#idk. live life and love fat ppl

[t4tklonoa]

me btw. if u even care

[liquidstar]

my big fat greek wedding is the realest greek rep in mainstream american media, not because its completely accurate- a lot is rooted in lighthearted sort of self-stereotypes, and is overall pretty shallow if youre looking for legitimate emotionally resonate representation of any kind. BUT thats also EXACTLY what makes it vibe w so many greeks anyway because we hardly ever see those very specific little eccentricities even mentioned, letalone be made the focal point, so we kind of love making fun of it in a way thats like "oh my god thats JUST like my thio maki!!! and thats just like thia calliope!!! oh fuck that ones just like me"

all things considered i dont think greek representation is like the most important ever or anything, but its so rare to see greece acknowledged beyond ancient stuff or mythology, or maybe the occasional jab at eastern europe, that its just... fun to see yourself and your family a little bit on the tv. it doesnt really get into the super deep parts of the culture or anything like that but its fine bc its fun. i think most greek families (esp of diaspora) have bonded to this movie because theyre just like us for real. before this, i think the closest thing id seen to actual greek rep on tv was from an episode of the suite life on deck where it was mainly just an eastern europe stereotype 😭 abt being hairy and playing with pig guts as balloons and shit idk. i mean also true but in a way that comes off as more mean spirited lol. but even then i was excited just to see our flag on tv and remember pointing at it to my mom so i cant say it was the worst. but hey!

anyway i like my big fat greek wedding a lot, wanna see the 3rd sometime too but never got around to it. it just vibes and is fun. and again like i said before, greek rep wasnt the most important thing ever growing up (even if it is super cool to see and does make me very happy to have our culture acknowledged outside of ancients!) but it does make me understand why representation is important in a more general way and why it means so much to people. and i also understand that it can mean a whole lot more to people whove been historically treated way worse by media. like, lack of acknowledgement is one thing, but outright malicious stereotypes are another. i do get this with lgbt+ rep too but since i was lucky enough to be born in a time where its becoming the norm i also cant imagine how it must have seen so much worse and then live in a world where every cartoon has 2 girls kissing. its not perfect and often corporate but... also a good sign

sorry this post is super stream of consciousness so its probably all over the place but i think my general thoughts are that ppl who shit on a series for having any kind of representation they dislike (being "too progressive" or something) is not only an awful unsympathetic person but also like. on the flip side will never know the joy of seeing yourself like that. but i do realize it also comes with the tradeoff of not being seen to begin with so its not like its a net positive but... those ppl still wont know! they will not understand the true joys of "[country] mentioned!!!!" when the country is The United States Of America. the end

[teamloyalty]

look how football players who are for some reasons not classified as "GENDER CONFORMED" based on some toxic masculinity standards are being treated...jules koundé dares to wear boots with heels or experiment a bit with his outfits and sense of style in a somewhat more fluid way and the french call him julia. pavard gets outed by a paparazzi who said he's gay (true or not, we don't know) and because he perhaps looks slightly more elegant/soft than average he's made fun of or called the f word. those rumours of mbappe dating a trans woman as an excuse to drag him or call him freak.

if I were a queer footballer I would never ever come out. never ever.

i'm with totally with you, anon. truly i see no reason why a queer footballer should risk any semblance of peace for the rest of their lives to come out lolz it really is that dire. and its all SO wrapped up in sex like

not sure i'm going to say this well but - what makes an athlete a successful representation of the ideal man is his ability to perform hegemonic masculinity in all facets of his life; because these men are high performing athletes (the peak expression of masculinity) they're also expected to perform masculinity at an elite level in all other respects as well. these toxic norms of masculinity emphasize domination, over most other men and over ALL women (and anything perceived as feminine).

and the minute an athlete transgress the boundary into anything NOT distinctly male, they're called gay -- or at the very least treated as though they are gay. queerness indicates an inherent wrongness about the male body, something sinister in the way gay men use their male bodies for acts outside the realm of acceptability for real men.

and this is a problem because by definition elite male athletes model for the rest of society the most successful, most masculine, perfected use of the male body.

look at the way that people responded to just the SUGGESTION that declan rice would love his [white, blonde, VERY beautiful] girlfriend because she's midsized. (they'll call her fat and she's not. she's midsized at most.) she does not conform to the highest possible beauty standards so ppl think that he could do better, find some prettier, skinnier woman to fuck (because that's all he could possibly want in a partner: the hottest woman to fuck, and to demonstrate to the world that he's fucking her). i've seen people wonder if he's not attracted to women at all. why else would a famous young athlete want a fat, ugly girlfriend? (she is neither of these things). he MUST be gay.

THIS IS A STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIP.

idk man its just sooooo darksided. maybe out players wouldn't receive direct in-person harassment from fans at games, but anyone who knows anything about how homophobia actually operates in society at large and isn't a fucking idiot knows that homophobia isn't solely damaging in the form of physical in person violence. football fans online can't even handle someone wearing fucking rainbow shoe laces. FUCKING SHOE LACES.

and that's not to mention the myriad of ways that implicit bias would impact out players, negatively affecting their ability to make connections in the game, acquire brand deals, move to the right clubs, etc etc.

well-meaning people in the football world will say that for forward progress, a few brave footballers just need to come out and normalize queerness in the sport. they're too entrenched in that world to recognize that its very foundations are rooted in homophobia.

[anti-ao3]

okay, sorry to hammer on the topic of bullying, but the whole "bully with a sad backstory" belief is extremely harmful to victims/survivors.

idk where it started, but firstly, i do think that school shootings influence this belief. everyone always says that school shooters have been bullied and/or abused at home, which might be true sometimes. but that isn't the root of the problem. the root is white supremacy. it's lack of gun control. because if all victims of bullying became school shooters, then where are all the marginalized groups, like black kids, disabled kids, women, lgbt+ kids etc.? if anything, though, they would probably be demonized. since most school shooters are white, then you'll see them being treated like poor little guys on the internet. i'm talking mainly about the usa, but here in brazil, where i live, we also have school shootings and we learn that the shooters were part of neonazi communities online.

fiction does reinforce this, to the dickheads who think "fiction doesn't affect reality". there are too many bully characters to possibly mention here. but most of them have something in common, they're abused and/or neglected at home, or maybe they're also bullied. but trust me, that is very uncommon in real life. i only had ONE bully who was also mistreated. all my other bullies were privileged, rich kids that just loved making my existence unbearable. and again, many of the victims of bullying i knew, including myself, weren't white, or they were disabled and/or fat. before anyone says it, yes, i'm very aware that bullies learn from their parents and families. but that doesn't always mean they're ABUSED, too. if anything, their families probably encourage their kids being an asshole to minorities.

the reason i'm saying all of this is that bullying is not treated seriously at all. i've been dismissed and ignored several times when i tried to open up about my bullying, including to my school and actual therapists. ppl often tell me it wasn't "that bad" or i'm exaggerating, and it was just "kids being kids" or "boys being boys". or worse, they'll tell me that i have to acknowledge that maybe my bullies/abusers had a tragic backstory too, and i have to forgive them. which is absolute bullshit.

bullying ruined my life. on top of my abusive household, i've become insecure, terrified of social interactions, of group assignments, of presentations, parties and so on. i'm always expecting everyone to hate me. i keep thinking everyone is looking at me and laughing at me behind my back. basically, i've become paranoid. i can't trust anyone. and that probably explains why i seriously hate bully characters and the way society treats bullies overall. i actually remember making a post about bullying on tumblr, and some idiot tried to make it about the bullies and how "they're victims, too".

maybe i'm being too unfair or too harsh because of my personal experience, but i feel very unwelcome in fandoms where bully characters are beloved. nobody thinks my trauma with bullying is valid. society tells me it's not actually abusive or traumatic. no matter how many lives we lose to bullying, nobody cares. and to be reminded of that when i want to interact with a media i like is so daunting.

[shadeslayer]

am just going to be feedist on main rq. weight stuff with numbers & eating disorder talk

the thing is. i dont have a scale, i never use scales i have never used scales in my life they are very strange to me honestly. i only get weighed at the doctors and i havent gone to a doctor that weighed for prly over a year idk. i know im somewhere in the 200s (220 one time, 250 another, ive lost some weight from stress i think so im prly at 220 or less again id guess) and i dont actually care abt numbers but i would like to be fatter and 300 seems a nice round number to aim for. but also i will never buy a scale

but mostly i have a massive eating disorder & no good copes for it atm. id eat more if i could but i cant even manage 2 meals a day every day rn. and im broke as hell

honestly it would be dope if i could do wg/bhm or whatever stuff for $ to fund food and gaining and other luxuries in my life but from the times ive dipped my toes into SW i dont think id make much out of it without way too much work, & i think it would violate personal boundaries of me and my wifes kink stuff. i know if i really wanted it i could but i dont want to disturb such a comfortable place of healing weve both found w feedism by selling clips and stuff. esp cuz i am Not interested in a lot of the usual gainer stuff - i just really enjoy the sensations of eating and being fat. so itd be a whole thing to figure out. im already on my grind enough w the designs i dont wanna be on the hellish sw grind cuz ive seen it before and its too much work esp around how the internet wants to wipe adult content & esp swers off the earth

eh but anyway. id love to be gaining and maybe even track progress for myself but i just dont have the money to indulge my arfid enough that i could eat reliably enough to really gain, esp cuz im not interested in chugging shakes or cream or anything like a lot of ppl do. i just want to eat burgers and ice cream and bacon and waffles and cake every day and get fat. but i live w my parents who r purposely buying health food only bc theyre tryna be healthy, and i just have to make do while i live here esp w no income

[ykxz]

(Don’t mind this it’s just a rant abt somehting )

I fucking hate ppl who have made fun of me for the things now then the next minute it’s their favorite band or favorite show or whatever the fuck it is.

Basically my friend was making fun of me last night for liking Gerard way and she was saying he was ugly, fat shaming hi mans everything only for the next day she tells me, “I’m so obsessed with him!!” Shut the fuck up. I love her ok she’s a really good friend but bro?? You just said he was ugly and fat and ‘they did him dirty’ in those photos just to be like oh he’s so fine he’s my man. You were literally bullying the living fuck out of me for that shit and I hate it so much. Ii wouldn’t care this much if she wasn’t already talking shit about him like he isn’t a fucking person? Like Gerard isn’t going to look like how he did when he was 20 for the rest of his fucking life and I’m happy he changed cuz now he’s better, mentally and physically well. I’m happy he was getting better and still happy, I don’t care if he gain weight or looks way different it’s normal and heathy too.

It just bothers me a lot cuz I’ve been through the same situation before, it’s not “letting yourself go” no it’s actually caring for your well being and being happy in your life. It just pisses me off cuz if she didn’t think he was attractive she should’ve just said that dude instead of calling him names and saying how fat he was like bro what

This isn’t the first time it happened to me with my friends, I’ve had a friend hate on ppl who read fanfics and smut but now it’s like her thing. Like are you fucking serious you made fun of me and our friend for liking that stuff but now it’s all you do or talk about.

I don’t gatekeep shit cuz I think that’s just dumb but sometimes I just want the things I like to myself and ppl who like the same stuff. Keep it to ppl who understand whatever it is and know what it’s like to get made fun or for that thing. And it pisses me off the most since Ive been made fun my whole fucking life for everything I have liked but now it’s your fucking thing even tho you just said I was a fucking weird or a fag or any fucking nasty name for liking it.

Sorry for this little rant ik im overreacting but idk.

[anticapitalistmongoose]

things that are conventionally unattractive are literally so hot tf

body hair is so hot omfg why do ppl even shave. like it just makes you softer and like your a creature of the forest i love it. like god i wanna touch ppl's soft body hair so bad its so amazing.

it amazes me how stretch marks are somehow not considered pretty by most ppl. like i have stretch marks and they literally look like the ocean has been printed under your skin. like i am a god of the sea what are you talking about.

fatness just makes you so much softer to cuddle and everyone who ignores that are fucking idiots. also fat ppl are fucking gorgeous.

"bad" skin literally why do ppl even want smooth skin. ugh i love skin with texture like if you have really smooth skin all i'm thinking about is those lil green alien guys. i'm not even joking. the marks and bumps in your just show your humanity. idk. acne is just 3d freckles fight me bitch.

scars just show the things you've gone through to get to this point. like that's absolutely amazing?? and this goes for all scars not just otherwise conventionally attractive ppl with scars mostly considered cool. all scars are cool and i love them.

wrinkles?? don't even get me fucking started. like wrinkles are literally permanent marks of every time you've emoted in your life. that's fucking amazing. smile lines and crows feet are from all the times you've smiled and laughed in your years. like what that's amazing. wrinkles are a reminder of all the life you've lived and loved in. i love them.

i love conventionally unattractive things god yes gimme

[najlepse]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ff16 ending spoilers i’m srsly warning u for this one it’s a big fat essay u better finish the game

i want to be tolerant of other ppl’s opinions bc the ending doesn’t spell it out for you directly i guess but i’m actually baffled at the amount of people going like “joshua died clive lived” it’s just insane to me lolllll

IDK you think the game showed joshua’s fatal chest hole disappearing bc clive healed him and this meant joshua was still dead??? clive saying the power was too much for the VESSEL and that he would make the most of it while he could and that meant he was going to be fine????? u think he was turning to stone on the beach and it meant he would survive?????????

i think rlly the only proof of this theory is jill smiling at the end but i srsly feel like it’s bc the sun is rising and she can see that he secured the future. it kind of seems obvs that metia is representing clive and that’s why it goes out.

i def see why people would want this though bc the game spends so much time with characters like joshua reiterating “clive u don’t have to sacrifice urself” and clive does do that in the end and i personally mmm… i still have to think abt the ending bc of that. but i didn’t dislike it, i think def THE most important thing in this game is the brotherhood between joshua and clive and him using the power to bring joshua back felt real and made me feel very emotional. for sure my favorite thing in this game was their relationship it was very well done.

i don’t necessarily think a character being unfulfilled in the way clive was means it was bad development… i think cutting off a character’s story like this can have merit, wanting the happy ending doesn’t mean you get it.

+ but i also think if ffxvi-2 or dlc happened i would be very happy to see him come back and it wouldn’t cheapen the first for me… i am a lover of ffx and ffx-2 so this is something that i have seen before lol and felt fine about and also i think joshua and jill deserve to beat his ass just a little (with love)

++ ok one more this is a little petty i just think it’s funny that this “ideal” clive end is like well the brother he loved more than life itself was murdered brutally by ultima and he couldn’t do anything. but it’s ok he could remove magic and eikons from the whole world and go back to his girlfriend just fine.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw racism, transphobia, fatphobia, all that kinds of stuff, with examples

My mom has become all of that.

She's always been... idk somewhat of all of that. Very selective racist (it is wild, ngl) and a bit fatphobic.

But it has become worse. I guess because her life has become worse, she's developed MS and, you know, racism & co are middle age ppls favorite coping mechanism. Plus she has zero internet competence and every whatsapp chain letter is fact.

And it is sooo wild, like, she's an ally for gay ppl and binary trans ppl, since forever. But since non-binary is becoming more present, she's very transphobic against them. (Which sucks because I am non-binary but ok, I don't need her validation).

She's become super fatphobic, she's watching those wedding dress shows a lot and always commenting on ppls weight in hateful ways "Oh, you are too fat for that!" "You can't wear that with your fat arms!!" etc. I mean, may fat ppl not have a pretty wedding dress? (It hurts too bc, guess what, I am fat). She also visiting a lot of doctors to get new meds because she believes (imagines) that hers made her fat (they didn't). For the same reason she doesn't quit smoking though she doesn't even like it.

But her racism is the wildest! So she said, a few days ago, that Arabic immigrants (not refugees but second or third generation) get more and easier money from the state because (!) the state is so racist that they don't believe immigrants are smart enough to work, so they get everything for free (????).

That's factual bs, it is long known that the state (or at least the ppl who work for the state) are racist.

!!My mom works for the state!!! She's the best example!??!

I live in Europe and we are having a lot of Ukrainian refugees and did have a lot of mainly Syrian refugees in the past. My mom worked in a refugee home back then and really liked the Syrian ppl (so they are now outside her racism-spectrum) but they've been treated a lot worse than the Ukrainian ones today (another good example of the racism of our state) which leads my mom to now hate the Ukranian refugees and believing, they get everything for free. A few days ago she said "Oh, I'd really love to be a Ukrainian".

(I had a very, very hard time not telling her, that I could easily let a cement block fall onto her head, for the real Ukranian feeling.)

She also hates all Eastern European ppl but that's common amongs ppl her age. When my dad found out that his dad was from Poland (long kept secret) she was enlightened because finally she had a reason why "this marriage could've never worked".

So yeah. That's her racism in a nutshell. She's fine with everyone else though and doesn't mind immigrants. She's also not proud to be from state X. She just hates some ppl. She also often defends foreign/foreign looking ppl from the racism of her colleagues or tells her colleagues that they talk racist bs.

You know, she's always so half/half. Binary trans ppl yeah, non binary trans ppl, nay. Some racism yeah, some nay. And until like two years ago, she was almost only yeah. She was only very limited racists and not transphobic since there were no non binary trans ppl in her world.

And it is super hard because she is very abusive and I have cptsd and she kicked me out once when I dared to argue with her and I was homeless for a year so I can't just tell her, she's talking absolute bullshit. I try to say "Oh, well I don't think so", you know, subjective, but that only leads her to yell her opinion out even louder. I mean, she never believes what I say. I could state mathematical facts and they'd become untrue because they came from my mouth. But I am not okay with this and she's also outside of home very loud with her hurtful opinions and it hurts me that ppl (who are affected) may hear her and I can't defend them for my own safety.

Ah yeah, and why I write this: As I said, I have cptsd, which was misdiagnosed for depression when I was younger so many therapists, some clinics until the diagnose and the forbiddance of my mom to continue seeing a therapist (bc she felt this was going to be about her). So I am unpatiently waiting for the day I can move out and visit a therapist. And a few days ago she said "Well, I don't quite believe in therapy. I think that's not scientific and bs. Who knows who they really work for?". And I was like, excuse me?? Psychology not being a science?

And, idk my mom has some mental issues of her own (not because of the written above text but because:) she always forgets stuff easily, even stuff she says, she changes her opinion pretty frequently, i can't just use "last week you said X" as an argument because she already forgot it and will believe I lied. Plus, she's hard of hearing. So, our conversations are... Something. But she expects them (and I believe enjoys) for two hours daily and I need to keep my sleeping spot so..

Yeah, my mom and her fat, leftist, enby, partially polish child with cptsd.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry you have to put up with all of that.

It sounds like your mom has some pretty inflammatory takes that personally affect you as a member of the demographics she villainizes.

It would be interesting to see what would happen with malicious compliance, being that you pretended to not only agree but take it to an extreme that perhaps she may not even agree with, just for her to recognize the slope she's slipping down (I do this to people sometimes). It may not work and it may not even be safe to do so, but if opposing her is causing problems, then I wonder what would happen if you played along.

Either way, it sounds like it's a very heavy task to put up with your mom and I commend you for handling it as well as you have.

You are valid.

I hope you're doing alright. Please let us know if you need anything, or if there's anything we can do to help.

-Bun

[burnandblind]

So like. I have trust issues.

Obviously.

How could I not?

How could anyone not?

Lol

But fr: ive exp dumbshit that just leaves me...

...

Questioning my relationship to the species.

Idk how else to say it.

Girls that will literally be with someone toxic bc of their "swag" or financially stability (but they're fr abusive!!!)

And judge me for like

Being insecure and wanting to communicate

Like this is some sort of ruse.

Bad choice, I'd say but what do I know. I live under a rock. I really do not understand what neurotypical people love about toxicity..

There are ND ppl like that too but!

It seems more of us are willing to work on our shit bc we're aware of it (for one reason or another)

It just baffles me how some people act.

Why hate on someone?

I hate on people bc they're like. Bigoted. Or are mean to disabled people or animals or kids. Maybe they're just assholes in general. Or even classist/fascist/anti environmental/anti scientific etc

But not EVER for .. being different, or awkward, or short or tall or fat or whatever ya know? Not bc of diversity.

That's dumb. Diversity is life

But I don't think people need to be douchy or haters anymore. We should be beyond that

And it'd be cool to get over differences in ideology without genocide getting into the mix

But I know how some of yall just can't help urselves

Anyway: nite nite and thanks for reading

[blackvail22]

9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

I WANT ELLI0T PG 2 PURSU3 MOI BOTTOM HALF CUZ MOI DAD DIED

SUUUPPPPPppPPpppPPPP H0MEZZ n THEYZ N ITZ N HE HIMZ.. dissh week has been SPRING BREAK n it GOTzz meh missin vanessa hudgenzz N moi 12 YR OLD SPIRAL / ADDICTION when Her sMHExyy nudes got l33ked . but als0 that era cuz obvvv. i DO NOT mean 2 sound lik a pervert butt my best fwend defzz has been dressin ALOT lik minni3 m0use but the sexy version w n0 gloves n no bra no panties n Holes EXposed. ... . . .

i luv having SHARED SOCIAL ANXIETY b4 a bday partyyyY so we all sit on thA Stoop A Block away from the actual club venuee the bdAY partyzz at n do K n contemplate the nxt step /nxtt club hOp n blah blah blah wee wanna avoid takin a car w some randozz at tha other 1 cuz meh. SHARED SOCIAL ANXIETY... WE R ALL CONNECTED IN THE URETHA OF A UNIVERSAL VAGINA MONOLOGUE ... speaking of Daatttt i LUV POETRY READINGZZ at my grASSy KNOLL w sexy weed tht i KANT smoke cuz thts GONNA GIBB MEH AN ANXIETY ATTACK but dere is DEFZZ sum sexy moss from KATE MOSS QUEEN.. n being fahsionablyy l8 to it cuz u were lowkeY maybE highkey having sex for the 5th time in a row in just a day . I LOVE RICE WITH PIGEON PEAZ. N SPAM. ;D

iyam running out of KEWPIE MAYONAOUSE n i am ALSO running out of moi h0use in the name of FAMILY N FRIENDSHIP N COMMUNITYYyyy JUST 2 Make Sure I show support down tha bl0ck to moi fwenddd speakin at purgatory n when i runningg up tha stairs they hear moi runningg up tha stairss in moi platformzz n tell every1 on stage they hear meh by my loud big shoes cuz moi shoes r as big as the size of moi COCK 8=D . n i unintentionally meet someone moi partner asked out on a date twice n got NO both of those timez.. ;]

my TOes n neck n back crack every hour N I dink it meanzz im lik anemic and also hot n sexy cuzz i DOLLZKILLL COMMENTED ON MOI IG PIC OF MEH GOIN VROOM VROOM IN A SHMEXY RED N BLACK [MOI COLORZZ] UBER OMWW 2 A LEASING OFFICE MGMTT COMPANY IN BK WHEERE A HATIAN WOMAN SLUT SHAMED MEH 4 WEARIN LEGGINGS AS A SHIRT N MY NIPPLE PIERCING NIPPLES WERE EXPOSEDDD. but DOLLZKILL WERE LYKEE ASKIN FOR MEH TO PICK THEM UP . LIKE OMFGGGGG.. . .. ask meh 2 ModEL for u IN CALI OR SOMETHING SO I KAN FINALLY B FAMOUS N LIVE OUT MOI 10TH HOUSE FAME N POWER N INFLUENCEEEEEEEE.

i luv GOIN ALL DA WAY TO STATEN ISLAND 2 C INDONESIAN BAND PLAY DRUMZ WITH SWISS CHEEZE SYMBALSS. ;] dating a pisces is cray cuz they cRY rite when they wake up n rite after sexx n rite when u mak them coffee in da morningzz cuz they r BBYZZZZZZZ ;D

gODDDD I RLY WANNA TRAVEL ALREADYY N MAKE UP MOI MIND AB MOI CAREERR CUZZ honestly GETTIN BANNED OFF LEX TWO DAYZZ AGO WUZ KINDA THA PEAK OF MOI EXISTENCE . I Hav nVr gotten bANNED b4 but i mean tha last 2-3 reports i had on mOI account were COMPLetely normal in moi opinion i dink it defzz just wuz lik a miscommunication ab mEH wanting to throw handzz n fight this stupid bitch from henrietta hudson , explaining dat i YAM da plug with a sweet potato yam emoji , n als0 wanting 2 start a support group kalled TboyHorsedicktrauma support group 101 . iDK why ppl think im such a threat. i just look mean but im uwu BABY AF...

i luvv plannin 2 fuck at a public playground n then moi planzz fallin thru cus there 2 many KIDDOZZ out so i buy 8 dollarr cup of coffee then uber 2 moi best fwendzz rooftop to just hav seggs there in a slutty sailor outfit . ;] i THINK moi heart is also growing more n more for kuromi as i accumulate more n more thingzz of her now esp cuz i hav a baby wipe make up wipe case of HEr, more socks , a sweater hand made of her face via eyelits n safety pinzz n spikes n studzz n i actually realized i DO likee working in an office w 3 earth signs n a dog n 1 of those earth signs is also a life coach who also speaks ab body positivity [ always makes comments ab my 'petite frame and long legs'] but fat shames herself n shelly duvall n also spendzz alot of time investigating if ariana grande is actually anoreixicc. MUYYY INTERESANTEEEE N TRIGGERING LOL ;D

ITS ALMOST MERCURYRETROGRADE N I HOPE MY EX'S CUM BACK 2 MEH . WELL NOT AL LLL. just one that blocked meh in january thtt wusnt rly moi ex just a situationship that actually damaged my mental health a lot N HAD meh Convinecdd I HAD a p3RSONAality disorder but nO im just chariasmatic n LIke to feed into my partners keyboard typing fast kink.

I WISH I CULD FALL INTO A PUDDLE N NVR HAV TO GET UPP CUZ IM SO TIRED N SLEEPYY N BORED CUZ IM COMIN OFF OF A MDMA MOLLYYYYYYYY I SHULDNT HAV TAKEN I SHULD HAV KEPT CUZ IM SELLIN DEM N U DONT GET HI OFF UR OWN SUPPLY DATZ WHUT IT SAYS IN CRACK AMENDMENTZZ 101 ;[ i h8 being financially abused n then crying ab it while eating chiggen skewerzz n pad thai at klom klorm. i luv being a brat n also singing rly rly rly rly rly rly rly loud in my bedroom floor while making the bushwick version of goodnite moon w patchwork quilt fleece tht keeps faling aaprt actually cuz i didnt hav anymore glue sticks for the hot glu gun then it just rly all fell apart n it looked ugly n defz wuz not tha type of gift i wanted 2 giv out n also hav it b seen as something i believ kan be representative at all of moi as an artist or somethang. ;[

i stg if moi crushess dont get back 2 meh in a more timely mannner n actually wanna go on datez then ima hit up the trak teeam that came over the other week 2 Tylerz n ask them to take off their shirts for meh while they sweat in their david bowie clown make up n then talk ab giving each other orgiezz n accusing meh of being a lesbian which is not an accusation at AALLLLZZZZ.

im NOT CUNT AS MUCH AS I WANT 2 B CUZ IM INSECURE N SAD N KIND OF LIK THE EQUIVALENT TO A JELO GELATIN . BUT i luv u all n i need hugs cuz this mdma made meh throw up after seeing a musician at SOBS play the flute . im sad af but at least i took slutty pix in applebeezz N made a bonfire after asking strangerzz 4 they fire starter with puppydogeyezz n a pudding cup.!!:3

luv u

rennyxcx [ like charli but renny bc im obsessed n my hyperfixation on unlock it by charlixcx has been an autistic obsession the last 4 months also with soundcloud . DUH ]

[troglobite]

late night “staring into a bathroom mirror while i take care of my hives and brush my teeth” thoughts

fatness is basically a disability under the social model of disability but not the medical one

i’m sure something like that has been said or posited before, but i am a lowly piece of shit who has not Done My Reading on everything, so y’know

also thinking a lot abt how ppl talk abt fatness around me

how i didn’t worry abt being fat until my mom projected her insecurities onto me and then being anxious and terrible at socializing i picked them up even more

and also when kids harassed me for being fat and ugly all the time 

and how my thin friend in france who’s back w her abusive ex and didn’t tell me and won’t have a normal conversation w me and who i can barely stand to talk to anymore so i’m just. Avoiding That. bc we’d go months without talking for years before this and it only changed bc of her abusive ex.

ANYWAY 

her

when we were in middle school she’d insist i wasn’t fat

bc that’s a Bad Thing, right? and she can’t admit that her best friend has something Wrong With Them! that’d be terrible!

and now she’s obsessed w fitness and feels bad for eating “too many” carbs when clearly her body handles them just fucking fine and she LOVES food and is so passionate

and she tries so carefully to not say fatphobic things in front of me about how much she eats, but the fact that she’s self-conscious abt it at all belies the fact that she is deeply fatphobic

not in a cruel way. in a truly phobic way. 

i’ve said this before but she went on her daily runs while so sick she could barely function. 

ANYWAY.

point being.

i need people to not spout fatphobic bullshit around me about themselves.

it’s part and parcel with the whole thing of “stop saying self-deprecating shit about yourself. you’re making someone who loves you forced into the position of Disagreeing With You or Insulting You, neither of which they want to do. it’s mean.” and also “stop insulting famous people for physical attributes, bc they’ll almost certainly never see it but all of your friends with those physical attributes WILL see it and be hurt by it.”

same thing

eradicate fatphobia from your life as much as fucking possible

food is not a disease

eating is not a disease

being fat is not a disease

and for the record, diseases ARE NOT A MORAL FAILING.

SO EVEN IF THEY ARE (WHICH THEY FUCKING AREN’T) THAT WOULD BE FINE

fatness is not a moral failing

it is not a failure that needs to be fixed

it is not a bad or ugly thing

it just IS

some people are just fat! everyone’s weight fluctuates ALL THE TIME! it’s NORMAL and FINE!

and fat people apparently live longer when we don’t have doctors trying to kill and starve us or missing severe medical issues bc they just kept recommending diet and exercise

restricting your food intake and what types of food you eat will basically never help your health. ever.

adding in extra foods that your body needs WILL help.

allowing yourself to enjoy foods without guilt WILL help. 

even i, master of being Too Autistic to commit to highly disordered eating and Incapable of ignoring what my body wants re: food and most other things, will occasionally feel that sinking pit of fear and despair of eating the “wrong” thing and how they’ll “add up” and having to reassure myself that i also eat “good” foods.

our society is fucked up and evil and makes NOT feeling that way Very Fucking Difficult. 

but it sucks ass so do your best to counter that bullshit

you deserve to eat food

food is nourishment for your body, mind, heart, and soul. food is cultural. food can be soothing and fulfilling. we quite literally NEED IT TO LIVE.

starvation is never the answer, never the solution. it should never be inflicted upon ANYBODY. EVER. self-imposed or by the inaction and cruelty of the system.

doing it to yourself makes sense in our fucked up shitty evil society. but it won’t help you accomplish what you actually want, which is to feel better and be accepted and loved.

idk how many fat ppl we need to see in wonderful healthy loving relationships before we all believe and accept for ourselves and others that fat people are attractive and worthy of love and relationships.

lizzo and mary lambert are two ppl who i LOVE for this. lizzo was so cute and cagey abt her relationship but now she’s like “no yeah he’s the gemini i keep singing abt lololololol” and it’s ADORABLE. her man is Handsome and sounds sweet af based on her documentary. she’s such a fucking sweetheart and SHE’S HOT AS HELL.

SHE’S POWERFUL AND LOVING AND SWEET AND GOOFY AND HARDWORKING AND TALENTED AND HOT AS FUCKING HELL. BITCH!

and mary lambert is the same, just quiet and different and she has her own wonderful partner and they got married and i’m just!!!! I’M JUST!!!!!! THEY’RE SO SWEET!!!!!!!

fatness doesn’t preclude you from worthiness or love or health or joy or anything.

it’s v much the thing someone was talking abt on twitter

“i used to say i was estranged from my dad bc i’m gay.

now i say that i’m estranged from him bc he’s homophobic.

the reframing has helped.”

ppl do not miss opportunities bc they are fat. they miss them bc other ppl are fatphobic. 

there is nothing wrong w being fat. there is nothing wrong w me for being fat. there is nothing wrong w YOU, whoever is reading this (if anyone at all) for being fat.

BE FAT! IT’S FINE! IT’S BETTER THAN FINE--IT’S GREAT!!!!

it’s just wild bc like my mom has a couple health things rn and so do i, and they are being exacerbated by the weight we’ve gained.

but you wanna know how much that is?

like 10-15 pounds. max. for each of us. 

now THAT is a sustainable abt to lose and keep off--and it’s not to be thin. it’s not bc being thin will magically fix all health problems.

but it’s bc those are pounds that are above what our bodies treat as our natural set point weight.

i hit mine before the pandemic and the sheer VOLUME of stress from grad school and the pandemic has made me gain weight and has also triggered the start and flare up of health issues i didn’t even know that i had. which is scary and awful. and part of it is living in this fucking house bc our allergies were NOT made to live in a fucking fertile valley surrounded by farms. 

point being.

being fat was not a problem for either of us. 

those extra few pounds are from a source outside of what is considered Normal, and are just slightly above what our bodies like to sit at for weight. and the difference in what our bodies prefer is what’s causing issues, not being fat.

the same would be true if we were underweight. 

and i’m just. so fucking tired. of seeing ppl i love hate themselves for something that

1. isn’t an actual problem

2. isn’t a failure

3. isn’t a medical risk

4. is a normal human variation

right now my body has a few aches & pains & difficulties that it wouldn’t have if i was 10-15 pounds lighter and had more muscle mass. 

//shrug

okay. 

i’d still be fat, though. and that wouldn’t be a problem.

being fat can be a lot on a body if it’s above your natural set weight--which again isn’t fully stabilized until LATE into your 20s or even later, afaik--and being significantly UNDER your natural set weight is EQUALLY as bad (if not more in my opinion and based on what i know)

it’s okay to complain abt aches and pains. it’s okay to verbalize struggling w the social issues surrounding being fat. that’s commiseration. that’s dealing w bigotry, personal and systemic. that’s okay.

the solution is never to get thinner, tbh. it won’t solve anything. it causes new problems. 

it reinforces the fatphobia and self-hatred

bc if you can’t maintain it

if you suffer for it

you’ll just ignore all the warning signs of serious health problems

you’ll do ANYTHING to be thin

not healthy, not happy, not safe, not loved

thin

thinness is not a magic pill that fixes everything in your life

it doesn’t make ppl more attractive, or happier, or healthier, or anything.

it can make some bigots treat you better.

but i personally don’t want anything from anyone who would only give it to me under certain conditions (within reason, we live under late stage capitalism and we all need money to live and eat, etc.)

why would i want to change anything abt myself to get the love and affection or acceptance of ppl who wouldn’t accept me As I Am? or under Any conditions?

ppl who will only accept you under their specifications don’t actually accept you.

it’s a hollow and meaningless “victory”

and it’s really fucking late and i should’ve been asleep two hours ago.

i’m tired. i’ve had a headache. a sinus headache that made my eye feel like i’d been punched. my MCAS is truly acting out. my hives are intolerable. the sweating is intolerable. i am tired and headachey and i have Shit To Do. i am constantly dealing w stress that is impossible for me to manage. i am perpetually at my breaking point.

but being fat is not one of the things that’s breaking me. it’s not the root problem. 

if i think a bad thing abt my fat body and how i’ve gotten a very significant belly over the pandemic--

it’s not my body or being fat.

the bad thing is the ppl who made me feel terrible for being fat. 

i could go on.

i feel like trash right now.

but when that happens i really have to hammer it home to myself and anyone who will listen.

my problems with my body are so far beyond whether or not i’m fat. that doesn’t matter. my body is what it is and i will try and take care of it no matter what. 

but also it’s a rat bastard who has to fucking COOL IT with the hives and sweating. lol 

anyway. body neutrality. you are your body. i am my body. they are not separate. you cannot punish your body into fitting a shitty little mold that the world’s Worst Fucking Society created. you cannot punish yourself or your body into experiencing happiness. you will only teach it self-loathing and fear and dissatisfaction. 

the ‘you’ is just as much directed at myself as some hypothetical or general you. 

sometimes i’m autistic and annoying and just have to ramble. sometimes i have a lot of thoughts and feelings. sometimes i want to fucking scream at the world and make it disappear so i can rebuild it better and give power to the people who need and deserve it, so that things can be communal and happy and Good. 

and sometimes me rambling like this is my pathetic tiny futile attempt to make things better.

i just now am thinking abt the volume of student papers where i left comments addressing their blatant misinformation and fatphobia. all i can hope is that i made enough of an impression that it lives in their mind, now, and hopefully has shaped how they treat themselves and others. 

i’m tired of ppl hating themselves for being fat. i’m tired of them doing it at all, feeling that way, and also saying it in front of me--as though i’m not fat or can’t be hurt by their words.

even my mom has stopped. she makes some comments abt being insecure sometimes. but truly i GENUINELY think lizzo--who she legitimately calls her hero, and i think/know it’s true, and it SHOULD be!--has seriously helped her. 

it’s not like my mom has led an empty life. and she’s been fat the whole time. and lizzo is this fucking amazing reminder that being fat is just that--being fat. that’s it. 

it really makes me happy to think abt how much better my mom has gotten abt this stuff. how angry she gets w me abt fatphobic bullshit. we don’t talk abt our weights in a negative way anymore, and we hold space for when we feel shitty abt it, too. 

we can talk abt efforts to lose weight and know that we mean 10-15 pounds bc it will help us feel physically comfortable, and those efforts will also help w a few health things we have going on. 

it’s just. i’m happy abt that. 

i wish that for everyone.

i just wish i could stop everyone’s pain around this sort of thing. it’s so hard to undo. and it’s so insidious. 

GOD I NEED TO FUCKING SLEEP IT’S FUCKING 5 AM ALKSDF ASDLSDJFLASKDFJ

[3416]

k but it is so hard to exist when youre not skinny i swear i

[earthangel]

i remember how years ago i wasn’t able to look at the mirror when i had to take a shower and nowadays i can’t take my eyes off the woman i see... she has red stretch marks on her hips, soft plump arms and belly and the loveliest round chubby face... she’s breathtaking and i’m so in love w her...

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz