#idk why this happens but every so often one of my art posts will get eaten and wont show up in my art tag unless i search in a specific way

[chibishortdeath]

Haven’t drawn him in his CV1 era design in a while. I think his neck is a little long lol, but otherwise I’m pretty happy with this doodle :3.

[r0ryy]

hate when I make a post and it doesn't show up in my tags >:(

[fasolabean]

warninggg this is a long one ,,,

(Okay so I started writing this uhhh vent before more posts on the n//fts appeared later so plz keep that in mind hah)

So I haven’t been too active on here for the past month – a bit personal start, but I’ve moved to a different country whooo!!!! (its terrifying) (my brains been involved in fandom stuff as usual but physically I wasn’t lmao).

But I wanted to talk ab the n//ft (censoring bc idk ab bots here) thing bc while some people on here provided some great context and threads, most of the talk has happened on twitter. So like. Since it was first confirmed what the raffle thing was I was veryyyy disappointed, especially bc K has made fun of this very thing on stage previously. And like yea, the nature of what hes doing is different than the n//ft crypt0 scams, since the cost of the paywalled content is set and not fluid and the raffle thing was free to enter, and I know there have been threads about the website not being the worst on twitter (link) (edit: now here on tumblr too). But still man. Both of these could’ve been done on either an independent website or through stuff like youtube members or patreon. Or hell, even just on the merch store? Like buy a promo code that buys you access to the material?

Also like I get that this was probably a contract that would be rly hard if not impossible to terminate. STILL though, I wish we just got an even short thing like “hi sorry I wasn’t aware this is gonna be a one time thing we’re not doing it again”. I don’t mind extra content being paywalled personally, I know some people do, but I just really wish it wasn’t don’t with that technology. And yes, I also now know it’s a safer way to handle shit like that but I just cant see this excuse being used for commercial use? Like maybe I can see why I could be made to use it for like idk an important document, but a raffle ticket? Nah

I also, ugh. Felt weird about mikke in the team since the winter. This whole thing seems to be – at least to a large extent – either done or influenced by him, judging by even the fact that the europass thingy webpage has oy photomikke marked (no im not buying it but i did look around curiosity was stronger). Also the previous thing that had made me go hmmm about käärijä as a brand was the bnb, which now seems to be ran entirely by mikke and his wife. Like stick to your photos man? That being said tho, Jere IS an adult and he IS the face of this brand. If he doesn’t think hes qualified to make business decisions all by himself (which I get, this shit is hard), nothing is stopping him really from getting a professional to help him with those things. And if there IS something stopping him then hey man I think you should go to the press with that lol. From any interviews ive seen or read, you can feel he feels this responsibility to keep his friends and family that initially helped him afloat. But I wish he understood that not letting people who in the end are not professional about business and PR and having them stick to their own thing does not have to mean cutting them off.

But now I just wanna share a thought that to some might seem like me defending him – which, in case you didn’t get I am very much not lmao. The thing is, im really glad the fandom is able to call him out on a shitty thing – like a bad baaad business decision. You can like somebody’s art, hell you can even like the public person they are, while not agreeing with everything what they do. What annoys me though, is that apart of the kä fandom, he is also often talked about (usually negatively) in the wider esc fandom. Over the past week I’ve seen multiple threads on twitter from people that rarely ever mention him about this. That would’ve been like, not that much of a deal (though sometimes it really got… engagement bait-y) but the amount of bodyshaming and shaming of his fans that comes up with every valid criticism is making me wanna pull my hair out.

Especially cause he’s neither the first finnish esc-related artist to do that (Robin and Cyan Kicks are mentioned on the kollekt website) nor is he the first esc artist of his influence to do it either. Last year Loreen and Alessandra have released n//fts last year, and Loreen did a very similar raffle a couple months ago. Now I wanna be very clear: I don’t want this to be like. Cancelling these people, that would be so hypocritical of me. I also don’t want this to be like a fandom war like oh youre mad he did xyz?? Well THIS and THIS person did THAT!!1! I’m just merely annoyed that these people doing essentially the same thing went with no echo at all, but now I’ve seen us (the fandom) be literally called the r slur and the most vile things being said about jere and, for some reason, his appearance???

Idk man. I really try to  make it clear im not trying to excuse his decisions and I think being angry and/or disappointed at him is absolutely understandable. Im just angry that every single time he fucks up, every single time he makes a mistake, my timeline is filled with a wave of people rejoicing in it. I know he’s a controversial figure, he’s been one since day one, but I just wish he’s gotten the same amount of shit his peers do for the same actions? And this happens every time, and each time im like “well ig I can see why hes so bad when it comes to criticism”. Because imagine doing a thing that your peers have done with no/minimal criticism and then the moment you try it out you get people calling your fans slurs and commenting how stupid you are. Like ngl id also think any criticism was hate lmao.

Again I wanna be very VERY clear im very critical ab what he chose to do. I wish he took some responsibility – and hope he maybe does, at some point in the future. This year has been a whole lot of bad business decisions for the käärijä brand in my eyes, and I hope he can actually see where its gone wrong and do something about it, both for his and our sake. I am also happy to see fellow fans who are able to call out their fave. But man I am TIRED of him just getting all the shit (from people who very visibly fans are not)?? And now I have the proof that it is comparably more than other people and not just my bias towards him because wdym there’s been at least 4 esc artists, 2 of which more famous than him, and 2 umk artists doing exactly the same thing with almost no echo??

TLDR (thishasover1kwordsfuckshit); I wish he did better, simply. I kinda cling to some hope that maybe hey finally this time he will see that criticism can be constructive. I think this is still a level of fucking up that you can like, come back from. Pity it’s connected to the eurotour since kinda souring my excitement ab my first concert in a new country a bit :(

[imsiriuslyreading]

i keep seeing people on tumblr saying “if you like harry potter you are a bad person” “anyone who likes harry potter should go to hell” “liking harry potter makes u a transphobe btw” and it really bothers me to be lumped prejudicially like this but also most people making these posts are trans and i’m like ok fair of you to be pissed at j*r but… i just read silly fanfic on the internet and reblog queer af art of characters she spent all but three pages on… i get that the books are rife with the author’s prejudices and bigotry but we literally *fix* all that stuff in fan work…. why do i have to be treated like a literal fascist you won’t even have a convo with me just because ur making a blanket statement? makes my blood boil. i just want to enjoy gay fanfic idk about what the transphobic cunt says… how do you cope with this, if ever?

hello! how are ya?

oh boy do i have thoughts on this.

recently, i've been thinking a lot about this.

there have been a lot of assumptions made without me actually being asked what my thoughts on this are, so I'll jump on this and tell you what I think.

i think queer and trans people, people of colour, along with other 'minority' groups have a lot to be furious with her about. I think she's a despicable excuse for a human and the way she has acted so dangerously to the group of people who needed her stories the most growing up is one of the saddest things to happen in our lifetime.

as a queer arab woman in this space, i often ask myself how do I balance and walk the line of engaging in fandom whilst keeping true to my beliefs and protecting the people in this space. i think it's different for each and every person, but what I know for sure is that if there's one thing JKR hates, it's the queers. its the lgbtqia+ gang.

something I think about a lot is that making this place what it is for us and our trans friends is one of my favourite parts of finding fandom. Being able to facilitate and offer safe spaces for people who are targeted is another.

so i think one of the most fierce and beautiful ways we can and should reclaim this world from her is by being as loud and as proud here as we can. i don't think we should hide in the shadows and skulk around pretending we don't love the parts that she created. i think we should continue doing what we do, and making these works of art of who we are, what we love, and keep writing the stories of ourselves we want to see in the world.

because if not us, then who?

[factual-fantasy]

I haaaasss 27 asks :}

Yes. Yes it does.

Thank you! :DD And yeah canon Gregory is just not my vibe man XD

(Traffic cone in question)

Thank you so much! :DD And yeah I try my best to get up and do something productive/different when I'm feeling down like that. My thought process is "well sitting here and sulking isn't making me feel any better so I should go and do something else" Which just so happened to be breaking out the old sewing kit and making a traffic cone?? XD Well to be fair I've made like 10 of those before but still an odd choice on my part-

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked my cars artwork! :DD

And yeah I would draw cars stuff more often but they're just so hard to draw :(

Idk why they decided to jump into a DLC before fixing the base game, but man I really wish they wouldn't have. 😔

I'll do my best! :D

@tallchest13-blog

Yes :} or at least I've been trying to-

Thank you so much! And I did use a pattern to make him. Credit for the patten goes to Tammy Hallam, heres her video on how to make your own too! :}

@montygatorshusband

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD

As for Glamrock Bonnie,, ehh, its a bit odd to me. Not a huge fan of the color pallet but its not the worst I've seen. I'd give it a 5.5 outa 10

ALSO! I believe Octonauts is streaming on Netflix, but I've also had some luck finding full episodes on YouTube :0

Thank you! And oh yeah, I feel you on the fandom part. XD That's why I'm still kind'a on the fence and haven't dove head first into my usual angsty stuff. I'm kind'a testing the waters with every post I make to see if I'll collide with the uh, other side of the fandom :x

Thank you! :DDD

Also Google is a search engine. :0 If you search for Octonauts fanart, its gonna do its job and search for fanart and likely find some of the stuff I made. Notice though that all of my artwork shown on Google links directly back to my blog. Its because Google isn't stealing it, its parting the branches of a bush and pointing "Look! Over there is some Octonauts fanart like you requested!" XD

@pinkbomb08

There isn't really anything Gregory can do for Bonnie..

Its hard to explain,, but I'll try. Bonnie is missing his leg from the middle of his shin down. So he cant stand up right like Foxy because- well duh, he's missing a whole foot.

So order to fix Bonnies leg so he can stand/walk like Foxy does, he would need an entire replacement foot with a working joint. This would also mean that the wires in Bonnies legs would have to be replaced and hooked up so that he can control said new foot.

Currently there are no spare parts around that fit Bonnies model.. and even if they did, Gregory wouldn't know how to properly re-wire an animatronic foot. He's smart but not THAT smart <XDD

The only thing Gregory could do is make Bonnie a weird peg leg that makes his current leg longer. Currently Bonnies half leg is shorter than his good leg. But in all honesty Bonnie doesn't really want that.

Having Gregory ducttape this weird goofy peg leg to him would be more embarrassing then what he already has. He'd probably want to salvage what ever dignity he has left and say "ah give it a rest. There's no point. My legs good enough for what its for." <:/

@taizarack

If I remember correctly... Sometime ago my tablet pen broke. And it took like 2-3 weeks for a new one to arrive. In the mean time I tried to make an art doll of sorts. That doll was Bibi!

I ended up making a lot of goofy posts with Bibi and I as I waited for my pen to arrive. Once it finally did and I went back to drawing comics, I ended making Bibi a reoccurring character. And he's been around ever since!

Now Jangles is a Halloween prop that I bought because I thought it was funny. I was practicing making quilts one time and I made a small blue one that just so happened to be the right size for him. So I put it on and then I thiiink I got the idea to add Jangles to my blog as a joke.? I gave Bibi a "new friend" to celebrate hitting 10,000 followers. The new friend was a cropped png of jangles XD

Eventually down the line I wanted to give Bibi an proper friend. So for Bibi's birthday I drew a comic where Jangles came to life and here we are XD

@pinkbomb08

Currently I am getting none of those things :x I have a cold so sleep and food is hard :( Thank you though! :D

@notsoliyah

:D AW!! Thank you! I'm so glad to hear how I've inspired you! :}}

@ur0neand0nly

XD Thank you so much! And don't worry, I'm pretty confident I'll draw him again someday

XD Thank you. To be honest I'm kind'a going back and fourth on this fandom. I don't really wanna be apart of the fandom, but the characters are the only thing I'm interested in drawing atm soo-

@ardent-38

Ooo these are interesting! Although absorbing power ups isn't about digesting them. Its something about being human specifically that allows them to absorb the powerups.. 👀👀👀

@maddiethehatter2192

My advice would be to use references religiously. That's what I did!

Also thank you! :DD

Barnaby for sure.

Well, my interpretation of him really-

@taizarack (Post in question)

@funky-frankie

No there's no SpongeBob comic, I just felt like drawing Mr. Krabs XD

Also THANK YOU!! :DD That means so much!! :}}}

@elegysonnet

<XD thank you. So far I have some pretty basic ones I imagine. Wally's house is alive and evil, Julie is actually a scary monster but has drastically altered her appearance to look less scary.. Sally is very celestial in nature because she's a real star, Eddie used to be a real human and bleeds and has a heart beat and what not.. uuuuuuh what elseeee,,, I liked to imagine that Sally and Julie came to the neighborhood when they were really young and Poppy kind'a adopted them?? Although I don't know how wide spread that idea is XD

Thank you! And yeah I'm not very fond of that portrayal either <XD As for your questions..

1: I'm sure there would be somethings that would push his anxiety to the surface. I'm not sure what they'd be but still- I imagine if Luigi was around to see it he would try to get Mario out of what ever situation he's in. If he's in a crowd he'd try to help him slip away unnoticed.

2: I'm not familiar with the giga bell, but if I did add it I'd imagine those would be the side effects yeah <XD Really sore and tired and cant really move for like 3 days :x

Remodeled or not, I wont be adding any of those animatronics to the Pizzaplex. I already wrote the entire past of this timeline, and those bots all already have a story in my AU. And with their given stories it wouldn't make sense for them to be added to the Pizzaplex.

Of course I cant spoil what those stories are, just know that I have my reasons-

Oh yeah I forgot to add the colored eye lids to Wally and Barnaby in that trampoline drawing <XD

And yeah! I wanted Wally to be much more expressive so I gave him eyebrows-

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson

Aw, thank you so much!! Its so cool to hear that you've shared my name with your friends!! :DD

[metaldevilll]

viv and palp both being down bad as hell. that’s the post.

and like…. the stupidity that comes with it….. they say or do things in the heat of the moment and then they’re like wait no. like palp catches himself staring and he’s just like “you’re so fuckin ugly” and viv is like what the hell

or like….. one of them watching the other, just completely fuckin enamored, and then something happens that snaps them back out of it- like. palp watching viv fight and viv catches his eye and is like “yo this sucks let’s gtfo” and palpers has to shake his head and like… etch a sketch his brain back into thinking mode instead of Gay mode

viv zoning out and just watching palp do whatever mundane task, palp is talking about whatever and is like “are you even listening” and viv has to be like uhhhh nah. palp is annoyed and viv is flustered cuz he knows why he wasn’t listening, palp doesn’t notice, and then the moment is just gone again….. locked in back to normal

i just really fuckin love the idea of them being so infatuated while also fighting for their lives to pretend they aren’t.. and them just being stupid ass little simps in general. like the drawing of palpers in the dress you made…… viv thinking lgbt thoughts…… genius

i’ll eat any art you make of them like i’m starving so keep it up man they are my lifeblood

no because i get you anon. grabs you by the shoulders and SHAKES YOU!!!!!!!!!!! i think vivilly finds a sad comfort in believing palpers doesn't love him the way he does. like,, it's fine if he thinks gay thoughts cuz it's not like they'll come true anyway. he can dream, right...? so he indulges in those feelings in his own time, while pretending like he only likes palpers as a friend it never strikes him that palpers might feel the same way. he’s thought over different scenarios a million times and while he doesn’t have a response for every silly thing palpers may say, he’s seemingly never caught off guard despite humoring him, kind of playing into the chill sarcastic stoic dude trope. but he’s not. he’s soft and he feels and he loves and the persona is a result of that with palpers i feel like he also does believe that vivilly could never reciprocate. when he looks at vivilly, he never knows what's going on in his brain. they do have their moments that sort of prove they have similar minds, but he never actually knows what vivilly’s thinking imo his brain is empty more often than viv’s is when it comes to thinking of his crush. a sus moment happens and he’s like “holy fuck….” but it’s glossed over almost immediately afterward. things happen in-the-moment for him, and he reacts with his true emotions and has less of a filter than vivilly, he gets louder and more aggressive (not with malicious intent, just in general as a silly guy) essentially they both are going "nah he can't like me... he CANT... THERES NO WAY" and theyre both dead fucking wrong im writing this using how i personally view the characters (my version of the characters? idk), i have a limited perspective and small perception of things (if you played mc with me you’d know…), i misinterpret stuff a lot, so like… idk. maybe it’s totally out of character for how you view them. it’s kind of cool to think about though, that they can be read so many different ways when none of them are inherently incorrect I TOTALLY CAN SEE THEM MINDLESSLY WATCHING THE OTHER ALSO. not caring about what the other might be thinking while looking at them, not noticing the other watching them equally as much… they’re so clueless it’s INFURIATING i like to imagine that when they flirt with each other, it’s always by accident. i can’t imagine them flirting with each other on purpose… like, they’ll be arguing absentmindedly, bickering or maybe laughing about something, one of them says one thing (most likely palpers) that catches the other off guard. they just continue to build off of that and i think the only thing that stops them from going too far is them getting too flustered to continue… they could be like two centimeters away from kissing (and they both want to) but they both back out because they’re about to fuckign explode from emotion “FINE. I’M GONNA- I’M GONNA KISS YOU, BRO.” “OH YEAH??? BE MY FUCKING GUEST, DUDE.” “BET.” “DOUBLE BET.” “T-... TRIPLE BET.” “bro. you gotta get closer than that…” "i know i know, just- give me a second-"

in my opinion the only situation where i can see them ACKSHUALLYYYY confessing is like… the other’s health is in grave danger and it’s a last minute thing where they mihgt fucking lose them so they just tell them everything. viv comes back from a mine or smth on the verge of fucking splurging bleeding out and palpers holds him in his arms and begins sobbing and says i love you please don’t die over and over or something. viv survives but he was half unconscious throughout it so he doesn’t even remember. the pining continues

[zeondraws]

I always wonder why I have been so busy the past months but then I remember all the things I'm doing with SWTD:

(this is more of a thought post about my life/thoughts/feelings than a lore post! Ignore if you are not interested in this, I don't mind)

Taking Screenshots

Multiple recording sessions (for audio or funny moments, and so on)

Multiple playthroughs of the game

Doing an AU for some reason

Drawing the characters (much art)

Also learning how to use procreate, while my big tablet is packed away until November

Working on a video project

Learning how to use OBS

Datamining the gamefiles for more info with fmodel

troubleshooting fmodel because it's showing me the middle finger for the billionth time

learning how to use a dumper to get mappings file (to view files in fmodel)

learning how to install mods and learn how to use them

troubleshooting my pc or laptop because of my silly shenanigans

rebuilding the models in blender while simultaneously watching blender tutorials to understand what the hell I'm doing

read about TCR's other games and play them (I still have to play Little Orpheus)

Trying to research movies or any blogpost/YouTube posts regarding the game

Other types of research that I can't think of right now

Sharing results with others and discuss the findings to figure lore out

confusedscreaming.mp4

????

It has a lot of reasons why I am super determined and stubborn? when it comes to something I'm passionate about. (It's really hard to explain)

Family always dismissed my hobbies and didn't support me much for them. They often gave me false promises and made me wait for nothing

Often treating me like a baby, as if I can't think for myself. I had to fight a lot for my passions the past decade or so. Even dealing with a former coworker who was very manipulative and tried very hard to belittle me.

I can't even explain all the stress I had to endure because of my old job. Constantly monitored for mistakes, constantly shoved to a corner, freedom taken away, bullied, my feelings had been manipulated so much that I just.. had entire months where I cried every single day. And I'm not even kidding, I went to work in fear, I walked home in fear, I woke up in fear. I still remember that evening where I was so afraid of everything. I was so scared to even be in my apartment, I just balled my eyes out because it was too much at that moment.

Only thing that kept me going was my determination, hope.. daydreams. . and seeking out help (therapy, friends) and using the anger I felt for my coworker to work on my art/passions and show myself that I'm not worthless.

Sometimes my coworker would treat me badly on some days, so after I went home I used my anger and sadness to make art. Even if I sat there drawing for 5h. It did help me to improve a ton in my skills.

I think that event made me go through this journey of? self reflection and growth. It's wild how much happened after that.

Family wasn't helpful in this painful time period, one told me I'll end up alone, that I shouldn't talk to people online or that I should be happy to have a job (Talking to family is like talking to a wall). Or another family member who tries so hard to treat me like an object.

It fills me with anger, but they're all I've got. I thankfully have many friends I can go to when needed, but I wouldn't be able to fully abandon my family. It's probably because I felt so down when my mother passed away over two years ago. I haven't talked to her in years because of her mental condition, but her passing hit me badly.

I have struggled for a while to work on other skillsets because I was too afraid, doing videos, blender, drawing humans idk why, maybe no confidence in myself to try it out

.. Suddenly swtd gets released and my head does a 360 and is like "I'm going to learn all of this now, hold my bear". Using my obsession about this game to learn something new, which helped me overcome so many hurdles. Like the amount of times I threw myself out of my comfort zone while I tried to fiddle with the game.

Like, look at the difference in my human art

This is the first time I drew Muir like.. I forgot when I drew this, two months ago?

And then like this is from a few days ago

... *compares* I don't know how to explain the difference, I think there is one-

Like,. It's hard to compliment myself because of the sheer amount of stress I endured over the year. I've been out of the old job for 3 weeks now. I'm so glad I'm out of there.

I remember how I always wanted to draw an entire dragon, not just a bust. And look I ended up drawing one!! Ok with Roper's head but yea!

I think family difficulties and other events made me feel very detached from others. I never felt/feel like I belong anywhere. I moved so often that this feeling persisted. And it may persist for who knows how long. I only recently got a diagnosis, I have a form of depression, but it's somewhat mild. Hence why I'm still able to perform in daily tasks and work. Tho I don't want to use my condition as an excuse, I rather just want to show that I'm capable of something. That even people who struggle mentally can find success in what they do.

Life throws so many hurdles but I think I am slowly used to living in the chaotic environment. I keep drawing and work on my hobbies while I wait to move apartments.

I try very hard to change my mindset even tho my mind had been so used to the negative spirals. But I try to stay determined and keep on learning. I am not all knowing and I need to remember that mistakes are ok and that I need them to keep learning and have progress.

I've been pushing aside so many thoughts while I messed with the game. Even tho it's 2AM I needed a quiet moment to think about it all.

I am very open with my thoughts and feelings, it's what I usually do on my Instagram account when I post my art.

Tomorrow is another day to learn something new.

[kittycatcrackhead]

shane x farmer headcanon

TW: Alcoholism, EDs and body dysmorphia, and mentions of being suicidal.

Here's some headcanon stuff before i get to the depressing shit

Leon is 5'5", and Shane is 5'6" (funnily enough, leon was made to be short because i wanted him to be slightly shorter than shane, and i've always headcanoned shane as 5'6")

Neither one can cook. Leon has literally burnt down his kitchen before.

Leon is 27, and Shane is 34

Leon is horrible with kids, but Shane is surprisingly good with them (it's cause he tries to be a good uncle to jas)

Leon doesn't understand a thing about gridball, but it's fine cause shane loves to ramble and explain it.

Shane is transmasc, and uses he/they pronouns.

Leon uses he/him pronouns.

Shane wears exclusively crocs, even at work. It drives leon insane (he despises crocs).

Leon and Shane are both slobs, and it drives Leon's bodyguard Phillip (who also lives with them) fucking nuts. (phil is a part of their relationship, but i want to focus on leon and shane's dynamic here. i'll eventually make a post about a phil x shane dynamic)

Leon is somehow still a certified accountant (even after getting fired from his last job for accused fraud. he was set up tho), and handles the finances for the farm, and deals with tax stuff. He often rambles about accountant stuff to Shane, who doesn't understand a lick of it.

Leon is allergic to cats, but they still keep a cat around the farm.

Leon's full name is Leonard Valentine Locke. DO NOT call him Leonard, he despises his full name.

^ This is leon :3

^ this is his sdv sprite i made :3 (pixel art is a pain in the ass in procreate btw T_T)

ok sad shit below this, read at your own risk.

So shane has always been a big influence on my oc, Leon (it was mostly subconscious, I didn't realize Leon was so similar to Shane until a couple of months ago)

They're both suicidally depressed and alcoholics, and both struggle with their sense of self-worth.

I believe that Shane drinks because he lost two close friends who meant a lot to him (Jas' parents), and didn't know how to deal with the grief. He'd already had a bit of an issue with alcohol before, but nothing like it would become.

Leon drinks because he had a shit childhood and a shit life. He hates himself, and struggles with major depression. He's on antidepressants, and meds for bipolar 2, which react poorly with the alcohol, worsening his symptoms, and making him heavily suicidal. He always had a problem with alcohol, but it became significantly worse when he shot and killed his father. While it was self-defense, his now boss, Zalu Merriweather, used it against him to get Leon to work for them. That sent Leon into a downward spiral, and he ended up nearly dying multiple times.

He ended up in Stardew Valley with his bodyguard, Phillip, because of some lore thing idk. what happens in stardew valley isn't canon to my story, so i haven't put too much though as to why Leon ends up there lmao

But Leon finds shane, and they are two drunk peas in a pod. They get along well, (perhaps too well), and are both worsening the other's alcoholism, since Shane now has a drinking buddy, and leon thinks shane's hot af, but leon prefers to be drunk when he sleeps with someone.

Then shane's six-heart event rolls around, and leon doesn't want to shane to end up like him. Shane decides he's going to get his shit together.

Leon doesn't get sober yet, tho. He's still drinking and struggling, but with Shane now being sober, he doesn't want to be a bad influence.

Eventually, shane and phil are able to help leon give up alcohol.

Leon gives it up entirely, but Shane is able to have a few beers every now and then.

Leon gains weight after quitting alcohol, and it really fucks with him. He had an ED when he was younger, and has bad body dysmorphia. Seeing his body become "ugly" by his standards almost makes Leon relapse, but he works through it.

[giogio1998]

Fun facts about my art process:

Today I was making new JLI art and it got me thinking that I have the same ritual when it comes to drawing the JLI and some of them are very silly and fun so I wanted to share with you guys. Even if you don’t care, reading is important so just read the freaking post lol.

1- I hate drawing men !!! Seriously, drawing Martian and Batman is easy for me bc they have very easy features to draw like Batman’s mask and Martian’s nose. But every time I have to draw Ted, Booser and Guy it’s a struggle.

2- drawing Ted is the hardest, I think it’s bc I shipp Ted and Bea so I always try to draw Ted cuter than the other boys and that pressure makes it harder for me but drawing Ted is the bane of my existence.

3- idk why but Guy always ends up looking super hot. I swear it’s unintentional, but the man always looks so hot, sometimes I look at my drawings and I���m like “wtf Giovana why did u make him look so hot ? “

4- I like making Tora skin pinkish, mostly bc she has white hair so white hair and light skin would look very washed out but I like to think that her skin is like “ice burnt” (?). Idk if that’s a word, I’m Brazilian I’ve never felt cold in my life. All I know is sun burnt lol.

5- the opposite goes to Bea, I like to make her skin light bc, well she is in fact white Brazilian, but I like to make her hair color pop, that’s also why I give her black lipstick and eyebrows, it’s all about the hair.

6- Bea’s hair !!!! I always try to give her the best hair. I make it very voluminous, very wavy and very bright almost as if it’s on fire. I love her hair, also I’m trying to redeem her hair bc of the awful 80’s hair style that DC insists on giving her.

7- I listen to Hannah Montana while making my JLI arts … actually I love all the early 00s Disney channel music and I also listen to podcasts but I prefer listening to music while drawing.

8- if I don’t find a reference the drawing is not happening. Every artist struggles at something and my struggle is anatomy I can’t come up with poses, especially group poses so I’m always looking for references. Once I have my reference everything is fine but if I can’t visualize it I can’t draw it.

9- I love drawing booster’s suit, it’s just so shiny and easy to draw, Guy’s vest and Ted’s suit have too much detail so booster’s suit is just fun to draw.

10- I hate drawing booster’s hair tho I always think it looks stupid idk why I hate drawing short hair.

11- I love drawing skeets. I wish I would draw him more often tho. My reference for skeets is the justice league unlimited version.

12- speaking of references, when I draw Batman I almost always make his cape cover him completely bc I think he moves around like Dracula from hotel Transylvania LOL. Idk why but I treat him like the most unserious character ever.

13- I draw using photoshop, this isn’t a fun fact, that’s actually sad.

14- My laptop is an old Lenovo from 2017 and it crashes constantly. Usually I start and finish a drawing on the same day but sometimes my laptop decides otherwise.

15- my signature is my initials but one time someone commented that it’s looks like a “cursive B” and since then when I can’t get my signature just right I draw a cursive B instead and it works lol.

16- I always give Ted dimples, mainly bc dimples make him look even cuter but also bc I struggle with drawing men so I try to give them different characteristics to make them look unique.

17- I give every JLI member its own layer file while drawing and I always make it color coordinated. So Bea’s file is green, Ted’s is blue, Booster’s is yellow, etc.

18- I name all my layers and to keep my sanity I name them all with silly names like “bea’s million dollar hair”. “Boosters shiny ass suit”. “Tora’s blush she bought from MAC”.

19- I came up with Bea’s suit bc I always hated that she had normal looking clothes instead of a suit like everyone else so I came up with a new one and it was inspired by a pair of boots I saw on instagram once.

20- the JLI is my favorite thing to draw <3

That’s all I can come up with right now, hope this post encourages people to keep drawing bc most digital artists like to appear as if being good at drawing is a magical gift and they don’t struggle at anything. So this is my reality lol

Also the new JLI art will be coming out soon, stay tuned!!! Spoiler alert it’s a glee related post 🤫

[youredreamingofroo]

Long winded rant of me talking about NSB, doing a new series, storytelling and whatever else I talked about under the cut, feel free to read it's just me rambling, I don't really care if ppl read it or not it's VERY long 😭

I've been painfully itching to start a new series, I know I'm doing NSB rn, and I do plan to at least finish the normal NSB legacy (up to Gen 9), although I might finish or take a break at around Gen 5 or 6, just because I don't wanna lose motivation and also because it takes A LOT to make some of these posts (for example, the last NSB post... took a lot out of me), and I'm only on Gen 2, almost Gen 3 rn, and I was originally planning to do all 30 or 40 Gens in the updated ver of NSB, which def doesn't seem like it'll be happening right now, because at the current rate at which I post, and how fast things in my game move, Sims 6 will be out before I even finish Gen 30 😭😭

Anyways, I don't know what the series would be about, if I were to do a new series, it would definitely be a lot more story based, if not completely story based, I don't know if I'd do/include gameplay, but I really wanna dive into more storytelling and setting up scenes, I'm not a film or theatre kid by any means, and I really don't know much about writing and setting up scenes and stuff, to be honest, i don't even know how I storytell, I guess it's just regurgitated content molded to shape the statue of my story if that makes sense lmao, I guess it's also the art of using so many fucking metaphors and similes that doing something like comparing love to drowning in a cold ocean comes sorta easy to me? I'm not grammatically inclined and don't know a lot about punctuation, my teachers all kinda gave up on me in English class, so all of my writing is basically self taught, which I guess is the case for a lot of things I do- I feel like starting a new series would help me learn how to write better, even though it seems like a lot of ppl love my writing, I still feel like I could improve so much and do so much better. I already have a couple ideas in mind for a new series, I don't think I'll say much rn just in case I decide to make them a series, but as for right now, I've got plans for Gen 3 NSB (aka Calico), and if I were to start a new series, I would not stop playing NSB, but due to how I function and shit, I would have to put NSB on hiatus, I kind of have a hard time doing two stories at once, hence why Sharkie's story got put on hiatus, because it was too stressful for me to double up, especially with how often I post (at least 3 or 4 times a week), I would like to go back and play Sharkies story and share her story up to this point where I last played her, her story is a lot more gameplay centered (for example, I am more inclined to make a blender scene for NSB, then Sharkie, for Sharkie, I'd do stuff like go to the bar and see how it plays out and take screenshots and just edit those) which I like more, but that's not to say I don't enjoy NSB, because I equally LOVE storytelling as I do gameplay.

While writing this, I did think of something I could do, which would be posting NSB every other week (so one week I do Sharkie or some other series and then the next week I do NSB, then a diff series, so on so forth), the only problem is that usually when I get an idea, and I finish that idea, I like to post it asap, I'm not good at scheduling posts lmao, but it might be worth it if people want to see another series (that is if anyone is still reading up to this point lol), I'd like to channel my storytelling into a more story based save/story, but idk! I'm just kinda doing my thing rn and I'm at a point where i wanna do something different. I especially wanna start doing more in blender, it just takes fucking forever to do some of the stuff I wanna do, and some of it means learning new stuff which is thrice as hard and takes thrice as long compared to normal posing and stuff 😭

[serpercival]

your recent reblog of the 'post this from your wip' reminded me i meant to do this, specifically because monkey brain saw you use the word 'miasma' and went "!!!!! fellow miasma-user!!!" and therefore unlocked further brain power;

the long and the short of it is, you write beautifully. im not as big of a reader as i used to be, but tiptoeing through some of your stuff has put me back in gradeschool just inhaling literature with fervour again. ive only looked at your MASH stuff, granted, solely cause its all i know, but if youre this talented with one cast, ive got no doubt you knocked it out of the park with others.

you balance the silliness inherent within the show on the end of your fingers perfectly, especially with your banter between the goobs. you also touch on poetic phrasing delicately, just enough to give the reader... idk a sense of nostalgia? not quite the word im reaching for but you get the gist, that airy dreamy sense you get in memories. just sort of tender, gentle moments.

i also dont know how to put this but you do... yucky really well? as in like. yknow. grossness- in the general sense; dirt, grime, sweat, whatever, you visualize it well enough that i get the urge to wash my hands. people get lazy with that stuff too often, you dont slack on stuff. and this is only in a positive way. its Delicious. you evoke imagery very well is what im trying to say

i love your passion for writing, your expert chunking of your writing making it into digestible pieces, and your commitment to the craft.

anyway i made this after reading chapter 22 specifically and seeing trapper make hawkeye's french toast [for bj and hawkeye and the kiddos] after i'd already published my own scene of hawkeye making french toast [for trapper and bj]

much love, keep at em tiger you're knocking it out of the park, godspeed you magnificent bastard 🫡

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!! I saw in my kudos email this morning that you'd started reading Mating Habits and I was unbelievably hyped about it but I hadn't realized you'd gotten that far!! Wagh thank you. The entirety of the foxtrap series is so near and dear to my heart and it's thrilling every time someone new gets on board with him.

I get what you're talking about with the grossness—there's a bit in Crabapple Cove - Part Four (Chapter Ten) of Mating Habits where Trapper's going ham on a chicken thigh that I was really pleased with. Funnily enough in regards to both that and the comment about "easily digestible pieces," one of the upcoming chapters for that includes him going insane about Chinese takeout chicken in the middle of what's turning out to be like... a 15k chapter. Hopefully. It's sitting at 12.7k right now and I'm not quite done with it, and my editing process usually adds rather than subtracts, but there's genuinely nowhere to split it because it's all stuff that takes place in the span of about two hours without any time skips lol. It was some of the first material that got planned for the verse so I need to do it justice! That's why I took a break on Mating Habits and went to write Professional Courtesy instead for a little while—it's very intimidating to be going into a section where you know everything that needs to happen and exactly how it needs to happen, but it needs to be convincing. The upcoming upload is very much a reward for the past what, 50k of Beej angst? I think it's sincerely some of the best work I've ever done so I'm very glad I took that break to work up the courage to tackle it instead of trying to push through and potentially messing it up.

This was such a good pick-me-up, thank you so much for sending it in!!! I've posted about it a couple of times recently but I have a creative writing class I'm suffering through right now that's been real rough on the old motivation because the professor's insane and has some very firm opinions about the fact that apparently "genre fiction" and romance don't count as "true art" ksdhgshgdsh. Girl if you knew I've written ~150k total (so far) of an AU for hit 1970s sitcom M*A*S*H where Trapper is a foxboy and he's in a romantic relationship with both Hawkeye and BJ, would you just keel over or what? POINT BEING I sincerely appreciate the compliments and will be channeling them into exploding her with my mind. Kisses!

[charrfie]

howdy laika! for that ask game, spamton with 17, 22, 23, 24?

LONG POST INCOMING PLEASE READY YOURSELF

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

See this is a tricky question bc I wouldn't say I truly LIKE any spamton ships really; they all don't work for me for one reason or another. But I'm fine with seeing some* of them regardless because I do view a majority of them as having been a part of his history? Like him and swatch for example. I do not enjoy that ship or actively take part in it but do I think there was something going on there during spamtons big shot years??? Yeah. Do I have a problem with anyone that does enjoy it? No. Kind of a non-answer but it's the best I've got

* = "Some" excluding any addison ships (bc I personally view them as siblings) and also ones that aren't morally gross, obviously

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

OH BOY AM I A FIC READER. For the past month or so as my hyperfixation on spam has ramped up in severity again I've been trying to read every spamton centric fic that's ever been written and wow has it been a journey. So as for what I like!! The easiest answer to this is probably just the general statement of "when people write him how he is in canon." It's surprisingly rare to see him written in such a manner but is always a nice surprise when he is. Not only do I say this in relation to his character as a whole, but his speech patterns too! Which- admittedly- are extremely difficult to get the hang of! So I understand if people aren't super well versed in it and can't write him accurately in that manner. But it's my favorite thing ever when people do.

As for the second part of this question, I think the most glaring thing I hate when it comes to fics about him is just how often he's infantilized. It's SHOCKING how often it happens. Sure sure, he can be silly no doubt about it, but he's a grown man in his 40s and has experienced so much awful shit. Can we knock it off with treating him like he's a newborn or is stupid?? In the same breadth is when people make him excessively kind or sweet right off the bat... like is he not kind of an asshole??? I think its perfectly fine to embrace that fact; him being morally gray adds SO much to his character! Dare I say a lot of people who enjoy his character wouldn't have been intrigued by him without it, so I don't know why that element of his character is so often neglected. Same with his small moments of kindness/humanity; they wouldn't hit as hard if he was like that the whole time. Idk. I'm kind of picky about writing and literature so I have a lot to say sorry lol

23. Favorite picture of this character?

If we're talking about canon art of him only then I will forever be thinking about this gif of him. It makes me crazy. Same with this drawing toby did of him, you people have no idea the damage it does to me

If fan works are included... then this piece by @fatspamton is my absolute favorite picture of spamton EVER and it has been for the longest time, no question about it. It's exactly how I see him in my head and he looks so charming in it T_T <3 All of this artists spamton art (and other art/music too!!) is absolutely worth looking at if you ask me; the way he draws spam is unbelievably perfect, I think about all of its works of him very often :"^]

24. What other character from another fandom of yours reminds you of them?

Going to be honest I've been stumped on this one. I don't think I have any answer?? There's no guy that takes up my brain space which is similar enough to him for me to say in full confidence "yeah x is like him," sorry!

[woetoy]

Anon art human again, I mean finding views or just acknowledgement for you art, I'm broke and either way wouldn't feel right blazing the nsfw stuff I draw but it gets no traffic or notes. Idk leaving an ask was impulsive but I really respect your art and was curious how you got your followers, if it was more a waiting thing or you found the right areas to post.

I dunno, it probably takes patients to get attention but finding motivation to make good art and then getting nothing but emptiness and boredom at the end of the process isn't motivating lol. Anyways Im thankful for your response and apologetic cause I got this trigger instinct to just blurt my questions to the cool artist I found on tumblr, and I'm sorry for bothering you so

No worries, I just felt bad that I didn't understand ya!

Getting noticed depends on a lot of things. I've had several accounts through 12 years spent on this site, and this one is the first that kinda popped off!

Do you make art that has crowd appeal? As in, is it a little silly, cute or relatable? Does it have a story behind it besides looking pretty? Is it attached to a fandom? Are you making stuff for an underrepresented niche? I often see people make something that is technically impressive, or their personal best, but it doesn't get shared too much because it lacks that appeal. It sounds harsh, I know, but it happens to me too. Until recently, my most popular piece was a doodle I banged out in an hour - just how it is, but I'm happy it resonated with people! You can have a look around at what other people post and see which posts of theirs do better or worse as well.

I don't follow the rule of posting at specific peak times, or posting every day. But I do try to tag stuff appropriately. Tumblr only uses the first 5 tags from your post in the search function, the rest you use for categorizing for your blog. So if you're starting out, it really is a waiting game until someone notices and shares your stuff, unless you have a buddy that can boost you.

I come here to have fun, I make art for me and if other people like it - awesome! I don't really optimize that well for social media reach, I just have my characters and their little stories. I do my specific niche of porn/kinks that are fun for me to draw and talk about. It helps that I have a more solid art style now than I did when I started. Apparently I've been doing NSFW for the past 7 years, and early this year is when it took off on tumblr.

To counteract the emptiness, it helps to have friends to bounce ideas around with or to make characters together with. It's why I create, really. I do it with friends because that's what I find fulfilling. And then I feel driven to draw and post about it as well, and that's been true all this time for me.

I hope you can find fulfillment as well, I think it does come through sometimes if a piece was made for reach or from personal joy. I for sure see that in ancient fanart I've done, I hate those pieces. But the personal stuff that I did for fun is still cute to me, even if it did get at most 5 notes way back when.

Sorry if my thoughts are jumbled. But yeah, this is what I do and what worked for me. But it's always different person to person. Much luck in your endeavors!

[atthebell]

atp this website should just let me opt in to tags im willing to see rather than blocking this many

Do you ever feel like you run out of qsmp content to consume on tumblr because of the blocked tags?

^ not at all a criticism of blocking tags, I do it liberally lol, just curious because it happens to me sometimes

not really; part of the reason why i have to block so many tags is because i follow so many people in order to see a lot of qsmp stuff. because i like keeping up to date with as many characters as possible i like to see a lot of stuff, but that also means seeing shit i don't want to see or seeing incredibly stupid & biased takes from people who only main one POV (at which point i usually just block and move on with my life; if you can't step outside your characters pov for single second, you're not working with this medium right).

i DO have issues with not seeing enough about roier and cellbit on my dash honestly-- i hear every detail about tubbo and bad and foolish's streams, but whenever i miss a cellbit stream i know ill have to watch it back myself because people won't have said what happened because there's such fewer cellbit fans on here, and same goes for roier. although there's definitely more spanish speakers on here than brazilians so i do get some of what happens on his streams. in general, though, there are like three people on here who care about cellbit enough to post about him and im one of them so :/ i need to up the propaganda or something i feel like im going insane

there's also far less fanart on here than there is for other mcyt fandoms, which is sad, so i do often find myself combing through every character's tag hoping to find new art but ive already found it all. this isn't a criticism of fanartists, qsmp just isn't as popular on here and that's reflected in the amount of art.

anyway i don't really have a hard time finding content about most characters but there's a few where it is a struggle, though not because of blocking tags. and the reason i block so many tags is because i just do not share the same taste in other media as the people i follow, so i pretty much have to block whatever other stuff they post about or ill want to scream. and bc i have every variation of cc & q neg blocked along with usual tws.

i suppose because of how many people i have blocked im probably missing some qsmp content, but i have people blocked because they're awful and post misinfo or are just annoying so like. im not gonna unblock them just to see bad analyses of bad or cellbit or tubbo on my dash. i have a few things that earn an instant block from me, and misinfo is a big one, along with just being mean as hell or bigoted in some way. idk im very particular about cultivating my dash and although im frustrated often, that's more due to the state of fandom & online culture in general at the moment (bad) than all that specific to this fandom.

[techmomma]

I don’t draw as much as I used to. Some days it drives me insane. Since getting this job there’s been whole MONTHS without drawing even the sloppiest thumbnail or even just a warmup.

But I think it’s been good for me? Yeah, it still drives me insane. I have so many things to draw, all the time, forever, and it never feels like enough TIME FOR ANY OF IT. I am a visual communicator, there are so many THINGS that just don’t work in words! But they’d make sense if I drew them. Just this one idea, I gotta get this idea out of my head and it demands a visual aid. And I gotta decide between that, or this thing I’ve been wanting to draw for two weeks, or this other thing I out off for a month, or this thing, etc. etc.

But

I think it’s been finally, actually helping the burnout I staved off healing from for ages. I’d pull back but still try to make myself draw and it’d only somewhat help, temporarily, but now actually not drawing for long stretches of time, I can feel something healing. I don’t draw often and I don’t draw a lot but each time feels like more and more of a joy. I feel more excited to draw, less tired, less staring at a document like “JUST FUCKING DRAW ALREADY!” and nothing happening.

Maybe it’s been helping me get away from feeling like I owe people, personally and in-general, art. Not just in the sense of commissions but as a content creator, like if I don’t meet these invisible quotas for posting then idk everyone will hate me or stop following me or whatever. “You have to draw content like it’s your job or like it will be your job someday or you’ll never go anywhere.” Or, as has happened, people will ask “Why aren’t you making art anymore??” and I won’t have an answer. Worrying that people will think I’m NEVER DRAWING AGAIN and look on me pityingly, like I’m no longer an Artist or.... something.

brain: something bad will happen me: what brain: something bad

me: cool, great, thanks

And now that I’ve not been drawing and people HAVE asked that but it was a single instance thusfar, and there’s still people following me and enjoying my art and my characters, which is great, but even if there weren’t.... it’s been showing me it’s really not so bad. It’s okay to not draw anything for long stretches of time. Yeah, it kinda sucks, but who cares? I’m liking my drawings more on the rare chances I do get to draw, even if I don’t finish them. I’m enjoying my art more and more. Maybe I only have the spoons for a headshot but it’s spoons at all, and that’s awesome. Instead of being ONLY a headshot, it’s more like “yay, I got a chance to draw a headshot at all!” Art is feeling less of a chore that has to be done every so often because you have to, and more of a joy that I get to indulge in.

So unfortunately, it does mean that art will still probably be few and far between, in terms of here on tumblr and what I post. I’ve also started taking a joy in not posting everything I draw; sometimes it’s just for friends, sometimes it’s just for me. So you guys don’t see everything I do, even when I do draw. But I’m still here. And I’ve been feeling better about my art. Maybe one day I won’t be so tired and I can happily draw everyday for hours like I used to; or maybe it’ll still remain sparse and sporadic.

But that’s okay. Maybe I won’t get any commission deals out of drawing so sporadically, maybe I won’t get huge follower numbers. But that’s okay. I like my art. I like my circle I’ve got here. And I’m learning to not hate myself for staring at an open document and not drawing anything. I’m learning to be okay being tired.

Love you guys, still! Lots of love to people still sticking around and lots of love to people who’ve stumbled on me recently and made the flattering-if-questionable decision to follow me. You may not see much art from me but I’m still here lurking most days, and enjoying the quiet.

[autistpride]

Hi.. I hope you don't mind a bit of a long ask. So I've seen from your posts that you have autism, and I was wondering if I could have your opinion on something. More recently I've been questioning if I might have autism myself, but I'm really unsure about it and my family seems pretty adamant that I don't. The main reason that they think I don't is because they're used to stereotypes, and they don't think I could have it because I understand and use a lot of sarcasm, even though I've told them that it's a spectrum and everyone is different. Of course I know that your opinion won't make up for an official diagnosis, but as of now I'm too embarrassed to even mention that I MIGHT have it, because if I'm wrong I'll feel like one of those people who fakes disorders or something. So, if you're willing to listen, I was going to list out some of the traits that I've been called 'weird' or 'alien' over, and see if maybe you think they could possibly mean autism? I hope that's okay with you 😅

•I always get the exact same foods from restaurants that I go to frequently. If they don't have what I usually get, I most likely won't eat anything at all.

•Speaking of those foods, I always eat them in the exact same order. The burger, then the fries, then the nuggets. The breadsticks, then the fish, then the shrimp, y'know? I don't know when or why I started doing this, I've just sort of always done it.

•I have a huge problem staying still, something that I get very self conscious about in public. I'm always tapping my feet, rocking back and forth, clicking something in my hands, chewing on water bottle caps, and just generally refusing to sit in one spot. I also love to pace when I'm trying to formulate ideas, as I feel it really helps me think.

•I can't stand wearing jeans. I mean I won't go crazy if I have to, but they always make me feel restricted. I thought for a while that it was just how restricting they were, but I've found that other tight pants don't make me feel the same way?

•I DESPISE nail files. I can't explain it, but just the sensation of that sandpaper-like stuff rubbing against my nails activates my fight or flight response, I just feel like bolting it gives me bad goosebumps all over.

•I hyperfixate on stuff hard, I pick things up quick but also drop them hard. Recently I picked up DC/Batfam as a hyperfixation and I've been fully leaning into it ever since, spending pretty much all of my time making art or stories about it (Or at the very least thinking about the characters in some way). However back a few years ago I was hyperfixated on Markiplier Egos, and then one day I just.. Dropped it out of nowhere, and haven't been able to pick it back up since.

•This one's really iffy but I feel like I get irritated a lot super super easily, and I used to think it was just anger issues but for one: It's almost never something to get upset about, and for two: It usually happens when I've been talking to someone for a little too long or when someone interrupts my quiet time. So if we're going with the whole maybe autism thing, it might be overstimulation..? Idk..

•I'm super light sensitive, pretty much every time I go outside I say 'Wow it's bright out there" when I come back in. It's so noticeable that I used to not only notice, but attribute it to an eye injury I had once. Except that injury wasn't serious and is fully healed, so that's probably not it.

•I have a lot of trouble speaking sometimes. I feel like my words never come out the way that I want them to, and I often end up slurring them around so much that what I'm trying to say becomes pretty much incomprehensible, which always makes me frustrated because I get misunderstood a lot.

•I don't really understand what other people are feeling most of the time, and I get annoyed when they won't just tell me what they want instead of vaguely hinting about it and expecting me to know what they need.

•I'm always being told to speak up because I 'mumble', even though I think I'm talking at an acceptable volume.

•I ramble. A lot. (Sorry 😭👍)

But yeah, those are just some of the thing that I've been jokingly called 'strange' for over the years. Like I said earlier, I know that your opinion is nothing like an actual diagnosis, but hearing your thoughts on whether or not I might have it would mean a lot to me since you're someone who's been diagnosed!

Hi annon!

Let me preface this by saying I'm so proud of you for really taking the time to think about all this and dig into your life and behaviors.

Then to ask someone about it is very brave!

I wish there was a way to reply without showing your entire ask message. I feel terrible sharing your private thoughts with everyone.

I'm not a professional so I don't feel qualified to say yes or no. And as much as I want to give you some reassurance, I can't give you something definite. Especially when I don't know you in order to form a proper opinion.

Yes many of those things are things that indicate you could be autistic.

There is a lot of overlap and they could be things related to other Neurodivergent diagnosis such as ADHD, anxiety, OCD, etc and not just autism.

However, I will say if you're even questioning if you're autistic it's a pretty good chance you're autistic or some kind of Neurodivergent. Most neurotypical people often don't think this hard on if they could be autistic or not. 😉

You have put a lot of thought into this and my suggestion is to keep researching and doing what you're doing. Keeping notes also if you'd like. Why?

Because....

1. Keeping notes and continuing research allows you to have a record of everything.

2. The notes would also come in handy for if you ever seek an assessment.

3. With more time, you will become more self aware and confident in your thoughts on what you believe about if you're autistic. You can then sit down with your family and explain why you think you're autistic.

4. If the comes a time you'd like to try an assessment, you can talk to a gp or therapist if you have one and have them place the appropriate things for you to have that done. Your family needn't be part of the process if you're of legal age. But you may need adult permission for the evaluation if you are considered a minor.

5. Self diagnosis is valid in the autism community. Its valid because a diagnosis is very challenging for many to obtain, and in some situations dangerous.

This doesn't mean someone just wakes up one morning and says "oh I think I'm autistic today". No. They have done hours and hours of research and evaluated their own life, mannerisms, and behaviors, and said "I really think I'm autistic."

Self diagnosised individuals get the benefit of knowing themselves and finding support in the community without ever getting access to supports any official way. They can't get school/work accomodations, financial assistance, medical/mental health services, or really any supports put in place that require an official diagnosis to obtain.

Some would claim self diagnosis isn't valid due to exactly what you pointed out, making a claim of a diagnosis without qualifications and due to the huge overlap and other factors, but the wait times, cost, and unfortunately things like race and gender are barriers to obtaining an assessment and diagnosis. I know in the UK the current NHS wait time is 7-10 years unless you go private. I know in the US getting an assessment as an adult is challenging as most professionals won't evaluate people over 18 and the cost is upwards to $7k depending on location because most insurances won't cover it.

You are always welcome to continue messaging me. I'm happy to answer any questions and I honestly enjoy talking to people when I can.

And in case no one's told you

You're not broken, a burden, and there is nothing wrong with you!

Be your best and amazing self! ✨