#idk why I’m compelled to finish it so hard

[meltedvinyls]

9.5 hours of painting and I still haven’t finished this stupid fucking horse

[fernsnailz]

February 2024 Review Roundup

well i sure did watch some stuff and read one book this month

the things i finished this month reminded me that for every incredible piece of art i find myself enjoying, i end up watching some Hot Garbage immediately after to balance things out again. idk why i do this.

i have quite a bit to say about both the things i enjoyed and the things that brought me physical pain this month, so there is um. a lot under the cut. any previous desire for brevity i had in january has been completely thrown out the window as i use these roundups as an outlet to gush about things i like and complain about things i didn't. fair warning, if you open the readmore you will be scrolling for a while. enjoy i guess

House of Leaves

does any other book out there have the balls to write a completely fake interview with stephen king

House of Leaves is a novel you gotta throw around a little bit. It feels really weird that my copy is still in the pristine state I bought it in - It seems like it should have water damage and smell like mildew with its pages falling out and spine cracked into pieces. Getting the full story from this book requires flipping back and forth, turning it around, searching for answers. All things considered it’s not that difficult of a read, but its format still allows you to feel like you’re discovering every hidden piece for yourself, and I really liked that interactivity. I was engaged pretty much the whole way through.

I don’t really think I’ll be able to revisit this book anytime soon though. It’s difficult for me to format what else I’d like to say about it because to be honest, it caught me off guard and disturbed me on a fairly personal level. There’s a relief I feel when I remember that I don’t actually know what was going on with the house - maybe that was intentional on the book’s behalf, maybe I just didn’t look hard enough for answers. I don’t know. But the implication that something divine was down there was enough of an answer for me. The book's good. read it if you want a spooooooky time or if you never want to look at a hallway the same way again

Doctor Who (Series 1-4) (rewatch)

ok so this is a fuckload of doctor who to cover so i’m gonna give some thoughts on a few of the characters and my favorite + least favorite episodes

9th doctor: My favorite butch lesbian. Christopher Eccleston truly embodies the concept of The Doctor so, so well: otherworldly guy who knows too much, genuinely cares about life across the universe, and also has a bit of deep, unresolved rage. His moments of joy and careless fun stick with me the most, he absolutely radiates with life and brings so much to this character.

Rose: I first watched Doctor Who when I was in middle school, and I didn’t like Rose that much back then. And guys. I have bad news. I'm still not really much of a Rose fan

I definitely understood her more this watch through - that desire for adventure and some sort of control over her life, emotions so strong that she’s willing to throw near everything away. That’s just what being 19 is like sometimes. I think Rose is a very compelling character who just happens to frustrate me a bit. And that’s kinda the point, her co-dependent relationship with the Doctor is doomed to fail and it's meant to hurt. Ultimately, I think when I first watched the show I was too young to understand Rose, and now I’m just too old to relate to her.

Captain Jack: Jack is my favorite character. I fucking love this guy. Dude has the worst luck in the whole universe and still cannot be stopped. Legendary. Every episode with him is a goddamn delight because he has so much chemistry with every single cast member. No notes 10/10 i love my problematic bisexual king

10th doctor: About four episodes into David Tennant’s run I realized that he dresses like a Hazbin Hotel character and it made me very sad. Still, there’s a reason this guy inspired every middle schooler to buy a pair of converse in 2008. He has style, he has depth, he’s got the sauce. It’s genuinely terrifying to see his anger, I like that a lot of 10’s run is about his denial of godhood and power over life in the universe, something that the rest of the time lords desired. idk i like my sad pathetic little weasel but he's also a huge fucking asshole sometimes which sucks. especially when it's directed at Martha.

Martha: Martha I am so sorry for what this show put you through. Martha was my favorite companion when I first watched the show, and I still have a huge soft spot for her. Her ability to hold her own and navigate foreign worlds using her own intelligence absolutely rules, and her drive forward is unbreakable. But the show seems to put her down at every possible opportunity, most notably with how 10 treats her. Her struggles and wants are constantly ignored, and she's often treated as a rebound from Rose. And I like that she eventually chooses to end it by not traveling with 10 anymore, but it hurts because it feels like she was never given the same chance or care that Rose and Donna were. This era of Doctor Who really doesn’t treat its black companions well because Mickey goes through something similar - both Martha and Mickey are characters designed to be ignored or left behind, and it sucks.

Donna: Donna Noble is one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist. Despite seemingly living a fairly average life and working a fairly average job, Donna reflects the idea that no one is truly "average" and every single person is brimming with personality, life, and love. I love that her relationship with 10 is purely platonic, personally their friendship feels like it has a lot more depth than either of the romance-oriented relationships 10 had with Rose and Martha. 10 and Donna bounce off of each other so well and it's delightful, Donna brings so much humor and life to every world she's taken to and it's incredible. I wish her and Captain Jack could have interacted more.

My favorite episode: The Runaway Bride is hard to not choose as my favorite. I have a blast every time I watch this episode and it’s such a good introduction for Donna. Also the Tardis car chase kills me, I love when it cuts to the kids in the back of another car clapping and cheering. I was also surprised by the episode Midnight - it’s dreadful to watch and I kinda loved it. So much spirals out of control when shit hits the fan, even though no one has any idea what they’re trying to fight against. Really interesting exploration as to how fear can drive people apart.

My least favorite episode: It’s Love & Monsters. I wish I liked this episode - stories that follow regular ass people living in this world are often some of the best episodes in the series (Weeping Angels and all that). And this episode definitely has some of that. It’s honestly really touching to see this group of nerds get together and enjoy life in the first part of the episode. I think the antagonist of “guy who absorbs people” ends up dragging down any charm this story had because he just. eats all of the interesting characters. But despite me disliking this episode, I honestly have a deep respect for it - it’s fucking crazy. It ends with the main guy telling us about his sex life with his girlfriend who is now stuck in a piece of concrete. Where else are you going to get a story like this. It fucking sucks and that’s hilarious

oh also the production design: GODDDDDD I FUCKING LOVE THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND SETS ON THIS SHOW. I love how dirty and rundown a lot of the spaceship sets look with wires and lights scattered everywhere. And a number of alien designs also go CRAZY with the prosthetics - I keep thinking about the Hath from The Doctor’s Daughter and how every head prosthetic had liquid inside it that could bubble. Absolutely crazy. I also love the moments where you can clearly see they did not have that much time and just had to throw something together or pain a bald cap green. Jank is the nature of sci-fi production design and I dearly love and miss that Doctor Who jank.

Rebuild of Evangelion

Last year after finishing the original Evangelion series + End of Evangelion, I remember going through the Evangelion tumblr tag and being very confused by the number of slice of life/found family-esque fanworks of the cast. It left me puzzled and thinking “...did we even watch the same thing??”

APPARENTLY NOT

[spoiler warning here because these movies are very good and i give the best parts away. if you want to watch these movies then DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!]

I honestly never expected a world where these characters got a happy ending. I so, so badly wish I could see 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 in theaters - these movies are stunning. I know I say things “go crazy” a lot, but man. They go fucking CRAZY.

While I have a few issues with how the first two movies adapted the original show, I do think the changes they made better serve the story this rebuild is trying to tell. For example, my favorite episode in the original Eva series is episode 18, where Toji is chosen to pilot Unit 03. It’s absolutely terrifying because Shinji doesn’t know who 03’s pilot is, yet he’s forced to be inside Unit 01 as it tears 03 apart. His resolve not to kill anyone despite not even knowing who’s in danger is an aspect of that episode I love and speaks to Shinji's inherent humanity, and when he learns Toji was in there it hurts even more. The rebuild movies change Unit 03’s pilot to Auska, and Shinji knows she’s in there from the start. I think this choice works for the movies and is still an effective emotional beat, but personally I still prefer the version where Shinji had no idea who was in there. That lack of knowledge is infinitely more terrifying to me.

I really like what these movies did with some of the angel designs though. The sixth angel (the fuckin. blue diamond cube thing) works really well in 3D/CG animation. The way the thing warps and moves is otherly and terrifying - and it’s just a fucking cube. I’ve always really loved how the Eva series approaches angel designs and the divine - despite the alien-like designs, there’s often something extremely familiar about them. They’re often reminiscent of an animal, a machine, or a human. This is also how they approached the anti-universe in these movies, I loved how it takes the form of various locations from the series and turns them into a movie set. It’s deeply familiar, but ultimately just an illusion of familiarity like the angels and the divine.

Also I gotta say. I fucking love Mari. I think she’s hilarious. She first meets Shinji by accidentally parachuting into him and then immediately starts crawling on all fours to sniff him. This girl also introduces “Beast Mode” where the Eva pilots can go wild turn their mechs into a fucking. superpowered beast of some sort. And also she defeats a whole army by using the Eiffel Tower as a spear. She’s such an absurd character and I honestly kinda love it. The only thing I knew about these movies before watching them was this gif of her Backing That Shit Up and she truly lives up to the insane nature of this shot.

My favorite section of these movies is definitely the first part of 3.0+1.0 where the pilots are basically just living a domestic life in a small town - it’s truly beautiful. The growth that Rei’s copy goes through here is fantastic, I love stories about seemingly emotionless beings learning how to live. And right after she dies, we get the shot that absolutely broke me the first time I saw it:

This shit. The way you can just barely tell he’s been crying from the red around his eyes. They don't talk about it, they barely linger on it, but it's allowed just enough time to punch you in the gut. I don’t know why this shot got me as hard as it did but goddamn. jesus christ. i want to throw up

There’s some goofy shit in these movies. The infinite synch rate. Misato’s stupidass hat and sunglasses. Some goofy ass 3D animation that doesn’t age super well. The rainbow that shows up every time an angel dies. But these things really didn’t take me out of the core of these films, and there’s so much genuine emotion and beauty in this series that had me absolutely hooked - especially in the last two films. They go crazy. My favorite line is 100% “The only thing a son can do for his father is pat him on the shoulder… or kill him.” and man. ain’t that what Evangelion is all about. i love these movies

High School Musical 3

kinda slaps just a little bit

High School Musical 3 starts with a finale number. The last high school basketball game of Troy Bolton’s life - and it goes kinda hard. The classic pep band brass that’s essential to so many High School Musical numbers returns, and the constant theme of two feuding cheer teams in the background? Genius. This is truly art. I love listening to Now or Never without visuals because in the middle Troy just starts coughing and gagging seemingly out of nowhere

Unfortunately, starting the movie at such a high point means that the rest of the runtime doesn’t quite match up to it. The story lags and meanders quite a bit, but part of me kinda appreciates that - it’s their last semester of high school, which is always a time of confusion and turmoil. However, I do have a pitch for how they could have countered the constant falling action this movie seems to go through:

The Wildcats should have lost their last game at the beginning of the movie.

What if the game is instead the inciting incident that leads Troy and his besties through their tumultuous last semester? Troy is still torn between basketball and theater, but his identity would be even further challenged here - is winning and success all that matters for him, or is it the love of sport and performance that keeps him going? idk whatever this movie came out 16 years ago i can’t be out here writing AUs for it jgnfsgfnjdksg

Some miscellaneous thoughts about this movie that i don’t care about formatting into larger paragraphs:

Ryan and Sharpay’s number (I Want It All) slaps as usual. The part where Ryan shouts “MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!!!!” makes me so happy every time i hear it

The production design and sets go absolutely fucking crazy. I still have no idea how they pulled off the spinning hallway in Scream.

One of the classic staples of HSM is Chad’s shirts. Most of them are fairly silly and like something you would expect to find in the walmart clearance section. However, there’s one shirt he has in this movie that confused the hell out of me. It’s this one:

What the FUCK does Greenster mean. Is it just a combination of Green and Monster?? Why??? What green monster are we talking about here????? Where the fuck did this shirt come from?????????

Avatar The Last Airbender (2024)

There’s really only one word I can think of to describe what this show is like: sauceless. No flavor. No depth. No character. No sauce. This show is honestly so fucking boring and seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the appeal of the original Avatar series is - not necessarily because things are changed or removed from the original, but because nothing of substance is added in return. 

Most of the characters are mere echoes of their original counterparts when compared to their source material. Sokka is reduced to a guy who wants to fight good, Katara’s stubborn and confrontational nature is very rarely utilized, and Aang’s mischievous antics and love of fun is sorely missing. One of the major reasons for the dull interpretations seems to be the directing - While I have faith that most of these actors are trying their best (especially since a number of them are kids/young adults), the direction seems to be incredibly lackluster and takes away nearly every cast member’s stage presence or personality. There’s a number of reaction shots of the main trio that just look like this: 😐😐😐 as if they were just told to “look concerned” at the events unfolding before them. And these issues are apparent in the majority of the performances - for example, General Zhao talks like he’s in a board meeting up until the last episode, and it’s an incredibly flat performance. He talks somewhat monotone in the original series as well, but this live-action take on the character often meanders with his dialogue and lacks that sharp, terrifying quality that I think this character needs. Uncle Iroh also feels incredibly stiff in this adaptation, and it’s a goddamn crime that they took away the cunty little outfit and chains he was originally wearing when he gets captured by earthbenders. wait who said that

Credit where credit is due, there’s a few cast members that seem to be giving their best. It’s clear that Aang’s actor enjoys the role and does pretty well despite the lackluster direction and dialogue he’s given. On top of that, I think Zuko’s actor is honestly the best part of the show. His take on Zuko leans much more into teenage tendencies and sarcasm, which, although it can be silly, is a welcome take of the character in my opinion and pretty fun to watch. There’s this one line he has at the beginning of episode 2 where, in an incredibly whiny tone of voice, he goes “He RAN! The ultimate warrior! He’s a Coward :((((“ and the read is so. fucking funny

The case of bad direction isn’t limited to the performances, however. It’s also stunningly apparent in how everything is shot. Despite being in a widescreen format, most shots are incredibly centered - you could crop the entire runtime into a 4:3 frame and you wouldn’t be cutting out much of anything. I’ve seen some speculation that this was an intentional choice to make things more adaptable or readable for TikTok/phone video, but honestly I think that’s a dumb take. I think the issue stems from a lack of creativity and thoughtless composition. Keeping everything staged in the center can make shots feel disjointed, lacking much depth, or completely empty. It’s a boring way to shoot and indicates that the show lacks any unique vision at all.

Overall, this show doesn't really seem to understand what makes Avatar interesting in the first place. It's more interested in spectacle and action than the characters' relationships, emotions, and mistakes. I try not to compare it too much to the original since it's allowed to take liberties with its adaptation, but very few of its changes add much to the end result or give it a unique voice. It's just sauceless and boring.

Some YouTube videos i liked in February:

💥 My House.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod (some supplemental House of Leaves material for ya) 💥 Martha Jones Deserved Better (this video explains how Doctor Who did Martha dirty better than i ever could) 💥 bringing JUSTICE to the worst garfield game 💥 Selling Kids for Clout: The Downfall of Family Channels

And that’s my roundup for February! Thank you for reading, I promise there are no more reviews left to scroll through below this goodbye. Nope, nothing else I watched this month. Bye!

…ok is everyone gone. phew, i’m glad no one noticed i pulled an hbomberguy and hid the largest part of this post under a false ending. Anyway holy shit i need to talk about hazbin hotel

Hazbin Hotel

well i didn’t like it

Hazbin Hotel is a weird, fascinating mess of a show. Every episode left me wondering what creative decisions (or lack thereof) led to the sequence of images I just watched. There’s been a lot of discussion of this show recently and I’m not interested in covering every critique I have, but there’s a few things that I'd like to talk about somewhat in-depth.

Hell is real and it's just Red Chicago

The setting of Hell is kinda boring in this show.

Let me try to put this into perspective. Aside from the hotel, here’s a list of the locations we see in Hell:

A boardroom

A video store

Vox’s evil lair (it has cyber sharks which is kinda cool)

Various streets

Another boardroom

A BDSM club

Carmilla’s house (it’s gray and has. balconies?)

A porn studio

A bar

Another bar

A town square (full of cannibals)

None of these locations really take on any sort of otherworldly form besides some vague demonic imagery scattered throughout (and the cannibals. i guess. whatever). In short, Hazbin Hotel’s setting resembles Chicago more than it does Hell.

I can see a world where that’s intentional. Perhaps making Hell resemble a modern city could be used as a thematic tool or point of relatability? But Hazbin doesn’t really do anything like that - since the characters rarely ever interact with their environments, these locations end up seeming like they lack creativity, like they’re just cardboard sets where characters go to swear. They all start to blend together after a while - every street feels the same, every boardroom fades into the background, and every bar feels like a google image search result for the word “club.” This world feels stunningly empty despite the busy designs and colors. Even though the backgrounds are painted and designed fairly well, nothing of substance is ever really added to them through the story.

However, a few musical numbers take effort to break away from these settings. This felt like a weight off of my shoulders whenever it happened, it was nice to see some interesting setpieces and backgrounds that weren’t red. I liked the bombastic and over-the-top broadway lights in Loser and the glowing alternate world in Charlie and Lucifer’s song. But these moments are few and crowded by the dull locations in Hell - or worse, the Hotel itself.

Despite being the namesake of the show, the actual Hazbin Hotel is… lifeless. Which, yeah, it’s a hotel where dead people go in the afterlife, but it’s missing any sort of personality or history besides “it’s old and falling apart.” I expected the hotel to be full of secrets - like maybe some hidden passages or rooms, or mysterious cabinets full of rotted meats, or old valuables hidden under the rugs by the previous owners. Something for the cast to explore and discover, and as they get closer to each other they also start to understand the hotel more. Alastor seems very intent on keeping the physical hotel standing for some reason, but I never really understood why. There’s nothing there. And that nothingness is fully realized when at the end of the show, they just rebuild the entire hotel to be grand and beautiful - an emotional beat that didn’t hit me at all because I never felt like I knew the hotel in the first place. Despite rebuilding it from the ground up, it will feel just as empty.

3 SHOTS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY

I was truly baffled at how some of these scenes are timed and put together. Multiple sequences left me feeling nauseous and dazed - the camera moves like it’s being swung on the end of a rope, and there’s so many misplaced or meaningless cuts scattered through these episodes.

There’s a sequence of three shots in the first episode that I want to dissect. I will fully admit that I'm breaching nitpicking territory here, but the shot composition issues in this show are pretty rampant and my analysis here is just a hyper-specific look at a single part of that larger problem. Hopefully you can also use it as a quick storyboarding lesson too idk

First, we see Adam teasing Charlie.

Then, it cuts straight to this shot:

A few things here. 

Shot 2 is just closer on the characters, which is not a great idea to cut to after the previous waist-up shot. On top of being a jarring jump cut, there is no purpose for this new shot. All the information we see here (Adam laughs, Charlie fake laughs) could have just been conveyed in the previous shot.

Despite the characters being in the same position as the last shot, the background changes. This straight up just feels like an error. I think the idea is supposed to be that the camera is at a different angle, but the position of the characters does not convey that. It looks like reality changes behind them.

And if that’s not enough, this is the shot we get immediately after those two:

In this shot, the residents of the hotel sit on the couch as Vaggie walks into the shot, framing them between her legs. But there’s something… off.

Vaggie either looks like she’s floating or she’s three stories tall. Quick storyboard lesson as to why:

The main problem with this shot is that the perspective of the background doesn’t match up with where Vaggie is placed. The couch is framed as if the camera were above it, but Vaggie is framed like the camera is floor-level below her. I’ve traced the shot and added a perspective grid to hopefully better illustrate this:

Do you see what I mean? If the camera WAS actually on the floor like Vaggie’s position in the shot suggests, the composition would look more like this:

Notice how much closer the floor grid is to the bottom of the frame and how you can see the underside of the couch.

And to be fair, this is probably what the original storyboard for this shot looked like! Personally I think something went wrong in the compositing stage - this might be a couch background from another shot that was reused here to save time, or whoever approved this shot just let the error slide since the shot is so short (i've been there. sometimes you let the jank slide). Most animated shows will have some poorly framed shots and continuity errors because mistakes are bound to happen, but two egregious ones right next to each other like this is. pretty bad. It's so noticeable from a directing perspective.

Here’s the thing: these three shots happen in the span of like 10 seconds. Most viewers probably wouldn’t notice these issues, and that's fine. But even though these errors are quick, they stack upon each other so fast that even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, something still feels wrong. There’s so many other moments where the show breaks extremely basic shot composition, continuity, and staging rules - for example, the second musical number of the show breaks the 180 rule like four times for no good reason. The whole show feels like a dizzy, nauseating mess because the shots rarely feel like they form anything cohesive.

MY ROOMMATE TOLD ME TO GO TO BED SO HERE ARE SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Here’s a rundown on some other thoughts that I don’t care to format into larger sections:

The show seems to lack much to say about sin and redemption other than “redemption good.” like sure, but what are they being redeemed from? Is heaven truly the place they deserve to go after being redeemed, even though it’s shown to be unjust? Are there sins that are too great to be redeemed from, or others that shouldn't be considered sins at all? I asked myself a number of questions like this, but never got many answers from Hazbin.

This show has a bad relationship with kink and sex. Both are mostly used as a punchline or a form of control. I didn’t like it. Perhaps the reason Hazbin never really comments on the nature of sin is because it needs you to consider sex and kink sinful or otherly for these jokes to hit.

Some of the animation is crazy good. I will praise any animator that even attempts to make these character designs move. A number of extremely talented people worked on this show, a few of the musical sequences in particular have some incredible movement.

Alastor is a very boring character. It’s wild that most of the side characters in this show only exist to talk about how much they like or hate Alastor, he mostly just stands to the side of some shots or kills random nameless goons. I expected him to have a much larger role in the story, but he just gets his ass kicked in the final episode and then crawls back to the hotel.

Episode 4 is the most cohesive, and i think Angel is the best character in the show. Unfortunately, the fact that Hazbin takes so much effort to show Angel’s misery left me… concerned? None of the other characters get treated as poorly as Angel by the narrative. There’s a few smaller explorations of trauma, but nothing remotely compares to what Angel is put through on-screen. This isn’t to say that I think the whole cast needs to be extremely traumatized and constantly miserable, but rather that I find it concerning that the only character subjected to incredibly graphic abuse and torture (that we see or hear about) is the gay sex worker. Which sucks, because I think the concept of hypersexuality resulted from sexual abuse is an important topic worthy of discussing in adult media. I just think they tried to execute this theme without much critical thought beforehand.

I think the voice cast does a fantastic job for the most part. Keith David is way too good for Husk.

I really liked the one shot where Charlie opens her phone and we see that she has a contact for every individual egg minion.

I was very brave and got through this whole review without talking about my new least favorite character of all time, Vox. here’s what I think of him:

The overall vision and end result of Hazbin Hotel is just mediocre. While I don’t know what led to the messy state this show ended up in, my guess is that it was probably the result of inadequate direction, sloppy writing, and lacking creative support from the studios involved. Because of this, please understand that I have no desire or intention to put down any individual artists that worked on this show - I hope it's clear that most of my criticisms are directed at the larger vision these artists were given to execute and/or the lack of creative support they received while working on this show.

I also don’t really have much desire to participate in any further Hazbin discussion or discourse because it has wasted enough of my time already and I want to be free of this curse. please spare my inbox from hazbin hotel discourse. please. i'm begging.

You want to know what the most fucked up thing about this is though? Despite everything I said about Hazbin, Avatar the Last Airbender 2024 is still the worst show I watched this month. I would take Hazbin over Avatar 2024 literally any day.

well if you got this far. thanks for reading. also sorry you read all that. whelp alright back into my hole i go bye bye

[gay-dorito-dust]

I know it’s a long task but what about an Adam warlock x you fic that’s a slow burn? Like it’s not immediately obvious that the two like each other.

Might not be what you wanted but I might have to make multiple parts for this but idk. I didn’t want to draw this out too much as I have a tendency of doing so. This could be considered a chapter 1 or a prologue at the very least. 🦦🦝

When you first met Adam Warlock it was when you offered to share your apartment with him temporarily until the reparations to the town, alongside the additional housing for the newcomers of Knowhere were finished. Now at the time you didn’t know what compelled you into offering up your apartment, but you could only assume that you wanted to be a Good Samaritan; seeing as how you couldn’t stand seeing him look so lost and all on his lonesome, swaddled in that insulation blanket of his.

‘He looks and acts like a newborn dawn struggling to find their legs in a life that doesn’t make sense, he needs a helping hand.’ Was what you said when further asked and whilst it was the truth, it was also something you used in hopes that it would put an end to any potential questioning later down the line; After all it wasn’t like you were taking advantage of him, the poor lad didn’t have anywhere to go nor belong to without someone having to tell him where he was supposed to be.

‘Come on Adam, we’re going home.’ You told him and he looked at you with furrowed brows.

‘Home?’ He repeats.

‘Yes, home.’ You replied, holding out a hand out to him, smiling once his hand gripped yours in wordless agreement to return with you.

So needless to say when you brought Adam back home, he was just as lost within this new location then he was before, his golden eyes darting from one corner of your apartment to another with awe and curiosity towards everything that seemed remotely new to him because it was; It seemed to you in that moment that Adam most likely never had the chance to stop and take a breather, which quite frankly made you feel even more sad for the golden being.

‘Nothings going to harm you here Adam.’ You told him when you found him cautiously looking at the vast amount of trinkets you had displayed across multiple surfaces throughout your living room. ‘I’m aware.’ Adam responded shortly. ‘I’m merely curious as to what theses things are.’ He trailed off as he leaned from the waist and made it so his eyes were level with the little fake succulent before reaching a hand out to poke it’s hard plastic leaves, jolting back like a frightened cat as he stared at the finger he touched the plant with; internally wondering why that leaf felt the way it did.

‘Y/n I believe there maybe something wrong with your plant.’ Adam told you. ‘Quick, we must get it to a doctor before it surbcomes to it’s illness.’ Just as he was about to pick up the fake succulent, you grasped his wrist, stopping him in his tracks which only proved to cause confusion within Adam as he looked at you with a look. ‘Why are you stopping me from helping your succulent, if we postpone it’s treatment it could die.’

‘It’s fake.’ You said, ‘the succulent is fake Adam, it’s meant to be like that as it’s made out of a hardened form of plastic so the buyer doesn’t have to provide care for the actual thing it’s based on.’ Adam’s brows furrow deeper. ‘Why would anyone do that, it just sounds like a lazy method as to get out of holding responsibility over something. If you’re not going to take care of the actual succulent, why settle for a fake one?’ He finishes and you shrugged, ‘mainly for decoration, it fills in the empty space when you don’t know what to do with it.’

‘I…don’t think I understand.’ The golden male said, really trying to understand the logic behind it but only to find it all the more confusing. Surely there has to be other decorative pieces that could’ve been chosen instead of a fake placeholder of a succulent you were never going to care for in the first place. ‘It’s okay if you don’t understand, just try not to think so hard on certain things because the reasonings to why aren’t always that deeply convoluted.’ You informed him, gently tugging him away from the fake succulent before he decided to do anything else to it.

‘What’s this?’ Adam then asks as his attention was brought towards an old blue teddy bear with a equally blue bow tie sat upon shelf, causing the breath in your throat to hitch and your blood to run cold, before he could touch it, you were quick to snatch it off the shelf and hold it firmly against your chest, shielding it away from Adam by presenting him him your back. Taken aback by your sudden movements Adam backed away, being fully aware of the tell tell signs of hostility, he knew he had crossed a boundary by bringing attention to the blue bear and upon your reaction, this wasn’t just some blue teddy bear that you kept on a shelf.

You put it there for a reason.

A reason he wasn’t privy to knowing.

Realising what you had done and looking upon Adam’s face, you apologised, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know what came over me just then but this bear holds sentimental value and I’d prefer it if you don’t touch him.’ You said as you put the bear back onto the shelf in it’s precious positioning. ‘No, I should be the one apologising y/n. It’s clear that I’ve overstepped a boundary and will make certain that I won’t do it again.’ Adam reassures you, ‘but if I may ask, what’s the history behind this blue bear?’ The question shouldn’t have struck as deep as it did but you found it to be an hard question to answer as you felt a tightness in your throat that made swallowing a difficulty and your hands clam up at your sides. You weren’t ready.

‘All you need to know is that it’s a gift with deep sentimental value and that I treasure it greatly. Now let me show you where your going to sleep tonight.’ was all you said in response and Adam took that as the end of that conversation and decided it best not to pry any further and followed after you.

[penny-anna]

His first thought, on laying eyes on his new assistant, was God, but he’s young. He quickly revised his judgement; after all, people could and did look younger than their years. But still. In his line of work, it was rare to encounter someone quite so – fresh-faced. “Marty, this is Doctor B,” said Strickland, motioning at him. “He’s the head of your department. Doctor, this is your new assistant, Marty M.” They were standing in the hallway outside Manufacturing and Development. It was a little after ten thirty in the morning. Marty M was flanked by Strickland on one side and a security guard on the other; he had on a wide-eyed, dumbstruck look that Emmett recognised vaguely from his previous, rare encounters with new hires. Clearing his throat, he stepped forward and offered up a friendly handshake. “Good morning,” he said. “I’m Doctor B. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The kid – it was difficult not to think of him as a kid – had his arms folded across his chest. He made no move to return the handshake. He looked at Emmett’s outstretched hand. His eyes went to his face; they tracked, slowly, up and down his body, taking all of him in. Then he turned and bolted like a frightened animal. “Oh, my,” said Emmett, as he vanished around the corner with a squeak of shoes on hard floor. The security guard was laughing. “Mr Murphy!” barked Strickland. “On it,” said the security guard. “I’ll get him – don’t worry.” He jogged away in pursuit. For a long and uncomfortable moment Emmett stood in the doorway of M&D, trying not to meet Mr Strickland’s unfalteringly stern gaze. “Uh,” he said, looking somewhere in the direction of his left ear. “How’s the orientation going?” “He’s been trying to give us the slip all morning,” said Strickland. “Ah,” said Emmett. “I’ve had worse,” Strickland added. He did not elaborate. There was a yell, nearby; and the security guard rounded the corner, half-carrying, half-dragging Marty M, arms firmly around his waist. “Let me go!” the kid was yelling. “Let go – let go of me –” His feet fully left the ground, kicking out at the air, his hands grasping at nothing, and at the look on his face Emmett’s guts twisted. “Feistiest new hire we’ve had in a while, huh?” said the security guard.

hey guys!! big news!! after stalling at like 99% completion for many weeks, i finished this monster of a Back to the Future/Severance AU tonight!! i have titled it 'Welcome to the Panopticon'.

When will it be published?

as soon as i finish editing chapter 1

What if I like Back to the Future but haven't seen Severance?

i would recommend you watch Severance bcos it does slap, however, the majority of the relevant worldbuilding is recapped in the fic so u should be fine

What if I like Severance but haven't seen Back to the Future?

you will have 0 problems with this fic as it has fuck all to do with Back to the Future

What if I haven't seen either?

you can do whatever you want

Why would you combine those 2 things?

listen sometimes you're hyperfixated on a thing and then you watch a really good TV show and you are compelled to plug tab A into slot B even if it makes no sense. idk something something time travel?? alternate selves? idk Severance is just a really fun way to explore character dynamics

How long is it?

it will be my longest published fanfic to date at seven chapters & just shy of 90,000 words!!

Jesus fuck

yeah I know :( read my fic anyway it took me 8 months to write and im very proud

[86future]

Finished rewatching Devilman Crybaby this time w the added context of having actually read Devilman and while I enjoyed it more this time round (I deeply h8ed it my first watch lol) all my criticism still stands! Some of it is a matter of personal taste IE I dislike the designs but even within that there’s some objectivity—I think the way the show draws and animates bodies can be quite uncomfortable when you take into account how animalistic it makes Akira, who is notably tanner than Ryo who is like pale and prim and In Control of his emotions. I suppose this is contrasted w him being literally Satan but it still feels gross. Speaking of: darker skin tones were rly gray and washed out and that sucks. Idk I think the show is pretty weird about race in general! The rap stuff was rly cool as a device but also complicated this further. Also wtf was up w Ryo and that like… was it a native tribe? Idk. Strange stuff!

I think also that Devilman absolutely is a series that needs to have a lot of sex and violence bc that’s sort of what made it so huge in the 70s—it was some of the most violent shit ppl had seen! But I think that for a show made in 2018 u can’t rly do that just for the sake of having a lot sex and violence. You should prolly be trying to actually say smth w it this time lol. So idk a lot of that fell flat for me! However I do think there were times were it tried to do smth—I think the arc w the guy who takes pics of teen girls modeling bikini outfits and him also being the guy who films Akira’s transformation and that video being viewed w the photos of the girls behind it was rly rly rly fascinating. Esp w Ryo also having a lot of moments where he’s recording Akira and keeping tabs on him. The use of cameras and voyeurism was really cool and I wish we’d gotten more of it.

I thought some of the changes + new stuff were interesting and actually added quite a bit! I thought the old Devilman tv show existing in-universe was so fucking cool. And I’m glad Miki had more to do lol and the stuff w her and Miko added another layer—the manga rly only focuses on Ryo and Akira and yea Miki’s there but doesn’t get to be a character bc yk. 70s manga. So that was nice I liked her :) she’s my friend. And Ryo and Akira actually being childhood friends this time was p interesting. The stuff w the super high schooler being gay and Akira trying to get thru to him w that also was rly good imo

I think prolly my biggest criticism tonally is that, like…. wasn’t Ryo Asuka. He’s one of the most iconic chars ever so I think you rlyyyy need to get him right in order to pull devilman off and I don’t think show did! Idk I think Ryo was p cruel the whole time so when he regained his memories there wasn’t rly a shift. In the manga when Ryo outs Akira as a devilman on natl television it’s this sort of insane moment and it doesn’t hit as hard in Crybaby bc Ryo has just been clearly evil this whole time instead of legitimately not knowing/understanding his own nature. Like in the manga he does have this vague struggle against his instincts also when he Does remember it’s a deeply compelling moment of him looking at baby pics of himself and not recognizing them—I get why that can’t rly happen in Crybaby bc of the new context but it does just make that moment much less interesting. But yea idk Ryo was sorta acting like he had his memories back the whole time (which if that was the Choice being made I was willing to walk w it! I don’t think adaptations need to be identical to the source material if they’re doing smth new and effective) but he didn’t sooooooo that was disappointing

The ending still made me sad tho. Point there I suppose. Also were they tryna do an End of Evangelion thing w the Red Sea and purple sky beach thing and ryokira laying next to each other….? Fascinating. I mean that’s fun bc Evangelion was deeply influenced by Devilman (so much so that it’s on the Wikipedia lmfao). Anyway

ALSO. It wasn’t funny. One thing ab Devilman is that it’s lowkey so fucking funny and Crybaby was just kinda like dreary. Idk… it was fun ig but liiiiike I hope we get a proper devilman adaptation one day

PS yea the show was clearly purposefully gay but it’s a little nuts they cut the “you fell in love w Akira Fudo” moment and didn’t rly replace it w anything like ig that’s not rly needed but bro they put that shit there in 1973 you’d think a 2018 adaptation would do a lil more there lol

[j2zara]

for the ask game!! 📚 💭 👖

Sorry these took all day i've been out and Tired as hell but thank u!

📚 Do you read your own fic?

I try to not feel embarrassed that the answer is yeah bc like I think if other ppl reread their own work it would make sense!!!! Like I would not judge at all and honestly co-sign rereading ur own shit. I literally tell ppl that the reason I write is bc like. It’s basically the chance to craft your own perfectly tailored special interest to share with others. So like. Why wouldn’t I like it? (And this was especially true when I was trying to write original stuff which is why it’s so frustrating I never finish anything. But also a little true now too. This whole weird cloneverse was the product of my dumb thought experiment “what if the clones were people who had the capacity to be just as tragic as Jace). It’s got everything I like in it. I try to tell myself anyway. In practice it’s like. Argh.I kinda go through periods where I like. And this is usually after I JUST posted. Wanna do other things but end up distracting myself by rereading the thing I just made over and over. And then I forget it exists and often in my mind it’s like. Oh I don’t wanna read that i think bc I have residual feelings of like. Idk embarrassment I guess? Like I convince myself it’s old and probably bad but sometimes when I’m glancing at old things I write for. Refresher purposes (usually on cloneverse lol) I end up getting suckered back into rereading it like oh hey is this actually. Good?

Anything older I mostly haven’t looked at in a while bc idk. I’m very hard on my old self. I did reread my Reddie sky high au thing and went. Hm this is actually fun I like this. Most of my IT stuff is like. Ok I think? This is kinda related but I JUST got a comment on a talent swap I wrote for DR and I literally haven’t updated the thing since 2018 and I feel so bad for abandoning it but. Part of it is bc I think if I were to come back to it I would wanna redo some of the old chapters and I feel so pained looking at the early chapters. I keep telling myself I’ll get to it. My Mukuro and Hiro proxy sibling agenda deserves it, they deserve to be best friends so bad, I’m sad I abandoned them. 

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

This is such a funny question bc I’m such a goddamn blabbermouth so I feel pretty confident that I’ve already posted so much cringe abt the headcanons for cloneverse. Like. Technically J3’s personality started as a headcanon in that i was like “oh, Porter was flirting with J3 the entire time he was falling in love with J2”. 99% of the time if i feel compelled to say it i will just say it? Actually you know what? I just thought of one that might be kinda schmaltzy and i feel bad for not saying its a 100% certainty but in my heart Ankarna grants all the clones some form of true life but it would probably be some fucked genie deal where its like there’s a reincarnation au or something. Like they have to find each other again or something. Very Hadestown Orphydice anybody got a match coded. Genuinely b/c J4 wishes she was never Of Jace she gets what she wants and its like good/bad. Bc i can never stop putting the clones in the torment nexus I don’t know if that’s completely stupid

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

I try so hard to be a planner bc I’m so frustrated by my pantser process. Like. Idk i tend to just ride momentum but without foresight you end up going in directions that can be kinda formless and completely wrong and idk. I have such hard time finishing things b/c of this i think. But when I try to plan I’m also so bad at it i don’t think I’ve ever finished a real and true outline before I start. I want to be the kind of person that has clean outlines but. Idk. So by default I guess I’m a plantser bc I do have docs full of notes but my notes are always super messy and like. Idk what I’m doing evolves so much while I work that half the time the notes end up not even accurate to what I’m aiming for. Worst of both worlds life

[kuwdora]

Latest things meme... (Two posts in one day? Wonders never cease. Enjoy the ADHD flavor rambling below.)

Anyway, thank you always for the tag @kiriele!

Last song:

I have to again preface that most of my music consumption is for vid-related purposes these days.

I came across this hilarious meme that gave me my latest vid idea. It’s a photo of Paris Hilton picking out some ice cream treats, and overlaid on the treats are one Cassian Andor from Star Wars and John Silver from Black Sails. The captain reads “Actually, can I have five more of these [can’t escape the narrative] bitches?” And the OP writes “finally figured out why these two makes me so feral.”

I saw that and I felt like my third eye opened. Like. 🤯 Because there is a perfect thematic vid there showcasing these two’s specific struggles. Especially in the context of resisting an encroaching empire and and and... they really got sucked into the narrative and can't! fucking get out!! And then they end up believing in the cause (in their own ways) and ah ah ah...ahhhhh..

Okay that context being given, I went and spent all 5 minutes going “I need a song. I need a song for these two. Two sources, two voices? Maybe, maybe not. Male vocalist? Raging against the authority is punk, but I love mash-ups and pitting parallels and contrasts of with multiple musical sources. Wait, I already had a DJ artist who made this other mash-up I loved am going to use for a vid…surely he has something that could be… interesting or great for Cassian Andor and John Silver. Surely??”

Friends. Friends. Even those of you who don't know or care about vidding, this is just a sort of beautiful mini-nirvana moment when you discover the perfect song (especially so quickly).

BEHOLD. My Cassian Andor and John Silver vidsong that I may or may not make but you hear it first:

I can see the whole vid unfolding before my eyes. Frantically trying to download Black Sails and searching my 3 hard drives to make sure I had in fact nabbed Andor earlier for a different vid idea. Yet…I have so many other vid things in my queue and only so much hard drive space and brainRAM.

Currently watching:

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. I want to like it more than I do. I like elements of the characters, (La’An and Chapel are extremely compelling, Ethan Peck is bringing a great human cheekiness to his portrayal of Spock, Pike remains a great Space Dad) but there’s still something that’s not gelling fully with me. Which is sad because I am so on board with the more episodic angle again and some of the classic themes and motifs from TOS but it’s just…idk, I think I need a whole post to think aloud on it.

Currently reading:

Ahsoka by EK Johnston, Baptism of Fire by Andrzej Sapkowski. Almost done with Spin State by Chris Moriarty.

Currently obsessed with: Oh, I’m burbling with obsession…

In my reading I’m still losing my mind over how much I love Baptism of Fire. Milva sucker punching a peasant. Regis’ entrance to the narrative. ZOLTAN, sloppy drunk. Geralt dreaming of Ciri…Ciri dreaming of Geralt. 😭

Ahsoka learning how to pretend to be a Normal Twice-Orphaned Teenager. How do people interact outside wartime situations and executing battle strategy?? Honey… (I need to go look for some post-O66 Ahoska fic novels…)

ALSO!!! @dragneto has also infected me witcher fic idea that’s got me foaming at the mouth. I want to tackle the idea but I’m also dying to finish my WIP chapter first before I can play. I’m so obsessed with this ridiculously horny and sad idea.

I also have 4 vid ideas I’m chewing on like a rabid gremlin and it is definitely to the point of obsession. Mad that I won’t be able to follow through in the short or medium term…too much on the brain, lack of focus, stress from life stuff, other WIPs eating away at me.

Two Witcher ones vid ideas: my Phil vid…she’s so bad, I love her. Sexy song, lots of bad. And I am revisiting an old pan-canon humor/thirst/thematic vid about Geralt… Which is more about how the characters see him.

Then I got my Star Wars Rebels idea which I’m having technical problems that’s keeping me from starting.

…And then this Andor/Black Sails thing…

tagging @deerna and @danegen and @shetiger and @simuran and @whatkindofnameisvolta ...and anyone else who wants to go.

[metagalacticx]

i woke up two days ago and said okay today i will be normal

so i opened the email app and i tried to log in to check my email but then everything just felt bad weird wrong lol

couldn’t do it

anyway i still haven’t done it

i want to, it would be nice to see what i’m sure’s only good or at the very least neutral things there

anyway i still can’t read and idk why it’s been so hard like they’re words on a page you useless eel get over it

but i think maybe it has something to do with the ao3 thing in november, which i didn’t think affected me that much but maybe it did i guess because if it involves a fic i just cannot cannot process it at all

anyway here’s me over sharing for the first time in february yay

also i wanted to draw (very briefly but it happened!) yesterday and i didn’t, which lmao it was really nice feeling compelled to pickkkk upppp a pencillll but then i didn’t

and idk i don’t feel sad about that bc before last february i hadn’t drawn anything for three years lol so it’s been what a month? two? maybe four considering that’s the last time i drew something i actually wanted to from start to finish? this is fine

[supnerds]

NINTH! have u watched anything new recently that you liked? or supremely disliked?

okay so I was holding off on answering this until after my exam this morning but then I woke up sick as a dog so now this is my consolation prize.

Anyway!! Let me tell you the wonders of one of the latest shows I’ve watched: Parallel World Pharmacy, aka Isekai Yakkyoku!

so side note I’m coming back to this after finishing typing the whole thing and holy wow I went on a bit of a ramble. Idk how to put things under a “read more” on mobile so this is your only warning :)

Our main character is a research pharmacist, who works hard to discover new drugs to benefit patients. However he realizes too late that he misses working with real patients - the main reason why he became a pharmacist. Unfortunately, our dude dies from overworking because setting healthy limits for ourselves is so last century.

Surprise surprise however - he doesn’t go to the afterlife or whatnot - instead he wakes up in the body of Pharma de Medicis, a ten year old boy who is the son of the head pharmacist in a medieval fantasy world (listen I know how it sounds stick with me)

Part of this world’s mechanics are that nobles are distinct from commoners by the fact that they are able to wield a specific element (hello atla). Before our dude moved in, Pharma had previously only been able to create water (these nobles can wield one of the four elements, and only in a create or destruct way - never both and never more than one). Somehow, Pharma 2.0 now has the ability to create and destroy any element he can think of (hello 21 century knowledge) and uses his knowledge of chemical structures to create medications to help those around him. Through reasons, he is able to open the first pharmacy for nobles and commoners alike, and quickly grows in popularity.

Okay so now for my thoughts on the whole thing. I’m gonna be honest, the main reason I clicked on it was because the title said pharmacy and I am actually currently in pharmacy school. I may have gotten a wee bit excited that there was an anime out there focused on my career path (because let’s be honest have you ever seen anything about pharmacy? they say pharmacy is a small world and they are absolutely correct). As I was watching, Pharma actually consistently used accurate treatments for all the conditions he finds which was so exciting for me. I remember there was one episode where a person had tuberculosis - I only learned about the treatments for that sometime last year and the anime got it all right, down to even the chemical structure. So yeah on that hand it’s super cool for me.

One potential drawback - my man Pharma is ridiculously OP, and consistently continues to get more so. I actually looked up the manga after finishing the anime and the manga does a better job of actually showing him get tired and hitting his limits (which was a great callback to you know HOW HE DIED IN THE FIRST PLACE) but still. There’s an amusing bit with some characters who believe him to be an incarnation of the God of Medicine (which the further we get into the story the more likely it seems) and keeps hinting that he may not have much longer in this world for all the power he has, which would be nice to see as a limiter on how much he can do. The story does show how Terrifying he can be with access to so much power, which is also really cool

Story-wise, I found the whole thing pretty compelling. Again I may be biased re: the whole pharmacy thing, but I honestly really enjoyed the whole thing. Another drawback - really long times between updates, or maybe just for English translations. It’s been at least 2 months since the last chapter was posted, which yes not that long but also I want more

also the overall style is just absolutely amazing I love the art and backgrounds etc so here have a few more pics

Overall I think it was a really good show/manga, though if I had to pick between the two I’d go with the manga largely due to just how much More there is and for actually giving him limits and such.

lol that got a lot longer than I thought it would. thanks for letting me ramble!

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[darthnell]

ME TOO im losing my mind about it a little bit (a lot)..

District 2 is such a Place for real… it compels me

Iago loves her ;-; does Not give a shit about the murder! Jdjdsjs

This would’ve always been hard on poor Agate ;-;

Iago was terrified for real ;-; hes not the type to show it like ever but. Ven can tell..

Ven will spend the next many years imagining how she can insert percy and mari into her life at home ;-;

New phone yeah ! :D ALMOST THE SAME LEVEL OF VIOLENCE LMFAO…

Yeah.. percys moms probably have Not cleared out his bedroom.. maybe academy room but.

Ha ha ha… yeah Iago has not forgiven Oberon. Honestly idk if that mf has forgiven Percy for almost killing him at the tournament.. not that he would Say that out loud. Many fun dynamics to explore (: surely this wont be a problem later…!

Venatrix casually dunking her prosthetic into the Trash~

Haha yeah! Thats why she has the charisma of a rock NDSKJSKS.. i also love names so much theyre so fun <3

Ven needs some therapy for real :c

Who me? Wolf references? Neeeeverrrr… awooo… but yeah that was such a fun plot point that made me evil laugh.. (pokes oberon) oh so you are breaking the rules and doing everything in your power to give your daughter an advantage? No sponsor gift for you. Evil man. >:D

Insert that one tweet thats like “moment of silence for everyone whos just like their dad but a girl”

Shout out to continuing the cycle of violence!!! Shout out to victors and especially career victors enforcing the cycle of violence that they were victims of!!! Haha i love it here !

LMAO yeah i mentioned them getting ice cream way pack in part I but i never gave the place a name so i was like. Well i have to make it funny now. But yeah d2 having a specific ice cream flavor for winning the death pageant is SO on brand ckxkdk

The good thing about being really popular and having a reputation of being kind of insane is u can just say shit like that and theyll love you

Yeah friends!!! Now Agate can memorialize all of her dead friends in marble!!! Yay!

Thats a good guess… youll find out officially in like a week but. Rest assured the last scene/chapter makes me Unwell ♥️

Thank you friend ♥️♥️♥️ it’s been so nice to have you along for the ride these past few chapters!! I’m absolutely emo about finishing this thing up and I’m so not ready for it to end.. but it must ;-; such is the way of things… thank you again for the comments and support it’s been really nice to hear from you !! 🫶

Chapter 69: Where I End and Begin

The Victor returns home. It's not how she left it, but then again, neither is she.

[kindaconfusingme]

Since it's the end of november, I thought I'd give an update on my reading for the Autumn Reading Challenge 2.0 :)

I am working on a few other prompts atm so I think I will be through kind of soon. I have decided to pick books I already own for all of these so I can use this challenge as motivation to reduce my tbr. I fear this post will be kind of long so be prepared :D

Number in the title: Million Girl Vol.1-3 by Kotori Momoyuki

I read the 1rst and 2nd volume of this years ago when I was a teenager and bought vol 3 secondhand for this challenge bc I always wanted to finish it. It’s about a girl at a very elite high school who finds out that her family owes a lot of money to the yakuza. To repay them, she enters the Money Game that is established at her school, which consists of multiple rounds of competing against different opponents in different challenges, cheating is allowed. While I enjoyed the atmosphere and the reading experience, I’m not the biggest fan of anything beyond the first volume. It gets a little absurd and one does not get the chance to solve the mysteries of the rounds alongside the protagonist, which I would’ve liked to try.

Book with riddles: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

I love the movie, so I hoped to like the book as well. Sadly, I was disappointed :(

I think one of the problems with it was the pacing, because a lot of the moments that are essential for the plot and should be interesting to read are just really hard to transfer to written text (while looking cool on screen). It’s not that interesting to hear Wade talk about how he has to beat a Pacman-high score. Moments like these were either boring to listen to (audiobook) or skipped over by the author, the latter option being weird as well because some of these moments were quite important. I also found Wade to be pretty annoying and full of himself. I think he compensated a lot of his low self esteem by feeling like the absolute best at knowing niche pop culture details. I kind of relate to that bc my self-esteem is held up by similar things, but I would like to think that I am not as insufferable. Or maybe I am but nobody notices bc nobody can read my thoughts. And I had to listen to Wade’s through the whole book, which made me want to scream sometimes. Artemis was pretty cool, but I felt like a lot of her character was the way it was to make sure she’s the ideal girl that lonely gamer guys wish to meet somewhen (spoken in cliches, I don’t want to shame lonely gamer guys in general here). I guess you can read this book either as a homage to 80s pop culture and be happy about a virtual reality adventure or it reads as a slightly problematic self-insert. … Idk, the book had its moments but ultimately it was a bit of a letdown. I will stick to the movie. And I still love the premise of this story a lot.

Nostalgic read: Sieben Pfoten für Penny – Freiheit für einen Delfin by Thomas Brezina

This book is part of a large series of books about a teenage girl named Penny who gets involved in different stories with animals that usually need saving. Like Flipper 2, the dolphin this book is about – or rather: Should be about. The story of saving this dolphin would be enough to tell a compelling story, if it was detailed enough. Instead, a lot of different side plots get introduced and solved within a few scenes and everything just felt rushed, mismatched and weird. I wondered whether that was because I am reading this as an adult now or if it was because of the way it was written and I landed on the latter since I read plenty of children’s books as an adult that I enjoyed a lot.

Nonfiction: Interest and Investment in fictional Romances (van Monsjou & Mar, 2019)

I stumbled upon this study while researching for my thesis and downloaded it bc boy oh boy am I myself invested in fictional romances – so why not find out what science says about it. I will not go into detail here bc there are too many tiny findings for that, but I was expecting what the authors were expecting as well: That high involvement in fictional romances compensates one’s one loneliness/dissatisfaction with love life and correlates with attachment anxiety. Interestingly enough, the attachment anxiety part was more or less there (they listed some statistically insignificant findings as well though and I don’t remember whether this was one of them and I also don’t remember whether it was found in all studies that included the attachment anxiety measurement). The loneliness/dissatisfaction thing was not found, instead people who were more interested in fictional romances seemed to use those as an exploration for their own romantic wishes – which makes sense, I guess. It is to be said though that the sample was taken from people who were not very involved in fandom over all, only a slight number of participants read or wrote fanfiction for example. As well as the authors, I do think that in a sample that consists of people who are actually involved in shipping and stuff, the results could be more consistent with the expectations, because I do think there is a big difference in the reasons for enjoying the chemistry of a fictional couple casually and being extremely invested in a fictional couple to the point of obsession. Therefore, I’d like to read follow-up studies that have these samples; so far, I have not seen these anywhere.

[novamirmirsblog]

I am not a woman, I'm a God (17+)

If I can't have love I want power pt 2

If I can't have love masterlist

Word Count: 1640

Genre: dark I guess?

Request: no

Warnings: none? (atm anyways)

A/N: I'm not too happy with this chapter so it's subject to change BUT the next couple chapters should pick things up a little :3 OH and the next chapter might contain smut (Idk yet - I'll try to edit this when I've written the next chapter)

1737 - The middle

The revenge was sweet and drawn out. The redhead and her long-time friend had made sure of that. They let you finish the duke off but not before they had their fun. The two women were gorgeous, both with red hair that would make any woman jealous. The green-eyed woman had hair like a wildfire and the blue-eyed woman had hair the colour of a deep red sunset. Liking women was wrong but you weren’t sure these two counted as women – they certainly weren’t human. Wanda, the one with sunset hair, tortured your husband mentally, angry whisps the same colour as Natasha’s hair crawled in through his ears and buried themselves deep within his brain. While this was happening, Natasha was peeling layer after layer of skin off him with her razor-sharp nails. You weren’t sure if you could even call them nails – not when they looked so much more like claws. While Wanda was exploiting your husband’s deepest darkest fears, Natasha was calmly explaining to you which tools to use where so you could cause the most pain. Apparently pain and torture was an aphrodisiac for them because the two demons decided to show you what you had been missing out on due to your husband’s lack of skill.

That was almost 200 years ago. Wanda and Natasha had given you great gifts, allowing you to have a much longer life, giving you cat-like reflexes and godlike powers. Perhaps your favourite was the enhancements they gave to your voice. People were suddenly compelled to do whatever you suggested they do and the rush it gave you was unexplainable. These gifts were not free however and yet the price was one you willingly paid repeatedly. Especially because it meant spending extra time with your two favourite demons. You were there to cause chaos and have fun which was ironic considering Wanda was a chaos demon and Natasha was a succubus but perhaps that’s why you did what you did. Perhaps it was because you were made by them and therefore must serve them in every way imaginable.

~~~~~

You had watched your siblings grow from afar and made sure every single villager who ever even looked at them wrong suffered. When you were with Wanda and Natasha, it felt as if everything just fit into place. It was strange and you felt as if you shouldn’t miss them – they killed and tortured your husband in front of you, gave you gifts that meant you couldn’t live a normal life and coerced you into sex that you weren’t sure you wanted; yet you still wanted them.

Your story was told countless times and the more times it was told, the deeper the truth was twisted into a legend, a tale mothers told their children to keep them away from the forests late at night. You were turned into a martyr, a victim of the horrible cruelties the evil creatures of the world could bestow onto innocent girls.

You were anything but.

If the storytellers could see you now, they would burn all mentions of your story. You were a problem child, a bad example and you had two of the most powerful demons wrapped around your little finger.

A few years ago, you had mentioned to Natasha and Wanda one evening that you were bored. That’s how you found yourself currently being shot at.

“Natty I’m bored.” You whined, throwing yourself dramatically over the bed. History was going through a dry spell; people weren’t doing anything interesting and there weren’t enough opportunities for you to wreak havoc.

“Natty” Wanda mocked “Our princess is bored.”

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” Natasha moved to hover over you, Wanda placed your head in her lap. Natasha’s tail flicked with a cat-like manner before it slithered between your legs.

You grabbed her tail and she let out a moan “Not now Natasha. I’m serious. If I knew living forever was going to be this boring, then I wouldn’t have done it.” That wasn’t quite true, you enjoyed being theirs to use but you were getting restless.

Natasha rolled her eyes, leaning up to kiss Wanda instead. You waited a few moments for the two demons to stop their make-out session, but it didn’t look to be ending any time soon. You rolled out from underneath Natasha and untangled Wanda’s fingers from where she was massaging your scalp.

“Awe come back baby.” Wanda broke the kiss and made grabby arms at you. For a supposed demon, she sure was soft. “I promise we’ll make things more fun.”

Natasha rolled her eyes again “You’ve gone soft Wands.” Although Natasha huffed and puffed about how ‘soft’ Wanda had gotten, she seemed to have a slightly less hardened heart when she looked at you.

You were no longer bored but you were being shot at and while it couldn’t kill you, it sure did sting. Perhaps going after Dick Turpin’s loot was a bad idea but what can you say? You wanted to live a little. All you had wanted was a pretty horse you had seen him steal but nooo – he had to keep them all for himself. You had managed to escape Mr Turpin himself but one of his lackeys just wouldn’t give up. Rather than continuing to run, you decided you may as well get a quick meal.

“Hello darling.” Your voice echoed from all around, you watched as the man trying to kill you frantically whipped his head around.

“Who are you? Come out now!”

You let out a low, predatory chuckle.

“I’m the poor little martyr in all your stories.”

“No. You can’t be- that’s impossible! You should be dead!” You watched as the man continued to spin around and around in circles, watching him trip before revealing yourself.

“I am ancient. I have seen empires rise and fall. I have seen kings and queens and holy men enter the world and I have seen them leave; and yet I am nowhere near as old or as powerful as the women who made me the person I am today. While I watched preestablished civilisations crumble, they were reminiscing the time they created them, all while burning them to the ground. Some call me the end but they are mistaken. They are the end. I am your warning. I am the only kindness they will show you. Trivial things such as death do not concern me.” As you finished your speech, Natasha and Wanda’s comforting aura surrounded you, the dark mist embracing you before forming the two women.

“Couldn’t let you have all the fun now could we dove?” Natasha’s voice rumbled out against your neck, biting it lightly.

“You have to share.” Wanda cooed, lifting your chin up to face her as she captured your lips with hers.

The idiot who you were about to kill and feed on decided now was a good time to make their escape. Luckily, Wanda had other plans as her red magic bought the squirming meal back to you.

“Go away. I want to eat. It’s been so long.” You pouted, making your way back to your meal. It was a little annoying that to continue living in your young body that you had to drain the soul from another person, but it was worth it.

“But if we leave then who’s going to do all the heavy lifting?”

“And who will dig the hole in your garden?”

“Or put the body in the hole?”

“Or-”

“Okay! I get it. Fine. But just hush, okay? I like to eat in peace.” You grabbed the man and kissed him hard, feeling his soul merge with yours before it was consumed by the darkness.

“I don’t know why you always have to kiss them to feed” Natasha bit out, moving away from you with Wanda, voicing her unhappiness at you kissing someone else when only she should be kissing you- her and maybe Wanda.

“Well, it wasn’t me who made her feed that way.” Wanda whispered back

“Are you suggesting this is my fault?” Natasha’s voice got low and dangerous, and you felt the forest drop about 10 degrees.

“Well that’s how you feed isn’t it?” Wanda’s eyes glowed and a wind picked up.

You pulled away from your meal, the faint glow of his soul swirling around your mouth and eyes. “Want to share?” The forest rose back to its original temperature and climate as Natasha kissed you, absorbing small remnants of the soul. Wanda wrapped one arm around your waist while the other snaked up to your neck, her teeth lightly biting and sucking along your shoulders.

“I think you forget dove” Natasha broke the kiss to growl at you

“We’re in charge here. If we wanted to share, then we would share.” Wanda finished off for her.

It dawned on you that perhaps this was about more than just the meal. They were jealous.

“Are you two jealous?” You laughed, not at the situation but at their reactions. Wanda bit you harder and Natasha just glared at you.

“Of course not. Why would we be jealous of some silly insignificant dum-”

“Baby…” You reached up and placed one hand lightly on Wanda’s horn and the other on Natasha’s cheek, effectively stopping Natasha’s rant about how unjealous they are. Wanda moved from where she was standing behind you to stand next to Natasha. “You both know that if I could live off Demon energy then I would, but I can’t.”

Natasha and Wanda shared a look, having a silent conversation in the space of seconds before turning their attention back to you. “That’s not necessarily true love.” Wanda said.

“It will be painful but…well demons aren’t born. They’re made.” Natasha explained.

“And if you wanted to…”

You didn’t even hesitate before giving your answer. “Yes.”

Taglist:

@lucydiibi

[manny-jacinto]

just finished jedi fallen order! and have to scream about it! but first, i feel kind of empty now that i have ;-; because it was such a great game. i get why you said you wish you could play it for the first time again. first things first, order 66. how fucking dare they 😭🥺 that whole sequence with his master and him breaking his lightsaber and the journey to fix it was very emotional for me and it literally made me tear up. idk i think it was resonating with myself and it was the first game that made me cry so 🥺 something about finding yourself and your destiny and this found family, which also had engaging stories. it was so well told. and idk if it was me but this game had tomb raider aspects and tomb raider is my fave so i was very happy! also the fights were hard. idk if that was because i haven't gamed in a year or what. i still played on jedi master though and it was satisfying when i /finally/ won esp against trilla lol. not sure i want to try jedi knight i will literally go insane. BUT OMG THE ENDING FJGHF I WAS SO SCARED LOL. I WILL DIE FOR BD1. THE BESTEST DROID. when he tried to help me with vader fjghjf. but can we talk about how bd's memories were restored by the trusted connection that is cal and how much they care for each other 🥺 i fell deep for this game. now i'm watching playthroughs of people to relive it in that way. i'm glad i at least have a shorter wait for the next one! im so excited!! just wanted to know what was some of your favorite things about the game?

omg i’m so happy you loved it nonnie 🥺 i’m not a big gamer myself but i think you can feel it’s a great game because of the compelling story and the well fleshed characters 💕 i played it twice. the first time i wanted to finish everything quickly and then the second time i had the loveliest time as i took my time to unblock all the artefacts, lightsabers parts and skins. each time felt special 😭 

my favorite thing was being able to customise your lightsaber and unblocking all the different lightsaber moves because i love the ZOOMS and the shhhrrrkkkk glowing sticks so much!! i also loved cal’s story towards healing overwhole. when that order 66 cut popped up on my TV, i knew it was going to destroy me on a spiritual level and boy it did 🙃 baby padawan cal saw his master getting murdered by the people he trusted the most. he probably was so confused and lost and angry but he managed to remain on the jedi way, being a sweet soft boi, wether it was people or droids 🥺 isk cal kestis deserves the world goodbye  

[deanzboyfriend]

Boss Dad™️

[Not edited]

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Summary: We love when you have an overprotective dad that just so happens to also be your boyfriend’s boss

Pairing: Hotch x son!reader, Spencer Reid x male!reader, Jemily

Requested by anon: “Hi, I wanted to know if you could do a Dr. Reid x male reader, where the reader is Hotch’s son, and his father became kinda overprotective since his mother was killed (Idk if it’s right, my English is not that good)”

⚠Warnings⚠ Slight angst, Spence fluff, overprotective dad! Hotch, Spence comforts reader, bad writing, spoilers, I think that’s all

a/n: this is my first x male reader, and I loved writing this, so thank you anon. Also, apologies if the spacing gets weird, I wrote this in my notes and just copied and pasted lol. 

All of Y/N’s life, he’s had certain...troubles in his relationships. It’s not that he has any trouble finding partners, no, it’s more of my-dad-is-an-overprotective-profiler kind of problem. Ya see he loves his dad, that’s the unquestionable thing. But his dad is, as mentioned before, very protective of his eldest son. Especially after what happened to Haley. He couldn't stand to lose another person he loved.

So he was always wary when Y/N brought someone home. Always ended in the same way. They’d get scared away by getting their secrets exposed and when they left he’d say something along the lines of, “I didn’t like them.” with nothing else.

Now after a certain point, Y/N got tired of trying to reason with his dad. So he just gave up on dating. Until he met a certain Doctor Spencer Reid.

Spencer was a light in his life. The person he never knew he’d been dreaming of. Spencer filled in every empty feeling Y/N ever had. They were quite a pair.

Y/N was studying social sciences and psychology, so he had quite a bit on his plate, and Spencer was out on cases a lot. So the number of official dates they had was slim, but their love for each other wasn’t any different. Hotch had only recently discovered their relationship. And boy was he not happy. He tried to not express it or take it out on YN, but Y/N knows Hotch better than anyone. He could tell it was eating at him, and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“I should visit dad at the BAU. He didn’t bring a lunch anyway so I might as well bring him something...plus I get to surprise Spence.” Y/N mumbled, smiling to himself at the thought. He had a couple of days off school, so he decided to spend them with Jack and his dad. ”He did mention today was a paperwork day, so I shouldn't have to worry about him being out of town.” He said to himself as he grabbed his keys.

One drive to the BAU later, Y/N gets out of his car and makes his way to the entrance. He goes in and pulls out his visitor’s pass that he received from his dad. The security team there knew him pretty well, he visited a lot when he had free days. “Heya Mark, how are the kids?” Y/N asked as he waited for his bag to be checked. “Oh! Andrea got the lead in the school’s play, and she wanted me to thank you for helping her rehearse her lines. Micah is doing just fine, he enjoys soccer practice.” Y/N smiled as he grabbed his bag. “Be sure to tell me about any of Andrea’s performances or Micah’s games!”

“Will do!”

Y/N laughed as he walked towards the elevator. He presses the button for floor six and takes a breath as the elevator ascends. He finally reached the correct floor, and couldn't help but smile as he strolled towards the bullpen, where he immediately sighted Emily. ”Y/N! My favorite Hotchner! How have you been?”

”Oh please Emily we all know that Jack is the favorite Hotchner.” Y/N chuckled and hugged her. ”I’ve been alright, but school is kicking my ass, as usual. How are you and JJ?” Emily smiles warmly at his question. ”Amazing. We just finished unpacking the rest of JJ’s boxes yesterday. She’s officially moved in!”

”I’m so happy for you guys! Anyway, is my dad in his office?” Emily glanced towards Hotch’s door. ”Yep! Where else would he be?” The two laughed together before Y/N said his goodbye and started his trek to his dad's office. He knocked on the door and opened it after hearing a small ”come in” from the other side. Aaron looked up from the file he was working on to see who was at the door. ”Y/N? What're you doing here?” Y/N closed the door. ”Well, I did come here to see you, but I also brought you the lunch you probably didn't realize you left.” Y/N walked over and put the food on Aaron’s desk. The door opened again, and this time, it was Spencer.

“Hey Hotch, I had a question about- Y/N?” Spencer examined him in surprise, not anticipating him to be in his dad’s office. ”Heya Spence.” Y/N grinned, walking to him and engulfing him in a hug. Hotch couldn't help but slightly grimace at the exchange. Y/N saw this, making him wither a bit. Spencer noticed. ”Um- Spence- why don't you meet me in the break room and we can talk a bit over a cup of coffee, yeah?” Spencer pulled away from him, looked into his eyes, gave his hand a small squeeze, and walked out.

Y/N let out a sigh. ”Y/N. You know how I feel about this. You know how our work is- it's dangerous-” Y/N cut him off to finish the statement. ”- because it can compel the unsubs to come after me to get to him. I know.” Y/N looked over at his dad. “Which is exactly why-“

“No, dad.” Aaron was taken aback. “Is that the only reason you don’t like me being with Spencer? Dad, just me being your son puts me in danger. Being friends with the whole BAU team puts me at risk. No, that’s not the real reason, because if that were the case, you would’ve never shown me to the team at all.”  Y/N stood his ground, holding in his pending tears as he tried to stay calm. ”Spencer makes me feel safe. He takes care of me. The only reason you don't want us to be a thing is that you're scared that I'll leave and what happened to mom will repeat itself!” Y/N took a shaky breath in, storming out the door with tears running down his face. He knew he went too far, but right now all he needed was Spencer.

Y/N hurried his way to the break room to avoid being seen by anyone in the bullpen.  Y/N strolled into the break room, where Spencer had just finished making them both coffee. Spencer looked over to him and his smile immediately turned into a look of worry. ”Y/N what’s-” He was cut off by the strong hug that was given to him. He instantly returned the embrace, gently rubbing Y/N’s back and giving him a forehead kiss as a form of comfort. Y/N eventually settled down and moved back from Spencer a bit. ”Can we- you think you can afford to postpone your paperwork for a bit babe? I kinda just-  I need to talk about this with you.” Spencer moved some hair out of Y/N’s face. He pecked his lips and gently grabbed Y/N’s hand. ”Ok, my love.”

-Meanwhile, in the office of big boss dad-

Hotch did not expect that to say the least. He knew Y/N would be upset, but he didn't think he would have lashed out as he did. When he watched Y/N slam the door on him, the weight of what was said hit him. Y/N thought he didn’t trust him? Thought that he didn’t want him to be happy? That’s the opposite of what he wanted. He wanted nothing but the best for his oldest son. He had to think to himself for a while. Was he doing the right thing? Or was he just trying to keep history from repeating itself?

“I was too hard on him...he’s a grown adult, he can make his own decisions.” Hotch thought out loud. He sighed.

He needed to talk with Y/N. Hotch walked out of his office, surprising everyone in the bullpen, as he rarely came out of his office on a paperwork day. He made his way to the break room and was about to say something when he heard Y/N talking.

”Spence I just- I don't know what to do. I don't know why he's so hesitant to let us be a thing I mean- I wouldn't be as upset if it were anyone else but- it's you. He knows you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me- especially after- especially after what happened to mom. I just- I don't want to lose you.” Hotch heard it all. He watched as Spencer easily calmed him down. He saw the love as the two looked at each other. He knew he was mistaken. He had to fix it.

        -6:30 pm, Hotchner household-

Aaron returns from work, take-out food in his hands. As soon as he sets the bags on the dinner table, Jack comes running. ”Daddy!” Aaron smiles as he scoops up his son into his arms. Y/N walks towards the table and looks at his dad. ”Hey Jack, why don't you go play in your room for a few more minutes while Y/N and I set up the food ok?” Aaron set jack back down on the floor and ruffled his hair. ”Ok!” Jack ran upstairs, leaving Aaron and Y/N alone.

”Y/N I-” ”Dad I-” They both started. Aaron sighed and made eye contact with Y/N. ”Listen, dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so mad at you, and I know I went too far with what I said about mom. I know you have your reasons and-” ”Y/N. It's ok. Aaron cut him off, putting a hand on his shoulder. ”I know that I've been hard on you when it comes to you dating- especially after Haley...but I realized this today. First of all, you're a grown man now. I should let you date who you want to. I trust you, and I know that you can take care of yourself. And another thing, I realized how good Spencer is for you. While I shouldn't have been spying on you two, I saw how comfortable and safe you felt with him. I saw love between the two of you. I would never wish to be the reason you are kept from your happiness. So, you have every right to stay with him.”

Y/N had tears in his eyes. ”You mean it?” He asked. ”Yes, completely.” Y/N got closer and tightly hugged his dad. ”Thank you...” He mumbled into his dad’s shirt.

They sat there for a bit, just comfortably embracing one another. ”Who knew big scary boss dad could be so soft?” Y/N remarked, getting a laugh from both of them. ”Anyway, let's get the food set up for real before Jack comes back.”

That night, Y/N texted Spencer, saying all was well.

[grittyreadsfic]

hello my friends, one singular person asked for this weeks ago so i’m here with my most unhinged rec list yet: tk and nolan.

now, this one was hard to reign in, so i really didn’t. this pairing had maybe 230 fics in the tag when i first started reading hockey fic, and it’s now over 900, and i’ve read far too many of them, and that makes it so hard to parse it down. so i just...didn't!

so with that said, please enjoy so you want to get into tknp: a beginners guide to a classic case of idiots to lovers

i told myself that i couldn’t rec an author’s entire body of work but then i remembered this is my blog and i do what i want, so i did some consolidating. here’s a list of the quintessential authors for this pairing, you can start at any of their profiles and pick any of their fics at random, and it’ll be one of the best ones for the pairing, hands down.

therainbowsedge: i’d start with the summer camp fic, or the sex toys one, as both beautifully capture the true idiots to lovers nature of this pairing, but just top tier writing all around

manybumblebees: the wedding fic is so tender and port stanley is a classic, but literally pick any single fic and you’ll have a perfect tknp fic. i’m not kidding

jamesvanriemsdick: their tknp fics in their series are some of the hidden gems of this pairing (the tk heartbeat fic makes me LOSE it) but the delaware fic or the seattle fic…..there’s really something for every mood

catchascatchcan: start with era of gods because i could write literal essays on how it’s some of the best fantasy worldbuilding i’ve ever read, but then just read everything else on their account, including non tknp fics. you won’t regret it

hackysack: ao3 user hackysack has written one of two timeloop fics that i absolutely adore, and i thought about just calling that one out in particular, but all of their work deserves the attention

canary: nothing to prove was the first tknp fic i ever read and i was immediately hooked. all of their fics are a good starting place for the pairing, and just really give you a feeling for the pairing

and now, for the fic recs!

to be, despite it all by smudgedfreckles

summary: or, nolan patrick’s gender thesis, by travis konecny.

why i love it: there’s not a lot ofo nonbinary characters in media, even in fic, but this fic’s treatment of nolan and their path to figuring out their gender just feels so real and made me feel so seen. tk’s characterization is also just top notch, and it’s just a super sweet story about two people who love each other

last ones standing by makeit_takeit

summary: If you’re committed to finding your future spouse, reads the last line of the ad, and are ready to look at yourself and your love life in a whole new way, apply now.

At the bottom of the ad there’s a link, and Travis finds his finger hovering over the screen, lip still caught between his teeth.

“I mean,” he says very reasonably, speaking out loud to his empty apartment like some sort of possibly-crazy person, “just applying doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I just fill it out, and see what happens. It’s not like I’m really gonna get picked to be on TV, come on.”

He snorts out loud, just to show his apartment he hasn’t lost his grip on reality or anything; he fully understands how ludicrous that would be.

Then he clicks the link anyway, because yolo or whatever.

why i love it: what part of a married at first sight fic doesn’t make you want to immediately dive right in? the concept is fun, the execution is absolutely flawless, and it captures their dynamic so well while letting it develop naturally

motivation by connectknee

summary: Kevin knows when to back off, the article said. He knows just when to shut up and leave Patty alone, something Travis has never known how to do.

why i love it: the thing i love about this pairing is that tk is loud and in your face, and nolan’s more reserved, a little quieter, a little harder to read. this fic does a really great job of exploring how tk could feel like maybe he’s just a bit too much and is one of my favorites in terms of miscommunication

a tenderness grows by rusesdeguerre

summary: Nolan wouldn’t say that landing a job as the Philadelphia Flyers’ psychotic and probably clinically insane mascot was a childhood dream of his. Maybe tangentially: playing pond hockey in –30°C weather and pretending to be Sidney Crosby is practically a rite of passage when you grow up in Manitoba. That, and experiencing the distinct displeasure that is thousands of mosquitoes sucking your blood out when your father drags you on a father-son camping trip into the backwoods of the northern Canadian Prairies.

why i love it: this was the first fic i recced on this blog, and i stand by that decision. a fic where nolan is not only not a hockey player, but is in fact the person in the gritty suit? absolutely perfect, and so charming from start to finish

meet me at my window by springsteen

summary: Travis has lived in Philadelphia for a few years now, long enough to know there isn’t a major city in America where superheroes don’t destroy an entire city block trying to save humanity or whatever. He can deal with all the super-shit, but Travis did not sign up for getting woken up from a deep sleep because some fucker’s trying to break in through his window.

(5 times the super-villain known as "The Cat" breaks into Travis's apartment, plus 1 time Travis invites him in.)

why i love it: there’s a lot of things to love here, but the concept is just absolutely one of my all time favorite aus ever. it’s fun and charming and the perfect glimpse into a world where heroes and villains exist, and what it’s like just to be a run of the mill kind of guy existing in it. tk and nolan’s back and forth in this make it so engaging, and it’s such a top tier fic

body’s in trouble by cloudsandpassingevents

summary: “Oh, sorry,” someone says. “Didn’t know anyone else was here.”

Nolan freezes, then turns around very slowly. When he looks up, Nicklas fucking Backstrom is standing behind him in a hoodie and baggy sweats, holding the biggest bag of Swedish Fish Nolan’s ever seen in his life in one hand.

“Uh,” Nolan says around the pop tart between his teeth. “Yeah.”

What the fuck, his brain helpfully supplies.

why i love it: from nolan’s inner voice, to the way the author explores all the dynamics within the team, to the way they write the unexpected but actually, it kind of makes sense friendship between nolan and backstrom, is just absolutely fantastic. there’s a lot of moments that circle back and build on each other in a way that really just makes it super compelling

rhizomatic foundations by lighthousetowers

summary: Twenty days after he moves in with Kevin Hayes, twenty days – three months, five months, depending on how you look at it – after not talking to TK, TK shows up at the front door with a plant the size of a basketball in his hands.

TK grins. "Patty, meet Reginald." He lifts up the plant. "Reggie, meet Patty. He's going to be your new - caretaker."

"What the fuck," says Nolan, not moving a single muscle.

Or: That Nolan can hear the plant talk might as well just happen.

why i love it: this is probably my favorite magical realism fic just about ever. it’s fun and charming and a little weird, but in the best possible way. there’s such a wonderful narrative in it, and lighthousetowers always has such beautiful writing, and it really shines in this one. the dialogue and nolan’s characterization are also part of what set it apart for me as one of the best tknp fics

in the dark of any town by mengetpegged

summary: If the voice has an accent at all, it’s a flat prairie Canadian, with none of G’s French-Canadian softness at the edges. But mostly, the accent is just ‘pissed off,’ which TK believes is a default setting for ghosts.

“Who are you?” TK asks, and he doesn’t like how strained his voice sounds, doesn’t like the tinge of anxiety tinting the rise of his question. He tries to regulate his breaths—in through his nose, hold, out through his mouth—but it feels like he’s not getting enough oxygen, which makes him panic even more.

“Someone with a fucking migraine, dickhead,” the voice says. “So keep the lights off and shut the hell up.”

(or: Nolan Patrick, Hotel X Ghost)

why i love it: i’m usually not super into ghost fics, both the spooky kind and the nonspooky kind, but this one is a rare exception. it’s charming and fun and tender and it’s got some of, in my opinion, the best characterization of tk and nolan in any fic. the way the author writes their dynamic and their dialogue is just unmatched

lets_make_this_moment_a_crime.mp3 by honeydripping

summary: Travis meets Nolan at a Midtown show in 2002 when he punches Nolan in the face. He can’t help it, “Like A Movie” just goes off.

But he does feel guilty about it.

or

TK and Patty work at a bakery together. They go to punk shows to pass the time.

why i love it: idk if anyone asked for an early 2000s emo/punk/alt au but wow! i sure am glad it exists! really the vibes of this fic, as silly as that sounds, are absolutely unmatched. i love the structure with the music, the development of their relationship, and just everything about how the author wrote the setting (there’s this whole thing with tattoos in it that makes me feel absolutely insane)

you’re ripped at every edge by you’re a masterpiece by conformityissuicide

summary: “Ugh, look, this yoga teacher has it out for me, man. And I can’t go back there without at least having some of the basics down. I’ve got to win this battle.”

“Yoga isn’t really something you win at,” Hartsy starts.

Travis cuts him off, “You can win at anything if you try hard enough.”

+++

OR that time Nolan's a grumpy yoga teacher and Travis realizes he wants to bone him and prove him wrong about Travis' non-existent yoga abilities.

why i love it: listen, if you want tknp, at least one of them has to be an idiot, and this tk absolutely captures the obliviousness i love to see in him in fic. it’s such a great characterization of them both and such a great concept (and even better execution)

you form a terror pack (and i’m aware of that) by dalmatienne

summary: “Can I help you?” TK snarks, both eyebrows hiked up in a way that has earned her many elbow checks to the ribs.

The chick looks down her nose, long thick eyelashes fluttering. Red-bitten lips part to blow a florid pink bubble and TK can smell the chemical sweetness when it pops.

“Yeah,” she says in this monotonous voice that seems almost at odds with her bubble gum and neon skates. She jams her stopper into TK’s thigh again, literally inches away from where it’d really hurt. “Tie ‘em.”

why i love it: to be honest, i generally don’t read rule 63 within hrpf, but this one is just absolutely knocks it out of the park. the concept (i fuckin’ love roller derby), the characterization of nolan, the pacing, the rituals, the tone of the entire fic, it’s just all around a perfect read from start to finish

thrills and grills by bitter_leaf

summary: Travis can’t even begin to wonder what he did in a previous life to incur the wrath of this fucking cook. Travis thinks he’s a nice person, doesn’t conduct himself in any way that could be considered particularly dickish, and unless this guy has some sort of issue with hockey bros or people from the boonies, he’s not sure how he started shit without even knowing.

__

Patty has a vendetta. Travis just wants to eat his eggs in peace.

why i love it: honestly this is the enemies to lovers fic i’ve been waiting for. i remember seeing the reddit post when it first went viral and thinking it would make such a great fic premise, so stumbling across this one was just so wonderful. super engaging and fun and so hilarious to read!

nothing but room for you by fightingfuries

summary: When his agent tells him he’s going to be traded to the Devils, Nolan isn't sure how he feels about it. Might be easier if he was going somewhere farther away, like California or fucking Florida. Somewhere sun-soaked and foreign. Someplace so different from Philadelphia that he can forget he ever played for the Flyers, forget everything that happened there.

Or Nolan fucks up, gets traded, gets his shit together and falls in love. Not necessarily in that order.

why i love it: i cannot stress to you how much i love trade fics, and this one is one of my absolute favorites. the trade to the devils-so close to philly, still, but there’s more to distance than physical miles-was such an excellent choice and the split timeline adds so much to the narrative, and the emotions are real and messy and complicated in the best way

a couple of runaways (i’m glad you stayed) by overturnedgoal

summary: The person in the video he’s watching is super annoying. Some obnoxious holier than thou granola type who keeps talking about their environmental impact as if they aren’t driving a gas guzzler around, but the basic idea of living in a van, driving around wherever, camping all the time, just going hiking and swimming and seeing the whole country? It sounds pretty dope, honestly.

why i love it: i like to watch tours and conversions of vans/buses into tiny homes as a self soothing method, and this fic has the same impact that watching those do. it’s such a fun concept, and it’s so fuckin’ soft, and the dialouge between tk and nolan is just *chef’s kiss*

all candor and style in the crook of your smile by p3trichor

summary: It’s a photo of Nolan on his knees with someones’ fingers in his mouth, lips slick with spit. Travis flicks by it almost too fast and he’s only got seconds to decide if he wants to screenshot it, if he wants to just give up the ghost right then and there. Except Travis’s phone freezes momentarily and then the group refreshes, sidcros87, Bert59 and 14 others took a screenshot!

It’s gone before Travis even has time to process it and he already wasted his replay of the day on a stupid video of a stupid fish that Hayes caught.

Can you send me that screenshot Travis texts Bertuzzi before he can overthink it, his dick already stirring in his sweats. Tuzzi sends back the cry-laughing emoji and then the screenshot before Travis can be too annoyed at him.

Or, Nolan is being weird about Travis's break-up and TK is maybe not straight.

why i love it: i genuinely don’t think i have words for the amount i love this fic. it took me forever to actually read, but it’s absolutely one of my favorite fics, and it’s an absolutely riot to read. carter’s meddling and the presence of tyler bertuzzi both make it extra fun, in my humble opinion