#idk which ships to tag this as because several are mentioned but i wrote the most about the dyanamic with like

[dirty-bosmer]

20 questions for writers

Thanks to @thequeenofthewinter for the tag <3

Tagging: @elavoria @atypicalacademic @gilgamish @nuwanders @ladytanithia @sheirukitriesfandom @throughtrialbyfire @lucien-lachance @miraakulous-cloud-district @bostoniangirl21 @terendelev

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

6

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

704,291 😅

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Elder Scrolls and probably only ever the elder scrolls. Mostly Oblivion but I have one Skyrim lonngfic in the works. I read fic in several other fandoms, but this one has me by the throat.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well, I only have 6 in the first place so it's not saying all that much.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do the best I can to! Sometimes one slips by me on a particularly busy week, and then I'm too mortified by the lapse of time to answer. I don't think it's happened too often, but please know I read them all and am always grateful for them ❤️

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Haven't finished either of them yet, but it's gotta be The Illusionist Part 2, which is an Oblivion novelization with emphasis on the Dark Brotherhood and Mages Guild, or Beyond the Break, which is just me crying about Mathieu Bellamont.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Treacle which is still hella angst lmao, but Scar-Tail does live happily ever after, and it's all thanks to @atypicalacademic for the inspiration ❤️❤️❤️ I have also vowed to make my Skyrim fic, Slither and Writhe happier 😤 Thus far, it's going... well, it is going.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't, and the few dissenting opinions that I have received I wouldn't consider hate either. They're just opinions. I hesitated to mention this, but since I was LITCHRALLY talking about Lucien Lachance on one of Ray's posts a few minutes ago, in the past I have receive messages detailing how my interpretation of Lucien is distasteful, given he is unabashedly a villain in my story and 1/2 of a toxic relationship (also he's... kind of pathetic lol). It's a darkfic and not for everyone, I'm well aware. Fortunately, many of my very lovely, talented friends and mutuals write great Lucien fics that are different from mine, so at the end of the day we all get what we want :D Variety is the spice of life, and you can pry grossnasty Lucien out of my cold, dead fingies.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write sexual content (idk what counts as smut). Originally, I wrote all the sex scenes as fade-to-black, and while they're not super graphic, while editing a few months ago I thought "you know what, this needs more cunt." So yeah. The sex scenes have become a bit more explicit now than they were in the first iteration.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nah, and I don't think I ever will.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and unless people are out there lifting passages of my writing and inserting it into their fics, I'm not going to claim ownership over ideas. We're all playing in the same sandpit, and while the execution is my own, I find it quite difficult to say the stories are totally original or novel because all my writing, from concepts to style, have been influenced in some way by the works of others.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I've tossed around some ideas with @zomboidatomic that may or may not one day bear fruit...

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I've worked them all out of my system at this point, tbh. Romance doesn't really do anything for me on its own without compelling characterizations and intriguing plot. I select by other tags over ship most of the time too. That said I've been driven crazy by some of my friends ships with characters I've never even spoken to before. If it's good it's good, you know. (Though I am currently re-watching Hannibal and I will confess that I am still ill about Hannigram ajkfhalg)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm going to finish them all, dammit!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization, I think, especially when writing people who are awful lmao I've received a lot of compliments when it comes to writing villains and morally grey characters.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ugh, I am so self-indulgent. Sometime last year I edited The Illusionist part 2 and trimmed out 60k words. It was so BLOATED (probablly still is). I think there were times when the plot got sidelined because I had an idea for a fun scene. Yes, I love writing Lucien and Nim hate-fucking and tearing each other apart in some weird mashup of Tommy Wiseau in The Room and the alien in The Thing. No, I did not need three chapters of this back to back, but I wanted it...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If the plot calls for it, then by all means 👍

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hmm, now that I think of it it may have been a Fallout 3 Harkness fic that I kept in a composition notebook when I was 12. It will never see the light of day, obivo.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

OoOoh, that's tough. Slither and Writhe already feels stronger to me because I'm a more experienced writer, and I actually planned it out, but The Illusionist is my first baby.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks for tagging me @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad

I love wasting time with these things when I'm supposed to be writing 😉

How many works do you have on AO3? In total 262, for tarlos 24 (and counting)

What's your total AO3 word count? 642,739 (holy shit)

What fandoms do your write for? at the moment just 911 lone star/tarlos, but I'm kind of looking into RWRB/firstprince, and depending on a certain mister R. Hawley, I might get pulled back into emmerdale/robron

What are your top five fics by kudos? I'll stick to tarlos for this or else it'll just be 5 robron fics Austin TX first responders week - TK and Carlos have to give a talk about their jobs at a school for Austin's first responders week. Filling in the blanks - a post episode/missing moment of Owen finding out what happened to Carlos in 4x04 See you later - Marjan going to say goodbye to a still recovering Carlos before she leaves in 4x05 - kind of a missing moment It started with a concussion - a meet ugly with Carlos literally running into TK while chasing a suspect Love and Lou - The Lou fic! Vet!Carlos AU meet cute with a little help from Lou I and II

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Not as often as I should. I never know what to say other than "Thank you" and i just end up reading the comments 50 times over (and i save the emails from AO3) and I'm like I LOVE YOU PERSON LEAVING A COMMENT ON MY SILLY LITTLE STORY YOU MADE MY DAY - but only in my head because i don't want to seem too weird. Idk - I overthink things.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't do angsty endings. Though PS I love you is a little bittersweet I guess. TK getting a letter from Gwyn on his wedding day.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All of them! I need a happy ending - always. But I suppose it was 'earned' the most in California where they both Go Through It before they get their happy ending.

Do you get hate on fics? I haven't on tarlos fics but I did get a hater on one of my anti chas robron fics once. I just deleted the comment.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Not really. I've tried... but it's just not for me.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Not really. Unless you count the tiny blink and you miss it RWRB reference in Swing swing.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope but I've translated fics from German to English for a friend yeeeeeaaaars ago - for Luke/Noah from As The World Turns

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have, several. For Luke/Noah from ATWT way back in the day. it was an Experience™

What's your all time favourite ship? I can't pick just one!

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Undercover Carlos - I really want to finish it but I'm so bad at multi chapter fics. I'm bad at planning and I lose motivation and everyone else loses interest. I'm going to try get back to it when I'm done with my flufftober fics (so somewhere next summer or so 🙃)

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue for sure. and cutesy oneshots.

What are your writing weaknesses? Describing stuff. Translating the "picture" I have in my head to words on 'paper' is The Worst. Also planning and plotting a story - I tend to make stuff up as I go (which is why I suck at long multichapter fics)

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Don't do it unless you speak the language or know someone who does who can check it for you. Google translate is NOT your friend. A few words here and there (like the Spanish terms of endearment in tarlos fics) is fine, you can't really go wrong with that, but for more than that you need someone who actually speaks the language.

First fandom you wrote for? Luke and Noah - As The World Turns

Favourite fic you've written? For Tarlos I had a lot of fun with my Lou fic that I mentioned earlier and The perfect costume has done some interesting things to my insta algorithm, and The power of a muddy dog was fun because I like soft!TK with Buttercup. But all of my fics have *something* that makes them *special* to me.

If you've read all this... I'm impressed lol

tagging: @noxsoulmate @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @lightningboltreader @bonheur-cafe @sanjuwrites and and an open tag for whoever feels like doing this because I never know who to tag!

[formosusiniquis]

20 Questions for Writers!

I was tagged by @augustjustice thank you!! 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

47 at time of writing!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

534,051

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently pretty much exclusively Stranger Things, but I’ve written for several like It (2017), American Vandal (where are my Vandal friends at), etc.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

it's his party (and i'll fall if i want to) – Stranger Things, my first steddie fic in the fandom and most kudos’d by a mile thanks to hitting the biggest fandom window.

seven old losers on twitter – IT (2017)

sandra bullock eat your heart out – Stranger Things

if you like this you might also like: me – Stranger Things

starts with an h, sounds like potential – Stranger Things

5. Do you respond to comments?

No… it’s my worst author habit and I’m sorryyyyyy I just get overwhelmed by them all, but I love you all and thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to say something nice to me about my stuff. I keep them all in a special folder in my inbox.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I almost said I don’t have one because this is a happy endings only house and then I remembered that the rest of facts and pearls (both sensitive) only exists in my mind and is still technically a one chaptered ambiguous ending thing so probably that.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again this is almost always a happy ending only house. So maybe today is a new day to find you just because it’s so long and there’s some angst in the middle before we get to the ending (and also it’s my big bang fic from last year and my pride and joy)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Knock wood, but no. The worst I’ve gotten is a snarky comment in a bookmark and I think people forget that authors can actually see those.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

On occasion, though it’s rare. (Though there may be some more for Stevie Week if I can get my shit together). Usually it’s oral, because it’s easier to keep track of where everyone’s limbs are at.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not any that are published. As a baby writer I wrote some SPN/GO self-insert shit that will never ever see the light of day. Now it’s just not really my bag. I’ll occasionally sneak a reference to another piece of media in for my own amusement (see the Justified references that will be appearing in my summer exchange fic) but that’s about as far as I go.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nothing published, but I’ve had a lot of fun writing a ronance fic back and forth with my beloved @cauldronoflove and it’s definitely something I’d be up for doing with others if anyone is interested!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Okay so I have steddie brainrot so if it’s romantic ships that, but actually it’s Steve&Robin. Some honorable mentions: Buckingham, Ronance, and for brain rots now dormant Sam/Peter (AV) and Newmann

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you will?

So the only blatantly unfinished WIP I have published is mi media naranja (and other things that need to ripen) which I do hope to one day finish (I have more chapters written that aren’t on AO3 but it’s been so long since I’ve posted I’m embarrassed to put them up). Technically facts and pearls has more to it that could be published that maybe one day I will, but the current ending is functional.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write dialogue well. And I think I manage a pretty good internal monologue for my narrative POV character. Every now and then I’ll pop off with a little detail that implies significant character things.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I just can’t describe what a scene looks like, what are rooms and what are the characters doing in them? Idk use your imagination cause for all I know they’re all standing in a big empty room with big white walls.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I cannot do it! It’s part of why naranja is indefinitely delayed thanks to the plot I set up! I am monolingual.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My first published fic (on a platform that isn’t AO3) is from the Mentalist. But I’m sure I have notebooks full of stories that I wrote as a kid for like Sisters Grimm or something.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I’m refusing to pick a favorite child so enjoy a collection of works that I’m proud of.

today is a new day to find you – my most beloved timeloop child. Possibly my magnum opus, a timeloop fic from a non-looper POV, it manages to be repetitive without feeling stagnant. I’m very proud of it!

Am I the Asshole? - it’s an epistolary fic in an atypical format so I’m actually pretty impressed with myself that I managed to get an actual overarching story that makes sense in the format. Also it’s Stobin QPR and that’s my favorite

the bells, the joy (together in darkness) – Stobin hivemind fic, it really does it all and I want everyone in the world to read it and love it

no pressure tagging some folks whose answers I would love to see if they want to do it! @cauldronoflove, @grasslandgirl, @aberfaeth, @thefreakandthehair, @stevespookington, @sevenmerrymagpies, and anyone else that would like to talk about their writing!

[shivasdarknight]

What are the main jobs of the characters in your wolship/wolnpc ship?  Do they adventure together or take on separate quests?  I’m sure this has been done but feel free to share a fun quest/adventure they had together too. :)

well, let’s start with a tally

Surkukteni: DRK/DRG predominantly, sometimes RDM, knows AST but won’t use it in combat Ysayle: BLM/PLD predominantly - also knows ARC and is learning MCH during 5.X Estinien: DRG and DRG only Aymeric: PLD pretty exclusively tho we’ve seen him w a bow Venat: PLD/WHM/DNC or whatever those technically are to the ancients idk

4 canon tanks.  Four.  And only one person who heals willingly.

If theres any adventuring going on, it’s more likely going to be Venat going than Aymeric due to his obligations as Lord Speaker, but they effectively swap as the assigned healer as he’s pretty much a blue healer.  The makeup is usually:

Tank: Surkukteni, very very rarely anyone else because of her injuries from 3.3 DPS: Estinien and Ysayle - both extremely obnoxious about it Healer: Venat or Aymeric but again, see above.

Surkukteni goes off on her own quite often, but has increasingly been going on jobs with Estinien and Ysayle.  Each of the three are pretty independent as Scions, but they don’t pass up on working together.  Aymeric only goes with others, and Venat heavily prefers to go with others as it’s just not fun if she wanders by herself.

As for a fun adventure, IDK IF THIS COUNTS AS FUN BUT. (see below the cut - explicit 5.5 spoilers)

Paglth’an was one of the few instances where Surkukteni, Ysayle, Estinien and Aymeric were actually on the same battlefield.  Ysayle hung close to Surkukteni and the other Scions, and Estinien and Aymeric basically followed along with canon.  This was Ysayle’s first proper excursion as a Scion besides the work she’d done with Melisande (which was a lot of laying low while Ysayle recovered), and also the first major thing she’d done with Surkukteni since Heavensward.  So maybe there was a lot of overcorrection, maybe there was a lot of hovering on each others’ parts because they were worried and all of this was new.

But during the last leg of the fight - you know, when Tiamat shows up - Ysayle got super fucking distracted.  She knew of Tiamat, but had few chances to speak to her - let alone see her in combat like that.  And Ysayle is a sapphic mess, and is extremely predictable and was crushing hard.  While it got the Scions to tease her for it - namely Surkukteni and Y’shtola - it quickly turned into a dire distraction as a tempered dragon seized Ysayle by the leg and broke it.  Injuries were bad, Surkukteni panicked but at least Ysayle was otherwise fine when they managed to deal with the main pack.  Part of why Estinien doesn’t engage in the Lunar Bahamut fight (beyond it not being canon) is that he hung back to keep an eye on Ysayle until additional helped arrived to let Surkukteni deal with things.

Which means when they head to Ul’dah after everything, there’s this wonderful image in my head that I love of Surkukteni just bridal carrying Ysayle through the streets to the infirmary while they’re just quietly talking to distract her from the pain of having her leg mauled.

She’s fine.  She recovers and it helps that the duration between 5.5/5.55 and 6.0 is like...just over half a year in my canon (for reasons).  But it drives Ysayle nuts after the fact because she hates navigating with crutches and neither Surkukteni nor Estinien will let her live it down because the initial fear and worry is gone - all that’s left is Ysayle is in this situation because she got distracted while oggling a dragon she thought was really hot.  It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up!

And yes, I’ve already written it too.

    Changing the subject to not risk Allie overhearing them talking about her, Surkukteni’s hand fell gently on the cast Ysayle was forced to wear.  “What were you doing out?” she asked, looking Ysayle over with concern.  “I thought you were ordered to rest.”

    “Funny that you’re the one saying this,” was Estinien, falling hard into the couch to Surkukteni’s other side in spite of the glare she leveled by at him.  His hand draped behind her shoulders, falling to rest near Ysayle’s.  His fingers traced her exposed pale skin - all thanks to her slipping shirt - and trailed up her neck, letting them linger at her jaw.  “But I do agree with her, even if she is a hypocrite; is your leg any better?”

    Ysayle shifted to lean into Surkukteni, and by proxy more into Estinien’s touch.  She sighed as she took Surkukteni’s hand, running her own slender fingers along her rough palm.  “I think if you’d told me several years ago that I’d have both former Azure Dragoons fretting over my well-being, I would’ve called you crazier than I and laughed it off.”  Before either could protest, she did laugh it off and shook her head.  “It’s feeling much better, thank you.  I just needed the fresh air, is all.”

    Surkukteni sighed.  “I wish it’d heal faster.  You’d think healing magic would do more for broken limbs, but I suppose it can only do so much.”

    “You and me both.”  Ysayle sighed.  “I only wish I’d been of some help in Carteneau.”

    “A word of advice, then?” was Estinien, in that markedly unhelpful tone of his.  “Things generally go better if you stay focused, and not get distracted by dragons you fancy.”

    Ysayle groaned loudly at that, her face burning bright red.  

    Surkukteni - equally unhelpful - could only laugh, a wide and toothy grin painting her features.

    Paglth’an had...well, it had certainly gone.  It was Ysayle’s second ever serious fight as a Scion proper, and it was safe to say not an easy one to learn group dynamics in.  Things had gone smoothly for the most part (though, Alisaie was no help, as usual), but that quickly changed when Surkukteni caught Ysayle staring.  Not staring at her - though she had honestly wished she had looked at her with all that awe and desire - but rather at Tiamat mid-battle.  She didn’t even get the chance to tease her for it before one of the tempered dragons had seized Ysayle in its jaws, cleanly snapping her leg in two and giving the lot of them a collective heart attack.  It’d been scary in the moment - mortifying, if she were honest - but now that they knew she’d survive and keep her leg as it was?  Well.

    “She is single, you know,” Surkukteni pointed out, only to get a loud whine from Ysayle as she buried her face in the crook of the Warrior’s shoulder.  “You could, if you wanted to.”

    “I’m sure she’d be eager to at least see you properly, with all you’ve done,” Estinien added.

    A more exasperated groan slipped from Ysayle, muted mostly by Surkukteni’s arm.  “Damn the both of you, I never should have explained why,” was her muffled response, broken up by a flustered laugh.  At least it wasn’t a sore subject with her.

[monsterhunting]

2022 year in review

thank you @quillsmora for tagging me!!

Number of stories posted to AO3: 13!

Word count this year: according to my ao3 stats it’s 274,715

Fandoms I wrote for: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and Stranger Things 

Pairings: Sam/Bucky and Steve/Nancy/Jonathan (or some variation of it, plus one Steve/Jonathan fic) were my main ships, but I also tagged several fics with Steve & Robin. (Do platonic tags count as pairings???)

Stories with the most: 

– Kudos: secrets i have held in my heart, which i posted the first chapter of almost directly after vol 2 came out, so, makes sense. i was still surprised by how many people liked this story given stoncy has faded a bit out of popularity with S4, so i was v happy people wanted to read this!!

– Bookmarks: same as above

 – Comment threads: we could call it even (you could call me babe for the weekend), which makes sense given it has 6 chapters. also chapter 5 (i think?) ended on a kinda angsty cliffhanger so naturally i got an influx of comments yelling at me lmao. (fun fact: this fic has the most comment threads out of anything i’ve posted on ao3!)

– Word count: who you gonna call? takes the cake with 65k+ words. also, by far the longest thing i’ve ever written! 

Work(s) I'm most proud of (and why):

– to live for the hope of it all: i have loved stoncy for yeeeeears (since i first watched s1 of stranger things) and i’ve read a lot of fic for it and wanted to write fic for it but never did until i wrote this one shortly after s4 vol 1 came out! and since then i’ve written tons more stoncy fic and had a lot of fun doing it and made several pals because of it so i’m v glad i finally tried my hand at it!!

– who you gonna call?: as i just mentioned, this is the longest thing i’ve ever written but i also think it’s one of my favorite things i’ve written period!! i put a lot of work into this fic and honestly had a really fun time writing it. i also implemented a lot of horror vibes in this fic (the vibe overall was folk horror friends to lovers romcom), which was unlike anything i’d ever posted on ao3 but since i love horror i had a lot of fun writing those elements too! 

– Sharon Carter’s Guide to Dealing With Oblivious Superheroes: maybe not my favorite sambucky fic i wrote this year but i loooove reading outsider POV fics and think they’re so fun. however, i’ve never actually tried my hand at writing one so this was really fun to try! i also love sharon and i think she deserves more love so it was really fun to get inside her head and write about her perspective on sambucky

Work(s) I'm least proud of (and why): idk if there’s anything i’m not proud of??? there are maybe a few fics i wouldn’t consider my best writing though. for example i was rushing to finish this fic and if i’d taken longer to write it, it could’ve turned out better maybe? but i wouldn’t say that means i’m not proud of it

Share or describe a favorite review you received: I really love any review I get even if it’s just a simple “this was good!” But I love when people point out their favorite parts or tell me they think I did well with the characterization. A couple times I had a comment where people said they could like hear the characters’ voices as they were reading my fic which is a HUUUGE compliment i think <3

A time when writing was really, really hard: the holiday season was super busy for me so i didn’t have much time to write over christmas. also frankly...smut is hard to write. i get too embarrassed in the middle and then have to go walk away from the screen from a few minutes lmao

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i simply did not expect i would’ve written as much as i did about jonathan byers in the year of our lord 2022 nor did i expect i’d have fun with it. and yet! 

A favorite excerpt of your writing: from chapter 4 of who you gonna call

Suddenly, Steve thinks about sticking his feet in Jonathan’s lap during movie nights or ruffling Jonathan’s hair in the office. He thinks about the way it feels to make Jonathan laugh, the way his heart skipped in his chest that night all those months ago in Nancy and Jonathan’s kitchen when Jonathan said to him, quiet and incredibly honest, You’re not too much. He thinks about kissing Nancy in that same kitchen and kissing Jonathan in the woods only a day later, and thinks about how the most terrifying places in the world have never felt all that scary with Nancy and Jonathan on either side of him.

And then he thinks back to standing in the forest with Nancy only hours ago, when she had asked, Was it just me? When Nancy had stared deep into him and demanded to know not if he loved her, but if he loved Jonathan, too. When she asked him to tell her if all these years it was only Nancy he ever felt that way about.

And God, of course it wasn’t. It never was. Of course it’s always been Jonathan, too.

How did you grow as a writer this year? hmmm i wrote a LOT in 2021 but i wrote even more in 2022 which is wild. i kinda used to write a fic every now and then -- like every few months or so or whenever inspiration struck -- but in the past year or so i’ve been writing very consistently in my spare time which has been really fun!! also everything i wrote this past year, specifically in the latter half of the year, was LONG. i wrote 4 multichap fics in 2022 alone (i’ve only ever written 7 total on ao3 and one was never finished lol.)

How do you hope to grow next year: CONVERSELY...i would like to master the art of being able to write things under 10k lol. maybe even under 20k!!! crazy idea i know but it’s a goal !!!

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc): i literally would die without allie and getting to ramble about fics and fic ideas with her in texts and on snapchat lmao. also shoutout to annie and the numerous writing springs we did together this summer!!!

Anything from your real life show up in your writing: i include little nods to things i like in fics pretty often...one thing that shows up a lot is references to moe’s, for some reason? it started off as an accident but has slowly become on purpose as time has gone on. tragically i haven’t been able to reference it in many stranger things fics because unfortunately the first moe’s didn’t open until 2000. other than that, i wrote a whole scene in a sambucky fic this year that referenced percy jackson (specifically the titan’s curse aka my fav percy jackson book), so that was fun

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: this is more practical advice than wisdom but for all my besties who write in google docs and then post on ao3: to keep the ao3 formatting from screwing up your italics (i.e. when ao3 formats your “Hey.” to “ Hey . ”) italicize the symbols surrounding the word you’re trying to italicize (i.e. for the previous example, you would italicize the quotes and the period AND the hey). learned this trick very very recently and probably other people have already figured this out on their own but i figured i’d pass it along! 

Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: i have sooooo many WIPs in my google docs but the projects i’m most looking forward to posting this year are the spider-man!steve stoncy fic, the steve gets vecna’d (but it’s ok he’s fine) stoncy fic, and i would also love to be able to write some gotg fics this year (kate cheers and applauds in the background somehwere). specifically would like to write some mantis/nebula fics bc as we know i love a good ship that has zero actual screentime together!

Tag some writer's who's answers you'd like to read (y’all are under no obligation to do it tho): @miiyumei @pensbridgrton @anniebibananie ❤️

[veliseraptor]

got tagged for two fic writer memes yesterday! the one from @ameliarating first:

How many works do you have on AO3?

509.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

3,432,24. dang! that’s a lot of words

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I have written for...counting the MCU as one fandom, on AO3 I have written for 32 fandoms, including at least one work in:

MCU, The Sillmarillion, Caliban Leandros, both DC and Marvel Comics, the book Barebacked by Kit Whitfield, Doctrine of Labyrinths, Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Star Wars, Black Jewels, Dragon Age, Lucifer, Dexter, Temeraire, Gentleman Bastard Sequence, Supernatural, A Song of Ice and Fire, Greek Mythology, Lymond Chronicles, Merlin BBC, Code Geass, Good Omens,  Death Note, and White Collar.

this is not a comprehensive list of every fandom I’ve ever written for, because it is not including ones that live only on FFN or Livejournal.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Life In Reverse tops the list (11066), aka my 200k Loki-centric post-Thor AU fic that I wrote between 2012 and 2018 and with which I have a decidedly complex relationship at this point. I love it but also I no longer think it’s my best work but also I credit it with teaching me a fuck of a lot about writing and writing longer projects in general.

With Absolute Splendor is rapidly catching up, to my astonishment (6559), despite having been posted for less than half as long. Aka the wedding planning fic that’s really just me mucking about in my Jiang Cheng and my Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian feelings, at length.

some good mistakes (4618) was my first foray into the Untamed version of “characters who hate each other going on resentful roadtrips together, feat. Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng.” I have gone on to write others and will continue to write more.

Unraveling (3069) is a little bit of a surprise but also not - it was originally just sort of WWP stuff for my ‘what if people remembered that blunt force trauma is a really bad thing actually’ problem that pops up sometimes, re: Loki at the end of The Avengers, and then it kind of turned into a whole thing. I personally think it’s the weakest of the installments of the series it belongs to, but it is the first one and also the one that gets least into the broader family dysfunction and depression stuff that probably is less everyone’s thing (but is what came out this fic that mattered more to me, personally).

I am a little surprised to see Steve Rogers’ Halfway House for Notorious Supervillains (3068) here too! I was expecting one of the more...idk, mainstream concepts from the MCU to win out? But I also wasn’t expecting two Untamed fics to make it here, either. But I am stupid proud of this fic even if it is very extraordinarily unfinished. This is one of those unfinished fics that will nag at me unless and until I finish it, at least a little, because the concept - if I do say so myself - is so goddamn good and I think I was executing it pretty well, too.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Pretty much never. I was never very good at it and now I’d feel like I had to go back and reply to all of them and I just. I can’t do that. and when I do try to just start at the beginning I get overwhelmed very fast and start avoiding it.

Basically I decided that if it’s a decision between wrestling with myself to reply to comments versus actually doing more writing I’m going to end up landing on the latter as feeling both more doable and more productive.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

probably it’s The Worlds Forgotten, the Words Forbidden for sheer level of “so then what was the point” of it all. but like. I’ve definitely written a few extraordinarily miserable fics, and by “a few” I kind of mean “a lot.” Other nominees I’d put down might be nor autumn falter (for currently personally making me suffer most), once there was a way to get back home (for I think having the ouchiest summary), and Waiting for the Summer Rain (which remains one of my personal favorite Supernatural fics I wrote).

but like. there are 43 fics I have marked with Major Character Death warnings and every single one of those, pretty much, has a downer ending.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written several though not in a long time! My craziest probably remains the Morgoth/Cthulhu short I wrote that actually got sporked because someone took it seriously (???) enough to do that. But the craziest that actually has any merit, (I’d argue) is probably the Maeglin/Viserys one.

not linking to either, if you want to go find them I don’t think it’ll be that hard.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeah, a few times on a few different things. More if you count “people who seem to like the fic but love telling you how much they hate the female characters you’re writing about in it” as ‘hate’ which I would but isn’t, you know, quite as straightforward. If I had a nickel for every time someone bitched about Jane in Life in Reverse, though...lots of nickels.

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

Sure do! But what does ‘what kind’ mean, I don’t know how to answer that question. I feel tempted to just put in my “Mike’s Hard Kinks” image edit in this space.

I guess usually I tend to write smut that at least involves a little bit of a kink? I don’t think I’d feel comfortable writing entirely kinkless smut. I think I’d feel weird about it, the same way I do when I write really nice fic, generally.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think I did back when but I don’t remember anything about it. I feel like it was one of those mass data scraping things where my fic happened to be among those caught up in it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! several actually, mostly into Russian and Chinese. every time it happens I’m immensely flattered that someone wants to put in that kind of work on something I wrote.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I think I’d be very, very bad at it.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Depends on when you ask me! I could probably give you a top five but then I’d remember six that I forgot to mention five minutes later. I guess if I were to think about ships that feel like they hold very special particular places in my heart... Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen, Steve Rogers/Loki, and Min/Rand come to mind.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

oh god do you want the whole list cause honestly I could just like. screencap the entirety of my “in progress” folder with a crying emoji watermarked over it. and that’s not getting into the fics that are like...half formed babies in my consciousness but not anywhere on paper.

and also I just hate to admit that I might not finish something.

you know what? the Lucifer/Good Omens crossover I started would’ve been a lot of fun. I’m probably never going to finish it, but it would’ve been great if I had. I know other people did it too but my contribution could’ve been amazing.

I can say this very boldly with the near certainty that I’m not going to finish the fic so no one will be able to disagree.

(...also the Last Herald-Mage fix it. that was going to be a good fic too, and also will probably languish unfinished forever.)

What are your writing strengths?

I’m pretty sure dialogue is my strongest point. Dialogue and emotions, which is why I always end up just wanting to write about characters talking and having feelings at each other.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing action sequences throws me into conniptions every time I have to do it and I will take drastic actions sometimes to avoid doing it at all, which probably weakens the work as a whole.

Also, I don’t plan ahead and this means I write myself into corners kind of a lot. If I wasn’t writing long, dense fic it wouldn’t be a problem but here we are.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I tend to avoid it unless it’s in the context of, as in CQL/MDZS fic, leaving certain terminology untranslated. I’m pretty sure I almost never write full exchanges of dialogue in a different language than I’m using for the narration within a fic, and generally speaking my reaction to other people doing it is at least mildly negative.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter was technically the first fandom I wrote for, but it was a crack fic I wrote to make my friends laugh more than anything; I tend to count Wheel of Time as my first actual fandom for which I wrote my first actual fic.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

some days the answer is “all of them” and some day the answer is “I don’t like anything I’ve written in my entire life” and I never like giving this a definitive answer. yesterday I reread efforts in a common cause (the bound copy!! thanks @spockandawe) and you know what, that was a good fic and I’m proud of it, so I’m going with that one, for this meme, today.

tagging: @mostfacinorous, @jaggedcliffs, @silvysartfulness, @mikkeneko, @kasasagi-eye, @curiosity-killed, how many people am I supposed to tag for this one anyway

[iconic-ponytail]

How did @imreallyloveleee, @satelliteinasupernova, and @kesleyjo know to tag me in something right as I was starting to attempt productivity for the day?? idk but thank yall :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 8, I guess? I guess I tend more towards verbosity than prolific-ness.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

349,536 (... see above comment I guess lol)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Only Riverdale. Well, a little but of Harry Potter when I was like, 12. And I have (1) Nancy Drew CW draft that is sort of aimless and may or may not ever see the light of day.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. revelation in the light of day

2. when you're young you run

3. what doesn't kill me makes me want you more

4. in case I stand one little chance

5. i'll be (your) home for christmas

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! I am behind on a few fics though, for sure... but I always eventually get to them! I appreciate that people will engage with what I work on and often say both very kind and insightful things.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't think I have a single one. I love writing angst, but I don't love ending on it, I like it to go somewhere distinctly happy. That might have more to do with Betty and Jughead than like, any ship I might ever write for, but I only write them, so...

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I mean I wrote a 23k sappy af ending to revelation and it felt like the most cathartic to write of all my happy endings. I for sure cried multiple times in the process.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No, and I guess never say never? But I love an AU. I did write a arrested development AU drabble that felt a little unhinged lol.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not a lot, I have gotten a couple comments that hit me kinda weird, but only one I've ever deleted because someone was annoyed at me for something I had tagged and mentioned several times in authors notes, at which point... like just don't. Get a hobby, yo.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, though "what kind" is... I'm not sure? As loveleee said, usually more of the M territory than E? I guess I would say I don't write a ton of smut for the sake of smut, it usually has a purpose to the characters/story. (But don't get me wrong, smut for the sake of smut is great and I read it readily.)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, but the people of Ao3 are good people and took it down very quickly after I emailed them! I only found it by accident, but this person had plagiarized another bughead fic as well. It felt very violating and upsetting, but also relieving to get justice. Google your own fic every once in a while, I guess?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

With the one and only @heartunsettledsoul! Listen, that fic is very fun to write, but we are both eternally burying ourselves in projects. But it will continue :)

What’s your all time favorite ship?

The one I've written 350k for, obviously.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Nothing I've posted, I try not to post anything I don't intend and have a plan to finish. I have two unposted WIPs that I very much plan to post and finish but I'm trying to avoid writing another fic that takes me two years and change to finish, so I'm trying to push them both further before posting.

I guess I have two shorter WIP ideas that may or may not ever turn into something but I also never want to say never!

What’s your writing strengths?

While plotting is not *easy* for me, I also love a plot that snaps together like a puzzle, without becoming dominated by the plot alone. Character driven plot, perhaps. Reflecting on comments I receive, I think tone and pacing are another, and all of this is probably why I gravitate towards more long form fic than one shots.

What’s your writing weaknesses?

Repetitive action verbs. Run on sentences. A lot of nitty gritty technical stuff. Sometimes wanting a particular self-indulgent moment or comment and while fic is certainly a place to be as self-indulgent as you want, sometimes it doesn't work. Also, trusting things to be conveyed by showing-not-telling is hard, and sometimes I drift into doing both, which feels like overkill.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't do it much, some Spanish via Veronica, I guess, and then I often use a lot of phrases that I am familiar with/know are used colloquially. (I don't speak Spanish well but I am immersed in a bilingual space daily via my job.)

What’s the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, on fanfiction.net

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

For the sheer effort/blood/tears, a revelation in the light of day. For something I just still get a *nailed it* feeling about, years later, in case I stand one little chance. And honestly, the one I'm working on now is a Western-ish AU have been dreaming up for over a year, I'm psyched out of my mind about (if I can figure out how to plot the last 30%)!

Tagging @heartunsettledsoul @stonerbughead @jugandbettsdetectiveagency

[sajdd]

Srry to bother u again but im just so freakin happy! Whats your fav (or at some of your fav) soundtracks from the movies? Each are all so incredible but flying with mother and where no one goes takes the cake for me!

OH MY GOD i have several hold on (sorry this might take a few mins im gonna listen through all of them again bc i know which ones are my favs but i dont know all the names) also idk if u want but since we be talking abt httyd im tagging u @vilburs

also ill only look through movie 1 and 2 bc ive actually only seen movie 3 once in cinema so im not all that familair with it, but ive seen the first two endless amounts of times

INFO DUMP TIME! well more like opinion dump but u get me. this went kind of stupidly long because i gave my thoughts and feelings on it so im putting it under read more

edit: oh my god this ended up being so long i have issues. u unlocked my hyperfixation how dare you. you did this also. i am sorry u asked me a normal question and i wrote an incomprehensible essay of me just screaming (i did not proof read any of this i just word vomitted and now im sending it so. good luck)

before we start i just wanna say i LOOOOVE the httyd theme in general and the way the soundtrack has always incorporated it and shaped it in different ways so you know exactly what it is but also changes the mood so drastically aaaaaaa

httyd1:

forbidden friendship - OBVIOUS choice. that scene is genuinely one of my all time favourite scenes it just hits different i will never forget how i felt experiencing it for the first time. its such a beautiful song by itself (oh my god just listening to it gives me chills every time im listening to it rn and LOOORDDD) and not to mention the way they slowly become friends :') SOBBING AND CRYING. what a beautiful movie.

see you tomorrow - ITS SO FUN!!! they are just starting their shenanigans!! idk its just a very fun montage part

test drive - their first flight session together. who could forget! that part where hiccup ditches the cheat sheet and they both follow their instincts, working in perfect harmony and get out of trouble together :')) and a bit of silliness involved. they are best friends!!

ready the ships - a darker and more sombre version of the httyd theme. that scene where hiccup and astrid are watching all the ships sail away feeling heartbroken and betrayed. MAN. also the talk between him and astrid, where after so long of beating him down and making fun of hiccup, shes the one who uplifts him, mannn. "im the first viking who wouldnt kill a dragon" "first one to ride one tho" THAT EXCHANGE WAS SOOO. honestly for this part im mostly talking about like the first minute of the song because the chills of watching them all sail away with toothless while hiccup could only stand there and watch was soooo

wheres hiccup - just chills man. we all know what happened. and seeing stoic shout so desperately for his son he thinks hes lost, toothless laying there and everyone thinkign all hope is lost but then we find out hes ok :')) well. mostly. and then the scene with them in the house when hiccup wakes up and toothless just gets all antsy and just aaa that whole scene is so wholesome :(( NOT TO MENTION. WHEN THEYRE WAlKIGN OUT. AND IT SHOWS BOTH OF THEIR INJURIES AAAUEUEU WHAT THE HELL

httyd2:

where no one goes - oh this one is so obvious. ITS SUCH A LOVELY SONG SO CAREFREE AND I JUST. I REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES I REWATCHED THE TRAILER SO MANY TIMES WHEN IT CAME OUT. LOST MY MIND. they are just flying around!!! theyre all grown up now!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaa!!

together we map the world - its just such a lovely scene between all of them, first hiccup and toothless doing their adventures :) and then astrid joining and them having a heart to heart while toothless and stormfly just mess around, and we get to see how much hiccup and astrids relationship has developed :'))

OH MY GOD I JUST NOTICED THIS. so this part from losing mom between 0:33 - 1:33 right.

and then toothless found we hear this very same theme but in a different undertone. in losing mom its bittersweet and sad but beautiful. in this one its heroic. its liberating. they both decided to stick by their dragon friends. like mother like son. also this song in general is banger and i love this entire part of the movie. the part where hes trying to talk to toothless ohh my gooddd and then theyre free and OH MY GODDD AND THEN THE BLINDFOLD... OHHH M YGODDDDD. sorry for getting derailed here i just was listening to losing mom and i realised its the same melody and it sent me bonkers

i cant believe ive seen this so many times and only just now connected this. and just the fact that toothless found is a medley of several previous themes. I LOVE THIS FUCKING MOVIE SERIES

anyway back on track

flying with mother - YOU KNOW IT BABEYYY. what an amazing scene and the music is beautiful too aaaa its just so!!!!!!! hiccup and valka (that was her name right) really bonding, and trying to make up for lost time, finally with someone who truly understands them, and they just have fun! that scene of walking across the dragons?? ICONIC!!!!!!!!! and then hiccup just jumping off like the idiot he is wojkdfvbjnkgf

for the dancing and the dreaming - UEUEUEUUEUEUE. the way it goes from such a bittersweet and sad thing, to them reconciling and becoming happier and finally, theyre a whole family :') and for just a moment, everything is ok. this is what they couldve had all this time

battle of the bewilderbeast - honestly? its just fucking cool. theres so much going on in this piece and in the film, and its like finally all the plot points coming together and its just this one epic battle

hiccup confronts drago - from 1:50 to the end. BRO. the TENSION was ESCALATING. the main theme before the complete 180 into an incoming threat

stoic saves hiccup & stoic's ship - DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING. THE TEARS ARE FLOWING. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO SAY

two new alphas - TOOTHLESS CHAD MOMENT. hiccup saved him, so hes repaying the favour. the alpha is 20x his size but he just straight up doesnt care bro. why does he become a glowstick?? I DONT KNOW BUT ITS COOL.

honestly i just wanna say theres so many genius medley pieces in the series. taking themes and mixing them with new themes. heartbreaking. genius. if i were to point out ever single thing that i love and is genius we'd literally never end

also its the best looking through all the comments of the ost talking about details in the songs or the movie in general and just aaaa

[musicboxmemories]

2020 Fanfic Year in Review

I was tagged by the awesome @ladytp-annex​ – thank you!!! 🥰

Total number of completed stories: Okay, so I have two pages (one for “serious” works, and another for hanky-panky), and naturally, the trash is going to have more completed works since those are just one(or two)-shots. For my smut page, I’ve completed 7 works this year, and for my regular page, I’ve completed 3 (though I’ve written 12 works overall).

Total number of words: Lmao, you’re really going to make me do math in the year of our Lord, 2021? *sighs* FIIIINE. *whips out calculator* For my smut page, I wrote 24,301 words, and my regular page 28,074 for a grand total of 52,375. Dang, I didn’t realize I wrote so much in my trash fics, haha.

Fandoms written in: Emma 2020 and Turn: Washington’s Spies. Over half of that prior word count has been written in November - December, LOL.

Top 5 by Word Count:

1. The World is Made Wrong  2. Starve This Sin 3. Secrets, Silent, Stony 4. Entwine Our Bodies on Common Ground 5. Grovel

^^^I don’t feel comfortable publicly linking my adult fics, because I don’t like to associate my two pages at all. The adult fics are for Emma 2020, so if anyone wants to read them, just DM me and I’ll give you the links! 😊

Top 5 by Kudos

1. Starve This Sin 2. Interruption 3. Be My Guide 4. Grovel 5. Entwine Our Bodies on Common Ground

^^^My trash page definitely won out here, haha. 😅

Top Fic Overall:

“Starve This Sin,” hands-down! I was floored by how many hits/comments/kudos it got, especially after being in the tiny Hannibal fandom since 2013. I guess Austen fans wanted more than a “repressed hand touch” for once, LOL. At first, I was genuinely worried about that, because Austen doesn’t seem to be a smut-driven fandom. But I guess this was further proof that there’s always a place for that lol.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Much more! I took this year off to write two books (er, back in 2020), so I wasn’t expecting to take breaks here and there to dabble in fanfiction, especially since my interest in Hannibal had finally dwindled to pretty much nada. Before Emma 2020 came out, I didn’t have any other interests! I’ve written fanfiction every year since 2003, so I thought 2020 might be the year I finally lost my mojo! Thankfully, I was wrong. 😊

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Idk lol, I like different stories for different reasons. I like “Starve This Sin” since it was fun to write, but I also got way more poetic than I usually do in “Secrets, Silent, Stony,” and it’s been a delight writing an old character of mine in “The World is Made Wrong.”

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I guess there’s always a risk in throwing yourself out there, especially if you’re like lil’ ol’ me who ships rarepairs. Thus far, people have (mostly) been polite. I would’ve been able to say “HAVE been polite” if it weren’t for last week, when I received a rude review for one of my ship choices. I’m old and set in my ways. If you don’t like what I write, KINDLY GET OFF MY LAWN. 

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

Nope! I’m back to focusing on querying my books. However, I am still going to write whatever plot bunnies strike my fancy. Idk what it is about TURN, but I’ve never had as much inspiration for a fandom as I have with this one. Six of the 12 fics I wrote in 2020 were for TURN, and as I mentioned earlier, I wrote them all in the past two months (especially December). I’ll be posting another new fic for it soon, so that’ll be my first fic of the new year!

Most popular story of the year?

Still “Starve This Sin,” lol.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Weeeeell, all of my TURN fics are going to be underappreciated, because I rolled up in here 3 years after the show’s cancellation lol. And couple that with the fact I ship rarepairs? Yeah. Nobody’s reading my stuff except for a very precious few (and I appreciate each and every one of them!). 💖🥰🤗

Most fun story to write?

Probably The World is Made Wrong. Back in 2017, I self-pubbed a book, and for whatever reason, I decided to resurrect one of the side characters (who was coincidentally my favorite character) and make her a main in the TURN universe. Her personality is exactly the same, but now instead of a gothic heroine, she’s from a rich Tory family in the 18th century. My chapter word counts used to average about 1-2k, but with this fic, I’m churning out chapters averaging 3-4k, sometimes even spilling into 5k territory. I’ve been pretty inspired since I wrote 23k (the additional 4k I’m speaking of hasn’t been published yet) in one month!

Most unintentionally telling story?

Like, symbolically? I never go into my writing with a plan, so happy accidents do occur...but I’m not so sure that’s happened this year.

Biggest disappointment?

How dead the TURN fandom is lol. I mean, the fanfiction tag is actually super active (it often has several updates per day), which I find amazing, but the actual interaction itself is reflective of a dead fandom.

Biggest surprise:

My inspiration! Just judging by my past fic writing behavior, if a fandom is dead/doesn’t seem receptive of my works, I tend to duck out pretty quickly since it doesn’t feel worth the energy. But for the TURN fandom, I honestly haven’t been bothered. More interaction would obviously be wonderful/welcome, but for once I’m doing this for ME, and I think that’s important. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!! 😛

I tag @niksnarration @missjewel @bundyshoes @i-find-the-beauty-in-chaos @fandomsbyladymelodrama @simplykayley @rey-of-luke @ohbillyboi and whoever else wants to do this! If any of you haven’t completed fics this year, don’t feel bad -- 2020 was rough. 😓

[tiffersthenerdyficrecs]

BakuDeku Fluff Fics

(*) Indicates my most suggested reads.

where sunlight flows by shousanki

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Childhood Friends, Humor, Fluff, Allergies, Spring, BakuDeku Week 2018, Questionable hygiene Summary: When pollen allergies hit 1A's resident pseudo-delinquent, Izuku's credentials as the certified Bakugou Whisperer, earned via fifteen years of blood, sweat, and borderline creepiness, emerges to save them all, in these trying times of emotional constipation.

build this love (from the ground up) by chaoticheroes

Rating: General Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Uraraka Ochako, Kirishima Eijirou, several characters mentioned - Character Additional Tags: Not Beta Read, We Die Like Men, Wedding Fluff, Fluff, it's so soft, so so so soft, LISTEN TO THE SONG COWARDS, this is my first fic pls be easy on me, also idk anything about japanese weddings im sorry, aksdjfhjust kinda writing from the heart tbh, short and sweet, Extremely Summary: “It’s the day, bro. How are we feelin’?” Kirishima places a hand on Katsuki’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. There’s a certain look on his face that Katsuki really doesn’t want to analyze right now. “I’m fine.” He’s not fine. He’s so far from fine that he can’t tell where the line between “fine” and “I’m about to have a nervous breakdown please take me to a hospital” begins. He’s nervous. He’s shaking, his hands are cold and his throat feels like it’s closing. There are far too many feelings running their courses through his brain right now. “I need a shot. Please tell me you have something because I feel like I’m about to shake out of my own skin.”

A Winter Wonderland by Hollowed_Soul

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Kaminari Denki/Kirishima Eijirou Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, Akatani "Yamikumo" Mikumo Additional Tags: we need more fluff of these two i stg, angst???, no, smut??? n a h, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, ye s, fucking.. fluff, fluff!, only fluff, ALL THE FLUFF, Bakugou Katsuki is a Dork, They both need a Hug, they both need to hug eachother, Midoriya Izuku is a Ray of Sunshine, Midoriya Izuku is a Dork, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, this ship needs to sail, character development is at a T, i love these two dorks so much, I'm bad at details, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, i need more bakudeku, bakudeku, KatsuDeku, these two??? i love em, A very subtle of kami and kiri aha, brief but worth it?, also yes im bringing yamikumo in here, like fucking look at that precious face Summary: It's winter break at UA, and Midoriya has no plans; until Bakugou shows up and changes his whole afternoon.

Kacchan's Hero Name by Noukon

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Yagi Toshinori | All Might Additional Tags: Canon Universe, Canon Compliant, Character Development, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Flashbacks, Little Izuku & Little Katsuki, Cute Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Midoriya Izuku is a Ray of Sunshine, Manga Spoilers (Chapters 218 and 219), Headcanon, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hugs Summary: Katsuki finally got his Hero License and had his first official fight against villains. He feels free, powerful and explosive. But with the acquisition of his new license, he also had to make an important choice, which will determine how people will identify him and what he was going to hear a lot of times throughout his life: a hero name. But it was all good. Katsuki has already made his choice, and he knows a certain green-haired boy will have some things to say about it.

love is blind (and deaf) by kagehinataboke

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki Additional Tags: One Shot, First Meetings, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Aged-Up Character(s), Deaf Bakugou Katsuki, Meet-Cute Summary: Izuku hesitantly opens the door, wielding an umbrella and ready to square up against a mugger. but it’s only one of his neighbors: a new one, in fact. Izuku faintly recalls him moving in a few weeks ago, but one unfriendly glare was enough to stop him from approaching. he discreetly drops the umbrella behind the door. “can i help you?”

Sugar Stardust by milkcandie *

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya, Todoroki Shouto, Kirishima Eijirou, Aoyama Yuuga, Yaoyorozu Momo, Hagakure Tooru, Ojiro Mashirao, Toshinori | All Might, Mineta Minoru, Kaminari Denki, Jirou Kyouka, Midoriya Inko, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead Additional Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Drama & Romance, Light Angst, Aged-Up Character(s), Baking, Alternate Universe - Bakery, Romantic Fluff Summary: Between baking pretty macarons and sculpting wedding cakes, Katsuki slowly falls in love with a certain green-haired coworker who has effervescent stars in his eyes. Maybe working as a pastry chef in Nowhere, Japan isn't so bad after all, especially when he’s in such close proximity to a boy who manages to beautify every little thing in his presence. ☆ A pâtisserie AU where Katsuki and Izuku are really the perfect ingredient for each other.

Life Status: Currently Holding It All Together With One Bobby Pin by Kaiwen

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Pre-Relationship, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Kisses, Sleepy Cuddles, Oblivious Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Soft Bakugou Katsuki, Drunk Bakugou Katsuki, Alternate Universe - College/University Summary: “Do you even sleep anymore, shitty nerd?” Rubbing his tired eyes, Izuku really did not want to answer that question. Katsuki was already a ticking time-bomb as it was on a good day. Now that he was most likely shit-faced, it would probably only be worse. “Don't you have a party to get back to? I think I can hear Kaminari yelling something about beer pong over there.” “Don' avoid the q'stion, Deku. When were you planning on sleeping?” “I scheduled a nap in for a week from next Tuesday,” the green-eyed boy grumbled, glaring at the book on his lap. Hadn’t he already read this page…? “I'll sleep when I'm dead.” There was silence for a moment before Katsuki loudly growled, “Yer a fucking idiot,” suddenly hanging up the phone.

Give Me Something (something to hold on to) by SurelyHeavenWaits

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Brief mentions of others Additional Tags: Insomniac Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Fluff, just pure fluff and soft sweet goodness Summary: Deku hasn't been sleeping lately- not that Katsuki cares. It's just… it's just that lately, Deku's freckles are drowning in the blue-black shadows threatening to swallow his eyes and he has a habit of napping if he stays still in one place for too long.

"I'm Better When I'm With You" by InkspillsNotebook

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Uraraka Ochako Additional Tags: Talking, Bakugou isn't great at it, Confessions, Future Planning, Fluff, this is all just fluff whoops Summary: N/A

Rain Smell by lalazee

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Developing Relationship, Secret Relationship, Fluff, Canon Compliant, Romance, Teen Romance Summary: Rise.

Let's Be Alone Together by lalazee

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Smut, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Flirting, Graduation, Comedy, Romance Summary: Prompt: Deku being aggressively forward in his pursuit of Bakugou, and how that big oaf would react to someone else actually making the first move. “Are you going to spend your entire life wishing you’d kissed me or are you gonna grow some balls and fucking do it?”

Starshine by blueslove

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: bakudeku, Bakusquad, Dekusquad, Fluff, Alternate Universe - Fantasy(references), Canon Compliant, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Falling In Love Summary: Deku’s eyes always light up when he talks about that book.

It’s as if his being lives to praise the pages, like his lips don’t know how to form any other words. He speaks of the characters like they’re friends, the story as if he’d lived it himself, and the place like he’d seen it with his own eyes.

Katsuki can’t stand it.

Don't Lick The Desk (Just Another Monday) by Kaiwen *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Uraraka Ochako, Todoroki Shouto, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Kirishima Eijirou Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Alternate Universe - Professors, Established Relationship, Romance, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Comedy, Childhood Friends, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Protective Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Hisashi's Bad Parenting, Midoriya Izuku Needs A Hug, Sassy Midoriya Izuku, Soft Bakugou Katsuki Summary: Chemistry Professor Katsuki Bakugou and Biology Professor Izuku Midoriya have been in the fiercest of rivalries since they both started at the university of Yuuei. If they aren’t trying to outdo each other on who has the most obnoxious classroom ever, they are fighting against one another to try and get funding for activities when they both work out of the same tiny budget. Half of the student-body seems to “ship” them together, impatiently awaiting the day they realize they belong together. Too bad they are both already married… to each other.

Icebreaker by EtherealBeing *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Uraraka Ochako, Much of class 1-A will appear Additional Tags: Humor, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Crack Treated Seriously, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Doctor! Bakugou, Secondhand embarrassment, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia) Summary: Izuku tried his best to stay positive, and remind himself that his predicament was nothing to be ashamed of — that doctors dealt with this sort of thing all the time. Needless to say, he gave up on trying to maintain that optimism the moment his childhood friend walked in, white coat, stethoscope and all. “Holy shit, I can’t believe this!” Katsuki managed to wheeze, in between raucous, choking bouts of laughter. “You— You got a dildo stuck up your ass?!” Or: After several years of no contact, Izuku and Katsuki are reunited at the ER when the former gets a dildo stuck in his ass, and the latter is the doctor tasked with removing it.

The Spell in Her Name by Merrywetherweather *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Mature Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Original Child Character(s), Inashi Midoriya, Ashido Mina Additional Tags: bg kirimina, Adoptive Parent Izuku Midoriya, child abandonment (past), Babysitter Bakugou Katsuki, more tags to be added later, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Canon Compliant, Aged-Up Character(s), Heroes & Heroines Summary: Bakugou Katsuki returns home to Japan after his 3 year contract runs out with his agency in America. Unfortunately, the house he had contracted to be built by the time he got back has had a few setbacks and his closest friend, Kirishima, just shacked up with Ashido. Rather than live in a hotel for another month, he tries to crash at Deku's place. He arrives at his door uninvited. But Katsuki wasn't expecting Deku to already be living with someone. An adoptive child au where Deku took in and raised a little girl someone left on his doorstep.

The SKIRT by Kurohimex105(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: General Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Ashido Mina, Uraraka Ochako, Asui Tsuyu, Jirou Kyouka, Hagakure Tooru, Yaoyorozu Momo, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, Sero Hanta, Todoroki Shouto, Mineta Minoru, Shouji Mezou, Kouda Kouji, Iida Tenya, Satou Rikidou, Aoyama Yuuga, Ojiro Mashirao, Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu, Monoma Neito Additional Tags: Cute Midoriya Izuku, Angry Bakugou Katsuki, Crossdressing, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Mush, Class 1-A Shenanigans (My Hero Academia) Summary: The girls want to get their own back on the boys for tricking them into wearing those cheerleading outfits at the sports festival. The boys punishment is to make them wear a SKIRT of course what could go wrong? The girls weren't counting on a cunning Mineta to change their plans and come up with a scheme to draw lots to see who it will be. Who's the lucky guy? you guessed it our very own bunny boy Izuku Midoriya how will things turn out for our sweet greenette.

Summer Daze by erza_mikazuku

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki's Parents, Bakugou Mitsuki, Bakugou Masaru, Midoriya Inko, Todoroki Shouto, Iida Tenya Additional Tags: Reunited and It Feels So Good, Fluff, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Sweet, Childhood Memories, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, lifeguard izuku, Summer Vacation, Walks On The Beach, Beach City, Summer, Summer Festival, Jealous Bakugou Katsuki, Boys Kissing, Kissing, First Dates, Surfing, Sunsets, Sunrises, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Long Lost Friends Summary: After Izuku moved away as kids, he and Katsuki reconnect and soon find themselves inseparable on social media. As summer hits, Katsuki finds himself bored on vacation with his parents at a beach town far from home. However, a twist of fate leaves Katsuki in a daze.

License and Registration Please by mzmirrorz

Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kaminari Denki, Kirishima Eijirou, Shinsou Hitoshi Additional Tags: Soft Bakugou Katsuki, In my christian minecraft server? more likely than you think, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Inappropriate use of Careless Whisper by George Michael, Police Officer Midoriya Izuku, ProHero!Bakugo, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, Crimes, Quirkless Midoriya Izuku, Being gay and doing crimes Summary: "License and registration pl-"

"Evening officer it's been a while. What a whole week since you pulled me over last?"

"This is the sixth time this month I've pulled you over for speeding Ground Zero-"

"Katsuki, please."

Or Katsuki has the hots for Officer Midoriya and goes about asking him out the wrong way.

[lambden]

Tell me about 7 and 41!

!!! thank you for asking, i would love to! sorry this is three days late i have been Very sick

7.  Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

worldbuilding in general is something i don't spend a lot of time on for fanfiction, as the worlds are already established! but i liked getting to establish settings in these AUs: (links redirect to AO3!)

Cahir is an android aboard an abandoned Nilfgaardian spaceship / Eskel is a space pirate raiding the ship

Tissaia is a sorceress who visits the pirate queen Calanthe's ship in an attempt to charter her vessel (and also, sleep with her)

Jaskier is the accidental (unreciprocated) soulmate of 'Sam the Baker'

Letho gets injured on a spy mission and has to go to his retired rival Gaetan's secret safehouse to recover

For worldbuilding in fic I think the important aspects are setting up the expectations for the universe. as a fun treat you get to populate that universe with the characters that you and the reader already hold so dear, almost like adding easter eggs except it's. canonical characters displaced from time/space. but maybe this is just how my brain works??? lmk

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

OH SO MANY. i'm going to randomly trawl through my trove of witcher ao3 bookmarks for only a few. YMMV because these are, of course, affected by my own emotional attachment to the characters, but specifically i really enjoy how these people wrote witcher fanfiction:

the first and most obvious answer for this is Ouroboros by @octinary, aka one of my favourite fics in this whole fandom! fuck I love the writing I love the CYCLES of trauma I love the depth. god I have to go reread it all over again

for fans of Coen (yes I'm still on my bullshit and always will be) But There Is This by @brighteyedjill gave me some serious writer's envy. it's hard to balance plot with emotion and I think this fic does it masterfully

if I could write sex even one tenth as well as @grassylampshade writes it in Effortless, i would make a living off of it. because that fic really does... make it seem... effortless... ba dum TSS.

probably the best piece of writing to ever be tagged with # Sabrina Glevissig's Canonically Huge Boobs; I wish that in dark and twisted braids by @limerental had ten thousand times the comments it does now because it is So good

i could keep going. i better not. oh my god there are so many good writers in this fandom what are you all doing writing fanfiction (please keep writing fanfiction)

WAIT wait wait one last mention: @ghostinthelibrarywrites 's Cryptid Fucking For Fun And Profit because i have literally sent the premise and multiple excerpts to a friend of mine and threatened to badly plagiarize the entire thing because not only is it a VERY good witcher fic, it fits another fandom nearly to a T and. idk have you ever read an AU that you didn't think would scratch your itch and then it's the only thing you care about in the entire world? jenn you did that to me

I have several answers to both these questions that aren't from the witcher fandom, which i suspect is going to be a common thread with these asks lmao. but i want to keep it witcher-centric because that's what this blog is about. and also because this answer is already way way way way way too long. but once again thanks so much for the ask!! <3

original 'questions for fic writers' post here!

[bixgirl1]

Five Books

Tagged by @julcheninredand @writcraft to list five books that made a deep impression on me at different points in my life. Not necessarily your top five favourite books ever, nor even books you’d recommend to someone else now, but five books that were important at the time, whether you loved them or hated them.

Thank you, guys! (Also, I hate this because I have like 70k books and it made me cry that I couldn’t pick all of them. *snort*)

Taking a cue from Writcraft and going into detail under the cut because it gets long. lol 

In no particular order:

1. Phantom – Susan Kay 2. Written on the Body – Jeanette Winterson 3. The Harry Potter series – JK Rowling 4. Firestarter – Stephen King 5. The Captive Prince series – C.S. Pacat

Honourable mentions (don’t huff at me, you guys asked me about books! Just be glad this list isn’t 200 deep lol):

Shopgirl – Steve Martin Bastard Out of Carolina – Dorothy Allison Second Nature, and Practical Magic –  Alice Hoffman The Stand, and Carrie – Stephen King Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks – Rebecca Skloot

Notes on the top five below the cut:

1. Phantom, by Susan Kay

“She wanted an Angel of Music . . . an angel who would make her believe in herself at last. I'd been the Angel of Doom for the khanum. There was no reason in the world why I could not be the Angel of Music for Christine. I couldn't hope to be a man to her, I couldn't ever be a real, breathing, living man waking at her side and reaching out for her . . . But I could be her angel.”

This book. God, this book, guys. I’ve read most of the books on my list more times than I can count, but I may have read this one the most. Told from different perspectives (Erik, his mother, his mentor, his friend, Christine, and Raoul), it follows the story The Phantom of the Opera, from birth to postmortem. It shows humanity at its ugliest and most broken, and the heights it can achieve, and does it all surrounding this one brilliant, exceptional man who eventually descends into madness over his love for someone he knows he can’t have. But it’s a redemption story, too, and so bittersweet I can’t, to this day, read it without crying and feeling immensely satisfied. Erik is the perfect anti-hero — maligned at first for something he can’t help, and then later for what people have turned him into, but nearly always sympathized with, and loved by the reader. Until reading this book when I was, I think, twelve or thirteen, I didn’t know writers could do that, tbh.

 2. Written on the Body, by Jeanette Winterson

“When I say ‘I will be true to you’ I am drawing a quiet space beyond the reach of other desires.”

I cannot stress what an impact this book had on me. I first picked it up because I’d read a book of Winterson’s short stories (The World and Other Places) and I thought she had a really cool style and wanted to read more. She lived up to her short stories in style, of course, but what really blew me away about WntB — what really stole my heart and made me think — was that she wrote it in such a way that you never know if the narrator is male or female. I was around sixteen when I first read this, and still heavily involved in the church, and struggling with being attracted to girls as well as boys, and when I read this, the narrator was wholly female to me. I was reading lesbian love affair. I was stirred by it. When I think about the things that have influenced my coming to terms with my bisexuality, with me accepting who I was (though it took me longer to accept that it was okay to be who I was), this book is definitely on that list.

It’s also gorgeous, like everything she writes, so there’s that.

 3. The Harry Potter Series, by JK Rowling

“Harry saw Voldemort's green jet meet his own spell, saw the Elder Wand fly high, dark against the sunrise, spinning across the enchanted ceiling like the head of Nagini, spinning through the air toward the master it would not kill, who had come to take full possession of it at last. And Harry, with the unerring skill of the Seeker, caught the wand in his free hand as Voldemort fell backward, arms splayed, the slit pupils of the scarlet eyes rolling upward. Tom Riddle hit the floor with a mundane finality, his body feeble and shrunken, the white hands empty, the snakelike face vacant and unknowing. Voldemort was dead, killed by his own rebounding curse, and Harry stood with two wands in his hands, staring down at his enemy's shell.”

 I feel like this one doesn’t really need much explanation behind it. Lol. But I will say that I came into the HP series a few books in, around the time the first movie came out, and I was in an odd place in my life at the time. I was…listless. I’d always been a big reader, but it had been a long while since something had so captured my attention and focus, or had riveted me with its world building in such a way. I fell in absolute love with Harry, with the surrounding characters, with the social and moral parallels drawn. I kept asking myself “this is a kids series?!” There are things, in retrospect, that one can criticise about the Harry Potter series, plenty of valid problems to discuss and deconstruct. But I will never not be loyal to it, for its creativity, for its surprising depth, and for its heart.

 4. Firestarter, by Stephen King

“It was amazing how time got by, how quickly a child could change, change in front of your eyes with an unobtrusiveness that was nearly terrible.”

Many apologies to @julcheninred because I know this one was on your list too, but Firestarter meant so much to me as a kid. I dove into King’s depiction of Charlie, and the simplicity of the writing and plot blended with the complexity of the characters and their relationships. I loved the idea of a young girl with so much power — frightening and potentially deadly, but hers. And though I was too young, when I first fell in love with this book, to understand the (actually pretty overt lol) sexual metaphors, I didn’t need to. It’s not a book that requires you to figure everything out while you’re on the ride — it’s a book that makes you want to, even if that means reading it a hundred times and wearing out several copies. (Which, ahem, I may have done.)

 5. The Captive Prince series, by C.S. Pacat

“He thought of Laurent's delicate, needling talk that froze into icy rebuff if Damen pushed at it, but if he didn't--if he matched himself to its subtle pulses and undercurrents--continued, sweetly deepening, until he could only wonder if he knew, if they both knew, what they were doing.” (Book Two: Prince’s Gambit)

Okay, I know I blog a lot about this series and as a drarry shipper/writer/blogger, it’s easy to assume my reasons. And to be fair, drarry is what initially attracted me to the series. It was first recced to me by @magpiefngrl, then by @l0vegl0wsinthedark and @o0o-chibaken-o0o (thank you guys!!!!!!!) and finally I was so wound up about by them that I checked Amazon for a sample. Upon reading it, I immediately ordered copies, then read all three books online while I waited for the books to be shipped, they’re that good.

And I found it’s not about the similarities to drarry. (There are a few, but only in the most basic of ways.) It’s about the writing, which is so beautifully taut, I genuinely doubt I’ve read anything like it before. It’s about the characters, who are sharp and perfect in their imperfections, and dialogue and tension and subtly intricate plotting that thrills me anew every time I read it. It’s about a love story that feels fantastical and wildly relatable, a happily ever after that you need — and get, like a stunningly wrapped gift you never expected. The way Pacat manages to pivot an arguably hated and hate-worthy character into someone you would give your life for reads like a dream, and I’m not exaggerating when I say these books changed things in me. Maybe all small — an appreciation for simplicity in writing; a jadedness that seems to surface sometimes about my ability to immerse myself in a story — but all fundamental, and all appreciated to my bones.

Idk who’s been tagged so my apologies in advance, but @jadepresley  , @lqtraintracks, @camael-fanart, @femmequixotic, @noeeon, @o0o-chibaken-o0o @agentmoppet and anyone else who wants to partake!  <3

[pariswrites-blog]

So I decided to make a large list of plots / faces / ships that I want, which you can find below the cut. It’s long. Check it out and message me/like this if you’re interested in any of them!

MOST WANTED

So I’ve got 3 ships that I want most of all: Niels Schneider x Xavier Dolan, Daniel Sharman x Frank Dillane, and Niels Schneider x Daniel Sharman. I’m completely open plot wise for any of these though for the Niels x Daniel one, I did make this post earlier and still 100% stand by it. I will love you forever if you do one of these with me.

CANONS

TEEN WOLF

I love this show too much and am so sad to see it go so why not do some 1x1s for it? 

I love playing Isaac tbh and would love to have some ships for him. Allison x Isaac is like my OTP so if someone did that with me I would scream? I’ve also always been intrigued with the idea of Lydia x Isaac so I would totally love it if someone did that one too (and I’m cool with changing Holland’s face if you’re uncomfortable with her). Scott x Isaac, Stiles x Isaac, Jackson x Isaac are all some other suggestions. I’m intrigued with Boyd x Isaac as well so that’s a suggestion there too.

Also, sorry Thiam shippers, but I’m 100% forever on the Briam train so if someone would play Liam against my Brett, I’d be in heaven.

IN THE FLESH

Okay so, fun fact, this blog was re-purposed from an rp blog for a group that sadly died. It was an ITF inspired rp and I loved the character I played there and would love to bring him back. There was also a wanted connection I had for him that never got filled but that would be really great as a 1x1. You can read about my character Apollo Bellerose (Niels Schneider fc) here but here’s also a summary of the idea.

(Muse A is Apollo, Muse B would be your character.)

M/M -- Muse A was a wild child, a feral animal of fire and rule-breaking. Hopes for him were dashed at an early age as he set himself up as the trouble-maker. Muse B was the opposite -- tempered and popular. The only reason their paths crossed was because they grew up in the same small town, in the same class. But that should’ve been it. It was a surprise to everyone when Muse B and Muse A started hanging out together, soon becoming inseparable. They were just children but they were attached at the hip, growing into adolescence and teenagers. Muse A was still wild, Muse B was still calm -- fire and water, red and blue. When they were sixteen, their friendship evolved into something more intimate. Though the relationship could be fraught at time -- Muse A to blame in almost every case -- their bond ran deep. Or it did, until Muse B died suddenly. It was an accident or heart failure or something similar, sudden and unexpected. Too soon. One might’ve expected Muse A to go off the deep-end but, rather, he was numb, going through the motions. That was until the Rising happened and the dead came back. The world ground to a halt but with the PDS sufferers in treatment centers, the world is returning to normal and Muse A is getting back on his self-destructive track. He refuses to acknowledge that overwhelming possibility that Muse B would be one of those PDS sufferers, going so far as to avoid Muse B’s grave. With the PDS sufferers returning to Roarton though, it’s only a matter of time before Muse A wouldn’t be able to deny to it. But will an apocalypse be enough to sever their bond? Probably not.

My main suggestion for B was Xavier Dolan though I also originally suggested Daniel Sharman and Keith Powers. Matt Daddario, Bob Morley, and Dominic Sherwood would also work though Xavier and Daniel would be preferred. This is, like, one I really, really want to do still.

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS

Campy 90s shows for the win (oh, and fuck you Looper -- it’s still perfectly watchable now). Anyways. I really want a Xena x Gabrielle plot, two bad-ass women travelling through the ancient world, kicking godly asses. As much as I love Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor, I realize that they’re not really usable so I’m totally down for changing the faces. Just... Please. Badass women and a canon that totally allows for AUs in all time periods -- it’d be awesome.

THE ORIGINALS

So um... I don’t want like a really super canon 1x1 here but like, after Koleb died, I got in my head this idea of what if, when Davina brought back Kol, Kaleb hitched a ride back. Kaleb’s bitter af but he was always kind of the way in my mind. The pairing would be Davina x Kaleb and we could also make this an OT3 if there was someone who’d like to play Kol as well but that’s not necessary for me.

LES AMOURS IMAGINAIRES

Uh... Indie French cinema for the win? Yeah, I know this won’t get any bites but I’m gonna try anyways. Basically a few years after the end of the movie, Francis and Nicolas meet again. There’s been some maturing, maybe Francis isn’t as close to Marie anymore (or maybe she got married or something). It’s slow-burn reconnecting and falling in love.

FEAR THE WALKING DEAD

So... I know Troy’s a POS person but I think there was potential for evolution in his character. He was isolated from a young age with an abusive father and alcoholic mother which didn’t give him much of a fighting chance in becoming a better person. Off the ranch though, I think he could have evolved. He also had a ton of useful information about walkers. Anyways, I’d like to give him that arc. Also I want to explore that mad chemistry between Nick and Troy so yeah. This masterlist might be good for some general plot ideas and tbh the “Who’s baby is this?” one just screams Trick to me.

GREEK MYTH

This can be like modern or actual myth -- either’s cool. 

Zeus x Ganymede. Either historical like Zeus kidnaps him to be the wine-pourer and Zeus wants him but Ganymede is just perpetually pissed with him for KIDNAPPING him and Zeus has to win him over. Or maybe something modern that’s more sugary daddy/baby-ish?

Telemachus. I really love my baby Telemachus? Or Telemaque as the French would say. But, basically, there’s this suitor and he’s one of the younger ones, probably 25 or less, and not really in the running to win Penelope’s hand but eh. He doesn’t really care. He likes to tease Telemachus but as things get worse in Ithaca, he realizes he’s worried about Telemachus and starts teaching him how to fight and defending him and they start falling in love. He be all like ‘I’ll go with you’ when Telemachus goes to find his father (even though he doesn’t) and, when Odysseus returns, Telemachus has to defend him because he was technically one of the suitors and just... Please. (I’d play Telemachus.)

Odysseus x Penelope. Clever Odysseus and clever Penelope, dominating and tricking the world with their superior minds. A modern!AU.

HARRY POTTER

I love this universe so I’m super down for anything. I won’t do anything set at Hogwarts because I can never remain interested in that tbh but other stuff is cool. I highkey ship Remus x Sirius and would love to write them as long as the faces aren’t Andrew Garfield or Ben Barnes. I also love all the potential in the fucked up dynamic between Fenrir and Remus. I usually end up playing Fenrir but if someone wanted to let me play Remus in that, I’d adore you forever. A Regulus x Remus one would be awesome too. A Nymphadora x Remus ship would be cool too, as would a James x Lily or Lily x Marlene. Outside the Marauders era, someone needs to give me a Ginny x Cho ship. I also wrote a next gen son of Greyback (Lycus Greyback) once that I’d love to bring back. Maybe with Teddy? Or OCs -- OCs in the HP universe are totally okay with me.

PLOTS

So this tag has the plots I want but some I particularly want.

X. I’d like to be Muse B and maybe like have Tom Ellis as A? Or Jason Momoa? Idk. I’m open but I think it’d be super fun.

X. I’d be cool with playing either in this plot; I’d love to see Troye Sivan as A but again open but fun sounding.

“you’re supposed to be on a blind date with someone but you sat down at the wrong table and i haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise to tell you that and it’s been thirty minutes” from this post. I’ve no preferences on genders or faces just I think this could be cool.

Yo I’ve mentioned this multiple times not but THIS PLOT with Daniel Sharman as A and Niels Schneider as B -- let me play B and love. me.

“what is the ONE thing i asked you NOT to do tonight?” “raise the dead…” “AND WHAT DID YOU DO?!” “…raised the dead…” from this post. I really want to play a necromancer? Maybe we could do a Trick!AU where the walkers are because of necromancers and Troy has had to repress the fact he’s one his entire life and then Jeremiah and Jake are dead and yeah. But we could also do this as entirely OC. I’d still love it be necromancer-caused zombie apocalypse but I’m cool with other stuff.

“i’m a ghost and i’m trapped in the graveyard and i don’t normally talk to mortals but bro i have to ask wtf are you doing hanging around a graveyard is your life really this sad” from this post. open and fun again!

X. PLEASE. Any sort of serial killer plot would be awesome. Which is a weird fucking thing to say but okay.

“you and your friend always sit at the table a couple down from mine and gossip in [insert language here], which happens to be a language i’m currently learning. i’ve been eavesdropping to try and improve my listening comprehension and oh my god are you actually talking about how hot i am???” -- this please, from this post. maybe like a daniel sharman x tyler posey? or idk.

literally anything from this post but like i mention “who’s baby is this? au” for Trick in a canon divergent plot (ie. after they leave the ranch, before they get to the dam)

also this could also work for xavier dolan x niels schneider.

SHIPS

So how about a Xavier Dolan x Daniel Sharman? Or Jenna Thiam x Niels Schneider? Also Jack Falahee, Crystal Reed, Kat McNamara, Conrad Ricamora x Daniel Sharman. Other ones that don’t include Daniel, Xavier, or Niels: Eva Green x Caitlin Stasey (I’d also be cool with playing Eva if we used them for Xena and Gabrielle), Riz Ahmed x Fawad Khan (Fawad as a multi-billionaire playboy and Riz as a devoted grad student, maybe?), Charlie Hunnam x Jason Momoa, Marlon Teixeira x Willy Cartier, Andreja Pejic x Hari Nef, Andrew Garfield x Ben Barnes (but not as Remus and Sirius), Sofia Boutella x Charlize Theron.

FACES

It’s very clear that I love Daniel Sharman and Niels Schneider so they will always be most wanted, with Xavier Dolan as a close third. I feel most comfortable with them tbh and have the most muse for them (also I’ve made like 400 gifs of Niels). If you want to make me happy, let me play one of them and play one of the others against me. I would like to branch out at some point though so some others. There are honestly too many for me to list in their entirety so I’ll list only ones I have mentioned already. Bold are ones I want to play, italics I want used against me, plain are the ones I have no preference about (though I’d be open on most of the bold ones too).

Alycia Debnam-Carey, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Samuel Larsen, Adrianne Palicki, Laith Ashley, Elliot Fletcher, Iskra Lawrence, Lisa Teige, Iman Meskini, Hale Appleman, Tarjei Sandvik Moe, Adelaide Kane, Alexandra Daddario, Amber Heard, Josh Holloway, Angelina Jolie, Arden Cho, Barbara Palvin, Alex Saxon, Alexander Koch, Bianca Santos, Caity Lotz, Camila Quieroz, Cara Delevigne, Blake Michael, Avan Jogia, Austin Butler, Diego Barrueco, Bill Skarsgard, Booboo Stewart, Chloe Bridges, Byun Baek-Hyun, Diane Guerrero, Carlos Valdes, Josh Thomas, Dichen Lachman, Christopher Larkin, Eddie Redmayne, Ezra Miller, Gaspard Ulliel, Emeraude Toubia, Emilia Clarke, Famke Janssen, Gabriella Wilde, Halston Sage, Dev Patel, Douglas Booth, Godfrey Gao, Harry Shum Jr., Karen Fukuhara, Kiowa Gordon, Landon Liboiron, Matt Hitt, Matthew Gray Gubler, Keira Knightley, Kiana Lede, Lana Condor, Liza Soberano, Maira Walsh, Jamie Blackley, Jordan Fisher, Jamie Campbell-Bower, Megan Fox, Naomi Scott, Max Irons, Reece King, Richard Harmon, Natalia Dyer, Phoebe Tonkin, Priyanka Chopra, Madelaine Petsch, Seo Kang-Joon, Steven R. McQueen, Steven Yeun, Seychelle Gabriel, Shelley Hennig, Skyler Samuels, Haruma Miura, Lee Hyun-Jae, Thomas McDonell, Toby Regbo, Tom Holland, Tyler Blackburn, Joe Manganiello, Tyler Hoechlin, Cengiz Al, Froy Gutierrez, Tanya Beatty, Victoria Moroles, Zoe Kravtiz, Yoon Jeonghan.

This is not all-encompassing. There are plenty more faces. In fact, I’d love to use model faces without any resources -- just some old-fashioned writing, maybe some static icons if we feel like it.

[midgetmeredith]

I don't see how Mashima wrote Laxus ships as jokes or debunked them that way (aside from maybe Miraxus). I also don't see how Fraxus is canon in any kind of way when it wasn't not treated in the same light. It was just wasn't treated at all. If anything, Fraxus is the only joke because Laxus is into women. It's getting tiring going through the Laxus tag with this 24+7. And this comes from someone who doesn't really ship Laxus with anybody, just likes him because of how goddamn badass he is.

( 1 ) I don’t even tag characters in any of my shipping-related posts for that exact reason, so unless you’re stalking ‘pro’ or ‘anti’ tags, then idk how you’ve managed to see and take offence to asks that weren’t for you.

( 2 ) You know bisexuals exist, right? I’ve even stated prior to my latest response that I view Laxus as bi and have actually gone as far as to evidence his physical attraction to both Cana and Lucy in another analysis a month or so ago. However, within the same set of posts, I also evidenced [some of] Fraxus’ array of canon moments, which the straight Laxus ships lack immensely. I’ve argued against the fandom’s blatant heteronormativity when stating that if either one were female then they’d be accepted without question, especially since Fraxus’ moments mirror some other couples, which I referenced again in my latest comparison to Elf/Green; which likewise did not get confirmed as canon, but are obvious and have plentiful proof in the manga. How you hell you can view Fraxus – who have the most shipping moments (i.e. development, attention and narrative as a pairing) and (clearly) panel-time/interaction out of all of Laxus’ ships, as well as confirmed romantic interest from one party – a “joke”, yet personally defend Lax/ana & La/Li, as if either of them are anything substantial, is the real laughable thing here.

( 3 ) Dude, I literally never said that Fraxus was canon… Like, I actually said the opposite – that was kind of the point of the post.

( 4 ) Since you evidently have trouble comprehending a manga for young teens – yet ironically behave like one by sending someone anonymous hate, merely ‘cause you’re pissed at them insinuating your fictional fave is not entirely heterosexual and happens to have the most moments with someone he indisputably cherishes, who also happens to view him romantically – I don’t really know how I’m supposed to argue this pretty self-explanatory page:

Like I said, Mashima wrote a little Fourth Wall breaking joke during this chapter by directly addressing three of the most well-known crack-pairings that feature Laxus. He pretty clearly debunked them by reducing them to “rumours”, with this acting as an ambiguous jest since it’s externally in reference the fandom; with “rumours” equating to the large existence/presence of these ships outside of the story and the arguments of them being a thing (which he has proved before to be aware of). I mean, Lucy literally saying: “Nope. Nope! Nope!!”, when discussing the two potentially being a romantic pair just adds insult to injury and provides further clarification [to Mir/axus in particular]. My point here was that Fraxus could have also been addressed, passed off and ridiculed as a rumour, if that which was mentioned were simply Laxus ships, but they weren’t – it seems they were only the ships that he viewed as crack/“rumours” external to the manga; i.e. those that severely lacked in canon moments or were otherwise missing confirmed romantic affection, which so happen to be the ones that exclusively feature him with girls.

[To] expose the falseness or hollowness of (an idea or belief).

[To] prove that (something) is false.

( 5 ) Btw, being gay or bi doesn’t make him or anyone any less “badass”.

[capostrophe]

Rec-your-own (fanfiction edition)

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

Tagged by @slightlyintimidating yay!

Reconstruction (Starship, TUp)

This fic got a lot more love than I ever imagined. I wrote it in 2011-early 2012 during the height of Starship’s popularity as a Starkid musical. While there were a lot of TUp backstories I decided to go a little different and go forwards, exploring Taz and Up’s relationship after the events in the musical and I got carried away and had so much fun with it...when I’m in love with an OTP, I go all out and I definitely did with this fic. For a while I got a following from it and people recced it to Karri (LTD author) which astounded me because I didn’t think it was that great,  but I had a lot of fun writing it so I’m glad people had so much fun reading it. I also made a lot of Starkid friends. It was a fun time for me, sharing my OTP with a load of people who also shipped it (I guess that was because it was my first real foray into a larger fandom). Looking back, there are a few things I’d change if I gave it a major edit, including some of my less-than-adequate Spanish translations (I since took a class in Spanish so my TUp fics after that were a lot more accurately translated)and a couple of continuity errors but I’m still proud of it. It was the first really long, serious multichap I finished, standing at 26 chapters, which taught me a lot about persevering with a fic.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7311966/1/Reconstruction

At the End of the Day (Bread, Joetina)

It has some things I’d change, but I look back on this as one of my best works. I’d been reading some fics and original works in new styles, and I was inspired to try out a new writing style, straying from the typical third person, past tense and linear narrative I usually stuck with. And I was very happy with the result. I had a lot of fun world-building for not just my favourite couple, but the wider world of Bread, fleshing out the characters and their lives beyond the show, and the more I wrote, the more I was filled with ideas to the point that I wrote several spin-offs in the same universe to continue building on the other characters. I loved writing a fix-it that undid the annoyance of Joey/Roxy’s marriage at the end of the show and put Joetina together, and it was a challenge doing so in a way that was realistic and in-character, but a lot of fun. I started writing it before I’d even finished Money Angel, which I was working on at the time, and completed several whole chapters really quickly. Something I liked about writing it a bit later, setting it in the 90s and early 2000s rather than the 80s of the show, was that, having grown up in the 90s/2000s I could put in references to products etc. much more easily. This fic also had some personal significance for me, as a few issues I explored, particularly with Joey, mirrored some of my own worries.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9053772/1/At-the-end-of-the-day

A Very Umbridge Sequel (A Very Potter Musical/Sequel, Umbridge/Firenze but not pairing-centric) I was coming up to my trial HSC (mock A-levels/ finals? Idk what they call it outside Aus, but the Year 12 final exams to go to uni basically) and in my free time, wanted to write something light-hearted and fun. And I really, REALLY loved Starkid/AVPM, Joe Walker’s portrayal of Umbridge in particular. So I wrote a fic. All about that interpretation of Umbridge. Having centaur babies. Who were mini Umbridges.  I posted little games at the start of each chapter and gave out imaginary prizes (name mentions really) for reviewers who won. It got a following. I disturbed a few people. I had the most fun writing this fic of any fic I have ever written, or any story I will ever write,  because it was so stupid and hilarious. I think I was grinning/laughing to myself the whole way throughout writing it. 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7068391/1/A-Very-Umbridge-Sequel

Partners in Crime (St Trinian’s, Kelly/Flash)

Though I never finished it (and probably won’t due to being busy), I enjoyed writing scenes from lots of different characters’ points of view, getting into their heads and their way of thinking/speaking as they all gave their perspective on the same narrative. It was a really ambitious fic, exploring dark themes, a weird mafia (who in a coincidental bit of foreshadowing for my eventual Bread love were called the Black Jaguar) and an elaborate plot involving a mysterious USB, on top of the Kel/Flash budding romance. But I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. I think I would have finished it, had my St Trinian’s obsession not slid very quickly into my Starkid obsession with little room for segue (this obsession then made way for my 4-year love of Bread. I changed fandoms very quickly that year, then ended up with a long-term one).  No regrets, though. This was a different pairing for me, after 3 years of Gladys/Jeffrey, and writing for a fresh OTP with a very different dynamic was utterly enjoyable. Some great memories of early 2011 for me were sitting up til midnight typing up chapters of this fic (I handwrote nearly everything first) and hitting post.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698640/1/Partners-in-Crime

Escape from the Fist of Iron (Starship, TUp)

Another fic I’ll likely never finish, but I regret lacking the time/motivation to do so at the time. It was a what-if fic, looking at how the starship rangers’ lives would have gone if they hadn’t won the Robot Wars, and it did quite well, review-wise. I was proud of the writing and the plot I had planned, although I got a bit bored of writing out times and dates, as I usually do when I try to write them into a fic. I feel bad I never finished it, given I had a fair few reviews asking me to do so, but I started it towards the end of my interest in TUp and near the peak of my interest in Bread, so it didn’t stand much of a chance. Still, it was interesting to write and I liked bringing in crossovers from Holy Musical B@man to spice things up a little. 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8288062/1/Escape-from-the-Fist-of-Iron

Do You Still Believe in One Another? (Bread, Jack/Leonora, Joetina and others, not pairing-centric)

It was possibly a tie between this and There’s a World Outside Your Window for my favourite ATEOTD spinoff, but this one wins as I wrote it during a dark time in my life, put a lot of thought into it, and it was a challenge writing a Jack-centric fic when he’s not normally a character I think about a lot, so it brought me out of my Joey comfort zone hehe. I started writing it in 2014, left it for a while, came back to it in 2015 and then didn’t post it because a few future fics had just come out and I was worried it might be a bit too similar. It found its moment, though, when it could reflect the loss of Carla Lane and be a tribute to her, and I’m glad I could end up writing it to show my appreciation for her work. A bit hard for me to read now, given my granny died last year and it’s all about Grandad’s death. I liked the aspects of the ‘verse I introduced into this fic, though, a few more details about Joetina’s marriage, Jackonora’s relationship, Shifty and Joey’s friendship (something I wanted and still want to explore in some more fics) and some sprinklings of other issues in the ‘verse I was going to flesh out later. Of the ATEOTD fics, and my Bread fics in general, it’s one of the ones I’m proudest of.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11979200/1/Do-You-Still-Believe-in-One-Another

I tag:

@emilyweepsforpilfrey : curious to see which of your fics are your fave!

@wufantastiic : I’d love to see which of your awesome works make it on here!

@goldengaynetto : can be your old or new fics! 

[starfleetorbust]

Update. Explanation. Story.

So here’s the update that you can skip if you just want to read the story. Jen got into a really really dark place and withdrew from tumblr and from life and from everything. And no one even seemed to notice and that just made things even worse and some... stuff happened. Stuff that isn’t good. And I took solace in writing. Because I had to, because I had nothing else. And I wrote more words than I think I’ve written in my life. It kinda all came out in this huge long story that I never figured I could write so much about Spock and me. And it took all my thoughts and feelings and put them on paper. This is just a tiny snippet of it, the fic is kinda a collection of these short stories as Spock kinda guided me through my thoughts and helped me make sense of them and keep me from making bad choices. 

This one that isn’t as triggery as most of the fic, which gets really dark at points. I wanted to post the whole thing but I didn’t feel anyone wants to read it because its LONG and it definitely READS as personal and its a lot of my thoughts which I know people but if anyone is interested I really still want to post it? If anyone would even want? Because I still am proud of it, but I know it deals with a lot of things. And I mean a lot. So... idk

But explanation: This chapter (?) was my favorite and one of the least painful ones. And one that I love. And one with a good ending. And one I’m proud of. So I changed up this.  I put it in second person and figured maybe this one was worth something to someone.

Warning: Even as the most mild part in this, this is still triggery. It’s got mentions of suicidal thoughts and guns and stuff. I don’t know how to tag it.

It’s about 2000 words, I didn’t check since it was part of a bigger thing. And it’s definitely not checked. I mostly just ran over it with a vague sweep when I changed it to you’s and your’s.

It also reads very.... TOS Kirk when its out of context like this. They’re meant to be AOS? But if you want to read it as TOS that’s fine.

The stolen phaser had put the ship on red alert while the crew searched to find it. Floors had been locked down, every nonessential crewman confined to quarters. Which left you terrified, hiding in one of the back supply closets, with the phaser tucked against your chest as you climbed one of the cabinets in the back to settle on top of it where there was more room. You curled your knees to your chest and took several unsteady breaths, glancing down at the gun you’d stolen. This wasn’t like you, but it wouldn’t matter in a few moments.

The door handled juttered and the gun immediately went from facing my own chest to aimed at the doorway. The lock held and you heard the voices on the other side.

“Come on Jim, why am I coming along with you to locate an intruder?”

You heard the sound of a sigh as he pressed the buttons into the panel to unlock the door. “Because Bones, there’s no ships in the vicinity. No planets. This was someone already on board. And no one in their right mind on my ship would steal a weapon for any purpose. So it’s gotta be someone in their wrong mind. And /that’s/ what you’re here for.”

You heard a groan as the door opened and you immediately saw the small team that must have been searching the deserted hallways. The captain was there with the CMO on his heels and a security with a phaser trained into the room. Spock trailed behind them, barely visible from the doorway.

“Y/n…” Kirk said, taking the entire situation in hand. You clearly were holding the stolen weapon, hidden in a room. He sounded like he didn’t want to believe the situation in front of him. He grabbed his communicator. “Bridge, put the ship on yellow alert.” The alarms went quiet and you saw his jaw set as his voice took on what you could only call his captain’s voice.

“Y/l/n, what are you doing in here with the stolen weapon?”

You shook your head and tried to pull the phaser closer to you, but the security saw the movement and jumped. Startled, you pulled the trigger without thinking and he collapsed to the ground in the room. Your eyes went wide as saucers and you shook your head repeatedly, trying to understand what you’d just done.

“Dammit! Let me see him” McCoy pushed Jim aside into the hall but was caught by Jim’s arm before he entered. “She’s still armed, Bones.”

McCoy held up his hands, tricorder in one. “Y/n, I need to look at him, can I step in.”

You nodded even though the phaser was still aimed in your shaking hands. McCoy moved slowy and knelt next to the guard, running a quick scan. “He was only hit with a stun but at this proximity, I better check him.” He glanced to Jim who nodded and McCoy carefully picked up the passed out guard and slipped out, heading to medbay.

Your eyes went to Spock now that he wasn’t blocked and you saw a mixture of disbelief and betrayal in them. He didn’t understand, you weren’t trying to hurt anyone. He didn’t understand that you just meant to make things better, this wasn’t supposed to involve anyone else. He must have thought you were a monster.

“I didn’t mean to shoot him,” you whispered loud enough Jim could hear.

“Y/n, what are you doing with that phaser.” He stepped into the doorway with his hands in front of him, making sure he wasn’t a threat.

“I didn’t mean to shoot him,” you repeated. There were tears clouding the edge of your vision.

“And I believe you, y/n. But I need you to lower your weapon and talk to us.”

You realized the phaser was still pointed at the doorways and you lowered it, watching some of the tension of the captain disappear now that you were listening.

“Hand over the gun, y/n.” Your eyes were locked on Spock though, who was still looking like he didn’t want to believe the mess in front of him.

You couldn’t hand it over. You knew if you did, you’d be charged with the assault of an officer and the theft of a weapon. They’d throw you in the brig and then you’d never be able to continue with this. You shook your head and tightened your grip.

“I don’t want to have to order you to hand it over. This can be resolved peacefully, y/n.”

You shook your head harder and felt the tears finally break through, and fly from your eyes. “I can’t,” you said through a cracked voice. “I messed up. I can’t go back now, I can’t…”

“Yes you can,” he insisted firmly. Your eyes hadn’t left Spock’s and now he glanced back at the first officer behind him. “Spock, we need her to come down peacefully. I know she’ll listen to you.”

You saw him step into the doorway, face completely stoic but his eyes betrayed his uncertainty. You knew he’d made a promise once to never order you into a situation that made you uncomfortable, and now you could see him trying to figure out how to get your down without breaking that vow.

“Ashayam,” he said slowly, “why did you take it?”

“I needed to go.”

“Go-?” Jim started but Spock shook his head to indicate this wasn’t the time.

“I need to go Spock. I can’t do anything here. I’m useless, and no one cares.”

“You are mistaken if you believe-”

“Am I?” you countered and slumped slightly. “Last week I didn’t show up for three shifts in a row. You know who noticed? No one. I wasn’t even reprimanded. I could have been dead and no one would have even realized. No one cares about me, Spock. No one notices when I’m gone. No one sees when I suffer. I’m better off gone.”

Jim looked like he was going to say something but Spock held up a hand and let you continue your rant. You needed to get this out.

“It wasn’t supposed to go like this. I was gonna take the weapon and then I’d be gone before they could notice and the phaser would take care of the body. They’d find the missing item in a back closet and no one would think twice about it. No one was going to get hurt, Spock. But now I have to do it. I can’t even try to live a life I’ve just screwed up beyond repair. If this goes on my record I’d be pulled from the ship and the only thing that was anchoring me this long. Don’t you understand? I have to do this Spock.”

“Y/n,” Jim said carefully. “If this is about the charges, I can make you a deal. Ericson was only hit on stun, and from your own story, you didn’t steal the weapon for malicious purposes. You hand over the phaser and come down, and I’ll drop both charges.”

It sounded almost too perfect but you glanced to Spock and he knew your apology from your eyes without it being said. You shook your head slowly. You came here to disappear, you didn’t want to stay on the ship like this. “I can’t. No one cares. No one noticed I was gone before. No one will even know but you two.”

You’d learned to read Spock well and his eyes seemed to almost chuckle. It was a sad chuckle but you saw it. “K’diwa. Jim noticed the minute you were late to shift. I asked him not to take any action. I wished to check on you, but your doors were locked and it would have been an invasion to override your quarters. After several crewman expressed worry that you had not showed up to the dining hall, I asked Doctor McCoy to check that you were eating. Once I was assured that you were, I knew you would come to me if you needed. I apologize that I did not make my presence more available to you.”

You tried to process the words, but you couldn’t seem to decide it he was truthful or exaggerating the story to make you come down.

“If dropping the charges won’t make you give me the phaser, what will?” Kirk tried.

“Nothing,” you said shifting your gaze to the tool. You knew you could just end this now but you felt something was stopping you. Perhaps the way Spock was watching you, the disgust now replaced with fear and worry.

“There must be something,” he pressed. “We can get you help once you come down. What is it you want?”

“A kiss,” you shot snarkily before you could think. You needed to think. This was all too much and he was interrupting your thoughts.

Jim chuckled. “You know, I’m flattered. If you really insist on one…”

“Not…. Not from you,” you tried to amend, realizing what you’d said.

“From Spock?” he asked with a chuckle, and you glanced down. You hadn’t kissed Spock yet. Your relationship was new and you knew he enjoyed your company but now after everything you doubted he’d want to kiss you. He probably would want to terminate the relationship of someone so unstable.

“I’ll accept.” He broke your thoughts. When you blinked hard and looked up he nodded softly. “Come down and hand me the phaser and I will kiss you.”

“I’ll even do you one better,” Jim offered. “After you get your kiss, head down to medical with me. If we get you set up with Doctor McCoy, I’ll drop those charges anyways. This doesn’t have to be the end of a good officer. This needs to be the beginning of a healing.”

Glancing between the two of them, you finally slid down and Jim stepped aside as you walked over to Spock. He held out his hand and you hesitantly set it in it, knowing that was your chance. He locked it on his belt out of reach and instantly pulled you into familiar arms. You instinctively pressed your head into his chest. A finger guided your head up to look at him and your eyes locked only a moment before you were caught in the kiss.

His lips were warmer than you’d expected despite his naturally cool temperature. They were soft and gentle as he guided you in the motions you were almost to nervous to think about. You felt yourself dissolve against him until he finally parted and rested his forehead to yours.”

“I don’t ever want you to feel this way again. We will get you help, y/n. I won’t lose you.”

You nodded silently against him and when you looked back up, Jim was offering his hand. “I won’t force you to come with me. But I have a feeling you want to.”

You took his hand carefully, and glanced back at Spock. “Can he come with us?”

Jim nodded. “Of course he can.”

You felt Spock’s arm wrap around your back. You leaned into him as Jim took the lead and guided to you medbay. For the moment you didn’t feel so ignored.