#if apologising is not enough to make anyone forget anything i want to just not live anymore.

[straightlightyagami]

tw suicide

maybe it's selfish of me but I don't really appreciate people bringing up bad things I did years ago as a kid when I actively want to kill myself and have kind of tried a few times in the past few months. not that anyone knows any of that

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

Sajda 𓆩♡𓆪

Summary: Lando found his greatest love at the worst time. Yet she would always be there with him.

♥ ln x desi!reader [important author's note below] ʚɞ

♥ angst + fluff ʚɞ

♥ tw: death [lemme know if there's anything else] ʚɞ

author's note: i know this says desi!reader, but there's only one thing in hindi that y/n says, and the meaning of it will be revealed later, so y'all can read this, despite it being a desi!reader. and, this is kinda long (that's what she said). the max i mention in this is max f, unless i mention otherwise.

masterlist ☾☼

lando had met y/n in the most unusual way possible. he'd been in a cafe, waiting for his coffee and scone, when he'd seen her walk in. she hadn't looked anything extraordinary to anyone. she looked like the average university student with too many books, and not enough hands to hold them. yet somehow, lando had been intrigued by her. he'd seen many college students around in monaco, yet something about her had made him forget about everyone else, and everything else.

he'd watched, even though he didn't want to come across as a creep, as she fell into a nearby seat, resting her arms and breathing heavily. lando didn't know why she was breathing so heavily. she hadn't ran in, and the weight of her books couldn't have been so much that it was physically draining her.

lando waited for someone to offer her water, but no one did. she was hunched over, her chest falling and rising rapidly, and he couldn't sit back anymore. quickly walking over to the counter, lando requested for a bottle of water, apologising for not ordering at the cash counter. the woman had been kind enough to hand him a bottle, and just said that she would bill it later, before he left.

thanking the woman, lando walked over with the bottle in hand. she was still hunched over, her hand to her chest, and she was still breathing too heavily. he knocked on her table twice, making her head shoot up, staring at him. wordlessly, he offered the bottle to her. she hesitated, but grabbed it, and quickly drank from it, almost finishing the whole thing in one go.

"thank you," she said. her accent was different, and her voice was soft and velvety and kind.

"are you okay?" lando asked.

she nodded, "i am now,"

"would you like help with anything?"

she stared at him for a few seconds, "i'm not accepting help from a stranger,"

lando's eyes widened, "oh, i'm so sorry. i'm lando, it's nice to meet you." he held his hand out for her to shake.

"i know who you are. i follow f1," she said as she grabbed his hand and pulled herself up. staring at her smaller hand in his, lando noticed her ln bracelet.

"so, i take it you like how i drive?" lando smirked, a little cocky.

her eyes narrowed, "sometimes."

his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "what do you mean 'sometimes'?"

"well, y'all are mighty rich and arrogant, and i'd rather not give you the satisfaction by saying i'm a fan of yours," she said, taking her hand back from his. lando hadn't even realised that he was still holding onto her hand.

"that seems ru-" lando broke off when he saw her fighting a smile. he smiled as well, shaking his head.

"i'm y/n. and, i am a fan of yours," she introduced herself, a teasing smile on her lips.

she had a dimple, like lando did, and out of everything that he had noticed in the few minutes, her dimple was his favourite.

"would you like to join me? i could order you something?" lando asked bashfully.

"just because i'm a college student doesn't mean i'm broke," she said dryly.

his eyes widened, and he rushed to correct himself, to let her know that he didn't mean it like that, and he just wanted to do something nice. but then, she laughed. a loud laugh and lando froze.

that laugh, her laugh, was more beautiful than the sound of any of his cars. her laugh was more beautiful than hearing his national anthem at the top step. her laugh was more beautiful than anything he had ever heard, and he wished he had recorded it because he wanted to listen to that laugh till he died.

"i'm just kidding. thank you, i'd appreciate it." she said, still smiling.

she was shorter than him, and almost looked fragile. lando hated himself for thinking like that, given his history of dealing with bullying, but her arms were thin and he worried. he worried for a girl he met a few minutes ago.

lando picked up her books, as she grabbed her bag and the bottle of water. he led her to the seat he had previously occupied. he gently kept her books on the table, and pulled out the chair for her, being a true gentleman.

"you don't have to worry about me being the bus stop girl. i won't lie on the internet," y/n said, and lando burst out in laughter. he liked her. he liked her dry humour.

"no, go ahead and lie, i'd be fine with it," he said, as he settled into the chair across from her.

"you're not worried that i'm some crazy fan who's going to go on twitter and tiktok and i don't know where else to post a made up story about you?" she asked, settling into the seat.

somehow, she looked smaller in it, and lando felt the need to protect her, to make her realise just how much space was available for her to occupy because he didn't like that she was shrinking herself.

"are you going to?" he retaliated.

y/n smirked, "i might,"

"then, i'd like to see how creative you can get."

she smiled, showing her dimple again, and lando thought for a moment if she would scream at him if he asked to take a picture of her dimple.

the woman from the counter placed his coffee and his scone on the table, and turned to y/n, asking if she needed anything. y/n ordered for a coffee, and apologised for not ordering at the cash counter.

the woman hushed her, as if it was an every day occurrence for the two women.

"do you come here often?" he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

she nodded, "every day. it's the cafe closest to my apartment, so i spend a lot of time here."

lando's head tilted in confusion, "how come i've never seen you before then?"

"maybe you weren't looking for me then," she was flirting. lando wasn't sure. but he hoped she was.

"maybe i wasn't ready for you before. the universe does work in mysterious ways, y'know,"

she leaned forward, a mischievous glint in her eye, "oh, honey, you're never going to be ready for the storm i am,"

he laughed once again, and he liked that. the pressure of the world championship was catching up to him, despite his efforts to not let it affect him. he hadn't properly laughed like this in a while, but somehow, he was glad that he was laughing with her, a woman he met a half hour ago.

they kept talking, making each other laugh, falling into comfortable silences, asking questions just to get to know the other better. they didn't speak much about lando's job, or why she was breathing so heavily when he had first approached her. the two recognised that those were uncomfortable topics.

lando knew that y/n, as a fan, would have her own opinions, and while he didn't know what she thought of his driving or his team or his teammate or anyone on the grid, he also knew that he didn't want to hear it. the world had an opinion on everything but they didn't know the truth, and lando refused to get influenced by the opinions of someone who had no idea what happened behind cameras.

y/n had also subtly changed topics any time it came close to her breathing, or her general exhaustion. lando desperately wanted to know, but he didn't want to overstep, especially because this was a friendship he wanted to keep in his life.

lando had stayed at the cafe way longer than he was supposed to, but he didn't really mind, and he knew that max would understand. when y/n began packing up, ready to leave, he shyly asked for her number, and asked if he would see her again.

"you're a lot more confident on social media than you are in real life," she mused, a soft smile on her lips letting him know that she wasn't judging, but instead, just making an observation.

"i know what people want me to be online. it doesn't always mean that's who i am,"

"wise words, mister norris,"

lando ducked his head, "thank you, miss y/l/n,"

she had given him her number, quickly calling her phone to make sure that she had it as well. just as she turned to leave, she hesitated for a second, and lando watched, not wanting to miss a second of her existence.

she was second guessing herself, he knew, but nothing could have prepared him for when she leaned up slightly, her hand on his arm, and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, before turning away and walking out.

lando stood there frozen, a goofy smile on his face, feeling excited about seeing her again.

the two fell into an easy friendship. lando found out that y/n tended to sleep quite often, and because of that, she used every little energy she had in studying and maintaining her gpa. he found out that she was from india, and was attending university here on a scholarship. he found out that her favourite drink was hazelnut coffee, with a lot of whipped cream. she was a sucker for kinder, just like he was. he found out that she was bad at texting, often leaving him on delivered for hours, sometimes days, though she always apologised profusely and said that it was out of her control most of the time. lando also found out that he forgave her quite easily.

they spent most of their time at the cafe, sometimes working together in silence, sometimes she explained to him what she was studying with a passion he hadn't seen anywhere else. sometimes, they just talked about everything and nothing, and it became lando's favourite thing.

when it was time for lando to head to the mtc for work, to focus on the last three races, he had felt gutted. he wouldn't see her anymore, and he hadn't realised just how much of his mood had began depending on her. the day before he left, he walked her back to her apartment, refusing to let her walk alone in the dark.

outside of her apartment building, she pulled him in a hug, wrapping her arms around his waist. she had dropped her bag on the floor, just so she could hug him. lando immediately wrapped his arms around her neck, keeping her to him.

they didn't say anything, just breathed each other in. it wasn't goodbye, lando knew that, yet it felt like it. it felt like a goodbye, and lando was not ready to let her go just yet, no matter the reason.

as she began to pull away from him, he pressed a kiss to her hair, holding her for just another second, before he let her go.

"i'll see you soon, yeah?" he whispered.

she smiled, biting her lip. his gaze focused on her lip, and he desperately wanted to kiss her, but he couldn't. he shouldn't.

"win for me, will you?" she said softly.

he smiled, "as long as you keep letting me know you're alive and well,"

her smile faltered, and lando immediately wondered what he said, what was going on in her brain.

she smiled brightly again, and nodded. she pressed a kiss to his cheek, like she did every time she went back home. and, like every time, he froze, smiling goofily.

lando watched as she picked up her bag and walked inside the building. he watched, half because she was mesmerising, and half because he wanted to make sure that she was safe.

when he was travelling, lando and y/n fell into a similar routine. since they weren't able to meet face to face, they were on facetime almost constantly. the only time they weren't on facetime was when either of them were sleeping, or lando was training or in a meeting. she had gotten better at texting as well, keeping him updated about everything and anything. she let him know when she'd be unavailable for their facetime calls, and lando understood.

lando felt deeply for her. he knew that his feelings for her were romantic. he hoped that she felt the same for him. but, the more rational part of him also knew that if he wanted to be with her for a long term, he'd have to be her friend first. he'd have to build that solid foundation with her first.

for y/n, he was willing to wait as long as she wanted.

of course, she never said or indicated anything regarding her feelings towards him. at the end of the day, lando wanted to be a part of her life in any way that she would want him. he'd never felt like this before, had never felt this insane need to be around someone, to have someone in his bubble all the time. he didn't understand this feeling very well, had never experienced something like this before.

he'd confided in max. he explained to his best friend every emotion and every thought that ran through him when he was with her, and when he was away from her. his best friend admitted to never seeing lando like this, but also said that he was happy to see his best friend so enamoured with someone.

max's advice had been to take it slow, and to be friends with her till she asked or indicated otherwise. when pietra and ria had agreed with him, lando knew for sure that that was the best course of action. he didn't want to overwhelm her. he didn't want to make her feel like he was expecting anything more than what she was willing to give. he'd hate himself if his actions drove her away.

so, he took it slow.

he sent her pictures from his day, and voice notes at the end of the day. he kept her on facetime, saying that he needs company as an excuse. as if he wasn't surrounded by his mechanics and engineers. he texted her before he got in the car, and he texted her after he got out. he sent her memes, and he flirted a little bit.

and, she did the same. she sent him pictures from her day, letting him know when she was at the cafe. sometimes, he'd recognise his coffee order and scone, and wondered if she missed him the way he missed her. she indulged in his excuse and stayed on facetime with him. she listened to all his voice notes, and responded to them. she texted him every time he was on track, giving him a live update of everything that was going on in her head. sometimes, she flirted back too. she didn't do it often, but she flirted back, and it always made lando smile.

after the season had ended, lando stayed in monaco as much as possible. he missed his family, and he missed his friends for sure. but, he needed to be in y/n's presence like he needed oxygen.

during his off months, y/n's family had come to visit her, and she couldn't stay out much. so, they changed their routine a little. every night, after dinner, lando would meet her at the entrance of her apartment building, and the two would take a walk, sometimes getting ice cream on the way, for an hour or two.

she always made him laugh. and, she laughed just as much. he still wanted to record that sound, and play it over and over and over, till he didn't remember anything but that sound. his feelings had grown stronger over time. she hadn't given any indication of wanting a romantic relationship with him, and he hadn't pushed. he kept his flirting to a minimum as well, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

during one of their walks, y/n had informed lando that her family were going on a trip somewhere, and that she wouldn't be able to talk to him much. he had understood, remembering the stories she'd told of her parents and how they often told her to stay away from her phone. lando planned his trip to his parents' place at around the same time, as well.

he was determined not to miss a single second he could have with her.

the trip she'd taken with her family was three weeks long. they kept up the same routine as race weekends. though, this time, it didn't include facetime calls. he sent her voice notes and pictures regularly, and she responded, though, often really late, and sounding more tired than ever. she shared pictures sometimes, informing him that most pictures were on her brother's phone because he had a better camera than she did.

nonetheless, their bond remained strong.

max called him whipped. carlos said something similar. but he knew that they knew just how important this woman was to him. they hadn't seen anything like it before, and he hadn't felt anything like this before.

despite his efforts of spending every possible second with her, lando had been an f1 driver. meaning, he had to be at the mtc often, especially to meet sponsors and work with his team before the pre-testing.

even though she had never asked or indicated anything, lando bought her gifts to make up for the time he lost with her. she would always laugh, but would accept the gift. in the beginning, she had put up a fight, telling him that it was too much and that he didn't need to. lando was stubborn, and eventually, she'd sighed and accepted it.

just like that, a year passed.

lando was there for her graduation, clapping when she went on stage and received her diploma. lando was there when she found her first job. he was there to drop her off and pick her up on her first day. he was there with ice cream every time she told him that she felt drained, and the two would watch a movie. he was there for every big and every small moment. as much as he could, at least.

she was there every time he came home after a race. she was there every time he was frustrated with the team, with himself, with the media. she was there every time they went to a seafood restaurant, and only ever ordered spring rolls. she was there at the cafe, his coffee and scone ready whenever he was running late. she was there when he was homesick. she was there when he'd be streaming, just sitting close to him. she was there for every quadrant shoot, giving him her ideas as well. she was there for every game night, every movie night, every little party he had. in her own way, she was there with him like no one else had ever been there.

it was so easy being friends with her, sometimes lando forgot that his crush had turned into him being in love with her. it was so easy being with her, that sometimes, lando forgot about his own feelings, only ever focused on her voice and her smile and her hands and everything about her.

she was weak some days, reminding him of the day they'd met, with her breathing so heavily. she would always tell him that it was her time of the month, and these were just some symptoms. lando had grown up with two sisters, but he had never seen anything like what y/n was going through. he had asked his sister if it was normal to be feeling like that during their cycles. his sister had reassured him that it was different for every woman, and as long as y/n said she was fine, she truly was fine.

but, it all came crashing down one day.

lando hadn't expected it. in fact, it happened during a race, and lando was unaware.

he'd had a good race, one that he was proud of. immediately after changing, lando had checked his phone, frowning when there were no messages from y/n. that had been odd, because y/n texted him during each race. she had been doing so consistently for the past year. to suddenly not have a single text from her, not even a good luck text, had worried him.

his flight was scheduled for back home the next morning. if she didn't pick up his call, lando was sure that he would jump on the next flight out and rush home just to check on her.

the ringtone was loud in his ear, even though the volume on his phone wasn't. his heart was beating erratically again, for a completely different reason as before. usually, he loved feeling his heartbeat everywhere, feeling the rush of it in his veins when he was in the car. now, though? he hated the feeling.

she picked up at the final ring. lando breathed out a sigh of relief.

"y/n? are you okay? you didn't text me during the race and i got worried," he said.

she paused for a second on the other side, and lando frowned.

"um, this is her friend. she's in the hospital, actually," the voice was low, but it seemed to echo in his ears.

hospital? what? why? what had happened?

"what?" he croaked out, his body working on autopilot as he stuffed his things in his bag.

"she was fine in the morning, but her condition got a little worse, and we had to get her to the hospital," her friend said.

"condition? what condition?" lando was freaking out.

"she didn't tell you?"

"no! she didn't! is she okay?"

"she'll be okay eventually. at least, that's what the doctor said."

lando asked for the hospital name, looking for flights at the same time.

as he left the paddock, zak and oscar stopped him, but lando didn't have time. he couldn't lose precious seconds.

"i'm really sorry, i have to go, i need to go," he didn't know what he was saying, or what he was doing. all he knew was that he needed to get to y/n as soon as possible.

"woah, woah, woah, lando," oscar said, grabbing lando's arms, holding him in place.

"what's wrong?" zak asked.

zak didn't know y/n, but oscar did. oscar knew her. oscar would understand. yes, oscar would help him.

eyes wide, lando said, "she's in the hospital. i have to go. i don't know what happened, osc, i have to go."

"okay, okay. give me your room key, i'll pack up your stuff and drop it off at your place tomorrow," oscar was calm. how was oscar calm?

"yes, yes, that's smart," lando immediately pulled out the room key card from his pocket, handing it to oscar.

"lando, deep breaths-"

"but, she's-"

"i know. but, you're not going to be of any help to her if you can't help yourself right now. deep breaths with me,"

lando copied oscar's breathing pattern, his hands holding onto oscar's arms. once the rushing blood in his ear subsided, lando nodded, gulping.

"she's going to be okay," oscar reassured him.

lando nodded, taking a step back, ready to turn and leave. just before he began running, he turned quickly, hugging oscar, thanking him. before oscar could hug back, lando was running.

the wait was excruciating. the wait in the taxi going to the airport. the wait at the airport for his flight. the wait in the flight. the wait in the taxi going to the hospital. it was eating him alive, and every single cell in his body was vibrating with fear.

in the midst of his panic, he had managed to text max and carlos, his two closest friends, letting them know of the situation. he knew that carlos was probably asleep by now, and would see the message in the morning, but max had responded immediately, instructing lando to let him know if he needed anything.

when he reached the hospital, he immediately ran to the front desk, asking for y/n. the nurse standing there almost looked afraid of him. his eyes were red, his hair unruly. he hadn't slept at all after the race, and hadn't eaten anything either. he felt weak, but he needed to see y/n. he needed to see his y/n.

before the nurse could say anything, a voice called his name. turning, he saw y/n's friend, the one who had answered her phone. rushing towards her, he let out his frenzy list of questions.

"is she okay? what happened? when did it happen? what did the doctor say?"

her friend didn't say anything, just quietly led him to her room. the wait to her room was excruciating as well, somehow worse than when he was on the flight.

standing outside her room, her friend turned to him and said, "it isn't my story to tell. it's hers. but, know this, lando, being with her, as a friend or boyfriend or whatever, it's with a ticking time bomb. one day, she is going to leave us. if you go in that room, know that you will have to prepare yourself for when the time runs out and it all explodes."

he heard her words. he registered them. maybe he should walk away. save himself the pain that would come with her inevitably leaving. he could. very easily, in fact. she wasn't awake. she didn't know he was here. he could ask her friend to not mention anything about him, and he could turn around and leave. he could.

but he didn't. why didn't he? why couldn't he? he knew he loved her the first day he met her. he knew he wanted to be in her life for as long as she wanted. if she was going to inevitably leave, he'd rather hold her hand till it went slack and cold. if she was going to inevitably leave, he'd rather love her, just so she went with a smile.

his hand was on the doorknob, and he turned it, pushing the door open.

she had tubes attached to her, and the steady beating of her heart was heard through the beeping. she looked small and frail. she looked like she would turn to dust if he touched her. her skin was pale, and her bones were so clearly visible. oh, his sweet y/n.

dropping his bag at the side, he sat on the chair beside her bed, slowly, carefully, picking up her hand, holding it, running his fingers over and over them, making sure she was real.

tears streamed down his face. why hadn't he noticed any of it before? why hadn't he pushed her for information when she changed the subject? he knew something hadn't been right, but he was stupid enough to ignore it. how could he have been so stupid?

lando's head rested on the bed beside their joined hands, sobs wracking his body. he had felt pain before. he had felt pain when his grandmother passed. he had felt pain when he read the hate comments about him. he had felt pain then. this pain was something he hadn't felt before, something that was completely incomparable.

he must've fallen asleep right there, the exhaustion of the race and the travel, the stress of all of it combined draining him physically and mentally. he woke up with a jerk, his neck aching. wiping the corner of his mouth, his eyes fell on the sleeping figure on the bed.

except she wasn't sleeping anymore.

"y/n!" he exclaimed, standing over her and checking every single part of her that he could see, as if the condition she had was external.

"i'm sorry i didn't watch the race. how'd you do?" she whispered, smiling gently.

lando huffed out a laugh, "as if i care about the race anymore," leaning forward, he pressed a kiss against her forehead.

"you scared me, lovie," he whispered, his forehead resting against hers.

"told you i was a storm you weren't ready for," she smiled, and god, lando wanted to kiss her. he wanted to kiss her so desperately.

"oh, you are a storm, alright, but i'm more than ready for you," he said, pulling back and settling on the uncomfortable chair again.

he stared at her for a few seconds, a little bit of his tension falling away. "why didn't you tell me?"

she hesitated, her mouth opening and closing as she attempted to explain to him, "i wanted to. at first i couldn't figure out how or when to tell you, and then i started worrying that if i did tell you, you'd leave. i didn't want you to leave,"

her voice was small, as if she was afraid that he would hear her, that he would confirm her fear. silly, silly girl.

he clasped her hand in his, pressing a kiss to her fingertips and he said, "y/n, i am crazy in love with you. have been from the day i met you. absolutely nothing will make me want to leave you,"

she stared at him, still chewing on her lip slightly, and then whispered, "what if i told you i had a dick?"

his brain froze for a second, but she smiled, and he laughed, and in his heart, everything was right again, "then, i'll figure out how sex works on the go,"

she laughed, and he smiled, and in his heart, the warmth spread again.

"do you really love me?" she asked, almost sounding broken.

"desperately," he said, without hesitation.

"you won't leave?"

"i'd rather drive with extremely old tyres on a wet track with no fireproofs than leave,"

she smacked his hand, "don't say that!"

"it's the truth,"

it was silent for a second.

"i love you too, by the way. i forgot to say that,"

lando laughed, "more than a friend?"

"way more than a friend,"

"y/n?"

"lando?"

"what condition do you have?" he was afraid of the answer. granted, he didn't know much about diseases and such. his knowledge of physical anatomy only went as far as understanding the risks of being an f1 driver and being in an f1 car.

"it's something complicated. it's a lifelong thing, and there's no particular cure for it. we found out in its early stages, which is why we started treatment early as well. the doctors told me that i'd have maybe twenty or thirty years more, but that death was inevitable. "

"oh,"

"yeah. my doctor in india recommended a specialist doctor here, and since my parents were already struggling a little bit with the costs, i got a scholarship, so that it was one less thing for them to worry about. i've made peace with the fact that i am going to die one day, lando. i know that it's going to happen, and i am ready for it."

"what if-"

"don't try and find a better doctor or something, lando. it's not going to work. whatever this is, it makes me physically weak and tired so easily. the walk from my apartment to the cafe sometimes tires me out so much. i can't breathe properly in it, i pass out way too often, i can't hold in any sort of food sometimes. my lungs hurt, and my arms and legs go numb, and it's a lot of things. and it's only going to result in one thing."

lando stayed silent. he didn't know what to say, and after everything that had happened in the past weekend, and now, his brain was taking time to process it.

"is that why you didn't reply to me for days sometimes? 'cause you were in the hospital?"

"mhmm,"

he tried not to cry. he really did. all he could think about was every time that he had assumed she was busy, or he had believed her excuses, she was all alone in a hospital with no one to take care of her, no one to protect her from this godforsaken condition. "why didn't you tell me? i could've been here with you? were you scared? did you have someone to hold your hand?"

"oh, lan," she cupped his cheek, as he sobbed.

"i'm gonna be here now. i'm gonna be with you now all the time. whatever happens, i'll be here, and i'll help you wherever you need me to,"

"you have a job, lando," she said softly.

"fuck that. i don't care about that anymore. i just care about you. don't leave me, please," lando was on his knees, holding onto her hand, sobbing as everything inside him broke.

"sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu," she whispered.

"i don't know what that means, lovie," he sniffed, calming himself down, doing what oscar had done not twenty four hours ago.

"when i die-"

"y/n-"

"it's the truth, lando. when i die, look it up. okay?"

he nodded, promising her that he would.

things changed after that. of course it did.

lando spent every second possible with y/n, making sure that she was okay, and following the instructions she'd gotten from the doctor to rest more. he was there whenever she needed him, and now that she was more truthful about what was happening with her, lando realised just how much she had been hiding from him in the first place.

of course, lando had to go to the mtc for work often and the races, because it was his job at the end of the day, but he always made sure that she had someone with her, and had phone numbers of oscar, carlos, max f and max v, will and jon. any person who could easily get a hold of him when he was away.

he worried, and he knew she knew he worried. but she did love him for it. she told him so repeatedly. they hadn't kissed, even when weeks had passed from her last hospital visit where lando really found out about her condition. they hadn't kissed, and hell, they hadn't even talked about dating or anything of that sort.

lando supposed that they should, at least once. to clear out any misunderstandings, or to just be on the same page. but, they did have a mutual understanding that despite not talking about the change in their dynamic, they were together. like, together-together.

they still went on walks after dinner. it was the little bit of exercise that she got, and lando was determined to make sure that she was moving. the easiness between them was still present, except there was an added element of brushing fingers, casual touching, walking a step closer than normal. and then, it changed to holding hands when walking, which sometimes became lando's arm across her shoulder, tucking her to him, and sometimes it became her hand tucked in the inside of his elbow.

lando knew that people watched, that there were cameras everywhere, but with her, it was the least of his worries. it was during one of their walks when he kissed her for the first time.

he hadn't planned on doing it. she had ice cream stuck to her lip, and lando wanted. whether he wanted the ice cream or just her, he refused to acknowledge. he had kissed her, and she had kissed him back, and they had been unable to wipe their smiles off their faces.

it felt like kissing once took away any tension between the two, because then, they were kissing all the time. little pecks of hi, i love you. make out sessions in his car or her apartment, or even the little alley beside her apartment building. forehead kisses when she felt particularly weak, or when she had to be in the hospital. love bites of when they got carried away, and then lando took pictures (but no one else had to know that).

they were happy. they deserved that happiness.

but the dark cloud was still looming over their heads, and as much as lando tried to avoid it, as much as he tried to forget about it, every trip to the hospital had reminded him that there was only one way their story was going to end and he needed to prepare himself for it.

every time, his girl saw him struggling. she knew. and every time, she only ever told him, "sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu,"

he still didn't know what it meant. he had wanted to look it up, but he also remembered his promise to her. sometimes, late at night, when she would be asleep, curled up next to him, he would repeat the words over and over again in his head.

a year after they'd started dating, y/n made her official debut as his girlfriend at the monaco grand prix. she wasn't allowed to travel a lot, especially by air. the only few times that she travelled was when her parents had taken her to another doctor halfway across the world back when lando and her were still friends, or for when she visited india, which was also rare.

of course, his friends in the paddock had met her before. but, a lot of people were going to see her in person for the first time after only listening to lando talk about her non-stop.

she was immediately loved by everyone she met, and lando felt pride running through him. he was also a little aroused. the love of his life fit so well with his work life, it made him love her more.

before he got in the car, she pressed a kiss to his helmet and whispered the words again, "sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu,"

the words sounded beautiful, and a part of lando hated that it was associated with something so haunting.

when he won the race, he immediately ran to her, picking her up, as she celebrated with the rest of the team as well. his helmet wasn't even off, before he was hugging her and begging her to move in with him.

she had agreed, because of course, she had.

so, they moved in soon after the race. lando didn't let her do much of anything, insisting that him and the boys had it under control. the boys being max f, carlos, ginge, niran, max v, oscar, and george. how that group of friends came together? lando didn't know. all he knew was that he texted on his chat groups about needing help getting her all moved in, and people showed up at her apartment with coffee and food in their hand.

soon after she was properly moved in, the couple had to christen their home, of course. lando had loved every giggle, every moan, every whimper she had given him. he had savoured every one of them, because as happy as he was, the fear was still rooted in him that it might be the last time he would ever hear it.

there were some days when her health was a lot worse. some days when lando thought that she was right at doorstep of death. she always came back to him, and for that he was eternally grateful. she would make some silly comment and laugh and joke with him, as if they weren't in a hospital room and she didn't have multiple tubes attached to her.

he indulged in her coping mechanism. lando understood the need to add humour to serious situations. he knew that while she was comfortable with the idea that she was going to die soon, she was still scared. she hadn't spoken to him about it explicitly, maybe to spare his feelings. but he noticed, with the way she was slowly making plans for the future for him without her. he noticed, with the way she began speaking about other women, women who would come after her.

he hated it. hated that she was still thinking about how he would live after her, when honestly, he didn't think he would be living after her. he would just be surviving, and he would just be breathing for the sake of it.

they did fight sometimes. mostly on the days when she was feeling more insecure about herself. those were usually the days she would cry, sitting in the corner of a room, hiding away from him. but he found her, he always did.

in fact, it was during one of those fights when lando asked her to marry him.

"maybe we shouldn't be doing this,"

"do what, lovie?" he was patient, and in the back of his mind, he knew what she was talking about, but he refused to acknowledge it unless she came out and said it herself.

"this. us."

"and why is that?" his lovie was a logical person, he knew that. between the two of them, he was more emotional than she was. it was during times like these, when her logic seemed to be on vacation, and her emotions sat at the control centre in her brain full time that lando began logical.

"lando, i'm going to die!"

"i'm aware." his responses were pissing her off, he knew. it was deliberate, though. he'd rather she felt anger than sadness.

"lando!" she yelled at him.

sighing, lando faced her, crossing his arms across his chest, his ankles crossed as well.

"we've been over this, y/n, i'm not leaving." he said firmly.

"you should! save yourself! for fuck's sake, why are you with a dying person?"

"don't say that."

"don't say what? that i'm dying? newsflash, lando, i am dying! i'm playing pretend with you, i'm pretending that i'm not going to die, just like you do-"

"i don't pretend. i know you're going to-"

"it doesn't seem like it!"

"then, what do you want me to do? do you want me to scream and cry and only ever think about you dying? y/n, i'm constantly worried about you-"

"i don't want you to be-"

"yeah, well, that's not in your hands, now is it? i love you. i chose to love you before i knew about your condition, i chose to love you even after you told me about it. i am choosing you every second of every day because i fucking love you. and if you can't see that, then i can't help you!" they were both screaming now.

"then, stop choosing me!"

he froze.

she continued, "stop choosing me. live your life. you're 30 for god's sake, you spent half of your twenties taking care of me. it's enough. go out and party. meet women who are healthy and don't need breaks in between of sex! be with someone who can come to all of your races instead of just one! be with someone normal!"

"stop telling me to go out and live my life, for god's sake! i am living my life! why can't you see that? i am living my life, right here, with you, because this is how i want to live it! i don't want someone healthy or whatever, i want you! why can't you understand that?"

"you're wasting time-"

"i'm spending my time perfectly. i get to decide that. i get to decide what's a waste of time and what's not. just because you think i'm wasting my time being with you does not mean that it's true. it does not mean that i think the same as you."

"lando, i don't want you to regret ruining your twenties or your thirties for me! i'm replaceable! i'm going to die, and you will find someone else, someone better, and you're going to regret me!"

he took big steps, covering the distance between them. he grabbed her jaw with one hand, his other arm going around her waist.

"the only thing i'm regretting right now is making you feel like any part of me would ever think of replacing you. y/n y/l/n, get this drilled into your fucking head. i am going to marry you. i am going to marry you and i am going to give you everything you could ever want, material and otherwise. i love you. i. love. you. there's nothing i'm wasting or regretting. hell, i have the ring in the sock drawer right now. was gonna do it on our anniversary. not anymore."

she was crying. god, he hated when she cried.

"i'm going to put that ring on your finger right now, and then i'm going to remind just how much i love you any way you want. i am not leaving. i never wanted to, i never will. do you understand?"

she nodded, as much as she could with his hand on her jaw, keeping her in place, "i understand."

"good." lando kissed her hard, desperate for her.

before the kiss could turn into something else, lando turned and quickly walked to their bedroom, and then the walk in closet. pulling open the sock drawer, lando pulled out the ring box, and returned to where she was still standing.

dropping to his knee, he opened the ring box and presented it to her, "i don't care how long we have. i just know that i have now with you, and i want every nows that you're willing to give me. marry me, lovie?"

she was crying, and lando hoped that it was tears of joy.

"yes, i'll marry you," she whispered. lando slid the ring onto her finger, kissing the back of her hand.

"thank you," he said.

she laughed, still crying, "did you just thank me for saying yes?"

"hey, you were a fan of me before we met, you know i'm a pain in the ass when it comes to relationships. you agreeing to marry me just proves that someone went back in time, moved a chair somewhere,"

she laughed again, and lando wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face in her neck.

"i love you so much, lovie. i hate that you can't see it. i love you so so much," he whispered.

"i'm sorry i keep pushing you to leave me. i'm sorry i keep doing that. i love you so much too," she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close to her.

pulling back a little, lando kissed her. and again, and again, and again. their plan to immediately text all their friends and families had to wait until the next morning. they got a little busy, they're a young couple, people understand.

things changed after that. she changed after that. in a good way. she was happier, and had more energy.

lando loved seeing her like that. she had almost immediately began wedding planning, sitting with both families, asking his opinions on things.

she wanted to do an indian wedding, and so they decided to do the "western" wedding, as she called it, before, and during one of the breaks, they would do the indian one as well, since that required more time.

she went ring shopping for him, went flower shopping, pulled him along for cake tasting, talked his ear off about invitations and venues, and just about everything. and lando loved it. he listened intently, he responded quickly, he gave his opinions, smiling when she said no and continued to plan the way she wanted.

it was during one of her family's visit to monaco that his future mother in law had confessed to him, "she always wanted to get married. we didn't know if she would ever have that opportunity. thank you for loving our daughter, lando,"

if lando cried while he hugged her, that was between him and his future mother in law.

the wedding date was in three months, and the closer the date got, the more excited, and healthier she got. three months had been the longest that she had stayed out of hospital. lando was thanking every deity in the universe for taking care of her.

the invitations had gone out, she had a bachelorette party, he had a bachelor party, their parents spent more and more time together, the love of his life was happy. everything was falling into place. slowly, but surely.

a week before the wedding, everything was set. the table chart was perfect, the photographers and videographers were set. lando planned to announce that he was married with a landolog. she had her dress, he had his tuxedo. she was going to stay over at her friend's place the night before the wedding. everything was perfect.

maybe lando said that too soon.

two days before the wedding is when it all went down.

the day had started normal. the couple woke up in bed, cuddling. they also did a little more than cuddling, before getting ready for the day. they cooked breakfast together, chocolate chip pancakes, and danced to music playing from the bluetooth speaker.

it was when she stood up with the plates from the table that she began to feel dizzy.

"lovie? you okay?" lando asked, a hand on her back, concern all over his face.

"um, i'm just a little dizzy, i think," she said.

lando immediately got up from his place, taking the dishes from her hand, and settling them on the table again.

"babe, look at me," he instructed softly.

she did as he asked, but her head began spinning more, and she felt like she was going to throw up, and her body was hurting.

"hurts, everything hurts, lan,"

he'd done this hundreds of time in the past four years. he knew the process, he knew who to call, what to do, everything. but still, panic flooded through him. a bad, bad feeling settled in his gut, and he knew something was going to be horribly wrong.

sitting her down, lando ran to their bedroom, throwing a tshirt on, picking up the emergency hospital bag, and grabbed his car keys. going back, he gently picked her up. she was crying now, mumbling about how it was all hurting too much, and she didn't know how to stop it.

he drove way over the speed limit. whatever ticket he would get, he was fine with it. he didn't care at that moment. on his way, he called up his mom, letting her know that he was taking y/n to the hospital, and asked her to let her family know, and to let max and carlos know.

they immediately admitted her when he reached the hospital. they told him that she was in critical condition and that he wouldn't be allowed to see her. he begged, argued with them that he was her fiance, that they had to let him see her. the doctors refused, and lando ended up sitting in the waiting room, leg bouncing, his head in his hand, trying not to cry, not to lose hope.

their families had arrived quickly, along with max and carlos. they asked him what the doctor said, he repeated the message like a robot.

his mother sat on one side, and he immediately leaned his head on her shoulder. she was saying something. they were all saying something. but, he couldn't hear them. he couldn't hear them anything other than the blood rushing, other than his pounding heart.

it was after hours when the doctor finally came back, calling out her name. their big group stood up all at once, desperate to know whether their daughter, their sister, their friend, his fiance was okay or not.

before the doctor could say a word, lando knew. lando knew what had happened, lando knew. the grim face, the head shake. he said something, something like, "i'm sorry, we couldn't save her. her condition got way worse, and we just couldn't control it."

the doctor was saying words. her mother was wailing, her father and her brother trying to console her. someone ran out, her friend maybe. lando didn't know for sure. the doctor kept apologising.

he fell to the floor, his heart hurting, his head hurting. he was crying. maybe. he wasn't sure. he didn't know. maybe he was crying. maybe he was sobbing. maybe he was saying something. maybe maybe maybe. all he knew that max had his arms around him, and all he knew was that his father was saying something in his ear. carlos' hands were on his shoulders. they were all saying something, but lando didn't know. he didn't care.

she was gone. the love of his life was really gone. she had left him, just like she had told him that she would. she was gone, and he would never see her again, and he would never hold her again. he would never get to listen to her talk or laugh. he would never get to tease her, and he would never get to be with her again.

the doctor allowed them to see her. they went in groups. her family went in first, and then his. her friends then went, and then max and carlos. he went in last. why? he didn't know. probably because he knew that if he saw her, it would be too real for him.

and he was right.

seeing her in the hospital bed, with no tubes attached, he broke down again. he fell into the seat beside her bed, gripping her hand, just like he had the first time he found out about her condition.

"don't leave me, lovie. please. come back to me. come back home. don't leave me, im begging you, please, y/n, please, please, come back home." he cried.

he wanted her to open her eyes. he wanted her to wake up and tell him that she was fine. he wanted her to hug him and let him know that everything was going to be okay. he wanted her, he wanted her, he wanted her.

lando didn't know how long he sat there, numb and crying, staring at the love of his life's face. the face that would never cheer for him again, the face that would never let him know what she was thinking. the face that he wouldn't see at the end of the alter anymore.

eventually, someone came in, and took him away. he didn't know who. they told him that her parents were discussing the funeral and making plans. they told him that her parents were going to do it according to their rituals, and lando had the option to participate in it.

nothing made sense to him.

their wedding day, the day that she had worked so hard for it to be perfect and to be everything the couple ever dreamed it would be, became the day of her funeral.

the happiest day of his life became the worst day.

they went ahead with the indian rituals. her body was dressed in white, along with everyone present there. her body was kept on logs, and she was covered with it too.

there was an indian priest, reciting something. lando didn't hear. he stood alone towards the front, staring blankly at where her body lay. her brother was holding a log, with the top of it covered in a cloth and was on fire.

the priest said something, and her brother went around, lighting the log bed on fire. when he had done it from all sides, he kept the log on top, slowly watching as it all burned.

as she burned.

lando wanted to jump in the fire. he wanted to jump in the fire and go with her, wherever she was going. he wanted to jump in the fire and die with her, because he couldn't live in a world where she wasn't living.

a hand was on his shoulder, and lando heard her father, "thank you for loving my daughter, lando. thank you for making her happy."

"she wanted to get married. i couldn't give her that." he said, almost monotonously.

her father chuckled sadly, "i remember talking to her the day she moved in with you. said that the two of you were like an old married couple. reminded her of her grandparents and how in love they were,"

lando smiled sadly.

"don't lose touch, son. you are still family. we'd hate to lose our son-in-law too,"

lando cried silently. he didn't know how to stop.

"this was the ring she was going to give you today." her father said, opening his palm to present a thick silver ring with small diamonds all around. it was a simple ring. it was his style too.

lando hesitantly picked up the ring, looking at it. there was an engraving on the inside, and lando realised that the words were written in hindi.

"can i ask you something?"

"sure, son,"

"what does the inside say?"

her father took the ring and checked, before saying, "sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu,"

lando recognised those words.

"she said it to me a lot. before every race, every time she ended up in the hospital, any time that i was away from her, she said it to me. never told me what it meant. she just told me to look it up after she was gone." lando whispered.

"sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu. it means that my love will stay with you, regardless of whether i'm there or not."

the words echoed in his mind. they were true. her love would stay with him till his last breath, whether she would or not.

he grieved all the time after that.

how could he not?

he had to continue to train, to race, even when he didn't feel like getting out of bed. he had to continue to fight in a championship, even when he didn't care about it.

his team, team principal, zak, oscar, almost every driver on the grid who he had been racing with for years, were worried about him. how could they not be.

lando barely smiled. barely spoke anymore. he trained, raced, went back home. there was no light in him anymore, no spark.

of course, the media, the other team principals weren't aware of the major shift in lando's life. they used his grief as a weapon against him. said the same things they had said the year he won for the first time. said the same things, that he was mentally weak, and whatnot.

lando didn't care. he didn't care about anything anymore. he didn't care about his helmets, or about streaming, or even about quadrant. he didn't care about racing anymore.

he'd heard whispers amongst his team that they were worried he would do something hasty on track and severely injure himself. he heard the questions from the media to oscar and andrea and zak about replacing lando, now that he just wasn't good enough and was past his prime.

it was funny they said that, because he was still winning races. he was still winning races or getting on podium. he just wasn't happy. he wasn't happy or satisfied, because every time he looked at the crowd, he looked for her face and she wasn't there.

the fans, the media, they all speculated about the wedding ring on his finger. they all questioned and made fun of the fact that he was so depressed after getting married, he had clearly made a mistake. they laughed, and their laughter was cruel. but lando hadn't said anything. he didn't know why. he just couldn't.

it was when max had moved back in with lando and was streaming one day that the world found out about the bitter truth. it was max who had finally revealed to the world, months after, that lando needed someone to take care of him, because he was grieving. he was grieving the loss of the woman he loved so much.

lando had thanked max the next day. thanked him for telling the world what he couldn't because he didn't want it to be true. he had cried that day, thanking max through his tears for taking the initiative and doing what he couldn't.

max had only repeated the words she said, "her love will stay with you regardless of whether she's here or not,"

lando knew that. he believed that.

her love would stay with him till he died, regardless of where she was here or not.

.・。.・゜✭・❤・✫・゜・。.

lemme know if y'all liked this! thank you for reading it! this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :)

taglist: @maketheshadowsfearyou ; @anamiad00msday

[loganwritesprobably]

When You're In Danger - Straw Hats (Monster Trio)

Content/warnings: GN!Reader, Luffy, Zoro and Sanji headcanons, canon-typical violence referenced, injuries referenced, these men believe in your independence and your abilities!

Part two feat. Nami, Robin and Jinbei

While Luffy hates the idea of you getting hurt, he knows he can't stop it

He'd never expect you to idle by when a fight happens just because he doesn't want you getting hurt

He knows that you're capable, and he's proud of that fact

He'd keep an ear out for you though, as you continued your own fights, just in case

If you were in serious danger that you couldn't combat yourself, Luffy would move heaven and Earth to make sure you were safe

If you got hurt despite him rushing to your rescue, he would blame himself, but he would internalise that

If anyone stood in his way on his path to your side to defend you, they wouldn't be standing for much longer

Monkey D Luffy is a beast, and seas forbid anyone forgets thet

If you were hurt in a battle because you were outmatched, Luffy wouldn't leave your side for anything until he was sure you'd be okay

He trusts Chopper instinctively, but you're too special to lose

Zoro knows, perhaps even more than you know yourself, that you can handle danger. He trusts you to know how to protect yourself

He taught you how after all

So generally speaking he doesn't worry much about you when a fight begins, instead he oozes a quiet confidence

Zoro also knows when he or the crew are outmatched

The crew are brilliant, and have their own skills, but they're all at different combat levels - you're not on the same level as him

If he knew a fight would be too much for you, he'd seek you out in order to assist you

Needing help doesn't make you weak, it just shows you what you need to improve on

It would be second nature for him to find you, one of the rare times that he has a sense of direction

If you became injured because of his failure to protect you, he'd punish himself with intensified training, forcing himself to work harder

If he can't protect you, then what's the point? You're the only thing as important as his dream and Luffy

He wouldn't be able to look at you for a while after, afraid that you also weren't going to forgive him for his failure

Zoro would cut anyone down, ally or foe, to get to you in times of danger

Sanji knows when you're in trouble as if it's a sixth sense

Even if he thinks you can handle himself, he'll rush from his own fight to appear at your side and see for himself that you're coping

It's almost uncanny, how fast he can be there at your side

He only steps in if he's absolutely sure you need him to, because the last thing he wants is to step on your toes if you can handle it

He knows how good it feels to succeed

If you do need him to get involved, he's there before you can ask out loud. He sees it in your face and your body language

He dispatches whatever was causing you problems as fast as he can, then makes sure that you're okay

You even rank above Nami in terms of importance for him. The entire crew loves Nami and can help her - nobody loves you quite like Sanji does

If he can't get there in time, the person who hurt you will have the highest price to pay: a slow and painful death

Nobody is allowed to hurt you, not as long as he lives

He'll apologise to you profusely once the job is done, and spend at least a week if not more at your beck and call doing whatever you need ask him to do

You best be ready to eat your favourite meals every day until he's satisfied that he has apologised enough

Requests are open! See below links for my other works, and how to leave requests. I write both canon/canon and canon/reader requests for your enjoyment

AO3 | Fanfic Masterlist | Request Rules | Fic Trades Guide | WIPs

Tags: @claryeverlarkf

[wonjuii]

Hi, I do think exposing is childish but... I want to warn people. Ever since, like around 2024, august? I was invited to a groupchat, filled with people who posts on tumblr! some were ppl i didnt know about. And.. there is marie. I thought marie was a sweet person at first, didnt talk to her since i didnt know her that much. ever since the month grew, there's a chaos drama about dodo. (i am not bringing it up that much but it will be some information direct to that chaos)

it was around... october? I dont know but lets forget that! past 3 days, marie was being too dramatic, calling me and @awwriri sensitive. (just to tell you that, I can reclaim the slurs since i took an irl test but idk if its a thing since the doctor said "it was to check if i have autism" but it was positive i guess!) It was during the lil-liaa chaos. I didnt want to say the r slur to her but i ended up saying it since there were alot of things happening. As you can tell, i asked permission to say the slur, I was worried if i am really meant to say the slur in the gc. (please anyone dont get uncomfortable!) all of the sudden, she called me insensitive..? I didn't know asking permission is considered impolite or insensitve.. we all had a small talk with marie. everything went a little okay (I assumed.) there are evidences of our small talk.

I apologised... many times. MANY TIMES. "don't be sorry" i will have to be sorry because you bashed on me and riri bc of the slur now the whole server bc of dodo?? U can't be that serious. I also mentioned that everyone deserve to be forgiven! guess marie cant accept that. I thought riri was the owner of the gc, of course i had to ask her permission but no. she wasnt the owner. i was dumb enough to not check who's really the admin of the gc. When we had a small conversation about slurs, she mentioned she cant reclaim the N WORD bc others used it?... Although she used it when she just said it TWICE. (ITS NOT A RACISM SLUR, SHES AFRICAN)

i was just trying to make a conversation, setting up a new type of topic since i got really annoyed and uncomfortable, talking about slurs. But, she continued, wouldnt even stop ending the conversation about it. I even try to convince her to bring riri back to the gc since we all wanted to see how she is.

.... okay. do u like.. hate riri or something? The fact she argued with riri, MAYBE ALMOST EVERY WEEK. MAYBE EVERY DAY. its just disgusting how shes treating the others like shes the oldest of the gc. (she tried to boss me, telling me not to say the slurs bc im insensitve) just so you know, vivi educated me more about slurs so i am not going to say it. (thank you vivi)

The text may not be necessary, but can't you tell how bad she is? if your assuming its bc her education system or shes young, i was 13, i rarely got into fights. (like twice a year.) most likely, she's to cause tons of fights. my screenshots:

(Please press to read, it might be hard for you to see!)

This is a dodo situation. you may not know why dodo didn't explain why she didn't say anything or mention her reason about ignoring to chei. here it is.

basically, she was moody (mood swings i think) I understood dodo, i have frustration issues so i get really annoyed like almost everyday. just to clarify, were not bashing on chei, this is just to show evidence about marie and things she said! more evidence when she started being rude to me... (i didnt clip that part but others may have seen it, she said something like "no, i dont want to ❤️" something like that)

shes basically thinking we dont care...

(im at the corner at the top, replying to her.) You can tell i apologised to her like many times. shes basically saying dodo doesnt deserve to defend herself because shes a bully..? do you realize what ur doing. its childish.

evidence from dodo about marie talking about dodo in her post!

i cant. this is just annoying me so bad. why is she only asking me to block her ??? im so confused. (AGAIN, please press these evidences to read!)

wow.. i just dont get whats her problem with dodo, me and riri atp?..

sigh. marie tsk tsk.. i just cant believe this. i assumed she was going to expose me but i guess not?.... also another information.. me and vini were just trying to calm her down but she started bashing on her too.

Thank you to anyone to might be reading this. Again, exposing seems childish but its the best way to do it. its for others to be warned, incase! tags : @y-unrei @n-americano @i-mmaculatus @sugarish

@miujo @i-kyujin @aestradairio @awwriri @atsubie

@aeraras @rkivefr @daddldee @p-oisn @kissunoo

@florescita @fairytopea @purinkiss @hourlyhoon

@lvioung @obdosant @tzulipss @j-eongs @yeritos

@yonkiibums @hcvenue @bitchey @babyvoxgirlie

@swhore @bloomqi @kiyeuo @chaeryeos @y-vna

@y-urios @aestradairio @aesverse

god all of that tags is MAD!!!

[littlemssam]

Since not everyone saw my latest Statement on Discord yesterday, I wanted to post it here as well, and I also want to clear a few things up.

For those who do not know what this is about, I made a post that I should not have, or at least I should have phrased it in a way where the meaning is clearer. The Post I made was "Since I was one of those that got tagged in there, I can just say that I will not partake in any Anti Israel Pro Hamas Propaganda, and I will most certainly not forget what Hamas did Oct 7th like a lot of these ppl seem to do." I now see that the way I phrased it made it seem like I feel that the attacks on Palestinian Civilians were/are justified, and that is not what I meant, and I am deeply sorry about that. Edit: To make it clear I am against the Israel Government and Netanyahu, just like I am against Hamas. I am pro ceasefire now.

On June 25th I had to face the consequences in my Discord. A lot of ppl came in and confronted me about it. When the first ppl joined and started the confrontation, I did knee jerked again and banned the first three of them, because one of them insulted me and wrote that the attack on Oct 7 was made up. There were a few follow up bans of ppl, who also insulted me, but I did not ban anyone on purpose because they are Pro Palestine. There were also some Posts deleted that should not have been. It was not done by me personally, but I was also not fast enough and clear minded enough to stop it and I could not undo it, so I apologise for that as well.

I locked the Server down in the End, because it was 3 am for me and I was, and still am, very overwhelmed and exhausted, and the Server will stay down for a while. This is the latest Statement I made, and I know it will not be enough for everyone and I respect that.

"I did not mean to seem to take a stance that seems like I am pro-Israel as if I believe this is all their land (a Zionist). I do not want to condone the violence happening in the country right now or pretend that Palestinian lives don't matter. It was never intended in what I said. I did not mean to phrase things in a way that make me seem to be against the problems palestinians are facing in Gaza. I inserted myself into something I don't know enough about or how to talk about in an educated way, so I should have better not said anything at all. I am sorry that I did. I do feel it is wrong that some people feel like what happened on October 7 is fake and I have already had people say it is. I have banned people who have said so while attacking me. That is wrong. Those people died and it's sad, so too it is sad the people who are dying over the military actions of Israel in attacking the groups who did this causing a loss of Palestinian life without considering who will be hurt. I am not a Zionist. I am just someone who felt sickened by what happened in the attacks last year and didn't like how I see some people pretending that is all a hoax."

[enwoso]

PROUD OF YOU || alessia russo x gymnast!reader

little psa i’m not an expert in the format of gymnastics by any means, this is just from my knowledge. so if anything isn’t correct i apologise🙃

this was supposed to be a blurb from the same universe as number one fan but i got carried away and it turned out being 3k words… ENJOY!

read number one fan here

masterlist

you felt like your entire life had led up to this moment in your life, your first olympics. twenty four years old and you were fulfilling something only your eight year old self could imagine.

you remember watching the beijing olympics more specifically the gymnastics and you knew that was what you wanted to do, even if it wasn't to win while that would be an added bonus, just being there was special and something not everyone could say they had done.

you had spent weeks, actually months in the gym. endless amount of hours spent perfecting your routines and making sure they were perfect and showcased all of your best tricks.

however it was slightly bittersweet as even though you were training for your first ever olympic which was being held in paris, it had meant you had been away from your girlfriend, alessia russo for quite some time now.

only being able to see each other on the odd weekend when you were not training and she didn't have a match, an even still those days came far and few.

but still your relationship was as strong as ever and it meant the time you did spent together was cherished and never taken for granted.

you and alessia had been officially dating for a year now and how the two of you had met was in the weirdest way possible.

you first met when you were in london and you so happened to be in the same coffee shop, alessia with her clumsiness fell over the leg of your chair sending herself and her coffee flying across the room.

you immediately apologising thinking it was your fault when really it was just alessia and her two left feet. you couldn't help but be mesmerised by how gorgeous she was but the blonde had dashed out the coffee shop in shear embarrassment before you had the chance to get another sentence out never mind ask the blonde for her name.

the second time you met was funnily enough in a gym in  kent just a couple weeks afterwards, that being your hometown but also alessia's. you knew it was the same blonde girl, how could anyone forget such a beautiful face.

you were the one that spoke to the blonde first, alessia of course having no idea who you were and not remembering you. her face only flushing when you mentioned her going flying in a coffee shop, alessia found it relaxing that you didn't have a clue who she was.

not recognising her for her football but instead just because she was a person. you never forget how shy she was as she kept stumbling over her words when she spoke to you.

as you both stood talking in the gym locker rooms, alessia stuttering out asking for you number when you were just about to leave. from that day you went on a couple dates, actually discovering who she was and what she did day to day and from then the two of of you had been in your own little love bubble.

those who were important knew about your relationship, the media had it's suspicions but you nor alessia ever confirmed the rumours that circulated.

"what's with the gloomy face" alice kinsella nudged you as you took of your head phones. alice being one of your closest friends in the team, she'd helped you a lot in the running to the olympics, herself already being an olympian helped as she had been able to settle your nerves.

a sad smile was on your face as you looked down at the text message alessia had just sent you, wishing you good luck and that she be watching. you not having a clue she meant literally.

you had it in your head that alessia wasn't going to be at the qualifiers, her schedule didn't line up and she had just finished her qualification matches for the euros next year and she had just flown out to spend a few days in ibiza with her friends.

she told you that if you wanted her to be there for the qualifying round she would be and she'd get an earlier flight from ibiza just for you but you had promised her it was fine and that she should enjoy her time with her friends as your girlfriend had promised you that she would be at the next round as she herself was more than confident you would qualify.

"just missing lessi" you mumbled, texting a quick reply before putting your phone down as alice nodded her head she understood, it was hard being away from those you love.

"i'm sure she's watching, just make her proud yeah" alice smiled as she nudged her shoulder into you again, a little harder this time as she held a smug smile. it drawing a smile from you as you shook your head at your friends childishness.

alice moving away to focus on getting herself in the right mindset as the competition was just about to begin, you slipping your head phones back in your head as you carried on the stretch.

the competition was everything you could have dreamt of, your first piece of apparatus was vault where you were up first your score being 13.833 which you were happy with, the next rotation came around and it was bars a piece of apparatus you were a little bit more comfortable on but a small mistake cost you a few marks but your score ended on a 12.833.

the third rotation was beam a peice of apparatus which was always daunting and slightly scary. it never got easier competing on beam but the routine went smoothly and your score came in at 13.500.

the final rotation was here and team gb were looking good for qualifying for team final, the last apparatus was floor and with a small step out the floor markings cost you but your final score came in at 12.466.

you had done your bit for the team and for your country. taking in every second of the competition the pure euphoria of being there knowing it would hit later on when you were trying to sleep. right now you were focused, praying the team would qualify for the team final.

just alice was left to do her routine on the floor and then you would know if you had qualified, it all felt in slow motion. she did her last move, stood tall and presented to the judges. coming off the floor and down the steps as you waited for her score.

you nervously looked towards the score board waiting for alice’s score to come through, standing next to your teammates as the judges took their time deliberating their decision.

12.733.

team gb were on to the team final, qualifying in seventh with a total score of 160.830.

you stood in shock of a second before turing to ruby and abigail. engulfing them in a three way hug as you were all in a similar position this was your first time at an olympics. “we did it!” you called out into the hug as a smile bigger than ever was on your face.

you moved over to congratulate alice, not only on the team final but also the all around final she had made. “well done alice!” you grinned wrapping your arms around her, hugging her tight.

“you too kid, your first ever all around final!” she smiled proudly as you froze. you hadn’t made an all around final. what did she mean.

“what-?” you stutter out as she pointed to the score board which was currently going through the gymnasts which had made the final.

“there look you goon!” alice pointed to where your name was, number 24. you had just qualified for the all around.

“oh my god” you couldn’t believe it, you turned to the crowd trying to spot your mum and dad who had been there watching. you waving up proudly as you held up a heart to them. turning back to alice who was still facing the crowd.

“y/n, look your mum wants you”

you hummed before turning around to look where your mum was in the crowd, her pointing towards someone next to her. your eye line following her pointing, looking up and finding their face.

“oh my god” you whispered yelled, your mouth wide open. your were lost for words but also had so many questions at the same time. how was she here? why was she not sat in the hot spanish sun?

“told you she’d be watching!” alice nudged you a smug smile, you knew maybe somehow she had something to do with her being sat in the audience watching but you didn’t care how little or how big involvement she had, you just wanted to be in your girlfriend’s arms.

“i- what- how”

“oh go and get your girl, you sap!”

the arena had already started to empty, so you found the nearest staircase you could making your way through the crowds of people still in your navy blue sparkly leotard and your slides. you smile getting bigger as you edged closer to being back in your blondes arms.

saying a hello and giving a hug to your parents as they congratulate you and told you how proud of you they were as you could see alessia stood waiting for you to get to her.

finally your mum let go of hugging you pushing you lightly towards your girlfriend, you sinking into her arms as you held onto the blonde tightly as if, if you let go she would be gone forever.

“i’ve missed you so much baby” alessia whispered into your hair as she placed a kiss on the top of your head. you couldn’t find the words to say to her, you had to much to say but nothing would come out of your mouth.

“i- how are you here? i swear you were in ibiza this morning when you called?” you looked up to her as her hands rested on your shoulders, as your were still wrapped around her torso.

“i’ve been here since last night, my flight was supposed to be this morning but i got an earlier one just so i could make it here” alessia explained but you were still confused as even though you only saw her in what looked to be the background of a hotel, you still remember seeing ella on the facetime call — so how was that possible?

“but you were with ella this morning?” you questioned, a slight crease in your forehead as a confused look took over your face.

“she’s in paris too, so is mary cause she’s just moved to psg” alessia continued explaining, you humming along but not having a clue about football but you knew that psg was a football team but that was about it.

“well i’m glad your here!”

“you didn’t really think i would miss the chance to watch my girlfriend compete in her first olympics!” alessia questioned as you rolled your eyes playfully. “and seeing you in this is a bonus too” the blonde held a cheeky smile as she looked down towards the stoned navy blue leotard you were wearing.

you slapping her chest lightly as she acted false hurt, you were stood face to face with your girlfriend and the one thing you wanted to do was plant your lips on hers, but you couldn’t not when there was stray eyes around.

not knowing who had a camera, and while you didn’t care about what media had to say. you didn’t want to be headlining at your first olympics for that reason if you could help it.

your parents had already left, you were meeting them for dinner later on in the day. “c’mon” you pulled your way out of alessia’s hold before dragging her down the stairs her hand held tightly in yours.

small complaints by the blonde that she was gonna fall, which didn’t surprise you, as you led her back down the tunnel in the arena and towards the small changing room where the rest of your team was.

you stopped once you were in the tunnel, allowing alessia’s arm to have a break as she’d been complaining you were gonna pull it out its socket, you were no where near she was just being dramatic.

you turned to look at the blonde as she placed her arms round your shoulder, there being a slight height difference between the two of you. she obviously being the taller one, only by a few inches though.

“forgot to tell you how proud i am of you” alessia smiles as you could feel your cheeks going darker. something about anyone telling you how proud they were of you always had an affect on your heart but her telling you was enough to make your knees weak.

the two of you had stopped again, this time you were only a mere few meters from the changing room, “my little olympian” her breath fanned warm over your lips as her face was inches away from you as she had backed you up against the wall.

you had been craving this moment, you had been away from her for so long but a need was now blooming deep inside your bones. a need to be pressed flush against her.

“kiss me then” you said a little bossy as you could feel her teasing you with how not only your bodies where but also how close your lips were.

alessia smirked slightly, bending her head and using her hand that has crept up to rest on your neck to pull you in and close her mouth over yours. the kiss was soft and slow, a gentle drag of her lips over yours. the sweet and languid stroke of her tongue when you opened your mouth and angled in closer.

the tips of her fingers grazed your jaw and then she was cupping your cheeks as your back was now pushed so you were leant completely against the cold wall in the corridor. tugging lightly at your bottom lip before returning to kiss you.

heat tricked thick like honey down your spine, your hands fisting the material of her expensive white top as you tugged her impossibly closer before you wound your arms around her waist.

you didn’t want to stop kissing her. you wanted to stay in the moment forever, you wanted to keep swallowing the sound she was making low in her throat until you were dizzy off it.

“i’ve found her!” you both pulled back as you glared at your teammates as she stood in the door way clearly on her way to find you but not needing to go as far as she thought, a teasing smile resting on her face.

alice had dragged you back into the changing room telling you to hurry as most of the girls were ready and that they were just waiting on you.

pecking alessia’s lips quickly you reluctantly left her hold, dawdling into the changing room to get changed alessia following close behind you.

alessia had been talking with the girls as a catch up while you got changed coming back out in shorts and a little top while represented how hot it currently was in paris.

your girlfriend sat in your cubby, you found a seat on her lap. alessia hands immediately finding there place on your lower back and thighs rubbing small circles in your thighs as she smiled at you, your teammates finishing up getting ready for the coach trip back to the olympic village.

"are you here for the entire comp?" you asked alessia as she grinned nodding her head, you pressing another kiss to the blondes lips as you heard the gags come from your teammates.

turning your head you see the teasing sickening look on the girls' face doing it just to wind you up. you rolling your eyes at them. "abi, ruby cover your ears for a second!" alice said as you sighed knowing she was going to say something she definitely shouldn't.

"thank god for them anti-sex beds in the village!" alice snickered as you flipped her off turning your attention back to your blonde lover whose hands had not left your lower back as she traced small patterns.

alessia sat with a smug smile on her face too, "she's so annoying" you grumbled resting your head on alessia's shoulder.

"good job we don't need a bed.." alessia trailed off as she whispered in your ear, your face going bright red as she kissed your cheek, her lips lingering near your skin for a split second before she whispered "i love you, and i'm so proud of you!"

[sexydoffyman]

day 27 - OBSESSIVE

König

navigation

genre: smut, yandere

mdni

a/n: I often forget that there are a few people who wait for me to post and I wanna apologise to these people. I don't know what got into me, but I hope that I'll be able to post everyday soon.

p.2

Everyone respects him, including you. He is a great fighter and his frame builds up fear in anyone who doesn't know him. He's a great soldier, but even the greatest soldiers have secrets. He has been trying his best to make sure his secret is never exposed.

What was his secret? It wasn't as much of a secret as a "weak spot". It sounds reasonable that a soldier would want to hide that, but his weak spot wasn't a part of the body or a fear.

It was you.

He would do anything to get you to himself. Of course, he was very aware that this might cause him problems later on. The soldier side of him was thinking about how unethical would it be to date a fellow team member. The human side of him was thinking that enemies could use you to get intel out of him. But he was thinking about how he wouldn't be able to get his eyes off you.

He was like a little boy watching his favourite dinosaur toy in the box, knowing he'd get punished if he played with it. He couldn't get his feelings into his work life. But holy shit, how hard was it for him to resist.

He knew he needed to fulfil some of his desires, or else he'd just be distracted all the time. He found a way to get you out of his mind. And even tho he knew it was rather unethical, he proceeded with his plan anyway.

You were in the canteen of the base, where you were ordered to stay until the next mission. Suddenly, you felt like someone was watching you. It would be pretty normal in such a crowded place. But you started to get that feeling everywhere.

Weirdly König started to look more focused during the missions. What a weird coincidence.

At this point, he has jerked off to you just doing some paperwork multiple times. Despite his size, he managed to hide very well. Then, a problem occurred. Just stalking you wasn't enough. He wanted and needed more.

He started watching you sleep. He started giving you little secret messages. He'd bring you snacks, still making sure you never figured out it was him.

He even managed to sneak into your closet. He watched you change. He watched you do your normal routine.

He watched you please yourself.

He was crazy for you. He still wanted more. He knew he needed to man up and tell you himself. Unfortunately, he was afraid of rejection. He just stuck to watching your every move. He wanted to make you his one day.

He was sweaty in your small wardrobe. He barely fit. His dick was in his hands. He was thinking about you on his dick instead of his hand. He wanted you to please yourself for him.

He wanted to touch you, but he made sure he stayed still. One wrong move, and he'd be exposed. He felt high with your body out for him to see like that. He wanted to please you himself once.

He wanted to see a ring on your finger in the future.

He needed to kiss you. He was holding himself back from getting out of the wardrobe. He wanted to get out and kiss you. He wanted to help you with his hands. He wanted to lick you up.

He wanted to touch your smooth skin. He wanted to pin you down to the bed. He wanted you laying tired in his arms after he fucked the absolute shit out of you. He was annoyed that he wasn't allowed to yet. He was impatient.

Sight wasn't enough anymore.

It didn't matter if you'd like him back or if he'd have to use force. He'd make sure you're his.

a/n: Honestly, I feel like this needs p2. Let me know if you're interested.

[asarajaa]

Hiii, can i request for wally angst?? I want read some his angst buttt not because his gone ykwim, but because of love/romantic angst

Hii, yes Ofc! Sorry for all the time that I’ve spend without answering, I’ve been focused in academics and stuff 💗💗

Warnings: fem!reader, angst romance, forbidden love (?) Words: 1291 Disclaimer: English isn't my first language so I apologise for any mistakes or misunderstandings!

Wally and You, You and Wally, it meant the same thing. Since you were kids, you both have…developed an atraction towards each other, but not like everyone knew.

Wally, obviously, was an speedster like his uncle Barry, aka the Flash, and was an Speed Force user. You, on the other hand…well, all that I can say is that you have this peculiar gift.

You could steal someone’s or something’s cinetic energy. That was your gift. And you’ve been okay with that all your life, until your mentor introduced you to Barry and Wally when both of you were 13 years old.

Wally’s powers and yours were like if they almost repelled. When he got near you, your powers unconsciously saw his as an never ending buffet, taking and taking his energy even if you didn’t want to, which lead to Wally losing slowly but securely the speed of his Speed Force. You didn’t know how to stop taking and he didn’t know how to stop allowing you to take it.

It’s sure to say that this broke the two 13 years old kids hearts, having to stay away from each other even tho they knew they were soulmates, or as much of a soulmate would have a 13 year old.

With the pass of time, you both learned to control it but only a few moments. The record was 62 minutes, you tested it 3 month ago, but it ended with Wally almost passed out in your bed and you vibrating with a crazy hot temperature by all of the energy you received.

The logical decision would be to simply stop seeing each other, but they couldn’t do that, how could they? They knew each other from tip to toe, things about each other that no one else knew.

With that stubbornness, you’ve made thousands of FaceTimes and Calls that went for hours. No matter how many times Barry or your mentor tried to reduce your interactions for your own well being, they didn’t succeed in anything and always ended up with an overly tired Wally and an exaggerated energetic you.

At night, when Wally would come to your room to meet with you, you guys would forget about anything and anyone. He would just sit on your bed and wrap your stood up figure with his arms, around your waist while his forehead rested on your stomach, your hand running through his messy red hair.

Those nights, things would get complicated. But not because you would do things, no, but because you would learn about the others souls. You would talk about life crisis, you would cry, mourn, laugh and get angry at each other. But it didn’t matter how many times you tried to get a s/o, you just couldn’t. None of them had ginger hair, none of them had sparkly green eyes and none of them was Wally. At the end, you would always return towards the other, always close but never close enough.

Things didn’t need to be told between you two, you just knew.

I love you. You would spell on his back when you two where laid in your bed, his face on your neck as you scratched his back, writing all the thing you couldn’t dare to say out loud.

I love you. He would show, when his pupils dilated at the very less thought about you, his green pigment being less visible as you passed your finger tips through his forehead, taking his hair out the way in a try to see them better.

You would show always how much you love each other, but not the words, never the words. Neither of you could afford it, knowing that in some minutes, you’ll have to get apart for the good of your well being, knowing that it was a promise neither of you could afford to make, knowing that for the sake of the world, you needed to be away from each other.

But God, it hurts, so, so much. You would steal glances across the room whenever you were in a hero meeting, both of your mentors standing beside each one of you, with a big warning in their eyes, message clear.

You would receive gifts from him and him from you, you would want to cry your eyes out when you’d notice how the curfew was slowly approaching, Wally’s body exposing himself as he started to move and talk slower while yours would start to be more awake and energetic.

If you decide to just be happy and love each other, you’d regret it. It would only cause pain, both of you draining until the point there wasn’t no energy in his soul and yours had too much that you couldn’t resist it.

“I would recognize you in another lifetime.” Wally murmured one night, kneeled in front of you while you were sat on your bed, Wally helping you to put your shoes on before tangling the laces.

“All of me?” You would whisper back, locking eyes with him as you felt how your body was more energetic than usual and his speak more slower.

“Entirely.” He promised “You could have green or blue eyes, I think I’d recognize you in completely different bodies.”

You just stare back at him, believing every words because you know he means it.

5 more minutes. You would beg in your head to every type of gods or divine presence you knew about.

Being careful, you put your hand on his cheek and pressed gently your forehead against his.

“In another life.” You would state in a whisper, voice shaken and with a hint of a promise.

“In another life, yes.” He would answer with a raspy voice, his fingers brushing a tear that slide through your cheek before resting his hand on one of your lower rips, where a small W was tattooed in ink and matched the tattoo of your initial in his back.

Everyone knew that you two had something, but they didn’t knew nothing, they just scratched the surface, not knowing even in the slightest about the complications of their situation.

Weeks passed and when Wally came to you room at night with a simple paire of rings and a paper for you to sign, you would take it without a second though and signed the paper without hesitation.

You never told anyone, you couldn’t. You would have to keep it a secret that would be revealed only when one of you died. When it was time to read your testament and then, and only then, your silent promise would be revealed.

Maybe, but just maybe, you could be together in another life. You could have a true wedding ceremony, with a long, white and elegant dress. Maybe Wally would cry when he saw you walking down the altar. You could travel the toward, hold hands without a limited time and accepting him with all of your might. You could even have a mix of you and him walking around your house, you could have children.

But that wasn’t this life. In this life, your love story must be a secret and you know it. You won’t see each other in a long time only for you to be a maximum of one hour together if you can.

In this life, you would have to deny him progeny, deny him for eternity. In this one, your lifetime of love didn’t need to (or more so ever couldn’t) leave any evidence.

In this life, Wally West couldn’t be yours completely, he would be more of the world than yours. But at least your shared love is true, you loved each other, and true love isn’t real unless it’s returned.

So sorry for taking so long, I’ve been busy with personal problems buttt now I think I’m back (?).

I hope you enjoyed the reading, it didn’t convince me 100% but it’s currently 2:22am so it’s the best I got.

If you wanna get tagged everytime I post something, go to my pinned post>taglist>chose the fandom you want to get tagged in!

© asarajaa — Please, do not copy, translate or reuse my work without my permission.

[deathbxnny]

☆《When someone tries flirting with you right infront of them.》☆

-----♡

A/N: I randomly thought of this and had to write smth about it. Hope you guys like it!

Summary: How hsr characters react to someone flirting with you right infront of them and making you uncomfortable.

Characters featured: Kafka, Blade, Dan Heng, Welt, Gepard, Sampo

Content: some hinted jealousy, threats of violence, fluff, uncomfortable flirting attempts(?), death threats

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread, so sorry if there are any mistakes!<33))

-----♡

》Kafka

Kafka never leaves you out of her sight and for good reason at that. She knows, how cute and adorable her little s/o is and knows better than to leave them alone anywhere. So that usually means, that people tend to get the hint and leave you alone.

But there are some people that don't get the hint or just blatantly ignore it, which is a true death wish in Kafka's eyes. She isn't the one to become out right violent though. No, there are better and more evil ways to handle the situation for her. Besides, she usually let's you handle things first on your own... until the person makes you even slightly uncomfortable. That's when she absolutely steps in.

At first, she'll try blatantly telling the person to back off in teasing, yet cold and harsh words. If that doesn't work, then she'll just start demeaning them, trying to humiliate them in the most classy and elegant way possible, without letting her sickingly sweet smile ever leave her face.

Eventually, she'll just lean forward, a couple death threats being enough to drive whoever it was away. Perhaps even just a scary glare of her eyes would be enough too.

Her hands hold onto you tightly, silently comforting you, especially if you seem upset. After the person finally leaves you alone, she checks in on you, promising to spoil you with anything you like, so you'll forget the interaction. And ofcourse, she keeps you closer, once more reminding you, that she'll always keep you safe.

And that you are hers, ofcourse.

-----♡

》Blade

Oh boy. Whoever dares it, must certainly have a death wish.

He is very possessive and protective over you. He is always holding onto you one way or another, eyes always aware of everything around you just in case. The sight of him alone is intimidating enough for anyone to dare approach you for any reason. So it's unlikely anyone would try... until someone does.

It truly baffles Blade, how this person is just able to blatantly ignore him and flirt with you right infront of him, when it's clear who you belong to. He towers over you from behind, his eyes glaring darkly at the person. Are they just extremely brave or extremely stupid? No one will ever know. Not after he makes quick work of whoever it is.

Now, he might just not become violent immideatly, knowing full well that you are his no matter what... until you become visibly uncomfortable or upset. Then it's fair game to him.

After he deals with the person, he makes sure to check in on you in his own ways, trying his best to cheer you up with whatever you want. And he'll be more affectionate with you, holding your hand and keeping you close. Whispering that you are his and no one else's, that no one is allowed to have you except for him.

Which you already know ofcourse.

-----♡

》Dan Heng

Dan Heng knows, that he isn't the most affectionate person in public. PDA is still a little difficult for him to do, but he's trying his best for you. So he usually holds you hand in his or keeps his hand on your lower back. But even so, he guesses that it might not be very obvious that you are a couple at first glance.

So when someone does try to blatantly flirt with you infront of him, he usually immideatly bluntly tells them that you are dating. Now, usually people apologise and leave quickly after... but some don't. And that really frustrates him.

He has a hard time knowing really what to do, but knows he has to make the person leave you alone. Especially if they make you visibly uncomfortable.

He tries telling them again, much harsher this time, his voice colder and more stern. And if they still don't let up, he just takes your hand and drags you away, muttering things under his breath you couldn't hear.

Once far away enough and out of the public eye, he hugs you close, whispering apologies to you, even though he didn't do anything. He keeps you closer than usual for the rest of the day, glaring at anyone who comes to close.

It's adorable honestly.

-----♡

》Welt Yang

You usually are always clinging to Welt one way or another. Whether it be your arm looped around his or your hands tightly interlocked together, you are always close. It makes you feel safe, but also shows people who you belong to.

Which is why Welt gets a little annoyed, when someone tries flirting with you on the rare time you get to just spend together and relax in-between work. There is no way someone could have confused you as anything else, other than a couple, so why can't the person just take the hint and leave already?

He doesn't want to appear as controlling or possessive, so he let's you handle it like he knows you can. But that stops once you get uncomfortable.

He sternly and bluntly tells the person that you are together and that they should leave you alone, before just walking right past them with you in tow. He is so classy and elegant when he does it, knowing full well he has nothing to worry about.

Will get flustered, if you tease him a little for it, but he'd do it again. Just for you.

-----♡

》Gepard Landau

Chances are, that everyone probably knows that you are together. You are the s/o of the Silvermaneguards Captain after all and so it's only a given that everyone knows. Especially when you two gang out together on the rare occasions he does have off days from work... but some people still try their luck anyways. And Gepard hates it.

He has appearances to uphold after all and can't act put in public because of it. He will not hesitate reminding anyone that you are together however, pulling you closer to his side, as he sternly glares at whoever it is that's bothering you or making you even slightly uncomfortable.

He won't mind letting his guards secretly handle it either for him. He may not be able to do anything too drastic, but they sure can and gladly would do so for their great captain.

Once the person leaves, he makes sure to spoil you with a nice day and anything you want, so he can see your pretty smile again. It makes everything he does worth it.

-----♡

》Sampo Koski

Sampo can't ever keep his hands off you. He is quite big on PDA and that makes it therefore very clear, who you belong to and that you're a couple. But there are ofcourse those people who either somehow don't know or just don't care, which really irritates Sampo.

But he won't show his irritation. Instead, he'll just humiliate the person, perhaps even kiss you infront of them, brag that only he can have you with a teasing tone, that has dangerous and threatening layers.

If that doesn't work, a secret, simple death threat might do the trick. And it usually does. No one makes his s/o uncomfortable on his watch. The person should be lucky, that he's in a good mood through your presence away.

He will definitely spoil you with affection and anything you want after to cheer you up. But he won't tell you, that he definitely stole that person's money to spend on you, whilst they weren't looking.

-----♡

A/N: I've been in such a mood to write stuff lately, so if you have any prompts or thoughts, please let me know~!

♡Requests are always appreciated!♡

[torutorubaby]

“...my place is... before you..”

tags: hierophilia; angst; kinda mindfuck?; sfw; worshipping; ambiguous ending;

mentions of: body and soul merging (?); blood; feminine pronouns

author's note: if you can't tell already, i have no idea how to tag this. enjoy!! this is my first fic, so kinda rough but i hope you'll enjoy. feel free to drop any criticism/feedback or ideas/suggestions in the replies. <3 p.s i don't mind dropping versions with other pronouns so just lmk!!

She admired his face wordlessly as they, caressing his hair as she laid propped up against his chest.

Satoru opened one eye as he spoke with his signature arrogant smirk. His blindfold was off, folded neatly on the bedside table beside them.

“Careful now, sweetheart, you might start falling in love.”

She smiled bitter sweetly, looking away.

“A sweet smile and sad eyes, I know that look well." He spoke, using his index finger to lift her chin up and look at him.

"Would it be so bad if I did?" She asked unsurely, her head pressing back against his chest.

His smirk faded as he stared at her, he spoke softly.

“There’s nothing wrong with it, but I doubt you would be that foolish.”

“What if I was?” She looked to him for reassurance. They had been having this on and off 'relationship'.. if you could call it that going on for months now. She just.. wanted something. Anything.

He sighed a bit, his body stiffening as his arms untangled themselves from around her.

“I care for you as well, but you know that this can’t become more. With my status as the strongest there are expectations of me, I can’t be with just anyone.”

“Just anyone?”

That hurt. Is that all he thought of her?

“Right.. of course. I apologise.”

She spoke softly, getting up off the bed. Maybe it was time for her to leave now.

He looked up at her as she got up, his eyes were filled with regret as she moved away from him.

He cleared his throat as he sat up and spoke. “You know that’s not what I meant…”

“I.. it's okay. I get it. I'm not even a sorcerer so.. it makes sense. Not good enough for it I guess.” She whispered softly, putting on her clothes.

"Yeah.. I uh.. I get it." She nodded, fixing her hair in the mirror.

Gojo sighed yet again looking at her back, his voice was still cold.

“I think it might be better if you left…”

As he felt her pull away from him, his entire body tensed up. The thought of her leaving him, he already felt his heart beating fast and it was becoming even faster. He wanted to stop her, he wanted to beg her to stay but he couldn’t, not with anything he had right now. He took a deep breath as he watched her, his eyes were sad, and full of pain.

“..just.. don’t forget about me..”

“Will you visit me?” She asked, looking back at him one last time.

His heart skipped a beat, her sudden question left him flustered for a second. He looked up at her, his gaze was still filled with pain but this time, it was also full of longing.

“..I will.” He spoke softly.

She leaned up to kiss him one last time. Satoru could only think of one thing;

“What was the point of being the strongest if he could not use that strength and influence to love and cherish his dearest?”

Satoru channeled his pure, unbridled longing and need in that kiss. This wasn't sexual or just romantic, this was beyond any words. Fuck, it even hurt really bad as he bot down on her lips, pushing and pulling, drawing blood. It was need, pure need. Like he needed her to complete his soul, needed her in the air he breathed, needed her to be the infinity that lingered on his body all the time. It was divinity. The age old tale of a god falling for a mortal.

The kiss was like none other before. It was as if they were one. It was need, it was desperation, this was divinity. He felt as if she was the missing piece. The two of them fit together like puzzle pieces, her pure essence made him feel whole. He felt as if he could breathe again, as if she had brought life back into him. He was the honored one but right now.. he saw nothing else but her. She was his need, she was his life and she was his heart.

She was the opposite of him. He was strong, she was fragile. He was tough, she was delicate. He was divine, she was.. just a girl. At this very moment, though.. all the honoured one could think about was her. He wanted his soul to merge with her, his body to belong to hers, his smell to linger around hers... He needed her like a life needs water.

He had never felt this way before, he had never experienced anything of the sort. His need for her became greater, he wanted to be with her, spend every second of his time with her. This was beyond love, beyond desire, beyond obsession, this was divinity. The two of them were opposites but together they were two pieces of a whole, he needed her, his heart needed her. He craved her, he wanted her to be with him until the end of time. He was the honored one, but right now, she was his honour.

In the intimacy and privacy of their home, of their aloneness.. He was the worshipper, she was his god.

This was love.. this was their love. The two of them were opposites who became one. She was divinity to his honour, light to his darkness. This was more than the strongest warrior could ask for, to be with her in this intimate manner.. this was his heaven. He was a god, the strongest, the honored one but with her, he was just a man.. just like everyone else.. all because of her, all because he needed her.

All the emotions she gave him, the pure essence of her being was heaven to him. In a world where he stood atop all of it, he was able to be vulnerable to her. This was his weakness, this was his flaw, this was his secret that had been exposed. He felt as if she could take away everything from him and he would give it to her in an instant. He was the honoured one but just when he was with her.. he felt as if he was the weak and she was honoured.

He almost felt ashamed of the fact that he had fallen for a mortal woman. His entire existence was built around being strong, being the strongest, being honoured but with her.. he broke every single rule he had ever made. Without even thinking, he exposed his weaknesses and his flaws to her. He gave her his secrets and his emotions, she was the only one who had been able to break the unbreakable. He was the honoured one, the one who stood above all but with her, with her alone, they were just two normal people, he was just normal.. just a man.

Satoru kneeled before, looking up at her with utter devotion and yearning even more intensely than what all the people before him felt combined. He kissed her gracious hands, wordlessly offering himself and all that he had up to her.

He was a divine being, the highest existence and yet here he was. Kneeing before her, offering himself, and everything he had up to her. She had become his goddess, his divinity, his love. With his hands wrapped around her perfect hands, he kissed them. He continued to kneel as he looked up at her with intense love and longing. He was a strong god but with her, when he was with her, he was weak, she had become all that he knew the definition of. He worshipped her. He loved her...

She kneeled down to his level, seeming instantly smaller as she was.. Her small, delicate and gentle hands cupped his cheek, looking up at him with love and care.

“What are you doing, Satoru?” She asked softly, searching his eyes for any thoughts beyond the intensity of his emotions.

“..this is where I belong.” He spoke softly, the power in his voice was gone, replaced with a soft and calm tone. This was where he belonged, before her, he had no ego in his voice and no dominance. With her, he was nothing.

“..my place is.. before you.. with you.. wherever you may be.. that’s my place, with you..” His eyes were soft, he had no other thought at the moment except his overwhelming desire for her love as well as his devotion.

[chronosdawn]

Worse - Esper!Childe x Guide!Reader

I hadn't heard of Guideverse before stumbling across this post but it sounds pacted to the brim with tropes I enjoy so here we are. If anyone reading this is more familar with guideverse than myself and is like "that's not how that usually works" just... go with it for now.

Content warnings: mentions of people being treated as weapons by governments, some obsessive behaviour.

Word count: 1.1k

Every day, you tried to tell yourself your life could be worse.

There was a time—not too long after you’d discovered your abilities as a guide—when worse had been a real possibility. You could still remember the small gray room you’d been all but marched to after your compatibility test results had come back. The painfully hard metal chair you’d had to sit in for what felt like hours as you anxiously gnawed on your nails until you tasted blood in your mouth. Unlike espers, guides usually weren’t deemed important enough to be dragged into the branch of the government assigned to manage abyss-related matters unless they chose to join. For you to be summoned like you had could only mean one thing: that you’d come up as a strong match for a high-ranking esper—the ones kept on tight leashes for the power that allowed them to protect the rest of the general populace. Or destroy, if they ever lost control.

By the time the door to the room finally opened, the lock turning with an audible click, you’d had more than enough time to paint all sorts of damning pictures of who you might be about to meet. But the person who entered was not some grizzled mountain of an individual, nor were there obvious tendrils of abyssal energy leaking from their pores.

Instead, you were greeted with a fresh-faced young man who couldn’t have been any older than you, his ginger hair cropped short and his eyes a deep twilight blue. He’d given you a boyish smile and apologised for the wait, said he was in the middle of finishing up a job on the other side of town when he’d gotten word you were waiting. Once it’d come out that you didn’t have clue what it was exactly you were waiting for, you’d finally gotten explanation.

His name was Childe, a high-profile esper—one of the infamous harbingers—and you’d come up as a near perfect match for him, which now made him your esper, and you, his guide. There had been no question of whether this was something you agreed to or not, but once you’d learned of his status, that much had made sense at least. Childe was an asset, one those in power would want to keep in play for as long as possible, and your personal freedom was a small sacrifice to pay to make that happen.

It was when you’d taken his hand at the end of your little introduction, that you’d first told yourself things could be worse—even as you’d noticed that not a single scrap of light was reflected in Childe’s eyes despite the bright strip bulbs lining the ceiling.

Life could be worse, you’d thought, the very first time you’d had to guide Childe, trying not to notice the little shuddering breath he’d let out when you’d linked both of your hands, instead focusing on driving away the traces of the abyss riddling his body, tendrils of dark rot woven through muscle and curled around bone like some sort of creeping parasite. You still couldn’t forget the way he’d looked at you once you’d finally finished, like you were the only source of light in a dark empty room.

Life could be worse, you’d told yourself, when your first pay check had come in, a salary far higher than anything you could have hoped to earn in your old job—in your old life. Childe had insisted on taking you out in the evening to celebrate, forcing you to decline an invitation from your old friends. You knew you could have asked them to come along—Childe had suggested it even, said it would be his treat—but you didn’t like the thought of mixing the two opposing parts of your life, of dragging your friends any closer to the world you’d been forced into. Nevermind that you barely saw them anymore, not when nearly every waking moment was spent with Childe or waiting for him to finish up a job.

Life could be worse, you’d tried to reassure yourself when Childe had told you the two of you had been asked—or rather ordered—to work in another country half way round the world; some international initiative designed to make sure nowhere was ever so short on espers that it could become a serious threat to human life. He’d come with you to your parents’ house to pack up your belongings, charming them with a handsome smile as he promised to take care of you while loading bits and pieces of your life into the suitcases he’d purchased for you.

Life could be worse, you’d mutter under your breath every time Childe came to you after a job, eyes a shade darker than they had been before he’d left. When he’d smear you with dirt and ichor as he forced his head into your lap, his arms locking tight around your waist. You’d lost count of how many times you’d ended up stuck in that position, only allowed to move again when you’d cleansed enough of the poison in Childe’s blood for him to regain some control over his faculties. Even then, it took more than a little persuasion for him to let you up.

It didn’t matter that the amount of contact you had with him had dramatically increased since moving to Liyue, the pretence of you having two separate rooms in your shared apartment already abandoned months ago, every night since spent with Childe curled around you in your bed. Being able to touch you helped, he’d said by way of explanation when you’d first caught him attempting to sneak under your covers in the small hours of the morning. You hadn’t been in a position to argue, especially not when the warm weight of him provided a small amount of comfort when everything else familiar was an eight-hour flight away.

Remembering what your life had been like before—before Childe, before the abyss had started to eat away at parts of you you’d taken for granted—was becoming harder and harder. The number of calls from your friends had slowed to a thin trickle, which you suspected had something to do with Childe’s looming presence over your shoulder whenever they tried to contact you. While you still spoke to you parents regularly, Childe had managed to insert himself into those conversations as well: asking your mother how to make your favourite dishes, talking with your father about his business. Sometimes it felt like they called to speak with him more than you.

It was in those moments, when you looked into the lightless depths of Childe’s eyes, that you wondered if the abyss really was the hungriest thing in the universe.

But still, you tried to tell yourself when he’d shoot you a quick smile during a lapse in conversation—a brief flash of teeth stark against the pink of his lips—things could be worse.

[z-v06instance]

" NO ONE HOME, BUT THE VOID IS LOUD " a z-v06 (pressure, roblox) ask blog

you've been in blacksite long enough to confidently say you know how this place works. you learn more and more with every painful retry of the same mission: gather the crystal. so, yes, you can confidently say you understand this place, that you know how each of the creatures that lurk the halls of blacksite function. or so you think, for in front of you sits an open locker. you've seen these lockers, infested and plagued by that sickly darkness that you can feel the gaze of lingering on you. it preys upon the ones who are more idiotic than others; the ones who see its eyes and still run to it for safety. you've seen this before - you've seen all of this before. you've looked the void in the eyes, and it has felt like death. yet here you are, looking the open locker in the eyes, waiting for the suction cups of those octopus-like tentacles to latch onto you and pull you in. yet it does not try to grab you. it does not try to harm you. it simply watches you. for the first time you call out to the void. the void answers back.

for your first visit to this blog, it is recommended that you look under the cut. please note: currently this blog is on an indefinite hiatus. i apologise.

" THE VOID BREAKS US, THEN RESHAPES US. " the following sections are ooc ;; dividers by @/saradika

📼 ⎯ hey hey heyy welcome to my lil rp askblog :3 this is like. my first askblog in 5-6 years im rusty as fuck n barely remember shit. 🎬 ⎯ im the mun, itris, but haley works too! after seeing all the pressure askblogs pop up i decided to be a so called "free thinker" and make one myself. 📼 ⎯ how old am i? what's my main? what are my pronouns? what are you, a cop? i'm not tellin' you that! (all jokes aside, i only feel comfortable answerin one of these: just use it/its or ey/em!) 🎬 ⎯ considering there's like jack shit regarding the lore of the void-mass puddles (afaik), a lot of this blog will be headcanon heavy! (..mun is also neurodivergant and that may slip through so mun is sorry if it does. muse is not intended to be neurodivergant) 📼 ⎯ english is not my first language and i have dislexia so. im so sorry if shit i say doesn't make sense or my spelling is wackers 🙏 i also make up words sometimes without realising it. i am so sorry 🎬 ⎯ i dont usually use tonetags, so ask me if you need me to clarify my tone! 📼 ⎯ aaalright i think this is enough rambling. ya think it's time for us to hop onto the actual muse info?

" PLEASE, PULL ME FROM THE VOID. " this section is about the askblog. it includes muse info, rules, and anything i think is neceserry.

* buckle in, this section may be long. as if this entire thing wasnt already longer than i intended...

BLOG INFO

🌌 ⎯ this blog will contain profanity and mentions of canon typical death/violence. other possibly triggering topics may come up along the way, so please, view this blog with caution. feel free to ask me to tag things. 🔮 ⎯ please, and i mean PLEASE, no sexual stuff (i know why some of you people like tentacles). mun isnt interested in rp-ing that. the only exception are sexual jokes as long as they don't go too far. threaten to fuck the void's mom if you want! (i am not going to question how you'd be able to do that) 🌌 ⎯ ANY interaction is fine by me! feel free to interact as any muse, whether that be an oc, another pressure character, or someone from a whole other fandom! 🔮 ⎯ feel free to claim any anons and ill make a special tag for you (if you aren't on anon ill give you one too)! i may forget to tag some posts tho so if i ever do just. lemme know LMFAO 😭 🌌 ⎯ if im uncomfortable with an ask, ill delete it. but honestly there's not really much that im against. 'nd also lemme know if i ever do somethin that makes ya uncomfortable too!! 🔮 ⎯ unless stated otherwise, anyone who sends an ask will be treated as an expendable ! :3 actually on the topic of asks pls make it clear if ur ask is towards me and not the z-v06 instance otherwise ill answer ic 😭 🌌 ⎯ im alright w/ m!a's i fucking LOVE m!a's 👍 🔮 ⎯ if i randomly stop posting one day assume the void got me.

MUSE INFO [written ic, but not as the z-v06 instance]

🔮 ⎯ this instance of z-v06 answers to anything you use to refer to it. it has no sense of identity, therefore does not have a name or pronouns. it is up to you to call it whatever you'd like. though, i'm not sure if it has the ability to care. ...note to self, see if the verbal z-v06 instance is capable of emotions and feelings. 🌌 ⎯ fascinating.. the instance you've stumbled upon appears to be showing no signs of hostility. though, i'm sure that, just like the rest of the monsters that roam blacksite, if you provoke it, it may become more violent. 🔮 ⎯ it seems to be capable of remembering things you tell it. perhaps it can remember faces too.. 🌌 ⎯ not much else can be said. i suppose you'll have to interact with it in order to find out more about it.

TAGS

( OOC )⠀ ⠀||⠀ MUN HALEY ( ANON )⠀ ⠀||⠀ UNNAMED (^ the "unnamed" will be replaced by the anon name if there is one provided) ( BLOG )⠀ ⠀||⠀ [INSERT WHATEVER BLOG NAME HERE] ( IC )⠀ ⠀||⠀ WITHIN THE VOID WE ARE UNDONE ( ASK ANSWERED )⠀ ⠀||⠀ THE VOID ANSWERS BACK

tws will be tagged as 'tw [triggering thing]'

i prolly forgot some tag ideas or whatever the word is tbh so expect this to be edited 👍

LAST EDITED: 17TH SEPTEMBER 2024

[skullwillow155]

Hi

Not much happens in this one. Just a bit of pining again moving on the chapter so I can get into the adventure, pining and maybe conflict between the 3. It may follow on from the arc or the adventure may change unsure yet. Wanted a bit of nice before I ended up writing angst etc.

If anyone maybe wants any requests or anything I could try while I try write this.

Also does anyone know where I can tag part 1 in part 2?

It is also on A03 if anyone wants to follow just incase you miss any

Chapter 2:

They had stood there for what felt like hours. In reality it wasn’t that long and they probably would have been longer but the air was getting chilly and she was shivering, becoming acutely aware of the change in temperature. Sanji had not let go even once but he was disturbed by Zoro telling him to move his ass. Zoro had been watching closely and could see Jeshika shivering and he couldn’t help but tell Sanji to move. Part of it was the cold and part of it was because he had enough of watching Sanji fawn all over her. He wouldn’t admit it but there was a feeling in the pit of his stomach and he wasn’t too sure what that was. He was just aware that he didn’t like it. He felt himself glaring at Sanji. “Move it stupid cook” Zoro shouted not seeing him move and inch, Sanji buried his head in Jeshika’s chest once more before pulling back and glaring at the swordsman. “Not got anything better to do than stare, Mosshead?” He snapped back almost wanting to smack the overbearing swordsman. “What did you say?” Zoro automatically snapped back and taking a long stride towards Sanji, getting right in his face. Sanji let go of Jeshika and started to argue back.

Jeshika’s looked at both of them as she was almost pushed gently away. The last few years had been tough but this, this somehow made it worth it. Just to see them argue; though wasn’t funny; was nostalgic. She let it go on for a little bit longer before grabbing both of their arms to get them to stop. Sanji and Zoro’s head snapped at the touch, almost forgetting she was there. Sanji immediately apologised. “I’m sorry my love...” his eyes turning to hearts before glaring momentarily at Zoro. She rubbed circles in his arm with her thumb before feeling Zoro turn to look at her. She could never read his emotions and being away from him for two years had made that incredibly harder. His eye flicked with some kind of emotion she had never seen before unable to pin point what it was.

Zoro was looking as Jeshika intently as he felt her grab his arm. He small hands barely grabbing his arm but he felt the small warmth left from her touch. He we about to speak when Sanji grabbed Jeshika and whisked her off towards the cabin. All of a sudden that warmth being replaced by blistering cold. He stood there dumbfounded just watching as she was being whisked away. Sure he knew that Jeshika and Sanji had something going on before they got separated but ever since he laid eyes on her again, he had a gnawing feeling in his chest. He shook his head slightly not wanting to explore that any further. He just put it down to anger at seeing that crappy cook. He closed his eye and sighed in frustration before making his way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of Sake. At least that’s what he told himself.

Jeshika felt herself bring whisked towards the kitchen, her hands losing grip of both the men in front of her. In that moment she was grateful as her stomach rumbled reminding her she hadn’t eaten all day due to her waiting on the deck for the 3 men to turn up.

Sanji was gripping her tightly wanting to get her away from the idiot as soon as possible. If he didn’t then he would probably still be in argument now.

As he led Jeshika to the kitchen; unable to stop touching her and complimenting her. He felt a twinge of sadness at the two years they had missed together. He would never let her go again, Luffy or the world government be damned. She was gorgeous and perfect on every way and it ate him up inside that he couldn’t see her beauty. He wasn’t about to let her out of his sight. As he directed her to the kitchen he took in every detail of her. Drinking her in. The way her hips and chest had filled in a lot more made his face blush and his nose bleed ever so slightly. He appreciated her beauty before but this was more. He gripped on her tightly noticing a few scars that run up her back. He didn’t like to see her get hurt and it broke his heart to see her perfect skin tarnished. He swears under his breath wanting to find out what happened. He made a mental note to ask later when they were alone. How he hoped they’d be alone soon. He ran his thumb over the small of her back and lead her to sit down on the kitchen. He kissed her cheek before being pulled away by Luffy who was beginning to get hungry too.

He sighed, not really minding his Captain shouting meat constantly. He rolled his eyes lit up a cigarette and begrudgingly left her sat at the table with Nami, Chopper and Robin Going smoothly back into his role as though he hadn’t been gone two years. With one more glance to make sure Jeshika was OK. He wiped the blood from his nose, washed his hands and prepared them all a wonderful meal. In the corner of his eye he could see green hair walking into the kitchen and making a beeline for the alcohol. “Same old mosshead” he glared trying not to turn his head to look at him. Instead focusing on the task at hand. What he didn’t see was Zoro taking a seat next to Jeshika and offering her a glass of Sake.

Everyone else is enjoying being back together telling some stories of what happened all the while Jeshika was just taking in her surroundings. Looking everyone individually and seeing all the changes that had occurred. Her eyes constantly glittering before Zoro and Sanji. She happily took the Sake, and stayed uncharacteristically quiet. She was using this time to soak everything back up and get used to the feeling of not being alone and being with her crew. Her eyes lingered on Sanji as Zoro’s eye briefly lingered on her and she wondered what there relationship would be like now. Sanji seemed the same with her but she knew the time away was long.

She felt Zoro’s eye on her and raised an eyebrow. He looked away quickly but she could have sworn there was a pink tint to his cheeks. She brushed it off before drinking down her Sake and listening to everyone.

As the night wore on and she got increasingly more drunk and tired, her eyes grew weary. She was happy. She again could faintly hear laughter and arguing through her foggy mind. She drifted off to sleep feeling someone pick her up and carry her to bed.

[xelasrecords]

All That Glitters

Han Jumin x OC

Jumin Week 2024 - Day 3: Green Daylily (Romantic Love, “The Flower That Helps Forget Sorrows”) @juminweek2019

All that glitters is not gold. An arranged marriage brings out the worst in Aecha and Jumin, and witnessing him fall for someone he can’t have may just be her tipping point.

A/N: I’ve tried to break the cliché of a cheater being just bad in Wedge the Knife Under My Skin, now this is my shot at humanising the gold-digger stereotype. Jumin as perceived by a resentful wife trapped in a marriage she doesn’t want may not be the Jumin you know. I humbly ask you to withhold your judgement and see it from her eyes.

TW: self-harm

Words: 5.4k

Masterlist Read on AO3

Aecha thought she could do this. Jumin was hers, but he could not belong to her, could not, could not, could NOT!—

She was sometimes a simpleton but not a deranged young woman. Breathe in, then out. Slipped her hand beneath her metallic dress that parted at her leg and twisted the skin on her thigh.

She was good and entertaining and desirable.

Aecha parted the masses and conversations halted. Her beauty glimmered and cloistered the useless watchers. Not only known as someone’s wife, her position in her company was just as important in this event. Businesses relied on hers to function, so Aecha could seamlessly negotiate winning deals and blackball distasteful people as she saw fit.

She headed to her husband. Jumin raised his champagne at her and smiled. Only she could see how insincere the smile was.

He never liked her enough to bestow her any semblance of authenticity.

No, that was her. A solemn, porcelain-faced her.

Jumin stared at the back of the woman’s head when she turned to thank the waiter and Aecha nearly broke. His naked yearning was embarrassing and she felt the urge to apologise to anyone who caught him. When a bald man approached him, Aecha intercepted and went on about nice, irrelevant things like the doltish young lady she decided to be.

I’m sorry, my husband is occupied. Partner? What business partner? Come on, don’t be boring. Leave your work at the office and drink! Here, take mine.

He spun the champagne glass in his hand and drank where her lipstick had stained its rim.

Aecha giggled and covered her lips while looking down at the marble flooring. The violet lights were giving her a headache. Fucking gaudy. People these days liked to use flashing colours as a theme instead of acting like it was a proper formal event.

Was Jumin staring? Of course he was. And he was coming, Lord save her.

Jumin rounded his arm around her waist and kissed her head. It meant nothing and Aecha felt nothing. She used all her strength not to lean away when he ruined her sleek, freshly cut bob and embraced him. Over his shoulder, she did a quick sweep for another sighting of the woman, but she couldn’t find her.

That was how it started. At a gala dinner, a married businessman sought a reprieve through a fleeting conversation with a woman as small as an easily crushed bird. He was entranced ever since. His wife couldn’t blame him, for she was also a wraith in their marriage. A chasm was where she looked, and this might be her best plunge yet.

*     *     *     *     *

Jumin had been gripping his phone tightly. Whether he was waiting for her to text back or deciding to send the first text, Aecha couldn’t be arsed. She just wanted him to stop bothering her peace with his pacing.

She slammed her book shut. “Would you be so kind as to fucking sit down and overthink quietly?”

Jumin scowled at her, but Aecha didn’t bristle. Gone were the days when she had to be timid in front of him. Jumin was not as powerful as everyone thought. He couldn’t even break out of his marriage. “You complain when the house is too quiet, yet you berate me when I endeavour to make this space livelier. I can’t get anything right.”

Aecha crossed her legs and studied her glistening nails with a breezy disinterest. “The brunette looked like your taste.”

While they did have an agreement to be able to see other people as long as it was discreet, the reality of it rattled Aecha more than she liked to admit. It was not jealousy she felt. She hated that Jumin won in this game of misery, that he had found a raft to tide over his loneliness while she had to drown alone.

Jumin sighed. “I only conversed with her because she and I share a similar view on certain subjects.”

“Like wanting her mouth around your cock,” she said. “Did you manage to sneak off for a quick fuck in the closet?”

“You are dreadful when something is not to your liking.” Jumin’s face twisted in disgust. He was only this expressive when they were alone. All that wasted media training. His childhood tutor would be disappointed. “I apologise that you had to deal with unpleasant associates on my behalf, but it’s been a long day. Do postpone your vitriolic statements. No one has the patience to deal with your tantrums all the time, Aecha.”

She held her hands up in mock acquiescence. “I only have one request: do not fuck her in the master bedroom. Take the one downstairs if you’d like.”

Jumin seemed to be calculating something before he sat beside her and placed her book on his lap. “If I ever brought anyone home as you apparently wish, perhaps I should do it in the bedroom beside ours. You could take notes on being more delightful in bed.” He smiled, but it made him look all wrong. Too crude and cruel for his elegant countenance.

Aecha patted his cheek, hot derision burning against her chest. “It says more about your dirt-poor standard that you still want to sleep with me if you’re this dissatisfied.”

“You’re within reach.” Jumin shrugged. “But I assure you, that won’t happen anymore.”

The jab didn’t land as he expected. Aecha was well-acquainted with the extent of his obsession with a mere cat, so she shuddered to think of being on the receiving end as a person.

“You’re a boring fuck too, Han Jumin. I just had to make do with what I had.”

Jumin let out an audible scoff and Aecha seized her book. At least he had a good mind not to crease the pages.

*     *     *     *     *

Let bygones be bygones.

Their squabbles never lasted more than a few days, but still, sharing a bed with Jumin was ridiculous. Aecha didn’t know why they never separated despite the many available rooms in this penthouse. Perhaps sleeping with someone you loathed was better than no one at all.

The harsh glow from Jumin’s phone washed over his face as his fingers tentatively danced across the screen. His facial features were worth the applause, she had to admit. As beautiful as a forbidden painting, as empty as a forgotten memory. No wonder the brunette was drawn to him. Jumin was a mystery to be solved and opposition would only drive her further into his arms.

“I can’t sleep with your phone light,” protested Aecha.

“You can turn the other way,” Jumin replied without a glance at her. “Elizabeth the Third is sleeping soundly, see?”

The white cat, curled like a doughnut between them, peeked through her eyelids. Aecha stroked her fur and she purred, dozing off again. “Have you met her again?”

Jumin’s fingers froze while a new message popped up on his phone. How would that woman feel if she knew he was lying side by side with his wife as he flattered her? She must know about Aecha’s existence. Their wedding was highly publicised.

But Aecha couldn’t judge her for trying to hold on to a strand of flimsy hope. It happened to the worst of them. She hadn’t been strong enough to resist the temptation either.

“Yes.” The word scraped against Jumin’s throat. “Have you taken your melatonin?”

He was always trying to get rid of her. “I want to take more than the prescribed dosage,” she said.

“You wouldn’t want to relieve the experience of your stomach being pumped. Neither do I.” He pulled the duvet up Aecha’s neck and folded the corner into a neat rectangle. “So save us the medical trouble and go to sleep. Tomorrow will be a better day.”

“For you, maybe.” She suppressed her surprise that Jumin noticed her shivering. “You finally found a toy to distract yourself, but it’s hell for me every day.”

“You should have acclimatised yourself to this by now.” Jumin looked down at her with a pity that bordered on condescending. Aecha wanted to scratch it off his face.

She nodded at his phone and he turned the screen away. “You’re like a little kid with a candy dangled right above him,” she said, “but you’re too short, too powerless, to reach it.”

“She is a human being, not a candy or a toy. Get your facts straight.”

“You’re stupid for someone so smart.”

Jumin let out a long-suffering sigh. “Now who’s acting like a child?”

That was enough reaction. As long as Jumin was still useful, Aecha couldn’t annihilate him, but she could prick him with little poisons every day. She might have been sold off to him for the betterment of her father’s company, but she would not be delivered meek.

Aecha curled into a foetal position, eyes trained on him with resolve. It was self-flagellation to a degree; rage broiled inside her whenever she caught his genuine smile. She wanted, for once, to be on the receiving end of that smile. Jumin never seemed to enjoy his conversations with her, and she was always incensed or numbed by the end of them.

It wasn’t that she wanted to be loved by him per se. She thirsted for the acknowledgement that she was worth loving and capable of reserving romance despite everything that made her a monster. It offended her that Jumin never even tried to weigh her worth and turn this marriage into a real thing. One look at her and he detested her with the kind of resentment that didn’t fade with age.

Aecha knew that her sheer existence was a nuisance for Jumin. But if not her, who? Who else could save him from his mess? It wasn’t her fault that he didn’t put up a fight when Chairman Han trapped him into marrying her. C&R was suffering and Jumin was even more so. Aecha put the fire back inside Jumin when no one could. He had been a ghost of a person after his best friend disappeared. Now he was often irritated at her instead of walling off his emotions. Now he was someone to a nobody.

But affairs never ended well and Aecha was not planning to let go. She anticipated their doom with the giddiness of a child watching a car explode.

*     *     *     *     *

They were strolling in the sweltering heat, cloaked under the pretence of two lovers having a romantic date at the park. Aecha swerved when a teenager was cycling at them full force and pulled Jumin out of the way.

Posture was a good excuse to do something nice. Aecha didn’t want to forget how to be generous. That was a fitting practice.

Jumin thanked her and held her hand as they passed the glint of a camera behind the bushes. Aecha almost squirmed. Damp, sweaty hands were the bane of her existence. Jumin squeezed her hand in warning and she rolled her eyes.

“You never give me flowers when we’re having an outing,” Aecha said as they saw a man surprising another man with a bouquet. “Send me some if you want to maintain your image. We’ve come too far to generate false rumours about our divorce.”

“There are many ways to show affection without flowers.” Jumin’s attention was on a kid licking her ice lollies. “I wonder how the taste of that frozen stick differs from a gelato.”

“Artificial.”

Jumin turned to her in shock. “You have tried it?”

“I’m not as out of touch with commoners as you.” Aecha huffed. “The employees appreciate it more when you can understand their culture.”

“I shall take note of your practice.”

When Aecha caught a whiff of another bed of roses, she got annoyed that her mission was side-tracked. “Send me flowers, Jumin. Or is that something reserved for your side chick?” Aecha knew she was shattering their fragile peace, but she couldn’t help it. Her bitterness always came out before she could stop herself. “Her sad face is charming to lonely boys, I’ll give you that. Makes you want to save her, doesn’t it?”

Frustration flashed across Jumin’s expression, but he swallowed it. Jumin never lost his temper, not even when they were not being watched. If she was a cannonball, he was an impenetrable fortress. She couldn’t elicit an explosive reaction no matter how hard she tried.

It didn’t mean Aecha would stop trying though. One hole in the wall was all it needed to break him down.

“Keep her out of our date.” Jumin texted his assistant before slipping his phone into his pocket. “A bouquet will be delivered to the penthouse tomorrow. I expect it will be sufficient if you post it on your socials.”

“I thought we had a scheduled lunch with your father tomorrow.”

“I’ve called it off until further notice,” said Jumin. “I think we can both agree that none of us is eager to talk to him.”

“He’s not mad?”

“I’ve held up my bargain as a prized son. He’s already tied me to you. He should not expect anything more.” Jumin’s jaw was set. “Would you like to set our picnic here?” He gestured at the plain grass.

Aecha didn’t have an affinity for the great outdoors. Insects made her antsy and the sweat that dripped down her back and diluted her perfume were very far from her definition of a perfect date. The public demanded a lot of things from her.

She stood at the edge of the stone path as Jumin laid out the picnic rug. Knowing she had to play her part, Aecha cautiously knelt on the cloth and fished out the various pastries the chef had packed, arranging them neatly on the plates.

“Would you fetch a book for me?” Aecha asked as they dug into their croissants. “I’ve been eyeing the first edition of Anna Karenina, but I can’t find it anywhere.”

“You have a competent assistant. Utilise him.”

She didn’t know how, or why, but Jumin had a knack for making her feel small. She didn’t know what to expect from him or how far his niceties extended. “Do you really hate me that much?”

Jumin stared at her impassively, his tone bored. “Don’t pretend as if you loved me more than my money.”

The photographer was holding up his camera, so Aecha leaned forward and brushed off the crumbs from Jumin’s lips. “I never did.”

It was more complex than that, but he would never understand.

Aecha yelped when a tomato fell out of her croissant onto her skirt. She hated everything about today’s faux date. Jumin almost offered her a tissue, but he paused and shifted closer to remove the stain himself.

Aecha desperately wished this nearness made her heart thump. Their arrangement would’ve been so much easier if they could learn to fall in love with each other.

Aecha was a tortured wife, but she lived a fate worse than Anna Karenina’s. At least Anna found the will to break free and left all the wretchedness behind, but Aecha would never seize that chance.

She hated herself the most for it.

*     *     *     *     *

Well, there was a bouquet on her bedside table.

Supposed it was gorgeous. Supposed she didn’t know what these particular flowers meant because she never fell in love with a flower connoisseur who was always excited to teach her the language of flowers and never had to leave him for money. Supposed she never got tangled in her sister’s hospital debt and her father’s company wasn’t on the verge of bankruptcy.

She quashed the image of the man in her mind without mercy. It had been years ago, and she thought she might have loved him then. He was kind and loving and had no business of knowing what Aecha had become. A public figure on the news was all she had to be to him.

Aecha plucked out a stem from the bouquet. Green daylily. It should have been the romantic sort, but Aecha would not subscribe to its meaning of forgetting the pain from the past and present. She would hold on to the thorny memories. She wouldn’t have survived this marriage otherwise. Sometimes to stay alive meant to torture yourself with your kindest ghosts.

And how could she forget the very life she was living? Not a day went by without Jumin reminding Aecha what true sadness was. She wanted to be angry at Jumin’s assistant for getting the wrong flowers, but it was nobody’s fault, she knew. Her fury was really just loneliness was really just disappointment and guilt directed at herself.

Her choice brought her here. Her loyalty to her family cost her Jumin’s friendship and genuine love from someone, anyone.

Both of them would have suffered less in this marriage if they had been able to forge even the barest connection. Who, aside from Jumin, could understand her plight exactly? They were trapped in this together. They were supposed to turn to each other when hope eluded them. Jumin was as lonely as her, and no amount of wine and luxury for Elizabeth the Third could mask his emptiness from her.

They had never laughed together, Aecha realised, despair writhing in her gut. There were sarcastic chuckles and conceited smirks and plastic smiles, but never laughter that made them double over while clutching their stomachs. She hadn’t expected love to be on the table when she entered this marriage, but she had thought at least happiness could be within reach.

Aecha choked back a sob. She had turned her life over to Chairman Han and sentenced herself to a lifetime indenture. She couldn’t predict what she would do if her sister ever woke up. She wasn’t sure she would be happy with what Aecha had done.

But she didn’t need to approve of Aecha, she just needed to wake up.

Aecha captured a photo of the daylilies and posted it on her socials. Not a second later, comments of awe and support flooded her inbox.

Aecha was so lucky to have such a rich and loving husband. She received a surprise bouquet from a busy director while their husbands couldn’t even bother to take them out for dinner.

They had seen the pictures from her park date. How sweet, how romantic. Proof that if you were truly committed to your partner, you would carve out the time to be with them.

Aecha wanted to carve out her throat.

She turned off her phone, lay down and stared at the ceiling. She was so, so lucky.

*     *     *     *     *

“Why green daylilies?” Aecha asked as Jumin walked through the front door well into midnight. His black hair was dishevelled and his cufflinks were gone. She didn’t have to wonder where he had been. “I’ve never told you my preference.”

Jumin shot her a pointed glance. “Exactly.”

No surprise there. He didn’t bother remembering that she had a vase of irises in her study.

But Aecha was in a better mood tonight, so she decided to play nice. “They died on that same day, but I liked them when they were alive. Thank you.”

Without turning on the light in their walk-in closet, Jumin pulled off his tie and placed it on the island. Aecha noticed a lipstick smudge on the tie when she aligned it with the watch partition below the glass top. She imagined the other woman blindfolded and eagerly anticipated Jumin’s touch. A kiss here, a bite there.

What did it say about her character if the thought didn’t rankle her at all?

Aecha’s sex with Jumin was never adventurous. It was solely to satiate the thirst when they only had each other to turn to. They had agreed that searching outside their marriage was an awful waste of time and a gateway to a publicity nightmare.

“If you would like, I could arrange it with the florist so you’ll receive a bouquet each week.” Jumin was also nice today. A satisfying fuck could do that to someone.

“That’s not necessary.” Aecha shrugged. “How is she doing?” There was no hatred in her voice, only curiosity. She truly was baffled at how someone could enrapture Jumin so completely that he had been sparse in his appearance in his own house.

Jumin stiffened as though waiting for the next blow, and only slumped slightly when her jab didn’t come. “Nothing good can come out of this, you know that. She gains nothing and has everything to lose.”

“You also have a lot to lose,” Aecha said with a gentleness that sounded foreign to her ears. Strangely enough, she pitied the state they had put themselves in.

“I am hurting her.”

“You hurt a lot of people.”

“I know.” Jumin dipped his head, and it hit her that his exhaustion was more than a good fuck. His eyes were ringed with dark circles and his shoulders appeared to be weighted down. He had also been like this in their first year of marriage.

“Does she make you happy?” Aecha asked.

“Yes.”

“Does that make you unhappy?” she asked again.

Jumin’s breath trembled as he exhaled. “Yes.”

Aecha glanced down at the ticking watches locked in the glass island, relentlessly marching forward without an end destination. “Then I feel sorry for you.”

Jumin shook his head. “Don’t be. You bear the most pain of them all.” He covered her hand with his and the diamonds on their wedding rings clinked. “Don’t presume I didn’t know the origin of your rage.”

Aecha’s hand balled into a fist. Jumin was giving her too much empathy and it felt like she was stripped to the flesh and forced to bleed before him. “Stop assuming accountability. Your knowledge won’t change anything. I chose to marry you for myself.”

“Right.” Jumin leaned against the island casually. “How’s your sister?”

Aecha looked away. The closet suddenly felt too dark and imposing. “You wouldn’t see me here if she had woken.”

“I can accompany you to the hospital on your next visit.”

She drew her hand out of his grasp. The moment was over. “No.”

Aecha had tried her best to separate her sister from this world. Her innocent, pliable little sister would be easily mangled by the vultures here. Aecha was the older one, so she should take all the knives thrown at her.

No one touched her sister. Not even her husband who was sometimes lucid enough to be nice.

Aecha grabbed a pair of fresh pyjamas on the way out and flung them at Jumin. He caught them with his face, which just meant that he had shit coordination. “Take a shower before you sleep,” she said. “You reek of her.”

*     *     *     *     *

“Jumin, did you see my toothbrush?” Aecha yelled from the bathroom.

“It must have been thrown away by the housekeeper!” Jumin shouted back.

“For fuck’s sake,” she grumbled. A quick rummage through the cabinets presented no spare toothbrushes, so she wrapped a towel around her body and exited the bathroom. “Do you have any idea where she stocked it?”

Jumin was stroking a sleepy Elizabeth the Third on the bed, lying on his side. “I’m afraid not.”

Aecha put her hands on her hips. “How can you not know?”

“The last time I recalled, you’re also an occupant of this house.”

“Housekeeping is not my territory. You have a big brain, use it.”

“It’s not mine either.” Elizabeth the Third sneezed and Jumin chuckled with endearment. Aecha never got to be at the receiving end of that laugh. “And my brain is normal-sized. I just had a health check-up.”

“Then who should I ask?”

The answer came to Aecha right after she spoke. At the same time, they called out, “The butler.”

She scoffed and the side of Jumin’s mouth quirked up.

“I don’t have their number. I’ve never even seen their face,” Aecha said.

“Me neither. All forms of communication are made between Assistant Kang and them.”

“Care to help me find my toothbrush then?” Aecha asked impatiently. When Jumin didn’t budge, she re-entered the bathroom, dunked his toothbrush into the toilet bowl, and thrust it at him with a winning smile. “Look, you need a new toothbrush too. It travelled into the toilet on its own.”

Jumin’s eyes followed the water dripping down the toothbrush. “You just ruined a perfectly good cashmere rug.”

“It will be the next thing that travels into the toilet if you don’t move.”

Jumin levelled Aecha a glare that would’ve made everyone else cower, but she simply raised her brows. He grunted. “We can check the storage room.”

“Perfect.” She tossed the toothbrush into the bin and clapped her hands, then winced at the thought of splashing bacteria onto her skin. “Right after I wash my hands. Where is the storage room?”

“You have lived here for years, yet you still don’t know such a simple fact?”

Aecha shook her head with confidence.

“I don’t either.” Jumin kissed the top of Elizabeth the Third’s head and stood up. “Let’s find the mysterious room, shall we?”

*     *     *     *     *

It took them an embarrassingly long time to spot the storage room. In Aecha’s defence, it was located at the very end of the hall on the first floor where she had no reason to venture to. Jumin just thought she was always holed up in the library when she was not working. What was she supposed to do? Supervise the housekeepers around the clock? He could do it himself if he were so inclined.

To Aecha’s surprise, the room was remarkably tidy and spacious. She had been envisioning spider webs and broken bulbs; she should find the time to meet their house staff and thank them.

Aecha immediately scoured the room, pulling out drawers and opening boxes with determination. Jumin followed suit in a more curious fashion, flipping through files and looking into the washing carts with childlike fascination.

She paused. Jumin rarely showed this side of him to her. In fact, their recent exchanges had been bizarre. They fought, not banter.

What was happening to them?

“Did you get struck by lightning?” Aecha wondered aloud. “You’re easy to talk to these days.”

The scuffling from Jumin’s direction stopped and she turned around. “My—she suggested I treat you better, and she was right.” His smile was sad. “I have been cold to you even when you didn’t do anything wrong. My sincere apologies.”

He wasn’t standing far from her, but this was the farthest she felt from him.

Jumin couldn’t be told to do anything, barring this marriage. Jumin was obstinate and held a grudge towards women like her. Tolerating materialistic women was not in his nature, so the fact that he was changing merely because of—what, love?—was unacceptable. If he could change this much this fast, the woman could very well command him to do more drastic things.

“I didn’t know I was up for discussion. Doesn’t she hate me for being a hurdle to your eternal love?” Aecha couldn’t contain the bitterness in her tone.

“She understands this isn’t the ideal situation for any of us.”

“How saintly of her.” Aecha sneered. “What’s next? You promising her that this won’t be forever and asking her to wait as you find a way out?” She was picking at her nail bed with so much force that she felt a trickle of blood sliding down her thumb. When she wished for a disaster to befall Jumin and that woman, she didn’t mean to be the fallout. “Newsflash, you don’t get to divorce me. I will never accept it.”

Aecha’s hospital debt was building up at a rate that she wouldn’t be able to keep up with if it weren’t for Jumin, and the stability of her father’s companies relied on him.

She hated feeling powerless, but she had to do her part to save her family. It was the one thing she could do right in.

Jumin approached her with the caution of startling a feral cat. “I would never ask it of you,” he said. Another sentence spoken with kindness. Aecha loathed to hear it. “I’m aware of the consequences you would face.”

“Are you fucking with me? Drop the noble act,” she hissed. “She’s just one person. You don’t get to trade her for everything we’ve built. Our families wouldn’t cooperate if we split. Stocks will fall and the board will drive me out.”

Aecha knew she was far from being a favourite among the shareholders. The only reason they tolerated her was because of her relationship with Jumin. She couldn’t be seduced and tended to bulldoze over stupid, backward, outdated opinions. Her impressive performance didn’t matter when she couldn’t be moulded to their liking.

“I’m not going to divorce you. I also have my responsibilities.” Jumin massaged the crease between his eyebrows. “My end of the agreement requires me to stay with you to ensure the livelihood of our subsidiaries. I know what you will do if I attempt to leave. Your rage has no bounds. I won’t let you abuse your power and ruin innocent workers’ lives.”

Aecha was too hurt to react. She might be a headache to live with, but she was not evil. She wouldn’t put thousands of people out of their jobs because of her marriage issues. The media would hound her like wolves and she would lose people’s admiration. Love lost was almost always impossible to earn back.

But the fact that Jumin thought Aecha could do heinous things made her want to prove him right. It was too easy to latch onto fury and let it consume her. Why create a job crisis for strangers when she could strike at Jumin’s heart?

That woman was her final card. She wouldn’t hesitate to use it the moment he put her and her family in jeopardy.

“You’re wrong. I care about strangers,” Aecha said, her cheeks hot from restraining her anger.

“I have never seen that from you, Aecha.”

Jumin’s statement was so ridiculous that she had to laugh. “No, you just never see me.” She almost choked at the admission. “But that’s fine. You should keep an eye on that woman. You think you’re the only one with a hacker on your side? You already know what I’m capable of. What makes you so sure that I wouldn’t go berserk on her instead?”

Jumin came so close to her that she had to retreat until her elbow hit a cabinet. “Touch her and I won’t stand still,” he said in a low voice. “There’s only so much I can tolerate from you.”

Aecha’s tightened fists shook and she ignored the sting from the peeled skin. She looked up at him, holding back the urge to slam his forehead into the cabinet behind her. “She’s safe as long as my family and I are safe.”

Once upon a time, Jumin could have loved her, had she approached him with pure intentions. Their brief moments of camaraderie had proven it. But in this lifetime, Aecha had soured their relationship purely through the circumstance she entered Jumin’s life and he never forgave her for it.

Jumin scrutinised her for several seconds and she held his gaze without wavering. “Then we have reached an agreement.” He handed her a sealed package from his pocket. “Your toothbrush.”

Her blood smeared on the plastic as she snatched it from him.

*     *     *     *     *

Jumin had moved out of their bedroom into the guest room down the hall. They would see each other even rarer now.

Aecha cast a look around the library. Walls of books stretched up the ceiling with a sliding ladder docked on one side. She couldn’t remember when books ceased to give her lasting joy. She couldn’t remember the last time things didn’t hurt. She had caused this, she knew that.

Aecha rested her temple against the cold window and brought her knees to her chest. From her plush seat, she watched the gardener maintaining Jumin’s private garden, and there she noticed a small patch of green daylilies.

Jumin must have had them planted before they fought. She wondered if he would remove them from the premises soon.

Sometimes, Jumin was considerate. Sometimes, it almost made Aecha crumble.

She didn’t think her loneliness could amplify, but what had taken root in this penthouse was crawling up her limbs like vines, determined to crush her.

She wanted to stop fighting them.

But her sister. But her father.

Aecha gritted her teeth as she picked at the newly scabbed skin on her thumb. It broke open into a deeper wound. Fresher sting, freer blood.

Just one more day. Then another. Then another.

-

Footnotes:

Aecha always assumes the worst from Jumin, but I hope the subtle details were noticeable enough that this is still the Jumin we love, just trapped in his resentment of having to marry someone who’s blatantly after his money.

At the event, Aecha calls herself a simpleton because she threw herself into this marriage for her family despite her sense of self-preservation.

When Jumin squeezed Aecha’s hand in the park, it wasn’t a scolding. He was trying to signal “I’m here.”

It’s not mentioned in the fic, but Jumin personally picks out the daylilies for her, not his assistant. He doesn’t know she likes irises because he respects her privacy and never goes into her study.

Years of familiarity translate to them subconsciously caring for each other’s quirk without noticing: Jumin setting up the picnic because he knows kneeling on the grass squicks Aecha out, Aecha straightening Jumin’s tie on the rack because he doesn’t like things crooked...

The toothbrush scene isn’t just a comic relief. I wanted to show a domestic moment and what they could’ve had if they’d started on the right foot.

Aecha’s fingers are a small allusion to her downspiral. In the second scene, the fingernails glisten, but by the penultimate and last scenes, she makes them bleed.

Why an OC? Simple. Writer wrote about 2 women, writer backed herself into a corner because she had a hard time referring to who as who, main woman got a name and developed personality. Aecha means good daughter in Korean. I love dooming her from the start.

When I couldn’t decide whether to develop Aecha into a full villain or give her some redeeming qualities, my friend told me it’d be more interesting if she’s morally grey. That stuck with me. At the end, they’re just a married couple who are trying to survive this lifelong prison they’d put themselves in.

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[buried-in-autumn-leaves]

college Nate and Everett please please please :3

LMAO HIII <33

I was just yapping ab this in the notes of one of my other posts but college is when they both have to admit that not even THEY can handle each other. This post will be formatted as a badly written and unedited drabble fic 🥰 Mostly from Eve's perspective, so like some of my story for Nate gets lost here but I'll probably post about that at some point.

(Content Warning for Mentions of Drug Use) (It's just weed, Nate has a bad experience and talks about some of the symptoms that are overwhelming him.)

It didn't surprise anyone when Everett and Nate end up going to college together– No way Nate was going to let his best friend NOT go to college, it was important. Them going to the same school would just make it easier for Nate to keep an eye on him.

They weren't expecting it to be so much different.

Nate is busy more these days. Everett sees him sometimes, hunched over his desk as he falls asleep. He hears him leave before sunrise, not bothering to wave– He won't wave back anyway.

It's embarrassing, the way he misses the way Nate used to look after him. Things as simple as waking HIMSELF up instead of waking to Nate shaking his shoulder feels bitter.

And then the grades start coming back.

He hides them– Obviously. He can't admit to Nate that he's failing, can't admit that he's probably going to get expelled by the end of the year. It would be one thing if he was just slacking. Had he been failing due to just not doing the work, maybe it would've FELT less like failure. But this? To genuinely be trying and just not being good enough? That hurt.

He makes the decision to drop out within maybe four months of starting– It's probably longer than anyone else thought he would last. He swears he can hear Shiloh's god awful passive remarks all the way in the dean's office.

"What are you doing?"

"...packing."

This... this is probably his fault too, huh? He could've warned told him. Could've torn Nate away from his notes and books long enough to say something– ANYTHING. Maybe, if he'd done that, there could've been a proper goodbye.

But like we said, Everett isn't smart.

"Please just stop yelling-"

"What is wrong with you?! All the work you did- Hell, all the work I did!"

He argues back, of course– He's still himself. He yells. He rants about how he'd never wanted to go here in the first place, about how if Nate really cared he would've noticed how much he was trying, really trying.

When Everett storms out, he tries not to think about the fact that his entire world just collapsed underneath him. He calls his mom, convinces her that Nate is this awful monster who only cares about himself. She defends him, to his bitternes, because how couldn't she?

Everybody loved Nate.

When he goes back to the dorm that night to get his things, Nate isn't there.

He'll pretend that doesn't upset him either.

It's almost six months later when his phone rings.

'Unknown Caller' my ass, as if he could ever fucking forget that one. It's practically engraved in his brain: One of two numbers he ever bothered to memorize. He tells himself that unless Nate is on the line to APOLOGISE, he's hanging up. He doesn't quite believe himself anymore.

"What the fuck are you rambling about?"

"I can't- They said it would help but- Shit, I can't breathe right-"

Now, whatever you were thinking, Everett Gray has a backbone. He does not tell his friends that he just remembered something he had to do for his mom. He does not leave the party in a rush he struggles to keep under control. He does not sneak back onto that hell of a college campus and into Nate's dorm. He does not acknowledge the fact that his stomach is in knots. He does not spend that night sitting at Nate's side, letting him lay his head in his lap and reminding him that no, the room is not spinning. You're safe.

Because why would he do that?

Nate is... less than pleased when he wakes up. It's Saturday, he has no excuse to immediately leave, avoiding the awful awkward conversation that's staring him down right now.

Nate Lawson does not ASK for things– He takes them. He commands any room he's in. He knows how to control people. He does not beg.

And yet...

"I want you to stay."

"We're not good for each other. For anyone, really."

"I could be better."

And maybe that's not what they said. Maybe there was more arguing, more yelling. Maybe someone cries. Maybe they don't speak at all, too awkward to start. (After all, remember who we're talking about.) But they'll understand each other.

They always have.

[captain-joongz]

Heroes

Pairing: non-idol!Kim Hongjoong x Reader (it's Hongjoong's POV)

Genre: angst

Summary: Hongjoong attempts to navigate a posh party after his whole life has fallen apart, while what he wants the most is standing only a few metres away from him. It doesn't help that he knows you want him too.

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: it's very angsty, drinking, post break-up, forced break-up, controlling parent (let me know if i should add anything)

A/N: this whole piece is inspired by the song Heroes by David Bowie, it's just the right amount of emotional damage :')) also, this is my first time posting here, so I apologise if the formating is still a little wonky, hopefully I'll work it out soon :))

“Just… Don’t forget to be there tomorrow, okay?” Seonghwa’s voice rang out in my car and I sighed. “Don’t worry, I know I can’t afford to miss a gathering like that. Everyone that means something in this city is going to be there.” My answer didn’t seem to calm him down whatsoever, even if I couldn’t see him through my phone screen I knew as much. I stubbornly refused to address what he was talking about and instead started talking business. After a while of mindless chit-chat he tried again.

“She will be there tomorrow… I’m sure you know that. Please, Hongjoong, don’t do anything stupid.” I knew he was just trying to look out for me but I couldn’t help getting a little annoyed with him. Even after all this time, you were still a touchy subject. I sighed again, this time louder. “When have I ever done something like that?” I attempted at a joke and got a little chuckle from Seonghwa in return. “Don’t worry, my best friend turned business partner, I’ll be the picture of sainthood and patience.” Then I ended the call.

Needless to say, I was not that. I got to the garden party about twenty minutes ago and was already agitated beyond belief. Seonghwa hasn’t got there yet and I was stuck drinking white wine in a corner of a room watching old rich men laughing at stories that only old rich men find funny. I could feel my lips turning into a scowl and barely managed to look respectable and approachable to the top society.

Just a few years back, I was nothing. A little boy from a poor background who only dreamed big, but deep down knew that a world like this would never let him achieve that. I didn’t come from money like most of these men, I didn’t have centuries of generational wealth at my beck and call. I was the one they laughed at and looked down on, the one who had to fight for every penny they dropped.

I started a little company with my best friend, originally hoping to make our own indie clothing line. Just something small to give us enough money to live normally. But we needed funds to take off and so we started chasing after the kind of people we both hated begging them to sponsor us. That’s when you came into my life. And everything changed.

Back then I hated these parties as much as I do now but I didn’t know how to hide it yet. Seonghwa was much better at looking pleasant and entertained, I usually stood next to him burning holes with my eyes into anyone who wanted to talk to me. You swooped in, all wide smiles and melodic laughs and gave me a once-over.

“You look exactly how I feel.” It came out of your mouth on a laugh and I felt myself relax. “Also here to charm these bastards into giving you a bit of money?” I gave you a flirty smile and took a sip from my glass. I didn’t even remember what I ordered.

“Actually no, I’m here because one of these bastards is my father.” I froze and I heard Seonghwa next to me choke on something. You looked serious for a moment and then burst out laughing. And then you spent the entire night introducing us to people and whispering little sassy comments into our ears. I never knew one could have so much fun here.

I realised pretty quickly you are someone I will fall in love with. It never felt like a hypothetical. Loving you was absolutely inevitable. And when I did, you were there holding my hand whispering how you love me too. It was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You were the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And then you were gone.

You didn’t want to be, I knew that. It was your father. I met him a few times after you introduced us and he figured out pretty quickly that something was happening between us. And he didn’t like it. One day he called me into his office for lunch. When I came he only looked at me over his desk.

“My daughter will marry someone better.” That was all he said.

“Leave her alone.”

I didn’t.

We both agreed on continuing our relationship and that we would keep it a secret. Me and Seonghwa managed to sell our idea to a big wig that owned a few luxury hotels and he agreed to sponsor our humble beginnings. At this time Wooyoung and Yeosang joined us, after we hired them off an ad to model our clothes during the business meetings. Finally, our dream was taking off. It worked for a little while. You helped us a lot back then, helping us with ideas and even some sewing when we needed every hand we could get. The project was our baby, us five.

With time we grew tired of sneaking around. We became careless, too in love to think about the consequences of being seen together or getting caught by your father. And so one day we were.

Unfortunately, I don’t know the half of what happened, you didn’t want to talk about it too much. But I knew enough to understand you were leaving. I’ll always remember your teary sad eyes as you were walking out the door.

“He’ll sink your company if I don’t leave. I can’t do that to you Hongjoong, not after you worked so hard for it.”

After that I haven’t seen you again. I heard about you here and there, after all I was still in the same social circles as you. But I knew you weren’t allowed to talk to me. I would catch glimpses of you out of the corner of my eyes and then you would disappear into the crowd. That was all that was left of us.

It’s already been three hours since I came here and I was officially tired of small talk. Everyone asked me the same questions, they all wanted to know the same things.

“Congratulations on your latest release, Mr. Kim. I heard it was a success,” said one of the men my benefactor brought over to my corner. I gave him a tight-lipped smile.

“It was a joint effort of the whole company,” I replied politely and looked over his shoulder to see Seonghwa laugh at something Yunho said. They came here together about 40 minutes after me due to having to solve some issues with a design we were currently working on.

“Speaking of company, I remember when it was just you and Mr. Park. It was a pleasant surprise to meet Mr. Jeong too,” said someone else, I wasn’t even paying attention to who.

“Yes, yes… There’s eight of us now, thanks to the endless support of Mr. Byun we were able to expand rather quickly,” I gestured at our sponsor and gave a business smile. “It’s a big relief as we now have enough hands on deck to work comfortably.” Conversation moved on for a little bit and I dissociated again, not listening to a single word until I felt Seonghwa move to my side. When I looked up at him he looked extremely nervous, but before I could ask one of the men directed the topic back to me.

“You know… I really wasn’t expecting you to show up. Considering…” he chuckled a little bit and I felt myself stiffen. There was a mean glint to his eyes and I knew they all will properly enjoy making me uncomfortable with this.

“Yes, considering…” someone else added with a smirk, “Have you met the host of tonight’s party yet?” Silence fell and everyone looked at me expectantly. The host of tonight's party, as in Mr. Lee – as in your father. Even though our relationship was never quite made public, it was a well-known matter. Just as our break-up, no matter how hard Mr. Lee tried to make it disappear. He was thoroughly embarrassed by his daughter entertaining the advances of such a low-born as me, but his desperation to keep this all under wraps was what made it even juicier for everyone to talk about. That’s how I found myself in this exact same position every time I chose to show my face at these events.

Before I could say something, Seonghwa stepped in with his gentle polite shut-down. “Yes, we’ve all said our hellos to him when we came here,” he said and smiled in that way me and Yunho knew meant he was two minutes from distributing slaps. It was a lie, but one said with such nonchalance that everyone believed this boring outcome to be true. They hoped for blood and instead got this. From there the conversation quickly moved on to different topics and no one brought it up again. Eventually the men saw someone more interesting and dispersed, leaving only me, Seonghwa and Yunho.

“Thanks, if I had to answer that one more time I’d murder someone,” I said to Seonghwa with what was supposed to be a laugh but instead came out as a bitter chuckle. My fingers tightened around my glass and I attempted to calm the swirling vortex of uncomfortable emotions currently wreaking havoc on my psyche. Admittedly, I was doing a pretty shit job at it.

“Man, these vultures really never change,” Yunho whispered with a smile and clasped his hand on my shoulder. He squeezed few times to give me courage and then let go. I smiled tiredly at him and clanked our glasses together. “That they never do…”

I was glad both of these men were here. Where Seonghwa was all cold and polite, Yunho came in with amusing stories and boyish charms. Once you started listening to him, he soon had you wrapped around his little finger and you found yourself hanging onto his every word. It was very useful at directing conversation and distracting people when they started asking stupid questions.

Seonghwa hasn’t said anything yet and when I looked at him, he was still watching me with that same sadness and nervousness from before. “You haven’t left this spot since you came, don’t you at least want to move into the garden for a little while?” he said finally and I realised he was in his full mothering mode. As I opened my mouth to give him a funny retort, my eyes flitted around the room and suddenly I was looking straight into your eyes. The words got stuck in my throat and instead came out a little strangled noise of surprise. You waved at me subtly and smiled a little. I awkwardly did the same. Then you turned around and walked out. My hand automatically reached for a fresh glass of wine and I drank it in almost a single gulp, which freaked out Seonghwa.

“Maybe we should go, we did what we came here to do anyway…” he said and reached for me but I refused. “If we leave now it will be considered in bad taste,” I retorted, “Don’t worry about me, go out there and make me proud. I’ll just stay here and keep myself out of everyone’s way.” Yunho laughed at my words but Seonghwa still looked concerned. In the end, he let himself be dragged out into the gardens. I stood there alone. Right, since you left, I was anyways.

I kept myself occupied by drinking, which wasn’t really the best idea. When I looked out of the window again, it was already dark outside and most of the people moved back in. You were back in too. I heard you, heard your laugh as you held conversation with someone. It felt as close as if you were standing right next to me, laughing to something I said. As if on instinct I looked after the source of the sound and our eyes met for the second time that evening. You nodded. I did too. I felt Mr. Lee burning a hole into my side with his eyes just as I saw Seonghwa warningly shake his head. So I looked back down, right into my drink and wallowed in drunken self-pity.

I knew I should let it go. I should have let it go by now. It’s been months. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself stop thinking about you, about us. How could I when you were so abruptly torn out of my life? Inappropriate relationship my ass. Embarrassment my ass. Everyone knew anyway. That I love you and you love me. I didn’t understand why it was a problem. I guess I just wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t wealthy enough. I would still take care of you, better than anyone could. I would give you anything, everything you asked for. So why? Why was it a problem?

I took another sip from another glass and looked at you again. I could feel Seonghwa’s disapproving energy from across the room but I ignored it. Things started blurring together, so I just stood around frowning and drank. When I could see clearly again you were gone. I lost you a long time ago and yet you still disappear.

The party was still in full swing, people now drunk enough to loosen up. All around me it was buzzing with laughter and small-talk, the men switching to joking about their wives while still pretending to talk business while the ladies emboldened by alcohol started making eyes at the young waiters. I made a disgusted face and prayed for these poor souls.

I couldn’t see Seonghwa nor Yunho anymore either and I was trying to persuade myself to move so I could find them and we could finally leave. But before I managed to move a single finger a voice tore me out of my thoughts. A sweet familiar voice.

“Hey…” It was you. You were standing on my right, close to the doors that led outside. I didn’t even notice you get there, too preoccupied with feeling sorry for myself. My heart was beating out of my chest. It was beating so hard I was afraid it was going to jump right out, right into your hands. That’s where it belonged anyway.

“Hi.” I croaked out and then embarrassedly cleared my throat. You laughed. God, how I missed that. I was just stuck looking at you with heart eyes, not even comprehending that this was really happening. Suddenly I realised that the room quieted down a little bit. The people that were present pretended to still have their conversations while straining their ears to listen to us. A fierce wave of anger ran through me but it died down as soon as I saw you gesturing to the open door.

“Do you maybe want…?” you didn’t even have to finish and I was already moving out with a scowl on my face aimed at everyone who was watching us with curious eyes. As soon as I came out panic hit me and I turned around. You must have seen the fear and laughed a little. “My father is currently in the saloon playing billiard and smoking cigars with the esteemed gentlemen, so it’s okay,” you said and sat down on of the chair on this little balcony. It was overlooking the prettily light up gardens. It was almost a romantic setting if the situation was different. I chuckled bitterly and sat down into the other chair.

I took the time to look at you properly. You were wearing a light pink dress. It was a very conservative cut, making you look almost like a happy housewife from the 50s. I let out another chuckle and you only raised an amused eyebrow at me. Your hair was longer too.

“I see that father has a say in your wardrobe too, now.” It wasn’t the best opening line. Definitely not something you say to someone you haven’t seen in months. The amusement was replaced by sadness and you looked really awkward for a moment. I wanted to slap myself for ever even opening my stupid mouth.

“You know, have to make the right impression…” you said quietly and silence took over. I hated it. I hated everything and most of all I hated your father.

“You realise that he’s going to hear about us talking anyway, right?” I asked you and took a sip. It was the last of wine I had, so I just set the glass on the table and instead nervously played with my fingers. Not holding anything allowed me to see just how much were my hands shaking. I looked over and you were also nervously smoothing out your dress over your thighs.

“Yeah, well, he’s going to kill us both but whatever,” came your response. You wanted it to sound nonchalant but we were both too anxious and running on pure adrenalin. But then you gave me a blinding smile and my heart almost broke all over again.

“Yeah, yolo or whatever,” I mumbled and looked into the garden. I heard you laugh and forbid myself from looking. My hands started to rise so I could drink but halfway through I remember I finished it already. So I let them down again. It was the middle of summer but thanks to the late hour, the weather became much more pleasant. I loosened my tie and made myself more comfortable in the chair.

The silence was slowly becoming oppressive as neither of us really knew what to say to the other. I gritted my teeth together and slowly counted the uncomfortably spent seconds slowly ticking away.

“I’m engaged.”

It felt as if the whole world was suddenly thrown askew. If I wasn’t sitting it would feel as if I was falling down the stairs. Slowly I turned to look at you. There were tears on your face. I realised that my eyes were also getting wet. Shit, either I’m too sober to have this conversation or I’m too drunk to not make a fool out of myself. My hand subconsciously moved to lay over my heart, as if to check if it was still beating. It felt as if it wasn’t, wouldn’t really surprise me.

“So this is why you wanted to talk outside…” I said slowly and suddenly my words were slurring more together. It was hard to speak over the emotions of my whole life crumbling to dust.

“Don’t you want to know with who?” you asked quietly. I could see you were too afraid to look at me properly, only glancing over from the corner of your eyes. I scoffed at your question.

“I can imagine with who. Your father has a clear type,” I said bitterly, “Probably with someone that can afford to golf with him in the country club.” You were silent and I knew you were crying. So I turned around again and looked into the garden, stubbornly ignoring the tears about to drop from my own eyes.

“We could run away together…” you whispered and I spun around again. “What!?” I almost screamed that and then checked if anyone inside heard. It seemed that no one noticed. I turned to you again. “What do you mean? Are you serious?” It was absolutely stupid idea. I started regretting not being more drunk. But then I looked at your face and saw your desperation and I realised. You mean it. You’re absolutely serious.

A lightning of hope flashed through me so strongly it almost jerked my whole body. But as soon as it appeared it was gone too. There was no way anything good would come out of that. Your father would cut you off and he’d make sure none of us ever found any respectable job. I couldn’t take everything away from you like this. I wouldn’t. Still I smiled at you and said yes. We both knew.

“We could, you could come to live with me and Seonghwa. He’d nag us all the time but all of us would have movie nights…” I whispered and finally felt the tears trickling down my face. I didn’t even bother to try and wipe them away. When I looked over you were crying too.

“We could just get up right now and leave and never come back,” you said. Neither of us made a move to get up. We just looked at each other. “I would help you with your company, I’d sew again…”

“We’d live off convenience store snacks and whatever Wooyoung brought over for us.” We laughed at that, remembering how he was always pretending to be mad at us for eating at his place too much.

“We’d be together forever… We’d win…” you whispered and I couldn’t hold back the sob that fought its way out. I had to turn away from you for a moment to try and compose myself, even though I heard you crying right next to me. We knew it was impossible, but for a few sweet moments we let ourselves imagine our life together. No one spoke then and after a little while I heard rustling of you getting up.

I didn’t want to look. I didn't want to see you leave and I didn't want you to see me cry. But I knew I’d never see you again and everything be damned, I wouldn’t waste my last chance to lay my eyes on you.

You smiled and even with your face all wet and red and puffed up from crying, you were the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.

“I better go,” you whispered again and gestured to the door, “before my dad finds out.” I laughed at the irony of the words. And then I nodded. “Yeah… See you.” The hopeful tone I said those words in was completely against my will. I wouldn’t. But I wanted to believe. You didn’t reply to that and then you slipped inside, forever slipped out of my reach.

I don’t know how much time passed, but when Seonghwa found his way to the balcony, I was still numbly sitting in the chair looking out into the gardens with dried tears on my face. Within few seconds he was on me, holding my shoulder and looking at me with gentle sad eyes, asking me what happened. I was silent. When he was guiding me back inside, I was silent. When Yunho saw us and walked over with concern written all over his face, I was silent. When we were walking out, while we were driving back home, when we were standing in the elevator taking us up to our flat, I was silent. All I could do was wish. Wish we could be heroes, just for one day.

A/N: hope you liked it! don't be shy ^^