#if he isn’t dead by the end of this series we will have problems

[ecoterrorist-katara]

The tragedy of Katara’s parentification

Sokka and Katara were both parentified, and it’s a profoundly life-changing thing for both of them. One of the saddest things in ATLA, though, is how Sokka sort of got to outgrow parentification, but Katara never did.

Sokka’s told to be the man. The provider, the protector. He’s not so good at the former (his hunting failures are a consistent source of comic relief), and he takes failures of the latter very, very hard. He doesn’t manage to save Yue, and that wrecks him. After Yue, he becomes extremely protective of Suki in a way that’s borderline offensive to her. He’s willing to do anything to protect his friends and his family, including something as irresponsible as breaking into the Boiling Rock. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Sokka is the only one of the Gaang who unambiguously kills. The rest of them may technically have clean hands because of cartoon logic, but Combustion Man is very dead, and Sokka is the one who killed him. We don’t know how he feels about it, because the show never goes there, but I have a pet theory that Sokka is so uncharacteristically (remember he was team “leave Zuko to freeze to death”) against Katara confronting Yon Rha in The Southern Raiders because he’s the only who knows what killing feels like and wants to protect Katara from it.

But by the end of the show, Sokka’s in a place where he can start to let go of his need to protect. Objectively, all his friends are unbelievably powerful and can take care of themselves, including his sister and his girlfriend. Suki is the one who saves him in the final battle, representing not only a reversal of his initial cartoonish misogyny, but also demonstrating that he is worthy of protection. And of course, he and his friends saved the world, so there isn’t really an enemy that he has to protect them from anymore. Sokka’s loved ones create the conditions under which his parentified behaviour is no longer necessary. Sokka would still have to take the first step to stop seeing himself as the one who has to lay his life on the line, but at least it’s possible for him.

But not Katara.

Katara had to take on the mom role after their mother was murdered, which meant she was responsible for domestic labour and emotional support. Sokka says in The Runaway that her role was to keep the family together. Unlike protection, that’s always a full time job regardless of the war. We see Katara spending more screen time than anybody cooking, getting food, mending, and generally doing women’s work. We see Katara giving everyone emotional support, including strangers and her enemy. We see Katara putting aside her own discomfort and her own hurt in The Desert because if she falls apart, they all die. Nobody ever showed her that she doesn’t need to be the only one who cooks, or that somebody else can be responsible for the emotional wellbeing of her friends, or that — god forbid — someone else can actually be responsible for her emotional wellbeing.

That’s why I never cared for the Ka/taang argument of “he teaches her to be a kid again!” Putting aside the fact that Katara ends up taking care of Aang a lot more as the series goes on, the whole tragedy of parentification is that you can never again be a child. That part of your childhood, your god-given right, is robbed from you. It is extremely precious and important to still be able to be a kid, but breaking free of parentification is not about seeing yourself as a kid. It’s about breaking free of being responsible for everyone’s feelings and behaviours.

For Katara, that responsibility is not problem of perception, but of reality. Unlike Sokka, who was told and shown that his loved ones are capable of protecting themselves, Katara has zero reason to believe that her loved ones are able to feed and clothe themselves and not fall apart emotionally. Between Toph and Sokka who emphatically don’t want to do this work, it all falls on Katara. Telling a parentified child that they just need to loosen up is akin to telling an overworked mother that she needs to just relax (“happy Mother’s Day! You get a break from chores, which you will catch up on tomorrow because nobody else is doing them”). It doesn’t accomplish anything if nobody creates the circumstances under which it’s possible to let go of responsibilities. A lot of Zutara fans, spanning all the way back to the early days of the fandom, like the “Momtara and Dadko” trope where Zuko also does chores. Why? Because even without the concept and language of parentification, many fans recognized that Katara’s performance of domestic and emotional labour is inequitable and probably very taxing.

Growing out of parentification is about more than just letting go of old expectations: it’s also about finding a new way to value yourself beyond the role you grew up with. I’ve said this before, but it’s very important to acknowledge that just because a kid is parentified doesn’t mean they’re actually good at being a parent. In fact, it’s probably a given that they’re not, because they’re kids performing roles that are developmentally inappropriate! Sokka remains a shit hunter; he becomes a decent fighter but he’s still miles behind his friends. A big part of healing from his parentification is finding another area — strategy, engineering, project management (what else do you call that schedule) — where he actually excels, to which he can dedicate his time and from which he can derive satisfaction and a sense of identity. For Katara, fighting for the oppressed and combat waterbending give her that. Crucially, however, Katara does not stop being a girl when she becomes a warrior. She’s still responsible for domestic and emotional labour. Unlike Sokka, whose protector duties were more or less relieved as the series went on and he found new ways to contribute to the group, Katara continued to perform her old role in addition to her new one (which is depressingly realistic btw, look up feminist theory around the concept of the second shift). Still, it’s important that she found these new ways to value herself and her contributions…

…which disappear in her adult life. Where’s adult Katara fighting for the oppressed? Where’s adult Katara enjoying her status as a master waterbender? Where’s Mighty Katara? Where’s the Painted Lady? Where’s the person who vanquished a whole Fire Lord?

What do we know about adult Katara? She’s no longer a rabblerouser or an ecoterrorist. She did not translate her desire to help the downtrodden into a political role, like being Chief or on the United Republic Council. She’s not known as the best waterbender in the world, only the best healer, even though her combat abilities are what she took the most pride in. Even as a healer, she established no hospitals, trained no widespread acolytes (except Korra, I guess?), and made no known contributions to the field.

What Katara is known for…is being a wife and a mother. The same role she was forced to take on at age 8. One which she performed for the next 80+ years.

[easy-there-leftovers]

I See You, Darling

[Astarion x reader] The idea never left my mind, and I so very badly need this right now. Heavily inspired by this cutscene where Tav chooses a dialogue option and Astarion's eyes just deviate-- (gif above, just wait for his eyes to look at you WKDKWKDK) |Word count: 2k.| Based off of this post I made.

Part 2 here!!

Also, this is more heavy on the world building rather than dialogue. If I end up making this a series, I might write with more dialogue in mind but it was just necessary to do this first afhjaqfbnjkafbnebn--

A story in which an overworked art student longs for a fictional character that they've devoted so much of their time to.

Alternatively; Astarion realizes there's someone else watching him. And he can't wait to get acquainted with them.

————━─━────༺༻────━─━————

One.

Two.

Three.

It takes you three seconds to comprehend what just happened. Three seconds for you to try and save the progress you’ve already made so far. Three seconds for you to feel the chill of dread run up your spine. 

You’ll admit, perhaps you were simply tired. Attending a prestigious school for the arts doesn’t exactly leave you with much free time to indulge in more calming forms of recreation. Your course requires you to consume a wide array of media to expand your library of creativity, after all. All in the name of generating more interesting media to entrance and enthrall your audience with your original work. 

Maybe all the moving pictures and swimming texts have caused you to greatly misunderstand what you are seeing. Surely, your favorite character isn’t looking directly at you, right?

Right?

But before that, let’s review what might have happened earlier to explain just what exactly in gods name is happening.

Shall we?

——

You purchased the game a few months back. “Baldur’s Gate 3.” A game that took the players and immersed them in the world of Dungeons & Dragons, introducing them to the mechanics of tabletop RPG as they did. It seemed interesting enough. And if the concept of character creation and storytelling didn’t sell you on the idea of it, the pretty faces on the cover certainly did.

So, with the little money you could spare from your part time job at your own institution’s library, and with what little sanity you had left to argue with, you impulsively bought said game. And it was fun. Exhilarating. Electrifying. 

Until you ran into a problem.

Astarion. The rogue, elven vampire that you have chosen to romance after careful deliberation. You scoffed to yourself. He was one of the biggest reasons why you purchased the blasted game at all. You’ve carefully studied the character in all his glory, from his striking carmine eyes and delicate unstained curls, to his aptitude for bloodshed and all manners of gore. He was such an interesting character, giving you more and more reason to pursue him as the story progressed. Yet the same can’t be said about your relationship with him. Or at least your “Tav’s” relationship with him. 

You’ve had some difficulty in deepening your relationship with the ex-magistrate. It seemed as if no matter what options you chose, no matter what manner of advances you made, he’d be quick to dismiss you. Painting you as a desperate little pup as he did. Denying you the opportunity of further knowing him. You’ve created and overwritten more save slots than you'd like to admit, perusing each one to select different lines of dialogue only to be rejected time and time again.

You thought it strange. But perhaps this was simply the way his route was meant to unfold. He was such an incredibly complex character after all. Perhaps this was meant to prove the party’s loyalty. 

But that didn’t stop you from being frustrated with other aspects of the gameplay. You've spent countless nights hunched on your work chair, back curving like a dead bug as you analyzed each and every possible outcome in combat. Eyes, bloodshot from cutting your sleeping hours short, just to endure the story until you were at an appropriate place to log out. And hair, flicking and curling out in different directions due to you weaving your hands through them in exasperation. 

You saw your reflection on your screen as it darkened to load the next scene and you couldn't help but stare at your character in slight envy. You know full well that however you designed them, it wouldn’t affect how the others perceived you, and yet you couldn’t help but pretty them up for your own interest. You designed it with yourself in mind, but making them far more attractive than you would ever be. Effortlessly beautiful as they stirred to wake up in the forest you settled in for camp.

How could Astarion ever turn this beautiful being away? If not for their heroism, then surely their looks would be enough to draw him in, no?

And speak of the devil. Once you could control your character again, you readied them to interact with your sharply dressed companion. Wanting to try your luck once more as the bright sun shone upon your character like a promise of a new day. Unfortunately, you’re greeted with a look of boredom, oh so familiar, that you sigh. “I hope you’re not here to beg—” Mocking him, echoing the words you’ve come to expect with faux mirth in your voice. But you cut yourself short when you realize he has yet to say anything. 

Strange.

 What’s even stranger is that he's just staring at you. Well,--- he’s staring at Tav. Your character.

“What the fuck…?” You move your mouse around, clicking to try and toggle the dialogue options to no avail, screen stuck in a cinematic close up of his face. Much like how the camera always pans when awaiting your response. 

However, unlike the common script of his actions that you’re used to, the one that you’ve memorized like a well practiced dance, his eyes smoothly glide off of your character and onto you. 

You freeze, but your heart doesn’t. The beating of your chest growing stronger the longer he looks at you. Eyes, blood red like rubies, boring into your own. He regards you, blinks, and then smiles that deviously charming smile of his before your screen turns dark. Your computer turns off, and you stare in shock of what just happened.

‘No fucking way, no fucking way, no fucking way—‘ You’re not delusional, right? Sure, you’re tired, but no fucking way did you just imagine one of the hottest characters you’ve seen in a while break the fourth wall just to fuck with you.

You laugh to yourself.

Yes, you’re just tired. Nothing like a good four hours of sleep can’t remedy. Although, as you get up from your chair, foolish as it may seem, you grab a used shirt from your floor, and hang it on your computer in the case that those piercing eyes come to life once again while you sleep.

——

You stir awake after your short slumber. Your body, heavy like lead, though not at all a feeling foreign to you. You think about what happened last night, wondering if it was all a dream. Yet as you get ready for the day, you notice your dirtied clothing still on your computer. Covering it as if it were a petrifying doll from a horror movie. You feel childish for doing so, reasoning that you were simply stressed from the events that taken place prior and removed the cloth.

As you did, your screen was brought back to life. Showing you the next night as if your little "tryst" with Astarion never happened. An entire thirty minutes or so of progress seemingly gone. Thankfully, you saved just before your game went haywire and you attempted to load up your last slot. 

Zzzt Zzzzt!

Alas, your game was not cooperating once again. You tried the save just before that and the same error screen presented itself to you. ‘Maybe this is a sign that I should just fucking work instead.’ Irritated at the thought, you moved to log out of the game but a familiar voice convinces you otherwise as the screen returns to normal. 

“Why, hello pup. How was your awfully short slumber?” 

‘Is this— a romance scene?!’ Astarion had never initiated an interaction before! Perhaps the game gods were granting you mercy. Or maybe, something you did last night might have given way for this line of dialogue to open up. Regardless, you happily took the opportunity and began reading your choices.

“Why, hello pup. How was your awfully short slumber?” ━─━────༺༻────━─━

Well. Thank you.

It’s none of your concern, fangs.

Better now that you’re here.

What happened last night?

━─━────༺༻────━─━

What…did happen last night? You don’t recall anything past the blackening of your screen, but it looks like you did something after that which caused this dialogue.

You don’t want to squander this opportunity, who knows when this will happen again, but your curiosity gets the best of you. So you save, and choose option 4. 

“Oh, you poor thing. Spooked you, did I?” He laughs, seemingly taking in the look of confusion that graces both yours and Tav’s face.

“What do you think happened last night?”

“My fucking game crashed.” You answer automatically.

Tav moves to open their mouth but is silenced with a tut. “Not you, spawn.” His eyes crinkle at the corners in amusement, but the way his mouth is pulled in a tightly-lipped smile offers you further insight otherwise. 

“I need your answer.” His eyes are on you yet again, and you feel the world begin to spin.

——

You stir awake after your short slumber. Your body, heavy like lead, though not at all a feeling foreign to you. You think about what happened last night, wondering if it was all a dream. Yet as you plan to get ready for the day, you notice you’re not exactly in a state to do so. You expected to wake at dawn, the dark and cool air to greet you as it fills your room and envelops your walls. Instead, you wake to see an endless amount of evergreen and the smell of the dark and damp grass beneath you filling your senses.

And if spending hours, weeks, months, of playing this damned game has taught you anything, you know that you now reside in the heart of the forest that you usually set up camp in. But this time, you're far from your bedroll and the fire that your party created.

One.

Two.

Three.

It takes you three seconds to comprehend what just happened. Three seconds for you to try and save the progress you’ve already made so far to no avail. Three seconds for you to feel the chill of dread run up your spine. 

And this chill so does love playing games.

You clamber away on your knees when you hear that deep chuckle of his emanate from right beside your ear. Creating as much distance to inspect this figure you’ve yet to face.

You see Astarion in all his vampiric glory. ‘Well, for a vampire spawn, I guess.’ You comment to yourself. Crimson eyes, darker than you imagined, with full, dark lashes contrasting his pallid skin and pure hair that glow under the moonlight. An unsettling, and cursedly attractive, smirk curls onto his lips. His ivory fangs on full display as he does.

“It seems as if those useless artifacts were worth something.” He marvels at his handiwork, his prize, and approaches it with confidence. 

“Well, your character certainly is more ‘prettied up.’” He circles you, carefully appraising his newest asset, and grins. “But you are far more intriguing.”

A simple, “What the fuck?” is all you can muster.

“Although, you are very cute. Cheeky little pup, aren’t you?” He jests.

A simple, “What the fuck?” is all you can muster which earns you a click of his tongue in response.

“You’re not broken, are you? Or am I to anticipate your little ‘what the fuck?’s as your only contribution?” Long, and incredibly masculine, fingers crawl and curl to grasp your chin like a spider. 

“I’ve waited months to have you. And now here you are, finally within my grasp.” The statement causes something to stir within you.

“What do you mean, ‘months?” 

He narrows his eyes, possibly trying to comprehend your stupidity.

“I’ve been watching you. Waiting, for the right moment. Interacting with this– caricature of yourself until you could deny yourself of me no more.” Blood rushes to your head. Your cheeks burning in embarrassment for seeming overly eager. And in panic as his intentions have yet to be cleared.

“And now that I’m here? Do you want to kill me?” You feel your heartbeat in your ears, awaiting his response. Your eyes wide in fear, yet trying to fake heroic bravado in the attempts to gain the upperhand.

And in this moment, he thinks you absolutely invigorating.

“Oh no, sweet pet. I’ve waited far too long for that. I’m going to make you mine.”

————━─━────༺༻────━─━————

Should I make this into a series? "The adventures of a misplaced artist in Baldur's Gate!!" Or something like that. Let me know, lol

[veganineden]

On the Evolution of “Happily Ever After” and Why “Nothing Lasts Forever”

A reflection inspired by Good Omens 2

One of my favorite Tumblr posts on the second season of Good Omens 2 was actually not about the series at all, but our reaction to it, primarily the ending. @zehwulf wrote, “I think a lot of us—myself included—got a little too comfortable with assuming [Aziraphale and Crowley would] work on their issues right away post-Armageddon.” We did the work for them through meta, fanfiction, fanart, and building a plethora of headcanons. Who among us AO3-surfing fans didn’t read and love Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm?

In the 4 long years since season one was released, we did more than seek to understand and repair rifts between two fictional beings: we were forced to reckon with ourselves too. We faced a global pandemic, suffered traumatizing losses and isolation, and were forced to really and truly look into the face of our atrocities-ridden and capitalistic world. The mainstream rise of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Justice work, and our participation in this work, showed us that the systems in place were built to oppress and harm most of us, and they are. 

So, what does this have to do with the evolution of “happily ever after”? 

My friend put it best in a conversation we had following the season finale, when she pointed out a shift in media focus. The “happy end” in old stories about wars and kingdoms used to be “we killed the evil old king and put a noble young king in his place and now citizens can live in peace” and we’re transitioning into a period of “we tore down the whole fucking monarchy.” 

If we look at season one, written to follow the beats of a love story, it comforted us by offering a pretty traditional happy ending pattern: you get your fancy dinner with your special someone, the romantic music plays, and you have a place to call your own. Season one’s finale provided a temporary freedom for Aziraphale and Crowley, the “breathing room,” but it didn't solve the problem that was Heaven and Hell, or the agendas belonging to those systems of oppression. 

Is it good enough to keep our heads down, pretend the bad stuff isn’t happening, and live our own personal happy endings until we die? Moral quandaries aside, if you don't die (or if you care about the generations after you), then, like Aziraphale said, it “can’t last forever.” There’s a clear unpleasant end to the “happily ever after” that’s based on ignoring our problems– it’s the destruction of our relationships, and humanity. 

Ineffable Bureaucracy can go off into the stars because they do not care about humanity. 

You know who does?

Aziraphale. 

And Aziraphale knows that Crowley cares about humanity too. (He knows because Crowley was the one who proposed sabotaging Armageddon in the first place, who only invited him to the stars when he thought all was lost, because Crowley would save humanity if he thought it was possible, and Aziraphale knows Crowley has survived losing Everything before, and he will do all in his power so that Crowley does not need to experience that again.) 

In season one and two, we see how much they care about humanity, beyond their orders, to the point The Systems begin to frown at them. Aziraphale hears Crowley’s offer to run away together in the final episode of season two, to leave Earth behind, and just like the first time that offer was made in season one, he declines. He knows choosing only “us” is not a choice either of them can live with for the rest of eternity.

I believe season 3 will provide an opportunity to “dismantle the system,” but I don’t know how it will play out. I worry that Aziraphale has put himself in the now-dead trope of the “young noble king.” (I wish Crowley had told him why Gabriel was dismissed from his duties.) I worry that he would martyr himself as a sole agent for change. I worry that he doesn’t actually know how to dismantle anything by himself: because you can’t. He needs Crowley. He DOES. He needs Crowley, and Muriel, and other angels and demons and humans without fixed mindsets to help him. Only by learning to listen and making room at the table for all can they (and we) move past personal satisfaction to collective liberation. 

Crowley was right when he said that Aziraphale had discovered his “civic obligations.”

So, I think we will get our modern-day happy ending– and it’s going to involve a lot of pain and discomfort, communication, healing and teamwork– and in the end, it’ll all be okay. There will be a time for rest and a time for “us.” 

And most likely a cottage. 

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

 - Maya Angelou

Support the SAG-AFTRA strike and other unions. Trust @neil-gaiman. Register to vote if you haven’t yet. Hold yourself and others accountable with compassion. Read books. Keep doing the work. Rest. Then watch Good Omens 2 again.  

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : FWB!Yang Jeongin x F!Reader TW : Jeongin is an extreme asshole in this ; reader is pregnant ; lots of arguing ; one of those super cool fast forward moments so I don't keep reusing the same plot ; Jeongin sort of redemption ark but it came too late ; Word Count : 2.9k Request : no, but he's the last one! A/N : The last angsty dad in the series!!! Gonna miss writing these! Also, this one is definitely getting a part 2 which will have MORE angst but a happy ending.

“That was a nice prank you pulled, bud. Had the whole group laughing.” Jeongin muttered into his phone as he walked down the halls of the JYP building. “It’s not funny to fuck around like that though. Especially not at my job. I know that you don’t really give a shit though because your job isn’t as important as mine and something like this won’t fuck up your entire life, but… Ya know, can’t really have a scandal like that going around even if it is a joke.” 

“You done yet?” You asked, trying to hide your agitation at the belittling of your job and pretty much everything that you do, doing your best to hold it together just long enough to tell him that it wasn’t a prank, that it wasn’t some joke. “I haven’t seen you in 2 weeks, and I honestly couldn’t care less about seeing you… But I needed to let you know, and you suck at answering your phone. I’m pregnant, Jeongin.” 

If this was a scripted television show, they probably would have added in the sound of a record scratching just to emphasize the way Jeongin stopped dead center of the hallway, his eyes going wide and his heart feeling like it had frozen. “No the fuck you’re not. That shit isn’t mine if you are though.” You knew that this was exactly how it would go down, you weren’t the slightest bit shocked at the disregard and downright arrogant behavior he was exhibiting right now. “I mean, you obviously sleep around, it could be anyone’s kid. Not my problem. Don’t try to stick me with that shit.” 

“It is yours. If you want to do a paternity test, fine, but I honestly don’t give a damn if you’re around anyway.” You retorted, and you heard him scoff loudly as if he didn’t believe you. “It’s not like you’d be a good father. You’re never around. We weren’t even dating.” You continued, and you could tell that he was getting pissed off by your comments, the way his tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth and he very loudly ran his hand through his hair. “I just wanted you to know that you will have a child in the world, although I’m sure this one isn’t the only one considering your track record.” 

“Have you always been this big of a bitch or is it the hormones?” He snapped, and you suppressed the chuckle that threatened to escape your pursed lips. “And I’ll have you know, I’d be a great fucking dad. I’d be there for him or her whenever they needed me. And don’t try to be a cunt and keep my kid from me either. I know you’re that type of person.” 

“Aww, baby bread sounds a little upset.” You mocked him, and you could tell he was seething, harsh breaths shooting through clenched teeth whistled through the speaker of your phone. “I thought you didn’t want to be stuck with this shit? Sounds like someone changed their mind.” 

“Fuck you. Set up the paternity test and let me know when it is. If that kid ain’t mine though… I’m fucking done with you.” Jeongin hissed, and before you could sarcastically comment back, he had hung up the phone. 

There was no doubt that the child was Jeongins though. You were quite loyal to your beneficial relationship, and while the agreement was that neither of you would catch feelings, it was kind of hard to not catch feelings. Jeongin was the biggest sweetheart behind closed doors when it was just the two of you together. Sometimes he made it feel like you were dating, but that bubble burst just as fast when he’d leave without a kiss goodbye. He didn’t have any feelings for you. You were simply there for his satisfaction and that was all. 

///

“I told you that you were the father.” You mumbled as the test results were handed to both you and Jeongin on separate papers. You didn’t need to stay in the doctor's office any longer though, you had gotten the answers that Jeongin wanted, and now you could leave. “Do with that information what you want, but I was serious when I said I didn’t need you. You don’t have to prove anything to me, and you don’t have to prove anything to the baby.” Was supposed to be the final remark as you got up and started to head out, but Jeongin was quick to follow after you. 

“You might think that I’m an asshole…” Jeongin began and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, walking faster now to try to get away from him, but it was easy for him to keep up. “Just because I don’t want to be with you doesn’t mean that I don’t want anything to do with my kid. It’s my responsibility and my right to be a part of my kid’s life. You don’t get to decide whether I can or can’t be there.” 

“Thank you, Jeongin, for that… sweet sentiment. Make sure you tell all the reporters about what a nice guy you are so that all the fans will love you more.” You spat the words at him as you, quite aggressively, pushed open the door of the office. “I’ll keep you updated. Thank you for coming out today.” You started to walk towards the bus stop, but Jeongins hand wrapped around your elbow and tugged you back towards him. “The fuck are you doing?” 

“You’re carrying my child. You’re not riding the bus.” Jeongin said it as if it should have been obvious as he walked you towards the car that he had rode in. “Get in. And let me know when all of your appointments are so that I can have someone come pick you up and take you back home.” There wasn’t any emotion when he said it, it was all very bland, as if you should have known better than to take your usual way of transportation. 

“This is ridiculous…” You mumbled as you climbed into the backseat, but deep down, you were grateful that you didn’t have to hunt for a seat on the bus like usual. You’d be able to sit comfortably, at least for the next 8 to 9 months. “I still have to take the bus to work so I can afford my appointments and everything that I need.” 

“That job isn’t safe for you in your condition.” Jeongin said, still void of emotion. “I’m going to take care of my child, and my child is currently residing in you, therefore I’m going to take care of you as well. Again, you might think that I’m an asshole, but I’m not going to let you strain yourself and potentially lose the baby. I know it would hurt you, and whether you believe me or not, I’d be upset as well.” 

Although there wasn’t a hint of kindness in his tone, the words alone were enough to show that he did care. It was hard to hate him and be mad at him when acting like this, but you knew that it wasn’t because he cared about you, it was because he cared about the baby… And truthfully, that’s all you could really ask for. “Thank you…” 

///

“Why didn’t you call me first?” Jeongin asked, having spent the better half of his morning pacing the practice room, screwing up his dances, unable to focus at all due to the fact that you didn’t contact him like you usually would. Now that he finally had a break, he was able to call you, which shouldn’t even be a thing considering you didn’t have to work anymore and he was taking care of everything. The least you could do was keep up with the scheduled calls. 

“Because I woke up this morning and things just felt a little… weird… ya know…” You sarcastically stated back, and he hated the fact that you couldn’t just be clear with him. Everything had to have just the tiniest hint of sarcasm in it. You were 8 and a half months pregnant and his worries for the baby were through the roof. He didn’t know when you’d go into labor, he didn’t know anything, and of course, you just had to be a smartass. “So I’m in the hospital-” 

“Hold up! You’re what?!” Jeongin screeched, not even waiting to hear the reasoning behind your sudden trip, he just wanted to get to where you were as soon as humanly possible to make sure his baby is okay. “I told you to stop trying to clean the damn house by yourself. That’s what I hired the maids for. I hired literally everyone that I could to make this easier on you, yet you still act like a fucking idiot. What’s wrong with the baby? Is she okay?” 

“Don’t be a dick.” You huffed, and Jeongin could faintly hear the sound of a machine beeping during the short moment of silence. “Sorry that she doesn’t work around your schedule, but your daughter decided that she wanted to come out today. So, if you feel so inclined to do so, you can come see her be born. I’m not sure how much time you have, I’m already like… I think they said 5 centimeters dilated so… better haul ass.” 

And that he was. He never thought in a million years that he’d be skipping out on practice without even saying anything to one of the guys to watch his beneficial friend give birth to the daughter that he was already devoted entirely to. It was crazy how just the prospect of being a parent made him want to be a better version of himself. “Well tell the doctors to shove a cork in there or something, at least until I make it to the hospital. I’m not missing it.” 

“Will do, buckaroo.” He could just hear the eye roll that came along with it, but then he heard the sound of your pained, labored breathing, and the beeping of the machine sped up momentarily before going back to a steady rhythm. “Just hurry the hell up, I don’t think she’s waiting for anyone. She wants out.” 

///

Raising a child was hard, being an idol and a father at the same time was hard, but coparenting with the girl that you had managed to catch legitimate feelings for over the last 6 years was even harder. How could he not fall in love with you though? Watching you with his daughter was the most strangely attractive thing he’s ever witnessed, and he regretted not asking you to just be his officially when he first found out you were pregnant. That would have saved him from the feeling of jealousy and anger that he felt when you started going out on dates. 

“I don’t know why you’re wasting so much time on these low grade losers. You could do so much better.” Jeongin called to you from the living room as he sat at the makeshift table where he was currently being served Cheetos and a Caprisun by his daughter. “None of them are good enough to even get close to my baby anyway. I feel like I should have a say in who you potentially start bringing home around her, shouldn’t I?” 

You peaked your head out from around the bedroom door and he swears, he’s never seen you look more beautiful. He hated whatever guy was lucky enough to be going out with you right now. “Coming from the biggest eff word boy in the industry… I think that’s quite hypocritical of you.” You teased, sending him the most gorgeous, heart stopping smile, even though he knew it was supposed to irritate him, it only made his stomach fill with butterflies. 

“I’ve changed my ways. The only two beautiful girls I want to spend my days with are Jeongsoo and you.” He leaned back on his hands so he could try to see through the bedroom door where you were getting ready, hoping to see some kind of reaction, even just a smile at his flirtatious attempt. Sadly, Jeongsoo wasn’t too keen on the idea of not being the center of her fathers attention, so she walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder, his gaze quickly turning to look at her sassy, cross armed stance, trying hard not to laugh. 

“Dad. You are gonna go to tea party time out if you do not play right. Do you want to go to tea party time out with Mr. Oink?” She pointed her little finger into the corner of the room where her stuffed pig was sitting staring at the corner and Jeongin quickly shook his head no. “Good. No time out for you.” She nodded her head before going back to her play kitchen. She was almost a carbon copy of you, at least in the attitude department, but he absolutely adored her and he couldn’t imagine a world where she wasn’t sassily living in it. 

“Are you sure you don’t mind babysitting her? I know you’d rather be out with the guys right now.” You said as you came out of the bedroom, the little dress that you were wearing hugged all of your curves, and while Jeongin didn’t know anything about the guy that you were going out on a date with tonight, he hated everything about him. “I’ll pay you back tonight for watching her.” 

He rolled his eyes, wanting nothing more than to get up off the floor and go over to you and grab you by the waist and kiss you, but the thought of being in tea party time out was keeping him from doing so, especially since Mr. Oink had been staring at the corner for a good hour and a half now. “You don’t have to pay me for spending time with my daughter. It’s not even considered babysitting. I think you’re forgetting that she’s literally half me.” He commented, hoping that maybe pointing out the fact that the daughter that you both loved so much was the most perfect blend of the two of you would have you second guessing going on that date. 

“Well I’ll still pay you. I think the girls you hook up with at least deserve a good dinner before they find out they’re just your friend.” You teased, but he knew that was also a jab at the way he had gotten with you. He had only taken you to McDonalds once before taking you to his bedroom, and for that, he feels like shit because you did deserve better, you still do. “He’s here. I’ll be back in an hour or two…” You said, and he absolutely despised how giddy you looked to go out and meet this stranger who was most definitely not good enough for you. 

You ran over to where your daughter was still working at her play kitchen, ruffling her hair and then bending over to press a kiss to the top of her head before telling her you love her. “Call me if he does anything weird. I’ll have a guy from security pick you up. Just let me know where you are.” Jeongin said as you headed towards the door, and while you always thought that it was simply because he didn’t want anything happening to the mother of his child, it was because he didn’t want anything to happen to you. He loved you, and every single time you walked out that door to meet someone new, he was one step closer to never being with you at all. 

The door closed behind you and he let out a heavy sigh, running his hand through his hair before taking a sip of his juice box and falling flat onto the floor. “Daaad!” Jeongsoo whined when she heard his head land against the hardwood floor. “You getting sleepy? You didn’ even finish your cheetos.” She huffed softly, the sound almost like a recording of your own voice. “Whatchu wanna do now?” She asked, and Jeongin pushed himself up off the floor, scooping her up into his arms in the process. 

“Let’s watch a movie. Get Mr. Oink out of time out real quick though, I think he feels a little sad.” Jeongsoos mouth popped open in shock as she ran over to retrieve her forgotten stuffed animal before returning to the couch and sitting next to Jeongin. “We’ll watch a movie and eat some ice cream, and then it’s time for bed, okie dokie?” She nodded her head in agreement as Jeongin flipped through the movies on the tv. 

It was a good night, he tried to remind himself of that as his daughter peacefully slept curled up against him. The movie was turned down almost completely, the only sound filling the silence was Jeongsoos soft snores. He waited for the text from you, telling him to send someone to pick you up and bring you back home to him and your little family, but it never came. He didn’t want to go out with the guys tonight, he didn’t want to meet anyone else… All he wanted was you. How perfect the night could have been if you had been here, sitting opposite of Jeongsoo, his arm draped over the back of the couch to gently run his fingers through your hair as you both focused on the movie in front of you. That would never happen though. He was too scared to ask you now, and surely there would be someone else out there that you thought was more deserving of your love than he was… And maybe you would be right… He had let you go, and now he had to sit back and pretend that it didn’t break his heart each time he’d watch you leave. 

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[billy-cockblock]

SWTD Theory

Still Wakes the Deep has been a huge brainworm for me the past few weeks, so I wanted to make a post with one of my takes. Someone’s probably thought of this already, but I can’t find anything about it, so here I go. 

I’m gonna take this time to shout out a little sub theory of mine that plays a bit of a part in my main point. 

For a little background, in populations of organisms, there are limiting factors on their growth and spread. Think of it as a series of funnels of different sizes: the rate of liquid that can flow through is going to be determined by the narrowest funnel. For example. if there’s a population that has ample food, space, and whatever else it needs, but has a restricted access to water, that water is going to limit how large that population could grow.

Before the Shape was dug up by the drill, it was probably dormant in the sea bed, doing its best to survive, the same as any other organism. Down where it was dark, wet, and cold, I think it had one main limiting factor: oxygen.

I don’t think the Shape can efficiently exchange gas underwater. Most of the untouched bodies Caz sees are only underwater, where an organism that thrives in air would struggle to access. Once it gets dug up and brought to air with plenty of organic matter to consume and grow with, its population explodes. When a limiting factor is removed, there’s nothing holding the population back any more until they hit a new limit. The Shape’s old limiting factor was removed, and it would only stop reproducing by running out of space to grow on the rig, running out of organic matter to use, or being killed (like, say, in a giant fiery explosion).

(I could go on and on about how the Shape potentially works, please feel free to ask me about it)

Now, I’ll get to my main theory:

I think Caz was dead the whole time.

Now, I don’t mean that in a “the whole game is in his head, none of it was real” way; I mean it in a “this man got Ethan Winters’ed” way. 

So, I started to do a little research into how tall oil rigs are to know how far Caz would have fallen off the helipad. I quickly learned there are many types of oil rigs and not every oil rig of the same type is the same size. I’m studying marine biology, not petroleum engineering like my brother, so I got tired of trying to guesstimate how tall the Bierra D’s helipad would be and attacked the problem with some simple math. 

Watching a video, I saw he fell for between 4-5 seconds; the acceleration due to gravity is 9.8m/s^2. Plugging that in a calculator while not accounting for air resistance to solve for distance gets me ~80-120m, depending on if I used the 4 or 5 second count, so I’ll guess around 100m. I’ve found many conflicting sources on what the tallest heights you can safely fall into water are, but I can safely tell you that 100m is much higher than any of them. 

Now, maybe the devs weren’t going with the mathematical exact timing it would take for a guy to fall off an oil rig, and didn’t mean for it to be implied that he fell from THAT high. Still, we can agree he fell from very high up, high enough to have likely ended in injury. Maybe he’d just fall on and break a leg? Maybe an arm or some ribs?

After falling off the rig, the last frame before Caz blacks out shows the water at the top of the screen, meaning he hits the water head-first. He may be wearing a hard hat (that somehow stays on his head through the whole ordeal since he clips his flashlight to it), but he still should have cracked his skull open or broken his neck. 

When they pull him out of the water, he’s cold and not breathing, which wouldn’t be unusual for a drowning victim in the North Sea in the dead of winter, but it would usually be a death sentence. They never explain how they dragged Caz out of the water, but it would presumably have taken a long time to get him out, and time is key when dealing with someone who isn’t breathing. The fact that he’s able to cough up water and start breathing on his own is a miracle, since it doesn’t sound like Brodie or Douglas do CPR when they bring him inside.

So, fall damage, head and/or spine injury, drowning, and hypothermia. By several different factors, Caz should be a very, very dead man. So why isn’t he?

My theory is that, somehow, somewhy, the infection from The Shape healed and brought him back to life. We know for a fact it has amazing generative properties, basically able to double, triple, quadruple the amount of tissue and organic matter in the crew’s bodies with no regard for conservation of mass, so what’s just a little regeneration of damaged tissues in a single body? Once Caz’s body gets someplace with better conditions suited to life (inside where it’s warm and there’s air), it just jumpstarts his body functions. The Shape’s presumably been dormant in the seafloor for a long time, so it could be able to go dormant and kinda “come back to life” as conditions change, similar to a tardigrade, and potentially pass this ability onto its hosts.

And Caz mentions how his head hurts a lot, especially when he gets close to the Shape. 

Now, this might seem like baseless conjecture, and y’all might say “That’s a good headcanon, but there’s no evidence that The Shape could bring people back to life!” to which I would say “Oh, but there might be!"

After the helicopter on the starboard side, we get a call from Bruce, who is actively drowning. Through his gasps, he tells us that O’Connor hurt his leg and couldn’t swim, presumably drowning. And guess who we see still kicking as we’re passing through the pontoon? My thought is that O’Connor couldn’t swim, drowned, and drifted to the bottom, landing on a part of the shape. Once Caz and Brodie start working in the legs and they drain, it exposes him to air and allows the shape to start growing again, assimilating him and bringing him back to life. 

Obviously, he’s not doing as well as Caz is. My thought was that, if Caz died as he was infected, the infection would’ve had to put a lot of its energy into bringing him back, not leaving much for itself to begin assimilating him into the Shape. Since O’Connor was in direct contact with the Shape, it could hook him up to its network to help supplement that loss. Caz, meanwhile, stays as far away from the stuff as he can and doesn’t even get anything to eat all day; guy's running on empty. He has small things where the Shape affects him, like the colors at the edge of his vision, but most of his hallucinations only happen after the Shape attacks him through O’Connor. Before, I’m pretty sure the largest incident (other than when he’s blacked out) is when we can barely hear Suze’s voice over the speakers when moving through the pontoon. It’s really only after getting attacked that he starts to hear her when he’s awake, near the Shape, or over phone calls. He only hears her clearly over the speakers in administration after he runs into the shape many times when he gets swept away in the flooding.

With my main evidence out of the way, I’ll also mention that Caz sees the “light at the end of the tunnel” from the end of the game in the oil flashes when he blacks out.

But hey, that’s just a theory. 

A GAME TH- I have received a cease and desist.

Man, this became a long read. Thanks for getting this far, and I hope you enjoyed!

[ninapi]

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┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺╚══ Upper Moon Four╝

Premise: Obsessive emotions can rut anyone away, appreciating love with fear, anger, joy, pleasure and sadness can overwhelm even the purest of hearts.

Word Count: 2638

Note: You can read the first installment of this story here, this was requested by the lovely @star-dust-wanderer, sorry it took so long for me to finish this! 🫣

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Fear is an incredibly powerful emotion.

It’s very much needed for survival, that is a fact, as it helps you keeping yourself safe and away from all dangers life can bring your way.

But when it comes to love and those sort of complicated feelings, fear can become your worst enemy.

While the rest of the clones had their fair share of excitement with this flower girl, Hantengu hasn’t stopped shaking since the moment you escaped.

Were you safe?

Were you able to escape from this awful series of unfortunate events?

Were you sad and alone waiting for someone to come and get you from a hidden cave in the woods?

Just why he kept thinking about all this was entirely a mystery for him. But he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even drink blood anymore. He was in physical pain from all this irrational fear to a point where Muzan told him to take a break, sort of…

“Get out of my sight, you useless creature…if I see you once more shivering in a corner today I swear I’ll crush your skull…”

His harsh words only made the grunting and shaking worse, if this wasn’t enough on it’s own he managed to anger his lordship. Why did his clones get him in this mess? Is not like he did willingly, he just absorbed them back, this never happened before, never their emotions were so high they would end up rubbing on him, this was a first and he didn’t know how to fix this.

“I need this to go away before Muzan-sama ends up eating us all…” quivering behind a rock he summoned them four, while all he could feel was fear, annoyance was as clear as water in his eyes.

“Fix this now!”

Sekido as usual was the first one to talk, “This is all your fault to begin with! YOU sent us her way, you agreed on taking this mission! And now you want US to fix it?” scoffing he just paced around said rock, “So easy of you to say…you never take on the dirty work…”

Karaku on the other hand was delighted with the news, “Do we know where she is? I can’t wait to see that gorgeous body of hers again…ahhhhh….my love….I hope she’s dying to meet me just the same way I am…” loud scoffs was all that could be heard in the background, presumably coming from Sekido.

“I just hope she’s still alive…poor girl…she didn’t do anything wrong and she’s so nice…so kind…” Aizetsu kept sighing from his place underneath a tall tree.

“She’s fine, I’m sure. I’ve never seen a stronger woman before. She even likes Sekido!” Urogi was circling them all from above, happily flying with excitement.

“I don’t know where the woman is, just go find her. Don’t come back until you get rid of her!”

“WHAT?” the four of them said in unison, dumbfounded by their counterpart’s instructions.

“I can’t keep living like this, you need to make sure this stops right now. I need her out of our life!”

“I don’t think getting rid of her would fix this problem…if any…my own emotions will drown you further…” Aizetsu rarely has any valuable input in a problem, being driven by sadness isn’t the solution to any problem, but this sounded about right.

“Sekido will consume you from the inside too…” 

“Ugh…We won’t kill her…but I’ll think of a way of fixing the problem.” without acknowledging  their higher self, they followed their self imposed leader, at least he didn’t want you dead.

“Aizetsu, can you track her scent?”

Pulling a little piece of cloth from his pocket, he sniffs it like a pup. “You had a piece of her kimono with you all this time? You disgust me…”

“Don’t listen to him, he’s just jealous because he doesn’t have one himself.”

“She’s in that direction…” he pointed south, the familiar scent he’s been craving so much filling his lungs causing a few tears to roll down his face.

“Urogi…”

“Yes sir!” flying as fast as he could through the vast forest, an immense amount of excitement filled his chest. While he’s the most calm of the bunch, just thinking of being able to see you once more was enough to make him forget about how hungry he was.

The night was dark, the moon kept hidden by pesky water filled clouds. Of course nothing that would stop Urogi from finding his prize, yet a bit troublesome to say the least. Storm winds kept pushing him on the opposite direction, washing away the soft floral scent he got to love so much.

“(Y/N)!! (Y/N) baby can you hear me? It’s Urogi! (Y/N)??? C’mon love stop hiding!” he screamed at the top of his lungs while flying low. He knew you were there somewhere, he could literally feel it, yet you were nowhere to be seen.

A little branch cracking caught his attention, his eyes glowing brightly in the darkness as the figure he’s been dying to see again finally reveals in front of him.

“Urogi-san? Is it really you?” unlike him, you couldn’t see in the dark, yet the powerful sound of his wings was a memory you treasured dearly and would recognize anywhere.

“(Y/N)!!!” a loud thud could be heard as your body hit the ground, a very heavy mass of muscle and wings crushing you and smothering you with kisses. 

“Urogi-san! I thought I’d never see you again! Why are you here?”

“We were a bit restless thinking of what became of you. Are you hurt? Have you been eating?” 

Giving him that lovely smile of yours,  you just shook your head. “I’m not hurt, all thanks to you all. Aizetsu-san made sure I got to escape safely. Are you four ok?”

“We’re fine just worried about cha. Let’s go find the others, shall we?” he didn’t really gave you time to answer, scooping you in his strong arms and giving you forehead a soft loving kiss while he crossed the forest once more, with you in his arms the storm winds were nothing to him, pure joy elated his heart and that was more he could ever wish for.

Once he managed to get back to others, he put you down puffing his chest proudly, “Found her~”

“Sekido-san!!!” you tackled the demon, wrapping him in a warm embrace, while the others knew you were quite fond of him, they never expected to see such a thing.

“Are you ok? You’re such a dumb woman, I’m sure you’re hurt everywhere, aren’t you? Show me your injuries, you idiotic pest!” 

His angry outburst made you giggle, even if he was angry he was worried about you, that much was clear. “I’m fine. Don’t worry, I’m tough, remember?”

Scoffing he stopped resisting your snuggling, “Yeah right, like a useless human could do anything on their own…”

“I wasn’t on my own though…Aizetsu-san helped me get out of there unscratched.” reaching a hand over to Aizetsu, you pulled him into the warm mess of tangled limbs you called hug. 

“I missed you…” the sadness in his voice was palpable, while the other three missed you as well, they were incapable of showing it the way he could.

“I missed you too. Did you manage to escape alright too?” you cupped his cheek, tenderly caressing it with your thumb, while he couldn’t smile, his eyes watered with intensity from your soft loving touch, nobody had ever shown such tenderness to him, he was a demon, undeserving of such delicacy.

“Yeah…we are all fine. Better now that you’re here…”

Karaku was enjoying the show from up a tree branch, drinking some sake while admiring your beauty from afar, “We need to get you back to safety, sweetheart. Otherwise our emotions won’t be at peace. Though, I still want to strip you naked and drink from your-“

“Shut your mouth if you ever want to use it again.”

Sekido’s outburst made you giggle once more and snuggle further onto him. “Are we going back to the cottage? Or is it still not safe?”

“The cottage should be fine, right boss?”

“Yeah the demon corps left the area a while back, even if they did a human living there on her own wouldn’t be suspicious.”

“As long as we aren’t there, that is. We would only bring her troubles…” Aizetsu sighed heavily, sinking further into your embrace as if trying to engrave this moment in his memory for eternity. The warmth of your body, your little squeezes, the soft touch of your loving kisses…in all honesty he wished he could enjoy those all his life. 

But there was no way he could.

“Let’s go, gorgeous. I’ll carry you in my arms so you don’t have to walk.” flying with Urogi was quite thrilling, though it was also pretty fast to arrive to wherever the aim was and that was something you didn’t want right now. “As much as I enjoy that, I think I would like to walk with all of you, if you don’t mind.”

They were all as surprised as the other by your response. It almost sounded like you wanted to spend time with them. But that couldn’t be true, they were your captors, they literally kidnapped you and forbid you to return to your home town, not even to retrieve the corpses of your departed family.

Aizetsu held one of your hands in his, gently caressing your knuckles with his thumb, “Let’s go.” 

Taking the lead was never reserved for Aizetsu, he lacked assertiveness, but even sadness can be useful when it comes to real love.

He had the most intense feelings out of the rest, while some might think Sekido was the obvious answer, sadness is more powerful than anger, it tears you apart from within, it makes you take stupid decisions, clouds your view of every possible positive outcome. But it also clings to the beautiful feeling of love, craves it like no other as it soothes their lonely heart.

Aizetsu was the one who triggered such anxiety in Hantengu, he was the sole reason for his constant breakdowns.

While the other three contributed to this, Aizetsu kept flooding his mind with insanity.

The moment you smiled at him and held his hand back, his heart just couldn’t take it anymore, sobbing, he kept on walking north, he needed to bring you back to safety, back to a place he could always find you at.

“Oi Sekido…If we bring her to the cottage…does that mean we can just visit her whenever we want?”

“Ugh…I guess…but try to suppress your joy or he will notice…”

Urogi danced in the gloomy night sky, even if Aizetsu had the best interaction with you this time around, there was always a chance to see you again, he could come and smother you with kisses whenever he wanted, he could just stop feeling like he was drowning. Being happy all the time can be as exhausting as being sad or angry, it makes you question your own choices, your own words, your own truthfulness, yet with you around he never had to question anything, he could utterly enjoy his joyful self, making you giggle, causing you to smile, being a source of happiness to you was more than enough for him.

Sekido on the other hand, had his mind filled with uncertainty.

While he knew you being safe would bring order to his messy thoughts, he also knew it was very unlike him to enjoy your company, your touch, your smile. He was in rage with his own self, he wanted to kick himself real bad, rip his own head off, he couldn’t fathom anger itself could bring something like love to bloom.

What angered him most was the fact that you didn’t mind any of this. You were surrounded by demons, demons that could eat you alive at any point in time, you were facing Karaku who could ravish you to pieces, and all you did was giggle like a fair maiden, blush at their words, cuddle them like they were a bunch of puppies. You’d end up dead at this rate…if you accepted them just fine, you could accept any other demon, they would not think twice and dismember you like a chicken for supper, drink your delicious blood like nectar from the gods.

“Woman. You can’t let anyone enter the cottage but us, you hear me?”

“What do you mean?”

“You…your scent…calls creatures like us…they won’t be as generous…”

“Ah….yes…anyone would party in that beautiful body of yours, my muse…I would if Sekido wasn’t as noisy…” the scowl in Sekido’s face was almost comical, yet he was absolutely right and that was a terrifyingly infuriating thought.

“Got it. Will you guys bring food to me then? If I can’t go out?”

“You can go out, dumbass. Just not at night.”

“Oh…that makes things easier, yes. But you will come and visit me, right?” the pleading look in your eyes made him feel somewhat light headed, an unusual sensation at that.

“Yeah yeah…”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The cottage was still the same way you left it, remains of the rope that held you captive, charred coal from Karaku’s bonfire…Urogi’s scratches on the floor, it held so many dear memories, even if they were fleeting, they were all very much treasured memories of yours.

They were hard at work reinforcing the door and windows, setting traps around the cottage, making sure no demon would dare to touch their prey. 

Aizetsu though, couldn’t bare being away from you and was currently laying his head on your lap while you caressed his long fluffy hair. 

While he was still sad about leaving you here on your own, he knew there was noting he could do, he couldn’t stay here to protect you, though he could come at any time, see your face, have your soft soothing touch all to himself.

“Aizetsu-san…I wanted to thank you…” your voice was nothing but a whisper, yet he could hear all of it and it made his stomach drop with anticipation.

“You were always so kind to me, from the start. Gave me a sense of safety I never felt before…” your words turned to silence yet your loving touch said more than your words, he could feel how much you cared for him, for the others, how you accepted them even knowing what they truly were, a sense of belonging bloomed in his chest the same way it did on the others.

“I’ll come visit when I can…will you…will you caress my hair like this when I do?”

“Of course, sweet stuff. As much as you want…”

Unbeknownst to you both, the other three were watching the entire interaction. 

They were connected after all, they were one.

That sense of belonging bloomed in all of them at once, and not an ounce of jealousy could be felt within any of them, not even Sekido.

This is where they belonged. 

Not by Muzan’s side, not fighting demon hunters, but in your arms.

A realization that was not only worrying but wholesome, as much as troubling.

Demons can’t fall in love, can they?

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Masterlist

[that-ari-blogger]

Fantasy Australia (The Edge Of The World)

How do I open this post?

Almost every episode this season has had majour revelations, but this is one of the most significant. Every episode has had multiple themes that it has played with, but this one weaves them all together so incredibly seamlessly. Every episode has made an attempt at emotionality, but this is one of the few that genuinely has me bawling at almost every watch though.

So, yeah, this episode is dense, but it doesn’t feel like it. There is a ton of information here that goes straight to your brain without having to be pointed out. Combine that with the substantially ambitious plot, and this episode is really efficiently written.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (The Owl House, Nimona, Glee)

I’ve said before that certain stories don’t go places, and instead start there and get more detailed in their examination of it, and I’d like to clarify that here with a contrasting example. The Owl House goes places.

For an example, let’s look at an earlier episode that tried to do something with King, that being Really Small Problems. I know it isn’t a fair comparison, but that’s kind of the point here.

Really Small Problems comes towards the end of the first season. The series has got its mind around what it wants to do, and it shows us the growing camaraderie between the characters. Amity isn’t Luz’ friend yet, let alone girlfriend, and Eda gets in trouble with the “Fun Police.”

It is a fun episode, with the main conflict being King’s fear of abandonment. He doesn’t want to be left behind, so he accidentally causes an issue. By its very nature, this episode is small in the big scheme of things, and it’s not trying to be anything else.

“Dumb kids? Wait, those are my dumb kids!”

This isn’t from King, but it does help me segway into The Edge Of The World. By the time the final arc rolls around, Eda realising she has to look after people has turned into a desperation to protect them from all danger.

“This is so much bigger than I imagined, Lily. I thought Luz was just some lost kid, but because of me she’s wrapped up in this thing with Belos and its… it’s just not fair. She and King are children. They shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

Up until this point, I agreed with everything that Eda had said. They are kids, get them away from the danger, that’s basic parenting. This isn’t a “let them make their own mistakes”, this is something that could get them killed and is actively detrimental to their mental health as it is.

I genuinely love the shot composition of this one moment. We get Everyone at a different distance, guiding your eye through the shot. But you also have Eda leaning in to get between them all and physically disrupt their plans.

However, I want to disagree with Eda on one key element of this. It is not her fault.

Because, yeah, if she hadn’t been exiled from society, or if she hadn’t been cursed, things would have gone much better for everyone. But I’m using passive voice for a reason. It wasn’t Eda’s fault that someone cursed her, it wasn’t Eda’s fault that society exiled her. Someone decided that wild magic was punishable by death, I would place more blame on that person than on Eda.

Focusing in on the curse bit for a second, Eda has forgiven Lilith, and the two have a much healthier relationship. This is most exhibited by fact that Eda can be honest with her, and the reaction she gets is a hug and reassurance.

“We have a whole week until the Day of Unity. We'll figure out how to keep them safe.”

Did you catch that, though? Two lines, and we have two character arcs set up, as well as a deadline being established. The next few episodes all take place in the span of a single week.

This is the equivalent to the last season of The Clone Wars turning to the camera and saying, “Duku’s dead, buckle up”.

This is the opposite of drip feeding, it’s a lot of stuff happening very quickly. Your brain can only focus on one element, but you do register the rest subconsciously.

The technique has already been used less than thirty seconds prior to this, with Hooty dropping the Chekhov’s Gun that is the army on the house’s doorstep in the middle of Eda’s breakdown. You are so focused on the fact that this is white noise to her that you almost miss this. Almost.

If you did notice that information becomes Hitchcockian suspense, as you will spend the rest of the episode stressing about Eda and Lilith. If the episode just ended on the cliffhanger with no setup, you would panic at the end, but you know it’s coming. You look forwards.

Zooming out for a second, I want to talk about the purpose of storytelling and how it relates to analysis.

Stories exist, first and foremost, to communicate with their audience. That is how we end up with shallow stories and dense stories. A shallow story is trying to communicate itself and not much else, and this is not definitively worse or better than a more complex story. Sometimes, the story just wants you to have a good time watching it, and that’s ok.

As such, a key tool in any writer’s arsenal is engagement. If an audience member connects with a story, they are a more likely to understand the plot and themes and all other relevant elements.

It’s not essential, There Will Come Soft Rains is a short story by Ray Bradburry that is intentionally uncomfortable to read, and that’s because the aim is to get you to stop reading and take action.

Look at these character designs. They're so unique and personable. But they're also weird. King's eyes don't match these at all. Maybe they aren't as similar to him as they claim.

The Owl House is a series that, for the most part, likes to be engaging, and The Edge Of The World does this especially well through worldbuilding. You find out that this world has a version of Australia, and you don’t ever get to explore it, you just get glimpses.

The series has rewarded curiosity up to this point and trained you to pay attention to its actual plot. So, let’s actually talk about that.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A character spends the story learning something about themself that explains part of who they are. But oh no, the characters family, who was so accepting up to this point, is suddenly unforgiving. All the character wants to do is engage with their family and cultivate that relationship, but the basic detail of who they are gets in the way of that, culminating in the following:

“You were never one of us.”

This is the plot of Nimona, my single favourite moving picture ever made.

Nimona is a fundamentally queer movie, with its eponym’s shapeshifting nature causing her to be ostracised. She is othered because of who she is, when all she actually wants is friendship.

But Nimona is actually a secondary character in her own movie. It’s not about her, it’s about the other side. Nimona is about someone who has been societally conditioned to be a bigot learning the error of his ways.

The film is a subversion that doesn’t focus on humanising the queer person, instead using that as a baseline and explaining that it is possible for an asshole to change.

But this is all very cerebral. What about a more blatant example?

“I’m just too tired. I have to just be me.”

“Everyone has secrets, Santana. They are called secrets for a reason.”

This is part of a conversation that takes place between Santana and her Grandmother in Glee, leading up to Santana’s wedding to another woman. This is Santana coming out to her grandmother, and I want to highlight the acting here.

It’s quiet, and comfortable. You can tell that these two share a kinship. But the second Santana starts being honest, Abuela starts looking around for an escape, clearly wanting to be anywhere she is not. Who Santana is has created a rift between her and her family.

This is, notably, subverted at the wedding itself. There are not many moments in any media that can make my stomach drop without fail, but the second Abuela walks through the door is incredible. It’s a moment of connection and overcoming of prejudice. It’s a story beat that communicates itself to you entirely in four seconds.

If we pivot this back to King for a moment, we end up with a very similar story. It’s about King discovering he is a Titan, a word that doesn’t mean anything in our world, so we are free to engage with it as we wish. Then, he is shunned by the people who claim to be his family.

His fear of abandonment from previous episodes has been put on full display. We have set up why this would hurt him as much as it does

You could make a note about how this episode relates to interpretations of faith through the Titan Trappers' admiration for the Collector, who in turn doesn't appear to know who they are, so the Trappers are instead making things up as they go. You could notice that. But I won’t.

The Owl House resolves its main conflict by giving King two families of his own. The first is the found family of Luz, Hooty, and Eda, who contrast the stereotypical family things that the Trappers do with actual love and affection. But, he also has the land itself, which guides and protects him.

Before I go, I want to briefly mention a piece of fanart. Spoilers for the entirety of the series from this point onwards.

The most important shot of this episode, to me, is one of the final ones. King, looking out, returning to his home, but with different eyes. He’s choosing to engage with it, but he’s still staring at the vastness of his own future.

The artist @kaereth then offered another angle on this scene, quite literally.

The land is guiding King, his parent was always there, always watching, always looking after him. Because someone can’t talk to you doesn’t mean that they aren’t present.

The Titan is effectively dead in this series. Like, sure, he’s alive in there, but he ain’t doing much. This is the closest the two get to actually sharing a conversation, and it’s the moment before everything goes to hell.

Fun fact, this is what traveling in Australia actually feels like, so kudos for the accuracy there.

Final Thoughts

This is what I meant about The Owl House being a queer story rather than just a story with queer people in it. It’s about identity and family and belonging. It’s about freedom and escape from bigotry.

Because being queer doesn’t make you any different from anyone else, it just means maybe you like or don’t like different people or express yourself in a different way. It’s just a thing that people are.

Next up, Labyrinth runners, the culmination of the most important character arc in the entire show. That of one Principal Bump. Stick around if that interests you.

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[sunniedesi]

Future Diary Light Novel (thoughts/ short TL)

It’s common for light novels to receive manga or anime adaptations in order to introduce the series to a wider public. What’s not so common is for the reverse to happen, though with a series as popular as Future Diary was back in the early 2010’s, it’s only natural that a light novel was among the many adaptations it received. Said adaptation was released in 2012 and written by the author Itou Nobuki (who, according to his MAL profile, hasn’t worked on any other piece). The light novel was divided into two books, and each chapter contains unique artwork done by Masahiko Yoshihara. The art is also the only different/new thing the light novel adds to this series. 

The general consensus on the light novel is that it’s a retelling of the manga, which other than giving you a little more insight on the characters’ thoughts, doesn’t add anything new. I decided to give it a read to confirm this myself, and… I have things to say (spoilers for the LN ahead… and Future Diary too, duh).

First and foremost, the notion that the light novel adds nothing new is mostly correct, save for the prologue and epilogue. The prologue introduces the reader to ““Deus,”” who is experiencing some form of memory loss and is now being guided by MurMur through the Akashic Records to remember the events of the Survival Game. The novel then goes over the events we already know from the series all the way up to 9th’s death… where it suddenly ends. Yes, the novel ends with 9th’s death and jumps straight to the epilogue, where ““Deus”” informs the reader that he cannot recall the events after that, because it physically hurts him to remember.

That’s when we get the revelation that this isn’t Deus we’re dealing with, but Yukiteru, who has taken on Deus’ role after winning the Survival Game. Apparently, he’s experiencing problems with his memory similar to Yuno’s due to the trauma of losing her, so to further help Yukiteru remember the ending of the Survival Game, MurMur gives him Yuno’s diary, from which he gathers the final details. From there on, the events carry out similar to Redial, where the last entry in Yukiteru’s diary gets rewritten to “Yuno’s coming to see me.” Yuno then magically appears and it’s happily ever after and blah blah blah…

While I found the prologue and epilogue to be insightful in terms of giving us more details about the ending, I was pretty confused that the novel left out the most crucial aspects of the story. Everything from episode 22 and on from the anime (or the last two volumes of the manga), which includes: Yukiteru killing his friends, Yukiteru finding out that the dead cannot be revived, Happy End, time loop plot twist (which is the pillar the story is built upon btw), the final battle between Yukiteru, Yuno and the 9th… and the list goes on. If someone who hasn’t read the manga or watched the anime read this as a stand-alone piece, they’d be left scratching their heads at the epilogue. 

The novel makes you raise all the questions that would lead to the eventual plot twist, simply to end with said questions unanswered. And if you think this is weird, it’s because it is. The author himself acknowledges this on the author’s notes at the end of the novel. He explains that the light novel was set out to be a two-parter from the very beginning, meaning he couldn’t extend it to fit all aspects from the manga. Which is understandable; however, he deliberately chose to end it with 9th’s death because he "wanted to leave the story at its climax for the epilogue."

Look, I understand this man was working with what he was given, but if he really wanted to blue-ball the audience, he could’ve at least tried to fit the revelation of the time loop before cutting to the epilogue. You know, so the story actually makes some sense? The epilogue casually mentions the second and third world as if it's something that's been brought up before, when this is the first and only time it's mentioned. Anyway, I’m going off on a rant here. I’m very particular about pacing and structure in writing, so seeing something like this really grinds my gears (especially since I wanted to see the events from the final episodes novelized).

With that out of the way, I did translate a little bit of the light novel since there’s no official translation out there, namely the prologue, chapter 1 and the epilogue. I’m not planning on translating the rest of the novel since it’s basically a retelling, but I did find those parts to be interesting enough to translate, given that the prologue and epilogue delve into Yukiteru’s ten thousand years of solitude. 

Now that I have my little rant/ translation projects of the week out of the way, I’ll go back my cave ~

[typellblog]

Suruga Devil - An Analysis

Something I’ve been thinking about is how even though Oshino disappeared six books ago, some way or another a specialist manages to crawl their way into every arc. Almost irregardless of the circumstances, these kids need someone to explain the problem to them. To bring them face to face with the truth they haven’t quite realised yet. 

In Hanamonogatari, though, advice might be the last thing that Kanbaru Suruga needs - despite, or perhaps because so many different people want to offer it to her. 

I’ll be riding my arc formula all the way from Bakemonogatari until the wheels fall off, so I think here I want to talk about the title again. 

Suruga Devil. Isn’t that odd? It almost sounds like we’re dealing with the exact same oddity as her first arc. Except there’s a different Devil-sama in this one, someone who has more devil parts than Suruga herself. Numachi Rouka is also an oddity, by virtue of being already dead, and by that logic Suruga must be the ‘victim’ of her haunting. 

The theory is floated here that all ghosts work similarly to Hachikuji. They hang around because of a certain regret, and people with a similar regret or issue are the only ones that can see them. What, then, is Rouka’s?

I think there’s something to be said for how obviously she wants to play basketball with Suruga again. 

Even in a series full of unreliable narrators Rouka is unique in that we don’t get to see her internal narration, just how she chooses to present her life story to Suruga. There are hints that she was spinning it a bit - Higasa mentions that ‘family issues’ Rouka hardly talked about also contributed to her suicide, not just the broken leg. 

Frankly I see in Rouka someone trying to put up a strong front to hide how severely something actually affected her. She refers to herself derisively as misfortunate, acknowledges the suffering that it caused her, but still tries to make herself seem distant from it, like it’s something she’s already dealt with. Like her misfortune-collecting has made her happy again. 

Her initial attitude is hostile, confrontational. She seems like she’s trying to upset Suruga, describing her own activities in a tone that makes it obvious how unapologetic she is about the scumminess of it all. She wants to feel powerful, in control of the situation, even if it means she has to come off as an asshole. 

In their final match Suruga leans into it, matching Rouka’s hostility and desire to compete with her rather than running away from it. I want to say it’s a way of paying her final respects.

Rouka says she didn’t feel like she ever suffered a clear loss in life. Her injury didn’t come from a dramatic final showdown. Losing her scholarship didn’t make it impossible to continue schooling. And her leg’s rehabilitation didn’t make it impossible for her to live on. But at the same time, all of these things ground her down until she didn’t know what to do. Rouka says you can run away from almost every problem, and she did. She ran away from school. She ran away from getting a job. And in the end, she ran away from life. 

Kaiki remarks to Suruga that she can’t run away from all her problems. In his case he makes it brutally literal, but in an emotional sense he’s not somebody Suruga can ignore either, this weird older dude that has a history with her mother. Koyomi and Hitagi apparently told her to run away as soon as she met him, but they must not have considered he might have no ill will towards Suruga, not do anything that justifies running away from him. 

When Rouka gets on top of Suruga and draws close enough to kiss, she could run. She knows she could run. She doesn’t. Did you want her to kiss you? Some things you can’t run away from, because deep down you don’t want to. Like the dark reverse side of a wish.

For Rouka, the Rainy Devil is a competitor. It actually does something to solve people’s problems, where her method allows these anxieties to work themselves out by having the people in question do nothing at all. Some things are only made worse by worrying about them - in the hands of the Rainy Devil these problems that may have worked themselves out over time instead get escalated into potentially life-destroying issues.  Rouka isn’t one to make use of the devil’s arm, Suruga thinks. She would simply run away from the problem, not rely on external means to solve it. She’s strong like that. Strong enough to pretend her problems don’t matter to her. 

Only to pretend, though. The phrase “It’s better to regret doing something than regret not doing it” comes up. Rouka is of course on the side of regretting not doing something. A third path between victory and defeat. It has its advantages, Suruga does acknowledge it. But it can’t resolve anything. Rouka’s problems still exist, she just isn’t facing them. What Suruga does is make Rouka confront her and in doing so symbolically confront everything. It gives her a clear reason for her loss. It lets her let go. 

I think the reason that Rouka is so confrontational with Suruga, so eager to play basketball again, is because she knew this on some level. She prefers to regret not doing something, but of course that means she still regrets not doing something. She still wants to do it, still wants to play a proper match and finish off their middle-school rivalry.

I wondered what Rouka’s specific regret was, as a ghost, and while that game is about as close as anything, it still feels like I’m missing the big picture. Rouka doesn’t just collect misfortune, she collects devil parts. The things that show up physically on your body to prove you made a wish. The things that remain so long as that wish isn’t granted. The physical manifestation of regret for a choice that still has Suruga checking the news every morning to make sure she didn’t do anything during the night without remembering. 

Hachikuji gets people lost because she is lost. Rouka frees people from the regret of doing something because she herself never did anything about the situation she found herself in. It’s why she’s so interested in hearing the stories, along with the devil parts. People who did something she could never do. People who failed and became even more unfortunate than her, thus proving her right. 

She takes the devil parts from people who don’t want them anymore. You can’t run away from something if you really do still want it, but Suruga is well over it at this point. Consider how Suruga deals with the devil’s continued presence in her life. Refusing to run out of fear that someone might be faster than her. She used the arm to pursue Hitagi to the point of destruction, but in equal measure refused to do so, and in doing so was unable to replicate Koyomi’s success. In that sense, when Kaiki says you can’t outrun everything, he’s telling her that it’s okay to lose. It’s okay to try, and then fail. It’s okay to just hand the arm over to Rouka and move on. 

Higasa remarks that Suruga seems too positive of a person to have heard the Devil-sama rumor - because that’s the type of person Suruga is seen as. Polite, enthusiastic, direct, a star athlete, a hard worker,  a rich kid, a goody two-shoes. The type of person who would take issue with Rouka’s methods. Rouka expects a fight, because in a lot of ways Suruga is Rouka’s opposite, someone who would slap her in the face upon hearing about what she’s doing. 

At the same time, Suruga is the type of person to immediately second-guess that reaction. She lets Rouka’s hand sit on her chest for an uncomfortable length of time (the symbolic gesture associated with taking her devil arm!) because she feels bad about hitting her. Of course she would. She straps her arm to the wall at night because she’s scared of hitting someone again.

In other words, contrary to expectation, she’s the exact type of person that would encounter Rouka. The correct type of person to hear the Devil-sama rumor. The type of person that’s still burdened by the regret of a wish that turned into an obsession. Exactly the type of problem that can be solved, will be solved, simply by doing nothing. 

I said I still wanted to talk about the arc formula, and here it raises an interesting question of where exactly the specialist comes in. Kaiki, of course, is prominent in this novel - but even though he helps, he hardly explains anything. He has a policy, Rouka tells us, of only sharing half his information. It’s a little like Oshino’s rule of balance, but even less helpful. He shies away from the spotlight out of what I imagine is self-preservation - running away from Koyomi and Hitagi in Karen Bee, blatantly subverting their expectations that he explain Karen’s oddity. He does it anyway, but it’s pointless. The fever disappears on its own. 

Where Meme’s balance is to make sure he doesn’t interfere too much in others’ problems, ensure his surprisingly impressive spiritual abilities don’t create further disturbances in the course of solving them, Kaiki’s balance is to make sure he always has another opportunity to mess with people in the future, to ensure his practical-minded refusal to believe in spirits entirely doesn’t end up biting him in the ass. 

Even so, we’ve come to expect someone to come and clear things up, explain that which our protagonist was too slow to grasp on their own, put a neat little tie on the end of things. Like Tooe Gaen, perhaps? Deceased but apparently no less of an authority on the supernatural. “The motivation for justice is envy of evil,” we’re told, explaining precisely what left Suruga so unsettled about Rouka. Rouka did what she could never do, just like Suruga did what Rouka couldn’t. 

It’s a nice enough explanation, putting things into the dualistic perspective that Tooe seems to prefer. “If you can’t be medicine, then be poison, otherwise you’re just plain old water.” It doesn’t matter if you help others or hurt others as long as you do something, act in accordance with your nature, don’t let yourself be bound by the restrictions of society or conscience. Those are the type of people she seems most interested in, and the type of person Suruga ought to become as a result of this arc - someone who acts, as opposed to the inactive Rouka. 

And yet neither her nor Rouka seem to fit into Tooe’s format. Rouka, despite being plain water, is still muddy. A swamp. That mud, composed of everyday misfortune, is nothing nearly so interesting as to be called poison. Suruga is even more confused. A flash-flood, capable of clearing up the dirt that Rouka collected?

Suruga didn’t envy Rouka because she was evil. The implication there is that Rouka took pleasure in shattering social boundaries that Suruga felt obligated to stick to. But Suruga has already experienced what it’s like to violently pursue one’s own wishes in disregard of the feelings of others. It’s not fun! Suruga is jealous of, if anything, Rouka’s coolness. Her ability to roll with the punches, accept what happened to her with a laugh, shamelessly use her misfortune and pitiability as weapons. 

And Rouka, despite how she presents herself, was quite clearly not evil. Her offered ‘help’ is for entirely self-centered motives, and yet she’s much more concerned with the lives of others than her own. She does act like she doesn’t care about the people asking her for help, but all the same she does redirect those with more serious issues to the correct services. She did say she genuinely wanted to help Hanadori Rouka, the girl she met with the left leg, which is surprising from the perspective of Suruga’s vague animosity towards her, but completely understandable if you just think of Rouka as a normal girl. 

Suruga is neither good nor evil, as Koyomi puts it at the end of the book. She didn’t do the right thing, or the wrong thing. Neither did Rouka. They simply couldn’t look away from one another. Looking away, like running away, is only something you can do if you don’t really want to look. Even if Suruga ran away Rouka would have kept haunting her. She had the qualifications for it. Similarly, I feel like Rouka simply couldn’t look away from people’s misfortune, from the devil parts. Oddities arise for a reason, people have to want them on some level, and perhaps that’s true from the oddity’s side as well.

Speaking of Koyomi, though, he’s the last to give advice. He encounters Suruga at her lowest point, where she doesn’t know what to do, and quite literally helps her get back on her feet. His specialist qualifications are a bit iffy, but this is a timeskip - he’s in college, he’s more or less overcome his coming of age stuff. The thing is, his advice is to ignore everyone’s advice. For Suruga to act like herself, act on her instincts. To do neither the right thing or the wrong thing. 

Ironically, characteristically, she takes the advice anyway.

She’s immediately less unsettled around Rouka, more confident in how she wants to play it. I think about her bluntly stating she’s an exhibitionist. It’s a pervy joke, something that’s been oddly absent in this book so far. One of the things we realise, looking at the world from Suruga’s benefit, is that her perversion, her exhibitionism, frankly even her queerness and interest in BL was much played up for the benefit of Koyomi. At the same time, though, I don’t think that makes it somehow false or an inaccurate representation of herself. She was able to be more overt with these things around Koyomi, because he was accepting of it, and that’s a largely positive thing. 

It’s not a coincidence that her meeting with Koyomi gives her the confidence to be more like that with Rouka, or that this line about exhibitionism actually ties into an important part of her character. You see, right after, Rouka says it must have been tough for her to conceal the devil’s arm. 

I think about the arm as representative of the stigma of queerness, as something that paints her desire for Hitagi as animal and violent (even as it’s capable of finding perfectly healthy expression on the flip side), as something that she has to conceal from others. Recall how in Suruga Monkey her being a lesbian is revealed right after the arm itself, and it’s her sexuality that Koyomi finds the more shocking. 

From that perspective, you could think about Rouka as helping the devil part bearers integrate into society by removing the outward signs of their queerness, their difference. She takes it all on herself, with her oddly dyed hair, baggy tracksuit, put-on limp. She takes it all on herself because she no longer needs to live in normal society. No longer can. 

It kind of explains more of Suruga’s hesitance to let Rouka go. It’s not like she wants to keep the arm. It’s not like it represents the truth of her sexuality in itself. She was gay before the arm and will be after. I think it moreso represents Tooe’s approach to identity and self-change. You can be whatever you want, but becoming is an inherently painful process.

We’d like to think that Tooe’s message was that you should learn to change yourself rather than relying on suspicious magical artifacts, but the fact that she exposed Suruga to that risk in the first place indicates she’s fine with danger as a teaching device. Fine with her daughter becoming poison. Maybe even fine with her killing someone.

In the end, all the arm does is give her an inferiority complex. Her admiration of Hitagi, her graceful running style, is built on the fact that Suruga herself doesn’t feel she can run like that. She’s faster, but also uglier, more desperate. Her admiration of Koyomi, his self-sacrificing nature, is built on her shame over not being able to help Hitagi more herself. She’s self-effacing, but also uglier, more jealous. 

Suruga is glad to lose the arm, but she still feels uneasy about Rouka getting it. About being saved by someone else. Aren’t people supposed to just go ahead and save themselves? In this one thing, at least, Rouka is a more helpful specialist than even Oshino Meme. 

On that topic, the last person to give Suruga advice is Rouka herself. At the end of their second meeting, Rouka tells her to live a normal life. Do all the things I couldn’t do. She’s a negative example, telling people to not end up like her. Just stay in the closet. This, too, will pass.

That, kinda sucks though. Integrate into society? Drop all visible signs of your queerness? Get a boyfriend? Rouka’s channeling old tragic yuri tropes for the last time she thinks they’ll ever meet. 

Is that really what Rouka thinks? Does she really envy Suruga’s potential to be normal? To get a job? Because the opposite is precisely what Suruga envies about her - Rouka’s ability to ignore social expectations. The thing is, after their final match, the advice changes again. Who cares about studying for exams? Just start playing basketball again. This is really the only thing I can imagine Rouka envying Suruga for. It’s the path where she gets to make use of her arm again. 

Saying that basketball is representative of Suruga’s queerness here is even more of a stretch than applying that to her arm, but there’s at least one important respect in which the analogy kinda works. 

The way she wins the game. 

Basketball is a game for more than one player. The phrasing is a little awkward - ideally it would read “Basketball is a game for two players” to make the comparison to romance even more explicit, but - that isn’t true, is it. So the fact that there are exactly two of them playing becomes a little more significant, I think. 

They have to combine their efforts to get the ball into the hoop. That’s a disingenuous way of putting it, when they’re on opposite sides, but it’s still true. Rouka, after all, couldn’t get it in alone. That wasn’t her aim in the first place. She was just trying not to lose. 

Suruga didn’t just let her lose decisively for the first time, she also let Rouka win. Rouka wasn’t passed to, much, when she used to play. This is the first time she realises that basketball can’t be played alone.

And, well, when you put it in that sense, basketball isn’t just representative of romance, it’s representative of life in general. When you look back on Rouka’s backstory, at this point, one thing stands out. She never relied on anyone else. She never had anyone to rely on. It’s so bad that she ends up in Suruga’s orbit. The anime opening portrays what it might be like if they had a closer relationship, but that’s something that had to be invented in retrospect, because they really didn’t talk much. They didn’t even properly play against each other much. But when it comes down to it, Rouka is drawn to Suruga’s family inheritance of the devil parts, Suruga’s family inheritance of an annoying conman uncle, and in the end, back to Suruga herself. 

Suruga’s not the only person who ever truly understood her, as you might expect from a school rivalry situation. Suruga is simply the only person in a position where it’s even possible to truly understand her. The only person that could have drawn that final dunk out of her. The only person who could remind Rouka that she really did enjoy basketball, enjoy life.

In doing so, it serves as a reminder to herself, as well. 

Thanks for reading, everyone! Call this the Pride Month special, even though I didn’t discuss the queer themes of this story as much as I would have liked. Next: Otori. Oh boy.

[dramadramallama]

Love Supremacy - brain rot part 1

So I have a problem. I enjoyed the first half of Love for Love's Sake without knowing I would get absolutely bowled over by the second half. I have so much to say holy fuck, I'm all over the place.

Unfortunately for everyone, my brain has been love supremacied, and I'm unable to move on. The show has a high rewatch value. It’s full of details; big, important ones, and small, insignificant ones, but they all add a lot of weight to the story. I need to exorcise my thoughts for my own sake. I guess if I have to intellectualize it somewhat, I really liked the show cause it’s perfectly balanced in terms of structure, and its themes. Judging from the amount of notes I have made on this show on my second watch, it’s safe to say it’s got some substance. It cleverly uses a mise en abyme, “a story within a story (within a story)” to really stack all those layers, and answer an age-old, quite difficult question: “what’s crucial to a happy life?” Dialogues, scenes, characters, and motifs all echo, mirror, and circle back to one another, giving the story enough dimension to avoid banalities.

Simply put, the thesis of the show is surprisingly philosophical, with universal themes. It posits that life is neither fate nor chance, and the answers are in mundane details of life. "Happiness is hidden somewhere in each of our days."

It’s obviously about love; a double love story even. Myung-ha learns to love someone else, and himself too. It's about life, and it's about death, new beginnings, and everything in between. The show made me feel like this, and like this, and like this, and...

▶️1. Mirrors/Symmetry

2. Fate, Free Will, and Happiness

3. Game/Reality

The story structure is very symmetrical. Circular almost. I LOVE IT, I EAT IT UP LIKE A HUNGRY, GRUBBY GOBLIN. Things begin where they end, elements keep repeating themselves like a series of mirrors.

By going through the game, Myung-ha finds himself on the other side of the mirror: he is supposed to find his own happiness, and will to live.

Yeo-woon is introduced to the audience as a sad side character in someone else’s story, victim of his “fate.” He almost perfectly mirrors Myung-ha: his background is eerily similar to his. He was raised by his (recently deceased) grandma, with an absent mother and a dead-beat dad. He’s lonely, unhappy.

When Myung-ha first meets him, Yeo-woon is resolutely standing on top of a building, about to fall or jump, which directly parallels Myung-ha's own suicide. In this new iteration of life, in this “game,” he saves Yeo-woon from hurting himself, which is the start of his own salvation. Saving Yeo-woon, the poor guy who didn’t get his happy ending, is saving himself. Yeo-woon is like a version of him right before he lost control of his life, after his grandma died, and he felt abandoned by all. It’s the core of the game, and the core of the drama, but Myung-ha (and we, the audience) can’t understand it right away.

Several details, in retrospect, show that he is the driving force behind this "game", and that it’s, by lack of a better term, both a test (as in, an exercise, a learning mechanism) and a Test (as in, an exam you don't wanna fail.) Myung-ha’s main, most important mission is to “make Yeo-woon happy.” Which he happily and enthusiastically tackles. He does what we all do: he takes a liking to the character most relatable to him. Time and time again, the way he reacts when presented with someone who struggles the same way he did is very telling.

He provides comfort. The comfort he lacked in his own life. (distant sounds of my heart shattering.)

But Yeo-woon isn’t the only one mirroring elements of Myung-ha’s life. Sang-won is a careless, tough-looking student, who seems slightly directionless. He picks fights easily and has a reputation at school for being “crazy.” He also smokes and rides a motorcycle (both illegal lol). His mom having abandoned Myung-ha, it’s also relevant to note Sang-won doesn’t seem to have a very good relationship with his own mother, and craves her attention. Although, he is your typical badboy, he is overall nice, sensitive, and has good intentions.

Myung-ha himelf appears to have been quite the turbulent student, with his own “mad dog” nickname. He, just like Sang-won, knows a thing or two about school fights, also drives a bike (lmao 100% sure he didn’t wait to have a license to drive though). Although he berates Sang-won for his rebellious side, with the patronizing tone of someone who’s done it all before, he shows genuine care.

Finally, Kyung-hoon. To me, he’s like another facet of Myung-ha’s personality. An absolute sweetheart, without friends, but always ready to help, and open to be befriended. While Myung-ha seems nonchalant about speaking badly of himself, he cannot stand it from others. He makes him his friend on the spot.

Once again, he provides like-minded friends the safe space he probably would have liked as a troubled, most certainly depressed teenager. Of course, it turns out Yeo-woon hates himself the most too (and by extension, dislikes everyone else.) It's the first clue for Myung-ha to realize some self-love might be the answer.

As it will become increasingly clear, Myung-ha has no issues protecting, providing for, and loving others, but fails to realize he should do the same for himself to achieve balance, and maybe, a little bit of happiness. The journey to get there makes him care for someone else the way he should care for himself, love someone else, like he should love himself. 

The last episode does a wonderful job of confirming what seemed to be threaded through the whole show, and explaining very clearly, in no uncertain terms, what it was all about.

However, the interesting aspect of this “mirror world," is that all of them, and Yeo-woon in particular, flip the script, in more ways than one. They all are a reflection of Myung-ha's life, but transcend their condition of “fictional character.” They’re not virtual. Yeo-woon is not made of something unreal, and he’s not a messed up copy of someone else. He has his own needs, desires, and quirks.

I don't think I can name them all here, but one of my favorite circular storytelling moment happens when Yeo-woon parallels Myung-ha by running to "find his fave." That moment in ep 8 counterbalances the one in ep 1.

Nothing is written in stone, and both of them set off to build their own happiness, against fate.

[inconsistentlywrittensoul]

I’m way behind on posting about my rewatch - there’s plenty I do want to say about S2, and there’s a whole essay about gender and Phases that I’m probably never going to write - but I’m into Season 3 and I really want to note how much early S3 establishes the issues that are going to drive Buffy’s long breakdown in seasons 6 and 7.

Firstly, Buffy's tendency to pull away from her friends, feeling she has to take care of everything for herself and protect them from her problems and her feelings rather than sharing them. It’s a consistent pattern, and we see it in her running away at the end of Season 2, and continually refusing to talk about what happened with Angel with both the Scoobies and Faith. When she eventually does try to talk to her assigned school counsellor about Angel, she explicitly says she can’t talk to anyone else about what’s happening (only to find him dead, which I’m sure didn’t help).

Of course, this isn’t just a flaw of Buffy’s - her friends have a pretty big role to play, especially Xander. His sanctimonious, judgemental whining about Buffy leaving, as well as anything to do with Angel, does a lot to push Buffy away. (Not to mention the first thing he does when he finds out Angel is back is try to manipulate Faith into murdering him.) It’s also hard not to suspect that Xander’s lie back in Becoming did a lot of damage - because of that, Buffy thinks even Willow hates Angel and wouldn’t understand her continued feelings for him. ‘Kick his ass’ made Buffy feel like literally no-one is on her side.

Regardless of the reason, here we see the beginning of the split that will make Buffy feel increasingly isolated and unable to trust or rely on anyone as the series continues into the depression years, especially Season 6. But we also see the start of a pattern that will become a central flaw in Season 7 - her inability to express empathy or care for anyone who she sees as a reflection of herself.

I’m actually not talking about Faith here - that’s related, but it’s also a whole can of lesbian worms I don’t want to get into right now. But aside from Faith, in the first few episodes of Season 3 there are two girls who mirror Buffy, specifically in her relationship with Angel. In Anne, we have Lily/Anne, who’s wants to spend the rest of her life with her older boyfriend, who has a criminal past and seems a little crappy but also genuinely loves her and is trying to be good to her, and who ends up being sent to hell. Then in Beauty and the Beasts, we see Abby, who started dating a guy who seemed nice at first, but who turned out to be an abusive monster. Both are very obvious parallels to Buffy in her relationship with Angel (in soul-having and soulless forms), and serve as ways for her reflect on that relationship.

But what I want to focus on is the fact that, while Buffy does try to help both girls, she’s also unusually harsh and unempathetic towards them. Her attitude is ‘This is how things are, and you need to set aside your emotions and just deal with it immediately and without emotional support’; it reflects how she treats herself, but it’s also a pattern in how she treats people whose challenges reflect hers. Which will come to a head in how she treats the Potential slayers in season 7, and the way she alienates everyone around her in part through her treatment of them (and therefore also her treatment of herself).

It’s just interesting to see these issues that will dominate the last couple of seasons come across so strongly in this early part of Season 3.

[purpleheartskies]

Johnny's redemption story (so far)

Since s1, the series has been pitched as Johnny's redemption story. However, by the end of s5, Johnny's story doesn't narratively include a "redemption" in any meaningful way. Although many fans claim that Johnny redeemed himself in earlier seasons (s1 in particular), I think the "redemption arc" part of Johnny's redemption story hasn't even started yet. After all, in most redemption stories, there is a lot of story/setup before a character even starts to be redeemed. I'm going to talk about Johnny's redemption. Then, I'm going to judge his story based on "five common problems with redemption arcs" to see if Johnny's story suffers from any of these problems.

Johnny needs redemption for his wrongs towards Robby, yet Johnny has done absolutely nothing of substance throughout the series to make up for his lifetime of failures with Robby.

In an interview after filming s5 but before s4's release, Billy said this about Johnny:

Johnny isn’t "consciously trying to find redemption as much as he’s trying to find himself without the Cobra Kai blanket on him... He’s trying to rewind time and go back to the belly of where this all started and undo all these knots. He just wants his kid back, he wants love, and he wants to run a dojo without any interference — [to] live a nice, simple life. But he’s got a long way to go there."

Billy's first and last sentence indicate that Johnny needs redemption but is nowhere near achieving it. Johnny wanting a nice simple life without actually working for it sounds pretty par for the course for Johnny. Johnny wants it easy. He wants to just move on without actually working for a redemption and making amends. He just wants rewards without having to earn them. In s3e10, Johnny set out to get an easy reward after his conversation with Ali:

Ali: "Sometimes it's good to visit the past to know where you are now. But you can't live in the past." Johnny: "No." Ali: "We have to live for today. And the future."

Johnny wanted to pursue more with Ali, although he had slept with Carmen the night before, but Ali shut that down. After this conversation, Johnny went to proclaim his "love" to Carmen while not caring at all where Robby was, that he was homeless, alone, and may even possibly be dead. Later, after Johnny's confrontations with his "past"---Kreese and Robby---, Johnny decided to leave them behind for good and move onto his "today" and "future"---Carmen and Miguel. In s4, he focused on his "do over" family, while not caring at all about Robby. Johnny "loves" Carmen because she enables him and completely overlooks his worst traits. Camen "loves" Johnny because he runs after her son while abandoning his own. This is definitely an unhealthy romantic relationship for Johnny to be in.

In general, instead of building healthy relationships with people who encourage him to be the best version of himself, Johnny has built codependent relationships with people, Miguel and Carmen, who encourage Johnny to only be the best version of himself that primarily benefits them. This of course adds to Johnny's failures with Robby, as Johnny prioritizes these people over Robby. Of course, Johnny doing this is an intentional choice on his part, and he is the one who is accountable to Robby for it.

Johnny's continued dysfunctional behavior with Robby is one of a few things that makes Johnny's story so far so unfulfilling, as this is supposed to be his "redemption" story. Instead, throughout the series, Johnny has been using Miguel and, since s5, the baby as well to feel better about himself. He does this to Robby's detriment, mistreating and traumatizing Robby even more. Starting out the series, Johnny's greatest, unforgivable sin is abandoning Robby his whole life. By the end of s5, Johnny has objectively dug that hole much, much deeper.... to the point that Johnny has crossed the "moral event horizon" (is beyond redemption) for some of us fans (specifically those of us who don't cheer on Johnny's behavior towards Robby, Johnny choosing the Diazs over Robby, the dysfunctional toxic blended family, and how it all came together at Robby's expense).

In the writers' interview with Koves, Josh Heald said this:

"Everything boils down to the type of karate that you learned. But it doesn't go to the actual punches and kicks. It's the type of teacher you have, the type of father or mother or sensei. However you define that. [Jon: And the lesson is behind it.] And what they're telling you to do and how they're telling you to help live your life and why. Are they in it for their own redemption or are they really in it for you? What have they been through that you don't know about? Like, you know, it goes back to that big why why why."

This is a really pointed statement. Given the storylines in the show, it's no question who Josh was talking about: Johnny and his relationship with Miguel. Josh is admitting that Johnny's intention in his relationship with Miguel is using Miguel as a "do over" for his own redemption. Of course, this was established in s1e4 as Johnny's purpose of choosing Miguel over Robby throughout the series. This interview with the Koves took place between the s4 and s5 releases, after s5 had already been filmed.

In a later interview after s5 came out, Josh said about Johnny and the baby plot device:

"He had one chance of being a biological father and kind of blew it for most of that kid's childhood. He had a second chance at being this kind of surrogate dad that is a work in progress, but is generally going kind of good. We wanted to kind of give him one more chance."

So, if Miguel is meant to be the "redemption" for Johnny, like many fans believe Miguel is, why did the writers give Johnny the baby as "one more chance"? Sounds like Johnny failed at his "second chance". In s5, nothing about Johnny's relationship with Miguel was detached from Johnny's relationship with Robby. Even Johnny's advice to Miguel in s5e3 about promising to do better tied into Johnny's scene later with Carmen. Johnny essentially promised Carmen that he won't fail her and the baby like he had failed Shannon and Robby. Going to rescue Miguel while not endangering Carmen in s5e1/2 involved mistreating and endangering Robby to do so. I've always said that the Johnny and Miguel hug at the end of s5e2 was more for the sake of Robby seeing it than for either Johnny or Miguel. Then, the s5e3 advice scene had its links to Johnny's failures with Robby. In fact, all of Johnny's s5e3 scenes were essentially about or referred to his failures with Robby. At breakfast, Carmen asked Johnny how things were with Robby. Then, in their next scene, she admit that she's late. After that, every conversation between them about the baby became about Johnny's insecurities because of his failures with Robby. S5e5 still was Johnny putting himself, Miguel, Carmen, and the baby over Robby. (In s5e6, it's implied that Johnny put Daniel over Robby.) S5e8 included the "fatherly advice" comment scene in which Johnny gave fatherly advice to Miguel and then got annoyed with Robby for essentially calling him out for not giving fatherly advice to Robby. Later, Robby was relegated to a side seat while Miguel sat across from Johnny during his talk with the boys in which Johnny didn't really address the impact that Hawk injuring Robby had on him and didn't address that Miguel had used the injury against Robby in this match in the s1 tournament. Johnny completely acted like Miguel hadn't cheated to win that championship. Johnny continues to pretend like Robby's traumas don't exist and wants Robby to do the same. The only thing to note positively is that Johnny looked at Robby's gi and told the judge to call the joint dojo Miyagi-Do. In s5e9, Johnny brought up Robby in the ultrasound scene. In fact, Vanessa Rubio said in an interview that Carmen originally had no lines in that scene, and that Vanessa insisted that Carmen needs lines in that scene. This means that the ultrasound scene was literally written for Johnny to muse about his failures with Robby. Later, while celebrating at a club, Chozen and Johnny have a conversation about their past mistakes. In s5e10, during the final brawl, there were the scene transitions between Johnny and Robby that sandwiched the line by Silver that Johnny's just going to screw up another kid. So even Silver finding out about the baby in s5e9 led to him commenting to Johnny in s5e10 about Johnny's failures with Robby. Again, essentially all of the baby plotline and Johnny's scenes with Miguel or Carmen in s5 acknowledged Johnny's failures with Robby---which is Johnny's reason for needing redemption and his reason for running after Miguel, Carmen, and the baby plot device to feel better about himself.

Johnny's entire arc in s5 was essentially rooted in and driven by his failed relationship with Robby, like his whole story has been since s1e4. The story, mostly through Johnny himself, kept reminding the audience that Johnny is not redeemed yet and that he needs redemption for failing with Robby. This is dramatic irony. Johnny believes he's already arrived: "If I can change, and you can change, everybody can change." But, we the audience have all the context we need to know that Johnny has a long way to go for redemption, like Billy said. However, the majority of the audience chooses to support Johnny prioritizing the Diazs over Robby, no matter how Johnny treats Robby, and wants Johnny's relationships with the Diazs to be the source of Johnny's redemption for failing with Robby. Even before s5 and the baby plot device, many fans didn't want Johnny prioritizing Robby over Miguel and Carmen in order to redeem himself to Robby.

In an interview with Cobra Kai Kid after filming CK s5, but before its release, Hayden said that they [he, Jon, and Josh] cared more about Johnny's redemption than about Kreese's redemption. WatchParty did a video about Hayden's comment. In his video, WatchParty tried to figure out what else Johnny could need redemption for, claiming that Johnny had been redeemed in s1 because Miguel had won the tournament. Though, this makes no sense because that win came at Robby's expense and Johnny himself was not happy with that win, at the time (before the school fight and Johnny eventually walking away from Robby for good at the end of the s3). WatchParty's second guess was Johnny needing to redeem himself to Robby. This is just one of many examples of the fact that many fans believe that Johnny is already redeemed because of his relationship with Miguel. Many also seem to believe that Johnny redeeming himself to Robby for abandoning Robby since his birth is either unnecessary/unimportant and/or Johnny's redemption for abandoning Robby should be about Johnny making it up to himself by focusing on his "do over" family instead of making it up to Robby. In turn, the story itself throughout all 5 seasons indicates, through Johnny himself most times, that Johnny still needs redemption for failing with Robby.

The interesting thing about the writers' comments that I've quoted above is how they write Johnny. They don't grow Johnny at all when it comes to Robby or Johnny's other character flaws. The trope usually is that the new people in the character's life sparks a change in the character that brings about his positive growth and eventual redemption. So, why would the writers have Johnny choose Miguel and later the baby over Robby since s1? Why would the writers give Johnny the baby if Johnny's relationship with Miguel were redemptive for Johnny? Why would the writers still be concerned about Johnny's redemption but not grow him at all in s5? Neither Miguel, Carmen, nor the baby plot device have resulted in any long-term positive growth for Johnny. In another interview, they said that Kreese was offered redemption in s5, and he didn't take it in the end. They haven't made a statement like that about Johnny choosing or not choosing redemption. Instead, Billy said that Johnny has a long way to go there. The writers also needed one and a half more seasons (an extra long final season) to tell whatever story they have left to tell, which is likely the redemption they have planned for Johnny. In s5, they kept Johnny unredeemed with no positive growth. He continued to neglect and abuse Robby. He continued to be an alcoholic with no real effort to stop. He continued to be a deadbeat, who is more indulgent in a karate war and committing crimes as part of it whenever he feels like it, instead of actually taking seriously that he has people depending on him. He didn't take that responsibility seriously before when only Shannon and Robby were dependent on him, and he doesn't take it seriously now when he will also have Carmen, Miguel, and the baby plot device depending on him. Shannon telling him that it's okay that they failed with Robby because she and Johnny were "young and dumb" doesn't change the fact that he failed then and is still failing now.

In s5e9, we're shown a very blatant contrast between Johnny's approach to redemption and Chozen's approach to it.

Johnny: "My whole life was haunted by one stupid kick. I thought if I could go back in time, do things different, dodge it, block it, my life would be fixed. The kick wasn't the problem. I had to stop focusing on what was behind. Start looking at what was in front of me." [indicates to Carmen] Chozen: "We are same. Both make mistakes. Both feel guilt for pain we caused. Now, you have, uh, friends. Family. Children. I always wanted same thing."

Chozen then mentions Kumiko to Johnny after he asks if there's someone back home that Chozen is interested in. Johnny mentions this to Daniel, so Daniel goes to Chozen.

Chozen: "When, uh, Kumiko and I were children, we would play in the ruins of King Shō Hashi Castle. I would hide, and she would always find me. After my disgrace in village... I tried to hide from everything. But Kumiko find me again. And her kindness brought me back." Daniel: "She's something special, all right." Chozen: "Hai." Daniel: "Does she know how you feel?" Chozen: "No. No! No. How I treated her, what I did to her... Unforgivable." Daniel: "You can't keep punishing yourself. You've done all you can to make up for what you did back then, and Kumiko knows that. Look, she's the reason you're here. She went after you. Maybe now it's your turn to go after her." Chozen: "Thank you, Daniel-san. You're welcome, my friend."

The contrast in these two outlooks and approaches is so important. Johnny simply walked away from his past, including his wrongs, and decided to move on. Hell, he even left Robby with Kreese, Johnny's own abuser and the real root of Johnny's trauma from the night of the stupid kick. Johnny has felt guilt for his mistakes, like Chozen said, but Johnny has never made up for them. Chozen's dialogue with Johnny distinctly left out making up for past mistakes, while Daniel's dialogue with Chozen included it. Chozen focused on Kumiko when he spoke about the past and how his actions had affected her. He said what he did was unforgivable. But Daniel told Chozen that he had done all he could to make up for what he did back then, and that Kumiko knows this. Now, whether you're okay with Chozen and Kumiko becoming a couple is another issue, but the point here is that Chozen has been making amends for over 30 years. Chozen has also sincerely expressed his remorse to Daniel for what he did to him in the past, while Johnny hasn't expressed his.

Making amends is something Johnny has yet to do. Johnny always speaks about his wrongs towards Robby as if it's too late and as if he can't fix it. He simply doesn't even really try to. When he gets even a little bit of rightful anger from Robby, he bolts. He runs from working for a real redemption. After all, redemption for Johnny wouldn't just be confronting his wrongs towards Robby but also confronting what happened with Kreese the night of the stupid kick and confronting the parts of himself that he loathes. Johnny is afraid to do so. Johnny told Robby while they were in Mexico:

"I'm out here trying to fix my mistakes so that I don't have to live with the regret of making them."

Johnny's guilt is all about himself, and he just wants to feel better about himself. Johnny doesn't consider how Robby feels or how his failures have affected Robby and keep affecting him. Johnny moving on is all about himself. In the end, after he committed a crime and almost got himself killed for no reason, Carmen told him that she thought she'd lost him. He responded:

"You can't get rid of me that easy. The thought of losing you and Miguel, Robby, our family, kicked me into a gear I didn't know I had. Couldn't stand the thought of missing the rest of our life together.

It's all about Johnny and what he would lose. He didn't care about how his loved one would be impacted by losing him.

Johnny's redemption with Robby is at the core of Johnny's character story. But, wrt the plot in general, Johnny also has to redeem himself for bringing Cobra Kai back. He let Pandora out of her box, and he himself hasn't actually done anything of meaning to put her back inside. In s2, Johnny had been trying to change Cobra Kai because his students had chosen to show no mercy to Robby in the s1 avt. Kreese however came crawling back and manipulated Johnny to let him back in. Kreese didn't like that Johnny was changing Cobra Kai and usurped the dojo from Johnny, using the events of the school fight against him. Johnny then, in true Johnny fashion, chose to walk away from Cobra Kai and Kreese. Johnny acted like none of this was his problem anymore. Johnny only got involved again in the dojo war at the end of s3 because the Cobras attacked Miguel. Johnny didn't care otherwise. Well, earlier in s3, Johnny did care that Kreese might try to come near Miguel and so threatened Kreese away from him while leaving Robby wide open for the taking, but Johnny did nothing otherwise to stop Kreese or Cobra Kai. Johnny only teamed up with Daniel to take down Kreese after he and the Cobras became a threat to Miguel. In s4, Johnny was more focused on keeping Miguel than on maintaining the alliance with Daniel or on getting Robby away from Kreese. Johnny trained Sam after she came to learn from him, but Johnny didn't do a good job of training all of his dojo students and pretty much focused on Miguel and Devon only. Johnny didn't try to make amends with Daniel first at the avt and still got upset with Daniel for talking to Miguel. Eventually, after Daniel apologized first, Johnny also apologized and then helped coach Sam during her match. However, in s5, after the loss at the s4 avt, Johnny once again washed his hands of the dojo war. He acted like Cobra Kai being back was no longer his fault. He only took part in helping take down Cobra Kai once again when he was prompted to, this time because Daniel had come to him for help and then Silver beat Daniel. Overall, just like Johnny doesn't actually make the active effort of making amends to Robby, Johnny also doesn't try to actively do more to stop Cobra Kai from spreading. Johnny drops the responsibility of making up for the problems he causes. Bringing back Cobra Kai is something Johnny has to make up for. In a way, Johnny made a vow to do that in s5: "You wanna know why I'm in this fight? So I can erase everything you did. And every mark you left. Every memory of you." Let's see how Johnny actually does in s6. Meaning, let's see how much active effort he puts into taking down Cobra Kai versus how much he lets Daniel and others try to fix his mistakes for him again.

I wrote this post because I came across an article about five common problems in redemption arcs and I wanted to judge Johnny's story so far in light of these problems.

Problem 1: The motive for redemption is weak - Johnny's motive for redemption is strong, so this problem isn't present in his story. After all, he himself can't stop talking about how he has failed Robby. Throughout the series, he has failed Robby even more. Also, Johnny is the one who brought back Cobra Kai and he needs redemption for this as well.

Problem 2: The character is entitled to forgiveness - This one is tricky. Johnny acts like he is entitled to forgiveness. Many of his fans also believe that he is because he gives speeches about how failing Robby makes him feel guilty and feel sorry for himself. However, whenever Robby doesn't give Johnny forgiveness instantly, Johnny gives up on him. In s4e10, Robby told Johnny that he is sick of blaming Johnny. Johnny smiled in a relieved way. (I guess, good job, Johnny, for giving your son so much trauma that he's now too tired to keep hating you. /s) In s5, Johnny didn't tolerate Robby talking about Johnny's wrongs against him. Johnny has no genuine humility towards Robby.

I don't think the narrative has been making the case that Johnny is entitled to forgiveness. The entitlement comes more from Johnny himself. We're shown contrasts to Johnny's behavior, like with Chozen's real redemption and with Robby trying to be better than Johnny and not end up like him. We're also shown the parallel of Silver and Kreese acting entitled to forgiveness/trust while not deserving it. Johnny said about Kreese in s2e9, "I thought he could change. Turns out I was wrong, so I pushed him away." Johnny doesn't realize what a hypocrite he himself is when it comes to Robby pushing him away.

Every season, including s5, Robby has called out at least one thing about Johnny's behavior with him or how it affects him (Robby's trauma narrative). However, after the apartment fight and baby news, Robby stopped speaking out about it. In s5e7, Robby burying the egg during the egg lesson is a metaphor for how Robby is burying his true feelings about Johnny and everything. Robby brushed off his own fatherly advice comment in the next episode. This isn't a coincidence and is another example of Robby having to hide how he feels so that Johnny doesn't abandon him and to make Johnny feel better about himself. Johnny immediately becomes defensive when Robby justifiably calls him out, and Johnny does things like abandoning and not visiting Robby in juvie for months or abandoning him at a random bus stop in a foreign country after lying to him to get him to go on the trip.

Johnny said that he's out there trying to fix his mistakes so that he doesn't have to live with regret of making them. lol Johnny himself doesn't make a good case for being entitled to forgiveness.

Problem 3: Something unrelated is addressed - So, this is where I think fan perception is playing a huge role. The "unrelated" thing that fans perceive as being the source of Johnny's redemption is Johnny relationships with the Diazs and prioritizing them over Robby. However, as I've described above, Johnny himself keeps mentioning his failures with Robby. Although Johnny consciously tries to use Miguel and the baby as "do overs" and uses the Diazs to move on from his failures, Johnny subconsciously can't get over those failures. That is, he himself doesn't believe that using "something unrelated" as his redemption is redemptive.

I believe Problem 3 exists for Johnny's story because of fan perception and not because of the story itself. The moment any fan starts pointing out the nuance in the story that proves that Johnny's, Miguel's, Carmen's, and Robby's behaviors and the blended family are dysfunctional, fans who want the "something unrelated" (Diazs) to be Johnny's redemption brush off the nuance and claim that there is no more nuance in the show, "it's not that deep". All these people wouldn't for a second forgive, trust, or be happy with Johnny if they themselves were Robby. I bet if someone did a poll asking "Who would you want to be in the blended family: Miguel or Robby?", all these people would say Miguel ... because no one, absolutely no one, would want to be Robby in this toxic family. Many act like Robby should be understanding towards Johnny as he mistreats Robby to prioritize Miguel and his family... because yeah, if someone wrongs you, they should run after random people at your expense to make up for it 💀 (/s).

Problem 4: The character is unforgivable - I personally think Johnny is irredeemable. I often find myself asking "Can I throw Johnny away now?" as I'm writing a post or comment about how Johnny treats Robby. However, from a narrative standpoint and based on interviews, I know that the writers are going for a redemption for Johnny. I just won't believe it myself, even if in s6 they do some or all of the subversions that they have been setting up in the story these past 5 seasons. I'm just so done with Johnny. I draw a hardline when it comes to parents behaving the way Johnny does with Robby. But, I also know that the writers are using the whole "generational trauma" thing to make Johnny seem sympathetic and redeemable/forgivable when it comes to Robby. I'm done with that, and I know some others who are done with that too.

Problem 5: Amends aren’t made - Ha! Of course Johnny has done absolutely nothing so far to make amends to the person he's hurt the most. In fact, Johnny is now in the negative since starting the series. In s5e4, Johnny asked Shannon for forgiveness: "It's what I should have done for him and you long ago. I quit too many jobs 'cause I didn't like 'em instead of considering what's best for all of us. I wasn't man enough to know it then, but I do now. I'm sorry I sucked, Shannon." But, Johnny still isn't man enough to say these things to and take accountability with Robby. In s6, Johnny has to be a real badass and start making amends with Robby directly. Though, I'm not sure how Johnny can do this. There seems to be no set up for Johnny actually redeeming himself to Robby other than the toxic blended family being put together like a flimsy, decrepit house of cards, that is Johnny's unearned rewards are written to fall apart. Johnny also has to play a vital role in taking down Cobra Kai for good. In s5e10, he was given the sidekick sensei fight, while Chozen and Daniel each had their fight with the Cobra Kai "Big Bad of the season" Silver. With his promise to erase Kreese's legacy and with Kreese's escape from jail, Johnny seems set up to have an important role in finally taking down Cobra Kai once and for all in s6. Also, the story is exploring generational trauma. The writers have always said that they're exploring how Johnny's relationship with Kreese affected Johnny's relationship with Robby. Part of Kreese's legacy is the generational trauma that Johnny has been passing down to Robby. Kreese's and Silver's interests in Robby since they each found out about him could possibly mean that Johnny making amends to Robby may eventually be tied to these storylines.

Because the story isn't over, it's not possible to judge the story completely at this point. I've only judged it based on what we have so far. However, given the fan perception of s1-s5, with most fans who believe that "something unrelated" has been addressed to redeem Johnny (Johnny's relationships with the Diazs at Robby's expense) to those fans who think Johnny has become irredeemable wrt Robby, Johnny's "redemption" story most likely isn't going to be lauded after it's over. It definitely won't compare to Zuko's redemption story from the original ATLA. Johnny's "redemption" story likely won't stand the test of time, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's soon forgotten after the hype of the show dies down.

(These are general thoughts and not directed at anyone I've interacted with in particular. Also, as always, please don't comment or reblog with dismissive comments about the nuance in the show. The nuance is part of the story, and the story is exploring important topics like trauma, bullying, dysfunctional relationships, and abuse.)

[unhappy-day-in-hell]

The Dissection of Hazbin Hotel, Episode One: part 1

Hazbin Hotel is finally coming out and I want to talk about it!

Seems unreal, doesn’t it!? After four years it’s here, and it’s one of the biggest train wrecks I've ever seen with my own two eyes!

Like many people, I used to be a fan. I got into Hazbin at the end of 2021, and stayed with it until mid-2023, when I woke up to the series’ flaws and saw how horrible Vivziepop was as a person. But for that time, Hazbin gave me something to look forward to during a dark time in my life. I was excited for it. I liked the idea it would be a complex, dark, and nuanced look into some dark topics. I was convinced Angel’s trauma would be handled with care, because Addict handled it with care. I was convinced Hazbin would be a show that said “no one is beyond becoming a better person if they just make the decision to try, no matter how much bad they’ve done.” Being set in Hell, where the UNIVERSE ITSELF has given up on the souls damned there (the furthest extreme you can possibly get to), was a good way to exaggerate this conflict.  

Spoilers: It wasn’t that! Apparently it was never meant to be that in the first place!

Vivziepop threw out the original premise that everyone loved in favor of a Heaven war! She ripped off the “Rose Quartz = Pink Diamond” reveal with Rosie-Lilith-Eve. By extension, they de-clawed Alastor by making him Rosie’s pawn. (I loved Alastor. I wanted to see more of his deranged self; I wanted to see what he would do when he was proven wrong when redemption was possible.)

When I watched Episode One, I started writing my thoughts down. Then I tripped and wrote 13,000 words.

So I’m gonna post them here as a review! It’s long, so I’m going to break it into four parts.

I can be very forgiving of flawed projects, but in regards to Hazbin, I’m petty. No nitpick is too small. I will compare it to the pilot (because it’s in that Viv-canon-limbo where you need to have seen it but she pretends it’s not canon), and I’ll have tangents and rewrite ideas.

The story-crafting for this show is one of the more important elements to me, so I give a lot of attention to that.

And there will be SPOILERS, including all leaks! So just be careful if you don’t want spoilers or leaks! 

Let’s go!

Part 1: //

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

--Hazbin Hotel opens with a huge exposition dump about the supposed creation of Hell.

And IMMEDIATELY, we’ve run into a problem.

Sometimes, stories will open with lore dumps like this. They can be useful in giving the audience important knowledge, or setting the stage for the world. However, this lore dump provides us with neither of those things.

Even for people who aren’t religious (me), the story of Eden is really well known (even just the pop culture version of it.)  That means you don’t need to tell us the creation story at this moment-- What we NEED right now is to understand what this version of Hell is like.

What info do we need in order to understand the setting of Hell that Charlie lives in?

Important stuff like this: Hell functions like a big city with laws, and isn’t like the pop-culture fire and brimstone image we might have; dead sinners manifest with new bodies and are exclusively in the Pride Ring, which makes them the property of Lucifer, and they’re immortal unless killed by angels; angels come down once a year to erase them to keep them from becoming too numerous. Emphasize that it’s like a shitty country, with shitty jobs and leaders, Lucifer at the tippy-top. Emphasize the Sinners’ fear of the annual exterminations -- emphasize that Charlie feels helpless but wants to save them.

Your job as a storyteller is to tell us what we need to know, when we need to know it.

Right now, we don’t need to know why Hell was created – we need to know how Hell WORKS in the present. That’s your goal, to bring us into the world.

The only necessary information this narration gives us is that “exterminations exist." Everything else about the deeper lore can be shown to us later, after we’ve had some time to get to know the world.

(Have this be a fairytale Charlie tells during an emotional, quiet moment; or in a flashback, Lilith tells this to a baby Charlie. Or it can be a musical number Lilith or Lucifer sings for her, trying to make themselves look better than they actually were.)

--“Angels are beings made of pure light who worshipped good and shielded all from evil.” WE’RE FIVE SECONDS INTO THIS AND ALREADY WE HAVE A HUGE THING TO UNPACK. Buckle up.

So Hazbin's lore goes like this: the Angels already exist, and they worship a vague figure of “Good” (who isn’t God), and defend people from “Evil” (who isn’t the devil, because Lucifer hasn’t rebelled yet.) Since Lucifer hasn’t rebelled yet, evil really shouldn’t exist yet. Where is this evil coming from?

(I have a bad feeling it’s Roo -- the Root of Evil, that character Viv drew years ago and said is a looming presence in the distance. Is Roo some kind of “eldritch abomination”, who existed before the angels? Sadly, I think that’s very likely, at this point.)

Either way: Good and Evil are forces that already existed at the start of creation, before Adam and Eve and everything else, and Lucifer and the Fallen Angels had nothing to do with it. Which just doesn’t mesh, if you’re going to have a Christian base for the lore.

Also: It says the angels defend people from Evil. But who are the angels defending? They explicitly show that humanity hasn’t been created at this point, because we see the birth of Adam in a few moments; so who the heck needed defending during this period of time!?

…

Alright, to get this out of the way: Hazbin Hotel won’t use God as a character, apparently because they don’t want to offend anyone, or so I heard. It’s something to debate; was this a good idea on their part, or is it cowardice? For me, I personally feel like it’s the latter. The show has already taken many other incredibly sacred figures and stories, and jumbled them up and tweaked them for the show’s awful lore -- and Viv has never cared about offending anyone before so why would she care now -- which is why it feels spineless to me, for them to NOT go all the way and just use the Capital G himself. Plenty of other stories have used the Christian God as a character just fine.

If they’re worried about doing it tactfully, the solution is to just… NOT write God as an asshole? Maybe try for some genuine sincerity in the writing for once? Make him the single character in the cast who is never played for a joke, and whose personality has no stupid quirks. Have him be very distant, maybe even locked in Heaven’s Palace, that way you don’t have to show him more than a handful of times, but the audience will know he exists; and use his limited screentime to make him display wisdom and warmth.

Maybe he acts like a distant observer of the Universe, and he clearly knows something we don’t; he tut-tuts at the bad things, but “This, You See, is how it Must Be. And by the end of the show he’s right because everything works out for the good. Or... something.

My point is, they already used all this other sacred stuff from the bible, they might as well go all the way. (Viv certainly didn’t have a problem using Lilith or vodou symbols, did she?)

--Lucifer was a dreamer who was deemed dangerous to the order of Heaven. Then he fell in love with Lilith for her fierce independence and they wanted to share free will with humanity.

This story. This rewriting of the usual biblical tale to make Lucifer sympathetic.

It just doesn’t work.

It also ties back to their refusal to use God as a character. The character of God was an INTEGRAL piece of this mythological story, and God and Lucifer were inseparably intertwined figures in it. Lucifer’s entire rebellion and “Pride” sin was against God. You could say... Lucifer has major fucking "Daddy Issues." (That's a phrase Alastor will say later!) To take away his Daddy Issues is just so lame.

Even worse, this story is trying to paint Lucifer as a misunderstood artist who cared about creation. (He's so different from the actual mythological figure, it makes you wonder what the point of even using these figures as characters is.)

…There are two possibilities.

Possibility One: I wonder if this is a “sanitized” version of the story that Lucifer tells Charlie to make himself look better. (This feels very much like one of those “history lessons” that a fantasy world will introduce to the characters early on, only for that history lesson to be shown as a lie later on.) But if that’s the case, it’s WEIRD for Hazbin Hotel to do that with the story of the Garden of Eden?? Everyone/most everyone in the audience will already know the gist of how the Eden story goes, so they'll know this retelling isn’t right -- so what, are we expected to wait for Charlie to gormlessly stumble into the truth, ~as a twist~ that GASP D:> her father INTENTIONALLY fucked humanity over!?!?!? HE DID IT ON PURPOSE AND ALL THE SUFFERING OF HELL WAS HIS GOAL!?!?!? DAD HOW COULD YOU. That’ll be a shitty twist. The audience already knows this, so it’ll just be pounding our heads into the wall waiting for Charlie to get there.

(And also, it’s very suspicious they don’t actually SAY what Lucifer’s “ideas and dreams” were for creation. So that could be a lie by omission that he uses for his fairytale. In reality, he might have had awful, shitty, malicious ideas, which Heaven stopped him from doing, and Lucifer’s been a big baby about it ever since.)

Possibility two: This is legitimately the retelling of the Eden story in the Hazbin Universe. Which just suuuuuuucks! If Lucifer was a kind, caring individual, why would he let his Hell Kingdom become a total SHITHOLE of suffering? Wouldn’t he be a kind ruler? Wouldn’t he try to run the ship better?

And it’s a horrible decision to woobify him in general. You’re seriously going to de-claw THE DEVIL? You’re gonna rip out his teeth and make him soggy!? You’re gonna make the King Of Evil, The Father of All Lies, LUCIFER, EMBODIMENT OF PRIDE, a wet meow-meow sadboy who did nothing wrong?? COME ON!! What makes Lucifer an interesting character IS THAT HE MADE THE CHOICE to fuck everything up on purpose! He’s interesting BECAUSE of how he, to this day, wants to ruin the Earth to stick it to God! You can’t just take that away from him!

It’s incredible that these two possibilities are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but both are unsalvageable. There is NO winning with this backstory. They fucked up.

--Ah wait there it is. The apple is the same color as the Vague Evil’s eye from above.

Yep….

Man, making Eve the twist villain of the story (before or after Roo shows up? Is Roo inside of Eve controlling her? It doesn’t matter). You couldn’t write a worst twist.

I ask you: Why is it Eve, and not Adam who is the secret twist villain? Or, why isn’t it Adam+Eve TOGETHER who are the twist villains?

If this were the only instance of female characters being demonized, I wouldn’t think anything of it -- but there is a clear pattern across all of Viv’s writing. Viv is a known misogynist, and this feels like an extension of her misogyny. Of course the twist villain is female. Of course Roo The Secret Eldritch Abomination is female. The male characters get sympathy, or stuff handed to them. Lucifer is a good lad who did nothing wrong! Alastor isn’t evil, he was hired to protect the Hotel and is a father figure to Charlie! ADAM got to go to Heaven and Eve didn’t!

I have absolutely no doubt that the blame will be put on Eve, and Adam will be given a pass because Eve tricked him to eat the fruit of knowledge, or something.

--Yep, this thing is animated like a Root. It’s totally Roo.

--Eyes… just like Roo’s root tongue. Yep.

--Heaven only allowed Lucifer to see the bad of humanity, never the good.

They really ARE trying to woobify him, aren’t they? At this point, the only way they could salvage any of this is by making this a sanitized bedtime story (which again wouldn’t work in itself.)

This is the fucking DEVIL we’re talking about.

He is the King of Hell, and therefore, he is the ruler of the Princes of Sin, the Ars Goetia, and the legions of Hell that are trying to corrupt the Earth! We see in Helluva Boss that demons do actually go to make Earth worse. If Lucifer is King and didn’t want this to happen, he has the power to stop at.

Plus: there are portals to go to Earth, and magic to watch the Earth as seen on Helluva Boss. So Lucifer has every means to look at the Earth any way he wants, and could see the good the Earth has to offer…… and it's because he’s the one bringing evil to the Earth in the first place in order to destroy good (technically to fight against God, but God ain't here, so "Good" it is.) That’s still Hell’s MO in this world. We’ve seen this on Helluva Boss, which is canon to this universe. And you cannot convince me that the King of Hell was “oblivious to it” or "the other royal demons have their own power and Lucy can't stop them" or some excuse like that, as if the Princes of Sin and the Ars Goetia are doing it secretly under Lucifer’s nose and Lucifer doesn’t know it’s going on. You cannot convince me of this.

Plus even then -- if Lucifer were still a sadboy who WANTS to see the good of the Earth (even if all he sees is the bad), that means… in theory, he has a “good heart”. So why isn’t he a kinder King?

Because this is either a fake fairytale or Viv is a bad writer who doesn’t think anything through. (It’s both.)

--Lucifer lost his spark, huh? What does that actually mean? Does it mean his title as King is only symbolic and he doesn’t do any ruling? (This can’t be right – we see later in the episode Lucifer still has some authority over various things, like meeting with Adam but foisting that responsibility on Charlie.) Does losing his spark just mean he gave up trying to be good, and now just revels in evil?

And, as the embodiment of Pride, shouldn’t Lucifer of all people be the most stubborn, unshakable person in existence? Instead of losing his SPARK, he should just grow jaded and bitter but still have that fire to prove he's better than everyone. He’s the King of Hell for a reason.

(And if Lilith thrives, why isn’t she the ruling Queen of Hell?)

--So Lilith uses her powers to Empower Demons…

This wording is VERY suspicious, and once again, feels like a sanitized bedtime story for Charlie.

What does empowering demons actually MEAN? Huh? It sounds very good in this fairytale, but look at the evidence presented to us. We see what Hell is like (...eventually.) It’s a shithole where everyone is suffering and constantly beating and killing each other. For all we know, her “empowering demons” actually means she encourages everyone’s worst behavior, gives sinners powers and weapons that they can use against each other, and is the reason why Hell is so awful.

…Oh god, if LILITH is the cause of Hell being bad, and Lucifer is a Good Boy who sits back and doesn’t do anything, then it’s another female character being written to fuck everything up!

(We don’t know when Eve takes Lilith’s spot, but I don’t think it’s quite at this point in history. So Eve doesn’t get the blame here just yet. Hopefully?)  

--Overpopulation was always a bad motivation for Hazbin Hotel. I thought that even when I was a fan. Because: if Hell is a finite space where you can run out of room… then so is Heaven? If you start redeeming sinners for the sake of giving Hell more room… theeeeeen eventually HEAVEN is going to get overpopulated and run out of room. What then?

Hell also has other Rings the sinners are not allowed to go to. Are we going to mention the other Rings’ existence at any point? Will the idea of opening the other Rings up to sinners even be presented as an option at any point?

How much of Hazbin’s lore is going to be locked in Helluva Boss, unable to be shown in the series proper? Will the Princes of Sins, the Hellborn demons, the Ars Goetia ever make an appearance, or are they not allowed to? Will Charlie ever have to deal with the fact there is an entire slave caste in Hell, the Hellhounds? Is she going to free the Hellhounds? Imps are also oppressed, will the show ever explicitly TALK about that? Will the worldbuilding show us how imps, hellhounds, and Sinners intermingle in Pentagram City?

CAN HELLBORN DEMONS BE REDEEMED AND GO TO HEAVEN?

So many questions. And knowing Viv’s style, I highly doubt we’ll ever get any answers.

--So Charlie inherited her mother’s dream. But they completely neglected to mention what Lilith’s dream actually was. Do they mean she wants Charlie to “empowering sinners,” in general? Or did Lilith, specifically, want the exterminations to end?

They use such vague words, when this is one moment they should just give us a clear answer. This whole backstory was a mistake and a waste of time, but if you are going to use it to set up Charlie inheriting something from Lilith, you have to make it clear what she’s inheriting.

And also, while it’s not ENTIRELY a Chosen One scenario, in the pilot we got the sense that Charlie was the one who made the choice to try and help sinners, on her own. Now though, Charlie was GIVEN this dream by someone else, because she can’t have agency. It would be one thing if Lilith just taught Charlie to feel compassion (that would be fine, parents teach their kids morals all the time), but Charlie still came to the redemption conclusion on her own – it’s another for her to be said to have “inherited this from Lilith” or is carrying on Lilith’s legacy.

.................

With the opening monologue over, the only thing we know is that the lore is very messy. It has a Christian basis, but it's been fucked up so badly that it makes you wonder what the point even is.

Good and Evil are living eldritch forces that existed before creation and have nothing to do with God, Lucifer, or anything else like that.

There is no God, (who is the ENTIRE CENTRAL POINT for the biblical-inspired stuff in Hazbin); instead a whole Council of Elder Angels rules the universe.

Roo has no basis in anything.

I think in some tellings, Lucifer was the first Angel? Even if not, he was one of the highest. So Lucifer should be one of the ruling angels. They have to severely weaken him as a figure in order to make him under the control of the other angels. (After all, in Christian mythology, it's God who made Lucifer fall. Another way his absence fucks the story.)

And my final takeaway from combing over this lore is: why didn't Viv just make her own fantasy world? Everything in this show is only passingly similar to the stuff it's based on. If you're gonna take these aspects from religions and fuck with them so much, just make your own fantasy world where you can do whatever you want.

That was only the opening monologue. This is gonna be a long ride guys!

[my-mt-heart]

NYCC 23 Thoughts

I know Caryl fans are more than ready to celebrate. I am too for what it's worth. Believe me, I'm so ready, but I also have concerns that some may not want or need to hear right now. And I get it. Fandom is supposed to provide a space for us to enjoy our favorite shows and characters without real life obstacles bleeding into it. My blog has really pushed those boundaries over the past year and half, so if that's not what you're looking for, feel free to scroll on by or block. If for some reason my rants are of any use to you, however, then here goes another one. Ahem.

Four middle-aged white men walk onto a stage...

…And proceed to make complete asses of themselves.

This is my biggest gripe with TWDU right now. It perpetuates the same tired, limited perspective of the upper class, middle-aged white man in not one, but all of the new spinoffs. TOWL is supposed to be about Rick and Michonne, but it's no secret Gimple favors Rick. Dead City is supposed to be about Negan and Maggie, but the showrunner only goes on and on and on about Negan/JDM in his interviews. S2 of le spinoff is supposed to be about Daryl and Carol, but...well, I'll get to that. My point is, representation offscreen matters because it affects what we see onscreen and which viewers will be drawn to watch. Personally, I didn’t feel drawn to anything during that panel, not because Melissa finally being announced isn’t exciting, but because the people speaking on her behalf always find ways to ruin the moment.

If Gimple wasn't going to talk about his show, I don't understand why he needed to be there. If it was a tradeoff, I would've rather seen Melissa up there and hear what she had to say about her own return and her own character in her own voice. If that still wasn't possible, I fully respect that, but there has to be some other way to deliver news besides constantly relying on male EPs who don't understand what her fans value about her. I worry this is how it's going to feel when I'm watching S2. I want Carol, but not a misrepresentation of her. Greg Nicotero is directing the premiere. Okay...and what about the other two blocks? Any women/POC directors? Anyone who's going to honor Carol the way she deserves instead of treating her like an extension of Daryl's story?

So, yeah. About that title. First of all, “The Book of Carol” is an odd choice in itself. The biblical allusions are annoying because they don't speak to who Carol is as a character. I’m not mad that it implies we’re getting Carol’s POV—quite the opposite—but I don’t like the confusion it’s causing either. Let’s be clear, Carol is not a short chapter in Daryl's story. She is Daryl’s story. Calling Melissa a "series regular" is extremely poor wording, and a sincere fuck you to whoever approved it for the announcement. She is a lead with EP credit and creative input. I am so sick of AMC leaving it up to the fans to debate her worth. Tell us she’s vital to the show, tell us it’s her show, and use clear language. Stop giving her haters more ammo they don't need and stop giving her fans more anxiety they really don't need.

Honestly, it would’ve been easier to accept if S2 was formally called TWD: Book of Carol. The problem is "The Book of Carol" is not the title. It's a subtitle of a (sub)title, and it's bullshit. It feels like a scam, another way to try to convince us we're getting what we want when we're not really getting much of anything. I don’t know if they're worried about false advertising since S2 won't be a Daryl and Carol story—more like a Carol story which, again, I’m not mad about as long as it leads to a reunion and canon by the end. Or maybe they’re stubbornly clinging to the belief that Daryl’s name is what sells despite the atrocious ratings suggesting otherwise. Daryl AND Carol do sell though, so why not lean all the way into it? Why risk turning the show into a laughing stock with obnoxious titles? These characters don’t deserve that.

Another thing that worries me is how it'll be promoted. As "The Book of Carol" or Daryl Dixon S2? Is it going to vary based on who AMC is trying to placate? Is "The Book of Carol" going to be smaller than Daryl Dixon on all the key art? Including Carol in the title was supposed to show that Daryl and Carol are equals. That way, Norman and Melissa would also be treated as equals by viewers and by co-workers. This doesn't look very equal to me...

Why —why 😩— do they need to keep rehashing the filming location's origin story, and by rehashing, I mean lying about it and dragging Melissa and her fans through the mud when all we want to do is move the fuck on? I don't like that Gimple (savagely) threw Norman under the bus, and I don't like that Norman, whatever his intentions were, threw Melissa under the bus. Again, this is why we need to hear Melissa's thoughts on the show, specifically what Carol's (and Caryl's) journey will entail not just plot-wise, but emotionally. It's not fair to put all that responsibility on her to make everybody else look good, and I hope it won't come to that, but the people on that panel yesterday really weren't doing themselves or the show any favors. I was pretty unsettled by the number of times I heard the phrases "I wanted this" or "we wanted that." Has anyone ever taken the time to understand what their audience wants? Or has the show really just been a vanity project all along?

I was wary about Zabel pretty much from the start, but finally getting to hear him talk about Daryl cemented how poorly he understands who he is and more importantly what he means to fans. A man being torn between his former way of life and his new one is nothing groundbreaking. It's actually a pretty standard formula that can fit a lot of conventional heroes, but it does not work for Daryl Dixon. Daryl Dixon is not a conventional hero. Daryl Dixon is the most loyal character in TWD history, and it's been well established his loyalty is to his found family of over a decade--Rick, Michonne, Maggie, and especially Carol. We will never buy that Daryl could be torn between them and people he's only known for weeks/months. Someone who tries to force that should not be showrunning. Period. I am terrified to learn more about how Zabel views Carol because so far, it sounds like he doesn't think much of her at all. If he did, maybe he would've written something more substantial for her in the finale.

We'll see what happens on Sunday. Hopefully they'll release the S2 teaser. Hopefully it’ll provide more reassurance. Hopefully something will. At the moment it just doesn't seem like AMC is capitalizing on Melissa's return as much as they could, and they're definitely not capitalizing on Caryl yet. That being said, and I can’t stress this enough, I do trust Melissa’s judgment. If she chose to come back—and she did—it’s for good reason. The wait is going to be difficult, but next year we’ll have six full episodes of Carol trying to find her soulmate. Nobody is taking that away from us no matter how many times the men put their foot in their mouths.

[jimblejamblewritings]

Your Moniker Should Be Cruel | part 2.

Summary: How do you win a war between the Greens and the Blacks? Take what you want.

Warnings: 18+ THIS IS A DARK FIC. (Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, for those who use this term) Non-con and violence and death. Do not read if that makes you uncomfortable (and do not hate on my readers that enjoy this escapism)

Pairing: dark!Aegon x reader, technically Cregan x reader (his romance doesn't really get focused on for any of the story)

Word Count: 2.8k

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You were dropped on the ground when Aemond reached the dragon pits of King’s Landing. Despite your attempts to take off your waist strap and legs straps, he was there in a matter of seconds. You cursed. If it wasn’t raining then you wouldn’t have used all of the safety measures. You didn't even like wearing leg straps. Aemond tied your arms behind your back and blindfolded you before he undid your saddle straps. You kicked as hard as you could, freezing when you felt something cold on your neck. 

“I’ll kill you like I killed your brother if you don’t quit moving.” 

You stopped, letting Aemond escort you. He took the secret route in the dragon pits that led back to King’s Landing. He left you in the Godswood, tied to the large weirwood tree. You shook like a leaf as you tried to undo your ties. There was nowhere to go but if you were able to run or at least hide then you could think properly. The voices stopped you just as you figured out how to undo the knot. A shrill voice made a noise between a gasp and a scream. 

“What have you done?” 

Aemond looked at his mother confused. “I’ve solved our problems. This is better than any promises from Lord Baratheon. Lucerys is dead and we have her.” 

Otto looked at his grandson. “You’ve killed Lucerys?"

"I didn't intend to. Vhagar mistook my commands. I simply adapted."

"So you took Y/N? The princess’ terms hadn’t come in. We don’t know what she might have done.” 

“They were at Storm’s End.” 

“That doesn’t matter!” Otto lost his composure. “That is what one does with the threat of war. She didn’t know if we would invade just as we didn’t know about her. You have thrown that away. Even if she was willing to give up the crown, it would have been for her children. Do you know what she will do now? She will start a war! We ar— Aegon, what are you doing?” 

You shook when you felt a hand grab your cheeks. Warm breath could be felt as it fanned over your face. You felt fingers digging into your flesh, not enough to hurt but enough to make you squirm with discomfort.  

“Call the Septon,” Aegon said, turning to look at his family. 

“What?” Otto and Alicent were confused, too busy trying to think of ways to stop a war that was certainly happening now. 

“Call the Septon,” Aegon repeated himself. “I am taking a second wife. A prisoner isn’t enough, they’ll just come to rescue her. Killing her will cause a people’s rebellion. The bitch used to give bread to poor people when her family still lived here. No, Y/N Velaryon is going to give me an heir. There is nothing they can do about that without causing harm to her.” 

“You have children with Helaena.” 

“And our son will marry the daughter I have with Y/N. They’ll rule together like my father always wanted from his children.” 

You were left alone again. Or so you thought. Aegon was looking at you, enjoying the struggle as you tried to undo your ties. He waited until you were almost out before grabbing your hands. You screamed There was no use trying to escape anymore, not in your current state. 

Aegon tested you. He removed the tie around the weirwood tree before everyone else got back to see what you would do. A devilish smile crossed his face when you didn’t run. You simply stood there, trying to get a sense of your surroundings. The wedding was done right then and there. You weren’t changed. Your ties weren’t removed. You were still blindfolded as you said your vows. Vows you didn’t say so much as muttered under the stress of Aemond’s sword lightly pressing into your back. 

Otto and Alicent watched with lots of concern as you were pulled along by Aegon as he headed towards his chamber. Alicent pulled away when you jumped at her touch. She could do nothing but watch you leave the Godswood. 

Otto squeezed his hands out of stress. “We could send her back in good faith?” 

“Aemond has killed Lucerys.” 

“But she is still alive. They will want her back.” 

“Is Aegon to give up the throne? Do you think Rhaenyra will accept a surrender? She will kill Aegon a—” 

“Your son killed hers first! And he’s kidnapped the only daughter she has birthed. Your other son has taken light of her pledge to Lord Stark, wed her, and is about to ruin her. There is nothing to do now. We surrender and pray they are merciful enough to not take our heads. Understand when you have lost because of your own actions.” 

Alicent shook her head. “What mother sacrifices her children? I am sorry about Y/N, I truly am. But I will not kill my own children. Aegon has made this decision. We must support him until the end of war.” 

~~

Daemon had been on the beach in the morning. Lord Baratheon was more than likely to host the prince and princess for many days but Cregan probably wouldn’t care much for Jace without you there. Even if Jace and Cregan were friends. But Daemon wasn’t just waiting on Jace. He was waiting on word from his Goldcloaks about who was still loyal and would ride to Dragonstone. 

The King Consort waved as Vermax landed on the beach. His hand dropped when two ravens almost flew into him. Jace undid his leg straps rather lazily. Unlike you and Lucerys, he and Rhaena preferred leg straps over waist straps. He looked over at his stepfather who was picking something off the legs of the ravens. 

“Daemon, what is it?” 

The two papers dropped from Daemon’s grip, landing in the sand. Jace slid down his dragon and ran when his stepfather trudged towards the ocean and dropped into the water. He stopped to pick up the papers first. 

“We have to tell Mother, we ha—” 

Jace stopped when Daemon didn’t move. The older man looked out at the ocean. Daemon’s face turned hard. He returned his sword to its sheath and stood up. He and Jace returned to the meeting hall where everyone was gathered to discuss more plans. Jace went to Baela, Rhaena, Joffrey, and the twins while Daemon went to Rhaenyra. He pulled her towards the fire and away from the table. Rhaenyra’s scream gained everyone’s attention. Daemon put a hand on her shoulder. 

“We will get her back. But we must plan.” 

Rhaenyra nodded. “I want you to get Cregan Stark.” 

Daemon was gone without another word. 

~~

You were pushed into a room. Aegon didn’t stop pushing until you were face first on the bed. You didn’t bother kicking or hitting as he untied you, already fearful of another knife to your back. Instead, you begged. Still blindfolded, you choked out sobs and whispered your pleas as you felt the bottom of your skirt get pushed up. Aegon leaned over you. 

“Keep begging. I enjoy it.” 

He was cold, not even trying to help you like it. It was all for his pleasure and giving him an heir. You had to listen to him take pride in how your mother and father would feel when they received the news. He took pride in the notion that you and Cregan were over by his own hands. You felt yourself get turned over.

For the first time that night, he kissed you. It wasn’t sweet or of passion. It was of conquest, another thing he bragged about. Living up to his ancestor’s moniker — Aegon the Conqueror. He tilted your head up as he removed the blindfold. Fingers grabbing the front of your dress, he tore it. 

“I think I’ll keep a bit of this to remind me of our night. I will see you in the morning when the family eats, dear wife.” He grabbed at your body one more time. “I will see you tomorrow night as well. We will make beautiful heirs. The maids will come by in the morning with clothes for you. Don’t think you will do anything without my permission.” 

He left. You laid motionless in your bed, only staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Eventually, you were able to sit yourself up. Your chamber was practically empty. There wasn’t even a jug of water. You coughed as you got out of the bed.

Carefully, like you were afraid of making any moves, you opened the door to see Kingsguards. They both turned, immediately looking above you when they saw how torn your dress was. You tried to cover up your chest as best as you could with the torn fabric and your hands. You looked at both of them, recognizing Ser Criston. 

“Can I get some water? And maybe something to eat, please?” 

Ser Criston walked away while the other Kingsguard stayed by the door. You stood awkwardly in your own chamber when he came back. He set down a jug of water with a cup as well as a small plate of whatever he could scrounge up from the kitchens. He set down something else. 

“One of the maids had a spare sleeping gown.” 

He left shortly after, not looking at you as he did. You made your way over to the small table, deciding to change into the sleeping gown first. The water felt cool as it hit your lips. You didn’t bother with the cup. The jug was only set back on the table when it was empty.

Your stomach rumbled as the reality of your situation hit you fully. You vomited all over the floor. You didn’t want the food anymore, choosing to just sit on your bed. It was early morning when the maids came in. The first maid stopped in the doorframe. 

“Oh my.”

The others nearly ran into her. They all focused on the vomit in between the bed and the table. Some of them moved to clean it up while others started a bath. They whispered under their breath to each other. You looked like you hadn’t slept at all. The food hadn’t been touched but the jug of water was drained.

Aegon’s behavior wasn’t a secret amongst the maids. They had lost so many girls who were given money by the Crown to get as far away from the Keep as they could. But they never thought he would do it to his own wife. You were basically a doll as they moved you from your bed to the tub. They washed you as gently as they could. Everyone froze when you pulled your leg away as a maid got closer to it. 

They decided you were done and helped you out of the tub. You were dressed with clothes that had belonged to Helaena. The maids escorted you along with the Kingsguard to the dining hall. It was just Otto, Alicent, Aegon, Helaena, and Aemond. Alicent dropped her head in her hands when you sat down. You looked like a wreck. The only thing nice was your hair and the dress the maids were responsible for. 

The dark circles under your eyes were large. Your lip looked split. And some sort of bruise was forming around your neck. You just stared into the distance. She tried to pile food on your plate, pushing it towards you. You didn’t make any movement. The family ate and talked around you.

Your eyes glanced down when you felt something touch your thigh. A white hand scrunched up the fabric of your dress until the skirt was completely bunched around your waist. You looked over at Aegon who looked at you with dark eyes. Otto turned his head when he heard a squeak come from you. He saw his grandson’s arm moving rather vigorously. 

“Aegon.” 

“What? I came to the realization that I never gave my wife pleasure last night. If you don’t enjoy entertainment with your meal then you may leave, grandsire.” He looked back at you in disgust. “Did you just piss yourself?” 

He pulled his hand from you and pushed your upper body onto the table, forcing you to stand. 

“Aegon, stop this at once!” Otto threw down his spoon.  

“Why? She is my wife.” 

Everyone but Aemond and the required Kingsguard left as Aegon began flipping up your skirts. The Kingsguard averted their eyes, flinching at every sound that came from you. Aegon pressed you into the table more and more with each thrust. He and his brother made crude remarks. Eventually, Aemond grew bored and left after pouring the rest of his unfinished wine onto your head. 

Alicent paced outside the dining hall, stopping every now and then to listen at the door. She ran in when Aegon and his Kingsguard had left. The thin cotton that made your underwear was in pieces at your ankles. Your skirts were still flipped up. Alicent rushed over to you. You freaked out when you felt someone touch you. Alicent tried to shush you as she pulled down your dress and sat you down in a chair. She kneeled down in front of you, grabbing your hands. 

“I apologize deeply for his behavior.” 

“I want to go home,” you said in a voice barely above a whisper. 

“This is your home now. I will speak with Aegon about letting you out of the chamber.” She beckoned over Ser Criston. “I’d like you to take care of her as best as you can.” 

Alicent went to go find her son. Criston offered a hand that you shakily took. You thought he was gone for the day when you were returned to your chamber. Instead, he was back with water and food since you still hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. He approached you with another sleeping gown and a cup. 

“Mara made the tea for herself. She requested that I give it to you, Your Grace.” 

“Princess.” 

“Hmm?” 

“I don’t want to be Your Grace.”

“Yes. Apologies, Princess. Please take the tea. Either Mara or I will be by in the mornings with more for you.” 

You recognized the scent of moon tea in the cup. Aegon had forbidden you from everywhere, especially the kitchens. You suspected it was for this very reason. You downed the cup before taking the jug on your nightstand and poured water into the cup.

After three rounds of water, you thought all traces of moon tea were out of the cup. Your eyes closed as you turned away from the food in favor of sleep. There was nothing to do but fearfully wait for Aegon to come at night. 

You were allowed out of your chamber after a while. The Godswood, the kitchen, and the library were the only places you could go. Kingsguard still escorted you everywhere. At first, Aegon only wanted you to have library access. Otto and Alicent convinced him otherwise when you still didn’t eat. You only ate stuff that you prepared and you only ate in the kitchens.

The cooks set a stool at the end of the large counter because that was where you stayed. You always got pitiful looks from them as they tried to add more food onto your plate whenever you came in with split lips or others matters. They looked at you with pity when Aegon came in. He set your bread down and yanked you off the stool. 

“You can eat later.” 

You were confused when you were led through the Godswood by a fully armored Aegon. He sat you on the back of his dragon and tied the leg straps before getting on himself. As his dragon flew on, you started to hear shouting. Pretty soon you came upon a battlefield. It wasn’t really. No one was fighting, not yet. But there were troops for miles. And there were dragons.

Your parents looked over you as best as they could. Your brother’s face couldn’t conceal his anger, neither could his dragon. You looked at them all. Jace, Daemon, Rhaenyra, Baela, Rhaena, and Rhaenys. Every dragon-rider was there. Your grandmother was closest to you.

If you jumped, she might be able to catch you before you hit the ground. Aegon grabbed you just as you undid the second strap. He pressed his knife to your throat. 

“I will kill her if you ever try to come for her or the crown. Do you understand?” 

Aegon could tell they were calculating. He didn’t wait, choosing to prove his point. You cried out when he stabbed your right shoulder. Rhaenyra sneered but didn’t move for fear of hurting you more. Aegon began flying back without any more opposition.

Your family knew they had to go back to Dragonstone but they weren’t giving up. Unbeknownst to him, Aegon reignited the life in you. You hadn’t seen your family in months and it almost broke you. Now, you wanted to reunite more than anything. You landed in King’s Landing without a fight.

The Grand Maester cared for your wound while Alicent and Otto berated Aegon for what he had done. You couldn’t really hear what they were saying. You were too busy plotting how you were going to kill every last one of them.

(part 3)

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[slamdunkhcs]

the solitude of ryota miyagi

While I consider Slam Dunk a perfect series, with amazing characterization, I believe that the weakest aspect of the story is the lack of backstories. While a backstory is not needed for every character, it would have added much more to the main characters and their development. The main team members of the series are already very well developed and they had plenty of development (especially throughout the Sannoh match). However, Ryota Miyagi, Shohoku’s point guard, seemed like a static character in comparison to his other teammates.

While he isn’t a badly written character by any means, we didn’t see much of his story throughout the manga. His main thing was being the short boy who had a crush on Ayako.

During his introduction arc, Miyagi was overshadowed by Mitsui, who had his whole backstory revealed in that arc. In comparison, all we knew about Miyagi was that he was a problem child who liked Ayako, and became friends with Sakuragi.

Throughout the rest of the series, we don’t truly see much of Ryota’s struggles, aside from his height leaving him at a disadvantage. This issue is shown throughout the Sannoh match. The readers are shown how Ryota is concerned about if he can even match up to Fukatsu, but we aren’t shown much of Ryota’s inner thoughts compared to Akagi’s thoughts of comparison.

More of Ryota’s story is revealed in a spin-off chapter that was released after Slam Dunk’s serialization, titled Piercing. We finally learn more details about Ryota’s life, such as how he had known Ayako since he was young and about his brother’s disappearance. This added some depth to Ryota and potentially explains why he’s a problem child, but it is still rather vague and left many questions unanswered.

However, over 20 years later, Ryota’s story was finally revisited. In The First Slam Dunk, Ryota is the main character and we finally learn about his background and even his inner thoughts.

What shocked me the most was learning just how passionate Ryota was about basketball. Aside from Sakuragi (who himself became serious about basketball towards the end of the series), I felt Ryota was the most casual about basketball. He had even explained to Sakuragi that he wasn’t sure he wanted to play basketball in highschool until he saw Ayako. However, it’s shown Ryota had played basketball since he was a child, and his older brother had taught him. And despite Ryota’s mother disliking basketball (due to it reminding her of her late son), Ryota continued to play it.

His family life which is hinted at in Piercing is fully revealed in the movie. Ryota’s brother is confirmed to be dead, and we truly see how much it affected Miyagi. While in the manga he doesn’t seem depressed or anything, we learn how it deeply affected him and led him to become a delinquent. He was even bawling in his cave hideout that he used to visit as a kid. And the fact he wrote to his mother that he wished he was the one who died instead speaks volumes.

Ryota had always come off as a very nonchalant person. While he did get pissed at times, he didn’t seem like he had serious issues. Ayako even states to him that he always looks like he’s fine. I think that this shows how strong Ryota was mentally, he always looked okay in front of his teammates and the average reader wouldn’t figure he had anything too serious going on,

As stated in a lyric by Taylor Swift, “No one sees when you lose when you’re playing solitaire”. Ryota seems to keep his problems to himself, similarly to Sakuragi. It seems like nobody in the team has any idea what happened, aside from maybe Yasu and Ayako. And Miyagi doesn’t act depressed either. However, I believe that his background reveals that Ryota tries to keep his feelings and struggles under control.

Something I think is notable is Ryota’s friendship with Sakuragi. It’s shown that they don’t get along, until they open up to each other one night regarding their bad luck in love. Their entire conversation that night wasn’t revealed (and I believe there is a possibility they could’ve talked about things outside of their love life), but it still shows that Sakuragi was the first one Ryota opened up to on the team. Additionally, Ryota was the first one on the team that Sakuragi confided in about any struggles he was facing. As a result, I believe that this was why they were able to become friends so easily.

While Miyagi is already a stand out character in Shohoku, the additional information regarding his background makes him an even better written character.