#idk. don't take any of this too seriously
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Dear Dr Meshi, any post ending updates on Toshiro and his brothers' quests? Like the youngest brother seems happy and well adjusted so I figured he'd be the best leader. While middle brother (judging from the extra) seems like an incel who shouldn't be in charge of anyone, much less any pretty women. Which is probably why his party has none. For all their faults, "the master" knew better than to leave him alone with any women.
Well... that sure is some harsh wording based on not much?
I can check what the AB says about him at the end but's machine translated
Guess he became the head of the family?
Now about the middle brother I think you might be taking a gag way too seriously
it IS unusual that Shuro has a bunch of sexy ninjas around him with miniskirts and cleavage showing, look at how Hien and Benichidori dress, he's living the "harem party" shounen fantasy and the gag is that his brother wishes that were him (who wouldn't). He's not the only to be used for that joke, in one of the What If extras Chilchuck does the same thing, unless you think Chilchuck is an incel too.
That's not incel behavior that's just normal toxic masculinity/misogyny, I think people use the term incel for things that don't really fit, being an incel is 10x worse than the usual toxic masculinity (which is already pretty bad) look up what being an incel actually is I'm not getting in that subject.
Anyway, I don't think their dad cares about their female servants at all if you ask me, if anything he probably filled his party with the sexy girls cause Shuro is considered "drab" and "shy" and maybe he thought he would "get some" or idk, that's how I read that trash guy. (As usual, reminder that Maizuru was 15 when Toshiro was born, she had to care for her Master's children while having an affair with him)
Plus it's not like Toshiro is a great team leader for the girls, they literally tear up over a little bit of gratitude, he mostly ignores them.
As you might know I'm not the biggest Nakamoto fan so forgive me if I sounded harsh. I do think Toshiro has room to grow as a proper leader for his family, all dungeon meshi characters are flawed.
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2. "are you trying to distract me on purpose?"
3."you’re lucky you’re cute, or i’d be mad right now."
—you're working from home & well ur bf is bored becausehe has ntg to do.
Vernon or Joshua or both(poly if u're comfortable with that)
**reader has glasses (pls)
omg this is kinda cute... I've never written poly before so this is a first for me too!! hopefully I did okay! thank you for requesting this, lovely!!! 🤍
a/n: i tried to do some research to learn more about poly relationships to hopefully have that dynamic right? i apologise if its inaccurate (you can let me know if i did so i can learn!!) this is my first time attempting a poly fic so please go easy on me 🙂↕️
warnings: poly relationship!! don't read if you're uncomfortable with it!!
wc: 2.3k sorry idk what happened 🥲
request your own: full prompt list!
check out my masterlist! // shua's m.list || hansol's m.list
suggestive prompt #2: are you trying to distract me on purpose?" +
suggestive prompt #3: "you're lucky you're cute, or I'd be mad right now."
it was supposed to be a quiet day. you had a mountain of work piled up, and the only thing you really wanted was to get through it without any distractions. but of course, hansol and joshua had other plans.
"babe," hansol called from the living room, his voice playful and a little too eager. you glanced up from your laptop, catching him peeking around the corner with a mischievous grin. "you need a break?"
"i’m good," you said, turning your attention back to the screen, but not without noticing how joshua was lounging on the couch with a lazy smirk, clearly bored out of his mind.
"are you sure?" joshua added, stretching his arms above his head. "you've been working non-stop."
"yeah, you should take it easy," hansol chimed in again, walking a little closer to where you sat at the desk.
"i’m fine," you said, your voice steady as you clicked through your work. but something about their energy told you this was only the beginning. "just let me finish, okay?"
they exchanged a look, one that clearly meant trouble. "we were thinking," joshua started, "since we cancelled our bowling plans to spend the day with you..." he trailed off, eyes glinting with amusement.
"yeah, we had to come up with something fun to do instead," hansol added, a sly grin tugging at his lips. "so... how about a little bet?"
you raised an eyebrow. "a bet?"
"yeah," hansol said, leaning against the doorway, "whoever gets you to crack first wins. and the winner... gets to be the first one to have you." he gave you a look that sent a shiver down your spine.
"real funny," you chuckled, but there was something in your chest that fluttered at the thought; you can't deny the way your stomach twisted in excitement.
"we’re just trying to have some fun," joshua said with a wink. "so, what do you say? are you up for it?"
you bit your lip, pretending to think for a moment before glancing at them both. "you can give it a go if you're that confident, but you’re both going to be disappointed when i get all this work done and don’t give either of you the time of day."
they just grinned at you, ready to prove you wrong.
attempt #1—hansol
a few minutes passed, and you were back in the zone, typing away at your laptop when you felt a familiar presence beside you. hansol’s breath fanned across your ear as he leaned in close. "you know," he whispered softly, "i'd have better restraints if you didn’t look so cute right now."
you rolled your eyes but couldn’t suppress a smile. "seriously? that's what you're going with? a pick up line?" you huffed, "you’re lucky you're cute, or i’d be mad right now," you muttered, feeling his presence too distracting.
"i'll take that as a win," hansol said, voice thick with amusement as his hand brushed lightly across your shoulder. "just saying, you’d probably work better if i gave you a kiss for good luck."
you felt his lips hover near your cheek, and despite yourself, you tilted your head slightly. "stop it, hansol," you warned, but your tone was anything but firm.
hansol leaned in and pressed a light kiss to your cheek, just as he’d promised, before lingering there, his lips soft against your skin. his hand found its way to your waist, slipping under your shirt slightly to rest there as he murmured into your ear, "now, that was good luck, don’t you think?"
attempt #2—joshua
joshua appeared out of nowhere, slipping into the chair beside you, his knee brushing against yours. you glanced over at him, only to find him wearing that impossibly charming smile. "you’re working really hard," he murmured, placing a hand on your leg as he leaned closer. "why don't you just let us take care of you? soothe than tension?"
his fingers danced across your leg for just a moment before you shook your head, trying to ignore the way his touch sent warmth rushing through you. "joshua, please. i'm busy."
"ah, but you’re so cute when you’re trying so hard to ignore me," he teased, leaning in to kiss your temple. you let out a soft sigh, resisting the pull of his lips, "cut it out, shua."
he placed a hand on your thigh and slid it up, his thumb tracing circles on your skin. "don’t you want to spend time with me?"
you shifted in your seat, trying to focus on your screen, but the way joshua's hand stayed on your leg was enough to make you lose track of your thoughts.
attempt #3—hansol again
you were getting a little more frustrated now. your concentration was slipping, and your work was piling up. just as you were about to type something out, hansol was back. he dropped onto the couch beside you, his body a mere inch away from yours. he casually draped his arm over the back of your chair, leaning his head against yours.
"you’ve got this look on your face," hansol said, his voice a teasing whisper. "it’s like you want me to kiss you, but you’re too focused to admit it."
"oh my god," you muttered in playful disbelief, not sure if you were more frustrated with the work or with him.
"you don’t have to pretend," he continued, eyes twinkling mischievously. "i know what you're thinking."
you could feel his breath on your skin, and it was getting harder to focus. your hand, which had been hovering over the keyboard, finally fell into your lap as you exhaled. "i’m trying to work, baby. please."
hansol turned you to face him fully, he leans in close & ignores the way his heart flutters, instead, his gaze focuses on your glasses. with a teasing smile, he gently slid them off your face, setting them aside. his fingers lingered on your temple, tracing the edge of your skin where the glasses had been.
"you look even better without these," he murmured, his voice rich with desire. he tilted your chin up, his lips brushing yours as he smiles & whispers, "just you and me now."
attempt #4—joshua again
at this point, it was getting ridiculous. joshua wasn’t even trying to be subtle anymore. he slowly slid off the couch and stood right behind you, one hand resting on the back of your chair while the other slid into your hair. he ran his fingers gently through the strands, sending a shiver down your spine.
joshua's hands rested gently on your waist, his fingers brushing the edge of your tank top. he leaned in closer, his lips grazing your earlobe as his breath warmed your skin. "you’re so beautiful," he murmured, the words sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. his hands slid slowly under your tank top, but instead of pulling it up, he traced patterns on your skin, teasing you with every movement.
you couldn’t help but smile at his light touch, the way he was taking his time, savoring the moment. "you’re being mean," you teased, glancing up at him.
"am i?" joshua grinned, his lips curling up in mischief. "maybe i’m just enjoying how you react." he kept his hands in place, gently caressing your sides before his thumbs brushed over the small of your back, sending a ripple of warmth through you.
you laughed softly, squirming slightly under his touch. "you know you’re not supposed to tease me like this, right?"
he leaned in, his lips just inches from yours. "i’m not teasing," he whispered, his voice low and filled with affection. "i just want you to know how much i adore you." then, with a quick, playful peck on your lips, he pulled away, keeping you close but just out of reach, enjoying the moment of sweet, teasing tension.
attempt #5—the win
you were barely holding it together when hansol returned for one final attempt. this time, he didn’t even sit beside you. instead, he stood behind you, his chest pressing into your back as he wrapped his arms around your waist. you tried to stay focused, but when his lips brushed your neck, your resolve finally crumbled.
"are you trying to distract me on purpose?" you finally asked, breathless and frustrated. your face flushed, your work completely forgotten as you turned to face him.
"oh, i've been trying, trust me," he said, his voice low and teasing. "i just want your attention so bad."
without waiting for a response, hansol takes matters into his own hands, kissing you fiercely, pulling you into a heated make-out session. his lips were insistent, his tongue sliding against yours as his hands roamed to your back, pulling you closer. you melted into him, feeling the heat of his body pressing against yours, his kisses growing deeper as he claimed you. your hands gripped his shirt, desperate to pull him even closer.
hansol's hands traced the curve of your shoulders, his fingers light but firm as they grazed over your skin, sending shivers down your spine. his breath was warm against your neck, his lips brushing softly against the sensitive skin there. you couldn’t suppress a quiet gasp as his lips pressed a gentle kiss to the base of your neck, before he pulled back, his breath tickling your skin.
"you feel so good," he whispered, voice husky, his hands sliding down your arms to your waist. he drew you closer, his body pressing against yours as his lips returned to your neck, this time with more urgency. his kisses were slow but deliberate, each one more intense than the last, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.
you tilted your head back, offering him more access as his lips moved to your shoulder, nipping at the soft skin there. his hands roamed, one moving to the small of your back, pulling you closer, the other tracing the curve of your hip, fingers brushing the edges of your shirt. the heat of his touch made your heart race, and you could feel your body responding to him, every inch of you craving more.
his breath grew heavier, a low murmur escaping his lips as he kissed your shoulder, his hands moving upward, sliding under the fabric of your shirt to feel the warmth of your skin. "can’t get enough of you," he murmured, his lips trailing further up to your jawline, his hands gently guiding you back against him.
you could hardly breathe, his touch overwhelming, consuming. but you didn’t want him to stop—how could you?
just as you were about to pull him closer, a voice broke through the haze of your senses. "you two are really going at it, huh?" the sudden interruption made both of you freeze, and you pulled away from hansol, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
joshua stood a few feet away, leaning casually against the table, a knowing smirk on his lips. his presence was warm, but there was an underlying tease in his eyes that made you feel a little exposed.
with a small laugh & his tone playful, he says to hansol, "can’t leave her alone for even a minute, can you?" his eyes flicked over to you, soft and affectionate, offering a little reassurance.
hansol gave a small shrug & smiles, the irritation from being interrupted fading away quickly, “just wanted to kiss her,”
joshua's hand move to gently brush against your arm. his eyes met yours, offering that same warmth, and you felt a wave of calm wash over you.
with a playful grin, joshua leaned in, his lips brushing yours softly, tenderly at first. you melted into the kiss, his hand moving to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss with a slow, deliberate pressure. his tongue slid against yours, the kiss growing more heated as he pulled you closer, just like hansol had. the mixture of their touches, their warmth, made your head spin in the best way, and you found yourself craving more from both of them.
joshua's lips moved to your neck, his soft kisses following the same path that hansol had begun. but there was something different in his touch—gentler, more tender, as though he was savoring every moment. his hand slid down to your waist, picking you up with ease as he walks over to the bed.
he guides you closer as his lips brushed along your skin, leaving behind a trail of soft, lingering kisses. "you’re so beautiful," he murmured against your skin, his voice husky with desire.
you couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped you at the feeling of both their touches. they were so different, yet so in sync with each other, as if they were sharing the same unspoken understanding of what you needed. with both of them so close, the heat between you all was undeniable, and you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning in, pressing your lips against joshua’s once more, the kiss deepening in response to the heat between you.
as their kisses and touches intertwined, you felt like you were floating, caught between both of them, in a whirlwind of passion and affection.
“so who won?” joshua mumbled against your lips.
“im pretty sure i did,” hansol answers as his smug smile returns. he looks over at joshua, who was smirking back at him. joshua slowly releases his hold on your neck and pulls away.
you tug on hansol's arm, resting him against the headboard as you move to climb on top of him; trapping him beneath you.
“wanna tell me again how good i feel?” you ask as you lean down; closer, your hands run through his soft brown hair as his hands come up to your waist.
“fuck yes,” he mutters, his eyes darkening even more as he feels you move your hips aginst his.
joshua moves to kiss you again, but hansol stops him before he can, “hey I won!” he whines.
“relax,” joshua laughs softly against your lips, “im just kissing her. you can have her first.”
#seventeen#seventeen imagine#svt#svt x reader#seventeen fluff#svt fluff#seventeen x reader#daisymbin: reqs#joshua fanfic#joshua imagine#joshua x you#joshua x reader#joshua seventeen#seventeen joshua#vernon imagines#vernon fluff#vernon fanfic#vernon seventeen#seventeen vernon#vernon x you#vernon x reader#hansol vernon chwe#vernon hansol chwe#vernon#hansol#joshua#joshua hong
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Okay so what if r is Victoria Neuman‘s assistant and there’s a charity that they have to attend. While Victoria is networking, r is getting hit on by some rich old guy and Victoria kinda gets jealous and interrupts them, pretending like she needed r for something important. And idk maybe the hookup in the bathroom or in vicky‘s limousine?
content: jealous victoria, reader is victoria's assistant but they're dating, car sex, short piece, nsfw
Victoria's perfectly placed smile never wavered once even as her grip around your waist felt impossibly tight. She bid goodbye to the people at the party on her way out and you attempted to do the same, before you were quickly whisked away and into her limo.
No sooner had the door shut, tinted windows preventing anyone from looking in, then Victoria was barking out to her driver to go, and slamming a hand to the partion to roll it up.
You gulped, sensing you were in trouble. None of it your fault.
Her mask dropped, dark eyes swirling with anger. "Do you have any idea how pissed off I am right now."
"What did I do?" you asked, even as the spot between your thighs began to grow damp. There was something about a pissed off Victoria that did things to you even though you knew you should be taking her seriously.
"He was almost all over you! If I hadn't stepped in, his hand would have been up your underwear in front of everyone to see!"
Now, she was being ridicolous. He had been standing too close to you, yes, and making inappropriate passes, yes, but he hadn't so much as touched you.
You had been just about to excuse yourself, taking a longer time then usual to rebuff his advances because you couldn't believe he was doing this and because you knew Victoria needed his support for her campaign, when she had swarmed in and made up a fake excuse to drag you here.
You hoped you hadn't prevented her from networking how she needed to. This was supposed to be an important party for her.
"He was not, all over me. I was handling it."
"You should have walked away."
"And ruin what you were planning with him-"
"The campaign can take a small hit. I don't need his support," she hissed out, climbing onto your lap in the darkly lit interior. You could smell the hint of alcohol on her breath but you knew that had nothing to do with her reaction. "I would rather you be safe from his sleazy hands." Her hands wrapped around the back of your neck, pressing her forehead into yours.
"Were you jealous?" you snorted out, surprised by this. "When would I ever go for someone like him when I have someone like you." Your voice softened on this, filled with affection for her.
She doesn't respond for a few seconds before releasing a pent up breath. "Maybe a little bit. He has a lot of money, and power, and-"
You laughed and it startled her into stopping. "Vic, seriously? Him? He's so old his eyebags have eyebags. I don't care if he has more power and money than you. I'm not dating you for that. I'm dating you for you. Because I love your smile, love your personality. And, because I love how you make me feel."
"I simply worry." She sighed, tenderly brushing her nose against yours. "I feel like I don't deserve you."
Victoria often said this, and it worried you to see her so down on herself.
"Don't," you said and leaned in a bit to press your lips to hers. She sighed into the kiss, content. Victoria always came off so confident to you. You never knew she could even be worried about something like this.
As the car drove down the street towards her house, the two of you continued kissing, the movements becoming harder, more passionate as arousal began to fan in your stomach. Mouths opened, breathing became heavier, and Victoria hummed into your touch.
You wanted to reassure her in other ways that she had nothing to worry about.
She wordlessly sensed this, trailing one hand down in between your bodies and undoing your pants button. With a small pop it was free and she was able to wriggle her fingers past your underwear into your sodden cunt.
You groaned at her touch, looking up at her through fluttering eyelashes. "See, I'm only this wet for you."
Her breath hitched at your words and her fingers curled inside of you, before she began thrusting into you. The angle was tight but that didn't discourage her, as she continued to kiss you and pump into you. Your hips twitched and tried to buck up but her sitting on your lap didn't let you.
Tiny pants and groans left your mouth. She kissed around your jaw, down your neck, nipping and biting, leaving her lipstick smeared everywhere. Your hands grabbed onto her back, needing an anchor as pleasure began to build inside of you.
"Victoria," you groaned out her name and she let her thumb roll over your clit in just the way you liked.
"I've got you," she reassured you, pressing her mouth to your ear and tracing the shell of it with her tongue. You shuddered at the warm and wet sensation, sticky heat flooding her palm.
"Fuck," you cried out, surely loud enough to be heard through the partition, and came all over her palm. Your body went rigid, Victoria pressing kisses to your face to bring you back down.
Catching your breath you looked up at her, smiling softly, and she smiled back at you.
"I only come undone for you like this," you told her, hands lowering to land on her hips, urging her to switch positions with you. She slipped out of you and sat down on the seat, before you slipped down to the floor in front of her, arching your brow as you placed your hands on her knees.
"And I only kneel for you," you added on, before you helped her tug off her pants.
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okay but consider: you can (self)ship two characters just for the angst of it all :)
you're right. that's definitely true.
i just get a bit of imposter syndrome at the thought of shipping a self insert with a character just for the hell of it if i'm not sure of how i actually feel about them, ya know?
but it shouldn't be that deep and i'm absolutely overthinking it haha
#like i know i can do literally whatever i want but still#makes me feel bad and worry i'm not being genuine or something#i do like this character narratively but do i myself like them romantically?#and do i have to like them romantically irl to still write a ship between them and my self insert?#i like the potential between them but knowing how everything ends does make it a little bit difficult to get attached to them as a ship#the tragedy of it all. ya know?#idk. don't take any of this too seriously#i'm just throwing out thoughts into the void here#🌸 asks#🌸 mutuals | koda
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Still some doodles of them :DD
#What's great with tua is that you can make any aus and say that it was one of the canon Timelines#five hargreeves#ofc he is the easiest one for me to draw I can't draw adults to save my life dshjds#Viktor Hargreeves#he deserves to be more violent on screen#allison hargreeves#there is one braincell for all the siblings and she has it most of the time help her#diego hargreeves#ben hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#my art#once again do not take this too seriously it's like half au/half hcs#idk how to explain but for me Five is as 58 as he is 13#He's making the biggest effort to tell his siblings where he goes for once#while bringing a gun of course#Luther and Diego makes me wanna jump off a roof to draw but I love them a lot too#tua#tua fanart#the umbrella academy fanart#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy#hargreeves siblings#the hargreeves#they make me very emotionnal I love them#ghost ben I miss you#I miss you sm n6 Ben#I shouldn't have given Klaus a shirt it was a reflex sorry Klaus#disclaimer I don't draw with references sorry I really try to :'))#they don't have the same faces every two doodles it's normal for now ahah
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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Actually didn't mean for like 2 excerpts and a chapter to all go up on the same night BUT HERE WE ARE
Also I'm going through my wardrobe and I've kept like every pair of jeans I've owned in the last 20 years so I'm having to try on like 15 pairs of jeans (it's all I wear aside from Snag leggings) to see which ones I can keep and which ones I can turf and which ones I can repurpose into shorts
And y'all, why is trying on jeans so hard T.T
#i don't throw any clothes out#like seriously i have clothes here from the 90s that are back in fashion again dsalkfjasd#i know none of you actually need to know this#but i don't use facebook for stuff like this#look idk what it is but repeatedly pulling on and taking off denim and checking to see#if the waist is too tight to stretch out or tight enough to be uncomfortable for 3 days before it's a perfect pair of jeans#is like... actually really tiring#i'm sitting here taking a denim break#i have like 6 things left to try on x.x#pray for me#pray for my giant ass amazonian hips and my lil waist
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you ever scroll past some sort of discourse that you didn't even know existed, and you have to take a second and realize that, while none of us are superior to others, some of us ARE much better at choosing which dumbass hills to die on? because I think sometimes you deserve to go 'huh. at least I'm not getting involved in all that'.
#well idk i'm still wasting time typing this out but that's marginally less embarrassing as an outsider than the people arguing about it#tw abuse mention in tags#so APPARENTLY!!!#enneagram mbti people are complaining about enneagram 7s being predisposed to being manipulative (?)#someone's like 'my sister was a 7w8 and neglects her kids' like jesus christ i don't think her enneagram is why she does that?#saying this as someone who LOOSELY AND UNSERIOUSLY enjoys mbti/zodiac/boxes to put my blorbos into:#these people are just doing the zodiac but for people who think they can armchair diagnose others they dislike with cluster b disorders#like congrats you made it worse and combined it with pseudopsychology to make some hellish ableism amalgamation#and it was already stupid to begin with but man you really took it up to 100#like we do realize that this is all fake. right. this isn't an actual psychological profile.#and taking it seriously has worrying implications? and you cannot judge someone based on anything but their behavior?#like again i get having fun with these things as little categories. my autistic ass loves sorting things into categories.#i will give my blorbos full star charts for 6 hours. yay categories.#but with the caveat that it's unserious and for funsies and not at all an actual representation of any human being?#like when i say 'i'm such a taurus lol' or whatever i'm not actually under the impression that it dictates my actual personality?#it's all confirmation bias anyways. people see what they want out of this kind of thing#like yeah i'm kinda lazy and i like food and self indulgence but. that's probably like half of the. idk. virgo population or whatever too#i think those are just things that most human people enjoy unless you're one of those super ambitious go-getters who never slows down#same goes for every other trait. curiosity? emotion? stubbornness? logic? those are just things that most people have in some capacity
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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man it just really sucks having to go through all the motions and acting like i'm happy and proud of my family members when i'm really, really fucking not. sick of this shit
#my brother has just reached a Big Milestone in the culture which of course just means he's in it deeper.#and he's gonna be pulling other people into it too.#and i gotta put on a face and pretend im proud of him because if i dont it'll just be another Family Heretic Moment from winter#of which there are many already and they don't take any of my opinions or criticisms seriously anymore because im an Outsider now.#in my own goddamn family.#but idk idk just. it sucks having to watch my siblings get deeper into this shit and not be able to do anything to help them#because any attempts i make will be completely disregarded because my opinions about the church are invalid because i left.#HATE this shit man. i cannot fucking wait to get out of here.#i also keep having nightmares that my brother is gonna die while on his mission so that is NOT helping how im feeling about it.#lmfao just fuckin imagine. the ONE member of my family who becomes an atheist ends up having prophetic powers#whatever#winter speaks#personal
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IT'S OKAY I LOVE YOUR RAMBLING sometimes i feel like it's so much, because i love george. i love george and i love picking up his little sentence structures and making his poems telling of how nowhere is good without anyone but if everything is made of the same dust, aren't people somewhere too ? skin can be home too
it's definitely something i come back to on special occasions when he says something so visually flowery i am compelled to write. you'll be the first to know for sure you understand me
I seriously think we could make wonderful black out poetry out of one his rambles Specially the ones were he's like. Explaining things he cares about? by which I mean code family dream patches the visa when it was a struggle I think. I think he just I don't know he clearly like has such a profound word inside and he's so clever and so good with words but obviously he wants first and foremost to entertain but it's like it slips through the cracks it just happens he sometimes just Says Stuff that make me think oh wow I want to pick your brain so bad
#I've. toyed with the idea of taking some of dnf's dialogue and do a bit of like writing around/with them but. I don't know if It'd be#any good and idk if it would be too. invasive??? which. funny becuse I write rpf but also idk. just poetry is such a Thing for me#I get weird around it I guess. Point is I GET U and I seriously can't wait#this is also. one of the reasons I admire good gnf pov writers like eras and aya and tippy (in my opinion some of the best ) articulating#his inner world is complex and when done right it's just perfect#star asks
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Alright tumblr it's been real but I gotta take a break for my own sake, which knowing me could mean for 2 days or 2 months. In any case I'll still be checking tumblr just hopefully a lot less- as per usual don't be shy to @ me if you wanna make sure I see something, and my ask box is always open! And do take care all of you 💜
#idk why I always feel the need to notify people when I'm gonna be away lol I guess I don't want anyone to think I'm ignoring them#but anyways yeah no way I'll be able to keep myself away from tumblr completely but I've been overwhelming myself a lot#once again at a point where fandom is sort of getting in the way of me actually being able to enjoy the podcast too#which isn't anybody's fault just y'know how it is.#which is also why I probably won't be in certain discord servers very much either at least for a bit#this and well socially I often find myself a bit overextended and that can be overwhelming at times#but friendos don't be shy about DMs!#Oh! Clip requests still open btw. Nobody's sent any in haha but for the record they're still open.#ok ok that's it that's it lol seriously though take care folks <3
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What are your thoughts on Jane Boleyn, and the role she supposedly played in the fall of 3 Queens (Anne Boleyn, Anna of Cleves, Katheryn Howard)? Do you think she has been too maligned by historians for centuries, especially when it comes to the relationship with the Boleyns (it seems she got along with Anne)?
Now that I've read both works and compared them side by side, I suppose I would say my stance on Jane Boleyn falls somewhere in between that of Julia Fox and James Taffe ('Somewhere in between' is not, btw, Alison Weir); although closer to the former than the latter. Offering critique of both biographies, I would say that of JF is too apologetic (smoothing out wrinkles that exist in her arguments rather than acknowledging them) and JT is too severe.
Especially when it comes to the relationship with the Boleyns? Yes and no. Obviously she was married to George, she sent him a message of comfort while he was in the Tower, and wore only black the rest of her life, which was quite the potent statement. However, I would allow for the possibility that she potentially, inadvertently implicated him or AB (ie, testimony of hers was twisted to suit the crown's case). This is where I think there are flaws in the arguments of some of her defenders-- they cannot allow for even that possibility and so make claims that disallow it; some of which are untrue. 'Jane was only blamed as a means of absolving Henry in the whitewash of Elizabethan propagandists' is not true. Johannes Sleidan in 1545 claimed that Anne and George died by her 'false accusation'. Sleidan was a Reformer, so he would have been more sympathetic towards the plights of these two than the average person, and would have spoken to others that were as well, but the motivation to vindicate Elizabeth did not yet exist; she was at this point the very unlikely third in line to the throne.
I do appreciate that you said 'got along' with Anne, not 'besties', because...it's possible they were very close, certainly, but we must also allow for the possibility of animosity. The linchpin for the argument of closeness is the report from Chapuys that they 'conspired together' to banish Henry's mistress from court. Was this the precise truth? Considering the source I'm doubtful. Probably there was a lady Henry was serving at this time (although that we never have a name makes the story somewhat suppositious), but did they need to have 'conspired together' against her for Jane to be banished from court (which is what happened instead)? Jane might have merely made Anne aware of her, and Henry finding out that she'd been the source would have been enough for banishment. Or, as was presented plausibly in Adrienne Dillard's fictional rendition, Jane might have dropped hints to Cromwell that this mistress was a supporter of the two exiled and contumacious royal women that were Anne's adversaries, Cromwell might have passed this along to Henry, and Henry might have banished Jane for shattering the illusion that this woman had no independent ambitions or ulterior motives and merely let him hit for the sheer pleasure of his company.
If this was evidence of closeness, and it might be, then we also have to remember that the end result was Jane's banishment from court, and that there is, as JT fairly pointed out, no evidence that any of the Boleyns spoke in her defense, favor, or for her return. It would take an extremely magnanimous person to accept all that with equanimity and not feel any resentment whatsoever. So, if there was intimacy, there might have also been rift.
That leaves the question: enough 'rift' for her to seek vengeance? I doubt that much for all the reasons Fox outlines in her biography, but at the same time I wish there was not this relentless push to only defend women that we assert 'deserve' defense, on the premise they were entirely selfless, accepted every insult with grace, never kept any grudges, never had personal ambitions (the actions she took during the queenships of those you mentioned would suggest otherwise), mixed emotions, or conflicting loyalties; that we could acknowledge that acknowledging the agency of historic women also means acknowledging they were capable of making mistakes.
#anon#it feels like an 'overcorrection' to some degree. if that makes sense?#altho that's generally what ppl say about AB too and i generally think they're wrong lol#'waaah AB apologism waaaaahhh joanna denny wahhhhhhhhhhhh h/ayley nolan'#bitch. no one serious is taking those seriously. if joanna denny was the definitive AB bio that would be one thing#the definitive is eric ives who oh no said in his personal opinion that his favorite was more attractive in personality and appearance#than the other...oh my god that is the worst thing anyone has every said in the HISTORY OF TIME#are y'all this sensitive in real life bcus fr.#how do you bitches SURVIVE..................#anyway what i was initially going to say after coming back to this:#*ever#like the way this figure is used to have it both ways really bothers...me?#i think there's some ambiguity here but like#i read someone claim that JS must have been 'so sweet' bcus otherwise JB would not have been her lady in waiting....#which is like. be fr? if JB loved george and anne she would have hated her lol#or at the very least have been uneasy in her presence (there's a great scene with this in adrienne's sequel btw)#but like...idk man. ppl just don't seem to get how humans worked? or have any sort of emotional; media; literal; literacy?#this was my thing with BSR too 'how dare THEY say henry NEVER loved coa how dare THEY say jane was to blame for anne's miscarriage'#like right...were 'they' saying that or was anne? or was that what anne believed? was the show perhaps from her (gasp) POV and so#these things were portrayed? i mean ffs.... by our literal primary sources those were the things she said.#someone's emotions and beliefs /= infallible unassailable entire truths#nor are they necessarily 'fair' and the same with our judgements. welcome to being a human being#so yeah like re: JB....#*that she felt like that? was it entirely fair to blame and resent the seymours?#is that necessarily fair? no. how much she did or didn't was probably dependent on how accurate chapuys report was about JS#the extent to which she had disparaged anne#as for the why as JF theorized ; the need of income and the possibility that since cromwell had helped her with income#this was the favor he wanted in return (so her as a spy in the household)#and re: conflicting loyalties ; i mean ...goddamn; people are complex#i think it's entirely possible that JB loved anne but also had this innate sympathy for coa and mary too.
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I am pissed.
#At a Lot of things in rl#At people around me#At a lot of fact#AT MYSELF#then at fandom stuff too (I blocked. Without even thinking but it still frustrates me)#Just So MANY things and more mainly at the fact#I don't even know if my anger si valid (it isn't. I KNOW I shouldn't take this stuff seriously because they've internalised it for AGES and#being mad at them is not going to change anything. But I just. Idk. I am supposed to be grateful and love them and I DO but I. I just.#THEN I come upon this fucking condescending blog (which doesn't even exist any more but what I saw was some posts from it ig) and it made#My blood boil (it was about~~bad~~ fanfics#Like on one hand yes some fanfics are stupid™(inherently homophobic ones bashing fics etc)#But like. Unless the authors have stated they are comfortable with critiques you don't get to be assholes#Like. Maybe the blog just meant to poke fun and I don't even know if that blog was stupid and BAD and it could just#Be I dislike the tone or something#Which is valid because things don't have to be bad just because I dislike them but. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#And then I just somehow started thinking abt the fact that#Sometimes people mean a lot to me but I don't necessarily mean that much to them#AND THAT'S OKAY.#So it felt kind of entitled of myself to feel upset at that or something#(on the surface level I feel like I know it isn't necessarily that simple#And this whole thought process is nearly bullshit#so I just. I am tired I just want to enjoy things and I want to care about people and show them that I want to form long lasting healthy#Relationships#And I incredibly tired of whining about it on the main but writing it down just feels like I am telling at a fucking wall and it is make me#feel like shit and I can't.#I am learning and unlearning and learning#And ftr I know I can just not engage with opinions which I KNWO will piss me off or make me feel sad#it's on me and I know it but it's also just that#I want to read perspectives contradicting my own and understand people while disagreeing with them#But I guess I haven't reached the mental space to that just yet
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must my brain sound like an edgy incel chronically online gamer that screams slurs into the mic when they lose a Fortnite match -_-
#like whenever I'm#idk ig splitting would be the right term here#every thought just becomes a violent stew of slurs and view points that I don't normally have otherwise#got nothing against fat people but if I'm splitting on one#you best believe my thoughts are gonna revolve around every generic fatphobic insult you've ever heard#even though I literally don't even agree with any of it....#goes for literally anything you can discriminate against too#honestly it feels pretty gross#and gets pretty weird when it's like... demeaning against women... when I'm also...a woman#like good job brain you insulted yourself in the process#I guess these are like intrusive thoughts in a way?#idk the racist ones in particular just feel really gross#like did I REALLY just think that? for real? girl who ARE you#I know not to take it too seriously bc 1. thought crimes aren't real and#2. if the switch hadn't flipped and I wasn't temporarily upset with that individual#I wouldn't think a single discriminatory thing about them. I wouldn't be vehemently insulting them and cussing them out with vitriol#it's just 'oh I hate you now' *cue an endless steam of random swearing and slurs and discrimination and violent feelings of hatred*#and then back to 'oh you're cool I love you again' with a 'what the actual fuck was i just thinking??'#...... I can't believe these are my moral standards of gross#like oh noes I called someone a stupid fat bitch....in my head.... that I don't even agree with 90% of the time#I never say any of this out loud at least. thank the stars I know how to hold my tongue#r.r
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ursa wip. drawing during powerpoints hour. feeling atla-y lately. annoyed at proportions but fuck it we ball, if I try to make it perfect I won't end up making it
#anyways. time for taylor's tags after midnight. always a long ride the size of a oneshot.#guys studying is like. killing me a bit. i'm getting my relaxing time while listening to powerpoints and drawing#or playing sdv on switch#and. hm. it's so annoying. vent incoming#because i'm genuinely working myself into the ground here#but if i don't i simply will not get it done.#i'm so. so incapable of doing things right now focus wise. if i do not spend hours chipping away. it won't get done.#i cannot focus and do it in one sitting or i won't like. eat and sleep#i'm just unable to DO anything. clean. work. read. relax.#i don't feel anything but tired and worried and a weight on my shoulders right now#and any time i step away from my work i just feel guilty because i should be working#also i just have not earned it.#i have not gotten enough work done to warrant relaxing time BECAUSE I CANNOT GET WORK DONE#god. costco needs to get these new meds in#and if they don't work... idk. i cannot keep doing school like this. i might seriously talk about getting a job for a bit.#not dropping out but just... taking a break. i can't do this for much longer. idk.#but hey. the meds may help.#my therapist is. talking to his colleagues about it which is mildly worrying#got adhd so bad he's gathering his coworkers to talk about it ksjdksjdksfhjd#he said it may be memory issues too. idk.#i mean i don't remember a vast majority of my childhood but like. that's kind of a different thing kksdskdskdjskdjskdjs#anyways. good place to stop methinks
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