#idk what to tag this. it doesn't apply specifically to any one 'type' of neurodiversity though yknow

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Neurodiversity and Attrition

Something I hate about being neurodivergent is the constant attrition I experience in my own head, and day-to-day life. There's not a day that goes by where I don't need failsafes and backup plans and relaxation techniques and additional strps just to do what someone without any conditions can do without thinking. I cannot simply "go about my day". It's like trying to resist erosion on a coastline - I need constant barriers against the attrition wearing my life down, and those barriers need constant maintenance.

I'm not talking about the judgement that can be faced if you don't manage to "keep up" with this maintenance, to resist the continuous friction faced when trying to do chores or work tasks or almost anything else (though that isn't fun either). It's not just about the external stuff either - honestly this is largely also about internal work on emotional regulation and symptom management. I mean just. It's so fucking frustrating to know that every day forever I'm going to need all these extra steps, these barriers against that friction, just to live my life. Sometimes I'll need fewer barriers, sometimes more, sometimes the barriers will need less maintenance and sometimes I'll need to constantly monitor all of them every day otherwise whoops I've lost land entirely and now I need to spend even more effort trying to replenish it. Just depends how the tide is feeling that day or week or month or year.

I think it's part of why neurodivergent people of all kinds tend to form their own communities. Yeah it's in part because often we communicate differently to how neurotypicals would, but I think it's also because we're just fucking desperate to find anything - a space, an activity, a group, whatever form the community takes - that doesn't add to the constant endless undying eroding tides.

It never stops and I hate that and fuck me is it exhausting.