#if anyone feels so inclined!! 🫶

[consulaaris]

joining the anon drawing box trend bc this looks SO cute help

[jnnul]

ready for love

PAIRING ▸ lee jeno x fem!reader (ft. tbz's juyeon)

GENRES ▸ fluff, non!idol au, college au, slice of life, friends to lovers but also...it’s complicated?

WARNINGS ▸ uhh swearing, drinking (but legally), mentions of infidelity, there was supposed to be so much more but it just turned into a fluff piece sooo..., y/n is indecisive and jeno is stupid, they're a match made in heaven 🫶🏽, jeno is the loverboy of the century towards the end, they make out and a few allusions to sex but no graphics, is it just me or is that header really blurry

SUMMARY ▸ a boy who has never taken a relationship seriously. a girl who is seriously over relationships. when they end up finding each other, will they let their ideas of what a relationship should be like ruin their relationship before it even starts?

PLAYLIST ▸ ready for love - blackpink, lovin’ me - fifty fifty, siren - taeyeon, island - youha, hate that - key & taeyeon

WORD COUNT ▸ 19.5k words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ oh hey it's that one fic i've been writing since july! which reminds me - if that ending looks familiar, it's because technically, this was supposed to come out right after that timestamp did oops.

as always, feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback!

far too easy. a couple of lingering stares. a coincidental request on social media. a few well-placed messages. one date later and...done. he was in. hook, line, and sinker.

it was almost getting predictable. at first, lee jeno just wanted to have a little fun. it was never anything serious - and it definitely wasn't always about sex. truly. as distrustful as men had made themselves out to be within the past few thousands of years, jeno truly wasn't thinking with his dick when he got into relationships.

it was just about having fun. he just wanted to get to know people, do sohing romantic just for the experience, and maybe, get to know their body if the relationship felt so inclined.

there was never any delusion about what a relationship with jeno was like. it was two months, if you lasted that long, and every second of it made you feel alive like you never had before. but the honeymoon stage would pass and jeno would lose interest and soon, there would be a heartbroken girl left behind, even though she knew exactly what she was getting herself into.

and it wasn't as though they could really get mad at him. he was a sweetheart through and through and he would continue to say hi if they ever saw each other around and he had definitely saved a couple exes from some ugly encounters. jeno never meant to hurt anyone; it just happened soimes because he was such a good guy.

at least, that’s what you understood of your best friend. from his nights of drunken confessions and the few encounters you’d had with his ‘girlfriends’, you had surmised that jeno lee was just meant to be a serial casual dater.

you, quite frankly, were on the opposite end of the spectrum. after a few too many boyfriends who had turned out to be grade a douchebags, you had effectively sworn off men.

dating was just far too hard. the 'did he notice me?' stage where you dress up a little prettier than normal. and then the internal panic when they request you on instagram. the casual talking stage where you've already accidentally planned out the wedding. the date where you choose to move past all of the blatant red flags you see. and then the relationship, when the red flags become red banners the size of antarctica because goddamnit, how did you miss the fact that this man was a literal freudian case study.

so whenever jeno would introduce his newest girlfriend or go on about his many adventures (including the details about the not-so-family-friendly aspects), you couldn't help but feel a little pang of jealousy because where the hell was jeno finding such amazing relationships? and why the hell isn't he taking them seriously?

you're sure you couldn't even count the number of sweet girls you knew would've been perfect to take home to his mother you had been introduced to before they were gone the next week.

"and that's why i think you're an insufferable brat," you grumble, pointing a stick of celery at him threateningly. jeno snorts slightly, redirecting your celery to the hummus sitting next to where you were perched on his kitchen counter.

"you've been saying that for as long as we've been friends," he says, pouring a spoonful of soy sauce into the rice for the fried rice he was preparing for dinner.

"three years too many," you say, squinting your eyes at him suspiciously. "how have we actually stayed friends for three years when you're so...wishy-washy?"

jeno's roommate, na jaemin, rubs his eyes as he stumbles into the kitchen, saluting you sarcastically as he reaches into the fridge to grab an entire bowl of strawberries.

"what a burn, y/n. wishy-washy. yeah, i'll bet that really did a number on him, didn't it, jeno my boy?" jaemin snorts, pouting when he quite nearly drops the bowl of strawberries on his foot.

he also very nearly escapes decapitation by celery stick, ducking from your brutal aim.

"at least i don't have a mommy kink," you snide, salvaging what was left of your celery snack.

jaemin jabs a strawberry in your general direction with a look of indignant betrayal on his face.

"i thought we agreed to never speak of what was revealed during balkan night," jaemin hissed. "you promised, y/n!"

"i was crossing my fingers," you shrug, placating your best friend with an olive branch of a silly smile when he swears vengence by strawberry assault a second time.

"whatever," jaemin grumbles as he slinks back to the darkness of his room. jeno just shakes his head fondly, tossing in the vegetables the two of you had just chopped up into the fried rice.

"why do you always feel the need to rag on him like that?" jeno says, mixing the vegetables into the rice.

"why do you always feel the need to avoid taking a relationship seriously?" you counter, hopping down from your perch to throw out the now empty hummus container.

"you know, anyone hearing this conversation right now would think that you were the one not taking relationships not seriously instead of me," he says calmly, taking a spoonful of rice. he blows on it before reaching out to you, letting you taste-test the fried rice. you hum, sifting through the ingredients in the fridge as you analyze what the missing ingredient was. your eyes land on a small plastic container with finely chopped garlic inside, the realization clicking in your head.

"just because i'm a little youthful and you have the personality of a grandpa doesn't mean that you have to be the one who takes relationships too seriously," you say, sprinkling the garlic into the fried rice. jeno hands you the wooden spatula and lets you take over the cooking process as he finds three bowls for the three of you.

"whatever helps you sleep at night," jeno says with a soft chuckle.

"speaking of relationships though, i'm not going to be leeching off of you for dinner tonight," you say casually, offering a spoonful to jeno this time to let him taste your shared creation.

he flashes you a happy eye smile, retreating into the hallway to call jaemin out of his room for lunch.

"date?" jeno says, a strange look in his eye as he hands you your spoon (you had a preference for only eating with the singular small spoon in the entire apartment for some reason) with a knowing smile.

"somewhat? it's a double date but i'm only going for jimin because she really really likes the guy and she's afraid she's going to fuck it up if it's just the two of them," you explain, giving him a thumbs up for the successful food collaboration.

"do you know who it's with?" jaemin pipes up, seemingly refreshed after consuming an inhumane amount of strawberries.

you furrow your eyebrows, trying to recollect the name of the guy jimin mentioned that jaehyun was bringing before shaking your head.

"i think his name was jayeon? yeonju? juyeon? i don't know, i don't really remember. all i know is that jaehyun better be head over fucking heels for jimin by the end of the night," you say in between bites.

"juyeon? lee juyeon?" jaemin says suddenly, his spoon clattering as he drops it in his bowl. jeno and jaemin exchange a look that you don't miss and you definitely don't like.

"am i missing sohing here? do you guys know him?" you ask, the worry lines on your forehead having become near permanent. jeno shrugs, pushing his food around in an uncharacteristically hesitant manner.

"i mean i just heard that he was a bit of a heartbreaker when he was in college but i don't really think that it was that big of a deal," jaemin says finally. you roll your eyes, puffing out your chest sarcastically.

"i'm a big girl guys, don't worry. i can handle myself," you say, patting jeno's shoulder comfortingly as you move to wash your bowl. "and besides, i'm not actually going there to find the love of my life; i'm just going there to support jimin."

"just be careful, y/n." jeno gives you a quick little side-hug before disappearing into the living room to turn on some tv. you turn to jaemin but your question dies on your tongue when you see that jaemin is already staring at you with an unreadable expression.

"what's up with him?" you ask, when jaemin sighs, getting up to wash his dishes.

"jeno's worried for you," he says. you huff, watching jaemin put his washed bowl into the dishwasher.

"i get that, dipshit. what i don't get is why!" you exclaim, wincing when you realize that you're much louder than you had intended.

"because juyeon's just like jeno."

it's all jaemin says but it's all he needs to say because now, you finally understand.

+++

"now remember, i'm only coming with you for you, okay? if you ever want to just be with jaehyun by yourself, let me know and i'll be more than happy to head on my way out," you whisper to jimin as you flash a bright smile at jaehyun, who approaches the both of you with a dimpled smile as he tucks his car keys into his pocket.

"y/n! it's so good to see you after so long," jaehyun says, pulling you in for a friendly side hug.

"i know," you say, squeezing quickly before letting go. "can you believe it's already been a month since renjun's party?"

jaehyun furrows his eyebrows, shuffling so that he was standing next to jimin. "no, really? has it already been a month?"

he doesn't wait for you to answer, turning to jimin almost immediately. "it's been a month since i met you? why does it feel like i've known you my entire life?"

it takes all you have to turn to the side before fake gagging, unable to help the cringe that runs through your body from the cheesiness, jimin fighting back a giggle, but you can see that her cheeks are bright red.

"jae, for your sake and the beautiful ladies', i'm gonna have to pretend like you never said that," a deep voice says from behind you. the man steps into the light and you're sure that your eyes are about to fall out of their socket.

juyeon is one of the most attractive men you've ever seen. long, long legs that lead up to broad shoulders, beautiful eyes and lips that would make kylie jenner jealous. his dark hair is slicked back and he holds himself with a humble, quiet confidence that makes you ready to fall to your knees instantly. he turns to you and his cool demeanor is instantly broken when he smiles, his face glowing in the faint lights of the restaurant.

"hi, i'm juyeon," he says, sticking his hand out for you to shake. you stare at it for a moment before taking it.

"y/n. it's nice to meet you," you say dreamily, before coming to your senses and retracting your hand. you were here for jimin and jimin only. juyeon and his beautiful face would have to stay in the friend zone - especially if what jaemin had warned you about was true.

but just because you couldn't purchase doesn't mean you couldn't window shop.

"y/n," juyeon drawls, letting your name roll off of his tongue. "a pretty name for a pretty girl."

jimin can barely stifle a giggle at your dazed expression, elbowing you in the rib cage. you shake your head slightly, composing yourself once more. how in hell were you supposed to confine this man to the friend zone if everything he said threatened your very sanity?

"well, they say that you should never keep a pretty woman waiting," you say with coy smile, gesturing towards the restaurant. "shall we head inside?"

juyeon mock-bows while jaehyun opens the door and says, "ladies first."

you blow juyeon a kiss with a teasing smile, linking arms with jimin and sauntering into the restaurant. juvenile? perhaps. but where was the fun in being adult all the time?

the four of you make your way to where there's a receptionist standing behind a booth, jaehyun stating his name for the reservation.

"right this way, ladies and gentlemen," the receptionist says, gathering a handful of menus and leading you to your table.

"so jaehyun tells me you are a business major," juyeon says, falling in step beside you. you hum, shaking your head slightly.

"i was a business major; i double majored in finance and economics, but i graduated two months ago," you explain, thanking the waiter as you take your seat at the table. juyeon takes the seat next to you and jimin takes the seat on the other side so that you were sat directly across from jaehyun.

you're about to turn to jimin and say something only to find her enraptured by some fascinating conversation that her and jaehyun seemed to be having, turning back with a knowing smile.

"i'm sorry, i was under the impression that you were still in school since it's only march," juyeon says, handing you one of the menus the waiter had left on the table.

"i graduated early because of the overlap between my majors. i was required to keep up my grades for my scholarship anyway so i was able to build up credits fairly quickly," you explain, trying to ignore the spark of electricity that you feel when juyeon's fingers linger on yours.

"oh, so you were quite the academic," he says, running a hand through his hair. you determinedly stare at the menu, forcing down the hot flash that runs through your body when juyeon catches you watching.

"you could say so," you nod, scanning the menu. "how about you? what did you major in when you were in school?"

"i was your direct senior," juyeon begins, smiling when he sees the confusion on your face. "i was a finance major in college."

"no way! that's so interesting. where do you work now?" you ask once you put down the menu to meet his eyes. maybe jaemin and jeno were just being overprotective? it wouldn't be the first time they steered you away from heartbreak but juyeon seemed like such a sweet and genuine guy.

because juyeon's just like jeno.

that statement is enough to bring you back to your senses as you focus on what juyeon is saying, jimin and jaehyun still debating the difference between computer engineering and computer science (their respective majors) and which one was better.

nerds.

"i was at amazon up until last summer but i recently switched to a new company. it's a pretty small company but they specialize in cleaning the ocean of plastic and recycling the plastic for 3D printing. it's very niche but i didn't want to just be another finance bro that just worked for the sake of money, you know? i wanted to work with a good consciousness."

maybe curving juyeon from claiming a place in your already fragile heart would be a little more difficult than you expected. kind, environmentally aware and a chose ethical work? juyeon was already better than approximately 90% of your exes.

"how about you? have you started working yet? the market is pretty brutal for freshly graduated f&e people, from what my friends tell me." you nod, internally composing yourself and steeling yourself a little bit more to keep from falling into juyeon's charms.

just like jeno. the reminder is harsh, but it works like magic as you feel the butterflies in your stomach beginning to dissapate.

"it certainly is a lot more competitive than i think a lot of people anticipated. thankfully, i was able to connect to a sponsor during one of the scholarship banquets and was offered a position for right after school," you explained and juyeon's eyes turn from mild and observing to full of respect as he nods, almost approvingly.

"which company?" he asks, taking a sip of his water.

"i actually am working in the finance department at patagonia..."

+++

the night progresses almost too smoothly. once the food had come out, jaehyun and jimin finally seemed to come out of the bubble they were in and the conversation flowed so well, it was almost as though the four of you had known each other for years.

it was clear that jaehyun and juyeon were close, having met each other at work and instantly clicking. the easy back and forth between them allowed you and jimin relax a little more, allowing the conversation to turn to less formal subjects.

you find out that juyeon has a dog, much to your dismay.

"y/n loves dogs!" jimin exclaims, and you can feel your heart's walls crack a little further. there were many things you could handle - a cute boy with a dog? that was a little out of the realm of control.

"really? oh you'd love ray then - he's a big dog but he's got a lot of love. sort of a gentle giant," juyeon says, his eyes twinkling as he pulls out his phone to show you his wallpaper. it's a picture of him and ray curled up next to each other, sleeping in bed, both of them in the same exact position as they snored away.

"i swear, him and ray are the same soul in two different bodies. i've seen this guy have full on conversations with his dog. which would be weird but it kinda just works for them somehow. i kinda think that ray genuinely does understand juyeon," jaehyun snorts, nodding at juyeon's wallpaper. "that was when ray was still a puppy and he would copy every single thing that juyeon did."

juyeon shrugs, smiling as he tucks his phone back into his pocket. "not much has changed there, if i'm being honest."

you're about to say something about meeting ray when your phone rings abruptly, rudely interrupting the conversation. you frown as you flip your phone open, looking at the contact profile on the screen. jeno?

"hello?" you say as you answer the phone, pointing to the restroom as you excuse yourself from the table. from the corner of your eye, you can see the waiter coming with the bill for your table and you vaguely register the fact that only two cards are being put on the table (jaehyun's and juyeon's) as you make your way somewhere a little more private.

"hellooo? y/nnnn-ie? you stilllll at your, huh, date?" jeno slurs into your phone and you hear someone in the background, presumably jaemin, trying to convince jeno to stop himself from saying or doing something stupid.

"yes, jeno, i'm still at my date. that you interrupted, by the way," you say with a frustrated sigh. you check your watch and realize that it's only 9:30 PM and jeno does not sound like he's been taking it easy on the alcohol. "why are you drinking jen?"

"whattttt, so now i'm a shitty lover and i can't, heh, drink?" jeno grumbles into the phone and it's clear from the sudden silence in the background that jaemin has completely giving up on wrestling jeno's phone out of his hand. you had firsthand experience with drunk jeno - he turned into the hulk.

"jen, if you called me in the middle of my date to go off the rails about how you're a lonely fucker, i'm going to kill you," you hiss, smiling at the lady who comes into the restroom as you weren't threatening your best friend with murder.

"I'M NOT A LONELY FUCKER!"

oh, so this part jeno could say without hiccuping or slurring his words. fantastic. you sigh, switching your phone to the other ear as you wash your hands, getting ready to leave the restroom. there's a pregnant pause where no one says anything but you can hear the top gun theme song in the background so you know jeno's on the line.

"if - if i change, will you not go out with juyeon?" jeno mutters finally, just as you're leaving the restroom. "if i finally start getting serious about relationships, will you not go out with him? will you come home?"

you pause at that. jeno's always been the protective type. for all of his own playboy (even if technically he wasn't trying to be a playboy) charm, jeno genuinely wasn't very happy when you dated people. he wouldn't be rude to them and he certainly would never force you to break up with them but every time he would run into them, regardless of how long you had dated them, he always had something to say.

he looks like he jerks off to weird porn. definitely something about shampoo, a hot girl, and way too much viagra.

he has a small dick.

he makes his girlfriends lose weight even though he has a beer belly.

i'm not even gonna lie to you - i just hate the fact that he's balding.

most of the reasons that jeno gave you were kinda stupid. but ultimately, he was usually right about which people to avoid and even if he said it was because they were ugly and balding, it was usually because he knew that they weren't kind people on the inside.

it was because you just didn't have a great self-image, jeno used to say. if you saw yourself the way the rest of us - the way i see you, you'd never even give some of these assholes a chance, y/n. think of it as playboy experience about how to find the people actually worth your time.

but he had never said anything like this before. for all of the hazy comments and strange strength jeno developed when he was drunk, he had never said anything like this to you before. mostly because jaemin was really good at protecting his roommate from making stupid decisions but it was clear that even jaemin couldn't stop this.

"jen, you sound crazy right now," you say, rubbing your forehead. you step out of the restroom to see juyeon waiting at the table alone, as jimin and jaehyun seemingly already left together. "i don't really know what you're trying to say and quite frankly, i have no clue why you're acting like this. ask jaemin to make sure you're drinking a lot more water and we'll talk about this in the morning, alright?"

jeno doesn't say anything but from the shuffling in the background, you realize that jaemin has finally rose from his slump and was signaling something to jeno. good. maybe jaemin would be able to understand why the fuck jeno was acting like this.

there's an exchange of words, mostly jaemin berating jeno to hand over the phone as you hear a loud thump in the background before jaemin is speaking.

"hey, y/n it's me," jaemin says. it's clear that he's been drinking too but jaemin isn't too much of a drinker so he still sounds pretty levelheaded as he speaks.

"what's up with jeno, jaemin? why is he acting like that?" you ask, making your way over to the table slowly. you realize that juyeon is holding onto your coat and suddenly, you're not really sure about what to do. you don't know what it is about the simple fact that juyeon is holding your coat but the entire thing seems a little domestic. like the two of you actually were on a date.

"y/n, i'm gonna be so honest with you, i think it's best if you have some distance from jeno for a while. i think he's just getting in his head about stuff he shouldn't be and really, i think the only way he's gonna get over it or figure out how to talk to you about it if he has some distance."

how perfect. you sigh, running your hand through your hair as you smile at juyeon, who helps you put your coat over your shoulders, the scent of his cologne filling up your lungs. you decide that if it was distance that jeno wanted, it was distance jeno was going to get. quite frankly, this wasn't the first time jeno had randomly pulled away from you, even if it was the first time he had finally come close to clueing you into why.

it was clear that jeno didn't like you dating people - especially not juyeon. maybe even to the extent of jeno changing his own playboy ways to convince you otherwise of interacting with juyeon.

you had considered the fact that jeno might be interested in you romantically or that maybe he was jealous for your affections. but every time you thought that, jeno would come back from his faraway space with a new girl and a genuine twinkle in his eye and suddenly, everything was back to normal.

jeno simply was an overprotective person, you decided. and he would do whatever he thought was right to make sure that the people around him didn't get hurt.

it really did check out, honestly.

jeno was equally overprotective of everyone in his life because getting that close to him in the first place was a feat within itself. once you made it past that original barrier, however, he would be willing to give his life if he thought it would help even the slightest.

but...even so. this was weird.

either way, juyeon was opening the passenger door to his car and you were aimlessly climbing into it so any and all thoughts about jeno would have to wait until you made it down this slippery slope first. the last thing you needed in the morning was the honest to god gripping panic of doing the walk of shame.

juyeon doesn't seem like the type to expect a lady to put out because he bought her dinner but you can never be too careful. he seems to notice your apprehension because he asks you for your address upfront, raising three fingers in an oath.

"i promise to conduct no funny business and i will take you home safe and sound, y/n," he says solemnly, and the way his eyes sparkle in the light of the moon is enough to make your resolve melt a little bit as you laugh softly.

"alright juyeon. since you promised no funny business," you quip lightly, entering your address on the navigation screen next to the steering wheel.

juyeon squints at your address, which is fifteen minutes away, before looking at you strangely. "are you sure this is the right address? my building is right next door! i would've seen you at some point, and trust me, i'd never forget a face like yours."

"uh, yeah, this is my address. i'm usually never home though, since i'm always either with jimin or my friends jaemin and jeno," you say, watching as juyeon sets the car in reverse to pull out of the parking spot. his arm lifts, as though he were going to put it behind the headrest of your seat to do the classic flirting move to reverse. he sets it back down when he sees you staring at the screen (which had a rearview camera feed on it), realizing that it would be dumb to try and make a move in such a cliché way.

"jeno? jeno lee?" juyeon asks as you guys pull out of the parking spot. you glance at him sideways, wondering if he were going to offer the same cautionary tale that jaemin and jeno had presented to you.

"yeah. he's one of my best friends. do you know him?" you ask, already presuming the answer.

juyeon is silent, as though he's weighing options in his mind. should he be honest with you? should he preserve your feelings?

"i know of him. i don't know him all that well," juyeon says finally, and you know that juyeon has decided to take the third option. neutrality. and while you're tempted on asking him to expand, you really don't know him well enough to do that.

so you just leave the topic aside and wait for him to start a different conversation.

he does soon enough, but you know that his heart isn't in it anymore. you engage in polite smalltalk until he pulls up to your apartment complex. you thank him for driving you and are about to step out of the car when juyeon suddenly touches your wrist gently, afraid to make rude or rough gestures.

you pause, half out of the car as you turn to him with a quizzical smile.

"i had a good time getting to know you today, y/n. and i know that it was just an excuse for those two to go on a date without making it weird but i really did have a good time getting to know you. i hope that i didn't make a bad impression at the end." his eyes are shining under the dim lighting of the few rooms that are still lit up in your apartment complex.

you smile at him gently, shaking your head to assure him. "you didn't make a bad impression. i had a good time getting to know you too."

you're ready to step out of the car once more when juyeon's fingers on your wrist wrap around them, this time a little bit more firm on claiming your attention.

"i - i want to see you again. i've honestly never connected this well with someone before. would you be open to that?" juyeon asks. you pause for a moment before giving in. how could you say no to him when he was looking at you with such big, brown eyes with so much hope hidden in them?

but even as you give juyeon your number, you can practically hear the bright red warning signs in your mind - and for some reason, jeno was the one screaming every single one of those signs.

"good night y/n," juyeon says, his smile every inch as heartbreakingly charming as the moment you knew he'd be bad for you.

you offer a tight, cautious smile in return. "good night juyeon."

+++

for someone who was fiercely overprotective of his friends, jeno had a strange tendency of self-sabotaging his relationships with them. not all of them - mostly just you. he didn't know what it was about you but somehow, he always just seemed to be saying the wrong things at the wrong time.

jaemin seems to think that it's because jeno has feelings for you (which he most definitely does not) (at all) (for real).

it wasn't as though jeno didn't like when you went on dates. in fact, he liked to think that he was rather supportive. it was just that you had a tendency to pick out all of the shittiest men in seoul to date and quite frankly, jeno hated it.

and you knew that. you'd been dealing with jeno's strange tendencies for three years now. he knew that you knew that he'd call you by next week and everything would be back to normal. that's usually how it went when you went on a particularly serious date on any level. strange set of coincidences that jeno only seemed to fuck up the worst right before or after a date you were raving about.

huh.

"i'm telling you jeno, you have got to tell her the way you feel about her," jaemin says, tossing a water bottle at jeno. they're sitting on the floor in front of the tv, watching money heist halfheartedly. terrible show to be their 'let's talk about our feelings' show but jaemin and jeno never could have a conversation like that without some level of violent scheming occurring in the background.

"i don't feel any way about y/n, jaemin. honestly, it's getting really fucking annoying that you keep saying that i do," jeno says, digging his chopsticks into his chinese takeout food. jaemin rolls his eyes, sitting down next to jeno with his own box of takeout.

"i swear to god. why did you call her then? why did you call her on her date last night?" jaemin asks. jeno shrugs, setting his food down before sighing.

"i don't know, okay? i just...you know what happened with juyeon. i just can't imagine her going through something like that," jeno says softly. jaemin looks at him before clearing his throat, forcing jeno to look at him square in the eyes.

"look, i know that you and juyeon don't have the greatest past but you have got to let her find her person. who knows! maybe juyeon's changed in the last three years. you literally don't know him anymore. and besides, this isn't about juyeon and you know it. you did this when she got with daniel, and then sunghoon, and then even doyoung." jaemin shakes his head, trying to get jeno to understand his own feelings. "you're blind to it but every time she actually feels good about someone, you somehow need to take a break from her. why?"

jeno doesn't actually have the answer to that question. why, indeed, is the question of the night.

later that night, when jaemin has turned in (or rather, announced that he was going to sleep, only to sit in bed and occupy their shared netflix account for hours), jeno pulls out his phone and searches up three words.

we need space.

he searches in his messages and cringes when he sees the number of outgoing texts that have space (as in the number of times he's broken up with someone over text) in them. he filters all of the other people out except for you and it pisses him off that jaemin is right.

may 2020. the first time jeno had asked you for some space, when you'd asked daniel to be your boyfriend.

august 2021. the second time you guys had taken some space, when you'd gone on your first date with sunghoon.

september 2022. the third time that you had had to take a break from each other. when jeno had introduced you to doyoung with his own hands.

realistically, jeno knew that jaemin was right. and with the evidence staring at him so incriminatingly, there was no way to refute the accusations.

but as much as jeno had dated around, he still didn't know what or who he was looking for. sure he was attracted to you as a person and your, uh, physicality - but that didn't mean that you were the one for him. and if jeno were to pursue something with you that made him realize that you truly weren't what he was looking for after all, not only would he be losing you as a partner but he'd be losing you as a best friend too.

so he continues in the toxic cycle of taking a break from you every time he feels as though his feelings are getting too high in his chest for him to contain them and never giving you or jaemin an explanation of why.

jeno knew it was wrong. he knew that his life would be so much easier if he just came clean and you fell one way or another on the scale of 'already dated' and 'haven't dated yet' like most of the girls on campus. but it was different with you.

it'd always been different with you.

so jeno rolls over, and goes to bed, dreaming of you and juyeon holding hands on your first date alone. he's never had such a restless night of sleep in his life.

+++

you know that you're being a bad friend to jimin when she's pouting at you swirling your straw in your macchiato instead of listening to her rambles.

"come on, y/n. it's been three days. you know that jeno gets like this - it's not like this is new right?" jimin says, covering your hand with both of hers, blinking at you curiously.

you smile and shake your head. "yeah. i'm sorry. this is supposed to be about you and i'm just getting in my head about this shit."

jimin tuts, eyebrows furrowing in mock anger. "that's not what i mean and you know it. i'll talk about jaehyun whether you're listening or not and you and i both know that. i just - i guess i'm not sure why you're always so hung up over jeno doing this when you know that he's gonna do it."

"you're right. it's not new. and i'm sorry that it keeps coming up when i really hate that he does this but i just wish he would talk to me instead of shutting me out every time that something like this happens. it's just him and jaemin cooped up and talking to each other for a week before they go back to being normal. and i get it. they're guys. they need a break and they need to do guy things and take a break from girls or whatever the fuck straight boys do. but this is getting out of hand and ridiculous."

but you catch yourself, shaking your head once more as you focus on jimin. "thank you for letting me get that out of my system. now tell me what you were saying about jaehyun. i feel like i've lost my best friend to some random guy for the past three days!"

jimin eyes you for a moment longer (and you know that she's not going to let this go) but decides to take mercy on you.

"well, jaehyun and i have been doing really well, honestly! we've seen each other every single day for the last three days - which isn't that hard considering that we've been having sex all day in every square inch of his apartment." jimin sees the scandalized look on your face before laughing. "don't worry, he lives alone and we've actually been going on non-sexual dates too. we connect in more ways than one if you get what i mean."

you slap jimin's arm incredulously, looking around the cute little café that you were sitting in to make sure that no one was listening. no one was, of course, given that it was 11:30 am on a monday but that was besides the point.

"oh my god. so are you guys going to make it official or what?" you ask, leaning forward on your steepled fingers. jimin shrugs, leaning back in her chair languidly.

"i don't know. i mean, i really like our chemistry and i like where this is going but i'm not going to label it. i'm definitely not going to be the one to pop the 'what are we' question - that's gotta be him," jimin says. "even though i am so incredibly head over heels for him. so i would like to be his girlfriend. for realsies."

she adds on the last part almost as an afterthought when she sees your unbelieving face.

"i mean it! i really want to be more than just a situationship but i really can't be the one to initiate that. i'm tired of always having to express interest in others. i attract; i don't chase," jimin says with a catty smile and you can't help but grin at that.

maybe jeno was really onto something. girl time was amazing. maybe that's why jeno needed some space from you.

"i agree. and you know what, i don't want to knock it but that honestly doesn't seem all that strange, considering that your location has consistently been showing that you're at jaehyun's place for the past 72 hours," you say, laughing at her mischievously when she returns the favor with a slap to your arm.

"i don't know. yeah. anyway. speaking of jaehyun, or not really him, but his friend - not the point! jaehyun mentioned that you gave juyeon your number? and that you've been kinda talking?" jimin says, and now it's your turn to blush.

"no - i mean, yes. i did give him my number but it's honestly not like that. he seems great and all but jeno and jaemin seemed really spooked when i mentioned him. i trust them when it comes to boys. especially with my shitty taste in them," you say thoughtfully and jimin can't help but agree with that.

she checks her phone and groans, starting to shuffle her things together as she prepares to leave. "this has been so good but i have to get to class and you know how much of a pain in the ass professor joo is."

you also start to gather your belongings, slurping down the leftovers of your macchiato. "yeah. i think that my early lunch break is coming to an end anyway. i've got a meeting at 6 pm but we're still on for dinner and drinks this friday, right?"

jimin nods distractedly as she checks her phone to see if jaehyun had texted her. he hadn't. in the past four hours. she clicks her phone shut and looks at you with a determined look in her eyes.

"yes. for sure. you and i have a date this friday and i don't want you to cancel, you hear me? and do not let those investors keep my baby from me like they did last time," jimin says, wagging her pointer finger at you threateningly. you roll your eyes, pressing a kiss to her cheek as the two of you make your way out of the café.

"i hear you. no more investors past 7 pm on a friday," you say, raising your hands in surrender when jimin squints her eyes at you. she side hugs you before checking the time once more (therefore realizing that professor joo wasn't above calling her out in the middle of class) and scurrying off to snu, a block down from the café you were previously in.

you sigh, shaking your head fondly as you turn in the opposite direction to head to work.

+++

turns out, friday seems to be a very popular night. not only do you have back to back meetings from 4 pm to 7 pm, but juyeon and jimin have texted you multiple times to confirm or (try) to make plans for friday night.

and honestly you didn't really want to go out. in between the radio silence between you, jeno, jaemin (who only really communicated in really stupid tiktoks back and forth), juyeon's suave maneuvering you into agreeing to a raincheck to saturday for the date, and jimin lamenting the fact that jaehyun hadn't brought up the 'what are we' conversation, there was so much going on.

all you needed were your friends, chinese takeout, and a little bit of jane the virgin. or other soapy dramas to take your mind off of everything.

but you had promised jimin and you'd be damned if you were going to bail on your friend when she was already not feeling well.

and besides, you refused to be a corporate slave who canceled on her friends because she was married to her job. that's not why you had chosen this job. and that's definitely why you had decided to reject pre-med as a sophomore in college.

so you find yourself taking shots with jimin in her kitchen and...jaehyun and juyeon.

when you had walked into jimin's apartment with nachos and shooters of pink whitney to pregame, you really weren't expecting to be face to face with juyeon - or jaehyun, honestly, given that jimin had been so heartbroken over the fact that jaehyun hadn't initiated the conversation yet.

not to mention the fact that she had made sure that the two of you were going out in the first place because of the whole jaehyun fiasco. so when you come face to face with the last person on the planet who should be in jimin's apartment, you're more than a little confused.

"oh, hey y/n. long time no see," jaehyun says with an easy smile, dimples showing that he had no clue that you knew that your best friend was waiting on a kind of serious conversation with him. you manage a tight smile before pulling shooters out of your purse, putting all four of them down on the counter in front of you.

"yeah. i thought it'd be a little longer though. jimin, i thought we were having a girls night?" you ask, eyes flashing at her when you turn out of view from jaehyun and juyeon. jimin just shrugs helplessly as juyeon steps in.

"don't blame her. i was the one who asked if we could tag along for the night. i promise we won't cause any trouble," juyeon says, and you turn to look at him, only to see him looking straight at jaehyun. his eyes dart between jaehyun and jimin before finally landing on you and you take the hint.

"oh. no worries. yeah, no worries at all, actually. hey, you know what i actually wanted to confirm something about tomorrow's plans with you if i could steal you for a couple seconds?" you say, leaving no room for denial as you wrap your arm in his and walk the both of you to the balcony, closing the door behind you.

"thank you for understanding - jaehyun wants to talk to jimin today about making things official but he's been so nervous about it that he's been putting it off. i figured that it would be better for me to come with him to make sure he doesn't chicken out. and catch you guys before you leave so that he doesn't sit and ferment in his feelings any longer," juyeon explains slowly, sure to refrain from turning around to see how things were going inside.

you lean over the metal bars of the balcony, the cold sinking into your skin in a refreshing way, the april air finally warming up enough to go out without needing a literal winter jacket.

"ahh. good idea. don't tell her i told you this but she was worried that he really wasn't into her," you say. juyeon snorts, a sound that's almost unbecoming from a man so handsome.

"isn't into her? he's head over heels for her. i don't think it's taken him more than thirty minutes to get into a relationship with someone if he wanted to. the fact that he took over a week to figure out his feelings means that he's serious. more serious than i've ever seen him." juyeon seems thoughtful as he trails off, letting his words sit on his tongue in a way that almost feels like he can truly feel the weight of the words.

"hm. or is just unsure of how he feels," you say, and juyeon looks at you strangely, turning so that he was leaning on the railing, his gaze fixated on you.

"are you really that cynical about men?" he asks chidingly, and you shrug.

"yeah. i mean. i don't know. i'm best friends with two of them so i know first hand how fucked up men can be. trust me, i pray to god every day for more patience before i fuck jeno or jaemin up for good," you say, and you can feel juyeon's presence grow cold at the mention of your best friends.

when you look at him though, he has nothing but warmth in his eyes and he smiles at you. "i will admit that there are a lot of messed up things that guys have done but it's not fair to categorize all men due to the faults of a few."

"uh-huh. and when men turn into heartbreakers after getting fucked over by one girl...it's okay?" you say, raising an eyebrow and you can feel juyeon trying to physically retract his statement.

"no. no. it's definitely not okay to hurt other people because you've been hurt. but give us some credit, okay? some of us are trying our best," juyeon says, and you watch as his eyes fall to your lips before dragging them upwards again.

"some of us are just trying to find our other half."

you're silent for a moment, and the moment is all you need to push off of the railings and turn to juyeon with a sad smile. "look juyeon, you're a great guy and i hate to nip things in the bud - especially with someone i get along so well with. but my friends are the most important people in my life. so i don't know what happened between you, jeno, or jaemin but i know that if it really came down to it, they take precedence."

juyeon nods, like he'd been expecting you to say as much. how, you don't understand, given that your reasoning had come out of pretty much left field. and for no real reason too. but men are predictable, easy to read, and all it takes is one moment to understand their intentions.

"yeah. i know. i figured you'd pick them. not that i'm trying to guilt you for that or that i expect you to pick me or anything but i still tried my best, you know," juyeon says casually, giving you a thinly suppressed heartbroken smile. you melt slightly as you turn to him, giving him a half shrug.

"i'm sorry. i'm sure your other half would be so lucky to have you," you say gently. you look at your phone, where jimin has texted you saying that she's going to have to bail on girls night as her and jaehyun had decided to stay in for the night. juyeon seemingly gets a similar text because when you look back inside to the apartment, jaehyun is holding hands with jimin, who uses her free hand to wave sheepishly at you as they recede backwards where the bedroom was.

"i guess we've overstayed our welcome," juyeon says with a laugh, opening the balcony door as the two of you make your way back inside to grab any personal belongings and leave before you witnessed something that would end up scarring you forever.

you eye the shooters and then exchange a look with juyeon.

“i know we’re not - whatever but honestly, i think that you’re good company and this kind of night doesn’t deserve go wasted,” you say, grabbing the shooters and juyeon’s hand and dragging him out of jimin’s apartment when you hear the very telltale sign of a bedroom door shutting down the hall.

juyeon takes one look at the shooters in your hand and the glint in your eyes before taking the two of the little bottles you offer to him.

“i can’t believe i’m doing this right now,” juyeon mutters under his breath, but his smile is lighthearted.

“what, grown men can’t drink pink whitney?” you ask, throwing a shooter back and immediately regretting the fact that you don’t have chasers with you. you may not be an amateur on the night scene but alcohol still always needed a chaser.

“no,” juyeon says, knocking back both of them a little too smoothly. “i meant taking shots with the girl who rejected me in front of her best friend’s apartment where her best friend and my best friend are fucking.”

you look at him, searching for any sense of genuine discontentedness but the way that juyeon’s eyes curve into teasing crescents convince you otherwise.

it would be so easy to choose him. so incredibly easy. but jeno’s face flashes through your mind and you find yourself taking a step back, shaking your head when juyeon looks at you questioningly.

“to the club!”

+++

there are two things that you learn about juyeon by the time you’re another two shots deep: a) he is an absolute gentleman - not just to you, but to the other people around the two of you as well. b) he is a very flirtatious drunk.

in fact, he manages the very big, very linebacker looking bouncer to let him into the club even though his name wasn’t on the list with nothing but a charming smile and an absolute inability to keep from flirting with everything and anything in sight.

which is funny to watch, especially from the other side of the bouncer, because every time juyeon says something particularly risqué, you can see the bouncer’s ears go bright red before he finally relents and lets juyeon in.

but it’s somehow less funny when he’s using those lines on you. it somehow makes your head dizzy and it makes you forget why you turned him down in the first place. you’re half-convinced that this had been juyeon’s plan all along. to turn on the charm to the max so that when you’re under the lights (that honestly might invoke epilepsy; why the fuck were they flying around the place like that), you forget all about jeno.

it’s a bad decision, you repeat to yourself as you watch juyeon make his way through the crowd to where you’re standing in an isolated, somewhat calmer corner. jeno and jaemin warned you against him for a reason. protect your peace, y/n.

and even while you repeat that to yourself over and over again, when juyeon’s hand holds yours precariously as he pulls you into the growing mess of bodies, you find it harder and harder to convince yourself that that was the truth. god, he looks good.

his hair has fallen messily across his forehead, contrasting the way it had been carefully gelled back before. he’s rolled up the sleeves of his button up to reveal his forearms, and you feel no matter than a man as your eyes trail the depths that planes of his chest promise from where they peek out of his half unbuttoned shirt.

you’re vaguely aware that there are various people waiting for you to either make a move or to push him away once and for all. it felt like every single person in the club was fixated upon the two of you - do you want him or not? because you’re holding up the fucking line. for you and your friend.

and so you take the plunge.

you move his hand from where it was innocently resting on your wrist and place it on the small of your back, smiling when juyeon takes the hint and draws you closer to him so that your chest is pressed against his.

“hey beautiful,” juyeon breathes as he looks down at you, almost in disbelief. “what are you doing here?”

you know, even tipsy, that he’s looking for a real answer. and you don’t want to play him - you don’t want to add to the list of heartbreak.

“i’m looking for someone to keep me company tonight,” you say and look up at him through your lashes, a coy smile playing on your lips when juyeon’s breath falters as you do so. “just for the night though. you know anyone who might interested?”

juyeon pulls you impossibly closer and you register the copious amounts of men (for you) and women (for him) that are turning away from the two of you, more than a little disappointed.

“yeah, i might know someone.” 

and with that, he spins you so that your back is pressed against his front, his arms caging you in protectively when he sees that a man is looking at you like he genuinely wants to eat you up.

you can feel your self-control slipping further and further away from you as the two of you just let the music fill you up, forgetting about your inhibitions as long as you had this music and him.

it’s too perfect though, and you realize as much when you make eye contact with jeno fucking lee across the club. right before he dips his head to whisper in some girl’s ear.

jaemin is right next to him, his arm laying casually on another girl and you can see the sheer panic in his eyes when he sees you, and then the confusion when he realizes just who you’re pressed up against. you watch as he leans over to whisper (yell; you’re sure that no one can whisper in an establishment threatening to break the sound barrier) something in jeno’s ear but he’s firmly shut down when jeno waves him off.

you scoff at that, turning around the pair of you around so that juyeon’s back was to the two idiots that you call your friends, now facing the dj booth.

the song switches to a much more upbeat song that you don’t recognize and you take it as your cue to push any and all thoughts of your friends out of your mind. you choose to give no apologies for the way that you spend your time - especially if your friends chose to give you no explanation for their behavior.

if they didn’t need to explain themselves, neither do you.

and it works for a while. for a while, all you can think of is the warmth that fills your body. from the alcohol, the heat of juyeon’s body pressed against yours, or even the excitement of the atmosphere; all if it is just so intoxicating.

you forget all about the fact act jeno and jaemin are just a few feet away, actively avoiding you (and doing a poor job of doing so) until juyeon spins you around, looking deep into your eyes in a way that makes you feel, heat rising to your cheeks as you watch his lips move.

“i know that you don’t want - honestly, whatever it is that you don’t want - but jeno and jaemin are here and you haven’t pushed me off of you. so i’m going to shoot my shot for one last time, y/n. and if you reject me this time, i think that we should go our separate ways,” juyeon says, his voice soft and gentle and yet somehow, you can hear every word he says with perfect clarity. 

you honestly don’t know what to say. juyeon had caught you in a bad moment with jeno and jaemin. more specifically, jeno. you didn’t want that to cloud your judgement though. you had known juyeon for a total of maybe a week. you had known jeno and jaemin for years and for those years, their opinions on the men in your life had very rarely been wrong. 

and yet, the boy that they had warned you against was pressed up against you and those two were on the other side of the club, arms wrapped around girls you knew they would forget about by the morning.

you sigh, stepping back from juyeon, the sheer ridiculousness of the situation making you sober up more than you want to. you hear the beat drop to ‘kiss me better’ by rihanna in the background building up and it seems like everything in the universe is just pushing you to give juyeon a chance.

but juyeon understand what you mean when you step away from him and he gives you one last, longing look before smiling, gently tugging you forward so that the two of you can make your way to a less crowded area.

“you wanna go home?” juyeon asks. you know that he’s asking for his own sake, almost as though he was asking for permission to get with someone else to nurse him through his rejection if you wouldn’t. but he’s a gentleman and he wouldn’t leave you for the wolves and so he asks you if you want to go home instead.

“yeah. i want to go home.”

juyeon nods, already pulling out his phone. “let me call you an uber. and y/n? i’m not upset. i’m just glad that i know i did everything i could. jeno’s a lucky guy for you to care this much about what he says and thinks.”

you want to disagree with him. he’s my friend. of course his opinions matter. sorry. it’s not personal. i actually liked spending time with you.

but even as these thoughts battle in your mind, you find yourself unable to say any of the words out loud. 

jimin was your friend but that stopped you very rarely from doing whatever you wanted to do in the end. jaemin would often yell at you for your terrible affinity for working yourself to the bone and you brushed his concern to the side every time. but it was different with jeno. it had always been different with jeno.

you’re too drunk to think about the implications of any of that though so you just smile once again, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to juyeon’s cheek.

“you’re so good, juyeon. regardless of what anyone says.”

and with that, you step into the uber that has reached the club in record time and head home.

+++

you’re not surprised by the text you get from jimin in the morning. or the one from jaemin. in fact, there are only two texts that surprise you when you manage to finally look at your phone with clear enough eyes.

jiminy cricket: OMG i’m so sorry abt last night love!! heard you went out w juyeon tho ;) we need to debrief fr

jaejaeminna: sorry i didn’t get a chance to say hi before you left

juyeon lee: did you get home safe?

ur mom (jeno): can we talk?

you respond to jimin with a quick for sure, girlie! before stepping into the shower, electing to ignore the rest of the messages in your phone. your roommate, jessica, a girl that you barely interacted with, given that she was usually at her boyfriend’s place or you were at jeno’s or jimin’s had kindly left extra pancakes that she had clearly made before she dashed out of the house.

you munch on them slowly, sending her a message of profound gratitude as you try to digest the events of last night (as well as the delicious pancakes), making sure to tousle your hair every so often to get it to dry faster.

first, jimin and jaehyun had clearly made things somewhat official (or at least were on the same page) which meant that you probably wouldn’t have to try and help jimin decipher what that entire situation was. a win, really. second, you and juyeon had gone clubbing together and had shared more than one or two intimate moments. third, you shot him down once and for all. fourth, he still called you an uber and made sure you made it home safe. fifth, you saw jeno and jaemin at the club and neither of them said anything to you.

this was officially the longest that you had gone without speaking to jeno - or even jaemin. 

even the stupid tiktok’s had faded away to nothingness by the end of last week from jaemin, which meant that something was so incredibly wrong, it wasn’t even funny.

also, jeno never said can we talk. 

it was usually a much more casual wanna get chinese? or even a bring your stupid ass over here cause jaemin misses you. that was more his speed in his form of apology or trying to make it clear to you that the two of you were back to normal now. he’d never acknowledge the two or three days of radio silence, electing to just pretend that they never happened in the first place.

so going from not talking at all to suddenly such a loaded question was new and kind of surreal for you. not to mention that jaemin’s last text to you was also indicative that something was seriously off between the three of you. the text before that had been a tiktok of a man sitting in a car yelling, “it’s the way you act!” and now it was that he didn’t say hi at the club.

you sigh, debating all of your options carefully. 

you were obviously going to have to talk to jeno about the situation at some point. and honestly, you were going to have to have a serious conversation about the fact that he would do this every so often because it’s getting way too much for you to handle. it wasn’t as though you were doing something wrong - jaemin would call you out on your behavior, even if jeno didn’t. 

you were left to decipher what exactly it was that had jeno in such a pissy mood and you would have to try and figure out what it is on your own because he’s a grown man that doesn’t know what communication meant. for someone who always warned you against the toxicity of men, he was doing a pretty great job of showing you exactly why to avoid them. 

pushing all thoughts of jeno and everything else to the side, you decide to take the day as a self-care day for yourself. lord knows that with everything you had going on, self-care was the one thing you desperately needed. of many things, really, but taking a walk and soul food was going to have to do.

you’re just putting on a face mask (one of the korean ones that you had had to sell your left foot to pay the shipping for) when your doorbell rings and you hate the way that you already know who’s at the door even before you step to the entryway, where the monitor is to see who is buzzing for you.

you’re greeted by jeno’s face, alone, looking worse for the wear as he ruffles his hair, shifting from foot to foot as he waits for you to either let him in or at least press the intercom to speak with him. you’re trying to make a decision and you know that decision, as trivial as it seems, would be what would set up your friendship with him in the future.

were you really going to give him another chance? even as he continued to mess up this hard?

you don’t say anything in the intercom but the faint buzzing noise that echoes in the monitor is response enough as jeno opens the door that has opened once you pressed the button, effectively solidifying your decision.

he was jeno. your jeno. you couldn’t just not listen to what he had to say.

the time that jeno takes to make it to the fourth floor where your apartment was seemed to have stretched on for eternity. you weren’t sure the last time that jeno had been in here (last weekend) but suddenly everything in the apartment was just too messy.

you panic and rush to clean everything in sight before you pause awkwardly. this is just jeno. the same boy who had come over and thrown up on your birthday after drinking too much at your party. the same boy who would be sitting in his room screaming into his headset as he played video games, having no regard for you and jaemin spending quality quiet time together. 

and he was also the boy who asked for space when you needed him the most.

so you put down your weapon of choice (a swiffer mop) and wait for the eventual knock at the door that finally comes about a half second later. you take a deep breath before opening the door, coming face to face with your ‘best friend’ of the past three years. 

the little monitor had done the damage little justice. the eyeballs under jeno’s eyes were deep and purple, with his cheekbones protruding a little more than you remember them to, and his gaze deep and sorrowful. 

but somehow, you could look past all of that because your gaze is caught by something else - the purple and very telling hickey on his neck. he’s clearly made an attempt to cover it up with what you assume is whatever foundation you might have left at their place on the nights that you’re too lazy to come home before work. the attempt isn’t all that successful, given that your foundation is about three hundred shades too dark for his skin (which is as pale as a ghost around this time of year) but you appreciate the effort.

not really.

jeno looks uncharacteristically shy as he stands in the living room, having switched out his shoes for his slippers that he bought specifically for your apartment once him and jaemin started coming over more often. they usually fought over ‘jeno’s’ slippers (they had peaches on them while ‘jaemin’s’ had ducks) but jaemin usually conceded to jeno.

usually, he’d be sprawled out on the sofa with little more than a half-hearted ‘hey’ and bags of chinese takeout on the kitchen counter but you see none of that now. now, he looked like a lost puppy, shuffling awkwardly to stand next to the couch.

it would almost be funny if it weren’t for the fact that the two of you haven’t spoken in a week. or the hickey.

“has it ever occurred to you that we might act like more than friends?” 

the question is sudden, breaking your nostalgia and bringing your train of thought to a screeching halt.

“excuse me?” your voice is calmer than you thought it would be in your head as you spin on your heel to look at jeno in the eye. he licks his lips, a nervous habit that he’d picked up from you, but his eyes don’t shift from yours, decidedly steady. he’s thought this for a while, you realize belatedly. it was just a question of how long and what that really meant.

“i mean you leave your foundation at my place and i buy slippers for yours. i can’t stand olives but when we get pizza, i get olives anyway so that you can pick them off of my slices and eat them. you don’t know your left from right but you still drive forty-five minutes down and back to the bakery to get iced lemon poundcake every time i’m upset.

“i can’t stand it when you meet a decent guy for once in your life and i go off the radar but we - i can’t spend more than a few days away from you. so, i’m always showing up at your apartment with chinese food when the last thing i want to do is hear about you raving about your new date who has a job at amazon and wears real rolex watches while i’m still eating instant ramen and trying to get a grip on life.

“the worst part is that i think i’ve always known. even last night, i was falling into my old pattern of using people to get over you, y/n. in between trying to figure out why i couldn’t click with anyone else besides you and trying to figure out why i feel so empty every time i feel like you’re slipping away from me, i think i figured it out. sure, i hate juyeon because of who he is and what he’s done in the past but i hate him even more because he used to be just like me. and now he’s changed so much and become such a good person. the fact that he’s the bigger, better, older, stronger version of me with his life together freaks me out so much because what if you replace me with him? and then i lose the one person i think i’ve ever properly fallen for and one of my best friends all in one go? and it’s all so selfish but when i have ever tried to hide myself from you, y/n?”

your mind is spinning. jeno is heaving by the end of his rambling. you can’t seem to find your grip on reality. everything is just wrong. it’s all wrong. everything is wrong. what?

jeno lee. playboy extraordinaire. mr. couldn’t be tied down. the boy who came home with a new broken heart in his jar of hearts that he hid deep inside his mind so he wouldn’t have to think of the unintentional consequences of having an unavailable pool of love.

and here he was, standing next to the couch in the living room, looking at you with so much anger, confusion, and sheer love in his eyes that you’re almost upset with yourself that you hadn’t seen it sooner. had he always looked at you like that?

you don’t know what to say though. you can’t even tell if he’s still talking, by the way that the blood is rushing in your head like an unforgiving tsunami has broken loose. you can’t hear anything, much too preoccupied with your own thoughts to even think of listening to his. 

you vaguely register the fact that you and jeno are somehow sitting on opposite ends of the couch, a good entire seat away from each other. that was good, at least. you’re sure that your legs would’ve given out on you at some point if you had remained standing.

“why do you hate juyeon so much?”

the question doesn’t seem to faze him as much as you wished it would. what was it with men and not being stunned by the most random questions or thoughts you can come up with? it somewhat frustrated you that you couldn’t stun them with the same shock factor that they seemed to utilize on you.

jeno sighs, raking a hand through his messy hair as he struggles to come up with the right words to say. or honestly, any non-stupid words.

“juyeon was actually one of the reasons why i came to snu in the first place. he was kind of like my mentor - a guy that i looked up to a lot in high school. he was one of my older friend’s roommate so when i came to check out snu, he toured me around and showed me his entire lifestyle. i was a senior in high school back then and he was just a sophomore but i swear, i’d never clicked with someone that fast before.

“he’s always been super smart and incredibly charming. and back when i met him, as a stupid senior in high school, i thought that everything that he had was what i wanted. he had a new girl at his apartment any time he wanted and always seemed like he had the entire college wrapped around his finger.” jeno gets up, looking frustrated as he starts pacing back and forth between the walls of the living room of the apartment.

“long story short, i caught him making out with my girlfriend at the time over the summer between high school and college. and it all came crashing down. in hindsight, maybe i shouldn’t have hated him nearly as much as i did but the fact that i couldn’t see that he had no qualms of getting with anyone who wanted to get with him hurt me. everything i had idolized came crashing down when i saw the two of them.” 

jeno stops pacing, looking down at his hands, rough and raw from the biting winds outside. “it just - it just hurt y/n. and it made it so incredibly easy to just not believe in love anymore. and then i met you and you came into college looking for the one and it was just so hard not to believe in love. when you said you were going out with juyeon, it took me back to the darkest parts of my past mentally. ridiculous? weak? yeah. i know. but i couldn’t help it.”

“it’s not weak or ridiculous, jeno,” you say gently, finding your voice once more. “i’m just hurt that you didn’t tell me before. i mean, i thought i was your best friend!”

jeno laughs drily, a grating sound that tugs at your heart strings. “but he’s gone clean, y/n. he’s everything that i couldn’t be and so much more. he’s near perfect. i couldn’t stop you from finding ‘the one’ that you’ve been dreaming about since i’ve known you. even if that meant that i finally had to let the past go. even if it meant that i had to give up on being able to love you.”

you can’t help the tears that spring to your eyes. “jeno…”

jeno shakes his head, looking at you with watery eyes, dragging his red hands across them roughly. “stop. i don’t need pity. i just…i just wanted clarity. have you always thought of me as a friend? was i making up everything in my head? did - did i imagine that we could’ve had something this whole time?”

you’re at a loss for words. jeno wasn’t wrong. you’d gone to the ends of the earth to make jeno happy. any time he was upset, you’d drop everything to go get that goddamn lemon cake. you couldn’t go more than a week without him. even if the entire world went to shit, you’d always thought that you and jeno would go down together, fighting side by side. if it really came down to choosing between your friends, some part of you knew that you’d always choose jeno before jaemin or jimin.

and some part of you wonders if you’d always had that much affection for him.

“i don’t know,” you say honestly. jeno’s face falls, and an awkward silence falls between the two of you, with his feet pointed to the door and muscles tensed to move. you know that if you don’t come up with the words to say something that’ll convince him to stay, you’ll have given him no reason to. you know he’s going to leave.

no matter what, you cannot lose jeno, you realize. he’s the one part of your life that cannot leave. he’s the person that buys slippers for your house. he’s the boy who can’t stand when he has to compete for your attention. he’s the man who’s shoulder you cry on when your heart suffers even the smallest scratch. 

he’s your jeno.

“i don’t know,” you begin, rushing to continue when you see jeno’s crestfallen expression. “but it’s all so sudden, jeno. you’ve been thinking about your feelings for a long while. i’ve honestly never considered the possibility of - of us being more than friends. of being together. maybe i’ve had feelings for you this whole time without knowing. maybe my ‘one’ has been you this whole time. maybe we’re better off as friends! i don’t know anything.”

jeno’s breath catches as he realizes what the hidden implication in your words is.

“but i’m willing to find out if you are.”

+++

after the enlightening conversation that you’d had with jeno that morning, you’d made plans with him to go on a proper date on wednesday, a day that you had nothing but boring meetings and jeno only had two classes. the two of you had decided to first go on the date and then try to figure out how you felt about each other from there. 

you’d also taken it upon yourself to curve juyeon once and for all. he was a great guy and you were sure that he’d be a great person to whoever he’s meant to be with but after reminding him that you were distinctly uninterested (and apologizing if you’d insinuated that you wanted to see him as an anything after that night), you’d deleted his number and all thoughts of him from your mind.

jaemin had been equally easy to make up with. you understood - after all, jaemin was jeno’s friend first and foremost. even if he didn’t necessarily agree with jeno and his tendencies, being his friend first meant that he had to prioritize jeno and his feelings. he was relieved to hear that jeno had finally grown the balls (verbatim) to confess the painstaking secret that he had been holding onto for the past three years.

“three years? he’s liked me since he met me? and you never said anything, jaemin?” you say incredulously, thanking the barista with a quick smile before grabbing your coffee, rushing to beat the morning sidewalk traffic as you walk to office.

jaemin’s face on your screen is mostly covered by his covers - a sign that he’s either skipping a class (ancient world history) or avoiding some work that he has to do. it was both, but he would concede neither to you.

“it wasn’t my place to say anything,” jaemin says finally, and you finally look at him properly through the little facetime box, watching him drag his hand over his face. he looks as though he’s aged about ten years in the time that you haven’t seen him - which was only a few days ago, technically. 

“and besides, you saw us at the club. did it look like jeno was exercising any type of common sense? clearly not. he wasn’t ready to listen to the truth, no matter who was delivering it. so there was no point in trying to make him to his senses,” jaemin continues, wrapping his blanket around himself a little tighter. “it didn’t help that his coping mechanism thus far has been to just run away from his issues, forget they exist, and then use a distraction to pretend that he was never affected by it in the first place.”

you sigh. this much was obvious to you as well. the day that jeno had come over, that had been one of the first things that you had confronted him about. he had presented a similar explanation then as jaemin was now but even if he didn’t say anything, you knew that was the truth.

“that reminds me - jimin texted me this morning asking if you were okay. have you talked to her since friday night?” jaemin asks and you groan. in all of this mess, you had completely neglected to debrief jimin and fill her in on everything that was happening.

“oh shit, i completely forgot to call her,” you say, swiping into the company building, smiling as you pass a familiar face. “i’ll talk to her tonight.”

“yeah. she seemed kinda worried. apparently juyeon told jaehyun that you two had cut it off for good and told him about you seeing jeno and i at the club. i guess jaehyun went and told jimin,” he says sullenly. you roll your eyes at his dramatics.

“just because you’re the only one getting no action doesn’t mean that you have to be jealous of jimin,” you say.

“no - what? no! it’s not that. i’m single by choice, thank you very much. i could have a hundred girls lining up for me if i wanted,” he says, clearly miffed. you stifle a laugh; it was so easy to rile men up. “but it’s like a violation of bro code. jaehyun knows that jeno doesn’t fuck with juyeon and he also knows that jimin is one of your best friends. like what did he think? that jimin wouldn’t tell jeno and i or that she wouldn’t talk to you about it?”

you blink, completely lost. “i swear to god, i think guys have more complex interpersonal links than girls do. i followed like maybe 20% of what you said.”

jaemin sticks his tongue out at you childishly. “whatever. don’t you have a job to do?”

“don’t you have a class that you’re paying thousands of dollars to take to go to?”

“touché.”

with that, jaemin ends the call but even as you finally sit down in your little glass office, you know that he’s absolutely not going to go to that class. it didn’t help that you’d taken the class last semester and had handed him your notes. at this point, he basically only went to take the tests - after studying your notes for maybe 10 minutes right before.

you’re about to call jaemin again to make sure that he actually gets up to go to class when there’s a knock on the glass of your office.

“y/n? someone’s ordered breakfast for you,” haerin, an underpaid and quite frankly undervalued intern at your office, says. she’s holding a little pastry box and a straw without any coffee. “the person who dropped it off said that he figured you’d already have coffee but you probably forgot the straw.”

you don’t even need to hear the name of your mystery courier boy because you already know who it is.

jeno.

+++

“he brought you breakfast? to your office?” jimin asks incredulously. you had called her soon after haerin had handed you the breakfast (with your favorite pastry inside the box). you seriously needed to hear a girl’s perspective on all of this, even if it was coming from the most romantic person you knew.

“yeah. i mean he’s done it before - like during my first couple of weeks of working, remember how stressed i was? he bought me lunch and dropped it off at the office, back when i was just an intern running around and didn’t have time to go and get it myself.” you blink, looking at jimin worriedly. “that’s not weird, is it?”

jimin ponders for a moment before shaking her head. “i mean you guys were best friends. i’d do it for you. but i don’t know. i feel like guys and girls who are just friends are more like siblings and i feel like girls who are really close are basically like a married couple.”

“why do you and jaemin always say weird shit that confuses me?”

“no - it’s like…like with a truly platonic set of girl and guy friends, they’re always doing sibling-like things. for example, i think i’ve seen you nearly give jaemin a black eye for taking a bite out of your pizza. but if i wanted a bite of your pizza, you’d probably honestly give me the whole slice. i don’t know, but it’s a dynamic that i’ve seen with all of my female friends compared to my guy friends. but you and jeno have never been like that.”

“i have most definitely tried to fight jeno over pizza. i’m sure i’ve fought him over much less, to be honest,” you say and jimin shrugs.

“i’m not here to make you feel one way or another about him. your feelings are yours to figure out. but as an outsider looking in, even if you were to fight him about something stupid like that, it was because that’s how you guys talked to each other. it’s not like you’re actually going to rip that pizza away from him. in the end, if he really wanted it, you’d concede to him. you don’t really do that for siblings. it’s charged in a different way.

“i’d give up my life for my older sister. but if she even looks at me the wrong way, i’m ready to pull out her hair. or my younger brother? he genuinely gets pleasure out of making me have to redo my entire skincare routine because he switched around all of the labels. would he send me breakfast to my office just because? fuck no. would he give me his kidney in a heartbeat? hell yeah.”

jimin looks down before looking up at you once more. “and even if none of that was true, you don’t look at jeno like you look at jaemin.”

this startles you out of your own attempts of running parallels between what jimin was describing and how you and jaemin were or how you and jeno were.

“what do you mean? how do i look at jeno?” you say, your voice coming out shockingly soft and confused.

“you know how you were kicking yourself about not realizing how jeno looks at you? yeah. that’s how i feel looking at you looking at jeno. i didn’t want to say anything to you about it. honestly, mostly because i hated seeing you get down every time he would just disappear from your life. i don’t know that as your friend, i should be encouraging you at all. but he makes you more happy than i’ve seen anyone else make you,” jimin says. “and that’s reason enough for me to be happy for you. to tell you what you don’t realize yourself. even when you dated other people, you always looked at them differently than you looked at jeno.”

“how do i look at jeno, jimin.” it’s not a question and both you and jimin know that you know the answer to what you’re truly asking.

“you look at him like you’re finally ready to love. like you’re realizing again that maybe jeno was the one you’d been waiting for every time.”

+++

your first date with jeno had been a full course of a dumpster fire with a side of natural disaster.

after your (jimin induced) realization that maybe you’d actually had feelings for jeno longer you’d thought, you find yourself going through the day as if you were on autopilot. jeno sends you breakfast on tuesday and wednesday morning as well, although he doesn’t mention a word of it when the two of you are texting.

at least nothing had changed there, thus far. he still sent you those stupid reaction memes that he found on pinterest and never failed to make fun of your typos in the group chat with you, jaemin, jeno, and now jimin. 

you hadn’t seen him since friday night but by the time wednesday rolls around, you wish that you had a little bit more time. you’re still reeling from your newfound enlightenment and some childish, hidden romantic side of you wants to bask in the uncertainty and the almost juvenile way that your heart beats a little faster whenever you think of the date tonight.

the two of you had decided that you were going to try and approach it as a truly romantic date, rather than the quick food runs that you were used to with him. which meant you were going to have to clean up and put on a dress - a sight that you’re sure jeno was truly not used to seeing after so long of you lounging around his apartment in sweats all day.

since this was the first proper date you were going on (you insisted that the date with juyeon didn’t count, since you had only gone with the intention of being a good friend to jimin.) in a good while, you’d called in the big guns for reinforcement. the only reinforcements you had, but that was besides the point.

“i still don’t get why you’re curling your hair. it looks so pretty naturally,” jimin laments, setting down the section of hair that she was working as she moves onto the next.

“i know. it’s kinda silly but i wanna feel cute - like i wanna look feminine and feel cute when i see jeno. it’s stupid and i swear it goes against everything feminism has taught me but i just want to feel and look like my inner girly-girl has been begging me to,” you explain, pouting when you catch jimin laughing through the reflection of the vanity mirror where you were sitting.

“baby, that’s not silly at all. and it doesn’t go against feminism to want to dress up and look cute! reminder: feminism is about empowering other women and helping everyone have the freedom to choose what they want for themselves. whether that’s dressing up cute or being a stay-at-home mom or being a working woman or some combination of all of the above and then some,” jimin says and then there’s a wicked glint in her eyes. “it’s also very feminist to get men to do your bidding, i think. and hey, if you have to put on a little black dress to do that, then i’m all for it.”

“you sound absolutely ridiculous,” you scoff, but a little smile tugs at the corner of your lips anyway. 

“speaking of little black dresses, you’re wearing a matching set underneath, right?” jimin teases. you swat at her with your free hand that wasn’t applying glitter to your inner eye. “i’m holding a hot iron, you psycho!”

“jimin! i’m not going to have sex on the first date. not that i’m above it but jeno is different,” you say and jimin unfortunately catches the underlying longing tone in your words.

“oh he’s different, is he? girl, where having you been hiding all these feelings for so long?” she says and you find yourself not being able to come up with a rebuttal. honestly, you didn’t know how either of you had been so blind to your feelings for each other. and suddenly, a cold rush of fear runs down your spine.

you twist in your chair, ignoring jimin’s protest that she was almost done with your hair. “wait. you don’t think that this is a mistake, right? like what if he thinks that he has feelings for me but it’s been the chase this whole time. or what if we just don’t click like we think we will? what if i lose my friend and the person that i think i’ve liked for longer than i’d like to admit in one go.”

jimin’s expression turns serious at that. “y/n, you’ve only had a week to figure out your feelings. it’s okay if you want to raincheck and then go on the date when you’re more sure of how you feel, if that’s what you want.”

“that’s not what i want. i think that i actually have liked him for longer than i think. it’s just been so hard to realize that because he’s always been with someone and i’ve always been waiting for the one. it just scares me to think that maybe the one that i’ve been looking for is someone who actually doesn’t think that i’m the one, you know? i don’t know if i could live with losing him.” you blink furiously, willing yourself to not let a single tear fall and ruin all of your hard work for the past couple of hours.

“trust me, y/n, if you’re sure about your feelings and if he really is the one, then everything will work out. have a little faith in the universe.” no sooner does jimin say this, the buzzer rings and you and jimin look at each other in panic.

“it’s still 5:50! he said he was coming at 6:00!” you exclaim and jimin rushes to finish your hair. “you have to distract him! i still have to put my dress on!”

“oh my good lord, i forgot about that. okay, you focus on getting ready, i’m running!” jimin says, cursing when she trips over the cord to the curling iron as she’s running to open the door for jeno.

you shimmy out of your pajamas in hurried movements as you hear jimin say that jeno could come up but that the elevator was broken so he’d have to come up by stairs.

“there’s no sign that says the elevator is broken though,” you hear jeno say as you’re caught in one of the legs of your pajamas, shaking it off wildly as jimin tries to come up with a random explanation on why exactly the elevator had no sign.

“yeah, it actually just broke. like right now. like it was so recent that they didn’t have a chance to put a sign up yet. in fact, i bet that we’re in a space-time pocket and time just moves faster for you and slower for people inside. maybe this building is narnia or something,” jimin says. the room is silent for a moment before you hear the sound of the elevator dinging and you wince, your movements no doubt mirrored by jimin.

you can already see jeno’s amused smirk as jimin says that the elevators must’ve been repaired by the aliens in the space-time pocket. but they were living in a speed that was faster than human senses.

you’d seriously have to buy her a drink when this date was over, you think to yourself as you struggle to zip up the back of the dress. you don’t think that you’ve heard jimin pull out that much utter bullshit in one breath before.

you have heard jaemin say something similar before though, so it made sense that jeno was neither fazed nor taking her seriously. not that anyone could take that seriously, anyway. 

you’ve finally managed to contort your body in the right position to zip up the dress when you hear the door open and jeno saying something to jimin.

“i know i’m early. and i know she’s definitely not ready. but i found these earrings in my apartment and i figured that she’d want to wear these. if i know her at all, she’s wearing black and she always says that she loves to wear these earrings with her black outfits.”

you open the door just slightly for jimin to slip into your bedroom and deposit the earrings in your hands. 

“how do i look?” you whisper, waiting for jimin’s reaction with bated breath.

jimin smiles at you and wraps you up in a tight hug, careful not to wrinkle the silky fabric of your dress. 

“like a dream.”

that works for you and you take a deep breath before opening to door to see jeno. it’s just jeno, you remind yourself. and although it’s not just jeno because you don’t know if he’s ever been just jeno to you, the words serve as a good reminder.

he’s jeno. your jeno. not someone to be afraid of. someone who’s seen every side of you and still wants to see more sides.

you walk into the living room, where jeno is sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone (tiktok, as you can tell by sounds of football highlights). there’s a bouquet of flowers, gardenias, laying across his lap and he’s clearly cleaned himself well. he’s wearing a black button down and rolled up the sleeves to reveal the tattoo that he’d gotten halfway through freshman year.

it’s a tattoo of jeno’s favorite quote from his favorite movie, chappie. you are made for good.

he introduced you to the movie early into your friendship, and had been thrilled when he realized that you liked as much as he did. in fact, the same quote that he had gotten tattooed on his forearm was the one that you had custom-made for your phone case. huh.

how long had you and jeno been doing things like this? since the very beginning, you balk.

“you look beautiful.” jeno’s voice is low, softer than you remember and your instinct is to counter him and say that you always look beautiful but he looks a little too sweet under the light of skylights for you to find it in yourself to do so. 

“thank you.” you lean closer, eyes crinkling into a smile when you recognize the cologne that jeno was wearing. “is that the cologne i got you in sophomore year?”

jeno nods and smiles with you. “jaemin said that my normal one was too…fuckboy.”

“the sauvage one? hell yeah, it is. i think that most girls have a trauma response to that cologne at this point,” you say, and suddenly everything is so simple again. it’s your jeno, after all.

“it’s a good thing i listened to jaemin, then.”

you cock your head and you’re vaguely sure that he means more than just his cologne choices.

“yeah, i guess it was.”

+++

pretty much everything from there went completely wrong. for one, jeno’s car (which was infamous for coming up with the most random issues at the worst times) had decided to blare with just about every warning known to man almost as soon as the two of you sit in the car. 

by the time that jaemin arrives to where the two of you had pulled over to take the car to the car dealership, jimin offering her car instead, the two of you were already about thirty minutes late to your reservation. 

it had taken a lot of persuasion on jeno’s end to convince the restaurant to let the two of you sit and eat anyway, although you were past half an hour late for your reservation. as if that weren’t enough, the restaurant refused to accommodate for your dietary restrictions (even though they promised that they did on their website!), causing you to only be able to order an overpriced caesar salad with maybe three vegetables and too much vinegar.

then, as you were leaving, you found out that the valet had parked pretty much on the other side of the country. and it was pouring rain. to the extent that your phone had gone off about three times with warnings that there was a flood watch in seoul.

which meant that jeno had had to book it to run to get the car and pull it up to the front of the restaurant, where you were waiting, shivering even with jeno’s jacket around your shoulders. and due to the layout of the restaurant’s front, you were forced to run in the run in the rain anyway to dive into the passenger seat of jimin’s car. 

and yet, even with all of this, you couldn’t help but laugh. the date was perfect. every time something occurred, jeno handled it with ease, allowing you to just turn off your brain and let him take care of everything for you. he would always turn to you with a silly smile and another story of how the two of you always seemed to find yourselves in the most unbelievable situations.

through all of this, you finally understand what you had been thinking that you wanted this whole time in your wait for the one. not someone who made sure that everything was perfect and that the date was always planned out to the t.

no, it was someone who made you feel like you were having a good time, even when everything was going to shit. 

you look at jeno, recounting some story about how jaemin and him had snuck into a wedding once to eat food after days of cooking instant ramen in their dorm in freshman year, laughing so hard that you could barely hear the pelting rain outside. and seeing him smile like that, feeling yourself smile like that, just because you knew that he was smiling, your heart finally felt at ease.

definitely not a platonic type of love, you decide.

“hey, you okay?” jeno asks, eyes trained on the road in front of him as he navigates to your apartment. “you seem kind of checked out.”

you smile, shaking your head. “yeah. i’m all good. i was…i was just thinking about how stupid i’d been to think that i’d been looking everywhere but right in front of me for ‘the one’ when i didn’t even know what i wanted.”

“yeah? what do you want?” jeno says, his grip on the steering wheel growing tighter as he waits nervously for your answer. you look at him and jeno has to fight himself to keep looking at the road when he wants nothing but to look at you and commit this vision of you to memory.

your glinting earrings and your twinkling eyes under the seoul night sky. your drenched dress and jeno’s jacket across your lap. your wet hair that still somehow looked sexy as you flipped it over your shoulder. your soft smile and seeing you finally look at him the way that he’d been looking at you this whole time. he wants to capture it all within his mind and never forget the way you were looking at him now.

“i want someone to make me feel like that even the stupidest situations were easy to overcome when i’m with them,” you say softly. 

jeno pauses at that, heart beating a little too fast to be good for him. a smile tugs at his lips, no matter how stoic he tries to look. “oh? does this mean you think this date was a success?”

“i think this date was an utter flop,” you say drily and jeno rolls his eyes at that. “but i think my date was pretty great. i’m not going to lie, i’m still a little hungry though.”

“i still can’t believe that they gave you a bowl of lettuce and charged like $30 for that,” jeno says, shaking his fist dramatically. “i’m going to write a scathing yelp review.”

“i mean i didn’t have to pay so that yelp review’s all yours,” you say before turning to him with a sly smirk. “aren’t you going to ask what i’m hungry for though?”

“what do you mean? what are you hungry for?” he asks, turning onto your street. 

“ramen. wanna eat ramen and go?”

jeno has to use all of his self-will to keep from hydroplaning as he pulls into your apartment complex. “y/n. you want me to eat ramen and go?”

“yeah. i meant that literally though. you wanna eat ramen and then maybe ramen?” you ask, batting your eyelashes innocently at him as he parks jimin’s car in your designated parking spot.

“uh, isn’t jimin at your place?” jeno asks, feeling his heart skip a beat when you shake your head no. 

“jaehyun’s apartment is like two complexes down so she just walked over. why? you don’t want to eat ramen with me?” you say, faking a sullen pout. jeno rushes to correct himself, resting his hand on your thigh gently.

“look, y/n, i think that you’re incredibly attractive and i really like you. but that’s - that’s my issue. i like you so much that i don’t want to make you feel like i was trying to get in your pants and then do something that you or i regret. and i know that you’re probably just saying that to get a rise out of me but hear me when i say that i want to take things slow. for your sake, not mine.

“i’ve been thinking about my feelings for so long and i’ve been thinking about how in love with you i am for longer than you might think. to me, sex would kinda just be the next step in taking our relationship to the next level. but i know you. you’ve really only been thinking about this about us for the past week or so. i don’t want to make you feel like you’re obligated to like me if we sleep together. i know that sex isn’t just sex for girls; or maybe it is but isn’t for you, no matter how much you tell me otherwise. and i honestly don’t know where i’m going with any of this but y/n, my feelings for you are true.

“i want to take things slow because if we take that next step, i want it to be when you’re sure. when you’re sure of how you feel for me. maybe i’m not the one for you, y/n. and as much it kills me to say that, it’s a very real possibility. you deserve someone who’d bring down the moon and gift it to you if that’s what you wanted. and i know that i would do that for you. but i need you to believe that too. wholeheartedly. i’ll wait for you for as long as you need. you’re my person, y/n. i’ve waited three years - granted, three very controversial years - for you. i’ll wait three more if that’s what you need.”

you’d said the ramen thing very jokingly, only half-serious about your proposition. but hearing jeno now, you’re happy that you had. you’re not sure that jeno would’ve told you how felt about you and just how deep his feelings ran for you if you hadn’t. he was right, of course. he knew you better than anyone else, after all.

so you kiss him on the cheek good night and open the passenger side door.

you’re about to close the door behind you, ready to bid him goodbye for the night when you lean down to say something to him.

“thank you for waiting for me, jeno.”

+++

turns out, romantic jeno is just like just friends jeno. mostly because you don’t think that you’ve ever truly been just friends. he’s quiet, teases you at any given moment, and listens to you recount even the most boring stories about work.

you went on a couple more dates with all of the formalities before slowly growing more casual with each other once more. neither of you had brought up the topic of physical touch after that night but lately, it was getting harder and harder to find places on jeno’s face to kiss besides his lips.

not to mention that you’d caught jeno’s lingering gaze on your lips (among other things) more and more often. so, just like everything else in your relationship, your first kiss was completely unexpected.

jeno had come over with chinese takeout, since the two of you (honestly, you had made the decision and jeno was just along for the ride) had decided to start the indiana jones franchise together. 

you didn’t know what it was. the tousled hair? the way his arm was casually tugging you into to his side, covering your entire side as you cuddled closer into him? the way he was only a breath away from you? the look in eyes when he tears his eyes away from to look at you with the sweetest gaze?

everything. all of the above. you lean up to peck him swiftly on the lips. 

jeno freezes, eyes going round as his entire face turns bright red. it was hard to think that just two months ago, jeno had been walking around with a girl on either side of him at a frat party, the promise of a good night hidden in his smile when he looks like a deer caught in headlights at the slightest sign of physical touch.

“did - did you just kiss me?” he stutters, and you shrug playfully, looking back the movie in front of you. he shifts you so that you’re facing him, unable to look away as he turns to face you.

“i thought we’re taking it slow?” he asks and you smile coyly.

“a month and a half of dating wasn’t enough to convince you that i actually like you the way that you like me, jeno?”

that’s all jeno needs to hear because no sooner do you say this does jeno dip his head to press his lips to yours, gentle and undemanding. he’s soft and careful, almost as if he were afraid that you were going to disappear if he chased after you too hard.

but you’d been waiting long enough and this was jeno so you pull away from him, a horde of butterflies settling in your stomach when he chases after your lips, eyes still closed, as if he couldn’t bear to part from them.

“jeno, i’m going to do something and you have got to tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” you whisper against his lips softly and jeno nods, opening his eyes so that you can see the look of absolute love and trust in them.

you get up and hook your leg over both of his so that you were effectively sitting on his lap, poised dangerously so that you could part from him at the slightest sign of discomfort. it never comes, though because as soon as you do this, jeno pulls you in closer so that his chest was pressed flush against yours.

“are you sure?” he says, confirming for the last time as you see the last strings of his resolve snap.

“god, jeno, i love you. now please just kiss me.”

his lips are pressed against yours the second the words leave your mouth, a little rougher and more insistent than last time. his arms are wrapped around your back and waist, eyes closed and you lose yourself in the feeling of being so close to him.

needless to say, that night had been a long night.

+++

“i look like an idiot,” your boyfriend complains, checking himself out in the mirror of your vanity anyway. you giggle, pressing a kiss to his temple so that you don’t mess up his make-up, carefully dodging the stray glare that he offers you.

“you look beautiful, jeno. and besides, this is for a good cause, remember?” you remind him as you make sure that your costume looks good as well.

“i don’t remember what me dressing up as a spandex wearing animated character has to do with changing the world, but alright,” jeno grumbles, shifting uncomfortably as his ‘uniform’ seems to cling to all the wrong places.

“you say that now but you and i both know that the moment you see those kids at the hospital, you’re a sucker. tell me you aren’t going to practice your mr. incredible in the car,” you say cheekily, and jeno is unable to refute that. ever since you and him have been dating, you have often dragged him to events such as these.

at first, they were rather simple things, almost as if you were testing the waters with jeno. for example, when the two of you went on a date to a zoo in the beginning of your relationship, you casually mentioned that many zoos that didn’t treat their animals with love and respect.

then, soon after, you asked him to sign a ‘take down unethical zoo practices!’ petition. and then from there, jeno found himself at a protest to rally for the rights of beluga whales. 

not that jeno had anything against whales (he actually came to be quite passionate about the mistreatment of them the more he went to these events), but the fact that you took the world’s issues to be your issues was simultaneously your biggest character flaw and strength.

and he loved you all the more for it.

“you know who you are?” jeno says, swiveling around in the chair to mean mug you. “you’re woo young woo from that one kdrama. and i’m that poor unsuspecting boyfriend who wants to spend time with his girlfriend but ends up at a whale protest anyway. that’s what cute girls like you and her do; you get our attention, make us fall in love, and then ba-bam! you use us as a bodyguard and backpack carrier at protests and rallies!”

you roll your eyes, leaning down so that you were now eye level with jeno, the both of you lovingly aware that the banter between the two of you was not a symbol of actual annoyance but rather, mutual appreciation. you, for having so much empathy. jeno, for being so patient.

your heart swells when jeno looks at you with such loving eyes, trust and admiration swimming behind his façade of annoyance. you lean forward, pressing your lips to his, involuntarily smiling when you feel jeno’s lips curve upwards as well.

he hums softly, pulling you close so that you’re practically sitting on his lap. gentle and strong. a little callous, but only so that the butterflies in your stomach seem to be rebelling against the confines of your stomach, as if they too want to be showered in the love of your kindhearted and wonderful boyfriend.

you want to melt into his embrace, as you usually do whenever you’re near jeno, but your phone buzzes and you sigh, pulling away from your boyfriend reluctantly.

“that’s jaemin. he’s asking, and i quote, ‘what the fuck are you guys doing i’ll whoop your ass if you don’t come soon i hate this fucking gru costume and the kids keep asking where you are’. you think we should get going maybe?” you say, raising your eyebrows at the series (of rather graphic) of emojis that depict you and jeno conveniently being pushed off a cliff.

jeno snorts at his best friend’s antics, his touch lingering on your waist as he leaves to go start the car. he waits for you to finish responding (with a threatening message of your own) before extending his arm without even looking, waiting for the comforting weight of you clinging to his arm as the two of you leave your shared home, walking into the buttery evening.

it truly couldn’t get much better than this.

[agaypanic]

hi i’d like to request reader says i love you for the first time and reese having a hard time saying it back cause of everything that happened when he told beth he loved her (angst with fluff ending pls) thank you 🫶🫶

Don't Say What You Don't Mean (Reese Wilkerson X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You tell Reese you love him for the first time, but his reaction isn’t what you were hoping for.

***

“I love you.”

You had felt it for a long time. You thought about telling Reese for a long time. Finally, while lying down with him after a long day at school, him playing with your hair while you tapped your fingers on his chest, you decided to stop being so chicken and tell him.

“Huh?” Reese must have been worlds away, being pulled back to reality by you speaking after being silent for so long. You gulped, not thinking you’d have to repeat yourself.

“I love you, Reese.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t really the response you were expecting. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Despite your tiredness, you peeled yourself off of Reese and sat up. He looked confused by your reaction, which made you start to feel angry. “Okay?”

“Yeah…” Reese sat up as well, leaning against his headboard.

“That’s all you have to say?”

Reese was silent for a moment, thinking about his answer. He opened his mouth to say something, but ended up closing it and nodding instead. You scoffed, got off the bed, and gathered your things. This just seemed to make Reese even more confused.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

Reese tried to stop you, but you were already storming out of the room. He followed after you, watching you slam the front door behind you. He sighed, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Wow.” Reese whipped his head around to see Malcolm, who had been making a sandwich in the kitchen when he heard your stomping out. “What did you do this time?”

Seeing Malcolm just made Reese even more irritated.

“Shut up!” He shouted before walking back to his room and slamming the door.

***

You didn’t see Reese until a few days later. The two of you usually hung out during the weekend, but you were giving your boyfriend the silent treatment out of stubbornness. You knew that Reese wasn’t the best at expressing his emotions. But his response, or lack thereof, to you finally telling him you loved him made you both angry and sad. You had cooled off a bit by now, but had too much pride to approach him.

Reese didn’t seem to have the same problem. When he spotted you in the courtyard on Monday morning, he quickly approached you and grabbed your shoulder.

“Y/n, can we talk?” He asked. You didn’t really want to. You had to get to class soon, and you were still a little upset. But the look on Reese’s face made you feel more inclined to listen, so you nodded and let him drag you to a more secluded part of the school.

You patiently waited for Reese to start talking, hoping he’d do it soon. It looked like he was trying to think of what to say, which made sense because Reese wasn’t usually someone who planned things out in advance.

“I’m sorry.” You had to resist rolling your eyes. All that thinking just for ‘I’m sorry’? But then he started to speak again. “I wasn’t expecting you to say… that to me. So I didn’t really know what to say. But I love you, Y/n.”

“Don’t.” You shook your head, as if trying to erase what Reese said from your memory. “Don’t say that, I know you don’t mean it. But that’s okay, you don’t have to say it back, Reese. It just upset me because out of everything you could’ve said, ‘okay’ was totally not what I was expecting. Like, I don’t think anyone would expect to hear that.”

“But Y/n, I do love you!” Reese said adamantly. 

“Then why didn’t you say it back?” You replied with the same amount of force in your tone.

“Because-” Reese cut himself off with a sigh. His eyes trailed to the ground, not wanting to look at you while he explained. “Look, the last time I told someone I loved them, it sucked.”

“How?” You asked, becoming curious. 

“...I found Malcolm hiding under her bed.” Reese ran a hand over her face, clearly hating that he was reliving the memory of finding out Beth was cheating on him with his own brother. But he felt like he owed you an explanation. “She broke up with me, and then I joined the army, and it was a whole thing.”

“I’m sorry.” You said, taken aback by his casual tone. “You joined the army?”

“The point is-” Reese waved his hand, signaling to you that that was a conversation for later. Then he grabbed your hands. “After that, I’ve had a hard time saying it. But I really do love you, Y/n. Truly.”

You sighed. Now you felt like an asshole for storming out of Reese’s house and ignoring him for days.

“I’m sorry for overreacting the way I did.”

“Don’t be.” Reese pulled you into a hug, resting his cheek on the top of your head. “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.” 

The bell rang, signaling that class was about to start. But neither of you felt like going.

“Wanna get out of here?” Reese asked, pulling back just enough to look down at you.

“Yeah,” you responded, and you both started to walk to the parking lot. You squeezed Reese’s hand. “I love you,” you said.

“I love you too.”

***

Malcolm in the Middle Taglist: @rattilol

Reese Wilkerson Taglist: @hollymaybank @theogirlovermattheogirl

[sprout-fics]

Hiii, I don't know if it's a weird question but I wanted to ask anyway. What are tips I could use to improve my writing?

I currently use c.ai to practice my descriptive and creative writing (I know a lot of people hate it) but I don't know what else to use besides a Google doc. I'm too shy to post any of my actual work, though I do have a few saved in a folder. Is there anything you would recommend?

I love you and your work by the way. And I'm truly sorry that that a.i site debacle happened to you and I'm relieved it got resolved. Enjoy your day. 🫶🏼

Hi hun, I'm glad you asked! I'm always happy to talk about writing skills. I've been writing for over a decade and my craft is something I developed through years of practice and deciding what works best for me in my style. I have a few suggestions:

First, and this might be hard to hear, is to stop using AI. Not only is it data that is stolen from writer's works, it is also bad for the environment, AND it reduces your ability to think independently and develop your skills more naturally. I'm saying this as gently as possible- you need to wean yourself off of it and learn how to write your own thoughts instead of being prompted by a computer, else you will not be able to ever be independent from it.

Second: READ!! Read as much as you can. I don't mean just fanfiction. Yes, Ao3 has many WONDERFUL authors who deserve to be published. However, you will also benefit from looking at actual books even more than that. Read books you love, read books you hate, read books you normally wouldn't read that surprise you. Take notes on what you like and don't like about author's stories. Underline bits of dialogue and descriptions that made you reread them over and over again, and then take it back to your writing station.

Those are the most important lessons I can impart, but here's a few more:

Write the stories YOU want to read, and write them passionately, audience be damned

Don't chase tropes/trends to fit in unless they inspire you

Always look for inspiration in whatever you do

Find ways to engage with your fic outside of just writing (playlists, pinterest boards, drawing, hell, even interpretive dance if you feel so inclined)

Find people who like your stories, and engage with them to pick their brains and bounce ideas off them and to have support

When editing, try reading your story out loud to assist with clarity and comprehensiveness

Expand your vocabulary and vernacular! Use new words to help with your descriptions!

Mind the burnout (I admit I am frankly terrible at this) and remember that just because you might write 5000 words one week, that your average might actually look a lot different

and remember you don't owe anyone anything. Your stories are yours, and your alone. It's a gift to share, and others that treat it as an entitlement do not deserve your hard work.

Finally: Simply write. You don't get better at a skill by not doing it. Even if you hate your work at first, write it stupid, write it scared, but at least write. You'll never improve otherwise. and while you're doing so- have fun!

Here's some resources I use in my own writing:

OneLook Thesaurus

WordNik

DescribingWords

Words to use instead of 'Said'

Dictionary/word of the day

Writing People of Color

[kurishiri]

i see that you're playing the JP server and do the translation by yourself, would you mind to describe Alfons's personality? I got understand he's a cat-like-person, but sometimes i couldn't grasp his personality pretty well

anyway, thankyou for your hardwork 🥰 i really love your tranlastions hehe

hii anon! first of all ty for reading my tls 🥺🫶 it rly means a lot to hear. i find it also can be a way to bring over paid content to those who may not be inclined to pay for it…i kinda feel its my way of contributing smth to the community a bit ig haha.

but as for als personality…hmm i kind of opted to go with an approach where i sorta write down my streamline thoughts as i go. so theres not much organization, but hopefully it can give a bit more insight, or smth to think abt! i will put under the cut, as there may be some minor spoilers below.

alfons mini essay ↓

i think he is sort of like a walking contradiction. he does things in the pursuit of his own pleasure, yet his actions always save others who r struggling. he wants to create distance and acts like he doesnt care, and yet he is deeply sensitive. he has no will to live, yet can’t bear to leave others alone. he pushes his views and philosophy onto others, yet he tries to be considerate…perhaps by doing exactly that.

he cant bear the pain, yet if anyone got hurt, he would rather it be himself than anyone else.

he is a hedonist, pursuing things that r pleasurable to himself. he has promiscuous relations with his “friends,” plays around at night, casts illusions within the slums, and drinks away the day and night. he likes fun, thrilling, dangerous games, and his sense of humor stems from his contradictions. but is he really doing all this for himself? to him, escapism is an essential part of life bc life is nothing but a tragedy. if you dont indulge in these pleasures, life will someday crush you. he himself learned tht the hard way and thats maybe why he is quite sensitive to others pain and suffering and wants to relieve them of it. (this is evident from elbie and als first meeting!)

he does it in a way where he can distance himself due to the nature of his curse. again, it all stems back to the mindset of “getting close to them will only hurt them more in the end” bc they will end up forgetting he had ever existed…but he understood and empathized what elbie was going through, and that was why he had stayed with him all these yrs. and even with liam, though he never really meddles deeply, he was able to observe how, when liam needed an illusion, he himself was never in them. in other words, a convenient illusion to liam was one where he was not in this world. and with kate, he knew that she was scared, so thats why he “kept her company” so to speak. but in the end, he cant save himself. he cant forget what he wants to forget, even though he can help others forget their pain, so he is also self-deprecating in that sense.

but, rly, if you stripped away all the outer lyrs, the complications due to his curse and his trauma, at his core he is a very kind and selfless person i believe.

so kind, so selfless, it borders on self-destruction.

[n6ptunova]

need friends w benefits headcanons with chris pls (and him being crazy in love)

friends with benefits • chris sturniolo

a/n: STOP YOU GET ITT thank uu for the request🫶 also idk if this counts as a headcanon i kinda got carried away mb😭

warnings: nsfw obv, some fluff, not proofread

- you and chris hung around similar friend groups in la and you knew of the triplets, even had a lil crush on chris, but he didn’t know who you were till one day at a party he saw you talking to vinnie, a mutual friend.

- chris didn’t really mess around with la girls, partly bc he’s not looking for anything serious due to his commitment issues, and partly bc la is full of clout chasing influencers who talk.

- but when he saw you, the pretty girl with his vinnie’s arm resting around her shoulder? he wasted no time grabbing his brothers’ arms mumbling something about, “let’s go say hi.”

- the moment you met you got along like a house on fire, laughing at jokes only you two found funny, bouncing off each other the whole night and when you two were left alone, a few flirty remarks slipped here and there.

- you exchanged phone numbers that night and things quickly escalated, flirting intensified and after a few weeks you found yourself in his bed.

- you initially thought this would be a one time thing and so did he. neither of you wanted to risk the friendship you’ve built so far and have this be messy. but for some reason this felt…different.

- yes, it was your first time hooking up but he was already pussy-whipped. he couldn’t, for the life of him, stop fucking you.

- as shitty as this sounds, he usually preferred doggy style on one night stands so he wouldn’t have to see the girl’s face (plus he’s an ass guy wbk) but with you, it’s the first time he’s felt inclined to do missionary and he just couldn’t get enough.

- he’s already filled up the condom two rounds ago yet he’s still balls deep entranced by the euphoric feeling of being inside you. he only snaps out of it when your nails dig down his back and you manage to breathe out, “c-chris, too much.”

- “you can handle it for me, can’t you?” the way you tightened around him and arched your back gave him his answer.

- chris never hooks up with the same girl twice. he knows it’s a bad idea. so why was he calling you the next day to come over. and the day after that…and the day after th- you get the point.

- each time he said to himself it’ll be the last time, but he couldn’t help it. what was it about you that drew him in so much? you were the best he’s ever had. so he suggested the idea of friends with benefits, no strings attached and you agreed because he too, was the best you’ve ever had.

- you had no rules about fucking other people, but it’s not like he could anyway. every time he tried getting intimate with another girl, the only thing on his mind would be you, you’re what gets him going at this point. one time he couldn’t even get it up for another girl, it was the most embarrassing moment of his life.

- he thought it’s just a phase and over time he’ll get over it once fucking you gets repetitive. only, it never did. each time you did it was better than the last. he was convinced you had some sort of spell on him.

- you were the only girl he’s ever made love to. the only girl he ever enjoyed kissing while being inside of. the only girl that made him crave cuddling and aftercare so much he’d literally get withdrawals and be whiny if you weren’t in his arms after sex or vice versa. omg when did he get this soft??

- i don’t think he would tell anyone, even his brothers, that he has a fwb so you two would sneak around a lot in the beginning, until the others see you hanging out alone often, eating together, going to the arcades, bowling, the movies, everyone just assumed you’ve become best friends so no one questions it when you spend time in each other’s rooms (though nick and matt can tell you like each other but they don’t mention it)

- you only call him ‘chris’ when you’re hooking up, but when you’re hanging out or around people you refer to him as you do everyone else ‘bro,’ ‘dude,’ ‘dumbass,’ etc. so he associated you saying his name to sexual activities without even realizing.

- you called him by his name in a public setting once and he immedietly got a flashback of you moaning his name and became a flustered stuttering mess.

- he’d have little moments of confusion like when his heart skips a beat everytime he heard you laugh, and the overwhelming urge to make you do it again. and why did he want to be around you 24/7? inviting you everywhere him and his brothers go. making excuses to touch you in any way like having your knees touch sitting next to each other, or placing his hand on your waist to get past you.

- he didn’t understand what any of it meant but he convinced himself that’s probably how best friends are, i mean look at nick and madi, it’s the same thing, right?….right?

- i don’t think he really realizes he’s in love with you until one day he texted you he’s coming over and you told him you’re not home. that’s weird, where would you be at 2 am? “i’m at vinnie’s place”

- oh. why did that hurt? why does he care? it’s not like you had a rule about seeing other people, except he wasn’t seeing other people. he couldn’t see other people. and he kinda didn’t want you to either. that’s when it clicked. he loves you.

- he replied coldly and waited for the next time you see each other, he asked if you slept with vinnie and you said yes. from your pov, you were running away from your feelings for chris. you knew he doesn’t want a relationship and so to not get too attached you tried sleeping with someone else. but it didn’t work.

- you weren’t gonna tell him that but you sensed he was a bit jealous, you liked it. it ended up with you having angry jealous sex that night, but even though chris was roughly hammering you, the way he kissed your lips down to your neck was so soft and gentle, full of love.

- chris was so engulfed in the feeling that as he was reaching his high he ended up confessing, “fuck, i love you.” you were so fucked out that you didn’t even register what he just said until he dropped his body weight onto you, both of you catching your breath.

- “wait what did you say?” you’re both alert now, “oh- i said um…listen, i really don’t want you seeing other guys.”

- you smiled up at him, “then, i won’t.”

- “i also don’t want us to stay friends…i kind of wanna be more than that.”

- “and that would be?” you were teasing him at this point but you wanted to hear him say it.

- “i want to take you out on a date, and have you be my girlfriend. but if you don’t feel the same there’s no pressure-“

- “i’d love to be your girlfriend.” you cut him off, to his relief. he grinned and leaned down to kiss you, both of you smiling into it. after you pull away he rests his head on you while you play with his hair.

- “oh and chris,” he hummed in response, too tired to say anything, “i love you too.”

[junglejim4322]

Tips for finding better people to be around? I feel like I also tolerated people too much at timed when I shouldnt have

Okay my number one advice is do not be afraid of having a period of time where you are mostly alone/have very few friends or are friendless. most people do experience this although they don’t want to admit it, transitional periods where you don’t have close friends are very common especially at pivotal moments of change in your life and having a little while without people is better than enduring being mistreated. I learned from years of being mistreated that I am particularly inclined to end up around people who use me so I was incredibly careful and selective when I started making friends again and I can say with 100% certainty I love every person in my life and am incredibly grateful and comfortable with all of my friends for the first time in my entire life. When it comes to how to actually make friends hobbies are a great way along with talking to anyone you find interesting whether it’s online or in person or whatever. Strangers coworkers classmates acquaintances etc chat them up. Getting a temp check before you deeply trust people but also being receptive to being friendly before you know if you’ll be close or not are both great. The biggest thing is don’t let mistreatment of any kind slide if it matters to you u should be able to address it and a mature person will be receptive and listen to you. I’ve learned there’s no space for fear in relationships and if anybody has you on edge they’re not worth being around. And most of all GLHF anon 🫶👍

[quinloki]

QUIN! These how may I link your hc asks have all been amazing so far!!!!🥰 I hope you’ll enjoy my request:

I’d like to request breath play, degradation, and exhibitionism for Barto, Kid, & Katakuri❤️ Thank you🫶

\o/ I'm glad you're loving them so far - and AH! I love this line up, barto, kid, and kata \lol/ I know Kid doesn't have fangs canonically, but you know what, he's got the fucking vibes for it. (I think Tokki did some amazing screen edits to give him widdle fangs and HNNNNGH it's so good)

Alright, Breath Play, Degradation, and Exhibitionism - oh whew! Oh man that's some good stuff for these guys, so let's dive into it.

Bartolomeo:

Breath Play - FUCK Yes - Whether giving or receiving, Barto's into this one. It might actually be the only time he shuts up, frankly. He's either choking you, and intensely focused on everything (don't want anything to go wrong, after all), or he's being choked by you and can't say anything anyway.

The dizzying rush is definitely what he's going for, more than the trust involved in it. While there is trust there, he's strong enough to make sure you don't accidentally go too far, and he's focused enough to keep from going too far with you.

... Breath play with his full barrier devil fruit. I wonder if air canonically passes through that sphere or not. hm...

Degradation - Oh god you don’t even know - I mean, they don't call him Bartolomeo the Cannibal for nothing. This man can deliver a verbal dressing down like no one's business and he's not shy about it either.

I think he's less mean than, say, Eustass Kid, but his tongue is just as sharp. His greatest enjoyment is tossing barbs back and forth - it's not the degradation that he's really after, it's the thrill of the conversation, the energy that it fuels. You can consider yourself the winner if he decides to shut you up with a kiss or some oral - it means you managed to out talk him in the heat of things <3

Exhibitionism - Oh god you don’t even know - He's not a shy boy, but if you are he won't force the issue. But he's perfectly happy to keep the crowd back with a shield, pressing you up against the clear and immovable wall and putting on a good show. He can blindfold you, deprive you of your hearing, whatever you need to really get into it and enjoy it.

And if you want to be seen he's 100% on board with that too. It'd be hot as hell to "argue" and have you ride him with a gaggle of agog onlookers. If anyone tries to interrupt you can both put them in their place and go about your business. Luffy and his crew are probably the only people in the world who wouldn't have to witness such a thing, or at the very least they'd actually be able to get you both to stop ^^;

Charlotte Katakuri:

Breath Play - Oh god you don’t even know - Sure his future sight takes a LOT of the risk out of things. Maybe you don't know about it, maybe you do, but either way he's just so much bigger. It would be so easy for him to just

break you.

And you expose your neck to him. You accept when he covers your nose and mouth. His options for giving you intense pleasures are limited - especially if you're not seeing yourself as comparable to his size in this instance. This is one way he can do, to enhance the other pleasures he can give you and make everything that much more.

But more than that is the trust. The sheer trust. Anything he can do for that trust, he will.

Degradation - I dunno - He could. He's verbally torn plenty of people apart with a few choice words. But I don't think he'd be comfortable turning even a contemptuous tone toward you.

In all seriousness I feel like he'd be more inclined to sort out why you want him to degrade you. Which could very well lead to him understanding better and doing his best to try - but I think the discomfort would still be a big thing for him. He's had enough of that sort of thing dealing with his family.

Exhibitionism - rather not - Katakuri strikes me as an INTENSELY private person. I think exhibitionism would be a nightmare for him, frankly.

A little peeping between you and he, a kind of "you know, and he knows you know, but watching you while you bathe is hot" sort of deal where it's better (and maybe a little embarrassing) that you know. It feel so illicit and lewd, but it's just between the two of you.

But actual onlookers? Mmm... Honestly, probably more a hard No.

Eustass Kid:

Breath Play - Sure - He's not against it, but he's not for it either. He'll indulge you if that's what you want, but if his hand's at your throat, it's to keep you where he wants you.

Not to cut off your air. Why would he do that when he wants to hear you scream your fucking head off from the orgasm he's going to force out of you? Why would he make you short of breath when you need to be able to beg him for the mercy he might grant you once you've satisfied him? That would be mean.

Don't worry, you'll get your rush, you'll probably be dizzy and exhausted by the time he lets your cum-soaked body rest, so you'll get the same experience, without him having to give a shit about how well you're breathing.

Degradation - Oh god you don’t even know - Kid's aftercare game is on point because his degradation skills are maybe a little too good. He'll have you convinced you're practically a soulless object with no other value than how you make him feel good. You'll be thanking him for spitting on your face, and the names he calls you will go right to your core.

He'll have you put on make up just so he can smear it all over your face, and you're not going to get that no-run mascara, you can be sure of that.

Before he's done you'll be calling yourself the names he uses, begging him to use you. Waking up the next morning wondering what kind of fucking spell he cast on you, and then remembering the way you came so hard your legs are still trembling 6 hours later.

Exhibitionism - FUCK Yes - Kid likes to be watched, and likes to let people watch you. He's an attention whore and a ham and you can be sure if he can find any excuse to drag you out into a crowd, he will.

BDSM club, the deck of the ship, the market square on a random island. No one's going to be stupid enough to get any closer to you than he allows, but all those eyes are glued onto you, on the way his cock bullies into you, the way you moan like the pretty little mouse you are.

It's a mix of him showing off his skills, and showing off you - cause no matter how good the degradation is, you're the most amazing thing to come into his life, and if something makes you cum hard, he's going to be a fan of it.

How May I Kink Your Head Canon?

[hotcinnamonsunset]

i was tagged by @rachelica9 and @firstprinced to post 6 faceless pics - thank you lovelies🥰

(art in bloom museum event // homemade raspberry almond coffee cake // indie bookstore day treasures // graffiti seen while running // sleepy pepper time // honey pistachio latte)

no pressure tagging @gayhoediaz @canondiaz @untherapized-eddie @k-pepp @kizzyedgelll @ninzied and anyone else who feels so inclined to🫶

[juniperhillpatient]

This feels excessive, but 12, 18, 21, 24, and 28 for Azula please? Can pick two only if you'd like.

It’s never excessive when it comes to Azula she deserves to be treated & talked about like the princess she is 👸🏻

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? I’m gonna go with my most divisive take that pisses off everyone in the fandom on both sides simply because I’m the only correct person in the world & I like to speak my truth sometimes for fun 😇 I do think Azula is like 90% a lesbian like girl was only into Chan / the most masculine / traditionally popular seeming guy her age around because she assumed that’s what she was Supposed to do. She literally says she’s trying to be like a normal girl then “fake” practice flirts with Ty Lee IN the only episode where she shows canon interest in any male prospect. That SAID I do think there was something sus about Azula & Zuko like that bedroom scene was too suggestive & she acts like a scorned lover at the end in the final agni kai. So like, there’s my take that will make everyone on both sides of some fandom wars mad because I don’t even write for the fandom anymore I have no stakes I’m just speaking my personal head canon truth that’s fun & makes sense to ME lmao 🫶Peace & love 💕

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? Oh this is an interesting one for Azula! All of her relationships are by nature pretty toxic & rife with power imbalances. She’s either totally at the whim of her father who she worships as a god because he is also her firelord & also she’s seen what happens when Ozai is disrespected or she’s in a position of power such as with Mai & Ty Lee. I think most people know my favorite Azula dynamic is with Zuko but I’ve already endlessly waxed poetic about those two on here & also - while I love the dynamic, it’s canonically pretty messy on both ends & I wouldn’t say I admire it per se. Both siblings have admirable moments when it comes to each other but their relationship is still mostly just deeply fucked & sad in canon.

If I admired any of Azulas canon relationships it would have to be with the dangerous ladies! Despite what the comics & some elements of fandom have twisted it into - this was a very complex & tragic friendship between 3 damaged young child soldiers that really embodies “the love was there but it wasn’t enough.” Mai & Ty Lee are both visibly happy to see Azula when she recruits them. Ty Lee may not have been as eager to join as Mai & Azula did use her position of power (as well as totally unnecessary sadistic tricks!) to force her to join. BUT Ty Lee & Azula also consistently are shown being affectionate to one another & Ty Lee has a lot of fun helping Azula. I think what’s admirable is that Azula was able to form these friendships in early childhood that were strong enough that they were eager to be by her side years later as teens.

Despite her cruel upbringing & the inherent power imbalance, Azula DID form these meaningful relationships which is to me admirable.

That’s what makes the boiling rock betrayal so interesting & so sad. I’ve seen the take before that Ty Lee was not just saving Mai’s life when she turned on Azula, but saving Azula from herself / a decision she couldn’t come back from. I think it’s an interesting idea but I’m more inclined to believe it was a panicked moment of acting on impulse. Still - we do see, based on the fact that Azula didn’t choose to have the two killed - & based on the way this betrayal is the catalyst to her mental breakdown - that Azula cared quite a lot about her friends. In my head canon heart I know that the dangerous ladies betrayal & Zuko’s decision to turn on the Fire Nation started Azula in questioning her father’s imperialist ideals & that was the beginning of her healing ❤️‍🩹

Okay fine that last sentence is just a head canon (that ignores the comics. I will put cotton in my ears & go “lalala” if anyone brings those up to me) but truly I do admire the bond that was forged between Azula, Mai & Ty Lee!

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like? I like to give Azula the opportunity to heal & grow & change & to fix her relationship with Zuko & Mai & Ty Lee & even Ursa with a lot of work & slow growth in everyone’s parts. I also like to show Azula interacting & bonding with the Gaang! Honestly, I’m simply not interested in Azula fanfic that doesn’t include the above. Like to each their own but those are the things I like to write & read ❤️ Oh, another thing I dislike in fanfic is when Azula isn’t held accountable / treated like the flawed person who made bad decisions that she is. Yes she’s a victim but she’s also a villain. I can’t stand fanfic / head canons that treat her like some dull sad victim who isn’t ACTUALLY at fault for any of the atrocities she’s been part of. It’s boring & it makes me wonder what the point of liking a messy character like Azula is anyway.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? April from Teenage Bounty Hunters! I always wanted to write an Azutara AU with Katara as Sterling & April as Azula. Hm, also Chris Hargensen from Carrie (I even made THIS gif set forever ago about that comparison!) although much more so in the musical than the book or movie. Another one would be Veronica Lodge from Riverdale. That’s another AU I always thought would be fun. You can’t tell me Ozai & Ursa as Hiram & Hermione Lodge wouldn’t slay!

28. If you could have this character meet another in another media, who would you have them meet? I’m so sorry but I can’t remember who I discussed this idea with or the details but I remember a while back a friend & I talked about an AU where Azula actually travels to the Buffyverse & meets Buffy & I remember thinking that idea would be really fun. I’d love to see Azula interacting with the Scoobies & helping slay vampires! Maybe she & Faith could learn a lot from each other. Or just violently make out that would be fun too.

Anyway thank you for the ask I love talking about Azula & I really haven’t in a while. Anyway I love her 🫶💕

[sugudoe]

Hey there! New follower here 👀 heard your ask is open (disclaimer: it's been a while since I've sent asks so I forgot how to format these) I was wondering if you could matchmake me with a character of your choice 🫶🏼

My characteristics:

• I'm an academic girlie and like helping peoplel around me (I take a lot of leader roles in uni)

•I can be quite bitchy in a way because I don't tolerate shit (or you can call it headstrong)

•I think I have a pretty good moral compass

•Very reasonable and logical when it comes to problems

•People say that I'm an independent woman (I am but I also secretly want to be babied by my S/O

•Plays volleyball

•Physically chubby but confident with my body

•Loves books, reading, and dancing

Thank you so much! On another note I hope we can interact more in the future, I'm looking forward to new moots/friends on this app🫶🏼🥹

hii luv, first of all, i want to say that you seem like a role model, i love intelligent strong woman! and pls, let’s interact, i would love to as well.

✶ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: nanami and gojo.

ps: this are different relationships, not a throuple.

The thing that made Nanami Kento entranced by you was your strong input on whatever displeased you. Some people might think you’re an unpleasant company, but he loves to hear your complains on anything, mostly because he shares them as well. You both are the couple that “tsk.” whenever anyone pisses you off, and side eye each other, as a way of saying “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

This man loves your independence, he is a feminist (that’s a fact), he encourages you to do anything in this world, says it’s all yours to conquer. But, let’s be real, you haven’t payed for anything since he started to take you out. You dare whine, although is something you secretly loves, Nanami just smirks. He knows you, this facade you are putting only makes his smile larger. Nanami believes your money is yours and his money is for the both of you.

Your relationship is a very mature one, something the two of you are grateful for, because whenever a problem arrives or there is a slightly miscommunication, you sit down and talk your feelings to the other — that’s how you both have engraved in your minds the other’s mannerisms.

Whatever your job is, your academic inclination makes you his students’s favorite person to go whenever in need of help. Yuuji is always scratching his head with homework but you teach him well, Megumi is smart himself and just need clarification in some topics, while Nobara tries to girly talk with you. Your way of teaching her is through painting her nails and pretending the subject is gossip, as a result, her grades are top of the class.

Nanami tries to give you space when the students are over at your house individually, studying in your dinning table, but he’s always pulled by something and sits on your sofa, catching glimpses of you teaching, it makes his heart swell with pride and love — he hopes in the future is you with your babies, actually.

Nanami, as said before, loves to spoil you. He knows all your tastes, once every three weeks he stalks your cart from your favorite stores’s app and chooses what to buy. All is gifted to you with a bouquet of different flowers surrounding your favorite one and sweets. The audacity he has to be the most perfect man ever.

He does take you by surprise with a small weekend getaway for a little island, presenting you with tanning, all massages he can provide and playing volleyball with you. He is not as good as you, but Nanami can make some points. He blames the sand or sun on his skin, forgetting he have sunglasses on.

You love your body, Nanami loves it more. He likes to buy the dresses for your most expensive date nights, all eyes on you, but only his matter. He knows that, that fuels him a lot. Seeing you in summer dresses and bikinis does make him salivate — is summer, hot and sweaty, but he is by your side all the time. You haven’t applied sunscreen on your self since you arrived, his hands do it for you.

Every night on the trip, and every night on your home dates, Nanami and you are always at some point slow dancing to a calm song in the background, while you both whisper love confessions and asks about the day. He kisses your head every chance he has, and you peck his lips in response.

Loving Nanami is an easy task, you both fit each other perfectly, like mind reading. He loves to spoil you and at the same time to let you be the strong woman you are, letting to baby you inside your house, where all he does is hug you and say many many many “I love you.”

────〃✿ FUN FACTS.

◛ ₊· What made him fall for you was you snapping and shouting at Gojo — it was also the first time ever he saw you.

◛ ₊· He has a collection of watches to wear on special days, some of those he bought with a matching bracelet to always use with you.

◛ ₊· You used to be a jujutsu sorcerer, by your headstrong and moral compass, I think you would leave it all at some point after meeting Nanami to purchase a normal career, he hopes secretly to do the same some day and starts a new life with you.

◛ ₊· In the future, you both would be living in a coastal area, he is going be a bakery owner, making pastries, and his most famous piece is named after you.

──── ✿ ──── ✿ ──── ✿ ────

Gojo Satoru loves to be an annoying ass, but annoying you specifically has his knees weak. It’s not that he is an asshole, he just likes to pretend to be so he will get a reaction out of you — he always succeed.

Let’s say that you are still studying, maybe even purchasing a doctorate. Satoru is the proudest person ever, but he still will come behind you on your desk and kiss your most sensitive spot on your neck and behind your ears. His tactic works, unfortunately.

Every exam season, on your last one, Gojo always comes picks you up in his clearly expensive car, with bouquets and chocolate. He once tried holding a sign of “so proud of you” but you threatened to empty his snack drawer.

Gojo is a sucker for your “bitchy” personality. Wether is directed to him or anyone else, he loves how snappy you become and your comebacks. That’s why he loves to get you worked up, kissing your angry self is something he desires from time to time.

You try to make sure your boyfriend knows how important your independence is for you, but Satoru doesn’t care. He sends you the money for your whole school tuition, so you can leave your part time shitty job and focus on college (you begrudgingly accepts), he wants you to achieve your dreams, and hard work is really important to build character, but Gojo thinks you already are perfect and humble, and you have the right to have things easier — he is begging for you to use his money.

He pays for everything the two of you do, he only lets you pay for his sweet treats from time to time. Satoru loves the date nights and random trips to anywhere in the world, but mostly he actually loves paying for anything college related, he wants you to achieve your dreams. Besides the tuition, he gives you a new notebook, ipad, comfortable clothes, pays for any side courses you may want to take and study trips for conventions.

Satoru may be annoying, but he is the most supporting person ever. If any presentation you have is open to the public, your man is going. After, he gives you a lot of hugs and takes you out to dinner in any place you want.

Gojo does enjoy to test your buttons, but in sincerity, you would’ve never chose any other way! A man who worships any achievement of yours, that encourages all your desires and still, at the end of the day, hidden in your apartment, treats your as if you were a delicate flower to his touches and kisses, yeah, you are not letting him go — and he doesn’t want that either.

────〃✿ FUN FACTS.

◛ ₊· Gojo first thought of you was how pretty you looked with a scowl on your face.

◛ ₊· If given the chance to change his eye color, he would chose yours.

◛ ₊· Whenever you are studying in your house, he likes to sit by your side. Once he told you that he read somewhere the best way to learn something, is to teach others. He may be lost in whatever you are explaining to him, but he is wonderstruck with how smart and perfect you are.

◛ ₊· He loves to feed you his favorite candies so he can kiss you after and taste them on you.

◛ ₊· Satoru is easily satisfied! You once paid for strawberry ice cream, randomly, and he was the sappiest person on the planet for the rest of the day.

[frenchieee]

sources of light

(A Gray/Haze confession one-shot! One of them is drunk for the first part so feel free to skip if you aren’t comfy 🫶🏻. Hope you enjoy!)

Gray fumbled for his keys-how did they always manage to bury themselves at the bottom of his bag? Right, that’s what was flustering him at the present. It definitely couldn’t be Haze, who somehow looked better in Gray’s jacket than he ever had. He snuck a quick glance at Haze, who was staring at the sky in amazement, moonlight reflected in his eyes.

“The moon is so cool. She makes everything silver and pretty,” Haze was somewhere between a sigh and a sing-song. His foot caught on an uneven brick, sending him crashing to the ground. Gray dropped his bag with a thud, reaching towards Haze. He’d somehow caught himself with one hand, grinning up at Gray. Haze’s grin was one of Gray’s favorite sights in the world-it was the only sunshine that didn’t hurt to look at.

“Professional dancer, bitch,” Haze slurred slightly. Gray rolled his eyes with a smile, turning back to the door.

Speckles of moonlight shone through a fluffy cover of cloud, casting an odd harmony of silver and shadow throughout the sitting room. Gray softly shut the door behind him, heading to the cabinet for a spare box of matches. While this was a usual level of light for him, Haze would likely appreciate a candle. He plunked it on the end table, taking note of Haze’s sprawled form. Sleep was a likely outcome, given the state Gray found him in. Gray placed a small trash can and pair of water bottles near Haze, the sound making him roll over. Upon seeing Gray, his face lit up.

“Should you be inclined, please throw up in there,” Gray tapped the can. Haze nodded, patting the cushions near him with pleading eyes. Sure, he could sit. It was probably preferable to a drunk Haze having run of his apartment. He settled down, earning a satisfied smile from Haze.

“You’re so pretty.”

It was so quiet Gray almost missed it, but he nearly choked. Pretty? Him? Haze was pretty, although the words Gray would use were more akin to ‘radiant.’ Gray was…fine, mostly.

“Thank you, Haze. I think you’re the pretty one,” it was a bit forward, but it felt right, like exchanging gifts.

“We’re both pretty!” Haze shot back, sitting up with considerable effort. The fog in his eyes melted into unmistakable sincerity as he continued.

“Your hair is golden and shiny and you have a really nice smile and I’ve only seen your eyes once but WOW! They’re pretty! So there! You’re pretty.” Gray blinked a few times behind his sunglasses, the breath knocked from his lungs.

Nobody ever complimented his eyes. Even while discussing his appearance, they were always a downside. Faces dropped a little the first time people saw them. It had taken years of effort to be okay with his eyes, to wear his sunglasses as a badge of honor and not an advertisement of his flaws.

“That’s…the nicest anyone’s ever been about my appearance. Thank you, Haze. You are truly kind.” Haze might not remember this, but Gray could never forget it. Haze nodded vigorously.

“It’s true! We’re both pretty and kind! You let me in your house!” Haze erupted into laughter, a sound so infectious Gray couldn’t help but join in. When the room settled back into silence, Haze rolled into the cushions.

“Night, Haze.”

“G’night, Gray.”

“Gray?” Gray was nearly out of the room when Haze piped up again.

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you when I’m not drunk?”

Gray said a silent prayer of thanks that Haze couldn’t see his face, which was somewhere between a fish gasping for air and a bug-eyed frog. It would never happen, but there was no telling how Haze would react to that in his current state. Might as well answer in the affirmative. It would just be something for the two to laugh about tomorrow while Gray choked down disappointment.

“If you still want to,” Gray chuckled, proud of how calm his voice sounded.

“I’ll leave a note for not drunk me!” Haze slapped the cushions a few times, presumably looking for his phone.

“Remind me to kiss Gray in the morning!”

“What time should I remind you?” A tinny voice rang out.

“I said the morning.”

Gray padded down the hall as Haze continued to argue with his phone. Upon reaching the bedroom, Gray slipped off his sunglasses, gasping a little as he shut the door. Wow. As he drifted off, Haze’s compliments played on an internal melody.

Gray slipped on his sunglasses before leaving the bedroom. Ordinarily, he kept his home dim enough to not need them, but he’d left the curtains open for Haze’s sake. The apartment was sure to be baked in sunlight. Peculiar. The place was still dark. Gray poked his glasses in his shirt pocket, scanning the room for Gray.

“G’morning, Gray!” Haze emerged from the bathroom hall, megawatt grin glowing in the darkness.

“Morning, Haze. I apologize if I drew the curtains-I know how dark my place can be.”

Haze frowned for a few seconds before realization seemed to dawn on him.

“Oh! No, I shut them. Open at night, closed during the day, right?”

A smile curled over Gray’s lips at the simple gesture.

“I do. Thank you. I can light a candle if you wish.”

“I kind of like it, actually. Plus, I get to see your pretty eyes,” Haze giggled. Okay. He remembered. At least he didn’t seem embarrassed.

“Truthfully, I don’t think you could have caught me off guard more,” Gray chuckled nervously. Haze took a step towards Gray, eyes full of that sincerity present last night when complimenting him.

“Not even asking to kiss you?”

There was no hiding his facial expression this time. All Gray could do was hope he didn’t look too moronic.

“Y-you-“

“I meant every word of it, Gray. You’re pretty like the moon and I don’t just think you have pretty eyes. I think they’re the most beautiful eyes ever and I’m so lucky to have seen them. I’d be even luckier to kiss you, if you want me to.”

All Gray could do was nod frantically. Haze giggled again, pulling him in for a warm embrace. Sunshine radiated through Gray’s body, pulsating from his lips and hands, which were currently wrapped in Haze’s hair. The sunshine was strong as ever as the two broke, grinning at each other in a rather moronic fashion.

Gray had a hunch the sunshine would remain for a long, long time.

[phneltwrites]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to other writers. Spread the self-love~ 🫶🏻

💚

it's tempting to pick the long fics because they took the most work and have the most Stuff in them (themes, narrative experimentation, whatever) so i want to think a little more widely about the stuff i've written.

Bad Thing Twice (Not Me, Todd/Black). Ohh I love Not Me so much. What a fantastic show about a group of people taking down the biggest billionaire in Thailand. The main romance is great, the gang is fantastic, it's beautiful to watch... and then right at the end the most perfect best friends to enemies ship appears. otp of two guys who keep trying to kill each other over ideological differences but can't because they love each other so much. So then I wrote 64k to take that friends to enemies and add on a ...to lovers. One of my faves because I got to get into some themes that I love, like how and when to compromise, what to do when the love is real but the situation is hard. Also because I don't see anything glamorous or admirable in being rich and I wanted to wallow a bit in how much money fucks things up.

Say All That You're Feeling (MDZS, wlw wangxian). lesbians!! Genuinely the process for writing this was just coming up with a big list of all the things that I thought would be hot. lwj woodworking. wwx making leather bracelets and then playing with the leather bracelet on lwj's wrist. But then ALSO this fic is about comphet. Stage 2 comphet. Stage 1 is 'is it possible to like girls???' Stage 2 is learning to be ok with experiencing attraction. It's scary to be horny! It's vulnerable. And there's so much baggage around unwanted attraction and being predatory but like. it's beautiful and fun. We all know a useless lesbian who is like 'idk if that was a date or just friends' and I'm always like WELL did YOU say if it was one or the other?? and they never do. Useless. But also we've all been there so this is like, a fond and generous read on that situation (i hope)

Retrieved from Impossibility (Leverage, Eliot/Parker/Hardison). Possibly the most Me fic I've ever written. Android Eliot desperately clinging to his humanity, Parker's fierce sense of what's okay and not, and Hardison being so smart and caring and also into robots. I love books about cognition and humanity and agency and I also am very weak to a trope about heisting a person so they can be free, so.

Falling Til Four in the Morning (MDZS, wangxian). I sure do love a hyperspecific AU. Like this, technically, is a coffee shop AU, however it's set in the 90s and wwx aspires to dotcom and lwj works in radio. I researched so much for this fic and nothing makes me feel better than people in the comments say it captured the vibe of the era. In case anyone reading this has read that fic and wondered: wwx disassociated himself from the Jiangs because he was doing AIDS activism and it was communicated to him that he was shaming them.

Standing in Sharpening Wind (Game of Thrones, Jon/Tormund). A fave cause I think the setting comes through clearly, which is always something I'm working on. I feel cold in the spaces in the sentences. I can't believe I never had any fic writing inclination for this show until the end of S8 pissed me off SO bad. Not even the point of this fic but Brienne/Sansa forever I can't believe that show fucked me so bad. uhh anyway yeah north of the wall vibes, some culture clash stuff, Tormund pining like an idiot, lots of fun for me to write

[hayjeon]

🥹

hi everyone, i know it’s been quite a while.

i don’t even remember how to use the app/site well enough to find when the last time i posted a fic was (like, where did the time stamps go?!)

i bet this won’t come as much of a surprise to anyone who’s been following me for a while because i clearly went MIA for a few years. just wanted to pop back in and clarify a few things and let yall know i am alive and well 🫶🏻

WHERE TF R U

i have, unfortunately, moved on from my ff writing era of my life. i’ve seen all your messages of support and reactions to my writing and constantly see the reposts and recs made in my email inbox, and i cherish each and every one of them and do miss yall very often. i am currently now working and traveling full time, and am just past the era in which i used to absolutely love bts/kpop. i’m actually now an avid ao3 dramione reader 😂 and have devoted a lot of my time to getting physically/emotionally healthier, furthering my career, and just pouring love into myself and everyone around me 🤌🏻

DO YOU EVEN LIKE BTS ANYMORE

i still do love/listen to bts, but i’ve also been feeling like i’ve outgrown them a bit and no longer actively read bts fics myself 🥹 but to sometimes come back to my own blog and my homepage to see that other writers are still here and dedicated makes me feel so giddy and happy for them. watching bts grow from their boy in luv era when i first became a fan to the degree they’re at now and even when i stopped actively writing (probably when they started breaking into the US/english lyrics, or covid era) was such a big life landmark for me, and i will always cherish them in my heart for that. i will also always cherish this blog, that kept me actively writing, throughout uni, and actively creating content anonymously, for helping me through some hard times emotionally, physically, and mentally.

WHATS GONNA HAPPEN WITH UR FICS

i don’t think i’ll be updating any of my wips: any writer out there who feels inclined to continue the stories, i give you full permission (pls don’t plagiarize!) and would hope that you drop a quick msg in my inbox when you post so i can read them (better than tags!) 🥰 would also be happy to share where i intended a lot of my fics to go plot-wise. i also deem it would be a disservice to a lot of you for me to release unfinished drafts, but im happy to share that as well to anyone who wants to pick it up, or just are curious where the plots went (lmk if ur into that?)

WHAT ABOUT THIS BLOG

i will be keeping this blog up and active. anyone who wants to pop in and re-read anything: thank you for your continued support. feel free to translate, repost, use as inspiration, continue the stories yourselves, and do whatever you want. i’m sending these fics as a love letter to everyone who’s supported me thus far, and anyone new to the fandom (welcome! i know army has increased so much since i left) into the universe and all i can do is release them with a sense of peace and love, although it’s a bit bittersweet.

CAN WE STILL ASK QUESTIONS

of course 😍 i love seeing them in my inbox so continue to ask away!!!

to conclude:

thank you to everyone here.

thank you to bts and hope for a quick and safe army service to all of them.

and happy new year 🫶🏻

[jackabbot]

🌟 10 Questions For Writers 🌟

• how many works do you have on ao3?

28

• what’s your total ao3 word count?

346,359

• what fandoms do you write for?

i've been known to write for the witcher and stranger things but currently i only write for 911 actively

• do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yeah, sometimes it takes me a few weeks to get to them, but i respond to all of them 🫶

• have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so?

• have you ever cowritten a fic before?

if rping in fic form counts then yeah, last time i did it was probably in 2016 and never again thanks oof

• what’s your all-time favorite ship?

i wanna say buddie... but ngl the constant ship wars that turned into outright bigorty and harassment are definitely souring the taste

• what are your writing strengths?

i get a lot of comments saying that the readers could "see what was happening very clearly in their minds" idk if that's just courtesy, but let's go with that, i am indeed very neurotic about details and word choices so...

• what are your writing weaknesses?

writing action scenes that are actually exciting i guess? though i've been getting better i think, if the positive comments anything to go by <3

• first fandom you wrote for?

i'd say probably jpop rpf or criminal minds

✨I have been tagged by and am tagging the ever so lovely @queerdiazs @spagheddiediaz @jeeyuns @evansboyfriend @exhuastedpigeon @likegoldintheair (you can just change it to tumblr instead of ao3 🤭🫶) @diazsdimples @honestlydarkprincess @watchyourbuck @actualalligator @loveyouanyway @evanbi-ckley and anyone else who feels inclined to share mwuahhh 💛

[mechsangel]

Hi!! I just wanted to reach out about the whole format/layout thing. I personally didn’t have a problem, as I said before because I thought the differences were stark but I was also unsure because if someone felt so strongly about the similarities then I felt inclined to take their opinion in. I really hope it didn’t cause any negative feelings because the last thing I’d ever want is for a fellow creator to have a less than fun experience being on tumblr. And if it’s any consolation, I absolutely love your new layout. I think it’s so cute and so unique and there’s absolutely no way anyone would think your posts are anyone else’s but yours. Thank you for being amenable and I’m sorry this occurred. Happy writing!!🫶

Ah, thank you so much for reaching out! I'm also sorry this happened. Don't worry, it didn't cause any harm, I'm just glad you reached out to me since I was a little worried about the whole thing. I definitely feel better now that I have your opinion!! I also hope it didn't stress you out too much, but I wanted to send you a message since I really didn't want there to be any drama surrounding this or for you to feel uncomfy!

Also ,, thank you for liking the new layout!! It was a bit of a rushed decision, but if it's cute then that works out. 😭😭

Thank you for being kind + understanding! 🫶🏻🫶🏻 And I hope you know it wasn't my intention to ever make it seem like I copied you ,,, I genuinely didn't even think of that when I made the layout the first time