#idk why he smiled like that at the end but I sure do know tht it’s makin go feral

[nateezfics]

[ptergwen]

Hey! I was wondering if you could do a fluffy type thing based on the gif of ur navigation page. Ya know the scene in the movie where he can see whos doing what on their phones? and maybe the reader is like talking about their crush on him? i think tht woukd be a rly cool concept. but you dont have to do it if you dont want to :)

this is really cute omg i never would’ve thought of it either :,)

i couldn’t find the gif in question but close enough

“i have access to the entire stark global security network, including multiple defense satellites,” edith tells peter as he looks around the bus through his glasses. “as well as back doors to all major telecommunication networks,” she adds on. peter’s eyes go wider, images of his classmates’ and teachers’ phones popping up.

“woah,” he mumbles to himself. he can see people’s texts, google searches, everything. peter can’t help but be curious about what you’re up to. you’re sitting alone and kind of hunched over in your seat, so he assumes your phone is out. that gives him an idea.

“um, edith?” peter asks for his new... friend. she responds almost immediately. “yes, peter?” “what’s y/n doing?” your picture, name, and a view of your screen show up in his glasses. “i can’t believe that worked” he mutters and glances over at you again in person. you sit a few rows ahead of him.

he’d wanted to sit with you for the ride, but dimitri wouldn’t let him. something about blowing his cover.

peter focuses in on your screen again. you’re texting mj, in long paragraphs, and her messages back are just as lengthy. it seems like it’s a pretty personal conversation. maybe he shouldn’t be snooping on you. “edith, could you-“ his heart beats a little faster when he sees his name come up. he’s technically not snooping if it’s about him.

“yes, peter?” edith prompts him. “never mind,” he dismisses her, wanting to find out why he was mentioned. he sneaks a quick peek at mj to make sure she hasn’t caught on. she has a habit of always being in his business. she’s across the bus with brad next to her, so she hasn’t picked up on the fact that peter is watching you two.

chewing on your bottom lip, you type out your next message. peter jumps in his seat as it flashes across the screen.

you

i really like him and i thought he liked me too but he’s been kind of like... idk avoiding me the whole trip?

“i’m not avoiding her!” peter whisper yells, biting the inside of his cheek while he waits for mj to reply. it then hits him what you said in the first part. you like him. not just like him, really like him. he could pass out right now and call this a dream. he’s been crushing on you for a while, but he was too scared to say something. this is definitely a confidence booster.

mj

wdym avoiding you? he’s been ditching the whole class y/n/n. kinda sus if u ask me

you

stopppp 😭 maybe he has something going on bc he’s been weird since before we left

mj

uh he’s been weird his whole life

peter purses his lips at that, eyebrows furrowed in offense. he can’t believe nick fury is ruining his love life. or, the potential of him having a love life. you could’ve been cuddled up next to him and listening to music together right now. he’d made a playlist for the trip of both your favorite songs, that specific reason being why.

but, no. nothing that isn’t superhero related can ever go peter’s way. he’s had enough of fury and his team controlling him.

you

i don’t wanna get dramatic or whatever but should i just give up? if peter is busy i don’t wanna overwhelm him

“thanks, edith. you can stop showing me now,” peter decides, getting up from his seat before he loses his nerve to. he makes his way through the aisle and over to you. “i said all kids stay seated!” dimitri scolds him with a stern look through the front mirror. he doesn’t actually care if people get up, he just wants to keep peter away from everyone else. good thing he’s the one driving so he can’t do anything about it.

“sorry!” peter calls back, making you look up from your phone. giving him a lopsided smile, you quickly shut it off. you didn’t expect him to be the rule breaker getting yelled at. “hey,” you greet him. “hey. can i sit with you?” peter smiles back, without the nervousness. he already knows your feelings are mutual.

you scoot closer to the window so there’s more room. “yeah, always.” “thanks,” he breathes out a laugh and takes his seat. “i like your glasses. when did you get those?” you compliment, loving the way the blue frames sit on his face. peter squints at you. “glasses? what glasses- oh.” he’d forgotten to take them off before coming over. great, now he needs an excuse.

“they... they, um, at this store in venice...” that’s all he can come up with. you’re guessing the glasses have something to do with his stress lately, and you’re not far off. you let him leave it at that. “well, they look really good on you. really really good,” you laugh and get a laugh of relief out of peter as well. “thank you, y/n/n.” “you’re welcome.” you’re grinning for real now, and being the cause of it makes peter so happy.

he’s ready to shoot his shot.

“do you wanna, um, listen to music with me?” peter asks softly over the loud rumbling of the bus. “i made a playlist... for us.” for us. him coming over here, thinking of you like that, the doubts you were having earlier are starting to fade away. you nod, a giggle slipping out of you. “yeah, we can share my earbuds. thanks, peter.”

you unzip your backpack and grab them, peter biting back another grin. this is working out exactly how he wanted it to. you hold out an earbud to him and put yours in. peter does the same, adjusting his while both of you move in so the wire doesn’t stretch. yup, that’s why. definitely not so you two can be closer.

“can i plug these in?” peter asks, taking the connecting end of the wire. “mhm,” you hum and watch him put it into his phone. he opens up spotify and goes to his playlist, titled with a smiley face and every pink heart emoji. that brings yet another smile to your face. “aw, that’s cute,” you comment, taking a leap of faith and resting your head on peter’s shoulder.

peter hits shuffle and makes a move of his own by resting his head on yours. he lowers the music a bit so he can say something to you, confess to you what he finally has the courage to you. “hey, y/n?” he mumbles, waiting for you to look at him. you already were. “i like you.” you settle into peter even more and let out a content sigh. “i like you, too.”

[merminns]

No regrets

Erwin Smith x Reader

❧ Request: Hii may i request...Erwin angst...when (S3 spoiler) Erwin march toward the 🐒 with the other soldier, instead of him tht went, it was the reader. Reader just cant make the humanity lost their commander so when he is distracting (idk something happened) reader just take their horse n march with the soldiers, (then do ur magic DETAILS like ur erwin stories✨✨) n levi also decide not to save us like in the s3....shshsh i know this lame :33

❧ Content/Warnings: platonic levi x reader, season 3 spoilers, angst, mentions of injuries and blood, reader dies in the end 

❧ Word count: 3k

❧ Notes: this is a repost from my old blog

Going back to shiganshina after all of these years was a huge deal. Especially after the glorious send-off you were given by the citizens of Wall Rose. You came back to reclaim Wall Maria after six long years, you’re taking back your land and defeating the titans that filled your hearts with terror, cause that’s what heroes do.

But in reality, it didn’t really feel that way to you. Instead of being the hero who’s facing their fear, you feel like a terrified child living in a nightmare.

You expected a fight with the titans, of course, you did. Taking back your land won’t come without a fight, without losses. And it’s not your first time facing titans.

You’ve been fighting them for years now, getting rid of them one after the other alongside your friends. Your records are filled with a decent number of kills and you are proud of it.

But this… this is different, you’ve never been in this situation before. You fought titans and you watched them kill your comrades in the worst ways imaginable, but never in your various years within the survey corps did you ever imagine that these monsters would show this tactical intelligence.

It made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Titans are a nightmare on their own, with intelligence like that you’re surely done for.

When you came to shiganshina you expected a fight against the armored and the colossal, even the beast titan, but not a tactical war with pure titans that follow command, and most certainly not rocks killing your most skilled comrades and caging you against the wall.

Despite your fear, you felt a sarcastic chuckle slip past your lips. You’ve lived for years with nightmares of being eaten, and now you’re dying in a titan game of baseball, how pathetic.

Your eyes drifted to Erwin and Levi who were having a private conversation nearby as you tried to calm the panicking recruits. Erwin… your commander, your love, the man who never knew how to back down. He's not in the best physical state, but he just had to come along. He had to be here even though he knew he won't be able to fight.

Despite the fear eating at your heart, you kept your composure, that’s the least you owed your commander. After the recruits calmed down, you made your way to where Erwin and Levi stood. Their conversation halted as you stood in front of them, their eyes holding something unreadable in their depth.

"I'm hoping these looks mean you came up with a plan… " You spoke, your voice coming with the quiver you never hoped to show.

A moment of silence passed, a look shared between Erwin and Levi… if this meant anything then you weren’t about to hear good news. There was tension in the air as Erwin explained his plan to you. It was then that you understood the look in their eyes, you think a similar one can be seen in your eyes now.

It finally dawned on you that this is the end. There is no way out of this war alive. Erwin's plan had a single meaning; if you keep standing where you are, you'll be flattened by the rocks thrown at you by the beast, and if you fight back, you die. You'll have to give your lives so Levi could deal with the Beast Titan.

You always knew this day would come. A war with the titans can’t end without casualties. The survey corps numbers were always changing. These are all facts, but you had hoped it wouldn’t be like this.

The fear was eating at your insides, it’s impossible to face titans without it, but you knew ever since your very first day with the corps that you’ll have to be ready to give your life. You were ready to accept it… that is, until Erwin spoke up again.

"We'd have to ask these young people to give up their lives. You'd need the skills of a first-rate con man to come up with a reason that convincing, so I doubt any of them would charge forward unless I was leading the way."

His words are like a slap back to reality, it wasn’t just your life you were giving. All of your remaining comrades will have to give theirs too, including the commander. The survey corps are going to be wiped out in a crazy move of mass suicide. But it wasn’t only your lives that would have to be given, and all it took was one look in Erwin’s eyes to know where this was going.

"Which would mean I'd be the first to die, " Erwin said and you held your breath waiting for his next words "without ever learning… what was in that basement."

You knew it, you knew this was coming but it still hurt. Amid this chaos, you managed to forget the reason why Erwin insisted to be here in the first place.

'Oh, Erwin, if only you weren't so stubborn' The words were dancing on the tip of your tongue but you couldn’t speak.

Of course, Erwin has dreams, he’s just as much of a human as everyone here. While most of the corps were fighting for freedom or revenge, Erwin was fighting for the truth, for evidence that his father’s death meant something.

The look of shock on Levi’s face came nowhere close to the pain you felt. You joined the scouts for a purpose, too. Your dream was freedom, you hoped to be free of the confinement and the terror that the existence of the titans brought. But, now that you think about it, you did get a taste of freedom.

You were free from the confinement of the walls on your horse, feeling the air rushing through your hair and over your skin every time you went out on an expedition.

You were free of terror every time you raised your swords to cut through the nape of a titan’s neck. Every time you brought a titan down you had a taste of the freedom you were chasing.

And the people who fought for revenge, didn’t they get that too? They killed titans, they felt the satisfaction of getting rid of the enemy who hurt them and their loved ones.

The only dream that was never given a chance was Erwin’s. How unfair could the world be to take away the only chance from the man who helped give almost every soldier in the scouts a taste of their dreams? No… he can’t die, not yet.  

You let Erwin give his speech. That’s one thing that no one else can do. Erwin is the only one who can convince the recruits, crying out in fear, to stand tall and fight back as they take their last breaths of the air filled with the smell of dust and death.

As Erwin and the recruits were absorbed in their final thoughts and the speech, you slightly pulled on Levi’s sleeve pulling him back several steps.

The first step of your plan came into action as you answered Levi’s questioning look with a whisper “I want you to distract him.”

“What?” Levi asked, the confusion only growing on his face.

“I want you to distract Erwin. He is giving his speech, I’ll lead the recruits to their death,” you say, your whole being pleading that Levi would agree to help you. He has to, this won’t work out without his help.

“But—”

“Levi, please. The scouts still need him, you know that!” you pause glancing back at Erwin to make sure he’s not listening “When it’s time to move, I want you to pull him aside, tell him it’s something important. It’ll only take a few seconds, then you can carry out your part of the plan and kill the beast.”

“And how do you plan to stop Erwin from following you?”

“I’ll take any extra horses with me, he won’t be able to help you kill the beast and his odm gear won’t do much for him to follow after me,” you held your breath, your eyes pleading. This has to work “Please! Just do me this final favor.”

A moment passed as Levi glanced at Erwin then back to you, his expression unreadable. It was obvious your sacrifice isn’t just for the sake of the corps. “...Fine, but you’ll have to be quick”

“I’ll do my best… Thank you, Levi” the smile that spread across your face was blinding. It held so much gratitude, a final thank you combined with a goodbye.

It didn’t take long for Erwin’s words to give everyone back their composure. You helped everyone fall in line as fast as possible. You are running out of time. The houses around you are almost flattened. You have to move forward, this has to work. You can’t fail this, it has to be meaningful, for you, for the recruits who’ll pay their lives with you, for the whole of humanity… and most importantly, for Erwin.

Everyone is on their horses but it’s not time to move yet. You let your eyes meet Levi’s for one last time giving him a slight nod, signaling for him that you’re ready as you settled on your horse.

Levi stopped Erwin from riding his horse beside you, telling him there’s something important that he has to know first and pulling him aside. He walked Erwin as far from you and the recruits as possible without making it seem suspicious.

Erwin followed urgently after Levi not even allowing you one last look at his face. But that was ok, you didn’t need to see his face, it was already burned to the back of your eyelids.

It all took a few seconds, once you saw Levi and Erwin start talking you took hold of Erwin’s horse and started screaming encouragements for the recruits to charge as you rushed forward. Erwin’s shock had him freeze for a couple of seconds and that was enough for you.

You charged forward with the recruits right after you. Levi waited for a few more seconds to make sure Erwin wouldn’t follow after you. When he was sure you were far enough he took off towards his target, leaving Erwin standing there alone his eyes wide in shock.

Your screams of encouragement were so loud, louder than Erwin ever heard them. They were loud enough that even though you were too far away for him to follow he could still hear your voice filled with determination.

You didn’t look back, there was no reason to. This is the right decision, this plan will work and Erwin will lead what’s left of the scouts to victory. Your life is a small price to pay, it’s nothing compared to the rest of the lives that were already lost.

You can see the beast drawing his hand back, getting ready to shower you with the next round of crushed boulders. Your yelling never stopped even though your throat was running sore from all the screaming.

You didn’t stop when the flares were shot, not when the rocks started showering the frontline lead by you. You didn’t stop when the rocks started growing larger in your vision, you hardly even saw them. All you could see was the future, a bright one without the titans and the fear and the pain. You could see the past, the best and the worst of it. All the memories that you shared with every single one of your comrades.

You kept yelling for everyone to rush forward as tears ran down your face. It’s going to be ok, you had all you ever needed. It was time for you to follow through the same path your fallen comrades walked.

Your screams were cut short when the first rock hit you, sharp pain running through your whole body and the world started spinning as you fell off your horse. The tears still filling your eyes helped blind you, sharp whistles filling your ears and the ever-growing pain flowing through you in waves.

You could hear screams of the fallen around you, hidden behind the ringing in your ears. You could feel the air rushing across your skin as the soldiers rushed past you on their horses. Your mind was as paralyzed with pain as your body.

You just laid on the ground, your tear-filled eyes directed to the blue of the sky but the world has lost its color. It went on forever until you were numb, you have lost all feeling, the only thing you can hear is the sound of your heart growing faint as the blood pooled around your body.

You let your eyelids cover your eyes like curtains, your mind swimming somewhere between consciousness and an endless void. You could hardly feel a thing.

It almost felt like falling asleep, your grasp on reality slipping away. But through the back of your mind, the tiny part that was still conscious could feel your body being moved by someone and a rapid rush of air running across your skin.

It gave a jolt to your brain as if something is trying to pull you back to reality but you were too weak. All you wanted was some rest, you just wanted to sleep.

It was a shock to everyone that you’re still alive. You were in bad shape after losing so much blood. Your breath was faint, but it was there and it was enough for you to be revived by the injection. Armin’s state was worse, the fact he was still breathing was a complete miracle, his whole burned away.

Through your clouded consciousness, you could register voices and movement around your body that laid motionless close to Armin’s. It took everything in you to open your eyes, to try to make out the words being yelled back and forth around you.

Through your blurry vision, you could make out the outline of a face so close to yours, peering down at you. You couldn’t see clearly but you knew it was Erwin. Your hearing wasn’t fully registered but you could make out a few words, things like ‘Armin’, ‘Injection’, ‘need’, and your name.

Your foggy mind could barely understand what was going on, but questions started to fill up the part of your consciousness still present.

Were you dying? The last thing you remember is sharp pain rushing through you in waves, but it seems more like a distant memory.

Was Armin dying? If there are mentions of Levi’s injection then this surely is the case.

A few seconds passed when a new figure appeared in your limited line of vision looking down at you over Erwin’s shoulder. Both of them shifted around until the short figure disappeared again, leaving you with Erwin.

Erwin’s voice was so close to your ears, faint whispers about how it’s going to be alright falling past his lips. You felt a huge hand wrap gently around your forearm, followed by a sharp object touching your arm. The injection!

“No,” The barely audible whisper that left you halted Erwin’s actions as his eyes shot to your face “Did we win?”

It felt like too much time has passed before you heard Erwin’s reply “Yes, it’s over”

You were using up too much of your energy to fight back the fog filling your mind. Just a few seconds more, a few more and you’ll allow yourself some rest.

“Save… Armin” your voice was growing weaker, breaths growing shorter.

It broke Erwin’s heart. He was once again being selfish, everyone else chose to save you because you had more experience. To them, you were more valuable to the scouts, with the exception of Armin’s friends who couldn’t accept the fact of him dying.

And Erwin? He wasn’t much different. He wanted to save you because he needed to. He needed to scold you for the stupid move you pulled. He needed to tell you that he would’ve preferred dying by your side than be faced with your death. He needed you to live.

You didn’t understand, he can’t let you die. There was no time for him to explain how valuable you are to the scouts, how valuable you are to him.

He was about to ignore what you said, bring the syringe back to your arm again but with the almost non-existent strength you had, you pulled away.

“Armin” you whispered again, weakly. Your strength wasn’t enough for you to pull back completely, just slightly shift your arm away from the sharp needle, but it was enough to send your message across.

Erwin understood. You were never as selfish as him. You always made the decisions that would benefit the ones you care about most. Erwin took a shaky breath, the composure he usually kept was there for everyone’s eyes, but he wasn’t as composed on the inside.

Armin is a valuable soldier. He is an essential part of the scouts and you understood that. He should be the one to live. And Erwin knew this fight would make no difference if he couldn’t throw everything he had away.

He was ready to throw his dreams and his life away, but you chose for him. You decided he’d keep his life and dreams but in exchange, he’d have to give you up.

After injecting Armin and pulling your weak body away, Erwin stayed by your side. He kept his one hand placed on your heart, waiting for the faint beating to completely stop. And it would have lasted longer if you hadn’t used up so much energy.

To your weak mind, this was the right decision. Armin would do more change for the scouts, for humanity than you ever could. You had no regrets, you’ve got everything you ever asked for.

You allowed your eyes to rest again, let the energy leave your body. And with the last few seconds your breath was there, you could register one whisper. I love you.

Masterlist | Share thoughts with me ☺

[verobatto]

The Answer is in Dean

Time to run on the Empty

Destiel meta. 15x19 meta. Meta spec.

How are you my friends??

Some of you might be very mad, but I can tell, don't lose hopes because CAS WILL BE RESCUED BY DEAN IN NEXT EPISODE.

So now relax, and read my rants, you'll feel better after this. I promise.

Mourning!Dean

Dean's voice shaking while explaining how Cas saved him, and then saying 'I'm sorry' to Jack, was one of the most saddest scenes I've seen. Because I know how Dean was feeling, he was feeling he failed to the kid by losing Castiel, and because they lost him for saving him.

Gif credit @dreamnovak

We already know this fellow each time he lose Cas. But this time, it hurst even more.

The Guilt, again, this time mixed with the huge pain and regrets in his soul.

There was a fallen Bicycle in the ground, color blue, as a representation of indirect Castiel.

As we saw, Dean was thinking about Castiel the whole time. When they gave up to Chuck, the first thing he asked for was to bring Cas back. Is like going into that whirlwind of loosing the love of his life all over again.

But Chuck won't let him, why? Because he wanted to watch them suffer, feeling the despair and loneliness and sadness for the eternity, and i will explain in the next meta how this represents Chuck himself.

Another hard scene was watching Dean on the floor, passed out because of alcohol. The only way our poor boy can conciliate sleeping, was through alcohol. And he wasn't even in his room. He was somewhere in the bunker, depressed and passed out.

Castiel, the Miracle

As I pointed so many times, Cas is a miracle. Dean said it when he made Donnie coming back to life in the hospital in season 14 and then a woman called him that when he healed his son in the woods in 15x06.

In season 12 Castiel was called roughly as the Winchester's dog, but Dean reworded that in season 13, when Scooby Doo was a cute mirror of Cas for Dean. He adores that dog.

So, Dean decides to call that dog MIRACLE, because it represented HOPES, just what Cas means to him. He even said to this dog: MAYBE YOU CAN SLEEP IN HIS ROOM. Which was like a consolation. Dean is so sad....

But the dog disappears and then, thanks to Jack, comes back. Miracle comes back. Is a foreshadow of Castiel coming back.

Lucifer Call was the last mocking to Destiel

The fake call from Castiel, was a mocking game from Lucifer, again, the devil making jokes about Destiel, but mostly, about Dean mourning Castiel.

Dean's face when he thought it was really Cas the one calling him, broke me. He was this slightly moment of hopes in his face, i wanted to die. Damn...

The answer is in Dean

Okay, i know everyone was screaming because Jack didn't bring Cas back, BUT BUT. What Jack said, it has a lot of Destiel sense, because it will complete Dean's arc.

If Jack would brought Cas back with one snap, would be easy, and Dean wouldn't be able to say the words he has to say to him.

But, taking what Jack said THE ANSWERS ARE IN EACH ONE. IS JUST PERFECT.

Why? Because if Dean wants his angel back, he will have to find the answer inside of him. Which answer do you say? The I LOVE YOU BACK answer to Castiel. Using his words to express the amount of years loving him in silence, or secretly, or repressing it, because he just thought he couldn't have him as a lover.

Is perfectly poetic and philosophical, and it will close the Healing!Dean's arc.

Because when Dean faced Chuck and said HE WASN'T WHAT CHUCK WROTE, which means HE IS KOT A KILLER, is because Castiel's words are still resonating in his head. Because CASTIEL CHANGED HIM, FOREVER.

Keep you love alive

Now, pay attention to this... Because this is the song that was playing at the end of the episode...

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels

Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields

In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up one-oh-one

I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on

Despite of the smiles on their faces, this lyrics here is very angsty, 'I'm just running.' Dean is just running without knowing where to go.

Running on, running on empty

Running on, running blind

Running on, running into the sun

But I'm running behind

Okay people, if this is not talking about Dean getting inside the Empty to rescue Castiel, idk what else. It says RUNNING ON EMPTY. The Empty!!!! RUNNING BLIND because is dark, and he can't see Cas. RUNNING INTO THE SUN!!!!! @weird-dorky-little-deana CASTIEL IS THE SUN!!!! BUT I'M RUNNING BEHIND, it speaks about how hard will be fine him, maybe. I'm screaming.

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive

Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive

In sixty-nine I was twenty-one and I called the road my own

I don't know when that road turned, into the road I'm on

To keep your love alive!!!!!!!!! OMG, i can't. To keep Cas, his love, alive!

Everyone I know, everywhere I go

People need some reason to believe

I don't know about anyone but me

If it takes all night, that'll be all right

If I can get you to smile before I leave

Dean feels it doesn't matter how long it would take him to bring Cas back, but he will!

Honey you really tempt me

You know the way you look so kind

OMG this is Castiel's love confession, Dean is tempted by him hdjxdjfkfkfj. Sorry.

I'd love to stick around but I'm running behind

You know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find

Running into the sun but I'm running behind

People, have faith, Cas is coming back because this hunter won't let him go so easily.

The answer is inside of Dean, he has those words to say to Cas, he has to say I Love You to him. And that's the very ending of this show. The perfect closing arc for Dean. If Cas saved him once from Hell, is time for him to save him from the Empty. So, to bring him back, Dean will have to say tht answer that was inside of him this whole time.

Miscellaneous spec: i heard Jack saying: Amara was inside of him and they were in harmony, and I'm sorry, but i took that as another clue for my vessel sharing Destiel endgame spec. Just saying.

To Conclude

Why do I stick to Destiel happy ending? Because if this was the ending of season 15 as Jensen said, the ending for the whole show is waiting for us. I hope we will be able to see our angel again, for sure, and not just him, but more of our lovely characters. Even Eileen.

There was a lot of clues in this episode that foreshadowed Castiel's return. So wait for it.

Tagging @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @maleansu @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2

Buenos Aires, November 12 2020, 11:57 PM

[keytomythoughts]

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index 

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually. 

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

                                                               Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu) 

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

                                                                                                                      Funny

                                                                        Yk I can’t move out, at least not on                                                                            my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

:/

What about Jaehyun?

                                                                            Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

                                                                       They’re just hell-bent on me getting                                                                                    into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

                                                                                                                        Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

                                                                 Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

                                                                         Me crying and stuffing myself with                                                                           pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

                                                                         Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

                                                                  And that’s bc you were there dumbass                                                                    and half of the time ur either in oppa’s                                                                    room or out somewhere

                                                                  Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

                                                                                                           I miss y’all :’(

                                                                   Ok I should be there around like 5 ish                                                                     so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo 

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

                                                                                           Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

                                                                               Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol 

                                                                                             See? My point exactly

                                                                               Your fAcE scared off every girl                                                                                   in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

                                                                           I almost feel bad for them, u little                                                                             heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

                                                                                                                     Rlly?!?

                                                                                                                         YAH

                                                                                                               U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

                                                                                    U JERK HOW COULD U??

                                                                                              Those poor girls omg

                                                                               Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

                                                                                         And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

                                                                                                        Can it u demon

                                                                                                         Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated. 

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends. 

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side. 

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another. 

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.  

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?” 

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.” 

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.” 

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away. 

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.” 

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”   

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.” 

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation. 

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide. 

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?” 

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!” 

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail. 

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul. 

What can I say? It’s a talent. 

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder. 

“Good to be back,” I whisper. 

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment. 

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat. 

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  

[ofmerrit]

*  ◜  kristine froseth  ,  cis  woman  &  she/her  ◞  *  according  to  school  records  ,  that’s  merrit  antonietta  unn  hornsby  walking  on  campus  grounds  with  their  usual  iced-americano  from  the ancient  grounds  cafe  .  they’re  known  for  their  long  ,  dark  blonde  locks  outshining  their  surprisingly  tall  figure   and  are  often  spotted  at   the  versailles  garden  reading  wild  geese  by  mary  oliver  .  almost  everyone  knows  their  family  is  worth  like  1.2  billion  dollars  ,  so  we  suspect  they’re  a  member  of   olympus   ,  you  know  ,  the  one  for  old   money  .  do  you  know  where  they  were  the  night  that  the  scholarship  student  died  ?  they  claim  they  were  touring  around  the  campus  for  inspiration  ,  must  be  an  architecture major  thing  ,  right  .  and  hey  ,  don’t  you  agree  that  the  sophomore  reminds  you  of  muffled  screams  into  silk  pillows  ,  the  bellyache  you  get  after  doing  something  wrong  &  vacant smiles ?  you  better  watch  out  h e s t i a  before  something  dangerous  happens  to  you  and  life  ends  at  twenty-two  .  *  ◜  barb  ,  twenty-two  ,  gmt +3  &  she / her  ◞  *

alright alright . it’s me , wrinkle free brain bar from gmt +3 !! so pumped to be here w you sexies mwah <3 here’s merrit’s pinterest board if you’re interested ( pls im a virgo n pinterest addict .. lemme make boards for our muses .. id d*e ! ) imma . bore u to de*th w this intro pls .. forgive me .. i only hav 2 brain cells , this is all over the place HDFJK rip </3 tw: kidnapping, death.

starting w the boring statistics :     full name: merrit antonietta ‘antonia’ unn hornsby     nicknames: mer, antonia, ant, tbc.     code name: hestia ; the goddess of hearth , the family , the state & the domesticity.      star sign: libra sun , virgo moon , scorpio rising.     sexuality: bisexual.     favourite literature piece: wild geese by mary oliver ,  an anthology .                                              “meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,                                              are heading home again.                                              whoever you are, no matter how lonely,                                              the world offers itself to your imagination,                                              calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting                                              over and over announcing your place                                              in the family of things.”

merrit is the only child of the young hornsby couple. she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, according to her grandma, she was the happiest kid. had everything she could ever ask for and more. 

the reason why merrit can’t remember any of this is the beginning of a tragedy — a stormy december night, she and her parents went missing. grandma says they were gone for over five months. a kidnapping case gone cold, they thought. right when the old couple was giving up on them, an angel from above delivered antonia to their door step. malnourished, void of any memory but alive.

life after losing her parents was easier than expected, grandma hornsby ( nee du pont ) made sure merrit would recover from this without any trauma & in a way, she did.

doesn’t have the best relationship with her grandpa, he’s harsh and cranky and too smart for his own good, merrit is lowkey afraid of him lmfao 

she’s currently studying architecture — her dream major was interior design but grandpa encouraged her to pursue architecture to follow her father’s footsteps.  kinda made sense because she’s fascinated by houses .. in reality the insides, the families living there are the real source of interest for her but she’s happy to settle for outside for now gshdjkf

personality stuff !!!

uMM.... i’d say she’s lowkey a people pleaser sdhjkf like ?? making her grandparents proud is . literally the only thing she’s ever wanted in this world n now she feels the same responsibility for every single soul in her life . a torturous existence if you ask me 

can’t say no <3  if she thinks its gonna make u feel a tiny bit better . boom . she’s in .

the friend you’d call to bury a body . no questions asked . she’s pickin up the shovel as you speak asdghfjk unless it’s between her grandparents n you, then *michael scott vc* how the turntables.... sdhjfk shes rattin u out instantly rip

LOVES to talk n listen . fills her heart with joy . a blabbermouth . 

an overachiever . doesn’t sleep much, rocks the dark circles 7/24 lmfao works bc doesn’t like the idea of .. wasting life if that makes sense ??

loyal 2 a fault. mostly to olympus. wld do anything to stay in the secret society / establish her place .

extremely gentle n caring . sometimes ?? its just . too much sdjkf like. tone it down <3

likes poetry ,, especially mary oliver n louise glück ! her fav poem is the orange by wendy cope.

i imagine her wearing flowy, tulle dresses with floral embroidery or vintage pieces idk 

has shit ton of plants but struggles to keep them alive rip

!!! im . terrible at explaining her fr i hate it here ok i hav a vision but ??? i cant explain it

safe 2 say shes having difficulty deciding who she’s supposed to be . a part of her wants to be the golden child for her grandparents n the other side .. jst wants to live her life y’know ??? 

UPDATE ! i’ve realised that by hiding her secret, i also unintentionally hid a big portion of her personality and she comes across as the typical, soft & gentle soul. don’t get me wrong, she is indeed gentle and soft but she’s also volatile and deceitful !

connection ideas !!!

childhood friends - except she doesn’t remember any of it. maybe your muse thinks she’s changed. maybe they don’t care. maybe they are no longer friends . idk 

penpals - seriously ???  i imagine her as someone who writes letters jst bc they’re nostalgic n cute ??? cld be fun.

a home - i kno home’s not a person but a feeling but tell that to merrit lmao. this person’s probably the only one in the whole damn world she’d choose over her grandparents. platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter.

betrothed - super old school yikes. nt exactly betrothed either .. maybe her grandma thot it’d be better if these two were in a relationship . maybe they remained as friends . maybe they hated each other . maybe they kept the publicity stunt ( cue 2 merrit begging to keep faking the rel so her grandpa wld be happy )

exes - a classic. ts this is me trying vibes . on good or bad terms . lingering feelings ? yes please .

bad + good influence - again, classic sdhjfk

saw u at the garden but cldn’t say hi bc i’m a dumb binch - basically someone she has a minor, unrequited crush on. probably knows this person through her other friends but she’s too damn timid to take the first step

a friend from labyrinth . ok hear me out . this is a big deal for her bc she’s all in for her society n v opposed to the idea of a second one even existing . wouldn’t say shes openly mean or .. rude to labyrinth members but ?? jst . wants to protect her own , so this would be a v secret friendship .

a project - could say she has some sort of a savior complex . wants to ‘fix’ people up .. toxic much, mer? <3 anyway ashdjk maybe she thinks .. she can change your muse ? i truly dont know. 

ok final one . its juicy . someone who’s suspicious of her . she has a secret n for the obv reason i didn’t talk abt it, your muse’s suspicious n it’s just . hashtag awkward

these r the only connection ideas i have rn my brain said get tht fire exit door im off im so sorry forgive moi bUT im a sucker for angst : ) so theres that 

something inspired by my queen n savior phoebe bridgers or . folklore ?? yeah.

give me noora / william vibes . the ex friends . the dan / blair dynamic . i live for them ok sgdhfjkl

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

[lostinspidey]

hi there!!! i’m like super really sick and feel all yucky and reading your stuff while i’ve been cooped up has helped a bunch. could i request a stark!reader and peter blurb where tony keeps catching them making out and makes a joke like “are you having sex with my daughter parker?” and then it’s all quiet and your both like “... shit” and idk if you’ve seen spider-man w andrew garfield but tht scene where he pulls gwen to him with his webs??? yeah.... that (hs too?)

the compound is quiet.

in retrospect, it’s probably too quiet. typically your ears are able to pick up on some sort of noise - nat and clint playfully bickering down the hall or steve blending one of his protein shakes in the kitchen. 

but tonight, perched at a table in your father’s lab, there’s none of that. just the sound of you and peter flipping through the pages of your math textbook, broken up by bits of playful conversation and stealing from each other’s stash of snacks.

“pete,” you pipe up. “are we the only ones here?”

he’s sitting at the other end of the table, diligently copying a list of equations into his notebook. he looks up at you after finishing off a series of numbers and letters, one of your twizzlers dangling from the corner of his mouth. 

“i dunno,” he says. “are we?”

“it’s just… it’s quiet, don’t you think? maybe everyone went out for dinner?”

“could be.” he shrugs. “i mean, usually someone comes into the lab to bother us by now.”

you nod slowly. peter stands up, a smile making its way onto his lips as he walks towards you. the look in his eye makes you bashfully look away, cheeks already hot and flustered.

“so…” he eventually says. “we’re alone, huh?”

you set your pencil down, perch your chin against your hand. “in my father’s lab, peter? really?”

“what? i - no! i just want a kiss. please?”

you finally manage to peer up at him, at the endearing pull of his brow and the puppy dog look in his eye that he’s managed to master in an impressively short amount of time. not that you need much convincing.

you inch forward in your seat, tilting your head up towards him with a sly smile. “well, why didn’t you just say so?” you ask.

peter leans in slowly, closing the gap between you for a kiss that’s too short and too sweet. he seems a little surprised when you lull him back in, your hands eagerly holding onto the front of his shirt while his make their way to the sides of your face, pulling you in closer. deeper. it’s probably a bit strange, you think, that his kisses still feel this nice, even after all this time.

eventually he pulls away, and your eyes snap open at the realization that you and peter just kissed. in your father’s lab. the one place you’re sure he’d be the least happy with.

“thank god the security cameras are off,” you breathe.

peter chuckles at the look on your face, brushing the tip of his nose against yours. “shoot, i was hoping we could rewatch that later.”

“peter!”

“i’m kidding!”

you bite down on your lip to keep from grinning too hard, then press another tiny kiss against the corner of his mouth. “if we’re gonna do this, maybe we should -”

“ahem.”

the two of you jump in unison. you fight the urge to groan, unwillingly meeting the gaze that is staring you down from the doorway. your father stands with his eyebrows raised, eyes flickering between you and peter, unable to determine who deserves the brunt of his anger.

peter’s hands slip from your face, his arms falling back down to his sides, but it’s too late. however much of that your father saw, it was enough for him to learn the truth.

you clear your throat, trying - and failing - to add a little nonchalance to your voice. “hey dad!”

“was there a bug in her eye, pete?”

of course he’d settle on your poor, innocent boyfriend. if your cheeks weren’t burning before, they sure as hell are now. 

peter wrinkles his nose, risking a glance down at you. “i - what?”

“was there a bug in my daughter’s eye?” he crosses his arms. “is that why you were standing so close to her?”

peter opens his mouth to respond, closes it, then opens it again, staring at your father with his face frozen in fear. 

you push your chair out and stand up, making sure to leave enough space between the two of you. “we thought you went out, dad.”

“we did. team dinner. brought you back from shawarma.” he brings up one of his hands, revealing a carryout bag. “although, i can see the two of you have already had plenty.”

“dad -”

“time to go, pete.” he waves peter over, casting you a look of disapproval. “we’ll talk about this tonight, alright y/n?”

you let out a sigh, nodding your head despite the fact that you don’t want to. despite the fact that it means you’ll probably never get to be alone with peter in the lab anymore, because it’s pretty clear that, no, there wasn’t a bug in your eye. if you try to come up with an excuse right now - with a flustered peter standing next to you - the truth will come out eventually.

peter’s quick to pack up his stuff, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. however, he stops in his tracks once he leaves the table, glancing over his shoulder at you. 

peter, no.

“mr. stark?” he says.

“are you sure you wanna explain yourself right now, spiderling?”

“i was the one who kissed y/n.”

you latch onto peter’s arm, eyes wide as saucers. “peter, what are you -”

“she tried to tell me we shouldn’t kiss in your lab. uh, multiple times, actually. but i didn’t listen.”

your father keeps his arms crossed, blinking once at peter. he takes this as a sign to continue, speaking with a newfound sense of confidence.

“but i wouldn’t have kissed her if i didn’t have feelings for her, mr. stark. genuine feelings. and i know we’re young and we may not know what genuine feelings are just yet, but i can assure you i haven’t felt this way about anybody besides aunt may.”

he stops when he notices you and your father exchange confused glances. “n-not like - ew. i mean that i care a lot about her. i feel like i wanna… protect her. does that make sense?”

your dad’s still staring at peter when he finishes speaking, nurturing a silence that gets more and more uncomfortable as the seconds tick by. then, right when you swear you can see his gaze start to soften, he turns around, motioning for you all to follow him.

“come on. eat your shawarma in the living room where i can keep my eye on you and then maybe i’ll let peter stay.”

beside you, peter lets out a breath of relief. “yes, sir.”

you catch your dad’s eye before he leaves, mouthing a small thank you. you realize he’ll still want to talk later - probably when pepper gets home from work - but to say you expected this would be a bit of an understatement. your dad’s always been a hopeless romantic, but never when it comes to you. go figure.

he disappears back down the hallway, but before you can follow him, you feel something strong pulling against the back of your shirt, whipping you around and planting you inches away from peter. 

“whoa!”

you practically fall into him, and he helps you catch your balance, smiling that same smile from just moments ago.

this time, you immediately smile back, curling your fingers around the web shooters on his wrists. “you gave that whole speech, and you still wanna try to kiss me in my dad’s lab?”

“who said i wanna kiss you?” he teases, lips already grazing yours. 

you roll your eyes. “thought your feelings for me were genuine.”

“shut up.”

peter laughs, and now you’re the one who leans in, planting your lips sweetly against his to show him that your feelings are genuine, too. his arms slide around your waist, pulling your torsos together, and you nearly forget all about what just happened until -

“thin ice, you two!” your dad’s voice booms from down the hall, causing the two of you to jump out of each other’s arms. “thin ice!”

“coming, mr. stark!” peter yells back. all you can do cover your mouth to keep from laughing, thinking that if thin ice isn’t the same thing as broken, and you and peter both feel a certain way about each other, maybe that’s enough for it all to be okay.

[kimtaetae16ii]

Part 2 (a/n : sorry late haha! Idk how to make the link in one post so tht it'll make u easier to read)

[Monday : 7:45 a.m.]

Hollyyy cowww!  You were still sleepy at that time because for actually you only got 2½ hours of sleep.

In that morning, all of your family had warmth breakfast to fill the stomach for long journey. It took 3 hours to go back to your home.

The fried chicken in the middle of dining table looked so good but you were still sleepy. The crunchy outside really killed you. Without being hesitated, you took the friend hot crunchy drumsticks then bite it.

"Hmph.. So delicious! " eyes closed as you were trying to feel the moment.

After having one drumstick, you took wings part after that. After that, you took the breast part.

"Miss Park, you want more? " the maid asked you.

"Sure!  I would love to eat more. You such great chef." The maid just smiled while you put half strawberry AND chocolate jam on the bread and served into your mouth.

"Jeannie, can you please behave yourself?" Mama suddenly appeared.

"Just let her eat. You serve less food to your children!

Eat some more, honey~"

Nana push the bowl of mushroom soup to you.

"Hehe I eat too much don't I? Hahahahahaha" you laughed so hard while being watched by your parents.

Your behavior changed lately.

"Here your fried chicken, miss Park." The maids served you several parts of chicken for you.

"Wahh!  Thank youuu. Get me cheese sauce, please."

I think having second round will make me full until tomorrow.

Hopefully.

"15 minutes more." Mama said while looked into her watch.

"Chill, Ma. Nana is feeding me right now. Hehe" you teared the chicken wings looked at your nana who was smiling then you continue to eat until all of the foods in the table clear and clean.

[Monday 17:15 p.m.]

You went to jog with your little sister and your mother at the nearest parks in your resident area.

The air is so fresh as the goverment would like to make sure the resident will always get clean environment.

After long walks, we sat at the branch under the shady trees. The day also being windy. The breeze that touched your skin was so ease.

"Jeannie, I have something to say." Your mother speak up.

"What?"

"About your Nana, please assured her saying that you would stay at home instead of her house.

Second, I would feel honoured if you would continue her business it just that, you're still young. You're 18. So, I don't allow you to do that.

Third, I arranged you to enter the Harvard."

You were shocked plus surprise at her last words. Your heart broke into million pieces.

"Ma! I do no want to go that far. Why don't you ask me and tell me about that!?"

"I'm doing this for your future."

Your mother professionally answer you while you were burning inside.

"My future?? Ma, this isn't correct. You don't think about my emotion! I can't go that far because I cannot deal with my emotion! I'm scared of getting bullied." Your tears came out in your eyes.

"You will not getting bullied because your uncle and aunt are teaching there." She still assured you to say yes on her 'arrangement' for your future.

"Suck with what they did there, Ma! It's not 100% guaranteed I would be save there!

No means no.

I'm going home!"

You stand and just straight away going home. No turning to see what happened at the backside. You just cannot deal with tour emotion also in the same time to understand what is your mother's purpose on doing that. That ain't fair for you.

Jane walked to your mother then her small hands in your mother's hands.

"Ma, are you crying?" She saw your mother was facing down. Then, she like wipe something from her eyes.

"No, I'm not crying. The wind brought small dust into my eyes." She smile to Jane.

"Okayy."

"Let's have another walk then we're going home."

"But I want udon at the family mart! " she pouted cutely.

Your mother laughed and buy her attention.

"Okay, we will go to family mart after this." Then they went to walk for another round.

It just that

You had no idea from what your mother told you.

You scared.

Your unknown relationship would broke just like that just because you've been sent to America to further your study.

You scared Haechan would be sad.

Of course your mother would be sad more when you go against her.

You were still young to understand what is the best for you to deal with the cruel world now. It cannot be deal anymore. Cruel forever would be cruel.

_________________________________________

[Friday, 11:00 p.m.]

"Jeannie, we will go to Japan for 3 days only. We bring Jane with us. You just take care with yourself." Your mother said while kissed on the top of your head.

You didn't know how to react.

"Okay. But, buy me bunch of chocolates." You smile a little then they got into the car.

You wave your hands in the air as the car already exit from your house area.

I don't fucking mind for being left alone unless they will buy me something as the return.

That's the concept. It just, you want to eat or get any things from the other country as the collection and for gaining your experience.

You went into your house. Then got into the TV room to watch some horror movies.

But before that, you went into the kitchen to grab some foods as you were being hungry so bad.

You texted Haechan to come over to your house as your parents were not at home for three days.

Babe, would you come over here? Sleep with me?

I was left alone.

Sent at 11:25 p.m.

Not for long second you received message.

Oww, sweetheart. I can't as my parents still awake. How about you come over here?

I've been miss you so bad.

Sent at 11:26 p.m.

You pouted.

Lemme think.

Okay then.

Sent at 1:27 p.m.

You put it back into the cabinet but only Oreo chocolate bars of Hershey you bring along.

-

[11:15 p.m.]

You texted him that you already be at the main door of that house. His house is very huge.

Then, the door being opened and made your heart fluttered as you saw his cute face.

Both of you hugged each other then, you pecked his lips.

"You made it." He said with the giggles came after it.

"Yeah~" I said then he put his hands around my waist and heading to his bedroom.

After we just get in there, he threw me onto his bed then, he crawled the bed to be on top of me. "Kyaa~ Lee Donghyuck, what are you doing ?" You tried to push him away. At that moment, everything seems slow down. He came near your little by little then, you guys lips collided znd the passion BOOM !

you never felt that kind of feelings, that kind of experience before that make you felt satisfied with it. His hips was between your legs at that moment and made you guys felt want to feel each other but Haechan is smart enough to protect his princess and the queen will be.

He knew the limit so he was the one who broke the kiss and kiss the top of your head.

"Done, sweetheart. Let's watch a movie then we'll cuddle then we'll go to sleep okay."

"okay, "

Then, he took out his 13inch-MacBook Air. He tapped on Netflix in his laptop then there it served.

He searched for romantic miviebthen you saw the 3rd season of fifty shades. You suggested him to click on it.

"Are you sure about this, sweetheart?"

You smiled in shyness and nodded my head. "I just want to watch it with you."

He giggle at the way you were being cute.

"Okay then."

The movie begin.

At beginning.

There's nothing such things happened yet so like you guys admired them as being such lovely couple.

Climax

Then there's happened. The way Mr.Grey lifted, spanked Anna's butt and so on make you felt turned on.

The way Mr.Gray put the balls in her pussy and told her to stay calm during the party make you already felt wet because you liked feel how the balls got into your hole.

And they got married was the great things for you cus you liked it so much and what happened after that.

You could not stay calm at all. Haechan felt your hands squeezed his arm that you hugged. He knew you wanted that so bad.

Ending

Anna got into planned accident by her husband's enemy and that what make your heart throbbed.

After she awoke, and everything went well. They got a son also Anna is pregnant for their second child was the satisfied things that all the fans of shades darker wanted.

"Finally it met its end." You did long sighed as you just felt tired. Yeah like be with gadget for long time can make your body being weak. That's why people said do not use the gadget for more than four hours.

You guys were making the bed to get comfortable condition and about to sleep while cuddling with each other.

"Babe" he snapped out of something after you called him.

"Yeah, sweetheart" he faced you and wrapped his arm around your waist.

"What is in cuddle?" You looked into his eyes.

He lifted his one eyebrow meant that he didn't get what you want to convey it.

"I mean, what people do when they are cuddling. When ppl say cuddling, I will automatically thinking that they are tickling each other. So like, yeah?  It is?"

He hummed for a seconds.

"Yeah, that's correct. Why?" while brushing yoir hair to the back.

"Nothing. Also like, when i watch The Babadook with Angela and Teressa and Dahlia, the mother been using some vibrate thing. What is that?"

You kept asking him because you were still wondering what it is.

He gulped before to speak.

"That's vibrator. You can search it on Google." he said playing with your smooth back.

You turned on your phone then went to safari and searched for it. You surprised and oo-ed so big.

"Oh my it's disgustin!"

"It is?" He asked you back. While without you knowing the close the distant between you two. You can felt his hips touching your hips too.

"It is. I would never not to have that. Such disgusting things."

"Sweetheart, look at me." The moment you put your phone down, his nose met yours.

"Watching such movies also disgusting. So what about we try it out and feel it's gonna felt." He said in such low-romantic voice. The husky voice.

"Try what?" You cupped his cheeks.

"Let me show you."

And that night, you guys had shared everything related to your body. Your body connected to him. And also that's the new experience that you got.

His hot skin touch yours. His body's scent would never make you disappoint. You gave your everything to him.

[legaciesmade]

maxence danet-fauvel. he/him. cismale. ╱ i thought i saw mathieu beaumont getting questioned by the police. the twenty-three year old is in their fourth year at west bridge studying business. they were at manon’s party because he’s her older brother and it was at their house. do you think they had something to do with her death? + a beguiling smile, a collection of luxury watches, the sound of running shoes on the track field.

hey you demon fucks .. i’m bailey !! i’m twenty-two, i go by she/her pronouns and i live in the b(est) timezone ;) if you wanna know more ab me, i’m a video game heaux and a pisces sun/aquarius moon/cancer rising ( for any fellow astro-hoes. ) also i’m not gonna lie, you’ll find me more readily on d.scord compared to t.mblr ims bcos... it’s easier, so hmu for tht if interested. anyw, mat is....certainly a new muse to me so i’m kinda just going with the flow. but what i do know is he’s fuckin trash. go figure.

his pinterest

the eldest child of the beaumont family; mathieu was basically groomed to one day take over the family business. it didn’t matter if he didn’t want it, he was the eldest and that was that.

so here he is, majoring in business ( with a bunch of math/finance courses on the side ) like a Good Son

literally he’s been taking classes to prepare him for college ever since the start of high school, maybe even earlier than that. because it’s a Very Serious Responsibility

to say he was envious that manon got to choose her own major/path in life is an understatement, but he’s learned well to hide his anger behind a smile,,,, thts so sad alexa play despacito

i’m leaving a lot of family stuff sorta open-ended bc i don’t want to assume too much ab manon aside from what we know thus far sjdhsjdh BUT JUST KNOW THAT, YEAH, MAT LOVES HIS FAMILY BUT....sometimes love isn’t enough. especially when you have like, basically NO say in a lot of aspects of your life...

his sport is literally the only thing that’s 100% his. his father would’ve probably preferred him to go out for football but... nah fam, boy wanted to do track and he’s crazy good. been doing it since middle school and each time he’s made captain position. dad still isn’t that impressed though.

that all being said. he’s also in student council; he enjoys it enough, but this was definitely more of a “you have to join it” scenario lol oops

his birthday is january 18th ( it must’ve been suuuuuuch a fun birthday this year, huh ;))))) i’m not sorry )

sun - capricorn ( restrictions, order, and control. you exercise these characteristics firstly on your own self. you like to control your reality by setting daily patterns to follow, and will frequently choose to wake up earlier than needed. you usually are stubborn and determined, and will frequently enter power games. however, you can be very patient. when this is combined with your determination and self-discipline, you can each any goal you set your mind to. )

moon - capricorn ( you show a lot of initiative. you are in it to win it. in fact, you might have a hard time kicking back and taking it easy. you do not want to feed into another’s beliefs about victimhood. you might experience issues of emotional detachment from other individuals, but this can prove very helpful; you can excel in things that require cold blood and seriousness. )

ascendant - aries ( you are athletic and active, highly energetic and capable of physical work. you are always ready to take initiative. self-reliance is learnt early in childhood. though you often have difficulties with your parents, especially the parent of the same sex. )

basically... his double capricorn aka his sense of maturity and seriousness, point to a very dutiful and hardworking nature... but, it also means that he had a lot of circumstances that forced him to grow up FAST. which, um, he did,,, in a sense. *points to his parents/his dad* we can blame them/him. HOWEVER, his aries rising/ascendant makes all that seriousness/logic tense af bc aries is like action/action/action... automatic response without thinking it through. so. that’s fun!!

alright so. the party and the pact. hm. mat’s in a very sticky situation with this whole thing and he still isn’t exactly sure how he feels ab it....but what’s done is done and there’s no going back now. of course he’s grieving in his own way, manon was still his little sister, but whew! seeing her like that really made him think of all the times they clashed/fought? like... yeah siblings fight okay but their different personalities/the clear difference in how their parents treated them, there was always a boiling point. no matter how quiet his negative emotions were, they were still there. sweet, naive manon... probably had no idea mathieu felt like this, because he just never fuckin talked ab it. and honestly, why would he?

in terms of what’s happening plot wise with the texts, etc, mat isn’t... okay he’s BOTHERED by them, but is he gonna let it show.... no. the fuck kinda question is tht...... he has enough to worry ab as is, keeping up with his courses and track and student council, not to mention his family and being the grieving brother,,, now someone’s sayin they KNOW what he helped do???? bye it’s not funny and he’s already exhausted. he’s v skeptical ab a lot of ppl in this so-called pact....but he knows most of them wouldn’t be out here tattling surely, when it’ll impact them just as much. *thinking emoji*

alright so idk what else to write atm like this is....Bad but. i tried okskjsk bye

[libvrtines]

                          hewwo  i’m  felix  ( 20 ,  he / him , gmt )  and  i  just  realised  my  fc  has  no  mf  resources  that  aren’ t from  him  as  a  fetus  and  will  therefore  b  spendin  approximately  all  my  free  hrs  cranking  out  gif  icons  ,  so  lets  get  it  *  pained  laughter  *  !  this  is  my  boy..  except  he’s  not  my  boy  and  i  take  no  credit  for  who  he  is  as  a  person  because  he’s  the  personification  of  a  flaming  dumpster  fire  ,  xu  yuxian  .  his  pinterest  board  is  here  ,  i don’t  have  a  full  amazing  wc  page  but  i  do  have  some  wc’s  beneath..  so  if  u  jus  wanna  stick  around  for  that  i  won’t  blame  u  bc  otherwise  this  is  just  a  Wreck .   (    i  literally  just  had  to  search  up  my  muses  name  bcs  i  forgot  it  but  i  know  he’s  a  scorpio at  least  so  if  that  is  any  indication  of  how  this  is  gonna  be  then  yeah .  this  is  gonna  be  the  Worst   ) .  drop  a  heart  if  you  would  like  to  plot  ,  or  just  add  me  up  on  d*scord  no anime pls im christian#1950  for  quicker  messages  !  TW  :  mentions  of  drugs  ,  violence  ,  death ,  blood  , manipulation  . 

scanning XU YUXIAN, they are TWENTY FOUR year old and read as CUNNING but DECEITFUL, which explains why they are referred to as the VARMINT. before virtual reality HE was IMPRISONED FOR THE DISTRIBUTION OF DRUGS and living in QUINGDAO, CHINA. they’ve been said to look incredibly similar to HUANG ZITAO, but they’ve never seen it. in this new virtual world, they plan on DOING ALL OF THE CRAZY SHIT HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO and hope to NEVER GO BACK to reality. 

*    BACKGROUND    !

tl ; dr . “ the best way to solve a problem is just to eliminate it . " in thick accented mandarin. the roar of a bike kicked to life with exhaust pouring out of the tailpipe and the low graveled hum as it idles way past midnight. charcoal ashes and heavy-lidded eyes. teeth stained red from marlboro's and split, bloody lips. baseball bats through car windows, the scrape of a bic as it lights. the smell of cigarettes burned deep into veins. the drag of a knife light across a throat. knuckles blooming purple pressed into nose bridges, a smile with a pair of pliers knocking against porcelain teeth. THIS vine. 

so as formerly stated this is yuxian, the worser half of the xu siblings. disruptive and dangerously reactive to any sort of aggression, he's adapted to a reality reliant on violence and force over patience and rationale. he's an overall shitty guy, with some even shittier habits. street smart and instinctive, his world works in harsh turns and bared knuckled fists. 

dropped out of high-school.. was one of those ‘lunch is my fav class’ kids except he got dragged 2 school by the ear when he was younger and then people just. stopped giving a fuck  ! 

so he did what most boys do in big towns with no proper parental guidance: raised a little hell, drank a lot of alcohol when his liver was barely formed, fixed bikes and engines, and beat up a few rich kids who looked @ him the wrong way. speaks like every mf villain in an anime ever. over-enunciates vowels and suffocates his consonants. acts like the stray he p much is w parents as shitty as his. 

the xu family had earned themselves a nasty reputation in the community they lived in. they're tough, they're intimidating. they do things their way. xu’s speak with their fists and their knives and their brass knuckles and their bats, not known for thinking out their actions before acting out. violent. horrible. the worst People™. 

yuxian’s parents owned and operated a dim-lit, greasy restaurant in the heart of their community, once used to deepen the family's pockets as they sold some choice off-menu items, they were offered a deal by a rich family that bought up their block when yuxian was around 15, selling their enhanced drugs imported from europe behind the grime-coated counter. yuxian saw the $$$ and didn’t think abt how risky it would b, or that they’d be the ones caught red handed if they were ever raided. being able to label himself as a drug dealer just made his reputation in the community go up.. and he was livin la vida loca 

along with working as a drug-runner, he liked to fancy himself as something of a debt collector, making sure to "follow up" with anyone who hopes to evade payment to the family. weapons of choice include a baseball bat to the kneecaps and automatic knives. has he actually hurt anybody ?? absolutely Not. he a puthy ass bitch... but don’t say that to his face unless u wanna end up like that ‘what are u gonna do? stab me? guy who then.. got stabbed 

basically yuxian will do whatever it takes to get what he wants and to survive. he never considers himself a bad guy; he considers herself bold where others find him brash. he thinks that he's tough where he's really just a brute. he's never a bully, it's never unjustified, but if he ever is he doesn’t think much of it bc he’s never gonna change , ygm ?? 

he ended up in prison when he started selling drugs to the rich family’s only son, who lbr, became quite a decent friend to yuxian. the son in question had a bad side - effect to the dodgy drugs they were dealing and died of cardiovascular complications. worst thing is that the last memory xian has of the world before virtual reality is waiting for his parents or siblings to come visit him at but being stood up. next thing he knows he’s in a world where his freedom hasn’t been taken from him and he can. he’s Extremely Bitter, and very Chaotic, my guys. so watch out

*    PERSONALITY   !

honestly and truly, at the end of the day, yuxian is not a good friend to have. xian is not friendly. he will never say the thing you want to hear as opposed to how he is feeling, he'll never sugarcoat anything, he'll never be a listening ear. encouragement and support don't exist here. he is fickle and fair-weathered and will use and use and use until there's nothing left to give. 

self-serving and self-invested to his core, he cares so little it's essentially nonexistent for anyone other than himself. not even his family, given the circumstances. he is opinionated and reactive. volatile. if someone is looking for an influence in their life that will give no fucks and encourage even the smallest whispers of an impulse, yuxian is The One™. 

every bad influence every mother's warned about, everything you know you should say no to: that's her. he has nothing to lose and lives his life accordingly. those in his periphery, he encourages to do the same. respect and admiration are not easily earned. he needs to be impressed. the grander the debauchery, the more points earned. but of course, don't try too hard.. bc that’s corny and he can sniff someone simply trying to impress from a mile away. 

still, to those that he's aligned himself with and chosen to befriend – xian can be loyal the way a snake is to a pack. his trigger-haired temper and baseline defensiveness makes him a good rabid junkyard dog to have in any corner. loyalty is mostly reserved for those who benefit him or to those who serve his best interest – contrary to popular belief, he's not entirely stupid. but definitely has been called a bimbo a minimum of five times in his life. 

simply put, he's a thug. his family has terrorised residents and he hasn't fallen too far from the tree, reaping the benefits of everyone's worst expectations. he's vindictive, manipulative, short-tempered and callous. he'll go to extreme lengths – which often include coercion via intimidation or violence – to get what he wants. he has little regard for other peoples' safety, well-being, or feelings. he lives to ruin lives; not in that fuckboy-esque i'm-going-to-steal-your-gf-and-ruin-your-social-life kind of petty bullshit. he IS a fuckboy but that’s besides the point.. 

every action is based on gut-impulse, acting purely out of unfettered emotion without thinking of what the consequences might be down the line. just pls hate him bc he really deserves it. 

speaking of Love.. with a reputation that followed him from a few years into high school for being tht guy who makes u feel good abt urself then leaves u on read, he's learned to embrace it and accept that people think he just can’t commit. xian is not good in relationships, he doesn't quite know how to show affection in a healthy way. he gets possessive and jealous and easily poisons everything from the inside while trying to sort out the subconscious overbearing fear of this person realising how shit he is or actually realising they’re worth more than his half-assed attempts at affection. so instead he keeps it at an arm's distance before it gets that far. 

*    WANTED CONNECTIONS   !

bad influence ( somebody he is corrupting essentially ) friends who like to crash parties / slum around bars  perhaps people who he knows from before and were aware of his ugly reputation ?? idk this is gonna be an area only open to a few but if they ever lived nearby or in the city where he did then it’s a possibility  ! friends who like to smoke weed behind dumpsters people who he can con  someone who tries to see the good in him but beneath the dirt there’s just more Dirt enemies / frenemies violent low-lives who he can connect 2 on an emotional and physical level fwb / one-night stands / some sort of violent dislike in personality which in turn results in sexual tension  ?

[anenium]

i’ve never loved a music group as much as i love seventeen. i was over stanning idol groups by the time i ran into them and was focusing on university and finishing my thesis and etc, so i can’t stress enough how much each and every member are ALL extremely special to me for me to make a whole new space in my life for them. but obviously i have a favorite, and he has treated me so well since the very start, and i want to mention beforehand that this entire ...wall of text is gonna be about me as seungkwan’s fan and my personal anecdotes from seeing him at ideal cut, and not that much about the other members. it’s not that i don’t love them very much! but seungkwan is extremely special to me and he is the comforting and reliable sunlight who i want to scream to the world about. 

i don't need to tell you guys how hard it is to be an international fan cos most of you all know those pains.. and i was definitely one of the carats hoping there would be some announcement for NA tour before i finally bit the bullet and decided to go ideal cut. but there's also smth else that hurts, that i haven’t explicitly shared. of all my insecurities about being a carat, i often myself particularly insecure about being forgotten by seungkwan. 

i know it’s a lot to expect him or any idol to remember their all fans, that’s exactly why i don’t mention this insecurity on twitter (til now...). being forgotten by your idol is smth that i know has put people off of their biases completely. i’m lucky because boo himself a couple years ago told someone to relay to me a tiny message, so without me asking him about it, i suddenly was aware he knew for sure i existed and knew i went to see him at schedules as his fan. and i was so happy and enamored by the idea that i never wanted it to change ;;

but ofc i moved away, and i never properly talked to him in the first place (fansign is expensive and i was a full time uni student hhhh) so i have a constant worry that it’ll seem like i stopped supporting him or he will just forget completely that he has me as his fan. which again.... is totally fair and in the first place i would never even ask him if he remembers me IF i got the chance. the last time he saw me was... 2017 summer, so who knows if he remembers my face or my sign. or if he even knows my sign = me ?

i tried not to have any expectations or hopes about interacting with seungkwan during ideal cut. it’s a concert, first of all, not a meet and greet or a fansign. and i knew i might be far away or he might be on a different side of the stage, and i also knew that i wanted to just listen to him singing after a long time and experience concerts with my friends who i don’t get to see often.

but somehow, even if it’s just cos of my neon bright sign with his name on it, seungkwan sees me. he smiled at or waved to me (or even both ;;;;;) in every country i visited after he’d seen my sign and that’s so.. the chances of that happening is completely crazy. but what’s important to me is how he acted when he saw it. every single time was meaningful to me and by manila all my worries were gone.

i did get to see the boys at the airport in incheon before the concert during my layover to jakarta and even had a cute interaction outside with soonyoung ; 3; so my heart was a little more at ease the next day at the concert cos i got that “refill” of seeing them already. i spent time with dani and met a lot of carats handing out my transparent fans and i don’t remember feeling that stressed or nervous, somehow. dani and i stood against the back bar of our standing section and we had an amazing view and i finally saw pinwheel and the lights hitting seungkwan’s face and i was so ;;;; filled with awe at the end that these kids i ran into three years ago have become such amazing performers, you know? 

i could write miles about each concert, how dynamic hht has become, how much joy i feel watching performance team, all the nostalgia when they all perform Adore U and the burst of energy that explodes in the venue when the boys sing Run To You like.. carats and seventeen running to each other. my heart felt so full after seeing Seventeen at their own concert after such a long time. at the end and when i was already giving up the hopes i told myself not to have, boo finally saw my sign.

he looked so HAPPY. i can’t even tell you how my heart leaps to watch the fancam of the moment he smiles at it. he just smiled so brightly and he returned the little heart i shot him after a couple seconds. i seriously watched that moment so many times because im so happy that HE smiled as big as he did ; ; he was happy cos of the sign, happy cos of dani’s and my reaction after he saw it, and.. idk how else to say it, i just want to make a blanket out of that smile ; ; im so happy that i can be the reason for his smile. 

at the fansign the next day i was “meeting” him and vocal unit and i was really scared... cos i already knew it was going to be fast (and it was damn FAST...). but then, he saw my sign even before we went up to them at the tables. it’s understandable i got a shock, right ; ; he and jeonghan staring down my camera made me wonder if he recognized my sign from the previous day... and i had already been worried because i wasn’t sure what to say to them.

actually i told seungkwan i loved him twice before, once just saying it through the kbs window in 2016, and once at hitouch at diamond edge new york. but at kbs there’s no way to know 100% what he said (cos the glass..........) and at diamond edge he just... “thank you~ OHOHOHOHOHOHO” ....:D so naturally i was on the fence about saying it again. cos i thought isn’t it.. a bit redundant if i say it.. again? shouldn’t i say something more creative or meaningful? and i’m being honest that when i see all the fanaccounts that boo returns an “i love you too~” at hitouches i feel a little jealous and reluctant. but bethany kicked some sense into me right before i went up and i wanted to share it. 

it’s true that i want him to know how loved he is by his fans ; ; especially after earlier this year when he admitted his insecurities about loving himself.. even if he’s been seemingly content lately i would still want him to be reassured as many times as possible. so i sucked it up and i did!!! just!!!! “hi! i REALLY love you!” at jakarta fansign. 

and...........i have no idea what he said back to me cos it was too loud ^^

but it’s alright BECAUSE i got to see his pretty smile when i said it. i have no regrets about saying it! i dunno about next time (if there’s next time) but this time i was really happy that i could look him in the eyes and say tht i love him cos i DO adore him a whole bunch u___ u;;;; and although i’d have liked to express my feelings in more, accurate words, i was only in front of him for two or three seconds and that was the best thing i could have said to him, now thinking in retrospect. and gosh he was definitely tired that afternoon, but he was so so handsome ;;;; seeing him eye to eye never gets any easier. 

in singapore dani and i were joined by my beloved jo! and we three were together in standing~ and shock of my life, at the end of the concert boo pointed to my sign and smiled and waved and as dani put it, once she heard me and jo screaming and freaking out it was like a “check” ; ; it’s not the first time he points to that sign in particular so i just felt.. reassured in that moment. he doesn’t smile with surprise like in jakarta, but still he’s pointing and grinning and acknowledging me and inside im like YESYESYESYESYESYE- part of it too is, this is happening and im with my friends and ; ; i know im not just imagining things, you know?

in malaysia we got $oundcheck and i didn’t say this yet but soundcheck was just as amazing for us as the concert ; ; we got to be at the front (there weren’t queue numbers so... it was a sacrifice of a lot of WAITING) and luckily, there was a pause in the music at the beginning while the boys were at the extended stage near carats. so they interacted with us a bit and! i got to wave to hansol and hosh and.. that’s when boo looks down and he saw my sign; ;;; but cos the venue was all lit up for rehearsal he actually looked me in the eyes and wave-waved calmly to me ; ; and actually.. he didn’t smile~ but he was barefaced and it’s just soundcheck after all~

i don’t think he ever waved to me without cracking a smile before so i felt a little ? when overthinking it but.. his expression was kinda nice, too ;; performing is his job after all, so just making sure he looks at me and waves during their technical rehearsal is really sweet of him, even if he’s not feeling super HAPPY or something at that moment, he took the time to acknowledge i was there. i want to stress that what i really learned over time is that boo really knows how important and meaningful it is to wave to fans and try to give individual acknowledgement when he can, even when it’s small, esp cos seventeen can’t always meet us individually. 

i was at the opposite side from where i was the three other concerts in kl, and i can confidently say... boo was not on the right side much ^^~ but it was nice to pay a lot more attention to the other members, and see a different angle of all their performances!! i have no regrets being on the right side because frankly there’s some members i might have no memories of from this tour if i hadn’t been on the opposite side of boo. 

next is~ manila! and manila was a dream ; ; i was with dani and many friends and we were right THERE at the bar and i hadn’t been that close to the boys at a concert.. ever. at recordings yes, and hitouch yes, but dani told me being close at concerts is different and it absolutely was. seventeen is a group that shines the most when they’re performing and concerts are where they thrive. 

seungkwan is born to be on stage. he mentioned that he works hard on his expressions but, i wonder if he knows it’s more than just his hard work. the way his voice carries emotions and his body language when he feels the music he does in ways that are just so *him*. it’s the lights bouncing off his cheeks in pinwheel when he’s singing to the sky. it’s how he hits you in the heart when he belts his lines in Run To You and he’s dramatically swaying on his mic stand, and his entire aura change during Flower. when he coolly gives his ending speeches with heavy eyelids cos he’s tired but all anyone is looking at are his full cheeks and how pretty his eyes look outlined with champagne-colored glitter. his comfortable warm smiles to carats at the end of every concert and all the efforts he put in to communicate with us, to have fun with us and make each country feel special to seventeen. 

habit is my favorite song from the kids. i can’t even casually listen to it because it triggers a lot of attached feelings ; ; i’d seen it four times on the tour but, only in manila i felt a tear sliding down my face. cos i was looking at seungkwan and thinking that it was my last time to hear it, and my last time watching him sing it, and suddenly i was so overwhelmed with affection for him. i was trying to listen but in my head i can only remember him doused in lights and his passionate singing and how much i'm thankful for him suddenly ; ; and also i was ... embarrassed to be crying~

when vocal unit came up to the extended stage for pinwheel i tried to hard to just listen to him ;; he was so close and i was looking up at him and seriously just ;;;;; he was the most beautiful human being i’ve ever seen in that moment. he is never more gorgeous than when he’s singing and there’s really no one like him.

when the boys performed ‘thinkin’ about you’, they interacted with fans a bit at previous stops, so i had my sign out just in case~ and when the boys walked around in a circle at the end of the song, boo looked SO CUTE cos he borrowed coups’ leader flag and was marching around with it ;;;;; idk why but that made it even more special that he saw me at that moment, and smiled at me with big eyes before walking by ;;;;;; i looked at dani and she looked at me and we shglfndjkh;fkhlfd together ;;;;;;;

during their final ment the boys sat down at the main stage to talk to carats, and boo was diagonal from my spot, so i could see him well. i didn’t hold up my sign from the start cos.. he was literally so far away i didn’t think he could see anyone beyond the fans around the main stage. but during hosh’s ment i kinda thought i had a chance and he was looking our way.. so i unfolded my sign and BAM he reacted alfdjklgjkdfls!!! 

actually watching a fancam of it now, what i couldn’t tell then, is that while he was nodding he had legit raised his eyebrows at me l o l. and he just kept nodding and grinning while at the side hoshi was giving his ment, and for some dumb reason i ducked my head behind my sign in shock and in a fancam i can literally see tht he was about to look away—but doesnt ;;;; dani is next to me seeing this happen and i’m not hiding behind my sign anymore and she’s pointing at me to confirm it’s really ME and he gives a thumbs UP and im DYING AT THIS POINT. 

[dani next to me: HER? HER ? OK DAMN BOO YOU’RE SO AMAZING YES OK DONE OK YES YES STILL THUMBS UP? OK-]

i made another ridiculous finger heart to him and he’s STILL NODDING ND WAVES AND GIVES ANOTHER THUMBS UP AND THEN!!! hoshi was in the middle of the stage belting his “지금 몇 시???” and the moment is over~ honestly it seemed more dramatic and long at the time but... i was seriously in awe. i don’t remember any ments after that (i didn’t even know what hosh had done until after the concert) until seungkwan started talking himself cos i couldn’t believe that happened..

the ending felt bittersweet ofc ; ; the boys were literally right THERE and they all looked so gorgeous and handsome and i wish the “aju NICE”’s could have lasted for an hour or ten...  but there was still send-off.

i always have this issue where i miss a lot of the members because i start panicking looking for seungkwan... ofc the same happened now. i don’t really remember the order, but i only remember that i waved to hoshi who was first and also got to say bye to josh as he walked by, his eyes got so big and his smile was really pretty ; ; and then second to last there was boo.

like i mentioned in my tweets, he was in a cap for send-off~ and as he’s walking towards where i was i held my sign over the railing so he could see it as he approached and!! ofc he did ;; he was already smiling but he spotted it and grinned right at it and nod-nod-nodded and even pointed directly to it and istg his smile was... different once again. he literally looked like he was expecting to see it and i felt so ; ; even if he couldnt hear me i called to him that i’ll see him next year (which wasn’t *technically* true.. i went to see them at the mall the next day heh) and he was still walking by and was already even past me but!!! dani had called his name and he had looked up from my sign and was smiling really at *me* ; ; he wasnt actually last but.. i distractedly watched the back of boo’s cap until he was at the end of the tiny hall and turned into another room out of sight..

and then i was just crying behind my uchiwa. hehe.

the next day was the manila saem fansign and as everyone else said, it was damn crowded. and i was damn far away with dani. and it was so hot and loud and we were actually thinking of leaving because it was just too much... by the time seventeen arrived and were at the fansign stage i had a hard time holding my camera up, and i don’t even *have* a bazooka lense. still, i had a smaller “boo” sign dangling from my cam, and dani was holding up my lucky sign where boo could see somewhere next to my head~

i really don’t know how he can see it from so far away ; ; but he did, right before they started meeting carats for autographs. it was the same as always, i saw him seeing me first and i dropped my camera to wave and THEN i started taking pictures.. he is seriously the most patient. ever. i took precious photos of him making a “V” with his fingers and smiling at my camera and the moment he looked away in my mind i just thought.. REST.

i wish i knew how to better explain the feeling after attending their tour. it’s the first time i think i feel the word... lucky. before, at the radio and at recordings and hitouches, i just felt that my consistency going to see seventeen and specifically cheering for seungkwan made it possible for him to remember me well and acknowledge me as his fan. but at this tour, where there’s so many thousands of people and it’s hard to see everyone in the audience, and at fansigns where it was crowded or when i really thought he wouldn’t be able to see me, he still did. im lucky that seungkwan is seungkwan. i’m lucky that he’s attentive to carats, that he’s understanding and kind, and that he has FANTASTIC eyesight.

i don’t really know if he knows i’m the same fan from sukira, or if he remembered the sign from previous years’ concerts and recordings. but for me, it’s enough that by the end of the tour he could smile so comfortably at me like ; ; i’m 100% sure he remembered that.. my sign = ...me. and that makes me so happy in itself. i feel sad often that i can’t support boo as much as i used to, that i can’t cheer for him where he can hear it and that i can’t take pretty photos to share of him like before. during Oh My promotions in july, i hesitated to get a signed page from him... exactly because i didn’t want to ask something like, if he remembered me or not. instead~ i asked for him to cheer me up until i could see him again. the friend who was getting the page for me told him i was from the us, had gone to kcon japan just to see him earlier this year, and that i was going to the ideal cut stops, too.

(i’m clarifying here for anyone new~ that the trip to japan was planned with my friend from uni, and seventeen was conveniently announced for kcon after my trip was almost fully sorted. it was too perfect to not go see them * ^*)

seungkwan verbally responded to her saying it must be hard for me to go all the way there ;; in english and korean on my page he wrote thank you, and that he really wished for us to meet ;;;; and thinking back to that page some months later, it came true as much as it possibly could have. 

im lucky that seungkwan is the one i came to like. because even if he doesn’t know anything about me or even my name, he knows im someone who likes him and that’s enough for him to take a moment to let me know he knows i’m there. and i know that i’m not the only fan of his he takes his time to acknowledge. every concert tour there are new fan accounts of his kindness and attentiveness, his friendly interactions with carats and people writing how much they appreciate him after seeing him in person or on stage. he’s such a special and talented individual with such a big heart and i hope that everyone can feel reassured that.. if there’s an idol who will do their best to take your love and return it tenfold, seungkwan is definitely one. 

i know i mention it only vaguely but i have had such a difficult, tiresome year. i don’t feel like i’m exaggerating when i say the happiness i got from seeing seungkwan, seventeen, and most of all my friends last month is what’s going to get me through the rest of it. im not sad (yet...) that the tour is over, or that it’ll be a while until i see seventeen again. im still so ridiculously happy, and i feel motivated to work hard until the next time ; ; im not worried anymore, because seungkwan never fails to cheer me up whether i’m at a concert on the other side of the world or i’m just seeing his post on instagram on my own side. i would give him a planet’s worth of love if i could and i hope he continues to recieve praise and affection for as long as possible, for just being his wonderful self.

[transrightsjimin]

may have broken down in frustrated tears over stupid fucking Gezelligheid mentality AGAIN

(aka finding ppl visiting each others’ homes all the gd time and hugging nd kissing nd not wearing facemasks bc it’s SOCIABLE thats NORMAL and DUTCH and it’s somehow logical to consider this more important than making sure others dont get infected and DIE. and YES ppl still tell me them finding being social IRL more important makes sense even when i phrase it as a lesser priority over LOVED ONES DYING)

but this time it was to my autism coach who clearly didnt empathize w me being frustrated w my job coach not listening to me until asking nd nearly demandng after 6 attempts that yes i would like her to wear a face mask in the small office i met her in!!

nd i talked to my autism coach abt my very much immunocompromised mom and my grandma and my aunt nd just generally family wanting to visit indoors unmasked bc thats SOCIAAL!!

and ironically i was describing my frustrations w my job coach asking me, after angering me, why i was angry, nd tone policying nd saying i “should be more considerate to other people” (THATS WHY I WEAR FACEMASKS ND TRY TO NOT MEET UP CLOSE U ASSHAT!!! SO I DONT INFECT ND KILL PEOPLE!!!!) and “respect other people think differently about it” (I AM AWARE AND DO NOT RESPECT IT!!!!!) , IRONICALLY i ended up venting abt this w frustration bc i could notice my autism coach found it important too that i meet up w family irl soon (like my autism coaches nd gender therapist keep asking when we can finally have appointments irl again bc thats normal and just. NO. NO WHAT THE FUCK)

nd she too went like ‘im trying to empathize w u here but i do understand your family more and u do rly need to think of them too‘ nd i just broke down sobbing badly, like worse than usual in a way ive only had this intense nd briefly since recently, nd i felt so annoyed abt it nd she clearly did feel somewhat bad for me but also sort of tried to make my crying ok by reasoning im struggling to get into the routine of work / sleep and like thats true, but she said it more in a way to form an excuse for my super out of line act of crying over ppl not caring abt the fucking pandemic and treating me like a selfish weirdo for not considering their selfish feelings over their own and others’ lives.

its like just like w my job coach after my voice clearly shook in anger, nd she asked abt why i was going to the MRI scan i mentioned, nd i said it was bc of hormone imbalance and doctors worried abt me not having PMS regularly, nd she replied w like this sympathetic smile, like ahh thats why youre irritable, ‘ohh so you have PMS regularly, ah, yes that must be-‘ nd i was like ‘no actually it’s not regularly, i dont have it for months‘

i just feel lightheaded every time i stress cry now bc its too much stress nd devastation all at once. not to self victimize but life rn feels like im in a bad hidden camera prank where people try to convince me im insane for believing a deadly virus is dangerous and that doing so is very selfish somehow. except its not a prank and real and i hate it. idk how to even vent abt this to my best friend bc he doesnt deal well w expressing empathy bc autism nd like, we hug a lot but he doesnt rly know wht to say. nd maybe its true im going irrational nd acting too angry at fcking work or in public but thats bc the systems r so fucking messed up tht no one seems to be aware of shit like the dangers of pandemics?? capitalism?? cops (remember the new years story where i was concerned for a man in psychosis bc the whole street called the cops on him nd they didnt respond or say anything at all when i expressed i wasnt happy they called cops on him nd then acted like i was hysterical??)(FOR WORRYING ABT ROTTERDAM COPS!! WHO R OFTEN REPORTED TO ASSAULT PPL SEVERELY ND LOVE TO TALK ABT WANTING TO KILL PPL IN THEIR LEAKED GROUP CHATS??)??

like just w all of these things it feels like im talking to a wall when saying smth as simple as ‘í would like to ask you to keep your mask on when we’re in the office‘ or ‘no i would not like my vulnerable old family member to come over inside during a pandemic‘. maybe i am turning fcking nuts maybe!! maybe i might fcking lose it!!!!!

[liv324]

Waking up in my Dream Life

I woke up with a dreadful calling of mom saying “GIRLSS TIME TO WAKE UP ITS 9″ Oh how i hated those words, i was so tired. All I wanted to do is go back to my amazing dream! My dream life to be exact ! So I fell right back to sleep not caring about my "real life"... next you know I'm woken up again but with a satisfying smell.. it smelt like pancakes and bacon !! I wondered to myself did my mom make some good breakfast for once or is it all in my head.. suddenly I hear my annoying alarm go off , I snoozed it. I noticed i had a different phone. I was confused because the rest of my room was the same. I had my cheer accomplishments on one wall and my collection of my ceramics crafts on my dresser. So when I got up I put on my pink Nike slides and headed toward my door cuz boy was I hungry! Tht smell really got me up. When I opened the door I gasped! "Wtf where am I?" I questioned to myself. I looked around the hallway which was sooo different like I mean DIFFERENT. The mirror on the wall was gone. Lulus crate was not existent. And The bathroom was 2 doors down from my room instead of across my room. I lowkey got scared so I quickly went back to room with my eyes closed to hopefully go back to where I from. But when I opened my eyes my room was totally different! It was my dream room ! It was beautiful!

I spinned around my room so happily and on my door there was a mirror it showed me and screamed in happiness when I looked at myself.. I was beautiful and perfect in my eyes. I was still wearing the same thing from when I got up but my body was totally different.. I was literally slim thick my stomach was flat my boobs were perky and my ass was toned. My hair was straight and a nice brown color instead of streaky blonde highlights. I was so happy. I opened my closet to see what I had and I hate such cute clothes! I grabbed a cute floral dress and some cute sandals and went out the door to find a bathroom. When I saw an opened door I looked in and it was a bathroom so I stepped in then I got pushed out from some boy. "To slow hun" said the Mike and he slammed the door in your face. You were shocked on who you saw but lowkey mad at what he did. Aria came behind you and said "Why aren't you using your own bathroom Eve?" You turned around and looked at her happily "Oh I umm I don't know actually I'll be right back" you said while you go back to your room and try to find the door to your bathroom which was in the corner of your room. When you went inside the bathroom you took off what you had on and examined your new improved body . Your skin was flawless and tan no dark areas just one color. You took a quick rinse off and you didn't have to shave anything was already shaved for you from a previous time. So once you got out of the shower you fixed yourself up and put some light makeup and brushed out your hair and put on your cute outfit . You noticed your stomach was growling so you grabbed your phone and headed downstairs for breakfast. When you checked your phone it's said you had 2 missed calls and 15 missed messages. I didn't know who they were from but shortly I found who the 2 missed calls were from. So I headed downstairs to be greeted with a great smell of food and my parents and my siblings and ZACH DEMPSEY!! I didn't know why he was there but hopefully it's what I think it is.

When you looked into Demseys eyes you couldn't help but smile. You loved the kid from his daring eyes to his toned ass. "Hey babe I called you a couple of times to let you know that ur mom invited me for breakfast I hope Thts fine" said MY MF BABE!! "Of course honey it's fine" said my mom.. "yah of course Zach" I said smiling. I sat right next to Zach and grabbed some pancakes and a sausage. We ate all together which was super nice. We all talked and laughed. Zach grabbed my inner thigh which caught me off guard. He was watching me suck on my sausage before biting into it and zach whispered in my ear saying " you know what else you can suck if we leave rn?" He looked at me seductively and I looked at him smiling and I nodded my head and told my parents "we have to go because we are gonna be late for school". I stood up and grabbed my babes hand and he dragged him off his chair and we headed to the door. "Okay be careful now" my dad said and then mike stopped us at the door to give my backpack. "Hey where are you going so speedy fast" he asked all nosy and shi .. " to school now beat it mike" I clapped back. When we headed out I saw Zach's BMW waiting for us.. he opened the door for me like a gentleman.. I was soo excited for what was gonna happen next.. Dempsey speeded away and I was holding his hand on the way to school. I was lowkey getting impatient because cmon it's zach and all I could think about was pulling his damn pants down and sucking the life out of him. Zach saw how impatient I grew and he grabbed my thigh and kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear "we are almost at our spot" those words killed me. "OUR SPOT!" We had a spot!! I was so excited! When I looked out the window I noticed a lot of trees and a nice big lake. This must be our spot I thought to myself. He stopped the car in front of the lake. I was getting nervous cuz this would be my first time giving head tht Ik and I didn't know what he was gonna do to me.

Zach grabbed my neck and pulled me into a deep kiss and then I got up and straddled him on the car seat.. he kissed down my neck and took off my dress revealing my bralete he removed tht too and started sucking on my nipples the sensation was amazing i literally rolled my head back.. it feels like iv done this before but in this life. It was great. He gave me a hickey on my neck and whispered in my ear saying " You are so hot babe.. please suck my dick" you giggled at tht and you pulled the seat further so you had room to go down on him. You accidentally put ur hand on the wheel to get steady and a loud honk came on. We both got scared and jumped he grabbed me and I looked out the window and I was pretty sure i saw someone out there I saw a blue jacket in the distance but zach started laughing and i looked back at zach and started to laught still curious who tht was out there . He kissed me again and then I got back into the mood. I went down on the car floor and pulled down is pants and his huge cock flew out and my eyes grew wide I was surprised how big he was I was lowkey scared I couldn't handle it but idk how but myself just started going at it and I  did it really good cuz zach was definitely pleased and I heard his cute ass moans. And it made me smile but I was shocked on how good I was doing .. he busted in my mouth but I didn't mind cuz he tasted so good. After tht session was over I put back my clothes on. And I  kissed zach and left a little mark on him as well. After We headed to school.

When we got out of the car he held my hand. I felt secure and happy with him. And everyone was looking at us. When zach opened the doors to liberty hs he yelled " what's up my boys !!!" Looking over to Justin,Bryce,Jeff,Monty,and Steve mf Harrington! I couldn't believe he was friends with them but I mean look at Steve he is so hot with his hair and tht blue liberty high varsity jacket on.. I would fall for him in a heart beat but I snapped out of it and remembered I had a great boyfriend. And then I looked back at Steve and he gave me a wink. I was surprised he would do tht especially in front of ppl. And I heard a few familiar voices from a far calling my name. I turned to see who it was and it was my best friends. Spencer,Emily,Hannah,Aria,and Ali... I walked to them and they grabbed me in a huddle "hey eve are you okay ?!" "Is everything okay?" They asked.. I was super confused on why they were saying tht .. "yah ofc why ?!" I asked super curious but nervous as heck. "Oh no she doesn't know yet" said aria .. "wtf is going on!" I asked "ummm so there is pictures going around with you and Steve at a party hooking up" said Emily "I don't think zach saw yet cuz someone just uploaded them like 20 mins ago" said spencer.. I was so scared at what zach would think cuz I honestly don't remember anything tht happened tht night.. they showed me the photos and they were crazy bad.. I looked over and saw Bryce showing zach the photos.. zach looked at me disgusted.. I tried to go to him but he walked Away. I was no confused and hurt.. I went to class and he was in the same class. I saw him and he looked down mad and hurt. Ppl were looking at me disgusted and some jealous looks tht I got both super hot guys. I sat down and I kept looking at zach to think of what I should say after class.

When the first period bell rang I watched him pack his stuff up and I quickly got up and grabbed his arm letting him tht I had to talk to him. "Zach please listen.. let me talk" I said . "Evelyn you fuxking lied and cheated on me there isn't much you can say" he said. "No the thing is i don't even remember doing those things with Steve like at all.. i would never want to hurt you Zach" I told him. "The thing is you still hurt me and Idk if I can forgive you for this" he said. " No babe please ! I honestly don't even like him and I don't remember a damn thing!" I explained. "Well it doesn't look like tht on those photos" he said walking away. I tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't and I ran to the bathrooms and went into a stall and wiped my tears away. When i was doing so I heard girls giggling and talking. I ended up listening to what they were saying. "I can't believe that Evelyn girl got caught cheating on her hot ass boyfriend" said one girl. "She is so dumb to think that she wouldn't get caught!" Said another girl. "Well let's hope Steve Harrington knows what he's doing to stay out of this drama.. he is so hot and shouldn't be with a girl like Evelyn.. it's literally not fair I mean like almost all the guys at liberty try to freaking hook up with her.. I guess she made that mistake with Harrington" both girls giggled and walked away. You heard everything and that made u cry even more but then you realized tht your the hot shot at the school and shouldn't care what ppl think. All I cared about was getting zach back !

After school I tried to find Steve cuz I had to talk to him and get some answers .. I figured he would be up at the field practicing so I went up and there and I saw him along with many other guys I even saw zach and his face said it all .. he look bummed as ever and it hurt me to see him like .. so as I waited for the practice to be over I grabbed steves attention and I called him over. He saw me and got super happy to see me and ran to me.

"Hey beautiful wanna finish where we left off last Friday ?" Steve said

"Steve what are u talking about and why is all this happening?!" I told him

"Wdym I thought this is what you wanted..clearly you wanted me tht night. And I honestly don't know who took those pics and posted it. But all Ik is tht I want you with me" Steve said as he got super close to my face and tried to kiss me. I pushed him off

"Steve I'm sorry but we can't do this, I can't do this! I love zach and I don't want to hurt him anymore" I said to Steve

"Fine whatever do what you want be with him but Ik deep down you want me." Steve said and running back to the locker rooms. I stood there thinking to myself. After I gathered my thoughts and my belongings I headed to Zach's car to wait for him.

When I saw zach heading to the car my stomach started to hurt cuz i was soo nervous on what was gonna go down .

"You ready to go" he said bluntly and got in the car

"Uh yeah but zach can I please talk to you" I said

"What about ? I told you there isn't much to say" zach said

"ZACH I LOVE YOU AND I DONT WANT TO EVER HURT YOU AGAIN!" I yelled to get in his head.

"Eve Ik you do. And Ik you were beyond drunk and I forgive you.. just make sure it doesn't happen EVER again !" He said . I was so happy he said tht .. I gave him a kiss and closed my eyes to rest.

When we got to my house he asked me if I wanted to go to a party.

"Hey babe before you go there's this party tonight at Bryces. Do you wanna go ?" He asked

"No thanks babe I rather spend it with you. If your down. I checked the movies that are playing at the crestmount and there's a good one i think you'll like" I told him

"That sounds way better babe! I'll pick u up 7" he said . I agreed and kissed him goodbye.

[ravensloane]

surprise! more of the hurloane ace attorney au! here’s all the stuff i hav about the case so far:

location: the goldcliff greenhouse

time: probably late at night, around closing time (say 9-10 pm?)

murder weapon: a plant pot that was smashed over the victim’s head, no fingerprints

two witnesses: merle (a botanist that helps with taking care of the greenhouse, was currently closing the place down & shooing away any visitors that remained), and taako (a visitor that was being escorted out by merle) both happen to stumble across the crime scene on their way to the exit

here’s a very accurate art piece of what tht scene may hav looked like tht night, drawn by yours truly:

it was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. sloane is still a thief in this au (think sort of like. mask demasque but not super popular yet) but no one knows why she was trying to rob a greenhouse of all things and sloane refuses to say anything on the matter, even to hurley.

when hurley & angus search the crime scene, there isn’t that much evidence at first. they find the broken pot, the blood stain, & the rope in the tree (which angus has to point out to her. she would’ve totally missed it otherwise. she assumes that the cops probably would’ve missed it too, unless they also have a keen-eyed boy detective searching with them.) and then just before they’re abt to call it quits, hurley finds a slip of paper behind a bush. the police must’ve disregarded it or something. unfolding it, she recognizes the sloppy handwriting as sloane’s. it’s barely legible and all she can make out is a name: “guy a. sache”. she pockets it to ask her abt it later.

there’s rlly not a lot of evidence in sloane’s favor. the rope could possibly get hurley far if her hunch was right, but then again maybe not. sloane was pretty much the only other person in the building (supported later by merle’s testimony since he was the one in charge of clearing the rest of the guests out for the day. all he found was taako). there was no one else who could’ve done it.

it also doesn’t help that she was in her whole thief get-up when caught. her gloves also added to the fact that there were no fingerprints left behind on the pot. merle & taako weren’t wearing any gloves, so it couldn’t have been them that had done it. and there weren’t any other gloves found around the crime scene.

eventually with no other leads left, hurley has to confront sloane about “guy”, which goes about as smoothly as you think. she refuses to say anything abt him. and hurley hopes she’s imagining this bc she swears she sees a glint of fear in those eyes when she first brings him up... who the hell is this guy sache?

also extremely relevant: lots of heartfelt and emotional times with these girls while investigating. people asking hurley why she trusts sloane so much and her just smiling and saying “i know she would never do something like this. i know.” and sloane, tired of dancing around the topic, straight-up asking her “why did you leave?” and the unsaid “why did you leave me?” behind it

*spoiler / solution to the case beyond this point btw !!! just a heads-up if u don’t wanna kno or smth idk !!! thanks for reading this far 💘*

much later, after two amusing witnesses & outside investigations, we learn tht guy sache is blackmailing sloane w info not abt her life, but with hurley & her mysterious past with sloane. info big enough that it would ruin hurley’s career & reputation forever. the real reason why sloane was there at the greenhouse that night was to meet guy a. sache, who promised to make a deal with her regarding the blackmail. but it was a trap. he called her there to blame her for a murder that he had been planning for a few months now. something about the dude having an old debt he never repaid to him. he had dropped the plant pot on his head from above in the rafters, waiting just for the right moment. when sloane appeared, he dropped it, escaping the scene before anyone could find that he was there. in his haste tho, he dropped the rope that he had used, which explains why it ended up in a nearby tree. sloane quickly realized that she was tricked, but had no idea how to refute it. and even if she did find a way, sache would definitely make sure she regretted it by spilling all the info on hurley to the public. that’s why sloane throughout this case was mostly uncooperative abt giving information. she didn’t want hurley to lose her job bc of her.

and that’s the basic outline of how the case goes !!! still don’t know how exactly the case will end (what with the blackmail shit & etc) but i think i made some progress on the au as a whole ghsjddhfh. thanks for reading my unnecessarily long ramble, have a good day

[wannasoftimagine]

park woojin as your soulmate

imagine having woojin as ur soulmate where u have to stay within a certain distance of each other at all times

its kinda hard for u to tell wht ur soulmate key is

but once u find out it becomes Really obvious

everytime u try and move to certain places, its like theres an invisible wall stopping u

some days u cant even make it to ur mailbox, other days ure able to go as far as the next city

u figure tht u have to stay within a certain distance of ur soulmate

the only problem is u dont know what exactly the distance is

rip

whoever ur soulmate is tho, they certainly move around a lot bc the places ure able to visit change every week

it makes going to school a bit difficult sometimes

not tht u care

ANYWAYS

one day u find urself able to go further than uve ever really gone by urself before

so ure enjoying the newfound area with wide eyes when u hear an upbeat song blaring from around the corner

u follow it bc ure curious and the song is pretty catchy, so why not?

theres this crowd of people huddled around, cheering someone on

n normally ud prob just walk by, but uve never been here before and ure feeling rather adventurous, so u push ur way to the center

theres this guy dancing in the middle, flowing so seamlessly to the beat of the music that its almost unreal

ure entranced

(itd be hard not to be)

the song ends all too soon, and some of the ppl move on

a few of u stay, and ure more than happy to be one of the people patiently waiting for the next song to start up

u make eye contact with him once, and he flashes a quick smile that makes ur heart flutter in its chest

bc he literally? has the cutest smile tht uve ever seen

and even tho it was only for a second, ure pretty sure u saw a bit of a snaggletooth and that just makes it all the more adorable

so

needless to say, ure absolutely taken with him

eventually another song starts playing, and he starts dancing again

ur mind literally goes blank

like soulmate?? idk them all i know is the cute boy dancing

it goes like that for awhile- he dances, people cheer, u stay and watch and hope u can get a glimpse of another smile

a handful of songs later, and hes shuffling over to u

u freeze bc maybe ure standing on smthn ure not supposed to? mb he thinks its creepy tht uve been here for so long, and he wants u to leave?

nope

he manages to introduce himself, and u find that his name and voice r just as cute as the rest of him

another song starts back up again on his playlist

but this time, its a slower song

its still bright and upbeat tho, just not as much compared to his past music choices

and he reaches out a hand for u and gestures for u to join him

ure like?? no this is HIS THING im not gonna ruin it w my awkward dancing

bc lbr u cant dance nearly as well as he can

but he insists and even as ure worried tht ull chase all the spectators away

he twirls u around and catches u and both of u are laughing and hopping around like nothing else matters

and u feel on top of the world, so enraptured w woojin tht u dont even notice the crowd of ppl cheering on u two and how “cute” u guys are

the song ends as all good things do - way too soon

u make ur way back to ur spot in the crowd, embarrassed, but he keeps smiling and some of the strangers around u clap for u

more of them disperse, and woojin makes his way to u again to make small talk

of course, bc thats The Way Things Work, u end up asking him abt his soulmate key

its kinda awkward bc even tho its impossible, ure hoping woojin is ur soulmate

but what are the chances, right?

lol

he tells u that hes not rlly sure, but sometimes it’s like there’s a physical wall some places

and ure like.. thts cool its kinda the same for me

except for u, it happens all the time and woojin says his rarely happens

and hes looking at u like maybe MAYBE u guys r soulmates and its so unlikely but the more he has the glint in his eyes, the more u want to believe hes right

so hes like okay. this is gonna be weird but give me ur phone number super quick

and u do, and hes like stand there and dont move. ill be right back

and just SPRINTS OFF

u get a call like a minute later and u pick up to hear him wheezing in the phone “try to move around”

so u turn around and try walking and nothings out of the ordinary

but u hear woojin getting into a car on the other end and telling the driver to go as far away as possible

and ure like???? what is going on

but eventually u just. cant move any further

in fact, ure being pushed backwards, which is rlly weird and u yell all of this to woojin over the phone

n after a minute of scrambling and what u think is him thanking the driver, he tells u to try moving again

this time, ure able to take a few steps forward before u have to stop

u hear movement, and then he tells u to try one more time

u do, and u make it a few more steps

hes giggling into the phone and ure smiling bc wait a second

and he manages a “y/n, i think ure my soulmate”

and all u can say is “i think so too”

and its. so so cute and soft and he has to empty out his wallet to afford a ride back to where u are and it takes awhile but when he gets back, he picks u up and swings u around bc he can

u can tell hes still a little nervous around u, but ure still a little nervous around him too, and u kno its smthn tht will fade w time

later, he apologizes for moving around so much and making it harder for u to get places

u tell him its okay, bc now ure going to keep an eye on him so ure never too far apart

he cant look u in the eye bc hes shy and cant stop grinning but he manages a quiet “im glad i met u, soulmate”

and ure just as glad as he is

others: jisung | sungwoon | daniel | daehwi | more coming soon!