#idk why but maybe it's because I can relate to him on certain levels :3

[my-timing-is-digital]

[ Ooc: I love how Data takes up 99% of my thoughts every single day. :3 ]

[oatmealdaydreams]

So About the New Asides... (Christmas)

Here's just a random list of my thoughts. Just finished the video (What Makes the Perfect Gift?). And oh boy, do I have some THOUGHTS to share.

[I was gonna finish a Intruloceit Crime Boss AU fic thingie as a surprise for a mutual bc why not, but this has me in its grip]

[beware Drunk Character, btw]

Longest post ever, jfc.

Also, I know exactly which people to ask which pairings about. I know who to ask to talk about Dukexiety (@where-are-the-spooky-gays-2), about Intruality (@rataticaisdreaming), about analogince (@disneybrandautism), about Roman in general (@prodigal-explorer and @disneybrandautism), about Prinxiety (@logan-the-artist), etc. etc. etc.

I know people and what they love and their favoured characters. I encourage everyone to infodump and geek out in the comments bc this episode fed us all.

Spoilers below

the lil present animation for the title thingie? cute

Logan waking everyone up and hosting the Secret Santa this time, yusss

Logan is responsible and it shows

"11th hour of beauty rest" -> I love Roman, he's one of my favs

^not this specific line, but can I just say with all of the angst and insecurity and such Roman has, I think I have to add him to my Kin List of Sides that I relate to at some ungodly level (which also includes Remus, Virgil, and Logan. and maybe also Janus)

the pipline to being a Roman kinnie/stan has been WILD okay idk what to tell ya lmao

"master of all kinds of rhythm, except circadian-" yep relating to Roman yet again

Logan's lil pacing in his spot, I call that him stimming and no I don't take criticism on that

^new headcanon unlocked: Logan (like Roman) cannot keep still to a certain degree

Logan and Roman aren't as different as you'd think btw

Virgil being woken up/summoned only by the sudden burst of adrenaline is so canon that I cannot. I CANNOT.

Patton's and Roman's excitement for Secret Santa is everything to me <3

autistic Roman autistic Roman autistic Roman-

"things are a little different this year" -> yeah about that

Serious Grinch Moment(tm)

Logan knowing a lot of medical knowledge makes me think he could have a special interest about it, but that may just be my "autistic Logan go brrr" headcanon nonsense

^...did Patton just indirectly call Logan the Grinch?

^^heart grow in size, he says to Logan... hhhh, I feel the slightest bit of angst vibes from that

"I just stress" -> me core

Roman checking on Thomas, awwww <3

The way Logan sounded when he said Remus' and Janus' names + Virgil's and Roman's reactions to them coming LMAO

"You may all have your feelings about them" -> the way Logan said 'feelings' like it's a plague, mm yeah heheh

Logan is such a f*cking mom, never stop pls

Janus pops like already drunk and Remus pops up all excited, dear frickin god do I love these two specifically

Drunk Janus is my fav thing ever btw

"what's up bro" // "hey..." -> siblings siblings this is my sibling (/ref)

omg Remus just being excited to be there and be included and to hang with his bro, he is so happy to see Roman cause BROTHERS, oh lord creativitwins slfjalkfskafaalkf

"they were right where I left them... in a vat of human excrement" -> I stan him for a reason, don't judge me

^he speaks and I either laugh or relate to it. usually both (no I will not elaborate on what this implies about me lmao)

"courteous laughter" mm yeah

Logan stops Virgil's escape HA

"That everyone will be secretly trying to win at" -> Roman is right and he should say it

"I'm not sharing it with anyone, I'm just showing it off" -> Janus says about his largest wine bottle that he definitely already started drinking from

Patton gets so excited he gets lightheaded

Janus got Patton? heheh moceit nation RISE

^you'll see what I mean when ya watch the episode

^^not just because he got Pat but because of the actual thought and effort he put into the gift

"I thought it was the corpse of a sea lion, but Janus wouldn't let me shake it." // "No, I don't think so. It's too light."

^...h- how does Patton know how much a dead sea lion weighs??

also Roman's reaction is basically "wut the f-"

"I might be mistaken, but I'm not." -> reason 39539 why I love Logan

"A BOX :D" -> Pat. Pat that's not everything.

^Janus being like "keeping opening the boxes" while pretending not to care, hehehe

^^"...you want me to destroy my new box?" -> all I can do is sigh, suddenly understanding why I may relate to Janus

REMUS CANONICALLY CALLED PATTON "DADDY", I-

^Roman's and Virgil's reactions, lmao

can I just say how much Ro and Vi are being the best of buds? like mm, platonic prinxiety is off the charts this episode

Remus' f*cking "whaaaaaaaa-" kills me

Janus just pouring wine into what's supposed to be a tea mug is funny to me

"but for Remus?" -> hey at least Roman knows his brother well enough to know an air fryer isn't exactly a Remus-typical gift idea

"someone they don't really know" but then Patton admitting he should get to know Remus better? hhhhhhh-

^intruality nation, we got fed, god damn

tbh a lot of pairings/ships were shown in some way or another, so I guess we ALL got fed today huh

"chicken fingers?" // "yeah!" // "human fingers" // "yea- hh, wha- wait-"

so many intruality interaction omg (my intruality moot is gonna be so excited, I can't wait to talk about this episode with him)

Remus is gonna experiment with the air fryer, ayyy

"I had Virgil" // "Ah f*ck-"

"with me own hands" -> I will never stop loving Remus

also Remus making Virgil a handmade gift? relatable and also aww, I imagine them as besties but in the dynamic where Virgil is kinda reluctant and Remus will never stop teasing whenever he can

^new headcanon: one of Remus' main love languages is 'i made this weird creative thing for you' and I only relate to him even more (essentially gift-giving but make it BETTER)

Mr. Fuzzy <3

Virgil knowing the inside joke between dork Sides- I mean dark Sides

^okay but just all the dukexiety and creativitwins and anxceitmus moments within seconds of each other in that scene is just aww

Virgil knowing what Remus calls his shower drain alfkjafksk

"I hate that I know that" -> reluctant bestie vibes

all of the analogical moments SENDS me because of how it plays out and how Logan felt hurt before realizing what his gift actually was, mm yeah aksfklsdfskfd

Virgil trying to hint subtly that maybe Logan should read it to see something, but Logan not picking up on the hints

^ngl took me the second watch-through to realize "oh he was trying to hint at him but he didn't pick up on it, like me haha"

^^do I kin Logan, you ask as if there isn't an obvious answer of YES

no wait bc the LOOK Remus gives Logan as he becomes more upset and literally encourages him to get angry and let his feelings out

^okay but why did Remus have to say it like that

Pat this whole episode says someone's name as if he's about to intervene/try to help the situation but then IMMEDIATELY says something about his box(es)

Virgil's sigh, lmao

Logan's passive aggressive sass sends me omg

Logan feeling like he needs to 'reevaluate' himself... hhhhh, the angst fics I could write from this moment alone dear lord

"I had Roman" // "Oh- oh, no-"

^idk why but Roman's reaction hurt me

^^like he doesn't have faith in Logan's gift-giving abilities? and how it seems most of everyone specifically has little-to-no faith in Logan's capacity for compassion/general emotions (except for maybe Janus and Remus, and Thomas bc he's been praising Logan for doing well during it all)

Okay but Thomas praising Logan? oh gawd, my heart-

^working on his relationship with the logical part of him, sfksalfkhskadf

LOGAN'S SIDE EYE TO VIRGIL-

^(he's so petty lmao)

Roman liking his present from him <3

^this reminds of the last Secret Santa they had when Ro made Lo a full-on fanfic of him replacing Watson and working with Sherlock and etc (headcanon: both the twins have their love languages involving their creative merits/talents because they're Creativity)

just generally speaking, gift-giving seems to be pretty high up there on everyone's love language list (in their own ways)

why is Patton not the greatest at gifts

^I take that back because he is putting thought into his gift-giving (though not a lot when it comes to Remus cause he doesn't know him well), though he tends to misread/misunderstand what they'd really like? ...is that a neurodivergent thing? cause like that's a little relatable actually

^^also lmao, I just realized the only people Pat's got as far as the series goes is literally the twins (so maybe he's just not sure how to go about the twins? cause like, he seems to know Logan and Janus and kinda Virgil pretty well, but he seems to struggle with the twins? or is that just me)

"because f*ck that asshole" -> love it when Logan cusses <3

then Remus' reaction, omggg (his lil "for christmas")

The genuine joy on Roman's face when sees Logan put Roman on the dollar bill is EVERYTHING, do ya know how much he gets to be happy? (not a lot, if we backtrack to the last canon episode in which Roman's entire worldview broke, but some of ya aren't ready for that convo yet)

sorry but seeing the now-rare joy on Roman's face, awwww

JANUS SHUT. S H U T.

as soon as Janus speaks, Roman's smile drops and is replaced by upset, hhhhhh

^so the amount of angst fics I can make on that scene alone is very much a high number

Janus is so drunk, jfc (he keeps laughing and the filter is basically gone at this point)

"massive ego" -> see Jannie Boi, I think ya missing the part of him being The Ego and how f*cked up he already is but you keep making it worse & a part of me thinks you know you're making it worse because one of your Big Jobs is to actually protect and nuture the Ego but ya ain't doing ya f*ckin job and Roman's self-esteem and self-confidence seem to be dwindling every time you speak bc he knows ya gonna hurt him again for the millionth f*cking time

^I have a lot of Feels, okay?

"quite the unhinged jaw" -> I see what ya did there (literal snake man)

Jan pours more wine, oh lord here we go

this episode has both made very happy but also hurt me deeply all in one go

Why does Patton sound like he was about to actually defend Roman only to yet again comment on his boxes?

^why do I get the feeling this has something to do with the finale coming soon and also the angst arc that royality is currently going through?

I just realized the twins' spots are next to each other <3

^loving all the twins content this episode, exploring their brother relationship yusss

"yessss, full circle at last" -> He's so f*ckin drunk, oh my god

^he's literally holding onto the wall

also ayy, canonical that Janus hisses in his speech cause ya know. snake.

^the snake traits coming alive this episode

"such a sweetie going through all that effort" -> wait for it

AY HE GOT B*TCHSLAPPED, THAT'S RIGHT MF

he deserved it

Remus' amused "oh" as he enjoys the drama and Roman's passionate "YA GET A B*TCHSLAP, JANUS" is so f*cking delcious

Thomas being like 'what just happened-' as Jan gets slapped is funny to me

"it really is Christmas" -> H A

"won't even share the wine" -> Logan sounds so sad tho

I love how Janus was so impressed with the b*tchslap and how it was executed that he can't even be that upset about it

JANUS GOT PAT A GAG GIFT -> moceit moceit moceit-

^see told ya; Jan was thoughtful with it

"I was getting a bit too catty" -> being self-aware

Pat making a cat pun because of Virgil's hissing <3

Remus being like "nooo, the drama!" lmao

omg omg omg THE ANALOGICAL ENDING skfksfksjdfs

^I make it sound like it's one of many endings to a video game lmao

but srsly, Logan finally ready the newspaper to realize it's actual a puzzle for more puzzles and him being very happy <3

Virgil's evil laughter is legit just him being him, I love this character

okay but Vi knows Lo so well?? they're besties.

"Mr. Detective" from Virgil + Roman's lil smile as he watches Logan be happy with his puzzle(s) cause he knows how much Lo likes mystery (see when he made Lo that Sherlock fanfic) = prinxiety knows Logan very well and now I imagine analogince being a bestie trio of comfort and caring for their nerd

^Analogince has become something I didn't know I wanted until now lmao

"Oh Virgil" -> gay

"and you thought I'd just get you a newspaper" -> alfkjslafskfdslkfs I will never recover

aww Logan's happy smile! he's getting to be happy!!

"Mr. Fuzzy doesn't like being dropped" -> Remus, never stop being you

all the dukexiety content this episode feels my heart with joy because they're Brainrot to me

"how did you know-" // "we're you and also you're kinda easy to read"

^Janus taking offense to Thomas being easy to read bc he's Deceit and Self-Preservation, aka: the combo for Masking

"that's rude" -> idk why but the way Jan said that, it made me go aww

^he's so f*cking drunk at this point (props to Thomas (irl) for all the acting as a drunk character cause it was amazing and realistic as hell)

aww logince moment when Lo asks Ro to help him cause Creativity and Ro's smile

^(to be fair, there's a considerable amount of logince moments but this is the only one I pointed out as specifically logince)

can we talk about Nico's gift to Thomas? a necklace with a Ying-Yang charm and what looks like a rainbow charm?? symbolism heheheh

^many thoughts about the Ying-Yang cause balance and black-and-white mindset changing and etc.; but also the rainbow(?) charm cause GAY

Also, Nico Flores content!!

wait, is the endcard the moment when Nico and Thomas become serious? OMG GUYS Y'ALL, WAIT A SEC-

Janus End Card -> I laughed so hard

This episode was basically Growth, Angst, and Tumblr's Headcanons Get Confirmed.

[impandgnomes]

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan (pls) (for the ask thing i mean asdfghjkl;)

lmao ty - lemme do this a sec

1: sexuality headcanon

The boy is bi. Don't ask me how I feel it with such certainty, but I feel it. Also not sexuality, but potentially enby and I feel that in my soul.

2: otp

If I were to put him romantically with someone, I guess Kyle? Those two have a bond that is too adorable however you cut it. I've always had a soft spot for close male friendships in stories goofy or serious, it seems (Egg moment? Egg moment...you don't exactly get that in life when you look like a girl lmao)

3: brotp

Besides Kyle, I'm hoping we'll see more of him and Tolkien hanging out fr. Honestly, I think it would be too niche for an episode but like imagine those two getting Kyle into Warhammer. It would be funny.

4: notp

Sorry, but Wendy can do better. Like maybe they could be friends, and I'm never gonna object to art of the two of them but she really shouldn't stay with him lmao. She's 10 but like...surely even she knows the truth here lmao

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

You know what? He's going to be the second character ever that I claim eats peanut butter with a spoon directly from the jar. That headcanon is so specific and pointless that it's funny. The other one with that honor is one I used to RP from another show back when that was airing (and if you ask certain family members is literally me - someone I know might be reading knows who, but I'll leave the rest of you to guess). In Stan's case, I like to think that Shelley is very vocal about how much it pisses her off and wonders why he can't just make a sandwich lmao.

My other bitter headcanon is the feeling that Matt and Trey are going to keep his family on Tegridy for as long as possible because it's funny to them (both in terms of writing and fan reaction), but honestly kinda breaks my heart that he lives so far from the other three little guys right now.

6: favorite line from this character

Another time where I legitimately cannot think of a single line (but instead many), so I'm just going to embed this because honestly everyone kind of slayed in this scene and I guess technically it's an answer:

7: one way in which I relate to this character

I was about to say I'd probably have an easier time listing ways I could relate him to other people in my life - there's a couple of people I could think a lot more than myself for - but then realized there are multiple non-bad-but-just-embarrassing things I would decline to state here lmao. The joys of having a character be one of the "normal" ones, I suppose.

That being said, we're both depressed af and 10 years old was a time and a half for me mentally; so I guess that. Finishing YGO/Assburgers both made me like him as a character more and had me staring into silence for like five minutes contemplating my life on an existential level for many reasons lmao

Also growing up, I was known for liking animals and didn't want any to suffer without cause. In my case, I got super obsessed with the RSPCA and I would get called brave by girls at school at the tender age of 8 for touching worms to rescue them from drowning in pavement puddles. idk why this was considered brave, as I was in no way scared to touch worms. Lately it's been making me think that I'd like to get a pet snail again, or at least go outside a bit more again since I've always regretted feeling like I couldn't after I lost a lot of hope in my life.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

I often say he sometimes needs a hug, but sometimes needs someone to absolutely slap him because he can pull some serious dick moves that make me die a little inside. I feel like if someone were to compare me to him, some of the times where I think he deserved someone slapping him would be the reason somehow and I would be offended but understand lmao

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

He's a little problematic, like all of us lmao

[bluejayblueskies]

How about an AU where Jon and Gerry have been dating since Uni and have managed to keep it secret from everyone (including Elias and Gerttrude) by complete accident?

send me an au and i'll give you 5+ headcanons about it! requests closed!

by accident you say? 👀

1. jon and gerry meet somewhere completely ridiculous (yet also completely mundane) where the chance of them running into one another was like.... one in a million. like, maybe jon's class got out early and so he decided to walk a little further from campus to try a new coffee shop that he's never tried before and never will again because he realizes he really hates the drinks and that it's not worth the walk, and gerry is in the area looking into something leitner-related and he looks down at his phone a bit too long and runs smack into jon when he's walking away from the coffee shop with a lukewarm travel cup of hot chocolate because they were out of tea (what kind of coffee shop is out of tea? jon thinks with a scowl).

the hot chocolate spills all over gerry and jon's like 'oh god sorry, do you- do you want me to do something?' and gerry's about to brush past him when he sees the person he was looking for and shit, they're looking this way so without thinking he just... grabs jon and pulls him into the nearest shop. which happens to be selling something weird, idk, little ceramic figurines. and gerry does Not know what to say because like, he can't tell this stranger that he's hiding from maybe-a-fear-avatar! so he's like 'uh. you can make it up to me by.... helping me pick out a figurine? for, er. my mother. yes.'

so they're just walking through this shop, gerry's shirt still wet with hot chocolate, jon Very confused and also Very late for class but somehow nervous to just leave, so they look at figurines together. gerry keeps looking back out the window and nope, maybe-an-avatar is still there, and now they're sitting on the bench and it doesn't look like they're planning on moving anytime soon and gerry really doesn't want to take the chance and gamble that the maybe-avatar won't recognize him or realize what he's looking for. so gerry keeps shooting down every recommendation jon gives him with some progressively-more bullshit reasons--'oh, my mum already has that one' 'that one's too expensive, i can't afford it' 'that's too small' 'i don't like the way that one's looking at me' 'my mom's allergic to dogs, actually'--until jon's finally like 'okay what is going on and can i leave now?'.

and the maybe-avatar is still out there and gerry's certain now that they're watching him and he's suddenly very aware that he's spent a long period of time with this guy whose name he actually didn't quite catch and that it definitely looks like they're working together and ah, fuck, if i let him leave and he gets targeted because of me i'd feel horrible. so gerry sighs and thinks fuck it and is like 'listen i'm gonna level with you. i'm here looking for a book and there is somebody watching me right now and i know how that sounds but it's really not as shady as you think and also really not my fault but it is my fault that you're here too so. yeah. sorry i don't know if it's safe for you to leave.'

and all jon can think to say is 'a book?'.

and gerry's like 'don't worry about that bit, you really wouldn't understand' and jon gets all bristly and says primly, 'well, i'm a lit major and i work at the university library maybe i could help' and gerry can't help but laugh and say, 'really hope there's not a leitner in your uni library, mate'. and then jon gets this wide-eyed expression on his face like he's just seen a ghost and says 'what did you just say?' and before gerry can deflect again jon says, more intensely, but also hesitantly, 'is... is it called a guest for mr. spider?'.

and gerry's like 'um. no, it's not' and jon deflates a bit but now gerry's curious and he's like 'why?' and jon tries to deflect like 'oh clearly i misunderstood' but gerry's not budging and he's like 'no, no--have you read a leitner? gold bookplate, super fucked-up consequences?' and jon just goes pale which is really all the confirmation gerry needs. gerry feels the need to clarify that he hates them too--that he burns them whenever he gets the chance.

weakly, jon says, 'there... there's more than one?'. and then, a bit stronger: 'you- you're looking for another one? here? and you're going to burn it?'

gerry: yes, that's the plan. why--?

jon, without hesitation: i want to help

and maybe gerry is hesitant at first but, well. it seems like jon is already fully in this, so he reluctantly agrees, and they hunt down the leitner together and gerry lets jon burn it and then they're friends (and it really doesn't take long at all for that to transition into partners).

2. gertrude and elias missing that they're dating is a comedy of errors, including a lot of rather dramatic near misses including, but not limited to:

- jon always leaves a room just before one of them enters

- gerry always talks ambiguously about the person helping him hunt down leitners; elias always assumes he means gertrude, gertrude always assumes he means his mother. this is exploited to a comedic level

- getrude thinks 'going on a date' is code for gerry having a new lead on jurgen leitner and leaving to go chase it down

- when jon joins the institute as a researcher and runs into gerry in the building for the first time, he greets him neutrally in a mutually-agreed display of professionalism while working. gertrude and elias both remark at the fact that 'it's so nice that jon/gerry has a friend'

- gertrude, opening the door to the break room and bustling around inside, looking over at gerry where he's standing in front of the counter, jon sat atop it with his legs bracketing gerry's hips (they have very clearly just been kissing): oh hello gerard. jonathan. talking about leitners again?

jon, a bit embarrassed, slipping into Ultra Professionalism to compensate: i was just discussing with mr. keay the details of case number 0031211 regarding ms. cortena's experience with the talking vase--

gertrude, not at all interested, already knows that it's fake: right, right, carry on then

*after she's gotten her tea and left*

gerry, holding in laughter: 'mr. keay'?

jon, blushing: shut up gerry

3. gerry, casually, not actually aware that getrude doesn't know that he and jon are dating: yeah so then i had to leave my date early to go chase down this leitner and jon was not pleased

gertrude, after a hum of acknowledgement: how unfortunate. i'm not sure how jonathan's opinion on the matter is relevant, however. was he disappointed that you didn't ask him to track down the leitner with you?

gerry, Confused™️: he was.... at the date?

gertrude: at the date? whatever for?

gerry, now staring openly: because i was on a date with him? because we're dating? wait, did you not know that?

gertrude, not willing to admit that she missed that for nearly three years: of course i knew that, gerard. don't be foolish.

gerry, now even more confused: but--

gertrude, without missing a beat: i trust the leitner hunt went well, then?

gerry, after a long pause: um. yes?

gertrude, nodding: good.

4. there's an institute party and everyone's allowed to bring a plus-one

elias, noticing that jon's alone at the party: ah hello, jonathan. no plus one for you today?

jon: no, gerry couldn't make it, unfortunately. family business.

elias, somehow Oblivious, and also very Old Fashioned and way too familiar with his employees: quite. though typically, plus ones are of the romantic capacity. it's nice that you would consider gerard an acceptable substitute though, i suppose

jon, Bi confusion and suddenly unsure if his boss is homophobic: um. it.... it would have been in a romantic capacity?

elias, still Not Getting It: ah, i see. perhaps for the best, then--office parties don't make for pleasant first dates, in my experience

jon, unsure of how much of his personal life he wants to share with elias but not really wanting to pretend like he's not been dating gerry for going on three years now: um. it- it wouldn't be our first date. or- or really a date at all, just an- an event, i really don't think gerry would call this a date

elias, Getting it a little bit: ah. unfortunate, then. congratulations, i suppose, are in order. was it a recent engagement?

jon, ??????, biting the bullet: we've been together for three years, elias

5. jon, handing gerry a wrapped package on their fourth anniversary after they started dating: this is, um. this is for you

gerry, opening it and holding up the little ceramic figure of a dog: jon. is this--?

jon, in a rush: it's from that shop. where we, uh. where we met.

gerry, overcome with such love he really can't stand it, throwing all of his proposal plans out the window and digging the little square velvet box out of his pocket: jon can i ask you a question--

(jon is so surprised he just starts crying. it's only the fifth time gerry's ever seen him cry and he's so worried he said something wrong at first but then jon manages to say yes around his tears and jon wraps his arms around gerry tightly and buries his face in gerry's shoulder and whispers i love you and gerry hugs him tightly in return and says i love you, too, jon. i love you too.)

[syubub]

YOONGI SOULMATE READING

Disclaimer~tarot is speculative and this is my interpretation of energy. Take it with a grain of salt.

Honey boi time. Strap down because this one is wild. Kinda. And soft. Really really soft. And a little creepy. Buckle in.

So for starters Yoon has a dark, royal blue color energy. It isn't as opaque as Koos was but it was very... thick? Like its not that it wasn't opaque from a lack of energy but rather that kinda had clear energy mixed in too?? It was really pretty and its kinda like the more you look at it the deeper it gets?

It was kinda like this but deeper? And it was almost reflective and "sparkly" idk put it was real pretty.

So first thing to note. Yoon is always easy for me to connect with so he didn't have any barriers put up or whatever so when I was going towards him he was in red flannel pj bottoms and I was like, "am I missing something?" But no. He was just being comfy I guess? Now usually when I connect with energy of a person there's this like eternal tree trunk rope colum thing of energy or something that I kinda follow and then there's little platforms that they're on? I always have my back facing the energy colum thing when I connect.

That was not the case this time. Yoon essentially led me to his side to face the energy trunk? And he was like, "its weird on this side, huh?" ??? Hello, sir. What the fuck. This to me hints that maybe he is also going out and consciously connecting to energies? Idk man. But I was like, "yeah, it is kinda weird" It only gets weirder.

Next I was facing yoon and I was like hey I want to read your soulmate and gave him like a big ole energy marble expecting that to kinda get the connection going but the only thing I heard from his soulmate was "I can't tell you" like shit. And then he dissolved my energy offering? Oki. And I essentially couldn't connect with his soulmate at all. Anyway, I floated off the little platform thing (that was real bizarre) and yoongi connected with me.

His soulmates energy wasn't present at all but I was told to continue any way. Now for in my opinion the creepiest part. So, keep in mind yoons is actively connected to me and I was like, "well, if your soulmate isn't here then please guide me to what deck I should use for their personality signifier and he pointed me to the fountain tarot.

I started shuffling and after I did one bridge shuffle and split it to do another one he was like, "hey, you're gonna get temperance reverse fyi" and I was like hahaha no. And he was like, "no. Listen to me. Bridge twice, hand shuffle twice and split into two. And you'll get temperance rev. Turn it ride side up when it comes out" I was like okay but you crazy. Tarot doesn't work like that

Guess what fucking came up? TEMPERANCE REVERSED when I tell you I freaked out I mean I fuckin freaked. I know it sounds made up or unbelievable and if I didn't see it happen I'd say its fake but FUCK DUDE. So i asked my pendulum if it should be reverse and it was like no, flips that shit. And I swear to God yoongi was laughing at me for being spooked like the smug ass that he is.

Now

First note I wrote was sagittarius energy. This person has sagittarius energy. Yep yep yep. This person balances him out. Temperance is the card of sagittarius. Heavy fire influence in the cart.

Oki now onto personality explained. I got 3 of coins, the heirophant, ace of wands and the magician. This person is very spiritual and has been manifesting him (they’ve manesfesting eachother but I'll get to that later?) This is a person that values knowledge and is very creative and has a lot of quick ideas. This person also really values communication of knowledge. Loves to get it loves to share it. Probably the person that can tell you a stupid fact about almost anything.

We also have networked, storyteller, god and mentor. This is someone who loves to teach people about what they've learned. They like to share the wisdom (with the god card im inclined to say that they share spiritual wisdom but I don't see it as a career?) This person values communication and collecting knowledge.

Now, on to relationship. We have wheel of fortune, justice, ace of wands and the lovers. This relationship has been in the works on a spiritual level for a long time. They’ve been actively manifesting eachother. We know Yoon is at least a little psychic so this makes sense. This relationship is founded in balance. They treat eachother as equals. I also wrote, "certainly something devine". They have a witty rapport and its so so so loving! They have really good communication and respect for eachother! They are also good at keeping eachither accountable.

Now for this person's career. They’ve been going through a change so their career is undecided. There was likely a period of depression that put a pause on their career? But there's also the queen of coins which suggests that they will be making good money. Now, I chose 3 clarity cards on the queen of coins to help me figure out where this money will be coming from and I drew three more coin cards so this means this person is on the cusp of making some good money soon!

Now we have answer the call, awakening and share your voice. They are being called to be together. Again yoon is woke af and apparently so is his soulmate. The picture i get is like when they finally meet they're both a little shy because they've been connecting with eachothers energies and they're like, "whos gonna bring it up?" Like they are finally out of hiding when they meet. Its cute as fuck.

Oki. We have answered prayers, spiritual path and make time for self care. THEY ARE MANIFESTING EACHOTHER. They are a woke pair and the energy is so sturdy and solid. I also get the sense that they engage in self care together? Like they'll make sure to take care of themselves spiritual and physical. I also think that they would be that type of couple to have a mad bath bomb collection.

Side note: while I was doing this I got like a cute little picture in my head of them sitting on the couch in pj's and facemasks with towels on their heads sipping wine and that makes me soft.

Now onto the message from his soulmate cards. So we have release all anger, new idea, be positive, take a shot, Have you eaten? You're acting like a big ass baby and shit is going down with your job. Now. I made a note that this is from Yoon to his soulmate? Um, sir? But oki, yoon makes the rules. What I get from this is that his soulmate is currently going through some job related stuff and he's saying, "hey, its okay to start over. Do that thing you've been wanting to do for a while" he wants his soulmate to stop focusing on what isn't going right and just start fresh. I also lowkey think he's like, you need to just fucking chill. The world isn't imploding just because something isn't working out. Its very reassuring and it feels like he wants to comfort them. Cute

Let's talk about the descriptors now. Yoon was very picky with these? Which confused me. They don't know eachother in person is the vibe im getting and I don't think yoon has ever seen this person either? I think maybe he's had dreams of his soulmate? Idk but the cards are: quality time, fashionable, unique, free spirit, independent, short hair, younger, sweet, charming. I also made a note for brown hair and a masculine chart.

For my little word cards we have, fate, vows, serendipity and loyalty. WE GET IT. YOURE ADORABLE TOGETHER

"All men should learn before they die, what they are running from and to and why" is the little fortune. I think that this is yoon telling his soulmate to do some shadow work? Like find out why you do the things you do, why certain things anger you ect.

Now at this point I was told that I had to use the small deck to get more cards about the relationship. I was like "I already did that but whatever" and I did. I pulled 10 of cups, 2 of cups and the lovers again. WHAT. THE. FUCK. This is the most romantic and soulmatey soulmate reading ever. 10 of cups is emotional fulfillment. This is just everything. Everything! 2 of cups is romance, unified love. Its also about partnership. They work so well together. And the lovers card. Love, relationships and harmony. Oh my god its fucking nuts.

Now onto the final card. Again. Very very very clearly told that this is for his soulmate. We have, the perfection of your life. This card talks about a spiritual storm coming to shake things up in order to put things to put things back in perfect order. A quote I like from the book is, "all is unfolding to a perfect higher order." This to me kinda sums it up well. Shit is about to get crazy for his soulmate and its not a bad thing. Change is need for this person and there is change coming that will stir every thing up and place it back in better places. Ugh. I can't. He wants his soulmate not to fear the storm but rather embrace it and know that positive change will come out of it.

Last part. When the reading is over I always disconnect and essentially put the energy back? This time on yoons little platform (I sound like a lunatic trying to describe some of this shit I swear) I was like, "hey thanks for being cooperative and being so active and involved i appreciate that." And then he gave me an energy marble ball thing too? I was like, "thanks but what the fuck" and then I did what he did when I gave him the marble ball energy thing in the beginning and just... put it in my energy? Like thats what he did? so is that like an energy custom that I don't know about? Wtf. My best guess is that I gave him an offering of energy and he gave me some in return at the end? And then the little shit just dissappears? MIN YOONGI I HAVE QUESTIONS YOU CAN'T JUST DISSAPPEAR??

But he did. And that was the end. It was super fucking bizarre. So for say joo I connected to his soulmate through him. So it was a connection with the soulmate but hosted by joons energy? For Jk his soulmate gave me a direct link which was new and awesome but for Yoongi it was just a very direct connection with him. Just him.

That really tells me that he knows his soulmate well on a soul level and his soulmate literally said, "I can't tell you"

I'm confused but very happy for him!

Yoon is a very soft and sweet man, pass it on

[bthump]

I know this is very nitpicky, but what do you think is the level of awareness Griffith has during the stairwell scene? For a very calculated and rational guy like him, it's hard to imagine that he hasn't even tried to decipher where these strong reckless reactions come from. I mean... even king of denial Guts has reflected a bit on it. Enough to ask Griffith about it. I know yoy mentioned in a recent answer to an ask, that you don't headcanon Griffith as pining, so would you say that you (cont)

Would you say that you imagine that he compartimentalizes his thougts and represses to the point that he doesn't aknowledge at least to a certain extent, that his feeling for Guts are more passionate, than what he feels for other comerades. The fact that he fully realises the depth of those feelings once Guts leaves is clear. But Idk the stairwell scene makes me think that he is at least aware, that he has a bit of a crush, but choses to not give it much importance. Curious about your thoughts 

hmmm. okay first off I just want to say that I can see multiple possibilities, from full on repression and denial, to recognizing his attraction but not acting on it, to knowing he cares for Guts and wants him as a True Friend(TM) but often downplaying that because he believes Guts sees him mainly as a superior officer. But yeah I do prefer the denial and compartmentalization explanation and I want to go into why, because I think it’s fun to talk about lol.

So the big reason I read Griffith as refusing to acknowledge his feelings to himself is because that’s how he deals with all his other inconvenient feelings, like his guilt and fear and the fact that he cares about the Hawks. Like eg when he tells Gennon that he doesn’t feel a single emotion about him whatsoever, or when he tells Casca that he doesn’t feel guilty over the deaths of the Hawks, I don’t think he’s just lying to them, I think he’s convincing himself too, to the point where he really believes it.

It’s sort of hard to explain how I see this working in Griffith’s head bc it feels v intuitive to me but I know that’s not the case for everyone. So yk it’s not that I think he like, eg makes himself forget that he nearly had a breakdown in a river, but I think he doesn’t ask himself why he nearly had a breakdown beyond maybe a shallow ‘sex with gennon was unpleasant and made me uncomfortable for a couple hours but i’m completely fine now’ and doesn’t think about it afterwards if he can help it.

And when he tells Charlotte he doesn’t have any friends and tells Guts he belongs to him during the second duel, I think he’s telling himself lies/rationalizations he genuinely believes there too. In fact, I think his denial of his own feelings is straight up meant to be his tragic flaw, which is why he’s only able to finally acknowledge them in the torture chamber, after it’s caused his downfall.

In the torture chamber we see him remember the face-off with Zodd and acknowledge that it was an irrational thing to do and wonder why Guts is so important to him, and I think part of the reason the monologue works so well is because it’s the first time we see that kind of self-reflection sans lofty rationalization from him, because before he ended up trapped in his own brain for a year with nothing to distract himself in between bouts of torture he didn’t really ask himself these kinds of questions. If he had, things probably would’ve gone better for everyone.

And like, I don’t think this makes Griffith less intelligent, or negates his rationality in other areas of life. I don’t see a contradiction in someone being able to analyze a battlefield or read other people well but avoiding genuine soul searching whenever possible and lying to himself a lot. I think it’s actually pretty realistic - I don’t think very many people fully understand themselves or their feelings, even really self-reflective people, and it’s very easy to rationalize away inconvenient cognitive dissonance. and I include myself in that lol.

Griffith’s life is kind of a contradiction that would really fuck him up to untangle (he sends people to their deaths to achieve a dream for the sake of assuaging his guilt for sending people to their deaths to achieve a dream), so he doesn’t try to untangle it, he avoids the question and hides behind a philosophical ideal. And his feelings for Guts add to that cognitive dissonance because if he values Guts over the dream, that kind of proves his entire defensive life philosophy is bullshit and his whole life plan is built on a precarious house of cards, so it makes sense to me that he’d avoid examining those feelings closely too.

And you can look at Guts too, who does navelgaze a lot and tries to analyze his own feelings and motivations - when he’s faced with a contradiction (I want to become independent of Griffith and do my own thing solely to gain Griffith’s approval) he actually notices it and briefly questions himself... and then he still puts it out of his mind and continues pursuing his contradictory goal anyway, and manages to stay in denial for 3 days even after learning that Griffith ended up in a torture chamber because he left.

Along those same lines, Guts eg realizes that he kills things because it makes him feel better but he doesn’t make the connection between his irrational urge to fight powerful enemies and his childhood trauma the way the readers can, the King didn’t acknowledge his incesty feelings til Griffith shoved them in his face, Count Slug kept denying having human feelings til Puck went on a tirade against him and he couldn’t sacrifice his daughter, Casca lies to herself about her feelings for Griffith for a long time before finally acknowledging she’s in love and then doubles down on her Griffith feelings when her newer feelings for Guts threaten them until she has a breakdown and admits some things to herself (I mean I find that last one disappointing lol, but it’s also a really straightforward example of someone living in denial of romantic feelings and therefore a good comparison point to show that Miura does this on purpose), etc. So I think this interpretation of Griffith is also consistent with how Miura just like, tends to write people.

Like imo Griffith has moments where he comes close to self awareness and could’ve started potentially reflecting on his feelings and coming to better, more accurate conclusions, and those moments definitely include the Zodd conversation (as well as the river scene with Casca, and “do you think I’m cruel?”) but none of those scenes lead to useful self-reflection because they all go wrong. Casca tries but fails to reassure him bc she’s out of her depth, Guts reminds him of his dream, the King interrupts their conversation and Charlotte reorients Griffith towards his goal so he can move on from that moment of irrationality and refrain from thinking about it further for a while. Even after the duel Griffith tries to avoid self-reflection by fucking Charlotte imo (”take all the sad and frightening things and cast them into the fire” ie hey girl wanna repress some shit w/ me?), and imo his previous ability to do that makes it all the more impactful when it doesn’t work this time and he breaks down.

BUT YEAH all that said I don’t think this is the only reasonable reading of Griffith’s awareness of his feelings lol, it’s just the one I like best and consider the most satisfying and interesting and fun to think about. And honestly that’s partly because I love dramatic irony and have a real thing for characters who lie to themselves, so I’m biased in favour of it too. Nothing about Griffith being good at denial contradicts the idea that he could still be aware of an attraction to Guts (in that case he’d probably just write it off as irrelevant and deny the associated internalized-homophobia-related self-loathing lol until it all pours out while he’s projecting at the King), and he could eg be aware that he irrationally cares about Guts above and beyond anyone else and just doesn’t even try to reconcile that with his dream, ie compartmentalization in another way.

But I think the idea that he only fully admits it to himself in the torture chamber is just very narratively satisfying.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt.3

Ok, full disclosure: I should not be doing this right now. But I've been thinking about it since yesterday and, well, I reckon I can go over 1x4 and 5, and then move on to my actual work. So here we are. I'm really, really excited for these two, so without further ado, I'll dive right into:

1x4: It's hard to believe that I couldn't see... the majority of what happens in this episode when I first watched it

Why is Nini such a pro at making a scene with whoever her current boyfriend is in the middle of a public place? I mean, I get it that she's upset about EJ going through her phone — who wouldn't be — but maybe - and this is just a friendly suggestion — she could try and discuss that in private, not start a shouting match within view of all their classmates. Just saying.

'Ricky would never steal my phone' — well, perhaps not, but he's not quite above deleting stuff from it, either... I wonder if whoever is writing this show knows that there are many other ways to make a relationship unhealthy... it's not funny anymore. Just repetitive.

Ahhh Natalie and her emotional support hamster! At least there's one good thing about this scene.

Sure, Ricky, blame Big Red for the fact that you misplace your stuff... a very nice best friend he's got, indeed.

Gosh, everything is so awkward and there is just so much tension all over the place — Ricky's parents, then EJ and Nini, and then Carlos just being oblivious to the fact that they just broke up... you know, that last part just made me laugh. And then Ricky's reaction to his parents legally separating just broke my heart. That boy's been through too much.

Big Red being completely clueless about theatre terms is super funny and endearing, but let me just put myself in his shoes for a sec. He's followed his best friend into a badly thought-out scheme to get back together with his ex, got dragged into joining the crew, and is now expected to know what everything is. I would not put up with that... ok, who are we kidding, I'm a massive pushover and would put up with anything, but my point is... he shouldn't have to. At least people are doing the bare minimum to help him learn and nobody's laughed at him for not knowing. That's the good thing about this crew.

Ok, so I have posted about my thoughts of their take on What I've Been Looking For before, back when the episode was brand new, so I won't go into detail about that. In short, I think they've got the arrangement all wrong considering that it is a plot point in the original movie, but... the execution is funny. The scene is about Nini and EJ's post-breakup tension and it shows. I just kind of wish now Miss Jenn had pulled Nini out and put Gina in, even just for this rehearsal — and I might or might not be saying this as a Portwell shipper.

Miss Jenn is done with the students' personal drama and honestly, I'm right behind her. These kids are being completely unprofessional — and well, I realise that we can't expect them to be professional at this stage, but... they could at least try to concentrate on rehearsal and not their personal lives for a second.

Ricky hugging a cushion is my spirit animal. That's it, that's the comment.

Ahhh the tension between EJ and Gina though... 'around here seniors don't follow sophomores' — well, we'll see how it goes, Mr. Senior.

What gives Nini the right to shout at strangers about their relationship? I am honestly so frustrated with her these days. Wonder why I never was during season 1. The reasons are all there.

'He loves you' — yeah, like a little sister, he does. Also, Ash is so precious, always trying to see the good in other people. EJ 1.0 is so lucky he had her as an example.

Ok, I'm not going to go into what an amazing best friend Big Red is because we all know that (plus I'm saving it for a certain scene in 1x5), but this must be so hard for him. I mean, he's trying his absolute best to help Ricky feel better and distract him from his problems, and Ricky is turning everything down. I mean, I guess I understand where he's coming from too, but I'm unable to look at things through the lead-centric lens alone anymore. I'm more aware of non-lead characters now (some more so than others) and this is putting a whole new spin on my perception of everything that happens.

I've got no idea how Big Red can sleep with all this noise, though. I could never. But to each their own.

'perfect on paper' — that's EJ 1.0 to a T. I've got to give Nini that.

Ricky wearing the pride t-shirt... we love to see it.

See, this is why I keep forgetting why I ever shipped Rini and then remembering again... their chemistry is just so on-again-off-again, and here it's definitely present, but I just need a couple with consistent chemistry, you know. Hey, isn't that kind of what All I Want is about? Kind of. I don't know. I've been unable to listen to that song ever since it got big irl. I have this... problem with media that becomes popular and mainstream... I mean, I never hold a grudge against things just for being popular, but I just... relate to underrated stuff much easier. Not because it's underrated, but it just so happens that nearly everything I like and relate to is underrated in some capacity. Even HSMTMTS itself — it's practically unheard of here in Bulgaria, so I would not have found it if I hadn't been looking for it specifically. Ok, this comment got derailed several times. I guess I'll just stop here and move right on to 1x5 at this point.

1x5: A bedazzled tablecloth, a perfectly balanced unicycle and bad reception at the barn... not the perfect ingredients, but they can still... Work This Out

'Miss Jenn says that's a life in the arts... well, that and almost constant unemployment' — alright, I know this line is not supposed to be funny, and that it's a painful reality for a lot of people, but... maybe it's the delivery. I just laugh every time.

See, this is what I mean when I say I want to see consistent chemistry — Seblos have it. I mean, I really don't want to jinx things, but... they do.

Big Red seems to be in a more... outspoken mood today, I guess you could say. Too bad Ricky is still shutting everything he says down. Seriously, Big Red and Seb should start a club for people who try their best to be there for their loved ones and still keep being shushed.

I might be super frustrated with nearly everything Nini says and does (can somebody please tell me why that is?), but... flushing her dress down the toilet? Major mood.

Listen, I love Miss Jenn and that she's close to her students, but... emerging from a toilet cubicle and inviting herself to Kourtney and Nini's girls' night was... Will Shuester level of questionable.

Ricky being the mature one about his parents separation is... I mean, it's admirable, but how did he move past the impending depression of last episode and towards being the one who tells his dad to get up and move on? Well, I mean, good for him. But I think the issue is far from buried yet.

'Friend of the year'? Ricky? I don't think so. First of all, if he were, he'd know that Big Red does not have two left feet. Wasn't it you, Ricky, who was stumbling over the steps in HSM a couple of weeks ago? You're one to talk. Plus Big Red's been listening and trying to help while you've just been spouting off about your personal problems for... how long has it been now? I get it, Ricky has issues that he needs to work through, but he's almost legally blind in both eyes when it comes to Big Red.

Ok, but Ricky is the epitome of 'cannot solve his own problems but has a suggestion on how everybody else should solve theirs' in this episode. Maybe take a step back and listen to your own advice?

'My parents think I'm bonding with the livestock' — I've got no idea why I find this line so funny, but I do. And I've got so much love for this entire scene. Carlos' reaction to Seb's response to his invitation is just... the most adorable thing ever! My heart might just burst. Especially given what we're about to go through tomorrow in 2x10... I am. Not. Ready.

The entire karaoke scene just reminds me of... pretty much every extended family reunion on my mum's side. Her cousins love karaoke and are also completely tone-deaf. I love it that they're able to have fun with it, but my ears are still recovering from my great aunt's birthday party two years ago.

'When did you become Nini?' — Why does Mr. Mazzara know so much about his students' dating lives? I mean, Miss Jenn does, too, but he doesn't strike me as someone as invested in them as her. Idk, it just struck me as kind of weird.

'I didn't agree to photos' — please, EJ, I'm sure you'll want memories from your first fake-dating gig with Gina... once you're no longer fake-dating, you know. Boy, these two are going to have stories to tell to their grandchildren.

I've said some stuff about Nini, but... 'a bedazzled tablecloth' is the funniest description I've heard for Gina's homecoming dress.

'Maybe it's not actually about you at all.' Yeah, you tell him, Reddy! Ricky needs to get over himself.

The way Big Red sniffs out the drama, though... I was not-so-randomly reminded of that moment in 2x9 where Seb was like Carlos. and Big Red was like, 'Are you guys fighting?'...

Big Red doing a comedic lip-reading of Gina and EJ's dramatic scene is absolutely hilarious. I might or might not have sold my heart and soul to him after seeing that scene for the first time. But I just remembered how he said earlier that maybe he can't read lips and that just makes this 100% funnier — he was basically like a child who can't read yet making up a story based on the pictures in a book, and I mean it in the best way possible. He's a theatre dark horse, this one, and they should all be intimidated — or inspired, whatever they choose — by his hidden talents. Gosh, I love this guy. But can you blame me?

'You think I'm actually going to confide in you?' — Absolutely. You can't bully someone from your position of authority over them and then act like you're their friend. I do know now that Mr. Mazzara has hidden depths, but he had no right to be as rude to Carlos as he was in 1x3. He was right about one thing, though — Carlos doesn't need a dance partner to dance.

Ricky saying he was going to apologise to Gina and counting that as an apology is giving me major TJ/ Buffy flashbacks. I wonder why that is... * sarcasm *

Nini feeling like a fraud makes me actually sympathise with her for a second. But I feel like Nini's flaw of defining herself through boys and Ricky in particular has been addressed one time too many now, since it was first addressed here in this episode. If they make her and Ricky get back together again in season 2, I will riot. [side note: I feel like the Born to Be Brave scene says a lot about both Rini and Seblos as couples. Nini and Carlos both feel, in the moments leading up to the song, like they are incomplete without their partners. Ricky, too, has built his personality entirely around Nini at that time (and is still not completely over that in s2). And then the song comes in to remind them that they don't need a partner to be happy. I'm just thinking of Big Red's 'perfectly balanced unicycle' comment from the promotional materials, and of how he and Ashlyn, even when they're dating in s2, are never portrayed as being incomplete without each other. I guess there's a reason why they're the Beta Couple of the show — their relationship drama is nearly non-existent, and when it does exist, it's just caused by them caring too much about each other. Every other couple on the show should learn from them.]

Everybody supporting Carlos during the Born to Be Brave number just warms my heart so much... I am actually crying real tears. And then the end, when Seb finally shows up, right in time for the slow dance... I have a lot of feelings about this scene.

Seblos' dialogue here still kind of makes me cringe a little... but like, in a good way.

Yikes... Miss Jenn's getting into trouble... I mean, it was bound to happen sooner or later. But she's lucky she's had enough time with her students for them to love her enough to fight for her. Still, this is a topic for another episode, and so I won't expand on it in this post.

Well, that's it. That was 1x4 and 5. Those were pretty much my favourite episodes when season 1 was airing. And I can definitely see why, even if my views on some things have changed due to stuff that happens later. But, as I constantly say, that's what rewatches are for. In other words, 'once more, with feeling this time' as my choir director used to say.

[arbitrarycategories]

What would Mina and Kiri's kids look like? How much of that is just aesthetic genetic switches being flipped, and how much is quirk related? WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE THAT? IS THAT JUST HOW SOME PEOPLE LOOK AND TOTALLY UNRELATED TO ANYTHING OR WOULD SHE LOOK DIFFERENT WITHOUT A QUIRK?? I have so many questions

Mina is pink because of her quirk!! I can’t remember exactly which chapter it’s in, but she says at some point that her skin is pink because of her acid quirk!! Presumably something is super fucked up with her natural ph balance and she only survives it bc it’s baked into her quirk.

Kirimina kids would be so cute actually hold on oh my god.

I’m going to say that black is dominant over pink so the kids get black hair!! They probably have normal eyes, unless the black sclera are caused by the acid quirk in which case maybe that affects a kid if they get an acidity quirk!!

Because the pink is quirk caused, the kids probably look like kiri but with curly hair!! He can’t help them do it at first but he does his best to learn!! Mina lets him practice with her until he gets the hang of it <3

Off topic hang on

Pale skin, black curly hair, and spikey teeth! Flip a coin for if the kid has horns; if they have two then probably one kid gets them and the other doesn’t. Idk why I think spikey teeth is a dominant trait but I do.

Possible quirks: Hardening, Acid, skin that turns into acid, and (extreme chance, not likely) ability to influence ph of substances

Explanation for that last one: if we look at kiris quirk as the ability to influence certain qualities of his own skin in order to make it hard or soft, and mix it with ashidos ability to determine what ph of acid she produces, we have a quirk that possibly could manipulate the qualities of outside sources of acid, but can only manipulate one quality (as kiri only manipulates the hardness quality of his skin) therefore resulting in a kid who can manipulate ph levels

Anon I have no idea if this is what you wanted but it’s 2am and I had fun with it

[pumpkinpaix]

Hi I don’t know if anyone has asked you this already, but do you find it strange that we are never given either of the Nie brothers’ given names nor Jin ZiXuan’s, when it’s common practice (at least in the show) to address yourself by your given and courtesy names?

Hey there! :D No, no one has asked me this yet, ahaha.

To be honest, I don’t find it strange, but that’s mostly because I think MXTX assigned names as it was convenient/as it suited her. I do think in some cases, you can try to find textual reasons, like limited POV (@hunxi-guilai made a post about how that might explain why Jiang Cheng is disproportionately referred to by birth instead of courtesy name here).

In the case of Jin Zixuan, I think that makes a lot of sense. Since mdzs and cql are largely from Wei Wuxian’s POV, and he clearly already knows Jin Zixuan, there’s no need for him to reintroduce himself, which is usually where we get people mentioning both their names. I don’t have any textual reasoning for the Nie bros’ lack of birth names ahahaha.

I will, however, use this as a springboard to mention a few things I find generally interesting about the way naming conventions appear to vary between sects/interesting points about address in general. There’s like no deep meta here, just like. “I noticed this thing, and I think it’s interesting”. (hope that’s okay /o\)

One: The Jin sect is the only sect that uses generational character markers (Guang, Zi, Ru). Establishing that convention makes Jin Guangyao’s courtesy name a massive slap in the face I think. (a, for giving him the wrong generational marker, which implies that he’s never actually going to be recognized as a son/that jgs really just didn’t care to even get it right, and b, for reusing his birth character instead of bothering to give him something new–every other character who has a birth and courtesy name gets two entirely unique names, but not jgy.) It’s a cool way of implying certain things about his status, how his father regards him without stating it outright, how others might see him because of that etc.

Two: The Wen sect appears to almost exclusively use birth name–in fact, the only two characters from the Wen sect revealed to have courtesy names are Wen Ning (Wen Qionglin) and…. Wen Ruohan. Well, and Wen Zhuliu, but he was originally Zhao Zhuliu, so idk if that really counts, since his courtesy name predates his induction into the Wen sect. Wen Qing, Wen Chao, and Wen Xu are referred to by birth name only by both themselves and everyone around them for the entirety of the story, which seems rather strange, given that all of them are high-ranking members of the family (Wen Xu is the heir??). Sizhui is not given a courtesy name by his birth family, but by Lan Wangji.

(an aside, it’s been mentioned before by others, but historically, courtesy names were bestowed upon adulthood; however, in CQL, we see Wei Wuxian picking out Jin Ling’s courtesy name before he’s born. it’s possible this is a practice that differs from sect to sect, but again, very little to no textual support for that speculation ahahaha)

Wen Ning’s courtesy name is used only once by Wei Wuxian in a moment of extreme distress at the Guanyin temple. It reads, to me, like switching registers to indicate the high emotional levels of the situation rather than anything about respect/social relations, in the same way that like, lwj switching between “wei ying/wei wuxian” can indicate moments where emotions are running high. I hc that the intimacy/distance of birth/courtesy names are switched in the case of Wen Ning/Wen Qionglin (ie, only people who are intimate with him would be expected use Qionglin) but that has absolutely zero basis in any fact, cultural convention, or textual evidence. I just like it because it warms my heart. feel free to roast me for it, i can accept that criticism.

Three: Both the Lan sect and the Nie sect address by courtesy name, even within their own family. (Lan Qiren calls his nephews “Wangji” and “Xichen”. Sizhui and Jingyi call each other by courtesy name. Nie Mingjue calls his brother “Huaisang”.) Why? we don’t know! We could maybe try and meta about it in the case of the Lan sect, I think (they’re more formal in general etc.), but we have so little knowledge of the Nie sect that I think it’s functionally pointless to try and dig there. I feel like trying to come up with any plausibly supported reason is going to be a stretch.

Four: A’Cheng vs A’Xian. Jiang Yanli uses Jiang Cheng’s birth name to form his diminutive, but uses Wei Wuxian’s courtesy name to form his. I’ve seen people ask why she doesn’t call him A’Ying, which would be more consistent, but I hc that this is because “Wuxian” was given by her father, so her using “A’Xian” is meant to strengthen that familial tie. “Ying” is from before he was part of their family. “Wuxian” is something given to him by the Jiang family, so using it, I think, is a subtle way of emphasizing how much she really considers him to be her brother. (If you’re curious, in the flashback when he first arrives at Lotus Pier, the audio drama has her calling for him as “A’Ying”.)

Five: Yu-fu’ren. I mentioned this on an addition to another post a while ago, but I’ll copy the relevant passage from chapter 51 here again:

虞夫人就是江澄的母亲，虞紫鸢。当然，也是江枫眠的夫人，当初还曾是他的同修。照理说，应该叫她江夫人，可不知道为什么，所有人一直都是叫她虞夫人。有人猜是不是虞夫人性格强势，不喜冠夫姓。对此，夫妇二人也并无异议。

Yu-fu’ren was Jiang Cheng’s mother, Yu Ziyuan. Of course, she was also Jiang Fengmian’s wife [fu’ren], and once cultivated with him as well. By all reason, she should be called Jiang-fu’ren, but for some unknown reason, everyone had always called her Yu-fu’ren. Some guessed that perhaps because Yu-fu’ren had a forceful temperament, she disliked taking her husband’s name. Neither husband nor wife raised any objections to this.

I think this is actually a pretty interesting microcosm of the themes of mdzs. We don’t actually know why Yu Ziyuan is called Yu-fu’ren; we’re given the equivalent of a rundown on local gossip and that’s it. I feel like it embodies a little bit of the “what people say about you becomes the truth and then influences your fate” theme that runs through mdzs. Did Yu Ziyuan WANT to be called Yu-fu’ren? Did she request it? Is her husband actually fine with it? The audience doesn’t get any of their internal landscape and is instead given a leading interpretation of the situation. How is our opinion of her then influenced?

To be clear, I don’t necessarily think that was necessarily the intention of this passage (maybe it was! or maybe mxtx just wanted to call her yu-fu’ren and realized she had to come up with some justification for it. i really couldn’t tell you); I just think that regardless of intention, its existence in relation to the larger themes of the novel can present a cool juxtaposition, if you dig a little bit.

Six: Song Lan, a respected cultivator, is more often referred to by his birth name, including people who are not intimate with him (normally, this would be rude), while Xiao Xingchen (who is intimate with him) calls him by courtesy name. Why?? We also don’t know. Does this lend support to my earlier headcanon about Wen Ning/Qionglin having a reversed intimacy/distance implication?? not… not really, but I like to think it at least kind of shows a precedent….. orz.

Seven: I find Xue Yang’s courtesy name, Xue Chengmei (成美), really fun ahaha. It comes from the phrase, 君子成人之美, an idiom that essentially means, “a gentleman always helps others attain their wishes”. Jin Guangyao gave it to him (not sure if this is canonical or extracanonical–i heard about it in an audio drama extra, much like how i get all my information orz) which I think is greatly amusing for obvious reasons.

Eight: Lan Wangji actually changes Sizhui’s birth name, even though you wouldn’t be able to tell just from hearing it. His original birth name is 苑, an imperial garden, but Lan Wangji changes it to 愿, as in wish (愿望) and to be willing (愿意), among other very beautiful sentiments. partially im sure to protect his identity, but also because. you know.

Basically all this is just to say, I think the naming/address conventions in mdzs are pretty weakly conceived, but you can find interesting things in them if you go looking! and we all know i love to go looking /o\

[kaiserin-astraia]

NieR's Project Gestalt

So after several nights losing sleep over this, I decided to write down my biggest issue with the NieR series: project gestalt. It’s pretty unanimously agreed by fans that project gestalt was probably the worst plan in the history of plans, executed in the laziest way possible. And yet, I couldn't help but obsess over how project gestalt could have been salvaged, even after the events of ending E of nier replicant.

This is the part where I say: I’m going to spoiling the hell out of NieR: Replicant and in some capacity NieR: Automata. If you don’t want to be spoiled, then get out now — that being said, if you’re sticking around anyway, I’ll be attempting to give summaries and explanations to concepts in the games that are relevant, so that we are all on the same page. also also I only know the high level details of the Drakengard series & won't be touching on it much.

So. What the hell was project gestalt?

Project gestalt was the terrible and last ditch effort to save humanity from a widespread pandemic called white chlorination syndrome, or WCS. WCS was caused by a literal inter dimensional fight between a red dragon and demon baby thing that resulted in the death of both and the deterioration of their corpses causing salt (also called Maso particles) to fall from the sky. If you got infected, the Cult of the Watchers gave you the choice of losing your free will and fighting for them as a soldier in the Legion, or turning into a pile of salt and dying. BrandonSP has a wonderful video talking about the Legion and the Nier universe leading up to the events of Nier: Replicant that I’ll link if you want to know more about this history (here), but all you need to know is: humanity is on the brink of extinction and the planet is no longer inhabitable in its current state.

Project Gestalt discovered that the way humans could escape extinction is by separating their souls from their bodies — the soul having no physical form is immortal & immune to maso, while the body without a soul can't become infected, because there’s no consciousness to force into a demon deal, I guess. You know, I realized while writing this that it’s not clear why separating soul from body actually worked to prevent WCS, but whatever it worked because Yoko Taro Said So.

However, separating body from soul was no easy task; upon doing so, most people’s souls would instantly go berserk, turning into mindless violent entities. The first success was the playable character of Nier: Replicant, who I’m going to call Nier. Upon this first success, the governments of the world convinced / coerced him into cooperating with the Project, and he became the cornerstone for all the “gestalts” aka the souls separated from their bodies.

Just to keep everyone up to pace, gestalts are the souls separated from their bodies, otherwise known as “shades” in Nier: Replicant.

So Project Gestalt’s planned chain of events was as followed:

1. All remaining humans would undergo gestalt-ing 2. The resulting replicants (aka, the soulless bodies) and androids would fight and defeat the legion & clean up the planet so that it was habitable again … which meant containing or eradicating the leftover maso covering the planet. 3. Once ready for rehabilitation, Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Nior would merge into each other, causing all gestalt souls to snap into their respective replicants starting with Nier 4. Profit. Seems a simple plan, right? Well, not even a single step of that plan worked. By the end of Nier: Replicant ending E, Nier’s Gestalt, aka the shadow lord, has been killed by his own replicant; the replicants have gained sentience and I would argue their own souls, and many gestalts have relapsed into becoming violent, nonsensical entities. The insta-snap grimoires are dead, too, and-- Oh there’s the tiny issue that when a gestalt relapses, their corresponding replicant gets something called the “black scrawl”, a painful and terminal disease. Once a gestalt relapses or dies, their replicant can’t be recreated (well... mostly) and because the original gestalt, the shadow lord, is dead, all the other gestalts are doomed to eventually relapse or die as well, and thus humanity goes extinct. This is where I call bullshit. There’s little known about the time period between Nier: Replicant and Nier: Automata— especially the time of the gestalt and replicants decline. The game(s) leads you to believe that nothing can be done because the soul snapping Grimoires are dead and so is the original gestalt. However, there is tons of evidence in the game itself that implies it’s not so simple, and truly the true tragedy is that simply, everyone gave up — or more likely, Yoko Taro didn’t want us to think this hard, lol. Well TOO BAD, I can’t stop thinking about it so finally let’s actually talk about how to save humanity. First of all, I read on Reddit how it seems to be that the androids Devola and Popula are only two units, and with their demise in Nier: Replicant that project gestalt is doomed to failure. However, Nier: Automata clearly talks about how there were several Devola and Popula model pairs in different cities/continents. There’s no way that only our Devola and Popula in Nier: Replicant knew how to merge a gestalt with its replicant; such vital information would be stored in every android related to the project, and these models were quite literally created to oversee it. So. Idk why the hell the project was allowed to even get so disorganized, but regardless, after the the Shadow Lord and grimoires die, the remaining Devola and Popula units should have immediately made a plan B. There were several big issues with the state of the world before, so we’ll tackle them one by one for the biggest chance of success. 1. All relapsed gestalts need to be eradicated or contained. Their violence has lead replicants to attack them back and view them as monsters, leading to meaningless conflict. If the Devola and Popula units are programmed not to harm the gestalts because they are the 'true humans', they need to make new units ala A2 or 2B to take care of it. Because we know that android technology is already there, evidenced by the Memory Tree, and Devola and Popula, it follows this is definitely possible.

2. There should be three divisions of research made as follows:

2.1 Research into the effects of mismatched replicants merged with gestalts, like Kaine. Because the clock is ticking, there’s unfortunately no time to gawk at morals. Taking volunteers, even 1 success could be the difference between extinction or survival.

2.2 Creating and housing “iced” or “stasis” gestalts, while replicant bodies are “grown” for them. Because replicants have formed their own identities, they should try to create/raise replicants completely asleep/comatose. If not this, research into putting gestalts into their proper replicants at infant stage can be tried. (Note: replicants were infertile, hence why replicants had to be made, not born of sexual reproduction. Yoko Taro said that replicants couldn’t reproduce because they didn’t have their souls, however I think this was just a comment said to cover a plot hole.)

2.3 Research into whether replicants truly have souls or not, and whether something can be done to allow them to reproduce. Regarding the soul issue, it’s heavily implied that the Memory Tree, having absorbed the memories of so many replicants, began growing a soul of its own (that Nier killed, thinking it was a shade, oops). Now, how is that possible? It shouldn’t be, unless the replicants had made their own or unless a soul being created was possible. If we want to get fancy, a fourth division could be organized to study Emil and the weapons project that experimented on him, with an emphasis on how to either reverse the effects or if any information can be gleaned from them regarding the soul.

2.4 Black scrawl 2 electric boogaloo: it’s said in the project gestalt files that they couldn’t find a cure or reason for this phenomenon, but if we’re trying to cover our bases, another research division should be created to investigate and attempt to cure it. It seems to be a magical malady, so I wonder if Emil would be able to help... or even Kaine.

3. (Moving along...) More androids should be created to build cities / homes / areas of civilization for the newly reformed humans to re-habitat. This is said to be a goal of the androids in Nier: Automata, and they were doing a piss poor job — maybe if they got started earlier they’d have a better shot. The replicants were/are already living in medieval levels of squalor and poverty, which is ridiculous considering the android's technology is so advanced.

4. No more lies: though in my plan, replicants shouldn’t have to be created except to be possessed, but if they are created and allowed to mature into a sentient age, replicants should be educated and informed about the truth of their existence — this is for many reasons. First, that way replicants will be less likely to fear and attack shades they see; two, worst comes to worst, they may be more willing to share their bodies with their gestalts and who knows? Maybe they’d merge naturally. Three, no replicant would be allowed to get strong enough to defeat an android (or two -- seriously, what were the twins thinking letting Nier get so powerful?).

Hopefully this makes it very obvious that the death of humanity was entirely the fault of Project Gestalt itself and the androids meant to oversee it -- at least the androids have the excuse of being programmed to act a certain way, but still. It's so frustrating that we just have to accept that humanity was doomed even though, by its own lore, there was a lot that could have been done to attempt to save humans. Like, I love you, Yoko Taro, but gees.

anyway if you've read all this I'm so sorry but also I'm REALLY interested to hear what y'all think about the Nier universe and it's facets. idek why I've got such deep brainworms but here we are.

P.S. As of writing this, I've played some Nier: Reincarnation and it just further implies that the way they created and treated replicants was both A) awful, holy shit, it's so bad, and B) ill-advised on every level. I don't want to spoil but good lord. Honestly, I think at this point YT just wants to express/nail home that humanity was doomed to fail because of its own cruelty and flaws. ok ill shut up now bye love u

[moonlitberrry]

white paws

➀ ᴀ/ɴ: here have a cat shua bullet point imagines since i'm craving some at the moment. don't ask why, i needed a break through from my responsibilities every once in a while. here ya, go!

➁ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: cat! hong jisoo/joshua x reader

➂ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: fluff, angst, hybrid au

➃ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: mentions of death, abuse, inequality

he's a cute white cat you took care of recently

feels like some kind of angel cat brought down from the sky and you don't know how

a little sweetie who just wants all of you affection and food

or he goes sassy if he doesn't get some of it

the both of you love each other with all of your heart

ok i'll be honest with this au, but you don't really know he's a cat hybrid who can morph into a human as he pleases

he only becomes a cat when you're around but when you're out of the house he becomes a human but with cat ears and a tail

he refuses to let you into his life as a hybrid. he can't endanger his owner

(yes owner i'm trying to progress your relationship with him you see)

as much as he loves you, he hates seeing you in danger all because of him. his kind are known to be experimented from underground facilities, in other words they aren't wanted in society in general

all he can do is to play cat owner for a few more months until one day

you figured it out

he forgot to morph back into a cat when you came home one day

he never expected you to come home so early yet you did

eventually you find this handsome stranger wearing a white hoodie and jeans inside your house, sleeping on the couch just sleeping peacefully and you're just

why is he here

how did he get here

i should call the cops because wth

is he a robber?

yet he's so cute though

what's weird is, you see his tail and ears twitch around so it made you think

is this?

your

joshushu?

your cat joshua?

how to access such information? you're not sure either tbh

you waited until he woke up and he's just,

"oh hey, (y/n) you're awake,,,,,, OMG WAIT WAIT I CAN EXPLAIN I-"

instead of explaining he morphed into a feline and made a bee line into one corner so you couldn't reach him

and you're just

"Joshua, please come back :< I won't hurt you..."

he's not scared of you, he's scared of ruining your relationship because he feels like he got you in danger because of him

but you're not planning to let that go through

so instead of cowering around he let himself come out of the corner and morph back into his cat hybrid human form

but damn he's so tall yet so cute

you just couldn't resist

it almost feels like yesterday where you're holding him around your arms while you walk around your house

watching movies on the couch, reading a book while he lays around your lap or listening to you rant

you felt sorry thinking he might be bored around the house just staying here with you but it doesn't phase him at all

jisoo/joshua is a simple man enjoying simple activities such as these

you eventually learned all about him but not too much information was shared for one day because-

you were taking care of a hybrid for how many months and that's just pretty much a lot to take in and keep everything a secret from

so the both of you chose to keep it slow and simple while learning about each other

you learned his actual name is jisoo but he still kept the name you gave him which is joshua

tbh, everything is still normal except the fact that you can talk to joshua more freely while using his cat hybrid human form

(idk what to call it ok?)

he can morph into a full human but it takes a lot of his energy to do so

you brought him to places and showed him a bunch of what human life is like behind all the cruelty its under

it made him happy that you did so for him

a lot of people mistook joshua as your boyfriend

well you can't tell them that he's a hybrid cat that's your secret with joshua

you tried telling them that he's just your roommate but they just can't accept this at all

you kept refusing even if you want that to happen

you can never know what joshua felt since all he's been doing from your perspective is all friendship related actions

joshua as your boyfriend seems like the least of what you might expect for your relationship to actually level up

unexpectedly, one night he was being taken away from the same laboratory that used to experiment on him

what feared him once came back to his senses and now he got you in danger as well

he was lab no. 3 in their list who escaped 2 years ago

while joshua was fighting back you were held behind by one of the guards from the laboratory, screaming and shouting for them to stop

you weren't sure on how did they found out where he lived

eventually joshua was taken away and you were gagged by the cloth that they've given you with a certain drug that made you doze off

the moment you woke up you were on the floor with a headache

you scrambled out and around in search of a clue that can lead you to joshua and where he's been lead

you found a note

but it's not a note from the researchers, it was from joshua

so you opened the letter in a flash, hoping it would lead you to where he's located

Dear (Y/N),

i'm not sure if you will be able to read this but I love everything that you've done for me (even if i'm just a cat). i don't want you to be placed in harms way so i decided to keep myself hidden from you, there are people after me and i can't allow them to hurt you so i did what i had to do in order to protect you. always know that you're a really smart, friendly and kind person who can do anything and everything. i believe in you. i've heard that we were being mistaken as a couple last time and wish we could do that but i didn't know how to ask you about it, until then... i love you. ♡ - jisoo, your cat (sorry if my hand writing isn't that legible enough ;;)

"jisoo,,,"

there you were on your knees

he didn't want to hint where the laboratory was

maybe it was his way of protecting you somehow? he didn't want you to follow him just in case it happens?

his fate remained unknown to you at the moment

for weeks you kept your cat door open hoping he'd come back

you weren't sure on how to ask people about this, finding a missing cat hybrid but it's all too late

it's been a month now and he never returned

people have been asking questions about his disappearance and honestly you didn't know what to respond either

in this society, hybrids are considered to have low ranks, killed even as an act of dislike towards their kind

an act of kindness shown towards them will be executed by the government

you hoped that maybe at this point forward, he'll be safe wherever he is at the moment

« back to seventeen masterlist

« back to shua masterlist

[c-c-cherry]

Mista Whump headcanons? I loved his chapter in the dadbacchio fic!

Hi! I’m glad you’re liking Communication Breakdown so far, the new chapter should be out once I’m done with my Halloween stuff! <3

//content warning for whump-related shit (sickness, major injury, etc..)

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I feel like I should just shove in my pre-established headcanons that I always have for Mista before I start like what I did for my man Jonathan:

-Oldest in the family and (ironically) has four younger sisters! 

-His parents worked a LOT growing up so he was often treated as the third parent growing up, doing almost everything for them in search of their approval

-It made him very responsible, but it also made him feel like he had to be responsible for everything and everyone

-That mindset followed him to where he is now; no matter how relaxed he seems to be, there’s always a feeling in the back of his head that he has to manage everything and be responsible for everyone’s safety and health

-Loves physical affection but would rather die than be an “active burden” on anyone

-Not in any form of contact with his family since he went to prison (and misses them a lot) ;(

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Pain Tolerance

-Getting shot? Been there, done that. Kidnapped and interrogated? He can hold off for a surprisingly long amount of time. Drugged? Barely even phases him.

-We all know he probably has the highest pain tolerance in the entire team

-Partially because it seems like he always gets hurt no matter what he’s doing

-I headcanon him as the oldest in his family so he was always brought up to have really thick skin and was always thought to be the most responsible growing up

-His parents were working all the time, so that meant he had to take care of his siblings whenever they were hurt

-But meant when he was injured as a kid, he had to deal with it himself :/

-When he first joined the gang, it was:

1) weird not being the oldest, and

2) really weird having people actually worried about you when you got hurt

-Even with Giorno having Gold to help them out all the time and Giorno insisting that its literally his stand’s purpose, he still feels this weighted guilt every time he needs someone else’s help

-Our man acts all whiny about it but truthfully, if he was given the option, he would much rather ride it out on his own or deal with things himself :(

Injury

-In all honesty, he’s probably one of the only members of the team that wouldn’t be opposed to going to a hospital

-Whereas Bruno or Narancia would be fucking terrified of stepping foot in one again for obvious reasons, the rest of the gang are just pretty stubborn about it

...

-He tends to be overdramatic most of the time when he gets hurt, but you can tell when something is really hurting him when he’s absolutely silent

-It’s almost the opposite of his other team members; most of them get uncharacteristically loud and panicky when they’re in serious serious pain but it's almost like his brain just completely shuts down

-He gets so quiet that he’s basically unresponsive and his body keeps trying to numb itself as the pain gets worse and worse

-It always bites him in the ass later when his state starts wearing off and all the pain his body was blocking out comes back tenfold and it's just OUCH

...

-Mista’s a pretty touchy guy. He practically lives off human contact

-Except when he’s hurt.

-His body kicks into this weird overdrive where he wants no one to touch him and he’s just supposed to deal with it himself

-Idk how accurate this actually is in canon but I headcanon that Gold Experience’s healing methods don’t actually hurt that much, it's actually pretty soothing for most people

-The reason Mista always freaks out whenever Gold is healing him is because of his weird defense mechanism that kicks in when he’s hurt

Sickness

-His chapter in Comm Break was pretty much just a sickfic because I decided to give him appendicitis, but I have other headcanons hehehe…

-I was actually going to make him lactose intolerant in the first draft and the chapter being about him having no fucking idea why he was sick and Abbacchio just being like “...dude...”

-I eventually dropped it for something with similar elements but more of a dramatic plot, but I still like the headcanon that he’s too dumb to know that getting sick all the time after eating dairy just isn’t normal

...

-He loves taking care of other people because it reminds him of taking care of his sisters; like he’ll be willing to do anything and he’s a master at making people feel better :)

-But him?

-Oho,,,he fuckin hates being sick >:)

-Maybe not Giorno in The Unknown levels of hatred, but the fact that everyone does nothing but makes sure he’s okay the entire day gives him this warm, fluffy feeling in his chest that MAKES HIM EMOTIONALLY CONFUSED because no one ever gave a shit about him pre-passione

-Is he the type of person to completely deny any feeling of ailment until it’s definitely too late? YES. DEFINITELY.

-Usually it's one of the bucci gang who will figure out he’s under the weather before he does.

“You’re looking a bit pale...”

“Nope.”

“Are you feeling alright? You don’t look so good.”

“Totally fine!”

-He’ll refuse to rest until he passes out, is pressed up against the tiles on the bathroom floor, or someone (usually Bruno) shoves a thermometer in his mouth and proves that he absolutely HAS to

-Give him some medicine and he’ll pass out for HOURS. All he’ll do is sleep because he wants to get over it as soon as possible

Emotional Stress

-Mista’s like an open book when it comes to most emotions

-You might not know when he’s hurt, but you’ll sure as well know when he’s sad or stressed

-He’s not afraid to cry, and even though he probably won’t tell anyone why he’s sad, bottling up his emotions was just something that he was never prone to doing

-Bruno’s gotten used to finding him in the kitchen at 3am waiting for his bread to toast and there’s just tears and Bruno’s like “...Meesta ;-;”

-but then there’s hugs so it's ok :,)

-Also Mista is definitely the type of person to just kind of slink into a room and have someone be like “what’s up?” and he’s like “I’m feeling fucking terrible!! :))))” and before they can even reply BOOM WATERWORKS-

-He’s ultimately not ashamed of it because it helps keep him regulated in the long run (and the homies are always willing to provide him with that good comfort) :)

This sad shit is the exception though…

-When he’s with the bucci gang, he’s not afraid to let his emotions run wild sometimes because he knows it’s always little things to keep him chill

-Not about this, though. Because he actually considers this big

...

-Mista has eternal homesickness for his family.

-His parents, his sisters, his uncles and aunts and cousins.. they all cut contact when he went to prison

-It wasn’t a huge fight, but a slow burn of distancing from each other.

-He misses them so damn much. He misses his childhood home, and the way his Madre would cook, and the stupid shit his sisters used to do...

-It comes and goes in waves; most days the feelings don’t hit him but sometimes, especially on holidays, birthdays of his family members, and even his own birthday, it hits hard.

-Normally when something’s bothering him he doesn’t see a problem in just talking or venting to someone

-But with this it's different because he knows if he starts talking about it, it’ll just be uncontrollable and he’ll be a fucking mess if he even tries

-Mista, despite his demeanour, is extremely good at hiding his feelings when he has to ;-;

-He’s too embarrassed to tell anyone, so he spends a lot of those days curled up in his room, sobbing into his pillow

-Even on holidays, when it’s hard to celebrate at all, he manages to hold it in until celebrating is over

-He knows they all suspect something is up, but he also knows that they won’t push him to say anything

-They can all tell he gets fragile certain times of the year, so they try their best to be extra soft with him when he does decide to come out and spend time with them <3

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I really do love writing for Mista. I should do it more sometimes!!

Got a headcanon you want fulfilled? Askbox is open!! <3

[flowerslightning]

(Part 2) Cloud Strife and his Mental Illness

a.k.a Psychiatric Disorder

| 1. Memory | ⇦ Click if u havent read it yet

2. Hallucinations, Illusions and Delusions

Since these three things relate well with Cloud's troubled memories, I'll be talking about them first before jumping to his Confused Personality

This post will bore u a bit or maybe a lot 😂 it depends. If ure interested with psychiatric stuff, u'll find this enjoyable as much as i do

Disclaimer : I'm 21 and still a tiny meany student. During my intern at Psychiatric Department, I learned and witnessed psychiatric problems from real life patients. And since Cloud (my fav FF character) has psychiatric issues, I'll be sharing some of my knowledge and interpretation of Cloud's character. Im not diagnosing him, rather i'm giving my own opinion about his status

@nibelheiim created a post about dissociation, she explained about hallucination, PTSD and more. Come and check her out! Her words were more direct and easier to understand. She explained about Psychological matter and she's a real psychology student too!

While my explanation will be more focusing on Psychiatric Topic and words used will be more complicated (with grammar errors). My facts will be based on ICD 10 and DSM-IV

A lot of people were confused with these three terms - Hallucination Illusion Delusion - These terms associated with abnormalities of perception. It is important to understand that this abnormality holds two keys; ● 1. Perception is the process of becoming aware of what is presented through the sense organs. ● 2. Imagery is an experience originating within the mind that usually lacks the sense of reality that is part of perception.

Abnormalities of perceptions have 4 theme, but I'll be focusing on two major types that relate with Cloud: (i) Hallucinations ; (ii) Illusions. Some cases, perception can be normal in intensity and quality but has a changed meaning for the person who experiences it - it is called as Delusional Perception. It is not an abnormal of perceptions, rather it is a disorder of a person's thinking.

Try guessing, how many from these terms does Cloud has?

1. Hallucinations

- A perception experienced in the absence of external stimulus to the corresponding sense organ. Eg - patient hears a voice when no one is speaking within a hearing distance or patient sees something approaching him when visually no one is there. There are 2 qualities to determine a hallucination: ●it is experienced as a true perception●it seems to come from outside of the head●

The above gif, where Sephiroth suddenly appear again before Cloud's eyes even able to touch Aerith's shoulder, it illustrate perfectly the 'Visual Hallucination'. No one can see Sephiroth, other than Cloud himself.

Cloud [Remake] kinda had anxiety when he stared at the fire and later he saw Sephiroth surrounded with flames, then poof, that silver guy disappeared along with the images of fire. He said he was hallucinating stuff after the first bombing mission. Idk how Sephiroth could create fake images of fire around him, either Cloud was really hallucinating or it was really Sephiroth that came to see him. But, this is what we call as 'Visual and Auditory Hallucinations'. Cloud SAW Sephiroth and HEARD him talking when no one else did. I can also add in 'Tactile Hallucination' because he probably felt the burning sensation on his skin from the flame around him that caused him to feel hot and sweating, or probably it was his anxiety that caused him sweating upon meeting Sephiroth with the flashback of his burning hometown

Hallucinations can occur in all sensory modalities; visual, olfactory, auditory etc. In the Remake, the Whispers could only be seen by certain people. To those who couldnt see it, they would be puzzled what was happening to u, and would've thought that u were hallucinating something, like in the case of Aerith.

In Cloud's case, perhaps Cloud [In OG] had auditory hallucination due to his severe case of Mako Addiction. But then, that wasnt exactly a hallucination though, cuz the thing he said "'Coming.. They're coming" was actually true. A monster fell from the sky.

Other 'hallucinations' that Cloud had was the images of Sephiroth that appeared in certain headache. Cloud may claimed it was his hallucinations, but i've read it somewhere that says it was really Sephiroth appeared before his eyes. Sephiroth was messing with Cloud's mind, trying to break his mental in order to control him. However, IF IT WASNT SEPHIROTH that came, Cloud's 'hallucination' would be known as a mental disorder that may lead to severe case - eg Schizophrenia.

2. Illusions

An illusion is a misperception of an external stimulus. It often occur in several circumstances: (i)level of sensory stimulation reduced (ii)attention is not focused on the sensory modality (iii)level of consciousness reduced (iv)being in a state of intense emotion- fear.

Does Cloud has it? Urm, maybe? Well, it can be proven when he saw his 'noisy neighbour next door' as Sephiroth. As stated above, illusions occur in 4 conditions, and Cloud was in number (i) and (iv). When Tifa yelled him to stop, Cloud came back to reality and got really confused when the 'Sephiroth' that attacked him was actually a sick guy. We can also add in 'Hallucinations of Deep sensation' in this scenario bcause Cloud experienced the feelings of being pushed down by 'Sephiroth'.

However, we all know that 'Sephiroth' was real at that moment. For Cloud, he thought it was an illusion, but for us the audience, it was a real thing.

If u want a better explanation and example, try watching Joker the movie. The main theme of the movie was 'mental illness'. There are lots of scenes that shows different type of hallucinations, illusions and also personality disorder.

3. Delusions

a.k.a fixed false belief. A belief that is held firmly despite evidence contrary. A delusion is nearly always a false belief but not always so. There are around 11 types of delusions according to the book. Half of it may suggest Shcizophrenia. Schizophrenia is certainly not in Cloud's case. I've studied one by one the type of delusions and none of them match with Cloud FF7.

I will surely give anyone a good punch in the face if they dare to say Cloud suffers from Schizophrenia. I've met with bunch of patients having it, and the way they see this world is totally different from us.

In some other cases, eg a spiritualist convince a person to believe in his spiritualism and he present with contrary evidence to the non-believer. This non-delusional belief is called 'overvalued ideas'

Overvalued ideas is an isolated , preoccupying and strongly held belief that dominates a person's life and may affect his action. One of the easiest example i can come up with; a friend who had skin cancer may be convinced to her roomate that cancer is contagious, and her roomate suspects any abnormal skin conditions she has is an evidence to show she too, may have developed the same cancer, when the truth is, she's just completely fine.

It is very hard to distinguish between a delusion and overvalued ideas.

I had a patient, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He looked like an ordinary man, but when he talked, it sounded so unreal. He said he had jumped off from 10th floor several times and didnt get a scratch from it. He believed he wont die bcause he had gained super power. He even convinced me to try his 'so-called-secret technique- on how to survive a jump. By doing that often, I will have a superpower like him - a strong physical body. Up until now, I still dont know if he was being deluded with his thought or he was overvalued his idea, bcause from his psychiatric record, he did try to jump off from the second floor of his apartment's balcony a few times.

So, Im not really sure of myself did Cloud [FF7] really had delusion or not. Well, he believed he made it to SOLDIER bcause he had mako eyes. But was it something we called as delusion or was he just overvaluing his idea? He didnt know the truth and his memory messed up. No one could explain to him why he had Mako eyes, except Prof Hojo and Zack who knew the truth

Besides, after Tifa helped with his memory, Cloud accepted the fact he wasnt in SOLDIER. For patient who deluded with their own thoughts, they hardly could believe what people told him.

However, surely Cloud [in AC] had delusions of guilt and worthlessness due to the fact that he believed he had done something shameful and sinful - the main trigger of this theme was, he got infected with Geostigma while he was searching a cure for Denzel. Cloud got depressed with the loss of Aerith and the memory of Zack death had returned, but I think he was recovering very well in that two years time skip. The moment he got Geostigma, he became deluded he was worthless and his depression kicked in again.

Hallucinations and Illusions are normal to be experienced by healthy people, but it wont be if u encounter too many hallucinations & illusions in 2 weeks time. Believe it or not, a lot of people around us are actually mentally ill bcause some of them may have excessive certain delusions, such as delusions of jealousy, grandiose delusions, nihilistic, paranoid etc. Although 'it is consider as normal' in a few circumstance, a few cases need to refer to psychologist and in severer cases, must refer to psychiatrist. If u follow Dr Phil's show, u'll see a bunch of patients have different kind of crazy delusions.

Overall from my statement above, I would conclude that since Sephiroth always appear before Cloud's eyes, this resulting Cloud to think he has both Hallucination and Illusion, when in fact, he's just a normal guy with amnesia and personality confusion. Cloud doesnt have Delusion like how many fans said, neither he has an overvalued idea, even with the evidence of Mako eyes supporting his reasoning + he's a great fighter. I will have to say that perhaps it is his brain defence mechanism that tricks his mind to believe he is a Soldier.

If only Sephiroth stop disturbing Cloud's life, it will be a lot faster to fix Cloud. Tifa alone will be the main strength to get Cloud back to normal. Ah, but this is the beauty of the game. Life wont be exciting without the presence of a beautiful villain and a love triangle (Tifa-Cloud-Sephiroth). Lol Technically I see them trying to fight for Cloud's mental health. Tifa wants to help Cloud with his mental status while Sephiroth is trying to destroy it. Lolololol

My crack theory : Sephiroth says he's going to take Cloud's most precious thing, and he ends up choosing to kill Aerith, but ofc there's another reason why Aerith got killed. But if Sephiroth kills Tifa first, I think he can take over Cloud's mind faster, because then, no one will be holding Cloud back. Honestly no one can ever will, not even Aerith. So does that mean Sephiroth doesnt know about Cloud's deepest secret or is Cloud just good at hiding his weakness?

I WILL UPDATE THE NEXT POST LATER because I've reached tumblr limit images agaiiin. The next part will be focusing about his personality - Personality Disorder

If there is any part that I've mistaken, pls correct me. I'm sorry for my english. English is not my native language, so there are plenty of grammar errors.

[whitherliliesbloom]

✿ stories you want to write

Tagged by: @earthlystar, @fistsoflightning, @stars-bleed-hearts-shine​, @windup-dragoon​ THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Tagging: idk, whoever wants to do this lmao. just say I tagged you!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a bundle of unfulfilled ideas / headcanons. I have a lot of stories / AU ideas I want to write.. but either don’t have the time or energy to write them... Or you know, I’m just plain lazy.

I’m also kind of leaning more towards Genshin Impact now than FFXIV oops

1) More time travel AU

I KNOW!! I’m the only one who cares about this au okay but 

TIME TRAVEL STORIES ARE ALWAYS SOME OF MY FAVORITE STORIES??? ADDING TO THAT ANYTHING INVOLVING LIKE.. META COMMENTARY AND POSSIBLE 4TH WALL BREAKING??? STEINS;GATE??? MADOKA MAGICA??? CHARLOTTE??? UNDERTALE??? The ability to stop time and rewind time is just such a COOL ASS concept to me?? I won’t shut up about wanting time mage in ffxiv just so I can OFFICIALLY make her a canon overpowered time and space manipulator. Maybe then, time travel au won’t just be an au anymore.

On top of that I just really like Cronus. The idea of an Illya who is so damaged and broken she becomes an entirely different person. I just don’t really have a set plot planned for this au or have any idea on how to resolve the conflict between Cronus, present timeline Illya and Alphinaud... or if I even wanna give Cronus a happy ending iafnioafas. But whenever there’s an opportunity to talk about time travel au, you bet your gil I will.

2) More Nier Automata AU

I kinda lost steam for this AU really really quickly for some reason but.. I had pretty ambitious plans for the plot of this which I really hope I’ll find the inspiration to write out some day.. because I really don’t like just.. reducing my ideas to simple bullet point headcanons. 

Some brief idea of what I had in mind though:

 bad ending depending on illya’s actions at one of the climatic scenes

different ‘good’ endings depending on her last dialogue choice which would lead to her ending up with different love interests. 

love triangle, of course

side plot for alisaie and ryne involving an escort mission

really really meta writing about the meaning of an android’s life and who 2C feels like she really is

scene of 2C regaining memories of alphinaud’s death and losing her shit

Like I said. I’m a bundle of lots of ideas that are almost always unfulfilled. I still really like this au though and I don’t want it to go to waste...

3) More Modern AU

Oops another AU. At least this one isn’t depressing or something that might give you an existential crisis. I have A LOT of headcanons for modern au ffxiv characters... not to mention different versions of the modern au concept. There’s Youtuber Illya AU, there’s highschool AU, there’s that AU where Illya works at a coffee shop and Alphinaud is a university student. 

I just love how laid back and Slice of Life-y modern au can be and I just... really love the idea of Illya living a normal happy life that doesn’t involve her having to kill gods every other day as much as i do love to torture her, yes. 

Some ideas for modern au fics i had:

Highschool AU Ryne asking her friends to cosplay sailor moon characters for a cosplay convention. Laurelis as Sailor Moon and Haurchefant as Tuxedo Mask. Ryne herself as Sailor Venus. Gaia as Sailor Mars. Illya as Sailor Saturn. 

Youtuber Illya attempting to vlog outside her home for the first time while she’s on a date with Alphinaud because her viewers requested it so much. Just pure fluff and the dorks being dorks. 

Highschool AU Illya working on a set of mini terrarium jewelry to sell at the school fair to raise money. The jocks at the school sort of laugh and lowkey bully her for the idea but she ends up making a ton of money.

SOL comedy AU where alisaie and alphinaud both have a crush on Illya sort of compete for her attention. She’s completely oblivious to all of it. 

Cafe AU where Illya has raised enough money (and with Alphinaud’s generous donation) to send in an entry to university. Alphinaud helps her study for the entrance exam. 

More double dates? :eyes:

4) To Aru Majutsu no Index AU

LOOK SOMETHING I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT ON MY BLOG BEFORE. I just really like the premise / setting of this anime. ARE YALL READY FOR WORD VOMIT???

Academy city, a city that houses many schools, and research intuitions devoted to the study and advancement of science. Espers are individuals who use scientifically based supernatural powers, all of whom gained and trained their powers artificially under the system of Academy city. However, there is another underground side to the city - a small organization of people with supernatural abilities that cannot be explained by science. They are called magicians - and due to the rarity of magic, and how Academy city is so repulsed by the idea of abilities that defy the laws of conventional science and their understanding, some people even believe that magic is simply a myth or urban legend. 

While espers typically specialize in only one or two types of ability, magicians are often able to wield a variety of different abilities that take time to train and nurture, making them so frightening to the science side of academy. Some magicians even end up dabbling in the occult or black magic.

Alphinaud, a level 4 esper with the ability to physically see energy waves emitted by other espers. Couple that with his high intelligence, he is able to analyze the movements and abilities of other espers and even pin point the weak points of their abilities. His twin sister Alisaie is also a level 4 esper who is able to teleport herself and one other person she touches a certain distance in a radius around her current location. 

Alphinaud comes across Illya on his home from his training program one day, beaten and exhausted on the side of the road. He wants to call the hospital, but she begs him not to, saying she’s afraid that ‘they’ will find her. He takes her back to his home and nurses her wounds. Not seeing any energy waves being emitted from her, he assumes that she is simply an ordinary citizen. He asks her where her home is and how she ended up injured on the side of the road, but she refuses to tell him.

One day, a fight breaks out on the streets near his home, where a level 5 esper has gone rogue and is attacking innocent bystanders. He asks Illya to stay behind while he and Alisaie takes care of the situation. They are outmatched however, and Illya, watching the situation from the balcony of his home finally decides to step in. She easily incapacitates the esper using a variety of magical abilities the twins have never seen before, draining the man of his energy before returning to heal Alphinaud and Alisaie. 

They question Illya later, and she finally confesses to being a magician who is on the run from an organization who had been keeping her captive for the past few years. She has the ability of perfect memory - being able to memorize spells from any grimoire she reads and utilize the powers for herself, though often at some debilitating cost. The more powerful the spell, the more dire and painful the side effects.  She has been forced to read a total of more than 500 grimoires by now, and only managed to narrowly escape thanks to a mysterious man who took pity on her. 

Due to the side effects of her ability, and also having done nothing but be chained up and forced to read grimoires for the past few years, Illya is physically frail and cannot fend for herself beyond using magical abilities, which she is often hesitant to do.

5) Pokemon AU...carmela im looking

Waiting for @windupnamazu​ to provide more details on her pokemon au buttttt i’ve already been working on illya’s sort of backstory, her pokemon team, alphinaud’s pokemon team and other headcanons regarding this au. Also.. working with an artist regarding illya’s design for this au, which i’m very excited to be able to share =3c Not the time yet tho

I actually talked about a pokemon au with Jam as early as June of last year. I made a pokemon team for illya aaaaaand only half of her original team I had for her over a year ago is still in her current team oops. It’s okay, the retconned ones can stay at home and relax with Lachlan. 

6) More amaurotine stuff

Oh finally something relating to canon. I’ve been thinking about Chloris x Apollo from time to time and honestly I.. really love their dynamic.. despite how sad and lowkey awful Apollo can be towards her. But I think that’s part of the charm of what makes alphinaud and illya’s relationship later so sweet, being able to acknowledge that they had their flaws and learn from them ;w;

I had an idea for Chloris inventing a type of flower with the unintentional suggestion of Apollo, and it later makes an appearance where Alphinaud discovers the flower and asks Illya about it. 

7) The twins... no, not the Leveilleur twins

I think everyone’s talked about their lovechildren more than I have and I’ve already kind of explained why I haven’t made any screens or talked about them at length but.. I really do love them so much ;;;; I wanna find the opportunity to write a fic of them maybe spending a day inside with their army of carbuncles... Also @ancientechos​‘ OC Esme (son of haurche and laurelis) developing a crush on one of them =3c 

Also another idea I had involving them is being taken to the site of some of Illya and Alphinaud’s adventures...

8) Butler AU...hey, anyone remember this? 

Remember when I did several comics back to back and was super motivated for this AU? I do. I miss being motivated and inspired and not like.. wrecked with depression. I have plot points... ALSO INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER OCs WHO JOINED THIS AU???? Maybe one day I’ll find the drive again. At least I was able to finish one plot arc!! Which is more than I can say for most of my other AUs. Someone get me back in the shoujo manga mood!!! please!!

9) Idol AU 

Hey idol AU anon where are you.... WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME YOUR EXTRA HEADCANONS PLEASE COME BACK

10) More Alphinaud and his interactions with DRK Illya

I’ve already written a good number of fics about this, but I still... wanna do more... Acceptance, unconditional love, Illya learning that he won’t leave her despite all her insecurities and flaws... ILLYA FINALLY LEARNING TO IDK ACCEPT HERSELF. HELP.

I just really like DRK Illya okay, and you can pry the symbolism of her duality with her dark side from my cold dead hands. 

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale’s Top 10 Worst episodes of ML

(Now this list is my personal opinion, and since I haven't been so active, might as well make a big list)

I will be making my top 10 best list later)

This list is my personal opinion, and I don't expect everyone to agree with all my picks (some are obviously bad, and some that may have been awful to you might have not been for me. and the reverse. Let me know your personal top 10 worst)

10. Gigatitan

The reason this episode got on the list is mostly because it is completely unnecessary to anything in ML. It was such a dull episode. However, there were two things I did enjoy in the episode. 1. The Girl squad, which I did find funny.

2. I did like that Gorilla will stop being mad as long as Adrien’s okay. 

Aside from that this episode was pretty dull.

9.Malediktator

This one is on the list because it is subpar in a LOT of ways. Chloé’s ‘Redemption’ was pretty much on life support and this did too little too late to make anyone think Chloé was redeemable. The akuma design was lame, Adrien’s attitude (While I do understand why he was upset, had no reason to say no one else should be unhappy) The lesson is more of a slap in the face now with season 3′s ending.

It did have some cool action shots, and Actual cat Chat noir was funny to me.

8. Animaestro

Or as I like to call it, “Thomas’ emotional HJ episode” 

The fight itself was the only somewhat entertaining thing about this episode. (Also Marinette and Kagami’s outfits were cool, but doesn't really save the episode)

It is a textbook case of how ‘Not’ to do a self insert. and how not to do a “Call out the critics” episode. 

Marinette got a lot of flack on this episode, and I think people were too hard on her, she was clearly regretful about he actions and swore not to do it again, besides it was chloé that did the stuff, not Marinette. 

But mainly just the episode was bleh.

7.Stormy weather 2.0

MAN, I HATE CLIPSHOWS.

this episode was a glorified recap, I am not even bothering with an image for this one, because it would just be recycled footage.

Also just drives in the nail that Chloé isn't getting a redemption. So, just more insult to injury.

I guess it does give a little insight on how characters think of each other, but really, it is a pretty weak episode. Aurore deserved better.

6. Antibug

Finally a season 1 episode makes the list.

I am someone that LOVES the evil opposite trope. But the way this episode is done is so... lacking in every sense of the word.

Antibug wasn't even the akuma for Half the episode. How she beats chat noir easily made no sense. Her design was lacking. It felt rushed and the action between Ladybug and Antibug could have been so much better.

I do like the ladynoir in it, but its not a good episode.

5. Copycat

I agree this was a more entertaining episode to watch then most of the episodes below it, but this has a few things wrong with it that I can't look past.

A. HOW OLD IS THEO?! (This is like 30% of my problem with this episode.) Cause potential pedo. I kind of hope @zoe-oneesama​ is right and he is actually Adrien and Marinette age. Or at least Luka Age. Because then I can like his character, Theo wasn't really that bad.

B. Chat noir is at his worst in this episode and doesn't apologize for acting like an absolute possessive prick, which if he did would have probably made this a great episode.

C. (Related to B) Ladybug takes the blame for not showing up. This isn't her fault and I feel like she should know that.

4. Captain Hardrock

This was the episode that made me quit ML for a while.

It was a poorly written and incredibly boring episode.

IT HAS A PIRATE BATTLE IN IT, BUT IT WAS BORING! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!

Luka’s intro was so... ehh. Comparing it to Kagami’s would be like a paper tiger to a category 3 hurricane. Kagami’s intro was so much stronger.

I found him so douche-y at the time I first watched this. Now my feelings on the guitarist have softened. But I feel he could have had a much better introduction.

also, Marinette’s character was not written well in this episode. (not that she was awful, but her interactions with Luka felt really off to me in this episode)

3. Miracle Queen (Spoilers below)

I loved Loveater, and seeing Miracle Queen was such a MONUMENTAL letdown.

It had a LOT of expectations to meet and Failed in meeting every single one.

The only thing I Found legit enjoyment out of was the fight with Dragonbug and Snake noir against team evil miraculous.

Fu’s departure was... I didn't care. I honestly could not care at this point.

Like I should have felt sadder, but I felt more bad for Marinette. Fu basically Yeeted his responsibility to her. Marinette thinks all of this is all her fault. Now she is the guardian, is giving up on Adrien, and is pretty much alone, because she is under the impression if her identity is ever known, THE WORLD WILL F***ING END.

So yea, I hate how hard Marinette gets hit.

Maybe if they did One of the things, it wouldn't have been so awful.

The show did give up the love square, now its just fucking love triangles. Whoop-dee f***ing do.

Honestly the worst part is how insufferable certain members of the fandom were when this came out. (you guys know what I am talking about.)

2.  The Chameleon

What? This isn't number 1? I bet you are all thinking. 

The truth is, its a bad episode. Objectively one of the worst written episodes, inspired the most salt, and pretty much set the tone of the salt Fandom last year.

Adrien’s lesson was bad, (which he does learn he was wrong, but damage still done)

Marinette had to deal with so much unnecessary crap.

Everyone had the IQ of goldfish.

The akuma was Lame.

The only funny part was Clam Lila (and that is really the only thing that saved it from being number one)

1. Frozen

This one is my personal least favorite episode.

It had Kagami, Adrien and Marinette at their relative worst in terms of personality.

The only decent character in this that didn't make me want to shoot myself was Luka. (and Plagg, but I actually like plagg a lot so he is always exempt unless stated otherwise)

The ice skating battle was sorta cool but I wish there was more to the ice designs, as well as the fight itself.

I was still not over the lame drama from earlier, that really set the tone for the ending of season 3.

And for that, I really can't forgive.

It established the whole love triangle bs.

It made Chat noir an asshole to Copycat levels of asshollery.

It also was the rise of the anti’s that shipped Lukanette. (Not the ones that ship Lukanette because they like the ship and just want happiness for both of them. Those peeps are chill and have great art)  The ones that want to rag on Adrien and use this ship as some sort of way to punish him, because Idk.

I think I hate what the episode started more then the actual episode itself. But that is the main reason why I put this at number ones.

[daisy--sorbet]

heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it. 

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity. 

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy? 

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent). 

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?). 

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″  (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe. 

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned. 

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene. 

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there! 

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed. 

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh 

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad.