#idk why but that scared me kinda idk
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bitch wtf i just hit 10k
#omg???#idk why but that scared me kinda idk#i love you all so much#i feel like i gotta do more for yall#i dont deserve you#weird timing tho cause im going on vacation today#lmaoo but i will be back in july#and hopefully posting more for yall#i love you so much omg#thank you for the support fr fr#nonsims
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why is this even a conversation if we know one thing its that the writers room’s most common phrase is “we’ve done that already” and they quite literally ALREADY did a plotline about what happened to Trump LITERALLY LAST SEASON down to everyone just getting nicked by the bullet 😭😭😭
#like what commentary would they need to make that they didnt already say in ep 2 last season lmao#dont get me wrong im kinda scared of s17 too but i dont get this lol#like it didnt even cross my mind#so idk why everyones in a tizzy#like i’ll eat my words if im wrong but lololo
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Having one of those days where I wanna delete everything I've ever written and crawl into a hole to hide for forever.
Don't worry, I'm not actually gonna. My brain is just being stupid.
#i don't know why i can't shake this feeling that everyone is gonna hate lucy and be hoping that she dies or ends up miserable#some of the responses i've gotten to these past two chapters have been...idk kinda hostile in a way that's got my defenses up#and i'm honestly kinda scared to post the rest of the series because i feel like the blowback i'm gonna get is gonna be really really bad#considering we're only just starting this arc and people already are upset with me over it#normally i'm fine with people not liking my fics or ocs but idk i've poured my whole heart and soul into lucy and this series#it makes me sad to know so many people are gonna hate her#bleghhhh sorry for being such a downer i'm just in a weird mood these past couple of days#lily babbles
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had some brainworms about transfem furina.... can anyone hear me.
i feel like this would have really interesting implications in her story, much as she loves acting, but struggles with it due to the 500 years she spent being forced to act, would being a woman be the same for her? she doesn't know where the act ends and where her actual identity begins. is she a woman because she wants to be, or just because she had to be one. even if she enjoys it more than the alternative, does she actually enjoy it? or is it just because she was one for so long that she enjoys it?
i can imagine that focalors likely didnt care much about her identity/presentation as archons have been shown to be able to change their forms at will basically, but furina is the human counterpart of focalors. she doesn't have that ability to change herself just like that. i imagine gender identity would be much more important to a human, especially one that must keep up an act at all times, than a god, and thus something that would affect her. something she would think about. a lot.
maybe post-prophecy, she would experiment. figure out if femininity is in fact something she wants. maybe she would try to go back to being "cis" and then realize it wasn't right for her. and i imagine that she would flourish more being able to properly express her femininity rather than doing it just because it was apart of the role.
#my art#genshin impact#furina#idk. i think trans readings of furina in general are very interesting. it could work any which way for her.#but. something about the transfem furina hc really hits for me and im not sure why!#it got me thinking!#sorry if these thoughts arent coherent. im not the best at expressing what i want to say. hope it makes sense though!#but god. furina and how complicated her feelings must be on everything is so so so interesting#it must be a nightmare to figure out who she really is and how she really feels. how she really thinks.#since her identity got blurred together with that of being an archon#kinda scared to post this bc i dont usually post headcanon type stuff (probably fear about being Wrong about something) but here we go!#well whatever this is also my sideblog and not my main.
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UM SO super super super rough thing i cooked up today
inspired by a very in depth convo i had w @gguksgalaxy about svts hands that literally pulled me out of a HORRENDOUS 4 month art block thanks boo lol
#THIS IS REALLY ROUGH DONT LOOK AT IT FOR TOO LONG#might delete this later hnnghngjnrdjgr#idk why im scared im kinda scared#AGAIN this is really rough lol also i don't think I've worked this fast ever#the camera lens almost put me in a coma idk why i did that#svt#seventeen#dokyeom#seokmin#dk#svt fanart#art#hands#drawing#procreate#seventeen fanart#em.draws
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nah cuz I would pass away if someone asked me if I was into them 😭 but CONGRATS ON GETTING THE DATE!! I hate to say we told you so, but we definitely told you so 😌💅
Bro I literally short circuited lmaoooo like it was not cute and I almost died fr. But yeah, date secured ahskaksk y'all were right 😭 it still feels so surreal lmao I'm still vibrating about it
#not snz#like what do you mean it doesn't have to be a hopeless crush forever ahdkaksk#I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck it all up ahskkaksls#like I've never dated anyone and the most I've ever done is peck a couple friends on the lips bc we were thirteen and curious 😭#idk how to do any of the relationship stuff like where tf is the instruction manual#and i know damn well this guy has dated people and i have to assume he's got a body count#which is fine obviously but i have no experience here like I'm completely out of my element 😭#idk like maybe I'm way overthinking it but I'm still like 😩#need to circle back to the concerns bit of the conversation bc i have several now lmao#like i feel like they're concerns for (hopefully) way later down the line#but i don't wanna be months into this and then realize that we're incompatible for one reason or another#like i need all the potential deal breakers laid out now so neither of us waste our damn time ahsksjksdk#i guess i can bring it up on Saturday 😭#it should be an in person conversation i just know I'm gonna be so fucking awkward 😭#hopefully that's part of my charm to him bc he seems to like all the other things about me that i don't particularly like myself LMAO#anyway on a completely different note#wtf do cishet men even like ahdkakskak like can i send him cute little wholesome memes or is that weird#I'm too gay for this shit lmao why would i do this to myself#like do i get to send him sweet little texts or do they not like that kinda thing#i wanna romance him i just don't know how ahdkkakss maybe I'll bake him something idk#I'll sleep on it i guess lmao#partner posting
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An idea I had for a different Rob desing . .
#Ngl I only did this because I wanted to have an idea on what should Rob look like in my brother's videogame#Because on his game there exists this place very similar to The Void and I asked him if he could add Rob in there and he said he could#But if he was gonna do it I had to change his desing so#yk- Copyright doesn't kill him#I tried to make it different but i'm not sure if it's different enough and that worries me#Buuuuuut aside from that I LOVE this drawing so much srs ^^#It kinda scared me to share it here though#Idk I felt it would be kinda cringe and maybe you all won't like it but whatever I have to keep this account alive somehow#i'm also travelling so that's why I won't be able to draw as much#(though i'll probably procastinate on it because I have no ideas)#the amazing world of gumball#tawog#tawog rob#rob tawog#my art
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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AN. EPISODE. 🎸🪕🎻🪈🎺🎷🪘🥁🪇
#Malevolent#Malevolent Podcast#WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY#Okay but like real talk can we applaud Harlan for this ep? Bc it’s beautiful#The first like POV shift we’ve had#And it was very cool#But also kinda disorienting bc John does help me see the surroundings better but Mr. Collins here doesn’t have a John#He just has his orchestra#When he was mentioning working usually in pianissimo but using fortissimo this one time that was SO dang clever#And it makes sense why he uses the piano wire usually.. so he can hear his orchestra crystal clear#It was very good writing#But as the ep went on.. ESPECIALLY after he killed the cops whenever Peggy Gordon played I flinched#I heard one 🎵 and then AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#Evil song#But it sucks I’m scared of it and now it’s stuck in my head 😑#Anyway the conversation between Arthur and Butcher was interesting#This ep really makes you realize how Arthur is on the outside; how all those taxi drivers and clients see him#Idk why it’s fun when Collins brings up his eyes#And the big thing#LARSON IS COMMMMMMIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGG#LET’S BEAT HIM UP FINALLY PLZZZZZ#AND LIKE OH MY GOD DON’T KILL DANIEL PLEASE BUTCHER#JEEZ HEARING ARTHUR PLEADING BEHIND THE DOOR NEARLY MADE ME CRY HE’S SO DESPERATEEEEEEEEE#HE CAN’T LOSE HIS ONLY FAMILY#And then it ends how it began: 🎵🪇🥁🎸🪗🎺🎷🪘🪕🪈🎶#This podcast is so gooooooooood
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hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification
#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ...#im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!!#keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots#in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say#and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that#anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared#she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend#now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko#whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble#you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i#and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd#i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke#who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan#to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair#yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair#so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼#the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be#she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that#dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me#the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way#idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it#character analysis#yukimura keiko#yu yu hakusho
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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
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interacting with people in the internet is hard man. i don't interact much with the jse community bc i feel like everyone and their mothers and seán are out to get me
#i get anxious i picture the person in the other side of the screen like ugh here comes this nobody#i kinda wanna do egotober but i am............ scared.................#idk why am i like this i used to be so bright so willing to interact#WHAT microtrauma got to me huh#i'm talking!!
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added too much milk to my tea. i fear my life may be over 💔💔
#it’s not actually that bad it’s kinda good. i just was not expecting it#and i’m used to the specific amount of milk i usually have and this was not it.#and that upset me.#but it’s okay!!! because it is just tea!!!! at least it’s not cold idk.#AT LEAST IT WASNT TOO MUCH SUGAR!!!#i am not a sugar person when it comes to tea. i need like. half a tsp#and thats only for black tea#everything else i drink black.#but if my tea has too much sugar it is not a good experience :(#i also really don’t like when it’s not stirred properly and you get to the bottom of the cup & it’s like oh!! sugar!!! no thanks!!#it’s also really weird to me that i am not a sugar in hot drinks person#because i fucking love sweet treats!!!!! like i am such a sugar enjoyer!!!!!!!!#i am the person that will eat things that everyone else says are too sweet!!!!#i am a horrendously sweet food enjoyer!!!! i like candy corn!!!!#but yeah. anyways#why have i said more in the tags than the actual post 💔💔💔#tea#idk. thst felt necessary#i also felt like i was doing a little hashtag tea moment yk.#lately i’ve really been enjoying saying hashtag ironically idk why.#scared people think it’s unironic but also i laugh every time i dk it so. idk.#ALSO I SO GENUINELY DO NOT CARE#nobody is actually going to remember that i said hashtag one time. like no one actually cares!!!!!#ok yeah anyways!!! bye :D
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"You okay?"
"Mhm."
"Good, now go get ready and wish for the best."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x03#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#pls not him taking her hand and both of them smiling about it#i think her saying that rebecca being with amy is one less mystery to worry about was her being concerned about what's bothering him#like she's not going to pry this time if he doesn't want to confide in her about it#but she wants to give him the opportunity to talk to her about it if he wants to thus the ''are you okay?''#and i'm glad he feels comfortable enough to talk to her about some family matters#also them asking each other if the other is okay is everything to me#idk if it's just me but rhett looks pretty cautious but also protective of her in the second gif?#i love that she decided to speak up because it bothers her that rhett might be hurting#and to me it looked like he was also proud of her for speaking up#rip her putting her hand on his arm before she said ''have a good night'' made me sad#i would be hurt if my loved one felt like they would be shut down if they were to speak in front of my family#i get that they don't like her but why invite her at all?#he really felt better after holding her hand#also his little smile after she says going to court wouldn't be a great idea was kinda cute#i'm only slowing down because i'm stuck watching their happier scenes because i'm SCARED#i just know he wanted to stay in that bed with her... i mean i would#geez he really gets to wake up to that... lucky man#i love her tiniest smile after his after she said meeting his parents again at court would be a bad idea#just the softest ''morning'' ever#idk but when she started with ''i'm sorry'' i felt like he was gonna tell her not to apologize or something#i wanted to see him run after her and ask if she was okay tbh#his chair really was pointed toward hers... he's such a LOSER#i think she put her other hand over his when he held her hand...
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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Sometimes reading reviews of shows/movies with complicated/controversial characters makes me concerned at other people's lack of empathy. Or maybe I'm too empathetic 🤔
#mostly this is abt controversial characters#like when someone is going thru a tough thing but is somewhat of a shitty person#and the way people mock or blame them#and im meanwhile like: i wish i could leap thru the screen and protect you#my main example is the translator from saving private ryan 😔😔#they could never make me hate you upham!!!!#but man i was reading thru reviews of baby reindeer and a lot of the people concerned me#yeah the mc is a controversial kinda shitty guy who keeps making bad decisions#i yelled at the screen but it was but i understood why he was doing what he wss doing#and i was moreso like 'aaaahhh what are you doing man :< im scared for you'#meanwhile people in reviews are like HES SO STUPID HES SUCH A COWARD#oh my god do you guys have no level of empathy??????#people are not perfect!! you can acknowledge that without being so rude jfc#idk the way people treat characters like this scare me :<#but tbh i feel bad for everyone. im just very liable to empathy#to the point of it being bad 😭😭😭#woobies i guess.#i dont even want to name some 😭😭😭#idk its just like empathy is a button inside me that gets pressed easily#its just always little things that get me#like that scene in anatomy of a fall where shes eating in the bed WAUGH#im so easy 😭😭#catie.rambling.txt
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