#idk what this even is I just had the mini from like 10 years ago

[theplagueraven]

Had fun painting this guy! It was neat trying out gradients for the first time

[outsidereveries]

old requests from curiouscat (11th march 2024—4th may 2024)

still 11th march 2024

how is the current relationship between Teddy with Yang Hyunsuk and YGE?

with Yang Hyunsuk: 8 of swords rx, knight of swords rx, page of swords, 4 of pentacles rx, the emperor • 4 of swords

Roughly, don't communicate at all.

with YGE: king of pentacles, the magician, 8 of pentacles rx, 6 of cups, the lovers rx • 6 of pentacles

Total mess, the company wanted him to make beats (and obviously, not only) for BABYMONSTER but Teddy refused (probably because he wanted to MANAGE them but YGE refused so Teddy did the same; fair enough). Because of that, YGE searched for more producers to replace him :)

15th april 2024

will the cancellation of Tyla’s tour and promotion for her album affect her career?

8 of pentacles, 9 of cups, 4 of pentacles rx, 2 of wands rx, knight of wands • queen of swords

No, I would say it's better that she cancelled her tour and promotions, otherwise something worse might've had happened in the near future.

19th april 2024

are there K-pop idols that could’ve been through similar situations like Drake Bell and etc. (ex. "Quiet on Set", an documentary) when they were younger in the K-pop industry in secret? is there a lot of wickedness in the K-pop industry just like the western industry?

5 of wands rx, page of cups, death, knight of wands, king of wands, 8 of cups rx, 10 of cups rx • the hierophant

Fortunately, not to that extent the Nickelodeon documentary showed (including the rumors). I can see a frequent situation, related to plastic surgeries. For example, X staff wanted Y trainee/idol to make rhinoplasty, or doing another thing, related to cosmetic surgery to make the future idol matching the Korean beauty standarts (mostly it's like that but the reasons seem to be mainly for aesthetic purposes. BTS' RM was exception from what I remember years ago?) For many cases (i am unsure if most is more appropiate), Y (no matter who, I'm trying to explain the example I'm seeing) refuses to do that consciously, sometimes more than once. Although there can be cases where X isn't forcing and were with good intentions towards their future popularity/relevance whether solo or group-wise (I am remembering Chenle refused to do rhinoplasty when he was 12), mainly there were coercion, sometimes even turned into physical violence from X towards Y (I remember Hyeju, previously Olivia Hye, was forced to remove her freckles when she was trainee before LOONA, she cried from what I remember) to do it anyways. Apart from that, fortunately, nothing worse. The mental abuse being there .. yeah, I can see it there, but again, it wasn't with that extent it was with Nickelodeon and that guy as a creator and idk what else. It was also like an illusion in a way or another for ✨the kids to make their dreams come true✨.

20th april 2024

will another member depart from LE SSERAFIM?

page of swords, 7 of wands, 6 of wands, 10 of swords rx, 2 of pentacles, the hanged man • queen of cups

Until the end of LS' 7-year contract, no, noone will leave the group and the lineup as of now looks fixed. However, I see more lengthy hiatuses for the group altogether for releasing songs. They might drop a full album (or releasing few mini albums) and then they could drop the hiatus status for longer time than expected either due to many solo gigs (I can see it for Chaewon and Yunjin? Sakura? Eunchae to some extent? I don't see it with Kazuha for some reason) or because of member/s' unstable mental health. They could be missed in the future.

how will be the situation regarding FEARNOTS defending LE SSERAFIM's singing abilities?

2 of pentacles rx, the lovers, the devil rx, 2 of wands, justice • 5 of swords rx

In a year-two, I don't see it changing drastically. There can be a member-two (probably Kazuha and Eunchae; I don't see Sakura being here, she might be in average level) whose vocals will stay the same and it can be unsatisfying. The "beef" can be the usual between the K-FEARNOTS thinking LS having average vocals and I-FEARNOTS thinking they can sing SING and are talented but I don't see it getting any worse.

will xiaoting be successful in the future?

the high priestess, queen of swords, knight of cups rx, 8 of swords, 5 of swords rx • page of cups

With one word, no. With more details, I see Xiaoting's intentions trying to make the ✨Sakura's route✨ where she continues in South Korea. I don't see it happening with her as the options for Xiaoting are clearly limited. As she actually knows her worth, I can see Xiaoting coming back home in China because she clearly will have no choice. I do see her trying to the point she has no options, she seems to be very naive. I can see her "older age" (as it's more prone for Korean companies to debut teenagers) the main reason why it won't work out. After July 2025, at least for now, she could have more possibilities to work everything out and be successful in her own way.

will xiaoting be scouted by another korean company?

justice rx, queen of wands rx, 8 of pentacles • knight of swords

Sorry for being too harsh, but no. Like I said, she'll try her luck but up to there. Noone seems to want her as of now.

how will 2024 go for xiaoting?

queen of wands (that seems to be Xiaoting herself), the moon rx, 2 of wands rx, the hanged man, judgement rx • 8 of wands

Xiaoting seems to take rest in one way or another, so possibly a ✨year gap✨ hiatus. She should look for her mental health as it's more prone to be unstable due to her circumstances.

will babymonster be as successful as blackpink?

the lovers, knight of swords, 2 of cups, the magician, 3 of pentacles • death

Compared to their seniors, until the end of BAEMON's 7-year contract (and maybe a half), unfortunately for BAEMON, something will be missing for YGE to reachieve similar success, and this time is related to one of the audiences YGE is targeting rather than the company's management/producers. I can see BABYMONTER's relevance being similar to 2NE1's, where they were mainly successful in SEA (at least that's what I remmeber) and even though 2NE1 achieved some things in USA (and I can see it for BAEMON too), 2NE1 weren't mentioned enough outside of Asia from the outsiders (GP). They'll succeed in Korea, they'll succeed in SEA as a whole but outside of there, no. The k-pop fans or BABYMONSTER's fans outside of SEA won't be enough for the outsiders and unless YGE change somehow BAEMON's discography trajectory, it'll stay the same.

what big hit music is planning for txt in the long term?

5 of pentacles rx, lovers rx, judgement rx, justice rx, 4 of swords rx • knight of pentacles

BHM's plans aren't certain because there's external forces from HYBE's side. Although BHM is independent from the corporation, HYBE is trying to make BHM easily controlled (I'd similar to the relations between EU's most influental countries and EU's .. sorry, marrionetes) in which makes BHM's plans fucked up as their freedom is actually risked. Apart from that, BHM wants TXT to be as free as BTS, but that seems to not work out as BHM is in trembles.. These cards were the second try. I saw many people in the first spread that I preferred to put it aside as I didn't saw anything. This spread explained the intentions better to me.

mark, career check

king of pentacles, page of cups, queen of pentacles, 7 of swords rx, 4 of swords rx • the lovers

Mark seems to be around the staff he's working with. He might drop something, possibly a song (cover/single).

will baemon get their 1st win on the next comeback/a song that is well-charted in korea soon?

justice, 5 of pentacles rx, 10 of swords rx • temperance

this solely depends on the korean outsiders. if baemon's next tt grows like sheesh (i'd say like kiof's midas touch tbh), then sure. they could do it. as of now it's uncertain to me.

24th april 2024

[geomancy] will the things get better for txt in the future? will they be free to do what they want? is there a reason why txt is treated differently compared to their counterpartners in Hybe?

the collective answer is Laetitia, which is the combination between 11th and 15th house — Yes, the things will be better for the group at least from creative perspective.

- Rubeus and Acquisitio: If the MV storyline of the group aligns with the solo activities and the creative freedom it will be good. However more intensive gigs and similar type of creative freedom will do TXT way better. They might be good at philantrophy-related activities and can be beneficial.

- again Rubeus: The situation surrounding the coorporation doesn't seem to change even in the future. However I see Big Hit Music tricking the coorporation in one way or another and I also see the current situation between ADOR and BELIFT easing the things for BHM to do what they want to do. I don't have my tarot cards now, so geomancy does the job.

1st house: Caput Dragonis (1st from actual 11th house)

2nd, 6th house: Acquitisio

3rd house: Populus

4th, 11th house: Amissio

5th, 7th, 9th house: Rubeus

8th house: Fortuna Major

10th, 12th house: Tristitia

Overall answer: Laetitia (11+15 house)

le sserafim, 2024 career

Houses:

1, 2: Acquisitio (3rd, 4th)

3: Puella (5th)

4: Laetitia (6th)

5, 10: Fortuna Major (7th and 12th)

6, 12: Fortuna Minor (2nd and 8th)

7: Albus (9th)

8: Cauda Dragonis (10th)

9: Populus (11th)

11: Via (1st house from 11th house is here!)

Overall: Amissio

Until the end of 2024, if LS' team wants to do everything properly, including the girls, Cauda Dragonis shows basically bad, bad and bad things for LS. If they stop to be scandalous in one way or another or when coming back, releasing similar MVs as Antifragile (also to some extent Fearless), their popularity will die down quickier than expected and SouMu might reconstruct LS promotion-wise, such as relying onto solo activities the most. I can see LS doing their job as usual, therefore they'll be as "scandalous" as usual. Related to how they'll earn, although everything is quite good, there are some mistreatments, their salaries aren't coming on time and/or the salaries the girls should earn aren't the ones they actually earn. Although having some creative freedom, the girls are more likely to be "lazy" and it seems like that the hate LS is receiving is justified in one way or another. They'll still be liked from the corporation anyways. LS seem to receive an important offer for group-related activity, by the way.

25th april 2024

ls, career readings (2025-2028)

2025 | 2 of swords rx, page of pentacles, judgement rx, 7 of wands rx, knight of wands, 8 of pentacles • the hermit

Next year, compared to the reading I did last year, the self-sabotage energy surrounding the girls is still prominent. Although there will be plans for the group to be one of the greatest in the industry, there can be delays, so.. longer hiatus(es). For that, the energy seems to be stable. The new insight I've been seeing here with the last 2 cards might be related to individual project of one of the LS members. The court cards can be Yunjin (earth vedic sun sign) and Chaewon (fire tropical sun sign) respectfully, so the project thing might be related to one/both of them.

2026 | the hanged man, 3 of pentacles, 7 of cups, 2 of pentacles rx, 10 of swords rx, 8 of swords rx • 3 of swords rx

Similar to what I saw last year, LS still seem to have "longer hiatus" than expected. Therefore, SouMu will be focused on individual activities for LE SSERAFIM which for the girls will be far more beneficial. I can see the rough plans SouMu's team will plan in that year and nothing specific yet but the offers will possibly be MANY. The subsidiary will have hopes everything to work out for the group's popularity in their last 3 years (before the end of their 7-year contract) for at least 1 group comeback? I still don't see LS being active as a group (if I have to compare with this year, 2023 and 2022 so far) as current days.

2027 | the magician, king of pentacles, ace of swords, 8 of cups, knight of cups • king of wands

The court cards seem to be:

• Yunjin, King of Pentacles

• Sakura, Knight of Cups

• Chaewon, King of Wands

On the bright side, LE SSERAFIM seems to take as similar route as BLACKPINK where all members are more focused on solo activities. As Kazuha and Eunchae aren't here, in 2027 their energies aren't just as strong currently, so I have no clue for them. Yunjin might start to build her solo career with more solo songs for example (The Magician is before her). Sakura seem to focus on activites back in Japan as these will be the most beneficial for her. Chaewon on the other hand is yet to decide of her path (she might also be a soloist but nothing specific as of now) but it seems that she'll be just as successful as Sakura and Yunjin. As Kazuha and Eunchae aren't here, it looks like they might be in the other girls' shadow for now. Whether mistreated or not, that's yet to be revealed.

2028 | the high priestess rx, 2 of cups, the star rx, king of cups rx, ace of cups • 9 of pentacles

Similar to what I saw last year, LS might disband in 2028, just a year earlier than their contract expiration in 2029. The news will be sudden (but not suprising) and there's strong deja vu here with how GFRIEND disbanded. It might be similar for some reason.

between hybe and min heejin, who's telling the truth?

Min Heejin: ace of cups, 2 of pentacles • 10 of swords rx

ADOR (collective "answer"): the chariot, 2 of wands • temperance

Park Jiwon (HYBE's CEO): 3 of pentacles, the high priestess • 2 of cups

Bang Si Hyuk (HYBE, chairman): 4 of swords, 10 of cups • the fool

BELIFT LAB (collective "answer"): 7 of cups, 3 of cups • the tower

Kim Taeho (BELIFT's CEO): king of swords, ace of wands, the emperor • 9 of wands

HYBE (collective "answer"): 5 of swords rx, king of pentacles • the hanged man

First, the significant people. Out of these 4, Min Heejin seems the most sincere. (Therefore, I'd say she tells the truth the most out of them) Kim Taeho on the other hand, like I saw in the past but with his company, is the one who has the worst intentions possible. Seeing the cards for BELIFT in mind, he lied the most out of everyone (and I'd even say that he might has ill intentions towards Min Heejin), while Park Jiwon seems to be a puppet for BELIFT's CEO. They definitely worked together. Well, nothing compares to Bang Si Hyuk. He's actually the clown for the whole situation and possibly not only. I believe he's been used for quite some time. He isn't sure what to say, to be honest. Second, the collective answers from the companies. ADOR's the most clever here too. They're as cautious as possible. HYBE on the other hand tries to be passive but Park Jiwon's involvement is too evident imo. BELIFT are the clear "devils" here, it's just too obvious. I believe BELIFT's management should be changed, including the CEO. HYBE's CEO should be changed in my opinion too.

will bang sihyuk, txt and bts leave hybe altogether?

the chariot, the devil rx, 6 of pentacles, 10 of swords rx, 8 of cups • the magician

Currently, yes, I believe so. But it will be in a few years, at least these are the current energies.

will the "next bts" be a group (somehow helped) by min heejin?

2 of swords rx, 3 of pentacles rx, 3 of wands rx • 9 of wands

Currently strongly no, it will be a challenge (for Min Heejin) to be involved in a future group that will have the potential to be as successful as BTS.

will smngg debut successfully?

death, 4 of swords rx, the star, the sun, 5 of cups rx • the hierophant

Being as short as possible, yes. However, the success will be similar to another group's. It won't be visible/obvious, though.

if there's upcoming scandal for boynextdoor, will min heejin be involved?

ace of pentacles, the high priestess rx, queen of swords, 7 of swords, the hanged man • king of pentacles

Directly to her (fortunately) no, but (unfortunately) rather someone from her family, possibly distant nephew/cousin.

will kazuha return to ballet?

ace of swords, page of pentacles, 10 of cups, the fool • 9 of pentacles

She might be ballet teacher, but she won't be ballerina again. It's yet for Kazuha to plan and decide.

huening kai, brief career reading (2027)

9 of swords rx, 2 of pentacles, king of cups • the empress

Might jiggle between TXT and his future solo career. He might debut solo by that time?

yeonjun, brief career reading (2027)

3 of swords rx, 5 of cups, death, ace of pentacles • 7 of swords rx

He might want to do something specific in 2027, but the plans will fall through. Since I see solo-related activity here, he'll choose one that's beneficial for him and will make his popularity go up.

will baemon ever break away from the girl crush/dark concept and do something different?

2 of wands, temperance, ace of wands • king of swords

It solely depends on YGE's founder. Despite that, the chances are here. The answer isn't certain for now, to be honest.

27th april 2024

after the dispute with MHJ and HYBE die down, will there be any big changes?

the hanged man, 8 of cups, the fool rx, knight of swords, 2 of wands • strength

There might be changes in BELIFT's team such as CEO or a few people in important positions in the subsidiary. Min Heejin seems to stay as of now. My head's currently hurting because of the question, so I believe this is significant. The changes might happen after the audit, there might be some more (1-2) after the one towards ADOR before that. There can be some transfers in the corporation's staff or in BELIFT's staff.

will newjeans stay under hybe or leave?

the empress, 4 of swords, 7 of swords, 4 of wands, 3 of swords • 6 of cups

Currently will probably stay under HYBE. Deep inside, NewJeans will try to be more free in one way or another (behind the scenes) but they don't have issues with ADOR, the girls are actually satisfied being there. They might dislike HYBE in one way or another.

ateez, brief career reading (2025)

the hermit, ace of wands, the high priestess, 5 of pentacles rx, the empress • 4 of swords

Apart from some singles here and there, The Golder Hour series (I'm unaware if this will be with 2/3 parts or more so sorry) seem to be the last serious comeback-related releases we will ever see from ATEEZ as a group. In 2025, they seem to disband because everyone in the group will think this is for the better of everyone. I can see ATEEZ members focusing on solo activities but up to there.

29th april 2024

aespa, brief career reading (2027)

justice, queen of pentacles [Karina], 9 of pentacles, knight of cups [Giselle], the high priestess • 6 of swords

In the girls' seventh towards their eighth year, I actually see aespa taking similar route as their unnies (Red Velvet, f(x), SNSD..) and focus way more on solo activites as they earn more through them. As of now, Karina and Giselle will be the most satisfied members so far. Ningning might return home to China (as the reading shows the rough energy because it's still so far away towards 2027, I don't think it's fine to ask whether Ningning will leave SME or will stay, however Justice might show some tendencies). About where's Winter.. I don't see her.

stray kids, brief career reading (2026) - will they still be a group?

wheel of fortune rx, 6 of pentacles, king of pentacles, ace of pentacles, ace of cups • 9 of cups

With one sentence, they'll do what BLACKPINK did - "renew" their group contracts (i.e. JYPE using the group for merchandice and etc., etc. that doesn't involve any activities at all) while leaving as an individuals. Compared to the girls however, they're more prone to officially disband as a group and will focus way more on solo gigs.

txt, brief career reading (2026)

8 of wands rx, the lovers, the hierophant, 4 of wands, page of pentacles • 3 of pentacles

Their path seems to be very similar to MAMAMOO's where some members will agree to group activities while having their solo journeys elsewhere. Their 7th year seems to have a bit longer hiatus where MOAs might be very eager to learn whether they'll renew or not and I see some members actually renewing (maybe 3?) while others not and focusing their solo careers in another company. After that, I see it like usual, to be honest: releasing something, promoting, these things. Maybe they'll have less concerts after 2026? But apart from that, it's foggy for me.

kiss of life, brief career reading (2026)

wheel of fortune, the magician rx, the tower, 5 of wands rx, 5 of swords • strength

Related to the companies mtl thing I did last year, there will be a scandal, related to one of the girls' dating life in which she (I don't know who it will be) will have bigger age-gap with the person she'll be seeing with. This scandal, however, will be a cover up FOR ANOTHER SCANDAL in S2, related to someone who is/will be in the higher positions in the company (i can see them cheating on their beloved and since it seems to be a major thing, then the other person is actually... famous domestically). Apart from that, KISS OF LIFE will try to promote as usual, however, the scandals might make a turn towards the company's bankrupt. I'm unsure whether AURA will bankrupt with S2 or not here as I don't have any clue.

enhypen, brief career reading (2027)

wheel of fortune, 10 of cups, king of pentacles, the sun, 8 of swords rx • the hermit

I can see a goodbye concert/tour/release from the boys where they'll just do it "like the old times", or remember the best sides from themselves, something like that. The sun reversed being here however, is BELIFT's sadness that they are disbanding. Honestly, the subsidiary will want the boys to stay. I can actually see Jungwon saying "I did whatever I could, now we are disbanding, that's what WE WANT". I see that all members will leave BELIFT but only a few will leave the corporation. I see some of the boys moving to PLEDIS or another company where the solo gigs can be done there. I also see one-two members having higher positions, related to office-related jobs, to be honest. The other ones will leave HYBE, at least from what I feel/see.

txt's upcoming tour

How it will go (overall): 3 of swords rx, 10 of swords rx, page of pentacles rx • 4 of wands

Quite neutral for some reason, but there can be postponed/cancelled dates. As usual?

Success: 2 of pentacles rx, queen of cups, 2 of cups rx • the empress

Uff.. not so much. Might be appreciated only by the fandom of TXT, to be honest. There can be many, many changes behind the scenes. Sales (energy check thing): the hierophant rx, 8 of wands rx, knight of cups rx, king of wands • death In reality, behind the scenes, NO. However, we will think they are "sold out". I can see many people reselling their tickets, posisbly most of them bots where their tickets won't be bought right away comapred to before, therefore with the site that MOA will buy the tickets they will be "sold out" but they actually won't be sold out.

did Min Heejin use witchcraft against BTS or anyone in the K-pop industry? did HYBE spread false claims against her to make her look bad to the public?

first question: 8 of swords rx, the devil rx, queen of wands • 7 of swords rx

no, she is more mature than some of the international fans think. she seems to believe in the karma (that whatever you're doing, you'll receive it in the future).

second question: knight of pentacles, 3 of pentacles, page of swords • 4 of pentacles rx

yes :) yes, they did.

will BTS be still together in 2025 or not?

king of pentacles, 2 of wands, queen of wands • the devil rx

i could say yes.. yes, sure, they can release something as a group. it's yet to be decided what their next comeback will be but sure, why not? they can be a group after the military. (i felt this wasn't even, like, although it's planning, the guides didn't thought about the question at first, it felt really natural like they were brothers forever and ever, therefore for the boys bts is just more than the most famous k-pop group, like they're family, and the same seems to be for bhm)

will bighitngg debut in 2025 or 2026??

2025: the lovers rx, 9 of pentacles, 10 of swords rx • 4 of wands

No.

2026: 3 of pentacles rx, page of cups, 6 of cups rx • the fool

Also no. They seem to be dreaming about it, though, like the subsidiary trying to vizualise them?? That has never happened to me tbh so it's unusual.. I asked separately my pendulum, as of now, there might not be a girl group from Big Hit Music (overall).

bts, brief career reading (2025)

2 of pentacles, 7 of cups rx, king of cups, the hanged man rx, 8 of pentacles • 5 of cups rx

The boys might do worse (comapred to pre-military) from successful point of view. BTS might jiggle between their solo gigs and group activities. I can also see their creativity increasing, so maybe a possible world tour?

4th may 2024

babymonster, brief career reading (2028); will yge screw them?

3 of wands, 5 of wands, 2 of cups, 9 of cups, 9 of pentacles rx, justice rx • 4 of cups rx

Roughly, their career might not be that screwed up by YGE. It looks like that the path itself will be very similar to a group they had in the past (I am unsure if that group's BLACKPINK or 2NE1). BABYMONSTER might rely on gigs in foreign places as I see they'll travel from place A to place B (and so on). BAEMON might be very, very mistreated in relation to their future activities whether they'll be solo or not as the girls might be very dependent on YGE's intentions and actions.

will there be any groups from the 4th gen that’s will track their 10th year anniversary, or everyone will be disbanded?

8 of swords rx, 2 of swords rx, 5 of wands, 4 of cups, the hermit • 7 of pentacles

Even if there will be a group (whether if it'll be just a one or a few), this event will be simply ignored due to some conflicts in the members' life (doesn't matter if they're in their personal life or not). Some of the groups who'll meet the 10-year-anniversary will want to celebrate it, of course but they might not match when they'll be free.. something like that. Also, I doubt that there can be any celebration from the groups that will survive for the involved fandoms? I just feel that it'll be eventually some sort of personal meeting and won't be seen through SNS lives or fan meetings, something like that. Maybe through mini cafe meeting but I also doubt this. Roughly I can see there can be a few groups from the 4th generation that can track at least 10 years but it can be celebrated privately and not in front of the public eyes.

newjeans, career reading (2024)

queen of pentacles rx, 5 of wands rx, 3 of pentacles, 3 of cups, 4 of wands • 9 of pentacles

Until the end of 2024, it doesn't seem to change rapidly. The support from tokkis and k-netizens is there (and possibly more people), the isolation from HYBE towards the subsidiary is there.. As usual, I believe so? I surely don't see disbandment, by the way.

newjeans, brief career reading (2025)

the devil, the chariot, 5 of cups, wheel of fortune, page of cups rx, the magician • the lovers

2025 is the year where ADOR will be shut down (thanks to HYBE's connections, the corruption seems to be the strongest influence for the reason why). NewJeans on the other hand won't disband. I do see another group disbanding though and it looks like it will be fromis_9, like I saw a year ago? I see NewJeans transferring in PLEDIS, like they'll feel alone and .. that stuff. Their staff who is currently in ADOR will also be transferred with them but it just won't be the same. I see restriction, related to their creative freedom where HYBE will watch them as strictly as possible. Overall, NewJeans seems to take fromis_9's place in PLEDIS. I don't see anything, related to comebacks, activities and similar stuff.

did min heejin get inspiration (for newjeans' discography) from her relationship with HYBE?

death, the hermit, page of wands, 5 of wands rx, knight of cups • 7 of pentacles

No, nothing in common. NewJeans' discography as a whole isn't about Min Heejin's feelings towards the corporation.

(orig. worded differently) if newjeans change somehow their concept, will it make them more loved or not?

9 of swords rx, 3 of pentacles, the world rx, page of pentacles rx, 2 of pentacles • strength

After them transferring to another subsidiary (possibly PLEDIS) NewJeans seems to repeat their concept path all over again. HYBE will rely on what they've established so far. Therefore, tokkis, k-netizens and everyone who likes NewJeans might be pissed at them being repetitive concept-wise but it seems to be still liked/loved anyways. I'm more leaning to NewJeans being still loved tbh but for me it feels to be in the unknown ground where it's just not this, it's not even that..

krystal jung, career reading (2024)

6 of pentacles rx, 2 of cups, 9 of cups, 9 of wands, king of swords rx • 7 of swords rx

Until the end of 2024, Krystal seems to work somewhere? I'm unaware whether this is a drama or it's something else, but this might be the only work she'll have for a while. Her standarts, her preferences of how much she has to earn to do this and that is too high, Krystal should lower her price because in the future, noone will want to work with her because of it. She's just somehow irrelevant. :|

will newjeans have more “connections” in the future?

10 of pentacles rx, 9 of pentacles, the star rx, the lovers rx, knight of swords rx • knight of wands

No. HYBE'll rely on their current connections NewJeans/ADOR have built so far.

will txt’s tour outcomes affect the members?

7 of cups, king of wands, the moon, ace of cups • ace of pentacles

TXT will be affected, yes, but positively. They will still be as hyped as usual! They (mainly) will be unaware of HYBE's schemes. I see Yeonjun this time? He might have doubts for the corporation's actions but nothing else for the rest of TXT.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @maggiemayhemnj - thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

Ten. I was cross-posting everything for a minute there, but I lost steam and now I only post here - except for Aphelion, which I am co-writing with @something-tofightfor. That still gets posted in both places.

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

68,449 - not counting Aphelion. My tumblr word count is... a lot higher.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Right now just Pedro Pascal characters.

4. top five fics by kudos?

Gonna go by notes on tumblr instead because that's where most of my stuff is:

Bes'laar Din Djarin x F!Reader (based on artwork by @stealyourblorbos!)

Survivor Blues Joel Miller x F!Reader

Forever Din Djarin x F!Reader

The Cold Offends Me Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (The Viper & The Wild Thing universe)

Point of No Return Ezra x OFC Clara

5. do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to all comments because I appreciate them SO MUCH MORE than I can accurately convey. I love hearing from people about what they liked or what shocked them or what made them feel things, and I really love the chance to sort of have a micro mini chat about it in the comments. That being said, sometimes I completely check out and miss a whole batch or a whole fic worth of comments goes unresponded to for far too long. And I always feel bad when that happens, which sometimes results in me responding to things WAY after the comments were left, to the point where it wouldn't surprise me if the person has already forgotten the fic/what they wrote... but I haven't forgotten how much it meant to me that they read and commented on my work. So even if it's 6 months to an eternity late, I intend to respond to them all.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It Pours From Your Eyes Joel x Tess

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like most of them have happy endings, but we'll go with A Little Christmas Magic - Frankie x F!Reader as perhaps the fluffiest happy ending.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I have gotten non-fic specific hate directed at my writing before, but that was a few years ago and it hasn't happened since. Which is cool because the fewer people wasting their time and energy on being unnecessarily mean about things - let alone about stories about silly little fictional guys - the better.

9. do you write smut?

I do, but I do not consider it one of my strong suits, and I typically only include it if it fits with the overall story though a few times I have written smut just to be filthy as a challenge... and as a treat.

10. craziest crossover?

I've been slowly spinning a True Detective x Tim Rockford crossover like a rotisserie chicken for months but I've only managed to jot down a few unconnected snippets thus far. And a title. It's gonna be called (maybe, if I ever actually write it) Flat Circle, Twisted Game.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but if I did I would be absolutely PISSED. And I can't say I'd be nice about it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but that would be cool AF.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I am currently co-writing Aphelion with @something-tofightfor and it is so much FUN.

14. all time favorite ship?

In all honesty it's probably Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt. I was straight up ready to stop watching Parks and Rec if they didn't end up together.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

lol what kind of passive aggressive, self-doubt feeding question is this? I'd like to finish them all and I try like hell to believe that I will.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I think it's probably describing natural settings? But maybe dialogue. Idk.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Smut. Also keeping the momentum to finish things in a timely fashion, but mostly smut.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I try to only use it when it makes sense or when it benefits the story and not just as like... a novelty or an afterthought.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Teeeeeeeeeeechnically? Like first one I ever made content for? I guess that would be the Twilight series. But I will not be sharing where to find that here. And if you find out where it is, you take that knowledge to the grave with you, you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME, FRIENDS?

20. favorite fic you've written?

Even though it's nowhere near done, I love and am so very proud of Survivor Blues. But then again, even though it's a few years old now and I feel like my writing has grown since finishing it, Point of No Return will always have a very big piece of my heart.

Tagging: anyone who sees this and wants to play! Please tag me so I can see your answers!!

[datamodel-of-disaster]

Ask game time! Thanks for the tag, @filmamir!

1. Are you named after anyone?

I keep saying if I do anything noteworthy enough in my life to deserve a wikipedia page, someone has to add me to List of things named after Bernhard Riemann - Wikipedia, so... yes.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday night, and also, longer ago than I remember. Are the tears mine if the sadness isn't? It be like that sometimes.

3. Do you have kids?

No, and thank the powers that be (mostly contraception) for that!

4. What sports do you play/have played?

No real sports, unless highschool PE counts. I was a fervent and pretty skilled skier for a while but my partner is afraid of skiing and its too expensive to go on my own, so it's been years since I did it.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Not as much as you'd think. I'm a painfully sincere person much of the time.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I hate to be *that* person, but... their vibe. Fake car salesperson smiles, awkward "haha we will ignore that!" silences, confrontational high-schooler convo style... Some people just have fucky energy, idk what else to say. That said, my actual opinion of people takes a while to form -it's like a committee vote more or less.

7. What's your eye colour?

Blue-green

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings all the way. I can watch unhappy endings if the movie is aesthetic(TM) or it's more about the art or history of the film than the narrative, but if I'm immersing myself in a story-story, the person(s) the narrative makes me root for better fucking make it to a happy end.

I'm very selective about scary movies: they need to be aesthetic, and satisfying.

9. Any talents?

... not... really? I kinda struggle with linking my qualities to "talents". I don't have many (if any) things I'm just "naturally good" at; even skill sets I'm now proud of were not something I ever had a natural aptitude for, and if I developed a skill it was 99% of the time out of necessity rather than enjoyment.

I guess I have... shockingly broad bandwidth for other people's issues. Like... interpersonal exhaustion? I don't know her, man. Mostly due to a combination of voyeuristic enjoyment of knowing and understanding things about others, my sense of empathy being almost entirely generated through fine-grained psych analysis rather than instinct, and the *very* odd given that my own personality temporarily stabilizes when exposed to interpersonal input. I'm not sure that's a talent so much as a condition, though xD

10. Where were you born?

Belgium

11. What are your hobbies?

At the moment, mostly writing Tron fanfiction. I also draw (sometimes), paint and kitbash Warhammer 40k minis (been a while), do metalwork (I need a new welding helm T_T), do gothic and fetish modelling, thrift and collect things for my house, etcetera. I cycle through hobbies mostly. Writing is my most stable one -I dare say I keeps me sane.

12. Do you have any pets?

I have a cat! Her name is Meoi (Quenya for "Cat", in honour of Huan and terrible Feanorian naming traditions -retired Silmarillion fan here)

13. How tall are you?

1m70 but most people assume I'm a good bit taller because I'm broad-shouldered and always in 17cm platform stilettos.

14. Favourite subject in school?

Oof. Tough one. I've been out of school for a good long while. The person I was in high-school would have picked physics, followed closely by math. Leaving the following period in the middle (lalala), at uni *in the major I actually graduated from*, my favourites were Architectural Theory, Medieval Image Culture, and Visual Analysis.

15. Dream job?

Oof again. Opinions divided on this one.

I like to say my dream job needs to meet the following criteria:

- I am competent at the job and reasonably regularly get this confirmed by others

- Every day at work I know largely what is expected of me, and what is expected fully falls within my capacity to deliver.

- I have tangible, well-described tasks and goals and never have to "be proactive about finding more work" or "try to look more productive".

- I have good coworkers I get along with, at least professionally.

- No extraneous admin tasks or timesheet micromanagement.

- GOOD PAY

If I'm really ambitious, I would add to that:

- I'm an expert (or just really, really good) at it.

But let's be honest, actual dream jobs Riemann over here has dreamed of having or pursuing? Interior designer/stylist, professional fetish performer/pro-domme, and Enterprise IT Architect.

Yeah.

You see why I stick to bullet point lists.

Tagging... @bowiesinspace @inquisitor-gayfax @clevermird @et-novum and everyone else who feels like it!

[pup-bois-cunt]

Recently I have discovered my top/dom side when it comes to sex. I'll never label myself as a switch, but I can top and be dominant with someone. Mostly over text. I've done it with 1 person and that is my BFF I've known for more than 10 years. Until recently that is.

You see, I've only got 1 person on my roster currently and he's this skinny, average height very shy, gentle and quiet twink. He's taller but I've got like at least 30 lbs on him lol. We tried having sex with him topping but he can't be rough for anything so I just gave up and decided to be the top so I can still enjoy myself even tho I mostly bottom.

A few nights ago we went back to his place and idk why but I've been feeling extremely masculine lately. I've been on Testosterone since February and I'm at a higher dose than I've ever been on so maybe it's that. Anyways, I was feeling very dominant that night. We eventually had sex. I'm on top 99% of the time.

So I'm on top and we're making out and I'm playing with his nipples cause they're pretty sensitive. He is also SO quiet in bed which sucks but I plan on making this man whimper for me, ok?! 😩 Anyways, we're making out and I'm teasing him and then I start jerking him off. I got faster with it cause I wanted him to cum but he stopped me and basically begged to fuck me 🥴🥴

So we put it in and I started gently riding him. During this, I'm telling him what a slut he is for my pussy and how he's always so desperate to fuck me. He kept trying to control the sex and I told him he was being a brat (takes one to know one 🤭). I even grabbed his face some (gently) and told him off a bit.

Eventually, he starts getting closer and he starts asking for permission to cum. I completely ignored him and told him to go faster, which he did. He keeps asking me to let him cum and I keep telling him to go faster. The thing is, I know he's gonna cum without permission and I wanted that to happen. It was SO hot having a front row view to the desperate look he had on his face. His eyes were closed and I could tell he was trying so hard to not cum but also fuck me harder. Eventually, he cums 🥵

We just laid there for a few minutes, very out of breath with racing hearts lol. It was some good cardio. I got up and cleaned myself up with some towels and got some water from his mini fridge and drank it and gave him some too cause aftercare folks. And there's been times before where I've made him cum on his chest or in me and I clean him up 🥰

So yeah, it's pretty interesting experimenting sexually but I'm a total sub. If he had an ounce of dominance in him, I wouldn't and couldn't be like that lol. Unfortunately he can't give me what I need sexually but he's a really nice guy and we're friends. Plus it's fun topping him from time to time.

[chickensoup1025]

I'm just gonna answer all of these rn even tho that's not the point

1. Comfort character? Leslie Knope, Kirishima Eijirou, Adrien Agreste, Iko from tlc, Kyle Broflovski, Tweek Tweak, Willow Park... and a lot more lol

2. If I had to pick between a lighter and matches I guess I'd say matches

3. No I don't leave the window open at night cause of the AC

4. I don't believe any cryptid exist/I don't really care about that stuff

5. Brown 🤎

6. Why what

7. Hair ties over scrunchies. Tighter.

8. Zero water bottles in my room right now. I have one metal one I keep on me all the time (that I've painted on) and I'm at work rn so

9. I don't drink coffee. Couple reasons. Arfid said no to trying new things, smells weird, and if I got into caffeine I'm positive I'd get addicted so. Stopping that at the source thank you.

10. I wouldn't slaughter anyone. If I was in a very specific position and situation, there's a chance I'd KILL someone maybe but slaughter is much too much. Also I don't care about the rich part

11. I like reading a lot!!

12. It's a tired, cloudy, woke up late but I have stuff to do kind of day.

13. I ate a chocolate chip muffin this morning (at noon)

14. I guess I like the smell of after it rains. Doesn't rain a lot at ALL where I live so it is a luxury

15. No, I'm not a parent

16. Yes, I can drive! Got my license around 4 years ago

17. I have pretty damn great vision. Not far or near sighted.

18. Uh. I use Costco brand stuff in the shower

19. Of COURSE I'd paint your nails! I'm gonna get paint all over your skin though, that's a promise

20. I say "soda"

21. I still have a lot of things from childhood as I still live with my parents but I'd say the main thing is a ladybug pillow pet I got in 2010 I still sleep with

22. I'm an awesome person, thank you very much.

23. Chilly weather is alright I guess

24. If we were together on a rooftop... well. I might stand up and start belting show tunes so watch out.

25. Shower soap bar lol

26. A scenario I've replayed multiple times would have to be... leaving my first job

27. All in one go hours of sleep? 3 average :(

28. I don't regularly wear a mask, no

29. Hot water!! Very hot!!

30. I don't think there are dishes in my room

31. Pretty lyrics and a soft guitar- think "Victory" by the Avett Brothers

32. Nah, I don't have a favorite towel

33. I went on a mini adventure last night where I just kept driving till there was no "forward" at an intersection and then took a right. Kept doing this for almost two hours.

34. Oh course! I know a LOT of songs' every lyric by heart. Example off the top of my head: Anthem Of Mr Dark by the Arcadian Wild

35. PDT zone

36. I only changed my url once I think. Can't remember exactly what it was before this

37. Yeah, I've known my friend Nikki for maybe 14 years

38. Scent-free please

39. No, I don't use lip balm

40. Nah, I haven't had any snacks today

41. I don't drink coffee

42. Google for ao3 and miscellaneous, Pinterest for fan art, ibis Paint x for art and editing, YouTube, Spotify, Google maps, DROPOUT, Discord, gmail. In no particular order

43. Can't really handle any spice

44. A free pass to kill anyone? I guess Donald Trump idk

45. Yeah yesterday was a waste

46. My favorite holiday film is... uh. Well I really like Elf.

47. Last message I sent was a discord server emoji of demon Kokichi sprite lol

48. I accidentally had a sip of my granddad's wine which I thought was my apple juice. But I don't drink as I am 20. I don't plan on drinking when I'm of age either. See^ I'm sure I'll get addicted among many other reasons to not start

49. I've never tried skipping rocks, I don't think!

50. Please do tag me in random stuff!!

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[look-at-the-soul]

Hi! It's gossip girl!!❤️❤️ I'm glad your finally free!!! Tumblr really needs to get its life together!! Also happy late birthday!! I was gone for a bit and saw all the stuff about it a bit late but I hope you had a a amazing birthday!!❤️❤️❤️ 

And lol😂 I usually do remember sunscreen but this time me and my friends left a bit late and I didn't grab it😂 but after about a week of aloe Vera it's back to normal😂 And yeah I'm glad watching the pups went well!! Pups ARE the best! They are always so funny and cuddly!

And it's totally alright!! You didn't keep me waiting at all! You're always totally good with the time between!! It's never too long anyway!! And I did actually make more progress on some of my WIPs so that's good! I about doubled the word count of the Micheal story I've been working on for a bit but it's still not done😂 But the idea I'm actually the closest to completes is a random Bob x reader from Top Gun that's been stuck in my head and I wanted to finally write out even though I've only done Peaky stuff up to now😂 I did also kinda give in and end up making a mini second account to post random stuff and try to get back to interacting more, but it's still mainly me putting out small things and hiding again😂 

And for who I'm trying to get idk😂 maybe all the spam/p*rn bots that seem to be showing up in my tags😂 Tumblr bans the innocent but does nothing to stop those it seems🥲

And OH NO! That's would be terrible and scary to lose that many files and such😭😭 I hope your boss back then was able to  take responsibility for it though and didn't like blame you for his mistake! I've heard horror stories of that happening before! I'm sorry you had to restart it from the last save😭 I'm still at the point where I save and save as every now and then but for the most part I only have one copy:/. It'll probably screw me over done day though😂

And I love the idea of your Mary Poppins bag! I have something similar in my car!! It's got all the stuff I need incase I'm out and don't have it and too far from my dorm! My other bags are usually just a full but only contain multiple fidget objects or random items and pens I've found 😂 which surprisingly my random objects have come in handy at times so I can justify keeping them😂

And I'm not actually sure how the one of tests went😂 my teacher still hasn't given back the grade! He was supposed to and then my school closes down for the tropical storm again (which basically ended up missing our area so we're good) and we didn't have class that day!😂 But my other test went well and I got and A on it! So i did bit of a longer break due to the storm but I still can't wait for thanksgiving break in like a week😂 And I guess it was good that your plans to study elsewhere didn't move right before the pandemic! I can imagine how stressful that would have been! Maybe if you wanted to if would be better now, I guess the world has somewhat settled down a bit (in some degrees...)  I'm glad your week was good! I hope you got some good rest too and got around what needed to be❤️❤️

As always it was fun to interact with you❤️❤️ Lots of love! Xoxo!

Hi GG!!!

It’s good to be back!!! See @ staff? I didn’t do anything wrong 😇 I just post smut from time to time… 🙈 🥳 thank you sm for your kind wishes darling! I did ☺️💕 it was lovely to get all that love in here you know?

Oh no!!! Hope you got some nice tan at least? I gave up years ago, I looked like a sick ghost at 10 yo, will look like a sick wrinkled ghost at 84 yo so I don’t even try to get a nice color anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️ Oh I just LOVE dogs, have you seen those pup videos from car to car stopping over just to say hiiiii? I’m that kind of person 🤣🐶

I’m so glad because let me tell you a secret, sometimes I feel bad for not answering sooner! But between work, my 🐶🐶, writing, reading, etc sometimes I think I did something only to realize I did it only but in my mind, and when I look back, boom it’s been 5 days since I got the message. Sooooo you’re a Michael fan, what are your thoughts about that end? I’m happy to hear that you are working on your stories!!

I’m terrible at Top Gun stories (I hope I don’t disappoint you, but I never saw the movies 🙈🙊) but either way, it’s so so good to hear you’re getting inspiration, I hope you write this one!! ☺️ @ zablife writes TG stories, if you haven’t seen that account, I highly recommend. Ohhh how come you have a second account and I don’t even know about the first one??? 😋 don’t worry if you want to keep under the anon profile it’s all good!

You’re right, sometimes with the new tags content I get post promoted and I’m like tf? 😳 at something really explicit, and some friends got posts deleted over nothing, guess they are part of us sadly…

Haha I wish! No, I had to keep working on from where the file froze… luckily by then I had mastered the formulas, it’s alright, stuff like that happens and since then, I learned to not let my boss work around my excel 🤪 and make like 3 copies just in case he came to mess it up. Oh well if so far you’ve made it, it’s all good 😉

I recently added a small hair brush (travel size) to my bag, and a little “tide to go” for you know food accidents 🤣 soon I will need a bigger bag if I keep adding things. But yes, it’s so useful when you need something, specially a student like you, bet you have lots and lots of things for your notes 😊

How did the test go? I hope that by now you got a good grade back! Oh no, everything good with the tropical storm? Hopefully it didn’t leave lots of damage, and yay!!!! Congratulations for that A! ✨👏🏻👏🏻 Well done! Happy (belated) thanksgiving!!! Did you go back home for the holiday? Are you buying something from the crazy sales? The stores were so full last week!

Yeah, because I was planning to quit my job and just go to Boston 😂 life: sure haha now I have chickened out to be honest, I’m thinking I don’t know of different plans now like getting my own place, so maybe something online would be more fitting… who knows? 🤷🏻‍♀️ With everything that happened I decided to try to not make lots of plans (of course not getting on the irresponsible side either). Thank you it was �� Hope you week was good and your weekend is even better!

Thanks for the chat! It’s lovely to ‘see’ you here 💙 sending back lots and lots of love your way! Ps don’t forget your sunscreen 😉 xx

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

Alright y’all a likely final WWR coming at you, you know 3 months late the day of the dreaded s19 premiere. This definitely gets ranty and emotional, if you’re a Gibbs stan scroll the fuck away & don’t send me hate anon. This is bittersweet and it hurts and I’ve been living in denial for months but I needed this little bit of closure before the writer’s absolutely fuck it up in less than 6 hours. I hope you enjoy my emotional ramblings & I’ve absolutely loved writing these for the past two years, i’ll miss it & your reactions to it dearly ❤️

Badass Ellie is allllllways a treat, and protective nick contrasted to her making albeit slightly reckless decisions is top tier. And then followed up by him being impressed as hell??? He’s like damn my girl just did that and I am not turned on, no way, we are working I am not turned on, nope. Nick sitting at Ellie’s desk in the beginning PLS. Feet kicked up feeling mighty comfortable for someone who hates sitting at a desk 👀 only ok with it when it’s Ellie’s, huh Nick? Also I love that he’s sticking with the nonchalant approach like he did when he found her looking up Eastern Europe locations. He knows if he pushes too hard it won’t go well, but he is still concerned for her well-being. Those pieces slowly clicking into place that something isn’t just off- it’s worrisome off. Because while yes he’s still nonchalant he’s a touch more serious this time, ignoring her attempt at a brush off and claiming “he wants answers.” It’s a subtle step up from 18x14, but it’s there. His spidey senses are tingling and he’s getting less and less able to hide his concern for her 🥺 even if he tries to play it off as flirty banter because yes he’s still gd impressed with her moves and even tells Vance as such essentially. 

Flash forward to at the stash house and they find the files plus the mini debrief back in the bullpen…I truly am inclined to believe Ellie doesn’t know here. I mean sure she realizes that the timing fits to a certain extent—she was at NSA when this happened, but I don’t think she knows this is the beginning of her end. She’s like “oh they’re selling secrets too” and “my contacts are all gone” like…I just, she seems too casual and not at all on edge. Idk so far I’m just not getting that vibe. She even brushed off McGee with the whole that was ten years ago almost like she didn’t remember it? But then at the same time she did bring up the whole legal vs ethical- she hedged, but she did mention it. She was not super gung-ho about OMG THIS WAS SO UNETHICAL WTF HOW COULD THEY DO THIS so still……..idk lets continue haha

Ok her knowledge of guns is slightly concerning but also Nick finds it concerning AND hot, boy can’t help himself lets be honest. That “damn” that slips out please, so many sirens going off in that head but also you’re just like well fuck talk dirty to me some more babe. Aaaaand here we go, here’s why I know Ellie didn’t know that odette was going to plant that shit right now. “Whoever took them from the NSA’s code-level servers risked a lot more than their career” with a little like duh face from Ellie SCREAMS that she did not, would not, EVER do that. The leak was fabricated by Odette and the fact that it would be planted during this case was all Odette unbeknownst to Ellie. Or why the fuck would Ellie so casually and somewhat judgmentally be like “who TF would leak something like that, man they stupid, committing treason and whatnot.” And Ellie is SHOOK when Vance tells her it was her. Like shook as in, blinks several times, shifts her weight back, glances at McGee with a flash of surprise in her eyes. That body language screeeeeams being caught off guard. If she had leaked those documents and if she had known this was a plant, she wouldn’t be caught off guard. And no matter how well you can try and play the part, that body language is legit. She’s shocked someone would even think about that and oh man, Nick. Nick’s face hurts me (and I know this is just the beginning). Because a man who has always seen himself as the bad egg, the criminal so to speak, the one who would do something shady before any of the others. He is shook and angry that Vance could even consider accusing Ellie of this. And then there’s the genuine concern etched on his face (and I’d know, the screen is currently paused on his face staring at Ellie with a worried furrowed brow and pain clenched in his jaw) because he knows logical Ellie wouldn’t do this but also he knows he’s been seeing little puzzle pieces fall into place of suspicious behavior and this is just one more thing that doesn’t sit right with him- doesn’t fit the woman he’s come to know and love. And while I know he truly believes she didn’t leak the files, I would bet right here he’s concerned about what the fuck she’s gotten herself wrapped up in. 

And she continues to be adamantly against this, like Eleanor Raye Bishop would NOT ever leak intel, not as a baby NSA analyst who believed she was doing the right thing always in her role. Never once bringing up questionable ethics, she thought it was the greater good, that little patriot. She’s so adamantly against it and then Vance asks if she was framed, and I think that’s the point where Ellie realizes this is Odette. The word framed all of a sudden clicks it all into place and she picks up it might be “go time” for her. Her glances over at Vance have changed, they’re more cautious, calculating. She hears they’ve been leaked over ten years ago and she knows that she didn’t do it 10 years ago so this very well may be the notice of eviction from Odette. The “we’re coming for you, Agent Bishop” and her little look, oooooh Ellie is fired up. Her switch flipped and she’s now gotta hunker down and defend herself until she can confirm with Odette. Vance doesn’t even let her get a word in to “fight” for her innocence. But the fact that she’s getting sent home pisses her off, she wants to be close to the investigation, know what’s happening, and I’m sure a part of her still resists being dubbed that traitor of the state. Who knows, Odette may have never told her how she would become a disgraced NCIS agent, and this may have pissed Ellie off because her integrity is something she prides herself on. Her line, “I’m not Gibbs […] I’m innocent line” is like a tiny bright spot to chuckle in during this dismal finale. Gibbs hate train right hereeeee

Love that Kasie is immediately on the Ellie defense side, not looking forward to her reaction to Ellie leaving IF they even decide to show us. 

Gibbs telling Ellie “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” when he fucking up and left the team without so much as a goodbye or sorry for committing police brutality like fuck outta here Gibbs. Ellie is CLEARLY vulnerable right now, she’s been accused of leaking classified documents aka committing treason, she’s suspended, she’s on the brink of going on some dumbass undercover op and is begging, pleading, for any sign from you- her boss and father figure- not to do it. That he shows remorse for leaving the team without a word, that he regrets his decision to just disappear on them, that he wishes he hadn’t or he had done it differently. ANY kind of sign to tell her not to go through with what she’s about to go through. Literally any sign, and instead Gibbs gets defensive and bites back that she’s picking the wrong time in her life (LIKE HELLO YOU JUST SAID IT RIGHT THERE IDIOT, SHE’S GOING THROUGH SHIT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS BUT NO YOU’RE WRAPPED UP IN GIBBS LA-LA-LAND AND HAVE SAID FUCK YOU TO YOUR SUPPOSED KIDS), so now Ellie is even more pissed and gets defensive back telling him he doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life and if that’s not a desperate cry for help I don’t know what is. like she is begging you Gibbs to pick up on it and figure it out, begging you to do your job that’s you’re supposedly so good at and save her from going through with this stupid mission. And then Ellie realizes that he stopped caring about them. He’d gotten so wrapped up in what he was doing, he stopped caring about their lives, the problems they were facing, anything. Him *not* realizing something was happening??? This is Gibbs, this is the man that always knows what’s happening before you even know what’s happening. So the words “I’m starting to realize that” hit like a fucking dump truck. He’s too preoccupied with his own boat-making nonsense that he can’t be bothered to have even an inkling of an idea of what’s going on in their lives. And he doesn’t seem to care that he’s dropped them from his life. And that’s when it hits Ellie, he’s never coming back. He’s cut the team out of his life and he doesn’t care. He has no regrets, he can’t even be bothered to have a single regret. And I think that, right there, is when Ellie decides she’s all in. I think there was always a small part of her that was hesitant to go along with odette. Hesitant to just upend her career and her relationships (aka Nick, but we’ll get to this), all of it. But hearing that the man she looked up to even though he’d made some mistakes, the man she viewed as a father, the one person who’d taken a chance on the nerdy analyst long ago, the one constant through all the turmoil she’d had, just left? Just left without a goodbye, without remorse, without even a parting thought for her? That was it for her. Whatever brainwashing Odette had fed her that she’d pushed back against from fully taking over finally broke free. And with it, Ellie grieves, she’s tearing up from knowing what she’s about to lose. Lose the man she viewed as a father, the coworkers that were like a family, the partner she’d found herself loving like she’d never loved before. 

Ugh poor hurt Nick, he’s willing to do all the grunt work that he abhors in order to free up McGee so he can save Ellie. Nick knows he doesn’t have the skills and I think that’s killing him even more so. He can’t just do it himself, he has to rely on someone else to clear her name (to which he bumped back to last name in a last ditch attempt to maintain distance and keep some semblance of emotions in check, which is failing miserably), and that is killing the doer we know and love. LOL “so you’re both wrong” this poor man I love him, I can’t wait for the tears that will come from me later 🥲 nick immediately taking Jessica’s help, I love it. He’s like I don’t give AF who will help us but I am clearing this woman’s name if it’s the last thing I do. And then she walks in and he’s frozen. All these emotions running through him and then she’s there?? And she ignores him??? Ignores all of them?? Rushes past and storms up to the director on a suicide mission??? Yeah this is why I said that conversation with Gibbs was her last nail in the coffin. She hadn’t decided to go through with it (hence why she hedged earlier with Vance) and then he went and was a piece of shit so she said the hell with it and went all in. She can’t even bring herself to speak at Nick, barely looks at him, because she knows, she knows if she speaks to him, if he gets a chance to try and talk her down in the heightened emotional state she’s in after talking to Gibbs, she won’t be able to hold it in. She won’t be able to deal with seeing emotionally charged and hurt Nick. So she ignores him and McGee and does what she thinks she has to do. How hard did it have to be for Ellie to tell Vance not to defend her, and that their intel was correct? 🥺🥺 it goes against everything she’s ever stood for and she just went and did it. She hates liars and yet she lied. She loves her country and yet she claimed she committed treason. Her body language once again screams uncomfortable but trying to play it off. She’d nodding and repeating it over and over because she needs to convince herself of the words. They leave a bitter taste in her mouth and she can’t stop it. All she can do is clench her jaw a little tighter and get it over with and convince herself. 

Nick is in disbelief, obviously. McGee looks like he’s five seconds from breaking down because his little sister is supposedly a traitor??? Like he can’t believe it. He’s hurt she would do something like this even though he still knows in his gut that it can’t possibly be true. And oh FUCK the part where Nick’s voice cracks asking if Vance fired Ellie. Fuuuuuuuck me. This man’s heart is breaking for what’s happening to Ellie and being completely in the dark about it. Sure they weren’t really clear on what “they” were after The Talk but still. He thought she was open with him. Ever since the jail cell, things had shifted and he thought she’d been honest with him. He’d picked up on those little things, but maybe it was just training or something, NOT committing alleged treason and quitting the one career she loved. Not leaving him in the dark and vanishing without so much as a word. Not that. Because she KNOWS his past, she knows how much shit he’s been through with people in his life leaving without so much as a goodbye. And his voice continues to crack asking about what’s going on because he’s literally in shock. McGee is desperately trying to keep it together, keep some sort of figurehead for the team. Nick is in shambles ok, just like I’m in shambles. He’s adamant she didn’t do it because he KNOWS her. He knows she would never in a million years leak classified intel and now he’s just confused like a lost and kicked puppy. She didn’t DO IT, and she’s not answering her PHONE. He just wants to talk to her, he just wants to know she’s ok, wants to comfort her, wants to convince her to stop and it’ll be alright and he’ll take care of her and he’ll save her because that’s all he wants to do and always has, right? Save her. Save her from everything in this world that could hurt her. Protect her from life’s dangers. Protect her because he can’t bear the thought of losing her. And that all is crumbling down around him. All of it, crashing down like an avalanche, ready to bury him alive in grief and guilt and despair and anger. How am I supposed to TALK to her, he just wants to fucking be with her. He just wants to be there. With her. For the rest of their lives.

Ellie looking at the hat, please. That’s a lifetime of regret packed into one facial expression right there. She’s looking at that hat, the one she cherishes from the moment Gibbs hands it to her, and knows it’ll be the last time she ever sees it again. It’s not something she can take with her, and it’s full of fond memories—most happy, some sad, a few bittersweet—but memories that have made her life whole the past 8 years. And there’s officially no going back, she’s admitted to treason, there’s no way out of that. She’s having to say goodbye to all of her career without saying goodbye to any of them, all of that is wrapped up in that hat. A hat that’s so simple but signifies so much to her. She definitely was not expecting McGee to come out and so her rebuttals to him are exasperated and grasping at straws initially. She tries sarcasm and then she tries to brush it off “it doesn’t matter, it’s done […] I get that, I don’t want to talk about it” when McGee voices that he’s hurt over this and her reputation matters to him. Because he’s like another brother to you dammit Ellie. Yeah he’s grown since he said Ziva was like a sister to him and just stomped on your heart, he didn’t say it then but you’re like a sister to him too Ellie. I love that he fights her on it, and Ellie is like shit I have to come up with something. I don’t think she expected McGee of all people to fight her on this and I’m so glad he did. A little bit of growth because he is not going to see another person he views as family leave him again. And Ellie’s half assed excuses please, all of it is just such BULLSHIT because when they first debriefed she was just like “ethical? Hmmm” nothing more, nothing about being a vigilante and being up in arms over this like she claims she was. Bullshit Ellie, bullshit. And the PARALLELS TO FUCKING GIBBS. THIS IS WHAT YOU DID GIBBS, THIS IS YOU. LOOK WHERE YOU FUCKING PUSHED ELEANOR BISHOP TO STOOP TO. McGee begging her to regret it and Ellie pulls a Gibbs and is like NOPE. WONDER WHERE THE FUCK SHE LEARNED THAT FROM HUH. Gibbs you are singlehandedly responsible for this shit and how Ellie broke Nick’s heart and whatever happens to her on this stupid mission. I’m glad your dumb boat blew up, you deserve it. 

“I don’t want protection” because I can’t have you all following me. 

“It kills me that I lied to the people I was closest to” not about what you think I’m lying about but what I’ve been hiding. It kills me that I can’t tell you the real reason for this. It kills me.

“It wasn’t years ago for us” McGee rip my heart out please it will hurt less. And Ellie just playing into all of it. Knowing that she needs him and everyone else to hate her and not trust her. Her entire livelihood and backstory rely on them hating her and not following her, believing she’s the enemy and she’s hid these kinds of secrets for so long. Believing she’s a criminal and it was all a farce. She has to play into it. She has to. It’s the only way she will survive, they’ll survive. Odette likely fed her this shit, cut all ties, make sure no one follows, make sure no one is attached, burn all bridges. 

Ah and we’re back to pissed Nick. Nick who doesn’t like to be left in the dark ever, let alone when it deals with Bishop. Getting his edgy self being rude to Kasie but Kasie doesn’t even bat an eyelash. She knows Nick is hurting and she reaches out to him, she doesn’t take his tone to heart because she knows. Nick saying he wouldn’t know how she’s doing is just like a knife to the heart. He wants to know, desperately. He once thought he was the person she would go to in times like these but now all he’s getting is radio silence, a cold shoulder, and screened phone calls. He’s in visceral pain from the thought of her going through this alone, pain from everything he once thought true and good being destroyed in a day’s time. And Kasie is shocked that Nick hasn’t spoken to her. If that doesn’t tell you she knows that they are a thing and the gravity of all this, I don’t know what will. Nick should have spoken to her, clearly he wants to, in every other situation he would have already. But Kasie (and Jessica) just realized Ellie is shutting Nick out and that is Not Good. 

Back to Gibbs. Fucking asshole he is. McGee comes to you desperate to help his sister, Gibbs’ “daughter” and he goes “I think she’s at a crossroads” ???? Acting like he didn’t fucking encourage her at this so-called crossroads???? Like ???? The fuck???? Her crossroads was painfully obvious when she came to talk to you and YOU basically treated her like you couldn’t care less about her. That you had no clue what she was dealing with in her life and said as much. So yeah, she WAS at a fucking crossroads until you SHOVED her into oncoming traffic and said have a nice fucking life. AND THEN. McGee wants to help her and Gibbs tells him he can’t??? “Not this time” bitch this is YOUR FAULT. YOU COULD HAVE HELPED HER. COULD HAVE TALKED TO HER AT LEAST SOMEWHAT AND YOU DIDN’T. YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T REALIZE SHE WAS SPIRALING AND THAT YOU DIDN’T REGRET LEAVING YOUR SO-CALLED FOUND FAMILY IN THE DUST AND GUESS WHAT. SHE WENT AND PARROTED YOUR WORDS RIGHT BACK AT MCGEE SO FUCK YOU GIBBS. 

Ooooh Nick looks lethal, love that look, hate why he has that look though. Lol Nick getting ready to go murder the dude in interrogation because he set up Ellie and he’s just ignoring the fact that she claims she committed treason because he already knows there is literally no way on earth that she did it. And Vance realizing that Nick needs to stand down like fiiiiiiinally someone realized it. Obviously he isn’t gonna listen and poor Nick, this boy has it bad and he’s truly just SO WORRIED for what Ellie is about to do. Because right there, the confirmation that the file was a plant, that was the final puzzle piece falling into its perfect place. Every single thing he questioned, every little moment he’d replayed in his head, it all made sense. And he was so very pissed she hadn’t come to him- and honestly I think part of him is trying to ignore the WHY that’s behind that because he truly wouldn’t be able to think straight if he went there. I think that would be his end, going into the why she didn’t trust him, why she lied, why it hurts him so much. It would be the end, and yet…we’re just beginning here. And of course he knows exactly who is manipulating Ellie, he hadn’t trusted that scum from the start. So of course he goes straight to Odette’s cabin and lays in wait, probably pouring over all the documents and things Ellie did or didn’t leave behind there. 

Ellie pulling up in the truck and that heavy sigh? Yeah, she’s still not convinced this is a good idea. She’s running on emotions but that logical part of her (and deep down, her heart, knowing what she’s about to do- who she’s about to cut out of her life) is whispering of how very bad an idea this is. She still has to gather her willpower to get out of that car but when it’s Gibbs calling her? The same Gibbs that basically just kicked her out the door without so much as a wave goodbye? Yeah, the emotion just came rushing back, pushing the logic aside. She claims she can’t tell Nick because no shit if she has to look him in the face and lie and still say goodbye, it’ll kill her. She’s honestly not sure if she can go through with it. 

OH we back to a Gibbs hate novel, hold on. “I’M REALLY PROUD OF YOU BISHOP” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’M REALLY PROUD YOU’RE THROWING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WORKED FOR AWAY, PUSHING THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE, SACRIFICING YOUR ONE SHOT OF LOVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE DESERVE THE MOST. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. Oh fuck OFF Gibbs. “Following your gut” oh shut UP. I just don’t understand this part. I don’t understand it, and I’m trying so hard for it to make sense, for it to be in character. Like does Gibbs have any clue?? I’m sure he recognizes the signs, I’m sure he has an inkling at this point. So how would he be proud? How the FUCK would he say he’s learned some stuff from her. Does he mistakenly trust Odette because of what she did for Ziva? Is he just so self-absorbed he doesn’t completely comprehend what Ellie is doing leaving Nick behind??? And Rule 91 is a load of shit. “When you decide to walk away, don’t look back” how FUCKING STUPID. Like Gibbs of all people, you should understand that is a SHIT rule. You’ve lost the people you loved dearly and you think she should just never look back? Like are you saying this so that Ellie has a clear head for the undercover op? Are you hoping she doesn’t get herself killed by being wrapped up in what she left behind??? What the actual fuck. Stupid ass rule honestly. It’s what you live by Gibbs and look how well that turned out for you. Look at the family you ditched. Nice fucking job. 

“It’s done” and “what are you talking about I did everything you asked” ok she’s 100% being manipulated and almost blackmailed somehow. There’s no other explanation. Eleanor Raye Bishop wouldn’t do this shit. Not willingly, not if she knew how much Nick loved her and how much she loved him (which if her words in just a minute are any indication, yeah she had a fucking clue). Odette calling Nick a loose end just SCREAMS how she purposefully fucking chose the moment Ellie and Nick started to get close to decide it was time for Ellie to go undercover. I just KNOW it. She’s a manipulative bitch and there is no limit to the rock bottom she will stoop to. 

Ellie knows who she’s talking about and the just look of fuck I have to actually tell him to his face. The doubt and grief and guilt and all of it, flashing across her face as she realizes she has to do this. She has to face this, she has to lie. She has to break his trust (not that she hasn’t already) something SHE made so painstakingly clear she needed from Nick. Nick is rightfully *pissed* I mean who can blame him. Ellie with her, “I have nothing to be sorry for.” I know Ellie is just doing her best to burn bridges, the hesitation and avoidance leading up to this lends itself to no other interpretation. She is going to say anything and everything to make sure Nick does not follow her. Make sure he stays as far away as possible from her. She can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt in some way from all this. Even though he may not get physically hurt, I don’t think she realizes the heart break is going to be worse. The painful part is Nick understands, he understands why she wants to do undercover. He had seen that glimmer in her eye when they were Charlie and Luis, he gets it, he’s been there. And he wishes so desperately he could impress every lesson he’s learned on her right then and there but at the same time he knows it won’t change a thing. He just wishes in vain that their love would change her mind, even if logic wouldn’t, their love surely could. I think Ellie starts to realize just how much Nick can see through her and that’s why she owns up to the fact that Odette planted the files, and also why I believe the leak was all an elaborate hack that Ellie didn’t know about. 

Then we get to the even more painful part of Nick giving us a glimpse of his raw heart. The why now with a voice crack and Ellie’s hedge at now wasn’t her choice with her own voice cracking, just is so so so telling. She could lie, she could really work at burning this relationship in a blaze of glory but she doesn’t, she owns up to the fact that she didn’t purposefully choose now (aka right when they were starting to figure things out between them), she’s not pulling the strings. Nick coming back with so you had a choice is like the little 5 year old boy whose dad is walking out on him again and it just HURTS. And at the same time Ellie is also the young, insecure agent right now who just wants to prove herself. She wants to be viewed as “ready” and the man whose opinion she bases way too much of her self-worth in didn’t say he was proud of her until she was upending her career to go on some deep cover op where she ditches everyone important in her life. 

“How long?” “Too long.” Yeah ok FUCK ME. They both know exactly what they’re talking about without even saying the actual words. Ellie’s voice cracks once again because of the emotion in Nick’s voice and what he’s implying. It pains her to leave him and what they’re becoming behind. It viscerally hurts her, you can see it on her face. She doesn’t want it to be too long, but she knows it will be. She can’t fathom that he’d stay or wait for her, she doesn’t think she even deserves that. 

Tbh it’s so hard to put this all into words. To fully convey to you how angry and hurt I am over this shit. Ellie’s being manipulated and hurt that she has to burn this bridge and push Nick as far away from her as possible. She thinks its her only out and what should be expected of her based off her conversation with Gibbs because then she parrots his exact words back at Nick when he begs, literally begs her to say something after she was willing to leave without saying goodbye (which we know is because she didn’t think she was going to be able to look Nick in the eye and still go through with it all), “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” like fuck you Gibbs for planting that in her head. There’s PLENTY left to be said. Clearly Nick was not pleased you blew him off Ellie, he wants you to say anything that would make this make sense (we all are tbh) and she says you know my *favorite* line, “I didn’t mean for us to happen.” Nick is all of us with his “something else” because WHAT THE FUCK. This is how I know Ellie was going full throttle with her strategy of pushing Nick away. This was the one thing she could say that would hit hardest for Nick. The man who is insecure about anyone truly loving him and him being a person deserving of a love that “stays” and for Ellie to say she didn’t mean to fall in love and even though they did she’s still going to leave because it was never in the plan, just damn, stab him in the back and twist that knife Ellie. And just like her body language this WHOLE TIME 💀💀💀 she’s just shaking her head because she doesn’t even believe her own words, she doesn’t want to confront this, she doesn’t want to end this. There’s tears in her eyes because everything she’s saying is a lie and it hurts it hurts so damn much but she has to. She’s been manipulated into believing she has to do this, has to say these things. And his body language too, I mean he is tight. He is standing so rigid, hands clasped behind his back because he’s trying to convey openness and vulnerability and it’s so much growth for Nick, so much growth and Ellie is still ripping his heart out and stomping on it. And when she chokes out that goodbye you can hear and feel how final she believes it to be. She doesn’t think he’ll stick around or even want to. In this vein I think she underestimates his love for her here. And if the show goes a different way with it, they’re little bitches. It is in character for Nick to do everything in his power and outside of the rules to find & save Ellie. I will riot if I don’t see unhinged Nick some point early in s19 (I say like I’m going to watch religiously), because that is the only logical reaction to her leaving like this. 

The kiss. It’s a beautiful fucking kiss and it’s ruined by context. It’s an emotional kiss, Ellie throws her body behind it, gripping his face with both hands because she doesn’t want to let him go (even though she’s going to), she clutches to this memory like she clutches to his face. Nick’s clenched expression because he doesn’t want to open his heart up to more heartbreak but when he leans into the kiss and gives the kiss back you know he’s a goner. And maybe a part of him doesn’t care because this may be his last memory of her for a long time and he’s going to burn it into his memory too. It’s why he keeps his eyes shut after she’s left for so long, he doesn’t want to open them and the reality of her retreating back be the last thing he sees of Ellie. He wants the kiss to be the last thing, he doesn’t want to face his reality. His hands had even come out from behind his back, reaching out to her subconsciously willing her not to leave. Meanwhile, Ellie opens her eyes for that last kiss on the cheek to get one last long look at Nick, one last look that will hold her over for who knows how long. A look at his vulnerable face, a face she loves. A look that she hopes will keep her warm at night even though she knows she’ll never get it this close to her again because there’s no way in hell that Nick would entertain the thought of them together again after what she’s done. She doesn’t look back because she can’t. She can’t see Nick’s wounded face just standing there, broken or she won’t go. And Nick tries to stand resolute, the anger and pain flashing across his face before he grits his teeth together and *hopefully* resolves to find Odette and kill her I mean save Ellie I mean kill Odette 🙊

Anyways, there’s only a very specific way this entire finale makes sense. And I know Emily’s pregnancy threw it for a loop, but they can still SOMEWHAT fix this. Do I think they will? Hell fucking no. I have zero expectations, in fact negative expectations. I have a feeling what we were supposed to see is Nick going on an absolute swan rampage to find Ellie and clear her name throughout the first couple episodes of s19 and with Emily leaving the show, I’m not sure how they’ll twist this. I can see why they thought this was a fun cliffhanger because it would eventually be resolved and I do believe they would’ve eventually gotten ellick together after Nick found her. But unless Emily comes back at the end of the show, that won’t happen, at least not on screen. And with that I just 🥲 I’m still mad, I’m still broken inside but yeah. I’m a masochist before anything else apparently and so I made myself rewatch and write this out. A bittersweet pissed off adieu to the WWR. maybe one day i’ll find another ship & show that gets this level of meta out of me, but it’s been real ellick, it’s been really real ❤️

[jjkclub]

idk you yet

pairing - jungkook x reader

genre - fluff, soulmate!au

warnings - none

word count - 1.3k words

(based on the song 'idk you yet' by alexander 23)

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5,

4,

3,

2,

1,

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!!", everyone cheered as you blew out the candles. damn, i'm 18 now; you thought as you looked around the room with a smile on your face.

you were surrounded by everyone you loved and you couldn't have asked for a better birthday. after cutting the cake and spending some time with your friends, you decided it was time to go to bed.

after thanking everyone for coming and celebrating with you, you quickly made your way inside your room to wash up and go to sleep. as you stepped out of the shower, you caught a glimpse of your reflection on the mirror and noticed something different.

you stepped closer, holding your hair up in a makeshift ponytail as you analyzed the mark inked on the back of your neck.

woah, you thought as you took a better look. it was a very simple and delicate tattoo; a pair of wings under which 1406 was written. 

that's a strange one, you thought as you decided not to worry about your soulmate tattoo and went to bed, sleeping peacefully.

~

jungkook was not able to close his eyes for even a split second. he had gotten his tattoo/mark when he turned 18, which was a few years ago but today his tattoo started to get hotter, burning the soft skin of his neck. 

unable to tolerate the pain anymore, jungkook ran into the kitchen, grabbed an ice pack and placed it on the back of his neck, slowly soothing the burning sensation as he walked to namjoon's room.

"hyunggg" he whined out with unshed tears lining his eyes as he entered the room. "jungkookah, it's soo late.." namjoon mumbled out, slowly sitting up on his bed, rubbing his eyes to wake himself up, "what's wrong?"

"my tattoo… why does it hurt?!" he bursted out, still applying the ice to his neck. as he waited for namjoon's answer, his eyes widened as he started assuming the worst. "hyung, what if she's hurt? or if she got into an accident or if she's in the hospital and this is a signal or-"

 "yah jungkook, don't worry. i'm sure she is not hurt." namjoon reassured jungkook "your tattoo starts reacting or heating up when your soulmate finally get's their tattoo. it must have been her birthday today." 

"wait WHAT?!" jungkook said, as he started panicking. " you mean she is like 4 years younger than me?! hyung, that age gap is insane!" namjoon sighed, rubbing his forehead as he answered, "don't get soo worked up jungkook. some soulmates have a bigger age gap and they get along fine…" 

just as jungkook was going to ask another question, he caught namjoon yawning. realizing how late it must be, he decided to cut his visit short. " ah, hyung i'm soo sorry, you should go back to sleep. sorry for disturbing you, sleep well!" "okay, goodnight jungkookah. don't worry too much okay?" namjoon said as jungkook started walking out of the room. "okay hyung, goodnight" "goodnight kook"

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10 April 2020

"alright everyone, class dismissed." hearing your professor's words, you sighed and immediately got up from your seat, making your way home. you had a really bad day today; you got a really low grade on a test you had pulled an all-nighter for, the project you had to submit today went missing and you had a terrible headache. 

you took a deep breath and opened your front door, entering your empty apartment as you dropped your bag and dragged yourself in the kitchen to eat something. 

as you were cutting up a few vegetables to make dinner, you tried to forget about what a bad day it was by thinking about your soulmate. does he go to my university? how old is he? now seems like a nice time to meet him...

after you finished eating your dinner, you completed your homework and plopped down on your bed, staring blankly at the ceiling and thinking of only one thing before you fell asleep, wherever you are or whoever you are, soulmate; please find me soon. i need you.

ever since then, you made it a habit to talk to your soulmate every night. you had no idea if he could hear what you said but you still spoke to him. unbeknownst to you, he could hear your voice talking to him which only made his desire to find you increase.

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14 June 2020

"ughhh, what's the time?" you groaned as you woke up from your slumber, stretching as you reached out to turn off your alarm. 

"SHIT! I'M GONNA BE SOO LATE!" you yelled out as you got a mini heart attack after checking the time. you quickly got ready, raced downstairs to grab your bag and ran out the door. 

as you were rushing to reach your university, you decided to make a short stop at starbucks so that you don't fall asleep during the lecture or starve yourself. 

the door bell chimed as you entered and made your way to the counter, ordering your usual as you took a look around the café. 

just as you were about to look away, you saw something that caught your eye. it was a tall man wearing an all black outfit with his back facing towards you. what intrigued you the most about him was that he had a familiar tattoo on his neck; it looked exactly like yours.

as soon as you got your order, you grabbed it and slowly made your way over to him. just as you were about to tap his shoulder and draw his attention, he turned around, causing you to slip and drop your drink on the floor as you lost your balance, almost falling down.

seeing what was happening, his eyes widened as he instinctively grabbed your arm to stop you from falling. once you stood properly, you looked down at your drink which was now spilt all over the floor as you felt your cheeks turn red from embarrassment. 

"ah, i'm soo sorry about that" you said as you bowed down and stood straight again, holding eye contact with him. you gasped as you saw his face. he was incredibly handsome but as soon as your eyes met his, you felt your tattoo warming up and a cold shiver run down your spine.

as you held the back of your neck to soothe the pain, you noticed that you weren't the only one experiencing it. infront of you, you saw jungkook holding his neck as well, his face contorting as he winced. you heard the bells chime again as your eyes widened with realization of what was happening. you found your soulmate.

shocked, you both stared at each other for a few minutes. "it's.. it's you, you're my soulmate.." he said, his voice shaking from surprise. "yeah… ooh, i should introduce myself… i'm L/N Y/N, and you are?" you said as you bowed again, flashing him a bright smile. 

"jeon jungkook, it's really nice to finally meet you. if i may ask, are you free tomorrow..?" he asked shyly as he scratched the back of his neck. you nodded as he beamed at your response, shoving his hand in his pocket and removing a piece of paper, handing it over to you. "call me if you'd like to go out tomorrow… maybe coffee?" 

"i'd love that." you smiled, feeling giddy and excited for the next day. 

[user-2-electric-boogaloo]

A Comparison of RTD and Steven Moffat: Saving The Day

So for this analysis I’m going to compare when Moffat and RTD save the day well and when they save it poorly. There are a few bits of criteria I need to explain.

 First I will only be including main series, no Torchwood, no spin-offs, and no mini episodes.

Second, I have to define what makes a good and a bad ending (my examples will come from episodes written by neither of them): 

Bad endings include when the sonic saves the day (see The Power Of Three) (there are exceptions, see below), when a character spouts some useless technobabble that doesn’t make any scientific sense/when it doesn’t make logical sense in general, when the Doctor invents/presents a machine/equipment that miraculously stops the baddy and is never referred to again (see Journey To The Centre Of The TARDIS), and any other ending I deem to be bad (see The Vampires of Venice)

Good endings include when the sonice activates a device that has been well established to save the day, when technobabble is used that actually makes some scientific sense, and just generally when the baddy is destroyed in what I deem to be a creative manner that makes sense with all the things that had been set up in that episode (see The Unquiet Dead).

There will also be cases where there isn’t really a day to be saved, however this happens more often with Moffat.

Let us begin (obviously there will be spoilers but the last episode in the list aired nearly 4 years ago so what you doing with your life).

RTD:

Rose: Bad

What even is anti-plastic?! Like seriously, he’s faced the Autons loads of times and has never thought to use it any other time.

The End Of The World: Bad

The Doctor just goes up to the appearance of the repeated meme (ha meme) and rips its arm off. He then just summons Cassandra back by twisting a knob which apparently everyone can do if “you’re very clever like me”.

Aliens Of London/World War Three: Good

Just nuking them all was a bit dodgy but I’ll give it to him purely because it had been set up earlier in the episode and it is a genuine option that could have been taken.

The Long Game: Good

The heating issue was set up within 2 minutes of the episode starting. It’s always good to see the Doctor using his enemies weakness against them.

Boom Town: Good

Only just. It’s technology that hadn’t been showcased ever before and came out of nowhere, but I’m allowing purely because it was setting up The Parting Of The Ways.

Bad Wolf/The Parting Of The Ways: Good

See above. It was set up the story before so it works.

The Christmas Invasion: Bad

This was so close to being good. If RTD had just let the Sycorax leader be honourable then everything would have been fine. Instead he had to let him be dishonourable and then the Doctor through the Satsuma at a random button that for no apparent reason caused a bit of floor to fall away.

New Earth: Bad

It only makes sense if you think about it for less than 10 seconds as just pouring every cure to every disease ever into a giant tub and then spraying said supercure onto them all, then having them hug each other to pass it on. That is suspending my disbelief just a bit too far.

Tooth And Claw: Good

Everything is set up in the episode so I’ll allow it but I fail to see how Prince Albert had the time to ensure that the diamond was cut perfectly.

Love And Monsters: Bad

It’s Love And Monsters. Need I say more?

Army of Ghosts/Doomsday: Good

It was very clearly set up throughout the episode.

The Runaway Bride: Bad

I don’t like how a few bombs can supposedly drain the entire Thames.

Smith And Jones: Good

All the events were well established

Gridlock: Good

It’s a fairly bland way to save the day, just opening the surface to all the drivers. But how else could he have done it?

Utopia/The Sound Of Drums/Last Of The Time Lords: Bad

As much as I like the idea that he tuned himself into the archangel network, he basically turned into Jesus. It is arguably the least convincing ending in modern Doctor Who history.

Voyage Of The Damned: Bad

Why was he the next highest authority? If he’s the highest authority in the universe why didn’t they default to him in the first place? If not then why not default to Midshipman Frame? And if he’s somehow in between them then why? Also Astrid killed herself for no reason when she easily could have jumped out of the forklift.

Partners In Crime: Good

It works in the context of the episode, but I don’t see why they needed two of the necklace things.

Midnight: Good

It’s human nature, you can’t get more well set up than that.

Turn Left: Good

It works logically

The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End: Bad

Donna just spouts a load of technobabble whilst pressing buttons and then the Daleks are magically incapacitated.

The Next Doctor: Bad

Why do the infostamps sever Hartigan’s connection with the Cyberking? As far as I remember it ain’t explained.

Planet Of The Dead (co-written with noted transphobe Gareth Roberts): Good

A good couple scenes are dedicated on getting the anti-gravs set up.

The Waters Of Mars (co-written with Phil Ford): N/A

The day isn’t really saved cause everyone still dies anyway.

The End Of Time: Good

Using a gun to destroy a machine is much better than using the sonic to destroy it.

Summary for RTD:

Out of 24 stories written by him, I deem 10 to be bad endings with 1 abstaining. That’s 41.7% of his episodes (43.5% if we don’t count any abstaining).

Steven Moffat:

The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances: Good

You’ll see this a lot with Moffat, he knows how to explain things without stupefying levels of technobabble. “Emailing the upgrade” is a perfect example of this.

The Girl In The Fireplace: Good

Some basic logic, the androids want to repair their ship, but they can’t return to it, they no longer have a function so they shut down.

Blink: Good

Always loved this one, getting the angels to look at each other, however they do look at each other sometimes earlier in the episode.

Silence In The Library/Forest Of The Dead: Bad

This is more of a problem with the setup of the episode, I don’t like that he can negotiate with the Vashta Nerada. I’d rather see them comprehensively beaten, but I guess it’s good for the scare factor that they can’t be escaped from.

The Eleventh Hour: Good

He convinced the best scientists all around the world to set every clock to 0 all in less than an hour. In the Doctor’s own words “Who da man!”

The Beast Below: Good

The crying child motif pretty much ended up saving the day (well for the star whale, life went on as normal for pretty much everyone else).

The Time Of Angels/Flesh And Stone: Good

The artificial gravity had briefly been set up earlier so I’ll allow it.

The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang: Good

Everything had been set up perfectly, the vortex manipulator, the Pandorica’s survival field thingy, the TARDIS exploding at every moment in history.

A Christmas Carol: Good

Literally the entire episode is the Doctor saving the day by convincing Kazran not to be a cock.

The Impossible Astronaut/Day Of The Moon: Good

The silence’s ability to influence people is their whole thing, so using it against them is a good Doctory thing to do.

A Good Man Goes To War: N/A

The day isn’t really saved, Melody is lost, but River shows up at the end so is all fine? I love the episode it’s just the day isn’t really truly saved (yes I know Amy was rescued but she still lost her baby).

Let’s Kill Hitler: N/A

There isn’t really a day to be saved. They all get out alive but no one is really saved other than maybe River but we all knew she was gonna live anyway.

The Wedding Of River Song: Good

Whilst opinion is divided on the episode, the ending still works. the Tesseracta was established in Let’s Kill Hitler, and the “touch River and time will move again” was established well in advance.

The Doctor, The Widow And The Wardrobe: Bad

I don’t like how the lifeboat travels through the time vortex for no reason but to rescue the dad. It don’t make no sense and I don’t think it’s explained

Asylum Of The Daleks: Good

Oswin had access to the Dalek hive mind so of course she should be able to link into the controls and blow everything up.

The Angels Take Manhattan: Good

Paradoxes really do be something powerful, and they even acknowledge how nobody knows if it’d work so I’ll let it slide.

The Snowmen: Bad

Lots of people cry at Christmas, why are the Latimers anything special?

The Bells of Saint John: Good

The whole episode is about hacking so why shouldn’t the Doctor be able to hack the spoonheads

The Name Of The Doctor: Good

It was the story arc for the season pretty much, so of course it was explained well in advance.

The Day Of The Doctor: Good

Both the storing Gallifrey like a painting and the making everyone forget if they’re Human or Zygon works in the context of the episode.

The Time Of The Doctor: Bad

Since when were the Time Lords so easily negotiated with?

Deep Breath: Good

I like the dilemma over whether the half-face man was pushed or jumped.

Into The Dalek: Good

It’s set up well with this new Doctor’s persona of actually not being too nice of a guy (at first).

Listen: N/A

There isn’t a day to be saved. It’s just 45 minutes of the Doctor testing a hypothesis and I low-key love it.

Time Heist (co-written with Steven Thompson): Good

It works logically so I’ll allow it however it isn’t very well set up at all.

The Caretaker (co-written with noted shithead Gareth Roberts): Good

The machine to tell the Blitzer what to do was set up well in advance so I’ll allow it.

Dark Water/Death In Heaven: Good

The fact that Danny still cares even as a cyberman is set up fairly early on after his transformation.

Last Christmas: Good

He does use the sonic to wake up Clara but he convinces the others to wake up through talking so I’ll allow it.

The Magician’s Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar: Good

It’s set up well with that little scene from actually inside the sewers.

The Girl Who Died (co-written with Jamie Mathieson): Good

IDK why the vikings would randomly keep electric eels but they’re set up well so I’ll ignore it. 

The Zygon Inversion (co-written with Peter Harness): N/A 

Not including this one as it’s only the second part and I’d argue the ending is most likely Harness’.

Heaven Sent/Hell Bent: N/A

Again there isn’t really a day to be saved, yes Heaven Sent really is amazing but it’s only the first part and, being completely honest, he dies several billion times before finally getting through the wall.

The Husbands Of River Song: N/A

Again there isn’t really a day to be saved here.

The Return Of Doctor Mysterio: Good

He gets Grant to catch the bomb which is good. But he does just sonic the gun out of Dr Sim’s hand and says UNIT is on its way which just sort of wraps it up very quickly.

The Pilot: N/A

No day to be saved here.

Extremis: Good

You could technically call it the sonic saving the day, I consider it to be the Doctor emailing the Doctor to warn him of the future.

The Pyramid At The End Of The World: Good

The fire sanitising everything makes sense and it’s in character for Bill to love the Doctor enough to cure his blindness in return for the world

World Enough And Time/The Doctor Falls: Good

Yes it is the sonic just blowing the cybermen up, but it’s blowing them up with well established pipelines so I’ll allow it (also the story is amazing).

Twice Upon A Time: N/A

No day to be saved here. Just Doctors 1 and 12 getting angsty about regenerating.

Summary for Steven Moffat:

Out of 39 stories written by him, I deemed 4 to be bad with 7 abstaining. That’s 10.3% of his episodes (12.5% if we don’t count any abstaining).

Conclusions:

Moffat was much better at saving the day than RTD

Moffat liked telling stories where the day didn’t actually need to be saved

I’ve spent way too long on this and I need to sleep

If I spent as much time on this as my coursework I’d probably pass

If you’re still reading this, you probably need to get a life

[gas-station-trackphone]

Fic Recs/Mandatory Reading for Reddie fans

Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite Reddie fics on ao3, because i cannot get over the sheer talent of this fandom’s wonderful writers! A lot of these are the Greatest Hits that you’ll find on almost every fic list, but that’s why I consider them mandatory reading. like if you haven’t read some of these, what are you doing?

the years go by like days by georgiestauffenberg, rated M

the 27 years in between, but better because richie and eddie stay together. every time i think of this fic, i think of that lady gaga meme where she’s like “brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc” and maybe it’s bc this is one of the first reddie fics i ever read, but this one is always gonna be my favorite

broken record by spunknbite, rated E

the mother of all time loop fics. every reddie veteran gets chills at the phrase “the house on Neibolt was still standing”

literally everything by stitchy

like seriously just clear a few days bc you’re not gonna want to stop reading this author once you start. no other author has made me literally fucking cackle in one paragraph and sob in the next like this one, pls do yourself a favor and devour all their works like i did 

the night we met (take me back) by camerasparring, rated E

ch2 fix-it where eddie shows up at richie’s door alive and with no memory. great slow burn with a wonderfully conflicted richie, 10/10

let’s hear it for my baby! series by cloudings, rated E

OOOOOOOHHH boy! a modern teen!reddie grindr AU that’s both steamy AND sweet?? more like a fucking blessing amen hallelujah

a heart that laughter has made sweet by marjaani, rated E

another lovely teen!reddie fic that’s got it all! sweet, stupid boys, humor, a teeny bit of angst, and some 5-alarm fire smut with some top eddie, as a treat

keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle, rated T

angst with a happy ending is my favorite, and this one is just fantastic. so sweet, so sad! and stan is featured as eddie’s afterlife buddy and idk about y’all but i cannot get enough of stanley uris in my reddie fics. read this, then read all this author’s reddie fics, they’re all amazing

collateral by loosecannon, sheepknitssweater, rated E

a post-ch2 fic that i guess could be classified as fix-it, BUT with some very interesting twists. they beat the clown, everyone lives, but no one really gets the tropey happy ending. the WIP sequel is also incredible and i live for the updates.

the greater fool  series by mischiefmanager, mostly rated T with some E

this is a series i’ll reread a lot bc it’s so fucking good. follows young reddie into early adulthood, mostly a bunch of cute shit where they figure out themselves and their relationship. also contains the single best teen reddie fic in existence, he came in through the window, but reading the whole series is a must

brokeback derry and everything else by Amuly, rated E

27 years in between, richie and eddie reconnect in their 20s and meet back up in derry twice a year to remember and love each other before going back to their lives and forgetting. so much pain. there’s a lot of sweet stuff in there, but you can see shit’s gonna get complicated from miles away and the anticipation almost gave me stomach ulcers (in a good way). ultimate angst with a happy ending.

let me name the stars for you by playedwright, rated M

speaking of angst with a happy ending...Martian AU!!!!! this one fucked me up in the best way, i literally called my roommate at 2am to vent to her about my emotions after reading it. i go back and reread chapter 8 just to be overwhelmed by it, and it makes me cry every time. plus, there are awesome sequels/companion pieces in the series! read this, i beg you!

walk through fire for you by hyruling, rated T

unwind after all that angst with some cute, drunk, confused eddie being very upset when he finds out richie is engaged. richie only teases him a little before pointing out the matching ring on eddie’s finger. 

in the heat of the summer (you're so different from the rest) by kaboomslang, rated E

post-ch2 slow burn with tags that really say it all, including but not limited to: eddie moves to california and richie is a mess, Eddie Kaspbrak’s Hot Girl Summer, and cute middle aged man dates

pivotal moments by danfanciesphil, polypocket, rated E

high school reddie has a sort of fwb thing goin on, but emotions get in the way. featuring wonderful bevchie friendship, hella miscommunication, cute double dates, high eddie, and a happy ending

like a bullet in the back by jerry_duty, rated M

adult idiots in love! a personal favorite trope of mine! slow burn with a fair helping of angst but a really great ending. richie stays with eddie in new york while he’s there on business, and it takes these losers SO LONG to figure it out but the way they dance around it is very cute

no sense of living without aim [WIP] by liesmyth, rated E

richie and eddie meet on grindr in the 27 years between and hey, whadda ya know, they fall in love! i really love this fic but i’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned. i’ve had it open on my phone browser for like 3 months with no update but i still check it regularly bc i’m pathetic and this fic is just so good i’m DYING to know what happens next so read at ur own risk

a strange sense of familiarity [WIP] by Katranga, rated E

another “they meet and fall in love without remembering” fic, and even though it’s not complete yet, it gets regular updates. oh, also, i’m obsessed with it. they’re long distance fuck buddies who can’t admit they’re in love, and then they get hit with the childhood memories! and everyone lives! what’s not to love!  also PLEASE read kisses take like mint and every other reddie work by this author, they are all fantastic

adult friends by sudowoodo, rated T

AU where adult reddie meet at a first aid seminar for work (immediately fall in love), become friends, become best friends, and finally get to be happy. has some super repressed eddie and intensely pining richie, which is always fun, and genuinely made me laugh out loud. also please check out this author’s other reddie fics, there’s some super sweet kid reddie in there that really warms the heart

the mind's a funny fruit by joldiego, rated T

eddie wakes up barely alive in derry, has 0 memory, calls himself richie, and moves in with some lesbians. an absolute must read that ought to be on every reddie fic rec compilation. i read this a long time ago and just thinking about it makes me want to read it again.

now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate [WIP] by IfItHollers, rated E

it took me entirely too long to find this fic since i joined the fandom, and it’s truly a fucking masterpiece. it’s almost at 200k now and still unfinished, and the slow burn is excruciating, but this is a legendary fic for a reason. eddie spends the first chunk of this fic in the hospital recovering from the massive chest wound, and then he and richie move the recovery to ben’s cabin in the woods. the author’s notes for each chapter are a story in themselves

signs of a new lifetime by swordfishtrombones, rated T

one of the sweetest, most romantic reddie fics i’ve ever read. a fresh take on a classic concept: post-ch2, they’re in love, they haven’t said/done anything about it yet, BUT!!! it’s not angsty! they are all cute and giggly like “you say it first!” “no, you say it first!” and it makes me fucking MELT

broadcasting tower by swordfishtrombones, rated E

back-to-back recs from the same author! bc i love these fics so much! sort of similar to the last one in that they both know what’s up and just haven’t said it, but this one’s got the angst! i didn’t know when i read it that it was the same author as the other fic, and i thought how funny, i found another reddie author that perfectly captures this pair in such a wonderfully romantic way! i also just noticed there’s a follow up to this so now i have to go read that immediately

eurydice; the original comeback kid by Vulcanodon, rated M

for the love of god please read this and the other work in this series. it’s a ch-2 fix-it with some intense action sequences and major pining, and it has haunted me since i first read it

love on the telephone by tempestbreak, rated E

okay this one is really just 30k of pure smut but it’s also so sweet and features a mini sexual awakening for eddie and some insecure richie with an emphasis on how much they love and trust each other. also it doesn’t hurt that the smut is fire, like does anyone else want that twink obliterated, or is it just me?

the boy who loves you by candlejill, rated E

eddie lives, richie confesses, things are chill and then they’re not. richie’s career flourishes, which is always nice to read and is what ultimately catalyzes eddie’s gay awakening and realization of his love for richie. it’s got some sad angsty parts and a very sweet ending, and it up there as one of my favorite reddie fics of all time

richie and eddie break up [WIP] by skeilig, rated M

a refreshing and realistic take on life ch-2 for the losers, because being in love at thirteen doesn’t mean you can fall into a perfect relationship at 40. i’ll admit, i’m hoping this will ultimately be a “richie and eddie get back together” fic, but it’s still a very good read (and often very funny in the second chapter) at the moment in the midst of their break up

september 1989 and everything else by pineapplecrushface, rated T

cute kid reddie figuring it out and making me smile. the follow up to this and the after derry series by this author are also personal favorites

go west by ssstrychnine, rated T

road trip fic! an absolute work of art slow burn with teen reddie in the 90s. it’s so beautifully written i just wish i could go back and read it for the first time again

the edification of eddie kaspbrak by tozier, rated M

character study with some incredible fucking prose, my lord it gorgeous. explores how eddie learns about love as he grows up, and it’s super fucking sad sometimes bc the poor boy doesn’t know how to have the things he wants and i just want to give him a hug, but it’s really a spectacular fic

circular motion by sinchronicity, rated M

soulmate!AU that follows book canon and even though it’s been a long time since i’ve read it and the details are fuzzy, i remember absolutely loving it and thinking it was incredible

tell me you know by RichiesToesHurt, rated E

college losers with some severely pining and jealous richie with a lovely ending 

predicament bondage [WIP] by dgalerab, rated E

i resisted reading this fic for so long, recently broke and binged all of it, and now i’m like frothing at the mouth for updates. richie’s a closeted actor/comedian who meets eddie, a professional Dom, when he needs help researching a role. they become friends, they develop crushes, richie realizes he’s a sub, and it’s just so much fun to read

there’s a lot more fics to rec so i might add on to this in the future, but in the meantime my biggest tip for for reading fanfiction that took me embarrassingly long to figure out: focus on the authors! if you read something you like, check out the rest of the work by that author bc odds are you’ll like that too. i mentioned it in a few specific works above, but check out the authors catalogues for these fics. if i included every work by these authors that i loved, this list would be miles long

feel free to add on any great stuff i missed, there’s sure to be tons of it!

[yanankim]

Idk you well and I’m usually all for people speaking about their controversial opinions but also since I don’t know you well I’m just hoping it isn’t pure hatred and vitriol for a person or something (bcs I have zero idea what the censored thing is. Maybe Dawn related?? I feel like he’s the thing most people have acidic ideas over lol, it fits your censor and he also has a small fanbase)

uhm okay it is *kinda* dawn related but not really. its under the read more bc yeah

naughty boy's entire era leaves just a really bad taste in my mouth. dont get me wrong, i love the entire mini and i know the boys put so much effort into it, but it was their first comeback without all of the members. i mean, during half of gorilla era shinwon had to sit out and critical beauty yanan couldnt be in live stages, but they at least got to participate in the songs. naughty boy was the first time they were.. incomplete? i suppose? and it was just a time filled with so much uncertainty. we werent even sure if yanan was gonna come back, especially after it was confirmed that dawn got kicked. for the longest time, i couldnt even listen to any of the songe on the album bc it just felt so empty without either of their voices. hell, you could *hear* where dawns voice was supposed to go in naughty boy.

its an era that, even though im able to listen to the songs now and not feel this emptiness, i still cant fully enjoy it. what makes it worse for me is that they were riding off of the coattails of shine's success. they had the entire kpop community's eyes on them as they had to go through losing a member and criticism over making a shine copycat and so much uncertainty. i still remember kino crying at a fanmeet and reporters asking them questions about dawn leaving and them having to be civil about everything.

and as much as i love naughty boy as a song now, its so obvious they WERE trying to capitalize on shine's success. thats not a criticism! shine is a good song and so is naughty boy and it introduced ptg's now well-known fun concepts! but hui has also talked about how ever since shine, he hasnt been able to make songs with such a carefree attitude. he constantly has to make songs with the success of shine looming over him and how cube is trying to push him into making a hit like it again.

the reason why im scared to say all of this is that when naughty boy was released, a LOT of unis were just.. awful. it was more of a problem on twt, but i saw my fair share of tumblr unis being disgusting too. they all said that it was okay to take ur time and heal from dawn leaving however long it took, but as soon as someone was open and vocal about their hurt, they would be called a fake uni! if you didnt support hyundawn, you were a fake uni; if you didnt support dawn's solo debut, you were a fake uni; if you posted hui crying during bomnari; if you are ot10; if you are ot9— all of it somehow signaled that you werent an ACTUAL ptg stan or that you were a bad person. ive talked about this before, but there are a handful of big-name unis (specifically on twt i dont think any of them are active on here anymore) that tote a Specific Way Of Being A Universe and if you Werent That, then you were somehow doing it wrong. they were are are super protective of the boys, and i get it, theyve been through shit and i want to protect them to, but it was getting to the point of sending hate to other unis for simply being a uni in a different way.

im ot10. i was pretty vocal about it in the past. in my eyes, pentagon will always be 10. they talked about how pentagon wouldnt be pentagon if it werent the 10 of them, dawn got a bigass 10 tattoo on his hip, they fought tooth and nail to debut as 10. to me, that signifies that, if it werent for cube, they would still be 10.

ive stopped being vocal about it because there are a few ot9 stans that tell ot10 stans to get over it. it happened years ago. theyre 9 now, so theres no point on being ot10.

ptg are my ults. they still are. they debuted the same month i tried to kill myself, and while recovering, their debut album was the only thing i could listen to. it comforted me in a way i cant explain now. i think thats why dawn leaving had such an impact on me, and why i had to take a break from everything for months after he left.

theres so much in-fighting that ive seen within the universe community. its hostile and bitter and i hate it. its died down since shalala, but i still see it. it makes me sick to my stomach.

[botwstoriesandsuch]

im loving the history lesson posts!!! what are you're thoughts on the ruins in Tabantha? based on the memory near the skywatchers and the shrine quests in the region, the stone ruins in tabantha existed about 10,000 years ago and were destroyed or vacated and left to crumble. but the stone structures contrast heavily with the wooden architecture of Rito Village? bUT if i'm remembering correctly the song lyrics go "pride of the rito/pillar to the sky" so the rito stone and tabantha itself has (1)

Ok first off, I AM SO SORRY! I read this ask months ago and I worked on it in my google docs and then I was going pure theory mode and then another person sent in another ask about ruins and I was getting all excited so basically long story short I got so caught up in making a masterlist of all the ruins that I completely forgot about this ask until now... So anon I apologize for the terrible wait but hopefully you’ll still enjoy what I have in planned. 

You’ve given me a lot to work with so I’m going to break this up into several posts based on your asks. I’m gonna post them on different days becauseeeee content management, schedules, things.....I’m lazy and also if I posted all my thoughts in one post it would be like a giant book with zero pacing so

[Today] Thoughts on the Ancient Columns and the Ruins of Tabantha

[Some time later idk when I post it I’ll shove the link here] The Effects of the Calamity on the Rito and People of Hyrule

The Relationship between Skywatcher Locations and the Cunning of Calamity Ganon

Buckled in ladies, lads, and gentlefolk? It’s time for a history lesson, Part 1 o’ Trois. So today here is

Ancient Ruins, Architectural Parallels, and the Probable Worship of the Fae

So! Let’s start with the ruins of Tabantha. Specifically, the Ancient Columns. 

Anon you’re correct in that these ruins are over 10,000 years old. We can not only gather this from the fact that their condition is the same even 100 years ago, meaning they have to be older than a century (see their crumbled state and similar moss patterns) but also from direct lines from the Creating a Champion (CaC) book itself. 

However, I’m inclined to believe (for several reasons that I’m going to get into) that these ruins have nothing to do with the “pillar in the sky” as mentioned in the Rito songs. For one, the pillar of Rito village is of an entirely different architectural style, given that it looks like the natural work of wind erosion. And for another, the existence of the Rito village pillar has to have been much younger, around 100 years old, in order to coincide with the Sheikah Shrine quest, as the Sheikah platform thingy has to correlate with the characteristics of the pillar’s shape. Ergo, ergo, ergo, the “pillar in the sky” isn’t 10,000 years old and has no correlation with the Ancient Columns.

Ok so! Back to the actual ruins themselves and what we can analyze from them. 

Circled above is every instance of ruins in the Tabantha region. Although I should specify that I’m talking about the Ancient Hylian ruins, as that is the type that is most notably scattered across this area. 

We know that all these ruins are off the same civilization because of their style and material. 

[Remember this picture for later^^]

In addition, we can also tell from ruin maps in the CaC book that these ruins are from the same Hylian civilization, as well as the important detail that these ruins were centered around the Goddess. 

Citing that other screenshot at the beginning on the Ancient Hylian Culture, these ruins were built around the same time as the Sacred Springs, so I think it’s safe to assume that these ruins had a religious purpose.  

But I can take this one step further! Up until now, all this information has been based on interpretations from the botw ruins and official info alone, but if we take into account the real life counterparts/parallels, I can prove the exact purpose to what these ruins are for!

Firstly, these ruins are obviously inspired by architecture in Ancient Greece, and other old Empires (like the Romans and Byzantines) across the Mediterranean. 

We also know that the ruins are constructed out of limestone. One, because moss is able to grow on it, so it is unlikely that it is marble. And two, we can see the actual limestone texture when seeing the broken parts of certain columns and walls. 

[and kinda quick side note here: but the existence of large limestone rich structures 10,000 years ago gives more credit to the theory that Botw takes place after a large flood, notably the events of Wind Waker. One, because limestone is a material mined near the sea, as seen with the Island of Paros and Naxos for the Ancient Greeks. And Two, this ancient sea was directly mentioned in the description for botw rock salt. And also Three, this explains the weird placement of certain structures, such as the buildings placed on suspended and isolated rocky plateaus like the ones I showed earlier by the Skywatchers. So there’s your mini theory which kinda proves that the Tanagar Canyon was probably an ocean trench at one point and it also still proves my connection of the Ancient Hylian ruins being parallels to the Ancient Greeks and all that because...ocean. Greece, peninsula, hundreds of islands, lots of quarries in Hyrule by the sea. Akkala is by the sea, there’s quarries, also the islands with mining equipment like Tingle Island. You get it by now right?]

Anyway. Greeks, Romans, polytheistic gods, temples for sacrifices, limestone, yadayadayada. Safe to assume that these Hylian ruins were of a civilization centered around a temple of some sort worshiping a powerful being, or beings, such Hylia. Hurray! Theory seems done.

BUT!

I can take it

A step FURTHER!!!

You see, I was originally gonna leave this post at that. The Ancient Columns are of an Ancient Hylian civilization 10,000 years ago that worshiped some higher powers. “Great!” I think to myself. “Time to get all my screenshots so that my ADHD followers wont die immediately” 

But but but! As I was spending an hour or so getting said screenshots, I took this picture right here and came across a revelation so bright you could have placed a light bulb over my head... 

A pretty enough capture, got a nice aerial view of the ruins, the suspended island thing in the middle of the path... nice view of Tanagar Canyon and the Ancient Columns, the sunset is all pretty and—Oh hey! The Great Fairy Fountain is there. Heh, that’s nice. You know it’s kinda weird that it’s just plopped right in the middle of all these Ancient ruin and temp—

BAadaBing, badaBoom, ladies, lads, and gentlefolk! I’m here to tell ya that these giant fae ladies were once worshiped by 10,000 year old Hylian civilizations. And not just this fairy mind you, but all four of them.

First piece of evidence? The proximity of 10,000 year old structures to every Great Fairy. Mind you, these are the most rare type of ruin in the game. 90% of the ruins are of settlements destroyed 100 years ago by the Calamity, and then the other 10% is still divide up between the Ancient Sheikah and Zonai. So I find it quite interesting that almost every case these special ruined civilizations are near a Great Fairy. [Uh, spoilers for all the Great Fairy locations btw]

First, of course, you got the Great Fairy in Tabantha. 

Then you got the one in Akkala, by the Torrin Wetlands (again, the highlights in yellow are of the canonical 10,000 year old Hylian ruins)

The Lanayru Promenade isn’t even up for debate at this point....I mean it was the parade ground for the ceremony up to the Spring of Wisdom. How much more “Ancient Hylian” can you get then that?

The only kinda iffy one is the Great Fairy in the Gerudo desert, but even THEN this fairy is by two out of the three only instances of 10,000 year old ruins in the entire desert, the third instance being the Zonai labyrinth. 

But, sure. Correlation might not equal causation. But I think the picture becomes all the more clear when you take a look at the timeline of events!

Note that no one in Hyrule really knows what the fairies are all about. Sure, you got that one researched in Tabantha that knew about one of them, and some of the elders in Kakariko had a sort of understanding that a fairy was their neighbor. However, their stance was that of wariness and caution, and they very much did not worship or give offerings to them. Dorian, for example explicitly shows suspicion towards the fairy, and thinks they might be dangerous. (Which, to be fair, is valid if you’ve ever read ANYTHING about the fae)

My point is, people don’t know what the Great Fairies are, or what their powers, motives, or *anything* really are. Sure, 100 years might have passed, but it would be pretty hard to forget something as eye catching as the fae. The people of Hyrule can remember century old white horses, cook books, treasure locations, ancient songs, and vague legends, but the majority of them don’t know about the Giant (seriously, it’s right in the name) Fairy Fountains?!

That is, of course, under the assumption that the Great Fairies existence was known 100 years ago. But what if it wasn’t?

You might be inclined to assume that the fairies lost their power because the Calamity prevented them from getting offerings 100 years ago, but in truth, there is no evidence whatsoever saying that their lack of power originated at the rise of Calamity. 

It’s entirely likely that they haven’t been sitting around for 100 years, but 10,000, or even more. It explains why no one knows anything about them, and also their proximity to the ruins. 

A beautiful spring you say? You power is directly correlated to offerings you say? 

Gee if only there was some ancient civilization that existed a long time ago, that has ties to old religious practices, temples, and polytheistic, which has parallels to the Ancient Greeks and Romans who build their civilizations centering around certain gods and offerings to said powers, and also if only these said civilizations were nearby to all of the fae oh WAIT!

Even when Link gives his offerings, the results are only that of the Great Fairy Fountain blooming, not an entire spring. Could an entire spring existed long ago, providing for the hundreds or thousands of people who worshiped the fae? Who’s to say that these old 10,000 year old civilizations gave offerings to the fae not only for the magic and all that, but for the vitality and life that they provide? Who’s to say that those earlier relief arts of warriors on chariots were of people with enhanced armour. Fairies that give you magic defense would be quit helpful for a civilization that liked to battle... the possibilities are endless....

TL;DR, the Ancient Columns, along with the other 10,000 year old Hylian structures, were constructed for religious purposes, centering around the Great Fairies, who accepted their offerings in exchange for the vitality of their springs, as well as their enchantments. 

So! That’s that. Can you believe this is just me tackling only one aspect of anon’s ask? I realize that the majority of the ask was about the Rito but...oops! That’s why I split it into parts. [When I post the other posts I’ll update the contents at the top to link to them]

A like and reblog is appreciated! I spent too long on this, including an extra week because tumblr deleted my original draft which was much longer... so if you liked it, let me know! It’d be nice to know that my time didn’t completely go to waste, :P Anyhow thanks for reading all this

[whitherliliesbloom]

✿ stories you want to write

Tagged by: @earthlystar, @fistsoflightning, @stars-bleed-hearts-shine​, @windup-dragoon​ THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Tagging: idk, whoever wants to do this lmao. just say I tagged you!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a bundle of unfulfilled ideas / headcanons. I have a lot of stories / AU ideas I want to write.. but either don’t have the time or energy to write them... Or you know, I’m just plain lazy.

I’m also kind of leaning more towards Genshin Impact now than FFXIV oops

1) More time travel AU

I KNOW!! I’m the only one who cares about this au okay but 

TIME TRAVEL STORIES ARE ALWAYS SOME OF MY FAVORITE STORIES??? ADDING TO THAT ANYTHING INVOLVING LIKE.. META COMMENTARY AND POSSIBLE 4TH WALL BREAKING??? STEINS;GATE??? MADOKA MAGICA??? CHARLOTTE??? UNDERTALE??? The ability to stop time and rewind time is just such a COOL ASS concept to me?? I won’t shut up about wanting time mage in ffxiv just so I can OFFICIALLY make her a canon overpowered time and space manipulator. Maybe then, time travel au won’t just be an au anymore.

On top of that I just really like Cronus. The idea of an Illya who is so damaged and broken she becomes an entirely different person. I just don’t really have a set plot planned for this au or have any idea on how to resolve the conflict between Cronus, present timeline Illya and Alphinaud... or if I even wanna give Cronus a happy ending iafnioafas. But whenever there’s an opportunity to talk about time travel au, you bet your gil I will.

2) More Nier Automata AU

I kinda lost steam for this AU really really quickly for some reason but.. I had pretty ambitious plans for the plot of this which I really hope I’ll find the inspiration to write out some day.. because I really don’t like just.. reducing my ideas to simple bullet point headcanons. 

Some brief idea of what I had in mind though:

 bad ending depending on illya’s actions at one of the climatic scenes

different ‘good’ endings depending on her last dialogue choice which would lead to her ending up with different love interests. 

love triangle, of course

side plot for alisaie and ryne involving an escort mission

really really meta writing about the meaning of an android’s life and who 2C feels like she really is

scene of 2C regaining memories of alphinaud’s death and losing her shit

Like I said. I’m a bundle of lots of ideas that are almost always unfulfilled. I still really like this au though and I don’t want it to go to waste...

3) More Modern AU

Oops another AU. At least this one isn’t depressing or something that might give you an existential crisis. I have A LOT of headcanons for modern au ffxiv characters... not to mention different versions of the modern au concept. There’s Youtuber Illya AU, there’s highschool AU, there’s that AU where Illya works at a coffee shop and Alphinaud is a university student. 

I just love how laid back and Slice of Life-y modern au can be and I just... really love the idea of Illya living a normal happy life that doesn’t involve her having to kill gods every other day as much as i do love to torture her, yes. 

Some ideas for modern au fics i had:

Highschool AU Ryne asking her friends to cosplay sailor moon characters for a cosplay convention. Laurelis as Sailor Moon and Haurchefant as Tuxedo Mask. Ryne herself as Sailor Venus. Gaia as Sailor Mars. Illya as Sailor Saturn. 

Youtuber Illya attempting to vlog outside her home for the first time while she’s on a date with Alphinaud because her viewers requested it so much. Just pure fluff and the dorks being dorks. 

Highschool AU Illya working on a set of mini terrarium jewelry to sell at the school fair to raise money. The jocks at the school sort of laugh and lowkey bully her for the idea but she ends up making a ton of money.

SOL comedy AU where alisaie and alphinaud both have a crush on Illya sort of compete for her attention. She’s completely oblivious to all of it. 

Cafe AU where Illya has raised enough money (and with Alphinaud’s generous donation) to send in an entry to university. Alphinaud helps her study for the entrance exam. 

More double dates? :eyes:

4) To Aru Majutsu no Index AU

LOOK SOMETHING I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT ON MY BLOG BEFORE. I just really like the premise / setting of this anime. ARE YALL READY FOR WORD VOMIT???

Academy city, a city that houses many schools, and research intuitions devoted to the study and advancement of science. Espers are individuals who use scientifically based supernatural powers, all of whom gained and trained their powers artificially under the system of Academy city. However, there is another underground side to the city - a small organization of people with supernatural abilities that cannot be explained by science. They are called magicians - and due to the rarity of magic, and how Academy city is so repulsed by the idea of abilities that defy the laws of conventional science and their understanding, some people even believe that magic is simply a myth or urban legend. 

While espers typically specialize in only one or two types of ability, magicians are often able to wield a variety of different abilities that take time to train and nurture, making them so frightening to the science side of academy. Some magicians even end up dabbling in the occult or black magic.

Alphinaud, a level 4 esper with the ability to physically see energy waves emitted by other espers. Couple that with his high intelligence, he is able to analyze the movements and abilities of other espers and even pin point the weak points of their abilities. His twin sister Alisaie is also a level 4 esper who is able to teleport herself and one other person she touches a certain distance in a radius around her current location. 

Alphinaud comes across Illya on his home from his training program one day, beaten and exhausted on the side of the road. He wants to call the hospital, but she begs him not to, saying she’s afraid that ‘they’ will find her. He takes her back to his home and nurses her wounds. Not seeing any energy waves being emitted from her, he assumes that she is simply an ordinary citizen. He asks her where her home is and how she ended up injured on the side of the road, but she refuses to tell him.

One day, a fight breaks out on the streets near his home, where a level 5 esper has gone rogue and is attacking innocent bystanders. He asks Illya to stay behind while he and Alisaie takes care of the situation. They are outmatched however, and Illya, watching the situation from the balcony of his home finally decides to step in. She easily incapacitates the esper using a variety of magical abilities the twins have never seen before, draining the man of his energy before returning to heal Alphinaud and Alisaie. 

They question Illya later, and she finally confesses to being a magician who is on the run from an organization who had been keeping her captive for the past few years. She has the ability of perfect memory - being able to memorize spells from any grimoire she reads and utilize the powers for herself, though often at some debilitating cost. The more powerful the spell, the more dire and painful the side effects.  She has been forced to read a total of more than 500 grimoires by now, and only managed to narrowly escape thanks to a mysterious man who took pity on her. 

Due to the side effects of her ability, and also having done nothing but be chained up and forced to read grimoires for the past few years, Illya is physically frail and cannot fend for herself beyond using magical abilities, which she is often hesitant to do.

5) Pokemon AU...carmela im looking

Waiting for @windupnamazu​ to provide more details on her pokemon au buttttt i’ve already been working on illya’s sort of backstory, her pokemon team, alphinaud’s pokemon team and other headcanons regarding this au. Also.. working with an artist regarding illya’s design for this au, which i’m very excited to be able to share =3c Not the time yet tho

I actually talked about a pokemon au with Jam as early as June of last year. I made a pokemon team for illya aaaaaand only half of her original team I had for her over a year ago is still in her current team oops. It’s okay, the retconned ones can stay at home and relax with Lachlan. 

6) More amaurotine stuff

Oh finally something relating to canon. I’ve been thinking about Chloris x Apollo from time to time and honestly I.. really love their dynamic.. despite how sad and lowkey awful Apollo can be towards her. But I think that’s part of the charm of what makes alphinaud and illya’s relationship later so sweet, being able to acknowledge that they had their flaws and learn from them ;w;

I had an idea for Chloris inventing a type of flower with the unintentional suggestion of Apollo, and it later makes an appearance where Alphinaud discovers the flower and asks Illya about it. 

7) The twins... no, not the Leveilleur twins

I think everyone’s talked about their lovechildren more than I have and I’ve already kind of explained why I haven’t made any screens or talked about them at length but.. I really do love them so much ;;;; I wanna find the opportunity to write a fic of them maybe spending a day inside with their army of carbuncles... Also @ancientechos​‘ OC Esme (son of haurche and laurelis) developing a crush on one of them =3c 

Also another idea I had involving them is being taken to the site of some of Illya and Alphinaud’s adventures...

8) Butler AU...hey, anyone remember this? 

Remember when I did several comics back to back and was super motivated for this AU? I do. I miss being motivated and inspired and not like.. wrecked with depression. I have plot points... ALSO INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER OCs WHO JOINED THIS AU???? Maybe one day I’ll find the drive again. At least I was able to finish one plot arc!! Which is more than I can say for most of my other AUs. Someone get me back in the shoujo manga mood!!! please!!

9) Idol AU 

Hey idol AU anon where are you.... WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME YOUR EXTRA HEADCANONS PLEASE COME BACK

10) More Alphinaud and his interactions with DRK Illya

I’ve already written a good number of fics about this, but I still... wanna do more... Acceptance, unconditional love, Illya learning that he won’t leave her despite all her insecurities and flaws... ILLYA FINALLY LEARNING TO IDK ACCEPT HERSELF. HELP.

I just really like DRK Illya okay, and you can pry the symbolism of her duality with her dark side from my cold dead hands. 

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

26. I Hate This Fandom, and I Hate All of You

I absolutely stole this line from an old friend in the Glee fandom, because it’s one that I think about EVERY TIME a fandom gets on my nerves, much the way that even this fandom does and in particular Simon stans. Idk what to tell y’all if y’all feel some type of way... be better people. ANYWHO! Shoutout to my friend for a quote that still means a lot to me 10 years later. Word Count: 4119

Previous

There was a lot of buzz surrounding the mini vacation for Simon’s birthday. Their families were together in Belize. Simon’s photos only reflected Simon either being with Grace and Hazel on the trip, or Grace. For the type to hyperfixate and go through everyone’s pages, they could find entire group photos and stuff on Mr. Laurent’s and Mrs. Monroe’s pages as Mr. Monroe didn’t have social media and Mrs. Laurent’s wasn’t sophisticated (inspirational quotes and recipes and DIYs that she was never going to actually try). Simon’s selected photos always looked like professional stills of the scenery, candids and capturing all the beauty possible, while Grace took hundreds of photos of everything from hijinks and mishaps to food to selfies, and they always just looked like somebody living her best life.

But, someone asked, “Are you in Belize with Grace Monroe?” on Simon’s photo of a pair two pairs of bare feet in the dirt - one an older person, dark brown skin, several scars from previous damages and new callouses, and a younger person’s lighter brown skin and cutesy temporary tattoos on the base of their feet. 

“Grounding, also called earthing, is a therapeutic technique that involves doing activities that “ground” or electrically reconnect you to the earth. This practice relies on earthing science and grounding physics to explain how electrical charges from the earth can have positive effects on your body.” Simon had put as the caption. In the same photo set, you could see an image of his own feet in the dirt, and...

“These are Grace and Hazel Monroe’s feet, right???” When they flipped through the set, there was near the end of several pictures of the landscape and sky, silhouettes of two people in the sunset - remarkably shaped like Grace and Hazel dancing in the dirt.

“OMG OGM GOM MOG MG OOMG…”

“Simon and Grace are BACK ON y’all!”

“Grace is letting Simon post photos of her! You all know that she’s very secretive about Simon these days, and now they’re in Belize and he’s posting photos! We WON everybody!”

“GRACE???”

Grace’s comments were a little bit less like that. A little bit. She had almost forgotten how “Simon’s fans” could get. She had looked up one of those “foods to order when you’re in Belize” articles and gotten everything on the list, took a photo of the table top and captioned, “About to go IN!” And less than a few moments later, had SO MANY, “Are you with Simon/Simon is gonna eat most of that/Save some for Simon/What did Simon order/So jealous that you get to eat all of that! Save room for desert AKA Simon!” That was the point where she decided to go on a comments black out. There could be no more comments on whatever photos that she took for the rest of the trip. Simon left his open, though. It blew his mind that half a year ago, people were telling him that they were disappointed in him for hurting Grace and lying about it, or that they were disappointed in him for trusting Grace again after everything, and now SOME of those very same people were extremely excited just to see them having brunch together that they were already working on wedding date headcanons and pregnancy foreshadowing. This entertained him. Grace wasn’t as much of a fan and contacted Hazel’s social media rep to ensure that any comments or questions about Simon were promptly deleted from any of her pages. Sometimes, they did that too. That was less amusing to Simon. He really believed that kids should be left out of things like that.

Simon knew that he was the reason that they didn’t last, as friends or otherwise and he had come to terms with that, but he still wanted her to be able to forgive him someday, trust him again and let him be a part of her life. This wasn’t her intention with this trip, so he definitely couldn’t take it as a sign. She was enjoying Belize with her daughter and making the most of the fact that her parents had foolishly invited him along, thinking it could be beneficial in some way. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to enjoy his limited time with her to the fullest. 

Plus, he and Hazel had made some small steps to acceptance on her tour of their memory lane. Surprisingly to him, Grace was very open with Hazel about her wrongs. She did tell her about how she fought and hunted down Simon’s bullies, how she stabbed one with a fork and kept it just to remind herself of that day. She told her things that Simon never would have wanted to ever let his kids know that he had done. Hazel just hugged her, told her that she understood her pain better now and that she was proud of her for being able to be a good and strong person now. She posted something about her mom being her hero and being so glad that she had somebody like her in her life. It was really cute. 

Simon went to follow her on her social media and someone even noticed THAT. “Simon Laurent is now following Hazel Monroe on like everything!” They posted with screenshots of his name following each account and an eyeballs emoji. He… blocked the person. He didn’t block people very much, but where Hazel was concerned, he didn’t want any of his stuff to bleed over into her space. Grace wouldn’t like that and he didn’t like it, either. 

He and Hazel had spoken about the charm bracelet. She had been chronicling the charms with their stories, and said something like, “I feel like I’m wearing a sacred relic on my wrist.” 

“Speaking of…” Simon had said, and reached into his satchel. “I made you copies of something…” 

He showed her some pages of what could ONLY be two Esmoroth books and she squealed, hugged them to herself and stuck them in her own tote. “Expect my notes on them, soon.” He gave her a salute. Grace watched them interact and she couldn’t remember many moments that he talked to kids - like she had seen him at work with them and even sometimes whenever she caught part of one of his scouts things, but seeing him and Hazel sort of bonding affected her. She was equal parts cautious and soft. Simon seemed genuine though, and that only became more noticeable during the trip.

He was doing stuff like making sure she was walking on the inside when they went down streets, reflexively shielding her in crowds, helping her over, up onto stuff whenever she looked like she might struggle - things that Grace would normally do/try to do but wait it out to see if Hazel could do it herself or ask her if she needed help. Simon jumped into action and it didn’t seem to bother Hazel, so Grace was able to watch her get babied a little bit. It was cute. She snapped several photos, just for herself, though. 

They got back to the villa to see that Mrs. Monroe had arranged another dinner. “This woman, I swear,” Grace mumbled. Simon laughed a little. 

Mrs. Monroe announced, “We had a spa day and I got the Laurents makeovers. The three of you get washed up and dressed. The photographer is already here and I don’t want him to catch you three looking like… This.” she circled her hands at them, then waved them off. 

“What… should I wear?” Simon asked as they walked off.

“I’ve set your outfits out!” Mrs. Monroe called at his back, “All of you!” 

“I really feel like I’m 15 again,” Grace said shaking her head. Simon let out a grunt of agreement. 

Hazel wondered, “This is what 15 feels like???” Not her 15. Grace was NEVER gonna do this type of stuff to her. But, the occasional bossiness of GlamMother Monroe would be fine. ONLY on occasion. 

They reconvened with the family on the patio, overlooking the water as they were relaxed enough to not be as uncomfortable as at the birthday dinner. Hazel and Simon were talking about how far along she had gotten in his book, which she had her copy of at the table and was going over notes so far (she was pleased with where it was going and she enjoyed the angst between the Future King and the Idol Princess, “A lot more than I would have before everything I learned about you and my mom,” Grace heard her say. 

“Do you want more?” Grace heard an unfamiliar voice ask. 

She turned to see Mrs. Laurent staring at her with gray eyes… Simon’s eyes. Ugh… This is where he got those? She forced a smile and shrugged, “Someday.”

The woman leaned closer to her and said, “It gets tougher whenever there’s another. You have a hard time juggling the same amount of love that you have in you between more bodies.”

“I don’t think I’ll have that problem, but I’m going to take everything that the professionals say into consideration whenever I begin to think about expanding the family.”

“Simon was really easy. You just give him a little block set or something to build and he would leave you alone for hours. His sister needed constant attention. She just couldn’t stand not being focused on. I could easily leave Simon alone for half a day whenever he was 6. Hope couldn’t be left for a couple of hours, even having someone there with her…”

“Leave her alone,” they heard Simon growl at his mother in a low voice. The woman frowned and sat back in her seat. “Are you okay, Grace?” Simon looked at Grace’s hands clutching the table. She looked at them too, and released her grip, then saw Hazel, looking at her concerned and looking at Mrs. Laurent suspiciously.

“Yeah. She was just talking about motherhood.”

“About how she was terrible at it?” Simon asked.

“Simon…” Grace started.

But Hazel interjected, “Not everybody has a mom like you, Grace.”

“My mom isn’t perfect…”

“I think she meant a mom who is like you,” Simon said. Hazel nodded. “Some of us got hit a lot and yelled at, called names…”

“Abandoned in a field for days…”Hazel added. “Not to say that GlamMother was better! Just… sometimes it’s harder to trust people again, depending on what they did and well… as a mommy, doing bad stuff to your kid makes it so hard to even be nice.”

Grace nodded and adjusted Hazel’s braids. She had braided her hair whenever they were on the plane, to pass the time on the long flight. “I understand. I’ve been hurt by somebody that I thought really loved me before…” Simon blinked and turned away. Hazel gave him a sympathetic glance. Grace added, “But, I’m really trying not to be angry with them forever, and I think maybe our moms might be able to inherit a little bit of the same kind of forgiveness that we would want from others.”

Hazel scoffed, “She is definitely talking to you, Simon. There’s no way I’m forgiving any time soon.”

Simon said, “Noted,” and stared into his cup. He sat for a while longer and then took his cup and left the table. Hazel lowered her eyes, avoiding looking at Grace. 

Mrs. Laurent offered, “He’s always been really sensitive. I’ll go…”

“No,” Grace said. “You… stay.” She stood up, glanced at Mrs. Laurent, slid Hazel’s chair away from her a little, basically letting Hazel know not to engage with that woman (though Hazel seemed to be the only person that the woman was kind hearted to, probably reminded her of her daughter or something). Grace found Simon pacing and clenching his fists. She turned to leave. This was a private moment, but he glanced up, saw her and stopped moving. She winced and clasped her hands together, “I was coming to check on you.” He relaxed a little and sat down on the nearby stairs. 

She leaned against the rail and explained, “I’m not saying that you have to forgive your mom if you want me to forgive you. That’s not what I meant to convey. I just mean… that I try to think about things from the other person’s shoes a lot more than I used to. I remember right before I snapped, I asked my mom if you really believed all of the things you said about me, or if you were just a really good liar. I still don’t really know for sure what the answer is and I don’t think you do, either. And, whenever we don’t even fully know ourselves, how can we possibly know what others are going through? For all I know, you’re in the most pain that has ever pained anyone. I couldn’t say. What I can say is that I won’t let your pain be an excuse to hurt me, and as long as you aren’t hurting me, I see no reason to punish you.” She sat next to him. “But, maybe you and your mom can’t be like that, and that’s valid. I was just throwing something out in the air. I probably should have thought it through.”

“It’s true though. The stuff I did is just as unforgivable as the stuff she did. How can I expect you to ever trust me again when I’m not willing to do the same with her?”

“I mean… you and me are different people. You and her are different people. Not everything is interchangeable.”

“Any time I’m near Hazel, you look like at any moment, you expect me to throw her into the ocean. It feels really bad, but I get it. So… I know that she MIGHT be hurting too. It’s just… so hard. And to think that this is the way that I make you feel when I’m around, trying to pretend that I’m normal… It’s the most painful part. What can I do though? I made it this way. I did things that can’t be undone. Even in trying to rectify it, that’s just… treating an injury. I’ll never be able to remove the scars.” He had tears falling down his face, which he wiped away before she could have the chance to feel bad. “And you’re the last person that I should be whining to about it, because you’re the victim in this story.”

“A survivor,” she corrected. “Who has chosen to try to understand. Let’s give each other a little more space. We went around town, living in the old days and that maybe threw us a bit out of reality’s orbit. You were fine before we hung out..” He opened his mouth to debate, but she caught herself and corrected, “Well, not fine, but better. And… you need to get increasingly better. Until you’re well.” She got up and he watched her go back out and collect Hazel. They turned in early that night. He went back out to talk to his mom… 

.

The Laurents were awake early and the only ones in the kitchen with Hazel whenever Grace emerged from their quarters. Mr. Laurent had made pancakes and eggs, and Hazel was stuffing her face and reading. Simon was next to her, ready to protect her, if he had to, while his mother was nursing a cup of coffee with a full, cold plate in front of her. “Good morning!” Grace cheered and kissed Hazel on top of the head, then Simon, though she awkwardly cringed after she did. He blushed, but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Yeah, she requested space, but she was also always affectionate and they had been around each other a lot the past few days. 

“Good morning,” Mr. Laurent said. “Plenty of pancakes and eggs!” 

“I’m having breakfast with my parents, but thank you for the offer,” she said in a fake sweet voice. “Hazel, why don’t you go get ready for the day. We’re spending it with your grands.”

“Yes!!! They give the BEST day out presents!” Grace sat down, and Simon noticed that with the off the shoulders blouse she had on, he could see the tan marks on her now even darker brown skin. He… liked tan marks. And… her hair smelled really good. Her lips looked so moist… She squinted her eyes at him and he quickly turned away and grabbed his plate and Hazel’s to clear them from the table. 

“What do you all have planned for the day?” She asked.

“I’m going to take Samantha to the beach,” Simon said. 

“If you can find her. I told you to keep her in her crate,” Mrs. Laurent said.

“I let her out in my quarters, not in the entire villa. She’s somewhere in my space,” he said. They had been bickering. He told her that he was trying to forgive her, because forgiving her might mean being able to forgive himself for the things that he had done. She told him that even if she tried for the rest of her life, she couldn’t forgive him for what he did to Hope… So… They weren’t any closer to whatever it was Grace was at in her growth journey. “I might do something with my hair,” Simon said, shrugging his shoulders as he washed dishes and returning his attention to Grace’s question. “Since I have that patch on the side from getting kicked in the head, I sort of want to do something Viking looking or elvish… Maybe a braid and a side do.”

“That sounds hot,” Grace said. He blushed again. “There might be something in Hazel’s Celtic book! There were some hairstyles in there. She carries the thing around a lot. Every since we found out that she had it in her DNA, she’s sorta been obsessed with Celtic history and the fact that there’s hazel tree lore is her favorite coincidence in the world.” Simon smiled and put the clean dishes away. 

“She’s a great kid. You’re doing great with her.”

“It’s really not that hard. I just love her a lot and always try to give her what’s best for her and trust her to let me know if she doesn’t agree with what’s best for her… which isn’t often, at all. I worry that she sometimes maybe has too much emotional maturity. Like, if I shouldn’t coddle her a little more…” She bit her lip. “Like… how can you even tell when it’s what’s best?”

“She is happy and healthy. I trust that you do what’s best.” He cut his eyes at his mother and dismissed himself just as Hazel returned. They high fived each other when they crossed paths and Grace got up so that they could leave. She’d meet her parents elsewhere later. She couldn’t just stay in there with the Laurents, no matter how nice they were maybe trying to be.

.

She and Simon did well enough keeping their space through the rest of the trip. By Monday morning, when they were all back home, Grace wondered if Hazel needed a day to recover, but she was SO READY to get to school and brag to her friends about how she had been given drafts of the next two books of Esmoroth and how she wouldn’t tell them what happened and they would be SO jealous and think she’s SO cool. “They might even think that I’m lying. That’s why I have photos of me and Simon, with both of the drafts. They’re gonna be extremely, extremely envious.”

Grace laughed, “Why do you want your friends to be envious?”

“Because, that’s how you know it’s the good stuff.” Hazel still had her braids in. They probably wouldn’t last as long as that style would in Grace’s head, but Grace estimated she still had a few weeks before they would have to take them down. Also, Grace noticed that after giving Simon the leaf in her hair whenever they went to get on their planes home… She hadn’t replaced it. She put in one of her leaf clips and almost left the door without Grace! Grace caught up with her and the girl was as lively as ever. Grace didn’t have that same enthusiasm. 

The weekend was exhausting for her. Seeing her parents wore her out. Seeing them, the Laurents, and specifically Simon? She was about to sleep this entire day, until it was time to meet up with Hazel afterschool. Back in her own bed, with her own energy in her space, her own schedule and company (or lack thereof) it was great. 

.

 Simon had went live while he was working on styling his hair, to clear up all of the rumors about he and Grace rekindling their romance, which essentially boiled down to, “Grace and I are not together. We aren’t even friends again. The Monroes were nice enough to treat my family to a vacation for my birthday. I love, admire, adore, worship, would die for Grace, but I’ve done too much stuff for her to ever trust me again and I have to be okay with that, so all of you should be, too.”

Grace didn’t know until Hazel told her that Forgive Him Grace and Groveling for Grace were a thing. She watched the video and was amazed that they had taken his words and decided to do the complete opposite, because of course they did! She merely made a post, with no tags or links that said, “I hate this fandom, and I hate all of you.” Some were in the comments laughing, because they knew exactly what she was talking about. Some were asking her what fandom it was and offering words of kindness. Some were just flooding it with those stupid hashtags. 

Simon messaged her to apologize and insist that he didn’t mean for THIS to happen. She turned it into a video call, which he immediately picked up.

“Your followers have always been a very… special kind. Unreasonable. Stubborn. Obsessively defensive, even when you absolutely don’t deserve it.” He looked embarrassed. “You trained them too well. Jeesh.”

“They’re literally a little cult on the internet,” he said.

“Yup. They better not be bothering my baby.”

“No. I shut that shit down the moment I see it. I actually pinned an exile list to the top of my pages specifically for that.”

She checked and saw “For troubling Hazel Monroe, you will be exiled and your name will go upon this wall of shame.” It was followed by a list of names of people he blocked and at the bottom, “Leave her alone or you won’t be welcome here.” 

“This is kinda adorable,” she said. “I love how you are with her. It means a lot to me.”

“You mean a lot to me, so she does too,” he said. She bit her lip and blew air through her lips. He smiled. “I love that you still do that. I was counting the similarities and differences.”

“I’d love to hear what you came up with!” She said.

“Okay. Similarities: You still do that brrrr thing with your mouth when you’re thinking or uncomfortable. You still play with people’s hair as a show of affection. You playfully tugged on Hazel’s braids so many times! Your feet still bother you… though they seem to be giving you more trouble than before. You still try to play nice with people and speak sweetly… Differences: You’re more confident. Not that you were insecure before, but you used to care what people think about you and now, you just don’t. It’s really sexy.” She blushed. “You’re independent. You don’t need anybody else and you used to always want somebody around. Like, you love Hazel and keep her close, but I can tell that you also allow her freedom and don’t demand her obedience like your parents did to you. And you’re… everything. I can’t believe that I convinced myself that you were nothing. You’re everything, and I would do anything for you.” They both just stared at each other a while. 

“Well… That’s a nice thought. I’ll think of you if I need anything.”

“Or if you want anything…. Anything at all, Grace. I swear.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon. Get your followers together!”

“I’m on it,” he said and rested his chin on his hands. She exited the conversation and took a deep breath. She didn’t know what he meant by any of that, but she had a feeling that it would be clear soon. Simon never made a declaration that he wasn’t going to come through about. Even “new” Simon. 

Next

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #321

i’m exploring the deepest recesses of tumblr to unearth super old surveys, so you can expect an onslaught of ‘em.

When someone is tailgating you, do you drive faster or slower? I drive the same speed, even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? My sister's place. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you? No; only my parents and immediate sisters live here. Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Is there a food you hate that everyone else seems to like? Especially where I live, fried chicken. It's disgusting. Have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Numerous, actually. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have a driver's license, never mind anything else. What job does you significant other have? I’m single. When you were in elementary school, what was a typical afternoon like once you got home from school? I did my homework right away; well, after having a snack. After that, I was most likely on the computer playing Neopets or Webkinz, or something on the PlayStation. Is your favorite movie part of a series? Yes. Have you ever played in a water puddle? Sure, as a kid. I loved that. Have you ever played in a mud puddle? I don't think so. Have you ever kissed someone (outside) in the rain? Yes. He did it purely to be romantic, lol. Have you ever lost control of your car in the rain? No, thank fuck. Have you ever had to attend summer school? No. Have you ever experienced a summer where the temperature exceeded 120'F/49'C? Yikes, no, not that high. The highest we usually get is below 110. Do you live in a hot or cold (normally) climate? Hot. It sucks. Has your community ever had a “smog alert”? No. Have you ever raked leaves, and then played in them? Oh, absolutely as a kid. Dad would rake a pile just for us kids. Have they ever cancelled school because it was too hot? At least once, yes. Have you ever had to shovel snow? No. Have you ever experienced “cat’s breath”, where the wind was so powerful it took your breath away, literally? Yep, especially when I visited Sara and we went on a walk. It was fucking outrageous. Safe to say I didn't last long on that walk. Has your/or have you been in a car that was stuck in a snowstorm? No. What does your MySpace profile look like? I haven't seen it since that site was still "a thing." I do remember, however, that it was COVERED in meerkats, haha. Pictures, facts, etc. And my page song was "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield lmao. Do you like living in the country or city better? Country, 100%. I'm not a city gal by any means. Do you have a big backyard? No, it's very small. Not used to that at all. What is your favorite Adam Sandler movie? I don't know, he's in too many to choose lmao. What was the last thing that surprised you? Apparently a rocket crashed today after launch. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. I... didn't even know those existed lmao I feel dumb. Who was the last person that said something that warmed your heart? I'm not sure, but I'm quite certain my niece or nephew would be involved there, haha. What is your favorite park? I don't have one. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you believe anyone is asexual? ???????????? Yes???????????? Were you abused? No. Have you ever missed a deadline? Yeah. Can you tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart in pictures? I haven't seen them in an eternity, idk. Describe your fondest memory: I don't really want to... but I'll entertain the question. It's hard to choose, and they just about all include Jason. I think what I hold closest though was our dance to "Stairway to Heaven" after prom in the headlights of his car in my front yard. It's something that physically hurts to remember. What song makes you cry every time you hear it? Let's set aside my "trigger songs" for this. "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade does it very easily. How often do you break your promises? I almost never do. I don't bullshit around with promises. I've only ever broken ones I'd forgotten I'd made, if my memory serves me right. How long do you take in the shower, on average? Not even 10 minutes. Do you have your MySpace/Facebook profile set to a "friends only" setting? Yes. Did your last kiss mean anything? Why or why not? Of course it did. I care very, very deeply for her. Are your summers usually boring and relaxing, or busy and interesting? "Summers are hot and miserable." <<<< mood Tell me a crazy thing you did as a child. I don't really think I did anything "crazy" as a child, just weird. Like pretending to be a father penguin arranging rocks to mock a nest. I was fuckin weird. How many best friends do you have? One. When you’re upset, who do you wanna talk to the most? Either Sara, Mom, or nobody. Opinion on Daughtry? They're nice. "No Surprise" is positively beautiful. Do you like country music? Noooooo. What’s been the most awkward situation you've been in? Okay, possible TMI. Basically, Jason's parents arrived home way, way earlier than they were supposed to and my panicky ass couldn't find my clothes quickly, and when I finally did, I had to dress as quickly as possible in his tiny-ass closet while he distracted his mom and dad lmfao. I'ma just say it was a very close call to me melting into a mortified puddle. I look back on it and laugh now, but the absolute, throbbing fear I felt was NOT funny back then lmfao. Don’t you love that feeling when you look at someone and you just melt? <3 That is genuinely one of the best feelings in the entire world. Do you prefer male or female singers? I have no preference. So what are you planning for this summer? Nothing, really... Who knows where the Covid situation will be then. What’s a good book? In general for absolutely anyone, Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It is a book about pacifism that is so very deep and emotional. For women, I highly recommend The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. As a woman myself, the concept of the book is terrifying, to be reduced to reproduction machines without rights, so it's something you can really feel as a female. It's a book that definitely makes you want to fight for women's rights. Is it awkward for you when your parents talk to you about boys etc… No. I'm a grown woman. Now if she asked about my sex life (if I had one), I'd feel a bit weird, but not very. Do you like it when guys play with your hair? Yeah. Ever cried when you had to say goodbye to someone? Well of course. Over multiple people. Have your parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Have you ever dreamt of someone you barely know? Indeed. Do you have a blood donor’s card? Yep. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? I had to before surgery. Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No. What kind of doctor did you go to the last time you went? It was via phone, but I talked with my psychiatrist a few days ago. Does your ex still think about you? I'm sure Sara and Girt do, as they're my good friends, but idk if either think of me romantically. I would hope Jason at least remembers me with some degree of care in his heart... As for Juan, Aaron, and Tyler, idk if they do and I don't really care. What has been bothering you a lot lately? My weight. Are you trustworthy? I think so, yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? Yeah, but it definitely depends on the situation. Which literary character would you dress up as, if you had to choose one? Speaking of The Handmaid's Tale, for Halloween one year, I really, really want to take some cool photos of me dressed as a handmaid with a (obviously fake) blood splatter over my stomach. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Being born with the mom I have, probably. I have no idea. None. Of where I'd be without her. Do you miss college? Sigh, sometimes... but I'm not going back. No chance. Dropping out three times due to my mental state hints at a clear pattern. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? Yeah, accidentally. Except with my physical science teacher in HS that eventually became my "other mom" and most recently our landlord, even. I call her "Mama" sometimes. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? It was a wolf whose name I don't remember. What color was your nursery when you were a baby? No clue. What is your favorite arcade game? I desperately wanna go to a location that has Silent Hill: The Arcade. :/ That's on my bucket list. It's very rare. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don’t have any plants to water. What is your favorite fall drink? I don't drink any "fall" drinks. Favorite winter drink? Hot chocolate! Favorite spring drink? There are "spring" drinks? Favorite summer drink? Gimme a nice, cold margarita. Name three creative people you know. Sara, Tez, and Mini are some of the most creative people I've ever written with. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Mark in like a million different ways, I look up greatly to Jeffree Star's work ethic (say what you will about him personally, but holy shit does mama WORK), and Emzotic for her incredible growth after trauma that's left her more confident than ever, and she's amazing with animals and just a darling overall. Does anyone know who your current crush is? Yeah, I'm pretty open about it. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully, no. Which song describes your life? I relate to "Get Up" by Mother Mother a lot at this point in my life. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? Probably because I open up so slowly/am very secretive of myself when someone might be trying to get close. People have also criticized my laziness. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? YouTube. At least I think Tez was the last person I gave my number to. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? Hunter, my neighbor growing up. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My therapist. I had to leave group due to severe abdominal cramping. It was just my period, but he just wanted to check. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a soda back when I was still in school. Has anyone given you butterflies recently? Actually yeah; I had a memory of Sara that caused 'em to revisit me. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I'm going to exclude my puppy-dog crush (Dylan) and talk about my first "real" crush, Sebastian. I liked him because we had very similar interests, he was really friendly, nice, and funny, and he clearly trusted me a lot because he actually confided in me regarding the relationship he was in that was struggling and causing him a lot of pain. I thought he was attractive, too. Ngl, I wonder sometimes where we could have gone if he hadn't been dating the girl, because I'm 90% sure he was into me, too. In current times, he very recently got engaged! Super happy for him. Which parent do you identify with the most? My ma. What do you think you cook or bake the best? Scrambled eggs, I guess. That's just about all I CAN make, haha. My family likes 'em. I always use American cheese, salt, pepper, and a bit of hot sauce. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Admitting I RP. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Of actually important things, gay rights. If we're talkin' passionate about anything, then the answer's meerkats, duh. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? A rival photographer that lives here. I absolutely hate admitting that, but yeah, I'm extremely envious of her. She gets way more traffic than I do by a long shot, even though I, from a completely modest and honest standpoint, genuinely think I do better work than her. It's just frustrating. All about who you know in this business. How old is the most expired item in your fridge? Supposedly our milk expired on the 1st, but it smells just fine? And mind you, I am very cautious with expiration dates, and I've found milk typically starts to smell bad a few days earlier than the date to me. This jug is an outlier. What are your favorite style of underwear? I'm a fat old lady that likes high-waisted underwear. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Maybe "The Ballad of Dwight Fry" by Alice Cooper. I could name tons, though. How about the sweetest song? Maybe "Easy to Love You" by Theory of a Deadman. Another song I struggle to listen to because it was one of mine and Jason's "songs." Do you know how to play dominoes? No. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? Not in the least. Why or why not? I'm just wasting time. Doing nothing with true meaning, and I seem unable to get over this low point I'm in. How many bones have you broken? One. Well, I was told "fractured," but apparently that's the same thing as broken? Have you ever won anything? Big or small? Yeah, multiple things. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Animals like cats or dogs. Pets, basically. I would feel WAY too weird. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? Yes. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? If I'm embarrassed by it, why would I share it with whoever reads these? What is the most important memory you have and why? When I decided it was truly time to move on from Jason. Why that's my most important is obvious: it changed my mindset and life in general. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? God, I hope Jason read my apology email I last sent him. I finally accepted I did wrong, too, and I want to know that he knows that. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My youngest niece's first birthday was mid-February. What’s a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? The violin. Do you play that instrument? I wish I could. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) Just spaghetti noodles, ig. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Who sent the last e-mail you got? My PHP therapist sent me the Zoom link to our group session. Do you have a favorite shape? Out of basic ones, circles. What’s the last song you bought/downloaded? I don't recall. Probably something by 3TEETH. Have you ever been on a trapeze? Hell nah. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine’s Day when it goes on sale? No. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I met a poet at the psych hospital once. I also have an old friend who had something published in a magazine, I think. Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but I'd love to to take more ~aesthetic~ photographs sometimes. What is something you think is underrated? Snakes! :( They're not scary or gross, nor do they in any way deserve to be killed. I wish the worth of snakes was seen much more clearly. They are spectacular, intriguing animals. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Once it hits like 65*F, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I hope beyond hope that I have a job I enjoy. And that I'm driving again. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? I used to loooove video editing, but I've lost all motivation for it. Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? Somewhere we have this one stretchy thing that I have no idea what it's called, then there are two sets of small weights somewhere. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? New York. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, ya can't go more east in NC unless you want to drive into the ocean... lol. West? Illinois. If you have/want children, will you raise them similar to the way you were raised? If I had kids, I would in some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Nothing strange, no. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't know. Not very high. Do you have an ebook reader? (iPad, Kindle, etc.) No. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? 2017, ig. What is the last random act of kindness you did? I guess you could consider a loving text to Sara a random act of kindness?