#if i did much more id probably hate it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

puppyeared · 1 year ago

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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

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silverislander · 4 days ago

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been trying to put my final thoughts into a post since yesterday and i really am not sure if i can lmfao

did i enjoy it? yes. did i also think s2 should have been split into at least 2 seasons? was i disappointed certain themes and scenes felt like their importance were dropped entirely? also yes. am i sticking around/is this going to permanently get stuck in my brain? absolutely

#like. ough.#there were a lot of parts i really enjoyed but it did also feel. messy in ways s1 never did #the pacing really never improved which saddens me bc that could have easily been fixed if theyd just had another season?#and i know thats also largely a result of SIGNIFICANTLY more time in development for s1 but idk!#s2 just had a Lot of shit going on and being added all at once. probably just too much to keep up with #i think part of it is also. s1 was easily a 10/10 #s2 is still at least a 7 for me but its always hard to live up to smth that good #levi.txt #arcane s2 spoilers #not really but i want to be sure im not spoiling anyones experience of it #like i really and truly am conflicted. i can say i def dont Hate it. im gonna need a rewatch to really gather my thoughts i think #there were parts i LOVED and parts i was pretty disappointed with #and at some point id love to sit down and rewatch s1 + 2 together to get a better feel for their differences bc idk what to make of that #at the end of the day i still love this show. and no matter what opinions i have regarding s2 nobody can take s1 away from me lol

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carcarrot · 6 months ago

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do i really want to make individual drinks again

#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe #in preparation for the possibility of this new job #it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly #but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much #not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers #godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao #but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less #but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that #like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know #a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice #i dont knowwwwwww #like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks #which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here #and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff #its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options #so thats good. less to worry about #doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe #here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it #the hours are like. the same i work now. also good #sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him #but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway #i just gotta see if i get good vibes #rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me #oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore #lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt

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florida3exclamationpoints · 26 days ago

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#my mom hasnt decided about driving to Toronto #i told her i need an answer #ideally now. but i feel bad bugging her #she thinks i should wait and see if prices go down #and she thinks i shouldn't spend so much money on a concert ticket #and i agree. i dont want to. i think its insane that they resell them for so much.#but its my money. and i get to decide what this concert is worth #i was telling her the prices are going up and i dont want them to turn impossible.#and she kept asking how much are they how much are they how much are they #i didn't wanna tell her bc i knew shed judge me but i did. and she did #i almost feel like she thinks she'll be doing me a favor by not helping me get there bc i wont spend the money #but she really really wouldnt be #i was hoping i could buy one for tomorrow and just go by myself and not make it her issue #but theyre more than im willing to pay for crappy seats #and she said i dont want you to go at any cost and like!!!! im not!!!!!#i hate myself for stooping low enough to accept resale prices but im not spending all of my money #and i have standards for prices for where the seats are #i made the decision to sell my vienna ticket before the shows were canceled bc i knew it was thr responsibile thing to do!!!!!#i will not drive 12 hours to toronto by myself!!!!!!#im doing it at more cost than i would like but not any cost. and id also like to not be judged for it #and also. its so important to me. and if i explain how important it is. id probably get judged for that too #idk man. she said she's gonna look some now at Toronto traveling expenses #she didn't say she would have an answer by tonight #you would think if she doesn't want me to spend a crazy amount of money she would have some urgency about answering me #ig she just doesnt wanna tell me no.#idk. idk. idk. maybe i will figure out some way to go to Toronto by myself if she says no #maybe ill buy an even more ridiculously priced ticket for tomorrow #idk. ahahhahahajahahahahah

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skelemoonz · 4 months ago

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I gotta know ur thoughts on what sorta fights Dinobot and Terrorsaur would get into. I just know they wouldn't be able to stand each other and idk how Dinobot lasted more than a second with any of the Predacons without snapping his crank, but particularly goddamn Terrorsaur.

Thank you my savior *sobs

Oh I feel like Dinobot on multiple occasion, for the short time he knew/interacted with him, had almost let the demons win and choke Terrorsaur out.

And the same can probably be said for Terrorsaur tbh, Dinobots honor annoyed the shit out of him on top of a multitude of other things.

They would definitely get into general fights about fighting ability an so on. Obviously, it’s Dinobot, he spars, and Terrorsaur has a short temper and urge to prove he’s better in some way I’d assume

But also I feel like Terrorsaur just starts fights for no reason all the time, and over the stupidest things too. He’s bored and stuck on some random planet with nothing to do, like..this is NOT what he thought this would be, so might as well get his frustration out and argue. And it shows, they make no sense a lot of the time

Like yeah before it sometimes may have been a genuine fight with Dinobot over Terrorsaurs Insubordination and just general annoyingness, which may still get brought up when they fight against each other of the “field of battle” (I saw were you were aiming that one time dinobot)

But then the next moment Terrorsaur starts something so incredibly stupid like why did their ship have to look like that, or why isn’t he second in command huh!? He would be faar better than Dinobot at it (then eventually Scorponok), my mind is not letting me think of anything- so on

Then ofc there’s the occasional shitting on Megatron later on which would quickly turn into him rambling on about how he’d lead far better than him (he would fall for the Maximals saying “hey here’s a gift, truce” and then the gift is just blasting a second later, trojan horse style)

Really though, the worst thing to Dinobot is the fact that Terrorsaur just wont shut up.

That was probably something Dinobot nearly shed a tear about when he joined the Maximals, the quiet. Yeah the Maximals talk, they argue, and Rattrap is one hell of a yapper, but even he has NOTHING on Terrorsaur’s innate ability to not shut up

#ask #is this accurate? probably not #for some reason i know everything about my favs until someone asks me about them #we will just say this is how they are in my au yeahhh..yes..uh huh #nervously smiles #beast wars #that last part is saying a lot btw #id imagine they didnt know each other for that long #like they basically met on cybertron close to when they were about to steal the golden disc #terrorsaur is just that bad #did i go off track and not really answer well? probably #adding more #Dinobot i feel hates him so much to the point where his presence alone is enough to piss him off #similar to that of rattrap #rattrap is the closest maximal to being anything like Terrorsaur but ofc Terrorsaur is worse #terrorsaur could be standing in the other room and dinobot would sense that shit and be pissed off

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nomairuins · 4 months ago

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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing #but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day #while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes #and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her #but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work #and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to #but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat #what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me #and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even #b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it #i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified #theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying #but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly #idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me #me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in #that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i #saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage #for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god #idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week #and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice #i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel #hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in #touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment #a2t #i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it #graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol

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gu6chan · 6 months ago

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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????

#gu6chan's musings #am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any #when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like #its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it #again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like #all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling #and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person #but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST #wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that #anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think #id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find #something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms #like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it #were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like #'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like #my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent #money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me #signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't #reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont #understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was #inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to #'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....

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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years ago

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i think that whole "never felt safe growing up and most of my life" thing did real damage to my psyche lmao

#......... whole damn childhood of not feeling safe. i think... the one place i can even think of where i was truly comfortable was my aunts #house. and id see her rarely and not get to stay w her that often/long...#.... apart from that?.... just constant fucking fear and wanting to escape and be left alone #... when i got older like middle high college id feel somewhat safe at friends houses. but i always dreaded having to go home #when i lived at college was... the first time i actually lived somewhere where i felt kinda safe and at home. but my parents made sure to #remind me that it wasnt my actual home lmaoo and that they could take it away at any moment #just like how after we moved from romania i had to hear all the time. while i was stuck in a foreign country as a kid. that my room isnt my #own nothing is my own i owe them everything privacy wasnt allowed etc etc #...... after college i lived w my partner in the ghetto. like shots outside 7+ times a day sorta ghetto. i literally felt safer and more #comfortable and vibing and chill than i did at home with my parents?? lmaoo jfc i actually miss it #apart from that... probably the second time i was in the psych ward lol #and after i come back from romania its gonna be months again of having to stay alone w my stepfather whose like. weirdly sexually attracted #to me and loud and agressive and it just. triggers me so fucking much. god. i hate all this. i hate all this #twenty two fucking years of knowing little else than fucking fear and loneliness. i just. want. to feel safe.#for fucking once #so often i just wanna curl up in a borrow and never come out. thats all i want. im so tired. im so tired of this

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be #like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now #maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy #im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when #im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck #but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak #thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just #wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive #been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work #my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes #and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over #the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and #talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it #so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree #inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im #glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of #couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot #unrelated #its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment #and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i #dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it

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bishonenspit · 10 months ago

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posting your artwork publically can be so rewarding and so motivating but most of the time it just results in psychological turmoil inflicted on yourself

#like oh my god girl help #im so sad and over my confidence to do with my art being paper thin and fragile but nothing changes no matter how much i like a piece #i hate the idea that artists only draw for interaction bc i definitely do not do that id have to be stupid to with the stuff i draw #but i also hate the idea that artists shouldn't want interaction on their work? like it's a very human emotion to want your work to be seen?#i just wish people liked my stuff more truly. im aware my style is specific and to a particular taste and ik that my work isn't the like #high flawless standard of most traditional art that gets posted. like ik that and like god i wish i had that skill level but i don't!!#i like what i do tho i just wish it felt like a lot of other people did idk maybe that's vain or something. I don't know!!#i wish i did digital art but i hate working digital lol #ppl don't believe me when i say that digital art is preferred over traditional online but i rlly believe it's true #and if your traditional art does well it's at the level of digital art flawlessness #im simultaneously like im too young to be crazy good like other people online but also im too old to be on the path to getting good. yk #i blame it on a small fandom sometimes but that's unfair bc art within small fandoms still does really well #idk i think im just a flop probably but also i think im insecure. schrodinger's online artist crisis #anyways sorry ignore this im just running my mouth don't pity reblog my shit or anything i don't want that #idk what i want but it's not that lmao #i think i want to be better at art and i want people to like my art. which i have like minimal control over.#being an artist is fun until the turmoil sets in

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rubys-domain · 1 year ago

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... I said I wanted this blog to be positive. but how's that gonna happen when I'm depressed as hell

#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !!#tw alcohol mention #I was inebriated for most of the day yesterday so I didn't feel it as much #(and just to be clear，I'm not an alcoholic. at least not right now. I won't deny the possibility of becoming one down the line though)#(I only drank as much as I did because I was way too stuck in my own head to do my work and desperately needed to turn my mind off)#(and it worked so sue me if you want but at least there were results)#now that the numbness is wearing off though...#I'll be honest. I binged the rest of the oshi no ko anime today. and it probably made things worse #I guess I should tag this now huh #oshi no ko spoilers #akane's sui attempt took me to a very dark place. dark but all too familiar.#welp. more tw tags for the blog I guess. fuck me for wanting this place to be positive.#tw sui attempt #tw sui ideation #I used to hang out on the roof all the time in high school. Jumping off the six storey building crossed my mind more times than I can count #or walking into traffic #or drowning myself in my bathroom #the one time I did get hit by a vehicle was completely unintentional. but I hate myself for hyperventilating out of fear when that happened.#/sigh/ this is a terrible post. not that I ever make anything good.

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motherforthefamicom · 1 year ago

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new 2d sonic games coming out this fall apperently ?

#not sure how to feel abt it just watched the trailer. im a modern 'classic sonic' hater sorry.#it just doesnt quite capture what i enjoy abt the og games as well as stuff like advance and rush does (well those more take that and build #it up into its own thing (rush especially) but whatever. it still carries on some general things i enjoy about classic sonic design and #all the more recent stuff ive played has not really been my thing. idk what physics engine theyre using but if its the retro engine i will #probably not like it that shit messes with my muscle memory so bad im sorry. i dont like it i wish i did #also the general visual design/art direction just isnt my thing! im not into that kinda stuff ive always disliked it to an extent #ESPECIALLY in 2d it feels very visually overwhelming but that is probably just a me thing.#also idk if the sound design in the trailer reflects what the game is going to sound like but.did not like it . again a personal preference #so i guess im leaning kinda negative overall MAN i hate that . why am i like this lol sorry #i love sonic games i really do but i just Do Not care for the Big Stuff theyve been doing lately it isntreally my thing #the older stuff just plays to my tastes better u_u #also another thing classic sonic gameplay w 3d models has always felt so ? stilted?#rush doesnt count its its own beast. stilted is probbaly The last thing id use to describe its presentation LMAO #but like. all the sonic generations onwards stuff just feels Weird to look at theres no realkick to it. hell i feel like this abt a few #other 2.5d games that are. 2.5d in the visual sense.it just doesnt click right in a lot of cases #so what im syaing is . 3d bad 2d good /JOKE #the multiplayer seems interesting wonder how thats gonna be handled. also im guessing amy plays how she does in origins here #not sure how she plays there but i m glad to actually see her playable in more stuff! i hope her playstyle is similar to her advance 1 #gameplay i love that shit so much geneuinely. its a lot of fun to mess around w #i wanna say im sure the game will be fine but also..... its sonic......... theyre always gonna figure out some way to fuck shit up #<- i say that somewhat lovingly but also it is pretty frustrating since most of it does stem from management issues and time crunch. sigh #okay im just rambling abt sonic nonsense now sorry. i try not to get too invested in everything anymore it was really draining when i was #actively trying to keep up w everything but sometimes smthn comes upand my brain goes back into Sonic Mode /silly #inquisitivewaltz.txt #oh god these tags are so long. im so sorry hgfdhsjgfdhs

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juniestar · 1 year ago

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My psych says I don’t like my mom or my ex because they make me vulnerable but I think it’s because they are/were both serial boundary violators. Well serial boundary violators sounds serious but I mean they are just good kind people who would not leave me alone when i ask(ed)

#i mean so am i so i dont exactly blame them but like. my mom doesnt knock used to hold me down and epilate my body doesnt take no for an #answer ever on anything unless youre MEAN to her and i dont mean anything serious i mean she asked me to go to the store with her to pick #out paint for her walls i said no she asked again i said no she asked again i said no so she went on her own and facetimed me so id help her #pick. my ex had a similar thing where if i was like hey lets not talk tomorrow im burnt out hed be like okay and then the next day early #morning he’d send a good morning text and then several more throughout the day and then we’d call at the end of the night #people do who not let you fucking breathe. i hate it. if i saw my mom less often id probably like her but her so much as sitting next to me #on the couch will have me tense and pissed. she also takes glee in hating things i like and its not a conscious or serious thing but its #really weird. ive done the same for her since i was little i dont know who did it first. like ok we’re moving our new place had wallpaper in #my room i wanted to keep it she wanted to remove it she agreed to keep it and then made plans to remove it bc she was going to get rid of it #at some point later on anyway for the house’s value or something. they removed it recently and she showed me a vid of the place and when she #gets to my room shes like hehehe its goneee like girl what the fuck is going on with you. she wouldnt let me change the decoration of my #room as a child it had to be the way she liked it. even my body had to be the way she liked it dude the epilation thing shed laugh as i #cried (in a shirt and underwear man) bc i was finally hairless. my ex was nowhere near that bad but again ZERO breathing room and whenever #id try to take some hed be like ‘’i just worry that if you take this space you’ll come back and break up with me’’ uh. yeah with that #attitude the breakup’s coming either way. he’s a good guy though just 24 and a man (both sad afflictions) he’ll shape up. or not. idk im no #t invested #he did listen to a lot of what i said just not the basic things of ‘’leave me the fuck alone sometimes’m #im annoyed that my therapist framed this as a me issue but shes right when it comes to me having trouble w vulnerability and i should just #clarify my pov here so she can change her assessment #my ex leaves me alone now. he does a great job at it i thiiink hes moved on which im happy about #i dont know if id ever want to be friends again though idk if either of us can do that #i cant. rn #i understand why he wanted so much from me though. i get it

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 11 days ago

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Damn

Health insurance gets a lot cheaper when theyre not taking my moms income into account

#$100/month compared to 400 #i couldve also gotten several free ones but the copays were a lot higher also if i actually had to USE my insurance for more than regular #doctor visits the deductible and out of pocket expenses were way higher #and i dont go to the doctor as much as i probably should but i might start #this one has a $3000 deductible and only 700 out of pocket as opposed to 7000 deductible and 9000 out of pocket #which is more reasonable #i did not check if gender affirming care is covered cuz my mom was helping me and i got stuck debating if i wanted to get into that rn #the anxiety won out in the end #if my dad hadnt been sitting on the couch gaming i mightve been able to push through it #id rather just tell my mom and then SHE can tell other people #like with my autism #i mean. she tries not to do that cuz she hared when her mom shared personal information about her with other people #but mom. pls. i hate talking to people. i will avoid conversations as much as possible. even if its things i want people to know about me #please just tell them for me so i dont have to #at least when it comes to family #i can tell my friends shit #most of the time #but it helps that i have grandmas on both sides that are extroverts that tend to overshare #mom just has to tell them and itll get out there #i use my oversharing grandmas to my advantage #i just have to be strategic in what i tell them #or in most cases what i want my mom to tell them

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mourning-star-daily-comet · 2 months ago

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you true crime types are soooo annoying. you never let go of ANYTHING. Alex was right about you xoxo 💋💅🤭

im going to shoot you point blank in the back of the head execution style

#guys dont come for me i didnt mean it #idk if this is too far but idc #im fed the fuck up #i dont wanna hear about alex and i dont wanna get any more hate i just want everything to be normal again #im a normal fucking person just like every single one of you. i dont know what i even did anymore. so much has happened since then #i didnt think that showing my emotions one damn time on here would be so insane and change everybodys lives #and this isnt even scratching the surface of the hate im getting. thanks for nothing to all my followers i hate you guys like actually #you guys dont see me as a person you just see me as a faceless blog. which is good cause i dont wanna get fucking doxxed again #but also i feel like everyone forgets im a human being andi have feelings and i have things i need and want #i want to be okay again i want my mom to come back i want to quit my job and i want to be happy just like so many people u know #what the fuck is so diffferent about me that you guys think i dont deserve any of it #is it cause i fucked up a couple times as a teenager on the internet??? cause i had a falling out with a dramatic asshole i dated??#fuck you guys #not even joking #and if i wasnt so committed to my damn job #which is literally all this is at this point #id probably leave the internet forever but fuck me i guess

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wp100 · 6 months ago

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right after work and my shower today i will do that uldaman

#it's a +5 so hopefully itll be easy lol #ulda isnt too bad #i hate the last boss tho. and the trogg boss #they hit pretty hard #the other bosses and the trash are fairly easy #but it IS fort week so it might be a bit rough #idk ive only done a 2 on fort but id imagine a 5 isnt much differnt with the gear i have now #im excited because this might push me to ksm and then im done #i could push to do 7s but eh. think ive done enough m+ for my first season pushing to ksm #i think i did pretty well. theres definitely room for improvement tho #like keybinds... i really need to start using my keybinds instead of clicking certain buttons #ramblings #i will play more remix once i get ksm #i just want the toys/mounts/other stuff and then im done with that #dont have time to worry about doing the mythic raid #titles are titles to me. i never use them #would still be nice to get it but eh people expect you to play like a pro so probably wont ever get into a grp lol

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