#in sk*m italia one of the boys referred to a girl as fatty and it just reminded me that
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k but it is so hard to exist when youre not skinny i swear i
#LIKE. sometimes im. jsutjkd violently reminded of how im viewed and it just fucking sucks#the cycle of self hatred and inability to jsjfjd love myself sucks so MUCH i dont know what to do#like idk i just think esp in media its not talked abt enough#like ive lived most of my life without getting to see a fat woman be the serious role of smth no joke#dumplin and shrill and mmfd were some of the first things i ever rlly connected with bc of that#and two of those are extremely recent#its liek . idk but im so tired of feeling like i never get to see myself#like i really never have and never do and it sucks#ive been reminded of it multiple times today and i always wonder if ppl who are straight size even consider shit sometiems#like probably not i guess thats not their problem but#in sk*m italia one of the boys referred to a girl as fatty and it just reminded me that#everywhere you go thats gonna be the first thing ppl think abt when they see you#like i cant even just EXIST and not feel judged#even by my own god damn self#im really having a hard time with it recently like idk i just#in euphoria today they called this girl who's not even fat 'the fat one' and its like#yeah i guess the way guys degrade girls is realistic but its so . fhfkin hard to constantly hear#like she wasnt even fat so ! what am i !!! i guess#i live in fear of everythign bc of how i look but i dont. feel like theres a way out of it all#i dont even know what to do or why it hit me so hard today but im really tired yall!!! of everything !!!#even me just saying this... i feel like ive become less of a person somehow like#by acknowledging my own self im becomin more worthless and thats so fucked up but im at a loss for what to do
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