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#idk. theres still some hope maybe
applejongho · 2 months
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honestly the y**ngi dui situation is one of the most interesting events that has unfolded in kpop... maybe it's bc he was my ult for ~3 years and my dad loves him (he has not spoken a word to me about The Situation tho so idk how he feels) but i do think the reaction that came out of fans is why it's so compelling for me to follow to a T
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chiimeramanticore · 8 days
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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pcktknife · 1 year
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now i dont know anything about demons but ive never seen someone do a beelzebub interpretation and so heavily drop the whole lord of the flies bee bug thing like that other vivzie show has
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piplupod · 2 months
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watching a d.an and p.hil video from 2013 and i will admit... i miss that era of the internet and life fhdsfjkl it felt like so much was on the up and up and now all of it seems to be on fire and crash landing 😭😭
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orcelito · 6 months
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Realizing that I'm only 26 and I Theoretically have some 50 ish more years to fuck around with and I had a moment of like "I get All This Time to work on my writing projects??? 🥹🥹🥹" thinking about how it feels like I shouldn't bc everyone always seems so busy when they're middle aged
I remembered why. It's the kids. Not having kids frees up SOOO much of ur future for REAL
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lichtecht · 6 months
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PART 20
of the dfk 2023 audiobook translation
@cnka
Narrator (audiobook): Robert puts another piece of wood on the trunk and swings the axe.
Bökh: „And you never wanted to get in touch?"
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The Nichtraucher picks up a piece of wood.
Silence.
Nichtraucher: „Why should I? We didn’t see each other for the past ten years either.“
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He rips the piece of wood apart with his bare hands. While holding eye contact with Justus.
Silence.
Justus lowers his head.
Jo: „Uh.. weren’t you-" Martina, quietly: „Jo, leave it. Lets go.“
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Martina, louder: „We need to go! We still have something to do.“
The kids leave. Jo and Martina are holding hands as they walk away.
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Bökh: „Yeah… Thank you, kids.“
Jo, whispering as they walk away: "What was that just now?!"
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Robert picks up the chopped wood and walks back to his wagon. Justus looks after him.
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Narrator (audiobook): If the two friends will find back together? Matze isn’t so sure of that.
Matze, sarcastically: „Well, that was a great success!“ Jo: „Yeah, so much for friendship between Internals and Externs.“
Narrator (audiobook): At least Robert granted Herr Bökh access to his wagon. He looks around lost in thought more or less, while Robert washes the dishes.
Dishes clatter. There is silence otherwise.
Justus stares wistfully at Robert while he washes the dishes.
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Justus takes his eyes off Robert and starts looking around while Robert continues to ignore him.
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Bökh: „I thought you were living in London.“ Nichtraucher: (silence) Bökh: „It's nice here.“ Nichtraucher: (silence)
Justus starts walking around.
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Bökh: „I told the kids about our friendship.“ Nichtraucher: „As a cautionary tale?“ Bökh: (chuckles/scoffs) „No. Of course not.“
Narrator (audiobook): Bökh spots the poster of „the Bandits“, the same one hanging in his apartment.
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Bökh: „The 'Wild Dog' that we always played in is still there.“
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Nichtraucher: (silence)
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Bökh: „Should we meet there sometime? For a beer?“
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Robert looks up.
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He lets out a small huff, almost like an incredulous laugh or a scoff.
He dries his hands on a towel and folds it.
Nichtraucher: (silence) Nichtraucher: „I don’t know what we would have to say to each other.“
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Bökh: „Hm. Well. A lot of time has passed.“
Narrator (audiobook): Robert sits down at the table and lights himself a cigarette.
Justus turns as well and starts looking around again.
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Nichtraucher: „Why didn’t you come to Marie’s funeral back then?“
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Nichtraucher: „You didn’t even get in touch.“
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[„You didn't even get in touch“ -> parallels to „And you never wanted to get in touch?“]
Justus is silent. He starts fiddling with his jacket and pulls it off his shoulder. He lets out a deep, shaky sigh and is silent for another few moments.
Bökh: „…I don’t know, you met her and… and suddenly you were gone.“
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[Parallels to „suddenly your closest loved ones are gone“]
Bökh: „As if everything -our friendship, the band- as if that had all just been a dream.“
Justus turns around and looks at Robert.
Bökh: „Wir zwei. Wir hatten doch Pläne.“
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Bökh: „That really hurt me.“ Nichtraucher: „It hurt you.“
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Silence. Just the music.
Bökh: „Yes. Very much back then.“
The Nichtraucher lets out a soft incredulous laugh again, almost like a scoff.
Nichtraucher: „I see.“
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Long silence. Justus stares out the window. Finally, he turns and walks to the door.
Bökh: „You know where to find me.“
Justus leaves the wagon. Robert nods to himself silently.
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Narrator (audiobook): And with these words, Herr Bökh leaves his friend’s train wagon. If the two will ever see each other again?
#das fliegende klassenzimmer#dfk 2023 audiobook translation#dfk#das fliegende klassenzimmer 2023#mine#this is the most scene of dfk 2023 to me. i am having so many feelings and thoughts about it#there is so much to unpack#i really hope this did it justice... the whole. silent staring obviously doesnt translate#the silence in general doesnt translate#i would recommend to actually watch the scene#the silence is so so pivotal#another addition;#ach gott ich nehm grad neue bilder auf weil diese szene hq wirklich wert ist#und ich komm immer noch nicht darüber hinweg dass justus den nichtraucher allen ernstes 7 SEKUNDEN LANG ANSTARRT WÄHREND DER SPÜLT#ich hab hier wirklich am image limit gekratzt#tbh mit dem foto von den kindern kann ich nichts anfangen aber es scheint nicht unwichtig zu sein so i included it#it cant be robert and justus cause these kids are waaayy too young#if robert and justus met in school#these kids are like. idk. 9??#and i assumed they met when they were around the age of the kids in this movie#but maybe i got it wrong??#its so funny at some point i dont even talk about the Main Things of this scene anymore and focus on the most miniscule details instead#thats probably bc ive watched it maybe 10 times now and literally know this scene by heart. but let us PLEASE talk about the Main Things#i am so ready to have endless discussions about justraucher#hopefully the last addition of tags;#ok honestly i made almost as many edits to the tags as i did to the post#cause i kept changing little things so my comments werent up to date anymore#i think this part will be my magnum opus out of them all. but who knows theres still 9 to come#i think it shows that this is my favourite 🙃#oh yes i also added mentions to the parallels. felt like these were significant
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sonknuxadow · 2 years
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i remember hearing that the writers for the sonic boom tv show said that shadow was a very difficult character to write because sega is so picky about how he should be portrayed and thats why they saved him for season finale episodes only. so he could still be in the show but they wouldnt have to go back and forth with sega about what they can and cant do with him as much as they would have if he was a main character. anyway maybe thats part of the reason theres no alternate shadows in sonic prime. because sega was annoying about it and the writers didnt feel like dealing with it lmao
#but then again part of what made it so hard i think is because sonic boom was a comedy show and sega didnt think#shadow should be a very funny character? or something like that? and while sonic prime does have its jokey moments#comedy isnt the main focus unlike sonic boom#so maybe it would be easier to get a lot of shadow screentime in sonic prime than it would be in sonic boom#and they planned for there to be no alternate shadows from the start? idk im just saying stuff#personally i dont really like the way shadow is written in sonic boom. like some of the jokes involving him are funny but#overall. that is NOT my friend shadow the hedgehog#so im hoping if the next sonic prime episodes have more shadow than the first batch#then he is Nothing like he was in sonic boom#currently i am still on the fence about prime shadow. like they at least gave him a reason to be mad this time#instead of just having him fight with sonic all the time for no reason. which is a good start. but im still unsure#since hes had so little screentime so far#and they also pulled the ''put shadow in a bunch of the promotional stuff only for him to barely be there at all'' thing Again#but. to be fair. we're only on episode 8 out of what. 24? theres plenty more time for him to make more appearances#see i am also very picky about how shadow should be portrayed but me and whoever is in charge of him rn have very different ideas#of what the Right portrayal of shadow is#so while shadow is one of my favorite characters. whenever i see hes gonna be in some new thing#im more concerned about if theyre gonna fuck everything up again than i am excited to see him
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whomturgled · 1 year
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i have so many feelings and i hate it
#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and#and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and#i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me.#i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and#its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine#and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like#be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work#even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much#and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea#and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an#auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them#i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk.#theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk#i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all#i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but#ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u#ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are#i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too#but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and.#urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf#i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc#like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk#i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can#like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and#more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff#i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m#bc i get to decide that :^(#when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk.#theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh
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socksandbuttons · 1 year
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remembers the homestuck aus form many fandoms fondly
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toytulini · 1 year
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hit tag limit on the last post cos i started talking about roller coasters again 😔
#toy txt post#wish there was a way for me to like. Do. something. with my roller coaster hyperfixation. but im not an engineer i dont want to design them#thats so scary and i couldnt be a ride op cos im scared of riding most of them (disclaimer I KNOW HOW SAFE THEY ARE THATS NOT THE PROBLEM#I DONT HANDLE THE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE OF THRILL RIDES FILLING ME WITH ADRENALINE VERY WELL IT CAUSES ME PAIN#i do not enjoy it. but i love to see coasters and watch them and read about them 🥺 and also sometimea i read about. the incidents which#felt like very foolish at first like okay this isnt gonna help me get comfortable riding them but honestly actually it did help?#to see how many of the incidents are like. truly like either freak accidents or someone fucked up#but like the rides safety mechanisms usually are very good and not the reason for an accident. most errors seem to be like. act of god or#like. operator or rider error. and some of the operator errors are kind of terrifying BUT ALSO seem like things that can be prevented#maybe the new wave of unionizing in the us will sweep into theme park employees and make sure theyre paid well and recieve good benefits#and that they are not pressured to prioritize profits or faster throughput at the expense of safety. and (really optimistic i know) maybe#we as a society and culture can unlearn our systemic fatphobia to the point that its doable to turn someone away for being#too big to ride safely without making them feel like shit or like its their fault and MAYBE we'll even possibly just maybe figure out how#to make rides that can actually accommodate larger guests safely so they can participate in the fun without fear or bodyshaming#logically i know theres no way to remove 100% of risk and that there is still heightened risk especially for ppl w various#medical conditions but idk i think we as a society can keep theme parks and do them well. i believe in us.#i should go to more of them....ive been to like. not that many but i do still have favorites#hershey my beloved. i LOVE how visible all the coasters are all the time i LOVE the skyview going right through great bears track#i hope i can go again this yr and see the new wildcat 🥺 absolutely not going to ride that fucking thing but i am definitely going to stare#at it. jenn if youre reading this i cannot fucking believe you got me to ride og wildcat honestly#p sure that rattle gave me a headache and i would not do it again that was a rough fucking ride lol but im glad u somehow got me into that#i have. such a complicated relationship with being peer pressured onto rides lol#like on the one hand i do need that a little bit or i definitely wont do it but on the other. being forced onto comet as a child was#slightly traumatizing and definitely marked my turn from wanting to ride all the coasters to jot wanting to ride anything#to my parents credit on that one they do recognize it as a mistake and were sorry about it like immediately so i dont hold it against them#but also dont. force ur children to ride coasters lol. but i do need to go spend a day at hershey just forcing myself to ride great bear#over and over. fav coaster best coaster. its so fucking loud. its shaped so good. pretty color scheme. its constellation themed#i do love and am obsessed with how hershey packs all those tracks together like that it looks so cool i love to see it#candymonium right at the entrance like that is Extremely distracting very immediately
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fishwear · 1 year
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i am battering this motherfucker (fanfic) out if it kills me (said lovingly)
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prettyallfriends · 2 years
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not llsif ending in march..... i havent played in probably over a year but godddd its probably The Best mobile rhythm game ive ever played, im hoping sif2 has the same gameplay and just adds nijigaku and liella songs 🙏🙏🙏🙏 even if the cards and stuff dont carry over (farewell to my full ur teams... but also farewell to the struggle of having so many ur cards i struggled to decide which ones to swap out)
just praying its nothing like all stars. now THAT is a stinking dookie of a game. u dont need to add a bad rhythm game to ur idol raising sim, rhythm game fans arent playing it regardless lol. rly hoping they keep the focus on the rhythm game nd keep the idol raising thing to a minimum
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ravegore · 6 months
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Ok now that my rage is mostly past i am in more lalaland. Glad to put my energy towards being happy and improving my life with my friends that i love and trust
#i am still miffed that this was public but#it occurred to me it might also be bothering me so intensely because#it seemed we both agreed to move past each other and let go for now#n sure maybe this is what he needed to do to let go#it just feels kinda inflammatory.#but its only as much as i engage it with. which i dont plan to do#i hope my silence helps him reflect#and theres also just#a certain irony to the whole thing that i spent many many years trying to give advice on their relationship trying to help only for nothing#and now this very fresh very new issue suddenly is relationship breaking and hes already given up trying to help#lol#i guess he knows how i feel now though#idk#if anything better for him i guess to cut it off now rather than try repeatedly like i did (unless this already is repeat)#it also just feels like#he really doesnt even know who i am as a person#even after all this time#i dont want to say hes just wrong about everything because i definitely did say some dumb shit in the last few months#but it just feels like hes not even trying#or there are things hes not telling me#i keep telling my side explaining myself explaining what i mean and he just keeps. dare i use this word. Assuming things about me#anytime i have a conversation with him i just feel like im running in a circle i dont understand and i never know how to feel about anythin#and i dont understand what hes talking about what he wants what hes really feeling whats going wrong#and... comparing that to the friends i have now#its just even more obvious they're a lot better for me#i dont think friends are supposed to make you feel like this
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orcelito · 1 month
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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arolesbianism · 9 months
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Times are getting desperate boys the sandbox tools suck so I'm hunting down other planetoids for more lore
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sagxshi · 9 months
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