#if anyone recalls the full-body reference i did of her - all of her scars - yeah the amount of Fine she is

[isrustandstardust]

1. What’s been the best day of your life so far and why?

Hard to decide, I had so many great days.

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?

It was with my best friend at the time, in my parents garden. It was early morning after a night spent talking, her lips were really soft.

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?

I could have handled a break up better. I ended up hurting someone I cared for.

4. When was the last time you laughed so hard that tears fell from your face and what was it at?

With my husband, yesterday night. We were actually making fun of someone we know.

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?

Moving in with a guy I barely knew in a city 400km away from all my family and friends.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Nothing comes to mind rn.

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?

I have my arms covered in scars. All of them are from self harming.

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?

In another house, maybe abroad.

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

I’m for the free of choice. I’ve tried drugs only a few times and not drinking atm.

10. What are your views on religion?

Brainwashing shit.

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?

Yes, more than once. I tried, twice, when I was 21 and going through a lot. The second time I almost succeeded and woke up in the hospital after being unconscious and intubated for a week.

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.

- I am bipolar, borderline and have a schizoafective disorder.

- I dream about Satan and the end of the world on daily basis.

- When I was little I used look for little animals to bury and exhume after a while to see how decomposition works.

- I’ve been into witchcraft and rituals since I was 16.

- I write backwards like Leonardo Da Vinci.

13. What’s your zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality?

I’m a Scorpio and it fits perfectly.

14. Pinpoint a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

When my storyboard teacher remembered me from my online test because it was a perfect score.

15. Discuss your first love.

We were young and trying too hard.

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 5 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.

- Don’t mess with me - Brody Dalle. It’s from the soundtrack of a game I love.

- Distance - 4bidden. It relaxes me.

- As the rain comes down - 0K(ill)’s. Because I’m working on their new videoclip.

- 8-MQ 16.10.2001 - 0K(ill)’s. Because it’s inspired by an Italian female serial killer. The title is composed by her initials and date of death.

- Rock and Roll - Gary Glitter. It makes me want to misbehave.

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Iceland.

18. What’s your earliest memory?

My dad taking me to Collodi.

19. What are your views on mainstream music?

It’s heartless and all about making money.

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?

High: starting officially my character designer career. Low: my mother in law and old dog passing away in less than a month.

21. What are your strongest beliefs?

I believe in being direct and honest. Do no harm but take no shit.

22. Who are you closest to in your family?

My dad maybe.

23. How important do you think education is?

It’s fundamental.

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?

My 600lbs life XD

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I’m more secure of myself and my capabilities.

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.

- Tom Hiddleston.

- Mads Mikkelsen.

- Hugh Dancy.

- Michael Fassbender.

- Matthew Good.

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.

3 Iron, in the mood for love. Because they’re sad but huntingly beautiful.

Stoker because psycho killers turn me on.

The fountain because is eternal and heartbreaking.

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?

I am fascinated by fictional characters. Like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, again psycho killers.

29. What kind of person attracts you?

Intelligent people.

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?

My body is giving up on me xD

31. Name something that you miss.

The lake.

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.

- Doing at least 15 designs.

- Double up my workout time.

- Completing my very first song.

- Take that online course I’ve been postponing for lack of time.

- Get a hold of a camera and go shooting.

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point?

Highlight: doing a shit ton of sales on my shop. Lowest point: I don’t recall one, it’s been a pretty good month so far.

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?

Being the side chick.

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?

Not being good enough. It can be traced back to my mom being a terrible mother.

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?

- Natacha Atlas - GAFSA. Because it’s in the soundtrack of 3Iron.

- Morcheeba - Over and over again. I find I’d perfectly fitting.

- Portishead - Wandering star. Because it remembers me of someone from my past.

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?

I had a plush of a rhino called Mr. Turkelton [Scrubs reference] that was so dear to me. It’s with my ex, we bought it together and he kept it. Still miss him tho.

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death?

My mother in law. She was more of a mom to me than my own mother.

39. What is your purpose in life?

Being happy and create beautiful things.

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?

I do not remember, but I guess it was during my mil’s funeral.

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do?

I would love to spend a day with the Mass Effect’s cast playing the game!

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?

Tool. Because I’m a masochist.

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.

Likes:

- Being open minded.

- Being stubborn.

- Being so will powered.

Dislikes:

- Being insecure.

- Being so unable to handle rage that I keep extremely calm until the moment I explode and get cruel and violent.

- Being unable to let go of things that enrage me.

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make?

I’m pretty good at it. I love to make fresh pasta.

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?

Drinking that glass of milk, now my stomach hurts.

46. Who’s opinion of yourself do you value the most?

Mine. And then my husband’s. I don’t care of no one else’s opinion.

47. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to another human being and what drove you to say it?

I demolished a guy who was in love with me telling him exactly what I knew it would break him. I did it because he tried to act like I was his property and then got aggressive when I didn’t act accordingly.

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?

Nasty things don’t get to me, I don’t listen to what people say, especially when it comes from someone I don’t care for or I despise. The things that hurt me the most was saying goodbye to someone I was not ready to let go.

49. You can ask your favourite celebrity 3 questions and she’s taken a magical truth pill so she will 100% answer honestly, what do you ask?

Maybe some technical stuff, Idk. I have no ‘favorite celebrity ‘ so...

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?

I don’t care about leaving a mark in a dying world tbh.

51. What makes you most angry?

Liars, incoherent people, delusional people, copycats.

52. Who do you think is a really underrated artist and what do you love about them?

There are a lot of really underrated artists out there trying their very best and being bashed by online algorithms. Support the artists you like!

53. What are the main qualities you look for when thinking about a significant other?

Intelligence, honesty and having moral values.

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

The first that comes to mind is waiting at home for me to return with a hot bath ready and a bed full of rose petals. It’s a cliche,Iknow. But I was young and in love.

55. What is one of your favorite memories?

I have so many, but thinking about the past makes me feel bittersweet.

56. What do you do when you really want to impress someone?

I just act normal, if they’re impressed, good. If not, it’s ok.

57. What are your 3 favourite animals and why?

- Snakes: They’re so fascinating.

- Crows: they’re extremely intelligent.

- Sharks: natural born predators.

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?

A trip to Paris and a trip to Disneyland.

59. People always go around saying ‘oh I’m their biggest fan’, but what does being a truly big fan of someone mean to you?

Idk, I just like people. I don’t obsess over them.

I obsess over things I like, but not over some individual I don’t know.

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?

I want more money XD

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at?

Drawing. Hopefully making music, but it’s way to early to say.

62. What is something you feel like you can get better at?

Drawing, there’s always room for improving.

63. What is something you feel like you are really bad at?

Hiding when I despise someone. And bowling.

64. If you were given $3,000,000 to put towards 3 charities/foundations ($1 mil each obvs), what would you choose and why?

Wildlife protection, animal shelters, planet’s preservation.

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?

My roommates came back from Xmas holidays one day earlier to have dinner with me because I was alone. And another brought me Xmas dinner a few days before.

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

I work :/

67. What’s something that’s on your bucket list?

Make a nice home studio.

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?

I would actually change the opponent party. They’re dreadful.

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?

Xmas, because it feels like happiness.

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you rememer even though they were a complete stranger.

A stranger helped me when my nose was bleeding like crazy and I was alone in a mall. He also bought me an orange juice.

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?

Motoko Kusanagi.

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?

Reptile - NIN. Don’t know why.

73. Put the 7 deadly sins in order of the one you commit the most to the least.

Wrath - Lust - Pride - Sloth - Greed - Gluttony - Envy.

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?

I’m already married and we danced over Christian Woman by Type 0 Negative XD

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?

Someone told me I look like Butterfly from Death Proof and like Amy Lee from Evancescence.

I really don’t see it.

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?

Art. And music.

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?

Going away.

78. Do you hate someone.

No, I dislike a lot of people, I think the world would be better off if some of them would die, it I do not hate them.

79. What are 3 things that have happened in your life that you’ve never forgotten? Big or small, just things you know you won’t ever forget and still seem crystal clear now.

- Almost dying.

- Getting married.

- Signing for my very first house.

80. What comes first to you out of friendships and relationships, and why?

They’re equally important.

81. What’s your favourite children’s tv show/movie?

Muppets: a Christmas Carol.

82. What song makes you cry the most?

Together we will live forever - Clint Mansell.

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?

Operation Petticoat.

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?

Trying human flesh.

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?

A lot. Just, a lot.

86. What’s your biggest fear?

Being abandoned.

87. What is your favorite food?

Red meat, pistachio ice cream.

88. Least favorite food? Why?

Celery.

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why?

Not that I recall of.

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?

I always keep a journal, I write in it pretty much everything, dreams, feelings, ideas, thoughts.

91. When was the last time you said something nice to someone & what made you do it?

This morning to my husband, because he deserves it.

92. How do you feel when someone says something mean/disrespectful towards your fave celeb?

Couldn’t care less? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, even if it’s a shitty one.

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?

Milena Quaglini’s.

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?

Violante, Lavinia and Artemisia.

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?

I have two. Valeria and Maria.

96. How did your name get chosen? What’s the story behind it?

My dad found it in a sci-fi book back when he was a teenager. It was the name of the first baby girl born on the moon.

97. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for each of your faves e.g. waiting in line for hours, getting up early to see them on tv etc?

I watched a streaming reunion in the middle of the night on N7 day.

98. Are you a virgin?

No.

99. What are the stories behind your tattoos/piercings and if you don’t have any, would you like any?

I have wings because I’ve always been obsessed with winged figures and angels.

I have a lot of movies/books quotes because they all means something to me.

I have cherry petals because of Hagakure.

The snowflake is the reminder of a very important person.

The moth is for my self destructive tendencies.

The witch is a homage to me.

The strawberry is a silly Adventure Time reference.

The snake is a biblical reference to both Lilith and Satan.

The Santa Muerte and the black goat are both linked to my beliefs.

100. Do you want to say something to the world?

Stop being stupid, stop making stupid people famous, open a book.

[thatfairyfangirl]

True Colors Chapter 6

A/N: Decided to go with Ultimates Dazzler here just cuz I wanted to include Halestorm in the playlist and all the remixes I found were garbagewater  http://marvel.com/universe/Dazzler_(Ultimate)

You sat locked up in your room, recording soft long notes from your violin as part of a labor of love of a song to submit to whatever record label willing to let her in the door. Readying the background of the track always took the most time, especially when it was just her providing just about everything...But she knew it would all be worth it once it was done and the vocals were layered in.

You let out a soft groan as the relentless chiming of your phone interrupted your creative flow. Reaching for it you swore to make whoever did this pay until you saw the name on the call ID, ‘Angel’. “I was in the middle of a song Warren.” You scolded with a half smile as you answered the phone. “This better be important.”

“Umm, very actually.” The voice on the other end paused for a moment, your old friend always hated asking your favors. “Have you heard about the party I’m putting together?”

“The mutant rights shindig? Yeah, and of course you can count on me to show up...Sugar Kane AND Dazzler? How can I stay away?” You smiled as you got up from the computer to flop on the bed to rummage your clothes to see if you could put together a rainbow themed costume...shouldn’t be hard.

“Oh you haven’t heard? Sugar Kane and Chamber broke up in a pretty bad way. Seems she’s been using the poor guy for publicity...She’s no friend to the mutants right cause.”

“Holy shit really?! That sucks! So obviously she’s off the bill for your show…”

“Yeah, and go figure after we convinced a network to air the show.” You could almost hear him scratching at the back of his head as he got to his point. “So being down a singer is a pretty big deal now...And I figured since you’re such a wonderful talent and you’re going to be there anyway…Maybe having an Avenger on the bill would be enough to keep the timeslot?”

You sat up seeing quite clearly where he was going with this. “Oh geeze Warren...Seriously?” Your room shimmered with your excitement. “You want ME to open for Dazzler?!”

“If you're willing, I know your life has been kinda turned upside down ever since you came out as a mutant.”

“THISISAMAZING!” You jumped as your smile grew to each ear. “Of course you can count on me!”

Warren could almost hear the kaleidoscope of neon colors you were emitting “Ok ok! I get it you’re in,” he chuckled, “Do you have enough pro-mutant positivity songs?”

“Warren...come on...who the hell do you think you’re talking to?”

~ ~ ~ ~

A few weeks later the morning air held an autumn crisp to it as Bucky passed by windows filled with witches and bats on his morning jog...and around every corner the same flyer over and over, though he didn’t stop to read it...until he found one just like it on the fridge in the tower, stuck there by a rainbow magnet. “Mutant Rights Halloween Bash! Live Performances by Dazzler and Spectrum. Mutations are not required to attend but costumes are.”

Scribbled over the information was your handwriting, “I’m freaking out over this! Who can I count on to be there?” Bucky let a small smile dance across his lips as he read the flyer, taking note that it was tomorrow night, a little surprised he was actually feeling happy for you for finding a gig that wasn’t hosted by Tony. With a chuckle and a shake of his head he returned the flyer to the fridge before pulling out a water bottle, downing half of it before making his way down the hall, listening to your music getting louder as he got closer.  

“Hey,” he said softly as he poked his head into the open door of your room only to find a rainbow of hair sprawled out over your pillow, “what’s a Dazzler?” He added, obviously referring to the flyer that had been following him all over town. Without a word you reached for your mp3 player to toss to him, trusting that he’d catch it.

“Band with one of the greatest mutant singers of all time...that we know of. Was like a year shy of getting to work with her at Xavier’s”

“Wow...must be exciting for you…” His brow rose, wondering if you had gotten sick or something.

“More like flat out terrifying.” You corrected as you picked yourself up. “Ali Blair is on a whole ‘nother level!”

“I’m sure one day a young mutant will say the same thing about you.” Bucky half smiled as he leaned against your door frame, finding it hard to look up at you when you were like this. “...I think that about you sometimes.” He admitted as he stared intently at the floor. You weren’t exactly sure why hearing that from him helped...but it did. His eyes wandered up to you for just a second as a reassured smile grew on your lips. “I was wondering if I could go too?” His left hand reached up scrunching his hair as he scratched at the back of his head. “I thought it was really something the way you put all those songs together like that...Can’t wait to hear more.”

“Umm, sure...but I’m probably going to be doing original stuff…” The question took the weight of the world off your shoulders...even with such good friends here he was the first to ask that. “And we’ll need to get you a costume…” You looked him up and down as a devilish grin grew on your lips as you bounced off the bed, returning to the former you that Bucky had grown so comfortable with. “Come on,” you half giggled as you grabbed his hand, spinning him around in the doorframe, “I have an idea!” He didn’t have any choice but to follow.

~ ~ ~ ~

“(Y/N) I don’t care that the tin man is something from my time...I’m still not wearing a funnel as a hat!” His face hung stagnant, one more remark about his arm away from abandoning the entire idea all together.

“Well then I just don’t know.” You huffed as you looked around Tony’s garage, surprised he wasn’t in here tinkering with something.

“Look Doll, I appreciate the help but I’m sure I can find my own costume...Thing is I was thinking maybe something to cover it up.” Afterall, there’s so few days out of the year he can get away with something like that.

A rainbow brow arched as you looked over him. “Why on earth would you want to do a thing like that?” You asked as you plopped yourself down on one of the stools that peppered the garage.

“Well, it scares people for one...and it’s more or less a constant reminder of all the things HYDRA made me do…” He trailed off as he fiddled with his fingers, his eyes darting between you and the floor.

“So you pick yourself up,” you stood, “dust yourself off,” rested a hand on his shoulder, “and start all over again.” You smiled as you watched the corners of his lips pull upwards, knowing full well you were intentionally quoting Swing Time. “All those things you did... you really need to start remembering they weren’t you.” You let out a sigh. “I can’t even imagine the kind of hell being a passenger in your own body would be...But I do know what life is like being stuck with a body you hate.”

Bucky’s brow arched as he gave you a disbelieving look. “Doll, I don’t think I’ve met anyone as proud of who they are as you are.”

“Yeah, sure, now...but it didn’t start out that way.” You let out a chuckle as you recalled your teenage self. “Bet you wouldn’t believe once upon a time I hated rainbows.”

“Then you got your power and it was so cool?” He knew that wasn’t the answer, but sometimes seeing you it sure felt that way.

“No, then I got my power and my hair turned to this….I spent a full year just trying to keep my hair the blonde it once was so I wouldn’t get in trouble at school!” You paused chuckling at old memories. “I even spent half an afternoon trying to bleach my hair…” You flipped your head downward, letting the rainbow cascade around you before pulling back the strands revealing damaged scarred skin underneath. “If you look you can still see the scars from the chemical burns on my scalp.” You flipped your head back up. “That was about when mom agreed to send me to Xavier’s...from which I tried to run away...twice.”

“Wow Doll, I never knew…” He trailed off simply amazed before looking you up and down, covered in every color from head to toe just as he always knew you. “So what changed your mind?”

“I realized that you can’t really be who you are meant to be until you accept the things that make you who you are.” You answered as you picked up one of Tony’s discarded Ironman arms. “And that’s the whole point of this party.” You added with a smirk as you playfully hit the arm against Bucky. “No one should feel like they need to hide who they are!” Bucky’s lips tugged upward as he let your words settle in deeply...he couldn’t change who he was now, this arm was part of him whether he wanted it or not...maybe it was time he let it.  

“Hey…” He more breathed the word than spoke it, “I think I have an idea.” He reached out for the arm. “Can I see that?” He asked with a boyish smile like you’ve never seen on him before. The once deadly assassin actually looked innocent as he held his hand out for it. “Please?” With a shrug you handed it to him, watching as he slipped it on, his smile growing. “How about I go as Ironman?” Though you both tried you just couldn’t hold a straight face.

“That is the BEST idea!” You exclaimed through the laughter. “You know Tony’ll hate it.” You added, the thought of his face driving you both to only laugh all the harder.

~ ~ ~ ~

Later that night Bucky tossed and turned in a cold sweat, his subconscious berating him over all the horrible things he had done, tormenting him with the memories of the pain both physical and mental as his body was made into a puppet. He may no longer be the fist of HYDRA but that dark dominating force was in there deep down and it loved to remind him that there was no getting rid of it, only suppress it...and even then all it took was ten words to bring it back. His eyes snapped open as he screamed out, sitting up under his sheets he looked down to the twist of metal and flesh of his scar that made him who he was now. He looked on it with disgust, reminding himself that he hated what HYDRA made him into as he felt his heart rate return back to normal, forcing his mind to remember that he was the one in control, Bucky, and no one else.

By now you had grown used to the screams, on a normal night you’d be able to sleep through it, but his night terrors weren’t what was keeping you up tonight. For the first time in years you felt the flapping of butterfly wings against your stomach as you began to over analyze the song list you had turned into Warren days ago...was it good enough? Were you really good enough for this? What would happen after? Would Ali Blaire like it? Worry and fret raced through your mind keeping sleep far from you.

To push it from your mind you did the only thing you could think of; hopping off your bed you hooked your microphone to the computer and pulled up your recording program...hopefully the sound of Bucky sleeping wouldn’t be picked up. Time to finish that labor of love. You added the guitar to the track last week, now all that was left was your voice.

Bucky’s panting breath slowed as the music drifted from your room into his, the most lovely rendition of Somewhere Over The Rainbow he’s heard since Judy Garland soothing him as he climbed from the bed to follow the sounds to you. He watched you for a moment, amazed as he leaned his nearly bare frame against your always open door. “You have an audience,” he warned, having learned from the last time he startled you.

“Oh! Buck! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” You looked up from your still recording program with remorseful eyes, making note of how the dim lights of the hall caught the metal of his arm and gave his muscles a heavenly shine. It’s amazing that when you dislike someone on a personal level your mind blocks out all the beauty in their outward appearance, but as he slowly grew on you you began to see little hints of a beautiful man before you.

His dark hair still glistening with sweat clung to his face as he shook his head. “It wasn’t you that woke me.” His eyes drifted down to his prosthetic hand as the fingers curled open and closed, as if he was telling himself that it’s his arm. “But you won’t hear any complaints out of me about you singing Doll.” One corner of his lips pulled upward in a surprisingly charming smile. “What about you? You have that big show tomorrow.”

You let out a sigh as you hit the button to stop the recording before standing to stretch out, hints of your colorful tattoos peeking out from under your shirt as the hem rose just high enough to show off your skin. “I guess neither one of us are meant to sleep tonight. Honestly I don’t know what’s up with me. I haven’t had stage fright since I was umm...five.”

“Well seems like this is a pretty big deal for you.” He watched as you sat on the edge of your bed, hesitating a moment before joining you, feeling like it was just the right thing to do.

“Huge deal actually.” You muttered as your head came to rest on the metal of his shoulder. He watched you gravitate to it, amazed that you found it at all comfortable. But it was...it was cool against your skin, the whirring of the gears and robotics inside playing a soothing lullaby calming all your nerves...it was just what you needed. “Have you ever known that you were about to meet your idol? It’s exciting and terrifying and…” you trailed off with a huff as Bucky’s cool eyes looked around your room, for the first time finding himself on this side of the threshold, studying the pictures on your wall of friends and family, making note of the posters.

“Yeah, I have… But it’s not so bad if you remind yourself that she’s just a person like everyone else.” Smooth cool metallic fingers rubbed your forearm comfortingly.

“So who was it for you?” You asked with a half smile, finding that despite yourself you felt a little better in the strength of his arm.

“Honestly,” he paused giving you a comforting glace, “you.” Your brow arched in disbelief as you looked up to him, searching for the joke behind this. With a chuckle he tightened his metallic grip on you just a bit. “Really...Those songs of yours always seem to help when I have one of those dreams.” Your eyes widened hearing this, to think of your music doing good for someone the way that Ali’s did for you...and just like that all the worry seemed to fade.

You slid out of his arm as you stood, turning an outstretched hand to him. “Come on Buck, lets get you back to bed.” Unlike your cluttered mess of a room Bucky’s was extremely minimalistic, only the essentials, though you did take note of the backpack stuffed with notebooks by his bed. Your fingers brushed against his long hair lightly, discovering how soft it was as Over The Rainbow lulled him off into a more peaceful dream.

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@sillydecoy​

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[hongism]

my essay is here🤩🤩🤩 i wish i could put a “read more” break in this things and i hope i’m not bothering anyone too much with how long this is ;;;;; - 🦔

PLS NEVER EVER A BOTHER I PROMISE HEH I'LL USE A READ MORE FOR THE SAKE OF SPACE DON'T WORRY!!! AND I’LL ALSO ANSWER IN A POST HERE INSTEAD BC ITS GONNA BE LONG LONG I CAN PUT THE READ MORE FOR US

let's get this mfing BREAD im so excited i love reading your essays no matter what they are T-T

hyunwoo picking up on jisung’s bullshit and how he’s manipulating (?) mc??? 👁👁 so mc always wanted to kill the king bc of her memories, but after hyunwoo took the blame for her for something she killed him for killing hyunwoo???? i recall mc went to jail for stealing documents, could those be about the serum so she could learn how to get her memories back??? which is also why hyunwoo took the blame for her (assuming it’s bc of these documents) bc he already had contacts from other planets which could make him look guiltier than mc?????

i know the ENTIRE timeline of these flashbacks is SO confusing right now i am gonna compile them and put them in chronological order so it can hopefully make more sense and help piece things together better so LOOK FORWARD TO THAT TOMORROW!! it will help a lot with understand the flashbacks and the timing of them i PROMISE but a key piece of info is in the previous chapter where y/n mentions how the military wants to make things seem consensual and agreed to when using the serum!!

THAT HWA AND MC MOMENT I’M <///3 YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME WHEN THEY HAVE THAT CONVO IN THE FUTURE I WILL BE C R U S H E D 💔💔💔

u know i had to do it to them </3 hwa and mc moment </3 it's time for </3 growth </3 and forward movement </3 PAIN IS NECESSARY SOMETIMES!!!

JONGHO AND MC <////3 ugh day 1899273 of telling everyone just how much i love their relationship AND WHAT JONGHO DID FOR SAN AFTER THE MUTINY?????????? I AM PAIN “his heart is too big, he has too much love in his body for such a thing” 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

JONGHO IS THE NEVERENDING BEST BOY he really do be my baby thru and thru (along with san) day 3498723948234 of pushing the best boy agenda for these two <3 jongho and san have such a !!! special relationship that we haven’t really gotten a chance to delve into but this was a wee glimpse </3 our dearest san is full of love and nothing else </3

seonghwa my poor baby :((((((( ugh hearing all that from hongjoong is so <///////3 “he put his own monsters under the bed, but now he can’t get them out” this part still gives me so many chills even if i already read it in the spoiler :(((((( and poor yeosang must be so stressed from how tense he is on the way to the mission :(((((((((

anytime i make hongjoong talk about seonghwa i cry a lil inside believe u me it’s Painful GAH im glad that line was impactful it’s 100% one of my absolute faves i’ve ever written mmm delightful i really love it and sweet yeosang :(( i like to hurt myself and think that he was hurting a lot worse than what y/n saw on the outside and it was v much terrible for him ;;-;

“but your pain was too much for even me to bear” NOOOOOOOOOO :(

NOOOOOOOOO I KNOW IM SORRY PAIN ONLY PAIN

SOOJIN?????????

SOOJIN!!!!!!!!!!

WOOYOUNG!!!!!! :((((((( NOOOOOO “more scars to add to my collection, and more for yeosang to cry over probably” IM SO BROKEN BUT IM SO HAPPY HES BACK

WOOYOUNG!!! i always have to fucking HAMMER the pain in i know im SORRY BUT ghurIHSFGKL ITS WORTH IT!

I KNOW THE SOFT SINGING AND THE DREAM IN GENERAL WOOYOUNG DESCRIBED IS IMPORTANT BUT I HAVE ONE BRAINCELL SO I DON’T KNOW HOW

IS IT IMPORTANT? IS IT? OR PERHAPS COULD IT BE! A REFERENCE TO PERHAPS MYTHOLOGICAL SIRENS!! HMHMHM??? OR IS IT IMPORTANT AFTER ALL?

YEOSANG CHOSE WOOYOUNG 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 “i’ve grown to accept that even if i don’t believe i deserve it” STOP I LOVE MOC WOOSANG SO MUCH 💔💔💔

YEOSANG! CHOSE! WOOYOUNG! 😭 you can clearly see how much i SIMP for moc woosang guess who owns my whole heart? it's woosang.

“it may be selfish, but i don’t want you to push me away. i would rather be hurt and still have you in my life rather than to be perfectly fine without you” AM I CLOWNING OR IS THIS FROM A MEMORY OF SAN

HMHMMHMMM U ARE NOT CLOWNING INDEED IT IS

ugh that convo with wooyoung :(((( my brain is also too small to figure out what daichi is up to but i’m also so excited to see what mc’s (and woohwa’s) other powers are; we’ve seen a bit of those back in act 2/3(?) with san’s former captain (?) but aaaaaaaa

ur brain is NOT SMALL! daichi's plans and intentions aren't clear yet and haven't been addressed so if you managed to figure out what's going on i would be absolutely floored and slightly terrified as well bc i haven't let anyone see my planning doc for moc 😳 but! now that we got woo back we can have some siren progress and see some more of those powers and abilities yeehee which we've seen in act 1 and act 2 then once with seonghwa in the dreamscape in act 3!

:((((( the collar :((((( so yeosang’s father used woo once as a siphon for his siren powers? :(((( grrr gonna commit murder

the collar :(( i wasn't planning on talking about it so early? but it just kinda happened and it worked and i rolled with it bc moc chooses what it wants i do nothing ogijadfoigjadfg BUT yeah we'll get more in detail with that stuff later on but overall moc yeosang's parents fucking SUCK

WHAT WHAT WHAT SO SHE DIDNT KILL THE KING AFTER HYUNWOO WAS KILLED??? MOC JISUNG U BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER WHERE ARE YOU!!!!! HE REPLACED HER FUCKING MEMORIES WITH FAKE ONES THAT BITCHASS OKAY IVE DECIDED I LIKE SOOJIN I HOPE SHES NOT JUST FAKING ALL THIS :(((( SO IS THIS WHAT HYUNWOO AND JISUNG DID TO MC IN HER FLASHBACK FROM AN EARLIER CHAPTER???????? BUT THEN WHY DID HYUNWOO DIE????? DID HE STILL TAKE THE BLAME FOR MC STEALING THE DOCUMENTS AND KILLING THE KING???? AND DOES JISUNG HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT SO HYUNWOO WOULDNT BE ALIVE TO TELL MC WHAT REALLY HAPPENED???? BUT THEN WHY WOULD HYUNWOO AGREE TO WIPE HER MEMORIES A SECOND TIME????? DID JISUNG SOMEHOW MANAGE TO MANIPULATE HIM INTO THINKING IT WOULD HELP MC???????

indeed she did NOT kill the king after hyunwoo was killed teateatea jisung and hyunwoo definitely did something, and that something has been alluded to in past flashbacks and i'll be including those in the flashback timeline im doing BUT it will make tons of sense once you see them all side by side and in order HMHMHM lots of GOOD THEORIES HERE MHM

“stop, that’s weird! it looks weird, yeo, please! It looks like you’re trying to su—“ ah yes a little humour to relieve the anger i feel for jisung and the sadness i feel for soojin :’)))))

HUMOR :D SEX JOKES :D BLOW JOB JOKES :D relieving pain and anger day by day!

“we’ll get YOUR san back” I AM SOBBING CALY WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

I WILL SAY IT AGAIN WITH PASSION "WE'LL GET Y O U R SAN BACK" intentional for PAIN

WDYM A PART 16 NEXT CHAPTER IM— 😧😧😧😧 MISS CALY YOU CANT JUST DROP THAT AND DIP

PART 16 MY BELOVED WHOM I CANNOT LET GO OF <3 YET AGAIN RETURNING TO THE DARK STUFF <3 HEHE BUT IT'S NOT WHAT U THINK I GUARANTEE THAT! san isn't involved at all this time !!!!

[the-curse-of-fantasy]

Hateful Love - Chapter 6 (Draco Malfoy)

The wolf slowly stopped in front of Bailey and gently nudged her arm with it’s nose. When the wolf didn’t get any kind of response, it closed it’s eyes and howled. Once it finished howling it circled around Bailey and lied beside her with it’s head opposite hers. It put it’s paw on her side as it stayed in the storm with Bailey. 

Three people were approaching the room everyone was in. The people were professor Snape, professor McGonagall and professor Dumbledore. They slowly walked into the room and saw the state of the place. Seeing the wolf and Bailey lying on the floor, Draco and Mr Thompson on the other side of the room from her and Steven’s wand as the only remaining thing of him. 

They all slowly walked around the room. Draco and Mr Thompson shot up with a gasp, both looking confused and concerned. Draco checked over his body, finding no sign of him even being hurt. He looked down at his arm as it burned and saw the Elves of Fyn healing symbol slowly fade into his skin. McGonagall walked over to them and both helped them up.  

McGonagall-”It’s good to see you, Jason”

Mr Thompson smiled slightly. 

Draco-”Where’s Bailey?”

McGonagall looked at professor Dumbledore who had just stood in front of the wolf and Bailey. 

Draco-”Is she okay?”

Draco’s voice was full of panic and concern. 

Mr Thompson-” Albus, is she okay? Where is she?”

Dumbledore-”Snape, take Draco back to Hogwarts”

Draco-”No! I’ve got to see her! I’ve got to make sure she’s okay!”

Snape pulled Draco away despite his shouts of protest to stay. McGonagall walked to Dumbledore with Mr Thompson beside her. The wolf looked up at the three and whined. 

Dumbledore-”You did everything you could to protect her”

The wolf put his head back onto the floor. The three looked at Bailey’s life less body and all bowed their head. Mr Thompson thought for a second as he recalled the line from the book. 

Mr Thompson-”She can survive”

Both professors looked at him confused. 

Mr Thompson-”The book said... But until then, this girl is safe, from all damage including death and fate... that curse is the only thing keeping alive”

McGonagall-”We’ve got to get her back to Hogwarts”

Dumbledore-”No, there’s no time. There’s a time limit on these type of things. Bailey’s get to get the right spell on her in a certain amount of time for her to survive”

Mr Thompson-”We’ve got to take her to my place. I’ve got all the thing”

The wolf stood up and stretched it’s back. Dumbledore looked at the wolf. 

Dumbledore-”You have got to run faster than you have before, through the woods and to the cabin”

Dumbledore carefully picked her up and Mr Thompson sat on the back of the wolf and Dumbledore lied Bailey across his lap and on the wolf and McGonagall took her robe off and lied it over Bailey’s body. 

Dumbledore-”We’ll go back to Hogwarts, inform the students. Especially Mr Malfoy”

Dumbledore looked back at the wolf. 

Dumbledore-”Her life is depending on you. Go save your sister”

The wolf snarled and started running at high speed. Running out the bank and taking shortcuts to the wood, then running through them like it was nothing. Dodging away from trees, even with the rain, the storm and how dark it was, it was running like it was running the pathways for decades. After a few minutes of running a pack of 10 wolves started running with them. Like they were cheering on the wolf carrying Mr Thompson and Bailey. 

Mr Thompson-”Ash!”

The wolf ran faster with a low growl, causing Mr Thompson to hold on tighter. He looked down at Bailey in his arms. 

Mr Thompson-”Hang in there, Bailey”

The wolves ran up to the cabin and Mr Thompson carried her inside and lied her down on a bed in the back of the house. He started running around the house, finding the supplies he needed to get Bailey back. The wolves surrounded the house, to guard it and make sure no one interrupted. While all the wolves were stood outside, pacing around the house, the auburn wolf was always scoping out the area and then sitting by the front door. They were protecting Bailey and he was certain to let no one touch her. 

Dumbledore and McGonagall walked into the room and started helping with mixing the ingredients. 

McGonagall-”Do you think this will work?”

Mr Thompson-”I hope so. I can’t afford to lose her. She’s like a daughter to me”

Dumbledore-”Then we better be quick, the moons almost up. Ash will give us the signal with a howl”

They started surrounding Bailey with berries that came from a blackthorn bush and they lied her wand on her chest. Mr Thompson poured some of the liquid into her mouth and then sprinkles some onto her skin. He put the things down and sighed just before the wold howled. Mr Thompson closed his eyes as he started chanting the paragraph long spell. A black and green mist surrounded Bailey and when the spell was done the mist flew into her hand and onto the arrow scar but another scar appeared on her wrist. Bailey’s chest rose and fell as she started breathing again. McGonagall sighed with relief as she let out a nervous chuckle. 

Mr Thompson-”Oh, thank you”

He mumbled his words to himself and the professors were quickly gone before she woke up. 

Bailey woke up with a gasp and her hands trembling. She looked around and as soon as she saw Mr Thompson she hugged him as a few tears left her eyes. 

Bailey-”I’m so happy you’re alive. I didn’t know if it was going to work”

Mr Thompson-”I’m okay”

Bailey-”Where’s Draco?”

She pulled away from him and stood up, her body was still week and achy. 

Mr Thompson-”Bailey, relax. Draco’s alive. He’s fine. You need to heal. Go take a shower, we’ll get some food into your system and some sleep and then you can go back to school”

Bailey nodded in agreement and they did just that. Bailey had a show and washed all the dried blood and dirt off her skin, every wound was there but with the water flowing over her body, they closed up but left scars. Some were to deep to close but they healed, just not fully. She had food and she got a good night sleep with no nightmares. Bailey was still beaten up with every bruise and cut on her body but she looked healthy and she was alive, that’s what mattered. 

Mr Thompson-”You’ll write to me, yeah?”

Bailey-”Definitely. I’ll visit you every chance that I get”

Mr Thompson-”Be careful out there, kid. We don’t know if that was the end”

Bailey-”I know”

Bailey looked down at the floor. 

Mr Thompson-”Is something bothering you?”

Bailey-”He called me a killer... and I killed him. I proved him right”

Mr Thompson-”Bailey, you saved two lives, you are not a killer” 

Bailey nodded slightly and went on her way back to Hogwarts. When she arrived at Hogwarts, things changed. People noticed her and spoke to her more but that soon stopped quickly when they remembered that it was partly her fault that it happened. 

Everyone was in The Great Hall talking amongst themselves. Harry, Hermione and Ron talking about the danger of what Bailey went through. Others around the hall talking about Bailey. Some good. Some bad. Bailey was sat at her Slytherin table in her uniform but with a cut on her bottom lip, her forehead and her cheekbone as well as a bruise on her cheek bone and a bruise on her chin with cutes and wounds still scattering her body and the Elves of Fry healing symbol scared on her forearm. Her knuckles cut up, her arms with scratches on as well as her legs and also her hand wrapped up with a bandage with a little bit of blood seeping through. She was in immense pain but she wouldn't let it show. 

Draco’s chin was in the palm of his hand and his eyes were on the bandage wrapped around Bailey’s hand and the marks on her knuckles. He couldn’t help but feel guilty and have this massive urge to huge her right there and now. He looked at Bailey and saw the marks on her face, he swallowed a small lump in his throat before she looked at him and he looked back at the bandage but he had to keep his reputation. 

Draco-”Nice face, Coleman”

He took his hand away from his face and smirked slightly, referring that the marks makes her look better. Bailey smiled sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. They both smiled to themselves when everyone became quiet as Professor McGonagall tapped her spoon on her glass. 

Dumbledore stood up and put his hands out so everyone looked at him. He said the standard. Said how well this year as been, announced the points of each house and to no surprise, Gryffindor won. 

Dumbledore-"I'd like to hand out personal points to three students in Gryffindor. Hermione Granger is rewarded 10 points for bravery and using her knowledge for the good. Ron Weasley for loyalty and courage and Harry potter for nobleness and loyalty. That leaves Gryffindor on 4965 points"

People applauded and cheered for the table. 

Dumbledore-"I'd like to hand out points to a certain someone in Slytherin--"

Everyone started mumbling in The Great Hall. Confused. Bailey looked down her table, wondering why any of them would get rewarded points. Draco looked at Bailey causing his breathing to hitch as her eyes locked with his for a split second. 

Dumbledore-"I'd like to reward Bailey Coleman--"

Bailey's eyes widened slightly as she took her eyes off her glass and put them on Dumbledore, blushing from embarrassment with just her name being called for points. All eyes went on her and she let out a shaky sigh. 

Dumbledore-"Bailey Coleman went on one of the most difficult quests anyone has been on in the centuries of Hogwarts. Even more difficult than what any of us have been on."

He gestured to all the professors sat along side each other. 

Dumbledore-"Now, Bailey had one of the hardest decisions to make. Let the school be destroyed, or save all of us. Bailey was the only person that could do it. She made the right choice. Not only did she battle creatures beyond what we knew existed but she also battled with herself. Pushed herself along the whole way and defeated everything to keep our school safe again. Many of you... most of you have a grudge against Ms Coleman because of how she is--"

Bailey-"Oh god"

Bailey mumbled to herself as she put her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes from more embarrassment. Draco let out a small snigger as he smiled to himself. 

Dumbledore-"Cursed. Angry. Chaotic. I like to think of Bailey as enchanted. She did you all a good thing. A remarkable and incredible thing. She put her life before all of yours. She sacrificed herself to save a close family friend but as well as student in this hall who snuck out and will be getting detentions for it”

Bailey looked at Draco and he was already looking at her. She raised an eyebrow as a small smile appeared on her lips before she looked back at the Professor. 

Dumbledore-"So, for loyalty, bravery, using her knowledge correctly, being noble, courage, intelligent, strong, productive, generous... and for putting her life in front of everyone's in this school and protecting us... I reward her 150 points. Leaving Slytherin on 5115 points"

The Slytherin table jumped up cheering and jumping of joy as Dumbledore changed the flags to Slytherin. Everyone surrounded Bailey as they got applauded for by a few people, including Harry, Hermione and Ron. 

Ron-"She deserves it"

Harry-"She really does"

Hermione-"She is something"

Everyone sat back down and Bailey rolled her shoulders to get less tense. Draco smiled slightly and reached into his pocket which reminded him of her ring. The feast went on longer than normal in celebration of Bailey’s survival and night time came around quickly, although, Bailey couldn’t sleep. Bailey roamed the halls until she saw Draco leaning, looking over a balcony. She walked up to him and mirrored his position, finishing with a sigh. 

Bailey-”Hey”

Her voice was soft and quiet. 

Draco-”Why are you here?”

Bailey-”Look, I saved you. I healed you. I should be getting a thank you”

Bailey smiled to let him know she was joking and he returned the smiled. 

Bailey-”What brings you out here?”

Draco-”Can’t sleep”

Bailey-”Yeah, me neither”

The conversation was dry until something personal slipped out about manipulation. 

Bailey-”We were born in a messed up century, Malfoy. We're gonna be manipulated and abused. People are going to associate us as rebellious and mentally deficient...  so... what I've learnt and decided to do is... be rebellious and mentally deficient. If they want something to run away from, then I'm gonna give them something to run away from. And that's been my motto since I was 5. It's worked well so far"

He nodded slightly as Bailey let out a defeated sigh. 

Bailey-"Look, I'm never going to understand what kind of crap you're going through but... I can tell you this. We both grew up in rough patches with manipulation and fear. It was like we had this disease and anyone that came near us would rather be seen dead. So, one day, I thought, "Screw it"... "If they're gonna run from me for no reason then I'm gonna give them a reason to run." And so I gave them a reason to run. Why have the ability to do something if your not going use it?"

Draco looked at Bailey as she looked at the sky. His eyes scanned the side of her face and followed her jawline. He looked at her lips and then at her eyes which caused his heart to flutter. His breathing hitched as she let out a deep sigh. He looked back at the sky and sighed. 

Draco-"Coleman, I've got a confession"

Bailey-"That doesn't sound like a good thing"

Draco ignored her comment and she looked at him and he kept his eyes on the sky. He hesitated for a few seconds, thinking of how to say things.

Draco-"Bailey... I--"

He cut himself off with a sigh. Bailey swallowed a small lump in her throat, knowing it was serious because of him calling her "Bailey". They both looked at the sky and stayed in silence for a few seconds before Bailey spoke up. 

Bailey-"Draco... um--"

Draco-"Why are you doing this?"

Bailey-"Doing what?"

They both looked at each other. 

Draco-"Treating me like a person"

Bailey starred into his icy blue eyes for a few seconds. 

Bailey-"Because I know how it feels to be called a monster and for everyone to hate you”

Draco stood up straight and swiftly and from his sudden movement, Bailey took a step back, leaving her leant against one of the support beams. Draco slowly leaned in, brushing his lips with Bailey’s to make sure that he didn’t hurt her because of the cuts and when she showed no sign of pain, he gently placed his lips on hers as he put his hand on the side of her neck. 

To his surprise, Bailey kissed him back. She put her hands behind her back against the wood of the support beam as their lips stayed pressed together. Draco traced his thumb over Bailey's cold skin then slowly pulled away. His icy blue eyes met with her emerald green ones. They both swallowed small lumps in their throats as Draco moved his hand away from her skin. 

Draco-"Your cold"

His voice was barely above a whisper. 

Bailey-"I'm always cold. That's what happens when your cursed"

Bailey smiled slightly as Draco's eyes flickered down to her lips then back to her eyes.

Bailey-”If this is your way of thanking me for saving your dumb arse... then I think I’m going to be a lot nicer and more helpful”

They both smiled.

Draco-”As long as your way of saying your welcome is the same way I thank you”

Bailey-”Deal”

Bailey pouted her lips slightly as her body relaxed. Draco smiled to himself and moved a strand of hair behind her ear. He slowly pecked her lips one last time with his hand brushing against her. While their lips were still pressed together, Draco took his robe off and pulled it over Bailey’s shoulders. She pulled away and gently bit her bottom lip. 

Bailey-”Smooth one, Malfoy”

Draco-”With many more to come”

He raised his eyebrows as Bailey smiled to herself. He left a lingering kiss on her forehead before walking away. Bailey walked the opposite way and they both looked back at the same time with smiles on their faces. When Bailey got back to her solitary room, she wrote Mr Thompson a letter, like she promised. 

________________________________________________________________

This might be the final part, I’m not too sure but I had a lot of fun writing it. It’s not the best but the story line was fun to think about. Enjoy reading and please lend feedback if it is needed. 

Have a nice day! 

Enjoy! 

[d-wntherabbithole]

For the past 6 months I have done what most would call shadow work. I was put in a situation where I had two chooses. One I can allow the circumstances I am currently in to solidify the unworthiness I feel internally or I can do some deep cleaning. It has been one hell of a ride. I have dug so deep within myself. So many intense experiences but I stuck it out. Why? For myself. For my future self. For the people I love and want to love. Let me make something clear this enlightenment came with so much pain. Pain I was scared to face. I had been running so long when I finally stopped it felt like I was hit my a train.

But now I find myself catching things (even if it takes a while) and truly reflecting. Things I never thought I can do. I am very proud of myself. I am no longer ashamed of my past nor do I cling on to it to victimize myself. Simply now I reflect and have gained so much insight from it all regardless of how painful the lessons were. I AM a better person for it.

Let me start off with how for so long I have always tormented myself with the things others have held over my head, whether it be some mistakes I have made, or things others have done. I have always lived my life with this idea that I always needed to compromise myself and what I want to please other people. Since I could recall I always found myself in situations whether it be family like (my siblings or my parents) or friends even boyfriends where I was always over compensating, always needing to do the most to prove I am worthy of thier love, affection, time, consideration.

Constantly going against the grain of my own heart because I believed if I didn’t I would end up with nothing. I mean I learned this idea from my father, not directly but with his action or should I say lack there of. He abandon my mother and her children not just me. But nonetheless his absence left me in ruins. I was left trying to teach myself what a mans love should look like and I never had good examples. So of course you could imagine how my adolescent and teenage years looked like. After my father and all that truama the second most traumatic experience I had with a “man” was in 4th grade where I had a math teacher that was my tutor after school and on two occasions he molested me. I’ll never forget the words he whispered to me as he did it “ no one will believe you if you tell” he was right. I remember finally confessing to my mom what happen she was anger so we went in for a school meeting. I remember sitting in the room with the principle and expressing what happen and she actually had the nerve to tell me “no honey. I’m sure there is a miss understanding I know him he would never do that” I remember vividly feeling so confused. Thinking to myself maybe she is right it must be me once again I found myself doubting myself. On one hand losing all faith in myself and on the other losing all trust in others. I was this sweet, kind hearted baby girl that felt like she had the world on her shoulders.

The gap between this experience and the next big one was long but definitely not uneventful. Full of hatred from my sibling ( which we’re going through their own suffering but nonetheless this is my truth) one sided friendships, misguiding teachers.

Side note: Isn’t it unfortunate we all have a habit of taking the most from the worst of things. At least I can say for myself I find it much easier to think of the negative experiences then the uplifting ones. Now as an adult is when I am much more mindful of focusing on the positive.

So the next banger was my shit choices for boyfriends. Haven’t had many to begin with but there’s one that left a really painful scar. I dated him through highschool and a bit of my first years of college. As I am sure you can tell from above I had a fucked up image of myself and what honest pure love was so supposed to be (honestly still trying to learn what love is). So imagine my dismise when I ended up with a kid that was an extreme darker version of me. Double the insecure, constantly needing validation from everyone, misguided anger for his father and the world. Ashamed of who he was. I can go on but I think it’s obvious where this is going. He was just like me but intensified. I was just the weaker version of him because as a girl I felt like I was stripped of any form of confidence I had. So I thought oh yeah this seems right this is love. I mean if I am going based off experience where love is something I have to fight out of the people I love or just simply dealing with passive aggressive people & being “understanding” then yeah that seems about right. So I fought on like I always do. Over extending myself always giving giving giving. Slowly stripping away at the baby girl inside that was already so hurt. This guy mentally and physically abused me. Cheated on me left and right. Me being weak I always took him back. It was literally like I had blinders on. Till finally the anger set in. There was a shift. Once I finally said enough the first chance he got he left. There was still something inside me that wanted my justification so I tried to get it out of him. So much resistance. For months it was this ugly back and fourth. Till finally the radio went dead.

At that point I was a 20 year old kid that truly had no idea what the fuck was going on. But I will tell you I was full of pain, rage and fear. I was angry at so many things I didn’t even know where to start. I mean imagine just based on my short story above I had a lot of things pent up. I since a little girl taught myself how to suppress everything. I mean I had no other choose. My family didn’t listen, my friends didn’t understand. I felt alone in this world.

What came after this was what I would like to call the beginning to my end. I was slowly approaching the end of my rope. I was reckless. Imagine a little girl full of sadness, pain and anger stirring me. I was a tornado like someone once called me. But you know those are short lived. Then you’re left with all the damage and destruction you caused. That’s when the unraveling began. All the demons I tucked away so deeply started spewing out of the seems of my soul. There was no hiding it anymore. I had so much hurt inside me there was no explaining it.

You know when you are angry with someone but you keep pushing it aside but then they do one little insignificant thing and it blows the cap off. Then everyone looks at you like tf this bitch is crazy lol.

Well that’s what happen. My soul said to me. You have ran enough. Down the line I was even hospitalized for a failing kidney. It was one of the wildest experiences ever. Felt like my body gave up on me. It was receptive to nothing. Spiritually it felt like I was being reborn after it all pasted. If I can find the words one day to explain the experience I will. But I still can’t.

I met someone in the mist of all this ugly, unfortunately. A guy that could see through all the masks I was wearing. A guy that I can remember vividly telling me regularly “I can see you’re acting so hard but I can tell you are very soft on the side” I didn’t like it. I thought the “hardness” he was referring too was my protection. I had been hurt so many times I knew nothing else. I said unfortunately because sadly he met me at my absolute worst.

But I now know God put a person like that in my life for a purpose. I know the experiences him and I went through in the beginning are things I am not proud of. But it exposed me. I used to think it exposed me to the world so I felt judged but I know now what it truly did was expose that version of me to myself. Kinda like a look what you have become type of thing. See what your sadness has caused. Sadly at the expense of people that I love. But nonetheless it was the beginning of my awakening. God put all these people I spoke of above and many more I didn’t mention good and bad for a reason.

Point of sharing all this is because through my shadow work I have taught myself to look at what I have been through as my journey. It is what made me the woman I am today. Regardless of how painful. So sharing it here even if I know no one is gonna see it. It is subconsciously a way of facing my shame, or fear of judgement. My experience/past is what molded me. Don’t like it? It makes you uncomfortable? You wouldn’t have done it? well then you’re not for me. Whether you’re family, friends I have had for years or a partner. We are all on our own path. What is meant for you won’t pass you by.

For SO LONG I felt so ashamed, unworthy, always in lack. Like everything I have done, my parents, the way people have treated me defined me as a person you know?

But it feels so good to finally over come that frame of mind. I can see I have changed when I see things, read things, remember things now that would usually trigger the fuck out of me.

It is liberating to release myself from this grip. Even when I feel some type of way now the way I take it in is different.

From all this I have learned that those things from my past that I was so fucking ashamed of does NOT define me.

I hope through my own lessons I can teach or help those I love or anyone for that matter. Just simply help people understand that no matter how ugly the past is you have the power to change your future. I would love to assist and motivate people to love & believe in themselves. I wanna see people growing, happy and truly at peace with themselves. I know now if I want something I must become it.

The love & validation you seek from others is all within. Once I realized that is when I noticed I need no one. I am not afraid to stand alone. That is when I truly began to live freely. I will admit it is so hard because living in uncertainty is scary but it’s knowing that you’re all you need is a beautiful feeling.

If anything when you learn to let go of the pain and love yourself like you wish all those people around you would you learn how to truly value the people around you.

All in all I am grateful for my life and who I am. I am grateful for those who were kind to me. I am grateful for those who mistreated and misunderstand me. I am grateful for it all now.

I know now truly that I deserve love, respect , compassion & understanding. I feel fullness in my heart because I choose to give all those things to myself. I have faith that good, whole hearted people will find me. Those who have the same drive as me and are willing to give me everything I am willing to give.

What you give you get. That goes for the good and bad you put out. You will rep what you sow.

God has done so many beautiful things for me even in the mist of my worst moments and for that I forever grateful.

I am a good woman. I gotta remind myself to be proud of that more often. I am growing into the woman that I can say I am proud of and I did it all on my own.

Woke up feeling all this. Something in my heart told me to release it.

Here is to endless growth, healing and self love.



[real-life-pine-tree]

Arc-V Aftermath: Butterfly Connections (16/26)

When all is said and done, things have quickly recovered in the four dimensions. But when weird things start happening, the Yu-Salad Boys and the Bracelet Girls quickly realize they have some loose ends to fix. Co-written with @violetganache42​.

WARNING: Dub names will be featured in the story.

With the Team Duel Tournament slowly inching closer to its grand day, all twelve participating teams have been working extremely hard to prepare themselves for the big day. Team Noble, on the other hand, hasn't been fairing well recently. Lulu was still healing from her back surgery, anxiously and desperately waiting for the day she makes a full recovery, preferably before the tournament starts. Shay made plans to have Yugo check his prosthetic leg; his parents gave him a day off to make sure it gets repaired, so he decided to use it tomorrow. Yuto was also deducing from a list of XYZ Duelists which one will be the team's stand-in. With all three members forced to face their own problems, they may not be fully prepared to compete.

At the moment, Yuto was getting frustrated. He tried to find good XYZ Duelists to see if any of them would make a good stand-in, but due to Shay and Lulu coming from a high background, anyone he met became too scared, fearing their cards weren't on the same level as the Obsidian siblings. So right now, things weren't looking good for him.

As a breather, he decided to go somewhere to take his mind off of this and relax. Maybe the local museum the Yu-Salad went to? At this point, he needed anything to lower his frustration and focus on something else for a little while, so the museum may be the best place to go.

At the museum, Yuto was still a bit upset. His best friend and girlfriend were counting on him to find a stand-in, but he couldn't. He didn't want his team to get disqualified, but what could he do?

Frustrated, Yuto pounded his fist against a display case. "I wish there was a way to fix this," he confessed out loud, leaning his head against the display case. "I wish I could be helpful to my team. I wish..." He let out a frustrated sigh. "I wish things were back to normal!"

"You seem rather distressed."

Yuto heard an adult female voice and turned around to see where it came from. He noticed a tan-skinned, blue-eyed woman with straight black hair that went below her shoulder and two locks wrapped in gold rings, stopping past her neck. She also had a gold head wear around her head that had an emerald on the front of her forehead. She wore a white, ankle-length dress that partially exposed her shoulders, having black patterns around the neck and rims of the sleeves, and a pair of white flats. She even had some sort of golden Egyptian necklace. Who was this woman? Is she one of the museum's employees or was she visiting as well?

"Sorry," Yuto said, stepping away from the display case. "I have a lot on my mind. I'm-"

"You are Yuto Osaku," the woman said. "The fragment of Zarc Nightstone who is loving and compassionate."

Yuto was a bit baffled. "How...?"

"My apologies," the woman said. "I have heard about you and your other selves from the news. You four are taking part in an upcoming tournament, correct?"

Yuto nodded his head, still left a bit speechless on how she easily knew who he was. "Who are you?" he asked.

"I am Ishizu Ishtar," the woman answered. "I serve as the museum's curator. I recall seeing your friend, Yuya Sakaki, a while ago in this very room."

He also remembered that moment as well. He explained to Ishizu that after Yuya was revived, he, Yugo, and Yuri were temporarily fused into the tomato-haired teen's body, while also indicating about how he went on a tour of Paradise City and was shown the Egyptian exhibit.

"I see," Ishizu said. "So why have you come to visit?"

"It's my team," Yuto answered. "The tournament is in a few days and I'm worried my teammates won't be able to recover."

"Because of the injuries they received from the Invasion?" Ishizu asked.

Yuto looked anguished when he heard that, but it was true. He told her about Lulu receiving a huge scar on her back, ended up with temporary spinal plates, and recently got surgery to have them removed. As for Shay, he had his left leg amputated and replaced with a robotic prosthetic and how it's been on the fritz. As a result, he needs to find a stand-in for their team.

"I cannot blame them," Ishizu said. "Your best friend and girlfriend had grown up in an elite environment. They had to learn to adapt to harsh conditions. You, on the other hand, were born a commoner, thus the only injury you received was a light scar on your right ear."

Okay, her knowing who he was and what he was doing was one thing, but how does she even recognize their hardships like it was nothing? Was she psychic or something? Did she witness these events as well?

"How did you know...?" Yuto asked.

"I can see your scar hidden underneath your hair," Ishizu explained. "I have learned to pay attention to every detail, even the sorrow in your eyes."

Dang, she was extremely good at deduction. His scar was small and barely noticeable, so having someone with a keen eye and an observing mindset was pretty impressive.

"I can also tell you are nervous about other things," Ishizu continued. "While a recent formal party assured you that your girlfriend genuinely loves you, you are worried it might not last very long since you two met very recently compared to your other selves. You are also concerned about her not being able to walk again."

Maybe she was a little too good at observation. How did she even know what he was going through? Yeah, he had met Lulu several months ago and has grown to love her, but with recent complications, he kept finding himself questioning their relationship, even wondering if they would get married at all. He even felt bad about the spontaneous proposal when he first visited her. Has Ishizu been visiting the hospital for the past few weeks? He obviously doesn't recall seeing her there, so this situation became a bit more baffling.

"I can assure you that everything will work out," Ishizu said, lightly touching her necklace. "As long as you remain loyal and kind, you will have a bright future with her."

The necklace began to glow and flashed a bright light, blinding Yuto. In a matter of seconds, he regained his vision to find himself in a church, with a lot of people sitting down. At first, he wasn't sure what was going on and who these people were until he saw someone that looked like him and was wearing a suit. Is that his adult self?

"Is that...me?" Yuto asked.

There was no denying that this person was an older Yuto, but what was going on and why was he formally dressed up like that? He heard the sound of the church's double doors opening and turned to see who it was. There was no doubt it was a bride, but he immediately spotted the long, dark purple hair. It was Lulu, and she was…standing? She began to walk down towards the altar as the person played music on the organ. But how is that possible? Fonda said there was a high chance of her not walking and she had to be in a wheelchair.

"This is your future, Yuto Osaku," Izhizu explained. "You will live a long and happy life with your girlfriend. While it is true that you only met months ago, the love between you two is unbreakable."

Based on what she said, does that mean he and Lulu will get married? According to the vision, it seemed most likely; even though voices weren't heard from the people at the church, it was clearly a remarkable ceremony. He couldn't believe that this was actually his future.

"I do."

"I do."

Yuto witnessed the priest declaring his and Lulu's future selves husband and wife before the two embraced in a kiss, leaving their friends and families overjoyed and some with tears of joy. He was left nonplussed yet relieved and also a bit excited that this was the future that Ishizu predicted.

"So that's my future," Yuto said as the vision ended. "I really am going to marry Lulu. How can I make that vision come true?"

"While I cannot tell you everything, I can tell you two things," Ishizu answered. "First of all, speak to the lilac-haired girl who still believes in fairytales. She will be happy to act as your team's stand-in. Secondly, the next time you see Yugi Muto, tell him to come to this museum. I wish to talk to him about something that should have occurred years ago."

The lilac-haired girl who still believes in fairytales… Is she referring to Sarah Glitters? Does she know she'll be a perfect backup member of Team Noble? It sure sounds like it. Sarah and Lulu were great friends, so she actually may be the perfect choice for her to fill in the Lyrilusc user's place. Also, who was Yugi Muto? His name sounds familiar; although Yuto was within Yuya's merging mind, he may have had an idea of what his appearance was, but he might need to bring Yuya along to help find him just in case.

"Thank you," Yuto said. But he was about to leave the museum when Ishizu placed her hand on his shoulder.

"There is one last thing I must tell you," Ishizu said. "Lono is very proud of what you have done."

Yuto raised both eyebrows in astonishment. All this time, he believed he never got to fulfill his mother's last words and had let her down. Seeing where he currently was, from helping Yuya end the War to getting a job at ObsidianCorp, he realized Lono has always been proud of his achievements. He thanked Ishizu again for the kind words before leaving the museum to fulfill the two things that needed to be done. Since there was no school today, he can rule out Heartland Duel School as one of the places to look, but where was Sarah? If he had his Duel Disk with him, he could contact her, but he had the search for her the old-fashioned way.

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Sarah was visiting Lulu, who was still recovering from her surgery. She was healing at a steady pace, but she was uncertain if her back would be fully healed before the tournament begins.

"Shay is going to get his leg checked tomorrow," Sarah informed. "He'll still be able to take part in the tournament."

"I hope I can recover by then," Lulu sadly said. "My family chose to sponsor for the tournament to help improve our fortune. Being on that field and representing the Obsidian name is important."

"I know," Sarah said, gently squeezing Lulu's hand. "I might not understand what you're going through, but you have my full support."

Sarah then asked how Yuto's been doing during the past few weeks and learned that he was struggling with finding a stand-in for Team Noble in case Lulu doesn't heal in time. He's requested as many Duelists as possible in the conglomerate of Domino City, New Domino City, Heartland, and Paradise City, but so far he had no luck. Right now, he was trying to de-stress for a while before resuming with his objective.

"Poor guy," Sarah said, sounding concerned. "The stress must be getting to him."

Just then, approaching footsteps were heard from outside of Lulu's recovery room. As they got closer, a figure appeared in front of the room. It was Yuto; "speak of the devil", as the old saying goes. Lulu and Sarah were both glad to see him; the dark purple-haired girl wished she could give him a hug if it weren't for her spinal scars. Nonetheless, the girls mentioned that they were talking about him and were worried if he was going to be alright. It was almost as if his instincts felt two people discussing a topic regarding him.

"Hi Yuto," Sarah said. "What brings you here?"

"Sarah, I'm so glad I found you," Yuto said. "Would you like to be Team Noble's stand-in?"

That was a question Sarah didn't expect to hear. He must've asked hundreds—or even thousands—of Duelists the same request, but it never occurred to him to ask her? Regardless, she happily responded that she would; since she rarely duels, this was an opportunity for her to use her Fairy Tails again. She was also curious as to why Yuto suddenly asked her with only a few days left until the first day of the tournament.

"Why me?" Sarah asked.

"I remember seeing your strategies in the dueling club," Yuto answered. "Your Fairy Tail deck is amazing and I want everyone to see them in action."

She recalled those rare moments when she did duel a few times in the dueling club. She worked as hard as she could to perfect her strategies ever since the day she first got her Fairy Tails. With her regained confidence during Yuya's time in the XYZ Dimension, she will be a prefect backup player for her team, especially helping out her friend win the tournament and represent the Obsidian family.

"Okay," Sarah said. "I'll do it."

"Great!" Yuto exclaimed, sounding too happy. "Now can anyone send a message to Yuya? I need him to locate someone named Yugi Muto."

The two girls' eyes widened when Yuto said Yugi's name. Sarah has never heard of him before, but he and Lulu both explained that their Pendulum counterparts met him when they went to the Fusion Dimension to have Leo initiate the separation procedure early due to the sudden mind merge. They both have an idea of what he looks like, but Yuya and Zuzu know him better than the XYZ duo, so that was why the tomato-haired teen needed to be notified. Fortunately, the spectacled girl brought her Duel Disk with her and said she'll message Yuya to help Yuto find Yugi.

"Thanks Sarah," Yuto said. "This is what Yuya needs to know."

Meanwhile, at the Sakaki residence, Yuya was skimming through his Performapal, Odd-Eyes, and Magician cards, memorizing the strategies he, Zuzu, and Gong came up with. They made great progress with their training, especially considering the fact that he and his pink-haired girlfriend have both excelled in using their Skills, both in and out of a duel. He stopped scanning through his deck to see Odd-Eyes Pendulum Dragon and softly smiled while his eyes grew determined. They will soon be ready to start bringing smiles to the audience now that everything is officially peaceful. His deep thinking was cut off when a notification alarm sounded from his Duel Disk. He went to his nightstand and grabbed the Duel Disk to see who was messaging him.

Yuya's eyes widened as he read the message. "Someone wants to speak to Yugi at the museum?" he mused. "But why?"

Whatever was going on, it was clear Yuto needed his help in locating him. He replied to the text, asking Sarah where his XYZ counterpart is and where they should meet up. After clicking "Send", he organized his cards and placed them back into his Duel Disk, then he started putting his shoes on.

"Mom, I'm heading over to meet up with Yuto!" Yuya called out.

Yoko replied that he should make sure he returns before dinner, with her son saying that he will upon leaving his bedroom, bringing his Duel Disk with him to see if Sarah responded. Back at the hospital, she received Yuya's message, saying he's on his way, where Yuto is, and if they should meet up somewhere.

"How about telling Yuya to meet him at that small game shop?" Lulu suggested. "Celina said it originated from the Fusion Dimension."

"Small game shop...?" Sarah asked. "You mean Kame Game Shop?"

"Yeah, that's the one," Lulu answered.

As Sarah responded to Yuya's text, Yuto thought that was an interesting place to meet up. He figured that's where Yugi lives, but since all eight counterparts, especially Yuya and Zuzu, were frantically finding a way to get to Duel Academy and the Pendulum duo conveniently stopped by at Kame Game Shop, he might need to ask someone in the Fusion Dimension for directions. With this in mind, he made his decision to head to the Domino City portion of the mashed-up unnamed city immediately; after all, Ishizu most likely had something important to say to the tri-color-haired man.

"Ishizu sounded a bit concerned when she told me she needed to speak to Yugi," Yuto recalled. "I hope what she needs to tell him is important."

Before Yuto left the hospital, he quickly explained to the girls that Ishizu was the museum's curator who also knew about Zarc, Ray, and their reincarnations from the news, just to be sure they weren't confused. He said he'll explain more when he returns with the Obsidians, resulting in Lulu nodding her head and saying she'll see him later and Sarah stating she's looking forward to the tournament. Yuto waved goodbye as he headed down the hall towards the elevator. With a click of the "Floor 1" button, it brought him down to the main lobby at a steady pace. He departed through the automatic doors and proceeded to run down the sidewalk to meet up with his cousin.

Some time later, Yuto arrived at the Domino City section of the city; at one point, he chose to take the bus because it was most likely a far walk to there from the Paradise City section now that all four dimensions merged back into one. After being dropped off at one of the bus stops, he had to find someone to ask for directions to Kame Game Shop. He had a feeling of what path Yuya and Zuzu took to get there, but he wanted to be sure. He began running again through the streets of the Domino City section to look for the first person he sees.

"Excuse me?" Yuto asked a brown-haired teen wearing a green hoodie. "Where's Kame Game Shop from here?"

"Right down the block," the teen answered, speaking in a gruff tone.

Yuto thanked the teen as he made his way down the block. He wasn't kidding because the closer Phantom Knight user got to the game shop, the easier it was to recognize Yuya. Then again, it isn't hard to lose him due to his tomato-shaped haircut, Odd-Eyed-colored irises, his goggles with a light blue star on the right lens, and his main appearance in general. It's like finding a needle in a haystack…except the needle sticks out like a sore thumb.

"Hey Yuto," Yuya said, happy to see his cousin. "This is Kame Game Shop."

"Great," Yuto said, relieved. "Now we just have to find this Yugi person."

"Yeah... About that..." Yuya said as he and Yuto entered the shop.

Their search was going to be the shortest they ever went on because little does Yuto know is that Yugi lives and works there. Lately the shop has been a hit because he was selling vintage cards, which have become a popular trend throughout the city; how else was Zuzu able to obtain a vintage Polymerization card for Rin?

"Welcome to Kame Game Shop," Yugi said. "How may I- Hey there, Yuya. Long time, no see."

"Thanks Yugi," Yuya happily said. "Glad to see you too."

Not long after the Original Dimension returned, Yugi managed to keep in touch with his high school friends. He has also gotten much happier as his eyes are more open and no longer glazed. He noticed the eggplant-haired teen that looked very similar to Yuya although he was wearing glasses.

"I think I saw you before," Yugi said. "You're Yuto Osaku."

"Correct," Yuto answered. "I'm Yuya's cousin."

"Cousin?" Yugi asked. "Is that what you interdimensional counterparts are calling each other?"

"No, just me and Yuto," Yuya explained. "Turns out our moms are sisters."

Yugi was surprised to hear this revelation; he never thought those two were actually related. He was also informed about how their mothers were also residents of the Original Dimension before the split occurred. Speaking of past events, he shared his mournful words to Yuto about what happened to Lono since he now had an understanding of the Interdimensional War. He thanked the tri-color-haired man for his sympathy and explained how he, the Obsidians, and the Sakakis attended a quick, private funeral because he never had time to mourn her death until a few weeks ago. Naturally, Yugi understood what Yuto meant by that. With side talks done with, he asked why the two cousins stopped by.

"Ishizu Ishtar, the museum's curator, wants to speak to you," Yuto answered. "She didn't say why, but that I had to bring you to her."

Yuto also noted that she was a bit concerned about what she wants to say and it was also really important. He assumed it probably had something to do with the Egyptian exhibit the Yu-Salad checked out a while ago since he visited there earlier. Yugi was intrigued by this exhibit Yuto mentioned; he's heard of it from a few people, but he never got a chance to see it for himself because of him working.

"Wait..." Yugi realized. "How did she know my name?"

"I'm not sure," Yuto answered. "But my cousin and I better come with you just in case."

"Huh?! How did I get wrapped-up in this?!" Yuya asked.

Yuto told Yuya that something this important might have a possibility of them also being involved, so it never hurts to tag along and find out for themselves. Besides, Yugi has never been to that part of the city ever since Zarc's attack and the dimensional split, and the two are the only ones that can help bring him to the museum since they know how to get there from here.

"You are right about us being involved," Yuya said. "Who knows what else Zarc did when he was whole."

The Yu-trio all agreed to head over to the museum immediately, with Yugi hanging up a sign on the door saying what time he'll be back. As they walked down the street, Yuto remarked on how he took the bus to meet up with his cousin, which means they'll be heading towards the same bus stop that dropped him off. In all honesty, it definitely beats running several miles to Kame Game Shop in Yuya's opinion, even if the run was beneficial for his health. The three had already passed the spot where the brown-haired teen was; he probably went off somewhere, trying to find his insect-loving rival. A few minutes later, they reached the bus stop and waited for the next bus to take them to the Paradise City section.

During the bus ride, Yuto noticed Yugi was inspecting him. "Can I help you?" the eggplant-haired teen asked.

"You feel...familiar for some reason," Yugi confessed. "Almost like something is missing."

Yuto wondered what Yugi means and why he said something like that. Is he trying to remember an event or a specific person; well, he knows who Zarc was, what he did, and the aftermath of his onslaught, so it obviously couldn't be that. Ruling that out still left an igniting question: what quality does Yuto possess that felt familiar to their companion?

"How come?" Yuto asked.

"Seeing you seems to trigger a voice calling out to me," Yugi answered. "An ancient, powerful voice."

An ancient, powerful voice? Why would Yuto trigger it? Was it because he has something in common with it? Was his knightly, noble, loyal, and determined demeanor similar to it? Whatever the case was, it made him have more questions than answers. Hopefully, their conversation with Ishizu can help clarify things.

Yuya noticed his cousin's confused expression. "Don't worry about it," he said. "I'm sure this Ishizu woman has a good explanation."

Yuto looked at Yuya when he spoke, only to have his face change into a more "I hope so, too" expression. He wondered if this parallel between him and the voice is connected to what the museum's curator had to say. During that time, the bus dropped him, his cousin, and Yugi off at one of the bus stops in the Paradise City section. Coincidentally, it was the same bus stop that Yuto was at. Now they just need to figure out how to get to the museum.

"This area of the city isn't that different from Paradise City," Yuya said. "I know where the museum is from here."

Yuya led the way as the two headed downtown to the museum. As they walked, Yugi looked on his left and right to see the city section's different views. As a citizen of the Original Dimension who grew up in its Fusion reincarnation, he has never been to Yuya's hometown (at least, something very similar to it), so this was all new to him. The buildings were constructed in a way that greatly contradicted how his hometown was structured; it actually felt more like a city. Their stroll through the downtown portion left him awestruck; he couldn't believe how beautiful it appeared. Once the talk with Ishizu was done, he may have to schedule a day to visit the Paradise City section.

Pretty soon, the Yu-trio arrived at the museum. They climbed up some set of stairs before entering through the double doors. Inside the building, Yuya tried to look for Ishizu, but Yuto decided to take over since he knows what she looks like and will most likely meet up with her at the Egyptian exhibit. Yugi followed the two cousins through the museum until they reached the exhibit. Sure enough, the curator was still there, waiting for them.

"Hello Yugi Muto," Ishizu said. "I'm glad you could make it."

"You must be Ishizu Ishtar," Yugi said. "What is it you wished to tell me?"

"It is rather simple," Ishizu answered. She glanced at Yuya and Yuto. "Yuya Sakaki and Yuto Osaku, you were never meant to exist."

Yuya and Yuto were both taken back by what she said, with wide eyes and dropped jaws. All this time, they weren't meant to exist? But why? What event caused them to even be around in the first place?

"You're kidding!" Yuya exclaimed as Yuto clenched his fists in anger.

"No, I am not," Ishizu explained. "And neither were the other six counterparts. It was always supposed to be Zarc Nightstone and Ray Akaba. When I heard the Millennium Puzzle was discovered, I was able to see a series of events unfold before me. It was a straightforward timeline with two separate futures: a world with Synchros and a world with XYZs." She lightly touched her necklace.

Before the Yu-trio knew it, they were blinded by a light that emanated from the necklace. They regained their vision to see an island with some sort of castle; was this part of this timeline they were told about? In the island were a bunch of Duelists scattered around the island engaging in duels, but there was one group in particular that they spotted. They noticed Yugi and Téa with their friends, which the tri-color-haired man immediately recognized as Joey Wheeler and Tristan Taylor, leaving them speechless as what they're witnessing.

"You recognize those people?" Yuya asked.

"Of course," Yugi said, sounding happy. "Those are my friends!"

"Then what is this place?" Yuto asked.

"I'm not sure," Yugi admitted. "I never went to a place like this."

They soon were whisked away into a city in Japan, where a tournament was taking place; they saw someone that looked like Yugi dueling against a mind-controlled mime wielding a powerful monster. From the looks of things, he activated Brain Control to take control of the mime's token, causing an endless loop of drawing cards that let him win the duel and obtaining a monster card called Slifer the Sky Dragon. Of course, the person controlling the mime's mind wasn't very happy, which was later revealed on who he was as the Yu-trio then saw a blimp flying over the city. In it, Joey had won a duel against a bald Egyptian man, who had just fell unconscious, resulting in the darkness taking over his adopted brother named Marik Ishtar.

This villain, dubbed Yami Marik, was the main threat for Yugi and his friends as Seto Kaiba's Battle City Tournament progressed with its finals, before getting sidetracked by five former KaibaCorp employees and a green-haired kid. They soon witnessed another duel going on, with Yugi's look-alike and Kaiba going against an Atlantean person, who was the leader of an organization and the creator of a very powerful Spell card called the Seal of Orichalcos, which was capable of capturing the loser's soul to help reawaken an ancient leviathan. They also got a glimpse at a tournament being held in KaibaLand somewhere in America, where a pink-haired teen from Kaiba's past released a virus that removed a lot of his rival company's files. Finally, they saw a Shadow RPG between the Yugi look-alike and a sinister white-haired thief; as it turns out, the two were spirits from Ancient Egypt and a quest to regain the pharaoh's lost memories, leading to a Ceremonial Battle between Yugi and his other self, which was revealed to be Atem.

With that, another bright light flashed in front of Yuya, Yuto, and the adult Yugi, bringing them back to the museum and leaving them stunned at the set of events that should have unfolded years ago and how it affected the future.

"Those events led to many bright futures," Ishizu continued. "And many more Duelists became great heroes, including a bi teen named Jaden Yuki, a motorcyclist named Yusei Fudo, and a soon-to-be explorer named Yuma Tsukamo. If it wasn't for you, Yugi Muto, those Duelists wouldn't have been inspired."

"But what happened that caused that to change?" Yuya asked. "And what does this have to do with me and my cousin?"

Ishizu brought the three over to the golden box that supposedly contained the ancient puzzle. "It was when Solomon Muto donated the Millennium Puzzle to the museum," she answered.

"My grandpa?" Yugi asked. "I don't remember him having a puzzle."

"You were very young when it happened," Ishizu explained. "Solomon heard about the explorers who died trying to find the Puzzle, so when he obtained it, he feared for your life if you were to accidentally come across it. He thought donating it to the museum would keep you safe."

Yugi leaned forward to read what the hieroglyphics said in the box, which said, "The one who solves me shall gain the powers and knowledge of darkness…" He understood that his grandpa did this for his safety, but he was in disbelief that the Millennium Puzzle never made him into the more confident person that he saw his younger self become. The explorers must have died because they may not have been considered worthy of owning the Puzzle. He stared at the box containing the pieces of one of the Millennium Items, with a sad look on his eyes. He muttered out Atem's name because the two would have been amazing partners, much like brothers.

"So what lead to this timeline?" Yuto asked.

"In the original timeline, Seto Kaiba had scheduled to meet up with Leo Akaba in hopes of improving Duel Monsters," Ishizu answered. "But due to complications, the meeting was canceled."

"What complications?" Yugi asked.

"Your grandfather's Blue-Eyes White Dragon," Ishizu explained.

Yugi was surprised. "But why?" he asked. "That card is still in the shop. I never took it out of the box grandpa put it in because of how much it meant to him."

"Then how about I show you instead?" Ishizu replied, her necklace glowing once more.

The trio was then brought to a vision of where he and his high school friends were at Kame Game Shop when Kaiba showed up. He wanted to have Solomon's Blue-Eyes White Dragon because there were only four in existence, but despite the offer of a suitcase of Duel Monsters, Solomon rejected the offer because of the connection he had with it. Later, the tri-color-haired man was seen the aftermath of what happened. He and his friends were mad at Kaiba for hurting Solomon after winning the duel against him. Just then, he took out a Blue-Eyes White Dragon card from his pants pocket.

"And look at the sweet prize I won," Kaiba said as he ripped the card in half, leaving everyone shocked at what he did.

"Grandpa's most treasured card!" the teenage Yugi exclaimed in total incredulity. His alternate adult self also watched as the events unfolded, much to his initial dismay.

"Why are you showing me this?!" Yugi asked Ishizu, tears forming from his eyes.

"Wait, I think there's more," Yuya said. But Yuto remained quiet, almost as if he was thinking about something.

The three saw teenage Yugi being handed the deck Solomon used, with the latter reminding his grandson to believe in the heart of the cards. As Joey, Tristan, and Téa escorted his grandfather to the hospital, the Millennium Puzzle started to glow; it looked like he was transforming.

In a flash of bright light, standing in Yugi's place was Atem, under the alias of Yami Yugi prior to recovering his memories. This left Kaiba startled at the transformation while the Yu-trio were more amazed. Well...almost.

Yuya had to cover his mouth to muffle a laugh. "What?" Yuto asked.

"Wow, Yugi," Yuya said. "Are you some kind of magical girl in this timeline?"

Yugi blushed out of embarrassment; there was no way he would be considered a magical girl—or a magical boy, technically speaking—in that timeline. ...Could he? He brushed off the thought as he, Yuya, and Yuto witnessed Kaiba and Atem's first duel; the rules to Duel Monsters were a bit different at that time before Battle City, so the cousins were a little confused. Regardless, they watched as the resurrected pharaoh was backed into a corner now that his opponent had summoned his three Blue-Eyes White Dragon, leaving them worried. Fortunately, their worries subsided when a victory move was about to be made that would construct the path to Yugi's legacy.

"Draw your last pathetic card so I can end this, Yugi," Kaiba said, sounding a bit impatient.

"My grandpa has no pathetic cards," Atem said. "But he does have..." He revealed a card. "The unstoppable Exodia."

Yuya was greatly confused. "Exodia...?" he asked. "Never heard of that card..."

"Not one card," Yugi explained. "Five."

He explained that there are five cards that create Exodia the Forbidden One: two arms, two legs, and a head. If you have all five of them in your hand, you automatically win the duel. Yuya and Yuto were dumbfounded at the fact that a monster existed with such an unbeatable effect. One might say it was basically invincible.

"That sounds a bit unfair," Yuya admitted.

"I guess the rules really were different back then," Yuto speculated, sounding a bit sad as his fists were clenched.

He was right; Duel Monsters had completely different rules when it was becoming popular. Back then, Duelists had 2000 LP and can summon high level monsters without tributing. At the same time, however, he couldn't stop thinking about what Ishizu said earlier. If he was never meant to exist, then what was the point of having a happy future with Lulu?

As the vision continued, Atem had just places all five Exodia cards in the monster zones. An aquamarine star appeared on the duel field, with arms and legs coming out of it before revealing a head and out came the Forbidden One. Kaiba stood there in fear as the winning move was about to be declared.

"Exodia, obliterate!" yelled out Atem.

With that, the unstoppable monster blasted away the three Blue-Eyes White Dragons as Kaiba screamed, bringing his LP down to 0. Off in the distance, his younger brother Mokuba was having a hard time comprehending that his older brother just lost a duel.

"This can't be right..." Yugi said. "In my timeline, Kaiba was unbeatable. How could I...?"

"There's more," Ishizu spoke, her voice heard inside their heads.

Yugi, Yuya, and Yuto continued watching to see what she means. They noticed a symbol appearing on Atem's forehead that resembled the eye on the Millennium Puzzle.

"Mind Crush!"

With the Punishment Game given to Kaiba, he fell to his knees, opening a gate that would lead him to become Yugi's greatest rival.

Meanwhile, at Leo Corporation…

"Mr. Akaba, I just received a call from KaibaCorp," an employee said. "Seto Kaiba has canceled the meeting due to suddenly falling ill."

"I see..." Leo said. He let out a sad sigh. "I hope he recovers. I wanted to see if he could help me add mass to the current Solid Vision technology."

A bright light flashed in front of Yugi, Yuya, and Yuto's eyes yet again, bringing them back to the museum with Ishizu standing not too far away from the display case. They were all very confused, especially, the cousins, on why it abruptly cut over to Leo Corporation.

"On that day, Action Duels were never developed," Ishizu explained. "Leo Corporation was soon forgotten as KaibaCorp became successful. But all was not lost. During the events of Battle City, Ray Akaba met a boy named Michael Lindonson, and over time the two became friends, which soon blossomed into romance and eventually became marriage."

That name struck a cord with Yuya and Yuto. "That must have been Zarc's real name," Yuya realized.

"Correct," Ishizu said. "But without that fixed point, Seto Kaiba was able to have his meeting with Leo, allowing Action Duels to trend. But because Seto first demonstrated Action Duels through rather violent strategies, that became the new trend, leading to Zarc Nightstone destroying the world."

Yugi definitely remembered that part because he was there when the attack happened. Prior to the end of the world, he had also heard the news of Kaiba and Leo releasing Action Duels to the public. Although they were enjoyable to everyone, he felt something was off about them. He wasn't the kind of person who likes violence, so he preferred not to conform to the social norm, which were violent duels.

"But there is more," Ishizu continued. "Originally the Natural Energy Cards were only supposed to free Zarc from the corruption of his dragons. But by that point the timeline was severely damaged, so the four dimensions were created as an attempt to maintain reality, something that not even the Akabas were aware of. As a result, duplicates of various people from the original timeline were created among the confusion."

"Then how come I never heard of Kaiba?" Yuya asked. "If Yugi knew about him, I should have seen him in the Fusion Dimension."

"You have," Ishizu answered. "His name is Declan Akaba."

Now THAT was a twist the Yu-trio didn't expect to learn about. A highly flabbergasted Yuya was very puzzled on how that was even possible. For the Yu-Salad and Energy Girls, it was understandable, but there may be more counterparts than he thought. Confusion kept racing in his mind and felt like he was going to pass out, with Yugi and Yuto helping him not faint. The tomato-haired teen then barely managed to regain his composure.

"But I saw Kaiba from those visions!" Yuya pointed out. "He looks nothing like Declan!"

"Correct," Ishizu said. "But when the four dimensions were created, Seto Kaiba was erased from existence, resulting in Declan Akaba being created to take his place. I am not sure why that occurred, but I suspect it was reincarnation."

Yuya felt like he needed time to process what he was discovering so far while Yuto was still saddened about how he was never meant to have a happy future after all. There were so many pros and cons to the two differing timelines that they don't know if them existing really was pointless. They weren't having suicidal thoughts, don't worry; they were just wondering what was the point of the Interdimensional War if Yugi was destined to have the Millennium Puzzle.

"So you're saying this is all because someone decided to protect his grandson?" Yuto asked, shaking in rage. "IT'S ALL HIS FAULT?"

Yuya tried to comfort his cousin, but Yugi wasn't sure if it was a good idea at the moment and recommended waiting until Yuto calmed down a bit. At the same time, Ishizu was wasn't expecting the sudden mood change from the eggplant-haired teen.

"You said I was going to have a happy future with my girlfriend!" Yuto told Ishizu. "Why did you show me that vision if I wasn't supposed to exist?!"

Ishizu honestly wasn't sure how to respond the situation, but she did feel bad about Yuto learning this discovery. The best she could do right now is to try and help him relax. "I only wanted you to bring Yugi Muto to the museum," she said. "You and your cousin were never meant to hear this."

"But I'm here!" Yuto exclaimed, tears coming from his eyes due to conflicting emotions. "What am I?! Why was I created?!"

Ishizu was silent for a few seconds, but she ultimately spoke. "You and the other counterparts were originally supposed to recreate the four original heroes and their love interests," she explained. "It was the only way to prevent the timeline from collapsing, but Zarc quickly realized what had happened, so he vowed to not let his legacy be forgotten."

With tears still pouring from his eyes, Yuto slowly began to understand the true reasoning behind the Yu-Salad's Awakenings. They were signs of Zarc wanting to reawaken his legacy, which explained the dark aura that sometimes emitted from Yuya and Yuri. The darkness was that desire to pick up where he left off. To continue his reign of terror all across the dimensions. To bring fear to everyone with only one single purpose: winning.

"Then that's all I am," Yuto realized, looking at his clenched fist. "Nothing more than a puppet for someone else's enjoyment."

"Yuto..." Yuya said, sounding concerned.

Suddenly, Yuto took off his Duel Disk and gave it to Yuya. "I'm sorry," he said. "But I can't take part in the tournament." Then before his cousin could say anything else, he ran out of the museum, heartbroken with the revelation.

Yuya, Yugi, and Ishizu were all concerned about Yuto and how what he has discovered will affect him. They should take action as quickly as possible, but they weren't sure how. The tomato-haired teen looked down at the Duel Disk his cousin gave him. As a lonely and timid child, he had no interests in Duel Monsters and only had his Dark Rebellion XYZ Dragon, which led him to playing the card game. Does that mean Yuto was thinking about not dueling anymore? The thought of it made Yuya upset.

"I better speak to Shay about this," Yuya said, clutching his cousin's Duel Disk. "I can't stand seeing Yuto this upset."

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

anyway I’m toying with writing some stuff about my Pokemon OCs again and if I ever finished this fic I would probably trim a bunch of this section because it gets off-course from what the main plot and conflict of the fic is supposed to be but. it’s fucking funny, and it’s more personality than Piper ever had in all of the trilogy I wrote about her in middle/high school.

it’s in first person because it’s a throwback to, again, said old fics, which I did predominantly write in first person. and for context, Piper is my FireRed protag, Zeke is Prof Oak’s grandson, her rival, and Red is their neighbor/Piper’s older brother figure who’s like four years older than her and Zeke.

"I went in the Pokemon Mansion, and the stuff I found -"

"You went in there?" Red demanded, and the way he was sitting looked like he was about to launch himself up onto his feet to glare down at me instead of just at me. "That place is condemned and you just went in there?"

"Since when have you believed in 'No Trespassing' signs, either?" I asked him.

"When they're blocking off ruins that are falling apart, that's when! That building could've fallen on your head, you could have fallen through the floor and gotten hurt and gotten stuck there and no one would find you because no one's supposed to be in there!"

"I'm fine," I said. "I was fine."

He looks sad, suddenly so sad that I wanted to apologize for whatever I'd done, and then apologize again for not knowing specifically what I had done to cause this shift from anger to sadness. But I didn't, and after a few seconds he said, "One of these times you won't be. Like all the shit you got into with Team Rocket - that's going to catch up to you. You're lucky that -"

"Not lucky," I said angrily. "My Pokemon are tough."

"Yeah, that's why your team with the glaring ground-type weaknesses lost out in five minutes to Giovanni," Red snapped.

Charmeleon, Pikachu, Nidorino, Dragonair, Kabuto, and a Meowth who didn't even like to fight. He was right about that aspect but the trouble was, I hadn't told him about that. How had he known about that - I knew how he knew about that. "Well, Zeke was there. He was right behind me. It was fine."

"I'm not talking about Silph Co, Pipes - I'm talking about Celadon."

Oh, shit. "Zeke told you about that?" I asked, even though I knew it had to be him, because he was the only one I had told. Charmeleon, Pikachu, Nidorino. That had been awful. "Why did he tell you about that - I'm never going to tell him anything ever again. Did he tell you that to make me sound weak, or stupid, or -"

"Uh, no - he, like me, is worried that you're going to die."

"Bullshit," I said and Red smacked me on the arm. "He doesn't care."

"He does, because you're - besides his sister, and me - his only friend."

"We're not friends," I said.

"Well, you're the only two people who can stand to be around each other - and me and Daisy, but we've got our other friends and the two of you are just the two of you. So if you died he'd have no one to hang out with."

I didn't bother trying to protest that I had other friends, because we both knew that would be a pointless, utterly transparent, lie.