#if i couldnt touch anyone without almost/actually killing them i think i would probably be willing to try the power dampening cuffs!!!

[cal-writes]

Do you have any headcannon/interpretations of zoro and mihawks relationship? Most fic and stuff I’ve seen have him as a sort of aloof but caring father. Canon hasn’t really given us much to go off but so far as we know Zoro’s dream in life is still to kill and/or maim him so idk.

ohh i do! (some of the nsfw)

i dont think zoro necessarily wants to kill him, he wants to beat him but that doesnt necessitate killing people. zoro actually rarely kills his opponents that we know of (but then in generall one piece doesnt have a lot of on screen character death i think one of the only few confirmed kills by the straw hats is arlong) like hachi survived, mr one survived, wyper survived, kaku, hody, monet, pika, king all survived their match with zoro. i think at this point the only confirmed kill is the former mr seven prior to canon.

honestly kind of funny to think about zoro having such a ruthless reputation and then we know he killed like, one guy lol (it was probably more and he doesnt seem to have objections to killing in general unless its women and children but you get my point)

so i think to zoro the goal is beating mihawk in an honorable battle to fullfill his promise to kuina.

mihawk i think is bored as all hell. like he's the greatest swords man, he has his own island, he's a warlord so not even the marines touch him (pr time skip) there is no challenge to him, barely anyone even dares to until zoro and even if their fight is ridiculously one sided zoro's tenacity impresses him

like its fucking lonely and boring at the top or how that saying goes. mihawk and zoro are both very alike in sentiment and their sense of honor, standard swordsman stuff. so i think mihawk was pretty happy to find an equal in that regard already even if zoro couldnt beat him yet. he's investing in zoros future and his own in a way

like zoro dropped on his island out of thin air, injured and close to death and he took him in

mihawk giving his energy, tried to help him and seeing “oh okay you just gonna get yourself killed”.

when zoro comes back to ask for his teaching

he has high expectations for zoro and demands him to meet them (similarly to how zoro holds the crew to his own high standards) so i can see the where the stern parent angle comes from

but mihawk also has the experience to read zoro really well. i think before this point he thought zoro was doing it largely for himself, his own ambition. but here with their second meeting "its always for the sake of another". in their first fight zoro said he needs to beat mihawk because of "a promise to a friend" and here zoro does everything to get back to his crew.

i find it noteworthy that mihawk insists zoro recover before they start training, probably knowing full well zoro wouldn't allow himself on his own accord. makes me think of the whole "help yourself before you help others" something mihawk knows but zoro still struggles with.

we dont know too much about mihawk, why his running around alone without a crew or how he got to be so strong but again to me he reads as very lonely due to his powress and he kind of wants zoro to defeat him. not just bc for both of them it would be a good fight but also bc then he could "retire" so to speak.

ive mentioned it before but i dont think zoro will know what to do with himself once he beat mihawk and at this point on canon its definitely taken second place to seeing luffy become pirate king so it can go a few ways. i can almost see them not having a direct battle but maybe mihawk falling to an elder and zoro then beating that elder but we’ll see

it would be interesting to see how thatll go down

i think its more a mentor then a parent dynamic, like a grumpy ass professor that wants you to succeed.

in terms of nsfw thoughts i can only add ten images on mobile so thatll come in the reblog lol

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

I understand the reasonable trauma associated with her powers but rogue is so funny to me cus she's like "oh I'll never be able to touch another person I'll never be able to have a relationship" girl just use protection

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[violetnotez]

Big Bro Dabi- (PLATONIC) Dabi x Reader

Anonymous: I saw request were opened and i wanted to request a dabi related one. It could be HC or a short story its all up to you, but what about the reader kinda of being a little sister to dabi? (Not by blood ) like she was a villain herself in the league and dabi and her get close and form a close brother sister bond, but after a mission shes left behind and captured by the heros what happens from there is up to you! But i always wanted to see how dabi would be in the role of a big bro

Omg anon this is such a cool idea I read this and I am completely in love with a big brother Dabi!!!

I broke this up into a mini fic, HC, and then the request is at the bottom (cause I may or may not have gone a little overboard with the idea *u*)

Also- this is a completely PLATONIC bother and sister relationship between y/n and Dabi, nothing romantic at all!

(RULES  | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

-----------

How You Met:

“Don't touch me!” the girl pleaded frantically, her hands and face covered in dirt and soot, her clothes tattered.

Dani stared at her terrified face, confusion riddled in his brows.

She didn’t look scared of him, no-she was scared of herself. Her arms were riddled with cuts and bruises from her quirk-she obviously didn’t have control over it.

A memory flitted into his body, making his body cringe from pain-he remembered when he couldn’t control his quirk, the effects of that permanently set into his skin.

He looked at the girl, empathy he hadn’t felt in a very long time filling his stomach. He crouched down, holding out a scarred hand.

The girl stared at him with shocked, tear stained eyes.

“Didn’t you listen to me?!?” you yelled, panic in your voice, “I said don’t touch me-I’m dangerous!”

“What’s so bad about being dangerous?” Dabi questioned, making you go silent.

“Your quirk isn’t a bad thing,” he continued, “it’s just powerful.”

He gave himself a small minute to think-if you could join the League and control that quirk of yours, you could be a good asset to the team. It was powerful, and even though you didnt have a handle on it right now, didnt mean you couldnt learn how to.

“Come with me,” he commanded gently, “I can help you-you won’t hurt yourself anymore.”

You kept staring at his hand, the purple skin becoming a blur in your tears.

“But I’ll hurt you.”

He chuckled darkly, shaking his head. 

“You won’t-you see how scarred my skin is? That’s because I couldn’t control my quirk either-the scarred skin doesn’t feel sensations all too well. But I learned though, and I'm fine.  And you will too-just take my hand. I promise you’ll be okay.”

You stared at his face, your chest heavily slightly with the comforting thought of being with someone who finally wanted to help you, and who understood what you were going through.

You slowly took his hand, allowing him to help you from the ground.

------------

Big Brother Dabi HC

Nobody knew how overprotective Dabi would be

He’s very good at giving you space, but if he sees any man so much as glance at you

He is going to give them a glare that could kill

It probably can

Pray for the boys that try to flirt or ask you out

You will have to literally restrain Dabi because he will want to char them to a crisp

Is a total dick all the time

Like he will randomly snatch up your phone and hold it up because he is a GIANT and smirk at you as you try and get it back

Will scold you for using cuss words but will use them himself

Hates seeing you cry- he will let you cry in peace first and then come after with your fav food and will listen to what’s wrong

If somebody actually made you cry- Jesus Christ he will find them and hurt them so bad they will have to go to the ER

This man dont play around

You and Toga will most likely be super close like sisters and all three of you will be wrecking havoc

You and Toga have begged Dabi to let you two do his makeup 

Always tells you straight up “Hell no”

Doesn’t mean you won’t put it on his face when he sleeps right?

Almost burnt your face off when he woke up and found himself gliterry eyeliner and lipstick

Asks you for help when he dyes his hair and you have to get a step stool to reach his head

He is so TALLLLL

Is constantly forcing you to train 

He knows you hate it and he isn’t very fond of it either but it’s good bonding time

But he’s just terrified he’ll lose you in battle one day and he can’t even stand the idea of it

------------

FIC: Getting Taken Hostage By the Heroes

“Holy shit-Dabi!” you gasped, pointing at the bodies coming towards you ,the sound of poilce sirens filling the air.

Dabi followed your outstretched finger, seeing why you were so worried- you two had been cornered in a matter of seconds.

“How the hell did they figure out our plan?” Dabi asked as you both broke out in a run, trying to get hidden in the trees of the forest you were currently in.

Shigaraki had split up the League earlier in order to get a better success of the mission- Him and Black Mist would be giving commands, while Toga and Twice actually went in to do the dirty work of the mission. All you and Dabi had to do was keep watch outside, something you both found insignificant and boring. But you didn't expect the police to show up, let alone the Heroes.

“How the hell- am I supposed to know?!” you panted, trying to keep up with Dabi’s pace. “We just need to get out-”

Footsteps were getting louder behind you, shouts of the Heroes trying to follow your path making your heart beat reverently against your rib cage. You didn't want to think about getting caught by the heroes- you knew they couldn't do anything to harm you, it was against their whole moral basis for their profession, but the thought of going on trial and dealing with not being free to do what you wanted made your spine shiver. You would never let somebody control your life- you’d rather die than do that.

Dabi kept on running, the night making it hard to see in front of him. He secretly felt grateful for having such a tall stature, because he was able to run quickly and get some distance with the heroes. You, though, weren't so lucky- he was hoping that you were holding up and able to follow him, even if you had a hard time keeping up. The heroes sounded to be getting closer, and he couldn't help but feel a small jolt of fear: if they caught him or you, you both would be done for, and he couldn't stand the idea of you getting caught-

A scream filled the night air, making his blood run cold.

“DABI!” you shrieked, feeling a rough hand wrap around your arm. One of the heroes had finally caught up to you, using his powerful strength to pull you from running back to Dabi. 

Dabi swiveled around, unable to find you. God damn it- he should have checked to make sure you were right behind him. What the hell was he thinking? Dabi cursed at himself, panic and fury filling in his stomach as he heard his name being screamed again.

He looked at the trees, trying to figure out which opening would lead to you. Why the hell did you have to get caught?

He quickly decided on a direction, going into a sprint as anger began to rise in his stomach. Whoever caught you and was making you that scared was going to fucking pay- nobody hurt the people he loved.

Dabi had begun to regard you like a sister, seeing alot of himself in you: you at first had trouble controlling your quirk, making you feel terrified of yourself and weak. But as he began to train you, he realized he found himself growing to like you: you were snarky, sarcastic as hell, and silly enough to even make him chuckle a little. You were beginning to be something of a little sister to him, and he was willing to do anything to protect you.

“Stop squirming!” the hero commanded, his strength making your arm begin to tingle with pain.

“Go to hell!” you spat back, not caring you were being disrespectful. 

“DABI!” you screamed again, continuing to fight against the hero. You felt trapped, like a prey getting caught by a predator.

You heard another pair of feet run behind you, your heart sinking seeing that they were not Dabi’s but yet another Hero.

“You caught one of them?” the new comer asked, making you shoot daggers into their eyes.

“Yes, but she’s not cooperating,” the other struggled to say as you fought against their grip.

The new Hero looked at your with scorn, your desperate attempts to flee making him frown.

“Maybe some time at the station will make them calm down,” they commented, the other nodding in agreement.

You eyes became wide with fear, your stomach feeling heavy. 

“Your both fucking hilarious, thinking I’m going to go there! Your asses are going to be dead!” you retorted, making them both a little shocked you would so outright cuss them out. 

“I’d watch your mouth-”

“Lets just take her!” the other interrupted his comrade, the latter grunting in distatse as they began to drag you away.

Fear erupted in your stomach as you were unable to get yourself away from the Heroes. You refused to get taken by them- you weren't going without a fight. You began clawing and kicking like an animal, not caring you were most likely hurting the Hero.

“Dabi! DABI!” you screamed out again- he wasnt that far away when you had gotten caught- he was okay right?- he heard you, didnt he?- he couldnt have gotten caught-

The new comer looked back, throwing a confused dirty look at your struggling form. “Who is she even calling to?”

The hero holding onto you stopped abruptly, looking at a figure in front of him.

The other noticed his sudden change, looking over his shoulder to find himself face to face with Dabi, his lazy smirk sending a wave of comfort to envelope your body.

“She’s calling for me,” he answered, his voice steady and strong. “Now, if you let her ago, you two wont get hurt- that bad.”

“You really think we’d give up that easy?! You’re crazy,” the newcomer retorted, taking on a battle stance.

You stared at Dabi, the pain in your arm pulsing as you watched his expression. Fear began to ripple inside you- to anyone who saw Dabi, he looked calm and collected- bored even. But you knew him too well- the clench in his jaw and the fire in his eyes told you he was furious, and when he was furious, he wasnt afraid to kill.

“Alright,” he shrugged, rolling his eyes, “suit yourself.”

Just then, you felt the intense grip on your arm release, the hero cryng out in pain as his arm became painted with his own blood. You looked to your side, hearing the manic giggles of Toga as she hide in the trees, her knives glinting in the moonlight. Twice then tackled the latter Hero, making them curse as they fought with the multitude of clones he created.

A smile enveloped on your face- you were safe. Your friends had your back.

Your vision became to froth with purple and black mist, knowing full well that Kurogiri was close by as your body began to sink into his portal-like quirk. You noticed the others began to do the same, Toga slinking in to her own with a love sink grin with Twice following behind.

Only Dabi didnt step into his own.

 Just before you fully submerged,  you watched Dabi look at the battered heroes with hatred. He raised his scarred hand, your vision turning a dangerous color of fiery blue as he activated his quirk, painting the night icy white.

-----------------

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hey love ! How are you ?? ♥️♥️ i love the scene you wrote after Arthur kills Murray. If you want to do another, here’s my request 😉

How about a reader who is in the apartment when Arthur kills Randall. After Gary is gone, she’s scared but he reassure her and promise to never hurt her. And she tells him that she loves him no matter what. Of course there is no obligation 😁 I’m addicted to your writing !! ♥️

Hi. First of all thank you for your request and for your nice words. This makes me soooooo happy to hear and it means A LOT to me!!!! It means SOOOOO MUCH!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

READER COMFORTS ARTHUR AFTER KILLING RANDALL

I had to change it a little bit, especially the reason why he kills Randall, because Arthurs situation would have been a whole different one if he had a girlfriend. Me personally I think he would have never killed someone while being loved and not alone anymore. The thought of him killing someone  while his loved one is wittnessing it, is even harder. BUT I still love the fact hat you asked for a request that shows that the reader / his girlfriend  is there for him no matter what. Even after a murder happened. And going off 7 meds at once can do a lot to a person. So I hope  the changes are okay with you and you still like the result.

"You`re so beautiful, Arthur. I could stare at your face forever". The hint of a smile was crossing his face while he took the brush to whiten his chin while a cigarette was burning in his left hand. He looked like a piece of art  doing his own make up. His reflection in the mirror stared back at him. The white paint gave his well structures face an even more intense look to it. Haunting. Tragic could be seen behind his eyes. The kinda tragedy that the greatest of all storms couldnt possibly wash away. It was there raging inside of him. Even in his calmest moments. Especially in his most quiet ones, there was this orchestra of chaos burning in his core. Still all he wanted was a moment of peace. Of silence. Love. You took the brush and helped him paint the rest of his face white. Arthur closed his eyes.  His dark eyelashed protecting them like a curtain. He wanted to feel it with all his senses. How your hand was leading the brush.  It was almost  like being touched by your  fingertips. Just as thoughtful and loving. He could  just tell that it was your hand leading it. No other hand would have been so good to him. "Whats wrong , darling?" you asked him, feeling that there was a heavy weight resting on his tiney shoulders. Arthur shrugged "Thinking about Randall and how all of this mess started with him giving me that fucking gun" he replied. His face twitched in an uncomfortable way. "I still think he gave me that gun, hoping I`d kill myself with it. Or...I dont know... maybe he just hoped for what happened in the end. The way I fucked up. The bad shit I did. " Arthur looked at you . His green eyes pierced you in a way that made it impossible for you to not feel your knees weaken. It hurt so much to hear that some people out there really wanted to see Arthur on the ground. Wanted to see him hurt. Suffering. Dead even. Your hand gently touched his cheek and got stained with white "Arthur, we both know that what you did on the subway was self defence.  It was three of them and they could have beaten you to death." He nodded. A stain of hair fell to his forehead as he took a deep drag of his cig "Yeah....you`re right...I guess it was. I hope it was. Sometimes I`m not sure I remember it right. Some nights I remember it this way, sometimes another. But in every single version of it, they were about to kill me first." You wiped the curl out of his face. His freshly dyed hair was soft to the touch. "And in every possible version you came home to me and I told you it was a good thing to save your own life" He once again nodded without looking very convinced. "I`m so glad they didnt  caught you. They still dont know who ended their lifes. There were so many guys in clown make up running around these days." Arthur smoked teh rest of his cig "I have a bad feeling about this. Its a gut feeling....like the cops will be here any minute. Ringing my door... and ...take me away from you...." You couldn have sworn to see a tear hiding behind the galaxy of his eyes. The thought of being taken away from you was Arthurs worst nightmare. Being locked away in Arkham state hospital wasnt so bad for him in the past. But now...now that he had you it was horrible to think of nights spent all by himself. With just a photo of you under his white , bleach smelling pillow. No loving arms around him, helping him sleep. Keeping him save from nightmares. Just staring at ceilings and more blacked out diary pages. He didnt cared so much about himself anyway. It was the both of you together he cared about most. And he wanted to protect you from anything that could do you any harm. Ever. Arthur was your protector. And if anyone would try to seperate the two of you from one another, he would not think twice about it to end this person. The doorbell. Arthurs muscles twitched. His shoulderbone was becoming more and more visible as he opened the drawer to get the scissor "I knew it" he whispered "Its the cops." Within seconds your whole world fell apart. What if they knew? What if they will take Arthur with them  now? You coudlnt even imagin a day or a night without him anymore. Arthur was your home. They couldnt just come in and take your home away from you. "Oh my god....Arthur" you whimpered "Please dont open the door..." He stood up "Dont worry, baby. I will take care of it." The scissors disappeared in his pockets. This was bad. Your whole boday started to hurt. Your mind was raging. This was a nigtmare. Is this how Arthur felt sometimes when he wasnt sure of reality anymore? Was this a taste of how he lived most of his life? Uncertain of what is happening . Arthur checked the door "Its okay. Its jus Gary and Randall". The weight of the world was falling off your shoulders. Thank god it was only his workmates. "Hey guys, come on in" Arthur opened the door while Randall was talking about what was going on outside. Arthur claimed that he didnt knew anything about that. Gary handed you a bottle of champain "I brought a little present" he smiled "I`m so gald that that Athur isnt alone anymore. He really needs someone on his side, you know? Its not good for him to be alone with his....thoughts I think. " You took the present and thanked him. Gary was the only one of his workmates that you wittnessed to be actually nice to him.  You looked over to Arthur and Randall. Arthur seemed annoyed by him. Or hurt. Probably both. "You`re too sweet Gary. And yes. I try my best to be there for him. In any situation, you know? He has been left alone since he came into this world. " Gary nodded sadly. He really felt for Arthur. "I stopped taking my medication" The tone in Arthurs voice sounded strange. You didnt knew about him not taking his medication anymore. Why wouldnt he tell you about something important like that? Was it something he wasnt telling you to make sure that you wouldnt start to worry about his condition? The way he told Randall about it, sounded more than concerning in your ears. "I feel a lot better now" he added. You knew that Arthur was always convinced that the doctor should increase his medication. But you would have never thought that he wanted to stop taking them. Maybe it wasnt even his desicion. Maybe something else happened. Was it possible that he didnt got his receipes anymore? "Good for you" Randall replied. Not a spark of honesty in his sarcastic voice. Arthur was standing in the doorway. His body language changed since he was talking to Randall. Randall was the representation of all the bullies that ever tortured him. Arthur looked even smaller than usual, now that Randall was standing in front of him.  You could tell that Athur was thinking about the gun. And why Randall handed it to him. Loaded. He could have killed himself with it. Arthur took his cigarette and drew a smiley on the wall, laughing. It wasnt his usual laugh. It was different. A laugh you had never heard before. Going of his meds must have changed something inside of him. "Arthur?" you walked up to the love of your life and tried to talk to him. But he seemed to be focused on Randalls hand, which slowly reached down his pocket while he talked about the cops showing up. "I just want to make sure that our stories line up, because you`re my boy and...." You`re my boy. Arthur had heard this sentence before. Right after he gave him the gun. "Artie?" you tried to get through to him but his eyes were still lingering on Randalls big hand. Convinced that Randall was about to pull a gun. He finally tured his head into your direction "Now close your eyes, baby." Arthur whispered softly before he rapidly grabbed the scissors and with one fast movement he sticked  them into Randalls neck. A flood of blood appeared. Arthur pulled the scissor out just to stick them into Randalls eye. A scream. Gary started crying. And you. You just stood there. Paralyzed. All of this seemed unreal. Like a nightmare you barely remembered after waking up but you still felt it in your subconsiousness. Waiting to be analyzed. Arthur grabbed Randalls heavy body and slammed his head against the wall. Another time. And another. Ten times. Until his scull cracked. Blood was dripping from the walls and from Arthurs angelic face. You wanted to scream his name, just like Gary did. But you couldnt.   "Arthur why would you do that?" Gary cried in the corner of the room, shocked by his actions. "I think h-he thought R-Randall was about to pull a gun....it triggered him w-when Randall called him his boy." you stuttered. Gary covered his face with his hands. He couldnt belive what your boyfriend just did eighter. Arthur was sitting on the floor next to Randalls body, breathing heavily , his eyes unfocused, with a feverish look to his face. Was he aware of what he just did? Was he aware that you were still in this room with him? Or was he elsewhere? Far away from you? Oh god, how much you wished he was still in there. Gary wanted to leave but was too afraid to pass Arthur. "Its okay Gary, you can go" Arthur smiled. Hearing his voice again felt good. He was at least able to talk. "I`m not gonna hurt you". Gary took a small step towards him. Arthur scared him for fun. His sense of humor could be kinda dark. Still. But only seconds later he helped Gary with the door  when he couldnt make it to the lock. Before Gary left the apartment, Arhur kissed his forehead saying "You and Y/N were the only ones who were ever nice to me." Gary ran as fast as he could. Arthur closed the door, checking his chest. realizing there was blood all over his body. He kneed down to land on the floor again. Trying to catch his breath. It seemed like he was having a panic attack. Arthur started to quietly sing to himself. Thats when you realized that he needed help. He needed you now. More than ever. You carefully walked towards him. "Arthur?" He barely turned his head, humming. Your gently took his face between your hands. Randalls blood staining your fingertips. "Arthur, darling. Are you here with me?" He nodded "Always". "You loooked into his eyes but his gaze was still unfocused. His mind all over the place. "Breathe, Arthur. I am here with you. Try to breathe with me." The mixture of grease paint and blood felt strange between your fingers. But somehwere underneath there was that face you loved the most. Arthur stopped humming "Dont.....dont be afraid of me, please. I feel you being afraid. Please dont. You know that I could never hurt you." Arthur leaned in to place a gentle kiss on the corner of your lips. And even though you knew that his face was stained with another persons blood you let it happen. Tasted it. You knew that you could trust him with your life. "I`m not....not afraid of you, Arthur. I´m just afraid of what is happening inside of you. What it does to you." "My sweet angel" he said, stroking your cheek with his red fingertips "Always worried about your man" he chuckled, closing his eyes. "I had to" he added "he was about to pull a gun!" You havent seen a gun on Randall but you would never tell him. He thought he just saved your life. this was the only way to cope with what he just did. "I know Artie, I know." you took him into your arms  to cradle him like a little boy. "It will be okay. Everything will be fine as long as we are together." A silent tear ran down Arthurs smeared cheek "You still love me? I told you to look away. But you didnt. You just didnt." He whimpered. "I never wanted you to see this. Can you still love me ?" Your hands shaked as you took his bloody hand in yours "I loved you before we even met and I will love you for as long as my soul exists" you whispered into the still of the room. "I love you too" his voice cracked. "Now stand up. We´re gonna wash the blood away, Okay? You really need to get this off you now". Arthur nodded as you lead him into the bathroom for him to take off the rest of his cothes and get into the bathtub. His blue pants and underwear was now lying on the floor. You turned on the water and waited for it to fill, as you thoughtfully grabbed a sponge to wash his face. Arthur closed his eyes and listened to the music inside of his head. It became calmer now that you touched him. It was hard not to shake while watching the water turn pink. But it felt good to get it off his face. With every cleaned part you were able to breathe again. To recognize him. "Thank you" Arthur mumbled "I dont deserve you". After his face was clean you couldnt stop staring at it. there he was again. Yor sweet,angelic Arthur. The man with the most gentle hands. The softest heart. He was right there with you and you were here to wash his sins away. You now focused on his chest, noticing that his heart was beating fast as you  let your hand slide over the skin above it. HIs fragile heart which had experienced so much torture and pain. To much pain to handle. Later you had to figure out what to do with Randalls body. But for now you just had one purpose. To take care of the man you loved the most. You continued by washing his hair. Washing the sweat away. Curl by curl.  Your hands turned green and Arthur looked more vulnerable than ever. "Why didnt you tell me that yo stopped taking your meds?" you asked him, afraid of his answer. "They cut the funding. I was afraid to tell you.... I´m sorry. I should have. " "Oh Arhur. we have to do something about this. You know that right?" "Yeah" he breathed, staring at his now clean hands. Knowing that you will figure this out together. All of this. "We gotta hurry a bit, Arthur. They will be here soon and try to get you back at Arkham. But dont worry about that okay? We´ll be running away. Somewhere far from Gotham. We`ll find a nice place to stay. Just the two of us. Together."

"I know we will find a way. We always do, right?" he whispered .And when his intense eyes met yours with such certainty  you leaned in to kiss him on the lips, telling him that everything is going to be okay, while you pulled the plug to rinse away the last traces of red.

[brelione]

Feild Trip with a Rich Bitch (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Part Two

Mentions of drugs,Rafe being a bitch,swearing and blow torches :)

Also,Goddess Part Three will be up by Friday afternoon.If you would like to be tagged please let me know :)

He had always hated Pogues.Then he met you.

You worked at a car repair shop in The Cut.He had come in on his bike,well,he had walked the broken piece of shit to the shop.You were the only one working that day.He couldnt help but think you looked adorable with your long sleeve yellow shirt under dark blue overalls,a backwards red hat and at least six silver chains draped across your neck.You had been extremely focused,sitting indian style as you smoothed a weird bump on a car with a nail file. “So are you gonna stare at me or are you gonna tell me what youre doing here,pretty boy?”You asked,not taking your attention off the task at hand.He blinked,surprised by your carefree yet assertive tone. “Uhh...somethings wrong with my bike.”He mumbled,attempting to smooth out his hair.You let out a small laugh as you dragged a paint brush along the smooth metal,fixing the messy spot. “No shit.What’d you do to it?”You asked,spreading more paint across the metal.His face turned red as he glanced around the shop.

There were paintings across the walls,multiple tool boxes and a wall of paint swatches.There were six other cars parked,some of them with large dents,holes or scratches. “I drove it into a tree.”He mumbled.You nodded. “Magnificent job,pretty boy.How are you gonna have a bike as expensive as that one then drive it into a tree?”You asked.He just shrugged,hands in his pockets.You put your paintbrush down into a cup of water,pulling out a blowtorch from seemingly nowhere.The flame hovered above the paint,drying and hardening it.Once you were satisfied with the paint job you stood up,brushing off your pants.You still had the blowtorch in your hand,the potential weapon swinging next to your thigh as you walked towards Rafe. “You gotta put the kickstand down,pretty boy.”You reminded him,gesturing to the bike.He nodded. “Right.”He nodded,putting the kickstand down and turning the handlebars so it would lean on the metal rod.One of the tires seemed blown out,a straight hole through the seat and multiple scratches across the metal.He watched as you looked over it.

You pulled at one of your chains. “So are you going to tell me what actually happened?”You asked,crossing your arms over your chest.That caused him to look down at your chest and the bleach stains across the front of your overalls.You snapped your fingers to get his attention back to your eyes.He cleared his throat,looking back up at you. “So how much for the repairs?”He asked.You smirked. “Well...i’d say $150 but you’re an asshole so thats an additional $15 and you’re also ruining my day so that would be another $15.”You twirled one of your chains,looking into his blue eyes.He bit his tongue,glancing between you and his bike. “And whats the fee for you not to tell anyone youre keeping my bike here?”He asked.You ran the tip of your tongue along your teeth with a devil like smile.God,this boy had never been in this kind of situation before.You werent even gonna tell anyone in the first place.You could probably charge him hundreds of dollars for all the things he’s done and he wouldnt be able to do anything about it.You were the best repair woman on the island and anyone else would go straight to his dad.It was 11 in the morning.You had pulled an all nighter for the third time that week and you hadnt eaten yet.Plus,if you sent Rafe to the store he could buy the expensive shit.

 “Theres a store three blocks away.Youre gonna go there and buy everything on the list and youre not gonna question it.”You told him.His eyebrows furrowed as he watched you take a notepad out of your pocket along with a pen,jotting things down.You tore the paper off,folding it and handing it to him.He took it,frowning and confused. “Hurry up.”You told him.He nodded,no words or sounds escaping his lips as he left the garage and made his way down the street.He knew what store you were talking about,the one with the sleeping cat outside.It was awfully quiet as he walked.Most of the time all the exciting things happened at night,not 11 in the morning.Either that or all the pogues were hiding from him,his gelled hair and his ugly ass khakis.He unfolded the piece of paper,reading it.Three large lemons,two large monster energy drinks,a bag of doritos and a pack of gum.It was a strange request but he wasnt supposed to question it.He had kept his head down at the store,grabbing three of the largest lemons he saw,two random monster energy drinks,the doritos and three packs of gum.

He didnt know what kind of gum you liked but you probably had to like one of the three,right?When he got back you were using your blowtorch on a part of the bike you had painted. “Put the bag on the work table and touch nothing.”You spoke loudly,confidently.He found your confidence unbelievably attractive.He never let anyone boss him around like this but ther was just something about you.You held some sort of power over other pogues,he could tell that much by the few boneyard parties he’d gone too.The others were attracted to you,some of them held their breath as you walked by,others just kept their distance.He didnt know where such nice chains had come from.They looked like they had weight,indicating that they were real.He had carefully walked over to your work table,seeing multiple small jars of paint,brushes,metal sheets,files,nails,screws and your cell phone.It was a pretty old model.He set the bag down on an empty spot,watching as a notification came across your phone.Eighteen days sober!Log this milestone.He frowned.Sober from what?

He shook it off,walking back around to where you were with his bike. “I was worried that you’d set my bike on fire or something.”He spoke quietly,trying to make conversation.You glared up at him,eyebrows casting shadows over your irises. “What?Cause im a dirty pogue?”You asked.He shook his head frantically. “Thats not what I meant I-”He began to explain himself but you cut him off. “So because im fixing your bike im different?”You asked.He sighed. “I just meant because of the blowtorch-Im sorry.”He mumbled.You stood up,blowtorch in hand. “Know your place,rich bitch.Your bike will be done by three,save yourself the embarrassment and go home to your mansion.”Your voice was dripping in venom,eyes narrowing.He gulped. “I cant go back home without my bike,my dad will kill me.”He mumbled,looking down at you.You smirked. “Good.”You replied before kneeling down again by the bike,getting back to work. “God,could you stop staring at me?Go sit somewhere or sue a tree or some shit.”You huffed.He almost tripped over his own feet,finding a chair and sitting down.He tapped his food on the ground anxiously. “So um...how long have you been fixing cars?”He asked.

You slammed the blow torch down on the concrete. “Could you shut the fuck up?Please?”You asked.He bit his lip. “I dont like the silence.”He replied. “And I dont like loud noises.”You answered. “What are you sober from?”He asked.You sat there for a moment,eyes locked on the ground.You slowly stood up,walking towards him. “You went on my phone?”You asked.His mouth went dry and he was lost for words. “Rafe.”You snarled.He looked back up at you,beads of sweat collecting at his hairline. “I-the notification-I just saw it and I just-God,im sorry (Y/N).”He sighed,looking away from you.Your hand reached up,gripping his jaw and making him look at you. “Didnt I tell you to shut the fuck up?”You asked.He looked away from you,only looking back when your grip tightened. “Yeah.”He muttered. “And you’re gonna be good and shut that pretty mouth of yours,right?”You asked,squeezing harder on his flesh.He hummed. 

“Good.”You mumbled,taking your hand away and getting back to work.You could feel him staring at you,the way your fingers moved as you grabbed your tools.He understood now.He understood the pogues’ fear and admiration of you.He felt like one of them,caught up in your beauty and the way you carried yourself while simultaneously being slightly afraid of you.You walked past him,grabbing one of the monsters.You grabbed a knife from the table.He watched as you cut open the bottom of the energy drink and shot gunned it,wiping your mouth when you were done.You grabbed a lemon from the bag,cutting an end of it off.You pulled a container of a white powder,opening it and coating the lemon slice in it. “Dont stare at me like that.Its salt,nothing you can snort.”You grumbled,taking the slice out and placing it in your mouth.Your eyes didnt squint and your eyebrows didnt furrow at the taste. “You...you eat lemons in salt?”He asked.You pulled the lemon slice from your teeth,biting the salt coated fruit as it left your mouth. 

“I do.”You replied. “It helps with cravings.”You finished your thought,going to fix the bike seat.Rafe had sat on his phone until one in the afternoon when he heard someone come in. “You havent answered your phone,thought you were dead or something.”A deep voice said.Rafe heard you giggle. “Only on the inside,sunshine.I’m busy with work right now,tell the others ill be around by seven.”He heard the tone of your voice.Friendly,happy and almost excited. “Alright.Did you eat today?”The voice asked. “I had a lemon slice,ive got some doritos so dont worry too much.I’ll see you later.”You had told your friend. “Alright,sounds like a plan.”THe boys voice said before leaving.Rafe watched as you rolled a tire inside,replacing the one he had destroyed.Once you had replaced it you went back to the bag of goodies,cutting open the other monster.You chugged it,sighing as you stared up at the ceiling. “Why do you hate me so much?”Rafe asked suddenly.A smile tugged at your lips.

 “You beat up two of my boys,you come around starting shit and blaming it on us,you think youre just so fucking amazing when youre really just a bitch,you ran over my fucking mailbox,you drink and drive,you gave another one of my boys a fucking concussion and a scar and you wonder why I hate you?”You ranted,fists clenching.He just sat there,hands gripping the arms of the chair. “You just fuck things up.”You sighed.He licked his lips. “You sound like my dad.”He mumbled.You laughed. “Oh dont get me started on your dad.That bitch ruined my life.”You sighed,grabbing another lemon slice.He raised his eyebrows. “What?How?”He asked.You just giggled to yourself. “You really have no idea what your father has done to my family?No idea at all?”You asked.He shook his head.You just laughed again,the sound filling the air.It wasnt like the way you had giggled with your friend.It was empty and sarcastic,hiding anger that was building up inside of you. “You wanna go for a field trip,Rafe Cameron?”You asked.

[chikkou]

Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true 

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them. 

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER. 

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors. 

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after. 

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence. 

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be. 

[ladyboltontoyou]

Arthur Morgan x Reader: Ol’ Fashion Fingers

Ask: ahhh okay so the kinda gross idea! i was wondering if you could write something where the reader is on her period and arthur takes care of her, and i mean...we both know he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty and also...a bit of blood won’t gross him out right? so maybe...he takes care of her and later...works his magic fingers to makes her feel better? i know it’s probably very gross but my cramps are so extremely bad this month i’m dying i just need some arthur i LOVE your writing btw!

Warning: Fingering, period blood

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Reader

A/N: I am so sorry I took so long on this. Whoever sent in the ask, hope you enjoy! (Lmfao at the ‘say no more’ part at the end) Also, they didn’t have tampons or pads back then I don’t think so I used rags, since that’s what I remember women had to use before our ‘luxury’ items. 

“Kill me, put a bullet in my skull, please, it would be a mercy.” Your cramps this month were killing you. They hadn’t been this bad in years, not since you first started having them when you were very young.

“That bad?” Arthur asked as he chewed on a some of the candy Hosea had bought for you.

“You have no idea.” You sighed, watching him clean his gun. The two of you were sitting in a room at one of the Taverns in Valentine, you had rented out a room and bought special service to help ease the pain. Every thirty minutes a maid would bring you a fresh cold rag, a hot blanket, and some water. Karen had done it the last time she got her period and said it was one of the best things she’d ever spent money on. 

Arthur set his gun down on the dresser and made his way over to you, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside your feet. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do for you?”

You hummed and looked up, pretending to be deep in thought. “I don’t know… kiss me?” 

Arthur broke into a smile and leaned across you, giving you a quick kiss. “How was that?”

“I still hurt. Kiss me again.”

He kissed you again, longer this time and with more movement. When he pulled back he raised a brow, questioning silently.

“I think it’s working, but I can’t tell. Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.” You forced yourself into a sitting position, now face to face with the man. 

Arthur let out a sigh, not one of annoyance but rather amusement, and brought you in for another kiss. This time you caught him off guard and slipped your tongue in his mouth, bringing up a hand to run your fingers through his hair. His hat fell onto the ground but neither of you noticed. 

The kiss didn’t end as quickly as the others did. Even when he pulled the sheets off of your body your lips remained connected. Even when his hands slid up your legs and gave your thighs a squeeze. You only broke the kiss so you could take your pants off. They were your go-to that time of the month pair, they had holes in the knees and were black so if you had any sort of accident no one would be able to tell. 

You had changed your rag not too long ago so it wasn’t that bloody, thankfully. Even though Arthur had mentioned many times before that he had seen blood almost every day of his life, it wasn’t anything new or gross to him. Still, sometimes you felt a bit embarrassed. 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” You reminded Arthur as he planted kisses along your neck while his hands squeezed your bare hips.

“Quit that. Lay down and relax, alright?” 

You nodded and laid back down flat on your back after you removed your button up shirt. Arthur hadn’t bothered removing any of his clothing since what he planned on doing didn’t involve him at all. Maybe afterward if what he had in mind didn’t hurt, but he couldn’t imagine anything bigger than a finger inside you would do anything other than cause more unnecessary pain.

He started with massaging your clit, working you up enough so you were shaking. Your little whimpers and moans were almost too much for him but he kept himself together and focused on you and you only. 

After a while of doing that he lightly trailed his fingers down your folds, teasing your entrance with feather-like touches. He kept his eyes on your face and searched for the slightest sign of discomfort, but he only found pleasure. You had your mouth slightly open, letting out quick puffs of air, and your eyes closed. 

“Don’t hesitate to stop me, you hear?” As if. After all the time you’d known Arthur, he still surprised you every day by how sweet he could be. You’d never find another man living as considerate, honest, and utterly selfless as Arthur Morgan.

“M’kay.” 

He looked at you for a few more seconds before he was satisfied that you were totally okay with everything. He then pushed one finger inside you, slow and only partial. Almost immediately he looked up to make sure you didn’t look like you were in any pain. You seemed fine, eyes still closed with your bottom lip between your teeth from anticipation.

You wished he would get on with it, you weren’t made of glass. But you knew he was just being careful, and plus, it wasn’t like you didn’t like when he teased you a little. In your experience, an orgasm always felt better after you had to work for it. 

When he was finally knuckle deep he tested out a gentle curl, knocking a moan out of you. “You alright girl?” He asked, his voice raw and husky, and stilled his movements. 

“Keep going.” 

He obliged and continued curling his fingers, making you forget about the pain going on inside you. You’d never actually fingered yourself whilst on your period, it would be too hard to hide the blood on your fingers if anyone walked in on you. You had settled for outside stimulation which usually eased your pain for a while, but this was a whole different feeling. It was as if you weren’t even on your period at all. No cramps, your spine didn’t ache and your legs weren’t sore to the touch. You didn’t even have a headache anymore.

It didn’t take you long to come. The feeling of his long thick fingers inside you coupled with the erotic image of him sitting fully clothes between your spread legs was too much to handle. Even if you wanted to prolong the whole thing you couldn’t, your orgasm came too sudden and fast for you to do anything about it. All you could do was let out a couple of swear words with his name thrown in a few times and came around his fingers.

Arthur was blown away, as he was every time he had the ‘privilege’, as he called it, to watch you come. “Jesus, woman.” Was all he could say.

You sat up with shaky arms, catching your breath as you ran your fingers through your hair. “That almost works better than morphine.” You joked and grabbed your shirt, slipping your arms through the sleeves but not bothering to button it back up.

“Speakin’a morphine, you should have some soon,” Arthur said as he watched you grab a new rag from the bedside table, wiping the cum and blood from your thighs before you handed it to the man beside you. “Unless the maid rode off with my money.”

“Oh, Arthur. You didn’t have to do that.” 

“Don’t ‘oh Arthur’ me.” He said as he wiped his fingers off, throwing the rag on the floor with the other one. “It was either that or cocaine, and you don’t need that right now. Last time you had some of that we couldn’t get you to sit down for ten minutes, you remember that?”

Shaking your head you laughed, getting one more rag to put in the pants you’d just slipped back on. “Yeah, I do.” You had chewed on far too many pieces of cocaine gum with the intention to get some work done around camp, but you ended up finishing all the chores within thirty minutes. So for the rest of the day, you were doing tasks that didn’t need to be done, such as over-hunting and fishing. The camp had to cook triple what they normally did every night so the food wouldn’t spoil. 

“I will admit, once you’re done with this whole bleeding thing it wouldn’t hurt to have you hunting again. You’re ‘bout the only one in camp besides me who can shoot anything without ruinin’ the meat.” 

You smiled at his compliment and laid back down, savoring the time you had left until the pain would kick back in. Hopefully, the morphine would get to you before then. “Thank you, Arthur. I feel much better now. You’re so good at that, I might start paying you to make me feel better instead of these maids.”

Arthur smiled and scooted up so he could lay down beside you. “Yeah, well, seeing you like that is all the payment I could ask for.” He kissed your cheek and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Oh yeah? Well, I think I’ve got some more to pay you.” 

Arthur held up his hand. “Don’t say nothin’ else.”

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

If You Ever Come Back (Yoongi x You ONESHOT)

A/N: Yes, yes I most definitely know who you are MRS MIN YOONGI! ahahaha. I dont know if this is up to your expectations but I hope you like it <3

and requests are still open guys <33

MASTERLIST

f you're standing with your suitcase But you can't step on the train Everything's the way that you left it I still haven't slept yet

"Y/N!"

She turned around to see Min Yoongi running towards her, stopping only a few feet away. His clothes and hair disheveled, maybe from running all the way to the train station. Y/N has been standing at the platform for quite sometime now, tears running down her beautiful face, hand holding the handle of her luggage tight, her mind contemplating her next move.

She dont know if she can do this.

If she can leave him.

If she will be able to live without him.

Without Min Yoongi, her first love, the love of her life.

"Y/N, please... dont go," the wind bring his soft voice to her ears, his sad eyes looking straight at her. "Please, just... just come back to me,"

Y/N kept quiet, not knowing what to say other than staring at his beautiful face. Memorizing every inch of it as if its the last time she will be able to do so. It would most probably be the last time and the thought make her heart hurt.

"Come back Y/N. Dont leave. Dont leave me. Lets just go home," he pleaded. Y/N almost nodded at his plea. Almost gives up everything and ran back into his arms, there nothing more that she wants other than to just hold him tight. "Just come back baby. Everything is still the same. We will forget everything, it will be just like you were never gone,"

She raised her eyes from roaming all over his face to stare deep into his eyes. His last words pushing her feet to finally make the decision that she had been contemplating about for hours.

"Everything is still the same,"

"That's exactly why I have to leave Yoongi. Because everything is still the same. You will always be the same. We will always be the same... And I... I cant do that anymore," she whispered between the tears that starts to fall even faster down her cheeks and turn around to board the train that just arrived in time, as if knowing how much she needs her escape right now.

Still setting two plates on the counter but eating without you I'm sleeping on your side of the bed Goin' out of my head now

Yoongi tossed his keys on the side table, his whole mind and body tired and exhausted from what just happened. Y/N's tear strained face as she said her goodbye and board the train, her last words, everything is tattooed clearly in his mind.

He had make it his mission to bring Y/N back with him when he stepped out from the house to chase after her esrlier. But why is he alone in the dark house that still smells like her right now? Feeling weak and defeated?

Yoongi slowly peeled himself off the sofa and tried to make something edible enough for him in the kitchen, hoping food would help to distract him, but it was hard. Everywhere he look, all he can see is Y/N's shadows haunting him, taunting him. He moved towards the cupboards to take out a plate but stopped immediately as a rish of memories took over.

"Yoongi, stop. Im going to drop these plates if you keep doing that!" Y/N squeal as Yoongi hug her from behind while she is reaching for the top shelves.

"Then drop the plates and give me a kiss instead," he pouted and turned her around to face him.

"You are so clingy sugarplum. You are really soft arent you? Not as bad ass as people thought you are," she giggled as she pecks his nose.

"Im only soft for you baby," he nuzzled her neck. "And I hate how you always calls me sugarplum. I'm a bad boy remember? You are really ruining my image here baby,"

"No matter what you say, you will always be my sugarplum. And I love my sugarplum so very much," she giggled again before Yoongi cupped her chin in his grip and leaned in to kiss her deeply.

Yoongi shakes his head, making the memory dissappear and urgently wipe his tears that is trickling down his cheeks without his permission. He silently swears to himself that if he ever get to hold her in that way again, she can call him anything she wants and he will gladly answer to it. Anything as long as she came back to him again.

He sighed and start to set the table, finally sitting down to eat whatever he managed to muster in his dazed mind when he realized he had prepared the table for two oit of habit. His eyes drift to the empty plate and empty chair opposite from him, knowing that it wont ever be occupied again with someone that he really wants and he suddenly lost all his appetite.

He shoved his food away and dragged his feet to his bedroom, throwing himself on the bed. The once crowded bed suddenly feel too empty, too cold without Y/N there. He looks up into the ceiling and blinks back the tears that has threathen to fall as her scent that is still left on the pillows filling his nostril.

"Roll over sugarplum! Stop sleeping on my side of the bed you hogger," she playfully nudged him away but Yoongi pulled her by the waist instead, making her fall on top of him.

"I told you we can both fit on this side of the bed," he grins and lift his head to give her a quick peck. "I love you Y/N... I really do," his eyes looks softly at hers, showing all the affection he have for her. Affection that he never felt for anyone else.

"And I love you too Min Yoongi," she kissed him back. "But I love my side of the bed more!" She giggled once she broke the kiss and pushed him away, catching him off guard.

Yoongi nuzzled his face into her pillow, stopping the tears from falling once again, hoping to feel her warmth from the cold unattended pillows.

"Im sleeping on your side of the bed Y/N. Do you hear me? So you have to come back home now and kick my ass for that..." he mumbles softly. "Just please... come back Y/N. I miss you so much... too much,"

If the truth is you're a liar Then just say that you're okay And if you're covering your face now But you just can't hide the pain

"Hey... its okay. Just cry. Just let it out. You need to let it out Y/N," Jin Hee looks at her friend who is solemnly staring outside the cafe glass window, her eyes glassy but no tears are coming out.

Y/N and Yoongi has been together for years, been together for as long as Jin Hee could even remember. They are in love and happy but things started to go south when Yoongi starts to get more recognition and getting busier. Y/N can understand his busy schedule, not being able to see her as often as before. She even understands that he spend most of his free time in his studio instead of with her, leaving her alone at home, missing him and yearning for him. She's fine with everything. Its the price to pay for being in love with someone as talented and obligated to his work like Min Yoongi.

But what she couldnt understand is how Yoongi would let out his anger on her. Acting cold towards her whenever he hit a road block on his music writing or when something happened to one of his songs. Yoongi would come back on the rare days that he would actually be home being all angry and screaming at her, slamming the bedroom door shut in her face. She understands it all. Music is his life and its hard for him when he is faced with pressure and datelines, sometimes even being short on ideas, but cant he rely on her for comfort instead of turning her into his anger punching bag?

Countless nights were spend crying on the living room couch only to be woken up inside Yoongi's warm embrace, giving butterfly kisses all over her face as he repeats his sorry a million times. Y/N loves him. She really do. But how long can she take it? How long will she be able to stand being second to his music?

"I'm okay Jin Hee," was Y/N short reply. Jin Hee shakes her head and gave her a sad smile.

"You are not okay Y/N. And you are also a very bad liar," she chuckle. "I know its hard. I know you miss him. You miss Yoongi dont you?"

Y/N turned her face to look at her friend, trying hard not to show the pain she's feeling but knowing she fails anyway. Jin Hee knows her too well.

"I..."

"Stop trying to hide it. You are in pain. You and Yoongi are meant to be. Are you sure leaving him is really the best way?"

"I dont know what else to do. Things will never change Jin Hee. Even if I go back to him... wouldnt things would still be the same? Wouldnt I be hurt again and again?" She sighed, remembering their endless fights and tears, but also all the good times filled with kisses and hugs they shared.

"I dont know Y/N. But what you had with Yoongi... I feel like its too special for you to just throw it away. Just... think about it, okay?" Jin Hee gave her one sad smile before standing up to attend to some of the customer who just came in.

Y/N played with her hands as she stare out the window again, looking at the happy couple walking and laughing together. She miss Yoongi. Its only been two days but she miss him like crazy. It kills her to be apart from him. To not be talking to him at all.

No matter what had happened in their relationship, the fights, the pain and the hurt, she still loves Yoongi.

She loves Min Yoongi.

And just like he knows exactly what she is thinking at this exact moment, her phone rings, flashing his name bright and clear on the screen

Min Sugarplum ♡♡

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder And I wish you can still give me a hard time And I wish I could still wish it was over But even if wishing is a waste of time Even if I never cross your mind

Yoongi woke up sweating like crazy, his breathing short and ragged from the nightmare he just had. He dreamt that Y/N left him for good. He turndto the other side of the bed, hands reaching out, expecting for her warm touch and easy smile telling him its all just a dream but reality hits him hard when all he felt is the cold untouched sheets on her side of the bed.

He was not dreaming at all. It really happened.

Y/N left him.

She finally gives up on them. She finally had enough of the bullshit from him, the shitty way he treats her and left.

And she's not coming back.

Yoongi blinked as he stares at the ceiling, the chilly morning air sending shivers to his skin. He remembers later through their relationship, the days when Y/N would just ignore him after he came back exhausted from camping out at the studio for five straight days. Yoongi understands she's mad at him for shutting her out everytime he's working. He should apologized the moment he walked into the apartment but he's too tired, too oblivious, too exhausted to care, and he just shrugged off her cold shoulder and make his way to the bedroom, giving his tired body its well deserve rest. He had hoped for her warm smile and embraced to heal his tired mind but he should have known better. He dont deserve that after leaving her high and dry for days with no calls or texts.

If only he knows then what he knows now. If only he knows then that Y/N was never petty. She would never hate him for being so passionate for his music. If only he knew then that he had missed her birthday that night. The one he promised to celebrate together. The one Y/N has dressed up for and waited for him for hours. Him always rejecting her calls all night when she tried to reach him.

If only he knew.

If only he knew then that he should have just said sorry and Y/N would have happily accepted his apology and ran back into his arms, wanting nothing more than to spend what little left of her birthday with him than fight.

But he didnt know. And he didnt bother to know.

So he slept on the empty bed alone as Y/N cried herself to sleep on the couch that night.

He also  remembers when Y/N starts to be difficult, giving him a hard time. Always complaining how he never make time for her anymore. Instead of talking it out with her, he chose to spend the whole month in the dorm and studio, again leaving her with no explanation.

If only he realized then that the only reason Y/N would even start complaining is because he didnt even spare her a minute in a week. He always left early and came back late and she didnt even get a chance to even catch a glance of his face.

If only he knew then that with just one quick hi from him between his busy schedule would return back the smile on her face, he would have done it without a doubt.

But he didnt know.

So their fight just got bigger and bigger, Yoongi, trying to a ood the fights and confrontations keeps spending more time in his studio rather than at home and tears just wont stop leaving Y/N's face in this point of their relationship anymore.

If only he knew.

He remembers sometimes during their relationship that he wishes it was over. That he was never involved in a relationship in the first place. Then he would be free to work on his music without thinking about anything else. Without the guilt, the pressure and the fights.

But then he remembers the moment Y/N told him she has given up on them, that she's leaving. He remembers when she said, with tears running down her face, that Yoongi is free from her now. Free to do his music without her as a distraction. Her face when she is walking out the door with some of her things, only the things that she could get her hands on in order to get away from him as fast as she could.

And suddenly he yearns for the cold shoulder Y/N used to give her when they fight, the hard time she gave him when he had a new project coming up, whining and demanding for his attention. He finds himself yearning for the times he is still able to wish that he was not in a realtionshiop, to be able to wish that his relationship was over.

Because at least then, it means that Y/N is still here with him.

Because it means that Y/N is still his.

No matter how he thinks about it, he decides that he would go through the bad times again and again as long as he knows that by the end of the day, he still can call Y/N his.

With new found courage and determination to get back what's his, he finally picks up the phone and dial the number he remembers by heart.

And if you're out there tryna move on But something pulls you back again I'm sitting here tryna persuade you like you're in the same room

"Yo...Yoongi?"

"Y/N..."

Silence enveloped the conversation, no sound were heard from both lines.

"I... I miss you," Yoongi breath out, making Y/N gasps. She is trying her best to move on from him. To start anew, to start living in a world without him. But hearing his voice again kills her.

Hearing him say he misses her... it just breaks all resolve she had work hard to build for the past days.

"Yoongi...please. Don't do this,"

"No, Y/N.  Its me who cant do this. I cant do this. I thought I can. I thought I can give you what you wanted. A happier life without me. I thought I will make it without you. I'll be fine without you. But I cant," he sobbed through the phone. After all the times he tried to held it in, his emotions finally broke loose. People who knows him knows he is a man of little words, he is not a man who show his emotions to anyone. He seldom cry or get angry. He minds his own business, avoiding any drama surrounding him. He lets out his emotions only on lyric papers, in a beat somewhere late in his studio. But this time, this time even his songs cant save him. He needs the love of his life to hear him. To understand the pain he's feeling right at this moment.

He's crying.

He's begging.

For the love of his life to just come back to him.

"Y/N..." he chokes out. "Please... please come back to me,"

"Dont do this. Please dont. We had so many chances to fix our relationship Yoongi. We tried everything, but nothing works. We dont work..." she sobbed.

"No. No Y/N. Dont say that. I love you. I love you Y/N. And I know you still love me too. Dont you Y/N?"

"Yoongi..." Y/N can only say his name. There is no way she can deny what he's saying. Even a blind man can see how much she still loves him.

"Love is enough baby. I promise you we will work things out. Because we love each other. Please Y/N. Give us this one last chance. Come back. Come back to me and we will work it out,"

"I cant Yoongi. I'm tired. Im tired of fighting for something that will never work. I'm... I'm sorry,"

And the line went dead.

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss I know you're out there somewhere so just remember this

Ever since that phone call, Yoongi has been relentless, bombarding Y/N's phone with non stop phone calls and text messages, ranging from casual hi's and desperate begging.

Y/N tried her best but her love for Yoongi makes her heart beats faster whenever his name appeared on her phone. It also breaks her heart when she heard him begging and sobbing. The Min Yoongi that she knew was never this weak. No one was able to make him cry or even worse beg. Did she hurt him this much? It didnt sit well with her to know that she is the cause of his pain. She thought leaving will only make it easier for the both of them.

Not being able to take it anymore, Y/N takes a deep breath to find some courage for herself and slide her phone, finally picking up his calls after his millionth time trying.

"Y/N. You finally answered me!" Yoongi's sound happy, relieved and sad at the same time.

"Stop calling me Yoongi! Please,"

"I cant do that Y/N. I wont do that," he said full of determination in his voice.

"Yoongi please. There is nothing for us to talk about. There is nothing left in our relationship to salvage Yoongi!" Y/N is frustrated. She still loves him and is desperately trying to forget him, but his constant phone calls is not helping her even a bit. "All we do is fight Yoongi. We dont even have time for each other..." her voice turned sad at the memory.

"You still remember Y/N. That means something,"

"What? What are you talking about Yoongi. Stop saying nonsense,"

"Even if its just the fights that you remember, it still means you remember us Y/N. Every moment spend with you, good and bad, everything is worth remembering, both wonderful because I'm with you. And I know you feel the same way Y/N,"

"Yoongi. Stop. I-"

"No. Listen to me," he plead. "Even if its just the fights that you remembered. Or the little things like me always hogging your tv and never putting the toilet seat down," he heard her chuckle between sobs, "its just means that you still remember us Y/N."

Yoongi kept quiet for a moment, only the light sound of breath can be heard from both sides.

"I dont know where you are Y/N. But I swear that I will find you again. Things will change this time. I will change. We will make it work no matter what. We love each other and nothing is going to beat that,"

"Yoongi... love alone wont be enough,"

"Yes it is baby. Dont you ever wonder why you still remembers everything we had together? Doesnt bad the good or the bad? Why you still bother to even pick up my phone calls if you hate me so much?" Yoongi smirked.

"Its because you love me Y/N. And your love will bring you back to me someday,"

I'll leave the door on the latch If you ever come back, if you ever come back There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat If you ever come back There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on And it will be just like you were never gone

Another one of his endless phone calls and another one of his begging which Y/N is listening too with tears in her eyes.

"I will wait for you Y/N. I know you still love me. I know you do," his voice defeated, barely above a whisper but he feels the need to convince her one last time. "What we have is real. We will fix everything. We will. So I will wait for you to come back,"

"Yoongi. Dont do-"

"No. I will wait. I will leave the hall light open for you. Just the way you like it. Your book is still on the coffee table, I never touched it because you dont like when I do that. Your flowers by the window are still blooming because I watered them everyday. I know how upset you will be if they died. Your clothes are still in the closet. And our room... our room still smell like you Y/N. I didnt sleep on your side of the bed. Okay maybe once but that's only because I missed you too much. But everything is just waiting for you to come back Y/N," he rambled on like a mad man, not giving a chance for Y/N to cut him off.

"Everything is still the same. Everything is just like you are still here. So come back. Come back to me. I'll be here waiting for you, smiling when you open the door. We dont even have to talk about this. We can just pretend like you never left. Just as long as you come back. Okay baby?"

"Yoongi..." Y/N whispered his name, he can hear the sobbing on the other line, harder than any other days and he felt his heart clenched. Something is not right. He feels like he is losing her all over again.

"Its not going to happen Yoongi  I wont come back. I do love you. I love you so much Min Yoongi, but dont wait up for me. Because I wont ever come back to you. I'm... I'm so sorry,"

"Y/N..."

She has already hung up the phone.

Now they say I'm wasting my time 'Cause you're never comin' home But they used to say the world was flat But how wrong was that now?

"Its been a month since your last phone call Yoongs. How long are you going to mope around?" Hoseok looks at his friend worriedly.

"Why dont you come back and stay at the dorm with us? I miss my roommate," Jin tried to persuade the moping Yoongi back. Truth is, they are worried. They knew the break up has left a big impact on him but he didnt seem this... weak before. Yoongi even look a little cheerful the past weeks and suddenly bam, he turned into a living zombie.

"No. I have to be here. She might come home," he shakes his head and slumped back on the couch, covering himself with the blanket.

"Yoongs... its been months. I dont thinks she's coming,"

"She will hyung. I just know it. We have been talking for the past weeks..." his voice trailed off, sadness suddenly engulfing him. So Yoongi and Y/N has been talking. Is that why he seems happier the past weeks? But what happened suddenly to turned him into this breathing lump of a man? Jin thought to himself as he observed the man wrapped in a blanket burrito in front of him.

"You two talked? Thats great! Then what happened?" Jin carefully tried to dig deeper into what could actually happened.

"She said she wont ever come back to me...," Yoongi's soft voice muffled by the blanket but loud enough for the two to hear, making them exchanged looks. "I know she said that a million times, but there's something different in her voice this time... and I think... I think Y/N really mean it," he peeks from the blanket and the two males can see how glossy his eyes are from unshed tears.

"Oh Yoongs..." Hoseok immediately lurged forward and gave him a tight hug. Jin stood up and sat on the other end of the couch, his hands patting Yoongi's legs.

"Then... why dont you come with us? Maybe just for a little while? The other boys miss you too you know. We dont want you to be sad alone Yoongi. Y/N might never come back for real," the eldest man whispered carefully, hoping it wont trigger Yoongi into extreme rage. He knows his words hurt but someone has to tell the truth to this hear broken man.

Yoongi only weakly shakes his head as a sign of rejecting the offer. "As good as that sounds hyung, no. I will stay here. This is our home. She will come back. Later if not sooner. And I need to be here when she does,"

"Yoongi..." Jin sighed.

"Im sure of it,"

"What if you are wrong? How long are you going to torture yourself like this?"

"But what if you two are the one who are wrong and she did come back to see that I didnt wait for her? You might say that Y/N wont come back, but people also used to say that the earth is flat and ended up wrong anyway. So who's to know which one of us is wrong or right?"

Both Jin and Hoseok sighed. There is no point in talking some sense into Yoongi right now. There is nothing they can do other than wait and hope that he will get a grip of reality.

"Okay Yoongi. If that's what you want then, we wont force you,"

"But one of us will come often to check on you okay?" Hoseok flashed him a worried look.

"Yeah. Whatever," was the only mumble they heard before Yoongi pulls the blanket to cover his face again.

But even if wishing is a waste of time Even if I never cross your mind

Yoongi crumpled another piece of paper and threw it to the corner of the living room, making it join the stack of paper that shared the same fate.

He tried his best to get over her. To not think about her. Its been more than a month now. Maybe she really isnt coming back. Maybe waiting and hoping is really just a waste of time and another way to hurt his already broken heart. Maybe Y/N has really move on and didnt even think about him at all. He tried to pour all his emotions in a new song but nothing seems to work. Everything he wrote doesnt seem to work. He kept crumpling paper after paper in frustration and finally giving up and lay flat on the cold floor.

I miss you Y/N. What are you doing right now? Are you happy? Did you find somebody new already? Someone who loves you right?

A soft knock reached his ears and he groaned out. True to their promisse, one of the boys would come everyday to check on his condition. Mostly trying to see if he is still breathing or not. But Yoongi usually doesnt mind since they will bring him food and gives him some company.

But not today.

Today he just wants to be alone and mope. He wants to be alone and think about his stupid mistakes. To think about the ways he could have fix his relationship before everything gone down to shit.

Today he just wants to sit and think about Y/N.

"Go away," Yoongi yelled half heartedly towards the continuous knocking on the door. He is drained of all energy as he laid down flat on the cold living room floor. But the soft knocking still continues, making him extremely annoyed now.

"Go away Hobi. I know its you. I'm fine. I'm still alive okay! I dont wanna see you. I dont wanna see anybody today. Can you jist leave me alone? Whoever you are?!" he yelled again with all the strength he has left, thinking it might be one of the other boys and not Hoseok who came today, but the knocking still wont stop. With trails of dry tears all over his face, swollen eyes and disheveled hair, he peels himself off the cold floor and make the short distance to the door.

With an angry forced he swing open the door, ready to bite off whoever's head that is standing there.

"Hobi, I said-" Yoongi stop midtrack as he stares at the tear strained face looking back at him. Tears are rolling down her cheeks but a smile still graced her lips as her body shakes to control her cries. This is definitely not his smiling best friend.

Yoongi blinked, hoping he is not dreaming as the beautiful face that he has been imagining in his dreams all these months stares back at him with wide eyes.

"I-"

"Hi... sugarplum. You were right... Your love... it brought me back to you,"

And it will be just like you were never gone

[widowtracer-week]

Gift for Overlookingtheworld

secret santa for @overlookingtheworld (hey ! i really really hope you’ll like it, i tried to follow your wishlist the best i could, so i hope it didnt get too explicit. anyway, i hope that you enjoy it and that you’ll spend a beautiful christmas eve/day, also i’m sorry if there are any mistakes english isnt my first language. merry christmas !)

Her feet were barely touching the ground as she zipped through the night, panting, leaving nothing but a blue trail behind her. Blood was dripping down her chin, she brushed the back of her hand against her cheek as she turned around, making sure he wasn’t following her. “Fuck”, she tripped, landing on the thick layer of snow covering the streets in this cold December night. 

She knew she should’ve stayed home, she knew it, and still. Somehow she’d thought it was a good idea. After all, it was Christmas Eve, they wouldn’t expect her there. She’d planned everything : all she had to do is to find a way into Talon’s lair, sneak into Sombra’s quarters and look for any kind of information she could gather without alerting the hacker. Well, the last part was probably the trickiest one but she figured since they wouldn’t be here anyway, it would give her some time to find a way to get at least something. And maybe she could even take a look at their quarters, that’d be enough information already. All she had to do was to be careful, and avoid their cameras and sensors, but she already had an idea of their whereabouts, so she wasn’t that worried about getting caught. Plus, it’s not like she had better stuff to do tonight. 

She loved everything about Christmas : the pine tree filling the living room with its very distinct smell, the lights and baubles hanging down its branches, the whole town being slowly covered in snow, the music, the food, everything. But mostly, she loved how it could bring so many people together. As if life had been paused. And god knew she needed it, more than anyone else - breakdown after breakdown, she felt like nothing could prevent her from falling apart once again, if it wasn’t for Christmas. They had everything planned out, they’d spend the evening together at their quarters, Angela and Fareeha would cook for them, and she’d decorate the tree with Hana and Lucio. Then they’d sit in the living room and open their presents, celebrate together, enjoy this one night where they could simply rest, without having to worry about tomorrow. 

And maybe she could even sneak out for a moment, just to meet with her. Nobody would notice. They’d have just this moment together. 

She didnt ask for much, and still, even this one night she couldnt have. 

Talon attacked their headquarters a few days ago, and they werent ready to withstand another push. They didnt last long, and although Talon didnt manage to pass through their forces, they managed to damage them deeply enough for them to draw back. Many had been injured and, obviously, Christmas Eve had been cancelled, most of them needing more than a few days of rest to get back on feet. 

Yet, Lena hadn’t been touched a single time. How come ? Just to think about it made her hate herself even more, and that was probably the reason why she decided to invade Talon’s lair, all on her own, on December 24th. That day, something had kept her from fighting alongside her friends, and that something was the reason why they lost. 

Her hands were buried in the snow, she was sitting there, on the ground, staring at the bloody stains she left after falling. All she could see was a pair of eyes, golden, piercing through the night, through her mind, she shook her head. She couldnt let her distract her again. 

Sneaking into their headquarters wasnt easy, but it wasn’t something Lena “Tracer” Oxton couldn’t do. Once she had found her way into what seemed to be Sombra’s quarters, she’d started looking around for whatever she could find that’d help her and her friends put an end to Talon, once and for all. Obviously, she didnt find anything, which she should’ve expected, knowing the hacker. It was hard for her to admit that the sole reason of her presence here tonight was the fact that she felt guilty for what happened to her team, and she somehow thought that coming to this place and trying to take down the whole Talon organization on her own would be a good idea, and maybe it would work. 

But god knows it was the stupidest idea she’d ever had. 

She realized that the moment she heard his voice. “You’re gonna regret this.” She turned around, seeing nothing but a tall shadow standing in the doorway, and before the thought of running away hit her mind, he pulled his shotguns out and shot her in the shoulder.

And thats how she ended up here, lying on the cold ground, panting, tears slowly streaming down her face as she was trying to recollect herself. She never should’ve gone there on her own, she didnt even know what she was expecting from this. When her friends will learn what she tried to do tonight, they’ll most definitely be the ones to kill her, if Gabriel didn’t already finish the job until then. Thats why she stood up, stumbling around for a second before she started to run again, until she got a sight of the right building, which made her let out a relieved sigh. She slowed down, knowing he wouldn’t have followed her that far anyway, and she entered the building, climbing the stairs until she got to the 6th floor. Lena opened the door, a mixture of sweat, blood and melted snow dripping down her face as she entered her apartment. She took a second to close the door, locking it, before she let herself fall against the dark wood, slowly gliding to the ground, grunting from the pain. 

“Qu’est ce que-…” 

Lena jumped, flicking her head in the direction of the voice. She was there. Standing in front of the patio door, her long, dark hair framing the face she was so scared to see again. She was used to those golden eyes, piercing through her every single time she looked at her - this time, it was different. There was nothing piercing to her gaze, actually, it almost showed something like… concern. 

“Chérie what happened to you ?” It looked like she didnt dare to move. 

“Fuck off… I dont want you here.” she mumbled, lowering her glance, knowing that those golden eyes would make her change her mind if they just as much as stared at her the right way. Silence filled the room, heavy on her shoulders. 

“Those are some very rude words coming out of such a sweet mouth.” She barely heard her approaching, Amélie was just like a cat ; she moved gracefully, her footsteps were light on the wooden ground, her tall silhouette was ripping through the banality of her corridor. 

“Please, just- just get out, alright ? I’m not in the mood to play.” she sighed, grimacing as she tried to stand up. She could feel her heart race both in her chest and her open shoulder, it almost hurt, and she could feel how the world around her started to get dizzy. 

“Je ne suis pas là pour jouer ce soir, chérie” she heard, before her vision started to become blurry, her eyes slowly shutting down, and her head hitting the door once again. The last thing she saw was the silhouette she loved so much growing closer to her, kneeling down next to her bruised self, and only her eyes were glowing that night. 

////////

Amélie and her had this little… game, they loved to play. Nobody knew about it, and nobody would ever know about it, for it was their little secret. Something they shared for quite a while now, and although it was so wrong for them to do that, it was one of the very few moments were everything just… felt right. Talon’s elite sniper was also Talon’s eyes, going from town to town, watching them, following them, when they think nothing can get to them. She spent enough time watching every Overwatch agent, one after the other, through their every day life, and mostly, following them to their places, taking notes of everything that could be important and help them to bring this sickening organization down, once and for all. She did it with Angela, Lucio, Hana, 76, even Reinhardt (it was probably one of the most boring moments in her life, the old man just sat down on his couch and watched those stupid games only elderly people watched on their TV, and most of the time he’d just fall asleep during the first ad break). Then, she started watching Lena. Something about her pattern intrigued the french agent, every day was different, unlike everyone else, she couldnt put a finger on her habits, for she didnt have any. At least, that was what she thought. In reality, Lena had noticed from the very beginning that she was being watched, and used the Widow’s confidence to get around her and find her hiding spots. Until one day, where she confronted her. They fought, and fought, and fought, yet, bullets barely touched their moving bodies, as if they were dancing past each other. And then, it became an habit. Their meetings, their fights. Somehow, both of them needed that, as if they were enjoying every second of it, which they were. None of them knew exactly what brought them together, maybe they were just clinging onto old memories, maybe they were trying to forget them, but still, they met, every other night, on that same roof top, and fought. Some people get to know each other over some coffee, and them ? They fought, danced through the night, and left each other with the biggest smile spread onto their faces. One day, though, a too-well placed shot hit Lena right in the leg, leaving her vulnerable to the enemy sniper. She knew it was just a matter of time before she’d take advantage of the situation to get rid of one of Overwatch’s most efficient troublemaker. After all, the Amélie she once knew was no longer here, replaced by this emotionless silhouette she couldn’t help but admire. Her cold gaze was piercing right through her as she saw her raise the murderous weapon, scope in, Lena closed her eyes and thought to herself, maybe she’ll wake up, maybe none of this ever happened and she was still fighting the demons inside her head, pushing her to think that somewhere inside the Widow’s body, there was still a heart. She heard the shot, her ears were buzzing loudly and she collapsed, pain taking over her body, or at least that was what she thought. As she opened her eyes, she saw her come closer, holding out her hand. 

To this day she still didnt know why Amélie didnt kill her, why she decided to save her instead, bringing her back to her place and taking care of the wound she had left on her leg. After that, she came by every other day, after midnight, to check on her ; changing her bandaid, bringing her some food, taking care of her, everything the old Amélie would do. Lena did all the talking, trying to find out what she was doing here, why she didnt shoot, what pushed her to do the right thing, but she never got any answer out of the woman, instead, she’d just nod, and say a few words in french Lena didnt manage to grasp. After her condition improved, Amélie’s visits slowly decreased in number, but she still passed by once in a while, just to listen to the girl while she talked about her day. Somehow, with everything that had happened between them, Lena felt like she could trust her. After all, she could’ve killed her that day, and still, she didnt. She wouldnt call it a bond, or maybe she did - there was definitely something odd about them but she figured, as long as it went like this, she‘d enjoy every single moment. 

On the battlefield, she usually heard a distinct shot, which wouldn’t touch anybody - instead, it was like a signal, and she took advantage of the mess created by the fight to sneak around the enemy frontlines, to find her way to the snipers spot. Nobody knew about the little game both of them liked to play, they teased each other without giving too much of themselves away, and it was fine like that. It lasted a while, until a few days ago ; they were on their rooftop, again, Lena was sitting on the very edge of the building, staring at the orange sky, and the sun disappearing behind the stone jungle in front of her. Amélie was resting against the wall, behind her. They did this a lot, they didnt talk, they just stared at the sky, and it was already enough. “I’ll never get tired of this, y’know” she whispered. At this exact moment, Overwatch’s headquarters were being attacked by Talon’s members, and Lena wasn’t there to defend it. 

It was the last time they saw each other ever since. 

////////

“Chérie, tu devrais faire plus attention à toi” was the first thing she heard when she woke up. She felt the soft mattress of her bed under her body, and even softer fingers brushing against her forehead, making her shiver. Her skull still hurt, and so did her shoulder, but she noticed how she couldnt move that well, and felt the bandages on her skin. Frowning, she opened her eyes, meeting with this golden gaze she feared so much. If she didnt know any better, she’d probably think it was concern that shined in her eyes.

“What are you still doing here ? I told you to leave.” she mumbled, trying to sit up but her entire body started to scream at her in pain, and Amélie softly pushed her back into the many pillows displayed on her bed. 

“What were you thinking ?” there wasn’t a hint of anger in her voice, instead, it felt like she was genuinely concerned. 

“I dont know. I had to do something.” Lena sighed, closing her eyes again, not wanting to get another glance of the Widow’s face.

“No you didn’t. You were just being stupid.” She had always loved the accent she had when she was speaking, it made every word sound much softer, which made her even more dangerous than she already was. But this time, it was different. 

“I know what you’re thinking, Lena. You wouldn’t have made a difference, believe me.” 

She opened her eyes again, shaken by the sudden anger that filled her mind after those words hit her ears. 

“Are you fucking kidding me ?! What is wrong with you ? Of course i would’ve made a difference, we lost because of me !” 

Amélie shook her head, leaning back, her hands resting on her lap. 

“You are being stupid, ma chérie. Don’t underestimate Talon, they would’ve hurt you if you’d been there. You should thank me.” 

Suddenly, silence filled the room. It felt like it lasted an eternity, before she finally gathered the strength to sit up, grimacing from the pain, before she looked her straight in the eyes. 

“You knew. You knew, didn’t you ?” 

Again, silence. They stared at each other, both of them were waiting for the other to break the silence.

She finally nodded. 

“You… Why did you do that ? I… I could’ve been there, i could’ve helped them..!” Slowly the realization hit her, she didnt know if it was the pain, or the fact that she had been tricked by the one person she really trusted, but tears started to stream down her face, dripping down her chin, wetting her sheets. 

“It is not what it looks like. You don’t understand.” 

Lena shook her head, brushing her hands against her cheeks. 

“Then what is it ?! What is it, tell me !” 

Another silence. 

“TELL ME!”

Amélie stood up, without a word, and left the room, closing the bedroom door behind her. 

She couldnt believe it. 

“I trusted you !” she tried to shout, but her voice barely filled the room, and she was left there, wondering. How stupid could she be ? Seconds passed, it felt like hours, she stayed there, sitting on her bed, her mind suddenly as empty as her bedroom, she barely reacted when the door opened again. Amélie walked in, holding the door open. 

“Please. Just come.” 

She knew she shouldn’t follow her, she knew she shouldn’t trust her, but her bruised body still managed to get out of bed, slowly walking forward, using the wall as a support. The tall woman reached out and grabbed her hand, helping her as much as she could, gently holding her so she wouldn’t lose her balance. As she walked into the living room, Lena’s eyes started watering. She didnt recognize her apartment  anymore ; next to the tv was a small pine tree, bloody red baubles hanging down its branches, decorated with tinsels and little light bubbles. She could barely hear the soft music in the background, there was a box sitting on the small table in front of the couch, wrapped in a beautiful red paper, snowflakes shining on it. She just stood there, in awe, unable to say anything. 

“Come.” she heard, and Amélie pulled on her hand, bringing her to the couch, making her sit down before taking a place next to her. Her cold hands were still wrapped around hers, and she was glancing at her someway she never did before. 

“Yes, i knew. I didn’t want you to get hurt so i kept you with me.“ 

Before she managed to say something, Amélie continued. 

“I know this… Christmas party was important to you. I’m sorry.” She knew she wasn’t really sorry about what happened to her friends, after all, they had always been enemies, she probably celebrated their victory later on that day. But still, something about her was so different tonight, she couldn’t help but think that all of this was sincere. 

“You have every right to be mad at me. I understand. But keep in mind that i did it to protect you.” 

She finally gathered the courage to answer. 

“Why would you even do that ?” 

Amélie stared at her for what felt like an eternity, before she grew closer to the girl, her grip slightly tightening on her hands as their lips met in what seemed to be the most cruel, and beautiful kiss she could ever dream of. She hated how much she enjoyed it, how every inch of anger had immediately been replaced by nothing but this soothing feeling tightening her chest. Her cheeks were burning as their lips finally parted, she tried to remain calm but her heavy breath betrayed her. 

“You can’t do that…” she whispered, but Amélie’s fingers met with her cheeks, brushing softly against her skin before she slowly pulled her back into another kiss, much softer this time. As they parted again, Lena tried to say something but she cut her off. 

“S’il te plait. Fais moi confiance.” 

She didn’t know what she just said, but she suddenly stopped caring, and as leaned forward to kiss her again, it was almost as if she couldn’t feel the pain in her shoulder anymore, as if she finally found the bandaid she needed. 

“Let me make it up to you.” she felt her cold breath against her lips as she spoke, hypnotized, she tried to be mad but she wasn’t, she couldn’t. Instead, she felt how her heart was racing inside her chest, almost as if it was trying to free itself from its ribcage, trying to meet with hers. She nodded, leaning into another kiss, before Amélie pulled back, wearing a very subtle smile. 

“Here.” 

Lena frowned, reaching for the gift she was handing her, wondering. 

“I… I dont know, wh-“

“Just open it.”

She waited a second, hesitating, before carefully ripping the paper off, revealing a simple white box. She opened it, and her eyes started watering again. 

“You…”

////////

She remembered it. It was years ago, they were sitting there, at a table inside of Gérard’s little castle, Amélie was looking through some magazines while talking to Lena about french fashion. “We french ladies know how to dress. We have the best ‘couturiers’ in the world, believe me.” They used to hang out a lot, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. She loved spending time with Amélie, simply hearing her brag about french fashion was enough to make her happy. She leaned over to look at the magazine she was holding, suddenly shouting. “Oh my god !” She pointed at a jacket, aviator style, made of brown leather and wool, eyes shining in excitement. “That’s the jacket I’ve always wanted !” Amélie just laughed. “See ? French fashion is the best. Maybe you’ll get it for Christmas, who knows ?” 

A few months later, Amélie shot her husband right in the head.

They never made it to Christmas. 

////////

She took the jacket out of the box, her fingers gliding across the soft leather. She remembered. 

“Joyeux Noël, chérie.” 

“Je t’aime”

[pacman-tattoo]

connect [rich g. x fem!reader x jake d.]

( Can you do a Poly Rich x Fem Reader x Jake fic? Preferably where the reader is a big geek and likes to cosplay. (Probably met when reader was doing the costumes for the play)  )

ok but i love this

ok this also went from ‘big geek who likes to cosplay’ to ‘geek, likes to cosplay, does costumes for drama dept. and knows shit about theatre’ because i couldnt resist tbh

this is 10,000 words. brb gonna go die

pls dont expect this from me since this was just something that i got rly rly into writing and got rly carried away

warnings: uhhh none that i can think of other than general language but let me know if im forgetting stuff

        Alright. You could do this. All you had to do was come up with costumes, take measurements, make everything by yourself, and have everything ready in time for dress rehearsal to begin - along with keeping up with schoolwork, going to Hobby Lobby (which, thank fuck you were getting a huge discount for, because otherwise you’d basically be destroying your own shit in order to make anything) to get everything you needed,  and basically do everything your average person needs to survive. So basically, you were ready to die a bit more inside and start multitasking - and lose sleep, but that was normal. What wasn’t normal was the show you were doing costumes for. When Mr.Reyes mentioned doing Midsummer, you imagined you’d be spending your nights sewing costumes for fairies - not... zombies. But you forced a grin and told him you’d do your best, and clutched your sketchbook to your chest, the paper with the cast list and roles jammed in, and the script for the play sandwiched between binders in your bag.

        This was fine. You’d go and watch one of their rehearsals to get an idea of how long everyone would have between costume changes, and Mr.Reyes would be speaking his vision to you as you would hastily scribble notes down, basically becoming a bobble-head as you tried to take into account everything. You’d start doing homework during classes, read online for whatever book and bullshit your way through any quizzes. Maybe you could copy some (or almost all) answers off of Christine if she’d let you. Then eventually you’d start spending your last class taking a nap with Christine in the drama room while the rest of the class did whatever - or working on whatever schoolwork you could if you weren’t tired.

        The things you did for costume design.

        Christine was the first person you measured. She’d been through this numerous times before, telling you her height and weight happily and smiling at you. Her smile fell at one point as you were measuring her chest.

       “You might want to be careful, [y/n],” she said softly, “I mean, I don’t mean to be rude but...” She glanced over to where the rest of the cast sat, chatting among themselves. “I don’t think they know how this works?”

       “You don’t sound rude!” You chirped, “they’re new to drama, right?”

        She nodded. “I don’t mean to sound mean or anything - I just thought I should warn you that someone might take offense to you asking their weight? Sorry, I know that sounds kinda weird-”

       “Nah, it’s cool, Christine,” you shrugged, “I’ll explain that this is just for me to know and that this won’t be shared with anyone else. Thanks for the heads-up, though.”

        Christine only smiled. After her, you had Jake Dillinger next on your list. He gave you the information you needed without question, and you took to measuring. After the awkward silence began to creep in between you, he finally spoke.

       “Do you do this a lot?”

        You hummed as you looked up. “Measuring people?”

       “Yeah!” He smiled, “like... costume stuff.”

        You nodded. “It’s kind of my passion.”

        Jake smiled at you. God, you knew how many people would kill to have Jake Dillinger even look their way - and here you were, tape measure around his waist without a second thought to it while you were fairly sure you had at least one pair of eyes on you. It didn’t click until half-way through measuring his inseam that some of these people probably have never seen anyone taking anyone’s measurements. 

        Well, this was going to be fun.

        Next was Rich Goranski. He raised a brow when you asked for his height and weight, but the moment you were about to launch into your ‘I need to know this because it’s legit important for costuming-” speech, he shrugged and told you. 

       “You do realize how this looks, right?” He said, slightly smirking while you slightly slapped at his leg. “What?”

       “Move your leg.”

       “What?” He repeated, before moving his foot slightly, “oh.”

       “How does this look, Rich?” You said, looking back up at him.

       “You don’t know?”

       “Enlighten me.”

        After a pause, he only frowned. “Never mind.”

        That’s what you thought.

        Jeremy was fine. He might have been somewhat awkward for a second, his eyes kept flickering from a spot on the wall to you as you measured anywhere below his waist, but he was quiet and didn’t ask questions and let you work - taking any instructions without hesitation. Brooke was similar, although much happier and barely hesitated to give you her weight and height. Heck, she actually complimented you on your dress at one point - something you’d made earlier in the year. Jenna was similar, although much chattier - which was definitely fine. You actually liked it, compared to how quiet everyone else had been while you’d taken their measurements.

        Then came Chloe. You’d known about her and Jake’s relationship in the past, so maybe that was why she’d been glaring at you the entire time you basically breathed around Jake. But she smiled.

       “Height and weight?”

        She hesitated. “Why?”

        You sighed. “This will stay between you and me - I just need it for costuming reasons.”

        Chloe clicked her tongue before answering your question. Barely half a second later, she spoke once more. “I saw Jake was talking to you.”

       “And so did Christine and Rich and Brooke and Jenna.” You shrugged, “look, Chloe, if you’re trying to say there was anything going on - there wasn’t. I took his measurements, he asked if I do this a lot, and I told him I did since costumes are my thing. Heck, we haven’t talked before today, so if you’re worried about anything between us-”

       “I’m not worried,” she snapped. “I just-” She frowned as she watched you fumble with the measuring tape, “I wouldn’t want you to get any ideas since Jake obviously has his eyes on someone else.”

        You finally looked up after straightening out the tape. “We’ve barely ever talked before. I’m not going to fall in love with him after one talk.”

        Chloe only stared at you for a moment, before letting you finish up your job. You shut the folder you kept, making sure all the papers were secure, shoving your measuring tape into your pocket, and snatching your bag from a chair. You thanked them for being patient, forcing your smile as you make a comment about how you’ll pick up supplies and get things done as soon as you can, only receiving a halfhearted response from everyone but Christine and Mr.Reyes, which managed to evoke something from both Jeremy and Jake, which in turn managed to get the rest of the cast to give you more than you’d expected.

        Well, that really showed you how fickle people could be. Not that you needed it - but still. You weren’t sure whether it was Jake or Jeremy that made them change their minds, but you left without thinking too much into it. 

        You had work to do.

        A week later and you’re already buried in your work. The contents of your room have practically been shoved into the closet as you invested all your time into each little detail in each costume. You spent your days either working on small details while in different classes, spray painting shoes during drama, or scribbling in answers to homework due the next period (or day, if you were lucky), courtesy of Christine. If you had a chance, you’d crash on the small, cheap couch in the drama room for a bit, and then you were back home and sewing and (rarely) burning your fingers on hot glue.

        It was hell, but it was worth it.

        The rustling of paper and plastic bags caught your attention, snapping your attention away from the warming glue gun, which wasn’t warming up fast enough for your liking. There stood Christine, admiring the different pieces of costumes that were strewn about - the bare bones of Brooke’s dress that still needed the bows fixed and lime green details, Christine’s own dress hanging on a hanger only needing tiny touch-ups, a shirt you found for Chloe that you had yet to touch, and one of Rich’s costumes already near completion.

       “Wow.”

       “Yeah.”

       “You need a break. C’mon,” she said, sitting on the edge your bed, “I brought food... and more hot glue sticks.”

       “Yes!” You smiled, hopping up. You shoved your backpack from it’s spot, sitting cross-legged as you took one of the Chipotle cups from her.

       Christine sat on your bed, unfolding the bag as she hands you your usual order. You thank her and almost immediately break into your food. Sometimes you wonder how you ended up with such a great friend, considering she lets you copy off her work without question during your sleepless weeks and memorized your order (not that you haven’t done the same, but still). Then again, ten years of friendship have made the two of you this close. Sleepovers and doing theatre together until high school - when you decided you didn’t like doing it as much - and movie nights where the two of you screamed at stupid horror movies or shifted uncomfortably at random sex scenes or jammed out to movie musicals; all built up your friendship over the years, even if there were a few fights from time to time. In the end, you two were closer than anyone else you two knew.

      “Jake asked me to come to his Halloween party on Friday,” she said as she opened the container containing her own order.

       “And?”

      “I think I might go.” She shrugged, “he’s so sweet, [y/n]. He suggested that we go as prince and princess.”

      “That’s cute,” you smiled, “do you still have that-”

      “Renaissance costume? Yeah,” she smiled, “it still fits! I mean, it was only a year ago, but still.”

      “Well... have fun, I guess,” you shrugged. She stared at you.

      “I was... actually going to take you with me? Jake said it’d be okay, and you’ve been pretty stressed about all the costumes, and I just thought you could use a night out-”

       You traced circles into the condensation forming on the cup, awkwardly taking a sip. You did have a costume, so it wasn’t like you weren’t prepared. Albeit it be based off of a video game character, it was still something. “People are gonna say I’m a geek.”

      “So? People know that I’m a theatre geek. Besides, if anyone says anything, at least you have the satisfaction that you made your costume yourself!”

       You eyed the pair of long-fall boots in the corner of your room, the portal gun you’d ordered resting against them. Maybe you’d at least ditch the portal gun for Halloween - you didn’t want to risk damaging it, considering the house would probably be full of drunk teenagers. You looked back to Christine.

      “I’ll go if we can have movie night on Saturday. Me, you, and a couple bags of discount Halloween candy,” you brushed a lock of hair behind your ear. 

       “No horror movies,” she said. You frowned.

      “Fiiine. No Singing in the Rain.”

       She was taken aback, “but [y/n]-” She paused, “actually, I have something better. I’ll pick you up.”

       The backyard was the quietest place, for some strange reason. The music wasn’t threatening to knock pictures and paintings off of the walls, there wasn’t the blazing heat of a hundred teenager bodies - quite the opposite, in fact, and you were wishing you brought some sort of jacket - and the lighting was dim. Sure, it wasn’t dead silent - people littering the porch and lounging around the pool (or, if they didn’t care enough, they stripped down to next to nothing and jumped into the icy water before letting out a scream at how fucking cold it is), but it wasn’t too much. You sat in a porch swing, hugging a pillow and swaying back and forth as you wondered where Christine was. Maybe you’d convince her to leave a bit earlier than the two of you had planned, and you’d crash in her bed since fuck the couch, the couch is always cold. 

        The swing suddenly jerked back, sending you immediately gripping onto the back and arm. When you turned to confront the fuck that decided to throw themselves into the spot next to you, you were met with the familiar face of a certain boy who asked you if you realized how ‘this’ looked when you measured him. He sort of grinned at you, as you sink back into your spot, clutching the pillow closer to your chest. Just what you needed: Rich Goranski.

        “Y’know, I didn’t expect to see you here,” he began suddenly, not caring to greet you, “but Christine n’ Jake both mentioned you were around here somewhere, so...”

        “I’m taking a break.” You ran your thumb over the corner of the pillow. “From costumes,” you added on, “Christine’s making me.”

        He nodded and smiled again. “Good. You deserve to let loose sometimes.” He paused, “who are you?” You looked at him, before he just gestured toward your body.

        You glanced down to your costume. “Just a video game character.”

        He didn’t respond at first, but the moment your attention drifted back to the pillow, he spoke. “That’s cool. I’m Jason,” he said, “from the movies? Friday the 13th?” The mask gleamed in the low light from overhead, and you could barely see the red streak peeking out slightly from underneath it, boldly standing out against golden brown.

        You sort of smile. “I know. I like horror movies.”

        “You do?” He sounded genuinely surprised. You didn’t blame him, honestly - especially with the reaction you had earlier when all he really did was sit next to you.

        “Yeah. I mean, I get fucking terrified, but they’re still good.”

        He chuckled a little, reaching up and pushing at the edge of the slipping mask, poising it back at the top of his head, “you wanna grab a drink?”

        “I’m fine.”

        Rich pressed his lips together, obviously not expecting you to reject his offer. He pushed back slightly, basically swaying the swing back and forth slowly. “You do costume shit often?”

        You had to admit - you weren’t fond of his word choice. But you shouldered your thoughts, squirming uncomfortably against the wood, “yeah. Kind of my passion.” You nearly decided against it, but you were already speaking, “I made this,” you gestured slightly toward your outfit. “And the boots, too,” you tapped your fingers against the metal curving out of the back.

        He didn’t speak, just staring. “Can I?” He reached out a hand. You slowly nod.

        You barely knew Rich Goranski - at least, personally. He sprung up during sophomore year and was Jake’s friend, and has slept with numerous girls if the rumors surrounding him were anything to go by. Plenty of people didn’t catch his attention - you and Christine were never the object of his eye, as were many of your friends - but the ones that did seemed to be the popular, gorgeous girls that seemed fawned about by everyone. You heard about how he was one of those guys who’s focus was basically getting into girls’ pants and to watch out because his fingers like to roam or some bullshit.

        But here he sat, right next to you, tracing over the detail of your boots. His attention didn’t wander to your thighs or chest or anything, and a smile tugged at the corners of your lips as he let out the softest gasp at the metal curve of the brace of the boots. Rich seemed genuinely interested, soaking in every part of what would be a complete cosplay if you had your portal gun - and heck, you kind of regret not bringing it if your boots were enough to stun him. For a moment, the cool Rich Goranski who makes stupid sexual comments faded away. For a moment, you saw someone else.

       And within a moment, his hand jerked back and he was gone. He leaned back, gave you a half of a grin, and eased back into his usual cocky, too cool for this shit persona. “I’ll, uh, see you later,” he stood, the swing drawing back a little too quickly.

        The swing threw itself forward, and you nearly fell out if it weren’t for Rich, quickly catching you by the shoulders, his fingers warm against your bare skin. He chuckled softly, tracing circles in your skin with his thumb.

        “You alright?” He said softly. You dumbly nodded, movements slow as you leaned back. He smiled again, and for a split second, you swore you saw the fainted, thinnest pattern of a circuit creep onto his features, etched out across his freckled cheeks ever so faintly. “Good. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to someone as cute as you.”

        His touch lingered a few seconds more before he stepped away, making another comment about how he’ll see you later. The warmth of his touch seemed to haunt your skin, the circles he traced feeling as if it had been tattooed there, just as a reminder that that was real and Rich had just been talking to you. You dismissed the thoughts quickly, standing slowly and stretching, bones popping softly. You’d find Christine and see if you two could leave. Passing out in Christine’s room sounded amazing, and the promise of sleep sounded like it might be able to wash off the ghost of a touch.

        You eventually found her on the couch, talking to some kid in a cyborg costume - Jeremy? You remembered his face and his body too well, honestly, but his name seemed to slip your mind - albeit it looked more like he just wore a onesie to the party as a last minute option. You couldn’t really judge - he seemed happy. Whether it be from the fact he was talking to Christine, because who wouldn’t be happy talking to Christine, or because he was at this party or because whatever, you couldn’t be sure.

        “Hey, [y/n]!” She smiled, “you remember Jeremy, right?”

        Awkward kid that kept getting nervous when measured below the belt. “Yeah. Hi,” you said, sinking into the spot next to Christine, waving at Jeremy. He sort of awkwardly smiles - that sort of smile that’s just oozing with damn it her friend is here. The sort of shit you often saw in movies.

        “Anyway, you were saying?” Christine said, looking back to Jeremy.

        He stared, looking from her to you before deciding on whatever he was about to say. “I was wondering if, uh, you wanted to go out with me?”

        Oh shit, he actually went for it. You looked to Christine, before snagging the keys out of your pocket after seeing how tense she had immediately grown. You whispered, “I’ll go get the car. Meet you in five.” And left the living room as quickly as you could.

        Thirty minutes later and you’re almost to Christine’s house, listening to her ramble about how Jeremy used to be kind of a sweetheart in the past - he didn’t really talk to her, but he was “kind of adorkable” whenever she saw him. Awkward, but adorkable. And now he’s changed and he’s changed from a dork to a dick sometimes, being one of the popular boys who hangs out with Rich and Jake. 

        You ditched your boots in the car, following her into her house, listening to her now talk about the shit that Jake pulled and how she dumped him after seeing that he wasn’t over Chloe. Within the next few thirty, you had showered and had donned the comfiest of pajamas and crawled into bed next to Christine.

        When you woke up, she was crying.

       “It’s Jake.”

        buzz

       “They’re saying Rich burned down his house-”

        buzz

       “Jake had to jump out of a window-”

        buzz

        buzz

        “[y/n]-”

        You took her phone, it buzzing to life endlessly against your palm. Rumors were flying, blocked by your palm “hey, c’mon. Halloween candy, movie day. Singin’ In the Rain. Alright?”

        Her arms were wrapped around you within seconds, her face hot with tears and buried in your neck. “... Yeah. Alright.” She felt your arms wrap around her, and you peek at her screen. Numbers she didn’t know, numbers you’d never recognize, kept spitting rapid-fire across the screen. 

       You shut off her phone. Sure, none of it was directed toward her, but jesus it was a lot to take in - especially because you knew where Christine’s mind was, even if it wasn’t an active thought. There went multiple roles - roles she and Mr.Reyes probably couldn’t handle alone. You traced circles in the thin fabric of her shirt.

        “Everything will be alright.”

       click click click

      “He-ey, [y/n]!”

       click click click

       Was it rude to speed up when the other person was on crutches? Well... at least you had somewhat of a reason. You were Christine’s friend, and you still weren’t completely sure how she felt about him - so you’d play it safe and avoid him as best as you can. But you slowed eventually, turning to face him, smiling a little.

       “Hey, Jake,” you said, awkwardly shoving your hands into the pockets of your dress, rocking slightly on your heels. “... How are you?”

        He doesn’t seemed phased by the fact you were kind of ignoring him, but smiles ever brighter now that you are talking to him. “I’m great!”

        For a second, you swore he didn’t even realize he broke both of his legs. “That’s good.” You sort of smiled, “where��s Chloe?” Fuck, why did you ask that-

       “I’m... not really sure. Probably with Brooke,” he said, “hey, have you finished any of my costumes?”

       “You’re still in the play?” You asked slowly, before he nodded.

       “Yeah! It’s been pretty great, and I can still do most of my stuff, so... why not?”

        You nodded slowly, “I’ll talk to Mr.Reyes about a costume parade tomorrow, since almost everything's done,” dear fuck, was that a lie, “and I’ll make any fixes necessary!”

        Jake nodded, still smiling. He had no idea what a costume parade was, did he? Whatever - he was smiling and he’d learn eventually.

        Time to buy as many energy drinks and stay up finishing every costume you could. Scratch that, finish every costume because you needed to. Would Christine probably get mad you were pushing yourself like that? Probably. Were you going to tell her? Nope. At least, not until after everything was done.

       “Tomorrow I won’t be here to help you all with costume changes.” You announced, standing next to a rack of costumes backstage, “so I ask that you all please be careful and to help each other if possible. Yes, you might miss a cue since this will be the first time,” you ignore the look Christine gave you, “but I will be here specifically to help with the quick changes after that. I’ve spent weeks making these costumes with quick changes in mind,” you plucked Jeremy’s reversible off of a hanger, “which is why I’ve kept most things simple and things that don’t need much help getting in and out of. For example, this-” you hold up the jacket- “is what’s called a reversible.”

        You slid your arms into it, it hanging slightly longer due to Jeremy being a bit of a string bean, “on one side, it looks like this. But,” you removed the article of clothing, flipping it inside out, “it becomes this when reversed. Hence the name: reversible.”

        At the lack of questions, you went on. “I assume you all have been informed of the costume parade? Basically, all you all will be doing is trying on your costumes and I’ll be discussing any changes that need to be made. Understood?” You barely had any reaction, before forcing another smile and continuing, “good! I’ll be sitting out in the audience, so just come line up at the front of the stage when you’re all in your first costumes.”

        At the lack of any protests, you were out n the audience, planted in a seat next to the kid who does lighting - Josh. He didn’t look up, eyes pinned to the phone in his hand as he switched from app to app, not really giving a shit. Eventually, after moments of dreadful silence, he looked over to yu and smiled a little.

       “Costume girl, right?” He said, and you realized the smile had been more of a smirk, as if he was planning something. You shrugged off the thought - he wouldn’t be that stupid, messing with any of your costumes... unless he had a death wish.

       “Yeah. Lighting boy, right?” You replied. If he wasn’t going to even ask your name, you wouldn’t use his.

        But he chuckled. “Yeah. Right.” He looked back to his phone. “So I hear you and Jake are... something.”

        What the fuck. “We aren’t? Where did you-”

       “I dunno. I don’t just ask a cute guy’s best friend shit about how to woo him when I like him,” he shrugged, “I get my friends to do that shit so that I don’t fuck it up halfway through saying his name.”

       “That doesn’t mean-”

        He cut you off, “plus, not naming any names, but a certain someone kept blabbing about how Jake never shuts up about you sometimes.”

        You rested your hands in your lap. How many times had you and Jake actually talked? Then again, how many times had he and Christine said a word to each other?

        Jake was cute - you couldn’t deny that. But... did you really know him? At all? The question weighed down on you - and to no one but Christine, it was obvious you were distracted as you made small comments about each costume. You all but completely skipped over Jake, dealing with the thought that he was talking about you proving to be more difficult that you first hoped. Soon enough, you packed up your shit and left, practically dashing to the school parking lot, jamming your key inside the car and throwing your shit into the passenger seat.

        Jesus, fuck, you needed to be alone. Just for the rest of the day. You had plans you had to take care of tomorrow.

        The hospital was quiet, the only noise being the soft bustle of nurses and family members or friends and such. Your steps felt like they were echoing around you, your bag hanging low on your back as you searched for Rich’s room. Eventually you find it, knocking softly first before slowly pushing the door open and slowly walking in. The lights were dim and you almost left, only to end up lingering for a moment. Was he asleep? Or... had he not woken up?

        The pale light of a cloudy morning flooded in the room, brushing over Rich’s features and causing the faintest glint of light to reflect onto the floor from one of the balloons. You felt like an intruder, standing in near silence as  Rich breathed, burn scars creeping slightly up his neck and into sight. How badly was he hurt? Hell, how did the fire even start? He was fine when he was talking to you, wasn’t he? Fuck if you knew. Part of you was glad that you and Christine had left earlier - but still rested the pit of dread in your that maybe you could have stopped this or something. Maybe you could have helped him, even if you weren’t sure how. The gentle, doe-like eyes that greeted you as he stared in wonder at your effort, your sleepless nights, your patience - all wrapped up in a pair of fancy cosplay boots. His eyes were burned into your memory.

        You should go. Maybe you could come back in a few hours and maybe Rich would be awake-

       “.... [y/n]?”

        It was broken through a yawn, but Rich had definitely called your name. You turned away from the door, and his eyes were on you, squinting as he tried to make out your features before he suddenly smiled at the sight of you. You sort of smile awkwardly, walking in but pausing a the light switch, reaching up only to be stopped by Rich.

       “Don’t. I... like it dark in here.”

        Whatever. His decision, right? Your hand fell back to your side slowly, and eventually you walked over to his bed. You hesitated to speak at first, but finally settled on the only question you could muster up, s you wrapped your fingers around the straps of your bad awkwardly. “... How have you been?”

        He frowned slightly. Oof. Probably not the best question to ask. He answered with a soft, “I’m here.”

       “A lot of people miss you,” you said, cautiously sitting at the foot of his bed, ready to move back up if necessary. He doesn’t say anything about it. “If anyone wanted to find your locker, they could. A lot of notes and shit are all over it,” you forced a smile. “It’s really sweet, honestly.”

        He doesn’t respond at first. Rich just sat there, eyes on you as he tried to think of something - anything - to say. Gone was that cocky, flirtatious exterior for a moment. He was unsure, trying to muster up any words. “What have they been saying about me?”

        Holy shit, Rich Goranski has a lisp. You sort of smiled at the thought - what a cutie. “Different shit. I... think there’s a couple people try to curve the rumors, but-”

       “Yeah. I get it.” He frowned.

       “Rich?” You were going to regret it, you knew it, but you couldn’t shake the desire to ask. “What happened?”

        He doesn’t answer again. 

        “The play’s going well,’ you said, breaking the silence.

        “Good. Is... Chirstine mad about-”

        You cut him off quickly, “no! Definitely not, dude. No one could be mad at you.”

       “What about Jake?”

       “Jake’s... Jake. He hasn’t been holding anything against you, honestly,” you said slowly.

       “How’s Jeremy?” He suddenly asks.

       “Jeremy? He’s... still Jeremy, I guess.”

       “Alright.” He paused, studying your face. How tired did you look? Fuck, you knew you should have put on something - just enough makeup to cover the bags under your eyes at least. “Have you been sleeping?”

        You tensed at the question. Maybe not as much as you should... Fuck, you downed a energy drink just an hour ago to give you the strength to live through Sunday and not sleep until five in the afternoon.

        Apparently, your silence was enough of an answer. “Go home and sleep,” he said softly, “I’ll still be here, i-if you want to come back-”

       “Yeah. I’ll be here the day after the show.” You stand, “we can talk more then, alright?”

        He nodded. He wanted to say something, but he left the words unsaid as you slowly leave the room. He looked over to the bear sitting on the table next to his bed, and frowned. “Fuck.”

        Jake missed one of his cues the first night you helped him. Could he help it? He had a cute girl helping him in and out of his costumes. He liked the way you’d gently smooth out a wrinkle in a shirt or the way you’d smile after making sure everything was right. Was it stupid that he thought about your fingertips running across his chest as you blindly found the edge of his jacket, and that the fact your arms were around him for barely a minute drove him crazy? Fuck, he wasn’t sure, but you were cute and it distracted him because you were so serious about this and he didn’t wanna mess up but how could he focus when he had a cutie like you hanging around him, specifically there for him. Everyone else was fine on their own for the most part - maybe you had to zip up Brooke’s dress and help Jenna at least once, but other than that, you were the center of his attention.

        Was it bad that he really liked that? Fuck if he knew.

        He was going to ask you out. Sbarro? Sbarro. Sbarro was a good option - who didn’t like pizza? He at least knew you did, considering one night Mr.Reyes ordered pizza for all of you before the second run through of the night. Then again, maybe Sbarro wasn’t a good idea then - you’d probably be tired of pizza. Maybe just the mall in general - he’ll try to pay for you if he can and maybe you two could just talk and maybe there wouldn’t be someone to steal the attention away with their performance art. 

        Did that sound needy? Fuck, it probably did. He’ll have to figure out how to ask you out. Hopefully Christine didn’t say anything to you - then again, she didn’t seem like the person to, and... she was oddly okay with him subtly bringing up the idea of dating you.

        "I can’t believe it,” you hissed softly, “I spent weeks making costumes - and now Jeremy doesn’t even fucking show up!”

        Jake frowned. You were pissed. 

       “I mean, Jake, you broke both of your legs and you’re here. I just... I don’t know,” you murmured. Your gaze fell to the floor, your arms crossed across your chest as you held back tears. You worked so fucking long and Jeremy just straight up blew off the entire play. Now Mr.Reyes had to make time to get through Rich’s changes, and Jeremy’s and-

        Jake’s hand was on your cheek. “Hey,” he cooed softly, “it’ll be alright. Jeremy will be here - he wouldn’t blow off something this important.”

        You looked up at him and he was blown away. God, you had beautiful eyes. “You think so?”

       “Yeah!” He smiled, slowly tearing his hand away from your cheek, gripping the handgrip tightly. He hesitated for once, unsure about the timing, but decided hes go for it. “Hey, [y/n]? I was wondering if maybe you’d-”

       “Jeremy!”

        The two of you looked up as Jeremy strolled in, usurping your attention away from him. He could tell it was taking everything to prevent yourself from marching over to him and chewing him out. Maybe he’d tell you after the show - give you time to calm down since you were practically burning, hatred oozing out of every pore. He watched as you stared, watching Jeremy talk to Christine, holding up something before watching her turn and walk away from him.

        “Places for scene two, people!”

        Jake left you standing alone, seething as you stared down Jeremy. If looks could kill… Jake left you after a few moments, hesitating slightly.

        You kept staring at Jeremy. Something was off. He seemed… anxious, uncertainty beginning to practically drip from every inch of him, his hands still clutching some pink shoe-box he had drawn out of his bag. What was wrong with him? He used to be different - acting cool and so sure, save for Halloween night. He moved, intending on running out on stage - something that’d ruin the show for sure - and before you could stop him, Mr.Reyes was already there, hand curled around his arm, fingers digging in and likely leaving bruises. He spat something in his face, only to push him back, exiting onto the stage.

        “[y/n]!” He said, voice shrill as he grabbed you by the shoulders. “You haven’t drank from that beaker, right?”

        You’re confused, staring him down. “Dude, that’s a prop - I’m not going to-”

        “Good! Fuck, I need you to go out there and take the beaker-”

        “Jeremy, that’d ruin the show for Christine, I can’t-”

        “No, you don’t understand-”

        “I’m sorry that some of us care about the show! Seriously, call time was an hour ago and you’re late-”

        “[y/n], I wouldn’t-”

        You were caught off guard by the sound of Brooke’s voice becoming rougher as she spoke her lines, filled with an newfound passion. You looked back to Jeremy. “What. Did. You. Do.”

        He tensed immediately, “I need you to get that beaker.”

        You nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”

        He tore away from you. You’d apologize to Christine later, as you crept into the shadows of the curtains, putting on the headset, hearing soft humming.

        “Josh?”

        He’s immediately quiet, “huhwhat-” and, you assume, scrambling to sit up. “What? You aren’t supposed to be on here-”

        “I need a blackout on stage.”

        “Uh… it’s not the end of the scene? I mean, I’d do it but I don’t have a death wish right now since my life’s been pretty baller-”

        “Fuck, Josh, I need-”        The door swung open, and in strolled some nerdy looking guy with glasses and a red hoodie, holding up a bottle of red soda. You nearly snapped at him if it weren’t for the relief that immediately washed over Jeremy. You grew silent as you watched the two talk, Josh questioning everything as you then watched Jeremy go near silent before beginning to attack his friend - Michael, you were pretty sure. You whipped off the headset, tossing it down as you went to try and stop him.

        “Jeremy! What the hell-” You managed to say, only to be met with the cold wooden floor seconds later.

        He had shoved you away, before he tearing himself away from Michael. “It’s taking over my body,” he said, “I need your help - I’m sorry!”

        Michael was immediately after him, managing to somewhat hold him down. He nearly spoke to you if it weren’t for the familiar click of Jake’s crutches - and maybe it was better than he ask Jake, considering how Jeremy flailed against Michael’s grasp and considering you probably wouldn’t have been able to do shit with Jeremy writhing like that.

        “Jake! This is gonna sound weird but -” he was cut off for a moment, tightening his grip around Jeremy’s wrist as he struggled, “if I hold down Jeremy, can you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?” He didn’t wait for an answer before tossing the bottle over to him, immediately returning to the task of keeping Jeremy down.

        Jake stared at the bottle, eyes catching a glimpse of you. He looked back to Michael, “actually… that doesn’t sound weird at all.”

        Pain overtook him, spiraling through his head as the bottle slipped from his grasp. His head hung low with his face scrunched in pain, before it suddenly evaporated from his features, and he looked up. He felt…

        Pretty fucking amazing, honestly.

        “Jake?” You said softly, standing as you stepped over. “Are you alright?”

        When he looked back up to you, you recognized everything. The familiar, faint circuit pattern you swore you had seen on Rich seemed to disappear within seconds. And he smiled at you, unnerving you completely as he reached up and gently brushed a strand of hair out of your face.

        “[y/n], I feel boss.” He didn’t stop smiling. Dear god. “No,” he said quickly, “I feel more than that. Here, watch-” He said, throwing down his crutches. You nearly scrambled to pick them up if it weren’t for Jake stopping you. “Don’t. I don’t need them anymore.”

        Jeremy piped up softly, staring at the phenomenon before him. “It… healed your legs?”

        Jake only chuckled softly, “no! But I can’t feel the pain anymore - it’s awesome!” He smiled, “you could be like this too, y’know. Painless,” he lowered his voice as he looked to you, “happy. [y/n], you could be pretty boss with-”

        “What’s wrong with me now?” You said, staring at him.

         He seemed at a loss for words for a second. “Nothing! But you could be more-”

        “Jake,” you tore away from him slightly, “I’m fine with the way I am. I don’t need,” you motioned toward his head, “whatever you have to change me.”

        He seemed rejected. The moment Brooke and Chloe walked in, however, you had stumbled into his arms, scared from the sudden appearance. He didn’t feel content, though. There you were, in his arms, warm underneath his touch, and he didn’t feel as good as he should feel. 

       The voice in his head snapped at him. Kiss her, was spat into his ear, or... get her the Mountain Dew yourself. She’ll be much happier if you-

       Then you were gone, out of his arms as you moved out of the way of everything - trying your best to avoid anything. Everything. You were fucking terrified and it showed in your eyes and in the way your arms were folded too tightly across your chest as you only took in everything that occurred before you. Michael had sprinted out after seeing the bottle resting at Jake’s feet, the pool of red soda hiding in the bottom. When the other four circled around him, you broke out of your spot, shoving past them.

        “Michael!” You had cried, arms ending up around him as the two of you fell back. When the group parted around you, you were awkwardly squished against him, both of you completely disheveled. You didn’t notice Jake’s eyes pinned to you, the voice in his head cooing it’s bullshit as it mocked him because look at her, she’s all over Mell - she probably likes Michael because Michael Mell is a loser who likes video games and Michael wasn’t like him-

         When Christine walked backstage, she was positively glowing. You went to say something, only to realize there was something so fucking wrong and that wasn’t Christine. She was too rehearsed - as if every step had been laid out in front of her, every motion planned down to the exact millisecond, her smile plastered onto her face as she approached Jeremy. She said something to him, and he just stared in awe. You balled your fists, Michael’s hoodie becoming crumpled in your hands. He reached up, fingers brushing over your arm.

        “[y/n], right?” He said softly, “look, fuck, I’m sorry-”

        You watched Christine lift the bottle to her lips, drinking. And then she screeched. One right after another - Chloe, then Brooke, then Jake, Mr.Reyes, then Jenna - and finally, Jeremy. And then they all collapsed around you, leaving you and Michael to cling to each other as you two let out a scream.

        Well. You two were fucked.

        A month later, your friend group had grown from just Christine and a couple other people to include not only Jake and Rich, but the rest of the play’s cast. Jeremy and Michael were giant nerds and you actually had plans to go to a con with them, them maybe also in cosplay if they could pull something together in time. The three of you spent the day sending endless selfies to the group chat of you all in last minute cosplays. At some point you fell asleep in the backseat of Michael’s car, and when you checked the group chat later, found a picture with “she slep” underneath it. You expected to see some sort of comments from anyone else, but only saw a “let her slep” from Christine. You shrugged it off.

        At least, you did until Rich was sitting at the end of your bed one day, watching you sew a dress for a Zelda cosplay you’d been planning for months. It was only in the bare bones stage, but he was entranced with your fluid motions. He was supposed to be focused on math homework, pestering you with questions over content if he needed it. Heck, that’s why he was there - you were going to tutor him unless he waved you off, telling you to work on your cosplay and he’ll ask questions if he needs it. But he ended up getting through two problems before he gave up, watching your face as you furrowed your brow, humming softly as you continued to work. Fuck, the amount of concentration you had was adorable.

        … Adorable? No. No, you weren’t adorable. Well, you were, but you and Rich were only friends. He liked Jake, didn’t he? Jake was cute and tall and kind of interested in him except neither of them made a move toward each other because… because.

        Because Jake was conflicted. Rich didn’t know it, and neither did you, honestly -  but Jake often sat between the two of you, his heart aflutter in his chest as he realized almost daily that he was absolutely smitten with the both of you. But he was convinced you didn’t like him - you liked Michael because Michael was kind of a dork and you were kind of a dork and why wouldn’t you like Michael? Michael didn’t try to convince you to change yourself. Michael didn’t try to convince you that you could be better if you took some… weird thing that caused a voice in his head - hell, he still wasn’t sure what happened that day. But he remembered what you told him, burning with anger as you recounted the shit he said to you only to realize that wasn’t him and profusely apologize. 

        Jake liked you. Jake liked Rich.

        Rich liked you. Rich liked Jake. 

        You liked Jake. You liked Rich.

        Fuck.

        And there you sat, Rich’s eyes practically burning a hole in your back as you worked, not knowing that you were busy shoving thoughts about how soft his hair looked sometimes and how you kind of wondered what it’d be like to kiss him out of mind. He didn’t know your fingers fumbled and that you sort of ended up nicking your skin - not terrible, but breaking the skin enough that there was a bead of blood as you hissed. You heard the clatter of Rich’s binder hitting the floor, breaking up as he’s beside you within seconds, taking your hand in his own.

        “I’m fine,” you mumbled, “sorry-”

        “Fuck, hold on- where are the band-aids?” He said. You stared at him, before softly chuckling.

        “I’ll be fine, Rich. It was just a little nick.”

        He stared at your finger, before his eyes met yours after a moment of hesitation, “you sure?”

        You couldn’t help but smile - was he worried about you? “I’ll be fine, dude. Unless you wanna kiss it and make it better or some shit,” you laughed softly.

        Dear god, did you not know how much he wouldn’t mind doing that? Even as fucking joke, it was probably the closest he’d get to kissing you honestly. He couldn’t fucking help staring at you and wondering what it’d be like to smash his lips against yours and run his hands through your hair or what it’d be like to explore every inch of your skin. His thoughts kept running elsewhere and you chuckled as your attention wandered elsewhere. What were you-

        “You should probably clean up your binder, Rich.”

        He followed your line of sight, only to find that his math binder had snapped open upon hitting the floor, papers askew. He sort of smiled, the warmth of his fingers leaving yours as he walked over, picking it up and throwing it onto your bed. He carelessly snatched up his papers, not caring whether shit got folded or crumpled as he shoved it all into the open plastic - he’d just fix it later, probably.

        “Did you finish your work?” You asked softly, bouncing on your heels. He looked to you, swiftly nodding -which was a lie, but you didn’t know that.

        Before you knew it, he shoved his messy folder back into his backpack and left you, making up some excuse about how he needed to get home or whatever. He was gone before you could protest in any form, not giving you a chance to muster up any possible excuse for him to stay a bit longer.

        And you had to wonder. What made him leave so quickly?

        “So… let me get this straight. You like Rich.”

        “Mmhmm.” 

        “But you also like Jake?” 

        You turned over, resting on your stomach as you watched Christine look through her closet, trying to find a cute shirt. “... Yeah.”

        “Why don’t you tell them that?”

        “Christine-”

        “No, [y/n],” she said, “tell them that you like both of them?”

        “Christiiiine,” you whined, “then I’m gonna ruin everything because they probably don’t even like me or - if they did, I can’t have two boyfriends, can I?” 

       “Who says you can’t?” She shrugged, pulling out a black shirt with flowers on it. “It’s called polyamory-”

        “I know about polyamory,” you cut her off, “but I don’t know about Rich or Jake- I mean, they’d probably laugh at the idea, right?”

        She frowned as she looked back to you, “why don’t you just… ask them?” 

       “Christine-”

        “Just… try?”

        What you didn’t know was that Christine knew. Jake and Rich trusted her enough - and honestly, who didn’t trust Christine? She was an angel and you often considered yourself blessed to be her best friend, honestly. Jake came to her days before you did, mentioning something about how you were cute and vaguely mentioning Rich in the same, love struck way. Rich, on the other hand, had been blunt - asking her for advice straight out only to be told the exact same thing she told you: to talk to both of you.

        The situation was this: you definitely weren’t going to make the first move. That means you had to actually mention the idea and kind of confess your feelings for the both of them and essentially make the first move, which was just a thought that absolutely terrified you. Rich wasn’t going to say anything either - more out of the fact he wasn’t sure how to bring up the idea that he’d basically be down for banging both of you (without saying it like that, since he wasn’t sure how you’d take it considering he was... kinda serious about it) without blurting it out. And Jake wasn’t going to say anything, mainly out of the uncertainty about how to bring up the topic at some point.

        So that left Christine with the decision that she’d try to push the three of you together, with some help. She may have vaguely mentioned the idea to Jeremy, and eventually managed to convince the rest of the group to get on board with this little scheme. They’d find a way to push the three of you together, since it was beginning to get blatantly obvious that there were mutual feelings between the three of you.

        One day, you and Jake and Rich ended up at the mall all at the same time, the rest of the group nowhere to be found. Then one-by-one, texts came in, an excuse given to why the rest of them weren’t there. Sure, it was weird, but Rich won you and Jake stuffed bears out of a claw machine after betting that he could beat the machine, and the three of you ended up getting pretzels so the trip wasn’t a waste at all.

        One night you ended up sitting in Jake’s hotel room with both of them, watching some crappy movie. You forgot about the homework due the next day, the impending weight of a test in a few days or weeks, the world outside passing by. For once, you were content. Rich was happy, his head in your lap as you absentmindedly messed with his hair - which was definitely as soft as you thought it would be, honestly, what is his secret? And Jake had rested an arm around you, pulling you closer to him slightly, his other hand resting near Rich’s. You’d barely remember the movie, as you sort of sunk into Jake, his warmth lulling you to sleep. Rich looked up as he noticed you slowing to a stop, your head resting on Jake’s shoulder. He couldn’t lie - he was pretty sleepy too, but the sight of you snoozing away was adorable.

        The next morning, you woke up tangled up with Rich and Jake, the awkward imprint of a zipper going down one of your cheeks, and Rich’s arms around your waist and his face pressed against your back. You didn’t want to move - the both of them sleeping soundly. So you didn’t - or at least, you avoided moving as much as you could. You only listened - the rise and fall of Jake’s chest underneath you, his breathing soft and quiet, and Rich at your back, shifting in his sleep, snuggling closer to you. Everything felt tranquil, as if the world wasn’t bustling outside with the business of morning. As if the only three people that existed were you and Jake and Rich. You smiled a little - because, well, that was a thought. Eventually you shut your eyes and somehow managed to realize one thing.

        You loved both of them.

        The group was conflicted. Because on one hand, the three of you were extremely close and seemed like everything had been resolved and that this was happening. On the other hand, none of you said a word about any of it. No announcement that hey we’re all dating, that’s cool right of any sort, no kisses, nothing that would give anything away. Because, apparently, you three weren’t dating. No matter how much Rich’s hands rested at you and Jake’s hips, sometimes squeezing gently to get any sort of a reaction from the both of you - usually a gentle nudge from you while Jake would become slightly flustered and glance down to Rich. You had the habit of bringing the two of them little things more often than anyone else - setting down one of Rich’s favorite energy drinks in front of him on the days he needed it, or bringing them both coffee and muffins in the morning. Jake would get invested in what you or Rich was doing - plans, current problems, anything and everything. 

        So then there was a bet. Christine said you weren’t dating officially, and Jeremy sided with her. Jenna had bet that it was just a secret. Michael shrugged and said it hasn’t happened - and after a moment, Brooke agreed. Chloe didn’t bother to look up from her phone, hanging onto every word.

       “Why would they hide it from us?”

       “I dunno, maybe they’re just nervous-”

       “Rich would have blurted it out by now, and [y/n] tells Christine everything.”

       “Exactly!”

       “[y/n] doesn’t tell me everything. She still has her secrets and I have mine-”

       “Christine, we all know that’s bullshit.”

       “Oh my god, they’re dating,” Chloe said, breaking the conversation up, “and Jake’s not going to say anything about it yet because this is new to him. Rich respects that, and [y/n] obviously wants to tell Christine but she doesn’t want to ruin everything. Let. It. Go.”

        The first time Rich had kissed you was after a convention. You had just gotten back to your house, fumbling with yours keys when he had turned you to face him, smashing his lips against yours. Your keys hit the ground, your hands finding their way into his hair and he tugged you closer to him. It was sloppy and quick, but you didn’t care. Thirty minutes later, you were curled up  with your head on his chest and dressed in the softest pajamas, looking up at the phone in his hand as he texted Jake to get his ass over here. 

       The first time you and Jake kissed was the following morning as the two of you were up before Rich and the house was empty, so breakfast seemed like a good idea. Besides, Jake had bragged enough about his boss cooking skills, it was time to put them to the test. So while Jake searched your fridge for ingredients, you sat on the kitchen island, humming as you watched him. At one point the two of you began making small little comments toward each other, before Jake ended up standing between your legs, forehead against yours. You had closed the distance, pressing your lips against his for a quick, gentle kiss.

       A gentle kiss that ended with Jake all but on top of you, hungrily kissing you. Rich swinging into the kitchen was what broke you two up. He chuckled, made some comment as he walked over, getting a quick kiss from Jake - and then another from you - before the three of you teamed up to make breakfast.

       And by team up, you and Rich watched Jake make pancakes.

       The group found out one day when you had accidentally sent a selfie into the group chat, Rich in the background with a dog that was definitely too big to be called a puppy, captioned with “jake our bf is paying more attention to this puppy than me and i dont blame him” and then a quick “ hurry up and get here before we buy a dog love you” before you shoved your phone in your pocket. You realized your mistake the moment there was a symphony of buzzes and chimes, and you saw literally everyone but Jake or Rich.

       “Rich?” You croaked, pulling his attention as your nerves bundled themselves tightly, your hands shaking, “Rich, fuck-”

        He was up and to you within seconds, “babe? You alright?” He said softly, only to look to your phone once you held it up. “Wait-”

       “Rich, Jake didn’t want us to say anything and I fucked up and texted the group chat and not him a-and he’s going to hate me-”

        So Rich did what he could: he called Jake, and within the next hour, the three of you were sitting on the bed in near silence. Phones kept buzzing will calls every so often - Christine being the most predominant of the names that popped up. Jake wrapped an arm around you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He wasn’t mad - you didn’t mean to and he saw how upset you were over the entire thing. Sure, the three of you probably would have waited a lot longer to say anything to the group, but at least that wasn’t a problem anymore, right? That picture of Rich was cute.

       Speaking of Rich, he had been the first one to break, checking his phone. After all, everyone could learn to love the real Richard Goranski and his lovers. Instead of happiness or anger, you and Jake were met with Rich’s silence. When you looked, you saw why.

       First came a chorus of “i knew it” in varying forms, before then there was the realization that none of you had responded. Then the chat turned to love: Christine beginning with saying she supported you three, and then there was just messages upon messages of how they supported the three of you, that they wouldn’t go parading this around the school because who the fuck would do that, that they’d all be here when you all finally decided to say something.

       You had to wonder how you came to have so many people like this in your life. First Christine, who you had years of friendship solidifying your bond stronger than steel. Now you had two boyfriends who you adored more than anything, a constellation of pure love developed between you three as you had nights where you three would just sit around and watch dumb movies and eat pizza while making stupid jokes, or dates around the town where the three of you played Pokemon Go and argued about who’s team was better over lunch. The days where you and Rich would find Jake at work, making jokes about how he worked at Dick’s Sporting Goods (one time of which Jake responded with how Rich is “sporting goods,” which ended that conversation as you laughed and Rich grew flustered) or when you started working at Pinkberry and you had both of them with the rest of the group “bothering” you during work. And dear god, how you loved the rest of the group. They all supported you all, refuting any rumors before they could really take off (especially Jenna and Chloe, the two being extremely fast to stomp out anything before they could really start blazing). The three of you had undying support from them: something you all were grateful for. Heck, you had noticed that Christine had put stars by your, Jake, and Rich’s names. When asked about it, she smiled.

       “You guys are a constellation. That’s what poly relationships are called!”

       For the first time in months, you realized how loved you were. Jake had pressed a gentle kiss to your neck, arms around your torso. Rich pressed a soft, quick kiss to your lips, arms wrapped around you and Jake awkwardly as the three of you laid in near silence, the soft chatter from the TV filling the room.

      “Hey... Rich? Jake?” You mumbled, “I love you.”

       They had both smiled. “We love you too.”

since people wanted me to mention them:

@love-doesnt-discriminate @fly-like-a-grayson @heatherchandlxrs @linslovelylocks @1two-player-game1 

sorry if i forgot anyone!!! this is just based off of the list i have

[missjackil]

Imagine if Sam and Dean Behaved Like Normal Brothers

We can argue all we want about whether or not Sam and Dean’s toxic co-dependency is a good thing or not, but some things are for certain, the show would be boring, and neither brother would have lived past Season 2.  I dont think anyone thinks co-dependency is actually a good thing, but at least for this story, it’s necessary. Real life brother can be very close, and love each other deeply, but I have never met any that would give up their significant other for their brother, so if Sam and Dean were “normal” we could safely assume theyd both be married by now. Dean to Lisa because he wouldnt have bothered going back to hunting when Sam asked, and if he did, he would have ditched Sam when Lisa expressed how twisted and tangled their relationship was. This is all of course if they even managed to make it to S6 which I dont think they would. When Sam died in S2, Dean may have loved Sam enough to become suicidal when he died, but no way would he love him enough to sell his soul for one more year with him. If somehow they managed to make it though, Sam would have gone back to Amelia when she gave him the ultimatum. But more than likely, Sam would have gone back to school and not worried so much about leaving Dean alone to hunt by himself.  So best case scenario, we’d have a couple of realistic brothers, with wives, probably kids, talking on the phone to each other maybe once a week, getting together to watch sports once in a while when they didnt have to do something with their families. If either of them, or both remained hunters, they’d be dead in no time with no one willing to go beyond the call of duty to keep the other alive.  This is the toxic part of the co-dependence, when either of them get self destructive, or world destructive to save the other. They dont demonstrate this level of love for anyone else on the show, not their Dad, Bobby, Cas, or anyone. When these people died, the brothers were very sad, but they just let them go. “Let the dead stay dead” has applied to everyone else in their lives except each other.  So, what makes these two so co dependent that they just cant fathom the idea of living without the other? I don’t think the show ever explained it well enough beyond showing us they could only depend on each other growing up, and throwing in that they’re soulmates. This sheds light on it, yes, but still doesn’t explain it. Both things could be true for real life brothers, and it would probably mean they are closer than normal brothers, but still not be Winchester level of closeness. It may or may never be explained, but it will always be a big question for me. When Season 11 rolled around and Sam gave that speech in the Hospital that they need to stop breaking the world to save each other because  they’ve forgotten they’re supposed to be saving people, not just each other (paraphrased) I thought maybe they would stop their toxic co dependence and act like real brothers, and they kind of did for a while, they got along better, had some fun together, but then Sam was willing to let Lucifer/cas touch his soul to get enough power to bring Dean back, which could very likely have killed him. And then there was Red Meat, where Dean though Sam was dead and his first response was to let the werewolves come and fight them to the death... when he was talked out of it, he decided saving Sam was the only important thing in the world and he ODed to try to make it happen. Whether he died or not, he was determined to save Sam. Meanwhile, Sam isnt dead but he’s gut shot and bleeding profusely, in a shit ton of pain. Sure he could have stayed there and waited for Dean, Dean comes back for him, thats just how it is, and he can fight off a couple of left over werewolves and just tend to himself, but no, Dean is in danger because Corbin is a werewolf. Did Sam trust that Dean could handle Corbin alone? Nope, he needed him, or at least needed to know. When Sam wasnt sure Dean heard him say Corbin is a werewolf, Sam risked his life to go help Dean, and shot the bad guy himself. So yeah, neither have learned yet to drop the self destructiveness. Come the end of S11, Sam does, very reluctantly, let Dean go alone to face, and try to kill Amara, which would kill him in the process. For a moment I think this OOC for Sam, until he gets home and Toni is waiting there with her gun drawn. What does Sam do? Not the normal Sam thing to draw his gun, tell her to drop hers, and either take over the situation or shoot her, he almost draws his gun but doesnt, no, he believes Dean is dead, he has no shits to give anymore, so he approaches this woman, bare handed  taunting her to fire “we both know you’re not gonna pull the trigger” Sam’s just ready to die. Thats all.  Season 12 comes. Theres no real self destructive behavior between them, in fact Dean seems a little less than hellbent to find Sam, is it because now his mother’s back and he has something/someone else to live for? Maybe, but now that makes me sad, but fast forward to First Blood, and we’re back to self destructive. Both brothers make a blood pact to guarantee that at least one of them lives. Both think they’ll be the one to die for the other. but fortunately, that doesnt come to pass. Then only 2 episodes later, Sam is risking his life by going into the home of powerful witches, alone, to try to save Dean’s life,  when he gets captured, Dean, who up till now has forgotten everyone in his life, even his own name, still remembers Sam. Dean makes it into the house, no longer remembering how to speak, he doesn’t seem to recognize Sam by sight, but completely remembers “Brother” and kills the witch.  If that wasnt enough to show us they are still toxicaly co-dependent, in Who We Are, when trapped in the bunker with maybe a day left to live before they suffocate, one last self destructive move was made. The grenade launcher. These boys where not just willing, but were happy at the idea that if they didnt get out together, they’d GO out together! The looks on their faces was priceless wasnt it? So much love, pride and excitement in the idea of making it out together, or dying together! So, Ill go on record to say that yes, toxic co-dependency is bad, and I dont recommend it, but in the case of the Winchesters, it’s not only wonderful, but 100% necessary to make the show as good as it is. 

(sorry for long post, I couldnt get “keep reading” to not go to the bottom of the page)

[dominicjamesjones-blog]

Reunited | Dominer

TAGGING: @ethhud, @pfabray @dominicjamesjones

DATE: idk a long time ago

PLACE: LA Bakery

NOTES: Dom and Ethan go to a bakery where Dom and Parker are reunited after years broken up. 

Ethan was looking forward to bringing DJ to the bakery, since it would be one step getting back with Parker. "Trust me, this bakery is amazing. Like, anything called The Village Bakery and cafe, is amazing." He patted him on the shoulder as he opened up the door for his best friend. After two years, it was about to have DJ get back out there instead of grading papers and being, well, someone who had lost the love of his life. Granted, he wasn't doing so hot after breaking up with Rocky. "I was thinking that we should go surfing after this y'know? Catch some sweet waves, check out the ladies, get their numbers and go out to the club. Man Im so glad that we moved out here. Its so much better than Ohio by far, sure being three hours behind the east coast sucks but we can go to games more now."

DJ new that moving to California was the right decision. He missed Parker like crazy and knew that it was going to be hard to mend that friendship with her much less relationship. He was living with his best friend, doing what he loved most but there was something missing and that was here. For now he figured he would hang out with Ethan and just relax before he reached out to Parks. But knowing Ethan he wouldn’t let him slip done that lonely road for too long. “Yeah that sounds cool.” He smiled as they walked into the bakery. Dom enjoyed living near the ocean. Him and Ethan learned to surf quickly and it was something they did a lot on their days off. Today was no exception.

Ethan nodded. "Good because I have a feeling they're going to be swooning over us and they would be taking you home in a heartbeat." He said as he stood on his tip toes to check out how long the line was and furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed a familiar blonde hair along with smile and a tattoo. Parker. He grinned, knowing what to do so he did what he did best, was to keep Dom's attention away from Parker. "Anyways, how's work going? Anyone caught your eye yet?"

DJ stood in line with Ethan and talked. “Oh yeah this one 10 year old is so fiesty. I mean she just talks and talks and I always have to separate her from her friends. But I think she likes this one kid Jacob so I think I might switch the seating and put them next to each other.” He paused for a moment and looked at Ethan. Don blinked and then raised his eyebrows. “Oh you mean adults...” he shrugged. “I’m not really looking for anything right now I just.....” he rubbed the back of his head. “No one ever lives up to my expectations you know.”

Ethan "Sounds like she's a handful and dude, Im sure that's an awesome idea." Ethan replied as he took off his eyes off of Parker and looked at his friend as he gripped his shoulder a bit. "Yeah, I mean adults." He slipped his hands into his pockets and slowly nodded as he itched his eyebrow as he talked. "Or do you mean no one will ever replace her? I get it but man, you gotta move on Its been two years and I think Parker would want you to move on and fall in love again and get married, even if it wasn't with her." He moved a bit with the line and looked at him. "Sometimes I feel like you guys were too perfect for each other and ruined the dating game for you."

DJ “ruined it for you? Come on dude.” He should his head. He was about to speak when they got up to the register and Dom widened his eyes. “Parker?” He asked not believing it was actually her. In the back of his mind he knew that somehow Ethan was behind this. “What...you work here?” He asked.

Ethan "I mean, ruined for me." Ethan corrected and was busy looking at the baked goods that was in the case when he heard Parker's name from DJ. He looked at her and felt his eyes widen a bit. "Im going to grab a table, Im not really hungry anymore." He patted his friend on the back and started to leave until he saw Parker's glare. "On second thought, I should be a witness just in case you guys kill each other."

Parker was having a pretty good day. Avery gotten up before she needed too, didn't make a mess out of her food like she sometimes did and was on work on time after dropping her off at her babysitter's. When she saw Ethan standing on his tip toes and his grin, she felt her stomach dropped and knew that Dom was with him. She swallowed hard as she kept herself busy getting things for customers and switching out empty pans and hoped that she wouldnt be stuck doing the register but at last, she was and here he was. In front of her, was the love of her life and the father to her daughter. She opened up her mouth to speak, but nothing was coming out and closed it before she sent a glare to Ethan then turned her attention back to Dom. "DJ." She finally got out and nodded as she quickly pushed buttons on the register. "Yeah, I do. So what would you like?"

DJ looked at her and he shook his head. "um...just a couple cheese pastries." he said. How could she stand there like they were strangers or something? "Um...so how are you?" He asked as he handed her cash. "I mean...its been a while" he said. "I've been wanting to reach out to you but it just never seemed like the right time...or the right words." he rubbed the back of his neck.

Parker swallowed some as she nodded and grabbed some cheese pastries before she rang him up along with placing the plate onto the counter. "I've, been okay...How are you?" She asked as she took the cash and gave back the exact amount along with his receipt. "Yeah...two years, actually. Not like I was keeping track or anything like that.." Parker looked at him, bit down on her bottom lip and tapped the register lightly. "Well, I guess you don't have to worry about that...reaching out or finding the right words...Hold on." She glanced over at her co-worker, told her that she was taking her break and hung up her apron. "Let's, talk over in the corner and you." She pointed at Ethan who held up his hands and opened up his mouth. "Don't follow." She grabbed Dom's pastries and led him to one of the tables. She placed them onto the table and sat down, knowing that she was nervous.

DJ felt his heart start to race as when Parker said they should talk. DJ gave Ethan a look knowing he would meet up with him later. He sat down at the table across from her. He wasnt even hungry to eat the pastries anymore, just eager to speak with her. "You look...really good" he said initially. After a long pause of silence Dom spoke up. "I'm sorry." he said softly. "For everything. I'd be lying if I said the past two years have been easy"

Parker watched Ethan walk out of the bakery and turned her attention back to Dom. "Thank you, so do you." She replied. She swallowed some, knowing that she had to give him a chance, especially since it has been two years and the fact that she gave birth to their daughter. "Im sorry too." She sucked in some breath as she ran a hand through her hair and placed her hand onto the table. "I bet it hasn't been..." Parker paused a bit as she chewed on her cheek. "I, dont." She stopped as she closed her eyes and studied him. "I don't get why you and Ethan, who broke up with Rocky because we broke up, are here. Of all places."

DJ looked at her. "I live here" he said softly. "Well obviously not here here. I've been living with Ethan. Um I'm teaching. Like, for real teaching my own class." he shrugged. "Of all places...I don't know. I dont know if Ethan knew and just.." he shrugged. He paused. "Can I just...I miss you" he said softly. "Just like...I miss being able to talk to you. Things got so bad and I just..as soon as I got that job offer I wanted to call you. Because you were always the first person I would tell good news to and I just couldnt"

Parker slowly nodding as she took in the new information and swallowed, knowing he would see Avery at some point and connect the dots. "Oh, wow. Um, congrats on the teaching position." She replied softly. "Well, he is your best friend. Sometimes I felt like he knew you better than I did." She shrugged slightly and looked at him. "I miss you too and miss being able to talk to you as well." She leaned against the chair as she nodded, as to show that she agreed with him about sharing good news. "Did, um. You started to drink again? Is that way things got so bad?"

DJ "Not really" he said softly. "You always knew me best." He paused and ran his hands down his legs nervously. "Um..yeah" He nodded. "I don't know what happen and honestly I don't have a good explanation. But, I haven't been drinking for a year now. You can't really do that when you're teaching, because there's just no time." he shrugged. After a long pause. "So..I don't wanna keep you from work but I'd love to meet up. You know just catch up and everything. It's kind of ironic that we both ended up here." he smiled at her slightly. God she really did look good. She had this glow about her and it almost made him think that she was doing better and was happier without him. It broke his heart just slightly.

Parker bit down on her bottom lip and nodded some. "Yeah I did." She said softly. She listened to him, feeling her heart hurt when he admitted it but glad to know that he was sober for a year now. "I'm proud of you." She glanced around, forgetting that she was at work and glanced at him. "Oh, right. Yeah, I'd love that too and here." She pulled a pen and grabbed his hand, wrote down her number. "I don't know if you had my number or not, but it's the same except for the area code. I just changed it today." She glanced up at him with a small smile. "It is, actually." Or fate, she thought as she stared at him. He really did look great and couldn't stop staring. He probably had a girlfriend already, maybe a fiancee. Someone better than her.

DJ let her take his hand and for a moment just the simple touch brought so many memories back. He was still so in love with her and always was. He was a fool for ever letting her go. "Okay. I'll text you then" he smiled genuinely. "I'm really glad I ran into you today" he said as he continued to smile. Dom looked at her for a long while before snapping out of it. He stood up and took his little bag of pastries. "Well..I'll see you then. Have a good day at work. And thanks for the desserts" he said holding up the bag briefly.

Parker nodded as she pulled back her hand slightly. "Okay." She said with a real smile this time and didn't know how to explain it. Of course she was still in love with him, he had a piece of her heart. "Me too, even though I kinda glared at Ethan." She met his eyes and cleared her throat some as she sat back in her chair. "Yeah, see you then and thank you and you're welcome. Made them myself." She stood up, fighting the urge to kiss his cheek and waved at him as she started to walk towards the counter but only to bumped into another co-worker. "Sorry." She muttered as she glanced at the co-worker and glanced back at Dom. "Have a good day at work."

DJ laughed. "Ethan is a big boy and will get over it" he smiled and nodded. "Then I'm sure they are amazing" He gave her a small as he walked away and he glanced back at her the same time she did. "Thanks" he smiled and walked out of the bakery. Things were definitely looking up. He looked down at the number on his arm and he smiled to himself. It was time to get his girl back.

[i-sveikata]

Gabby liveblogs the new teen wolf ep

i mean technically it’s not liveblogging since I’m in australia and the delay obvs but here we go guys prepare for death:

-lololololololo the fuck they always gotta start it at the school cause they cant afford another set anymore

-whut scott is the assistant coach???!!!!!

-omg hayden left?????? why do they literally just remove all of their female characters with nonsense explanations??? hello kira???? havent seen her in a while. do females not exist in beacon hills?? apparently even being a love interest isn’t a good enough reason to keep the gals around anymore dear god.

-’you want my whistle? who gave you a whistle???’ omfg coach finstock is the best

-the fuck was that supposed to be a wolf on the field or a coyote??? or malia???? legit can’t even tell, oh nvmind scott and liam followed it into the woods found a pack of dead wolves with weird bugs that are crawling out of their eyes, naturally.

-malia heading out to paris and not wanting to help anyone with the problem is goals. but you know there are other ways to write female characters without making their only interest being climbing dick you know, we can have depth.

-liam and scott bonding, lol, they cute and feels, scotty all worried he’s losing control, making him repeat the werewolf mantra dear god this is dorky. giving it instrumental impressive music wont change that friends.

-lol, ‘i got ducktape’ this is me.

-oh goody more mental asylum stuff and weird frozen mummified rock shit, is this a throwback to pompeii or what?

-yeah touch the petrified ashy human corpse thing, that’s a great idea obvs like what is even happening right now.

-of course some dude exploded out of it, why are we even surprised people? oh that’s right we’re not. wait who the fuck is that? no wait, i can guess, it’s another mediocre white guy.

-’i like latin’ liam you dork, oh poor kid ‘this has been a really hard year for me’ ‘if you want to talk about your girlfriend guidance hours are posted’ damn girl that’s brutal.

-interesting that all the youngins are getting a senior registration and applying to colleges scenes talking about their futures at school but for the veteran characters we barely got a sentence about it.

-’you can see me right’ omg lol corey are you having some visibility issues.

-who wants to guess this new college guidance lady is probably not human- lol the music just changed and went all sinister like bruh we already got this, literally every new character we meet ends up being evil like cmon.

-who the fuck is this nolan kid- yet another mediocre white boy!!!!!- are they going for the olympics in white boys what is this shit- oh god she wants to talk about the animal attack on the field.

-lol him being like ‘that was no animal’ jesus fucking christ honestly am i in deja vu land are we just repeating tired drama from the first season now.

-liam how do you not know what a scarab is????? have you not seen the mummy what kind of kid are you??

-haha that girl screaming ‘why does this keep happening to our school’ when all the rats show up is the real shit.

-mediocre other mummy white boy appears in the classroom, stares a bit and tries to look interesting and then leaves. wow lifechanging moment.

-naturally liam and mason end up in the pipes again, because where else would teen wolf film things that happen.

-lydia making a bestiary yeah girl. Her mama isn’t being very smart saying no to that- who’s guess is it she dies almost immediately??? yeah girl leave that paperwork in mamas desk. 

-scott trying out his weird electrocution kink with his mum, i am uncomfortable, but also teaching her the ways of electrocution is vaguely sweet.

-mama mccall gonna cover all the werewolf shit when scott is gone i love it. family bonding stuff yeaaaaaahh. oh shit she electrocuted him whilst hugging. family fun times.

-’i held the button, didn’t I?’ ‘you held the buttton’ BEST

-rat king ew is that what they said. gross. lol malia making liam smell the gross dead rat.

-REROUTED. malia is determined to get on a plane to get that french dick apparently.

-how the fuck did mummy white guy end up in the sheriff station???? do the deputies no longer exist?? wheres papa stilinski???

-parrish on the creepy white dude, all is well apparently.

-liam and mason bringing mama mccall a nice dead rat. bring her dinner you sick bastards.

-the fuck??? hallways in flames, parrish meeting another possible hellhound??? what is trying to be said here, fucked if i know.

-weird white guy has some kind of blood kink, sniffing all the injured people in the hospital because of reasons.

-idiot dudes punched liam in the face and he lost his shit. some mantra kid. use the werewolf force. freaky white mummy guy looming in the hallway behind him, cue demon suspense music while he chases for liam now in a closing elevator.

-ANDDDDDD the door closes before mummy white dude can get to him. shocker. i am on the edge of my seat with surprise and  anguish obvs

-lydia showing up to get scott? i thought in the last ep stiles said hed be driving down to campus with lydia together???? does that mean she did and came back for some reason?? or stiles miraculously teleported there on his own. wow i love continuity. good thing im watching teen wolf huh.

-all the lights go out, because its lydia this is teen wolf and EVERYTHING MUST BE DARK AND HARD TO SEE AT ALL TIMES.

-phones ringing are always the most suspenseful thing to happen to me as well, love hearing that dialtone and having a wind machine suddenly blowing hair out of my face before appearing back in... wow you guessed it- the school!!!

-ohhhhhh spideyweb time. love it. gotta touched those creepy webs because otherwise what else could lydias banshee powers possibly do. lots of screaming. love that. was that gunfire? idk here this is stupid. 

-ah yes, lydia miraculously finds the perfect bit of web to touch because of unexplainable reasons.’ YOU LET IT OUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RIDE WITH THE HUNT FOREVER’ k thanks im hanging up the web now byeeeeeee.

-how does nobody lock the fucking school doors at this point. parrish and mummy white dude just walked straight in.

-’what are you?’ ‘you know what i am im the same as you’ lololololololololl this is gonna be some weird hellhound pissing contest.

-’something you let out, something that needs to be stopped’ oh goody something new an differernt for us. so innovative.

-ah yes, the pissing contest begins. or fire contest i guess? idk?/ and oh hey the guidance counsellor lady was not as she seemed!!! wow, i never would have seen that coming in my life. thanks

-hey guys when you take away the fire, it’s just two shirtless dudes homoerotically wrestling with each other.

-oh well time for parrish to sleep it off,

-’if the wild hunt couldn’t keep you nothing can’ this is literally sounds like the fucked up adage ‘if i cant have you no one can’ and i am uncomfortable.

-oh boy white mummy guy isn’t after liam- i could never have guess that would happen.

-’it must be stopped nothing else matters’ wow, no, because here I was thinking just let the monster run free and kill people and pile up bodies and stuff. isnt that what teen wolf is about.

-OMG SCOTT GOT INTO THE JEEP  AND FOUND A ‘BE GENTLE’ LETTER FROM STILES THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EP I SWEAR

-what the fuck lydia, popping your ass up in the middle of the headlights like some kind of ghost haunting, ‘we cantt leave’ bruh you need to chill. 

-of course they need some scene with mason giving liam a pep talk like hes the most important character in this show, yeah id totally believe that. hey heres an idea instead of making it about comforting him for losing his girlfriend, how bout you dont write his girlfriend out, there i fixed it.

-malia’s flight no longer delayed!!! haha that squeal of excitement, omg she yelled ‘Oui Oui’ i gotchu girl leave this hellhole while you can.

-opp and heres scott and lydia out to ruin her fun. ofc.

-”no, no nonononono  no, its just rats and wolves- and maybe a little bug problem’ see shes got the spirit. let her get french dick in peace. but also, how the fuck are they gonna explain her and scott hooking up in the future because idk what a fucking ride.

-goes to the window instead because her friends are trying to cockblock her- shes DETERMINED PPL U CANT STOP THE DICK.

-lol scott steps aside and then lydia moves into malias way MY GOD before scott pulls her back out, fuckin i cannot.

-two seconds of disappointed looks but cmon guys lets not pretend that malias an independent person who can make decisions outside of the group- aaaannnnnn shes back. wow. quelle surprise.

-but hey at least she hit scott in the face with her bag, get it girl.

-injured white mummy hellhound staggering through the woods then shift to lydia, malia and scott in the car ‘we opened a door to another world and something came out with us’ THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT FOR SEASON 3? 4? THE ONE WITH THE NOGITSUNE CMON PPL.

-of course guidance counsellor college lady is gonna kill white mummy hellhound boy. i support her.

-’what kind of price a big price?” ‘big’ wow, A+ dialogue here, someone give them an emmy for this shit.

-oh no guidance counsellor lady in trouble. bu t of course when push comes to shove, shoot white mummy hellhound boy in the head. but white guy actually died for once???? props. lets see how long hell stay dead before theres a reason that makes no sense to bring him back. cough cough theo.

-two seconds later cause apparently thats enough time for her to escape without the Gang sans stiles noticing. even though two of them have increased hearing and sense of smell?!!!??!! because it wouldnt be teen wolf otherwise.

-lydia ‘i thought you couldnt kill a hellhound’ WHEN WAS THAT EVER SAID??? I LITERALLY DO NOT REMEMBER THAT BEING STATED???

-scott, picking up the bullet casing which apparently killed an unkillable hellhound but hes just so good its not an issue. oh hey, is that a fleur de lis?

-’argent’ ooooooooohhh more suspense. dont think i can take it.

-’the sound of someone who’s never lifted a hand against a human being’ you can says shes a hunter lydia, her trunk was full of murdery shit we get it.

-also whats with teen wolfs repetitive need to make girls have an emotional distressing response to something before they go all ‘i kill you, ill kill everyone, ill kill myself idgaf’ and their expression goes all Tough Girl. like cmon. u realise girls dont all react the same way to the same things right?

-but hey props to guidance lady for not dying, though i mean she’s a girl and shes not white so lets assume her chances arent strong for future eps.

-lol all three of them sitting on scotts bed together. is it just me or should they all just make out, im just saying.

-’can we say we forgot?’ omg lydia PHRASING, u literally forgot stiles barely a few eps ago, dont crush him already.

-’we almost lost him last time’ i just love how the girls have all the emotional lines and scott just gets to sit there a nod like stiles hasnt been his best friend for years and years. but apparently connection on teen wolf means only if you want to fuck each other since scott magically forgot stiles without much effort and the entire season was about lydia getting him back even though they literally werent even dating and theyd given no indication shed even liked him when he was taken. but suddenly shes magically interested in him and the connection with scott, his best fucking friend for life somehow wasnt strong enough and I AM SALTY.

-malia- ’if this turns out to be somthing big and we don’t call him-’ ‘he would kill us’ hey look Scott got to say something accurate about his best friend, yay!

-’you guys didn’t hear his voice, he was really excited to be there’ aww scott, but seriously you asshole writers are still telling me their connection wasn’t enough for scott to bring him back? for shame.

-’lets just play the voicemail’ lol here comes the swelling emotional music.

-but seriously fuck you guys, heres stiles telling scott to leave beacon hills behind him and that its not his responsibility and not to worry about it and take stiles’ jeep (which we know he loves more than anything) and drive, and the instrumentals are getting really emotional showing stiles at the fbi and youre still trying to tell me that scott wouldnt have remembered his best friend without lydia???? fuck off.

-omg the nerd stopped at the fbi seal and straightened his tie i fucking love it.

-seriously whats with this music??? like stiles just won the damn noble peace prize or something just for showing up. its no wonder ppl think scott isnt the main when the writers give stiles all these storylines and attention, like this is not subtle ppl.

-stiles constantly interrupting the fbi dude in the middle of the presentation gives me life omg.

-’one recent manhunt had our crisis response team chasing down a bizarrely feral unsub in the wilderness of north carolina-”

-OFMG LOL ITS DEREK 

-STILES SPAT WATER EVERYWHERE THIS IS GREAT

-are they literally trying to sell that this is current??? like that is clearly season 1 footage of derek what the fuck is happening right now. why cant he just have a vacation for fun, why do the writers have to ruin everything for him but nope, mass hunting derek time ofc,

-the way stiles put his hand over his mouth as if that would cover up the fact that he literally spat water everywhere. smooth stilinski.

-omg the presenter dude look down at the list of names seeing Mieczyslaw Stilinski and legit being like ‘uh... young man’ thats awesome.

-’just got a little excited’ honestly what the fuck teen wolf. you baiting sterek fans or what?

-stiles trying to find out what they’re after him for- ‘Murder’ but what type of murder. “Mass murder’

-suspenseful music AGAIN jesus fucking c h r i s t.

-OMG now they’re just zooming in on dereks tattoo, increasing the music. dude we fucking get it, thats derek hale and you, the writers, fucking hate him. chill.

[lesbianyennefer]

ok ive finished andromeda and so im gunna collate my final gathered thoughts below:

All in all its been a good game but for the first time in my life in not just a mass effect but a bioware game i dont LOVE it i cant even say i think its very good - ive even been edging on outright disinterest and boredom at various points throughout. bioware games for all their faults have always made me get fully into their stories get completely immersed in the world and in mass effects case in their characters too. but andromeda is the first time ever that i find myself saying if someone asked me how good it was i would say meh. if someone asked me how the latest installment in my favourite thing to exist on this planet was i would say meh. as someone who for whom the original trilogy is genuinely my favourite thing in existence there arent words for how much it upsets me. im not even like ‘i wanna play again!!!’ like i usually am because im usually still so immersed in the world. here are some thoughts and delving deeper into the things that stood out to me:

- the writing: its poor. there have been a few funny moments and lines and most of the main quest dialogue lines are good but compared to what we are used to from mass efefct it PALES. only one moment of real enjoyment stands out to me in the entire game and that was the movie night one - of the only moments in the game I got happy about like the original trilogy. the writing for dialogue not just with npcs but with companions is often clunky, nonsensical, boring and adds nothing to furthering knowledge/relationships. i honestly couldnt tell you a lot about many of them because the conversations didnt pertain to actually getting to know them. it says in the codex that they all consider me close friends but its never been mentioned that they even considered me one nor can i recall when the friendship actually got going or how we reached the ‘close’ part. similarily a lot of criticism from critics was about the base elements being rehashed from the original and its true. so much has just been copy pasted from the ot in a way that actually makes this version less interesting. the big ‘reveals’ in the story are also so badly done that when jaal mentioned the angara were made by the jaardun is it? i didnt have a wow moment like mass effect has given me in the past i was so confused by everything going on i was just like what? nobody seemed to make a big deal out if either considering an entire race just found out they were genetically engineered. the only real ‘wow’ moment i had in the game was finding out ellen ryder was still alive and jien garson was murdered and even then you cant tell anyone and its pretty much forgotten!! ryder knows that jien was murdered by possibly this benefactor who seems to have ulterior motives for all of them and she also knows the reapers invaded and as far as shes aware eradicated the entire milky way. maybe thats something that should be shared with leadership hmm? (as much as i hate tann)  

- the plot: touching on the last the plot was, to me, nothing to write home about. ive always enjoyed that mass effect has a linear storyline that you get stuck into and follow through at a good pace. now i know they said andromeda was going to be more exploration based game - which i would normally like! - but not when the exploration has almost nothing to do with the main story and is so fucking much that you could play for 3 days 12 hours a day and not get to the next bit of the main storyline!! when you space it out too much the audience - or i - loses all connection with the sporadic main plot and what we are actually supposed to be doing so much so that by the time you go to play the next segment you dont even really know why youre there or whats going on. similarly the plot never made me go :O which the ot did a lot. an example ive mentioned before is that seeing the citadel always makes me go ahhh!!! the nexus by comparison is pretty boring. despite its flaws i love the storyline surrounding the reapers and it always gets me each time i play. sitting her writing this if you asked me to detail the main plot of andromeda i honestly couldnt. i cant remember what i did or in which order. theres no substance or linearity.  

- the exploration: i again cant believe im saying this but swtor a mmo game from 2011 has more interesting open worlds with more MANAGEABLE and relevant side quests than andromeda. they might be beautiful but none of the worlds stood out to me - though i loved elaaden and the downed remenant ship star wars reference. i dont mind doing a few bland side quests but when there in the 50s and they lead you on goose chases across entire planets i begin to get agitated. i cant recall the amount of times i had to go back to planets like kadara for one 5 minute firefight and a couple of lines of dialogue. going through the galaxy map animations, the landing animations, the lift down to the slums then crossing the threshold to actually reach the map to THEN find your destination? yeah im pretty done by then.    

- side quests: tying into the above side quests! bioware hinted theyd learned a lesson from dai and taken inspiration from the witcher 3 for their approach to side quests and they appear to have done neither. there are MORE side quests than there were in dai and i actually didnt mind dais but andromedas have become an issue for me - probably because there were so godamn many. they dont have any baring on the story and they are bland and uninteresting mostly fetch quests. i hate bringing the witcher into this because i dont like giving praise to cd projekt red but the truth is bioware could stand to ACTUALLY learn from the witcher 3. the side quests in that are small in number, long in plot and actually connected to the main story. they dont make you feel like youre straying from the plot, their content is deep and very good and they quite often have major consequences. see triss’ quests in novigrad.  one thing i will say is they did seem to take a little of the last into andromeda. some choices have consequences ie saving the salarians over the krogan. that was pretty cool but still underdeveloped. 

- the relationships: by the end of the story i  can say I love all my squadmates despite the fact that i feel like i barely got the chance to know them (the only one il say i dont know at all well enough to love em is gil who has no content aside from the incredibly uncomfortable jill storyline and i wonder why hes the negelected one hmm?). i loved how they moved around and talked to each other but the amount of times i went round to see them and they had nothing to say was a LOT compared to the fact that in me3 everytime you went to see someone they had something (or multiple somethings) to say often without having to enter into a cutscene style animation just to see if they actually want to talk. in terms of romantic relationships ( i romanced peebee) i was disappointed by how little your romanced companion interjects on the story. at least in peebees case there was very little content and she seemed hardly bothered when my ryder got injected then killed herself and then died AGAIN to save them aside from a little snarky “hands off” comment when the archon grabbed her face. she mentioned a little bit back on the ship but compared to me3 and how liara/garrus/ash/kaidan would interject a lot on mission and have hints to their romance sprinkled throughout it felt like another forgotten thing. not one person on the ship mentioned me and peebee aside from a quick thing from sam when i went to see him in my cabin. also jazzed up sex scenes dont mean anything if the rest of the relationship is bland and overlooked. i prefer liara and sheps me3 scene 10x over peebees (my little gay heart still cries). 

- the music: WHERE WAS THE MUSIC??!?! one of my favourite things about games FULLSTOP and the cherry on top of mass effect has always been the music. to this day i love the atmosphere that noveria creates and vigil makes me fucking cry. the suicide mission gets me pumped and leaving earth leaves a gaping hole in my chest. (diverting a bit even dai had fantastic music. in hushed whispers, the lost temple and thedas love theme are among my faves.) aside from the heleus galaxy map music and the ambient from that one destroyed planet i cant recall a single piece of music that stood out. i can remember about 3 tunes overall the map, the main menu and the one that plays a lot when you fight kett. there wasnt even any proper ambient music for the worlds!!!!! there arent words for how upset i am that theres no fucking mission themed bangers. im just really sad about this.       

i think at the end of the day a big reason for me why i havent loved it is because as ive said before it doesnt feel like mass effect to me. to a pretty great extent i think the reason for this is the decision to move to the Andromeda galaxy. the absence of shep and the crew and the normandy is another huge factor but rather unavoidable in terms of continuing the games, but moving to andromeda has robbed the series of everything that made it mass effect. the mass relays, the citadel, the council, the alliance, earth, thessia, palaven they all made mass effect mass effect. Not to mention the quarians (one of my fave races ever), the drell, the volus, hanar, batarians, vorcha they were all a part of what mass effect IS. even the architectural style of the colonies, the nexus its all different and it doesnt have any connection to the ot and the world it created. andromeda feels like its own game completely unrelated to mass effect and one that when considered on its own has an incredibly shaky foundation and sporadic storytelling. at the end of the day it was fun to pass the time but as a huge mass effect fan i feel it was incredibly disappointing and to be quite honest i dont consider it a part of the mass effect i love.