#if i cant draw anything new i can at least finish up old art

[fallowtail]

finished up an old flower sketch from january <3 she's just a little guy

[ryemackerel]

HALLO i was wondering how you get out of art block?? your art is very expressive and i absolutely adore all your colour choices and designs. ive been having trouble with art block for a very long time now so i’m just trying to ask other artists how they get outta it <3 i hope u have a niceday yesyes

OUGHH HELLO!!! holy crap, art block is the WORST. everytime i encounter it, its always hard to beat it D: theres days where i feel like i WANT to draw something so badly but my brain just. cant function

i dont have a definitive solution for art block, but whenever i do, i have a few ways to cope with it. sometimes they work, sometimes they dont? but whenever the time comes and im just sitting at a brick wall, i got some survival tips

1. come up with random silly ideas,, it could be anything: random words, phrases, scenarios. they can be as nonsensical as you want them to be. during art blocks, my mind is completely dry with ideas, so i always try to compile a list of ideas from the past so i can come back to them later on. i try to come up with random duos or something as simple as “mcdonalds date”. i might not work on these now, but maybe some random lil word can spark that creativity in me

heres my art ideas list… i have some ideas that are like 8 months old in there BGAHSGA, but i save em there till i feel like working on them

2. STRUGGLE DOODLES!! i like to make a bunch of doodles of random scenes that i think about in my head. doodle practically anything. your favorite person, favorite animal, something you see outside your window, frogs?

heres a few of mine. most of the time, i NEVER get to finishing them. however, during art blocks sometimes i like to go back to really old, incomplete guidelines and add some new, random addition to it. sometimes i forget what my sketches were exactly meant to be? and i guess thats the fun about interpreting stuff and giving things a new spin to them. during art blocks, i HATE trying to come up with new drawings from a blank canvas (since i dont even have any ideas to begin with). but working on old wips, or completely revising them? sometimes these can be super fun :]

[and bonus tip!! and this is like, a golden tip that everyone loves: going back to super old drawings and redrawing them!! its my favorite. i absolutely love seeing the improvement ive made over the years. its also pretty easy to work with since you dont have to stress about coming up with completely new ideas from a blank slate! GAHH i should do that more often.]

3. search up your favorite fanart, go on pinterest, anything. i love this one.

search up some really cool photos of outfits, aesthetic backgrounds?? i find myself searching up a lot of fanart of fandoms im in, any word with “aesthetic” at the end, casino aesthetic, anything! pinterest has always been my go-to platform to find ideas. i go on the app and not even a second in, im blown with all of this cool art n character designs. i have a problem saving almost everything i find into my boards, but at least i saved a chock-full of ideas i can work with. :)

a thing about me: ive never been the type to try and force my art block out. whenever im facing a block, its extremely difficult for me to come up with things on my own. sometimes i let it wait for a while, but that tends to take a REALLY long time. D: if i dont feel like drawing, or doodling, or really doing anything? i always like scrolling through really pretty photos. that tends to spark a small idea in me i can work with, and sometimes i manage to get out of art block from there. it starts out small, then over time it gets even better.

these photos especially gave me WAY more motivation than i ever had to draw wilbur during an art block moment. i started off making small random doodles of him in a neon city and over time it kinda turned into a fixation for neon cities. i LOVE imagining characters in random photos i find on pinterest.

wishing you the bestest in your art journey!! this crap’s tough but i know you can break it yo. thank you so much for the ask!

feel free to reblog and add your own ideas below :] i was only able to come up with a few, but if youd like to add on, go right ahead! /noforce

[iggurichan]

now that 2023 is over (and i didnt overslept like yesterday), i figured it was time to properly talk about my thoughts during the year. back in early march i decided that i wanted to make my art accounts more active by doing weekly drawings. honestly i thought i would've stopped after the first month, but surprisingly i kept up the weekly upload schedule up until the end of september. obviously i didnt keep up with my weekly schedule after that, but it is pretty crazy looking back on all of the drawings i did, easily the most i have done in a single year. just looking at my archive on tumblr speaks for itself when you see the content from the years.

as for what's next in this year, it's hard to say if i would keep up the weekly schedule since it probably isnt too realistic without leading to eventual burnout like last time. however, i do enjoy drawing whenever and that is something i dont want to stop doing, i just wont be too hard on myself with deadlines to avoid that same mistake like last year. i also decided that this year i want to start up a small comic that i will be doing throughout the year, obviously im not expecting a lot of people to read it but hey it would fulfill that desire i had last year of keeping my art accounts active while doing something im interested in. i havent decided how the pace of the comic will go yet and i dunno how soon i can get that started, but maybe it will start in february? dont hold me to that, i get distracted easy whenever it comes to any side project as some people might know (doesnt help that i've recently been playing granblue versus last month). also i have a few unfinished sketches i never finished last year, i dont really have any plans on finishing them, but at the very least it cant hurt to share them.

however, i also decided that weekly i'll be answering some year old questions i have in my tumblr ask inbox as a way to buffer some doodles while working on the comic. though i only have 4 or so questions to last me a month, so if you want to ask me anything (within reason), feel free to ask me anonymously if you want to ask me multiple questions, i have no idea it would be you anyways. just know that your question wont be answered until february since i want to answer these really old questions first. this lets me do some fun doodles while keeping my art accounts active during drawing downtime. speaking of accounts, i still gotta post my past drawings onto bluesky, pixiv and etc, i've just been really lazy so honestly it's hard to say when those will be at the same status as my twitter and tumblr. but they'll serve as more options to show my art in the scenario that either site randomly dies one day. whenever i do update them, i'll also make a new pinned with my current accounts to reflect that as my current one was just a placeholder so my pinned wasnt a wall of text like this one is.

thanks everyone who checked out my art last year, it means a lot to me. doing drawings is a fun hobby and i enjoy looking back on the drawings i've done.

tl;dr upload schedule wont be consistent for my sanity, but i plan on making a comic this year, also ask me questions on tumblr to give me an excuse to do doodles weekly

[godoflobsters]

The Brothers and Dateables With a Tattoo Artist MC

My own MC was a tattoo artist before she came to the Devildom, so I thought I’d write up some head cannons with a tattoo artist MC.

MC is gender neutral!

Mammon

Nobody can convince me that the “Brothers Under a Pact” squad wouldn't be the first ones to get tattoos from MC, and Mammon would definitely be the first

Definitely likes to brag about it too

Don't remind him that there are countless people in the human realm that you tattooed before him or he will pout

People tend to think that Mammon is cheap and would try to talk you into giving him free or cheap tattoos, but he couldn't stand to be like that towards you especially regarding something that you’re so good at

Our first man works his butt off every time he wants to get some new ink from you

Likes to give you a big ole tip every time

Gets fidgety when he has to sit still for too long so you two have to take breaks often

Prefers small/medium sized tattoos rather than really big ones

One time after he started getting tattoos from you, he was at a modeling gig and they tried to make him cover them up with makeup, he quit and that magazine went bankrupt not too long after...dont fuck with the avatar of greed

Once your shop starts taking off in the Devildom, he and Asmo try to convince you to do a shoot for Majolish(They definitely didn't pull some strings to get Majolish to do a whole segment about you and your business)

Beelzebub

The second brother to get a tattoo from MC

Refuses to get any food related tattoos: he doesn't want to accidentally take a chunk out of himself when he gets blinded by his hunger

This man has a very high pain tolerance and sits like a rock while you're tattooing him and you love him for it

He definitely needs snack breaks during longer sessions though

Has a memorial tattoo for Lillith over his heart that matches with one on Belphie

While making this list I was randomly blessed with the mental image of Beel with abuncha old school American traditional tattoos and you can pry that headcannon from my cold, dead hands

Mammon likes to brag that he has the most tattoos from you, but Beel might give him a run for his money, he doesn't mind Mammon’s bragging most of the time though, so he just lets him believe whatever he wants this time

Simeon

But Simeon has never been all that great at following the rules that they set for him

The first of the dateables to get a tattoo

He wasn't actually planning on getting a tattoo at first, but one day he overheard Luke trying to scold you for all of your tattoos(definitely before the incident with Beel and Lucifer in the underground tomb) and that was the only push he needed to jump on the “tattoos from MC” train

There is a lot of rhetoric in the Celestial Realm about how “Your body is a temple and you should not mark it”

He’s still not willing to stray too far from his roots though, so he’d probably get something with vaguely religious undertones

Absolutely delights in the shocked look on your face and the sheepish questions on whether angels are allowed to do this

Once he’s finally convinced you that you're not damning him to fall by tattooing him, the process goes by very easily

He is very easygoing and open regarding designs and he handles the pain very well

He absolutely loves to show his tattoo off, even when he goes home to the Celestial Realm and receives his reprimands from Michael

Leviathan

The third brother to get a tattoo from MC

Didn't want to get a tattoo at first, all of that physical contact and pain on top of it? No way

But then Mammon, Beel, and even Simeon all got one and he got jealous

You're HIS Henry, why are THEY the ones who get to wear your art? He might’ve been able to deal with his dumb brothers, but SIMEON TOO?

You gotta sit down with him and have a nice long chat about it, making sure this is something that he would actually want to do and not just his envy talking

Spoiler alert: It was definitely just his envy talking

He realises that he is actually oddly attached to the idea of getting a tattoo from you now though, so he comes up with designs and draws them on himself until he is certain that he won't regret it

Would get something tiny and probably gaming related

Definitely very squeamish about the pain aspect but the design that the two of you came up with is very simple and small, so he is able to make it through without fainting

He absolutely loves his new tattoo...but he is never doing that again

Belphegor

Fourth brother to get a tattoo

Has wanted to get one ever since Beel showed him the tattoo he got in memory of Lillith, but things were very...not good...between the two of you at that point

Finally worked up the courage to at least ask if you would be okay with it after the two of you made a pact

Beel, forgetting his super high pain tolerance, told him that it getting a tattoo doesn't hurt at all, so he was in for a big surprise when he went under the needle for the first time

Whiny at first, but he manages to stay very still for you

Has a memorial tattoo for Lilith over his heart that matches with one on Beel

Will definitely start to doze off during long sessions

Convinced Satan to get a matching Anti Lucifer League tattoo with him(definitely doesn't try to convince you to get one too)

Make sure that he does not, under any circumstances, actually fall asleep while you're tattooing him. He did once and he rolled over in his sleep, almost ruining an entire tattoo

Ever since that time, Beel has come with him to his sessions so you could focus on your work and he can focus on keeping Belphie awake

Satan

Gets his tattoo not long after Belphie

One of those people that think every tattoo needs to mean something so he takes forever trying to pick out something that he wants

Would probably get some sort of quote or design inspired by his favorite book, something that really resonated with who he is as a person

Was somehow convinced by Belphie to get an Anti Lucifer League tattoo

Does he regret it whenever he realizes that he now has a portion of his skin dedicated to Lucifer of all people? Possibly, but he definitely won't say anything about it to you

Loves to look at you and just admire your tattoos, asking the stories behind each and every one of them that he can see

He might be a bigger fan of literature than the fine arts, but that doesn't mean that he has any less of an appreciation for your work

Definitely pulls some strings and gets one of his friends who owns an art gallery to display some of your work there

Can set you up with all the connections that you need to make your mark on the Devildom art world

Lucifer

The last of the brothers to get a tattoo

In the beginning he has no intentions of getting a tattoo, he does have alot of respect for your talents and how hard you work for them though

As an art lover and artist himself, he will most certainly commission you from time to time and hang your work in his study

He won't admit it, but seeing your art and thinking of you when he's stressed with work is very soothing

He eventually decides to let you tattoo him only if it’s in a place that is easily covered by his clothes, considering how he dresses that leaves you with pretty much his entire body to work with

Sometimes when he has some time off he will grab a sketchbook and join you if he finds you in the common room working on a design, you share a comfortable silence, with the only sounds be the crackling of the fireplace and the scratching of pencils on paper

The kind of person that wants a tattoo but has no idea what he actually wants, but hes picky as fuck so he will turn down every single idea that you give him for weeks

He is lucky that you love him

Whenever you two talk about placements, if you mention anything on his back to cover up the scars from his wings he will almost back out entirely

Almost

Afew months later he’ll put his pride aside come back, admitting that your ideas would be perfect and that he wants to go through with it

During the session he has way too much pride to admit that he was feeling any pain

That is until you have to start going over the scars

As soon as the needles hit scar tissue he starts to fall apart; tears, shaking, the whole nine yards

It takes you quite a few sessions to finish since he cant handle such long sessions on that portion of his back

The summer after his new back piece is finished, he goes with you and his brothers back to Diavolo’s beach, this time he takes his shirt off in front of everyone for the first time since the fall

He wears your art with such pride that he lets everyone keep the memory, he even lets Asmo keep the pictures he took of all of them up on Devilgram

Diavolo

Wanted to be the first to get a tattoo but Barbatos said no

If you want to continue your career in the Devildom for the duration of your stay, he will buy you a building to work from and any supplies to get started since you had to leave your stuff in the human realm

Diavolo has rooms in the castle filled with the art that he's collected over the years, so when he sees that you're an artist he gets so excited

Before he finally gets tattooed by you, he buys a lot of your artwork and hangs it up around the castle

It takes a few years to propose the idea again to Barbatos in a way that wont make the butler’s hair fall out from stress, but he finally relented under one condition: it has to be in an area that is still hidden while he’s in his demon form

He decides that his legs would be the perfect place to indulge in your artistic talents while also keeping Barbatos’s controlling side at bay

Hes another one that knows he wants a tattoo but no clue what he wants to get

Unlike Lucifer though, he is a true open canvas

He truly adores your art so he wholeheartedly trusts you with his body and knows that he will love anything that you do for him

He knows that this is most likely very nerve wracking for you considering his position so he tries to reassure you and make the process very easy for you

You still put everything into designing him something fit for a king

He’s the type to prefer large pieces that span over entire sections of his body rather than abuncha small/medium sized ones

Another fidgetter, he’s really not all that accustomed to pain so he doesn't have a high tolerance for it

Likes to treat you to dinner at Ristorante Six after each of his sessions

Tips like the absolute king he is, you could probably pay a couple months of rent back at your apartment in the Human Realm just from his tip

Once his tattoo is finally finished and healed, he will find every excuse that he can think of to invite you and the brothers on outings to places where he is free from scrutiny to wear shorts and show off your artwork

Barbatos

The last of all of the boys to get a tattoo

It was a complete shock to everyone when he came to you and asked if he could make an appointment to get tattooed by you

“Everyone” being you, Diavolo, and Lucifer because nobody else knows that it happened and he would like to keep it that way

Another member of the “I’ll get one as long as it’s somewhere nobody will see” club...so basically not his face

Before the two of you get to talking about designs, you expect him to go with something small and simple, maybe an elegant little teapot or something along those lines

Then this man comes to his consultation and throws you for a loop talking about a sleeve

Very picky, he has high standards for himself and what's on his body

Knows exactly what he wants but does his best not to stifle your creativity during the design process

You learn ALOT about just who lurks behind Barbatos’s mild-mannered butler facade during his sessions, he’s surprisingly upfront and honest whenever you have him under the needle

Solomon

Can't get a tattoo

This man has pact marks for 72 demons all over his body, there is simply no more room

Any open space he has is being saved just in case any other demons *cough* Lucifer *cough* ever decide to come around to making a pact

Collects your flash and hangs it up around his room

If you take Diavolo up on his offer to set up a shop in the Devildom, he will make sure to tell all of his pact-mates about you, hype up your work, and get you a lot of business in the door

Sometimes he will commission art from you and use magic to make your art temporarily appear on his skin over the pact marks

Once you become a sorcerer and have a better grasp on your magic, he helps you experiment in creating magical inks and enchanting tattoos

Asmodeus

The only one that actually doesn't want to get a tattoo

He doesnt think that tattoos would fit in very well to the image that he has for himself

And not being able to show off every inch of his beautiful skin while its healing is a no from him

Since he likes to test out his new makeup and skincare products on you, sometimes after he has had his way with your face he will let you draw on him with skin safe markers

would definitely be a wimp about the pain

Will spam pictures to his Devilgram of his fancy new temporary tattoos and you drawing on him

Will definitely try to bring you some of his flings to get his name tattooed on them, you will have to reprimand him every single time and eventually he will stop

If you're not the type to keep up with social media, he’ll offer to keep up a Devilgram account for your shop

If you're ever attempting to draw and you have a very specific pose in your head that you can't find a reference for, he will not hesitate to get up and start posing for you

Luke

He is baby and cant have any tattoos until he's older

His mind frequently bounces back and forth between the whole “your body is a temple�� rhetoric that he was taught growing up and “wow that's so cool!”

After Simeon got his tattoo Luke became a lot more enthusiastic and curious about your job though

Will occasionally ask if he can have one of your flash sheets so he can color your pictures

These very often end up on the fridge in Purgatory Hall

Sometimes they even make their way to the fridge in the House of Lamentation too

Will this make the brothers jealous? Yes. Do you care? No.

Luke loves you and looks up to you so much that he goes through a little phase of wanting to copy you, yourself and the entirety of Purgatory Hall can expect loads of temporary marker tattoos

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for the Avengers’ days off

Avengers x reader

warnings: stabbing mention lmao, guns

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “can we have a y/n just chilling with all the avengers?”

over the years, it was hard to have a peaceful day off, but sometimes that was the priority

each avenger had a preference on what they liked to spend their free time on

but we all know that there’s never a true stress-free day when it comes to your team

most of you preferred sleeping in, but not cap or sam, it was 6:00am sharp for them

you had begged tony to soundproof this place, but noooo

“it’s just not practical, what if someone’s being stabbed? what if we cant hear them yelling for help?”

so you could hear the clattering of the kitchen and buried your face into your pillow

sooner or later you’d roll out of bed and find breakfast had been cooked for the whole team

“‘morning, y/n! we made eggs, toast, bacon, waffles, and cut up some fruit! here’s your plate and here’s some juice”

“oh, wow, smells great”

it could’ve been worse, at least there were no coffee grounds in the disposal so you didn’t have to hear tony complain

speaking of tony, he emerged from the hallway in his silk robe with bags under his eyes

“well, i dont know about you guys, but i slept great!”

“how many hours of sleep did you get, tony?”

“you know, like...two”

sooner or later, the rest of the avengers had been woken up and everyone gathered in the living room to watch the news and talk about their plans

“can we watch something other than the news? i’d honestly be down to watch spongebob, anyone else?” -rhodey

you were in charge of the remote

“hell yeah, i thought you’d never ask”

this full group of adults peacefully watching nickelodeon together until everyone was finished

now there was a pile of dishes in the sink and a very dirty kitchen but everyone just kind of forgot about it and went on to other things

so what relaxed the avengers?

well, most of them liked to train, but they had other hobbies too

like steve, he liked to draw (every once in a while he showed you his sketches and they’re honestly really good?? especially the redraw of a monkey in the ‘40s)

sometimes he even asked you to model poses for him

“just another minute, y/n, you’re doing great”

*you standing on one shaking leg in a kick position*

steve made u draw with him

“it’s therapeutic”

you left your art in his room and now it’s hung up on the fridge

and then there was tony, who was working on some new inventions that you were a bit worried about

you snuck past the lab, but FRIDAY told him that you were near

“y/n! come help me with this really quick!”

“damn, so close”

“can you try this on and shoot it at that target over there?”

“why cant you do this?”

“because your body is able to ‘take the heat’ or whatever that dumb catchphrase you have is”

luckily it worked, but “not good enough” and you ended up helping tony hold the thing in place while he worked

“so, how’s your day off going so far? do anything fun?”

“hung out with steve while he was working on some sketches”

“so i’m going to take that as a ‘no’”

tony relieving you of your duties so that you could roam the compound once more

hearing wanda play guitar!! you loved hearing her play!

“knock knock”

“come in”

you laid in her bed for a while and listened to her soothing voice, it made up for tony’s lab assistant thing

“do you know what’s for lunch?”

“i think today’s special is ‘serve yourself’”

you and wanda went off to the kitchen to make macaroni and cheese (because why not??? im about to make my own mac and cheese)

(also u made tony a pb&j bc u knew damn well he wasn’t coming out of that lab for a while) (u gave him lightly salted chips too bc he needs to cut down on his sodium)

“tony, eat lunch”

“aww, for me? you shouldn’t have”

yall think wanda watches shameless?? bc i kinda do and these are my headcanons so she watches shameless

“we’re more unstable than the gallaghers, they should make a show about us”

she almost choked on her mac and cheeseeee

“keeping up with the avengers”

“‘tony, what the fuck is up with your wifi, you have this big-ass compound and you can’t afford a wifi box out here?’”

“‘it’s not about affording, it’s about radiation’”

“‘you’re gonna die anyway! you understand that, right? die with a good snapchat going through!’”

nearly pissing yourself laughing

but vision asked wanda a favor and you wandered off to another part of the compound

ah, yes, the training room

clint, nat, sam, and rhodey were all in here; it was target practice day

“y/n, grab a gun and get over here!”

“a gun? let’s teach y/n some archery”

“nobody wants to learn archery, clint”

“what? you said you wanted to”

“yeah, but you never taught me”

“well, i can teach you right now”

“fine, let’s go!”

red-wing flew very close to your head

“watch out, y/n!” -sam

“dude, you’re gonna kill them” -rhodey

“seems like now is a bad time?”

everyone was just kind of bickering as per usual, you were just a teeny bit bored

but sam agreed to a round of hand-to-hand combat that really relaxed you

no, really, the best stress reliever is a peaceful fight between your roommates

you were kinda glad it wasn’t nat you were fighting because she’d probably put you on the mat twice a minute

soon, each of you worked up a sweat and you went to your private bathroom to take a shower

there was always hot water at the avengers compound, so that was a comforting thought

after you were out, you got dressed into some cozy pajamas and walked out to the kitchen, where wanda and vision were making dinner

a few avengers were already out on the couches, just watching the tv

you joined them and suggested that they should all watch a movie tonight

“what kind of movie?”

“i dont know? hot tub time machine?”

everyone agreed

and side eyed steve when sebastian stan popped up on screen

“guys, i really dont see the resemblance! cant we just watch the movie?”

“are you blind??”

“his 90 year old eyes deceive him”

it was a good dinner

“sam, you stink”

“i havent taken a shower yet”

what a loving family

[meatpower]

Please consider helping me pay off a debt and afford necessities

Hello, I wish I didn't have to do this but I have to. I'm a 20 yr old autistic lesbian and I got into some shit. I'm not sure how to word any of this, but...

I woke up today to find my bank account has been blocked. I'm not sure how to translate these things, some of them may be specific to Czech republic and I don't know the english terms, but basically I'm in debt because I got caught on public transport without a ticket ONCE when I was 15 years old and couldn't afford the transport ticket on my way from school. I know this is on me, but I completely forgot about it. I didn't receive any warnings or letters or calls - they always silently wait at least 5 years, with the debt getting bigger every day without your knowledge, and when youre an adult they come at you full force.

I don't know if this happens in other countries, but it's a staple batshit thing in my country everyone knows about. There's children hundreds of dollars in debt because of public transport, it happens so often, it's always in the news and stuff. It's revolting and now it happened to me.

My debt is 455 dollars, and they already seized all the money on my bank account, which left me with nothing, and I have to pay 234 more dollars. I'm devastated.

I have no means of getting this money right now. I'm currently finishing last year of school and I have to pass what I'll translate as big ass state exams in less than a month to graduate. I don't get paid until the 20th of this month, but I still need to pay rent and buy food until then, and the amount I'll get would just barely pay it off. Since my brother and I moved recently, we have no furniture either and I was saving up for necessary items, which is now gone. I also just got approved for disability pension, but they're still in the process of calculating the money they will give me, which usually isn't much, but it helps.

So, I need to pay off the debt and afford rent and food on top of that, so Im gonna try asking for donations. My mom said she's gonna help me a bit, but she is poor as well as it is, so I decided to try my luck here as well. Please don't feel obliged to donate - I get it, money is tight and I'm not the only one struggling, and if you don't have much yourself, take care of yourself first - but if a fraction of my followers had some money to spare and was so kind to send me even a dollar or a few cents, it would be incredibly helpful. Anything helps a lot and I'd be eternally thankful.

In return, I can offer you art, which you can find on @xuve (original drawings) and ig @hrothgart (fanart), so if you donate and want a drawing, message me on here (I don't have much time rn though so it would take me a bit longer than usual to finish the commission!).

I will take emergency commissions for less money than usually, but I'll still set some price points because unfortunately I can't afford to draw for less than that right now. The complexity scales with the amount, but let's say...

2-9 bucks would be a doodle with simple coloring (again complexity scales with the amount), 10-19 bucks would be a fully colored character or a portrait (I can draw furries, humans, animals, real people etc...) And 20+ dollars would be a scene with a background. If you have something else in mind, feel free to suggest anything :)

I'm bad at summing things up but...

TLDR: I got caught on public transport once when I was 15 and couldn't afford a ticket, I forgot about it because they kept silent for 5 years with no warnings while the debt grew bigger, and now they want 455 dollars, half of which they seized from my account, which is now blocked as well. This thing happens in my country a lot. Im left with money in the negatives and I need to afford rent and food. If you were so kind and sent me even one dollar so I can afford to live, I'd be really thankful, and I can draw in return.

My PayPal is emma.g@post.cz (excuse the deadname). If you cant donate, a reblog is always appreciated. Thank you so much!

[sngalbums]

Pander Sera Deviates From Her Own Deviations on Errant LP [Excerpts from an Interview]

The original interview appears on Grimy Goods. The introduction is reprinted in part below. The conversation that follows is a continuation of that article. 

After establishing her own rhythms, Pander Sera is ready to shake everything up again. Last spring, the Los Angeles noise artist, also known as Swan, released Bothy, a raucous explosion of percussion and wit. The sound of that record was unified and relentless—ambitious enough to leave a distinct mark, though not quite the breadth of musicality that Pander Sera is capable of. On Errant, she rights the ship by sinking it.

Read the original interview. Continue reading for more. 

Pander Sera | buy Errant | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Soundcloud | Bandcamp

---

Did you make the art for this record? Tell me about it.

SWAN: Yes! ... I started ashing in my painting and smearing it around. ...

That’s ash?!?!

SWAN: Yeah, it’s like tobacco and ash and a very small amount of brown and black paint splattered against it. And there’s a bit of my hair in there too.

That’s so cool. I guess I assumed it was black paint. Have you put white paint over it or did you scratch out the eyes and mouth? The exposed canvas at the top also feels like a nod to Bothy’s corrugated cardboard texture.

SWAN: The eyes and mouth were white paint I believe. Yeah, I’m looking at it right now. They are three-dimensionally protruding from the canvas so yeah I think it’s white paint. As for the unfinished corners, I was in a rush to try to expressively finish [the painting], but I really like that you can see the corners of the canvas and…everything seems to have some sort of inherent connection. Even if I didn’t realize it at the time, it connects with a lot of the songs and the feel of that album. I very much like drawing awareness to the medium. Which is a funny cuz some critic could look at it and say it’s unfinished or it’s amateur. But not if it was intentional! But yeah in this case, I can assure you, it’s not an excuse.

---

---

You have described Errant as “an album about veering from a course.” Are you referencing a specific course that you have veered from?

SWAN: Several specific ones! ... Bothy had an intention from the get-go. We had been building a studio downtown and I suddenly found myself with access to these more professional resources. So we thought, “let’s make a pop album! Let’s do it every step of the way the way that a pop album would be produced and released.” To me, it became this sort of performance art that only I was aware of after awhile because the process ended up taking years. [laughs] I would not recommend such a foolhardy endeavor without better proper planning and things like that. 

I was so inundated by the sound of Bothy that I wanted to do a completely different thing. I think “Con Past Young” was one of the first songs that came to fruition in that way. It came into my head and I thought OK, I want to try to see what I can do with this instrument that is so ubiquitous. I don’t necessarily think I do anything impressive with the guitar on the album but I really enjoyed using it as a texture and as like a new paintbrush. Shoot I’ve gone off course. I’ve erred! [laughs] 

---

[about the flow and structure of Errant]

SWAN: There’s this very intense early early childhood memory I have of the first time I was introduced to a narrative structure that seemed to have no end, like an infinite story. It terrified me. I read Wind in the Willows before I would go to sleep and all of these beautiful stories intertwined, but it didn’t really seem to have a beginning, middle, and end. It was just this continuous cycle and that really intrigued me. After I got over the initial existential dread of there being no form, I mean, look at me now: as an adult who does not abide by binaries and loves noise music and so forth. I really enjoyed the freedom of that fluidity of this infinite story being told, and you can find that in a lot of old errant stories. They’re called knight-errant like old King Arthur type shit. That’s all well and good, the Lancelot stuff, but I prefer different forms of those legends. 

---

You describe how Bothy had this particular sound, which differed from what you were doing before that record. So in a way do you think that on Errant you’ve returned back to what you were doing in the pre-Bothy era?

SWAN: In some ways yes and some ways no. ... [Yes] in the sense that this was an album that came from more personal wanderings and meanderings. It is a return to when I was living in Santa Cruz and I would just record some bird in the forest and go back and suddenly I’d have a trip hop beat. Day to day, and I believe I’m not the only one who experiences this: you just wake up almost a different person. My interests are so varied in terms of the kind of art that I want to make that sometimes that can be paralyzing, you can get frozen and go, oh shoot there’s too many options, I’m drowning in options! But if you can sit down and say, ok I woke up with this song stuck in my head today that I’ve been working on so I’ll work on that. 

I can relate to the art paralysis. I like to paint, I’m trying to learn how to be a better photographer, I like to write (though that is now its own burden), and I’m trying to learn the drums. But then I worry that I’m spreading myself too thin, and why am I pursuing any of them? But I also just enjoy it whenever I can. 

SWAN: It’s unfortunate in a lot of ways because, in the creative field, you’re almost expected to be able to do it all. Or to at least produce it all. If you cant make your own art then you can find someone who can do art for you and you better be able to pay them. Oh, also! I’m really excited that you’re learning to play the drums! It’s a very healthy, cathartic activity. 

Yes, the catharsis has been great! Just smacking shit, it’s so fun. 

SWAN: Yeah! And then eventually learning oh, if I smack it a little softer then I can make a different sound. 

Yeah, well, I have an electric set and I think there’s a short in one of the cables. But it’s almost its own fun challenge. Because when you learn something some way, then when you hear it a different way, it’s uncharted territory. 

SWAN: Like a happy accident? 

Yes, exactly. When something different happens it’s not a bad thing. I’m trying not to think of it as wrong as much as it’s just not the way that it always is. 

SWAN: Exactly! What you just described, that’s the theme of Errant. [laughs] Or at least one of the arms of the tree of Errant. 

Pander Sera · Con Past Young

[cosplayinamerica]

Babality from Mortal Kombat // Cosplayer : rethinkcosplay

I’ve wanted to do a fighting video game cosplay for a while, but there aren’t many I play. Mortal Kombat has a special place in everyone’s hearts though, mine included. My friends would cosplay Mortal Kombat characters every year, and I was off doing my own thing and missing out on the fun. Sometimes it is hard to get to do all your ideas if you can only afford very little cons. Sometimes there’s more ideas than there are cons. This year finally became that year. Only given its Anime NYC, I didn’t know how my idea would fit, so I almost had to find a “cultural loophole” that would allow it.

Mortal Kombat features a lot of Asian-based characters and ideas, so I thought that yeah, maybe this is the time and place. I’m also not exactly one of the big famous cosplay people, so I like to do a huge outing. It’s important for people to know this comes from a little fella each time. I have like 700 followers between 3 profiles, so when you aren’t anything of grandiose size, it helps to dream big, and build that way to make up for it. But when people know you have a certain style, you cant just cosplay either. I wanted it to have its own special touch too, an almost manga-flair, or influence, with that tongue. Much of cosplay to me is interpretation; to be artful and not a literal translation of a character, I like to do my own “musical cover” on these famous songs, so I thought, well what is the weirdest thing to pull off in Mortal Kombat?. Then, I realized arcade machines kind of almost resemble baby strollers. I knew Babality was in there, and it just grew from there, but because the idea was on the backburner for so long, that allowed it to marinate and I kept adding things to it in my head before I could add to it in real life.

People are generally so nice it is overwhelming, you just want to stay in it all day to please everyone. Even if people don’t get it, they make fun, or laugh, I take it all in stride cause at the end of the day, they are laughing. They are happy. And you are the source of that. Getting fixated on a result you want isn’t healthy, and if I can’t leave with a good story or interaction, in person, online or other, doesn’t devalue the cosplay or my worth. The majority is love, to the point where it’s easy to take any pitfalls life has to offer. It’s too late if people hate it, I’m already wearing it. I do find it funny though that many times I’m at such an in-CON-venience that when I see people I know or recognize, I can’t do anything about it. I can’t tell if people think I’m unfriendly or whatever, by not being able to break apart and hug or talk to them. Then there’s also a thing itching my back saying “stay in character”. People are seeing this for the first time, and saying hello risks breaking the magic. But I would like people to know that I know it’s them, and that I do love them, yes I’m in pain, yes it is worth it, and because of cosplay life decisions, I can’t do anything about those things to illustrate that at the time.

Before anything is made, its all sketched out in my head. I never put anything to paper. I don’t draw – but I know how to draw out things from my soul. In real life, I worry a lot and overthink things, but if not for that ailment, I wouldn’t have these ideas come together the way they do. I overthink things through. I “rethink cosplay”. Overthinking is like a superpower. I like working with cardboard too, it has this school project, purity aspect, and behaves really well for what I want it to do. Anything more rigid is too costly or heavier.

So I start there as my base. I then break it down into steps, where to get parts, days parts are painted or attached, when to cut, xyz etc. I take my time with it so I’m not agonizing, or in that “con crunch” mode thing. I always have to have it done the month before. I have designated spots of what I want to achieve daily, and if I finish early its best not to continue. This allows for the brain to rest, and free flow these ideas, if not refine old and new ones. I try to follow exact measurements and the like, but it is exciting if it veers from what I see in my head too, new discoveries help with brain fog. I painted it myself, and whatever I wasn’t able to paint, I traced or got decals for. Then a lot of variations of glue was used to hold it together. Essentially, the cardboard arcade is a slip on cover for the stroller is what you are seeing. It had to be built in a way that was easy to manage to get around, so the wheels were nice, as was the size. But I didn’t account for how much comfort I needed, so I had to keep moving my body often. My head goes through the hole, and the arms have wooden rods that I move with my hands. I like that there’s this almost theatrical aspect too, as con-goers who would have no otherwise exposure to how cool puppetry is, get to have it brought to them. A very special effect.

How I came to cosplay is very interesting. I guess it is rooted in attending for so long, you have to find ways to keep it stimulating for yourself, that I cosplayed as an experiment. I used to go for panels and CGC grading originally – those were my things, but when I dressed up, and saw how people reacted, how happy they were, how happy I was, it became a feeling hard to match. I never wanted to go back casual again. It is love from people who love what you love, think about that. I tell everyone to do it. It is empowering. Uplifting. Beneficial for all. I’m very proud of my work as a Cosplayer. I’m secure in what I have, and what I accomplished so far. It started off innocently, but I feel that innocence has evolved, and taken on more meaning. It’s this artistic outlet. I noticed if you do not have some kind of artistic outlet you take on the pains of this world in its most concentrated forms. People could have worse outlets, but this one is mine. Maybe it’s what fills in the blanks for most?. Sometimes I find that what we lack, we make up for in creativity. Cosplayers are a different kind of bodybuilder. I have creative muscles for days. I always say the same mind that makes such big displays is capable of doing it again, that I try not to worry if this ability would leave me. It came from somewhere inside me to begin with. And so, the biggest thing I will ever do in cosplay hasn’t happened yet. I know what it is, but I’m not saying.

So this is actually my first time at Anime NYC, but one thing that sticks out is how cosplay-heavy it is, and food-based it is. When you go to these with little-to-no knowledge on what everything is, the craftsmanship also really stands out. So many people are dressed well, at least one in every three. All very creative people, and lots of pastel colors. Almost like a Pastel New York Comic Con?. Regardless, it reminds you of New York Comic Con in its younger years, being NYCC holds the flagship for so many good things now, it’s refreshing to be at a con not as congested. I was also surprised/relieved by how many people knew what I was, given what I was doing isn’t Anime. Thank you all for accepting me.

[beckzorz]

PREMONITIONS 2 (2/8)

or, Adventures in Pursuit of a Seven-Year-Old Seer

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Words: 1662 Summary: It’s been over a year since you met Bucky, and you couldn’t be happier. If only you could figure out why your precognitive niece is burying you in abstract crayon art… A/N: Happy new year!

Part 1

Your phone slips out of your hand and clatters on the ground at your feet. Blood rushes in your ears. You run to the front door, pull on your coat and boots, and yank open your door. Before you lock up, you remember your phone. You run back in and grab it. In another thirty seconds you’re in the street, trying to flag down a taxi. The freezing air stings your cheeks, your legs, but nothing compares to the terror flaring in your chest.

What the hell is happening? What was that call? Where is Gemma? Is Matt okay? What about Sarah?

Where is Gemma?

A taxi finally pulls over for you. You rattle off Matt’s address. “Hurry,” you add, voice catching. “It’s an emergency!”

The driver peels away from the curb. You can’t relax; you lean forward, breathing down your driver’s neck, not even buckled until he nervously asks you to sit back. Even then, you’re trembling, your blood pounding. You stuff your hands between your knees, but they’re shaking too.

Ten minutes never have never gone by by so slow.

The second he pulls up to Matt’s house, you open the door. You’re half out of the cab before you remember you need to pay. “Shit shit shit,” you mumble. Your purse is still hanging on its hook by the door back home.

You stare up at Gemma’s open window as you dig through your coat pockets. By some miracle, you find a twenty.

“Here, take it, keep the change,” you blurt, throwing the bill at the driver. You slam the car door shut and squeeze between the parked cars in front of Matt’s house.

The front door is unlocked. You burst inside, heart in your throat.

You freeze.

Half the stair runners are askew, and Gemma’s winter gear is strewn haphazardly across the living room. One of the couch pillows is in the kitchen doorway. You inch forward, barely breathing. The slow cooker is on the floor, and Sarah’s mulled cider is in a brown puddle across the floor, soaking into the pillow. A strangled sob escapes your throat.

You run upstairs to Gemma’s room. It’s empty, cold… The window is still open. Scribbled-upon papers litter the floor, covered in crayon and pen. Gemma’s bed isn’t made—but then again, it never is. You fall to your knees and press your hands to her bare sheets, willing them to reveal your niece. What’s happened to her? What’s happened to your brother?

In your pocket, your phone starts buzzing.

You flinch in surprise. Damn it, you should have called the cops by now! You pull your phone out and stare blankly at the screen before registering that it’s Bucky calling.

Thank god.

“Bucky!”

“Hey darlin’, how are y—”

“Matt and Gemma are missing!” you cry.

“What?”

You collapse onto Gemma’s bed. “Matt called and he said Gemma was missing and then someone else was there and the line went dead and now they’re gone and—”

“Woah, woah, hey, calm down,” Bucky interrupts. “Where are you?”

“Their house.” You sniff. “I haven’t even called the police, I just… ran over.”

“Okay. Okay.” Bucky is quiet for a moment, but you can hear his breathing accelerating. “I’m on my way there now. I’m going to call Steve, okay? If this is about what I think it’s about, we’ll be able to do more than the police. Okay?”

You bite your lip to keep your crying quiet. Instincts from the days before Bucky—most of your life, really—all want you to hang up and call the police. But Bucky’s not wrong. The Winter Soldier and Captain America have more resources at the arsenal than every police force in America. Probably.

“Y-yeah. Okay,” you tell him. “When will you be here?”

“Soon,” he says. “Where’s Sarah?”

“I—I don’t know. Her cider’s all over the kitchen floor…”

“Can you call her?”

“Um, okay. Yeah.” You sit up slowly. Your head is spinning, but you nod. “I can do that.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Bucky promises. “Call Sarah, and I’ll be there before you know it.” He pauses. “We’ll figure it out. It’ll be okay, darlin’. I promise.”

“Okay.”

You hang up. What else is there to say?

When you call Sarah’s phone, it rings from their bedroom next door. Your heart drops.

No one answers.

“Hello?” you call.

No one answers.

If Sarah is with her phone, why didn’t she answer it? Why would she ignore you?

She wouldn’t. She never has. The only options that come to mind are that she’s missing too—or she’s lying prone in her bedroom. Dead or unconscious.

You bolt to your feet and fly into the other bedroom.

An ounce of tension lifts from your shoulders. The bedroom’s empty; Sarah’s not here. At least she’s not dead—not that you can see. You still have no idea what’s going on, but at least you haven’t seen any dead bodies today.

“Darlin’?”

You jump. It’s Bucky. “Up here!”

Two sets of footsteps pound up the stairs. Two? You spin to face Bucky, who buries you in his arms without preamble. Over his shoulder, you see Steve going straight into Gemma’s room, his face drawn and focused. You close your eyes and let yourself relax into Bucky’s hold, burying your face in his chest.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs. His metal hand is secure across your back; the other is on your neck, warm and grounding.

“Oh god, thank god you’re here,” you whisper. You pull back. There are wet spot on Bucky’s shirt, and you lift your hands to your cheeks in surprise. Oh. You’re crying.

Bucky brushes your tears away, his eyes soft but his mouth set. “We’re going to find them. And then we’re going to make sure nothing like this every happens again.”

Bucky and Steve go through the upstairs one room at a time. You hover along behind them, trying not to get in their way, but the house isn’t big and those two aren’t exactly small. Every other minute, you’re in their way. But they never send you away. Bucky’s focused on studying the rooms, looking for clues, but he says nothing.

When they move downstairs, you linger in Gemma’s room. You kneel at her bedside again, tracing the empty indent on her pillow. God, what’s happened to her? Your sweet niece, with her happy laugh and her stubborn determination and her ominous certainty—

You put your head against the spot where she sleeps, wishing you could close your eyes and hear her breathing, hear her heartbeat, hear anything that would reassure you she’s alive.

Downstairs, Steve and Bucky start to talk. You sit up and listen hard.

“This has to be about her powers,” Bucky says.

“I agree.” Steve sighs. “What’s the plan?”

“What’re you askin’ me for?”

“She’s your… dammit, I’ve never even been here before, Buck! You know these people.”

A thump—did Bucky punch something? You hope he didn’t leave a dent.

“Keep it together, Buck,” Steve hisses. “Your girl’s upstairs!”

Before Steve finishes, you can hear Bucky stomping up to you. By the time he reaches you, you’re sitting on Gemma’s bed, your hands between your knees. You can’t imagine what you look like, what with the crying and the terror, but Bucky doesn’t comment. All he does is kneel at your feet and take your hands in his. He stares up at you with tender concern.

“How are you doing?” he murmurs. You shake your head, unable to meet his eyes.

“I don’t know. I keep wishing her damn bed would tell me where she is.” You force a laugh. “Crazy, right?”

Bucky joins you on the bed and pulls you into his arms. “No,” he says. “Not crazy.” He settles his chin on your head. “I’m sorry to do this, but can you tell me about the phone call?”

You tell him as much as you can. The phone call, your harried trip over, your exploration of the abandoned house. He listens in silence.

“—and to think, I was going to have a nice night,” you finish with a sniff, thinking of the unlit candles and the pie no doubt setting off fire alarms in your oven and the new lingerie. What was all of that against your brother, his wife, your niece? “God. That sounds so selfish.”

“Trust me,” Bucky says, pulling back, “it’s not.” He kisses away the tears clinging to your cheeks, then tugs you back against him for a last, brief hug. When he pulls back, the dismay is clear on his face. “I don’t want to leave you. But I—we, Steve and me, need to get to the bottom of this.”

“I’ll be okay,” you say. You’re pretty sure it’s a lie, but what does that matter? “Go. Find them. Save them, and then come home safe.”

Bucky squeezed your hands. He studies your face, his blue eyes intent as if he were memorizing you. “Yes, ma’am.”

After Bucky and Steve leave, you call the police as instructed. It’s easier to tell the story this time. Or maybe you’re just numb.

Either way, you let them take your statement. You let them root around your brother’s empty house. You let them bring you out of Gemma’s room, downstairs, outsi—

“Wait,” you blurt.

You turn and rush back inside, back upstairs, and into Gemma’s room.

“This is a crime scene!” one of the officers says, running after you. She tries to grab your arm, but misses as you kneel on the floor and pick up a piece of paper.

Your heart pounds. It’s one of Gemma’s drawings. All the other pages on the floor are pictures of people, of animals, of houses or rocks or flowers. This one, though?

This one is abstract.

You stare at the paper clutched in your hands as the officer leads you back outside. Her lecture goes in one ear and out the other.

Gemma, you think, what are you trying to say?

Read Part 3 here!

[frejann]

Game Grumps

Unrelated to anything but am I the only one who thinks Game Grumps have gotten kind of annoying lately?

Please dont get me wrong I love them all, I draw fan art, I support them whenever I can, I think they’re great people. But lately I cant really get into watching any of their new videos, the only ones I feel are fun sometimes are the 10 minute power hour vids.

I think what annoys me a lot is that they keep starting new playthroughs of new games almost every day, they play like 3 episodes in, not enough to even grasp the controls or the idea/story of the game and then they just never finish it. Its very annoying to see them start a game that I really enjoy and love and I think “oh wow this is gonna be awesome” but then they just play 3 episodes and quit, its very disappointing. If its a money/views issue, meaning that they quit games that dont get enough views, then why cant they focus on the games that do get views and at least finish those? I get that there are some games you cant finish because they’re super long, but at least make like 10 parts or something

Another thing is that they’re just so hyper. Idk if its because I’ve gotten older? I used to love their videos, I still love the old videos I rewatch them a lot. But the new videos most of the time just annoy me. I know its a well known meme that Arin ignores all tutorials and then complains that he doesn’t know what to do and thats fun to an extent, but after a while its just painful to watch, especially if its a really good game and you just sit and watch as they miss loads of fun and cool things just because they’re too lazy to read instructions and pay attention, at that point I start to think “why are they even playing games”.

Maybe it really is just me getting older, maybe they’re the same as they’ve always been and I’ve just grown out of it, But it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like they’ve changed a bit, which is a pity because I love them and I want to keep supporting them, but I’ll probably end up unsubscribing in a few weeks and just follow them on twitter instead

[kosmicdream]

Your Comic Baby

You know that comic or story that you made when you were a teenager (or sometimes even younger) that propelled you to really WANT to create it. FOR REAL. You put all your energy towards it, for years, determined that it was going to be the one you HAD to make. But then something doesnt go right because, comics are hard-- so you start over and over and over and each reboot gets a bit more discouraging because you have SO MUCH planned out for this thing and you’re just stuck in the loop of redoing the first 5 pages every couple of years. But something about that story, you just cant let go of. You still want to make it happen because you’ve invested and dedicated so much into it. I know that feeling. I call those stories.. your Comic Baby.

You might have a lot of babies. I know I do. But there’s always this one certain comic baby that i struggle with more than the others. Its a difficult baby because I first made this baby when I was 13. And over the course of my highschool years, I was very outspoken about how i was going to really make this a real book for everyone to read. I was constantly working on it, even taking sketchbooks and clipboards to draw it or the characters in class. People were waiting to read this story because they could see how passionate about it I was. But comics were a lot harder than I thought they would be in my mind. I mean, i knew they would be difficult but it was like my art wasn’t as good as I knew it could be when i drew comics. I didn’t get it. And I’d learn so much and so fast that once i got one chapter finished and ready to read, i didn’t like it anymore.

This process went on until i graduated highschool. This dream of making a comic. Specifically THIS comic. I had a lot of stories i was planning on doing, but there was this one comic i really REALLY invested just. My maximum comic energy into. It was different from the other comics and stories. Not that the other ones werent good, they just didnt have the same bond with me that I had with this story. This comic baby was gonna be the thing i was going to be known for and be the first comic i would presented into the world. And in the end.. it actually wasn’t.

I mean, it was, in a way. Eggshells is a prequel to that baby comic. Set in the same universe. Part of the same story, more like a mini test version reboot of the One True Baby Comic. I decided to give the comics thing another try and started to work on eggshells in August 2011, then to ink in Febuary 2012 and finally started to post it in 2013.. sometime.

I took a really long break from comics between finishing highschool and starting eggshells. I would try here and there, but not getting this baby comic out when i was still IN highschool somehow made me feel like a failure of an artist. I was very hard on myself. I didn’t really know if i was even capable of BEING a comic artist because my comics weren’t coming out how i wanted and I couldn’t finish anything. Besides that, I didn��t even know if I could even make them as a career. (I still don’t know if I can but I know I’m going to continue to try.)

When I decided to start Eggshells, i decided that it would be another attempt at my favorite baby comic because I knew that if any of my stories had the emotional legs to motivate me to get through to the final page-- it would be that one. That special baby comic. I poured so much work into planning and preparing everything in a very tradition sense. Scripts, thumbnails, drawing layouts and props and character turn arounds.. ect ect.

Then the fire happened and I lost my ‘comic bible’ of sorts. The rough draft sketches of the entire thing. It was very sad.

But even before then, actually inking pages was not very fun. Because the process i made for it was .. not very fun. I was running into the same walls that I always had when rendering comic panels. It just was too slow and I couldn’t get a consistent look that i wanted. I wasn’t sure where to put detail (or balance the detail) so I would over render constantly. I would zoom in too much. I didn’t know how much to shade and word bubbles annoyed me. I wasn’t very satisfied and I would spend way too much time on each page.

I felt pretty exhausted after trying to ink it for one year and not even getting through the first chapter. Doubt and old dread of not being capable of a comic artist weighed on my shoulders. Of course then, when the fire happened, i just decided to put all that aside again. My life kinda was.. thrown in a loop.

Similarly, my life has been thrown in another one of those loops. A different kind but still, the same sort of disoriented “where the fuck should i live” kind of things. Some of these feelings have come back, the anxieties and unsureness but.. mostly just remembering about them rather than feeling the SAME things. I have acquired a sense of accomplishment in my art .. just with a totally different comic that came out of no-where. (the worm one, you know.)

My relationship with my art has changed so much at this point and I’m so.. not.. what i had predicted for myself?? Not in a negative way. its just odd. FFAK is such a different comic than i thought I would make too. I would describe the experience of working on FFAK as like, im in a shitty junkyard car and ive decided to slam on the gas as hard as i can and see how far it’ll go. Then it just didn’t stop. It took me on a fucking journey but at 90 miles per hour. No careful consideration, so much explicit violence and sex, aggressive confrontations and social commentary. Sex hat jokes. I really got to see a side of myself that this story continues to bring out. And as I worked on ffak more and more, I would sometimes look over at the passenger seat at the Comic Baby. Crossing their arms judgmentally at me and giving me a look like “Having fun? What about ME? Wasn’t I the important one to you?? Am I not special anymore???”

So sometimes i’d feel bad. And try to work on that one again.. but it didn’t make me feel good. I felt like i had to ride the FFAK wave because that was what was happening in the present and I was discovering too much about myself to go back to this older thing that i had a frustrating history with. It wasn’t that I didn’t LOVE the other story, it just didn’t feel right to work on then. So i just let myself focus on where my energy was wanting to go: The Worm Fucks. And the worm fuck comic is the one people read first. Its the first comic of my own i really got to.. read and experience more than just the first chapter. Its been amazing but its so weird. I feel like its a different kind of artist that makes it sometimes.

I don’t regret the worm fuck comic being the one I’m known for but its still funny to me how easily it might have never happened. If the fire hadn’t taken away so much of my work, I probably would be still slowly pushing out pages for eggshells. Or maybe I would have given up and moved on to do something else with my art career? I don’t know. All i know is what I ended up doing was this weird worm comic that is still going on for .. thousands of pages! and has no end in sight! I didnt even expect eggshells to last 1,000 pages but now I can tell my page-pacing is different than how i expected. I still haven’t even finished a comic yet. Its weird? Am I able to finish comics? I guess I don’t know yet because I haven’t. i might “know” endings to my stories but its very different when actually getting it done. I understand that life is more complicated than that and things like fires can change the circumstances in 10 minutes.

So I’m feeling a fear about this uncertain future I’m facing, I’m seeing that I have to make a lot of huge life changes for where I am going to live and what I have to do to make money to support myself. I’m scared that my routine ive established with FFAK will have to change. I wonder if I’ll never be able to replicate the same exact “throw it all into the wind” energy of working like I was able to.. at least I know I can’t right now, because I need to be careful and calculated again. My surroundings arent stable enough for me to dive headfirst into my projects.

With that I’ve noticed I’m drawing eggshells a little bit and enjoying it like I haven’t before. Is it what I need right now? It feels weirdly comforting to know that, no matter what the history i have with this comic, I’ll come back to it and continue to pick at it a little. it makes me feel like, no matter where I’m going to be in this world physically-- my comics will come along with me and they dont have to leave. they arent a product of circumstance. I can get right back on the horse. Its just part of my life that doesn’t have to go away or be taken away from me. Its a nice secure feeling that there’s this art thing isnt something I have to start over. I’d rather build on what I’ve got and it might take me a long time but I enjoy the journey. That feels good to me.

Anyway, even if I’m scared about where i’ll go from here I know i’ll have my car of screaming comic babies at all different ages that are demanding my attention. and some are more patient than others, i’ve totally ditched some babies along the way that i might pick back up later or merge with other babies through some horrific experiment. I’ll even make some new ones because life inspires me constantly and I have so many problems to sort out and what better way than to project on some cool anime characters. but i love all my comic babies!!!!!! and they love me. i have unique and interesting histories with all of them.

comic baby is such a creepy word but it really feels like they are your strange brain children that are also you. i don’t ever want children of my own, but i can see that i pour.. small small aspects of that i think that energy might be into my comics. (im not pretending its actually the same thing to be perfectly clear.) They take up all your time + energy and make you constantly lose sleep..and they grow distinct personalities that you dont expect and have to deal with.. people will judge you for them and how you “raise” them (make them), you’re endlessly proud of these babies and protective and shed tears for them and want them to SUCCEED and live on forever. you want other people to love them TOO and see the best parts of them, for all their flaws. You want em all to grow up as you hoped or planned but they wont at all. They’ll be totally different but also better than you could have imagined.

Comics & Art are such a special thing to get to experience. While i hope that i can make my dreams a reality with my art, I know that they’ll always be an integral part of my life + how i experience and see life and i’m so thankful ive decided to really let room for it there. Its amazing to me that i almost thought it wouldn’t. and i wasnt going to be allowed to be happy with my art because it wasn’t good enough and i wasn’t enough. but i am. and it is good.

Thank you for reading. -Kosmic

[thornsuntitledtrash]

old art of mine, been redoing stuff and stuff. I’ll post some of the old stuff with the new stuff. I have saved drawings all over my room and computer.

Surface life

    Image 1; Red walked into his favorite bar for a much needed drink and finds a new face. Sitting on the bar stole was a woman, drinking shots left and right. She pause for a moment. pulls out a hand full of crushed $20′s and slams them on the bar table.

“6 more, please and thank you.” a little loader then what was intended. Chillby turned his head.

Chillby look at her and sighed, “....As I said before, I cant leave so many drinks on the bar top....but i will take your money. ”Chillby smiled and took the money and began making her drink.

“ugh fine, just easier to line them up and drink it with out waiting for the next one.” She said in a drunk whisper. She lean back a bit and closed her eyes.

Red sat down on his stole. The bar was slow tonight, a few customers here and there. Even a few humans in the far back table. Which is rare, but if they have the cash Chillby will gladly take it. As long as their not starting trouble. This being a monster bar and all. You get the Dumbest humans making the Stupidest  comments. Some raciest some borderline looking for a fight.

Chillby walks by and passes the woman her drink and walks up to Red, giving him his mustered without even asking.

“Hehe Thanks Chillby, been just die-en for a drink.” Red smiles and starts to drink. He hears a small snort from the woman two seats across from him. Her free hand holding her face head turned away, blocking his view of her. Chillby saying nothing walks off to attended to other customers. Clearly not in the mood tonight. Red smiles. He will leave Chillby be for now. He found a new distraction for the night.

He eyed the woman, dirty blond hair. She was a little on the short side. 5′2 or 5′3 maybe, but every human is short compared to him. She had on a gray button top with no sleeves, and a large magenta colored sweater that started at her upper arms going well over her hands and ending along her hips. To him it looked like on of those sweater dresses. Or it could be on XXXL sweater, either way she looked good. Her legs were long and curvy, covered in black knee high socks.  Red whistled to himself. ‘Nice’. He is a leg man, and those are some nice legs. Head still turned away from him but now looking at her drink. He seen a few good looking human woman. Though none would give him the time of day. Which is no skin off his nose. He-he!. But this Chick looked different, body wise.  She gave off the feeling, ‘ I don’t care. Leave me to my drink. Don’t bother me. ’ type of feeling. Not in a real rude way either. Also there was something about her. Something that he couldn’t put his finger on about her. She seem different from the humans across the bar. If anything she seem more similar to Monsters then human.

Come to think about it’s not the first time he had this same feel before with a human. Walking down the street he would past someone and not really paying much attention think it was a Monster but then turn and see a human. He shrugged it off and go about his way. Another time would be when he and Boss was shopping in a isle of can goods there was a spill. Chill Sauce, I think. Boss yelled that there was filth in the Isle. 3 seconds we both felt something, magic in the air. Boss thought it was an attack and was preparing his own attack so was he. We turned to see a human Employee run over and pause she said, “what spill?”. Boss pointed to where the spill was and there was none. The next Isle over someone yell back, ”Sorry!”.... but how did they get to the spill past us to the next Isle over?. We went to the next Isle and saw two humans talking, a Man scolding a child about being more careful when holding glass jars. Boss walked off making a comment on at least these humans have cleaning standers. Red followed thinking nothing of it after that.

Taking a big gulp of is mustered, Red looked at the woman finishing off her 2 out of 3 colorful shots. taping the last 1 with her finger. He decided. he wanted her attention. He didn’t know why. Maybe to see if her face matches the body he was admiring from two seats over. Getting up he walked over and sat down in the stole next to her. She somewhat laugh at the not intended pun earlier. Maybe that will get her attention now.

“Hey, haven’t see ya here before. I would buy you a drink but it looks like ya got it. Looks like 2 down and 4 to go.” Red says finishing the rest of mustered. She turned her head and looked at Red. ”Sorry had to ‘mustered’ up the courage to ask.” Hmm not bad. Not bad at all. Round face, full pink lips, pale skin, and her eyes. Icy blue eyes with a hint of violet. Her eyes looked relaxed could be drunk.

“..... Ha-ha, 6 down and 4 more to go yes. 1 more if your still interested in buying me a drink.” Maybe not drunk. She didn’t seem drunk if anything, just tipsy.

This went on for about 30 minutes. Puns flying and a little flirting here and there. Red had down 4 mustered bottles and she finished off her 4. He got her the drink he promised. Red found he was have a good time. She appeared to be have a good time as well. At some point they were interrupted by the humans at the table. Making rude comments about Monsters and Magic.

“ Hey Monster Stick to your own Kind.” one of human males yell out. His face clearly disgusted at there display. Which to be far was just talking. Nothing more.

Red was getting ready to tell him to shove it but was cut off. “I don’t think he should he has been great company. Plus if u have a issue here’s a tissue.” The woman he had been talking to tossed a balled up tissue there way. The turn back to Red as if nothing happened. “By the way you never introduce yourself.” she said to Red with a laid back smile. She was right I never did. Lets  fix that. he he.

“ Ha!, your right. The name Sans, Sans the Skeleton but you sweetheart can call me Red.” Smiling Wide, Red put out his hand for a handshake. Her hand held his. He noted that her hands were small and warm. Cute.

“ Well Red nice to finally know the name of the person i have been talking to for half an hour. My name is -”

“ Hey what’s your problem you into Monsters or some shit!.” The same human called out. “ Bet she is one of those types. yea? Like’s the danger thrill right!” Getting everyone attention in the bar. though there was only just them, Red and her at the bar and a 2 humans at a both by the door and a Monster bear looking out the window from his seat.Oh and Chillby not looking happy. “ If you looking for fun tonight just come on over. We will give you what your looking for.” He pulled up his shirt. showing off his broad chest. His Buddy's cheered.

“ Your safe will use. We have what you need, Skin for one!.” the male to his right call out show off this arms. The other was cheering his friends on recording with his phone. All 3 looked looked to be in there 20ish. All of them Drunk.

“Pf-ft hah hah haa!, who comes to a monster bar and is racist and ignorant of the people around them.” She turns her head to them looking bored. Her smile gone and eyes narrowed. “ You know what......there is a lesson here. Its people like you who get on my nerves. You say stupid things to get a rise out people. Thinking that if they do something I got friends, that got my back.” She sipped her drink and leaned on her other elbow. “ Whats wrong? can’t hold your own? Have to show how ‘manly’ you are by insulting others? or Show off what ‘little’ you have?” Clearly not interested in the their display. “if anything it’s cowardly. and I hate cowards.”

Red was a little taken a back. Chillby was just about to walk over and most likely throw them out. When there was a feeling of magic in the air like an magic attack was readying, but it was off it felt more like magic tension or-

“Chicken Shit...” She said pointing a finger at the first offender who made the first rude comment who started this. Magic came from her finger. Orange and Purple magic shot from her finger out it to the human male. There was a flash then a poof. In his place was a....

“..........bak bak”

“Dude! What the Fuk!!” said his buddy to the left

“ He’s a Chicken!!, A fuckin Chicken!!!. The other said dropping his phone.

Chillby, Sans, The Bear Monster and the other 2 Humans starred eyes and eyes light wide. Some Shocked that a now chicken is where a man once stood.

“ Not a chicken really but a rooster. I was going for Chicken ‘Shit’ but I’m a little more then tipsy. But I got results.” She got up and went to the door after downing the her last drink.

“Hey! What the fuck lesson is there to learn.!. Your braking the law using magic us normal Humans. Fucking Mages!” He scream looking at his now chicken friend.

“....Oh right the lesson. Um mm, don’t mess with People and keep your opinion to yourself. Plus this is a magic zone. Where I can use magic. Anyway he will change back in few.” She made it to the door then paused. “ Almost forgot.” She turned to Red and smiled and said, “ The names Yvette.” She left.

Tada!!! old art with story. The next image is just trying out faces for the sans and pap’s. The other image will have a story later on. Ill post it next maybe.....^w^/ Hope my spelling and storytelling is understandable.

[zebraslovescupcakestoo]

The Visit of Bendy De Mon.

In our little two-bedroom home on the suburbs of California, it was a nice afternoon day of April showers. The sound of the rain drops hitting on the windows calms me as I worked on the animation drawings in my personal art studio.

If anyone haven't guessed who I am, apart from my name alone, I'm Mickey 'Mouse' Disney. Yes I know, I'm that 'famous' poster boy for my father's animation studio and our company.

Many people would think why would I live here in this 'humble' house when my 'actual' home in in the higher class neighborhood? Simple, I'm working from the bottom to the top to earn my position. It was my choice to do so.

But that's a story for another time, I can tell you for now however, I'm not like the others who had their parents paved the road for them to get whatever they want.

I picked up my red pen and I continued my drawing of a dalmatian puppy. At least one OF them. I was reading a kids novel book on 'The hundred and one Dalmatians' one time at the book store to see if I can animate more stories to life. I really loved the story of what Dodie Smith have wrote and I believed it can work as a movie animation. When I personally called her, she was thrilled to hear me and shrieked when I wanted to meet her in person. We had brunch at a very nice cafe while we talked about negotiations on the permission to make her novel into a movie. I wanted to assure her that we will put her name in the credits and that we can still 'own' the animation. She told me she was delighted when I said that. Not to mentioned that her other novels are also good like 'I capture a castle.'

We had a pretty good meeting and I was very happy that I granted her permission to used her story in our animation. I tried to make most of it by my own two hands because of how much our spending goes with other animation projects like 'Sleeping Beauty.' If I can prove to my peers and my seniors that I can become a great animator like my father and the others, maybe I might take over our animation someday.

But for now, I must work hard to make it happened.

I then heard some metals clanged and someone I knew very well cussed in his Chinese dialogue. I put down my pen and went to see him if he's hurt. I opened the door and I see my big brother picking up some empty cans. It must mean that sound I've just heard means he might have dropped them when he carried a bit more than usual.

“You know, you could have ask me to help.” I told him. He tsked as he was picking up the empty. “Aren't you busy with your dalmatians project?”

“Not when someone needed help. Here, I'll carry this in your workshop.” I said as I held some of it and carried them to his personal work shop at the end of the hall.

That person I was talking to was my big brother, Oswald 'Lucky Rabit' Disney. He's actually my half brother, but I don't care even if it is true and he's always has my back just like I always have his since we were little. He's a really good mechanic, a mixed martial art expert, and many more talented guy even I cant barely compete! I wish people would see his as himself instead of him being related to either me or our father... I admit that sometimes I got that too when my father was mentioned, but my brother got it a bit harder than me.

But at least some people have started to recognized him as himself!

I put down the empty cans on an available table that wasn't cluttered. “Oswald, mine might not be the best example of 'tidying' his own project room, but you might considered to organized your tools and parts in a bin or boxes. Do you need my help to find some and organized?”

He gave me his usual serious, poker face and responded. “Whenever I did let you help me, You'd get either confused with the monkey wrench sizes, getting tangled in the wires, mix up oil with ink, misplaced some bolts and then had 'completely' forgotten where it go.” He pointed out my past mistakes and put his along with mine.

I sighed at that. “I was just trying to help you getting more organized and save you some time on searching what you needed instead of rummaging this pile of metals. Speaking of which, are those gonna be the paint bombs or smoke?”

“Which ever you made recently. It would be best to stock up as much as we can if ever 'you know who' started to act up suspicious again.” He grabbed his gloves and goggles to put them on so that he can get started on them. I quickly got back to my studio and grabbed a big jar of my 'special' paint I personally made myself. If you're a bit confused, let me explained on what I can tell you now.

Me and my brothers aren't JUST an animator and a mechanic... we have our 'other' identity when there's trouble... but for now, I cannot say more than I should. I entered back in his workshop and placed my 'special' homemade paint at the center of the table. We then hear some sort of a long car honking noise and some tire screeching outside of our place. We looked at each other and we can tell from our expression and our gut feeling that it might be someone we would NOT expect on a day like this. He immediately took off his goggles and gloves while I took my 'special' paint, hid it in a green barrel, covered it with some metal sheet of paper and then covered it again with a stained table cloth. I hurried to my studio to hid my sketches of the dalmatians and the book in my hidden safe behind a framed picture I've made of the characters we were named after. I then rushed down stairs and looked through our living room to see who it was.

I noticed an expensive black and white car model of an Alvis speed twenty SD drophead coupe. I only knew one person who can afford and own this type of car. It was obviously written on his license plate: Bendy De Mon.

Oswald yelled from the kitchen. “What the heck does that bèndàn want from us now?”

“SHHH! Oswald! He might hear you!” I hushed him and scolded.

“He doesn't understand Chinese, remember? Now keep him busy while I 'had' to prepared something.” He fired back.

Even if we don't like him very much, it's not polite to say rude things in that person's presence. Bendy might not be one of those people that I wish would be a bit more nicer, but I need to be on my best behavior.

Our 'friend' had sounded our doorbell and I took a deep breath to calm myself. It's just a visit, right?

I went to opened the door, but then he flung it and nearly hit me when I did.

“Nickel Mousey!” Bendy exclaimed with his personal 'grand' entry. He was wearing a mauve fedora with a black ribbon and a turquoise brooch. He had a mauve vest that was covered by a big, black fur coat that covered from his neck to almost his sock level. He also had his best black and white Stacey Adam’s shoes. He was also holding a dark grey cigarette stick like the ones some of he high society uses to look even 'dignified.'

“Why Bendy Dr- De Mon. What an unexpected surprise. I didn't know you were in California today.” I politely greeted him. “How are you today? I hope the weather didn't spoil your mood.”

He then started to talk like one of those high class tones.“Oh, I'm miserable, dear squeakers. Perfectly wretched! I was fine with the weather but I had to stop by at your father's small potatoes of a studio just to see you and the other bunny. I just 'had' to meet you two at least once in a while aside from whenever I 'visit' your deconstructed amusement park.” He puffed out a smoke and it's scent spread the whole living room. That scent... I really don't want to.

“I'm sorry that we took a day off and that our new amusement park had a few unfinished rides that needed to be either get finished or fixing. But we're doing the best we can and I hope you didn't had a hard time finding us.” I tried to explained him, but he was sort of busy looking around, passed by me and said. “Yes, yes. There's always some excuses. Now where's your studio?” He then demanded as he went upstairs quickly. Doesn't he knew he can take his shoes off here? I followed him as quickly as I could and I joined him in my personal art studio, rummaging and making a bit of a mess in my 'used to be' organized art supply. “Where are they? Where are they?” He demanded as he rummage through my papers. “For devil's sakes, where is it?” He raised his voice.

“Where is what?” I confusedly asked. He came up to me and furiously said. “Your 'secret' project! Don't you dare play games with me this time, Swiss cheese! I heard it from one of your slaves back at that puny excuse of a studio. You were doing some sort of a animation movie separate from the one that the others are working on.”

He heard that? Gosh! I had to think of something to distract him from it. “I really don't have anything new.” I tried to get him out of there. “You mean about this room? I would expect at least a 'dignified' painting instead of that lame @ss cartoon picture of that stupid mouse and rabbit over there.” He pointed out. “I'm sorry if not everyone liked the idea to have a chandelier hanging from his or her office like you do. We have some-” He cuts me off as he rudely pushed me aside. “Yes yes, some small break I needed after what I saw in here. Too much 'cutesie' for me, banana shoes Mickey's pants.” He went out and descended back downstairs as I followed.

God, please lend me your patience.

He looked around the living room again but this time, he took his time. “Seriously Micks, why on earth did you gave up that free position of the head company just to do grunt work? You could have lived in a much grander mansion instead of this 'bearable' shack.” He puffed another smoke from his cigarette holder.

“My old home is very nice, but I would rather earn it rather than gave it to me. Besides, there are some kind seniors I wanted to be approved too. COUGH!” Bendy puffed another smoke in front of my face.

“My dear, naive, stupid, cheese friend. If you want to be on top of the world, you need to do anything necessary for what you want. Nobody will be like you or your fairy tales rip offs. That 'humble' image of a garbage can you put yourself up will not cut it with me and other who wanna be like me around in this business.” He lectured me. “Just look at the way you're dressed today. White rolled up shirt. A red tie, suspenders with yellow buttons attached to your large red carpi pants or shorts, and are those socks? My my, I completely 'forgot' to take off mine when I came in with 'excitement.'” He devilishly smiled. “Too bad I only stepped in water today.”

“Bendy, aren't you a bit too warm to wear that black fur coat? That looks expensive too.” Didn't you have two others already?

“It's a gift from my one true love, dear mousey. He hunted a big black bear on one weekend with a friend of ours. Killed it with his own bare hands and he skinned it. I had to ask my personal tailor to made it just for me, but I 'kindly' reminded him to leave that 'bloody' scent.” He took a good whiff and widely smiled like he was in love. He always had that odd fascinations with pain and blood. “Asides from women, isn't there any 'dignified' man in this wretched  world who doesn't?” He then settles down on the double couch.

“Well I admit, it does look nice, but I'm sure there are many other things-”

“Sweet, simple Mickey. Hahaha! I know, I know!”  He then hit the coffee table in front of him with his two feet as a resting stool.

He opened his arms wide. “This 'humble' horrid little outhouse is the REAL Disney castle.” He laugh it off. Then my brother came in to the room with a tray of tea set for three and three cupcakes I've made this morning. Did I forgot to mentioned that I can bake pastries in one of my spare time? I enjoyed doing so and I even shared with my co-workers too to help with our team morality!

He grinned maliciously at my brother as he settles it down in the centre of us, smacking his shoes to get them out of the way. “I wondered where was the better half went. Is that a hipster jacket from that new 'rock 'n' roll' upstart singer, Elvis Presley?” Oswald just rolled his eyes and lifted up, but he then got horrified when Bendy groped his butt. “Did you worked out even more recently, or is that just your normal body part that YOUR mother gave ya? It started to look nice, juicy and tempting.” My brother did not have a lot of patience with his harassment towards him and he shows it by attempting to smash his face into the wall with his karate kick. It was so fast that I barely saw it to react. He dented a mark on the wall, but Bendy has ducked it just in time. “Oooooh! You even got good strong legs. Very useful...” He playfully taunted. I immediately broke them up. “Guys, please. No fighting in this house. Oswald, thank you for the snacks, you can sit down over where I was.” He growled and glared at Bendy, but he did as I suggested.

“Would you like my triple chocolate cupcake? I've made them today.” I handed it out to him because it was one of his favorites when we were teenagers and hang out a lot. He made a scorned expression while he took one last puff before me crushed his cigarette in the cupcake I tried to offer. “If it's after twenty minutes fresh from the oven, it's thrash like those stupid cartoons shorts you've made.”

I was a little hurt on the inside, but I tried hard not to be upset as I settled down the now ruined cupcake. “But Bendy, don't you like it even if it wasn't?”

“When you want to make it big in this world, you need to make crucial choices. The right product and marketing makes ALL the differences. Besides, I now like them that way.” He playfully twirled with his cigarette holder with his right hand and rested his chin on his left hand.

“But they're still good even if it was. Why are you being mean to us lately? You weren't like that back then.” I tried to get to the bottom of his saltiness towards us and maybe the image he keeps putting up.

“I'm just telling the basic facts as a 'friend.' You're as soft as ever, unlike your half brother...” He looked at Oswald again with malicious intent as he looked back with a glare, saying 'don't you even think about it, devil shrimp.' look.

“I wondered what else he's hiding underneath those rags... He's actually not that bad looking for a half Chinese. I wondered if I can make him 'dropped' his poker face 'mask' when I'm 'toying' with him...” He whispered to himself. I froze up. Excuse me?!

I tried to offer some tea to forget from what I just heard. “Won't you have some green tea at least?” He got up and then started to head out. “I wish I could stay and 'tolerate,' but I already have my reservation at a more 'refined' restaurant in a couple of hours and the waiting line is horrid. However, before I leave and forget, I will be sitting next to you two at the Oscar award next month. I wanted to have the closest seat to the carpet for when I received the award.”

“But Bendy, Nobody knows who will win this year yet.” I tried to tell him, but he ignored. “Now, don't forget to dress differently this time! I don't like to be seen with a pair of 'common' folks. See you next time, Dorkly Brothers.” He said as he exited the living room and slammed the door. We watched him as he got back in his luxurious car and then speeds off. I sighed and flopped on the double couch.

“What a 'pleasant' surprise HE was!” My brother crossed his arms. “I'm sorry that you had to put up with him because of me.” I apologized to him.

I already knew that he and Bendy have started to hate each other. Well, my brother hated him actually. Bendy has that weird method of taunting... But not in a good way.

“It's not your fault and you shouldn't apologized for him.” He pointed out. “One of these days he'll get what he REALLY deserves.”

“I just wish I knew how he changed so much since then. Sure, he used to be a bit of a trickster, but we still stick together like best friends... Do you think... it's because of the wealth and fame that came in for him?” He did started to act pridefully and snobbish after he took over the Joey Drew Studio the Third. I wondered if I did the same choice as he did with his father's company... Would I be no different from him?

“I can tell from your expression of your face that you were thinking about the choices you would have made.” I looked at my brother in surprised expression. “How can you tell?”

“I known you more than half your life, remember? Even if we grow older, you're still that same cheerful kid who wanted to bring joy to the world. You and Bendy are NOTHING alike.” He tried to cheer me up.

“Thanks Oswald.” I smiled a bit.“Can you opened the windows a bit? I can still smell Bendy's cigarette smokes.”

He opened slightly the window so that there's some fresh April shower scent can cover all of that cigarette's. “Speaking of smokes, how's that quitting therapy?” He asked about my health.

“I'm doing great so far. I've already confessed only to you a few months ago, but since we discovered about our dad's health, I've only had two. But now, I found a new way to ease my smoking craving whenever I was really depressed. Bubble gum!” I reached in my pocket to grab one, but I haven't found it. Maybe it was in the other one? Nope.

He got up and walked next to me. He handed out one of my bubble gum. “And here I was thinking you had a sugar craving again.”I grabbed it and pouted. “I still remembered to eat healthy and brush my teeth, ya know?”

He chuckled. “That's because I keep reminded ya, now, I think I'll throw this one into the garbage since we don't want to poison the birds with his cigarette.” He took out the cupcake I've tried to offered to Bendy earlier and went to the kitchen.

I looked at the hole in the wall from his attempt earlier. This will be a evening project that can wait on Monday... Luckily it's not a big patch job like last time Bendy was here....

“Do you mind to just sweep up his cigarette's ashes? I'll do the mopping after.” He asked me.

“Sure! Mind if I play that record you've bought the other day? That Jailhouse Rock song?” I asked for his permission to used one of his music. I heard it the other day and caught him singing and doing those dance moves... Did you know that my brother had a really wonderful vocals and dance moves? He should try it on the stage! It was amazing!

“Why ask my permission? Just play it!” He agreeably yelled from the kitchen.

I set it up, placed the needle and I let it play as we started to clean up from this afternoon visit. And you know what? I was feeling better already that I didn't needed my bubble gum.

The warden threw a party in the county jail The prison band was there and they began to wail The band was jumpin' and the joint began to swing You should've heard them knocked-out jailbirds sing

Let's rock everybody, let's rock Everybody in the whole cell block Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock.

THE END.

----- Author’s Notes:

I did a two day writing for the one year anniversary of the BBTIM blog.

This little parallel but plausible story was based from the 101 Dalmatians scene where Cruella made her first appearance in the movie. I did some fun facts I’ve added in the story like I got from the Wiki and stuff.

I know I’ve wrote it in Mickey’s point of view, but I wanted to explained Bendy’s plausible behavior toward one of his chief animating competitors, despite they might be the same age and used to be friends. Plausibly.

Bendy's high class attitude and Boris' looks reminded me so much like Cruella De Vil when combined. Guess why I picked this story board.

I hope you enjoy my little side story, dear users.

BBTIM Characters Bendy, Mickey and Oswald belong to Marini4.

[shaddy-bee]

I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-

5 things you’ll find in my bag

Right now theres uhh Notebooks, both school and 1 art. Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm) Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle. A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, name’s will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit. Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel. A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking, “ah a small fridge whats the big deal?” but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI- Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel? I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that. Yknow that post awhile back that was like “i dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costs” thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it. Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.

5 things on my to do list

FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it. I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more. Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it. Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love. Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))

5 things that make me happy

Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.  Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for. I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao. Yeah i better not make this category any longer.

5 things I’m (currently) into

Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit. As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere. Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah. Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good. Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.

5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)

I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.) Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mio’s or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much. Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk. I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it. 

Who am I tagging? Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what all’s changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg @milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good. @fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure) @dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round. I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme. Have fun yall.

[gansbeee-archive]

I was tagged by @medjedofficial !! Rules: Answer these statements and tag 20 people

i tag: @the-dreamers-boy @for-the-life-ofme @colorcodedplant @deathdippedinroses (none of you have to do this if you don’t want to! Any of my mutuals are free to do this, just put me as the person who tagged you! <3)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water probably

2. Phone call: My mom

3. Text message: ‘HOLY SHIT’ to adam about some hamilton meta

4. Song you listened to: Probably no one else performed by philippa soo from the great comet

5. Time you cried: listening to the aforementioned song

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: never dated.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone.

8. Been cheated on: N/A

9. Lost someone special: hahaha i dont think theyre special anymore :^)

10. Been depressed: Ive been depressed for at least the past 6 years.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: never.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Green

13. Turquoise

14. Indigo

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: a few!

16. Fallen out of love: i have never been in love. At least, not in the traditional sense.

17. Laughed until you cried: just the other day. I was in a voice chat w some of my pals and my friend tobi laughed for about 5 minutes at a picture of a melted rubber ducky. Obviously i had to join.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: lmao more than once!!!

19. Met someone who changed you: i’ve changed a lot over the years, and i find it difficult to attribute that change to a single person or even a group of people.

20. Found out who your friends are: Yes. I think i finally have.

21. Kissed a mutual? Nope.

GENERAL

22. How many mutuals do you know in real life: @for-the-life-ofme (my best friend!) @the-dreamers-boy (my qpp!) @morriha (a good old pal) @medjedofficial (a new pal!) @colorcodedplant (another new pal!!!)

23. Do you have any pets: yep! Two cats: luke, a fat tabby, and ruby, a beautiful and sweet tortoiseshell calico

24. Do you want to change your name: I haven’t really thought about it yet.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i think i had a party at a pizza place and then had a sleepover after? It was kinda small

26. What time did you wake up: this morning i woke up at 8:30 b/c of aikido practice

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was sleepy peepy

28. Name something you can’t wait to get: i’m not really looking forward to anything short term. But long term- an apartment w my qpp @the-dreamers-boy , a drawing tablet, and top surgery/testosterone

29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: sometime last night

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: besides the obvious (gender and money), i want a drive. I want something to look forward to, something to research, something to fall in love with.

31. What are you listening to right now: as i type this, i’m in the car and giving up the gun by vampire weekend is playing. If i could pick, i would probably be listening to the great comet rn

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: um? That is likely, yes.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not feelin this whole societal concept of gender

34. Most visited website: youtube and tungle.hell

35. Mole/s: they are. Everwhere. Most noticeably my face, arms, back, and legs- however they are on p much all my body parts.

36. Mark/s: faint thin scars on my hip, old scabs on my knees and elbows, a small crescent shaped scar on my knee. Also a surgery scar on my right wrist.

37. Childhood dream: I think i wanted to be a vet or a nurse. Jokes on you, past self, i can barely take care of my own health let alone other people’s

38. Hair color: light brown. Lowkey copper highlights? Blonde parts from previous dyeing

39. Long or short hair: reeeally long. Like, to my mid-back.

40. Do you have a crush on someone?: besides celebrities and unattainable characters? No one.

41. What do you like about yourself: ???

42. Piercings: I have pierced ears that have long since closed and that’s it

43. Blood type: i have no clue

44. Nicknames: gansey or kat

45. Relationship status: no romantic partner. I dunno if my qpp @the-dreamers-boy counts?

46. Zodiac: virgo sun and scorpio moon

47. Pronouns: they/them.

48. Favorite TV show(s): fma, pmmm, vld, probably other various anime i cant think of rn

49. Tattoos: none right now

50. Right or left hand: i’m right handed

51. Surgery: i had a gross abscess on my right wrist (probably from writing too much). In the future i’ll want top surgery and i might need hip surgery

52. Hair dyed a different color: as an experiment i dyed some strands magenta. They washed out to pink, and i kind of hated it, so i let it fade out.

53. Sports: I don’t play any.

54. Vacation: i’ve gone to niagara falls, canada, and various places out west in the states. I’d really like to go to spain, japan, and Mexico someday.

55. Shoes: for depression and summer’s sake, I’m often wearing either slippers, just socks, or flip-flops. When i have to go outside, i have a few pairs of converse, sneakers, and boots that get me by

56. Eating: i’m going to get food after i finish this, but the last thing i ate was ice cream last night (FUTURE ME REGRETS THIS BC IVE HAD TO FORMAT THIS THREE DAMN TIMES)

57. Drinking: i may end up drinking because it’s really big in my family, but i refuse to do it often.

58. I’m about to: get some fuckin food after 50 minutes of editing this format!!! Tumblr mobile doesn’t have an html editor :^)

59. Waiting for: marching band camp

60. Want: perhaps a love interest at some point? I mean i already mentioned other stuff (apartment, tablet, top surgery)

61. Get married: not sure. I think if i loved someone enough, i’d consider it.

62. Career: i don’t know. I want to do so many things. I think i will become either an architect or computer programmer, with my art on the side. Ideally, i’d want to be an editor, museum curator, physicist, or even an animator.

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: hugs for me

64. Lips or eyes: Both are good

65. Shorter or taller: i’m in the middle (5'6"), but my qpp still loves to tease me abt it

66. Older or younger: um? Dating wise, in high school my partner shouldn’t be more than about a year older or younger b/c puberty is different every year. When i’m older i may have different standards. Friend wise? Ironically, i’m the youngest most of the time, yet i’m the wisest.

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: i’m kinda a tummy person, but both are good

68. Sensitive or loud: im more sensitive. I can be loud when i’m comfortable around people, yet often I’m embarrassed after my outbursts.

69. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: I’m usually the voice of reason here.

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: never.

72. Drank hard liquor: No.

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I haven’t lost my glasses yet, but I wouldn’t be too surprised if i did. I’m a mess.

74. Turned someone down: i was asked out by two different straight dudes in middle school. I turned them both down

75. Sex on first date: i’m ace, so?

76. Broken someone’s heart: i’m unsure if i have or not

77. Had your heart broken: yes.

78. Been arrested: No

79. Cried when someone died: yes

80. Fallen for a friend: years ago, i thought i did.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: depends

82. Miracles: I believe they can happen but are very rare

83. Love at first sight: I don’t think love works that way, but who am i to tell others they’re wrong?

84. Santa claus: unfortunately no

85. Kiss on the first date: i’m not ready for that

OTHER:

86. Current best friend: jane!! (Her name’s actually sophia) @for-the-life-ofme

87. Eye color: light blue

88. Favorite movie: howl’s moving castle, coraline, kubo and the two strings

[testicularmanslaughtrr]

I just...im so sick of doing things just for no reason. I make art that doesnt matter, I write things that dont matter, I spend hours thinking about things that really dont matter.

That post going around "decades almost up, talk about what you accomplished!" And like...i have nothing.

I did nothing, at least nothing to be proud of? And i feel like im hurtling towards just, even more nothing. And I dont know how to get out of this loop.

I am trying to work on my stupid fucking story but it keeps going like a roller coaster. Slamming between "i've come too far to not keep going! If i work hard it'll be worth it" and "why the FUCK are you wasting time on something so STUPID???" I dont even feel smart enough to do this, but I'm pushing myself to just...finish something, fucking anything.

I hate this feeling, this miserable feeling of just being so small and so insignificant. I have no future, as far as i can see? Is this that like "suicidal people who live to an age they never thought they'd get to dont know what to do" thing?

Im just a lonely loser who doesnt even know how to talk to their own fucking friends and just sits alone hating themself and watching other people's talents wishing I had my own. Im mediocre. Always have been, always will be. I wasted my life, i wasted my time, and I'm not qualified to be ANYTHING.

Only talent i have is crying on social media in some feeble attempt to not feel so alone. Crying in public is...kind of like socializing right? Other than that just...nothing.

And i cant even talk about it with anyone? Which just makes it feel more futile. No one has any advice, and i dont even know what anyone COULD say at this point that could make me feel better? Everyone just says the same "youre not dumb, youre not stupid, you have lots of talents, blah blah" and like, it sucks because i know theyre wrong?

I am dumb. Im pretty fucking dumb, the whole reason im struggling is because trying to learn new skills or improve my current skills has proved fruitless because i cant understand any new information, it just confuses me. So...like by that logic idk if i can improve? Im not talented ENOUGH at least by my standards. Everything i do is like..okay, but okay in that sense of your friends smile and say "oh cool!" And immediately forget about it. It feels like showing an uninterested parent a drawing while theyre watching tv. No one outside of people who have to like me even look at my stuff. Just sketch books and thousands of wips that mean nothing and lack any professional or appealing polish to matter in any capacity. It's a sucky feeling.

This is going to be weird BUT i dont...like making things for me. Why would i? I fucking hate myself. Why would i want to make something for ME?

Sorry to just mope but like...i keep going in this loop of feeling like a failure, trying to convince myself im worth anything, failing at that, and just the cycle of stupidity continues.

The winter brings a lot of complicated thoughts every year. The cold, the dark, the looming new year. I feel like Im running out of time to do something that matters.

I cant even muster up some touchy feely ""well at least i positively affected peoples lives!!1"" because...i havent? I can make a joke or two, i compliment people and then i dont talk to them ever again. Or once a month. Or just one word replies until i just...stop because i can feel what an annoying idiot im being. I never know what to say, i never know what to do, and Ive long just accepted my role as a fair weather friend. Like...i have friends i care about very VERY much and then existing at the same time as me makes me feel very lucky. But i dont think i deserve to call myself anything meaningful to them. I dont expect to ever really cross anyone's mind. Like ever? I guess i just imagine i dont exist when not directly interacting with people. Ouch actually, there it is.

That old feeling is back, worse than ever. I feel fucking invisible again. Bluh.

So fuckin stupid lol

Sorry. I had to get this out. Idk WHY BUT I STILL CANT CRY???? AND IT'S FREAKING ME OUT!

Hahaha

Lately i struggle with the concept of doing things for fun instead of doing something productive!

But nothing i do is productive so

:^)