#if a woman is a surrogate and giving her baby away causes her suffering i 100% support her

[schrodingersgirlboss]

i'm against surrogacy for obvious reasons but the argument of "it's cruel to separate the mother from the baby" always rubbed me the wrong way? cause it's so similar to what i hear when there's discussion about women giving a baby up for adoption, especially in a country like mine where abortions are illegal. like is it so hard to understand that some women genuinely never had the desire to be mothers? no not even if they carry a pregnancy to term? idk if there's another reason feminists say that feel free to let me know, but so far i've only heard it in that context and it kinda bothers me

[ramithetradfem]

My prolife stance

1. If the mothers live is in danger and the baby is not viable out of the womb

If the baby is not viable then if the mom dies then the baby will die too. However, if the baby is viable then the baby should be removed and the mother should be treated.

2. If the child would not survive birth due to extreme defects

There are many defects that cause immense pain or extreme struggle for a child. Such as if they can't breathe properly, can't eat, don't have normal brain function. In these cases it's understandable that a parent would not want their child to suffer.

3. Babies conceived from assault are physical evidence of the act.

Getting rid of them only makes the case harder to prove especially with minors. I believe the woman should put them up for adoption if they do not wish to keep them and if they abort then refer to point 8

4. I'm completely against gamete donation and surrogacy and IVF.

Too many cases have come up where people are getting with their own siblings because of gamete donation. Everyone should have the right to know where they came from and many of these places don't want to give up the information of the people that donated the gametes. If someone wants to know who their biological mother is, then they should be allowed to. And with IVF many babies are needlessly aborted because they want to create as many eggs as possible. There's no point in having all of your other babies die just to produce one. It would be better to adopt. As for surrogacy It's completely and utterly not for the child. They don't care about mother and child bonds or about infant trauma. You wouldn't separate a puppy from their mother at birth yet you would separate a human being from their mother at birth and no one sees the problem with this. That baby doesn't know the surrogate isn't their "mother" yet she is the one that they look for when they are born. She is the one that they want and to remove her from that is so cruel to that child.

5. People should be allowed to get sterilized if they want

If someone wants to get sterilized then they should be allowed to. Just as with any other surgery they need to sign whatever paperwork that they need to do to show that this is the decision that they make and they need to stand on that decision. Once a person is a legal adult in their country then they should be allowed to sterilize themselves if they want to. If they regret it then that's on them.

6. Infant adoption should only occur if there are no biological family members that can take them in.

Infants adoption is already traumatic especially when many of these parents take the babies away as soon as they're born in the hospital, these children need their family members and if it's possible to have them go with family it's better for them to do that. Let's not add the fact that many of these families who are looking for babies are extremely manipulative, especially during covid, when many of them were angry that mothers were actually able to provide for their children and thus kept their babies.

7. Birth control and protection should be accessible

Banning birth control would not help mothers keep their babies. We should focus less on trying to stop people from not having children and more on promoting and helping families, especially mothers from preconception to postpartum. If someone does not wish to have children then that's fine, they should be taking the proper steps to not create a baby.

8. Deceased babies should be treated with respect regardless of if their mothers wanted them or not

If in the end a child has to be aborted then that should be treated with respect. They are not medical waste. They are not science experiments. They are babies. They are human beings and should be respected as such. They deserve to be cremated and at least have a small service for them. If you can't do that, then at least give a moment of silence. Small cremation urns like in the photo, or maybe a memorial plaque with each baby's name that can be added. They were not just a clump of cells, they were another human being and if you're going to end their life, at least respect them.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

[a-room-of-my-own]

Anonymous surrogate mother

I was an altruistic surrogate a few years ago and was abandoned by the intended parents (IPs). We were really close before and I allowed them to get close to my children. My UK surrogacy agency instilled in me that I had to be close friends with the IPs to reduce the risk of the arrangement breaking down. I regret this now, I only hope my children aren’t feeling too much of a loss from being used by the IPs.

Anonymous midwife

During my 13-year career as a midwife I witnessed many negative consequences of surrogacy for women.

The first time I encountered a surrogate mother was when I was caring for her when she was unwell in the high dependency unit. She had been commissioned by two gay men to carry a baby for them. It was her egg. There was a vast age gap between the two men and one of them died during the pregnancy. The younger one no longer wanted the baby. This young mother was then left to bring up the baby by herself. She was vulnerable, poor, and had previously been a victim of domestic abuse.

I have also been involved in the care of a young woman who was carrying a baby for a heterosexual couple who divorced. It was their egg and sperm. They no longer wanted the child. She was bullied into a termination at 22 weeks gestation.

Another horrifying story was of a mother of three children in her 30s who discovered she had a terminal condition and had to terminate the pregnancy at 20 weeks. She later died leaving three children. The surrogacy did not cause the condition but it hastened her death.

There are many other stories of trauma which I cannot share due to them being identifiable.

In my experience it is only poor and vulnerable women who choose to become surrogates. Wealthy, educated women never choose to become surrogates. If it’s only poor women, how can it truly be a choice? It is exploitation.

In the UK we are not meant to have commercial surrogacy but it is evident that we do. Women are given vast sums of money as “expenses”. When they are using their own eggs, it can only be described as human trafficking.

I have also cared for women after “successful” surrogacies. These women feel immense loss and sadness after giving birth and handing over the child. Even if it’s not their genetics the mother-foetal dyad is still powerful. Women are not microwaves. We tell pregnant women to bond with their babies in utero and to talk to them to help brain development. The babies bond with the mother as they grow. Then they are ripped away at birth. Some never see them again after the first day. It is barbaric.

Share your story

We believe that there are many women who are suffering in silence after having an unhappy, damaging or traumatic experience of ‘donating’ their eggs or being a ‘surrogate’ mother for the benefit of others. If this has happened to you and you’d like to share your story anonymously, please see our Share your surrogacy or eggsploitation story page.

[axcel-lucci]

Height bullshit.

Trafalgar law x fem! reader

Warning: reader being EXTREMELY tall like at least 8'9 in height while law is 6'5. Also, slightly ooc law cause you know... For the sake of this oneshot. Also, reader being slightly scary.

(Also, I KNOW jean Bart is huge but for this one shot, reader is a tad bit taller cuz what, do you want to b a giant compared to our beloved victim dear, law?)

"I hate being this goshdarn tall..." (Y/n) grumbled to herself as she had to duck her head on multiple branches of the trees.

"What do you mean? Being tall is cool!" Ikkaku gasped

"To you that is, look at me. How much am I fucking suffering?"

"That's right, because taller people usually gets found easily..." Jean Bart scoffed

"(Y/n)-ya, jean bart-ya" law called as the two 'giants' stared down at him

At (y/n)'s stare, however, law shivered.

No one has ever seen (y/n) looking up at anyone, literally. She never placed herself under anything taller than her, even Jean Bart is slightly smaller than her.

"(Y/n)-ya... Stop staring at me like that" law muttered

"Ah... Sorry captain" (y/n) apologized and stopped staring.

"I need you two to carry some crates up since the rest of the crew finds them oddly... Heavy" law said

The two nodded and headed off to carry said crates

While they were talking about whosh going to get specific crates at the wooden port, law looked down at both of them while standing on the deck.

'how can a normal person like (y/n) have grown as tall as 8'9?? Isn't the average height for a woman is at least 6 feet?' he thought, 'i can understand on Jean Bart cause he has some genes that are art giant... Thinking of that, I have never seen her genes... Maybe I need to get some of her DNA to run some tests regarding her genes.'

"Yes... I'll take this and you take that" Jean Bart agreed making her smile

"Okay"

....

Reading a book under a tree, law walked up to her.

Even her sitting height was as tall as him.

"(Y/n)-ya" law called making her hum and look up from her book, "do you mind if I sit next to you?"

"Oh, of course!" She answered brightly and scooted over to give him some space to sit on

He sat down and looked up at her.

From his point of view, (y/n) had shadowed dark eyes, her neutral expression could be mistaken as a scowl, and really, she's just really scary.

"Hope you don't mind but will you please stop staring?" She laughed softly without even looking at him, "it makes me self-conscious"

"Oh... Sorry" he looked away for just five minutes before looking back up

"Why do you keep staring at me like that? Do I have something in my face or something?" She asked with a small nervous laugh

"I just want to know how the fuck did you get so tall like that, do you have gigantism?" He asked

"Hmm? Oh, no... My father is just... Really tall. About ten feet... So yeah, my normal height is 8'9... It's liked the height in my genes are relatively strong no matter how tall the other DNA particles are." (Y/n) hummed

"I see... Have you always been like this?"

"No... I remember being the average height when I was 15, but then I suddenly hit a MASSIVE growth spurt and now I'm this tall" (y/n) laughed a bit

"No, like... This scary, I mean no offense but, have you always been like... That"

"Oh! Yeah... My parents said I mostly have father's everything, like from the eyes, skin tone, sometimes even the voice. I think the hair is from dad though..." (Y/n) hummed

"Dad?"

"Hmm? Oh, you don't know.. haha... I have two dads, one I cal dad and the other I call him father or papa. So... Yeah"

"But... Two males can't possibly make a baby, I know because it's genetically impossible!"

(Y/n) hummed as she shrugged, "I don't know exactly, but just know that I am a hundred percent their child." (Y/n) scoffed

He swallowed thickly, 'does she not know surrogates or adoption exist? Or she knows but her parents have never told her about it...?'

....

Exploring an abandoned lab, it was just (y/n), law, Shachi, and penguin, it was... Rather unexpected because it was purely out of curiosity that they explored.

(Y/n) already didn't feel good about the place but didn't object seeing as though how her captain's eyes glimmered when he wanted something.

So right now, they were walking through the endless halls of the lab until they found something that is... Worth something.

Law inspected it to his own interest.

'that... That's something called a "test tube". It allows experimented beings to never wake up until the liquid called 'mortalization' is powered off...' she thought as he inspected it further wishing to know what it is.

'and that is a control panel, it controls how much shock and energy goes through the said test tube's liquids inside...' she thought again when Shachi was inspecting the control panel.

"Penguin... I suggest you mind your steps, right behind you can cause a massive fire." She said as penguin looked behind him only for his elbow to bump some of the chemicals over.

Before anyone could even process what just happened, the fire immediately spread throughout the entire room.

As it turns out, the whole room was flammable, and maybe that's why, was because the whole place was SOAKED in old gasoline that it doesn't have a scent anymore

The fire spread out faster than you can imagine.

They all ran out the room and into a burning hallway.

Shachi and penguin ran first while (y/n) ran last to make sure no one was left behind until law caught his foot on something and tripped

"Captain!" (Y/n) yelled as she helped him up only for a large pile of burning wood to separate them, "penguin, Shachi, you guys go ahead and find an exit from there, we'll find one here!" She yelled as the two looked at each other and nodded before running off

"(Y/n)-ya, my foot's stuck!" Law panicked as (y/n) helped him out of it

"Calm down captain, limit your oxygen intake" she warned and got it out before starting to run again, only this time, she was carrying him on her back considering she's running so fast now.

Her head was kept low as to not overwhelm him with all the smoke and the height difference

Law may or may not have accidentally took this chance and took a good look on her face.

Despite the panicked expression, he can still see the determination and the gears in her brain work as she runs through the endless halls.

He sort of felt proud...? He just kinda did.

Now, she turned the wrong way by accident and now being cornered by the fire with him on his back.

Her first priority was to save HIM for some reason... It's like her own health was negligible at this point. Looking around until she saw an air duct vent right above her.

She placed him down momentarily and removed the grid easily due to the rust and threw it away. She had to lean into her tiptoes just to see where it led. And it lead outside!

"Captain, quick. There's not much time, jump into these vents, they lead outside" she instructed and lifted law to the vents.

"Quick, hold my hand, I'll pull you up." He offered as (y/n) looked behind her.

"No... I won't fit..." She sighed and looked up at him before smiling.

Law was entranced, all the time he only saw her look down at him menacingly, but with this angle... She looked like a sweet angel...

"Go, law... I promise, I'll find my way out. Please save yourself" she reassured him as he swallows thickly and nodded

Law's pov

Leaving her behind, I can't help but worry if she's really going to be alright, the crawl space was just right for me and found the way out.

"Did you find it, law?" She yelled

"Yeah!" I yelled back and pushed hard on the grills

It DID lead me outside as I jumped out of the air duct, "I'm out!"

"Good! Meet up with the two, I'll find my way" she said before I heard her run off.

I went back to the main entrance where we had entered and saw the two idiots there

"Captain!" Shachi yelled as the two ran up to me

Penguin hummed, "where's (y/n)?"

"She's still inside, let's go get here... Quick!" I said and turned to the building before it exploded in fire.

"(Y/n)!" I unconsciously yelled out her name.

Why was I doing this...? Did she matter to me more than I had known?

All the times I can't help but feel off about her, the temptation to cling unto her was enormous, even the fact that I wish to be with her 24/7 without any complaints.

Do I have to admit? Of course I do... Maybe it's too late...

My ears started ringing as the explosion's afterglow.

It is too late... (Y/n)...

"(Y/n)..." I muttered

I love you...

"Captain!" Shachi yelled, "were you okay?!"

Maybe seeing as though with unshed tears in my eyes, the two backed off entirely, maybe not literally but they did back off.

"Captain... Are you..." Penguin mumbled as I turned to him without even leaving my glance at the burning building, "are you alright...?"

"I..." I simply muttered before hearing glass break.

Of course it was on the top floors of the building,

So it turns out, (y/n) had to jump out of the second floor window just to escape the second explosion and landed on the hard ground along with the glass shards.

She groaned for a bit and immediately sat up, I saw a rather big glass shard pierced her shoulder and some light wounds on her body because of the broken glass.

She saw me and looked glad I was alright

"Law! La- uh- I mean... Captain! You're alright!" She said as she ran up to me, clutching her arm tightly with pain wincing in her eyes, "I hope you are!"

"I'm alright, but your shoulder!" I managed to yell

"As long as you're fine, I'm fine... Now let's get outta here before the marines catch us!" She yelled and we ran off.

...

"Aww... Too bad I have to wear this cast for a month just to recover" she sighed as I groaned

"You're also in a strict month off where no work, no activities that involve physicals, and just relax. Alright?" I ordered as she pouted rather cutely

"Fine!" She scoffed.

I can't help but chuckle at her immature pout and glare, at this point, I kind of... Stopped bothering about her height... It was just height, after all.

"How old were you again?" I asked

"24, why?"

"You're 24?!" I gasped, "I thought you must e been at least like... I don't know, maybe 29??"

She just stared at me blankly before furrowing her brows with a groan, "I don't look THAT old... Do I?"

"I mean... The height is just... You know"

"Hmph. It's just height bullshit, it shouldn't determine my age" she pouted and looked away, sulking.

I can't help but laugh at how absurd I probably was, even before, I thought she was all death considering her glare was different from other piercing flares people have sent me in the past, but after all that has happened, it somehow made me realize I'm focusing on the wrong points...

Because even after her own height and eyes, inside, she's literally just a child.

"That's very cruel of you captain, to laugh at my misfortune" she scoffed

"I'm sorry, really, I am." I seized laughing, "I knew you were slightly different from the others but I didn't expect you to be like a child."

"Hey!"

It caused me to laugh even harder and also effected her to laugh softly as well.

For some odd reason, her laughter filled my ears and soon my senses as everything I had in me broke loose and just made me want her... A lot.

"Do you really think I'll be healed in a month?" I heard her ask as I snap back to reality

"Hmm? Oh, that's the estimate. If you take care of yourself, then yes, it will"

"Oh... Oh. That's too fucking long"

"You really can't speed EVERYTHING up. You know?"

She just huffed

Meanwhile outside...

Shachi and penguin giggled to themselves when they saw Law's rising blush on his cheeks whenever (y/n) would strike him unknowingly with her cute administrations or actions.

"Captain's being lovestruck~" penguin sang

"Will he even realize that?" Shachi asked

"He should, eventually... You know? If he doesn't, then might as well help him out right?"

"True."

Later...

(Back to 3rd pov)

"(Y/n)-ya, how's the cast? Are you adjusting well?" Law asked over diner as she nodded

"Kind of an odd feeling, but I'm adjusting to it well." She answered, "good thing it's on the arm I don't typically use, or else I'd be totally useless" she laughed

"I see... Just don't flex it too much, slight? Especially the shoulder."

"Copy that" she muttered, "is it normal that it kinda stings? The wound, I mean"

"Of course, it's healing."

By this point, the crew noticed how law would mainly talk to (y/n) and his way of speaking to her,

By this point, the crew, except (y/n), knew he liked her.

Of course (y/n) never knew cause she just thought he was just doing his role as a captain and a friend, that's why he was acting as such.

(And partly because she thought he was guilty since he got out pretty much harmless while she got out with several wounds)

But in actuality, she kinda(?) Liked him from day 1. He was caring and compassionate about his own crew but she somehow thought he was unto her considering he glares a lot and she doesn't know why.

(And here folks, is a classic example of miscommunication)

After a month had gone by, it was time to remove the cast in which was held after dinner.

And all throughout dinner, Shachi and penguin were pestering Law into admitting how much he liked her while (y/n) was on the other side of the room speaking to Ikkaku about a few stuff like makeup and dresses because Ikkaku wanted a second girl's opinion.

"Do you really think a red dress would suit me?" Ikkaku asked

"With your skin tone and eyes, of course it would." (Y/n) grinned making Ikkaku hum

"I imagine it and yeah... It hink it'd look cool!"

"Do you have a dress in mind?" (Y/n) asked

"A puffed up sleeve-"

"Ew. No" (y/n) grimaced, "I suggest an off shoulder one. It's much more... Let's say classic but helps the elegance your personality holds, but that's just me personally, alright?"

"How come you know a lot of these, (y/n)-chan?" Bepo asked

"Father used to give me a shit ton of 'lessons' about fashion and stuff, which is just him showing his wardrobe to me and showing color pallets that might match with a person's skin tone, like how yours would be perfect with either red or blue. And if you pair it right, yellow."

"Really? What's his wardrobe like?" Ikkaku asked excitedly

"Mostly suits in different colours, and sometimes, he shows me beautiful gowns and dresses he wore himself, sometimes platform heels and shiny heels with a pointed tip. He loves the shiny ones specifically"

Ikkaku gasped with sparkles herself, "your father is a crossdresser?! And he's very open about it ?! That's cool!"

"Mhmm... He's the one who kinda told me that clothes never had gender, just sizes. Choose your size and if it fits, you wear. Literally. He never even cared if I wore a 'boy' outfit, even if it was against school codes back home but he wouldn't care and question the principal if he was a little perverted bastard for caring what a child wore to school." She shrugged, "father is more into dresses though, he can fight freely with them."

"Your father is a fighter?!" Klione gasped

"Both my parents are, actually... One of them is skilled with a short almost four times bigger than themselves while the other is equipped with a big ass bow that literally can be snapped in the middle to turn them into two identical hand scythes."

"That's awesome...!"

"Truly, they are pretty awesome" she hummed

"(Y/n)-ya, it's time" law called as she looked at him and nodded before cautiously standing up and following him to the infirmary.

...

"Okay... This feels refreshing" she hummed softly and stretched her arms

"Let me remove the bandage in your shoulder" law said as he moved to be behind her.

She sat on a bed that was lowered enough for her to be at least eye level with him

She removed her uniform and let him remove it.

A pretty big scar being left behind in the previous stitched up wound.

"It seems to have healed quite fast, let me remove the threads" he mentioned before he started doing so.

She waited patiently for him to finish, and when he did, right after cleaning the wound, he kissed it causing her back to straighten and an electrified shock go through her spinal cord down to every single nerve her system has.

"Eh? Captain...? What was that for?" She asked and tried to calm the heat gathering in her cheeks

He just stared at the wound for a few moments and walked to be in front of her, "look... I'm sorry I got you hurt like this"

"Huh? It... It's alright, really" she smiled softly

"No, no... If I hadn't tripped-"

"Captain." She cuts him off, "it wasn't your fault... It was an accident... Don't apologize for something that was never your fault. It's really alright, and besides... It was the only way out and I wouldn't have fit even if I tried."

"I...-"

"Captain... I promise you, it is not your fault, I don't blame you... I'm glad you... Everyone got out safely without repercussions or whatsoever..." She smiled brightly at him

At this moment, he knew she was the one he wanted to spend his entire life with, well at least what's left of it.

"I... Still... Thank you for thinking about me first..." He let out a small smile making her laugh

"That's the spirit!" She grinned

He didn't know what came over him but he stepped forward and smashed his lips over hers.

It made her froze but eventually, she came over the initial shock and responded to him.

His arms wrap around her waist as hers were wrapped around his neck, pulling each other closer to one another's embrace

"But seriously though..." He mumbled against her lips, "don't do that... It scared the living shit out of me... I thought you died."

"Sorry... But don't worry, it was just a burn scar..." She smiled as he hummed and pushed her down into the bed.

"Captain..." She gasped

"Just my name..." He muttered and placed his hands on her hips.

"Law?" She hummed and leaned up, propping her elbows against the bed.

"Yeah. Just use my name... It's up to you if you want to use it privately or publicly, I don't care..." He hummed and proceeds kissing her passionately

"I don't think a hospital bed is the place to do what you want" she laughed as he agreed with her

"Let's go to my room" he smirked making her hum

"If it fits me" she shrugged

"Oh it will... It's kinda big considering Bepo sometimes sleeps with me in there."

....

"Law... Hng-" (y/n) sighed as law rode out her orgasm while he go straight to his own.

"(Y/n)... I'm close" he groaned as he bit her neck

"L-law... Please" she cried softly as her nails were dragged across his back.

He grunted and felt himself so close to release.

The feel of her plush, velvety walls clench around his member was overwhelming but pleasurable.

"(Y/n). Where..." He panted and felt one of her hand caress his head and her legs circle around his waist

He smirked with a chuckle and kissed her passionately

...

"Law..." She groaned at the aftermath and curled herself against him on the bed

"Hmm?"

"I'm kinda hungry" she muttered

"Let's go get something to eat then,.there's a bar in town" he says as (y/n) slowly sat up and felt her legs literally go numb and be sore at the same time

"Fuck..." She groaned to herself

"Oh shit... I fucked you pretty good, Huh?" He grinned darkly as she scoffed at him

"Whatever" she rolled her eyes with a pretty satisfied smirk

Law smiled softly and kissed her cheek before helping her up and making sure she doesn't hit her head on the ceiling

[hennessystevens-udaku]

Oh Baby! (Baby Fever Pt. 2)

It had been five years since The Kompound first welcomed new life and Hennessy’s baby fever was back with a vengeance. With the birth of Angel and Erik’s third child, Henny couldn’t couldn’t contain the joy she felt whenever she was around the tiny beings. Watching them grow and develop and become her new favorite past time and she loved when the opportunity to teach them new things presented itself. Princess Nya had taken after her mother and Bastion, a little diva in the making with an eye for all things music and fashion, while N’Jadaka was smart and cunning like his father. N’Jada was chill like her mother with a passion for exploring and reading, while baby Adelaide, the youngest of the camp, was still figuring things out. It was a sight to behold and it brought Hennessy back to the conversation she and Erik had had following Charlie’s baby shower. Though she thought it was just a phase back then, she was sure that the universe was setting her up for a miniature version of herself or her husband that she could call her own. After a long day in the dispensary planning and budgeting for the line of edibles she and Kristina had been working on, she finally made it home. She made the short trip upstairs where she immediately stripped out of her clothes and slipping into a nice hot bath. She rolled herself a joint of the special goddess blend that she and Kennedi created, aptly named Aurelie, and washed away the day. Once she completed her bath, she made her way to Erik’s office to discuss what had been plaguing her in the last few weeks.

—

“A baby, huh?” he asked with an amused look on his face. She and Erik pair had had more than a few conversations about the topic and after suffering the miscarriage while they were in college, he was convinced that she didn’t want to try again.

“What made you change your mind, Princess?” he asked stroking her knuckles with his thumb.

“The twins,” she answered without hesitation. “I love being around them and caring for them and I thought that maybe it was time that we tried again.” Erik nodded, taking in his wife’s words with a smile.

“Yeah, I saw the search history on the iMac. You want a surrogate?” His eyes flashed with an emotion she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Hurt? Sadness?

“I was looking into it, but I wanted to talk to you about it first. There would be so much to consider with me getting pregnant. I’d basically have to work from home because I can’t be around weed and all that. Not to mention, I’m still afraid of what happened. I don’t want us to go through all that work only for me to miscarry again.” She wrapped her arms around herself defensively as she continued her little spiel. In return, Erik grabbed her arms and placed them securely around his neck and his around her waist.

“Hennessy stop that. I know you’re scared because of what happened back then, but I honestly think that was just the universe telling us that we weren’t ready to be parents yet. We’ve both done a lot of growing and maturing since then. I think we’re ready, don’t you?” She nodded, slowly lifting her head to look him in the eye.

“Now back to this surrogate business.” He looked down at her with a stern look. “If I’m being totally honest, I don’t want some stranger carrying my baby. It’s too risky and some surrogates tend to get attached and I ain’t got time for some other bitch to be claiming my baby as hers.”

“But baby there are other --”

“Let me finish, baby. I know that there are other methods of surrogacy that allow the parents to choose who they want to carry the child, but there are so many moments in pregnancy that you’d miss. You wouldn’t get to feel the little flutters when the baby moves or kicks. You’d have to sit back and watch me shower some other woman with the love and attention that’s supposed to be yours while you carry my big head ass baby.” He poked her stomach playfully to further emphasize his point.

“You just wanna see my munchkin ass waddling around here barefoot and pregnant,” she said slapping his hands away from her belly.

“I will neither confirm nor deny those allegations,” he responded with a laugh. “But seriously, if you having a baby then I’m gonna be the one to put it in you and it’s gonna grow and be nurtured inside your belly. It’s only right.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll track my ovulation and we can try.” She placed a gentle kiss to his lips before attempting to walk away from him. His grip on her waist tightened as he held her close to him, deepening the kiss.

“Can we try even if you ain’t ovulating?” he asked against her lips, clearing space on his desk before lifting her and sitting her on top.

“You so damn nasty,” she giggled as he dropped to his knees in front of her.

“You knew this already,” he retorted from his position between her plus thighs. Soon the sounds of her wetness and slurps filled the air as he feasted on his wife, drinking from her body like his life depended on it.

“So, do we have a baby yet?” Bastion asked, bouncing on her toes like a child in a candy store.

“Not yet.”

“Damn, y’all been going at it like rabbits. At this point, I’m pregnant from listening,” Kennedi teased.

“I swear everybody in this family is a creep,” Hennessy replied, rolling her eyes. It was true, ever since she and Erik had the discussion about her adding to the family, they’d tried every chance they got, sometimes multiple times a day, but we're still having no luck.

“Maybe my uterus is broken,” Henny stated, looking down between her legs from her seated position on the kitchen counter.

“Bitch shut up!” Bastion screamed through her laughter. “You will get pregnant when Bast is good and ready for you to be. Maybe the universe still isn’t ready for a Mini Hennerik.”

“What the fuck is a Hennerik?” Aly’Sha asked.

“It’s a play on their names, kinda like Bennifer or Brangelina,” Bast explained.

“Bitch the door. And don’t ever say that corny ass shit again.” Bastion rolled her eyes and made her way back to her design studio.

“Y’all laughing, but I’m deadass. Maybe it’s not meant for me to give him a baby.”

“Hennessy, you’re worried about nothing. With the way y’all been going at it, you’ll have a bun in the oven before the week is out, mark my words.” With that, Kennedi grabbed an apple juice from the fridge and shuffled to her art studio, eager to finish a portrait of the twins that she had been working on. Hennessy was once again left alone with her thoughts and they were beginning to run wild with all the possibilities of ‘what if’. She decided to slip into something eye-catching and drop by the Outreach Center and pull a freaky deaky drive-by on her husband to quell her illicit thoughts.

--

Late. Exactly 2 weeks, 3 days, and 2 hours late according to her period tracker. Hennessy almost cursed Kennedi for being so damn accurate in her prediction that she would be pregnant sooner than she expected. Hennessy bit her bottom lip in anticipation as the timer on her phone wound down. She paced the bathroom floor for the entire 5 minutes until the alarm sounded, signaling that it was time to check the stick. Her eyes grew wide as she held it up and saw the two tiny pink lines indicating that there was indeed life growing inside of her. She ran out of the bathroom to the two people she knew would keep the secret until she was ready to reveal it to the rest of the house and to her husband.

“Es-tu enceinte?” Angel asked with a wide grin.

“Oui,” Hennessy replied, returning the grin. Angel squealed loudly, kicking her feet in the air like Charlotte from the Princess and the Frog.

“Can I get the English version of this news so I can share in the excitement?” Charlie called from the foot of Angel’s bed.

“Henny’s pregnant!” Angel squealed.

“Jesus, tell the whole house, why don’t you,” Henny said with a playful roll of her eyes.

“Wait, so we’re the first to know?” Charlie asked, now grinning as well. Henny nodded her head, taking a seat beside her.

“Y’all are the only two I could trust not to say or do anything to give it away before I’m ready to tell fathead.”

“Then your secret is safe with us, Mommy Shark,” Charlie teased, rubbing her belly. “Welcome to the Mommy Gang. We have breast milk and cookies.”

“Organic breast milk?” Henny asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Only the best for our churn,” Angel replied, her New Orleans accent creeping out ever so slightly.

“Looks like I have another shower to plan,” Angel said with a smile. She loved the idea of their family growing and she’d been secretly hoping that Erik talked her out of the whole surrogate idea. She was just like Erik, finding the thought of the tiny woman pregnant comical.

“I’m gonna go figure out how I’m gonna announce this to the rest of the house.”

--

Four Months In

Hennessy was miserable. It was the middle of summer in California and her belly along with her appetite was growing every day. Though she had been successful in hiding her growing bump, choosing to wear more black pieces and pants suits, there were two entities in The Kompound that made keeping her pregnancy a secret a tad bit difficult.

“Ooh Hennessy, you’re glowing! Have you switched skincare products?” Davita called, causing all eyes to fall on the small woman.

“No, just the products I got from Kennedi,” she replied, giving Vita a death glare that only urged her to continue.

“Well, that top is nice. Got ya titties sitting all pretty and swollen. They look like they full of milk!” Angel and Charlie caught on and immediately came to Henny’s rescue.

“Nah, Henny and I went bra shopping and I turned her on to one of my favorites. It’s comfortable and makes the titties sit immaculately, no matter the top.”

“Yeah, what Charlie said.” It was now Josephine’s turn to chime in on the topic.

“Henny Hen, I haven’t seen you drink or smoke in a minute. Something you wanna tell us?”

“Nope,” she called, grabbing an apple juice from the fridge and heading towards the front door.

“Well I had a dream about fish last night,” Vita chirped. “Which one of the wives knocked up?” Hennessy’s heels clicked loudly against the marble floor of the house until the door slammed behind her. Erik only shook his head in amusement. Though he already knew she was pregnant, having picked up on it when she started wearing actual clothes and turned down her favorite meal of shrimp and grits, he wanted to wait until she was ready to tell him herself. He could help the smile that crossed his face as he watched her from the kitchen window, waddling to her truck like a little penguin. His little penguin. He made a point to have a bouquet of sunflowers delivered to the dispensary and set up a spa day for her later in the week so she could relax.

“When did you find out?” Angel asked looking over his shoulder once everyone had retired to do their own thing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mrs. Stevens,” he said as he placed a soft kiss to her forehead before walking away. If she, Henny, and Charlie wanted to play dumb, he would too. The following weeks went by the same way. Vita and Josie kept taunting, Hennessy kept denying, and Erik kept silently pampering her. Finally fed up with the charade and wanting the entire thing to be out in the open, she decided to send out a mass text to her family. The responses came almost instantly.

Sha Sha: Deadass? I’m gonna be an auntie? Yoooooo!

Baby Bast: Oh great, another tiny human.

Charlie: Finally! I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep the secret.

Everyone responded, sending well wishes and congratulations except Erik. She bit her lip, silently panicking in her office.

“Dr. Stevens? Mr. Stevens is here to see you.” Oh shit.

“Send him in Raven.” He appeared a few moments later, dressed in an all black Versace suit with matching loafers.

“Got something you wanna tell me, Mrs. Stevens?” he asked as he made his way to stand in front of her, his smile growing by the second. She returned his smile before unbuttoning her suit jacket and rubbing her belly.

“Shit just got real, Mr. Stevens.”

—————————————

TAGS: @vibranium-soul @imagine-mbaku @mareethequeen @greennightspider @jozigrrl @hearteyes-for-killmonger @alyshastevens-udaku @muse-of-mbaku @thehomierobbstark @wifeyofnjadaka @youreadthatright @tgigoldie @killmongersgurl @dameshaemonique @princessstevens @princesskillmonger @amethyst1993 @iamrheaspeaks @laketaj24 @bidibidibombaclaat @thereturnofbadazz @whatmoredoyouwantamericaa @forbeautyandlife @yaachtynoboat711 @panthergoddessbast @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @dacreskars @thadelightfulone @drsunshine97 @wakanda-inspired @wawakanda-btch @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @ayellepea @awkwardlyabstract @madamslayyy @blowmymbackout @vikkidc @champagnesugamama @sociallyawkward18 @trevantesbrat @supersizemeplz @itsangeludaku

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Castle on the Hill (Jean x reader)

A/N: Hi. I really like this song so i thought i should write something. This time, the story is in second person, and the reader is gender neutral. Basically, this is a friends to lovers story with a twist ending.

Word count: ~2,500

When I was six years old, I broke my leg. I was running from my brother and his friends.

The sidewalk was very unforgiving, as was your brother. He was playing with his big kid friends, since they all were twelve and you were only in kindergarten. Your big brother loved you a lot, more than your mother and father combined; but that didn't mean he was free from teasing you.

His friends were laughing at you again. Apparently, your hair was messy and your clothes were stained with dirt, making you look like a 'rag doll'. He wasn't laughing too much, but still, he was having fun with his buddies. Your little heart was breaking, as it did every time he teased you or made you feel like a little kid. You were six whole years old. That meant you were a big kid.

Quickly, you stood up, abandoning the mudpie building on the ground. Tears were streaming down your cheeks, but your hair covered it so they couldn't get a glimpse. How could he laugh at you like this? That's all you were thinking about in the moment.

As fast as your little legs could take you, you turned around and took off down the rocky path, heading anywhere but their direction. Your brother screamed behind you to come back, but you just kept running on short little legs. you was a good runner, and never ever fell. Yet, for some reason, you tripped on your own feet in the middle of the path.

When you went crashing down, a painful snap came from your leg, causing you to scream out. It hurt so much, worse than anything you'd ever felt before.

More tears streamed from your eyes as you continued to cry. You were such a baby.

As you struggled to stand and eventually gave up in a heap of heavy tears and painful aching, a boy walked up to your shaking form, his eyes wide with fear. He had a full head of shaggy dirty blond hair and his eyes were golden, like honey. He was about your age, but way taller. Everyone was taller than you...

"Hey! What are you doing here? My momma was scared since she heard you scream!" the boy exclaimed, kneeling beside the your scared and shaking form. You whimpered and pointed to the leg which was bent an awkward way. He cringed back, biting his lip to hold back his screams. You were shaking so bad, it would only make you feel worse.

He looked over his shoulder and then back down at you, holding out his hands. "My house is right there. Come on so my momma can call a doctor to help you," he urged, going to grab onto your hand. Hesitantly, you reached out and took his hands. Using all of his strength, he pulled you from the ground, only for you to scream more and shiver under his grasp. It hurt so badly to just move, and the pressure on your leg wasn't helping.

The boy took you under the arm and carried your hopping form to the front door of his house. "Mommy, let me in! We need help!" he shouted, waiting for a reply.

A tall woman with bright eyes and thick blond hair answered the door. Her eyes widened significantly upon seeing the sight before her. Two young children, one of her own in fact, injured and dirty. "Oh, Jean, what happened?! Get in here!" she exclaimed, taking you from her son and lifting you up over the threshold so she didn't hurt your leg more.

"Please, sit with them on the couch while I go send for a doctor."

And that's how you met Jean Kirstein. Your first and best friend.

Had my first kiss on a Friday night. I don't reckon I did it right.

You kissed Reiner in a game of truth or dare. It was late one Friday night, and everyone piled into the middle of the room, giggling and laughing their asses off, while trying to be quiet.

You remember leaning against Jean, whom everyone considered to be your surrogate brother by now. Outwardly, and even in your mind, you never really minded people calling the two of you siblings. It wasn't weird since you'd been friends ever since you were six. Yet, you found yourself cringing every time someone so lightly said it.

Were you really that close? Did everyone think of you as siblings? Did Jean think of you as a sibling? Your stomach turned awkwardly at the thought. You liked being close, but the thought of it being a family thing made you feel sick. At the time, you didn't know why either.

Suddenly, your name was called by Ymir, who was snickering like a wicked witch. That girl always gave you the major creeps, not to mention she was a total bully. Normally, she was only ever nice to her girlfriend Christa.

"How about I choose...(Y/N)," the dark-haired girl chuckled. You straightened a bit, eyes going completely wide with fear. "So, truth or dare?" No one ever picked you for these things. You always just hung out while everyone one else participated. Of course Ymir would be the one to force you to play.

You thought for a moment, but did you really have a choice? You would much rather do something embarrassing than give Ymir the power to learn any of your deepest secrets. "Dare."

"Wow, and I thought you were a coward," she laughed evilly.

Christa sighed, sending you a sympathetic look before reprimanding the tall girl beside her. "Ymir, that's rude-"

Sadly, her words were interrupted with the most terrifying request of the night. Her eyes were narrowed mischievously, so you knew that the second she spoke up, something awful could spout from her lips. "I dare you to make out with Reiner." Your heartbeat increased ten fold, and you clutched at Jean's coat anxiously.

She couldn't actually make you kiss Reiner? You really didn't want to. You were almost fifteen and hadn't had your first kiss yet. It was embarrassing and you never told anyone else but Jean. Now, you were going to be forced to waste it on something as stupid as a dare.

Part of you wanted to cry, and the other part wanted to run away. Either of those would have been better than what you actually did.

Reiner leaned over from two spots down, crawling over his best friend Bertholdt who sat between you. You cringed and looked away, trying to fight the urge to back out. "Come on. It's only a dare. I don't bite," he joked, his strong jaw fixed by the smirk on his face.

"B-but, guys...come on, isn't this a little impersonal?" You tried to ask, but Ymir only growled and pushed on your thigh with her boot.

"Don't be a prude, L/N!"

Jean just sat there the entire time, without saying a single thing or moving to help you. You were offended and hurt. Quickly, without taking a moment to think, you leaned forward and kissed Reiner as swiftly as possible. You pulled away and wiped your mouth of Reiner germs, grimacing intensely. That wasn't how you wanted your first kiss to be.

It felt so wrong. Completely and utterly disgusting.

"No way! I said to make out! You barely pecked him!" she protested. You sighed and leaned away, face beet red from utter embarrassment. Everyone was huddled in this circle, even Armin and Marco, and you didn't want to embarrass yourself any further.

You leaned forward again, letting Reiner take ahold of the back of your head. Her curled his fingers in your (h/c) hair, which was also a really weird feeling. Before you had a chance to prepare yourself, his lips pressed sloppily to yours. You didn't move much, and simply let him kiss you.

It felt all wrong and the person you were staring at was all wrong and the hand curled into your hair seemed too unnatural. Why? Why couldn't you just be a kid and enjoy kissing someone as handsome as Reiner? (lmao, reiner is definitely not that great of a catch)

I was younger then. Take me back to when I found my heart and broke it here, made friends and lost them through the years.

"Jean, I don't care what you say, I'm coming in!" You shouted, leaning against the door with a hand tightly wrapped around the knob. He'd been in the boys dorm room for hours. He didn't come down for breakfast, or lunch, or even dinner. In fact, he hadn't done his chores either but you covered for him.

You opened the door and walked in, shutting the heavy door behind you. Jean laid there on the bed, covers drawn up around his shoulders and his head tucked down into his pillow. Your heart broke for him, seeing him in such a crumbling state. He always tried to remain cocky in front of Eren and the others, but he was really upset.

Everyone is upset, how can they not be? The military is rough, and when someone dies every week from being in the survey corps, everything gets worse.

You didn't say anything else. Right now, all you could do was walk over to his bed side. You sat down on the edge of the bed, taking off your boots and throwing your jacket onto the floor. Without waiting for him to say anything, you collapsed on the bed beside him, curling up with your head resting on his pillow.

"I'll always be here for you, Jean. Don't ever suffer through this alone," You told him softly, pressing your nose into his hair. "Did something happen?"

"I was thinking about Marco, and Annie and Bertholdt and Reiner-" he confessed to quietly, his voice clean of any tears he might have cried before you walked in.

Sighing, you wrapped an arm tightly around his waist and hugged him. "I know. Marco was like a brother. I miss him a lot sometimes," your voice was merely a whisper. Truthfully, your heart ached for the freckle-faced boy who died too young by the worst means possible.

"And sometimes, I think about Reiner and Annie and Bert, and I still care about them. I still think it's cute how Bert always blushes and stutters, I still admire Annie for being so strong, and hell, Reiner was my first kiss. Those guys meant a lot to me, and even now that I know what happened, I still hate to believe it."

You just wanted to make him feel better. You loved Jean, you wanted to see him smile and fight proudly.

He shifted, lying on his back while you kept your arms wrapped around his waist. You stared at his profile while he mindlessly looked to the ceiling, his face void of emotion. His voice startled you when he asked, "Do you ever think about what life would be like if we grew up normal? If we still lived in Trost together?"

You thought about it a lot. In fact, you always thought of the two of you growing old together in that boring old town with his mother and your stupid brother. You would have been a member of the family business and he would have followed up his father's business.

You both knew that's what you really wanted. Didn't everyone want to go back in time and change the past...change that day when the wall fell?

"Yeah," you muttered, "We would have been so happy. My brother would have been a kick ass survey corps squad leader and my mom would have lived to see me working in the family business. You know... my mom always said we would get married one day. You and me, growing old together. Sounds like a dream now."

"My mom always said the same thing. She was always so excited about it."

"Jean, do you think we'll ever go back to those times? Living our lives?"

"I don't really know, (Y/N)."

You laid there for a while, simply resting to the beat of your hearts. His head came to rest in the crook of your neck and you rubbed his back along his spine, feeling his warmth through his shirt and on your calloused fingertips. Your lips were chapped from breathing so hard outside in the heat so you licked them subconsciously.

"Jean?" you asked, knowing he was going to answer.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

I still remember, these old country lanes, when we did not know the answers.

His lips were cold against yours, moving so slowly you thought you might melt in his arms. Your back was pressed softly in the doorway and your head was tipped back in his hand. You held onto his neck with one hand and the other was securely on his cheek, bringing him closer.

Even if this was the fortieth time you kissed, it was always a different experience. The hall was only lit by the moonlight coming from the window in your room, lighting your profiles subtly. Your heart was beating normally, unlike before when it would beat fast just when he held your hand.

You pulled away and pressed your forehead to his, hot breath hitting your lips at an even pace. It was bittersweet, the romance. Friends since childhood turned to lovers over the span of a decade. Sometimes, it still felt so weird to you. Was this even real? Were you even alive, kissing the one person in this world that made you feel nostalgic?

Beautiful?

Loved.

"It shouldn't be like this," You mumbled against his cheek, lips leaving phantom touches on his scarred skin.

"I know." He paused for a moment before kissing your temple. "I love you just the same, maybe more."

"Jean, we're eighteen. We could have been married by now. Sasha could be the maid of honor and Armin could be the best man and we could-"

"I wish."

There was silence, other than the rapid beating in your chests and your shallow breaths. The hall felt so cold and distant, as if you could never make it out alive. In a sense, that was completely true. No one would make it out alive, defeat all the titans, discover every secret of the universe...It wasn't going to work.

And one day, you all would die. Not by old age. You would die like all our fallen comrades

With honor and wings of freedom engraved into your hearts.

I miss the way you make me feel, it's real.

Eren sat beside the boy with two-toned hair, his hands resting on the ground while his eyes stared at the sky, the orange fading to pink and then fading to purple until the darkness was settling in. Jean was crying, silently, but nevertheless, thick tears were streaming down his cheeks.

For the first time in years, Eren actually felt bad for the boy. No one deserved this kind of pain. And for Jean to opening cry in front of him only showed how destroyed he really was. "I'm sorry."

What else was he supposed to say?

Jean pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly. His chin rested on his knees, still crying. He didn't dare look at Eren beside him. His heart was too broken to even think of talking to someone else at the moment. It would take time, he knew that, but at the moment, life was over. His entire world was burned.

"(Y/n) loved you a lot, you know? They used to tell Armin about your adventures together," he tried to say lightly, only to feel worse. Why would he say that? It probably only brought up memories. "I'm just so sorry-"

Eren felt the rage boiling in his stomach until he lost it, throwing his hands into the air and glaring out into the horizon. This wasn't right, nor was it something to be sorry about. It just made him angry. "God, why did this happen? Why do titans have to ruin everything?"

And we watched the sunset over the castle on the hill.

You were gone, just like everyone else in his life. The wings in his hand, stained with the blood of his fallen soldier, only served as a reminder to him just how much he lost. He lost his best friend, his lover, his soulmate.

His bed was sweet with your scent, sunken into his pillows and spilling from his sheets each time he threw back the blanket. No matter how many times he washed it, your soul still wafted there in the air like a ghost.

Yet, life goes on.

[kirbyxdesu]

In My Next Life (Killugon One Shot)

Gon was sixteen when his best friend died. They’d been best friends for four years, been through hell and back together. And Gon wasn’t even there to see his last breaths. He hated that, hated it with a burning passion. After everything that had happened, the pain, the fights, the loneliness- Gon wasn’t there for Killua. Again.

They had been hunters, skilled hunters from the age of twelve. The strongest? No, not by any means. But no one could deny that they were special. It was understandable, though. Gon, the only son of the world’s greatest hunter and born of Nen, and Killua, the heir and the most skilled and infamous assassins the world has ever known. They were born from greatness.

So how was it that Gon’s life had become so ordinary, so mundane? The young hunter split from his best friend in order to see his father, and in order for Killua to give his baby sister the world. This was under the pretense that they’d always be friends and always be in contact. Well Gon stayed with Ging a grand total of three days, and with Kite and his friends another two, before he was on his way back to Whale Island to complete years of school work with Mito.

He and Killua didn’t stay in contact. Not often, anyway. Gon tried at first, but the guilt from what he’d done to Killua after Kite died ate away at him and caused his sanity to decay. He found that Killua’s scattered replies and the fact that things were different pulled him further and further from his other half. Soon he stopped reaching out and soon Killua stopped replying as well. Mito learned fairly quickly to stop mentioning the former assassin.

The next time he heard any mention of his chocolate loving best friend was the announcement from Alluka of his death.

What hurt Gon the most, what shook him to the core and destroyed the remaining traces of his innocence, was how the young Zoldyck passed. It wasn’t his brother or the disturbed magician. It wasn’t someone seeking revenge on the family of assassins for the death of a loved one. It wasn’t a hunting assignment gone wrong. No, what killed Killua Zoldyck… was poison.

He was supposed to be immune to it. That’s what Killua had always said. His family had eased him into a high tolerance. Slipping toxic substances into his food and drinks, injecting others into him directly. He once told Gon how he used to feel the side effects for days on end before they’d start to wear off. All to gain immunity against enemies who might want to rid the world of him. Who knew that the very enemies that the Zoldycks were trying to protect Killua from, were themselves?

Alluka’s letter explained that according to toxicology reports, the poisons had been slowly killing him from the inside out for years. His tolerance was high- that was was the only reason behind him living for so long. But he wasn’t immune. He’d been in pain, suffering in silence instead of telling Gon or Alluka how sick he was. No one noticed it until he’d finally started showing symptoms. By then it was too late.

The funeral was on Kukuroo Mountain so Gon couldn’t attend. He couldn’t see his best friend buried. Couldn’t say goodbye one last time. At first he was in denial. “It’s just a trick! Killua doesn’t want his family to find him to he and Alluka faked it! He’s fine!” Gon would text Killua’s phone, leave him messages and laughing about this prank and about how he fooled everyone, then yelling, then crying. A box came in the mail a week later- pictures, Killua’s clothes, his cell phone, his hunter license, some old chocolate robots. Gon called Killua’s phone more often, clinging to his sarcastic voicemail like a lifeline until the number was automatically disconnected a month later.

A few months after Killua’s funeral, Mito walked into the pet store on Whale Island to pick up some bird seed. Her surrogate son no longer fed the birds around their home. He no longer did anything now that Killua was dead. She tried desperately to make her boy smile and to bring him out of this coma-like state that he was in, but nothing worked and she felt that he had a right to mourn. So she decided to let him stay in his room while she attempted to make life as normal as possible for him.

The woman walked around the store with the seed in her hands, looking at the various animals. She was petting a few puppies when she heard mewling behind her. A smile graced her lips as she turned to face the litter of kittens behind her. Her breath halted when her gaze landed on the smallest- white fluffy fur and bright blue eyes. Blue eyes so bright that they reminded her of- She covered her mouth, her eyes burning.

“Oh my… hello there!” She hesitantly reached in and picked up the furry creature, smiling weakly as it pawed and mewled at her with those big blue eyes. “You… You look so much like my Killua!” She laughed, shaking her head. “I guess that’s silly to say. Comparing him to a kitten… I guess I’m just seeing things. But still…”

Mito remembered the day the letter came. She saw that it was from Alluka and immediately called Gon in. Oh, if she’d only known… She’d watched as Gon’s smile vanished, his face becoming ominously neutral. The way that his hands shook as he held onto the paper for dear life. How the color drained from his face and the light from his eyes. How he-

The kitten in Mito’s hands mewled again, snapping her out of her thoughts. Those blue eyes gazed at hers in concern, his fluffy head tilted to the side. He almost looked… sad. A look she’d seen in Killua’s eyes once when she’d asked him about his family. Those eyes….

Mito held the small creature close, closing her eyes. “Let’s go home, okay? I bet you’re just what he needs.”

The kitten tilted his head again before rubbing against her chest

“Gon! I’m home, sweetheart!” Mito called as she walked into the house, closing the door behind her. She glanced at the boy’s bedroom door and sighed quietly, shifting the kitten in her hands. She smiled and tried again, approaching the door and knocking. “I was at the pet store. I have something for you. It might help take your mind off…”

There was the sound of movement in the room before the door opened revealing a disheveled sixteen year old boy with dull brown eyes and skin pale from lack of sunlight. His blank eyes found his aunt’s before looking at the kitten’s. A look of pain flashed across his face as the creature mewled at him, pawing the air, before he hardened his expression again and looked at the woman in front of him.

“I don’t want it.” Gon said harshly, about to slam the door.

“But why not? You’ve always loved animals-” Mito attempted, just wanting to see that smile again. To see those eyes once again light up.

“Not anymore.” Gon snapped, glaring at the floor.

“Gon-” She pressed, stopping short when she saw Gon look sharply at her.

“If I couldn’t protect Killua,” That pain flashed again through his features again, “-then what makes you think that I can protect an animal? Take it back.”

“Gon Freecss, if you say one more word with that tone then I’ll make sure that you’ll regret it.” Mito scolded with a hard voice. The boy looked at her with wide eyes. She sighed deeply, “Now I have let you grieve long enough. I know that it’s hard but you aren’t the only one who’s lost someone special. I feel like I lost a son, and I miss him too. But you don’t see me acting like a brat and shutting myself away. So stop behaving like this. Do you hear me, Gon?”

“Yes, ma’am…” Gon mumbled, turning his hurt eyes to the floor again before slamming the door shut. Not seconds

Not seconds later Mito heard his muffled cries and it took all of her strength not to break down herself as she carried the kitten back into her room.

Weeks passed with Gon only letting himself be seen enough to keep Mito out of his hair. He wasn’t talking to her much after being scolded, but at least he was making himself seen so he figured she’d be content with that for now. She’d have to be.

In that time, the boy made a point to avoid the new addition to the household as well. He scowled at the kitten each and every time he saw it, making sure it knew he didn’t want it there. He kept his door closed so that the animal couldn’t get inside and went out of his way to make it an outsider- even when he would hear the tiny scratching on the door’s surface or the insistent mewling just outside.

He hated that animal. He hated it with every fiber of his being. How could Mito think he deserved any sort of gift after how he’d treated Killua, how he’d deserted him when his friend needed him most. Killua was alone and dying and Gon was nowhere to be found. Killua was dead because of Gon. Maybe if Gon had talked to him, maybe if he’d been there, Killua could have gotten better and would still be alive. Gon could have saved him and protected him.

Gon didn’t deserve a gift. He didn’t deserve a pet. He didn’t deserve more responsibility. He’d just fail again. That kitten would end up dying because of him too. Just like Kite. Just like Killua. So he hated it. He had to hate it, otherwise he’d get attached and it would hurt even worse when it was taken from him. Gon couldn’t lose something else precious to him. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle it next time. It wasn’t like he was even able to handle it now.

Gon’s door was never open. He kept it shut tightly as he remained locked away. Hidden from view. From the world. Until one day his door wasn’t closed, left open ajar with the sleeping teen inside on his bed.

And the kitten was all too eager to explore new territory. He saw Gon’s sleeping form almost immediately and scurried over to the bed. It was tall compared to the small creature, but he managed to use his claws to climb up onto the structure. Not wanting to wake the human, and feeling a little tired himself, he nestled onto his chest before drifting off into a slumber.

Gon awoke a few hours later, dazed in delirious. He didn’t understand why there was a light weight on his chest or why it felt so soft, still feeling the effects of unconsciousness. Once he blinked away the sleep and focused on the animal on his chest- he snapped.

“What are you doing in here? Get out!” Gon said, his face tensed in anger as he sat up quickly, knocking the kitten onto the bed. He mewled, tilting his head to the side and he cautiously crept back toward the furious human. Gon glared picking up the creature and throwing him onto the floor.

The kitten let a sound of distress and pain, backing away with his head lowered to the ground and his ears pinned back. And Gon regretted his action immediately.

“N-No! I’m sorry! I didn’t- I’m sorry!” The human was on the ground in an instant, scooping the terrified animal into this hands and hugging him close to his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Killua. I’m-” His brown eyes widened and filled with tears before spilling over. “O-Oh, Killua! I-I miss you so much! A-And I’m sorry, kitty! I didn’t mean to! I just- I hurt you- I’m sorry!” The boy choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes shut and holding the hurt kitten closely.

The kitten pawed at the human, trying to get his attention, mewling softly. Gon pulled back, still sniffling. He looked at the kitten taking him in for the first time and felt his eyes widen. Those eyes...So bright and beautiful…

“...Killua?” He whispered in disbelief. The kitten mewled in response, pawing him again. Gon felt himself smiling for the first time since before his friend’s death, “Killua… You…. You found me again.” He laughed, tears falling- tears of joy this time. “Killua…. Killua….I’m so sorry! I’ll never ever hurt you again! I promise! We’ll never separate again!”

“I agree, Gon. Never again. We’ll always be friends. Always.”

[mst3kproject]

Spider Baby, or the Maddest Story Ever Told

You will find this movie under many titles, including Cannibal Orgy and The Liver Eaters, but Spider Baby is probably the most appropriate for both the content and the tone.  You'll also find it dated to both 1964, when it was shot, and 1967, when it was released (after being auctioned off when the producer went backrupt shortly after the film was finished).  For our purposes, what matters is that it stars Lon Chaney Jr from The Indestructible Man and Sid Haig from Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II, and the cinematographer was Alfred Taylor, who did the same job on The Atomic Brain. The latter explains a lot.

The Merrye family suffers from an incurable genetic disease that causes progressive degeneration of the brain starting at around the age of ten or twelve.  Sufferers regress into a childlike state before finally being reduced to drooling, mindless cannibals! Despite this, the family seems to have been living quite happily in isolation, looked after by Bruno the chauffeur, until one day some cousins turn up looking for the family fortune.  Realizing they could be taken away and separated, the family tries to convince them to leave, then to scare them away – and finally decide they're just going to have to kill them.

Spider Baby has a reputation for being a cult classic, which puts it in the odd position of appearing on several lists of The Worst Movies Ever Made while also having a one hundred percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes!  I have to say, the movie is pretty bad, but at the same time, it's also mesmerizing. There are bits that I think you're supposed to laugh at, bits you're not supposed to laugh at but do anyway, bits that fail spectacular to be scary, and bits that are creepy as shit.

At a glance, Spider Baby comes across as an embryonic form of the 'crazy family in an isolated house' movie, a precursor to The Hills Have Eyes or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It probably is, but there's one important difference: while movies like that see the fucked-up world of the family through the eyes of an outsider, in Spider Baby the Merryes themselves are our point-of-view characters!  We meet them when a delivery man arrives at the house, only to be stabbed to death by a young woman who tells him that he's a bug caught in her spiderweb!  With the 'straight man' out of the way, we have to meet the family on their own terms.

The youngest is Elizabeth, a spiteful but mostly normal girl of indeterminate age (it's really hard to tell how old the 'children' are supposed to be, partly because they're supposed to be mentally regressed but also partly because we're all used to actors in their twenties and thirties playing teenagers – actress Beverly Washburn was twenty-four).  Middle child Virginia dotes on her two pet tarantulas, Barney and Winnifred, when she's not murdering the guests or kissing skeletons goodnight (Jill Banner was twenty-one).  The Eldest, Ralph, is a non-verbal sexual predator who enjoys raw meat (Sid Haig was twenty-eight).  Three more, who have degenerated into sub-human monsters, are kept locked up in the basement.

This menagerie of weirdos is cared for by Bruno, the family chauffeur, who swore an oath to their dying father that he would look after them for as long as is necessary.  Lon Chaney Jr. actually gives a really good performance in this role.  We can feel that he loves the children and really believes it's better to keep the family together at any cost, and is very much afraid of what might happen when Emily and Peter meet them.  When he and the family clean up and try to look a little more normal for their visitors, our sympathies are with them. We are right with them in resenting the intrusion, and anticipate the fates of Emily and the lawyer with thoroughly nasty glee.

Besides Lon Chaney Jr., the movie has one other really effective actor, Sid Haig.  If his performance doesn't make your skin crawl, especially when he's creeping down the wall to look through Emily's window, then you should probably see a dermatologist.  The movie amps up the creep factor in other ways, too – the music is pretty good, referencing The Itsy Bitsy Spider in a way that's both chilling and funny.  The unbelievably awkward dinner scene has no music at all, which makes for a sense of claustrophobia.  The house is decorated with taxidermied birds, which I found pretty creepy in themselves, although this may just be my personal dislike of taxidermy. Naturally, one of them turns out to be a real bird and scares the bejeezus out of the lawyer.  Too bad it's so obvious, which ruins the jump scare when the animal moves.

The movie's theme is fairly well-developed, too – it's about humanity's fear of our own inner monsters.  For as long as we have recognized that we are qualitatively unlike the rest of the animal kindom, we have worried about what might happen if whatever causes that difference were to cease to function.  Might we really all be just one head injury away from savagery?  The family members of different ages represent stages in the disintegration of an individual's humanity: first, like Elizabeth, they become mean. Then, like Virginia, they become murderers.  Third, like Ralph, they are torturers and rapists.  Finally, like the creatures in the cellar, they are cannibals.  One by one, all taboos are broken, and the thin verneer of humanity is stripped away to reveal the monster underneath.

The final taboo is incest, which we are told has occurred in the Merrye family and has made the syndrome worse.  It is notable, however, that there is no hint of it among the characters we actually meet – Ralph never tries to molest his sisters, and they show no fear of him doing so.  For all her love of knives, Virginia never tries to hurt Elizabeth or Ralph, either, and none of them ever tries to harm their surrogate father, Bruno.  Demented as they are, this little family is a loving one, and they save their violence for outsiders. This is a big part of why the three children remain endearing characters even as they commit unspeakable crimes.  Their familial love is the one nugget of humanity they have not yet lost.

Another fear that Spider Baby takes advantage of is the fear of what's in our genes.  This, too, is very old.  Long before we understood the basis of it, we knew that some diseases and conditions ran in families.  Hemophilia is a good example, as are things like ectrodactyly ('lobster syndrome'), and like Merrye Syndrome they become more pronounced in small gene pools – witness the prevelance of polydactyly (six fingers) among the Amish.  Until very recently it was impossible to tell if a baby had inherited the flawed genes until it was born, and pregnancy in such families was a roller-coaster of hope and terror.  Spider Baby takes it one step further, positing a syndrome that does not manifest until late childhood.  How much more stressful this must have been for the late Titus Merrye, having to wait until his children were ten or twelve before learning whether they'd inherited the condition that he was lucky enough to escape? No wonder he died young.

Worse still, such conditions can hide in a bloodline for multiple generations without ever manifesting, until somebody finally loses the genetic lottery.  This is addressed at the end of the movie, when we get Cousin Peter's happily-ever-after ending with his wife Anne and daughter Jessica – who is fascinated by spiders.  Is she showing early symptoms of Merrye Syndrome?  The movie certainly wants us to think she is, in which case Peter should not have taken it for granted that he wasn't a carrier.  None of us can.

What about the sufferers themselves?  With conditions like ectrodactyly, it is with a person from birth and he or she will learn to live with it, never knowing anything else.  Among the Merryes, however, a child would grow up seeing aunts and uncles who must be locked away, and perhaps watching older siblings decline, all while knowing that a similar fate may or may not be awaiting them – there's no way to tell until they reach the age of onset.

While Spider Baby gives us a lot to think about, it never really gels. Except for Lon Chaney Jr. and Sid Haig the actors are nothing to write home about, and there's plenty of cheese to go with the ham. The sets always look like sets, the prop knives look like prop knives, and for every honestly uncomfortable thing (like Peter enjoying his dinner of toadstools and roast cat) there's something that falls flat (the ear in the box is no more than an anticlimax). It's still a hell of a lot of fun to watch, though, mostly because of the perfect balance struck by never making the awful characters so awful that we don't like them in spite of it all.  It's full of scenes and lines I would have loved to see the Brains run with, and a great movie to show your friends and munch popcorn while you watch their reactions.

If you're interested, there is a real-world medical condition that is strongly reminiscent of the fictional Merrye Syndrome.  This is Fatal Familial Insomnia, a genetic disease in which a toxic protein, called a prion, slowly accumulates in the brain over the course of decades. Symptoms don't start to show until adulthood, but as the prions build up the sufferer experiences hallucinations, memory loss, convulsions, dementia, and a complete inability to sleep.  It runs in families, but you can also acquire it by random genetic mutation – and once it sets in, you have no more than two years to live.

Sweet dreams!

[jenmedsbookreviews]

No exciting nature shots to share with you this week I’m afraid folks. After a long weekend away last weekend for Bloody Scotland, this week has been all about work. Straight back into it on Tuesday delivering a training course for two days. Thursday I spent a good part of the day driving back up north to Airdrie as I was due to spend the day on Friday out with one of my delivery team. It was his first time out with our new POD system after being trained last week and the first time I’ve been out on a van in quite some time. Won’t be the last.

Had a cracking day out but after being in work for 06:00, spending the day making deliveries around Irvine, then at around 15:00 doing the slow drive back home, I was absolutely shattered. It meant the weekend has been spent catching up on all of the household gubbings I have missed like doing a grocery shop, shoving my clobber in the wash, buying new pillows… you know. The usual.

While I was raiding Dunelm (other shops are available), I picked up Luna a teddy bear blanket. She absolutely loves it. I know this because from the moment she jumped on my bed the first night she started purring and padding away at it. The purring lasted a good ten minutes until she finally fell asleep. After a feed the next morning she jumped back on my bed – same again. She crawled up a ways onto the duvet and had a bit of a fuss – nothing. As soon as she walked back down to her blanket that happy rhythm started up again.

I think I have been forgiven for abandoning her all the time. Either that or she just likes the blanket so much she has forgotten me entirely. Hey ho.

But back to the real reason I’m here. The books. No book post this week 😦 Unloved again, but that’s not a bad thing to be fair. I ‘collected’ a fair few last weekend. ARC wise I had just the three (whoops) from NetGalley – one of which was for a blog tour, another a Christmas feature. I received Barbara Copperthwaite’s Her Last Secret; Fiona Neill’s The Betrayals and The Usual Santas, a collection of Christmas crime capers from a variety of authors.

Purchase wise I’ve been very good. I only purchased 1 book. Well, preordered technically and that was Barbara Copperthwaite’s new book, out next month. I know right? See. I told you I’d been busy.

Busy… reading as it happens. Had a stonkingly good week book wise. Finished the audio book that I started last weekend, listened to another and read four actual book books. Go me. I feel accomplished. Now all I have to do is actually write the reviews…

Books I have read

Love Like Blood (Audio) by Mark Billingham

A BLOODY MESSAGE As DI Nicola Tanner investigates what appears to be a series of organised killings, her partner Susan is brutally murdered, leaving the detective bereft, and vengeful.

A POWERFUL ALLY Taken off the case, Tanner enlists the help of DI Tom Thorne to pursue a pair of ruthless killers and the broker handing out the deadly contracts.

A CONSPIRACY OF SILENCE As the killers target their latest victim, Thorne takes the biggest risk of his career and is drawn into a horrifying and disturbing world in which families will do anything to protect their honour.

Wow. What a powerful book. As anyone who saw the recent ‘Written In Blood’ Tv show will know, this book was inspired by a true story, that of Banaz Mahmod, who was tortured and murdered by her own family for falling in love with the wrong person. A so called ‘honour killing’. This book both moved and shocked me in equal measure, as Mark Billingham captured the subject perfectly, the unique elements of humour lighting what could otherwise have been a   very dark tale. My review will be posted in the coming weeks but you can purchase the book for yourself here.

…

The Surrogate by Louise Jensen

‘You know that feeling? When you want something so badly, you almost feel you’d kill for it?’ 

Be careful what you wish for…

Kat and her husband Nick have tried everything to become parents, and are on the point of giving up. Then a chance encounter with Kat’s childhood friend Lisa gives Kat and Nick one last chance to achieve their dream. 

But Kat and Lisa’s history hides dark secrets. 

And there is more to Lisa than meets the eye. 

As dangerous cracks start to appear in Kat’s perfect picture of happily-ever-after, she realises that she must face her fear of the past to save her family… 

From the no. 1 bestselling author of The Sister and The Gift, this is an unputdownable psychological thriller which asks how far we will go to create our perfect family. 

Oh my. What a story. More than simply a story about a woman desperate to become a mother, this encapsulates the power that a lie told or a secret kept can hold when finally it is uncovered. Forced to face her past and a secret she has never told her husband, Kat is not too keen on what she sees. But she’s not the only one keeping things back. Twisted with a slow building tension, nothing in this book is what it seems. You can preorder a copy here.

…

House Of Spines by Michael J Malone

Ran McGhie’s world has been turned upside down. A young, lonely and frustrated writer, and suffering from mental-health problems, he discovers that his long-dead mother was related to one of Glasgow’s oldest merchant families. Not only that, but Ran has inherited Newton Hall, a vast mansion that belonged to his great-uncle, who appears to have been watching from afar as his estranged great-nephew has grown up.

Entering his new-found home, he finds that Great-Uncle Fitzpatrick has turned it into a temple to the written word – the perfect place for poet Ran. But everything is not as it seems. As he explores the Hall’s endless corridors, Ran’s grasp on reality appears to be loosening. And then he comes across an ancient lift; and in that lift a mirror. And in the mirror … the reflection of a woman …

A terrifying psychological thriller with more than a hint of the Gothic, House of Spines is a love letter to the power of books, and an exploration of how lust and betrayal can be deadly…

Wow. Part gothic ghost story, part pyschological thriller, it’s hard to know how to describe this book and still do it justice. It certainly kept me turning page after page, combining all that I like about literature – horror and thriller blending seemlessly to create an unnerving tale with echoes of Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House, a book I absolutely love. I’ll be sharing my thoughts in full next week but do yourself and bag a copy by following the link here.

…

The Unexpected Inheritance of Inspector Chopra by Vaseem Khan

Mumbai, murder and a baby elephant combine in a charming, joyful mystery for fans of Alexander McCall Smith and Rachel Joyce.

On the day he retires, Inspector Ashwin Chopra discovers that he has inherited an elephant: an unlikely gift that could not be more inconvenient. For Chopra has one last case to solve…

But as his murder investigation leads him across Mumbai – from its richest mansions to its murky underworld – he quickly discovers that a baby elephant may be exactly what an honest man needs. 

So begins the start of a quite unexpected partnership, and an utterly delightful new series.

Last weekend I received rather a lovely email, inviting me to be part of a reviewing team for First Monday Crime, a once a month panel held down in London. The plan is to review books from the authors featured on the panel. November’s panel includes the lovely Vaseem Khan, so it seemed the perfect time to break out the audio books on my trip up to Airdrie. And who doesn’t love an elephant right? Well at the beginning of this story, Inspector Chopra is not too chuffed to find himself the proud owner of baby Ganesh. A truly intriguing story and one which captures the spirit of Mumbai through the eyes of a retired Police Inspector and a young elephant with a rather unusual gift. You can see my full review in the coming weeks, but in the meantime why not order a copy here.

…

We’ll Always Have Christmas by Jenny Hale

An enchanting story about the magic of Christmas, the importance of family, and the joy of falling in love during the most romantic season of the year…

Christmas has always been a special time for Noelle Parker. Winter evenings spent with family and friends, drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies at her family’s cozy bakery have shaped her love for all things festive. But this year everything is changing…

The beloved bakery is facing closure and Noelle needs a miracle to save Christmas.

Determined to raise funds for the family business, Noelle sets about revamping the bakery while juggling a surprise new job, caring for the elderly and cantankerous William Harrington in his luxurious, sprawling mansion.

As Noelle melts the frostiness of the house with cake baking, snowball fights and glittering decorations, she helps William to reconnect with a romance that has spanned decades and unexpectedly finds herself falling for his grandson – the gorgeous but mysterious Alexander Harrington…

In the countdown to Christmas, can Noelle save the bakery, reunite a family and create some magical memories of her own along the way?

Aww. My first Christmas book of 2017 and what a book it is. Single mom Noelle is facing unemployment, the loss of her Gram’s beloved bakery and an uncertain Christmas and future. When she is offered a job as a carer to an elderly gentleman it is the perfect lifeline – until she learns that she will be working for the very man threatening the bakery’s future. A heart warming romance written in a beautiful style, I raced through this in one evening. My review will be up soon as part of the blog tour but in the meantime why not preorder a copy here.

…

The Man Who Died by Antti Tuomainen

A successful entrepreneur in the mushroom industry, Jaakko Kaunismaa is a man in his prime. At just 37 years of age, he is shocked when his doctor tells him that he’s dying. What is more, the cause is discovered to be prolonged exposure to toxins; in other words, someone has slowly but surely been poisoning him.

Determined to find out who wants him dead, Jaakko embarks on a suspenseful rollercoaster journey full of unusual characters, bizarre situations and unexpected twists.

With a nod to Fargo and the best elements of the Scandinavian noir tradition, The Man Who Died is a page-turning thriller brimming with the blackest comedy surrounding life and death, and love and betrayal, markinng a stunning new departure for the King of Helsinki Noir.

Who knew mushrooms could be so deadly. Well, aside from anyone who has ever accidentally eaten a poisonous mushroom that is… I loved this book. I love the blend of hunour and mystery. I love the true sense of place and setting you get when reading Antti Tuomainen’s work. I love the simple and understated way in which the story makes me smile, the way the darker moments of humour make me chuckle out loud. I love the fact that I only started reading this as a break from writing up reviews and yet I powered my way through it in one evening. If you take one thing from my post today, let it be ‘buy this book’. You can do so by pre-ordering it right here. Genius.

…

Quite a week huh? Can’t quite believe it myself, but then it’s a lot easier when I can travel and manage an audio book or two. I’ll be listening to the second Inspector Chopra book later this week as I head back to Scotland again for a meeting. Some sacrifices have to be made I’m afraid 😉

Blog wise I had another full week, with a little help from the big sis. I’m still running my giveaway for another week so if you fancy some Scottish themed goodies, enter away.

Cover Reveal: Barbara Copperthwaite and Bookouture

A weekend to remember. @Bloodyscotland Roundup September 17 + Giveaway

#Booklove: Patricia M Osborne

Review: The Dragonfly by Kate Dunn

#BlogBlitz: The Missing Girls by Carol Wyer

#BookLove: Eve Seymour

Review: You Don’t Know Me by Imran Mahmood

The week ahead is pretty full on two. This morning I had a fab guest post from author Alison Brodie about her new book, Zenka. Tomorrow is a double whammy with an author interivew with Billy McLaughlin as part of the blog tour for The Daughter, plus I’ll have my review of She Did It by Mel Sherratt. Wednesday is my turn on the blog blitz for Cold Blood by Robert Bryndza and I have two more blog tours planned for The Frozen Woman and Reach For The Stars on Friday and Saturday. On top of all of that I’ll be sharing the #booklove with author Patricia Furstenberg and rounding out the week with a new review.

Busy Busy Busy. Loving it. I have a punishing schedule at work over the next few weeks but I’m determined to keep up with everything bloggish. If I’m quiet on Social Media, don’t panic. I’m still around but books and reading come second only to work this week.

Have a fabulously bookish week and see you next Monday

Jen

Rewind, recap: Weekly update w/e 17/09/17 No exciting nature shots to share with you this week I'm afraid folks. After a long weekend away last weekend for Bloody Scotland, this week has been all about work.