#idk what the specific rules for it are but ive noticed it and now im curious

[the-bearer-of-bad-ideas]

are annoyance nicknames a thing in any other languages

like pretend you have a kid named preesha

if youre annoyed at her youd call her preeshe

is that a thing anywhere else

[delulluart]

could you post some work in progress stages of you're drawings and paintings? i am trying to improve my art and i like you're style but i don't really know how to get there. and many tutorials are for digital art only or there very anime style so it dos not very help in what i want to draw :(

but only if it is not to much work of course!

have a good day :-)

thank you, anon!

starting is really tough, i get you, and yes, i finding the tutorial for a style that you want to work in is often a struggle, but often you can apply the general rules to any style!

the most important thing is to not stop drawing! just keep going, a little bit every day/every few days and you WILL see the improvement! its super frustrating when you dont get the results you want immediately, i know that - ive been doing this for so many years now and i still produce pics that i dont like, where im disappointed in myself. but you cant let this drag you down too much, because everytime you fuck something up you learn something, too! you know then that this thing doesnt work - in a way failures are actually way more helpful. (still sucks a lot...)

as for wips: i found a few photos i took of two recent paintings; i dont know if it will help you, though. generally i just do some outlines roughly, then clean them up and then just...fill it either with paints or pencil. i dont do the whole grid method or assisting lines thing or something like that. before i start the proper drawing i often make a small quick sketch to know where everything has to go (see: first pic; youll notice its mirrored - i decided to change the entire orientation last second; i kinda wish i kept it, but its too late now) and then i just...idk? put it on the paper in a way that would make every art teacher cringe in pain (i know that, because it happened multiple times).

as for water colours its the basic rules: start with the bright parts and then go darker; make sure to use good paper, let the stuff dry before going for a new layer etc. add fine details/highlights at the end,

(hello no-hair-papa-anons, have some food here)

if you have any specific questions dont hesitate to ask, ill try to help! if you can afford it i recommend going to a proper class of an artist in your area, that can be lots of fun and really helpful. in 1st grade i was for a few weeks in a free weekly thing of a local artist and she introduced me to oil paints and taught me to just let GO sometimes of the perfectionism and the control of paints (yes, even tiny 5-6 year old me was already a control freak). the things she taught me are still with me.

[halfusek]

Imma be honest with you, before BATDR came out, you literally held this fandom together with bandaids and stick glue. 2019-2022 was basically the dry age of Bendy content

haha thanks i tried my best

i Do enjoy being in a fandom, i've always looked up to the danny phantom phandom a lot cause the vibes there are just fantastic, there's a lot of things going on, people have many interactions with each other, so i wanted to try to introduce that to the batim fandom and i'd like to think that i sorta did

i know that it is a popular opinion to not engage with a large portion of the fandom but instead just grab a few friends and sit in a corner with them but like

engaging with a bigger portion of the fandom every now and then can be SO fun and give people an opportunity to meet other people and idk

fandoms are communities of people just united by liking A Thing so it can be challenging to make a space for many people to get along but i dont recall any super serious only fandom related dramas in batim?? weirdos are in every fandom and you just blast their asses into oblivion with a block button

and there have been cases when i felt kinda bad for blocking someone because that meant i'd exclude them from something i wanted to think of as a fandom-wide event for everyone who would obey it's rules but that's where this outlook on curating your experience into a smaller circle is very much the way to go lol

wait what am i talking about

aha yea 2019-2022 everything fucking DIED here but i was having a blast drawing my comic and also a lot of people who were into the sides of batim i was into mainly (the human characters) stayed around more than everyone else and it was really chill, i've met a lot of people and made many friendships :)

as the fandom was getting smaller there was a noticable drop in the amount of notes batim related posts were getting which is a very big symptom of a fandom dying but i think at some point it sorta stabilized who stayed there after batdr was delayed and delayed

i reblog and tag more than an usual tumblr user (when im active cuz sometimes i can not reblog anything for months because im busy lol) and that didnt start without a reason, it sure is a habit now and i really enjoy doing it, letting people know what i think about their stuff and putting nice things on display for others to see

reblogs are not just crucial for singular artists but also for fandoms as a whole, thats how you keep that train rollin

though here is a sad thing that many many artists dont reblog a lot, or reblog to their sideblogs that arent followed by nearly as many people as their main blogs

and thats like understandable, im the weirdo who puts a whole mess of many posts on my main but i think thats also the most effective way to help other people get traction and i never see this mentioned when people complain that tumblr users dont reblog as much stuff as they like

its even kinda funny to me when people complain about their stuff not getting reblogged when they dont reblog others stuff themselves at all xD though there is a bit of cyanide in that thought heheh

on the other hand reblogging doesnt work on stuff that i could see from other people: the stuff i reblog i get from browsing the bendy and the ink machine tag sorted by new + sometimes when i bored i scroll through my dash and reblog some random things but i follow 2k people so i dont really see any individuals art specifically, just a collection of random posts that i am able to scroll through in a few minutes (and every minute theres a bunch of new posts posted/reblogged by those i follow)

and that can take a long time! if ive been busy for months then scrolling through a few months worth of stuff people around the world made for bendy is so bad even on a beefy computer that it just pushes tumblr to its limits and takes HOURS to reblog and tag for me, and then i might even hit the daily post limit and have to continue tomorrow

but i enjoy doing this, bendy is my fixation after all and i fucking love art and what people can create for this thing that i like i soooooo desire to see it all

and i try to reblog as much as possible, though i dont obviously reblog *everything* from the tag, sometimes i just give a like or i just dont like the thing cuz its not in my liking and thats it

but i did make it a thing that during ink demonth i reblog all entries for the event no matter what my opinion of them is just to give some of that Exposure TM because hey maybe some of my followers Will like it

i dont run a super duper popular blog but there is a bunch of yall there and i think me reblogging something in this fandom at least may give a litol boost to the notes on a post

and its always fun to see peoples reactions that dont expect me to reblog from them but then i do and they freak out a little, i think i love it on the same level as getting comments on my own art :) its super wholesome

man by writing this post im procrastinating on something but fdnjkfdfd

but anyway thank you!! and im glad you think so because i did try to accomplish that :D

[beanst0ck]

ok but HAJSGWIEH I've been thinking bout this and is just so cute I need to see a hc of this do u know that tiktok trend, like there is a song playing and you need to kiss your partner in the sound kisses of the song (the audio name is "by the sea" if u want to check out) can I have hcs for kenma, bokuto and tsukki with their s/o randomly dragging them to a place on his room and doing this trend?? it's so soft I just need it pls 😔💖

sorry this took so long anon!! ive actually never heard of this trend, but my friend (@shou-kunn) sent me the tiktok and i combusted

THATS JUST SO ADORABLE :’))

kenma’s might be a little longer because,,, favoritism?

parings: kenma x reader, bokuto x reader, tsukishima x reader

cross posted on my wattpad

Kenma Kozume

it had been awhile since kenma started playing his games and everyone knew when he started would not stop for anything

but,, you were currently bored out of your mind and wanted his attention :(

each time you asked him when he’d take a break he’d always respond with the same thing

“im almost done.”

“just a few more minutes.”

normally you wouldn’t really care and let him do his own thing, but his eyes had been glued to his screen for a couple of hours now and you were beginning to grow concerned for his eyesight

like seriously,, this dude is staring at a screen 24/7 how is he not blind yet?? he doesn’t even use glasses?? contacts??

while scrolling through tiktok you begin to think of ways to distract kenma from his games

it was almost impossible to pull his attention away from them, nothing could do it except,, you!

well, specifically your affection

babey boy is secretly touch starved and will never ask you to give him hugs or kisses

but he desperately craves them,, he’s just too shy to initiate them himself :((

so whenever you decide to show him some love, he does not deny you because he loves it when you show him affection

you suddenly remember a tiktok your friend sent you and a literal light bulb goes off

you hop off kenma’s bed and kenma eyes you wearily as you walk over to him

“(y/n) what are you?..“

he watches as you set up your phone so you’re both in the camera’s view

“don’t mind me, keep doing what you were doing before!”

kenma reluctantly agrees and goes back to staring at his screen

but he knew you were up to something, especially with that cute smirk on your face, so he didn’t start a new game

he heard an audio begin to play and didn’t pay much attention to it

that is until he felt your soft lips touch his cheek

now THAT made him look away from his screen and over to you

he kept his head down, hoping his hair would cover the blush on his cheeks so you wouldn’t see

he didn’t even hear the audio, he was just secretly hoping you’d kiss him again because he wanted to feel your lips,, again

suddenly you were peppering his face in kisses again and his face was on fire

he couldn’t even speak proper sentences, all of his words coming out as a gibberish mess

all he could do was shyly pull you onto his lap and bury his face in the crook of your neck

“kenmaa, i needed to give you one final kiss :((“

he looked up so fast hAHAHhah

you had to hold back a little giggle bc you didn’t wanna make him turn even more did

ok yea no nvm we all wanna see kenma with a blushy face so, you couldn’t hold back and let out a small giggle

the pout that formed on his face, aDORABLE

“(y/nn)..”

oops right you’re supposed to kiss him

you gently grab his face and give him a final peck on the lips

after that he put his games down and just snuggled with you :’))

Kōtarō Bokuto

the gym was set to be at a cold temperature, keeping the players nice and cool while they practiced

you on the other hand, were beginning to slightly freeze up because you weren’t moving around

you had decided to be a nice girlfriend and wait for bokuto to finish up his practice he totally didn’t drag you there to show off his powerful spikes

but you stuck around because each time bokuto hit one of akaashi’s sets perfectly he would turn back and look at you

“DID YOU SEE THAT (Y/N)!!”

if you didn’t see he’ll get all pouty and go into one of his emo moods so please look at him :((

unless you’re recording,, then he won’t mind lmao

BUT you gotta make sure you get him perfectly, all angles!!

let’s not forget to record that cake tho-

OK OK BACK TO THE PLOT—

as amazing as it was getting to see bokuto’s amazing spikes, it was beginning to get late

and our poor bby akaashi was beginning to grow tired :((

he told bokuto he was going to go home now, which resulted in a pouty bokuto

and no one wants to see bokuto sad :(( so you suggested something you knew he would not say no to!

“bokuto! let’s do a tiktok!!”

his mood improved immediately lMAOALSM

he ran over to you and was literally bouncing with joy

“really?! which one!!”

you told him he probably didn’t know it and he went ‘🤨?’

because this boy knows about a lot of tiktoks not rlly just the popular ones like the renegade dances and stuff,, idk why i think he’s on straight tiktok?? well not straight STRAIGHT tiktok but like he knows a lot of dances

so you explain to him the rules,, which is really quite simple

“stand over here in front of the camera,, and stay still”

ok so like now he’s really confused

when you push play and the audio starts playing you can tell by the look on his face that he’s never heard this audio before

before he could ask you what’s the tiktok about you give him a lil smooch

and then you give him another one

and then another one

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY!! 🥺

he puts his hands on your hips and brings you closer as you continue to give him more kisses

once the tiktok is over he’s all happy and blushy

“is that what the tiktok is about?”

“yup :)”

“lets do it again!!”

now it’s his turn to give you kisses >:)

be prepared because this boy is about to shower you with a whole lot of kisses everywhere

and i mean e v e r y w h e r e

Kei Tsukishima

after school ended you and tsukishima began to walk home, but before you parted ways he invited you over to his house

while asking though he would not look at you like at all

“tsukki, are you blushing??”

“shut up, im not”

he totally was lmao

once you arrived he tried at all costs to avoid his brother, but akiteru was just unavoidable

apparently akiteru didn’t know you were his girlfriend because the look on his face when he saw you

“you brought home a girl?! are you his girlfriend?!”

he was so happy to see someone else other than yamaguchi tolerate tsukishima’s shit

but tsukishima dragged you away from his brother so quick,, you didn’t even get the chance to introduce yourself

you guys entered his room silently and he set down his things on his desk, telling you to make yourself comfortable

similar to kenma, once tsukishima is focused on something it’s difficult to take his attention away from it

and right now, tsukishima was focused on doing his homework

we love a studious boi uwu

ok but anyways

you on the other hand, were not studying for whatever reason

in fact you weren’t really doing anything at all

instead you were just relaxing on his bed, minding your own business because you knew not to disturb him when he was busy

but,, you were beginning to get bored of doing nothing

and you wanted affection from your salty dinosaur,,

finally thinking up of an excuse to use to steal a kiss you hop off his bed and walk over to him

he didn’t even notice you setting up the camera or beginning to record him because he was blasting his music loudly

but he did notice when your lips made contact with his cheek

he stopped writing and looked over to you to ask what you needed, then he noticed the camera and scoffed

while it might’ve looked like he wasn’t enjoying your kisses,, it was taking everything in his power to not give you a lil smile

besides,, the blush on his cheeks were enough to tell you what you needed to know :)

once the audio stopped he turned in his chair and pulled you closer to him, giving you one of his well known smirks

“if you wanted a kiss you could’ve just said so”

“shut up”

haikyuu mlist

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

athenas or the new ign videos... hmmm

im gonna go for the ign videos (moze gameplay and sanctuary-iii, no guns yet, i have a reason for that) because athenas hasn’t gotten its sweet instagram video yet. once that’s released i’ll do a full post on it. by the time i got around to finishing this post, they had released the video. oh boy... gonna do the gun post then the athenas post, i think. alright, off we go.

tl;dr: we read the entire end user agreement DAHL thrusts upon us for using the ECHO device, talk about some stuff like how (spoilers) it seems like Lilith will be getting her powers back at the end of the game, and a voice line Lily says that sounds like “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like Tannis said: [inaudible] Siren” (altho im not 100% sure on the [inaudible] part because 1) it sounds weird and 2) there’s a drum beat and also the devs are talking over her, the Siren part seems fairly accurate because of the way her mouth moves). so you know. im gonna be agonizing over that until i can hear what she says. ive already spent an hour just repeating it over and over. i nearly fell asleep lol

we’re gonna start with the moze gameplay (the first 14 minutes of bl3) because chronologically it’s first in both timeline and release date

i love the license plates on the right there

also it looks like they added in claptrap’s old welcome sign from windshear waste! time to stand in front of it for 30 minutes to see if any messages pop up like bl2

fast travel station as well, definitely going to see if/where i can teleport and going there immediately. i imagine this is more for DLC stuff and grinding tho.

also! i do believe we saw Covenant Pass previously. good to know this is actually where it is!

Marcus saying “And Welcome to Pandora!” in the beginning confirms that, yes, they’re going to be on a bus!! i wonder if there will be a fight scene before that though. it’s interesting Clappy mentions that “those jerks who tried to murder you are the children of the vault!” so i mean... there’s gotta be... right?

im also convinced this intro is going to be a mirror of Borderlands 1. i stg if it starts out with the first few notes of Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked and then swaps songs I’m going to lose my mind

also also, the order is totally going to mimic the bl1 one. Fl4k = Mordecai, Amara = Lilith, Moze = Roland, Zane = Brick. We even have Lilith taking Angel’s spot as the mysterious voice in our heads, and probably Marcus driving, AND being dropped off at a bus stop.

bet the reason they changed it from ‘Moze as the Bot Jock’ to ‘Moze as the Gunner’ is because it fits under ‘Roland as the Soldier’ better. Also, ‘Zane Flynt as Himselfs’ would be a play off ‘Brick as Himself’. Amara as the Siren is obvious, and ‘Mordecai as the Hunter’ vs ‘Fl4k as the Beastmaster’ is pretty similar as well, given Fl4k has all those Hunter skills.

the 4 basic emotes im guessing. im so glad we have the option to boop our friends in the face with emotes.

also moze’s little bunny skin is adorable

the ECHOnet used to be called “Riftspace”, “the Spline”, and... “MercTel: A Cyber-Dahl Joint” lmfao

specifically calls out Pandora. also, “artificial megastructures”??? THAT’S SO COOL

AND FUCKING

SENTIENT MEGASTRUCTURES???? 

gearbox. please. i have never ever wanted anything more in my life. please. it’s probably my birthday. PLEASE GEARBOX

also interesting that the user agreement specifically notes ‘Respawns’. I assume this is a joke because New-U stations have been confirmed not canon

“Core law”. Core law? Core... daddy? ... ????

core as in like a core government somewhere that’s not the border worlds? that’s interesting...

“The Legion”, okay, acknowledging TPS, that’s dope

“Project Blackrakk” ... im interested

“Thresher Company” lmao

im curious if Axton was apart of any of the mentioned ones. i don’t think it’s been stated, but i could be wrong

“Chieftain Oort”. also ‘Recently Legless Gary’, lmfao poor dude.

oh yeah im sure this is fine. also holy shit did they google the synonyms for ‘change’ and just start listing them? lmfao

“implicit subscription to the Digby Vermouth ‘Dig’s Gigs’ secret concert subscription service” 

sorry, what?

if this doesn’t come up again in the future- if we don’t get a spam letter or 3 in our mailbox about this concert subscription thing i'm gonna be so disappointed

Dahl hates you if you’re not a fan of hyper-jazz, “you snob” lmfao

my brain hurts, they’re good at writing these 

damn phones exist? i thought everything was ECHO. aight, that’s good to know. i guess there just aren’t any phone networks around the border worlds

also “shared dreamspaces” sound really cool

hm. that’s no good lmfao. also i love that the buttons are ‘Agree’ and ‘OK’. there is no escape, once you agree, you can’t even leave because you’re agreeing that you’re trapped with these rules even if you cancel.

that’s fucked up, DAHL. can’t believe you treat your user base the same way you treat your employees. i guess i shouldn’t be surprised.

anyway, shoutout to literally the only TOA I’ve ever fully read in my life.

also, clicking through this TOA too fast WILL end claptrap’s voice line early. so be careful if you want to hear what he has to say!!

oh shit lmao I gotta go edit that Fl4k post

ok im back ~time magic of being able to save things in drafts and post them at a later date~

sliding preserves momentum, so you can actually slide (nearly) the entire way down! i love this.

small, but claptrap bends his antennae when trying to be stealthy. i thought that was a pretty cool detail

“and some guns include an alternate shooting mode~! try it out!”

player: `immediately shoots claptrap in the face`

i died lol

a very nice look at this sign.

good to know that the twins really are tempting people to join with promises of food. i mean it makes sense, i imagine most of the cultists are desperate for stability and a reasonable life on pandora.

also, Shiv calls himself “holy influencer of the children of the vault” lol. i love that. gearbox really is going for the internet’s throat, isn’t it?

i do like that hovering over an NPC will give you their name only and not name/healthbar.

a better look at one of the signs referencing the Mother!!! i was waiting for this, the only real look we got at one was in that one scene with Moze and IB

“Behold the Mother strength surrender to the truth” 

yeah that’s not ominous...

i assume the mother and father are intended to be tyreen and troy? but idk how i feel about that implication...

i like the new little gear/spring effect for the magnet lol

new lilith! i know a lot of people don’t like it, but i do. she looks better than the bl2 vers. altho i think it’s weird they swapped both bl1 and bl2′s ‘AI’ effect to those dots and then didn’t bring it to BL3. the dots effect felt cleaner. curious why they’re not applying it to bl3 when they went thru all that effort in 1 and 2.

... back up please.

i like that there is a changing icon for long pressing now

“time to check out our slay of the day!” sounds like Tyreen but tbh i legit thought this was moze’s reaction to opening the chest at first lol 

you can hear someone start screaming in agony while she’s walking up the stairs, so i know it’s not moze, but im so used to the VHs talking when they see a new piece of loot my brain just assumed.

also THE MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND IS A REMIX OF BANDIT SLAUGHTER!!! IM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS I WAS FREAKING OUT THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT

also, claptrap when dropping health yells “this could save your life! then, you’ll owe me a life debt!” bullshit im pretty sure you already decided we owed you a life debt the moment we stepped off that bus

“i see it... the great vault” - a line from a cultist you kill

i know i mentioned in this post that the Great Vault may be already opened, but it could also just be a Vault they’re planning on opening and using the propaganda to convince the cultists to help them find it. 

“if you help us get this vault open, you’ll be handsomely rewarded! you’ll get superpowers! you’ll get regular meals! you’ll get money and guns and dates!” you know, the usual stuff. 

either way, elevating the Vault to a higher state (god/heaven/whatever) makes sense if you’re running a cult.

btw there is a hidden chest in the scaffolding to the left of the door, if you’re interested in grabbing some better guns before shiv. personally, i’ll be using the toy guns.

also the TVs are actually playing propaganda now!!

this one is asking questions that i cant understand due to the sound effects of the chest and claptrap talking, but it says something about “... the dust? ... join the Children of the Vault!”

“hey shiiiiiv all your dumb friends are dead!!”

shiv be like

“all my friends are dead”

some cool level-up art! I notice these are the same pictures as used on the japanese site. i wonder if they change depending on which VH you’ve picked (If you’re playing Amara/Fl4k, do you get pics of Amara and Fl4k? the player is playing moze, afterall).

also also “it’s a KIA on the knife wielding maniac. suuuper dead.” 

it’s cool that the VHs have specific lines for the deaths of bosses. i hope that continues and it’s not just a ‘15 min of intro gameplay’ thing. you know, where everything is super detailed in the beginning and then slowly gets less and less as the game progresses? anyway, moze’s little chuckle is fuckin adorable lol

ah. the door closes now so you can’t even explore Shiv’s room before Lilith shows up. gearbox plS you know me too well, i was looking for a g l i m p s e

claptrap’s voice line for getting released is SUPER off time, he hits the ground before going “you did it! i’m sa-ahhhhhhhh!” it’s weird, wondering if that’s just a glitch.

also also we get a nice listen to the revive ally sound. i could’ve sworn it wasn’t in the first look at this mission we got, because i heard it for the first time during the coop Zane/Amara gameplay on Promethea. i might be wrong, tho.

im very curious what these symbols are claptrap is beaming up

i mean you know what im gonna say

they look eridian

and they do

so wtf clappy why u beaming up eridian letters to Lilith

i assume maybe Tannis gave clappy some weird upgrade or something so he could communicate with the crimson raiders without the CoV listening in? it could be that Tannis or someone is decoding this message since Tannis does know how to translate Eridian (as shown in her bl1 ECHOs)

... or at the very least she gave Lilith a translator

the darkening makes it so that you can see the crackening. also this COULD just be a beam that lilith can see from wherever she is, but i want to believe there’s more eridian stuff. bc eridian stuff is fun.

this is so fu cking crisp im dying i love it

lilith’s tattoos spreading down her fingers

same symbol as her chest tattoo. maybe the symbol denotes new powers? like how lily has one on her chest for phasewalking, and a new one on her hand for teleportation

i love how her wings look like actual fire. i fucking love this

lilith is looking so fucking good in the new engine

im glad they got rid of her super red eyes, tbh it looked a bit weird

i think they are really pushing her fire affinity, im sure we’ll see Maya has an elemental affinity as well (im calling corrosive) and im sure Tyreen will too (slag). Amara looks to be Shock because that’s her ‘default’, but who knows until (if) bl4 comes out. but corrosive wings on maya would look SOOO fucking cool. please. please please please.

god she looks so good compared to bl2. i love how the tattoos softly glow in the dark, too. i gotta play this mission late in the day...

“you’re... the voice in my head, right?” i love this so much, i really hope my shitpost comes true.

lilith gives you a grenade mod for completing her mission! im really glad they are PUSHING through the tutorial/intro so you can get right into the game. bl2′s ‘intro’ of all these tutorials was brutal. especially waiting to unlock your action skill.

in 3 you get your action skill automatically at level 2!!! which is insane, i love it! they’re jumping right into it, it’s great. and they seem to be pushing for you to get all the stuff you need right away. 

it’s curious to note that in bl3 we get our class mods at the end of the Promethea demo (after Gigamind), since in bl2 you get your first (usually?) after the hunting the firehawk mission and both seem to take place immediately after we get to the ‘base of operations’ of the game (Sanctuary vs Sanctuary-III).

yep that quest is 100% in line with the quest marker. 

i imagine From the Ground Up may be discovering where the Vault Map/Key actually is? maybe bringing people to the Recruitment Center (notably Tannis)

for this scene. i hope this takes place after the HBC, because i seriously... can’t imagine the twins showing up, taking the Vault Map, bringing it to the HBC, and then NOT taking Lilith’s powers/trying to kill Lily and accidentally taking her powers. it just doesn’t make sense, Vault Hunters be damned, we are level 2 they could melt us easy peasy. 

If anything, it feels like we COULD find the Vault Map in the Recruitment Center, Tannis tries to activate it/fix it, we find out it’s mega broke, and then the Sun Smashers show up and take it. but i seriously can’t imagine Lilith nor the new VHs allowing that to happen while they’re still there. maybe if Tannis sends us to do something while Lilith is gathering other CR members? then it could make sense if they attack while Tannis is alone with the Key...

OR

we end up finding something in Shiv’s room that shows/helps us realize the Sun Smashers bringing the Vault Map to the Calypsos. tho this would mean the quest From the Ground Up is SUPER short and I imagine it’s not. Maybe we raid a camp of theirs like the one in front of Sanc-III with the bridge/ramp? We need to be about level 6 before we go and we start From the Ground Up at 2 so there’s obviously something DEEP we’re missing here. maybe this is a mission where we go gather the other Crimson Raiders? HMMMMMMMM...

.... oh.

nevermind lmfao

she opens her ECHO immediately after this LOL i feel kinda dumb now

raiding their camp it is! the Droughts sounds like a fun location. Very much like the dust. you guys think there’s a Shade situation going on there? i’m excited to see it. Still think we’re going to use Shiv’s room to get that lead, though. i just really wanna watch tv lmfao. i hope this means the bandits run from the camp to the HBC, or we find info that the bandit warchief sent a party to the HBC with the Vault Map. either way, i just don’t want the twins showing up until after the HBC or i will have so many questions. “why didn’t you kill lilith?” being the first. “the god queen wants her head!” ur goddamn right she does, so why doesn’t she (try to) kill lilith???

85% already?! hot damn

also

that’s one badass description there, Moze

also also

while having gun slots locked is pretty normal, im surprised they’re locking class mods and relics, too! i wonder when we’ll be able to equip relics. maybe when we first go to eden-6 or smth. or maybe after we meet up with Rhys. shit maybe he’s just handing us an artifact (im gonna interchange these a lot, sorry!) in that Promethea video lmfao

“ready to chuck some boom and frag some maniacs” lol moze i love you

if you’re playing Zane... `equips grenade mod for checkmark` `immediately equips second action skill and never actually uses grenade mod`

“it’s the firehawk! the god queen wants her head!” 

like i alluded to before, i would not be surprised if Tyreen doesn’t know she can absorb Siren powers... when she goes to succ lilith in front of Sanctuary-III, it’s totally possible she actually was trying to kill her. That could explain why she looks so intrigued at her hand like “oh shit okay lets see what this can do”

might be why she was okay with sending her cultists after her instead of showing up herself.

“alright, we got a foothold. maybe things are turning our way. come on killer, you’re with me” we are going to explore the SHIT out of shiv’s room.

alright alright alright

let’s move on to the Sanctuary-III stuff

yessss

i love the quest objective thing, it looks like we will be able to swap through our quests with the push of a button! also im curious why exactly we’re going to promethea right away. i wonder if the twins say something about moving there after getting the vault map/lilith’s powers, or if we hear from rhys. im expecting something about the vault map, since our vh will admit they don’t know rhys at all when talking to lorelei. but for some reason we need to be within the city limits? since lily says ellie got us within the city limits. 

hmmmmmm. okay, okay, maybe the map was trying to lead us to promethea for vault reasons during that short amount of time that we had it and it was working. maybe promethea is what we see when tannis is activating the key during that one cutscene? ohhh shit how dope would it be if we got that fucking easter egg message? omg “Children of the Vault. Come to Promethea. We are not on Pandora anymore. Tannis is not what she seems. Do not open the Vaults.” and everyone is like ‘uh did that thing just mention Tannis by name??’ and now it’s REALLY important to get the map back just so we can figure out wtf it’s trying to tell us. 

i will question how ‘Tannis is not what she seems’ would affect character relationships, especially if it’s said so early in the game. so perhaps we only hear the first part of the message. maybe it’s corrupted because it was recently broken. iunno. just playing around with ideas. the canon of this game is like flarp putty until sept. 13th

anyway moving on because this is literally the first f r a m e of the video

i like that you can see pandora’s eridian scar. if the destroyer is speaking through eridium to people, it’s gonna bust outta the side of this planet like you wouldn’t fucking believe lmao. eridium is a window to the soul and if you stare long enough into its glossy, shining sides, the destroyer stares back

that or it’s just like a beacon, slowly spreading its influence across the universe. but i like the idea that the destroyer can waltz out of a big enough hunk of eridium. so it will bust out of pandora’s eridium scar. F in chat for pandora but also lmfao the amount of tentacles and rage would be unparalleled.

reality is that the twins are probably farming this scar for eridium to turn into slag for multiple purposes. like brainwashing their cultists, giving them powers, and ensuring their guns have their manufacturer’s quirk (im getting to this in my next post bc im just gonna compile all the ign gun videos into one big post)

the floor art is different from the actual sanc-iii demo. i mention this first in my behind closed doors panel analysis, but im gonna mention it again because this is ~official~. the floor list on the first walkthru of sanc-iii we got had the names of all the crimson raiders and lines leading to their shops. so we had the infirmary/tannis, marcus, moxxi, etc listed on the floor. i imagine this new sanc-iii will change as we get more people on board or if we do a sort of re-decoration of the ship.

also also, it’s cool to see that we have 4 rooms on the minimap, likely one for each of the VHs (and your coop buddies). ive seen speculation that the other, non-played VHs will hang out in their rooms when you’re not playing them, and tbh i really hope this is the case.

we also know this version of sanctuary-iii is after pandora, so there are no promethea citizens aboard yet. which makes me double certain the first sanc-iii video we got takes place either after endgame (explaining why Lily has her tattoos back) or right after Athenas (explaining why Maya is there). which... i mean... spoilers, guys. 

that’s one good lookin fast travel station, holy shit

im in tears over here because “Caution: no steppy”. this is so fucking funny to me

no steppy on me

okay moving on because i will cry laugh over this for forever im allowed

moze’s room is so much different than amara’s

also i notice she’s on the left of the two on the top, which makes me hope the other 4 are reserved for the other VHs (or your coop buddy).

compared to the official sanc-iii demo video

and amara’s room

moze’s is so barren oh my god

someone get this girl like... a colorful throw pillow or something

baaank. also doubles as the secret stash. kinda upsetting, because that is infinitely less loot i can store when i make a lot of characters. also if i upgrade the bank once, is it upgraded across all my other characters too? or are the guns i put in storage slot 11 locked up until i buy the upgrade?

either way, i am saddened because no more mule characters. and way less space the more characters you make and more gear you find, because all gear you put in here is there across all characters. i hope this means our backpacks will be a lot bigger this time around!

supamax mfg shows up again

ppm/04-02 matches up with the number behind the fast travel station. i wonder if this will come into play. if the number changes later in-game im going to freak the fuck out bc that means wherever we are isn’t actually sanctuary-iii

ppm/04-02. remember that 👀

also, the wall behind the golden chest changed from red to steel/greenish. can’t tell the actual color. same as the floor

you know. that color.

“golden keys are popular. you can get some in-game and also get them online”

in-game you say??? im interested! i wonder if there will be some sort of arena (like moxxi’s) where if you complete it you get a key as a reward. i saw people speculating about some sort of randomized boss rush, that could definitely be a way to get gold keys, as well.

oooo engine room! im excited to explore here.

original size is 16. so, we have 40 backpack slots! still... you know... only 1 above the max of bl2, but hey. at least that’s an upgrade. as small as it may be

on the bright side: bank upgrades increase capacity by 5. with a base of 10, and 8 upgrades, we have 50 slots to fill. which is a big leap from the original 24. it is still a shame we have to share these across characters, tho

offline cultist stream? makes me think the CoV really was trying to steal/take over sanc-iii from the crimson raiders and we went to go take it (back?) in Taking Flight. either the CoV found/ordered Sanc-III, or the crimson raiders were building it/fixing it up, their stronghold got taken over, and the CoV were prepping it for takeover.

the shooting range. and if you notice that little CoV symbol in the bottom left there? yeah pretty much backs up my previous theory

all those red bits are tied to ellie’s crew challenge. so we’ll be collecting things for her!

an altar for scooter 😢

“we’re gonna get those cultism sumbitches, believe you me”

where you get yeeted out of Sanc-III. im definitely going to try jumping in it to see if it kills me. doesn’t look like the drop pods are available yet

that’s not clappy, pretty sure he’s hanging out on the bridge right now

schematics for veronica

the thing i was most excited about in this video!

loooots of customizations! which excites me because i know eridium used to get useless late game when you’ve grinded all the raid bosses. it looks like eridum is going to be in ultra high demand. but u can bet ur ass im gonna be unlocking all those fucking customizations asap.

veteran rewards is also super super interesting

hgggggg i wanna know what the shields do!!! 

i like the vault symbol at the top of the item card as well, shows you its a special type of weapon/item. im honestly surprised we’re able to buy ‘veteran rewards’ so early in the game? i mean obvi we won’t have enough eridium (look at the costs!) but it’s wild it’s even accessible. im personally a fan of the first bonus ‘anointed: gain life steal on action skill end’

looks like these guns have been chosen

to give them those special bonuses

i do see that just anointed is not class specific, but the ones that say anointed gunner or maybe anointed siren will be (confirmed by the devs in video).

you pay with eridium, so maybe the vending machine has some way to confer the power of eridium to the guns. or some shit. iunno. it’s possible this won’t be available until the end of the game, hence veteran rewards, and is only being shown to us right now since this is a showcasing video.

pandoran civilian. no promethea civilians today folks! i am CONVINCED that the old sanc-iii demo takes place after the end of the game. at least after athenas.

it’s weird seeing moxxi hanging outside her bar.

is also cool to know that the 4 slot machines are actually available. seems like npcs can play them, but we can use all 4 if we want to. which is really nice

the one on the far left is called the ‘loot boxxer’ and it gives mostly guns lol. i see they are taking jabs. good for them

better pic of the leftmost machines

Zer0 seems to have a bounty board? not sure if this is like a physical bounty board or if they will contact you when they want something dead, but it is cool to note. this isn’t shown in video, just the devs speaking about it.

similarly hammerlock has ‘big game hunts’ where you find “rare, challenging creatures” and kill them for him

apparently we’ll be killing something known as a manvark

this book

i fucking recognize this book

HAMMERLOCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

in all seriousness tho

hammerlock probably isn’t in his room because we haven’t rescued him from eden-6 yet.

a cool thing about the crew challenges: as you progress through the game and do these challenges, sanc-iii will ‘grow and change to reflect the things you’ve accomplished’. altho another dev says “sometimes these are optional things, like challenges” 

so now im like oh shit we’re gonna change sanc-iii as we play the game. i wonder if that means we’ll be changing the hull, too. because you know. the blue paint job. we gotta go STEALTH. sneaky beaky into the calypsos fleety

tannis doesn’t have the saurian on her table. also, interesting note, she DOES have the eridian log in the corner. meaning she must have had that before eden-6. interesting... maybe we’ll find more on Pandora.

she is still covered in blood tho. idk i don’t have an explanation for that. don’t think i want to think of one, to be quite honest.

oh no. (those are skulls next to all the gurneys)

“tannis plays a much bigger role in bl3 than she has in past games”. bigger than borderlands 1? that is... impressive. she’ll be running the health vending machines (which is weird bc i could’ve sworn in the promethea demo, zed was still running them... hm.)

another angle of sanc-iii

clappy? you good there?

the devs said they’re using him to plug a hole. i assume the calypsos shot at the ship as we’re leaving or smth.

lily with no tattoos, who also looks significantly more pissed than her other sanc-iii demo counterpart

you know. because she got her tattoos.

also

fucking

lilith says something right here. all i can make out is “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like tannis said. ..... [inaudible] Siren.” maybe some weird word i haven’t heard before? i swear she’s saying ‘like tannis said: a ‘m...’ Siren” but i am not 100% sure. if someone could help me out, that’d be rad.

so its sounding like lilith rushed in with explicit warning from tannis about tyreen stealing her powers, and tannis knew tyreen was some sort of Siren and warned lily, but lily didn’t listen. it could also be that lily is saying something like “im not a siren” but i can’t really hear it if she is. it sounds like she saying a word that starts with m to me. if someone could help me with this i’d owe you my life

whew. i am. fucking TIRED.

im gonna sleep for like 3 hours and then wake up and make food before the fl4k streams start.

[shattered-catalyst]

So this  isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this  because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it. 

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it. 

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period.  It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

 I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients.  During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.  

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*.  She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything. 

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry,  and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life. 

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning. 

 I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

 I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

 Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are. 

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[eye-searing]

Rules: answer 21 questions and tag people you want to get to know better!

Tagged by @imstuckathome12 

1. Nickname(s): i dont know abt people nicknames for me, other than the “you can also call me” section of my abt

2. Zodiac sign: Cancer/scorun

3. Height: i dont know, somewhere around five foot five

4. Last movie I saw: Secret Life of Pets, which was surprisingly good considering how low my expectations were

5. Last thing I googled:

6. Fave musician(s): i don’t have fave musicians 

7. Song stuck in my head: as i'm writing this, Patchwork Staccato by Hatsune Miku. 

8. Other blogs:

9. Do I get asks: sometimes

10. How many people are you following?:

11. Amount of followers:

12. Amount of sleep: 

im fucking tired right now

13. Lucky number: three

14. What I’m wearing: uhhh

animal print sweatpants and a white shirt thats dappled green and grey

15. Dream job: i dont know, i figure ill be dead before im eighteen

16. Dream trip: outside

17. Favorite food: meat

18. Play any instruments?: i used to play the sax

19. Languages you speak: english, but i want to learn japanese bc i find the culture interesting

20. Favorite song(s): i have,,, alot of them. og song post. 

new faves: (old included in the total count)

The Bird And The Worm - The Used

Haven’t Had Enough - Marianas Trench

Pink Cloud - Pegboard

Kitchen Fork - Jack Conte

Numb - Marina and the Diamonds

Kings - Tribe Society 

Killer - The Ready Set

And many many many more

21: Random facts: 

been meaning to make a post abt this but my genderfluid ness cycles through four states: agender, bigender, demiboy, and demigirl. Full spectrum babely. Rn i’d say agender.

My fursona’s blood is blue

Ive noticed that my sway/aspect combo seems to be rare. (derse/breath)

Idk anything yet but i think i might be polyam. Don’t think I could be happy with just one person.

I take interest in the psychology behind killers. What makes people kill, to reiterate. Not a big interest. I also like physics, quantum and movement forces specifically. And even more than the last two: natural history, and the corresponding phylogeny and evolution. Spacey shit is also cool.

Describe your aesthetic: tropical colors, that bloom meme, neon frogs and birds of paradise. The feeling you get when you're walking through a dense forest and its dark. You think you hear something behind you, it could be a small animal. Or it couldn’t. Its too dense to see very far ahead but you feeeling like your being watched. Warm ocean waters, a rainforest river. Fire roaring through a forest. 

@wormdude @rebekahanne69 @green-cryptid @gamenewt @forest-of-secrets

y’all arent obligated to do this

[dreamerology]

HI I LOVE YOU AND WE LOve MINHYUK IN THIS HOUSEHOLD PLEASE WRITE AN EXTENSIVE LIST ABT. WHY YOU LOVE HIM BLEASE IM S O CURIOUS ????????? also pictures and examples would b nice i love lists hehe bY NO MEANs do yoU have to do this i just,,,,, love minhyuk and i love people who love minhyuk thank u for tuning in to my ted talk

I LOVE U THIS TURNED OUT SO LONG IM SORRY…….minhyuk love hours Commence

is it wrong to say i already have a list of like 70 reasons why i love him (Listen. i have a mission….) and is it cheating to use it? who knows but im gonna add evidence to some of them 

his smile!!!!!!!!! im so in l*ve (i know thats vague but i swear every time he smiles everything gets a big brighter and hes got so many different smiles i love them all)

his Big Laugh

when he sings along to a song in a vlive nd his voice sounds rly soft (this was specifically abt this live but ive noticed he just does it a lot in general)

his uneven blink enough said.

how his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign

when his pinky finger goes up when he makes a peace sign (thanks amy for bringing it to my attention)

his eyes….theyre so warm…..feel safe

his taste in music (im p sure someone has made a playlist from all the songs hes rec’d??)

when he wears yellow (His Colour sorry i dont make the rules in this house)

his habit of licking his lip………can he Stop (or like. when he sticks his tongue out of the corner of his mouth)

on the same page, his habit of picking/touching his lip….its Distracting

his little square ears

how good he is w kids need i say more

how hes a pillar of support for the other members (cue wonho’s video message to him, also my tears,)

his Voice……its soft im so weak

how loud he can be (like its rly endearing? how goofy he is)

how his black hair from fighter was his fave, we love an intellectual

also his white hair, an iconic look thank u miss all in

this fancam he looked like an actual puppy

HIS HAIR AT THE END OF SHINE FOREVER ERA WHEN IT WAS BLONDE W ROOTS AND RLY LONG. INHALE.

that thing he does where he brushes his hair out of his eyes…..cute

how talented of an artist he is the Fuck! im gonna frame them all on my wall (specifically this video makes me EMo)

the video of him waking up jooheon, u know the one (aka the reason i started stanning mx in the first place)

how alive he looks on stage! HES MADE FOR THIS! (i think ive talked abt this before? but like how vibrant and glowing and Alive he looks when hes performing. like hes rly out there thriving!)

this is a good example of ^^ but also it gets its own point bc if i dont watch this once a day i die

his part in gravity (monsta x’s Best Song)

his full teeth smile (the one where he goes 😬)

how clingly he is w the other members, i love one (1) koala 

how he tries to make the best of any situation (see: him being sent back to the hotel in right now)

whenever he wears hats 

how happy he looked when he left to the jungle (u never asked but my love for him really reached a whole new level that night)

whenever he just. Collapses from laughing (see: the whisper challenge)

how thoughtful he is

his serious side (see: his liev with kihyun)

whenever he showers jooheon in love (what a mood :/)

his personality. he’s the Actual Sun

i sorta mentioned it earlier but like….how he makes himself approachable for the other members so they feel like they have someone to talk to and lean on

his stage with seokwan in no mercy

his part in x

when hes got sweater paws (i’m too lazy to go find and add the picture but. yeah cute)

his single dimple

THE DOLPHIN NOISE HE MAKES WHENEVER HE GETS REALLY EXCITED ABT SOMETHING

i know i already said his voice but seriously hes improved sooooo much from no mercy im so proud

the beauty mark on his finger 

how cute he is w dambi……they truly love each other so much my Heart

how fucking funny he is

not to like….be edgy or anything but how good he looks without makeup

his little drawing on fansign notes

HIS DATE VLIVES BITCH

his red hair….shes gone but not forgotten

mon happy radio!!!!!!!!!

O WORD HIS DARK BLUE HAIR TOO (aka my fave colour h). we ate so good that day

the scar by his right eye

how much he loves his family

how he said making others happy gives him the most happiness. A

how fuck good he looks in chokers…..hes too powerful

his friendship w kihyun

when he….tried surfing and looked uhhhhh rly good

HOW GENUINE AND SINCERE HIS ADVICE IS 

how he doesnt rly care what people think abt him hes just out there living his life how he wants (god i wish that were me)

when he got 3 bullseyes at the isac’s last year we love u archery king

when he smiles rly big and gets all those winkles near his eyes…baby 

how he made the acoustic version of beautiful mv for mbbs and even made his director series out of it…..cute :((

when he stretches rly big and just. looks like a starfishsdfkjsdhf

when hes got a single dangly earring….helo

his hands. Thats all thanks for coming 2 my ted talk

when he wears all black….goth kink activated

his eye smile

how much he loves sea creatures idk its so cute 2 me…..

how he sometimes sticks his tongue between his teeth when he smiles

HIS SLEEPY VOICE specifically during ep 2 of lotj

[lebilliam]

111 questions with @imaginationisendless3

001: What is your biggest dream? uhhh. that depends on how you define dream. im gonna go ahead and say that the dream is to be able to wake up and go to the airport and just travel all around and come back home to the same old home at the end of the day

002: What is the bravest thing you've ever done? this q is quite a doozy. i really dont keep track of this kind of stuff

003: Is it hard for you to show your feelings? hell ye

004: What is your dream job? What was your dream job when you were little? when i was little i thought looking at space and being an astronaut would be really cool but now its just being able to travel

005: What is your favorite sound? mechanical keyboard clicking hands down

006: Would you rather be in front of the camera or behind it? wait this q seems familiar but im gonna say in front

007: What do you notice first when you meet a new person? (Both in real and on the internet): what kind of memes they like

008: Is there anybody you *fully* trust?: sure theres a list

009: Do you like / love someone? If yes, who?: there was this cute girl once but i never mustered the courage to really talk to her rip 

010: Have you ever received / sent hate? How do you deal with it?: i flame brian and logan all the time but i dont think that constitutes hate mail. tbh i dont recall an instance of being perturbed by excessive hate

011: What are you going to spend money on next?: food in martinique (or maybe some chacos here)

012: What are three things you never leave your house without?: phone, wallet, jacket

013: What is your favorite place?: ive had a lot of favorite places over the last few years but now that im being asked i cant recall any of them. all my favorite places have this one thing that i dont like about them and thats why i have so many

014: Do you sing and/or dance in front of people? nah not earnestly

015: Have you ever cheated on a test?: have YOU? i say i want to cheat on tests all the time bc itd be so easy but im just too lazy to enact a foolproof cheat strategy

016: What is your current desktop background?: last time it was a bunch of functional groups for Ochem, but now its specific reagents and pathways!

017: How would you describe yourself in 3 words? indecisive, unpredictable, decisive (i thnk)

018: What does make you happy?: honestly?? knowing im appreciated

019: What time were you born? uhh i dont know off the top of my head atm but i can check

020: Do you give second chances? Why? why the fuck NOT? well i say that but all the second chances ive given have been disappointments. trying to find someone to surprise me i guess? xd

021: Name your biggest turn ons and turn offs: serious turn offs are lacking empathy for the struggles of others (i say stop being poor ironically, but there are people who really dont get it which is scary to me). turn ons? Jacinda asked me this and my answer still hasnt changed-- the neck. i ALWAYS go for the jugular

022: When was the last time you hugged someone?: hmmmmm probably last month or so?

023: What is your favorite food? GOD dang it i know i say a lot of things are my favorite but now i cant think of anything. something im always down for is KFC though

024: Do you save money or spend it right away? FUCK i try to save it but money just has a way of leaving my hands

025: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are their meanings? If no, would you get any?: id love to get tattoos. sleeves and all those seem really neat but also i know im just rash with decisions like that sometimes

026: Name five things you find beautiful: ooo hair in sunlight, pure moments of unadulterated laughter, crafts that people work on, technology, and mechanical keyboards

027: What is your favorite clothing style? (Both in you and others): lately ive been joking about the CLOUT a lot with champion and supreme branded stuff but its ironic. tbh i like buttonups with nice colors.

028: How do you cheer yourself up? i slid into this girl’s dms with this very question and then i linked her a minecraft song parody so i guess minecraft song parodies and stupid things

029: Do you show affection in public?: i would IF I COULD

030: What is one thing you are looking forward to?: martinique, being refreshed enough to actually care about school bc this last semester was a shitshow

031: Have you ever been to other countries? If yes, where?: france, spain, italy, canada, (japan when i was uber young), vietnam, fircrest

032: What was the last lie you told and why? ill start on this at 2pm. i was still in bed at 2

033: Who are the people you can always turn to? mo, lo

034: Have you ever done drugs? If not, would you ever try them?: it sounds like itd be a cool experience but im also scared all of those horror stories where the drugs were laced with other stuff that turns you into a 4 year old

035: What is your favorite word? i think about the word obsequious a lot but i think my favorite word has to go to discord

036: Do you consider yourself a romantic? sure why not

037: What are 3 objects that are *very* important to you and why?: notes section in my phone ( i write a lot of my thoughts and weird dreams in there), my laptop ( i use it literally every single day), my dice ( bc dnd has been uber helpful to me and its a great pastime)  

038: Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who?: nope! not special

039: What would you like to change, mentally and physically, about yourself? id like to start working out but i say that all the time. id like to be more dedicated to school stuff but honestly its whatever. idk jsut trying to be more confident in myself and smiling more

040: Have you ever won a contest/competition? What for? i won a smash tournament once and i got fourth or third in another one but that was a long time ago

041: What is one illegal thing you would do if there were no consequences? steal, armed robbery. 

042: Who are your favorite fictional characters? borutos dad seems kind of cool, they should make an anime about him or something

043: Do you ever wish you were somebody else? yea i wish i was me but better

044: What is your favorite store to shop at? FUEGO and the runway fashion exchange and idk some other cool store but it doesnt come to mind

045: Do you want to have children one day? How many? How would you name them?: i think about it. having children would be cool but also NOT having kids would be cool

046: How do you cope with stress? How do you vent your anger? i say reee unironically but then it makes me feel better 

047: What do you want for your birthday? honestly? lots of money but idk a new set of dice would be nice ore maybe a new computer

048: Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yea probably

049: Have you ever said "I love you" even though you didn't mean it? in the times ive said it i feel like i have meant it but you can never be too sure

050: What is the best advice anyone has ever given you? starting to write down all your feelings and stuff that happens

051: Do you have any regrets? If yes, what do you regret the most? not taking the opportunity to go to high school/ college early / skipping grades / trying harder on admissions tests

052: Do you find tattoos and/or piercings attractive? theyre pretty neat imo i like them

053: Do you want to get married? What are your views on marriage? marriage is such an old concept but also it seems kind of cool

054: Who are you most comfortable around? tbh its been myself for the last few weeks 

055: What are you wearing right now? What do you wear to bed? i am wearing shorts. i try not to wear too much when i sleep bc i overheat but if i have someone else in bed with me ill wear a thin shirt and shorts

056: When is your birthday? feb 26!

057: What is love to you? love is being able to send memes to each other and being able to go from 2 blobs watching videos to a fancy date and 

058: Are you a jealous person? i can be jealous if i dont trust whatever is happening

059: Would you rather go to a party or stay at home? hmm tbh id probably party if my friends were there or if not id stay at home 

060: How many relationships have you had? quite a few

061: Are you a positive person? sure, i guess ;)

062: What kind of people do you feel attracted to? smart people who are smart but also dumb and cute

063: What is the longest time you've stayed awake? oooowee i think 21 hours or so?

064: Have you ever been told "I don't want to lose you"? yep! proceeded to then lose me!

065: What is your favorite genre when it comes to movies? action comedy

066: Do you collect anything? memories and dust and trinkets

067: In your opinion, what is your best quality? i can make you laugh

068: Have you ever changed for someone?yep! it happens and its sad but it happens

069: What is your idea of a perfect date? a date is the entire day, starting out with waking up next to the person, eating breakfast together, maybe do some errands / work out, netflix and chill, chill, go out for a nice dinner and night out, come back, netflix and chill, chill, go to bed.

070: Are you shy or outgoing? i would love to say im outgoing but idk!

071: In your opinion, what is the secret for a great relationship? surprises everywhere

072: Are you the kind of person who breaks rules? hm im sure i did at some point. maybe i still do?

073: Is it hard for you to trust people? yea it can get a lil hard

074: What does your dream house look like? fat front yard, lots of plants, lots of green grass

075: Do you feel attracted to people your age, younger or older? hmm im at the ripe age of 19 where options younger than me are a lil sketch. idk according to the historia older people have been quality

076: How much have you changed over the past year? a LOT boii

077: Longest friendship you've ever had? hmm about 6 or 7 or 8 years

078: Do you have pets? If not, what animal would you like to have? no pets, id love dogs

079: Are you left or right handed? ambidextrous

080: What talent do you wish you’d been born with? perfect pitch would help a lot with what i like to do

081: Where do you get motivation and inspiration? minecraft parody songs, also seeing professionals doing what they do

082: Do you know how to swim? If yes, when did you learn? yea, i learned when i was in bellingham and then i learned more when i was in kent

083: You are given one wish: What do you wish for? i wish for 100 million dollars with no inflation, no taxes, no debts, no one filing a lawsuit or slandering my name (this is all a part of getting the 100 mil. ive thought about getting money a lot)

084: Do you like to give / receive flowers? What is your favorite flower? i like giving flowers bc i feel like if i receive them,  i dont know what to do. its now ur problem if i get you flowers

085: Would you rather travel to a cold forest or a warm beach? warm beach if its not in the early morning when the sun rises, otherwise, forest

086: What is one thing you can't forgive, that can destroy a friendship or relationship beyond repair? if u kill me i dont think i could get over that

087: What is the last thing you purchased? corsair mouse

088: Have you ever broken someone's heart? Ever gotten your heart broken? yep and yep

089: Have you ever cheated on someone? Ever been cheated on? no and yes

090: Do you believe in soulmates? uhhh its possible. theres 8 billion people on this planet, what are the odds that soulmates DOnt exist

091: Is there anybody you would do absolutely *anything* for? If yes, who? hmmmm not anything, but id do a fair bit for my friends

092: Share three facts about your life.: i like to eat, make friends, and travel/experience other cultures

093: Do you believe in love at first sight? i do, but most of the time it isnt reciprocated ;p

094: Would you date someone who smokes / drinks / does drugs / has a mental illness? yea, i dont see why that would stop me from dating them

095: You are given 15 minutes of fame: What would you do? ask for money

096: How is your dream partner like? shes funny, makes me laugh, smells good, etc

097: Would you rather commit to one person or have several relationships? id rather have several relationships so i know exactly what im looking for in a person.

098: What are some of your hobbies? league, hearthstone, watching people play league and hearthstone, french, etc

099: What kind of person do you want to be? i want to be the cool old person when im old

100: What did you have for breakfast? i had some vietnamese cuisine

101: What is your Top 3 favorite shows? What was your Top 3 favorite shows when you were a kid? the office is something i enjoy, mythbusters, uh scooby doo? idk 

102: What are three places you *really* would like to visit one day? hmmm maybe the trevi fountain, il duomo, totally la sagrada familia 

103: What was your last meal? What was your last beverage? breakfast, water

104: Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? hmm probably anastasia

105: What is one thing that made you smile today? thinking about martinique

106: Do you like taking photos? If yes, what do you photograph the most?i love taking photos, but i never have subjects so i dont really take photos too often

107: Has anyone ever written a poem or a song dedicated to you? Have you? FHCk man i wish. wait there was a 100 things i like about you and i think about it all the time. i actually have written poems and stuff but tis been a  long time and i dont think my creative juices are back from that yet (but trust me, it was straight fire)

108: Do you remember your dreams? If yes, what was the last dream you remember about?: i remember almost all of my dreams because i always tell someone about them and idk talking helps me remember things 

109: If you could go back in the past, would you change anything? If yes, what? i would start learning things so much earlier and stick with theme

110: If you were given 3 million dollars, what would you do with them? invest 2 mill in the bank, get that monthly interest coming back in the mail, use that mill to pay off all my and my friends debts, live life the way i wished i could when i was little

111: What are a few facts about you that not many people know of? i like learning languages but its not profitable in this day and age i feel

'111 Questions': by Ira V. Simon (priveting)

[strawberryspeachy]

Also im sick of obnoxious japanese eaters

Things ive found out are myths here

1) everyones nice.

No. Everyone smiles hard to cover up whatever assholery theyre doing - if theyre supposed to be nice to you. Public people are the same as usual... except theres alot more shoving

2) everything about school

They don’t pay for school. Its free. Just like ours. Except private school. Just like ours

They are not MORE overworked in school nor do they study more. Their rules are much loser. And just like the states, teachers have no real authority- but unlike the states - the students do not fear repercussions. They can be touched though but thats more because japanese people think its fine to touch each other a lot - ya know. Just dont hug as an adult - but all other invading of some kind of private bubble is fine

3) SLURPING No thats not just a “it shows you love the food!” Bs. Just like the states, the people you hear disgustingly slurping just eat loud and are gross... imo... people here dont seem to think its gross but far more people eat like civilized humans and dont slurp everything from solids to actual liquids.

K like every time the past two days ive had to be near people slurping their fucking food and as a person who HATES hearing people eat... its why im bitching here. LETTUCE DOES NOT NEED SLURPED

4) just anything they call “culture” they used a pretty word to cover for “thats just the dumb thing we do here” its literally like if we said aggressively speed driving and cutting people off is new yorkers culture

Japan has a lot of history and traditions. But mostly they have a lot of bs that theyre just too stubborn to acknowledge and change so they lable it culture. Any changes they make are pretty much like when my great grandmother got a cell phone.

She only turned it on to charge it and make a phone call - leave a voicemail saying that she called - and then would turn it back off. It wasnt ever even on long enough for her to need to charge it.

But in her mind no one could complain that she didnt have one. And the only emergency in her mind was her needing to call you - not vice versa. She wouldnt use it for any other purpose and generally resented its existence. She hated watching anyone else use their cell phones to check the time or take pictures or play games or have lenthy conversations.

Yea. Thats basiclly japan with everything new. They have it. But they dont use it , and its possibilities scare them so the old ppl say its not allowed to be used unless the old people need to use it

Sorry man i hate everywhere i am. My aparment is next to a bar that looks permanently closed during the day. I had no clue it was there till after i moved in and the loud karaoke blared into my window every damn night

My train line is a nightmare and if you wanna see the worst japanese people can be. Ride the train during rush hours

My post office is far away and they refuse to ring my doorbell when i have a delivery and instead just leave slip - if you dont hike over in their made up time period they throw your stuff away

No one will actually help you with serious stuff. They just smile and say sorry and run away — customer service. Yea. Not customer service. They could just as easily be a manican with a smiley face - itd serve the same purpose.

Theres too much paperwork constantly all the time about everything

Nothing is online

Another thing that prompted me for this “this is japanese chocolate”

Cool. I got that its japanese. Im in japan. Everything people point out for me “its japanese____” fucking imagine if we felt the need to point out every damn item as “american” in the states. Why? What is the meaning of this?

They gave me a table to sit at at this school. A table. That they make lunch on and put all their supplies on. A dude just kicked my chair as he came over for some shit. Why am i sitting at a table? Very very few japanese people ive worked with dont make me feel like an adopted pet dog that theyre not sure if itll bite. Dog. Not new person. They literlly have the children fetch me...

And ive grown so so very tired of being asked questions with the intention of having me overhype japan while maintaining that im so stupid that i know absolutely nothing about the country

98% of japanese people assume that you think of japan like youve never even heard of their country before arriving and that you just arrived two days ago

Also. Maybe they think their test scores and clases are so much more difficult because they cant seem to fathom that most other countries schools function the same way as theirs

Yesterday a teacher said “ah theyre so overworked. They have alot to remember” i thought she was about to tell me how many units were on their exam or something... no “english, japanese, science, math, history, pe, food class, art! Too many things. Theyre very overworked”

..... are you for real? Im pretty sure every fucking school has those subjects if you switch out japanese for the countries native language.... this is NORMAL

Im sorry. I know the reason anyone talking to me like this might not like me. Cause im not gonna go WOWWW SUGEII?!?!? So much stuff!! Poor them!

No. Yeah? Thats school...

Look im not an asshole to my kids. If they can manage to tell me any information about their life in english or simple japanese i can translate - i act surprised/ or am if their english is super good.

But adults... no man. Learn some stuff about the outside world. Youre not specifical

Also dating boys here is just like back home except they wont block you and they respond less

Instead of getting “nice” “oh” “idk” and “maybe” as there fading messages - they just leave you on read. Or give you some random information that you didnt ask about that has no relevance to the ‘convo’

Also also. “Speak slow” they dont say this in a ‘my english is not good so speak slower’ way. They say this in a ‘i felt really good about my english until you spoke at a normal pace and my classes and ass-kissing white dudes have taught me that enlgish is spoken slow and percisely so if you dont speak with a japanese accent, your fast english is wrong’

Whatever but like... could you return the favor by speaking japanese slowly. Speak it the way you want me to speak english....

Telling them to speak slow results in something like

... nihon..de〜 nan mabdnshsnabsjsnjsbshssnbsjsbsjshsh ka?

Woah ok... something in Japan... couldnt catch the rest of that

Id be more understanding of this. Its hard to speak slow. Lets both acknowledge this and not - teachers compalining to principals and boys... (1) sending me a fucking video on how to speak my own damn language properly

Also. Do you know how upsetting it is to listen to a student say something perfectly but before i get to praise them - have the japanese teacher jump in and “correct” them...... no no dude please. I know youll have a fucking meltdown if i say no your ways wrong. But now this student is so confused desperately staring at me positive theyre correct and all ive come up with to do is smiling and nodding at them while repeating the way they said hoping the japanese teacher wont notice/get offended

Also togo food... if its not american fast food... generally you cant take it to go... its sad. I have no friends. I just wanna take this home to eat in front of my tv. This isnt serious. Its just a minior inconvenience

Also joking... my japanese isnt good enough to joke. And... idk how... cant explain. The other day a student asked whats my favorite food

And another went hamburger?!? Mcdonalds!!?

I wanted to comment.. but. At least elementary students understand sarcasm. Their teachers dont. And whether the middle schoolers understand and just dont care is up in the air.

Oh! And. I was right last week when i didnt trust my teachers saying that the obvious bullying was just a misunderstanding and the obvious targets fault. Another straight up teacher said some kids have left the school because of bullying and theyre really awful when left alone in the rooms... i told him thats why we cant go unsupervised in america. Japan says the students are just perfect upstanding citizens, so much more caring and mature than other students. Nope. Middle schoolers will be middle schoolers no matter what country.

[milo-gin]

11 questions tag

tagged by @miss-nobody-foryou

Rules:1. post the rules

2. answer the questions given to you by the tagger

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people

1. What do you feel when you see your favorite color?

Well it makes me feel at ease, since it’s blue, I love the ocean, the sky, I can find it everywhere and anywhere I go, in jewerly, clothes, peoples, eyes, souls are tinted with color too... so that’s what I feel a lot of love, I feel overwhelmed, I also feel small cuz blue has deep undertones...so romantic lol

2. American english or british english ?

BOTH!! American english makes me feel comfortable and almost gangster like haha, I love imitating accents, so I can speak in both (fun fact) idk if im good, but I definitely enjoy doing it

3. If the person that tagged you disappeared, what would you do? (PLEASE IF YOU ANSWER… ELABORATE A LITTLE BIT KIM) ?

OH SHIT!!! Deep question idk, really we dont talk as often as we should anymore for some reason, astrologically Im suppossed to connect and interact with you a lot, but I dont...I guess Im kinda scared of you tbh...friendship is a very scary concept, I always feel like Imma be betrayed, and left, also that people are gonna shout out to the world my most disgusting secrets and all that...(coughs *scorpio dominant much*)

4. What is so good about dogs?

OH NO YOU DID-NT!!!! What isnt good about dogs tbh, haha I guess cat people wouldnt understand cuz you like independence but irl you’re more the caring type you hug people... I guess it goes back to personality, Im a closet gay, so I want to be loved secretely, but I dont go out of my way to hug people...Ive noticed cat people are very in tune with their emotions and arent afraid to express themselves, some arent tho.... haha  I LOVE DOGS cuz they’re so needy of love and cute, and they are absolute loyal animals that would never ever stop loving you unless you train them to hate, they’re the best pets...i love them so much T _T

5. If you had 1 billion dollars, what would you buy?

That’s a lot of money, I think I would invest and create a bussiness with people I know that have good management skills and all that, probably would partner up with Just Kidding Films for that one, also I would try to create an organization specific to give shelter to animals, that would create a lot of jobs, and it would be slash a training center so we can make revenue, and keep maintaining the animals there...I would try to help out africa dude, or create a refugee type of center so people can go there, maybe they could get a job at the dog thing to sustaing their families... MAN if I had that kinda money... T_T

6. Would you like to be a dude? why or why not?

DAMN STRAIGHT!!! I would like to be a dude cuz I like dude fashion, lol...Also secretely cuz I’d want to experience having a dick, how does it feel hahaha idk...only if I can remember I was a girl at some point, if not I wouldnt think much of it, and it would miss the point that would serenade my curiosity

7. favorite tv show and why?

My fave tv show would have to be FRIENDS!!! LOL and Pushing Daisies, damn you fucking ratings for cancelling my favorite show

8. what was the most frustrating moment in your life?

Probably being unable to fix my siblings’s lives, I wish they would’ve listened to me on a lot of advices really, but they didnt :(

9. flower crowns…. yay or nay?

NOPE, haha I would look absolutely ridiculous cuz I’m fat, and Im not specificall attractive, or beautiful to be honest, and I believe you have to have a certain type of look to your face to wear them the way they should, or you have to be really confident man. Confidence is key for this one

10. If your crush was not compatible with you (like your astrological sign says NO… just no) would you still be with him/her?

HELL YEAH!!! There’s more to astrology than we’re told, and things CAN be worked out between difficult signs, for example Pisces and Libra are said to be one of the worst pairs cuz we’re both lazy or low energy signs, but I believe that having the right mindset, and being developed signs, or also just responsible, self-aware people; would completely trip down any other obstacles. Basically both partners have to want to be with each other as much no matter what happens, based on stuff i’ve done in the past... I think I would be able to be with someone that isnt compatible with me, if I love them of course

11. Do you love me? :D

Hahaha of course I do huuuney!! I MUDDA LOVE YOOUUU!!!

1. Do you know annyeonghaseyo? 2. What’s the thing that scares you the most? 3. If you could red-do your life, would you change something, if so, what would it be? 4. Did you know you can buy pieces of moon? 5. You are now queen or king of a nation, what would you do with that power? 6. How important is music in your life?  7. What’s a trait (physical or personality wise) that you like about yourself? 8. What’s your personality type, do you identify with it? 9. Have you been in a relationship, if so what did you learn in it? 10. If you were a writer what stories would you tell? 11. How do you feel about... S E X (hahaha this is tumblr, what a question ahaha)? I tag: @callistoinnocentdevil @socuteyoongi @floralyoungbloods @onlytaekook @multimessy @popomonster @billiethebean @mygeniuslab @onemilliondoorways @onehundred-fandoms @kuukkeli @ohmy-0613 @yoonmin @fortheloveofsuga @angeconstantino @fictionalsomeone @min-sugabts @lionking2830 @daddys-meme-monster @10jungshook15

[ivangeleenichirux3]

92 question tag thing

I was tagged by @bts-roleplay

(Though I don’t feel the best right now i’ll do this for you because i’ll forget)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Strawberry kiwi snapple (i have an addiction to this drink ok) 2. Phone call: My auntie 3. Text message: college buddies group chat 5. Time you cried: Today, I do it every day so...

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yes and I regret giving them that second chance 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: multiple times 8. Been cheated on: too many times to count... 9. Lost someone special: multiple people... no one sticks around in my life really.. 10. Been depressed: EVERY FUCKING DAY OK 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Not yet. just wait till I’m 21. I’ll make myself forget.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Red, Black, Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yes, and im grateful to them for making me feel worth something. 16. Fallen out of love: I’ve only fallen in love once and I’m honestly still not over her... 17. Laughed until you cried: once or twice yes. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: It happens when your that unattractive overweight kid.. 19. Met someone who changed you: yeah and it was probably for the worst... 20. Found out who your friends are: I thought I did once but i have a hard time with it now since everyone always leaves and forget... i may have 1 person that I can call a true friend and ive never even met her IRL 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: idek tbh...

GENERAL 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them I usually don’t accept request from strangers unless they share the same interest 23. Do you have any pets: Yes I Have many I have 2 mice currently named YinJin and V-Yang. A dog named Noona. A hedgehog named Chrona and 2 Roosters named HeiHei and Fluffy. 24. Do you want to change your name: Maybe. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: After the weekend of my birthday passed I went back to my dorm and celebrated with my friend who surprised me with a cake and a cute banner. 26. What time did you wake up: 9:15am? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Getting ready for bed. 28. Name something you can’t do: Smile naturally. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: She visited me on my grad day and stayed around for 3 day. So it was 2-3 years ago? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Myself  31. What are you listening right now: 4 O’Clock By V and Rapmon 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Does a character in a roleplay count?

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: fake friends.. 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr/Youtube

LAST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: i have 2 specific moles that always get noticed one on my left shoulder and one on my right hip. 36. Mark/s: Wrist scars at least 20 and scars on my knees as well as  between my pointer and middle finger on my left hand. 37. Childhood dream: When I was a kid I legit wanted to be one of those people who would collect venom for venomous snakes to heal people who have been bitten. 38. Haircolor: I was grapemon for a while but it faded so now it’s a red brown color. 39. Long or short hair: It’s getting long but I don’t like it. it’s down to my shoulders now. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: No..I honestly will never trust anyone enough to even remotely like them like that. (unless its hobi or suga they are my forever crushes XD) 41. What do you like about yourself: Next question.. 42. Piercings: Ears, Tongue,Nose 43. Bloodtype: O+

44. Nickname: Melly, Melon, MelMel, Mel 45. Relationship status: single 46. Zodiac: Pisces 47. Pronouns: She/Her/They/Them 48. Favorite TV Show: Return of superman 49. Tattoos: Nothing yet, i’m super broke so... but I would like some I already have design for 2 I want atmost 4 50. Right or left hand: Right handed 51. Surgery: Nope thank goodness 52. Hair dyed in different color: Red and purple. 53. Sport: soccer, shooting, archery, baseball 55. Vacation: S. Korea or japan is where I want to go or maybe just go to my birthplace Puerto Rico 56. Pair of trainers: ???

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Nothing I literally had 1 meal today 58. Drinking: nothing 59. I’m about to: draw a bit more and go shower 61. Waiting for:  the weekend so i can see my children 63. Get married: I don’t want to anymore... 64. Career: illustration/ animation

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Kisses, hugs are ok but I personally like kisses more 66. Lips or eyes: i like both but maybe lips just because i get a bit uncomfy lookign at peoples eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller tbh 68. Older or younger: Either. Each girl I’ve dated has always been younger 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Either 71. Sensitive or loud: Why do I have to pick? I’d like someone like hobi (he is both) 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. hook ups make me awkward afterwards... 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, since im usually the hesitant one i need someone to balance me out.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: yes, Mostly at convention when I played the pocky/pepero game with people. 75. Drank hard liquor: yeah, im not a big hard liquor fan tbh 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 77. Turned someone down: yeah. most of the time I feel so bad that I cry after 78. Sex on the first date: Ive never been on a date so... 79. Broken someone’s heart: Idk maybe? 80. Had your heart broken: EVERY-FUCKIGNRALTIONSHIP-IVE-HAD-OMG-IM-SO-DONE-WITH-RELATIONSHIPS-BECAUSE-OF-THIS. 81. Been arrested: Nah 82. Cried when someone died: Only once 83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Nope, I am utter trash 85. Miracles: I guess. 86. Love at first sight: Yeah, She broke my heart but I’m still not over her.. she was the first and only one... 87. Santa Claus: No 88. Kiss on the first date: No way unless its like a cute innocet cheek kiss. I’m ok with those 89. Angels: How can you ask that When Jung Hoseok and Park Jimin exist?

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: Do I even Have one anymore 91. Eye color: Brown 92. Favorite movie: Spirited Away has always been and always will be

Here you go I guess. 

Do I really have to tag people?

Fine.

I Tag: @ask-the-kpop-lightsticks @noonaxchrissy @facelessscar @ask-camboy-hobi @squaretilla @shingekicornwrites @ask-artist-jin 

[fabledtactician]

got tagged by @norwidki that asshole im supposed to study but lbr ill do anything to avoid it B^)

[Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!]

1. Are you named after someone? 

nope im named after marzipan lol

2. When was the last time you cried? 

WHEN I FINISHED FFXV BOY THE TEARS WERE COUNTLESS

3. Do you like your handwriting? 

when i try it looks kinds nice but my letters always slip up and down i cant write in a nice straight line, also the thing is, i rarely even try so usually its just an ugly mess

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? 

what the fuck is lunch meat anyway my fav meat is chicken

5. Do you have kids? 

yes i have a cat her name is seven and shes a lil shit but i LOVE her

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? 

see thats a tricky question bc on one hand WOW finally someone who understands me almost 100% but on the other hand. im a shit friend as is and im p sure i would annoy the living shit out of me so. probably not

7. Do you use sarcasm? 

BOY DO I :) even my mom keeps calling me out on that

8. Do you still have your tonsils? 

uhhhhh yeah

9. Would you bungee jump? 

probably not, if it wasnt upside down id consider it but im too poor anyway

10. What is your favorite kind of cereal? 

corn flakes

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? 

NEVER unless theyre like tight ass sneakers that wont come off if i dont, but usually i wear big comfy shoes that just slide right off, or zipped boots so no problem with laces here

12. Do you think you’re a strong person? 

lmao no, neither physically nor emotionally nor any other way tbh im a limp noodle and my heart is glass

13. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? 

vanilla or chocolate chip

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? 

hair and sometimes overall aesthetic or shape idk if it makes sense??? anyway i dont remember faces until ive met a person 10+ times so i usually go by hair which is. hell

15. Red or pink? 

ehhhhhhh both are okay but not rly my faves

16. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? 

i think my face doesnt rly match the rest of my body like i look in the mirror and its just my face? NICE when its everything but my face? DAMN NIIICE but combined?? it looks weird its kinda like a mismatched dressup doll

17. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? 

my cool ass edgy grey pants and big beige fluffy xmas slippers, theyre so warm and comfy, ideal for this shit winter

18. What was the last thing you ate? 

scrambled eggs with sausage and a sandwich, finally a fancy breakfast on saturday

19. What are your listening to right now? 

FFXV OST WHAT ELSE

20. If you were a crayon what color would you be? 

teal

21. Favorite smell? 

fresh laundry and pool chlorine

22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? 

my dad called yesterday

23. Favorite sport to watch? 

figure skating obviously, the only sport i actually watch

24. Hair color? 

brown, i still have a greenish tuft on the side from the time i dyed my hair

25. Eye color? 

brown

26. Do you wear contacts? 

i wear glasses tho i can still see p well without them

27. Favorite food to eat? 

noodles, chicken, fried veggies, some cool sauce, lots of spices

28. Scary movies or comedy? 

i dont like either, i mean i sure like to laugh but most of comedies are.... uhhhhh not rly funny theyre embarrassing to watch

tho i gotta say i watched the shining with friends on halloween and it was hilarious so yeah scary movies sure are fun

29. Last movie you watched? 

........barbie fairytopia trilogy, dont even ask

30. What color shirt are you wearing? 

i think its some greenish brown, im not sure, what am i, an art student? NOT ANYMORE HA

31. Summer or winter? 

SUMMER ALL THE WAY, FUCK WINTER, WINTER NEEDS TO DIE

32. Hugs or kisses? 

uhhh hugs, and even that has to be very specific, like, a hello or goodbye hug is VERY GOOD, excited tight hug is GREAT, huggin while lying down is nice but very uncomfy for longer then a few minutes, rest is kinda ehh

33. What book are you currently reading? 

me? BOOKS? lol

34. Who do you miss right now? 

ehh no one really

35. What is on your mouse pad? 

i have a shitty bootleg star wars mousepad that i won on some convention, my mom stole my nice one with a turtle

36. What is the last TV program you watched? 

i dont remember, i think we watched some music channel on new years? AND THERE WAS RICKROLL

37. What is the best sound? 

ENTIRE ORCHESTRA PLAYING SOME LIT TRACK and well a sound of a cat chewing on wet food is oddly satisfying

38. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? 

beatles, theyre fun to sing along to, especially when youre studying and want to die

39. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? 

madrid on a school trip, ill prolly never travel any further bc im broke and i hate moving my ass someplace i dont know

40. Do you have a special talent? 

uhhhh idk i draw fast???? doesnt mean its good quality but. well fast

41. Where were you born? 

cracow a pretty city, tho polluted beyond measures, literally

ok that it idk who do tag JUST DO IT

[moon-canyon]

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!

Tagged by the lovely @theprincessed

1: Are you named after someone? i dont think so, i think my parents just liked the name sarah tbh

2: When was the last time you cried? it was a reacr video on youtube called “try not to cry” and i lasted all of 30 seconds lmao

3: Do you like your handwriting? sometimes i do, sometimes i dont. there are times when its horrendous lmao

4: What is your favourite lunch meat? chicken or ham, idk

5: Do you have kids? not yet no

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? probably not tbh lmao

7: Do you use sarcasm? who doesnt?

8: Do you still have your tonsils? indeed

9: Would you bungee jump? absolutely not

10: What is your favourite kind of cereal? cornflakes or crunchy nut cornflakes, the originals

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? nope

12: Do you think you’re a strong person? i have my moments

13: What is your favourite ice cream flavour? im not a big ice cream fan tbh, but if i had to choose it would be like a cookies and cream one or peanut butter

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? erm idk, their voice? i dont know lmao

15: Red or pink? red

16: What is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? my stomach, its far too flabby

17: What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? im wearing grey tracksuit bottoms cause its my chill time now, and no shoes cause im indoors

18: What was the last thing you ate? walkers cheese and onion crisps #healthconcious

19: What are you listening to right now? i have the tv on in the background, so im listening to the news

20: If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? blue probs

21: Favourite smell? marc jacobs decedance perfume that i got from my parents, its smells DELICIOUS

22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my collegue at work, alex

23: Favourite sport to watch? football, swimming, and rugby, specifically the scottish national team

24: Hair color? redhead lmao

25: Eye colour? greeny

26: Do you wear contacts? Nope

27: Favourite food to eat? a sunday roast tbh

28: Scary movies or comedy? comedy pls

29: Last movie you watched? la la land, what a lot of shit

30: What colour of shirt are you wearing? navy

31: Summer or winter? winter probs

32: Hugs or kisses? hugs pls

33: What book are you currently reading? milk and honey by rupi kapur

34: Who do you miss right now? idk, my gran that passed away when i was a kid probs

35: What is on your mouse pad? dont have a mouse pad, ive got a laptop tray thing

36: What is the last TV program you watched? a series of unfortunate events

37: What is the best sound? my dog barking lmao

38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? the beatles, absolutely no contest

39: What is the furthest you have ever travelled? gran canaria

40: Do you have a special talent? procrastination if thats a talent lmao

41: Where were you born? fife in scotland, where i still live (sadly)

42: People you expect to participate in this survey? idk anyone that wants to

[isaacathom]

time to think about various story ideas ive had, yeehaw

ACitDS - Thomas trying to find their parents amidst the angel/demon war. pretty neat. I wanted to make a game out of it so the player could decide which way Thomas swung in terms of angel/demon, giving leeway for players who made mechanical choices against the ‘moral’ choice (cause like, split progression, man. it was gonna be pretty flexible and based mostly on choices within the world, though one route was locked behind a specific skill progression).

ACB - ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. war story about a commander trying to protect their homeland, except they arent even a commander in that homeland, and also its just really complicated. I like the individual characters i guess, even if im pretty sure Black themself was... not... my best character. I’ve made more ableist ones (hhhhhh) but that wasn’t my finest, so acb would need a total rehaul to fix that sorta thing. characters neat though.

SFY/414 - the whole gang of criminals help a guard catch other criminals story. or gay suicide squad, as you wish. i like my characters, and i like a whole lot of it, and i like the world. the core premise is a lil shaky but if you get past it, fun times, i think. i love tamjol especially.

SFY/425 - i dont know shit about the civil war plot except that tamjol is there and gets accused of being a traitor after his group finds out he’s a Shonyul, thats a fun one. thats basically the only thing i know for certain about it, that those scenes happen, and maybe one where he confronts his “father” directly, idk, weird stuff all around.

SFY/BTH/386 - sailing time. theres a storm, a mutiny, a second bloodier mutiny, and then a whole ass dragon eats like 2 whole boats without warning, god damn.

CCC - we have established i think that idea slapped i just never wrote shit. i dont remember any of their names. i just know some fuckers got lazered in the chest. tight.

Codename Seren - oh no

Codename Sworl - uhhh bunch of aliens get sent to earth disguised as teen girls to track down a different group of aliens. i remember nothing except that the sworl Charlotte ended up falling in love with a girl called Aaliyah (??????) who was actually one of the enemy aliens, and also that the sworl overlords were trash. everything else, big ol’ no clue.

EC - former MC fanfic, crystal’s sister and BIL get kidnapped by the goddess of fire in order to get the city (of which the BIL is like, the prince?) to do a bunch of specific things so that the fire goddess can release the imprisoned goddess of darkness. also one of the members of the motley gang crystal acquires is actually the fire goddesses missing daughter, and another is the descendant of some of the dark gods closest attendants who bailed and were hunted down. and the other dude is like. the son of a ghost? like? a ghost? like his human ass father found a portal to an afterlife realm and fucked one of the librarians and now their kid is half fucking ghost, I dont get it, also the man had a wife so uh W. Skye’s dad was messed.

GGS - hell yea. gods forming pacts with a bunch of youngsters who die in tragic circumstances (one was a car accident, another got crushed by a tree, and a pair got caught in a burning house). fun times. the car one had the war goddess as her partner and was able to summon a magic gun, the tree one had the god of time and fought with a magic sword while his COMPLETELY HUMAN sister kept tagging along on his missions and using a dustbin lid as a shield to help him out. nice. i love them all.

KoA - i dont remember whats happening there except that one of the kids was like, iron resistant? so she could use magic even when in iron? and fter they got captured by the govt or whatever they found out about her power and things escalated and im like 90% sure they fucking. hit her on the head with a shovel and killed her? i. i dont know why that was what i decided should happen in my novel but there you go, huh. her sister was very upset and i think ended up finding out she was iron resistant too? i dont remember the plot of this.

Kingdom Keys  - crocodile minigame and a littol skeleton man. basically if you found three keys you could access this area and get a wish granted by the goddess, and the skeleton dude had tried this previously and sort of failed? its kind of unclear but i think it was that he’d adventured with the main girls mother for the keys and i think she died? so then he used his wish to save her life? or the other way around? i think he died trying to get either the 1st or 2nd key and at the end the mother made it to the goddess and used her wish to bring him back, except he was a skeleton for Uh Reasons (how fucking long did it take???) and then i think the mother died after, i DONT know. i just remember littol skeleton boy man dude. he was like, 16 but also like 40, i think, i AM Unclear

Mermaid Cafe - there is no plot to mermaid cafe except that a mermaid like, comes on land and hides her identity, goes to a cafe by the sea one day to be a little closer to home, and then gets trapped along with a bunch of other people when the sea goes Very Bad. it was a very weird dream.

Minds Eye - ? gods claim your kids when theyre born and raise them? there was no further plot. i dont remember shit.

Mistakenbound - the last gasp of my hs phase, may it rest in peace. some heart player got murdered for revolution b4 the game starts but persisted as a ghost and pretended to be a blue blood, which while it was based more off the story of Rhia from COdename Seren, is a fuck of an aradia ripoff, whoopsie fucking Daisies

LOTMV - light demigod gets “kidnapped” by a dark demigod, sparks a war, very complicated, i mostly like it. one draft had the light demigod killing her shitty soldier ex-boyfriend at the end of the story after he almost murders the dark demigod, who has all but become her gf in the time since she left home. fun stuff.

Puppeteers Rebellion - buncha voodoo shit, smth about voodoo being outlawed and a countess using her powers in it to try and overthrow the kingdom, being foiled by the princess who she had (inadvertently?) been training at a sewing circle thing. i think?

Re:Memory - rebirth where your actions in your previous two lives determine your class, protag is class 1 (worst) because her last lives where a fucking infant and a murderer. befriends the princess (class 7) and idk what the hell were they planning to do but it was gonna be smth.

RiH - story about a thief with a metal arm trying to save the metal forest from an unnatural rust, aided by a knight who is one of the few people who actually notices their presence. was actually an MSPFA, ripperino, i still have like, 4 panels total and nothing else.

Royalty Story - uhhh country being run by Queen Adelaide acting as regent for her like, 21 year old son, but then she gets taken captive by this woman named Hazel who starts running the kingdom, forcing Adelaides three kids to flee the castle and try and find a solution. idk what was going on. the kids were Jackson, Morgan, Lillian, in order, iirc? cause the naming scheme was -an (sound). i thought it was neat. Lillian was the only one who shortened her name, to i like just Lilli, but Jackson was never Jack. they were neat.

SoaCS - pirate sets off a curse that means they are followed by a terrible icy storm, ends up being cast overboard by their (new) crew and saved by a woman on an island, who then also helps them escape when the storm ravages her home. then they go on a whole thing try to fix the mistake that HE made, resulting in them going back to where he had abandoned his crew in search of treasure. lotta fun. he even directly saves her life at a point where he had failed/refused to save one of his old partners last time, which was neat, but overall she was saving his ass. fun times. never wrote much for that.

Shadow Huntress- idk theres a girl called Blake and shes aways running because she thinks if she stops people will notice the scars of battle with like, The Darkness. physical battle, but also the emotional toll. ends up mentoring a few of her classmates who became hunters sort of incidentally. idk.

TDoC - so theres a demon king in the center of the lake, and around this lake are a bunch of cities with demon lords. and you have to kill the demon lords in order in order to be able to access the demon king and kill him. and there was a mechanic in place where you could only kill one demon lord/king. so the new party who is trying to free themselves from demon rule is accompanied by a group who tried many years prior, and in the first battle one of them fucking dies while trying to kill the lord because it turns out! that in the last attempt! he had succeeded in laying the final blow, and his soul was forever weakened and could not withstand the demonic energy this time, so from the outside he basically stabbed down at this demon lords week spot and then the second his blade made contact there was a burst of energy and he collapses like a sag of bricks who barely lives to the end of the battle to explain what happened. that was neat. i like the idea of the party by the time they get to the demon king being people who had all killed a demon lord, meaning they shouldnt be able to kill the king, but then they all manage to deal the final blow together, with their combined souls withstanding the initial burst of energy and killing him. whether they all die afterwards or just kinda pass the fuck out to be found by their allies outside who react to the demonic death wail, idk. i think its neat. that end sounds kinda cliche but presumably they had their best soldiers (demon killers) and then a handful of people with them who HADNT killed a demon who should have been able to, except the king could fucking smell em and wiped the floor with them early, knocking them out or killing them to focus on toying with the ones he wanted revenge on. I’m down for that. cause then its slightly less of a like, “twist”, since in the planning to kill the king SOMEONE would have noticed that they had to send some non-heroes :P So make sure you do, I guess.

TFOS - princess vs dragon, she has a gun and she wants revenge for her older sister and aso to save her kingdom. aided by a mage a knight and a rogue, bunch of lesbian mfers fighting dragons, Nice.

TFT - proto GGS, main difference was that becoming a demigod was essentially randomised and that there was like. a god of computers. who i think i reworked as a god of technology? or something? tech generally, not computer tech. idk. cherry was cute.

WTDD - the worlds surface is a series of spinning gears with cities and towns on them, and the gears all powered a music box below the earth which kept this colossal dragon asleep. and then one day the gears stop and the dragon wakes up. something like that. the initial thing was world is gears, but id probably shift it to a city or an area? cause the idea of a city constantly rotating sucks ass. admittedly that was straight up the reason the gears stopped in the initial writing, because the villain (??) was sick of the rotation ad fucking. blew a gear up. nice.

YD3N - uhh bunch of robots? one for eac letter of the alphabet (so there was Aden, Byden, Cyden, Dyden, Eden, etc) and Yd3n was the source of all of them. and then a robot called syd3n manages to escape and finds the aid of a local engineer called Ignis Lex, and they try to free their siblings and especially Yd3n, and find out the purpose for the alphabet crew. fun fact, this entire story came about because on the way home from uni I saw a dude in front of me with a jumper that said ‘Sydney’, except the last y was covered and my brain misread what was left as Syden, which is why theyre the protag. Neat.

thats the only ones listed. its missing a few, but i dont remember them much or have names for them :P