#idk what their whole obsession with trans people is. like i saw a post that was like ''here are a bunch of trans predators!!'' and it's so-

[steakout-05]

saw some really triggering and horrible shit in the absolutely rancid shithole that is radfem tumblr so here is a reminder that TERFs are not, never have been and never will be welcome on this blog. i will not tolerate any hate or bigotry for trans people (or any people, really) on this blog, and if i gotta see people spewing any sort of that shit on here, it's blocked on-sight. take your blind hatred somewhere else, preferably where no one else can see or hear it.

[velvetvexations]

if were talking tv shows and movies, i find that while most portrayals of trans men arent as outright obviously violent, the narrative clearly dislikes what theyre doing and thinks theyre making a bad decision. take max from the l word, a show that clearly cares more about how transitioning will ""hurt"" other people and the beauty of being ""female"" than caring about a trans man getting to be happy.

i mean, "disgusting predator" isnt the only way to be treated badly, and famously trans men arent really depicted in mainstream media, and a lack of representation isnt suddenly good because its trans men. i guess its a grass is always greener on the other side situation.

I don't even think it's that! We're in a new age of maximum casual queer representation across all media, and sure, at this point it's kinna still somewhere between "oh, hey, television is starting to have Black characters appear on-screen" and the ideal you see more of in smaller works, but regardless it's almost always either non-binary people (I imagine because they're easier to signal) and trans women. I've talked about this a few times before but it's always blown me away by how many transmasc people I've been surrounded by relative to how often they appear in media - even the smaller works.

I'm also like, not entirely sure what media everyone is watching. Did people start accidentally subscribing to The Daily Caller or what? It's hard to think of "mainstream media" that's still full-on Buffalo Bill (and even Silence of the Lambs was more a problem for it's misunderstood impact than it's actual content.)

Even like, The L Word with trans men, I'm not denying that was a major landmark in queer media, but between that and the examples I see people give for negative portrayals of trans women, it feels like people are focusing way too hard on the past and not stuff that's come out in like...the last decade and a half. Which makes this whole thing about pitting representation against each other crazy to me.

Like, maybe I'm wrong? But literally I saw this post about how bad transfems had it in media and every single thing either came out in the 20th century, was a television show (Family Guy, South Park) that began in the 20th century and is mainly watched by middle aged people who think they're still counter-culture, or one movie that was released in the past decade but was a hyper obscure box-office bomb.

So right now it's like, okay, even if we accept trans women did previously have it worse, if we did grant that, it feels like that's much less of an issue now and that trans men being underrepresented is more of a problem that needs addressing instead of obsessing over boomer shit?

Except like, no one was even really saying "we need to prioritize transmascs in media" in the first place, right? Like that anon just came in and was like, transmascs have it so easy because their media representation is so good and ours is so bad, and it's like, okay, well, let's examine that if you're going to bring it to the table completely unprompted.

IDK if I'm out of line here but it sincerely puzzles me.

[cee-grice]

Hello! I'm getting caught up on all your amazing asks here... But here's my pre-emptive Ask for Storytelling Saturday for next week:

Describe your WIP in bullet points so my ADHD brain gets it quickly!

hey hey Belle!! oh man, I also have to clean out my inbox, it's getting a bit embarrassing haha... I know you said this is a pre-emptive STS ask, but!.. I saw it and got excited lol, so you're getting it answered Now

so! my current WIP, When White Crows Cry, described in bullet points:

(this is gonna be long)

it's a science fantasy?? only instead of robots and space we have chemistry and pathology lol

also dark academia vibes

set in a secondary world reminiscent of 19th century-esque europe, only with modern advancements in science

the magic system is science-based - essentially, if you wanna manipulate the fabric of reality, you gotta. understand said fabric of reality

so, to cast a believable illusion you need to perfectly understand color and light and depth and all that (so you gotta be a kickass realism artist lol)

or, to change a glass ball into a gold one, you gotta understand the molecular composition of each material and know how to manipulate it so it would change forms

there's one tiny teensy issue with magic, though - it is a limited resource ahaha

ANYWAY that's the gist of it

main character - Quil, an exceptional transmutation mage who got exiled some years ago for performing human transmutation (very bad very taboo)

(he, of course, continues doing human transmutation)

(despite the Trauma)

the second most important character - Endra, who has this nasty magical parasite slowly eating away at his body and mind, and his only hope at a cure is... human transmutation

you can see where this is going

anyway so that's the Past timeline - Quil trying to figure out what's going on with Endra's body and finding a way to fix it

(this is also the Romance timeline lol)

we also have the Present timeline

and that starts with Quil getting revived a year after his death in the country he'd gotten exiled from

:0!

(that's literally the first chapter so it's not a spoiler lol)

anyway he gets offered a Deal - help his ex-mentor with her project that could potentially save magic, and in exchange he'd get amnesty

the issue? he really, really hates his ex-mentor

and he would have really, really preferred to stay dead

this whole magic dying thing is Not his problem, either lol

counter issue? the project concerns the same magic parasite that Endra had (has?), so it could put him in danger, and Quil quite literally would die again before he let that happen, so.

he agrees

(so that he could sabotage it lol)

but also! Quil doesn't know what happened with Endra post his death, so that's something he works on figuring out as well

(he gets far more questions than answers. where IS this guy)

anywayyy that's the gist of the story

now for the lightning round

this would be for you if any of this intrigues you:

highly questionable academic and medical ethics

characters forsaking morality to get what they want and losing sight of what truly matters

So Much Interpersonal Drama

no physical fights - a Lot of verbal fights

dealing with the horrors of resurrection

dealing with the horrors of facing your loved ones after they'd mourned you for a year

a cast of eccentric scientists

an obsessive, codependent queer romance between people who don't know how the other looks like

a lot of fucked up queer characters in general

an incredibly spiteful trans protagonist who just wants to be left the fuck alone but everyone insists on dragging him into their shit, so instead he's gonna Make them leave him alone

everyone wanting you to live apart from You

magic biology! magic chemistry! magic science! nerd shit!

anyway oof idk if this helps but omggg is it hard to explain a fantasy story quickly ahaha....

(this is the general tag for this wip so u can check out more stuff about it that's explained in a more cohesive manner lol)

[tylerdashart]

(spoilers for TDP season 4)

OKAY. so i dont really do these kinda posts but id like to say a few things about season 4 cus ive seen some things and the fandom making theories, i just like to write about my own thoughts. ive watched s4 only one time due to not having netflix so i dont really remember many scenes.

"season 5 when?" are you good?? the season 4 just dropped 3 days ago! Im serious when i say ive seen multiple people already posting this question mostly on YT comments or Insta. also the fact that they're not artists OR a fic author makes sense honestly. they have no idea how animation works.

"rayla's acting weird" this is what frustrats me the most. NO she's not... ok maybe a little. but like. come the fuck on, she was gone for 2 years. ofc she's not the same person we saw in season 3. people change. plus, personally, i dont see any difference on her except this one time when callum asked her to...kill him. yes rayla acted a lot calm in that scene- not just that scene really. she was so calm most of the time, but i can see why? she's trying to get callum warm up to her, she's giving him space, she's being gentle as much as she can cus she knows how much she hurt him. she's grown up, she's not the same hot-headed, irritated elf anymore. and we all know how she hides her feelings. Im pretty sure she's gotten used to it, or managed to cope her feelings well so that she can stay calm. lastly about rayla, all i have to say is people change, so does rayla. and no she's not fake at all.

firstly, if rayla's acting weird, what about Viren being supportive with Terry? isnt that weirder? he didnt even treat his own son better, but he's supporting a trans fella? sus.... secondly, what about opeli being so chill about Ez going with Zubia. in that case most of the characters in s4 were out of character. and that's okay cus it's been 2 fucking years!

personally i think the "Zubia in Katolis" scene was a bit rushed. they couldve done it better but Im not saying it was bad at all tho! i loved the scene with the whole callum doing magic thing and the dragon sized jelly tart? xD

"why is rayla back?" why not really. she realized it was useless to find viren and came back home? she realized she wanted to see her mage? "we had something so special. but I became so obsessed with revenge, i.. risked losing the best thing ive ever had... you" she CLEARLY missed him yall. ofc she came back.

"where's the rayllum kiss" Im glad we didnt get a rayllum kiss. I know this is a cartoon show but at least the animators made it similar to how an in-real-life relationship works. people dont just go "you were gone for two years but its okay, i forgive you, lets kiss". Callum needs time to get used to being around rayla again. he's happy but also angry, he needs to see how hard rayla's trying to win callum's trust back. it was so clear that callum got a bit comfortable with rayla again in the last few episodes, especially the last one. That hug was enough sign for us to know they're gonna be okay and that they're still deeply in love.

Stella isNT EVIL YALL. leave my poor baby girl alone >:c

the fart joke was......nuhuh. idk if it's just me but it was gross. i dont wanna remember how much i cringed.

claudia was a bit- no fuck it- she was too much this season. especially in that scene where she tricked rayla with pebbles. god that hurt so much.

Lastly, Season 4 was amazing!! i loved season 4, and all the new things we saw. the arc is building up, it's so interesting, im so excited for season 5.

[judesbelligoal]

With j^degossip account can we talk about how obsessed she was with them girls who were on a yatch with j^de and his friend years ago I now believe she was the one who were sending stuff in about them bashing them cause she was envious about it cause for full 2 days that all her account was them 3 girls on a yatch who (many didn’t even know were there) or who never saw the pictures she posted of them I started to get the ick when she was allowing her anons or (probably herself tbh) mock the girls looks calling them old and writing long ass paragraphs about how the girls are ran thru and will never found anyone and also how they should have shame (like it’s anyone business as long as what they did is consensual they who cares is that’s what they do for a living) she even allowed an anon to call one of them a trans looking (she t word idk if that’s considered a slur or not) that’s when I just knew that account needed to go she’s vile and I’m glad she’s gone she has no respect for j^de or anyone she posts and I knew she lied about everything cause she’s willing to allow people to m*ck t^by endlessly but suddenly you have morals when people send you “gossip with proof”.

Yeah she’s seems very mean spirited. I actually liked her blog when i first came across it but quickly realised that it just wasnt the kind of blog i like to follow. All she & her followers did was insult people who have done nothing to her on anyone we know of. That was the whole reason I decided to create my own blog 🥲

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2

Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.

Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification

Sero Hanata

so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you

they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him

Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you

Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows

If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it

they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times

they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort

If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.

they cried way more than you though...

Was very accepting as an nb person as well

they custom made you a tape binder of his

Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them

Takes you to pride but you cannot speak

only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them

Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float

You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at

After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go

they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though

When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board

they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else

If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort

Tokoyami Fumikage

haha they're in love with you

like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you

Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you

when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius

Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours

After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude

they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world

they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways

hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek

they love living with you though, like really love it

they like baking and making dinner for you

but especially baking

like really, baking

the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do

they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well

The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them

you both kind of heal each other through this process

they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need

also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth

idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao

they also get you a compression corset because they're emo

if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them

they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it

there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like

they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this

but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine

Shinso Hitoshi

Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain

they always thought that they weren't good enough for you

he loved you but you needed to say hi first

and you did

so he whisked you away

they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food

he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable

especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him

He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows

once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light

they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?

a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega

sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things

when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care

like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it

he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"

HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????

definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though

like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you

he melts over you cuddling them after those times though

if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there

like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)

Monoma Neito

bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face

love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way

he loves just having you around him

kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it

likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him

a hardcore fan of collars though

definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it

big time cook

loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies

absolute fucking disaster about hugging you

always has to be touching you

he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom

if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first

he's just diet transphobic

he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff

he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes

he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole

talks to you about binders and stuff like that

doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through

he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt

he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun

Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.

[angeltrapz]

for the “give me a character” meme! Eric, Adam, William, Mallick, Strahm, Rigg!!!!

YESS thank u!!!!

Eric:

How I feel about this character: That's my boy!!! <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Uuuu okay. Adam, obviously, but concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Art, Lawrence, William, & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Him & Rigg!!! That's his best friend!!! + he and Gibson in the Eric Lives AU!! (Gibson IS dating his best friend + recognizes that he's made the effort to change <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: You Understand This but the idea that he's irredeemable/deserved to die is complete and utter bullshit. This post that you made perfectly describes my feelings on that!!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: Firstly that he. Y'know. Didn't die. But I would have loved to see any of his interactions with Hoffman? Obviously they knew each other + I like to think they have since they were in academy together, so there's gotta be some sort of history there, y'know?? I feel like he definitely cared about Eric so I would've been very interested to see more regarding that relationship! + one more big one: I wish he knew/was at least made aware of the fact that Daniel was ALIVE and okay. It kills me thinking abt how this man died not knowing if his child made it out.

Adam:

How I feel about this character: I loooove him he deserved better. I relate pretty heavily to him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Hehe. Lawrence obviously!! Chainshipping is a HUGE comfort ship for me. BUT! Regarding the SAW polycule: Lawrence, Eric, William, Gibson, & Mallick!! + when concerning that alternative canon continuity we've been talking abt, Strahm. But only in that circumstance lol,,

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MANDY!!! In any AU where she's either not a disciple or abandoned her apprenticeship, I firmly believe that he and Amanda would be best friends. Mean gay/lesbian solidarity siblings who would fight tooth and nail for each other + who get each other on a level that not many others can. Pamela also!! Along w Mandy I like to think they talk about their experiences being trans a lot + just bitching w each other lol.

My unpopular opinion about this character: IDK how unpopular this actually is but I 100% believe that Adam would never become a disciple in any capacity, ESP not of his own accord. I genuinely think he'd rather die. That's just not something I can see him doing in any circumstance.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish someone had gotten him out of the bathroom :( And in an AU where he lives I hope someone tells him what a bastard Zep was!! No one made that dude hold a gun to Diana's head and listen to her heartbeat what the FUCK was that!!

William:

How I feel about this character: He's such a sweetheart I love him,, <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Lawrence & Adam <3 in the polycule though this includes Eric & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: He and Pamela obviously!! His sister is his best friend and they're there for each other 100%.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Much like Eric I don't think he deserved to die/that he's completely irredeemable... he fights so hard to save everyone and is utterly devastated when he can't. He's willing to hurt himself to save others (nearly dislocating his shoulders trying to keep both Addy and Allen, burning himself with the steam for Debbie, etc.) and it's like. John is always talking about how it can't be personal but it seems pretty fucking personal here!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: The fact that nobody saw how hard he fought for his coworkers + the sacrifices he made for them upsets me to no end. That was intentional. John didn't want Tara + Brent (or Pamela for that matter!) to see him as human and that fucking bothers me!! So basically I just wish that they could've seen it via camera like literally almost every trap victim gets in some capacity!!

Mallick:

How I feel about this character: Yet another character I relate to wayyy too much <33 I love him...

All the people I ship romantically with this character: BRIT!!! + concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Eric, William, & Lawrence!! (Art maybe too,,)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I like to think he and Laura would've gotten along actually? I feel like that would be a good, healthy friendship. And I do like the idea of he and Brit like this too!! Other than that maybe Mandy? I feel like they could relate to each other a little bit, help each other when they're feeling brainweird,, (Mallick n Mandy: havers of Symptoms Disorder <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Again I don't know if it's unpopular, persay, but uh. I don't think the Mallick we meet in V would willingly sit and listen to Bobby Dagen in 3D. He'd hate that dude. My take on it is that Brit didn't survive V (although I think read somewhere that the crew confirmed she survived?) and that's why he was there: because he'd lost the one true connection he'd made in god knows how long. That's rlly the only way I see him sitting thru Dagen's bullshit lmao.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wanted him to see Brit again,, and I just wanted to see him more in general tbh, esp because he makes a reappearance where so many prior Jigsaw survivors do not. I would've liked to see him interact with Simone given that they both lost a limb/nearly a limb (in Mallick's case). This is related to that, but I also wish the evidence of the 10 Pints trap wasn't just. A tiny scar? I HC that it took his whole hand, so.

Strahm:

How I feel about this character: Ohhh my beloved. Why didn't they give you a better narrative it would've been SO interesting. I love you though <3

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly? Still super fond of Gibson/Strahm in a scenario where things are different,, I've written quite a bit abt them and kinda want to again but if I do it'll probably be. Not for a while + VASTLY different. but recent additions have been Hoffman (I used to. not understand Stroffman whatsoever. now I Get It) and Adam!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: PEREZ!!! I've always thought of them as best friends since I first saw IV, and I do think he genuinely cared about her - quite a lot, actually, esp given how devastated he was when she was injured. They hang out at each other's apartments all the time + get coffee regularly. I love them.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't think he's a dumbass?? I don't know if that's unpopular. I think that he's IMPULSIVE and that it gets him into trouble, but Strahm has always struck me as incredibly intelligent + has a good moral compass for the most part?? I mean, he figured out there was a second apprentice (second as far as he knows, anyway) helping with traps just by examining Kerry's crime scene. I think he's VERY smart. He just acts quickly + sometimes that means there's not much planning for if things go south. (I DO agree that showing up to the packing plant w/out backup was dumb though,, doesn't mean he DESERVED the Water Cube but y'know)

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: It's not really mentioned if he does in canon, but I wish he'd been made aware of the fact that Perez was alive,, it bothers me that he might've died not knowing she was okay. The other thing is that I wish he'd survived V!!! I think it would've been WAY more narratively satisfying for him to kinda follow in Tapp's footsteps as a vigilante Jigsaw hunter. (That's why I love yr takes on him so much!!)

Rigg:

How I feel about this character: He has such a big heart. He cares so so much. I wish ppl talked about him more :(

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Gibson!!! And uhh Hoffman, but they're exes,, but! In a scenario I'm kind of going over in my head, maaaybe Adam... the basics though is that he searches the Nerve Gas House independently and somehow finds the Bathroom following II, and He is the one to rescue Adam. Very tentative abt that one though bc I'm still working it out lol. (Possibly Eric/Adam/Rigg???)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Eric!!! His best friend <3 I think he's also pretty close with Kerry, though I think he hangs out w her independent of Eric given,, the messy ex situation. I think he probably got along well with Fisk too!! OH and I think he and Sing would've been good friends as well. The chaos of a Rigg/Gibson/Sing friend trio...

My unpopular opinion about this character: Mmm I don't know that I have one? Other than maybe like. I understood why he went through the door. He knew Eric was on the other side; he just didn't know the circumstances or what would happen if he went through. All he knew was that he was that much closer to someone he's been trying to find/rescue for MONTHS + someone he cares for deeply. Of COURSE he went through. He breaks my heart ugh,,,

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish he hadn't even been tested!!!! His one flaw was that he cared about ppl and somehow John saw that as something he needed to fix!!! Like yes I do agree that it was eating away at him and the obsession might've been unhealthy, but that's two of his closest friends dude!! I don't think he deserved to be tested for that. I don't. He just wanted to help ppl and keep them safe. I absolutely despise how Rigg was treated dkjflkdf!!!!

[ancient-bruises-ancient-moon]

ok SO I got an anon I wasn’t gunna respond to but I'm enjoying a vegan chocolate banana cookie dough thc/cbd infused smoothie I invented so fuck it, let’s do this

this isn’t gunna be eloquent at all and I hope what im intending to say comes off correctly. may not, my brain is mush- but here we go!

so last night/technically this morning I reblogged a lot from this brilliant intersexism blog. (highly recommend giving a follow!) which led to...a bizarre ass anon this morning (I'll make another post linking to her blog so ya’ll can follow. she doesn’t need to deal w/ this post after everything else she deals w/ on here- unless u want to ofc!! hi ur cool! ANYWAY...)

I don’t remember the exact wording but it was something like “so ud rather have sex w intersex ppl over trans ppl??”

ummm. I literally never said shit about sex w/ intersex ppl?? like, ever.

was that supposed to be some huge “gotcha!!” ??

‘cause it didn’t work, at all.

1. my body is not a democracy

2. why r ya’ll obsessed w sex as validation

3. ur rly gunna ask me, essentially, if I'd rather be intimate w a deranged narcissistic reality denying manic OR a person with an intersex disorder...and u rly think I'm gunna be like OH NO I’D RATHER HAVE SEX W A MANIAC???

like...it’s rly not ab sex at all but did u RLY think that was gunna work in ur favor somehow?? and if u did, why did u think so? could it be bc u use intersex ppl as pawns for ur arguments but then don’t actually consider them ppl that can be in loving and intimate relationships? do u rly think this is activism? do you feel no shame?? you should be fucking embarrassed. this is so embarrassing for you. 

something ya’ll don’t realize: I worked at a center that offered therapeutic services, std testing, & peer activity groups for lgbtiapqbdsmnlmnop folxxxx

I know how ya’ll speak to your therapists, to your peers when you think no one is listening, I watch ya’ll take credit for things u did NOTHING for, I've watched your violence against anyone who disagrees with you (INCLUDING about tv show characters...like, come on..) Adult trans women using fake IDs to try to get into youth events...and then get MAD AT ME when I have to kick A WHOLE ASS HALF DRESSED MAN GRINDING ON THE FLOOR out of an event for CHILDREN... this is beyond just Tumblr. you’re also like this irl. and often, somehow, even fucking worse.

I had far less intersex clients BUT ya know who wasn’t throwing tantrums, being violent, trying to take credit for things they didn’t do, starting fights, sneaking into events to get near minors?? my intersex clients! NOT ONCE. AND  let’s be real...my intersex clients had good fucking reason to be furious and there were absolutely times that I would not have blamed them in the slightest for slapping tf out of someone...but they didn’t. not once. (ngl tho if they did I would have “not seen” what happened tbh bc I am a very responsible adult lmao- I can say this now bc I left the field so it matters not at all for my career)

ya know who would stay after hours, silently crying in rage bc of the shit trans clients said to them? my intersex clients (the big one was trans ppl telling them they’re lucky they get to ~~choose~~ their sex)

ya know who took the time to use open activist hour to build presentations to teach the LARGELY ENTIRELY INEPT staff (myself included, more below) about intersex issues so the people who come after them can get better help than they were able to receive?? I'll give you one guess. 

I left academia and working in the field w/ ppl bc of my experiences at this place & the direction this tender gender trender shit is taking academia. Intersex people deserve so much fucking better than even having to HEAR this bullshit. I would only go back into the field to work with women & intersex individuals. Probably as a volunteer though, but I digress

I worked there when all these new words were coming out too like demisexual android identified diaper baby or whatever the fuck lmao and the trans clients would be FURIOUS when anyone didn’t know wtf it meant

and in contrast our intersex clients were constantly explaining shit to staff/interns/volunteers about their conditions that they should never have had to explain TO THE PROFESSIONALS WHO WERE THERE TO HELP THEM. and I can’t even lie and pretend I fucking knew much, I didn’t. I was hired without even knowing i’d be working w intersex clients- I just needed to show I knew some trans buzzwords. but I put in the time to learn, I read every book any client recommended, any article they emailed me- but honestly that STILL ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I should NOT have been hired!!! MY BOSS should not have been hired!!! Actually, the only staff members that actually deserved their job was an gay intersex man. OT but he was so cool and smart and hilarious and like FUN ANGRY like idk how to explain that better lol he was good at getting u pumped up ab shit & good at getting ppl worked up enough to DO something. The only other staff member who actually cared and knew anything was a lesbian woman (of course) but she had recently had a baby and became so afraid for the welfare of her wife and daughter that she went along w trans shit that she KNEW was delusional and unhealthy bc we SAW these trans clients being violent on the Regular. we were legally obligated to call the cops several times. she wasn’t wrong to be afraid but I do think she should have tried to work elsewhere if she could no longer do her job with integrity but that’s a conversation for another day.

agh im just gunna end this post now bc I can rly go on and on but I'll leave the post with this question that I'd very much like an answer to:

how can we as activists be of better service to our intersex sisters? this issue is becoming more and more pressing and I can’t sit back and do nothing for them anymore. does anyone know of intersex only orgs that need volunteers or have suggestions?? PLS LET ME KNOW. I won’t go back to where I was but there’s GOTTA be SOMETHING I can do for the intersex community. let’s figure it out <3 this issue very seriously needs the attention of radical feminists tbh so...let’s do something.

[tiergan-vashir]

Hi. Just want to thank you for being open about your experiences. Seeing your posts is part of what made me think about whether I’m actually cis or not. Idk what to call myself because I never questioned myself until now, mostly because I’ve always been called a pretty girl (sorry that that sounds arrogant) and figured that’s what I should be. But recently I started thinking about things I did as a kid or even stories I wrote. And I realized that before I even I guess knew the pressures of (1/4)

Hey Anon! I’m going to put my response to you under a cut, because it’s quite long, but I hope it might help and be of some use to you on your journey with your gender.

I think the most useful thing a friend has ever told me when it came to gender is that “Cis people don’t really think about it.”  Cis women don’t typically sit and yearn or dream of being a different gender, wearing a different gender’s clothes with a different gender’s body. If you’re worrying or even considering that the gender you were assigned at birth might not be the gender you truly are - I think that’s something worthy of giving some space and putting some time into in order to explore and discover the different parts of yourself.

If you do all that exploration and internal reflection and decide in the end, that you really are cis after all - then at least you reaffirmed it for yourself and maybe learned some new things about yourself along the way that can lead to greater creativity and self-expression.  But if you realise you’re not cis, you can start walking down a path to even more self-acceptance and self-discovery.

When it comes to gender dysphoria and whether or not you may have it, I would say that sometimes people have set notions on what gender dysphoria is and completely miss that they’ve been experiencing it at all. There’s actually different types of gender dysphoria and different folks experience them in different ways (or not at all. For example, someone might feel physically dysphoric but not socially or vice versa).  I would also try to look out for instances of gender euphoria, which can also be a telling sign.

In my personal experience, I didn’t know being nonbinary was an even option until just a few years ago.  After that, I still doubted my gender, because when it came to dysphoria, literally all the stories I’d ever heard were ones where trans folks were so powerfully dysphoric that living life as their assigned birth gender was absolutely unbearable.

Because I’d never heard anything different, I thought that being in a constant, state of overwhelming suffering was mandatory part of the trans experience before you transition and that if you weren’t utterly miserable, depressed, or suicidal as a pre-transition trans person, it meant you were cis. Period. I had no idea at the time that dysphoria can actually come in different forms (social and physical) and can come in varying degrees of strength. 

This youtube video is the best way I’ve ever heard someone describe how I personally also have experienced gender dysphoria, which is as an ever present ‘hum’.  Background noise that is so constant that you start to not hear it anymore, because it’s always there. Being referred to by she/her pronouns didn’t really bug me (though that’s changed now if I can tell someone’s intentionally trying to misgender me). I don’t HATE my body. I just feel a little awkward about it and don’t really like looking at it all that much - but I thought that was kinda normal for anyone who wasn’t a super model.  I hated most women’s clothing for most of my life, but I just kinda thought I just didn’t like fashion. I could live as a woman if I had to, even if I sometimes found myself wishing and dreaming (both figuratively and literally) I was a tall handsome man instead.

Meanwhile, just like that video above also describes: gender euphoria was like a bell.  This bright, short-lived flash of happiness and joy.  Every time someone referred to me as he/his OOC, I felt this burst of happiness and excitement.  Every time I saw pictures online of androgynous people or women that could dress so masculinely people mistook them for men, I felt a joyful rush. (The Kpop singer Amber had me obsessed for weeks. I thought I had a crush on her, until I realised I straight up wished I could BE her, because so many people mistook her for a boy in a girl’s band.)

There were several times in the past where I low-key avoided telling people what my gender was IRL when I played as male characters in other games, because I wanted to spend just a little more time getting to enjoy people calling me by male pronouns OOC.  And when I was a young teenager RPing male characters, I straight up lied to my RP buddy and told them I was a boy, crafting this whole other persona of this tall, handsome male version of myself.  I liked being seen as a boy so much that I didn’t want to ruin the illusion of it.

Unfortunately, this backfired when this RP buddy and I became very close and they eventually wanted to visit me IRL.  I spent hours trying on my brother’s clothes, and then burst into tears, because my body was all wrong and I just could not pass as male at all.  It was the strongest gender dysphoria I’d ever felt in my life.

I feel like that should probably have been the moment I realised I wasn’t quite cis, but I didn’t even know what ‘transgender’ or ‘nonbinary’ was at that time. And even when I did learn it was a thing, living as a girl/woman wasn’t CONSTANT SUSTAINED SUFFERING to me, so the thought that I might not be cis didn’t even register.

It was instead the repeated, consistent bursts of gender euphoria over the years that eventually made me question myself and my gender.  Noticing again and again how much more ecstatic and joyful I felt when seeing people who were visibly genderqueer or when people referred to me by he/him pronouns or just thought I was a man, really hit home.

Unfortunately, people don’t really talk about gender euphoria very much at all when it comes to the trans experience, just about the suffering.  Even now, I still sometimes get hit with bursts of “but is it really enough? have I suffered enough to earn this label? Am I a ‘transtrender’?”  Sometimes the joy and happiness at being gendered correctly is also a really good sign.

The funny thing is, once I realised I wasn’t a cis woman, I was able to re-examine traditionally feminine things see how I felt about them.  Like I mentioned in another post, I used to HATE and feel frustrated by make-up. Now I love it and deeply enjoy it now that I feel like it’s about my own self-expression instead of me doing something because it’s what women are supposed to do.  I discovered I love long, elaborate earrings and want to wear those things regularly  While I generally prefer more androgynous clothing, there are a few very feminine pieces of clothing I really like (and some that make me so dysphoric I yeeted them into the trash).

On the flipside, I also found out I really, really fucking love suits and want to look and feel powerful in one. I want several masculine-cut vests, and ties as soon as I find ones I like that actually fit me. I love anything that minimizes the existence of my boobs and want to fine more masculine footwear (though that’s hard, because I have tiny feet).  I tossed most of my bras out and replaced them with bralettes.  And I love blending the masculine and feminine together.  I was ecstatic when a friend told me that I achieved Peak Gender Confusion Inducement with my new haircut. Seeing Billly Porter in his gown + tuxedo jacket combo made my heart fucking sing.

I feel really free and empowered to be more myself than I have in a long time. And I hope, if anything else, your exploration helps you find that in yourself too regardless of what your gender winds up being in the end.

Hope this helps! Sorry this was so long.

[cherryredblack]

Okay I promised I would post this but I kept forgetting

Here it is! My comparison of The Adventure Zone Amnesty characters and Homestuck characters (under a readmore cuz its really long lmao)!!

Duck Newton and Dave Strider-

forced into the role of a hero that they reject due to personal reasons (duck believing hes not really supposed to be the chosen and dave bc of his bros abuse and how he looked up to him as a “hero”)

also compare ducks “im just a regular dude” speech to daves “dave of guy” speech

also are heavily headcanoned as trans due to their stories seeming to be a metaphor for being trans (duck lives as a regular guy his whole life before realizing hes not a “regular” guy v daves problems with trying to live up to an impossible standard of masculinity set by his bro thats a #transthing)

honorable mention- cant lie for shit, sword

Indrid Cold and Karkat Vantas-

hide a very important part of themselves bc of fear of harm or death that would come as a result of it (mothman v mutant blood)

also have regrets that come from not being able to do anything in times of death even as they tried to stop it (point pleasant v gamzee vriska and eridan), leading them to be reclusive and only trust a few people or even nobody

honorable mention-red gay, obsession with a famous male celebrity (ryan gosling v troll will smith), alien, part insect

Aubrey Little and Rose Lalonde-

mothers death was a catalyst in powers coming to light

meets a girl and impresses her with magic (i dont have much for this sorry :pensive: )

Dani and Kanaya Maryam

meet girl with magic powers, fall in love

vampire

can pretend to be sensible but shes like >:3c inside (i also dont have much for this :thumbs_down:

ill do ships now because ned and boyds kinda go into that anyway and also neds is really complicated to write out lol

Indruck v Davekat: the story of a man who tried to save the world but failed and a man who didnt want to save the world but had to

Idk how indruck actually started out but i can imagine it was bc someone saw an interesting dynamic and ran with it

thats what happened with davekat too iirc!

it started as a crackship bc they didnt get along at first and were “fighting” over terezi

but then it got popular

and then they were friends, etc etc

Rosemary v Vampfire

one of the first actually canon relationships (rather than just crushes or flirting)

girl meets alien girl

human girl has magic??

source of magic also connected to alien girl (doc scratch v sylvain [possibly])

alien girl is also VAMPIRE lesbian alien girl

its cute and good and we need more

also theres a connection with aubrey and kanaya as well, to connect aubreys sylvan magic

important heirloom passed down from mother figure right before/after her death

heirloom is lost/destroyed

must find a way to recreate/find heirloom as a part of characters story

ok. now the complicated one. this will be messy and probably hard to understand but its coming from my head so it was gonna be anyway

Ned Chicane and Vriska Serket (also Boyd Mosche and Terezi Pyrope)

they both did nothing wrong ON PURPOSE

we’ll get into that

they both go on heists with a partner in crime (boyd v terezi)

causes harm to partner in some way (ned leaves boyd to get caught, vriska causes terezi to go blind)

partner gets their revenge later (boyd takes all of neds stuff, terezi literally stabs vriska in the back)

sees partner dead, causes them to go after villain (in vriskas case this happens before shes stabbed but a) time stuff, b) she lets it happen so terezi doesnt die)

thats all for ned and boyd, what about the rest? ok.

causes character to die/be hunted after (aradia v barclay) by their apparent counterpart (sollux v stern)

ned doesnt delete the video and agent stern comes to town v vriska is coerced into mindcontrolling sollux

BUT WAIT

ned didnt post the video

ned didnt show agent stern the video

vriska was still coerced by someone to second hand kill aradia

WHO DID IT??

kirby=doc scratch

kirby posts the video and shows it to stern in full (was it already cut down to erase barclay changing?? i dont remember)

doc scratch manipulates vriska into sending sollux to kill aradia

they both get blamed and get full responsibility pushed onto them for it evn though a) ned didnt know kirby did that and b) vriska was a child

THATS WHY NEITHER OF THEM DID ANYTHING WRONG ON PURPOSE. ITS NOT THEIR FAULTS BUT THEY STILL GET THE BLAME PUSHED ONTO THEM

also thacker=gamzee, billy=mayor, jake coolice=nobody because hes too wonderful to be compared to anyone in homestuck and also i love him, pigeon=nepeta (pete=equius?)

if you read all this ur a real one. yes i am an intellectual thank you.

[bearfeat42]

Another Tag Thingy!

I was tagged by @iamnightbreed and @lilytook. I will first answer nightbreed’s questions, then the one lily did, and then post my own.

Rules

✰ answer the questions given to you by the tagger

✰ write eleven questions of your own

✰ tag eleven people

1. Are you a fan of horror movies/fiction? I am not. I like to sleep at night and be sort of comfortable walking home alone. And also horror gives me random scares in the middle of the day and like during conversations and I get deeply depressed even thinking about that one time when I was 8 and saw the first It movie and just no. NO. I might have unfollowed some people on here because they were posting evil clown shit again. *crawls under a pillow and watches every feelgood movie ever*

2. If you could hear any metal band cover any classic rock song, which band would it be and which song? I really want to hear Ghost to I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner. Idk if Ghost is metal enough for this question, though xD

3. Do you/have you ever smoked marijuana? Yeah, and I kinda like it, but I am not a stoner. I am more into booze.

4. Did you have a pet as a child that you adored and still feel nostalgic about? I had a lil guinnee pig and she almost turned 10 which we did NOT know piggies could get. My sister had one too, but when they became old ladies they started to straight up eat each other alive, so my sister’s piggie went to live at my dad’s house and mine at my mom’s. I think they were both kinda mean and lonely, because my sis and I were teenagers and couldn’t be arsed to show our animals some attention at that time. In hind sight, they were adorable.

5. If you could relive the last 5 years, would you do anything differently? Gawd, so many things. I would have tried to be more outgoing on my semester abroad and make more international friends, and maybe make it a whole year abroad… I fucking miss Iceland. I would have tried harder not to sink into my huge depression after getting back and becoming a sort of an alcoholic, but maybe I needed that low point. I would not have started grad school before REALLY figuring out what I wanted.  I would have dyed my hair pink sooner. I would have discovered Ghost sooner! So. Many. Things.

6. What’s your worst fear that you know is irrational but just can’t shake (assuming you have one…)? That everybody hates me, but that’s just me being an anxious mess *ding*

7. If you had unlimited funds, what is the most selfish thing you would use them for? Right now I can’t think of anything better than have someone clean my house.

8. What’s your favorite way to relax after a stressful day? Have a glass of wine, some friends or a nice series, scroll endlessly through tumblr. Have I mentioned wine? Also I can recommend anyone to invest in a good vibrator.

9. What is the worst movie you’ve ever really enjoyed in spite of yourself? Twilight. Sue me.

10. Do you enjoy reading and if so what’s your favorite genre? I used to read all the things, but lately it just doesn’t seem to happen that much. So fan fiction, lol. But for real, I love historical novels and good, solid fantasy. Like, without the unnecessary sexist stuff.

11. What is the earliest band obsession you can remember having? Probably HIM. I am so happy I saw their memorial tour, but I am MORE happy that I saw them in 2017 and not  2007, because Ville Valo’s sexy ass was tripping balls. Ah, my sis and I had a swell time.

1. If you were to learn a new language, which one appeals to you and why? I speak a couple of languages, but my German and French have been appalling because I have been neglecting it like crazy. I feel like if I would really focus on these languages, I wouc be able to get fluent in like a year or two, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess I can’t be arsed. I would love to learn Swedish. It sounds so otherworldly to me. Maybe I shouldn’t try to learn it, in fear of it becoming ordinary to me.

2. What is your favourite thing you like about your hometown? That I left lol

3. Who are your top 3 favourite musicians (as in bands and/ or solo artists)? Ghost, Magna Carta Cartel, and lately I’ve been really into Fleetwood Mac.

4. Where in the world would you like to visit most? I would love to travel the trans-Siberian railroad. It crosses through Russia and Mongolia into China. As a huge history nerd I would be thrilled to take that trip. Also I will travel Scandinavia in a year or so. And I would love to visit Vietnam and Nepal.

5. Have you ever pulled a sickie to go to a concert or anything of that sort (comic con etc)? Yes XD. Ain’t nobody keeping me from my musics.

6. Do you have any siblings? If so, who is the eldest? A sister. Were twins.

7. What is your favourite beverage? Black coffee, darling! Anytime. To be honest, I had to learn to love it, but now I can’t live without it.

8. What would you do if you bumped into your celebrity crush/ squish? Well I might fucking bump into Martin in about three weeks, aren’t I? @lilytook squeeee I wouldn’t know what to do, would you?

9. If your life was turned into a movie, what genre would you like it to be and who would you pick to play you? I would like it to be like a very slow arthouse movie. One that could give you squishy feels but also I-wanna-die-this-is-so-sad feels. Who could play me? Bruh idk. I would have picked Lena Dunham judged on season one of Girls but BOI DID LENA DUNHAM GET DUMB AND ANNoying. You know what? Danielle Brooks. I would want Danielle Brooks to play me. People might actually think I was cool buwhhahah

10. Do you have any interesting party tricks you can do? I can drink more than you, is that a party trick?

11. If an intelligent alien species were to come to Earth, and the world leaders chose you to be our representative, what would you say to them? “Don’t go any further. It’s not worth it.”

Now my 11 questions! To answer these, I tag @arch-angel @crystal8325 @paganlatte @tekni @ghoul-thirst @autumnalmistress @mercyfulkate  @h3rblkw1ngs @hoodedfigure-no99 and @ethne-dragon

1. Name three things you like about yourself and one thing you would change.

2. Have you ever dyed your hair? Would you like to?

3. Which musical instrument would you like to play?

4. What was the best year of your life?

5. Do you value romantic relationships or platonic relationships more?

6. Do you drive a car, and do you care which care you drive?

7. What is your favorite thing to cook?

8. Do you move around a lot or have you always stayed in the same place?

9. Wouldn’t you agree it’d be just great to live as a cat for the rest of your life?

10. Do you still like being on tumblr?

11. How do you think you’ll grow this year?

[shiny-craboo-blog]

@rockformed​ replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it. 

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

[indi-flying-with-dragons]

(Get ready!) 1. Any scars? 4. Kissed anyone? 5. Coke or Pepsi? 6. Someone you hate? 7. Best friends? 8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? 9. What’s your dream job? 13. Height? 18. Obsession? 19. If you had one wish, what would it be? 21. Kiss or hug? 22. Nicknames people call you? 23. Favorite song? 24. Favorite band? 26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? 27. Something you would change about yourself? 30. Watch the movie or read the book? 32. Favorite show?

[Continued]

(Same anon continued!) 35. Do you wish you could ever start over? 36. Any bad habits? 37. Ever had a near death experience? 38. Someone you can tell anything to? 41. Someone you hate/dislike? 42. Are you okay?

WOW… you’re certainly a…. enthusiastic anon eh? e.o *mind boggled* Let me… let me reply to all these. As brief as possible. E^E….Geesh. 24 different questions. Damn… My apologies to everyone. This is gonna be a LONG POST. e.o

Btw THANKS FOR ASKING :D *GLOMPAGES* X3 *hug-SQUISH*

Long post below! O.e

1. Any scars?

Um, I have two on my head, right behind my ears at different heights from my two different cochlear implant surgeries to install the internal parts into my head so the external processors will work. When my hair is short it looks like someone purposefully buzzed a line through my hair there, lol, but it’s natural from the surgery when I was 7 and 11 years old respectively.

And since I heal very well, my scars are real hard to see. I still have a faint one on my thumb, at the base of the last joint to the front of it, and one along the left side of my middle finger (both fingers on my right hand) that is still rough and keeps peeling a lot even now, years after the event.

Those I got from a random-ass exploding lightbulb that I was screwing in, had MADE SURE the lamp was off both at the wall and at the lamp itself (though I didn’t unplug it because I didn’t think I needed to…), but nope I had screwed it in one too many times, saw a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT, and then it exploded, glass everywhere, and somehow only got hit on my index finger, middle finger, and thumb. ONLY there! Even to this day my engineer mother is completely baffled as to how that happened.

4. Kissed anyone?

Yes. My first ever kiss[es] was with an enthusiastic sloppy and awkward boy during a yearly dance when I was in highschool (I was unschooling and going to the Voyagers Homeschooling Co-op and they hosted yearly dances). Five French kisses are not my idea of a good first kiss ever!

My second ever person to kiss was … well. *blush and funny deadpan with crossed arms* He knows who he is. Since apparently I keep totally forgetting it somehow until he mentions it in a teasing fashion and yes we did date for a short while there before breaking up and remaining friends.

My third and remainder of kisses are thoroughly claimed by my handsome, hot boyfriend. -w-

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Coke. ALL. THE. WAY.

Blame my awesome grandmother (R.I.P.) who had 4 pm be coca cola time every day. :D She got me on coke early. …NOT COCAINE! Yeesh. Dirty minds. She also introduced me to my love of dragons and she was awesomely supportive and adoring of my artwork. :3 Since she was hard of hearing from old age and I was born hard of hearing, we got along well with having the TV on a comfortable loudness (for us). x3

…Damn just thinking about coca cola makes me think of her. :,) I even drank a whole 1 liter glass bottle of coke we got at a Mexican food store nearby for her funeral fiesta since she wanted a party for a funeral, not a sad dirge. :3 https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ea/51/da/ea51da750fc136a655021c558b7c28c5.jpg Yes this one. XD I drank it all in under an hour in her honor and memory. I was so thirsty and so proud. XD I still have the empty bottle. x3

6. Someone you hate?

IDK… Hmm… I’m not one to really hate people. It’s such a strong emotion… I always thought of it as a “I want you to instantly die, right here and right now!” kind of emotion. So I don’t really hate people.

…I DO know of someone I would… honestly NOT be sad if she died. Considering she caused a hellava LOT of suffering and torment for my friend. I’d be sad because my friend would be sad, BUT I wouldn’t be sad because I actually missed her or regretted her death in any way.

7. Best friends?

Oh gosh. :3 Off the top of my head @destan-of-the-shadows and @faes-hiding-place :D my boyfriend counts too! Two RL friends I can meet with at times are more friends than “best” friends but I still count them as my friends because we’ve been friends since like 5th or 6th Grade in Middle School when we were all like 11 or 12 years old. :D I’m 22 now so see how long we’ve been friends. :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

NO drugs! The only thing that counts as alcohol is that couple sips of champagne at my cousin’s wedding when the servers mistakenly forgot to give us kids sparkling apple cider instead of champagne. Oops. XD We of course took great advantage of sipping as much as we could before they removed it. ;D It tasted HORRIBLE though. X_X What’s the appeal? IDK!

I drank some sips of other people’s drinks when I turned 21 but I absolutely HATE and CANNOT STAND the horribly bitter taste of alcohol (even in the sweetest mixed drinks it is strong and proud there when nobody else can taste it). Even if it’s burned off when used in a cheese fondue, that HORRIBLE bitterness remains. Bitter like the rotting corpse of a dying animal.

No thank you. I don’t ever want to drink again. X_X

9. What’s your dream job?

…. :,,,( I’ve not thought about this in ages… since I had to give up a lot of my “dream jobs” and “dream life” in order to make peace with the chronically ill life I have now. The grieving process was hard.

Goodbye my aspirations of being a geneticist, a psychologist, or even a therapist. Hello my life goals of being a professional artist and published author. :3

13. Height? 

5'10". 5 feet, 10 inches. -w- … I really wish I was taller than my dad though. *grumble* He’s 6 feet. At least I’m an inch taller than my MOM. -^-

18. Obsession? 

Oh dear. Which one? XD Take your pick. ;D I have: dragons, wings, flight, flying, cats/felines, biology, psychology, discussing the universe, astrology, culture, world-building, magic, art (as in drawing and coloring), writing, daydreaming, reading, listening to music, and cuddling with my boyfriend in a literal Netflix and chill. -w-

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

…. *blinks and sighs* … It’d either be to be healthy again so I wouldn’t have this chronic illness (but would still keep my being deaf and hard of hearing because I LIKE THAT PART)… or to go back home, to my home world where my soul came from.

Yeah. XP

21. Kiss or hug? 

Hug. :3 Preferably cuddle. :D  

22. Nicknames people call you?

Indi-bindy-bo (You know who you are

23. Favorite song?

OH GEEZE. Hard to answer! XD … My favorite song of ALL time that I will ALWAYS love, have always loved, and might as well be my theme song for the sake of it? xD “Can’t Take Me (I’m Free!)” by Bryon Adams, from the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron movie. xD

24. Favorite band?

My favorite singer is Michael Jackson. :3 He’s the only one I really know a lot about. All other bands and singers I just like some of their songs but know nothing about them as people, not even what they LOOK like a lot of times. -////- I prefer to respect their privacy. :)

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

Oh… Oh GOSH. IDK… XD … :3 Meeting my boyfriend, @destan-of-the-shadows and @faes-hiding-place :3

27. Something you would change about yourself?

See my wish above. -.- I’d LOVE to change that chronic illness of myself. … If I can’t then my persistent anxiety, or to somehow grow wings (like this third would be more likely than the other two? XD Hell, I can still ask! XD)

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

I’d rather read the book. :3 Unless the book is so horrible, that I wanna see why people think it’s so horrible, then I watch the movie because they usually try to tone things like that down. If the movie is horrible in many of the ways that I’ve heard criticism of the book itself… then I know never to touch that book. E^E 

32. Favorite show? 

Of all time? Avatar: The Last Airbender, Gargoyles, and Seconds from Disaster. >:D

Right now? XD Air Disasters. -w-

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Start what over? This life? Blegh. Don’t make me go through puberty TWICE!

… *looks at the side effects of taking testosterone HRT* Oh wait, I’m already doing that! -p-

… Make that don’t make me go through it a THIRD time. xD Even if that means I’d be able to be in a male body from day one, as opposed to having to be trans. XP

36. Any bad habits?

Which one do you wanna know? -x- Anxiety, hyper-focusing on a thing in my mind and then having the mind get stuck and not concentrate on anything else until I yank it off that… Staying quiet about things that affect me because I don’t want to hurt others or be a burden? Often opting to be quiet instead of confronting things that could make the relationship better in the long run? Being intensely private? Judging the strength of my relationships based on how much of my inner self I truly share? Doing subtle tests as I get to know someone to see which subject is “safe” to talk about and which I should just shut up about without them ever knowing? Over-thinking things a ton? Apparently my not needing to talk to others for a while is a weird-ass thing? … I can go on. -x-

Oh wait, were you asking about like little quirks like twirling hair or picking at the skin kinda bad habits? My apologies. -x-;;

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes. Waking up to being strangled by a spirit counts as that.

No, I’ve had an occasion of sleep paralysis before. I know what that feels like. You can’t move anything.

This was where I CAN move. I could move my hands and arms and everything else. It’s just something invisible and mostly intangible was strangling the life out my throat. Not from the inside choking, because I know what that feels like too. (My Life…) but from the outside suffocation and pressure and constriction on the outside of my neck.

Being strangled to near death in my spirit form by another spirit meant my physical body could feel that too, panicked the FUCK OUT at the feel of almost dying, and I literally felt my awareness fading away into a black nothingness with the faint but faltering heartbeats starting to skip and take longer and longer between each beat. Gasping and choking and then going still…

Thankfully helpful spirits got the negative one off and thoroughly destroyed it. They could heal my spirit form and with that healed, my body was able to come back too.

Never want to do that EVER. AGAIN. *shuddering* Those spirit attacks over the course of those three years were HELL on Earth. *holds self tight* 

38. Someone you can tell anything to?

My boyfriend. I’m still working on being more honest with my two close friends @destan-of-the-shadows and @faes-hiding-place but I’ve made a lot of progress over the years thankfully. :3

41. Someone you hate/dislike?

Try that woman I mentioned far above that I hate.

As for actively dislike? Trumperdink. Bigoted assholes. TRUSCUM, TERFS, SWERFS, rapists, rape-apologists, racists, ableist assholes, murderers, serial killers, homophobes, aphobes, transphobes, and all the rest of that shit. I really dislike and don’t trust the police force in this country. And the vast majority of politicians too.

My country is a dystopian nightmare the tyrannical capitalist US of A. x.= Save me.

42. Are you okay?

Umm…Today was a bit hellish. I survived though. *grins a bit too widely and eyetwtiches* My life is just…………. very…… VERY………. interesting. *twitch*

… I still stand by my previous opinion of laughing my ass off at the utter ridiculousness of how people try to portray those “superhero teenagers” as somehow balancing a “regular life” with “crime fighting on the side with a secret identity” and somehow NOT having the crime fighting life interfere with their regular life outside of those “special two episodes.”

Yeah the fuck right.

Obviously written by those who have NO idea what balancing two different lives are like. X_X In my case it’s nothing so noble as a superhero identity, but it’s the difference of my spirit life and physical life.

And above, in my near-death-experiences… you saw just ONE of the many manifestations of that clash. -x- …Not. ….Fun.

I high-key DO NOT RECOMMEND. -x-

Most days these days (since the spirit attacks ended WHOOT WHOOT!) I can have a normal calm life. Then SOMETHING comes up and I’m like “what the shit-fuck is my entire existence right now??”

Yeah. -x-

… Can I have a hug? ;;;n;;;