#idk why i've been getting so many anons lately

[hereforh]

What's your opinion on Brad?

I'll plead the fifth on that one. lmao

[ghsface]

bro I love ur writing so much idk if this is how you request but tbh idgaf anyways. anyway can you write something abt Matt x reader at a party and doing some page 136 icebreaker shit? (I think that’s the page but idc) anyway yeah ilyy 😍😍😘

New Message ✮⋆˙

hey pretty, ngl I didn't read that book but I looked up what that page of the book is about and OMG THAT WAS HOT ngl, I tried to do something similar because I don't know the context very well, I hope you like it, ily too<33

I hate you - Matt Sturniolo

Sumary: You decide to provoke Matt at a party...

Warnings: smut +18 orgasm denial, teasing, sexual tension, explicit content, semi public sex, unprotected sex (don't do it), p in v, oral f receiving, dom!matt x fem!reader, hate sex?, I don't think I've forgotten anything, if I do, let me know.

A/n: ngl at first i liked it but now i hate it i don't know why like i love it but at the same time i hate it ugh i hate that feeling yk, i trying my best i hope you like it anon, and thanks for the request!!, my first language is not English, so I'm sorry if there is something wrong or things that are not understood.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

You arrived at the Sturniolo triplets’ house with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Nick had mentioned that he, you, and Chris were going to a party, and the thought of hanging out with them cheered you up, especially since Matt, Nick’s brother, wasn’t going to be there. For as long as you could remember, you and Matt had been mortal enemies, the competition between you was fierce, and every interaction always ended in insults and challenging glares. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you got ready for the night, hoping that your outfit would make you feel like the best version of yourself.

You had gotten ready in Nick’s room, enjoying the time you spent with him and Chris, who joked around with each other as they waited for you. Finishing up, you made sure to take one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs. As you opened the door, however, a familiar laugh made you frown. Matt was sitting on the couch, his mocking expression already in place.

“Are you really going out with that? You look like a desperate," Matt said, with that provocative look you knew so well.

Your instinct was to ignore him, but you couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh.

"Didn't you say he was staying home?" you shot back, looking for Nick's gaze.

Nick, who was about to respond, stopped when he noticed the tense atmosphere between you.

"You know, I couldn't miss this party," Matt said, raising his hands in a gesture of false innocence. "Besides, I wanted to see you make a fool of yourself."

"As if you were the best example of behavior," you replied, crossing your arms over your chest. "You're a fucking annoying bastard."

Matt smiled maliciously, enjoying the challenge you offered him.

"I've always thought it's my job to screw up your life."

"You don't have a job, you're just an idiot," you replied, gritting your teeth as you tried to stay calm.

Nick, visibly amused by their daily fights, decided to intervene.

“Guys, please, can you stop fighting, at least for tonight? If you have so many problems, fix them in bed.”

The two of you stayed silent, the tension palpable.

“Nick wtf” you said indignantly, and confused as to why Nick said that.

“It's just a joke, but if you really have so many problems, fix them somehow,” Nick said, laughing.

“You know we're going to go now because we'll be late.” You felt caught between your desire to continue arguing and your desire to leave things like that. Finally, you decided not to let Nick's joke affect you anymore.

“Come on, let's go now!” you exclaimed, gesturing to get out, knowing that Nick and Chris would follow you.

In the car, the atmosphere was tense. You sat next to Nick, feeling like Matt was shooting daggers at you from the driver's seat every time he stopped the car for a stoplight. You couldn't help but feel his intense gaze on you in the rearview mirror, but you chose to ignore it, focusing on the music Chris had turned on.

During the ride, the conversation between Nick and Chris flowed, while you did your best to stay away from the conversation, thinking about how awkward that night would be. However, deep down, there was a spark of excitement. The idea of ​​going to a party always put you in a good mood, and even if Matt was there, you wouldn't let him ruin your night.

Arriving at the party, you were the first to get out of the car and enter the party, leaving the boys behind you. When you entered, the energy of the crowd was contagious. You headed towards the bar, looking for something to drink. You ordered a few drinks, and within minutes, you felt the tension of the day begin to fade away.

After a couple of drinks, the atmosphere was more relaxing. You looked around, looking for Matt, although you didn't know why you were looking for him. When you found him, he was chatting with Chris, but his gaze landed on you immediately, like a hunter stalking his prey. The way he looked at you made you nervous and, at the same time, provoked you. A stupid idea crossed your mind.

You decided it was time to play. You walked towards the dance floor, letting the rhythm of the music envelop you. With sensual movements, you began to dance, feeling Matt's gaze intensify from a distance. The game had begun, and you wanted him to feel it. You touched your body provocatively.

It wasn't long before you approached a boy who was dancing near you. Without a second thought, you pulled him towards you, moving with a magnetism that you knew would irritate Matt in some way. With each twist and turn, you noticed how his expression became darker and angrier.

"Do you like what you see?" you mouthed and threw Matt a wink from across the dance floor, enjoying the discomfort you were causing.

As you got closer to the boy, his hands wrapped around your waist and ran down your body, and the closeness was electric, he was a cute boy but he was definitely not your type. You felt like Matt couldn't take his eyes off you at any time. With each movement, you grew more confident, enjoying the provocation you were causing him.

Suddenly, you felt a firm hand grab your arm, and you didn't need to look to know who it was. Matt was staring at you with a mix of anger and desire, dragging you off the dance floor into an empty room.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he said, slamming the door shut behind you.

"I was just dancing with a friend, do you have a problem with that?" I replied, crossing my arms in a defiant gesture. "Did you think I was going to stand there with my arms crossed while you stared at me like you wanted to kill me?"

"You're provoking me, and you know it," he said, slowly approaching, his voice low and full of tension. "You in your damn dress and the way that guy touched you."

You felt powerful and vulnerable at the same time. You knew the tension between you had been building up for years, and now it was on the verge of exploding.

"Are you jealous Matt?" you challenged, smirking. Let me get one thing straight, you shouldn't be bothered by who I talk to or dance with.

"I'm going to show you who you belong to." He whispered in your ear and before you could protest he kissed you.

He found you against the wall, his lips crushing against yours in a fierce kiss that seemed to distill all the rage pent up between you. It was an uncontrolled kiss, full of passion and hatred, and the line between the two of you quickly blurred. When you finally broke apart, you were both panting.

“I hate you so much,” he murmured, his breathing ragged as his eyes fixed on you with an intense heat. “But at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Your response was almost automatic. “Then fuck me like you hate me.”

He didn’t wait any longer. He led you to the bed in the bedroom, and his hands began to roam your body, leaving a trail of kisses in their wake. Every kiss and every touch was a declaration of war and desire, and there was no turning back.

He took you into a whirlwind of sensations. He began to undress you slowly, as if he was enjoying every second, every little victory. The friction between rage and desire was palpable in the air, as if the room was about to explode. His hands explored every corner of your body, letting desire take over both of you.

“You’re a fucking nightmare,” he whispered as his lips moved down your neck.

“And you’re an idiot,” I replied, feeling the rage you used to feel transform into overwhelming desire.

Your body trembled with anticipation as Matt kept his gaze fixed on you, desire burning in his eyes. The tension between you had reached a breaking point. Boiling, and there was no turning back.

Anticipation grew as his hands slid down your sides, his lips leaving a trail of soft kisses on your abdomen. “I’m going to make you feel good,” he promised, his tone a mix of certainty and defiance. But there was a warning in his gaze. He knew he wanted to play, and so did you.

Matt lowered himself slowly, his breath warm against your skin. It took you by surprise when his mouth closed around you. An involuntary moan escaped your lips as his tongue worked beautifully, licking and sucking with a skill that made you lose control. The way he looked at you, with those eyes filled with desire, made you feel more vulnerable and aroused at the same time.

The combination of his attention and the growing pleasure brought you to the edge, but just when you felt like you were about to explode, Matt stopped.

“I’m not going to let you finish that easy, baby,” he said in a whisper, looking up, and his eyes were filled with a mix of anger and desire.

At that moment, you felt like you were capable of anything. The rage that had built up for so long turned into pure lust. You gave yourself to him, letting yourself be carried away by the sensations he offered you.

“You’re a fucking nightmare,” he murmured, his fingers playing with the fabric of your dress as he slowly pulled it up, exposing the skin of your tits. The room was permeated with an air charged with defiance and attraction, every movement between you causing a spark that could ignite the flame at any moment.

It took your breath away when his mouth found yours again. It was a fierce kiss, full of desperation and rage, every brush of his lips was like a reminder of all the battles you had fought in the past. He pushed you further into the pillows, his body pressing against yours, making a mix of pleasure and frustration run down your spine.

Matt pulled away for a moment, his assessing gaze sweeping over every inch of you. He knew he was in control. He held you tight, trapping your hands above your head and holding them firmly in place. The feeling of being completely at his mercy turned you on in a way you hadn’t anticipated.

“You’re not getting away today,” he said, whispering in your ear as his warm breath sent a shiver down your spine. Then, he moved down again, his lips trailing kisses down your neck, each touch making you want more.

Matt’s hands roamed your body with meticulous precision, exploring every corner and curve as you tried to control the desire building inside you. The way he touched you was both a punishment and a pleasure, each brush of his fingers a reminder of how much he’d wanted this, how much you’d both wanted this.

His mouth continued its descent, leaving warm kisses on your chest. Every time his tongue brushed your skin, you felt like you were on the brink of insanity. But Matt had no intention of letting you go so easily. When his lips found your breast, he sucked hard, marking his territory as you gave yourself over to the mix of pain and pleasure.

“You’re as stupid as you are beautiful,” he said between gasps, the tone of his voice heavy with contempt and desire, as his hands slid down your hips. You squirmed against him, seeking more, wanting what had begun to become something even more intense.

He released you for an instant, just so he could strip you completely, each piece of clothing falling to the floor as a symbol of your surrender. The feeling of being vulnerable before him, exposed and desired, awakened a side in you that only he could provoke.

Matt stood up, looking at you with that mix of defiance and desire that drove you crazy. He approached you again, and with a quick movement, he pushed you down onto the bed, causing you to fall onto the soft surface. He leaned over you, his body covering yours, the pressure of his weight making you feel trapped and aroused.

“Now I’m going to show you who’s boss here,” he declared, his eyes locked on yours with an intensity that made the air between you seem charged with electricity.

Without further ado, Matt plunged into you, filling you with his body as the room filled with sounds of passion and desperation. Every movement was a mix of strength and gentleness, as he entered you with a brutality that only he could combine with an almost fierce devotion.

Amidst broken whispers and gazes filled with desire, you feel how both of you leave behind any trace of arrogance or defiance, allowing yourselves to feel the pleasure, although neither of you admit it, you have always wanted. Matt intertwines his fingers with yours, holding you tightly as he continues to look at you with an intensity that makes you shudder.

“You drive me crazy,” he finally murmurs, with a sincerity that momentarily breaks through all the hatred between you.

Moans escaped your lips without you being able to contain them, and with each thrust, rage and desire intertwined in a wild dance. Matt kept up the pace, his hands squeezing your wrists as he penetrated you with unwavering fervor, making it clear to you who was in charge.

“Tell me,” he commanded, his voice low and husky as his body crashed into yours, the sound of his skin against yours echoing in the room. “Who do you belong to?”

“You,” you answered, each word laden with surrender as your body moved in unison with his, feeling the line between pleasure and pain blur.

“Say it again,” he demanded, increasing the pace as his thrusts became deeper, more frantic. The room was filled with whispers and sighs, each sound fueling the unbridled passion that burned between you.

“You,” you repeated, each word an echo of your desire, the recognition that everything you had felt for him was coming to the surface in this explosion of madness.

“Good girl,” Matt says with a arrogant smile

The friction between your bodies was intense, and each thrust brought you closer to climax. The mix of pleasure and rage was intoxicating, and you couldn’t help it, desire taking over you, making you forget everything but the present moment. In an instant of pure connection, feeling the barriers that had existed between you melt away, you let the pleasure sweep you away, allowing the world around you to fade away.

Matt finally found his own climax, his eyes locked on you, filled with a mix of triumph and insatiable desire. The two of you found yourselves in a whirlwind of sensations, each of you taking the other to new levels of pleasure and surrender.

When you finally stopped, both of you panting, the room was filled with a silence laden with meaning. You knew that nothing would ever be the same again, that the line that had once separated your hatred from desire had been blurred forever.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated dearly, and feel free to leave a request ✮

Tags... @bsturnzmtt @leannking @sturniololover69 @bells-sturn @sturnedits <3

[majinbangus]

Majin~ idk if my original ask sent so I'm gonna send it again just in case, Tumblr must find my asks delicious bc they get eaten like 85% of the time 🥲

Hello! Idk it you're taking requests now, or if you've already done this prompt/theme before, but I was wondering what it'd be like to be one of the many people Johnny flirts with on base, and you brush it off bc he's such a flirt. And yes, while Johnny will flirt with just about anyone bc thats his default setting, he's low-key going out of his mind bc he wants you to see that with you, it's different! It's genuine and sincere! What will it take for you to realize that the only person he's got a huge crush on is you?

Idk just wanted to see this from your perspective! No worries if you don't feel like writing anything for this, still love ya!! 😘

hey anon, sorry for the wait, getting my groove back slowly, but here it is. i might do another version of this some other time tho bc i had another vision for it but ended up with this

You don't know why he's been so affectionate with you lately. His playful flirting has gotten excessive, too. It's weird. He's being weird.

It's not like you dislike the attention, but you know he doesn't mean anything by it. That's just how he is. You know you're firmly designated as ‘friend’ in his eyes. A painful fact you've known ever since he made that comment to his ex about never seeing you in a different light because you ‘weren't his type.’ 

Yeah, that stung a bit, and you were a little offended, but that was more ego talking and less romantic feelings at the time. 

Unfortunately, things have changed. Feelings have changed. Yours, specifically.

You don't quite remember when exactly it happened, but you know it was sometime during the last few months of his last relationship. That was an agonizing time, and over a year since the end of that relationship plus several flings later, you're still pathetically pining over a man who will never see you as anything more than a friend because quote ‘he could never be attracted to someone who wasn’t his type’ unquote.

Now, you have to put on a smile and pretend it doesn't make your heart malfunction whenever he flashes that dimpled smile at you, or when he rests an arm over your shoulder while he walks next to you calling you all sorts of pet names he's never called you before. Not to mention all the times he feeds you a piece of his lunch, and when he grabs your wrist and makes you feed him. That barely scratches the surface of his newfound behavior around you.

Soap has never shown you more flirtation than the usual shallow amount he gives to anyone he's not dating. To be bathed in it out of nowhere is a shock to your system. An enigma you can't comprehend, nor are you eager to question it lest you lose his sudden affection. And despite the delusional part of you wishing he meant something by it, deep down you know it's simply false hope making you imagine the romantic adoration reflecting in those pretty ocean blues of his.

“–so what do you say?”

“I'm sorry, what?” You blink a few times, trying to force yourself to focus on Soap and not how bright his eyes are, or how warm his body feels pressed up against yours with his arm slung around your shoulder. He's so close, it's making your heart do fireworks.

“I asked if you wanna meet up next time we're on leave? We rarely hang out outside of work and drinks at the pub.”

“I can't.” It's not that you don't want to, but you don't really see the logic behind it, either. “One, we don’t live remotely close to each other, and two, I have family coming to visit.”

Soap laughs at your excuses, tightening his arm and pulling you impossibly closer. “That just means I can meet them, love! I've been meaning to sight see where you’re from anyway!”

It's your turn to bark out an incredulous laugh. “Sight see what? Soap, the city I live in is shit.”

“Och, can't be that bad if the locals are half as lovely as you, darlin’.”

“That was terrible!” You giggle, nearly doubling over at his cheesy flirtation, but despite yourself, you can't stop the fluttering in your heart, hoping he doesn't realize how much you actually like his attention and stupid charming words, or how you can barely share the same space with him without feeling like your chest is going to burst, or the obvious hearts in your eyes every time you look at him. “Please tell me you use better lines than that!”

Soap pays no mind to your laughter with that lopsided smile on his lips. He stares at you with those stupid, pretty blue eyes, strong arm still around you almost as if he's staking some kind of claim on you, like a leash or collar. You wish that was the case. You'd give anything to be marked as his.

“They seemed to work for me so far.” 

“Oh, really?”

“Aye.”

“Psh, then save the cheese for someone you want.”

“What if I want you?”

“What?” He sounds so earnest you have to stop a moment, shrugging off his arm, and turning to face him. Soap doesn’t flinch, staring back at you with such intensity you laugh uncomfortably to ease the growing tension in your chest. “Ha, ha. Very funny, Soap. You almost got me.”

“I’m being serious. I want you.”

“Since when?”

It’s a genuine question. You’re not playing dumb intentionally–well, maybe a little–but after so long of pining after him, this is something you need him to spell out for you. Even then, a part of you is ready to laugh off whatever he says next. 

Because what you have with Soap doesn’t go any deeper than a close friendship. It never has and never will be anything more than that. Even when you want it to be more, you know he’d never love someone like you. 

“Soap?” You tilt your head at him when he doesn’t answer. His smile has dropped and he’s looking at you with that cute frown of his you’ve always loved. The one when he’s deep in thought, doing all sorts of calculations or analysis on whatever has him stumped. 

“I don’t know how I can be any clearer, hen.” He talks slowly. Low and soft as if in disbelief. “Thought I’ve been obvious with my flirtin.”

“We ‘flirt’ all the time!” You laugh, trying to deflect the growing hope you feel. “We’re friends, Soap. Stop messing with me! Besides, I know I’m not your type.”

Surprisingly, he sounds offended when he asks, “Where’d you get that idea?” 

“What, that I’m not your type? You said it.”

“When?”

“When you were with what’s-her-face? The crazy possessive instagram model.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’, that always stuck with me, so thanks for that.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

You give a derisive laugh. “Then why’d you say it?”

“She was insecure.” Soap furrows his brows in regret, running a hand through his mohawk. “I thought I liked her at the time, so I said it to make her feel better. She didn't like you.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” You mutter bitterly. “I respected boundaries, and she always thought I was trying to ‘steal you from her.’”

Soap mumbles under his breath, “Don’t think I would have complained if you did.”

“What was that?”

“Nothin’, bon.” He sighs, the tension falling out of his shoulders before he squares them again, staring at you in a way that makes your breath catch. “Listen. I know it might be hard to believe, but I’m not takin’ the piss. If you give me the chance, let me prove how serious I am about you.”

“Soap…”

“Darlin’...”

Fuck. A flash of those blue eyes and you can feel yourself hope. Would it really hurt to give in? Just this once? Maybe, maybe not.

Sighing, you inwardly scold yourself knowing you’re jumping headfirst into the unknown, but…

 ��Fine. One chance.”

Soap’s never broken that trust before, and from the grin on his face, it tells you he’ll always be there to catch you.

“One chance is all I need.”

[stormblessed95]

Can we now please skip over the "when you were free, you never called" thing, please?? That's already been discussed enough. Let's now please discuss JK's tone when he said "Finally". He sounded relieved... a bit melancholy... a bit of something something. This isn't talked enough :(

I genuinely want to know how some of you guys decide to send in asks and to whom. I know so many of you probably mass send them out in an effort to, idk, reach as many people as possible? Higher chances of getting posted?

Anon, this also isn't just you, you just drew the unlucky straw for my rant. Sorry. Your ask is also "almost" but not quite a copy/paste of the post I made not even a full day ago.

I specifically requested everyone to stop sending me asks about the car conversation because when I was no longer sick and my brain worked more coherently, I would put together a longer form post addressing it for everyone. And yet since then, I've gotten like 18 different asks referencing the car conversation. Half of them saying "yeah, can't we just let it go because XYZ opinions"

Okay great. I'm glad you agree with me I guess but you still aren't listening and honoring my request. So low-key, it still feels really rude. So now I have to sit here and hope that maybe my followers aren't actually rude and forget I am a whole person behind this account where making demands for content isn't super nice, especially when said content was already said to be coming, just later on. But instead they just.... Idk, don't actually read my posts and just send in asks without reading anything because why bother? Idk. Feeling entitled to my time without giving me yours through reading my opinions about a subject first feels less rude in some ways than just not giving a shit about what I say. Lol 🙃

And I KNOW I make a ton of posts, especially lately with AYS and trying to keep up with at least most of the asks I get, I've been much more active on here than I have been otherwise in the past year. So I often try to give the benefit of the doubt. But honestly.

Idk, maybe I'm just extra cranky because I feel like absolute dog shit, I'm sick, trying to take care of my family, get ready for back to school, get ready to start working, and take care of myself too... But it feels a little disrespectful and it doesn't make me want to actually make more posts or answer asks.

And all of this is a general you, not directed at anyone in particular. I'm just.... Venting. This is why I kept turning my anons off occasionally in the past...

Thanks

[zanarkandfayth]

Would love to read your answers to questions 3, 9, 13, 17, 18, 26, 29, 31, 32, 50, and, if there's another number (or several) you really wanna answer, please add those too ✨

thank you for the ask!! <33 I wrote you novels in return gjdskglj

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

oooh this one is so hard because I love most of my fics for different reasons, even my older ones (at least the ones on ao3. we ignore the ones left behind on ffnet lmao). hhhh, of completed ones that are posted, imma have to say monsters honestly, because damn did I put some heart into that. but the one I'd probably consider absolute best is the still ongoing, not yet posted 600K+ beast of a fic I usually refer to as "nanofic" that I've been working on since 2019. it won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it just gets so deep into noct's trauma that I inflict on him and his slow recovery from it, more than I've done for any other fic, and I've poured so much blood sweat and tears into that thing, it's kinda everything to me.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

written, no. been tempted to in the past, but it was too much effort and I already had too many fics for my main fandoms. I have read fandom blind for both harry potter and supernatural in the past though, like lates 2000s into mid 2010s. both were kinda on accident. supernatural in particular is because it kept getting crossed over with MULTIPLE of my fandoms. psych, house md, and criminal minds. so I started reading non-crossover supernatural fics in self-defense gsdklgjdks

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

I mean… this is the first paragraph of one of my fics from my first fandom when I was fifteen. you tell me 😂

"Relena smiled as she sipped her tea and mentally reviewed the day's schedule. 8:00 am- peace talk to the world. 10:00 am- conference with Romefeller. 1:00 pm- try to convince Dorothy to become a pacifist because she was to stupid to understand that Dorothy loved war. Rest of the day- annoy the HELL out of Heero Yuy. Smiling happily again (PLEASE! Her smile is SO annoying), she stood up and was just about to take a step when …. suddenly a freak falling cow killed her!!! =^.^= The gundam boys all burst out of closets around the room and rejoiced."

the biggest change is probably that I actually write well now lmao. and don't character bash. and don't throw author's notes and emoticons in the middle of fics, and have learned to format better, and, and…

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

oh god. let me hide before I answer this. hands down, it's shadows growing. like let me be clear, it's not bad by any means. I'm still fond of it. but I did not have a clear plan when I started writing it, and I really feel like that shows. it was not meant to be a fix-it fic. it was not meant to be a longer fic. it was not meant to be much of anything, tbh. I saw the prompt on the kink meme and the prologue literally started writing itself in my head and I was like "nah idk what I'd do with that" and I scrolled past, but I couldn't focus on reading other prompts and so I went back and just started typing the fic in a reply to the prompt. honestly I figured I'd write whatever I could and then when I left it unfinished, no one would know because I was anon and I had like one fic posted on ao3 for ffxv at the time and I was used to being a complete fandom nobody. the fact that shadows growing got me even somewhat noticed was unexpected and I was not prepared gdjskgjdskl

it definitely affected the fic because once the readers started picking up it made me feel suuuuper stressed and I was so afraid to stray too far from canon because I thought people would hate that??? for some reason??? no there's logic there. I was just overwhelmed. and I do get why people love it, because the whump and the friendship between the boys is really good. but I cannot help but look at it and remember how out of my depth I felt at the time and wish that I had been brave enough to diverge more from canon and smart enough to come up with a better ending. I still suspect there were quite a few people who felt let down by the ending and that's fair honestly. anyways, yeah, it's a good fic and I'm fond of it and most of the attention and the recs it got were in the first couple years of the game being out and I don't begrudge it being my most popular fic, I just. have better ones now I feel like gjsdgjskgsj but maybe not ones as many people would want to read. which is fine with me tbh.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

the gladio oneshot in my "fayth's daddy issues week" series! (I wrote all those fics so back to back that I can't remember the titles for any of them whoops.) I adore that fic and it got so little attention compared to most of the other fics in that week, or my fics overall tbh. the only one that got even less was the one about iris 🤣 but I don't care much for the iris one either, even though I think it has some stellar banter between the boys and cute/funny prompto/gladio moments. I really love the gladio one though, because it was fun to revisit gladio's pov in a fic and I got to develop a bit of backstory for him that's been evolving into headcanon and there's a good chunk of ignis and gladio friendship that was the precursor to all their friendship in monsters, plus I got to make gladio cry, so. I love it <3

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

characterisation, for sure. it's the one thing I agonise over and actually worry about what readers might think at times, especially as I get further away from having played the game to keep it fresh in my mind. so anyone commenting that it feels right makes me roll around on my bed in glee. the other aspect I equally enjoy is people commenting on the emotions. like, that the ones I wrote the characters having feel real/deep, that it made the reader feel them too, etc. stuff like that. cos the emotions are literally why I write fic lol.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I am dumb and am struggling to understand what this question is asking, tbh. is it like, do I write for as many fandoms as I read, or something? because fuck no in that case, haha. the only fandoms I've done major writing for (more than one or two fics) are gundam wing, digimon adventure, final fantasy x, and final fantasy xv. and I've read for something like 100 fandoms, idk. at one point I had a list but I stopped keeping track eventually.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

well… I didn't really understand the concept of characterisation for fanfic until a little before I started writing for ffx. so uh, it's kinda non-existent in my gdw and digimon fics. but once I actively started trying for it… honestly maybe just yuna from final fantsy x. I had some things featuring her meant to be longer fics that were set during the game (most of my posted stuff is set pre-canon, with no yuna in sight) but I never finished and/or posted them because I always felt shaky on yuna's characterisation. I don't think I've majorly struggled with anyone in ffxv to the point that I've felt too dissatisfied with characterisation to post. but at the same time I'm sure none of them are actually perfectly right xD but they FEEL more or less right to me, which is all I care about.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

noct. I mean. he's my blorbo for a reason xD my beloved, I relate to him so much and the rest of it I just project lololol. I make a point to not actually just write myself as noct, cos I personally ain't about that, but it feels very easy to write him without needing to think too deeply about his thoughts/feelings/reactions most of the time. they feel instinctual to me, even when it's something that would differ from my own thoughts/feelings/reactions if I was in a similar situation.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

YES and the answer to this question is one of the reasons antis/purity culture upsets me so fucking much. it's a personal/sensitive answer though so skip if you don't want to read that xD but. reading rape/sexual abuse & aftermath fics as a teenager is what helped me to understand that, even though there was no outright rape happening, I was still being abused. seeing my favourite characters have the courage to tell someone about their abuse and get help is what encouraged me to tell one of my friends during an AIM conversation late one night when I was sixteen, and she convinced me to tell my therapist at my next appointment, who then told my mom, and yeah let's just say that was a very significant and eventually positive impact (it was a rocky road) on my life. if none of that had happened I genuinely think the CSA would have continued escalating into eventual rape. so thank FUCK for fanfic and I seethe with rage every time some shitfuck anti tries to claim there's no good to be found in such fics. plus in general it just helps with my mental health and I've made plenty of friends through fic over the years, even if they come and go I'm still grateful to have known them for that time, and writing fic is the one thing that gives life any meaning for me, etc. so yeah I'd say at least 99% positive.

and now, I will add a few to answer, because you said I could lmao

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

it is a toss-up between horizon road, an ffx fic featuring a toxic, fucked up relationship between tidus and auron that I still really love, or endless skies, a really self-indulgent digimon fic. they're both old at this point, horizon road I started in 2005, and endless skies was in 2016. horizon road suffers from me having no solid ideas for it beyond the three chapters I wrote, and endless skies is painfully fully outlined, but it was such a hard, research-intensive fic to write for a number of reasons, and now looking at it also just reminds me of an ex-friend who I feel very negative towards (because I talked to them a lot while plotting/writing and they even wrote some of the smut scenes for me, though I've since removed those) and even if I wasn't still deeply entrenched in ffxv, I don't think I could bring myself to ever work on it again :/ which sucks because I did adore it very much.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

…okay, I think anyone who has read shadows growing and then has also read or even looked at my ignoct fics knows that the ignoct is very much present in shadows growing gjdskgjsk as much as I will swear up and down it's platonic, and people certainly can take it that way if they want, like. come on. it's there. at a point, it very much was intentional. BUT. it did start out accidental. the og prompt asked for either gen or OT4 and I don't ship OT4 so I was gonna do gen but noct and ignis kept blurring the lines when I started writing scenes with them gdsjkgdjkl aaaaand actually I didn't start monsters with the intention of it being ignoct either. (the ignoct bits in the first chapter I actually added in a rewrite of that chapter lmao.) nor the tiny little epilogue in heavy is the burden that nudges into hinting at ignoct territory. fuck, even the ignoct in my very first ffxv wasn't meant to be so overt as it was gjdsklgjks there's also tiny hints of it in some of my fayth's daddy issues week fics (not counting the one that's deliberately and stated to be ignoct).

…actually now that I'm writing this I'm realising very little of my ignoct has been deliberately planned at the start 😂 the sequel to shadows growing, grey skies, was planned, at least xD the promptio that shows up towards the end of the fic was an accident though gjsdkgljslk it just. happened??? I didn't even LIKE promptio when I started writing that fic. huh. maybe accidental shipping is just my thing in writing ffxv fics.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

wanted to answer this one, because, I'm NOT talking in terms of other people here. I don't mean to sound dismissive or ungrateful, because I do appreciate the people who read my fics, it makes me happy, but like. it's not why I write OR post. I'm not "producing content" for people; if someone is unhappy with me for not posting more fics, that's their problem. but in terms of myself… yeah, I do wish I had more to post. not because I feel like I've got some kind of arbitrary quota to meet. like, quite frankly, I have over a million words of fic posted on ao3, and given that I have a single unposted fic that's over 600K alone, I'm positive I have at least 2mil total words written. it's just that I wish I could write more consistently/frequently? I feel like I never write as much as I want to, and I know a lot of it is because of my worsening health, so maybe that's why I just feel so frustrated and dissatisfied with my output, but man, sometimes I look at my number of posted works on ao3 and feel like it's such a low number for how long I've been writing ): both for ffxv specifically and for all my fics total. I know it's silly, but the feeling persists nonetheless.

thank you again for the ask!! I feel happy getting to answer questions and ramble about my fics :D and it was really fun to think about my answers and realise a thing or two haha.

[okifyouinsist]

tagged by @killerandhealerqueen (i just keep forgetting abt this one SIGH but i have free time rn and im committed)

1. why did you choose your url?

growing up, i just wasn't a social media girl purely bc of the fact that my parents were super strict and I assumed they wouldn't allow me to have it and I just never really saw the appeal anyways. Then later a few friends basically forced me to make my first account and because i wasn't very creative and thought i was the funniest bitch ever i made my first user 'ifyouinsist' and it just kinda stuck ig

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

nope. i fear if i had a sideblog id end up neglecting it and forget abt it or make it my new main blog and neglect this blog and this blog is literally my baby

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

well i've had an account since like end of 2019, beginning of 2020???? (im pretty sure) i didnt like use my account tho i just had it to look at other ppls blogs not my own, i only acc recently made up my blog up properly and started posting this year when it was like 2 am and i was on holiday to visit my home country and my mum and my aunts were gossiping and i was like whatever who tf cares how late i am to a fandom and the rest was history

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope, my drafts are a terrifying place and if they ever saw light id die

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

to reblog pretty art and to compliment writers on ao3 AND on tumblr bc they deserve everything and more

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

logan sargeant. need i say any more???? hes my bsf in spirit

7. why did you choose your header?

loscar. LOSCAR. loscar. i am very much totally normal abt them i swear (lying through my teeth rn). they're just my everything unfortunately and sometimes i like to say the fist bump is their version of intertwining their fingers together

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

ik this bc it was the first i myself made and it was abt loscar obviously and i thought i was SO funny (im not) and its lowk still such a flop post but its MY flop post so here it is :)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

idk man im shy (scared of rejection) so i dont have a lot, like genuinely let me go see acc, oh ig its me and my 14 moots against the world i love you guys fr

10. how many followers do you have?

BYE my 26 followers are my 4 lifers fr (im such a flop this is hilarious)

11. how many people do you follow?

37 (sigh need to follow more ppl RN)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

im gonna be so real idk what defines as a shit post but most probably yeah

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

idk im acc really inconsistent like ill be MIA for 2 whole days and the next week ill be on tumblr like for most of my day when i can its very confusing like today ive not been on it a lot im academically locking in and all that

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ummm no. like. if i see someone i follow getting hate ill send them a supportive ask and then at the end of it be like anon ur such a loser get a life but other than that. nope.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

im very much neutral abt them, like idc if i need to reblog it yk if i want to i will if i dont then i wont

16. do you like tag games?

YES (said in a very normal voice)

17. do you like ask games

YES. i love getting asks id cry if someone sent an ask (i have one rotting away from a moot rn i WILL answer it i swear)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

can i say all my moots. i wanna say all my moots they're all famous in my eyes guys, i start tagging its gonna end with all my moots being tagged but like @killerandhealerqueen and @dwarvenchords were the first 2 ppl to come to my mind theyre both just the coolest fr

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah. i have FRIEND crushes on literally all of them tho. wanna be their friends SO bad

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Mamichula- Bizarrap

21. what are you currently watching?

in my docuseries era rn watching breakpoint (STILL)(i only have time on the weekends rn SIGH)

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

sweet. im such a 'lets skip the dinner and just get dessert' kinda girl

23. what is your current relationship status?

this is SUCH a complicated question to answer but heavily leaning more towards single

24. what is your current obsession?

sports. like just sports in general. like ive always been a casual fan of sports but i never used to take a deep dive into it but this year i decided to dive, and i dived VERY deep, so like motorsports, tennis, football, cricket, trying to get into hocky rn im collecting them atp. also. documentaries. like when i get time ill be binge watching like 5 documentaries i just love them sm

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

wish i could tell you fr, i mean, rn im re listening to SOUR by Olivia Rodriguez AGAIN bc thats the way my life is going SIGH, Olivia is my favourite basic artist fr, nothing compares to listening to SOUR for the first time in 2021

ANYWAYS, thanks again for the tag i really appreciate it, im gonna tag @ezisregrettinglifedecisions @fabeong @whatssthepooiintt

[dearweirdme]

I thank you for your detailed answer and I understand that things must not be easy for closeted ppl specially with their level of fame and I understand now the importance of choosing a bit more of artistic freedom and freedom in general but I still think that him agreeing to do this was one of the worse things he could have done for his career and i also feel now that him choosing to publicly do a lot of things that very much pointed at him and jk being together was really distasteful, I never would have thought this before but I just don't see the point of him wishing to make a point about his relationship with jk at all after doing what he did, I really wonder what was he thinking? Ppl won't take him seriously, won't take that relationship seriously at all, he's just harming his image bc he had that mediaplay above his head. There's just a lot of ppl thinking he's been gaybaiting all along instead of defending his gf, I guess this probably was important to him, sharing a bit about his real self while everyone was believing lies but it was such a bad choice now that I see it in retrospective. I didn't it take like that at all when all of this was happening I guess I just felt relieved that this hadn't changed and that he was still fighting but now it's like what are you even fighting? You did that and no one is going to seriously see anything statement in what you do with your bandmate, no one. And this will continue like that unless they ever come out which I doubt it will ever happen considering the choices they made. I remember even being somewhat upset back then for what I took as jk distancing himself from Tae publicly when I thought he needed the support the most but now I understand that he did it bc what is even the point in contradicting in any way a mediaplay he took part of and that has a purpose they must have agreed, was needed.

I really wish things would have been different and that Tae would have acted different, it's the way I'm 100% sure that tk are together and I have been for years and I still feel disappointed and I know is my fault for putting ppl I dont know personally into pedestals but it's just like I'm finding out that Tae is not as cool and brave as the person I had in my head and that also most ppl won't ever see him like that too and all the opposite bc of that mediaplay and the way he chose to act after it.

Seeing twt and TikTok and basically every platform after this is having a reminder that ppl really do see him as a coward, liar and a loser, even armys and idk when this will change, I don't think this at all bc i know it's not the truth and I used to get really defensive but now I have to accept that this are consequences of the choices he made, this and ppl never taking queerness related to him as anything but a joke or queerbaiting or fans deliriums

Hi anon!

responding to this ask:

Sorry for being late to respond to this, I've been sick these last couple of days (still feel awfull and pretty ligthheaded honestly, so If I seem weirder than usual... that's probably why.. also, I'm probably making more spellingmistakes than usual😶). I have had plenty of time to think about this though, because both this ask and your former one made me actually really sad... and I did want to think through why you felt like this, and why my feelings are so opposite. So here I go, and I don't mean to be harsh or insult, but at the same time.. this is how I feel.

We all have our own ideas about who we think an artist is. I think it is very clear that amongst fandom, there are many differetn thoughts going around about who Tae and Jk are as persons... what they are like on the inside. When we form an idea about who we think someone is, we also start getting expectations... and I think that is why it's almost unavoidable that at one point we get a bit dissapointed. It can be small disappointements (like, not liking an add, or a song, or that they smoke) but it can also be big dissapointments... like the one you are feeling right now. I think this also ties in with how so many were feeling negatively towards Jk when he didn't act how many wanted him to during Tae's Layover. Expectations were set (because of them being Tkk, but also because of how many perceived his actions during Jm's Face), and he failed misserably in many eyes.... but I digress.

We don't really know them well enough to be able to have that kind of expectations though.... especcially when it comes to their private lives (and when we talk about their closet, or their relationship... that is what those are). As Tkkrs we feel very connected to Tae and Jk. So much so, that at times we feel as though we are fighting alongside them. We make their battle ours. But ultimately it isn't. We can support them, and we definitely should.... but we should at the same time be aware that it is THEIR lives. Only they know the inns and outs of their lives, only they know what's at stake for real.. so they are the only ones who get to decide. So I understand that you might feel dissapointed because you feel you've been fighting for them so hard and now one of them made a choice that to you doesn't fit with what you think you've been fighting for... but at the same time I think you are wrong, because.. we don't know what it is that they are fighting for, and we don't know the exact inns and outs of their lives.

Personally, I've never fully felt as though they are fighting hard to be able to come out or to show us that they are romantically together. I just think that's not even an option for them at this point, both from a business perspective and a private perspective. There's a few instances where I feel Tae went a bit further (the insta pic before Paris, him posting only Jk and Bam before enlisting, the matching T-shirts). To me most of the other stuff is just them living their lives adn things we pick up on because we pay attention. So your and my starting point is different, I don't see them/Tae a someone who has been "wishing to make a point about his relationship with Jk". I think he has wanted to.. very much so, but don't think it is realistic to think that he wanted to out them. Your sentence "Ppl won't take him seriously, won't take that relationship seriously at all"... that's kinda what this is all about right, we're not supposed to take it seriously in a way. Because if everyone would take them seriously, they would be out.

Being in a shipping fandom will forever be weird. Would I reccommend it to anyone.. well, no 😂. It comes with a lot of highs but also with a lot of lows and I consider it to be a neverending rollercoaster of emotions in which you will actaully get bitchslapped from time to time. We will forever be fandom's punching bag. Are we to blame Tae and Jk for that? I personally don't.. and I've though about this hard the last few days. But my answer has continously been that: no, they didn't choose this. It's society that's wrong. That does not mean that I think they can never do anything wrong, there's things that would go too far for me as well. But imo that's not the case here. He did one walk, we don't know what he expected the fan response to be. Maybe he was expecting us all to brush past it with force like we do so many times. Maybe he thought it would have past already with that bua (which is what often happens). You are making a lot (!) of assumptions on his thought process and motives, when in reality we know nothing about it.

We know nothing about the actual hardships they have gone through. When I try to imagine what feelings they must've had throughout all these years of hiding is bad though. It's not just a case of not holding hands whne the camera's are off. It comes with being shamed, with feeling afraid, with feeling alone, with feeling wrong, with feeling you should let the other go because your just an obstacle to them, with feeling like maybe you should just leave, with feeling like you are letting everyone down... and that's just what I can imagine. We don't know the specific memories that haunt them. We know Tae has had mental health problems. To me it is not unimaginable that being closeted had a big part in that. I also think he always put the band before his own needs (wanting to resign for the members). I think the situation has been much more dire than any of us can guess. So when Tae chose an option (and we don't even know which other options there were) to maybe get some more freedom in at least one part of his life, I just think of him and his situation with a lot of empathy.

I suppose all the Taennie insanity from last week has bothered you. And maybe it made you feel as though we will never get rid of them. While I do think Taennie will have a bit of a long term effect, it's more in the sense of every now and then there will be an article refering to a rumored relationship. Taennies themselves will disapear sooner or later (as soon as Jennie is spotted with someone else basically). They are desparate, their ship meant nothing and is basically an empty vessel. Their is no real depth to it. I was kinda joking a while ago by saying I'll get a Jkk like essay in my inbox soon... but honeslty, Taennies aren't even able to leave an in depth essay.. because they have only bits of similar jewelry and edited pictures.

I have often said that Tae and Jk's relationship with Tkkr-fandom must be a complex one. It's a very onesided one, and I think we have to make amends with the fact that it's always going to be a one-sided one. That doesn't mean they don't appreciate us, but it does mean that they will probably never act out their appreciation.

[almostfoxglove]

hey there you enchantress of words and feelings

i am writing to you from the depths of a sleepless night (and extremely tired day at work with absolutely no regrets AT ALL would do it again no questions) spent rereading all of i’ll carry you and finishing the last chapter at the early hours of dawn with no one but the stark light of my humidifier to witness the tears rolling down my cheeks.

idek where to start? this was already one of my absolute favorite javi stories but now i think it might have just beat that to become the eternal javi story etched into the grooves of my brain.

i cried for her and her shattered heart that only has the strength to put itself back together for him. i cried for her and her shattered heart each time it thought it was done breaking for him. i cried for her and her shattered heart when it was finally settling (only settling because it would never beat for anyone else but him) for another soul even tho it wasn’t made to fit with another. i cried for her and her shattered heart when it saw him again and realized he would continue to shatter her every day now that he’s tangible again.

and then i read his pov (that i had put aside until this final chapter was released) and cried all over again for him and his shrinking heart that only unfurled in her presence. i cried for every time he came close to presenting his gentle heart at the pedestal of her but never actually did. i cried for all the years, days, and minutes that they were so close yet so far and not even the strongest forces could either bring them together or pull them away from the gravity of each other.

i cried because, i consider myself somewhat of a “late bloomer” - in my early twenties without much to show for romantic entanglements. not to say i haven’t loved because i have but never in a soul-shattering way. and i have cried many times for all that time that seems to have passed without my heart knowing where to put all that love it carries so easily. so reading about these two and how they find each other even after everything that has passed was almost like that weighted blanket that pulls javi under the depths of sleep. this story was that weighted blanket that gently enveloped my weary heart and slowly lulled it to sleep.

ANYWAY (jesus get a grip woman) i apologize for all this rambling. i just didn’t know where to put all these feelings that have been swimming through me all day, at work, hours after i read the last line. this story has taken up a special place in my heart and i will be revisiting as many times as i need to be enveloped by the love of these characters and lulled into a sense of security.

thank you for sharing this beautiful and soul warming piece of art with us and thank you for sharing all your scribblings with the world 🤍

i’m sure i’ll have more to say but for as of right now i’m gonna continue thinking about these two for as long as i can.

p.s. after reading the javi pov drabble i couldn’t help but wonder if you’ve thought about his pov for more situations? like when he leaves that second time (for four years) and when he pretends not to see her after the wedding dress day or any other times. i would love to keep swimming through his pov!

oh my god anon you're making me cry into my coffee rn (tears of LOVE) - I cannot believe how thoughtful and generous this is of you to write / send. speaking of enchanter of words & feelings hello?? this ask is poetry?? I am so fucking touched that you were so touched by I'll carry you - that series has been my favorite to work on so it just means so much that it's close to your heart, too.

I'm so glad that despite all it's angst (sorry to javi I swear you're my favorite pedro boy baby idk why I put you through the wringer with this one) that it's still a comfort to you?? like that's actually gonna make me full on weep to think about I'm so fucking honored <3

re: more javi pov - I am... certainly not opposed to this >:-) I've got a bunch in my writing queue that'll have to come first but I do intend to come back to these two in one shots in the future, sooooo I'm popping this in my ideas doc :,) I'm really so touched that you'd want to read more from them (sobsobsob)

thank you so much for reading & being so fucking sweet to me. I love you sm anon - I'm holding ur hand through the internet right now, ok? you're a fucking gem x

[osaemu]

mini-announcement, i probably won't be posting/interacting over the weekend because i have a big tournament and i'll be spending time with my team !! just a heads up in case you're wondering why i haven't replied to you or your ask yet :,) sorry about that 🤍

cw: discourse under the cut.

i didn't want to have to make this post, but lately i've been receiving a lot of anonymous asks about a certain blog and unfortunately, it's gotten to a point where i feel like i have to address it. don't take this post as being hateful in any way—this is just something i just wanted to get off my chest. this isn't a big deal, so no reblogs either, thanks.

the bottom four asks all came within a span of five minutes, so i think it's a reasonable assumption to make that they were all sent by the same person. as for who that is, i'll get into that at the end of the post.

but first of all, i can say without a doubt that i have a personality of my own. case closed. nobody's actually said how we're similar in any way, so i'll assume these are all from no-lifes who couldn't find anything better to hate on.

second of all, my netflix banner was actually inspired by another blog, who i won't namedrop for the sake of their peace. and either way, our banners don't even look similar, nor do either of us own netflix. x x

and finally, those are actually the two most braindead asks i've ever received. are we copyrighting letters now? does anyone own the letter e?

don't compare blogs/writers—it's never ended well, and it never will.

even after getting these asks, i still didn't say anything about it because.. i don't really care. everyone's entitled to their own opinion, and what you think of me is up to you.

moving on, i think tee left tumblr sometime in between that time and now, and i was told by a mutual that i was mentioned within the post. if i'm being completely honest, i didn't read all of it because we have each other blocked anyways and it was a lot to read through.. so i skimmed over the bit about me, but didn't really see anything of interest, which is why i didn't address it.

i also had anons on at the time, and i did think it was interesting how i didn't receive a single ask about tee from then up until today, about a month later. up until a couple hours ago, i hadn't even thought about her because, again, i don't care. this is tumblr dot com, not my love life. most of the drama here is over pixels anyways, so i don't waste my day thinking about it.

neither of these are particularly interesting, but the fact that you weirdos are still associating me with someone who i'm not even mutuals with is.. not to my liking.

idk what false accounts the second anon's talking about, because i don't go looking for drama. if you need proof, here's how many sideblogs i have... (click the image)

zero!

as for the idea that i'm jealous of tee, i'm perfectly fine with the amount of followers i have now. i've always been open about my satisfaction with my interaction rates, and that hasn't changed.

and obviously, tee's a good writer—when have i ever said otherwise? if it was based solely off of writing, i would say that she deserves every single one of her followers, maybe even more. i don't think anybody on this app would disagree with me when i say that she's genuinely one of the best fanfic writers i've come across.

however, i won't support someone just because i like their content. i've stopped listening to many artists because i didn't like who they were as a person, and similarly, once i read the reblogs on a certain callout post, i stopped consuming tee's content as well.

there's a reason i avoided making this post in the past—because i don't really have anything to say. tee and i have never had a directly negative interaction, as i'm sure you all can see in her archival post. the reason i don't support her anymore is because i didn't particularly like how she never spoke up about her followers sending death threats to other followers. that's it.

while i have my guesses as to who sent those anons, i don't care enough to find out. and i think it's better that way. this conflict's been dragged on for long enough, and this is my way of saying that i'd like to be excluded from this narrative from now on.

tee, if someone sends you this post at some point, feel free to contact me if you'd like to clear anything up. we're both adults, and i think we can agree that nothing monumental has happened between us to cause any of this. honestly, the only people dragging this on are the weirdo anons in my inbox.

to whoever's reading this post, thank you for listening to my side of the story—it was nice to be able to get this off my chest. wish me luck at my tournament, and i'll be back after the weekend !! 🤍

[itsblasttothepast]

About all the rumours and Checo's iconic post:

It's weird that people still talk about it when he made it clear many times that he will retire when he wants too but since the rumours never end I wanna talk too lol

About the pregnancy thing: even if Carola is expecting (which as you said - we don't know and it's none of our business) it's not like it's Sergio's first child, he hadn't retired before so why now? His family is obviously very important to him but he loves racing too and still has things he wants to do in the sport so like, why retire now and not idk, two kids ago? Where's the logic?

About his dad: while his health condition is also none of our business I don't think he would be the voice to tell Checo to retire - Mr. Antonio loves watching his son drive (has any of the retirement rumours fans seen how he behaves when he present during the races?) and he wants Checo to continue from what I've seen and heard.

About the iconic post: Sergio is a legend who is completely fed up with the media and he really gives zero fucks right now and I love it.

Sorry for the long ask

Don't worry anon, love the long asks!

Oh yes, when we have a break from F1, Checo is the favorite topic and not in a good way, but I'm glad he decided to stop with the rumors; still there are a few reporters who keep insisting in the retirement thing 🙄

Exactly my point! Checo has already four children, he knows how to manage that and his F1 career, and yes, he has said he wants to see his children grow, but he thinks he still has a few years to enjoy his dream, so IF Carola is pregnant, this has nothing to do with his F1 career. They have been in tighter spots before, like when Chequito was born and Checo was dealing with Force India not paying their employees, so he was about to lose his job and not drive anymore (nobody seems to remember he put his own money and he had a baby). If he felt the need to retire, it would be in that moment.

Also, as an extra note, the children Checo has, surprisingly has nothing to do with you, dear haters (I say this because I got an ask saying that Checo should retire to his 4000 children and focus on that).

Totally agree with you anon, Don Antonio has always prioritized his son's dream. He's proud of Checo, even if he doesn't win or get podiums, and he said in an interview that even if he had died after his heart attack, he would have wanted Checo to race, in his memory (it was a very intense interview, but Don Antonio has always been very upright).

This rumor is so insane, and also the way it was presented, like RBR was giving Checo a 'decent' out instead of firing him... honestly, I still believe RBR can screw Checo over, but I'm so sure he will take them down with him if they dare doing something, so I feel this is why Horner is so bitter lately (and Marko super calm, it's disturbing).

But honestly, I'm enjoying this no fucks given era of Checo, he deserves to be treated with respect, and if he has to be a cunt about it, then bring it!

[doveshovel]

anon is right, more hunter lore.

he's very fun. love your ideas.

Do you mind if I ask what goes on regarding all the magic stuff? Is he Aideen-adjacent or just kind of vibing? Somewhere in-between? I know there's some drama going on with Sabine 🤔

I wasn't expecting my guy to get this much attention, thank you guys!

Going to be completely honest here: I'm a very new player who only really started playing SSO in January of this year, and took about a month's break from the main quests in March. As a result, I've almost definitely forgotten a lot of important lore surrounding Aideen/soul rider magic, and don't have many of the magical shenanigans in Hunter's story fully thought out :'))

But! It has definitely been on my mind. Hunter's specific role among the soul riders + his relationship with the different circles of magic are works in progress so here's what I've been working with so far!

(Content warning for some (pink) blood in image!)

Lately, I've been messing with the idea (just for fun) that Hunter's a conduit for Aideen, rather than a descendant or reincarnation. He has almost no magical power of his own, and relies pretty much entirely on the whims of an incorporeal, deity-like being to perform any kind of soul rider magic. Essentially, he gets partially possessed every now and again when what remains of Aideen's soul decides that it would be beneficial to the fate of Jorvik and/or its inhabitants. During this "possession", Hunter functions as a point at which her soul (which I think was supposed to be scattered among the horses, people, and nature of Jorvik? correct me if I'm wrong. Hunter's lore google doc is in dire need of revision and organization anyways) can condense enough to produce magic from any of the four circles, and create the illusion that he's the mystical fifth soul rider.

Other bits of this idea from the google doc:

The four runestones in Valedale respond to a concentrated "presence" of Aideen, rather than to Hunter himself.

He's aware of this. Aideen's not of this world in cannon (emerged from a falling star), and practically dissolved into the entire island of Jorvik. Containing even a fraction of her soul in a human body is a jarring experience that can cause a lot of issues for the "host" ranging from minor side effects (cold sweating, shortness of breath, dizziness, headaches, fatigue, muscle aches, mild nausea, etc.) to more severe (short memory gaps, nosebleeds, migraines, loss of consciousness, insomnia, severe nausea, visual disturbances and/or hallucinations, auditory disturbances and/or hallucinations, etc.).

Maybe losing so much of his memory and original personality in the process of getting to Jorvik counts as losing part of a soul? So it creates a kind of "empty space" that Aideen's own soul is able to fill whenever she so chooses, and that's why Hunter works as a conduit/vessel, rather than a reincarnation. Idk. May have to workshop this.

The soul riders, valiant reincarnations of previous soul riders. +This one guy who has a weird thing with the local deity

Hunter and Aideen have a similar relationship to roommates who butt heads frequently but have no intention of leaving to seek a better roommate. but in Hunter's brain/soul/body. Bodymates. Soulmates (derogatory) (not romantic) (not platonic either). Symbiotic relationship. Both parties benefit and Hunter recognizes the necessity of it for saving Jorvik but he's still having a very bad no good time with the side effects, and he's still mad at her for letting him die.

This is the idea that I like working with the most so far, but I'll update y'all if there's something better in the works! :^D

As for Sabine: I was in a weird headspace while making that little comic of Hunter and Sabine up in Dinosaur Valley. At the time, it was just intended to be the end of Hunter's story. He'd be a spooky character who haunts the forest up in the valley as a ghost and that's that. Maybe the world's doomed by Garnok now, maybe the keepers find someone to replace him. Hunter doesn't know, he's dead on a mountainside and doomed to spend eternity wandering in search of an escape from Sabine.

A couple weeks after making that scene, I decided I didn't want that to be the end of his story. Just because it's kind of sad :( As much as I delight in making Hunter's wildly out of place string of crimes for a backstory, and making him experience endless horrors, Star Stable's very much a happy game for me. It's something I couldn't afford as a 10 year old but desperately wanted, and bought for myself with adult money a decade later to live out some old horseboy dream with beloved pixel horsies. :) To end my first (and so far only) player character's story there feels like a disservice, so I've got that scenario tucked away as a sort of AU/alternate timeline thing. It's still very fun to draw and think about because I love giving characters horrors to experience, but I want him to keep going on horse adventures in Jorvik :D

I decided that he does in fact die there in the Hidden Valley though. Not many people can survive that kind of thing after all. Aideen, however, decides she doesn't want to lose her vessel just yet, and Hunter's resurrected through a combination of the power of horsies and friendship Aideen's connection to the star circle and WizardEgg's (Starter horse) Starbreed magics. Magical resurrection results in the ability to channel more of Aideen's magic, but also the worsening of side effects, and a glowing star-shaped scar on his forehead that appears when using said magic.

^Old doodle from when I was playing around with negative side effects of magic :)

The whole scene creates a point of tension between he and Aideen. Hunter thinks Aideen could have done more to prevent it, and isn't particularly fond of the new, worsened magical side effects. Aideen isn't mortal and so doesn't think the way mortals do. She sees her vessel as having gained more power, and knows he'll come to understand the value of that power in the future. She's right, but he's still going to be mad about it.

As for Sabine? Hunter's still scared of her! Her and all the dark riders! They're spooky 👻 and he's a bit of a coward! Hunter lost a lot of his nerve/confidence with his memories during the boating incident, along with coordination and a couple other odds and ends.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi Ms PMD9🌸a lot of wild stuff has been happening in my life lately but it's in a good way I feel? I could never find the time to slow down for my usual hobbies because I've been so.. interested in what I'm doing IRL which is pretty e.O. Quite a new emotion for me! I started college a few weeks back & have been slowly getting out of my shell & just did a handful of days ago! :-) I was feeling pretty lonely in campus & felt a bit lost in what to do so I turned to my tarot deck & knowing her, she just gave me more confirmation for my intuition on what I needed to do (which is just to reach out first).

As a guy who doesn't typically do that sort of thing, it felt ...Nerve wracking but I eventually did to the first guy who came into mind out of all the people in my block & it went pretty well! It's only now that I understand how good it feels to take control of your life because, well... you're the one who's living it so might as well. It's only in recent years that I realized I let relationships happen to me so stepping out of that circle was a "woah" moment.

I know the people around me there are likeminded people considering the course I chose, it's just that I haven't gotten to know them very well yet(& the fact that we see each other in-person twice a week isn't helping lol), so I want to take more steps forward, even if I'm a bit late in doing so. I trust that where I am is a place for me to grow more as an individual & in situations like these, I could feel it.

this makes me happy 😭🙏 thanku for sharing your good life progress w me... At the end you said you think you're a bit late in doing stuff like this but no need to be hard on yourswlf i dont think thats true : ) Many people of all ages struggle to reach out & initiate social activities , it can get hard once ur older too And no longer in a setting like school so i think youre right on track 👍

its inspiring ur taking initiative and recognizing the power to shape your life comes from You first ^_^ Enjoying irl is the most important its why ive not been online lately i feel kind of bad cus i hope no one on here thinks i am a neglectful friend/mutual i just really want to make sure im enjoying being presence. A lot of stuff has been happening in a upward spiral for me too since i been taking control of my reality So i relate to this message a lot even if we are at fdifferent stages in life 🐎

Keep doing your think and following your intuition ➡️ Never be afraid to make the first move ;D Thankyou again for messaging 🪷 idk why im answering at 1am but i hope ur having a pleasant eclipseful night Anon 🌕💛 PMD9!

[youremyheaven]

what color theme combos do you currently love? it can be related to interior design, fashion, accessories, basically anything that can be viewed as aesthetically pleasing 👀

OOOOH

over the last couple of months, ive been completely loving the colours green (like olive green or a more foresty green??) and blue (like the ocean) and i feel like its because my heart chakra and throat chakra have been activated hehe

themes related to my heart and throat chakras have been the most prominent in my life as well

anyways thats a random tangent (me all the time bc i can never get to the point of anything<3)

i have been OBSESSED with wearing animal print lately and i own sooo many cheetah printed thingsss. my outfits are basically the same but i feel like its simpler ??? patterned or printed skirt with lacey tank top is how i go these days

this is a very messy moodboard lol but its like island girl + mob gf ish i guess but a more subdued version of it

idk why i find it so hard to talk these days, i hate talking to ppl lolllll. i hate when ppl irl ask me questions, like girl shut up i have nothing to say to you, im just here to vibeeee

edit: i feel like I sound really rude in the last part. I am in no way trying to be mean to u anon, I was just explaining why I've been quiet for a while on this blog and how even irl I generally don't talk much 💀but i appreciate the asks and I look forward to running this blog again 🫶🏻

[yanderes-galore]

yandere deimos having to hide darling from everyone else

Orderly Anon [💉]

This is what I've got. Idk what exactly you wanted so this I what I did. It's a concept of life with Deimos after being kidnapped is since I don't do a lot of those concepts.

Yandere! Deimos with Kidnapped! Darling

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Post kidnapping, Isolation, Jealousy, Possessive behavior, Manipulation, Minor violence, Forced companionship.

"I'm doing this to protect you, I'm doing this for us!"

Such a line is no doubt what Deimos tells you as a squirrels you away from everyone you know and love.

Deimos could have many reasons as to why he's kidnapped you.

Whatever he told you, like in the line above, is most likely a twisted version of the truth.

Deimos is a selfish person who simply took what he felt he was entitled to.

He is definitely the type of yandere to hide away his darling from everyone.

Despite him saying he took you for your own protection, in reality he is much more driven by jealousy than fear.

Deimos doesn't mind lying to your face if it means you'll be more compliant in his actions.

He'd find an abandoned building to hide you in before dragging you there.

He doesn't make it all pretty like Sanford would, but he makes it lovable.

He boards up windows, cleans up rooms, puts in a mattress or two, and even finds a way to make electronic locks on the door.

When he takes you in he is rather rough.

He doesn't really have access to drugs like 2B does, so he has to make do.

He can either use the back of one of his guns to knock you out... or lure you away with him before locking you in.

Either way works for him as long as it gets you to his desired location.

Now while Deimos may seem cruel at times, he also has moments where he shows genuine care

He apologizes if he's hurt you, he apologizes his behavior...

But then he rants about how he's been feeling lately.

He hates others around you.

He doesn't like how they look at you, he feels they're stealing you from him.

As a result he has you here, under his care.

Sure, it may not look pretty now, but you can both decorate it.

He's sure you can both find something.

Deimos keeps trying to reason with you and himself.

He wants you to stop making him out to be the bad guy.

He feeds you, gives you warmth, and tries to make things work as your provider!

Yet you only want freedom.

He's worked hard to hide you from everyone else for a reason.

Call him crazy, insane, delusional, he really doesn't care.

What he does care about is keeping you here all to himself.

He's had enough of watching and playing nice.

Now he gets to have you all to himself.

The thought brings a grin to his face.

You can fight him all you want... but Deimos is stubborn.

You're going to stay here... hidden away...

All so he can have you for his eyes only.

[fallen-faerie]

I noticed you haven't been as active on social media as you were even a few months ago.. is there any reason? I hope ur okay🖤

aw thank you for checking up on me🥺 honestly i've been struggling on and off with my mental health and trying to find medication that works. i've had it switched a couple times recently and even had a super bad reaction to one that landed me in a mental hospital. (well it was a combination of medication and other stuff.)

i think ive finally found one that works but as most psyche meds do, they've been making me act different. i've grown a bit tired of the kind of content i've been making for a long time now. my interests haven't changed at all. i still have the same interests, i'm just bored of the way i've been presenting them and myself if that makes sense😂

idk if bored is the right word. the "aesthetic"/overall vibe of my social media usually reflects the way i feel. and right now when i log on i see all the things i like but its presented in a way that doesn't feel like myself. its still me but i think in the last couple months i've grown a lot now that i've actually taken steps to learn about my newly diagnosed autism and started getting legitimate help for my bipolar disorder.

what it really comes down to is i just need to organize my brain and my pages on here a lot. i plan on revamping my tumblr and all my other social media to fit how i'm currently feeling. but i just haven't felt like doing it because the smallest tasks like that have reaaally been draining me mentally. it fucking sucks. but its been a lot better since i've had a bit of time to adjust to all the changes i've made for myself.

so i'm thinking i'll probably do a big "update" to all my social media either within the next few days or soonish lol sorry its taken me so long to answer ur anon. like i said, i've been mentally exhausted for a long time now and i just didnt know what the problem was until i was able to start thinking more clearly. having bipolar disorder is so difficult. because its both mania and depression. and it makes it extremely difficult to organize my thoughts when i'm struggling. idk if "regular" ppl deal with that but its always been an issue for me.

my content will most likely still be the same. i just might start adding some new stuff here and there and incorporate a lot of the new styles and aesthetics i've been into as of late. and perhaps diversify my content a bit too, because i have a lot of interests and fascinations with many things that i don't even post about online! 🥰

i hope i was able to give u an answer in the least confusing way possible. i'm terrible at explaining things. especially about myself😂 hence why most of the questions i answer always end up being paragraphs 😭

[deesi-academia]

hey, I saw the anti swiftie post. If you're comfortable mag I know the reason why? I am kinda neutral about her but I feel like I should know stuff. I understand if you don't wanna answer this. Take care <3

(also I agree the swiftie fandom is kinda annoying lmao)

hello old old old anon ask I'm so sorry for replying so late but yeah hi 😭

I have tons of time on my hands for the next.... 30 minutes so let's get into it. I'll list a time line of my thought process to how I came to the 'ex-swiftie' conclusion:

1. She released a song called "renegade" which is good, but I found some lines problematic and unexpected, because I used to hold swift to a pedestal (guilty as charged).

The lines were 'is it insensitive of me to say get your shit together so I can love you' and 'is it really your anxiety stopping {something love something idk} or do you just not want to?' SOOOOO yeah these thew me off a little.

2. Her album Midnights came out which I ADORED, became my fav so quick. But then her multiple variations of vinyls etc threw me off again. This is when the Bad Feeling About Her started setting in.

3. Then she released the song 'You're losing me' which just BLARED red flags to me even though the song is actually good. It's the first time I think, where she hinted that she broke up with her bf (Joe Alwyn) because of his mental illness.

4. The ongoing carbon emissions controversy lol, and her buying carbon credits... like it just felt like a "hah I'm rich so I can do whatever wrongs i want and buy it out" moment. I really hated that, since I live in a pretty polluted city so it hit close to home.

5. She threatened to sue the teenager who published PUBLIC data about her flights. Bad.

6. The entire free palestine movement gained momentum and she stayed silent. She has her image as the American Princess and Activist Who Can Do No Wrong. Feminist Queen. Speaker For Those Who Can't Speak. Yada Yada.

I simply hated her billionaire self as she chose to stay silent (and still is). To call off the criticism she and her bestie Selena went to a live comedy show where the comedian donated his earnings for Gaza relief. LIKE. ??????? Basic billionaire below underground level of "donation"???? This had to be a joke. It was not.

I think this incident was the final straw for me where I realized I can't support her if she's such a human being. That's not what my morals stand for thank you very much.

7. I REALLY tried to separate the art from the artist but I couldn't. Not with my sane mind and strong ethics. AND THEN the entire Matty healy debacle. He's a misogynistic, racist, zionist, ugh of a person.

I don't think anyone can date someone with such drastic opposing values. So the Taylor-Matty era further tarnished her image in front of me.

8. Fast forward and she releases her new album The Tortured Poets Department. That's it this was my final straw. You can just Google and go on a reddit thread about how problematic this album is. I'll probably write a long ass essay on it. Anyway this is where I decided I'm done, back in April.

Since then I've just been trying to cope with losing my fav artist because of the person she turned out to me. And people say we shouldn't hold celebs to such high standards but bro. Taylor PROMOTES parasocial relationships. SHE held her image to that standard until recently. There's an entire documentary on Netflix about that - Miss Americana.

So yeah she let me down from the pedestal she put herself on. It's been 2+ months and I'm still coping, because I genuinely lost a very important part of my life - her music. It has got me through tough times and I have many good memories associated with those songs.

Anyway, here's to new artists to love ONLY for their music lol 🥂