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groovybaybee · 4 years ago

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In The Club - 1

cw: bit of smut, alcohol consumption, think that’s all, terrible writing but that’s a given

(8.8k i’m so sorry, the other chapters won’t be this long i promise)

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Fucking your friend is never as problem-free as you convince yourself it will be. Sure, it starts out simply enough; two horny people agreeing to a moment of need-driven desperation. If you are lucky, the sex is terrible and forms the basis of just another inside joke between you. However, if you are truly unfortunate, the sex is fantastic and addictive and so convenient that you convince yourself it is an ideal situation.

“Fuck me,” I groan blissfully as the cool night air smacks against my exposed flesh.

Despite still not falling into the habit, the smoking area of any club quickly becomes my sanctuary on any given night out. Something about the space feels sacred and sinful at once, a free zone of communal naughtiness.

Its more than that. The haze-filled space offers a welcome reprieve, whether that be from thumping beats, one drink too many, or lecherous advances. Standing outside in my sanctuary, breathing in a mixture of second-hand smoke and crisp, late August air; I feel at peace. My eyelids flutter closed and my head rolls back until my chin is parallel with the night sky.

Its cold. We knew it would be before we came out, the idea of a summer in London feeling like some sick joke as we rallied around each other to avoid bringing jackets to avoid wasting time in a queue for the cloakroom. The evening’s chill does not bother me, instead, I appreciate the way it sinks into my skin, chilling the heat being pumped through my veins. The beads of sweat in my hairline begin to dissipate as the soft breeze caresses every piece of bare skin.

“You alright there, babe?” I hear Harry ask, promptly reminding me that I am not alone despite being in my own little world.

A smile pulls across my face, but I take a second to breathe one final inhale of tranquillity before meeting his gaze. He is grinning at me, clearly finding amusement in my cooling down process. If his use of the name ‘babe’ had fallen on deaf ears, the toothy grin and glazed look in his eyes would quickly clear up any confusion as to his state of intoxication.

The sweet boy is pissed.

As he has every right to be. Tonight marks the first night in months he has accepted an invitation to come out. Do not get me wrong, Harry is an inspiration for his dedication to his work and it is obvious that creating music is his path in life, his primary passion, but man have I missed him. The past month has been the worst, almost every offer to spend time together being met with a consolatory ‘Have to work sorry :(‘ text message. Despite knowing that this was the truth, and would only last a little while longer until his newest album was fully wrapped, it still stung not being able to relax after a long week with a bottle of wine, some horrendous film, and one of my best friends. But the album is done, fully mastered and now just awaited final approval before being birthed to the world. Now, I have my boy back.

“I’m so happy you came,” I tell him, wrapping my arms clumsily around his neck.

I feel a breath of laughter against my hair as he pulls me into a tight hug. The two of us sway enthusiastically together, likely encouraged by a mixture of spirits but happy, nonetheless.

Pulling away from him I press a quick kiss to his lips, hands on his cheeks squeezing his face gleefully. This is not the first time I have kissed Harry during our two-year long friendship. The two of us even went through a brief period of kissing each other hello, up until just over a year ago. So, it is little shock to the rest of our friendship group when we share a few giggle-fuelled smooches.

“Get a room,” Deb laughs, stubbing out the butt of her cigarette with an amused eyeroll.

“Some people would pay good money to see this sweet action.” Harry teases, a hand gripping my hip and pulling my body flush against his to prove his point.

I would be lying to myself if I said his body did not feel good against mine, that his lips don’t spread warmth through my chest, but so does gin.

“Tanya’s having afters at her’s, anyone fancy it?” Bri asks, wobbling on weakened ankles as she walks over to us, arms wrapped tightly around her petite frame to fight the cold.

The question is indirectly aimed at Deb, something only Harry and I seem to notice, a smirk shared between the two of us at this realisation. It is the same pattern every time we go out and the night starts to draw to a close. The potential for an end to the evening is too much for them, not wanting to say goodbye to each other, but not having enough courage to specifically ask the other to spend time together. So, the roll of cupid falls on my shoulders once again.

The moment I hear Deb agree to go with Bri, I speak up, “No way am I staying up until five with you two chain-smokers. I’m going home.”

“So boring,” Bri teases, a grateful look in her eyes. I send her a quick wink when Deb is distracted, asking Harry if he will join.

“Nah, think I’ll skip it as well. Make sure this one gets home alright.” He responds, a gentle squeeze to the flesh of my hips.

“Sure,” Deb smirks before turning to Bri.

The two women look at each other for a moment, a soft haze of smoke and stifled attraction surrounding them.

“Have a good time,” I interrupt, snapping them out of their unintentional staring contest. Each gives me a hug, desperate to hide their pinkened cheeks from the other. “Be safe, I love you both.”

“You too!” Bri hollers as they begin to walk away.

“Use protection!” Deb shouts across the crowded area, eliciting embarrassed giggles from Harry and myself as we hide our faces in the other’s neck.

“You staying at mine tonight?” I query as I lift my head from the crook of his neck. “Missed having you round.”

“I’d love that,” Harry says, pressing a kiss to my forehead, “Want to go now?”

I nod and smile as he finishes the last of his drink in one gulp, Adam’s apple bobbing harshly. A large drop spills from the corner of his mouth and he clumsily wipes it away with the pad of his thumb. His hand slips into mine as we cut through the crowd in the same direction as Deb and Bri

A smirk graces my lips as I picture the pair sat in a car together, completely oblivious to their mutual attraction. Since the moment they were introduced at my birthday party a few years back, they have tiptoed around each other, both deeply infatuated but too scared to make the first move. Sometimes I worry that they are too similar for their own good, that they will dance around the subject forever.

“Who do you think will make the first move?” I ask Harry as we walk to find a nearby takeaway, my body on autopilot as Harry leads me through quiet London backstreets.

“Probably me.” Harry says absentmindedly, focussing the majority of his attention on checking the road is clear before we cross.

“Deb or Bri, idiot.” I chuckle, my legs working overtime as I try to keep instep with his long strides.

“Oh, Deb, guaranteed.” Harry posits, holding the door to the almost empty chip shop open for me to step inside.

“I’m not so sure,” I say as we join the queue, the group of girls in front of us swaying, most holding their high heels as they discuss condiments. “At uni, Deb was always too shy to go up to girls, so I had to do it for her, but Bri’s a model you know, confidence kind of comes with the territory.”

“Not necessarily. Bet you a tenner it’s Deb.” He smirks, hand already outstretched to shake mine.

“You’re on,” I shake his hand firmly, the mischievous twinkle in his eye charming me more than I would like to admit. “Want to split some chips?”

* * *

By the time we pile into my flat, the food is almost cold, the two of us quickly chowing down as we collapse on to the sofa. We work like a well-oiled machine, falling into our habits of pouring water, kicking our shoes off, and switching on some late-night television.

“I know I’ve said this a hundred times,” I start softly as my wild eyes attempt to focus on him under the dim light, “But it’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you, man.”

“C’mere,” Harry grins, pulling me into a tight squeeze before we settle side by side into the cushions. “Been meaning to tell you, you look great tonight.” Harry smiles cheekily.

“You going to try and snog me again?” I tease through a mouthful of chips.

“You do look irresistible right now.” Harry chimes, wiping a smudge of ketchup from the corner of my mouth before popping his finger in his mouth to clean it.

There is a brief pause, a second or so of silence before Harry speaks again, picking through the box of chips for the perfect one.

“I liked kissing you.”

“Do it again then.” I tease, wondering if he will take the bait or laugh it off.

Turning in his seat until he is facing me, a curious smirk plays at the corners of his mouth. For a second, his lips pucker in thought.

It is all I can do not to let out a little breath of laughter. The situation is bizarre, undoubtedly. Yet, there is a distinct sensation of calm filtering through my body, as though no matter the outcome, I would be satisfied.

“I shouldn’t… Haven’t had sex in months, scared it might stir up something in me.” With that, he turns his attention to the TV, slouching down into the sofa cushions.

“Harry,” I utter softly.

“Hmm?” he asks, my gaze fixed on his jaw as he clenches and releases it absentmindedly.

“Kiss me.”

Turning to face me yet again, this time with an incredibly serious look on his face, his eyes dark and stern. While he observes me, I take a sip of my water. His eyes follow me intensely, watching my lips part before lowering the glass and swallowing, his throat bobbing with mine.

“Are you sure?”

“Beyond sure.” I tell him with enough confidence for the both of us.

Our lips meet somewhere between us, lazily melting together as we sink into the sofa cushions. We move in a blur, arms around each other, hands caressing faces.

Our clothes tangle as we hastily undress ourselves, giggling as the garments collide on their way to the living room floor.

“This is stupid, isn’t it?” Harry grins before connecting our lips over and over.

“Completely.” I smirk between tequila-flavoured kisses.

“Condom?” he asks, voice slightly muffled by the flesh of my shoulder.

“Implant.” I tell him breathlessly, mentally reminding myself of my appointment to get it replaced next week.

Harry just nods into the crook of my neck, a hand reaching down to position himself. The giggles fade away as we become fully connected, slipping naturally into a symbiotic amalgamation of limbs and lips. It is hasty and sweaty, each of our movements oozing with lust. Our bodies work quickly with one another, only personal need driving us until we pull our clothes back on.

“Nice.” I tease, reaching my hand out for a high-five.

“Loser.” Harry laughs, pulling me into his side. A quick kiss is pressed to my temple and we turn back to the television as if nothing had happened.

* * *

The morning after, us having sex has already turned into a private joke. The two of us teasing one another relentlessly as we nurse our hangovers with a fry up.

“Never going to be able to look at you the same way, not after seeing your face when I made you—”

“Made me? I don’t think you could make me do anything.” I interrupt, bumping Harry’s hip with my own as I plate up our late breakfast.

“That so?” he replies, a smirk strongly evident in his voice.

I am about to reply when his hands slip around my waist from behind, gently raising until they cup the underneath of my breasts.

“Do you want to eat or not?” I laugh, motioning to the pan of eggs in one of my hands and the spatula in the other.

“Fine.” He grins, giving my boobs a quick, soft squeeze before moving away.

We sit down on the barstool by the island and I instantly dig in, desperate to eat away the throbbing in my head.

“Bri’s sad because she didn’t make a move on Deb.” Harry tells me as he types a response quickly on his phone.

“Telling her about last night to cheer her up?” I joke. Harry pauses, locking his phone and placing it down on the cool granite surface.

“God, can you imagine how much shit they’d give us if they found out?”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” I offer a hand for him to shake.

“Deal.” He says quickly, stretching out his own hand to meet mine.

* * *

It isn’t until a few weeks later that I get to see Harry again. Work consumes us both as always. Harry finalises a promotion timeline for his new album while I travel across Sicily, working with temperamental models in the baking summer sun. I spend the first day back at home, lazing on the sofa and doing laundry. Almost immediately upon exiting the plane, I miss the heat. Late summer in London provides to be drizzle-filled and grey for the majority of the time. The only time sunshine rears its head is the day of Harry’s party. Typical, really. That man even has mother nature on his side.

After a sluggish and jetlagged day spent doing laundry and replying to emails, I drink as much caffeine as possible before heading over to Harry’s place. He had wanted tonight to be as intimate as possible. Only family, friends and a few members of the production team received the invitation to his house to hear his new album before the public get their hands on it. The select few of us, after checking our names with the security team at the gatehouse, make our way through the enclosed community, walking right in through his unlocked front door.

Once inside, I cannot help the smirk that tugs at my lips as I imagine Harry organising this party. The house is covered in pink and blue like a fancy gender reveal and all I can picture is a roll of tape between Harry’s teeth as he insisted on hanging streamers himself.

Quickly, I am distracted by the décor when a table filled with flutes of champagne catches my eye. With one in my hand, I turn a corner and see him immediately. He stands in the centre of the lounge while those around him sit dotted around the space, watching as he speaks animatedly. His hands move about wildly as he talks, eliciting laughter from the room as he continues to tell a story I already recognise. Just as he reaches the climax of the tale, his gaze floats towards me. Joy seems to settle around us as everyone cracks up at the punchline of the anecdote, the two of us simply sharing soft smiles by way of a greeting. I raise my glass slightly and he understands, continuing to entertain the room effortlessly as I join the masses, simply observing and enjoying him.

“Alright?” I hear a familiar voice utter groggily. I turn to see Bri clutching an espresso martini tightly, majority already drunk. “Knackered, mate.” She confirms as she presses herself against me in lieu of a hug.

“Know the feeling,” I sympathise, feeling the formidable aches of travelling.

Bri and I swap stories about where we have recently flown in from as we settle amongst the group, finding a small loveseat brought in to accommodate the increased number of occupants.

Collectively, the room falls silent. Harry, charmingly humble as always, utters a few words of thanks to us all for our support during the writing, recording, and production processes, before we relax into the evening as the first track begins to play. Thankfully, Harry has already witnessed my initial reactions to each and every song, including a few which did not make the cut, so I need not worry about emotional outbursts in front of some of his nearest and dearest. Each track reminds me of the nights he would sneak me demos or voice memos of certain lyrics and riffs he was particularly proud of at that moment. Hearing the album again now brings back a serious swell of pride that fills my heart right to its capacity, emotion beginning to fill my eyes as we listen to the stories of his heart. Each sorrowful ballad and upbeat tune breaks and reforms my heart repeatedly and I am once again, completely enamoured with him and his talent.

* * *

“My girl,” Harry calls out happily, slinging an arm around my shoulders. “What did you think of the album?”

“I’ve already heard it.” I laugh, absentmindedly leaning into his warmth, grateful for it in the slight chill of his back garden.

“You weren’t supposed to though.” He whispers, lowering his head as he colludes with me, “This was meant to be the first time anyone outside of production heard it so… shh.”

Impossible to hold back my grin at his ridiculously over the top nature, I just give him a toothy nod before placing my left index finger against my lips.

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” I say softly.

“Where have I heard that before?” he grins, tapping a finger against his chin as he pretends to search his memory. His gaze trickles over my body, eyebrows pulling together when he notices the giant purple bruise spread across my upper left arm. “How did you do that?”

Gently, he takes my arm in his hand, lifting it softly to take a better look at the yellowish edges.

“Was time to get my implant removed, back to condoms for a few weeks.” I tell him casually, not realising the suggestive nature of my words until he replies.

“Going to miss the way you feel for a few weeks then.” His tone is so casual that it stuns me for a moment, completely unable to think of a witty retort.

I had assumed that our drunken fling was just that. Never had the thought crossed my mind that he might want to do it again. Okay, that’s a lie. I have thought of little else at night than the thought of Harry on top of me again, his hand replacing my own as I bring myself to climax.

However, watching the way he observes my reaction sparks a disgusting greed within me.

“Hang out when everyone leaves?” he asks, seeing the fire behind my eyes and matching it with his own.

It is all I can do to nod and not pull him aside and let my body mould to his.

The evening passes quicker than I had expected, perhaps my slight exhaustion seems to warp my internal clock, making hours feel like minutes. Regardless, before I know it, Harry and I find ourselves on his bed, lips and limbs entangled.

“I’m really proud of you.” I manage to mumble against his lips in a brief interlude in which they are parted from my own.

“That means a lot.” Harry utters back, equally hindered by my lips against his. Neither of us mind though. If anything, these small and restrained interactions seem to encourage us, raising the heat in the room as hands grasp and grip the other. Our bodies flush together, desperately meeting in any way possible as if trying to verbalise what we do not dare talk about.

We move much slower than the last time, savouring each and every touch as we take turns removing the other’s clothes. Contrary from our previous experience, there is nothing greedy about our movements. Instead, a different type of need drives our bodies to intertwine.

I manage to pull myself away from him for long enough to mutter, “Condom?”

Harry stills above me, eyes averted as he thinks deeply before speaking, “Think there’s some in the bathroom, sorry, I’ll be right back.” With a swift kiss to my forehead, he dashes from the room into his en suite.

“Cute bum.” I call after him, enjoying the way his hips wiggle with his quick pace.

“Cheers!” he hollers back, shortly followed by the sound of skin on skin.

The idea of him slapping his own backside leaves a smile on my face which lasts until he returns with a single condom, declaring it to be the last one and making some teasing comment about how lucky I am. His words fall on deaf ears, however, as I feel the energy in the room shift. My eyes glue to his body as he sits beside me, taking both of my hands in his and pulling me to sit up straight. The muscles of his body grow taut under his skin as he moves me to sit between his open legs. My feet lock around his back, his hands mirroring the same position around my waist as our lips meet yet again.

Into each other we sink deeper, chest meeting chest, rising and falling together. A gentle hand lifts to tuck away a lock of my hair before settling against my cheek, softly grazing his fingertips across the tender flesh of my neck. His lips are like runny honey against my body as they trail across my jaw and trickle down the column of my throat, catching my breath between them. The tip of a thumb under my chin keeps my head high as his lips work lower and lower. My own lips are parted as I melt beneath him.

“Harry,” I gasp, unintentionally making him stop dead in his tracks. Panic instantly flooding through my veins, I cast my gaze downwards to check on him. He looks up at me with soft but needy eyes. “What is it?” I ask cautiously, my hand subconsciously clearing the rogue tendrils of hair away from his forehead.

“I like the way you say my name.” he utters lowly, so quiet it almost seems as though he is afraid of my reaction.

Unsure of what words could quell whatever doubts he is battling with; I replace them with a soft kiss to his lips. One side of his face cupped in my hand, I feel him lean into me, eyelids fluttering shut just long enough to savour the feeling but not so long as to make it obvious that it was his aim.

“Harry,” I whisper, just loud enough to catch his attention and bring his eyes back to mine, “I want you to…”

I falter, unsure of the right word to use here. None seem to fit just right, either feeling too blunt and devoid of emotion or too far the other way.

Regardless of semantics, Harry understands and slips his hips away slightly. I watch as his steady hands tear the wrapper open and roll the condom down his shaft. Without another moment’s hesitation, his hands are back on my body, grasping at the flesh at my sides as he pulls me into his lap. With every move he makes, his lips provide accompaniment. Kisses spread across my face and neck, down to my collarbone and breasts, celebrating each and every part they come into contact with.

Desperate to feel every part of him, I raise my hips. Upon realising my intentions, Harry meets my gaze, watching me with awe-filled eyes as I slip our bodies together. I feel him gasp against the bare skin of my chest. For a moment, our actions are slow, adjusting to the overwhelming feeling of one another. Our hips rock gently into each other, soft moans and sharp inhalations fill the otherwise quiet bedroom, bouncing off the walls I have begged him countless times to add more colour to. His hands grip the flesh of my hips, reaching down sporadically to grope at my cheeks. With each squeeze and scratch, I move faster against him, head thrown back in pleasure as we repeatedly hit every delicious spot.

His hands caress every part of me, truly making love to my body as heated gasps slip past my lips. Our bodies work as a chemical reaction of lust and care, eyes locked as we move quicker and more urgently. Everything we need to say we say with a kiss of the neck, a scratch of bare skin, and a bliss-filled moan.

Two hands slip behind me, swiftly but securely lowering me into the pillows of the bed before returning to my hips and waist. His hands grip me tighter as this new position allows him to sink deeper into me, his body slowing temporarily against mine to savour the feeling of being fully complete. His eyes never leave mine, pupils contracting and dilating, telling me everything I need to know.

My gaze flicks down to the point where our bodies meet, watching in lust-filled awe as we connect. I feel Harry do the same as his forehead rests against mine, hands slipping to grasp at my thighs, squeezing and moulding the flesh in his hands. A groan leaves my lips at the sensation of his adoration. At the sound, his hips snap harshly against my own, eliciting louder, wilder moans. Encouraged beyond belief, Harry chases my pleasure, speeding up the movement of his body against my own. His head drops down to my neck, suckling and licking at the skin growing tender under his control.

Lifting his upper body from mine, he pushes gently against one of my legs until it is perpendicular to my body. Instantly, I melt beneath him, this new angle driving me into a state of madness as he hits harder and deeper, watching with animalistic pride as I clutch around desperately for something to cling to. My fingertips tangle in the bedsheets, eager to anchor myself as a hand slips between my legs. His fingers spin soft circles, their contrast to the speed and force of his hips sending me over the edge, body shuddering violently as he eases me back down. Harry utters soft words, gentle coos that bring me back to him and allow my eyes to unscrunch themselves. When I see him, laying atop me, face just inches from mine, the fire is burning brighter than I have ever seen it, something about watching the pleasure he brings me arousing every sense.

“Fuck me,” I beg, my voice cracking from my raw throat but I don’t care. I need him.

He gives me everything in him, using my body to feel good, knowing as well as I do that nothing could compare to the two of us. Even when his face contorts, jaw slack and breathing halted, I feel the care he has for me. His fingertips caress the softness of my skin, gently roaming the expanse of my body as I tether him to the Earth. Collapsing into me, he buries himself in the crook of my neck. My hands come up to encircle him, grazing up and down his back soothingly as he catches his breath.

“You’re unreal.” Harry eventually mumbles against my skin, producing a breathy giggle from deep within my chest. He pulls away, rolling off me and quickly discarding the condom before laying beside me. Propping his head up with his hand, his body follows the contours of my side in order for us to constantly be touching. “I mean it.”

I turn to him, tucking one knee between his and trying not to groan at the ache in my body.

“I dig you too.” I say with a gentle, slightly exhausted smile.

“Never said that,” he teases, earning a half-hearted frown which just makes him grin even harder. Slowly, his face falls serious, his brows pulling together as he contemplates the thought swimming around in his mind.

“Tell me.” I whisper, a hand coming up to rest on the side of his face, thumb automatically caressing the stubble across his cheek.

“Sometimes I think we’ll end up together.” He tells me quietly. My actions still, eyes flitting to his eyes to search for the tell-tale sign that he is just being mischievous. But there is only a hint of worry in those bright eyes.

“Yeah?” I ask, quickly licking my lips to distract myself from the break in my voice, convincing myself that it is simply because my throat is still sore from moments ago.

“Yeah.”

We lay for a while like this, no words spoken, or action taken. I don’t think either of us would know what to do if we wanted to anyway. Instead we lay. His hand comes up to rest on top of mine, keeping me with him until the rise and fall of our chests sync and my eyelids grow heavy.

“Tired?”

“Little, still a bit jetlagged.” I mumble, already half-asleep despite my intentions to stay awake and look at him all night long.

“Go to sleep.” He says softly before pressing a tender kiss to my hand. His lips work as an immediate sleep aid, relaxing every aching muscle and eradicating every stressful thought.

* * *

Three weeks pass by quickly, work overwhelms me yet again and I spend my days and nights at shoots, silently praying that each director I work with will be less of a diva than the last. Unfortunately, my prayers go unanswered. The increased workload begins to drain every last drop of lifeforce from me. My limbs ache with exhaustion, stomach never fully settled due to lack of sufficient sustenance.

“I’m knackered, think I might be getting the flu.” I explain sleepily to Harry over FaceTime, my body slumping back into the heap of pillows in my unmade bed. His camera flips around from the beautifully clear blue sky above him to a concerned, slightly bearded Harry. “Have you shaved since you left?” I ask with a smirk.

“This is my LA stache.” He grins, smudging and finger and thumb across the width of the hair above his top lip.

“I miss you.” I whisper, not meaning the words to leave my subconscious.

“I miss you too,” Harry smiles, his eyes softening as an excited shade of light pink flushes his cheeks. “Hang out when I’m back?”

I nod and agree to dinner next week before yawning and saying goodbye. Wrapping myself up in the cold duvet, the thought of seeing Harry soon stops me from slipping into sleep. My mind relives our last night together, each kiss and caress playing like a film. We should have talked about it before he left but, as per usual, our work-lives consumed us. What would he say about that night? Did he feel the difference in the way we moved? Is he just as freaked out by it?

The next day, all doubts and fears are drained from my body, a care package waiting on my doorstep as I arrive home. Carrying the box inside, my eyes glance around the box in search of some sign to indicate the sender’s identity. I knew he had been the one responsible for it, but the contents just confirmed it. Tins of soup, orange juice, cold and flu medicine, a box of cherry bakewells (my absolute favourite comfort food), and an unbelievably soft pair of fluffy socks.

Snapping a quick picture of the assortment, I send it to Harry with a string of appreciative words, tearing up due to his sweetness and my sickness.

It does not matter what either of us thinks of feels about that night together, because at the end of the day, it is always going to be him and I, whatever form our relationship takes.

* * *

“You look like shit.” Deb greets as she presses a kiss to my cheek before allowing me to sit across from her and Bri. I fight the urge to roll my eyes and glance down at the menu laid across my plate. The majority of the options made my stomach churn, the thought of pushing eggs down my throat enough to make me gag.

“Can’t shake this bug.” I grumble, sipping at my water as our waitress arrives.

“Three mimosas please.” Bri smiles sweetly at her.

“Oh, no, just two.” I correct, starting to break into a slight sweat. The waitress nods and excuses herself to fetch the girls their drinks, leaving them both to look at me with wide eyes and mouths agape. “My stomach has been in bits for weeks, no way I’m drinking and making myself puke again.”

“Never thought this day would come... I mean its brunch, what else are we going to do?” Bri gasps in a dramatically solemn tone.

“Yeah, can’t remember the last time you didn’t drink with us.” Deb frowns, clearly slightly upset at losing one of her drinking buddies. “Except that one time at uni.”

A smirk ghosts over my lips at the memory. Deb and I, still in our first year, sat in the pub with two pints on the table, both untouched as we watched the pregnancy test stashed in my bag slowly reveal just one line.

Slowly, the smile begins to fall from my face, Deb mirroring me as the penny slowly drops for the both of us.

“When was the last time you got your period?” she asks quietly.

“What?” Bri asks in utter confusion, excluded from our moment of telepathy.

“I can’t remember,” I admit in a whisper.

“Jesus Christ.” Deb sighs, the colour draining from her face as her hand comes up to rub at her forehead nervously.

“I had my implant taken out, the doctor said my hormones would be unpredictable so I haven’t really thought about it.” I rush, desperately trying to defend myself for not noticing the absence.

“Oh,” Deb says, instantly perking back up as if nothing had even happened. “To be fair, when was the last time you had sex anyway?”

She speaks as if the question were simple a throwaway comment, a small joke to lighten the mood. Of course, she would think that, the last time I spoke to the girls about my sex life, it was to complain about its lack of existence. I haven’t quite found the right way to tell them that Harry and I are doing whatever it is we are doing.

“About a month ago.” I admit quietly, unlocking my phone to flick through my calendar, mainly to avoid the harsh gaze of two of my best friends.

“What? Who with?” Bri asks giddily, however her excitement is drastically overshadowed by Deb’s probing.

“You used protection though?”

“Of course we did, I’m not an idiot.” I say, feeling myself getting wound up as the blood seems to drain from my body.

There is no way I am. We were safe. There’s no way.

When I look up to meet their gaze, however, both girls look at me with such sympathetic gazes that it takes everything in me not to burst into tears.

“Want to get a test to be sure?” Bri asks gently, somehow instantly caught up and fully aware of the sheer internal panic I am feeling.

I nod and we immediately leave the table. Bri takes my hand and waits with me as Deb quickly pays for the drinks that did not even arrive.

“It’ll be okay,” Bri whispers to me, her thumb soft against the back of my hand.

“Yeah,” I nod, trying to shake of the severe sensation of dread smothering me. Swallowing hard, I manage to meet her eye. “Probably just a scare, right? We’ll laugh about it in an hour.”

She does not reply. No one speaks as we walk to the closest shop, thankfully Deb lives close by and is able to source a test and usher us home before I can overthink too much.

I won’t be. What are the odds? Condoms are 98% effective, I checked in the health aisle as Bri went to pay. 98% is far too high to be stressing out over a few potential symptoms.

The girls sit on the edge of Deb’s bathtub, watching me pee and trying to crack jokes to lighten the mood as I place the test on the side and wash my hands, looking anywhere but the stick.

“These situations make me so glad to be gay.” Deb utters to Bri with a ghost of a smirk.

“Totally.” Bri says with a small giggle.

“Not helping.” I groan, pacing back and forth in the small bathroom, my stomach squeezing tighter and tighter into a knot.

We sit in silence for the remaining few minutes. Until Bri finally breaks the tension in the room.

“Do you want one of us to look?”

“No.” I say quickly, undoubtedly wide-eyed.

With a long inhale and slow exhale, trying to draw out these last few seconds of naivety, I give a small nod before approaching the countertop.

Two lines.

“Maybe its faulty, do another one.” Deb reasons.

“You okay?” Bri asks me gently as our friend digs wildly through the box for the second test stick.

“It’s positive.” I whisper, eyes glazing over slightly as I stare down at the white plastic. “I’m pregnant.”

* * *

“Have you told the dad yet?” Deb asks, her voice crackling through the phoneline as I walk into the hospital’s multi-storey car park.

“No,” I sigh, ready to defend my decision to her for the fourth time since the three of us stood in her bathroom, two positive tests laying across the countertop. “I told you, I wanted to know my options before I tell him. Gather some research, you know?”

“How was it?” she asks as I unlock my car door and slump into the driver’s seat.

I give her a quick run through of my appointment, from taking yet another test, it coming back positive yet again, to discussing the three main paths from here. Abortion, adoption, or parenthood. Repeating all the information the doctor had given me makes me want to be sick, all of the statistics and medical jargon feeling foul in my mouth. This was not supposed to be my life. I was not meant to get knocked up by my friend who, oh yeah, just so happens to be internationally acclaimed musician Harry Styles. Blocking the image of telling him from my mind, I focus back in on Deb’s voice.

“You know I’ll be here through whatever you choose, don’t you? I know you’re scared, and I know this isn’t exactly ideal but you’ll make the right choice and me and Bri will do whatever you need. We’ll hold your hand if the dad won’t.” she tells me, unintentionally causing my eyes to fill with tears.

“Love you Deborah.” I mutter.

“Love you loser.” She grumbles back, eliciting a teary chuckle from my lips.

As the call ends, my head lolls back against the headrest, eyes closing momentarily as I allow myself a few seconds of calm to be grateful for my angelic friends. Both had offered to come with me today, or drive me at the very least, but I had insisted on doing this alone. I could not have dealt with any more eyes on me as I was told ways in which I could deal with my situation. An absentminded guilty hand stretches across my stomach at the thought of my ‘situation’.

Adoption just would not be an option. Unless I somehow managed to avoid Harry for nine months and give birth in secret. Even then I would probably just have to remove myself from his life forever, unable to take the pain of looking at his beautifully unaware face and being stricken with the loathing of giving up the only thing that would ever be just ours. No, that is not an option.

So, my choices become drastically limited. Both life-changing in their own ways. Automatically, my brain begins to form lists of pros and cons as I drive out of the city.

I do want children someday, and people always say that there is no perfect time.

No fucking kidding.

Things would be so much simpler if I was not pregnant. I could live my life and Harry could live his. Surely, he will not want the burden of a family at such a young age. I know all about his hopes and dreams. I know how much music means to him, how incredible he feels after each and every performance. How could I take that away from him?

The thought of not telling him circles around my mind as I sit in the familiar traffic of the route. I could make both of our lives so much simpler if I just made the decision for the both of us. But that is just it, I cannot take that from him. He has to know at the very least.

Anyway, who is to say that he will even want to be involved? Perhaps this has happened before. I have heard the stories of tour. What if he already has an illegitimate child out there and simply does not care? Maybe I have been something to pass the time and the reality of our situation will come crashing down around us and make him want nothing to do with me. Would I keep the baby then?

The possibility of Harry wanting nothing to do with his child leaves my mind almost as quickly as it enters it. This is Harry. He has wanted a family for as long as I have known him, he loves kids. Am I depriving him of a potential future with his partner and legitimate children? Would I be in the background of family photos, not even Harry’s ex, just some woman he got pregnant and has to watch him live happily for the sake of her child’s relationship with their father?

Anger bubbles up inside my ribcage as I pull into the garage attached to the house. With a frustrated sigh, I turn the engine off and step out of the car. How could I let myself be so stupid? No one in their right mind thinks that sleeping with their friend is going to be problem free. Clearly this is a sign, a punishment for being stupid enough to open myself up to the potential of a--

“HEY!” I hear him shout from his front door, quickly dashing out barefoot to come and greet me.

For a split-second when I look at him, I forget why I am here. When he wraps his arms around me and pulls me so tightly against him that I worry I might suffocate, all I feel is his warmth and excitement at seeing my best friend home at last. Until he lets me go, and my stomach sinks to my feet.

“Lets go inside.” My voice is hushed, barely above a whisper when he lets go of me. I pull a smile across my face until he nods and walks bouncily into the house, a half-step ahead of me.

“I’m glad you came over, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Harry says, failing terribly at hiding a grin as we move to his kitchen.

I sit myself on one of his bar stools, gesturing for him to put down the kettle in his hand and sit next to me.

“Me first.” I tell him, my face so solemn and opposite to his that were the circumstances different I may have found it comedic.

“It’s kind of a biggie though.” Harry’s smile is completely unaffected by my tone, so wrapped up in getting out what he wants to say that panic starts to bubble up into my throat at the thought of not being brave enough to just tell him what I need to. “You know that night before I left…”

He looks to me with the most hopeful and kind eyes, making me dig my fingernails into the palms of my hands as the realisation sets in that I am probably about to break his heart and have him hate me.

“I’m pregnant.” I force out, voice cracking halfway.

My heart does not thump in my chest like I had expected it to, nor does my stomach churn as I watch him try to process the weight of my words in the slightest. Inside, I feel a sick sense of calm, potentially relieved, potentially too numb to feel the world disintegrating around me.

“You’re… Sorry, say that again.” His eyes search mine desperately for some sign that this is just a cruel joke. Now the pain resurges, wrapping itself tightly around my lungs and squeezing hard.

“I’m pregnant,” I whisper guiltily.

I wait for Harry to speak again, but he doesn’t. He just stares into mid-air, chest heaving up and down as he attempts to make the slightest amount of sense out of this situation.

“About four weeks,” I explain softly, secretly trying to coax him back to me, selfishly desperate to see my friend’s kind eyes. “I saw a doctor today, talked about my options…whether to keep it.”

“Our options.” he whispers, I think mainly to himself before his eyes free themselves from their visual tether and meet my gaze. They are glassy and it takes all I have not to reach out and take his hand and promise him that it will all be okay, because I honestly do not know that it will and I can’t lie to him.

“Our options.” I repeat quietly, ignoring the slight leap of my heart at his sentiment and quickly reminding myself that he has not committed to anything. “I know it’s a lot to process, and you don’t have to say or do anything… but do you have any… strong preferences?”

“Yeah,” he says lowly, “but it’s your decision, isn’t it?”

My heart sinks and throat dries, all moisture heading towards my eyes. With a large, pained swallow, I sit up straight, avoiding his eye.

“Yeah, sorry, I just thought I should tell you.” My voice is quiet, afraid of its own weakness. I stand from the stool, running a hand through my hair out of nervousness.

“What are you doing?” Harry asks quickly, eyes panic-stricken as he stands up in front of me, catching one of my hands in his.

“Going, I didn’t mean to bother you.” I admit, trying my hardest but failing to hide my heart breaking.

“No, no you—I don’t want that.” He says, only now do I notice the texture in his voice, “We don’t leave each other.”

His eyes are every bit as tear-filled as my own, the sight enough to encourage the water in my eyes to slip gently down my face. Standing in Deb’s bathroom, she and Bri had wrapped me in a gentle hug as violent sobs wracked through my body. Now, however, as Harry and I pull each other into an embrace tight enough to keep up anchored to the world, we cry softly.

“We’ll figure it out.” He whispers, resting his chin on top of my head. “Promise.”

* * *

For hours Harry and I sit at his kitchen island, debating our next move. With frustrated sighs and tearful moments, conversation delves into the logistics of each and every possibility at our disposal.

As predicted, Harry is not keen on the prospect of adoption. The notion that his child might discover their father’s identity and potentially make it public, could destroy his image, his career, everything he has worked so hard for. I tell him I understand, that I had thought this would be his fear, and that our options were narrowed down to two.

There is quiet when the topic is first brought up, the eight-letter word stunning him silence.

“It’s your body.” He manages to whisper.

The groan that passes my lips is unavoidable, having heard those exact words from Deb, Bri, the doctor, and now Harry.

“I wish someone could just tell me the right thing to do.” I sigh, holding my head up on the counter, fingers pressing lightly into my eyes to try and relieve the stress headache that has been lingering for the past few days.

“I’m sorry.” Harry utters quietly beside me.

He sits with his hands in his lap, anxiously picking at his cuticles as he watches me with a frown.

“I didn’t mean for…” he doesn’t finish the sentiment, but I understand.

“Me neither,” I admit, softening my gaze and taking one of his hands in mine to stop him from ruining his nailbeds.

He gazes at my hand on his for a moment, afraid of moving and losing the contact. It twists into mine until our palms are touching, squeezing the width of all my fingers with one gentle contraction of his muscles.

Before I let myself get too caught up in the tender comfort of his skin against mine, I speak up, “Fuck it, pros and cons list.”

I stand up from the stool and find a notepad in one of his messier kitchen drawers.

“No judgment.” I tell him, handing him a pen before making a table with my own.

We pause for a moment, and I list something in the negative column.

Everything will change

Harry follows suit and leaves a few words beneath my handwriting.

IMPACT ON CAREERS?

I cannot help but nod my head before we continue to add to the paper, reasoning for and against our little situation.

The process takes longer than I had expected, Harry arguing with some of my cons and suggesting that they are easily fixable or are, in fact, pros.

“Okay, so cons,” I start once we both lay our pens down. “Everything will change, impact on careers, would we be good parents?, don’t want Y/N to have to deal with media, no privacy, custody, would have to co-parent, impact of pregnancy on day to day, this is all a bit mental.”

Harry nods, urging for me to continue to the counterarguments.

“Pros… We both want kids someday and a friendship relationship could create a good support system for the kid… Think the list is pretty clear then.” Looking at him, we both understand logically what we should do.

“Yeah.” Harry says quietly, eyes burrowing deeply into my own before picking up his pen one more time and adding into the left-hand column:

WE’D HAVE A BABY

His eyes seem to take forever to meet mine, flicking down to where my bottom lip is caught tightly between my teeth.

I pick up my own pen and leave my final note, sealing the decision for us.

Its our baby.

Silence fizzes around us, its intensity growing as our eyes meet and have a conversation that we cannot quite pass to our mouths. He looks to me nervously, chewing at his cheek, his eyes holding back the hope building inside him. I want to tell him that I am still scared, that everything about the future is so uncertain. I cannot do it. I cannot deprive him of the joy he is feeling, however shrouded in terror it is.

“So…” he eventually manages to push out, a slight smile creeping on to his lips.

My mouth mirrors him, the muscles in my cheeks aching slightly from the sensation after not being used for the past few days.

“Yeah.” I let out in a shaky breath, eyes watering yet again but this time I welcome it.

“Should we celebrate?” Harry asks quietly, his voice suddenly apprehensive.

“As long as it includes takeaway and a film.” I say, too exhausted to go anywhere or deal with the consequences that come along with being next to Harry in the outside world. Pushing the nagging dread at the thought of people finding out and commenting on us, I pull up Deliveroo on my phone and we settle on the sofa in his living room.

“What to Expect When You’re Expecting?” Harry teases as he flicks through Netflix.

“Too soon.” I reply, smirking down at my phone.

“Sorry,” he says, not at all sorry for getting a positive reaction from me as if our lives would just slip back to how they used to be.

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justherebecausemackenzieboyd · 3 years ago

Text

Sorry Kayak boy it’s scrapped!

Summery:Aaron gives Mackenzie a job unfortunately Ben has left something at where his job is ... oops

I wrote this because @madden-mackron and @sugdenlovesdingle broke my dashboard with their reblogs😂❤️ anyway enjoy

“Give it back”

Aaron demanded walking into the wool pack.knowing full well it was the Scotsman that had nicked the tenner from his wallet,when he was in the cafe.

“Well I could but um it’s kinda turned into a liquid”. Mackenzie said pointing at his half drank pint.

“You what?” Aaron fumed.

Mackenzie looked down at the table feeling slightly guilty about what he had done.Don’t get him wrong he would happily steal from anyone,just maybe doing it to Aaron felt different.

“Huh sorry okay” The Scotsman apologised. “It’s just I’m really skint”

The Dingle sighed nodding his head.

“Look if you needed some money all You needed to do was ask!” Aaron insisted taking a seat next to him.

“I know it’s just... well I’m me I guess?”

“What a theft,annoying,obnoxious and childish”

Mackenzie bit his lip.

“Don’t you mean Handsome,sexy and Beautiful!”

The Younger man rolled his eyes,getting slightly annoyed now.

“Do you like being alive?” He asked.

“Yeah..” The Scotsman answered Quietly.

“Then shut it”

“Aren’t we getting a bit off topic here” Mackenzie questioned Sipping the last bits of his pint.

Aaron stared at the glass just remembering why he was here in the first place.

“Yeah guess we are” He shrugs.

“Look I can tell you’re struggling for cash so if you want you can come and work at the scrapyard”

Mackenzie’s eyes Lite up a huge smile plastered over his face.

“Uh yes obviously I would love that!”

Aaron nodded and stood up from his seat.

“Right 8:00 am sharp tomorrow got it?”

“Got it!”

Aaron turned to leave but not before turning to tell Mackenzie one last thing.

“Don’t make me regret it!” He insisted

“Oh don’t worry you will!” The Scotsman happily ‘reassured’.

Great what had he just gotten himself into.

————

Mackenzie was early Aaron had gone in at 7:30 to open up, but was surprised to see the Scotsman in an orange high visibility jacket. Throwing metal into the scrap machine.

“Look I made shiny bits!” Mackenzie proclaimed happily. Looking very pleased with himself.

The Dingle was slightly amused by how much fun the Scott was actually having.Kind of odd if you asked him. Then again it was Mackenzie after all.

“You know I didn’t need you in till 8 remember”. Aaron reminded.

Mackenzie rolled his eyes.

“It’s Fine besides I had time to crush that random car that was in the way”

Aaron’s face had a confused look on it. Clearly something wasn’t very right about what he had just said.

“Car? What car?” He questioned.

“Uh the sliver one?” Mackenzie Answered,looking even more confused than Aaron.

Their was silence for a few seconds before Aaron had realised what Mackenzie had done.

Now Aaron wasn’t too keen on Ben especially after last night.When he drove up to the scrapyard which he shouldn’t have been doing. followed him and drunkly insisting that he didn’t show up for their ‘date’. Which ended in Aaron telling him to do one and come back for his car tomorrow. when he was sober enough, to drive it.

Unfortunately their was no longer any car to collect as Mackenzie had just crushed it! Aaron was struggling with what to do now, but I mean it’s not like the Scotsman knew!

“Aaron you okay?” Mackenzie questioned feeling slightly concerned.

So it He he thought what did he owe that bastard if anything he deserved it!

“Aaron?” The Scotsman tried again.

Aaron shrugged then smiled. “Yeah fine just keep working I’ll check back later” He said walking into the cabin,To get on with some invoices.

The Scotsman Just stood looking even more puzzled.Then realisation hit him.

That car belonged to ‘Kayak prick’!

—————

Later that afternoon their was a very loud angry hungover man at the scrapyard...

“What happened to my car!”

Ben had made it onto the seen,staring at the remains of his car.

“Oh that was yours?” Mackenzie asked smugly,appearing behind him.

Ben looked at him rage appearing into his eyes.

“You!” He shouted pointing at him directly. “This was your doing wasn’t it!”

“Yeah sorry you know how it is when sometimes you just wanna rip somethings clothes off” He said smugly. “Or in this case it’s pieces”

“Why you! Ugh I’m calling the police” the Kayak instructor raged,walking away.Pulling his phone out to make a call”

“Yeah try it!” Mackenzie challenged.

“And stay away from Aaron you creep!” He said flipping him off before getting back to work.

—————

“How did he take it?”

Aaron questioned as he and the Scotsman Walked into the mill,sitting down with a well earned beer.

“Oh you know like you would if your car got crushed... so like that”

“We should pay him off for it you know”

Aaron suggested.

“What so it’s coming out of my wages?”

The Scotsman questioned slightly worried.

“Pfft no!”Aaron laughed slightly. “it doesn’t matter just if the police come knocking we have papers to ‘prove’ he wanted it scrapping”

Mackenzie smiled raising an eyebrow.

“You faked some paperwork! Classic Dingle!” He teased. “Nice work Honey!”

“Not to bad work either Boyd” Aaron praised. “You’re hired”

“Great let’s talk wages how do you feel about £2,000 an hour!

Needless to say it didn’t look like Mackenzie, would be looking for another job anytime soon. At least we hope so.

#mackenzie boyd #aaron dingle #mackron #Ben Tucker #unfortunately...#Fanfics #emmerdale

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sunsetinmyvein · 4 years ago

Text

I Know That I’ll Lose - Chapter Eight - I’m So Fixated

The boys never bothered to tell her about how moody Matty had been while she was away, because as soon as she had returned, he was back to his normal self anyway. It literally took the space of the taxi ride from the airport back to the venue before he started feeling the relief of her presence washing over him. He was back on his game for the show that they had that night, and everyone was able to see it from those on stage to those in the crowd. That usual magnetism of his had returned. Due to the typical chaos of the show and then having to get everyone back into the bus and on the road to the next one, Y/N/N and Matty didn’t really get to properly hang out with one another until they were finally at the next venue. Whenever the others in their group were around, everyone just wanted to find out if everything had been okay when she got back home. So, Matty figured that he could wait. He still had plenty of time across their remaining two weeks of the tour, and maybe it was best to give her some space after a long-haul flight and dealing with a house break-in. However, he was happy to discover that once they had the chance, she was as eager to spend time with him as he was her. The next day saw the two of them hanging around the stage waiting for the other guys to arrive for soundcheck.

“Teach me the Tootime dance.” She said to Matty from her spot sitting on top of the barrier.

“What?” He asked with a frown, looking up from tuning his guitar.

“You know, that dance that you do in Tootime with Taitlyn and Kaylee near the end of the song.” She elaborated.

“What?” He asked again, this time laughter seeping into his incredulous tone. “Why would you want to learn that? That thing is only four steps.” He pointed out.

“And?”

He paused, thinking a moment before replying, “Why don’t I teach you the It’s Not Living stuff instead?” He offered.

“That’s just running on the spot.” She argued.

“No, it’s not. There’s more to it than that.” He said, trying to defend himself.

“I don’t wanna run on the spot while holding a guitar. That sounds like hard work.” She frowned, glancing at the guitar hanging from his shoulders.

“You’re the one who keeps complaining that working for Rome isn’t enough work.” He shot back. She just stuck her tongue out at him in response. “Fine, I’ll teach you the Tootime dance. C’mere.” He said, motioning for her to join him up on the stage.

“Hann,” Ross called out from where he was standing near the lighting booth at the back of the venue, catching the guitarists attention who had been busily trying to set up the light timings for the newest addition to their setlist. He gestured for him to come over to where he was standing before directing his attention down to the two of them dorking around on the stage. “What’s the bet: how long before Matt notices that he is the one that’s into her?” He asked. Adam hummed thoughtfully, trying to come up with an accurate guess at how much longer their friend would remain clueless. “I bet you a tenner that he’ll work it out before the end of this tour.” He added.

The guitarist laughed loudly. “Really?? I think it’ll be at least another month.” He countered.

“Wanna put your money where your mouth is?” He offered again, holding his hand out for Adam to agree to the terms.

The two of them felt a hand clap down on each of their shoulders before they could seal the deal, looking over to see George standing behind them. “You’re both wrong.” He said, shaking his head. “He’s not gonna work it out until someone tells him.” He continued.

“You really have that little faith in him?” Ross asked with an eyebrow raised.

“I bet you both a fifty.” George challenged, holding his hand out. The two of them shared a look, before nodding and shaking George’s hand. It seemed pretty unlikely that someone as smart as Matty would be dense enough not to see it. “You guys saw him last week when she was gone; you both know how one track minded he can get. He’s way too caught up in his own shit to notice.” The drummer explained with a self-satisfied grin that he’s just made an easy hundred.

Matty’s three bandmates decided to give him his space throughout the day after seeing how much he was relishing in finally having her company back. And it proved to be a beneficial decision, as his good mood was contagious to anyone in close proximity to him. When everyone on The 1975 crew was in a good mood, the entire process of the show was seamless. Setup and pack-down occurred in record time without Matty moping around the stage, and they were on the way to the next stop on the tour well before schedule. After winding down from their show, George was promptly reminded by a group text from Jamie that their latest single from Notes was dropping that night at midnight. Which he realised was only about fifteen minutes away. He rallied his friends around the small dining room on the bus to wait for the time to tick by. The anxiety in the air was palpable as the moment got closer and closer. Matty drummed his fingers on the table, staring out of the window at the passing road. First impressions were important to him with things like this - something that he had put so much effort and care into. As much as this was technically their third release off of Notes, it was still the first impression of this particular song that he was about to hear. This track also felt quite personal. To be fair, all of his tracks were - his lyrics were always directly referencing his life and desires. But this one dealt with a lot of his insecurities about, well, being insecure. Being sincere in life was hard, but doing it in song was much easier for him. Dealing with people hearing it in song? That was terrifying. What were people going to think? Were they going to respond positively? Were-

The singer let out a deep sigh, trying to push the nerves to the back of his mind. “Are you guys ready for the reactions?” Matty asked as he tapped away at his phone. Y/N/N looked around the bus in mild confusion as she stepped into the kitchen, feeling like she was intruding on a band meeting or something.

“They’ll be good, I’m sure. We all agreed that it was a tune.” Ross said with a firm nod, Adam making a few noises of agreement from the other side of the table. The mood in the room was very tense, but trying to piece together what was happening from the limited information that they were offering was proving difficult.

George pretty quickly sensed her curiosity, “We’re releasing a new song tonight off of Notes.” He explained.

“Which one?” She asked.

“It’s the song that you heard me working on the other week.” Matty answered, turning his phone to show her the post he was about to publish. Ah. That made sense.

“Oh, I quite liked that one.” She nodded, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. “It’ll definitely be a positive response.”

As much as he felt like he didn’t need the validation - that he had enough faith in the band’s skill by this point in time - he couldn’t deny that hearing her reassurance put him a step closer to being calm nonetheless. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she leant against the wall next to him, glancing over his shoulder as he shared the song to The 1975’s social media accounts. The comments started rolling in as soon as the post was up – every time they refreshed the page there were another set to go through. The band ended up using each of their own phones to keep up with the torrent of reactions, making mention of the notable ones as they saw them. Overall, it was a positive response for the majority. There were the odd comments about how different the track was, that it was so unlike their other songs and jarring as a result, but that was to be expected. Matty didn’t want to be releasing things this far into his career that sounded like what he’d done in the past. If you weren’t making progress and experimenting with new things, you were just stagnating. What was the point in that? And if they didn’t like this, then they definitely weren’t going to like the album. They were delighted to see a few texts roll in from friends and family remarking on their thoughts of the track. Those were the opinions that they valued most. The five of them crowded around the table continued chatting about the reviews that were still rolling in as they felt the bus roll to a stop. It was the middle of the night; they hadn’t expected to be stopping at this hour. Upon a quick glance out the window, Adam could see petrol bowsers. The bus driver shouted over his shoulder something about refuelling that made the pieces click into place.

“Well, since we’re stopping, I’ll be back in a minute.” Matty said as he pulled a cigarette out of its packet and stood up. As much as he was normally fine with smoking on the bus, he liked to take the opportunity to do so outside when it was presented; even if just for the sake of those around him who didn’t smoke trapped in that space with him. Also, after how high strung he had been about dropping the new track, he really needed the relief. He was about halfway to the door when he heard someone speak up behind him.

“I might step out too.” Y/N/N added, pushing herself away from the wall.

“You don’t smoke.” He pointed out with a curious eyebrow raised.

“I’m allowed to get some fresh air.” She shot back as she breezed past him and outside of the bus.

“You could just open a window, you know.” He shrugged in response, but followed after her regardless; not wanting to decline good company.

The night air had quite a bit of bite to it as the two of them stepped outside. She wrapped her arms around herself to deal with the sudden drop in temperature as she watched him lean against the side of the bus next to her and light up his cigarette. Taking a deep drag, he looked around the petrol station. It was always strange seeing what should be a busy establishment at any normal hour deserted at a time like this. The feeling reminded him of stepping into an alternate reality. Things seemed to exist differently in the early hours of the morning. Before he had the chance to make an offhand comment about this, he noticed that her gaze was fixed on the smoke he had just exhaled above them. He hadn’t realised before that she seemed to watch him every time he was smoking. Thinking back on it, despite that she herself didn’t smoke, she never made a point to leave the room when he did like most people had in his experience. Previously he’d been too focused on the fact that she constantly declined his offers to smoke weed with him to really notice. But he was suddenly very aware of the way that she watched his hands as he held the cigarette. She could be standing out here on her phone, or taking in their surroundings, watching the stars, something. But instead, she absentmindedly held her gaze on him as he released the smoke from his lungs. Interesting. He didn’t have the time to think of an eloquent way to bring that up before the driver was making his way back into the bus and ushering them inside to set off on the road again. That information would have to be tucked away for future reference.

After an evening of being trapped in the bus with the two of them attached at the hip and swapping knowing looks all night, Adam was starting to lose his mind. It wasn’t unusual behaviour for them, but it only seemed to have gotten worse since she got back. Something had to happen either way in this situation. Whether they finally shacked up or she finally properly shut him down or god forbid Matty did turn around and fuck it all up, something had to be done. If he had to endure much more of this, he was going to go insane. He knew that ideally for the sake of his friends, he wanted things to end well, but the little voice in the back of his brain reminded him that Matty liked to go through… phases, with things. He would become obsessed with something and then drop it for the next greatest thing a few weeks later. To her credit, it had been a good few months now and he still seemed hell bent on her. But he didn’t really want to see Matty win this bet and then lose all interest once his goal was achieved. By his own confession, it was just a bet. Nothing more. And he seemed to be getting closer to that by the day. Adam had noticed the way that she watched him more than usual, how she seemed to turn him down less and less. It was inevitable at this point. George had mentioned that he’d had the odd chat with the both of them before, but Adam felt like he had to make things abundantly clear. He’d known Matty for long enough now to know that he had a bad habit of messing up good things. Despite that he was a very blunt person who was typically very clear with his intent, things often looked different through rose coloured glasses.

So, when they’d reached the next venue, he’d suggested that himself and Y/N/N go for a walk to grab a coffee and have a chat before their day begun. Thankfully, neither her nor Matty seemed to bring up any issues with this when he offered it. Which saved him having from having to awkwardly explain his motivations in front of who he wanted to talk about. As she stepped out of the bus door onto the pavement, Adam took a quick glance behind her.

“Where’s Matt?” He asked with a frown, having expected her shadow to at least attempt to follow her out here.

“He’s been holed up in the back lounge trying to sort out some song for the last while.” She answered as they started walking.

Adam nodded in understanding. “Sounds like him to fixate on that…” He thought for a moment, before taking the easy segue that was offered to him. “That boy is typically fleetingly obsessive with things. He’ll turn up one day with a video camera and projector, ‘Look, I’m making a film.’ Yeah, all right, mate.” He scoffed with a laugh. “Two weeks later, he’s lost the charger and he’s forgotten about what he wanted to record.” He added, the both of them laughing at how typical that was of the mile a minute mind that was Matthew Healy. “That’s what makes him great when he focuses though, he is endlessly passionate.” He explained, trying to loop back around to his original point.

“But that’s, uh… actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Adam added sheepishly.

“Oh?”

“Because currently what he’s stuck on, is you.” He admitted.

“Oh.”

“He’s very hung up on this bet thing, and I just wanted to make sure that you’re not thinking that it’s…” He waved his hands dismissively as he tried to find the right words, “something else.” He was struggling to find a way to make this sound nice. But at the end of the day, this conversation wasn’t nice. He was throwing his friend under the bus and potentially hurting another.

“No, I know.” She said with a nod. “I know that it’s just a weird thing he has going with himself. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t know what he wants.” Her greater sense of reasoning knew that what she had said was true, but saying it out loud made it hit differently. Hearing the words come from her own mouth after spending the last five weeks on tour with Matty stung a little bit more than she’d care to admit. The issue was, she was already in too deep. The damage was done and a naïve part of her still held out hope that maybe he was going to change his mind. That wasn’t going to change unless her feelings for him magically dissipated. But him not being clear on what he wanted was the entire reason that she hadn’t admitted anything – she had to remember that.

Adam sensed the sudden dampened atmosphere between them, trying his best to change the topic and lighten the mood now that he had said his piece. But she’d already dragged herself back to reality and been slapped in the face with the harsh reminder that she was probably going to get burned by the Matty sized hole she’d dug herself as soon as the tour ended. She couldn’t really change any of it now. The best she could do was just try and not let herself get too much more invested, and the stubborn part of her definitely didn’t want to let him win that dumb bet. So, it was business as usual. Keep lying about it and hope for the best. She opted to skip soundcheck that day, instead deciding to hang out on the bus and get some space to herself. The only issue was that it proved difficult to relax in such a small area when it was littered with everyone’s stuff. Her eventual boredom inspired her to want to clean up this mess, which wasn’t exactly an easy feat for how their gang left it sometimes. But it needed to be done and it kept her mind occupied.

However, her attempt at some alone time ended almost as soon as it felt like it had begun. George had been the first to get back to the bus after soundcheck, only an hour after having left. He threw a quick ‘hello’ and ‘thanks for tidying up’ over his shoulder as he made his way through to the back lounge. Experience had taught her that his best friend probably wouldn’t be far behind, and she was right – because her absence hadn’t gone unnoticed by Matty. Once he’d realised that she wasn’t around, and his band nor Rome had any idea where she was, he went looking for her at the soonest opportunity. The bus door opened again, and she was unsurprised to hear steady footsteps approaching her as she stood at their small kitchen sink, attempting to scrub the grime build up off of a plate that had been sitting on the counter for a few days now. She knew full well who it was before he said anything, but she didn’t anticipate his next moves. His hand came to rest on the small of her back as his head all but rested on her shoulder. Matty watched in amusement as her movements tensed and she abruptly stopped washing the dishes that she was in the middle of.

“I didn’t see you at soundcheck,” He said in a low voice, intentionally letting his breath fan across the side of her neck, “just thought I’d check in.” The gears in her mind simply stopped turning as her heartbeat hammered in her ears. It seemed like the gears might have just fallen straight out of place and were now tumbling steadily down to the pit of nerves that had formed in her stomach. The feeling of him being so close sent a shiver down her spine as her skin prickled under his breath. For how close his breath felt, his lips must’ve been within a few centimetres of the side of her neck. This was a targeted attack. She didn’t know how he knew, but it was abundantly clear that he knew exactly what he was doing. The self-satisfied smile was evident in his tone and gave away his intentions. This was a whole different game to what they had been playing thus far. Matty in the past had been all bark and no bite, which was easy enough to shrug off. It was one thing for him to look attractive, or to throw a flirty remark out there, but this? This would prove majorly difficult to not cave in to if he started hitting buttons as sensitive as this.

Her knuckles were turning white from how hard she was gripping the counter in front of her to force herself not to react to him. She let out a jagged sigh when he finally moved back a bit and she could regain control of her thoughts. “How do you even know about that?” She asked, trying her best to keep her voice steady.

“Know about what?” He asked innocently.

She turned around to face him and he couldn’t help but grin at the bright red painting her cheeks. “You fucking know what.” She glared.

“If you’d just admit that you were into it-”

“Being into it doesn’t mean I’m into you.” She interrupted.

“The two do correlate.” He reasoned, still far too happy with himself that he worked this out.

“Correlation does not equal causation.” She shot back, falling back onto her university teachings to try and get him to shut up.

He leaned in slightly, holding her gaze. “Even in your case?” He asked lowly. She didn’t reply, instead choosing to brush past him and head towards the back lounge. Matty let out a quiet laugh of satisfaction, figuring that he should get himself off of the bus before something was thrown at him.

“Matthew!” George’s voice shouted from the back of the bus, catching his attention before he shut the door behind him. “Give the girl a fuckin’ break, would ya?”

Y/N/N had stormed her way into the back lounge, and upon seeing how flustered she was George felt obligated to ask what was wrong. But he should’ve known that it would be Matty’s doing. It was naïve to think that he might let up on this stupid bet of his. George was pretty surprised that she hadn’t already left. She was clearly frustrated at how annoying he was being, though apparently not mad enough to actually leave. But he was also fairly sure he knew exactly why she hadn’t left yet. “You are into him, yeah?” The drummer eventually asked without looking away from the game that he was playing. She looked up at him from the other side of the couch, trying to form an answer but her brain still reeling slightly.

“No.” She lied instinctually. “Yes.” She corrected, before suddenly doubting that answer as well. “Maybe, kind of. How do you know?” She asked as she frowned across at him.

George just stared at her sarcastically. “You flew all the way out here just to hang out with him for a few weeks.” He pointed out.

“And the rest of you!” She said, trying to defend herself at least a bit. But she was pretty confident that he was right.

“I’m not daft,” He laughed loudly, “and neither’s he. Why won’t you tell him?” He asked, turning his attention back to the game.

“His ego is big enough as it is.” She answered. “And…” She was reminded of her conversation earlier with Adam, “if I tell him then I need to deal with the aftermath of that. He’s already said he doesn’t know what he wants, so why would I put myself out there with nothing in return?” She admitted quietly.

“Fair enough.” He nodded. There was a pause in the conversation before George decided to state the obvious, just in case it wasn’t already common knowledge: “He already knows that you are.”

“Then why is he pushing so hard to hear it?” She huffed in annoyance.

“He wants you to say it for the same reason you won’t tell him; ‘cause he’s an arrogant wanker.”

Last Chapter

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#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinmyvein

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [a picture of the lil card thingy on the bulletin board or wherever] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: you still doing that? Janis: Yeah Janis: 10 euro Mon-Fri for a 20 min walk Jimmy: You do longer or what? Janis: Yeah, that's on lunch break but after School hours I can put it on an hour group walk Janis: between 4-10, pick any hour you want Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: depends what shift I'm on Jimmy: don't have to sign in blood or owt, do I? Janis: won't give you a discount if you do Jimmy: gutted Janis: 'course Janis: if you need weekends and all, I can give you a tenner off but that's it Jimmy: might do Jimmy: sounds like you're cheaper than my sister Janis: weird flex Janis: you know dogs like routine, yeah? Jimmy: 🐕 'll be 💔 on your time Janis: when do you want me to start? Jimmy: tomorrow do you? Janis: Fine by me Janis: get me a key cut, [park name] work for you? Jimmy: 👍 Janis: oh, is there anything I need to know about it Janis: actual like it can't be let off the lead, or bullshit like all the 'allergies' it has Jimmy: up to you that, she won't come back if you do Janis: if you're planning on no-showing Janis: or you ain't got a dog Janis: 1. you won't be the first Janis: 2. i will smack the shit out of you Jimmy: 1. love a park, me Jimmy: 2. [a picture of Twix] Janis: 1. i'm not walking you, btw Janis: 2. put a paper with today's date in it so i know it's real Jimmy: 1. 💔 Jimmy: 2. [does and has doodled on the paper like a nerd] Janis: 1. and I don't babysit humans so leave your sister at home as well Janis: 2. 👍 Janis: give a fuck if you've nicked it, long as you've cut the microchip out Jimmy: 1. only 'cause she'd smack the shit outta you, mate, there's another weird flex for you Jimmy: 2. wouldn't nick nowt that looked like that, tah Janis: 1. not my business that you wanna fuck your sister Janis: 2. and i don't nick nothing so you can trust me with your house key 👌 Jimmy: 1. it ain't that grim up north, but alright Jimmy: 2. crack on, nowt worth having any road Janis: anyone with shit to take has cameras all over the gaff, you're alright Jimmy: only got the one in the 🧸's 👀 Jimmy: stay out my little brother's room and you're alright an' all Janis: not the nonce, new boy Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: euro, not sympathy Janis: take pound, if that's all you got but no credit either Jimmy: lived here long enough to do the change over Jimmy: nowt but the accent sticks Janis: either way, not gonna be on the BBC any time soon with the latest headlines Janis: 💔 Jimmy: hang on, I'll get my 🎻out Jimmy: earn the 💰 while I'm there Janis: give a fuck how you get it, long as you can afford me Jimmy: you ain't that expensive, girl Jimmy: we've done that bit Janis: competitively priced Jimmy: 🏆👏 Janis: definitely not getting paid in applause Janis: we're done here, yeah? Jimmy: What if I'm REALLY good at it? Janis: HIGHLY doubt it Jimmy: whatever you've heard is bollocks Jimmy: can go and on when I get going 👏 Janis: no need to tell me Janis: this is really dragging Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Janis: what's it called? Jimmy: Twix Janis: 😏 Janis: How sweet Jimmy: funny Janis: not the crappest name I've heard Jimmy: rather it were Jimmy: 🥇 is better than nowt Janis: I fake that I like theirs to their faces Janis: no reason I can't fake the opposite to yours Janis: all part of the service Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you can pay each day or weekly Jimmy: how does every other dickhead do it? Janis: depends on the dickhead Janis: the ones that never wanna see the help just drop bank in my account monthly Janis: most people do weekly though, then you only have to 👀 me once every Janis: unless you're a lonely 👵 or letchy 👴 then get the pleasure of seeing you every single day for a chat, obvs Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: busted 👴 Janis: Hooray Janis: be easy, give it me at school, right? Jimmy: Long as Mr Lucas ain't about Jimmy: don't need no ideas, him Janis: ugh 🙄 he's one computer sweep away from mysteriously fucking off one day and none of the others having anything to say about it Jimmy: makes nonce look well fit though Jimmy: better hit him up for tips before he goes Janis: you had Janis: busy boy Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Later Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: if I ain't got a 🔑 for you, that the whole thing off? Janis: just saves time, which is typically why people hire me Janis: but if you're in or can drop the dog to me, don't matter, I guess Jimmy: alright Janis: not have time or not trust us? Jimmy: take your pick Jimmy: well generous like that, me Janis: long as you're paying, give a fuck Janis: you've still got that, yeah? Jimmy: I heard, don't 👏 throw 💰 Janis: that's where the parallels between this and the club end Jimmy: earning it for you now, my dear Jimmy: keep calm and crack on Janis: 💘 Janis: try keep your burns 2nd degree n below Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: fine Janis: just aim the steam thing away from your face Janis: if you get sacked, so do I now Jimmy: disability'll pay Jimmy: be alright Janis: go for your life then, new boy Jimmy: tah Janis: anytime Jimmy: 4-10 Janis: oddly people don't want me taking their dogs in the middle of the night Janis: who'd've thought it Jimmy: bit rude that Jimmy: no trust nowadays 👴 Janis: they just wanna be the ones to murder me Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: whatever floats your ⛵ lads Janis: oh, cheers Jimmy: can't be the only 🐕🗨 about, you Janis: only one you could afford Janis: reason you found the ad Jimmy: I might be a secret millionaire Jimmy: wouldn't be the most bollocks rumour going about Janis: give me more money and I'll spread that one instead Jimmy: piss off Janis: worth a shot Jimmy: miss all them you don't take, girl Janis: they got that on a poster near the maths block, don't they Jimmy: probably Jimmy: got shot right into the bin though, didn't it? Janis: 🗑 Janis: only I'm that good a shot, 2nd attempt, I'll believe Jimmy: still 🎯 Janis: you like 👏 or what Jimmy: don't have to like something to be good at it Jimmy: told you I were Janis: that's about the ☕ init? Jimmy: told you to take your pick an' all so Jimmy: whatever floats your ⛵ lass Janis: not info we need to share for this to still be on Jimmy: be a bit weird if it were Janis: fake 👴 Jimmy: in my day if the 🗨 weren't over a fence it didn't count for nowt Janis: get some 🌳 to lurk in Jimmy: have a row about cutting 'em an' all Jimmy: win win Janis: hot Jimmy: I know Jimmy: 💔 the 🐕 ain't gonna get stuck up a tree but a 😭 story for another day, that Jimmy: I'll save it til you're on the clock Janis: ❌ animal abuse, even casual, cost way more than you got Jimmy: well sure of the contents of my pockets, you Jimmy: can have a full wallet AND be pleased to see you Janis: God Janis: maybe you are 👴 alright, don't need to go that hard to prove it Jimmy: but you're just THAT 🥇 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah yeah Janis: you're on the clock, I get it Janis: ain't a customer though Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 for you Janis: if that's how your chat goes, I'm alright for it Janis: and the shit coffee Jimmy: nowt an overpriced latte can't cure Jimmy: my chat included Janis: wrong twin Jimmy: nah Jimmy: she don't need the hard sell Jimmy: nowt I can do to be rid of her Janis: don't claim her Janis: or her slag behaviour Jimmy: me either Janis: pleased for you, honestly Jimmy: no need to 👏 Jimmy: leave it to the pros Janis: not 👏 for either of you Janis: have to pay you damages if you was part of her body count Janis: cba Jimmy: your apathy is 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: clearly Jimmy: warn us next time Jimmy: trying to keep this professional here Janis: you're doing SO good Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: leave that for the 🐕 Janis: SO weird, new kid Jimmy: been said Janis: bears repeating Jimmy: all 👂 Janis: not now Jimmy: part-timer Janis: I wish Jimmy: you're alright, got Asia in my DMs, bound to be what she's saying Janis: save me the summary Janis: I've heard all 2 thoughts she has already Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: soz if you reckoned you were special Janis: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: #relatable Janis: she must be telling you why she ain't in today Janis: hair or nails, that's the question Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: 💅 DUH Janis: how else do you show off how little you do with your hands Janis: silly me Jimmy: have a word with yourself, honestly Janis: I would Janis: but you're so chatty, can't get a word in Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: there you go Janis: so generous, I heard Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what time you coming today Janis: you not said Jimmy: [a time] Janis: alright Jimmy: can do a bit later if you need Jimmy: but no earlier Janis: can make that time Janis: loads of my usuals are either off to walk their dogs or their kids are so Jimmy: unlucky Janis: yeah Janis: least it's not the only way of making money I got Jimmy: the club, I heard Jimmy: and the theft Jimmy: bet you get written into loads of 👴 wills an' all Janis: those the rumours? Jimmy: just what you said Janis: no bother, if I needed shit spreading, I'd go to your punters well before you Jimmy: would be a good shout Janis: not stupid Jimmy: nor northern 💔🎻😭 Jimmy: can't win 'em all, Judith Janis: says you Jimmy: it were me who typed that yeah Janis: soz, so many 🐶🗨 Jimmy: loads of bitches here an' all Jimmy: funny that Janis: not special, I remember Jimmy: none of us are, mate Janis: deep, barista boy Jimmy: be about right Janis: print that one on the cups or is that an original thought? Jimmy: SUCH a deep cut Janis: nah Janis: we ain't having that much fun Jimmy: no need to tell me, had my 😭 about it Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: loads of them here an' all if you want one Janis: 👶? Jimmy: I get it, you're thinking what'll I do Jimmy: don't worry I'll live, keep a few spare out the back Janis: yes, I'm well concerned about you Jimmy: you heard, no need Janis: can't help being nice, boy Jimmy: it's your blessing and/or curse, Jasmine Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: who brings a baby to a coffee shop Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: serious one Janis: what kind of selfish dickhead Jimmy: the kind who'd call themselves a yummy mummy or whatever bollocks else Jimmy: massive group of 'em are having a sesh Janis: ew Janis: least there'll be less in the park Jimmy: tah @ the CG Jimmy: job done Janis: if only you could lock 'em in and turn the gas on Janis: 😍 Jimmy: could Janis: don't be a tease Jimmy: or what? Janis: Something bad must happen Janis: or they wouldn't say it Jimmy: ask Mr Lucas Jimmy: he knows Janis: what doesn't he Janis: galaxy brain to teach R.E. Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: when you go postal, make sure my sister is in there and I'll make it worth your while anyway Jimmy: hot Janis: 'course Jimmy: ain't the rumour Janis: ? Jimmy: 🥶🧊👑 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: weren't a denial Janis: What's to deny? Janis: the lads that spread that look like 🐁 Janis: not claiming them in a hurry tah Jimmy: you can just say every lad about, it's alright Jimmy: won't dob you in to your paddy ancestors or owt Janis: you said it, not me Jimmy: I did do Janis: you think you're well 😍 then, yeah? Jimmy: don't think about bollocks like that, too #deep Janis: 🤓 Janis: got it Jimmy: leave that one out of the rumour pile Jimmy: just ain't believable Jimmy: *😎 Janis: answered my question there Janis: smug Jimmy: 💔 Janis: 😘 Jimmy: 🥶🧊👑 Janis: 🐁 Jimmy: bollocks Janis: and? Janis: so's that for all you know Jimmy: never said it weren't Janis: you've said it twice, don't need to Jimmy: I've took the piss twice Jimmy: not taken it as gospel Janis: whatever Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: don't need the truth on 😎 or 🥵🔥👑 for this either Janis: just bring the 🐶 when you're done Jimmy: weren't offering it but alright Janis: then I can save you as 🐁🤓 and move on with my day Jimmy: don't need to save me as nowt, my dear Janis: easier than talking to a load of numbers Jimmy: what do we need to talk about? Janis: the 🐶 and the 💰 Jimmy: you'll get both Jimmy: 🗨 done Janis: you're the one who's shifts change, apparently Janis: so you'll need to tell me when Janis: it's no deeper than that Jimmy: @ my manager then, dickhead Janis: I'm being practical Janis: not a mindreader as well as a dogwalker, so you don't need to get aggro, dickhead Jimmy: you're being a dickhead 'cause I said you were 🥶🧊👑 Janis: No need is there Janis: just drop it Jimmy: 👏 Jimmy: peacemaker and 🐕🗨 Janis: Go be a twat somewhere else Jimmy: you wanna get 💰 or what? Jimmy: no tips if you've got a mard on Janis: don't see 🙂 anywhere in my job description Janis: work with animals not basic bitches Jimmy: ain't a massive difference Janis: less 🔊 Jimmy: depends on the 🐕 Jimmy: mine never shuts up Janis: I can wear 🎧 'cos don't need to hear their order Janis: un🍀 Jimmy: I can lip read Jimmy: and our menu ain't that grand Janis: obvs coming back for all your talents Jimmy: it were you who called the coffee shit Jimmy: what else could it be? Janis: dunno Janis: not as if I've ever had any Janis: hoping they were at least partially in it for their caffeine addiction Jimmy: for the #aesthetic Janis: 🙄 Janis: 'course Jimmy: if you need a selfie for your ad the lighting is 🔥🔥🔥 Janis: if ever I wanna put 'em in a phonebox Jimmy: kill off a couple of the 👴💕 Janis: only once I'm in the will, obvs Janis: counterintuitive otherwise Jimmy: duh babes Janis: can you not Jimmy: obvs Janis: then don't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘

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revivalzine · 7 years ago

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How Would You Like Your Music News Madam?

Happy Wednesday all.

So with NME’s cutting its physical publication a few weeks back, it got me thinking about a chat I had with James Kendall founder of Brighton music publication Source Magazine. Back then The NME had just become free, now you will only find the publication online. When we spoke the fate of music journalism was quite similar to today but with the dwelling uncertainty of what would happen to physical publication. It’s fair to say as we put the NME magazine to rest, the direction is quite obvious. Oh well, save the trees n all.

We spoke during the creation of Revival so, yes this conversation is about two years old. Never the less this chat is still very much relevant, I think we touch on some very interesting topics James really showered me with his music journalist knowledge. I thought I’d only be genuine of me to let you into the research process behind ma baby blog, give you an insight into my noggin.

Basically, this interview is a lil gem and I want to share it with you lovely people.

Just in case, you didn’t get my awful pun the overall contentious is a discussion as to what is the prevailing platform for music journalism: physical vs online publication.

I had the idea that idea that the fanzine, the DIY publication was set to have a revival, in physical format but then I realised that maybe not, maybe it isn’t?

“People have started to appreciate objects again, people who grew up with the Internet are appreciating having something and that’s why vinyl records have had a revival.”

Yes exactly, I compared vinyl to the possible physical publication revival.

“Yes you are bang on with the vinyl analogy, it’s the same as with the cold craft beer thing people like things that have had some effort put into them, and things that have got no physical being are difficult to prove that effort, things that are so throw away. But to have something that someone’s put enough love into it to bother to get it printed or made makes a huge, huge difference. Saying that it is much more expensive to print a magazine, or fanzine that it is to build a website, which costs you exactly no money. So yeah there are people that are doing magazines, but there is probably less printed material that there was 5-10 years ago, the things that are being made are the more sorta’ special things. There’s an element of ‘people wanna’ make something that isn’t being represented, there’s no point making a fanzine that is similar to Q magazine. If you’re interested in feminist punk or some obscure music, it seems like hip hop and dance music are more of an online thing, and guitar music is the thing that’s more likely to be featured in a fanzine.”

I originally based my project on fanzines similar to ‘Sniffin’ Glue’ during the punk era but punk has derived and changed so much that it’s not what it used to be it’s not as DIY.

“I think there was a necessity for fanzines in that era to be physically printed, where are no if you’re really punk then you’re not making something that cost money you’re doing something in the cheapest way possible. Now a true punk aesthetic would now be online. There’s a sort of middle-classiness of fanzines now.”

Do you think if blogs where around then punks would use them?

“ When Sniffin’ Glue came out there was nowhere to read about punk, I’m not quite sure about the chronology of NME and The Melody Maker but there was nowhere. When The Sex Pistols where on The Paul Grundy Show it was a big sensation, it was shocking that they were on TV. There were no music programs apart from Top Of The Pops, there was nowhere to find out this stuff; so people had to make something - to talk about what they wanted to talk about. Now you could make a video, you could put something on YouTube, you could do a podcast, you could put something on a blog.”

I think the platforms changed the prevailing platform isn’t; really physical anymore like it was. Many people say they want physical nice things but at the end of the day, the internet has given everyone a platform to talk about things I guess...How do you think the internet has effected physical publications and music journalism?

“Massively, massively. In a way that I never expected when it came out, I thought it would be a threat to magazines cause of the speed of reviews coming out makes something like NME a week out of date as soon as it’s hit the newsstand. But that’s not how it’s affected, it is effected that if you wanna’ know what a song sounds like you go on the internet and find the song; and listen to it, and find out whether you like it or not.”

I guess you can review if yourself in that sense.

“Yeah, when I was sorta’ eighteen/nineteen the only way you could hear music and find out whether something was good or not, was by reading reviews. You had to know which review was shaped to your taste, which publications, you had to read a lot to figure out whether it was worth spending a tenner on a record. Music was more expensive in those days as well. So yeah it would be a big risk buying a record, some shops would let you listen to it on headphones, but if it was a busy Saturday probably not. So you kind of had to hang out in the record shop a lot, or you had to read a lot of music reviews. Now you could just go online and listen to it, and if you like it you can save it to your Spotify, or you can download it for 79p off Apple, or just play it again on YouTube, so you don’t need people to tell you if something’s any good or not. What you do need, is something that is similar, that is kinda a filter as to what is good. There’s 15,000 songs that come out in the week, and you can’t listen to all of them, so you need someone to help you through that, and that might be through a weekly compiled Spotify playlist or through somebody’s opinion. But the whole, reviewing an album to tell somebody whether it’s any good is not necessary anymore. There’s still an argument to say that music journalism is important, cause what music journalists can do that lots of other people can’t do, is they can contextualise something in the history of music, they can say whether it’s interesting with what’s gone one now and the past joining these links.”

Do you think in the way anyone can be a bedroom DJ, anyone can be a producer, anyone can make music.. so anyone can create a blog, do you think that has a negative effect on the industry because there’s an abundance of opinion?

“It would be a bit negative for me to say that other people can’t write about music, only the chosen few, of which, I’ve been one of those, that would be an awful attitude to have. The more people that write about music, the more good journalists discover that they can do this, and the better journalism should be overall. So yeah, it is the same as music... I mean dance music; it’s a prime example of this, when you had to get things pressed onto vinyl it has to be good enough for the label to spend £1000 to get it pressed. So there was a quality barrier there, and then as soon as Beat Port came around all of a sudden there's thousands and thousands of tracks every week, and loads of them haven’t got anything really important about them and will disappear. The fact that people are able to on a cheap computer - people were making records on PlayStations for a while. So the fact that there are kids on housing estates are able to make beats, and then their mates can rap over the top, then they get it out on beat port or iTunes, or, whatever is amazing. And the fact there is a kid on the same housing estate that can write about that on their phone, and update it to Tumblr, is an absolutely brilliant thing. Any old people that say it was better in my day are wrong. There are challenges is in every situation, but the fact that more people can access to their writing, and get their writing out there is the best thing that could possibly happen to journalism.”

Do you think there is a battle between physical and digital format, in terms of are people more inclined to read something online then buy something physical?

“People are definitely more included to read something online because of the speed of them. For example the NME might write a news story of Beyoncé falling of stage, and have a picture on physical format - if you read that online you probably will have a video of it, so that’s a better article not just cause it’s out there quicker, but because it’s a richer experience. Although it’s more difficult to read a long article online on your computer, there’s a reason why books are still around just as much. There are no distractions from other notifications, it’s easier on your eyes and it’s a nicer experience. There are different positives for physical and digital. I think what has happened, is people have decided that they’re either going to do physical publications or are going to focus on online, we’ll be known for one thing. Pitchfork is a great example. They’ve got enough readers to put out a magazine, and people would buy it but they’re concentrated on the online format. The NME is also interesting, they’ve been all about their website for quite a long while.”

Now the magazines free right?

Yes now the magazine is free, and that completely changes things. Now they’ve got a 1/3 of a million readers or print run that’s going out there, it seems to me that their website is doing a different thing to their magazine, and they don’t have a lot of cross over. You can’t look at the magazine online on issue, they do a preview but you can’t see the whole thing, which is really interesting. From an advertisers perspective, they want their adverts to be seen, so if they’re appearing on the digital version of issue that’s fine, but NME have decided they want people to pick up the physical magazine, that’s important to them. They’ve got both physical and digital but it’s not that same content.

Do you think all digital publications are all transferring online? Or the magazine will become free a like NME as well an online platform?

“ I used to have my own magazine, so I know how much it costs to print a magazine, and it’s a lot of money. So my magazine we did like 10/12,000 copies, on the lowest quality paper, like 60-90 pages, and it would cost somewhere between 3,000- 6,000 on printing. So that’s 3-6,000 pounds of adverts you’ve go to sell before you even break even.”

That was my main problem I faced with my project, funding and with my own experience I felt a blog was an alternative that did the job just as good. I just have an inkling that all publications will be online.

“Yeah. I find it interesting that the Independent has stopped printing, so it’s the first newspaper to shut down in thirty years or something so that’s really telling. But what happens to a shrunken advertising market for print publications is that when people split up their advertising budget they don’t put so much into print anymore. That print advert money is smaller, and as it filters through, the big print publications don’t suffer as much, but the smaller ones suffer massively. And that’s what happened to us, local adverts disappeared because of social media, a way of getting your message out there that’s free. So we replaced it with bigger brands and companies, but that sort of died out even though our print run was the same as ever, our readership was the same as ever, but we were getting less of that money as it wasn’t filtering through the magazine industry. And that’s why we went out of business, the magazine industry as a whole wasn’t big enough for us to take a share that was enough for us to do a good quality magazine. There are other local magazines, but I would argue that they are surviving, as they aren’t spending enough money making a decent project.”

Do you think major scale print publications are okay then?

“I think it’s become more and more difficult, even for major publications. Something like vogue, which is like 700 pages of advert - advertising is a sign of quality for them; they’re okay. If you look at something like Uncut Magazine it’s a lot thinner than it used to be, at one point it was so thin people stopped buying it. So it’s a spiral you get in, you haven’t got enough money to print such a good magazine, because you haven’t got many readers, then you haven’t got many readers cause your magazine isn’t as good, it’s a spiral and goes down and down until you go out of business. It is probably a good argument to say that paid for magazines will totally become free; I’m surprised by what the quality of the current NME, I’m surprised it’s doing so well. Shortlist and Stylist continue to do really well, and Time Out it struggled and firsts but it’s better than it’s been for years and years. So four of the most successful British magazines are all free. Everybody’s looking at that, everybody’s struggling. There will be some premium magazines that survive but everything else will be free. Lots of publications will try to go free, some people will make it some people won’t. To be a successful free magazine, you will probably have to be a big company, it will be big companies that provide successful free magazines - it won’t be the independent.”

I read ‘How To Write About Music” and it says that physical publications are just a regurgitation of PR

“ Nick Davies uncovered the phone-hacking scandal; he says that the problem with journalism (he’s talking about newspaper journalism) is the journalists don’t have enough time on a story to dig deep enough to find the truth they can only report what they are told. What is happening is that you are getting somebodies carefully PR’d opinion. That is definitely true about music journalism as well. If you don’t have enough time to devote to finding out what the truth is you are either rewriting a press release or you’re rewriting somebody else’s story.”

Do you think blogs are more passionate, more excited therefor it’s more of an honest raw opinion?

“ It is more honest but it has probably come from less knowledge. If I was writing about Slaves I probably no more about to roots of their music than the actual band themselves. But if you’re 15 and you’ve never heard punk before, and Slaves is the first band you’ve heard like that, it’s going to be very exciting prose and a very honest review, but it’s not going to have much depth. It was the same with me, I really loved Suede, and then I realised they were a rip off of David Bowie.”

I’m kind of focusing on that for my blog, I’m looking at the nature of revival and how we are living in a culture obsesses with it’s own past.

“Looking at it through that lens, it’s a retro thing again, were as when Sniffin Glue came out that wasn’t a very retro thing, it was cutting edge and modern. So if you are a punk band or a punk journalist that’s putting out fanzines it’s really you’re like; if you were about in the punk era you’d be writing about Jazz basically, because you are looking back at something that’s nearly 30-40 years old. When I was young it was at the tail end of the acid house era, people were kinda into this punk idea, but at the time It was dance music which was very DIY, on the edges of legality and that was the punk thing of the time. Not a revival or something that happened ten years ago. I think you could make an interesting point of the revival of fanzines and what they mean.”

Interesting, any last words?

“ So I think that blogs are the new fanzines; in terms of people who are not getting info on the sort of music that they like, people are writing blogs about it. People who are making fanzines have lost the DIY origin, its more about crafting something and making an object, whereas making a blog is about getting a voice out there and information about a subject that isn’t being portrayed in mainstream media. That’s how I would sum it up.”

#journalism #music industry #internet #blogging #music news #sniffin glue #fanzine #nme magazine #magazine #pr #the independent #top of the pops #ukmusic #punk

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: ugh, been here that long? 😒 Jimmy: Flown by, has it? Janis: been delightful Janis: must get back more often Janis: what are you doing, tell me its something equally as shit Jimmy: 🐕🏃💩 Jimmy: and trying to ask you a question Janis: go on then Janis: just make sure it ain't stupid Jimmy: Do you know owt about this fair that's about 'cause Cass won't shut up saying she's gonna go in a bit Janis: oh yeah Janis: up on the big playing fields Janis: every fucker goes, probably why she wanna Jimmy: Alright so every dickhead like there'll be kids she knows from school there or every dickhead like she's gonna get murdered? Janis: awh Janis: like the cool kids are allowed to go down with a fiver on their own and the less cool kids have their parents hovering in the back Janis: she'll be good, won't kidnap her make her work the rides, like Jimmy: 👌 Janis: kid would probably like it and all though Janis: and I wouldn't advise letting him go alone, or with Cass to be promptly dumped when he ain't tall enough for the decent rides Jimmy: I'm not my dad Jimmy: @ him with that advice Janis: don't remind me Janis: 💔 Jimmy: Well you're uninvited now so 💔 is right Janis: don't be like that Janis: you know you want me to win you a 🧸 Jimmy: Don't be trying to butter me up 'cause you know Ian couldn't win owt Jimmy: proper fickle you Janis: called keeping you on your toes Janis: but if you can't keep up, like Jimmy: and this is called putting you in your place, dickhead Jimmy: 🥇 and 1st choice me, tah Janis: not that I don't love the self-worth Janis: but don't be tearing me down for it Janis: I'm 🥇 forever Jimmy: you'll need to get used to it if you're planning to be with him Janis: not the plan Jimmy: You coming with us then or what? Janis: sure Janis: anything to get out of here and it sounds vaguely wholesome so they'll get off my case Janis: when you going? Jimmy: Tell them you have to so it don't look like I'm on Cass' case Jimmy: then she gets to be 😎 an' all Jimmy: How soon can you get here without being in more trouble for it? Jimmy: Can't be a really late late one if Bob's coming Janis: yeah, that'll swing it Janis: vaguely irresponsible childcare is their shit Janis: gimme 10 to convince them and like, 20 to meet you there Janis: be quicker Jimmy: 👍 Janis: she got a group of mates she hangs with or what Jimmy: or what Janis: still a laugh Janis: get us in for free too Jimmy: I didn't realise Grace was a paid 🤡 Jimmy: all that makeup makes loads more sense now Janis: 😏 Janis: she just shares foundation with her white friends #aspirationalshades Janis: nah but I know how to avoid the entrance/fee so don't go in without me Jimmy: I wouldn't dream of it, babe Janis: 💕 Jimmy: You gonna wear a 🌹 for me, Juliet or am I gonna have to try and remember what you look like? Janis: no way to go about getting me to wear anything for you, boy Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: might get a few 👀 and 😳 if you turn up with nowt on, girl Janis: you got dad jokes now Janis: every day we get further away from 😎 boy Jimmy: 45 and single would be more depressing, don't you reckon? Janis: no one's 😂 at that, fair Jimmy: See, know what I'm doing, me Janis: master planner, yeah Jimmy: Not done a bad one yet, like Janis: depends on your definition, that Jimmy: Depends on yours Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: hot Jimmy: that your plan is it? Janis: hm? Jimmy: Challenge accepted Jimmy: I've got the stamina for all night 😍😍🤤🤤 easy Janis: don't need to fake it Janis: 💀👑 and co aren't gonna be there chowing down on a dirty burger to go pukeup on the waltzer Janis: probs Jimmy: now that's hot Jimmy: warn me next time if you're gonna throw around words that paint such vivid pictures Janis: you're the poet 'round here, got it 😏 Jimmy: not any more 💔🎻 Janis: awh come on, you like it when I'm on top really 🏆 Jimmy: You're just on a roll then, yeah? Jimmy: Couldn't stop with the poetry if you wanted to Jimmy: Alright fine, keep talking Jimmy: You've got me all 👂 Janis: if I was really rolling with it, I'd say that's not the part of you I most wanna affect Janis: but we're being wholesome this evening Jimmy: Oi, I signed nowt agreeing to that Janis: 🥇 brother, babe Jimmy: 😒😒😒 Janis: I know Janis: but that'll be Cass if you don't give her space and what the kid don't know won't hurt him so Janis: not all doom and gloom Jimmy: I know an' all Jimmy: she's told me every chance she gets how shit her hols have been Jimmy: but I don't remember signing owt that makes them my problem Janis: wouldn't be a kid if she didn't say that Janis: never live up to the hype of not being stuck in a shithole for 6 hours a day, like Jimmy: she needs to delete her socials even more than I do Jimmy: all them dickheads putting 💡 and #s in her head that I can't compete with and Ian ain't trying to Janis: it's the worst Janis: either in some all-inclusive in spain or having shopping sprees and sleepovers every day, yeah Janis: when in reality they're filling their pockets with bread rolls for lunch at the breakfast buffet or stealing hairbands from penneys Janis: can have a word, if you want Janis: girl's shit, really Jimmy: she'd deck you, mate Jimmy: Tah from me though Jimmy: do my best to protect you and that gorgeous face Janis: 😏 Janis: I have tact, you know Jimmy: I know, but you don't know her Jimmy: she's Janis: no worries Janis: not like I'm dying to Jimmy: that'll be mutual Jimmy: had to stop her sending 💀💀💀 threats to my ex Jimmy: only allowed to laugh about it when she's out the room Janis: it's nice Janis: that you're all close like that Jimmy: it's necessary when your dad's a bellend and your mum ain't about Jimmy: it'd be nice if she had some mates Janis: it'll happen Jimmy: not if she keeps holding her fucking breath on us going back Jimmy: she won't get it through her head that it ain't gonna happen Janis: pretty standard too ain't it Janis: when you don't wanna be somewhere Janis: sure someone can deal with being her 'temporary' mate and break through Jimmy: We could be gone tomorrow and it won't matter Jimmy: problem for another place Jimmy: and different kids Janis: you reckon Jimmy: ? Janis: well, ain't that the same idea Cass has got Jimmy: I said, she's keeping hold of the wrong one Janis: yeah but what's the difference Janis: she reckons you're going back, you reckon you're going on Janis: fact is, you're probably stuck for the forseeable Jimmy: Difference is, she'll get 💔 Janis: and you wont Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Don't know Janis: asking you Jimmy: I'm not the one expecting my old mates to put themselves on pause or my mum to be waiting with open arms to fix owt Janis: no Janis: it's fucked Janis: but what can you do Jimmy: move on Janis: right Jimmy: How much 💰💰 should I actually give her for this bollocks? Janis: tenner? Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what did your ex do then Jimmy: For a job? Clothes shop Janis: to warrant 💀 threats, idiot Jimmy: Does owt warrant death threats? Janis: loads Jimmy: There you go, she did loads then Janis: alright Jimmy: What you asking about her for? Janis: said it was 😂 Jimmy: What Cass reckons she can get away with always is Jimmy: usually does an' all, to make it funnier Janis: see, nice Janis: outside a shop, you want anything or should I keep 🏃 Jimmy: crack on Janis: 👍 Janis: you're excited to get your vom on, I get it Jimmy: Gotta keep 💀👑 #invested Janis: you know your 😎 went through the roof when you deleted Janis: just part of the master plan, not stupid, like Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you're meant to say you did it for me Janis: 💔 Jimmy: Baby Jimmy: everything I do is for you and you know it 💕 Janis: better be Janis: can report on how #ungoals you've become at any time Janis: be warned Jimmy: That meant to scare me? I ain't the one who easily does, my dear Janis: 😑 Janis: such a dickhead Jimmy: you Jimmy: I still like you though Janis: never done anything wrong, thank you Janis: 'cept liking you, maybe Janis: such a bad boy after-all Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: not tonight, you said Janis: that don't sound like me Janis: you sure? Jimmy: have a read back if you don't wanna take my word Janis: maybe you're not you Janis: sounding a lot like a 🤓 rn Jimmy: Piss off Janis: prove me wrong Jimmy: come here Janis: [does 'cos always saying shit when she's nearly there ofc] Jimmy: [soz siblings he's got something to prove so look away] Janis: [just like ewww lmao, at least she's gonna sneak you in the back so earning some points back] Jimmy: [Cass will be impressed by that deffo] Janis: [prove you ain't lame babe] Jimmy: [#notlikehisex] Janis: [just denying he has siblings 'cos not got the time lol] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [we all know the sort] Jimmy: [soz that you're too busy fucking half the north including your dad's mate, babe] Janis: [oosh, not a mood, unlike playing all these funfair games 'cos competitive] Jimmy: [I love it, he should win her a bear to go with the one he stole lol] Janis: [yasss, also Bobby needs to have a go on the hook a duck 'cos easy and be buzzin' about it] Jimmy: [my fave and yeah they should both help him do some of the other games cos team effort] Janis: [lil squad] Jimmy: [win him over so casually Janis, love that for you] Janis: [kids are easily won over if you aren't OTT/or just plain rude either way] Jimmy: [nevertheless Jimmy would be hardcore 😍 cos nobody else has bothered] Janis: [what a gay old time, what should happen, should anyone else be here ooh possibilities] Jimmy: [oooh fair point, we could always have Grace be if we don't wanna the drama of the others cos her and Mia had that domestic so] Janis: [why not although why are you here girl, just straight chilling lol] Jimmy: [feasible she could be with a lad and we know it wouldn't be goals so makes them more goals] Janis: [awkward, at least you can't fully doubledate it 'cos there are children here also but could put Bobby on them for a sec so they can go on a decent ride alone] Jimmy: [that was the thought I had cos Grace loves kids that's heartbreaking true facts] Janis: [poor babe] Jimmy: [and if Bobby don't hate her we can use her as a babysitter when we need at other points too haha] Janis: [shameless] Jimmy: [I dread to think the lad she is with ugh honey no] Janis: [ditch him for this child lowkey] Jimmy: [she would and that's the tea] Janis: [go on all those big kid rides lads] Jimmy: Do I need to pick up our kid and leg it? 👀 Janis: she'll be fine Janis: got enough around that you have to be semi-competent, like Jimmy: 🥇 recommendation that, babe Janis: you want her to give you references Janis: like I'd let her if she was gonna fuck it up Jimmy: and what if that twat she were with comes back? Janis: doubt he's a child snatcher, even if he is a twat Janis: can go back, if you're worried but seriously, it's fine Jimmy: Alright, shut up Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: I have to look out for him Jimmy: no fucker else is Janis: I'm not taking the piss Janis: honest Janis: I promise she knows what she's doing, yeah Jimmy: At least if 💀👑 appears we'll have a valid excuse to finally kill her Janis: yeah? Janis: wouldn't be caught dead saying she's got sweets in her car though Janis: 🐶s maybe but definitely have a dog walker and just take sweet 'grams of it Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: surrounded by bitches, her Janis: always, just don't let babysitter hear you Janis: bit rude Jimmy: You better shut me up then Jimmy: [pulling her into a kiss obvs] Janis: [just have your moment, I like to think they're on a ferris wheel which 100% they could all go on so you didn't need to do that alone but you did for the romance] Jimmy: [that's so cute though, I like to also think about how before they would've taken so many pics for the fans but now it's either none or just actually for them] Janis: [truly, we love the fake time but it is a cluster fuck for yous] Jimmy: [just have a nice time making out to make use of your alone time you two, I'd say bang but too many peeps would see you] Janis: [like when someone got a beej on the coachella one and the clip was everywhere lmao] Jimmy: [omg what really!? amazing] Janis: [yes and everyone thought it was james charles, giving, I think and he had to be like no lol] Jimmy: [iconic] Jimmy: [then get on them cray rides and try not to 🤢 your candy floss boyyy] Janis: [imagine, sexy] Jimmy: [he won't he only voms when other peeps do so as long as nobody else does when they get off lol] Janis: [just running so you don't see 'cos peeps always do, bless] Jimmy: [gotta be tough and impress the bae] Janis: [know they're having a lovely time] Jimmy: [I'm glad we chose this now, v them but also Cass and Bobby would be living for it so] Janis: [it's a good idea, and like a reasonable everyday life vibe like not everyone is living lavish or being wild as hell it's not a thing, don't wanna be those bitches] Jimmy: [and even Grace would be having a good time so that makes me happy cos I'm so mean to her haha] Janis: [poor grace, bobby should give her his prize 'cos janis has that massive bear] Jimmy: [when a 6 year old is nicer to you than any lad you've been with, god bless] Janis: [don't cry girl] Jimmy: [so glad you've made a real friend babe even though he's a bub] Janis: [meanwhile don't get carried away you two, can't leave him with her forever] Jimmy: [do get a bit carried away though cos you're still you] Janis: [obvs, should go on some funhouse vibe thing, you know where the floors move and mirror mazes, that kinda vibe] Janis: [get lost for a bit] Jimmy: [a mood] Janis: [just being shameless in those dark corners honey] Jimmy: [you gotta cos these kids are gonna have had too much sugar, they ain't going to bed early lol] Janis: [oh ian, if only you were about to dump that mess on] Jimmy: [omg what if he is about with a lady friend and we ruin it] Jimmy: [casually trying to have a glass of wine but think again] Janis: [hahaha why not, any chance to piss him off] Jimmy: [my thoughts exactly] Janis: [plenty of places they can do if he throws a strop later] Jimmy: [yeah true and that could be a mood in itself if we want, plus Cass would let y'all back in eventually cos you are in her good books rn] Janis: [gotta gang up on Ian always on principle] Jimmy: [the real squad goals] Janis: [truly, is there any other shennanigans we want at the fair that we should document in here] Jimmy: [he should be a 🦋 cos such a basic white girl thing lol] Janis: [yasss lmao] Jimmy: [what are you gonna pick girl?] Janis: [hmm 🐍] Jimmy: [gonna have to shower together later to take that off, what a shame] Janis: [oh no 😏] Jimmy: [not soz about your water bill Ian] Jimmy: [oh they should get food so they can sit for a bit] Janis: [yas, there's all the trash food at the fair] Jimmy: [we all know they could eat it walking but they wanna be cute] Janis: [make the most of that time kids] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: [when your mouth probably is that full so you can't talk lol] Janis: 👍 Janis: 😋🤤 Jimmy: were talking about the grub but go on 💕😏 Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: you're alright too, I guess Jimmy: 🥇🦋 me Janis: better put the grwm up asap Jimmy: [looks around dramatically as if Grace is gonna be summoned by the phrase GRWM like shhh] Janis: [lols] Janis: don't tempt fate Jimmy: you Janis: [mimes 🤐] Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I'm trying to talk to you Janis: a bad date, you know that Jimmy: cheap ain't bad to me, rich girl Jimmy: you're alright Janis: [a look] Jimmy: [always keeping that eye contact going] Janis: ['I-'] Jimmy: ['yeah, you'] Janis: [nudges him like oi but shakes her head] Jimmy: [nudges her back and nods] Janis: trying to talk to you, you know Jimmy: Go on then Janis: can't Jimmy: Why? Janis: [mimes 🤐 again but we know that ain't it sis] Jimmy: [mimes unzipping her lips and does the thing where you brush your thumb over the bottom one at the same time] Janis: [goes to kiss him like let's do that instead tah] Jimmy: [leans in like he's gonna let it happen but then whispers in her ear instead 'say something' but is then loving upon her 👂 cos love a throwback and a mood] Janis: [when that took you by surprise and you're failing to hide that so you just kinda blurt out 'I've had a really good time' then you're so 😒😳 at yourself] Jimmy: [actual kisses that she can feel him smiling during because same] Janis: [being appreciate af for all the reasons tbh but mainly that he didn't take the piss then] Jimmy: [It's a MOMENT for all the reasons] Janis: [between kisses 'I didn't just come to help you, you know that, yeah?'] Jimmy: [kissing her harder because you know but that don't mean you know what to say, tables have quickly turned lol] Janis: [can always rely on a makeout sesh when words fail] Jimmy: [live your best lives kids] Janis: we should probably go back yeah Jimmy: [when you shamelessly don't wanna so you're just keeping the love going like you didn't read that] Janis: ['Jimmy' hardly making him stop though 'cos you're not dying to go yourself] Jimmy: ['just gimme one more...' are you gonna say minute or second or kiss or what boy?] Janis: ['I'm not going anywhere'] Jimmy: [this boy is actually DYING like the noise he would make we can only imagine because that was so the right thing to say] Janis: [shhing him with your finger but you're 😍] Jimmy: ['let's go somewhere-' getting that finger in his mouth like he did when he was drunk but drunk in love instead honey 'for a bit'] Janis: [your turn to make some noises, just nodding like we gotta, 'they'll call if they need us, yeah'] Jimmy: [just lowkey dragging her away but still kissing so watch out crowds of peeps] Janis: [always causing a scene] Jimmy: [not even trying to this time, ILY you two] Janis: [just that highkey] Jimmy: [they should probably go back soon though fr] Janis: [sad but yes] Jimmy: [Grace will be gutted to lose her new bestie] Janis: [we should do a convo with them] Jimmy: [why not tbh] Janis: [by which I mean grace and janis, not grace and bobby, soz babe lol] Jimmy: [hahaha don't worry babe we'll make sure you stay in touch with that lil man] Janis: [going to need to find cass] Jimmy: [start sending those texts boy] Janis: [you know she gonna be cheeky and try and stay out longer tis her prerrogative] Jimmy: [mhm it'll be like in Euphoria when they have to search for her sister but less drama lol] Janis: [yes don't need to be that concerned, yet] Jimmy: [put Bobby on your shoulders so he can look for her like that scary grass movie] Janis: [that was a time] Jimmy: [I'VE JUST REALISED TWIX IS ALL ALONE AT HOME AND NOW I'M FORLORN] Janis: [my boo says noooooo lmao] Jimmy: [I hope she's destroyed Ian's stuff tbh] Janis: [start the hate train honey, they'll be back soon] Jimmy: [we can probably assume that its not far if he lives near school cos usually on the field like] Janis: [my thoughts, it won't be far] Jimmy: [I like to think that Bobby is chatting the whole way cos had the best time and is buzzing] Janis: [he deserves that, also Jimmy to not be getting an earful, thanks kids] Jimmy: You had a good time then? Janis: oi Jimmy: What? Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: ? Janis: I told you I did Jimmy: So what that's all you're gonna say about it? Janis: what would you like me to say Jimmy: Why don't you have owt to say to me today? Janis: I've said loads to you Jimmy: Alright Janis: what Janis: soz I'm not known for my conversation Jimmy: I said alright Janis: 'cos that means it is Jimmy: if it weren't, I'd say Janis: alright Jimmy: No need to be a dickhead Janis: can't win with you Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: do you wanna say something or what Jimmy: Are you waiting for me to say something? Janis: for god's sake Jimmy: Don't have a go at me Janis: Well this is just stupid Jimmy: Obviously Jimmy: forget I said owt Janis: whatever Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: [lets get them in the gaff cos that won't be awks hi Ian] Janis: [already in such a good mood, least he can't do shit if he's got a bird in, pretend he ain't raging like] Jimmy: [Cass just asking if he paid her to be here like she always does] Janis: [just there trying not to lol but not trying that hard like 😏] Jimmy: told you she were funny Janis: didn't doubt it Janis: boy's on one too with his sugar high Jimmy: never a bad plan me, told you that an' all Janis: you can't claim credit for this Jimmy: Why? Janis: let him have his moment all to himself, you diva Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: stage mum vibes, tbh Jimmy: If that's your way of bowing out of karaoke night down the local Jimmy: so subtle you Janis: just 'cos I ain't Beyonce, don't mean I couldn't own you Janis: and likewise Jimmy: come on then Jimmy: I fancy a drink even more now you've promised me a show with it Janis: seriously Janis: drink, fine Jimmy: 🙀? Janis: 1. I doubt the local even has a karaoke night Janis: 2. are you gonna as well Jimmy: 1. it does and it's happening right now Jimmy: 2. What you scared for? All paddys have the voice of a 😇 so I've heard Jimmy: 3. like a choir boy me Janis: 1. just kill me now, romeo Janis: 2. not scared, just not a MASSIVE show-off like you 🤷😉 Janis: 3. more like the priest, perv Jimmy: Stop stalling, girl Janis: ugh Janis: get your coat then, mate Jimmy: [grabs his jacket but throws it at her because he's tough obvs lol] Janis: ['hide in it when you embarrass me' and mimics as much] Jimmy: ['hide your blushes when you embarrass yourself more like'] Janis: ['given you no reason to doubt me, deny that'] Jimmy: ['You can piss off if you reckon I have'] Janis: ['did I say that?'] Jimmy: [pushes her along like come on but playfully not like #problematic] Janis: [pushes back but when they're out the door pulls him back into her 'you gonna still fancy me if its really bad?'] Jimmy: ['You were warned that you'd be dumped for not keeping shit goals' but pulls her even closer to him] Janis: [pouts, 'knew you were just waiting for an excuse'] Jimmy: ['an excuse to stay off the socials for a bit maybe' does the biting of the pouty lip kiss thing for what I think is the first time omg 'you still gonna cheer me on if you're the only dickhead watching?'] Janis: ['won't livestream it' 🤞 and into that, a lot 'I'll have to get over my heartbreak, real fast but yeah, you're a mate'] Jimmy: [🚬 even though its not remotely far to the pub, we know the drill she's getting one lit first even though he didn't ask if she wanted one] Janis: ['get me a couple shots of whiskey when we get there and my voice should be-' does the chef's kiss thing] Jimmy: [gives her a look like what'll take for you to believe in my best laid plans #cheeky cos he didn't plan that vocal advantage at all lol] Janis: [shakes head 'nah, you like winning too much...' pauses like she's working it out then gasps dramatically 'OH MY GOD- ARE YOU PETE'S SINGER?! If he's there, all bets are off, need at least 2 weeks to rehearse my number properly'] Jimmy: [lols before he can stop himself even though the jealousy of thinking she wants to fuck Pete is so real] Janis: ['you should know how long stage costumes take to make, mommy' pushes into his side but kisses his cheek whilst she's at it] Jimmy: [😏 to hide the jealousy 😒 mood 'oi, it's daddy or nowt, tah'] Janis: [lols 'yeah right'] Jimmy: [get in that pub and order that whiskey boy its really not far] Janis: [i need to think of a song damn] Jimmy: [he is blatantly doing romeo and juliet by dire straits cos MUST] Janis: [i so knew hmm] Janis: [have to do some prince, go off honey] Jimmy: [let's say he goes first so he don't have to follow her after she's slayed the game] Janis: [we all know it's gonna be adorable also excuse me i think they still have their face paint on Janis: lmao the pub peeps like oh god] Jimmy: [omg yes because fled from Ian so haven't showered yet] Janis: [oh boys i love that for you] Jimmy: [when he's gonna be so 😍😍😍 at her talent though bye] Janis: [when you wouldn't think you were anything special 'cos your role in the fam ain't that, same with art, like there's always someone that's better than you] Jimmy: [literally also Grace's mood even before she had Mia as a friend to put her down but she's GOOD and I'm mad at Cali for having so many talented beautiful kids tbh] Jimmy: Pete's fucked up if you ain't his lead singer, Jules Jimmy: 💔 we didn't livestream now to @ him and all his bandmates Janis: I ain't Janis: no accounting for taste but don't reckon his love of rock chicks goes as deep as face tats Janis: 💔 you look so pretty Jimmy: [lols and genuine smiles] Jimmy: Oi, I'm serious Janis: and I ain't? Janis: psh, think the auld fella in the corner was 😢 at your rendition Janis: probably thinking 'bout the ex, and the kids Jimmy: Seriously take the compliment then Jimmy: I don't mean it like my ex shattering the shower glass and reckoning she's Mariah when all she is is a menace to local 🐕s Jimmy: You're Jimmy: proper good Janis: [is 😳 but trying to play it off for both their sakes] Janis: if any pint glasses hit the deck, that weren't me Janis: back me up, yeah Jimmy: we're a team, I don't get to do nowt else Jimmy: [goes to get her celebratory drinks because swag bitch] Jimmy: I'll take your well subtle hint though brb Janis: is that your subtle hint you ain't happy being my backup singer? Janis: it's an important if overlooked job, babe Jimmy: not to you Jimmy: I'd have to go full poltergeist to get noticed at all Janis: but baby Janis: always shared the spotlight before Jimmy: I meant what I just said Janis: I know but Janis: idk what to say so Jimmy: shut up and let me get a word in then Jimmy: or just drink this Jimmy: [boy returns] Janis: bit rude Janis: [but takes drink happily and takes big swig like okay let's hear it] Jimmy: bit fuming that you've been sitting on a talent that massive Jimmy: [takes a swig of his drink too which I like to think is something he made up like when my brother put shots of apple sours in a pint of strongbow and got one for me so I started doing it too on nights out and blew my friends minds] Jimmy: [casually made it up on the spot just then for her and her victory cos he's that bitch] Janis: [yas, love that for you guys, just doing a 'not bad' face 'cos you can't place what it is fully but you like it] Janis: why? Janis: should we monetize it, like 💰💰💰 Jimmy: You ain't in owt for the cash, always hearing it from you, rich girl Janis: don't remember putting it like that tah but alright, you can still be 😠😠😠 Jimmy: Tah for giving me permission to out diva you, babe Jimmy: give it my best off the stage anyway Janis: [😏] Jimmy: hit more high notes then an' all Janis: [lols] Janis: shh Janis: make me 😳 Jimmy: Best laid plans Jimmy: you know that one's my fave Janis: you're mine Janis: [pop off sis, you must be tipsy, but quickly drink some more to be sure] Jimmy: [when you were taking a drink and nearly choke to death] Janis: [when you wanna die but are casually smacking him on his back so he don't like oh god] Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me you will Janis: don't Jimmy: don't is right, we're meant to go together Janis: then focus on breathing Janis: preferably when there's 🚱 Jimmy: No need, I come alive for you remember Jimmy: I only stop breathing when you ain't about Janis: still the poet Jimmy: still got a 🥇 muse Janis: 'course Janis: say I'm the Cher to your Sonny but no need to throw those allegations around Jimmy: Do throw me a warning if you're gonna go around being that stunning and good at loads more things though, yeah? Janis: should've got a ⚠ not a 🐍 noted Jimmy: [traces along the 🐍 with a fingertip lightly and oh so casually] Janis: [sighs blissfully and closes her eyes 'cos touch but also a mixed sigh of that and frustration 'cos-] Janis: am I ever gonna be able to tell what you mean and what you don't Jimmy: You could ask me Janis: every five seconds, that'd get old fast Jimmy: I've got a little brother and a puppy, it's nowt I couldn't handle Janis: Yeah, well want those to be the comparisons you go to Jimmy: Baby Janis: don't worry, it's a me problem Janis: not you Jimmy: I like you, that makes it my problem too Jimmy: if you don't know Janis: It's like Janis: I know you wanna fuck me Janis: and I know we have a laugh too Janis: there's just lots of stuff that doesn't strictly fit into either of those catergories Jimmy: Alright so gimme an example Janis: we're gonna sit here and sort it all out, are we? Janis: ain't there anything else you'd rather with your night of freedom Jimmy: Why not? Janis: [shakes head] Janis: we could fuck Janis: or have fun Janis: or a combination of the two Janis: easy Jimmy: If that's what you want Janis: well not if you don't Janis: not the point Jimmy: I never said I don't Janis: you didn't say what you do wanna do with tonight though Janis: think about it, imma go take a piss Janis: [run girl run] Jimmy: [downing that drink, fun times] Janis: [takes a bold amount of time for a piss and when she comes back she's taken the snake off] Jimmy: [he's at the bar ordering more drinks obvs but gotta NOTICE like the whole world stops honey, just staring at her not at all casually from across] Janis: [just looking back for the longest time] Janis: a good choice Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: pisshead Jimmy: You're one to try and talk Janis: psh Janis: can't take back singing your praises about mine, honey 🎤 Jimmy: Oh I weren't Jimmy: if owt it makes it more impressive that you can carry a tune Jimmy: still 🤐 Janis: love a backhanded compliment, you Janis: not gonna shout across this bar Jimmy: not gonna say nowt Jimmy: you can save your excuses Janis: what you being such a dick for Jimmy: [comes back with the drinks as if that means he isn't a moody hoe okay then] Janis: [just looking at him like go on then] Jimmy: I don't get you Janis: what don't you get? Jimmy: sometimes you're so with me it feels like taking a massive breath Jimmy: and that I could live off it for days Jimmy: but then Janis: [looks away] Janis: I can't always be here Janis: that's how it's been long as it's worth remembering Jimmy: Do you wanna be here? Jimmy: this now Jimmy: do you even want it? Janis: wanting shit is Janis: dangerous Jimmy: [gets up to go without finishing that drink even] Janis: ['hey'] Jimmy: [ignoring her in a not at all casual manner] Janis: ['stop' and getting up to follow] Jimmy: [outside and lighting a 🚬 but none for you Janis cos ultimate shade] Janis: ['are you gonna fucking talk to me or even look at me?'] Jimmy: [a stare down moment like] Janis: [holding it 'I didn't say I didn't want it, just that it's dangerous, I still do'] Jimmy: [just giving her such a look because he knows how dangerous it is to want anything too obvs] Janis: ['and it ain't just about wanting either, I told you, sometimes I can't, even if I'm physically here...and that's not 'cos I don't wanna be, it's just-' shrugs 'like I said, how it's been, from before you were here'] Jimmy: [passes her the 🚬] Janis: [just the longest drag of all time 'a me problem, I told you'] Jimmy: ['I've got my own, I ain't standing here crossing my fingers that you're some perfect lass or reckoning that I'm world class enough to cross all yours out'] Janis: ['I know, like I know you're meant to carry on and do things in spite of but that don't mean it's as easy as it sounds does it'] Jimmy: [shakes his head cos again #relatable and he does know. Takes the 🚬 back and takes his own big drag 'I just know that I want you, as much of a challenge, or not, as it is to keep on dating you'] Janis: ['You know I want you too, I said it first, not changed'] Jimmy: ['do it properly with me then'] Janis: ['are we dating then?'] Jimmy: ['Do you want to?'] Janis: [a look like why do I need to answer always, boy 'I don't know, what's it like?'] Jimmy: ['Dating me? Hang on, I'll give my ex a bell and you can hear it from her'] Janis: [🙄 'Well, she'll obviously put me off, wants you back'] Jimmy: [🙄 back] Janis: ['would it be like this?'] Jimmy: ['Are you gonna get more or less jealous when you're my real girlfriend?'] Janis: ['What do you mean?' Jimmy: ['Are you gonna send her death threats or a sorry for your loss card, like?'] Janis: ['Cass has got your covered, ain't she'] Jimmy: ['So?'] Janis: [squirming 'cos you are jealous but don't wanna say but don't wanna lie and 'come on'] Jimmy: [up in her grill as he likes to be 'you'] Janis: [ just staring at his lips so hardcore and biting her own 'it is her loss but I'm not gonna bother with the card, alright?'] Jimmy: [touching her bottom lip like he did earlier but pressing harder with his thumb than he did then 'just bother with me, no-one else'] Janis: [the noise she makes would be unholy 'cos the sheer tension 'that's already how it is, you're the only one I give a fuck about' ang gotta put that thumb in your mouth for the parallel] Jimmy: [a likewise unholy sound from him because of what she said and more noise because of what she did, trying to say fuck or something but its just a legit moan how he always does] Janis: ['you're so fucking hot' actually completing that sentence for once well done but the butterfly is gonna be ruined by how hard she goes in for this kiss 'I've never wanted anyone this bad, okay'] Jimmy: [shamelessly going hard up against the wall of this pub which anyone could walk out of at any time, love that for them] Janis: [safe to say after your performances lads, you do not give a fuck to begin with, never mind now Jimmy: [all he cares about is showing her that he's never wanted anyone this bad either, not soz passersby] Janis: [you've seen worse, you'll live everyone, they might die however] Jimmy: [they are gonna die cos you know he's gotta say her name and we know what that does] Janis: [rip, how do they go so hard but stay so soft too] Jimmy: [#goals 5ever] Jimmy: [like picture the scene, they are already going off dry humping against this wall cos god forbid you stop for a few mins so you can walk back but like of course he's gonna make it more extra by just slipping a hand so subtly under that waistband- stay inside for a bit please pub peeps- cos again god forbid you have some chill boy when you can stop kissing her at that exact moment to hear everything as you do. RIP to you both and ILY]] Janis: [arching her back and pushing into his hand 'cos 'fuck, Jimmy!' when you gotta turn your head to the side and bite your lip even harder 'cos trying to be quiet as standard] Jimmy: [How beautiful she'd look though bye, gotta bite her lip too and anywhere else you want so you don't get too extra with your words as well as your actions] Janis: [just putting your arms around his neck so you don't die] Jimmy: [we know he's dying too girl it's okay] Janis: [making eye contact to be like 'I missed you' don't know where either of you has been but okay] Jimmy: [we can assume he's had at least some time as a barista so it's fine lol 'I-me too'] Janis: [she probs means when she mentally goes away so I get it babe it's okay but probably kiss him so you shh] Jimmy: [all the kisses always tbh] Janis: [doing a lil lol at his face when you pull away 'cos they'd both be covered in paint now] Jimmy: [shameless excuse to touch her face and hair with his free hand though which is his soft boy fave so] Janis: [just having a time how are you ever gonna find the will to move lmao] Jimmy: [they so won't we might have to say some peeps come out of the pub, but imma let you finish or bit rude] Janis: [that would put an end to anything, drunk dickheads] Jimmy: [at least you don't have far to go home fr] Janis: [good luck getting straight in your room tho] Jimmy: [do finally have that shower tho, state of yous] Janis: [let's hope ian is dealing with the kids] Jimmy: [he'd have to unless that woman left then it's a free for all/Cass is sorting it] Janis: [want both him and them distracted ideally so make it happen world] Jimmy: [agreed]

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