#if Suzanne ever finds my blog she is going to kill me

[barbreypilled]

I want to Poste about piss ocs

[galaxygal618]

Hiii everybody this is my blog and I can do whatever I want. Wilmaposting commencing now.

Hi everybody this is Wilma you may have seen her around on this blog a little and my art blog and if you remember an rp blog of her well. heart <3

actually this is getting long already im gonna put stuff under a readmore. wilma posting will be tagged with "#wilmaposting" but ur a coward if u block it (heart emoji). there will be lots of posts godwilling but this is the first big one and its gonna be Long sorry not sorry

it is also 1:54 in the morning as I am posting this. heart. it is long and rambly. be warned.

Wilma started as a genderbent Will Cipher from the Reverse Falls au but over the . what . almost 9 or so years that I've had her shes kinda morphed into her own person and is honestly an oc at this point. but i finally got over my internal cringe and everything and then the BoB came out and i started having fun w her again and also. theres a couple other blogs on here that i wont tag but esp tumblr user moonesaiky that like. fr giving me the courage to post about her without thinking everyone is gonna kill me with sticks and rocks . I'm showing her off mmhm you get to hear all about her and her little version of the falls <3<3<3

shes so fucked up and shes evil and i love her . but shes also my poor little meow meow who has never done anything wrong in her life ever (Not True)

been workshopping her story a bit and the way i like hers to go because its always a little different in my mind than like regular reverse falls, like when i do imagine proper regular reverse falls the story goes a bit different, but thats not super important rn. anyway the concepts are still concepting. a lot of it is built off things i had written originally with friends over these last 9 or so years but also ive been out of the rp circles for a WHILE now and well. theyre my ocs at this point lol. im not rping i can do whatever i have custody or whatever the story can go exactly as I want it now kjasdjskad

Ive kept a couple names but also some ive changed!! you might have seen on my art blog Sophia Gleeful. that changed recently. she's suzanne now.

obviously. the biggest difference. they r girls (plus michael and pasha. heart.). Wilma Cipher, Suzanne (Anne) Gleeful, Suzette (Sue) Gleeful, Viola-Jane Anion McGucket (I think im keeping her last name idk we're workshopping Viola still), Gwendolyn (Gwen) Pines, and Pasha Southeast

basic rundown !!!

Wilma, being a 2 dimensional being herself, has a real hard time getting into 3D worlds. She can usually weasel her way in through some crack in space and time, but sometimes theres things that prevent her from doing so. Which is Frustrating when she's got her eye set on a silly little world she realllllllly feels like taking over and ruling for a while and having Fun.

Now, she's done this a million times before, being the multi trillion year old Thing she is. and sometimes it works out pretty good but sometimes it doesnt! but its fiiiiiine

one of these worlds shes got her eye set on happens to be a particular version of earth . she's tried a few times to worm her way in but she cant quite seem to find a crack :/ but thats okay!

its taken her a very long time, but she planted some seeds of sorts, having gotten into peoples minds, and while shes had a few failed attempts at getting someone to help her slip through into the physical realm, she's still planted enough evidence of herself that someone is bound to come along that she can use to get her through!

And that someone is Suzanne Gleeful. A world renowned scientist who came from quite a lot of money has somewhat recently moved to this silly little town of Gravity Falls, to continue her research and studies.

not too super different from canon, long story short she stumbles upon and summons Wilma up and Wilma to herself is like omggg this is PERFECT i should be able to use her to get in just fine and then i can have soooo much fun (read: endless party under an iron fist)

Wilma fills Anne's head with visions of grandeur and tells her that shes a muse and that she can help her with all her research and whatnot if she just does this litttttttttle thing for her <3 she just has to help her find a way into this world so she can be there physically too <3

And like. Wilma knows already that Suzanne is Fucked Up but listen that's what makes it all so much more fun !! Wilma's fucked up and sick in the head, Suzanne's fucked up and sick in the head, aren't they great together? Perfect candidate to use as a puppet to achieve her needs. Maybe she can even let her stick around once the party has started!

And obvs Suzanne isn't dumb like. Yeah obvs she shouldn't just trust this weird ass triangle that appears in her dreams but yknow what. Promises of magic and knowledge go a hell of a long way.

If Anne can get Wilma into this world, she'll share her magic with her and help her with her wildest dreams.

And so they start working together!! Anne calls up her lovely friend Viola-Jane and Viola comes and starts helping Anne w/ her plans and whatnot and its soooo great mmhm. Anne and Viola are definitely not sapphics and definitely dont have feelings for each other even tho Viola literally has a husband thats Not Important. It's also not important that Wilma and Anne start developing feelings for each other its fiiiiine.

Its extremely important actually but. well. dont worry about it im suuuure itll end up all fine! thats what wilma says! she can let anne rule with her by her side its okay!!

Now. Idk if they actually do the whole portal thing but . anyway . viola doesnt trust wilma but she does recognize like how awesome having something like that on their side could be and helps anne get her here. we're workshopping still how it actually does happen.

And then she's here <3 Wilma Cipher in the flesh !! She's chilling!! What a RELIEF to finally have a body here!!

And. Sure. She's gonna start taking over the world pretty soon but. Oh it's just so peaceful right now, just the two-three of them (viola might be a little back and forth she just had a baby w her husband or whatever. she gets divorced dw about it.) Wilma might as well just chill out and help Anne with her research and whatnot.

And so she does! She's even a willing test subject, for a while! I mean, what's better than having a body you can experiment on without worrying about ethics or recovery time or needing new cadavers all the time- Wilma's a doctor anyway (will elaborate later) and honestly it's kind of hot when Anne straps her down to the operating table and digs around in her guts while she's all numbed up but fully conscious and they can banter and flirt. its kinda hot. leave her alone let her be let her live its kinda hot.

Wilma is also keeping up her end of the bargain and sharing her magic with Suzanne- not too much, but plenty enough to make her feel truly powerful.

Wilma's having a great time though shes being soooo silly with her. partner. and also her partner's . other partner . (none of them are labelling this as anything other than Partner. lab partner? romantic partner? life partner? dont worry about it) even if she and viola don't really get along. its fine. shes having a really great time, she's probably going to actually start her oddpocalypse soon enough!

but alas. all good things must come to an end.

Anne starts getting more and more power hungry. she starts pushing boundaries and getting slowly more and more twisted. But it's fineeee its nothing Wilma can't handle, besides, she does love an evil hot fucked up woman.

She's even daydreaming about getting married.

It's going. Mostly Fine. until one day.

Suzanne calls Wilma into her office. And she's like "Wilma darling love babygirl I have a surprise for you" and wilma honestly thinks shes going to propose right then and there.

Wilma sits across from her and Suzanne gets up and she wraps her arms around Wilma from behind and they hum and Wilma closes her eyes and she's even a little giggly and she feels Suzanne's hands rest on her neck.

And then she feels something heavy around her neck. And she's confused.

She reaches up and feels a thick, heavy collar and chain...? And it feels like the magic that flows through her, the same magic she's sharing with Suzanne

She was confused, kind of scared, and thought honestly that it was some kind of weird joke

She stood up and asked what in the world was Suzanne doing, but she just grabbed her hands- and then her wrists

Where glowing yellow shackles appeared as well.

Wilma was in denial as it was all happening, it had to be some kind of cruel joke, her. partner. wasnt binding and imprisoning and trapping her- HER, of all people! The most powerful creature this plane of existence had ever seen!

Except ummm that's exactly what was happening.

Now, while Anne loves her pretty little butterfly, she can't just let her go around loose and risk letting her wreak havoc and maybe even destroy this world. She knows Wilma's got more behind her eyes than she seems, Suzanne knows she can't risk that.

And. Now. While Wilma really does love her with her whole heart, she does start to lunge to fight back- but she feels her body involuntarily stop as Anne holds up a hand.

She was truly under her control.

From then on out, any orders given to her she had to complete, and was physically unable to obey. She was not allowed to lie to Suzanne, she was not allowed to harm her, and she was going to do whatever she said. Wilma's magic was incredibly restricted- sure, she was a being of infinite energy, but that energy could be throttled. The water still runs when you turn on the hose, but only a little comes out when you pinch it.

But as long as she cooperated, everything would be fine <3

[transmasc-wizard]

hi um can you recommend some good books for me to read?

I really wanna read smth but not sure what

yeah sure! be warned idk what you like to read so i'm just gonna rec things i personally enjoy lol

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett: a demon and an angel team up to raise the antichrist so he'll be neutral and the world won't end. However, the week of Armageddon, they realize they raised the wrong kid, and now it's a race against time to find the real antichrist before it's too late. (Urban fantasy)

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio: in their last year of a prestigious school, a friend group fractures and changes when they all silently watch one of their own die--without trying to save him. They must keep their secret if they don't want to face serious consequences, but the longer they hide, the more other secrets they reveal. (Thriller, dark academia)

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins: ok you probably know what this one is about. but if not. 24 kids are thrown into an arena to kill each other for the entertainment of the rich and powerful Capitol citizens each year, and when Katniss Everdeen takes her younger sister's place, she must constantly fight to survive. (Dystopian)

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo: six criminals work together to attempt the heist of a lifetime; kidnapping the creator of jurda parem, a drug that changes the powers of Grisha (witches), from the high-security Ice Court. (Epic fantasy, heist)

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater: Blue Sargent is cursed to kill her true love. When her psychic aunt sees her true love's future ghost, Blue is shortly thereafter pulled by said true love and his friends into a plan to find the body of a dead Welsh King, wake him up, and make him grant them a wish. it is absolutely absurd and it is my favourite book series ever (TRB is the 1st book). (Urban Fantasy)

Sal and Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Hernandez: Sal Vidon has the power to pull things from one universe and into another. When he starts experimenting with just how far his powers can go only to accidentally begin tearing apart the universe itself, he'll need the help of Gabi Real to put things back together. Hijinks ensue. (Urban fantasy/sci fi)

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee: Noah runs a blog that showcases trans people's romances, to prove they can get happy endings too--but when it's leaked that he made them all up, he has to quickly concoct a plan to set his own fake romance in motion to prove trans happiness in relationships is possible. Hijinks ensue, again. (romcom)

i also yell about books a lot on @nico-reads so i'm sure you could find more recs scrolling through there

[katnissmellarkkk]

Alrightttt, I’m on a roll so we’re going onto chappy five 🥳🥳🥳😎😎

I know the movies made the Capitol — re: basically only Effie and maybe Caesar — have those ridiculous made up accents but .... I actually feel like the description of the Capitol accent in the book is supposed to be like the Kardashians or Paris Hilton’s voice. 🤷🏼‍♀️

“Why do these people speak in such a high pitch? Why do their jaws barely open when they talk? Why do the ends of their sentences go up as if they're asking a question? Odd vowels, clipped words, and always a hiss on the letter s. no wonder it's impossible not to mimic them.” Like this is a pretty good description of how Kim Kardashian and her sisters talk. And Suzzy C did say she was inspired by the juxtaposition between war news footage and ridiculous reality television shows so... I think my theory of the Capitol all talking like they’re on the Real Housewives of LA is pretty valid.

Just imagine Paris Hilton as Effie and Nicole Richie as one of her preps

Lolololol this whole section of waxing is reminding me to go get my legs waxed 😭😭😭 straight up calling me out here, Suzanne

I like how Katniss says her stylist “apparently has no interest in seeing her until the prep team has addressed obvious problems.” Like you can tell from her narration she was expecting to feel the same was about Cinna that she does about Effie and her prep team.

The “gritty loam that takes off dirt and three layers of skin” is probably just a strong exfoliator 😭😭😭 my girl knows nothing about quality skincare 🤧🤧 someone build a Panem Sephora

She mentioned them waxing her underarms.... girl, did you have hairy armpits before this? Idk why this revelation is new to me

“Grease her down!” Just sounds wrong 😅😅😅😅 I need to stop being annoying omg I’m like a twelve year old

Hmm it’s funny to me that Katniss refers to Octavia as plump. You’d think in a place like the Capitol body image and weight would be very important. Unless it’s like back in the old, old days when being overweight was a sign of wealth. Which would make more sense so this was an unnecessary thought process curtesy of Samantha

Katniss faking a smile and thanking her prep team shows she does know how to play the game and fake it better than she says.

So ... okay, hear me out, I’m not trying to get over the top or make this into something it’s not but ... the whole stylists / Cinna coming into the room and staring at her naked is a little weird. Especially considering Cinna isn’t Lenny Kravitz who’s like a bit older than her but actually like a twenty-something year old dude.

But okay, here’s the thing I was getting at ... Cinna’s one of the best people in this series and you can’t deny that. Even if you find him boring, he’s still one of Katniss’ closest people. Also he’s probably gay. But like ... what about the other stylists? I don’t wanna be that person who makes everything more than it is, but like, this scene just sounds like a perfect opportunity for some Capitol creep to assault a teenager idk I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill just ignore Samantha okay.

That’s nice that he complimented her mama though 🥰🥰🥰

So Katniss calls District Twelve the least desirable district but ... doesn’t District Eleven suck too? Like she also later says District Twelve is the smallest and the poorest but doesn’t she also say Rue is worse off than her and Prim? Make up your mind, Suz.

Cinna claims he asked for District Twelve but did he really get an option? 😅 If it’s his first year and Katniss claims the newbies get them anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ Samantha is once again, reading too much into this.

Awww, Katniss is thinking about how long it would take for her to assemble this fancy meal at home 🤧🤧🤧 it would take her days and the Capitol just has the necessary resources at their disposal and they just takes it for granted. And yes, I’m aware this is supposed to be calling all us readers out who take so much for granted I know. We’re the Capitol.

“How would I spend the hours I now commit to combing the woods for sustenance if it were so easy to come by?” It’s honestly so sad but so vital to her character that Katniss has zero hobbies or real free time. Her life is about surviving. She doesn’t get to live or enjoy very much of her time. She dedicates everything to keeping Prim — and her mother — alive, sacrificing everything a teenage girl should be doing. Sacrificing even the things the other girls in her world get to do. She mentions the merchant girls and the Seam girls who are more experienced romantically and sexually and socially than her. Because she doesn’t get to be a kid or innocent or even happy, in order to focus on her and her family’s survival. And the things she does enjoy, like spending time with Gale or dancing with Prim (mentioned in Mockingjay) she downplays in case they’re taken away, because nothing good is secure in her eyes. 🥺🥺🥺

Okay but what did Katniss’ facial expression give away that Cinna knew exactly what she was thinking? Or is she just less emotionless than she and Haymitch both claim? Ironically I think they’re the only people who call her emotionless which can easily be chalked up to their self-hate and terrible self-esteems.

Katniss is so afraid they’re gonna make her be naked for the parade 😭. Honestly though they’re children that’s so creepy that they’re even allowed to make 15/16/17 year olds be naked in a parade. I mean I know they kill kids every year but isn’t there like child pornography laws in Panem? 😭

“You’re not afraid of fire, are you, Katniss?” Is so foreshadowing 😭😂😅😎 Caesar Flickerman’s voice “Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!”

Honestly though Cinna is smart to make Katniss recognizable in the arena by leaving her with simple makeup. I know and the sky is blue we all know this already beating the dead horses until the farmer comes home.

“It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.” It’s true though 😅😅😅😭😭 he was always a rebel. I actually think he may have asked for District Twelve after Katniss volunteered, because he saw the potential in her. Poor Peeta. Baby, I’m rooting you for even if no one else is.

Also I always found it a bit .... curious? That Peeta had a female stylist and Katniss had a male one? Not just because of the required nudity, you’d just think men would do better as a boy’s stylist and a woman would make a better girl’s stylist. So yes, my whole Cinna was interested in District Twelve because Katniss seemed like a good symbol for a rebellion idea seems very plausible.

I know I know I know I read wayyy too much into this stuff sometimes a cigarette 🚬 is just a cigarette 🚬

Katniss being relieved when Peeta shows up 😭😭😭 because even if she won’t admit it and even if she won’t let herself trust him, she still sees him unconsciously and completely against her will as a comfort because they’re in this thing together in a way, even if they’re supposed to try and kill each other

And honestly, it’s such a like... relatable feeling? To feel alone and nervous and uptight and then someone who you recognize — even if you maybe aren’t even friends with but you at least know — shows up and you just instantly feel less alone. I’m totally looking at this through shipper goggles and I’m not even ashamed you all knew who’s blogging you were reading ight? 😂🤣🤷🏼‍♀️

“He should know about fire, being a baker's son and all.” And he’s gonna learn a lot more about it when he falls in love — for real, falls in love, not a childhood infatuation — with the girl on fire. 🥰🥰🥰

But also, I love this particular line on a reread because it totally is an indicator towards their future. Like Peeta knows about fire, he’s experienced with how to handle it, and later on, he becomes the only person who truly comes to understand Katniss, who represents fire, in a way that no one else could ever imagine.

Hmmm, Katniss’ point of view here, talking about how Portia and Peeta’s team seem all giddy and air-headed and it’s only Cinna who seems reserved makes me rethink my previous imaginings of Peeta’s stylist. Maybe she’s just a Capitolite idiot and nothing like Cinna. And my baby got a raw deal here then too. Good thing Haymitch loves him more. Just kidding 😅😅😅

But also I wanna know why Cinna is hesitant to accept congratulations for his and Portia’s idea? Wasn’t he at least lowkey excited about it when he pitched it a page ago?

Their horses are coal black 🐴 😅. I like that they went the whole nine yards with the theme. Nothing but the best for the kids on Death Row.

Aww Katniss asking Peeta what he thinks about being set on fire is so sweet and pure for some reason. I just find their commodore here cute ok

“I'll rip off your cape if you'll rip off mine” this is literally their first friend type of interaction and it’s so pure y’all leave me be I’m emotional for them

🙃 Also lowkey reminds me of “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Everyone look away ok I’m sorry

Peeta’s shady/annoyed Haymitch comment and Katniss’ joke at his expense 🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂🥲🥲☺️🥲🥲 they’re bonding it’s so presh

“And suddenly we're both laughing.” I hope they laugh a lot together post-canon 🥲🥲🥲. If they can make the other laugh during their terrible circumstances, then they can make the other laugh anywhere. 🤧 Except in Thirteen because he’s hijacked and she’s certifiable and they’re both so used and abused and 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay I have to say, Suzanne Collins really builds up a lot for certain events and then just like grazes over the actual action of said event? Like she builds towards the tribute parade but then kind of rushes through off the actual event itself? It’s a common theme in her writing. And I don’t like it at all ngl.

Oh wait she doesn’t actually rush the parade events the paragraph before just looked like she was about to I jumped the gun 🤣😂🤭 but what I said is still completely true for many events in these books sorry not sorry

I’m definitely reading too much into it but the fact that District One — the favorite of the Capitol — gets snow white horses and District Twelve gets coal black horsies kind of ... seems to imply something .... 🤭

Cinna just lets out a sigh of relief “it worked” like ... way to fill your tributes with hope, dude. “Yeah, you’re totally safe, don’t be scared-OH THANK GOD THAT WORKED I wasn’t actually sure you wouldn’t blow up.” But actually this answers my previous inquiry about why he seemed hesitant I guess he wasn’t even sure this wouldn’t burn them up that’s nice 🤭🙃

It’s a literal trial by fire *cue drum hit* 🥁 aww, I just cracked myself up 😭

“Then he gently tucks a hand under my chin. "Remember, heads high. Smiles. They're going to love you!" This is caught halfway between being very Capitol-y and very father-brotherly and idk which way to take it but it’s kind of cute 🤭

“For the first time, I look at him and realize that ablaze with the fake flames, he is dazzling.” This is such a significant line because Katniss isn’t saying Peeta is technically good looking (like when Haymitch said they were decently attractive) or someone else thinks he’s good looking (i.e Gale, her mother and lowkey Finnick) but she’s saying she herself thinks he’s attractive. Girl, your crush is showing.

"I think he said for us to hold hands," says Peeta.” I’m sure Cinna actually did say that but this just seems like a very good opportunity for Peeta to hold the hand of the girl he has a massive crush on. 😭😭😭

Okay Cinna gave a thumbs up so he actually was saying that but can you imagine Peeta’s excitement right now?

I mean, yeahhhh, there’s the certain death looming over him too but like live in the moment, babe. 🥰😘🤗👌🏻

I like that Katniss says the crowd is at first like 😳😳😳 before they start cheering like they’re thinking “what are these backwoods, hillbilly kids doing this year?”

“At first, I'm frozen, but then I catch sight of us on a large television screen and am floored by how breathtaking we look. In the deepening twilight, the firelight illuminates our faces” okay they both have to be pretty naturally attractive people objectively, because you illuminate my face without much makeup and no one is gonna be cheering.

“Remember, heads high. Smiles. They're going to love you! I hear Cinna's voice in my head. I lift my chin a bit higher, put on my most winning smile, and wave with my free hand.” I wonder what the true difference is for Katniss between Cinna and Effie saying this to her? Maybe it’s that Effie is just outright mean to her sometimes whereas Cinna shows her nothing but kindness from the start and expresses sympathy and understanding? It’s probably that he’s already earning her trust versus Effie who’s just cruel I’m not over her comments on the train ok

“I'm glad now I have Peeta to clutch for balance, he is so steady, solid as a rock.” Right from the start, Katniss refers to Peeta as solid and steady. Idk, I feel like this is something that the movies really misses along the way. Katniss wasn’t always strong or confident at all and Peeta, at least publicly, exuded those qualities pretty well. Samantha’s complaining again ™️ 💁🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Also this is just outright foreshadowing how Peeta will eventually become her rock. Or that he will be soon painted a rock ... pick and choose which way you wanna go with this. 🤷🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️😅🤣

“As I gain confidence, I actually blow a few kisses to the crowd.” Okay, see I feel like Peeta really gives Katniss confidence in herself. If he’d been there in District Thirteen and they’d done propos together, she probably would have been a thousand times better.

But also this makes me think Katniss actually has it in her to be a charismatic, confident, alluring celebrity. She just chooses not to. 🤗🤗🤗

But this also reminds me of “She has no idea the effect she can have” okay imma move on and stop focusing on every little detail

I say that every chapter 🤧😅

“The pounding music, the cheers, the admiration work their way into my blood, and I can't suppress my excitement.” Say whatever you want, Katniss is still such a girl underneath it all. She gets excited over people liking her and cheering her on. And I know it’s because it increases her chances of getting sponsors but still

Honestly Peeta trying to showcase Katniss and let her take the spotlight is so selfless and indicative of his ultimate plan to help her win but also ... I can see how Katniss would believe it’s too good to be true and he’s messing with her. That he’s just playing the game to earn her trust, get her guard down and manipulate her later.

See, Peeta is actually framed at the start like the typical, standard YA love interest turned villain. In majority of YA books, at this point the boy is kind and sweet and helpful to the girl until she trusts him completely and then he turns on her and uses everything she gave him to destroy her. But the difference is, Katniss refuses to truly trust him and she is guessing his game incorrectly at every step. And then it’s revealed that it was never a game and he truly isn’t messing with her and everything he’s done that’s seem too good to be true and not even remotely plausible has actually been genuine and heartfelt and that, my friends, is why Peeta is above all other YA love interests. Because Everlark is actually the foil to many of the cliches. That was a long speech over some incoherent thoughts I’m so sorry if you suffered through that.

“It's not until we enter the City Circle that I realize I must have completely stopped the circulation in Peeta's hand. That's how tightly I've been holding it.” Awww he is her rock 😭🤧🥺

"No, don't let go of me," he says. The firelight flickers off his blue eyes. "Please. I might fall out of this thing." Okay this part is so cute and so blatantly setting Peeta up as her main love interest omg 😅 this isn’t the least bit subtle or disguised. But first off, the fact that Katniss is also Peeta’s stability here too 😭😭😭 and second of all, she takes time to notice his blue eyes against the firelight? She was attracted to him from the very start, y’all. That’s indisputable. 👌🏻😎🤧

“It's not really fair to present us as a team and then lock us into the arena to kill each other.” I agree with you, baby, it’s not fair at all. But you two take care of that situation nicely. Or not. Y’all do start a dang war. 🤭🤭🙃🙃

It’s rather ... ironic that it’s District Twelve’s chariot of them all that is pulled up and stopped directly in front of President Snow’s mansion. I know it’s a book, certain details like this are definitively contrived, I know get over it. 🤦🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️

So uh. Snow is a small thin man? Why do I suddenly imagine Danny Devito as Snow 😅😅😅😅🤣🤣🤣🤣 y’all know he’d kill the role

“The darker it becomes, the more difficult it is to take your eyes off our flickering.” Okay, this is such a great line and it’s so significant to the rest of the series? The fact that Katniss — and Peeta, let’s not forget our boy — became symbols of the revolution. Like this line is deep if you think about it. The worse things in Panem got, the more the civilians looked towards Katniss and Peeta for hope 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰

Omg now after Songbirds and Snakes, we know the national anthem. I’m sorry, babies, that you have to endure that I’ll get you out of there 🙉🙉🙉

I feel like in part, the Capitol camera crew — Cressida, Pollux .... Pollux’s brother... is that you here???? — put so much attention on District Twelve because it would create some resentment and competition between them and the careers 🤭🤗

“I notice a lot of the other tributes are shooting us dirty looks, which confirms what I've suspected, we've literally outshone them all.” Insert Gretchen Wieners “I can’t help that I’m popular!” 😅😅😅😅😅

“I realize I'm still glued to Peeta and force my stiff fingers to open. We both massage our hands.” — they were hanging on so tight 😭😭😭😭

“Thanks for keeping hold of me.” He’s so sweet ☺️☺️☺️ I love him even if he’s kind of an idiot sometimes but so is Katniss so let’s not point fingers

“I'm sure they didn't notice anything but you. [...] And then he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness” Omg I know Katniss views this as him trying to manipulate her but the fact that he’s actually just admitting the way he’s felt for years is so 😭😭😭😭 if only you’d spit it out sooner, Bready

“he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.” She literally has a crush on her fellow tribute and her first line of defense is to decide he out to get her for making her feel this way 🤣😭🙃

“The more likable he is, the more deadly he is.” The more my crush grows, the more deadly he becomes. I know I’m reading this with shipper goggles but guess what? I’m unashamed. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ who feels guilty for reading this book with an Everlark bias not this girl right here 🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

“I stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. Right on his bruise.” Okay first off, she says cheek here but according to a chapter ago, she claimed the mark was on his jaw... so in other words, she’s incredibly short. If a medium height guy has a bruise on his jaw and she has to stand on her tip toe to reach it... well... hashtag LittleKatniss

And second off.... can you even imagine how Peeta must feel. He genuinely complimented her here, the girl he has had a crush on forever, and she responds by kissing his cheek. He was probably really happy at this moment. And also this probably played further into his buying into her false display in the arena. That here we have her clutching his hand, smiling and laughing with him and kissing his cheek. Idk what I was trying to say necessarily but I made myself sad wow way to go me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🤧🤧🤧

Anyways! Those are my very over the top and too detailed thoughts! Hope you enjoyed if you read this! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳😎😎😎😎😎😎😎🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[unexpectedreylo]

Yes, It’s Been Half A Decade Since TFA Was Released

Five years already?  Geez!

If you’ve been following my humble Tumblr blog since the beginning, you’ll know I was not truly a Reylo until I saw TLJ.  Before then, I was dealing with a movie that left me with a lot of mixed feelings.  Why?  I missed George Lucas for one thing.  He has an indelible style that few can match and few really cared about that universe and its characters as much as he did.  I was very unhappy to hear a month before TFA’s release that Disney tossed out his story and came up with something he didn’t really like very much (as later confirmed in Bob Iger’s memoir).  As a long-suffering prequels fan I didn’t like either the vaguely anti-prequel tone the pre-release hype took.  Whatever you do in life, don’t disrespect the man who created the GFFA. 

The post-release hype probably annoyed me even more.  Remember the doofuses screeching on t.v. that it was the best SW movie since TESB?  LOL.  (No, that would be ROTS and the only thing that came close since was TLJ.)  I hated that a movie I felt was flawed not only got passes from the media that really trashed Lucas and everybody who worked on the prequels, but also got lavish Best 10 lists and award nominations.  I was one bitter chickie for a while and later got a good laugh out of the backlash.

I thought it would be funny to post what I thought at the time, with added commentary:

Oh yes, the movie. My mother called it…it’s good, we all enjoyed it and were entertained, but Lucas’s touch is definitely missing. The romantic epic sweep of Eps I-VI, the goofy and whimsical touches, the feeling of being immersed in another galaxy, and Lucas’s gift for aesthetics aren’t there. The visuals don’t have that beauty and some of it is kinda ugly. The creature designs just aren’t as good. It’s not the kind of movie you watch dozens of times to catch little things. Even John Williams doesn’t have a knockout track like “Duel of the Fates” or “The Imperial March.” But it’s hard to think of how this was ever going to live up to any of it any more than I’d expect Suzanne Collins to write a Narnia book as good as C.S. Lewis. We lost those things when we lost Lucas.

I like the visuals a lot more now but TLJ’s cinematography rules the ST.  Still feel the same about creature design; I see better aliens and creatures on The Mandalorian.  One weird thing about the ST is how the filmmakers seemed to have avoided putting in anything at all that we’ve seen before.  No Jawas, no Togrutas, no Twi’leks, no Zabraks, no Quarren, etc.. Just Chewbacca and Admiral Ackbar.

The music didn't leave much an impression on me at the time but now I love “Rey’s Theme,” “Kylo Ren’s Theme,” and “March of the Resistance.”

As long as we’re on that note, I’ll get to the film’s flaws first. The movie has a lot of snappy, arch, and funny dialogue but you can tell the script was cranked out in a hurry. It lacks the careful structure of its predecessors and cribs a little too much from ANH. Poe disappears and you are led to believe he’s dead then he suddenly shows up healthy and hale with no explanation. Abrams’s first Star Trek film was riddled with unbelievable coincidences and unfortunately this movie has some of those too, such as when Han and Chewie just happen upon the Falcon in space. The film does very little to set up what’s going on and why, such as why the hell is the Republic fighting the same a-holes after all of these years. Abrams prefers instead to keep the action going instead of doing much exposition, which is pretty much what he did with the Trek films. Those little moments in Lucas’s Star Wars films don’t happen much here. Things must always be occurring, which dumps all of the responsibility for character development and world building on Rian Johnson and Colin Trevorrow. I have no idea why they decided to be all teasy-weasy with who Rey’s parents are instead of just telling us. (I suspect Luke is her father.)

LOL!   I guess the adoption by proxy thing at the very end of TROS proved me right or...did it?  Yes, my first assumption after seeing TFA was that Rey and Kylo Ren were cousins.

As for the rest of it, I still feel the same.  Rushed script, borrows too much from ANH, precious few explanations/set-up, not as good structure but still full of humor.

BB-8 is a charmer, Finn and Rey (who are so going to hook up) HA!  But remember I thought Rey and Kylo were cousins! have some charm and potential growth as characters, and it was great seeing our old crew again even if not under ideal circumstances. (Personally I would’ve preferred NOT to have broken up Han and Leia.) Hux had some mustache-twirling moments and Abrams was at least smart enough not to kill off him, Ren, or Snoke just yet. Finn and Poe have a good rapport (maybe they’re going to hook up).

Stormpilot definitely pinged the slash-dar.  It was completely unsurprising to find fans shipping them.

Abrams seemed to have avoided the mistake James Cameron made in “Avatar” when he killed off his most threatening villain while planning sequels. As you might have guessed, I was really shocked at Snoke’s death in TLJ.  I wasn’t expecting that until IX.  I was also really shocked at the casual, quick-get-rid-of-him ways both Hux and Ben were killed off in TROS.

The most compelling aspect of TFA for me was the Skywalker family drama, which made me wish it was more up front rather than a subplot. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren is a conflicted guy with a huge chip on his shoulder and it makes you wonder exactly what happened to him because I think he may have mental issues. Leia knows there’s still good in him but can a guy who commits patricide be saved? (RIP Han…I so knew this would happen because I figure it was the only way Ford would’ve done another film). Can his cousin/half-sister or whatever Rey save him? Would she want to? With Luke back in the picture and Artoo activated again, what will happen next? Even though they split up Han and Leia I liked the banter between them; it’s sad because they clearly still loved each other.

This is still true for me.  A few days after posting this it struck me just how nihilistic TFA was because I found Han and Leia’s split unnecessary (had Han gone out for Chinese food or on a mission for the Resistance instead of just being a loser smuggler, it wouldn’t have changed anything that happened in the film) and what I thought was Kylo’s certain fate to be a narrative bummer.  TLJ made me think they weren’t going on that direction only to be proven right in TROS (sadly).

I’ll dispense with the stupid Snoke is Plageuis theory and my dad wondering if Finn was Mace Windu’s lost son or something, though I’ll give him half a point for Finn turning out to be Force-sensitive after all.

I don’t know why people have said this takes them back to the ’70s because the film really is a 2015 movie made for an audience reared largely on the MCU, YA flicks, and other staples of contemporary geek culture. It is what it is and we aren’t going to get back the films of George Lucas and his influence. TFA might not be an awesome Star Wars movie but it is at least a good sci-fi action flick.

I still stand by most of this.  Time and TLJ made TFA a better movie in my eyes.

[ruthlessnessisyourdesire-archive]

Anonymous said: 

What are some blogs that you consider part of your rp family?

> Aww anon this is a really cool question. Well I have a particular group of people that are pretty much my always follow. I know people do those follower forever but I haven’t done any before. I get overwhelmed as it is with the amount of people who follow me but some blogs that I will never not be following are: 

@coffee-and-guns​ @theyearningtofly​ Uh hello. Have you seen the babes Lotus and Asuka? Feli has some dolls right here and I stan them to death. They don’t get the interaction or attention they deserve and I will fight until they do. Lotus is 60′s pre-tumblr babe. I’m talking OTP from the onset. He literally will destroy the city of Detroit for her. He will go to hell and back for her. It’s amazing how much this ship has taken over my life but our crazy amount of verses and aus is very telling. We have a ton of plot. Lotixty reigns supreme. And Asuka is my Connor’s waifu as well as Callum’s wife. Best babe.  @diivinerose​ Daniela is not just one beautiful muse. She is so diverse in her three verses that she is pretty much a multi. Curly is my chaos doll but also a shy bean with such great ideas. Our aus are another wild treasure trove. Each verse has something favorite in it. Each rendition I love and DD60 considers Main D his true love. Mad D is the other half of the toxicity known as Corla with my boy Corvus. The ship of Main D and Connor was a surprise in the beginning. I didn’t expect it but I’m glad it happened. Cause I just love her clinical coolness against this supposed cool machine who has more emotion than he should now as a deviant. Best Babe.  @stayhuman-genevieve​ @leaderawakened​ @pathdiverted​ Gen is amazing. Markus is tops. 52 is a babe. OK but also Amanda, Louis, Anarchy the list goes on. All of these muses are amazing and it’s just such a privilege to write with such a wonderfully developed original in Genevieve. She is 60′s weak spot. The ruthless one gave up Cyberlife for Gen. That takes some doing. But they have a ton of shit they went through including a terrorist takeover by that aforementioned Anarchy. We have such great plot ideas and I can’t get enough of them. Main Connor and Markus for my gal too. Main Markus all around. I love him damn it. Genevieve is also my Connor’s waifu. DD60 on the other hand.... just don’t let him alone with Corrupted Gen. OTP status right here. Best Babe. 

@dcwnxism​ @soulxism​​ @lethalxarsenal​ @wintcrcoded​ @resentfuldrcgon​ OK but here the list goes on as well. All of these muses canon and original are just amazing. Iron is the queen of angst. Hands down the best at making me cry. One of these days I’m gonna get her back for all the pain. lol Not only is Nines (now known as Cassius) my canon RK900 but my 60′s exclusive 900 bro. That took some doing let me say. Aiden is 60′s soulmate. Sixden is a ship I never expected but it snuck up on me. I love him. I love Lexi so much. She needs more attention. The one Gavin my Connor will put up with.... as an enemy of course. Oh and WuXian? Caleb loves him already. They will shine bright. Best Babe. 

@creatorofclay​

Did somebody ask for the only Kamski of my life? Well look no further than Kam/Ash/Clay right here not only making me appreciate Elijah but turning me to liking him as a character. I didn’t think much of him when I played the game. But let me tell you waifu right here writes him with such humanity (even when he’s being an ass) that gives such a new perspective. 60 is still on that creator nonsense but it’s in the demon au where he gets to shine with his affection or rather verbal brawls effectively with Elijah. My exclusive Kamski. Don’t @ me. Best Babe. 

@rk800isalive​ @imabittercoffee​

Waifu spotted! My platonic soulmate right here. Eme is someone who gave me a wonderful springboard for Sixty to get his hate on with Connor. That hate took a turn I never expected early on. These two wound up getting over their altercation at the tower. They wound up becoming siblings. The only Connor that 60 considers a brother in his main verse. Let me say the work up for this was some good old work. We wrote so many things with them and still do. I adore their human au. Let’s not forget Sierra. I love this bitch. She’s such a contrast to Caleb but man I’m digging it. Also she is the unofficial goth wife of Corvus but you’ll never hear it from him. Or...will you? thinksmirk Best Babe.

@et-liliium​ @musesdivine​

My baby Cherry has wonderful original dolls and I still miss them. BUT I’m super excited to see Lily on her own blog and my babe slowly getting back into the fandom. Sixty is looking to corrupt that sweet flower but it’s Connor that is absolutely in awe of her. He is in love. Let’s not forget Lily being the good to Corvus’ bad. We got some good shit planned for them. She’s the android Suzanne pretty much ;) Seriously check out these wonderful female muses. They are amazing and deserve all the love in the world. Best Babe.

@robobiitch​

Let me throw some love on Moe right here. Yall wanna see full on enemies with Sixty? Look no further but man we have some good ass plot with assassin au with a little dose of angst. Lust already hates/loves his brother-in-law in the other demon verse. The shenanigans are bound for some good shit. A wonderful Connor and that’s the bottom line cause ruthless sixty said so. Literally such a fun and cool person. I love plotting and just hanging. Best Babe. 

@anderson-residence​

Have you seen these muses? I love every single one and Alley always has something in my inbox that either makes me laugh or worry. lol Sending YK to Corvus is probably not the best idea but I love it. I love chatting about aus, plots and everything in between. Each muse is one I enjoy seeing and I really want to interact more with all of them. Sixty just wants to push Hank’s buttons and probably wants to kill Connor but.... lol Best Babe.

@rxseguided​ @repliicantceo​

A literal bab right here. Jesse, Eli and Elliot are all originals that bring so much more to the plate. If you haven’t seen Jesse in action what are you doing? The evil bitch’s daughter herself? Well then sign me up. Cupcake is a doll and her muses are chef kiss. Got it? Good. Lust loves his angel mom but DD is also in love. ;) Elliot is legit one of Corvus’ official cronies. That’s an honor in the worst way possible. Gotta love that human sk verse with Corvesse. Best Babe.

@triptocained​ @syntheticisolation​

Let me tell you all a story about a fed drenched in heavy rain..... No this isn’t a pun. I swear but Norman is literally a highlight and I’m looking forward to that enemies shit with Sixty. Bringing Jayden into the DBH universe is the best damn thing to happen. Danny brings him to life perfectly. I haven’t seen anybody else do this much justice. Norman is yours alone and deserves all the attention. Also let’s not forget Richard. Look I love this knife happy bastard. 60 still wants to show off Monica but he can wait as long as it takes. Always a pleasure to see on my dash. I’m in love. Best Babe. 

@fearlessandchaotic​

Original babes need more love and Hana his no different. Ely has such development and constant shenanigans I love to see on my dash. It’s always wonderful to see but also Sixty is over the moon for Hana. He hates to admit it but the best thing was coming back to his fiery fox. These two have such chemistry with their ruthless selves they’d sit around and poke fun at people instead of working on a case. Seriously go give the female muses their due love damn it.  Best Babe. 

@vexeddetective​

Vex is a precious babe that I adore the hell out of. Sixvin is here fam. Sixty likes to push Gavin’s buttons. We all know how that shit goes down. I will legit protec this babe. Not Gavin tho. He can fight his own battles and most likely end up wrestling with Sixty. That might end up messy good. Also Lucifer.... whenever he pops up my gal Jade is just: well he’s tall and scary. She probably secretly has a soft spot for him. We’ll have to find out. Please go follow for these two muses. You know you want to bishes. Best Babe. 

@swat-cptn-allen​ @det-gavin-reed​

My canon Allen right here. There is no one else who puts this much love into this muse. Webby is a literal precious bean. Sixty loves and hates Joseph. DD is definitely sof for him. Let that sof boy show his dom ;) I love the way Allen is given more development and his own unique persona from the little we see in game. I never imagined liking this character that much but Webby certainly has made me a fan of him. Please go give my canon Allen some love! Best Babe. 

@ambitiouslyruthless​ @fragmented-personage​

Goov is a babe. I have followed them for a while now and Vius was always a unique bab to see on my dash. Sixty still wants to pounce on him. Results may vary into ruthless territory BUT let him love on this original muse. He deserves more attention and love. Let him be that bastard to Gavin. Such a unique portrayal of Gavin that is totally one of my faves to see. I’m excited for the werewolf/vamp thread. Also can’t wait to see what happens with them in their main verses. Best Babe. 

@thirum-stained​

Always a delight on my dash and one of the earliest people to give my blog here a chance. Luna is a doll who has so many amazing muses and not just in the DBH fandom. Vanessa is Sixty’s waifu. She snuck up on him by surprise. He never imagined to fall in love but he sure did here. I adore all of the muses you tackle. I want to interact more with all of them. They’re forever follows on my dash for a reason. Best Babe. 

@theveryfirst​

This is my one and only Chloe. My literal canon babe. No one else compares and Heather is an all around sweetheart with amazing ideas. The plotting is always something I look forward to as well as just being able to chat. One of the earliest to follow me and still going strong on that forever follow list. Sixty adores Chloe. He feels for her more than he’d ever realize. Until he does. Corvus is still waiting to gets his hands on this angelic android. Best Babe.

> There are so many of you who follow that are so talented. It’s near impossible to give love to you all but there are some new babes who just followed that I’m looking forward to writing with. <3

[synvetra-archive]

Get to Know the Writer! 💁🏼‍♀️

———  BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME: Daphne

PRONOUNS: Female

ZODIAC SIGN: Cancer. And I’d love to tell you my Chinese zodiac, but I’d also be telling you my age in the process, so no.

TAKEN OR SINGLE: I’m a lil single pringle

———  THREE  FACTS! ♡

I’ve been in and out of a lot of hobbies over the years, but one I always come back to is knitting and sewing. I’m trash for making teddies right now, and it’s getting kind of expensive having to buy so much yarn to make them, so I’m going to open up an Esty before this hobby becomes unsustainable.

I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. I used to make a bunch of books by stapling together sheets of paper, and then I’d scribble out my ideas. I never finished any of those stories though... The first story I ever finished was when I was ten, and it was about a girl and her brothers making friends with the ghosts in their creepy house and getting into hijinxs.

I have a lot of faith in humanity. Maybe some of you would think too much faith. Call it naivete, call it childishness, call it willful ignorance, call it whatever you’d like, but I want to see the world as a good, kind place and I refuse to let the terrible things happening in the world beat that out of me.

———  EXPERIENCE! ♡

I started playing on my main account (@dap-brown) back in March 2019​,  then a couple months in I made @maria-suzanne​ because I wanted to have my own  RP blog like all the Cool Kids.

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

I  made all my muses, but I've noticed three traits that pop up rather  often: Loyalty, naivete, and goodness. The exception, of course, being  Regina. (@p-rowle-r)

Dmitri, for example, is extremely loyal and protective of his family, even more so after his father’s death and the mantel of ‘man of the house’ fell to him. He’d die for them, live for them, kill for them. Naivete: He grew up in a tiny backwater village in the middle of nowhere. He doesn’t know much about how the world works and because of the lack of other kids his age in the area, isn’t very good at socializing.

As for goodness, well, he’s not really that good from an outsider’s perspective. He doesn’t go out of his way to help strangers unless there’s something in it for him, and he doesn’t care about morality so much as he cares about loyalty.

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    

Fluff:  Yes, I love writing soft, cute stuff, especially unlikely  relationships: A muggleborn and one of the Sacred Twenty-eight become  best friends, a Drachman soldier and an Amestrian girl falling in love,  a Druskelle and a Grisha pushed together by circumstance and also  falling in love, a few invading Drachman soldiers taking the time to help a little  Amestrian orphan with nowhere to go an no one to turn to.

Angst:  MORE UNLIKELY RELATIONSHIPS Y'ALL! Maybe the pureblood is under the  impression that the muggleborn is a pureblood, or at least a halfblood.  If the truth comes out, will she change for her friend or will she  abandon her, blinded by the prejudice she's been taught her whole life?

What  if the soldier gets caught trying to slip away to see his sweetheart  and is put on trial for treason? What if the girl get caught trying to  sneak into Drachman territory to see him? To add to it, WHAT IF THERE'S A  WAR?  What will happen if the girl's father or brother or even her  uncle finds out?

I ain't gonna go into detail about the Grisha and the Druskelle 'cause y'all can go read Six of Crows.

What  happened to the kid’s parents? Did they die during the siege? What if  one or more of the soldiers were responsible for his parents’ deaths?  Will they ever tell the kid? What if he finds out on his own?

Smut: NO

Inbox memes: GIMME GIMME GIMME

[unrequited-words]

I haven't really updated in a really long time. I think once I left my husband and moved in with my boyfriend and tried to have some semblance of normalcy I had wanted to be pretty private. for a decade I've always communicated my feelings by blogging here and now that I'm older I kind of wanted some privacy.

I am 16 weeks and two days pregnant depending when this post's it'll probably be 3 days. And I feel really fucking alone. I have no family here in Utah, his sister-in-law is the biggest fucking cunt I have ever met, his nephew as one of the most spoiled motherfukers I have ever met and his niece is the spitting image of his sister-in-law and very very fucking spoiled.

His sister-in-law has fucking balls. She has no common decency, she clearly doesn't want us living with her which is really fucking ironic considering almost two decades ago she was in the same position that we are in. The only difference? She doesn't have to fucking be quarantined while pregnant she doesn't have to struggle looking for a job while being fucking quarantined and more importantly she doesn't have someone who has a huge distain for family living with her and her husband.

I was going up the stairs earlier to throw away a bag of trash and she came through the door of the garage and she fucking saw me coming up those motherfuking stairs and instead of holding the door open she fucking closed it while I was 3/4 of the way up the stairs and I'm like are you fucking kidding me?

Later that day, I was waiting to put a fork in the dishwasher and she was already there getting silverware because she was making dinner for her family and instead of opening it for me she fucking closed it when I was literally fucking behind her and I'm like what the fuck is your damage I know you don't like me there I know I'm just another number I know I'm just another girl in his life

but have some commented fucking decency if I wasn't pregnant and if I wasn't in the situation where this is the only place we were living and if we had more options I would fucking confront her and I would State what the fuck is your damage why are you treating us like for fucking second-class citizens? Do you not remember 15 + years ago you were in the same fucking situation and my boyfriend never ever treated you the way you treat us he was never in your fucking face about almost $400 he was not in your face about eating too much fucking yogurt he was always nice and kind to you

I know times are really freaking hard right now but what the fuck is her problem? She doesn't talk to me she clearly doesn't like me sitting in her kitchen I don't fucking get it I know we come from different backgrounds but my vision of family is if I was in the position of having all of my responsibilities taking care of and my brother came to me and was in a position of I really need help I would be like pack your shit and get over here now I wouldn't treat them like shit because they aren't working due to this fucking pandemic I wouldn't treat them differently because I don't want anyone living with me

it's going to get to a point where we have our shit together and I will fucking say something to her because I'm not the type of person to hold back and I've been holding my tongue for almost two fucking months . . .

In other news I am 16 weeks and pregnant with a girl my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided his health problems are so significant that he can't work anymore even though his company was willing to work with him and he quit his motherfuking job and you know what that means for me? It means I get to look for fucking state health insurance I get to be on fucking food stamps and on cash assistance because of the situation I'm currently in I don't regret quitting my shit job because I would walk through fucken fire for my boyfriend and I wouldn't have a second guess about it

I just think it's so hilarious that the year 2020 continuously is fucking with me and shiting on me I don't get it like this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and instead of being able to do the things I used to be able to do like go on a walk or you no go to fucking work I'm basically 16 living with my dad walking on fucking eggshells in the fucking basement

I feel like I'm a fucking number to them like I'm just another girl for my boyfriend. He got married pretty young at 22 and his marriage dissolved because his wife at the time was such a fucking child. with his second marriage she completely used him he was worth at least six figures and she fucking used him and cheated on him and was okay with cheating on him because of how she was raised. They have two kids together and I can't tell you how many times over the last year he has cried with me as I held him and he is like I wanted these babies

but I married a fucking whore not knowing she was a fucking whore and she fucking used me and he keeps asking me over and over why are you here, Suzanne? I told him because I want to be here because I believe I truly wholeheartedly believe I can raise him up to be better than what he is right now and he can do the same for me . I'm not saying this is a mistake and I know I jumped in head-first but I waited to be with him while my marriage fell apart and I talked to him daily and I'm not scared that it's not going to work I just want some fucking normalcy!

I want to live in a house where I don't have someone giving me a fucking dirty look for using their dishes or not even being fucking considerate or coming at me in my face over fucking money and I hate saying it but she is a miser and a fucking do and she wasn't like this before according to him and he told me the other night he's like I'm just done with her she's changed and I think he kind of hopes that get divorced they were going to last year but I don't know why he fucking stayed I don't know why his brother stayed I know his brother loves her but from my perspective and from what I know sometimes love is not enough sometimes people change and they really show you their true colors in the beginning and you're so dumb about being head over heels in love with them and having kids with them that you fucking ignore it

I don't think his current wife ever supported him the way I emotionally support him. It takes him to drink for all of his walls to come down I can't tell you how many times I've held him in our old house and let him cry and just because they're trying to hold him up. and that's what I've wanted all along is someone to understand the fucking hell I went through when I lost my mom or trying to figure out why my brother raped me are trying to figure out why my dad believed my brother and not me I'm trying to understand addiction when it came to my mother but I haven't really like cried in front of him but I've really been to it to him about my upbringing and he fucking hates my family for the shit they put me through and he's like he just need to fucking forget them because they're pieces of shit and they are continually dragging you down and you're still living in the past and everyday when you talk to me it's always about your dead mother or your brother or your dad died and he's like you're not going to do this to our kid you're not going to be living in the past pining over family thought you had when I'm here family and this baby is your family and I knew he was right and I'm just right now so busy trying to keep my head above water and trying to grow this baby and it's really difficult being in the situation Im in

It's really gotten to the point to where even though his sister-in-law works from home because of the quarantine I wait until the last possible moment to where I can't wait any longer and I go upstairs and eat. I don't do it on purpose but I don't want to be around this batch. I don't want to have the fucking dirty look I mean she doesn't even do that to her own kids because they're her own kids or her even her husband and I know she doesn't want us to live in there but she's a fucking hypocrite

like I just I don't get it I don't have parents alive anymore both of my parents are dead and I don't get to share the joy of this pregnancy with them and it's fucking killing me that I can't call my mom and ask her what she did when she was pregnant what to do when the baby won't stop crying and I have to figure it out on my own I don't have a good relationship with my three oldest Brothers with the first and the third

I haven't really spoken to them since my mom died I haven't seen them since my mom died and even though we follow each other on social media and we have each other's numbers they don't fucking call one of them said all I promise to do better and he's such a fucking liar and a flake and the oldest one his wife just had a baby a month ago and I still haven't seen any pictures besides the one of him being first born and I even asked him can you send me pictures but I just find it so fucking ironic that he can go on Facebook live and bitch about what's going on

but he can't send me fucking pictures of his family talk about motherfuking priorities and my second oldest brother I saw him before I moved and it was really good seeing him I can't we all have families and we all have fucking lives but at the end of the day how hard is it to pick up the fucking phone and to call your sister?

It has been a current theme in my life for the past ten fucking years of wandering why don't they call me? If I cross your mind why don't they text me? but at the end of the day I have been the one that's reached out and taking pictures of their family and their kids I have spent my own fucking money on baby showers and on birthday gifts and when I'm looking for the same in return I'm probably going to get dead fucking silence I bet you that now

He'd even discussing this on social media because at the end of the day my brothers aren't going to fucking change and they're going to be like why I don't receive pictures of your baby? Why can't I see my niece? Well motherfucker why haven't you sent me pictures of your kids when I've been nothing but good to them why I have traded them like my own and I think they tend to forget that one of their wives did everything and want her pregnancies to not have a child?

when I begged and pleaded God to give me a child and it took me leaving my marriage and getting with my boyfriend to get fucking pregnant I mean yes I'm living the dream but I shouldn't be 16 weeks pregnant and fucking in tears articulating my feelings because my immediate family is complete dogshit and it has nothing to do with politics has everything to do with her fucking character and I know men are different than women and pain at the end of the day why the fuck don't they reach out when I literally have no fucking family here in Utah? The only person I have is my best friend and her husband and her six-month-old and I'm only going to have them for a couple more months because at the end of the year they're moving to Texas and that's when I know for fucking sure I will be alone

I don't get it. I am one of the most loving, kind, considerate people in the universe and when I expect them to have the same part as I do to have the same vision of family as I do it's like I can't even be met halfway and I don't know what's worse being pregnant and feeling alone with no family or suffering several horrible miscarriages or watching your mom take her last breath two two stage for right adrenal cancer or even having your own brother rape you and not being fucking believed for a decade and being treated like dog shed I really don't know what's worse

Please, universe if you hear me GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK.

[fatgirlsguidetodating]

Blog: Toxic relationships.

I've come to the point in my life that despite the fact I desperately want a partner and to have a kid that I can say to myself that I'd rather be single than be with someone who doesn't love and value me. Over the years I have seen far too many of my friends in toxic relationships, places where they weren't happy but they stayed. I watched as they often started to lose themselves and made the other person's happiness their only priority. As they put up with bullshit because they thought the pain that the toxic relationship brought them was better than the pain of losing and letting go of the person that they loved so much. Some because their culture saw other things as more important than love and happiness, some because they thought they could do no better, some because they had a kid with them and some because they loved that person so much they'd forgive anything and everything and as a result were stuck in that cycle. I've had many an argument with people over the years who say if they weren't happy they'd leave but they don't understand sometimes there's that almost battered woman syndrome affect where they just *can't* walk away. I've never been a victim of BWS but a forensic psych unit at uni really made me think and see that "just walk away" isn't that simple. And toxic relationships- some where there's no abuse as such, some where there's physical abuse, some where there's mental abuse, and some where there's a mixture- have that same cyclic response. As a friend I truly think it's one of the worst things to see someone you care about in these types of toxic relationship. You want to support them but at the same time you want to shake them and say wtf mate, you deserve so much more! So what is a toxic relationship really? How do you know if you're in one? Why do they stay? By definition, a toxic relationship is a "relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner...a toxic relationship is not a safe place. [In essence] it [a toxic relationship] is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control. [One where by staying] we risk our very being. These [toxic] relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, if not corrected, to be extremely harmful to our well being." (1) How do you know if your relationship is one of these toxic ones? Well there are red flags, signs that many chose to ignore because of the cyclic nature of these relationships (more on this later including those which are abusive). Such as criticism. Not the criticism that comes from a positive place that's to help the person or relationship but more so that used to express contempt or disdain where it makes the other person feel so unvalued, unloved and worthless. There's also arguing without communicating. By that I mean over and above the normal arguments that any relationship will have, where it's more about yelling over one another and no real communication and therefore nothing is solved. Or when you avoid your partner all the time because the energy when together is completely negative. Also when you are no longer yourself. Yes you will change within a relationship, that's a given, but there's a difference when the change is bigger. (2) Something also like a constant struggle for power. Suzanne Lachman, Phd, suggests imagining your relationship as a seesaw. "If both partners understand their power (or are empowered), the seesaw stays relatively level and balanced...But if one person in the relationship has brought in a feeling of powerlessness, [they] may try to compensate by baring down on the seesaw, shifting [their] weight, and perpetually uprooting, destabilizing, or ungrounding [their] partner on the other side.” (3) And also jealousy where your partner wants you all to his/herself, so much so that you barely see friends or family because they monopolise your time. In extreme cases this also includes where they may stop you from going out with say single friends or drinking. There are also behaviours that are toxic that most people would think of as normal within a relationship. The problem here however is that, in part, many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. As Mark Manson puts it "we worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities." (4) In his article he lists the 6 behaviours that psychological research has shown are actually toxic rather than just part of the usual ebb and flow of a relationship. These include keeping score (you know the whole well you got drunk at my 21st and I had to spend the night looking after you despite it being my big night so I got revenge by flirting with my hot work colleague), excessively passive aggressive behaviour (finding small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you can feel like being mad at them is totally justified), blaming your partner for your own emotions (you had a shitty day at uni but when you wanted that sympathy and support he was busy playing call of duty or busy with work) or buying solutions to problems (a holiday will solve everything right?). Despite this these relationships aren't necessarily hopeless but if they are going to work they need a lot of hard work to be changed into a healthy relationship. The paradox is that in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it. (1) One reason that seems pretty common for why people stay in a toxic relationship where they are unhappy more than they are happy is cultural reasons. Culture, tradition and religion are often bedfellows in emphasising that a marriage should be for keeps which is at odds with the way the law views marriage, which is more as a contract that, if breached, provides remedies such as divorce. (5) I was talking to a guy online, I think it was "Tagged" and he told me he was married. I wasn't shocked. I mean half of tinder seems to be made up of married men and it's just as prevalent on other dating sites or apps. (Take me and Married Guy for instance.) But rather than abuse him or just delete him or ghost him I asked him why he was looking for sex online if married? He was an Indian man and he told me that the marriage was great at first, they had two kids together, but, as time went by she stopped wanting to have sex with him so he was looking for that online. I said so why not leave? He said it was his culture that they stayed. And that he loved her and they were close and happy. Just not intimate. To tell the truth that could all have been a load of bullshit, I've had my fair share of poor me my wife has no time for me/my wife is away for work a lot/my wife's no longer into sex and even one guy who claimed his wife physically couldn't have sex with him anymore but because she had a major psychiatric illness he didn't want to leave her because she would hurt herself or kill herself. (Needless to say I blocked him pretty damn quick.) I've spoken briefly about a friend who stays with her partner because he's a good provider, not because she's in love with him anymore. They do have periods in the relationship where things are happy and harmonious enough though she doesn't talk about ever being intimate (except the 3 times she was pregnant when clearly they did the deed) and by the same token I rarely- if ever- hear her talk about loving him. I know she used to talk about it- they were about 22/23 when they first met and he was her first everything. Back then she couldn't get enough of him. Now the way she talks about him is in a detached manner. And it's usually more bitching about him. He even tells her if she leaves he will get everything including the kids (unlikely), or her own mother tells her that she'd be selfish to leave because the kids get supported better within the marriage, or her own sister says she'd be on her husbands side if they broke up. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life- what could equate to another 40 plus years- with a man whom she refers to only as "[my] husband" and never talks about him with any kind of love, romance or heck even traces of feelings just because he works hard and provides luxuries for them! Probably the most common reason I see and hear for people staying in toxic relationships is they genuinely believe that they either couldn't do any better or they would be alone forever if they walked away. Whilst they might know intellectually that nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve their emotions leave them conflicted. Underneath all of these rationalizations is a deep seated fear of being alone. Think back to your childhood. We’re you given many- or even any- examples of how to be alone on tv, movies, books, or the internet? Instead the chances are it was about how to make it work with your partner rather than to walk away and be happy alone until you found the right partner. Sure there’s nothing wrong with looking for love but very few people know how to be alone and happy. Too often the pleasure they find in a relationship is the release of not being by themselves in the world rather than love with their partner. (6) As Terry Gaspard wrote “too often I hear [people] who are coupled up rationalise while they are still in a relationship when...they shouldn’t be [saying] things like ‘I know my relationship isn’t perfect, but at least he doesn’t yell at me’ or ‘he is a really good dad.’...[things like that remind me] that breaking up with someone is an act of courage.” (6) Sometimes it's the partner who has put these thoughts in their head either with subconscious actions or conscious words, but often it's the person's own insecurities at play too. Or perhaps there's still a part of them that doesn't want to believe you can do better? (7) It's even been suggested that these people just don't *want* to find someone better, an argument that's attracted a fair bit of detractors. There was even a book written by Dr Henry Cloud saying that, essentially, there are plenty of people out there if you really wanted to. Carolyn Kauffman, who has a doctorate in psychology, finds this annoying. As she wrote this is giving out the implicit message that they just need to try harder. (8) I have a couple of friends like this. In truth I have to admit I belong here too. After all I accepted a fuck buddy relationship with J1 and Married Guy because I thought that something was better than nothing. And I thought to myself well hey at least they actually *want* me unlike most of the male population. I didn’t allow myself to think too hard about the fact that I was allowing the idea that I was fuckable but not dateable. Another guy I know, D, has offered me a fuck buddy relationship too but I haven’t taken him up on that offer because I’ve decided that I have to stop settling for less than I really want. How can I expect men to see me as being worth more than just causal sex if even I don’t think I am? In my case my insecurity is mainly related to my weight, but it also goes back to my teenage years and the damage the relationship with the man I lost my virginity to did to me and my psyche. Two of my friends are in situations where I do believe they stay with a partner or return to him over and over because they think they can’t do any better. In one case she’s overweight too so perhaps she thinks like I do- or did-, in the other case she may have a couple extra kilos on board but she’s definitely not what I would consider fat- though her husband often tells her that she’s a whale! (He’s a charmer that one!) In both cases I haven’t ever really asked them why they stay or go back to someone with whom they weren’t exactly happy and who show them no love or affection and barely even sleep near them let alone have sex with them. One of them admits she can’t even remember they slept in the same bed let alone had sex. This is because he often falls asleep on the pull out bed playing xbox (or PlayStation or wii or whatever the f game console all the cool kids are using these days), in the other case he often sleeps in another room because he snores, but to me they kind of seem like excuses not to share a bed with the woman they are in a relationship or married to. A third friend is kind of a combination of a few examples- she thinks she cannot do better as a bigger person and thus puts up with her partner cheating on her and even hitting her. (I’ll look more at cases of physical abuse in a follow up blog post.) Interestingly both have said to me at various times if they found themselves single again they wouldn’t bother looking for a new relationship anywhere, that they’d just be happy enough as is, with their kids. And kids, it seems, is the third most common reason why people stay in relationships they aren’t happy in. They think it’s the right thing to do to give the children that perfect nuclear family. A former friend of mine had lost her older children so when she had another child with her new partner she went on and on about making memories and giving [the child] the “perfect childhood.” She was overcompensating and I’m sure she knew it- especially when the kid was spoilt rotten! Another person I knew stayed with his wife for something like 4 years “for the kids.” They didn’t sleep in the same room, were barely home at the same time, didn’t even really speak when they were home at the same time and never showed the other affection. One of the kids even picked up on it asking her dad why he never hugged mummy like her friends daddy’s did. But is a relationship where mum and dad barely speak, unless it’s to argue, show no affection to one another and the energy in the house is always so thick with negativity better than being in a situation where they may have two homes but they also have a mum and dad who are actually happy? According to child psychologist Kimberley O’Brien the answer to that is a big no. And that parents pretending to their kids that the relationship is fine are fooling themselves. “Kids are really sensitive to changes to things like voice tone and parents’ stress levels”, she says. (9) Yes there are many benefits to children having a mum and dad together- such as the children are less likely to divorce when older or are less likely to engage in delinquent behaviour or get pregnant early- but if a relationship isn’t working then staying just for the kids is when problems arise. (10) Because there is a bigger impact on the children in these cases than you realise. For instance the kids pick up on a lot more than adults realise (like the friend I mentioned who asked her dad why he never hugged her mum), and ultimately two happy seperate parents are better than two together yet miserable parents. (11) The final reason I see for people staying in toxic relationships that are way past their use by date is purely that they love that person more than anything and forgive them anything and everything and as such the partner knows what he or she can get away with and thus the cycle of this toxic relationship continues over and over and over and it’s damn hard to break. But it *can* be done. As mentioned up above with time and hard work it can be fixed provided both parties are willing. Madeline Fugere, Ph.D, names some of the most common reasons why we may stay in relationships that whilst not abusive are still toxic and not great for us. 1) We can be satisfied with an unsatisfactory relationships. Perhaps it’s because we have low self esteem, thinking ourselves unattractive, or that they simply have low standards from what they expect to receive in a relationship. 2) A shift in priorities. We tend to see our romantic partners positively but sometimes that is unrealistic. What this means is that effectively we view characteristics that our partners have as more important and more valued than other characteristics. Like a generous partner may make up for a partner not being thoughtful? 3) Low quality alternatives. If you perceive alternatives- like being alone or in another relationship- as lower-quality alternatives, you are more likely to stay, even in an unsatisfying relationship. 4) Manipulation. If your partner is aware that you want to leave the relationship, he or she may use different methods of manipulation to force you to stay such as emotional manipulation like belittling, demeaning or even threats of violence against you or a future partner. The distress associated with emotional abuse or the physical implications of intimate partner violence are strong enough deterrents to those seeking to leave a relationship that women who are psychologically distressed may not feel like they even have the ability to leave the relationship. 5) Investment. When you have long-term investments with a partner such as a business, a mortgage, an investment property or children it can be harder to leave. And, last but by no means least in my humble opinion is 6) Love. Psychologists distinguish among three different components of attitudes- the cognitive component or thoughts, the affective component or feelings and the behavioural component or actions. And even though these components may not be aligned with each other, such as your thoughts being negative but your feelings positive. We may continue to love our partners, even though we consciously recognize that we are involved in bad relationships. (12) Psychologists have developed something they have dubbed the “interdependence theory”, which is essentially the science of relationships. The theory states that, in essence, each partner will evaluate “[their] personal satisfaction with the relationship by assessing costs and benefits...[and as long as the] perceived benefits [will] outweigh perceived costs [they] are happy with [their] relationship.” (13) We use pros and cons list for many things these days- do we move, get a new job, go on holiday, get a new car, etc- so why not with relationships too? Relationship satisfaction relies heavily on the following three things: * They’ve already invested heavily in it, giving them the sense that the relationship must have some value. * They see no viable alternatives that are better than the current relationship. * They currently feel satisfied with the relationship. In a recent article psychologist Levi Baker et al gave some insight that might help explain why people stay in an unhappy toxic relationship and continue that cycle over and over. They note that even the best relationship is bound to have rough patches. Career changes, illness of a family member or even the birth of a child can bring new stressors into a relationship which will significantly reduce relationship satisfaction for both partners. But they remain committed because this commitment isn’t “based on a current level of satisfaction with the relationship...[but rather] it depends on the past as expected relationship satisfaction in the future.” (13) In practice what this means is that your current level of satisfaction doesn’t signal commitment. Instead it shows whether there are problems with the relationship that need addressing. Any dissatisfied feeling tells you to put more work into your relationship. In fact, says David Ludden Ph.D, “ just doing something to improve your relationship, such as devoting more time to your [partner] or seeking couple's therapy, can boost your expectation for a happier marriage in the future, thus bolstering your commitment to work things out.” But when people can’t envision an alternative that’s better than the unhappy arrangement they’re in, they may stay and try to make the best of a bad situation. These couples find ways to mitigate the strife in their marriage, ending up as housemates rather than soulmates. They may derive little happiness from their relationship, but they don’t expect it, either. And some, perhaps many, still find sufficient happiness from friendships or other activities in their lives. (13) Fatgirl. NB: as this blog post was so big I’m going to do a separate one about BWS (and emotional abuse). How can you tell if they (or perhaps even yourself) are in one of these? How do you support a friend when you know- or at least feel- that what they are doing isn't the right thing for them? And, furthermore, what do you do when the toxic relationship turns violent or there is mental abuse in play? Sources: 1.) http://www.healthscopemag.com/health-scope/toxic-relationships/ 2.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.elitedaily.com/dating/13-signs-youre-toxic-relationship-ruining-life/966801/amp 3.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.rd.com/advice/relationships/toxic-relationships/amp/ 4.) https://markmanson.net/toxic-relationship-habits 5.) http://www.herald.co.zw/divorce-clash-of-culture-tradition/ 6.) https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4777120 7.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.theodysseyonline.com/why-you-cant-seem-find-someone-better-then-your-horrible-boyfriend.amp 8.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychology-writers/201304/why-finding-life-partner-isn-t-simple%3famp 9.) http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-19/should-parents-stay-in-a-relationship-for-the-kids/8412350 10.) https://www.liveabout.com/reasons-to-stay-together-for-the-sake-of-the-children-1102599 11.) https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6055010 12.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dating-and-mating/201705/6-reasons-why-we-stay-in-bad-relationships%3famp 13.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-apes/201705/why-so-many-unhappy-couples-stay-together%3famp

[rathertoofondofbooks]

It’s week 2 of Non-Fiction November and this week’s prompt is over on Sarah’s Book Shelves and it is all about pairing up non-fiction books with fiction.

I thought this was going to be really difficult but once I took a few minutes to think about it, and to scroll through my Goodreads account, I came up with a few!

Firstly I have a couple of nonfiction books to recommended.. If you loved one then I think you’ll love the other too!

Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer + Dead Mountain by Donnie Eichar

I read both of these books in 2019 and they are both such fascinating reads. Each features explorations of very cold, inhospitable places and reflections on what happened along with some history. Dead Mountain is looking at a mysterious case from the 1950s where a group of experienced explorers all died in very strange circumstances. Into Thin Air is about a group who climb Everest in the 1990s but something goes wrong near the summit and people died. Afterwards there was a lot of discussion about the truth of what happened that day. I think if you enjoyed one of these books you would also enjoy the other.

The Last Act of Love by Cathy Rentzenbrink + Past Caring by Audrey Jenkinson

I read these books quite a long time ago but it’s testament to them that I still remember them so clearly. The Last Act of Love is an incredibly moving book about the aftermath of an accident that seriously injured Cathy’s brother. She and her family looked after him from then on until his death. Past Caring is a book that I discovered in the months after my mum died and it was a huge help to me. It’s all about how it feels, and how to cope, when you have been a carer for a loved one who has since died. It’s hard to suddenly not be a carer anymore, to not be needed when it’s been your life for so long. I recommend both of these books – the first is a book for everyone and the second is more for if you have been caring for someone, it really is an excellent resource.

  Then I have some fiction books that I’ve read and enjoyed so have paired them with some non-fiction titles that are linked in some way.

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett + How to Survive a Plague: The Story of How Activists and Scientists Tamed AIDS by David France AND And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Schilts

I just finished reading Full Disclosure at the weekend so I haven’t yet written my review. As soon as I started writing this post though I knew I had to include it. It’s about a teenage girl who is HIV Positive (which she contracted from her birth mother). She lives with her two dads and lives a very normal life. The book is a brilliant portrayal of what it is to live with HIV in the present day and I recommend it. I wanted to pair it with two books that both give such an excellent overview of the history of HIV and AIDS. Randy Schilts book is an older book so it doesn’t cover more recent developments but it is still a very good read. David France’s book is very recent and I found it fascinating. Both non-fiction books are well-researched but they’re written in a very accessible way and I would recommend them to anyone wanting to know more.

The Things We Thought We Knew by Mahsuda Snaith + It’s All in Your Head: True Stories of Imaginary Illness by Suzanne O’Sullivan

The Things We Thought We Knew is a brilliant novel following a teenager who is bedbound with chronic pain. Through the novel we learn that her childhood best friend went missing and she has struggled to cope with the loss. Her situation is complex and I felt such sympathy for her. I adored the novel and am keen to re-read it. The non-fiction I recommend after reading the novel is It’s All in Your Head. I read this book whilst recovering from neurosurgery and I got engrossed in it. It’s a book by a doctor who is exploring illnesses where there is no apparent physical cause. She never says it’s all in your mind in a dismissive way, it’s more a fascinating look at how our minds can cause symptoms to present in the body. These symptoms need treating just as much as actual physical illness but O’Sullivan shows how patients and doctors need to be open to exploring other avenues such as psychotherapy. I loved the book and highly recommend it.

Carry You by Beth Thomas + Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman

I read Carry You about five years ago and it’s a book that’s really stayed with me. It’s a contemporary novel and the main character is trying to re-build her life after the death of her mum. I loved the book and want to re-read it soon. I’m pairing it with Motherless Daughters, which is a book I discovered in the months after my mum died. It was the book I needed in those months and I recommend it to anyone who has lost their mother. I liked how Hope tells her own story but the book also contains lots of other women’s stories too so it really is a book for any woman whose mother has died. It’s perhaps not a book if you haven’t experienced that loss but it’s one to make a note of, I have since gifted copies to friends who are grieving the loss of their own mother.

Still Lives by Maria Hummell + After the Eclipse by Sarah Perry 

I read Still Lives very recently and found it a really interesting read. It features an art exhibition by a female artist who has painted herself into the murder scene of women who became infamous after their deaths (such as Nicole Brown-Simpson). It’s a crime thriller but what stood out to me was the exploration of how society either fetishises murdered women, or it ignores them completely to focus on the killer. I’m pairing this with After the Eclipse, which is one of my favourite non-fiction books that I’ve read this year. In this book Sarah Perry writes about the murder of her mum when she was a young teenager. Sarah explores her own emotions from the time but also looks back on the time through her adult eyes. She really made me think about how in our fascination with true crime documentaries we often almost forget that the murdered woman was a person, she had a family and friends. This is a book I recommend to everyone.

The First Time Lauren Pailing by Alyson Rudd + I Am I Am I Am by Maggie O’Farrell

I read The First Time Lauren Pailing Died a few weeks ago and enjoyed it. It’s about Lauren Pailing and she has a fairly ordinary life but when she’s a teen she dies in an accident. At this point we see the aftermath of her death and how it affected her loved ones but we also see Lauren survive the accident and go on with her life. She later dies again and the splits occur once more and you follow all the timelines. It’s such a good read, and even though it sounds confusing I found it easy to follow. I think if you enjoyed this book you should read I Am I Am I Am by Maggie O’Farrell. I’m the biggest fan of her writing so was eager to read her first non-fiction writing and it’s a brilliant book. Maggie looks back on her life through each of the times that she had a brush with death. This book really resonated with me and I’m definitely going to re-read it next year. If you haven’t already read it, I highly recommend it.

Histories by Sam Guglani + Breaking and Mending by Joanna Cannon

Histories is an interlinked short story collection that I found really powerful. You see the hospital through the eyes of different people who are there – doctors, nurses, cleaners, admin staff and patients and each story adds depth to another story in the book. It’s a great read and really stays with you. Breaking and Mending is Joanna Cannon’s reflections on her time as a junior doctor and it’s an incredibly powerful book. I found it breathtaking in how she shows the realities of working in the NHS and it’s made such an impression on me. This is a book I recommend to everyone.

The Lion Tamer Who Lost by Louise Beech + Good As You: From Prejudice to Pride – 30 Years of Gay Britain by Paul Flynn

The Lion Tamer Who Lost is one of my favourite novels so I recommend it if you haven’t already read it. It follows Ben who is working at a lion reserve in Africa, which he’s always dreamt of doing but he’s not happy. Over the novel we find out about Ben’s relationship with Andrew and it’s such a stunning read. It made me cry when I read it but now when I think of it I remember the beauty and hope in the early days of Ben and Andrew as they fall in love. I’m pairing this with Good As You, which is a book looking back at 30 years of what it is to be gay in Britain. It’s one of those non-fiction books that you learn things from but it’s written in such a way that you fly through it. I was picking it up every chance I had, just like I do with fiction. Both books have heartbreak and hope and I recommend them.

Accidental Emeralds by Vivienne Tuffnell + The Point of Poetry by Joe Nutt

Accidental Emeralds is a poetry collection that I read around the time I started reviewing books on my blog. It’s a beautiful collection that looks at longing and love through the changing of the seasons. I loved the collection and plan to re-read it but I was very apprehensive about reviewing it because I never feel like I’m clever enough to fully understand how to write about poetry. Earlier this year I read The Point of Poetry by Joe Nutt which is a brilliant book that looks at a selection of poems and explores them in a way that makes poetry feel so accessible. The book even made me re-read a poem that I detested while studying at school and I ended up finding I really enjoyed it. The Point of Poetry is for everyone and I recommend it to anyone who has ever felt intimidated to read poetry or to write about it.

The Evidence Against You by Gillian McAllister + Stand Against Injustice by Michelle Diskin Bates

This pairing was a late edition to this post but I wanted to include it anyway. The Evidence Against You is a crime thriller that follows a young woman as her father is about to be released from prison. He was convicted of killing her mother but now he’s  protesting his innocence. She doesn’t know what to believe but she decides to try and find out what the truth is. A couple of weeks ago I read Stand Against Injustice which is about a terrible miscarriage of justice. Barry George was wrongfully convicted of murdering TV presenter Jill Dando and this book, written by Barry’s sister, explores what the family have been through over the last twenty years. It really gives an insight into what it is having a loved one in prison, and how much it takes to fight for justice. I highly recommend this one.

    If You Like That, You’ll Love This! #Fiction #NonFiction #BookPairings It's week 2 of Non-Fiction November and this week's prompt is over on Sarah's Book Shelves…

[simplejoiephoto]

What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.. sounds like a Kelly Clarkson song. And it is… and again and again it rings in my heart as I recover from this very bad cold that has been keeping me up at night and out cold in the morning. Sorry guys – I don’t get sick often but when I do, it’s my body telling me that I have been running on 20% too long and the low battery mode in this bodyOS will not suffice and I’m due for an upgrade… So what that means is I need to plug in and juice up until my battery has sufficient power :). In these past couple days, the only thing I’ve managed to do is get up and go into the office for a few hours then come back and peak at “Becoming” by Michelle Obama and then I doze back to bed where I lay and cough the night away and barely get any sleep… downside: not getting too much done but upside: as I read, feeling inspired as always —

Because Michelle was the first lady and I feel strongly that she and Barack have shaped each other to become great people (in a way, my husband and I are doing the same for each other but on a smaller scale — and I’m totally fine with that) but also;

my family has gone through a very tough time recently and although there were so many inspirational thoughts Michelle expressed about life, relationships, goals, politics, etc.. the passage that left an imprint on my heart was that she had to endure losses in her life, of people who were very close to her and what she had learned was that we must keep living. Here’s a small exert from Chapter 11 that captures my heart and the exact feeling I had this past November:

It hurts to live after someone has died. It just does. It can hurt to walk down a hallway or open a fridge. It hurts to put on a pair of socks, to brush your teeth. Food tastes like nothing. Colors go flat. Music hurts, and so do memories. You look at something you’d otherwise find beautiful – a purple sky at sunset or playground full of kids – and only somehow deepens the loss. Grief is so lonely this way… — Losing my dad exacerbated my sense that there was no time to sit around and ponder how my life should go. My father was just fifty-five when he died. Suzanne (Michelle’s good friend) had been twenty-six. The lesson there was simple: Life is short and not to be wasted.”

So yeah… November was all together very overwhelming… As I wrapped up my last blog post in October about taking pleasure in the simple things.. I was feeling very self-inspired and had a string of photo sessions lined up “for me” as well as was working on several new marketing pieces. I had only two more weddings to the end of the season and was going to start putting me first… and then my mother in law passed away. I know – I’ve taken enough trips around the sun to know that things will never go the way you’d planned them to but yea, you get the point…

Deth is the baby in his family so he was definitely the closest to his momma but since we’ve made the decision to move out to the Bay Area, his sister has become his mom’s full-time caretaker. I know he’s disappointed at himself for having not spent more time with his mom since our move here but if it weren’t for us working so hard – we wouldn’t have been able to send his mom off beautifully. And yes – she had a small and intimate but very beautiful service that was filled with family and lots of love.

Sorry – it just took me a minute to lull around and straighten out the corners in my mind but did December almost creep right by me without any notice!! Yeah.. that’s what happens with time, it just keeps going even though you need a moment to slow down 🙂

I don’t think I’m quite there yet to start sharing goals for 2019 since we’ve still got a few weeks left but I will say that I’m happy reflect on having set realistic goals for Simple Joie at the beginning of the year (see post) because I’ve accomplished them all…

I have shamelessly asked for reviews and have gotten a few more! One thing I’ve learned this year was that it never hurts to ask.

I did blogged more.. not nearly as much as I’d like to since I know I have so many photos I’ve yet to share but I made an effort to talk about things that mattered to me and at least post 2 times a month!

Definitely shared more photos on social sites!! AND learning to be more vulnerable when sharing.

Attended a couple workshops and learned from some great photographers!

I do know that there are some personal goals that I did not reach this year and I won’t kick myself for them but this coming year, 2019, will be different! Why? Every year is always different… and I can just feel it in the air. I’m going to be alright… 10 years ago to the day, I had pulled an all-nighter because I was feeling inspired to boost my business and so the first thing I was fixing up was my look-book and website. After having created everything and uploading it so that I can make it live, I backed it all up to my external hard drive and wiped it off my desktop and moments later – the hard drive crashed. I was devastated and called the first hard drive recovery service I found locally to check it out and after spending hundreds there for their attempt, they were unable to recover anything. So I sent the hard drive into a national recovery provider and after spending thousands with them… they were still unable to recover anything!! SOoo.. I lost 400 gbs of my life from 2003 to 2008. What I learned that winter and into 2009 was that the only way to get up that mountain was to keep climbing so I invested at least 1-2 hours a day for the next year in just taking photos to rebuild my portfolio and it was the most amazing experience I ever had – re-inspiring myself today… Here’s a little reflection in photos for me circa 2008-09:

Here’s to 10 Years! What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.. sounds like a Kelly Clarkson song. And it is...

[mysteryshelf]

BLOG TOUR - Glitter Bomb

Welcome to

SHANNON MUIR’S THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF!

DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to SHANNON MUIR’S THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF by Great Escapes Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.

Glitter Bomb (A Scrapbooking Mystery) by Laura Childs with Terrie Farley Moran

  About the Book

Glitter Bomb (A Scrapbooking Mystery) Cozy Mystery 15th in Series Berkley (October 2, 2018) Hardcover: 320 pages ISBN-10: 0451489543 ISBN-13: 978-0451489548 Digital ASIN: B078VVDSQT

An exploding Mardi Gras float has got to be the strangest murder weapon scrappy sleuth Carmela Bertrand has ever encountered in this latest Scrapbooking Mystery from the New York Times bestselling author.

It’s Mardi Gras in New Orleans and scrapbook shop owner Carmela Bertrand is excited to be attending the Pluvius Parade along with her best friend Ava. Carmela’s ex-husband Shamus rides by the duo on his float at the head of the parade, when suddenly the revelry turns to disaster. Shamus’ float crashes and explodes, and although Shamus escapes unhurt, a member of his krewe is killed.

Carmela and Ava plunge into an investigation of the krewe-member’s death, but as they dig deeper it starts to look less like an accident and more like a murder….and Shamus seems less like a victim, and more like a suspect.

Guest Post

A Day in the Life

  Guest post from Laura Childs, New York Times

bestselling author of Glitter Bomb,

A New Orleans Scrapbooking Mystery.

  When I talk to readers – at bookstores, libraries, scrapbook shops, and tea shops – I’m often asked about my work schedule. How do I get inspired? Do I wait until a big idea sparks inside my brain and then start writing? Is every day filled with excitement and glamour?

  Well, you might be surprised at how I actually spend my time. Which is why I thought it’d be fun to give you a peak into a day in the life of a full-time author. Ready? Here goes.

  Get up at 7:30 am and feed Asia (dog). Make breakfast for Dr. Bob (husband). Read newspaper for ripped-from-the-headlines ideas and watch Squawk Box on CNBC, trying to kill time so I don’t have to face my half-written manuscript.

  Capitulate and go downstairs to office at 10:30 am. Check emails and respond accordingly. Especially check sale emails that have come in from Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom. Dream about $800 leopard print Manolo heels. Decide they’re way too expensive.

  Check in with Facebook. Accept Friend requests and try to post something amusing that will interest people. (Maybe ridiculously priced leopard shoes?) Check email again. Correspond with two libraries and set up dates to do an author talk. Bite fingernails, worry about what I have to talk about.

  Open manuscript and read through the chapter I wrote yesterday, fearful that it’s mostly gibberish. Am happily surprised that 60% is actually usable. Punch up sagging spots and start to feel better about my work in progress. Check email again.

  Start to get hungry around 1:00 pm so go upstairs and pop Weight Watchers hamburger in microwave. Eat burger while doing crossword puzzle in newspaper.  Scrounge in cupboard for chocolate-covered peanuts to eat while working.

  Go back to office and eat chocolate peanuts, getting keyboard all sticky. Check email. Look at clock, surprised to find it’s nearly 2:30.

  Fear begins to take hold, so I write like crazy and manage to bang out a good 8 to 10 pages. Something furry nuzzles my arm. Dog. I’ve completely lost track of time and realize that the dog wants dinner (so does Dr. Bob) and it’s quittin’ time for me. Whew. What a killer day!

  If you find my writing mildly amusing, let me assure you that my new book Glitter Bomb, is even better. In fact, here’s a quick synopsis:

  Mardi Gras in New Orleans is in full swing when the King Neptune float explodes, sending a plume of glitter into the night sky and killing a hedge fun bigwig. Scrapbook maven Carmela and her BFF Ava have front row seats to the mayhem – and get pulled in when Carmela’s ex, Shamus, becomes a key suspect. Running her own shadow investigation, Carmela tries to clear Shamus while dodging the watchful eye of her fiancée Detective Edgar Babcock. Haunted cemeteries, fashion show, sports car rally, and hungry alligators round out the humor and mischief.

  Thanks for reading me!

  Love,

  Laura Childs

About The Authors

  Laura Childs is the New York Times bestselling author of the Tea Shop Mysteries, Scrapbook Mysteries, and Cackleberry Club Mysteries. In her previous life she was CEO/Creative Director of her own marketing firm and authored several screenplays. She is married to a professor of Chinese art history, loves to travel, rides horses, enjoys fundraising for various non-profits, and has two Chinese Shar-Pei dogs.

Laura specializes in cozy mysteries that have the pace of a thriller (a thrillzy!) Her three series are:

The Tea Shop Mysteries – set in the historic district of Charleston and featuring Theodosia Browning, owner of the Indigo Tea Shop. Theodosia is a savvy entrepreneur, and pet mom to service dog Earl Grey. She’s also an intelligent, focused amateur sleuth who doesn’t rely on coincidences or inept police work to solve crimes. This charming series is highly atmospheric and rife with the history and mystery that is Charleston.

The Scrapbooking Mysteries – a slightly edgier series that take place in New Orleans. The main character, Carmela, owns Memory Mine scrapbooking shop in the French Quarter and is forever getting into trouble with her friend, Ava, who owns the Juju Voodoo shop. New Orleans’ spooky above-ground cemeteries, jazz clubs, bayous, and Mardi Gras madness make their presence known here!

The Cackleberry Club Mysteries – set in Kindred, a fictional town in the Midwest. In a rehabbed Spur station, Suzanne, Toni, and Petra, three semi-desperate, forty-plus women have launched the Cackleberry Club. Eggs are the morning specialty here and this cozy cafe even offers a book nook and yarn shop. Business is good but murder could lead to the cafe’s undoing! This series offers recipes, knitting, cake decorating, and a dash of spirituality.

Laura’s Links:

Webpage – http://www.laurachilds.com/

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/laura.childs.31

Short-listed twice for The Best American Mystery Stories, Terrie Farley Moran is delighted to introduce mystery fans to the Read ’Em and Eat café and bookstore, which debuted with Well Read, Then Dead. followed by Caught Read-Handed and Read to Death released in July of this year. The only thing Terrie enjoys more than wrangling mystery plots into submission is playing games and reading stories with any or all of her grandchildren.

Terrie’s Links:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/terrie.moran.9

Blog: www.womenofmystery.net

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/23186092-terrie-moran

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October 1 – The Avid Reader – REVIEW

October 1 – Island Confidential – AUTHOR INTERVIEW

October 2 – Cozy Up With Kathy – REVIEW

October 2 – Valerie’s Musings – SPOTLIGHT

October 3 – The Pulp and Mystery Shelf – GUEST POST

October 3 – 3 Partners in Shopping, Nana, Mommy, & Sissy, Too! – SPOTLIGHT

October 4 – Community Bookstop – REVIEW

October 4 – MJB Reviewers – AUTHOR INTERVIEW

October 4 – My Reading Journeys – REVIEW

October 5 – View from the Birdhouse – REVIEW

October 5 – Mystery Thrillers and Romantic Suspense Reviews – SPOTLIGHT

October 6 – Cinnamon, Sugar and a Little Bit of Murder – REVIEW

October 6 – I’m All About Books – SPOTLIGHT

October 7 – Rosepoint Publishing – REVIEW

October 7 – StoreyBook Reviews – GUEST POST

October 8 – Mallory Heart’s Cozies – REVIEW

October 8 – A Holland Reads – REVIEW

October 9 – Socrates’ Book Reviews – REVIEW

October 9 – A Blue Million Books – CHARACTER GUEST POST

October 10 – Laura’s Interests – REVIEW

October 10 – Brooke Blogs – SPOTLIGHT

October 11 – Mysteries with Character – GUEST POST

October 11 – Ruff Drafts – SPOTLIGHT

October 12 – A Chick Who Reads – REVIEW

October 12 – The Montana Bookaholic – SPOTLIGHT

October 13 – Lisa Ks Book Reviews – REVIEW, AUTHOR INTERVIEW

October 13 – Escape With Dollycas Into A Good Book – SPOTLIGHT

October 14 – Readeropolis – CHARACTER GUEST POST

October 14 – Books a Plenty Book Reviews – SPOTLIGHT

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BLOG TOUR – Glitter Bomb was originally published on the Wordpress version of Shannon Muir's The Pulp and Mystery Shelf

[thehollowworldofficial]

Elise’s Pitch Wars Welcome!

Hello! My name is Elise Longden, and I’m writing this little introduction because I have written a manuscript and I’m planning to submit it to Pitch Wars, the mentoring programme!

Whilst this little blog is where I record my thoughts about my writing, I’ve never really introduced myself - mostly because I believed I would never let anyone see it. However, the Pitch Wars form has room for a website, and I would rather link this blog as opposed to my Twitter (which is inactive) or my Instagram (which is just full of cosplay and dog photos). 

To clarify, I have written a book called “The Hollow World”. 

Okay so, here’s some stuff about me:

Submission related stuff that potential mentors may be interested in:

In 2017 I won the UK National Flash Fiction Competition run by the University of Chester and was published in an anthology that had also once featured Margaret Atwood (SQUEE!). My piece entitled “Flotsam” can be found here:

 http://www.chester.ac.uk/sites/files/chester/Longden%20Elise%20-%20Flotsam%20FINAL.pdf

I got an A* A-Level grade (It’s not to big myself up...just in case anyone not British doesn’t know what that means!!!!) in Creative Writing, and my coursework, which was 70% of my grade, was the first 30,000 words of my Pitch Wars manuscript.

The idea for “The Hollow World” came to me in a Film Studies class at college. After trying /(and failing) to come up for an idea to base a project around, my teacher gave me an exercise to generate some ideas. She took a few traits typical of Hollywood films, and told me to flip them on their head. Thus, “The Hollow World”, or at least a basis for it, was born, and three (ish) years later, I still can’t get it out of my head. 

Basically the idea of Ashe came from my bizarre urge to see a tiny little girl violently killing things in a film. I thought I was being super original, but the film Logan beat me to it. I can’t even be mad, because Dafne Keen is so incredible?!

The reason why I’m submitting to Pitch Wars, is because I need help. That’s the bottom line. I have edited my manucript the best I can, but I need someone who can take what I’ve written and look at it from a fresh, and new perspective. I am new to the idea of getting my manucript published (though I have always dreamed I would), and navigating the crazy world of publishing and agents and general make-your-writing-an-actual-book stuff....is scary. And I really, really, need your help. I need someone who is honest who can tell me what needs to be done. I’ve done the best I can, and now I need someone who is better than me.

I draw, so here’s some pictures of the characters from the “The Hollow World”, that may hopefully pique your interest:

ASHE 

MAGPIE

NADIA

CASSIDY

SOME FACES

SOME MORE FACES

Whilst these were drawn about a year ago and aren’t my best work, I’m hoping they entice potential mentors, just a ‘lil bit more! :)

Some general stuff about me:

I am a pretty happy and positive person, who loves to work hard. If I have a task or idea inside my head, I will hyperfixate on it until it’s done. For example...this manuscript was unfinished (by about 20,000 words) on the 1st of August. It was my first draft that I hadn’t read through, it was unformatted, it was riddled with errors and inconsistancies, but after meeting the lovely Tomi Adeyemi and talking to her about Pitch Wars, I decided to enter. So I took my jumbled mess, I put my butt into gear, and I spent day after day writing, writing, writing, until I felt happy enought to submit it. I also had to learn what I query letter was, because I am a publishing term noob. My point is, I am willing to push myself, and go all out at 110% percent, if that somehow helps me achieve what I want to achieve.

I am 19 and I live in the UK (specifically near Liverpool). 

I cosplay as well! I’ve been Rey, Leia, and a generic Jedi from Star Wars, Margaery Tyrell and Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones, Pirate King Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean, and I spend 70% of my time in my 13th Doctor costume.

I love Hamilton, and can rap all of it. I love musicals in general tbh.

I have an unhealthy obsession with Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes.

Have I mentioned that the 13th Doctor is the best thing ever to happen to me?

I have a dinosaur hat that I wear whenever I’m sad, because it’s pretty impossible to be sad with a giant T-Rex on your head. And by “hat” I mean this thing:

Pretty majestic, right?

ANYWAY

I’m ace/aro, which is why my book features no romance.

I love my dog Rocky more than anything. He looks like this: 

As well as a mentor who can teach me writer-y things, I’m also looking for a friend, so here’s some stuff I like:

TV Shows: 

Merlin (the love of my life, tbh, and it broke my heart), DOCTOR WHO (especially the 13th Doctor, even though she hasn’t aired yet), Hannibal, Orphan Black, Sense 8, iZombie, TOP GEAR (Yes, the car show. I’m obsessed), Game of Thrones, Parks and Recreation, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Jessica Jones/any Netflix Marvel show, the 100 (early seasons because Lexa), RuPauls Drag Race, Queer Eye, Brooklyn 99, Stranger Things, Sherlock, Agent Carter...I’ve watched a lot okay?

Movies: 

My ultimate favourite movie of all time is What We Do in the Shadows. Even if you’re not going to choose me as a mentee, then please what this dumb film. I love it. I LOVE IT. It’s dark comedy genius, and a real gem. 

Other favourite films are: Wonder Woman, Ghostbusters (2017 version), Ocean’s 8 (will Cate Blanchett adopt me as her ace/aro child?), Marvel Films (particulary Thor: Ragnarok), Star Wars Films, Kingsman Films, John Wick Films, Pirates of the Carribbean Films, Harry Potter Films,Mad Max: Fury Road, Peter Pan Goes Wrong (if you pick me I’ll force you to watch it at some point, sorry), Disney Films (Mulan, Up!, and Hercules are my faves).

Books: 

Some that don’t need an explanation: Harry Potter, A Song of Ice and Fire, His Dark Materials, Lord of the Rings. Anything by Neil Gaiman, Margaret Atwood, or Stephen King.

My favourite series, and arguably my “Harry Potter” is the Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy. I’ve met Derek multiple times, and his books are just hilarious, soul-destorying, and MAGIC. I love them.

A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers - Seriously, this Sci-Fi book is one of the most striking books I’ve ever read, mostly because it surprised me with it’s tender story, honest representations of real people, and general WOW-ness. I love it, and its flashbacks heavily influenced my own manuscript. You know when you love a book so much that you wish you could eat it? This is that book for me.

Moriarty by Antony Horowitz. My favourite villain of all time in a book that blew my mind? Yes please.

The Girl in 6E by A.R.Torre. I picked up this book for a quid in the supermarket, and it utterly suprised me. It’s about a sex-worker murder-obsessed cam girl who is asked to act out something on camera that’s a little too disturbing, so she tracks down the man who asked her in order to save a little girl from a vile act. Think Maestra meets The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. It’s not the most sophisticated reading with all of the bizarre sexual stuff, but the wit and exasperation of the main character makes up for it. I love anything that surprises me, and this book was something I'd never seen before.

Anything (memoir or fiction) by Carrie Fisher. As a Star Wars nerd I knew I would love her work, but when I read them I was blown away by how poignant, poetic, and wonderous Carrie Fisher’s writing is. She seems to find the perfect balance between humour and emotion, and reading them was a genuine joy. Each funny sentence makes me laugh out loud, but each serious sentence is heavy, poised, and so amazingly crafted and emotional. 

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi. I was lucky enough to meet Tomi on her UK tour, and I gave her my very long letter and a portfolio of art. I love the book, and I love even more what it stands for, and there’s not much else I can really say.

Other books I loved in no order: The Power by Naomi Alderman, The Cursed Prince by Holly Black, The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, the Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness, the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan, Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas, The Time Traveller’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, the Gone series by Michael Grant, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, The Martian and Artemis by Andy Weir, Lost Stars by Claudia Gray, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, Room by Emma Donoghue, Wicked by Gregory Maguire....and a helluva lot more....

And just so you know, here’s what I look like:

(I’m the human dressed as the 13th Doctor)

Hopefully this gives you an idea about me and my personality! I’m sorry this is so long, I just wanted to make sure I came across in an okay way! If any potential mentors are reading this, thank you for taking the time to! 

If you want to read the notes/journal entries I kept on this blog when I was writing and editing my manucript, just search the tag #update! 

My Twitter is: https://twitter.com/EliseLongden 

My Instagram is:  instagram.com/elise.longden/ (here you will find a lot of cosplay and dog pictures, and I’m not sorry)

If you have any questions or anything else you want to know, please feel free to shoot me an ask! Or just say hi!

[oselatra]

The walkout

As I understand it, many of the kids who walked out during the day of protest here in Arkansas will be facing suspension. This will not just be a few days off; they will receive zeros for any tests or assignments they miss. Unfortunately, standing on the right side of history has put them on the wrong side of their school's administration. In some cases these failing grades could hurt those students' chances of getting into college. Yeah, well, this might be true if they want to go to a Bible College or some other school where evolution has yet to evolve. However, if they want to go to any of the more enlightened schools in the world — which is, by the way, round — it shouldn't hurt their chances of getting accepted at all. In fact, if their college choice is in California I recommend they put this act of peaceful civil disobedience at the top of their resume.

David Rose

Hot Springs

Arkansas at the bottom

Living in rural Carroll County now for over 30 years, my wife and I would like our state government officials to explain the following facts about the state that our family has made home.

Out of 50 states and the the District of Columbia, Arkansas is rated:

• 51st worst in the number of workers in low-income jobs.

• 46th worst in poverty.

• 49th worst in student loan defaults.

• 48th worst in health of its citizens.

• 47th worst in incarceration rate.

• 41st worst in education.

• 50th worst in hunger.

Twenty percent of our state lives in poverty and 25 percent of our children live in poverty. Why?

My own observations are that racism is systemic in our government and our economy. Poverty is accepted as the price we pay for living in an unforgiving landscape, but is actually a result of the callousness of government. Some of the world's biggest companies call Arkansas home and yet they are infamous for keeping wages low and keeping hours of employees just low enough to not qualify for full benefits, and they are adamant about not allowing workers to organize. It is not natural beauty that makes a state great; it came to us that way. All we can do is preserve it or deface it. By representing the industries that spend great sums of money to influence you instead of the common good, you are dishonoring your position.

The awakening that has come from the election of Donald Trump and those who support him for their own selfish ends is going to change things, even in this third-world state, whose leaders seem to wear their ignorance like a badge of courage. I hope that you step aside gracefully when your turn is over, but it will be over, soon.

Mark and Suzanne Eastburn

Eureka Springs

Trump's America

The United States has a new religion called Americanism. The main guy is Donald Trump, ably assisted by Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell. Members are Republicans, but other faiths can join provided they pass the test on the holy document known as the Constitution. The 10 amendments to the Constitution have been reduced to just two: Make America Great and Keep America Great.

Fervor for the Second Amendment resides in the hearts of those who practice Americanism. Back in the late 1700s, the framers thought it necessary to make sure groups of men could protect the community, so they wrote, "A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." Those who practice Americanism maintain that, even though we have paid militiamen, we still must be ready for mythical invaders. Being ready requires weapons capable of killing many people with bullets that are lethal when striking any part of the body. Shotguns and rifles are unacceptable because they do not always kill with one shot. Failing to understand the Second Amendment eliminates any chance of joining Americanism.

Another part of the test makes sure the taker understands that women have no control of their uteri and can be groped at appropriate times. The main guy often demonstrates the proper use of women. The basic tenet of Americanism is to restrict women's right to things like health care and protection from discrimination, lest they become too powerful.

Americanism wants to build a wall along the Southern border to protect us from brown people. Americanism desires that only educated white people enter the country. Practitioners of Americanism work hard to make sure that the top 1/10th of 1 percent owns as much wealth as the bottom 90 percent.

Americanism proudly waves the flag, but with the third stanza of the Star-Spangled Banner in mind. That stanza reads:

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion

A home and a Country should leave us no more?

Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave

From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

The bitterness expressed by Key in the third stanza is still expressed by those who practice Americanism except when it creates a political disadvantage.

Richard Emmel

Little Rock

From the web

In response to an Arkansas Blog post about Governor Hutchinson's moves to the far right spurred by his primary opponent, including boasts of cutting government and lying about Planned Parenthood:

I first met Asa about 30 years ago. Thought he was a weak stick then and have thought he's a weak stick ever since, although I will confess to having given him a couple of thumbs-up since he's been governor. But as of March 15, 2018, he's still a weak stick. And, Jan Morgan is bringing out that weak stick for many to see.

By happenstance, I met and briefly chatted it up with the woman in Hot Springs the other day. So I can understand why Hutchinson is scared, almost-to-death, of her. She's energized, friendly, easy on the eyes, very articulate, and not, in the least, shy about approaching people and telling them what she believes.

If Morgan can find enough money to get on TV early and stay on, Asa has every reason to fear her. The hard right and the gunslingers (among others) will love her.

No way in the world the likes of Jan Morgan can beat an incumbent governor? Why, sure. Get Asa to tell you about that.

And while you have his attention, get him to tell you why a stable genius like Donald John Trump couldn't win the Republican primary and then get himself elected president.

Durango

This is a great big steaming pile of a dog and pony show. The last cut brought a hundred newly created state positions of over 100K a year to all of his cronies who barely have a degree.

You have highly educated people who have spent their entire lives earning advanced degrees so that for a short eight- to 10-year span, have the chance to lead their chosen field. Instead those people are getting the shaft and their opportunity has been stolen by anyone who has donated to the campaign.

I'm sure that [Gov. Mike] Beebe was guilty of more than just placing Shane Broadway over ADHE, but I sure can't think of them now. Asa has placed cronies all over the state government that all of them promised to downsize and make more efficient.

This ploy will dissolve as soon as the primary is over and the big money in Arkansas will prove they aren't serious about making government better. This is unfuckingbelievable and disgusting.

Clem Hooten

In response to the Arkansas Blog post on the National Park Service grant to improve the historic Dreamland Ballroom:

I don't even know this place, but I'm delighted when historic buildings get a new lease on life. The children of tomorrow will not be very impressed by the buildings built today. Without very old buildings around, your town's got no WOW to it.

It would already be a big treat to go stand where Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Earl "Fatha" Hines, B.B. King and Ray Charles once appeared. Fifty years from now the experience will be out of this world ... assuming America is still around 50 years from now.

Deathbyinches

In response to an Arkansas Blog post, "Democratic Party weighs in on Wilkins' bribery allegation. Poorly.":

Max, I am sure that Michael Gray realizes that the Wilkins family can still turn out the black vote in Jefferson County, and that is why he was more than circumspect in his description of the wrongdoing. What we have is the reverse of the plantation economy, where black sharecroppers used to tell poll workers which plantation they worked on, and then ask them how they were supposed to vote. Now, the prominent black dynasties in politics tell them how to vote, and the Wilkins dynasty is real. This is not illegal, but the result is still the same. It's not illegal because poll workers are not involved. Bloc voting is nothing new unless people are being bribed. That is the key. Was Hank Wilkins bribed not only for his vote in the legislature, but also because he could deliver black votes for politicians? I think this is behind his constant battle with the black power structure in Jefferson County.

plainjim

Uh, plainjim, the turning-out-the-vote phenomenon isn't limited to blacks and black churches. I had a white voter ask me if she needed to vote on "all this other stuff" some years ago after she followed the suggestion (?) her preacher made on an issue. I don't have any idea how many others showed up to follow that preacher's dictates, but the situation does exist. And the turnout for that election was much higher than any I'd seen before. I still shake my head when I think about it. Bottom line, I guess, is that there are people who are willing to let others tell them how to vote. Why? Who knows? Ignorance, I suppose.

Doigotta

I think the Democratic Party needs a chairman who actually supports democratic causes. Voting present on important issues like the tax deduction for private school tuition doesn't cut it. I don't think anyone can do a good job serving simultaneously in the legislature and as state party chairman. Mr. Gray needs to choose one and let the other go.

Eutychus

The walkout

[suzannemcappsca]

If Only…?

    Have you ever asked yourself, “What if I had taken a different route? Then I would not have been involved in the auto accident?” Or, “what if I had left the house five minutes earlier, I would have made the flight, and not missed it?” What if…., then life would have happened differently?

We all posit these “counterfactuals” scenarios, thinking that if we had done something slightly different, a different and often more positive outcome would have occurred.

But, most of us (including me) do not realize that we are participating in an “undoing” mind game. I realized it only after reading The Undoing Project by Michael Lewis (W. W. Norton & Company, New York 2017). While the author focuses on the decades long relationship between Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, the last part of the book discusses Kahneman’s fourth heuristic- the “simulation heuristic” which he developed after learning of the tragic death of his nephew who was killed in an air plane crash about a week before he was to be discharged from the Israeli Air Force. He found his mind wondering, “If only my nephew had been discharged a week earlier? Or, if only he had done something different moments before the crash?” If only…. (Id. at 298-300.) He realized the fantasy he was pursuing and that everyone does it. His new heuristic

…was all about the power of unrealized possibilities to contaminate people’s minds. As they moved through the world, people ran simulations of the future. What if…? They based their judgments and decisions in part on these imagined scenarios. (Id. at 300.)

In short, people “…created alternatives to reality by undoing reality. (Id. at 301.) He also discovered that the closer the “miss” (i.e., missing a flight by 5 minutes versus missing the flight by 30 minutes), the more upset people became even though both “misses” produced the same result- a flight departing without them! (Id. at 301-2.)

Kahneman discovered that the emotions tied to our “undoing” of events were regret, frustration and envy. Regret is obvious in that we can all understand that we ‘regret” missing the flight. Frustration is also understandable as who has not been frustrated at missing a flight and then having to go through the process of finding another later flight. But envy is different. As Kahneman explains,

…to experience envy, it is sufficient to have a vivid image of oneself in another person’s shoes; it is not necessary to have a plausible scenario of how one came to occupy those shoes. (Id.)

That is, while regret and frustration requires us to imagine ourselves in someone’s else’s shoes, envy does not. (Id.)

And so, our imagination obeys certain rules, to “undo” things:

One rule was that the more items there were to undo to create some alternative reality, the less likely the mind was to undo them. People seemed less likely to undo someone being killed by a massive earthquake than they were to undo a person’s being killed by a bolt of lightning, because undoing the earthquake required them to undo all the earthquake had done. “The more consequences an event has, the larger the change that is involved in eliminating that event. (Id. at 303.) …And the more there is to undo, the less likely the mind is even to try. (Id.at 304.)

Kahneman also found that our “… minds tended to remove whatever felt surprising or unexpected.” (Id.) Thus, we would “undo” the different route someone took that day or “undo” the timing of the event. But, if a person did everything the way she did every day, but this time, met with an untoward consequence, our minds would find it difficult to “undo” the scenario since it was not out of the ordinary. (Id. at 304-5.)

Reading these pages brought me to an “ah-hah” moment. I never realized the “what if” or “if only” scenarios I played in my mind. No doubt, all of the parties with whom I mediate, also partake in this heuristic. The issue is whether I should call them on it, and make them aware that they are attempting to “undo” reality?

… Just something to think about.

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Copyright 2017© Phyllis G. Pollack and www.pgpmediation.com, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Phyllis G. Pollack and www.pgpmediation.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The post If Only…? appeared first on Los Angeles California Mediation Services | San Diego Dispute Mediation | San Francisco Business & Commercial Mediation.

from Updates By Suzanne http://www.pgpmediation.com/if-only/

[suzannemcappsca]

If Only…?

    Have you ever asked yourself, “What if I had taken a different route? Then I would not have been involved in the auto accident?” Or, “what if I had left the house five minutes earlier, I would have made the flight, and not missed it?” What if…., then life would have happened differently?

We all posit these “counterfactuals” scenarios, thinking that if we had done something slightly different, a different and often more positive outcome would have occurred.

But, most of us (including me) do not realize that we are participating in an “undoing” mind game. I realized it only after reading The Undoing Project by Michael Lewis (W. W. Norton & Company, New York 2017). While the author focuses on the decades long relationship between Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, the last part of the book discusses Kahneman’s fourth heuristic- the “simulation heuristic” which he developed after learning of the tragic death of his nephew who was killed in an air plane crash about a week before he was to be discharged from the Israeli Air Force. He found his mind wondering, “If only my nephew had been discharged a week earlier? Or, if only he had done something different moments before the crash?” If only…. (Id. at 298-300.) He realized the fantasy he was pursuing and that everyone does it. His new heuristic

…was all about the power of unrealized possibilities to contaminate people’s minds. As they moved through the world, people ran simulations of the future. What if…? They based their judgments and decisions in part on these imagined scenarios. (Id. at 300.)

In short, people “…created alternatives to reality by undoing reality. (Id. at 301.) He also discovered that the closer the “miss” (i.e., missing a flight by 5 minutes versus missing the flight by 30 minutes), the more upset people became even though both “misses” produced the same result- a flight departing without them! (Id. at 301-2.)

Kahneman discovered that the emotions tied to our “undoing” of events were regret, frustration and envy. Regret is obvious in that we can all understand that we ‘regret” missing the flight. Frustration is also understandable as who has not been frustrated at missing a flight and then having to go through the process of finding another later flight. But envy is different. As Kahneman explains,

…to experience envy, it is sufficient to have a vivid image of oneself in another person’s shoes; it is not necessary to have a plausible scenario of how one came to occupy those shoes. (Id.)

That is, while regret and frustration requires us to imagine ourselves in someone’s else’s shoes, envy does not. (Id.)

And so, our imagination obeys certain rules, to “undo” things:

One rule was that the more items there were to undo to create some alternative reality, the less likely the mind was to undo them. People seemed less likely to undo someone being killed by a massive earthquake than they were to undo a person’s being killed by a bolt of lightning, because undoing the earthquake required them to undo all the earthquake had done. “The more consequences an event has, the larger the change that is involved in eliminating that event. (Id. at 303.) …And the more there is to undo, the less likely the mind is even to try. (Id.at 304.)

Kahneman also found that our “… minds tended to remove whatever felt surprising or unexpected.” (Id.) Thus, we would “undo” the different route someone took that day or “undo” the timing of the event. But, if a person did everything the way she did every day, but this time, met with an untoward consequence, our minds would find it difficult to “undo” the scenario since it was not out of the ordinary. (Id. at 304-5.)

Reading these pages brought me to an “ah-hah” moment. I never realized the “what if” or “if only” scenarios I played in my mind. No doubt, all of the parties with whom I mediate, also partake in this heuristic. The issue is whether I should call them on it, and make them aware that they are attempting to “undo” reality?

… Just something to think about.

If you would like to receive this blog automatically by e mail each week, please click on one of the following plugins/services:

http://www.shootthebreeze.net/blogalert/index.php

http://blogtrottr.com/

and for the URL, type in my blog post address: http://www.pgpmediation.com/feed/ and then type in your e mail address and click "submit".

Copyright 2017© Phyllis G. Pollack and www.pgpmediation.com, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Phyllis G. Pollack and www.pgpmediation.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The post If Only…? appeared first on Los Angeles California Mediation Services | San Diego Dispute Mediation | San Francisco Business & Commercial Mediation.

from Updates By Suzanne http://www.pgpmediation.com/if-only/