. Only because I convinced her to take it again the next day on account of having played MyHouse.wad at the time did she later get a better recording and calm down some, but I still have to eat healthier now. I'm actually going to take it myself again once it's been more than half a day after the fact. If after two days or so it's totally normal, then we have our verdict.

7/20 Midwits. The fact that I have to correct after-the-fact every single individual time when I feel like pointing out these people act like mindless beasts, unlike what they take from that, that it's people with *less* than midwit IQs who are stupid and useless, to which they agree, no, it's midwits' sense of "better judgment" that makes them act as mindless beasts in the first place out of all of us! You don't even see this.

No, I do not just call people that for its own sake

Update It's been these people that definitively have to constantly distance themselves socially from other groups of people so that other people don't think they're stupid or something. I don't even have to worry about that.

The midwit bellcurve is real

Generally speaking, when it's you saying the entirety of everyone else as a group is off their rocker, it's basing itself on a point that might happen once in a blue moon to one person, and even then won't be that big of a deal unless it's severe. Basically it's *your* personal issue. Hence no one else made that issue out of the thing. That goes to show that, outside of yourself, that issue doesn't even exist. Again, okay, maybe a minor catastrophe will happen once in a blue moon. Why are you so preoccupied with distancing yourself from people you consider swine? And I mean this is the mindset midwits have when they make their appeals to science, because no one else is making that big a thing out of it but them at this point, now that the sciences are slowly dying.

All things considered, considering where "better judgment", the meme, comes from, it's *not* a legitimate thing but just more midwit hand-having of what's good in life. From what I've experienced in life, midwits all act like narcissists.

Midwits are the ones with the greatest ability to jump to actual belief on such a level that they go absolutely crazy simply for being challenged on it. Nobody else does that more than narcissist midwits.

Update Talking about what would actually be going on in the mind of midwits sounds like what would effectively get you banned, because that sounds to be the base of operations of the kinds of ploys made by the mainstream media on the masses, on whom it works best is midwits

Okay, but generally speaking, it seems like every "argument" they forge is focused on modifying their sense of self-image in real time. That it's what's really going on in real time, that much I do know. I just don't know exactly what they're *doing*. And once the altercation is made, it's like it can't be revoked and taken back because it's already become a part of themselves, done in their subconscious, and they act like you're asking for something crazy when you try this.

So yeah, that bonkers behavior is their base state. It's just a matter of time until you see it come out

Unironically, with a theoretical study done on midwit minds, if such a thing could even happen, you can expect the same as with circumcision psychology: "Our problems began when we attempted to publish our findings", or in *this* case, much earlier because of what it taps into

Even jews in pilpul have enough self-awareness, they will get off it if called out succinctly enough. Midwits don't even know how to do this, so in fact they're far more insufferable in person.

These are literally the people who gave me the actual impression, "with [midwits], you lose!" You literally cannot win unless you were to physically shut them off.

[piastrinorris]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

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Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 4.2k

A/N: Aaaaaand THIS is where the real good stuff starts! Sorry for all the other posts, just had to start getting the ball rolling. I am aware that since this is taking place in modern London, there may well be slang used that people don't necessarily recognise. If you'd like me to make a glossary of some kind, hit me up!! I hope you enjoy Ralph In The Future as much as I do <3

"Bet it feels strange being behind here again, doesn't it?" the customer asks you. It's an older woman, you don't particularly recognise her, but she certainly seems to know you well enough to know you've been promoted since you first started working here.

You force a smile, "Not really! Sometimes the floor just needs an extra pair of hands, and it helps me know what's working and what isn't for my staff and my customers, so," you shrug.

"Yeah, I don't envy you, still working at a time when nobody wants to work," she shakes her head.

You press your lips together tightly. There are so many arguments you could make right now, but already trying to juggle two roles is taxing enough. Instead you simply tell the woman her total and ring her through. Once again adorning your best customer service smile, you thank her for her custom and send her on her way.

"D'you think she's ever worked a customer service job in her life?" Your shop floor assistant asks as they re-fold their display shirts.

You shake your head, "I think… Cushty little secretary job at her dad's business, at first. Never had to pay rent, got married to the first guy at that job to pay her attention, got a council house nice and early and spawned a couple of kids just to stop him from walking."

They let out a wide-eyed, long-drawn breath, "Daaamn, someone woke up on the salty side of the bed this morning!"

You chuckle humourlessly, "That doesn't even make sense. And yeah, sorry, it just… Really sucks that I've got major shit to do this week, but I can't just let you do all the work out here on your own, not with Karens like that around."

"Can't you get your friend to come down and cover? Or to do your manager shit on their next shift?" 

"Nah, it's gotta be me. And they can't come in today because of their other job, so I'm gonna do it as overtime," you explain dejectedly.

"You're doing great, champ!" they sidle up to you to gently punch you in the shoulder encouragingly.

"Hey now, kiddo, I'm the manager here, I need to be motivating you!"

"Nah, you're sales right now. You're just as good as the rest of us common muck," they tease, and you stick your tongue out at them.

The day drags, and the quality of customers certainly doesn’t improve. A man who thinks he can return an item without a receipt. A woman who insists on ordering an item that’s no longer available because she saw a friend wearing it just last week. Children. 

And sure, maybe now, at 5:40pm, the customer of your dreams could walk in through the front door. But you and your coworker are exhausted, and this is the kind of shit you always wanted to become a manager to do. Taking one last look up and down the almost empty high street, save for the ones who are heading to the Wetherspoons on the corner, you decide to start the closing process early.

You manage to finish a little after 6pm, and you consider just getting all of your admin stuff done while you’re here, but also, you really can’t stand the sight of these four walls much longer. You figure you’ll just go to the coffee shop nearby, get yourself an iced latte for the walk home and think about what kind of takeaway you’ll be craving once you get back to your flat. No cooking. Not tonight.

You’re well into a mental debate about whether you’d rather have a chow mein or a biryani when something else piques your interest. There’s a man in front of you in some kind of costume. It’s either really old-school military, or… Safari explorer. Maybe he’s one of those live re-enactors. Maybe he works at the zoo. Maybe he’s just one of those quirked-up little guys. You get your phone out to text your friends, ready to ask them if they’ve seen anyone dressed similarly before, but as you continue walking you collide with something.

Someone. Your flimsy plastic cup gets crushed immediately upon the impact, pouring ice cold coffee down the strangely-dressed man’s back. Your first instinct is to shout, “Watch it!”

The man jumps out of his skin, either at your words or the ice cubes soaking his back. He spins around to look at you like a deer in headlights. Eyes like giant chocolate buttons stare you down. If he’s supposed to be dressed as an Army boy, he does not have the face to convince me, you think. Unless the message they’re sending is that literally anyone could get drafted.

“You alright?” you ask, eyes narrowing and head cocking as you study him.

“Ah - um - oh, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! This was absolutely my fault, I’m just - I’m so lost, and I was trying to find a man and now he’s gone and - oh, blast, stupid Ralph, you’ve really gone and done it now!” the man flusters, looking in every direction except at you.

You whistle and click your fingers at his eye level. “Hey, Bambi! Focus. It’s okay.”

He moves his head back to scrunch his face at you in confusion. “Bambi?”

You smirk, “Yeah, you’re like a baby deer right now. You said you’re lost? Where’re you trying to get to?”

“Uh, well, I suppose I should try and find my home, um… Penbury House?” he asks tentatively.

You kiss your teeth a few times as you think of where you’ve heard that name before. “Oh!” You look at him, puzzled. “You sure that’s your house?”

“Well, my name is Ralph Penbury, so…” he wiggles his shoulders from side to side before shrugging. You appreciate the extra flair.

“Right, but Penbury House is the name of the place they turned into a Waterstone’s,” you explain. He looks lost again, so you explain, “Waterstone’s is a bookstore.”

Ralph scoffs, “Oh, pish-posh, my home has not become a bookstore! That would be quite preposterous!”

So far your entire interaction with this strange man has been a tennis match of bewilderment, just exchanging expressions back and forth. “Are you, like… On something, mate? Do you need me to get you somewhere safe?”

“I want to go home, please! And not a… Bookstore, my real, actual home!” He’s starting to sound quite overwhelmed now, so you take a step back.

“Okay, okay. It’s okay. We can calm down. You mentioned looking for a man? Do you know this man?”

“Well, not personally, but I travelled here with him. About yea tall,” he holds his hand just in line with his eyebrows, “very old. Silent man. Hair just past his ears. Looks, um. Unwashed.”

Your eyebrows raise in realisation. “Ah, Homeless Pete!” Makes sense that Pete and his crew would be involved somehow. “Shall we go and find him?”

“Do you know where he is?!” Ralph asks, his expression lighting up. He may be dressed like an absolute twat, but you can’t deny his adorable little puppy-dog face.

“I know where he hangs out, we can go see if he’s there?” you ask, and Ralph nods. “C’mon,” you jerk your head in the direction towards where you know Homeless Pete tends to hang out when he’s not walking the streets. You wonder what ol’ H.P. (as your friends call him) could have given his poor boy to make him trip like this. “So, uh, quick question. Sorry, I completely forgot. What’s the full date today?”

“Well, the last I checked, it was September the 7th, 1926,” he replies simply. You stop in your tracks, and he looks back at you with a frown. “What’s the matter?”

“N-nothing, nothing,” you shake your head and carry on walking. This poor boy must be on something pretty damn strong. “Let’s get you to H.P, yeah?” Just to find out what he’s taken. Then it’s straight to the hospital.

Ralph inhales so loudly that a guttural sound forms in his throat. “Oh my goodness! Do you think - am I in - the future?” He grips your arm tightly. “Was the lift a time machine, perhaps?”

“Maybe,” you tap his hand lightly with your own as you keep walking with him, "considering that it's September the 7th, 2022." Normally, you would be throwing any stranger that hugged your arm like Ralph now is to the ground, but there’s just something about him. Either he plays the innocent human puppy role far better than any indie boy that’s ever tried to hit on you on a night out, or he really is just going through it.

You eventually reach the underpass where a large part of the local homeless population gather, and sure enough, there is Pete himself, sat between two shopping trolleys. He spots the two of you and immediately bursts into laughter. “What the fuck, H.P?!” you yell. “You’re usually chill, what have you done to this poor boy?!”

“‘M not a boy, I’m a grown man, thank you,” Ralph mutters into your shoulder.

“‘Course you are, babe,” you murmur sarcastically as you nod at him, before once again turning to Pete. “Well?! You’ve got him talking about - about time machines, and the 1920s, I mean, just look at how the poor sod’s dressed!” Pete’s eyes widen as he waggles his finger at you, as though you’re both in a game of charades and you’re on the right track. You turn to one of the people Pete lives amongst, “What’s he been on today?”

The other person shakes their head. “Nothing, swear down! Besides, he’s a proper tight-arse, he wouldn’t go ‘round drugging any fucker going. ‘Specially not a toff like that,” they snort with laughter as they point to Ralph.

You look back to Homeless Pete. “So, you’re telling me. Time travel is fucking real.” Pete nods. “And you were in 1926, and you dragged this sad sack of shit out here with you, with no context.”

“You know I can hear you,” Ralph points out indignantly, but still quietly and still from the safety of behind your shoulder. His arms are still wrapped around yours, too.

“Yeah, but look at you, mate. You’re not exactly getting us answers as to how to get you back to… Wherever we get you back to,” you explain before once again turning to Pete. “Where is this… Time machine? Ralph said something about a lift.” Pete snarls as he gestures over to a block of flats you vaguely recognise. “So we go there, get him back in the lift, and then what? Is there a button, or a combination, or -?” Pete moves his hand from side to side. “And what does that mean, is it a random button each time?” Again, it feels like you’re in a game of charades as he silently tells you you’re on the right track. “Is the random part right?” Nod. “So, it’s not about the button, but… The floor you get on?” A shake of the head. “Is it just at random times?” Nod. “So, how do you know when to go back to it?” He shrugs, then points to his temple. “What, you get some kind of vibe, some Spidey sense?” He nods with an upside down smile. You sigh. “So we don’t know when Ralph here can get back.” A shake of the head.

“Do I have to stay here with him, then?” Ralph asks you sadly.

You sigh again. “No, c’mon. I guess you won’t want Chinese or Indian, we’ll just get a chippy dinner on the way home.” You start walking in the other direction, and Ralph quickly paces to catch up with you.

“A chippy dinner?” he asks, baffled.

“Yeah! Like fish and chips? They had that in the 20s, surely?” you reply.

“Well, yes, I suppose, but we only ever had it at the seaside,” he cocks his head as though reminiscing fondly. It only accentuates the cuteness of his whole face.

“Think you can be a big boy again now, or do you still wanna hold on?” you ask, outstretching your arm. He doesn’t appear to blush in the conventional sense, but his ears do flush a bright pink. Even more adorable. Fuck. Remember, he’s technically like a hundred years older than you. He slinks one arm around yours and you pull him in tightly by pressing your own arms towards your torso. “There we go. Now I can make sure I’m guiding you so that hopefully you don’t get bumped into anymore.”

“I think I’ve certainly learned my lesson in not standing still in front of people!” Ralph jokes, making you genuinely laugh for the first time all day. It feels strange, you can feel every muscle in your face move with it. But you also feel the weight on your chest lifting, too. You’d been at boiling point all day at work, and discovering a time-traveller wasn’t exactly helping you to simmer down. But you can make this work. He’s just an… Eccentric, extremely sheltered family friend who’s staying with you for a short while. That’s what you’ll tell anyone who asks.

“Yeah, you’ve learned that if you do, some dickhead’ll throw their iced coffee all over your back!” you laugh.

Ralph frowns, “You’re not a - a one of those, at all! You’re very nice to take me in like this. Most people seemed to think I belonged in a jungle.”

“Yeah, the old school military uniform kinda looks more… Safari explorer, these days,” you explain.

Ralph’s eyes light up. “Someone finally recognises the Army uniform for what it is!”

“Yeah, I thought I recognised it from when we went to the War Museum for school once. That was the kind of get-up they used to wear in the First World War.” You trip over your own feet a little as Ralph once again halts to anchor you to him, despite what he’s just said. He looks… Distraught. “Alright, mate?”

“Why did you say… First World War?" He asks with fear in his voice. "We won the Great War to restore the - the balance of power, how long did that last?!” He looks at you, dumbfounded.

You hiss air through your teeth. “Oh, boy. Yeah, there’s a lot that’s happened in the last century. I don’t know if it’s such a good idea telling you all of it, since once you get back, it’ll be your future, so…” You contemplate. “We’ll just keep all the questions you have to stuff you’ll need to get by in the here and now, alright? Anything you learn about history, just try and let it go over your head,” you pull him forwards gently and he falls back into step with you.

“One question I have about the here and now,” Ralph starts, and you look over at him. He makes eye contact with you to ask, “What exactly is your name?”

Laughing again, you tell him. “Sorry, I really should have led with that, shouldn’t I! It’s been a long day."

“I’ll say. About a hundred-odd years long!” A giggle bubbles out from Ralph’s lips and it makes you snicker, too.

“You’re a funny one, Penbury. For an old sod, at least,” you push your shoulder into his before leading him into the chip shop. “So, are you a fish guy, sausage, fishcake, pie?”

Ralph looks at all the options in the serving counter with an upturned nose. “What’s that one?” he asks, pressing his finger against the glass.

You look over and answer, “Battered sausage. Sausage, but in the batter they cook the fish in. Bloody lovely,” you smile wistfully. 

“I might just stick to the classic cod and chips, thank you,” Ralph mutters under his breath as he stares around the small room in fascination. You order on behalf of the pair of you and take the bag from the server with a grateful smile. Ralph notices and plasters one on as well, though his definitely comes off as more fake. He basically attaches himself to your arm again the second you’re out of the door, as though you’re bound together magnetically, and you guide him to the tower block that contains your pokey little flat.

After spending several minutes convincing Ralph that the lift isn’t going to suck him into another time period, and that he’s more than welcome to traipse up all the stairs that lead to the ninth floor, he relents and stands in the lift with you, though he stands so close that you’d think his goal was for you to wear him. Brushing against his chest feels nice, though. Shut up, you’re just touch-starved. This is not your ticket out of your dry spell. This is a fever dream.

Once you’re in your flat, you quickly dig out whatever men's clothes you have laying around - some sweatpants and a white T-shirt, and you throw them at him. "Just to get out of your dirty clothes while I plate up, eat before this gets cold, then you can go shower. I'm sure there's some boxers in my pyjama drawer you could use, too, I'll find those for you in a bit." You point to your bathroom and he quietly complies.

You could've just eaten the meals straight from their wrapper, the way you always do. But you figured Ralph has had enough culture shocks as it is, you'll give him the decency of eating from a plate. Besides, spending your night with a man dressed in 1920s army gear who's eating fish and chips out of some paper on his lap might just be enough of a sight to tell you to get yourself checked into the psych ward at the earliest convenience. At least you can try and create some kind of normalcy in this moment.

A quick Google search tells you television wasn't around in 1926, so you don't want to expose him to that tonight, too. Give it a day, maybe. You could play some old-time-y music on your Echo but you're not sure what he'd want to listen to. Instead, once you're both sat on the sofa together, you make conversation with him about his past as you eat. He tells you about how the Penburys were known socialites, how he and his sister had pretty much the same group of friends, how they had recently found friends in a rather special group of people, one of which he'd fallen head over heels for, just for her to reject him, and his heartbreak caused him to join the Army, which he hated.

"It's rather funny, you know," Ralph adds. "People here talk very similarly to Lauren and the others. I wonder if they exist in this time, too."

You start piecing things together. "Lauren… Plays jazz… She the drummer in this little quartet?" Ralph nods, his eyes wide. "Kinda short, has a brother called Nick?"

"Nicholas, yes! He's tall and he wears thick glasses! You know them?!" Ralph asks excitedly.

"Yeah, Nick was in my class all through high school! Always used to fancy him," you reminisce happily before stifling a laugh. "Wait, wait. So you mean to tell me that this Lauren you're besotted with is - is Little Lauren? Oh, you poor, sweet boy."

He looks offended. "Why would you think that that’s such a bad thing?!"

"Mate, I've known you five minutes and even I know Lauren would chew you up and spit you out," you look at him sympathetically. "And you're not gonna be able to change her on that. Unless you're into all that kinda stuff," your nose turns up a little as you joke, just to get a reaction from him.

Sure enough, there go the illusive colour-changing ears. He sputters, "W- I - I don’- I’m no- That is no appropriate discussion topic over dinner!” and you collapse into a fit of giggles, falling into him a little.

“Oh, lighten up, Ralph. Things are far less proper round here, that was nothing,” you explain, to his horror.

Once you’re both finished eating, you grab a clean pair of boxers from your pyjama drawer and toss them into the bathroom, gesturing to Ralph with your head that that’s where he ought to go. “Sorry you’re gonna have to use your finger as a toothbrush tonight, I’ve not got any extras of those, but -”

“Oh, all of this is already above and beyond! Even taking me in, I - I hope you understand how truly grateful I am, and with your patience acclimating me to… All this,” Ralph gestures around with his hands.

You nod with a soft smile. “Uh, give the shower a few minutes to run, though. Goes from freezing to scalding and then you’ve just sort of gotta… Keep fiddling with it. You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”

The various screeches you hear from behind the closed door suggest that he is not as successful in figuring out the shower as you’d hoped. While he showers, you do a little more digging. Thankful that your mum’s weird obsession with your family tree may finally come in handy, you ask for the login to her online ancestry account. Tapping through to the census search, you type the name ralph penbury and set the dates between around 1890 and 1930 to look for any documentations of birth - or death. Sure enough, an entry pops up: 

Ralph Penbury - Date of birth: 01/02/1901 - Parents: William and Delilah Penbury - Occupation: Private in the Armed Forces - Death: Announced 19/09/1926 - MIA, presumed dead

You frown at the result. Was Ralph always doomed to go missing in action, you wonder? Is he only presumed as such because he’s travelled through time? His existence hasn’t been completely erased by the trip, obviously, but how much of this was affected by it? It hurts your head to try and think about. But at least you know when his birthday is. It’s still a few months away by all accounts, you may not even get to celebrate it with him. You still make a note of it in your phone.

Ralph soon emerges from the bathroom, and the sight causes your breath to catch in the back of your throat. He already had a certain cuteness about him, but as he rubs his hair dry with the towel, his damp natural curls stick out in all directions. Some facial hair and a neck chain or two, and he’d be exactly the kind of guy you’d let break your heart in a smoking area. He studies your face carefully as you’re staring at him. “Is there something wrong?”

“No!” you snap yourself out of your trance quickly. “No, not at all. Um, you can - you can take the bed. If you want. Get a good night’s sleep.”

Ralph gasps in horror, “I could never! I am simply a guest, I must insis-”

“And I must insist that you’ve literally travelled almost a hundred years to be here. Who knows when you’re gonna be here until, so… I don’t mind. I can sleep on the sofa for now, I promise,” you smile. “Just let me get in there real quick to get changed myself too, yeah?” Despite still standing in the bathroom doorway, and therefore not in the way of your bedroom, Ralph still steps aside and gestures towards it for you.

You change into a tank top and trousers combo, grab a blanket and some cushions out from your wardrobe, and head back into the living area. “Are you decent?” Ralph asks, his eyes squeezed.

You laugh, “Down, boy, I wasn’t exactly going to come out in my birthday suit, was I?! Yes, I am, you can look.”

He opens his eyes, takes one look at you, and yelps before covering his face with his hands. “You said you were decent!”

You look down at yourself, confused. Sure, the top is well-fitting, but you don’t think it’s indecent at all. You walk over to him and pull his wrists down. His eyes are once again shut tightly. “Ralph. It’s okay. I promise. Again, this is absolutely fine and modest in these times. Unless you want to stick out like a sore thumb, you’ll have to get used to it,” you shrug, letting go of him. He opens his eyes slowly and his breath shudders as he quickly jolts away.

“Okay, very well. I’ll try my hardest,” he nods, though he seems to be making the effort to keep his jaw up to maintain a high eyeline. “Are you sure you’ll be okay sleeping out here?”

You sigh, repeating once again, “Yes, Ralph, I’ll be fine. Go get some rest. You’ve had a big day.”

“Yes, very well. Erm,” he ducks his head down and to the side for a split second, as though to kiss your cheek, before stopping himself and once again raising his head high, his eyes wide and his ears pink. He clears his throat. “Thank you, again. Good night.”

“G’night, mate. Sleep well,” you pat his arm and start setting up the sofa for the night as he enters your bedroom and closes the door behind him.

You stick the TV on, not really caring what’s playing as it only really serves as background noise, and turn your lights off. The glows of the television screen and your phone screen illuminate the room as you search for any other evidence of time travel. Nothing that matched Ralph’s story comes up. You’re somewhere deep into a conspiracy theory about someone with a mobile phone being spotted at a Charlie Chaplin premiere when you finally drift off to sleep.

next chapter

[thevindicativevordan]

Do you have... Sigh... Do you have thoughts on Superman killing Zod in The Man of Steel and why Superman killing is a problem?

Actually I didn't have too much of a problem with that in Man of Steel believe it or not. At the time I thought Snyder's logic was dumb - Superman needs to kill in order to learn that killing is wrong? - but I thought that both the neck snap and Superman's lack of concern over the destruction of Metropolis were deliberate fuck-ups on Superman's part, and that the creators were cognizant of how both of those came across. Surely a sequel would be all about Superman grappling with the ramifications of both. Instead Snyder just moved the next movie's climatic fight to an unmanned area so he could blow shit up without the pesky nerds whining, and had Superman kill Zod again with nary a flicker of contemplation. That's when I accepted that Snyder just thinks superheroes killing is "badass" (something his rant about how stupid people who don't want Superman and Batman to kill are at Snydercon confirmed).

Now as for killing in general when it comes to Superman? I'm typically anti-lethal force when it comes to him... but I do recognize some gray areas.

Regardless of whether you like Doomsday or not, he's an iconic part of the Super-Mythos and it's a well-established fact that Supes goes for the killshot at the end of their fight. Against a genocidal opponent who can match him, where he truly does not have any other option, it's been canon for decades that Superman is prepared to use lethal force to end a threat. So it's something he has done in the past and most Superman fans don't regard Death of Superman as a massive mishandling of the character.

But here's the core problem with Superman killing: it's pointless. There's no real reason to do it other than to drag him through the mud. Ok so Superman kills a guy, there's only two real outcomes to that.

He agonizes over it and we get a storyline examining how he and others feel about it. That was the route Exile took, Superman had a mental breakdown over killing, and we got an entire omnibus worth of stories where he came to terms with it. Ultimately he accepted that it "had" to be done, but resolved to stick to his rule against killing going forward. So it was addressed and then Superman returned to his status quo.

He kills someone and decides to keep killing from then on. At this point he usually is going full blown evil as Batman and others with strict codes against killing are going to be obligated to stop him (Injustice), unless they too decide to abandon their moral codes (Justice Lords).

Reason those are the only two options is that otherwise Superman is probably going to be killing all of his Rogues at some point, given most of them are terrible people who don't shy away from escalating the stakes. Once he's done that - now that he's lost most of his cool enemies and the track record for making new cool Superman rogues is pretty dismal, considering the last one to really take off was Manchester Black - he has nobody noteworthy to fight and his sales are likely going to suffer until they bring all the cool Rogues back, defeating the entire purpose of killing them in the first place. Much as I hate to even bring him up here, we also have to take Batman into consideration. Nothing on Earth will ever compel DC to portray Batman in the wrong and anyone else in the right, so as long as Batman keeps his no-kill rule, any hero that crosses that line regularly is going to get a beatdown at Batman's hands. Doing otherwise just invites poking at the open wound question of "why doesn't Batman/someone just kill the Joker?" if DC allows another major A-Lister to employ lethal force at will.

But let's put aside the "real" reasons Superman doesn't kill, and ask ourselves a simple question: does it make sense for Superman to kill given who he is as a character? My answer is no. This comes back to Superman's defining trait, which isn't hope, but compassion. Superman cares about all life everywhere, even the most despicable villains.

He's not putting on a front, he really truly believes that there's a way to reach even the most despicable individuals with the right words, and he believes he can find them. Even knowing that for some cases that may not be true doesn't stop him from wanting to try. Killing his Rogues for Superman wouldn't just be a betrayal of his ideals, but an admission of defeat. Accepting that there's some bastards out there you just gotta kill would be him ceding the moral ground to Manchester Black, Magog, and all the other would be lethal successors who have tried to knock him off his pedestal. It's tantamount to Superman all but accepting the argument that he's an old fashioned relic who just doesn't work anymore, and what do you do with him once that's the case?

Besides people complain that Superman is overpowered and nothing can challenge him, having villains out there who resist his attempts to reform them is him getting challenged! That's Superman wrestling with a moral dilemma and paying a price for his ideals right there! Why would we want to get rid of that in exchange for him just smearing everything in his path? Give me Superman busting his chops to try to reach that lost cause everyone else has written off any day, I'm a sucker for stories like that.

[darkholme]

if you ever decide to make a house of m explanation post…… i would be v interested. Bc while I consider myself pretty well informed on 616, and 100% agree w your opinion about shutting people up abt house of m, I’d rely rly love to see what you have to say

i don't think i have anything really ground breaking to say about HoM since this event came out over 15 years ago - what it did to the x-men, what it did to the avengers, to pietro's character, to wanda's character, plus all of the ableism and misogyny there, etc, etc, have been extensively covered by others, and i would really just be regurgitating those talking points again. i also don't have a huge desire to reread HoM to dig for panels to back up what i'm talking about so i'm sorry this response ended up very text heavy.

the main point i was trying to get at is that HoM is not about wanda. it's using her and her reality warping powers as a vehicle to create a new status quo for the marvel universe going forward: a different avengers roster and a little less than 200 of the mutant population left. she isn't even in most of the series! it's wolverine who is the pov character for a majority of the issues. i've seen many people talk about HoM as if this is wanda's "big moment", when it absolutely is not. its the entire super hero population coming to murder her, and her family, that has been through so much heartbreak already, trying to do what they can to save her. wanda didn't rewrite reality "just because" which was another thing my post was about.

Big Event Comics will sell. big super hero fights will sell. character deaths will sell. it's similar to civil war in that regard, which came shortly after HoM, where it didn't have much to say about the questions it was bringing up, and kind of ends as more of a way to make bucky the new captain america for a few years, tony the new director of shield for even less, and for the spider-marriage to be dissolved. as of 2022, only the spider-marriage is still undone.

the consequences of the decimation have also now finally (FINALLY) been laid to rest with the new krakoa era's resurrection protocols for the mutants, and even wanda herself creating the waiting room at the end of trial of magneto with the help of legion and proteus. and before that, wanda with phoenix force powered hope summers restored the mutant population in AvX. and even before THAT, wanda alone began to restore the x-gene in mutants with her powers back in children's crusade. so its completely ludicrous to pretend like ToM was the first she had "made up" for the decimation.

and, honestly, no one really likes HoM! there are a number of good comics or runs for the x-men post-decimation, but i've never met someone who actually reads comics and says that they like HoM and most of what came after for the mutants. so its insane to me to see mcu stans who read (skimmed) a wikipedia page, and apparently even the people working for disney/marvel studios, completely misinterpret what this event is: a way to dwindle down the mutant population and create new stories from that. (never mind the legacy virus and the destruction of genosha that had very recently happened at that point, but whatever, marvel. whatever!)

house of m is not a story arc like dark phoenix or the winter soldier. house of m is an event comic. people not understanding the difference is the problem. one is more character driven and one is more sales driven. an event comic is to create a new status quo and is not always written with characters' integrity in mind. it is a way to get from point A to point B while using whatever characters writers/editorial need to get there even if it doesn't completely make sense or compromises their integrity (see both civil wars). a majority of the comics that follow up on or are even part of The Event Comic are trying to get back to that initial point A status quo. stan lee called this the illusion of change. it just took a little longer in this instance to get back to that initial larger mutant population.

there's some potential there for HoM to be more character driven, and to tie it back to prior issues (like wanda's strong reactions to carol danvers leaving the avengers in annual #10 and vol. 3 #7), but that's obviously not how things shook out. i will admit i think there are even a few good scenes in HoM, but unfortunately all of them get drowned out by both the aftermath of the decimation, and the later retcon of the twins not being mutants and not magneto's children.

and a television series or a movie using elements of HoM isn't inherently bad. if they tweaked a lot of things, it could actually be about wanda, her struggles, and her family and actually SAY SOMETHING about the character. but the mcu is an absolute nightmare place and the character in this massive movie/tv franchise is wanda maximoff in name only. i'm certain multiverse of madness will continue to drag her comic counterpart’s name through the mud. there is nothing new or powerful about a selfish white woman not learning anything after holding an entire town hostage and continuing to rip apart reality to get what she wants.

616 wanda is a character i love very dearly, so i feel strongly about what people say about her and how a character using her name will be portrayed in a big blockbuster movie that general audiences who don't read comics will see. 616 wanda is not a villain or a bad person. she isn't! she doesn't deserve all of the bad things that have happened to her. she is good, she is a hero, she has many people who love her both in universe and in the real world, and she does everything she can to make up for any hurt she has caused others. we can move on now, marvel studios.

[dilfstrapisanormalword]

so i think before i get started: my personal HCs reflect my belief that the cats in cats are...cats. they are domestic cats that live normal domestic lives, for the most part, and are not anthros, or catboys, or some hybrid. they are just...cats. throughout the majority of the 20th century, it was normal to "put the cat out" at night, and let cats roam free at night, expecting them to come back in the morning. this practice has recently waned significantly in popularity, for good reason, but it seems likely to me that the cats in cats were all privately owned pets who met up at night, as cats were frequently depicted doing. (think sylvester in looney toons or tom of tom and jerry.) neutering housecats became widely available in the 1930s, therefore, it is likely that a fair amount of the toms in "cats" have been neutered.

Old Deuteronomy is a purebred showcat, now long retired from being shown, who is the top tom at a cattery. He has not been neutered and has been actively bred for years. He is likely close to siring his last litter, but no one knows when that day will be, as long as he is still healthy.

Rum Tum Tugger is a recent son of Deuteronomy, also a purebred showcat who is actively being bred. He is prissy and spoiled in his home life, but due to his not being neutered, he gets himself into trouble and yowls and awful racket.

Munkustrap is from the same litter, and has been neutered, due to his sale to a private owner. The owner that bought him had to sign a non-breeding agreement upon the purchase of the cat, and therefore he was neutered. He considers it is civic duty and has many adopted children within the clan.

Macavity is not neutered and his owners have flagrantly broken their non-breeding agreement, resulting in legal battles between catteries. Macavity lords this over Munkustrap, but Munkustrap is unbothered. Usually.

Gus is not neutered, and has had a few kittens in his day. In his prime, he had three queens deliver litters of his within weeks of each other, but, that was long, long ago.

Asparagus is neutered, but only after the family next door's cat already surprised everyone with a litter of three kittens. He was quite proud of himself, until they yoinked him up and made sure he couldn't go out and get himself into trouble again.

Tumblebrutus and Pouncival are not too young to be neutered, but their family is waiting for it to become a problem. They have learned NOTHING from Asparagus.

Plato is the first male kitten from Macavity at his cattery. He will be bred when he is old enough, and is not being neutered. He has no idea what is going on. Ever. His pedigree may be called into question by the legal status of the non-breeding agreement and may be barred from shows, but unscrupulous people do not mind a bit of muck in their pedigree.

George is neutered and has been since he was eight weeks old. He's never known life with a ball, but it's okay, because he's never seen a braincell, either.

Coricopat is neutered and happier for it. He is not interested in mating and is content to live on the outside of the possibility.

Skimbleshanks is neutered but is the adoptive father of countless kittens, many of whom are now grown and out in the world. He was about two years old when he was neutered, and it dramatically improved his behavior. He no longer marked territory or made horrible noises on the train.

Mungojerrie isn't neutered, because his family believes since he is likely unable to breed due to being a rare male calico, he shouldn't need to be neutered. They fail to realise that this is likely a large part of his absolutely wild dipshit criminal behavior. Should they ever get him neutered, he would be a fat and mellow gentleman.

Bustopher Jones Isn't Neutered And You Can See His Balls All The Time And I Hate It. no pedigree, but this asshole has so many kittens you couldn't possibly count them all. He is the bane of the RSPCA.

Alonzo has about two weeks until he's getting neutered, but he doesn't know it yet. Enjoy it while it lasts, buddy.

[chiveburger]

It sounds awful but with Hui and Jinho being in the army rn is making me enjoy the do or not stages a bit more cause we can hear everyone, this isn't saying I hate Hui and Jinho cause they are phenomenal and they have served enough already, but it can be overwhelming having those two plus wooseok and kino every now and again. Being able to sing high like them is impressive but members like Shinwon who have deep voice especially when singing, and rich tones, it is so difficult to sing like that! People don't realise that because you can't sing like Hui and Jinho it doesn't mean you are a bad vocalist cause I am figuring out what to do to get Yeo One a rock song cause he has a grit and tension in his voice that suits that style so well! And with your post about Yuto, he is so left out and not purposefully because C*be only ever push their popular members to the front. I also feel like Yuto is one of the only members who writes songs taking into consideration everyone's skills

Sorry for the rant but this isn't me saying I don't like pentagon just that I would die for them and take everyone else with me

no this totally makes sense, and sometime I feel the same. I love hui like a pig loves slop, and I consider his vocals are one of the best ones in kpop. I love to hear him sing and jinho as well, and I think the team relies on their sound together to bring pentagon’s performances to unreachable levels. however, I also think there’s a lot more potential in the other members that the company or pentagon themselves are not tapping into. I know for a fact that a majority of the members contribute to writing and composing music, but a lot of that doesn’t make it onto the album. I really don’t know whether they’re milking the fact that hui has written widely popular songs and they try to keep that going OR the members are just more comfortable with his song taking the lead out of habit. having their two main vocalists away is hard for them, but I also hope it lets them (and everyone) see that they’re all equally talented and have the skills to be in the spotlight. 7/9 members in pentagon have written their own music, so I think it’s really only fair to allow more variety and styles from different members into their tracks. even though pentagon’s fanbase is still small, they’ve amassed enough fans globally to see quality and growing sale numbers for them to experiment and let other members steer for a little while... If anything, cube should capitalize on the fact that more than 70% of this sweet little kpop group takes part in writing, composing and producing songs like how is that not a selling point? yuto literally birthed seasons come awwwwwnnnnnnnn

[chaosstar290]

Reasons try out Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore.

Nintendo's been pretty casual with porting Wii U games over to the Switch, and for good reasons. Normally, I'm not all into porting games that I've already played, but my personal favorite games on the system that lack good marketing and advertising are now getting the attention and love they deserve.

Take Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze for example, one of my favorite 2D platfomers. The game originally sold 1.72 million copies worldwide on the Wii U. Not very good numbers, huh? However, the Switch port managed to beat those sales numbers with 2.25 million units sold worldwide by the end of March 2019.

So while this could be seen as a way for Big N to earn more $$$, this is also a way for those who never owned a Wii U and missed out on some of the system's best titles to give these games a shot. Now we just need a port of Xenoblade Chronicles X and The Wonderful 101...and Star Fox Zero, I guess.

But that's a topic for another time. This post is specifically for my favorite JRPG on the Wii U only to be tied with Xenoblade Chronicles X....Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE.

This'll be a long one, so here's hoping you'll stick with it until the end.

Development

Before I get into the reasons, lemme educate you guys a bit. Back in January 2013, both Atlus and Intelligent Systems made a teaser trailer for a potential Shin Megami Tensei x Fire Emblem crossover for the Wii U.

The trailer was mostly just a slideshow with various character artwork. Despite this, there was a decent amount of hype surrounding it. But development around the game was pretty silent. That is, until we fast forward to the Nintendo Direct in April 1, 2015. We got a trailer of the ambitious SMT x FE crossover that fans were waiting for...but this was the final product.

Needless to say...neither SMT nor FE fans were happy about this. The fandoms were incredibly salty and foaming at the mouths, basically calling it a Person 4 Lite with a hint of FE. Heck, they're probably still posts on this site from 5 years ago that'll show that.

Fast forward to the games initial release, and you'll see quite a few positive reviews and thoughts about TMS. Unfortunately, the sale numbers were not all that great for the game. Obvious reasons being that it was a Wii U game, and many fans of both SMT x FE were not happy with how it turned out.

And to be honest, I wasn't feeling the game myself at first. It seemed too lighthearted and upbeat, and the J-Pop, anime-ish aesthetics were very off-putting. However, the more I saw about the game, the more I was drawn into it. Somehow all that disappointment I had about TMS originally just washed away. And considering it was a new IP, I decided to give it a chance. And hoo boy...I was generally pleased.

With that outta the way, let's get into why I'm excited for the Switch port of game, and hoping people will give it a fairer chance.

The Setting

The plot of Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE is mostly simple. You start out as high schooler Itsuki Aoi, the main character of the game encountering his childhood friend Tsubasa Oribe at an audition event to become a idol. It isn't until moments later in the game that the area gets overruned by shadowy creatures known as Mirages that suck out the creative energy known as Perso-- ah I mean Performa from the other idols and audience.

Poor girl doesn't know what's gonna happen next.

Despite our main characters seeming unharmed by the effect, the Mirages drag Tsubasa into their world known as the Idolsphere. And of course, courageous Itsuki takes action to follow and rescue her.

After trying to make a daring rescue, Itsuki gets bombarded by a Mirage, but somehow manages to awaken it. Taking the form of Fire Emblem Awakening's protagonist Chrom. Itsuki does the same with the Mirage that captured Tsubasa that takes the form of Cedea from Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon. The two awakaned Mirages, however, suffer from a bit of amnesia and can't quite remember who and what they are.

From there on, Itsuki and Tsubasa form a partnership with Chrom and Cedea, encountering various characters trying to reach their way to stardom while trying to draw back the opposing forces from taking over Tokyo and the world. Typical RPG stuff, am I right?

It's a fairly standard and slightly cliche plot with some common anime tropes, but for this game...it works. It's a plot that's incredibly silly, upbeat, and over-the-top, but again...it works for this game. And I love it. It may not be original, deep, or complex, but the story does its best to not take itself too seriously, and it doesn't fail to keep a smile in my face.

Aside from the vanilla cookie-cutter MC Itsuki, the various casts that you meet are incredibly charming, and go through their own personal growth as celebrities. Though you mileage may vary on this.

The Gameplay

The combat is the real star of Tokyo Mirage Sessions. Basically, it's your standard turn-based combat system...but with a few twists. If you've ever played a SMT or Persona game, then don't be surprised that elemental weaknesses make an appearance here. Along with that, the Triangle Weapon system from Fire Emblem also makes an appearance in the game.

But if you're not familiar with either franchise then give you a basic example how this works. Say that you've encountered an armored Mirage wielding an axe. The weaknesses on that enemy are both lightning and swords, and Itsuki just so happens to have both the necessary element and weapon equipped.

In case you're wondering...how the Triangle Weapon mechanic works in FE is that Swords beat Axes, Axes beat Lances, and Lances beat Swords.

The interesting thing about this is that once you exploit an enemy's weakness, other characters will jump in and combo extra attacks. These are called Sessions, and their not only powerful...but also flashy as all hell and it's glorious. Not only that, but there's also Duo Arts where two certain characters will sometimes perform a song that unleashes a powerful attack...which also strings up more Sessions. As broken as this sounds, it actually is pretty strategic for taking down harder enemies, and they can also form Sessions...so be careful.

There's more to the gameplay like roaming Tokyo, exploring dungeons, and upgrading your characters and Mirages by Tiki from Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon as well.

There's mixed opinions on the dungeon aspects of Tokyo Mirage Sessions, but...I personally enjoyed them. Aside from the first one. Once you get past the first dungeon, they get better as the game progresses. From exploring a darker version of Shibuya where you have to avoid giant cameras from sending you back to the entrance of the of the room you currently entered, to venturing through a maze-like TV studio.

There's also side-missions that you can do with your main cast that'll help them grow and develop even further. You'll be rewarded with either a special cutscene or a special attack. Or maybe both.

The Visuals

Go go...Persona Rangers?

If it wasn't obvious from the amount of images I'm posting, Tokyo Mirage Sessions is a very colorful game. Fitting with it's lighthearted theme, the amount of colors the game throws at you makes visuals aesthetically pleasing. Heck, you could make these your personal wallpaper on your phone or something.

Sure, Tokyo Mirage Sessions isn't nearly as strong as Persona 5 graphically or even artistically, but like most Nintendo games...what their games lack in terms of detailed ultra-hyper graphics, they make up for it with giving their games gorgeous artstyles.

Also, this game has some reeeeeally good artwork.

The Music

J-Pop plays a pretty big role in Tokyo Mirage Sessions, so expect a lot of vocal tracks. If you're not into this kind of genre of music, then you might wanna stray away from this game. If you are (or if it doesn't bother you), then you're in for a treat. As someone who really isn't into J-Pop myself, the songs in this game are incredible and catchy followed by some beautiful cutscenes. Reincarnation from Kiria Kurono and Feel from Tsubasa Oribe are some of my personal favorites.

The music from outside the vocal tracks are pretty good too. The normal battle theme and the Illusion Shibuya dungeon theme are just to name a couple.

What's New?

Like I said before, Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore is a port of the Wii U version, but with added content. Any DLC that was added in the original game will part of the base game in the Switch version. But let's talk about the new stuff.

EX Story and Songs

The EX Story is basically a dungeon that you explore in short bursts. Here you'll find new costumes such as a Joker outfit from Persona 5 for Itsuki, or an Annette outfit from Fire Emblem Three Houses for Mamori Minamoto. Or you can have a much easier time grinding for EXP. Also, much like the side-stories, this dungeon will also explore the main casts' issues and help them grow.

New songs will also be added in this port. A duo song called "She is..." sung by Tsubasa and Kiria is one of them.

Sessions

By making Sessions even more powerful and ridiculous, unplayable characters like Tiki, Maiko Shimazaki, and Barry Goodman will also join in Sessions.

In addition, a Quick Session option will be added. Which is a major upgrade in my book. One of the big issues the Wii U version had was while the Sessions were fun to watch, they took forever to get through with the more characters that joined your party. There are also smaller improvements like the Switch version having faster loading times.

Conclusion

Hopefully, this long as hell post will spark some interest into those who'll give the game a shot. I know there's small nitpicks like the lack of English voice acting and censorship, but the latter is a topic I'd rather not delve deep into.

Regardless, these small cons are greatly outweighed by the large pros this charming game has. If you're an Atlus fan, a lover of JRPGs, or wanting to play something that'll ease the wait for Persona 5 Royal, I highly recommend you give Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE encore a shot.

If you're also waiting for Persona 5 to actually come to the Switch like me, this game is next best thing we've got for the time being.

This is one of the most stylish menu screens ever.

[anderwhohn]

anonymous asked: Besides Mass Effect and Dragon Age, what other games do you play?

Oh man, where do I even begin? Considering I own over 400 games on Steam alone (mostly thanks to Humble Bundle, sales, free forever giveaways, and a lot of patience), as well as others through the various other launchers, it's safe to say I enjoy a massive variety of games in general.

Some of my most played and favourite games beyond Mass Effect and Dragon Age are Skyrim, Cities: Skylines, Don't Starve, Planet Coaster, Slime Rancher, Two Point Hospital, Plague Inc. Evolved, Darkest Dungeon, Civilization V, Game Dev Tycoon, Portal & Portal 2, House Flipper, Okami, Kerbal Space Program, Stardew Valley, The Sims 4, Prison Architect, PC Building Simulator, The Stanley Parable, and Universe Sandbox.

And that's only barely scratching the surface, since a lot of those are where I've replayed them repeatedly beyond a single playthrough.

I love choice-based video games, where the story outcomes varies depending on your dialogue and chosen actions. I also love city builders and such, though I will admit that I usually play in sandbox mode and/or use cheats for infinite money simply because I can't be bothered with the career mode struggles.

Games with snarky, compelling villains are right up my alley (think GLaDOS from the Portal series), as are games with unexpected twist elements that you would never think would be in the game and yet there it is (fucking Stardew Valley... Farming simulator with weird ass shit going on).

I also enjoy the hell out of numerous horror games, but not the ones where it's simply jump scares (ie youtube bait, at this point). I love psychological thrillers, eldritch horrors, and the like, but I definitely have to be in the mood for them and have the energy to usually finish them in a single sitting because those kinds of games are harder to get into the right brainspace if I'm stopping and not playing it for several days before picking it up again.

I've played a few dating simulators and visual novels (Roommates and Long Live The Queen are the two I've played the most of, respectively). I enjoy releasing the dinosaurs on unsuspecting guests in Jurassic World: Evolution, since the chaos is entertaining, and the game otherwise hits that city builder vibe I enjoy. I've also played Fallout 3, New Vegas, and part of Fallout 4, though I haven't finished it yet between pc issues I had at the time and then mod issues I had once I fixed my computer.

I also enjoy weird little games like World of Goo, Little Inferno, and Human Resource Machine, as well as puzzle games like KAMI, Mini Metro, and various Popcap games like Bejeweled, Peggle Nights, and Plants vs Zombies.

Some of my very old school favourites are the classic Sonic The Hedgehog games (the ones for the Master System, Genesis, and Saturn, specifically), with Sonic 2 being my absolute favourite, especially when 'locked in' with the Knuckles cartridge (consoles were wild back then), though I always spent nearly the max level time in the Casino Zone simply because that was my favourite zone to simply play in, while I'd rush through the others, usually at breakneck speeds since I'd played so often I could finish most levels in under a minute.

Beyond that? I pretty much play whatever catches my eye. I've played some weird af games (and not all of them indie titles) as well as the standard big stuff from major devs that nearly everyone's heard of. The only things I don't really play is stuff like Call of Duty (though I think I do own part of the series, because it was a thing for Gary's Mod, iirc), since that kind of gameplay doesn't interest me and I'm not a big fan of most online games either (the only MMO I ever really played was Elder Scrolls Online, and I did most of the Aldmeri Dominion quest solo, with the exception of stuff where you had to find a group for a particular mission, but now my internet is such shit where I currently live that online gaming isn't even an option).

These days, I pretty much play exclusively on pc since I don't own a tv and/or any consoles any more, and I rarely play any mobile games unless severe weather's forced me to unplug my computer or I'm stuck away from home for an extended period of time. Besides that, I prefer pc gaming anyway because I enjoy playing with mods (even if I don't always enjoy setting up those mods, and then having to update those mods), mostly for community patches, accessibility fixes, and additional gameplay content.

So, yeah... I play a wide variety of games, and do so pretty frequently, though lately I've mostly been cycling through Mass Effect Legendary Edition with different Shepards (or even an AU version of a familiar Shep in once case, as I'm replaying Izzy to determine how things turn out exactly under her Compact AU) as well as Mass Effect: Andromeda.

Which the latter just really makes me want to give Shepard jump jets, because come on, imagine the chaos that is already Izzy, but with jump jets!! Sara is almost as chaotic, and she has them, so Izzy should have them too (and yes, I'm totally willing to say 'fuck it' and give her the tech in rp, especially given what the codex has to say about N7 training and such, since it does mention various skills that just aren't available through gameplay, just like how I toss whatever powers are needed whenever in the timelines, since Flare doesn't become available until ME3, but she can pull it off in ME1 rp, just not without some backlash then due to her L3 amp - it's not until she gets the Cerberus upgrades that she really starts using it combat, otherwise it's more of an instinctual self-defence thing).

Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough as it is, especially since it's nearly 4am and I need to go take my meds. Thanks for asking (and for reading the ramble, if you made it this far)! 🥰

[babaleshy]

Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!

[mylincolncole-blog]

BooksButterfly: Indie Author Review - An Out of Touch Promoter that Isn't Worth Your Time

Introduction

This was a website that I actually had decent luck with in the past, and when I started writing this blog post about their services I originally thought I would be giving them a good review. Unfortunately, I've also been in contact with a number of authors who had less than stellar things to say about the company, and at a certain point I realized that they weren't going to hold up with a good review.

They offer a service that is similar to a lot of other email marketing services, only they do a couple of things that other companies don't: for one thing, they offer a 'guarantee' for the number of sales you will receive. For another, they offer a steep discount against the cost for major publishing companies for indies.

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Both of those sound great, but in reality they end up being little more than window dressing, and in most cases you'll find out that you wasted your money on a promotion that returned little in the way of finding new readers.

Requirements

There are almost no requirements with this company, which means that if you submit a book to them to promote, they will send it out to their network. This is a red flag against them, because in general readers don't want to receive a deluge of subpar books or they will gradually stop buying them, and that's exactly what happened.

Basically, they have a lot of people they reach (though they use some fancy fast-talk to justify their numbers) that they will show your book to, but in general very few of those people will click on a book, let alone a paid book. They also have hundreds of testimonials on their site from happy authors, but many of those feel like form testimonials and don't really inspire confidence.

Cost

They are crazy expensive when you really get down to it, and even with their 'guarantee' of sales, they still cost a lot more than other companies and don't even promise you'll make your money back. To get 100 guaranteed sales you'll have to shell out almost two-dollars in the ad for one sale, which is a lot. Their free numbers are better, and if you do plan on using this site I would highly recommend not using a paid title.

They are the only company I know of that guarantees sales, but the caveats to this are enormous and make it clear that this is just something for them to promote and not a really benefit. For example, every author knows that the key to running a strong promotion is to stack promotions and work with a number of companies simultaneously, but the moment you go this route you void the guarantee. After all, how can they verify results when you are mucking up the data? Also, if your book was ever free, it voids the guarantee.

Further, they also offer a 60% discount for indie authors against the traditional five publishers in the cost of running the ads. Great, right? Except, when you think about it, the odds of a traditional publisher using an indie company like this to promote a book are slim to none. They could say they offer a 1,000,000% discount for indie authors and it would amount to the same thing: just more marketing on their end to sell their service.

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My Experiences / Other Authors

I promoted Raven's Peak with this service in 2016 when it was up for a Kindle Scout campaign, which meant I didn't really run it like one of their normal promotions. I also stacked it along with other promotions because I wasn't too concerned with the sales or the guarantee. Even at the beginning, I knew it was just flowery talk.

I even managed to get a few hundred clicks out of it (which sounds good, until you consider that the promotion was $100 dollars) and since the product was free I'm sure a lot of people nominated the book.

So, I was pleased with the service. However, when I decided to try and use it for a 99 cent book sale promotion, I researched it and asked some friends about it.

All I heard were horror stories.

One friend of mine, who literally just ended her promotion through this service today, reported that they managed to get one sale for her and about five hundred pages read through Kindle Unlimited. Another author who tried to run a promotion reported that when he contacted the company about a refund, they just attacked his book and said it was low quality which was why it didn't do better.

If it was low quality, why did they promote it at all?

I didn't really have a bad experience with this company, but I cannot recommend it to other authors because of the way they treat people and their poor results. A free book might perform adequately, but again it would be a lot of money to spend to get decent results. All in all, I have to recommend that Indie Authors steer clear of this company and find somewhere else to promote their books.

My rating

This one is definitely a 2-Star company, though as I said earlier I didn't really anticipate giving it this low of a rating until I spent some time researching it. If you look over the internet you will find countless horror stories about the company and very few positives. 

Submit at your own risk!

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