#if anyone actually reads this and feels compelled to add anything from their experience then go right ahead n leave a reply or send me a dm!

[salty-soda-pop]

On the subject of Ena5 / "With Our Hands, Covered in Wounds"

i've been having a lot of feelings about ena5/mizu5 for the past few weeks, and i figured i'd try to get them out before the event starts.

many of us have said something like "im never gonna recover from mizu5" and meant it at least in some part as a joke, but theres also truth in there. path of thorns was monumental not just cuz of its story and execution, but also cuz of its reach beyond the usual project sekai/vocaloid communities, and what it meant for trans representation in general. ive read so many heartfelt posts over the past several weeks by trans ppl talking about how much mizuki means to them, all the ways they can relate to her story. she means a lot to me as well, in a somewhat different way

for context, im not cis, but i hesitate to label myself as "trans" because i ended up on the same "side" of the gender spectrum as i started off on. i know i still fall under that umbrella, but my experiences are pretty different from the majority of trans ppl. i have, however, been abandoned by friends in the past for an aspect of my identity that i couldnt control (in my case, being neurodivergent), so that part of mizuki's story really resonates with me

mizuki's been my favorite project sekai character for almost as long as i've been playing the game. at first, i liked her because of her bubbly personality, her role in niigo's dynamic, her skills in video editing and fashion, her voice, and her overall style. i mean come on, shes like the human embodiment of cuteness, how could she not be my fav. the kinda "they're just like me fr" eyeopener event for me was actually my footprints, your destiniation from over 3 years ago. like mizuki, i've also been living with this feeling of "hiding a secret" from my friends, terrified that if they knew the "real" me they'd abandon me too, or hate me, even when all logic and reason say otherwise (hell, half my current friends are ND too, they wouldnt hate me for it. but still). seeing her go thru all that terrible anxiety, and ena's determination to help and support her no matter what, it was just... i cant put it into words. my investment in mizuki as a character really grew after that event

and then, after nearly 3 years, mizu5. it was going to change everything either way, but the absolute timing of this event and its aftermath made it hit so much harder for me personally. there have been a handful of events in this game over the years where i got around to reading them and thought "damn, if this event came out X months earlier/later, it def wouldve torn me apart emotionally cuz of X thing happening aound that time," but mizu5 hit the target almost straight on

for some more context, im in college rn, and this year i live in a dorm thats very much not conducive to sleep. ive tried everything i can think of to deal with it on my own, but ive still been sleep deprived for the entire semester. around the time mizu5 came out, the constant tiredness was starting to get to me, affecting other aspects of my life like grades and relationships. i played thru the event like everyone else, excitedly yapped about it to a few friends when i got the chance, listened to bake no hana and netsu ijou on repeat for a few days, nothing too out of the ordinary. on the morning of october 19th, after the event had ended, the official 2dmv for bake no hana was posted on youtube, so i started listening to it alot again. two days later, i received some very... not fun news from someone who i care very deeply about. two days after that, i made a grim discovery about one of the classes im required to take next semester, and got so stressed over it that i had to go to my school's counseling center for urgent therapy. then, as if all that wasnt enough, that weekend i came down with pneumonia, and had to miss a whole week of classes. (and, of course, the whole time i was listening to bake no hana and netsu ijou on repeat)

i felt like i was watching my entire life fall apart, powerless to do anything, and completely and utterly alone. i suddenly found myself in a very similar place (at least mentally) as mizuki after the last chapter of thorns. mizuki, who had just watched their life crumble before her, now sitting on the shores of that lake in the sekai, miserable, in pain, and entirely by herself. like me. from then on, the meaning of that event, and of mizuki as a character, for me, was forever changed.

i cant tell you how many times, over the next few weeks, i'd open up project sekai on my phone just to find mizuki and sit there with them, listening to the gentle tones and chords of the empty lake's theme song. it was comforting, in a way, on nights when i'd been crying my eyes out for hours, or on days when i could barely make myself get up and eat something, to know that i wasnt the only one who felt this awful. we were, both of us, alone in our individual struggles, but we were going thru The Horrors together. mizuki's the first fictional character i've ever had a connection to this way, and she'll probably be the only one. i'll never forget the way mizu5 and its aftermath made me feel, this somewhat comforting loneliness. i don't think i'll ever be the same

and now, ena5 starts in just a few hours. the continuation of the cliffhanger at the end of path of thorns, the sequel to one of the most important events in project sekai history. we already know from the teasers that this event will have a hopeful ending. ena, who's so full of warmth and kindness that she nearly glows with it, will become a light for mizuki to follow in her first step towards healing, towards a better place. she's been so determined to help mizuki all this time because she's her friend and she deserves happiness, as do the rest of us. this event, and ena and mizuki as characters, will be colopale's letter to us, telling us that we deserve comfort and warmth and healing and friendship and love. that no matter how hard it gets, there's someone out there who wants to see you happy again, and that things will get better in the end. i want to believe this message of theirs. i cant quite see the light at the end of my tunnel yet, but i want to keep going. i dont wanna give up. i hope that one day, these wounds on my soul will fade into scars. i hope that, like the music of mizu5 before it, the ena5 commission song will become a theme for my next chapter. but most of all, i really hope i can get some actual frickign sleep at the end of all this ^^'

if u got this far, thanks for reading. sorry if any parts didnt make sense, i know i was kind of all over the place haha. i love u, and i love these characters from the silly little miku rhythm game in my phone. let's all enjoy ena5 to the fullest!! 🌸🦋❤️‍🩹

[thegrunkiest]

Overanalyzing the Spectral Assassin Dialogue

When there's a character with scarce material to draw from for writing, I tend to read into lines a lot, despite it being very likely that It's Not That Deep.

Lucien Lachance is no exception to this; in my opinion his comments in Skyrim actually offer more hints at his character than in Oblivion (aside from being very versed and pious in the Dark Brotherhood's doctrine - that's a personal interpretation I will not shake 😌). Wes Johnson, as always with his unique voices, also gives us some flavor and nuance to think on, whether intentional or not. Here are my personal takeaways from some of his dialogue!

"An ancient city, Markarth. Built by the Dwemer, the dwarves of old. To think, an entire race... eradicated. Not even I can take credit for that feat."

This suggests to me a bit of an ego. Given this comment it's safe to say he is quite self-assured in his skills and reputation, which I suppose can be taken as a healthy confidence, too. Either or! Though I like thinking arrogance personally.

Also... the way he utters "eradicated"? Sounds wistful, almost. Perhaps he derives personal, sick pleasure in the idea, or perhaps is pleased by the fact such a large-scale notion of death and discord would surely please Sithis greatly.

"You wish to kill me? Someone has already had that honor. Hah!"

"Ha ha! I've suffered worse!"

Could be taken as simple statements - because yes, obviously, he was killed and it was brutal... but what interests me is that he's laughing about it. He's not mad nor morose over his death. Perhaps he's grown to accept the circumstances over two centuries, or sees it as a theatric close to his personal legend.

"Someone has already had that honor" is a tasty tidbit that furthers this idea; I perceive this as an ego similar to the Markarth quote. He sees it as something of an achievement to have been killed: the infamous Lucien Lachance, acclaimed Speaker of the Black Hand, epitome of what the Dark Brotherhood stood for, finally taken to the grave? Be it for false accusations - with his death, no doubt the world became just a bit safer...

"Have you heard the tale of Mathieu Bellamont, and the Great Treachery of Cheydinhal? Kill a boy's mother, and vengeance festers in the son."

The famous line. To me this actually adds on to the above quotes - it's interesting just how... indifferent he sounds about it. He words it as though he's about to read us an Edgar Allen Poe story, rather than harp about some unfortunate events that ultimately destroyed - and prematurely ended - his life. Again, perhaps he's had lifetimes to come to terms with it, but it's just compelling how he's not outright angry. Which honestly? I feel like that'd insult Bellamont more than anything.

"Ah, yes. Solitude. Seat of the High King of Skyrim. Messy business, kingslaying. Ah, but so very satisfying..."

Oh yeah. He's undoubtedly killed a king in the past; it sounds here like he's speaking from personal experience. Take that as you will. Had it been a previous High King of Skyrim, giving a motive to his stated journey through Skyrim in his youth? I'm curious if there's any lore that could align timelines and point to who he could have assassinated, even if it could be chalked up to happy coincidence.

"In my time, the Blades protected the Emperor. It would seem these Penitus Oculatus will prove equally incompetent."

"My time saw the assassination of an Emperor as well. Alas, the Dark Brotherhood did not have the honor of that kill."

He seems to somewhat revel in Uriel's assassination though confesses some... envy, perhaps?... that it was not the Brotherhood's work. He also blatantly criticises the Blade's failure (ouch, man, don't do my boy Baurus like that!) I mean, it goes without saying his allegiance lies with the Brotherhood above anyone else, and he's evil and nasty, but these quotes convince me he doesn't hold any strong political stance. Complimenting the kingslaying quote and in tune with slaying the Emperor in Skyrim. Powerful targets are just high-prized game - and an acclaimed opportunity to orchestrate Sithis's will on a grander stage.

"Yes. Kill the chef, and then steal his very identity. For that is the true death."

This is most likely just some idle ruminations. It has me thinking nonetheless. Not out of the realm of possibility that he's assumed false identities himself to get to more valuable targets, of course.

I have some wild ideas that have branched from this though. What if?... what if he's stolen identities on a personal level? Aliases, if you will. Some serial killers are notorious for it (take H.H. Holmes for example). What if Lucien Lachance isn't actually Lucien Lachance? (Okay, this one's the total crackpot theory of the bunch but it was a fun idea to throw out there)

[icantwithstormandsilence]

One thing I'll never get over is how Storm & Silence could've easily been so much better if Rob Their(the author) wasn't afraid to actually write a compelling story.

Don't get me wrong, I adore the whole concept of '19 year old Victorian girl dresses up as a man to get a job'. But it's just so poorly written that I think about all the ways the story could be better when I'm in the bus going home from college.

I mean, that's how it is with books, they will be criticized no matter how good or how bad it may be. But then again, this is a Wattpad book. You can never expect too much from a Wattpad book. Every character feels very two dimensional after the first book that every other book after that is just plain fan-service.

The first book is genuinely good, except for the hyper feminist way Lilly is written to be. The author doesn't even bother to add conflict between any of the characters. The ONLY conflict that we ever get is Lilly arguing with Rikkard how she's capable of anything even if she's a women in every single book. It keeps going on and on like this that it just gets boring.

And the way Lilly's intelligence is suppressed makes me mad too. Like in book 3, she literally deciphers a map to find the treasure, but god forbid she recognizes her fiancé's(whether she likes him or not) initials on the waste disposal file and connect the dots on how he and her previous guy(I forgot his name) might've just disappeared. That right there could've been a good conflict. She recognizes the initials, realizes what Rikkard might've done, get angry and argue about not wanting him to interfere with it, then having to find an escape from her next fiancé and choosing to go out of town with Rikkard against her will instead of telling him why bcs she doesn't want a new waste disposal file.

Not to be mean, but the author is a man. At the end of the day, the way female characters are written by men will never be realistic. I know there might be real people out there like Lilly, but the way her "inner feminist"(I hate when she kept saying 'mY iNneR FemIniSt iS prOtEstiNg' stfu) is written truly makes me want to pull my hair out. It will never be same as writing a story from a women's perspective when you already know what it's like. I'm not saying that men are incapable of understanding the female experience, I'm saying that it's stupid and annoying when a man pretends he does.

Also the lack of historical accuracy boils my blood. Rob claims to have done thorough research on every historical details yet somehow Lilly and Rikkard goes on top of the Statue of Liberty despite the story taking place around 1840 and the statue starting its construction in 1876.

SNS was the last and final original story I've read on Wattpad. I really wish I could go back and keep myself away from that app and read an actual book. But it's the only place I could go to when I lost my sanity. Let me know how you feel about the book. I know there's barely anyone in the fandom, but please tell me your perspective.

P.S. can someone tell me where Rob used the slur. I read about many people talking about it but I cannot remember or recognize where it is.

[esther-dot]

Fans are stating that Jaime killed the Mad King. So how he could go back to another Mad Queen. Like as if Cersei wasn't his twin sister, lover and mother of his children for years. Also Jaime killing Night King was way different than what he is in books now. Plus he killed Aerys to protect his father Tywin who sacked KL and killed Elia and her children. Also why was there rage when he going to kill another Mad Queen. Do they forget that Dany wanted to kill Jaime for killing her father?

Men killing their lovers is gross and I keep saying no one wants to read /watch that, but it isn't true for this fandom, is it? They were very enthusiastic about it and wanted it, just for some women, not others. They wanted Jaime to strangle his sister/lover/mother of his children, declared it character assassination when he didn’t, but then said it was sexist that Jon killed Dany to stop her from carrying out her stated intention of attacking other cities/castles. 🤦🏻‍♀️

As for Jaime's morality regarding "mad kings" and "mad queens," I do think the books and show made it pretty clear that Jaime wasn’t exactly a picture of virtue. I mean, he was fucking his sister, he was down for a little kid killing (sorry, Bran), even though his big dishonorable act is revealed to have actually been a good thing, it doesn't change his characterization over-all. I don't remember anything specific that made me believe it, other than a general, "born together, die together" idea, but I always thought he would die with Cersei. When that happened on the show and fans had a major meltdown, I argued he was a better man for trying to save his lover than if he hadn’t. And, I appreciated it too, because, as riddled with nonsense as s8 was, what made the show (more so, ASOIAF), compelling was that the characters weren't standins for us. They surprised me because what they did wasn't what I wanted, but what they wanted. Jaime's feelings for Cersei were real, the lust, betrayal, anger, obsession...it made for an immersive experience because I couldn't project or predict. I treasure that. I admire that aspect of Martin's writing so much.

Let's think of it this way, what is the point of a POV story unless we accept that every character has a personal history and limited perspective which will impact the choices they make? It made total sense to me that people in Westeros would reject Dany, she's invading! So, Jaime deciding to try to take her out makes sense not only because he must keep up his tradition of Targ killing, but also, who would welcome someone who shows up with monsters who can just...burn an army alive? Destroy a city in a few minutes? Why would you think that person has good intentions? Why would anyone think, "I don't know, maybe they'll be nice." Add on the fact that her dad was intending to burn women and children, it isn't plausible that Jaime would think well of Dany, not when he just witnessed her burning countless men alive. Attempting to kill her makes an awful lot of sense for him.

And, I should add, I don't take issue with Dany wanting to have him executed either! The fascinating part of having a huge cast, having people with histories that have them on opposing sides is to allow them to interact in that context, not to dismiss it as soon as it will make things interesting. I can't defend how D&D wrote any of this, we've all criticized it endlessly, but tbh, a good portion of the fandom had worse ideas. Worse interpretations of the characters, far more cliché ideas of everyone getting along, far, far more insulting dream endings.

But, I suppose that was largely a result of how D&D were playing games. They didn't understand that emotionally manipulating your audience into siding with (or against) characters by undercutting or rewriting characters at whim would result in absolute confusion about the moral framework of the story.  You can't have a satisfying ending if that ending supports ideals you've deleted from the story and condemns the ones you've been celebrating all along.

[denimbex1986]

'When Christopher Nolan was working on the script for Oppenheimer, the filmmaker made the unusual decision of writing the screenplay in the first person, essentially depicting events from the POV of his lead character, physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer. In a behind-the-scenes sneak peek...the director explains his thinking with regard to that decision.

"In the case of this film, I wrote the script in the first person," says Nolan, whose previous credits include Inception and Interstellar. "It's the only time I've done that. It made it clear to anyone who read the script that we're on this ride with Oppenheimer."

In the same video, Cillian Murphy, who plays the role of Oppenheimer — the so-called "father of the atomic bomb" — admits to being surprised by the script's format when he began reading the screenplay.

It took me a minute to actually comprehend," the actor says, "and then I realized, oh, that's a huge responsibility."

Later in the video, Murphy explains how Oppenheimer "sees things in sort of different dimensions. Physicists operate on a completely different level than we do, and I think sometimes it's a burden. So I was really interested in that."

The featurette contains interview material with several other cast members, including Emily Blunt, who plays Oppenheimer's wife Kitty, and Robert Downey Jr., who portrays Atomic Energy Commission chairman Lewis Strauss.

"If Chris Nolan calls you and says that he'd like to meet with you, you're like, I don't care what it is," Blunt says.

"From the second I read the script, I knew that he had a very acute vision," Downey adds of Nolan, "and if he were able to render that vision that this film would be a masterpiece."

Florence Pugh, who plays Oppenheimer's lover, Jean Tatlock, is also featured in the clip The Black Widow and Don't Worry Darling actress describes her character as "blunt, [knows] what she wants, but at no point is she ever punished for that, and especially not by Oppenheimer."

Matt Damon costars in the film as General Leslie Groves, who put Oppenheimer in charge of the Manhattan project, the scientific initiative which resulted in the creation of the atom bomb.

"I tried to familiarize myself with Groves and the history and then talk to Chris about what he needed from that part," Damon says in the video. "Groves was almost like a kindergarten teacher in some respects, because these scientists were so eccentric and not necessarily trustworthy, I mean, if you're looking from a military perspective."

"It's a profoundly moving and overwhelming experience, watching it," Murphy says of the finished film towards the end of the featurette. "You feel so compelled to watch what's happening with these people and how they're drawn into the biggest of moral dilemmas, and what they're wrestling with, all of the characters."

Nolan and Murphy previously discussed the Oppenheimer shoot for EW's 2023 Summer Preview.

"The shoot was very sort of fast and furious and efficient," the director said at the time. "Hoyte [Van Hoytema, Nolan's regular cinematographer] and myself — from the technical end — we kind of jumped back to an earlier point in both of our careers, where we had no Steadicam on set, we had no playback or monitors. We were approaching it in a very stripped-down manner which gave us a terrific energy. I think it gelled very well with the ensemble nature of the piece. Even though Oppenheimer is at the center of it, we had this incredible ensemble of actors bringing so much to the table, and we really wanted to be able to move fast, jump around, and capture anything that was going to get thrown up by that."

"Every day, you had these phenomenal actors, who are heroes of mine, coming in," Murphy said. "Every day, you were having to raise your game to work with these legends. Everybody was so unbelievably well-prepared. Every single actor, no matter what size their role or the significance of their character in history, each one of them had this massive depth of knowledge that they could draw on."'

[un-poquito-de-monica]

So I finally finished children of blood and bone by Tomi Adeyemi!

It was amazing 🤩 I was perusing Goodreads and apparently the mythology thing isn't completely accurate and it's not the best representation of Nigeria because there are many many tribes and most of them wouldn't believe in the Yoruba pantheon, but poetic license, and it didn't affect my reading because I have no connection to Nigeria other than possible ancestors that I'll never know about because of the 📐 Trade.

So onto my actual thoughts about the book. I'll start with the bad. The romances don't really add anything to the plot for me. That's pretty much my only criticism.

Onto the good! I loved the premise of the story and I love that it was set in Africa because despite me not being African as I already mentioned, I'm of African descent and my culture has a lot of West African elements so it made me feel very connected to the story and characters. The characters were also very compelling, especially Amari and Inan just because I love a good "fighting against what you've been indoctrinated into" arc. I think Zelie is also a really realistic character, especially her reactions to traumatic experiences, and although I didn't get to know Tzain because there was no pov for him, I liked how he was from the other characters' eyes.

Another thing I appreciated was that they put curly hair in a good light. Tumblr is not very....melanated, so I don't know if anyone has seen the controversy of the Nigerian podcasters talking about "don't come with your natural hair to my event" but a lot of even black people don't really like type 4 hair in its natural state. Even I, living in a predominantly black country, have my moments where I wish my hair was looser.

Also the end had tears running out my eyes like I cut up the whole onion field, so be warned for that.

Random headcanon that might be a spoiler so it's under the cut.

So the romance between Inan and Zélie, it's inexplicable, it's odd, some believe it would be better taken out. However I actually think that it has a little bit of sense in there (although let it be clear I absolutely do not ship it)

Ok so first of all, Inan is kind of lonely. He's forced to push down all his softness to please his dad, who is determined that he grows up strong, so he wouldn't really be in touch with his feelings, and he probably wasn't getting any nurturing or care or anything, except the twisted version that Saran gives. Plus he's not used to his magic, and unlike Zélie he didn't grow up hearing tales of the different types of magic and what they can do. So when he feels Zélie's soul, it's a completely out of this world experience for him, and I think that's why he fell in love with her.

Not only does Zélie's spirit smell like the ocean, her feelings run as deep as one, and when Inan comes into contact with that, completely uncontrolled since he doesn't know how to rein in his magic yet, that's like the closest two humans can get to each other in this universe. It's like those questions that you can theoretically ask anyone and fall in love with them but all at once and 100000x stronger. And boom! Insta-love

Don't ask me about Tzain and Amari though..that one came out of left field.

[why-arent-you-reading]

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, by V.E. Schwab. It was the first book I read this year, but I'm pretty sure it's the best one. It's definitely the most beautiful, in the way that the words felt so precious that I felt like I had to treat the pages like they were fragile. As soon as I finished it, I felt the urge to re-read it, again and again. Maybe I'd be content with it being the only book I could ever read again.

Alone With You in the Ether, by Olivie Blake. When I read The Atlas Six, I knew immediately that I would want to read anything Olivie Blake had written and will ever write. And this one? This was magical. Minimalist plot and characters, focused on a relationship and it's ups and downs, with complex main characters that won't make you feel indifferent, and the writing is just impeccable. I wish I could read it again for the first time.

Americanah, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I am just so grateful that this book exists, I just want to hug it forever and give it to everyone as a gift; it's so important. I had heard of it for so long, and have it being recommended to me by several friends, and when I started reading I immediately knew why. I listened to the audiobook for a great part of it, and I love how the accents gave a different look to the story than I would have got just by reading it myself. It made me feel so much, so much... I don't think anyone should go around in life without reading this.

Deathless, by Catherynne M. Valente. Yes I will confess I had never heard about this Russian folktale in detail before (which was actually better for me in terms of plot, I guess?), and I grew so intrigued by this dark fairytale world... It kept getting better and better. It's also a love story -one that's definitely not for everyone-, featuring the villain himself. It depicted the world in a cruel but beautiful manner, and while it wasn't easy to read at times, I think the overall effect is haunting and charming at the same time.

Ninth House, by Leigh Bardugo. This book changed my perception on Leigh Bardugo in so many ways, I'm still in shock. Not that I didn't enjoy her Grishaverse series, but that's a mainstream young adult fantasy series, and this, this is it. New adult? Whatever it is. There's fantasy, there's grown-up issues and a compelling plot and characters (Alex is an amazing main character), and I just never would've guessed the author by how it was written. She made me root so deeply for a character who's barely in the book, I just think maybe I should've waited for the second book so I didn't feel the ache until then.

Sadie, by Courtney Summers. I was so surprised by this book, and by how much I loved it. This book hit me hard... it was hard to read, and right from the beginning you know the story won't be easy, won't be a happy one, but it's so captivating and it's just so well-done. My heart aches for Sadie. You must listen to the audiobook. It's the best one I have ever heard by a long shot, featuring many narrators that do their job impeccably. It just adds so much to the whole experience.

The Atlas Six, by Olivie Blake. I don't think I've ever read a book that had been as hyped up as this one, with the way everyone was worshipping it. And I wasn't really surprised when I loved it, even though I wasn't sure what I was signing up for, but dark academia + some fantasy depicted as a science? Count me in. It felt very much like an introduction to an actual plot, and it was more about the characters and their very complicated relationships, which I particularly enjoy in a book. I cannot wait where the story will take us.

The Secret History, by Donna Tartt. Are the characters likeable? Are they even relatable? Probably not. But this didn't make this masterpiece less enjoyable. This book, the definition of dark academia, sort of compelled me, and the ambience was so captivating that I found myself so immersed in it, I didn't want to leave. I loved it but at the same time it upset me at times; it began very slow but then all of a sudden lots of things were going on and just... it will haunt me for a very long time. Henry Winter, my beloved.

[fallingstarsandeagles]

I’m honestly completely freaking out because byler has been the main catalyst for sending me into a total sexuality crisis and I have no one in my real life I can vent to about this. I’m feeling kind of embarrassed to admit to all these details here, but the byler community has been so supportive and loving that I feel like I can trust you guys. Please do not feel compelled to read this as it would be self absorbed to believe everyone would be interested in my life. However if you are the least bit curious I would love to hear your feedback.

To give a bit of background I am a 22 year old girl who has always thought she was straight. I never really thought I felt attraction for woman but I honestly didn’t feel a super strong attraction to men either. I definitely got crushes on guys and kissed a few guys through my early teens. In junior year I had a boyfriend for like 4 months that I met through an organization, but we didn’t go to school together and neither of us had our licenses so we didn’t see each other that often. I lost interest very quickly and I slowly stopped talking to him until he broke up with me (actions I am horrified by now) the common denominator in all of these scenarios is I did not feel the a strong connection with any of these guys or even enjoyed spending time with them that much.

Often times it’s just much harder for me to be myself around guys compared to girls. There were also a couple scenarios where I was asked out by guys I had no interest in and I rejected them. This is a cliche to admit but I also made out with a few girls at my overnight camp under the guise of practicing kissing. It was an exciting experience but not what I viewed as life changing or that it gave me any realization moment. I honestly didn’t take anything from it. In tv and movies I mainly gravitated toward straight couple although they would often be less conventional ships that usually didn’t end up together.

I also feel I should add that I experienced some pretty serious bullying at my overnight camp in an experience that slowly escalated over the years from my best friends transforming into my bullies. Their behavior shifted so gradually and I so desperately wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening so I remained in denial and convinced myself that I was over exaggerating their behavior. When I confronted people about how they treated me much shittier than every one else they would say I was being dramatic or just refuse to respond to me. So I couldn’t be sure if what I was experiencing was real or if it was happening in my head. I greatly internalized the idea that I was just being dramatic and attention seeking.

These experiences have given me anxiety and depressing and left me with a very low self esteem and a deep distrust of my own social sensibilities and etiquette. I was left feeling deeply misunderstood by everyone around me and I clung to to these toxic friendships out of fear that I could never find anyone else. To give some examples of how I was treated in one instance one girl invited everyone in the group chat to a Halloween party she was hosting. About a week later she texted me individually saying she actually couldn’t host the party. I found out during Christmas that she actually made a separate group chat without me after that and only uninvited me. No one told me about this until I asked people about it around Christmas. In another instance a girl I have been best friends with since I was 4 who I convinced to start coming to this camp started dating that guy who was especially cruel in his behavior toward me. This is literally a girl I got poison ivy with, got my ears pierced with, and snuck out with. And she didn’t give a fuck about getting with a guy who treated her supposed best friend like shit. It was super hard to let go of these friendships. I remember feeling like a mistake and feeling like no one would understand me. It felt like I was always on the outside and their was a window between me and the rest of the world.

I eventually made about 2 really good friends that I can be myself around. That means I can be super passionate about things like books and tv shows without having to hold back. But I still have a lot of trauma from that time. Before byler their was Hizzie a w/w ship from an honestly terrible spinoff show legacies. But hizzie was the highlight for me even though it was never canon (despite 2 love confessions) The interesting thing was from this show I mostly clung to and related to the main character Lizzie Saltzman who was a complex character with bipolar disorder who often feels broken and has a codependent relationship with her sister. The narrative often frames her as narcissistic when in reality she can be very selfless. I strongly saw and felt comp het within her based on how she interacted with her male love interests and how it contrasted how she interacted with Hope. I felt indignant when I saw people call their bond sisterly. And I felt heartbroken when Lizzie ended up with a man that she was never that interested in. I honestly can’t tell if I want to be Lizzie or if I was in love with her.

And then there was Byler. I started watching stranger things after season 2 and I hadn’t really paid attention to byler. I thought they were cute but I also thought Mileven was cute although I didn’t actively ship them. Tbh the couple I shipped most upon first watch was jancy. And then when I watched season 3 I fell in love with Will’s character. His arc of feeling like he was falling behind the rest of his friends felt painfully familiar for me. I immediately saw his as queer though I honestly didn’t even really consider him being in love with Mike. Then I saw season 4 vol 1. About a week after vol 1 came out I found byler tumblr and it all spiraled from there. I’ve been obsessed. I check the tag everyday, I read basically ever byler fic, I watch tik tok analysis, im in a byler insta group chat. It makes me so giddy to think about them.

And I also start thinking more about internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality. And it just got me thinking. I can’t think of a single instance in my entire life where I had a deep crush on a guy I actually knew beyond the surface especially after the age of 14. All I really had were random hookup or two that always felt awkward. I was heartbroken by vol 2 but now have hope for season 5. Then I just watched Do Revenge and wanted camilas and maya’s characters to make out the entire time even though their relationship was toxic af. And I’m just… confused. I’ve never really thought through the process of dating a girl. I’ve never processed that as an option. But now that I am it seems potentially more appealing than the other option. But I still don’t even know if I’m attracted to girls. I think girls are beautiful but how do I know if I’m attracted to them. And a part of me just thinks I’m being dramatic or doing this for attention. Or that I just feel lonely and I feel a kinship with the lgbtq+ community so I’m clinging to it. I don’t know what to do. I’m crying writing this post and feeling really alone. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did please let me know what you think. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my long ramble.

Also I thought I should add that I was absolutely heartbroken and upset when my best girl friend from middle and high school said we would go to prom together and then she end up ditching me after a guy she didn’t even like asked her. I had absolutely no thoughts that I could possibly like her or be attracted to her at the time and I’m still not sure I see her that way because our relationship felt pretty platonic. That was another unbalanced friendship where I was giving way more than I was getting back yet I was so reluctant to let go of it.

[thejudgingtrash]

Annabeth is a good person,but not a nice or pleasant one,IMO.

YES.

That’s it. That’s the post. Pack it up everybody, we just cracked the case and cleared up one of the most compelling fights in the PJO fandom since forever. Good job everybody, clap it out and there’s the door! Don’t forget ordering the drinks at Starbucks, Mitch! They’re on me!

Okay, but on a more serious note: YES. YES EXACTLY.

And before some of you roll your eyes or grab your pitchforks – put your biases aside and hear me out for once. I like Annabeth. She’s my in my top three characters only second to Percy himself. I love Percabeth. It’s my favorite ship in the entire series and to be frank, the only ship that I care about PJO wise. Hell, I spend my time creating my own headcanons or writing my own fanfics with Percabeth being the star in them.

But that is not to say that I’m unable to see how certain things have developed over the years or where they stand now in regard to Annabeth. I’m not here to ignore things that have been said and/or done due to or in the name of Annabeth and I’m not here to vilify anyone that doesn’t like her. And I’m here to admit that I’m guilty of some of the things that may be addressed in this meta essay that you will read in just a second. However, I try my best to assure you, that I’m for once able to recognize my own bias.

Warning: a monster essay lies right upon you.

This should count as a paper of its own.

Back to the statement on top: I would go out even further to reframe your claim, anon:

Annabeth Chase is a good character but not a nice or pleasant person.

Annabeth is a wonderful character but she isn’t a nice one. Or at least not nice to everyone. She is (construction wise if I dare say) the best character out of the series. She has her positive traits (she’s caring, she’s emotional, she’s encouraged and volunteers, she fights for what she believes in, she forgives (even if doing so begrudgingly)) but she also has her negative traits (she’s stubborn, she’s brash, changing her mind takes forever, she is prejudiced, she baits others). That balances things out. She is branded as the intelligent kid but does irrational things (like I’ve just said a) she’s a kid and b) she’s not a robot). She should probably know better, but we all make mistakes and hopefully grow and learn from them. The clouds in the sky do blur and cover our visions sometimes.

Annabeth had clashes with other characters or was about to have fights due to her stubbornness or jealousy (Rachel, Reyna, etc.) and has of course her problems with the mortal world and her family but she also found new friends, some things cleared up throughout the narration and she was/is quite popular in Camp Half-Blood.

The thing is: she doesn’t have to be nice or pleasant (as a character). Or at least not all the time. Her character is humanized. That is what or who she is. Human. She does stand out as a character, not just because she’s the (future) love interest. She feels like someone you could meet in real life and either adore from the top to the bottom or declare as your biggest enemy. And that’s totally okay if you lean either way – liking or disliking her. Or even feeling indifferent about her. Also great!

To say that she has been the best character that Riordan has crafted is easy to say, because she has been sculpted after Riordan’s wife. He had a model he could rub some of real-life events or traits on. That’s not the problem. The problem truly doesn’t lie on Riordan’s side for the most part for once.

The problem is inherently on the fandom’s side. What the fandom does, how it acts and how it treats Annabeth as a character is the problem. The problems vary but it’s mostly the mischaracterization of Annabeth, starting fights and fan/ship wars, internalized misogyny (in some cases) and how some of the Annabeth stans lash out (ha, got firsthand experience in that field among many of my friends and mutuals!). There is a reason why many people are wary of people that have Annabeth or Percabeth related URLs.

The fact that we see Annabeth mostly through Percy’s lens and (until the Heroes of Olympus saga hits) we never really see her in chill everyday situations is essentially Riordan leaving the back door of the house open, ready for all of you asshats to rob his mansion in Boston. Because a frame on a character means that we don’t get to see the character in its entirety (unlike we do with Percy in PJO for the most part). That means a bunch of stuff is left open for interpretation which is the reason why Annabeth gets so many polarized headcanon and opinions tossed around. I think that is one of the true appeals of Annabeth. You can add on stuff and it necessarily doesn’t have to contradict itself.

We have people calling her abusive due to a (n admittedly stupid and unnecessary) judo flip and we have people that act like she’s never done anything wrong. People sorta use this excuse to form and shape Annabeth however they want and distort her characterization.

People in the fandom act like Annabeth is some weird prized possession. We perceive Annabeth mostly through the eyes of others (Percy, Apollo, etc.) and when we had some sort of insight in her ways (MOA, HOH) it felt… weird? Somewhat? Like Riordan left two bullet points of her characterization and told the ghostwriter: aight, fuck it up, gringo, see you on Tuesday and greet Fred the next time you see him for me. 

There have been many posts lately (by Tharini, Simi, Sawasawako, Jewishpercy and Annie I believe?) that HOO Percabeth felt weird. That they felt weirdly constructed, that there was no conflict, no growth. It felt stagnating, like we’re turning back. We had five books prior where we had Annabeth and Percy slowly shifting from disliking to liking and crushing each other. True development. And when we finally got the cake it felt… dissatisfying. Like the cheap box stuff and not the delicious exquisite taste that we were promised.

I said it previously in my Percabeth ship roast, but let me repeat myself: many Percabeth related things are straight up fanon. Some of it is very old fanon so that’s been unable to distinguish unless you’ve read the books recently and subtract nearly 99,9% of things you see on Tumblr (and occasionally the other shitty parts of the fandom like Reddit, IG, Twitter. Although they mostly steal and recycle tumblr stuff oh well. But back to the topic).

The way people treat Annabeth is so strange. She’s either an innocent fluffy smush baby that’s never harmed a fly and all that she wants for Christmas is being Percy’s lapdog or she’s the devil incarnate, broke into your house, killed your parents Batman style, kicked your puppy and didn’t flush the toilet on the way out. I think this is what mostly makes people hate her or the ship Percabeth. And both extremes are wrong and right at the same time? She is multifaceted so both stereotypes are true and untrue and sorta cancel each other out in the same way.

The true reason why people dislike Annabeth is because the stans are doing the most. (The haters as well, don’t get me wrong, but oh boy. Piss of a stan and you’ll know what I mean). That isn’t inherently new. Are you guys old enough to remember the ship wars that have happened cross platform? Perachel vs. Percabeth? Oh boy, oh boy. I saw some kids on tumblr a few months ago trying to infiltrate both tags and start shit (and also fail). The fact that Rachel still gets used as the bitchy (ex) girlfriend in fanfics? It’s 2020 guys. I know this apocalyptic year is far from perfect and over but I think we can let this trope die, right? Right? I thought we’ve established that Rachel is a pretty chill charcter by now… right?

If you posted your stuff on FFN back in 2010-2013 and it wasn’t the typical cutesy Percabeth story (Goode High, the gods read TLT, punk/prep Percabeth, college AU, etc.) people would’ve come for your fucking throat. Not because the story or the narration was shit. But because the pairing wasn’t Annabeth and Percy (in the sense that Annabeth had to be paired with Percy. I mean Percy gets shipped with everyone and their mother but for Annabeth it was strictly Percy. As annoying as this whole Connabeth thing is – the people behind it actually had a point. She never had a different love interest unless it’s a Percy centered story and he goes off dating Athena, Artemis and Zoe at the same time for some odd reason. Yeah, FFN Percy ships are something). Or it wasn’t the action filled canon compliant story or it wasn’t an AU that was popular.

People were really stubborn, snobbish and wanted their stuff in the four five boxes that were the most popular ones and that’s it. People have been bullied off the site in many fandoms, so it’s not a PJO-only thing but it’s still sad that it happened. (Off-note: most of these FFN tropes are still alive and well and thriving on AO3. Don’t be so snobbish and pretend that every piece you’d find there is a holy grail. There’s a lot of trash you have to waddle through. Same with Wattpad, Tumblr or anywhere else where fanfics get posted. Also had this discussion with Annabeth stans. Sigh).

And Tumblr back then? Forget it, wasn’t much better.

That view has sorta changed (at least for people that have been in the fandom for several years or have managed to find a way to navigate through it) but some of the negative sentiment from back in the day has survived. Be it by new fans coming in or from old fans that never let their stance die. The aggression feels differently and somewhat not. (I don’t know if the anon function had been abused that much back in the day. I was an observer not a participant in the fandom).

Crack a joke at Annabeth’s expense (Kal’s famous “Annabeth is a Republican” post or Dee Dee’s and many others “Annabeth has the education of a second grader, chill with the college plans, girlie” stance) and you have people insulting you, making callout posts, unfollowing and blocking you (based on only that? Okay, honey), making aggressive counter-posts, etc. in a minute. If you respond with “It’s a joke, it’s not real” you have a 50/50 chance of either getting blown off or embarrassing them so that they apologize for once.

This isn’t just about jokes. You can make a headcanon that’s not the cozy cute convenient mainstream saga and people would react the same way. Or art piece (no, not including the whole Tannabeth Blackchase shtick done by Viria and others) or fanfics.

People project so much onto the unfinished canvas that is Annabeth Chase that any form of negative sentiment as little as someone not liking her to straight up criticism, regardless of how tiny it may be, seems like an affront. Like an invitation to a fight. Like an insult to them, their character, everything they believe in. Let me state something:

You are NOT Annabeth Chase. Annabeth Chase IS NOT you. Annabeth Chase is NOT real. Her feeling cannot be hurt. Someone criticizing, disliking, joking about her or even insulting her will not bother her. Someone making a statement about her is not an insult to YOU.

Let me repeat that:

Annabeth Chase isn’t real. Annabeth Chase isn’t you.

So think a little before you act? I get it when you’re a kid and new to fandoms or haven’t been up with fan cultures in the past and are back in the scene. But if you’re in your late teens or even older as an adult and you’re unable to understand that you aren’t what you like – you aren’t the extension of a fictional character – I feel incredibly sorry for you. Because that’s just incredibly sad. Someone disliking something you like isn’t an attack of your character. It shows you that you are you and the other person is a human just like you. That they just have different taste. Disliking something you like isn’t a crime, you know? But me feeling sorry for the way some of y’all act won’t mean that that’s even remotely okay. Especially if you’re no longer in the intended audience for PJO age wise and should know better.

This isn’t a “white stans” only thing. I’ve seen and witnessed firsthand how people of color, mainly women of color, act the same or not even worse when it comes to her character. People have projected their problems and real-life occurring events into her character (I’m sure that she isn’t the only character nor that this is the only fandom where this is happening) and in some cases like I’ve said cannot separate their own personality from the fictional world. Fights with woc happened because of Annabeth fucking Chase. So many things have happened in the fandom the past few months, mostly due to people being forced staying at home because of the quarantine but I’d say it’s 10% on quarantine and 90% on people for acting up like this.

So here’s a little story: There was the act of Riordan blowing the fandom up because of his own stupidity and being unable to apologize for his mischaracterization and lack of research (the whole Piper fiasco) back in June (?) and admits the upset fandom, people on Twitter, Tumblr and Discord legit thought that none of that mattered and that the outcry was destroying Annabeth Chase’s birthday. That’s right. People thought that Annabeth Chase’s non-existing birthday because she’s a fictional character had a higher priority than the rupture and prevalent racism in the fandom. Okay. This isn’t a great look, Annabeth stans. And this of course pissed a lot of people off. I made a post about it and someone not only berated three other people on said post but no, we had a mighty argument which had disrupted many friendships in our circle which haven’t recovered until this very day. We both had our parts in it and no one is innocent. But the cause of this still remains Annabeth Chase or how people prioritize her non-existing well-being. Anyway. I’m getting agitated just thinking about it.

Let’s go back to the characterization thing with Annabeth. Let me remind you:

Annabeth Chase is an asshole. There I’ve said it in a post ages ago (too lazy to look it up, sorry) and I’ll say it again. And that’s not me insulting her. That’s me actually loving that about her. Annabeth is one of the very few unapologetic female characters that really showed all young readers across the world that you can be a girl, a badass, smart, strong, standing up for yourself and what you believe in. You don’t have to be nice. You don’t have to hide your feelings. You don’t need a man in all cases but it’s also okay to accept help and defeat.

A large reason why I think she’s an incredibly important character in children’s literature/YA because many other novels (mostly (sadly)) have the “Oh, I’m a white skinny dark-haired girl that likes unconventional things like READING. I’m not like the other girls, that take care of themselves and pamper themselves by enjoying shopping and wearing make-up. No, I’d rather be one of the boys but a sweet cute little boy and not the jock fuck that drank vodka shots out of a filthy shoe once. Despite me calling myself hideous every man in a 10-kilometer radius falls in love with me and tells me I’m oh so sexy and by the way I’m only 16 years old” shit going on for no goddamn reason.

Yes, I do blame Twilight for this mostly in recent years, but this trope isn’t by any means knew. Pretty sure that you could even use classics as Pride and Prejudice and dissect them in the same manner (Bold statement: Lizzy Bennet is the OG Bella Swan. There. Go fight somewhere in the corner, people). The new wave of YA focuses on girls belittling themselves and only starting to believe in themselves because someone else (mostly the male love interest) tells them they’re worth it. And these books hit the mainstream because they’re incredibly bland and picture perfect white.

With Annabeth it’s different. She shows up for the job and is done with it. (Brie Larson would probably be the perfect in real life version of her. You either like or dislike her. Or you really don’t care). That is what is so refreshing about her. Her unapologetic nature. Can it be off-putting? Yes. Is it annoying? Yes! Hell, every time I read The Lightning Thief, I want to rip her goddamn head off. And it’s just so well written. Her shift from mistrusting Percy but secretly still believing in him to her opening up. Wow, Riordan did something right there.

Annabeth Chase isn’t a young character. She has existed along with PJO for 15 years. She’s on her way to the second decade. I’m pretty sure that with the success of Percy Jackson (and Harry Potter) many lives have been warped and shaped.

But when I say the problem lies mostly in the fandom, it doesn’t mean that Riordan’s completely innocent. The only problem that I have with Annabeth lies not truly with her but the fact that Riordan is only able to produce three variations of female characters:

The sweetheart (Hazel, Silena, Calypso, Hestia)

The strong feminist (Annabeth, Piper, Thalia, Reyna, Artemis)

The bitch (Drew, nearly every female goddess in the goddamn Riordanverse next to every female monster)

And these female characters only know three endings:

End up married with a mortgage, three kids, two dogs and a cat somewhere in Connecticut by the age of twelve

Get dumped into the hunt

Chill on Mount Olympus and only come down to be a nuisance and/or give a cryptic message before going back and doing a godly rave party or something

We know Annabeth as the badass strong female first (or the bitchy character we’re supposed to actually like. Choose your approach), the blueprint so to speak, so some of the other characters feel almost pale in comparison and almost not needed? Doesn’t mean that other characters can’t behave similarly, but it feels kind of redundant especially if their character arcs end in a rather anticlimactic way (Thalia, Reyna). The new additions are the much needed woc as the main story with PJO was inherently white (anyway stan black!Percy and Grover, folks). So it’s not to bash on the new characters, it’s more Riordan’s fault more than anything.

Since Riordan only knows three female character arcs it feels like he tried to copy the formula several ways with different nuances. Some more or less successful. This is where fandom actually comes in handy and helps create more distinguished and fleshed out characters in form of headcanons or fanfiction.

But even in these cases people still make it about Annabeth when it’s time for characters of colors to shine. Remember that whole spiel and discussion that broke out when people (Kal, diver-up, Caitlyn, Bee, reynaisalesbian, etc.) joked about or criticized that Annabeth thinks that she’s having it harder because she’s a blonde? In front of Hazel and Piper? If she would’ve been a real person that’s an invitation for getting decked. And then all hell broke loose because Annabeth stans couldn’t accept the fact that in the real world and/or in fictional worlds the woc/coc have it harder? That the white woman wasn’t the victim that needed the coddling? Yeah, that was mad pathetic.

I hope you people get my point?

Well fuck. I wrote so many things and have the feeling I’ve said nothing. Anyway, I hope I made sense. This is way too long.

TLDR: Chill about Annabeth please. She’s an important character but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to like her, regardless of being a character in the books or a reader/fan of PJO in real life. She isn’t nice or a sweetheart all the time. She also isn’t the monstrous asshole that some try to make out of her.

Peace out.

[zenonaa]

'Like the rest of the group, he also wondered what could have driven out such a grin from him, out in the open like that. Worse, it could have not been a ‘what’, but a ‘who’. He had prided himself on never letting anyone slip under his skin, never letting anyone become close to him. Learning to rely on others, and let others rely on him, was one thing. This felt more personal, like a kick to the stomach.'

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Togami Byakuya Characters: Fukawa Touko, Togami Byakuya, Naegi Makoto, Naegi Komaru, Kirigiri Kyouko, Asahina Aoi, Hagakure Yasuhiro Additional Tags: TogaFuka Week 2021 Summary: Togami and the others stumble across a photograph of him smiling, but he can't remember the context so the others try to figure out what happened for him to do that.

Comments: owo what's this? togafuka week day 1: happiness! i haven't actually written something for all the days but this is one of the things that i did manage to squeeze out.

💗 Please like, share and comment if you enjoyed it! 💗

***

Cleaning up Hope’s Peak wasn’t an afternoon affair. Beyond the old school building that Byakuya knew too intimately, debris clogged hallways, trash lay scattered throughout the campus like weeds and the air smelled of rust and blood. The group of seven started with the art building on the east side of campus. For the first few hours, Yasuhiro hummed as he hauled cardboard boxes, Komaru still had the patience to prepare and bring lemonade, and Aoi’s sunshine voice beamed between walls as she shared a story about the time her family held a second-hand sale in their backyard.

By the end of the day, however, their lively chatter had dimmed with the sky. Inside remained as bright thanks to Byakuya and Yasuhiro reconnecting the electricity, but darkening windows reminded them of the aches in their limbs, the ebbing flames behind their eyes. Byakuya swept his gaze across what used to be a theatre but was currently a sorting room filled with boxes instead of chairs. Makoto, Touko, Komaru and Yasuhiro were sitting together on boxes, while Kyouko and Aoi had just walked in with a dirty wheelbarrow.

“We should adjourn until the morning,” Byakuya announced. He reached a hand toward his glasses, intending to push them up, but stopped himself when he remembered the grime clinging to his palms. Not wanting to dirty his glasses, he lowered his hand.

The Byakuya of the past would have deemed this sort of manual labour beneath him, yet he had willingly spent most of that day working alongside his companions. His friends. How things changed.

“There is so much stuff,” said Aoi, who by now had parked the wheelbarrow and was slouched against it. She wiped her vest against her forehead.

“And not a lot of it is useful,” added Kyouko, next to Aoi. Yasuhiro straightened up.

“Nonsense. All we need to do is spruce them up, and they’ll be ready to go on sale.” He walked over to a broken lamp, its shade bitten and discoloured, as dirty as the floor it lay on. “Like this lamp. Fix this up, and it’ll be as good as new. Then all we need is a good pitch and b’am,” he punched his palm, “sold.”

“You can’t do that with everything here,” said Komaru. He put his hands onto his hips.

“Not with that attitude! But with the right mindset, you could sell anything here, guaranteed.”

Yasuhiro rubbed his finger against his nose, grinning like a fool. Some things changed, but others stayed remarkably the same. Byakuya’s gaze drifted over to Touko, who was scowling at Yasuhiro. Touko was both different and the same. Different, because she stood firm where she used to cower, and she let others into her world where she used to cloak herself in darkness.

And same because while like Byakuya, she had learned to allow herself to rely on friends and for friends to rely on her, she was still head over heels in love with him.

She pointed at a black bag containing hunks of metal. “What sales pitch do you have for this?”

“Easy! All you have to do is make the contents into sculptures,” replied Yasuhiro. “Their only purpose is to be admired, ‘right? Add a backstory to go with them and boom, sold. You can do that to practically anything even if it’s trash.”

“No way,” said Aoi.

“Want to bet?”

The group roused to accept his challenge. Makoto found a used wipe container, and Yasuhiro clicked his fingers and said to fill it with plastic bags, turning it into a dispenser that was portable and could fit easily into a car drawer. Aoi presented him with pizza boxes, at which Yasuhiro laughed and demanded more so they could be decked in wrapping paper and transformed into a drawer unit. When Komaru found a metal pipe, Yasuhiro claimed it needed a clean and spray paint and it could sit contentedly on a shelf.

Yasuhiro even sucked Byakuya and Touko into the game. The cork in Byakuya’s hand changed into a keychain, and Yasuhiro’s voice fashioned an old juice carton into a recyclable purse ideal for coins and trips to the arcade. Each item that the others found, Yasuhiro repurposed it into something else.

“There has to be something you can’t reuse,” Komaru insisted. She peeled the lid open on a cardboard box and lifted out a hardback red book from inside it. “What about these photos? Who’d want to have pictures of strangers?”

“Photos?” said Kyouko, intrigued.

“Yeah, there are a whole load of albums in here. I went through a few earlier but didn’t recognise anyone, so I forgot about them.”

Touko rolled her eyes. “Typical...”

Kyouko and Aoi each took out an album. The box seemed to contain several of them, their covers glazed in dust and cobwebs.

“Gekkogahara-san is in this one,” said Kyouko within a few seconds of skimming.

By now, the rest of the group had gravitated over. Inside the album that Kyouko was holding, the photographs were contained in plastic flaps that overlapped so only the one on top could be seen unless it was flicked up, revealing the photograph beneath. In the photograph currently on display, Miaya Gekkogahara was sitting next to a pale guy with dark hair and dark shadows under his eyes, who Byakuya recognised as Yasuke Matsuda. They appeared to be seated at a computer desk, their heads turned toward the photographer.

“It’s really her,” murmured Makoto. “And not a robot masquerading as her.”

“Do you think these are all photos of her class?” asked Yasuhiro as he and the others picked up their own photo albums to browse.

“If that’s true, then everyone in these are deceased,” said Touko.

Aoi winced. “When you phrase it like that, this feels kind of morbid.”

Makoto flipped through a few flaps in the album in his hands. Then his creased forehead exploded as his eyebrows shot up. “This album contains our class!”

Everyone crowded around him. The photograph showed a pink room with a television screen hanging on the wall. Blurred writing glowed on it that Byakuya struggled to decipher. In front of it, Couch seats were positioned around three sides of a table, and on the seats sat members of their class. The only classmate not in the photograph was Sakura.

“Sakura-chan must have been taking the photograph,” said Aoi. “No way would our class exclude her.”

Holding the album in one hand, Makoto scratched his head with his other.

“I vaguely recall this,” he said. “Kuwata-kun... yes, I think it was him... booked a karaoke room, and the whole class packed in. All of us sang at least once.”

While Future Foundation had aided them in recovering from the memory loss inflicted by Junko, some memories were stronger than others. For Byakuya, he could recall plenty of events, but none came with any emotion attached. It was as though he was reading about them in a newspaper afterwards.

“Byakuya-sama graced us with his voice,” Touko piped up. The ends of her lips curled upward as she squeezed her hands together. “I r-remember... he made the air taste like chocolate syrup... his words spread a chill across my skin... ah...”

Byakuya remembered performing a single song, but he hated singing, and he couldn’t remember what compelled him to accept a microphone.

“Enoshima tried to steal such a precious memory from us.” Aoi rubbed the heel of her hand against her eye. “Sakura-chan sang a beautiful song about friendship. Her voice washed over the room like the ocean.”

Kyouko placed a hand onto Aoi’s shoulder. Komaru flicked through the other photographs in the album. Byakuya didn’t pay Komaru any more mind, frowning at Touko as she seemed to relive the experience of him singing. Her recollection appeared much more intimate than his own. Part of him wanted to ask her for more details. Another part was repulsed.

Komaru gasped.

“What is it?” asked Makoto as they all focused on the album again. The photograph that had captured her attention depicted Byakuya. Nothing extraordinary appeared to be in the photograph - he was sitting on a bench at an angle, not facing the camera.

Yet the others stared with their mouths agape.

“I have never seen Togami-chi smile like that,” said Yasuhiro.

Byakuya inspected the photograph closer. Though it had been taken at a distance - probably so he wouldn’t realise someone was taking a photograph of him - there was a definite smile gracing his lips. It wasn’t a smirk, or a cruel grin, or the faint curve he sometimes showed around his friends, but a smile showing teeth, one that didn’t just meet his eyes, but made his gaze, no, his face glow.

What he was looking at, however, was unclear. It was now that Byakuya realised the photograph had been torn, and the section that held the object of his attention wasn’t in the album.

“It must have been something amazing to have made him smile back then,” said Yasuhiro.

They all turned to Byakuya, who pursed his lips.

“Putting aside whether I would tell you if I knew, I don’t actually recall when this took place,” he said.

“Maybe we could help jog your memory?” Aoi suggested. “When I want to remember something, I write it on my palm three times.”

“That won’t help,” said Touko. “You can only do that while you still remember the thing.” Her teeth gritted. “Argh... if only I knew what could have elicited such a pure smile from Byakuya-sama...!”

She dragged her fingers down her face.

“It’s not a big deal,” said Byakuya. While the others burned with curiosity, discomfort stewed in his gut like when he had watched Touko reminisce about the karaoke session.

Like the rest of the group, he also wondered what could have driven out such a grin from him, out in the open like that. Worse, it could have not been a ‘what’, but a ‘who’. He had prided himself on never letting anyone slip under his skin, never letting anyone become close to him. Learning to rely on others, and let others rely on him, was one thing. This felt more personal, like a kick to the stomach.

“There has to be some way to reawaken the memory,” said Komaru, her tone light without the burden of his thoughts. She turned to Kyouko. “You must know a way.”

“Must I?” Kyouko’s eyebrows rose.

“Because you’re from a detective family,” said Aoi, nodding.

“Actually...” Komaru’s smile cringed on her face. “I um... just assume Kyouko-chan knows everything.”

“There are a few techniques we can try,” said Kyouko, faintly amused. “Perhaps if we pinpoint when and where exactly the photograph took place, that may stir something in Togami-kun’s brain.”

Other than Byakuya, no one else was in the frame. A briefcase leaned against a bench leg and a pile of papers rested on his lap. Annoyingly, he couldn’t see any writing that may have been on the papers. In the photograph, he wasn’t looking at them. He was focused on the nothingness where the other half of the photograph should have been.

“That has to be the main plaza,” said Aoi. “I recognise the benches. Sakura-chan and I finished our morning runs there. Then we would sit down and drink some water. We never saw Togami there though.”

“Yeah. That looks like the fountain at the back,” added Makoto.

Kyouko stroked her chin. “The sliver of sky in the background appears rather pale, and judging by the colour of the leaves, it’s approximately autumn.”

“Togami-chi never missed a lesson, so it had to be late-afternoon at the latest, ‘right?” said Yasuhiro.

“Unless it was the weekend,” Makoto pointed out, prompting Yasuhiro to exhale frustratedly through his teeth. The thoughtful expression on Kyouko’s face, however, didn’t waver.

“We can deduce whether he had lessons on that day,” said Kyouko.

“How?” asked Aoi.

Byakuya already knew. “I’m not in uniform.”

“Indeed,” said Kyouko with a bob of her head. “So unless you changed into another outfit after your lessons, this scene transpired at the weekend.”

“Does that ring any bells for you?” Komaru asked Byakuya, clasping her hands together, eyes wide with optimism. “Visiting the plaza on the weekend, and catching sight of something that brings joy to your face...?”

His jaw clenched. All of them were staring at him. They had a campus as large as four high schools to clear and they had only made a dent so far, but the arduous task appeared to have been pushed aside in favour of probing his brain for some memory. Oh, how they tried his patience at times.

“I can’t say it brings anything to mind, though it is unusual for me to be there,” he said in a level tone. “Usually, during the weekend, I would be indoors, either in my room or in the library.”

Certainly not at the plaza. Certainly not with a brazen smile chipped into his face.

“I think we’ve followed the photograph’s lead as far as it can go,” said Yasuhiro. “Now we must turn to guesswork. If we bounce ideas off each other, that might help Togami-chi remember. Perhaps you had come from a meeting, where you struck a billion dollar deal?”

“Or you emerged from the cafeteria after they served some tasty donuts?” Aoi chimed in.

Byakuya’s frown sank in deeper.

“Or you finished a really good manga?” said Komaru.

“Or listened to a good song?” added Makoto.

Yasuhiro clicked his fingers. “I once read that listening to music is a good way to stir up memories. If we find a piece with the right mood, Togami-chi ought to remember the scene!”

“What sort of mood do you guys reckon we should play?” asked Komaru as she shoved her hand into her coat.

“Something cheerful,” said Aoi.

Komaru retrieved her phone from her pocket and tapped on her screen. A few seconds later, a series of beeps sang out of her phone, playing over the sound of clapping and a fast drumbeat. She side-stepped back and forth to the rhythm, and Byakuya lasted until the first few lines of Swedish auto tuned singing.

“Turn that off,” snapped Byakuya. “It’s not helping me think. It’s giving me a headache instead.”

With a pout, Komaru switched it off.

“Perhaps we should visit the location,” said Kyouko.

Touko’s brow creased. “Won’t it be dark?”

“Don’t worry, Touko-chan, our phones can provide you with light,” Komaru assured her, patting Touko on the shoulder.

They set off, departing from the old theatre and winding through corridors toward the plaza. Byakuya stayed silent, lagging behind most of the others slightly. Only Touko seemed to take note of this, and though she didn’t speak to him, she hovered further back than him, and he could feel her eyes on the back of his neck like flies crawling against his skin.

As they drew closer, he concluded that they wished so desperately to discover the source of his smile because they planned to use it against him. Perhaps they intended to humiliate him, or blackmail or manipulate him. But they were his friends, weren’t they? Surely they didn’t plan on using what they learned against him?

Yet... if that wasn’t the case, then why?

The plaza was no longer the picturesque location it once was. It couldn’t have been in a brochure promoting the academy, like the photograph in the album. Weeds grew between upturned slabs, gnarled fingers reaching toward the sky. Nearby, the rubble corpse of the fountain didn’t spout water, dry as sun bleached bone. They all stood silently for a while, observing their surroundings. There were no benches to sit on.

“It sure has changed a lot,” said Yasuhiro.

“It’ll do. Hagakure, bend over on all fours.” Aoi pointed at her feet. “You will play the part of the bench.”

Yasuhiro balked. “Why me? You’re stronger.”

Her stare didn’t relent. He managed a few more seconds before he dropped to his knees and planted his hands in front of himself. Once he was in position, Aoi turned to Byakuya expectantly.

“I am not sitting on him,” said Byakuya flatly.

“Please, Togami-san!” Komaru pleaded, shaking her phone in both hands. Light from the screen danced across her face and when her hands stilled, so did the glow. It seeped into her skin, accentuating the crinkle between her eyebrows and the stare from her eyes that pulled, pulled, pulled at Byakuya until he snapped.

“Why are you all making a big deal of this?” Byakuya asked not only Komaru, but all of them. He flung up a hand. “There is a photograph of me smiling. That’s it. It concerns me that you’re so obsessed with finding out what caused me to smile.”

His question clenched them in its jaws, burning the air with acid. He waited for one of them to answer. For Touko to do more than fidget, and Komaru to stop chewing her lip. Finally, the pressure squeezed out a response from Makoto.

“You’re our friend,” said Makoto. “You’re usually so serious, and you rarely ever seem happy. We thought if we could find out what made you that happy back then...”

“... we could bring that happiness back to you now,” finished Touko, curling her fingers into her palms. Byakuya tensed.

That explanation had never occurred to him. For most of his life, he had been forced to be on the defensive, to anticipate betrayals and attacks from anyone. Then again, for most of his life, he hadn’t been acquainted with people like this. Friends. He grimaced, staring at Touko for several long seconds before averting his gaze and pushing up his glasses.

“Nuisances...” But he seated himself on Yasuhiro’s back, setting his feet firmly on the ground.

Byakuya tried to imagine the sky was a pool of water, not ink, and that he was on a bench, and that water streamed from a fountain behind him. However, the air remained as dry and dark as his mouth, and no matter how often his mind mended the slabs of the plaza, they would crack and decay within moments.

“Anything?” said Touko, wringing her hands.

He folded his arms over his chest.

“No,” said Byakuya. A collective sigh spread, though Makoto was soon grinning again.

“I guess we’ll have to keep trying to make you happy.”

Byakuya clicked his tongue, but his lips twitched outward and he quickly hid it behind his hand. Nuisances.

“Does this mean you can stand up now?” Yasuhiro asked from beneath Byakuya.

Aoi stretched her arms upward, arching her back, and yawned. “We ought to call it a day. It’s getting late.”

While the others headed toward the dormitory building that they were currently living in. Byakuya stayed where he was. Their footsteps faded, the glow of their phones shrinking into five pinpricks of light before disappearing completely. Despite his friends’ efforts, they had failed to uncover the story of the photograph. Now that he knew their motives hadn’t been nefarious, he could appreciate their attempts and found himself wondering what had happened all those years ago.

“It’s a shame we don’t know what made you so happy back then,” said Touko next to him, echoing his thoughts. She hadn’t retired for the night with the others. He glanced at her, meeting her gaze. Her phone shone a light against her wistful expression.

“I suppose so,” he said in a casual tone.

“With many of my memories, I don’t recall exact details, but they evoke certain feelings.”

His eyebrows rose a fraction in interest. “Oh?”

“Yes. For example, standing here... is stirring some emotion in me. I think I have a memory associated with this place too.”

Byakuya turned his whole body to face her.

“What emotion?” he asked.

She didn’t answer right away, as if letting the thought sit on her tongue, tasting it.

“Warmth,” she said. “Like the warmth I feel when I’m with you. Perhaps I will never remember what happened to give me that feeling. B-But... I have many other precious memories... and I can work on creating more with you, Byakuya-sama.”

Her lips twisted into a smile. Meanwhile, his insides twisted, much like they did whenever she referred to him in a romantic manner. He had been experiencing the sensation more frequently around her lately. Sometimes, all she had to do was meet his gaze or brush against him, and his stomach would coil like she had pressed her lips against his.

“Byakuya-sama?” Touko’s voice broke into his thoughts. “A-Are you feeling all right?”

He did not want to think what about his face had made her ask that all of a sudden.

“I’m fine,” he said, and he adjusted his glasses. “We’ve dawdled here for long enough. Let’s return to the dormitories.”

“Together?” blurted Touko. Without a word, Byakuya strode away, and she darted after him, keeping abreast. “Are you going straight to sleep when you arrive back?”

His eyes stayed forward.

“No. I will have some tea and read first,” he replied.

“What do you plan on reading?”

“Out by Natsuo Kirino,” he said. Her head jerked back.

“I r-recently finished that!”

“I know. After seeing you reading it, I thought I would give it a try. I was more interested when I learned that it’s not a romance, but a crime novel.”

“I specialise in romance, but I read for a variety of genres,” she said. “I can recommend some more books i-if you want. Have you read The Inugami Clan? You may find the start slow, but I think you will enjoy the cast and the premise...”

He listened as they walked back together. The more she spoke, the more passionate she became, and he couldn’t help looking at her as she lit up, waving her arms around.

A smile poked at the corners of his lips, and he finally felt a sense of déjà vu.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Delight in Misery (ao3) - part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

- Chapter 8: Interlude -

Author note: This chapter is an interlude that contains JC/LWJ adult content. It can be skipped without impacting the remainder of the story.

-

“This is an idea so stupid that I can’t believe Wei Wuxian wasn’t that one to think of it,” Jiang Cheng said.

Lan Wangji didn’t disagree. If either of them had any sense whatsoever, they’d call off this whole idea before it was too late and they did something that permanently damaged the delicate balance of the life they’d built together forever – and they had, somehow, built a life together, cobbled together out of convenience and tragedy and the fact that no one else in this rotten world would understand what it was to miss someone like Wei Wuxian.

It was utter recklessness to throw it away for – what? Indulging some curiosity? Killing some time out of boredom, now that the Lotus Pier had finally quieted down enough for Jiang Cheng to no longer need to work from sunrise until sunset? Now that Lan Wangji didn’t have to hide himself away at all hours, afraid that someone would see him coming and going?

“You don’t even like me like that,” Jiang Cheng complained mutinously, and glared when Lan Wangji nodded in confirmation. “Wow. Thanks a lot.”

“We don’t have to proceed,” Lan Wangji pointed out.

“No, we’re doing this,” Jiang Cheng said at once, because he was contrary down to the last inch of him. “Take off your clothing already. No matter what the Lan sect may think, there are circumstances that call for not wearing four layers of clothing, and sex is definitely one of them.”

Because that was what they were apparently doing.

This was all Mo Xuanyu’s fault for leaving his books lying around – Jiang Cheng had finally succumbed to pressure and ordered his steward to get some for him – and in particular a spring book with pictures that went beyond the merely suggestive into the explicit. Jiang Cheng had picked it up while neatening up the room and gawked for enough time to make a cup of tea; when Lan Wangji had politely asked if he’d perhaps been abruptly struck blind by the contents and, if so, if there was any medicine he would like Lan Wangji to fetch for him, Jiang Cheng had instead turned to him and said, very frankly, “This cannot be a thing people actually do.”

Lan Wangji had, with great patience and an expression of intense suffering, held out his hands for the book.

The years following his awkward initial interaction with Wei Wuxian – the discovery of his own inclinations, the confirmation that they were irrevocably set in that way, his eventual acceptance of that fact – had led him to explore the more idiosyncratic portions of the Lan library. He was no longer the boy that had spluttered and cursed when tricked into looking at some (fairly run of the mill, in retrospect) pornography.

“Mm,” he’d said after a brief examination. “Real.”

“Impossible. Why would anyone -?”

Lan Wangji hadn’t bothered to dignify that with a response.

“It can’t possibly feel good,” Jiang Cheng had protested.

Lan Wangji had graced him with a pitying look. He hadn’t experienced the act in question with another person, of course, but his older brother had been perhaps unduly interested in ensuring that Lan Wangji had access to anything he might need to assuage his curiosity regarding his unorthodox affections, and, well, the Lan sect did always value a thorough approach to learning.

In other words, he’d read a lot.

It might have been left at that, a casual conversation between friends, except that Lan Wangji must have been suddenly possessed by the spirit of Wei Wuxian because he felt compelled to add, “Not that you would ever have a chance to find out.”

And that, of course, was that; once Jiang Cheng’s competitive instincts were awakened, there was absolutely nothing for it but a test to determine who was right.

Little details as to whether or not Jiang Cheng was even attracted to men enough for the question even to matter were dismissed as irrelevant.

And that was how they’d ended up here. About to go to bed. Together.

Though – perhaps that wasn’t exactly how it had started.

Perhaps it had started earlier, when Jiang Cheng had started helping Lan Wangji with those very particular physical reactions he’d had during the period he’d been too weak to do it himself, or perhaps when he’d continued to help him with it long after the trauma of it was no longer so near as to make it impossible for him to use his hands on himself.

Perhaps Lan Wangji should have been the one to stop that – the one to say no, no more, it’s unnecessary, thank you. But in those years of seclusion he had seen so few people, and seen Jiang Cheng most of all; he hadn’t quite been able to give up the desire for the touch of a human hand against his skin. To give up the intimacy of the act, for all that Jiang Cheng routinely brought him to completion as casually as if he were merely rebandaging his wounds, was simply impossible. Nothing could detract from the satisfaction he obtained, even if Jiang Cheng often spent the time talking about something else entirely, complaining about his day or a particularly irritating set of paperwork.

(There was a period in which Lan Wangji had briefly started to develop unsavory connections to the subject of dam rebuilding – luckily the dam project had ended before it had become a real problem.)

At minimum Lan Wangji should have put a stop to it once he was no longer secluded: when he had Lan Xichen’s embraces, gentle nudges from visiting Lan disciples, all the regular physical contact he had grown up with, and now all the casual affection that passed between Jiang sect disciples, of which he was considered an honorary member…it was more than enough to satisfy any skin hunger that might have been compelling him to continue with that inappropriate behavior that neither of them saw as important enough to name.

It had become a habit by then, though, a part of the routine, and the Lan sect thrived on routine.

“You have to remove yours as well,” he reminded Jiang Cheng, folding his clothing up neatly. If they had been lovers, perhaps Jiang Cheng would have been staring at him at this moment – perhaps he would have been tracing Lan Wangji’s body with his eyes, hunger and anticipation on his features – but they weren’t lovers. They were just friends, and that was why Jiang Cheng was fighting to get his shoe off (it had grown too small after too many washings and was starting to fall apart but he inexplicably refused to get new ones) instead of examining a body he’d seen naked a thousand times already during Lan Wangji’s slow recovery. “Do you –”

“If you offer to assist me, I will punch you,” Jiang Cheng threatened, and finally got the shoe off. “And if I hear one word about me needing to replace it –”

“You do.”

“It’s fine. It does the job! What else do you want from a shoe, damnit?” The other shoe was removed. “Leave me alone. I don’t need your help.”

The rest of his clothing came afterwards, tossed casually onto a chair, and Lan Wangji watched out of lack of anything better to do. In the years that had passed he had also seen Jiang Cheng’s body many times, an inevitable result of living across from each other in a place as hot as Yunmeng. Jiang Cheng was undeniably beautiful, all long lines and slender, his flesh marred by the discipline whip as Lan Wangji’s own had been, although in much lower quantity.

No, Lan Wangji concluded. This would not be the problem he had almost been concerned that it would be. For all that Lan Wangji’s heart belonged to Wei Wuxian and always would, his body had no objection to the idea of trying out something new.

“I assume at least some help is not unwelcome,” Lan Wangji said dryly, standing and walking over to put his hand on Jiang Cheng’s cock. At Jiang Cheng’s mild exclamation, Lan Wangji arched his eyebrows. “You can’t even do this? I may have overestimated your bravery.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jiang Cheng said, although he was clearly flustered; he reached out to assist Lan Wangji in the same manner. His palm was callused and warm, as always; Lan Wangji’s cock stirred at once at the familiar stimulus. “It’s been a while since it was someone else, that’s all.”

“You’ve had experience?”

“There’s no need to sound so skeptical about it. I was a teenager once too, you know; Wei Wuxian and I – hey, watch it!”

Lan Wangji relaxed his grip apologetically. “You did for Wei Ying as you do for me?” he asked, and didn’t even care when Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes at his obvious and immediate fascination. It was a good thing that neither of them had any illusions about Wei Wuxian’s role in their friendship, the ghost of him that hung over it all; if they pretended otherwise, they might have hurt each other. “How did he..?”

“You’re not seriously asking me that question,” Jiang Cheng said, but of course Lan Wangji was.

Jiang Cheng glared at him, but Lan Wangji was patient, and as with all things relating to Jiang Cheng, his patience was rewarded.

“You’re a little more direct,” Jiang Cheng finally said, rolling his eyes once again to demonstrate how ridiculous he thought Lan Wangji was being. “You like long strokes, like this, very purposeful – his preference was a bit more playful. A bit of teasing around the head, like this, and then a bit with the thumb…listen, if you’re going to turn that shade of red this quickly, we’re going to have to call this whole idea off.”

“I can do more than once.”

“I’ll give you the whole rundown another time, you pervert,” Jiang Cheng promised, and Lan Wangji’s cock twitched at the thought of it. “Can we please focus on proving you horribly wrong already?”

“I’m not wrong.”

“So you say.”

Lan Wangji rolled his eyes and resumed moving his hand on Jiang Cheng’s cock. It felt nice in his hand, filling out as he stroked it. “Why?” he asked after a moment.

“Why what? Why did Wei Wuxian and I get each other off?”

“En.”

“We were young and stupid, obviously,” Jiang Cheng said. “He was my shixiong. We shared everything, figured everything out together…it wasn’t that weird, okay? It was just lending a friendly hand. Literally.”

Lan Wangji could imagine it. The scene sprang up fully formed in his eyes: Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian as he remembered them from the Cloud Recesses, cheeks still a little fat with youth and glistening from perspiration from the humid Yunmeng air, sitting together side-by-side on a bed with their hands in each other’s laps. Perhaps even the bed he slept in now, or Jiang Cheng’s. And perhaps even back then Jiang Cheng liked to talk of other things while he was performing the chore – his lessons, perhaps.

Perhaps they’d even done it for each other while they’d been at the Cloud Recesses…

“Did you do anything more?” he asked, licking suddenly dry lips.

Jiang Cheng blinked at him. “Like what?”

Perhaps it was petty to use their conversation as an excuse to step forward into Jiang Cheng’s personal space, to use his free hand to rub up and down his chest and tweak his nipples, to use teeth and tongue liberally on his neck, on his shoulder, his collarbone, until Jiang Cheng’s knees had grown so weak from surprise and pleasure that Lan Wangji had to loop his arm around his waist to help support him –

But if there was one thing Jiang Cheng had taught him in all these years, it was that there were times when being petty was the best possible option.

“Can I use my mouth on you?” he asked, and took the incoherent spluttering and vague hand-waving he received as a yes. “Sit down on the bed and lean back.”

Jiang Cheng obeyed without a single complaint, which Lan Wangji accepted as the compliment it was.

“I think I can definitively say no, just so you know,” he observed as Lan Wangji lowered himself down to his knees. “I did not do anything like this with Wei Wuxian.”

“Did you ever want to?” Lan Wangji asked, mildly curious, and then he leaned down and put his mouth on Jiang Cheng’s cock.

“Am I supposed to be having a conversation with you about this?” Jiang Cheng demanded, thrashing underneath his ministrations. Lan Wangji had to hold his hips down with his hands, using a little force. “Now?”

Lan Wangji purposefully stopped moving.

“You are a piece of shit, you know that?” Fingers made their way into Lan Wangji’s hair, careful to avoid his forehead ribbon as they lightly tugged – hmm, that was rather nice, actually. Lan Wangji mentally noted down the preference. “Fine. Ugh. No, I didn’t. It wasn’t like that. It really did just start out innocent, you know. Us being boys and all, measuring the difference in size and all –”

Jiang Cheng paused and rolled his eyes down at Lan Wangji, who had perhaps overly demonstrated his interested in hearing more.

“– yes, you obsessed stalker, I’m getting there. He was longer, I was wider; we called it a tie. Later on, we got drunk and started talking about how we were both worried that we were doing it wrong, except, you know, that would have been way too embarrassing…you know how we were. It turned into a dumb sort of competition about who could do it better, which one of us was the one doing it wrong, who was doing it right – we got into a lot of stupid contests like that.”

A brief pause.

“Don’t say that I’m stating the obvious.”

Lan Wangji’s mouth was full, which was probably the only reason he wasn’t. He really had lost all sense of self-control when it came to deliberately irritating Jiang Cheng, and he wasn’t sure when that had happened. His uncle would be disappointed in him again.

Good.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Jiang Cheng muttered. He’d gotten into the groove of things, his hips rocking slightly as Lan Wangji sucked him, careful not to go too far or too fast for fear of making Lan Wangji gag again – though to be fair, that had been mostly Lan Wangji’s fault for being overly ambitious in trying to take him in too deep that time. The real thing really wasn’t anything like the jade pillar he’d practiced on. “This is ridiculous. You’d better never expect me to do this for you. No way.”

Lan Wangji didn’t bother responding.

“I mean, I guess if my hands were broken. It’s not like I couldn’t do it. I’ve put worse things in my mouth, over the years.”

No response was necessary. Jiang Cheng’s complex about needing to be the best at everything – or at least skilled enough to be respected – was truly a fearsome thing.

Though speaking of which...

Lan Wangji reached with one hand to pull over the small packet of thickened, scented oil that he’d obtained long ago, dipping his fingers into it and working one finger, then another, into Jiang Cheng.

“How do you even think of these things?” Jiang Cheng complained, because he wouldn’t be Jiang Cheng if he didn’t complain. “You must have done nothing but read spring books day and night – hey, wait! What are you doing? I’m going to be the one on top! Not you!”

Lan Wangji hummed and removed his mouth – Jiang Cheng whined in complaint – and then lifted one of Jiang Cheng’s legs, pressing his cock against him. He didn’t get a fist in the face, even when he rocked back and forth teasingly, his cock sliding right up to Jiang Cheng’s slicked-up entrance and then away.

“…just go ahead and do it already!”

Lan Wangji’s analytical mind temporarily blanked out when he pushed inside. It was hot and tight around him, squeezing him – it felt good. Very good.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng said. His voice was a little unstable, almost breathy. “Fuck.”

“If you insist,” Lan Wangji said, and began moving his hips before Jiang Cheng could correct him. Jiang Cheng grunted as if the sound had been punched out of him. Fucked out of him. “How is it?”

“Why are you asking me, don’t you already – Lan Wangji. You said the picture in the book was realistic.”

Lan Wangji hummed in agreement.

“I assumed that meant you’d done it before.”

That seemed like a Jiang Cheng problem.

“Lan Wangji! Are you saying you don’t know what you’re doing?!”

“I’ve read a lot of spring books,” Lan Wangji said dryly, and started to really put his back into it, long thrusts that felt fantastic to him and from the looks of it not all that bad to Jiang Cheng, either. After a few thrusts, he apparently hit the place described in the books, if he were judging by Jiang Cheng’s sudden moans and a notable increasing in generalized cursing, as opposed to cursing his name in specific.

Lan Wangji finished first, which increased the amount of cursing by a significant degree.

“I can’t believe you –!”

“Would you like to finish in my mouth?”

“It is,” Jiang Cheng hissed at him, “the very least you could do!”

Jiang Cheng was much less polite this time as he fucked his way into Lan Wangji’s mouth, his hands firmly gripping Lan Wangji’s hair and pulling him into place, forcing his way deeper with brutal snaps of his hips.

Despite having recently been wrung dry, Lan Wangji’s cock did its best to give an interested twitch, and Lan Wangji noted that down as well. Perhaps next time he should encourage Jiang Cheng to be the one on top, to see if he would enjoy the sensation more if it was someone else doing the fucking rather than a toy carved out of jade. After all, Jiang Cheng had certainly responded well enough to it.

Lan Wangji was moderately sure there would be another time. Jiang Cheng was not a man motivated by sex – remarkably so, in fact. If anything, he seemed to view physical pleasure, even at his own hand, as a perfectly decent activity, but nothing worth kicking up a fuss over, little different from a massage or a round of acupuncture; neither something especially desirable nor repulsive. As Jiang Cheng himself had admitted, he hadn’t experienced the touch of another since his youthful experimentation with Wei Wuxian, even though Lan Wangji was well aware that he’d received plenty of offers from all types of types of people over the years, and yet the lack hadn’t seemed to bother him.

If not for Lan Wangji, he probably would have continued on with his life without thinking about it any further, either, except perhaps in the theoretical box in his mind that he’d earmarked for having a wife, which he seemed to want only because everyone was expected to want a wife.

That competitive streak again.

But he did have Lan Wangji, who was not naturally inclined towards abstinence, and now that they’d opened the door to having a friendship that included certain additional benefits, he had no intention of shutting that door absent any indication from Jiang Cheng that it no longer suited him.

After all, Jiang Cheng might yet have a wife one day, assuming a patient enough marvel could be found – but Lan Wangji was a Lan, born and bred true, and he would only have one love in his life; he had fallen long ago, chosen long ago. Wei Wuxian was gone, and he would never regret it, nor love another. It had been living with Jiang Cheng, being friends with him, that had taught him to remember joy; what was this, then, but more of the same?

Of course, that was assuming that Jiang Cheng would agree in the future to sate Lan Wangji’s rather prodigious appetites with more than just his hand. He might not. After all, it really wasn’t his area of interest –

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng abruptly said.

Lan Wangji, who was fetching a wet cloth, turned to look at him.

Jiang Cheng was propped up on his elbows, scowling bitterly. “You know what,” he said. “We didn’t even manage to do the right position! The one in the spring book was more – more twisty – you know – with the leg up in the air like that –”

“…mm,” Lan Wangji said. “We’ll do better next time.”

“You’re smirking,” Jiang Cheng said suspiciously. “Why are you smirking? What are you up to?!”

“Nothing,” Lan Wangji said peaceably, putting down the cloth and picking up the oil. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right! I’m – I’m not usually right. Or at least, you don’t normally admit it when I’m right. What am I right about?”

“Did it wrong,” Lan Wangji said, and settled down again. “Need to try again.”

“Try – wait, now? Already?! You can’t be serious!”

Lan Wangji started rearranging limbs. “You’re already prepared,” he pointed out. “‘Avoid needless waste.’”

“Don’t you quote your Lan sect rules at me, Lan Wangji! You’re inhuman! You’re – ah!”

He’d slid right in that time, Lan Wangji observed, all at once in a single smooth slide that made Jiang Cheng moan and his cock start to fill up again; the ease of it must be due to how relaxed Jiang Cheng’s body was after he’d come, and the slickness of both the oil left behind and the new amount he’d added. Definitely a different experience from the previous time, but equally enjoyable.

Well, as he’d said before – the Lan sect always did value a thorough approach to learning.

[touyasnow]

horikoshi continues the most worthless plot points and develops the worst characters (the WRONG WAY) instead of going into the actually good concepts he initially introduced and its so aggravating.

it just genuinely feels like he has no clue where he wants to take the series, because he immediately goes to conflict everything he says. he’s not even maximizing the use of his characters or writing a compelling storyline — it’s just all going so downhill and it’s hard to say you like the series when it’s really only a few characters and maybe an arc or two. 

i really just don’t understand horikoshi’s obsession with redeeming the most annoying characters especially. or rather i should say the most irredeemable characters. and that’s not me saying i think any of the league need a “redemption” cuz... they’re right so what do they need to be redeemed for lmao?

but it feels like he doesn’t even understand his own characters and i’m not saying that to sound cocky as if i get them more than he does since he’s the original creator but i literally do get them better.

there’s no way that overhaul feels any remorse whatsoever for what he did to eri. i haven’t read the chapters exact, but from what i’m understanding deku interprets their interaction as him seeking forgiveness for what he’s done or whatever. 

i think a more valid interpretation would be him reflecting on his own faults that led to the loss of his quirk and his imprisonment. i could definitely see him regretting losing eri because of that, but spinning the story as to him regretting experimenting and basically torturing a six year old is such a half-assed take. 

the reason this characterization is inconsistent starts literally from the start. overhaul was the one to bring up the plan with eri, and he even faced pushback from pops on it. if he genuinely saw anything wrong with what he was doing, pops, out of anyone, would have been able to help him recognize that. that was his closest relationship and he says himself that the only reason he’s doing this is out of gratitude for pops adopting him.

but even his adopted father isn’t able to convince him — in fact, he’s so set on this that he puts pops into a coma for trying to stop him. so where’s the logic at all in making him feel remorse for what he did to eri? he even went as far as to take out of his pops to carry out his plan. 

there’s no way deku suddenly opened his eyes to feeling bad. the only consistent option here is that horikoshi wants to add to his list of irredeemable characters that he wants to redeem. 

i just don’t understand it. overhaul’s a perfect example of a good villain. he was very well written up to this point, and this shift is literally butchering all of that. 

and again, it’s just so very inconsistent. for one, deku is supposed to be the most compassionate character in the series, and yet all of it is spent on abusers, who are nothing like him? i hate it sm. 

the other thing is that storywise, arcs are meant to progress the story, no? and yet, every step that horikoshi takes is another one backwards. 

if the goal is for deku to become the number one hero, how is he supposed to do that in the current state of hero society successfully? i’m not even mad fr about him dropping out of school — i think this plot point could’ve worked GREAT! if only it were started earlier,  — but the fact that horikoshi has made it abundantly clear that he has no interest in actually doing something about the rampant corruption ongoing in hero society screws it all up.

every character that he writes hoping to change things, whether through force or not, is either out of commission or discredited. in the current state of hero society, following this plotline, deku cannot be the number one hero. by the standards horikoshi has set, deku is essentially a villain. and yet, because he’s the protagonist, none of this will even be addressed. instead, horikoshi will simply conflict it later, uncaring that one of his main plot points has been utterly destroyed just by his indecisiveness regarding whose side he’s on.

and this is what i mean by saying that horikoshi has no clue what he’s doing. of course you can argue that he’s put way too much on his plate (this is true! he has introduced too many plots to know what to do with them all), but he’s gone beyond just neglecting a select few. he’s butchering his own story, and at this point, all of his characters are just throwaways. 

[thatgamefromthatad]

Seen these ads? (Obey Me! Review)

This is a visual novel/otome/gacha card RPG game with the same characters and themes as featured in the ads.

As stated in many of the ads this game centers around seven demon brother love interests (as well as some other potential love interests) although the game has a lot of plot elements other than just romance. Most of the ads that I’ve seen feature real art that appears in the game one way or another, and the ads tend to be focused more on the characters and theme in general rather than specific gameplay. Of the ads that do appear to show gameplay, most of the time it’s not really what you’ll see in the game but still follows fairly close to the actual game (for example, the “kiss, free, whip” ad on the top left doesn’t show real gameplay, but you can kiss or whip that character. But that specific art comes from a gacha card I believe and isn’t what you see when you do the kissing and whipping).

A few notes before I get into the full review:

I’m a lesbian, so I’m definitely not the target audience for this game, but I always try to be objective and open-minded when playing any game I’m not the target audience for (other examples I’ve reviewed in the past are Moments, which was also primarily targeted toward women who are attracted to men, Immortal Taoists, which involved a genre I had never heard of before and really had no interest in, Time Princess, which also wasn’t my favorite genre but was still a great game, and various Genius Inc. visual novels, which are targeted more toward high-school age boys as far as I can tell).

Speaking of lesbians, this game weirdly censors the word “lesbians” but not any other LGBTQ+ terms (that don’t include the word “sexual”) as far as I can tell; I decided it was enough of a one-off thing that it wouldn’t factor a huge amount in my overall review of the game, but I think it’s still something to take note of and not let off the hook since it definitely shows bias and can be offensive to players.

This game is rated 12+ on the Apple App Store, and I was pretty harsh on Crush Crush for being rated that way because I thought it crossed the line with some of its sexually suggestive content. I kept that in mind while playing this one, and personally I don’t think it crossed the line in the same way, at least not from what I’ve played so far; although it does have sexually suggestive content (most often when interacting with the character Asmodeus, who is literally known in the game as the “Avatar of Lust”), it’s much more occasional through tidbits of dialog as opposed to in Crush Crush where it involved a whole section of the game and was more interactive in nature. I would definitely still cringe at the thought of a 12-year-old reading some of this dialog, but I think it fits fairly within the App Store descriptors of “Infrequent/Mild Sexual Content and Nudity” and “Infrequent/Mild Mature/Suggestive Themes.”

Last note - there is a character in this game (Luke) who has the appearance and demeanor of a small child who you can interact with in a similar way to the other love interest characters, which concerned me for obvious reasons. I looked more into this, specifically reading into all of the different dialog options involving this character, and his responses never seem to be more than platonic, which is good. He still blushes when you give him gifts and stuff, which is kind of awkward, and it seems weird to throw a kid character into an otome game, but all considered I wouldn’t say the game is promoting anything inappropriate (unlike one of the Genius VNs that clearly involved relationships between an adult and minors).

Sorry I know that’s a lot of notes and disclaimers but I just wanted to that all out of the way as general concerns anyone might have trying this game or reading this review!

Without further ado, read my full review below:

***

***

***

(I’m trying a new color-coding system to help highlight some of the main points of my review if you don’t want to read my entire essay word-for-word lol. Pink is a positive aspect of the game, red is a negative aspect/criticism and purple is not necessarily positive or negative but just something I wanted to highlight.)

😈 Is the game actually fun? Yes! Just in terms of production value, this game is top notch: the art and character designs are very appealing, the transitions between characters’ poses and facial expressions during VN scenes are actually animated (which looks much smoother and more natural than switching between still images), the voice acting is great (although the VN scenes aren’t fully voice acted, some parts like phone calls are and the characters say different phrases during scenes and battles as well)(Note: all the voice acting is Japanese), and the music is FANTASTIC and perfectly sets the vibe throughout the game.

The best parts of this game in my opinion are the different personalities of the characters and the overall plot; although some of the characters’ personalities can be a bit one-note at times (for example, one character’s entire personality that I’ve seen so far is that he likes to eat and is always hungry), the characters each have their own charm and play off each other well. I found myself getting invested in each of the characters’ desires and goals throughout the story, even the characters I didn’t particularly like. The story is also chock full of humor which is always fun, and the whole world and backstory built around this game (the “Devildom” setting and the idea of an exchange student program with angels, humans and demons) are also unique and impressive.

I really enjoyed the multiple modes of storytelling i.e. how the VN chapters are supplemented with text messages and phone calls from characters and an Instagram spoof with additional side stories to unlock. I know this isn’t a new thing in mobile games (even Gardenscapes and Homescapes do it to an extent lol) but add the compelling characters and overall production value on top and it’s a really enjoyable experience. Since the home screen of the game is set up like it’s your phone, with the different parts of the game represented as “apps,” the game kind of creates a feeling like you’re really living in this world with these characters where you can freely scroll through their Instagram feeds and check the messages you get from them on your own time. The shop where you can buy items and premium currency is called Akuzon (an Amazon spoof) and the place where all your gacha cards are is called “contacts,” which further adds to the immersive effect.

The “dating” part of the game is pretty cute although I haven’t gotten super far so I’m not sure of the full scope of the romantic interactions. From what I can tell, in addition to the dialog, blushy faces and bedroom eyes you get from characters when you give them gifts and touch different parts of their body (above the belt lol), when you raise your intimacy level with them you get additional phone calls and messages from them (I haven’t played a lot of otome games but I think that’s how a lot of them go). I wasn’t that invested in this part of the game but I think there’s some strategy that goes with using the right combination of gifts and touches to maximize intimacy boosts and get certain dialog, which adds a whole other aspect of gameplay in addition to the main game. I also noticed that occasionally your choices throughout the VN chapters will give you a small intimacy boost with a certain character; I kind of wish this was even more integrated since most of the time I felt like no matter what I chose it didn’t make any difference in my relationship with characters. Also, I don’t think there’s a way to “officially” date a specific character, it’s more about raising the intimacy level to earn more interactions but it doesn’t actually affect the main plot.

As far as the main mode of progressing through the game, which is winning “dance battles” with teams from your gacha collection, this part of the game has its own positive qualities such as the cute chibi forms of the characters that appear on screen and the fact that some of the special attacks show a little anime clip of the character (of course it’s less exciting when you see the same clip every battle but I still thought it was a nice touch). I was a little disappointed that there wasn’t a rhythm aspect as the “dance battle” name would imply, and your main interaction during the battle itself is basically just tapping hearts that pop up and tapping the characters when their attacks are ready, but you also have the option to skip that whole interactive sequence and just get a result based on your team’s stats, so there’s not much to complain about there (especially since the battles are sort of a side note compared to the storytelling aspect of the game despite being the main element of RPG-based gameplay that allows you to progress). If you are interested in the RPG aspects, there’s plenty of that to work with (building teams, balancing attributes, managing resources/rewards to level up cards and progress through skill trees of sorts, all that good stuff) although you’re limited to an extent by how difficult it is to get a lot of gacha draws without paying real money. It’s even harder to be able to focus on both strategy and character relationships while playing for free when the same scarce currency is used for both gacha draws and gifts.

👿 Is this a free game or a “free game”? Despite what I just said, I would still consider it a free game - you can gradually save up some of premium currency the game gives out through tasks in order to pay for more gacha draws and other items, and as far as I can tell you can access the main story and the other parts of the game without hitting a paywall. I only got to the fourth chapter so far though so don’t take this assessment as gospel. Like with a lot of other freemium games you might feel pressured to pay (especially when you run out of gifts to give your lover boys, which was the biggest downer for me, or if you’re obsessed with wanting to collect a lot of cards or get a specific card) but since you don’t actually need to pay to progress I still consider it free.

There’s also an energy system where you hit a wall and have to wait if you run out, but I never ran out because of the huge amount of energy the game dumps on you when you first start, and it seems like there are a bunch of other ways to get extra energy as well. There also aren’t pop-up or watch-to-earn ads in this game that I saw.

💀 Features

Main visual novel scenes and storyline (the visual novel scenes come between dance battle stages and there are a few short side routes that branch off but still one main route as far as I can tell, I don’t think your dialog choices really make a different except for in how the characters react to you immediately afterward. Still the main storyline in itself is fun to follow and it’s fun to get different reactions out of the characters based on what you say)

Dance battles (I’m not fully knowledgeable about the minutia of the RPG system at play here but in general the outcome of the battle will depend on the level, rank and attributes of your cards compared against the difficulty and attributes of the stage you’re playing. There also “memory cards” that can be assigned to support your team and expendable temporary boosters called “glow sticks” that boost your stats for one battle. During the battle itself you tap hearts that appear to earn extra points and you can tap your characters when their power is charged up to “attack” your opponent and use special skills. There are guides online that go deeper into stats and strategies and such if you’re interested. Different stages have different rewards for completion and you can quick complete levels you’ve already beaten to mine resources you need)

Gacha mechanic and cards (the gacha area of this game is called “Nightmare” and there are a few different pools along with event pools each with their own odds and sets of cards you can get. For the default pools you get free draws periodically and I believe you get one free draw for each event pool IIRC. You also get a bunch of vouchers for draws when you first start the game which got me handful of SSRs and a couple URs to build a couple of solid teams right off the bat. In addition to drawing directly from gacha pools you can get some cards by collecting card pieces as rewards from stages and events until you have enough to get the actual card. Each card has its own set of stats/attributes, can be leveled up and has a skill tree of sorts that can be progressed through with resources mined through beating stages, although it’s more of an attribute tree than a skill tree since most of the branches just add points onto one of your card’s attributes. Some cards, the rarer ones, have special skills that can be used in battle)

One-on-one characters interactions and intimacy i.e. the “dating” part (there are two ways this occurs: 1) you can set a specific character to your home screen that allows you to enter into an interaction with them, with a refresh period in between interactions 2) the main way, which is through “surprise guests” after dance battles. These surprise guests show up frequently but not always, and they’re always one of the three team members you used in battle, selected randomly. For each one-on-one interaction you can do three actions - either give a gift, touch the character or ignore the character. Sometimes the character will also offer you a high five which counts as an action if you oblige. Different characters have different favorite gifts and touching different parts of the body can get a different reaction depending on the character and your level of intimacy I believe. Your intimacy level with a character increases depending on the combination of actions you perform, and sometimes the character also gives you gifts back like more energy or resources. There are guides for this online as well)

Text messages and phone calls (text messages are the main mode of storytelling outside of the main VN scenes - you get messages from characters or multiple characters in group chats that you respond to with preset messages or stickers similar to how you make choices during the VN parts. Some of the text messages correspond with the main plot as you progress, ex. A character texts you to be in a certain place at a certain time and next VN scene is of you two meeting at that place. I think other text messages also come up when you reach certain intimacy levels with characters. There are certain group messages that you don’t respond to where you’re basically spying on a group chat among characters and just get to see what everyone’s saying. In addition to written messages and emoji stickers characters will also sometimes send pictures. Phone calls are fully voice-acted dialog you have with another character and they seem to pop up when you reach certain intimacy levels - I’ve only gotten ones so far with the two characters I have the highest intimacy with)

Instagram spoof/“Devilgram” (Devilgram is an in-game photo sharing social media app similar to Instagram and the photos on there correspond to gacha cards. When you acquire the gacha card that corresponds to a Devilgram post you unlock a side story, but you also need keys to unlock further scenes from that story, which can be gradually earned through completing tasks and such)

To Do tasks (completing tasks on your To Do is the main way to earn premium currency in the game along with other rewards and resources. There are daily tasks, overall tasks and tasks specific to each character. Examples of tasks are completing a certain stage or number of stages, beating a stage using a team that includes a certain character or reaching a certain intimacy level with a character. There are also beginner missions when you start the game that I think stay available until you complete all of them)

Events (there are sometimes side story events called “pop quizzes” and gacha events that are available for a limited time, or sometimes an event has both a corresponding pop quiz and gacha pool. The pop quizzes are separate chapters with their own dance battles and VN scenes, and the battles will come with reward points that you can spend on different prizes. Sometimes there are unique cards you can only get from an event. Other minor types of events include log-in bonus events and events where you can get special types of gifts for your love interests. There’s also a feature where you can “time-travel” back to old events at some cost but I haven’t explored this much)

Jobs (you can assign characters to passively complete jobs that earn you a small amount of non-premium currency over time and also increases your intimacy with the assigned characters by a small amount)

Customization (you can unlock avatars of different characters to use for your profile and set the name you want characters to refer to you by throughout the game. You can also change the outfit of your homescreen character, change the homescreen wallpaper and change the homescreen background music by making purchases in the Akuzon shop or acquiring certain gacha cards)

⚖️ Ad Honesty Rating: 4/5 (just from the ads I’ve seen, especially the ones that appear to be running currently, there don’t seem to be blatantly fake ads and the ads show real art and do well conveying the theme and characters in the game. However some of the ads are misleading about the actual mechanics of gameplay and may also lead you to believe there are actual romance routes with the characters which is not really the case)

⭐️ Overall Rating: 5/5 (I definitely didn’t want to give this game a great rating just because it’s super popular on Tumblr but I can definitely see why it’s so popular. There are lots of things to do, the characters are very lovable, it’s funny, the art is great, the music is great and the lore and overall vibe are compelling and unique. It’s a high-quality game with a good story and I’ll probably keep playing it)

▶️ Ad Example:

▶️ Gameplay Examples:

Dance Battles

Surprise Guest

If you got through this review bless your heart ❤️ Special thanks to @human-watching-ads-from-devildom which is where I was able to view some of the ads since I was having trouble finding them elsewhere online and viewing some of them on the Facebook ad library.

Follow me for more reviews of those free mobile games you’re always getting ads for! Thanks for reading! 🥳

[shmegmilton]

Was there anything good about Hamilton the musical? My mother brought me tickets to go to it in the Summer and I want to know if I'm going to hate all of it.

Is Hamilton bad from a musical standpoint? (Nope.)

    Oh, don’t get me wrong, Anon--when I went to see Hamilton live, I had the same thought & I THOROUGHLY enjoyed it. The set design, comedic timing, & choreography (particularly the utilization of the spinning platform) are all incredible. And the songs, of course, are mostly certifiable bops. Most of them. I would say 40 out of 45. It’s not like “Guns & Ships” or “Room Where It Happens” weren’t amazing songs on the soundtrack, but the choreography really adds to the experience, & in the case of songs like “The Reynolds Pamphlet” or “Washington on Your Side” turns it into something really funny. Don’t take your eyes off the stage for a section, honestly.

The only weak-point of the music was, to be honest, whenever Hamilton was on stage; I used to think it was just a “Lin Manuel Miranda problem” because his flow is honestly... weird. I can’t really explain it--I’m a hip-hop dancer & there’s just something wrong with it--but even the man I saw performing as Hamilton couldn’t salvage it.

I assume it’s just a product of how Lin Manuel wrote his parts in the musical, since he admits that he can’t sing (& therefore would rather not) so there’s this weird juxtaposition sometimes where his part sounds really out of place, even when all the actors in a scene are “talk-singing.” (I don’t know, chime in, does anyone else feel me on that?)

The actors are all great as well, the performances & how they work off each other & the comedic timing are all fantastic, like I said. I like a good Broadway show. As a hip hop fan as we, the use of sampling is so insane.

The songs are also partially structured using actual quotes and other things that characters were known for saying or doing, so it’s impressive, all things considered.

---

Is Hamilton Bad from a Historical (Absolutely)

The real annoyance with the Hamilton musical (& why I would assume I’d hate it) is that it’s based off a biography; “Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow”, specifically. It’s a compelling read, but an embarrassingly awful biography.

-

    It’s less of a biography on Hamilton’s life & more of a intentionally misleading fluff piece where Hamilton is painted as this heroic, selfless visionary who is wrongfully slandered, which is infuriating on its own but it’s at the expense of painting everyone else around him who slightly inconveniences or holds him accountable for his actions, as the villains.

     Some of these people ARE villains, don’t get me wrong (for example, [HERE] is a list of legitimately monstrous things Jefferson is guilty of), but none of the actual horrible things these people did ever come up, it’s all about what THEY did to Hamilton... which usually just amounts to stupid shit like... forcing “him to admit he cheated on his wife,” or “being a battered housewife begging him for help & monetary assistance,” or, (I kid you not) “his wife being too pregnant for Hamilton to have sex with, so he decided he had to cheat,” which is a legitimate argument that Chernow tries to make.

Alexander Hamilton in real life had a hairline temper & the decorum of a child; he pushed away nearly every ally in his party he had & after Washington died he essentially had no political power. None of this is brought up the play, though--or if he is, it’s brought up in a way that intentionally makes you feel bad for him. It’s gross.

The “Pro-Immigrant” Message

     LMM is the son of 1st generation immigrants, & as such decided that a “pro immigrant” message was appropriate for the play. After all, Hamilton was an immigrant, right? It’s perfect because it’s something character would believe in, right? Uh... wrong.

Hamilton was the type of immigrant to “close the door behind him,” so to speak. He worked exclusively for the bourgeois & his party (The Federalist Party) was historically anti-immigrant. 

He himself used a lot of rhetoric that is popular today among xenophobes; he didn’t like immigrants because he wanted to “preserve American culture.”  He also assumed that the French Revolution was just “meaningless rioting” with no real goal (the “Revolution”, we’re not talking about the “Reign of Terror”) and expressed no real interest in helping refugees.

(Don’t get me wrong, having a message like this obviously isn’t a bad thing, it’s just makes it tone-deaf and bizarre watching it from the perspective of someone who knows this.)

-

Aaron Burr was an Afterthought. 

     The most confusing thing about the play is how Burr is portrayed. On one hand, he is presented as the villain (he does shoot him, after all) whose opening lines of each song by essentially calling Hamilton a bunch of names. From Hamilton’s perspective, he sings about how Burr is an opportunist who doesn’t have any political beliefs (which is a [LIE], by the way.)

On the other hand, he his presented as a tragic character; he is given songs like “Wait For It” & “Dear Theodosia” to humanize him, he even almost got a tear-jerker of a song after his wife died & he’s singing a reprise to his daughter through his tears, which was ultimately cut for time... (I’ll leave it [HERE] because it’s legitimately beautiful.) These are two very conflicting ways to present a character, but after looking into it a bit more I realized...

      --it’s out of place because the sympathetic Burr portrayal was written as a an afterthought. 

By some crazy chance, LMM lived in the same complex as Antonio Burr, a distant descendant (I believe he’s a descendant of Burr’s cousin?) Antonio was adamant about defending Burr and correcting a lot of LMM’s misconceptions (because, as I said, the Chernow book paints Burr as cartoonishly evil.) So, Antonio convinced LMM to spend more time in the play humanizing Burr.

It was Antonio’s idea, not LMM’s.

This post is already pretty long so [HERE] is a post I made more in-depth about why Burr’s portrayal is super dishonest (for example, he was actually pro-immigration, whereas the play has him mocking Hamilton for it).

Overall

    TL;DR, Hamilton isn’t that bad... as long as you turn your brain off. I personally just pretend that the musical is about Burr instead of Hamilton (“his enemies destroyed his rep, America forgot him,” describes him pretty well.)

I’m sure that you will enjoy yourself, don’t let my complaining dissuade you! (God knows that the actors appreciate the ticket sales right now.)

[denimbex1986]

'When Christopher Nolan was working on the script for Oppenheimer, the filmmaker made the unusual decision of writing the screenplay in the first person, essentially depicting events from the POV of his lead character, physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer. In a behind-the-scenes sneak peek, which EW can exclusively reveal in the video above, the director explains his thinking with regard to that decision.

"In the case of this film, I wrote the script in the first person," says Nolan, whose previous credits include Inception and Interstellar. "It's the only time I've done that. It made it clear to anyone who read the script that we're on this ride with Oppenheimer."

In the same video, Cillian Murphy, who plays the role of Oppenheimer — the so-called "father of the atomic bomb" — admits to being surprised by the script's format when he began reading the screenplay.

"It took me a minute to actually comprehend," the actor says, "and then I realized, oh, that's a huge responsibility."

Later in the video, Murphy explains how Oppenheimer "sees things in sort of different dimensions. Physicists operate on a completely different level than we do, and I think sometimes it's a burden. So I was really interested in that."

The featurette contains interview material with several other cast members, including Emily Blunt, who plays Oppenheimer's wife Kitty, and Robert Downey Jr., who portrays Atomic Energy Commission chairman Lewis Strauss.

"If Chris Nolan calls you and says that he'd like to meet with you, you're like, I don't care what it is," Blunt says.

"From the second I read the script, I knew that he had a very acute vision," Downey adds of Nolan, "and if he were able to render that vision that this film would be a masterpiece."

Florence Pugh, who plays Oppenheimer's lover, Jean Tatlock, is also featured in the clip The Black Widow and Don't Worry Darling actress describes her character as "blunt, [knows] what she wants, but at no point is she ever punished for that, and especially not by Oppenheimer."

Matt Damon costars in the film as General Leslie Groves, who put Oppenheimer in charge of the Manhattan project, the scientific initiative which resulted in the creation of the atom bomb.

"I tried to familiarize myself with Groves and the history and then talk to Chris about what he needed from that part," Damon says in the video. "Groves was almost like a kindergarten teacher in some respects, because these scientists were so eccentric and not necessarily trustworthy, I mean, if you're looking from a military perspective."

"It's a profoundly moving and overwhelming experience, watching it," Murphy says of the finished film towards the end of the featurette. "You feel so compelled to watch what's happening with these people and how they're drawn into the biggest of moral dilemmas, and what they're wrestling with, all of the characters."

Nolan and Murphy previously discussed the Oppenheimer shoot for EW's 2023 Summer Preview.

"The shoot was very sort of fast and furious and efficient," the director said at the time. "Hoyte [Van Hoytema, Nolan's regular cinematographer] and myself — from the technical end — we kind of jumped back to an earlier point in both of our careers, where we had no Steadicam on set, we had no playback or monitors. We were approaching it in a very stripped-down manner which gave us a terrific energy. I think it gelled very well with the ensemble nature of the piece. Even though Oppenheimer is at the center of it, we had this incredible ensemble of actors bringing so much to the table, and we really wanted to be able to move fast, jump around, and capture anything that was going to get thrown up by that."

"Every day, you had these phenomenal actors, who are heroes of mine, coming in," Murphy said. "Every day, you were having to raise your game to work with these legends. Everybody was so unbelievably well-prepared. Every single actor, no matter what size their role or the significance of their character in history, each one of them had this massive depth of knowledge that they could draw on."'

[yourlocalcryptidwitch]

Ok so, Lore Olympus

I figured I was in a good position to evaluate the problematic web comic because I'm both someone who worships the Greek Pantheon, and someone who has been writing for 6+ years and understands media and fictional representation.

First of all, LO is a work of fiction based on what the author perceives as mythology. (As far as I know)

Second of all, for a good bit of people, it isn't mythology.

It's something we take seriously and it's kinda offensive to see the Pantheon portrayed like this. It's also a harmful depiction. Someone who doesn't know better can see this and create biases for these deities based on the creative whims of an artist.

However, as a writer, looking at it as a purely fictional piece of media, it's written really well, it has excellent plot progression and dynamic characters. Not to mention the dedication it must have taken to continuously write this for over three years. (The art style is amazing too)

So for me, I read it as fiction, knowing full well, that the Gods aren't actually like this. I'm pretty sure Ares is my patron, and I can confirm He is very different from the comic.

Does that stop me from enjoying a well crafted piece of media with a compelling story? No. Because I understand it's meant to be fiction. And anyone can enjoy it as long as they keep that in mind.

I even refer to the characters as "Fictional Apollo" or "Lore Olympus Persephone" to keep things straight in my head.

It's a good story, even if it has bad depictions.

The Disney animated film "Hercules" is a inaccurate depiction of the Gods too, but does that stop me from saying that the Hades in that film is such a mood? Nope. Because it's a fictional depiction.

So I feel that clears it up for me. If you have anything you'd like to add or have information you think I don't know, please let me know!

(If it turns out the author is writing it purely to besmirch the Gods then I will retract my statements here and go slap a b*tch, but until I hear anything like that, I stand by this statement)

Disclaimer: This is purely my opinion based on my personal experience and I'm not saying you have to think the same, if you aren't comfortable reading it because of the way it depicts those you worship, that is completely understandable, however, if you're actively discouraging people from reading it because you dislike it, please stop. Yes, educate, tell them it's not accurate, but don't prevent someone from reading a work od fiction because of your own personal reasons. I'm not saying it's not valid of you to dislike or hate something for these reasons, but not everyone feels that way. Let's just try to be peaceful and understanding. Blessed Be!