#if I had to pick two aliens who I thought might have read the book... yeah I probably would've gone jorge + valentino makes sense

[batsplat]

*falls to my knees* valentino read agassi's book omg

[theeccentricraven]

Writer's Questionnaire

Thank you @poethill for the tag! I'm glad I finally found a window of time to get down to this.

About Me

When did you start writing?

When I was six years old, I wrote my first stories. My first story was called "Puppy's Birthday". It was about a puppy named Puppy.

Are the general themes you read similar to the ones you write? 

Good question. The books I read often deal with similar themes that I like to dive into, especially Dystopian fiction. The themes I write are inspired more by my personal experiences in life and philosophies I’ve formed. I like to deal with themes that other writers might have not considered before. 

Is there an author you’d like to emulate or be compared to? 

I hope to be like Brandon Sanderson, a writer with exquisite writing skills who produces highly entertaining stories.

Can you tell us about your writing space? 

Wherever I can bring and set my laptop.

How do you motivate yourself to write?

Thinking about the prize at the end - a published book that says, “Created by a good writer.”

Does your childhood influence the characters and places you write?

Yes, a lot. Many of my stories, like Columbus Day and The Star House Club, take place in my home state of Oregon. The fantasy world of The Keeper of Maralla is largely based on Oregon. My characters in The Star House Club were based on characters I created when I was a kid. Some characters are based on friends and enemies alike. 

Are there any recurring themes in your writing?

Self-esteem. The fight for liberty and opposing oppression. The exploitation of children. Humility in recognizing we are not as advanced or erudite as we think we are. The quest for redemption. Finding faith when surrounded by secularism. The disgust I have for hatred toward both sexes, misandry and misogyny alike. These themes matter a lot to me on a personal level based on my life experiences.    

My Characters

Who is your favorite character and why?

Hard to choose. Probably Jorem because he is so book smart, handsome, and rebellious. I could also say the same about Justin who is street smart, handsome, and rebellious. 

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life? 

Probably Maralla because she is the ideal comfort character.

Which of your characters would you most dislike irl?

Most of my villains, especially President Fidel who is a master gas lighter and manipulator. 

What is your process with creating characters? 

I come up with characters in the same way that I come up with story ideas in general. When I get an idea, it starts with “What if…” or “How about…” I often think of the MC who is the driving force of the idea. The Blood Cleaners resulted from my thinking, “What if there was an occupation for people who had the sole responsibility to clean up blood?” I quickly imagined the MC who made this story possible - Justin, a street cleaner who wants to be a blood cleaner more than anything. Columbus Day resulted from me wanting to write a first contact story where Avatar meets Pocahontas on earth. I immediately thought of my two protagonists - the human girl and the alien whose friendship would be the center of the story. Sanctuary Calling resulted from my wondering, “What if the human race abandoned earth but left behind primitive societies like some Native American, African, and Middle Eastern tribes, as well as the Amish?” I quickly thought up the MC who would be a girl that made the dangerous trip back to earth and would meet someone from one of the societies left on earth - an Amish boy.

Much as I like my characters, I confess I’m still struggling with flat character development. I’m still learning. My current strategy is to make profiles using Gail Carson Levine’s character dossier sheet that she provided in “Writing Magic”. I then cherry pick from various character sheets I find from various resources. I don’t make full profiles for all characters. I try to think of how a character would react to a situation and what they would say that defines their personality. I love to use the Tumblr writing prompts where characters rephrase a line in their own way. This is just all part of the preparation phase. I’m drafting, I often end up pansting or discovery writing a lot of my characters.

Do you have recurring themes/traits in your characters? 

Again, I struggle too much with flat character development. I often have characters who are shy and insecure, which describes me. I try as much as possible to have characters be different from me. I also have to be careful of Mary Sues as many of my characters are smarter than me, but I know I shouldn’t go overboard. 

How do you picture them? 

I used various pics I found on the web. Origins are linked in the photos.

Justin

Joselyn

Clarice

Jorem

Maralla

Juva

Julie

Nari

Abe

My Writing

What is your reason for writing?

Throughout my life, I’ve come up with thousands of ideas that can’t leave my head. I have to get them on paper where I can mold them and craft them to a shape readers will enjoy. 

Is there a specific type of comment that you find motivating coming from your readers? 

I haven’t shared much of my work, but it’s motivated me when I share snippets that make fellow Writeblrs curious. It makes me want to finish my book and send it to beta readers as well as publish it so that the curiosity will be satisfied.  

How do you want to be thought of by those that read your work? 

I want them to love my characters and consider my writing to be good. I don’t feel I’m at that level yet, but am working hard to earn the compliment, “I love the characters! The writing is superb!”

What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Coming up with imaginative stories and settings. I go into extensive brainstorming that mixes ideas in a soup to form a fascinating story.

What have you been told is your greatest strength?

Much as I lack confidence in my character development skills, I have been well complimented when I have my characters say something proactive and in character. 

How do you feel about your writing? 

I’m not a master, but more than an apprentice. I’m a journeyman. I’ve significantly improved my writing. I am only fairly decent at writing for now. 

If you knew no one would ever read what you wrote, would you still write? 

Yes with 110% confidence.

Are you influenced more by what the reader might like or what you like? 

Good question because I struggle with this. To name one example, I want to have a love triangle in my current WIP. However, all throughout social media, readers and writers say they hate love triangles. The love triangle serves a significant purpose in my WIP. I’d hate to cut it. The best I can do is try to play out the love triangle the right way, not the badly done way that angers readers. In the end, I try to write the type of book that I would like to read, believing there must be readers out there with similar likes.

Tagging (sorry I don't know for sure who has already been tagged for this one): @buffythevampirelover @rickie-the-storyteller @happypup-kitcat24 @jay-avian @leahnardo-da-veggie @pluppsauthor @oliolioxenfreewrites @tildeathiwillwrite

[dontbelasagnax]

9 People You Would Like to Get to Know Better

I was tagged by @notthestarwar and I think @merlyn-bane tagged me a week or two ago. Thanks guys!

Three ships: Really, the two big ones for me right now are codywan and ineffable husbands. They're all I want to think about... buuuut if I had to pick a third one, it would be hannigram. Not in the mood to read the fanfiction but I do so love the gifsets.

First ever ship: I don't know. I had a fondness for a variety of different pairings before I ever knew what fandom or shipping was. I guess the first couple I actively shipped--really went ham and shoved them together like barbie dolls--was the Doctor and River Song. Love those two, especially the space wives.

Last song: What'd I Say, Pt 1 & 2 by Ray Charles

Last movie: Alien! Watched it for the first time a few weeks ago and thought it was good. Loved the set design, lighting, overall pacing, and tHE CAT! Definitely kept asking myself when it was going to get scary though 😂

Currently reading: American Gods by Neil Gaiman! I started it a few months ago when I bought it, alongside too many other books, from a used bookstore on a trip visiting my best friend but I hadn't touched it again before today. I have this horrid habit of binge reading for a couple hours and then putting the book down only to procrastinate picking it up again it for months (usually years) even though I really loved what I'd read thus far. Really happy I picked it up again- I do love a Gaiman story.

Currently watching: My mom and I have been watching GBBO together but very very soon we will be watching the 60th anniversary Doctor Who specials. November here we come! Doo wee doooooo

Currently consuming: Water, always and forever. Might make myself some tea in a bit.

Currently craving: More scented candles... but I'm so hard to please. I only like the most basic of scents singularly and perfected. Classic things like vanilla or cinnamon but not both at the same time.

no pressure tags: @anaclastic-azurite @korra-is-love @foreverchangingfandomsao3 @shortcuts-make-long-delays

[hummingbird-of-light]

In Our Favor

Part 137

McCoy

“When those come out we’ll have tea and then ye lads relax for a while.”

McCoy glanced over at Scotty as Francine spoke. He could feel the tired drag from being up early and working in the garden. A yawn escaped before he could stop it. Scotty chuckled.

“A rest might be nice,” Scotty replied to his mother. “Can’t have his highness miss any beauty sleep.” He grinned at McCoy, who’s mouth dropped open in surprise at the tease.

“Monty!” Francine admonished.

“As if you won’t be right there next to me, snoring away yourself,” McCoy retorted with a laugh. “Don’t worry Francine, he thinks he’s funny.”

“Aye, I am,” Scotty said proudly.

“In your dreams,” McCoy scoffed with a roll of his eyes. He leaned in close and Scotty met him quickly for a kiss.

“You lads,” Francine said fondly. “I’ll clean up in here. No, no, I’ve got it,” she said as the boys began to protest. “Go on.”

“We can go read in the garden for a bit while it’s still warm,” Scotty said.

“Alright,” McCoy agreed. He followed Scotty from the kitchen and up to their room.

As McCoy dug in his bag for the latest book they were reading together, Scotty picked up his PADD and typed something quickly.

“Here we go,” McCoy said as he closed his bag again with the book in hand. He gave Scotty a questioning look.

“Just sending Aporal a message,” Scotty said, setting the device back down.

“Did he have plans for the long weekend?” McCoy asked as they left the room.

“I don’t think so,” Scotty said. “I hope he won’t just stay in his room and avoid everyone.”

“Send Keenser over to check on him. He won’t be put off by Aporal’s gruffness.”

“Maybe,” Scotty said. “Maybe next time we come home…”

McCoy looked over expectantly when Scotty didn’t complete his thought.

“Maybe what?” he asked.

Scotty sighed. “Maybe we could invite him here next time we come. If he didn’t have plans.”

“Oh.” McCoy thought about it. He wondered what Aporal’s family was like. How much family did the alien boy have? McCoy realized how very little he knew about the Andorian.

“He’d probably just turn us down,” Scotty continued.

“Probably,” McCoy agreed. “Though he may surprise us.”

Scotty read and McCoy drifted lazily on the edges of sleep with his head pillowed on his husband's lap. When Francine called them in, McCoy gave himself a good stretch and pulled Scotty tight for a kiss.

The kitchen smelled delicious as they came in. The pastries were just out from the oven and Francine was beginning to pour tea as they sat.

“Two sugars, right Leonard?”

“Yes, thank you,” he replied with a smile. “The scones smell delicious. My mouth is already watering.”

Francine turned a light pink.

“I thought tomorrow maybe we could go out to the beach. The weather is supposed to be even nicer and we could spend part of the day, maybe have a nice picnic lunch,” she said.

“That sounds great,” McCoy said and looked at Scotty.

“Aye Mum, let's do that,” Scotty said.

Part 138

Scotty

"Now that's more like chilly Scotland," Leonard said as they got out of the car and looked at the sea. The prince was shivering a little bit so Scotty quickly got their jackets out of the trunk and handed Leonard his.

"There ye go. This will keep ye warm enough."

"What? I thought you would do that!" Leonard asked, pretending to be shocked and Scotty chuckled.

"Well, if ye insist."

He grabbed Leonard by his arm and pulled him closer, causing Francine, who had gotten out of the car too by now, to laugh softly.

"Oh ye lads. How about ye go and open the door to the beach house already?" She handed Scotty the key and he nodded.

"Aye, we will."

Quickly the couple started to run towards the wee house and it didn't take them too long to reach it. Still, they were both panting heavily when they reached their destination.

"And? Ye warm enough now?" Scotty chuckled, out of breath and Leonard gave him a grin. There was a longing look inside his eyes.

"Maybe. But I'd sure feel even warmer if I felt your lips on mine." The prince wiggled his eyebrows, knowing they were out of Granddad and Francine's sight.

"Oh, really now?" Scotty smirked and leaned in closer. "Well then..."

The kiss that followed was a really passionate one and Scotty tried his best not to lose himself in it. They needed to get inside the house before his mother and grandfather arrived.

But it was so nice to kiss. At the beach. In the sun...

Luckily, the sound of his PADD recieving a message pulled Scotty back to reality and he pulled his head back to glance at the bag hanging from his shoulder.

"Oh, maybe that's Aporal." The Andorian hadn't answered the day before so Scotty had assumed that he was busy.

Leonard let out a sigh.

"And of course he's more important than your husband," he said, but Scotty could tell that he wasn't being too serious. The Scotsman smiled and placed one hand on Leonard's cheek.

"Oh, come on, mo ghràdh. Ye know that I only love ye."

But still he wanted to know if it really was Aporal who had written to him. So he quickly unlocked the door to the beach house and they got inside.

As fast as he could, Scotty got his PADD out of the bag and a smile crossed his face when he saw that the message was actually from Aporal.

"What does it say?" Leonard asked. He too was interested.

Scotty's eyes scanned the lines. He was quite surprised by the words he read.

"His parents are visiting him this weekend. He says that he'll tell me more once we're back at the academy."

It wasn't clear to read if that visit was a bad or a good thing, but Scotty really hoped for the latter one.

"Well, well. Who's ready for a wee picnic and some games?"

Scotty looked up from the PADD to see Francine and Alasdair standing in the doorway.

"Aye, let's go."

[chowtrolls]

How Do Trolls Learn Language?

Here’s the Google Docs Link, I think it’s much easier to read on GD! 

Before I go on a hugeass long winded ramble, I want to clarify my qualifications so you know I’m not just talking out my ass. I have a degree in Middle Childhood Education, specifically in Language Arts! I also have certifications in teaching English as a second language and in reading intervention. Essentially, I am qualified to provide individualized instruction for students K-12 who may have delays in literacy, or have a reading disability of some sort. When I write this, please know I’ve thought about this SO MUCH. Phonics & language development are actually faucets of education that I not only highly value, but adore! 

Enough tooting my own horn. You get the gist. 

Language is developed in children by developing their phonological awareness, going up a ladder and ending with phonemic awareness. Phonological Awareness is the ability and awareness of sounds in a spoken language (ex: /cat/ rhymes with /bat/. If I replace c with r, the word is now /rat/). Phonemic Awareness is the understanding that letters make sounds, and how to manipulate them (I know /cat/ is sounded out by saying /cuh/ /ah/ /tuh/. The first sound of /cat/ is /cuh/. C can make /k/ or /s/ sounds.). Now, I could spend literally hours telling you the steps and processes. If you WANT to know more- you can look up how decoding, blending, and fluency lead up the ladder steps to phonemic awareness. But I don’t want to bore you. And I know you’re probably confused, isn’t this about aliens?? Yes! Hold on!!

Language is developed SOCIALLY! Primarily by PARENTS! And secondarily by SCHOOLS!!!! I know, I know, who woulda thunk schools had a purpose? Children who are read to by their parents have a higher rate of fluency & literacy. And in schools, if anyone can recall, you might’ve done some now silly activities like…”A is for Apple, B is for Ball,” maybe a word wall if you were lucky, sounding out syllables, “I before C except after E”, “When Two vowels go walking the first one does the talking..” so on and so forth. Those were necessary skills for developing your language skills. You didn’t wake up one day and just KNOW how to read. It took literal decades of your life. It took decades of conversations with peers, with friends, with adults in your life, reading books and watching movies, listening to adults converse, reading signs on the streets without realizing it…even now, you’re still learning! Even now, you’re still utilizing the phonemic & phonological awareness skills you learned over decades of being a social creature on Earth!!

When I make you read this word, it might be the first time you’ve seen it, it might not. Humor me. 

PHANTASMAGORIA 

As a human being with some experience in the English Language, you might know how to work your way through it. /PH/ makes an /f/ sound, right? So you know it starts with /f/. You know /ant/ and /mag/, and can blend the word into /phan/-/tas/-/mag/-/or/-/ia/. Those are all skills you learned socially. Somewhere along your life, you picked up the information that /ph/ makes /f/, and that O when paired with an R makes an /or/ sound. These tiny little aspects of your knowledge were developed socially. Via conversations. Listening. Talking to adults as a child. Talking to classmates as a student. Reading books. Watching video game streamers. Listening to music. Singing. Eavesdropping on your mom while she was on the phone. But mostly…Talking, talking, talking! Baby, language is a socially developed construct!  

So how the fuck do trolls learn language?

Trolls don’t officially have schoolfeeding (or so I was told.) On top of that, trolls are primarily raised by lusii, semi-sentient animals that haven’t all been shown as capable of language. Some may speak telepathically! But how can an entire race of aliens learn to speak the same languages if only a tiny fraction of them actually had parents who spoke to them? Trolls might’ve had jades in the caverns speak to them as grubs but, if we use human child development as our baseline, we know that isn’t nearly long enough to develop any true sense of phonological awareness. 

While my qualifications are primarily in teaching English, I know full well that literacy is similar amongst every language, every community. It’s a socially taught concept. And if we turn our gaze to animals, you’ll see it's much the same! Think of a litter of puppies. They don’t speak a literal language- but they have a body language. They learn through play with their littermates and interactions with the dogs around them what is and isn’t acceptable, and how things are said in their own language. A puppy learns from watching its mom play bow. 

Because trolls aren’t inherently social, and because their parental figures often can’t read themselves, I propose the idea that trolls are born knowing language. Or, well, hatched. 

We know, looking at the animal kingdom, that not all things a creature does is language-based or even socially learned. For example, how do puppies know to bite? They don’t learn it from mom or their litter, it’s an instinct. They’re born knowing how to do that. Human babies are born with a lot of instincts they can’t utilize until later in life, but every baby’s first instinct is to cry. The baby has no idea what crying will lead to- and ultimately later will learn- but in the first few moments of life, a baby cries. It doesn’t know why. It just cries. A puppy just bites. A baby bird just opens its mouth. A newborn foal just stands. And I believe that a troll, once it reaches pupation, just speaks. You could argue that humans are also born with the instinct to learn language, but…if left WITHOUT verbal language right from birth, a human being just won’t speak. My theory is, even without verbal language, a troll WOULD. Or at the very least, a troll could pick up verbal language much faster. 

I don’t think a newly pupated toddler troll knows what physics is and could explain what the fourth state of matter is. But I do think they’re made knowing a certain pool of words. It could be that as grubs, their lusii CAN communicate with them- so they’re pupated knowing basic words their lusii spoke to them as grubs. Language here is still a socially developed skill, but not entirely dependent on such. A troll living in a city with advertisements and signs everywhere, with music playing constantly, with the chatter of adults and older trolls all around, might have more developed language skills than a troll who lives in the country. But ultimately they both can still speak, and hold a conversation! I think lowbloods in tight-knit communities would have higher literacy levels, and if we follow the headcanon of Fleet Academies, then highbloods in those settings might as well. Jades typically are raised together, too. 

And, furthermore, my final point here is that trolls are developed to pick up on language much easier than a human might be. This would probably be the absolute best way of explaining it. That language, to trolls, is an instinct, and something that they as an alien race are highly capable of building off of. They are just hatched knowing language, and knowing how to develop it. Trolls never have to DEVELOP the sense of metacognition. They are hatched with it. A troll doesn’t have to develop phonological awareness. They’re hatched with the fully developed ability to hear, identify, and manipulate sounds in a spoken language. They never have a period of having to learn the language they’re being spoken- they are hatched knowing it. 

An unfortunately unsatisfactory answer, right? 

This will still keep me up at night until I can create a more solid concept. However, there truly is no way I can properly explain the intricacies of this without word vomiting phonological concepts on you. Trolls are hatched with a higher capacity for fluency in language. Since societal conversations and norms aren’t heavily relied upon in trollian society, concepts such as prosody aren’t as focused upon. If Alternia has one main universal language, it would mean trolls have less to learn- however, as a human, I struggle to see how trolls can have one language without a plethora of regional dialects, as we have in the United States. 

By never having to develop a sense of metacognition, by starting their language development halfway up the ladder by knowing language from the start, by perhaps not having to go through Piaget’s developmental stages as slowly as humans do, trolls perhaps have a higher capacity for learning in general. This might be a survival skill- they live in such a hostile society that it might be necessary for them to have a higher language level. Perhaps there are colonies or planets run by trolls who DO teach socially, and they have an even higher rate of fluency and literacy. 

That’s the fun part about aliens, right? 

You can kinda do whatever you want with them! :)

[tenthousandyearsx]

Hey! I'm curious, pls indulge me: which book or fic that you've read in 2023 has made the most impression and why? x

Hi magpie! What a great question to find in my inbox. ❤ I actually rarely look back or make lists for some reason, so it was lovely to do so just now!

Books:

I saw someone reading “Lanark” by Alasdair Gray on public transport last December. I had never heard of it before, so I looked it up and it ended up being one of the wildest things I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I really, really liked the first book, it made me think of The Master and Margarita (which I adore!) and it seemed plucked entirely from the author's unconscious, which is always a bonus with me. But as I read the other three books, I got progressively more frustrated and annoyed, so I honestly don’t know if I’d recommend it. That said, the opening book was such a shock, I can’t stop thinking about it. I just keep wishing I could unread the rest. 😬 (Sorry for the conflicting rec! You might have read it already – and if so, I’d love to know what you think).

Because I'm so conflicted about choosing the novel above, my second pick is a reread of a book I used to love as a teen, but that nobody seems to have heard of. It’s called ‘The Only Alien on the Planet’ by Kristen D. Randle. It has nothing to do with aliens; it's a getting together YA novel about a boy who refuses to speak or be touched and the female protagonist, who's a transfer student and doesn't know what she can or can't do around him. It was my first time rereading it in almost two decades and I still loved it so much. I have no idea what it would be like to read it for the first time as an adult though. CW for childhood trauma – but it’s not a heavy novel. I fell for the male character all over again 🥲.

(Also, because I know you like danmei as much as I do, I just want to add here that I’m dying to read Nan Chan – but I haven't yet!!)

Fics:

I’ve been binging a lot of Alhaitham / Kaveh fics – their characters are so compelling and I cannot get enough of the whole quarrelling scholars living together dynamic they have going. On top of this, I discovered only a couple of days ago that Alhaitham is based on Tagore among other things, so now my brainrot is even worse.

This is probably not a ship you’re interested in, but if you are, I loved "pure conjecture" by shrimpheavnnow. It's 5.7k words PWP but it’s so them, and I thought the premise was hilarious. I also need to mention a wip I’m following, which is very much on the same vein but looks like it's going to be 12 glorious chapters of PWP: “testing, testing” by Lithopus.

Drarry: I don’t normally read memory loss fics, but I read "Somewhere in My Memory" by maraudersaffair while I was stuck at home with covid and it brightened my week so much I’m still thinking about it months later. I’m personally really bad at writing domesticity, and I thought their day-to-day looked so effortless here!

Oh! I also read astolat’s Jeeves and Wooster fic for the first time a few weeks ago ("Jeeves and the Blessed Indiscretion") and I thought her Wooster’ voice was brilliant.

Sorry for the long reply! I was probably supposed to pick only one but I got a bit carried away.

If you have any fic recs, especially wangxian and hualian, I'd love to hear them! x

[cartoonbrat16]

My DNA

??? Pov

I stood with two others before Vilgax, ruler of Vilgaxia. I was auditioning for a mission, but it was no ordinary mission. The victor would be sent to Earth to find the girl who held the Omnitrix, bring her back, and then help keep watch over her. It was a very strange mission, but Vilgax promised a healthy reward.

It came my turn and I got on my hoverboard and began attacking the robots. I was quick, brute, and finished in record time, I then got back in line with the other two.

Vilgax appeared on a screen, "Very impressive, you are all hired, whoever succeeds will get the reward." he wheeze. I looked between my competitors and scoffed. I headed for my pod and headed to Earth, I would have the girl in no time, that or my name isn't Tetrax.

~~~~~~~~~

Jen pov

"I can't believe I agreed to this," Grandpa said as he tied a rope for the training course. I smiled at Grandpa while I stretched, "Me either." I said happily. I had finally convinced Grandpa to let me use the Omnitrix, and believe me, it was not easy to work. The [only reason he agreed was that I promised to only use it if necessary. However, I still might get a little personal use out of it.

"Ok, get ready Jen," Grandpa said and I nodded. I stood in the center of the training course, I and Grandpa shared a nod. Grandpa pulled a lever and tires came flying at me, I quickly dove, pulled up my screen, and transformed into Diamondhead. I turned my arm into a blade and sliced an incoming barrel. Grandpa pulled a rope and multiple targets sprung up, I backflipped behind them and sliced all of them

Grandpa pulled another lever and a tire got me by surprise. I was knocked off my feet and my bandana fell from my neck. I grumbled and backflipped and shot giant shards from the ground piercing the tire.

"That's enough." Grandpa suddenly said and I turned to him confused. "We just started," I said Grandpa narrowed his eyes at me, and I sighed in defeat. I returned to my human form and grabbed my bandana before boarding the RV. We started driving and I glared at Grandpa from the table, he never told me.

"Jen, why are you upset?" I looked at Bleep who was hovering beside me. "Because Grandpa won't chill out, he panics over every little thing I do involving the Omnitrix," I said low enough so Grandpa wouldn't hear. "We are calling it the Omnitrix now?" Gwen asked, sometimes I forgot she was here.

"Yea, that's its name," I said, and could see Grandpa stiffen. Gwen rolled her eyes, I did the same and pulled up my screen. I materialized my headphones and turned on a fairy tale book reading, it served as perfect background noise. I started working on one of my other builds, this one was a crossbow that shot electric energy arrows. I smiled and worked in peace, that is until the RV began to break down.

'This can't be good.' I thought and put everything away. Grandpa pulled into a nearby town, "Huh, Slaterville, built when silver was discovered but went bust when the mines dried up." I started knowing we wouldn't get any help here. "Know it all." I heard Gwen mutter "What did I say on the first night of the summer trip?" I asked crossing my arms with a glare.

Gwen began to pout and I walked away to explore the old town. Despite my love for advanced builds and stuff, I enjoy the old-fashioned stuff as well. I walked into an old mine and picked up a rusted tool, "Hehe, this is a perfect souvenir." I said and digitized the item into my souvenir folder. I smiled and walked deeper into the mine and looked at everything.

I admired everything, but the ground suddenly began to shake. The ground began to rise as something tunneled under and around me. "Wow!" I jumped back as something broke through to the surface. I didn't hesitate and transformed into Ghostfreak, the alien turned around to face me. "You're coming with me." he hissed and snapped his claws at me.

"Not happening, Crab Cake," I said and disappeared. I floated up to the ceiling and changed back. Quickly magnetizing my gloves to the ceiling I watched the alien in curiosity. He twisted his head around, he had no clue what happened. I quietly giggled and kept watching, but then something shot past my head.

"AHH!?!" I jumped from the ceiling and another alien appeared. He spoke in a strange language, but just like with the Kraken, I could understand him. "Give me the girl!" he hissed and Crab Cake shot a laser at him. The shot hit him and I quickly sorted an attack of my own. "Let go you human rat, I have a reward to claim," he said and I smirked at him.

"Not in a million years!" I yelled and jabbed him with my Taser. The alien hissed and howled in pain before falling to the ground. "Well, you saved me some trouble." Crab Cake grabbed me by the hair, but he just cut it and I fell to the ground. I quickly tasered him and ran out to Gwen and Grandpa.

I ran as fast as I could and when the RV came into view I smiled. "Sometimes I think I should have destroyed her with everything else." my running slowed to a stop ad I heard Grandpa speak. Gwen stood with her arms crossed, "Why did you save her? Why did you bring her back after he took her? Things would be easier without her." she said. I felt my heart rate pick up and my eyes filled with tears. "she was just a baby I.... couldn't." Grandpa's eyes caught mine, Gwen looked and pressed her arms to her sides.

"Wh-What are you talking about?" my voice came out shaky, and my body began to tremble. "We aren't talking about you," Gwen said I didn't need to scan her to know she was lying. Granda stepped closer and I backed away, I shook my head and ran away from the two. I heard Gwen call for me to stop, but that just made me run even faster.

Tears started streaming down my face, I transformed into XLR8 and left the town not looking back. What were they talking about, why did it involve me, did Aunt Ver hide something too? So many questions filled my head, and so many emotions filled my body, it was too much.

Tetrax pov

I followed the girl on my overboard, she had become so distressed. I sighed and flew down, I grabbed the back of her body suit and lifted her off the ground, "Hey, let me go!" she cried. The pulled up some type of screen and pressed a button, she returned to her human state and fell to the ground.

'Hmm, this is gonna be a little more difficult than I thought.' I thought and flew after her. I followed her into a mine, but lost sight of her, wearing mostly black assisted her greatly. I sighed and let the silence settle, I was then blessed with the sound of quiet sniffles and whimpers. I followed the sound and found the target, she was curled in on herself crying, and I could understand why.

I removed my mask and kneeled before the child, s looked up at me with big eyes. Her eyes held so much emotion, it was anger, sadness, confusion, and much more. I used my thumb to wipe the tears from her eyes, then picked her up in my arms. She was so small, it made it hard to believe this girl had the Omnitrix. I got back on my overboard, and the ground began to shake.

I ground in annoyance as Metal Mouth and Crab Cake showed up. I looked back at the two and scowled, "Go," I whispered to the girl. "What?" she asked in a voice lower than my whisper. "Go, I will handle these two and find you again, n do as I say," I whispered more sternly this time.

The girl jumped from my arms and pulled up her screen. A overboard materialized and she flew away. I turned back to the other and cracked my knuckles, this was gonna hurt them greatly.

Albedo pov

I watched from the shadows as the bounty hunters fought, while Jen left. Great I've already spent so much time on this planet, now I had to spend even more. I groaned in annoyance and left the scene, the things I do for Azmuth.

[rmhashauthor]

hey! this is chance & here’s week 3’s prompt. share an excerpt that you’re very proud of from any of your wips.

This is probably my favorite non-physical interaction between my OCs Doctor Ardus, a Dreen (an alien species of my own invention), and Doctor Nina Ma'atanoa, a human. You can find the COMPLETE book here (links to Wattpad) and read it for FREE!

Ardus waited a few moments more before he backed away from the group and walked over to the human woman. She acknowledged him with a glance. Folding his arms over his chest he said, “Nia is presenting a lifesaving discovery that would have been impossible without you, and yet you are standing over here alone.” He leaned forward, looking down at her face. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.

Nina looked up at Onu's Table, silent for a few moments. Thoughtful. “It's hard to be excited when people could get hurt.”

“I understand that.” Ardus straightened. “We had a similar event a few months before you arrived, and it turned out to be nothing.”

“A lot of people died the last time a package like that came here.”

Ardus shuffled his feet, his clawed, semi-webbed toes clicking on the floor. “True, but no one in this room believes you had anything to do with that. I know you had nothing to do with it.”

“That doesn't stop everyone else from staring.”

He smirked. “They stare because you are half their size.”

“They stare because I'm human. Because I'm the same species as the people who destroyed that cargo vessel, killed and hurt all those Dreen.” She reached out and straightened a glass cube that encased a piece of chromium the size of Ardus's thumb, pushing it into place with the tip of her finger. Her voice had a hard edge to it. “They stare because a few idiots made my whole species look like murderers, and they wonder if I'm just like them.”

“But you are not.”

“Basic survival instincts tell us to avoid the things that look like things that have hurt us in the past, even when logic tells us otherwise. It's hard to separate the individual from the species when life or death are on the line.”

Ardus listened. The lockdown hadn't upset her as much as the idea that her own people might be the cause, he realized. “You feel guilty for the actions of others?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it's stupid.” Nina huffed into her mask. “Hurting people is stupid, hating people because they're different is a waste of time. I never understood it.” She picked up a cube containing a twisted lump of copper, turning it over in her hands. “I always thought that being different was a good thing. If everyone was the same, there would be no new ideas, no art, no music, just the same everything over and over.”

Ardus took a cube with a lump of vanadium. He held the cube up to the light and admired how the vanadium sparkled. It was the same color as her eyes, variations on steel and storm and silver. “I agree.”

“Why is it so hard to accept that Dreen exist?” Nina continued, setting down the copper and picking up osmium. “Why do they see you as a threat? All you want to do is meet us, learn about us, work with us, and my people have to go and do something stupid.” Ardus watched Nina's fingers clench around the cube before she set it down, her hands balling into fists. He looked at her face and saw her brow furrowed, her eyes narrowed. Though her voice was too quiet to carry, Ardus heard bitter anger in it. He marveled at her fury, her frustration. She cares so much, like someone else I knew. Something in his chest knotted. “Doctor,” he gestured to the nearby table littered with pipettes, glass tubes, manuals and equipment, “come, sit with me.”

“Hmm?” Her forehead smoothed and her eyes widened as she looked up at him. Ardus pulled out two chairs, settling himself into one. He watched her climb expertly into the Dreen-sized chair, using the brackets as ladder-rungs. She turned and sat, her feet hanging more than two feet above the floor, ankles crossed. “Okay, I'm sitting. What is it?”

For a moment, all he could think about was how cute she was, how small and dainty. With an effort he dragged his mind back to the subject, away from her eyes bright with anger, her little face pinched with worry. He glanced over at the others, none were looking in their direction. “I have a theory. Perhaps my opinion is not worth much, and I have no means of proving it, but it brings me comfort. I think that once a species evolves to the point where its environment no longer poses an existential threat, we invent problems to satisfy the fight-or-flight instinct. Threats to one's safety are perceived regardless of whether or not the threat exists, so strong is the desire to survive. We may see the arrival of a new species as competition for resources, a threat to our existence, rivals for power and authority. However, we cannot simply shed the parts of our brains that control these responses, but we can override them with reason. At that point, evolution becomes an individual choice rather than a species-wide affair, affecting all who survive and propagate.”

“You're saying,” Nina's eyes widened, “once a species becomes advanced enough for reason, higher thought, self-awareness, empathy, we can choose to ignore our instincts, decide to not fear the unknown until we have a reason to, to embrace the different and the strange. We have the ability to choose to transcend our animal natures – fight or flight, competition for resources, defending territory – and go beyond the fear response, to move past phobia and into acceptance. Doing so advances the species faster than natural means, because one can make a choice faster than their environment can change them.”

Ardus could not resist a smile. He spread his hands. “That is it, precisely. It may be that my species is older than yours, that we came to this same divergence millennia ago, but it would seem that we Dreen have already made the choice to evolve beyond our baser fears. But, as you have already seen, the fear is still there. Whether we are capable of higher thought or not, we still maintain the simpler brains of our ancestors deep below our more advanced minds. We are still driven to protect ourselves from danger.”

“Can you blame them?” she asked. “Six humans show up, half your size, and blow up a shipping vessel with enough explosives to knock a small moon out of orbit. That would be like Meem's bluebacks going on a rampage and taking out everyone in this facility and most of the city down the beach. I'd be scared to death every time I saw one after that. What about you? It can't be easy working with us after...after that.”

Ardus shrugged. “I sympathize with those who lost loved ones, but I refuse to settle the blame where it does not belong.” Even as he said it, Ardus felt a twinge in his chest. “Perhaps the greatest contribution you can make to the Dreen-human alliance is to show your people that such an option exists. After all, you have already made the choice to come live among creatures much larger and stronger than yourself,” he gestured towards himself, indicating his size and claws, “in spite of the obvious hazard to someone of your stature.”

To his satisfaction and relief, Nina smiled. “I don't know about Dreen, but where I come from ignoring your common sense can get you labeled as either strange or an idiot.”

“I have been called worse.”

The spark had returned to her eyes, and now her mouth curled in a smirk. “You've been called worse than an idiot?” Ardus gave her a narrow-eyed smile, but no answer. Instead, he threw a look over at Nia's workstation. He caught the tail end of Nia's watchful eye. What? I am doing nothing wrong. “Perhaps we should rejoin them,” he said, turning back to the human. She was staring at his clawed fingers in his lap. “Doctor?”

“Hmm? Oh, probably. I'm sure Nia wants to tell me all about the exciting things she's done with my blood.” Ardus watched her slide forward in the chair, her apron and her dress slipping higher on her thighs. “Would you like some help?” Nina paused, her eyes flicking over to the other Dreen. “Um... I think I'm all right.”

I should think more than just all right. Ardus waited for her to pitch forward, his hands itching to catch her. Instead, he curled his fingers and pressed his claws into his palms. Once her feet were safely on the floor he stood, waiting for her to lead the way back to Nia's terminal. He stayed a few steps behind, admiring her hips from a clandestine angle. Just looking, nothing more.

[desertfangs]

It IS very weird that Benji is there (as in, court/Auvergne) at the end with Armand and not Daniel but then again, the last time before that one, Daniel is there with Armand but not Benji or Sybelle, so I guess it’s one of those things where it’s fair to assume that Armand just picks an immortal in his house to travel with at any given time depending on everyone’s mood. Also, I don’t know if Daniel would’ve had it in him to keep his mouth shut during THAT scene with Lestat, given his track record of just saying the first thing that pops into his head. Benji cried and offered Armand his support but didn’t actually say anything? And while I’m not entirely sure how Daniel would’ve reacted, I do believe it might’ve involved words and who knows how that could’ve gone! Sorry I’m just rambling now 🤣

It is, yeah! In universe, I think it's probably a matter of Daniel was off doing something else during BC2 and/or house sitting Trinity Gate (read: playing through The Last of Us and refusing to leave until he got to the end). Maybe he opted not to come to court so Sybelle and Benji went because Daniel was staying at the house. I mean the possibilities are endless.

It's just funny to me he's absent from BC2 (entirely, not so much as a mention) because Daniel is the one who literally started the series, who's such a fundamental part of Armand's life and character arc, and who is someone I think Armand could rely on for comfort and support. And instead it's Benji. 😐 As an authorial choice, it's sort of weird given that we know Armand and Daniel have recently reconnected and are presumably living together at TG, but I don't know why Anne made those decisions and I doubt we ever will.

As for Daniel being mouthy, absolutely, he doesn't really keep his thoughts to himself (except, apparently, in RoA LMAO when there are ALIENS - I'm sorry I'm just never gonna be over that. The aliens or Daniel's lack of commentary on them!)

I don't think he'd have a problem with anything Armand said: I think he knows Armand has loved Lestat deeply since they first met. I also think the reason Daniel is not mentioned in that speech is because it's understood that he's in a different category altogether and cannot be compared to Armand's other relationships (he's his fledgling, after all, among other things). And Daniel is the one in PL talking about how vampires have a great capacity for love.

So Daniel would have been supportive AF of Armand in that moment but you are very right that it would not have been SILENT support and I guess it might have complicated matters if Daniel mouthed off to Le Prince. Maybe they'd throw him down in those terrible dungeons they're building. (Fandom we need to talk about those! WTF IS THAT.)

It just bums me out that we get so little of Daniel in the final two books, when he's finally sane again and with Armand, and we see zero of it. Also dude would have had so much to say about the aliens, I just can't. MISSED OPPORTUNITY. But that is what fic is for. But like at least put him in the freaking mural, I mean, come on!

[lilareviewsbooks]

May Reading Wrap-Up: 8 SFF Books :)

Hey guys! Happy Pride Month! I have my reading month to share with you all - it's the first month of summer and so things are picking up here on the reading end. And honestly, I couldn't be more excited and happy to be reading :) Let's see what I read!

Lagoon, by Nnedi Okorafor

no rating | 306 pages | queer main characters!

This was the last book I finished before leaving school and coming home! I took a super cool sci-fi class last semester and read all sorts of books from all over the world - this was my professor's pick for Nigeria! I haven't rated it since I read under circumstances that bias me towards rating it lower than I should - aka class.

Regardless, I'll tell you my thoughts: this book tells the stories of a series of interconnected people living in Lagos, and how their lives are affected by the arrival of aliens. I love a good first contact story, so I was excited! But unfortuantely I didn't find myself liking this book too much.

The problem I have with Ms. Okorafur's writing is her pacing. I find things move too quickly to my liking, and too much attention is spared for the things I am not concerned about, while major events feel glossed-over. I had much the same feelings as I had with her Binti trilogy: I think the plot is fun, and I'm intrigued, but the writing turns me off completely. This time, I was even more into it, as Ms. Okorafur was focused on the arrival of aliens in the third world, and that was a lot more realistic, fun and unique than our typical narratives of first-contact-in-the-US - especially for a fellow third world-er.

Overall, I don't not recommend it. Give it a try! But if Binti felt rushed for you, I don't think this one will be your cup of tea, either.

The Dallergut Dream Department Store, by Lee Mi-Ye

2.5 stars | 306 pages | no queer rep :(

Oh, The Dallergut Dream Department Store... I wrote a full review on this one, so I won't dally too much, but suffice it to say it wasn't that enjoyable of an experience! The story follows Penny as she begins to work at a Dream Store people visit while they sleep.

Although definitely cozy, I thought the story really lacked direction. There's no over-arching plot, and everything feels like a sequence of short stories. At the end, the author seems to realize her mistake and attempt to insert some semblance of a plot, but it falls completely through given that it's so close to the finish line. The main character is also dreadful, with no personality, no agency, and basically no point to existing besides asking the right questions at the right times. Other characters were plenty more enjoyable and could've been amazing main characters.

Some of the vignettes were fun, but it just made me wish more and more that an editor had looked at this one more time. It has potential, but it feels like a rough draft. After a semester spent workshopping scripts, I couldn't help feeling like this was one of fellow classmates' drafts, and that I needed to help them improve. Overall, I wouldn't recommend!

A Taste of Gold and Iron, by Alexandra Rowland

4 stars | 512 pages | MLM main couple

Okay, so. I don't usually read speculative romance, and I guess I should make it clear, as it means I'm not thaaat good of a judge on the genre. But I wanted something that would make me gush, and didn't have the brain power for anything like the more complicated political fantasies I'm usually into. So was born my era of queer romantasy, which is already continuing into June.

Help. I've become quite addicted.

A Taste of Gold and Iron is, as far as I'm concerned, a delightful example of the genre. It follows a shy, anxious prince and his new bodyguard (who might resent him just the tinniest bit). They are thrust into a mystery they must unravel, as well as deal with their own personal afflictions, and - of course - navigate their feelings towards each other.

I thought the two main characters, particularly Kadou, the prince, were very well constructed. Their dynamic - "sworn to protect the prince" and "the prince" - is also treated very well throughout the book, as both of them address the implications of this particular relationship. And their relationship is so good, that it had an - uncharacteristic, let me add - effect on me: I sat up on my bed and squealed.

So, yeah! This is a good one! I will caution people who, like me, are coming from non-romance fantasy, that the main plotline outside of the relationship is very simple and silly at times. (It was comped with The Goblin Emperor, which is simply not true and a comparison I resent very much). I didn't mind it though, involved as I was with their love for each other! Highly recommend!

The Last Binding Trilogy [A Marvellous Light; A Restless Truth & A Power Unbound], by Freya Marske

3 stars (as a whole) | 400ish pages | MLM & WLW rep :)

This was my first endeavor into my search for queer Bridgerton, which has not yet proven a 100% successful, but will definitely have its own post!! Anyway, this a series set in magical Edwardian England, where a group of gays finds each other and get embroiled into a mysterious plot. Each book follows a different couple, which is a good gimmick, but there's also an over-arching plot, so you do need to read them in order.

I found myself having fun with the romances, but not impressed in the least by the plot. I found it dull, unoriginal and full of mustache-twirling villains - which is the worst offense, in my opinion. Nuance is mandatory in my favorite characters! I found the last book to be the worst offender, which is why I rated it the lowest.

I have a longer review in which I get into the nitty-gritty of this topic in particular, but also found it extremely disappointing that racism or the trans-atlantic slave trade's consequences in general were not explored at all in the books. This was worsened by the fact that other social prejudices are plenty explored - in fact, it's practically one by book: homophobia in the first, sexism in the second, and classism in the third. And although I have no expectations that all books explore all topics, given the importance and the relevance of this debate to the time period and the fact that other prejudices were unpacked, it definitely left a gapping hole.

A Natural History of Dragons, by Marie Brennan

4 stars | 334 pages | no queer rep!

In my desperate need for historical speculative fiction, as well as my attempts to read as many books as possible for my r/Fantasy Bingo card, I ended up with the Memoirs of Lady Trent series. It has long been in my TBR and so I was very excited!

It definitely fulfilled my expectations! The series chronicles the life of Isabella, or Lady Trent, a gentlewoman in "Victorian England" - it's not England and it's not Victorian, it's a made-up country, but let's leave it at that - who has an obsession with dragons (who exist, in this world!). Fighting against sexist prejudices, Isabella eventually becomes one of the major specialists in dragons of her time, and the series chronicles her various expeditions and experiences.

The novel is certainly slow, told in the more subdued voice that readers of Isabella's time period would find suitable. But this doesn't make it less exciting! I found myself particularly compelled by the exploration, however slight, of what it means to be a stranger in a place. To be visiting, and living in other peoples' houses, and exploring their culture and nature for science. Of the particular awkwardness that brings, but also of the joys, when a cross-cultural connection is made.

I'm excited to continue on with the series - I'm about halfway through book two and loving it just as much, so I expect it'll be a lot of fun for me :)

The Hatmakers, by Tamzin Merchant

4 stars | 368 pages | very minor queer side characters, but they do have a moment to shine and it's pretty cute!

Apart from historical fantasy, I also had a craving for middle grade! I loooove reading middle grade stories, and so hunted the internet for recommendations until I found this one! It's delightful: it tells the story of Cordelia, a girl whose family are magical hatmakers. One day, while out searching for ingredients to make even cooler hats, Cordelia's father is lost at sea, and Cordelia is the only one who believes he's still alive...

And imagine my delight when I found out this was set in the Regency period! It was a crazy coincidence, but it definitely helped my enjoyment. I thought the world building was nice, even if we didn't get too deep into it for this first book, and there's some politics here, too, which was fun!

My main complaints are that the book tied too many loose ends to make me compelled to read this as series. I'll definitely want to pick up book two, just 'cause, but I wonder if it wasn't best to have a bit more of a cliff-hanger with the plot points that are important in the second-half of the book. I also don't know if I agree with the way the book is approaching Cordelia's grief for her father, but I obviously haven't read the whole series, and so can't speak on the project as a whole.

Apart from this, I found the story charming, the characters delightful, and the magic system interesting, even if a little funky. I'm excited to read more in this world and from this author!

That's it for my month! I'd love to hear from you, so please let me know what you're reading, too, if you'd like, or disagree with me and we can discuss these books :)

[iwasjustgoingthere]

Books 2023

1. Lucy by the Sea by Elizabeth Strout

About an older woman who spends the lockdown by the East Coast with her husband and how she feels about the situation. It was interesting to see a different but probably not unusual version of the lockdown. 

2. A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor by Hank Green

Love it. April May and her gang deal with aliens and evil corporations trying to take over, plus the blind-blowing tech of (spoilers) being able to experience other people’s experiences. 

3. Before You Knew My Name by Jacqueline Bublitz

An 18yo girl is murdered in NYC and a mid-30s Australian woman finds her body, and then they’re connected until the murder is solved. It didn’t grip me but it picked up a bit towards the end and I got through it. 

4. The Anatomy of Ghosts by Andrew Taylor

A man is called to historical Jerusalem college to solve the matter of a young man’s insanity. It’s a sort of murder mystery, not bad but it was confusing to keep all the British last names apart and the ending was anticlimactic to me. 

5. Steinfrucht by Lee Lai

A graphic novel about two women, their fraught connection to each other, their families, and in particular the niece of one of them. The characters turn into sort of monsters when they feel happy and free. 

6. Waste Tide by Chen Qiufan

Originally in Chinese, it’s about a polluted community in the semi-near future and the strife between different actors, including the “waste people” i.e. migrant recycling workers, and the natives. One of the migrants, Mimi, becomes central to the struggle. This book has been a lot slower than I expected.

7. Les Ananas de Colère by Cathon

An adorable funny graphic novel about solving a murder mystery in a Hawaiian-themed town. 

8. Die Letzten Ihrer Art (Przewalski's horse) by Maja Lunde

So good! I cried at the end!

9. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

About some young people who make a very popular video game, following their lives over a few decades. I thought this would be more of a sci-fi adventure but it was very much about interpersonal relationships and personal development. I was engrossed nonetheless. I like Gabrielle Zevin.

10. Wedding Night by Sophie Kinsella 

Sophie Kinsella’s books are all so much fun. I liked this one too. It’s not even all that simplistic! 

11. Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella

Audrey is a teenager who is recovering from severe depression and anxiety at home while interaction with her family and a new guest. It was more serious than her usual books and still really good! She did a great job writing in a (slightly) different genre. 

12. Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki by Haruki Murakami

A man goes to find out why his group of friends cut him off after high school. Book was fine, my expectations were low, I read it because Sam was listening to it. 

13. Die Wand by Marlen Haushofer

A girl I matched with on Hinge was like “oh I really like Die Mauer” and I went wait I think I have that but the book I had was Die Wand. I told her that and she was like “oh that one was really good!” I didn’t hear from her again but I did read Die Wand, which was more readable than expected and on the shelf of books I didn’t think I’d ever get around to, so that’s cool. It’s also shifted me to more mindful of like, “what is there to be done?” rather than trying to escape reality all the time. 

14. A Love Story for Bewildered Girls by Emma Morgan

Three women: two roommates, one outgoing and determined and one depressed/anxious/shy, and one lesbian therapist, whose (love) lives all vaguely intersect. I liked it more than expected. 

15. Just Might Work by Katia Rose

Two people are roommates: Dane (nb) and Evangeline, they have to fake date to convince Dane’s aunt to let them keep their house and obviously fall for each other. Really nice book.

16. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer

Nonfiction about deaths on Everest in 1996. It was intense. My mom knew one of the guides, so that was interesting aspect too. 

17. Dyscalculia: A Love Story of Epic Micalculation by Camonghne Felix

Too much of a slam poem to be my thing. 

18. True Biz by Sara Nović

Yes!! A novel about deaf culture centering around a school for the deaf, the three main characters are the headmistress of the school, a boy who’s family takes pride in being deaf for several generations, and a girl with a faulty cochlear implant who is just learning ASL and deaf culture after finally starting at the deaf school. I learned a lot and thoroughly enjoyed it. 

19. The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan

Bengali high-school lesbian Rukhsana gets caught by her conservative parents and they take her to Bangladesh. Rukhsana navigates the expectations of everyone in her life and learns to embrace all that makes her who she is. I think it was a bit tell-not-show and idealistic at the end but a good book.  

20. Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey

About a young woman who’s getting a divorce and how she deals with it. Nice to read in the sense of “well, I am doing a bit better than that!” :P

21. Party Crasher by Sophie Kinsella 

A woman loves her family and their house but then the family crumbles and the house is being sold and she has to secretly crash the house cooling party to retrieve something because she’s not dealing with it well. 

21.  Astrologie by Liv Stromquist

I don’t like astrology. My aunt gave me this. I read it anyway. 

22. Der Hausmann by Wlada Kolosowa

I couldn’t relate to any of the characters but I did like the book overall. 

23. Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett

Not as funny as hoped, but interesting: a woman is a taxidermist, her dad killed himself, she used to be lovers with her brother’s wife before the latter ran away, and now she’s trying to cope as her mother turns to displaying the taxidermy in sexual scenes. 

24. Faster by Neal Bascomb 

Nonfiction - about car racing before WW2, and an American woman who funded a team where a Jewish driver beat the Nazi cars. 

25. Yellowface by R.F. Kuang

Ambiguity of authorship, race, and the publishing system. I did finish reading the last few chapters in one go because it spooked me. 

26. We Should all be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie 

Written version of a TED Talk. Good. 

27. The Guide by Peter Heller

This is a love language to fishing and not a thriller. Seriously. Worst book I’ve read (listened to) in a long time. 

28. Vera Wong’s Unsolicited Advice for Murderers by Jesse Q. Sutanto

Loved it, has a similar feeling as Anxious People. 

29. Laurus by Eugene Vodolazkin

One of my Russian guy’s favorite books so I read it too - he said “for me it perfectly captures the essence of Russian culture/history/life with all of its paradoxes. Like combination or severe cruelty and great mercy, like the struggle of logical mind and spiritual experience.” I didn’t really get the book while I was reading it (though it was interesting enough) but that makes sense

30. Weretog and the Whole Heartless Thing by Prophecion (Michael Krum)

My 2023 new year’s resolution was to read this book and I did 

[steadfastmockingbird]

Every book is a collaboration

The thing I wish I'd been taught in school is that virtually every piece of written work, and definitely every book, is a collaborative work on some level.

For the first... I dunno, three? four? years that I was writing in my teens and early 20s I assumed that drafting by myself would be good enough and that beta reading and outside eyeballs are a nice bonus, not a necessity. I had a vague idea that an editor would be involved at some point, especially if I went the traditional publishing route, but beyond that? I mean... it would get read when it got published, right?

Turns out, more important than act structure and outlines and character profiles and worldbuilding is community. Having a huddle of other writers who can read your work and say 'okay, but the inner narrative here doesn't make sense' or 'this would be a great scene, but these two characters are acting like strangers when they met two chapters ago'. Even stuff as simple as asking 'is it day or night when this happens?' makes a massive difference. I know in my head that this funeral takes place in a snowy plaza at noon but if I forget to SAY that, does anyone else know it?

I don't think anyone can produce a full book solo. There's too much ground to cover, too much detail to keep track of, and as the author I know for sure that I'm too close to the material to see all of the flaws. Some I can pick up on and correct by myself, but some? Those need a second, third, fourth pair of eyes, and specifically other writers. Someone who doesn't write might notice that there's a problem, but they won't necessarily have as much idea of how to fix it, especially if the problem is structural.

It's easy to get all 'YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ART' about it, but the fact is other people will find mistakes that, if you find a fix for them, will make your work better. Fixing plot holes and inconsistencies takes creativity - where your reader says 'maybe just set the building on fire so they HAVE to leave in a hurry?' suddenly you're devising a dozen ways it can be done that make sense to the plot, or finding a less destructive but still urgent means to get your characters out of there (Avalanche? Enemy raiding party? Aliens?) - all things you'd never have thought to try otherwise.

Partly writing this because I need to remind myself that while my drafting may be fast enough, other people reading the thing is a slow, meticulous process that takes time and a significant investment of energy. Editing is slow. Polishing something is slow. I mean, I could write longer chapters so that the weekly chapter exchange gets us through more of the book, but that would feel weird.

[bugtransport]

August Kitko and the Mechas from Space finished Jan 6, 2023

The Circumstances I Read This Under:

talk about a book that ended up being something totally different than what i thought it would be. the cover advertises this as a space opera no less than three times which like yeah okay there sure i guess but there really isn't a lot of space in here until about the halfway-to-two-thirds mark. there is a whole lot of music in here. i think there might have been some sort of miscommunication between whoever marketed this book and whoever told them the meaning of the term. in their defense the cover is hot pink with neon yellow lettering so maybe i'm just a fucking idiot expecting something a little less action-packed. that's not a complaint! i'm not mad about how it turned out. i did no research about this book previously i just went to the bookstore, saw "giant robot", and was like "oh yeah i love robots and still have some money on this gift card, i'll get it." gonna be honest: probably would not have picked this one up if i had done any research on it but that's why i think it's fun to go in blind sometimes, i enjoyed it more than i think any blurb would lead me to think i would.

i've usually got two books going at the same time, one to read before bed sometimes (usually lighter) and the other to read on my work breaks (usually more of an intensive read) and this one i picked to be my work read, which meant i read it in 15 minute chunks over the course of a couple weeks. so if i forget anything that's why.

About the Book Itself:

i guess we start at the beginning and talk about the characters? holy fuck this book felt so kamen rider. i'm gonna use the terms main and secondary to refer to how August and Ardent work in this story because that's just what they are. sorry.

August Kitko is our main rider conduit and is literally just Takeshi Hongo if hongo was into jazz instead of... science and bikes, i guess, and was maybe like a little more passively suicidal. that's the character. he pairs with this cool robot and can fight to fucking save humanity or whatever and he spends his time being like "oh look at me i'm not human anymore i've got alien tech inside me... my lifespan is reduced i will put myself on the line to save humanity that's all i'm good for nobody will ever want my ruined body and now look at me my partner is borged too and it's all my fault all i have is my music" you took a perfectly good, somewhat sad, total nerd of a man and you gave him borg angst and a guilt complex. and then he gets his dick sucked. i love it zero notes perfect character, chef kiss.

Ardent Violet is our secondary conduit and a character i would not have wanted to see if the author of this book was cis. i had to put the thing down and go and check the bio in the back of the book - the author is indeed nonbinary, so i'm fine with it. lemme explain: ardent is this asskicking rockstar with a little bit of an insecurity complex (at least from how it came across to me) who changes their hair on the daily and is obsessed with their look and is like, larger than life genderfuck "darling some people change their names because they find it empowering" personified. personally i don't like reading characters like that from cis authors* because i feel like it comes across as a little disingenuous and pandering and also kind of reinforcing nonbinary stereotypes that i myself don't subscribe to... if they don't treat cis characters the same way i don't feel comfortable with them treating trans characters as Having One Character Trait And It's Their Gender, and if i'm gonna be real there's like something in this arena that i've been putting off thinking critically about for like years because man, i don't have the mental energy to deal with my own shit sometimes, but i'm not talking about it and we won't mention it so please be quiet, i just want to rest. if the author is nonbinary though as they are i can totally just read it as a futuristic gender envy moment. project all you want baby, live your best life; i also have a self insert musician oc and he is a quilt of issues. anyway once i got over that ardent is just kind of a funny ditsy little goober and i liked them well enough, they were a good balance to gus's doom and gloom.

these two are dating and oh my god this was the easiest romance i have read in a hot minute. it was really kind of refreshing. i mean yeah sure there are misunderstandings and whatever and they've really only known each other a week but typically if i go for a romance i want to be dragged over coals, i want to hurt, this was fluffy and sweet and they had some serious moments but. OKAY FUCK IT I'VE SAID ENOUGH I'M JUMPING IN THIS IS JUST HONGO AND HAYATO:

gus gets borged becomes a mech conduit way earlier than ardent does and the turns in their relationship from "superstar ardent and underground jazz musician gus" to "world savior gus and the person he's dragging into government protection with him ardent" to "world savior mech pilots gus and ardent" were interesting and fun and it was nice in the end when they realized oh shit - we can understand each other on a totally separate level now. and then gus has his borg angst when he learns that being a conduit will shorten their lifespans (as if they aren't also putting their lives on the line fighting??) and then they were like wait but if we're both borged conduits we'll die around the same time so everything's good again... and then as i mentioned previously gus gets blown. great book to read as some kinda kr 1971 au. i love fanfic!

the way the mechs are described is suitably hot. they sound big and evil and it makes the Wow Cool Robot part of my brain go hubba hubba. they're full of goo. they've got a good human/monster/robot balance to where you'd be scared if you saw one irl but also like... hmm....... we could make this work. fuck it send paragraph.

the fight scenes were on the whole very punchy and fast and again i typically stay away from books with a lot of action, not really because i dislike it but just because i'd rather spend my time reading something else, but i think it was done well for what it was. i don't really have a lot to compare it to here. the way that the author described the technical names of things working made it easy to understand from context what everything was doing and while you do have a little bit of the scifi syndrome "wait what the hell does that mean" everything makes enough sense that i didn't ever feel like i was having information dumped on me, really.

what else do i have to say about this book... that's about all i can think of. a lot more happens but it's nothing i care to talk about. plot and bad guys were pretty unremarkable. i enjoyed the way that the mechs communicate with the conduits. gus as a character really carried this one for me, i liked him a lot. that said:

Did I have a good time?

yeah, i'd say i did! it was a nice surprise of a book and a really smooth and easy read. definitely one of the more easy to digest scifis i've read recently.

Who else would like this?

are you a robotfucker? sorry. are you? go for it. did my description of ardent strike a chord with your gender instead of being generally offputting like it was to me originally? go for it! have you seen kamen rider 1971 and just want to read an au where they pilot mechs? this works fine for that. it was nothing mindblowing for me but it was a fun easy read and a good start to the year and you know what sure, maybe if i see it in the shop in the coming years, i'll pick up the sequel that i think is coming.

*had no idea where else to fit this in but if you want an example of a cis author who wrote nonbinary characters in a way that i really liked please look no further than Ancillary Justice (and the rest of the Radch trilogy) by Ann Leckie. some of my fave books i'd have to say. i really like how breq is written to not really relate to or understand gender both on a cultural (there's no gender distinction in the society she lives in) but also personal (she's an ai) level, but also has the text acknowledge that to other societies in the universe, gender is a vast and important thing, but it's not a problem that it isn't to her. it's such a nonissue and she really only just makes a couple offhand remarks like "yeah i don't give a shit what pronouns people use for me." nobody takes issue with ardent's gender (and there are multiple other nonbinary people in the book that are just kinda There) but it's still incredibly... present in a way that i just do not relate to. i get that for other people this can feel good and like accurate representation for how they perceive themselves but brother i am just some guy... don't make people think too hard about me. literally i am just like, some dude two stations ahead at the self checkout buying cereal, that's about as much thought as you should give it. that is also why i don't like drag. okay tangent CLOSE!

[saltwater-and-woodsmoke]

Twenty Six Letters || JJ Maybank

Warnings and authors note: This is sad, like so sad, my friends say it rips their hearts out. I’m sorry. Title credit to black butterflies and deja vu by the maine (the lyric is “there’s only twenty six letters I can use just to tell you I won’t let go”)

This specific story is an alternate ending to another fic I wrote, but I haven’t got that one transferred here yet, I am in the process of moving all of my works to this blog from my main.

Word Count: 2,350

July 17

Y/N,

The doctors came out and told me they tried everything, but they couldn’t save you. They’re transferring Charlie to the mainland where they have a NICU, they’re life lining her. The amount of police that had to hold me back from hurting that doctor, I’m embarrassed. This was supposed to be our dream, our family. I needed to write my thoughts down, I know you can’t read this, it’s ridiculous. I can’t lose both of you. I love you so much.

JJ

July 19

Y/N,

Charlie weighs a whopping 1 pound, 2 ounces. She’s the tiniest thing I have ever laid eyes on. I’m staying on the mainland until she gets to come home, thanks to the community, really. Sarah started a fundraiser for Charlie’s medical care, your funeral, and the community really showed their support. No word on who did this to you, but I will find out. Charlotte Rose Maybank is a fighter, just like her mother. I love you.

JJ

July 21

Y/N, 

Today we laid you to rest. Even though your parents didn’t like me that well, they both put that aside today. John B and Pope had to practically hold me up at the cemetery. We were supposed to grow old and gray together, but today I had to put you six feet under at twenty three. It hit me that I am a widower at twenty-five. I am a single father of a four day old “micro preemie”. I’m at the hospital now. I’m not supposed to be in the NICU this late, but the night nurse knows what happened and can understand my need to be close to the last thing I have of you. I love you more than you will ever know,

JJ

PS: I did as you wished and made JB and Sarah her godparents. They’re coming tomorrow to see her for the first time.

July 25

Y/N,

I spent the night in jail last night. You see, they finally figured out who the pick up belonged to. I hadn’t seen him since we got married two years ago, but I was so pissed off when I went into the jail to talk to Shoupe. I asked him for five minutes with him, which was granted. I was yelling, and I’m not embarrassed about that actually. I told him I was going to make sure he went away for a very long time. That he killed the love of my life, that because of him his fucking granddaughter is fighting for her life right now all because he felt like it was okay to drive drunk. That motherfucker showed no remorse whatsoever. He fucking smirked at me Y/N, so I punched him. Square in the jaw. Of course, I was promptly booked for it, but I was told this morning that they weren’t going to actually press charges because in Shoupe’s eyes he deserved it. They put it on the books as a purely cooling down period. I came back to the hospital, and Charlie is stable. They said if she keeps improving like she is, I might get to hold her for the first time soon. I’m trying to be strong for her, for you, but I miss you so much. You should still be here, she should still be safe and growing inside you. But it wasn’t meant to be. I love you more than the moon and stars,

JJ

August 9

Y/N,

So I haven’t written in a while and that’s because we have a pretty rocking kid, you know? I got to hold her for the first time last week. It was an emotional affair, I was sobbing the moment they placed her on my chest. She’s still so tiny, but she’s gaining weight and is starting to look more like an actual human instead of an alien. I made sure the nurse took a picture when I held her because I want to remember how small she was the first time I held her, even with all the wires and tubes.  I may be writing less frequently but I’m gonna keep writing. It makes me feel better. Like, I’m still close to you with this notebook. I love you, I love you, I love you. 

JJ

September 17

Y/N,

Happy two months Lottie Rose. I know we were going to call her Charlie, but the new night nurse started calling her Lottie, and I’ve kind of fallen in love with it. It just fits her. She’s almost three pounds now! I’m so proud of her. It’s wild to me that she would be due in almost six weeks. The doctor expects her to be home by her due date, and I promptly will be taking her to your grave. She’s always going to know how much you loved her, Y/N. I made sure your mom put “Mother of Charlotte” on your headstone. When she’s older I’m gonna take her to our favorite spots. I want her to know who you were, because I know that the person you were, is why she’s here. I love you more than I can count.

JJ

October 31st

Y/N,

Happy Due Date Lottie Rose Maybank! We’re going home today, Y/N. Lottie weighs a whopping 6 pounds now. I’m so proud of her. She is tiny, but she’s gonna catch up fast. She passed her car seat test with flying colors. She can eat from a bottle, but the nurse noticed that she wasn’t as responsive to sound as most of the other babies when they’re ready to go home. She suggested she might just be desensitized to the noise of the hospital, but they wanted to recheck her hearing before we leave, so I am writing this while I wait for them to finish that. I just signed all of her release paperwork. Last night, I was contacted by the local news to do an interview about how Lottie is, and how everything has affected me. I think I should do it, John B and Sarah said they would watch Lottie while I go to the station. 

Okay so they brought Lottie back, she didn’t pass her hearing test so we have to set up an appointment for a hearing specialist. Honestly,  if she needs hearing aids it isn’t the biggest deal in the world. I’m not going to love her any less. She’s our kid, she can handle anything that's thrown in her way. I love you bunches,

JJ

December 24

Y/N,

This single dad thing is hard. Tomorrow is Lottie’s first Christmas, and we are going to church with your parents. I know you always liked to go on Christmas and Easter at least, so I thought that could be one tradition I kept with Lottie. I’m also keeping the tradition of buying a personalized ornament every year for the Christmas tree. It’s wild to think that at this time last year, we had just agreed to try for a baby, and this year everything is different. You’re not here, we have a five month old daughter who is the size of a three month old.  I’ve got to tell you, losing your wife brings things into perspective. I want Lottie to have a set of grandparents that love her unconditionally. I’ve spent a lot of time with your mom and sister the last month or so, and I know your mom will love her no matter what. No matter how we get along, Lottie comes first. She’s our priority. Merry Christmas, Baby, I love you. 

JJ

July 17

Y/N,

One year. You have been gone one long year. This time one year ago, I was working on Pope’s dad’s truck. It seemed like every single siren in the town went out, and I remember thinking “That must be a bad accident.” If only I knew then. If only I knew that in an hour, you would be gone, that I’d be standing in the waiting room of the hospital while they worked on you until they couldn’t anymore. I remember the anger, Shoupe and another officer holding me back before I just buckled in my own grief. I remember your mom and dad coming, having rushed over from the mainland. Your mom knew, as soon she walked in the waiting room where I was a mess on the floor, JB on one side of me, Pope on the other, she knew.  We sobbed together, we became numb together. I vaguely remember telling her they were lifelining Lottie to Raleigh. I remember her looking at me and telling me, “John James, you listen to me. You get to Raleigh, your daughter needs you. Do you hear me? She needs you.” It was the only time in my life I didn’t mind hearing my full name. I didn’t get to see her until she was already two days old. Today we have a happy, healthy, one year old. She’s catching up with kids her age, which kind of shocks the doctors. She’s growing on track, she’s hitting milestones. She just started crawling, but she can already get wherever her little heart desires. I’ve made a conscious effort to not be sad in front of her today. We are having a big party for her, she’s going to love it. I miss you, sweetheart. I love you

JJ

August 10

Y/N

Time flies, you know? It seems like yesterday I was bringing Lottie home from the hospital. Where has five years gone? Today, I dropped her off for her first day of kindergarten. We had a long conversation about how if anyone was mean about her hearing aids, to tell her teacher and how it wasn’t a bad thing to ask for help. I want her to have a better school experience than I had, I want her to like school. That didn’t stop me from sobbing like a baby the whole way to work. Of course, my boss knew I’d been crying and just patted my shoulder and told me “if you think this is the only first day that you’ll cry, I have news for you.” I told him Lottie is an only child, I’m probably going to cry at every first day of school. It’s strange to think that if you were still here we’d probably have another little Maybank running around. It’s okay though, your sister had twins two years ago and JB and Sarah are having their first soon, so she’s got cousins to play with. I love you sweetheart.

JJ

July 17

Y/N.

Uh, we have a teenager? Like a full ass practically fully grown human in our house. Thirteen years and it still feels like yesterday. We got the news yesterday that Luke Maybank died in jail over the weekend. Y/N, I have to tell you, our daughter cracks me up. I told her that her grandfather passed away, and she told me she hopes you take a trip down to hell and kick the shit out of him. I told her that I beat the shit out of him thirteen years ago when she was barely a week old. She found the news articles about the accident, and asked me to talk to her about it. I did, but it was hard. I’ve never shut up about you so she knew who you were. She also asked me why I never remarried. It’s simple, really. Half my heart was buried with you 13 years ago, and the other half divided to recover and love our daughter just as fiercely as we loved each other. I love you honey. 

JJ

May 31

Y/N,

Okay, we’re old. It’s fine. Charlotte Rose Maybank, you know our pretty rockin’ kid? Yeah, she graduated high school today, as valedictorian. She’ll be 18 in July, Y/N, and then in August she’s going to the mainland for college. She wants to be a doctor. Watching her walk across that stage, in her cap and gown, I was sobbing. I was an absolute mess. JB had to take pictures for me because I couldn’t stop shaking. You’d be so proud of her. I know I sure am. I love you more than I can breathe,

JJ

October 25

Y/N,

Our baby girl got married today. Of course, I could go my entire life without knowing that JB and I are going share grandkids someday, but really Alexander is a great kid, and he loves Lottie. I know that someday, she’s going to find all these notebooks and read them and I hope she laughs that I shared every milestone with you like you could read these. She’s got one more semester of school left, then she will officially be Charlotte Rose Maybank-Routledge, MD. I personally think the hyphenating of her last name is really complicated, but that’s what she wants. She looks absolutely stunning in her dress, I hope you can see her. I love you, gorgeous,

JJ

November 13

Y/N, 

We became grandparents today. It’s wild to think that 27 years ago, I was holding our daughter in the same hospital where Carter Jonathan Maybank-Routledge arrived early this morning. The Maybank genes are still strong in this one, Carter looks so much like Lottie it’s not funny. I told JB maybe the next one will look like his side, ha. Okay sweetheart, I love you. JJ

March 6

Mom,

I had absolutely no idea that Dad wrote you a letter every week, sometimes every day, for 36 years. He fought the cancer for a very long time, Mom, because he simply didn’t want to leave me and the boys.  I found the notebooks, I’ve spent the last week reading them. He loved you so much, he loved me so much. He wrote to you up until the last day. That’s beautiful. I know you are back together now. You’ve got 36 years to catch up on. Tell him we’ll be fine. 

I love you both,

Lottie.

[diamondwaters]

❝ love is a choice ❞ chapter v

summary: what was meant to be a simple, calm trip to an intergalactic museum ended up becoming a a trip through memories the doctor rather wanted to forget. only they weren't her memories. they were yours.

pairing: thirteenth doctor x reader (primary), eleventh doctor x reader

word count: 5.2k

warnings: slight mention of headaches, anger, murder mentioned

author's note: when i tell you this is the chapter i've been DYING to write!!

divider from annaliseart on pixabay

You’d been traveling with the Doctor for a bit of time. While most of your adventures were completed sans slipper-throwing, it didn’t mean that time had made your relationship with the Doctor any better. Snide comments were tossed back and forth like a tennis match, with Amy being the one to catch the ball midair before one of you caused bleeding, internal or external. Rory, who also had joined the fray, hadn’t the courage to get between you and anything, let alone an alien. Even a fish-fingers-and-custard-eating one.

Nearly all the journeys he took the three of you on consisted of two things: running and near-death experiences. The very first one included vampire aliens! Then there was the time you ended up in a dream where you worked as a school teacher and Amy was married and pregnant. You nearly froze to death during that one. Sort of. That was a dream too. So, these harrowing exploits made the calm ones all the more welcome.

The Doctor had taken you to the Amalthea Bookseller, a book store whose walls contained several million books from almost every planet, in every language, and from any point in time. There had to have been about fifty seating areas in the front room alone; you could only imagine how many there were in the other corridors. Apparently, there was a planet with an even larger selection, but the Doctor chose against that one for “reasons.”

The moment you were set loose there, you couldn’t stop smiling. You quickly hunted for your favorite genres, finding a massive selection more extensive than the Waterstones in Piccadilly!

You were only allowed so many books- “The TARDIS is not a bank, you know!” is what the Doctor had proclaimed- so you had to choose wisely. It was hard enough as it was with the entire genre selection, but when your eye spotted the last name of your favorite author, you thought you might burst into confetti on the spot.

You gathered as many of their books as could fit into the complimentary reusable basket the staff gave you upon entry and hurried over to one of the seating areas. If you were going to whittle down which books you could get, you would need time and space. Ironically.

“Well, look at you,” Amy grinned, taking the chair beside you. “In your element, aren’t you?”

“Oh, Amy, this place is amazing!” You half-squealed. “Did you know that my favorite author kept writing well into their seventies? I mean, they’ve got at least twenty novels here! I barely even know where to continue! I already knocked out five, but how can I choose?”

“Well, I’m glad you’re having such a good time,” Amy replied. Her voice had a slant to it that you knew all too well. It meant there was more she had to say and that you weren’t going to like it. Before you could make your escape, Amy said, “You know. The Doctor loves reading too.” 

“Okay, Amy-” 

Also during your adventures, Amy had become quite bothered with the constant bickering between you and the Doctor. As mentioned before, whenever these spats broke out, more often than not, she was the one who had to grab you both by the back of your necks like a mother cat picking up her kittens by their scruffs. 

In her quest to reduce the frequency of these verbal- for now- quarrels, she attempted to find a common ground between you two. Neither of you were very enthusiastic about this. Anytime she thought she might’ve found something, one of you inevitably detested it. There was the time you mentioned how much you adored a song by this one 70’s singer. The Doctor had apparently seen her in concert, a fact Amy was ready to milk until dry. The Doctor, however, felt compelled to inform you that he’d rather fight a hundred Daleks- whatever those were- than listen to her ever again. Apparently, they had a bit of a dispute during the 1975 Grammy Awards and she’d threatened to have a hitman come after him. 

“I just listened to that man rant about how he inspired The Haunting of Hill House for the past thirty minutes! And-And he told me all about his good friend, Jane Austen! He likes literature, you like literature! Talk about it together."

“So, what I’m hearing is that I can no longer read. Well, that’s just wonderful news.” 

“You know I love you, really, I do,” Amy said softly. “And I wouldn’t want you to change a single thing about you because you are perfect in every single way imaginable. But please. I am begging you. Just please try to get along with the Doctor.” 

“Me?” You gaped. “Why do I have to be the one that gets along with him? In case you forgot, he’s usually the one that starts it! Remember how he implied I was one of those fish people? That was a low blow.”

“Okay, that’s a fair point. But! Think about how much better our adventures will be! You can just have fun! You won’t have to worry about stress. You know, when we don’t find ourselves in… already stressful situations, anyway! Just, think of it like… a wedding gift! For me!” 

“Oh,” You rolled your eyes. “Was planning it not enough?” 

You knew how much this was upsetting her. There had already been some issues between the Doctor and Rory which had mostly been rectified. It was just you now. Both yourself and the Doctor were two people who Amy cared about. Not only did your inability to get along frustrate her, but it also saddened her. Here you all were: her, her boys, and her best friend on these amazing trips across the stars! And half of the people apart of that group were at each other’s throats on a constant basis. 

That disappointment reflected in her eyes. You were never good when facing that look, and that didn’t change in the span of however long this conversation had lasted. "Please." 

“Fine,” You grumbled. “But the moment he says something out of line, I refuse to be held accountable for my actions, got it?” 

Amy nodded, probably not even caring that you were insinuating physical fighting this time around. She took hold of your wrist and pulled you from the comfort of your chair. Through the twisted hallways of shelves upon shelves of books of all varieties, Amy weaved through them until you landed in the poetry section. You didn’t take the Doctor for a poet, yet there he stood. 

“Doctor!” 

“Ah- Oh.” The Doctor gleamed before he spotted you. 

You looked at Amy with bored eyes, “I’m leaving.” 

“Nope, no,” She tugged you to her side. You were reminded of a mother forcing a child to speak to their relatives over the phone. Except you hadn’t the luxury of it being a conversation that wasn’t face-to-face. “Doctor, did you know how big a fan Y/N here is of reading too? They quite enjoy a good novel, don’t you?” 

Amy jabbed your side with her elbow when you didn't say anything. The force of the motion alone startled a series of words out of your throat, “Yes! Y-Yes, I do. All types! I like to annotate too. Something I picked up in a literature class I took a while ago. My professor says it makes it more engaging.”

He scoffed, “Engaging.”

Whenever the Doctor made these remarks, like he couldn’t possibly fathom the notion that what you said was true, you were more inclined to absolutely throttle him. You could grant him that he was far older than you; thus, he knew about more things than you ever could. What you couldn’t was the belief that just because he was more knowledgeable did not mean that he was always correct.

The Doctor didn’t know everything. He’d made that clear when you were trapped in that dream and were hurtling towards a sun that was burning cold. It was so easy for him to admit that while under stress, but with you, it was like he was some omnipotent deity worthy and demanding of praise. That last bit was how he was with everyone, really, but he just ramped it up to 1,000 whenever you were involved.

This would get under anyone’s skin, and it wasn’t just you! Sometimes you and Rory would have rant sessions beneath the TARDIS’s console when Amy and the Doctor weren’t nearby. You swore that the electric chirping you would occasionally hear was the TARDIS adding to your conversation. You didn’t quite know if she agreed or not, but she seemed invested in what you had to say. Also, you had found out the TARDIS was sentient, which was… something. Cool, but definitely something.

“Is there something wrong with the way I read?”

You placed your hands on your hips, finally turning your body to face the man. You raised your brow and took on a face that you hoped emulated the one you bore the night you joined him. You were quite proud of yourself for making an alien give into your commands, hence why you tried to recreate the winning stare whenever you wanted to intimidate him again.

“Of course not,” The Doctor waved his hand, unaffected by your glare. “It’s just odd.”

“Odd? You’re a bow-tie-wearing alien who carries around a screwdriver that isn’t actually a screwdriver and flies around in a magic box. But, yes, I’m the one that’s odd.”

“I’m starting to feel like you three are always using the bow tie against me. And no, of course you’re not odd,” The Doctor patted your shoulder before resting it there. You stared at it with a blank face until he eventually got the hint and slid it off. “It’s just your reading habits!”

The Doctor says these things so casually that you often feel like you get whiplash. Sometimes it would take you a few seconds to acclimate to the fact that you were just insulted. When you realized, you’d blink away your initial confusion and move on, like now.

“And what’s so odd about them, huh?”

“Well, you could get through books twice as fast if you just read it.”

“Well, where’s the point of attempting to just get through a book? You’re supposed to read it! Really read it!”

“Well, you can still really read it without having to mark all the pages up! It takes up a lot of time just to open a pen cap, and by then you could’ve read ten words!”

“Well-!”

“Okay!” Amy shouted over another formation of a fight. “I have an idea.”

If there was one thing in the universe that you and the Doctor could agree on, Amy with an idea, especially one that concerned the two of you, was a terrifying thing. The mischievous glint in her eyes screamed at you to run like you would when faced with horrifying creatures during your endeavors. However, both of you were stuck in your spot, pinned beneath her plotting gaze.

“Y/N, pick a book for your basket, any of them.”

One of the few you hadn't put away that stuck out to you the most was a murder mystery in a small town. It wasn’t too big, but it was just long enough that you knew you could spend a contented day reading it. “This one.”

Amy took it from your hands before shoving it into the Doctor’s. “Perfect! Now go pay for this.”

"Me?"

“Yes, you!” Amy stated. “You both need to make this friendship work! And the best way to do that is for both of you to contribute to something. Y/N picks the book and you pay for it.”

“That doesn’t seem like a fair exchange at all!” No, but it was definitely Amy’s way of making this an even exchange between you two. You appreciated that.

Amy sent him a look that shut him right up. “Here’s how this is going to go.”

Amy told you what you’d be doing—not asking, telling. You and the Doctor would read the same book, and you’d both write in it. Your thoughts, your theories, your general reactions. You would write in a red pen, and he would write in a blue so that when you were both done, you’d be able to distinguish who wrote what easily. Then, you’d talk about what you read after.

"Like a book club?"

"Exactly."

At first, you were averse to the idea solely because it involved bonding with the Doctor. However, the more you thought about it, the more you realized it was actually quite brilliant. You and the Doctor would interact without ever having to talk to one another. You both could avoid throwing yourselves into another inevitable battle that would only end when Amy reached her wit’s end. You might even get a bit of insight about him.

One thing you noticed about the Doctor the longer you traveled with him was how he guarded himself. You knew what that was like, but the walls around him were different than any you had ever seen. They were secure, fortified, yet they were ancient. Even if you weren’t aware of his ripe age of 907, you knew you'd realize their lifespan was longer than that of the stars themselves. But just like stars, they all eventually burn out.

Amy had already tried asking him about the things that he was hiding away following the Dream Lord events. He’d deflected then, and you liked to think that he would deflect again. You couldn’t do it outright, which is why this book swap was perfect. There was nothing more honest than what someone takes away from literature. The quotes they underline or the paragraphs they highlight say more about a person than one thinks. And, no, the book you chose wasn’t some deep, philosophical epic that would grant you entrance into the inner machinations of the Doctor’s mind, but it was a start.

Also, it was a free book.

Even though the Doctor was an annoying asshole, you couldn’t deny your curiosity. He was an alien from a faraway planet who offered three- technically two since you forced your way onto the TARDIS- humans the chance to explore worlds never before seen by your species. You were taught not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but you had to wonder why.

“Okay,” You agreed. “I’ll do it.”

“So, will I, but! Under one condition! I call reading it first! I’ll get it done quickly, I can assure you,” The Doctor exclaimed. “You humans are exceptionally slow when it comes to reading. Even without the unnecessary writing.”

At that, the Doctor turned and sauntered towards the bookseller. Because his back was turned, he hadn’t seen you with your hands reaching towards him, ready to attack, and Amy with her arms around your middle to keep you from doing that.

True to his word, though, the Doctor had given you the book in only a day’s time. He told you that he would’ve had it sooner had it not been for all the unfortunate writing he had to do. He also complained about the aching of his poor wrists and that if his piloting skills dwindled, it was entirely your fault. You thought about throwing the book at him for that one, and you knew what impressive aim you had. He was lucky you were in a generous mood.

You wandered the halls, hoping to find a nice spot where no one would bother you. As you turned a corner, a light above a door flickered invitingly. The door opened to reveal a small, but not suffocating, room with a warm feel to it. Some plants released a calm, earthy scent while sitting on many of the table surfaces about the room. The walls were made of dark cherry wood and were covered with paintings and photographs of different, beautiful landscapes that were most likely distant planets. A lit fireplace was set on the back wall, and just in front of that was a cream-colored antique couch with a soft-looking blanket thrown across the back.

You gingerly touched the side of the door, smiling softly. You whispered, “Thank you. It’s perfect.”

You placed the throw blanket around your shoulders and got cozy on the couch in front of the fire. You flipped to the title page with your red pen in hand and began reading.

Not even a page in, and your eye was already twitching.

Blue ink took up most of the margins. When you flipped through the rest of the book, many of the other pages got the same treatment. You fought off the temptation to get up and berate the Doctor for leaving you little to no space to write your own opinions. You told yourself that you could make this work. If not for Amy’s sake but for curiosity’s, you could find a way to remedy this.

When you made it about two chapters in, the Doctor had already claimed he knew exactly who the killer was. The moment the main character’s love interest’s dad was introduced, he wrote, “It’s definitely this bloke, I’m positive of that.” You, who hadn’t any clue who the killer was, were very frustrated by his insistence that it was him. You really hoped it wasn’t him so that you could laugh about it later.

At first, you wanted to block out what the Doctor wrote so you could focus on what you wanted to write, but that went against the entire point of this activity. He actually had some funny commentary regarding the heroine and the odd choices she made. There were a few notes about how “curious it was that humans made some of the most stupid decisions in the face of danger.” To that, you wrote a clever remark about his own choices during dangerous situations beneath his comment.

You eventually did manage to make do. With what little room you had, you could jot down your thoughts. You underlined your favorite bits and noted all the hidden details regarding the culprit. The Doctor had beaten you to that, but you still felt smart for finding them too.

You were taken by surprise by the mysterious lack of ink on one page. There had been one marking: a quote from a side character. It had been during a confrontation with the main character who, at this point, everyone in town had discovered was somehow connected to the recent string of murders. While talking to a victim's sibling, she attempted to make the case that it wasn't her fault; she simply wanted to find out what happened to her aunt who died several years prior. The victim's sister said:

"My brother is dead because you wouldn't stop looking into your aunt's death. That's on you. Because, Elena, a t what point do these things stop becoming things that happen to you and things that you do to yourself?"

You read the quote a few times over. You hadn't really known what to expect in letting your eyes roam about it. The meaning wouldn't change just because you looked at it a few more times.

Is this how the Doctor felt? Did he feel as though all the misfortunes he endured were by his own hand? When you thought about it, it didn’t seem totally unimaginable. The adventures you all went on were laden with risk, and there were times where things appeared so dire that things might not turn out alright in the end like he promised. If things did go wrong, he would blame himself. He wasn’t the type of person to turn and point a finger when he was the one who pushed the TARDIS’s buttons. 

But there was something about the Doctor that you knew to be true: he never stopped until he made things right. You’d only been on a handful of adventures, but the Doctor was nothing if not persistent. He didn’t give up, and it was clear that he hadn’t for 907 years. Giving up now would be a waste. He would never stop trying to make things right in the end. And if he did, that’s when he could say it was something he did to himself. 

With more than enough space this time, beneath the underlined quote, you wrote, “When you stop trying to fix it.” 

You watched as the ink dried on the page so you could turn to the next. 

“... replaceable…”

You whipped your head around with a force that gave you a slight headache and were met with nothing. Your eyes flitted about the room, attempting to find the source of whatever just made that noise. You didn’t know exactly what you heard, but you were sure you had heard something . It didn’t have any direction; it was just there. And then it wasn’t. 

You were able to get back into reading after a while, pushing that bizarre event to the back of your mind as best you could. You figured it was just your brain playing tricks on you since you were reading a murder mystery. The TARDIS was safe, and so were you. 

As you neared the end of the book, the killer was unmasked. As per the Doctor’s prediction, it was, in fact, the boyfriend’s father. The Doctor wanted to let you know he had anticipated this outcome by underlining the reveal three separate times and had written, “I TOLD YOU!” in bold letters. 

The main character was close to finding out the killer’s motive, something that had been plaguing you for the last couple chapters. And, just as she was about to say what the murderer had told her, you saw it. Or, rather, you didn’t see it. 

The last page of the book was gone. It wasn’t a misprint, you were sure of that. You looked at the book’s seam to find jagged edges where the page would have been. It looked as if it had been cleanly ripped from its binding.  And, with the Doctor, things weren’t “as if,” they just were, which meant that the bastard had torn out the very last page of the book you were supposed to share! 

You were so close! Just as you felt like you were starting to understand him, he had gone and done this. It almost felt like a joke. There you were, thinking you might be able to connect to him on some level, only to remember just who you were dealing with. Perhaps you should've predicted the Doctor's unpredictability, even with a task as simple as writing your thoughts in a book. It might have made you feel less... was betrayed the right word? Or maybe just defining how you felt as angry was the better option. 

“You son of a bitch,” You practically growled. You tossed off the blanket, letting it fall to the floor. “You son of a bitch!” 

Your feet pounded against the metal floors of the TARDIS as you made your way to the console room. There, the Doctor was fixing some wires on the pillar, his eyes covered with his work goggles. He didn’t notice you enter until you hissed, “Where is it?” while brandishing the book. 

“Ah! Finished the story, I see!” The Doctor remarked.  

“No, I didn’t, actually,” You informed with a dangerous tilt of your head towards the book. “Because someone decided to tear out the last page!”

The Doctor’s face shifted to that of comic, not genuine, guilt. He bared his teeth while the corners of his lips turned downward, eyes probably containing some semblance of shame still hidden behind his goggles. 

“Oh, right,” The Doctor nervously chuckled. “See, forgot to mention! I always throw out the last page of any book I read.” 

This man was going to have to pay for your ophthalmologist bill from all the twitching he was causing to your eye. “W-Why?” 

“Because I don’t like endings.” He said plainly, then returned to his work on the TARDIS. 

Once again, you were in a total state of shock. Your mouth bobbed open a few times in disbelief. You couldn’t find the right words to convey what you wanted to say adequately. When you were able, you asked, “Did you not think that I would want to read the ending maybe? Elena was just about to say why Simon's dad killed her aunt all those years ago!” 

“Didn’t you see I knew it was him?” He smirked, very pleased with himself. 

Your fingers curled into fists. You knew you couldn’t do anything, so you firmly planted your feet in their spot. “So not only did you leave me pretty much no space to even write in the book and spoil who the killer was twenty pages in, but you also decided to rip out the very last one? You realize that this completely goes against the purpose of this whole thing, right? How the hell are we even supposed to talk about the book together if part of the book is missing?” 

The Doctor took off his goggles. He finally understood that this was more than one of your simple bickering matches. He might not have got it to the full extent, but he got there eventually. 

“I’m sorry,” He apologized. “Truly. I hadn't realized at the time, didn't consider it.” 

At his emotion-filled apology, you felt some of your own begin to wane. You realized that this reaction was over the top, even for a response to the Doctor’s antics. You let out a soul-shaking grunt before collapsing in the chair stationed by the console. You balanced your elbows on your knees, the book falling to your lap. Your hands pressed against your face before raking over your hair. A frustrated, beaten sigh left your body, taking any excess energy you had with it upon your exhale.  “I’m sorry too." 

You felt awful that this had gone wrong despite knowing that it wasn’t entirely your fault. Sure, he had done it, but you reacted. Reactions could be just as harmful when taken to an extreme as yours just had. And for what? Because of a little book? You should have been better than that. You just felt so disappointed. Disappointed because you expected more and got your hopes up  while not being able to live up to someone else's. 

Amy was so excited that the two of you had agreed. She hadn’t outright said so, but you knew your best friend well enough to recognize the giddy elation that remained beneath an expression of indifference. You both finally made a step towards resolving your differences, and you blew it. What would you even tell her? 

"We’re really bad at this whole ‘getting along thing,’ aren’t we?” You laughed with no humor in your voice, more to yourself than him. 

“I don’t think so,” The Doctor’s voice broke through your pity party. It was unnaturally soft. He walked over to your defeated form, leaning against the console so he stood across from you. “We’ve learned something about one another, which is good! You learned that I don’t like endings and I learned that you do! I say it’s a start.” 

You gently rubbed your hands across your arms. In your mind, you debated if you wanted to tell him that this statement was incorrect. If you did, you’d have to be open, and open is far more intimidating than closed. The Doctor might have been many things, irritating included, but judgmental wasn’t one of them. You knew he would take your vulnerability with no conviction. 

This was a step in the right direction, you knew that. “Who said I like them? I don't.” 

The Doctor stopped his tinkering on the console to stare at you. You could tell he hadn’t expected such a soft supply. Maybe he thought you would dispute it, but not at such a volume. It caught him by surprise if his slightly parted mouth said anything. He spoke, “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” You nodded. “I mean, they’re endings. It means things have to end, obviously , and who really likes that? But they…They’re…” 

The Doctor remained quiet. He was silently urging you to continue on. It was foreign to you, him deciding not to speak so that you could, but it wasn’t unwelcome. 

“They mean new beginnings,” You continued. “Can you really have a new one without an ending? Like, you go to college, you spend four years there and work your ass off, and then it’s over. But then you start to work, and you’ve got a whole new beginning right there. Or! You drop out and you begin to work towards something else you're passionate about that they can’t give you there! You do what you really want. Sometimes… sometimes you have to have endings in order for a new beginning. 

“And I know that sometimes the beginnings aren’t kind, and I guess that’s where the scary part comes in. You’re never guaranteed anything. But let’s say you don’t end things and down the line you regret it. Can you really be okay knowing that because you avoided an ending, you missed out on the possibility of a beautiful beginning?”

You tried not to have regrets in your life, but you were human. There would always be things you wished you ended and things you were upset you hadn’t begun. There would always be moments that ended prematurely, leaving you with a hollowed-out feeling. You couldn’t change them, even with a time machine. What you could do was think about what it meant for the next beginning. Because wasn’t that life? A never-ending series of beginnings and endings? If you just avoided the endings, where would you be? How could you live like that? How could anyone?

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that endings are what you make of them.” 

The Doctor was quiet for a long time. You didn’t want to look at him. This was the first moment you were somewhat vulnerable in front of him. It was good. Vulnerability was good. Amy would be proud. She’d be happy. But it didn’t make it any less terrifying. 

“How about this?” The Doctor finally replied. “Next time we swap a book, how about you read it first? That way, you can read the ending.” 

You tilted your head to look at him. He wasn’t full out smiling, just a tiny, warm one. It wasn’t the usual expression he usually had when with you, and for some reason, you were okay with it. 

“Next time?” 

“If you’d like.” 

It wasn’t going to be an easy fix, especially because part of you quite liked messing with the Doctor. You were both flawed in your own ways, and both entirely too stubborn for your own goods.  However, you knew that Amy was right: you would better off if this kind of behavior were to continue. 

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.” 

The Doctor once believed that it was better to just go through books. Flipping through their pages was easy enough, so why go through the trouble of  writing in them? It would just take more time. Those were her exact thoughts, and they were the ones she voiced to you that day.

But if one were to go into the Doctor’s room and open one of her many books, they would find the pages, save for the last, which was torn out, littered with annotations written in blue ink with a lot of extra space, as if something else was going to be written there.

taglist (let me know if you'd like to be added through my ask box!!): @gurkiloni @nightmonkeyparker @science--hoes

author's note: i love foreshadowing

[8bitscarlet]

Witchcraft

Summary: You've found yourself falling deeper into a certain witch's spell. But no matter how strong the magic is, it seems that the two of you just keep missing each other.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Angst/Fluff (minor cussing)

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: This is a fic for @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest writing exchange. This one is for @mrsromanoff and the prompt: "I can't keep kissing strangers and thinking they're you." Hope you like it!

*please do not repost or translate my material or claim as yours.*

________________

You never thought your three month assignment with the Avengers would've extended as long as it has. Missions went by with minimal injuries and maximum wins. You found yourself settling well into the chaos of the compound; the echoing boasts of Thor, the competitive edge of Danvers and the snark between Romanoff and Stark. When your three months were up, it wasn't a surprise to anyone that you immediately signed the contract from Stark, an official placement on the team.

Despite all of the alien blasters, Hydra experiments and Tony's benefit parties, nothing could've prepared you for a single person to rock your world. It started innocently enough; stolen glances at meals and ensuring you two were on the same mission team. As time continued, things turned less innocent; sneaking off during charity balls to suck face in the broom closet, you could recall a few times you were nearly caught in the back of the Quinjet. There was something about this woman. The way her fingers slithered through your hair, how those green eyes made your heart say yes, she stripped you bare.

You had convinced yourself it was witchcraft. It had to be.

Sitting with your cheek pressed against your fist, you find yourself doodling as Steve drones on in the background. Someone nudges you and as you turn, Wanda raises her brows when your eyes connect. With a groan, you raise the pen in your hand. Steve notices, stopping his spiel to look at you with a clenched jaw.

"With all due respect, Cap, we all got in at four this morning. Do we need a recap of the mission right now?"

Steve sighs, glancing at everyone and seeing them agreeing with you. You all had barely had time to unpack, let alone write your after action reports.

"Alright, Y/N. We'll go over how your pants tore mid-fight on Monday."

You point your pen at him, warning him as you watch his stupid smile fill his face. Bucky slaps your shoulders in gratitude, picking up Alpine onto his shoulders as he strides out to find Sam. Wanda's fingers gently brush yours as you walk side by side, sending an electric charge through your body.

"You know, when someone says 'with all due respect,' they really mean, 'kiss my ass'." Wanda glances at you with a sly smile.

Walking backwards towards the couch, you outstretch your arms with a grin, "Because that's what I meant, darling."

Chuckling, you roll over the back of the couch and plop down onto the cushions, your head landing perfectly on a pillow. Wanda lets out a scoff, knowing how many times it's taken you to actually land on the cushion and not the floor.

Flipping through the pages of her book, you watch her through half-closed eyes. A year ago you'd be asking what she was reading. A year ago, she'd curl up with you and explain it all. A year ago, you didn't have guilt eating at you.

Things a year ago were more than good between you. There might have even been a chance beyond friends with benefits. You knew you wanted that. Every time you looked at her, you couldn't stop your pounding heart or the warmth that grew in your stomach.

But you were stupid.

Chickening out every chance you had to ask her on an actual date rather than sneaking around to make her moan. You both had set ground rules, no strings attached. If it got too messy, you both had to call it quits. So, you convinced yourself it was better to quietly love her and keep her, than to tell the truth and lose her.

That was before the year long mission with Carol and Bucky. Before you realized how big of a mistake it was two months in. Before every day texts and video chats diminished to every other week, then every other month. Before you got back to the compound and saw her kissing up on some random benefactor at the Welcome Home Party. It was definitely before she started dating that walking toaster, Vision.

Luckily, he hadn't been around much the past month so watching them kiss and stare into each other's eyes was doable, mostly because you turned whenever you saw that stupid spark plug.

Four months since coming home, you've tried to fill the void the witch had created in your body, your soul. You went out with Carol and Bucky, prowling the town and the bar. Matching shot for shot some nights, waking up in random apartments other nights. Eventually Bucky did what you never did.

He asked Sam on a date and that left you and Carol. Until she started hooking up with Maria and dragged her along so you wouldn't be hitting the bars alone. You had made yourself a pity case.

"Do you need something?" Wanda cocks a brow at you, making a face at your prolonged staring.

You clear your throat, feeling the heat rush through your face, "You look a little sunburnt."

With a shrug and a chuckle, Wanda bookmarks her page as she places it down on the coffee table. Standing, she sits down on the couch, your body automatically scooting over to accommodate her. Holding out her red and glowing hand, you watch her pull off her rings, displaying the radiating tan lines running up and down her fingers. A laugh escapes you as you feel her hand slap against your chest.

"I didn't have anyone to put sunscreen on me!" She groans, "It burns!"

You guide your finger gently down her exposed arm, pressing in slightly to her warm skin. As you lift, you see the true color of her skin before it's bombarded with the glowing red of her burn. Glancing up, her green eyes watch you carefully, both of you not acknowledging the weight of her hand still on your chest.

"An aloe vera massage would do wonders," You whisper, "And I'm all out."

With a roll of her eyes, she leans back into your legs, "You really are a pain in my ass, y'know? When I tell people about you, that's the first thing I say."

Watching her float the remote to her awaiting hand, you grin, "Oho, so you're telling people about me, huh?"

"Please, check the ego there."

For the next moment, the two of you sit peacefully in each other's silence. Wanda was one who clung to those she trusted. When you came back, it was like she had superglued herself to you any time you walked into the room. It didn't help that you were still madly in love and she was taken.

Right now though, you watch her delicate fingers play with yours. Her eyes squinting with laughter as she watches her sitcoms, glancing to see if you're laughing as well.

A commercial echoes through the living room and Wanda lets out a sigh for attention, patting your thigh as she drops your hand. You don't move it as it lands atop her thigh, only gently stroke your thumb against the silky skin you wish could press against yours. Letting out a noise that you're both awake and paying attention to her, she glances over at you.

"Since you got Captain America to actually give us a free weekend, what's your plan tonight, casanova?"

You shrug, "I have early training with Bucky and-."

Wanda moves her whole body to face you, your hand slipping from her thigh as confusion spreads across her face. She lets out an unbelieving scoff,

"You're joking. You used to show up half drunk to training and still kick ass."

She's watching you carefully and you try to keep a neutral look on your face, she knows all of your quirks. Glancing up at her with a small grin, you pull your legs into you. Shifting yourself, you sit properly on the couch and run your hands through your hair.

"Just don't want to go out tonight. It's boring." You chuckle, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

Wanda rolls her eyes, "Why, no one catches your eye anymore?"

Another playful nudge and you sigh. All this playful teasing, these light touches. She has to know what she's doing.

Trying to keep a steady and nonchalant shrug, you shake your head,

"No one out there."

And you might've gotten away with it. Instead, you fell into the magnetic pull of those green eyes that cause you so much trouble. As your eyes land on hers, you can see the dilation within her pupils. Then the realization across her face. Her playful grin falls as she stares at you, blinking slowly.

"Y/N," She says slowly, "If you're doing what I think-."

You stand up quickly, your feet taking you to the other end of the coffee table. In two days you'll be gone and you'll be back in the place you hate being in right now. Placing your hands on your waist, you look up from your tapping foot.

"Wanda, I can't keep kissing strangers and thinking they're you."

Silence meets your face. You watch her as she slowly nods at you, "That's exactly what you're doing."

Groaning, she slides her fingers through her hair, pinning it from her face. Wanda lets out a careful breath before looking up at you, "What happened to no strings?"

Slapping your hands against your thighs in frustration, you let out a scornful chuckle, "Come on, Wanda. You know those rules were bullshit! No strings means not going on exclusive trips to museums and restaurants!" You watch her eyes flicker around the room, trying to find a way to disprove what you're saying. "It means not staying up all night when the other is sick!"

Wanda stands up quickly and you can see the look on her face, she knows what you're getting to. Waving her hand to get you to shut up, she tries to get to the stairs but your words blurt from your mouth,

"It means not falling in love!"

Her feet stop carrying her towards the stairs, her body frozen in the middle of the compound. Carefully, you step towards her, leaning ever so slightly to try and catch her eyes. They're glazed over from your confession, trying to understand the implications.

"I left. I..." You suck in a shaky breath, "I thought it would be easier if I wasn't here. You were so adamant about no strings, Wands. I broke the only rule, why would I stay?"

Her head jerks back at your words, her brows furrowing deeply down her face. Without another second to keep talking, Wanda's feet pivot as she shoots a finger into your face. You jerk away from her advance, seeing the growing mist within her eyes as she shouts,

"That's why you left?"

The crack in her voice sends one through your heart.

She turns quickly, her hands violently wiping at the tears that have broken free. You clench your brows. She's angry at you? You're the one who's had to watch her prance around with Vision, you just a memory of romance. Just before she can grab her bag and leave, you call out,

"Well, you seem to have fared better than me!"

As the words leave your lips, you bite down hard and shut your eyes. A surprised choke exits Wanda's throat as she throws her purse back onto the side table, knocking over the decorative bowl of rocks. They scatter across the ground but she doesn't notice, all of her rage is pointing at you. Her fingers run violently through her auburn hair, looking like she wants to rip it out.

"You are infuriating!" She jabs a fingers at you, "Why think that?! Because I'm dating Vision? He's filling a void, dumbass!"

Her words stab into you as her stomps draw nearer, you can feel the heat of her anger. She's not done, she's not letting you off easy.

"Every time he touches me, every time he kisses me. God, Y/N! All I can see is your dumb face."

Wanda's heavy breath washes over you as she finally stops her assault, so close you can see the blue in her green eyes. Her body radiates out to you and you have to force your hands into your pocket to not grab her and kiss her. Your eyes dip to her lips but you see sadness that has quickly replaced the facade of anger. Making a small fist, she slams it into your chest as her head bows. Her arm slides down your body, hanging limply at her side as she looks to you.

"Why didn't you talk to me?"

Wanda's fingers twitch forward, wanting to grab onto you. You sigh, taking your hands from your pockets and resting them on your waist. Your confession was supposed to be more romantic than this. Instead, you brought up issues you both were trying to ignore. You were angry now at yourself, taking it all out on the person you loved. You'd spent too long with all of this pent up emotion though, and it was all pouring out in waves.

"I have to finish my requisition forms. Get my gear ready."

You don't have to look up to know what face Wanda is making at you. It's the same face she had when you left the first time. The way her brows clenched together in disbelief, the pain behind her reddened eyes that threatened to spill more tears, how her chin trembled as she tried to breathe.

Her voice barely passes a whisper but standing so close, you hear every broken syllable, "You're leaving again."

You sigh, rubbing your throbbing temples as you feel your nose stuff up.

"You drop all of that on me and you're just going to turn around and leave?"

Shaking your head, you want this conversation to end. It's obvious where she is and it's not next to you.

"Don't you have a date or something?" You ask.

Wanda's been around you too long to not see exactly what you're doing. She lets out a chuckle, a lethal look in her eyes.

"No, you're right. And that date seems a hell of a lot better than this." Without another word, she snatches her purse from the table and starts to climb the stairs, leaving your feet frozen. Just as she reaches the middle of the staircase, she stops. You can feel her stare burning into you and as you look her way, you wish you hadn't.

"You're a coward."

Those words burn into your brain, rising through your ears and torture you for the rest of the day. The only thing you could think to do was slam your fists into the closest thing. The punching bags. People came and went, eyeing you try and punch away your frustrations to no avail. When the sun finally had sunk below the horizon, one Avenger had enough of your pity party.

"You know she's right." A voice comes from behind you.

You don't respond to them, just dodge the swaying bag. They walk into the room, stopping just inside of your peripheral.

"You're an idiot, you know."

With a chuckle, you sidestep the bag, "You need to be a little more specific."

"You're losing her again."

Another punch, "Uh huh."

Carol sighs next to you, "And you sent her away on her date."

"Yup."

She steps in front of the bag, stopping its movement and stares at you with determination in her eyes, "And you're not going after her?"

Avoiding her stare, you start to unwrap your hands, wiping at the sweat that pours down your face. Stopping, you can feel the cramp in your side and the throbbing of your knuckles. Chucking the wrap, you let out a shrug,

"Is there a point?"

Carol shoves the bag into you, grabbing your attention, "I am not going on another mission with you while you sulk. Do you know you talk in your sleep? Yeah. Guess what name I heard that whole year?"

You shake you head, licking your chapped lips as you search for water, "She didn't say it back."

You hear an exasperated chuckle from Carol, "Y'know Y/N, I'm going to go on a limb and say she wasn't expecting all of that to be thrown in her face."

Shooting her a glare, she keeps talking, "I'm saying this once. If you think this is going to be some cheesy Rom-Com where she bursts through those doors and confesses her love, you're more of an idiot than I thought." A finger jabs hard into your chest as you grimace, "You need to fix this."

Carol leaves you there with your head filled with more thoughts than before. Wanda was happy with Vision wasn't she? She hadn't talked about him much but you knew she had to be. Who were you to go and screw that up?

Night turned into morning and after staring up at your ceiling, you knew you weren't getting any sleep.

Sneaking down the stairs, you see everyone is still asleep. You take the opportunity to sit in more silence and wait for the coffee machine to finish steaming. The sun was just beginning to shine its red hues into the kitchen as you stood at the counter, twirling your empty mug. Lost in thought, you failed to hear the padding of feet coming down the stairs.

"I thought you had early training."

With a quiet chuckle, you lean into the counter, "You caught me."

In silence, you watch the witch pour in her coffee. The same amount of creamer and sugar every time, the same motions every morning since you've noticed her. Turning, she sees your mindless fingers twisting and turning your empty mug. Wanda raises her brows and holds out her hand,

"Refill?"

You hand over the mug and watch her work her magic on the black liquid, turning it into the caramel drink you love. Breathing in deeply, you watch the bubbles swirl around the liquid. You furrow your brows,

"I can never make mine taste-."

"We broke up."

Her words slam into you, your breath catching inside of your throat. Looking up, Wanda stands there in the middle of the kitchen, unsure if she had truly spoken or not. She looks up at you, her mouth closing as she realizes she doesn't know what she's doing.

"What? Wands, are you okay?" You start to stand to go and comfort her, you know they had a date yesterday. Did the son of a microwave hurt her?

Wanda's hand rises, stopping you in your tracks before she takes a quiet breath, "We broke up almost a month ago, Y/N."

Nodding at your obliviousness, you knock your knuckles against the counter as you press your lips into a thin line, "We're both liars then."

"Tell me you lied about the mission," She whispers, leaning into the counter. Her fingers laying gently across yours.

Your chest constricts as you sigh, "I didn't."

You watch her sullen nod, curling hair falling out of her messy bun as you gently graze your thumb across her knuckles. She quietly chuckles,

"We just missed each other."

Stopping your thumb, you clench your jaw. This isn't going to happen again.

"Wanda," You whisper, listening to the sad hum she gives you as she glances up with bloodshot eyes, "I'm sorry. I was scared and... I was an idiot."

Wanda pats your hand with a loud sniff, "I appreciate it, but-."

She doesn't continue. She doesn't want to believe that you're leaving. The love you feel wouldn't be strong enough to survive that time apart again. There's broken support beams and one thing will send it falling down. A far away mission isn't the nurturing this budding feeling needs.

Wanda tries her best to flash you a grin, "Let me teach you how to make coffee."

Before she can turn, you grab her hand quickly, "I'd prefer if you made it."

As you walk around the counter, you gently rest a hand on her waist, watching her carefully. Her handgrips your arm tightly, words stuttering from her lips as she tries to remind you that she's not going. You're leaving her again.

Without hesitation, you press your lips against hers, feeling her breath wash over you in a sigh. You pull her in tighter, leaning your head back to speak,

"Sam's going stir crazy. He can have it."

A smile tugs at your lips as you see her furrowed brows on her face, you place a kiss at the center of the wrinkles, pulling back to see the scrunching of her nose. A scrunch just for you.

"Wanda Maximoff. I love you. And I'm not losing you twice."

Without warning, her lips smash against your as she wraps her arms around your shoulders as you hoist her up. Wanda's legs wrap around you as both of you are smiling so wide that you can't kiss properly. Feeling her cold hands press gently against your face, you look into those green eyes that complete you life.

"I love you." Wanda whispers as her witchcraft wraps around you once more.